sunsetsandsunshine · 2 years ago
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~ You can always ask ~
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YAYAYAYAY AFTER PUTTING THIS OFF FOR WEEKS HERE IT IS: MY FIRST TMNT 2012 FIC!!! TAKE THAT WRITERS BLOCK!!! TAKE. THAT. LETS FREAKING GO AAHHHHH I MISS THESE DUMBASS BLORBOS AMNSSJKSLSOSM 💗💞💞💞💕💖💖💖💖
This is a gift to the spectacular @vxlepop!!!
Lee: Leo🐢💙
Ler: Mikey🐢🧡
Summary: Mikey has noticed throughout the week that his oldest brother has been acting…off. Call him paranoid all you want but he just…he just knows something’s up with Leo. And the youngest of the Hamato brothers’ is determined to figure out what’s bothering they’re leader in blue.
Warnings: Tickling and spacing out (just for a tad bit though). If you are uncomfortable that please scroll down- this fanfic is definitely not for you :)
(A/N: T*EST DNI. I WILL ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS PUT THIS AT THE BEGINNING OF MY FICS- I DON'T WANT THOSE PEOPLE GETTING CONFUSED. THEY'RE BROTHERS U DISGUSTING ASSHOLES. UR ABSOLUTELY NASTY IF U SHIP T*EST-! THATS COMMON SENSE!!! GUESS COMMON SENSE ISN’T THAT COMMON, HM?)
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Call Mikey paranoid. 
Call him a worry-wart. 
But his eldest brother, Leonardo, has been acting…off. And it’s been absolutely dreading Mikey inside this whole week to ask his eldest brother what was wrong. Leo’s been quiet, more than he usually is and even that alone is saying a lot. The oldest has been training with his swords non-stop, meditating like crazy and practicing speaking Japanese fluently, and not really talking to Mikey or his brothers, only if it had to do with those topics. 
Which…now that Mikey thinks about it, it does sound like everyday Leo. But he just knows that somethings wrong with the leader in blue…there’s got to be. Maybe Mikey is worrying too much, he is known to turn little things into a big deal after all. But on the other hand, he has been living with his brothers his whole darn life, if anyone would know if something was bothering one of them, he would know! …probably. 
And…now that Mikey thinks about it…
Leo hasn’t watched any Space Hero’s episodes this week…
Yup. Something was up. Mikey knew that for a fact now and you couldn’t tell him otherwise. But the real question is, what can Mikey do about it? Leo was very…closed off about his negative feelings, and didn’t like talking about them at all. Even though it was completely healthy and normal to feel negative emotions; literally every emotion is! His eldest brother told them that several times himself!
And yet, Leo never talks to Mikey or their other brothers about his negative feelings! Tch, what a hypocrite. 
And…maybe this is partially Mikey’s fault as well. Mikey has always falled for Leo’s “older sibling worry™”, but Mikey has never really worried about him that much. Sure, when Leo’s injured during a fight or he sees his brother patch up a bruise from training he asks if he’s okay…but other than that Mikey doesn’t ask him that question often.
But it’s not like Mikey didn’t care enough to ask Leo that! He does! He really does! But the thing is…Leo’s always they’re leader, they’re older brother, they’re protection. Leo’s always been the one that’s just…been there for Mikey and his brothers- ways that even they’re Father can’t compete with and the youngest can’t be anything more but grateful for that.
And…the sad truth is Leo isn’t just they’re leader or protection, under all those labels Leo’s just a kid. An amazing, strong, independent kid who has more on his plate than any other 15 year old should. And it seems Mikey, including everyone else AND Leo, forget that sometimes…
“MICHAELANGELO!” Mikey jumped from off the couch in the living room at the sudden random yell of his name, pulling him out of his thoughts. Mikey grabbed his nunchucks from off the cushion. He began to swing them, looking around the lair in hopes to find whomever called his name. “Who’s there?! How do you know my name?” The youngest turtle demanded, swinging his nunchucks faster and doing complicated tricks with them. 
“Mikey-“ 
Without a second thought Mikey closed his eyes and swung his nunchucks, coming in contact with a figure and them hitting the ground. Mikey opened his eyes and looked around before sighing in relief. A couple seconds after that the youngest heard a groan underneath him and looked down to see his older brother lying face flat. 
“Wait- Raph???” Mikey gasped, immediately dropping his nunchucks to examine his brother that was lying on the floor groaning lightly. “What’re you doing on the floor, bro?” Mikey chuckled, confused and intrigued to hear as to why his brother was currently kissing the lair floor. Raph slowly got up from off the floor; massaging the right side of his head as he glared at the youngest.
“I was comin’ to check up on ya after I finished nappin’, but ya nunchucks just wanted to get to know my head better I guess…” Raph huffed, crossing his arms around his plastron and shaking his head. Mikey stared at Raph confused, his nunchucks wanted to get to know Raph’s head better? 
Wait…
The youngest gasped in horror, going to his older brother and giving him a bone crushing hug. “Oh my god! Raph I’m so sorry! I spaced out and you know how I get when that happens so when I heard someone- apparently you call my name I just I dunno- reacted! I’m so sorry, is your head okay?!” Mikey rambled, releasing Raph from the hug and grabbed his head, shaking and examining him to make sure he wasn’t hurt. He continued to shake Raph’s head up, down, and to the side, making sure there weren't any bruises or cuts anywhere. 
Raph struggled but soon got out of Mikey's surprisingly strong hold on his head. The second oldest turtle sighed and patted Mikey’s shoulder, giving him a genuine smirk. “I’m okay, lil bro. I was just jokin’ with ya, the hit wasn’t even that hard.” Raph chuckled, now sitting on the couch as Mikey followed, sitting next to him.
“Are you sure…?” Mikey asked, fiddling with his fingers and looking up at Raph, guilt very evident on his face. “Positive.” The older replied, wrapping the younger into a side hug as the orange banded turtle fully gave into the hug. After a couple of seconds the two released from they’re embrace. The older went to grab the remote and turn on the TV, putting on some random channel before turning to Mikey.
“What’s got you so freaked out like that anyway?” Raph asked, concern written all over his face. Because, yeah, the nunchucks did hurt, badly. Obviously! I mean- they’re nunchucks. C’mon now. Raph’s a strong guy but he’s not that strong for the hit not to hurt. He just didn’t want Mikey to feel worse than he already did. 
There’s only been a couple of times where Mikey spaces out, completely unaware of anything that’s happening around him that he just…reacts when he’s able to get back to reality…if that makes sense. All those times being when he was around 7 or 8 years old, or sometimes when he’s really stressed about something. So for him to do it right now is a bit worrying… 
Guess old habits die hard. 
“It’s Leo…” Mikey said, looking down. Raph’s eyes widened, starting to  get up from the couch to grab his sai’s that were on a table, which were just a couple steps away. “What- what happened? Is Leo alright?” Raph asked. Did he miss something important while he took a 2 hour Power Nap? What could possibly have happened in the 2 hours he was taking a nap?! …you know what? No. Why would he even wonder that? The universe has a way of making him and his brother’s lives a literal hell in the key span of 24 hours, who’s to say it didn’t max down to 2?
“What-? No! Nonono! Nothing like that! Leo isn’t in danger or anything!” Mikey reassured Raph as he guided him back on the couch. The older glared at him, slapping Mikey in the back of the head causing him to playfully yell. “Don’t scare me like that again, man…” Raph sighed in relief, at least his older brother wasn't hurt. Physically at least… 
“Just…I feel like something’s up with him…y’know?” Mikey sighed. The red banded turtle nodded, letting Mikey know he was listening. “Why don’t you ask him about it then?” Raph asked. “I don’t wanna bother him, though…” Mikey said, slumping on the couch and looking up to the lair’s ceiling, in hopes to find the answer right there. But there was no way it would be that easy…it never is.
“Look. We all know that Leo can be…Leo.” Raph said, wrapping Mikey into another side hug resting his chin on the top of Mikey’s head. “And you know how he can be when we try to get him to talk about his negative feelings; he gets defensive. Which, honestly, I get. It’s hard talking about your negative emotions sometimes.” Raph started, recalling many times where he second-guessed himself to talk to his family about his feelings. 
“But we all have to talk about it eventually, because stuffing those kinds of feelings inside yourself is like stuffing an already full suitcase; one of these days it’ll burst. And you will face the consequences and be left to clean it up.” Raph said, releasing Mikey from his hug and smiling at him. “I’m not the best at this whole big bro lesson thing, but just talk to him, Mike. Just talk to him.” Raph smiled, squeezing Mikey’s shoulder comfortingly. 
The youngest beamed at that,“Thanks Raph! You’re the best!” Mikey cried, squeezing Raph into a hug. The red banded turtle squaked at the sudden contact, patting Mikey’s head comfortingly before both of them let go of each other. Mikey got up and ran to his eldest brother's room. Now 101% determined to figure out what was bothering his eldest bro. I mean, what could go wrong? 
.
.
.
Leo wanted to go up to the surface and jump off the nearest building’s window in hopes he would get absolutely crushed by the upcoming cars of New York City. Which, he knows he shouldn’t say or think…but he really can’t help it right now. 
He’s in a Lee mood, a bad one. And he doesn’t know what to do. Like any normal person, they would go and ask a family member or close friend to tickle them, right? Right. 
But Leo couldn’t do that. 
He just couldn’t. 
It’s not like he doesn’t trust his family enough to ask. But he’s the leader, they’re protection, but most importantly, he’s they’re older brother. And he can’t be asking for such childish things out of his younger brothers. He just wouldn’t. So he would do like he did anytime he got into a Lee mood and just…deal with it until it subsided.
Annnndddd now he’s sulking like a little baby because he can’t just simply deal with it. Wonderful. 
Just…
Wonderful.
The blue banded turtle sighed, flopping on his bed and burying his face in the pillow, letting out an annoyed muffled groan followed by a couple giggles soon after. Whoever designed pillows, Leo would probably want to marry that person right now because if the groan and giggled weren’t muffled from his pillows, his family would have run into his room, asking him a bunch of questions. Which Leo wasn’t in the mood for. Again, he was in the mood for something else…but he wouldn’t ask for it. There was no way.  
Speaking of family, Leo heard a knock at the outside of his door, slightly flinching at the sudden noise. Leo groaned from under his pillow, taking a deep breath, “Who is it?” Leo asked, trying his best to sound at least decent but probably failed. “Hey, Leo!” Mikey greeted, inviting himself into the eldest room, closing the door as he entered. “Hey Mike, what’s up?” Leo asked, getting his head from under the pillow and sitting up on his bed, facing the youngest.
Mikey cleared his throat, going over to Leo’s bed and sitting on the edge of it annddddd oh man. Mikey didn’t plan ahead this far. Mikey sat on the edge of the eldest bed, opening his mouth to say something but quickly closed it. Mikey kept his gaze away from Leo and fiddled with his fingers, trying his best to at least say something but his mouth was not communicating with him at the moment. 
The oldest saw the youngests’ fiddling with his fingers in his lap, Leo’s gaze softened as he got out of the covers and sat next to him on the edge of the bed. “You…do know you can tell me anything, right?” Leo said, putting a hand on Mikey’s shoulder. The youngest looked at Leo, face hardening. No! Nononononono! He wasn’t going to fall for this, not again. Not. Again. 
This isn’t about him right now, it’s about his eldest brother. That’s the whole freaking reason he came here! To ask if he’s okay! Like hell is he going to change the worryness (A/N: Is that even a word? Worryness? Eh. Whatevs) onto him. 
“You should take your own words into consideration, Leo…” Mikey mumbled, turning his face away from Leo, resting his head on both of his palms looking down. Leo looked at him in confusion, sitting closer and pulling him into a hug, resting his chin onto the top of Mikey’s head. The younger leaned into the touch, sighing sadly. 
The two knew each other were upset, and wanted to help anyway they could. All of the Hamato brothers might be different people with different personalities, but one thing through all of them stayed the same…
They were stubborn as hell. 
“What do you mean, little bro?” Leo asked.  The youngest sighed again, resting on Leo’s plastron. “You’ve been kinda…uh I dunno.” Mikey started, “Distant this week?” Mikey said as if he was asking some sort of question, even though that was far from it. He knew his brother was being distant this week.
“Oh…” Leo said flatly, almost as if he was expecting this kind of confrontation about this. Leo figured this would happen sooner or later, just wasn’t expecting it this soon. The two brothers looked at the ground, both not being sure on how to continue the conversation. 
“Just…I dunno…I feel as if you’re avoiding us? You’ve been training more than you usually do, doing a lot of mediation, more than Splinter, and you haven’t even watched any Space Hero episodes!” Mikey listed, finger curling into a fist before releasing in soon after. “I…I just wanted to ask if you’re okay…” Mikey said, starting to tear up about the fact that he realized he has never asked that question to Leo before. 
“Well…I-“ Leo’s face soon turned a shade of red, the blue cladded turtle released from the hug put his face in his left palm, groaning. “I want to tell you Mike, I really really do but it’s just…embarrassing.” Leo said, looking at the ground, still blushing.
“…Did you get a girlfriend?”
“What? No-“
“Boyfriend then?!? HAH. I KNEW YOU WERE GAY! Raph and Don owe me $50 dollars each and a free pizza!” 
“What- why would you- you guys bet if I was-“ Leo pinched the space between his eyes, taking a deep breath. That’s a topic for a different day…
“No, Mikey. I don’t have a significant other.” Leo said, chuckling a bit. Mikey groaned dramatically, flopping on Leo’s bed. “C’mon dude! You can just tell meeee! I promise I won't make fun of you!” Leo sighed and crossed his arms, still looking down.
“Or do I have to tickle the answer out of ya~?” Mikey teased, getting up and starting to wiggling his fingers near Leo’s side as a taunt. Leo started giggling and holding Mikey’s wrists, but not pushing them away at all. 
Wait. 
This seems so freaking familiar…
When Mikey was about to come into the room, he heard Leo giggling and he swore he saw the blue banded lightly poking himself in the side and skittering his fingers along his own stomach…
Why didn’t Mikey figure this out sooner?!
Leo…
Leo was in a Lee mood…
“Wait…that’s it isn’t it?” The youngest turtle said gasping, “You…want me to tickle you, don’t you?” Mikey grinned as he saw his brother turn a red shade that he couldn’t describe. “Don’t say that out loud.” Leo groaned, getting the courage to glare at his little brother. 
Leo looked at his brother before groaning again. “This week I’ve felt…y’know….” Leo said, waving his hands trying to symbolize what he was trying to say because like hell was he going to say the dreaded word…or anything close to it by that matter. Leo began wiggling his fingers lightly before stopping. “That.” Leo said as Mikey listened. 
“But…why didn’t you tell us, Leo? We would have understood and we would’ve been more than happy to tickle you!” Mikey said, stopping wiggling his fingers and relaxing on the end of the bed next to Leo. 
The oldest sighed, a sigh Mikey knew too well.
With being the youngest, Mikey knew the kinds of sighs Leo did and what each of them meant. Sometimes he did a “Please-stop-joking-around” sigh or an “I’m-older-than-you-therefore-you-have-to-listen-to-me-” sigh, but this one was definitely a “You-wouldn’t-understand” sigh. “That’s- That’s not the same Mikey…you all are younger than I am.” 
“…so?”
“So, that means that I can’t get into these weird…funks. It’s childish.” Leo said in a very relaxed tone, as if what he just said wasn’t the absolute dumbest thing Mikey has heard. And that’s saying a lot since the orange banded turtle has heard Donnie talk loads of times, and anything coming out of his immediate older brothers mouth is automatically dumb.
“That’s complete and utter bullshit!” Mikey yelled, getting up from the end of the bed and facing Leo. The oldest flinched slightly at the volume change but continued to look at the floor.
“First, I don’t think you seem to remember, Leo, but we’re quadruplets- dude, we’re the same age. You might be the oldest of us, but not by that much. And secondly, you’re a child too. We’re 15. You don’t have to worry about being childish because you are literally a child!”
“But-“ 
“Is me, Donnie, and Raph asking you to tickle us childish?” Mikey asked, crossing his arms across his plastron, recalling too many times where he and his other older brothers got into Lee moods and asked Leo to tickle them. “No of course not!” Leo interjected, looking at Mikey and getting up from the bed, eyes widened. 
The youngest smiled at the reaction and went back to sit at the end of the bed, anger now gone from before. “So why in the world is you asking one of us to tickle you considered childish, hm?” Leo blushed a bit harder as he kept his gaze at the ground. His little brother actually has a point…which is a first. 
After a couple moments of silence the youngest went to sit next to Leo, happy that his eldest brother could see where his reasoning to “being the oldest therefore asking for affection is bad” made no sense whatsoever. Leo sighed for like the millionth time today, putting his hand over his face and slowly dragging it down. 
“So…if I asked for you to…to uhm, do uh, yeah. Would you…would you do it?” Leo asked timidly, which was something the orange banded turtle really never saw his older brother express. Mikey only chuckled at the older, beaming happily, “Dude, duh. Why do you think I made that epic speech about it being okay for you to ask for tickles?” Mikey said, crossing his arms and nodding his head in confirmation. 
“So…can you…can you do the thing?” Leo asked, blushing again, “If…if you don’t mind-“
“Dude, of course! Literally all you had to do was ask!” Mikey smiled, wrapping Leo into another hug. Mikey then suddenly pushed Leo on the middle of his bed, sitting on top of him before wiggling his fingers over him teasingly. This was also something Mikey didn’t plan out either…the orange banded turtle wasn’t even sure where Leo was ticklish…which made the youngest feel a bit more guilty for not asking him about his Lee mood sooner. But he was gonna find out where his older brother was ticklish, obviously. How hard could it possibly be anyway?
“Just use the code word when you want me to stop, okay?” Mikey said. The oldest firmly nodded as Mikey began to lightly skitter his fingers around his brothers sides; the only spot Mikey knew for a fact Leo was ticklish, recalling too many times where he tased him in the side during training causing the older to stiffen and cover up his sides. Which he was doing right now, actually. 
Leo squinted his eyes shut as he hugged his middles and tried to squirm away from Mikey. The younger laughed at how squirmy the older was suddenly but after a couple seconds he was switching between kneading, scratching, and prodding at Leo’s sides but his older brother's reaction was still the same. And he hasn’t even laughed yet! Not a single giggle!
“C’monnnnn! Laugh already!” Mikey whined as he picked up the pace with his side tickling tactic, moving up and down Leo’s sides. The youngest then moved to tickle Leo’s neck, causing Leo to suddenly squeak at the sudden six fingers on the sides of his neck and burst into a somewhat high-pitched laugh, kicking his legs and holding Mikey’s wrists. 
“PFF-! NoHoHOh! DahaHaHAmmit!” Leo giggled in defeat, cursing himself for not being able to hold in his laughter any longer than a couple seconds. But Mikey happily smiled, finally being able to make his older brother laugh. “Hah! Works every time: never let them know your next move!” 
Leo wholeheartedly glared at Mikey through his laughter as he poked Mikey in the plastron where his lower ribs would be- one of Mikey’s known death spots. The orange banded turtle squealed at the touch, twisting and turning on top of the eldest as Leo continued to tickle him. Oh that little cheater. “HEHEY! Hehey! NohoHOH!” Mikey giggled, wholeheartedly glaring back at Leo who only stuck his tongue out at the younger. 
And here Mikey thought he was the little shit of the family. 
“Oho you are gonna regret that, Leo” Mikey said as he stuffed his hands in Leo’s underarms. The older screeched, kicking his legs on the bed at a faster pace. “OHO MY GAHAHAD- WAHAIT! NAHAT THEHERE!” Leo cried, as he thrashed underneath as his legs kicked along the bedsheets. Leo put his arms down as he still was holding the youngers wrists as he evily evily traced in his underarm.
“MIHIHIKE! MIHIHIKEY PLEHEHEASE!” Leo laughed loudly, blushing a light red because as much as the older one was enjoying this, it was so embarrassing. Mikey was barely tickling Leo, and he was kicking and thrashing like a little kid. But again, he was enjoying this so he won’t complain. 
“That’s what you get for tickling me, bro! I’m the Tickle Monster as of right now and no one tickles the Tickle Monster!” Mikey chuckled at Leo, now beginning to pick up the pace with his tickling at Leo’s underarms. The older whined through his laughter at the change of pace, trying to buck Mikey off of himself but the younger stayed sturdy on Leo’s waist as if it was glue. “IHIHI’M SAHAHAHARRY! Leo yelled. 
The younger one laughed at Leo’s reaction to the new pace, deciding to turn it up a notch as he kneaded the sides of Leo’s underarms causing him to do a girly-like shriek and descend into mad-like cackles. “And here I thought the underarms were Raphie’s death spot!” Mikey said teasingly, “You’re literally squirming like a fish out of water!” The orange banded turtle taunted as the older face only reddened more at the teases. 
“SHUHUT IHIHIT-! MIHIHIKEY GEHET OHOUT OHOFF THEHERE PLEHEASE!” Leo belly laughed as Mikey only chuckled at the older’s hysteric pleas. “Ihi can’t dude! My hands are completely stuck!” Mikey laughed. If Leo wasn’t laughing his shell off he would have rolled his eyes at that comment, but he can’t. “NAHAHAO THEHEY AHAHAREN’T!” Leo yelled.
“Yehes they are! It seems your amazing incredible strength is keeping my hands here~!” Mikey laughed brightly, completely loving this situation. If you know Mikey you know for a fact that he loves making his brothers laugh, especially Leo, who out of all the turtle brothers laughed the most. So this situation was like pure heaven for Mikey. 
Mikey then easily moved his hands out of Leo’s underarms, shaking his hands out before cracking them a bit for dramatic effect. Ugh! Leo knew Mikey could have gotten his hands out anytime he wanted! He just wanted to be an evil little gremlin! Amazing incredible strength my ass. Mikey then held up Leo’s left as he used his other hand to tickle the olders stomach.
And if Leo was yelling earlier, then he was completely screaming up a storm now. Leo hit his free hand at Mikey’s hand, trying to cease Mikey’s cruel attack but when he was close to removing his hand, the younger would suddenly move to a different spot on his stomach, tickling worse where he was in the other spot. 
“Awwww, Leo! I’ve never gotten to see you laugh like this, dude! Your laugh is so cute!” Mikey cooed, as Leo’s face turned a deep crimson at the compliment. The older shook his head back and forth, trying to stop the tickling sensation but decided to just give up and accept it as he falled limp on the bed and laughed to his hearts content. “AHAHA NAHAHO! NAHAT THE THEHERE!” Leo laughed louder, tears beginning to prick out of his eyes. “MIHIHIKE *snort* PLEHEHEHEHEASE!”
Mikey immediately stopped tickling Leo, putting his hands to his own chest in alarm at the noise. The blue cladded turtles’ face slowly began to turn a light crimson again, but now his face was a shade of dark red no one would be able to describe. 
Leo covered his face completely with his hands, groaning the completely embarrassing noise he just made. The youngest of the twos’ startled look soon morphed into an evil smile, crossing his arms over his plastron in amusement. 
There’s no freaking way…
“Oho my gohohod…did you just snort?” Mikey asked cheekily. “Noho ihi dihihidn’t…” Leo lied, almost regretting even asking for Mikey to tickle him…almost. “Dude you totally did! Do it again!” Mikey said as he suddenly dipped his head into Leo’s stomach, blowing a huge loud raspberry causing the older to completely lose his mind in snorts and squeals. “AHA! PLEHEHEASE! MIHIHIKE! *snort* IHIHI’M GOHOHONNA DIHIHIE!” Leo cried, still not fighting back but his legs kicking around all behind Mikey only causing the younger to giggle. 
“Raph and Don are gonna get a kick out of this~!” The orange banded turtle said into Leo’s tummy, blowing raspberry upon raspberry not even stopping to give the older one a breather. He wanted to make Leo have a fun time but this was also revenge in some way as well.
“Y’know, your upper body has been getting a lot of attention. Let’s see how ticklish your lower body is, big bro.” Mikey smiled, turning around to Leo’s lower body which caused him to start slapping the back of Mikey’s shell, trying to forcefully push him off. 
“EEEAHAHA! NAHAO *snort* DOHOHON’T!” Leo isn’t even sure why he’s screaming bloody murder right now, he doesn’t even know if his lower body is ticklish! But based on the past couple of minutes it wouldn’t be too high of an estimation to say his lower body was just as ticklish. 
Mikey poked the middle of Leo’s thigh, causing Leo to let out a glass shattering shriek as Mikey only smiled at the reaction. “Leheeo whahat was thahat?” Mikey amusingly asked. Leo, too embarrassed to even respond just groaned and waved his hand for Mikey to go on with it, knowing there was no stopping his little brother now. 
Mikey began to mercilessly squeeze, prod, and knead Leo’s thighs, even sneaking behind his knees and giving them a little pokes before going back to the thighs. Leo was in utter hysterics, not being able to stop Mikey and was forced to kick his legs and uselessly hit the back of his shell.
But obviously none of those tactics works as the younger happily tickles the sh*t out of his thighs. “NOOHOHO NAHAHAH! NAHA- *snort* MIHI- *snort* STAHAP!” Leo wasn’t even able to form a single sentence before going into loud cackles once again. 
“OKAHAHAY! OKAHA- *snort* MEHEHERCY *snort* MIHIKAHAHEEY!” Leo cried, finally having enough. The younger sighed but got off his anyways, letting the older take a breather as he sat next to him. “This isn’t over, dude. I still have to tickle some other spots y’know.” Mikey said as he poked Leo on the stomach causing him to let out a soft snort before he poked Mikey back on the side. “Whatehehever…” Leo breathlessly giggled, scared but…honestly excited this wouldn’t be the last time he’d be able to mess around with his brother like this. 
“Ahand thahanks, Mihihikey…I appreciate thihis” Leo smiled at Mikey. Now looking back, Leo doesn’t know why he was so afraid to tell his brother what was making him so upset. They’re brothers. They’re family. And like Mikey said before: Leo is a kid. He’s allowed to mess and play around with his brothers. So what if he's the leader? He’s a kid too. And it’s time Leo started realizing that. 
“Any time bro, literally anytime!” Mikey chirped. After a couple moments of silence a lightbulb went off in Mikey’s head as he slowly turned his head to the oldest grinning like a fool. “Y’know what I just realized?” Mikey said, leaning on a pillow on the board of the bed. “Whahat?”
“You can’t say Leo without the Lee, get it? Lee-o?” Mikey joked, nudging Leo in the side, his eyebrows raising up and down comically. Leo rolled his eyes wholeheartedly, playfully shoving Mikey’s face away giggling still; due to the aftermath tickles and Mikey’s funny joke. “Ihi gehehet ihit yohou dohork…” 
“Just something I thought I’d share.” Mikey shrugged, smiling. Leo rolled his eyes again, now adjusting his place on the bed so he sat next to Mikey. The younger rested his head on Leo’s shoulder as the older leaned in to the touch. “Well thanks for sharing…” Leo muttered. The two sat in comfortable silence for a while, Leo’s giggles now subsisted as the two just enjoyed each other company. 
“We heard screaming, are you two okay!?” Raph asked as he slammed Leo’s door completely open causing the oldest and youngest to fall flat on the floor due to the sudden noise and force. Raph gave out a tiny “oops” before getting out of the doorway to let Donnie in who was following him earlier.  
Mikey and Leo both exchanged glances before bursting out laughing. The two middle children looked at each other than back at the oldest and youngest complete confusion. “I’m gonna take those hysterics as a ‘yes we are completely fine”?” Donnie asked as him and Raph helped the both of them up so all the turtle brothers were standing. “Yeah, we’re okay.” Leo confirmed as Donnie and Raph relaxed at the olders confirmation.
“Oh! Which reminds me…” Mikey grinned, looking back at his older brother with a Cheshire grin before turning to his two other siblings. Raph and Donnie looked at each other again before looking at Mikey. The two middle children were so so confused as to what was happening as of right now but figured it would be best not to ask any questions. “Raph, Don, I have a little secret about our eldest brother-“
“Mikey-“ 
“And I’m sure this secret will…how should I put it? Tickle your funny bone...”
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HUZZAH. FINISHING ONE OF MY WIPS- I FEEL SO ACCOMPLISHED U GUYSSSS I HOPE U ALL ENJOYED THIS ONE IT WAS SM FUN TO WRITE
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nerves-nebula · 2 years ago
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I sometimes get uncomfortable around arguments about if certain characters are abusive or not- obviously I see this the most with 2012 tmnt and nobody really needs my opinion but I keep thinking about it so here’s some words to chew on.
Keep in mind I haven’t seen much of 2012 so I’ll mostly be talking about the WAY I see these discussions being had here, rather than the show itself.
I doubt the creators intended for the turtles to be abusive and I kind of just assume that everything they do is within the genre of slapstick kids show. But I also don’t think people who cringe away from the way they treat each other are reading too much into it.
I’ve seen people argue that ppl who think the brothers are abusive just don’t have siblings and that’s an insane take to me. Obviously its probably hyperbole in some instances but as someone with more siblings than most of the people I know, I 100% see the abuse reading of this series. It’s a very obvious idea to latch onto for me as someone who HAS been abused by my siblings- and who’s probably been abusive too.
The main thing that really gets under my skin is when people point out how much the turtles actually care about each other as evidence against abuse. Cause that doesn’t make any sense ??? you can abuse people you love and care about deeply.
And it really rubs me the wrong way when I see a post that’s like Raph can’t be abusive because he does X nice/cute things with Mikey or something like. That’s not how abuse works. You guys have to know that right?? Abuse isn’t just a person being mean 24/7 without pause.
A bit of a tangent coming up, but growing up, I really hated Mabel from gravity falls. not because she is inherently any more annoying or selfish or anything than other characters but because the way she treated dipper was extremely triggering for me as a child with a lot of anxiety. Like if Mabel was real and my sibling, I would’ve considered a lot of the shit she did abusive. Obviously I’m normal about her now cause I’m not 12 anymore but the biggest hurdle about watching that show when I was younger was that I would sometimes be brought to tears of frustration, imagining how scared and distressed I’d be if Mabel did that shit to me.
THE POINT of this tangent is that saying “the 2012 turtles aren’t abusive because I do that stuff with my siblings all the time/cause teenage boys are just like that” isn’t a genuine critique because abuse isn’t just about the action it’s about the relationship. Punching your sibling who’s actually ok with being punched isn’t abuse. Punching your sibling who really doesn’t want you to, and who you KNOW really doesn’t want you to, and who you KNOW would be genuinely upset by being punched? That is abuse.
And I find it annoying because I think we’re all aware that abuse was likely not the intent of the show. (Probably not even the text of the show but once again can’t say for sure) Maybe some dysfunction for drama, but probably not abuse, so you’re really just arguing against someone’s headcanon/personal interpretation of this show. And it’s like.. ok you have a different reading cool I guess.
In the show they aren’t treated as abusive, but fandoms are built around exploring different aspects of art that weren’t explored in canon. So I guess idk why this is a big deal.
Idk I think people have this idea that abusive = evil and always wrong. But abuse is just someone hurting you repeatedly and refusing to stop for whatever reason.
And with a show like 2012 where it’s all played for laughs it can be hard to tell if that’s how they are with each other because they’re ok with it or if that’s how they are cause they don’t know any other way. The turtles are kind of really mean in 2012, and wether that’s a familiarity kind of meanness or not is up to you in fandom, yknow?
Does Mikey actually consider Raph hitting him as like a fun part if their banter or is he coping with jokes about being physically abused? You decide! Like genuinely it can be either and I think that’s fun!
I mean obviously you all know what i’d pick, but that’s because I’m blissfully aware of what I want out of stories and what i want is nuanced discussions of abuse.
Personally, I acted very similarly to the 2012 turtles when living with my siblings, but I didn’t actually fucking like it. It was a defense mechanism because being genuine would only be met with ridicule. So I’m not inclined to agree that it’s fine because it’s just what they do.
Once again though, I doubt it was on purpose. And if you don’t think that they’re abusive then congrats! The show probably doesn’t either! So I just don’t see why people get super upset about it. Don’t you love that someone got a different story out of the same media??
Anyway obviously it doesn’t super matter and I don’t really have a horse in this race. I just got a bit annoyed with the way abuse is discussed and as a hobbyist Abuse Analyst I thought I’d weigh in.
I wrote this instead of going to sleep and it’s sooo late and also so much longer that I meant for it to be… y’all better not have bad takes in response or I’ll be annoyed as hell tomorrow morning, guh.
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marimopeace · 3 years ago
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there's a limit on how much you can be an isekai intellectual...
a bunch of analyses have been popping up before me all day so i wanted to throw my hat into the ring. all love to ppl who are exercising their creative minds + ppl like geoff here who just talk about these things because of fan interest but i feel like there reaches a point where exploring the "types" of isekai is pointless? i've seen ppl list out the different types of villainess revenge isekai or fantasy mmorpg isekai but eh why fit them all into separate boxes like that?
i think it's easier to think of isekai as a "type" (genre) of itself with only two categories: 1) a focus on isekai (lit. another world) 2) tensei (lit. to be reborn). this allows for a variety of applications and thus tropes that ppl see so many trends of!
with isekai - in another world
you see everything from:
pure fantasy (inuyasha, digimon wait maybe not the best example but in my childhood mind i count digimon as pure fantasy, fushigi yugi)
mmorpg inspired fantasy/adventure (.hack//legend of twilight, sao ugh, log horizon, overlord (LOVE OVERLORD!)
otome game-esque worlds >>> this is where it gets complicated with "villainess routes" since i admit there are multiple villainess tropes but this is why it's nice to not think of this as a "sub-type/genre" bc it frees you from those complications! (the saint's magic power is omnipotent, the white cat's revenge as plotted from the dragon king's lap soso cute!, the savior's book cafe in another world, i'm a villainous daughter so i'm going to keep the last boss wait i can't remember if she's reborn in this one lmaooo see this is why rules make everything hard)
with tensei storylines - being reincarnated/reborn in another world as *insert character/role*
you see...
the same tropes!!
pure fantasy (a returner's magic should be special, reminiscence adonis, the lady and the beast, light and shadow, i can't think of a manga off the top of my head for this ah)
mmorpg inspired fantasy/adventure (so i'm a spider so what i stan kumoko so hard, her majesty's swarm, can't name another off the top of my head ah i hate lists shorter than two things...)
self-insert based games/novels (fiance's observation log of a self-proclaimed villainess, who made me a princess, death is the only ending for the villainess, the villainess wants to marry a commoner, honestly games vs novels are different applications but i'm not in the headspace to try to remember a bunch of both lol)
*insert line break to give random ppl a break from scrolling but tl; dr just enjoy things for what they are no need to micro analyze*
similar variations occur in both genres (if ppl want to be super technical i guess i'm arguing that isekai itself is a massive genre that has the "another world" subgenre and "reincarnation" subgenre tl; dr) so i think it's honestly a huge pain to try to separate all these trends into so many different types of stories. for me personally it's easier to not get overwhelmed by this gigantic umbrella of "isekai" that spans light novels, manhwa, manga, and mobile games by just stripping each story down into its trademark tropes (aka character archetypes, story structures) and slapping "oh this is a person going to a world that's not ours" and "this person gets reborn as blank in another world". none of this "omg this power fantasy is such a this kind of isekai moment" or "there are 14 different types of villainess revenge stories and this series fits into this" bc AH labels! limitations! circle-jerks via ppl trying to compartmentalize everything and sound smart for leaving a comment on story analysis instead of ooh-ahhing over a character's face! dividing things into light novel manga vs manga vs korean manhwa ft. female characters!
the last bit is mainly why i feel frustrated by ppl's insistence to group everything?
the video linked at the beginning of the post (honestly good video essay, i enjoyed it, i just kept thinking in my head the whole time "marimo these are tropes do not take the genre talk literally") has a baby comment thread talking about "korean isekai manhwas" as a genre featuring nothing but reincarnated villainess' and i can't.
like i cannot acknowledge that as a genre of any sort. the energy i felt reading through some of those insights takes me back to 2012 when all yt americans discovered k-pop and deemed all korean music k-pop from then on! (ppl still do this now, yes you are seen and don't talk to me pls i don't like you. k-pop is korean pop music and nothing less and nothing more. take a few seconds and try to parse apart aspects of korean culture instead of slamming everything into a monolithic label that has the letter k and a hyphen.) it feels so odd to see a bunch of young ppl on ig and tiktok acknowledge korean media that happens to be in the form of a webtoon as "oh stories all about young girls becoming villains in stories they made/played" bc it feels so reductive u.u
(positionality disclaimer that i'm praying isn't actually necessary: i am a 3rd-generation korean of japanese descent do not fite me i am exhausted irl of ppl asking for validation/verification bc massive shove off.)
breaking news! korean manhwa...is just as multifaceted as japanese manga...bc how can comics as an art-form not have multiple genres...huh such a shocker?!?! same likely applies to media in other parts of the world like chinese manhwa and french comics--not my place to explain either of those i just know those industries exist bc of wakfu and donghua shows by Tencent.
at the end of the day it's not like analyzing any kind of isekai is wrong--absolutely not!! i think it can be super fun to think about how isekai elements complicate a story (MCs trying to go back home, ppl from the og world, reincarnation plot-twists) or maybe even bash a series for including some kind of other world element when they could have just written a super fun fantasy.
insert marimo's brief ramble that hey you can get sick of truck-kun's hitting disillusioned guys who happen to be super duper smart or girls who happen to be master chefs/craftsmen but transporting a fully-grown being into a fantasy setting is the ultimate cheat code for making mundane modern technology seem cool and overpowered, and being reincarnated as a fully grown person in a world with a pre-made story/game set-up completely bypasses the need for an author to slowly flesh out world-building in a natural progression so isekai is actually a really smart writing tool it's just that there are some series where the author didn't use it well at all and it's cheesy or clearly isekai was misused as a vehicle for character/story development and it was pointless *DEEP BREATH OUT*
in this essay i will argue...lol i am such a culture studies major!! if i were an english major i would be talking all about writing but here i am having a side-tangent about world-building via someone being reborn wow i love this for me (don't get me started on when an author has someone reincarnate as a baby and the story is mostly them having warm fluffy moments with their family--typically father figures--and getting lots of powers i could and would and probably will rant about east asian toxicity)
but anyway am i crazy????? like yes for being passionate about the technical use of a word like genre (i am a scorpio rising let me be fussy pls) but i don't think it's a lot to ask for ppl to not unironically see "villainess revenge isekai" as the definition of korean manhwa.
idk as someone who resonates with why japanese isekai is so popular domestically + why a lot of korean manhwa feat. the same tropes (it's not for great reasons lads it's actually depressing tbh) i'm just starting to feel kind of pained by the generalization and need to separate "cute japanese girl in an otome game"/"japanese boy finds a harem in another world" from "korean girl dies and comes back as a villainess" bc they are just! applications to the same story device!!
recommendations for any who makes it this far down below <3
// also gladly recommend any of the examples i've listed in the above rant as i've read/watched all of them and adore them v much! //
save me princess
super refreshing fantasy manhwa ft. a princess and her ex-boyfriend having to save the world!
the beginning after the end
an AMERICAN web novel turned into a comic (but see it being not korean/japanese doesn't really matter when you just consider isekai as a genre...isn't it nice to not overthink it?) ft. a super-powerful wizard king reincarnated into another world and starting from scratch--gives mushoku tensei vibes but huge twists!
the reason why raeliana ended up at the duke's mansion
love love LOVE this story--read the title and you'll learn how this girl reincarnated as the character raeliana in a book gets married to a duke!
trash of the count's family
such a good novel!! a guy gets reborn as a lazy oaf and he takes the hero of the story under his wing...plot twists come up later on!
this time i will definitely be happy!
v good and refreshing for a shorter series! she's been reborn 3 times and remembers every time the hero's stabbed her in the back, and now she just wants to break up with him!
silver diamond
older manga but v good adventure w intrigue! a boy who loves plants get sucked into a desert world with demonic lizards and a mysterious bodyguard by his side. shonen-ai not BL but wonderful vibes nonetheless + great side characters!
the princess imprints a traitor
adore everything in this from the world (not in that way this society makes me so angry) to the machinations at play and the dynamic between the fl and ml
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ulookgoodtoday · 6 years ago
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This is gonna be a long rant
No need to say this but I am a CS, I strongly believe they were in love and actually believe they still are. If you don’t see it I’m sorry for you bc it means you’ve never been in love and seen someone staring at you like they do. 
Plus our captain Dinah (and her aunt) made it pretty clear. If you’re in doubt it could also be bc of the narrative stupid managers tried to pull, but honestly anyone can see through it. I suggest you read Emisons Camren theory and post about synchronization (which I found out after I made my mind clear ab Camren) which makes perfectly sense and was confirmed to be true at 98% by ExposingLaucy.
Let me say that of course this is just my opinion and I ALWAYS take into consideration that it could be not real. I respect L and C personal life and never dare to intrude or comment their post on social networks. I want them to be happy and if they are now (I believe they are) I am happy. They can be whom whoever THEY want.
Said so, here’s my delusional Camren theory. It’s not about proving Camren is real but an analysis of their relationship (I tried to be accurate, considering songs, interviews, trustworthy sources, timing).
I believe they had feelings for each other since the beginning (2012-3), especially C, but they genuinely thought they were just friends or that it was nothing serious (ExposingLaucy said C was the one to fell in love - “Mine is Lauren” “Who are u kissing under the mistletoe?” Her obsession with “Normani”- and L slowly fell in love w her). That’s why L gave birth to Camren “it’s Camren yo” (16 oct 2012) and why they were so explicit in the interviews, on camera, tumbrl, twitter, bc they thought it was a joke and were really close. Then ppl started to see what basically they couldn’t see or admit to themselves yet (love in their eyes), ppl started shipping them and assuming they were together but again they brushed it away and even invited us to float that f boat (Nov 2013). I believe if they ever kissed before 2014 it was as a joke, at least for L (“What happened in the elevator?” Feb 2013 DinahJane on twitter. #camrenfeels 28th June 2013 and the photo of them cuddling, L saying “Thanks babe” Feb 2014 and being totally chill with it) and above all they never talked about it.
I know C said back then that her first kiss was at 17 (and everyone assumed it was with Austin but could have been with L - April 2014) and then in a recent interview ab her album she said she was 16 when she had her first kiss so it could be 1) they kissed before 2) they kissed before but as a joke and then, after realizing how they felt for each other, she reconsider that kiss 3) she messed up with her memory, she gets confused by all the bs they made her say during these years. In the same interview she said she had her first breakup at 17, which could be her telling bs and alluding at her breakup with Austin (even tho in other interviews she dismissed that relationship) or what I’ll explain later about her relationship with L.
I think C was the first to realize she had feelings for L and that’s when she wrote “Only told the moon” (where she’s scared ab her emotions and afraid the other person won’t feel the same way) even though she wrote a tweet “only told the moon” in Jun 2015. What we know through EL is that they were both each other’s first kiss and everything. [plus I’m still not over Sep 2013 when C cries singing Who are you and L glances at her every other second].
We assumed Camren real first kiss was in April 2014 (1975 concert) and it is rumored that L broke up w Brad in Dec 2014 after 8 moths. Now, I don’t believe they had an actual relationship but more a fling and not that long (L was supposed to be w Luis Felipe right? They broke up Aug 2014. And in July we have the suspicious Camren’s moans in the bunk). ANYWAY the import part is that Brad wrote I found a girl that goes "she said that she tried but she's not into guys". So now what I think is that that's basically L freaking out about the kiss she had with C because she realized she had feelings for her (so more than friendship), trying to convince herself she's not into girls, rushing into Luis and then B to prove herself wrong, then again going back to C still confused until she figures it out later. Especially when you are bisexual the process can be hard because you try to understand where you stand, if you like boys OR girls, so it’s confusing when you have feelings for both and u try to deny one or the other until you realize bisexual is A THING. The Vamps made it clear that the song is for L and then took a photo with a “Camren is real” sign in the back (well done Brad, you’re an asshole). In the song he also said that this girl started to talk to him about the other girl she was involved with, so he knew who L was in love with.
In 2014 C is in a PR relationship with Austin Moron and I think C wrote The Exchange song (unreleased as well) about that period. I came up with the timing according to a period when they were both dating others; after Chocolate by 1975 was out - we’re dressed in black, head to toe, it’s from that song while C wrote “we’ll be dressed in, all black from head to toe” and twitted it in apr 2015; also C’s tweets with the lyrics of the song - “there’s nothing like me and you and you know it” Apr 2014 -  and L indirects. I think it’s ab Lauren also bc she wrote “there’s beats I’ve been skipping when my head is on your chest” and I‘ve never seen C doing that with a boy. Plus the part where she says the other person knows there’s nothing like the two of them and “you’ve been trying to say it ain’t true” so again L rushing into L/B.
Also you can tell that their relationship was never defined properly by the fact that C many times during interviews referred to a relationship she had and described it as “sort of friendship “ or “romantic relationship or whatever that was”( also look for unreleased song of C, she said she wrote it when she was 17, “Like friends do” = I’ll sit straight it the couch like friends so. And I’ll stop kissing your mouth like friends do. Cause I can’t look at you quite like friens do. You don’t say my name quite like friends do).
I think after Brad and A, they were together, during 2015 (that’s when C appeared with the ring - EL said L gave it to C in Feb 2015 - and when they try to hide and look distant in front of the camera, yet close behind cameras) but still in a confused way during all that year, with ups and downs. I’d say C was pretty cool with her sexuality while L had more difficulties; and that explains to me why C cries singing Who are you basically every time (remember the girls co-worked in writing this one, if you look up on google you can see how Camila and Lauren’s names are the first ones written). Also that’s when she could have come up with IHQ bc she said she started writing it two years before it was released (May 2017). “My name was safest in your mouth”, “your voice, it was the most familiar sound” “i was there when no one was” and in the end - this part could have been written back then or in 2017 but either way express a miscommunication- “How do I fix it? Can we talk? Can we communicate” and “Do I wanna fix it? Is it my fault? Do u miss me?”.
I think that Lauren was the one that struggled the most (from the beginning 2013), she also said in an interview (2017) that when she was little was very confused and that people calling her bisexual/gay made her angry because she couldn’t understand how they figured it out and what was about her that made them think that. It’s also tricky was she said just after that. The interviewer asked her “Did your parents know before you came out?” ab your sexuality and she said “yes, they knew before, I was dating a girl AT THE TIME so they had to know”. So ok, who was she dating tho? Lucy? Yeah right.
I think that they had a shit load of pressure from managers to not be together and at least behave in front of the camera. I remember L (think it was Sept 2015) in an interview she said “when life hits love sometimes you just die”, i mean that’s daaark, girl! Anyways, that must have led to a lot of fights between the two of them especially because you can see how in a lot of interviews C kept staring L or doing things that were pointing obviously to Camren while L was trying harder to hide it. I think C might have felt rejected and they didn’t talk about all of this (and you can tell again by their songs that they had relationship where they didn’t comunicate - expectation, something’s gotta give, in the dark, IHQ.. someone put also In your phone but L didn’t write that one).
I think that’s when C wrote Must be love, this songs screams Camren like maybe no other and describes this period. In fact she says she fell hard, that she gets mad and puts on a show, there are highs and lows, everything gets real after two am (secret relationship), that she’s gonna look at her right back and “I promise you won’t like that” (L pissed every time C is explicit) and they fuss and fight but yet she wouldn’t have it any other way.
Also it’s a link to Consequences, which is in the album (in Must be love she goes “I guess everything has consequence���) and this song has no straight-relationship explanation. Through Consequences C describes her relationship w L and what had caused. I believe she is telling us all that she loved L so much she didn’t care about the consequences that came with it, which is f managers treating them like shit, make them hide it and led to them fight as well. It is not coincidence that she wrote this in Jan 2017 after she was out the group. It is not a coincidence that in concert before playing Consequences she always sings Falling in love (“Wise men say only fools rush in” is also the beginning of Must be love). And there are links to “She loves control” in my opinion which I think describes L and maybe the role she played in all this Camren shit. (Ok C has stated that she has OCD but she doesn’t go to club and when she’s in love she fell hard so u know, so much for the control). In Must be love says “you control me more than you’ve ever known” and in Sangria Wine “yo so que tu quieres controlar mi mente” that made me think the person she’s talking ab in She loves control might not be herself but another person. Many were shook about L singing “she doesn’t let me have control anymore” in Strangers which is a HELL of a coincidence but I think Halsey wrote it so I’m not sure whether we should consider it or not.
During 2015 to 2016 we saw a lot of things that suggested the ups and down. Remember that 2015 C had major anxiety problems and a lot of trash was thrown from the fandom (especially after IKWYDLS). C saying she rather date someone out of the industry but “you can’t decide who you fall in love with, UNFORTUNATELY”. Or when they fought in another interview when C was being too obvious bc she said she would marry her celebrity crush (or any crush) even if their parents did not approve, tho she didn’t say who her crush was but “it’s important” and “i’d be in love with my celebrity crush” (she always said it was Lauren). Or when they tried to make each other jealous.
Then 2016 is tricky. They started the 7/27 tour and again we see ups and downs but mostly L more at ease with her feelings for C. I think C was still struggling with her anxiety problems and all the narrative the managers were forcing the 5 of them to follow (they were prep C’s departure). I remember how L broke down 8 Sep 2016 singing No way, she always said that it was her fav song and described it as a dialogue happening in a couple; a toxic situation, two people who wants to be together but know shouldn’t be together and also ppl from the outside telling them they shouldn’t be together (she was so into this song that during a soundcheck she said she actually could imagine a visual and music video for it). She also cried during Scared to be happy and then tweeted after the concert the she got emotional because of the LYRICS. This was in Phoenix after the show in Texas where we saw Lucy. So that made me think she was struggling back then (remember that 4 days before, C left the stage in Missouri for anxiety), trying to figure out what to do between what she felt and also the pressure for the outside (maybe C, sure as hell managers and the PR ready to come).
I think that L in 2016 realized that she wanted to commit, as I said she seemed more at ease with her sexuality. She was happy during photos with CS, she danced with the pride flag, we have the blurry kiss in London (May 2016) in front of Lucy (!!), L even interacted with C during sound-checks and sang Dope to C (who was pretty surprised), she protected her from those balloons, C and L staying one more day in Barcelona, we had the VMAs (August 2016), she called her baby and so on. She seemed very protective. I believe that’s bc they were prepping the Laucy thing and her coming out. EL said they began the process leading to Laucy in June 2016 (remember the two of them in Colombia for L’s birthday, the videos of L dancing BBW to Lucy and so on - Emisonme explained perfectly).
I think that is why she came out in the end, after all this struggles, bc she felt ready, I don’t think she was forced to. Let’s be honest, if she didn’t want to she could have said it wasn’t her in the Laucy photo or she’s not so dumb, you’re at a family wedding and you get caught kissing a girl and the photo got leaked?! I say BS. And then she decided to make a photo book with Lucy as a coming out statement?! If she wasn’t ready to do it, none of this would have happened. I think she did it for two reasons: 1) Trump was pissing her off 2) to tell C that she was ready; they let her do it bc it was convenient for her image and 5h.  At the beginning of Havana - the music video - there’s an awkward scene, completely out of context. A guy comes out of a closet and says “I was in the closet” and C “so now, you’re out of the closet?” And he goes, a bit confused, “yes, for YOU”. Like wtf? C, was it necessary?! And don’t let me start with that video. C is watching the tv and you can here a woman saying in spanish “I want to be with Carmen but I can’t “, you can see a figure very similar to L and in the end C said “I love you, but I love myself more” which again made me think she’s the one that walked away in the end. Camila is giving us so many signs if u don’t see this you’re really dumb.
L obviously couldn’t come out without saying there was another girl, otherwise Camren was automatically confirmed in our mind. And who better than your best friend to help you do so and make it believable? Honestly it was a smart move and all the hate, slut shaming and shit Lucy received, she didn’t deserved it. I believe it was PR and that C was aware of this and supported it but it could have also been difficult for her. Even though she knew it wasn’t real, she might have been scared L might get involved for real, especially if you consider the fact that Camren could never be proud and loud, idk. Emisonme on tumbrl explained the Laucy shit so perfectly that I suggest u read it, I agree with everything she said. Again Emisonme explain PERFECTLY why L could come out as bi while C can’t (and she’s so gay she’s shitting rainbows).
I think shit went down tho, and they fell apart. I don’t know if it was bc of management’s pressure or miscommunication or whatever but apparently C walked away (as she said in many interviews that the situation was toxic - not the relationship - in something’s gotta give and Havana music video and in concert before singing Scar Tissue). I think that their break-up happened during that period of L coming out and C leaving/kicked out fifth harmony but that is so messed up I’m not elaborating [Theory: C leaving 5h was always supposed to happen]. Just remember how Dinah’s aunt said that Lauren would be devastated by the fact C left (”I’m pretty sure Lauren is heartbroken and shook, she is probably crying her brain away. But she already knew. If anything Lauren is leaving too. You gotta have your girl’s back. Of course I’m sure they are going to do a duet like on their own, you know, in the bedroom.”)
That’s when L was reaaally pissed at Camren fans (the tweet in Feb 2017), went a bit sassy in interviews avoiding to talk about C, and after “leaving Lucy” she “started dating Ty” (I call PR huge af). The reasons why she was pissed ab CS could be many, for starters I believe they broke up (so that’s one), n2 she came out and faked a relationship with another girl to protect C’s straight image and yet everyone kept believing in Camren, n3 her managers made her pull her straight image as well starting dating Ty to shut us up BUT I believe the real reason is n4 managers wanted to kill Camren (to launch C’s straight image) and destroy her image (as they did with the marijuana shit they pulled) bc even though i think the first three reasons are true and that’s what was going on in L’s mind I don’t think she would attack her fans and C like that. Anyways L tweeted “eyes on the moon” the day the Grammys (Feb 2017) were held and we know who the moon is.
I think C’s the one who walked away also bc of “Make u mad”, which was written mostly by L and she’s pissed y’all. There are also links btw this song and C’s songs. L also sang Back to me, she collaborated in writing the text but I don’t know to what extent but still a HELL of a coincidence.
I think they first met after all this shit at the Grammy’s after party in Feb 2017 but didn’t interact. Camila was there and she said that “In the dark” is about a boy she met there; then we have L who tweeted just the day after the Grammy’s after party ab waking up with hang over and understanding what’s fake and real. Funfact: read the lyrics of In the dark. “Vampires at the same places” we know Lauren is Lamp. L is running and “making rounds with your fake friends” and again “i can see u’re scared of your emotions, i can see you’re hoping you’re not hopeless” “who are u when it’s 3am and u are all alone” “secrets, endless”. Basically she’s asking this person to show her her real self.
Ppl said they met in March/April 2017 (i think) in studio (Diplo’s?) and I think that’s when C came up with All these years (L had longer hair - she had it cut in 2016; she had gained a bit of weight - that’s for arms stronger; her eyes, I mean WE BEEN KNEW; C was not prepared so she didn’t know L was going to be there; it was a quick hello bc they were not fine back then; “sounds like you’re happy with her” could be L’s PR; “wish I loved u like I miss u” implies that she had a relationship with that person but maybe not loved her in the right way or enough to make it last - she confirmed in an interview that this song is about an ex; who does C knows from YEARS? If I hear another SM shipper I’ll throw up)
Anyways I think that towards the mid of 2017 they kinda reconnected and now they’re in good terms. Remember how C said multiple times how even though it was a toxic situation she’d do it all over again. So that makes me think that they loved each other and the problem was mostly all the environment they were into (if the relationship was trash why on earth would she do it again?!) and C is trying to say to L: baby come back to me.
Since this is not a post w the intent of explaining why Camren is real I won’t elaborate.
In conclusion I think they are still in love (C sang it in every possible way) and probably a couple or working on to be one and the problems in their relationship were due to miscommunication and pressure from the outside.
—> Again Emisonme made super clear why they couldn’t be together in the Music business. 
Stay strong in this PR shit and let them be. Even if they don’t tell us, doesn’t mean it isn’t true. 
Just remember EL said 2018 would be the year of the commitment, 20gayteen everybody.
“I am a lover and a fighter. I will fight for what I love” Go get your girl Lauren
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freckliedan · 6 years ago
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(for context, i made a post asking if this anon would b comfy telling me if she was a part of the lgbt community because i would be able to answer more quickly & with more nuance if i knew! my response would’ve been very different for the first ask if it had come from a cis/het person)
hi b!!!!!!!! ty so much for sending me this ask! this is a conversation i’ve had with friends a number of times & i think it’s really good to talk about so i’m really glad to have the chance to talk about it on my blog!
(under the cut because this got long)
i really feel you on this entire situation, tbh- i really hate to assume people’s sexualities, especially people who i don't actually know, bc doing that enforces gender roles & stereotypes so much of the time. especially when it's straight people doing the assuming? like, straight people talking about having good "gaydar" for me feels like them talking about being good at stereotyping people based on mannerisms etc and it makes me so fucking uncomfortable!
i'm 100% of the opinion that unless someone has the agency in telling people they're lgbt (like, they get to come out on their own terms, or they're so comfortably out that you'd maybe hear them referred to with pronouns besides he/she or hear about a same-gender partner when hearing about them in conversation)? nobody should be making a definitive assumption or trying to find proof or support of any perspective on their sexuality. people should get to be as closeted or as out as they're comfortable being, bc more than anything all lgbt people deserve to feel safe.
that said? i feel like lgbt ppl have actual "gaydar" but that it's not the same thing straight people say "gaydar" is. i think that for lgbt people, it has as much to do with being able to identify homophobic or transphobic straight or cis people (bc there are transphobic lgb folx, why do people. DO that) and being able to identify what straight/cis people are safe to be around as it does being able to find other lgbt people. it's more of a survival mechanism than a way of identifying people who are different, the way it functions for straight people.
so like? idk. over the past few years my concept of whether it's okay to speculate about a celebrity's sexuality has shifted a little? when i was in high school & recently out of it, i was more firmly against the idea that someone could tell if xyz celebrity wasn't straight, and super firmly believed that the only way you could know was if they said as much in words.
so what changed?
i experienced the world more, and i've learned so much about the lgbt community and about myself.
one of the big turning points for me was kristen stewart; i was never a super huge fan of hers, but i saw posts fairly often speculating that she and alicia cargile were together. not posts by like, news outlets or anything, posts by other wlw who were saying 'i see the way that kstew is dressing and acting and what she & alicia cargile are sharing of their relationship with the public and news articles keep calling them live-in gal-pals etc but that's exactly how i dress and behave and how my relationship with my girlfriend looks and how people treat our relationship when they're refusing to acknowledge the fact that we're lgbt."
also at the time i started seeing a lot of posts that were saying that the speculation was shitty, and for a hot minute i felt awful for seeing and reblogging posts & hoping/believing that they were girlfriends. the next wave of discourse tho was about how it was okay to speculate and hope if you were just an individual who was also lgbt, and how it was only shitty when it was invasive paparazzi and tabloids who had a platform that could actually disrupt her life and put pressure on her to come out. it was about power; one lesbian or bi or pan girl who was hoping a celebrity they looked up to was like them vs a business that doesn't have any investment in this besides to gain money/readership off of a celebrity's potential identity that had every right to keep their silence and privacy? it's two entirely different things.
i also went back to college in 2016, and realized that like. yeah it's shitty when straight people stereotype and assume things about people, but a lot of lgbt people don't want to be perceived as straight and intentionally dress and behave in ways that signal the fact that the're lgbt. i'm not a scholar on any of this; this is all from my lived experience. but i think it might be called flagging? i've seen the word a few times & just googled it & it seems right, even though i haven't read any of the articles for sure.
essentially it's a way of signaling to other lgbt people "hey i'm here and i'm also lgbt" without really having to disclose that info to all the straight people around you as well. and like, heteronormativity is a hell of a drug, you know? a lot of straight people are almost unwilling to pick up on the signals that someone's lgbt.
an example i can think of is like, lgbt people using non-gendered terms to refer to their significant other or any exes around straight people; it's not lying, and it leaves the opportunity for any other lgbt people present to maybe connect with the person who's doing the pronouns dance at a later point in time in a one on one setting.
another example would be like, butch and gender nonconforming wlw making their identity clear in the way they dress and behave? the song ring of keys from the musical fun home is about a young girl seeing a butch lesbian for the first time and going !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! same!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even without having the words. it's lgbt people broadcasting their identity for other lgbt people, not for straight people. it doesn't get seen or talked about as much because of that, but that doesn't make it any less real.
so how does this relate back to dnp?
i'm firmly of the opinion that the're like, doing this. they're living their lives without the complete self-censorship they used to have and because of that openness a lot of lgbt ppl see them, we see the ways in which dan and phil are quietly sharing the fact that they're not straight with us, and i think it's okay to accept that for what it is.
like? i genuinely am willing to argue that dan came out in his diss track. you look at that, and you look at him talk about labels in a liveshow (this video genuinely helped me a lot while i was going through the process of finding the right labels for myself) and you look at all of trying to live my truth or the fact that in dan's rebranding video part of the old branding that was going up in flames was gender rolls (i still have a screenshot of that on my phone). it's also in the countless ways he alludes to being attracted to men, and the ways he rejects a lot of the tenants of masculinity that society prescribes in the ways he dresses and presents himself to the world; that's not an inherently lgbt thing to do, but i think it's true that a majority of lgbt ppl experience gender more consciously than straight people do.​
i'm not going to lie and say i'm aware of as many specific details in regards to phil that indicate his sexuality-i do know less off the top of my head, but not because i don't love phil, just because dan means more to me personally in regards to my queerness and the ways i navigate my identities. phil also tends to share way less of himself with the internet than dan does? like, we know a lot of specifics about who dan is and who dan has been but despite knowing a lot of fluff about phil, we know less substantial information and that's super fucking valid and i love his double aquarius sagittarius rising enigmatic ass exactly as is. and i know i have things in my he likes boys tag about both of them, including (i think) at least one masterpost about phil.
which like, doesn't even bring us to the fact that i'm so sure they're together, too? it's not even like. things like the vd*y v*d, though that was still findable on tumblr when i joined the phandom in 2012.
i'm sure because i can look at dan and phil in the present, and the ways in which they function in eachother's lives, and the things they've said about their future together-the concept of a forever home, of getting a dog together,  the way that when either of them talks about a very old version of themself they talk about having kids & when you combine that with the idea of a forever home you kind of are left with only one implication- i look at all of those things and the ways they compare to my life, as a queer person in a long term committed relationship. and i know. i’m sure about them.
and i could go on. the thing that really gets me is how dan and phil, by all intents and purposes, hit all three sides of sternberg's triangle in his triangular theory of love; they've got the commitment of a shared life and they've talked about their shared future, they've got the intimacy of knowing and supporting each other for nine years and the close knowledge they have of each other is so great in volume that it's been the focus of what, two videos (the friendship test ones) and (spoilers, minorly) a section of ii? and in the way they look at each other, and in a lot of implications we've picked up on over the years, the passion is there, too.
they've fuckin got that good good consummate love, babeY.
they also constantly answer all of each other's bids, as per gottman's research/theories on successful relationships. i'm not gonna get too far into that, but it's what my like a sunflower tag is for.
and gosh, i've gotten rather off topic again. my apologies, b.
i guess the point is that like. as a queer person in a long term relationship, it's really easy for me to look at dan and phil and be sure that they're together. and i don't feel bad, anymore, thinking about that and speculating about it; i think it's ok for lgbt individuals to hope that the people they look up to are like them, and to talk about that hope.
and it would be nice, if dan and phil came out someday. stressful because of the fan reaction, i'm expecting a full meltdown if/when it happens (i'm leaning towards when, i think they want to get married someday).
but for me, i'm already sure. they've already given us so much and they don't owe us anything, we aren't entitled to them disclosing their identities, but i think they've already told us in subtle ways, a hundred times over. so my conscience is clear and my heart is sure, b. i hope yours can be too.
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