#6000 years and crowley is going to DIE if the angel he's been in love with the entire time voices said love aloud

[straightupsickfics]

secret ingredient

can you believe it's december? i can't.

but i did manage to finish this little good omens soup fic that i'm going to use as day 2: bowls of soup for the 12 days of sickmas prompt list <3

****

For a being that never needs to sleep, Aziraphale is sick enough that he looks like he’s on the verge of falling asleep on his feet, and Crowley cannot say he enjoys seeing his angel this way. Always so full of excited energy and quick, unexpectedly funny quips, Aziraphale can do little more than blink dazedly at him at the moment. 

“Did you hear me, angel?” Crowley asks gently. He’d asked if Aziraphale wanted to go upstairs for some lunch and a nap, but the angel hadn’t replied. Instead, he’d snuffled helplessly into his tartan handkerchief, seemingly on the cusp of a sneeze that kept backing off at the last second. 

Now, Aziraphale brings a hand to his face and rubs at his eyes, thinks for a second, then shakes his head. “Ah, not quite, sorry, dear,” he murmurs. 

He just looks sick and contagious at this point, what with how red his nose has gotten in the last few hours alone, the way the dim light in the bookshop draws attention to the dark shadows beneath his eyes… 

“hh’hDTISshhh’oo!” 

…And the near-constant sneezing. 

Aziraphale hardly looks relieved at finally having sneezed, though. No, he looks like his sinuses are giving him hell, like he knows there are plenty more where that came from. He gives his eyes another rub, this time to wipe away an irritated tear, and Crowley can’t help but move in and envelope him in his arms. The angel settles into the hug almost immediately, sighing with relief as he tucks his head into Crowley’s shoulder, the soft sound of sniffling muffled against the warm fabric of his turtleneck sweater. 

“Sorry, I’mb snf! Quite a sight today, I’m sure,” Aziraphale mumbles. 

“Mm, sight for sore eyes,” Crowley says, tucking a kiss against the top of his ear. “Alright, let’s get you settled then, shall we? A nap might do just the trick. Take it from me angel, there’s nothing that sleeping for a few decades won’t fix.”

“Surely not decades,” Aziraphale says with what can only be called a pout. 

“Well, no, ideally not. Think I’d miss you too much for that,” Crowley confesses, and smiles a little when he feels Aziraphale hug him just that much tighter. 

“And while you sleep, I’ll make us some soup.” 

This is enough to make Aziraphale release him from their embrace and fix him with as withering a look as he can manage, given the circumstances. “Soup? Do you actually know how to cook… well, anything?” He asks, frowning.

Crowley gives an offended little sniff. “Not as such,” he says. “But how hard can it be? Humans do it every day, multiple times a day. And there are plenty of cookbooks for me to reference,” he teases.

Aziraphale’s eyebrows lift in alarm. “Cookbooks?”

“Sure, our cookbooks. In our cooking section,” Crowley explains. 

“Our cookbooks,” Aziraphale repeats under his breath.

Crowley grins at him. “Right, bed. And soup. Don’t worry about a thing, angel, everything will turn out just tickety-boo.” 

The angel is apparently too exhausted to argue any further, because he lets Crowley lead him upstairs to the small, cozy apartment they’ve been sharing these last few months. It’s strange, seeing Aziraphale curling up under the blankets. Normally it’s just Crowley who makes use of the bed for sleeping, with Aziraphale tucked in snugly beside him with a book and a hot cup of tea. 

It’s almost too tempting to slip in beside him now, draw the curtains, and lay down for a nap of his own while Aziraphale sleeps away his cold, but… there’s something drawing him to the idea of making the angel soup. Something quietly romantic and domestic about making something with his own hands that will make his partner feel better. 

So, Crowley makes sure Aziraphale has no less than three blankets, ensures that his feet are properly covered, and presses a kiss to his forehead before he promises to be back soon. 

“Don’t spill anything on my books, please,” Aziraphale frets through a yawn. 

He’ll be asleep in a matter of minutes, Crowley knows, whatever winter virus he has is taking a toll on him enough to knock him out for a good few hours. 

“You can trust me, angel,” Crowley says from the doorway. 

And he can. 

*

In the kitchen, things fall apart pretty immediately. 

Crowley has no idea where Aziraphale keeps anything, or, for that matter, which kind of soup the angel would prefer. And exactly how small is “diced?”

He decides on chicken soup because that’s a classically human “sick day” soup according to everything he’s observed over the years, and it seems simple enough. He’s not sure they have “wild” rice, but surely regular rice will do the trick? 

Of course he could conjure up the soup with much less effort, but that defeats the purpose. So, he chops and boils and hopes for the best, and the kitchen soon smells quite delicious, if he says so himself. 

(He does). 

Crowley ladles the soup into a bowl, conjures up some bread (he’s not that good in the kitchen after this singular attempt), sets everything on one of Aziraphale’s ancient serving trays, and makes his way back to the bedroom. 

“Hh’iiishh! Iishh’oo! Oh, good l-lord…hUH’ieesshhh’oo!” Aziraphale is in the throes of a sneezing fit when he opens the door, though, his body pitching forward as he sneezes helplessly into the pile of blankets, too tired to do much else. 

“Sounds like I’m just in time,” Crowley says by way of greeting. He sets the tray down on the bedside table and leans over to press a kiss to Aziraphale’s forehead. He definitely sounds worse than he had before his nap, so it wouldn’t be out of the question for him to have a fever now, too. 

“You always are,” Aziraphale says, still sniffling. “Don’t do that, you’ll get sick too,” he says, a worried edge seeping into his voice. 

“Bit late for that, isn’t it?” Crowley muses. “Here, look, I didn’t even burn anything down. I’m sure you’ll tell me if it’s shit,” he says, offering the bowl out for Aziraphale to take. 

“I hope I can even taste it,” Aziraphale says sadly. “Thank you, though, for going to the trouble, my dear. You’ll have some, too, yes?” 

“‘Course,” Crowley says, “when have I ever made you eat alone? No, don’t tell me, I’m sure there’s a running list in that brain of yours.” He takes the second bowl and sits next to Aziraphale on the bed. 

Crowley largely ignores his own soup, though, too busy watching Aziraphale take a careful first bite. Something flickers over his face, there and gone too quickly even for Crowley and his 6,000 years of Angel experience to parse, and he can’t help but frown. Maybe it hadn’t gone to plan the way he’d thought. 

When Crowley looks up again, Aziraphale’s face is flushed a delicate shade of pink and his eyes are shining bright with just barely held back tears. 

“What’s happening, angel?” He asks, worried now that something really is wrong. He scoots himself over towards Aziraphale and runs a hand through the familiar, soft blond strands, though this only makes him shake his head and the tears fall in earnest. 

“Oh, my dear,” Aziraphale sighs, swiping them away.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong, or should I start guessing?” Crowley says, deflecting as his face grows warm from the affection in Aziraphale’s voice. 

His angel gives him a smile so soft and fond that Crowley’s at risk of melting right there on the spot. “I can just...taste...how much love went into this,” Aziraphale finally explains, eyes still shining bright and not breaking eye contact.

“Ngk. I. Well, you know. I do…love you,” Crowley manages to croak, peering over the rims of his sunglasses so Aziraphale can see his eyes, too. 

Aziraphale beams at him. “I’ll be feeling as good as new after this, I think; thank you my love.” 

“S’nothing,” Crowley says, though he knows they both know it isn’t and has never been nothing when it comes to them. Aziraphale lets it go, though, just continues to smile at him as he sniffles through every few bites. 

When they’re done, Aziraphale curls himself up around Crowley, full and warm and ready for another nap, it would seem. 

“I really do appreciate you looking after me, you know,” he confesses as his eyes slip shut. 

Crowley smiles, feels his own face flush as he turns and drops a kiss to Azirphale’s forehead. “I know. Sleep now, angel. I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

[badaziraphaletakes]

Today's catch, fresh from TikTok

Okay this one actually hit one of my pressure points.

(Content warning for hell and religious trauma and so forth).

This is the thing I'm most afraid of. That Crowley running off to Alpha Centauri wouldn't mean he would die.

Huh, I hear you say?

Well, you see, there's a fate much worse than death. The book of revelation says that "Satan's angels" will be tortured forever in a lake of fire after the second coming.

Cheery.

Now, that book doesn't appear to be the sourcebook heaven's working from (though they certainly have followed it pretty closely thus far). So Idk if that's what Aziracrow think is going to happen to Crowley if heaven lose the great war. (Side note: I have no idea what hell's plan is if they win, but I'm sure it isn't pretty, lol. But I digress.)

But it is POSSIBLE that throwing the demons into the eternal lake of fire is part of the Metatron's plan/"the Great Plan". It is possible Aziraphale thinks that's what's going to happen to Crowley.

It's possible that Azi thinks Crowley hates heaven so much that he is risking the possibility of eternal torture to turn them down, and thinks that he, Azi, is the only one who can possibly save Crowley from that. I am HAUNTED by the thought that Aziraphale thinks that if he doesn't succeed in stopping the Second Coming, that Crowley will be thrown into the lake of fire forever. That's gut-wrenching.

I hope, for Azi's sake, that he thinks that "all" that will happen to Crowley if he fails to reform heaven is that Crowley will die. That's bad enough. The other thing is simply too horrible to imagine.

The thought that Azi has spent the past 6000 years dreading Crowley being tortured forever, and thinks Crowley turned down a chance to escape from that.

That thought makes me physically sick.*

All this is to say, their being immortal (side note that they're not *completely* immortal - they can die by hellfire/holy water respectively, and some angels and demons died in the Great War, and, as discussed, it seems like a safe bet that when the universe melts, Crowley will die) doesn't mean they have a greater chance of being safe and happy together.

In fact, pretty much the opposite is true: being immortal means the kind of fate they could suffer is (literally) INFINITELY worse. It would make Azi having to go back to heaven to try to arrange a good outcome for Crowley even more necessary.

Okay I've traumatized everyone enough for today. This has been a lovely tour of my fundamentalist childhood and subsequent extended mental breakdown. Have a lovely evening.

_____________________________________________

* I have to hope it's not this. Because personally I don't think Crowley would let Azi think that, even at his most angry. (The thought of Crowley letting Azi walk away thinking he preferred death to going back to heaven with him, rather than pointing out to Azi that the offer to go back to heaven was a trap and he was going to wind up dead either way, was bad enough as it is - my God! Seeing that absolutely gutted me.) And I don't think Crowley would have risked their ever associating *at all* if Azi falling meant he would potentially be tortured forever too.

[jealizmuch]

GOOD OMENS S2E6 SPOILERS

CAN WE TALK ABOUT AZIRAPHALE’S REACTION TO THE KISS THOUGH. BC THAT WAS INSANE AZIRAPHALE LOOKED SO DISGUSTED BUT NOT DISGUSTED. BRO WAS LIKE “why would you admit the thing we’d been dancing around for millenia right now. why did you do this to me crowley. how could you possibly make me admit that ive been in love with you this whole time, when ive spent my entire life catering to the needs of heaven and dancing around my heart and how much i want to be with you, because you’re a demon and i’m an angel and we’re on opposite sides, when i was fascinated by you back when you were an angel, when you approached me in eden, and all the times we’d seen each other over the 6000 years we had on earth, meeting behind dark alleyways and at our rendezvous points knowing we could die for merely interacting with each other. when now, when we could go back to heaven, the “good guys” together, and we could see each other safely, you turn me away. when we could be together right now if you came and followed me to heaven. why would you do this crowley.”

and crowley’s like “i’ve loved you since the Beginning and you were the reason why i put up with all this heaven/hell bullshit, knowing that no matter what would happen it would always be me and you, a team, an us. and now you want to go back to the place that kicked me out for asking the right questions, the place that tried to destroy you when it was actually me disguised as you, the place that you are too good and too pure for with the people that treat you so much worse than you deserve. you want to give up your bookshop, the life we had together here, our dinners at the ritz, our meaningless conversations over the phone, the things that made this peaceful, fragile existence that i was so content in living in so worthwhile, because i loved you back then and i love you now and if gabriel and beelzebub could be together then i want to try being with you too. they proved that a relationship like ours was possible, and i want to spend eternity with you aziraphale. i want to so badlt. but you want to throw all that away for your “good guys”. because that’s all we are to you, when it boils down to it, isn’t it? i’m the demon and you’re the angel. the bad guys vs the good guys.”

so anyway i am ill

(plus the freaking. trembling and touching his lips from aziraphale like he couldnt believe that just happened. i hate this show)

[chaiiitealeaves]

look i've tried my best not to go absolutely insane about good omens s2 but that has failed miserably and here i am. i just. heres a massive rant mainly about aziraphale. (good omens s2 ep6 spoilers)

i am such a firm believer that there is no theorising to be had with the ending, regarding why aziraphale did what he did. there's nothing you can say. it was totally in character for aziraphale, and it was totally in character for crowley. it made so much sense and THAT is why it hurt; i just cannot for a second outsource aziraphales responsibility to the metatron or anyone else.

the metatron didn't coerce aziraphale - he didn't have to. aziraphale just jumped at the opportunity to 'fix' things. things, however, do not mean crowley. i mean, i'm sure this opinion has been BEATEN TO DEATH by now, but i'd still like to get it out there.

aziraphale tends to pick up very well on verbal communication, but not very well on non-verbal communication. aziraphale will always listen to crowley's outbursts (such as, calling crowley nice, and being pinned violently to a wall because of it), and will not take it personally. he listens, regardless of tone, and seems to understand crowley better through his verbal responses. that obviously isn't to say they ever communicate, THEY DON'T, but aziraphale is still better at verbal cues than non-verbal ones. aziraphale can never anticipate crowley's actions, however, and we see this with job's children. aziraphale was genuinely unsure of what crowley would do. with crowley, it seems to be the exact opposite. he anticipates aziraphale - he knows that aziraphale is going to like food before he's even tried it, he knows exactly how to coerce aziraphale to help stop armageddon in the first series/book because he knows exactly what aziraphale likes and cares about.

i think that communication difference is exactly why the end hurt so much. aziraphale - and i will die on this hill - must've firmly believed that crowley was going to be happy with the news. and so, he was totally lost when crowley responded poorly. and i mean, aziraphale knew IMMEDIATELY that crowley had responded poorly, he just thought that he had to explain his point better. aziraphale just wasn't able to pick up on the true reason for that very obvious, deep hatred for heaven that crowley has. his angelic ball of thoughts that we liken to a brain is telling him that not that crowley hates heaven because it's corrupt, but that crowley hates heaven because he was CAST OUT. it's a misinterpretation built on 6000+ years of no real communication.

aziraphale wanted to fix heaven for crowley, he didn't want to fix crowley for heaven. and yet, that's exactly how it came across. and because neither of them talk, crowley was taking aziraphale's words in his own (wrong) way, and aziraphale was taking crowley's reactions as 'not understanding'. honestly, aziraphale's overeager want to make things 'good' and 'right' again is what makes. every word he speaks is hypocrisy, because he's not speaking for a principle, he's speaking to try and convince someone. that's why we get such extreme statements from him: "you could be an angel again" is just an echo of "nothing lasts forever" - he is so insanely sure that crowley would want to - should want to - be an angel again, that he's willing to leave everything behind for his one little corrupt corner of eternity. it's poisonous, watching aziraphale stick so intensely to the rules of heaven and hell. but it's inherently in character.

to aziraphale, gabriel and beelzebub's departing was initially grounds for a confession. i mean, look at him.

just look at his absolute happiness at being able to take crowley out to dance!!! in this episode, we get some real gems of aziraphale's true, deep love in his reactions - the infatuated smiles, the 'you're being silly', the hand on crowley's chest in the pub, the 'oh, crowley loves saving me' and VERY specifically, the gripping of crowley's shirt when he sees gabriel and beelzebub together because it means that they could be too. and quite honestly, i don't think the series conclusion throws ANY of that away!! i think the conclusion enhances it so aggressively! why? because it's made so much more painful.

aziraphale was so, SO ready to accept crowley's confession. he was going to confess himself - i am willing to die on that hill. throughout the whole season, he seems so infatuated and so ready to open himself up. yet, the moment the metatron proposes a promotion to archangel, that is all thrown away. all the rebellion he was willing to put up is lost. and i can understand that, because of the switch around in thought pattern, it's easy to say that the metatron manipulated him. but honestly? i really disagree with that take!

aziraphale is just not the type of angel to go against the rules. it took stupid amounts of alcohol to even get him to consider going against heaven regarding armageddon, and even then, he had to find his own loophole to justify it, AND EVEN THEN, HE ATTEMPTED TO CONVINCE HEAVEN TO CALL IT OFF DEMOCRATICALLY UNTIL THE VERY END. THE REASON HE ENDED UP DISCORPORATED AND FORCED TO POSSESS MADAM TRACY WAS BECAUSE HE WAS CONVERSING WITH THE METATRON TO TRY AND DEMOCRATICALY STOP ARMAGEDDON.

as he was ending that tether of obedience - as his want to be with crowley overcame the want to follow the rules - he seemed more bold. when he saw gabriel and beelzebub, that boldness solidified. he was willing to break rules and stand up for himself and crowley - at least, that's how i interpreted it, this season. but of course, he switched his opinions when an easier and SAFER route was provided for him. by making crowley an angel again, all the 'problems' would be solved. he wouldn't have to disobey heaven, crowley wouldn't be bound to the 'wrong' side, and they could be together. of course this thought pattern is inherently wrong, but it's a route that he would be more willing to take because - in his mind - it is a route that protects them.

and oh my god!! that apology after the kiss!! despite the fact it was tone deaf, it was also an apology in good faith. like the apology in s1, he is doing something, but unlike the apology in s1, he's also doing another thing. these things are:

distancing himself from the scenario. by apologising, he doesn't have to actually confront that what crowley's saying might be the better option. he is giving crowley the opportunity to take back his words so that both of them can continue playing by the book. we see this in season one.

misinterpreting literally everything. in season 1, that apology was a distancing attempt. hard and fast, clean and cut. but this time, i am genuinely and ENTIRELY willing to believe that aziraphale didn't understand crowley's kiss. sure, the apology might've also been based on distancing himself, but i would rather die than step down from my belief that aziraphale just wasn't able to grasp why crowley would kiss him if it weren't to apologise.

let me elaborate on this because i can't just put it in one point.

that kiss was seemingly out of the blue, for aziraphale. they had argued, it was nearly over, and then crowley decided to do something kind of - to aziraphale - a bit mental.

i mentioned, at the start of this bloody endless essay, that aziraphale is more adept at picking up on verbal cues. crowley, however, is able to pick up on non-verbal cues. what makes the scene so heart-wrenching is how they both choose to communicate. aziraphale explains again and again because words are what should make sense, and so crowley fumbles his way through communication. aziraphale listens - he waits, he's patient, like he always is - and then he just goes back to explaining, calmly, patiently, as if crowley is somehow just not understanding it. so crowley, as a last ditch attempt to get aziraphale to stay and rethink everything, kisses him.

you know that scene. the scene. this one.

this thing? this moment? you know, where aziraphale doesn't even flinch? i mentioned this earlier - aziraphale is prioritising the words, and listening to their meanings, disregarding the venom in his tone. there's a reason people keep comparing the two scenes! whilst shot similarly, the most harrowing similarities and differences arise the moment you look a bit deeper. for example, aziraphales demeanour. he's calm when crowley pins him to the wall and seethes in his tone, but he's flailing when kissed. see, when crowley finally does something that isn't accompanied by words - a human display of passion and love, a plea - aziraphale has nothing verbal to go off of.

"i forgive you" is a terrible thing to say, don't get me wrong, but aziraphale jumped to one conclusion. one that would let him believe - in his mind - the best case scenario. that the kiss was an apology. and so, when crowley storms out, we get this.

regret, confusion, guilt, that's all very present. he's not only misunderstood crowley, but he's talked down to him and severed a very important and close relationship. but the way he touches his own lips, oh my god.

aziraphale's always been tempted by humanely pleasures. food, obviously. but he also just enjoys their culture an obvious amount. books, for instance! that's not something you'd be getting in heaven, even though the bible is probably endorsed. books are a human thing. as is food, as is theatre, as is magic.

a kiss is totally within that spectrum. it's a human pleasure. and aziraphale adores that closeness, and he has just LOST IT FOREVER. it's the most specific look of regret i've ever seen on a character. it's performed so well. aziraphale truly thinks that he's doing what he's doing for good - transforming heaven, making it less corrupt, making it better. so when he walks away for good and gets in the elevator, he thinks he's making the right sacrifice. but, if you ask me, crowley must be thinking that aziraphale has finally found the one temptation he won't give into.

and it's crippling, for the both of them.

tldr; aziraphale fucked up so bad, and it is his own fault. but also, it's still totally in character!!!

sorry for the longest post ever oh mygod

[aesthetic-chills]

Seeing Good Omens 2 from the perspective of an abuse victim (of any kind) is even more heartbreaking. I'm in awe of how well this series was crafted.

I haven't seen actual hate against Aziraphale but I understand the frustration of the fandom, I myself want to kill him for being a fucking moron BUT, at the very start, Crowley was happy. He had pure, childlike, unapologetic joy. Aziraphale may not remember Crowley specifically, but he was smitten with him then, with this happy, gentle face among a vast emptiness of harsh people who are told not to question anything.

I don't think we have seen Crowley this happy and "pure" after the fall and I think he will never be like that again, which is something Aziraphale doesn't understand. He may not remember Crowley in particular (maybe), but he sees what happened to the fallen, he knows that they are not full of wonder and childlike happiness.

I'm not saying Crowley (or victims of abuse) can't be happy ever again, he can achieve happiness, be excited, but I don't think he will ever have the childlike happiness that comes with innocence again. What heaven did to him can't be erased.

Wanting to make everything "perfect" like it used to be (before trust was broken and damage inflicted) is literally like expecting a victim of abuse not to have changed fundamentally after what has been done to them. What happened can't be fixed, and that's what is so heartbreaking about the whole confession and Aziraphale's response.

Crowley has always being kind (not good or nice, just kind), as an angel AND a demon, which is at odds with an institution that told him that killing and doing horrible things is good because that is what God wants, no questions asked. He went to God with suggestions because he has a moral compass and he was punished for not blindly doing awful things.

No matter what anyone does, that can't be changed and the innocence heaven took away from him can't just be restored by "making heaven better now". Aziraphale is too kind of heart too, but he is still caught in a war between what he knows is right and what he thinks he has to do to protect them both.

He didn't fall and he was not there when Gabriel told him to shut his mouth and die. In a way, he has been protected from the full truth of what heaven is like. He is not stupid, he just had the fortune of keeping his innocence more or less intact till now.

He still thinks "demons are inherently bad and angels are inherently good" because he has been conditioned to think that. He knows how badly going against heaven ends for angels. He thinks he can make heaven better with Crowley at his side, not because he wants to change Crowley into someone good (he knows Crowley is kind), but because he wants to see him filled with Innocent joy again. He knows demons are kinda miserable to be honest.

He is doing this out of love for Crowley who, in his mind, must have been his happiest during his time as an angel. He just wants them to be together without the constant fear of "when is heaven going to try to destroy us again?". When the realization of what heaven really is and has always been hits him it's going to be very painful, and it should be. He needs to realize that he made the love of his life think that he turned him down for the THIRD TIME, to chose a side who wanted them both dead, because he is not enough.

Because, after 6000 years of properly knowing each other, and of Crowley showing all the time that he is kind, at times even more than Aziraphale himself, he is still not enough. He is a demon who needs to be "fixed" before he can be loved. He basically put his heart on display and got told that everything would be better and they could be together if he went back to the place were the most traumatic event of his life took place and changed who he is because, you know, he is kind, but he is a demon.

This is why my heart actually broke when he put the sunglasses back. They hid not only that he was crying, but his most obvious demonic feature, which he has always been confortable showing to Aziraphale because he thought they were partners, together, that they always had each others back. But it turns out, at least in Crowley's mind, that Aziraphale was holding up the hope of changing him, of stopping him from being a demon, so he distances himself with the glasses, and even with that distance, he still tried, he was still trying desperately to keep Aziraphale with him because he loves him, he gave all he had in that kiss but it was still not enough.

We have the miscommunication of the century here. An angel that is giving up his freedom to try to restore the innocent joy of the love of his life -something impossible because you can be happy and live your best life after trauma but it changes you permanently and that can't be undone- and in the process, he made his partner think that he doesn't love him for who he is but for who he was or could be; and a demon who is so kind that he is giving up the being he loves the most because going back to a rotten institution like heaven would go against everything he believes in, but who is also so bad at communicating, he failed to tell Aziraphale that everyone up there cheerfully wanted him to die, that Gabriel quit because heaven wanted to destroy earth again, and that they are still planning to do so.

I'm pretty sure Crowley actually remembers Aziraphale from before The Beginning. He keeps saying that he doesn't remember all the people from the fall or from when he was an Angel but I think he's lying. He was the only one who recognized The Metatron, something not even Michael did, and he remembers his rank and the "password" for confidential stuff. It must be so painful for him to see Aziraphale choosing a side Crowley deeply knows to be rotten instead of their relationship because of a lack of understanding on Aziraphale's part.

@neil-gaiman sir, I'm screaming internally from all the pain, thank you.

[seven-stars-in-his-palm]

Hey august i hope you have a great day💙 i was wondering, what are your top five favourite moments from good omens? :)

ohhh sonny why would you DO THIS TO ME!!!!! my response got overloaded and DELETED before i could finish this WHY!!!!!! gonna try and replicate best i can </3 also sorry this took so long, ive been agonizing over it for. So Long

okay lets start…. 5) the first one isnt a scene or moment so much as its a line. let me quote here for you:

"Three very crowded hours went past. They involved quite a lot of phone calls, telexes, and faxes. Twenty-seven people were got out of bed in quick succession and they got another fifty-three out of bed, because if there is one thing a man wants to know what he's woken up in a panic at 4:00 A.M, it's that he's not alone." (page 132).

look at the italics stuff. its so funny yet unintentionally heartwarming and romantic. i dont why its affecting me so much bro. ALSO. the second i read that the first time i took out my pen and annotated it to connect to our darling duo 😃 like god okay . sure. a demon who always sleep and is rightfully paranoid having someone to wake up when things go bump in the night.... 😭😭😭 its just so beautiful. hopeful even. this is never gonna leave me ever

4) the drunken bookshop interaction 11 Years Ago, but specifically the book's version because its so much sillier yet heavier. they have their silliness that makes it THEM but also talking about the end of the world in such a vulnerable state…. it also has the bird wearing down its beak on the mountain story, which i will never fucking get over ever. they're so!!!! comfortable!!! unguarded!!! while discussing the nature of their very existence!!!!! UGDHDH I COULD TALJ FOR HOURS but i musnt. im trying to make this quick

3) uhmmm this one waspretty hard but watching wee morag die, somehow. aziraphale's heavy "im going to save her" and he's TOO LATE?!!?! AND CROWLEY'S SOFT"aziraphale-" ITS JUST SO HARD TOWACTCH... and the score behind it too.. utter madness. utter MADNESS

2) the final fifteen, naturally. the feelings. the implications. we've known each other for a long time. we could be together. Gay. staring from across the road aa he makes the decision that will tear the two of them apart. and, ironically, DESPITE all that, you know the thing tbat gets me after ALL THAT?? after he leaves . crowley looks around. to nina, to maggie, to muriel. and he kinda has this expression on his face like "well, that's that then." resigned. kinda like an "oh, well." but. when he gets into that car. all of that masking and bravado just FALLS. and he's there. and he's clutching the wheel. and he is so done. AND HE DRIVES OFF. THATS WHAT GETS ME . NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I MIGHT WATCH THAT FINALE, ITS THAT MOMENT THAT ALWAYS GETS THE TEARS TO DOUBLE.

1) this is a nice tie in honestly, but the cold open of season 2 is MY LOVE!!!!! especially with the context of what's to come for them. their very first goddamned meeting.......creating the stars, spinning the crank, "this is all going to shut down in 6000 years", "what trouble can i get into just for asking a few questions".. EVEEYTHING, DELICATE ANGEL. EVERYTHING

[madwickedawesome]

ty for the good omens infodumping its actually so interesting pls tell me more im invested

HGGHGHNGHGHHGJDFJDF ok so the general gist of the story is theres an angel (aziraphale)(MEEEEEE) and a demon (crowley) and they r both so repressed theyve been pining for literally 6000 years bc they will never just talk to each other. and in s1 they do their DAMNDEST to stop the apocalypse from happening (there was an accidental swap between the antichrist baby and some kid and it was a whole thing) and be queer on the side. so heaven is this like. sanitary corporate solitary confinement sorta terrible area . and aziraphale does NOT fit in bc the angels r just as huge of assholes as the demons. and hell is a Different very messy very dark corporate wasteland and crowley doesnt fit in here either!!!!! and basically at the end of s1 aziraphale and crowley (after successfully defying heaven & hell) create their Own side which is like the secret little third thing. AND THEY JUST MAKE ME SO INSANE and its sooooo queer and soooooooo autism and i am both of those things! upon explaining it to my friend he said "Christanity but based + old man yaoi" and i found it very accurate so

s2 is seemingly about one of the terrible angels (gabriel)(now jim!!) losing his memory and finding himself naked and amnesic outside aziraphales bookshop and aziraphale has to hide him from Everyone as in Both Heaven And Hell. and a SILLY GOOSE ANGEL named muriel comes to investigate but ends up getting adopted by azi as well!!!!!!!!!! and it looks like theres gonna be more pining but also there was a leak where [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] so im insanely excited tee hee hee .

also further note aziraphale was written after me fr i will never be able to fully explain how insane he makes me he is THE EPITOME OF MY BEING. he is obsessed with doing the Good Thing and being a Good Angel and he refuses to make many new changes to his life and listens to classical music and loves himself some art and has been deeply in love with his best friend for a very long time and wears suits and is the silliest and and and HE JUST MAKES ME SO CRAZY like he is so me. but thats just that u know how it is

another side note???????? this s2 promo makes me want to DIE I AM SO EXCITED FOR SEASON 2.

theres a theory that crowley is going to betray aziraphale but i SERIOUSLY doubt it (except it he does it will NOT be intentional) bc that guy is smitten i promise u . u just have to watch it i swearI CANT TELL WHY NIER IS TRENDING ON TWITTER.ok i have no idea. sorry that was a little side note bc im word vomiting this but also i am so excited for season 2 it has me using twitter. its bad. ok toodles ejhhejwhklerhkewljer WATCH GOOD OMENS

[hyperfixating-rn-brb]

good omens season 3.

Aziraphale is now the Supreme archangel. He hates it. He just sits alone at his desk, browsing the earth observation files for every glimpse he can get of a certain man shaped being with red hair and dark glasses. Nothing has worked out the way he had hoped.

Everything was just one enormous misunderstanding, as it often was. He was just trying to make heaven safe for Crowley, make it so they could be truly free without always needing a backup plan, a side door open for them to run. All he wanted was to stay with Crowley, being an us. a team. a group of the two of them, as Crowley had put it. But they could never be together with this constant threat of Heaven and Hell looming over them. Yes, he convinced himself. He had no choice, coming here was the last thing he'd wanted but the only option he'd truly had. He still despised it.

As days wore into weeks and months, the Supreme archangel stopped caring about anything other than the glimpses of Crowley in the files. His hair grew long, a scruffy curly beard came in. He had given up on maintaining the standards he'd kept for so long on Earth; they had only ever really been for Crowley. It was al he could do to keep from constant tears as he watched the former demon through scattered photographs. Once the pictures stopped appearing, he snapped. There was no way to know if he'd been merely discorporated or entirely destroyed. He certainly wouldn't have returned to Hell willingly, and he most definitely wasn't in Heaven.

* * *

Crowley was done. He'd tried and tried and tried and he'd poured his heart out and offered it up on a silver platter. And Aziraphale had thrown it all away. For heaven. That toxic, sterile floor where every ounce of softness would be squeezed out of him until he was as cruel as the other archangels.

He didn't do much these days but drink. He refused to let himself sleep. He didn't need to, but denying himself that escape from his thoughts kept him in a state of such perfect agony, reminding him over and over how he wasn't good enough, and never could be unless he was an angel. Nina and Maggie kept trying to help, to talk, but he cut them off every time they tried to speak. Some days he drove, going no where in particular.

Somehow he always ended up somewhere though. The Globe. Edinburgh. The Ritz. Even a few times in Paris. The Bentley just started going wherever it wished now, pulling Crowley along inside it.

Eventually he decided there wasn't anything else he could do. Call Hell. Accept their offer of Grand Duke of Hell. The position was still open from Beelzebub's leaving with Gabriel.

Aziraphale had always praised him whenever he did something remotely kind. Thinking about that hurt too much now. Maybe this could be easier. If the angel would never love him, why waste energy doing the thing that made him lovable? Yes, he'd embrace Hell. reluctantly at first. Well, he convinced himself. This would be the only way to make sure Hell doesn't go after the new archangel. It hurt to think of him, but he couldn't help himself. 6000 years where the most of his brain was consumed by the blonde bookseller, 6000 of sheltering him, rescuing him and promptly offering lunch together. Old habits die hard, he would never stop trying to protect his angel.

[iknaenmal]

tell me about ur new hyperfixation babe

YES THANK YOU OH MY GOD

OKAY. OKAY LETS SEE

theres. well theres this baby who is satans son. and theres also crowley everyone say hi crowley. okay so theres also two demons and actually you know what ill talk about crowley and aziraphale sorry i have been thinkijg about them nonstop for the past four days.

OKAY LETS SEE. (this time for real) crowley and aziraphale have been best friends for like. 6000 years i think? well. more like "best friends" with quotation marks idk if you get what i mean. like uhh off the top of my head i can remember two scenarios. one time aziraphale was. i dont remember where probably england ig. and he said ohh id love to eat some crepes!!!! and he went to paris bc apparently the only good crepes are made there. i think i should also mention that the french revolution was happening then. and so aziraphale went there all dapper and . well french people were decapitating members of nobility and they thought aziraphale looked a lot like an aristocrat. so they caught him and were going to decapitate him but then crowley appeared and saved him. i just mainly thought the crepes thing was funny tbh

AND THEN THE OTHER THING I REMEMBER. well there was a church. and. okay there were a lot of things happening there lets see. i honestlt dont remember exactly what was happening there but umm. aziraphale was hired by some guys to get all the prophetic books he could find including the. the nice and accurate prophecies of agnes nutter which he couldnt find. so turns out those two guys were actually umm. members of a mafia iirc? probably not but something like that. and they well they threatened to kill him for some reason. but aziraphale had been working with some random woman who came to help him. but turns out the woman was also a member of the midnight crew mafia and threatened to kill him as well. oh how the turn tables. BUT suddenly crowley appeared and was walking in quite a goofy manner bc the uhh. christian power of the church burned his feet or something. so well he introduced to the mafia guys and then he said oh yeah btw theres a missile coming right here and the guys were like wtf are you talking about they were gonna throw it somewhere else and oh rhis is confusing let me use quotation marks. so crowley said "yeah it would be very unlucky if it was thrown here. wink wink" and they were like "ummm i dont think what youre saying is true" and crowley said "ok i dont really care. also if the missile was thrown here my good friend aziraphale and i would die as well isnt that fun. we would need a miracle to survive to that. wink wink" so suddenly there was a missile and it exploded but crowley and aziraphale survived. bc of a miracle. probably bc aziraphale is an angel and can do that kinda stuff. and aziraphale is v thankful of that but then remembers the books which were rly important bc they were the first editions of those books. and crowley pulled out the suitcase the books were in from under a boulder and gave it to aziraphale. romantic music starts as aziraphale watches crowley walk away. flutters my eyelashes and i let out a dreamy sigh

Ok im gonna cut it here bc this is rly long but i think its pretty clear that im normal about them. completely normal

[lemonnnie]

im so normal about the inneffable husband and that one scene (rant lol)

no cus like i keep rewatching the damn scene over and over and my mind has been disecting it so much oH MY GOD

IM SO NORMAL ABOUT THEM.

THE WAY?? CROWLEY'S "TELL ME YOU SAID NO" SAID SO MUCH EMOTION?? like the first time he said it was filled with anger and a dash of hope, that hope immediately ruined with him asking the second time with just eyes of betrayal and disbelief. the angel he knew, he loved, would choose sides again over him?? would choose the workplace he was literally told to go shut up and die. LIKE??????????

AND CROWLEY FULL ON STUTTERING WITH TRYING TO EXPRESS HIS FEELINGS BECAUSE HES NOT USED TO EXPRESSING HOW HE FEELS WITH WORDS??? IMS O??? HES SO ME.

AND AZIRAPHALE'S EYES, GLISTENING WAS NOT HELPING WHATSOEVER. ITS SO FULL OF EMOTIONS. THE WAY HE SAID I NEED YOU, HE DOES. HE NEEDS CROWLEY.

HES REBUILDING HEAVEN INSIDE OUT FOR CROWLEY.

HES DOING THIS FOR CROWLEY.

he wants them to be together, as angels, the first time they met. he wants that. he wants it back. (me too i miss angel crowley)

AND THEN THE NIGHTINGALE LINE. FOUL.

NEIL GAIMAN. YOU FOUL MAN. I AM INSIDE YOUR WALLS. IF WE DO NOT GET A SEASON 3 IM CLIMBING OUT.

AND AND AND THE

'you idiot. this could've been... us.'

OH MY GOD THAT LINE BROKE ME

and crowley delivering the only human expression he knows that would make someone fall in love, a kiss.

a kiss, that, did not work. (or did it-)

'i forgive you.'

he didnt need to hear that. he didnt need to hear that again.

hes unforgivable after all, its what makes him a demon.

but hell (or heaven?) to demons or angels, he wants to be with aziraphale, as he is, in earth, or wherever, together. he's been waiting 6000 years for this. and he has to wait 6000 years more

for that one scene where he stood still, awaiting leaning on his bentley. waiting, maybe aziraphale'll come back.

BROKE ME JSHJKTKJHGJ IMS OO SOOO NORMAL ABOUT THEM OH MY GODDD (literally sobbing rn also love how im literally more emotional about them then my own confusing relationship lol)

HHFHGGH GODDDD

WELP THANK U FOR READINF THIS RANT I GUESS

[iamnot-theboynextdoor]

GOOD OMENS EPISODE 1 (THE ARRIVAL) REACTION (updating as i go!)

ooooooh my god it's here

BEFORE THE BEGINNING this looks epic

LIL BABY ANGEL CROWLEY WITH HIS LIL PERFECT CURLS AND IS HE HOLDING PART OF THE BENTLEY?????

DSFLKHADKJGHADKJ AZIRAPHALE (i knew they met but i wasn't prepared)

angel!crowley's eyes are brown <3

AAAAA AZIRAPHALE DID HIS LITTLE MID-CONVERSATION "(i forgot to say hello) hello :D" shit boy i die!!!

we're not getting crowley's angel name, fair enough (NOT FAIR I WANNA KNOW WHAT IT ISSSSSSS)

also angel!crowley clearly outranks aziraphale here. i never personally ascribed to the Crowley Is Raphael headcanon, but i might just have to eat my unspoken words there

"let there be light" and the galaxies explode and it's beautiful and angel!crowley's little facey and squeaks of delight, we are not even two minutes in and i can't handle it

are those the pillars of creation??

"look at you, you're gorgeous!" AND AZIRAPHALE THINKS HE MEANS HIM AND IS DISAPPOINTED. I FUCKING DIE

godddd aziraphale has such a crush on him. kill me

i love how aziraphale doesn't seem to understand a word of what angel!crowley's talking about. when ur crush has a really niche hobby and all u can do is smile and nod

oh no the record slowing down! :( poor baby angel crowley... only 6000 years of stars... he's so sad...

now aziraphale's talking about people and baby angel is just like WTF. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M JUST MAKING WALLPAPER THAT THEY WON'T EVEN MOSTLY SEE!!!!!

"i don't suppose anyone could object to me putting a note in the suggestion box" someone's gonna smash cut that to "i only ever asked questions!" ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch

aziraphale freaking out at the very idea of questioning authority. this angel can fit so much anxiety in it

"i'd hate to see you getting into any trouble" KILL ME!!!!

"how much trouble can i get into just for asking a few questions?" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AND IT RAINS STARS AND ANGEL!CROWLEY PUTS HIS WING OVER AZIRAPHALE DSKJFHSGKAJSHGKJ IT'S BEEN SIX MINUTES AND I HAVE TO PAUSE IT TO GO RUN AROUND THE HOUSE

present day!

maggie and her record shop are one of aziraphale's tenants, and she can't pay the rent because of how covid affected her business - she's sobbing and saying she can pack up and leave and he's just like "well that's my fault for not collecting the rent. i'll take this nice record as payment" "you can't just forgive eight months of rent!" "i can, i'm very good at forgiveness :D" I LOVE HIMB

and there's crowley at the park! and shax! (it's the scene we saw)

"hell doesn't care how jobs get done" shax has taken over a+c's clandestine secret agent meeting place, she is full-on hinting at her own Arrangement (and probably thinks she came up with the idea!) and crowley cbf

i really like shax's voice - none of madam tracy's airy lightness, she's all business. she's also a lil baby demon-intern who is trying just as hard as crowley did to be Cool and Mysterious and James Bond-y and i love her. she wants her own spy network so badly

"what do you have for me?" "frozen peas. that's what you feed ducks." crowley says fuck your spy network

(maybe. as just a headcanon. crowley will let her borrow shadwell (i know he's not in it))

MAGGIE AND NINA!!!

"dunno who buys records in this day and age" nina is such a crowley and maggie is such an aziraphale. they are so cute

UH OH HERE COMES THE NAKEY BOY

HOLDING UP TRAFFIC WITH HIS NAKEY SELF THERE'S HIS BUTT

aziraphale doing nothing but listening to his record and pretending to conduct sdfkdsgkjdshg

MAKING MY WAY DOWNTOWN ASSCHEEKS OUT PEOPLE SHOUT AND I'M HOMEBOUND

aziraphale's "ugh" at his conducting being interrupted lmao

GABRIEL HUGS AZIRAPHALE, FULLY NAKED. POOR AZIRAPHALE, ONLY GOT HALFWAY THROUGH HIS RECORD, NOW IT'S SUFFERING TIME

"oh and it would also be great to know where here is and also who you are and also who i am" "and also why you're naked!" "who told you i was naked" I AUDIBLY SCREAMED

"can i come in?" "no!" poor aziraphale looks terrified

maggie introduces herself to nina just like aziraphale introduced himself to angel!Crowley I SAW THAT

cut to heaven - michael is prepared to use Extreme Sanctions (what r those).

love the highlighter bestie

hot chocolate scene :)

of course he left the box outside. bet it's gone

no it's there!

"either call on the phone and talk or appear mysteriously, don't do both" aww. shax is SO baby.

"his royal smugness is in trouble? that's so sad >:3"

THE BOX IS FUCKIGN EMPTY

"you're funny. i love you." SKFHDSGKJDSHGKJSDGH GABRIEL IS DUG FROM UP

(if that's the first time someone has said "i love you" to aziraphale. and it's fuckign amnesiac naked gabriel i am goign to explode)

"what's gabriel?" "you are!" "cool. i love it. gaaaaaabriel."

"no- you're, um, jim!" "cool. i love it. jimmmmmm. short for gabriel." "no, short for james." "cool. i love it. jaaaaaaaaames. long for jim, short for gabriel." "JUST FORGET ABOUT GABRIEL"

"i find it hard to forget things" "then what was in the box" "what box" /aziraphalesuffering.gif

"hello, it's me. don't say anything. ...are you there?" "should i say something now?" AZIRAPHALE AND CROWLEY ARE INTERACTING AND FINALLY THE TRUE DUMBASSERY BEGINS

there's a fly hanging around gabriel. very suspicious

in heaven - a matchbox with "out of his mouth go burning lamps, and sparks of fire leap out, job 41:19" on it, and muriel very nervously picks it up!

"you have three reasons for calling me: you're bored, you need to tell someone about something clever you did before you pop, or something's wrong" "it's nice to tell someone about the good things you've done, now that i'm not reporting to heaven" poor aziraphale still wants a good grade in angel

the "naked man friend" scene LMAO

"he and i... go back a long time" YEAH LONGER THAN WE THOUGHT

crowley trying to get information out of aziraphale is just as hard as aziraphale trying to get information out of gabriel lmao

he chugs his six shots of espresso in one go and aziraphale takes the plate without realising GIVE NINA HER PLATE BACK

aziraphale hands crowley the plate so he can unlock the bookshop and crowley just looks at it like "why am i holding this"

aww maggie bringing nina an awkward present and then saying sorry for bringing it without asking...

nina is in a(n unhealthy) relationship NOOOOOOOOO

"you'll never guess who shax was asking me about" "i think perhaps i will" "go on then" "...jim" lmao

"do we know a jim- AAAAAA GABRIEL"

"ASK HIM PROPERLY!!! WHAT- ARE- YOU- DOING- IN- THIS- BOOK- SHOP-!!!!!" (calm down mr "grow better") (actually don't. last time he saw gabriel he was wearing aziraphale's face and gabriel called "aziraphale" stupid and told him to die. so this is justified actually)

gabriel like (oh is this how we're supposed to talk?) "I- AM- DUSTING."

"precious, peaceful, fragile existence" scene CRIES

"if you refuse to help me then you're at liberty to go" "to go? this is how you wanna do it?" "NO I WOULD LOVE YOU TO HELP ME! i'm asking you to help me take care of him"

(is this the first time aziraphale has directly asked crowley for help? i cry)

but the pouting doesn't work, crowley angrily storms out "just breathe, that's what humans do, then they count to ten before they do anything stupid... I CAN'T DO THIS I'M JUST SO ANGRY TEN!!" /redlightning.gif

and nina's security system activates and now her and maggie are locked in with dead phones >:3 oh no >:3

back in heaven - michael wants to be Acting Supreme Archangel, uriel isn't having it

"someone's gotta give the orders" "and that's you?" "it's... all of us" "ah." "...led by me" "mm." SO UNIMPRESSED.

HERE COMES SERAQUEL AND MURIEL

seraquel's floating wheelchair is so cool

i love michael and uriel and seraquel's matching sparkly highlighter, which has replaced the ostentatious gold fashions in heaven. i love that heaven has fashion trends and the archangels co-ordinate them.

"who are you?" "no-one! well, technically, muriel!" i love themb

THE HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS MATCHBOX

michael: how do i click the matchbox

it says "the resurrectionist" on it... clues...

poor crowley in his car with his plants... and flies. "IN MY CAR! REALLY???" "hello traitor. i suppose you're wondering why i called you here" "YOU CAME TO ME!" cloud of flies!beezlebub looks equally horrific and cool. also what a terrible way to be kidnapped

"what if i said hell was willing to forget everything you did, that we were willing to accept you back, no questions asked, with a hefty promotion... if you found gabriel and handed him over to us, you could name your price...anyone found involved in this affair will be Dealt With" "...how?" "Extreme. Sanctions." oh i don't like any of this!

"that isn't actually a thing, that's just something we used to joke about to frighten the cherubs" "no, it exists. anyone found involved in gabriel's disappearance will be erased from the Book of Life. they won't just be gone, they will never have existed." WELL NOW THAT'S A PRETTY FUCKIGN SERIOUS THREAT JESUS

"someone could break into my record shop and i couldn't stop them" "if i had a record shop, i'd be more worried about people breaking in and leaving more records behind" nina is so fucking funny

"good old fashioned lover boy" playing as crowley GUNS IT for the bookshop

"oh, really? my bad" crowley rescues them and he full-on miracles the power back on right in front of them

nina's partner lindsay is a stage 5 clinger, girl DTMFA, you've got a nice maggie right there

crowley walks into the bookshop and aziraphale glances at him and Very Pointedly Ignores Him

"you want a big I Think I Said The Wrong Thing sort of apology, or can we take that as said?" "i'd like the apology, actually" sdfkjdshgksjdhksg

"...you were right" "not good enough. i want a proper apology." "no." "with the little dance." (SDFKGHDSGKJDSHGJ WHAT?????) "i don't do the dance." "i did the I Was Wrong Dance in 1650, in 1793, in 1941-" (I HAVE TO KEEP PAUSING TO SCREAM. that's both the french revolution and ww2 scenes, where crowley romantically saved aziraphale EXCEPT HE MADE HIM DO A LITTLE APOLOGY DANCE I'M DEAD)

THE DANCE. THE CURTSEY. I'M DEAD

"you were right, you were right, i was wrong, you were right" ("i'm crowley and i was wrong, i'm singing the crowley wrong song" "do the kicks!")

"together?" "yes, we do a little miracle" "i think heaven would notice if i performed even a very minor miracle" okay so aziraphale hasn't performed a miracle in FOUR YEARS (this angel can fit so much anxiety in him!!!!) and crowley just. doesn't give a fuck and does miracles in front of anybody

gabriel! "where did you come back from?" "outside" "is it big? can i see the outside?" GABRIEL YOU CAME HERE FROM OUTSIDE YOU GOLDFISH

"what if we each did half a miracle to hide him"

"...until we figure out what's actually going on." "i know what's going on! i don't go to the outside, and now i have two friends! :D" "I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND"

"no one will have noticed a thing!" and they're both so pleased with themselves so of course someone will notice

cut to FUCKING ALARM BELLS RINGING IN HEAVEN JESUS CHRIST

uriel's like michael you said you wanted to be in charge this one's for you and michael's immediately like UGGGGHHH I HAVE TO DO WORK???

there's FUCKING PURPLE SMOKE COMING OFF THE GLOBE WHERE AZIRAPHALE'S SHOP IS

VERY SUSPICIOUS!!!!

(end of episode one)

this was so fucking great!!!! i'm so happy to see everyone again!!!! god is not narrating... where is she? (she's eating popcorn)

ooh i like the end credits- choral version of the theme mixed with everyday

[captainkirkk]

✩ WEEKLY FIC ROUND-UP ✩

*DOESN'T contain spoilers for No Way Home

All the fics I’ve read and really enjoyed in the past week-ish. Reminder: This list features any and all ratings and themes.

Good Omens

Born To Take Care Of You by WyvernQuill

"Which Duke do you work under?" Azirafell asked conversationally, snapping a mug of something hot and sweet into existence and taking a sip. "Because I do hope they're considering you for promotion."

"Ngh?" Raphael blinked, feeling a little like the muddy rug had been pulled out from beneath him. "What?"

"Well, an enterprising young demon like you…" Azirafell smiled at him in a way that was all Lecherous Temptation, Raphael could tell from the detestable effect it had on the very pit of his stomach. "...ought to go places, in my humble opinion."

"Hah." Said Raphael, very lost. "Demon?"

In which the Archangel Raphael watches over humanity, prevents the End of the World, and spends 6000 years falling in love with a demon who doesn't even know his real name. It's fine... ...until Heaven finds out, that is.

The Results of Reviewing the Reported Rumours by herebewyverns

Every army is made up, primarily, of foot-soldiers. While the Generals may gleefully declare war, they are not the ones who will die first, but rather the lowly canon-fodder take up that role. If only there was someone to plead for peace that they could put their faith in… -

Aziraphale and Crowley were by no means the only angel and demon to have doubts about how wonderful the War to End Everything was going to be, but they were the only ones to speak out so loudly against it. They *might* have developed something of a reputation in their old sides…

TMA

SCP Tales - The Magnus Archives by WolfesPuppies

The SCP Foundation has some new objects.

Marvel

how to make friends: an essay by peter parker by softlyblue

me: hey have u seen twitter

matt: i haven’t seen twitter no

me: that stopped being funny about 203738 years ago

dont interact (wade): dont listen 2 him bby ur hilarious

Daredevil and Deadpool and Spiderman. The only thing - the only thing - they have in common is the red in their suits.

And, apparently, their unique ability to put up with one another.

5 Times Tony had Too Much Money and One Time Peter Did by AoifeAnAmadan

Peter has always known that he didn't have quite as much money as the other kids, but he had love, food and a roof over his head. After Ben's death money got a little tighter.

Aka: Five Times Tony Surprised Peter With His Wealth and One Time Peter Surprised Him Back

Star Wars

words are a gift that can be taken away by CallToMuster

“Obi-Wan?”

A groan came from the bed. Blankets unfurled to reveal his Master was curled up in the center, limbs tight against his body and face creased with pain.

Shit. Anakin knew exactly what was happening now.

[Or: Anakin helps Obi-Wan through a bad migraine and its associated aphasia.]

[aziraphales-library]

I have a fondness for fics where Aziraphale is sexually experienced and Crowley has either limited or no experience when they start a romantic and sexual relationship. Human AU or canon selves, I'm not picky.

Do you lovely mods or any of the readers have any recommendations for me? Thanks in advance and you're all amazing for all the work you do!

Here are some recs for you...

Long Haul by snae_b (E)

First time he sees him he’s barreling down 40 like a bat out of hell. Thirty miles outside of Flagstaff and six hours behind schedule. The desert looming large on all sides. Red sand and sage stretching out for miles and miles in front of him. Juniper and pine and gray crag behind him. The flora might be changing but that's about it. Same bone-dry air that gives him nosebleeds. Same cute little cottontails and scrawny jackrabbits darting under his tires. Same two lanes separated by white lines... He checks his speedometer. He hasn't downshifted since the city limits. Sheer luck, that. He's coming up fast on another rig. Flatbed with Vermont plates. Bright white cab with gold wings painted on the side.

Anthony Crowley might have gotten out of Missouri, but he hasn't escaped his past. He wears it like a cloak. When he crosses paths with a guardian angel, he starts to learn how to shed it.

Live In Thy Heart, (Maybe?) Die In Thy Lap by missgiven (E)

After six thousand years of pining and one mismanaged apocalypse, Crowley and Aziraphale finally have begun their long-anticipated sexual relationship. And it's great! Well, it's fine. It's really, really fine.

Mostly.

---

In which Crowley discovers his asexuality and Aziraphale supports him -- sometimes with disastrous results.

An excursion through the relatively new sex life of two immortal beings in love, featuring: bruised egos, horticulture, a shocking lack of self knowledge, implied carnal knowledge of Walt Whitman, and of course, a happy ending.

Show Me by Zockerbestha (E)

After 6000 years of yarning and pining, one would think Crowley knew what was ahead of him once it was over and he had what he always wanted. But he finds himself utterly overwhelmed and desperate to be led. Luckily, Aziraphale was prepared.

The Fullest Range by thinlizzy2 (E)

Aziraphale is surprised to learn that Crowley has never had sex, and even more surprised when Crowley asks for his help to change that. Still, as a good friend, he's more than willing to offer his assistance. He doesn't expect it to lead to anything more, but Crowley has always had a way of surprising him.

In which experienced Aziraphale deflowers virgin Crowley, and as a side-bonus, finally realises what should have been obvious all along.

5 things Crowley wanted to try with Aziraphale, and 1 thing that Aziraphale wanted by sharkie335 (E)

It's after the apocalypse that wasn't, and Crowley doesn't want to let Aziraphale out of sight. Turns out Aziraphale is okay with that, and a lot of other things as well.

tar was dripping from his brush by Chrononautical (E)

After holding hands on a park bench for three days straight because neither of them want to let go first, Aziraphale comes to the joyful realization that Crowley might just be willing to sleep with him.

- Mod D

[lady-divine-writes]

Good Omens one-shot “At the End” (Rated PG)

Summary: When the angels and demons finally succeed in having their war, there's only one thing that Aziraphale and Crowley can do with the time Earth has left...

Say goodbye to their home. (1408 words)

Notes: I wrote this hoping I would be accepted into a zine that ended up being canceled. The theme was basically what happens after Armageddon.

Read on AO3.

"Wot do you think you'll miss most about Earth?"

"Really, my dear?" Aziraphale clicks his tongue in disgust, but he can't bring himself to look away from the chaos ensuing below them to berate his companion properly. "What a question to ask at a time like this!"

"I think this is the perfect time to ask that question," Crowley says, but without his teasing edge. He offers it sympathetically. They both have a similar connection to this planet, had an investment in it thriving, but Crowley feels Aziraphale's heart breaking more than his. "When you lose something, you mourn it."

"It's not entirely lost! N-not yet." Aziraphale chokes around the words. Even though they leave his mouth passionately, he knows he has sinned by saying them. 

Not lost yet may be the biggest lie he's ever told. 

The first few hours had been soul-crushing. 

The moment Holy rays broke through the clouds and shone down from above, ethereal voices announcing the arrival of God's angelic army, a flock of the faithful came out in droves to greet them. They prayed, sang joyously, raised their voices to the Heavens, invoked every one of God's Holy monickers. It should have been a huge stroke to Her ego... if She had been paying attention.

From Aziraphale and Crowley's perch atop St. Paul's Cathedral, that doesn't appear to be the case.

Those God-fearing mortals were the first to get trodden underfoot as angels barreled over them to confront their enemy - an extremely vulgar and unnecessary display when one considers that angelic footsoldiers can fly.

Hordes of evil-doers emerged from hiding as well, in lesser, but equally exuberant, numbers. They seemed suspiciously more eager for the fight, proving that those who call themselves 'Christian' might outnumber worshippers of Lucifer, but demons had their zealots better prepared for what the end of times would actually entail.

Either way, it didn't matter.

Those humans willing to spill blood at the drop of a hat, even their own, were used as cannon fodder against a foe they couldn't possibly hope to defeat. Within seconds, thousands lay dead on the streets of London and, Aziraphale suspected, all over the world.

For their part, Aziraphale and Crowley refused to join the battle, but no one paid them a lick of attention. An angel cavorting with a demon was no longer an issue. They could finally do as they pleased without fear of retribution, albeit on a planet whose hours were numbered.

"I would have to say I'm going to miss my car," Crowley continues, provoking conversation in an effort to allay his angel's anxiety. "And my flat. And alcohol. Hell's bells am I going to miss alcohol."

"Pity we don't have some now. I think a hull full would find itself useful," Aziraphale adds in a weak attempt at humor.

"Wot about you? Will you miss the food? Your bookshop?"

Aziraphale sighs. "Humanity."

Crowley raises a brow. "Humanity?"

"Yes. Without humanity, the rest of it wouldn't have been possible." Aziraphale scans the carnage below, trying not to focus for too long on any one thing... or any one person. He's already seen too many faces he recognizes, twisted from agony. "Without humanity, it wouldn't have meant anything."

"I suppose."

A tortured voice rings out, but it's snuffed out quickly. Aziraphale doesn't know which side does it, but he shakes his head in shame all the same. “I thought She’d show them mercy. I thought that, in the end, She’d come through. Spare them. That She wouldn't allow them to suffer as bystanders in all of this.”

“I hate to be the one to say I told you so, but… ”

“Then don’t, my dear.” Aziraphale reaches out and takes Crowley's hand, pleading wordlessly for him to stop, but also needing him for comfort. “Where is She? Where has She gone? Why has She abandoned them?”

"You've been asking that question for generations. I would think, by now, you'd know the answer."

"But I don't. Perhaps I should... " Aziraphale swallows heavily, his attention pulled to the skies by a streak of gold, then one of violet, passing overhead. "They know," he spits bitterly. Crowley follows his angel's gaze to the trails above them, one which he assumes must be Gabriel's. "She's obviously told them."

"Perhaps not," Crowley says, not in an attempt to defend Her, but to soothe his angel. "Just like last time, they're doing wot they think is right. Following wot they believe."

"And what do they believe? I don't know! They've never told me!"

"You'd think you'd all be on the same page. I mean, there's a book about it and all."

Aziraphale scoffs at that. "I think you and I both know that the archangels, Gabriel in particular, have never held any stock in books. Books are primitive, human things. They have nothing to do with angels. Not even the Bible... " A host more gold streaks zip by, and Aziraphale's words trail off into nothingness. Of all the books in Aziraphale's collection, his Bibles have always been his favorites. And not just the misprinted ones. The words inside gave him comfort, especially during those long stretches when he didn't hear from God at all. Though written by man, they were imparted by Her (if he overlooked the dodgy editing). 

But they're gone. Not a single one remains, not even in the church where they stand, its insides crackling, burning beneath their feet.

Earth had become Aziraphale's Eden. Now, so many things he held dear are disappearing before his eyes.

Crowley squeezes the hand holding his. "Come, my love. It’s time to leave the garden.”

Aziraphale's eyes snap his way. They linger on his face for a moment, then drop to their clasped hands. “6000 years on this planet and you choose today of all days to call me your love?”

“I'm sorry." Crowley inches closer, lifts Aziraphale's hand to his mouth and kisses it. "I really am. I should have said it sooner. But I’m going to take you to a place where I’ll say it every day. I promise.” He wraps an arm around his angel's shoulders, gently urging Aziraphale to leave before the battle brewing, showing no sign of slowing down until it has consumed every last brick, every last breath of air, swallows them, too.

But Aziraphale hesitates. "C-can't we take them with us?" He gestures down to a tattered group of frightened survivors - a shivering young woman, no older than twenty-five if she's a day, and three children, all under the age of ten - huddled in a narrow crevice created by a metal door off its hinges, sheltering them among the rubble of the church's ruined stairs. 

They've found themselves a decent hideaway, Aziraphale thinks. But he knows they're simply delaying the inevitable. They'll be found out before too long, become collateral damage.

Like everyone else.

"We can't just leave them to die, Crowley."

"We have no other choice." Crowley's need to escape intensifies as he watches the poor humans, tastes their fear rise with the heat of the flames. "Besides, perhaps they'll pull through. You never know. Humans have always been resourceful. They might find a way." 

"Do you honestly think so?"

"Yes," Crowley lies. He would give his angel anything in the universe, anything within his power. He's trying to give him faith.

Because he can't give him this. 

They can't save anyone but themselves.

Crowley turns Aziraphale away, blocks his view by unfurling his dark wings, ready to lift his angel into the air on his own if Aziraphale refuses. "I'm sorry, my love. We must leave them behind."

Aziraphale relents, unfurling his own white wings and heading for the upper atmosphere, watery eyes focused on the where in front of him and not the destruction behind him, with Crowley's shard of hope keeping his heart pinned in place. 

Crowley should do the same. Ignorance is bliss, after all. But like Lot's wife, Crowley peeks behind him one last time to say goodbye to this place that has been his home for most of his existence. 

It was a wonderful existence, but mostly because he had Aziraphale there to muddle through with him.

At least Crowley will still have him when all is said and done.

The last thing Crowley sees before they breach the clouds is St. Paul's Cathedral crumble in on itself, leaving behind a mound of ash.

And nothing more.

[nicnacsnonsense]

Okay so this is going to be part Good Omens meta, part head canon, all ramble, but I promise I have a point. Well, technically it’s a question, but I am going somewhere with this; there’s just going to be a lot of pit stops and detours along the way.

We’re starting with Crowley. I know Aziraphale’s the soft one, but Crowley’s pretty soft for a demon. He’s not a total cuddly marshmallow like I see him portrayed as sometimes – he does seem to genuinely enjoy the “annoying people” parts of his job. Though even then he doesn’t seem to enjoy the annoyance for its own sake as much as the fact that it represents he has been successful; what he really seems to enjoy is the cleverness and artistry of it – the way he describes knocking out the telephone systems in the book is like a beautiful symphony of irritation. (Actually it’s weird to me that Hastur and Ligur’s method of chipping away at one soul at a time for years is called craftmanship while Crowley’s method is presented as a matter of efficiency. Like H&L are over here making artisanal meals with only the finest ingredients while Crowley is slinging out fast food burgers. Because to me Crowley’s method seems the one that takes more consideration and skill and is, taken for what it is, a thing of beauty, whereas H&L thing just seems like blunt-force trauma. I’m sorry you sat on this guy’s shoulder whispering in his ear for ten years in order to win his soul over? Unless he’s literally Job or Jesus Christ, I’m not impressed.) Crowley isn’t a total marshmallow, but he is soft. He’s not cruel or sadistic and he doesn’t like seeing people get genuinely hurt or killed. Now when other demons are sadistic, he doesn’t like it, but he seems to largely accept it as the way things are. When Heaven does terrible things, he seems kind of disgusted but not terribly surprised. But when it’s the humans or God doing terrible things, that’s what hits him hard. For slightly different reasons in each case, but ultimately it boils down to “I thought you were better than this,” and he cannot emotionally handle it when they prove they aren’t.

Moving on to Aziraphale (I promise we’ll come back to our soft demon boi in a minute). There’s a lot of different takes out there about how book Aziraphale differs from show Aziraphale, but the most compelling one I’ve ever seen argues that it’s not so much that Aziraphale is inherently different as it is Heaven is different in the two versions, which in turn impacts how Aziraphale behaves. In the book Heaven shows up on three occasions: when Aziraphale calls Heaven and speaks with the Metatron, when Aziraphale accidentally gets himself beamed up to Heaven (which could be considered a continuation of the same event), and at the airbase to try to restart the Apocalypse. In all of these cases either Aziraphale reached out to Heaven first or his presence was incidental to Heaven showing up. The general implication is that no one is checking in on him really; he has his own personal loyalty and sense of duty to Heaven urging him to do what they expect of him, but unless he’s really blatant about it, no one’s going to know if he breaks the rules here and there. Book Aziraphale’s life is basically one long “who you are in the dark” test, with the plot twist at the end where he flicks on the lights switch and flips everyone off while he does the thing he wasn’t supposed to because it turns out that was the right thing to do all along.

By contrast in the show Heaven is showing up all the time. Aziraphale is dragged up there multiple times for reports, archangels are constantly popping down to Earth to talk with him, and they actually proactively uncover Aziraphale’s involvement with Crowley. Granted, we can assume this is a higher than normal rate of involvement because of the fast-approaching Apocalypse, but the point remains that show Aziraphale is dealing with a lot more oversight. If he breaks the rules, there is a good chance he will be caught, and even if he just does something perfectly allowed but considered to be unbefitting an angel, he will be met with scorn and disapproval. That’s why show Aziraphale is more anxious, less likely to break any rules, and more cautious if he does so.

An extension of this difference in how Heaven behaves that I haven’t seen mentioned before, is it impacts how Aziraphale perceives Hell to be. Aziraphale doesn’t have any real firsthand experience of Hell, so he has to make inferences as far as what they’re like to work for. His main two sources of information are going to be what Heaven tells him – likely to be sparse and often inaccurate – and what Crowley tells him – honestly also likely to be sparse and often inaccurate. Obviously, Crowley knows what working for Hell is like, and there are probably some areas that he’s willing to be fairly open and straight-forward about. But when it comes to things like punishments for failure or disobedience, Crowley’s going to spend most of the time evading and downplaying with occasional bits of shocking honesty to make a point and blatant overexaggerations for dramatic effect. With limited information to go on, Aziraphale is forced to use what Heaven’s like and extrapolate from there. And since the book and show versions have two such different starting points, even if book Aziraphale concludes Hell is more overbearing than book Heaven and show Aziraphale concludes Hell is less thorough on following up than show Heaven, they are still going to come to very different conclusions as to how present and aware of what Crowley is up to Hell is. Which is relevant because not only is show Aziraphale dealing with a Heaven that is more like to catch misbehavior, he also perceives Hell as being more aware and therefore Crowley more likely to be caught and punished than book Aziraphale does.

Circling back to Crowley and his emotional upset at the cruelties of the world. The reason we had to talk about Aziraphale is because how he behaves has an impact on how Crowley copes. Now with the book we don’t have our “a love 6000 years in the making” backstory, and Crowley and Aziraphale are just generally less prominent than they are in the show, which means we have less to go on. The only real reference we get is Crowley’s reaction to the Spanish Inquisition. He gets a commendation for it without having done anything, goes to take a look, and then gets drunk for a week. This would imply that drinking is how he handles these sorts of things, but I don’t think we’re getting the full story here. I say think because this is the most head canon-y part of all this; I don’t have any real evidence other than if you assume this is true then it does explain some things I’ll get to in a minute. The book tells us that after looking in on the Inquisition Crowley “had come back and got drunk for a week.” But back to where? The implication is back to the cantinas in the nicer parts of Spain where he had been before going for his look, but I think he went back to Aziraphale (who may very well have already been in the cantinas with him anyway). Because honestly, an actual literal demon with actual literal snake eyes getting shitfaced drunk in the middle of the Spanish Inquisition, knowing full well he’ll melt into a puddle of goo and die if anyone even sprinkles any holy water on him, is pretty fucking stupid. But if that demon had an actual literal angel watching over him… Aziraphale is by nature a guardian/protector, and in the book he isn’t constantly concerned about their relationship being discovered. I think over time Crowley has learned that if he needs to fall apart or be vulnerable for a while, he can go to Aziraphale and rely on Aziraphale watching over him and supporting him until he’s ready to pull himself back together again.

Show Aziraphale does not have the same freedom as his book counterpart, and so cannot always reliably be there for Crowley in the same way. Which is not a dig on Aziraphale at all; he’s in a different situation where he has to be focused on keeping them safe from their superiors, so he simply does not have the additional emotional capacity sometimes, and that’s not his fault. Despite that, Crowley does still get the emotional support he needs from Aziraphale, it just has to function in a different way.

Our episode 3 cold open lets us watch this develop quite well. Our first two scenes (aside from the one with God asking about the sword, obviously) are Noah’s Ark and the crucifixion, where we see Crowley approach Aziraphale to essentially needle him about what’s going on. At this point Aziraphale isn’t so much support as someone he can redirect his anger toward – I assume this is how Book Omens started too, and we’ll get to the divergence in a second. Crowley is willing to drop the anger with Aziraphale much faster in the crucifixion scene, suggesting they have grown closer over the intervening 3000 years, and Crowley no longer finds as much emotional catharsis in being angry at Aziraphale, but he continues to approach Aziraphale that way out of habit.

Then we get to Rome, where Crowley has, according to the script book, come to town to tempt Caligula only to be shocked and upset when he learns how very much Caligula doesn’t need tempting. Crowley goes to a bar where Aziraphale happens to be – whether he knew Aziraphale was there or not before he arrived is irrelevant, but I am assuming he was aware of Aziraphale’s presence by the time he walked in the door. And here is where book and show diverge. Because Crowley has approached Aziraphale about things he’s been upset about in the past, but it’s one thing to needle an angel about things Heaven is responsible for; it’s quite another to walk up to your crush and just start complaining about some jerk who’s put you in a bad mood. Book Crowley, who has been dealing with a slightly more relaxed Aziraphale, says fuck it, goes and sits down across from him and says, “You would not believe the day I’ve had.” And from there we develop into the dynamic mentioned previously for Book Omens.

As mentioned, show Aziraphale is more anxious about their relationship, resulting in show Crowley falling on the other side of this choice and not approaching Aziraphale. This leaves it to Aziraphale to approach Crowley this time. Now as much as we may tease, Aziraphale’s not actually an idiot. He can tell Crowley is upset about something, and he’s picked up on the pattern where when Crowley is upset, he likes to be able rant a bit about Heaven. Obviously Aziraphale can sometimes find those conversations uncomfortable, but he’s feeling good today, so he’s happy to engage in some banter, especially if it’ll cheer his friend up. But Crowley’s the one who usually starts the conversation, so Aziraphale wracks his brain for something he can say about the nature of good and evil and ineffability and comes up with “Still a demon, then?” Shockingly, this doesn’t work. Still he keeps the conversation going and tries again with “Oh well, let me tempt you to... Oh, no, that's, that's your job, isn't it?” This still doesn’t work the way he’s expecting it to, but they do have a very nice meal and a good conversation that’s not really about Heaven and Hell at all, after which Crowley seems to be in much better spirits. Which leads him to the conclusion that it’s not the specifics that are important, just the fact of having the conversation and giving something Crowley to distract himself with.

Skipping ahead to the Globe, two quick things to point out. This is the first time we see Crowley do his little circle of Aziraphale, proving that by this point they established the dynamic where Crowley protects Aziraphale. The second is this is also the first time Aziraphale really intentionally uses his puppy dog eyes on Crowley, meaning their acts of service dynamic is established as well. Knowing these have been established helps inform the decisions Aziraphale makes in the Bastille scene.

Bastille scene. We can assume everything about this incident is something Aziraphale has staged, from actually getting arrested to his claims that he can’t rescue himself because he was reprimanded for too many frivolous miracles. I will say I don’t think that last one is a complete fabrication; I think either that it is something that has happened, but a good while ago such that he’s not worried about it anymore, or it did just happen, but Aziraphale actually had been using an unusually large amount of miracles recently – possibly as part of getting his bookshop set up – and has since dialed it back enough that he can use one or two at the Bastille, be it to free himself or just to change his clothing, without getting in trouble. However, while I do think it was staged, I don’t think the primary propose was to indulge in Aziraphale’s damsel in distress fantasies; that was just an unexpected bonus. Aziraphale’s main objective was helping Crowley.

Aziraphale knew about the French Revolution, knew Crowley was in the area, and knew Crowley was liable to find the whole situation upsetting. His response was to put on his prettiest outfit, and get himself locked up. He’s broadcasting to Crowley, don’t worry about the humans, just focus on me, don’t think about what they’re doing, just look at the silly angel all chained over here in need of rescue. Of course this isn’t completely divorced from the current situation, but in a way that’s actually better, because it takes that situation and lowers the stakes – Aziraphale isn’t going to die, worse case scenario he’ll just get discorporated – and puts Crowley back in control of the situation – he can’t stop the Revolution, even if he’s capable he’d be risking too much trouble with Hell if he tried, but he can save Aziraphale and fly under Hell’s radar while doing it. Basically, we’ve taken the “Crowley needs a distraction” conclusion Aziraphale came to back in Rome and refined it in the intervening 1750 years.

Even Aziraphale’s suspicions that Crowley is behind the whole revolution can be seen as an extension of the indirect comfort he’s offering. He knows that Crowley is going to have to tell Hell that he is behind all this stuff that’s upsetting him, so when Aziraphale accuses him of the very same, it gives Crowley an opportunity and a safe place to assert that, no, he is not responsible. And not just to say it, but to say it and have someone believe him, that it isn’t his fault and he would never do anything really terrible like this.

This gives us the final form of how Show Omens dynamic works. Instead of offering Crowley a safe haven, Aziraphale emotionally supports Crowley by offering him opportunities to be the savior.

What’s especially interesting about this is if we take these two different dynamics, where in Book Omens Aziraphale serves as Crowley’s safe haven and in Show Omens Crowley is Aziraphale’s savior, that actually explains four of the big differences between the book and show: Crowley’s reaction to being called nice, Crowley crossing the M25 with optimism vs imagination, the whole run away with me subplot, and Crowley’s post bookshop fire reaction.

A demon being called nice is a pretty risky thing for the demon in question. As Crowley points out during his and Aziraphale’s conversation in Eden, a demon can get in a lot of trouble for doing the right thing, and I can’t imagine being accused of being nice would work out much better for him. But book Crowley is used to being vulnerable like that around Aziraphale. He still snaps at Aziraphale when he says it, because Crowley is stressed out and right now is not the time for that, but it is ultimately an established part of their relationship dynamic so it really only annoys him. By contrast, in the show a lot of Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship is built around avoiding saying those things for their own safety. Given that, it’s no wonder his negative reaction would be more extreme.

There’s a whole long meta out there about how both Crowley’s are optimists, but in different ways (and if someone knows where to find it, please let me know so I can link it). Book Crowley is a more passive sort of optimism; he just generally believes that eventually things will work out for him. This is consistent with the way he handles it when he’s upset about things; he just goes to hang out with Aziraphale, lets himself be upset for a while, eventually it passes, and he’s good to go again. Whereas show Crowley has a more active sort of optimism, believing things can and will work out fine, as long as he steps up to make it happen. Again, this ties into how he deals with being upset; he goes out and does something about it. Granted, he’s not usually fixing the actual problem itself, but he’s being active related to what’s upsetting him, e.g. he can’t stop WWII, but he can go save Aziraphale from some Nazi spies. So when book Crowley drives through the M25 he has his optimism that things are going to work out as sort of a default mental state in his head, and it turns out The Secret really does work for demons so he gets through. Meanwhile show Crowley is actively applying himself to believing the car is fine, and that’s what pulls him through.

This passive/active difference also explains the addition of the “we could go off together” subplot in the show. Despite being more passive, book Crowley is not complacent; when they realize Warlock is not the antichrist, he and Aziraphale make efforts to find the real one. But when their initial search runs dry and they both agree the best thing to do is to have each of their “networks of human agents” look for the boy, Crowley is willing to step back and wait. Either one of their agents will find the kid or something else will turn up; somehow it’ll all work out. Show Crowley can’t do that. He can be optimistic that things will somehow work out, but not if he’s not doing something to fix it. Except there’s nothing else he can do to solve this problem, and when he can’t solve a problem his default is to instead save Aziraphale. The world is going to go up in flames, so Alpha Centauri it is then.

And now the one everyone loves to talk about: the bookshop fire. “Aha!” you said twenty minutes ago and then patiently waited for my rambling to get back to this point. “Aha! There is a flaw in your logic; after the bookshop fire it is book Crowley that copes by getting up and saving things, whereas show Crowley gets drunk and has an emotional breakdown.” But what you didn’t realize, gentle reader, is I already solved that problem weeks ago (this meta took a lot longer to write up than I was expecting). In fact, it’s not a problem at all, but further proof of these dynamics. Because after the bookshop fire, Aziraphale is gone. Aziraphale is gone, which means Crowley’s normal coping strategies don’t work. Book Crowley can’t have a breakdown about Aziraphale being gone precisely because Aziraphale is gone; he’s lost his safe space. So instead he just has to keep pushing forward and he’ll figure out how to deal with the rest of it later. Meanwhile show Crowley can’t save Aziraphale if Aziraphale is dead, and lacking that distraction, he has a breakdown.

Now that I’ve gone on for an obscenely long time about the different dynamics of book Crowley the protected vs. show Crowley the protector, I’m going to say that the specifics of how they are different aren’t ultimately that important. At least not in comparison to the way in which they’re the same. Despite how very different Heavens (and in theory a very different Hells could have a similar sort of impact) changed the details of their relationship dynamics, in both the book and the show, Crowley leans on Aziraphale for emotional support to deal with trauma. (As a side note, I don’t want to imply that this is a one-way relationship. Aziraphale also receives emotional support from Crowley; I’m just not touching on that now because I have to draw the line somewhere.) And that emotional support is a key factor in what makes Crowley different from other demons.

Obviously, we can see how being stuck in Hell would have made Crowley a worse person – though I use the word worse lightly here, as I think it’s very likely that rather than getting meaner for being stuck in Hell, Crowley would develop a learned helplessness. But even if Crowley was on Earth, being on Earth without that emotional support would have eventually had a huge negative impact on him and his attitudes and behavior. Because seeing humans being cruel to each other hurts him, and with no way to process that hurt, it would keep building up until eventually he would have to retreat into apathy to protect himself. But where the apathy of a Hell-residing Crowley would be underpinned by a sense of hopelessness because cruelty from demons is just what he expects, the apathy of an Earth-residing Crowley would have underneath it a lot of anger and betrayal. He did expect better of them, and they let him down time and time again until he stopped seeing the good in them. This betrayal-fueled apathy is the recipe for getting a Crowley that presents as a stereotypical demon, selfish and cruel.

And now finally we reach the point. All of this, all 3767 words of it (well, most of it) was all just context building up to this question: what the fuck did Heaven and Hell do to Crowley and Aziraphale in the 1992 script version?

[thegoodomensdumpster]

Because of that whole Heaven’s Dress Tartan post, and because of that scene where Crowley makes a jab at him for wearing a tartan collar when they switched bodies, imagine Crowley somehow managing to find the meaning behind Aziraphale’s tartan, and all the times Aziraphale has given him that specific tartan through the thermos, bike rack, and collar. And then it clicks for him, and he comes rushing to the bookshop with all the more love for his angel.

It happens when Aziraphale is in Edinburgh. You know, right after that rendez-vous during one of Shakespeare’s play? Yes, you know the one.So. The angel is there, filling up both his job and Crowley’s temptation, being quite busy, really, but still, busy as he is, he gets to take a closer look at life among scottish people. And he can’t help it, because people are always so interesting! He can’t help but talk with them. He gathered so many stories, and books, and memories that way. Just talking. Because, you know. Crowley isn’t always around. Also, he does need to talk to humans to make sure his jobs go along smoothly, so at least he can make the conversations pleasant by chosing interesting nice humans to talk to, right?

So. Aziraphale talks with people in Edinburgh and in the area, and he discovers a new way to look at tartan. He’s familiar with tartan, of course, why with Heaven having its own official tartan used in particular for their war attire.

Aziraphale has never been fond of that tartan. He never tried to articulate why (is it because he doesn’t like war of because he doesn’t like Heaven, or a bit of both...), but he knows he doesn’t like it. The aesthetic isn’t the problem, however, because, surprisingly, Aziraphale does think kilts are rather good looking. There was even a time period Crowley didn’t disagree with him (though the idea that his fashion sense seemed to align with Aziraphale’s for a moment did send some shivers down his spine).

But, right there, Aziraphale got to talk with some particularly interesting scottish fellows. Clan leaders or more humble members of a family -who didn’t need to be bound by blood, mind you-, all proudly wearing their tartan, all showing a sense of belonging, and a feeling of love, and the will to protect those wearing the same tartan they were wearing. Oh, of course, there were often warriors among the Scots, because of their old rivalry with their arch-enemies the Scots, but there was something else that Aziraphale discovered during these conversations. Tartan wasn’t just for fighting. Tartan was for showing whose side you were on. Tartan was a statement. And a stylish one.

In the following years, Aziraphale created his own tartan, and slowly but surely, his own personal pattern invaded his belongings. It became part of him, part of what made him feel at home, and, occasionnally, he would gift something with his tartan to Crowley. He never explained the meaning. Maybe he thought it was obvious. Maybe it was actually not that much of a conscious thing to him. Maybe it was hope. Maybe it was foolishness. Maybe it was always a treat to see how Crowley’s face would twist when he was saying “tartan? really?” but would always accept the gift. But. Here is the thing. Crowley, well. He was an angel once. And it was a long time ago. So he knows Heaven has its own tartan. But he hasn’t really actively tried to remember what it looks like. Not a really good memory, when said tartan has been last seen worn by those who kicked you out of your own home.

So, to be entirely honest, at first Crowley thought it was rather distateful from Aziraphale to gift him things that had Heaven’s tartan slapped on them. He wouldn’t comment on the stylistic disaster the angel was making out of his own home and clothes, of course - actually, that’s a lie,he would occasionnally joke about it but never in a cruel way. And he thought, if that tartan ever approached him, he would make a scene. But the tartan did approach him. And he didn’t make a scene.

Either the angel was totally oblivious to what that tartan could actually mean to Crowley, or he had the foolish hope that this was a weird detour to help Crowley reach redemptation in the eyes of Heaven. Redemption through tartan! That did sound like Aziraphale, didn’t it?As hideous the concept and the actual pattern were, Crowley could never refuse the presents. Because they were gifts from Aziraphale, and he was genuine whenever he would offer one to Crowley. And even if he hadn’t been... a gift from Aziraphale is a gift from Aziraphale, and as such Crowley couldn’t refuse any of them.

There comes a day we all know about, when a demon finds his way to Heaven while an angel faces a trial in Hell. Crowley sees a few angels there. Some guards in the distance. “Here is that tartan again” he thinks briefly, even though something clicks in that moment, something that tells him in the back of his mind that the tartan isn’t right, but he cannot really spend too much time dwelling on that thought because, well, here is the Archangel Fucking Gabriel and he is telling him to die already.

Much later on, it clicks again. Crowley brings it up.

“Why are you still wearing Heaven’s tartan, Aziraphale? You don’t have to show your allegiance anymore.”

Aziraphale stares at him.

“I haven’t worn Heaven’s tartan in more than 6000 years. And I will never wear it again.”

“But then... What...” Crowley tries to confusely articulate while making a gesture towards the tartan bow tie, the tartan blanket on the couch, heck, even the kitchenette’s tablecoth is tartan!

That’s when it clicks. It’s not the same tartan. It’s another one. Crowley realizes it right as Aziraphale is about to spell it out for him.

“That’s my tartan, dear. Not Heaven’s. Mine.”

Aziraphale’s tartan. And he’s been gifting it to Crowley for who knows how long.

Could a heart change colors, Crowley thinks briefly that his might be the exact taint of that ugly pattern surrounding him.