#AND THAT FEELNG IS HEARTBREAK | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

imyourimaginaryone01 · 3 years

Text

"My Mr FineArts." Sa wakas nagwakas din yung pagiging badgirl ko., Inlove ako eh. Pinilit kong magbago dahil sakanya..( sorry medyo dramatic na ko sa part na to, ito kasi ang pinaka matinding heartbreak ko! :'c)

Saan ba tayo magsisimula excited na ko ikwento eh. Sobrang memomorable kasi, at sobrang heartbreaking. Syempre magsisimula tayo sa memorable. Paano ba kami nagsimula mgkakilala ni Mr Fine Arts.

"First day ng school" oo bumalik uli ako mgaral pero hindi na Nursing. Nalulungkot kasi ako kapag papasok pa doon naalala ko lang si james. Yung pagsundo at hatid saKin mga sweet memories namin sa school na yun. Ayoko ng maalala. Ayoko ng balikan pa. Kaya nagshift ako ng course. Nag Fine arts ako. Advertising actually nagkamali ako ng pinasukan, dapat Fine Arts interior Design. Pero yung naenroll ko Advertizing. Same kasi sila na Fine Arts course mgkaiba lng ng major. Pero hindi ako nagregret sa pagpasok ng FA advertizing kasi nakilala ko si Hurvey si Mr FineArts ko. Kakaiba ang itsura niya, alam nyo ung band ng SAOSIN. Yan ganyan ang pormahan niya EMO. Ibang iba sa porma ko nun time na yan kasi badgirl nako mahilig nako mag skirt na super ikli, tpos sleevless shirt at super kapal magmakeup. Ako lang nga naiiba dun lahat rockstar at nerd type. Weirdo. Ang wweird ng pormahan nila na talagang titignan mo sila isa isa. May mga naka salamin. May mga kulot na apro ang buhok. at siya na emo ang pormahan, grabe crush na crush ko siya. Longhair siya nun, parang siya ung daomin su ng buhay ko at ako si sanshai. Haha. Yung sa flower garden. Nsa last row siya eh at sila lang din ubg mga mukhang emo 3 sila magkakasama na mukhang emo. Siya ung nsa gitna naka red siya n medyo faded na yung tshirt, longhair, naka tunnel earings. Sobrang astig! Naka vans shoes ung pang skater boy. Minsan nka chucktaylor sya. Grabe talaga ung paghanga ko sakanya, at ang galing galing niya magdrawing, family sila kasi ng Artist. Ate niya architect, kuya niya Painter, isang ate niya interior desingner ung gusto ko sana kuhain nun. Tpos ung isang kuya niya tattoo artist. Ayoko siyang pakawalan nun at dahil badgirl ako nun gusto ko nakukuha ko lahat ng gusto ko. Oo lahat ng gusto ko pati siya! At dahil ayoko siyang pakawalan kasi talagang love at first sight ako sakanya. Guess what??? Ako ang nanligaw sakanya! Oo ung mga ginagawa ng lalaki hindi ba kaya ng babae un, iba na generation that time at dahil badgirl ako nun lahat ng gusto ko nakukuha ko.

"Paano ba nagsimula ang panliligaw ko? Una ligaw tingin lang muna, dadaan sa harapan niya magpapapansin, kulang nalang nga maghubad ako sa harapan niya para lang mapansin niya ako. Ganun ako katindi. One time tinabihan ko siya sa klase tinanong ko pangalan niya, ako talaga ung unang ngtanong. Mahiyain siya, hindi siya tumitingin sakin, habang ako nakatitig sa mukha niya. Kulang na nga lang hawakan ko. Oops hawakan ko ung kamay. Hehe. Wholesome tayo dto blog ko to. Madaming beses ko siya tinatabihan para mkpgusap ung ginagawa ng lalaki ako naman na ang gumagawa. Pero hindi naman umabot na binigyan ko siya ng chocolates at flowers haha baduy un. Ang saya ko na lagi ko siya nakikita, nakakatabi.nakakausap kahit pautal utal siya at kakapirangot sinasabi pero huwag ka. Siya ang pinaka matinik sa kama. Hahaha wholesome pla tayo.:D

"Foundation day ng School." Madaming events, pero syempre saan ba ako nakafocus syempre kay Mr Fine Arts ko. Siya ang last ko eh na naging ex. Oo EX as in hindi kami nagkatuluyan mahabang storya eh. Pero sisimulan ko muna sa naging kami. Yun nga foundation day ng school sa dami ng events dmo alam saan ang ppuntahan mo. Nakita ko siya sa field ng school, ksama niya ung ibang kaibgan niya na emo din nakatambay sila, sabi ko oh bakit nandyan kayo? Wala ba kayo pupuntahan o sasalihan na mga events? Wala eh baduy daw, tambay lang sila tpos kain, eh dahil ako nandun ako kanina sa hena tattooing ngpa hena tattoo ako sa back hips ko. Naka hanging blouse ako ung kita ang pusod. Tpos naka mini skirtbhat sneaker parang taylor swift lang ang datingan. pagirl ako eh, kikay. Tapos umupo ako malapit sakanya, gabi na yun mga 7pm. Ang tagal nila tumambay dun bago umuwi ngyosi actually bawal ang yosi sa school pero dahil field un at gabi na yun, wala masyado prof na dumadaan mga student naan dun wlng paki minsan may nakikita ako nagyoyosi sa CR. Hallway. Parang okay na sakanila un. Normal lng. Hndi gaya ng ibang school napaka ssitrict lalo saamin nun ng jilians ako. Dun free ka. Minsan may naninita pa din na prof. Minsan wala. Kaya ayun yosi sila sa field. Ako kasi hindi marunong pero dahil parang in yun sakanila ngppretend ako na ngyoyosi kahit hithit buga haha. Namimiss ko ang ex ko pag naaalala at binabalikan ko ito. Kasi siya ang greatest one ko. Siya din yung best ive ever had! Siya din yung only ideal man ko. Na nag end up sa hiwalayan. Akala ko siya na yung the one makakatuluyan ko magging happy ending. At magbibigay saakin ng mga anak. Pero hindi eh. Sa 4 years namin nagsama masasabi ko talaga na siya na ung lalaking makakatuluyan ko. Na siyana ung lalaki na makakasama ko habang buhay, pero paano ba nagtapos ang lahat?? Anyways mahaba pa ang kwento ko eh ayoko pang tapusin. Nagsisimula palang nga.

"Dahil obvious na obvious ung panliligaw tingin at panliligaw ko sakanya, alam mo nangyare bumaligtad ang lahat. Nagkatotoo ang pangarap ko. Siya ang nanligaw saakin, hinihintay ko nalang nga sagot niya na OO tayo na! Pero nagbago ang lahat nung hiningi ni "kulot (yung tropa niya) ung number ko at binigay sakanya.. Akala ko pa nga nun si kulot ung manliligaw saakin, un pala siya! (*_*)

Finally hiningi niya number ko. Makakatxt at tawagan ko siya the whole night nun. Binigay ko kaagad hndi nako nag pakipot uso pa ba un??? haha. Tapos nun time na un tinuruan ako ni louie magskate board kita daw panty ko! :D "sabi nila kaya inistop ko.. Concern siya saakin! Ang sweet niya.. (*_*) Tapos Sabay sabay na kami umuwi nun, Sumakay siya ng bus along cubao kasi taga Marikina pala siya. Ako kasi nagcommute lng. Pauwi saamin sa Bulakan. Bulakan lng nmn kasi ako. Naghiwalay na kami. Pero hinihintay ko ang txt niya.. kilig* ang cheesy pero lahat nmn tayo may kilig moments eh at hinding hindi mo na mababalikan pa. Kaya hngang kwento nalang muna.

Ayun tumagal kami, nun nging 10months kmi dinala niya ako sa bahay nila, dun ko nakilala ang mama niya, family niya mga ate at kuya niya. Ang awkward kasi lahat sila artist. Tapos ang popormal kumilos manamit. Nahiya ako sa suot ko nun eh. Kasu naka mini skirt ako sleeveless na paranh nakita lng nya ako sa tabi tabi. Kaya nun next na punta ko sakanila eh pants at tshirt feeling ko nga nun nging pormahan na emo nako nun that time ngiiba na ako pero ayaw nia eh gusto niya kung paano niya ako nakilala. Ang rockstar pala hindi namimili ng mgging gf. Kahit kikay o formal o rockstar din gaya nila. Napaka simple. At hindi maarte. Yun ang rockstar hehe. Sobrang inlove nako sakanya naibgay ko na nga lahat lahat as in kahit araw araw. Hindi pa niya alam na naadik ako sa Sex nun eh. Dko sinsabi basta sabi ko n may nauna na pero hindi ganun kaexperience. Kaya naniwala nmn siya. Pero eventually malalaman din pala niya ang totoo. Yun nga naayawan niya saakin. Hindi ko naman kagustuhan un eh. Nging parte lng sya ng pagiging heartbroken ko.

"Habang nagtatagal kami ng 1 year. And then 2 years nsasama na nga niya ako sa mga outings at reunions ng family at relatives niya eh. Kahit sa province nila nadala na niya ako. Halos dun na din ako tumira sakanila. Kasi same kami ngstop s pgaaral matapos ung 1st year sa fine arts. Ngsama kami parang live in. Sa bahay mismo nila. Tumagal kami nga 3 years. Then 4 years. At dito na nagsimula ang kalbaryo ng relationship namin. Sa tagal namin nasira pa kami. Hindi ng lalaki?! Hindi rin ng babae!? Kundi sa WORK! kasi ngapply na siya magwork nun gusto na niya makaipon. Habang ako gusto ko lang siya makasama habang buhay. Ayun nagka work din siya naging graphic artist siya sa isang game gadgets. Ngddesign sya ng mga logo's at mga cartoons at advertisements nun company. Pinasok nga niya ako dun bilang assistant kasi ang dami ng gngwa nila. Kulang sa tao. Kaya lang dahil masyado siyang perfectionist nakalimutan niya na gf pala niya kausap niya. Nadadadown ako, feelng ko hndi siya satisfy sa lahat ng designs at ginagawa ko. Kahit ginawa ko nmn lahat. Hngang awayan dyan awayan kami sa work at paguwi ng bahay. Nagiging demanding na siya. Nakikita ko na ung pagiging bossy niya saamin dalawa gusto nya siya lagi nasusunod. Hindi na kami magkaintindihan give up na ako. Umuwi ako sa bahay kinaumagahan hinihintay niya ako pumasok pero hndi nako pumasok. Ni hindi nga ako ngpaalam o nagresign basta hndi nako pumasok. Napaka unprofessional ko dw childish. Na parang lahat daw ng gngwa ko eh wala sa tama. Imature. Lahat na yata ng nega sinabi niya sakin that time nasaktan ako sobra. Nasaan na ung dating hurvey na malambing at binababy ako.? Sabi niya hndi na kami bata. Huwag ko daw dalhin pati sa work ung pgging childish ko at imature. Tama naman siya narealized ko din un. Pero huli na eh. Naghiwalay na kami at Nakipag landian na ko sa ibang lalaki. Naghanap ako ng iba. Nagmadali ako sa lahat. Walang direction. Hindi nagiisip. Hindi ngpadalos dalos. Sumabay sa agos life goes on eh gagawin ko kung saan ako masaya. Pero masaya nga ba?? Saan ako napunta!? After ng ginawa ko ung gusto kong gawin. Mga gawain na hndi pingiisipan. Yung go with the flow. Napadpad ako sa maling tao. Dun ko nakilala yun Demonyo. Na pumatay sa pagkatao ko. Yun si Monster!

0 notes

rubixkun · 7 years

Text

Natsumi’s Valentine

Next Gen: Natsumi (next gen) is ready to take Valentine’s Day to the next level. It’s time to confess her feelngs!

Blissful singing could be heard by anyone who walked closer to Natsumi’s dorm. She sat on her bed, singing the tune to a well-known song about a certain February holiday. Valentine’s Day was a day that Natsumi held dear; she had yet to have a special someone on the day of Cupid, but this year, she planned on changing that.

Next to her backpack was a heart-shaped box, and inside were an assortment of freshly-made chocolates she had her mother help her make during the weekend. All she had to do now was write a note to that person she planned to give the chocolates to - her best friend, and now crush, Kazuki.

Writing his name was the easy part. Her singing quieted down when she got to writing hers, followed by a heart. Her singing came to a halt while she tried to think of what she was going to write after that.

In the romance novels and manga she read, Valentine’s Day was always used as a perfect opportunity to confess romantic feelings, so she figured writing a letter to this special someone would be easy enough. She tapped the tip of her pencil on her chin in thought.

“I can’t say that I love him,” Natsumi mumbled to herself. “It’s too early.” Natsumi looked over at her bookshelf and stared at the ridiculous amount of pink-spined books. “What did some of the girls do in their stories?” She crawled out of her bed and blindly picked one book to flip through, then another, and another. A grim look was painted on Natsumi’s face when she saw how so many times, the heroine in the novel would fail on Valentine’s Day.

“Maybe it’s too soon to confess,” Natsumi groaned. “Kazuki was just dumped three months ago...perhaps he isn’t over the break up.” Her hands began to tremble. “What if he’s hoping his ex will come back to him? What am I going to do?”

Natsumi sighed heavily to calm herself down. “Nah, this is the perfect time to confess! After all, we’ve got a childhood friends trope. Once he gets these chocolates, and I confess my feelings, I’ll be in his arms in no time! He’ll realize he likes me back, and then we’ll kiss!” Her cheeks flushed in her favorite shade of pink, followed by a squeal of delight. “There’s no way he’ll think I’m screwing with his mind tomorrow! Kazuki will be my boyfriend tomorrow. I’ll make damn sure of it!”

Lunch break had started, and Natsumi hadn’t seen Kazuki all day. She had been purposefully avoiding her friend in order to prepare herself for her confession. Throughout the morning, Natsumi refused to let the box of chocolates out of her sight. She may have gotten a few strange looks from classmates with how determined she looked whenever she glanced at the box. For the first time in Natsumi’s school life, she didn’t care how her peers saw her. What mattered to her was making sure she’d get this moment with Kazuki down perfect. When she wasn’t scribbling down notes, she was scribbling things she planned on telling him.

When lunch break started, she sat at her usual spot in the cafeteria and waited for Kazuki. She started to worry when Kazuki hadn’t arrived. Natsumi took deep breaths to calm herself down. She wasn’t going to let his absence psych her out. A few more minutes passed, and finally Kazuki showed up. He ran over to Natsumi with a panicked look on his face.

“Sorry I’m late!” Kazuki announced. “I’ve had a bit of an interesting morning.”

“What would that be?” Natsumi asked. She kept her fingers crossed he wasn’t going to say a girl asked him out.

“Well, to start things off, when I got to my classroom this morning, my desk was stacked with chocolates!”

Natsumi’s eyes widened. She knew Kazuki tended to have admirers, but the idea of him receiving so much chocolate bewildered her. “Who were they from?” she asked, a sting of jealousy creeping into her voice.

“That’s the funny part,” Kazuki said. “I read the tags of who they were from, and it looked like they were all from Kari’s friends.”

“...But your sister is in middle school.”

“That’s what’s confusing me! How did a bunch of middle school girls get into Hope’s Peak, figure out which classroom is mine, and then pick out my desk?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.”

“Then, with that stack of chocolate, it was tough to take notes in class since there was no room for my notebook. Then,I had to figure out how to get all those boxes into my locker. That’s why I’m late meeting you. It’s going to be worse trying to get them in my room.”

“Were there any not from middle school girls?”

Kazuki shook his head. “If I were getting any from someone here, they’d probably give them to me in person. What about you?”

Natsumi also shook her head. “I never get chocolate, you know that.”

“Maybe this year will be different. I think-” Kazuki soon looked over and noticed Natsumi fumbling with a heart-shaped package. “What’s that?”

Natsumi quickly hid the box. “Nothing.”

“I know what that is. You have a box of chocolates!”

Natsumi puffed her cheeks as she blushed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You can’t hide things from a detective,” he teased. “So who are they for?”

Natsumi’s stuttering became inaudible. In her mind, she couldn’t figure out why she couldn’t say they were for Kazuki.

“I didn’t know you had a crush on anybody! Are you gonna give me a name?”

“Hell no!” she blurted out. “I’m not saying anything!”

“Wow, I can’t remember the last time I saw you shy,” he chuckled. “This guy must really be amazing to make you stutter like this.”

“That guy is you, you idiot,” Natsumi grumbled in her thoughts. “I should just give him the chocolate now. At least it’ll shut him up.” She couldn’t seem to raise her hands and give him the box. “Why can’t I do it? What the fuck, Natsumi?”

Natsumi was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t realize she was mumbling out loud. She came to when Kazuki waved his hand in front of Natsumi’s face.

“If you need help, I can do whatever I can,” he suggested.

“Like what?” she said as she snapped out of her daze.

“I dunno, maybe pretend I’m the guy you like.”

“Are you fucking serious?”

“Just practice what you want to say to your crush as if I’m him. It’s helped us in the past, it should help now.”

“This guy is a fucking detective and can’t figure out I’m drooling over him? Okay, I could use this moment to confess. I got this. I can do this!”

“You’re a dumbass!” Natsumi blurted out.

Kazuki blinked. “...I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t say that to him.”

Natsumi slammed her head on the table. “It’s hopeless,” she groaned.

“Come on, you can do this. You’re not the type to give up so easily. I have another idea. Do you have his number?”

Natsumi hesitated. “...I do.”

“Tell him that you want to meet him after school, and then give him the chocolates! If you’re having trouble speaking, I’m sure the gesture would be enough for him to understand!”

“...Alright I’ll do it.”

Kazuki flashed a smile. “That’s the Natsumi I know! Are you going to message him now?”

“No!”

She barely paid attention in the last segment of her classes. She focused on her phone the entire time while lingering over a written-out message for Kazuki to meet her after class. She figured that once the message was sent, he’d realize right away the chocolates she tried to conceal were for him. But that was what she wanted, right? She bit her lip and added to her message that she wanted to tell him how things went between her and her mystery crush. After that, she sent the message.

“Why the hell can’t I tell him how I feel?”

Natsumi yanked the tag off the box.

Natsumi looked gloomy when Kazuki walked to her side. She slightly glanced over, and it didn’t take a detective to realize something was wrong. He noticed she still had her box of chocolates in her hand, though she wasn’t attempting to hide them like she did at lunch.

“It didn’t go well, huh?” Kazuki asked after a few moments of silence.

“I couldn’t tell him,” Natsumi admitted. “Apparently I’m that big of a coward. Saying something as easy as an ‘I like you’ apparently got the best of me.”

Kazuki scratched the back of his head. “Well, it’s not that easy. I’ve had my share of trouble confessing. The fear of rejection is scary.” Kazuki looked down. “Even then if they accept it’s not like you’re together forever. I know that all too well…”

Natsumi looked at Kazuki to see his eyes shaded with sadness. It was that moment she realized Kazuki had yet to completely get over his latest heartbreak, like she suspected the night before. Gathering her courage, she inched closer to her friend.

“Hey,” she mumbled. “How long is it gonna take for you to stop thinking about that bitch?”

Kazuki sighed. “Natsumi, she’s not-” he bit the inside of his lip. “I probably should work on getting over her.”

“No shit. She dumped you for a dog fucker. You deserve better.”

“I am that better.”

Kazuki smiled softly and laughed hesitantly. “I guess you’re right. Well, happy singles awareness day to us-oomph!”

Natsumi slammed the box of chocolates into Kazuki’s abdomen. She kept her head tilted so she couldn’t see her face.

“Natsumi, what are you-”

“Just take ‘em,” she grumbled.

“But these were for-”

“I don’t wanna look at them anymore. They’re handmade, so I don’t want them going to waste.”

Natsumi glanced over at Kazuki quickly to see a small dust of pink on his cheeks. He took the box from her hands.

“Well, thank you, Natsumi.” He opened the heart-shaped box and took in the detail of each piece of chocolate. “These look nice. You made them all by yourself?”

“My mom helped,” she mumbled.

“Do you mind if I try one now?”

“They’re yours now; I don’t care what you do.”

Immediately, Kazuki popped the smallest piece of chocolate in his mouth. His eyes widened in shock, followed by a smile.

“Natsumi, this is really good!” he exclaimed.

Natsumi looked over at Kazuki, who looked as if he were hesitating to eat another piece. Temptation got the best of him, and another piece of chocolate was eaten.

“I kinda feel bad for the guy these were meant to be for. He’s definitely missing out.”

Natsumi couldn’t help the smile on her face.

“He likes them.”

Kazuki closed the box of chocolates. “I’m gonna have to stop now so I don’t eat them all right away. Thanks again, Natsumi. I know you said they were for someone else, but it means a lot that you gave these to me.”

“It does?”

Kazuki nodded. “Of course. These mean more than the ones I got from all those middle school girls. I mean, they came from you, and you gave them to me in person. Even if you gave these as a friend, it means a lot.”

“Goddammit, Natsumi, fucking confess already!”

Natsumi’s inner thoughts were halted when she felt herself being wrapped in Kazuki’s arms. Everything she was thinking about suddenly was replaced with screaming.

“You’re a good friend, Natsumi,” he said affectionately. When he pulled away, Kazuki looked satisfied with himself, though Natsumi couldn’t figure out where in the world that satisfaction came from. “So, I’m going back to my dorm to study. Maybe after we can go to the rec room and play a game?”

“Yeah, that sounds nice.” Natsumi found herself smiling, though she couldn’t figure out why. She couldn’t confess her feelings, and they’d spend another day as friends and nothing more.

“Great! I’ll message you when I’m done. See you then!”

“Yeah. See you later.”

Kazuki walked back to his dorm with a smile on his face. Once he had his back turned, Natsumi placed her fingers against her lips. She still was smiling.

“I managed to give him the chocolates. It wasn’t a perfect moment, but I still did it! He looked so happy eating them. Not only that, but he hugged me! Kazuki was so happy!”

Natsumi’s hands slid down to her arms.

“Today was a success after all.”

While studying, Kazuki mindlessly ate chocolate after chocolate. He only paid attention when his left hand couldn’t pick up a piece. He looked over to see he ate the entire box of chocolates. He smiled sheepishly.

“Those didn’t last long,” he chuckled.

Kazuki leaned back in his chair and stared up at the ceiling.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Natsumi so flustered until today. She couldn’t even pretend I was her crush, like we used to do. Then, she texts me to meet her after class after I suggested the idea to tell her crush that. She couldn’t even look at me when she gave me the chocolates.” Kazuki tapped the pencil he held on his cheek. “Could it be that I was her crush? Nah, that’s ridiculous. I’m thinking too much into it.”

Kazuki continued his studying.

“What a strange holiday.”

#capnfics #natsumi next gen #long post #next gen au #so originally I wasn't going to dive into the crush stuff until late #but valentines day yo

22 notes · View notes

awesomemelinaaus-blog · 6 years

Text

me ilusioné sin todavía tenerte

#desamor #tristeza #corazón roto #sadness #melina #feelngs #heartbreak #hate you

0 notes

piracytheorist · 7 years

Note

(1/2) Hi darling, your preferences are noted :) If you think about something else you’d like let me know. I absolutely LOVE well written angst too, I often think about how lonely and heartbroken Emma must have been in prison, with no one and no money, betrayed by everyone she loved... the lyrics of the song you mentioned fit well and ouch my heart is breaking.

(2/2) In 2x06 when we see her in her cell she’s calm and doesn’t talk, it’s like she feels numb because the pain and trauma is just too much to take? Feel free to share angsty headcanons/thoughts (they can be happy too haha, whatever your heart desires😘) with me! –your CSSV ♡

Oh, well, with them it looks like there are more angsty headcanons that happy ones! Both spent most of their lives miserable and lonely, which makes me appreciate their smiles now even more.

When it comes to Killian, I can’t decide what I want to have happened of his arm wound after Rumpelstiltskin cut it off. I mean, it would have hurt AS HELL for him to cauterize the wound right there on his ship and in a matter of hours/a day at most put on the brace and the hook - I mean, how long could they have held on to Milah’s body so that he could attend her funeral? I’ve seen headcanons that the Dark One healed the wound instantly so that Killian would live suffering. And there are tons of headcanons about his life in Neverland.

And now that I’m on it, I’ve thought of how Killian had gone through everything in the course of the series alone. His cursed lips - alone, his missing heart - alone, becoming the Dark One - he felt Emma didn’t trust him, being tortured in the Underworld - alone, and ouch, that hurts, doesn’t it?

Counter that to him now, feelng a part of Emma’s family and having her by her side and he being there for her. I think it’s so important to him to see her happy - he cares less about his well-being, if Emma isn’t okay, he needs to make sure first she feels okay. It’s one of his top priorities and after so many bad examples of male love interests in the media, I love how important a part of his character they made him caring for her.

And as for Emma, I’ve said once that I can take only certain types of angst from her. Killian angst will break my heart but I will love it, while some types of Emma angst destroy me. I can’t bear to rewatch 6x10 simply for the scene where she breaks down seeing her parents dying - my poor girl. However, I would love to see her time in prison - how did she fare? It was a minimum security facility but still being amongst criminals is not easy, some of them don’t just say “Okay, now I’m gonna pay for my crimes and be good”. What was she thinking when her baby started kicking and her maternal love for him started to grow? How did she numb that feeling? Why did it take her so long to stop petty crimes? What did she do every year at Henry’s birthday?

And of course, I’ve got tons of questions for her childhood. She says that the most she spent in any place as a child was the six months with Ingrid. It must have been terribly hard for a child to not have a constant place/person to trust, everything always changing. No wonder she was all so walls up, because not only did she not have constant support in her life, she also felt betrayed by Lily, Ingrid and NeaI. And the worst thing is, all three of them actually cared for her, but circumstances led her to believe they weren’t, and it must have hurt a lot to see that her decade-long heartbreak was for nothing. Her bursting out scene in 3x04 speaks volumes to me, how angry she was with NeaΙ after she found out the truth, that he cared for her and she spent a decade thinking he hadn’t.

But I think that’s enough for the pain for now, it’s like, morning here and I’m here babbling about the saddest moments in their lives :)

As I said above, I love that Killian is there for Emma, to show her that even an ex-villain would care for her so much. But I like how Emma balances that on her own - being strong and inspiring love and hope wherever she goes, most of the time when that’s her simply talking her feelings out and not pretending. Her speech to the Lost Boys in 3x08 comes to mind, where she spoke about every child’s need to have a mother - that was 100% Emma talking. And that’s what Killian saw, her honesty and sympathy and he grew from that, giving all the love he could give to that woman, giving her what she wanted.

Woooow I rambled a bit too much and I hope I wasn’t off! I just have a lot of thoughts about CS, but then, I guess we all do

#cssv #csvalentines #Anonymous #ask and ye shall receive

1 note · View note

foreignquarry · 4 years

Text

Solidified andesite, crusted by crystals of outerspace ice, 2304

Westward fcing : consume y corpse s losing all th rest [sensation & th plenty other marvels of heat > 0 Kelvin {u herd me - n entrpy}] s Empire takes ts course. mbody

tongue of veins pleasure of coverage

I cnnt move n {limbs|digits|nerves} nor the capsule : lst all feelng 2 the ice cryosttic stagnnt floatrs frm th light f Andromeda //[blocked now by asteroids] I ws rich b4 n paid th price - tell me Can u rcall a prvius life? 200yrs blsted from th surfce ofc I nw hv learnt to regret //twas all [dead] swllwed b a plague & th sea {trigger=not.Punitive} yes ofc I travel at the speed of light come! on! wake! up!… t s lk t sunsetion f dying bt concentrated to a single point t I cold trax p each limb p the spine 2 th base o m skull [horn]

ofc I nw hv lurcht to retrospect… *cghcghcghcgh

1815, I shot 7 men wht scurrrrr//ed thru an O n t prison’s wall {dug from within|dug from outside|pinup.Poster|stolen.Spoon} n pulled the bodies in2 th pit I got em t dig: {nsty.Cunts|disgusting.French|uncivilised.Americans} the labour is the same eat

teh same cabbage soup eat teh same dank granite water d drpped from th ceilin of the cell H[royal]MP [risin] eat teh same as the {Paddies|Injuns|Jamaicans}nder their cmnd, 1916 i whipt the Conchies pacifist fucks not fit to call themselves Brits my walls are loyal

{2460 BCE|1550 CE|1995}: I erupted SOUFRIERE! nmesake o t royal colonosris/o colonisor of the mineds: “sulfur outlet” //body is only what can be stolen or exploited what material? I said can u recall?

m dust nw pt f t cycle

s0ft.Granite body O my love y did I hv to hrt u so frzn this way n I cnt hear the heartbreak nor feel the feel the {pkaxe|diamond|LCD} ffffff

I whippt u til th screen dd gleam 2 fund ur abortion d---y m-x-d --ce -mbar-ass-en- 3) polish the glass apologies but it felt so good when u [revolted in south.Korea|Poland|China|Japan (=each piece originated somewhere different|brought together|landless)]&

aha there goes the torso snowflkt a gain, so:

foult splutter I i bu t it t t translates all wrong //cough again //cough again:

“smite me O and

strike me down!

hurt me ever!

once more!

another pls master!

{these} are my final words”

----

here, i present the anachronisms and shards of language as something violent. this speaker is horrible and gross, using slurs such as “Injuns”, that reflect a history of violence and colonisation. the language has been distorted and presented as a form of computer code, or as a glitch.

in the book Because Internet, Gretchen McCulloch makes connections between misspellings, spell check software, and systems of control. as grammar is a system of control, and controlling rules, to intentionally mess up grammar or spelling can be seen as a form of resistance. where the English language was used to erase Irish Gaelic language and erase Irish identity, for example, there are writers such as James Joyce, who create their own language, a combination of dead languages and living languages, as a way of resisting colonial tongues. i wanted to show a language dying: english is presented as something close to code, but as it is being transmitted from this frozen brain, lots is lost, and the words begin to mean different things. “ofc i nw hv lurcht to retrospect” could be read as “of course i now have learnt to retrospect”, or as “of course, i have no worries, lurching to retrospect”, for example...

0 notes