#ARIMA AND 240

[bloodblanks]

the sun will always rise again [kaneki ken x reader]

In an alternate timeline where despite his defeat by Arima, Kaneki retains his memories, and during his imprisonment in Cochlea, meets you instead.

author's note: this fanfiction will contain mature content, including explicit sexual acts, kidnapping, mentions of violence, and similar themes.

additional notes: this was supposed to be a yandere (prisoner 240) kaneki x reader but he turned out extremely soft. warning you right now that this is also the least sexy smut i’ve ever written and kaneki just cries for the vast majority of it. sorry in advance tehe...

please read at your own discretion.

this work has not yet been proofread.

Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.

Those words were the ones that resonated the hardest with Kaneki when he read Les Misérables, the book you lent him. After all, the nights in his cell were long, cold, and lonely. And so, to him, you were like the rising sun; the first ray of light to grace his eyes when he woke up the next day. The beam of luminescence that shone through the dense, smothering darkness shrouding his days.

Prisoner 240 was what the wardens and investigators stopping by would refer to him as. It was as if his name was forgotten, his identity erased and reduced to mere numbers. He couldn’t help but wonder if that was all he would be remembered as, when he eventually dies in this desolate, forsaken place. If he was even remembered at all, that is. More likely than not, he would just be a case file stored away in the vast archive of the CCG. And all that would remain of him—the fact that he ever existed—would be old, yellowing documents.

As time passed, Kaneki slowly began to accept that would be the harsh reality he’d endure. The bleakness of his situation and the grief weighing heavily on his heart were the source of many sleepless nights, ones where he’d ceaselessly cry, lamenting the tragedy that was his life. His eyes were not only irritated but also beginning to show signs of infection from all the scratching and rubbing he’d uncontrollably inflict. Any food that was brought to him was left untouched. He simply didn’t have an appetite. Eventually, the hunger settled into a dull ache accompanied by nausea, and he could feel his body begin to weaken, the mere act of standing up becoming straining.

“Kaneki?” It had been so long since he heard the sound of his own name, he almost didn’t recognize that you were speaking to him. It was only when you repeated his name a second time that he tentatively turned his head towards the source of the unfamiliar voice.

He momentarily felt disappointed when he couldn’t see anyone, only the heavy steel door that served to confine him. He felt foolish for thinking he would see anyone inside; the door hadn’t been opened since he arrived. Any conversations—or rather, interrogations—took place with the door in between, and any food was brought through the flap at the bottom of the door.

But then he saw the top of your head, your eyes peeking at him through the small windowpane, the knuckles of your hand softly rapping against the reinforced glass.

“Can I come in?” you asked.

He agreed.

—

Kaneki quickly learned your name. He learned that you weren’t an investigator, but rather a newly hired staff member to assist in rehabilitation. Almost like a therapist, you had explained with a soft laugh. He learned that he appreciated the sound of your laughter, the tune of your voice. It was the closest thing to music that he could hear.

He learned that you, too, liked to read. Upon the mention of literature and discovering his interest, you offered to lend him some of your books. It was the only thing someone had provided him since he was brought here, excluding the food that he didn’t have an appetite for.

“I want you to eat, though,” you had insisted. “You can’t read anything if you starve yourself to death.”

He ate. He slowly regained his strength, your company motivating him to continue getting through the days. Continue surviving in this world.

He didn’t have the ability to keep track of time, but he learned that you visited him every day in the morning, not long after he would wake up. This quickly became a routine that he would look forward to, the only thoughts on his mind before he fell asleep being ones of seeing you the next day.

It was far too late for Kaneki when he realized what he felt for you was more than just appreciation and gratefulness. More than just platonic admiration and enjoyment of mutual, shared interests. More than even just a crush; the budding blossoms of childlike adoration having already bloomed into a garden of unadulterated infatuation.

By the time he learned of his own emotions, he had already sunken too deep, drowning in a sea of longing and desire for you. Perhaps it would’ve been more accurate to describe it as quicksand—any attempts at barricading his feelings or struggling against them only served to further strengthen them. The more he thought about you, the more he thought about how he shouldn’t want you, the more he found himself miserably flailing in a bottomless pit of coveting.

“Kaneki.” You were sitting on his bed as you spoke. There wasn’t much furniture in his room, so during your interactions, you preferred to just sit on his bed. It’s not exactly professional, you had told him the first time you kicked off your shoes, sitting cross-legged on his mattress. But I don’t like to stand, and I doubt they’ll bother me about it too much, as long as I’m still doing my job. “Have you figured out what you want to do yet?”

He had been standing next to the bed as he always did. Despite the overwhelming urge to get closer to you, to sit next to you, he always held himself back. You were just doing your job, after all. While you were kind to him, it was impossible that you would genuinely care for him.

For even if only partially, he was still a ghoul.

He knew what you were referring to; you had mentioned that the CCG would like for him to join them as an investigator. It was something he was extremely reluctant about. While he didn’t inherently disagree with the CCG’s existence, he struggled with the idea of having to turn against his friends, the place he once thought of as ‘home.’ To some extent, he still considered it that, but he wasn’t sure how much of it was even left. It was a thought he tried his best not to dwell on.

While joining the CCG itself was a conflicting choice to make, there was something else that he couldn’t help but wonder, ever since you mentioned the subject.

What would happen to us?

How ludicrous of him; he was nothing but a patient to you. He couldn’t—shouldn’t—be thinking of more. The mere notion of having anything with you was something forbidden, something sinful.

And yet, simply conceptualizing his days without your company was enough to overwhelm him with a debilitating fear.

The question had been plaguing his mind ever since you first mentioned the subject. No matter how hard he tried to ignore it, the constant terror of losing you was gnawing away at the recesses of his sick, twisted mind.

It seemed as though he wasn’t the sole person feeling unsettled. As you waited for his answer, he noticed the way your gaze was more intently fixated on him than usual, the way your fingernails were anxiously picking at the skin around your thumbs.

“Is something wrong?” he asked, though as much as he should’ve, he wasn’t expecting the answer you gave him.

“You need to join them.” Your voice was low and tense, almost as if you were afraid of the words themselves. As you spoke, you averted your gaze, a visible frown forming on your usually cheerful face. “They’re getting impatient. I’ve been trying to buy you more time, but if they deem you to be useless, then...”

He didn’t need you to finish your sentence to know what you were referring to. He should’ve seen it coming, but he was too distracted by you. He foolishly blinded himself with your light, temporarily forgetting the darkness he resided in.

“What happens to us?” The words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop himself. He internally cursed himself for daring to ask such a thing. He had no right.

Still, the words had been said, and all he could do was wait for your response, the individual seconds seeming to stretch on for an eternity each.

“We might pass by each other in the offices, but other than that, I doubt we’ll be interacting much.” Your words were nothing short of dreadful to him, and he didn’t want to hear the rest of what you had to say, but he had no choice. “My work with you will be considered ‘concluded,’ and they’ll assign me another person to work with. I suppose we could speak outside of work hours, but I don’t really know enough about investigative work to say for sure. From what I’ve observed, the investigators seem pretty preoccupied with their work, and their hours seem different from mine, too... Ah, sorry for rambling,” you said with a soft laugh. What once was a pleasant melody to him now only served to increase his torment as he realized even that was being taken away from him.

The reason for him to wake up every morning. The peace he needed to fall asleep each evening. The sole ray of sunshine to grace his days of somber solitude.

Without the sun to rise back up again, would he be plunged back into the abyss?

No, he couldn’t accept that. He couldn’t accept losing the comfort of your company, he couldn’t accept losing the warmth of your smile, the chime of your laugh. He had already experienced the way the other investigators treated him, the way they looked at him. He knew what they thought of him, and he knew their opinions would never change.

You were the only one to treat him like a person. He had lost enough in his life. He couldn’t lose this—he couldn’t lose you, too.

“No,” he whispered, his body riddled with terror. “No, you can’t—”

“I’m sorry, Kaneki,” you sighed, glancing at him with a wistful smile. “I don’t have much of a say in this.”

“No,” his voice was louder this time, though you were clearly able to hear the trembling in his pitch as he spoke, for your eyes widened in surprise. And in contrast to the way his hands were shaking, his mind was made up and unwavering. “I’m sorry.”

—

Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.

That’s what Kaneki kept telling himself, repeating the words over and over in his head like a mantra. But even the sun, as majestic and benevolent as it was, was bound to burn out one day. Scientists estimated that the sun would die in about five billion years, but it felt as if the rays of light engulfing his world had already perished.

Despite the dim, dingy atmosphere in his cell, your smile had always been enough to light up the small room. Now, with the sun having set into the clouds, the sky’s vermillion tint being stained by darkness, would your presence still provide the same glowing luminescence that it used to?

Kaneki couldn’t help but ponder that question, ruminating over it again and again as he gently laid you on his bed, careful not to wake you. As much as he wanted to deny it, as much as he wanted to convince himself otherwise, all the thinking he did only brought him back to one conclusion—sunlight would no longer reach his world.

And it’s all your fault, his own mind told him. You ruined everything. Because you’re selfish. Because you’re weak. Because you’re a coward.

No, he furiously shook his head, as if trying to physically expel those thoughts from his own mind. It’s not my fault, it’s not my fault... I did what I had to do! I had no other choice!

As he finished dusting off the last of the furniture in his bedroom, he glanced up towards you. You were still asleep, your expression eerily peaceful as you rested. Almost as if this was just another evening for you. As if you were just sleeping at home. As if he hadn’t rendered you unconscious and escaped Cochlea, bringing your inanimate body back to his former apartment—an abandoned and dilapidated space.

Upon seeing the serenity displayed over your features, he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of guilt, the doubts in his mind getting louder. You’ll never see her like that again, he unwittingly told himself.

Next time she looks at you, she’ll see you for what you really are—

As soon as that thought came to his mind, he could feel his chest being set ablaze, his ribcage serving as firewood for the flames that licked at the cavity of his heart. Similar to the sensation of smoke clogging up his lungs caused the mere act of breathing to become difficult. Kaneki grasped at his own chest. The thought of digging it inside out tempted him, though he knew his efforts would be fruitless. Instead, he desperately clasped his hands over his own ears in a futile attempt to shut out his own thoughts.

No. I’m not a monster!

“—’m not, I’m not—” His words were barely coherent; a string of frantic mumbles spilling past his lips in between trembling breaths and violent gasps. The tears welling up in his eyes distorted his vision, though he paid no mind. Instead, his focus was on repeating the same phrase, as if each utterance of the statement would make it more true. “—not a monster, not a monster, not a monster—”

Then, what do you think she’ll see you as? Do you truly believe she’ll think of you the same way?

Kaneki’s hands shook incessantly, the grip of his fingers tightening as he fought to silence his own mind. Though the tears finally escaped past his waterline and splashed down his pale cheeks, his sight remained a blur, newborn teardrops continuing to glaze over his eyes as he vehemently sobbed.

“E-Even the darkest night will end,” he wheezed, the words barely able to make it past the hard lump that had formed at the back of his throat. His hands instinctively went to his eyes, harshly and hastily wiping away the tears that had left streaks down the sides of his cheeks. He forcefully rubbed at them, though the same instant he did so, the memory of all the times you comforted him—helping him calm his tears—instantly struck him, alongside the knowledge that he would likely never experience that again.

And it was all his fault.

The same phrase from the book you initially lent him was now being chanted much like a prayer, though he wasn’t sure what he was praying for, or to whom. “—and the sun will rise. Even the darkest night—”

“Kaneki?” As soon as he heard your voice, he froze. He wanted to explain himself, he wanted to beg for your forgiveness, he wanted to— “Why are you crying?”

Reminiscent of the first time you had called his name, the words once again almost failed to register. But as the seconds passed, and he finally consciously recognized what you were saying, he couldn’t help but feel a spark of hope reigniting in his chest.

Foolish, he could hear his own thoughts reverberate within the chamber of his mind. She just woke up; she clearly hasn’t realized what you’ve done. But when she does...

A fresh wave of terror washed over Kaneki’s body, the blood in his veins seemingly having turned to ice. For a moment, all he could hear was the throbbing of his own pulse, each beat seeming to send ripples through his skull. The tightness in his chest appeared to worsen, almost as if his body was a wet rag being twisted in someone’s fists. Despite his inability to form coherent sentences or will his body to move, the tears in his eyes never stopped their cascading, small puddles forming on the floor directly below his chin, where fresh droplets would splash against.

His body quaked with each sob, trembling as if the weight of his wrongdoings was simply too much to hold up.

“What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” you asked, prompting Kaneki to finally raise his head and look directly at you. He could see you rubbing your eyelids as you propped yourself up into a sitting position, and he could see the way your gaze quickly scanned the room you were in. You definitely had realized what had happened now, and any concern you had for him was surely gone.

He wasn’t far from you—just a few feet away from the bed, a distance which he hurried to close without thinking, stumbling forward to wrap his arms around your body. His knees harshly collided against the floor as he knelt by the bed, his face buried in your sternum as he desperately clung onto you.

The words came out rushed and unfiltered as he babbled; a coalescence of anguished pleas and tormented wails.

“I’m sorry!” With his lips barely a centimetre away from the fabric of your clothes, his voice was relatively muffled, making it harder to distinguish his already garbled speech. “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry! Please—” Forgive me, he wanted to say. But did he even have the right to ask for something like that? Kaneki quickly discarded the thought, taking in a sharp, quivering inhale as he started a different sentence instead. “I know what I did was wrong. I know I shouldn’t have, but... I was just so scared. I was afraid I’d lose you—”

When Kaneki felt you shifting your arm, trying to tug it out of his grip, he knew he had both irrevocably and irreparably fucked up. His grip around you loosened for a moment, the overwhelming feeling of defeat causing him to second guess himself. Maybe this wasn’t the right decision. Maybe he should’ve just suppressed his urges. He would still be able to see you around the workplace, even if it wasn’t often. He would still be able to enjoy your company, even if you never returned the extent of his feelings.

Maybe then, the sun would still rise.

“The foolish Icarus forsook his guide,” he whispered, his voice barely audible, “and, bold in vanity, began to soar, rising upon his wings to touch the skies.” Another strangled sob left his vocal cords, the following lines playing through his head. But as he neared the scorching sun, its heat softened the fragrant wax that held his plumes; and heat increasingly melted the soft wax—he waved his naked arms instead of wings, with no more feathers to sustain his flight.

“Where are you?” you mumbled, your arm slipping out from his weakened grip. “In what place shall I seek you, Icarus?”

Kaneki was still registering your words when he felt a light touch to the back of his head, the sensation instantly causing his body to tense. Of course, you couldn’t actually inflict any harm on him, but the unforeseen action still startled him. He couldn’t tell what you were doing or why you were doing it, something that made him both anxious and hopeful.

As pathetic and unrealistic as it was, he couldn’t help but hope that maybe the fact that you hadn’t pulled away yet or screamed at him meant that you wouldn’t reject him.

So, when your palm and fingers lightly smoothed down the back of his hair, not just once, but twice, three times, and continuing—the embers of yearning only intensified, his impious desires burning bright like his shame.

“There’s nothing for you to be scared of.” Your voice was so gentle, so soothing, that he could only think of one thing. I must be hallucinating. “You aren’t losing me. I’m not going anywhere.”

For a brief moment, Kaneki was rendered speechless. Everything you had just said was everything he wanted to hear, so much so that he couldn’t bring himself to believe it.

“But I—” he stammered, struggling to finish his sentence, “I—” He knew very well what he did. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to say his actions out loud, for if he didn’t, it would be easier to pretend otherwise. Though, he wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince you, or himself.

“—It’s okay,” you interrupted him, saving him from the need to finish his sentence. “I understand. I’m not upset at you.”

“You’re lying!” Kaneki shouted, his arms wrapped around you tensing with his sudden agitation. “You’re... You’re just saying that. You don’t mean it!”

He noticed the way you flinched at the sudden raise of his voice and the guilt came flooding back, as if someone had directly injected it into his bloodstream. He hadn’t meant to scare you; that was the last thing he wanted to do. As much as he coveted your acceptance and affection, he simultaneously feared it. If something seemed too good to be true, then it usually was. That lesson had cost him a lot to learn.

Despite knowing that it would be far more reasonable to doubt your words, Kaneki so desperately wanted to believe them. He wanted to believe that—even for a second—he could be forgiven. He could be cared for. He could be loved.

What a pitiful creature he was.

“I’m sorry,” And so the apologies came spilling again, a deluge of miserable excuses rushing past his lips. “I didn’t mean to scare you... I didn’t mean to...” His voice came out feeble and small, the continuous watering of his eyes sure to have soaked through the fabric of your top by now.

“This isn’t what I wanted... I just wanted to be with you. I just wanted us to be happy together. I know it’s wrong, but,” he sniffled as he lamented away, “but you’re all I have! What else was I supposed to do?”

His voice was strained with despair as he wailed, his weeping becoming louder while his breathing quickened, growing frantic as he felt that oxygen was no longer reaching his lungs. In between panicked inhales, he managed to choke out the words, “I’m so sorry...”

“It’s okay, Kaneki,” you whispered, the rhythmic feeling of your fingers stroking his hair continuing to repeat as you spoke. “Try to steady your breathing—everything is okay.”

Your words were so reassuring, so much of everything that he had ever hoped for, that he couldn’t help but seek for more.

“No, that’s not true,” he protested, wanting nothing more than to receive more validation from you. You should be ashamed of yourself, his mind said. And he was; he was deeply ashamed. Still, he couldn’t bring himself to act otherwise. Weak, his own voice replied, you can’t control your own impulses. And look what happened. “You... You really just hate me, don’t you?”

“And why would I hate you?” What left your lips was a question, but you surely knew the answer. Were you just trying to make him say it? Force him to admit what he had done wrong? Perhaps you were punishing him. But he deserved it, didn’t he?

“Because—” he croaked, trying his best to expel the words from his throat. “Because I’m a monster!”

“Kaneki,” When you said his name, he braced himself for the pain of rejection, but it never came. “You’re not a monster, and I don’t hate you.”

He had to be dreaming. He had to. But the tenderness of your hand caressing his hair, the warmth of your body held in his arms, and the lingering scent of your fragrance mixed with the dried scent of rust where some blood had accidentally splattered over you earlier that day—all of it was too vivid, too visceral to be fiction.

Moments passed with the both of you still, the only evidence that time hadn’t stopped right then and there being the steady pulse of your heart beating so close to his ears.

“If anything,” you finally spoke after some time, your voice hushed as if you were confessing your sins to a priest, “I’m kind of glad that you did this.”

Your words caused Kaneki’s eyes to snap wide open, and he lifted his head from your chest, gazing up to meet your eyes at last. His lips were already parted in a silent gasp when he spoke.

“What? Why would you be?—” His words were cut off short when your hand left the back of his head, the momentary absence worrying him until you brought it back, but this time to his face, lifting away the strands of ivory locks that had fallen in front of his eyes. He felt the flat surface of your thumb against his tear stained cheek, your finger sliding across the surface of his skin to wipe away some of the lingering wetness.

“You think you’re the only one who wants something you can’t have?” A small smile tugged at the corner of your lips, your eyes gazing directly into his with such sincerity that he struggled to maintain eye contact. The expression in your eyes was something foreign to him; he wasn’t used to having someone look at him like this.

“You don’t mean that,” he couldn’t help but demur, though his voice shook with uncertainty. What once was a mere scintilla of hope had quickly become a much larger spark, its light seeping through the cracks of his defenses. “How could you—” ever want someone like me?

But then Kaneki felt your hand trail down his face, thumb no longer against his cheek but rather his bottom lip, and his question died on the tip of his tongue, the words only ever uttered in his mind before he ceased thinking altogether. He couldn’t tell whether his heart had stopped, or if it was instead beating too fast for him to distinguish between each pulse.

“It feels nice, you know?” Your voice was nothing short of alluring, and the simple act of your finger brushing over his lip enough to send shivers down his spine and a rosy flush rising up his cheeks. The intensity of your gaze was mesmerizing, and at the same time he felt like a deer caught in headlights, unable to do anything but stare. “Being needed by someone else...”

In that moment, he could have sworn he lost the ability to comprehend language, barely even a word able to leave his lips. “But—”

“—Is it wrong of me?” you asked, your thumb still grazing over his lip. “Is it wrong of me to want you like this?”

“No, but—”

“—I need you too, you know.” You once again cut him off. “I like you. I like that I matter to you.” As you admitted that, you let out a soft laugh, the mere sound alone making his intestines tangle around the frantically beating organ that was his heart. “I suppose I’m the sick one.”

“No, I...” Fuck, his words were catching in his throat as he desperately tried to conjure up a coherent sentence. He wasn’t sure what to say; he wasn’t even sure what was going on. But he knew he wanted to insist on one thing. “You’re not sick.”

Your thumb barely flicked over the edge of his lower lip as you pulled your hand away.

“May I?” you breathed.

May I? The question echoed in his mind, and only then he realized that all of this was happening to him, and it was all real. You had just asked him to kiss. You, who were undeniably sweet and enchanting, with a smile that rivaled the luminosity of a supernova, eyelashes gracefully brushing over endless pools of compassion, and him. Him, a ghoul—a monster that feasted on the flesh and blood of your very kind, a selfish coward that plucked you out of the comfort and safety you once had, all because he was too weak to control himself.

And yet you wanted to kiss him, something utterly incomprehensible to him. But, as wrong and irrational as it was, he wanted it, too.

“I—” Kaneki found himself pathetically spluttering, trying to put his emotions into words. “I don’t deserve any of this,” he started, inhaling shakily as he tried to steady himself before continuing. “But even though I shouldn’t, I... I still want you to, if that’s okay.” His voice had become so small, barely even audible as he finished his sentence. His eyes were watering again, the conflicting feeling of his guilt battling with his desire for you enough to make him want to cry, to look away, to run—but he remained firmly in place, his eyes fixed on yours.

The first thing Kaneki noticed when you leaned in, your free hand tangling itself into the back of his hair, was that your lips were incredibly soft. The second thing he noticed, a horrific realization that dawned upon him that very second, was that he had no idea what he was doing. Although his grip around you relaxed, he had no idea where to put his hands, or what exactly he was supposed to do with his mouth—he’d never actually kissed anyone before.

He figured that closing his eyes would be a good start, which he did, attempting to make a mental note of what you were doing. It was incredibly difficult to think straight, or even at all, with the warmth of your lips against his, but he tried his best to mimic your actions, mirroring the same movements. Was he doing this right? He couldn’t tell.

When you pulled away for air, he opened his eyes once again, greeted by the sight of your smile, lips now slightly glistening.

“I doubt it’s very comfortable on the floor,” you chuckled, and to his embarrassment, he only then noticed that he’d been kneeling on the floor next to his bed this entire time. “Why don’t you come over here?” You moved to allow more room for him, patting the mattress gently in a gesture for him to sit there. He nodded, climbing onto the bed.

Now that he was on level height with you and no longer barricaded by the edge of the bed, the physical proximity between the two of you suddenly felt a lot closer. It wasn’t something that made much sense, considering how you were kissing just a minute ago, but now there was nothing separating the two of you. Even though you were sitting right next to him, he couldn’t help but want you closer. But it didn’t stop there; he didn’t know if simply holding you would be enough; he wanted to merge with your very bones—something not physically feasible, but still desirable nonetheless. The acknowledgement of his craving for something more intimate felt blasphemous to him. He had already received more than he could have ever dreamed of. More than he could have ever deserved. He should be content with just that, and yet...

The feeling of your hand on his shoulder snapped him out of his thoughts temporarily, his full attention back on you as your other hand went to the parallel shoulder, swinging one of your legs over and around his so that your thighs were on top of his, straddling him.

This new position instantly caused Kaneki’s eyes to widen in shock, his body instinctively leaning away before he realized it was already pressed against the wall. Despite having been yearning for proximity, having you sit on his lap, the slight pressure of your weight, the feeling of your arms brushing against his, your face so close to his—he felt like he was burning up, as if a wildfire had spread across his cheeks. He wasn’t sure what shade of red he was blushing at this point, but this was the most flustered he ever experienced up until now, and reasonably so, with his lack of experience.

One of your hands moved to his cheek, cupping it gently as you looked directly at him—into him.

“Is this okay?” you asked, and as much as he wanted to respond, he couldn’t bring himself to do anything more than bashfully nod. His reaction appeared to worry you, as your eyebrows furrowed with concern at his response, or rather, lack thereof.

“We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, okay?” As soon as you said those words, he could feel your weight shift off of him, eliciting an instinctual reaction from him. His arms instantly wrapped around you and pulled you towards him, your chest firmly pressing into his. He could feel his fear spike, a fresh wave of terror washing over him.

She’s going to leave, his mind said. She’s going to leave. She’s going to abandon you, because you can’t do anything right.

“No!” Kaneki cried, burying his face into the crook of your neck. He could feel your pulse through your carotid artery, pulsing against his cheek with each thump of your heart. “No, don’t go! I’m sorry—”

“—It’s okay.” You didn’t try to pull away, letting him continue to embrace you as you spoke. “I’m not going anywhere, but I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“No,” he repeated himself, his voice beginning to crack as tears once again filled his eyes, leaking out onto his cheeks and splattering down against your shoulder.

So stupid, his own crying further fuelling the cauldron of hatred that was boiling over in his chest. So incompetent, he thought. She’s being nice to you, and all you do is cry.

“I’m not—” he tried to say, mustering the ability to say how he felt, despite the shame, despite the constant reminder in his mind that this was wrong. He shouldn’t be doing this with you. You were too good for him. “I’m not uncomfortable, I—”

Kaneki gulped, taking a deep breath.

“I want this,” he finally declared. He didn’t know how it was possible that you still wanted him—he was a mess. Not only did he have no idea what he was doing, he had also been pitifully crying this entire time. He was sure that this was the least attractive thing you had ever seen, and it was astonishing that you hadn’t simply lost interest by now.

“Okay,” you replied, “but just let me know if you want to stop, or anything like that.” You insisted, before adding more, “I won’t be upset.”

The reassurance you gave him was enough to have him finally loosen his grip around you, arms no longer coiled around your frame as he leaned back against the wall, a soft smile on his face as he nodded.

With that, your lips were back on his, though this time he was able to match his movements with yours, the taste of your mouth oddly pleasant as his tongue brushed against your own. Everything in the room felt hot, too hot, like someone had turned the heating to its maximum. Not only did the temperature feel like it had risen tremendously, but the sensation of your lips melting against his combined with the small shifts of your weight on his lap was also—much to his horror—causing his brain to send signals straight down to his hips. His eyes widened as he felt his own member twitch, the blood seeming to leave his head to fuel his erection instead, something that had quickly transformed from absence to demanding full attention. The weight of your body and each fraction of a movement you did gave it just enough friction for him to notice, but not nearly enough to satiate his newfound need. But as soon as that thought ended, he came to a terrible conclusion.

What if you could feel it, too?

No, he couldn’t let you notice—the act of kissing you alone was sinful; to covet this was nothing short of sacrilege.

What should I do? He wondered, frantically going through his options. Should I try to adjust our position and move her off my lap? Or should I pretend that nothing’s going on, and hope she doesn’t notice?

As he was contemplating his options, he felt you pull away, peering at him with confusion visibly written over your features.

“Is something wrong?” you inquired, causing him to realize that he was inanimate for a second too long, with how much he was caught up in his own thoughts. It had clearly taken him too long to think of a response, and he was certain his face was betraying his embarrassment, because your eyes glanced downward for a second, and that was all it took for you to put two and two together. “Oh, you—”

“I’m sorry!” Kaneki instantly blurted out, mortified at the situation. Maybe now, you’d think he was a pervert—some kind of creep. He could swear he wasn’t; he had never thought about you in this way before, and curse his body for reacting the way it did. He never imagined he would have such unwanted reactions; it wasn’t like he usually had an extremely high libido or paid much attention to such things. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he continued to apologize, “I—”

—Didn’t mean to? Shouldn’t be thinking about you this way? Don’t want to make you uncomfortable? Everything he could think of saying sounded like pathetic, miserable excuses, and was he really about to cry again?

“I didn’t say it was a problem,” you mumbled, and though you were still able to meet his gaze, he saw your eyes flicker away to the side for a moment, the hints of colour staining your cheeks deepening. Your hands cupped the sides of his cheeks again, your touch light as you touched your lips to his forehead in a gentle, reassuring kiss. “And there’s nothing for you to feel bad about.”

The kindness with which you treated him, the look of sheer adoration in your eyes—it was all too much for him. He was so undeserving of this, and yet, he couldn’t bring himself to reject any of what you were offering. He couldn’t even stop himself from wanting more, knowing for himself then that greed knows no bounds.

A tear slid down the side of his cheek. When you saw it, you laughed softly, fingers swiping the small drop away.

“You know,” you started, “With how much you’re crying, I feel like I’m doing something wrong.”

“You’re not!” Kaneki was quick to disagree with your statement. It was almost absurd to him that you could possibly think you were doing anything incorrectly, and he rushed to explain otherwise. “It’s just... Is this— Is this really okay?”

He knew he was pitifully begging for your validation, eyes glancing at you in a silent plea, but it nonetheless had his heart bursting with fireworks when you replied.

“Of course,” you smiled, leaning back in to press a chaste kiss against his lips, and he was just about to kiss you back when you shifted to the side, lips touching his cheek.

As you trailed kisses down to his jaw, then his neck, he could swear each time your lips were on him it felt like molten iron, hot and searing individual marks on his skin. He had never been touched there before, and the few times he had, it was all violent bites or agonizing stabs. The contrast between those experiences and the languid, tender way your mouth gently brushed against the surface of his skin was almost jarring, but entirely, pleasantly so. Every singular action of yours—your mouth was now on his collarbone—both tickled and felt delightful at the same time, an inexplicable concoction that had him unwittingly tilting his head back to expose his throat to you, wordlessly begging for more.

You indulged him, trailing more kisses back up to the exposed flesh, this time taking the slightest bit of skin between your lips, dull teeth grazing over his neck in an entirely unfamiliar, painless way that made him whimper. Your mouth felt so incredibly, almost agonizingly warm when you took more of his flesh in, before letting go a second later, your teeth pleasurably scraping his neck all the while.

Kaneki felt one of your hands trail down to his lap, resting at his inner thigh almost reluctantly. Just close enough for him to understand what you were hinting at.

It shouldn’t have been surprising to him at this point, considering the events that had transpired leading up to this, yet he nonetheless found it hard to accept that this was all really happening. But the sensation of your mouth on his neck and the blazing heat that emanated from every spot you had graced with your touch was more than enough to render him feverish and dazed.

“Are you comfortable undressing?” The way your gaze seemed to pierce through Kaneki’s very soul made him shudder. It felt as if he was already exposed, and he decided that he enjoyed the way your eyes threatened to devour him whole. As if the eye contact alone was enough to put him in a trance, he nodded without thinking, fingers slipping underneath the waistband of his sweatpants. He was glad that he had already showered and changed before you woke up.

However, as soon as he tugged his sweatpants down an inch, revealing the hem of his underwear, he paused. He hadn’t ever undressed for anyone; not like this. He hadn’t thought about or realized it earlier, but now that he was actually doing it, he felt his characteristic shyness return.

“I— I’ve never—” He was practically squeaking when he choked those words out. The urge to bury his face in his hands, or hide himself in some way or another, was overwhelming.

“It’s okay,” you whispered, gingerly pressing your lips to his cheek once again. The way you touched him was so light, all your movements feathery and barely skimming the surface of his skin. As if he was something fragile and frail—as if you were the one afraid of breaking him. “Do you want me to stop?”

Kaneki shook his head.

“No, I don’t want you to stop,” he mumbled, before adding an apology, “I’m sorry...”

“What are you sorry about?” you laughed, pressing another kiss to his cheek, this time firmer. As you finished your sentence, you ran your fingers over the form of his member, and despite the two layers of clothing that separated you, Kaneki’s breath instantly hitched.

The sensation was almost too much for him, a feeling he wasn’t used to experiencing before, not from someone else’s hand. Though he couldn’t even remember the last time he had touched himself; Cochlea’s cells did not exactly have a sensual atmosphere.

At the same time, it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t even close to enough. He wanted—needed—more, his fervent desire temporarily overshadowing his bashfulness.

As your fingers hooked onto the edge of underwear, seemingly intent on taking both articles of clothing off at once, he reached for his pants, gently lifting his hips up as he helped you undress him. His eyes were averted to the side as he undressed, though a quick glance revealed how hard he was, his cock begging for attention, small drops of pellucid fluid already leaking from the glistening, pink tip.

“I don’t understand why you would want to do this,” he muttered, still unable to meet your eyes.

“I’d say it’s probably the same reason that you’re hard right now.” Before he could conjure up a response, he felt your fingers on his length, and all coherent thoughts left his head, replaced by a strangled gasp.

The feeling of your fingers slowly wrapping around his erection, gently lifting it up and away from his abdomen was something that seemed to light up nerves that had previously not existed. He tried to take a breath to steady himself, but as soon as his lips parted, he felt a small, experimental stroke. What left his mouth was instead a trembling moan, the possibility of regaining his composure instantly dissipating with the next movement of your hand. Each pump of his cock—your hand feeling inhumanly warm around it—seemed to send a fresh wave of electricity through his body, and within seconds, he found himself reduced to nothing but whimpers. Each sound he made was higher pitched and whinier than the last.

“Does this feel okay?” Kaneki heard you ask, causing him to turn his attention back onto you.

“Ah—” he mewled as your thumb brushed against the back of his tip. You beamed at his reaction, seemingly pleased with yourself.

“I’ll take that as a yes, then,” you said. As he looked at you, glanced from the way your fingers were gliding up and down his length, then upwards to the surrounding area of your collarbones, he couldn’t help but feel bothered by the sight of your clothing. The fabric that was previously insignificant and meaningless to him was now something frustrating, and he longed to see how your skin looked underneath. His desire for you appeared to be a bottomless pit, an abyss that he continuously fell deeper in, with no end in sight. He wasn’t sure if it’d be okay to ask you something like that or not. On one hand, you had been astonishingly fine with everything occurring up until now, but on the other—

“Hng—” The way you tightened your grip wasn’t lost on him, the heat pooling in his groin threatening to overflow. He could tell he was already close, too close, but—as much as he should just be satisfied with this—he wanted more.

“Ah— I—” He could barely think, let alone speak, each stroke of your hand like a bolt of lightning, something igniting every circuit in his brain so much so that they were frying. “I don’t want to—” he desperately tried to speak before it was too late, “not yet—”

Your hand quickly came to a stop, and your fingers left his throbbing cock, now aching for release more than ever before.

“Do you want to do something else?” you asked him. He took a second to catch his breath before responding, nodding earnestly as he gathered up his courage to admit what he wanted.

“I-I want to make you feel good too,” he stuttered, his resolve dissolving as fast as it materialized. “If that’s... not too much to ask for.”

“Of course not,” you answered, not seeming apprehensive at all, something that had Kaneki’s heart fluttering, like it was a small creature of its own that had grown legs and wings and was seeking to break free from the constraints of his ribcage. “I’d love to, should I...” For the first time, you appeared just as bashful as he was, your eyes diverting to the side as you spoke. “Should I get undressed?”

He hesitated for a moment, unsure if it was really okay to ask you something like this.

“If you don’t mind,” he finally said.

You were still avoiding his gaze as you slid your top off, the rest of your clothing following soon after. He remained unmoving, simply taking in the sight before him with utter awe and admiration.

The sight of your body and bare skin was nothing short of entrancing; Kaneki could only stare at you with utter awe and admiration. With each piece of fabric that was put to the side, you showed him parts of yourself that he never imagined he’d see. And all of it was stunning.

Your skin looked so smooth, so dewy—he longed to feel it against his own—and your body perfectly shaped, each dip and curve too ethereal to not have been sculpted by the hand of a deity. Someone as flawless and divine as you could not be anything but a gift from the gods themselves.

But the gods would never give something so good to a monster like him. His desire for you went deeper than skin and flesh, a craving that was nestled deep within the marrow of his bones. Yet he felt paralyzed. The thought of this being likened to desecration kept him from reaching out towards you.

“How long are you planning to stare at me for?” you chuckled, taking his hand in yours and bringing it to your chest. Your flesh rested in the palm of his hand as he tentatively squeezed, his eyes instantly enlarging. Just from looking at you, he already knew how lovely and delicate you were, but not even his imagination could measure up to how soft everything was.

“I-I—” Kaneki tried to find the right words; it only felt appropriate to say something and not be completely silent. He settled on something simple, unable to quite find the words to perfectly express his thoughts. “You’re so... so pretty.”

This time, when you replied, you looked off to the side, almost seeming embarrassed. “Thank you,” you smiled, before returning the compliment. “So are you.”

The oxygen in his lungs was instantly depleted when you crawled back over his lap, a hand on his shoulder to steady yourself, the other on his member, eliciting a needy whine from him.

“Is this really okay?” Kaneki couldn’t stop himself from asking one last time, just to ensure that you were certain about doing this. “Are you sure you want to do this?” With me, he thought.

But you already know her answer, his own mind scoffed. You just want to hear her say it. You just want her to lie to you, and tell you that you’re not a mon—

“I’m sure,” you replied, unknowingly having interrupted his internal monologue. “Do you want to?”

Of course, he thought, but what came out instead was something different. “Do I— Do I really deserve something like this? Do I really deserve to feel this good, this happy? A monster like me...”

“Kaneki,” Your voice was firm. “You’re not a monster, and even if you were, I’d still love you.”

He didn’t know how long exactly it was, but he knew that he spent a long time simply processing those words.

“Can—” It was as if his tongue had tied itself into knots upon knots. He could barely speak, too astonished by your words to formulate coherent words. “Can you say that one more time?”

“Kaneki,” you repeated his name. He knew he was being desperate, he was being pathetic and needy; he didn’t care. Not when he could audibly hear those words that he had always—despite knowing that he shouldn’t—hoped for. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he breathed, “and... I want this with you.”

Your eyes bore into his very being, and he maintained eye contact this time, affectionately holding your gaze. He could see the dusting of coral in your flushed cheeks, your slightly parted lips that he never wanted to stop kissing, the way your eyelashes framed your irises so gracefully, and your smile, brighter than any quasar.

It felt as if he, himself, had fallen into a galaxy’s glowing core when your body enveloped his own. He felt your walls wrapping around his cock as you slowly lowered yourself, ensheathing the entirety of his length in your warmth, your thighs once again resting on top of his.

His eyes snapped shut for a moment as he tried to steady himself, desperately drawing in breaths. The blazing warmth engulfed everything. Every point of contact between the two of you was a convergence of intense, sweltering heat and eternally detonating fireworks. The sensations were overwhelming. His senses were so heightened that the stimulation was far much more than he could handle; the signals that each miniscule movement sent demanded every last ounce of attention from his overloaded brain. His body practically recoiled at the slightest touch, as if it were a live wire waiting to be shocked.

When his eyes opened again, he saw you sheepishly grinning at him, one of your hands on his shoulder and the other on the back of his neck.

“Okay?” you asked. Kaneki nodded.

You gently rocked your hips against his, every move causing a newborn wave of pleasure to wash over him. Strings of whimpers and whines left his lips as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you in closer to him. Your chest was firmly pressed against his, his laboured breathing tickling the nape of your neck with each staggering exhale.

“Mm, Kaneki,” You stilled your hips momentarily as you spoke. He could feel your hands leave his upper body and tug at the sides of his shirt instead. “Take this off.”

He nodded quickly and briefly released his grip on you, hastily removing the last article of clothing that separated the two of you and throwing it aside. As soon as he did, he felt your hands on his back, just underneath his shoulder blades. He mirrored the action, the both of you pulling each other close until your bodies were flush against one another’s, skin touching skin.

Amidst his own sounds, he heard the melodic sounds of pleasure you made as you continued to move against him, your hips shifting back and forth. Each sway of your hips caused more parts of his brain to light up like a circuit board, and despite his mind resembling the brightly lit city of Tokyo with its blinding lights—he was at the same time seeing stars.

“Does this feel good?” you asked. You leaned in closer, your lips ghosting over his but not quite touching yet.

“It feels...” he whined as he spoke, “You feel amazing—”

You smiled before pressing your lips to his. He shut his eyes as he leaned into the kiss, the heat emanating from your mouth made his own melt. He was no longer sure if he was devouring you or the other way around, but that was of little significance as you hungrily kissed him back.

Kaneki’s hands slid down your back, coming to a halt near the bottom of your thighs, his fingers grasping at the soft curve that connected your hips to your legs.

“Is this okay?” he broke apart from the kiss momentarily to ask. His fingers were digging into the soft, delicate flesh of your backside.

“Yes,” you gasped, “it’s okay.” Your lips collided once more.

The starvation with which your lips danced together was nothing but pure, unadulterated desire. A coveting so strong that neither of you could resist submitting to it—something so powerful that it dominated even the dark recesses of his mind.

It’s okay, you had said. It’s okay. The usual noise occupying his mind finally quieted down, your words causing the constant onslaught of fear to subside. Your flesh fit nicely in his palms as he lifted you up slightly, grinding his hips into yours, his apprehensions at last dissipating. His movements were frantic, his hips desperately jerking up and against yours as he moved you alongside the length of his cock.

Maybe just for a second, Kaneki could allow himself to believe that this really was okay. That even if he didn’t deserve what he had, it was alright for him to accept it, nonetheless.

And maybe just for a second, he could stop thinking about any of that. None of it mattered then, because all he had to do was permit himself to be immersed in the present moment. All he had to do was immerse himself in the softness of your lips fused with his, the warmth of your hands affectionately held onto his skin, the rapid thump of your pulse pressed so tightly to his bare chest that he could feel your heartbeat, and the coalescence of your bodies intertwined—each passionate roll of his hips against yours sending shockwaves through his body.

When the final tides of fire licked their way through his bloodstream and his world became an incandescent brilliance, he was helpless to do anything but cry out your name. Somewhere in the background, he could hear you doing the same, his name exquisitely rolling off your tongue.

As the white, hot radiance slowly began to fade into the softer iridescence of a nebula, he could feel the moisture of the sweat glistening upon both your bodies and hear the sound of your ragged, panting breaths as he returned to mortality.

Kaneki’s body was unbearably warm, but despite the way your body heat almost painfully engulfed his flesh, he found the feverish state you both basked in to be oddly cathartic. Your heart was still forcefully pounding in your chest, as was his, the sound of flowing blood loudly ringing in his ears. Your body was slumped against his, entirely limp and fully resting on him. Despite his exhaustion, he wrapped his arms around your torso, holding you closely.

He could feel your lulling caress as you stroked his hair once again, gently smoothing it over as the two of you shared a moment of serenity, the only sounds audible being your breathing.

When you finally pulled away from him, pushing yourself up, you began to giggle. Just as he was about to ask you what was so funny, you spoke.

“What are you crying for, now?” You brushed your damp hair out of your eyes. Kaneki, too, laughed, shaking his head as he responded.

“I’m just really happy,” he smiled, another tear escaping the corner of his eye and dripping down his cheek.

“Right,” you chuckled, laying down on his bed and stretching your body out. “Come here. I’m tired.”

Kaneki nodded, moving to lay down beside you. He pulled the blankets up to cover your body, before crawling underneath the covers to nestle himself by your side.

His hand ghosted over the side of your cheek as he moved the stray hairs out of your face. He watched your eyes close as he ran his fingers through your locks, stroking your hair in the same tender manner that you did for him. The gentle petting of your hair continued while he watched any remaining tension beneath your eyelids dissolve with your slumber, only stopping the repeated movement when he was sure that you were sleeping soundly.

Kaneki took in your peaceful expression one last time prior to closing his eyes, etching the sight of your features into his mind as a permanent engraving. Just before he allowed the fatigue to take over, his thoughts came to one resolute finality.

He would protect you.

As much as he wanted to keep living in blissful ignorance, he knew that it was only a matter of time before the CCG would raid his apartment in search of him. Even though he loved you dearly and wanted to keep you by his side, he wasn’t sure he was strong enough to do so. And so, when the time eventually comes, it would be his turn to protect you—like you had protected him every single previous time—be it through taking other lives, or sacrificing his own.

Because even the primal fear of death pales in comparison to his fear of losing you.

He knew that it was entirely possible for this apartment to be raided in the dead of the night, with investigators coming to save you from the monster everyone besides you believed him to be. He was sure they would think of you as a victim; you hadn’t even been conscious when he brought you away.

As Kaneki fell asleep, he came to one final conclusion. Even though this rest may be his last, even though he may never wake up again, even though the darkest night may never end—he could accept that.

For as long as you exist, the sun will always rise again. 

[the-black-reaperarc]

(tg-headcanons and a few others mentioned this, so...)

I agree that ghouls/half-ghouls/the like have sharp teeth, half-humans (Arima, etc.) would have duller teeth than full ghouls.

I think half-ghouls however would have sharper teeth though, as they are more unstable than full ghouls so they would be more prone to mutations!

I also think that Kakuja/Half-Kakuja would have sharper teeth as well due to, again, being prone to mutations.

You can see it in these ss of Yamori/Jason (anime)

He has sharp teeth going past just his canines.

You can't see it in kaneki when they're Kuroneki/ black haired or just after they're tortured (anime)

However you can see it later, when they're a Half-Kakuja (anime)

nd that got me thinking about how Haise and #240 aren't shown with pointy teeth (manga)

Maybe more half-ghouls/half-humans work at the CCG then we know of, maybe even they themselves (half-humans) know, maybe they had their teeth filed so they would blend in more. Maybe this happened to all the Quinx after they became Quinx or maybe just to Urie after he became a Half-Kakuja. (Because idk if he became a full Kakuja later in the manga/anime)

But, you know, that's just a headcanon. <3

Not canon but; look at this fanart of ✨The Gays/HideKane✨ (by: neerbear, found on Tumblr)

[elmaxlys]

Can I have some fluffy headcanon about Donato and his favorites, Amon and Haise?

First of all, God bless you. And now,

Haise and Donato became friends during the time Haise was at Cochlea (post 240, early Haise days). At first they feared Donato would be a bad influence on his brand new CCG brainwashing but they found instead that Haise was a good influence on Donato, with Donato giving actual answers when they sent Haise to question him.

After he's been instated mentor of the Quinx, Haise sometimes asks Donato for parenting advice when he has troubles and neither Arima nor Akira can help him (this is often. Akira has no experience with kids and all the kids Arima knows are child soldiers so like.) and Donato is like "you know I ate all these kids right?" and Haise replies with "yeah but you still lived with a dozen kids and made a believable enough father for it to take years before being busted." and Donato's like "finally someone who understands my hard work. thank you".

Donato shares his recipes with Haise. They found that Saiko loves the ones that used to be Koutarou's favorite. Haisaki and the other Cochlea operators were mighty confused at first listening to the conversations because?? two ghouls discussing human cooking?? They had a suspicion it was code for something - as Haise is a known ghoul sympathizer - but Arima dispelled all these theories by mentioning in passing new recipes Haise had tried and how good his son was at cooking lol

Donato started teaching Haise Italian (Donato's Italian. Ishida can pry this from my cold dead hands.) but they got stopped because that could actually be used to talk privately about less CCG-approved stuff.

To talk about Koutarou and Haise at the same time would go into AU territory and not headcanons so we'll leave Haise there. Goodnight, Haise. (lol) Now in all my years I don't remember what Donut Family headcanons I've shared before and which I haven't but since it's been a while, let's not care about that.

Koutarou arrived pretty young at the orphanage. He was bright and sociable, quickly made friends, who rapidly became actual siblings. But if the kids considered themselves siblings, not all of them considered Donato their father, especially the ones who remembered their lives before the orphanage. Koutarou didn't have that problem so he took to Donato very quickly. It took longer for Donato to warm up to him for real and not feigned.

Koutarou followed him everywhere he could. Became an altar boy. Actually had catholic faith (Sunday mass was mandatory not to leave the kids at home alone while Donato was away so they all had to go but few believed).

So Donato started teaching him all he could. Koutarou wanted to learn and he's super smart so it went smoothly. Donato taught him the prayers in Latin (hc that Donato is at least a century and a half old. He's definitely old fashioned when it comes to that stuff), taught him Italian. Promised him to take him to the Vatican one day. Koutarou wanted to become a priest too when he grew up.

All the kids knew Koutarou was Father's favorite. It was also fully assumed on his part. They took in the dog because they had Koutarou ask Donato if they could - and Donato can't refuse his son anything.

Koutarou was the first kid to get a "yes" to the old "i had a nightmare can I sleep in your bed?" question. When Koutarou got the okay, the other kids started coming there too (only if Koutarou went first. Donato wouldn't wake his son up just to scold the others)

Donato was extremely tired all the time so Koutarou would make him hot chocolate in the evening. Donato wouldn't drink it, he's no Touka, but he'd smile gently, thank him softly, give him a kiss on the forehead and tuck him into bed.

They had pics taken annually. Donato would keep a copy of Koutarou's in his wallet. On his desk he had the orphanage group picture of the year.

As he grew up and wasn't eaten, Koutarou became one of the elder brothers. Still pretty young, but he had to be the responsible one. He helped the younger ones with their homework and stuff. He had started to learn how to cook and bake from Donato when this stops being fluffy 👍

This huh. got a lot, as expected... still hope you liked reading my little headcanons

-----

The Asks List

[captain-astors]

7, 10, 16, 22, 26 for tokyo ghoul asks bc i like your thoughts

And I like yours! Thank you kindly, I enjoy the selection you’ve picked out. Lots of text under the cut.

7. Which character(s) do you dislike?

Torso, Tsuneyoshi, Kanou… I don’t really dislike anyone that isn’t a fairly standard “no thanks” for the fandom except for who I’ll include in the other 7 I recieved. 

10. Which character deserved more? Or was it more unfair? 

I’ve received two of these which is good because I have a few. I’m going to start with SHIKORAE GOOD GOD MY BOY WHY. I am a firm believer that he did nothing wrong. It's not his fault Kijima did this to him. He deserved another chance you hear me. He deserved to be loved. Healthily. No hate to the clowns, they're spectacular but their idea of affection is that it straight up isn’t real at best, and that it’s unattainable and only achievable in the form of violence and consumption at worst. I just want him somewhere he can live in relative peace alright. Also Kanae didn’t need to be treated quite that way, Eto didn’t need to die and be brought back just to die again, Tsukiyama didn’t deserve to never move past his unhealthy obsession and treated like a joke, and Touka didn’t need to be reduced to Cardboard Wife. 

16. Out of the millions of Kaneki personalities, which one is your favorite?

Haise! Sweet boy, single father making his way through the world and honestly not being half bad at it. Situation isn’t perfect but I like how he deals with things, genuinely looking for solutions without being afraid to speak up. I kind of wish he was his own character and the protagonist of the entirety of :re but you know people would’ve been furious. Also I love the texture and look of his hair. 240 is a favorite as well.

22. What's your opinion about the final? 

Of the first? A fun ride! It was a little difficult to follow but otherwise I enjoyed it. Of :Re? Who’s the :re finale? I don't know her.  Kidding mostly. It’s just such a rushed feeling thing, you’d think the clash between the main character and one of the strongest characters on the opposing side, (if not the strongest now that Arima’s dead and we have no way to really judge how strong Furuta is since Kaneki’s abilities get cranked up to a 1000) would have some gravity to it but no, it just flashes and whoops Kaneki lost. For once. Then he gets turned into a giant kakuja beast and kills hundreds of kids as well as countless civilians but of course we’re not going to have him suffer any repercussions, internal or external, or even address that because he wasn’t himself, he just wants to see Touka again. :(  Then he gets pulled out by the power of love, his aging problems are magically cured, he has suffered no physical disfigurement other than little eye marks, and inexplicably gains cross-shaped Kagune to smack Nimura into the afterlife. And after all that he’s a totally stable person who definitely isn’t going to be a bad spouse or parent despite the massive amounts of trauma he has! Because that makes sense! Regardless of how much you like Kaneki it just feels a little idealistic for him and overly uncaring for the other characters. That's why I like "The finale past the death of Nimu/Rize's destruction depending on what you like is Kaneki's fantasy of what could've been" theory.

26. If you could sacrifice any character to bring another back, who would it be?

I love Mirumo so much, but his existence is barely acknowledged past the extermination arc so he can go in exchange for

A. the death of the Tsukiyamas and the devastating effect it SHOULD have had on Shuu being acknowledged in such a way he perhaps even learns to start growing away from that sad blind devotion to Kaneki, B. Kanae. I just want them back. I don’t think it would necessarily improve anything I just miss them. Also if Seidou isn’t going to get any resolution ANYWAYS (I’m so mad about that and I don’t want him to die but I am a creature of efficiency) he could sacrifice himself in the finale in some grand gesture that actually gets him acknowledged, in exchange for Tatara and Houji getting more screentime and further development.

[xerziartblog]

please, an Arima discord

how many people would join it

I want to Interact with people

pls reblog if you can

[the-ghoul-remains]

A rant about how to “brainwash” someone turned into an essay about Arima, Patient No. 240 and Haise.

Under Read More because it’s /long/.

TW for brainwashing, abuse, emotional trauma, conditioning, mental illness, and a brief implication of sexual violence.

You need to start by isolating the person. Starvation and sleep depravation are good additions to isolation, because it makes the victim have to lower their guard and be fatigued. People with fatigue are much easier to control because they have no energy left. You can also add in bad head trauma and brain damage. Like Arima's stab in the back of the head, which damaged Kaneki's brain and plucked his eye out. Brain damage can severely affect memories and cognitive function. On top, the captor is to take every bit of control away from the victim. They can't feed themselves, they can't wash themselves, they can't have a job and earn their own money, the victim is meant to be the captor's property that they maintain, not a person that can survive on their own. The captor needs to make sure the victim realizes they have no chance out there without them. Things such as saying that their family probably stopped looking for them by now, or that they never even cared to begin with. Essentially, brainwashing a person is similar to kidnapping a person. You kidnap someone, but then if you want them to want to stay, or at least make it so they stop giving escape a try or at least comply just a *little*, you take things a step forward - which is brainwashing them. With kidnapping you want the person for their value, such as information, or ransom money, or gratification in some form - like physical or sexual. A kidnapper will dispose of his victim eventually, like when they get what they wanted and either kill or release them. Keeping the person was never the point. With brainwashing the value *is* the person themselves. A good example are Arima and Patient No. 240. Arima started with a severe injury to the head, then he stripped him of his name and identity. He referred to him as "Prisoner 240" and at the beginning and confronted him when he was begging to be let out, standing in the door between Patient 240 and his freedom before telling him that he slaughtered all of his friends, that there was no one left outside but him, likely in hopes it would be the straw that broke the camel's back and shatter what little hope was left in Patient 240 and make him "realize" that he was truly alone with no one but his captors to even know that he exists. Such news can make people very docile and accepting of their new realities, because hope is one of the biggest things that keep people going. People theorized that Arima said what he said because he truly believed he killed everyone and that he just wished Patient 240 to move on and start his emotional recovery sooner, but if that was true, he wouldn't have asked Haise later, when he asked him about "hearing that voice again", if he was sure he didn't wish to go and see his old family again. Because by then, Haise was successfully brainwashed and Arima knew that even if he was given the option, Haise would remain loyal to him. For context, people thought Arima felt bad or remorseful and just tried to help, because after leaving Patient 240 screaming from the reality he just dropped on him and the warden told him that he will probably die of self-starvation soon, a panel focused on his eyes showing on an emotion that looks like a concerned frown, or pity. Arima is never shown to fake his feelings - only suppress them in some cases (Such as having to be cruel to Patient 240 while actually developing worry and perhaps even genuine responsibility for the pain he caused (You have to keep in mind the man staged his own death just so ghouls will have a *chance* at having better lives. He was way better at hiding how guilt-ridden and self-hating he was than Haise)) so this expression in that panel is likely genuine, but not because he felt bad he said the wrong thing - but rather because he knew exactly what he was doing. Taking a broken young man with a mind shattered into many little fragments and molding one for his personal needs and liking. Arima was great at keeping a straight face and doing what he needed to do but no matter what anyone says, the man wasn't made of stone. ANYWAY So after properly isolating Patient 240, he started giving him books, he gave him a couple chats, he stopped by his cell, making himself appear as the sole provider and the only person Patient 240 can rely on for his needs, forcing trust between them. And, eventually, Arima gave him a name. A key to his identity. When training with him, he made sure to go for the eyes, as if to remind Haise of the power imbalance between them and that he was fully at Arima's mercy. He made sure to overwork Haise and even threatened to kill him a second time if he couldn't keep up after having exhausted and worn him out effectively. This was not only to push Haise's limits in both will, mind, and body, to make him *stronger* and keep up with Arima, but also served in keeping Haise docile, tired, and afraid. One common factor for DID development in children is that they had a parent that one moment was kind and loving, and another moment hateful and harsh, but in an extreme way. For Kaneki, it was their mother, which he would only speak fondly of, while Black Reaper and the child white-haired Kaneki remembered that she would also actually beat them mercilessly over little things, and wasn't this perfect people-pleaser sweet and providing mother the other Kanekis remembered her as. Arima, albeit probably unknowingly, leaned in for this sort of act probably to create confusion and/or blur the lines between a father figure, a mentor, and a captor. There's a world in which the poor man really just had no idea how to Father correctly so it just happened to end up this way. In the end, Haise's survival depended on whether Arima wished him to stay or not. And instead of trying to run away he tried his hardest to get approval and praise from Arima, instead. Because there was nowhere to run to. No one to turn to for help or safety. Arima was all he had and his sole chance for something that could ever resemble a human life or a family. So he gave in, willingly, and allowed it. Haise says that he doesn't care that he's just playing pretend-house, he's happy. Even when his own son-figure calls him a ghoul and makes him hole up in his bedroom and break down crying. Even when he knows that there's people out there looking for him, or wondering where he had disappeared to. Even when the CCG loom the threat if disposal of him if he won't be useful one day or "becomes a ghoul". He accepted that life because he was taught that whatever is waiting him outside those walls is much, much scarier, and that he would have to leave everything behind and face it on his own. Essentially, it would be the same as taking someone's four limbs away, taking care of them for a couple years, letting them grow comfortable and trustful of you, then give them plastic prosthetics and kick them to the curb.

[jun-thorne]

I will fall so you can rise. "He is wonderful, Kishou, really!” The young, green haired woman laughed. “He had so much to endure, so much to suffer. It feels like he jumped right out of a novel”

Arima felt the corners of his lips pulling. He did not share Etos enthusiasm for tragedies, but her happiness and talkative behaviour always lightened up his mood.

“Ill see if he is a suitable candidate for our purpose” he replied in his usual serious tone.

“The CCG will soon attack the 20. Ward. Then I will be able to assess him first-hand.”

Eto giggled “I’m sure he will prove himself to be worthy, Kishou. Ken Kaneki, the future one-eyed King. “

 

The atmosphere in cochlea resembled the silence before the storm. The air was thick and seemed tense. The occasional footsteps of the guards were hectic, nervous. But the white reaper of the CCG remained unfazed.

Kishou Arima stood motionless on his post, his glance fixed and his face neutral. But his outer appearance deceived. His mind was racing, roaming restless, thinking about him.

During the last months, Haise had changed. Arima pretended not to notice, but the truth could not have been more obvious. The, formerly, strong wall between Ken Kaneki and Haise Sasaki had crumbled and turned to dust. The gears which had been created by Eto and him, Arima, were now turning, and could not be stopped anymore.

 

„You need a name. “Arima said, his voice bland and stern, his face vacuous.

“A name…? “Replied Prisoner 240, surprise and a hint of confusion in his expression.

“The rehabilitation program plans for you to become an investigator. We cannot call you number 240 forever. What would you like it to be?  Arima said, his expression still neutral.

“A Name… Don’t others usually give names?” asked Prisoner 240. The surprise in his face had now turned into confusion completely.

“The Higher ups have said that they would leave it to you.” Arima replied, his voice imperceptibly softer. “Pick to of your favourite Kanji”

“Then Coffee… and the world” 240 said after hesitating shortly.

“So Haise“

„mmm… I like it. It sounds nice. Thank you, Arima-San. “ in Haise’s voice lay happiness, as he looked up to Arima. The older man looked back with his usual neutral expression. But if one would have looked closely, they could have recognized the spark in Arimas eyes, which had not been there before.

 

A squad of guards passed under the platform he was standing on. But Arima did not pay attention to them, his thoughts dwelling in the past.

Arima had supervised the “creation” of Haise Sasaki. He had trained him, had watched him grow and learn. He knew every of his little mannerism, every move of him, by heart.

In the beginning he had tried to convince himself, that his interest in Sasaki had been of pure professional nature. Eto had chosen him, and he would train him, forming him into the man he needed to be.

But Arima had grown fond of Haise. He catched himself reorganizing his schedule to make time to return the borrowed books personally, or to slide in a small stop for coffee at the chateau.

 

“Arima-San, your coffee is really mug-nificent” Haise snickered, voice filled with unconcealed pride about his successful pun. Contrary to his normally reserved behaviour, Arima could feel a small grin pull on the corners of his mouth.

“Thank you, that beans a lot to me” he answered, resulting in Haise bursting out with laughter and spitting his Coffee over the table. The sight was hilarious and soon Arima was laughing too, loud and sincere.

 

Startled by his thoughts, Arima returned his attention to the present. He noticed the small smile which had sneaked upon his face and quickly removed it, going back to his blank expression. He could not afford such displays of emotion.

His thoughts travelled to his first encounter with Kaneki, during the fight at the route V14 under the 20. Ward. The determination of the young ghoul had surprised, even impressed him. Kanekis will had been strong, but he had been no match for Arima. Still, Arima had decided to spare his life…. At least a part of it. He had inflicted intolerable pain on Kaneki, wiping out his old life and his memories in the process.

 

„You were right Eto” he said. “He really is special. “

„Was there ever any doubt?” asked the young ghoul. “He has this determination, right?

 Arima only nodded-

“This world is just like a novel, Kishou…” she mused “and we are creating the protagonist.”

“That remains to be seen” he replied.

 

Arima checked his watch. 11:32 PM. The night had already fallen over cochlea. Haise would not wait much longer, he knew. Soon it would begin.

Arimas gaze wandered through cochlea, suddenly fixing on a inconspicuous door in the lower levels. His position stiffed imperceptibly and a wave of nausea came over him.

 

„This is our last meeting. “ He said, seemingly emotionless.

It was a futile attempt to make their parting easier.

“I… will miss you” the green haired woman said, not even trying to supress the feelings which crept into her voice. She stood up from the smack bed in her cell and looked him in the eyes. Arima returned her gaze, a small smile playing on his lips. He closed the distance between them and embraced her in his arms.

“My Story is now written” he whispered. “And I’m glad I spent it with you.”

“Me too” she answered. She rose up on her tip toes and her lips brushed softly over his in a last tender kiss. When they parted she averted her gaze.

„Kishou… He will succeed, right?” suddenly doubt in her normally confident voice.

“Of Course! “He answered.

 

The Sirens of the cochlea whirred in Arimas ears and pulled him out of his thoughts

“Attention Staff: Capture the Person who is continuing to open the isolation cells. Associate Special Class Haise Sasaki. I repeat: capture Haise Sasaki “

At the end of the bridge, he was standing on Squad 0 appeared, his squad. They were whispering with each other, seemingly nervous. With a side glance he noticed that Take Hirako was eyeing him but Arima did not pay attention to it. Etos words echoed through his mind

“I’m sure he will prove himself to be worthy, Kishou. Ken Kaneki, the future one-eyed King. “

Yes, Kaneki was worthy, of that Arima was sure.

And so, he made his decision.

“Squad 0, the orders which I gave remain unchanged!” he said, his voice stern and without any emotion. His gaze wandered over the young investigators, his grey eyes cold and still filled with pride. Then he turned to Hirako

„Take good care of them Take” he said, a hint of warmth in his voice. He patted him on the shoulder, an almost heartfelt gesture between the partners which had known each other for so long. They exchanged one last glance, then Arima turned away.

His thoughts which had been restless in the last hours were now at ease, making room for a pleasant void. There was only one last task to fulfil.

„Haise… I will fall so you can rise!” he whispered

[transsexualhamlet]

I just hate how Haise is treated in general by the CCG and Arima. 

So Arima nearly kills Kaneki for Ghoul Crimes and they stick him in Cochlea. And obviously there was a quinque spear through his brain, so he loses his memories. So now they've got just this very injured, blind, completely lost child who has no clue even how his own body works, thrown in a cage, for all intents and purposes completely innocent. 

So Arima goes "oh you know what would be a cool idea- Quinque But It Can Walk" and decides to take advantage of this guy. So he kneels next to him like a reassuring dad and tells him the CCG's propaganda perspective of what he is: namely, a cannibalistic monster who kills people for fun and is the scum of the earth, you know. Just the birds and the bees. He’s something inherently evil, who has committed crimes barely imagineable, he’s barely more than an animal. 

And he is told that there’s a reason that he’s in a cage.

But if he behaves himself, if he complies and doesn’t get any of his own ideas he can be allowed to live as a human (because only humans can be good) Under the CCG’s watchful eye, of course, because let’s not be unreasonable here. With some restrictions, as long as he can be of use to the CCG in helping them kill ghouls.

His memories being gone is perfect for Arima, because he's a blank slate, he's easy to manipulate and mold and create whatever he wants out of, with no consideration to the real person who this is affected by. Haise is treated with a front of kindness by Arima, and to someone whose only memories so far are of being in solitary confinement, in terrible pain, treated like a dangerous monster- Arima gives him a single half-smile and he probably looks like god. 

And Arima makes sure Haise's quite dependent on him too. Haise doesn’t know anything. Everything he’s aware of, everything he owns, everything he is comes directly from Arima. He’s nearly blind, disoriented, barely able to form words, hurting with the consequences of things he can’t remember doing. He doesn’t even know his own name. He couldn't form his own opinions on anything if he tried, the entire world is drugged prison food, a straitjacket, shitty guards who would talk about how he shouldn't have been kept alive right in front of his cell, and... well, Arima. 

Arima seems nice to him, especially for what he is, how inherently evil he must be, wasn’t he performing a kind act of service for looking his way- and he gives him EVERYTHING. Holds out a hand, hands him glasses and a way out of the prison cell and a drug that makes him almost like everyone else, the promise of a chance at life The Right Way, an identity to call his own. 

So in comparison, Haise probably thinks he's being treated incredibly well, as the CCG’s pet freak, he’s completely content with being nothing more than a living quinque, because that’s right. He’s allowed to live in his own house, have his own quinque, help younger investigators, the CCG’s so kind to give him that RC suppressant for free, even food. He doesn't have anything else to go off of. He had no identity before, so anything at all is better.

A name that means nameless is definitely an upgrade from the number 240, right?

[toukatan]

throwing it back to tokyo ghoul, do you have a certain kaneki persona or character that you wish would've been fleshed out more?

hiya anonie! ah yep i gotchu, i’ll definitely go with number 240 kaneki and black reaper. my memory might be a little hazy but from what i remember we didn’t really get much from 240 kaneki? i really would’ve liked to have seen more into his perspective, considering the fact that most of the time he was just alone, in a cell before arima ya know. like if he ever did remember anything at all.

black reaper because he literally lasted like 4 chapters from what i recall and then he was gone. his personality was the most different and harsh one compared to every other form of kaneki so he was very very different, he carried memories of both haise and kaneki at once and then we just have bom black reaper idk how to word this but hopefully you got what i was tryna say. he’s just so complex and was definitely one of my favourite forms of kaneki

from both of them i probably just wanted a little more from them and their perspectives of everything before they were transitioned to another persona. but then again there’s a lot of point of views i wanted from tg but never got sadly agdjbshsbsb

[ghoulromantism-moved]

SYSTEM KANEKI HC: an explanation post

rewrite of this post from a few months ago!! im posting it on this sideblog this time bc i keep changing my main’s url

disclaimer again: im a singlet but my gf @ditzgf​ gave me some info abt systes and answered some of my questions, and i did a lot of research abt systems b4 writing this post, but yea if i say anything bad tell me bc idk everything sdfghjklmù

this post will contain spoilers and will contain themes of abuse, torture, death, etc. 

it’ll also be kinda messy and unorganized bc im bad @ putting my thoughts in2 words

kaneki is probably a system bc he has childhood trauma (his mother beating him up), an inner world (as depicted in a few chapters of tg and tg:re, during his torture or when haise and kaneki were communicating prior to the rose extermination operation), and in tg, Banjou once says that he still has his tender heart from be4 being tortured by Yamori, but he sometimes turns merciless like an on/off switch (which could just be a different alter)

two of the most striking pieces of evidence are tg:re chapter 144, where kaneki talks to different versions of himself,

and tg chapter 140, where kuroneki hugs shironeki and thanks him for always fighting for the “weaker him”

these panels both seem to show the different alters communicating in some sort of inner world.

the alters

i think we can easily identify a few different alters.

one of them is Rize. (not exactly the “real” Rize. this alter would be an introject of her) 

At certain points, kaneki is seen talking to her despite her being supposedly dead. In the manga, he talks to her when he’s being tortured, and when he’s “dragon”. in the anime, she is much more present, seemingly tormenting him after his transformation into a ghoul. when fighting amon for the first time, kaneki even says he’s letting her take control of his body. I think Rize is a persecutor because she is very often tormenting kaneki, probably with the goal of making him “stronger”.

another easily identifiable alter is Haise. He doesn’t remember anything of his life as “kaneki”, and he seems to be struggling with the fact that many people see him as kaneki and not as his own person, 

I think there was also an introject of Hide at some point, since when Kaneki fights Arima in tg:re, Hide appears and tells him to keep on living. 

Another important thing to note is that all these different alters seem to have “appeared” during stressful times. Rize -> when Kaneki was turned into a ghoul Shironeki -> when Yamori tortured him Centipede -> after Kanou tells him a ghoul named Yoshimura is the leader of Aogiri and Kaneki believes he is talking abt the manager 240/Haise -> after Arima “kills” Kaneki Black Reaper -> almost dying during the Rose Suppression Operation One-eyed king & Hide-> fighting against Arima a 2nd time

anyways those r my thoughts dxgfhtguyuhjikolp

[bigowlenergy]

Notes on Gender, Ethnicity, and Culture

At the heart of the etoneki conflict/drama is nothing more than culture clash.

Eto may be amazing at studying others and have replicated humanity well enough to be a respected author among humans without anyone finding any clues to her ghoul nature, not even Haise in RE: - but she is still someone who was raised by ghouls. Her base nature is as a ghoul, from the 24th ward specifically. Naturally, there’s going to be some confusion between her and Kaneki, who was raised by humans.

But that leaves the good good question of what those differences should be. Clearly, some should be tiny, but there NEED to be huge misunderstandings bc I live for that kind of drama. Also, it’s a slowburn, so. that’s how it is.

this is long, and tagged for spoilers for a good reason. nothing specific, but if u like being surprised by the plot in ur grapefruit, go no further as of chapter 5

1) Ghouls have ABO while humans do not. Sure, there was a decently long time where Kaneki lived among ghouls, but can u picture early chapter Touka willingly sitting him down and giving the birds and the bees and the grasshoppers and also the spiders Talk? I think not. Maybe Kouma? Itori would. Like, they’d both kill him dead with it, but they would. And knowing the contexts within another culture doesn’t mean that you have assimilated those words/concepts to your own yourself, or that you actually know every single social detail, especially as it applies to others.

...but Eto does. And human gender/sexuality is fairly simple on the whole, except when it isn’t, so she has a leg up on him there.

plus, the way I have the ABO structured, it makes a bit more sense for him to be less aware of it, since his gender, as perceived by ghouls, is the most privileged one. Especially since its associated with deliberate power gain, which he totally played into during the later half of the first TG, so it would be a natural assumption for ghouls to make that he understood that he was acting exactly as his gender is socially expected to. and in a way that would socially cement his powerful omega status.

Tsukiyama would totally say something about it, since with the whole affluent family thing he’d probably be very aware of gender and social dynamics, but anything shuu says can be followed by “and he called me a cabbage in French last week, so okay shuu, whatever poetics ‘omega’ means to u, go ahead, have your fun buddy.” Banjou, who was involved with Rize, would be too worried about offending him or making it embarrassing to say anything. and as a ghoul even lower than shuu, he’d be super conservative about getting up in an omega’s business. It would just be this ambiguous open secret that everyone but Kaneki is totally, painfully aware of. the gasmask trio find this hilarious. Hina is a wee bab whose parent was a doctor for ghouls, so she just accepts her big bro as is.

so there’s eto’s expectations to be basically an underling to someone powerful as a normal, comfortable relationship dynamic, pitted against kaneki’s human-embedded inclination toward monogamy and not something that feels like weird bdsm domination stuff. they each are expecting a certain treatment from one another, and not getting it. eto feels neglected, since he isn’t all in her business and allowing her to settle in the shadow of his power and just ride things out, and kaneki, with only human expectations for sex, gender, and whatever the hell just happened, expects the worst from her as the “““male”““ in the relationship who manipulated him.

the conflict is that neither happens.

all of the power is on his side of the court, but in human terms, it feels like the opposite - vis a vis, human misogyny and all the horrible expectations for a sex and reproduction based marriage system that go along with that.

which is why i’ve inverted all that to make myself feel better :)

2) i kicked knots out bc idk about that business, but there have to be other physical differences. there have to be, or its boring. and then again, since both are hybrids, what should either have?

i’ve decided eto will have all physical differences or a learned equivalent due to ghoul socialization, while kaneki should have none but whatever was forced on him through his kakuhou - ie, pheromone stuff, but nothing more.

ghouls can purr, bc i am weak to that shit. Kaneki is aware of this. it’s just a Thing that they do. he’s read to Hina and she’s fallen asleep purring before and it was adorable. irimi purrs very quietly when she cleans things. uta is a purr machine when he makes masks, and it knocks yomo out unless he’s drunk, then he just purrs like a truck engine from the floor near uta’s desk for three hours. touka hasn’t purred since ayato left

eto purrs when she’s satisfied with her writing flow, which is one of the main reasons she prefers to work alone in her apartment and keep shiono out. otherwise, she doesn’t mind company. she also purrs when happy, like most ghouls. kaneki does not. i can site Haise’s RC scan on this: since he never took damage to the throat, he never had a chance to heal ‘more ghoul’ in that area.

so the exchange of a happy eto, deeply content with their uneasy peace, purring to express such delight, meets a blank wall that doesn’t agree. her social expression of happiness clashes up against kaneki only maybe leaning toward physical affection and being quiet. he can understand that she is happy, and she can understand that he can’t respond in the same way, but the dynamics of their relationship make her doubt her actions and get instinctually afraid of doing something wrong and upsetting someone much more powerful than her who also decides if she is allowed to reproduce with him or not. and stops purring and gets unsettled. kaneki is only confused and maybe she doesn’t like being touched? time to touch less. oh no, she did do Something Wrong and now omega is mad at her!! interpersonal drama escalates on both sides >:3c

ghouls have great night vision. kaneki also does and you know why. youve read the series. full ghouls have tapetum lucidum in both eyes, but eto only has it in her single ghoul eye. her vision is unbalanced in the dark but due to her learning to compensate for the slight reduction in light capture on one side she gets by just fine. it also parallels nicely with arima’s poor eyesight and learning to compensate for it.

ghouls are crepuscular while humans are diurnal, but this doesn’t matter since neither of etoneki know what a sleep schedule is. and the 24th ward doesn’t experience day/night cycles, so they have their own issues with sleeping when safe, do not sleep when not safe.

ghouls tend toward pack structure, but not in a rigid way where there can only be one omega/powerful ghoul per unit. as long as everybody gets along personally, its fine. omega don’t see each other as competition. alpha toss themselves at their feet without prompting. they’re not a scarce resource. alpha don’t even really fight over omega unless completely affected by heat and rut cycles and unable to grasp the concept of maybe next time. but even that is rare, mostly only those who are jealous as a person attempt this. if alpha fight over an omega and one wins, the omega might just kill them for taking away some of their prospects, or might be impressed by the show of strength. or annoyed by it, bc they want weak underlings. depends on the person. (eto is more than a bit possessive, at least for his first heat.)

more on this point as i think of it.

3)  I haven’t specified kaneki’s personal gender identity for a reason. that reason is that i’m not sure what direction i want to go. this is strictly for maman, not Sugar, which is trans girl Sasako forever. for this piece of feti/sh garbage? whom knows! (I know. and until word of god says otherwise - i’m god - every character is trans.)

but really, there’s options. and i love them all.

A) kaneki was trans all along. hide is best bi bud. aunt was a bitch, but nothing worse than canon since he was closeted at the time, although he doubly prepared to never speak to her again. (true neutral)

B) woke up a ghoul and with new parts. why believe a species change but not a sex change, eh? heightens the early game confusion and search for id as a person whose major ids have changed against his will. (lawful neutral)

C) gradual transformation. like how he came into his strength as a ghoul slowly. read a doujin like this once. was okay. quality art, big titties, 8/10. ngl would read the sequel. (Perhaps I am writing the sequel? aren’t we all just chasing our Brands across the lonely internet, hopping from one computer virus to the next? maybe u die reading hentai, or u live long enough to see urself post to ao3.) (chaotic neutral)

D) heals himself a new set of parts due to intense damage. see the haise RC chart, which has a ton of pathways around the hips/torso area. parallels with cutting eto in half?? (also lawful neutral)

E) started happening as a transformation when eto’s pheromones triggered his heat cycle for the first time. boy would he be pissed at her X2 lmao (lawful evil)

F) transformation during #240 time due to losing all memory and only having instinct to structure his body with, and just enough RC pathways to make a hormone based transformation possible. Chiba would have had a field day, but also would have torn out his horrible bowl cut in confusion. get rekt bud. not even #240 knows wtf goin on (neutral evil)

G) maybe he just wanted a vag! thought about that?? learns he is supposed to be able to manipulate his flesh like his kagune, which he is canonically great at, and just Goes For It. it works. he is a strong, dependent idiot who don’t need no dick. (iconic)

H) same as above, but that’s just what Haise does when he has the reigns. looks deep into his pastless self and asks ‘do i have to put up with this cis nonsense? not today.’ (chaotic iconic)

I) it happens suddenly when he activates his kakuja for the first time. queer the monster transformation u wish to see in the world. just. so confused. but also there’s Guilt to be felt about banjou and amon and such, so that’s back burner. (chaotic evil)

okay, so in like fifteen minutes i was able to name 9 perfect opportunities for ishida to carry though the motif of 1)iding with female ghouls 2)paralleling with canon trans man mutsuki 3)litcherally having a female ghoul organ donation fiasco 4)being associated with vacillating between masculine yang and feminine yin black/white 5)having a narrative that revolved around accepting his body and learning to find his own strength and id that is different than what he was born with - but coward ishida stopped sixty miles short of the mark. fool. I Cannot Feast Upon Crumbs, Sir. Sir, You Have Given Me Airplane Peanuts For Supper. Sir, I Am Starving And Antagonistic At Best.

(i shouldn’t call him a coward. three huge series magically having the same Wife And Kids ending all during the time shinzou abe is in office? probably not a coincidence. hope they got a good payout for it. i’d sell out for that $$$ too tbh)

eto is just an alpha. her human social id is a Normal Human Female Who Is Totally Cis and Straight for maximum social acceptance and ease of integration, but that’s only her mask. her personal id is an alpha, which is cis by ghoul standards, and she uses she/her pronouns bc she feels like it. she has the power to id as above alpha, but she enjoys the social invisibility it gives her, since she can blend in the background whereever and noone looks at her presumably weak ass twice. like chie, but for nefarious purposes.

....does that make her the equivalent of a ghoul feminist? i’m getting Too Deep

4) the wards can be isolated and far apart, and its been explored in canon with the Three Blades family and the white suites - congrats u 2 - and ghoul organizations that have a home ward having distinct cultural differences from one another. small ethnic groups and isolated diaspora? natives? subset?? of whatever the 24th ward ghouls - sorry, tokyo humans - are.

this sort of thing is only tangentially related to kaneki. if someone with a texas accent teaches someone to speak english, that person will have that accent, whether they’v ever been to texas or not. so he has some of the social mannerisms of a 20th ward ghoul, but generally still has a lot of ingrained human attributes to confuse them.

5) i’m still fascinated by the half finished thought about there are just some ghouls who become binge eaters in canon. like Rize wasn’t special for it. I think shinohara mentioned this?? but. it makes sense. general food insecurity, lack of permanent social support, total oppression, absurd power levels, plenty of humans to take it out on...ye.

and kaneki has the kakuhou of an adult binge eater. there’s cool hints of the kakuhou being parasitic, so a mature one would def fall into the biological fulfillment of binge eating for strength and carry that genetic knowledge into a new host. and from there, it would induce cravings, serotonin reward systems, and all that good stuff to get what its come to like.... like, mayhaps, a cordycepts? ;)

well, i’ve put ‘binge eater’ down as just a general omega trait, since it feels authentic to do so, so we’ll see what i do with this in the future. i will also see, since i too am ignorant of my own self. what will my horny subconscious do next? i am usually the last to know.

anyway,

peace

[coromoor]

Hey cor, just a quick question. Do you think what Arima did to Kaneki when he was in his 240 state until he became Haise can be called "brainwash"?

No I wouldn’t classify that as brainwashing, ‘manipulation’ would be a better word. In chapter 67 we see the moment that Kaneki’s memories were lost.

When Arima first visits Kaneki in Cochlea, he’s half mad, crying out that he needs to save Anteiku. Now that we know Arima and Eto were working together and that they had planned for Kaneki to be a candidate as their next One Eyed King, it gives a bit more context to this scene. In this state Kaneki was useless for their plans. Their OEK can’t be a sobbing mess. Which is when Arima tries to break his spirit, to snap him out of his frenzy

Afterall, it was Arima who chose him as worthy for this role after their fight in V14  (and I still believe the Witch’s Servant theory where Eto sent her candidate Kaneki to Arima to be tested via Hide, telling Hide it was a way to save Kaneki)

and Kaneki, as a means of escape from a reality where all his loved ones are dead, where he failed to save them, has his mind wiped clean as a way to protect himself (traumatic amnesia)

That’s why Kaneki thinks of Haise as his “happy dream”, because he could forget his loss and “go to sleep”. 

At first, Kaneki was only ever meant to be a tool, someone to be used and molded into the next OEK. Arima never bargained on coming to care for Haise over time.

[toukaisbetterthanyou]

Can you explain what happened to Kaneki for him to turn into 280 ? Why is he so insane ?

Mod K:

Do you mean 240?

Well, 240 was a direct result to Ken getting his eyes stabbed out by Arima. He seemed to also suffer brain damage from the injury as Arima stabbed through his head to pierce his eyes. He had no memory, aside from panic over his friends at anteiku being murdered all while not being able to do anything about it. I think the better question is how was he able to “recover” as quickly as he did (as Haise).

[lisusama]

Touken Week; Day 3; #240

A bit late but I was busy. I’ve seem too much Touka hugging #240 so here’s a change.  

AU where #240 is a bedridden kid wanting to see his favorite pop idol Touka so daddy Arima took him to the concert.

[xerziartblog]

it’s 3:30 am and I should be asleep but instead I’m just making terrible decisions and even worse art ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[seraphine16]

Red Strings of Fate – Part 3/6

Part 1; Part 2;

Prompt: Lost

Summary: Soulmates are tied by red strings. You can cut yours if you want to, then you’ll be reassigned to someone else, someone who’s perhaps- better. But beware; If you cut it three times, you will end up alone for the rest of your life.

Rating: T for now, will be mild M in the next chapter

Words: 547

Notes: Ahhh this is very short. I promise the next part will be longer. Enjoy and let me know what you think! :)

Weeks passed by.

Touka peered at her pinky finger. There was no string tied around it.

She missed him, badly. His stupid smile. His stupid face. His stupid behavior. 

But she’d lost him.

Forever.

 She shouldn’t be like this. She shouldn’t cry every single night. He wasn’t her soulmate anymore.

She shouldn’t even care. But she did.

She waited.

Even when she knew she would be destined with another guy, and he would be with another girl.

 She built a home for him to return to.

Kaneki Ken sat on the bed in the small closed cell, painfully staring at his bare pinky finger. His right hand clutched his chest, his heart aching from his own action weeks ago.

He did not regret it, because his action actually saved her.

Saved her from being captured as well, or worse- killed.

Saved her time from keeping on waiting for him, as he was imprisoned in the Cochlea until God knows when.

Saved her future, as she would find her second soulmate hopefully soon, so that she could live happily.

 Too deep in concentration, he didn’t even realize Arima Kishou had entered the cell, placing several new books on the cold hard tile beside the bed.

His eyes followed the half-ghoul’s gaze.

“No string?” He asked as he sat on the edge of the bed, facing him.

“Ah, Arima-san. I’m sorry I didn’t realize-“

“It’s alright.” He cut off, his eyes staring at the half-ghoul’s pinky finger. “Do you long to be loved, Number 240?”

Kaneki might have blushed if he were still his naïve self a year ago. But he didn’t.

“I- I did have one, no- two soulmates, previously.”

“Really?” Arima pushed his rectangle glasses higher on to the bridge of his nose. “What happened?”

“I didn’t love my first soulmate, but, I- I do love my second one.” He felt a bit embarrassed for confessing about his feelings openly, but Arima had been so kind to him that he felt like the investigator deserved to know more about him.

“Why is your finger bare then?”

“ …I cut the string.”

A deafening silence fell over them. He exhaled a heavy breath, and pressed his hands against his face before continuing.

“I just- I want her to be happy, I can’t give her happiness. She should be happy with someone else.” He whimpered.

“Don’t you think she’ll be happier if she stayed with you?”

“No.” His head shook slowly. “She won’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m here.” Trapped. In this cell.

Kaneki’s hands were still covering his face, he looked so pathetic that Arima decided to ask his next question.

“Do you want her back?”

The answer was obvious as gasp escaped his lips, but he bit his lower lip right after.

“I can’t. We- we’re not soulmates anymore.” His heart ached painfully in his chest, as if it was going to burst any moment.

Arima sighed lightly before asking him the final question.

“If you were given a new life, a new chance, do you want to be with her again?”

Kaneki was bewildered by the odd question, but still answered it truthfully.

“Yes.”

Unfortunately, a few days later, his memory failed him. Not just his memory of his soulmate, but of everything.

Arima, however, kept his promise.