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caliburn-the-sword · 1 year

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ranking ouat characters by how likely they are to lose a finger in a swordfight

preface: i'm gonna be poking fun at these funky little characters for fun, but i really appreciate how the show gives them distinct fighting styles!!! it both sets them apart both literally and by personality, as well as setting them up for interesting fights as different characters are pit up against different characters!!! that's really cool.

now, before i start, YES, a lot of things are gonna sound like an innuendo. get your laughs out about it now. if you make a dirty joke, i promise i will be in your walls <3

anyway, as i've mentioned in a previous post, my experience in swordfighting is in using wooden training sword , which weighs just under a kilo. i typically use this for the fancy, pretty looking stuff like patterns. in actual sparring, i'm using what's essentially a plastic pipe covered in foam which if i had to estimate weighs a quarter of a kilo MAX). a proper real metal sword, depending on the length, is gonna be somewhere just under or over a kilo. so contrary to all your fantasy novels or movies, you're not gonna pick up a sword and be like "oh shit that's heavy i can't even heft it up". you will very easily be able to pick up that sword. it only becomes heavy once you've done a lot of swinging it around, carried it for a while, etc. adrenaline can carry you through maybe the first three minutes, and then your exhaustion will hit you, and then you're gonna be carried by your own endurance primarily, but yes this does build strength so believe me when i say that all the ouat characters are canonically quite strong (but you didn't need me to tell you that lmao).

Last place: David

HIS SWORD THROW IS SO IMPRESSIVE. you will most likely end up very unarmed having missed the enemy and very at the mercy of your enemy who still has their sword. luckily for him IT WAS COOL AS FUCK that i won't be considering that a point of deduction, ESPECIALLY because he would have hit regina if she couldn't teleport.

now let me just say, his circle work??? very good indeed. he can take multiple enemies in a fight. he absolutely will NOT trip over his feet and get killed in that way.

now, i understand the flair for the dramatic in big, overarm swing type movements. i've got two concerns: first of all, how far he extends his arm when swinging his sword. he's opening himself to get his hand cut off, getting stabbed, etc. secondly, when you extend your hand that far and suddenly have to block a strike??? it's essentially the strength of your arm vs the strength of your opponent's ENTIRE body. you do NOT want that.

he also has a tendency to blend hand to hand combat with swordfighting, yikes. when swordfighting, a main advantage is your REACH and how much DISTANCE you're able to keep. david is essentially throwing all that away to get closer and throw in a couple elbows. he's gonna get himself very stabbed that way.

occasionally, he also does a big spinny thing and can i say PLEASE don't turn your back on your opponent you're ITCHING to get stabbed. interesting note: when he uses a two handed grip, he tends to swing like a baseball bat.

judgement: at best, he's lost a hand. at worst, he's dead.

Killian Jones

not even 0.5 seconds into his first fight with rumpelstiltskin, SIR WHAT WAS THAT WINDUP??? YOU'RE NOT THROWING A BASEBALL. after that he's got a decent fencing style. he keeps his free hand close to his body, where he doesn't risk it getting cut off. i'm concerned when he advances that he makes his stance TOO long. since this is a one on one fight, that's fine, but if he was fighting multiple people at once he would be taken out by being TRIPPED. that said it's still good that he advances and places pressure on his opponent. solid technique. HELP HE JUST DID THE WORST GLANCE EVER. rumpelstiltskin's sword was STILL UP and KILLIAN WAS ALREADY LOWERING HIS SWORD. THIS IS HOW YOU GET SLASHED IN THE CHEST. random wide swings???? i appreciate that he ACTUALLY aims for vital points, unlike literally everyone else on this damn show. killing someone pretty much stops YOU from getting killed, so his survival prospects have just increased despite everything.

killian has a GREAT ability to disarm his enemies. disarming your enemies = not being killed.

his movements in his fight with emma are ALL wide and dramatic. is he showing off???? i hate to say it but if YOU have a sword and someone is trying to tackle you, you should STAB them so that you don't risk losing your sword, impaling yourself, or your opponent getting your sword. horny bastard.

HE DID A DRAMATIC SPIN. JAIL. and wasting time gloating?? surefire way to give your opponent opportunities. he's lucky emma was never aiming for the kill to begin with, and was quite inexperienced.

we see VERY wide swings in the neverland arc too.

does not have a very strong stance when fighting blackbeard </3 killian being capable of using his hook to reinforce blocks by placing it down the edge of his blade is AMAZING. i don't know how to explain this, but when you're gripping the handle of your sword with two hands, you are pushing against a single point. when he holds the handle with one hand and braces the other end of the sword with his hook, the force is more evenly spread, making it stronger. the only way i can think of achieving that with two hands is by bracing against the flat of the blade, and by god i am NOT risking that EVEN tho it's just a plastic pipe covered in foam LMAO.

idc about the context you are absolutely NOT striking towards someone's feet. don't do that. very impractical, even if you're trying to force them to step somewhere.

anyway he's pretty decent at taking multiple opponents at a time, tho i do prefer charming's circle work.

judgement: this is so long BECAUSE HE'S SO DAMN INCONSISTENT. i noticed that past season 5 he gets back to being more consistent and fency. so i think it's during high emotional states when he starts going wide. unfortunately the big thing with fighting is you gotta be able to BALANCE your emotion or you're gonna slip up like hell. i REALLY wanted to rank him higher than i did (it was honestly very close between him and snow white) because like i mentioned, he doesn't hold back and has great disarming skills, however i find him too inconsistent to be reliable. catch him on a bad day (he has a lot of those) and he's sloppy. so yeah.

Snow White

she doesn't have as many swordfighting scenes as other characters, but she's quite promising. i won't fault her for kicks, even tho i personally wouldn't risk it, because she isn't getting up close and personal like an elbow would (looking at david). she has a tendency to get low, which like major no no. mega yikes. you lose all your reach with that. i'd like to commend her for being able to get BEHIND her enemies quite often. anytime you can manage to NOT be where your opponent is pointing their sword is a pretty good one. however she also likes to spin, and you know how i feel about that. she doesn't swing too dramatically (like the others before her on the list), and she tends to put more of her body behind her slashes and parries rather than using her arm to tank it all which i really appreciate. i also REALLY noticed her grip (in a good way). mainly because i couldn't watch her footwork. that goes hand in hand with my previous point, you gotta have a good grip to put your body behind in strikes. i would say her biggest risk is getting her hand chopped off, but otherwise i reckon she fares quite well.

Number 1: she's an icon, she's a legend, and she IS the moment Emma Swan

really appreciate emma also managing the sword toss. anyway, tbf what i'm judging rn is one of her earliest swordfighting scenes GIRL DON'T DUCK UNDER A SWORD?? DON'T GET LOW FIRST OF ALL, AND SECONDLY IF YOU MISJUDGE YOU LOSE YOUR HEAD. please DODGE or PARRY or BLOCK. emma has the same big swinging problem as david. IF YOU LOSE YOUR SWORD DON'T GET CLOSER GET FURTHER. IDC HOW MUCH YOU WANT TO GET YOUR HANDS ON HOOK, THAT'S A GREAT WAY TO GET STABBED. then she CRAWLS (turning her back on her opponent) for her sword instead of JETTING IT. girl a sword is gonna do you no good when you're ON THE GROUND YOU CAN'T SWING OR STAB FOR SHIT. now if you pull up the clip and see her FIRST strike once she gets on her feet again, first of all: SHE WASN'T EVEN AIMING FOR ANY VITAL SPOT SHE SWUNG LIKE HALF A FOOT FROM HIS HEAD. secondly that grip is giving me second hand embarrassment. what is that.

next significant swordfight we see is with gold in season 4. her fencing-like stance?? cool. she is NOT leaving her torso or neck open to any stabbing whatsoever. she kept her free hand close to her body for a SIGNIFICANT portion of that fight which is AMAZING. homegirl is NOT risking her hand getting cut off. slay. also, when she's going for power, she has a two handed grip and puts her ENTIRE body behind the thrust. very impressed. she's also got GREAT footwork and she is putting PRESSURE on gold by advancing and pushing him back.

now, in her fights with gideon, she does a lot of very awkward and stiff two handed grip. girl PLEASE do not get lower to glance off, step to the SIDE. she falls back into big wide swings but she was going through something. i KNOW that's contradictory to what i said about killian, but EVERY other time she has powered through and this is the exception.

judgement: as much as i was making fun of her, we only see a few blunders most of which she was always going to survive because of how big a simp hook, not to mention those were within her first few DAYS of having a sword. she then went on to become who i think is the best swordfighter in the whole show, so emma clears all

#rumpelstiltskin doesn't get a spot on this list because i doubt there's a single fight where he gives it his all #i was actually going to judge him but he's literally immortal so there's no point #great now i have to do an analysis of how killian's fighting style aligns with his emotional state #if i had stopped at emma's and killian's first fight scenes #killian literally would have been number 1 #snow would have been number 2 #david would have been number 3 #and emma would have been number 4 #also wanted to rank david higher for the sword toss #snow and david were a lot more static when it came to their fighting styles there was no change #if your fave didn't win at NOT losing their fingers in a fight please don't kill me #ouat #once upon a time #killian jones #david nolan #snow white #emma swan #captain swan #yes i am aware that my poll hasn't actually finished yet but i've decided that suppression of free speech is the way to go #it was the illusion of choice #i was ALWAYS gonna make this post #long post

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pcstan · 1 year

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OMG ANOTHER EARLY SEASONS TRUTHER thats exactly why i love them the show felt so fun and young and not old and tired

i still love seasons 4-8 but 1-3 are my favorites (i barely watch anything afterwards. late 2000s-modern south park just tends to bore me or feels depressing most of the time but there are definitely exceptions) i still watch the new stuff but i dont really rewatch it usually

i thought this season STARTED great but kinda fell off after like episode 2 (i did like the last 2 more though) the ai episode was astronomically boring to me fsr

anyway apologies for this little rant but i am just happy to finally find someone with similar thoughts as me

Never be sorry for your rants!! I love when people agree with me cuz it makes me feel like I'm right (which I am♡)

I'm such an earlier seasons type of guy. The second chef stopped having an important role in the series everything went dark. 1 to 3 is really just the golden era of SP episodes and yet so many people skip them (just like they skip rpdr season 1 to 3 even tho season 3 is the most iconic in the franchise,,,really makes you think 💔💔). The newer seasons are literally just Trey's projection diary where every character is Trey Jr. Honestly I'm guessing that's why PC doesn't get a lot of screen time anymore, cuz he's an actual good dad and partner and God forbid a male character not hate and despise his wife and kids.

I need more people to discuss SP with like in a socratic circle.

#the sucubus episode is genuinely one of my fave sp episodes ever like chefs parents and the loch ness monster thing was so funny to me #the fact that the lochness monster has been following these mfs around since chef was a toddler.....thats gold to me chief #can you tell i miss chef a lot ? i miss chef a lot.....#also garrison refusing to admit he was gay was his best era #real talk tho ive rewatched seasons 1 to 3 sm ive started unironically saying poontang idk what to do about it #Also this was the season where we got crabtree </3 i miss her everyday #Also also these were the seasons where liane was as morally bad as cartman!!!!#worst thing ab the seasons is when oppressed ppl are like actually oppression is ok cuz free speech ♡#im personally a seaspn 4 hater apart from SOME good episodes cuz i fucking despise the episodes that end in 2000 and chef goes nanners #tho helen keller the musical makes up for it like its such a rpdr episode...#rpdr season 16 needs to make a helen keller the rusical with guest star Timmy

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