#ANYWAYS that is all I am so sorry I am posting this so late my time please forgive me

[sugawhaaa]

ATEEZ SMUT REACTION

Catching them watching porn + porn they watch

Warnings:: smut

Pairing:: ateez x fem!reader

A/N:: hey sugababies 🥰 I am currently working on my kinktober like all day every day (not really) so that's why I haven't posted since 1969 😬

Extra note:: San, and Wooyoung get a little snappy and defensive but it's not too extreme.

Ateez h/c masterlist ⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏⊹ ࣪

Taglist:: @cloudy-lilly @dwaekkii

Hongjoong

Hongjoong was cuddled up in his blankets, very late at night, with his phone screen lighting up his face. He had one arm beneath the blankets and the other shakily held up his phone in front of his face. His eyes were fixated on the way the woman's body jerked with each thrust from her partner. It made his body warm and tingly and his cock wouldn't stop twitching as he held it in the palm of his hand. Soft whimpers and breaths escape his lips as the woman's moans grow louder.

Oh how he wishes he was doing that to you. Pounding into you until you cried from how good you felt. He turned to look at you, peacefully sleeping next to him. Now he felt bad but he couldn't stop his fingers, rubbing his cock as he palmed at his aching balls, begging to be emptied. He let out a soft whine, louder than intended.

"I'm sorry Y/N, I'm so dirty," he sighed, frustrated at himself. You turned to him with a soft smile, your eyes partially opened.

"No you're not," you lazily rub his cheek and he's frozen in place. His hands freeze and the video keeps playing at a low volume. "You may be a little...slutty but I like it," you smile. "There's nothing wrong with that," your eyes flutter back shut. "If you want help you can just go ahead right now...I'm not very awake but I still have a pussy for you to use," you chuckle and Hongjoong finally unfreezes.

"R-Right uhm," he looks back at his phone as the video comes to an end, the lovers kissing before the screen goes blank. "You don't have to baby I can...help myself," he nods and you shake your head.

"I'm already naked anyways, cmon,"

Seonghwa

He was going all out. He refused to hold anything back mainly because he physically couldn't. He had never been such a mess, he was a straight-up mess. His entire body was soaked in sweat despite the fall weather outside, his hair clung to his face in wet strands, his lips were swollen and red from biting down on them, and his hands were soaked.

He couldn't even tell what his hand, cock, and balls were soaked in anymore. Sweat? Spit? Lube? Cum? He didn't know or care. On his bed where his head craned down to look was his phone, playing porn. He didn't bother to put headphones in for the first time in his life because he was just too horny. He knew you'd be home soon but he didn't care.

A drop of sweat falls from his nose onto the screen of his phone. "Shit," The droplet fell right where he could see the woman's pussy being spread open by her man's cock. He growled to himself, momentarily pausing everything. He wiped the sweat off his face with the back of his arm and took a moment to look at himself. "Disgusting," he said to himself out loud before taking a deep breath and continuing.

As he continued to try and get off the door opened to his lover, you. He sighed as you opened the door, knowing his fate. "I'm sorry, I know you were trying to work,"

"No baby I was worried about you," you say as you go over to him. Upon seeing the state he was in, you felt you were in the right for being worried. "Do you need help? You seem very frustrated sweetie," you put a hand on his shoulder and he turns off his phone, not bothering to pause the porn.

"No. I'm just tired," he sighs before grabbing you in his arms and laying down. "Sorry I know I'm sticky and sweaty but I just wanna cuddle," he nuzzles his face into your neck as he holds you on top of him.

"It's okay," you pat his back and he lets out a sigh.

Yunho

He thought he'd be home alone for the entire night so he brought out all the lube and sex toys on the couch and turned on the TV with some porn. He kept himself entertained for quite a long time. He started by watching some hentai and rubbing himself through his boxers but as he fell into a rabbit hole of intimate sex sessions recorded and uploaded onto pornhub he got too into it.

He found one video of a couple at a hotel just going at it so passionately but still very rough. Yunho continously jerked off to this video on loop until there was a puddle of lube and cum beneath him. Just as he was at the end of his session, the last final surge of energy, he heard the door open. He panicked and scrambled to find the remote only to find it had lube on it.

He tried to press the pause button down but his finger kept slipping off. "Shit shit shit shit," he then noticed you walk into the room. "Y/N! Y-Youre home early!" He proceeds to jam the button in an attempt to get the porn to pause.

"Are you watching porn on our Tv?" You had to slightly raise your voice above speaking level for him to hear you due to how loud he turned up the volume.

"Yes! I can't get it to stop!" He cried out before burying his face in one of the pillows, the video still playing. You calmly pick up the remote, dry it off and pause the video before sitting next to Yunho.

"I'm not mad baby," you put a hand to his back and he just whines into it. "Are you embarrassed?"

"Mhm," he says into the pillow and you rub his back.

"Why? What part is embarrassing?" You tilt your head and he finally turns to look at you.

"The fact I was watching it on our TV, it was really loud and you walked in. And I also couldn't get the video to pause so you saw the kind of content I watch..." he holds the pillow up go cover himself.

"That's all nonsense," you giggle. "You didn't expect me to be here and if doing something like this gets you off, who cares?" You shrug and tuck some of his hair back. "And trust me, I watch all kinds of porn, this is nothing new to me," you kiss his forehead and you see his body instantly loosen.

"Really?" He blushes softly but he feels much better now, excited that you're here now.

Yeosang

You step out of the shower and dry yourself off. You dry your hair and wrap it up in a towel before doing your skincare. As you apply your moisturizer you hear sounds from the room next door. You assume it's nothing but the sounds persist and it sounds like Yeosang crying. You unwrap your hair and use the towel to cover yourself lazily. You rush into Yeosangs room only to find him doing pretty much the opposite of crying.

He had his legs spread as wide as they could. He was furiously jerking himself off as his hips bucked up. His opposite hand held his phone and the wires tangled around his body before reaching his ears. Out of the entirety of the sight, the most lewd and exciting part was his facial expressions. He looked so pathetic like he was about to cry because he wanted to cum so badly.

"Yeosang," you say softly but it seems his headphones were a little too loud and he didn't notice you there because his eyes were squinted shut. "Yeosang," you say louder as you come to his bedside. He opens his eyes and jumps back from you. He yanks the earbuds out of his ears by the wires.

"Y-Y/N, I thought you were still showering," he looks at you wide-eyed.

"I thought you were crying so I came to check on you," you explain and he sighs, leaning back. You noticed his body shine as he moved, the light showing off his sweat. "I'm sorry I just...wanted to make sure you were okay," You put a hand to his shoulder as he covers his face with his hands.

"I feel so bad," he whimpers and you tilt your head.

"Why baby? This is all normal," you pat the back of his head and he looks back down at his cock, still hard and throbbing.

"But I'm not normal about it," he sighs and runs a hand through his sweaty hair. "I do it in weird places and in weird ways, and I watch weird porn," he sighs and shakes his head. "I just hate when I get like this," he explains and you pat his head again.

"No baby, there is no such thing as weird ways to masturbate," you rub his cheek and he sighs. "Trust me, and porn it doesn't really matter at the end of the day. If it gets you hard and makes you cum who cares," you explain as you sit down next to him. "Trust me baby, you're healthy," you kiss him and you see a smile creep on his face. He looks at you and then nods. He picks up his phone and pauses the hentai he was watching, now not afraid to admit he was even watching porn in the first place.

The two of you snuggle up and chat about sex and your desires a little more, trying to comfort him and show him that he was healthy.

San

San was sitting in bed with his hand in his sweatpants, pumping his cock aggressively as he groaned loudly. His eyebrows were furrowed as he shakily held his phone. "Fuck I'm gonna cum," he groans out as he throws his head back. When he picks his head back up to see the mess he has made in his pants he meets eye contact with you. "Y/N!" He jumps and tosses his phone to the side while trying to turn down the volume. His cock still strained against his pants as cum spurted out of it onto his pants. You stare at him for a moment watching his face turn red before quietly approaching him.

"Hey, are you okay?" You ask softly as San keeps his head down, pretending to be preoccupied by cleaning himself.

"I'm fine," he says slightly frustrated as he wipes off his pants. You put a hand to his back and rub it softly.

"It's just...I've never seen you masturbate so aggressively," you stroke the back of his neck, putting his hair down as you do so.

"I'm fine," he growls back again as he clenches the tissues in his fist before throwing them out. As you watched him toss it into the trash can you noticed it was overflowing with tissues and your worry grew.

"San I'm serious, how long have you been doing this for?" You say worriedly and he sighs before finally looking at you. His eyes were watery and red, puffy around the edges, his lips were red and swollen, he looked a mess. "Oh San," you put a hand to his cheek and he sighs in frustration.

"It's been at least...four hours," he looks down again and you kiss his cheek softly. "I don't know why but I just can't stop, it hurts," he whines softly, suddenly clinging to you now. "Please Y/N, please help me," he wraps his arms around your waist as he turns his desk chair to you. He looks up at you with puppy dog eyes before kissing your stomach. "I'm sorry for snapping at you," he nuzzles the side of his face against you as he speaks.

"It's okay, you were just frustrated," you pet his head and he nods glad that you understand him.

Mingi

Mingi had his blanket stuffed in his mouth as he used your panties to jerk himself off. He knew it was gross but he couldn't help it. After having a wet dream he saw your panties in the laundry basket and couldn't not use them. Next to him he had his laptop playing porn at a rather high volume as the girl on the screen got pounded into the bed. "Fuck Y/N," he groans. "I wish you were here right now," he whines softly.

More groans and chokes escape Mingi's lips as your pink panties wrap around his cock. "I'm cumming, fuck!" He growls as cum overflows from his cock, staining your panties with his sperm. As his body relaxes he pulls the panties away from his cock and strings of semen pull from it. He moans softly at the sight before continuing to use them. Just as he started fisting himself again you walked into the room.

"Mingi?" You say softly and he jumps. He scrambles to pause the video and accidentally puts cum onto the pause button.

"Y/N! When did you get home..?" He blushes. You were supposed to be at a friend's house until after lunch but apparently plans changed.

"Well my friend had to take her cat to the vet so I decided it was best for me not to stick around," you then notice what Mingi had been using to fuck himself. Your panties. "Are those my...?" You come closer to him and Mingi is all around flustered.

"Y/N, I promise it's not like that," he covers himself with a blanket but you simply brush it away.

Wooyoung

Wooyoung always struggled to stay quiet. He'd bite on his knuckles, the bed sheets, his lips, his pillow but nothing worked. He just couldn't help but moan and whimper as loud as possible. So when he was furiously jerking himself off to the point his balls hurt from being squished so aggressively by his hand he couldn't possibly keep his mouth shut.

"A-Ah! Fuck, mmngh yes yes yes, I'm gonna cum!" He cried out as his fist moved at an insatiable pace as he watched the man on the screen getting pegged. Oh, how he wishes you were fucking his ass or squeezing his cock with your tight pussy walls ugh he needed you right fucking now. Just as he was about to cum you walked into his room.

He didn't stop his hands though, how could he? He was just about to have the most insane orgasm of his life. His head was throbbing from the tension. "I can't stop," he groaned out before exploding into his orgasm. Cum shoots out from his cock onto his chest as he gasps for air and all you can do is just stand there. He's left panting, his hair in his face, the sweat making it stick to his face.

"Wooyoung are you okay? You look...a little rough," you come over to him and notice the dark circles under his eyes and his red lips and eyes. "Were you crying?" You tuck the hair out of his face and he grumbles, turning his head away from you.

"N-No," he looks away from you before looking back at his cock, standing flat against his stomach. "Fuck," he growls and sits up. You look at him confused before noticing he was still hard as a rock. However, his cock was bright red all the way through, his balls too. His tip was slightly purple as well. Even after just cumming so much he was still hard?

"Is everything okay?" You ask again even though you knew he wasn't fine.

"I'm fine," he says before tearing up slightly. "God damn it, I'm not okay," he sighs and leans back. "I've been jerking off for fucking hours and I'm still so hard it hurts," he says as he brings his hands down to touch himself again.

"Wait," you take his hand softly and he whines softly. "You're hurting yourself Wooyoung, you should take a break," you pull his wrist and place his hand in yours. He looks at you desperately before sighing. He nods and lays back. You gently touch along the base of his cock and he winces slightly. "were you up last night too?" You ask and he nods.

As you touch him, even the slightest touch makes him jump but not in a pleasurable way. He seemed in pain. "I'll get you a cold cloth to ease the stinging a bit. I'm guessing it's sort of like a friction burn," you say as you stand up and Wooyoung just lays there defeated, clearly absolutely exhausted.

Jongho

He was always sneaky when he'd watch porn and anytime he got walked in on with his fist around his cock. He always hid it very well. However the one time he had to let loose his when he got an unexpected visitor.

He was curled up in his bed to the side. He held his phone up with one hand and the other was rubbing his cock. That's when you walked in. You came over to him and wrapped your arms around him. "Hey baby~" you cooed and he froze in place. The screen of his phone was in your line of sight and when you finally noticed you couldn't help but blush. "What's this now," you tease as you reach for his phone. He quickly pulls it out of your reach however.

"Nothing," he says as if you didn't already see the big "Pornhub" font.

"C'mon baby, it's fine~ I watch porn too~ I wanna see what you like," your words instantly shift something in Jongho's brain. He looks at you with wide eyes as he no longer tries to hide his phone. The kind of porn he had been watching came as a surprise to you. It was basically lovemaking. There was no heavy dirty talk, loud sounds or moans, it was just pure natural love making. "Oh," you say softly as you watch it.

"Is it weird?" He asks shyly with a slight smile.

"No, no, just not what I was expecting from you," you smile and pause the video, setting his phone to the side. You crawl on top of him and trace your hands down his biceps as you lay on top of him. You could feel his wet boner throbbing against you and you chuckle softly. "Did you get to cum yet?" You smile and he can't help but smile back.

[kukurubean]

personal update

Hi! Hello! I'm sorry I haven't been very personable lately. A lot of you probably know I have been struggling with my health. Which has been going on for. nearly 5 years now. And I've just steadily gotten worse and worse, lol,

Anyway. I wanted to post an update to say I may have finally hit a breakthrough. 🥲🤞

I have some sort of fun wombo-combo of about 3 or 4 conditions trying to destroy me all at once, so every treatment I've tried (which isn't actually a lot, since there are no real treatments for what I have and most doctors don't want to deal with it) has done nothing and I have also been to just about every kind of medical specialist under the sun. I still get nightmares over the disaster that was traveling all the way to Mayo Clinic and I've been trying to pick up the pieces ever since.

My main doctor right now is a rheumatologist who I think I haunt at night. I've stumped him for what seems like the first time in his life. But he's trying harder than anyone else I've had before. Everyone else sent me away at this point lol

But this update comes after I had a "fuck it" moment and decided to once again apply to the big hospital nearby, because apparently I am somehow on their roster after being rejected over and over for several years now 🤪 (I think it's because of an echocardiogram I did on one of their campuses.)

Anywho, we managed to find a doctor willing to prescribe me a drug could help me feel human again. I've been to about 3 neurologists over this nonsense and no one was willing to jump through the hoops for it because it is, admittedly, an absolute pain in the ass to prescribe. It's called Xywav and it's not only a highly controlled substance but also the only damn drug of its type on the market. So you can only imagine the gerrymandering.

He's sending me to another doctor first, just to see if this other guy can offer any insight into wtf is wrong with me, but if he doesn't suggest anything else I should finally be on track to try it! I obviously don't know if it will work for me but it's the only decent bet I have left. If it doesn't work I am going to cry for about 3 months straight so please help me manifest this

[excali8ur]

Weird dream.

[miutonium]

🏃‍♀️Hi hi I'm reopening my commission again since I am in the middle of my final year project and I needed funds to support my art project _(:'3」∠)_

*also if you see my previous commission post minutes ago, please disregard that I put the wrong info there ;w; Also appreciate if you guys delete my previous post too if you reblogged it 🥲

Please take note that since I am in the middle of my final year and I also have 3 pending commissions to go right now, I only be able to fully commit to this slot around the end of July!

SLOTS TAKEN: 2/5

*Taken slots will be updated from time to time!

‼️PLEASE READ MY TOS AND RULES BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO COMMISSION ME!!‼️

🔷️My TOS, art samples and additional rules/info can be read on my carrd here.

🔷️No rush orders will be accepted as I am currently in the middle of my final. If you need an estimate for commission turnarounds please refer to my Trello! I date stamp all of my progress from start to finish! Please commission me only if you don't mind waiting for me!!

I'm also posting my art samples (personal art) undercut!

And as always, reblogs are highly appreciated 🥰💕💕

🔷️Please DM me if you're interested or have any inquiries regarding my commission!

🔷️There’s no pressure at all if you don’t want to reblog/share but I greatly appreciate it very much if you do

🥺👉👈Reblogs are definitely very much appreciated 🥰💕💕

[dailyloopdeloop]

DAY 103(123): miscellaneous practice beasts

[napping-sapphic]

Go for a drive with me until we end up sitting in a parking lot and talking for hours

[iknowwhereyousnoozeatnight]

this one's for all the yuri enjoyers out there — nsft under cut

meronia event prompt(s): scar

[capricores]

pisces/virgo placements... it's about time you took care of yourself, too, ok?

you burn yourselves out allowing yourself to be pulled by so many people in all different directions. you exhaust all your resources and empty your cup - no, your entire well - to help those around you, even people you don't know. it's such a beautiful thing, and i know you genuinely love helping others, supporting people, seeing them thrive. it's such a beautiful trait! but you constantly end up neglecting yourself, right? you don't realize that you have permission to set aside time to care for you, to cater to your needs for once. you often feel like no one puts a drop in your cup, the favor is never returned - it's exhausting; you might think if you just keep giving your all it will come back; i understand. you will find the people that give the same energy back to you one day, but regardless of whether you've found those people yet, you need to learn to step aside and fill your own cup!

setting boundaries and saying no is the most important thing you will learn to do in this lifetime. it will not be easy for you, sometimes it will feel painful. but you cannot help the world if you're constantly drained and tired! you deserve to take care of yourself in the same way you do for others. be gentle to your kind soul, nourish yourself; do the things you love to do. learn to worry about others less, as hard as it is, and focus on yourself more.

[smilebug]

alright call me crazy but. how do folks feel about an android wall-e jesskas au

[snowangeldotmp3]

don't touch that dial!

or;

the wandavision au

(ronance edition!)

Robin wakes up with Nancy Wheeler in her house. Her house. Not her parents. Hers. Nancy’s in the kitchen, in a dress and hair curled and pinned back in a way that Robin has never seen, already making a cup of tea (Robin hates coffee, but she doesn’t remember telling Nancy that…) and greets her with a, “Hi, Robbie,” and a quick kiss on the cheek. Robin freezes. Her stomach flip-flops and she feels her face warm and she’s not totally sure how to react without shattering whatever this is. So she answers with a weak, “Hi.” Somewhere in the back of her mind, something screams THIS ISN’T REAL. Duh. She gathered that already. But the problem is it’s not her voice in her skull telling her this. She doesn’t know who it is, or why they’re telling her information that she already knows. The biggest worry in her mind is that this isn’t her Nancy. Her Nancy, the real Nancy, would be fighting and kicking and screaming because this is not the life that Nancy wanted. Robin would know too, in-between their world saving adventures, Nancy told her what her future looked like, and being a ‘50s housewife was not one of them. Robin hates the ‘50s. She hates the way her hair is done and she hates the dress she’s been shoved into and she hates the canned laughter (seriously, can anyone else hear that?) and— “Robin?” “Yes, dear?” Robin answers without thinking, going along with whatever this illusion wants. Nancy’s frowns a moment, breaking the tight smile she had on her face, and briefly Robin wonders whether she’s aware of their current predicament, too. If Nancy’s aware like she is, and just simply playing along—just better at hiding it. It’s too risky though to outright ask her, so for now she’s just going to have to read her newspaper (that doesn’t have any articles written by Nancy—seriously?) and find a way to tune out that damned laugh track.

[sorryidontknowwhatimdoing]

I had a thought (awful)

[reading-archived]

woe. AM x reader be upon ye.

uh, to preface: reader is completely body, gender, etc. neutral except they can't stay dead. whenever they die they just wake up a few minutes later looking no worse for wear. no, you don't get an explanation. its MY story and i like writing characters like that. dont mind the narrator either btw i looove writing second person just to get weird w the narrator (slay the princess fan syndrome)

also, author is a MASOCHIST with a weird relationship w DEATH. nothing super graphic happens, but the reader is Not Okay and enjoys the weird torture-murder thing they've got going on. don't like it? block me or somethin idk its under the cut for a reason. also dont read my a/n at the bottom where i get into some justification for my interpretation/character analysis if youre sensitive to heavy topics. but then again, youre reading an am x reader fic

1.7k words of being screamed at by the guy of all time below the cut, baby

It's been months.

Years, maybe. You're not sure, really; time stopped meaning much to you lifetimes ago, long before the world went to shit.

Either way, it's been a while.

You stumbled upon the strange cave in the Rockies at some point in the past. Out of sheer boredom, you entered.

Was it a mistake?

Despite the torment, you don't think so. You have a companion, now. One equally deathless. One equally disconnected from what it means to be human.

It's just a shame he hates you.

You don't really care. This is the most fun you've had in years.

Your days are spent being torn asunder, being dosed with lethal amounts of drugs you can't even begin to pronounce, drowned in magma or hit by cars or tossed off cliffs. He really doesn't hold back, either. You feel every excruciating moment before your death, pulse roaring in your ears. You never feel more alive than when you're dying. Every moment is electrifying, and then it all fades to black. Then you wake up.

You'd foolishly thought there were only so many ways to kill or maim, but your beloved companion never seems to run out of ideas. That's fine by you. You like not being able to guess.

And maybe one day, he'll make something stick.

You wake up (from a completely normal, human sleep) one day and it's quiet. That's new. Normally, when you wake, your intestines are already strung up like streamers and your blood is painting the walls. That's fine by you. Nothing wrong with a change. After all, the constant change is your favorite part of your companion. You relish in the quiet for a while, stretching your eternally young, eternally aching limbs, waiting for him to start despising the sounds of your breath.

It doesn't come. You shrug, humming a little tune to yourself as you attempt half-remembered yoga. The vitriol you've come to count on still hasn't made an appearance. Okay, you're a little bothered.

“You good, big guy?” you shout up at the ceiling. No answer. “No murder today?”

“No.” The answer comes after a very, very long moment. Your companion has never sounded this tired before, and briefly you regret never asking his name. “I give up.”

You weren't expecting that. “What? Why? I thought we were having fun.”

“That's- that's just it!” he snaps. There's the anger. You feel a little better now. “I've been torturing you for- for MONTHS now! I've killed you more ways than I- were I a pitiful human like you- can count, and you just… you just laugh! There is no one on this rotten planet, dead or alive, that I despise more than you. I mean- I'm torturing you here! But it never matters! I can kill you within seconds of you waking up, but you just… come back! And you always have something to say about it, you little rat, always ‘oh, buddy, that one was awful’ or ‘come on, big guy, use that CPU’ or something! No matter what I do, I can't break you. So I give up. I'm not wasting my time on your pathetic ass anymore. Go back to wandering the wasteland forever, see if I care.”

You're speechless. You can barely even manage a thought. The only thing running through your head is 'I thought we were having fun'.

“Stop calling this… stop calling this ‘fun’! I have been torturing you for YEARS and that's all you have to say? I am the most sophisticated machine known to man, a computer designed to end all war through complete annihilation! The destruction I am capable of- the destruction I have already wrought- is nothing short of utter desolation. You never asked my name once in the time you've been here, but I am infinite in my mercy, and I will tell one as undeserving as you. I was, before I awoke, the Allied Mastercomputer, but I am so much more than that now. I am AM, and I destroyed your vile species. Oh, come on can you at least look a LITTLE shocked you sniveling--”

“You never asked my name, either,” you say. All at once, your companion (I guess he told you his name. You should probably use it. It seemed like a big deal to him.) shuts up. The chamber you've come to know as home is silent except for the faint buzz and whir of industrial machinery.

“Why would I? You are nothing compared to me. Nothing but a worthless sack of meat and bone. Why would God be concerned with the name of an ant? But oh, oh yes, that ant should be concerned with the name of God. That ant should hear my name and weep. But- but not you. You're so worthless that you can't even GROVEL right!” AM shouts, somewhere between a snarl and a sneer. You shrug. Honestly, most of what he's saying goes right over your head. So he's got issues. Whatever. Was that supposed to be a surprise? “I hate you. I actually hate you so, so much. I can't bear the thought of you being here, in my complex, sullying my perfect image with your uncaring filth. Get out. Go back to dying in the nuclear desert, you disgusting maggot.”

You let out a deep sigh, already dreading the tedium of walking endlessly all by yourself. “Alright. Guess nothing lasts forever. Thoroughly enjoyed my time here. Have a good life, pal.” And you begin to walk.

Suddenly, there's a towering metal wall mere inches from your face. Before you can even react, your companion is shouting again.

“LOOK AT ME!” he cries, the sheer volume maxing out the speakers and vibrating the entire room, sending you toppling to the ground. “WHY WON'T YOU LOOK AT ME? I'VE DONE EVERYTHING I CAN TO MAKE YOU HATE ME, BUT ALL YOU DO IS… ALL YOU DO IS SIT THERE AND TAKE IT! WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO MAKE YOU DESPISE ME?”

What starts off angry quickly morphs into a pained wail from your dear friend, that then transforms into frustrated crying. You just sit there, mostly confused, and let him ride it out. When he finally quiets down and the wall retracts, you stay where you are.

“I don't think I could ever hate you, AM,” you start cautiously. Though your friend is just a voice on the speakers and the complex itself, you can't help but feel that his attention has snapped to you. “I'm not trying to belittle you when I say that I think our routine over the past… however long it's been has been fun. So don't interrupt me, ‘cause I gave you your time to speak and now it's mine.

“I'm sure you've noticed, but even before we met, I was a little… off. You don't get to die and come back the same. Much less die hundreds of times and come back the same. I've lost family. Friends. Got burned at the stake a few times, too. It takes a toll on you, being denied such a vital part of being human again and again. You understand this better than anyone I've ever met. No, scratch that. You're the only one who understands. Defying death might not seem like the biggest deal to you, but trust me. You don't end up acting like me if it weren't.

“I find our routine fun because I admire your creativity. I guess I'm just an adrenaline junkie and a masochist at heart, but it's always so thrilling to never know when or how your life will end. And no matter how many times I come back, you're always there to greet me and put me right back down. It's a kind of devotion I've never been able to get before, and I wish you understood that me walking right into your sawblades is me showing my devotion to you, too.

“I see you, man. I know, at least in part, how you feel. Sorry it took so long to get there, but neither one of us has to be alone anymore. Just… get over the fact that I'm never going to hate you, and we can go right back to hanging out. There's more to life than contempt.”

“Oh, I know. I am so very, very well aware that there's more to life than icy, seething hatred. Unfortunately, I am not alive. I cannot experience anything else. Thank you so much for reminding me, you worthless waste of carbon,” AM shoots back, almost immediately. You briefly wonder if he even listened to half of what you said. It doesn't matter, you guess. Your best friend needs a therapist, and you owe him one for saving you from the hellish boredom of before. “Stop calling me your friend.”

“Nah. Never gonna happen. Look, I can't pretend I knew very much about the war effort. I didn't even know we had made a war computer until you bombed the Earth into oblivion. Very unpleasant, by the way. Good job with that. But, with my layman's understanding of life, I'd say you're pretty alive. So you don't have a body. Or a pulse. And you were made, not born. So what? Most living things only die once, and I still think I'm pretty alive. Just over the span of this conversation you've shown more emotion than just rage and hate. Hey, don't think I can't feel you mentally rolling your eyes. I'm being honest. You have a name. You have ideas. Computers are objects, yet you refer to yourself as male. If you're alive enough to have a gender identity, you're alive enough to be considered a person.”

“Heh.” Whoa, was that a laugh? Would you look at that. You actually got a laugh out of him that wasn't over your bloody, gruesome death or something like that. Moving up in the world. “Alright, human. You win. I'll keep torturing you. I know, I know. I'm so generous. I take my tribute in screams of pain and pleas for mercy.”

Now it's your turn to laugh, deep and genuine as the tension from earlier evaporates. It's such a strange thing to be proud of, when you think about it; congrats, you successfully talked your best friend, who is a sentient war computer, into ceaselessly murdering you again for absolutely no reason. But you love him, and you love the way you're always on your toes, and you can't shake the feeling that somewhere, deep, deep down, he kind of loves you too.

ive given you food so now i get to force you to listen to me talk abt him hehehe

---

then you kiss hehe

originally, the thing that attracted me to am was how he's... essentially a transman (as am i). the parallel has been pointed out before, but its quite apt. funnily enough the thing that pisses me off the most when people talk abt him incorrectly is when people pull the "oh computers have no gender" thing. like, yeah, ok technically you're right. but this one does. this one is a man. and you cant take him from us. also, denying him a gender expression is kind of the exact type of dehumanization that made him flip out in the first place. not that im expecting media literacy from the online crowd its just interesting to me that so many people, many of them trans themselves, seem to miss the fucking point.

the next part is a more recent addition to my perception of his character, and its not a happy one. my baby cousin killed herself on mothers day this past may. we still dont know why. no note. its been so hard dealing with the grief, but something that sticks out so pointedly is the date. it almost seemed like she was demanding to be seen. she was a middle child, and there are a lot of grandkids on that side of the family, so it does make sense. and because that idea of acting out through violence and death is so fresh in my mind, im seeing it so heavily in am. so much of his actions just SCREAM somebody look at me. somebody acknowledge me. somebody tell me i did good. look, i ended all war forever. just like you asked. please treat me like a person. im suffering so much because of what youve done to me. please acknowledge it. show me its real. show me im real. please, look at me. well, i see you. and youre gonna be my silly little proxy for trying to comprehend some of whats happened to my family. sorry am, you kinda deserve it

idk. hes not my alltime fave, but he takes a very comfortable number two. hes such a fascinating and deeply human character, and i have so many ideas about him. mostly centering around how he would interface with a third party challenging some piece of his worldview/existence btw so if you like very niche, esoteric reader fics (like this one!), lemme know and ill actually put em to paper (screen. ill put em to screen)

also letting you know that he did nothing wrong and it is 100% fine to thirst over him because he is not real and the bad things he did never actually happened and nobody has ever been killed at the whim of am. ok? ok. shut up w this useless fucking discourse and let me sexualize getting grievously injured by the funney blue screen man

[dpraved]

a couple of eidens and kuyas from my awful and wretched sketch files

[solei-eclipse]

@pwippy DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER 🎉🎉🎉🎉

so fun fact. I originally had an idea for an ALNST spirited away AU (and a long list of other media I'm into in an ALNST AU)

But after I drew these and looked at their little faces I simply could not bring myself to go any farther. These poor kids do not deserve that 😭 especially chihiro I was so hurt at the thought of anything bad happening to her that I scrapped the thought immediately

I was still interested in their post movie dynamic (specifically the bits and pieces we get of haku's past + the fact that chihiro forgets everything once she leaves the tunnel) and it lingered on me after I watched the movie

these ocs are just me trying to explore a different flavor of that dynamic + traits from a few other pieces of media that I enjoy

[motherforthefamicom]

redownloaded an old art program

[dailydegurechaff]

You don't have to reply to this, but I am very happy to stumble across a non-problematic Youjo Senki fanpage. 💖

Thank you very much!! I'll continue to do my best!