#2021 New Heart

[pippalovestunabrick]

Juno: I'm coming with you.

Nureyev: ...Fine. But take that blaster with you, at the very least.

[frogintheair]

i miss rhys................................ oh and shinon's there too

[somnimagus]

Ohh if MoM would let me this is still The Ideal Team I would assemble based on who's the funniest to watch run

[prozac-shaped-urn]

OH. OH GOD NO. OH FU-- JESUS NO

guys im losing it im fucking losing it jean is wearing richard's ring in this scene

GUYS I'M LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND I CANNOT TAKE THIS IT HURTS TOO MUCH

[novelconcepts]

Honestly, I made that joke about Van’s ancient desktop, but it probably works better than new computers. And it made me think: god, Van must HATE planned obsolescence. Stuff that’s built to die? Stuff that’s built to fall apart in a matter of years just to force you to buy more? For a person whose whole deal is gripping tight to the past, to old technology that still works perfectly fine, to the idea of survival threaded through everything from the stories she tells to the machines she rents out? Yeah, dude. No wonder she hates her cell phone. Not only does it force the illusion of connection without actually granting intimacy, but it’s doomed from the minute you take the thing out of the box. For Van, the very idea has got to be offensive.

[mayprilayunely]

HAGUMI WEEK DAY 7 - FREE DAY (BIRTHDAY) !!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HAGUMI KITAZAWA!!!!!!!!!! U R THE MOST SPECIAL CHARACTER TO ME ILY. I DREW UR BIRTHDAY CARD AS TRIBUTE. I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I LOVE HAGUMI 🧡

[feeling--pink]

For requests: Some Mom Jancy with her kid(s) please!

Your family portrait picture was delightful

Took me a while to come up with solid ideas because I just love them all so much!!! They're FAMILY!!!!!!!!! :)

[to-thelakes]

IT JUST OCCURED TO ME SPOTIFY WRAPPED SEASON IS NEARLY UPON US

[relicsongmel]

Now that I'm done with the main story I'd like to take some time to explain a small part about why Pokemon Scarlet (and Violet) mean so much to me—and why they were the first games in the series to make me cry in several years. (warning for discussions of parental death under the cut)

Generation 9 was the first time I was playing a brand new generation after my mom had passed from cancer a year and a half prior. I wasn't expecting to have this fact be relevant to my experience with the game, but one of first things that struck me not long after booting it up was the design of the player character's mom. She looked so much like my own mother that I genuinely had to take a step back from shock for a bit. But it was surely just a coincidence, right?

That initial double take moment aside, I continued through the game fairly normally, enjoying it quite a bit despite its fairly obvious graphical limitations and occasional glitching. I loved exploring the wide open world of Paldea; I'm very meticulous about being thorough in games and seeing what every area has to offer, and while I wasn't quite able to get to everything considering the sheer size of the map, I still did my damndest to clear out as much of it as I could. I loved the colorful cast of characters and the stories that accompanied them; Nemona was a bundle of joy (and I quickly claimed her as my lovely autistic daughter because that's what she is), Penny and the Team Star storyline were well thought-out and compelling, and Arven's quest, despite me being spoiled on a few details, was heart-rending and I was invested the whole way through.

Speaking of spoilers: I knew going into the game that Arven's mom/dad was canonically dead depending on which version you were playing. But that didn't stop the emotional impact of the final confrontation with the professor from hitting me the way it did.

As I said, my mother passed away due to complications from breast cancer; she spent an agonizingly long week in the hospital dealing with sepsis (among other things) before her condition took a turn for the worse and she was taken off life support on June 9th, 2021. During that time, I never got the opportunity to talk to her or even visit her—I asked over and over, but she was only allowed a limited number of visitors which were being taken up by other family members. My last in-person conversation with her was while helping her to bed one night, in which she told me she would have my dad take her to urgent care the next morning. At the time, I didn't even consider the possibility that she might not end up coming home. When that fact finally hit me a few days later, I wrote a letter making some promises to her (that I wasn't able to keep because the grief ended up hitting me like a truck) and telling her I loved her, but it was too little too late: my mom was on life support and only semi-conscious; my letter was read to her by my sister when she went to visit and I will never know if she actually heard my words. The day I was finally able to see her was the day she passed, where I held her hand for one final time and was met with.....silence. Obviously. But just because something is to be expected doesn't mean it won't hurt.

Long story short, I was not only dealing with the grief of losing her, but also the pain of not having proper closure; of being able to talk with her knowing for sure it would be the last time. So imagine my reaction when I realized that Arven was going through the exact same thing with his own mother—having been left behind without so much as an explanation, and then said mother dies before she ever has the chance to set things right with him. And his situation is compounded even further by having to contend with seeing the AI professor looking and speaking exactly like her, finally getting the acknowledgement from his mother he's wanted for so long relayed by the AI but finding himself struggling to accept it given how much it's too little too late, and then she leaves him behind too (albeit for more understandable reasons), meaning he essentially loses his mom twice over—all this while pushing through the trauma of revisiting a place that wounded the only companion he had so badly that he thought he might end up losing him, too. My relationship with my mother was not nearly as tumultuous as Arven's—but I could still relate to those feelings of loss and powerlessness and thus found myself shedding tears after the AI professor's final farewell. Because I saw myself in that grieving kid who just wanted closure.

Scarlet and Violet are by no means perfect games. But I would be lying if I said they didn't have a profound impact on me and helped me feel a bit less alone in my grief. And for that they'll always hold a special place in my heart.

[trashcan-train]

すべてありがとうございましたキュアドリー先生。❤️ I finally finished a tribute drawing I started in 2021. Rest easy, 先生.

Five years ago I sent Cure Dolly this fan art and we spoke over email. She said it was the first she had ever received and I always wanted to make more for her since.

I did not get that chance.

It’s been a few years now since her passing. I never gave myself a moment to properly say goodbye or process the hole she left behind.

So I wrote her an email one last time.

———

キュアドリー先生, I miss you.

I try to understand it, and all I can think is 穴が空いて穴が空いて穴が空いてしまった。心に穴が空いてしまった。

You taught me so much. I grew up in Japanese with your guidance. I’m still growing. まだ長い旅だけど、いつも満足な経路です。Now I must continue to grow without you.

I think of you often. It was five years ago when I spoke to you with bits and pieces of broken Japanese. Now I have long text conversations in Japanese with interesting people from all over the globe. I’m able to laugh and cry at beautiful stories in Japanese. 素晴らしくて広い世界が開かれりました。そのドアを開いたのは先生です。I think in some moments, “I’m doing it, キュアドリー先生! Look at how far I’ve come!”

But you’ll never know now, how much you’ve changed your students’ lives, how your legacy continues still.

穴が空いた。 I miss you. I miss you, I miss you!

There’s more.

Some people are confused by your identity as an android, or an alien doll. But I think I understand. I won’t pretend I know exactly how it feels to be a Cure Dolly kind of android or doll, but I know how it feels to be a me kind of stranger to humanity.

I can’t do many things other people can do easily. I don’t experience some things people say are essential to being human. But then there you were: proudly yourself. “What’s so great about being a human anyway?” you seemed to say. “What’s so bad about being different in this way?” Many little moments in your videos and writing spoke to me in this way. I can’t tell you how much it means to me.

You gave so so so very much of yourself to us, right up until the end. You spoiled us, really. How can the world be the same without you?

穴が空いてしまった！

How do I say goodbye to you, someone I never met, never truly knew, but meant so much to me? Who changed my life and opened a new world to me?

How can I say goodbye?

Maybe that’s why I avoided it all these years.

Maybe the hole will never close. Maybe it’s not supposed to. You’re irreplaceable, after all. I can’t say I won’t stop missing you. Maybe I will still cry sometimes. But I will smile much more. Your work still stands. It still brings me joy and new insights. I am still learning and growing on my language journey and there is so much joy in it to be found. I am going places I never thought I would get to see. It’s all thanks to you.

すべてありがとうございましたキュアドリー先生。It has been an honour to have been taught by you. It has been a joy to have known as much of you as you shared.

I’ll finally say it. やっと言いますね。

さようなら、先生。安らかにお眠りください。

All my love,

T

[my-chaos-radio]

Release: October 12, 2021

Lyrics:

It's a human sign

When things go wrong

When the scent of her lingers

And temptation's strong

Cold, cold heart

Hard done by you

Some things looking better, baby

Just passing through (oh, no, no, no, no)

And I think it's gonna be a long, long time

'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find

I'm not the man they think I am at home

Oh, no, no, no

And this is what I should have said

Well, I thought it but I kept it hid

Cold, cold heart

Hard done by you

Something's looking better, baby

Just passing through (oh, no, no, no, no)

And I think it's gonna be a long, long time

'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find

I'm not the man they think I am at home

Oh, no, no, no (no, no, no, no)

And this is what I should have said

Well, I thought it but I kept it hid

Cold, cold heart

Hard done by you

Some things looking better, baby

Just passing through (oh, no, no, no, no)

And I think it's gonna be a long, long time

'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find

I'm not the man they think I am at home

Oh, no, no, no (no, no, no, no)

And this is what I should have said

('Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find)

Well, I thought it but I kept it hid

(No, no, no, no)

Oh, no, no, no, no

Shoorah (oh), shoorah

Shoorah, shoorah

Songwriter:

Elton John / Peter Bruce Mayes / Nicholas George Littlemore / Samuel David Littlemore / Andrew John Meecham / Dean John Meredith / Bernard J.p. Taupin

SongFacts:

👉📖

[moonsidesong]

if i may be a little hater for a moment i really dont like how common it is for people to use those alphes-lookalike style fanarts in place of official touhou art. use zun's art you cowards

[datshitrandom]

Darren Criss + Piano🎹

[flovverworks]

reread 2020 tanabata. snow tells akira to catch bread covered in flames, everyone else goes "wtf no we have to get rid of the flames-", snow goes "dont worry itll be fine". no flames when akira catches it, however!! its still hot af (akiras comment of 'turns out u shouldnt trust wizards words of 'itll be fine''...u r so silly)

anyway

finished reading. rmbrd what happens in pt2 when shylocks heart is on fire. im gonna be ill (positive)

[pennecpox]

Summary of Art, 2021-2023. - HAPPY NEW YEAR BABBEEEEYYY!!!!! 

I will say I am really happy that I was able to make a lot more character interaction art this time around, as well as more rendered drawings (not to mention, one for every month! What the heck!!). It’s been a lot of fun to play around with different coloring and lighting and whatnot, and now that I have a proper drawing pad, I’m excited to keep practicing with it as time goes on.

It’s nuts how so much has happened this year, good and bad, and I’m happy to say that despite everything, these last few months have finally let me feel like I am able to breathe. I got to have a whole uninterrupted week with my friends away from home while feeling my skin was my own. I got to feel like a kid enjoying life again with my irl friend who has stuck with me since we were both in our teens. I’m getting to work in the field I was so excited to study for. I get to wear scrubs while working in the kind of place I could have only dreamed of working in when I was little. And just this month, I am already being offered a path for promotion. I can’t wait to see what 2024 has in store. Looking back at it all, I’m happy to say that I don’t regret a single thing. I’ve made and kept some wonderful friends over the years, and I wouldn’t trade them for anything else.  Thank you to everyone who has been joining me throughout my journey all this time, and to all who continued to stick by me even after everything... whether it be as a homie, a distant watcher, or simply a fellow art-enjoyer. I will never forget all the support you guys have given me, and I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done.

To the new year! See you guys soon! <3 

[simptasia]

my 2023 highlights are becoming a D&D player, getting my special temple blessings done and developing a pepsi addiction