#5sos mood board i guess?

[caramelcalum]

mgc 💜

[svnoohe4rts]

Soooooooooo are we ever gonna tall about the moodboard djdjdjdkffkf u need one for game over? 😏😏 jk

omg i swear i replied to ur reply on my post yesterday but for some reason dumblr isn’t posting my replies ??? this happened to me earlier this week too dumblr sort ur shit out

oh no genie .. no no … it’s no hoeseung .. it’s something right up ur alley … all i have to say is the line “call me in the morning to apologize, every little lie gives me butterflies” from teeth by 5sos … nevertheless inspired … more specifically PARK JAE-EON inspired ……. u see where this is going yet ….? yes u guessed it right with no other than PARK SUNGHOON HIMSELF

i’m leaving the rest up to ur imagination but the idea came into my mind & i don’t make mood boards but i know u do & u make amazing ones 😁🫶

[mirkwoodshewolf]

A new kind of competition RA on the Masked singer pt. 1

*Author’s note*

Hey guys well like I said on my last post, this is the 1st part of my Masked Singer chapter. And let me just tell you after literally MONTHS of trying to figure out a playlist for this chapter I FINALLY came to a good playlist that I could see the Rock Angel doing if she were to compete in the Masked Singer. So follow along and listen to the songs I’ve listed if you really wanna get into the mood of it and I hope you all enjoy this fun little chapter and until next time :)

Taglist:

@bohemiansweede

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@psychosupernatural

@ixchel-9275

@simonedk

@queensdivas

@queen-paladin

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@queendeakyy

@5sos-wdw

@wormzteef

@geek-and-proud

@starswin

@labessieisallama

@isabella-bby

@naturalswifty89

@ssa-sadboi

@onebigfangirlworld

_________________________________________________________

*February 2021*

This was a whole new game changer for me, but I’m happy I signed up for it.  While visiting my son Georgie (through a very brief period when the pandemic was at a standstill, before the States closed down again), I had been asked by the Producers of NBC’s “The Masked Singer” if I’d be willing to participate in the show.

Having seen the show through Youtube videos and even seeing the UK’s version of it back home during our lockdown, I immediately hopped on board and said I would do it.  But of course being as secretive as this show was, they forbad me from telling anyone or announcing it on Social media, if I even breathed a word of my appearance on the show to anyone, they’d revoke it and kick me out of the show.

The character that they had chosen for me was the Lioness and boy was she a gorgeous creature.  Much like how they had the Lion all the way back in Season one, she was pure gold however she wasn’t covered with armor like the Lion was. I had asked for some flexibility to the outfit cause I wanted to give the audience a side of me that they’ve never seen before.  I wanted to be able to move much like Bow-Wow did on the last season of the Masked Singer as the Frog.

They took some of my ideas into consideration on allowing the outfit to have that flexibility for me to dance my heart out. I wore platform high-heeled boots much like I always did back when I first started off as the Rock Angel.

I also wanted to honor Freddie in a way with my outfit.  I had asked for the gloves if it could be possible if we could add some diamond claws. I showed them (whatever pictures I could find of the 1974 Rainbow concert. Thank you all for the lovely gifs) just so they could get the idea and when the costume dept. saw it, they fell in love with the idea.  They even agreed to shape the diamonds as real lioness claws.

Once the costume was fully complete and I got to put it on for the first time, it felt like I had actually become The Lioness. Of course it came with a price too, I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone, even when I just had to go around with the mask, I was given the famed DON’T TALK TO ME black hoodie so that no one was able to hear my real voice.

I was also forbidden from talking to the other contestants as well as hear them rehearse until we would begin filming the episodes.  I was placed into GROUP B along with creatures such as the Piglet, Black Swan, the Chameleon, and Grandpa Monster.  I was also told that there would be some major game changers this season but no one, not even the judges knew just what those changes were, only the Host.

Weeks and weeks of rehearsals and performing each of my songs that I had picked out and wanted to do, never did I think I’d get as far as I did.  But I could care less about the trophy, I just enjoy singing and this was a whole new game changer cause now my fans get to see a whole new side of me that they never do get to see on stage with me.

Sure I’ve had courage to go up on stage constantly, overcome every obstacle known to man, hell even stay a sane person after having a rough childhood, but the Lioness has given me courage to do things that I’ve never done before on stage, whether performing with my boys, by myself, or with other singers that I’ve performed/toured with.  Back then or present day.

And I hope you all can guess correct just who is beneath the Lioness mask. Enjoy my dears.

*GROUP B PREMIERE EPISODE*

“Alright! Alright! Alright!” the current host of MS5 Niecy Nash said after the last contestant Black Swan performed her opening song.  “Now this next contestant is gonna prove that she belongs on this stage. Give it up….for the Queen herself! The Lioness!”

The crowd cheered and I walked out with the Men in Black strutting down with pride in each step.  I greeted the audience with the royal wave before standing next to Niecy.  Even though I could vaguely see out of this mask, I still had some sense of the stage.

“Oooo girl you are stunning to look at look at this ya’ll ain’t see a Queen or what?!”

“She looks amazing!” I heard Jenny exclaim.

“Yeah I’m jealous look at those claws of hers. I wish I had those.” Nicole stated.  I gave them a sexy clawing motion with my hands as they all hooted and hollered.

“I agree with you Nicole. Now let’s find out some clues on just who this Queen Lioness is.” Through the TV, I knew my first clue package would be playing.  Here’s out it went down.

You would see a 3 layered rock platform, on smaller rock, one slightly taller in the middle and finally a large boulder that stood tall like a throne with me sitting on top of it.

“Welcome to my Pride. Being the top lioness isn’t always easy but it’s all worth it in the end. Something that I believe the world could benefit from.” The screen would change to me walking along a virtual plain with various animals.  “Growing up, we weren’t allowed to really show our true colors as much as we can now. If you were even slightly different from the rest of the world, you were condemned.” A zebra with the LGBTQ patterns for its stripes came up.

“An LGBTQ flag. Could be a member of it.” Pointed out Robin Thicke.

“But it still hurts me to see that even as society begins to change, there are those that still cling to the old ways of life.”

“Maybe a politician. This is a lot of politics going on here.” Nicole stated.  The screen changed to me holding the world in the palm of my hands.  I crushed the world down.

“I just hope that one day the world will come to understand that we are all One people, one world.” I opened my hands up and soon a rainbow appeared before ending my 1st clue package.

The stage was dark except for one spotlight shining down on me.  Well more like half of me, half of my body remained in the shadows while the other half was sparkling under the spotlight as I spoke with my American accent, the voice modulator turning off for my performance.

“We are a nation with multi-graphic boundaries. Bound together through our beliefs. We are like-minded individuals, sharing a common vision. Pushing toward a world rid of color loins.” Already I could see that people were trying to figure out who I was by hearing my real voice, but due to me American accent and natural British accent being two completely different voices, it was throwing people for a loop.

I then did Janet’s famed countdown with my right hand before the song came on full force and I and my backup dancers began to dance the Rhythm Nation dance.  ALL in perfect unison.

The crowd went insane and I could even see the judges standing up in shock as well as cheering.  I strutted towards the mic stand at the corner of the stage and began to sing.  My natural alto range came forth and I could see the audience singing along and even do some of the dance moves to the song, especially once the chorus hit.

I strutted across the stage before I would rejoin and lead the pride that was my dancers in the famed dance, before strutting forward on the stage, coaxing the audience to cry the chorus out loudly.

*Me*

With music by our side To break the color lines Let's work together To improve our way of life Join voices in protest To social injustice A generation full of courage Come forth with me

People of the world today Are we looking for a better way of life We are a part of the rhythm nation People of the world unite Strength in numbers we can get it right One time (Sing it up!) We are a part of the rhythm nation

My backup dancers and I then did probably the most difficult dance break that Janet had set for all dancers to perform in perfect unison.

“She’s has got this dance DOWN!!” exclaimed Nicole.

“This has to be a natural singer!” Jenny told Robin who agreed.

“No question!”

*Me*

Rhythm Nation baby!

Sing it for the children Sing it for the people

Rhythm Nation baby

Sing it for the man!

We are a part of a Rhythm Nation!

My dancers and I saluted and the crowd went absolutely berserk from my first number.

“Yaas Queen!” I heard Niecy exclaim as she came up to me.  “Lioness all up here slaying it!” I gave a graceful bow (as low as I could go without the mask falling off) and she said. “Judges what did you all think of our lovely Lioness’s performance.”

“Niecy you don’t need to say anything else cause you summed it up! I think we are in the presence of a true performer here.” Nicole first started off.

“Agreed. Never did we see someone actually have the guts to pull off—probably one of the hardest choreography dances ever!” Jenny agreed.

“Alright judges now you know the drill. It’s time to put your first impression guesses into the tour bus.” I could see some of them complaining as they wrote down their guesses on who I was as the little tour bus came through to collect their First Impression guesses.  “Now then, do any of you have any clues on just who this Queen of the Beasts could be, let’s start with you Mr. Robin.”

“Wha Me? Oh man….” The rest of the panel laughed at his misery while I mimed a laugh by putting my hand to my opened mouth mask. “I mean—this could literally be anyone but based off the clue package she spoke a lot about the world and people around it. So this definitely isn’t someone who is recently famous. She’s been around for a while.”

“Whatcha trying to say Robin that she’s old?” Niecy defended me as I got into a fighting position.

“Oh Robin you’re about to get mauled by the Lioness!” Ken teased him.

“No, no, no, no! Not insinuating anything!”

“Cause you know you never insult a woman’s age there Robin Thicke!” Niecy exclaimed.

“Tell him mommy!” Ken cheered.

“Sit down Kenneth!”

“Yes ma’am.” He said as he sat down on his chair.

“Where I was going with this is that maybe she came from an era where it wasn’t okay to bring about your sexuality or gender.”

“True, true.” Nicole agreed with him.

“And seeing the LGBTQ pattern on the zebra, I’m thinking this might be Shea Diamond.”

“Okay, okay not a bad guess.”

“I’m afraid I’m gonna have to disagree with you there Robin. I’ve listened to Shea Diamond sing and that’s not her.” Ken said.

“Then who do you think it is Ken?” asked Nicole.

“Okay I know exactly who this is.” Oh god here we go. “Okay from the clue package alone there was obviously the LGBTQ brand with the Zebra. Maybe she’s an advocate for the LGBTQ community. I’m going with Lady Gaga!”

Okay not a bad guess but it’s not her.  I could see some of the audience pondering Ken Jong’s rare, good guesses.

“Well Lioness whoever you are, you are a star.” Jenny stated as she pointed at me.  I blew her a kiss and Niecy said.

“Now Lioness before we go, I have to ask you. How long did it take you to do that dance?” I put the mic up to the thinnest part of my mask and answered with my voice modulator now on, making me sound like a warm, motherly Chipette.

“It took months actually, but I’m a fast learner when it comes to dancing.” I hinted that little clue and only my super fans would realize that I love to dance, especially when it was with my Brother Mine back in the day.

“Okay. Well give it up one more time for the Lioness!” the crowd applauded and I waved goodbye before walking off the stage.

After all the performances of Group B went, we all lined up and found out just who among us was going home for the first round in our group.  It was suspenseful but the votes were in and Grandpa Monster was the one to be eliminated from the first round.

I was safe for now.  I just hope I can keep going on and maybe go all the way.

*ROUND 2*

It was now Round 2 and I was going to perform after the Chameleon.  I heard him do the song “21 Questions” by 50 Cent ft. Nate Dogg.  I’ll admit he was an impressive performance, especially with how he can rap so my best guess is that he could be a rapper.  Unfortunately, I’m not quite educated in my rappers (plus one rapper in particular still gives me a bad vibe after what he did) so I wouldn’t know who to begin guessing if I were an audience member.

After going to a commercial break it was now time for me to perform my second song choice that both me and the Producers thought would be a good fit for me.

“This Queen last time she crushed it with Janet’s Rhythm Nations, and now she’s back to hopefully crush it once more. Let’s dig up some more clues on the Lioness.”

The next clue package stood as followed:

“I’ll admit, 1st round I was terrified. Never have I done something like this before. But once I got up on stage, I overcame that fear and just sang. In fact, it was music that helped me overcome my shyness.” I told the camera.

I opened up a closet and inside it was my Red Special guitar, a pair of drum sticks and a Fender Bass guitar (the one that Deacy always played with).

“Growing up I had very low self-esteem. I was shy, insecure, and thought I’d never amount to anything.”

“Aww that’s so sad.” Nicole awed.  “Don’t worry I’ve been there too honey.”

“But when I found music, it changed my life. I would become a whole different person everytime I played an instrument. Or just sang to myself.” I picked up the Bass guitar and strummed it. “I especially loved the Rock and Roll artists growing up. Just seeing them perform live, gave me the confidence I needed to one day reach a dream of becoming a Rockstar myself. And low and behold it came true.”

I was now performing on stage with the Men in Black surrounding me pretending to be crazy fans holding up signs with hearts and I love you Lioness.

“So I’m here to say that if you feel like you’re alone out there in the world, or feel like it’s against you. Just listen and jam out to some of your fav tunes. Because in them, Life creates a new path for you.” I did a wind-mill and my mask gave a gleam at the right eye, symbolizing a wink.

The lights were dark and I took a deep breath in before exhaling out.  Soon the guitar strum of “Eye of the Tiger” came on before I threw my fist in the air with each punch the guitar gave, while fire spurted from the stage.

The crowd cheered as Survivor’s most popular song came through the speakers and I went up to the mic stand and sung my heart out. I changed a word or two just to make it fit more towards me but it didn’t take away the effect my song had on the audience.

The backup band was jamming out to the song with one lioness on the guitar and a male lion at the drums and another male one on the bass.  I belted out the last note

*Me*

Rising up, back on the street Did my time, took my chances Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet Just a girl and her will to survive

So many times it happens too fast You trade your passion for glory Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past You must fight just to keep them alive

It's the eye of the tiger It's the thrill of the fight Rising up to the challenge of our rival And the last known survivor Stalks her prey in the night And she's watching us all with the eye

Of the Tiger

The eye of the tiger The eye of the tiger The eye of the Lioness

At the very last explosion of fireworks and fire, I punched my hand in the air and the crowd cheered.

“YASSS LIONESS!!!” I could hear Nicole cheering from the panel booth as she pointed at me.  Ken Jong, Jenny and Robin all bowed before my performance as Niecy came back up and she said.

“And the Queen slays us AGAIN!!” I bowed before her and took her hand and pressed it to my open mouth giving her a ‘kiss’. “Oh and I’m getting a royal kiss from the Queen herself!”

“Lucky mommy!” Ken proclaimed.

“Sit your butt down son! Panel, what did you think of that song?”

“Lioness, you took us to a real rock concert. I mean the fire, the electric guitar. And I think I even saw you doing a little air guitar in there somewhere!” Jenny said.  I shrugged guiltily.  Yeah I did do a little air guitar, come on I know you all do it too! “But that was a killer performance!” I bowed my head in gratitude.

“What made you choose that song in particular?” Niecy asked me.

“It’s always a good rock anthem. You can just let yourself loose and not have a care in the world. And it really got me through my 1st year of being who I am today.” That got the panelists attention.

“Alright so we went through your personal journal and found out just who exactly your childhood crush was. Men in Black! Bring out the 1st crush clue!” Niecy announced as two of the men in Black came out with a large flat platform with a sheet over it.  “I’m excited to see just who it is you had a crush on. Now let’s see who it is…..”

Niecy took off the sheet and it revealed the late great Prince.

“It’s Prince!” exclaimed Nicole.

“Okay! Okay I see you Lioness! Little chocolate love there.” I laughed and said into my microphone.

“First thing I always notice about a man are his eyes. And growing up, Prince stole my heart with those eyes.”

“You sure it wasn’t also his dance moves?” Niecy asked me with a ‘for real’ look.

“Mm that too.” Everyone laughed before Niecy asked the judges.

“Okay so any guesses panel on just who this could be? Let’s start with you Jenny.”

“Oh my god why!?” we all laughed. “Okay going off by the tonality of your voice. You are truly a Rock star under there, there’s no way you could be a Pop artists or rapper under there. And my guess in Pink.”

A very good guess. In fact when Pink came on the music scene, everyone thought she was trying to copy my voice but she’s a total talented artist on her own. That’s all her voice, and I’m proud to have not only mentored her, but become her very dearest friend and confidant.

“Yeah it does kinda sound like Pink. But the clues didn’t really point out to her.” Nicole said.

“What you thinking Scherzinger?” Niecy asked.

“Okay so we saw LGBTQ last time but I also took notice of the instruments that were in this week’s clue package.  The red guitar specifically.” Oh shit she’s got it. “And I remember seeing this performer on my 12th birthday. I’m going with the Rock Angel (Y/n) Kline.”

“Ooo okay. Not a bad guess Nicole.”

“Yeah it could be the Rock Angel but it’s not!” Ken bluntly said.

“Oh god here we go again.” Jenny said as she flopped against her chair.

“In the clue package we did see the guitars and the drumsticks. And Sticks rhymes with what? Nicks. Stevie Nicks welcome to the Masked Singer!” Oh god Ken.

No way could I ever be compare to Stevie Nicks! She’s way above me and no way could I ever be better than her or do her vocal ranges like she can do.

“Ken I swear I’m about to hit you in the head with this pen.” Nicole said.

“Alright, alright, alright calm down up there. Look no matter who is under here, let’s agree that the Lioness gave yet another rockin performance. Give it up for the Lioness everybody!” I walked backstage.

“The panel has given some good guesses. But there’s gonna be surprised to see just who I am. And—”

On your screens it would’ve staticed up and there on screen is the infamous Rooster with clues, Cluedle-Doo.  The rooster that’s been helping the viewers at home guess just who is under each mask, while also trying to get people to guess who he is.

“So sorry Lioness but I’m here to give the audience a little bit more than you’re letting on. Don’t let her voice fool you for she’s a Lioness that lives……across the pond.” His deep voice spoke to the camera as he walked over to his map with a pushpin pointed right at England.

“Hold on what was that? Something fishy is going on around here, and I’m gonna find out what.” I told the camera as I waved my fist.

A couple more performances later as well as the reveal of our group’s Wildcard, The Crab and it was time to reveal who was going to be unmasked.  I almost feared that I was gonna be the one to go home since Nicole had said my name and the fans would demand that I be unmasked.

But when Niecy read out that the Crab was gonna have to be unmasked I sighed with relief but I was also sad for the crab. He actually performed well tonight and I wanted to see just how far he was gonna go.  As me and the rest of the group that was safe headed back to our rooms, I kept thinking to myself just how was I gonna make it through without making my voice sound too obvious.

*ROUND 3*

 Okay. This round is sure to throw them off my scent this time.  This is a song I’d never thought I’d do but it’s the only way to keep me going to the next round and not risk getting unmasked.

“Her last two performances have been killer! Now it’s time to see what else she’s got up her paws. Release, the Lioness!” Niecy announced.

The LIONESS; THE CLUES.

I was staring into my reflection at a watering hole.

“This has been a wild ride for me. Most fun I’ve ever had in years.” The letters MSG flashed on the screen written within the mud.

“MSG? Madison Square Garden?” asked Ken.

“But I’m here to show that I truly belong here and deserve a shot to go the Distance.”

“Go the Distance. Isn’t that a song from a Disney film?” asked Robin.

“Yeah Hercules. Could she be in an adaptation of Hercules?” Jenny said.

“So for this next performance, I’m gonna do a song I’ve never done before, and hopefully that will keep me in with the pride and out of the spotlight for just a little while longer.”

I stood there with the spotlight on me, the mic stand right in front of me as Miley Cyrus’s song “Wrecking Ball” came on.  The last time this song had been used on this show was way back during Season 1 with Mrs. Gladys Knight.  And she did a phenomenal job with her rendition of the song.  However I had a little something extra up my sleeve.

I started off with a smooth, ballad like tone for the opening using my hands and arms to give forth a more deeper emotion as I sang the song.  Before I finally unleashed the fire within me.

Like Freddie always did back in the day when Queen first started off, I tore the mic stand off the rest of it and fell into the passion of the chorus using the mic-stand like a sledgehammer when I could. I could see everyone lip-syncing the chorus and even the judges were singing along to the song.

I went back to my ballad like tone as I was kneeling on the ground looking up towards the heavens before standing back up and slowly walked towards the back of the stage as the lights dimmed down to only a spotlight on me.

When the 2nd chorus came back on, I pulled out my big surprise.  When the lights came fully on, a makeshift Wrecking ball stood in the middle of the stage. In order for me to fully be on it with this costume, the Wrecking ball was built around a swing-set and was hidden within the walls of the Wrecking ball, but I could stick my feet through a curtain that would give the illusion of me actually being on a Wrecking Ball (much like Miley was).

Everyone in the audience was losing their minds, I even saw Nicole getting really into the song as she would raise and circle her arms in the air.  I kept swinging back and forth as I continued to sing until my final note.

*Me*

We clawed, we chained, our hearts in vain We jumped, never asking why We kissed, I fell under your spell A love no one could deny

Don't you ever say I just walked away I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball I never hit so hard in love All I wanted was to break your walls All you ever did was wreck me Yeah, you, you wreck me

I never meant to start a war I just wanted you to let me in And instead of using force I guess I should've let you win I never meant to start a war I just wanted you to let me in I guess I should've let you win

Don't you ever say I just walked away I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball I never hit so hard in love All I wanted was to break your walls All you ever did was wreck me

I  came in like a wrecking ball Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung Left me crashing in a blazing fall All you ever did was wreck me Yeah, you, you wreck me

Yeah, you, you wreck me

This was probably my best performance of this entire competition.  No way was the audience gonna unmask me yet.  I got off of my makeshift Wrecking Ball and Niecy came up bowing before me.

“OH MY GOD!!!” Nicole and Jenny both exclaimed.

“The Queen remains on top!” at that point the crowd began cheering my character in a rhythm clap.

“LI-ON-ESS! LI-ON-ESS! LI-ON-ESS!!!” I coaxed them to keep chanting with my hands, going in time with their claps.

“Pardon my language but that performance definitely had balls.” Niecy said which made all of us laugh.  

“This is definitely the first time in Masked Singer history that someone was even able to do that with costumes like these.” Robin said.

“Lioness tell us how do you feel after that performance?” asked Niecy.

“Tired.” That got a good laugh out of the audience and the panel. “But it’s all worth it cause it’s either go big or go home. And I definitely do not wanna go home just yet.”

“Well we definitely don’t want you to go Superstar.” Jenny told me.  I gave her a heart shape ‘I Love you’ with my hand and pointed at her and she accepted it and sent one back to me.

“So any clues that you guys might’ve picked up on?”

“I’ll start off.” Ken said.

“Oh boy, here we go.” Robin said as Nicole laughed and I placed my hands on my hips.  This outta be good Dr. Ken.

“Okay so in this clue package we saw the acronym MSG. What’s that stand for? Madison. Square. Garden. This actress was born in Manhattan, NY. She can sing because she played a Porcupine in a film this my friends is none other than Black Widow herself, SCARLETT JOHANSSON!!”

“No! No way that’s Scarlett!” exclaimed Jenny.

“Have you seen the movie Sing? That’s totally her voice!”

“No it’s not!” Jenny argued back.

“Maybe not but Lioness might be connected to Scarlett in a way.”

“What you got cooking in that brain of yours Mr. Robin Thicke?” Niecy asked him.

“Well going through the clue package we saw the LGBTQ obviously, she is known for speaking up for the community especially since a few friends of hers are a part of that community. I’m gonna go with Nicole and say this is the Rock Angel.”

“Okay. Okay not a bad guess.”

“Just hearing the voice alone it just makes me think of her.”

“Yeah but the Rock Angel wouldn’t be able to do what Lioness did.” Jenny tried to argue.

Oh she don’t know me very well, does she? I’ve got some moves in these old bones Jenny.

“Well whoever is under that mask. This was definitely your best performance not only for you but for the show itself. I don’t think we’ll ever have a number quite like that again.” Nicole said.

“I agree girlfriend. Alright Lioness, you head on backstage and rest up. You’ve earned it honey.” I waved to the audience and left to go backstage.

“That was probably the—toughest performance of my life. With or without the costume.” I laughed.  “But I gave it my all and win or lose, I’m glad I did this show.”

After the elimination of the newest Wildcard the Bulldog.  Which wasn’t according to the votes, but by Niecy’s own will, Bulldog was revealed to be none other than Nick Cannon.  Who had returned to host the show after recovering from his COVID scare.

It was a huge surprise to see him back and actually competing in the show.  Although he wished he could’ve gone onward with the show but he was just happy to be back with the judges and to see us progress onward into the final few rounds.

After that filming, I was in my trailer resting after that performance, having the fan on full blast to try and take away my sweat, I phone rang and I saw Brian’s handsome, wrinkly face pop up on the screen.

“Hey Bri what’s up?”

‘Oh nothing much really. Just been……fiddling around with Red Special, keeping Anita company, and above all trying not to lose our minds over the lockdown.’

“I hear yah. America’s really been trying to tighten the leash on restrictions. But of course stubborn Americans, especially Trump supporters are still denying this pandemic and refusing to wear their face masks.”

‘Right up arseholes I tell yah. This isn’t some conspiracy thing. It’s real life.’

“I know Brian. But let’s change the subject before you go off on an angry rant and have another heart attack.”

‘You’re right, you’re right sorry. The reason I called was because I want you to clarify something for me.’

“Clarify what?”

‘Well. I don’t know if you’ve seen my Instagram lately. But our followers are telling me that I should ask you if you’re a part of a show called the Masked Singer?’

“The Masked Singer? Which version? Cause you know we’ve recently got one too now.”

‘They’re saying that you could be the Lioness on the American version. Is it true?’

“Bri. Come on. I’m in lockdown with my son during a pandemic, I run on the high risk factor due to my recent high blood pressure. Why would I do a show like that?”

‘They’re pretty adamant about it. So come on (n/n). Tell me the truth.’

“No Brian Harold May. I am not the Lioness. Besides even if I were, it’d be too obvious. Everyone knows I’m Roger’s lion cub. If I were to choose a creature, I’d be a griffin or White-wolf.”

‘Okay. If you say so. Stay safe out there love.’

“You too Bri. Hopefully, America can get their shit together so that I can fly back home soon. I miss you and Rog and Jack. How are they by the way?”

‘Well that husband of yours is still working hard to preserve the peace in London. Hardly any serious criminal activity, just rotter’s not wanting to wear their face masks inside local buildings. Rog is good, he’s been posting up a lot more on his Instagram lately. Been asking about you and worried sick over you.’

“Some things never change. Alright Bri well I know it’s pretty late over there, so get some sleep. You’ve probably never slept in this late in so long your body must be aching for it.”

‘Yeah I suppose your right. Have a good night love. Love you.’

“I love you too Bri. Bye.” He said goodbye and I hung up on him.  “Bloody hell that was close. Thank god he didn’t hit facetime, otherwise he would’ve been suspicious.”

*ROUND 4*

Now it was time to change things up with this weeks performance.  I’ve been giving out killer hard-rock/pop songs but now it was time to allow the audience to just solely focus on my vocals alone.  Plus this performance was in dedication to a very special someone.

“Now here to wow us once again and seeing if we can dig up more clues on her identity. Here’s the Lioness.” Nick Cannon announced.

THE CLUE PACKAGE. THE LIONESS

“Being on this show has really meant a lot to me.” The screen showed my last performance as well as my 1st performance. “But now I’m gonna take things back and really allow you guys to get to know me.”

I was in my ‘house’ writing at my desk a letter. And on the laptop it said a number code. 149121.

“Oh wow a number code. 149121.” Jenny said.

“Throughout my career I’ve met a lot of great people. But unfortunately I’ve had to say goodbye to some of them, some gone far too soon. Others for other personal reasons.”

“So she’s lost someone. Maybe a partner.”

“This one person in particular even though he’s still around physically, I had no choice but to let him go. We practically did everything together. But I understood why he did what he did, and I never pressured him to come back to the spotlight.” I touched a shadow figure of a male lion. “So this performance is for my brother. And I hope he’s living out a happy life doing whatever it is he wants to. I will always love you forever, my Brother Mine.”

It was just me up there with the spotlight down on me.  I took a deep breath in before softly exhaling.  This one’s for you Deacy.  I opened my mouth and sung my next song, “I will always love you” by Whitney Houston.

The audience was in tranced by voice alone, some of them pressing their hands to their hearts and I could swear I saw some of the judges already starting to cry.  When the bridge came up, I thought back to all the memories Deacy and I had together.

Playing the bass, me sitting the Deaklings when they were little babies, us always dancing together at the after parties (after some liquid courage).  To the big moments whenever the two of us were on stage together and we’d interact with each other.

Him doing his “Disco moves” on stage during our sets, or how during the medley’s during the “Kind of Magic tour” we’d be the ones to stand together as he played his bass and I would have my acoustic guitar or tambourine on me.  Remembering his happy smile, the way his eyes wrinkled whenever he’d smile that adorable, gapped tooth smile of his.

*Me*

If I should stay, I would only be in your way

So I'll go, but I know

I'll think of you every step of the way

And I will always love you

I will always love you

I hope life treats you kind

And I hope you have all you've dreamed of

And I wish to you joy and happiness

But above all this, I wish you love

Finally I unleashed the power that my voice had gained throughout the years.  As the lights danced about with the beat of the song as well as my voice, the audience cheered as I belted out that famed last bit of the chorus.  Some were in tears while others were just in awe.  Ken and Nicole were dabbing their eyes trying to rid of their tears while Jenny and Robin were just shaking their heads in pure awe.

I don’t know if you’ll ever see this Brother Mine, but if you do, know that this performance is for you.  I hope you’re happy, safe, and healthy.  Both physically and mentally.

*Me*

And I will always love you

I will always love you

I will always love you

I will always

Love you

I will always love you

I, I will always

Love you

You, darling, I love you

Ooh, I'll always,

I'll always love you

I held out the last note as I slowly extended my arms before finally ending the song.  The audience cheered and applauded for another killer performance.

“Unbelievable! The lioness really pulling the heartstrings now!” Nick said as he came up and stood beside me.  “You even had me going there for a second there Lioness.” I gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder.

“Oh my god Lioness, let me just say. Your last few performances you were slaying and killing it with hardcore dancing, rock and roll and semi-aerial stuff. But this week……we truly got to see your voice. And that—rawness it just……you have me in tears.” Nicole said as she continued to wipe away her tears.

“I agree with Nicole.” Robin said.  I gave them a bow of my head.  “It’s—it’s really rare when we see female artists do such songs on this stage. Especially one as difficult as that song in particular. But you were the perfect voice to sing that song.”

“Thank you Robin.”

“Now it’s time to find out just what is inside the Mind of our Lioness. If you would just quickly step on over to our mind-reader. We would like to see just what’s within your Lioness brain.” I walked over to the machine that was gonna give an extra clue as to who I was.  “Scanning, scanning, scanning and it is…..a Police badge.”

I stepped out from the machine and walked back towards Nick.

“Do we have another Jackson family member on our hands?” asked Ken.  I remember thinking back to La Toya Jackson who was “the Alien”.

“Unlike Ms. Jackson I’m not a police officer. But I am directly involved with them.” The audience ooed.

“That give you any guesses panel?” Nick asked.

“Not a single one.” Jenny shook her head which made us laugh.

“Indirectly involved with the police. I mean does that mean she’s an informant? Reality star maybe?” Ken suggested.

“Maybe she played one on TV. Maybe it’s Priyanka Chopra.” Robin added.

“Yeah cause of her role in Quantico.” Nicole agreed.

“No guys I don’t think it’s Priyanka. It really doesn’t sound like her. Lioness has a more richer tone than she does.”

“Well we’re stumped!” Ken said as he sat down on his chair throwing his hands up in surrender.

“Oh now don’t give up son!”

“I can’t do it daddy! Just take off the mask and show us who you are Lioness!” Ken demanded but I shook my head and placed my index finger over my masked lips in shush.

“She knows the drill. Well you wowed us with your vocals, go on and head backstage. Give it up one more time for her royal highness the Lioness everybody.”

“That performance……really took a lot out of me. I was even crying at one point under the mask. But I hope I secured a spot for the Super 8.”  As I take my leave, the infamous Cluedle-Doo shows up and he tells the camera.

“Another infamous secret you might want to know about the Lioness here is that she also has ties in with space. Look at these stars, does it give you any hints? Because 2 people she cares about study it.”

“Oh it’s you! Come back you yah cocky Rooster! I’m really gonna turn you into fried chicken now!” I exclaimed as I chased after the Rooster whose been trying to give away more secrets about me.  He gobbled out in laughter as he ran away.

[moral-turpitudes]

Thanks for the tags @nofckingfighting @flysafepapi! 😊

Name/Nickname: Katelyn, Katie, Kate, Kat, KK.

Gender: Female

Star sign: Pisces

Height: 5’0”

Time: 3:27 AM

Birthday: March 18th!

Favorite bands/groups: 5sos obv, Fleetwood Mac, (liked them before tik tok lol thanks parents), The Eagles, Queen, The Brook & The Bluff (their harmonies are *chefs kiss*), Elliot Root, etc.

Favorite solo artist: Atm, Harry Styles 😌✨

Song stuck in your head: Send Me On My Way by Rust Root (idk why lol)

Last movie: Free Fire (haven’t had the motivation to watch movies recently)

Last show: Hannibal

When did I create this blog: August 26th 2016 (?) year is iffy and I only remember the date bc it’s my best friends birthday :)

What do I post: random shit like memes and fanfics that I read or write, activism and occasional political things, gifs/posts about Peaky blinders, and aesthetic things like nature/travel pics, mood boards, architecture, design etc.

Last thing I googled: “tik tok song girl yelling” it made me anxious cuz it was very loud lol, but I feel old for googling it lmao. Turns out it was Stunna Girl 😅

Other blogs: a photography/aesthetic(ish) blog @artistiquex I’m never active there so I may delete it at some point.

Do I get asks: yes! I get so hype when I get a couple every week or so.

Why did I choose my url: so I’m considering changing it so smallheath(something?) cuz it seems catchy but I feel like I’ve branded myself now 😂 I may have to stay irishwhiskeys. BUT I did choose my current one bc I’m a hoe for Thomas Shelby and I feel like besides cigarettes, his main like personal theme and love is whiskey, so I just used what he liked but also wanted it to be something you had to think about.

Following: 1,116

Followers: 2,375

Average hours of sleep: 6-8? I go to bed hella late and wake up at noon so I guess it evens out lol

Lucky number: 5 I guess

Instrument: I love lots of them but can only very badly, play twinkle twinkle little star on the piano 👀😂

What am I wearing: black yoga pants and a light blue WKU shirt (university I went to) *look up the mascot, their name is big red and has no gender but we love their gum-drop looking ass all the same*

Dream job: set designer I guess or an artist that isn’t starving, but for some ungodly reason set designer could be more attainable. I have no acting experience tho and don’t want any, I just want to help design the sets without going into more debt cuz college so I guess it may stay a dream. 👀😂

Dream trip: travel Europe, more specifically like Ireland, Scotland, Germany, Poland, Wales, etc (all my white ass ancestors are from these places, also I just want to leave America 🥴)

Favorite food: Brownies or ice cream...or brownies AND ice cream 🤤

Nationality: American 🤮

Favorite song: shit idk, my latest obsession is the unreleased masterpiece that is “In This Room” from Cillians movie “The Delinquent Season” by Ed Sheeran and Ryan McMullan. YouTube or SoundCloud has it.

Last book I read: Home Body by Rupi Kaur

Top three fictional worlds: Peaky Blinders ofc, Divergent (the other books and movies were good but the first one is always the best also Theo James can fuck me uuuup), Criminal Minds, I love me some Spencer Reid-I also almost wanted to be in forensic science/criminology/mortuary science but I remembered I get too emotional and anxious and nervous around most authority figures for some reason so it would probs not be the best for me mentally lmao.

Tagging: @wowjeena, @shelundeadxxxx, @peakyrogers, @softmelly, @caelys and anyone else who wants to do this! :)

[theoreticslut]

For the ask game: hats, old cars, and sequins

Thank you for the ask beautiful!! ☺️💗

hats: what do you like to do in cities?

- I LOVE looking at the architecture, ESPECIALLY if it’s an older, historical city because you just know those building have seen so much and they’re just so beautiful. Like it’s crazy.

old cars: what’s the most fun word you know?

-Either ‘eutony’ which is the pleasantness of a word's sound or ‘toska’ which is a dull ache of the soul, a sick pining, or spiritual anguish.

-Also, yes, I am obsessed with insane, very-limited use words and have a list saved on my phone of them PLUS a whole pinterest board dedicated to them.

sequins: how do you name playlists?

- oh, uhm, sometimes its based on luke the mood of the playlist I’m going for. Other times it’s just the name of the artist if it’s just going to be the one artist. I have one titled ‘my boys’ that’s all one direction, 5sos, and the 1d boys solo music 😅💗 and then I’ve also got another one that’s literally just titled idk bc it’s such a random mix of shit. So i guess it just depends??

[honeyedlashton]

Tagged by @glossierluke

Tysm for tagging me!! I’m gonna tag as many people as I can think of but it’s really open for anyone. You can say I tagged you I don’t mind: @fuckyeah5sostakemehome @wrappedaroundyourvoodoodoll @i-like-5sos @sugarbabycas @notinthesameguey and anyone else who wants to answer these questions !!!

1. Name/nickname: dumb whore (coined by hemmoangel herself)

2. Gender: I guess girl but I use she/they pronouns now

3. Star sign: scorpio

4. Height: 5’7”

5. Time: 3:21 am

6. Birthday: November 19th

7. Favorite bands: Florence and the machine, 5sos, Paramore, queen.

8. Favorite solo artists: Hayley Williams, Marina, Rico nasty, Banks.

9. Song stuck in my head: “Easy” by Troye Sivan

10. Last movie: Tangled and also Age of Ultron. (It’s been a busy day)

11. Last show: Wandavision (I’m a few episodes behind no spoilers.)

12. When did I make this blog: June 2019

13. What I post: mood boards. I used to write fan fiction once upon a time. I haven’t written a one shot in over a year...oops

14. The last thing I googled: “2 of pentacles tarot meaning”

15. Other blogs: none

16. Do I get asks: rarely. It’s been a while :’)

17. Why I chose this url: I once wrote a one shot where Ashton used honey as lube on Luke—it was my first one so it was terrible and only hemmoangel has read it. And also cause of one of my friend’s Twitter handles is similar and i was feeling uninspired.

18. Following: 51

19. Followers: 488

20. Average hours of sleep: this week it’s been an average of like 7 hours maybe? (I’ve been trying to keep track)

21. Lucky number: I like 3s but I see 4s more often. (The number 205 used to show up on clocks for me, but it hasn’t for years)

22. Instruments: I know how to play “tear drops on my guitar” very slowly on guitar because I started practicing like two weeks ago, and then just stopped for no reason.

23. What am I wearing rn: green shorts, fuzzy socks, and one of my old high school shirts I don’t dare wear in public anymore.

24. Dream trip: Provence, France, or northern Italy. Also Peru. It’s always been a dream of mine to go to Peru.

25. Favorite foods: I could fuck up some pretzels with cheese sauce. And also spaghetti as a main meal cause a bitch is an anemic vegetarian and that shit absorbs iron into your body. (I want some rn)

26. Nationality: American

27. Favorite song: atm it’s “inordinary” by Hayley Williams

28. Last book I read: if fanfictions count then “Starboy” but if not then “mockingjay” cause I’m reliving my childhood. And Lemme tell you, shit still hits—especially after last June, and the last guy who was President. It just really hit a little different with 2020’s insight.

29. Top three fictional universes: twilight. Just a world with vampires and werewolves would be cool. And honestly I know it’s so 2013 of me to say this, but the city of bones universe (not the tv show, the books) that shit is cool asf. And I can’t really think of anything else other than like Star Wars. But I only want like Naboo, Alderaan (rip), Endor, and specifically Anakin and Padme’s entryway area of their apartment on Coruscant..

30. Favorite color: I like red, purple, orange, black, white, and yellow

[bi5sos]

a lil luke boyfriend moodboard i did a while ago and never gotten around to post

[jisungsmochi]

wherever you are - m.l part one

summary; based off the song by 5sos, mark is an aspiring idol. you convince him to audition for SM, even if it meant leaving you behind. but could your love conquer it all?

- shitty summary i know but just try and enjoy this ok, this song gets me emo

- also lowkey tried to find a gif to fit the mood of the imagine but failed lmao

- first time attempting proper angst so yah sorry if it sucks

- word count: 2.2k

—

for a while we pretended,

that we'd never have to end it

but we knew we'd have to say goodbye

"hey Mark!" you exclaimed while wrapping your arms around Mark's torso. you were both standing outside the school gates, ready to walk home together. he smiled at you brightly, pulling you to his side while beginning to walk. you stayed like that for a while until you spoke up,

"how was your day? i didn't get to see you much" you pouted, causing him to look down at you.

"it was good! i was discussing some music stuff with my teacher that's all" he rubs the back of his neck, you sensed there was something more.

"mhm okay, have you thought about he audition yet?" you regretted asking because that question lead to Mark stopping you both in the middle of the sidewalk.

a few weeks ago you had suggested that Mark audition for SM entertainment in Korea. you knew he had the talent and skills to get into the company, you believed in him whole heartedly. but once you told Mark, he got really tense and couldn't understand why you'd potentially want him to leave you. it wasn't your intention to make it out that way, you just wanted what would be best for him, but he didn't understand. you had an argument about it, but decided to push it away, only for it to be resurfaced at this point in time.

"why do you care so much about that?" he sighed, not trying to show that he was actually getting quite irritated.

"i just want what's best for you" you bowed your head to look at your shoes, unable to make eye contact with him.

"i know you do, but i want to stay here and be with you and go to university together" he mumbled just loud enough for you to hear, trying to get you to look at him.

"but what if we don't even go to the same university, Mark? you can't keep adjusting your life choices so they align with mine." you sighed, afraid of his reaction.

"y/n, how can you say that? is it bad that i want to stay with you? that i actually want us to work?" he started getting even more irritated with you at this point.

"of course i want to be with you, more than anything. but we have different paths in life we want to take. this could be your last chance to show everyone how talented you are. i want you to evolve, even if it means i won't be there" you bit your lip after the last part, regretting your choice of words.

"so what? is this the end of us?" you looked him right in the eyes by now. his eyes were watery, you saw as one tear rushed down his cheek. you wiped it away slowly with your thumb before holding his hands in yours.

"this is not the end of us. i want you to figure out what you want, and i will support you. but i really want you to consider your options. if it's meant to be, nothing will come between us" you assured him, rubbing your thumb slightly along his palm. he nodded gently, before continuing to walk with you. you weren't sure of what the future held, but atleast you had him now.

you were crying at the airport,

when they finally closed the plane doors,

i could barely hold it all inside

he held you tightly. almost too tight, but you didn't care. he was leaving for korea. you both knew he would have been able to make it, and he did. you were beyond proud of him, and he was so thankful to have you support him.

"i'm going to miss you so much" you mumbled into his chest, letting the tears fall, staining his shirt.

"i'm going to miss you too babe, i promise i will make you proud" he softly ran his hands up and down the side of your arms to calm you down. this is what he wanted. this is what he decided. and you couldn't go against that. but why did it feel so painful to see him leave?

Mark didn't cry. he didn't want you to see him break down because he knew he would run back into your arms. as his flight was being called, you held onto his hand tighter than ever before.

"don't forget me, Mark Lee. or i swear i'll come and beat your ass" you joked behind tears, wiping them in frustration.

"i could never forget you even if i tried" he gave a small smile before kissing the back of your hand, pulling you up from the seats and walking to the boarding area.

you still held onto his hand, soaking up his presence for as long as you could. he didn't stop admiring you, even though you were a complete mess at this moment, he still thought you were breathtaking.

"babe, i have to go now. i'll update you on everything! come and visit when school finishes okay? remember, i love you, always and forever" (gosh i totally ripped this off one tree hill sorry my dudes)

you nodded softly, before kissing him. this kiss felt different. it was filled with more emotion than any other kiss you two had shared. as you pulled away, your hands finally detached, his smile faded as he turned his back towards you and boarded the plane. he didn't want to show you that he was upset. that was just him though. as soon as he took his seat on the plane, the tears couldn't stop flowing out. his heart ached at the thought of leaving you, but he knew what he had ahead of him. he knew who he wanted to be, and that's all you had wanted for him.

torn in two,

and i know i shouldn't tell you but

i just can't stop thinking of you

wherever you are

as weeks went on, Mark would update you on his journey in korea. he would send you multiple photos of him doing weird poses near different scenery. he also told you about some of the new friends he's made, as well as how busy his schedule is. you planned to visit him one day, but you were just beginning your own journey through university and it didn't seem ideal for you to go at this moment. you would always update Mark on how you were doing, with fitting in and the work load you would receive.

you laid in bed one night, staring up at your ceiling in your new dorm room. you had multiple stuffed animals lined up beside you, most of them being gifts from Mark. you took one into your arms gently and sighed. you missed him, a lot. he also missed you. you were unsure of how things would unfold, but you had hope that you would be reunited soon. before shutting your eyes, you visioned Mark’s arms being wrapped around your torso, before drifting off to sleep.

[ 3 months later ]

you were well suited into the university lifestyle. you had memorised your time tables and different activities you signed up for. you also made some new friends, one of your best friends as of now, named Renjun. you had met him while you were walking on the streets, looking for a nice place to eat at. he was sketching some trees near a park, and by chance, you happened to observe his drawings. he sat alone, different materials spread out in front of him. you had a spare donut from your little food trip, so you offered it to him, while starting up a conversation.

you and renjun had been inseparable by then. you told him almost everything, especially about Mark.

you and Mark had been talking less frequently, his training had taken up a large portion of his time, pushing you out of the picture.

"hey y/n, are you alright?" Renjun asked while spinning on his chair at his desk. you were both studying in his room, but it consisted mainly of Renjun blasting music while you scrolled through stuff on your phone.

"y-yeah, just thinking i guess" you shrugged, playing with your fingers.

"thinking about Mark?" he sighed, knowing the distance had finally gotten to you at this point. he walked over to your space on the floor and sat beside you.

"yeah, it's just that, i want to call him! and tell him about everything! but he's just so busy and i don't want to bother him anymore than i already do" you groan, putting your head into your hands, an uneasy feeling surfacing your stomach.

"don't say that, i'm sure he wants to call you just as much!" Renjun tried to cheer you up by patting your shoulder softly, maybe he was right.

"it's not that, i'm just scared. i'm scared that he might have lost feelings for me or just doesn't want to see me anymore!" you let out a sigh, unable to express your feelings any further.

"y/n, i want to be honest here. nothing lasts forever, and nothing really stays the same. but if you feel like you have done your part in the relationship, then that's the best you could do! and that should be enough" Renjun laid his hand gently on your shoulder, giving it a small squeeze.

you looked up at him and gave him a sorrow smile, your eyes almost running with tears.

"i guess we'll have to find out what happens next" you sniffle a bit before packing your stuff and heading for his door.

"good luck, you know i'm always here for you" he smiled at you nervously before opening the door for you to leave.

once you had arrived at your dorm room, you dropped your bag onto the floor and slumped your body into your bed. your finger hovered over Mark’s contact name, unsure if you were ready for the confrontation. you needed closure, you needed to set things straight. you needed to stop worrying.

after almost five rings, Mark finally picked up. you could hear some discussions in the background, assuming he was practicing.

"uh hey y/n, what's up?" he spoke, sounding surprised, as expected.

"we need to talk, now." you sternly demanded, not caring if he was busy.

"but i'm kinda busy at the moment, can we just do this another time?" he tried to hurry you along, which you found almost disrespectful.

"when will that be? another three months? i'm sick of it, Mark. i'm sick of the half assed replies, i'm sick of the miscommunication, i'm sick of this distance!" you begin getting aggravated , shuffling around your bed. you heard him move to a quieter area as the noise was blocked out.

"where is this all coming from? i am putting in effort !" he retorted back at you, with a slight touch of disgust in his voice.

"you really don't get it, do you? it's not even about effort anymore! it's about us. and our feelings. i don't even know how you feel about me anymore, and that's what's hurting the most" you sounded small at this point, your voice lowering.

"how about you stop blaming me for everything? i feel different okay? things are different between us right now, and it's both our faults" he was beginning to get agitated himself now.

"it is both our faults, it's our fault, thinking that this would work." you muttered, frustrated tearing now pouring from your eyes.

"what are you saying? you want to break up?" his voice now sounded fragile. as if one more harsh comment would absolutely shatter him.

"you suggested it. i guess that's been on your mind" you mumble, not caring if he heard you at this point.

"y/n, i think that would be ideal right now. you're busy, i'm busy. we don't have time anymore. it would be for the best" he sighed heavily, his breath projecting to your side of the call.

"fine. if that's how this really is going to go down, i'm over it. don't bother contacting me after this, goodbye mark" the last two words were almost projected in a hostile manner. you didn't intend for it to come out as aggressive, but your emotions were over bearing, it seemed like the right thing to say.

after you hung up the call, you tossed your phone to the side and stared at the ceiling. your tears had somehow stopped by then, you held the same stuffed animal in your arms from many nights ago.

"i'll still be thinking about you, wherever you are"

—

A/N; Y’ALL CAN BET THERES GONNA BE A PART TWO, pls give me requests or feedback, idk. i’d just like my inbox to not be dry okay !!! thank you !!!

[duskholland]

Favourite blog(s)? Love your blog~♡ and you of course!

hi nonnie. I love you !!

before I dive in, I’m just going to disclose that I’m really deep in the ‘oh my god I love my friends so much???’ mood so it’s likely I’m just going to ramble at you for a wee while. I’ll try n keep it short. bottom line is, follow everyone I’m about to rec. also, I split the list into (approximate) fandoms to make it easier for myself aha. FOLLOW THEM ALL!

UPDATE: this took me an entire hour. I’m not kidding. I really…I really love my friends. it also ended up being so long that it required a keep reading…

Dylan // Teen Wolf (pretty much…):

@savage-stilinski gotta start off w my fave. I’ve known Julia since our 5sos days and we actually used to be in a group chat together about…geez…I have no idea how long it’s been? it feels like a million years ago. she’s lovely though. I love her n her blog is Quality Content. we’re also working on a collab that’ll be coming out soon so look out for that!!!

@isacclahys Krystal is a gem. that’s the bottom line. we’ve been pals forever and the day I stop recommending her blog and incredible writing is the day I kick the bucket. it’s all amazing; she’s the best. and also the only one I trust to correct my grammar 😂

@lovefilledtragedy gotta give some love to Audrey! she ruined my life by introducing me to Spring Awakening (it’s a musical. it’ll end you. it ended me). also,,,she has a really cute dog and she’s just ??? so, so lovely (Audrey but I guess this also applies to Cookie lmao) !! your dash will be improved x1000 by following her. 

@all-alone-he-turns-to-stone sticking w the theme of Audrey, this is another Audrey who I love love l o v e. she’s so friendly - so friendly - and her blog is just such a positive place to be!

@ninja-stiles Brittttttt! follow her!! fun story, so she and Audrey (lovefilledtragedy Audrey) have managed to both corrupt me. they infect each other with their obsessions (COUGH Frank Dillane,,,,markiplier) and then somewhere along the lines I get caught in the crossfire. they’ve caused me to obsess over people I don’t even know ?? but like, really…Britt’s amazing. her blog is great, her writing is great, she is great. I will rec her til the day I die. 

@thelittlestkitsune wooooords cannot simply describe how much I love Lau’s blog. her writing is exquisite. it’s all amazing, but I highly suggest reading Faded and CEO. she’s such a great writer and an even better person. there’s nothing more to say bc I just think she’s great and honestly…I can’t believe I’m actually friends w her??? 😂

@skepticalstilinski ayyyy Fiona’s a lovely human being. v sweet, v open, v friendly. she’s just great!! (I’m…I’m running out of descriptive phrases but just know she’s a m a z i n g!)

@were-cheetah-stiles I’m just gonna slip in this lil one and tell you that if you don’t follow Cat you’re really missing out. her writing ends me. ends me. she’s the reason I was CRYING FOR AN HOUR LAST NIGHT. cough. not kidding. happy tears tho but….still tears. (and it was actually an hour too??? so, so long?). all her writing is amazing but I suggest starting with The Mistake and going from there…if you’re still alive. she’s great, too, and is definitely a very very positive addition to my dash

@redstringlovers Sammie is loooovely. so, so sweet and incredibly nice. (I’m running out of adjectives here but just know she’s basically just a sunbeam). her blog is a great place n will greatly improve your tumblr experience!

@golddaggers I love this blog. so much (SO MUCH). we’ve never really interacted before but they seem so lovely and just….. there’s some incredible writing right there.

@wittystiles ugh. Sam’s writing. don’t get me started, I won’t be able to shut up 😂😂 amazing !! brilliant !! fantastic !! just…fucking awesome, nonnie. check it out! check her out bc she’s also amazing? 

@rememberstilinski listen. I remember when Kenzie followed me verrrry clearly. picture this: I’m at my best friend’s house. we’re chilling, watching Buzzfeed Unsolved. it’s calm (well…as calm as it can be with Ryan s c r e a m i n g) until I refresh my notifications. I pause. I gasp. I can’t believe my eyes. my friend looks at me, asks if I’m okay. and god. this is fucking embarrassing and I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t EVER tell this story cbbesfhofuh OKAY ANYWAY I look at my friend and I’m like ‘I can die now. let the angel of death take me’. I’m not kidding. my friend thought (and still thinks) I’m fucking crazy. I ended up almost crying. it was..odd…it was just a really surreal experience that Kenzie liked my blog enough to follow me. I’d liked her blog for so long and I just could NOT believe it. but yeah, Kenzie’s blog is just brilliant. her writing is incredible, she seems like an amazing person (and lowkey every time she reblogs my writing I just die). so yeah. add her to the list of people to check out because FUCK she is great. okay I’m done now I’m sorry for the massive tangent and also @/kenzie if you read this I want you to know that I’m not weird or anything I just really love your blog ahahaha 😂

@maddie110201 such a loooooovely girl. amazing blog, too. follow follow follow.

okay…here’s me getting lazy and deciding that my fingers hurt…

everyone I’m about to list is AMAZING and I would’ve typed them a little bit individually but…I’m lazy…I’m sorry. most of them are writers and HOLY FUCK do I recommend their writing.

@fillthevoid-stilinski @mf-despair-queen  @minhosmeanhoe (girl I fucking adore your URL) @laheyinfatuate @susybird @sumcp  @void-obriens  @ellie-bee242   @inkstiles @dylan-trash-tbh  @writing-obrien @bonniebird  @dumbass-stilinski @obrosey-af @werewolfmutant @iknowisoundcrazy @behind-my-hazeleyes27 @stilinski-jpeg @stilinskiimagines @molesandmischief @stilinski-lover-24 @stilinski-stydia-obrien  @lovelydob 

RIGHT MOVING ONTO EVERYONE ELSE. I’m gonna lump y’all under misc because that’s a lot easier than trying to individually classify everyone according to blogs, n stuff. let’s do this.

Misc: 

@swooncalumswoon  my ride or die. follow Ellie, read her writing, l o v e her. I know I do.

@penelope-clearwaters Demi is amazing. she isn’t active on tumblr much anymore but…again…the day I stop rec-ing her blog is the day I die. SUCH A LOVELY WOMAN. 

@irwinscuddlebuddy Alice is just amazing. I love her so, so much. similar to her blog, she is a High Quality Person.

@truthorclifford Mason’s pickup lines…legendary. she’s brilliant, her blog is equally as amazing! follow for a great tumblr time!! (I feel like a car salesman?)

@irwxnhugsx Sandra is lovely n her mood boards are bloody incredible. follow her also

again…I’m lazy…so just follow the rest of the ppl here. they’re all brilliant. 10/10.

@belameblake  @lostincalum @constant-calum  @like-screams-set-on-fire  @lukesafallingstar  @herewegoagainniall @calumhoodpainsme @candescentcalum @caffeinatedcalum @wastethemuke @ihatethisbandsos @mangoeharry  

[unkindnessofone]

Good Golly

Thank you for sending in happy story ideas! There wasn’t a bad one in the bunch. I started writing a couple, but on the way home, this is the one that really stuck. I wrote it very fast and pretty much entirely on my way home from work. Hope it’s alright.

It should have been raining Ashton figured as he mindlessly glared out the window. He didn't even notice the tense frown on his face or sour look in his eyes as he stared through the window of Calum's California house, his personal favorite bachelor pad. The wind was crying outside, calling for night birds, and Ashton understood it's lonely sound like it was language he knew fluently. It wasn't as if anything had gone horribly wrong all day, but very little had incited any joy. He felt like his time was wasted as he listened to Luke layer his vocals in the studio on a track they were recording strictly for a charity drive. Ashton wished he was anywhere else, specifically London, England.

He glanced down at his left hand, the one free of a beer can, and glanced at his manipulated reflection in the thin gold band, a texture over it that his wife had made herself. He loved his wedding band. He wore it proudly and felt like it made him cooler somehow. It was proof that he had found his dream girl, that he had someone who loved him enough to be connected forever. It was romantic and Ashton knew his friends thought he was a sap for it, but he was still eager to tell anyone who would listen that Simone was wonderful and he was the luckiest man on Earth. He stretched out his fingers and debated picking at the chipped black nail polish, anything to keep him busy. In the background, he could hear Luke flirting with Cagney and making her howl with laughter and even Calum and a friend tossing darts across the room at the board on the wall, but nothing pulled him in. Ashton was in a bad mood and the worst part was that he didn't want to step out of it. 

He finished his beer and considered moving away from watching the trees in the backyard dance without choreography, but the thick buzzing of his phone in his pocket kept him in the same spot. Ashton sighed as he fished it out of the tight pair he wore, but eagerly answered when he saw Simone's name flashing on the screen. 

"Hey." A smile cracked through the bored scowl he had been wearing permanently for hours. "Finally." He felt like he had been waiting for to call all day, but that was because he had been despite their time difference.

"I'm literally in the car park of the doctor's office." Her voice, vibrant and polished, laughed on the other end. "I guess I could have called a minute sooner from the elevator." She teased. Simone knew it had been devastating to Ashton that he couldn't be there for this check-up. They had gone to every appointment together and Ashton had enjoyed them even though they feel more nervous than he knew he could feel anymore. After playing the arenas he had drummed through, it was kind of wild that ultrasounds and waiting rooms had such an effect on him. Still Ashton was cross with himself for not being able to get to her. Somehow his schedule had become congested without him realizing. He would have ripped into his assistant about it, but he loved Skye like a sister and couldn't bring himself to raise his voice when she pointed out that he wouldn't be able to make the check up. While disappointed, Simone tried her best to not make Ashton feel worse about his absence. She knew no one could beat him up worse than he could to himself. It was important to him that he be a part of every movement and development of his child even if he was currently an external factor. He wanted to be able to honestly tell them that he was there every step of the way, that he was a part of it all. Being in California took that away from him and he was bitter about it. "Are you good? How's your day going?" Simone inquired while going through her purse with one hand, looking for the envelope with the latest ultrasound on it so she could snap a photo and text it to her husband. 

"It's fine. How are you?" Right now, that was what he cared about. He wanted to be sure she wasn't overworking herself, that she was within walking distance of folic acid, and in general, feeling good. He felt useless being so far away from her. 

"Ashton, how are you really?" Simone sat up straight and pressed. The envelope was rested on her black pantyhose clad legs.

"What do you mean? I'm fine." 

Simone was trying to be discreet, but it wasn't working, "I heard that you were in a bit of a mood." 

"Oh yeah? From who?" He turned around, discarding his empty beer can on a nearby surface in order to cross his arm over his chest as he scanned the room, scouting the snitch. 

"A little bird." She laughed only because she swore she could hear his eyes roll. "Skye texted me...and Michael..." Ashton sighed again. "And Luke." She decided to leave out that Luke referred to Ashton as a ‘total asshat’ in his message.

"They can talk to me if they're having a problem." He scoffed, comfortable being King Grump for the day.

"They care." She explained with ease. "It's like how my mom texts you to make sure I'm taking prenatal vitamins and sleeping on my side." 

Ashton liked that Calista Telford in all her regal glory turned to him, her ferociously independent daughter refusing to pick up every one of her daily dozen calls. It made Ashton feel important in a situation where he was otherwise just a desperate assistant. 

"How was the appointment?" It was all he really wanted to know. Ashton walked deeper into the house, finding the bottom step that led to the second floor and taking a seat. He pressed the phone closer to his ear as if it would bring the two of them nearer to one another.  He shut his eyes and held his breath. Ashton just wanted good news. 

"Good strong heartbeat." Happy to inform him, Simone said while feeling comforted by the sound of Ashton's sigh of relief loud through the phone. "I did miss your hand drumming along on my leg though."  It was some kind of nervous tick he had developed through the pregnancy. Any time they had a chance to hear the heartbeat, Ashton took to showing off his own percussion skills. 

"Next time, I promise." There was nothing that would keep him from missing another. "Anything else?" He was really hoping for thorough details. Ashton wanted a play by play. What colour scrub top was the nurse wearing? 

"You know how these things are. It was over before it started. She said everything was just as they wanted it to be. They said she is healthy and starting to bounce around." Simone's eyes panicked, she watched them enlarge in her rear view mirror. She and Ashton had decided to be surprised with the baby's gender. They just wanted a healthy child, but when the doctor inquired Simone couldn't resist. It was as if she went rogue without Ashton there to shut it down. 

"She is healthy?" Ashton had been hanging on to every one of Simone's words. If they had just been talking about the weather in England, he might have missed a detail, but not about this. "She?" He pushed. 

"She." Reluctantly, Simone caved. "I couldn't wait any longer, I wanted to know!" She hoped that he wouldn't be upset with her or that she hadn't made his day any worse somehow. "I'm sorry." Since he was silent, she continued. Simone figured he did deserve the apology. "Ash?" Simone peeled the phone away from her sunbeam earring stud to check that their connection was still in place. “Ash?” She called out again, sounding very concerned. He had never given her the silent treatment before. He was always very forthcoming with his emotions and that was something that made him stand out to her.

“I'm having a girl!!!!” In the distance, his cell phone on the floor of the living room as he had tore through the house to return to the group of people he had been ignoring before, Ashton roared out with celebration exploding like freshly lit fireworks inside his mouth. “I'm having a girl!” He shouted again and this time, Simone could hear a chorus of voices that belonged to their friends joining in. As Calum tossed his arm around Ashton's shoulder merrily, careful not to poke him with the dart he was holding, Ashton managed to reach down and collect his phone. Luke cracked open another beer for his friend while Cagney clapped between them. “Simmie, I'm so excited. You've made me so happy tonight.” He told her honestly, his neck being pulled tightly to the left as Calum was still hugging him. It wasn’t as if news of a boy would have changed his reaction, the news just sent off a confetti cannon of pure delight inside of him and he couldn’t contain it.

“Congratulations!” Cagney leaned into Ashton's right side and hollered into the phone.

“Thank you?” Simone just shook her head and grinned, wishing she could be there to joyously celebrate with them all. Since it seemed okay with Ashton, she figured she would tell her family tonight and then they could toast it over some kind alcohol free cider. Maybe a nice ginger tea since she had a light stomach ache. “I'm glad you're happy. I know we had promised to wait - “

“No, I'm glad I know.” His mind was flashing different videos in his mind, all of them framed with mist while their focal point was clear. He imagined himself chasing a giggling little girl in a towel cape around their own house, he saw himself sitting behind her braids and helping her down a park slide for the first few times, and he imagined building blanket forts in hotel rooms while she wore a mini 5SOS shirt and one of his old bandannas. Ashton's sourpuss mood dissipated as he stood among his friends, his hand cupping a fresh beer, with the dumbest grin over his face. “Get here soon, okay?” He knew she had work to do out in her home country and that if it was up to her, she would do it all over the phone in the place they condo they were renting out there. Still, Ashton was proudly selfish and wanted her with him. He wanted to be celebrating with her, kissing her over and over again until they both needed ice cubes to hold on their chapped lips, and he wanted to feel her stomach even though it wasn't going to feel any different than before he knew that there was a small little girl inside. “I love you.”

[daydream-believer]

Summer Love - a Tom Holland imagine

So this is my first imagine that I’m posting on tumblr; and who better to write it about than Tom Holland!

This is based off of the song Summer Love by One Direction. I’m not really a One Direction fan (though I used to be), and when I couldn’t sleep at 01:40 am last night, I found myself listening to some of their songs, this one being one of my favourites. Whenever I listened to this song, I always imagined this little story to go along with it, and last night I decided to write that story and make it into an imagine!

Synopsis: Tom and Y/N have spent the whole summer together falling in love, but now summer is over and they must part.

I know it’s a bit strange to write about this kind of thing at the beginning of the summer, but oh well.

Y/N = your name       Y/E/C = your eye colour

Word count: 2704 (jeez, I didn’t realise that it was this long!)

Hope that everyone enjoys this! Let me know what you think: should I write more imgines? Have a great day!

I packed the last of my things, hoping and praying that this was some sick dream. 

Folding away the clothes which I had worn and worn throughout the summer only made all the memories come flooding back, forcing me even more to pull back tears.

I picked up the last item on my bed, my white t-shirt - which wasn’t so white anymore - and rubbed it through my fingers…

“I’ll never forget your face when you fell into that mud.” Tom said, standing in the doorway. I hadn’t noticed he’d been standing there.

I smiled. “I’ll never forget yours when you fell in after me.”

It had been a particularly humid July afternoon, and unlike all the other normal people, Tom and I had decided to go for a walk through the forest. 

Heaven knows why. 

We should have seen it coming, the dark storm clouds beginning to creep up on us. It soon began to pour down, with the thunder and lightening complimenting the rain. Attempting to run back to the cabin before catching hypothermia, in my not-so-sensible choice of footwear (pumps), I slipped in a puddle of mud and ruined my shorts and t-shirt. I just couldn’t stop laughing. Tom, attempting to rescue me, didn’t realise how slippery it was, and fell in too. We must have sat there laughing for ages, as the rain had almost stopped by the time we had regained sanity. Luckily, most of the mud washed out (except for my t-shirt), but I decided to keep it as a memory, since we didn’t have our phones that day and therefore no photos.

Obviously also recalling the memory, Tom laughed, as did I, and looked down at his feet. When he looked back up, I thought he was going to cry (one thing I hadn’t seen him do yet) but instead he just looked sad and shocked.

Shocked that this day had finally come. I was too. After booking by chance a last-minute two-month summer retreat to Cornwall, meeting Tom, becoming friends, falling in love with the whole summer stretched in front of us, our encounter felt like an infinity. But it had come to an end. I had to go back to my university course at MIT, and over the next few days, Tom would also have to return home.

The other thing that he hadn’t done in front of me, though nor had I in front of him, was say I love you. I was certain I felt that way about him, and I was pretty certain he did too: but either the moment just didn’t feel right; or we knew we would have to separate at some point, which would only make saying goodbye even harder; or a mixture of both.

He came and sat on the window ledge; one that had often been a place of comfort and solace for the both of us. It looked straight on to the sea, and at night there were magnificent views of the stars. He sat with his back against the side, and patted for me to sit leaning against him. We both looked out at the view, in a comfortable, contemplative silence.

“I’m going to miss you like hell.” I said, not wanting to have to say it later through floods of tears.

“I know, I will too. Like crazy.” He replied.

“We’ve had such a-”

“Can we not talk about it?” He blurted out.

There was a moment of silence.

“I’m sorry Y/N. I just want the last moments to be like we have no worries in the world. Like this isn’t really happening. Not until we get to the airport at least.”

“Okay.” I replied, agreeing with him.

His arms were crossed over my chest, his right thumb was gently stroking my left arm, and I could feel his breath passing past my ear like the gentle summer breeze we had been enjoying.

I looked at my watch. 14:08. My flight was at 15:15, the airport half an hour away.

“We should probably go.” I suggested begrudgingly. “Ready?”

Tom sighed, deeply: a mixture of frustration and grief.

“As ready as I’ll ever be, which is not at all.” He gave me a sideways smile, which I guess was trying to make me feel a bit better, but couldn’t mask the feelings he was trying to hide.

“I’ll bring your bags down, you go and pick a good CD for the car.”

“Thank you.”

I went downstairs for the last time, breathing in the fresh, woody smell, and taking in the sights of the simple yet grand cabin one last time. Just that was starting to make me well up.

I got into Tom’s car and plugged in my phone; we’d shared so much music with each other over the summer that we basically now shared the same discography.

I scrolled through my music: Face the Sun by James Blunt and Amnesia by 5SOS were both appropriate choices for the situation, but I felt that something happier would lighten the mood. In the end I chose ABBA, to continue our running joke that Tom secretly adores them, he just won���t admit it.

I waited for Tom before I started Dancing Queen, but I realised that he was taking longer than I thought. After five minutes I was going to go back in and ask if he needed a hand, but he came out the door with my suitcase and rucksack in hand.

He shut and locked the door behind him, before loading my bags into the car.

He got into the driver’s seat.

“You know, for a minute there I thought that Spider-Man was struggling with some luggage.”

He pushed the sunglasses which were resting on the top of his head onto his nose.

“I’m a trained actor motherf*cker!” At this there was a brief moment of silence before an outburst of laughter. The amount of times he’d repeated that quote over the summer only made me laugh more.

When we eventually stopped, Tom asked:

“So; what did you pick?”

I pressed play, and Dancing Queen came on.

“Oh no, you didn’t…”

“I thought you’d enjoy it since I know how much you love them now!”

“I knew I shouldn’t have let you pick!” He joked, starting the ignition and reversing out of the small complex of cabins.

Driving through Cornwall, I almost forgot about where we were driving to. The wind in my hair, the loud music, Tom and I choosing to only talk about trivial matters: it was like any normal, perfect, summer’s day.

Except it wasn’t. But I wasn’t going to let it cloud my thoughts.

I felt the summer heat against my skin, relishing it while I could. I turned to look at Tom; who looked deep in thought, but when he noticed that I was looking at him, he smiled and took my hand.

“I’m never going to let this go,” he almost whispered, squeezing it a bit. “Not really.”

I squeezed his hand back, telling him that I felt the same. I was already too choked up to respond.

About fifteen minutes later, we arrived at the airport. Tom parked, switched the engine off, and turned to look at me.

“My hair’s gone a bit crazy in the wind, hasn’t it?” Tom took a stray piece and tucked it behind my ear. “It’s always beautifully crazy.” He said, and I could tell that he was really taking in my features, soaking me up as much as he could while he still had the chance. I looked at him in the same way: his ocean-blue eyes, his slightly crooked nose, his soft hair. After a minute or so, I broke our little trance.

I turned to look at my lap: “I should go.”

Tom took the car keys out of the ignition: “I’ll come with you.”

I took my rucksack and he wheeled my suitcase, and we made our way into the tiny airport and the departures area.

We quickly found the check-in desk and checked-in quickly. I went through security, and they allowed Tom through too so that he could wait with me. My flight was the only going that afternoon, and it was almost empty, so the small shopping area and four gates were quiet. Tom and I sat together, fingers linked, muttering sweet nothings to each other every few minutes.

Then the moment came.

They called my flight.

We watched the over twenty people board first, and then we had to do what we had been dreading from the beginning. The inevitable.

Saying goodbye.

We stood up, knowing that time was against us, and stared into each other’s eyes for a few seconds. Then Tom pulled me into the tightest hug I had ever received, his chin resting on my shoulder, mine on his. I felt the tears forming.

“Please never forget me. Us. This.”

“How could I forget you, Holland?” He pulled out of the hug and cupped my cheeks in his hands. I saw them.

“You’re crying…” I felt my own face crumple up slightly and the tears fall down. I had seen him cry. And it only made me cry more.

“I love you Y/N. So, so much. I love you. I always will. Hold on to that, please, for me.”

“I love you too, Tom. Forever and always, and you have to remember that too." 

He smiled again, and then kissed me. Of course we had kissed many times before, but never like this. I could taste the despair and the love in him. I felt myself coming together yet tearing apart at the same time, and I sensed that he felt that way too.

We pulled away, us both knowing that that was the last time.

"You have to go,” he whispered. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I managed to say back.

I walked over to the desk, walking away from Tom and everything I had ever dreamed of.

After my ticket was scanned and I was about to walk out of sight, I turned back to Tom. He was still standing in the same position, and even metres away I could see that he was wiping away tears. He waved, and I waved back. Then I knew what I had to do.

I knew that Tom was waiting at the airport until my flight had taken off, and once I was seated (in my window seat, with no-one else next to me in the entire row), I tried to find him through the glass building but to my dismay I couldn’t. And then, the plane began to move.

It jolted, taking me by surprise, and then made its way to the runway. It got there. The plane picked up speed. It catapulted forward, and I panicked, trying to find Tom but I couldn’t and all of a sudden I was gone. I waved, knowing really that Tom couldn’t see but making my feel better. A single tear rolled down my cheek, where Tom’s hands had touched only fifteen minutes ago. My heart ached at that thought.

I decided to reach for my headphones in my rucksack.

I opened my back, and next to my book, headphones, passport and water was something I didn’t remember putting in there last night.

An envelope.

It had ‘Y/N’ written on the front, and although I had only seen it a handful of times, I instantly recognised it as Tom’s handwriting.

I hastily opened it: 

Dear Y/N,

I was going to give this to you, or say this all to you in person, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I didn’t want to have to talk about this when we could be making more positive memories, but I still wanted to share this with you.

By the way, I put this in your bag before I brought your bags down to the car, though I wrote it yesterday. That is, unless my plan failed miserably, but if it didn’t, then at least that’s something.

If I haven’t had the balls to say it to you at the airport: I love you Y/N. Every bit of you. From your crazy-amazing hair, to your curves, to your small hands. From your laughing fits, to your uncontrollable hiccuping fits, to your gorgeous Y/E/C eyes. From your glowing smile, to your intelligence, to how you taste. All of you. And if I could have you for the rest of my life, I would.

But I can’t. We both can’t. And we both know that.

I’m an actor. You’re an MIT scholar with a glistening career as a doctor ahead of you. I don’t want to get in the way of your lifelong dream, nor do I want you to experience the burden of being in the limelight. You may argue against that, but I don’t want to see you get hurt, more than anything in the world. And if that means that I have to let you go then so be it.

I know that you’ve promised you’ll write and said you’ll call, despite me suggesting otherwise, but please Y/N. For me, please. I don’t want you to lose yourself to me. I’m not worth that.

This is going to seem unfair: we have to destroy our beautiful creation, in order to not destroy ourselves. But we both know, deep down, that this can’t go any further. And I’m only doing it because I love you. I don’t want our relationship to become disjointed and changed because of what happens next. I want to treasure this summer, and what we are, just as it was forever. I don’t want to lose it to the media and other such horrors.

There’s nothing that I want to change. This has been the perfect summer and I know that we will both look back on it as the best in our lives. I never planned on falling in love as deeply as I did but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. You made me the best version of me possible and I cannot thank you enough for that.

No matter who I end up with at the end of all this, I will always love you. And even though it hurts saying this so much, I think that we’re doing the right thing.

I love you Y/N. Never forget that. Ever. You will always be my summer love.

Love always, Tom x 

I re-read the letter over and over, agreeing but disagreeing with everything. Why was the world so unfair?

“Madam? Are you alright?”

I jumped in my seat a bit. One of the flight stewardesses was standing in the aisle. I realised that I must have been crying hysterically.

“Yes - I’m fine- no. I don’t know, honestly. I’m just numb. It’s, it’s complicated.”

“A break up?” she asked, worried.

“We didn’t want to. But I think it might be for the best, as much as I don’t want it to be.”

To my surprise, she sat in the seat next to me. “Love is cruel like that. The whole world is. Sometimes two soulmates meet, but at such a time that it is just not right. And it’s horrible. You finally find the love of your life, only to have them snatched away from you. But you must take it in your stride. Know that that person would give anything to be with you, and that they love you, and use that knowledge to achieve your dreams and everything you wanted to do in life. Because it is what they would want, because they really love you. And inside your heart, you know that really.”

She handed me a tissue.

“I hope that helped. Even if it’s just brought an ounce of hope.”

“It has, thank you. Very much.”

“No problem. Now, would you like a water, or something a bit stronger?”

“Just a tea please.”

She made me my tea and said that she would come and check on me later.

And so I stared out of the window, at the clouds and blue, blue sky, and thought:

I’m doing this for both of us Tom. I’ll always love you, my summer love.

[go-ask-ivette-blog]

Summer Love

I packed the last of my things, hoping and praying that this was some sick dream.

Folding away the clothes which I had worn and worn throughout the summer only made all the memories come flooding back, forcing me even more to pull back tears.

I picked up the last item on my bed, my white t-shirt - which wasn’t so white anymore - and rubbed it through my fingers…

“I’ll never forget your face when you fell into that mud.” Tom said, standing in the doorway. I hadn’t noticed he’d been standing there.

I smiled. “I’ll never forget yours when you fell in after me.”

It had been a particularly humid July afternoon, and unlike all the other normal people, Tom and I had decided to go for a walk through the forest.

Heaven knows why.

We should have seen it coming, the dark storm clouds beginning to creep up on us. It soon began to pour down, with the thunder and lightening complimenting the rain. Attempting to run back to the cabin before catching hypothermia, in my not-so-sensible choice of footwear (pumps), I slipped in a puddle of mud and ruined my shorts and t-shirt. I just couldn’t stop laughing. Tom, attempting to rescue me, didn’t realise how slippery it was, and fell in too. We must have sat there laughing for ages, as the rain had almost stopped by the time we had regained sanity. Luckily, most of the mud washed out (except for my t-shirt), but I decided to keep it as a memory, since we didn’t have our phones that day and therefore no photos.

Obviously also recalling the memory, Tom laughed, as did I, and looked down at his feet. When he looked back up, I thought he was going to cry (one thing I hadn’t seen him do yet) but instead he just looked sad and shocked.

Shocked that this day had finally come. I was too. After booking by chance a last-minute two-month summer retreat to Cornwall, meeting Tom, becoming friends, falling in love with the whole summer stretched in front of us, our encounter felt like an infinity. But it had come to an end. I had to go back to my university course at MIT, and over the next few days, Tom would also have to return home.

The other thing that he hadn’t done in front of me, though nor had I in front of him, was say I love you. I was certain I felt that way about him, and I was pretty certain he did too: but either the moment just didn’t feel right; or we knew we would have to separate at some point, which would only make saying goodbye even harder; or a mixture of both.

He came and sat on the window ledge; one that had often been a place of comfort and solace for the both of us. It looked straight on to the sea, and at night there were magnificent views of the stars. He sat with his back against the side, and patted for me to sit leaning against him. We both looked out at the view, in a comfortable, contemplative silence.

“I’m going to miss you like hell.” I said, not wanting to have to say it later through floods of tears.

“I know, I will too. Like crazy.” He replied.

“We’ve had such a-”

“Can we not talk about it?” He blurted out.

There was a moment of silence.

“I’m sorry Y/N. I just want the last moments to be like we have no worries in the world. Like this isn’t really happening. Not until we get to the airport at least.”

“Okay.” I replied, agreeing with him.

His arms were crossed over my chest, his right thumb was gently stroking my left arm, and I could feel his breath passing past my ear like the gentle summer breeze we had been enjoying.

I looked at my watch. 14:08. My flight was at 15:15, the airport half an hour away.

“We should probably go.” I suggested begrudgingly. “Ready?”

Tom sighed, deeply: a mixture of frustration and grief.

“As ready as I’ll ever be, which is not at all.” He gave me a sideways smile, which I guess was trying to make me feel a bit better, but couldn’t mask the feelings he was trying to hide.

“I’ll bring your bags down, you go and pick a good CD for the car.”

“Thank you.”

I went downstairs for the last time, breathing in the fresh, woody smell, and taking in the sights of the simple yet grand cabin one last time. Just that was starting to make me well up.

I got into Tom’s car and plugged in my phone; we’d shared so much music with each other over the summer that we basically now shared the same discography.

I scrolled through my music: Face the Sun by James Blunt and Amnesia by 5SOS were both appropriate choices for the situation, but I felt that something happier would lighten the mood. In the end I chose ABBA, to continue our running joke that Tom secretly adores them, he just won’t admit it.

I waited for Tom before I started Dancing Queen, but I realised that he was taking longer than I thought. After five minutes I was going to go back in and ask if he needed a hand, but he came out the door with my suitcase and rucksack in hand.

He shut and locked the door behind him, before loading my bags into the car.

He got into the driver’s seat.

“You know, for a minute there I thought that Spider-Man was struggling with some luggage.”

He pushed the sunglasses which were resting on the top of his head onto his nose.

“I’m a trained actor motherf*cker!” At this there was a brief moment of silence before an outburst of laughter. The amount of times he’d repeated that quote over the summer only made me laugh more.

When we eventually stopped, Tom asked:

“So; what did you pick?”

I pressed play, and Dancing Queen came on.

“Oh no, you didn’t…”

“I thought you’d enjoy it since I know how much you love them now!”

“I knew I shouldn’t have let you pick!” He joked, starting the ignition and reversing out of the small complex of cabins.

Driving through Cornwall, I almost forgot about where we were driving to. The wind in my hair, the loud music, Tom and I choosing to only talk about trivial matters: it was like any normal, perfect, summer’s day.

Except it wasn’t. But I wasn’t going to let it cloud my thoughts.

I felt the summer heat against my skin, relishing it while I could. I turned to look at Tom; who looked deep in thought, but when he noticed that I was looking at him, he smiled and took my hand.

“I’m never going to let this go,” he almost whispered, squeezing it a bit. “Not really.”

I squeezed his hand back, telling him that I felt the same. I was already too choked up to respond.

About fifteen minutes later, we arrived at the airport. Tom parked, switched the engine off, and turned to look at me.

“My hair’s gone a bit crazy in the wind, hasn’t it?” Tom took a stray piece and tucked it behind my ear. “It’s always beautifully crazy.” He said, and I could tell that he was really taking in my features, soaking me up as much as he could while he still had the chance. I looked at him in the same way: his ocean-blue eyes, his slightly crooked nose, his soft hair. After a minute or so, I broke our little trance.

I turned to look at my lap: “I should go.”

Tom took the car keys out of the ignition: “I’ll come with you.”

I took my rucksack and he wheeled my suitcase, and we made our way into the tiny airport and the departures area.

We quickly found the check-in desk and checked-in quickly. I went through security, and they allowed Tom through too so that he could wait with me. My flight was the only going that afternoon, and it was almost empty, so the small shopping area and four gates were quiet. Tom and I sat together, fingers linked, muttering sweet nothings to each other every few minutes.

Then the moment came.

They called my flight.

We watched the over twenty people board first, and then we had to do what we had been dreading from the beginning. The inevitable.

Saying goodbye.

We stood up, knowing that time was against us, and stared into each other’s eyes for a few seconds. Then Tom pulled me into the tightest hug I had ever received, his chin resting on my shoulder, mine on his. I felt the tears forming.

“Please never forget me. Us. This.”

“How could I forget you, Holland?” He pulled out of the hug and cupped my cheeks in his hands. I saw them.

“You’re crying…” I felt my own face crumple up slightly and the tears fall down. I had seen him cry. And it only made me cry more.

“I love you Y/N. So, so much. I love you. I always will. Hold on to that, please, for me.”

“I love you too, Tom. Forever and always, and you have to remember that too.“

He smiled again, and then kissed me. Of course we had kissed many times before, but never like this. I could taste the despair and the love in him. I felt myself coming together yet tearing apart at the same time, and I sensed that he felt that way too.

We pulled away, us both knowing that that was the last time.

"You have to go,” he whispered. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I managed to say back.

I walked over to the desk, walking away from Tom and everything I had ever dreamed of.

After my ticket was scanned and I was about to walk out of sight, I turned back to Tom. He was still standing in the same position, and even metres away I could see that he was wiping away tears. He waved, and I waved back. Then I knew what I had to do.

I knew that Tom was waiting at the airport until my flight had taken off, and once I was seated (in my window seat, with no-one else next to me in the entire row), I tried to find him through the glass building but to my dismay I couldn’t. And then, the plane began to move.

It jolted, taking me by surprise, and then made its way to the runway. It got there. The plane picked up speed. It catapulted forward, and I panicked, trying to find Tom but I couldn’t and all of a sudden I was gone. I waved, knowing really that Tom couldn’t see but making my feel better. A single tear rolled down my cheek, where Tom’s hands had touched only fifteen minutes ago. My heart ached at that thought.

I decided to reach for my headphones in my rucksack.

I opened my back, and next to my book, headphones, passport and water was something I didn’t remember putting in there last night.

An envelope.

It had ‘Y/N’ written on the front, and although I had only seen it a handful of times, I instantly recognised it as Tom’s handwriting.

I hastily opened it:

Dear Y/N,

I was going to give this to you, or say this all to you in person, but I couldn’t bring myself to. I didn’t want to have to talk about this when we could be making more positive memories, but I still wanted to share this with you.

By the way, I put this in your bag before I brought your bags down to the car, though I wrote it yesterday. That is, unless my plan failed miserably, but if it didn’t, then at least that’s something.

If I haven’t had the balls to say it to you at the airport: I love you Y/N. Every bit of you. From your crazy-amazing hair, to your curves, to your small hands. From your laughing fits, to your uncontrollable hiccuping fits, to your gorgeous Y/E/C eyes. From your glowing smile, to your intelligence, to how you taste. All of you. And if I could have you for the rest of my life, I would.

But I can’t. We both can’t. And we both know that.

I’m an actor. You’re an MIT scholar with a glistening career as a doctor ahead of you. I don’t want to get in the way of your lifelong dream, nor do I want you to experience the burden of being in the limelight. You may argue against that, but I don’t want to see you get hurt, more than anything in the world. And if that means that I have to let you go then so be it.

I know that you’ve promised you’ll write and said you’ll call, despite me suggesting otherwise, but please Y/N. For me, please. I don’t want you to lose yourself to me. I’m not worth that.

This is going to seem unfair: we have to destroy our beautiful creation, in order to not destroy ourselves. But we both know, deep down, that this can’t go any further. And I’m only doing it because I love you. I don’t want our relationship to become disjointed and changed because of what happens next. I want to treasure this summer, and what we are, just as it was forever. I don’t want to lose it to the media and other such horrors.

There’s nothing that I want to change. This has been the perfect summer and I know that we will both look back on it as the best in our lives. I never planned on falling in love as deeply as I did but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. You made me the best version of me possible and I cannot thank you enough for that.

No matter who I end up with at the end of all this, I will always love you. And even though it hurts saying this so much, I think that we’re doing the right thing.

I love you Y/N. Never forget that. Ever. You will always be my summer love.

Love always, Tom x

I re-read the letter over and over, agreeing but disagreeing with everything. Why was the world so unfair?

“Madam? Are you alright?”

I jumped in my seat a bit. One of the flight stewardesses was standing in the aisle. I realised that I must have been crying hysterically.

“Yes - I’m fine- no. I don’t know, honestly. I’m just numb. It’s, it’s complicated.”

“A break up?” she asked, worried.

“We didn’t want to. But I think it might be for the best, as much as I don’t want it to be.”

To my surprise, she sat in the seat next to me. “Love is cruel like that. The whole world is. Sometimes two soulmates meet, but at such a time that it is just not right. And it’s horrible. You finally find the love of your life, only to have them snatched away from you. But you must take it in your stride. Know that that person would give anything to be with you, and that they love you, and use that knowledge to achieve your dreams and everything you wanted to do in life. Because it is what they would want, because they really love you. And inside your heart, you know that really.”

She handed me a tissue.

“I hope that helped. Even if it’s just brought an ounce of hope.”

“It has, thank you. Very much.”

“No problem. Now, would you like a water, or something a bit stronger?”

“Just a tea please.”

She made me my tea and said that she would come and check on me later.

And so I stared out of the window, at the clouds and blue, blue sky, and thought:

I’m doing this for both of us Tom. I’ll always love you, my summer love