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mlgneverdies · 1 year

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Generator Rex: Lonesome [Creepypasta]

If you grew up with Cartoon Network, chances are you might have a favorite action cartoon of theirs whether it was Teen Titans, Samurai Jack, Ben 10, or Sym-Bionic Titan. My personal favorite is Generator Rex. From the punk rock attitude to the tight worldbuilding and action sequences, I'd say it's easily Man of Action's magnum opus. But why do I open with this factoid about me?

Well, it started when I was on my walk back from the local dump when an orange USB drive caught my eye. Now, I'm no stranger to peculiar litter being found on the side of the road, but this was a bit different. It looked clean and unused which had me wonder why it would be tossed in the first place. Whatever the case, I decided to take it back with me on the trek. I got home and turned on my computer, then inserted the USB so I could see if there was anything interesting, after a quick antivirus scan just to be on the safe side of course. Fortunately, the drive was clean, so I carried on.

It held a single .avi file titled "Lonesome". The preview image of the video was blank, so I had nothing to go off of but the file name. Gripped by the typical bit of curiosity that happens in these tales, I double clicked on the file, and it opened in VLC Media Player.

The video started with a clip of the earth and a massive explosion kicking off with Revolution by Orange, which made me realize that this was, in fact, an episode of Generator Rex. It was odd to see the intro sequence play first rather than start off with a cold open like the show usually does, but I passed that off as a little quirk. At least until something else happened.

The title stayed there for 15 seconds then hard cut to the interior of Providence, specifically Dr. Holiday’s lab, which was in mass disarray and dark to the point where you’d have to squint to make out the scenery. No music was playing, only a long, ambient droning noise. Then Rex walked in with a worried look on his face. His colors were duller than they usually were in the show and his animation was close to movie quality smooth.

Rex called out to the empty lab. "Holiday? Six? Bobo? White Knight? Anyone here?"

I couldn’t help but notice he sounded genuinely worried, as if the VA was undergoing immense fear himself.

It cut to a POV shot from Rex’s view, which was animated like one of those found footage films. Distorted moans were heard, causing Rex to stop and look behind him. For a split second, I thought I saw a silhouette of some type of entity. It didn’t look anything like any of the EVOs seen throughout the show, though the appearance was so brief I didn't know what it could have looked like.

Rex got to the briefing room, and it was just as derelict as the rest of the place. The only difference is there were several limp bodies all over the place. There was a bit of blood on some of them, albeit not hyper-realistic. Rex looked to the large screen where White Knight usually showed himself and it turned on by itself, fading in with static. The static then switched to one of the live action promos for the show. In this promo in particular, two kids were arguing about something while a third kid held a camera only for them all to see the multi-faced EVO from the first episode attack, prompting them to run away to safety. Well, that’s how it originally played out. In this twisted rendition, a car came flying at them as soon as the EVO was seen, and before they could react, they were crushed by the car. The camera cut to black as the car landed, but the screams of agony and crunching of bones and flesh played crystal clear before being cut off by a silhouetted face. A hushed voice was then heard after 8 seconds of silence:

“You couldn’t.”

Just then it cut to Rex holding his chest in pain as a slowed down, echoing voice played in the background. His chest then burst open with bloodied metal tendrils that latched to the floor, which disturbed me since usually the machines Rex builds are an outer layer instead of internal. Blood ran down the tendrils as Rex struggled to break himself free.

Rex then woke up in a cold sweat in his trailer. For a brief moment, I was thankful that it was all just some twisted dream and hoped that everything was okay. Rex got up and walked out of his trailer, only to find the rest of the plant empty save for the bodies of the other Providence defectors, all of whom were pale and had the usual bit of blood. The slowed down voice returned as the lights began to flicker.

"No…" Rex whispered with deep sorrow. "This can’t be…"

Rex ran out of the plant as fast as he could and formed his Boogie Pack, taking to the skies. It was a pitch-black night. No stars, no moon, nothing to speak of. All that was visible on the frame was Rex flying around. He landed in the nearest city and saw that bodies were strewn everywhere, pale and somewhat bloodied like the others before. Rex looked around, unable to comprehend the situation, as that silhouetted entity formed behind Rex. It was in the shape of what appeared to be a seraph and the only thing visible in its inky black form were two white eyes. It spoke in a faint whisper:

“You failed to save them.”

Rex turned around and saw the entity. With a look that can only be described as a mix of fear and anger, he formed Smack Hands and tried to hit the entity, but they proved ineffective. The hands broke apart likely due to the immense stress Rex was going through.

"I don't believe you...I cured the world..."

"You never got back the Meta-Nanites. The Consortium had defeated you. You were sent into a coma for the past five years. The earth was at the mercy of them, and all life perished, but they banished you to this realm that only I inhabited. No light. No life. And the worst part of all…the blood is on your hands. The blood is on your hands. The blood is on your hands."

The entity kept repeating that phrase as Rex fell to his hands and knees turning away from it, and the captions for VLC Media Player turned on by themselves to display the phrase. I didn’t even know this video had captions. The background faded to black while Rex had his saturation cranked up to the max and that moaning voice came back growing louder gradually until the video froze, the audio skipping and the phrase "The blood is on your hands" written in red and repeated in the inky blackness Rex and the entity were left in. I had to turn the player down to 10% to hear it normally. Then after 20 seconds of this, the episode ended and the credits rolled.

The credits were dimmed in brightness and the zoo theme didn’t play. Instead, it was The Lonely Man by Joe Harnell, but slowed down considerably. When it got to the voice credits, it all turned dark to the point the background art was barely visible, and Rex was the only voice credited. It held on longer than usual, then went back to "normal" after that.

The Cartoon Network Studios logo stayed still and dim. Only the sounds of old radio static and distant screams of agony could be heard along with an active buzzsaw. And after that it cut off.

I stepped away for a bit to attempt to comprehend what it was I just watched. I know the show is notable for its darker subject matter in comparison to other action cartoons at the time, but this was practically diabolical for the standards of the show. I’m not sure if it was some actual lost episode kept on the cutting room floor at Man of Action, or if it’s some high quality fanwork that might have proposed a bad alternate ending for the show.

One thing I know for sure is that I’m keeping this with me. I’d rather not have anyone else exposed to this through internet uploading or selling it on eBay because who knows what could happen to others who see it. I will share a screenshot, but that’s about it. I still enjoy Generator Rex all the same, no question, but this is an experience that will remain burned in the back of my mind for years to come.

#generator rex #creepypasta #lost episodes #Cartoon network

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watching-pictures-move · 2 years

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Movie Review | The Evil That Men Do (Thompson, 1984)

I gotta hand it to The Evil That Men Do in at least one respect. I'm not used to Cannon Films productions displaying a nuanced understanding of foreign affairs, and for the most part, even ones I like a lot (I'm a sucker for The Delta Force), present a world where members of the global south are mostly trying to kill us and the only solution to these problems is to head down to third world countries and shoot the place up. (I'm not endorsing, just describing.) But here, it actually tries to present problems in these countries with a bit more nuance. The plot here involves an evil (probably English) doctor who hops between South American dictatorships to teach them the fine art of torture presumably as part of the Dirty War. The doctor's victims are countless, and our hero, a retired CIA assassin played by Charles Bronson, out of the goodness of his heart goes back to work to take this scumbag down. The movie does hedge its bets by showing him working with a corrupt, rogue American diplomat (instead of the full cooperation of the US government) and doesn't explicitly identify how the evil dictatorship is aligned. But if you kinda, sorta read between the lines, it's heart is in the right place.

And for a movie where Charles Bronson goes around fucking up bad guys, it does make an effort to be a bit more than a pure exercise in Bronson-fuck-up-ery. Bronson is persuaded to go into action after watching countless videotapes of statements by the doctor's victims. The movie wants us to see the inhabitants of these countries as actual people and sympathize with their plight, even if its solution (Bronson flying down and fucking up the bad guys) may have limited applicability in real life. The movie also has Bronson take a woman and her daughter to pretend to be his wife and child as part of his cover. This is useful in contriving scenarios where Bronson's mission is jeopardized, but also helps humanize Bronson in their interactions together. We see that Bronson isn't just a ruthless killing machine but a man who actually cares and has feelings, even if they're buried under his leathery, cynical exterior. You can see him in the later Death Wish sequels where he's purely an instrument of violence, capable of barely any expression other than steely-eyed detachment, and you can see here that he feels like a real person, and maybe even capable of warmth, even if the cruel world in which he operates has something to say about it. I actually think it's a pretty good performance.

This is directed by J. Lee Thompson, best known for classics like Cape Fear and The Guns of Navarone, but at this time was directing Bronson vehicles and other schlock for Cannon Films. This is perhaps not the best example of his craftsmanship, but actually sees him relatively engaged, like in a scene where Bronson tries to kidnap the doctor's sister, where you can see how he builds tension by moving the camera along the angles of the house's interior. (I will say that while I think overall this movie is less slimy than I expected, the throwaway T&A used to establish the sister's lesbianism disquieted me at least a little, in that it seemed to conflate it with the genuine evil she's guilty of.) When the action shifts to the countryside, the movie takes on a pleasing western flavour that makes the whole thing feel a little classier than the average Cannon joint. And of course, there is plenty of grime, both in the ugly torture sequences, and all the choice scenes of Bronson fucking people up, including one in which he pulls a guy's dick so hard he passes out. (The guy, not Bronson.)

#film #movie review #the evil that men do #j. lee thompson

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logicalstansadvice · 2 years

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However, i do hope they don't make him lose fights to kids on steroids or something again. CA:WS and civil war had really cool hand-to-hand combat sequences which I didn't find in TFAWS. So i am hoping that the fight sequences are better in this movie, cause that's one of the things that attracted me to cap movies in the first place.///

I completely agree that the action in TFATWS wasn't as good. In TWS and CW, when he was the Winter Soldier, he fought like an unstoppable force with no regard to his safety and with the intent to end the lives of the people he was fighting. I can't remember off the top of my head how he fought as Bucky in CW, though, so maybe my next point is invalid.

I forgave him the weaker fighting in TFATWS because he hadn't yet realized he could do good with his body and his arm. He was cautious and uncertain and didn't want to feel like he was the Winter Soldier again. I felt like he did fight harder after he saved the people in the van and then looked at his arm as if realizing his arm could do something good.

If don't expect the fighting to be Winter Soldier level, because he's not that guy anymore. He does have concern for his own safety and the lives of others. But I do hope we get better action sequences in his next outing. I do consider, though, that Sebastian is getting older, and there may be limits to what he can put his body through.

Anon 2: However, i do hope they don’t make him lose fights to kids on steroids or something again.>> They can't show him stronger than Sam. No movie is going to show a secondary character stronger than the protagonist (see Thor 4), even though in this case we know he's stronger because of the serum and the training he's received. This is what many marvel fans are having trouble dealing with, and they think it would be better for bucky to have his own series.

Anon 3: "Anthony Mackie is the first black Cap and this will be a historic movie like BP and Seb and Chris both fully support him so I don't understand why their so called fans don't." I hate Steve with a burning passion and I think Sam will be a much better Cap. I also like Mackie better than CE. The issue is that it's been a freaking decade and Seb is Finally getting roles that allow him to shine. If Cap4 allows him to shine with a good arc and actual talking, I'm all for it. But history says no.

Anon 4: I also agree that the writers don’t know what to do with Bucky, and unfortunately that is very sad. First of all, there is A LOT to do with Bucky, but it would take away from the whole “superhero” thing because Bucky isn’t really a superhero, but he has the capability to be a badass on the streets. Meaning, he can’t fly…he can’t mind warp anything. But he has a strong moral standing and does have some incredible fighting skills. Truly, Bucky is a tragic character that deserves to have his story told but the writers don’t seem to want to necessarily delve into reality and that’s what would have to happen with him. He and Natasha are actually very similar.

And I realize that no one has made these type of comments lately, but I just want to point out to those who say that Bucky was “weak” in FATWS. He’s Bucky in that show. He’s not the WS. The person we see in the show is the same person that Steve knew before HYDRA, except now? He’s broken and trying to repair himself. The Bucky that Steve knew was not some killing machine. He was a free spirited guy from Brooklyn who loved life. The Bucky we see in FATWS is that Bucky, but now with some serious PTSD and extreme trauma.

💄

#logical stans advice #logicalstansadvice #sebastian stan #opinion blog #anonymous

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ericmhe · 1 year

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Godzilla Rewatch: Godzilla vs MechaGodzilla II

Others have ranted about the name so I'll skip it. Seeing Mecha King Ghidorah recovered and used to justify the building of Mecha Godzilla is causing me flashbacks to my bad continuity induced headaches. I exaggerate, but really, leaving the time travel plot alone might have been for the best, but that's not the choice they made. I am amused by the intro narration; “We spent unknowable billions of taxpayer money to make Garuda but it sucks now. MechaGodzilla is the real deal.” They don't wait long to blare out MechaGodzilla's theme music, it's ok because it's pretty cool. I do like how the guy has his work place under camera surveillance so he can get back to looking like he was doing his job just in time, but that ends up being the one trick I find redeeming.Rodan landing so close to a bunch of tents without alerting anyone feels implausible especially given how much focus there usually is on him generating terrible winds just by flying around. It's funny, Rodan seems so short-changed by staying fairly close to his original size while Godzilla doubles in height and the fight between the two is basically Rodan kicking Godzilla's ass until he goofs up and flies right into a tail whip. Which I guess that isn't too different from the fight in Mothra vs Godzilla – maybe it's just favoritism to the older movies while I was never that into the Heisei movies? I think they were partially victims of being over-hyped – it was the 'cool kid' thing to do in the Godzilla fandom back in those early days of the internet, be really into the new continuity instead of those silly old movies and it took me a fair while to start seeing the Heisei movies.Parasite egg is fine and all, but I figure it's only done for the twist. I mean, no way this baby passes for pterosaur, parasite birds lay their eggs in the nests of other birds, not, I dunno, lizards or large insects, they want some chance to deceive the unwitting foster parents. Also: baby sure doesn't have the teeth of an herbivore does it?Pteranadon fanboy is a creep isn't he? Sheesh. “Small flying dinosaurs” is an annoying line too. My niece knew better by the time she was five years old.The first fight with MechaGodzilla is definitely an example of a boring beam battle, though I suppose Godzilla suddenly developing new power to best a MechaGodzilla is arguably a bit of a homage to the first time. The crew's sure lucky Godzilla didn't hold a grudge and was content to just push the robot over.The baby chewing shoes is kind of cute but the whole flying pteranodon robot, how do the kid's say? Cringe, is that right? The kids are supposed to be singing this very unchildish sounding noise and that's fine, but the girl in the darker pink suspenders was making some goofy faces. Not really inspiring much of an opinion on my part, but I noticed it. Oh and their song revives and powers up Rodan. Why not?!They say the only way to lure Godzilla is to use the baby, but that just makes one think of the bird calls in 84/85, or you know, just nuclear power. It actually kind of makes me wonder why they want a killer robot in MechaGodzilla so badly when both Cadmium shells and the anti-nuclear bacteria were pretty effective at incapacitating Godzilla earlier in the series. Retconning I guess.The shipping container sequence – something you're not supposed to be in even when transported by ground – is being carried by helicopter then Rodan destroys the helicopter, catches the container mid-fall and flies off with it and lands, and then and THEN MechaGodzilla and Garuda start blasting at Rodan and like so many in the Godzilla franchise start by aiming low. Probably not as bad as the one Megalon sent flying but still. I gotta feel bad for Rodan here, from his perspective he's just running out to save his baby bro and he gets jumped by a couple of war machines until they land a fatal blow. Good on him for taking out an eye canon though, Godzilla didn't even pull off any damage until he did that reverse polarity thing.The second round with Godzilla fighting MechaGodzilla is better than the first and it's mostly due to what Rodan did to run down MechaGodzilla's weapon systems. The scene of the spinal nerve cluster or “second brain” actually exploding has always made me flinch a bit from how surprisingly graphic the visual is, still does a bit. I wish I could remember where I heard the joke about “Godzilla eats the soul of a pterodactyl” but I just can't off the top of my head. Anyway, I know this was referenced in Godzilla King of the Monsters to also justify a power up, but it's still something that feels "extremely Japanese.” The effects as MechaGodzilla's heat-proof armor starts to evaporate away from the heat Godzilla's generating even without any blasts are are well done, but the feat does feel a bit silly. MechaGodzilla's been seen to have small windows that open when it lands, are we sure it won't melt the windows or something?Poor baby, ditched by their human 'mom' and then intimidated by Godzilla. It doesn't last long, but it's still pitiful. It's kind of dark with hindsight when they talk about how the Godzillas will surely be there for a new age of the dinosaurs in the far future when we all know the big one dies in a couple of movies.

#heisei godzilla #mechagodzilla #godzilla

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eppysboys · 3 years

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I: What’s your favourite bit of your films?

PJ: That’s a question. I’ve never actually had that thought. I mean, I guess as a Beatles fan I love seeing them create songs out of nothing, really. I mean, what gives me a lot of what I like is when they are working on a particular song and it’s not what you are used to hearing on the record. They’re working and you think, “Oh, no, that’s not right and the words are different,” then they get the right words, the right riff and the right bass notes and suddenly you see the song that you’ve grown up with your whole life, you see that sort of clicking into shape one bit at a time and there’s a sense of just wanting to go, “Yeah, guys, you keep on going. You’re almost there.” I also like the humour. I mean, there are lots of bits that make me laugh out loud, lots of funny quips and gags.

I think people will be surprised by the series for two reasons. One, it’ll be far more intimate than they imagined it to be, because everyone is used to seeing music documentaries being a bit kind of MTV-ish, sort of together in a poppy kind of way and it’s just the music, music, music, you know? The music isn’t at the forefront of this film: weirdly, it’s what goes on behind the music at the forefront. I mean, even in the rooftop concert, we have the concept that we’re inter-cutting all the time to the street and to the policeman and everything else. So we’re not just sitting there on the concert for 45 minutes, we’re showing a whole narrative of what’s going on elsewhere during that period. And that’s really true of the whole series – it’s not a sequence of MTV video clips of them doing songs. There’s probably more conversations with The Beatles in the films than there is actual singing. People won’t be expecting that, I think, that sort of intimacy, that fly-on-the-wall aspect of it, where you’re in a time machine and you’ve gone back and you’re a fly on the wall with The Beatles. That will, I think, surprise people, because it is very intimate. It’s The Beatles as you’ve never seen them before. And the other thing that I think will surprise people is how funny the films are, which, considering the reputation of this footage and the Let It Be movie, you don’t associate with January 1969, but they’re very funny films.

(Peter Jackson on his epic Get Back docuseries, GQ. 12/07/21)

#Peter Jackson #The Beatles #quotes #Get Back #GQ

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pinkiepiebones · 2 years

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had a dream where I went on some sort of river ride I had apparently been on dozens of times as a child, but instead of turning around and I guess paddling back to the start of the ride, this time I went over the waterfall at the end.

It turned out that the end of the river ride actually led to a lot more stuff, and the sun shone brighter, the water seemed bluer. there was a neat little outdoor "beach" cafe set up along the bank of the immense pond that the waterfall connected to. There were flamingoes, but they had chameleon eyes and long straight bills. Still pink, though. Taller, too, I think.

There was a quarter machine that dispensed little plastic containers full of live live shrimp that you could feed to the flamingoes. It looked like a tall wooden rectangle with a round window on each of the four sides, with that thing you put the quarter in and turn the knob just below that. A man and a woman were about to give their kids quarters for the machine but the man saw me struggling to dig a quarter out of my wallet. I said sheepishly and explained it was my first time "beyond the waterfall" (I guess the bird feeding thing was something only kids did). He said "oh? Better make the most of it" and handed me the quarters he had for his kids.

I helped the kids get their shrimp balls then got my own and watched how they approached the flamingoes with a shrimp pinched in their fingers. The flamingoes walked up and snapped the shrimp out of their hands, which set the kids laughing. I sat under the canopy of the cafe and struggled to get my shrimp ball open. A very round albino seal pup waddled up to me and rolled over and my instinct was to lean down to pet it's belly. I then grabbed a piece of crisp flatbread from the table and offered it to the pup. It took the bread in it's mouth and waddled backwards away from me, then settled under another bench to eat in peace.

I finally got the shrimp ball open and readied myself to feed a flamingo. I thought about getting my phone out to film this event, but then thought "no, I want to remember this." A gangly, partially grey flamingo inelegantly splashed up to me and took the shrimp from my hand, swallowed it whole, and turned it's head to look at me expectantly with one chameleon eye, so I just kept feeding it.

When I had no more food to give the bird splashed away and I looked to the beautiful sky to see a flock of monarch butterflies flying in from beyond the trees that lined this whole 'amusement park' for lack of a better word. "There used to be more," I said out loud to myself, despite having no way of knowing that.

I followed people who were following the butterflies. We followed them right into a big sort-of "still amusement but also learning" place and I realised I hadn't bought a ticket for the butterfly pavilion so I wondered around a while, looking at souvenirs and stuff. I couldn't afford anything but I could be bemused at it all.

Then Battinson was there and I was apparently a short fat AFAB Zsasz and the whole dream devolved into a stupid chase sequence action movie set in the middle of the day bullshit.

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improbablecarny · 4 years

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A Post About Making Adrian Shephard Interesting

The Half-Life series is full of engaging characters, ranging from loveable, to love-to-hateable, to Adrian Shephard. Who is Adrian Shephard? He is a guy, who has a gun, which is extremely surprising for video games. He and his gun are the stars of Half-Life: Opposing Force, the first game’s first expansion, where he is sent into Black Mesa after it becomes an interdimensional shitshow, so he and his gun can shoot some aliens.

The game sets him up as a foil/rival/antagonist to the iconic Dr. Gordon Freeman, as if we are about to play a thrilling game of cat-and-mouse with the feral physicist. This setup is a lie. Adrian encounters his sworn enemy once, immediately loses him, and gets distracted with putzing around on whatever tasks the plot puts in front of him until the G-Man shows up and says “I don’t really know what to do with you” and indefinitely stuffs him in cold storage, which is, incidentally, also what Valve did.

Despite this, Adrian still has a decent following of fans, mostly attributed to the fact that he is a guy with a gun in a video game. His defining feature as a character is that he always wears a gas mask. His only defining feature as a character is that he always wears a gas mask. Okay, that's not fair: he has a couple diary entries where he mostly talks about how he and his gun want to shoot stuff, which makes him relatable to gamers everywhere.

What I’m getting at here is that, in a series where the POV characters have ranged from everyone’s favourite perpetually put-upon physicist to rebellion leaders, Adrian stands out to me as a piece of limp bread.

But what if I told you he doesn’t have to be?

What if I told you that the limp bread we know is merely at one end of a breadcrumb trail that leads to a whole loaf?

1. MARINES HUUUGH GUNS GO BANG

Okay, so it isn’t a secret that I think “military guy who shoots stuff” is, perhaps, a little played out. I see a guy with a crew cut and my eyes glaze over. I hear a chopper and begin to snore. I can no longer perceive olivedrab as a colour. We could get into the nitty gritty of American nationalist/military propaganda and its relationship with video games, but that isn’t funny, so I’ll just say that it sucks and I hate it.

Half-Life 1 was not overtly kind to our pals, the Marines. By that I am referring to the fact that they were consistently portrayed as sadistic meatheads. My approach to Opposing Force was hesitant, as to suddenly make one of them the hero is to say “but what if the sadistic meatheads kind of had a point?”. Luckily, as the game opens with Adrian silently shooting the shit with a handful of tongue-in-cheek war movie stereotypes, I got the sense that this wouldn’t quite the case -- which is more or less confirmed when Adrian’s chopper goes down before he has the chance to receive his orders to do war crimes.

So we have our first ingredient: a macho kid with stars in his eyes who goes out on his first mission and is immediately blasted in the face with a healthy dose of...well, blasts, but also, uncomfortable truths.

2. PAUL BLART, SCIENCE COP

Corporal Adrian Shephard has landed, the sole survivor of his unit, the quintessential badass, our gritty hero. Now the action begins, we think. He busts in, guns and wrenches blazing, and begins to kick some alien can. Right?

Well, he tries. But to his dismay, Black Mesa has a lot of doors, which as we all know, are impervious to guns.

Luckily, there is an aggressively Midwestern security guard wandering around who just happens to have the clearance Adrian needs. His name is Otis. There are actually multiple Otises (Otii?) because Black Mesa security guards have a bit of an esoteric relationship with reality, but let’s just pretend the ones that don’t die immediately in comedic scripted sequences are Otis Prime.

Otis is everything Adrian isn’t. Zombies stalk the halls and Otis is more upset with a wayward vending machine. Bullets fly and Otis jokes about how he should’ve taken the mall job instead. He’s an affable, goofy uncle of a man, and he’s not necessarily there to show us just how cool Adrian is in comparison... he’s there because Adrian needs his help.

And there we have our second ingredient: your coolguy action hero archetype isn’t maybe that effective as a lone wolf, and the unexpected kindness of strangers may be what he needs to pull through.

3. THE SHEPH(A)ERD

As many have pointed out, our pal Adrian develops a peculiar and hilarious habit: picking up random aliens and using them as weapons.

Opposing Force itself seems to be, more than anything, an exercise in showing off cool weaponry and cool enemies. Adrian’s fleshy new friends are just a means to a tech demo. But with the goggles of plot and characterization on, just as Adrian has a horrible barnacle grappling hook on his hand, we have something hilarious on ours: a flock of freaky friends there to help him on his journey.

And who doesn’t love the “head scritches for the spore launcher” animation?

I don’t know if this is what they intended when they gave him (a mutation of) “shepherd” as a surname, but Adrian’s Multidimensional Menagerie is the third ingredient of incredible potential: your loose-cannon commando came in here to kill aliens and ended up adopting a bunch instead.

A PATTERN EMERGES

Keeping these three things in mind, a vision of Adrian begins to solidify, and it is one that doesn’t quite match the image of the elite commando power fantasy that the dudes in the comments section of all Opposing Force-related Youtube videos are clamoring for.

What is Adrian’s goal in this story? Well, first off he seems ready to track down Freeman -- but once the slippery scientist slides on through his fingers like a handful of bright orange soup, it’s mostly a matter of fighting some aliens, fighting some black ops dudes, disarming a nuke, and pissing off a giant terraforming alien so bad that it just gives up and leaves. What can we pull from this to make Adrian compelling?

It’s not that he’s the coolest dude with the baddest guns: He is set up like every other badass military shootman, only to be immediately humbled by the horrifying truth behind his mission and the alliances he needs to forge in order to survive. He befriends some of the creatures he was sent in to destroy. He disarms a nuke and repels the Gene Worm without killing it. Adrian carries with him the framework of a character whose purpose is to de-escalate.

Then we begin to see him as an actual foil to Gordon: where the good doctor was unwillingly plunged headfirst into violence and chaos in order to survive, what if Adrian had to reject these things to survive -- despite everything he’d been trained to be?

And if he returns to this post-apocalyptic world, under the G-Man’s thumb, without an Otis in sight (but plenty of aliens)... where does he go from there?

#half life #adrian shephard #long post #i know most of th tumblr hl fandom is on the same page wrt him being a weird alien dad #just lemme talk ive got to talk or i die

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starr-fall-knight-rise · 4 years

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Humans are Space Orcs, “Recruits, Regulation″

Recruits Kimber, Alvarez, Han, and McCaster sat mostly slack jawed in the little conference room on the command deck of the UNSC Harbinger. The little alien doctor they had called ‘Krill’ was standing at the front of the room, and in general military fashion, he had a powerpoint holographically projected over the far wall.

On the projection currently was a diagram of a human body, the kind you would see in high school health textbook.

The little alien was pointing vigorously towards the diagram, “And here, right here this little opening that leads into the bladder is called the urethra, and if you STICK things in it, it gets grossly infected and causes horrible urinary tract infections.” The group of recruits simple sat there in shock, “This, this is the anus, this muscle was designed to push things out not take things in. In fact, if you try, the negative pressure created by your adventure can pull things INSIDE your colon and up your large intestine. The procedure for getting that out might include surgery, but could just involve someone like me reaching up there to grab it out.”

Mouths gaped in astonishment.

They couldn’t be living through this, could they.

“This, this machine right here is the mechanism used to close the airlock doors. If the airlock doors get jammed, do NOT stick your hand inside to try and fish them out, because this may cause something called degloving…. If you don’t know what that means, its when all the skin peels off your hand like a banana and-”

The door at the far end of the room hissed open, and they turned to see the commander, of course the man didn’t just walk into the room like any normal person. He glided in on his ‘heelies, hands clasped behind his back like he was standing at parade rest. It was such a strange sight, considering the man was wearing an officer's uniform and a captain’s cap having ditched the sunglasses from earlier in favor of the eye patch, which did not, in fact, seem to be a joke, but was definitely part of his everyday wardrobe.

He came gliding to a halt next to them, “You made a powerpoint?” He asked in mild amusement.

“Of course I made a powerpoint.”

“Hmm,” The man shrugged, “Guess it makes sense.”

“Can you let me finish.”

The man grinned, “Afraid not. We are about to launch, and I have it on good authority these four have been invited to the bridge to see the spectacle.”

The little doctor sighed, “So human by way of his exasperation that it was hard to tell he was even alien, “Alright go then, but when one of them ends up in my infirmary with some stupid injury, I am going to blame you.”

“You blame me anyway.”

“That's because I am convinced you are the amalgamation of human stupidity and recklessness.” The recruits looked nervously back and forth between the two. Its not everyday you watched an officer get insulted to his face, but the man just smiled and laughed blowing the entire thing off.

“Well I’ve never gotten anything stuck in my colon, so I guess I’m not a good representative, anyway.” He pointed to the four of them, “Come on. I think you’ll want to see this.”

Nervously the group of them stood and followed the Commander through the open doors walking along behind his gliding form.

He had…. Not been what they expected. They had seen the movie trailers, heard about his exploits, watched flight demonstration videos, in certain cases, and even received lectures about intergalactic relations based on transcripts from his conversations, and or interactions. He was a legend at the academy, at the forefront of human/alien relations. All the books were written based on what he had done or what people in his crew had done. He had been the first man to SEE sentient nonhuman life.

And there he was, wearing an eyepatch and heeleing down the hall like a botched middle school costume party. Not to mention, when they had heard of him, they had immediately assumed it would be someone older and more experienced, someone graying at the temples who had seen more life than he knew what to do with, but this…. This guy wasn’t much older than them. Young enough to be their older brother, or their older brother’s weird ass friend.

Then there was that smile, like he didn’t have a serious bone in his body, and they were expected to follow this guy?

How could they take him seriously?

“Um… Sir, I don’t mean to sound…. accusatory , but.” He glanced over his shoulder back at them, green eye sparking with some unknown emotion.

Recruit Kimber pointed down at his shoes, “Um, are those regulation…. With the uniform or…”

He grinned again and turned away, “Uniform regulation Gama on the proper maintenance of footwear when wearing uniform. Footwear must be classified as a dress shoe and come in Mat black or grey, no laces.” he pointed downwards at his feet, “These are slip ons, and in the online description they were described as a ‘dress shoe” maybe it was on a technicality but I took a screenshot just in case anyone asks.”

They stared at him.

“Um…. sir…. I hate to sound like an….ur well…. But you arent exactly…”

“What you expected?” The man finished, coming to a stop and turning to face them.

“Well.” Alvarez rubbed the back of his head, “Yeah, I mean you…. Well weve read about you in military science and tactics, and we sort of just assumed that you’d be more ...”

The conversation died away as the young recruits shifted awkwardly.

He smirked, “you thought id be some old stuffy officer with years of military experience. Some regulation stickler with a metal rod shoved up my ass, yes sir, no sir, you say jump, I say how high, that kind of person?”

They shuffled their feet awkwardly, but didn’t answer.

The man didn’t break his expression, “Well this is the reality. When I was a kid I used to set up my telescope out on the lawn, hoping I would see a UFO I trained for over five years in aviation to get my ass on board the Enterprise, because I wanted nothing more than to go to space.. My first trip to space was in an F-90 darkfire, and I nearly died. I was on the forerunner team that stepped foot on Proxima b and then when we receive incoming radio signals from an unknown source,I accompanied them as well. There I was the first person to see extraterrestrial life, not only that but I helped to establish linguistic contact between the two races. When the Drev war happened, I was deployed when I never should have been, lost my leg become a part of operation steel eye fought through withdrawals and PTSD before crawling back to the UNSC only to learn that the GA Knew me and trusted me enough to want me as the human representative to the rest of the galaxy.” He paused for a second looking them over, “All of that, was just one big accident. I was in the right place at the right time, and aside from training as hard as I did to be a good pilot, I have stumbled and crashed my way to success by the grace of my own luck.”

The group remained silent.

He looked at them with a critical eye, “Do you want to know what I learned through all of that?”

They remained silent but nodded nervously.

He took a breath, “I learned first and foremost to never stop loving what you do, With the army it is easy to take all the rules and regulations, and hate all the political loopholes you have to jump through. It’s easy to make a routine to grow bored. But boredom leads to burnout, and every day I wake up on MY ship living my childhood dream and determine I have no right to feel that way, so if that means wearing heelis on the command deck, Playing songs older than dirt on the bridge, and making myself look like a fool, than I’ll do it, just as long as I remember to contain it when it most matters.”

He turned away and began gliding down the hall again, “Ever wonder why my ship, despite being the most dangerous, is the most sought after in the fleet… It's because Morale. I make sure to keep my people entertained and happy. Morale has the happy side effect of making people work harder, they try more, and they are more loyal. Everything I do, I do for the crew, and for myself.”

He came to a halt at the bottom of the steps and led them upwards onto the bridge.

The small blue Drev, Sunny, was waiting for them, “Rousing lecture, I almost peed myself a little.”

He snorted and shoved her aside with a shoulder, “You know you love me.”

The drev lifted her head slightly, “Do I?”

“Yes, you do.”

The recruits followed nervously after him glancing towards the Drev female and her bright gold eyes. She snapped her beak at them and they stepped back nervously. She made some sort of humming sound deep in her chest. The the base of her throat they watched as two large holes opened and closed in time with her breathing.

Creepy.

“Begin preflight sequence.” The commander had taken a seat in the captain's chair, and as he was sitting there giving orders and taking command of the ship, you could almost forget that he was wearing an eyepatch and a pair of heelies.

By order form one of the bridge men, they strapped themselves into their seats as the countdown sequence began, “Crew of the harbinger this is your Commander speaking. Please follow all takeoff protocols for we are beginning preflight at this time. Please make sure to strap down all objects that would be lethal flying towards you head, and keep your hands and and feet inside the vehicle for the duration of the ride, thank you for flying with the UNSC.”

He flipped some controls on the chair as the countdown began, and it wasn’t moments before they were being lifted into the sky. Everyone braced themselves against their seats clutching the harnesses as they were thrust upwards into the sky, hands clasped onto harasses, and then they were airborne.

Despite the sudden and violent takeoff, the ride was relatively smooth, and they watched out the windows as earth receded behind them.

It was an amazing sight, more than any of them had ever before imagined, “Charge warp drive!” The commander ordered.”

“Charging warp drive, engage on your command, sir.”

“Diagnostic report on the coolant system?”

“100% operations functional, sir!”

“Engage warp drive in three ...two…. One.”

And then they were gone, off into the vastness of space at the forefront of space exploration.

At the forefront of danger.

***

The forefront of danger was not what they had been expecting, they certainly had not expected the aggressive prank war that occured on April first, a prank war that covered McCaster in Green paint, and resulted in Han having lost all of his left shoes.

They didn’t expect the mess hall to burst into a sing along when the commander began playing outdated rock music, they hadn’t expected to get cleaned out in a game of poker by an alien nearly twice their size, or chased out of the shower by a very grumpy looking spider hybrid.

All through this, the commander appeared and disappeared at random wheeling past or riding on the back of the electric blue Drev, only to prance down the hall out of sight leaving a trail of…. Something dumb, bubbles or confett, behind him.

How he managed to requisition any of the things he got his hands on was a mystery to them.

And though this was the strangest experience they had ever had, he hadn’t been wrong about burnout, boredom, or monotony. They never knew what was coming next, and there was always something interesting going on.

If you walked in on the commander, one moment he was trying to teach the spiderlings how to shake, and the next moment he was on a conference call with the president of the UN brass of the UNSC and the galactic Assembly giving tactical advice with the same mouth that had earlier proclaimed the hypothesis that , why don’t we just do all our laundry in space seeing as the inhospitable vacuum would kill all the bacteria, not entirely sure if he was joking or not.

During meal times he spent a good portion of it rotating around the tables and eating with a new group every day. Generally his big blue friend, Sunny came with him, and more often than not, the doctor as well. Seemed odd how close he was with them, but no one would give a straight answer when questions came up about the nature of the relationship.

It was on just such a day when the commander made his way over to their table and took a seat followed by the blue Drev who was carrying a large salad in a mixing bowl.

The drev could really put down food, but that made sense.

“Morning gentlemen.”

“Morning, sir.”

He tilted his head, “Don’t look so thrilled, you might have an accident with all that enthusiasm.”

Alvarez clutched his mug, “Sorry not a morning person.” He muttered

“And you commander.”

“Any time is a good time to be alive.”

“And there is the optimist.” Han muttered with a sigh rubbing groggily at his eyes before pausing “What are you wearing?”

The commander grinned leaning back to show off his shirt, “Star Wars T, its vintage, do you like?.... Don’t give me that look, it’s casual friday.”

They just shook their heads in slight amusement as he leaned an elbow on the table, “I was meaning to ask you guys something.”

They nodded, and he was about to open his mouth to speak when, alarms started going off all around the ship.

Suddenly, the geek was gone and the commander stood in his place demeanor no more marred by his clothing than a speck of dust in a beam of sunlight.

“EVERYONE TO YOUR STATIONS, NOW!”

“What’s going on!”

He tilted his head to the side listening, probably to a report over his implants.

“The GA is under attack. “

511 notes · View notes

plush-anon · 4 years

Text

Happy Halloween Scooby Doo! Review

Muahahhhahahhahahaha! Thanks to the Walmart tradition of stocking movies for sale weeks before the intended release date, I have myself a copy of what claims to be Scooby Doo’s FIRST Halloween adventure!

…in spite of movies like Witch’s Ghost and Goblin King, holiday specials like WNSD’s A Scooby Doo Halloween (which had a haunted Scarecrow too…), BCSD’s EL Bandito (for Dia de los Muertos - obvs not the same, but most companies act like it) and Halloween, The NSDM’s Halloween Hassle at Dracula’s Castle, and the DTV short film Scooby Doo and the Spooky Scarecrow (which, ironically enough, did NOT take the opportunity to feature Dr. Jonathan Crane).

So let us take a look now at Happy Halloween Scooby Doo! and see whether this film will be a graveyard smash of a treat, or a black licorice bomb of disappointment.

Full review (and SPOILERS TO GO WITH IT) are below the cut in my new review format; if all goes smoothly, I’ll go with this for future Scooby films.

WARNING: This review is very long.

One minor note before we begin: the Special Features actually include BCSD’s Halloween, WNSD’s A Scooby Doo Halloween, and PNSD’s Ghost Who’s Coming to Dinner

...so they were AWARE this was not the first Halloween adventure of the Scooby gang, and yet still use that tag line. Hm.

Still, kudos for including them - this’ll help boost the reasons to keep this movie, if it turns out to be a real Milk Dud of a movie *ba-dum tish* :D

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The movie starts off rather abruptly, actually - no slow pan over the setting, just WB Animation credit and BOOM, we’ve cut to a Halloween parade and Elvira is talking.

I’m of a mixed opinion including Elvira on top of having Bill Nye and a Batman Rogue - while she most certainly fits the Scooby aesthetic, it doesn’t feel as grand an impact after her weird little cameo in Return to Zombie Island (ugh) and I’m not sure how well the movie will balance her in wait a minute

wait just a

WAIT A MINUTE

Did - did that parade float skeleton just sing Crystal Cove as the town’s name?

oh no.

Oh No.

....also their song is terrible and they should feel terrible.

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Fred: We got him! Banh Mi Shop, second floor!

me: the heck is a Banh Mi Shop? *mild googling noises*

So I guess Jonathan Crane really had a craving for a Vietnamese sandwich before he enacted his Halloween scheme.

...you think he’s a lemongrass chicken type of guy or a BBQ pork guy? It’s always hard to guess at these things, esp when coffee and pumpkin spice aren’t on the table (as per fanon, of course)

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Velma: We have a flawless track record!

So I guess WB is just gonna ignore the past few DTV retcons established in 13 Ghosts and Return to Zombie Island?

I mean that rather defeats the purpose of them existing at all, but fcuk YEAH I can get behind throwing that retcon garbage out of canon!

And STAY OUT!!

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Shaggy, talking about ghosts being real: I’m like the boy who cried wolf - I keep warning you but like, you won’t believe me until I finally get eaten!

Yet again, Warner Bros makes a wolf reference to Shaggy. Yet again, I am torn asunder between wanting werewolf!Shaggy in a new Scooby property, and fearing for the appearance of werewolf!Shaggy in a new Scooby property.

-------

Velma: Point is, being afraid is a waste of time!

Scarecrow, LITERALLY EXPLODING THROUGH A BRICK WALL three buildings away:

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He’s floating through the air and t-posing to assert his dominance 🤣🤣🤣

Gods bless animation 😁

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Daphne @ Shag and Scoob locking themselves in the van: Are you serial?

Me: wait, SERIAL? *re-reads captions* yup, that says “serial”.

Is this an editing mistake? I don’t think that works here…unless that’s supposed to be a joke on how they always do this. But then why would that be an irritating surprise, they literally do this EVERY episode 🙄

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Oh hey, Red Herring’s Party Screams truck has Red Herring running out of it

Could this be a hint to how the story goes? The villain appearing on a literal Red Herring?

Naaaaaah, WB’s not THAT smart

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So if we take @captainbaddecisions crack theory on Jonathan Crane being Shaggy’s uncle seriously, does this mean that Jonathan is using magic to fly, float fear toxin orbs around himself, and making things explode, a la the family trait of Crack Theory A?

Logically he’s probs using wires or magnets or some shit, but it’s a fun thought to entertain 😁

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Welp, we finally get the opening credits! … with Jonathan Crane smashing through the Mystery Machine’s windshield, set to a slow poppy song straight from the 60s, and spewing the title of the film out in glittery pink mist.

All the while Scooby and Shaggy throw candy at each other, deliberately obtuse to the cloud of fear toxin enveloping their friends and the townsfolk, the steady destruction of the Mystery Machine they’re laying in as multiple cars crash into it and send it spiraling, and the general mayhem and destruction that Scarecrow is causing

Never change, guys, never change

--------

I just choked on my lemonade

There’s an article plastered to the roof of the Mystery Machine titled “Talking Dog Confounds, Ignites Ethics Debate Over Dog Labor”

ahahahahaha

-------

Annnnnnnnd there goes the Mystery Machine, tumbling in the air and over the roads with Shaggy and Scooby still inside without seat belts. Will they perish in this horrible road accident? Will Death finally come to claim them at last?

Of course not. This is Shaggy and Scooby we’re talking about - I’m almost positive they can survive anything up to and including a nuclear bomb. This is child’s play to them.

-------

So they “capture” Scarecrow… by pinning his cape to a tree with crossbow bolts.

And they do not try to at least tie up his arms or his hands in ANY capacity.

JUST the cape.

...you know, Velma, for a team with a “flawless” track record, you guys are making a hecking TON of mistakes in facing against one of Batman’s ROGUES GALLERY, ESPECIALLY with no Batman in sight, good freakin’ grief. 😩

------

Yaaaaaaaaas, this Scarecrow design is LUSH

He’s got the lank, the height, the BTAS costume colors, the elongated face with beaky nose and pointed chin and angular cheekbones, the eyebags like Gucci, the furrowed brow… honestly the only thing missing is the more reddish color hair, and even that isn’t mandatory. I love 😍

Not to mention the HOT DAYUM voice he has - low and velvet rough and so godsdamned particular in a way that could either tie in to obscuring a southern accent as in fanon or just as a stringent academic, oh my yes. He’s voiced by someone called Dwight Schultz, who’s most well known for playing Captain ‘Howling Mad’ Murdock in the OG A-Team show, and someone called Reginald Barclay in Star Trek TNG and Voyager, if any of y’all know that character in particular.

And of course, the first line he says is a delightfully wry “Oh, but I AM getting away with it,” with the sort of smirk that absolutely lends credence to why he’s a threat to Batman, and not some simpering wimp that can be defeated with some crossbow bolts in a tree.

I think I’m going to enjoy this movie at least somewhat, so long as we get to see him 🥰🥰🥰

(tho on a side note: Daphne why on EARTH are you trying to film Crane saying the meddling kids line? Do you have a video compilation of past villains who’ve done that, and you hope to add his to it? Was your phone damaged when you went up against the Riddler a few DTVs ago and you want a second shot at recording a Gotham Rogue saying it? Bc I don’t think a Gotham Rogue would be too pleased with seeing himself as a Mystery Meme on the Youtubes, you get what I’m saying?)

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Okay, so the floating orb things are explained away as fear toxin bomb drones somehow… despite looking nothing like the other drones and being much smaller with no visible propulsion, while also flying unassisted through and around objects to explode against places once flung…

(tho interesting note, none of them are aimed directly at the crowds, just behind them - odd, that)

But how did he heckin’ FLY at the beginning?

Yeah, they show him wearing wrist-mounted grappling hooks at the end of the intro song sequence, but they are NOWHERE IN SIGHT at the beginning - and I do mean in sight, since he emerges against a backdrop of flames. There was nothing there (see the T-pose above for further evidence), and nothing there when he FLEW THROUGH THE MYSTERY MACHINE’S WINDSHIELD AND FLEW BACK OUT AGAIN. And these things are pale silver, which stands out like crazy against the darker backgrounds, so no hand-wavy ‘they were always being used’ bullcrap we’ve seen in other movies.

Hmmm *scribbles in notepad* note to self, add notation concerning Crack Theory A on magic!Shaggy to “Uncle Crane” theory files - evidence denotes that Crane is able to fly (or at least hover in mid-air unassisted) for terrorization purposes. May boost strength of CTA by family association, lending credence to magic inheritance along the bloodline...

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“Avocado Toast Generation”? Crane, I honestly don’t know if you really mean that, or if you understand just how much that phrase gets under any Millennial/Gen Z kid’s skin. Having seen multiple variations of your character, it really could swing either way (tho kudos on the dead switch idea - very nice 👍🏻)

Although this does lead to an interesting stand-off: Fred, upon seeing the town threatened with 3 days worth of fear toxin, immediately moves to let Crane go, while Velma stops him and refuses to consider compromising if it means Crane escapes. They both look legitimately frustrated at the other for taking the stance they do.

Fascinating~

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Hmmm

Crane honey, I don’t know if your drones are made of flash paper and hope, or if Scooby and Shaggy are using the reeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaally old candy (the stuff made about ~3 years ago most neighborhoods give out to the teenagers that knock around midnight on Halloween) to shoot them down, but either way you may wish to speak with the manufacturer about this

Then again, this IS Shaggy and Scooby - they probably could’ve spat marshmallows at the drones and brought them down with equal success and explosions

(and good on them for shooting those down! Atta boy 👍🏻)

-------

Aw dang it

1. They still have Crane captured and now in handcuffs (despite having… you know… NOT been bound by anything except cross bolts in his curtain cape thing)

2. Dwight Schultz has decided to pitch his voice higher and more nasally than what he has. Hopefully this is more of an incredulous sort of pitch than something that sticks for the rest of the movie, ugh.

Also, I think they’re framing the movie to be more Velma-centric this time around - she’s the one explaining to Crane how they tracked him down, apparently through a piece of fan mail he sent Elvira (is that the only reason she’s there? Also why was Velma examining random pieces of fan mail for toxins, Elvira probs gets hundreds a week irl) and it looks like they’re framing something up on how fear isn’t something you can pretend isn’t there. neat!

------

whajit

53rd?

53rd?!?!

ONLY 53rd?!?!?!?!

Boooo, Scarecrow’s WAY more popular than that! I call foul

---

Okay why is Daphne’s schtick so far to spit laaaaaaame slang after every sentence Velma says

I would rather this not be her schtick

Actually could she go back to filming mystery stuff, bc at least I can pretend it’ll build into the OG Zombie Island Daphne

----

Phew, his voice has returned to its low, raspy goodness

also, Crane needs to learn about personal space, good grief

(interesting clue brought up tho - Crane only steals tech that CAN’T leak his toxin, ergo it can’t be tracked until he releases it. Sensible use, given that Batman probs tracks it if it does.)

----

Velma: I’m not afraid of you, Crane. Fear is an illogical reaction to an imagined threat.

Crane:

-----

Crane: Fearless, then. Intelligent. Proud and stubborn. You remind me very much of the one person in this world I care about.

uhhhhhh

Yourself? Harley? Edward Nygma? Ichabod the raven? Idk, I’m honestly curious as to where this thread will go 🤔🤔🤔

-----

Fred, leaning against the Mystery Machine: Guys, it’s gonna be okay. She told me!

O_o

Fred? Honey? Are you sure you weren’t supposed to join Crane in the transport vehicle back to Arkham?

----

OH SWEET JESUS SHAGGY GREW YAOI HANDS

WHAT THE HECK

THAT’S WAY MORE UNNERVING THEN YOU GUYS NOT BEING AFRAID ANYMORE

(although the fact that they’re both unsettled by NOT constantly shaking or having their heart racing is honestly kind of heartbreaking. Y’all need therapy, good grief)

----

Shaggy and Scooby just chewed up candy (wrapper and all) to make themselves a Halloween costume of… what looks like barfed-up candy (ew)

Before then proceeding to dance so well that everyone around them also starts dancing in a 60s-70s era rainbow light show and giving them candy

I worry for these two sometimes - that kind of power seems to be getting to their head 😬😬😬

---

Oh hey, acid green toxic waste is spilling from an 18-wheeler onto the Fear Toxin drones and emitting a purple pink haze that envelops a pumpkin patch! That won’t do anything suspicious at all I bet!

(wait is Poison Ivy going to come into this at some point)

(also major kudos to the music here - very 80s horror synth, I like)

----

So the Pumpkins have grown faces, limbs, consciousness, the ability to fly and a lust for human flesh

And they appear to be led by the Pumpkin King of the Pumpkin Patch mentioned in the Charlie Brown Halloween special

He’s not as friendly as I pictured him being, sadly 😕

---

Why is this random ass cop coming up to FD&V to say that they’re in over their heads… AFTER the mystery’s been solved?

Like dude, you’re only making yourself suspicious at this point, go home

----

Huh, interesting - the gang are being interviewed for a tv news network while they’re considered the town heroes

Why am I getting bad vibes from this…

Eh, it’s probably nothing

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Velma: {Shaggy and Scooby} are, um… REALLY into the Halloween spirit.

Shaggy: THIS ISN’T COSPLAY, VELMA!

I’m dying 😂

------

Holy Shit

Velma just snapped and went off on Shaggy and Scooby for acting scared and doing nothing to help wrap up the mystery

(even though these guys are the ONLY reason that the gang didn’t have to choose between setting Scarecrow free and poisoning the entire town for 3 days straight, but hey, what do I know - I’m just writing an in-depth reaction post to this movie and taking note of details like this, clearly I know nothing *eye roll*)

Last time I saw Velma critique the guys’ usual mystery solving shenanigans, it was much more low-key and without knowing they were nearby

But I’m sure that’s just a coincidence

------

What the

Bills?

Bills?!?!

Fred just mentioned that fixing the Mystery Machine was going to leave a hefty bill and that they may need to get dishwashing jobs to earn money

Which is more of a job you might expect a high schooler to get on the go and yet

They actually have to pay bills

How old are they here??!

------

wait a tic

THIS is how they introduce Bill Nye?

He just calls up Velma with no explanation other than Velma saying “Oh hey, it’s Bill Nye!”

I just - what?!?!

How do you know him so well that he can just pull up your number and call you, and then geT YOU A NEW FREAKING CAR LIKE

WHAT?!?!?!?

Was there a Scooby episode with him in the past two years where the fcuk did this come from

------

Also the car is dressed like Bill Nye

And he can talk to the gang directly as the car

So that he can solve mysteries with them whenever he wants

This… this was not what I was expecting to come about from the Bill Nye cameo

(alas, poor predictions of being Crane’s roommate, you will not come to pass this day) 😔

-------

Ooooo, purple haze throbbing on the horizon! That’s always a good sign of things to come! 😀

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And now Daphne’s… asking Elvira to mentor her fashion wise. And Elvira’s taking her on as her unpaid intern/personal assistant.

Yooo, movie, can you pick a direction and stick with it for Daphne? You’ve gone from her spewing outdated slang to wanting a costume for trick-or-treating, and now this.

-------

Welp, now I can say I saw a giant pumpkin dog vore an old woman

I didn’t WANT to see that mind, but I guess I can say it now 😐

------

OH SHIT NO

IT TURNED HER INTO A FLYING PUMPKIN SHAPED LIKE HER FACE

ABSOLUTELY UNSETTLING, 0/10 WOULD NOT RECOMMEND

-------

At least we get a nice scene of Daphne kicking the pumpkins’ collective butt

Something normal

------

Elvira: WOW! You’re a regular Mary Sue!

*falls over cackling*

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And now there’s a giant purple fissure opening up in the concrete to swallow the town of Crystal Cove whole

(good, i whisper softly into the darkness of my living room. Let it fall)

--------

Man, I feel so bad for this single father right now

He’s gotten wrapped up in all of this nonsense with his daughter, and he is just Distraught at being chased by Jackal Lanterns, having the town collapsing under his feet, and having to gorge jump in his sedan to get away from the worst of it

It’s okay, Mike Dad - we would feel the same way in your shoes

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Hologram Bill Nye is wearing Cat ears and cat whiskers/nose, and is cleaning his hands like a cat cleans its paws

Why was this the movie we found out Bill Nye was a furry

Why Warner Bros

Why would you inflict this upon us in a Scooby Doo-Scarecrow mystery

-------

Hey, can Jonathan Crane return now? The movie needs its dignity back.

------

A clue on the whys here - the town was built on top of a MASSIVE lithium deposit, with the talks to mine it being scrapped due to environmental concerns. That’s actually a decent lead in for why some

-------

Welp

The Jackal Lanterns just went full Mad Max with the Halloween Parade floats and cars

No, I don’t have any idea why either, just roll with it

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Nice, they confirmed that Fred’s full name is still Frederick Herman Jones XD

Also a great little action sequence with Daphne - while there’s not much movement, they frame the scene dynamically, with some good quick wordplay. Very nice.

--------

Velma has a mind palace

Aight

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Velma: Shaggy, I could kiss you!

Oh, to hear this as a child, when I still hardcore shipped Shelma *sigh*

------

Oh thank gods we’re going back to Scarecrow again

------

Shaggy ate some Scooby Snacks, leapt out of a moving vehicle, and onto the backs of two flying pumpkins that he promptly reined in to fly to Crane’s prison transport

...yet again, I am amazed at the sentences I am led to type for Scooby Doo DTVs

------

Ah, how very Hannibal Lector of you, Jon

Man, he actually looks very meek in normal clothes - red long-sleeved shirt and grey slacks

-----

Hmmm

So Crane ISN’T behind the Jackal Lanterns - in fact he’s outright befuddled by them. This means his whole spiel to Velma earlier about both of them being caught in the same trap was… metaphorical? The breakdown doesn’t actually go into WHY he thinks they’re in the same trap - Crane’s whole schtick is tied to accepting fear, not denying it, so why would they be the same?

Either way, someone is using both him and Mystery Inc to do something to Crystal Cove (please be Red Herring, please be Red Herring, please be Red Herring)

Actually, that reference at the beginning really WAS a red herring - they framed it as being Jon the whole time when it wasn’t. Kudos!

Additional kudos to having Jon be seen more out of mask than in - he is a looker, and I aim to look as much as I can ;)

-------

Annnnd Daphne’s now trying to convince Elvira to switch clothes with her

I don’t get it - how on earth did we get from Daphne trying to find a good costume for trick-or-treating to asking Elvira to switch oh there it is nevermind.

-----

There is literally a scene where a giant buzzsaw is slicing towards Crane

and he just

stares at it

going “huh, that’s different”

And I LOVE IT

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And here we have another fascinating scene: Velma going to free Crane from his cell, as Daphne tells her to just leave him to die by pumpkin

I’m wondering if they meant to draw a parallel between the two here - Velma starts by reciting a nursery rhyme, then overcoming her fears in order to release madness to take control. It’s not done very cleanly - mainly bc we barely have any time with Crane in this movie - but I wonder if they meant to insinuate that Crane was like Velma once, where he refused to acknowledge he was afraid, which caused him to lose focus on his initial goals

Idk, ignore my ramblings

---

Crane, smirking: I’ll need my personal effects - extenuating circumstances.

Me, fanning myself: I’ll need you to remove yours first

(i am not even kidding, Crane is an absolute DILF in this movie and it flusters me. Stupid sexy animation)

---

YAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS

SCARECROW TO THE MOTHERFCUKING RESCUE BABY, SCYTHE AND FCUKING ALL!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

----

FCUK YEAH THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING

HE HAS A DANCE LIKE QUALITY WITH SOME OF HIS FIGHTING MOVES

VIOLENT DANCING BRINGS THE GIANT JACKAL LANTERN DOWN BABY

THEN HE BACKFLIPS AND GYMNASTIC SWINGS INTO THE VAN

ROCK IT SCARECROW FCUKING ROCK IT

(minor note here, but the subtitles show Dr. Crane instead of Scarecrow - unsure if that’s more that the movie calls him Dr Crane or if it indicates he’s acting more heroic than villainous)

---

GODDAMNIT

THE GIANT PUMPKIN SNUCK VINES INTO THE VAN AND STOLE HIM BACK

WHEN CRANE WAS... wearing a seatbelt before, but isn’t now.

...

BOOOOO

---

Yet again, we find a Scooby movie that attempts character development, but with Velma

Unlike Shaggy’s Showdown however, I’m mixed on how successful it is.

For starters, Velma hasn’t been this cocksure in other DTVs we’ve seen, so it’s a bit odd to see it now. While not 100% out of place - after all, the gang DID capture one of Batman’s Rogues Gallery on their own - it still feels a touch forced. Compare that to Shaggy’s Showdown, where Shaggy has ALWAYS been a coward (one that, in more recent years, writers have had willing to abandon his friends for safety), so the character development there feels more natural.

The progression of events with Velma actually work somewhat okay - but again, here’s where past DTVs come to bite them in the ass. The past handful have had the gang be wrong, have had them fail, or catch the wrong guy. This makes Velma’s attitude here at odds with the other films, something that sticks more due to a character that’s appeared in the past few films as a minor inconvenience - a Sheriff who keeps telling the gang not to interfere, they’re doing things wrong, etc. If this had been a character who was completely wrong in the past AND SHOWN TO BE WRONG FOR HIS OPINIONS, while the gang never guessed wrong, this would work much better. Unfortunately, it doesn’t, and here we are.

I think it would have flowed better if Velma’s cockiness came solely from catching Crane on their own. Have a random cop character or reporter or whatever (just not the recurring cop), insinuate that the gang is in too deep with Scarecrow, that he should be handled by the adults or professionals or whatever. Velma could bristle, overcompensate, and THEN fall from her pedestal like we see, reach out to the gang and commiserate over feeling scared, and grow. Again, it’s not too far to reach for, but they handle it poorly; as a result, the outcome feels a little more shoehorned in.

It’s an honest shame, bc we haven’t had a Velma centered story since Frankencreepy, and we all remember what a hideous fcuking mess THAT was *shudders*. Still, it somewhat gets its point across, I guess.

---

Fred why did you rip your shirt off

Actually better question why do you not have nipples

---

Awwwwwww

Velma just apologized to Shag and Scoob for snapping at them earlier, and admits how she doesn’t appreciate how much they make Mystery Inc what it is

Also she eats a Scooby Snack with them and admits they taste pretty good

----

Huh

Velma’s mind palace is the Mystery Machine driving through space

Also Shaggy and Scooby are able to telepathically follow her in and communicate with her

Literally, they actually followed her into her head telepathically, and show her their memories of things she hasn’t gotten to see tonight (while also possibly enhancing her ability to remember things, given how much DETAIL she captures perfectly of things that she would maybe have glimpsed in a millisecond AT MOST)

...another tally for Crack Theory A of magic! Shaggy and Scooby *scribbles*

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Fred, be very very thankful that there are no people operating those pumpkins in person cause uhhhh

Those traps would be spraying red instead of orange

------

Another weird music choice - the gang goes up to fight the Jackal Lanterns, but the music is the same 60s bubble we heard earlier

Not terribly atmospheric, really

(wouldn’t a Smashing Pumpkins cover of Scooby Doo be more appropriate, or did you guys spend all your money on hiring Elvira and Bill Nye?)

------

Dang

Velma just admitted her fears and jumped into the mouth of the Mega Pumpkin, before getting Fred to use the app from earlier to shut it down, revealing it to be a giant drone surrounded by smaller pumpkin drones

This feels… counterintuitive, but I’ll try to explain at the end

---

Okay

I’ll admit it

The Whodunnit is actually pretty decent in concept

There was a sprinkling of tidbits that could be assembled for the final conclusion and still make a decent amount of sense, all to find the sheriff doing it

Only he isn’t a sheriff

He’s a former Tech CEO who was also busted by the gang years ago in a case the Sheriff kept bringing up throughout the movie - due to his prison sentence, he lost more than half his wealth and the opportunity to expand it further with the Crystal Cove Lithium deposits

He was also someone who sold tech to Crane for his fear toxin distribution, where he got the idea to frame him for it

(tho on a side note, Crane is an absolute dork and a terrible liar - just look at the email he sent XD and that profile pic, my gods)

He deliberately picked at the gang for the past few DTVs (specifically 2: Return to Zombie Island and Curse of the 13th Ghost) to fracture their confidence, undermine them, etc - all so that in one fell swoop, he could retake his fortune, frighten everyone in town away from the mines so they couldn’t interfere, frighten away the gang (while also ruining their reputation as mystery solvers), and take Crane off the docket so he couldn’t identify the CEO when he pretended to be the sheriff

This… is actually a pretty damn good plan, for a Scooby villain. He was patient, manipulative, and clever, learning how best to tie up loose ends and win back what he lost. A clever revenge story that came so close to coming to fruition, and could have honestly been sold convincingly…

...if it hadn’t been done so much better in Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed.

Yeeeaaaah, this movie basically lifts the rough framework up from that one - past mystery villain comes back to attack the gang and ruin their reputation (tho this one decides to also make his fortune back and tie up loose ends with former criminal contacts, a la Crane). Gang is embarrassed in front of the news folk, another villain is framed for it (like Old Man Wickles of the Black Knight fame), and the gang must reconcile to foil the villain for good.

Although it also??? Merges elements of Frankencreepy in it?? The movie is focused on Velma, who is struggling to admit when she’s wrong (which ties into her fear, somehow… I’ll think on that point a little) and things purportedly go haywire when she won’t bend. This… isn’t illustrated as well here, since there’s very little direct cause-and-effect from Velma’s actions that would prove this point - that insisting her way is the right, best, and therefore only way to go ends up making things worse.

As much as I despised Frankencreepy (and I DESPISED IT), it did do that part well - showing that refusing to budge on something can lead to you hurting your friends (literally, in that one), and that admitting you were wrong and need help isn’t the end of the world.

(that movie also had former villains returning to gain vengeance upon the gang using psychological warfare, hm - may need to go over that one again, unfortunately).

It’s a shame, too - the basic elements for this plot are all here, they just need to be polished and reworked a bit to make a really fascinating movie.

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Anyways, back to the asshat CEO who just… faked being a sheriff. Because white people can get away with that so long as they have the outfit and the car *throws up hands* (the sad part is this is probably something that actually happens)

As he drives away we see a familiar silhouette looming in the cornfields, watching him approach

Velma had Bill Nye on speaker, so he could record the entire confession for the federal officers nearby (who were taking Scarecrow back to Arkham), and track the phone signal to his exact location

And right as his holographic call cuts out, we see the shadow of a Scarecrow looming over him, causing him to scream.

When the feds arrive at his final location, both his body and the money have vanished. The car still sits, engine running, before the crows leering over him from the field vanish into the sky.

-------

Now that he’s dead, the gang walks and finds themselves at a Halloween party, with friendly faces and good food. The mystery is solved, though the culprit may never be found again.

Then Daphne admits to NOT trying to steal Elvira’s costume for Halloween, but instead trying to steal Elvira’s identity and replace her.

Something that she’s apparently nearly gotten away with on past mysteries working with Phillis Diller

*sighs* movie, why couldn’t you just stick to the costume schtick? This is just… so much worse.

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From there, Elvira walks off to wrap things up, reveal the monster face on the back of her head sans wig (which was also a monkey), and start the credits, where we see the gang working to bring the Mystery Machine back to its former glory a la Frankenstein pastiche.

This movie… this movie is a hot mess, but at least it’s an OKAY hot mess.

It really does feel like someone started writing a decent Velma-focused movie concerning the Scarecrow and a past Mystery Inc villain interfering, but was bogged down by notes from higher-ups: Wait! Write in Elvira! Also write in Bill Nye! Hey, let’s have a Mad Max car chase with the Jackal Lanterns! And have Daphne obsessed with literally becoming Elvira! Also make reference to things that we’ll insist be explained this way instead of a way that makes sense! Great!

(seriously tho, we never find out who Crane cares about most that reminds him of Velma, what the heck?)

It’s like two or three different scripts were smooshed together without being cleaned up - stuff is said that doesn’t get resolved, the celebrity guests don’t get to breathe much and feel squished together, and the build-up for the villain feels… less impactful, even knowing that he’s been in the past two films.

It might have worked if he’d been in… let’s say like 5 or 6 DTVs in a row, speaking roles for dissing the gang growing in each (ex start with “Good job kids! But maybe next time, leave it to the professionals, okay?” and growing more bitter from there), but only 2 feels kind of meh. Still, I do appreciate the clues we got to collect together, and they all work in the final breakdown of the scheme - some DTVs can feel like they pull stuff completely out of nowhere, so kudos there.

I appreciate what they wanted to do with Velma - give her a character development arc similar to Shaggy’s in Shaggy’s Showdown. Unfortunately, it wasn’t set up quite so neatly: they blended her ‘refusal to admit fear’ with her overconfidence that she was always right, and it led to a weird conclusion. To face her fears, she leapt into the Giant Pumpkin, which… proved that she was right all along about it being fake, and that solves things somehow. It doesn’t address how she can get something wrong sometimes, it doesn’t really address what she’s afraid of (which is honestly quite good: she’s afraid of failing in a way that allows bad guys to escape justice and in a way that hurts her friends), it’s just a bit of a mess. Points for aiming the focus the right way (and in a way that DOESN’T sexualize the underage teenage girl, unlike some DTVs cough cough Frankencreepy cough cough), but it’s very very messy how it goes about it.

The movie actually balanced pretty well for the whole gang - no excessive focus on one leaving the rest in the dust (too much at least - Fred was a touch underdeveloped, but nowhere near as annoying as past iterations have been. Shaggy and Scooby were kind of meh in some places but great in others, while Daphne was just odd. I think they were trying to recapture the BCSD Daphne characterization, but they failed. Still, she did spend some good time kicking ass with the pumpkins, so that was fun.

Now for the Rogue, Jonathan Crane. If you like Crane, this movie gives you: maniacal Scarecrow, calm and creepy Crane, a brief glimpse at fanboy!Crane (he admits in his own awkward way that he’s a fan of Elvira, and later tells her he loves her work - it’s fun), and (best of all for me) a heroic Crane - one who helps the protagonists and ends up kicking ass pretty damn well, brief as it was. And while DILF Crane is always a treat, he feels underutilized in this. In comparison, Scooby Doo/Batman Brave and the Bold really utilized a lot of different aspects of Riddler, to the point he actually does feel pretty menacing by the third act. It’s a shame we don’t quite get that with Crane, but I do love seeing him 1. More out of mask, and 2. Acting as a good guy (in his own way), so he’s enjoyable on the whole.

I kind of wish that the whole movie was spent more with Crane, but again, the script is a bit of a mess on this part - the fact that he’s not completely screwed over is a goddamn miracle.

Elvira was… okay. She didn’t have much of a purpose beyond getting the plot started and giving Daphne some hooks to play off of. Bill Nye (abrupt as his introduction was) did provide some necessary elements to the mystery, as well as the tech; he wasn’t too bad by the end. (still a touch bitter we didn’t get ex roommate Nye, but hey, what can you do)

Humor was… mixed. Some good, some meh, but very few long enough to feel painful. Some bits felt extraneous at times, but they did help to build to the conclusion, so points for effort.

At the end of the day though, I’m probably keeping this more for Jonathan Crane than anyone else. It does have a lot of fanfic potential tho 🤔🤔🤔

That’s all from me tonight, folks! Hope you enjoyed my own little breakdown of the movie.

#happy halloween scooby doo #plush reviews: final thoughts #jonathan crane #scarecrow #spoilers

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jbk405 · 3 years

Text

So here’s my more detailed thoughts on Black Widow

It was pretty flawed.

It started strong. It really did. Opening on seemingly-happy suburban life in Ohio actually covered a lot of ground right away. It establishes that the two girls are normal girls, no matter what we see later in the film, and it also answers a lot of those minor nitpick points I saw fans crying about in the earlier movies (”Why doesn’t Natasha have a Russian accent?!?!?!” Apart from the fact that accent coaches exist, now we see she actually spent some of her formative years in the USA and picked up local habits). Some of the people I see on tumblr also got really into The Americans recently so I couldn’t help but giggle a bit as well.

The gunfight escape was a little unnecessary, especially Natasha having to pilot the plane which was just odd, but still I call it a solid opening sequence and it made me excited for the rest of the film.

Unfortunately it went downhill pretty quickly.

The action throughout the rest of the film was over-the-top in ways that don’t make sense for the “normal” or “grounded” character of Black Widow. She’s supposed to be a baseline human being who does what she does through skill, training, and gadgets. Here she takes more damage and physical punishment than Steve Rogers does, and yet is never disabled or impaired for more than a few seconds of limping. She falls out of buildings, gets hit by cars, is caught in explosions, and yet just gets up and keeps walking.

The threat is practically sci-fi. A conspiracy of assassins with mind-control technology operating from a flying fortress. Yes, we know this all exists in the MCU, but so far each character’s films has had them dealing with threats and concepts appropriate to their character. Ant-Man never fought a sorcerer in his films, his plots revolve around Pym technology. Iron Man didn’t fight the Kree in his trilogy, he dealt with geo-politics and corporate exploitation. The Guardians of the Galaxy never came to earth, they stayed in space. So why is Black Widow, ‘the spy’, so far outside of her wheelhouse?

And I am not saying “She’s not good enough to do this!” since she’s crossed over in the Avengers films and the Captain America/Iron Man movies she appeared in, I’m saying this concept shouldn’t have been used for her standalone movie.

The plot was a weird rehash of previous MCU films, and this honestly confuses me the most. Primarily Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Discovering the existence of a powerful secret conspiracy that’s been operating from the shadows, a conspiracy that you thought you had destroyed years ago, with an implacable enemy with personal history as the main enforcer of the bad guys...these story points are almost identical. The climax was beat for beat. Destroying Dreykov’s sky palace standing in for destroying the Insight Helicarriers, Natasha trying to break through the brainwashing of Dreykov’s daughter standing in for Steve trying to break through Bucky’s brainwashing, etc. I tried to be generous to call it an ‘homage’ but these points are so numerous that it just seems lazy.

These story beats, apart from just being copies, also lack any of the oomf of CATWS because we haven’t seen any of this history that they’re referencing. “Dreykov’s daughter” was mentioned once by Loki in The Avengers, literally nine years ago, and hasn’t been explained or discussed since. We had an entire film of Steve and Bucky together before Bucky became The Winter Soldier, plus callbacks afterwards. Internally, the characters don’t have this connection, either. Sure, Natasha has been haunted by 'killing’ Antonia all her life, it’s her greatest regret and the action she’s trying to atone for, but Antonia doesn’t know her. They weren’t childhood friends, they didn’t train together, to Antonia she’s just the person who blew her up. That’s if Antonia even thinks of her at all, since she’s actually under mind control the whole film. Not even “brainwashing” like Bucky was, but actual mind control, so her body is completely under foreign control. Meaning that ultimately all of Natasha’s pleas and attempts to stop the fighting do absolutely nothing because Antonia literally isn’t in there, so she just has to spray her with the anti-mind control spray. And once she does that it ends, so all the pleading was pointless after all.

Stepping back a bit, for all Dreykov’s speeches (And I don’t know if the issue was the writing or the acting, but Dreykov could not pull off these speeches) we never learn what he was doing. What is he using the Widows for? ‘Power’ and ‘Influence’, yes I understand, but how? Is he selling their services as assassins to the people in power around the world? Is he threatening these men with his army of unstoppable killing machines to bend to his will? Did he have the brainwashed young women seduce people for blackmail purposes? The movie never says.

The movie never says a lot, actually. Like why was Aleksei in jail? He says Dreykov betrayed him for no reason, but there must have been some reason. Not necessarily a good one, but something. When he was ranting about the betrayal of it all, why didn’t Natasha say “Oh, please, you were trying to sell him out to SHIELD” or “You stole his favorite car for a joyride” or anything at all. If he didn’t go rogue because his conscience got to him, or he got too greedy, or he messed up on a mission, then what did happen? Why did Dreykov sideline what was apparently a skilled and powerful asset?

And how did Dreykov escape Natasha’s assassination attempt way-back-when? Was he rebuilt by Project T.A.H.I.T.I? Did he have an android duplicate decoy? Was he just not there and Natasha just screwed up because she was so desperate to get him that she wasn’t thinking straight? The movie never says, nor even gives any hint. Natasha comes into the movie believing she killed him, Yelena says “Really? You actually believe you killed him?” and then that’s it. He’s alive after all. There was so much lack of an explanation that for much of the film I believed he was dead and somebody else was posing as him, maybe even his daughter who was actually the one to survive. Nope, he just...didn’t die.

I wanted to like this movie, I really did, but it was poorly thought out and a mashup of concepts from other, better movies.

#Black Widow #MCU #Poor writing #Movies #Film

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monkey-network · 4 years

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Why EVE is The Best

Heads up. I’m basically gonna sperg about this whole film, so spoilers for this twelve year old film. Enjoy!

Wall-E is one of my favorite films; I would gladly kill and extort to bring the sequel I had in mind to life in any way; animatics would pleased me if nothing else but anyways. I love this film and one of the biggest reasons for that is the character EVE, a character that stuck in my mind longer than most if you can believe. So, better time than any, Imma just ramble about why I love this character. And, before we begin, I’m gonna say EVE is a girl, Wall-E is a boy due to my brain believing they were respectively female- and male-coded for most of my life but do NOT let this stop you from envisioning them however you please. If they’re both girls or boys to you, all power to you. With that said, here we go...

The Design

Now I’m not saying she has the greatest robot design ever; I don’t look at eggs and remember better days when I got to watch that film for the first time in my old house. But Pixar certainly knew how to make simplicity work to perfection. Simple shape, simple mechanics, simple movements. All feeling right at home with her coming from the more advanced future, especially compared to Wall-E where he’s literally a more grounded looking robot. Thematically, this design is fucking genius. A scouter robot with the ability to fly with ease and yet carries a literal arm cannon with incredible fire power. Both expressing how she can have her head in the clouds, observational when necessary, and yet trigger happy amidst the slightest inconvenience or surprise. *MWAH* What the fuck? It’s a great duality where the hard, more logical exterior possesses a sweet and approachable core just waiting to be shown and it’s wonderful seeing Wall-E, this literal block head, fumble his way into having a simple conversation with her. Now I can’t really disassemble how the programming in Wall-E works where they can behave like humans but follow objectives like a machine... but, I can try. With this scene.

Now take this with a grain of salt, the inferencing is more to the imagination otherwise the fun of this movie is tarnished. But from this scene, it’s clear that in this universe robots can show feelings for one another but can’t be romantic with humans because they can recognize human emotions and reactions but do so in an automated sense. The film expresses their curiousity just enough to where their reactions to human things and functions are within reason and yet doesn’t toy with the viewer’s believability. EVE is capable of responding to Wall-E’s advances but doesn’t 100% reciprocate his feelings because Wall-E isn’t her directive (least not yet, that’s for later). Not to mention, she isn’t that adept at romance unlike Wall-E who, by being alone with Earth’s technology, was able to learn and process human romance through the Hello Dolly VHS and potentially other things over the years. So this conversation works with the two having their limited knowledge, we don’t know how much they know, and the film keeps focus on having a balance between somewhat logical reactions and minor impulsive humane reactions that makes them alive but only just enough so it doesn’t feel like them being robots is pointless... Phew. Speaking of which, you know what isn’t pointless? Her motherfucking buster cannon.

Her whole ass arm houses a gun capable of nuking an entire cargo ship in a matter of seconds and it makes sense that she’d have it cuz how can a scouter robot defend themselves but beyond that, it’s just so goddamn cool. Like yeah, I can express how this symbolizes about America and... how they want to fuck their guns or something but who cares. She has a FUCKING ARM CANNON and it’s badass, end of discussion.

The Hanger Moment

Much as I love the moment where the two are in space flying, I honestly say that this moment where the two are in Wall-E’s house during the darude sandstorm is incredibly important. EVE is reasonably taken to his home and naturally, when the lights come on, she looks through the stuff he gives to her. She gets to take it easy for once, things can be quiet after she blew up a whole ship, have a giggle or two at the trinkets he’s collected, with the cigarette lighter being a good tool that’ll be used for later.

She’s curious, bouncy, still a bit quick on the draw, but is nonetheless taking in a lot this robot on Earth has to offer. It’s this and the small 1v1 they had before that is a lovely seedling to not only their connection but EVE’s development on her own, where we hardly need dialogue to show how she’s feeling about it all. And yeah, I’m with plenty of people to say that if this movie was just about the two of them being on Earth it probably would’ve been the greatest Pixar film of all time for many. Fortunately the plot kicks in when Wall-E shows EVE the plant, forcing her to go dormant, thus pulling Wall-E into an adventure on the Axiom ship. And I say fortunately cuz this is where EVE goes from good to great as a character.

The Axiom

While it’s something where we all wish that this film wasn’t the densly plotted, society driven second half, I say the second half on the Axiom carries the film’s themes and character building for EVE to good heights. We enter EVE’s territory, the slick, iPhoney synthetic world where humans have become literal potatoes and everything’s more or less automated. For EVE, the first half of the film lets us see the more playful side of her and doesn’t mind being around Wall-E, but isn’t immediately won over with the concept of love. She’s still goal-oriented and trying to keep the two stuck on Earth would’ve made her arc as open-ended and ambiguous as The Good Dinosaur. Time on the axiom puts her original sense of thinking to the test when Wall-E tags along.

To share the bigger picture real quick, the human element of Wall-E is complimentary to Wall-E and EVE’s humane behavior. To quote RealJims’ honestly flawless analysis, “What better way to show the humanity in a robot than to be among humans that act like robots?” For Wall-E the robot, this works perfectly as a fish out of water story. His time on Earth affects not only a few humans, but other robots like MO and the secretary machine, as minor as it seems.

So when Wall-E seemingly fucks things up, EVE is rightfully peeved. His slip ups especially with the Diagnostics scene tests her goal-oriented nature and patience, to a tasteful comedic strength. Doesn’t mean they now turned Wall-E stupid, the film makes sure the monkey wrenches are only accidents from someone severely out of the loop of things. This leads them and us well into

The Depths of Space

The scene where Wall-E gets launched in the escape pod thrills me with joyfully painful suspense every time. EVE making a mad dash to him as Wall-E madly tries to get out of the soon exploding pod, leading to it exploding and we get this from EVE. The wide eyes of terror followed by the whispering “No”s gives me shivers every time I see it in full.

Now one could argue her concern was more for the plant getting destroyed, but I say she was more frightened at the idea of both Wall-E and the plant getting nuked. While Wall-E did make her mad, she nonetheless cared about him and wasn’t expecting the tiny bot asshole to send him to death. So it’s like, “Oh no, both my purpose and the one that helped me are both gone.”

Luckily, thanks to some foreshadowing, Wall-E made it out alive with the plant in safe keeping and EVE seeing Wall-E actually care about her goal makes her beam with joy, being that reasonable spark that brings the two closer together. I mean if your love interest cheated death to help you out, why wouldn’t it? Everything about this moment is what made EVE stick with me long after I watched the film; the emotional journey the director was able to convey with her is so well-built to this point, it’s still amazing how they were able to do it with little dialogue or facial expressions. I especially love the emptiness we get of the two of them in space, where it adds focus to the two of them especially. But my god, that’s only half of it...

The space dance sequence between the two is still one of Pixar’s most gorgeous scenes. The way Wall-E is able to keep up with the fire extinguisher after having trouble in the film’s beginning, the wide shots of space, the lovely glow of the engines, the music. I especially like to think of this scene as a parallel to EVE’s initial flight on Earth. For her, it was that rite of passage after the touchdown and now she gets to share that same moment with someone she’s grown to like or appreciate. Then again, this isn’t the moment where EVE loves Wall-E. We’re close, but we need that one inch to finally show her the truth. That’s when she sees

The Recordings

The moment where EVE gets to see the memories of her time on Earth, including her dormant stasis, is where shit finally clicks. She essentially gets to know how Wall-E felt not only about her, but about love. Even when she couldn’t be there, she sees now that Wall-E cared about her and is able to process what Wall-E processed when he looked at Hello Dolly at one point. Scene also works because getting her directive, or the plant, was generally done and done with, she finally gets time to focus on something else, on her feelings for someone else. This leads well into... the well that leads to...

The Dumpster Moment

The scene with the recordings is where things finally click, but the moment with EVE and Wall-E in the ship’s dump is where it comes together. After getting betrayed yet again by AUTO, EVE’s concerns are now less with the plant and more for Wall-E and thanks to the moment previous, I can totally buy this. It’s teeth gritting seeing her try to rescue a now broken Wall-E from getting ejected into space and losing his energy thanks to a destroyed chip. So when we see her finally toss the plant aside and says Wall-E is her directive now, I tear up. It feels like a genuine, built up declaration on her part; the moment where EVE can rationally return his feelings ten-fold and truly be there for him. But that isn’t all to it, because Wall-E reasonably struggles his way to the plant to show that to save him, they need to get to Earth which means getting the plant back to the core of the ship.

This gives EVE newfound resolve and puts that to the test, where she has to basically defect against AUTO who’s become the physical antagonist of the film. The escape sequence is a bit of a step down since putting humans in danger doesn’t really affect the film’s themes all that well, but I can’t argue that pitting the captain against AUTO is a bad climax.

The Death to Wall-E

Thinking about this film after so long, it is still pretty fucking shocking to realize how punishing they treat Wall-E in the final act. It’s even more shocking when you realize how the roles have reversed, where Wall-E focuses more on EVE’s goal with the plant instead of EVE herself and vice versa. Then again, I say it’s fair that they did this, to show how much Wall-E was willing to sacrifice for the one he loves which makes the painful wails we hear from EVE feel all the more impactful. Like you’re serious with her as she struggles to accept his death before they reach Earth. And speaking of Earth...

The Finale

Now, I can’t help but argue it’s an unfortunate plothole that EVE is somehow able to fully repair Wall-E in spite of never fixing anything else in the film. Then again, it’s fucking pumping seeing her move quick to put him back together and it’s that final stomp on the heart when, even when he’s fully restored, Wall-E bares no memories of her or anything. You see her desperately try to get him to remember anything only to be met with an emotionless, reset shell. In finally understanding Wall-E’s feelings of love, she can’t really be with him. Until...

True Love’s Kiss Saves the day

I can get scientific with how getting his memories back was possible, but I won’t because the scene just works. It’s quiet, takes it time, and that last eureka moment with the two truly get to hold hands makes up for any scattered logistics. I’d say this is where Wall-E finally gets the love, but the same can be said for EVE, after everything she went through. I’ve admittedly seen a few talk about how the female lead is only valid through the love of another, typically male, but I believe what works 120% here is that the two characters basically have themselves figured out, Wall-E more than EVE, and EVE’s journey is never hindered for a sudden realization to love. She still succeeds in her mission, but the stakes for her have risen once she comes to terms with her newfound feelings and these feelings aren’t out of pocket. Wall-E has his feelings for EVE from the getgo, but dedicates to helping EVE with the goal, even if it means death. The connection they get to have is earned and is what drives the plot. EVE earns what she realizes she wants and that makes her a great female protagonist in my eye.

The Conclusion

Wall-E is a pretty warm movie; a film how the love of two brings humanity to salvation and vice versa. How EVE and Wall-E’s love is synonymous to the intertwining of modern and older technology to shape the world. But honestly, that probably wouldn’t have worked as well without how great they made EVE as a character. Wall-E is great too, but it’s astonishing to see EVE’s journey with Wall-E and show her natural growth of understanding something as warm as romance. Her journey is pretty synonymous to how I feel with the movie overall. The time we get of them on Earth is symbiotic to the time we get in space; we get an intimate journey that expands to a film about society but remains personal and intimate nonetheless. And with EVE, we get this superbly fleshed out character that’s emotive, understanding, and above all gets a resolves that’s awesome to see every time I catch or just think about this film. What else is there to say?

They’re the Best.

#wall-e #Pixar #disney #EVE #movies #awesome #analysis #Good Stuff #long post

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