#3. again it's temporary and i am really really scared that these non-pain days are going to fucking bite me in the ass

[uncanny-tranny]

The frustrating thing about having good days with pain or bodily irritation or mobility or whatever else isn't that it's a "good day." It's the feeling that you are either greatly exaggerating your suffering or worse, that you're secretly wanting attention/admiration for your suffering. I think people sometimes are confused as to why good days in terms of disability can be distressing to some, but it is precisely that you almost... overthink the Implications of good days.

It isn't that you want to be suffering, it is that you are taught you will only be "worthy" of help if you are suffering in the Right way (and having any good days are often seen as a sign that you aren't "truly worthy").

[juminsmysticmc]

Amnesia - Chapter 1

Jumin x Mc  Ending: Happy Ending

Hello, so, I’m really back...I will try my best to write more again ( I know I said it like 1000 times) but for now I hope you guys enjoy this ,,Comeback’’ of mine with a One Shot!!!

,,Doctor, it has been two months since you told me that he will wake up soon, tell me the truth, will he ever wake up?“ you asked the world best doctor with a trembling voice. It was hard to believe that Jumin and Driver Kim got into an accident, but it happened. Your best driver unfortunately died immediately, but Jumin had more luck, if we can call it luck. Ever since then, doctors observed his state in Korea‘s best hospital in Seoul, but nothing changed. You put your hand on your swollen belly and thought about the boy you had at home, who was crying and craving his father‘s warmth. Would your children grow up without a father? Because you would never be able to love another man. A few more days passed until the phone call you waited for finally arrived. Jihyun, who was practically living at your place for support, and you immediately rushed there, leaving Yoosung and the temporary nanny together at home with your son. Your heart was pounding more and more as the closer you got to the hospital. The driver couldn’t even turn off the car as you jumped out and walked into the hospital. Jihyun’s words telling you to calm down was just background noise. You also ignored the signs that said ,, No running! ‘’ The only important thing was that Jumin was awake. Jihyun finally caught up to you and with you he entered the VIP Room Jumin was staying in. The doctors around him turned to you and smiled at you guys. ,,Jihyun,’’ Jumin softly smiled and looked at you, a bit puzzled. Perhaps this was the first sign you should have noticed. But instead, you embraced him and began to sob into his shoulder. ,,Thank you for waking up!’’ you mumbled. ,,How long was I asleep…?’’ he asked the doctor. ,,Way too long, my friend,’’ Jihyun nodded. ,,Two months, three days and 18 hours,’’ you gasped. ,,I see. Jihyun, did you break up with Rika and find yourself a new girlfriend in that time? Who is this pregnant lady?’’ Jumin asked you, making you stop breathing.

Your face was frozen and the happiness vanished. All that was left was pain, sadness, and fear. A lot of fear. ,,Mr Han, what year is it?’’ the doctor asked him. ,,2015 of course,’’ he replied and looked over at the calendar when he realized that something was wrong. ,,OH MY GOD!’’ you yelled and stumbled back. ,,MC!’’ Jihyun tried to hold you as you collapsed, crying as if your husband died. Well, technically it was as if he actually did die. The man you knew died. The person you loved died. After you calmed down and had your own checks, the doctors observed Jumin a bit more and explained that he needed more time, but would eventually get better soon. You weren’t as optimistic as them.   Your father-in-law, who wasn’t as sad as you expected, quickly arrived too and assured him that you could go home and that he would take care of him. Indeed, you were tired and worn out and so Jihyun and you returned back after a quick walk around the hospital yard. ,,So this is my wife and mother of my son and she's pregnant with another child?’’ Jumin asked his father. ,,Yes,’’ he simply replied, looking outside of the window too where Jihyun was supporting you. ,,And she’s not a gold digger?’’ he asked his father again, feeling something he once felt while looking at Rika and Jihyun.   There were so many unknown feelings inside him, but seeing you cry made him feel weird. He couldn’t forget it.

,,Yes, well, I tried to make you marry someone else, but you fell in love with her and even found out that my and your fiancé had some other ideas and so you married her,’’ Chairman Han told him and scrolled down his phone to show him a picture of the two of you on his wedding day. The next day, Jumin got ready to go to his home together with his father. ,,Driver Kim was the driver that day and died too?’’ he asked him. He felt… odd, knowing that the second person he knew already died. Once in the car, Jumin tried to unlock his phone, failing the attempt two times until his father typed in some numbers. ,,What was that Number? Isn’t Elisabeth the 3rd’s birthday the 00.00.0000?’’ he asked his father. ,,I don’t know, but your current password is your son’s birthday, the 05.07.2017’’ Looking down at his phone he saw countless messages and open chats. Jumin used the time in traffic to check those, just to see messages of you in the chatroom and the other members. Even Zen trying to reassure you that he would wake up soon. ,,JiHo is asking about his father again. He doesn’t understand,’’ a message said. ,,I will be over soon, Mc, just hold on a bit, okay?’’ Yoosung replied again and left the chat. ,,I am scared that Jumin will never see the baby I’m carrying, and I’m scared that I won’t either,’’ you typed and also left the chat that day. ,,I hope that he wakes up soon, for JiHo’s sake and Mc’s…’’ even Zen replied that day, something he didn’t expect. ,,Oh,’’ he said, surprised and inspected the picture he had as background. A picture of you, pale and worn out, but smiling with a blue bundle in your arms. A baby. ,,You took the picture surprisingly well since you were crying non stop that day after a few complications. But Jihyun taught you well, and after Mc woke up again, you felt better again,’’ his father said and tapped on his phone, opening all his pictures. ,,Here, see for yourself,’’ he said. Videos, non-blurry ones, but perfect ones of a black-haired boy walking, laughing with you, watching the stars, and sleeping soundly on your lap. ,,We arrived,’’ Chairman Han said and got out of the car as someone opened the door for him as well as Jumin. Together they walked into the penthouse, which now looked somehow more like a children’s house.

Pictures on the walls made him look around until the door opened. ,,DADDY!’’ a little boy with a red face and puffy eyes ran towards him. Hugging his legs, he kept sobbing. ,,Mommy said you got hurt hurt. Are you okay?’’ he asked him, putting his arms in the air, expecting him to get carried. ,,JiHo, I said no running! Daddy is still sick!’’ you told your son and pulled him back. ,,JiHo-ah, shall we play together?’’ Yoosung quickly came and picked him up, going into the room where your son’s cries were still heard. ,,I will need a DNA Test,’’ Jumin nodded. ,,Sorry?’’ you asked him. ,,To see if he is really mine. Afterwards, I will of course pay for all his needs,’’ he commented and looked around. ,,What?’’ you asked him and looked helplessly at Jihyun who couldn’t believe his friend either. ,,So, are we married? Do we have a contract? I will pay you half of everything and also pay your living once you are moved out,’’ Jumin nodded and looked at you. ,,Are you saying that…?’’ ,,We will get a divorce. I have no intention of living in my house with a stranger.’’

 Chapter 2, Chapter 3 ( not online yet )

[whumpy-tales-and-thoughts]

Hello oo! May I request "fainting " for the bthb please ?

Thank you for your request and support!! I hope this matches your expectations!! <3 

Words: 1.639

Taglist: @mnmlover2002 

TW: Illness, non con touching/ thoughts, manipulation, left out in the cold. 

****

  It started as sore throat, something Leo was getting used to, what with all the screaming. There was a heavy rainfall the day before, and he’d not pleased Marcus enough for him to leave him alone, so he found it funny to see whether his shouting could be louder than the rain. His whip wound hurt when he sank himself in a hot bath later that night, but he still woke up sore and in pain and he felt kind of weird, but he chose to ignore that. It had been around two months since he had been brought here. Feeling weird was routine by now.

  Marcus knocked on the door, and he pretended to be asleep. He was up later than he’d thought, if Marcus had to come upstairs himself and wake him. He covered himself up before the door creaked open.

  “Good morning baby,” the man’s mellow voice reached his ears, and he rolled his eyes underneath his eyelids. Leo flinched when Marcus placed his hand on his shoulder. “So, you’re awake”, he said, unamused, and pulled the blanket off of Leo’s head.

  “Good morning,”, he said, his voice hoarse. “I just wanted to sleep more”.

  “Too bad you don’t get to choose in here, huh”.

  Leo only pressed the pillow against his ear.

  “I don’t like you today, you’re too irritable”.

  “I don’t like you any day”, he replied tiredly and tried to resist when Marcus grabbed him by the arm, but found he didn’t have enough strength for that.

  Marcus practically pulled him to his feet, and Leo felt the need to sit down again, his vision dark with a dizzy spell. It had been a while since he’d had one of those. “You might want to buy me some iron supplements”, he said, putting on his shirt, turning his back to Marcus’ stare. He never hid that look of his, and it made Leo feel more unsafe than ever. He changed into his usual clothes as soon as humanely possible.

  “Come, let’s go have breakfast”, he smiled, taking his hand and leading him down the stairs. It was unusually difficult to trot them down, even though his legs weren’t injured. His head felt heavy on his shoulders, heavier than the rest of his body. He paid it no mind once more.

  Leo didn’t eat a lot of the French toast Marcus had made; his appetite was lacking. Marcus kept staring at him funny, and Leo really wasn’t up for his games today.

  Marcus was annoyed. He didn’t like it when Leo was being unsocial; he thought it more as him being ungrateful, being resentful and rejecting him, his owner, his boyfriend -although in the making. Taking a deep breath, he stood up, banging his fists on the wood of the table. Leo flinched, caught off guard.

  “I’ve been rough with you, I’ve hurt you, I’ve punished you and you still don’t get how you’re meant to act? What else do you want me to do, hm?” he walked towards the smaller man with loud, heavy steps, which were enough to pin him in place by now. He laughed. “Look at you. I’ve done nothing more than come near you, and you’re freezing up. You know I can hurt you. And you still choose to act like this? I feed you, I let you roam free, and all I get back is disobedience.” He reached down, grabbed Leo’s chin rather violently and smiled at him. He noticed his face was rather red. “Look at you, blushing. You’re so cute, so pretty, my sweet Leo. Don’t make me hurt you so often”.

  Leo averted his eyes. He was, most definitely, scared. But he didn’t want to be hurt, not today, not tomorrow, not ever again. He grimaced on his comment. Hearing he was pretty was getting revolting and each passing day, he hated himself in the mirror more and more.

  Marcus reached for the butter knife by Leo’s plate, while the younger wasn’t watching. Tilting his hand -and with that motion, Leo’s chin- towards his face, he leaned to plant a kiss to his forehead, smiling all the while. As Leo’s attention was diverted to the man, he jabbed the knife into the hand Leo had placed on the table. It was a swift motion, which earned him a quick reaction. Leo pulled his head away as he screamed and groaned in pain, using his other hand to remove the utensil.

  He brought his hand close to his chest, staining his gray t-shirt with blood. His body felt extremely hot now, and he was sweating. Probably from the shock of the pain, he thought amongst other thoughts of agony. “What the hell was that for?!” he yelled, tears prickling the corners of his eyes.

  “It was just to bring your attention back to me, love. See, now you’re focused only on me”.

  “Yeah, you and the pain in my hand which you fucking stabbed!”

  As he was getting angrier, he was also getting dizzier. His ears had begun ringing, as well. This wasn’t good, not at all. He took a deep breath, calming his inner voice, which was screaming at him to turn on his panic mode.

  “Let me help you patch it up, lovely”, Marcus offered, but Leo slapped his hand away.

  “I think you did enough”.

  Those were not the words Marcus wanted to hear. He grabbed him by the arm, using every bit of his strength and, basically dragged him to the front door. Leo was stumbling, his legs weren’t listening to his dazed thoughts. Hit by the heavy raindrops, Marcus brought Leo to the wooden storage by the house, and tied him to the tall, wooden pole in front of its door.

  “Stay here for a while, why don’t you, dear. It’ll be nice for you to reflect on your actions, once in a while.”

  Leo struggled at first, he always did. But today he couldn’t bring his body to cooperate with his scrambled thoughts. He was cold and weak and scared. His hand hurt, and so did his head, and his ears were buzzing and he was dizzy and suddenly, he felt like a little child again. He felt as if someone had taken his comfort blanket away from him. He was alone, in the rain, with his only savior, a sadistic serial killer who claimed to love him. This was all horrible and horrifying, and he didn’t know why he still struggled against Marcus. He knew there was no way out; he knew he couldn’t earn anything but pain by going against him. His hands were bound behind him. He couldn’t bury his face in them, so he brought his knees near his head and settled with that, for a while, as he was crying.

  He let out a shuddering sigh. He was so cold but felt so warm. It was a weird, disgusting feeling. He was shivering, though; he knew that much. He had been staring at the drifting clouds for what he thought was a few minutes now, but Marcus had come to get him, so it must have been longer than that. He unlocked his handcuffs and ordered him to get up. Leaning against the pole, Leo breathed heavily as he stood up.

  “Go on in”, Marcus ordered, not even looking at him. He passed by him and the pole and was about to unlock the storage to get some things he needed, when he felt a tug on his shirt. He turned around; looking very pleased with what he saw, he smiled. “What is it, dear?”

  Leo let out a breath. His face was bright red, his vision was dancing and Marcus kept going left and right in front of him, as if he was refusing to stay in one place. “Stay still”, he whispered to the man who was really, very much unmoving. “I’m not…”

  He didn’t manage to finish his sentence. Swaying, he fell forward, right onto Marcus’ chest. God, he felt horrible. His eyes wouldn’t open and he didn’t have the strength or the will to get himself straight, and if Marcus wasn’t in front of him, Leo knew he’d have planted himself face first into the mud. His body had now decided on a temperature, and he was downright cold. And he felt exhausted, as if he’d been running for a day or so. He just wanted to get warm and sleep. Or disappear, whichever was easier. For now, though, he couldn’t do anything but breathe heavily into Marcus’ shirt. He hated it, sure, but he didn’t see any other alternative.

  Marcus placed a hand to Leo’s forehead and let out a laugh. “My oh my, whatever am I supposed to do with you…” He picked him up and led him up to his room.

  Marcus changed Leo’s clothes, and although Leo was semi-conscious, he didn’t put up a fight, and Marcus didn’t hesitate to take advantage of the situation, sliding his hands around Leo’s torso, until he remembered that, there was a time and place for everything, and today was not it. He placed the younger man on the bed, covering him up with the blankets.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked, and Leo only groaned in return. Marcus knew. He knew Leo had had a fever since he’d kissed his forehead a few hours before. I need you to become depended of me. Forgive me for this tease, he thought and smiled at him. “I’ll go make you some warm soup. Just stay cooped up, alright, baby?”

  Leo didn’t get to eat the warm soup. He didn’t have the appetite for it but, that wasn’t the reason. As soon as Marcus left the room, he relaxed into the warmness of his bed and, although still shivering, he allowed his unconscious to take over. He needed a break from the pain, from the tiredness. He wanted out, and he was thankful to his sickness for giving him a temporary hideout.

[kacychase]

MM - My story to you (707xMC)

SUMMARY

This is my legacy for you.

Saeyoung, I know that you can see me here. Whoever you are, wherever you are, this is my legacy for you. You don’t need to wait forever as long as we are together. And to cherish and love you, I wrote this piece for you. Our love story…

In case you get lonely, in case you have doubts, I will always be here to take your doubts away.

Hoping that you’ll always love me as much as I love you~

Your wife always,

Hana

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~---°---~

Word count: 4555

When you read this, Saeyoung, I hope that you remember the early days. Haha, in fact, I don’t really know how I landed there in the first place, how “Unknown” has chosen me to be hacked. Maybe I have been just a random puppet to him, one in a million…?

But either way, I’m glad I met you.

Back then, when I entered the house, and suddenly, the phone has been entering the chat messages, you have immediately reacted to my arrival. In retrospect, it was pretty typical of you to analyse my profile, find out my credentials, my number, likely my credit card details (thanks for not hacking me hehe~). Funnily, you were immediately the one teasing about everything.

Hahaha, just as I read what you wrote, I just couldn’t help it.

Back then, in confusion, I was trying to grasp the information you and the rest of the RFA had given me – and to be honest, I was a little scared that I might have been in trouble. However, as things finally started to calm down, I finally caught myself catching a breather.

The first time we somewhat got acquaintance was right after you did a background check on me.

You as Seven, hacked yourself into my life and into my heart, and before you could pull away, you couldn’t break through your own firewall. See how well you kept me as our wife to make these jokes? Aren’t you proud reading this, hehe~ I hope I will get more good wifey points from you once we have finally married in our own little spaceship.

Hadn’t it been for that moment, I wouldn’t have known for myself how to get to you.

.

Oh, that day… It was a tough day for both of us.

“Cheer up meow! You’re with the person you like meow!”

I couldn’t imagine what kept you out, what kind of burden and pain made you restrain and go back this much. Initially, I was convinced to cheer you up and lighten up your day, but now… I can’t help but already feel unsettled.

Your words could’ve cut through butter: “Why is this on again…” Your way of eyeing the cute robotic cat didn’t affect the little fellow, however. Completely unwavering, your own programmed cat responded in its perfected fashion: “I turn on when I sense depression meow! You’re with the person you like meow!”

Man…

I wish that this forced confession would’ve meant more now, but as your face distorts in frustration and anger, I can’t help but worry.

‘What happened to you, Seven…?’ was a thought that played through my head non-stop, knowing that my previous calls didn’t change your attitude… But you sounded happier then.

“You like meow! You like meow! You like meow!” I nearly would’ve chuckled from the cuteness of this thing, hadn’t you finally lost your last straw with it. Your glasses partly reflected your eyes as you stood up, but I could figure that you weren’t exactly amused.

“Damn it. Shut up…!,” you yelled in your annoyance, making me sober up. This was no fun time for you. Trying to look at what’s wrong, the following movements all were so sudden: you approaching the cat, taking it into your hand, and taking a big swing…

With this, your own sweet recreation of Elizabeth  the 3rd was no more – or rather, became many pieces scattered on the floor.

My face hardened at this sight, knowing that he might regret it later… And I couldn’t just watch all of this on the floor. It hurt. “ think it’s broken… Can I fix it?”

Muttering those words to you didn’t seem to help your mood become any calmer. “Just leave it. It’s useless,” you just replied, eyes looked on the pieces as if to avoid my eyes. This room, all of these insides felt even colder than before. The bomb suddenly didn’t bother me as much.

“I’ll throw it away later,” you said with a effortlessly booming, icy voice, although you probably didn’t try to sound menacing. At least I would always trust you not to hurt me. Just as assured as I am now, writing this piece to you, I used to be back then.

Your words… It was a bittersweet, funny thought. “And I’ll be leaving soon, so just forget about me.” While you tried to push me away, throwing knives into my heart, it’s as if it was the only goal for you. You seemed to run away, and with this, the hacker 707 became the most predictable person I could hack myself. Neither me, nor the RFA were meaningless to you, and your efforts to protect us proved it.

“I’m sure you’re just upset over Yoosung!,” I just replied with as much enthusiasm as I could muster – I hated the cold feeling of the apartment, “Cheer up!” I just wanted him to be happy, to forget his grief. And I have always been glad to be born a fighter. Your statement: “It’s none of your business how I feel” sobered me up like anything else. But sulking and choosing to be hurt wasn’t an option for me when I knew what my goal was.

I would not take these empty phrases to heart. Back then I already knew that this was not the true Seven or Luciel. Or the true you… And ironically, you started saying these things as if you purposefully tried to contradict yourself: “You wouldn’t have known, but this is how I’ve always felt. There was never a single day when I wasn’t depressed.”

‘This man would make me start praying to God again’, I thought. I wanted to make you feel liberated for a change, to help you with your burden. But then, as you said these words, I understood that if you struggled for a long time… Maybe you didn’t know how to confide in me? Maybe you needed to figure out how to share and disclose yourself to other people before you could trust me?

The silence of me staring right back into his honey-golden eyes seemed to make him nervous, and he continued saying icy things: “Can’t you see that it was all a lie? The jokes, the pranks, all the laughs! Don’t think about me, just think about protecting yourself!”

It would be the least thing I would want, but knowing that you were (still are) the more capable out of both of us, I assured you instead: “I can protect myself so don’t worry!” I threw right back at him with a cocked eyebrow, remembering that during my time in middle school and high school, I did have quite a few self-defense classes. “I’m pretty strong.” I couldn’t help but smirk a little in my pride.

Instead of indulging, you kept up your façade: “You’re underestimating your opponents” and I knew that you as well were a fighter for your own things. For some reason, it made me believe in you even more. You wouldn’t give up on me, as much as I couldn’t give up on you. “You’ll really be in danger with that attitude.”

Not as if we weren’t already, I wanted to say but I realized that it was both ill-intended and unproductive. I didn’t want to lunge back at you. It’s what you twistedly wanted, and I was not going to let you down. “You’re so similar to Yoosung,” you muttered, looking down at thee wooden floor of Rika’s apartment, a sad smile appearing and vanishing just as fast. “Yu don’t have a care in the world regardless of what’s going on,” you said to me, and I couldn’t help but see him for what state you were in right then.

You avoided everyone, worked day and night, eyebags on your face, you lashed out on people you cared for, and were scared. “I just want to be with you, because I like you!” Sometimes, a hacker might see the code as too complicated due to circumstances.

“How many times do I have to repeat myself…,” you started muttering as you corrected your posture, your left hand now tightly gripping onto your headphone cable, “I can’t be with you. We can’t be anything together!” Your hand trembled, and I just listened to your every word.

“Everything that surrounds me… is an illusion that exists in a temporary life of an agent named 707. They’ll all soon fade away. My house, my cars, RFA, you, this place, everything… one day they will disappear like the morning fog. A real life, real things I can have… don’t ever think and hope those things can exist.”

“Yoosung, Hana, all the members, even if you say that you like me… my life…,” suddenly, you let loose of that cable, both of your hands dangling helplessly, just as your head looked down, “y life can’t embrace anything. You don’t know how it feels to live that kind of life. Don’t be nice to me when you don’t know anything. Please… get away from me.”

No. Even if it had been for the best of both of us, I wouldn’t have been able to fulfil your request because I loved you too much. I was and would always selfishly fight for you, and I still do it. I don’t regret anything, and I appreciate your support every day.

“Just leave me alone…”

I felt it in every bone.

“The person you like is the 707 in the chatroom, not me!,” you cried out, suddenly looking straight-up at me in bewilderment. I didn’t know whether what you said scared me or you more… But I wouldn’t accept it. I had to support you.

“Then please let me understand the person in front of me!” It broke my heart to see you like this, and after that incident, I have always known that you felt guilty for treating me like this, Saeyoung. But please understand… there is nothing to apologize for when you are scared.

And therefore I hugged you. God, you trembled so badly, your breath might have hitched. It was as if my senses went off immediately – you were so close, your smell of Honey Buddha chips and PhD Pepper, your matching racing heartbeat, your hitched breath were so much at once, but man.

I was glad I did that right thereafter.

You whispered my name. “Why are you doing this to me?” Suddenly, a dagger hit my heart. I wished it wouldn’t have hurt that much hearing you say that. But you struggled. I would be there for you, no questions asked. And if you read this, my dearest partner in crime, Agent 707, Saeyoung, husbando, please understand that this still counts, okay?

Okay.

Further on, you insisted that you couldn’t embrace anything, that your life was wrong from the beginning, dangerous and filled with lies… I instantly felt my heart drenched and twisted like a wet towel. As you said that you couldn’t protect me or your brother, that was it. I felt a little tear falling down, and couldn’t help but to shake a little. Secretly, I hope you wouldn’t feel it.

With a silent whisper, you asked: “Why can’t you understand me?”

Another tear, and silence. I didn’t want you to hear that I cried, didn’t want you to worry, so it prolonged my answer. For that, I sounded even more assured: “I like the Seven that’s in front of my eyes. Regardless of how complicated your life is. I want to know.”

Haha, Saeyoung, see how I remembered every word? While you said that you could remember every one of our conversations, I can just say that I do, too. And I treasure every one of them in my memories.

“Hana… Don’t do this… please… I-I-,” you mumbled in a gut-wrenching plea, showing your true suffering for something, and I hugged you even tighter. “I cherich you… I want to make you hapy… but I can’t! Why do you want to be with me when I’m so dangerous?”

‘It’s you, Seven’, I thought to myself, knowing fully well that it had always been you. It would always be you. “Why do you like me!”

It was you.

“There is no reason. I just like you. That’s how I feel!,” I call him out, suddenly my own voice shivering. With that, I suddenly felt your chest decreasing, letting out air both you and I had been holding. Your sigh was so relieving to hear, and I felt distress flooding out of my veins.

“You’re impossible, Hana,” you muttered, making me chuckle a little at his frustrated tone. “You’re so strange. I feel like I’m going strange, too. Why aren’t you giving up?!” When your voice broke, my face felt like the cat on the floor, shattered to pieces.

“Why aren’t you getting hurt and abandoning me?!” That was it. I couldn’t listen to it any longer. I didn’t want to hear you say these things, hurt yourself and me in the process. I loved you, and wanted you to be happy. As you continued to rant, I suddenly uttered a word, and it felt so incredibly hard to speak up.

It nearly was as if a wall refused to make me do so.

“You.”

Your body stiffened, and you turned around. For some reason, your stare was even more scared when you looked down on me, and your eyes widened. Letting my arms go off of him, I just couldn’t help but stare back. Why was he so bewildered to look at me.

“You shouldn’t have been able to…,” you stared at me, eyes teary. “Seven…,” I said, suddenly feeling like hugging him. So I did.

“Hana… Are you…,” he muttered in shock, body shivering even more. “I-I will protect you, Hana, I promise. You survived, you’re alive, and I will keep it that way,” you mumbled, suddenly hugging me tightly and back then not knowing what it meant, I just tried to hug you back.

“Can I be next to you when you work?,” I asked you back then, but you didn’t move. “A-Alright,” you replied with a shivery breath.

“I can’t guarantee that I will be good for you, Hana. I don’t think I will be good for you,” you remarked and went out of the embrace, looking at me meaningfully. Your golden eyes sparkled through your glasses, and I couldn’t help but softly push a little bit of your hair strands away.

“Your eyes…,” he whispered, “They’re beautiful.”

I had no clue what that meant back then, but I just replied that so were yours. My smirk seemed to have reached you as well. And as both of us felt that there was nothing to say anymore, you announced: “Time to go back to work.”

At that very moment, I already asked myself how the heck I had flipped the switch for you, an unknowing feeling in my tummy region as I approached you.

There was only one chair in your work area, and I realized that my tummy growled. You immediately turned towards me. “There should be some leftover stuff from yesterday,” you just immediately announced, just as your tummy started to growl as well.

With a small grin, I just responded: “I made sushi today. There have been some for you, too, so it’s definitely time to eat!” “I need to w-“ “I know, I’ll bring it, Seven.”

Quickly ignoring your protests, I ran off to the kitchen, knowing that I put extra much effort into the sushi. Even trying the inside out rolls, I smile at myself as I made a smiley out of the little plate with rolls. In the hopes that you weren’t a picky eater, I transported both plated to your station, putting it on a table where usually, your Honey Buddha Chips and your empty PhD bottles would have situated. I decided bring them away soon in my head.

However, your face was the best when you discovered what exactly I brought you. “God, Hana…,” you muttered, visibly gulping. “Why are you so nice to me? After I’ve been angry with you…”

“It’s because I have feelings for you. Plus, I would love you to try my sushi,” I smiled brightly and received a confused, yet admiring stare from my counterpart. “You’re too positive for your own good,” you finally smiled back at me with these words, seeing the smiley on the plate. As both of us took the chopsticks, I realized I forgot drinks. “Ah! Do you want to drink something or-“

As if reading my thoughts, you suddenly pulled out a bottle of PhD Pepper and man, I could have sworn it wasn’t there before. And yes, after that, both you and I know that it wasn’t there. “A tribute to the Gods for my beautiful existence and for having you in my life!,” you just rambled out of nowhere, probably to light up the mood.

I couldn’t help but blush though. “Thank you, Seven. I’m glad that we can get along like this,” I sincerely couldn’t help but saying this, but your eyes intensively stared back. With that, you put away your headphones, probably because we were about to eat. “You’re too good for this world, Hana. I want you to know that I want to make you happy from now on…”

Your words made my heart skip a beat, and the way you blushed… While you might have pulled up your sleeves – with very handsome lower arms – I couldn’t help but stare at your gushing face still. “Hey, Seven.”

As you looked up, I desperately wanted to kiss you. So much, but I didn’t know whether I would overwhelm you again.

So I took a deep breath.

“Could you feed me again please?”

This was WAY better, hahaha. God, even writing this, your reaction was hilarious! I bet still that both of us thought of the time you were still angry, and fed me all flustered. WheI asked you oer the call, I honestly wouldn’t have expected you to accept it.

But this time, I was less surprised.

“Okay, if that’s what it takes you to e-eat,” you stammered, your face competing with your hair for redness. Man, you looked adorable to me.

“Hmm… Maybe, I can feed you, too, so that all of us are treated equally,” I replied with a little grin.

“How can you be quirkier than 707, Hana?! You’re really strange!,” you finally called out on me, grinning nervously. I just couldn’t help but laugh it off.

“I still love you, Seven, Luciel, or however you want to be called, I asked you to feed me last time. I want to repay with gratefulness!”

And with that, where there has been coldness in the apartment, your chuckle… I don’t know whether you do it on purpose, but it is still absolutely beautiful. It makes my gloomy days sparkle brightly, and my face can’t help but have this lovestruck face you fall for so much. I could have listened to you forever back then.

“That’s it,” you say, your eyes shining in a breathtaking way. With that, you took the chopsticks into your had, picked up a Sushi from your plate and chirped: “Open your mouth, kitty~”

As I chewed happily while looking at him, when all of a sudden he asked something of me.

“Please… call me Saeyoung. It’s who I truly am.”

.

.

After that, for some reason, we could’ve taken up to any challenge. The RFA was happy for us, and even after a lot of effort, you, my Saeyoung – as I came to uncover his past – could save your brother and have him live in our apartment. Things were crazy, we went along too well for our own good, to the point of you proposing to me after a month. God… The door thing was a crazily good idea.

But there was one thing that was strange, and I didn’t know how to tell you during those days when we ate, when we were grocery shopping, or when both of us worked next to each other on that computer. Most of the time, I was finished before you and I could cuddle on your lap after… It was amazing. Still is.

However, there are… weird things going on. Ever since the messenger mystery has been solved, I could live a life chatting with everyone, but since the first day of us as a couple, I couldn’t help but see them… Glitches.

It had been so weird, but scary, and I didn’t know how to tell you. I dreamed of losing you, and I was afraid that I was about to disappear when parts of binary code appeared on my hand that night.

“OH MY GOD!,” I shrieked into the usually tranquil and loving night that we had.

“Hana?!,” you called on me, immediately worried since you knew that I wouldn’t be easily shaken. “What is it?! A bug again?! A bad dream?? Do you need anything?!” Bewildered that he couldn’t see the obvious glitch on my hand, I couldn’t help but point it out: “Can’t you see it?!”

“What?”

Your voice was extremely confused, just as your face was speaking of alarm. Wearing your glasses today, I know that you would have to see it as I held up my arm.

And seeing that I had not much to explain, I still tried to soothe us both. “Saeyoung… I don’t know what this is, and I don’t know how to get rid of it. Could you know what it-“

“The game… It’s starting to fall apart.”

All of a sudden, the whole atmosphere was scary. I could practically feel your heartbeat from far away, and for the love of God, I didn’t know what you meant. “What do you mean?”

Panic seemed to influence your fingers as you grasped my face, your pupils dilating. “Please don’t disappear, Hana, I- I might have made a mistake.”

In complete confusion, but used to that emotion, I brace myself by taking a deep breath: “Please explain the situation to me. I’m here. I won’t go.” This was to soothe both of us as I had no fucking clue what was happening to my arm. The green numbers on black ground felt like a huge computer screen.

Hearing you mumble: “It’s lagging… I knew it…” and other things scared the heck out of me, Saeyoung. Don’t pull this shit ever again on me, you hear?!

“Saeyoung…” My voice was increasingly panicky as I picked up the vibe that you were exerting.

“You see everything around us, Hana?” We could have heard a pin drop at the silence.

“Yes. What about it?”

“Well…,” you muttered, and with that, you pressed the enter key.

And this was when I finally understood what you have said all the way. The ugly truth, the failure to protect, the way you were anxious of leaving…

All of the things around us, even Saeran bursting into the room… It turned into a huge mess of binary codes, other commands I have seen you type, and so, so much more…

“Saeyoung?”

“Right now, I have created all of it. I wished for it a while ago…,” I looked at you in bewilderment. “I wanted to help out people of this world because the world is cruel, Hana. This world was made to satisfy someone’s obsessions, nothing more. I’m just a pawn of this. So are you. I couldn’t have you near me because I wanted to resist this.”

Your chest began to shake, but I was suddenly taken aback. What… What the fuck happened to me?! My vision started to blur.

“I’m just here to help someone else, and I was supposed to leave,” you muttered to explain this to me, “But here I am, loving you and being engaged to you.”

Seeing your face has pained me the most. I couldn’t help but be in utter shock. “Then why… Why did you do this?”

His face scrunched into a painful smile. “You broke the fourth wall. You are someone. And I want to protect you from this.” I listened to your story, to what this world was supposed to be, how I might have been a player who glitched into my own body.

But imagine if my words had been any other than the ones I ultimately said: “I will stay with you, Saeyoung. No questions asked. We will fix it.”

Looking at me in awe, with tears in his eyes, he closed the gap between us, eyes closed. I immediately put my arms around you as you remembered, deepening the kiss and responding to this fiery and heated kiss. I loved how much we were able to share, to inhibit our shyness towards each other. But this hurt.

It hurt so much when we broke apart

“If you survive this, Hana… You might become the wizard’s apprentice, too. But if you wish to come back to your old self, I wouldn’t fault you…,” you whispered crying, and as you broke, you just decided to look me dead in the eye, knowing that with his past, and this current state of me slowly becoming unreal, I could say anything.

“H-how?!,” I replied in desperation, tears streaming down my face at the distress. “I want to be with you, Saeyoung! I wish for us to be together and happy! Is this too much to ask?!,” I screamed into the void around and glared at him. “How the hell could you have hidden it to everyone?! What about that damn wish?! God… This is messed up, Saeyoung.”

As the world reconstructed itself around us, I couldn’t help but keep my eyes trained at yours, guilt haunting his face. “You know what. How did you know what happened?” You stared at me, knowing full well that back then, you left me in utter confusion. “Your eyes… normally, you weren’t supposed to have any. But look at yourself.” Looking at his glass reflection, I tracked myself – light brown hair with bangs put up in a bun, angry hfnwn eyes looking back at myself, I realized…

I remembered. I played the game myself. This wasn’t my original me…

But I still don’t care. “God, I’m sorry, Saeyoung,” I said to him, realizing how many times he must’ve watched me play this game. “It’s alright, you played my route nearly all the time,” he chuckled emptily back at me, “Someone was obsessed with me~”

Blushing, I responded: “Well, yeah! See? I would choose you again! The first time was me being a newbie…”

“Well, MC,” God that felt weird, “What now?”

.

.

.

With our first child on the way – it feels like two though – I feel like I chose the right path, don’t you think, Saeyoung? You have asked me how it was to find everything out, all of a sudden to ask that. It was a shock, but I decided to focus on what I truly wanted. I want you.

So here I am, with my lovely husbando, married at the space station, a horribly unhealthy eater and great taste in your car babies~

With the goal to be a good wifey… Both of us don’t exist, but to us both, we do.

And that is what counts, doesn’t it?

[chemicallyimbalanced-shadowling]

Another life update and storytime in case anyone cares ❤️

I made a bunch of dentist appointments to get everything wrong with my teeth (which is a lot) fixed and I’m real proud of myself.

Lemme backtrack and give some context..

I’ve always been absolutely mortified when it comes to the dentist. My anxiety spikes out of control and when I say I’d be on edge I mean not only figuratively but literally too. But even though I hate dentists I used to never take good care of my teeth at all so there was always something wrong with them. When I was really little I jumped straight out of my chair and started screaming and running away and the dentist had to leave my older sister alone quick while he caught me and brought me out to my mother over his shoulder which I’m sure was awful and embarrassing. I remember after that my mother would always give me some medicine to make me sleepy before we left for my appointments because I would be too scared from the jump and put up a fight when they tried to put the gas mask on. When I was 14, mama took me to a sedation dentist. I took all 3 pills but still walked in wide awake and they accused my mom of selling the pills. They took me in anyway but couldn’t give me more medicine since I did take all the pills so they only numbed me but I was so scared even though I was numb and I cried the entire time and the dentist yelled at me for crying and told me it was my fault and to shut up. After that I didn’t go back to the dentist until I was 20. I had a shit ton wrong and I needed a tooth pulled but they don’t use gas at the dentist I have to go to now so I was terrified. The moment I got in the car I started shaking, and the moment I sat down in the chair I couldn’t breathe and yet again cried the whole time. I was so embarrassed and ashamed and felt so damn pathetic. After that I didn’t go back until a few days ago.

So now here we are.

I was and still am having the worst tooth pain of my whole damn life. So I scheduled an appointment to go back in and figure out what to do. Basically, and I’m really embarrassed about this but I’m exposing myself anyways, I need 8 fillings, 2 root canals with crowns, 1 crown on a non-root canal, and gum treatments to reverse gingivitis. Luckily my school loan refund came in literally that morning and I had more than enough money to pay for everything straight up after insurance (thank GOD for insurance).

Right after my initial exam a couple days ago I got my first of two gum treatments which included getting a major cleaning and some antibiotics put in my gums. That wasn’t bad at all, I’ve always been fine with cleanings. Today I got prepped for my non-root canal crown. So I now have a temporary crown on my tooth until they get the official one in and cement it into my mouth. I didn’t cry once, though I was shaking and wanted to leave. I was terrified. But I got through it without crying and honestly I’m so proud of myself. But on Monday I have an appointment to get 5 of the 8 fillings all at once and it’ll take an hour and a half and I’m scared as hell and I don’t think I’ll be able to get through that many at once but I don’t wanna have to deal with a third fillings appointment you know? Then in a couple weeks I’ll get my two root canals (I’m terrified) and get the permanent crown put on the tooth that I got prepped today. A week later I’ll have the preps for my two crowns on my root canals (yeah I’m terrified) and my probably my last three fillings (terrified again) and maybe my second gum treatment appointment.

But yeah. Sorry that was so long!

Tldr; I’m terrified of the dentist but I made appointments finally and I’m proud of myself but I’m still scared out of my mind

[dwightkschrute]

In 2014 and 2015 I did a my year in review kind of thing where I, of course, reviewed it and accompanied it with a picture from that month. I somehow forgot to post 2016 (until now) and forgot to do it at all for 2017 but unfortunately, I am back with a really disappointing year. I was debating not putting myself through the legit pain of “reviewing” this year but I think of how I love going through my 2009-2010 posts and seeing how much I’ve grown so this is for you, successful and cooler future me.

2016 and 2017 were amazing but 2018 was my most promising year. My boyfriend and I were going to move in, I was going to start my dream job; everything was perfect. It definitely started out as one of the best years of my life! Then exactly halfway through the year everything changed and I was left having to pick up the pieces and completely restart, making it one of the worst years of my life.

I started January in Mexico, which was the best, but my family and I got home early in the month. I had quit my job the month before so I dedicated the entirety of this month to job hunting. Our friend (my bf’s bff who became mine and my brother’s bff early on)’s dad got a boat so it was like we got a boat too because despite the cold, we lived on it. (My boyfriend couldn’t go on the trip with us, which he was super bummed about (and that we had to spend like 10 days apart which was killer then), so he was the one to pick us up at the airport and he greeted me with a bouquet of flowers. Out of the many gifts/gestures he gave me, that was one of my favorites.)

February I started my amazing new job so life was back to 40 hour work weeks and not having much time for much else. I was always attached to the hip to my bf so almost every day after work entailed going out with him or having dinner with my family or his. That was my month. My favorite part of every February is Valentine’s Day and this one was as amazing as the rest. I don’t even have enough space (of the allotted space I give myself for each entry at least!) to describe that day. (My bf at our Valentine’s Day dinner. We finished our long day at this restaurant (so, so cool, once popular with Old Hollywood stars) on Hollywood Blvd and it was dreamy and romantic and amazing.) Oh man, I don’t have a lot of interesting things to say about March. Oh, my parents got Influenza (A/B/idk tbh), so it was two weeks of my brother, bf, and I taking care of them. My dad has a serious chronic disease so it was especially dangerous for him so it was a stressful time. Once we weren’t in hazmat suits anymore (no but really, we were gloved and double masked around them and kept them quarantined), I’d be at work or with my bf. I also started to get close with a co-worker, who I quickly became close friends with! (My bf’s two huskies. I’ve just loved that picture since I took it! I’ve never been loved by a dog more than the one in the back of this pic. Not even by my own! He has a special place in my heart.)

April was barbecues at my house or my bf’s, trying every brewery and bar around, hikes, bike rides, beach visits, baseball games, boat rides, late night cooking and baking. It was lots and lots of love and happiness and I would give absolutely anything to go back to those days. (My brother and bf grilling on Easter. This was a familiar scene, I have so many pictures of this exact scenario, yet looking at it just now made me so emotional! Stop! They’re just grilling!) May was so exciting! Very first day I got a new car! I was so happy! It was long overdue because my finicky, expensive Volkswagen had to go and I’d fallen in love with the new Honda Civic (I’ll admit I have basic taste but I don’t care!) so I finally bit the bullet and did it. This month my bf and I, after a long time of “oh wouldn’t it be nice!”, bit the bullet as well and decided to finally get serious about finding a place together. So the apartment search started, but we soon realized our home, Orange County, was super expensive. My bf, in that “ha ha jk but I’m down if you are” way, suggested we pick up and move to Oregon and I immediately agreed. It just felt right and despite us being the most careful and non-spontaneous people ever, we decided to do it! So we began to research, look for apartments but most importantly, jobs. (My car the day I took it home!)

Uhhhhhh, well, June hurts to think about! We went to visit Portland, where we decided we’d want to live because that’s where the jobs were, on a quick trip since it was strictly “business.” Portland was everything I imagined and more. We loved it and I think we loved playing house in our airbnb more than anything about the city. Back in LAX we came to the easy conclusion that though we lived Portland, that’d require a lot and for our first time moving out we’d like to stay close to home and above anything else, we just wanted to live together as soon as possible. We immediately started to look for places in LA, we spent the month apartment hunting, and towards the end of it, decided on one we really liked, one he begged me to please say yes to so we can move in already. I was so, so, so happy this month but what made me happier was seeing my bf, I swear, even happier than me. I seriously felt unstoppable and was beyond excited for our future. (I had a lot of Portland pictures to choose from but my bf and I liked this one because it reminded us of Always Sunny for some reason.)

In July, everything changed. To start, I left my job. I thought, new chapter in my life, new job coming, I’ll live really far, I should leave now. So I did. My last day was an emotional day because I loved my job so much and every single person I worked with. That very same day, my bf and I broke up. For unrelated reasons to my last day, to our moving in, to our relationship, etc. We had an amazing, amazing relationship but he has a lot of demons and issues/insecurities he has to deal with and conquer, and though I was aware and was there for him and would continue to be by his side no matter what, he decided that this was a battle he had to handle by himself and I figure before he got into a more committed situation. It didn’t have to happen, though. I hadn’t talked about the specifics of the breakup on my blog so  sorry for changing the mood of the post, but yeah, July happened and it felt like my world stopped. Really regret quitting my job now, huh? I was hit by two huge losses and changes right at the same time.  (I took this on my friend’s boat 20 tequila shots in, drunk and sad as fuck. Not to get fake deep but how sad. Literally on a boat, beautiful sunset, would rather die.)

August was a blur and I’m still not convinced I didn’t just dream it. God, alright, here we go, the rest of the year is a mess so get ready. I fell into a deep depression fast. It also didn’t help that my dad had to start getting radiation/infusions for his illness shortly after the breakup. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed. I started dating someone else and then I dated another guy shortly after. I wanted to replace and/or forget and I really thought that’d be the solution. I was miserable when I was with them. I took absolutely any opportunity to get really drunk or high, and the opportunity came often so I spent most of my days desperately trying to not feel anything. The only time I’d feel okay was when I was extremely high and I couldn’t even think. Since I had a lot of savings for my out of state move, I had a lot of money to blow, which I did. I realized I even liked the feeling of the temporary “high” of spending a lot and receiving the stuff. I’d hang out with any friend who offered (out of boredom? loneliness?) and even ended up on a mess of a Vegas trip. Worst month ever. Maybe. (Here’s a positive! I like that bathing suit and my tiddie looks so round!)

When September came I realized two months had passed and all I had done was be a huge depressed mess. I no joke forgot about work. I just straight up forgot. I started to look for a new job, which hurt me so bad because I had to face the fact that it wouldn’t be my Cool LA Dream Job anymore. I stopped dating. Most importantly, I completely stopped drinking and smoking because it’d almost always make me sadder but also it scared me that I had no self control nor did I care. I saw a whole lot of my close friends and they, along with my immediate family, kept me afloat this month because time felt like it was going so fast. I couldn’t believe that at a blink of an eye it was night again and then a new day. Time had no mercy for me, please let me hold on. (Me at a baseball game. Tbh I’m looking at this thinking, did this really happen?)

October started out nice because my best friend of years, who I unfortunately had a falling out with three years ago, reached out to me. I’ll always give her all of the credit for doing that. I can’t begin to explain what this meant to me. It was a nice, bright shine of light that managed to shine through the dark clouds. Having my best friend is exactly what I needed. I’m a big believer in the universe acting in mysterious ways and though I had grown disappointed in its little surprise for me lately, this was the kind I always appreciate. I spent a good part of that month with her, catching up and doing things just like we did back then. It was like nothing had changed. That’s all I remember about this month, and a super fun Halloween! That day was probably one of the best days in months. (My best friend Rylee and me the first time seeing each other in 3 years. We’ve had our blogs for 8-9 years so please follow her for quality content)

November was rough. I was frustrated because surely things should had been better by then. I was still feeling so low, I was going to job interviews to no avail, I “relapsed” and had a high/drunk off my ass on a boat messy moment.. To make matters worse, I accidentally drove up on a cement divider in a parking lot and my airbags deploy, which is so expensive to fix, so my car was out of commission for a month. Then I got so sick and I rarely ever get a small cold. I seriously felt like I was cursed, even the smallest thing felt like an insult towards me. The one good thing is that since July I had been forcing myself to go to the gym five times a week. My mom said exercising was the only thing that’d help her feel that sweet release of seretonin, endorphins, dopamine, and all that good stuff when she was depressed so, though I enjoyed going to the gym before, I did it just for that reason alone. It worked and as another result I got like pretty fucking fit. Revenge body, you’re one of the few good things in my life right now. (I literally had no idea what to choose so I said fine, here’s a pic of the scene of the crime. Whatever.)

In December I turned 26. Which I hate, naturally. I went to a million more job interviews. I’m seriously so embarrassed to admit that but whatever, it’s the truth. (I have a degree, experience, and an awesome cover letter..I’ll keep blaming the curse!) What kept me sane was that we had different family members visiting from the very beginning of the month. Playing with an energetic, adorable baby kept me distracted and happy. Having so much company around also distracted me (slightly, but it helped!) from the fact that the holidays and my birthday would be quite different now. I’m one of those annoying Christmas lovers, usually at least. This year everything just happened and I didn’t care. But I survived December! (I don’t care. This is the appropriate representation of 2018 and how I feel at the end of it.)

Jesus if you’ve read all of this.. I’m sorry you had to read about the mess of my year but really more like the mess that is ME. Yknow those like “people my age I went to HS with vs me” memes? I seriously went from being that bitch with a good paying job, brand new car, a serious, great relationship with a promising future together (Like. We would color coordinate outfits! LMAO. We would have dinners with both of our families together. We were obsessed with each other. You’d roll your eyes if you saw any of this. I can’t get over how perfect we were, it’s hilarious what happened to us.) and then at the blink of an eye I went to not having absolutely any of that, casually dating (something I’d NEVER done) anyone who resembled my ex and sadly and drunkenly puking off the side of a pier. Who is she? I don’t know, I got whiplash. (Queen of parentheses and side notes, I know. But another thing about me is... I’ve never been affected by people leaving my life. I’m used to it. I’ve never been anywhere as affected as I was when my ex and I broke up. This isn’t normal for me, my ENTJ/Capricorn ass doesn’t know what this feeling is.)

Please curse that has been put on me, release me. Whoever is attacking my voodoo doll, calm down! Please! I’ve gone through enough sadness and loss. If 2019 is even slightly as bad, I’m going to be like that pigeon I reblogged the other day that’s like “fuck this I’m just going to sit here.” I can’t even make a cute but corny, hopeful “hope 2019 is great!” comment. I’m literally begging you...pleading you... I don’t believe in karma but after all of this shit, I better have something much better in stock for me. “Good things are coming!” I fucking hope so. Like, I’ll be even more annoying right now and say that it’s not fair that I didn’t get to have the future I was about to have. I don’t care about any cliche you may have for me. One door closes, everything happens for a reason, God has a plan, etc. No. Why did all of this have to happen? What can be better than the future I was going to have? I felt so unlucky. It all feels like a nightmare and I’m just waiting to feel whole again. Oh shit I got really intense. I know I’ll get over it and life will be good again eventually but for now, I am still so mad. I would have never in a million years guessed this is how my 2018 would go. 

So fine, I’ve accepted things now, so now I’m impatient and say please prove me wrong, 2019. I’m THREATENING you to be amazing!

[ahnsael]

The following is a cross-post from Facebook. And I’m sorry to those of you who read it. I usually save stuff like this for here, but...this one is serious.

But I’m still sorry to those who will not like what I’m about to say.

During the past few days, I've woken up to my heart pounding. Not as hard as it was before I was admitted to the hospital, but...hard enough to make me worry. I do NOT want to go back to the hospital if I can avoid it. And, while they said they would likely cover the cost of my last visit, who knows if it would be the same outcome this time?

I'm not nearly as bad as I was, but...I was also 36 hours or less from death last time I checked in (granted, I felt worse than I do now for about a week before I went so I may just be being paranoid about how I feel since it's only been a couple days).  'm not nearly as bad as I was, but...I was also 36 hours or less from death last time I checked in to the hospital (granted, I felt worse than I do now for about a week before I went so I may just be being paranoid about how I feel since it's only been a couple days).

And...this is the part that most of you were probably hoping I wouldn't go to. I have SUCKED at life lately. My bar at the casino (I'm the bar manager) has had a couple changes in reps for the distributors I have. And they both SUCK at their jobs. My orders aren't coming in as I place them...they're delivering things I didn't order, and not delivering things that I DID order. Even when he's called out on it.

All this said...I've put in for some vacation time at the end of February, because I need a break. Badly. And I don't know if a week will be enough, but it’s what I have to use. I told my boss, when he initially interviewed me, that I have a tendency to work my ass off for a while (it's been about a year and a half now of me working my ass off), and then I need a break. I need that break right now. I've worked my ass off for a while, and I've earned this vacation time (and I have to use it by July or I lose it), and...our bar procedures have changed since I've taken it over. So I still have to stress about how things might go wring while I’m gone on a vacation.

But...I still feel like I suck at the job, because we keep running out of staples at the bar. And here is the morbid part...

My health isn't what it should be. The fact that my heart is beating so hard again (as it was when I had a blood count of 3...it's not beating as hard as it was, but it IS beating hard again) scares the crap out of me. Between that, plus the recurring issue with my health since they couldn't find a cause, plus being overly depressed as I quit smoking (with the patch, which itches every moment it's on my arm, and I can't even scratch it because the plastic patch prevents scratching, and I'm worried about how red my arm gets under it when I wear it -- it's working, for the most part, but...it's also actually painful to wear), and all the other issues...I've started wondering if it's worth it.

I mean, I'm not going to TRY to end myself. But...I don't know if I want to fight so hard as I did last time if it comes to a head.

Hopefully it won't. I'm still trying to take vitamin supplements and eat the right foods and do what I can to make things work.

But...if I end up at the end of the rope again...I'm so sorry to say this to those of you who have been my friends for so long, I...may let go of the rope. I just know that I cannot afford to have another extended stay in the hospital (unless they cover my expenses again -- which they may, but...not knowing is rough).

I just don't know if I'm strong enough to keep this up. I want to fight, but...I don't know if my heart can take it. I don’t know if I have the fight in me anymore.

And honestly, I just don't see anything in my future that makes it worth trying. I make less now than I did in the early-to-mid-90s. I see no path towards being independent and having my own place, and suddenly my health is an issue.

At this point, I just see myself literally working myself to death, and then being done.

I haven't had a relationship in almost 10 years. I haven't been important to anyone in ages (okay, I know some of you who will read this will consider me important to you, but...IN PERSON, I've not been important to anyone in quite a few years).

You know when the last time I have had a good hug was? Neither do I. You know the last time I got a chance to cry on someone's shoulder? Neither do I. You know the last time I had romantic companionship? Well, that one I know...it was in November of 2008. But it was a very non-personal visit. She and I were both over each other, apparently, when I visited her in New York (I was still very much into her, at first, but...she spent most of the time arguing with her boss over the phone, and the rest of the time sleeping, and it did not feel like a romantic relationship at all, and not something I remember fondly -- the last relationship before that, where I actually thought things might work, was in 1997, but that ended in a Christmas Eve "Dear John" email).

So...what the hell am I still doing here if I’m 43 and still haven’t found love?

I mean...if life works out, it works out. But my life has been nothing but a struggle since I've been 7 years old, when my parents separated. My dad bailed out (never paid child support -- and even when he knew he was dying, in the late 2000s, he tried to make peace with me -- but only spoke about the kid he adopted to replace me, and then wouldn't speak to me over email -- my older sis said he only wanted public conversations on facebook, because apparently he wanted other people to see him making up with me to punch his ticket to Heaven but even if Heaven is real, there's no freaking way he made it after the way he treated me during his life...and if he DID make it, I would rather end up ANYWHERE but where he is).

I'm tired. I'm tired of work. I'm tired of life. I'm tired of my responsibilities, when even my dad couldn't live up to his own (granted, my responsibilities are less, as I have no kids).

And I know this post is morbid. And I apologize for that. I promise, I'm not looking for any of you to somehow save me. Either I'll make it, or I won't. I posted this on facebook before I posted it here, because...I have good friends on both sites, and while, as I said, I’m not looking for anyone to save be (because I have no clue how I would save anyone else in my situation), I do want you to know where I’m at mentally).

But I truly don't expect any of you to say just the right thing. It all depends on what comes next, and what happens next with me and my health. My boss had another manager tell me that he wanted to have a meeting with me on Thursday, but then he never had the meeting with me after I braced for it all day. I honestly don't know what comes next. I may just look for a new job, where there is better insurance and pay. I may just give up. I mean, I know that's the coward's way out, but I cannot rule it out at this point. Or I may try to find some middle ground, though I have no idea what middle ground would work at this point.

But...those of you who are my friends here, I wanted you to know where I'm at. It's not a good place. And it's not all related to quitting smoking and the depression that comes with that. It's also related to everything else that has been going on with me, which continues to go on. No matter how much I wanted to fight, the heavy heartbeats tell me that I'm going back to where I was before the emergency room visit. Again, they're not as bad as they were before, but...they're heavy enough to make me think I may be in danger of being close to death again.

If I do disappear, and stop posting altogether (those who know me that I rarely go more than a few days without posting), then please know that I love you. Especially those of you who have stuck with me through all sorts of ups and downs over the years.

I honestly don't know what comes next. Hopefully I'm overreacting to a temporary thing, but...other times I thought I was overreacting, and it turned out that I was right (this happened with a sign falling at the casino a year or so ago, and also when my boss ordered me to the emergency room a few weeks ago).

Other managers have said I could leave if I needed to since coming back, because "you know your body better than I do," but...I literally had to be ordered to the emergency room. So obviously, I don't know my body that well.

And next week, I’m back on solo swing shifts. With no backup. So I have no choice but to power through. I don’t know how that will go.

But, after that last experience, I now know that I may be close again based on my heart rate (and not just the rate, but...the intensity of the beats).

But maybe it'll be easier to just give up than to fight it. I mean, what do I have in my future? I have no clue. I mean...I literally have nothing to look forward to.

So....what do I have to stick around for? Not that I WANT things to end, but...what reason do I have to fight to stay around?

I mean, I'm not looking to end things intentionally.

But...if my health just isn't strong enough to keep me alive, why saddle my family with a bunch of unneeded debt in an effort to put off the inevitable? I REALLY don’t want to put my family (nor any of you, if I’m honest), through me no longer being around. I don’t mean to be so morbid, but I’m scared as hell right now.. I don’t know what is in my future...as far as my health and as far as work, as much as I’ve absolutely sucked at my job since my health started going south.

I feel like everything’s falling apart around me (and inside of me). I don’t know what’s coming next. I hope t’s not as bad as I think, but...it could be And if it IS that bad, please know that I love all of you. I know I have not yet gotten to all of you with persona messages of how much you have meant to me, but...if I follow you, I care about you very much.

I literally just had a friend who has followed me for years message me, and I felt SO bad acting like everything was normal. Because I know it’s not. And I truly do hope I am around tomorrow to watch the video to which she pointed me.

I’m just...so scared right now...combined with the acceptance than I may be close to death. It’s a strange combination, but...when I was in my car wreck in the mid-2000s, it was amazing to wake up after hitting my head on the steering wheel, realize I was upside down because my car was on its roof, and realize that the next car who came along could have killed me. if they had hit me, I was gone.

Somehow, that didn’t happen. As many other times I probably should have died didn’t happen. Maybe this time, it won’t happen either.

But...I’ve never been this scared before of being near the end, except a couple weeks ago when I found out I was less than 36 hours from death at that time.I wan’ts even this scared when I was in an upside-down car in the middle of a freeway in L.A. I truly hope I’ll be sticking around, but...I honestly don’t know at this point.

I honestly love you all. Even the one I just followed back  last night after you followed me a few days ago. You are amazing people, and you have enriched the life I’ve had.

I honestly hope that this life will continue, but...I’m truly scared right now that it may not, based on how much I’ve felt my heart in my chest the last two days. I was apparently very close to heart failure a couple weeks ago. And it doesn’t feel that close now, but...I could be wrong.

So please, everyone who has known me here, know that I love you. And I truly do hope to love you for a long time to come (as in, stay alive to keep loving you). But, if that isn’t in my future, know now that you are literally the reasons I’ve stayed alive for as long as I have. I hope to stay alive a bit longer, but...if I don’t, please know that I love you unconditionally.

[thorndale-industries]

Ariadne and Theseus - Chapter 3

Gillian sensed the shift in her partner's mood as he put his hands at his waist and raised his head like a scolding teacher - the silently humming projectors perfectly displayed every single of his emotions, even if they were yet so subtle. His emerald green eyes glanced at the Welsh CEO, squinted, and for a short moment it seemed like the cold from the summer rain outside embraced them both like an unwelcomed blanket. Tick tock, tick tock, only the soft ticking of her mechanical watch disrupted the meaningful silence between them - desperately tried to sync the two beating hearts again. She knew he never took it well when someone dared to disagree with him or gave him the feeling of being wrong, even if it was his own wife, but she was one of the few chosen ones he never got mad at. And she knew he actually considered what she proposed. Gillian looked at her visitor from Hong Kong, over her shoulder, and wondered what he was thinking right now. Was he on the same side? Or was he trying to find a way to get back to his own plan?

The loud cracking of the artificial logs in the fireplace seemed to bring the man back to reality, as he moved his stiff neck to the source of the disturbance and decided to stand right next to her.

"Very well, we might find good use for them after all, even if it's just mundane lab work. Perhaps we can just use them for the biochip development, since Sarif is known to hire only the best. How... convenient for us." Page brushed over his lips with his right thumb.

"I might have an idea how to arrange this."

His voice was warm and sedative as always, even through the speakers in her office. It was strange to see him at her side, yet hearing his voice coming from somewhere else - something she never got used to, something that highly irked her, and obviously the biggest flaw of this technology. An imperfect machine. As he finished his sentence, her slender fingers started to twitch, and her mind immediately looked for a possible solution how to fix ...

"Are you listening?"

"Of course, please continue. Pardon, my mind went somewhere else." Her expression remained stoic and emotionless. Like a puppet mechanically saying the words it was programmed to do.

"I noticed."

The tone of his words was not upset or angry, but barely worried his counterpart did not pay the attention this delicate matter required. He knew how her mind was wired, and if he could, he would place his hand on her shoulder and squeeze it gently, reassuring. Instead, he plainly nodded. Gillian's eyes returned to the cityscape of London, shrouded in dark clouds and a grey curtain - a welcomed distraction for her mind. Her partner stepped to the side to stand directly behind her and follower her gaze over her shoulder. His hands slowly slid into the soft pockets of his well-tailored suit. For a short moment, she asked herself how perfect the illusion of the city he had to witness must be.

"We could simply extend our previous plan and use the FEMA camp as a temporary station. We will let the Tyrants depot the sedated scientists there and prepare the further departure. One simple call to Joseph, and all should be arranged within seconds. As far as I know, there should be enough cryopods present. The Revised Homeland Security Act should come in handy."

"We also need him to silence the local police department and to lead the occurring investigation into our desired direction." With her free arm resting on her back, the woman turned around to directly look into the eyes of the barely taller man. "I have to admit I am uncertain regarding Manderley's competence. McCann has not been silenced yet. A matter which should have been taken care of a long time ago."

"Who?"

"A local police officer who investigates missing people in Detroit. The people which are at the FEMA camp, pending for transportation. He might become a future annoyance and I already told Manderley about him." Thorndale sighed loudly and pinched the bridge of her nose, directly under her glasses. "Robert, if we really want to do this, every single part in the chain needs to be sturdy and firm. No failure is allowed, and I fear Manderley might be a weak link."

"Let this be my worry, since he is my subordinate. Don't puzzle your precious brain, dearest." The ginger tilted his head and placed an encouraging smile on his pale face. "And if he should happen to break, we will have someone to throw under the bus. But trust me, Manderley is like a dog who needs a firm hand. He is too scared to not do as we please."

Gillian thoroughly looked at every single motion the holographic face made - she knew his smile was not fake, compared to the overwhelming amount of moments when it was. But not here, not with her. She tried her best to return it as warmly as possible. "If you say so." Without any other response, she walked right through the projection and emptied the second round of her tea. The loud clong, with which she places the mug back on her desk, proclaimed that their extensive forging of a plan reached a new state. Her fingers ran through her short white hair, pulled it back, as she watched Page turn to her.

"Glad you agree, Gillian. But I think that we might have another problem. I assume Sarif has some sort of counter insurance in case one of his treasured geniuses happens to go rouge."

"Correct. According to the files from the server, everyone in Reed's team has an GPL implant."

The man furrowed his brow and immediately stopped as a sharp pain reminded him that there was something new, an obstacle, on his forehead, and not completely healed.

"Everyone? Even the non-augmented?"

"Everyone." She confirmed with a nod. "The only officially augmented member is Vasili Sevchenko, he's responsible for the Typhoon. Irrelevant if you ask me, but his knowledge on human/machine interfaces might be practical to us."

"Well, well, I curious to know whether those people are aware of those chips or not." He playfully whistled out loud. "Interesting to see how eagerly Sarif declines all of Lucius's offers, yet he acts no better than us. I would like to see that part in the fine print of the working contract. Besides, everyone is irrelevant besides Reed."

"A pawn tactically sacrificed can still be useful."

The room remained quiet for a while, and the rain drops where louder than ever before. With every moment which passed, the impervious sky got darker and the force of the storm increased. A furious God, looking down on the unworthy and punishing those who dared to look up. Thorndale closed her eyes as she took place on the edge of her desk again. She enjoyed such moments of calm, where no words had to be exchanged and everyone involved knew about the importance of their actions. In moments like these, they dunked their pens in ink made out of the blood of those who had to be sacrificed - ready to write a new chapter of history. She smiled.

"Speaking of pawns, I know how to get rid of the GPLs. At least temporarily." Her oddly coloured eyes returned to meet with those of her partner. His voice was clear and confident, as he reached into the inside pockets of his grey suit. Click, the luxurious lighter in his hands was ignited, and another click when it was closed again. Fascinated be the detailed projection of the cigarette smoke, Gillian tilted her head.

"Doesn't have the FEMA facility have a medical wing? Let's order Sandoval there. He can try to remove or at least disable them for the transport to RBS, and then our scientists there will take of the rest."

"Taggart's little butler?" Her tone was confused, yet the promising smile stayed. If Page could, he would have taken a seat next to her so they could share their poison just like they loved to do.

"He is a specialist on augmentation removal, is he not? Since he and Taggart survived due to unfortunate intervention, we should continue to make use of them as long as we can. In addition to this, he is in Washington. Detroit is not that far away, he should arrive in time if we speedily get out plan underway."

"I like the sound of that. But Savage won't be there to do the procedure."

"We will talk about that later. I will tell Namir to take care of that. It seems like the presence of our attack dog always made Sandoval amusingly nervous."

Gillian chuckled and covered her mouth with her left hand. "You find amusement in the weirdest things, Robert. Very well, you take care of the Tyrants. I will arrange everything with RBS and Omega Ranch, specially with Darrow, since it's all his place now."

She brushed over her red lips again and softly chewed on her lower one. She was inwardly relieved that this matter had been taken care of, but she knew that there was a long way from planning a move on the chessboard to actually moving the figures - her mind would not rest until every single one would stand where it was supposed to be. Wood knocking on wood, slowly moving. To her great pleasure it was just a matter of hours this time, and not of days or even years like the old Patriarch preferred. Sitting on his throne on top of the highest mountain, with his astonishing outlook - seeing things a long time before they even appear on the map. Or perhaps his sight was unclear, blurred because of the clouds surrounding him. A man sitting there for so long, never leaving, that he might have lost the touch to everything beneath him. Slowly she raised her right arm to look at the little watch on her wrist. 605 Seconds. 4:16 PM. They have talked privately 10 minutes now. A satisfying amount so far.

Attack dog... . Gillian glanced over her office again, over the chessboard, and as her mind recapped Page's words, she unconsciously clung to the sight of their sleeping dog. Cerberus...

Startled by the sudden connection, the woman jerked her head back to her husband and gasped. "There is something else I need to tell you. God, I nearly forgot about it. Forgive me."

"Your mind is too occupied with the current matter, as always". Softly chuckling, the ginger approached her and his hologram stopped right before her. She lifted her head to look him into his eyes again. "What is it, dearest?"

"Something relatively small compared of what we just talked about." She made a gesture like if she was throwing away a piece of paper. "But did not we discuss the subject of you and securing your connections just a week ago?". Swiftly she escaped to the side, stopped right next to him just a few inched away, smirking, and swung her right pointer finger in a scolding way. "Someone here was not paying attention to my lessons."

The culprit raised his hands in defence, his green eyes wide open and a wide smile revealed his perfectly straight teeth. "Wait, do you mean that...?!"

"There has been a bug in your line. I have terminated it, but I can't tell how much information it got. It was programmed to be activate as soon as your connection showed any activity."

Page shrugged, unimpressed, but there was a hint of anger he failed to suppressing his movement, as his nostrils widened for a second and his right eyebrow started to twitch. An outrageous provocation directed at the self-proclaimed king, as the dirty hands of a peasant had the daring to scratch on the golden door. An insult which needed to be prosecuted and Robert could feel how his disgust started to rise. And the pale tone on his face yield to a dark red one. The calm see became rough out of the sudden. He does not make such pathetic mistakes. Quickly he reached for his golden lighter again - click, clack, click, clack. His soft thumb stroke the cold, even metal - opened and closed it in a regular rhythm. Grinding his teeth, he continued to create this odd melody in both offices and with every click the storm slowly broke open. Often just a yet so subtle change on the atmosphere was enough to tip his balance.

"Robert." Gillian's warm voice reached out to him like a lighthouse in the dark."Calm down, I will take of it and find the one who is responsible." He looked directly into her eyes, his jaw hurt painfully. "I have tracked it down to Hengsha. And we both know who runs the executive there. No one will even notice when a filthy hacker will disappear from the crowded streets. Perhaps the Harvester will finally turn them into something useful."

The man simply hummed and put his lighter back into the warm pocket, right at his rapidly beating heart. "I trust you. But if you don't mind, I would like to change the topic." He took a deep drag of his cigarette and exhaled loudly.

"Of course. What do you want to talk about?"

With his sweaty, cold hand the CEO ran over his face before stretching his tensed limbs. "Savage. As you hopefully remember I ordered him back to Hong Kong for a personal talk regarding our OCM project."

"Yes. Every second he is separated from that bloody Kavanagh will help us. Next week, correct?"

"Correct." He chuckled. "I want you to be there. But I don't suppose you will make it in time so we can watch our little puppets attack...?"

Gillian returned the chuckle, relieved the little outburst of his has disappeared as quickly as it has appeared. "Robert, even if I would run to the helipad right now, I wouldn't make it. It's still a ten hours flight. And there are still things I need to arrange."

"I know, I know. Just a thought."

"We can celebrate our triumph tomorrow, I promise you."

A promising, cocky smirk decorated his face as he came one step closer to his wife, his voice low. "Maybe we can re-watch the recordings while enjoying some exquisite liquor?"

Gillian leaned it and smiled back at him and whispered: "I like the sound of that." Suddenly she stepped back, escaped his vicinity and turned herself to the window once again. 4:23. "But don't you think we should ensure that we have something to celebrate? Let's end this conversation and get the things on their way. We can talk when it's time."

The tall man did not dissent - he simply nodded as his projection dissolved, leaving the CEO of Thorndale Industries alone in her office.

[tellemanca]

PENN STATION, THE DAY BEFORE.

DECEMBER 10TH, 2007. One day before JOHN FOUND CLARISSA.

The tired 17– almost 18 – year old girl was curled up on her corner on the bench, head gently tucked under her pack. Tomorrow morning, she told herself, she would get a hot sub to make up for the missing meals for the last two days. She just had to hold out with her limited cash flow.

Telling herself tomorrow had always worked, but it was hard when it was a night like this; cold, quiet… Even the station was unusually deserted. The jacket was tugged tighter around her small frame and her head nuzzled against her bag, pinpointing the exact location of her teddy bear inside the bag and managing to fall asleep easily.

      Young lady, excuse me, I know you’re tired, but I need you to wake up now…. Clarissa, wake up, darling.

Bolting awake, she whimpered as she glanced around her, gaining her bearings. She was still in the station and the only person near her was a neatly dressed man reading a newspaper. Glancing at the large clock, it was half past 3 in the morning.

     Hello, Clarissa.

Terrified, Clari whipped her head around to find no one had spoken, but the man had settled his newspaper into his lap and was looking at her with a warm smile. He looked like he would be the one with the British voice

It’s alright, darling. I’m just like you. Relax your mind, I’m not going to hurt you. The man waved his hand gently and Clarissa shyly returned it.

                                                             How– I don’t understand–

       It’s alright, I can explain. Everything. Are you hungry? There’s a diner a few blocks away that is still open, I will pay if you wish to hear me out. Maybe we can get you a warm bed for the rest of the night, hmm?

Clarissa tensed, a million different scenarios going through her head, most prominently was her experience with men who offered her a bed for the night. They usually thought it was fair exchange over paying her.

      No, darling. You misunderstand me. I don’t wish to hire you for a night. I wish to give you the opportunity to escape this life, and settle yourself into something better… Where you’ll be safe.

Carefully, the man tucked his newspaper into his bag and stood, crossing slowly towards her with his hand extended.

“You are talented, darling. You do not need to fear me, or fear any man ever again. Let me get you some food and we can speak openly, verbally or non-verbally, about what I can do to help you.”  His voice was calming. And though she still had reservations, the mental image of a man in a suit cornering her in the locker-room all those years ago. The man seemed to tense at her thought, his teeth gritting. “You should have never had that happen to you. I apologize for how that man scared you. You were a child and you should have been offered safety. You still are a child… In fact…” He reached into his pocket, pulling his wallet out and offering her the photo of a smiling toothy blonde girl, a few years younger than Clarissa. “You remind me of my own daughter. Her name is Cassandra.” She is like us as well. And very smart. I’m sure you two would get along well.

Clarissa swallowed tightly, trying to do her mind trick and see what he was really up to. His mind resisted at first before it bent, letting her in to see the truth in his words. The small girl, being levitated around a nice house, giggling about being super girl while the man chuckled as he held her up. I swear on my daughter’s life. I will not hurt you, Clarissa.

Backing out of his mind carefully, still unsure of how that trick worked, she glanced back at his hand which was still extended out to her and carefully put hers into it. Noting how dirty her hand was, fingernails with dirt under them and jagged from chewing to stop the hunger pains against a clean and well manicured hand. For a moment, she wondered what it would be like to have nice nails again… To be as well groomed as the man in front of her.

“What’s… What’s your name, sir?” She asked, her voice a little rough from lack of use. It was probably the first sentence she had spoken in a week. “My name is Hugh Bathory. You can call me either, if you’d like.” Helping her stand, his other hand pocketed his wallet before carefully scooping her bag onto his arm, like he knew it contained the last shreds of her life.

      Come along, I think I would like eggs benedict. How about you? Pancakes with sausage?

Clarissa allowed herself a small smile before feeling a very familiar tug to her body as he teleported them out of the station and into a new life.

Mr. Bathory explained everything about her powers as they ate (for 4 am, the pancakes were exceptional, and he didn’t seem to judge her lack of attention when they had arrived, only advising her to eat it slowly while he took a sip of his coffee and asked for a refill of her hot chocolate). He explained that she was a product of evolution, and she was special, even for their species. She was a Tomorrow Person, and she was a telekinetic specialist. Classified as a pusher with fine dexterity.

  (Taking the salt shaker, he uncapped it and poured a pile on the table. “Now, put the salt back, Clarissa. With your powers.” Clari had looked at him, wondering how he knew she could do this– before carefully moving pinches of the salt back into the shaker; a telekinetic hand sweeping the excess into her real hand and carefully funneling back in that excess. Mr. Bathory had laughed, clapping his hands. “Wonderful, Clarissa! You are a true telekinetic specialist!)

And finally, he explained Ultra. The same company that the man in the locker-room had tried to force her to go to. And Mr. Bathory was VERY adamant that the man was in the wrong and that she very much had a choice. She could come to work with him and learn to control her powers, OR she would receive a shot– a tracer, not a remover – that would help him keep an eye on her and she was free to go. “You can stay with us for a week, see what we do, and if you change your mind, I’ll give you the tracer, and you are free to leave.” He had said.

It sounded fair enough. Clarissa thought.

After he paid for their meal, he had teleported (that was the word for it) her to a very nice hotel with two private bedrooms and bathrooms, offering her privacy.

That first real shower… Clarissa had forgotten what her skin had felt and looked like… And forgotten how pretty her hair was. Mr. Bathory had left her a pair of soft cotton pajamas on her bed when she had gotten out. (They are my daughter’s, you are both the same size I believe. Which also brings me to having you see a doctor if you’d like. You need to be looked after until we can bring your weight back up to what it was before you broke out.)

Clarissa almost didn’t believe that she had this huge bed all to herself, or that the PJs were clean and fresh on her skin. She had even found a beautiful brush that she was hesitant to run through her hair, but then did so vigilantly, using the hair dryer to leave her hair falling down her back in soft waves. Warm and clean, she had glanced around the room, still in a state of disbelief.

Quietly, she stepped out into the living room of the suite to see Mr. Bathory typing on a very expensive computer, reading over reports as she approached his side. Looking up, he beamed.

“You already look improved, darling. Why don’t you go to bed and sleep as long as you like. I will be here if you need me.”

Clarissa couldn’t help herself, overcome with emotion and tears pricking the corner of her eyes before she leaned down and wrapped her arms around the older man’s shoulders, hugging him– hugging someone for the first time in YEARS– Thank you.

      You’re welcome, darling. You’re welcome. You deserve to live like a princess. And you will.

Mr. Bathory was true to his word and was there when she woke up after a very long sleep, offering her a cup of tea and an omelette, though it was half past noon. He even had gotten her new clothes… Well, his daughter’s clothes, temporary for now.

That afternoon, he took her to the Ultra building in Battery Park, giving her a guided tour and introducing her to Hillary, a younger girl who had lost her family to a home invasion. Hillary took to Clarissa like a duck to water, the two girls laughing and teasing each other after an hour. It was then she also met Dr. Jedikiah Price, who was a human, but was confident in his ability to train Tomorrow People.

His mind was closed off, but Clarissa didn’t try to pry. Dr. Price seemed hesitant on accepting her into his program, even with the caveat of the one week trial. But he agreed, leading her, Hillary and Mr. Bathory to the dorms, where she was offered a space all for herself with a window of the street. Hillary was in the room next door. Dr. Price explained all of the different things in the room, showing Clarissa how to access the computer built into a desk cabinet, how to call for someone in an emergency and the power suppressor on her door, explaining this was used in case of emergency, or if she teleported in her sleep. The white walls of the dorm were bare, but Hillary ‘whispered’ that they could go poster shopping for her later if she wanted, causing Mr. Bathory to give a twitch of a smile.

Giving her the keycard for her room that would also be attached to her ID, Dr. Price left her to settle in while Mr. Bathory reached into her bag, pulling out her teddy bear– which had been gently cleaned without her knowledge, and placed it gently against the pillow of the bed, setting her bag down in the corner. “Here is where I leave you, darling. You will be safe here. Remember, if you don’t like it here after the week, you will be free to go.” Clarissa launched herself at him, giving him a tight hug which he was quick to return, kissing the top of her head. “You and I will be very good friends, Clarissa. I can feel it in my heart.” Bidding her goodbye, he left the room, Hillary quickly stepping in to show off her dorm room to Clarissa and helping her find a basket of essential shower items, showing her where the clean linens were and where to drop the dirtied ones, and where to go when she needed a little spending money since while they were underage, they weren’t legally paid yet.

The week was hard, but Clarissa immediately loved it. Every morning she had breakfast with Hillary in the meal room, the younger girl keeping prying questions from reaching Clarissa. Then they went to morning training, where their instructor was careful with her, letting her test her limits with minimal pushing.

Clearly impressed by her telekinetic manipulations, he let her sit and watch the rest of the lesson. Telepathy training was rough, but no one was mad at her for not being overly good at it. (“Everyone has a specialty, but everyone also has one they just aren’t as good at as the others. It’s okay.”) Teleportation training was… well, it was fun, the instructor bounced a ball and Clarissa would teleport to try and catch it where it landed. She even liked fight training, and was paired against Hillary since they were they same height. The other girl had more training and more weight on her and was competitive. Something Clarissa had seemed to forgotten. By the end of their match, they were both laughing about how Hillary had thrown Clarissa against the ceiling and Clarissa had decided to stay there, refusing to come down while also poking Hillary with a telekinetic finger.

Dr. Price had a doctor come see her on the second night, leading her down to a lab where she was weighed, measured and had blood samples taken. She was also given a flu shot and a few vaccines not unusual for her age (she was told most colleges required these for their dorming students and they were no different) and was given a few bottles of vitamins to take before breakfast, the doctor telling her with a kind smile that they would be giving her protein soy shakes with her breakfast to help her build muscle and weight. Between training was relaxation time where the young agents could go out into the world or stay in and peruse a small library, or study online classes for college credits. She went out with Hillary, for once experiencing New York, not as a homeless teenage prostitute, but as a young woman. They went and got coffee with a few of the other girls one day, and went to see a movie the other. It was nice. Hillary even told her that when they were of age, they could stay in the dorms, or they could have part of their pay cut to fund an apartment for them in an approved building.

In the end, after experiencing a week of Ultra for herself, Mr. Bathory returned, sitting her down with Dr. Price in his office. Dr. Price shook her hand when she said she’d stay, welcoming her aboard. Mr. Bathory could only smile and embrace her warmly, reminding her that she would be safe, and never want for anything while she was with them.

[briefbouquetcreatorlove-blog]

denver car insurance quotes

"denver car insurance quotes

denver car insurance quotes

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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I was driving my friend's car and got a speeding ticket with 4 points (later reduced to 2 points). I didn't have my friend's insurance or my insurance in the car, but the officer let that one go. The car was from another state, and my license was from a third state. How will this affect the insurance rate? Also, I am under 21 and do not have my own insurance (I am under my parent's insurance) Additionally, is it possible that this could affect my friend's insurance rate? Thanks for the help.""

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denver car insurance quotes

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""Does progressive car insurance, lower their rates for car insurance for people who turn 25?""

Does progressive car insurance, lower their rates for car insurance for people who turn 25?""

What is the cheapest car insurance in queens ny?

What is the cheapest car insurance in queens ny?

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I'm currently 16 with a 1990 Toyota Supra Turbo. Cheapest insurance ive looked up was 197$ a month... And that was with proggressive... Alot of the insurance places ive checked all require me to be 18.... Anyone know any cheaper place i could check?

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Is there an afforadable health insurance you can find for self-employed people?

Is there an afforadable health insurance you can find for self-employed people?

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Which car is best for a new driver with cheap insurance im 25 and a female?

Which car is best for a new driver with cheap insurance im 25 and a female?

What to do when you have lost your insurance documents?

i lost my life insurance documents what should be my next step

denver car insurance quotes

denver car insurance quotes

Second driver for my parents car insurance?

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Insurance on an el camino?

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""If I never had a car (or car insurance) before, do I need to buy car insurance before buying a car?""

So I'm getting ready to buy my first car. It's located in the next town over. But if I just go over and pay cash and get it, there wouldn't be any insurance on it. It's illegal to drive without insurance. Don't I need to drive without insurance first? If so, how would I explain to them that I don't exactly have a car yet?""

How much does high risk auto insurance cost?

How much does high risk auto insurance cost?

What is the Best & cheapest insurance in Texas?

I drive a 1989 Toyota Camry, I just go to and from school (less than 2 miles away) i only drive the car like Mon. & Wed. and yet i have to pay like 150 for car insurance, in 6 months of paying, i pay what my car is worth. So i wanted to know is there any cheap insurance i dont care if they suck or anything like that, i just want something below 100 dlls. so please tell me which insurance you use and how much you pay a month that would really help. Thank you in advance -Angela""

I am an 18 year old girl who has a mitsubishi eclipse gs no driving record what will my insurance cost?

i am a straight A student took drivers ed in high school

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My daughter wants me to put car insurance in my name?

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Whats the best place to get auto insurance from???

desperate for cheap good car ins. please help...

Insurance for a motorcycle in Toronto.?

I am an 18 year old Torontonian planning to get a new kawasaki ninja 250R. It would be a great help if someone can give me an idea of about how much it would cost me for the insurance coverage the ninja 250r. (Both basic as well as other plans.) I don't have a license yet which i am planning to get once i figure out everything.( the cost, insurance procedure etc etc.) Here in toronto, we don't have the luxury to ride two wheelers year round because we have so called the FRIGID TEMPERATURE during the winter. Do i still have to pay insurance during the winter regardless the fact dat i won't be able to ride my ninja during the winter?""

Insurance on 1965 Ford Mustang?

What would it cost annually in Texas for a 16 year old? Any info on other years (66-68)?

Which insurance is needed?

I'm looking into buying mascot costume for myself to wear at events or childrens parties etc , After struggling to find any local enough on several occasions ive decided i'm going to do it. Sooo... I've looked into insurances but just want to make sure im right as i'm not to clued up here .. I need public liability & i want product liability . Is there another i will need? I wont have a premises as such as all my costumes will be at my home but do i need a separate insurance cover for stock at home or can i just up my contents cover for these? Is there any other insurance i need. Thanks""

What is the benefit of term life insurance over other types of life insurance?

What is the benefit of term life insurance over other types of life insurance?

How can i get heath insurance?

affordable very cheap

Why is my car insurance so much higher than my female counter part?

This is such bullsh*t. I am 24 have had 0 accidents and 0 tickets. I am moving to another state and my Fing insurance is like $150 month. Then I talked to a female coworker my age with the same type of car and she has 2 speeding tickets her insurance is $137 a month. WTF? It is a known fact that almost all women are horrible drivers. Sure I guess males my age may do more reckless things but at least we have some Fing common sense. Women in todays society seem to lack this. Because they are never held accountable for any of their actions. O sweety you drank a fifth last night and banged some fat nasty guy well its not your fault its the guys fault. Sorry for the rant I just feel that my car insurance should be lower than hers because I have no tickets not higher anyone else agree?

How can I see a doctor without insurance?

I really can't afford to go lately and don't see any foreseeable future in which I could afford it. My job doesn't offer insurance. and I really think I ought to speak with a Dr. about dual diagnosis issues

Anyone in pennsylvania know of an affordable dental plan that covers everything?

Does anyone have good dental insurance for a fair monthly price? I need something that covers crowns root canals check ups fillings and xrays. I don't really know where to start. ...show more

Auto insurance question- got a speeding ticket but got off with driving school?

I just recently got new insurance, I didn't know whether or not I should put my speeding ticket on the quote since it was my first one and the cop just told me to just come to court and that they would give me driving school. So I decided to put it on the quote because I don't wanna get pinned for insurance fraud or something, I'm new to this whole insurance thing (just got off my parents) so I played it safe. Now that I have been to court and gotten driving school should I call up the insurance company and let them know what happened? Would it lower my rates if I did that? Or does it even matter? If I can save a few bucks I'll do it, but I don't want to waste my time and theirs. tl;dr----- got a speeding ticket, put it on my insurance quote- got off with driving school- how should I proceed? Does it really even matter since I received the ticket before I was on this current insurance?""

""Got caught speeding 36 in a 20, not listed on insurance, driving alone with a learned license?

My driving test is the day before my court hearing and I was wondering how much all this will cost and also if I'm gonna be able to take my test still

CAR ACCIDENT WHOS AT FAULT AND DO WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH INSURANCE?

I was in a car accident yesterday a very minor one, the damage to my mother in laws BMW was just a cracked head light, and damage to theres was hardly apparent although the man said there was a tiny bump in door and a scratch. what happened was i was leaving a duel carriageway and on the side lane one lane was closed and a cone was in the road i swerved to miss going into work access (plenty of room as cones missing ETC cos of bad weather) then i pulled straight back out into correct lane having dragged the cone and seeming to leave it in work access... although all this happened in matter of seconds when i pulled back out i have hit the car that was originally behind me in the side door he obviously didn't break in time to stop when i swerved... i have a feeling because it was me that hit him that i am at fault? problem is i don't want to really go through insurance as it means both me and my mother in law will lose our no claims and because it was me driving not my mother in law excess is 600 as i am only a named driver.... I would rather just pay for damages if i am at fault than give my mother in law all the hassle...how much do you think it will cost? only thing is when i said this to the man he said he needs to notify insurance anyway and mine which i have been told will lose our no claims anyway... any ideas info please as im quite confused?""

Boyfriend got into accident with my car..he has insurance/SR-22. Whose insurance will be responsible?

My boyfriend has had an insurance policy with an SR-22 on it for almost a year. It expires in 6 days. He was driving my car to work and got into an accident that was his fault. My car has barely any damage and I don't think the other car was severely damaged. My mom has an insurance policy on my car ( I live with her) But since my boyfriend was driving and he has insurance with the SR-22 doesn't that mean that it will go on his insurance? Isn't that the exact reason he had to have the SR-22 in the first place? So in case he screwed up (which he did) than it would be covered in any car he drives? Thanks.

Civic mustang camaro insurance compaison?

just wondering because im getting raped by the insurance company right now. im paying 510 a month for a civic ex coupe, i am 17 but thats still insane. so i want to know if any of you know how my car compares the the insurance rates on say a mustang or camaro for me? im not getting one btw""

How much does car insurance for a toyota mr2 at age 17 in nj?

How much does car insurance for a toyota mr2 at age 17 in nj?

Speeding ticket//No insurance!!!???

My friend was driving my car and got pulled over for speeding I didnt have insurance at the time she was pulled over, But I do have insurance now.(a couple days later.) The ticket is being paid tomorrow with my proof of insurance, what will happen b/c the date of purchase is after the day she was pulled over. I live in ohio. PLs help""

Can my car insurance company do this?

I called my insurance company yesterday to get a quote for a change of vehicle as I was planning to buy a new car. They said my monthly premium would still stay the same and the quote was only valid till end of the day which is fair enough. They said they give the quote on whatever the insurance rate is at the current time so if i was to call another day it could go up but it shouldn't go up that much. So I went to view the car yesterday evening and decided to buy the car. I called my insurance company today and they said it would cost me an extra 350 to get me insured on the car. So i asked them how could it go from nothing to 350 within a day. They come out with the quote is based on the daily rate of insurance and they cant do nothing about it. I wouldn't have mind if it went up by 100 or so but from nothing to 350 in one day is a big jump. Is there anything I can do?

denver car insurance quotes

denver car insurance quotes

Husband won't get life insurance?

We just married a few months ago. He bought a house a month before we married through VA loan. We are almost 40, and I believe we need life insurance on each other to cover house, cars, debts, ect.... I have enough on me to cover for my part and some. My husband told me that my name if not on the house so I have not financial bearing. If he dies, I can simply walk out the house and downgrade to a trailer, apartment, rent home, cheper home, whatever.... or I can sell his things to help pay the note... OUr house isn't new and very simple!! regardless, I think this is rude. you don't leave your widowed spouse with all that baggage. He makes plenty that he could afford a policy. I am asking him to cover most of the house, his vehicle, and personal debt... which he has a bunch from before our marriage. Am I being hard on him? He isn;t willing to share checking account or save together. He doesnt want me minding his finaces- none of my business is what he tells me pretty much.""

Motorcycle Insurance Change?

Hi, I am currently 16 years old, and am riding a 50cc motorcycle at the moment, but I'm hoping to upgrade to a 400cc, but may not be able to afford all the things necessary straight after my birthday in August. So could I re-insure my 50cc for another year and then when I can afford to change, phone up my insurance company and change half way through, and if they don't give me a reasonable quote change to another insurance company? Many Regards, Rhys x""

Are insurance rates higher if you have a lien on the auto?

I heard they charge more if you have a lien on your car and was wondering if this is true?

""If someone jumps off a building and hits my car, will my insurance cover it, and will my rates go up?""

if someone commits suicide on my car and they have insurance, will their insurance than cover it? if not and my insurance has to cover the damage, will my rates go up?""

Is they liberal comparison of medical insurance to car insurance flawed?

under obamacare,i cannot be refused because of a pre-existing condition...great right?...i dont have to get health insurance...the fine from the IRS will be cheaper...i can just wait till i get sick to enroll...would some one explain to me how car insurance would work if i waited until the day of the wreck to get insurance..???...""

Should an insurance company give you what your car is worth or how much it would take to replacement it?

The insurance adjuster (my car is totaled) says that he is only obligated to give me what my car is worth and he determined that figure was determined by taking a random 30 cars and averaging their prices -- not considering some have been wrecked, etc. My car was in great shape with some extras. Also, should the money awarded include what taxes will cost on my next vehicle as well?""

Car Insurance?

I know people will tell me to ring myu insurance company but i dont have my policy number with me or their number im at work today...... How much difference cost wise do you think it would be to change my policy so i can drive any car. I need to be able to drive my boyfriend, my dads and his dads cars? In the UK by the way""

Average medical cost of baby first year?

We have a $600 deductable with an 80/20 co-pay for our health insurance. Supposing the baby gets sick one time in the first year & goes to regular checkups, what would the medical expenses be? How much is birth at a hospital with an epidural & 2 day stay? Of course, this is all assuming we have a healthy baby.""

Do I need life insurance for my baby?

I am about to have a baby, and see lots of ads for the Gerber Life Insurance for children, but don't know if I need it. The price seems to be less than what I would have to pay at my job. Is this something I need?""

Do insurance companys consider the Honda civic si has a sports car?

My company is AAA and does anyone know who much my insurance would cost Im a 16 year old Male in Tennessee and im real looking at the blue honda civic si coupe thanks

What Multiline Insurance Company is the Best?

I need an insurance company that will do all line of insurance. Life, Auto, Home, Disability, Long Term Care and even Financial products. I heard COUNTRY insurance does that but I'm not sure.""

What car insurance do you have and do you like it?

Would you recommend it to me. I dont need a bundle i dont own a home yet, im getting my first car in a couple months and im confused about which insurance to pick.""

Car Insurance Settlement?

Ok about 3 weeks ago I was rear ended while my car was stopped on the freeway. The guy hit me doing about 30mph. I have had back and neck problems ever since. I have been seeing a chiroprator on a weekly basis. Also it was a hit and run but I was able to get his license plate number. I live in California. Ok so his insurance company called me trying to settle for 1000 plus my medical expenses. The problem is I don't now what my conditions will be like in the future. Also how many times will his insurance call me and change the offer?

""Insurance question about DUI (2 different insurance companies). Underwriters, chime in!?""

I received a 1st time DUI roughly 1 year ago. I am covered by one insurance company, and my wife is covered by another company on her car. I know my insurance will not be renewed or rates will increase at some point, but what about hers??? I am NOT listed as an insured driver on her policy, but I am noted as a licensed driver in the household for her car... Will her insurance be effected?? It seems like they are not sure what will happen with her insurance and that it would be left up to the underwriters... Any input would be helpful... Thankyou.""

Non owners policy insurance in CA?

i'll be using my parents' car, which is in IN, in california, it already has insurance, but i'll be going to CA and probably stay there for some time (around a year) and use their car, im 18. So does buying a non owners policy insurance save me, since they will still pay for regular insurance on car plus the non owner that i'll purchase? any advice? since if i'll buy my own policy the numbers are 500/mo or more. So im thinking if i buy a non owners insurance lets say at 1200/yr, plus their regular coverage it'll save some money. any advice will be greatly appreciated or it is illegal?""

High School Sport Insurance?

If i want to join track for high school as a freshman and i don't think i have health insurance... do i need it to join?

Anybody know of cheap but good car insurance?

i drive an SUV and i would like to have good coverage as well as being covered if someone else is driving my car....

Astra van Mk4 Insurance for 17 year old...?

Hey, I know its probably thought as weird but for my first car/van I want a Vauxhall Astravan as I love the shape and the car/van itself. The thing is the New model (06-TO current) have the 1.3 CDTI engine which is good but if you want a decent one there all 3000+... The Mk4 astravan (98-06) only go as low as a 1.6 Deisel. Could I be insured on this or would it be a big bill, or is it just worth getting a normal car? Chris""

Car insurance question?

My mom finaced a car for me in Montana its in her name but i pay the car payment. I live in Colorado. even though she has car insurance already on the car in her name... can i get full coverage in Colorado in my name? so say fro example if i crash it The car will still be covered. is that against the law? please help. thanks

What is the average rate of car insurance for 16 year old driver?

I am going to be 16 and i am just wondering how much will the insurance charge is i get added on right when i get my license?

If you get scissor doors installed on your car does the insurance go up much?

The car is a honda civic 1.6 vtech sport, and im 17...If it does go up, how much roughly.""

Who's best for impreza insurance? i'm 28 with a clean licence?

full comp keeps coming back around 1000, on a 98-2000 wrx""

My car insurance is renewing March 25th If i switch insurance companies March 1st?

Am i responsible for the whole amount of my insurance payment or am i responsible for being covered Feb 25 thru March 1st??

Any reccomendations for a good dental insurance??

i have health insurance through my job, but they do not offer dental.""

Can i go on someones insurance but drive a different car to them?

well i know i can be put on some kind of car insurance with someone like a family member but i herd that's only if i just drive there car. is there a way i can be put onto there insurance but Drive my own car. Or does anyone know a cheap car insurance company for young new drivers??? I've tried hundreds and there all saying around 2,500ish!!! which is ridiculous i might be young but i have a one year old and a new born child it is highly unlikely that i will be racing with friends, and putting myself in unsafe situations!!! my cars only Worth like 1000 so i refuse to pay for insurance that's costs more than my car!!!! Any kind of help would be nice!! Thank you :)""

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Hulbert Oklahoma Cheap car insurance quotes zip 74441

"Hulbert Oklahoma Cheap car insurance quotes zip 74441

Hulbert Oklahoma Cheap car insurance quotes zip 74441

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How to get cheap auto insurance?

So I just bought a new car tgats financed in my name. Even though my driving record is spitless im 23 so my insurance is crazy high. Everyone keeps telling me to get on.my parents insurance. How do I do thus legally so that if I ever need to make a claim.there will be no issues?

What car would be more expensive on insurance a impala or a charger?

What car would be more expensive on insurance a impala or a charger?

Do I use car insurance or health insurance in a car accident?

I had a car accident (three cars)last week, my car was the fist car ( third car hit second car's back and second car hit my car's back). Although the second car had serious damage and my car's bumper had minor damage, but we didn't call the police. I felt my neck, shoulder and back painful in the first day when I woke up. after 5 days, i don't feel any back pain, but i still feel painful from my neck and shoulder. Do I consider about hire a lawyer (minor car damage)? If I don't find a lawyer, how can I ask the driver to pay my med bills? Do I use my health insurance first then claim the driver's car insurance company? or pay by cash first? what kind of doctor I need to see? Thanks""

What are some affordable health insurance in the NJ area?

I am 25 years old and currently unemployed. I will be a student in the health care field and I'm required to purchase health insurance. I also have to get a physical exam along with vaccinations. I looked online for some insurance and I have to pay at least $250 a month which is too much for me. Are there any affordable health insurance?

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My car insurance company recently cancelled my policy due to unpaid direct debit. Here is what happened. My direct debit didn't get paid on the 8th Jan 2013 due to my bank refusing as I didn't have enough funds. 3 days later I recieved a letter through the post stating they will try again in 7 days. 10 days later they tried again and it said that it successfuly went through. It's now February, I just checked on the MID website and my car is uninsured! I checked my bank account and no payment went out this month, and last month, when the payment did go out succesfully, I notice on the same day the payment went back into my account! I can't phone my insurance company yet as its 6am but I assue they've cancelled it and are wanting me to pay the rest in full. Now, when I take out a new policy, will this effect me? I have been getting quotes already and I can see an option asking ''have you been refused insurance beofre?''. My answer would be no, I haven't. I have had it cancelled due to non payment but not refused. Or does 'refused' mean cancelled due to non payment?""

Which is the best childrens' insurance plans?

Please detail about both unit linked & regular insurance plans.

Retiring at 62 need health insurance?

I live in Florida, work at Walmart. How can I get health insurance if I retire at age 62?""

Should I cancel my car insurance policy?

So long story short -- I totaled my car in an accident which was my fault back in December, and unfortunately did not have collision coverage on my insurance policy. I am a full-time student and have been unable to afford purchasing another car since then, and do not know when I will be able to afford another car. Although I am now without a vehicle I have been reluctant to cancel my insurance policy because I was told that if I did, whenever I purchased another car and had to buy insurance again the price of it would skyrocket because I would be considered high risk for having a chronological gap in my coverage. So basically I am currently paying $80 a month for car insurance when I do not even have a car, just to avoid having it go up even more at some point in the unknown future after I buy another car. Is this worth it or would it be wiser to just go ahead and cancel my policy? I would like to get some other people's counsel on this who know more about car insurance and who are more financially competent than I am. Thanks so much.""

Why the heck is insurance so high?

So I'm 17 trying to get insured on any car from a 1-1.2L DIESEL. I've tried practically everything and it's so expensive. I get quoted 15,000 for a MINI COOPER S and 12,000 for a corsa. The area I live in insurance is low. I passed in july and I really need a car. Any suggestions for cars or insurance?""

Need help with health/dental insurance!?

I have been on my dads insurance that is provided for by his job. I was married last year and my husband was AGR so we received TRICARE. He has since finished active duty and we are no longer insured. My dad never took me off his insurance (mainly bc he forgot) but can I still use it?? My main concern is that it would be under my maiden name. We will be enrolling in another form of TRICARE but I will not be able to use it until after the first of March. I am in a lot of pain with my wisdom teeth and need them out desperately. I am not aware of the laws and regulations for this matter and would never want to do something illegal or fraudulent. Thanks!

Failure to provide proof of insurance.?

I got a ticket for failing to provide my insurance card to the officer. I had an insurance card, but it was expired. He told me to fight it in court and it will most likely be dropped. If it gets dropped, does it still appear as a conviction on my driving record. What are the impacts on my insurance rates if it does appear as a conviction?""

A good hatchback car for 1000 with a cheap insurance for young people?

I've been looking at so many cars and I really don't think I've found one really worht the money I'm looking for a car that's not old All I have seen is a Rover Metro and Peugeot 205/306 and some others but some of these car are still too old I just really want some good advice, thanks :)""

""Should I wait until after I turn 25 next month to buy a car, since insurance will be cheaper?""

Basically, I'm wondering if I should wait until I'm 25 to buy a car, since then the insurance would be cheaper when I have to insure the car. Or does it really matter?""

Question about wi and sr22 insurance?

i got in a car accident and i reported it to my regular insurance co. should i report it to my sr22? will that do anything?

Provisional car insurance?

Does anyone know how much it would cost for provisional car insurance for me, just aged 17 and need to be provisionally insured on a parents car? Also does anyone know whether i can only purchase temporary cover such as 3 months provisional insurance rather than a whole year as i doubt i will need that much? Thanks""

Can i go on someones insurance but drive a different car to them?

well i know i can be put on some kind of car insurance with someone like a family member but i herd that's only if i just drive there car. is there a way i can be put onto there insurance but Drive my own car. Or does anyone know a cheap car insurance company for young new drivers??? I've tried hundreds and there all saying around 2,500ish!!! which is ridiculous i might be young but i have a one year old and a new born child it is highly unlikely that i will be racing with friends, and putting myself in unsafe situations!!! my cars only Worth like 1000 so i refuse to pay for insurance that's costs more than my car!!!! Any kind of help would be nice!! Thank you :)""

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Getting a license in another state will they check to see if my car insurance has expired?

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How much will insurance cost for a age 36 driver who got her license in this year?

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Which occupation would be best for car insurance purposes?

I can honestly say Retired , Investor , Private Investor Or Self Employed . Considering the fact that I don't drive very much anyway, less than 3000-3500 miles per year would one have a better risk classification and therefore lower rates than the other ? Oh, and Im 47 by the way so not your typical retired type person. (Don't really have a life but that wasn't the question) My liability insurance is pretty cheap but Im the kind of guy that likes to check every 6 months just to make sure Im getting the best price for the same coverage. Thanks ! PS, on a sort of related note, is it a problem if my credit report might not say the exact same thing ? I suspect it may say Self Employed and my former business.""

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Hulbert Oklahoma Cheap car insurance quotes zip 74441

Hulbert Oklahoma Cheap car insurance quotes zip 74441

Aviva car insurance named driver no claims?

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Car insurance?

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Insurance plan for emancipated teens?

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Will I get dropped from my insurance?

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Pls help me to find a cheap insurance in CAli?

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Insurance question for my situation?

What do you think would be the cheapest insurance company to go with in this situation? 16 year old female, 1992 Ford F 150""

Cheapest car insurance for young drivers?

i am 20 and my boyfriend is 19 any cheap car insurances known as i am currently paying 1800 for the year on an S reg saxo for us both thanks in advance

Can i get a california health access card if my mom has me under her insurance?

I want to get it so i can get on birth control but my mom has me under her insurance and i cannot let her know. I am 19, a college student and part time worker.""

Do I need life insurance?

Hey, I'm in 7th grade and my advanced academics class is doing a project on what our goals and daily life will be after we graduate high school. The final part of the project deals with the management of taxes and insurance and stuff like that. I'm pretty sure I've covered everything I need to, except for one aspect: life insurance. I'm not exactly sure if I need it, because I don't really know if I'm actually going to have people dependent on my paycheck. Here's my lifestyle: I'm going to live in Santa Monica, California as an occupational therapist in an apartment with a roommate. My mom's family and my dad's family will most likely keep residing all the way across the country on the east coast, with my brother in college and my younger brother in middle school. I'm pretty sure both my parents are going to be retired at that age, but I don't know if they would really depend on my paycheck. Opinions?""

Auto insurance limits of liability ?

How high should I reasonably set my liability limits. From what I can tell my current Auto policy limits are $25k and $50k. That seems a bit low to me. My friend said he has $100k and $300k. What do you suggest. We are an average income family, and currently drive and Escalade ESV, and a G35 coupe(Nothing like living beyond your means, you only get one shot at this thing right?).""

What is the average cost of health insurance in California?

health insurance for married couple above fifty

What is the best insurance?

Okay. Need the cheapest insurance for my boyfriend. He is 20, only three speeding tickets within a three years time, and wants a newer car.""

How much would car insurance cost?

im 18 going to be 19 the car i was looking at cost 29,155$ so since im young how much do you think the insurance would cost?""

Cheapest Car Insurance for Young Drivers?

I'm 19, and I cannot continue driving with no insurance.. im going to get pulled over!... I can afford monthly insurance for about 150/mo but everyone is charing me double that.. i think i tried every company.. any suggestions?""

Hulbert Oklahoma Cheap car insurance quotes zip 74441

Hulbert Oklahoma Cheap car insurance quotes zip 74441

Life insurance policy?

for 5 million dollars for 5 kids. A million per child. Two are 18+ and receive money right away. Younger 3 will live with one of the elder. How much will the bank cut each month to take care of the younger children (7,8,and 17)? The money (full million) stays in the bank for each until they turn 18.""

What should I get first insurance or car register?

So here is what happen. I went to pay for my sticker at dmv the insurance was done. They void my car sticker and gave a orange one that says void. Couple months I started working now I save up to get insurance to get my car sticker. But they when I went to get insurance they all asking for registration paper. So I lost those paper I looked everywhere. What should I do first get registration paper at dmv then go to insurance because then go back to dmv to get the sticker? Or get insurance first then go to the dmv??

Does full coverage auto insurance cover tires?

My car caught fire.. The problem is with the insurance companies... I'm not expecting anything because I gave liability insurance but my car melted my roomates car... She has full coverage.. Thankfully.. Her car is being covered except for the tires... If the tires got messed up in the accident why won't full coverage cover them... I think the insurance company is trying to pull a fast one

How much content insurance do i need?

my insurance company needs an answer asap. we close in 2 days. small bungalow with finished basement, approx 2300 square feet in total. Master bedroom spare bedroom, office, rec room, kitchen, dining room, great room, full bath, 2pc & 3pc bath, 3 flat screen tvs, usual appliances, all rooms furnished modestly. Would $50,000 be enough?""

Where can I get my physical done for cheap? No insurance?

I'm going to be a wrestling captain & I need it for school on Monday. I live in florida

Car Insurance (No car)?

So this might sound a bit dumb, but I was wondering what are the steps to getting car insurance before you own a car. The problem I have is I am afraid of wrecking the car on the drive home from car lot and not having insurance!""

Where can i get the best & affordable health insurance?

company does not provide it anymore. where can i get the best and affordable health insurance that i pay for myself. thanks

How much would a doctors check up be without insurance?

Please excuse my grammar, but I'm a bit panicky. I need to know the cost of a doctors check up in California for a 21 year old man without insurance. My boyfriend has been having some chest pains, and we think he sprained his wrist. I'm so worried about him. He can't afford insurance at the moment, due to the fact that he can barely pay for his college classes and food. I need an estimate from anyone who has been in a similar situation. Thank you so much in advance!!""

Next step after finding out your being kicked from auto insurance?

My boyfriend was on his parents policy with Met life and has been in 2 MINOR accidents in the last year and they told his dad either my boyfriend goes or everyone under that policy goes and they didn't tell us until a few days ago. Here's the kicker, he will be off the policy the end of the week. Will this make it harder for us to get him insured? How can a car incarnate company do this? He can't work without driving there and he can't drive there without car insurance. I don't know what to do. I currently have State Farm with my parents, would they let us open our own thing together even though we are not even technically engaged yet?""

Is insurance needed for car rental?

i would like to know if car insurance is needed to rent a car, or is it provided for the car.""

Older cars and Insurance..?

Im young..I don't know too much about cars yet. I was wondering, do older cars typically cost less to insure??? I know it sounds dumb but I really dont know. I had a 99 explorer, 91 sentra, 86 accord, and now I am probably getting a 74 Dart. I know insurance changes depending on your age and violations on your record..but it seems like older cars cost less than 'newer' cars. Will my Dart cost more since it is a classic? It is not restored yet, or sportin classic plates either. Does that change anything??? Is there a difference because of color, or model (ss, suv, convertible, truck, etc?) Let me know..""

Why do car insurance companies do credit checks?

I have just renewed my car insurance and made a massive saving from 162 per month to 79 per month. But the first few wouldnt let me pay monthly because of my credit history. Why ...show more

Can I take out a life insurance policy on my friend?

My friend somehow got my social security number off one of my pay stubs and memorized. Now when we get drunk he has a song that he's made including my SS #, this makes me very angry. I want to take out a life insurance policy on him to scare him, is this possible? I'm thinking maybe 100k policy (he's only 26 so it should be cheap), I think the sheer fact of him knowing if he dies I get rich will bother him more than it bothers me that he has my social. Is this legal, can I take out a life insurance policy on anyone I choose?""

Is it misandric that young men have to pay more for car insurance?

I mean, its noted that young men tend to have more severe accidents, than women and older men - but isnt this just another case of generalising based on age and sex? A similar generalisation made about women, would have caused an uproar and certainly no policies would have been based on such generalisations about women - as it would face immediate protest, then why is it OK to generalise young men like this? Source : http://education.yahoo.net/auto-insurance/articles/why_do_men_pay_more_for_car_insurance.htm""

On average how much do you pay for your car?

My boyfriend makes about 1,100 a month. I made about 1,200 a month. We're young, so we don't make that much but we do live together and we have been since I was 18. Pretty soon, I should be making around... 1,400 a month. WE NEED TO GET A CAR. I had one but gave it to my mother who was struggling. We want to get one so here it goes: 1, When we go to the car dealership what information (other than the standard info) will they ask for? 2. What is required to buy a car other than insurance and a license? 3. How much is an average down payment? 4. Say we get a used car made before 2005, how much on average should the monthly payment be? I know there's a million answers but this but anything will help. Maybe like a honda civic or ford focus, something small and cheap. You're help is very valuable. :) :) :) :)""

Best life insurance questions for seniors?

67 year old male whose had heart surgery,but doing well,on antidepressants and a cpap needs term life insurance. what is the most affordable in your experience ?""

Car insurance for first time drivers?

im 18 and looking to buy a car soon, i need to know what i should expect to be paying monthly for car insurance.""

When buying auto insurance is it better to have your dad own the car and put you as the additional driver to s

When you purchase car insurance is it better to have the car under your parent's name for ownership and add your self as an additional driver for your own policy to save money even when you will be driving most of the time?

Will Vandalism affect my Car Insurance rates?

My car was vandalized last night, they ripped off a piece on the back and cracked the bumper in the front. If I make a claim with my insurance company will this affect my rates?""

What is the best way to compare auto insurance quotes?

I am needing to find new car insurance, and I of course would like to shop around for the best deal. Can anyone recommend a good site that will compile your information and give you multiple accurate quotes from different companies? I am leery to enter my information into a third party database, so confidentiality, professionalism and no spam is a must. Thank you!""

How much does car insurance cost at age 16?

ok so i want a used 2002 toyota celica but i wanna know how much insurance will cost me first before i buy it. so if you can help plsss answer thxs =) p.s i live in the state of new jersey if that can help idk lol.

Where to find a dental insurance/plan that provides full coverage(if not 100% something close)?

I am sick and tired of being robbed over and over by those dental offices...whatever my dental plan says it saves on me they always come up with something to make me pay as I am not insured at all! I am willing to pay more for and expensive dental plan/insurance that covers me 100% or very close from that(=> 80%) I just don't want to go through the price of each service I get from the dental office because its useless! ... and please don't post me links to those websites that collects my private information just to give me quotes! Only if you tried the insurance or know somebody tried it...I am looking for life experience not google search results! thank you very much :)

Cheap car insurance for a teenager .?

I WILL BE GETTING MY LEARNERS PERMIT SOON... GOT DRIVERS ED AND WILL BE GETTING BEHIND THE WHEEL TRAINING.AND LOOKG FORWARD TO DRIVING A 2008 SCION TC ..ABOUT HOW MUCH WILL INSURANCE BE A MONTH... ANY STUDENT DISCOUNTS I CAN GET...?? ..OH YEAH IF IT HELPS ..I LIVE IN CALIFORNIA

How much money would insurance cost for a 16 year old boy with a 1982 dodge ramcharger?

i have allstate and i was just wondering if anyone new. and a ramcharger is a big truck/suv

How can i compare all life insurance products of all companies?

How can i compare all life insurance products of all companies?

Hulbert Oklahoma Cheap car insurance quotes zip 74441

Hulbert Oklahoma Cheap car insurance quotes zip 74441

Will My Car Insurance Go Up?

My wife scrapped the side of our SUV against the wall coming out of the garage. I would like to get it fixed through our insurance since the damage is more that $500 deductible. Do you think my insurance will go up if I make this insurance claim?

Can insurance for young drivers ...?

i want to buy a bmw 3 series convertible m sport diesel 2litre. the buying price is 13000 approximatley, unfortunatley i am 18 years old and this seems to be playing against me when it comes to insuring the car. i do not want to go down the line of fronting or breaking the law, but is there any way at all i can get a decent deal on insurance!? even if it means insuring myself to drive any car .. if that's possible?? any help would be appreciated. thanks!!""

How much would car insurance be?

I'm 17 and I wanna know how much insurance is on a 1993 Jeep Wrangler before I go out and buy one. I tried to do quotes but I need to know a lot about the car but since I don't have the car, it's kinda hard. Help. Thanx""

Low Insurance Car For Teen Boy?

I am turning 16 in a couple of months and I need to know what USED vehicles would be best for low insurance. Nothing lower than 1998 and nothing higher than 2007. Please give me some suggestions. NO ugly cars either...

""Can I fight an auto insurance company, to prevent my car from being declared a total loss, in California?""

Its an older car but only has a small dent. I understand that its the value of the car vs their estimate of repairs that they are basing this on, but they didn't include options like A/C, cruise control, power door locks and power mirrors and others when figuring its worth. They instead based it on an average car in my area. When doing the math the difference between fixing the dent and totaling the car came out to $18.00. Clearly the addition of the options would have covered that spread in my favor. I want to fight this because I don't want to have a salvage title. I was not at fault and the other parties insurance has already sent me a check I have not cashed nor have I signed anything. I want to know what I can do. And if I am stuck with the total loss, do I have the right to recover for re-title and re-registration charges and smog fees that are going to add up to a few hundred out of my pocket since I am keeping the car. Thanks for taking the time to read my question.""

How can I see a doctor without insurance?

I really can't afford to go lately and don't see any foreseeable future in which I could afford it. My job doesn't offer insurance. and I really think I ought to speak with a Dr. about dual diagnosis issues

""I am moving soon, but my car insurance policy will be up before I leave. What do I do?""

My car insurance policy will be up in May and I am planning on moving from New York to Florida in July. How do I go about switching my car insurance so that I can maintain the same policy once I move to Florida? Can I buy a Florida policy now as long as I am up there within a certain amount of time? (I am most interested in switching to Geico, since I am a student and new driver) Since I'm moving into my Grandfather's house, can he just put me on his policy when mine ends, and if he can, will I still be able to drive my car around until I move down there?""

Approximately how much will my auto insurance go down?

I have always been told that when I turn 25 my auto insurance should decrease significantly, I was wondering if someone can give me an idea or (if you dont mind) let me know what you were paying <25 and what your paying now at 25>. As of now I am paying $350 a month for full coverage on two vehicles (with two speeding tickets on my record at the moment at 23 years old, one will definitely be off by 25, the other one will be close, (assuming I get no more) I am going through Farmers Insurance. Does anyone have a rough idea of what I have to look forward to my 25th Birthday as a subnote I know this is being planned much ahead of time, me and the lady are considering moving out of our apartment, I want to have a very thorough knowledge of what my financial future will look like before pulling the trigger on anything. Expect wthin the year posts from me on moving business =D All constructive answers are appreciated.""

""What is the cheapest car insurance place in the Farmington, New Mexico area?""

I've tried Farmers insurance and Geico. Both places quoted around $240-$280 every 6 months (or monthly payments). I did an online quote at Progressive and got a quote for around $180.00 (which was much cheaper). But I don't know if I filled the information out right? Oh btw, I'm trying to insure my 1995 Ford F-150 pickup. The insurance seems much more expensive on this vehicle than with other cars in my family.""

When will insurance total a car?

At what point will my insurance company total a car? My husband was in a car accident and the whole front end of the car is damaged - the estimate is $7800 to fix and the car is valued at $9100. The body shop has been waiting a 2 days, so far, for the insurance to decide what to do. I am hoping it can be fixed but I also need to know if I need to start car shopping.""

Insurance rate for a 2000 toyota celica?

Insurance rate for a 2000 toyota celica?

WHAT INSURANCE WILL HELP MENTAL HEALTH?

so i lost my health insurance at 19 and im trying to go on one by myself, i got to an outpatient program called High Focus for anxiety and depression and were paying out of pocket for this which is extremely expensive, can someone tell me an insurance that would cover this High Focus center its a private place and does not accept medicade, medicare, or state funds.""

Is there a federal law that requires us to buy car insurance? Why or why not?

Is there a federal law that requires us to buy car insurance? Why or why not?

Getting a Permit in TX increases insurance rate?

hi. is anyone here from texas? i just want to know if insurance companies in TX really do increase your insurance rate once they are notified that your son or daughter has a permit to drive. AS if living here isnt already hard enough, lets top it off with this surprise.""

What's the insurance like on an Acura RSX S-Type?

I'm just turning 16 and this's my 1st car(well actually my 3rd but the 1st one I've bought) and i know prices vary but i just want an idea of what my insurance will look like?

""Any good, affordable companies to get life and disability insurance from?""

Any good, affordable companies to get life and disability insurance from?""

Car Insurance?

So I got my license the other day I'm 16 turning 17. I don't have a car yet, but I want to drive alone. My mom has a car but my name isin't included in the policy. I heard somewhere that I could still drive the car. Is that true? How much would it cost if my name is added to the car? the car is on AAA Insurance.? . Another question. Im going to be working soon, how much would it cost for a 17 year old to drive his own car with his own insurance, BUT if im added to my DAD's policy.?""

Contact information for the knights life insurance company of america?

address

How much does an ER vist cost w/ no insurance?

I went to the ER the other day. I was there for a few hours and only have an IV. I dont have insurance...how much do you think this will cost?

How much does your motorcycle insurance cost?

Also say your gender, state, age, etc. P.S how much would it cost for a 18 year old male in NYC with a 600cc engine? ninja..""

CAR insurance...i dont have a 3.0?

on estimate how much wil the cost of insurance be more? i will have a 90' 4runner if that helps

Motorcycle insurance?

about how much should it cost?

Can I get a life insurance license with a misdemeanor on my record in California?

Misdemeanor is four years old for petty theft.

Is it worth getting motorcycle insurance?

Im about to buy a Drz400sm with a loan. I like to know snice I have a loan should I get insurance coverage on it and what type of coverage like theft for sure im getting it if I do buy insurance. What other coverage should I get for it. I just turn 18 with a super clean driving history and Im planning to take a motorcycle safety course so how much will you believe insurance will coast me on the drz400sm. What are some cheap insurance companies too by the way?

Health insurance in NY? Minor children & jobs that don't offer healthcare?

My friend has twins that are 17 & they are having a hard time finding affordable health insurance like many people, she works 2 jobs that total around 2,300 a month & her husband makes around 3,000.. None of the jobs offer healthcare to the kids, they tried a insurance called Hudson health but ended up being told it would be about $600 a month which they can't pay, does anyone know any insurance that works with you, or that is more affordable? Any help is much appreciated :) thank you""

Hulbert Oklahoma Cheap car insurance quotes zip 74441

Hulbert Oklahoma Cheap car insurance quotes zip 74441

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