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spiral-writing-stuff · 11 months

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hi hi! i saw ur requests were open? (sorry if theyre closed)

Can i request a Akutagawa x gender neutral teen reader? (Platonic ofcou) basically reader looks up to Akutagawa and sees him as a older brother figure and akutagawa sees them as a younger sibling :3 can it be angst also? like where one of them is badly hurt and the other is crying and all that jazz

pls and thank you <3

authors note: Don’t worry! If my bio says requests are open then they are! I just take a while to write because there’s a lot of stuff going on in my life, so I’m really sorry this took so long! Im thinking of splitting this into 2-3 parts because I’m still thinking of how to write the rest of the story, I have the plot already in my head but I just need to put it into words. This request is sooo cute big brother akutagawa is just such a great concept:,) Also so sorry if the angst isn’t good lol I’m not very good at writing creative sad stuff! (Please give me feedback!😭) also sorry if it’s too angsty i think I went a little overboard again. I might edit this story later.

Sorry this took so long!

I also couldn’t decide if reader is older or younger than Gin so you guys decide.

I Hope it’s what you wanted!!<3

On a Silver Night

Content/Warnings: angst, gore, blood/injury, abuse/child abuse, death, Dazai being a bastard, lmk if I missed anything

For as long as you can remember, Ryūnosuke was always protecting you and gin, as if you two are the thing he lives for. which you both are at this point He has always tried his hardest to defend you, gin, and the other children from thieves and abusive adults, he didn’t do it to be righteous, nor did he do it to feel better about himself, he just did. At least, that’s what you thought, it was hard deciphering his intent because everything he did, he did with the same, emotionless stare. People would always mention this fact. Even when he was killing, stealing, or when you found some food or someone told a joke, he always had the same blank expression. You thought it was funny sometimes though he never once showed any emotion, that didn’t matter to you, his actions spoke clearer than any words could.

Like when he would sometimes hug you and gin to keep you warm during cold nights, when he found food he would share it with the two of you first. And if anyone dared to threaten or try to hurt any of you they would be dead in an instant by Rashōmon’s sharp fangs. Yes, his facial expressions didn’t matter, he was trying his hardest to keep you and Gin from experiencing the harsh cruelty of the word, but he was still just a boy himself. There wasn’t much a malnourished and frail child could do, yet he persisted, despite how many times he’d fallen. You looked up to him and had a deep respect for him because of this.

Even though it was a horrible situation all of you were living in, you were happy just to be with your older brother, sister and the other children. Among all the other children, You, Gin and Ryūnosuke were the ones you were closest to.

Until that fateful day, when a group of criminals murdered all the other children in cold blood, leaving You and Gin injured, and Ryūnosuke thirsty for blood.

~ ~ ~

Gin had helped Akutagawa escape but you three got separated amidst the chaos and confusion, you held Gin’s hand tightly as you two ran and ran until you two were exhausted, collapsing onto the damp, cold ground. The air was foggy and cold, the night dark while the moon illuminated your surroundings with a silver light. After a few minutes of struggling to catch your breath you got up from the dirty ground and remembered only Gin was with you, Ryūnosuke had ran off in search of the criminals who killed your friends. Fear and panic shot through your body, terrified that Ryū was going to get himself killed.

“G-gin! W-we have to find Ryū!” You said to Gin in a rushed shaky voice. She swiftly nodded.

You two began running, this time slower due to how tired you both were. You were heading in the direction of where the shipment was said to be taking place.

“Gin! I think we’re almost there—“ you stopped when you saw a tall man walking in your direction with a shorter person. The shorter person had a black coat draped over his shoulders, the man seemed to be waking directly to you now, a smile on his face.

“Be careful Gin.. s-stand behind me..” you got in front of Gin just in case, until you realized the shorter person was Ryūnosuke, his eyes were slightly puffy and tearful, he had been crying. your heart dropping at the sight. Immediately you throw yourself at Ryū pulling him away from the mysterious man

“Just who are you and what are you doing with my big brother?!” You frantically yell at the man, hiding Ryū and Gin behind you

The man glares at you with boredom in his face, as if this was all nothing to him, but then he started to smirk slightly “Brother? Oh, I knew Akutagawa had a sister but I didn’t know he had another sibling. What’s your name?” He said with a mischievous face, He reached out his hand to seemingly pat your head but you smacked it away immediately, surprising him a bit “you didn’t answer my question-“ you felt a hand on your shoulder and turned around “Y/n…cough it’s okay..you don’t have to worry..” Ryū weakly said to you. Your heart ached at the sight of his bloodied and bruised face, looking down you can see he has bloody scratches on his knees, arms and legs, his entire body was hurt.

“Hm? Oh, right! Sorry about that! Where are my manners?” He said rather loudly “My name is Dazai Osamu, I just got promoted to a Mafia Executive today, Which means, I now have the authority to do certain things. like taking anyone as my subordinate, and your brother here has accepted my offer.” Dazai said soft-spoken yet somehow overbearing with a kind smile that didn’t reach his eyes. You were confused by the man’s statement, many thoughts ran through your mind;

“Would Ryūnosuke really agree to join the mafia? Especially join through this guy? How would we be guaranteed safety? What if this is just a trap to exploit Ryū’s ability? What if he kills us?”

You were pulled out of your thoughts by a dangerous, slightly condescending soft voice “you don’t have to worry, if i wanted you dead, I would have done so the second I laid eyes on you.” He said to you, it’s as if he read your mind. He was staring into your eyes as you stared back, his eyes void of any emotion, much like your brother’s, except you found a deep cruelness to them, it terrified you.

“Well, it was just gonna be Akutagawa here and his sister, but I can make arrangements, just for you.” His eyes went back to a neutral state “I promise,” he puts his hand on his chest “that the three of you will be fed, clothed, housed and compensated accordingly, as long as you work under me, no one else in the mafia will dare harm you.” Dazai reached his hand out to you, a sweet smile on his face

“so Y/n, do we have a deal?”

~ ~ ~

To be continued.

Notes: it is 5am as I write this, can you believe I’ve been writing and tweaking this since April 7th??!? And this isn’t even that long. What ADHD does to a mf

Honestly I’m not sure if I should continue this, obviously if more people wanna read it than yeah since I have the story already in my head, just need the motivation. So comment and tell me that you want more!!!

Anyways hope y’all enjoyed. Stay hydrated!

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irasamu · 8 months

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. . . (🍷) ֶָ֢ 𔓘 HOME IS WHERE YOU ARE ; an akutagawa ryuunosuke fic.❞

˗ˏˋ ꒰ 🍷 ꒱ . . . ahhhhhhhh finally the man i simp for is here!!

˗ˏˋ ꒰ 🍷 ꒱ . . . tw ; fem!reader, angst, comfort, hurt/comfort, husband!akutagawa, father!akutagawa, wife!reader, akutagawa siblings and their slight bonding time, akutagawa is insecure and feels he is a worthless shit, dazai angst (mentioned for aku regarding the older and his mentorship), slight suggestive ending and that's all i remember tbh

oxygen is absolutely essential for human survival and so are some more external factors which extends further then what a human's basic needs may require. however, we aren't talking about human needs but rather what one's humanity needs.

in initial years even the strongest man alive would need a father, a pillar of support and a bundle of knowledge.

of course the mafioso never had the privilege of having this one figure and rather he was this figure for his sister but only his sister knows if he played the role right or failed.

what he, the mafioso who is now on his way to exit the slums he grew up in, is sure of, is that he is failing as an actual father and as a husband.

"maybe if it was a daughter . . . instead of a son then . . . maybe you could've seen gin in your child and loved it." were the words you uttered in despair a week ago to him, what resulted in these words being spoken was the incompetent man himself who felt himself flater when he picked his son and the nearly one year old began crying. he wasn't scared or else you would've not wasted a second in taking him from akutagawa's arms but rather it was the feeling of finally being adored by the man whose appearance he takes after greatly that moved the naive heart of his son.

akutagawa couldn't take the horrifying resemblance out of his mind. the way your chin wobbled and lip quivered as you tried not to burst into tears and the eyes glossed over with tears which screamed of despair was what he found on his son's face as well. and he wondered, truly he did of who is more starved of love ; him, his son or you?

his only regret was that he stood like he always did whenever faced with the outburst of someone he is close to though the one who made him adopt such a habit isn't here anymore with him and the next morning, akutagawa had to leave for a week long mission overseas with his sister and of course he would crumble and his facade would break when gin found him staring at a picture of you and his son on his phone one night when he was fooled to think his sister had already submitted to her slumber, she didn't, she watched the previous and the night before it as well but waited for the cause of her brother's despair.

akutagawa pushed his hand into the pocket of his long coat and felt for the small velvet box as if the object could help to soothe his nerves and anxiety.

he told gin everything for who else if not her whenever something concerned you? when the topic revolved around you or around your son, the only person akutagawa trusted enough was his own flesh and blood. and he wonders why gin respects, admires and loves him so much when all gin felt was admiration for the man she feels fortunate to call brother.

but akutagawa doesn't feel so. he is but failure in the rawest form. a tragedy and a utter ugly and horrible mess of his past self which was broken by the mind of curiosity and joined back in a way he (akutagawa and the man who was once his mentor) knew there was no going back to who he was before. but that's fine after all, akutagawa had been a monster since birth.

akutagawa's hand left the box which oddly provided him with strength as he stood infront of the door behind which lied his home, he punched in the pass code before hearing the click of the lock unlocking and the cold of the metal he pushed down on felt a bit too chilly today.

or is this because he is scared of failing? of disappointing and of loosing the only chance he has of having a family of his own and proving to himself that he can be something more than a tossed aside toy?

akutagawa shook his head as he entered the apartment and closed the door behind him with his leg to see the boxes containing many items ranging from clothes to toys and teethers and various other items which akutagawa bought himself for his son with the assistance of his sister during the last two days after the mission was completed.

akutagawa took off his shoes and quietly strolled into the nursery room. he stood infront of the crib and peered down at the face of his son. akutagawa gulped as why was it that such an innocent soul was cursed to have features similar to him but just softer?

akutagawa's hands turned to fists by his sides as he continued to stare down at his son with a longing and he pondered for a while.

after what seemed like five minutes of contemplating, akutagawa saw his son stir in his sleep and he got alarmed thinking the little one would wake up at any moment. the little boy turned to face akutagawa and opened his eyes and oh.

akutagawa's heart beat fastened and his eyes widened at the innocence and purity in his eyes. he had this innocence once too. so did gin and maybe, maybe dazai did too?

akutagawa ridded himself of all these thoughts before he leaned down to pat his son's back, the latter looked up at akutagawa and the father had to brace himself and use everything in him to not cower under the pure stare of his son whose face brightened at the sight of his father. the boy giggled and the father closed his eyes, the combination of his son's giggles and his own heartbeat is oddly not that bad or unbearable to hear.

when akutagawa opened his eyes again he saw the boy raising his little chuuby fingers to akutagawa and he hesitantly raised his own hand towards his son as well but before the boy could take his father's finger in his hold, akutagawa flinched and pulled his shaking finger back.

the boy pouted but blinked for how can his young brain comprehend the horrors and anguish his father is experiencing?

akutagawa stared at his fingers and then at his son in horror, he couldn't let the soul filled with hope and dreams to be tainted by touching his hands which are daily stained in blood.

but when his son began to whine and babble as he made grabby hands at akutagawa, the mafioso could only stand his ground for a few seconds before his resolve crumbled and he extended his hand for his son to hold.

the little boy immediately latched his hand around akutagawa's fingers and giggled, a smile appearing on akutagawa's face as well. he turned to look towards the door to see you standing there, leaning on the doorway with your head against it and arms crossed over your chest.

akutagawa found it hard to breath but so did you. how were you supposed to talk to the one you are afraid of disappointing and how were you supposed to talk to the one who felt too scared to be cared for?

but one more glance at your husband's finger gripped by your son and your heart melted like it always did and you smiled in defeat at akutagawa, letting him know you had let your walls down again and are ready to talk to him again. the man widened his eyes slightly in surprise because truth be told, he seriously thought he failed and messed everything up this time and that this is the last time he would be able to see his son or you and hence he tried to savour the moment.

slowly and very faintly, akutagawa smiled back and tilted his head.

"i missed you."

there it is again, the feeling of hope of having a future brighter then the past when he read what you silently whispered and akutagawa nodded before he awkwardly looked at his son again, pursing his lips but then he looked at you and muttered,

"gin missed you both . . . and so did i."

the words makes you smile as you nod and turn around to leave the man alone in the company of his son. only lord knows how hard it must've been for your stoic husband who is generally bad with dealing with feeling and emotions to utter these words to you.

you smile as you sit on the couch and take your phone out to ask gin when she would be returning at night as the woman was immediately called to the port mafia headquarters for what you assume as her reporting her end of the mission. you hit the send button and scroll up to play the video again which gin sended you two nights ago, the video showed akutagawa with furrowed eyebrows as he compared two different types of rattling toys before looking at gin and shrugging, he said something along the lines of "both looks shit. how on earth do kids play with these?", before he tossed both into the shopping cart behind him as gin giggled.

you remember how when you saw the video for the first time and read the caption gin added 'looks like papa is trying to make up to his baby and wife.', made you smile and your anger immediately evaporated.

it must have been ten minutes later when you were leaning back on the couch with your legs on top of the coffee table infront of you when the door to the nursery was quietly closed, you turned your head to see akutagawa approach you after what you assumed was him putting his son to sleep, the thought itself made your heart swell with adoration.

". . . i put him to sleep." akutagawa whispered albeit he remained unsure of what to do. should he sit on the couch next to you or continue awkwardly standing infront of the coffee table under your gaze which seemed to see way beneath the layering of his clothes and skin and made him feel utterly exposed to you?

he decided on the former.

your voice isn't soft nor is it gentle, it is shaky and unstable, raspy and filled with sorrow. but akutagawa was never into that type anyway, the calm before the storm? yeah no. akutagawa knew the storm and felt calm in it for he is the one who grew through the storm and lives in it.

akutagawa sat next to you and you tilted your head in his direction as he contemplated before he extended his hands to grab your thighs and place your legs on his lap, it gave him a sense of security as he tricked his mind into believing he is being restrained until and unless you two clear the tension between you two but you both knew it was mostly so he could have something to focus on rather then looking into your eyes with the fear of his stoicism slipping away.

"it's not that you are a bad father." you began after concluding that he wasn't going to make the first move, you looked down as you picked on your nails to distract yourself, "you are trying. and that's what hurts ryuu. you are trying and i see it, i see your efforts but our son . . . he is not even one yet, he doesn't and won't understand it. us trying isn't enough for him because he will grow up to despise us both because he doesn't know you like i do, he hadn't seen you struggling and . . . and he won't see you as a father but as a man he shares the same features and last name with." you confess.

safety and protection is a luxury he never received but is trying to give.

"what good is not looking past your exterior? i just . . . love you alot to even think of you as a lost case." you answer before you look down as you part your lips but close them again before gathering the strength to look up at akutagawa, "are . . . i thought about this alot but . . ."

". . . i know." he answered after a long moment of silence and you looked at him, thickly gulping as the nimble and lithe fingers of your husband traces over your thigh. he pushes your nightgown upwards to reveal more of your skin to him. "maybe your biggest misfortune was falling for a monster like me."

the words hit you and you feel the effects of it physically, your breath got stuck in your throat or did they even ever travel through the windpipe because maybe the latter can explain why your eyes are getting teary.

your brain sighed at the way your heart is making these baseless excuses to explain its sadness at the words of the one it dances every day and night for.

akutagawa sadly looked at you and he felt time blurring around him, your eyes filled with tears were shining or maybe it was the light reflecting it?

okay but how will he explain his own heart beating faster as if mimicking your's to not let your heart dance the waltz of sorrow alone?

"then change my misfortune into fortune." your voice cracks as you look at him through teary eyes, head tilting as you smile in defeat and in response, akutagawa comfortingly squeezed the flesh of your thigh.

"what good is it having faith in a lost case?"

akutagawa closed his eyes as he repeated the words 'my husband' in the back of his head. the title fills good and soft on his tongue and maybe it's why his shoulders relaxed as he moved before laying down on the couch with you still on top of him as he didn't break the kiss for even a second.

you take a deep breath, "am i holding onto you against your wishes ryuu?"

you were going to clarify your meaning and feelings more but it all disappeared the moment you saw akutagawa stare at you in utter surprise on his usually stoic or sad and almost lost face. you take a few shaky breaths to not burst out crying as that'll just hinder your conversation and so instead, you shrug and try to smile admist your quivering lips.

"what made you think that?" he asked, voice uncharacteristically soft.

". . everything since the past few days." you answer and watch akutagawa pat your thigh as an indication to ask you to move closer to him.

"i told you i am a lost cause. i'll hurt you and disappoint you."

but how can he when even the tone he is using with you is one which felt as if it's a feather tickling you?

"i also told i don't care, i can take it as long as you love me." you mutter out, moving near him as you hide your face against his shoulder and akutagawa gripped your hips to lift you up before adjusting you to sit sideways on his lap.

"can you take it? are you ready to wait for an excruciatingly long period of time?" akutagawa muttered against the top of your head, his hand smoothed the nightgown cloth against your legs.

"always." you breath out, closing your eyes.

akutagawa looked down at you and shook his head, leaning down to kiss your nape before he mumbled against it, "you really are an idiot for saying this."

"let me be one then. a idiot in love." you peek up at him and akutagawa took it as an opportunity to cup your jaw and pull you towards his mouth.

"does this make me the fool trying and disappointing you every time?" he whispered against your lips and licked his own.

". . . you are a good father and a good husband. you . . . i just i don't know."

"you don't know?" akutagawa's lips curled up into a small and amused smile. you leaned near him and the distance between your lips and his is enough for someone watching from a distance to assume you two are kissing.

"i just know that i want to spend my life with you even if it means waiting for you, i just want to appreciate your efforts for me and our son but . . . that'll only be possible when you stop viewing yourself as a monster."

"and what am i if i am not a monster?"

"my husband." you close your eyes as you lean to kiss him, akutagawa hums before raising his hand to massage the spot behind your ear while the other gripped your thigh to pull you more onto his lap.

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