#24 and old as fuck are the only two flavors for me apparently

[buggiesnax]

potentially a hot take for majimafuckers but I think these are the two hottest versions of Majima by a country mile

[contentment-of-cats]

Omnibus: cooking, exes, ouch that's gonna hurt, and erotica for people with short attention spans.

The whole week: has been nuts, and I am getting a root canal v. soon because chemo and radiation apparently do very fucked things to your mouth bones. Yes, teeth are bones, mouth bones. It's going to run me an ouchy amount, and I'm also getting a deep cleaning. Back when I was in active chemo, I broke out with mouth sores and could only swab in the Magic Mouthwash, so there is some damage to my gums, too. The root canal is under a decades old filling, and ought to last about another 15 years.

~

It was great to get out to the farmers' market! I picked up two flats of strawberries and the apricots were too good to resist. Ginger roots, garlic, a batch of onions to caramelize and freeze, likewise with herbs. So here's a bunch of cooking stuff.

Freeze fresh herbs in olive oil. Wash, destem, and then chop your herbs. Put them in a bowl and stir in olive oil Stir to combine. Freeze. You can keep them in the trays, but I like to put them in freezer bags. I only have so many ice cube trays.

Ginger garlic paste. Okay, I cheated and bought the pre-peeled cloves. My hands are no longer up to peeling that much garlic when I also need to wash and peel the ginger. Use a 1:1 ratio of garlic to peeled fresh ginger. I used 8oz to 8oz. Put it in a blender or food processor or even a Magic Bullet with 2 tablespoons of any type of oil - but stick with something not strongly flavored. Olive is fine. Blast it until smooth. You can also get out those ice cube trays and freeze it for up to three months.

The strawberries are destined to go into ice cream and preserves, while the apricots are all going to preserves. I only hull the strawberries (pull the green part out) after they're washed, My grandmother never peeled apricots, peaches, or plums when canning, as she considered it wasteful and the peels are broken down in cooking. I think it adds extra flavor and color to leave the peels on, so I just stone them.

~

I mentioned that the side gig responded to my joking pitch about ficlets, which are stories that come in at about 1000 words. I did ten of them and they were accepted. So, there's going to be a book of short stories from 'guest authors' - we're all ghost writers at the side gig. I have a break between now and the beginning of July, which is very welcome.

~

So, for some reason my exes have ended up in Texas. Both are a HAM, but only one is malign. Remember the Only Fans thing? Yeah, that one.

The Himbo I am on good terms with, loved him, loved his family, but it never worked out and we were honestly too young and roustabout at the time. He left LA when his father developed cancer, and stayed in east Texas. The Malign Ex... well, he's turned into kind of a romance scammer. Looks for younger women because anyone over 35 is going to read him right away. Anyway, he left a message asking for money to leave San Antonio.

Yeah, I know. I'm thinking of getting rid of my landline, but the situation sounds like a country song.

Well, I'm leaving San Antonio Didn't work out, don'tcha know I packed up moved out of LA But now I gotta get away Dug my own hole Kept on diggin' Car broke down No more Uber giggin' Send me some cash darlin' please

Apparently it Didn't Work Out there for him. After all, what decades younger-something wants a dusty old wannabe gigolo still making child support payments and he's almost 60?! SO glad I didn't have kids with him. SO GLAD.

Also, it's been 24 years, man. A decade since I saw him last. Can he just Let It GO?

Also, ignoring Filoni.

[mysterylover123]

Mysterylover Watches Bleach Episodes 164-165: All My Faves Try to Straight up Kill Each Other

(adding a cover pick from now on I think)

1. So back to Uryu and Renji’s fight huh. Dammit why Shonen always gotta leave the MCs bleeding to death for like 20 episodes. 

2. I guess I should be responding more to their fight, I mean I like these two as well. But we just ditched the fascinating “What does GJ want with Hime” plot for these shenanigans, so I’m just a tad bit impatient to get back to that.

3. FINALLY BACK TO ICHIGO. Nel is ok and she’s saying his name a lot while he doesn’t respond. So he’s apparently dead? 

4. WHEN THE HELL DID GRIMMJOW GET HERE? WASN’T HE THREATENING ORIHIME A LITTLE WHILE AGO? (Also Nel and GJ appear to know each other. )

5. GJ why are you kicking Ichigo? AND WHAT THE FUCK HE HAS A TIED UP AND GAGGED ORIHIME UNDER HIS CLOAK IN CHAINS?!?! HOLY CRAP DUDE

6. Hime is now looking at what appears to be Ichigo’s corpse. OMG GRIMMJOW BROUGHT HER HERE TO HEAL ICHI? Are you heel turning GJ? Also Ulqui is returning to Hime’s cell to find the evil girls and castigate them.

7. Nel is begging Hime to heal Ichi. I don’t think she needs any encouragement honey. Ill admit Nel’s constant screaming is a little annoying so I do kinda feel GJ when he tells her to shut up (assuming she’s some kinda immortal instead of an Actual Kid)

8. Hime is, of course, healing him, but struggling with it. GJ explains Ulqui did it. OK so GJ is mad at Ulqui for Taking His Prey and Hime does in fact succeed in healing Ichi. I got you GJ. No one else is allowed to kill Ichi while you’re around. 

9. Just as GJ name drops Ulqui Ulqui appears. He’s like Candyman.

10. Damn so now almost all my faves are in the same room. We’re gonna have a four way fight between Ulqui Ichi GJ and Hime? yes. Or whatever will happen here. 

11. Ulqui: “WTF Are you doing Hime?” GJ: smirks. Hime: “Um...it’s complicated”. Ulqui: Hand her over. GJ: Attempted murder. OK so GJ is officially betraying the bad guys? I think? I mean he’s trying to kill Ulqui so clearly he’s not in a good position here.

12. We do get GJ vs Ulqui which is cool and blows lots of shit up. They’re legitimate threats to each other though. Hime is standing there shielding Ichi and like “WTF WAS THAT?” GJ reveals he sealed Ulqui in another dimension. 

13. HOLY CRAP HIME REFUSES?! GJ CHOKES HER?! AND SHE STILL REFUSES. HOLY CRAP SHE’S REFUSING TO ENABLE THIS SELF-DESTRUCTIVE SHIT ANYMORE. Oh my god.

14. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a healer character in a Shonen do this before. Like even Recovery Girl in MHA - she said she wouldn’t but she always does anyway. Hime being the first ever to legitimately say “NOPE. ENOUGH’S ENOUGH. GO AHEAD AND CHOKE ME DUDE I DNGAF. WON’T DO IT.” Holy crap.

15.  Ichi jumps in with what little strength he’s got to stop GJ choking Hime. Thanks Ichi. Though he immediately asks Hime to heal him and GJ. Even though she just said she wouldn’t. 

16. Oh. Oh. I get it. This is the GOLD OL FASHIONED SHONEN RIVALRY THING. GJ has apparently decided to replace Uryu as The Rival. (Does this mean I have to switch to Ichigo/GJ? I have no idea how old GJ is supposed to be, but I’m down for Immortal Rukia x 16 year old Hime so clearly we’re working on vampire rules here)

17. Oh and it looks like Hime did heal them. Dammit Hime (or not dammit cause we’re gonna get this fight.) Ichi tells the ladies not to worry about him. Um dude you end up hospitalized every goddamn arc.

18. HIME PATS NEL ON THE HEAD. OMG HIME’S ADOPTED HER TOO. She and Nel debate about whether or not Ichi will really win. Hime explains that Ichi wouldn’t lie, and that she knows him well enough to know that.

19. See this kinda stuff is why I don’t mind that these two are gonna be the Official Couple the way most Shonen couples tend to annoy me. Hime genuinely knows Ichi as a person, she’s not watching him from a distance and never a part of his life. She genuinely knows his whole story, what makes him tick, and who he really is. It’s not perfect per se but it’s so much better than what I’ve seen in any other shonen couple’s development.

20. Ichi and GJ’s fight keeps going still with lots of big flashy moves. LOL GJ is annoyed that Ichi isn’t excited to kill him for hurting Rukia. Senpai isn’t paying him enough Rival Attention. 

21. Please don’t kill Nel or hime to motivate Ichi to want to kill you GJ. I like you but you’re on thin ice with that Choking Hime thing from earlier. GJ is confronting him about why he didn’t just grab Hime and leave and end this arc right there. Hm.

22. GJ makes an interesting point here. He claims Ichi came here to fight and not to save Hime. You know I was thinking this back in the first arc, where it seemed like he was prioritizing fighting people over saving Ruki. Like this arc though he’s been way more focused on the saving part of things though so I’m not sure if that’s true here. Like has he grown since then? Or is GJ actually right?

23.  Ichi notices that GJ seems to be aiming at Hime. Holy crap dude that’s cheating. And wow Ichi instantly goes Hollow Masky to save her! And all feral-y and shit. You know I feel like that sorta proves that he really is here for Hime, since he didn’t start fighting this way until GJ threatened her. 

24. Well those were two really good episodes! Nice development for GJ and Ulqui, Ichi and Hime. So many of my faves got some good focus here. I feel like I need to legitimately process it for a sec. 

-So Hime is starting to feel like she doesn’t want to enable Ichi’s Constantly Fighting to the Death thing anymore. Interesting development, I wonder how that will play out going forward?

-Ichi’s motives have been cast in an interesting shadow. Is he only in this for the thrill of a good fight (like Goku) or is he in it to save his friends (like Naruto)? Which flavor of Shonen hero are you Ichi?

-Grimmjow seems to have officially betrayed Aizen for the sake of a good fight and has identified himself clearly as Ichigo’s rival. Interesting - i guess this has been building for a while.

-The development of Ichigo and Hime’s relationship in this episode was really interesting. It raises great questions about Ichigo’s side of things - was he doing this for a fight, or because he cares for Hime? Little of A, little of B? This is gonna be good

[artificialqueens]

White Noise (What an Awful Sound) Ch.2 (Crystal/Gigi) - Meta

A/N: I hope everyone enjoyed the first chapter! I’ve been having a lot of fun writing it. Please leave any feedback/opinions/suggests you have, I love reading what people think about my work! :)

“Gigi, breakfast is ready!” The sound of her mother’s voice woke Gigi up. She rolled over to check the time on her phone, 9 am. Ugh, who the hell wakes up this early on a Sunday? Her parents must really be laying into the new “suburban” lifestyle. Breakfast together early every morning, family dinners. Oh maybe they’ll even have movie night! Gigi ignored all the texts she’d received from her friends back home while she was asleep, rolling herself out of bed and walking to the bathroom. She rummaged around in the box labeled “Gigi’s Toiletries” in her mom’s beautiful cursive. Pulling out her face wash and moisturizer before turning to the sink where her toothbrush rested from the night before.

Once back in her room Gigi picked out an outfit for the day. Scanning through the clothes she’d already put away in her closet, she decided on a long, pale green skirt that had a small slit revealing some of her left leg and just a cropped white shirt. Gigi gave herself a quick once over before rushing downstairs.

“My god, would you look at that. Sleeping Beauty has finally joined the rest of the living.” Gigi’s dad said. He was sitting at their dining table sipping coffee out of a mug and scrolling on his phone. Gigi was willing to bet all of her savings he was looking at Facebook. These damn 40’s somethings, always on their goddamn phones. Just shameful.

“There’s so evidence to prove I’m not sleep walking right now.’’ She said, taking a seat next to her father.

“You washed your face, brushed your teeth, and got dressed.” Gigi’s mother replied, poking her head out of the kitchen.

“Right…so what’s for breakfast?” She eyed her father’s plate but he had already eaten what was on it.

“Cereal for you since you decided to take so long.”

“Paul stop it,” Her mom hit his arm playfully before putting a plate of waffles in front of Gigi, “apparently, your father’s version of unpacking the kitchen is only taking out the waffle iron.”

“Hate to say it but I’m not surprised.” Gigi said.

“I am shocked and appalled by how little you two think of me, really. Just wow.” He replied, feigning hurt. Gigi’s dad stood from the table, taking his plate into the kitchen and placing it in the sink. He whispered a small ‘thank you’ before pulling Gigi’s mom in for a kiss. The teen just ignored her parents, public displays of affection were normal in their house. Gigi had a theory that her father was so affectionate to make up for how much time he spent at work back in LA, always hugging, kissing, or holding her mother’s hand just to let her know he’s still there.

“Anyway, Gigi honey, your father and I need to go to the store and get some things for the house. Do you want to come with us?” Gigi just shook her head, she could use this time to unpack her room some more. “Okay, well we should be home before 4. Please don’t forget, we’re going over to have dinner with the Methyd’s at 5.”

“I will be ready, promise.”

Her parents made their way out the front door, her mom yelling something about wearing a jacket if she left the house. Please, like Gigi was gonna leave the house. Where would she go? To hang out with all her friends here in Missouri? No Gigi was going to go back upstairs and unpack her room. She hated living out of boxes, even if it had only been a day. Back home she waited until the very last second to pack up all her things. Nicky, her best friend, had told her to ‘stop stalling and pack your shit already’ to which Gigi argued that she hadn’t been. Now she was willing to admit Nicky had been right. Just because she refused to throw some random crap she’d had all her life into a box didn’t change the fact that the ‘For Sale’ sign outside her house was real. But now Gigi was ready to settle into her new room.

About an hour later Gigi had made good progress on her room. She’d just finished organizing her books when she heard a crash followed by a lot of expletives that she was glad her parents weren’t around to hear. Gigi walked over to her window, trying to see what was going on. She chuckled to herself as she watched Crystal struggle with an easel on her porch. “Oh my god she’s losing a fight to a fucking easel.” Gigi said, slipping on a pair of white sandals before running downstairs and out the front door. She made her away across the street, still smiling at the sight.

“Want some help?” She asked, finally reaching the other girl.

“Jesus, fuck. You were not supposed to see this.” Crystal laughed. She ran a hand through her curls before looking up at Gigi, a fake pout painted across her face. She is way too adorable for her own good, holy shit.

“Well, too bad.” Gigi said. She bent over and started picking all the art supplies that, she guessed, had been knocked over during the struggle.

“I can’t get it to stand up. I don’t know what’s wrong, it was fine up in my room.” Crystal sighed, giving up and letting it drop to the floor. Gigi nodded.

“Okay, well how many times did you let it do that?” She joked.

“I-I may have dropped it three times while dragging it down the stairs, yeah.”

“I think I may know what your problem is.” She said.

“Wow, you know I am so glad Missouri has someone of your intelligence level living in it now. If it wasn’t for you I would still be fighting for my life against that thing.” Crystal pointed in disgust towards where the easel lay on the porch. Gigi just laughed in response. A silence fell over the girls. To Gigi’s surprise, for one of the only few times in her life, it wasn’t an awkward silence. Crystal wasn’t expecting a response from her, instead she turned her attention to focus on organizing her paints.

“Uh, okay, I, um, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to hang out today?” Gigi shifted in her spot, running a hand awkwardly through her hair. Crystal raised her eyebrows and smiled.

“Actually, I’m just not entirely sure I can handle a full day with you,” Crystal said. Gigi’s eyebrows furrowed, “I mean you just have such an overpowering personality.”

“Right, yeah, I’ve heard that about myself many times.” Gigi nodded in relief.  Just as she finished talking Crystal phone vibrated, she pulled it out of her back pocket to check the notification.

“Well Ms. Gigi Goode, you’re in luck. My friend Lux just asked me to go thrifting with her. Wanna come?” Crystal stood up and walked closer to Gigi. She bit her lip while waiting for the brunette’s response.

“Oh um, yeah sure. I’d love to.” Gigi said. In that moment she was positive she would’ve said yes no matter what Crystal invited her to.

Crystal ran inside to grab the keys to her car and say bye to her mom before dashing back to Gigi and grabbing her hand, “Okay let’s go.” She pulled Gigi toward her car, her skin burning where they’d made contact. Crystal’s car was very old and a horrendous mustard color but she loved it because it got her away from her parents. She was the only one in her friend group with a car, which meant all her friends loved it too. Gigi had to admit, Crystal was not a very good driver. She was always just a little bit too far over the speed limit for comfort and drove with her left leg up on the seat. They drove in silence, well Gigi was silent. Crystal couldn’t help but sing along to every song that came on as they made their way in town to the thrift store. Crystal’s taste in music was definitely different from Gigi’s, playing songs from King Princess, Cage the Elephant, and Hozier, whereas Gigi was more of a pop girl. She basically played Dua Lipa on repeat 24/7. Sitting so close to Crystal while Cherry Wine played throughout the car made Gigi feel overwhelmed, she tried to slow her breath as she stared down at where their hands both rested on the console. She resisted the urge to intertwine their fingers together, missing the feeling from earlier. She studied the other girl’s fingers, the way they dance ever so slightly to the music, the chipped purple nail polish she wore. She had rings on almost all of her fingers.

“You okay?” Crystal asked, glancing at Gigi out of the corner of her eye. She looked like she was going to be sick. But as soon as Crystal spoke Gigi snapped out of it, smiling and peeling her eyes away from their hands to look up at Crystal.

“Yeah, just uh- never mind.” Gigi stopped herself from saying something stupid. She felt foolish, she hadn’t even known this girl for 24 hours and she already had the urge to profess her love to her. She didn’t even know if Crystal was gay. Well, actually that’s not true, she listened to King Princess and Lana Del Rey. The girl was definitely some flavor of gay. Plus nobody that dressed like that was straight.

“What? No, tell me!” Crystal pouted.

“It’s nothing. Just your music makes me feel like I’m in a coming-of-age movie or something.” Gigi said. She tried to fight off the blush creeping across her cheeks. Crystal just laughed, making Gigi regret she said it.

“I like to listen to this kind of music when alone or like painting. It makes me feel calm and inspired. Or like I’m gonna be the next great sapphic artist,” Well, shit, there it was. The confirmation Gigi needed to insure her gaydar wasn’t completely broken. She swallowed hard, not wanting to show any reaction. “I just need to find my muse.” Now it was Crystal who was stealing glances at their hands, moving her hand just close enough that she could feel the heat radiating from Gigi’s. Missing that same heat when she reluctantly pulled her hand away so she could pull into a parking spot.

The girls made their way into the small shop that was filled with very loud clothes. The way Crystal dressed suddenly all made sense. There were only three other people in the shop, they were all standing together loudly talking about how horrendous the huge bubble gum pink dress in front of them was.

“Oh thank fuck, finally. Crystal you have to try this on!” One of them said, grabbing the dress off the rack and running up to Crystal. She stopped and gave Gigi a confused, but welcoming look. The girl looked so much like a fairy, Gigi had to suppress the urge to ask her how Tinker Bell was.

“Hi, I’m Daya.” Another girl, the tallest in the group, came up to them and put her hand out for Gigi to shake.

“Gigi,” She said, taking her hand. Gigi couldn’t help but notice how pretty they all were. What the hell is in the Missouri water?

“That’s Lux,” Crystal said pointing to the small blonde who was being swallowed by all the fabric of the dress she was holding, “and that’s Daegan.” Crystal pointed to the girl who was standing next to Daya.

“I really like your hair.” Gigi said, looking at Daegan’s bright pink hair. She wished she could pull off a color like that but alas she was destined to have boring brown hair for the rest of her life.

“Oh, my god thank you.” Daegan said, “I like her, Crystal can we keep her?” She made puppy dog eyes toward the girl who just laughed.

“Excuse me, hello?!” Lux huffed from under the dress, “Can we get back to Crys trying this on please.” She whined.

“Holy shit, yeah babe you have to try it on.” Daya said pushing past Gigi and taking the dress from Lux. Gigi felt her heart drop into her stomach. Babe? Crystal had a girlfriend? Not just that but a fucking hot girlfriend? Ugh the homophobia of it all. Gigi just walked over to the nearest rack and started looking through all the clothes, trying to ignore the giggles coming from Crystal as Daya pushed her into a dressing room.

A few minutes later Crystal emerged from the dressing room, pulling the thick velvet curtain back dramatically. She walked confidently out into the middle of the store and spun around for all her friends to see.

“You’ve never looked better.” Daegan said as she pulled her phone out to take a video of Crystal dancing around like an idiot. Crystal curtsied and let out a ‘thank you’ in a horrible British accent.

“I think we found your prom dress!” Lux added jumping up and down like a little kid. Crystal made a disgusted face.

“I’m not going to prom, and even if I was, I would never wear a dress.” She put a finger in her mouth and pretended to throw up.

“Ugh not this again. Crystal Elizabeth Methyd you’re going to prom, you have to,” Daya crossed her arms and stared sternly at Crystal for a few seconds before giving up and turning to Gigi, “Tell her she has to go to prom.”

Gigi looked between the girls confused. What kind of power did they think she had over Crystal? They’d just met, you couldn’t even classify them as friends yet. Shouldn’t Daya be the one to convince Crystal, she’s the one that’s her girlfriend here not Gigi. “I-I’ve never been to prom before but I’m sure it’s really fun. My mom says everyone should go to at least one of their proms.”

Crystal rolled her eyes, “Your mom sounds like mine.” Why couldn’t her friends just leave it alone? She already told them a million times she wasn’t going, although the thought of seeing Gigi in a prom dress did intrigue her. Crystal turned around and walked back into the dressing room.

The girls stayed in the shop for a couple of hours, trying on ugly hats and way too big sunglasses, before Lux declared that they had to leave because she was hungry. Crystal bought three button up shirts, that Daegan said looked something her dad would wear, and a bright turquoise and pink windbreaker that Gigi’s mom definitely would have owned in the 90’s.

They all climbed into Crystal’s car, Daegan complaining that making her sit in the back was transphobia. Crystal just ignored her and opened the passenger door for Gigi. She felt awkward in the front, shouldn’t Daya be sitting here so they could hold hands or something? Gigi ignored her thoughts, enjoying the way Crystal’s perfume smelled.

Being in the car with Crystal’s friends was very different than being with just Crystal. Daegan immediately stole the AUX to play Megan Thee Stallion, Doja Cat, and Nicki Minaj while Lux complained that she wanted to listen to Grimes. Crystal just ignored them trying to focus on driving with all the yelling going on around her.

They had finally calmed down, Lux accepting that there was no chance in hell Daegan was changing the music for her, until the question of where to eat came up. Daya voted for Taco Bell while Daegan complained that they had Taco Bell last time. Lux suggested Chick Fil A before being shut down by Crystal, reminding her that they no longer supported the restaurant because of their anti-lgbtq beliefs. Lux rolled her eyes while Daegan joked that the only reason she ate there was because their hatred for her existence made it fun.

“What about pizza?” Gigi offered. Before anyone could protest Crystal said yes, giving everyone in the back seat a stern look. They all murmured reluctant okay’s before changing the subject to gossip about someone from school.

They finally pulled into a small pizza place with picnic tables scattered out front and a burnt out sign that read ‘The Big Slice’. Daya and Lux grabbed a picnic table while Crystal and Daegan went in to order, Gigi opted to stay outside and wait for them to come back.

It was kind of awkward without Crystal there and Gigi found herself racking her brain for something to say. The other girls hadn’t said anything since they sat down either, instead staring at their phones.

“Uh, so uh Daya how long have y-you and Crystal been dating?” Gigi asked, nervously looking between her and Lux.

Daya choked back a laugh, “What? Crys and I aren’t dating. Ew that would be like dating my sister.”

“Oh I’m sorry, I-I just heard you call her babe and assumed.” She couldn’t help but feel relieved, hoping her face didn’t show it. Lux busted out laughing at the idea of Crystal and Daya together and couldn’t stop.

“I call everyone babe, don’t worry.” Daya assured her. Gigi swallowed, oh god could she tell that Gigi liked Crystal. She thought she had been discreet when she looked at her but apparently not.

“Oh I’m no-” She started to protest.

“What’s so funny?” Daegen asked as she and Crystal made their way to the table. She sat in between Daya and Lux while Crystal planted herself right next to Gigi.

“S-she,” Lux tried to get out, pointing at Gigi, “she thought you two were dating.” Daegen joined in and after a couple of seconds Daya found herself laughing too. Gigi tried to laugh but it just came out as an awkward chuckle. The only one who wasn’t laughing was Crystal. She wore a horrified expression, her eyes bouncing between Gigi and Daya. “Why, why, uh um why would you think that?” Crystal’s eyebrows furrowed as she turned attention completely to Gigi. But she just shrugged and said it didn’t matter.

The conversation was forgotten as soon as the waitress brought out the pizza and everyone was too busy stuffing their faces to talk about how bad of a couple Crystal and Daya would make.

As time passed it became easier for Gigi to be around Crystal’s friends, she actually enjoyed how loud they all were. With everyone else fighting to talk over each other no one really noticed Gigi’s lack of input. Thank god, she used to hate how her friends back home would always try to pull her into the conversation. Why couldn’t they understand if she had something to say she would goddamn say it.

“Oh shit. It’s almost 4. My parents are gonna be home soon and I promised I would be there to get ready for tonight.” Gigi said looking down at her phone. She started to stand up from the table.

“Oh okay, I’ll uh drive you home.” Crystal said, standing up too.

“You don’t have to, I can just walk or uh call a lyft or something.” Gigi said, secretly hoping Crystal would insist.

“Excuse me, what about us?” Lux whined.

“Also what’s tonight?” Daya asked.

“Huh? Oh Gigi and her parents are coming over for dinner.” Crystal mumbled, knowing there was bound to be teasing from her friends. They all raised their eyebrows but before any of them could say anything inappropriate Crystal pushed Gigi toward her car. Crystal yelled at them to find their own way home.

“I hate you, bitch!” Daegen shouted at Crystal. She just put up her middle finger and held it up as she climbed into the driver’s seat.

“Don’t let her make you listen to One Direction Gigi!” Daya added before Gigi closed her door, unable to hear them anymore. She couldn’t help but laugh.

The drive was quiet, but this time it wasn’t a comfortable silence. Both of them wanting to say something but too afraid to say it. Crystal put on the same music from before, calm love songs that made Gigi feel like she never wanted them to stop driving.

“Why did you think I was dating Daya?” Crystal asked abruptly, pulling Gigi out of her daydream.

Gigi’s eyebrows furrowed, “What?” God why was she bringing this up again? Gigi never wanted to think about that again.

“C’mon I wanna know,” Crystal pouted, “please!” She begged, turning to look at Gigi.

“It’s nothing, I uh, heard her call you babe and I just assumed,” She shrugged trying to look anywhere but at Crystal.

Crystal didn’t respond, instead they just fell back into uncomfortable silence. Gigi tried to come up with something to say. God the one person she actually wanted to talk to and she couldn’t come up a single fucking thing to say.

“This doesn’t sound like One Direction.” Gigi said.

“Yeah I uh, I only bring that out with people I like,” Crystal shot her a devilish smile, “sorry.”

“You’re such an ass, oh my god.” Gigi laughed, hitting Crystal lightly on her shoulder. She watched as Crystal picked up her phone and unlocked it, quickly changing the song to ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ making Gigi laugh even more. “That’s more like it.”

Crystal finally pulled into her driveway, reluctantly putting the car in park. Gigi lingered in the passenger’s seat, not wanting to miss the heat from Crystal’s body. She slowly unbuckled her seat belt, grabbing the handle to the car door.

“So uh, I’ll see you tonight, yeah?” Crystal asked, unbuckling her own seat belt.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m looking forward to it.” Gigi pulled herself out of the car.

She was halfway down Crystal’s driveway when she heard her name. Gigi spun around to face her, “Yeah?”

“I had fun, uh with you,” She stopped as if she was searching for a difficult word, “today. I had fun with you today.” She ran a hand awkwardly through her hair.

Gigi chuckled, “I had fun with you too, Crystal.”

“Okay, good.” Crystal spun around and stumbled cheerfully up the stairs of her porch, turning around to wave at Gigi one last time before disappearing into her house.

Gigi continued walking back to her own house, smiling the entire way.

[writerofshit]

Secret Santa:X

(This is half headcanon, half fic, all fun times and emotions)

(Shoutout to the Penthouse discord server for help on some of the gifts, would have been lost without you)

The last Christmas they have in the penthouse, Ryan brings up Secret Santa again. It’s partly a joke, partly a nod to the nostalgia that’s been eating at all of them the last few months. He brings it up when they’re all gathered in the living room, watching Gavin try and prove his stealth abilities in Hitman.

(“Just because you can be stealthy in a video game doesn’t mean I’m letting you come with me.” Jack had said at the beginning of it all.

“If I get silent assassin you have to take me!”

“This is your fourth run through!”)

Anyhow, Ryan brings it up, all nonchalant. “Remember that year we did Secret Santa?”

“No?” Jeremy says honestly.

“Before your time.” Michael says with a smile, patting him on the head.

“It was fun. We should do it again.”

(”Goddamnit!” On screen, Gavin dies again.)

The next day they have a meeting of all the ‘movers and shakers’, as Geoff has taken to calling them. He announces that Secret Santa is yet again a thing, and no, Matt, you can’t get out of it. There’s no budget, because they all have access to more money than they know what to do with.

They throw eleven names in a hat and go from there. Geoff calls first pick because he’s an asshole like that, and his choice picks next, so on and so forth.

 “Just get your shit done by Christmas, and we’ll do it then.”

--

Geoff pulls Gavin, and only panics a little.

The kid has everything he could ever want, what’s he really supposed to do? He considers what he might need, ends up crossing ‘bulletproof vest and a helmet’ off the list because it feels a little impersonal. He could do liquor of some sort, but he suspects there will be enough of that floating around on Christmas day.

He considers a camera, knows Gavin is into that kind of shit, but he’s lost a lot of knowledge in that department over the years. The only person who knows enough is Gavin himself, and that kind of defeats the point.

He ends up going for a new pair of gold shades, because the old ones are pretty worn out after six-plus years, and he’s almost positive Gavin has lost them. (Probably in Ryan’s room, but that’s neither here nor there) He gets a pair that have diamonds along the arms, and even though they’re ridiculously expensive he thinks it’s worth it.

Gavin adores them, has them on within 30 seconds of unwrapping them. He pokes himself in the eye, and that feels like a bonus to Geoff.

--

Gavin pulls Trevor, and while he plays it off at first “Oh, this will be easy, I got this person for sure!” he absolutely has no idea what to do.

 There’s a weird bit of time where he tries to get to know Trevor better. He learns absolutely nothing new, despite following the guy for almost a week.

There’s a night he lays in bed with Ryan, bitching about this whole thing. “What the hell do I do? This was terrible for me last time, why would you suggest this?”

He ends up calling Barbara from the Roosters to try and figure out something, who promptly makes fun of him for not knowing anything about the guy he’s worked with for years. She does give one bit of new information, so he goes with it.

He gives Trevor tickets to the next Motocross event, because it’s apparently something he’s into. He throws in a NASA t-shirt as a joke, a nod to the world Trevor left behind.

Both items go over well, Trevor immediately pulling the shirt on over what he’s already wearing. He won’t shut up about Motocross for the rest of the day, either.

--

Trevor pulls Ryan, which he’s immediately terrified of.

 He knows Ryan well enough to know that there won’t be any serious repercussions if he fucks it up, he won’t get gutted over a poor gift choice. But he also knows he’ll get that weird stare Ryan does when he’s pretending to consider whether or not to hurt someone. Plus he won’t live it down from the rest of the crew.

At first he goes to Gavin for help, because apparently nobody is taking the ‘secret’ part seriously. Gavin absolutely refuses to help him, mostly for the laughs. He knows Gavin’s getting a kick out of watching him squirm over this, which is so unfair. Then he asks Jack for help, who just shrugs. 

“You’re a smart guy, Trevor, you’ll figure something out.”

He does, sort of. He gives Ryan a 24 pack of diet coke (because what else?) and an actually beautiful rainbow knife. It seems pretty heavy duty, and he knows its right up his alley. He also throws in some earplugs as a joke.

 “So you can tune out Gav’s idiocy whenever you need.”

“Come on, Trevor. I’ve had years of practice at that. The knife is gorgeous though.”

--

Ryan pulls Alfredo, and he’s not too worried about it.

Alfredo’s their go-to sniper these days, and a new sniper rifle seems pretty obvious. Maybe a gift card to Ammunation or something? It does feel a little lackluster, even to him, so he brings it up to Gavin one night, while Gav is still debating t-shirts from Amazon.

“That’s a bit boring, isn’t it?”

“You’re buying a NASA shirt for an ex-aerospace engineer. I’m gonna need you to rethink your stance on this one.”

“Nah. You gotta do something better for Fredo, he deserves it.”

Which. alright, then what the fuck is he supposed to do? He gets his answer the next week when he sees Alfredo on a motorcycle for the first time.

“I’m going to teach you how to actually ride that thing.” Which is good, a chance to catch up and hang out. Bad, because Ryan’s method of teaching is ‘learn by doing’ and does in fact result in shouting.

Ryan still gives him the sniper rifle, which he is far more excited about.

--

Alfredo pulls Fiona, and it’s the first time he marginally regrets joining the crew.

He’s got no fucking idea what she’d like, what gift she’d appreciate and not hit him over. He tries to be casual about asking around, hoping someone might have better insight. The rest of the crew catches on immediately, and they flood him with false information.

“She loves chocolate. Favorite Halloween candy, in fact!” Michael tells him, but the grin he has says otherwise.

“She mentioned something about wanting to learn a new language.” Jack says seriously.

“Get her an English to French dictionary, she’ll love it.” Gavin tacks on.

“French, yep. She definitely wants to learn that one.”

Lindsay is the only one who actually helps him. “She’s been known to enjoy a drink or two.”

By sheer luck he happens to walk into one of the thousand arguments Fiona has with Michael over the whole ‘Halloween candy’ debacle, and he knows immediately that's a bad route to go down.

He ends up making a gift basket full of liquor mini’s and various candies. He makes sure not to include any chocolates, and throws some extra blowpops in, just to be safe.

Thankfully, she does appreciate the thought he put in, and she says she’ll only share with Alfredo since everyone else is an asshole.

--

Fiona pulls Lindsay, and it’s not hard to figure out what she’ll like.

 She considers something chaotic, the two of them wreaking havoc on the city together. It makes sense. She also thinks about organizing a ‘girls day’, getting all the ladies of the crew together to go out and fuck some shit up. There’s a lot of logistics involved in that one, including convincing some of them to be out in the field like that.

It crosses her mind to bring Lindsay to a shelter to play with cats, because if there’s one thing Lindsay likes more than chaos, it’s cats. That’s also a bit of a logistical nightmare, not to mention the strength it would take to pry her away.

In the end she goes with cat merch. It’s a basket full of goodies, including a mug with a cat holding a bi-pride flag, a dress with various cartoon cats on it, and a cat necklace that has her birthstone as the body.

It’s beautiful, and Lindsay just about cries. She too, immediately changes into her new clothing, and she drinks everything out of the mug for at least a month.

--

Lindsay pulls Matt, and at first she panics.

She knows him fairly well, but like... He’s a real weirdo, what’s she supposed to do with that? She wonders what games he could use, if there’s anything he hasn’t bought himself.

Her confusion lasts until she mentions it to Michael. (Only after he let it slip who he’d picked.)

“Are you fucking kidding me? Matt’s the easiest goddamn one!”

“Bullshit! Name one thing you know about M.att B.ragg!”

“He eats like shit! Give him a box of donuts and he’ll lose his fuckin mind.”

Her response of  “Oh my god.” is barely heard.

She spends a week trying out different recipes, much to Ryan’s delight. He’s happy to play taste-tester while she finds the perfect flavor combination.

She winds up going with a double chocolate espresso concoction. Matt is, of course, super stoked about his cupcakes, and damn near has to fight Ryan off to protect them.

--

Matt pulls Jeremy, which is pretty much a slam dunk.

Whiskey is the obvious choice, one he’ll absolutely go with, thank you very much. Who said taking the easy way out never got you anywhere?

And it would have, if it weren’t for Geoff.

There’s a debate that happens about a week before Christmas, something about the necessity of going to the liquor store. Michael and Jeremy are firmly pro-trip, and Geoff just wants them to “stay home and do some goddamn work. Besides, it’s not like half of you guys aren’t buying each other liquor anyway. In a week I’m sure we’ll be fully stocked.”

Which, alright. Fuck Matt then, huh? He’d genuinely thought it was a good idea, a mix of thoughtful and practical.

He decides to pair the whiskey with- well, it’s kind of a joke gift, but at least he won’t be accused of only buying liquor.

He commissions a customized cowboy hat. Half purple half orange, split right down the middle. There’s a neon yellow buckle on it, and it’s the ugliest thing Matt has ever seen in his life.

Jeremy loves it though, thinks it’s goddamn perfect. He wears it for the rest of the day, and for the next heist.

(Michael is less enthused.)

--

Jeremy pulls Michael, and that-

That’s harder than it should be.

He and Michael have been doing this... Whatever the fuck it is for over six months now, and they haven’t goddamn talked about. Not really. They’ve had moments,sure, here and there when they’re both drunk and thinking far too much about it. Reminding each other that they’re happy, that this is a good time, wouldn’t change it for the world-

But there’s still nights they sleep alone and they don’t talk about why. They still don’t really mention it to anyone else, even if they all know. Jeremy still doesn’t know how to answer when someone asks what the deal is with him and Michael.

So it’s hard, right, to come up with a relationship- appropriate gift. Too jokey and he’ll feel bad. Too serious isn’t their style at all. Plus like… how’s he supposed to do that in front of everybody? Just because they know there’s something there doesn’t mean they need to put on a show.

He settles on the obvious, nice bottle of tequila and a couple of shot glasses. It’s not exactly personal, but it’s good enough to show the room.

Later, in a quiet moment they can steal away, Jeremy offers to take him out the next night.

“We’ll do the bar thing, just you and me. My treat.”

“Oh yeah? You’re buying my drinks all night?” Michael asks him with a sly grin.

“I uh- I’ll get your drinks for as long as you’ll have me.” and it doesn’t come out exactly right, but they both know what he means by it.

Earns him a smile and a sweet kiss, and that alone is worth it.

--

Michael pulls Jack, and he runs through a few options.

He considers buying her furniture, because he knows she'll need it when they all finally do move out. But Jack has a good head on her shoulders and probably already has that shit on lock.

He looks into custom shelving, for all the knick knacks she's collected over the years. He could get it designed in colors she'd like and shell out extra for lighting and all that shit. But she doesn't have a new place yet, as far as he knows, so that's kind of a bust.

He could give her what amounts to a gift certificate, an offer to pay for whatever she wants made, but that seems kind of… Empty?

There's the age old alcohol gift, but that's been done before, and is probably being done by almost everyone else.

He mentions to Lindsay how weirdly difficult it is to buy something for Jack, get’s zero advice but somehow helps her figure out the whole Matt mystery.

In the end he decides to help her out and piss her off, a little bit of a win-win kinda thing. He buys her a couple of new shirts, bold and flowery and almost as bad as Jeremy’s Rimmy Tim shtick. He hates them but he knows she loves them, so it’s worth it.

He tells her it’s because her old shirts gotta be falling out of fashion, an opinion she is not happy about.

But it’s fine, because he also gets her tickets to fucking Disney World, of all places. He even offers to go with her, which she absolutely takes him up on.

It’s more fun than he expects, and it’s a really good chance to actually spend some time with her. He hadn’t realized it had been so long.

--

Jack pulls Geoff, which.

It’s no secret that Geoff is a sentimental bastard when it comes to the crew. It’s exactly why he’d spent months talking to her about the possibility of selling the penthouse, trying to figure out exactly how everyone would react, trying to figure out how he would react to not having them all so close anymore. She spent countless nights listening to him wonder what it meant that he wanted his own space.

Objectively, he was probably a bad person but his love and fierce loyalty to the crew made up for that, in some ways, right? So how can he kick them out, how can he do this to them, he’s being selfish-

And she had just explained to him that he had to do what was right for him. That it was understandable. That he was right, they could all use the opportunity to be a little more independent. She was looking forward to having her own space, and in time the rest of them would too.

So when she pulls Geoff’s name, she knows she’s gotta lean into that a bit. She could get him some books, some puzzles maybe. He’d mentioned off-hand that he missed having the space for them, because the kitchen table was always covered in some sort of crew shenanigans.

She does get him those, because she knows they’ll get some use.

But the big thing is the collage.

She’s had pictures of the crew on her phone for years, dating all the way back to her and Geoff in a shitty apartment. She’s got some of Ray, curled up on the couch with a DS in his hand. Gavin and Michael wrestling one drunken night. Ryan, nodded off on the couch after a heist, face paint still on and a complete mess. Jeremy trying to teach Matt something resembling self-defense. Lindsay cuddling a stray cat she had taken in. Trevor and Alfredo in matching clothes, playing up the ‘twin’ joke that had been going around. Fiona in that bright yellow suit, modeling for her Instagram.

There’s one she gets at the last minute, gets somebody from the support team to take right before their latest heist. It’s all eleven of them, full heist get-up, masks and obnoxious fashion choices and guns tucked here and there. They’re in the boardroom, running through it one more time before they take off, and in retrospect, it’s probably the last time they’ll do that in that room.

She sets that one in the middle, surrounded by all of these moments from the last 12 years.

“For your new place, when you find it.” Jack says.

It’s beautiful, and it makes Geoff cry. It brings some sniffles from a lot of them, even if they all deny it.

Leaving the penthouse isn’t the easiest thing for any of them, but it’s the right move. After all, they’re still a family.

[of-another-broken-heart]

It’s a bad brain, no energy, sad day for me. 

Yesterday was my mom’s birthday. Also my Nana’s. It was a nice day, all things considered. But I did spend a LOT of time cooking and cleaning (and fucking up, because of course). We went to the cemetery for a little bit. 

I spent a full 12 fucking hours in bed. Tossing and turning the whole time.

Temperatures have dropped, finally, which is great. But my nose and sinuses haven’t adjusted, so I’ve been struggling with congestion and dry-air sneezing. 

My bed is still the same six inches of two-decade-old springs lifted on a simple frame of parallel metal bars, with no padding and only one pillow. Vaguely in the middle of the clearest/cleanest part of the basement, with no walls or headboard. Not that I could use a headboard anyway - I’ve got too much trauma with parasitic bugs making colonies in any fibrous material, and SURPRISE we still have bed bugs because we have nowhere else to go to actually have this place properly treated, nor the money to afford such treatment, and it’s not like the landlord will do anything about it until we’re long gone. 

All that to say, I sleep like shit. Rolling over physically hurts at this point because of how stiff my back gets and how tense and cramped my muscles end up, trying to get even a little comfortable. And it’s loud. Every time I move, the springs crunch on their own, and creak against the bed frame itself. 

Today I’m sad. I’m tired. I’m not hungry - mostly thanks to last night’s birthday dinner and its leftovers - but I’m craving vegetables and protein. But I’m an exhausted pauper whose exhaustive list of “stuff I have access to, and can make for myself” is... cheap ramen noodles, tuna sandwich, and... instant oatmeal, I guess. I’m almost out of oatmeal, though. And, like everything else, that’s expensive to replace now. Especially if you want something more than plain oats. You can spend $10 on a basic small container of “quick cook oats” or you can take those same $10 and buy two boxes of instant oatmeal with some spices and flavor mixed in. Ten fucking dollars. 

I actually bought some canned soups yesterday. They were supposed to be on sale 4 for $4 - a seriously good sale, since the fucking things are normally $3-4 a piece. But part of that sale price was a store coupon which apparently requires 24 hours advance notice to use (digital coupon). So they were 4 for $6 instead and I immediately regretted buying them. Poverty trauma sure is fun! 

It’s all the same shit. Nothing is different, nothing is better. 

I am running out of my disease meds. 

I’ve been trying for 2 months now to get my “6-month follow-up” appointment and blood lab referral, because treatment for my incurable life-long disease is gatekept behind check-ins STILL, during this PANDEMIC, which I am ESPECIALLY SUSCEPTIBLE TO DIE IN. It’s supposed to be a remote appointment. My last one was via zoom. And I did have to physically go to the blood lab, because... duh. 

I don’t know what else to do. Kinda just bracing for potentially fatal withdrawal symptoms, because that’s healthy, right? Healthcare so inaccessible that’s the only option I’ve got left for myself, haha. Totally normal! 

I just cannot realistically fathom how any of this is going to ever get better. 

I’m sad. I’m tired. I’m hopeless. 

[eldritchsurveys]

806.

1. Humpty Dumpty: Have you ever felt so broken that you didn’t feel like you could be put back together again? >> Absolutely. And oddly enough, I’m still here, and probably not quite as broken as I imagined myself to be. Brains aren’t nearly as good at predicting the future as they think they are.

2. Jack and Jill: Have you ever tumbled/rolled down a grassy hill? >> Yes. It’s great fun.

3. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star: Do you enjoy stargazing? Has anyone ever gotten a star named for you? >> It’s not something I really go out and do, but I do love me some stars. I’ve not had the star-naming happen, though.

4. Little Bo Peep: Have you ever thought you lost something that was actually right in front of you the whole time? >> Yeah, that tends to happen when I get used to putting something in a certain place and then I unthinkingly put it somewhere else one day and fuck myself up.

5. Itsy Bitsy Spider: What do you typically do on a rainy day? >> Nothing different, usually. If it rains in the morning it might change whether I go out for a walk or not, but otherwise my daily activities remain the same.

6. Baa Baa Black Sheep: Do you own any clothing made out of wool? >> I don’t think so.

7. Ring Around the Rosie: Did you know that this childhood song/nursery rhyme is actually about The Black Death? >> I’ve heard that.

8. Five Little Ducks: Have you ever gotten lost before? >> Yeah.

9. I’m a Little Teapot: What is your favorite flavor/type of tea to drink? >> I like herbal teas, particularly ginger and mint. I also like vanilla chai and the occasional fruit variety.

10. Hokey Pokey: How were you taught to understand the difference between your left and right sides? >> I don’t remember how I was taught this.

11. Old MacDonald Had a Farm: What is your favorite farm animal? >> Sheep and goats are adorable. But so are cows, especially those fluffy ones... Regardless of their cuteness, though, I couldn’t be around any farm animal for long because the smell would slowly kill me.

12. Make up your own lyric for “Down By The Bay”. >> Ha, I used to sing this song to myself repeatedly for like hours when I was a kid. I’d rather not make up my own lyric for it now, though.

13. Little Miss Muffet: Would you be terrified if a spider sat down beside you? >> Nah. I am also a spider. I like visiting with my kin.

14. Rockabye Baby: Do you feel that this is a more calming or terrifying lullaby for children? >> I just think it’s funny, because like... yeah. Why the fuck is the baby in the tree, lmao. Nursery rhymes are wild.

15. Hickory Dickory Dock: What are you usually doing when the clock strikes 1? >> AM or PM? If PM, I’m probably gaming or something. If AM, I’m asleep.

16. Pat-a-Cake: What’s your favorite thing to bake/baked good to eat? >> I don’t bake, and I have no idea what my favourite baked good would be... a good bread, I guess??

17. Why do we stomp our feet if we’re “Happy and We Know It”? Shouldn’t we be doing this when we’re angry instead? >> Eh, I guess you could do it for almost any emotion if you put your mind to it.

18. The Wheels on the Bus: Where’s the furthest you’ve ever gone on a bus before? >> From Colorado to NYC. On two different occasions. Definitely not an experience I’d ever care to repeat.

19. Row, Row, Row Your Boat: Do you enjoy boating? (ie: cruises, kayaking, canoeing, white water rafting, etc) >> I’ve never been boating. I’ve been on ferries? Oh, and once I went to a concert on a boat. That was fun.

20. 3 Blind Mice: Do you know someone who is blind? >> No.

21. 3 Little Kittens: Do you prefer gloves or mittens when getting dressed for chilly weather? >> Gloves, if I must.

22. Jack Be Nimble: Do you enjoy lighting scented candles? >> I mean, sometimes, I guess. I burn incense most often, though.

23. Teddy Bear, Teddy Bear: Have you ever made a teddy bear or any other sort of stuffed animal at Build-a-Bear? If not, do you still have a favorite teddy bear/stuffed animal from your childhood? >> Yeah! I have a dog named Reese from there, I love him. Sparrow has an owl, a Pikachu, and a Squirtle, hah.

24. 5 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed: Have you ever cracked your head open before and needed stitches? >> Nope. I’ve definitely tried to crack my head open, lmao, but I wasn’t any good at it. (Thankfully.)

25. Hey Diddle Diddle: The cat plays a fiddle. What instrument would you like to play? >> Meh. I like singing.

26. Mary Had a Little Lamb: Have you ever brought a pet to school for show and tell before? >> No. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced show-and-tell, actually. I thought it was made up for like movies and shit, lol.

27. Once I Caught a Fish Alive: If you go fishing, do you release the fish afterwards, or do you take them home and cook them? >> I don’t go fishing, but if I did, it wouldn’t be just for the sake of it. I’d prefer to eat the fish afterward.

28. Little Jack Horner: What is your favorite flavor of pie? >> Hmm... sweet potato. Also, apple.

29. Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary: Do you have a garden? What do you plant in it? >> No, we just have a fuckload of potted plants because Sparrow likes them.

30. Miss Mary Mack: Do you wear clothing with a lot of buttons? >> No.

31. Old Mother Hubbard: What is your favorite food to keep in your cupboard? >> Er, I don’t know.

32. There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe: Do you have a lot of siblings growing up? Did you enjoy it? Why or why not? >> I was raised as an only child.

33. This Little Piggy: Do you like roast beef? >> No.

34. Rain, Rain Go Away: Have you ever played outside in the rain before? >> I mean, probably.

35. It’s Raining, It’s Pouring: Do you know someone who snores very loudly? >> Not anymore. My father was notorious for this.

36. Star Light, Star Bright: Do you ever wish on stars? Has one of your wishes actually come true before? >> No.

37. Here is the Beehive: Are you allergic to bees? Do you know anyone who is? Do you enjoy eating honey? >> I don’t know, I’ve never been stung by one. I don’t remember if I know anyone who is allergic. I love eating honey.

38. If All the Raindrops Were Lemon Drops and Gumdrops: What food would you want to rain down from the sky: >> I definitely would not want food to rain down from the sky, lmao.

39. Little Boy Blue: Have you ever slept anywhere other than a bed before? Where?                       >> Yeah. Tiled floors, subway cars, subway platforms, the sidewalk, couches, parks...

40. Do You Know the Muffin Man?: What is your favorite type of muffin to eat? >> I haven’t had a muffin in ages. I’m pretty sure I just don’t care for them.

41. Wee Willie Winkie: Have you ever sleepwalked before? >> No. Lmao, can you imagine being a sleepwalker while sleeping on the streets? That’d be fucked up...

42. B-I-N-G-O: If you had a dog, what would you name it? >> I don’t know, it would depend on the dog.

43. Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone?: Has your pet ever run away from home before? Did it get returned? >> That apparently happened when I was a preteen. We didn’t even have the dog for a full month before he somehow escaped.

44. How Much Is That Doggie in the Window?: What’s the most you would spend when adopting a dog? >> I don’t know, man. I’m not even sure what the going rates are.

45. This Old Man: Do you own any knick-knacks? >> I guess I have a few.

46. 1, 2, Buckle My Shoe: When did you learn to tie your own sneakers? >> I have no idea.

47. Are You Sleeping?: What time do you typically go to bed at night? >> Between 10p and 12a. [a-zebra-is-a-striped-horse]  

[missblissy]

Can I get prompt 13 (wine) for Arthur?

One Word Writing Prompts [pt. 3]

Send me a number 1 thru 50 for a word that I’ll use to write either a headcanon, drabble, or starter. Send 🌀 for a random number instead.

13. — wine

((Thank you for sending in a prompt!! I’m sorry for the wait, anon, I hope you like it!! Enjoy the read! I had so much fun writing this!! I might do a part two or a few more stories on this AU!! let me know what you guys think!!! I’m calling this the Rich!Reader AU!))

The air was warm, muggy, and a little bitter. Anyone could tell that this party was not for the less fortunate. But here Arthur was, blending in with the rich like he was one of them, listening in on conversations of the wealthy in hopes to find some way to rob them. This was only his second week in the toxic state of California. Dutch wanted to try something new, so the gang headed west, as far west as you could go without swimming. The gold mines here produced wealthy owners, along with all the diamonds and other gems they were plucking from the earth.

Arthur had found himself in a very small and isolated city. It was more like a huge town because there was only one factory but dozens of mines and oil reserves. And somehow Arthur got stuck being the spy. He didn’t much like dressing up and mingling with people that obviously would have hated him if they knew who he really was. He needed a damn drink. 

The party was being held in someone’s very large home. Arthur still had yet to meet the host of this party, which was his whole reason for being here. He didn’t even have a name. He was just told the host would reveal themselves when need be, and that Arthur needed to meet them, introduce himself as a lawyer from New York City, and ask as many questions he could about the gold mines here. The only other lead he had was that the host was the owner of the Southern Langdon Gold Mines Inc. 

Just when he thought he’d leave and give up on this ridiculous plan, someone called out while ringing their glass. Arthur looked around among the people, then watched as they all turned one way and looked up. He followed their gazes and saw a woman dressed in all black standing top the grand staircase of this massive home. 

You smiled wide, looking down on your guests, “Welcome, everyone,” Your smile was intoxicating. You held up a large and dark glass of wine, “I’m so glad all of you could make it to the anniversary of my mother and father. A shame they couldn’t be here,” Everyone laughed at your joke.

Arthur wasn’t sure what you meant or why these freaks were laughing. But he was fairly sure you were the person he was looking for. He expected a man, and an old one at that. Instead, he found a beautiful young lady, at least several years younger than himself. This couldn’t be right. Surely your parents were the ones he should be looking for, but apparently, they weren’t here. Arthur grabbed a glass of wine when a butler walked by. He lifted his glass as everyone else did.

“To a wonderful night, my friends!” Your voice was smooth and laced with an underlying ecstasy that Arthur just couldn’t understand. Everyone yelled out a ‘cheers!’ and drank their poison of choice, most of it was a dark red wine.

Arthur tipped his glass back, not particularly enjoying the taste of rotten and fermented grapes. But there wasn’t much else being provided here besides wine, champagne, and surprisingly absinthe. Arthur had tried the green toxic alcohol once before, and he watched all these freaks chug it down. He saw many people doing many kinds of drugs. Was this the equivalent of a teenage party when the parents were away? Or was this just what the wealthy did in their free time? Because there were young and old here alike. 

You stood on your perch atop the stairs, listening to the soft music that played and watching your guest quite literally go wild. Yes, in case anyone was wondering, this was your version of a teenage party when your parents weren’t home. And where were your parents? Well… they were far far away in the deep jungles of Boston, and wouldn’t be home for another month. So surely their young daughter wouldn’t do anything bad while they were away. You smiled wickedly and turn to the head butler of your home, Henry, your most trusted servant.

“Look at them,” You said, “Everyone is going to have such a good time. You were sure to lock all the doors again, right?”

The stern and tall man looked at you and nodded his head. His hair was black and gray and slicked back, “Yes, madam,” He held his hands tightly behind his own back, “No one will be able to get into any rooms besides this one and outside,”

“Thank you, Henry,” You kept your eyes on your guest, peering at them, looking amongst them for anyone who stood out. To often did unwanted maggots worm their way into your home. You personally knew just about everyone you had invited. There could be no more than 60 people here, maybe 70. You took a slow sip from your glass of wine, the lowered it from your lips, “Henry,” Your butler hummed in reply as he tried his best to stand like a statue, “Who is that?”

You pointed to a man, handsome and quite dangerous looking, standing by the bar. You didn’t recognize him at all. Little did he know, but Arthur was found out, his cover was blown the second you laid eyes on him. You didn’t know who he was, or where he was from, but you knew he didn’t belong here. But there was a twisted little monster in your mind and heart. You wanted to mess with this man’s head, maybe play a few mind games before booting him out of your very private party.

“I’m not sure, madam, would you like me to remove him?” Henry asked in a monotone voice that honestly comforted you.

“No,” You held out your wine glass and he quickly took it, “I will take care of this pest,” As you started to walk, you had to lift the front end of your dark and simple dress. You weren’t like your guests, you enjoyed wearing simple clothes with as little decorative parts as possible. But your black and white dress was still high class and quite elegant in a gothic way.

Everyone moved out of the way for you as you surfed through the loosely packed crowd. No one wanted to cross your path, and the mystery man didn’t even see you coming. He was leaning on the bar when you got there, and you took your spot beside him. Up close he was much more rough and handsome. He did fit that suit well, though you honestly thought it made him look out of place. 

Arthur nearly jumped out of his skin when your silky voice reached his ears, saying, “Hello there.” Wasn’t it his job to find you? Surely it was, but he already failed that. 

Your smile was infectious and pretty and Arthur found himself startled and at a loss for words. He cleared his throat then horribly drawled out, “Howdy,”

“Oh~” Your mouth made a perfect little ‘O’ and your eyes sparkled with interest, “A cowboy? In my home? More likely than you’d think,” He could hear the seduction dripping from each word. Was his cover blown? Or was he just that bad at playing the part? He knew Hosea and Dutch should have come, he knew they should be the ones doing this… acting. He really was to dumb to pull this off on his own.

However, maybe it was the wine, no… it had to be the wine he was drinking because he found himself leaning towards you slightly. There was no denying that you were very attractive, and Arthur was young, he hadn’t even reached 25 yet, though he was shy a year at 24. He hadn’t found himself this attracted to a person since Mary Linton left him for.. for whatever the fuck that loser was last year. His heart went cold, bitter and ugly. Though this attraction had little to do with his heart.

Arthur slid his glass of wine closer to him, “I’m not a cowboy,” He said, “I’m just another rich man’s son, miss,” He at least tried his best to cover his true identity. 

You waved your bartender over and whispered something in his ear while you kept your colorful eyes locked on Arthur. The bartender left, then returned with a bottle of whiskey and two shot glasses, “Surely, maybe, perhaps you are,” You took the bottle and popped it open, pouring the brown liquor into the small glass cups, “I would doubt that, but, whatever you say, mister. Would you drink with me? It’d be rude to turn down your host,” You eyed him a way that got Arthur’s blood pumping. You were slowly mesmerizing him. What was it with woman and him? Was he just weak? Or did they love playing with him like a toy?

“Sure,” Arthur’s accent was heavy and liked it. He was a different flavor than you normally used to. You were the cute age of only 19, unmarried, and a mistress of the night. You were an intoxicating creature with features that showed off your body.

You took down your shot of whiskey like a champ, then leaned on the bar and  batted your pretty little eyelashes, “You know, I know everyone here by name, so it doesn’t add up why I don’t know you, or your name.” Ah… So maybe that’s why Arthur’s cover was blown. This was an exclusive party, and the man he killed to get the invitation wasn’t him, obviously, “So will you tell me what they call you, mister?”

“Morgan,” He took down his own shot of whiskey. The warm familiar burn was more soothing than the wine, “Arthur Morgan,” He wasn’t much for words, was he? That only made him more handsome and stoic.

You held your hand out to him, he took it and gave you the most delicate shake, as if he could break you, “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Morgan. I am (Y/N) (L/N). I’m sure you already know that,”

“No,” What? “Actually, I don’t.” This surprised you a bit. You took your hand from him and trailed your fingers across the whiskey bottle. You poured some more for yourself and him.

“Really now? Then do tell me, why are you here? I don’t think I invited you, Mr. Morgan. Though, looking at you, I’m a little glad you came.” 

Arthur had to do his best to keep his eyes off you, so he stared down at his shot of whiskey, “Honestly?” He paused and took down the shot, “I came here to rob you, guess I can’t do that now.”

His honesty and straightforwardness caused you to laugh and laugh a lot. Listening to the chimes of your low giggle made him stare at you. You did this little thing, covering your mouth as you laughed, “Oh my! You’re so funny Mr. Morgan,” You lightly touched his arm, “I almost didn’t believe you!” You were something else, something that kept inching her way closer and closer to him.

A little taken back, and dumbfounded, Arthur deadpanned, “You’re not mad?”

Oh, he was so cute, a little dumb, but that made him cuter, “Oh so many people try to rob me every day, Mr. Morgan, you are not the first. I don’t think you’ve robbed me yet, so I have no reason to kill you, right?”

How did you make a threat so… sexy? Was it the way you looked at him with those dark eyes? Was it the little smile at the corner of your lips? Was it the way you curled your hair around your finger? Or was it how close you had gotten to him in the last four minutes of talking? You were so close he could smell the lilacs and lavenders you used to perfume yourself with.

Despite all this, Arthur didn’t move away, in fact, he leaned a little closer, “I don’t think you can kill me. I’m kind of bastard that just won’t die.” 

He made you laugh again. Or were you just laughing to inflate his ego? Was anything he said really even that funny or were you just this easily amused?

“Oh, Mr. Morgan,” The giggle carried between your words, “Oh, my, you are funny, aren’t you? All somber and depressed like that, wishing for what sounds like death. Oh, how I’m so glad you crashed my party. I haven’t had a laugh like that since Daddy had a heart attack!” 

What? Arthur raised a brow, you were a very odd creature, “Why would you laugh at that?”

“Because I gave it to him!” You laughed, “Daddy caught me with a criminal in my big bed upstairs,” You placed your hand on Arthur’s arm once again, this time keeping it there, “I do have such an infliction for the bad and ugly, as they call themselves,”

Your intentions were very obvious at this point, even Arthur could pick up on that. Maybe he wasn’t that stupid. Arthur faintly remembered the reason why he was here. To rob you of any money he could find, or information. Mostly the information part. The cogs in his head started turning and he thought how… well. This was a way of getting information. Sort of.

He leaned towards you, your hand moved to the corner of his chest and your arms touched, “What makes you think I’m bad? Or ugly?” His voice was low and raspy, like the engine of a train struggling to pick up speed. Your heart shot out a huge wave of lighting into the very depths of your body when he spoke like that.

It had been a long time since someone sparked your interests like this. He was no keeper, he was no amount of husband material, but he was made 100% out of a good time. That was for sure. You kept your cool, got even closer and whispered, “You’re more handsome than any man in here, but why don’t you show me how good of a time you are? I’ll even pay you, like the hookers in the streets, if that’s what you want.”

Pay him? Hm. Never before has Arthur been in a position to prostitute himself. But maybe he could get you to pay him in information, or even better some gold. Your family did own the most profitable and largest gold mine in all of California. What reason did he have to say no? Honor? Pride? Dignity? No. He didn’t have any of that.

“Which way to your room?” He quietly asked. His words made that dangerous little smile return. You did this thing were you pressed your lips together into a little line and bit at them. Dammit… Arthur could feel the rush of lust and desire wave over him.

You grabbed the whiskey bottle in your hand then without warning grabbed Arthur’s hand in yours, “Follow me, Mr. Morgan,” The low tone of your voice sent a shock through his body. You lead in through the crowd, some people stared but the most of them were to busy doing various amounts of drugs to pay attention. Classy and high society wasn’t much different than saloon full of drunks. 

While Arthur followed close behind you up the grand stair cause of your castle home, you were giddy to finally start your night, and your own personal party of pleasure, as was the goal of every party you hosted when your parents were away. You were surprised you weren't pregnant by now. Maybe you were infertile? Or maybe it was because half of your other lovers were women, or maybe because these parties were very Greek in nature, and you took on many lovers at once. But Arthur Morgan was something else, a treat to experience all alone, and you could not wait to get started on that.

[joshslater]

Libertine

This is a collaboration with idesofrevolution, reimagining one of his earlier stories, again allowing me to explore ideas I haven’t worked with before.

You were getting seriously pissed off. The drunk and high punk douchebag had been obnoxious from the start, but he had remained on his side of the van. Regrettably his sickly stink of stale weed and armpits had not. Your strategy of ignoring him had paid off so far, but now he was apparently bored of making rude noises and gestures from his seat, and was inching towards you, making faces and taunts. He was pulling his lips from side to side, sticking out his pierced tongue and generally trying to get a reaction mere inches from your face. The smokey timbre of his breath, and the sickly sweet stench of stale marijuana filled your nose. He could go to hell. But you don't want to rock the boat while in it, and this is the first solid lead you've had since your friend disappeared. You turn to the little shit and gently shove him back in his seat.

"Stop it."

The punk, in his inebriated stupor laughs, swivels his back against the side of the van and rests one of his feet in your lap. His filthy, reeking feet inside his ratty socks in his trashed Vans sneakers. Don't rock the boat, you think. You're just happy the driver manage to ignore the hijinks in the back.

"When am I gonna see Travis?" "You’ll see him... He wants to see you too."

He winks and wiggles his foot in the well-worn yellow and blue checkerboard slip on, the formerly white socks playing peekaboo in their many frayed holes. The odor was intoxicating, not unlike vinegar with a hint of cheese, marshland and rubber. He starts to rub his shoe against your groin. You don't know what you hate the most. The constant antics from this attention seeking moron, or that you start getting an erection.

But you have to focus. Travis is the priority. These fucks are probably the ones that took him, and you gotta bring him back. You owe him that. You turn your face away and look out the window at the trees and bayouland flying past. This little hideout was way outside of town. You press the button to lower the window and get some fresh air. Nothing happens.

You resign yourself to the situation, as he finally appears to have calmed down. Don't. Rock. The. Boat. As you are getting light headed from the smell, and getting your growing bulge massaged by a skate shoe, you stare out the window and zone out. The greenery becomes a blur. You are unsure how much time actually has gone by when he, clearly excited, shifts and sits straight in his seat.

"Awwwwww yess! We’re here!"

The van pulls up to a rusted old chain link fence, with overgrown vines covering the old barbed wire. An open gate welcomes the van onto the dirt road, past old construction equipment, now enveloped by the rising bayou. In the distance, the outline of an old warehouse gets clearer. The sunlight shines onto the old brick facade, windows shattered and the metal roof nearly caving in from decades of neglect. Around the perimeter of the grounds, marijuana plants flourish. As the van comes to a stop, the punk reaches over you to open the door, not passing up a final opportunity to get in your face with his stinking body.

The sweltering Louisiana heat hits you like a freight train as you exit the raggedy old van. Never before have you been so happy to fill your lungs with the smell of stale marsh water. While the driver backs out the van, your annoying guide, already ahead, beckons you to follow him.

"Heel! Come on, puppy!"

He can still go to hell. You hasten to walk up along side of him. As you get there he tosses his sweat-sticky arm around you.

"Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?"

You reach the door, and he knocks in a strange pattern before the door opens and a familiar, yet off-sounding voice slithers out of the hazy interior.

"Sup muthafuckahs?"

It’s Travis. Or perhaps rather a strange caricature of Travis. The Travis you knew was your timid, boy-next-door best friend of ten years. He was there when your parents divorced. He was the shoulder to cry on when you broke up with your boyfriend. He was a quiet, good-natured kid who was always the sweetest guy. This… This delinquent was not Travis. His tattoos and gauged ears, buzzed faded haircut, silver chain, bulging muscles, and ripe, unwashed stink. Travis would never let himself look like this, or be seen like this. And yet, here he was, standing in front of you with some snide smirk and and soul-piercing gaze. You grab him by the shoulder, pulling him to the side, slapping a half-smoked joint from his veiny hands.

“Travis. What the fuck did they do to you? Did the drug you?”

He smirks, picks up the joint from the dirty floor, and brings it to his lips. He takes a slow, deep drag of the weed, never once breaking eye contact with you. He blows the smoke in your face defiantly, and brushes past you, making sure your shoulders connect.

“Sup Ash?”

Travis walks over to the punk who borderline kidnapped you, grabbing a handful of his perky ass before bringing him in for a sloppy, tongue-heavy makeout. You never knew Travis was gay, and a part of you was happy to see him finally embracing his sexuality, but it stings that he didn’t confide in you. But also, as he and Ash groped and bit and licked each other, you were certain that something was really wrong. You had never seen Travis this viscerally pleasured before, and you two learnt to masturbate together. And how had he managed to get all the tattoos and piercings, and get so ripped in less than 24 hours, or 30, or whatever the fuck the time was? What was going on? Travis pulled away from Ash, rubbing the moist front of his black jeans. “Fuck me later, babe. Why don’t you take my friend to see Sage?” Your best friend smacked his ass before walking over to you, blowing you a kiss as he walked past.

“C’mon babe, you’re going this way.” You should be terrified that Travis had gone behind you and locked the heavy metal door, but somehow you feel compelled to follow Ash into the haze of the dimly lit warehouse.

As the three of you walk toward the back door, you pass the various living spaces of the warehouse’s occupants. All tattooed. All pierced. All muscled. Most of them fucking. Moans and slapping sounds are coming from all around you. You find the origin of the heavy fog in several lounging guys passing bong after bong of different colored weed, the black liquid being distinctly different from typical bongwater.

Ash leads you up a flight of stairs, with Travis trailing behind. From the landing, your perspective sees the entire warehouse’s debauchery. Sweaty, nasty sex; dirty, rank clothes; questionable bongs; and old pizza boxes. These guys truly lived here, and clearly did little else. This vantage point quickly changes, as you turn to the opening of a cracked, frosted glass door. You feel a gentle shove on your shoulders from Travis as you stumble into the room. The door slams behind you.

The room was lit with red tint, and a few dim Edison bulbs likely original to the building. Whatever used to adorn the walls and ceilings had been stripped to the brick and mortar, exposing the pipes and beams above. The room was furnished much more heavily than the rest of the warehouse, with bookshelves, shiny leather sofas, a desk, and clothes strewn across the floor.

“I was wonderin’ if you’d show up here.”

From the corner of the room, the most stunningly sexy man you’ve ever seen saunter out of the haze. His plump lips and chiseled jawline immediately makes your heart skip a beat. He is tossing an old football into the air, catching it each time without breaking his sinister, yet wholly encompassing gaze.

You stutter for words in Sage’s presence, as he oozes a dominant air about him. It is clear from his demeanor that he is the boss. That's not the only thing he oozes, as you feel a strong, musky scent with tones reminiscent from the van drive here. You start getting an erection again. What's happening to you? Did they do something to you? How? You end up not saying anything, just standing with your mouth open.

“You know who we are? Who I am?” he asks as he toss the ball into a sofa. You're still tongue tied in his presence, but eventually blurt out what he was prodding to hear.

“You’re the Libertines. That cult-like gang that sells weed all across the city.” Sage smirks and leans against the bookshelf, crossing his arms and ankles. He gestures for you to spill more. “And you’re Sage Ravenswyck. You run the whole thing.” He bows, bastardizing the gentlemanly gesture to his ominous wit. Sage Ravenswyck, touted as the single most dangerous pot lord in the country. You don't say that part out loud.

“And you came to take Travis away from us, right?” You feel a chill down your spine. That's why you came here, but you can't say that. You don't even believe that to be true anymore. His silky, menacing, seductive tone prevents any speech from escaping your mouth. Sage steps forward, only a step away from you. “He’s not going anywhere, man. And neither are you.”

He pauses for a moment, his eyes seemingly piercing your soul, and studies you carefully. Then he grabs you by the jaw, pulling you into a slobbering, tongue-infested kiss, just like Ash and Travis shared. His mouth tastes like marijuana ash, cigarettes, and some indescribably savory flavor. You are not permitting the kiss under the threat of violence. The threat is there, for sure, but you are actively participating. You want nothing more than to stay connected to those plump, inviting lips. You are totally confused as to why.

He breaks the kiss, takes a step back and flatly states "I like you. Strip."

You want nothing more than to obey. As you begin to remove article after article of clothing, you see that Sage does the same, revealing more and more of his tattoos. Old voodoo signs and talismans permanently adhered to his sweaty skin. Motifs that seemingly come to life in the Edison light. You feel the heat radiating from the metal ceiling hitting your already sweaty skin, but it is the smell of his sweat that fills room. The same sour, salty musk that wafted from Ash and Travis, but stronger and more potent. You can still taste him in your mouth. Your jaw is lax and your are salivating as if you were about to vomit, but you don't feel nauseous.

You are both standing naked on a carpet of unwashed clothes, looking at each other. He's the most handsome man you've ever been naked with in a room. While you may feel sweaty, Sage is soaked. Gleaming in the light as if he'd been oiled up. His lithe body with defined, tight muscles accentuates it even more, as the light creates reflections and shadows on his pecs, abs and cock. He is flaccid, but you are sporting an almost painful erection. Five minutes ago you were rescuing Travis. How did you end up here?

"Time for initiation, cunt" Sage says, as he takes hold of your shoulders and pushes you to your knees. You’re eye level to his large, sweaty cock and balls, salivating more than ever in your life.

To your surprise he brings his sweaty, pungent right foot to your lips. Expecting to worship his enticing feet, you open your mouth, preparing to lick his soles. But as he brings it down into your gaping maw, you realize just how much you have misjudged your situation.

His entire rancid foot slips into your mouth, your tongue tasting every ounce of built up sweat and funk. He forces it down your throat, squeezing everything else within your neck, pushing your skin taut from the inside. It doesn't hurt nearly as much as it ought to and you have a flickering thought that this isn't possible, but his relentless pushing further and further down overpowers your with sensations. Sensations you have never felt before, mixed in with taste and smell of Sage and the most overpowering sense of lust you've ever felt.

He holds your head, locking eyes with you, as your face is getting closer and closer to his groin. His foot is rearranging your insides like a spoon through grits, and you can feel the foot turning, pointing forward. Further and further down, until it slips into your cock, finding a resting place. All you can think of, is him and getting him deeper in of you.

He moves his hands to the front of your head, prying open your mouth even further to accommodate his second foot. It slides down faster than the first one, and further. You can feel it continue down your hip towards your knee. He wiggles free his first foot from within your cock and moves it down your other leg.

His cock and balls are now practically resting on your face. He smiles a wry smile, inserts his finger under the foreskin of his uncut cock and then smears a line across your forehead. Then he pries your mouth open even further and slips into you, like a pair of low riding compression trunks, with your tongue resting in his ass crack and your nose in his pubic hair. You take deep breaths through your nose, and the smell of well stewed cock and balls fills your brain. You desperately want to touch him, but your body doesn’t obey you anymore.

He slips further down, and starts to rotate around, to face the other direction. He grabs your mouth and starts climbing into you, pulling you over him, like someone stepping into a hooded overall. You feel your body moves to standing up, unable to control it yourself, and your feet and legs and toes being filled with his, stretching your skin. There is a tingling sensation, like when a limb has gone to sleep and wakes up, as he settles within you. He pulls the rest of the body up, his six-pack subtly rippling across the front of your body, until it settles where it should.  When he is almost neck deep into you he slips his arms into your arms as if you were a rubber suit, and into your hands as if there were rubber gloves. It feels like a warmth spreading out into your body and limbs.

Finally he stretches your mouth over his head, and snap into place like a condom. You are filled with him, completely engorged, and yet to all outside eyes, some transformed version of yourself. He adjusts his head inside of yours, stretching your face to cover his, like a Halloween mask. Then he carefully stretches and flexes every limb and muscle in your body. You hear pops and feel grittiness smoothing out. You can't hear his thoughts, but you are filled with a feeling of excitement, joy and lust. If these are shared feelings or just your own you don't know.

Suddenly you fall forward, face first into the floor, and only at the last moment does he break the fall by putting out his arms into a push up stance and starts doing push ups. Your body feels stronger than it ever have, but at the same time you have no control over it. It makes you scared and excited at the same time. The total loss of control makes you hornier than you’ve ever been in your life, but there is nothing you can do about it.

After a good 20 or so push ups he transitions into doing burpees. If you were sweaty before, this opens the faucet, soaking you in sweat. 50 burpees or so later he stops and just stands on top of the pile of your combined dirty cloths, panting heavily and dripping sweat. "Ok, let's get you up to dress code" he says with your voice. Your cock, hard as ever, is leaking pre-cum like bad plumbing. He takes some on his fingers and start rubbing your sweaty biceps, often going back for more. It stings. To your amazement color starts appearing on your arm, until a tattoo emerges. Then another one. Within minutes your have as many tattoos as Travis.

Sage then grips the shaft of your slippery cock and begins to stroke it. If you could, you would moan like a pornhub slut, but instead you are caged inside your own body, just following along for the ride. Despite being hornier than ever before in your life, Sage manages to keep you on edge longer than you thought possible. It's like he knows your body better than yourself. Stroking you in ways you have never felt before. Stroking both of you, together. Then he lifts your left arm and inhales deeply from the arm pit. It doesn't smell like you, nor like Sage, but something in between. Your body can't take it any more and you erupt with more cum than ever before. Then everything goes black.

You wake up on a pile of cardboard boxes, still naked, still sweaty. You reek of marshland, sex and skater socks. Two guys you don't know are 69:ing a few feet away. Was Sage really climbing inside you, or was that just an erotic acid trip? But how else could you explain what has happened to you? Sage is no longer inside of you, but he left plenty of himself. While your tattoos are different than his, your body resembles him. You can taste him in your mouth. You wonder if Sage would let you go, if you asked him. He probably would. But what is out there that is better than in here? You wish to be worn more. To be molded by him, like a well worn sneaker. Until then there is a threesome waiting to happen a few feet away.

[ayearofpike]

Witch World/Red Queen

Witch World

Simon Pulse, 2012 521 pages, 24 chapters + epilogue ISBN 978-1-4424-3028-0 LOC: PZ7.P626 Wi 2012 OCLC: 924501501 Released November 13, 2012 (per B&N)

(HELL YES I DID take this picture in Vegas. Way back in November, underscoring just how behind this entry is.)

Red Queen

Simon Pulse, 2014 ISBN 978-1-4424-3029-7 LOC: PZ7.P626 Rd 2014 OCLC: 1030042441 Released August 19, 2014 (per B&N)

First I have to address the immediate question: It’s the exact same book. Like, down to pagination. (Yes, I read them both. We’ve already established I’m kind of a freak.) I don’t know why it has two different sets of catalog information. I don’t know why they changed the title, but I will hazard a guess that Witch World is a shitty title and it took slow or lacking sales for S&S to convince Pike/Pike to convince S&S to change it. I don’t know why they then picked a title that would be coming out shortly from another publisher, one that would go on to create a much more robust universe and move enough units to muddy any kind of search query. I don’t even really know why I bought them both. I don’t know a lot of things, and I’m not quite masochist enough to find out.

What I do know? This book is more of the same old shit. Like, OK, most people aren’t going to read all 95 of Christopher Pike’s books right on top of each other, so the connections and relationships might slide. But if you do, you start to see that this dude actually has no new or original ideas after ... let’s generously call it 1996. The beautiful girl in the California town in the middle of nowhere who goes on a weekend party outing with her friends, but then meets a dude with mysterious powers and ends up in a fatal situation, only to realize that she’s survived death and now has strength and vision beyond her prior ability or even imagination? A vision that taps her into an alternate parallel universe, where she’s had a child who has the potential to be the most powerful human ever, only evil forces know about this child’s genetics and want to use her for their own selfish and horrific ends? This is The Grave, gang. Well, mostly The Grave, with some Sita and Alosha and, yes, even Spooksville sprinkled in for flavor. But the point is, we’ve seen all of it already.

Pike has previously said that he felt rushed toward the end of his previous S&S days, and that he didn’t put everything he had into the stories he wrote because of being pulled in multiple directions. That’s fair, and it makes sense that he’d want to come back to something he felt wasn’t as good as it could be, something that didn’t get enough care and attention, and make it better. So it’s a little frustrating that this is what we get. Don’t get me wrong, it’s got a lot of potential, but then again, so did The Grave. I can’t help but feel like Pike is still just trying to figure out what has sold, what has been attractive to people who read his books and others like them, and is retreading so much old ground that it’s starting to become flat and uninteresting. (Which might be part of my reticence to finish this project.)

One thing that’s new and notable about WW/RQ: it marks the placement of Pike’s first YA F-bomb. He’s been using “damn,” “hell,” and “bitch” since the beginning, and starting with EoI (eliding maybe one or two in Whisper of Death) he began liberally (not literally, mind) dropping “shit.” But “fuck” has been sacred, hallowed ground, off limits in any but his adult novels, never mind that this is pretty much what all of his characters want to do all the time. So imagine my profound shock when I picked this book up right around its release date* and encountered the word “unfuckable” on page 18. A sign of the times, yes, and of what was becoming permissible in YA, but to someone who had grown up with Pike and expected a certain voice and stance, this felt kind of wrong and out of place. Much like my opinion of Pike in the 21st century in general.

*This was another random club store find in a rural town in southern New Mexico. I don’t know why the store where I mostly bought diapers was getting Pike in hardback on or near release when nobody else even knew these books were available, and can’t imagine I’ll ever find out.

OK, summary time. Jessie Ralle has just graduated from high school and her entire senior class is going to Las Vegas to celebrate. Said entire class is like 200 people — so not only does Pike still not get what a small town is, but he demonstrates increasing disconnect from how young people actually act. Vegas is a two-hour drive from Apple Valley, California (where Jessie’s mom relocated them after her Hollywood doctor dad bailed on them for a hot young nurse, and also where none of this takes place). I barely even wanted to drive across town to my senior party, to say nothing of paying for a hotel and a fancy dinner with a massive group that I barely know. And that was before the Internet and streaming media allowed us to prune and curate what (and who) we interact with so ruthlessly. Like, if this was a class of 40, I’d be on board, but 200?

But apparently it’s a close-knit 200 people, even though we only ever meet like six of ‘em. Jessie’s riding in a car with four others: her best friend since childhood, the uptight salutatorian, the class nerd who of course has always had a crush on Jessie, and Jimmy. Jessie has loved Jimmy from afar since the beginning of high school, and from up  close for a couple of months this past winter, but he dumped her to go back to his previous girlfriend, who graduated early and hasn’t been seen around town since. That doesn’t mean Jessie is over him — far from it, actually — so this car ride is either going to work out in her favor or be super awkward and uncomfortable.

They get a three-bedroom suite at the MGM Grand for $150 over a weekend somehow. It is all I can do to suspend my disbelief. Like, I’ve been to Vegas (obviously; see top image). Pike obviously has too; his description of spatial mechanics is (mostly) on point, which is what makes this price thing so jarring. I’ve been responsible for booking hotel rooms there off and on for the last 20 years. And the one time we ever got a suite, it was almost twice that PER NIGHT and still only had one bedroom. (We split it six ways, and we all HAD jobs.) And this was in the beat-ass old Luxor in September 2006. Ain’t no way these fucking CHILDREN managed a SUITE in a PREMIER CENTER STRIP HOTEL SIX YEARS LATER FOR LESS. And Jessie has the gall to fucking COMPLAIN ABOUT THE COST.

I MUST STOP YELLING. I am so a dad, right?

But anyway, Jimmy doesn’t have a room — he wasn’t even sure he was coming on this trip. Jessie’s best friend offers for him to stay with them, which Uptight Salutatorian bitches about, but like, chill the fuck out, there’s a couch, right? He and Jessie have to talk about whether this is OK, and it turns out he left her because his ex was pregnant, but the baby died just after he was born. And Jessie isn’t OK. They’d been together long enough that this smacks of either an excuse or a manipulation, and she doesn’t like either option. She kicks him out and cries a lot, and then the gang all goes to dinner at the Bellagio, which is where this starts to get financially realistic when half the class balks at the cost of the meal and fucking bails. Yet the restaurant serves the rest, even giving these (again) CHILDREN bottles of wine, which messes Jessie up enough to kiss Nerd Crush. In front of Uptight Salutatorian, who (it turns out) likes HIM. So everyone gets pissed off at each other and takes off, and then Jessie and Best Friend go see O (the Cirque show inside the Bellagio). 

It’s page 35, by the way. Almost 500 to go yet. At least from here the story gets more focused and straightforward.

After the show, they want to gamble. CHILDREN. But they have fake IDs, so they head down to the Tropicana, an older hotel with lower minimums on blackjack, where they bump into a dude who seems strangely familiar to Jessie, even though she’s sure she never met him before. This dude is in town for a medical conference ... Jessie will later learn about his genome-scanning technology and what it implies for people like her, but she’s gonna have to figure it out first. He has an uncanny ability to win, and people start asking him for advice, but he denies them all. Except Jessie. They quickly pile up hundreds of thousands of dollars, which is where she’s hosed because they’ll never let her cash out that much with a fake ID. So the dude gives her his room key (not at this old-ass dirtball hotel, at the Mandalay Bay across the street) and says he’ll get her money and bring it up in a minute, and she should order some dessert from room service while she’s waiting.

No, they don’t fuck. They almost do, but then Jessie remembers Jimmy and realizes she’s still hung up on him, even though he wronged her and left her hanging. But she learns that the dude will cop to some unnatural method of knowing what’s coming next in the deck, which is why he managed to bet properly at the right times. He doesn’t show her, but he does teach her how to play twenty-two. Not twenty-one, which is blackjack: in twenty-two, aces are only worth one, but red queens are eleven. And if you get a natural twenty-two (queen of hearts and queen of diamonds), you win instantly, PLUS your opponent HAS to try to win their bet back in full on the next hand. The dude doesn’t state why these are the strict rules, but he does imply that a portion of the winnings goes to some mysterious party that doesn’t come clear yet.

So Jessie goes back to the hotel, where Jimmy is sitting on the floor outside. He’s been sexiled from the nerd’s room, because it turns out he was OK going after Uptight Salutatorian (who I guess isn’t so uptight after all). And he’s crying and he’s apologetic, and this coupled with Jessie’s realization in Mystery Gambler’s room is all it takes for her to accept him back. They have breakfast with everyone the next day (room service, more invisible money spent) and then Jessie and Jimmy drive out to Lake Mead to splash and swim and sex. But what’s weird is that it reminds them both of the first time ... which neither of them remembers the same way. Even more awkward is the ex showing up with a warning: “They never take just one, Jessie. They always take both.” (102)

This doesn’t make any sense, right? Well, Mystery Gambler has planted a seed that things might get confusing pretty quick, and invited Jessie to talk to him about it. So she hops in a cab back to his hotel, except the cab takes her out to a creepy industrial area instead. When it finally stops at a stop sign, she bolts, only she doesn’t know where she is now. Luckily, a beautiful woman in a red Porsche pulls up at that exact moment and offers to give her a ride. Which ... aren’t you even the slightest bit concerned that a strange car brought you out here and now another strange car has just pulled up right when you needed it? Obviously not, which is what leads to her getting tased and waking up in a meat freezer, where the safety ax is of course missing. She wrestles with the door and some meat-hanging apparatus for a while, but can’t get it open and ends up spraining her ankle in the process. And even though it’s dangerous to sit, to slow down, to stop moving in this freezer, Jessie can’t help herself.

She wakes up in a hospital. Only this room doesn’t look or feel like a typical hospital room. Plus, she can’t move. She can’t even blink. She’s briefly relieved when two doctors come in, but that goes away when she realizes they’re here to perform the autopsy. The senior doctor gets called out, which is all the other guy needs to start satiating his necrophilia all over Jessie’s corpse. He’s pretty shocked when Jessie suddenly sits bolt upright and curses him out — enough that he has himself a nice little heart attack right there in the morgue. The other doctor comes back, and she seems to know what happened, and is also weirdly thrilled by the guy’s obvious pain? But she leaves without taking any action, and Jessie sees this as her chance to get out of Dodge.

The hospital is downtown, which is a long way from the MGM Grand but at least it’s an obvious straight shot on Las Vegas Boulevard. Only Jessie doesn’t recognize some of these north-end casinos. She goes inside one to get her bearings and is quickly accosted by three punks, who she casually injures like it’s no thing. What’s even stranger is how quickly they back off and the degree of respect they suddenly accord her. And even stranger than that is that the blackjack tables don’t say “blackjack.”

You guessed it. People in Las Vegas are playing red queen.

So now she has to talk to Mystery Gambler more than ever. She walks all the way to the Mandalay Bay, because fuck a taxi anymore, right? Only it’s called the Mandy, and his room on the top floor is now one floor lower than it used to be. But as it turns out, he does have some answers. He first tells Jessie the truth of why he's in Vegas: his whole medical conference story is just a front. There is some basis in reality, in that his group has identified certain genes that, when awakened, enable essentially superpowers. His genetic sensor identified that Jessie has seven of these genes — but he already knew that. He seems to know a creepy amount for some rando she just met. And also, he keeps calling her Jessica, and she realizes she's using a longer version of his name too, reflexively, even though he never called himself that in their interactions.

This, plus the hotels and the casino game and the fact that, y'know, she woke up on a fucking MORGUE TABLE a few hours ago help Jessie to realize the truth of her situation. With a little guided meditation, which helps her to remember things that never actually happened to her, she learns that there are two simultaneous dimensions happening on Earth, we live two lives in parallel, and the extra genes (when activated) allow people to experience both. These people, historically, are who we think of as witches, so for lack of a better term this second dimension is colloquially called witch world. Like, super lazy writing, right? I guess Pike blew his load inventing names for shit in Alosha and couldn't be arsed to consider that maybe twelve thousand years of connected humans might have named something themselves. (Yeah, I said twelve thousand years. Back at it again with the same timeline.)

But one of those things Jessie remembered is having a baby. This is where her father (remember, the dude who bailed on Jessie and her mom) suddenly shows up. We learn that he left (in the “real” world, not in witch world where he’s still present in her life) because he realized the importance of Jessie and her fate, and hoped that his absence would protect both her and the baby to come. (He has the "seeing-the-future" gene, I guess?) According to Dad, this baby is potentially the most important person in the history of both worlds, because she's the only one to have ever been born with all ten extra genes. It's also a weird connection, because this is the only occasion that anybody knows of where a child has been born to different parents in the two worlds. (The kid is an entirely different person because of that, so that's weird too.) But, just like the boyfriend's ex-girlfriend warned, "they" have taken both. 

"They" turn out to be a cadre of witches who want to use their powers to elevate themselves rather than ... well, it's never really made super clear what the "good" witches do. Like ... hang out and be immortal? Oh yeah, I didn't mention that once you're awakened you can't die of natural causes. I guess the dad says that sometimes they'll interfere when shit is really going sideways, but for the most part they want regular humans to regulate their own affairs. It's the Telar again! Only, no, wait, they call themselves the "Tar" in this book so it's obviously totally different. And yeah, both babies have been taken; they let the boyfriend think his son died in infancy so that he'd eventually be a lever to manipulate Jessie when he realized he had two living children. But it sounds like the daughter is already causing trouble for her kidnappers, without even being aware of her ten genes, which ... 

I don't know, it doesn't make any sense now that I'm writing about it. Like, I'm cool with the parallel dimensions, I'm on board with dying to become awakened, I'm down with extra powers and whatever. I'm even mostly OK with this story reusing so many assets from all these past books. But like ... how does the baby have some (even unconscious) control of her locked genetic powers when her counterpart in the real world is not only still alive, but had a different MOTHER and is therefore a totally different PERSON? The first chapter of the sequel (all I’ve read of it so far) doesn’t make it look promising that we’re ever gonna find out, so just keep suspending the shit out of that disbelief, I guess.

But anyway, now that Jessie’s connected, she’s hell-bent on rescuing her baby. Which I think she would have done even if she were still separated, but whatever. And I know, easy to think that not actually having a memory of the baby might make it difficult, but these memories are slowly bubbling up and emerging, especially strong ones like parenthood and family. She’s been warned against contacting Jimmy (or “James,” I guess) in witch world, but she doesn’t hesitate to tell him all the crazy shit that’s happened to her in the real world.

(This is another reason I have a problem with the lazy naming conventions on display. To witches, “witch world” is the most real. Each day takes place first there in their perceptions, followed by the same day in the “real world.” We’ll also see how events in witch world have a stronger effect on events in the real world; namely, if you die in witch world you pretty much always die in the real but the inverse is not true. So, once again, why wouldn’t witches have come up with some more appropriate naming patterns at least, given how old the oldest is? Just more lazy crap we gotta swallow.)

So anyway, Jimmy doesn’t believe her; he thinks someone drugged Jessie with a hallucinogenic and now she’s having altered state memories. So she gets out of the car they’re driving to the desert and picks it up to prove her new strength. Why are they driving in the desert? For some reason, Jessie is drawn to the power associated with the nuclear tests that the government ran in the barren nowhere that is most of Nevada. There’s gotta be a reason, after all, that the centers of witch power are here. So they bust into the deserted testing ground, only to discover it’s not that deserted — there’s a kid out there apparently living by himself. He takes to Jimmy immediately and agrees to come back to the city with them, where they’re going to talk more to Jessie’s dad.

The kid can’t speak, but he can write — with a prehensile tail that he has heretofore hidden by wrapping it around his waist. He tells them about the other freaks that live out in the nuked test cities, as well as the mean man who brings him food. The rationale isn’t clear, and the kid isn’t talking ... well ... you know what I mean. But this is where Jimmy finds out his son is still alive and being used as bait. And dude fucking TAKES it: as soon as his ex calls and wants to discuss what she might know about the children, not only does he refuse to step back and let the powerful people handle the rescue, but he actually wants to go through the death process in order to awaken his awareness of both sides.. They don’t let him do that, because apparently our good guys are not allowed to actively connect more witches, except when they are. So all they can do is talk to the ex and learn that she doesn’t care who she sells out to as long as it saves her son, which ... fair. But Jimmy isn’t willing to go that far, and they head back to her dad’s house to regroup, where they realize they’re being watched.

Or they were, I guess. There’s a car with two obvious spies in it, but they’re dead, and the killer is hanging out nearby. This dude is, we learn, second-in-command of the Tar leadership, a five-thousand-year-old Celt who wants to take a more proactive approach in encouraging good and deterring evil in both humans and witches, mostly with his sword. He’s a Highlander, is what I’m trying to say. He takes Jessie out to a sacred spring in the mountains, where they swim naked together, as you do when you first meet an ancient Celtic swordsman, right? But there’s some cliff writing out here, written by the ancient people in a script the Highlander knows, having been taught it by the man who turned him so many years ago. It describes a woman who will have such power that she controls the destiny of the world, and it’s essentially Jessie’s daughter. So like ... tell me something I don’t know, right? What’s more new and unusual is the Highlander’s description of red queen, how it was taught to him and spread throughout ancient Rome, and how a certain percentage of all winnings, no matter who takes it, has to ultimately return to his benefactor, who we’ll call the Alchemist because that’s what Pike calls him.

We’re going to have to wait on more description, because the Highlander takes Jessie home and we skip-cut forward to the next night in witch world, where she’s meeting the leadership council and discussing their intents to rescue the baby. Mystery Gambler is there too; he's going to act as Jessie's liaison to the bad guys, having served as a double agent since the Civil War. This scene seems like it might be superfluous, except that you mostly only retain the memories from the dimension in which you die, and so the council knows that Jessie needs some backstory.  (Don't we all.) The main thing we get out of this is that they've kind of figured out that WANTING to activate their witch genes has a high correlation with witches going bad at all, especially when they try to engineer the birth of high-number witches. So Jessie's contact with Jimmy was carefully arranged so as to appear NOT engineered, because even though the future sight told them that these two were compatible and would fall in love and make a power baby, any appearance of forcing it could make things all fucked up.

So Jessie's entire life is a sham, manipulated by sources of power she was never supposed to see, one of those being her own goddamn father.

What next? Well, on to the other purpose of this meeting: prep for said meeting with the bad guys. The council expects that they're going to offer Jessie her baby back, as long as both of them live under bad-guy control, and they want her to string them along while they figure out what to do. Great fuckin' plan, guys. You've been trying to make a power baby for how many thousand years, and you didn't have a contingency plan if it got kidnapped?

But so Jessie and Mystery Gambler go to the next meeting, and this is starting to sound like work. As it turns out, the leader of the bad guys is (plot twist that surprises nobody!) the coroner who was unfazed when Jessie sat up in the morgue. She's making this deal because the baby is difficult, and they think that if she has her mother that they'll be able to control her and her powers. They let Jessie hold her, which activates even more of those mom connections, but when they go to take her away the baby cries and creates almost a physical wall, which the big strong guard man has to fight with all his might to overcome. President Coroner has no qualms with the possibility that she might have to kill both baby and mom if they don't cooperate. In fact, she invites Jessie to die right here and now, by forcing her to fight for her life against Mystery Gambler. For Jessie, this is proving her worth and her importance in being allowed into the bad-guy circle. For Mystery Gambler, it's a step up to a higher ranking of leadership. For President Coroner, it's TV. So they have a monster sword fight ... well, Mystery Gambler has a sword; Jessie has a bamboo stick that proves its power when she somehow shoots fire out the end and totally incinerates the dude. Which is cool by the bad guys, because they already knew MG was a double agent and wanted him dead anyway. And then there's another kid ... this one with a tail ... only instead of a blunt prehensile end, this one has a stinger like a scorpion's. Guess whose kid THIS is.

Back in the real world, Jessie and Jimmy go see her dad, who confirms that there was a mysterious fire on the top floor of the Mandalay Bay the night before, with one fatality. Which ... does this even come close to matching the timeline? How could it have already happened if the day hasn't happened yet? But whatever — the important thing is that the council wants Jessie to accept the bad guys' offer and go live with the baby. The tail-boy is still here, though Jessie's dad says he's riddled with malignant tumors and can't possibly live too much longer. But they realize that if he can tap into those cross-dimensional memories, the way Jessie and Jimmy were doing when they argued about fucking all the way back ... two days ago, then maybe they can use him to triangulate the area where witch-tail-boy lives, presumably with President Coroner. He leads them to a gated community at the base of a mountain, which they figure is good intel to take back to the council even if they're not ready to investigate yet.

Jessie does want to try to find the area where she got dumped and zapped the day she was killed, for ... you know, reasons. She hears cries of pain coming out of the sewer in the general area she thinks it was, and in investigating she runs into the big mean guard from the bad guy meeting. He thinks it's been a waste of time trying to get her on their side and is just about to kill her when the Highlander shows up and unceremoniously lops off his head. He has some more info about what might be going on down here, and it has to do with his dearest and oldest love: that’s right, President Coroner. 

They met in ancient Rome, around the turn of the calendar, but every effort they made to procreate ended in tragedy. One son was killed in battle fighting the Huns, one daughter (and her children) died of the plague, and a final son (who, let it be known, they named HERME) disappeared during the US Revolutionary War. All this loss made the poor woman so bitter and angry that she naturally began striving for control, including supporting Hitler (like, literally helping him) during WWII. The Highlander thinks there's another dimension to her having gone there, though: somehow she can feed off the pain of misery and death, and is addicted to it. Also, it gives her another power of being able to confound people, which the Highlander experienced when trying to reason with her around the time of the Hiroshima nuclear explosion and again when the power baby was kidnapped. Is it helping anybody that he's holding out on the council with this info? 

So he takes Jessie back to the hotel, where she owes her best friend an explanation — only she already knows. Turns out that this dude she's been hooking up with in Vegas is a witch too, and has explained to her the ins and outs and difficulties of what's going on with Jessie, up to a point. Turns out this dude is ALSO a double agent, here supposedly on assignment from the bad guys but just about ready to turn face, at least partly because he's found himself in love with the friend. After two days. His primary power is the ability to change his appearance at will, which Jessie learns in a jarring fashion upon waking up in witch world and finding a tall hunky dude in her suite in place of this pudgy nerd. She has that gene too, he says, and helps her start down the path of disguising herself. She quickly gets good at it and then realizes: couldn't I use this power to sneak into that gated community and steal back my baby?

Obviously it's not going to be so easy as walking into the joint and walking back out with The Special, even disguised as President Coroner as she is. First of all, she doesn't even know for sure that the baby is here now, and she does know that the actual boss is in town, not here. (Lucky thing, right, when she goes through the guard shack in full makeup.) So instead she goes to Jimmy's ex-girlfriend's place. Don't ask me how she knows that THIS is an option, or that the girl is indeed even home, or that she is living there at all. There's not even really a reason to believe that she can help, or that she even KNOWS anything about the baby. But Jessie's concerned about the competition, and fairly confident that her target doesn't have the strength gene and will therefore be easy enough to overpower. It proves true in terms of tying the girl up and throwing her in the trunk of her car, but Jessie isn't counting on being lied to. The ex kicks through the backseat and forces Jessie off the road, where they have an epic Matrix battle that culminates in Jessie punching a hole in the gas tank and exploding the thing with an emergency flare. She feels a surge of pleasure while the ex-girlfriend dies, which is ... creepy? Shows some link to President Coroner? What else does it mean?

It at least means that Jessie should be prepared when she goes to talk to President Coroner tonight. She buys a handgun at a pawn shop, then meets Jimmy James in front of the Tropicana, where the big ugly bodyguard picks them up in a limo. James takes a little while to get in the car, and he doesn't sit right next to Jessie for some reason. The car takes them back to the gated community, to the biggest house, where President Coroner is waiting. Negotiations don't really go as well as could be hoped, since the boss already knows that she's not the one who kidnapped the ex in the trunk of a car. But while they're working out their threats and measuring their dicks, who should walk in but the Highlander. He's finally talked the Tar council into using brain powers to murder his dearest love, and as one person has to be present to make it work, guess who volunteered. Only the big mean bodyguard is holding the baby, and he'll rip her in half if they make a move against his boss. This is a good time for the best friend's boyfriend, the shapeshifting teacher, to appear out of thin air, grab the gun out of Jessie's waistband, and cap the bodyguard in the head. Yeah, he was sitting between them for the whole car ride, like there's not enough seats in a limo for him to stretch out somewhere else. Cockblocker.

But here's the weirdest part: President Coroner recognizes him. That's right, bitches — Herme lives! He has seen the evil his mother is doing and has finally come out of hiding to try to help put a stop to it. And James helped him because he knows what's going on in both worlds. He's experienced it, actually: after Jessie fell asleep, he killed himself (with Herme's help) so he could be fully present and help in witch world. I have more timeline problems and concerns, obviously, starting with the question of how Jimmy could possibly be here today if he hasn't yet killed himself, but that's not where the characters are right now. Right now they're concerned with stopping this ultimate evil who doesn't seem to care about murder. So Herme and his Highlander dad point blue brain lasers at President Coroner, who generates a red bubble to stop them, because everything we have to know about good and evil energy colors we learned from Star Wars.

And now Jessie finds herself inside the red bubble. She's been the most susceptible of those exposed to PC, after all, and so she might be convertible to the pain-suckers. She relives all of the memories that our dear villain has of her children dying and of how the pain could be turned into a pleasurable sensation, and it's just hypnotic enough and convincing enough that, as Jessie finds herself back in her own body, she can be persuaded to take her gun back from Herme and shoot the Highlander. He doesn't die, but he's weakened enough that President Coroner can steal his sword and stab him in the heart.

So now what? Well, it's a good thing Jimmy's here to save everybody! What would we do without a white dude who's barely aware of his powers? But he knows that together, with Jessie and the baby, they have a strength that is impossible to overcome. So they manage to paralyze our villain, but now her scorpion son shows up and wants to murder too. Only — plot twist! — he murders his mom! Turns out that when Jimmy killed himself, he also killed tail-boy in the real world, and now HE'S got good-guy memories. This is really telling about President Coroner's parenting skills that all of her living children not only think that she has to die, but show up to help DO IT.

But now all is good and we can move forward as a family, right? Totally! At least until Jessie wakes up in the real world and finds Jimmy lying beside her, still and cold and dead.

This would have been a good place to stop, right? Of course he doesn't. Two days later, Jessie and her best friend are home from Jimmy's funeral, talking about what's going on and all the implications, when suddenly there's a sound at the door — the mail box. (Does anybody still have one of these shits in 2012? Most rural neighborhoods are going to the community box.) Jessie collects the mail, among which is a red envelope containing a letter from the Alchemist (remember that dude) anticipating a future meeting and sending best wishes from ... President Coroner.

And that is the end of Witch World! Or Red Queen, whichever one you picked up. Like, are we starting to understand how Pike has so little grasp of world-building that he has ALREADY killed his main antagonist AND the potential monkey wrench in Jessie's future relationships? Doesn't he realize none of us are going to get invested in a world where you don't stay dead after you die? I mean, except zombies. But since that's not what we're talking about, I can't possibly imagine where Black Knight is going to take us. I mean, I can, because I've read the back copy, and it doesn't look remotely related. Maybe that's one more reason I've been stalling on this entry: to keep me away from the annoying-looking next one.

[creideamhgradochas]

Thanks to the lovely @abovethesmokestacks for taking the time to answer these! Get to know more about lovely Pia, go give her a follow and then show her some love!

These questions are from this list. You should check it out, there’s 50 questions all together and they’d be great to ask your favorite fic writer!

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fan-fiction?

I started back in 2008 when I was 21 years old.

2) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

I do enjoy both, but lately it's been more reader inserts. It's challenge to write a good reader insert, to make them a natural part of the setting, to make them relatable to your audience and find a way to make them click with the other characters. Because they are meant to be a character you should be able to see yourself in, it tests your ability to make the character both approachable to a wide range of readers, yet specific enough to mesh with the story. 

3) What is your favorite genre to write for?

Well, I have been called the angst queen on numerous occasions. Apparently I am a sucker for making myself and others hurt. 

4) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

Oh Jesus, probably one of the Twilight fics I wrote during the dark days of my ff.net run. I got swept up in the hype and with a few exceptions, I have no qualms about tossing those fics into a volcano. 

5) When is your preferred time to write?

When I have both inspiration, motivation and time. Sadly, sometimes that happens at night and let's just say I have sometimes sacrificed sleep in favour of a story. Generally, though, I don't have a preferred time of day.

6) Where do you take your inspiration from?

From anything and everything. Something I've seen or heard or experienced, videos I've seen, songs I've listened to.

7) In your Sweet Dreams - Assorted Flavors fic, what’s your favorite scene that you wrote?

The final scenes of Assorted Flavours is close to my heart. Same with the scene in the Easy As Pie-chapter where they discuss Bucky's metal arm.

8) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

I haven't made major amendments. Someone may have pointed out typos or missing words which I have edited, but nothing storyline-wise. 

9) Who is your favorite character to write for? Why?

I am a sucker for a lot of Seb's characters, especially Bucky and Hal. And Chris Beck. They are fun to write and there is so much that can be done and explored with them. 

10) Who is your least favorite character to write for? Why?

I wanna preface this by saying it's not so much I dislike them as I find them hard to write well. Tony and Thor hard for me to write because I can't seem to connect as easily with them as I can with other characters, and I'd hate to do these guys wrong.

11) How did you come up with the title for the Sweet Dreams - Assorted Flavors?

This is the eternal struggle with me, to come up with a good title. I knew I wanted something that alluded to reader being a baker and one my Spotify playlist shuffled to Emily Browning's rendition of Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This). For the sequel series, I wanted to continue on the same theme, and my friend Loup helped me land on Sweet Dreams - Assorted Flavours. 

12) How did you come up with the idea for Sweet Dreams - Assorted Flavours?

I am not entirely sure anymore, but it may have included a conversation about Bucky Barnes (or Seb, or both) and cupcakes, and evolved into an idea about Bucky finding a nightopen bakery during one of his nightly walks through Brooklyn (because obviously). 

13) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

I have two. One is a Twilight fic that I abandoned and deleted when I left behind my ff.net account for good. It was never going to get finished and I didn't want any WIPs on the account. I didn't delete the account, it's basically there as an archive, but yeah. Deleted that story because I was never going to finish it. The second fic is a Gilmore Girls collab fic I started YEARS ago with a friend from Australia. It was put on hiatus when my friend started writing original fiction. That one I would love to finish, but I don't know how likely that is.

14) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

None that I am really aching to do a sequel for. That being said, with the right inspiration, I could possibly nake a third fic in the little verse I created with Hal in Cling To Me and Cling To You.

15) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

Surprisingly, no. I've been happy with the endings to all of my fics.

16) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

Are we talking other fanfic writers or other fiction writers? For fanfic writers, just go into my fic rec tag. All of them are immensely talented in their own way. I will give special props to the writers of Not Easily Conquered because what they did with that series has fucked me up for life and I have the tattoo to prove it. For fiction writers, I do love Rowling for what she created with Harry Potter. I remember reading the books as they were published and just... I was mezmerized! I also love everything Neil Gaiman writes, it's dark and quirky and has that little something that takes hold of you. I can reread Pullman's His Dark Materials over and over just for the amazing world and mythology he created for that series. 

17) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

I usually don't reread stories I haven't clicked with, so not really.

18) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

Both. I have a Bucky playlist on Spotify that I usually crank whenever I am writing a fic that features him. But I can just as well write in silence.

19) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

Yes. I cried while writing With Him I Will Stay and Goodbye for example.

20) Which part of your Sweet Dreams fic was the hardest to write?

There wasn't one part that was specifically harder to write than others. I do sometimes get stuck on transitions, how to move from one scene to the next as smoothly as possible. If anything, writing Sweet Dreams has taught me that sometimes it's totally okay to just shift scenes and not make a big deal out of it. Not everything has to be complex.

21) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

Often I have a rough idea of how I want things to play out, focus points that I want to include that function as pit stops for me as I write. The only time I haven't made a clear outline was for Kintsugi. I let the prompt guide me and hopes like hell it made sense.

22) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?

That it's a process and you learn. I was so worried about writing perfectly. When I started out in the Gilmore Girls fandom and posting at ff.net, it was really common to have a beta reader. I was new, I had no one to beta read and I kept obsessing over getting things right until I realized that I didn't HAVE to have a beta reader and that yeah, I made mistakes but I could learn from them and from reading other what other people wrote.

23) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

Maybe Snapshots. Or my T.J fic. I love them both dearly.

24) In contrast to 23 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?

Not to the point where it's an eye roll because I do like the attention my fics get. I was very surprised though by the amount of notes that flooded in for a drabble called Fight Night.

25) Are any of your characters based on real people?

I haven't really made use of a lot of OC's. Aiden from Make Me Feel Like I'm Real is the only one that qualifies and with him it's all in how he looks. When I came up with him, I had a very vivid image of a man that looked like a mix of Donald Glover and Daveed Diggs. His personality came quite naturally as he started interacting more with T.J.

26) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

There are so many that have made me blush so hard. One that I remember very vividly was when @lostinthoughtsandfeelings-blog commented on Soft Devotion that it made them feel the same kind of empowerment that the Wonder Woman soundtrack evoked!

27) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

I have been very lucky so far in the criticism that I've gotten. Mostly it's just been typos or something similar that's been pointed out. When I started out on ff.net there were a few who commented that they didn't understand where I was going with a certain story. I think for one fic I got a comment about having dragged it out for too long, but that's about it.

28) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

I do share some of them, simply because I get excited about them or because it's an idea that comes from a conversation that ends with "I need to fic this!!"

29) Do people know you write fan-fiction?

My husband knows, but he doesn't really know what it is (despite my attempts to explain). A few of my old school mates know I write, but otherwise no. I don't really talk about writing fan-fiction with people outside the fandoms I write for.

30) What’s you favorite minor character you’ve written?

I love Steve's parts in Sweet Dreams, and anything that involves Sam.

31) What spurs you on during the writing process?

If I'm writing a series, the feedback from previous chapters do so much to encourage me. Feedback in general motivates me. I often ask friends to give me feedback on certain scenes or passages while I write and seeing their excitement does a lot to help me push through and finish.

32) What’s your favorite trope to write?

AUs and A/B/O for sure.

33) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

I can't remember exactly which one, but it was a Gilmore Girls fic.

34) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

I'd love to say fluff, but angst just hurts so good, and getting screamed at in caps-lock is kinda fun.

[hgfstreamchats]

The Terror, episodes 4-6

SharpwingYesterday at 9:37 PM I may miss the first few minutes, I can't get my earbuds to pair to my computer >:/

highglossfinishYesterday at 9:37 PM Oh, we can wait for you, that's no trouble.

SharpwingYesterday at 9:39 PM tbh i'm not sure i'll be watching it much anyway, if The Bear Attack is indicative of many scenes to come, so... maybe don't wait?   I'm just happy to be here in the chat, and I'll figure out the earbuds eventually.

highglossfinishYesterday at 9:40 PM Oh yes, it gets anything but better going forward.

thenightetc2Yesterday at 9:40 PM got himself frozen in somewhere

SharpwingYesterday at 9:41 PM I ah. Might have read the Wikipedia page for The Terror. [9:41 PM] I will not be watching the later episodes, I can tell you [9:41 PM] But! Until then, the music is pretty and the set design is lovely(edited)

highglossfinishYesterday at 9:42 PM "Oh, the Friends That You'll Eat"

thenightetc2Yesterday at 9:42 PM Uh oh.

SharpwingYesterday at 9:42 PM hhhhhhhh [9:43 PM] Ohh, I give. The mysteries of Bluetooth technology are too much for me [9:43 PM] I'll just watch without sound (thank you again for the subtitles) [9:47 PM] jdhfsjfgjf sure, just go to the bathroom while giving your report

highglossfinishYesterday at 9:49 PM This certainly is sensible.

SharpwingYesterday at 9:49 PM the bear.....is not acting.....like any bear ive ever seen [9:50 PM] is this a potential plot point, or writers who don't care if the bear acts oddly

thenightetc2Yesterday at 9:50 PM isn't it, y'know, possessed by the old man they shot, or something?

TheAlienTazerYesterday at 9:50 PM Hope y'all have fun New meds are kicking my ass lmao

SharpwingYesterday at 9:50 PM well if it is ive missed that part [9:50 PM] that tracks tho, ngl

thenightetc2Yesterday at 9:50 PM I MEAN it seemed implied

SharpwingYesterday at 9:50 PM Oh nooooo >_< i hope you feel better soon Tazer<3

thenightetc2Yesterday at 9:51 PM ye, feel better [9:54 PM] f

SharpwingYesterday at 9:56 PM an brain

thenightetc2Yesterday at 9:56 PM yikes [9:56 PM] yes, keep showing us it [9:58 PM] ...definitely a bear

highglossfinishYesterday at 9:59 PM A normal bear carrying out normal bear activities.(edited)

thenightetc2Yesterday at 9:59 PM What. [10:00 PM] A bear POSSESSED by a man??

SharpwingYesterday at 10:01 PM oh dear, i had to step away for a minute, what happened? [10:01 PM] something tipped them off to Not Normal Bear, what was it?

thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:01 PM The injuries were apparently too deliberate to be a bear

SharpwingYesterday at 10:02 PM ah, okay

thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:04 PM awkward [10:08 PM] that's a lot of detail to see from a distance, through the snow

highglossfinishYesterday at 10:09 PM "I'm going to say this all as smugly as possible, that will help my case."

thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:09 PM right?

SharpwingYesterday at 10:11 PM My visuals are a second or two behind the audio, is that the same for you too?

thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:11 PM nope, although it's a little jerky, on and off

SharpwingYesterday at 10:12 PM I think my wifi is being a little buggy again, nvm

highglossfinishYesterday at 10:13 PM Hold on, let me try and fix it.

SharpwingYesterday at 10:15 PM Seems to be normal for me now

highglossfinishYesterday at 10:17 PM Oh, for Pit's sake. [10:17 PM] Is it working?

thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:18 PM Yes, I think so

SharpwingYesterday at 10:18 PM Yup!

highglossfinishYesterday at 10:18 PM Marvelous!

thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:21 PM Eugh [10:22 PM] "Who is it?  Better not be an enormous bear'

SharpwingYesterday at 10:23 PM Whoops, I'll be back later!

highglossfinishYesterday at 10:23 PM "If there are any enormous bears out there...you just stop that."

SharpwingYesterday at 10:24 PM The Bear: "No." [10:24 PM] (ok ok im actually gone now, byeee)

thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:24 PM byyye

highglossfinishYesterday at 10:24 PM Goodbye! [10:25 PM] "It's full of lead."

thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:25 PM f [10:26 PM] so are any of the ones who actually speak her language still alive, or...?

highglossfinishYesterday at 10:26 PM Crozier does.

thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:28 PM Side note, the volume is much better than usual!

highglossfinishYesterday at 10:30 PM Wonderful!

thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:30 PM ohhhh dear

SharpwingYesterday at 10:32 PM I may not be back tonight after all, so let me just say thank you for having me here!

thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:32 PM

Thanks for dropping in!

highglossfinishYesterday at 10:33 PM

Always a pleasure!

thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:36 PM

the bear got him!

[

10:39 PM

]

( @Mimic you're not muted)

MimicYesterday at 10:41 PM

(I fixed it. somehow, I had to spend about twenty minutes fixing my internet which also involved me having to log back in to discord and resetting all my mute preferences???)

thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:42 PM

"or, you know, just drop dead for no apparent reason"

[

10:43 PM

]

oh, good, their water tanks are lead.

MimicYesterday at 10:44 PM

"Why are you not charmed by my egregious facial hair???"

thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:45 PM

so, a dead man

MimicYesterday at 10:45 PM

absolutely

highglossfinishYesterday at 10:45 PM

"And the way I fouled your sheets?"

thenightetc2Yesterday at 10:47 PM

yikes

MimicYesterday at 10:48 PM

is this a murdercam

[

10:49 PM

]

"Oh, Corpsey, the times we had."(edited)

1

highglossfinishYesterday at 10:52 PM

"You don't care for lead tea?"

MimicYesterday at 10:56 PM

"Asshole, leave. it is that simple."

thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:00 PM

good thing bears can't climb!

highglossfinishYesterday at 11:03 PM

Hooray, it caught fire! Their problems are surely solved forever!(edited)

thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:03 PM

Well, at least nothing could have survived that!

MimicYesterday at 11:03 PM

fire solves everything when your only shelter from the elements is highly flammable(edited)

highglossfinishYesterday at 11:04 PM

It's the kind of pluck and forward-thinking English problem solving that's served them so well thus far.

HopolitesYesterday at 11:05 PM

Oh boy! Medical stuff! Great time for me to grab food.

thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:07 PM

is this about the whisky

highglossfinishYesterday at 11:08 PM

"Men, it will fall upon you to change me."

[

11:08 PM

]

Don't save it for cleaning wounds or anything like that.(edited)

thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:09 PM

perish the thought

[

11:10 PM

]

Ugh, that does not look wholesome

HopolitesYesterday at 11:10 PM

Something horrible is going to happen to that little monkey.

MimicYesterday at 11:11 PM

yeah, seems on-brand for this show

thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:12 PM

"well, if a bunch more die--"

highglossfinishYesterday at 11:13 PM

Eat the monkey.

thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:15 PM

yikes

MimicYesterday at 11:20 PM

you say such sweet things, Corpsey II(edited)

thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:22 PM

D:

highglossfinishYesterday at 11:24 PM

Touch.

HopolitesYesterday at 11:26 PM

Suddenly veeeery happy I'm eating pasta with white sauce.

highglossfinishYesterday at 11:31 PM

Funny how everything tastes better when it isn't full of...I was about to say lead, but that's less of a problem for me.

SharpwingYesterday at 11:31 PM

Realized I left my icon in the stream, my bad(edited)

[

11:32 PM

]

It seems to have automatically shut off/left anyway, but it sounds like I'm gonna wanna sit this one out anyway

whose guts were spilled

[

11:33 PM

]

Also, would you actually be okay with everything tasting like lead? Sounds like it'd get boring.

highglossfinishYesterday at 11:33 PM

True. And lead was never my favorite thing to begin with.(edited)

thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:34 PM

ahhh, what'd I miss in the last ten minutes or so?

highglossfinishYesterday at 11:34 PM

It's not exactly singing with flavor.

thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:34 PM

had to go let the dog out

HopolitesYesterday at 11:34 PM

Gross things.

SharpwingYesterday at 11:34 PM

What's it taste like again? I remember I read what you said about it, but I've forgotten

thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:34 PM

Oh, in that case maybe nevermind

SharpwingYesterday at 11:34 PM

And yes thenight, I think intestines were spilled.

thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:35 PM

Was it the bear again?

HopolitesYesterday at 11:35 PM

No, it was the inuit lady.

SharpwingYesterday at 11:35 PM

Idk, I've been gone for a long time and my Bad Things Happening tolerance is embarrassingly low, so I quit watching XD

[

11:35 PM

]

ooh

thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:35 PM

ohhh

SharpwingYesterday at 11:35 PM

She finally got fed up with them huh

HopolitesYesterday at 11:36 PM

She's the only character I care for.

MimicYesterday at 11:37 PM

do not glorify how completely fucked y'all are

HopolitesYesterday at 11:37 PM

I think it's less glorification and more desperatee hoping.

MimicYesterday at 11:38 PM

I can't get over how much that thing looks like a Pennywise furry

HopolitesYesterday at 11:39 PM

Yeah that's lead poisoning.

SharpwingYesterday at 11:39 PM

W h a t

[

11:39 PM

]

The BEAR??

MimicYesterday at 11:40 PM

the face they slapped on that thing makes me think about Tim Curry's PEnnywise pretty hard

thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:40 PM

ohhh god

SharpwingYesterday at 11:40 PM

Okay I gotta see that

HopolitesYesterday at 11:41 PM

I can't wait for the large number of secrets their keeping from their men to end in a mutiny.

SharpwingYesterday at 11:43 PM

Aaaand gotta go again

[

11:44 PM

]

Sorry, seeya!♡

MimicYesterday at 11:44 PM

seeya!

HopolitesYesterday at 11:44 PM

Why did they bring a gun.

highglossfinishYesterday at 11:45 PM

Ringing in spring with the most lead filled banquet these men have ever had.

HopolitesYesterday at 11:45 PM

Yeah. And a corpse in the corner to round things up!

highglossfinishYesterday at 11:46 PM

It's hardly a party without one!

HopolitesYesterday at 11:49 PM

I feel like things will get weirder.

thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:50 PM

ohhhh dear

HopolitesYesterday at 11:52 PM

I do love the music

[

11:54 PM

]

Ooooooh nooooo

highglossfinishYesterday at 11:54 PM

Well, he did say to stand back.

thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:54 PM

f

MimicYesterday at 11:55 PM

WHAT DID I SAY EARLIER? HIGHLY FLAMMABLE

HopolitesYesterday at 11:55 PM

This show is good at making things so gross

highglossfinishYesterday at 11:55 PM

Aww.

HopolitesYesterday at 11:58 PM

Hmm. The sun went down rather quick.

thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:58 PM

Well, at least things can't get any worse from here on out, right!

highglossfinishYesterday at 11:59 PM

Of course!

thenightetc2Yesterday at 11:59 PM

Smooth sailing from now on!

HopolitesYesterday at 11:59 PM

Well

[

11:59 PM

]

More like walkingFebruary 19, 2021

HopolitesToday at 12:03 AM

Enough fish to kill your frame rate.

thenightetc2Today at 12:03 AM

ALMOST as if they're causing problems

HopolitesToday at 12:03 AM

Possibly.

[

12:03 AM

]

Theoretically.

[

12:06 AM

]

Why is he not just...selling the fish?

thenightetc2Today at 12:06 AM

A commitment to doing things in the most deranged way possible

[

12:08 AM

]

Honestly it's probably a good thing those fish are only about twenty polys each

[

12:09 AM

]

Hahaha what

[

12:10 AM

]

Somebody's going to rig that up to run Doom

HopolitesToday at 12:10 AM

Yes.

MimicToday at 12:10 AM

it's inevitable really

HopolitesToday at 12:11 AM

Now Im curious if someone's done that for Minecraft?

[

12:12 AM

]

Oh no.

thenightetc2Today at 12:12 AM

"wait, can I sell it again"

[

12:12 AM

]

wheezes

HopolitesToday at 12:12 AM

He's just going to mash the button.

[

12:12 AM

]

Forever.

thenightetc2Today at 12:12 AM

enter the autoclicker

HopolitesToday at 12:12 AM

Yes.

[

12:13 AM

]

Whoops.

thenightetc2Today at 12:14 AM

Oh my god

HopolitesToday at 12:14 AM

Reality has broken.

[

12:14 AM

]

MORE EXPLOSIVES

thenightetc2Today at 12:15 AM

Fish lattice

HopolitesToday at 12:15 AM

Oh boooooy!

[

12:16 AM

]

This is fantastic, actually.

[

12:17 AM

]

This man's fingers.

thenightetc2Today at 12:18 AM

Well then!

HopolitesToday at 12:18 AM

Beutiful pile of insanity.

thenightetc2Today at 12:19 AM

Amazong.

MimicToday at 12:20 AM

every time someone reshapes the landscape, a dynamite pile gets its wings

highglossfinishToday at 12:22 AM

Seems like an uplifting note to end on.

thenightetc2Today at 12:22 AM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6nczQNvw5E

?

YouTube

Saturday Night Live

Dream Home Extreme Isn't Exciting - SNL

[

12:24 AM

]

Coming live.

HopolitesToday at 12:25 AM

Is the announcer lady okay?

MimicToday at 12:26 AM

her job depends on selling this to viewers

HopolitesToday at 12:26 AM

She's going to ascend to the sky.

[

12:26 AM

]

She tried to put the tooter thing in the other lady's mouth.

thenightetc2Today at 12:29 AM

her FACE

[

12:31 AM

]

Oh wow

HopolitesToday at 12:31 AM

amazing

[

12:32 AM

]

make things so awkward the customer runs away.

MimicToday at 12:34 AM

oh, what about forgotten tv gems

highglossfinishToday at 12:34 AM

We can pencil it in for next time.

MimicToday at 12:35 AM

alright

highglossfinishToday at 12:35 AM

Do you have a link?

MimicToday at 12:35 AM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgYOkcA3wtY

YouTube

Saturday Night Live

Forgotten Television Gems - SNL

[

12:35 AM

]

and

[

12:35 AM

]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AswY1cRDIgo

YouTube

Saturday Night Live

Forgotten TV Gems: Whoops! I Married a Lesbian - SNL

highglossfinishToday at 12:36 AM

Oh, it's an actual video! I thought you just meant in general. Yes, we can watch it now then.

MimicToday at 12:36 AM

oh, yes! sorry, meant to specify, definitely an SNL skit

HopolitesToday at 12:38 AM

I love the wildly out of place music.

MimicToday at 12:38 AM

apparently this is a direct parody of an actual soap opera called Dynasty

thenightetc2Today at 12:39 AM

wow!

HopolitesToday at 12:40 AM

Pleeeeeease remove your finger from the trigger-ok.

[

12:40 AM

]

Whelp.

[

12:40 AM

]

That was a weird face they zoomed on.

MimicToday at 12:40 AM

ikr

HopolitesToday at 12:41 AM

Oh boy.

thenightetc2Today at 12:43 AM

Noooo, really?

[

12:44 AM

]

Spicy!

highglossfinishToday at 12:45 AM

Glorious.

[

12:46 AM

]

And with that, I think we're in a good place to pack it in.

thenightetc2Today at 12:46 AM

And what a that it was!

[

12:46 AM

]

Once again, thank you for hosting.

highglossfinishToday at 12:46 AM

Such a that!

[

12:46 AM

]

And thank you for coming!

HopolitesToday at 12:46 AM

was fun!

MimicToday at 12:46 AM

it was great! thank you for hosting!

HopolitesToday at 12:46 AM

Even if I have no idea what's happening on The Terror.

thenightetc2Today at 12:46 AM

Goodnight!

MimicToday at 12:47 AM

good night!

highglossfinishToday at 12:47 AM

Good night!

[blindrapture]

an old Andrew Hussie quote (and then a ramble in the tags)

(In response to “are you aware of all the people wishing Act 5′s hiatuses weren’t so prominent”)

I don't know. I hardly ever read more than half way down the first page of questions. Too many, too repetitive, etc.

But through various channels, I detect certain flavors of reaction, ranging from disappointment to frustration to something faintly resembling outrage, not just at the lack of an incendiary production to mark year 2, but also the flagging rate of output in recent weeks.

These reactions are far from universal, but they exist, and to address them I think an education on why MSPA exists at all is in order. If you see a creator who begins to languish in production of what presumably accounts for his day job, the impression may be that he is falling down on the job and failing to live up to his professional commitment. So maybe this is the source of indignation, re: entitlement, that some may feel when my output falters. The problem is, MSPA is not a day job for me. It is an all consuming lifestyle. Hence, the mirage that is the apparent ease of output for what is at times ludicrous volumes of material is highly sensitive to even slight perturbations in my life situation.

Let me put it this way. You may work a full time job. It may be that something happens in your life that makes your job more difficult, because you are preoccupied. Your work may suffer to some extent, but you can still approximately match what's expected of you, because there is a partition between your job and your home life. You may nevertheless feel your full time job seems to dominate your existence, saps your energy, and leaves your weekend respites feeling all too short. This is not an experience I share, because MSPA is not a full time job. If you have such a job, then I would have to RADICALLY REDUCE my workload to match your level of day to day preoccupation.

The actual quantities involved have always been nebulous and I never made a point of keeping track, but 12 hours per day seems like a pretty reasonable average, since that is just shy of all waking hours. Time spent writing, drawing, animating, or just spacing out at my monitor while contemplating all the moving parts. This is what I did every day, including weekends and holidays, for two years, and to some extent another year prior to that with Problem Sleuth. Only a few weekends were missed due to conventions, and there was a single week off immediately following the infamous "robo smooch", and that's it. (Most of that week was spent wondering why the hell I wasn't updating...) There are other gaps in the archive, spanning days or a week, when I was animating. Those spans involved the usual work schedule, while simply omitting sleep!

Not only is this an unreasonable workload to expect of anyone, it's practically impossible to pull it off. Maybe you can expect some committed guy out there to really buckle down and duplicate that effort for a month or two. But years? Too much can crop up in the white noise of normal life to destabilize it. Momentum is absolutely crucial for maintaining that kind of pace. I find that if I only do an hour of work in a day, I get ten minutes of work done. If I do 12 hours of work, I seem to get 24 hours of work done. This is especially true of animation. Such projects notoriously take a very long time. I feel like because of the crazy head of steam I've built up from years of nonstop effort, I can knock out in days something that might take another animator a week. Or in a week what might take a month. Without that momentum, it's not possible. Starting up Flash cold is excruciating. Getting your head back into the stride of a story wastes energy you wouldn't use if you never broke stride. Without the momentum, the pace reverts to ordinary. Getting distracted by life destroys the momentum.

I've been pretty zealous about deflecting the distractions, even when I move, as I often do. A notable example was last year when I came back from the Emerald City con in Seattle, and found my apartment flooded. The con was already enough of a time sink, so I didn't have much of an appetite for going into personal crisis mode. I just kind of shrugged, picked my computer off the lone, miraculously dry part of the floor, dropped it in a temporary residence, and kept drawing. I think the flood mess occupied about a day of my attention, whereas something like that could easily take up weeks of your time and energy if you're living that "normal life". You know how it is, you come home and find water up to your ankles and go aw fuck, what's ruined, what needs replacing, gotta call whoever and deal with the fuckin landlord about stuff and auuuugh. I just didn't bother with any of that, because it just didn't seem to matter, and I preferred to keep working and not give a crap about all my soggy bullshit. And in retrospect, I guess it really didn't matter.

All of my moves have been similarly characterized by the unceremonious transportation of a computer and a few boxes to a new room, in which I'd continue working as if no change took place, with no service paid to the life that would be lived there, except as a workspace. I moved again recently, prompted by decidedly less dramatic and less soggy reasons than after Emerald City. This time, for whatever reason, I did it differently. I moved the normal way, the way I imagine normal people doing when I close my eyes, whereby more than a car trunk full of utilitarian belongings are imported into the household, placed on the floor, and never unpacked until the next moving day. I am not necessarily PROHIBITIVELY busy, but like I said above, any dent in the momentum, whether its a few trips to Home Depot or Target here and there or somehow waking up to discover I'd absconded from a shelter with two particularly energetic young cats, is something that precludes a pace of output that is insane and often bordering on miraculous.

What I'm trying to convey here is this isn't necessarily any sort of break, or a grand announcement of a big slowdown for MSPA. I'm trying to give you a sense of the reality which made MSPA heretofore possible, and that if for a period of time I descend from an altitude far exceeding the hours of a full time job, into "merely" those of a full time job, IT DOESN'T ACTUALLY COUNT AS A BREAK! And certainly not as any sort of violation in a pact with the readership. Different from what you're used to? Sure. But you should never find yourself in a position where you come to expect, let alone demand, that degree of effort from anyone, even me. If my output "sputters" from 10 pages a day to 1 or 2 or 3, IDEALLY (re: unrealistically) this should not even cause you to voice an internal observation on the matter! And if one is voiced, instead of "oops, looks like Andrew's slipping," it should be "oops, looks like Andrew's being a regular dude for a while."

Not that detecting a pace change is some terrible wrongdoing, since clearly I've done everything in my power to establish these absurd precedents, and people have naturally associated this with The Brand. I'd just like to suggest it would be beneficial to the reader to disentangle enjoyment of the content from the torrid pace its been commonly delivered. Who can say how fast or slow it'll come in year three? Would my assurances even be reliable? Maybe it'll stay at the current pace for a good long while. Maybe it'll soon hasten back to something more typical. Maybe it'll come back FASTER THAN EVER. Who cares??? Do you really NEED this site to be the fastest comic on the block to enjoy it? Are you prepared to contend with the backlash to your psyche that is risked by so fervently relishing that particular property of the comic? What if it's taken away? Don't go boasting to your neighbors that your slave can pick cotton ten times faster than theirs. It's unbecoming. Just enjoy the fluffy yield of his furious hands, while you wait and pray for Abe Lincoln to gently stroke his beard and relieve you of your bigotry.

[thewildmother]

4, 13, 21, 27, 34 aaaand 35 :D

4. Your current campaign.

Oh boy, in my D&D group we have a few going at the same time that we kinda cycle through depending on who has a session prepared/how many players can show up. So I’ll talk about the campaign that I’m DMing! It’s set in Thedas and been lovingly named Dirthera which translates to “To tell tales” in Elven, because I’m a giant dork. The whole thing started as a standalone oneshot which I then branched out from when everyone agreed that they would like to continue playing their characters from the oneshot, and when I realized that a sort of arc I had vaguely mapped out could tie into a character’s backstory quite easily. It takes place 2~ months after the Fifth Blight was ended, and the first main kind of area they’ll be going is Denerim! The current plan is for them to run through a few side quests that I’ve planned out for them so that I (as a new, baby DM) can get a handle on balancing combat encounters, and then I’m gonna start placing hints for the main arc and eventually yank them right into it! While hopefully also planting some little hints and interests for the connected character’s backstory.

13. Introduce your current party.

I’ll go with our most played campaign for this one– I believe it’s called Wrath of the Lich King, and set within the WoW universe.

Leva’lyn is the Eladrin Rogue Assassin of the party, who I play! But she’s actually going to be switching to a Necromancer Wizard during the next session, because of my reasons as a player and because it works into her backstory of some deities cutting her off from that magic since she entered the plane at around 15 years old.Lucius Hellscar is the Human Paladin, and I don’t know who his deity is at this point and this reminds me I should inquire about it. He constantly is trying to do something in “Paladin’s Cant” and as far as I know is Flexing 24/7. He has a fey familiar named Shadow who takes the form of a wolf currently, but I believe his player said that she’d be changing to something else soon and that’s exciting.Ulryn is our Elf Warlock, who was part of a cult and managed to escape before she got sacrificed. By her parents. She also made a deal with an entity that took away her ability to love, this was so long ago and both myself and Leva’lyn are still in frigging shock we cannot fathom how she agreed to it.

We had two other party members but they’re phasing out because of their lack of interest tbh.

21. Have you ever regretted something your character has done?

Uh yeah, Leva’lyn started a deadly tavern fight on accident. She was stealthed behind 2 trash-talking dwarves and got the “signal” from the party Paladin, and I’m pretty sure we all collectively as a group agreed that meant the fucking rogue should assassinate the fool. But APPARENTLY, and I was told after I made the decision to kill instead of knock unconscious, it was supposed to mean “bash him over the head so he sleeps for a bit”. I don’t necessarily regret the killing part because it all happened fairly quickly and at the time it seemed like we all agreed to it, but some other circumstances mentioned and alluded to afterward make me feel regretful or irritated because of how the entire encounter was presented to us then treated as afterward. 

27. Do you allow homebrew content?

It depends on the homebrew, I’m more than willing to try things out but if something seems a little overpowered or straight up ridiculous it’ll be a no. I actually homebrewed a DA Mage class for the game so I can’t exactly say “Fuck your homebrew choice, only mine” or I’d be a jerk.

34. Do you tend pick weapons/spells for being useful or for flavor?

I pick weapons that I can see my character acquiring/using, though occasionally I do consider “Well, we don’t have any ranged characters here” and pick something to go along with that process. For spells I also use the would my character get this? train of thought, because it’s fun. I go through the spell list up to the level of spells my character can get and just make a long list of them, then narrow them down to my choices of must get for this character and then if I have leftover spells I can prepare I will balance out crowd control/healing/damage/support spells so I’m not a full on glass cannon or have at least 2 damaging spells.

35. How much roleplay do you like to do?

At the moment I do a lot more writing for my characters, it’s easier for me where I’m at as a person without enough vocal roleplaying experience BUT I do try my best to actively roleplay while in game. For some characters it’s harder than the others, but for characters like my sorcerer Rebekah or cleric Lara I can drop into their personality like that. I’m not very great at giving them voices, but it’s pretty easy to tell when I’m talking as them or spend time describing their actions/reactions.

[kxlebcross]

[ even numbers for the weird asks, pleaseeee ]

me: has to google what are even numbers lol

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? lollipops, cuz after that i can munch on the lil lollipop stick too which keeps me busy lol

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? i know it totally doesn’t look like that but i used to be the class’ smart kid who participated in all kind of competitons and shit like that, was in the school choir, went to music school... so yeah, i was pretty much your average nerd, but then i grew up stewpid haha

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? a weird mix of tomboy and grunge, depending on the day and actual mood, weather and whatever the hell i got clean lol

8. movies or tv shows? movies - i usually lose interest in every series after like... 2-3 episodes? i only finished like 3-4 deries in my whole life so i guess the number speaks for itself

10. game you were best at in p.e.? i used to be pretty good at volleyball back then, though i was always considered too short to be on the school team haha 

12. name of your favorite playlist? am 4:44 with a little moon emoji, made by yours truly (aka me)

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? i don’t really eat sweets... but when i do i go for sour jellies but idk if that counts as candy haha

16. most comfortable position to sit in? have you ever saw one of those “bisexuals can’t sit normally” memes? pretty much all of those, i always sit in random poses until my back gives in, i don’t have a favorite position tho

18. ideal weather? the summer night’s warm weather with a little breeze, maybe with some clouds... but i usually enjoy rains and thunderstorms too unless i have to go out because then i’m like bruh

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? depends on what i have to write - for school notes i usually use a notebook and/or my laptop; for stories - my laptop or my phone’s notes if the inspiration gets me outside; everything else i’ll just write on random scraps of paper or in random notebooks just to never find them again haha

22. role model? i don’t really.... have one? i rather have a motto to live by but i don’t really look up to anyone tbh

24. favorite crystal? don’t have one, i dunno shit about crystals lol

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? go out for a nice walk or some drink with my friends, walk my cat outside or just chill on my balcony with a boo while terrorizing my neighbors with a randomly chosen edm playlist

28. five songs to describe you? human by sevdaliza badmind by kuzi scar by foxes throat full of glass by combichrist 5:3666 by machine gun kelly

30. places that you find sacred? uhhh..... i can’t really think of any that would fit here? but i never really step in weird plant formations in forests and shit like that, cuz better be safe than sorry

32. top five favorite vines? i literally only have one favorite vine and it’s the two guys chillin in a hot tub, thats it

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? every seasonal whiskas one because of the baby cats.... but other than that i haven’t seen an ad in ages, i don’t have tv and use adblock on pc haha

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? i...c an’t remember, it was probably one of the rage comics or trollface comics? can’t really recall tbh it was ages ago

38. lemonade or tea? lemonade, with lots of ice cubes and mint, give it to me pls

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? well in elementary some guy from the older classes took a sh*t then went to one of the classrooms to wipe his ass with the curtains there lol also some other time someone pissed out of the window on the first floor  in high school someone gassed the whole school with pepper spray, but like an insane amount, and everyone went immediately panic mode, police and firemen were called, the whole school evacuated..... and the one responsible for that had to pay like an insane amount of money for the police/fire dept. action haha

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? pants pockets, i don’t trust jacket pockets cuz they usually dont have a lil zipper to close them up and i’d totally lose my phone if i put it there, im stewpid like that

44. favorite scent for soap? orange-vanilla or some other citrus-y scent

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? anything oversized will do with some pants/underwear

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? probably a grapefruit, fucking bitter about everything lmao

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? once i laughed at a plastic bag being dragged around by the wind for like 10 minutes while being fucked up drunk... does that count?

52. favorite font? hands down times new roman

54. what did you learn from your first job? that the customer isn’t always right and that apparently i had a knack for putting down tiles

56. favorite tradition? does halloween count? i love halloween

58. four talents you’re proud of having? i’m a really good driver.... and i think that’s it? i really can’t come up with anything else... does being loud and obnoxious sometimes count? and i think i’m good enough with people too... and i think i’m a good listener? idk, i’m pretty useless tbh

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? give me the good old horror and make me the obnoxious side character who rarely ever speaks cuz no one ever asks them anything, that would pretty much resemble my actual life

62. seven characters you relate to? bojack horseman, sal paradise, loki from mcu, wednesday addams, oba yozo from no longer human, richie tozier, holden caulfield

64. favorite website from your childhood? club penguin! i wasted sooooo much time on there, sheesh....

66. favorite flower(s)? i really like succulents and ferns! and cactuses... or anything that’s low maintenance tbh

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? licorice... and also cucumber lemonade, gross

70. left or right handed? right

72. worst subject? i’m really bad with history and physics, i’m just way too dumb for those

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? around 9-10, i’m pretty much used to all my chronic pains and tbh i don’t like taking pain meds cuz i always have to take double because once i was misdiagnosed and spent almost a year on painkillers so barely anything works for me now... thanks public healthcare

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? fries... i’d love some now, i’m actually hungry 

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? coffee from gas station, now pretty much all of them have decent coffee machines and the prices are okay too and i definitely trust them more than any boxed sushi ever

80. earth tones or jewel tones? jewel

82. pc or console? i grew up as a pc kid and tbh never had the money for a console so i just got stuck with it haha

84. podcasts or talk radio? if i necessarily have to choose then podcasts

86. cookies or cupcakes? both as long as its witch choccie

88. your greatest wish? let’s be realistic - i’d like to have my own place and little car and cats and i’d be all good

90. luckiest mistake? drunk kissing this one guy from my esports team after telling him i was a lesbian and he told me he had a girlfriend, it was stewpid tho, lets not get back to it

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? sunlight and fairy lights, the latter necessarily in blue, it’s just neat and doesn’t bring in all the mosquitos at summer when i leave the window open

94. favorite season? spring

96. desktop background? some assassin’s creed logo fanart i’ve found on alphacoders

98. favorite historical era? i.... really...... hate....... history...... blame it on my middle school teacher who made me hate it lol

[doctormelapples]

all the a s k s

Here you go homie:

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?More milk, get them slightly soggy cinnamon toast crunch 2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?One of my favorite feelings tbh 3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?Receipts,,,,,, I doggy ear them from the bottom 4: how do you take your coffee/tea?Tea, STRONG, Maybe with a lil honey 5: are you self-conscious of your smile?I cover my face with my hand when I laugh, if that is the connection 6: do you keep plants?A goal of mine is to keep plants 7: do you name your plants?I totally would, I named everything 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?Photography??, Writing? 9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?I do all the time. Apparently I hum when I work, but I don’t often notice 10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?Um side? Idk I just asked the only person who has seen me sleeping in the last three months, she said I can’t make up my mind 11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?SharkBecks,, #rip, Crab walk,, In this Denny’s tonight,,,, whipping in response to an attack on your person 12: what’s your favorite planet?Uranus 13: what’s something that made you smile today?I went to coffee with my ride or die and that was fun 14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?The walls would be brick for sure, wood floors, shit ton of rugs, plants everywhere, we stole the plants from cafes, small windows, maybe circular, you know that nasty looking gross pale blue fridge, looking nasty and old, that one, and we found a bright red couch on the side of the road, it’s perfect, string lights, and the occasional lamp, old fashioned lightbulbs, warm light, yellow and orange lights, a mix of framed and not framed posters, bean bag chairs for parties, Cupboard space, only used for mugs, paintings and art, and photographs, polaroids, all over the fridge, cupboards with pins and magnets, probably some salt crystals, salt lamps, some rose quartz stuff, candles everywhere. It’s a study apartment, so all we have are two really big beds in the middle of the beds, THROW PILLOWS EVERYWHERE, too many pillows,, polaroids hanging from string lights on the ceiling, BOOKS EVERYWHERE, stacks everywhere, corners= books, top of the fridge=books, vanity made of several different old mirrors, hanging cubbies for our shoes, we share all the time anyway, no floor space, fashion racks for all of our clothes, we mix, cuz we always share clothes anyway 15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!Did you know Venus is the hottest planet, not mercury, even tho it’s closest to the sun? Also NASA is fake and nothing is real? 16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?Lasagna 17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?PINK BLONDE WITH DARK ROOTS, AND PINK 18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.Something I did? Welcccs, I said welcccs In the gc once,,, never lived down, Pronunciation: Whelc-k-kz I also said pipin’ ass tea, so 19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?Lot’s 20: what’s your favorite eye color?Green 21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.I have a bag, that I got recently, it’s black leather looking, and I have a white puffball on it, and I love her, Victoire, is her name. 22: are you a morning person?YEET NOPE 23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?Sit and contemplate the fact that literally nothing is real and nothing matters. Or go to the park with my friends 24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?No, tbh 25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?I broke into a closet once 26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?My grey hightop converse 27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?Sour Apple 28: sunrise or sunset?Sunrise 29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?Anytime @thumper-darling sits in a comfy chair she immediately snuggles up with the arm of the chair for a hot mo 30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?Yes, shall I tell the story?? Send me an ask and I’ll tell it 31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.I love socks, I like weird socks. Sleeping with socks on is of the devil. No fuck off, I have this pair that is a strawberry, one sock is the right side, and one is the other half, and I love them, I also have lime ones like that, and I have lots of different, polka dotted ones that I can wear as mix and matched 32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.I went on an adventure to a city a lil out of the way, and it was like exactly 2:54, I have it on a video, and it was lit, we walked around the city, at 3 in the morning, and got passed by 4 different police cars, we made up a plan to tell them who we were, but neither of us really think straight ever, so it was a damn mess. 33: what’s your fave pastry?I love a good strudel 34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?I got my fav stuffy on my seventh birthday, sophie, a white dog that glowed if you pressed her hand, My mom snuck up to my attic room that I shred with my sister, and handed it to me, It felt like it was exactly midnight, but it was probably only like 10, and she glowed and I love her. She sits in my closet and watches over me now. She stopped glowing a few years after I got her. Her lights died, after so many battery replacements 35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?I love them, so much, but I don’t have many. I would use them all the time, if I had more. 36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?I got my rose scented candle going, I got my main lights off, and I’m listening to my drunk friend breathe over the phone while she reads probably It by Stephen King, let’s go with,,, alt-J, does he count? Or Wild Party? The 1975?? IDK 37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?I think better in messy, but I do like clean 38: tell us about your pet peeves!Do I have pet peeves? People telling other people that I’m “in a mood”, touching my stuff without asking, someone making offhand comments about something without explaining themselves, DONT TOUCH MY HAIR 39: what color do you wear the most?Pink? Black? Pales, neutrals essentially. 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?I don’t actually really wear jewelry 41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship of Her Own Making 42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!Coffee Chaos, it’s a blessing. I actually have two, to be realistic. Espresso Milano has the aesthetic, the vibe, but Coffee Chaos’ coffee is just better, so 43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?I watched stars with some of my photography classmates, the other day, we were shooting on location, and it was Night™ 44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?I don’t know her!!!!! WAIT JK I had a dream about Taehyung the other day, idk man it was pretty damn serene, can you believe that tae is the most beautiful man in the world 45: do you trust your instincts a lot?Always, if my vibes don’t jive w u hecks off 46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.The only puns that currently reside in my soul rn are in Korean… wolwol…. How bout: I’m going to bed,,, Mind if I Slytherin 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?FUCKING COTTAGE CHEESE 48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?My mom being mad at me,, debatably. 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?I love Record Storesssss,,, a happy place, tbh 50: what’s an odd thing you collect?I used to collect bottle cap tops, like izze tops, Snapple tops, etc. I’m tryna collects pins/buttons now tho 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?I associate tipsy by J-Kwon with @thumper-darling 52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?I dig some snazzy The Floor is me me z, nothing but respect for my president, right in front of my salad, the ditty.its, he protecc he attacc, etc there were some good memez this year 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?I’ve only seen heathers out of all of these and it was the play, it was pretty hecking good. 54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?My aunt at my cousins funeral. 55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?Honestly whom knows, once I painted my hand bright green, but for no reason so there’s your answer 56: what are some things you find endearing in people?I like it when people smile while reading, 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?Lit,, get lit, if you don’t dramatically reenact the lyrics did you even listen to bohemian Rhapsody? 58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?@thumper-darling is the wine mom, and the vodka aunt. She’s an alcoholic. Rip 59: what’s your favorite myth?One of my faves 60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?I do, but I don’t often retain names,,,, rip, one of the first ones I memorized was the jabberwocky by lewis Carroll 61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?I gave a mcdonalds happy meal toy away once as a gift, and once I got a whole ass gum wrapper legitimately 62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?Love me some juice. I favor Apple Juice, but no o n e else in the house drinks apple juice so all we ever have is orange juice. 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?Stacks, my music, yes, but theses books really be out here, overflowing from my shelves, so we got stacks, and any organization they had is now gone. 64: what color is the sky where you are right now?The sky is dark rn, cuz it’s night, but during the day this week it’s white and grey cuz it’s Rainy Week™ in Michigan rn. 65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?I can list a good few people. My old classmates, from my old school. That would be nice 66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?My most ideal flower crown would have flown pink stained roses, vines with thorns, small white and pink flowers, be really extra in the center like a crown. 67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?Serene, content 68: what’s winter like where you live?Slushy, sometimes we get lots of snow, sometimes its lacking, 69: what are your favorite board games?I love clue, I got a doctor who version for xmas last year, best gift in years ngl. I also love risk; world domination, and a new fav: Truth Bombs™ Created by Daniel Howell and Phillip Lester available anywhere they sell games, for example: B&N where you can pick up The Amazing Book is Not On Fire at the same time, and while you’re at it, check out Dan and Phil Go Outside. 70: have you ever used a ouija board?FUCK OUTTA HERE FUCK OYOU MEAN FUCJBOI NO 71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?I dig some good ol’ Bengal spice, I dig strong spicy tea 72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?I mean, yes, but do I write shit down? The answer is no 73: what are some of your worst habits?Picking at my nails, making internal commentary on Everything around me @ a l l t I m m e s 74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.They really out here, at all times. They tend to be the loudest of the group, and they honestly bring the party. Story telling skills level master, You can’t beat them, They’re just so good at telling an entertaining story, even if it isn’t entertaining. Sometimes doesn’t have good days, and that’s okay. 75: tell us about your pets!I have two dogs, Maddie, and Arenal,, Maddie is a boxer lab mix, and she’s allergic to like literally everything 100% ,,, except cats. Arenal is a white blonde golden retriever and he’s the laziest mf I’ve ever met 76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?A literal Photography assignment, idk why I procrastinate on these, I love doing them. 77: pink or yellow lemonade?Pink! 78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?HATECLUB FUK U 79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?My promposal last year was pretty dang cute, rip that tho. 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?I didn’t get to chose, they’re kinda a milky white, I don’t mind it to much, its not bad 81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.doe eyes, at their finest, and that’s what I got 82: are/were you good in school?Not really, like I’m pretty average tbh 83: what’s some of your favorite album art?I really loved Young The Giants “Home of the Strange” CRUISR’s album art is all pretty aesthetic, Anti was good, I liked “Bleak” by Froth, “Cult of Personality” by Varsity, and like tons others 84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?Yeah! I want to get a lineart tattoo of a swing set, with wildflowers growing specifically yellow and red flowers with light blue ink for the swings, I want to get something to do with Scorpio, and I also want an vertical ellipses in my inner elbow 85: do you read comics? what are your faves?Not really, But I have read Archie comics my whole life, Betty n Veronica, I looked at the new Riverdale ones, it’s pretty okay. You can’t really beat the go comics tho. and I own some snazzy local artists comics, those are my faves 86: do you like concept albums? which ones?I guess so,, I don’t really go out of my way to recognize it tho. I like Hospice by The Antlers, Of course Lemonade, does channel orange count? Idk, I had to look up a list of concept albums to say which ones I liked. 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?Breakfast Club, Men in Black, Star Wars, Harry Potter, (all) the og Wizard of Oz, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Hocus Pocus, ET, LOTR, um and more for sure, but idk right off the top of my head 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?I suppose there, are but I couldn’t tell you the name 89: are you close to your parents?I’d say I’m like relatively close to my mother, but not so much my dad 90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.Just one? It’s either Chicago or Stratford, let’s go w Stratford, Ontario, okay. There is a lot stuff going on in the summer over in stratford, they have the Stratford Shakespeare festival and the theatres in the area are beautiful as shit. I haven’t been there while it’s not going on, but I gather it’s a very touristy sorta town. They have ups and downs in streets, it’s not big enough to get lost, but you can still lose yourself in the different shops and cafes. 91: where do you plan on traveling this year?The year is almost over, but it would be nice to visit my family who live hours + hours away. I want to go down to the capital and go to my favorite shops in the city I used to live. 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?I’m lactose intolerant 93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?Probably a half up pony tail 94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?My friend Jalee, her birthday was the 21st and she is exactly 3 weeks and 3 days older than me. 95: what are your plans for this weekend?I have a halloween party I might go to, or else I’ll be at my dad’s house this weekend. 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?I procrastinate a lot,,, I have pressed the damn remind me later button so often,,, 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?Oh shit I can’t remember my Myer briggs, maybe I should take the test again,,,, okay hold on…. Okay: ENTP-T Scorpio, Slytherin, 98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?Maybe this summer? I love hiking, It’s one of my favorite things to do 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.Suburbia by Troye Sivan, Growing Old on Bleeker Street by AJR, Trapdoor by twenty one pilots, Body Gold by Oh Wonder, Sea by BTS, Art Exhibit by Young the Giant, Titus was Born by Young the Giant, actually that whole album Home of the Strange by Young the Giant. 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?5 Years into the future, I never wanna go back. Unless I could change events, in which case I’d go back.