#AT LEAST I SUBMITTED AN MFA APPLICATION

[devotedtosadpoetry]

with each submission the weight is lifted little by little….

[bigmammallama5]

I want to talk a little about rejection in the art community. Specifically rejection of work or applications or anything that falls under that category.

I grew up drawing knowing I only wanted to do art for a living. Apparently when I was 4 I told my mother I wanted to be a potter (I don’t remember this but she likes to remind me). I was lucky enough to take classes all through school and even ended up going to get a Bachelor’s in Fine Arts. I’m also considering going back for an MFA once I figure out how the hell to survive through a pandemic for the next year.

One thing that happens a lot in the art field regardless of focus, is rejection. You apply for a job and you don’t get it. You submit your best work for a yearbook cover, and no one votes for it. You put your work in fairs, you enter it into contests, you don’t win anything. You submit applications for fan-run zines and they don’t have room for you. You apply for the illustration or animation programs at your university and, “sorry, your skill level isn’t what we’re looking for.” You don’t get a call back from a studio after working a time or two. You don’t get to attend the university program you’ve been looking at for years. You submit designs for years and years at your design job and 99% of them never go anywhere. You post something on your social media and it doesn’t get any attention. The list goes on.

Rejection is sadly a common occurrence for creative people, especially now that the internet is so fully saturated with so many of us putting art out into the world. There are opportunities but they’re limited. Some are unfairly limited through racism or sexism or homophobia or a cocktail of all three. Some are unfortunately limited because of something as annoying as physical printing space. And yes, sometimes you just aren’t to the level of the other people applying.

All of those examples I just listed have been rejections that I have gotten. I know that personally my art was no where near developed enough to be submitting to some of the things I was looking at, but I did it anyways because why not? At least I know the level of work that person or publication wants for future projects now. Each one of them hurt to a degree, some more than others. Not all of them had a lesson for me, some just didn’t work out.

When faced with rejection the best thing you can do is address it, and then figure out how to move forward. It’s hard, trust me I KNOW. It sucks to feel like you’re going no where and just spinning your wheels and it’s all your fault. Maybe you were relying on that One Thing to make ends meet and now you can only scream and hope you can make it until the next paycheck. I’m living paycheck to paycheck I get it. 

Rejection happens. Learn how to deal with it in a healthy way before you let it fester and sour what you love doing. Learn how to let it roll off of your back once you’ve acknowledged it. It’s still something I struggle with every day and I have to fight every day to not lose that enjoyment of creating something. Those big artists and writers and photographers and video editors and content creators that you see on your timelines all the time? Every single one of those people have gotten their work rejected so many times they’ve lost count.

One last thing. The art community talks. We talk about the people that we wanted to take onto projects-but couldn’t. We talk about what that person was like and their attitude. We pass along names to other artists who are looking for help or looking for work. We want to help each other out more than you may realize. We also talk about the people we weren’t able to include who turned mean. One of the worst things you can do both to yourself and others is lash out. Not only is it ugly to the person you’re attacking, you’re also tearing yourself down. That catharsis in the moment is only going to make you feel even worse later. If you find yourself falling into that mindset of lashing out, it’s time to step back and assess what your intentions are. The harsh reality is that even if you’re an awesome artist a bad attitude is going to hurt you.

Rejection happens. It’s up to you how you choose to tackle it.

[i-write-shakespeare-not-disney]

whats happening with tumblr? i know you've had issues before but idk if they're the same ones

Just not a great place for content creation. The like to reblog ratios are really rough and tbh it kind of makes me wonder why I bother posting certain stuff here. Instagram at least has a wider reach and I dont have the expectation of someone reblogging and ao3 allows comments to show up as a whole for the specific work. Plus I think if I figure out how to market my ao3 work on IG itll help too. Because tbh the kudos to hits ratio on ao3 also hurts a bit 😂 y que ni se diga on the comments.

Idk maybe I'm just in my head too much but it gets exhausting to be so hyper focused on making something and wanting to share only to for it to be liked and all the reblogs are me desperately trying to make a name for myself in a certain space. Like. I'm not paid for content, I dont receive any reward beside comments which I love, but you know writing is time consuming so its like.... I think about it and I'm like I sit here writing for hours, sometimes into 3am, only for people not to take 5 seconds to reblog and help it get seen. In which case I could just drop these things and focus on something that'll get me forward in my career like editing my manuscript or creating fiction pieces to submit with an MFA application.... but I also really want these things written out for my own sake and those who are reading and responding (particularly ao3, especially the last TaH chapter like that!!!! Got so many responses!!!!! It fueled me and pulled me out of writers block). Because in the end my motto is still to write what I want to read, for myself. I'm just. Reblogs and kudos would be nice 😂

God I sound entitled af

I always bring this up nwjdjdjd

[delciastudies]

[03.12.19] ✧ 57 days of productivity

ft. my messy global studies notes, but they looked kinda cute in this section x

Today I got one of my paper’s edited, which is great! My final research paper is due tomorrow at 3:30pm, as well as my literature review. I’ve been avoiding it for a hot minute but it’s actually not as hard as I thought.

Here’s my grad programs-- and it’s not changing anymore I promise!

University of Edinburgh College of Art - MSc in Modern and Contemporary Art: Curating and Criticism 

Columbia University - MA in Modern and Contemporary Art: Critical and Curatorial Studies

Utrecht University - MA in Art and Society

Erasmus University Rotterdam - MA in Art, Culture and Society

The Modern Institute of Contemporary Art (MICA) - MFA in Community Arts

If any of y’all noticed, I turned all of my graduate program plans on their head this past month. I had my mind set on getting my PhD in anthropology, and here I am applying to art MA programs. However, I can say I am very very happy with my choices, and glad I took the initiative to change my mind, even at this late of a stage in my graduate application process and at the end of fall quarter of my senior year (with roughly 2 classes left of undergrad).

Moral of the story? It’s okay to change your mind, especially if that change is something that makes you happy, aligns better with your personal aspirations and interests, and is something you can see yourself doing in 10 years.

I’m thrilled and excited for the future, to say the least.

Tomorrow’s to-dos: (3 big assignments!) ✧ Finish editing materiality paper: read aloud, email peer reviewer, potentially other classmates - Submit at 3:30pm ✧ Finish literature review - send to Dr. Hoelle ✧ Complete GLOBL pop quiz #3; go through lectures, notes, and book - due by 12pm

✧ Mood: 70% content, 30% stressed ✧ Energy: 30%  ✧ Sleep: 8h ✧ Listening to: spin with you ✧ Water: 6 glasses ✧ Medicine: --- ✧ Skincare: improving! actually! ✧ What made me happy today: the rain, my makeup and my sweater ✧ What made me proud today: getting done the things I needed to, feeling proud of myself for catching up on the things I was supposed to.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday! Hopefully this week I will be doing a masterpost on how to ask for letters of recommendation, so keep an eye out for that!! ily all xx

[countessgradula]

So I’m late on a proper New Year’s post, but one of my things (I’m not doing resolutions this year, I’m doing “things I’d like to try”) is not guilting myself as much when the schedule for something non-urgent shifts around. I had family over, then I headed back to my apartment, and I’ve spent the last two days cleaning and organizing and then reading for class. Today is the first day of my Spring semester, so we’ll say this is a reflection post for that.

Anyway! I haven’t re-upped my intro post since I first started this blog. Under the cut, for scrolling flow purposes:

I think I’m going to stick with going by Countess for now, just because. Depending how this next semester goes, maybe I’ll use my initials later or something. My department is pretty small, and while I have a couple friends following me (hi!) it’s bc I felt comfortable with them doing so and directly gave them my url. So, doing this for a bit longer.

I’m a first year PhD student in English at a university in the Southern U.S.

I’m primarily a Gothicist, and have recently gotten more into writing about Southern Gothic, given where I’m from/where I’m going to school

On top of that, I research the current iteration of the Romance genre (which I’ve alternated between calling Contemporary Romance or Popular Romance, trying to avoid confusion with contemporary-set romance novels but also with the older connotations of capital-R Romance), but I haven’t gotten to explore that as much recently

I didn’t want to go into my full research questions here, both for the sake of space and preservation, but if anyone is ever curious, I’m always down to talk about them!

I’m the first person in my immediate family to go to grad school, and the first person in my entire family going for something Humanities-related, so that occasionally leads to some Interesting conversations with well-meaning relatives

I’m TAing again this semester and will be an instructor of record next semester, about which I oscillate from “yay!” to “yikes!” and back again on an alarmingly quick basis

In my solo downtime I watch a lot of movies, especially horror (one of my BAs is in film), play video games pretty casually, and write fiction for myself (my other BA was in creative writing).

Speaking of that, I actually applied for MFA programs my first application cycle, but had a change of heart and went the PhD route on my second. If anyone ever has any questions about that process, I’d be happy to chat.

I’m also working on cooking/baking more; mostly pastas and sweets for now, respectively, but I’m trying to expand my repertoire

On the off-chance this is helpful to anybody: I have some sort of anxiety - I haven’t been formally diagnosed, but I’ve lived with the physical symptoms long enough to know it’s definitely something of the sort. I also have shown similar tendencies in the past to OCD and ADHD, and while I can’t say for sure I have either, I’ve found tips to help cope with those have also helped me function in the day-to-day, so I try to pay particular attention to discussions about those in academia (which might, in turn, be reblogged here for my own reference).

Having discussed my Right Now, so to speak, I’d love to discuss my New Year.

A few things I’m proud of from 2018:

Briefly had a job in accounting and didn’t do terribly, which made me braver about some things I previously thought I would only ever be bad at (math, I’m talking about math.)

Actually got into grad school, finally

Relocated to a new city in a state where I’d never lived and had no family nearby, successfully

Passed my first semester (grades aren’t everything, but it’s a big deal to me)

Got accepted to my first conference (one being held on campus, but still)

Outside of academics, generally just survived what was personally a really rough year due to a perfect storm of bad circumstances

Some things I’d like to try in 2019:

Submitting an abstract to this really big conference I’m looking forward to and hopefully getting accepted

Making a point to correct my posture whenever I can - I’m a bisexual who can’t sit properly in chairs, but at least when I need to be presentable I’ll make the effort

Not talking down myself or my achievements - I have this habit of minimizing my contributions or my projects when I talk (“oh, no big deal” “I might be wrong, but”) and I need to put a stop to that, even if I’m trying to poke fun at myself. I did the work and I earned whatever I got, so while I don’t want to brag per se, I can at least stop selling myself short.

Make a point to put my phone down whenever I catch myself mindlessly scrolling or refreshing - honestly, you’d think I would have done this earlier with how annoyed I get with some of the things I read online (the fiction discourse here is less inviting than a lukewarm salad bar with no sneeze guard). I’m hoping to replace it with actually reading a few pages of a book for fun, since I don’t want to encroach on breaks with more work. Maybe I’ll actually get a whole novel read during my semester, who knows.

Finally, find more places in my new city to have fun and take more pictures - I’m normally pretty selfie-adverse, but I’d rather have bad photos than none at all.

And I think that’s a new place to leave it for now; if you read all this way, you’re a peach and I appreciate you.

Here’s hoping this is the year we finally go after everything we want, unapologetically.

[themidnightrulesarebreakin]

Happy new year I’m going to bed to nurse this stomachache and wake up tomorrow ready to work on myself and the positive things I want to do in 2018.

But before I do that I want to think through a couple things, so hit J if you don’t want to read them.

2017 wasn’t the year I expected it to be. I didn’t get into grad school. I didn’t get the jobs I wanted, because those required me to be a graduate student. I realized my relationship with my (now ex) boyfriend was horribly abusive and I needed out. But I didn’t get the satisfaction of breaking up with him. He took everything from me, and he took that too.

I got into my first car accident. I felt like everything--everything--was going wrong. I felt like my life was on the completely wrong track and like I would never be able to fix things.

2017 wasn’t the year I wanted by any long shot. But it was the year I needed.

I graduated college, first off. That’s nothing to turn my nose up at. Not getting into grad school kicked my ass into high gear and I’ve spent this whole year working as hard as I can to improve my writing to become a writer worthy of working in an MFA program. Submitted five new applications. Here’s hoping I get in this time around.

Getting out of that relationship was the best damn thing that could’ve happened to me, no matter how it happened. I still wake up from horrific nightmares about the things he did to me. I still miss him, even though I know I shouldn’t. Some days are much, much harder than others. It’s been four months. I don’t expect to be over it yet, and with everything he did to me I know it’s going to take a lot more time. But at least I’m not quaking in fear at the thought of another person touching me. That was. Something I hope I never experience again. And I’m working to make sure I am better equipped to never suffer through another abusive relationship because I believe I can make it work. I don’t have to do that to myself.

Starting therapy back up was a blessing. Not only did I meet the best therapist I’ve ever had, even if we were only able to work together for three months, but she allowed me the space and the freedom to work through all the things he did to me and to be able to process and come to my own conclusions. It was exactly what I needed, even though it is exactly what I was so scared of. And I’m looking forward to continuing the work we started with my new therapist in the new year.

Nick got me into Critical Role, which has been one of the most positive forces I’ve had to get me through the hell this year has put me through. I honestly don’t know what I would’ve done without those nerds. (Nick included).

Emotionally this year put me through the ringer. It put me through challenges I didn’t know, at the time, if I would be able to surmount. But for once in my life, I’m fucking proud of the fact I’m still here. I’m proud of the fact I’m so looking forward to next year. And I’m proud of the things I’ve planned for myself.

Okay. It is definitely bed time now. Happy 2018 y’all.

[verdantwinter]

Finally scraped enough of myself together to submit an Application for the MFA program at Yale o-o. And I even got it in with more than an hour to spare. (Minus a recommendation letter that I am hoping will get there asap). Now when I don’t get in at least I can say I paid the application fee for nothing tried.

Protip for anyone applying to… well anything but especially undergrad/grad school:

Give your teachers as much time as you possibly can to get your letter written. (I imagine this is not new to most people, but it is important)

Ask for more than three letters so that if one of them falls through you have backups! 

Some applications want the teachers to send the letters in themselves these days. Make sure you give them enough time to see the email and submit it. 

Anyway. Just five more applications and I can start doing digital art again! Who knows what I shall do firstttt. 

[montydonaldson7-blog]

Transfers.

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[qanoor]

as my mother and grandmother keep fighting over useless things, and as pandora plays on my grandmother’s subpar tv that i was uselessly trying to connect my phone’s music to earlier (i did not succeed)... i am trying to figure out some more things i could say about why i want to pursue a PhD (and possibly also an MFA; i am applying to both types of programs, but i definitely want a PhD either way). i feel like everything i say is so... limited, and i remember how struck i was reading padma’s drafts for her statement of purpose, and i wish i could articulate... but i am so tired, and that’s really the crux of it, exhaustion

i want to go back to school, try to keep being in school, want to teach eventually, because i am sick and crazy and disabled and otherwise multiply marginalized and i have to try to choose something that isn’t continual poverty and/or depending on my parents (and who knows how long that could really last) while i still have a choice. this is not what adcoms want to hear! but i don’t have illusions about academia being some bright and wonderful place. i struggled so much in undergrad, took 4 yrs off between my junior and senior year not exactly out of choice, etc. etc. i feel so old and worn down already, but we live and are implicated in systems of injustice and there is no way out of that except death. and i would rather be in academia than basically every other profession. i certainly couldn’t do anything long-term that had no space at all for more radical politics, and the nonprofit world is just as bad as academia, and anyway, teaching and writing and making art are always things i’ve wanted to do, and it’s always going to be stymied by bureaucracy, but yeah.

and i’m not (good) enough and i worry i won’t get in anywhere and nobody wants to really hear the cynical beatdown version of why i’m doing this, or it just seems so futile then, but it isn’t, because the alternative is death and i am still trying to live. i know it seems silly to people who aren’t faced with this sense of direness -- surely there are more choices -- but there really aren’t, not once you’ve gotten down to the bare life of it all. and anyway this might not work either. it would be nice to live well enough, long enough, or loved enough, but i don’t have any illusions about any sense of goodness, certainly not in any permanent way. the other day i was talking to sof about being creaky ninety-yr-old cats and sof doesn’t want to be that, not even if there are advancements in technology that involve better care / accommodations / changes for ageing and disability, and it made me so sad because i remember when sof wanted to live a long long long time, wanted to be cryogenically(?) stored, all these fantasies of technology and restoration. but we all get beaten down eventually and it doesn’t really seem worth it at some point and i know it was always complicated for sof too, but still. i guess i just never wanted, not really, not even when i wanted them to intimately share every pain of mine, for them to feel this terrible.

i am at my grandmother’s newer place in this luxurious senior living community and i have a cold and i am swamped in PhD applications and i am so sad. last year i applied to MFA programs and felt like i wasn’t qualified enough to apply to PhD programs and this year not much has changed but i guess i’m winging it and hoping i am qualified enough. i wish i’d gotten into better MFA programs last year, ones with funding. i wish i was at an MFA program right now. i wish i was living in california with my loves right now, but my loves are probably not going to move with me even if i do get in somewhere with better funding this time around (i am still hopeful) and i am so sad.

i should work on incorporating more sources into the paper i am sending out as an academic sample, this paper that i also want to submit for publication to academic journals. i don’t think i can include more sources within the limited page lengths programs want, but for the publication aspect, at least... anyway, it is probably not going to get published anywhere, or, well, i don’t know. half the time i read it, or parts of it, and i don’t know if i agree anymore, or if i even understand everything i wrote. there is this whole section that analyzes foucault’s writing on the deployment of alliance & the deployment of sexuality in the history of sexuality, vol. 1 and i honestly can’t quite completely follow it anymore, but it seems well-analyzed, so after trying to edit it down i just decided to leave it in. will i also become another academic who writes things that don’t quite make sense, even to myself???

honestly even if i get in anywhere i probably won’t survive it, which is also something adcoms would not find promising, lol

i wish my mother and my grandmother would stop talking. i can’t do this and i have an application due at 3pm tomorrow