#Also did u guys know at the end of august he lost his voice?? It was so bad he couldn’t stream but was in a sf tournament so he had to stre

[ksksksrahrah]

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Chapter 32

A/N: Another ‘friend’ of ours makes an appearance in this chapter (unfortunately for me lmao)

August 2nd, 2020

Aberdeen Bloom was as prepared as she could be for Game 1 against the Columbus Blue Jackets.  

Scotiabank Arena was freezing – more freezing than normal – because of the three-games-a-day and all the hockey being played.  She knew the players and team personnel would complain if the ice was crap (apparently they could tell, though it beat the shit out of her how they could tell), and of course Scotiabank Arena, and the Leafs in general, wanted to make an excellent impression.  They were the centre of the hockey world, so Aberdeen knew they could pull it off.  It just didn’t help that it was August and it felt like early November indoors.

She joined Brendan and Kyle in their usual box – luckily they didn’t have to give that up.  The team was taking their pre-game skate below and Aberdeen watched as William shot pucks towards Freddie in the net, sneaking one past him before skating around their perimeter of the rink a few times.  On the other side of the ice, the Columbus Blue Jackets were doing the exact same thing, though she barely knew or recognized a soul on the team.  One of them could walk by her in the arena and she wouldn’t know better.  

“How do you think it’s gonna go?” Brendan asked from six feet away from her, his black mask covering his face.

Aberdeen shrugged her shoulders.  “You should stop asking me these questions, Brendan.  I know nothing about hockey.”

“That may be,” he said, not letting up, “but you know the boys, on a level far superior than your knowledge of hockey.  So what do you say?”

Aberdeen thought about it.  She knew them on a personal level, but that didn’t matter at all – at least she didn’t think it mattered – when it came to a playoff game.  She knew how much pressure the guys were under.  She also knew that they were still adjusting to the bubble life and how weird everything was.  Make no mistake – they were being taken care of exceptionally well by the staff at the Royal York Hotel, and Aberdeen made sure she said a loud thank you to every worker she came across and interacted with.  She heard every single one of the guys do the exact same thing.  But she didn’t know how that would translate into a hockey game.  They were two different things.  They were to different entities that she had no idea how to join together.  

“I don’t know,” she shrugged, her voice soft.  “When you ask me these questions, I feel like you want me to be Nostradamus or something.  What if I said they were going to lose 2-0?”

“I’d believe you,” Brendan shrugged.

***

The Leafs lost 2-0.

“C’mon Nostradamus,” Brendan said as he packed up his clipboard and tucked it under his arm.  “The social media posts can wait.  You need to go mediate the post-game interviews and press calls.”

Aberdeen packed up her iPad after she rolled her eyes.  She shouldn’t have said anything.  She should have responded ‘They’re going to win 5-0!’ the first time he ever asked her that question and kept that answer throughout the entire season.  She followed six feet behind Kyle, who was in turn six feet behind Brendan, as they made their way to the locker room.  By the time they got there, Sheldon was nearing the end of his post-game speech.  Most of the guys were half undressed – at least at the top – and a few of them were shoving off their elbow pads and chucking their tape from their socks into the bins.  They all looked irritated.  

She made her way into the media room and set up the Zoom call where a bunch of reporters joined.  Morgan and Auston walked into the room, and she quickly typed in the chat which players were there so they could organize their questions accordingly.  Morgan and Auston sat down in their chairs.  

“Is Steve on the call?” Auston asked suddenly while Aberdeen was adjusting the camera.

“Uh, yeah.  Why?” she asked.

Auston pursed his lips together and shrugged it off.  

The interviews were going fine.  She hated hearing the sound of her own voice on recordings but she knew she’d have to suck it up for the sake of the media call.  She called on each reporter by name.  The boys answered their questions.  It was all very routine.  

“Steve Simmons from the Toronto Sun,” Aberdeen called out.  She waited, and while waiting, she saw Morgan’s and Auston’s demeanour completely change.  

“Uhhh, Steve Simmons, Toronto Sun for Auston – it’s one thing to hear about how tight they play, and to even watch the films of how tight they play.  What was it like to experience it?”

Auston took the lead.  “Uh, well I mean first of all, it’s unfortunate that I’mn getting a question from you at this point, Steve, but I just wanted to say I didn’t really appreciate the article you wrote about me a couple months ago.  I thought, uh, it was very unethical to be honest, but…uh, moving along…”

Aberdeen didn’t hear the rest of his answer.  Truthfully, she didn’t care.  All she could feel was a burning sensation shooting up her spine at Auston’s words.  He did it.  He called out Steve Simmons, the most annoying reporter known to mankind.  

She smirked.

***

After the media interviews, Aberdeen found a quiet space and took out her iPad again to post the final score graphic to the team’s Instagram page.  As she finished typing the caption – ‘Battled hard.  Back at it on Tuesday.’ – she heard some fairly loud footsteps behind her before they stopped.  “A girl?” a voice from behind her said.

She didn’t recognize it – and it wasn’t like anybody from the team would refer to her as “a girl” – so she furrowed her brows and turned around.  She saw what had to be a member of the Columbus Blue Jackets staring at her.  She couldn’t see it, but she automatically knew from the way he was standing and the energy he gave off that he was smirking smugly underneath his mask.  “Yeah, we exist,” she shot him a look, not ready to take any bullshit from him or anybody else.  The way these men thought she was a complete novelty astounded her.  “Have you never seen one of us before?”

“So Barzy was right,” the man continued.  “The Leafs have a girl in their bubble.  Incredible.”

Aberdeen could tell by the way he said and emphasized girl that this conversation – if you could call it that – was gonna be a doozy.  The guy was huge but didn’t look any older than she was, so she knew she would be able to put him in his place.  “What are you even doing in this hallway?  You’re not supposed to be on this side,” she said sternly.  “I suggest you leave and go back to your area of the arena unless you want me to complain to the NHL that your breaching protocol.”

From the very end of the hallway, another figure walked by, stopping at the gap when he apparently found who he was looking for.  Aberdeen could at least recognize him – John Tortorella, the head coach of the Columbus Blue Jackets.  “Pierre, what the fuck are you doing there?  Come on, we gotta go.”

The man, named Pierre, gave Aberdeen a smoldering look.  She rolled her eyes.  “Must have taken a wrong turn,” he said, loud enough so John would hear.

Dead set on not taking any bullshit, and just really, really wanting to put this guy in his place, Aberdeen didn’t let up.  “Perhaps you should remind Pierre of how to speak to the staff of another NHL team,” she said sternly.  Both men were too far away to notice how red she was getting, but she could see Pierre whip his head to look at her and his eyes go wide in shock.  “And perhaps he should read another copy of the social distancing and bubble protocols tonight in his bedroom so he doesn’t make this unfortunate decision again,” she said, deliberately using ‘decision’ instead of ‘mistake’, because she fucking knew this was no mistake.  She wondered what other rumours were swirling in the Royal York about a girl being in the Leafs bubble.  

Pierre scurried to the end of the hallway.  From her spot, she could hear John chuckle.  “You must be the Aberdeen Bloom I’ve only ever heard good things about,” he said.  “Keep it up.  I might ask you to take my place to keep the boys in line.”

She couldn’t help but smile.  Pierre took one last look between his coach and ‘the girl’.  “I could take ‘em,” Aberdeen commented, getting a nod from John before he and Pierre disappeared.  

She let out a breath.  

***

After the team got back to the hotel, picked up their pre-packaged dinner, and settled into their rooms, Aberdeen showered and changed.  She sat at the desk where she put the meal and took out her phone.  She sent some quick texts to her parents, Siena, and Camden before bringing up William’s name.

U up?

lmao minskatt isnt that what i should be saying to u *wink emoji*

Do you want to eat dinner together?

of course

I’m ready whenever you are babe

She waited for him to start the call.  Not even two minutes later, her phone began to ring and “Head Empty” flashed across the screen.  She accepted the FaceTime call almost immediately.  When it connected and he appeared on her screen, walking in his hotel room with his bathrobe on and his hair wet and tied back, she smiled.  “Hi.”

“Hi minskatt,” he said, his voice low.  She watched as he put a pair of headphones on.  “That’s better.”

Hers were already in.  “I’m sorry about the game tonight,” she said, perching her phone on a high point on the desk.  “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.

He shrugged.  “Not really.  At least, not right now,” he said, putting his phone down too.  “Maybe later.  Like, after we have dinner.”

“Promise me we will.”

“I promise,” he said, looking into the phone.  He knew she would want him to talk about it, and he made her a promise all those months ago.  He would never break it.  “Right now I just want to have dinner over FaceTime with my girlfriend even though we’re less than fifty feet away from each other.”

Aberdeen chuckled, if only because she agreed wholeheartedly that this whole thing was ridiculous.  The tone of William’s voice made her know that he thought it completely ridiculous too.  “It’s hard.  I know.  At least we get free food,” she held up a forkful of the marinated chicken breast.  “And good food.  It’s not like it’s airplane food.”

William smiled slightly.  “First thing I do when we get out of here is bring you to Canoe or Ardo or Miku and splurge on every meal they have on the menu,” he said.  

“Sounds good to me.  Maybe by then I’ll have a new job to celebrate, anyway.”

“How’s the article coming along?” he asked.

“Fine,” she said.  She’s started in the other day and already had about 1500 words worth of material.  She figured the best way to go about it was keep a sort of diary every day and then edit it down when she could.  “Might talk about how fucking awkward you hockey boys are these days with women.”

“I’m excluded from that, right?” he asked.  “I mean, I totally swept you off your feet when we first met.”

She couldn’t help but smile.  “You did.”

***

August 3rd, 2020

Aberdeen accompanied the team to one of the workout facilities just so she could catch a glimpse of sone sunshine on the day off.  Instead of working out, she sat on the sidelines of where all the equipment was and the boys worked out, furiously typing away on her personal laptop.  Every so often when she’d glance up, she’d see Morgan’s thighs almost ripping through his shorts as he did some lunges; she’d see Auston’s biceps almost bursting through his sleeves as he lifted weights above his head; she’d see William’s thick torso exposed as his shirt rode up from him throwing a heavy medicine ball above his head.  

A million girls in this city would kill her to be in her position.

And here she was, writing 10,000 words about them instead of ogling them.  Well, everyone except her secret boyfriend.

***

August 4th, 2020

Game 2.  

Aberdeen was confident that the boys would respond to Columbus’s win in Game 1.  She could tell in their energy throughout the day and in the arena they were ready and they were ready to win.  

“Hey Nostradamus,” Brendan called out, winking.  Aberdeen saw Kyle chuckle from behind his mask.  “What’s the score gonna be?”

“Oh shut it,” she shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest and smirking to herself.  Except she couldn’t hold her tongue.  “3-0, but this time for us.”

“I believe her!” Kyle piped up.  

Brendan snorted.  “Who’s placing bets?!”

The bell rang and everybody settled down to stand for the anthem.  As the game got underway, Aberdeen could feel rushes of electricity move up her spine every time the Leafs touched the puck.  They were playing phenomenally.  They looked focused, into it, and like a complete team.  It was a night and day difference from Game 1.  Though the first period didn’t have any goals, Aberdeen knew they’d be coming – for the Leafs only.

In the second period Auston scored and Aberdeen jumped out of her seat to celebrate.  And when John scored late in the third period to get a two goal lead, she was even happier.  

Then, with less than two minutes left, disaster hit.  

It was a play behind the net.  Pierre Luc Dubois – the guy from the other day, Aberdeen had learned – basically cross-checked Jake Muzzin, and Jake fell awkwardly, trying to break it, with his head hitting a Blue Jackets player’s leg.  He fell to the ice.  

He wasn’t getting up.  And the referee hadn’t blown the whistle.  

Those fuckers.

“BLOW THE FUCKING WHISTLE!!!” Aberdeen screamed at the top of her lungs, startling Brendan and Kyle.  Her face was turning red.  She was sure she’d been so loud the referee actually heard her, because he finally blew it.  Jake was having a hard time getting up, and then he lay back down.  One of the trainers immediately made his way onto the ice, rushing towards Jake.

The replays began to play from every angle, and Aberdeen watched on the TV screen in the box how his head and neck contorted once he hit the player’s thigh.  She had tears in her eyes as she watched the worst angles.  She looked back out onto the ice to see Jake still lying there.  The trainer was still with him, though more were making their way onto the ice now.  Then, she saw one of the trainers put his hands near Jake’s neck.  They called for a stretcher.  

She bolted out of her seat.

“Aberdeen!” she could hear Brendan call out after her, but she didn’t listen.  She didn’t turn around.  She hurried down to ice level, her mind running a mile a minute, and flashed her credentials to anyone and everyone she needed to, not bothering to stop so they could actually see them.  

By the time she got to ice level, she could hear the distant sound of sticks tapping, letting her know he was being stretched off.  She met all the trainers and the stretcher at the entrance.  “Jake?!” she asked frantically.  

“Aberdeen?” he asked.  

“Are you okay?  Did you break your neck?!”

“I didn’t break my neck.  I can feel my arms and legs,” he said.  Aberdeen let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding in.  “Did it look scary?”

“Is that a joke?” she asked.  “I ran down here the second they called for the stretcher.”

“We’re going to take him to the hospital.  He’s going to have to leave the bubble,” the head trainer informed Aberdeen.  “You need to tell Brendan and Kyle.  Then update us on the protocol of what it will take to get him back into the hotel.”

Before she could acknowledge what was just said, Jake spoke up again.  “Aberdeen?”

“Yeah Jake?”

“You need to call Courtney for me.  Tell her I’m okay,” he said.  “She’s probably worried sick.”

Aberdeen’s heart sunk into her stomach.  Courtney.  “Yeah yeah, of course—”

“—You have her number, right—”

“—We really need to get him to the hospital—”

“—Yeah, I have her number—”

“—Call Courtney, please,” were Jake’s last words before he was stretchered off.

Aberdeen watched until they were out of her line of sight.  For a few moments, the images of what just happened flashed through her mind, and she momentarily forgot about everything.  She felt sick to her stomach.  Jake said he felt okay, but she knew hockey players always just said that.  Morgan had been playing injured for the better part of the year until he actually got injured.  High sticks to the face, lost teeth, blood drawn – these guys just put a bandaid on it and said they were fine.  But this was different.  

When Courtney’s face crossed her mind, she jolted back to life and grabbed her phone out of her pocket, scrolling until she found Courtney’s number.  The phone didn’t even have to ring twice.  “Aberdeen?!” she asked frantically.  “How’s Jake?”

“Hey Court—he’s okay—”

“He’s okay?!”

“Well, they’re bringing him to the hospital right now,” she said.  “But I was able to talk to him because I rushed down to ice level and he told me he was fine and to call you.”

“So you—you were able to talk to him,” Courtney said, her voice much calmer than just moments before.  “You saw him?”

“Yes.  He told me he could move his arms and legs,” Aberdeen informed her.

“Okay.  Okay.  Does that mean he has to leave the bubble though?  I mean can I go visit him?”

Aberdeen cringed.  “I don’t think so,” she said.  As she did, she could hear Luna being fussy in the background and Courtney trying to calm her.  “The NHL has an agreement with Toronto General about potential injuries.  If everything is okay and he comes back into the bubble, all he has to do is pass three negative tests,” she explained, listening to Luna get even fussier.  

“Okay.  Alright.  But they’ll call me, right?”

“Absolutely.  I’m sure Jake will even be able to call you from the hospital.  Our trainers all have their phones on them.”

“Thanks Aberdeen,” Courtney said, and Aberdeen could hear the relief in her voice.  She knew all Courtney wanted was to hear from her husband.  Luna let out a loud cry.  “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye Court,” Aberdeen ended the call.  

Families.  So many of them had families.  So many of them had families that were suffering and making do with a prolonged absence and Aberdeen couldn’t take it.  The players were sacrificing so much to be in the bubble.  And their families were sacrificing so much letting them go into the bubble.  She knew most of them had money – to cope, to do whatever, really – but that didn’t compensate for presence.  That didn’t compensate for having daddy around to play and snuggle with.  

She began to cry as she found herself walking towards the locker room, not even knowing whether or not the game had ended.  She didn’t really care at this point.  All she could think about was Courtney and Luna at home, worrying about Jake as he was being taken to the hospital.  To Aberdeen, nothing else mattered right now.  

She heard some commotion from the locker room and she knew the boys were back in.  She didn’t know how long they’d been back for, and didn’t bother to peek in to see.  She didn’t want to when her eyes were still red and welling up with tears.  Instead, she hid herself around a corner, crouching down with her knees against her chest, wiping at her eyes every so often and trying to control her emotions before having to go in, or getting called by Brendan, or by Kyle, or—

“There you are.”

Well, so much for that.

She looked up from her crouched position and saw Jason looking down at her.  He wasn’t completely undressed – he had all his UnderArmour on – but he was still sweaty from the game and his hair was matted against his head.  She wiped her eyes one last time before getting up.  “Hi.”

“Did you see Jake?”

She nodded.  “He’s okay.  He can feel and move his arms and legs or whatever.”

“Why are you crying?”

She knew he wasn’t asking to be insolent, but did she really have to have to spell it out for him?  “Don’t tell me you’re immune to this shit,” she said.  “I just had to call Courtney and explain to her that her husband didn’t break his neck and end his God damn career.  Luna was crying in the background.  It’s a lot, okay?”

Jason nodded his head.  “I know it is.  I’m not trying to…fuck, I know that came out wrong.  He’s gonna be okay, Aberdeen.”

“Thanks.”

“Come on, Aberdeen,” he said soothingly.  “It’s gonna be okay.”

She shook her head, wiping away the last of her tears.  “I know.  I’m just being a big baby.”

“No you’re not,” Jason said.  “You’re not being a big baby.  You’re being a human being.  Someone you cared about got hurt.  Do you want to talk about it when you get back to the hotel?” he asked.

She considered it for only half a second before she shook her head.  “No.  I know you call your girls every night.  I can’t take time away from them.”

“Aberdeen—”

“I’ll be okay,” she asserted.  “I promise.  I’ll be okay.”

“Aberdeen!” Kyle’s voice suddenly called out.  He rushed towards her with his phone in his hand.  “They took him to the hospital, right?”

“Yeah,” she nodded her head, trying to steady her voice and make it seem as professional as possible.  “He’s technically left the bubble, so we have to update the trainers on protocol to get him back into the hotel and how—”

“I’ll handle that with Brendan and Josh,” he interrupted.  “But he was okay?”

“He could feel his arms and legs.  That’s what he told me.  Then he asked me to call Courtney and I did that.”

Kyle nodded his head, looking – really looking – at Aberdeen for the first time in their conversation.  “Were you crying?”

“I’m going to be fine,” was all she said.  

***

“I’m going to come to your room,” William said through the phone in a strained voice.

“Don’t you dare,” Aberdeen chastised him, a new batch of tears having fallen down her face as she lay in bed.  “Don’t you even think about leaving your room, William.”

“Aberdeen, you need me and I need to be with you right now—”

“And you need to stay in your room so you don’t get kicked out of the bubble,” she said sternly.  “I’m being serious, Will.  Don’t come over.”

She watched as he bit his lip and shook his head.  She could see all over his face how conflicted he was.  It was one of the things she loved most about him – to the world, he seemed cool and unemotional and that he didn’t really care about anything or take anything too seriously, but to her, he was the entire range of emotions in one conversation.  He had a heart full of gold and she knew it would always stay that way.  “This is killing me, minskatt,” he whispered, his voice defeated.  “I want to be there for you when you need me.  Always.  I mean…you need me, right?”

Her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach.  She didn’t know where this was coming from, but like some things with William, she felt like it was something that had been on his mind for a while and was only letting out now.  He was still learning to talk to her about his feelings.  He was keeping his promise from February, so she could appreciate that.  “Of course I need you,” she said softly.  “I’ll always need you like you need me.  We’re in this together.  You know that.  But you need to be on this team right now.  You need to help them fight.  This isn’t about me.  It’s about the team.”

“It’s always about you,” William said.  “You still don’t get it, do you?  It’s always about you.”

“Don’t make it about me right now, Willy.  It’s not about me.  It’s about Jake, and the team,” she paused for dramatic effect.  “Make it about me later,” she added, trying to be humourous.

It garnered a small smile from him, and she felt proud of herself.  “I love you, minskatt.”

“I love you too Willy.  Promise me you’ll get some sleep?”

He nodded slightly.  “I promise.”

***

Aberdeen’s iPhone was still in her hands as she woke again from its vibrations.  She jumped at the sensation of being awoken in the middle of the night.  If it was Willy calling her at three in the morning, she was gonna kill him.  

“Hello?” her voice was groggy.

The voice on the other end was not William’s.  “I lived, bitch.”  

***

August 6th, 2020

It wouldn’t be a Toronto Maple Leafs series without some drama, apparently.  And the drama tonight was how the team blew a 3-0 lead, allowing the Columbus Blue Jackets to win 4-3 in overtime, with Pierre-Luc Dubois scoring a hattrick.  That meant the Columbus Blue Jackets were now up 2-1 in the series.

It meant the Leafs could go home tomorrow.

Aberdeen tried not to think about it.  

She didn’t bring it up with anybody as they went back to the hotel, and she knew, judging by the looks on their faces, that they didn’t want to hear about it either.  Nobody would be turning on their TVs tonight, and she doubted they would check the news on their phones, either.  Maybe they’d play video games to take their minds off of it.  Or maybe they’d go right to bed and rest, since they had to do all of this again in less than 24 hours.  Fuck.

Aberdeen took a shower.  She washed her face.  She did her skincare.  She put on a sheetmask.  

Her phone rang.

She knew it was William, so she tucked herself into bed and accepted the FaceTime call.  When he realized that she had a sheetmask on, a smile broke out on his face from ear to ear.  “Nice sheetmask,” he said, biting his bottom lip.

She smiled cheekily and shrugged her shoulders.  “You’re used to it by now.  Shouldn’t come as much of a surprise,” she said.

“I am used to it by now and—oh shit, hold on, I forgot something…” he said, trailing off as he set his phone down so Aberdeen could only see the ceiling in his room.  Knowing William, he probably forgot to turn the light off in the bathroom or something.  But the longer he took, the more Aberdeen became skeptical of his whereabouts.  She barely heard anything on the other end.  “There we are…” she heard his voice.  And then she saw what he had on his face: a sheetmask.  He was still smiling from ear to ear.  “Now where were we?” he asked.

“William!” Aberdeen squealed, letting out giggles she couldn’t hold in at the sight of him.  He looked ridiculous.  It was clearly the first time he’d ever put one on himself.  “What in God’s name are you doing?”

“You love these things!” he tried to justify himself.  “I brought one because I knew I’d catch you at least once in here with one of these things on.  And if we can’t do it together…well, physically, then we can do them together in separate rooms.  Like everything else we need to do.”

Her cheeks flushed red – not that he could see.  He bought sheetmasks and put them on with her.  He gave her time to write.  He encouraged her writing.  He listened to her.  He cared for her.  He was even better than anything she could have imagined in a dream boyfriend.  How did she get so lucky?  How did she let guys treat her like shit before him?  She felt tears well in her eyes.  He was going all out to make the best of the bubble, and she couldn’t be more thankful.  “I love you so much, Willy.”

“I love you too, minskatt.”

“No…I love you Willy.  Like love you love you.  Love you love you love you.  I don’t even have the words…and I’m a writer!  You make me speechless, Willy.  There aren’t enough words in the English or Swedish languages that I can string together that will, like, tell you or show you how much I love you.”

“I get it, minskatt.  Don’t worry.  I feel the same way.”

“I don’t know how I got so lucky with you.”

“I annoyed you enough until I wore you down,” he quipped.

She giggled.  “You seduced me is what I’d call it.”

“I don’t know about that.  If I remember correctly it was you rubbing yourself against my thigh that morning.”

She made a face at him.  He made the exact same face back but crinkled his sheetmask so he had to flatten it with his free hand.  She watched him with complete adulation.  “Willy?”

“Minskatt?”

“Can we listen to our song together?”

William smiled.  He fiddled around with his phone and his ‘Minskatt’ playlist until the familiar chords started playing over the phone, filling the air with the nicest, best, most beautiful sound Aberdeen had ever heard – save for Willy’s laugh, maybe – because she knew this song was about her, about them, and it was still their little secret.

[doctorreids]

folklore - spencer reid x reader

CHAPTER EIGHT - august 

previous chapter | next chapter 

word count - 1.7k 

a/n - see @ the end ! 

warnings: slight sexual content, nothing explicit though. 

“i never needed anything more, whispers of ‘are you sure?’ ‘never have i ever before.’”

The glare of headlights filtered through his car as he drove down the main street, few cars passed. Red and green lights mixed together as he reached each stoplight.

The reality of what he was about to do hit him, just 20 minutes from her apartment he thought about turning back.

The ‘what if’s’ swirled around in his head. What if he wasn’t good enough? What if he truly hadn’t changed and he was just kidding himself? What if she was better off without him?

He would be lying if that last thought didn’t make tears pool in his eyes.

The late-night drive, however, did remind him of August's past. When he pulled up outside her apartment when they had the rare week off and told her to get in. Alex Blake had kindly given them the use of her beach-side Hampton’s summer home. The five-hour drive stretched well into the night.

He could remember her laughter in the passenger seat and her soft snores as they travelled down the highway. Talking nonsense and playing ‘I spy’ to pass the time before the sun began to set, the sky turning from blue into a purple-pink sky with red hues.

Before she drifted to sleep she turned towards him and whispered, “Red sky at night shepherd’s delight, red sky in the morning shepherd’s warning.”

The memory made him smile.

It also made him wonder if this was worth it. If he was too late.

…

“So you’re telling me you’ve never played ‘Never Have I Ever’?” She giggled.

“Nope.” Popping the ‘p’, he shrugged.

Pulling herself onto his lap, she peered up at him.

“Well then,” she sighed comically, “guess I’m just going to have to take your Never Have I Ever virginity! Pass me the wine.”

Tipsy and thinking nothing of it, he passed her the wine.

Hours passed and the questions got dirtier and dirtier. No longer did he blush or feel awkward at her suggestive comments, he made them himself.

They were both slurring, roaring with laughter at times. He had never felt more whole.

“Awk, Spencer, pick your jaw up from the floor.” She straddled him, her finger traced along his jawline.

He smiled up at her before pressing his lips to hers. His hands rested on her hips, she was fully pressed into his chest. She toyed with the buttons on his shirts as he kissed her neck.

He could not describe the utter state of bliss he was in; all he could feel, see, and hear was her. Her soft whimpers at his touch, her soft butterfly kisses on his chest, her bright eyes staring back at him, so full of love and adoration. He never wanted that feeling to end. He had never felt braver as he slipped off her top, placing kisses down her stomach and her thighs, watching her body react to his touch and the soft gasps that escaped her lips. He was on a high that he believed would never end, her touch was like ecstasy, he was filled with complete euphoria.

Whispered ‘I love you’s’ passed between them, he finally knew how it felt to be a teenager falling in love for the first time. She was his true first love. She was the kiss under the bleachers that he never got. She was the prom date he had waited for. He felt 13 years younger with her - shy, bashful and unsure.

The universe and all its questions had all its answers when he was with her.

“august slipped away into a moment in time, cause it was never mine, and I can see us twisted in bedsheets, august sipped away like a bottle of wine.”

The memory of the past August made him smile. They spent the day on the beach, reading and Y/N pulling him into the water despite his protests of it being too cold. They cooked together, showered together, and spent every other moment with each other. If he thought hard enough he could still remember the smells of the local Italian restaurant, the smell of each bottle of red, white and rose wine they drank. He could recall every word that was said.

“I love you.”

“The earth has rotated roughly 212.9 times in the seven months we’ve been together.”

“Not a more accurate figure, no?”

“I’m not a calculator, my love.”

He laughs audibly at the memory. He took so much for granted; how she would listen to his ramblings about everything and anything, especially things she didn’t understand. She would listen so intently, her eyes following his every word and gesture, and she would try her best to talk about astrophysics or whatever his chosen topic was in her own vocabulary, in a way she could understand.

She thought his mind was amazing, he thought her mind was too.

She was patient. She was kind. She was kind.

The memories don’t feel like they are his. They are only a slippery slope into madness. Tempting him back to the days of curling up on his sofa clutching some novel that reminds him of her.

His copy of Pride and Prejudice is now completely worn as he finds himself reading it over and over, remembering the sound of her voice of one summer afternoon in which she read it to him.

He had it memorised cover to cover but he couldn’t bring himself to read it aloud, only her voice could gently relay one of the greatest love stories of all time. A story he had hoped they would rival.

Maybe it was too big of fantasy to maintain hope but without hope, he was lost.

He didn’t feel as though he owned the memory of the past August. Almost as though he was out of his own body, watching it happen. Watching things be so perfect and then watching them fall apart. It was a vicious cycle.

“your back beneath the sun, wishin’ I could write my name on it.”

The morning sun flooded the room as he rolled over to face her. The thin white curtains did little to keep the light out. He couldn’t figure out what time it was and he couldn’t be bothered to look at the small alarm clock beside him.

Her back faced away from him, soft snores came from her mouth. He traced his finger all so gently along the lace of her nightdress to the base of her neck, along the straps and soft cotton material. The sun illuminated her skin, an angelic halo encircling her.

Not even Michelangelo could paint something so heavenly.

Each time he looked at her he felt winded. He was not one to dwell on luck, he focused rather on what was guaranteed and soundproof, but he knew he was so lucky to call her ‘his’. To be able to hold her, to watch each sunrise and sunset with her, was everything to him.  

It was at this moment he decided on their future - the girl before him was the woman he knew he was going to marry. Someday, he promised himself.

“I can practically feel you burning holes into my back, Spence.’ Her laugh cracked with sleep as she turned to face him.

They lay there for a few moments holding each other’s gaze, irises swimming with love. He grabbed her waist, a soft muffled hum as she rested her hand on his chest.

“I can also hear you thinking. Penny for your thoughts?” Her voice was gentle.

He hummed.

“I think you can hear my aching head rather than my thoughts, sweetheart.”

“Aw, does poor Doctor Reid have a sore head?” She teased.

Lifting her head with his index finger, he said, “Now, what did I say about calling me Doctor Reid.”

“Ah, yes. How could I possibly forget! At least one of us can remember last night with some degree of clarity.”

He laughed, “I just have a hangover, I remember everything. Not like you on some of your girl’s nights with Garcia.”

Pulling her pillow from underneath her, she hit him with it.

“You promised you wouldn’t speak of that!” She groaned.

“And you promised you wouldn’t call me unless…” He trailed off.

He wished he could stay there forever as their laughter mixed together.

…

There are moments after laughing, those deep belly laughs, where silence fell upon them both and she would look at him with that mischievous look in her eye and he would fall over and over again.  It was pure, unadulterated joy as they caught their breath.

These are the moments he wishes more than anything that he could live once more.

The empty passenger seat reminds him of the silence of their apartments as they grew further apart. It reminds him when she would sit there and stare out the window without as much of a glance towards him. It also reminds him of the drive home from their august trip. She was glowing, happily chewing on a piece of candy or eating the Cheetos they’d specifically bought for JJ and claiming she would buy more packs when they got back. (She never did.)

Time seemed to slow as each stop light turned red. The drive extended by a few extra minutes. More time to psych himself out. To tell himself to turn around. To remind himself that she wasn’t his to lose.

She was her own person, it was the reason he loved her so. She couldn’t be owned by anyone. In another way, neither could he. Maybe it’s why they clicked together like missing pieces of a puzzle. It’s a possibility why they fell apart so quickly, those pieces must have gotten lost somewhere along the way.

He no longer felt the anxiousness of before, determination surged through his veins. Each red light he stopped at reminded him of each mistake, each time he missed the cracks and signs. This time, he promises himself, he would be better.

He took the next right, knowing that she was 10 minutes away.

He was 10 minutes away from either making the best or worst decision of his life.

600 seconds away from his heart’s home.

799.

798…

--

a/n: hi guys!! sorry for the long wait - results week was very weird for me, and i had to get my grades reassessed and that was another week before i found them out too (which i went up to 2A*s and an A which was way more than what i originally got) which was amazing! i’ve just been going through a rough patch mentally and i’ve been busy sorting out university etc. i feel as though i owe you all an apology for not updating as often - this chapter just took it out of me but i’m looking to update at least weekly or maybe twice a week!! thank u for all the support it means so much <3

taglist: @itsfangirlmendes @toosassy2handle @supernatural-strangerthings-1980 @rexorangecouny @myheartbelongsintz @toizerdecker @baddestbau​ @haylaansmi​ @hess016 @blameitonthenight21​

[the-l-spacer]

Summary: When Lloyd falls sick, leaving the August Sky Repertory without a narrator, David Adams, a college student taking theatre on the side, gets thrust into the limelight.

Written for Day 1 of Shaperaverse Prompt Week!

David arrives late for rehearsal. It’s not his fault really, what with the rain slowing traffic to a crawl, and how he lives further from the August Sky Repertory Theatre than the rest of the group, and of course the bus is always late…

... is how he’s rationalising sleeping way, way in when Lloyd inevitably rakes him over the metaphorical coals for his tardiness. The company’s irritable stage manager detested when things didn’t go exactly according to plan, with lateness being a particularly egregious sin in his books. David thanks the stars that today’s rehearsal is only student-run, so he won’t have to deal with all that, on top of their director, William’s, trademark ‘I’m-not-mad-I’m-disappointed’ side glance that sometimes cut deeper than the worst of Lloyd’s tirades.

So when David barrels through the main entrance, sneakers squeaking on the polished marble floors, runs up the stairs to the auditorium on the building’s second floor, he’s fully prepared a barrage of apologetic excuses and half-truths. And when he pushes past the double doors, an ‘I’m so, so sorry' is on the tip of his tongue, ready to spill from his mouth.

And then he realises that Lloyd is, quite inexplicably, absent from their rehearsal.

His footsteps slow, and he proceeds at a steady trot downward, past rows of velvet-covered seats, to where Jill and Michael are, eating pizza with their legs dangling over the lip of the stage, spilling crumbs into the orchestra pit (something Lloyd and William would grow white hairs over, if they were actually there to begin with).

“Yo, Davey!” Michael waves. He scoots over two paper cups of soda, and pats the now-empty spot next to him. Taking his cue, David boosts himself up on the stage, plucking a slice of pizza from Jill’s hands.

“Hey. Sorry ‘m late.” He shoves half the pizza into his mouth, ignoring Jill’s protests.

“Damn, David, this your first meal of the day?” Michael balks, wordlessly passing a new pizza slice over to Jill, who accepts it with a huff.

“Yeah, actually.” David finishes off the crust, wipes greasy fingers off on his jeans. “Stayed up too late last night rushing a submission, so I overslept. No time for breakfast. I thought Lloyd would be ready and waiting to chew me out though. Where is he?”

As if on cue, Asha emerges from left wing, pacing the stage and chattering anxiously on her phone. “And you’re sure you’re getting enough water? Did you take a panadol? I could get some soup delivered to you.” Noticing David for the first time, she mouths a silent, Lloyd’s sick.

“You’re joking.”

Three pairs of eyes turn to David.

“What?” He puts his hands up in mock surrender. “He’s never sick. Don’t you guys ever notice he’s at rehearsal, like, always? He’s never late, never forgets to bring his script, and he never falls sick. it’s like he’s some sort of automaton. A weird theatre-obsessed automaton who runs on.. uhh..”

“Salt,” Jill offers, “and spite.”

“Yeah, that.” David holds out his hand to Asha, currently glaring daggers at him and Jill. “Can I talk to him? Just, you know, to be sure? And to wish him well and all.”

Sighing, Asha says a final “Take care, okay?” to the person on the other side of the phone, and passes it over to David’s outstretched hand.

“Lloyd?”

The voice coming through the Huawei’s tinny speaker is barely recognisable, raspy and low. “David. You’re late for rehearsal. You know-“ a series of hacking coughs interrupts whatever Lloyd (because it was, most unmistakably, Lloyd) was trying to say.

“Hey, hey, save it, yeah?” David’s own voice is threaded through with concern, but he can’t help a slight smile from crossing his face. Even when sick, Lloyd still can’t resist trying to lecture him. That sanctimonious idiot. “You’ll have plenty of time to yell at me once you’re better.”

A tiny chuckle. “That’s a.. all the incentive I need.” He clears his throat once, then twice. “Anyhow, I expect you all to continue rehearsal as normal. I’ve put Asha in charge. Just.. run through Janissary again, David, you’re taking over as Narrator, try to memorise your blocking, a-“

“-excuse me, what?!?”

“- I said, memorise y.. your blocking, and-“

“- no, no, the other thing. You want me to play the Narrator?!??”

“I don’t misspeak, David. There’s no one else to fill in for me, and we all know I narrate terribly.”

“B.. but Michael could, or I could call in his understudy. And who’s gonna work on lighting? I thought that was my job!”

“I-“ another coughing fit, “-I’ve arranged for Kate to take over the lighting, just for today. She should be arriving soon.” As if to anticipate the further protests forming in David’s mind, he continues. “You auditioned into this theatre program to sing and act, just like the rest of us. You can’t expect to keep hiding backstage and playing background roles. It’s time for you to step u-“ Lloyd’s voice gives out entirely, and Asha snatches the phone from David’s limp grasp.

“You’ve lost your phone privileges,” she says smoothly. Then, turning away from David, spluttering and panicking, she addresses the sick stage manager (and friend!) on the other end of the line. “Lloyd, stop trying to talk on a hoarse throat or I’m going to chuck Brija’s spear at you again. We’ve got this handled. Just sleep someplace cool, keep a cold compress someplace handy. We’ll all come over to visit you once we’re done for the day — nonono, don’t say anything — we will come in and take care of you, because gods know your dad’s not gonna do it, so hush. Go to sleep, and rest well.. Love you too.”

With that, she flicks her phone shut, pockets it, and turns toward the rest of the group, all staring silently at her. She colours a little, tucking a stray curl self-consciously behind her ear. “What?”

“He said ‘love you’?” Michael grins, forming air quotes around the words. “That boy is havin' a fever.”

Jill smacks his arm. “Don’t be an asshole. We know Asha’s more of his mom than anything, not... you know...” She and Asha shoot meaningful glances at David, who, for the record, looks entirely perplexed. Jill mentally sighs. David would come to terms with his crush on Lloyd eventually (or at least, she hopes so, the energy between the two of them is entirely too weird and awkward otherwise).

“Yeah, call me a mom all you like, we all know you’re planning on visiting him after rehearsal too. I just took the liberty of saying we’re all going to spare him having to argue with us individually. Speaking of.” She pulls her long, dark hair into a ponytail, the universal code for let’s get down to business, and claps her hands together. “Shall we begin rehearsing? Kate? Kate!”

The dark, silent theatre is filled with an electrical hum, as row by row, lights spark to life, growing brighter and brighter as they warm up. The control booth at the back of the theatre illuminates, revealing Kate, a freshman and the newest member of New Albion University’s theatre program, clad in a pair of headphones half the size of her face, waving at the group below.

“Sorry, sorry!” Her voice, mic’d up to the theatre’s speakers, bounces eerily around the room. “You guys seemed to be distracted, so I zoned out. Are we ready to start?”

Scowling, David asks, “Was she there the whole time? Was anyone gonna tell me I got replaced as lighting tech by the freshie?”

“Might want to cut the snark there, buddy,” Kate’s amplified voice warns.

“What she said. Also, take this as a valuable learning experience,” Asha says. “You do a good Vizier, but it’s about time you tried a bigger role.”

“And even if it ends horribly, it's fine, since this is just today’s arrangement!” Jill pipes up.

David groans. “Not helping.”

Michael claps him on the shoulder. “Heyyy, you’ll be fine, Davey. Just read through the script and remember where to stand. You got this, man.”

Nodding, David fishes out his Janissary script, and flings his satchel bag toward the seats, where it lands lopsided on the front row.

“Places, everyone! Jill and Michael, clear the trash from the stage!” Asha calls out. “David, stand here.” She ushers him gently to where a faint ‘x’ is taped, downstage right.

A chill runs up his spine. He isn’t hidden upstage, or holed up in the control booth, he’s here, standing at the August Sky Repertory Theatre’s unofficial ‘sweet spot’, a space on stage where even the softest voice can cut right through the cavernous auditorium, clear as crystal. A space reserved for soloists, for the most important characters to have their moment in the spotlight. For anyone but him.

Experimentally, he clears his throat, and almost winces when the sound travels through the vast performance space, silencing the others where they are standing.

“Are you ready, David?”

He turns to look at Asha. “I don’t think I’ll ever be, but I guess we gotta start sometime.” He clears his throat again, rocking nervously on the balls of his feet. “Okay. Act 1, Scene 1.”

The house lights dim, and narrow to spotlight David. He feels their warmth, looks out across the rows of empty seats.

There’s something special, about the moment just before the start of a performance. As one, the world comes to a standstill, and holds its breath in waiting. In the silence, David is all too aware of the thump, thump, thumping of his heart, the rustling of pages as sweaty hands flip his script open, to where the narrator’s lines lie, clean and unannotated. Tabula rasa, a blank slate, leaving only possibility.

The air crackles with anticipation, so thick he can barely breathe, and he can feel the others’ eyes upon him, watching, waiting for him to shatter that tension like glass.

This tale not all will attend, his first line reads.

He takes a breath, back straightening of its own accord. Addressing the invisible audience, he opens his mouth, and begins his performance.

[omxriis]

               hi   guys      !      this   is   something   i’ve   been   tossing   back      &      forth   in   my   head   for   a   lil   bit   ,   but   the   fact   of   the   matter   is   that   my   muse   for   mari   was   starting   to   run   low   ,   but   i’m   a   mess      &      don’t   wanna   let   go   of   him   asdfjkns   ,   so   i   decided   to   revamp   him      !      or   more   accurately   ,   bring   old   mari   back      !      so   below   u   will   find   his   old   biography      (      thank   god   i   still   have   his   old   intro   up   sdfgkjfsd      )      as   well   as   a   little   update   bc   he   needs   smth   to   give   him   a   kick   up   the   ass   :/   this   shouldn’t   rly   affect   most   of   my   plots   but   if   u   would   like   to   plot   smth   w   him   ,   pls   let   me   know      !

&& .   announcing   his   royal   highness  ,      (      𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐈   𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐈   𝐙𝐔𝐋𝐔      )      ,   the      (      𝟑𝟎      )      year   old      (      𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍   𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄      )      of      (      𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐒𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐀      )      .   he   is   often   confused   with      (      𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐄𝐋   𝐁 .   𝐉𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐀𝐍      )      .   some   say   that   he   is      (      𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒      &      𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍      )      ,   but   he   is   actually      (      𝐃𝐄𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐑      &      𝐅𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐅𝐔𝐋      )      .

trigger   warnings   :   brief   mentions   of   death      &      illness   .

*    𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑺𝑻𝑰𝑺𝑻𝑪𝑺   .

𝐅𝐔𝐋𝐋   𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄      &      𝐌𝐄𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒   :      omari      (      god   the   highest      )      malachi      (      my   angel      )      zulu      (      heaven      )      .

𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒    :      mar   ,   mari   .

𝐀𝐆𝐄   :      thirty   .

𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐃𝐀𝐘   :      4th   of   august   .

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑   :      male   .

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐒   :      he   /   him   .

𝐙𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐂   :      leo   af   .

𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐈𝐎𝐍   :      christian   .

𝐎𝐂𝐂𝐔𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍   :      crown   prince   of   botswana      (      self   -   proclaimed   professional   pain   in   the   ass      )      .

𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐒   :      writing   ,   reading   ,   being   in   social   situations   ,   solving   problems   ,   traveling   ,   annoying   his   siblings   .

𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄𝐒   :      loud   eaters   ,   obnoxious   people   ,   big   insects   ,   being   responsible   for   his   actions   .

*    𝑨𝑬𝑺𝑻𝑯𝑬𝑻𝑰𝑪𝑺   .

bare   feet   in   mornings   ,   neatly   folded   clothes   ,   an   organised   shoe   closet   ,   messy   sheets      &      an   unmade   bed   ,   missed   calls   at   2am   ,   highlighted   passages   in   a   book   ,   dogeared   pages   ,   unanswered   texts   ,   tucked   in   shirts   ,   unfinished   books   ,   warm   tea   ,   warm   jumpers   from   the   dryer   ,   odd   ceramic   mugs   ,   hidden   springs   of   water   ,   worn   out   military   boots   ,   fallen   leaves   during   autumn   ,   poetry   at   midnight   ,   sleepy   morning   voice   ,   unsent   letters   .

*   𝑩𝑰𝑶𝑮𝑹𝑨𝑷𝑯𝒀   .

               when   botswana   gained   its   independence   in   1966   ,   it   seemed   as   if   things   were   going   well   .   the   democracy   they   had   built   was   stable      &      it   appeared   as   if   the   land - locked   country   had   no   problems   ,      &      for   a   while   it   hadn’t   but   after   a   few   years   the   peace   in   the   government   started   to   dwindle   .   too   many   people   wanting   too   much   power   ,   somebody   said   .   they   jumped   in   feet   first   without   any   real   clue   how   to   run   a   country   ,   said   another   .   but   over   time   the   uninterrupted   tranquility   became   obsolete   .   botswana   was   slowly   going   down   a   sinkhole   until   1985   ,   when   the   south   african   king   titled   his   eldest   son   ,   arno   zulu   ,   the   king   of   botswana   .

                the   change   shook   the   botswanian   government   to   the   core   ,   a   change   that   it   needed   .   at   first   the   people   of   botswana   weren’t   sure   how   to   react      —      this   new   monarchy   was   something   nobody   had   expected   .   but   the   newly   crowned   king   had   ambition      &      he   had   stride   .   he   had   a   set   vision      &      a   set   plan   to   follow   ,   all   the   while   he   was   kind   to   his   people      &      a   fair   ruler   .   it   didn’t   take   as   long   as   he   expected   for   the   botswanians   to   settle   under   his   rule      (      not   being   given   the   south   african   throne   was   a   huge   knock   on   his   confidence   as   a   royal      )      so   the   speed   his   country   settled   was   comforting   .

                however   ,   the   king   could   never   forgive   his   father   for   throwing   away   his   right   to   the   throne      &      instead   promised   it   to   the   youngest   of   the   zulu   heirs   .   this   bitterness   ,   however   subsided   into   a   more   a   more   subtle   distaste   as   he   settled   into   his   new   role      &      a   short   few   years   later   ,   he   was   married   to   a   libyan   princess      &      not   too   long   after   that   ,   she   fell   pregnant   with   their   first   child   .   the   pregnancy   wasn’t   easy      ;      there   were   a   few   complications   along   the   way   but   after   only   8   months   of   carrying   him   ,   omari   malachi   zulu   was   born   .

                omari   wasn’t   by   any   standards   an   extraordinary   baby   .   his   birth   was   easy   ,   all   things   considered   but   as   the   first   born   child   of   the   king   of   botswana   ,   he   had   responsibilities   he   never   even   knew   he   had   .   the   country   accepted   him   with   open   arms      &      celebrated   his   birth   in   an   ornate   fashion   .   after   all   ,   he   was   the   first   born   child   of   their   first   king   .   streets   were   decorated   with   the   botswanian   flag      &      music   filled   the   streets   for   days   after   .   the   prince   was   a   vision   ,   as   many   called   him   .   he   looked   strikingly   similar   to   his   father   ,   even   small   features   like   the   dimples   in   his   cheeks      &      the   crease   between   his   eyebrows   as   he   smiled   .   for   months   botswana   was   full   of   joy      &      that   joy   started   to   bring   the   country   back   into   the   state   of   peace   they   had   at   the   very   start   of   their   independence   .

                   the   birth   of   their   future   king   gave   them   hope   .   stability   .      &      in   turn   they   treated   their   leaders   with   grace      &      kindness   ,   living   in   harmomy   .   it   was   almost   idyllic      ;      omari   grew   up   in   a   world   where   everyone   was   at   peace   as   opposed   to   just   a   few   years   before   he   was   born   .   he   had   everything   he   wanted      &      was   treated   with   respect   ,   so   he   treated   his   people   with   respect   in   return   .   he   grew   up   in   a   loving   household   ,   full   of   books      &      all   the   learning   tools   a   young   heir   could   need   ,      &      although   his   professor   was   hard   on   him   ,   omari   did   not   let   this   harden   him   .

                as   a   child   he   had   always   been   a   free   -   spirit      ;      he   was   intrigued   by   the   idea   of   traveling      &      had   read   about   all   the   places   in   the   books   from   the   palace’s   library      &      from   strangers   who   had   stayed   at   the   palace   in   passing   .   he   was   quite   content   ,   he   had   a   certain   mischievousness   which   often   caught   the   guards   out      &      a   long   string   of   jokes   that   could   keep   people   laughing   for   days   .   however   ,   for   a   child   living   in   such   a   large   expanse   it   was   incredibly   lonely   ,   so   it’s   to   be   expected   that   when   his   brother   was   born   ,   omari   was   over   the   moon   .

                the   pair   were   like   two   peas   in   a   pod      ;      where   you’d   see   one   ,   you’d   no   doubt   see   the   other   following   not   too   far   behind   .   they   grew   close   quickly      &      omari   was   fiercely   loyal   to   his   younger   brother   .   however   ,   much   like   any   ordinary   older   sibling   he   could   be   difficult   .   although   he   wasn’t   nasty   ,   he   was   a   bit   of   a   tyrant   .   causing   ruckus      &      playing   pranks   on   his   brother   was   omari’s   favourite   pastimes      &      although   they   had   their   disagreements   ,   he   did   it   with   love      &      there   was   very   little   omari   wouldn’t   do   for   him   .

                when   his   brother   was   born   ,   omari   learned   a   lesson   in   sharing   .   when   his   sister   was   born   ,   he   learned   a   lesson   in   protection   .   growing   up   he   was   educated   on   how   to   run   a   country   successfully      &      how   to   be   a   good   king   ,   but   nobody   taught   him   how   to   be   a   good   brother   .   sometimes   he   could   be   intolerant   to   who   he’d   often   call   the   ‘ bonus   zulu   children ’   just   to   irritate   them   ,   but   despite   his   annoying   habits   his   siblings   were   his   best   friends   .   they   filled   the   empty   void   that   would   otherwise   still   be   hollow   in   the   palace      &      on   stressful   days   ,   they’d   be   the   ones   to   aid   him   in   unwinding   .

                the   pressures   of   becoming   king   one   day   didn’t   truly   hit   full   force   until   he   hit   his   teenage   years   .   he   was   expected   to   set   a   prime   example   not   only   for   his   country   but   also   his   siblings   ,      &    although   he   did   a   good   job   at   being   generally   liked   by   his   peers    &      the   like   ,   he   realised   soon   enough   he’d   have   to   get   out   there      &      represent   his   country   ,   so   that’s   what   he   did   .   he   started   travelling   the   world      &      meeting   new   people      &      after   a   while   ,   he   went   to   college   .   someone   had   briefly   suggested   a   college   in   portugal   so   he   decided   to   go   there   ,   studying   literature      &      modern   language   .

                it   was   here   where   he   met   barbara   de   bragança   ,   being   in   college   at   the   same   time   as   she   was   getting   her   degree   .   due   to   his   royal   status   he   was   invited   to   stay   at   her   college   home      &      after   taking   the   opportunity   ,   the   two   quickly   became   close   friends   .   he   completed   his   education   in   portugal   before   he   jetted   off   to   carry   on   exploring   the   world   ,   however   he   never   lost   touch   with   barbie      &      he   started   to   become   more   responsible   as   he   prepared   to   one   day   be   king   .   while   on   his   travels   he   learned   a   lot   about   different   cultures      &      could   strike   up   a   conversation   with   anyone   over   anything   .

                give   or   take   a   few   years    &      his   family   asked   him   to   get   engaged   to   the   princess   of   hungary   ,   fanni   croÿ   .   the   arrangement   was   strange   given   they   already   had   a   history   but   due   to   it   being   for   the   benefit   of   botswana   he   agreed      &      then   they   were   engaged   .   however   ,   just   as   they   were   starting   to   figure   things   out   the   engagement   was   called   off      &      out   of   his   confusion   ,   omari   took   off   without   a   word   to   anyone      &      has   been   m.i.a   ever   since   ,   only   keeping   in   touch   with   a   short   selection   of   people   .

*     𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀   .

omari   is   a   lover   of   adventure      &      experiencing   new   things   .   people   might   call   him   a   thrill   seeker   ,   but   he   just   believes   that   a   life   without   experiencing   everything   you   can   isn’t   a   life   worth   living   .   he   enjoys   learning   new   things      &    is   always   keen   on   hearing   different   opinions   to   benefit   his   own   ,   however   he   can   come   across   as   being   quite   opinionated   when   it   comes   to   his   own   thoughts      &    he’s   not   afraid   to   speak   his   mind   ,   which   sometimes   got   him   into   trouble   when   he   was   younger   but   has   earned   him   great   respect   as   he   grew   older   .

                in   general   ,   omari   is   kind      &      thoughtful   .   he’s   been   influenced   a   lot   by   his   father’s   way   of   ruling   the   country      &      is   a   firm   believer   that   you   should   treat   people   the   way   you   expect   to   be   treated   ,   but   he’s   not   afraid   to   stand   his   ground   when   he   needs   to   or   protect   those   that   he’s   closest   to   .   when   it   comes   to   his   family      &    his   close   friends   ,   omari   will   go   to   the   ends   of   the   earth   for   them   even   if   it   was   just   to   bring   them   a   pretzel   from   europe   .   he   values   them   a   lot      &      is   extremely   loyal   to   them   .

                however   ,   omari   can   be   quite   flaky      &      fickle   .   when   it   comes   to   making   decisions   regarding   his   country   ,   he’s   very   clever   in   his   approach    &    makes   sure   it’s   the   best   decision   but   when   it   comes   to   his   personal   life   ,   he’s   not   very   good   at   all      &      often   has   to   seek   advice   from   other   people   just   to   make   the   correct   decision   .   he   dislikes   situations   that   are   too   messy   ,   which   is   one   of   the   few   reservations   he   has   about   being   king   because   he   knows   he’ll   be   stuck   in   some   but   he’s   working   on   his   habit   of   fleeing   before   the   situation   gets   too   bad      &   instead   striving   to   resolve   them   .

                he   can   be   pretty   mischievous   ,   since   when   he   was   younger   he’d   often   play   pranks   on   the   guards      &    his   siblings   just   to   ,   as   he   used   to   say   ‘ pass   the   time ’   so   although   he’s   someone   you   can   trust   with   your   secrets   ,   he’s   not   someone   you   can   trust   not   to   scare   the   living   daylights   out   of   you   the   next   chance   he   gets   .   he   loves   to   have   fun      &    is   slightly   worried   that   when   he   becomes   king   all   the   fun   he’s   having   now   will   no   longer   exist   ,   but   following   in   his   father’s   footsteps   is   something   he’s   always   been   keen   in   doing      &      seeing   how   well   he’s   doing   pushes   him   to   do   the   same   .

                although   his   father   isn’t   so   bothered   anymore   by   the   fact   that   he   was   ,   as   omari   sees   it   thrown   to   the   side   for   his   younger   brother   ,   omari   is   extremely   bitter   about   it   .   even   though   he   loves   botswana      &      its   people   ,   he   still   heavily   believes   that   since   his   father   is   the   oldest   of   the   zulu   heirs   ,   he’s   rightfully   in   line   for   the   south   african   throne   so   the   fact   that   his   uncle   ,   who’s   little   over   ten   years   older than   him   never   fails   to   stir   up   troubling   thoughts      &      now   that   his   grandfather   has   fallen   ill   ,   he   sees   this   as   an   opportunity   to   start   conflict   with   his   uncle   .

*   𝑼𝑷𝑫𝑨𝑻𝑬   .

ok   i’m   literally   just   gonna   bullet   point   the   things   that   have   changed   for   him   bc   i’m   too   lazy   to   go   back      &      edit   this   entire   bio   sdfkjdnsjkg

but   u   guys   already   know   gramps   is   dead   ,   which   means   ayo   is   king   ,   which   means   the   cousins   failed   in   their   attempts   smh

mari   was   slightly   bitter   after   the   coronation   ,   but   it   only   lasted   for   a   short   while   ,   bc   news   hit   him   that   his   father   wasn’t   very   well   ,   which   meant   that   mari   would   have   to   step   up      &      do   more

i’m   gonna   say   to   save   confusion   that   he   just   wasn’t   doing   enough   .   he   rarely   got   involved   with   political   moves   ,   so   that’s   crucial   now   since   his   father   can’t   cope   as   usual

so   i   don’t   rly   know   how   this   will   affect   him   ,   it’ll   either   make   him   kick   his   ass   into   gear      &      do   shit   with   his   life   or   he’ll   get   so   stressed   he’ll   have   a   break   down

WHO   KNOWS

[digimonadventuretimelines]

[14 - It’s Not Like it Seems to Be]

“Daichi left” Kiyoko told her mother, “and mom Eiji called me to say he also got a digimon.”

“Wait what!?” Miyako stopped preparing their lunch to look at her daughter “Eiji too? How about his sister?”

“Uh… He said she got a digimon as well.”

“Why are our children getting digimon all from a sudden?”

“Doesn’t exist like, Chosen Children around the world?”

“They do, but… My generation, and Taichi’s decided to hide our identities from the world. Because of you and the other kids of the group. We built families, and then were facing the same problem our parents and relatives were struggling during our Chosen Children days.”

“I don’t understand…” Captain frowned “The number of Chosen Children keep increasing, right? So, at this point… Isn’t useless to hide their identities?”

“You got a point. We were young adults when we did it, and didn’t know one day our kids would get digimon partners.”

“And other issues happened that time” Hawkmon added “We had to, at least our identities.”

“Where’s that boy?” Miyako sighed “Daichi is acting strangely lately, going out almost everyday and skipping meals. Are you sure he’s not a Chosen Child too?”

“Nah, he’s not into battling or saving the world. I guess he’s at a bookstore or at the library.”

The bird-like digimons looked at each other.

[ ???, Summer of 1999 ]

“W-what do you mean with that you found the 8th child Taichi!?” “It’s a long story. Can’t talk now, just gather the group-- H-huh!?”

In a rush, an eleven year old Taichi crosses his path with… three strange people falling from the sky.

“I hate those landings” Ulforce growled.

“Who are you-- Wait, Daisuke?”

“U-uh, I’m not Daisuke-- Mr. Yagami?” Daichi blinked “You’re m-mistaking me with him.”

“Wait, do we know each other? And Mr. sounds like that I’m an old man… Please call me by Taichi.”

“O-okay… I’m Daichi and I uh… came from another world looking for… A person, but I think that’s might not be the right place.”

Taichi and Agumon looked at each other and then to the strange trio. Taichi shrugged, as if he were saying it can’t be helped. He then helped Daichi to get up, while the other two got up by themselves.

“Who’s that person anyway?” Taichi asked “I’m… Not available to give you a hand, because there’s a digimon invasion right now. And… I guess you know what digimon meant.”

“Yes, he does” Natsu nodded “But um… Isn’t you with your sister?”

“Sister?” he blinked, “I have no sister.”

“Wait what!?” the three exclaimed.

“I have a little brother and he’s quite of a problem sometimes...”

“Wait, a brother??” Natsu was lost “Is Hikari a boy here??”

“Who’s Hikari? My brother’s name is Daisuke.”

Shock. Natsu wouldn’t expect that kind of world. Oh no, it’s just another alternate timeline where things are pretty wild.

“I have no time to introduce him” Taichi said “I have to protect him, he’s the 8th child and his partner and Wizardmon had been captured” then he and Agumon left “See ya, good lucky on finding whoever they are!!”

“... My dad is a Yagami in this world!?” Daichi was petrified “Can we go back, Natsu?”

“I’m afraid we cannot” she showed him her pendant “We will have to stay out of the action, or do you want to erase this world by accident?”

“I’m not a Destroyer of Worlds, I’m just passing by… Accidentally passing by.”

 [Daichi’s world, 2027]

Ken was about to leave when he received a phone call from Hikari. She seemed nervous, but then relieved. Hard to describe her emotions, she decided to be straight and tell Ken what she had just witnessed.

“W-wait, WHAT!?” He was shook “Hoshi and Eiji… They were in a battle? And they got digivices and partners? Like Kiyoko?”

Wormmon took a snack from Ken’s backpack, started to unwrap the candy and eat it. Hikari on the phone kept explaining and reporting the current events.

“... I understand. I will try to bring Daisuke back as soon as possible. In the meanwhile I leave this in your and Miyako’s hands.”

“Kenchan.”

“Don’t worry I will be fine. See you soon,” he ended the call.

“Let’s go, Wormmon” He said with a determined glare.

 Kiyoko and Captain just learned from Eiji and Hoshi about the battle, the witnesses of them seeing Hikari having a digimon partner and being one of the legendary Twelve… It was a shock. But what even made her much more petrified was…

“... So this kid named ‘Brave Tamer’ was there fighting the white-furred WereGarurumon.”

“WereGururumon” The Wormmon and the BlackTailmon corrected Hoshi.

“Whatever…! He seemed… Younger than me.”

“Huh, a kid. Younger than you?” Kiyoko raised an eyebrow “Another child with a partner and a digivice…”

“Yes,” Eiji nodded, “I’m concerned about it. Remember of what Taisuke said?”

“What did the pipsqueak do now!?” Hoshi asked, somehow she was very annoyed by being the only one to NOT know there.

“Nothing else… He said he got a digimon” Kiyoko explained “But he didn’t show us, and we don’t know if he has a digivice.”

“To be partnered, you need a digivice” Eiji mused “If our mom and Mrs. Motomiya are Chosen Children… Does it mean…”

“According to our nanny Natsu, yes our dads and your uncle are part of the Twelve.”

“What? That’s weird...” Hoshi’s surprise was predictable, but she also was upset, “Why didn’t they tell us that before!?”

“... To protect us, by what Natsu told me.”

“Speaking of Natsu… Where is she? And where is Daichi?” Eiji asked, “Usually they’re around…”

“Oh they will come back soon, don’t worry!!”

 [ Another world, Summer of 1999 ]

“Let’s review those facts,” Daichi begun musing “One, we’re in an alternate future events from Summer 1999, technically August 3rd. Two, mr. Yagami and my dad are siblings instead of mrs. Hikari being mr. Yagami’s sister.”

“That’s right” Ulforce nodded.

“Does it mean… mrs. Hikari is my aunt Jun’s sibling? Or does not exist in this world?”

“I can’t tell…” Natsu answered, “We’re in the middle of those events. The events that made Daisuke be selected as Chosen Child three years later.”

“Right… Does it mean… Another person will be chosen three years ahead instead” Ulforce added “And might not be Daisuke if he’s the Chosen of Light.”

“... We need to help mr. Yagami” Daichi clenched his fist, “Not changing everything else, but protecting the innocents from Vamdemon’s troops.”

“That’s a reasonable idea” she smiled.

“Let’s go then!” Ulforce punched the palm of his hand, with a determined glare in his face.

 … The whole artificial island had been taken by the digimon, and a huge mist barrier kept everything inside it. Just as what happened in the other world, the seven Chosen Children planned to counterattack, and began gathering to fight the invasors. Daichi, Ulforce and Natsu felt it wouldn’t be a good idea be found by the other six or even by Daisuke from that world, so they took extra caution when fighting the evil digimon taking innocents as hostage.

While Daichi wanted so much to know about the rest of the legendary Twelve -- since he had met six of them already thanks to another alternative line -- he didn’t desire to mess with that world’s story.

“This way, please!”

Ulforce, as XV-mon, assaulted a bakemon squad taking a group of people to somewhere. But he felt like doing a bad thing. What if one of those would’ve been… the future Chosen Child from year of 2002?

“Mister dragon, there’s some other monsters in that direction” said a little girl.

“It’s okay, We will go to that area.”

“Huh?” Daichi looked at the direction the kid pointed out and saw some troops there, but one of those captives were super duper familiar to him. Big and messy haircut, in her teen years… “Aunt Jun” he whispered.

“BACK OFF!!”

Jun was fighting with a baseball bat, trying to beat those Bakemons.

“... Jun it’s useless” the little girl with Jun was indeed Hikari, she looked like the same except her hair was a bit red rose-ish, “We need to find a way to escape!”

“Hikari, calm down I will protect you even if it costs my life!”

“NO! Don’t say that!”

Natsu stood by Daichi’s side and took a look at whatever was he watching in the horizon. She gasped then grabbed both him and Ulforce out of the sight, her senses telling that they shouldn’t help those two, or the others in that scene.

“Why not!?” Daichi growled, protesting at Natsu’s action “Aunt Jun isn’t a Chosen Child, it makes no sense!”

“But Hikari is, this world… It seems to have switched Daisuke and Hikari’s roles but not personalities.”

“I think that’s clear, digi-girl. Remember what Taichi said? His lil bro is a troublemaker.”

“Ulforce, Natsu… I don’t think we should--”

“AAAAAAAAAH!!” “HIKARIII!!!”

“... Nevermind, we will follow them and help there!”

 [Daichi’s world, 2027]

Ken and Wormmon -- now as Stingmon -- ventured into the Digital World’s deep forest, following the coordinates given by the Special Digimon Cases Unit. They hadn’t found anything suspicious till now, which it was odd considering the reports.

They heard something coming in their direction, a shadow of the size of a Tyrannomon. The duo dodged the frontal attack, and Ken took one of those vines growing near him to use as whip. He grabbed the shadow by its paw.

“Hold on big guy, I’m not your enemy since a long time ago!”

“Kenchan,” Stingmon tried to pull the Tyrannomon away from Ken, “Be careful.”

“I am, don’t worry” he nodded, but seconds later Stingmon had to block an attack of another Tyrannomon “Wha--”

A squad of Tyrannomon surrounded them. It brought Ken awful memories of the time he had done the same with Daisuke, Miyako, Iori, Takeru and Hikari. He could feel the universe’s irony right now so he chuckled nervously.

“What should we do?” he talked with himself and Stingmon, “Think, Ken…!”

“How about you give up on fighting and surrender, DigiChosen?”

That voice…

“Whoever is here, better you show yourself!” Ken hated to be channeling into his best friend in a time like that, but sometimes he can’t simply be the cool headed guy when under pressure. He prepared his improvised whip to face the mysterious voice.

Stingmon also got ready for another enemy joining the fight.

“Seriously? You can’t win, human. Give up, I can let you go home if you cooperate.”

“You wouldn’t. And I know you guys are with someone important to me.”

“Oh? Well then… Let’s play a game. If you catch me, I will let you know where this ‘someone important’ is but if you don’t... ”

“I see,” Ken smirked “I have plenty of time to play games.”

“Kenchan--”

“Miyako and the others are going to handle the rest, I don’t care. I will bring him back home this time, no matter what happens.”

Stingmon nodded. Then, they saw a shadow jumping at high speed to the ground, running past the Tyrannomon blockade. Stingmon grabbed Ken with his hands and flew after the silhouette. 

  White noise.

“Hey there everyone, MoonAngel speaking! I know there’s a big crisis happening right now, with all those attacks and lies being spread around the globe. But fear not! Everything will be okay! Stay positive, but don’t let your guard down!”

Explosions are heard in the background.

“Well, there’s a digimon battle happening right now and… Wait, what’s this? Seems like a phone?”

A police officer appeared, “Get outta here, boy!”

“Fine fine. Well, as you can see -- or hear -- there had been another attack in this area, next to a gate to the Digital World. Old stories of a long long time ago said that once the worlds are in danger, the legendary Chosen Children will appear to save both humanity and digimonity.”

“Hey you!” The voice of the same officer is in the background, talking with the mysterious Brave Tamer “What are you doing here!? It’s dangerous!! Wait where did you get that digimon!?”

“Get outta here you!” Brave Tamer’s voice is heard, Takaishi Mitsuki zooms in on the kid, “I won’t let them close the gate…!”

“Mitsuki!!” Kiyoko’s voice is heard, the camera zooms out and shows her behind him, with Hoshi and Eiji next to them, “What are you doing!?”

“Ah… I was recording a video. Smile, you’re online! Actually, it’s just for Mirai’s gang not anyone else…”

“Mirai sent you here!?”

“I volunteered.”

“Anyway go back,” Hoshi said and approached from Mitsuki “It’s dangerous. You need to evacuate everyone, hurry!!”

“Seriously?” Mitsuki frowned, he took the phone down and returned to the chat mode of the chatroom, “Mirai is asking why I stopped the transmission. Wait, are those digimon with you?”

“We will talk about it later,” Hoshi gently shove him aside “Eiji, let’s go.”

“Hey, don’t forget I’m here too, ugh!” Kiyoko followed the Ichijouji siblings.

“Could it mean they’re the legendary Chosen Children?” Mitsuki mused.

He left the scene, heading back to Mirai’s house.

[luvneedsnosyt]

My Favorite Albums of 2019

Here is my list of my personal top albums of 2019 You can find my separate list for top EPs of 2019 here.

My Previous monthly lists from 2019: January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December

My list last year for my top albums of 2018 can be found here.

*Indicates someone I saw live in 2019

Honorable Mentions:

Anderson .Paak - Ventura Genre: Hip Hop / R&B/ Soul

Recorded at the same time as last year’s Oxnard, Ventura is the more tender and unassuming brother of the two. Despite the vulnerability this seems to be Anderson’s more comfortable persona. Focusing on love and feelings and other mushy stuff. The experimenting on this album between R&B, jazz, electronic music creates a glossy and elaborate form of hip hop. At times Anderson’s versatility can get a bit in the way on long form projects, here that creativity is perhaps the most channeled of his career.

Proof: Reachin’ 2 Much (Feat. Lelah Hathaway) / Chosen One (Feat. Sonyae)

Anna of the North - Dream Girl Genre: Synth-Pop

The tender and delicate music of Oslo singer Anna of the North is back following up her touching 2017 debut album. Anna’s music is not totally unassuming but is very subtle and reserved. You can take a moment to stop and feel the soothing vibes or you can pass it by and not notice. The synth based production is meant to provide a basis to get hips moving but also not to reach out and demand your attention in a needy way. Anna’s vocals are always warm and bouncy even when singing about sad subject matters.

Proof: My Love / Playing Games

Billie Eilish - WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO? Genre: Synth-Pop

I stumbled on Billie Eilish’s “ocean eyes” single early on and instantly became a fan of her dark and brooding sound. It reminded me of the first time I heard The Weeknd. Even being an early subscriber it did surprise me a bit the vice grip the 18 year old would put on 2019. I knew she would find an audience with the undeniable talent for songwriting and impacting voice beyond her years. I did not foresee this low lit and frankly weird music hitting the mainstream with such a force, but I sure am glad it did. This is where I would say I can’t wait to see how she follows up this monster of debut album, but honestly she deserves to revel in the influence it is having and enjoy this moment. She will be around for however long she wishes to in the industry; that I am certain of.

Proof: bad guy / you should see me in a crown

BJ The Chicago Kid - 1123 Genre: R&B / Soul

It was a long time coming for hook provider BJ The Chicago Kid’s 2016 debut album In My Mind. He showed he can carry a solo project just fine. Now in 2019 he’s back for his victory lap with another soulful and sexy album that follows up his debut quite nicely. BJ is a bit of a throw back to the late 90’s/early 2000’s soul music which is right up my alley so you already know I ride for it with no qualms.

Proof: Rather Be With You / Reach (Feat. Afrojack)

Bon Iver - i,i Genre: Indie Pop / Folk

Justin Vernon’s band Bon Iver has created quite a robust cult following that’s very impressive off of four albums spanning over 12 years and in non-uniform song structures and themes. i,i might be the band’s most straightforward record, but that doesn’t mean there’s any downgrade in creativity and innovation. As always the case with Bon Iver albums your senses are confronted with multiple instruments and production tools used in traditional ways and used in ways you wouldn’t think of. Grooves are created then shifted and the only real constant is you don’t know what direction the music will go next. But that’s part of the joy and you know Justin Vernon is a trustworthy navigator on this expansive journey.

Proof: Hey, Ma / U (Man Like)

Bring Me the Horizon - amo Genre: Rock / Alternative

On their sixth album, the English rock group took experimentation and expansion seriously broadening their rock sound to new horizons (ok, that was bad). amo isn’t as much a departure for the alt-Metal group but more increasing their pallet to include more cross genre influences dipping into punk, pop, electronic and hip hop. There’s definitely risk with lofty exploration so suddenly in a band’s discography but BMTH pull it off rather elegantly here creating a unique blend that sounds a bit like a harder hitting Muse record. I am one to applaud audacious creative efforts to expand on ones sound if the motives seem pure; even when those attempts don’t quite work (Mumford & Sons - Babel, Jack White - Boarding House Reach, Coldplay - Everyday Life this year for instance). When they do stick the landing you can bet I am in awe.

Proof: in the dark / medicine

Circa Waves - What’s It Like Over There? Genre: Alternative / Rock

I will admit the English band hasn’t really been on my radar before this album, so I can’t ascribe how this album is different than their previous two albums (from what I've read it is very different though). What I do know if this is some of the best rock music to come out of 2019 in a year that wasn’t too kind to the genre. There are many emotional moments of this record that really bring levity to the glossy and cinematic music backdrops. There are two albums already announced in early 2020 from the group; they are definitely on my radar now.

Proof: Sorry, I’m Yours / Be Somebody Good

Chance The Rapper - Big Day Genre: Hip Hop / R&B

With how long he’s been around and how many Mixtapes and side projects Chance has dropped it’s pretty surprising this is his first ever official LP. When you wait that long and build (to his credit) the anticipation he has, a lot of weight gets put on that first album; unfortunately I feel that weight affected the product and swallowed it up a bit once released. Chance, I think, felt a responsibility to speak to his vast diversity we’ve seen over the years in sounds and flows. That resulted in a bit of a bloated and disjointed project. Something Chance projects always seem to have is a continuity despite their variety that seems to be absent here. Once the short coming are acknowledged there is some really great songs here with few missteps (although there are a few). Some more quality control, restraint and a concept to follow there are the makings of a possible top 10 of the year album here. My favorite moments are the nostalgic and 90’s R&B influences moments that sprinkle the album, a whole project with those as more a driving force could really be something special.

Proof: All Day Long (Feat. John Legend) / Zanies and Fools (Feat. Darius Scott & Nicki Minaj)

Dabin* - Wild Youth // Wild Youth (The Remixes) Genre: Electronic / Future Bass / Dance

Toronto multi-instrumentalist and electronic DJ Dabin returns with a sophomore album of more emotional and evocative electronic soundscapes. The melodic album flows smoothly through inspirational tracks of finding oneself coming to a climactic crescendo with the cinematic closer “Alive”. 

Proof: In Flames (Feat. Lexi Norton) / Alive (Feat. RUNN) // Part-Time Lover (Crystal Skies Remix) Feat. Claire Ridgely / Alive (Trvecta Remix) Feat. RUNN

Dermot Kennedy* - Without Fear Genre: Pop / Soul

Irish singer Dermot Kennedy’s voice comes in like a freight train straight for your ear drum. He sings with such evocative passion and force it is quite a sound to behold. That’s not to say Without Fear is all potent bellowing. Dermot on his soulful debut here has plenty of softer, tender moments as well.

Proof: Moment’s Passed / Redemption

Foals - Part 2: Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost Genre: Rock / Alternative

The second part of the English Rock bands 2-part album project this year is the louder and more aggressive sibling. The music is a bit less glossy and more gritty then it predecessor but still is quite refined in its ferociousness. I do prefer the more melodic first offering of the two but that doesn’t need to take away from how exhilarating this album is as well. 

Proof: The Runner / Neptune

GoldLink - Diaspora Genre: Hip Hop / R&B

With his second album, DMV rapper GoldLink dove deeper into his African roots with increased Afro-inspired production and themes. Diaspora is a fusion dish of of East coast Hip Hop base, with 90’s R&B notes, a sprinkle of Jazz, a dash of DC house and intermixing of traditional African qualities. It’s quite a vibrant and varied plateful!

Proof: Zulu Screams (Feat. Feat. Maleek Berry & Babi Bourelly) / More (Feat. Lola Rae)

Goldroom - Plunge /\ Surface Genre: Electronic / House / Dance

Returning from a brief hiatus after his debut album, 2016’s West of the West, Goldroom sneaked in at the end of November with one of the years most fun house records. The wait was definitely worth it for Goldroom fans. Plunge /\ Surface has a sense of wonder, discovery and joy that I think was quite well timed.

Proof: Do You Feel It Now (Feat. Love & Alexa) / Just Like A Dream (Feat. Nikki Segal)

Georgia Maq - Pleaser Genre: Synth-Pop / Alternative

My late addition to my already completed list is this surprising and electrifying debut solo project from the lead singer of Melbourne punk/Alternative group Camp Cope. Just slipping in with an early release right before my cut off date (for my own sanity). This album is nothing like the sound of her band though. Instead Georgia Maq looked to artists like Robyn, LCD Soundsystem and Cut Copy for her solo venture with some delightfully delicious 80′s synth vibes. Pleaser is dark and atmospheric but not devoid of brittle emotion and angst. 

Proof: Pleaser / Big Embarrassing Heart

Hozier* - Wasteland, Baby! Genre: Indie Pop / Soul / Folk

Years later, when looking back on Hozier’s career, we may look back at this album as a sort of turning point. The Irish singer through early EP’s and his debut album has always had a powerful form of soulful Folk music that moves people to many emotional states. But on this sophomore album Hozier seemed to figure something out. Incorporating a Motown feel into his music has unleashed it and his strong voice to a new level. Wasteland, Baby! Is a sentimental excursion through love, empowerment and hope.

Proof: Movement / Would That I

James Blake - Assume Form Genre: Progressive Pop / Electronic / Indie Pop

English producer and singer James Blake returns with his artful progressive form of pop music that only he can produce. Assume Form continues in his tradition of bending song structure and genres to his will to create powerful evocative landscapes to explore. The experimental artist keeps finding ways to push the boundaries while still making beautiful lush music to get lost in.

Proof: Barefoot in the Park (Feat. ROSALÍA) / Where’s The Catch? (Feat. Andre 3000)

Kevin Abstract - ARIZONA BABY Genre: Hip Hop

BROCKHAMPTON founding member drops off his third solo album which is a tender and impacting affair through the life of a figure in hip hop with a lot of hate sent to him, but a lot of love to send out. The openly gay rapper using this as a form of empowerment to let others who may be struggling know they have the power within themselves to make their life something of fulfillment.

Proof: Joyride / Mississippi

Kim Petras - TURN OFF THE LIGHT [Mixtape] Genre: Synth-Pop / House / Dance

Only a few months after dropping her debut album the new, exciting singer wants to keep us all guessing and elaborated on her Halloween EP from last year with this full mixtape. Her debut album is more Synth-Pop with some targeted EDM moments. This is a burst of haunting house music meant to get your heart rate pulsating and feet moving.

Proof: There Will Be Blood / Close Your Eyes

Mabel - High Expectations Genre: R&B / neo-Soul

British female R&B artists are having quite a moment right now. With the success of Jorja Smith, Ella Mai and RAYE last year to Sinead Harnett, Mahalia (it was seriously hard to take her off my list) and Mabel this year. Mabel has already had some hits from her 2017 mixtape Ivy to Roses, so this debute is quite a confident strut with tales of love, love lost and overcoming. The glossy production establishes a bouncy, beach vibe, probably influenced from her origins on the Mediterranean coast of Spain. Her stellar song writing is really what takes the attention throughout as every track has an ability to establish a connection with the listener quite effortlessly. 

Proof: Don’t Call Me Up / Mad Love

Maverick Sabre - When I Wake Up Genre: Pop / Soul

English/Irish singer Maverick Sabre returns with his third album that’s a unique and soulful jaunt. The 29 year old’s deep voice has a commanding and captivating effect on the listener throughout. The somewhat minimalist backing lets the potent voice and piercing song lyrics be the emotional driving force to great effect.

Proof: Slow Down (Feat. Jorja Smith) / Weakness

Rapsody - Eve Genre: Hip Hop

For her third album, Grammy nominated rapper Rapsody drops off quite a Tour de force of inspiration and empowerment. Every track is named after a black female icon that has influenced Rapsody. The North Carolina rapper’s lyrics flow and dense lyrics are top notch as always. The production has an increased levity to match the themes. Rapsody has gotten where she is from sheer will and strength within, now she's looking outward to inspirations to find her next step up the ladder.

Proof: Nina / Iman (Feat. SiR & JID)

The List:

Last One Out: Kim Petras - Clarity Genre: Synth-Pop / Electronic

The debut album from German singer Kim Petras was a long time coming and the build up was quite a slow burn. Since 2017 the 27 year old singer started one by one dropping pretty exciting one-off singles (none of which show up here). To our surprise her first official project was a surprised-dropped Halloween themed EP in 2018 (that, as seen in my Honorable Mentions above, was released this year as a full mixtape). Finally in early 2019 we get Kim’s first full length album and the wait was well worth it. Clarity is an electric and glossy affair of lust, self love and female empowerment. Kim is on quite a tear right now from this to her features on other artists projects that I don’t see slowing down anytime soon.

Proof: Icy / Got My Number / Do Me / Another One

35. 88rising - Head in the Clouds II Genre: R&B / Hip Hop

LA based collective 88rising began as mostly Asian-American rap artists. As they went in a more serious direction with their music and label they began acquiring production and R&B talent that has elevated the output to something to really admire. In the early stages I was a bit dismissive of the artists but the last three years I have increasingly been won over. With the success of Joji’s 2018 solo album the collective chose to lean heavier into the electro-R&B sound on their second compilation album that is paying great dividends here. Head in the Clouds II is filled with spacey tender songs that inspire and captivate. The lessons and progressions everyone in the collective are making adds to my excitement with each release. 

Proof: Joji & GENERATIONS from EXILE TRIBE - Need Your Love / Jackson Wang & Higher Brother’s - Tequila Sunrise (Feat. AUGUST 08 & GoldLink) / RHYME SO - Just Used Music Again / NIKI - La La Lost You

34. Karen O* & Danger Mouse - Lux Prima Genre: Alternative / Indie Rock

Two of today’s icons collide on this collaboration album that probably should have happened years ago. Yeah Yeah Yeahs front singer Karen O has influenced so many of today’s alternative artists (especially women led ones), and it’s always a solid veteran karaoke bar move to put in “MAPS”. Meanwhile Danger Mouse has been a go-to producer in both hip hop and alternative and formed a few emblematic pairings on albums with MF Doom (as Danger Mask), CeeLo (as Gnarles Barkley) and James Mercer of The Shins (as Broken Bells). Together Karen and DM are a perfect pair. Karen is as potent as ever singing over a lush and intricate backdrops by the paws of Danger Mouse. 

Proof: Lux Prima / Turn the Light / Woman / Redeemer

33. Little Simz - GREY Area Genre: Hip Hop

London rapper comes in swinging with her powerful third full length album. Her flow is so measured and confident and firing on all cylinders here with no wasted syllables or breaths on any verse along the project. The song subject matters dive into some pretty personal and touching territory letting the listener into some intimate thoughts. At 25, we are witnessing an artist really come into their own and it is an inspirational and beautiful thing.

Proof: Offense / Boss / Venom / Pressure (Feat. Little Dragon)

32. Shura* - forevher Genre: Synth-Pop

For her second album, Shura used the same 80’s nostalgic electronic pallet of her debut but this time a bit more slowed tempo with a layer of added sensuality. While her marvelous 2016 debut, Nothing’s Real, focused on the angst of growing into young adulthood, finding ones self and feeling comfortable in your own skin (as she initially struggled coming out publicly as a lesbian artist). On forevher, Shura focuses more intimately on her own relationship. Many of the songs being inspired by precise moments in the relationship with her current girlfriend, there is a noticeable narrowing of the scope. The result is an incredibly tender offering that allows us a glimpse into the UK Singer’s warm heart. 

Proof: religion (u can lay your hands on me) / the stage / flyin’ / forever

31. A R I Z O N A - ASYLUM Genre: Synth-Pop

The New Jersey electro-pop band A R I Z O N A follows up their 2017 debut album nicely here. Maintaining their knack for writing catchy as hell hooks along enticing dance inducing electronic production. With features on both Don Diablo’s 2018 album Future and Avicii’s posthumous release, TIM, this year, the band’s notoriety seems to be on a steady incline. 

Proof: Nostalgic / Find Someone / Freaking Out / Still Alive

30. VÉRITÉ - new skin Genre: Pop

Brooklyn based singer VÉRITÉ returns with her sophomore album aimed right for all of your feels at once. VÉRITÉ’s sound is understated and delicate, yet packed with raw and identifiable emotions. There is a progression as well from Somewhere in Between with a noticeable bit more comfort in moments where she can let loose. new skin, doesn’t reach out and scream for your attention, but it is a rewarding and sentimental ride for those that give it.

Proof: good for it / body in my bed / think of me / gone

29. Vampire Weekend - Father of the Bride Genre: Indie Rock / Alternative

Ezra Koenig and Vampire Weekend took their sweet time for their fifth album. Six years to be exact from 2013’s Modern Vampires of the City. Also in that time founding member Rostam left the group as a full time member (though still contributing to this album on a few songs). The time lapse and shifting of collaborators led to their most sprawling and experimental album to date. There are some swings that don’t quite connect but for the most part this is an exhilarating and unpredictable exploration by the band that is definitely worth the journey. 

Proof: Harmony Hall / This Life / How Long? / Sympathy

28. LÉON - LÉON Genre: Pop / Soul

When I saw this was Swedish singer LÉON’s debut I had to google to make sure. It’s been awhile since LÉON first popped on my radar with her beautiful and sultry tunes, but those have been from three EPs. The wait was well worth it for this angelic record of pleasant pop bops, one after another. These tracks make themselves right at home in your subconscious; taking their shoes off and checking what’s in your fridge. LÉON’s voice itself has a gentle nature to it coupled with a raspy, sensuality that is enduring and soothing. 

Proof: Lost Time / Falling / Hope Is A Heartache / You and I

27. MUNA - Save The World Genre: Synth-Pop

No sophomore slump for the American trio, MUNA here. Save The World is quite a refreshing progression from their tender 2017 debut. There’s a little more of a free feeling on this album that comes with increased confidence in their craft. The tracks are all incredibly catchy and easily stick with you well after first listen. “Stayway” is the shining jewel on the album and one of my most favorite tracks of 2019. 

Proof: Number One Fan / Stayaway / Never / Hands Off

26. Foals - Part 1: Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost / Part 1: Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost (Remixes) Genre: Rock / Alternative

The 1st part of English rock band’s 2-album project comes in like a Indy Car full speed for subconcious. The unique melding if Synth based beats and guitar driven grooves creates an enticing energetic sound you can get lost in. Part 2 was a big more reaching and aggressive, where Part 1 had more of a basis track to track that I felt made it the stronger outputting of the two. 

Proof: Exits / White Onions / In Degrees / On The Luna // In Degrees (Purple Disco Machine Remix) / Syrups (Vincent Taurelle Remix) / Exits (Lawrence Hart and Little Clubs Remix) / Exits (George FitzGerald Remix)

25. Denzel Curry - ZUU Genre: Hip Hop

Denzel Curry has always had promise to me with his frantic delivery. There were meaningful lyrics there and more focused passion than most of his peers his age in hip hop. The trick was channeling that boiling emotion for the rapper, that he struggled with early. Last year’s TA13OO was the first hint the 24 year old was starting to get this balance in his music. Only ten months later we see a fully formed Denzel with the directed missile that is ZUU. There aren’t many wasted moments here as Denzel focuses on what he needs to say and the most effective way to say it. All the while also making track after track meant to be played at the loudest decibel possible; that all smack the concrete with aggression and no remorse. 

Proof: ZUU / RICKY / BIRDZ (Feat. Rick Ross) / CAROLMART (Feat. Ice Billion Berg)

24. Tei Shi - La Linda Genre: R&B / Soul

For those of us following Tei Shi’s career since her early EP days there is a definite increase in her confidence as an artist on this sophomore album. The Argentina-born Colombian artist’s beautiful melodies flow at their own pace with a delicate precision and grace. Tei Shi’s low lit sounds lives in a mellow and assured range making the pockets where she lifts her voice that much more impacting. There’s both a layer of innocence and care as well as a level of empowerment and self-assured sex appeal in her vocals that are impossible to not get enthralled with.

Proof: Alone in the Universe / Even If It Hurts (Feat. Blood Orange) / When He’s Done / A Kiss Goodbye

23. Sigrid - Sucker Punch Genre: Pop

23 year old Norwegian singer Sigrid burst on the scene with her successful debut EP in 2017, and it’s been an effective upward trajectory since. Another EP came out in 2018 before this marvelous debut album. Sucker Punch packs quite a punch of delightfully infectious and identifiable jams. There is an ease to the charismatic mood of this album that shows how genuine Sigrid is with every song written. This young singer has some definite longevity ahead of her in the pop world.

Proof: Basic / Strangers / Don’t Feel Like Crying / Don’t Kill My Vibe

22. Charli XCX - Charli Genre: Synth-Pop / Electronic

After her sophomore album, 2014’s Sucker, English singer Charli XCX stated she felt a bit restricted in her solo career and decided to break out of the standard production method. A whole album was made but leaked online and Charli decided to scrap the project and began tinkering with her music more. During this period first came the 2016 collaboration EP with the producer SOPHIE, Vroom Vroom. Then in 2017 came two mixtapes. It was these two mixtapes Charli started realizing how she can warp and bend music to her will. Her production became more of a unique melding of dancey Synth-Pop with abrasive Electronic sounds. Her hooks were still top notch but the song structure began to become more of a free flowing organism then a structured framework. Taking what she learned from SOPHIE, and the two mixtapes into her third album, Charli is a project of abundance and unfiltered passion. The feelings are real and human but are focused into a diamond and refracted out into numerous directions. The description sounds chaotic but there still is a very controlled nature to the chaos of this vibrant pop. Charli has found a way to manipulate pop music to contort like a complicated yoga stance. She's Neo from The Matrix. I suggest just plugging in and letting the complex machine she built take you away.

Proof: Gone (w/ Christine and the Queens) / Blame It On Your Love (Feat. Lizzo) / Silver Cross / February 2017 (Feat. Clairo & Yaeji)

21. Bishop Briggs - CHAMPION Genre: R&B / Pop / Soul

Less than 18 months after her roaring debut album, British singer Bishop Briggs is back with her sophomore effort. CHAMPION is a bit more subdued than last year’s Church of Scars, but still the centerpiece is the powerful vocals. My only critique is that I feel the short timeline of this project when I listen. I don’t know the reason for such a short turn around, but some of the songs don’t feel as fleshed out as its predecessor that was years in the making. Despite that critique, this is still a beautiful and authoritative collection of power ballads meant to inspire and embolden.

Proof: CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? / CHAMPION (Feat. Tom Morello)  / LONELY / WILD

20. Lizzo - Cuz I Love You Genre: R&B / Hip Hop

Detroit singer/rapper Lizzo has been around a few years now, but her third album was definitely her break out to insurmountable success and admiration. Songs like “Coconut Oil”, “Good As Hell” and “Water Me” (added on the deluxe version of this album) would get some attention, especially after featured on television shows. But in 2019 the stars aligned for Lizzo’s take over. Despite the increase in notoriety (to now include the backlash from people tired of her) let’s not overshadow that this music and its message is worthy of the attention. Lizzo’s dramatic and vibrant mixture of R&B, Hip Hop, Soul, Jazz, Funk and Gospel wrapped in a fast paced train with the breaks cut is quite the exhilarating experience. This coupled with her unapologetic message of self love and respect created quite the energetic Molotov cocktail for her to throw in our ears and get our bodies up and moving. Those that may be tired of her, well either learn to ignore or deal with it, because Lizzo is not going anywhere anytime soon.

Proof: Cuz I Love You / Jerome / Tempo (Feat. Missy Elliott) / Water Me

19. Tory Lanez - Chixtape 5 [Mixtape] Genre: R&B / Hip Hop

Having now established himself in the industry with three albums. Tory decided to take a trip back to his beginnings with this album/mixtape drop. Early in his career, Tory had four Chixtape mixtapes that were all influenced by the late 90’s/early 2000’s R&B Tory was raised on. For the fifth entry, and first since he has become established, Tory took this to a whole new level not only directly sampling classics from that timeline but also featuring the artists themselves. The result is a blast of nostalgia and sexy-ass grooves that I dare your hips to stay still the whole hour. I haven’t heard a lot of Tory’s early catalog but since his debut album this is solidly my favorite project by the Canadian Singer. The nostalgia is a bit of a crutch but that doesn’t make this project any less successful or enjoyable. I am squarely in the wheelhouse of who this is made for so there is a bias here but this was probably my most fun first listening experience of the year. 

Proof: The Trade (Feat. Jagged Edge & Jermaine Dupri) / Beauty in the Benz (Feat. Snoop Dogg) / Still Waiting (Feat. Trey Songz) / If You Gotta… (Feat. Fabolous)

18. Mark Ronson - Late Night Feelings Genre: R&B / Pop

2015’s Uptown Special with the mega-hit “Uptown Funk” was a whirlwind for Mark Ronson’s career as a solo artist. Already a prolific producer behind the boards of some of the most important albums over the last 15 years, Ronson’s solo career has been a bit under the radar until 2015. Which is why the about-face from glitz and abundance to a tender collection of songs about heartbreak is a bit of a surprise. But not a surprise I am mad about. The infectious, dancey funk we know from Ronson is still very much present on Late Night Feelings, but wrapped in a blanket of anguish only broken love can bring. Despite it’s more subtle and depressing themes, Ronson has stated this is the solo album he has spent the most time creating and that level of care is very apparent. 

Proof: Late Night Feelings (Feat Lykke Li) / Find U Again (Feat. Camila Cabello) / Pieces Of Us (Feat. King Princess) / Why Hide (Feat. Diana Gordon)

17. Lana Del Rey - Norman Fucking Rockwell! Genre: Pop / Soul

My long time admiration for Lana’s artistry and craft are well documented on here. Happening on her homemade “Video Games” video on YouTube was one of the catalysts to creating this blog. A memory I will always cherish is seeing her in 2011 at the Troubadour in Hollywood when she only had about 6 songs on YouTube to sing. Now, six albums later her music still is some of the most moving and affecting out there for me. Norman Fucking Rockwell! Is probably Lana’s most consistent and assured record since Ultraviolence. Lyrics wise this may be her most crisp ever. 

Proof: Venice Bitch / Fuck it I love you / The greatest / Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have - but I have it

16. Seven Lions* - Ophelia Volume 1 Genre: Electronic / Trance / Dance

Prolific electronic producer Seven Lions has long been one of my favorite artists. 2018 and 2019 have been excitingly very busy years for the Californian DJ/Producer. Starting his own label Ophelia Records in 2018, 7L has used it as an opportunity to seek out great up and coming electronic artists like Crystal Skies, Jason Ross, MitiS, Trivecta, Wooli and others as well as collaborate with other greats in the game such as Above and Beyond, Dabin, SLANDER, NGHTMRE and Gryffin. Ophelia Volume 1 is a collection of many of the singles released by 7L over the last two years and is quite the gripping burst of excitement and emotions. This compilation album shows off what is 7L’s best musical attributes. His diversity in sound, effortlessly switching between many subgenres, including Trance, Future Bass, Dubstep, Drum and Bass, from song to song, sometimes making a switch within a single song. The other aspect is 7L’s deliberate and effective use of dead space to create a moment of floating before a bellowing drops knocks your ass back down to earth. His pockets of tranquility make these tracks more living and breathing forms of passion and sentiment than normally associated with the mechanical genre.

Proof: Start Again (Feat. Fiora) / Ocean (w/ Jason Foss Feat. Jonathan Mendelsohn) / First Time (w/ SLANDER & Dabin Feat. Dylan Matthew) / Dreamin’ (Feat. Fiora) // Bonus: See The End (w/ Above & Beyond Feat. Opposite The Other)

15. Gallant - Sweet Insomnia Genre: alt-R&B / Soul

The soulful and sultry vocals of Gallant return with another steamy alt-R&B soiree. The overall vibe is a bit more mellow than his thunderous 2016 debut Ology. The main driving force is still the forceful emotion driven vocals from the American singer. R&B has been a genre pulled into various directions over the last 8 or so years, sometimes for good, sometimes at it’s detriment. Gallant and his potent falsetto is a nostalgic artist in 2019 pointing to the late 90’s, early 2000’s neo-soul movement. Fans of artists like Musiq Soulchild, Maxwell, Raheem Devaughn and of course D’Angelo will get some warm feelings from Gallant’s seductive grooves. 

Proof: Crimes / Hurt / Compromise (Feat. Sabrina Claudio) / Céline

14. G Flip - About Us Genre: Pop

Melbourne multi-instrumentalist and singer Georgia Flipo, or G-Flip, introduces herself with this tender and moving debut. About Us is sort of an autobiographical story about Georgia and her girlfriend over a five year span that includes a break up and eventually make up. Georgia’s vocals are both commanding and approachable. The song writing is effortlessly relatable and potent in the life of love. Georgia would write most of the instrument riffs and have others play it during recording but the most unsung hero is her command of the instrument she first learn and played herself; the drums. The emotional impact and intensity of these songs all get magnified in the later stages when Georgia grabs the sticks and begins going to town. About Us is both a subtle piece of pop yet also a cinematic and emotionally captivating one. 

Proof: Lover / I Am Not Afraid / Morning / About You

13. Becky Hill - Get To Know Genre: Synth-Pop / Electronic / Dance

After being a semi-finalist on The Voice UK, the potent and soulful vocals of UK singer Becky Hill has become a go-to feature in the European house world. Becky’s commanding voice is a perfect compliment to house production to not be overpowered and bring a level of vivacity and vitality to the composition. Get To Know is a compilation of those features and one-off singles from the last three years to get more people familiar with Becky as she takes more creative control of her solo career. I’m expecting much more to come from the singer in 2020; so keep an eye and both ears out.

Proof: I Could Get Used To This (w/ Weiss) / Piece of Me (w/ MK) / Sunrise in the East / False Alarm (w/ Matoma)

12. BANKS - III Genre: alt-R&B / Pop

On her third album, singer BANKS is showing off an impressive increase in prowess and courage in her music. Although, I still really enjoyed BANKS sophomore album The Altar, there were some growing pains visible in it. III on the other hand comes out much more competent, coherent and confident. The noticeable addition of Hudson Mohawke’s production and influence is one of the most noticeable additions. His powerful distorted synthed-out drums gives quite a thunderous backdrop for BANKS sultry vocals to sway back and forth through. The song writing has notably continued to get even better for someone that already had quite the skill at. I’ve followed BANKS since she only had a couple songs out on SoundCloud and the journey has been quite a rewarding one for us fans. 

Proof: Gimme / Look What You’re Doing To Me (Feat. Francis & The Lights) / Propaganda / The Fall

11. Gryffin* - Gravity Genre: Electronic / Dance

Success has come rapidly for Gryffin, releasing his first original song only four years ago. Despite that short time, there is a level of sophistication to Gryffin’s blending of house and pop music that feels like the work of a veteran. It helps he has really filled up his phone contacts with some of today’s top Electronic producers and rising pop singers to collaborate with. Gryffin’s debut is quite a reflective and illuminating galaxy of deep emotions and expression. Every song on Gravity has identifiable passion and sentiments while enclosed in a glitzy exterior; feelings with strobe lights. It’s been over two years since the first song from this album “Nobody Compares to You” was released showing Gryffin has the ability to make us really feel emotions while also bust out dancing. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go have a good cry in the club.

Proof: All You Need To Know (w/ SLANDER Feat. Calle Lehmann) / Baggage (w/ Gorgon City & AlunaGeorge) / Hurt People (w/ Aloe Blacc) / Nothing Compares To You (Feat. Katie Pearlman)

10. Maggie Rogers - Heard It In A Past Life Genre: Pop

A chance encounter with Pharrell that went viral was what started Maggie’s career, but she took her time with this debut to make sure that one video wasn’t all that defines it. Heard It In A Past Life is a subtle flex of the new singer’s musical dexterity. On the surface the tracks all flow at a mellow cohesive pace. Maggie’s soft and sensual vocals are the first thing you appreciate when listening. When you give a little deeper of a dive you realize the strong themes Maggie is conveying as well as a sophisticated diversity in her sound that’s more than originally meets the ear.

Proof: Give A Little / The Knife / Alaska / Say It / On + Off // Bonus: Love You For A Long Time

9. Nick Murphy - Run Fast Sleep Naked Genre: Indie Pop / Electronic

On his second release (first full length album) since changing his name from Chet Faker to his real name Nick Murphy, the Australian artist has some new tricks up his sleeve. Run Fast Sleep Naked is a more expansive sound then his Chet Faker beginnings and we are all quite rewarded by it. The subtle Synth-Indie pop melding is still present. But there always was a form of restraint in his early work that Nick has seemed to let go more of here allowing his emotion to burst out at key moments a bit unfiltered and untethered. 

Proof: Harry Takes Drugs On The Weekend / Sanity / Yeah I Care / Never No / Dangerous

8. Madeon - Good Faith Genre: Electronic / Synth-Pop / Dance

2019 has been an interesting year of growth for EDM. With artists like Big Wild, ILLENIUM, Goldroom, GRiZ, Flux Pavilion and others showing some added depth, discovery and diversity in their sounds. That is continued here with Madeon’s four years in the making follow up to his 2015 debut album Adventure. His first album was quite a glorious introduction but very steeped in the bold and at times lumbering mechanical nature of Electronic music, but with this follow up there is a dramatic divergence. Good Faith is quite a romp through R&B, Gospel and Funk influenced synth wonderlands meant to inspire souls and entice movement. The French producer created a lush world to wonder around, despite being Electronic music, that is devoid of any plasticity for organic and visual expression. The closing two minutes are completely devoid of vocals, yet still packs a powerful emotional punch, leaving you wanting to instantly hit replay.

Proof: Dreams Dreams Dreams / All My Friends / Nirvana / No Fear No More / Borealis

7. Tyler, The Creator - IGOR Genre: alt-R&B / Hip Hop

After a frustrating start to his career I saw some of the promise in Tyler, The Creator come to life on his 2015 third album Cherry Bomb. By 2017 Tyler had found his sweet spot with the marvelous Flower Boy. Being someone always eager to learn and grow on his craft, Tyler didn’t remain in that sweet spot, instead abruptly left it in his rearview mirror for his follow up in the daring IGOR. Long gone are the low-fi, abrasive hip hop vernacular of Bastard, Goblin and Wolf here. Instead, Tyler created a unique and colliding world of R&B, Hip Hop, Funk and Synth-Pop. Further showing his evolution Tyler tells a heartfelt story across the album of a man, Tyler, dating another man, who’s also dating his ex-girlfriend. When Tyler tells his feelings for his lover,  which results in him starting to drift back to his ex-girlfriend, leading to heartbreak for Tyler. The character Igor represents the negative tendencies of Tyler, as his heart is broken and begins to take over throughout the album’s duration. Coming out the other side the album ends with sadness, but still with a level of hope that I’m sure anybody can relate to who’s had their heart broken.

Proof: IGOR’S THEME (Feat. Lil Uzi Vert) / EARFQUAKE (Feat. Playboy Carti & Charli Wilson) / I THINK (Feat. Solange & Ryan Betty) / A BOY IS A GUN* / WHAT’S GOOD (Feat. Slowthai)

6. SebastiAn - Thirst Genre: Electronic / Synth-Pop

8 years after his debut album, the French producer is ready to step out from the background again with this thrilling collection of bold electronic pop. Known best to the general for working with Frank Ocean on his Endless album (and being the voice on “Facebook Story” on Blonde), SebastiAn has also worked extensively with Daft Punk, Kavinsky, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Beastie Boys, Block Party and others over the years. Thirst is a wild ride in a dark dystopian pop landscape that has a tough exterior but a tender interior. The features from pop and R&B are expertly placed among the distorted and thunderous production. The industrial feel may seem a bit artificial at first, but there is an organic heartbeat under the mechanical exoskeleton worth exploring.

Proof: Doorman (Feat. Syd) / Better Now (Feat. Mayer Hawthorne) / Pleasant (Feat. Charlotte Gainsbourg) / Sober (Feat. Bakar) / Run for Me (Feat. Gallant)

5. Khalid - Free Spirit Genre: Pop / R&B / Soul

I gushed on both my last two year lists about Khalid with his debut album and last year’s EP; all that is still very much relevant in 2019. Khalid is one of today’s top young talents. His evocative voice can fit into so many different environments. Straight Pop, R&B, Hip Hop, Country, EDM, Rock, Khalid’s voice is quite the emotive chameleon. His own albums are a bit more straightforward pop and R&B that with every release keeps getting more polished and evolved with his songwriting. Already at 21 the singer has become a go-to for album features and movie soundtracks; I don’t expect this to change for quite some time.

Proof: Better / Talk / Right Back / Outta My Head (w/ John Mayer) / Twenty One

4. Big Wild - Superdream Genre: Synth-Pop / Electronic / Dance

To many fans of the EDM scene Big Wild has been well known before his debut album dropped. The producer was one the first signees to ODESZA’s label after dropping multiple great remixes. His debut EP last year only increased his notoriety. What we didn’t know if he had a different plan for his sound that would be introduced to the world on this sneaky debut full length. Superdream still has plenty of his EDM beginnings throughout but interwoven in a much more complex package then we anticipated. Notes of 70’s/80’s pop to 90’s R&B make a surprisingly profound presence dancing through the intersecting synths and drums. Big Wild sings more than he ever has in a soft hushed tone that glides his bold production so smoothly. The Electronic genre is in the middle of quite a renaissance currently and yet more creative artists like Big Wild keep showing up and taking the sound to new directions we haven’t seen before.

Proof: Joypunks / 6’s to 9’s (Feat. Rationale) / No Words / Maker / She Makes Magic

3. ILLENIUM* - ASCEND Genre: Electronic / Future Bass / Dance

Denver DJ ILLENIUM found quite a sweet spot on his 2017 sophomore album, Awake, with his euphoric electronic music. Anybody who claims EDM is all plasticity without emotion that other music genres can evoke, I dare you to listen to Awake and not feel the raw human emotion bursting with every dramatic drop. However, Nicolas Miller was not complacent and has expanded his sound in 2019. Taking some inspiration no doubt from the late great Avicii, there’s plenty of experimenting with genres both externally and internally to the EDM landscape. With great ease, effort care and skill the tracks maneuver from Pop/Future Bass to House to Trance, to R&B to Country/Rock to Dubstep. The emotions continue to be the driver with tracks about love, heartbreak, feeling lost and even Miller’s opening up about his past issues with drug abuse. The Jon Bellion assisted “Good Things Fall Apart” and Chainsmokers partnered “Takeaway” are the tracks most people go in knowing, but powerful tracks like the lightning bolt opener “Hold On” to the Rock/Dubstep powerhouse of “Pray” to the R&B Ear drum slapper that's “Gorgeous” steal the listeners attention through this whirlwind of melodic feels.

Proof: Hold On (w/ Georgia Ku) / Good Things Fall Apart (w/ Jon Bellion) / Pray (Feat. Kameron Alexander) / Gorgeous (w/ Bipolar Sunshine & Blanke) / Lonely (w/ Chandler Leighton) // Bonus: Ekali & ILLENIUM - Hard To Say Goodbye (Feat. Chloe Angelides)

2. Nilüfer Yanya* - Miss Universe Genre: Indie Rock / Alternative / R&B

It could be too easy to take Nilüfer Yanya’s sensual music for granted, but those that pay close attention are very much rewarded. Her subtle and mellow melodies can slip into the background but by the time her infectious choruses hit you may find your shoulders swaying and feet tapping without thinking about it. The UK Born new artist has such an effortless feel to her genre melding sound of soul and indie pop. Her unique, raspy voice among the groovy, plucky guitar riffs has an ability to relay emotions while also keeping a veil of mystery. Miss Universe is probably 2019’s most consistent record, no song is out of place in this whole strong debut album. 

Proof: In Your Head / Paralysed / Angels / Tears / Heavyweight Champion of the Year

1. Labrinth - Imagination & the Misfit Kid Genre: Pop / alt-R&B

Sometimes it takes some time to find your comfortably and inspiration. English singer Labrinth’s debut album was released over seven years ago. In the time since the powerful voice, proficient productions or potent pen of the singer would pop up here and there with one-off singles, song features ("Losers” with The Weeknd off Beauty Behind The Madness was one great one), production or writer credits. 2019 though was quite the change in pace. The marathon of a year started with forming the supergroup and dropping the debut album of LSD with Sia and Diplo. Labrinth then was the lead composer on the music score for one of the year's best new shows on HBO’s “Euphoria”. This all was cultivated with this magnificent and expressive sophomore effort. Imagination & the Misfit Kid is a layered project of the many influences Labrinth has picked up over his lifetime packaged together in something innovative yet also familiar. On the surface the music is pretty crowd pleasing pop but when dissected more there's rich notes of music genres colliding including R&B, Gospel, Blues, UK Hip Hop and Electronic ingredients. The production is its own cunning beast, at times it is muted and let’s the great voice of Labrinth take the reins, only to come thundering in to smack you in the temple. There’s an obvious cinematic theme carried through in the songs that is driven home with the song titles and short skits. Labrinth is tapping into your ears while making a visual art piece. One you’re meant to close your eyes and let the melodies and lyrics help you visualize. “Can’t tell me the world don’t mind, a miracle.”

Proof: Miracle / Dotted Line / All For Us (w/ Zendaya) / Something’s Got To Give / Where The Wild Things Are / Oblivion (Feat. Sia) // Bonus: Don’t Fence Me In

Others:

Good: Aaron Aye - F.E.A.R., Ada Lea - what we say in private, Africa Express - EGOL, AJ Tracey - AJ Tracey, AKON - Akonda, The Alchemist - Yacht Rock 2, Aldous Harding - Designer, Alex Cameron - Miami Memory, Algee Smith - atl, Alice Merton - Mint, Allen Stone - Building Balance, Allie X - Super Sunset (Analog), The Amazons - Future Dust, Andrew Combs - Ideal Man, Angel Olsen - All Mirrors, Angie Stone - Full Circle, Ann Marie - Pretty Psycho, Anna Wise - As If It Were Forever, Ardalan - Mr. Good, Ari Lennox - Shea Butter Baby, Ariana Grande - thank u, next, Armin van Buuren - Balance, A$AP Ferg - Floor Seats, Asiahn - Love Train 2, Audien - Escapism, AURORA - A Different Kind of Human, avery r. young - tubman., Avicii - TIM, A1 - Turbulence, Baby Rose - To Myself, Bad Bunny - X 100PRE, Barrie - Happy to Be Here, Bastille - Doom Days, Bat For Lashes - Lost Girls, Bazzi - Soul Searching, Beast Coast - Escape from New York, Beck - Hyperspace, Becky G. - MALA SANTA, Beirut - Gallipoli, Berhana - HAN, Better Oblivion Community Center - Better Oblivion Community Center, Betty Who - Betty, Beyoncé - The Lion King: The Gift [Music Inspired by the Motion Picture], Big K.R.I.T. - K.R.I.T. IZ HERE, Big K.R.I.T. - TDT, Big Thief - Two Hands, Big Thief - U.F.O.F., Black Belt Eagle Scout - At The Party With My Brown Friends, The Black Keys - “Let’s Rock”, Black Milk - DiVE, bLAck pARty - Endless Summer, blackbear - ANONYMOUS, Blaq Tuxedo - Blaq Tuxedo, Blaqk Audio - Only Things We Love, Blasterjaxx - Perspective, Bleached - Don’t You Think You’ve Had Enough?, Blood Orange - Angel’s Pulse [Mixtape], Blu & Oh No - A Long Red Hot Los Angeles Summer Night, Boogie - Everything’s for Sale, Boy Harsher - Careful, Boy Harsher - Country Girl Uncut, Boy Scouts - Free Company, Brittany Howard - Jaime, BROCKHAMPTON - GINGER, Broods - Don’t Feed The Pop Monster, Brother Ali - Secrets & Escape, Bun B & Statik Selektah - TrillStatik [Mixtape], Burna Boy - African Giant, Busy Signal - Parts of the Puzzle, Caamp - By and By, Cage The Elephant - Social Cues, Camila Cabello - Romance, Carly Rae Jepsen - Dedicated, Caroline Polacheck - PANG, Casey Veggies - Organic, Casey Veggies & Rockie Fresh - Fresh Veggies [Mixtape], Cashmere Cat - PRINCESS CATGIRL, Cassius - Dreems, Catching Flies - Silver Linings, Cehryl - Slow Motion, The Chainsmokers - World War Joy, Charly Bliss - Young Enough, Chase & Status - RTRN II JUNGLE, Chelsea Wolfe - Birth of Violence, The Chemical Brothers - No Geography, Cherry Glazer - Stuffed & Ready, Childish Major - Dirt Road Diamond, Chinatown Slalom - Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?, Choosey & Exile - Black Beans, Chris Brown - Indigo, Chris Lorenzo - Late Checkout, Chris Staples - Holy Moly, Chromatics - Closer To Grey, Ciara - Beauty Marks, Cigarettes After Sex - Cry, City and Colour - A Pill for Loneliness, Citizen Cope - Heroin and Helicopters, Clairmont The Second - The Second’s Do You Drive?, Clairo - Immunity, clipping. - There Existed an Addiction to Blood, Cold War Kids - New Age Norms 1, Coldplay - Everyday Life, Collie Buddz - Hybrid, Common - Let Love, Cross Record - Cross Record, Crumb - Jinx, Crystal Fighters - Gaia & Friends, Cuco - Para Mi, Curren$y & Statik Selektah - Gran Turismo, CZARFACE & Ghostface Killa - Czarface Meets Ghostface, DaBaby - KIRK, Damar Jackson - U2, Dame D.O.L.L.A. - Big D.O.L.L.A., Danny Brown - uknowhatimsaying¿, Dave East - Survival, David B - BLEU, Dawn Richard - New Breed, Deadmau5 - here’s the drop, Deadmau5 - Polar (Music from the Netflix Film), Deaton Chris Anthony - BO Y, Deerhunter - Why Hasn’t Everything Already Disappeared?, Delta Heavy - Only In My Dreams, Dermot Kennedy* - Dermot Kennedy, Devin Morrison - Bussin’, DIIV - Deceiver, Dillon Francis - Magic Is Real [Mixtape], Dizzy Fae - NO GMO [Mixtape], DJ Khaled - Father of Asahd, DJ Shadow - Our Pathetic Age, DJ Snake - Carte Blanche, Doja Cat - Hot Pink, Dope Lemon - Smooth Big Cat, Dounia - THE SCANDAL, Drake - Care Package, Drax Project - Drax Project, Dreamville & J. Cole - Return of the Dreamers III, Dreezy - Big Dreez, DROELOE* - A Promise Is Made, The Drums - Brutalism, DUCKWRTH - THE FALLING MAN, Earl Sweatshirt - FEET OF CLAY, EARTHGANG - Mirrorland, Ed Sheeran - No. 6 Collaborations Project, Electric Guest - KIN, Electric Youth - Memory Emotion, ELHAE - Trouble In Paradise, Elle Varner - Ellevation, Emeli Sandé - REAL LIFE, Emmavie - Honeymoon, Emily Wells - The World Is Too ___ For You, Eric Bellinger - Cuffing Season 3, Eric Bellinger - Saved by the Bellinger [Mixtape], Eric Bellinger - The Rebirth 2, E-40 - Practice Makes Paper, Fabolous - Summertime Shoot 3: Coldest Summer Ever [Mixtape], The Faint - Egowerk, Fantasia - Sketchbook, FEELS - Post Earth, FIDLAR - Almost Free, Fitz & The Tantrums - All The Feels, FKA twigs - MAGDALENE, The Flaming Lips - The King’s Mouth: Music and Songs, Flume - Hi This Is Flume [Mixtape], Flying Lotus - Flamagra, Frances Cone - Late Riser, Frankie Cosmos - Close It Quietly, Freddie Gibbs & Madlib - Bandana, FRENSHIP* - Vacation, Freya Ridings - Freya Ridings, Friendly Fires - Inflorescent, Froth - Duress, The Game - Born 2 Rap, Gang Starr - One of the Best Yet, GASHI - GASHI, Gary Clark Jr. - This Land, Gena Rose Bruce - Can’t Make You Love Me, Gesaffelstein - Hyperion, The Get Up Kids - Problems, Giggs - BIG BAD…, girlpool - What Chaos Is Imaginary, The Glorious Sons - A War on Everything, gnash - we, Goo Goo Dolls - Miracle Pill, grandson - a modern tragedy vol. 3, GRiZ - Ride Waves, GTA - La Nueva Clásica (Remixes), Gus Dapperton - Where Polly People Go to Read, HÆLOS - Any Random Kindness, half●alive - Now, Not Yet, , Hatchie - Keepsake, Hayden James - Between Us, Hayden James - Between Us (Remixes), The Head and the Heart - Living Mirage, Headie One - Music x Road [Mixtape], Helado Negro - This Is How You Smile, Hermitude - Pollyanarchy, Hibou - Haive, Higher Brothers - Five Stars, Hobo Johnson - The Fall of Hobo Johnson, Holly Herndon - PROTO, Hoodie Allen - Whatever USA, Hot Chip - A Bath Full of Ecstasy, Ida Mae - Chasing Light, IDER - Emotional Education, IDK - Is He Real?, Iggy Azalea - In My Defense, India.Arie - Worthy, Ingrid Michaelson - Stranger Songs, Injury Reserve - Injury Reserve, Intellexual - Intellexual, Isaac Dunbar - balloons don’t float here, Isabella - 12 Angels, J Balvin & Bad Bunny - OASIS, Jack & Jack - A Good Friend Is Nice, JackLNDN - Thoughts, Jacob Latimore - Connection2, Jacquees - King of R&B, Jacques Greene - Dawn Chorus, Jade Bird - Jade Bird, Jai Wolf - The Cure To Loneliness, Jamie Cullum - Taller, James Blunt - Once Upon A Mind, Jamila Woods - LEGACY! LEGACY!, The Japanese House - Good At Falling, Jax Jones - Snacks, Jay Som - Anak Ko, Jayda G - Significant Changes, Jaden - ERYS, JAY1 - One Wave, Jenny Hval - The Practice of Love, Jenny Lewis - On The Line, J-E-T-S - Zoospa, Jidenna - 85 to Africa, Joell Ortiz - Monday, Johnny Gill - Game Changer II, JOHNNYSWIM - Moonlight, JOHKOY - 404, Jonas Brothers - Happiness Begins, Jordan Rakei - Origin, Joseph - Good Luck, Kid, Josephine Wiggs - We Fall, JPEGMAFIA - All My Heroes Are Cornballs, The Juan MacLean - The Brighter Light, Judah & The Lion - Pep Talks, Juice WRLD - Death Race for Love, Julian - Sydney, Juls - Colour, KAINA - Next to the Sun, Kanye West - JESUS IS KING, Karnaval Blues - You Come With the Rain, Kash Doll - Stacked, Kaskade - Redux 003, KÁRYYN - The Quanta Series, Kayzo - Unleashed, Keane - Cause and Effect, Kelsey Lu - Blood, Kemba - Gilda, Kembe X - I Was Depressed Until I Made This, Kerli - Shadow Works, Kevin Gates - I’m Him, Kevin George - My Darlings a Demon, Kevin Morby - Oh My God, K.Flay - Solutions, Kindness* - Something Like a War, King Princess - Cheap Queen, Kishi Bashi - Omoiyari, Ladytron - Ladytron, Lafawndah - Ancestor Boy, Larry June - Out the Trunk [Mixtape], The Lemonheads - Varshons 2, Lexie Liu - 2030, Liam Gallagher - Why Me? Why Not, LICK - Dark Vibe Order, Lil Skies - Shelby, Lissie - When I’m Alone: The Piano Retrospective, Little Brother - May The Lord Watch, Local Natives - Violet Street, Logic - Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Lolo Zouaï - High Highs to Low Lows, Lost Frequencies - Alive and Feeling Fine, Louis Futon - Way Back When, Loyle Carner - Not Waving, But Drowning, LSD - Labrinth, Sia & Diplo Presents… LSD, Lucky Daye - Painted, Lucy Rose - No Words Left, Luh Kel - Mixed Emotions, The Lumineers - III, LV - Xcited, Lyfe Jennings - 777, Mac Ayers - Juicebox, Mac DeMarco - Here Comes the Cowboy, Mahalia - Love and Compromise, Malibu Ken (Aesop Rock & TOBACCO) - Malibu Ken, Manatee Commune* - PDA, Mansionair - Shadowboxer, Marc E. Bassy - PMD, Maren Morris - GIRL, Maribou State - Kingdoms in Color Remixed, Marika Hackman - Any Human Friend, MARINA - LOVE + FEAR, MarMar Oso - Oso Different, Marshmello - Joytime III, Matt Maeson - Bank on the Funeral, MED & Guilty Simpson - Child of the Jungle, Meg Mac - Hope, Megan Thee Stallion - Fever, Melii - phAses, Men I Trust - Oncle Jazz, Mereba - The Jungle Is The Only Way Out, Mermaidens - Look Me in the Eye, Michael Kiwanuka - KIWANUKA, MIKA  - My Name Is Michael Holbrook, MIKE - Tears of Joy, Mike Posner - Keep Going [Mixtape], Mike Posner - A Real Good Kid, Milky Chance - Mind the Moon, Mr. Carmack - Demolish [Mixtape], Mr. Carmack - Viista, Mr Hudson - WHEN THE MACHINE STOP, Mndsgn - Snaxx, Moksi - The Return of House Music, Montell Jordan - Masterpiece, Moon Boots - Bimini Road, Moon Duo - Stars Are the Light, Moonchild - Little Ghost, Murs & 9th Wonder - Brighter Daze, Murs, 9th Wonder & The Soul Collective - The Iliad is Dead and the Odyssey is Over, Mustard - Perfect Ten, Nao Yoshioka - Undeniable, Nas - The Lost Tapes 2, Nathan Bajar - playroom, The National - I Am Easy to Find, Necking - Cut Your Teeth, The New Pornographers - In the Morse Code of Brake Lights, NF - The Search, Nick Catchdubs - Ufo, Nicole Bus - Kairos, Nina Nesbitt - The Sun Will Come Up, The Seasons Will Change, Noah Kahan - Busyhead, Norah Jones - Begin Again, Obie Trice - The Fifth, Octavian - Endorphins, Of Monsters and Men - FEVER DREAM, Offset -  Father of Four, Oliver Dion - Exposed, Olivia O’Brien - Was It Even Real?, Panda Bear - Buoys, Patoranking - Wilmer, Pete Tong & HERO - Chilled Classics, Pete Yorn - Caretakers, Petit Biscuit* - We Were Young (The Playlist), P!nk - Hurts 2B Human, Pixies - Beneath the Eyrie, PJ Morton - PAUL, Plaid - Polymer, P-LO - SHINE, PnB Rock - TrapStar Turnt PopStar, Pond - Tasmania, Post Malone - Hollywood’s Bleeding, Priests - The Seduction of Kansas, Prince - Originals, PUP - Morbid Stuff, Quelled Chris - Guns, R.LUM.R. - Surfacing, Ra Ra Riot - Superbloom, The Raconteurs - Help Us Stranger, Raphael Saadiq - Jimmy Lee, Ras Kass - Soul on Ice 2, Rat Boy - International Unknown, Raveena - Lucid, Reese LaFlare - Final Fantasy, The Regrettes - How Do You Love?, Reptaliens - VALIS, Rex Orange County - Pony, Rich Brian - The Sailor, Rich The Kid - The World Is Yours 2, Rico Nasty & Kenny Beats - Anger Management, Rhi - The Pale Queen, Rhye - Spirit, Rockie Fresh - Destination, Rudimental - Test Our Differences, RÜFÜS DU SOL - Solace Remixes, RY X - Unfurl, Sabrina Carpenter - Singular Act II, SAFE - STAY, Said The Whale - Cascadia, SAINt JHN - Ghetto Lenny’s Love Songs, St. Lucia - Remixed, Sammie - Everlasting, Sampa The Great - The Return, San Fermin - The Cormorant I, (Sandy) Alex G - House of Sugar, Santana - Africa Speaks, Santi - Mandy & The Jungle, Sara Bareilles - Amidst the Chaos, SASAMI - SASAMI, ScHoolboy Q - CrasH Talk, Seasons - American Authors, Set It Off - Midnight, Set Mo - Surrender, Shafiq Husayn - The Loop, Shari Marie - Reflection LP, Sharon Van Etten - Remind Me Tomorrow, Sheer Mag - A Distant Call, Shlohmo - The End, Shy Girls - Bird on the Wing, Silversun Pickups - Widow’s Weeds, Sinead Harnett - Lessons in Love, SiR - Chasing Summer, sir Was - Holding On To A Dream, Skepta - Ignorance Is Bliss, The Script - Sunset & Full Moons, Sleater-Kinney - The Center Won’t Hold, Sleeping With Sirens - How It Feels to Be Lost, slowthai - Nothing Great About Britain, Slum Village - The Source, Smif-N-Wessun - The All, Snail Mail - Habit, Snake City - Hurts, SNBRN - Solé, Snoh Aalgra - Ugh, those feels again, Snoop Dogg - I Wanna Thank Me, Snow Patrol - Reworked, SOAK - Grim Town, SOB X RBE & Hit-Boy - Family Not a Group, Solange - When I Get Home, Somos - Prison On A Hill, SonReal - The Aaron LP, StayLoose - The City, Stef Chura - Midnight, Steve Lacy - Apollo XXI, Stirgull Simpson - SOUND & FURY, Styles P - S.P. The Goat: Ghost of All Time, Sudan Archives - Athena, Sui Zhen - Losing Linda, Summer Walker - Over It, SYML - SYML, The Tallest Man On Earth - I Love You, Talos - Far Out Dust, Tank - ELEVATION, Tank and the Bangas - Green Balloon, Tayla Parx - We Need To Talk, Taylor Swift - Lover, Tech N9ne - N9na, Tegan and Sara - Hey, I’m Just Like You, TENDER - Fear of Falling Asleep, Terri Lyne Carrington & Social Science - Waiting Game, Terror Jr - Unfortunately, Terror Jr, Tiësto - Together, Tinashe - Songs For You, Tink - Voicemails, The-Dream - Menage a Trois: Sextape Vol. 1,2&3, Thees Handz (The Grouch & Murs) - Thees Handz, Thom Yorke - ANIMA, T-Pain - 1UP, TOBi - STILL, Tom Walker - What A Time To Be Alive, Tora - Can’t Buy the Mood, Toro y Moi - Outer Peace, Tory Lanez - International Fargo [Mixtape], Tourist - Wild, Tove Lo - Sunshine Kitty, Trae tha Truth - Exhale, Travis Thompson - Reckless Endangerment, Trevor Jackson - Rough Draft 2, Trina - The One, Tritonal - U & Me, Tropical Fuck Storm - Braindrops, Tuxedo - Tuxedo III, Two Door Cinema Club - False Alarm, Tycho - Weather, Tyla Yaweh - Heart Full of Rage, Vagabon - Vagabon, Vancouver Sleep Clinic - Onward to Zion, Various Artists - DEATH STRANDING: Timefall (Original Music from the World of Death Stranding), Various Artists - For The Throne (Music Inspired by the HBO Series Game of Thrones), Various Artists - Music Inspired by the Film Roma, Various Artists - 13 Reasons Why (Season 3) [Music Inspired by the Netflix Series], Velvet Negroni - NEON BROWN, Wale - Wow... That’s Crazy, Walk Off The Earth - HERE WE GO!, Wallows - Nothing Happens, Walshy Fire - Walshy Fire Presents: ABENG, Wand - Laughing Matter, Weezer - Weezer (The Teal Album), Weyes Blood - Titanic Rising, Wilco - Ode to Joy, Wild Belle - Everybody One of a Kind, William Black* - Pages, Willow - Willow, Whitney - Forever Turned Around, Wretch 32 - Upon Reflection, X Ambassadors - ORION, Xavier Omär & Sango - Moments Spent Loving You, YACHT - Chain Tipping, YBN Cordae - The Lost Boy, Yeasayer - Erotic Reruns, Yeek - IDK WHERE, YG - 4REAL 4REAL, Yhung T.O. - On My Momma 2, Yuna - Rouge, Zilo - Gorgeous, Zo! - FourFront, 2 Chainz - Rap or Go to the League, 93PUNX - 93PUNX, !!! - Wallop

Meh: A Boogie wit da Hoodie - Hoodie SZN, Above & Beyond - Flow State, The Avett Brothers - Closer Than Together, Belle & Sebatian - Days of the Bangold, Berner - El Chivo, Birdman & Juvenile - Just Another Gangsta, Blank Mass - Animated Violence Mild, Calboy - Wildboy, Casanova - Behind These Scars, Conway The Machine - Look What I Became, Cousin Stizz - Trying to Find My Next Thrill, DREAMERS - LAUNCH FLY LAND, DJ Muggs & Mach - Hommy: Tuez-Les Tous, Future - Future Hndrexx Presents: The WZRD, G&D - Black Love & War, Ghostface Killah - Ghostface Killahs, Gucci Mane - Delusions of Grandeur, HTRK - Venus in Leo, Jezzy - TM104: The Legend of the Snowman, Kenny Garrett - Hoax, Lighthouse Family - Blue Sky in Your Head, Lil Peep - EVERYBODY’S EVERYTHING, Lillie Mae - Other Girls, Logic - Supermarket, Lower Dens - The Competition, Machine Gun Kelly - Hotel Diablo, Night Lovell - GOODNIGHT LOVELL, Pi’erre Bourne & Cardo Got Wings - Pi’erre & Cardo’s WIld Adventure [Mixtape], Quality Control - Control The Streets Volume 2, Rick Ross - Port of Miami 2, Rod Wave - PTSD, Shy Glizzy - Covered N Blood, Spellling - Mazy Fly, Tee Grizzley - Scriptures, Twin Peaks - Lookout Low, Tyga - Legendary, Wifisfuneral - Ethernet 2, Wiz Khalifa & Curren$y - 2009, 03 Greedo - Still Summer in the Projects

Naw: Black midi - Schlagenheim, KEY! - SO EMOTIONAL, Microwave - Death is a Warm Blanket, Nef The Pharaoh - Mushrooms & Coloring Books, Scarlxrd - INFINITY, Ugly God - Bumps & Bruises, Weezer - Weezer (The Black Album), Westside Gunn - Flygod is an Awesome God, Yung Gravy - Sensational, Zheani - The Line Censored

[bastardtravel]

August 11, 2018. Manchester, New Hampshire.

After seven hours on the road, pausing only to explore an Old Ones cult site, storm a terrible castle, and eat distressingly dry corned beef at a Greek diner that still advertised one of their menu items as “Michael Jackson’s favorite grinder”, we were in dire need of respite.

Establishing a forward operating base was our first priority. For my part, I can sleep anywhere. My bonfire days in the Frozen North frequently necessitated pitching a $10 K-Mart tent over gravel, then drinking bottom-shelf whiskey until you didn’t realize you were sleeping in a puddle of rainwater and broken glass. That’s not a knack you lose. It’s like riding a bike. The Girl was always more discerning, and became doubly so after our experience in Phoenix with the inept criminal front halfway house hotel. We agreed that she can veto any of the lodgings I book. Sometimes, late at night, I’ll hold a flashlight under my chin and tell her spoOoOoky stories about hostels in Ireland.

She insisted on the airport Super 8. I was hoping to stay in a quaint deep woods motel called “Unsmiling Jed’s Sleepaway”, attached to sister business “Unsmiling Jed’s Discount Plastic Surgery Silo and Chili Kitchen”.

If I can’t protect it, I don’t deserve to have it. That goes double for life.

A friendly foreign woman checked us in at the Super 8, then proceeded into utter bafflement when I asked for a first aid kid. I chewed myself up pretty good climbing Bancroft’s Castle, and I’d spent the last half hour bleeding into an oily dog blanket to avoid ruining my upholstery. I’m pretty sure that’s how plagues start.

There were no band-aids here, or antiseptics, or possibly medicine as a concept. There was a three gallon tub of hand sanitizer. I thanked her for the offer but gently declined.

We went up to the third floor. The hallways were lined with people sitting on the carpet outside their rooms, shouting and smoking cigarettes. The room itself was clean and the air conditioning worked. All my boxes were checked. The bathroom reeked of weed, which some would interpret as a bonus. I scrubbed my wounds raw in the sink, tucked away the precious cargo of wine and peaches, and set out to investigate downtown Manchester.

Streetlight technology has not yet made its way to Manchester, so we spent twenty minutes missing exits in ocean-floor darkness. It looked worryingly like Wilkes-Barre, which is not where one would choose to vacation, were one sane.

Downtown erupted from nowhere like graphic pop-in on a video game running at its lowest resolution. One second you’re in leatherface country, with nothing breaking the abyssal darkness but the occasional half-broken Jiffy Lube sign. The next, you’re on vibrant neon market strip, replete with hipsters and the homeless.

We knew we had hit downtown proper when we passed by the “craft grilled cheese bistro”.

only programmers will understand!!!! like and reblog if u get it

Since I am an adult man, grilled cheese cannot be dinner. Both “gastropubs” we tried, despite their bitchin Greek mythology names, offered generic terrible burgers and a draft list that consisted of Coors Light.

“I’m so hungry,” the Girl told me. “I’m gonna die.”

“We all will,” I assured her. “Soon.”

Yelp claimed there was a brewery five blocks away. We walked off the only lit street, into absolute, encompassing blackness. It would’ve been spooky if I didn’t always kind of hope some Putty Patrol mook would lunge at me from the dark while I’m far away from home, having told no one where I’m going and left no paper trail.

There were no incidents. No one was murdered in self-defense. No one knows what we did last summer. The Stark Brewing Company was in the basement of a grim looking office complex, and it was vacant save for two other wanderers.

We sat at the bar and ordered a flight and an imperial stout. I was pushing for finding an actual restaurant, but the Girl ordered “Penne with vodka sauce”, which was not the right color, flavor, or texture to be anything but penne bolognese. The Girl didn’t seem to mind. I ate a pulled pork sandwich.

The beers were warm, but I didn’t care. It didn’t matter what the beers were, so long as they were beers. And not Coors Light. The brewery themed all of their beers off of dogs, for some reason, which I believe to be the ideal business model. According to the bartenders, the brewery had been open for 25 years, but hadn’t yet received their big boom. I was outraged. The beers were excellent, and would probably be even better if they weren’t room temperature, and the taps were not only named for specific dogs, but also provided pictures.

To say nothing of the bathroom, which was covered in sharpie beer lore.

The bartender and waitresses swore a lot more than you would normally expect in this context. The Girl maintains they were swearing at us. I disagreed.

“They were swearing <i>with</i> us,” I mansplained.

“We weren’t swearing,” she countered.

“But if we HAD been.”

As I’ve grown larger and more sinuous, I’ve tried to cut back on how often I cuss at strangers. Cultural relativism is the understanding that not everyone grew up among the coalcrackers, and good-natured oaths like “how the hell are you” or using the fuck-word as a conversational placeholder, while subjectively soothing, can set off fight-or-flight in the small, soft, and bourgeoisie.

I try to maintain direct proportionality between my barbarism and my well-heeledness. Neither the wait staff nor the other two customers shared my bond, and the middle-aged guy on my right proceeded to tell me how his hometown of Denver, Colorado is the greatest fuckin’ city in America, next to maybe Southern California. Which is not a city.

We talked about our homes and travels for a while, then I got my pulled pork sandwich and they left. The sandwich was slightly warmer than the beer, which beat the alternative.

An armada of children came into the bar.

“Oh, shit,” the woman tending bar said. They were visibly teenagers, and on the wrong side of it. They had that gangly awkwardness you get around fourteen or fifteen, and if they were trying to play it off, they were woefully bad at it. There were also nearly twenty of them. It looked like a field trip.

People in their twenties don’t travel in packs of more than six. It’s hard to transport a throng, unless you have a party bus, and why do you have a party bus when you’re twenty-eight? You’re twenty-eight and party buses have always been sad. Get a job. Also, it’s hard to get that many adults to agree on something.

It can be done. You can say, “Hey, adults, you want to do some drugs?” And in a sufficiently sized crowd, you’ll manage to pull twenty or so who will follow you to your house or whatever. This is called an “afterparty”. It doesn’t go to bars at 9pm.

Have you felt out the social zeitgeist recently? Look at a random handful of current memes and it’ll be pretty clear that most adults consider socialization to be a required burden, like paying emotional taxes. “Going out” is the price of living in a civilized society. You’re not going to scare up twenty people, then put them in a party bus, then take them to an abandoned bar half a mile outside of where the actual nightlife is.

“Hey, we’re just about to close,” the bartender said.

A reedy blonde in a top that seemed to consist mostly of straps screeched, “But your WEBSITE said you were open til ONE!”

Screeched.

The bar fell silent. Well, more silent. The Girl and I traded looks, her horror for my delight.

“Uhhhhhh,” the bartender said, but with excellent elocution, as though that were the word she had deliberately chosen. “Okay.”

They sat the itinerant mall food court in an enormous corner table, whereupon they requested shots.

The waitress who had sworn at/with us the least came back to the bar and said, “You guys said you were from Pennsylvania, right?”

We nodded.

“Can I see one of your licenses quick?”

She compared mine against the obviously fake ID one of the tweens had given her. After a moment she said, “Yeah, you can see, the font is different. And the picture looks like it’s photoshopped.”

“Yeah, no one’s license picture ever looks this good,” the Girl said, studying the fake ID.

“Except mine,” I added. They ignored me. I didn’t take it personally.

The waitresses disappeared into the back. Five minutes later, the only dude working at the place was gendered into being the bad cop. He sulked over to the teens.

“You guys gotta leave,” he said. “We know your ID’s fake. We’re not trying to get fined. You gotta go.”

For maximum accuracy, imagine this said in Toby’s voice from the Office. Shamefaced, the flash mob of children dispersed.

We paid for our room temperature beers and left the poor, foul-mouthed brewery to close at 9:30 on a Friday. The Girl and I accidentally stalked the battalion of teens through the street, but only because we were all moving back toward the only lights in the city, not unlike moths. They turned a corner and vanished, presumably to find an arcade or laser tag or some sort of large carousel.

The Girl and I followed the sounds of some obnoxious bros announcing, “It’s like a fahkin sketchy ally, dewd”.

It was, in fact, the least sketchy alley I’d ever been in. Cat Alley was the best lit venue in all of New Hampshire. It was clean and well-maintained, and it was covered less in graffiti and more in an outdoor art gallery dedicated to cats.

There were more, but they didn’t all warrant a picture.

Portland Pie Co loomed from the endless darkness like a beacon in the night, hearkening back to those days lost in Maine during the Great Lobster Drought of 2017. We split a bourbon barrel ale which did me in. It was bedtime.

On the way back, toward the end of the main drag, a man made of pure light rode by blasting EZ-Listenin from his Tron bicycle, also made of pure light.

I can’t prove he wasn’t Jesus.

Heartened, we returned to the hotel, where no one was smoking or yelling in the hallway anymore. Excellent.

Next stop, Portsmouth.

Love,

The Bastard

Into the Abyss August 11, 2018. Manchester, New Hampshire. After seven hours on the road, pausing only to explore an Old Ones cult site, storm a terrible castle, and eat distressingly dry corned beef at a Greek diner that still advertised one of their menu items as "Michael Jackson's favorite grinder", we were in dire need of respite.

[virgook]

did i expect to be asleep an hour ago? yes. did i snap once again? yes. will i actually be right about any of this? to be decided.

i don’t even know what i was aiming to do with this? like it’s a combination of what i feel like the songs will sound like? a little bit of what i think they lyrics will be about??? and just some of my own wants and desires??? this is super different for me bc i always make a first impression note as i listen to all the songs. so trying to guess beforehand was fun. also i love over theorizing everything so 👽

TBH i’ll be satisfied it any of this even lines up with your reading. (but then again your reading would line up with the actual sound/lyrics of the song so... i guess we both gotta wait to see)

GO OFF WITH MY CONSPIRACIES @taemptation-blr​ / @710721119229​

SHADOW:

A FULL LENGTH THAT’S 4 MINUTES 20 SECONDS (BLAZE IT) LONG? SIGN ME THE FUCK UP. I’m excited to see how they extend it 👀🤔👀🤔👀🤔👀🤔

FILTER:

i mean i’ve already sort of spoke about it like i am super curious to what the sound of this song will be. i think he has a really versatile voice that can capture and emote any feeling. i do think his voice has a sweeter timbre (which is why i will praise serendipity until the day i die like his voice is just tooooo perfect for it.. ANYWAY). when i think about it i hope he has a song that really showcases how unique and sweet his voice is. promise was exactly that so if it was like that it would also be interesting bc then you can say that having a solo song that is completely in his register and showcases his real voice is like taking off the filters of BH’s direction with his voice (constantly having him sing high and belt.) like his voice is cozy and warm so now it would be nice to hear a more natural sounding song? with real instruments. but alternatively if he does go the r&b route i’m thinking early usher like u got it bad/confessions vibe. SURPRISE ME PARK JIMIN.

MY TIME:

jungkook’s song about his trainee days til now 🥺😔. OKAY SOOOO THIS IS MORE A SELFISH WANT RATHER THAN A GUESS BUT I’M ROOTING FOR A SOFT, SEMI-STRIPPED AND NOSTALGIC SOUNDING SONG. SOMETHING SORT OF LIKE THE COVERS HE TENDS TO GRAVITATE TO??? could this be highboy me done with him being pigeon holed with EDM based songs???? pERHAPS😶 but still i really do want to see him branch out and take on different sounds on his own. DSFJSKDJF OKAY NEW THOUGHT HIT BUT WHAT IF SOUNDS LIKE DECALCOMANIA (I DON’T THINK IT WILL BE I’LL PUT IT OUT THERE) anYWAY back on track… as i was saying i wanna feel like his voice sucker punched me in the heart, i want to cry on the first listen. (side track #2 but then i think to the concert and would he want a more stationary song to perform??? then again he could do a whole floating up in some sort of contraption thing like he did so speak yourself….. IDK BYE) edm has no rights in my household, we’re through with it (but so still listen to euphoria once almost everyday? yes. 🤡

LOUDER THAN BOMBS:

HELLO TROYE. I’M WRITING THIS PART POST COMEBACK LIVE AND I ALREADY FORGOT THE VIBE THEY DESCRIBED THE SONG BEING. BUT I’M THINKING OF A LIKE BLUE NEIGHBOURHOOD STYLE KIND OF SONG???? I KNOW NAMJOON/JUNGKOOK BOTH LIKED SONGS OFF THAT ALBUM (AS THEY SHOULD) SO WE’LL SEE

ON: 

OKAY SIS I AM GOING TO POST MY NOTE THAT I WROTE ON THE BUS BC I NEED YOU TO BELIEVE I WROTE THIS BEFORE THE COMEBACK LIVE BC THAT COMEBACK LIVE ONLY HAS ME MORE IN MY CONSPIRCY THEORY OF HOW AND WHAT THIS SONG IS ABOUT. I’M NOT A FAKER OKAY????

UGH!:

OKAY SO WE ALREADY KNEW THIS SONG WAS GOING TO SLAP AND GO OFF AND SPIT IN OUR FACE WITH THE DESCRIPTION BUT YOONGI HINTED DURING THE LIVE THAT IT’S LIKE A CYPHER AND IT’S TAEHYUNG APPROVED SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I’M READY TO BUST A LUNG. WE HITTING CYHPER 3 KILLER VIBES (I HOPE AND IF SO I’LL CRY)

00:00 (ZERO O’CLOCK):

I MISSED THE HINT FOR THIS AS WELL, BUT I’M GOING TO GO WITH IT BEING TRUTH UNTOLD BUT NOT EMO. LIKE A MIX OF TRUTH UNTOLD AND THE SWEETNESS (SOUND WISE) OF LOST. WITH A HINT OF 2! 3!. 

INNER CHILD:

IT’S A REFLECTIVE PIECE SO NOT ONLY IS HE SPEAKING TO INNER CHILD, BUT ONE THAT IS GOING THROUGH A ROUGH TIME SO I FEEL LIKE IT WOULD BE SOFTER IN TONE. ALMOST LIKE IT COULD BE A  LITTLE HUSHED AND SUBTLETY  ENCOURAGING LIKE YOU WOULD SPEAK TO A SMALL CHILD WHILE THEY’RE CRYING?? LIKE I DO NOT IMAGINE DEMON TAE THAT WE SAW ON STAGE WITH SINGULARITY

FRIENDS:

FIRST: 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 I HAVE TWO BRAINCELLS AND I THINK JIMIN HINTED AT THE SOUND OF THE SONG BUT I CAN ONLY READ SUBTITLES SO FAST. BUT AGAIN LIKE I KNOW THIS ALBUM APPREARS TO BE DARK BUT IT REALLY FEEL AFTER UGH! THE ALBUM WILL BE BRIGHTER? HAPPIER? LIKE OUT OF THE SHADOW AND INTO THE EGO AND SDKJGHDSLKJFGDSJ I ONLY THOUGHT THIS NOW BUT NOW I’M LIKE SIDETRACK LIKE MY TIME IS GOING TO BE EMO AS FUCK DSKF SDFS OKAY BACK TO VMIN. LIKE SWEET? PLAYFUL? JUST YOUTHFUL, OPTIMISTIC AND COMFORTING ALL AT THE SAME TIME?? AND THEIR VOICES HAVE SUCH DISTINCT TIMBRES THAT IMAGINE IT COMBINING SOOOO NICELY???? LIKE THINK BILLIE ELLIESH AND HER COLLAB WITH KHALID. BYE

MOON:

my guy…. when you said that this…. is his goodbye….to army????….like until pretty much the end of his enlistment…..??? like that hit DIFFERENT. like it didn’t even cross my mind…EYEEEEEEE. although i was sort of hoping for jin to maybe stray from ballads just bc awake and epiphany were ballads (DON’T GET ME WRONG I LOVE THEM) but there’s no way this won’t have a similar vibe. maybe not as dramatic?? like this is supposed to be a bittersweet farewell, the moon doesn’t shine as harshly as the sun so i don’t imagine a huge belt like we got in epiphany…… BUT IF HE WANTS TO FLEX ON ME LIKE THAT HE CAN 👀 OTHERWISE I EXPECT TO CRY THE FIRST TIME I LISTEN TO IT LIKE I DID EPIHPANY SO 🤪🤘

RESPECT:

IT’S THE GODFATHERS OF BANGTAN. TOGETHER, AT LAST. I REALLY DON’T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT BC THEY BOTH HAVE SUCH DIFFERENT APPROACHES TO RAP. BOTH LYRICALLY AND SONICALLY. NAMJOON IS SOFTER, MORE MELLOW, WHISMISCAL POETRY WHEREAS YOONGI (I’M BASING THIS OFF AUGUST D I DON’T THINK HIS UPCOMING MIXTAPE WILL SOUND LIKE THIS BUT I DIGRESS) IS HARSHER, HAS BITE AND IS THAT PART IN SLAM POETRY THAT JUST HITS YOU IN THE FACE BC OF HOW BRUTALLY RAW AND HONEST IT IS. SO MIXING THOSE BOTH WILL BE INTERESTING. DO I EXPECT THIS TO BE CYPHER SOUNDING? NOT REALLY??? JUST BC BOTH OF THEM HAVE GROWN SO MUCH AND AREN’T AS JADED AS BEFORE SO WHO KNOWS. BUT IF IT WAS LIKE A SO FAR AWAY/EVERYTHING GOES HYBRID 👀😥👀🤤👀🥴👀👀🥺👀👀😤👀

DJSHDLSKJD SIDENOTE #45: TRIPPY BUT MOVE LITERALLY STARTED PLAYING AND I HEARD NAMJOON’S AYO SUGA AND NOW I’M LIKE???????? THIS IS A SONG ABOUT THEIR RESPECT FOR ONE ANOTHER? HOW THEY DIDN’T GET ALONG AT FIRST, OR EVEN HOW THEIR STYLES ARE DIFFERENT NOW BUT THEY STILL RESPECT EACH OTHER? AS ARTISTS, BANDMATE AND FRIEND??? GOD I NEED A NAP

WE ARE BULLETPROOF : THE ETERNAL:

LAST BUT NOT LEAST :( THEY HINTED IN THE LIVE THAT THIS SOUNDS DIFFERENT FROM PT 1&2 so HONESTLY??? HEAD EMPTY NO THOUGHTS.  IDK I DON’T EXPECT IT TO HAVE SO MUCH OF A BRAVADO FEEL LYRICALLY AND SOUND WISE I SEE IT BEING BRIGHTER THAN PT 1&2. LIKE ALL I CAN THINK OF IS A MORE HIPHOP STYLE OF IDOL? OR LIKE A MORE FRIENDLY FEELING VERSION OF CYPHER PT 4?? LIKE THERE ISN’T SO MUCH HAVING TO TELL THE AUDIENCE THEY ARE BULLETPROOF IT IS INHERENTLY KNOWN SO I JUST DON’T SEE IT BEING HARSH. MORE COY AND FLIP MY HAIR I AM THE SHIT VIBE??? I DO NOT MAKE SENSE 

[tianamulan]

So I really really really love podcast and I thought I would make this masterpost of podcast recommendations!! There’s a little bit of everything, and I’ve organised it all, so I’m sure you’ll find something you’ll like! I mention possible content warnings, episode lengths and amounts, good places to start, etc. I will update this post as I find more podcasts! Enjoy~

Fictional Podcasts

Limetown: 6 episodes, 30-40 min each. Crime Investigation of a town whose residents all mysteriously disappeared one night. Has sci-fi elements. Possible content warning for animal abuse/testing in episode 3, and deaths throughout. End of episode 2 is also potentially disturbing. 

[Website] [Soundcloud] and in iTunes store.

The Message: 8 episodes, ~15 min each with a 30 min finale. A message from space needs to be translated, and our main character Nicky is podcasting the whole time. Obviously very sci-fi. Diverse cast, including a non-binary person! It’s pretty intense, and because the narrator talks directly to you which includes warnings it could be a little distressing but it’s 100% fictional. Content warning for hospital situations and characters on their deathbeds.

[Website] and in iTunes store.

Life After: 10 episodes, ~30 mins each. This is made by the same team as The Message. Ross works for the FBI, and has lost his wife recently. He’s obsessed with listening to audioposts that she made on a audio-social media site. Content warning for cults and hacking.

Available in iTunes store.

Steal the Stars: Currently airing, as of Aug 2017 they have 4 episodes out. It’s about government officials who are guarding and studying an alien who crash landed on earth years ago. There’s also a love story.

[Website] and available in iTunes store.

The Truth: Every episode is different! Often very dark, but some are more light hearted. Very very visual. My favourites include Starbursts, The One about the Dead Dog, and It’s Your Funeral (Pt1 & Pt 2).

[Website] [Soundcloud] and in iTunes store.

D&D Podcasts

Okay just hear me out before you scroll past this section. I have never played dungeons and dragons in my life, I’m not even a fan of fantasy. But I really love these podcasts. It takes time to understand the rules, but it’s so worth it. The stories told are so original cuz everything can change by the role of a dice, and the characters have free will and don’t have to listen to the narrator. The people in these podcasts are so passionate too. But if you are sure that it’s not your cup of tea then you can move on now.

The Adventure Zone: 3 brothers play D&D with their dad. They’ve just finished their first Campaign as of Aug 2017, so you’ll have a completed story if you start now. There’s 69 episodes, each around an hour or so long, so it’s a lot of content to get through. They’re goofy as all hell. It takes some time to recognise the voices if you don’t know the McElroy brothers (they make other podcasts I mention later). Merle is a dwarf cleric (essentially a priest), Magnus is a human fighter, and Taako is an elven wizard. The Dungeon Master (DM, person who tells the story of the world and plays all the non-main characters) is super talented, lots of great voices. The fantasy in this is very non-traditional, so not like medieval britain, so there’s things like trains and space travel and a costco. Hilarious, very original, and emotional. Also the music is sooo good here’s the soundcloud for just the music. also there’s a pretty active fandom if that’s important to you.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Sneak Attack!: 4 player game with 5 friends (including a married couple). As of Aug 2017 they have over 100 episodes, and bonus eps, all about an hour long. Sherwood is a gnome druid (basically a forest wizard) who is antisocial to everyone but animals and plants. Greaek is a dwarf fighter who introduces himself to everyone he meets he’s a good boy. Brenna is a half-elf bard (musician) who plays the banjo and bagpipes and gets into lots of arguments with Greaek, who is her irl husband. She’s the voice of reason in the group. Akio is a human wizard who dreams of owning a noodle shop, and owns a chicken named Alfredo. Also he’s a necromancer. The DM is amazing, and the whole group is just really nice and wholesome? 

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Science & Culture

Radiolab: Beautifully edited, usually about science/tech but mostly about telling a good story. Most episodes are about 40 mins to an hour, and there’s also shorter mini episodes. Good episodes to start with is Colors, Laughter, and Escape!. My favourites include What’s Up, Doc?, The Living Room (content warning for death and illness), Debateable, On the Edge, and Cities.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Reply All: Podcast about “the internet”, but it’s much more than that. Their content is all over the place. Episodes are typically 35 mins long, with the occasional longer ep. This is a podcast I would start from the beginning to get used to the format. Today’s The Day and Hello? are two of my favourite audio pieces ever, they make me so emotional, but I don’t think you’ll get this feeling unless you’ve listened to their ‘normal’ podcasts and gotten to know the hosts. This podcast is very good about content warnings for episodes, both at the start and when they’re about to discuss the content.

[Website] [Soundcloud] and in iTunes Store.

Flash Forward: Used to be called Meanwhile in the Future. Each episode focuses on a possible or not-so-possible future, first starting with a dramatisation of what that future would be like (usually news report kinda stuff), and then an in depth discussion with real experts about how possible that future is. In the first season the episodes were about 15 mins but now they’re up to 40 mins long. A good place to start with would be from the start! All the episodes are great in my opinion, but for examples of the range of topics discussed, you can try Sunward Bound and Don’t Lie to Me.

[Website] [Soundcloud] and in iTunes Store.

Imaginary Worlds: About fictional universes and our relationship to them. Episodes usually between 20-30 mins, and often topical to a recent event. My favourites are The Year Without a Summer (about Mary Shelley, author of Frankenstein, and volcanoes), Rolling the Twenty Sided Dice (about D&D, would highly recommend if you are unsure about the aforementioned D&D podcast), and In Defence of Captain Hook (about Peter Pan, the last 5 mins of this podcast is amazing).

[Website] [Soundcloud] and in iTunes Store.

Invisibilia: This podcast is about human behaviour/psychology. Episodes are an hour long. I would recommend The Personality Myth to start (but also starting at episode 1 is good). They are usually good about content warning but obviously they often talk about mental health so do with that what you want. As of August 2017 they have just finished their 3rd season.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

This American Life: The most annoying thing about this podcast is there’s only ever the last 4 episodes they’ve aired available at a time, but you can “save” the episode you like on iTunes. It’s about american culture and stories and stuff, sometimes a little hit or miss for me but I’m also not American but there’s still a lot of great episodes. The episode that just came out in August 2017 “We are in the Future” is Amazing, about afrofuturism.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Sawbones: This podcast describes itself as “a marital tour of misguided medicine”. Dr. Sydnee and Justin (not a Dr.) McElroy talk about the history of medicine and all the weird stuff we did in the past to try to cure people. Sydnee has the most knowledge in this pair and Justin is mostly there to ask questions and make jokes. Very fun tone throughout usually but obviously they take time to talk about more serious stuff. My favourite thing about it is just how much this couple love each other.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Oh No Ross and Carrie: Two friends go out to investigate fringe-science stuff so you don’t have to. They have joined cults including Scientology, have their pets get psychic readings, and try juice cleanses and soylent. I’d recommend any episode that covers something that you’re interested in! Episodes are typically 40-60 mins.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Comedy

My Brother My Brother and Me (MBMBAM): The same 3 brothers from the Adventure Zone. Justin, Travis, and Griffin have been making this podcast since 2010 and they give “advice” but mostly just laugh at their own jokes. They answer a lot of Yahoo questions, you know the type. Here’s a taster for their type of humor. They also have a new TV show, and the first episode is available for free, which can help you put a face to the name/voice. They’re never rude or mean but can be very dirty boys so don’t listen w/out headphones. Also probably in public with headphones cuz u will laugh out loud for SURE.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Dynamic Banter: Two dudes talk who also mostly just laugh at their own jokes. They like movies a lot. Here’s a 8 min clip where they talk about alternate titles for Tom Hanks’s classic film Big. Episodes are usually about an hour long. 

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

It Feels Like the First Time: Three guys are watching Lost, the 2004-2010 TV show about people who crashes on a ~weird island~. If were planning to watch/rewatch Lost and want to listen to more than 1 hour of three guys making jokes about the show then you should listen to this podcast. As of August 2017 they’re halfway through the final season, so there’s plenty of content for you to catch up on. This podcast comes out weekly and talk about 2 episodes of the show at a time. 

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

The Mortified Podcast: People read their childhood/teenage diaries outloud in front of a crowd. It’s embarrassing and cringe-y and hilarious and relatable and will make you more empathetic to your younger self and the kids and teens in your life because it’s hard out there. Episodes are about 25-35 mins long, usually featuring 2 different diary reads on a similar topic, like Prom or Summer Vacation.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Miscellaneous 

Terrible, Thanks for Asking: Nora McInerny is the host of this podcast. It’s about how terrible things are sometimes in life. Nora and guests just talk about the horrible things that have happened to them, like death of loved ones, abuse, mental illness, etc. Obviously, it’s not a casual, feel good listen, it is not for everyone and I would advise some people to not listen to this ever, but it’s emotional and raw and important. The episodes are 40ish minutes long.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Nancy: This is a relatively new podcast, as of August 2017 there are 19 episodes. It’s about the LGBTQ+ community and issues, hosted by Kathy Tu and Tobin Low. The first episode, for example, is about Kathy’s coming out story, and how she needs to constantly come out to her mother who isn’t listening to her. These two hosts are really fun, and so are their guests, and i’m sure that LGBTQ+ listeners will relate to their conversations.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Strangers: Podcast host Lea Thau tells stories about strangers. Or at least they’re strangers to you. It’s not as depressing as “Terrible Thanks for Asking”... usually. Episodes are anywhere between 20 and 50 minutes. Her “Love Hurts” series might be a good place to start, although it isn’t her typical episode structure, but it’s all about her interviewing exes about why they didn’t work out. This podcast is usually good about content warnings.

[Website] [Soundcloud] and in iTunes Store.

Mystery Show: Podcast host Starlee Kine solves weird mysteries like what is Jake Gyllenhaal’s real height, or a video rental store that disappeared in 1 day, or the owner of a really really cool belt buckle found on the ground years ago. There’s only 6 episodes, and there won’t be more. They’re between 25 and 70 minutes long.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Harry Potter and the Sacred Text: The tagline for this is “What if we read the books we love as if they were sacred texts?”. Hosts Vanessa Zoltan and Casper ter Kuile discuss one chapter of Harry Potter per episode, and analyse it using techniques usually reserved for religious texts. The hosts are Religious and Divinity scholars. Episodes are half an hour long, and as of June 2017 they are about halfway through the Prisoner of Azkaban.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

[swearronchanel]

continuing the hiatus with 4.05

Well I'm here avoiding responsibilities as usual, pretending that I don't have class in the morning or any laundry to do but like I said I've been watching shameless and I need a little wholesome ctm to balance it out lol & @ilovemushystuff recommended I watch 4.05 *thank u 😌*but let us go on this journey together 🙃...

the clothes lines remind me of home bc we don't have a dryer in our apartment haha & when it's cold out my mom hangs everything up around the house it's a hilarious nyc struggle lol

my bby shelagh!! 💕 so precious pushing the pram! omg we get to see this again next series *hopefully* with unnamed baby turner 😭!!

aw I miss summer!! I love being out in the summer *plus my birthday is in August*🙃

Ahh aren't we glad Shelagh got new dresses, cause I'm not feeling this one lol

Jenny Agutter's smile w/ her eyebrows raised >>, am I right

Wait this is the osteogenesis imperfecta case right ??

Laura looking angelic but that is not at all new, I just have to always mention it

Now all I can do is stare at her hair bc of this debate earlier 😂 what color?? 

but damn I don't like this dress either I forgot how disrespectful the costume designers were in series 4😂😂

Patrick grabbing her hand saying thank you ugh so pure 😭😢

"Two weeks in Lyme Regis does sound nice" ugh Shelagh's so adorable but LETS HERE IT FOR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT™ BC SHE DIDN'T EVEN REALLY ASK TO GO ON  HOLIDAY EVEN THOUGH SHE OBVIOUSLY WANTED TO & IN THE NEXT SERIES SHE PLANNED THE WHOLE DAMN TRIP WITHOUT TELLING HIM👏🏼 LOVE IT lol even though camping was a disaster

It's been 3 fucking mins and look at all the shit I've said wow I hate me

Pats and Trix!! I miss their friendship

Haha omg this is right after Trixie and Tom broke up #awkward

"Wild peach, isn't it glorious?" I love my other bby trixie. We are so similar but she's better 💕

PHYLLIS OUT HERE YES

"Roasted like a Sunday dinner" LMAO

aw this is the episode with the Sylheti mum, here's some quality early Babs

SISTER E 😭😭😭 I miss her aww

Omg &Sister Mary Cynthia! she just became a nun aw I miss her being so happy 💔 I hope she's in the Christmas special or Series 7 Premiere

"Ready?" ugh I just think of all the times we're heard that, like Trixie asking Shelagh when she was about to get married *hello my two favs interacting its iconic for me* or when Trixie told Sister MC off she wanted to ask her if she was ready when she went to become a postulant like if she was getting married,  my heart 😭 UPDATE: I made a post about it

speaking of my gal Beatrix here she is again

I want to be that platinum blonde tbh

Sister Julienne saying "little man" yes I'm here for this such thing

little Raymond like ST Raymond or the baby that was left on the steps .. wait what happened to him? I forgot lol it's been a while

I do not like Sister Mj's absence

but yes her nephew! Did he just like stop picking her up??

Aw Trixie wanted to hug sister MC I can tell, nuns can hug though why didn't she?

we were robbed of a cute sister MC & sister W young- nun dynamic duo

but I like sister Winifred so much more now she's lowkey golden

Diphtheria yikes

LMAO FRED HAS A DU RAG ON ??

I forgot that the old nurses uniforms were so washed out looking

sweetie, if a ANGLICAN NUN is telling you the baby needs more than prayer wouldn't you believe it ??

like wtf is Christian scientist anyway, yo no se

lol calm down Barbara that's a lot to translate

woah Pat's looks hella good with her hair like that 😍

my bby Trixie serving looks but is heartbroken 😍😢💔

THE PICTURE OF HER AND CYNTHIA!! THAT IS NOW ON HER VANITY MIRROR !! MY H E A R T

*twerks to the bicycle song*

"She says where he goes, we go - even the moon" ahh again my heart!! & it's so similar to what shelagh said in the last Christmas special 😭💕 *i think it was a bible reference but I can't remember bc my memory is fuzzy from being a reckless heathen* jk jk😂

How does a faja type belt help her?

I initially really liked Trixie and Tom but I'm so glad they found better matches

yo I'd be shook though if my baby's bones kept breaking and I didn't know why omg

The nurses being cute eating popsicles outside lol

aw wait Fred and Violet weren't together yet here, they're so cute haha

again so wild, like imagine no one knowing what your baby is hurt and no one believing that you didn't abuse your child?! I cNt

so scary

Ameerah is so pretty & how sweet omg she brought Babs a dish. She misses having girl friends omg!

The Poor Pentergasts

I feel you Mrs ^, I scream into my hands at least 3x a day *for obvs diff reasons*

Baby Angela💕💕 so precious

aw Patrick & Shelagh😭 but now that shelagh's been on her nightie game this blue nightgown should finally go #hereforthebrinylon™

Shit now Patrick is going to realize and blame himself

let Patrick not feel guilty for anything in series 7, cut this guy a break pls

osteogenesis imperfecta yup I remembered ✔️ well I remember watching this with my mom & her calling if before they knew it and I was annoyed bc She can't just watch she always has to be a nurse & put her opinion out there😂 like we watched the finale yesterday and I thought there'd be some suspense but nah she knew the pill gave her a deadly blood clot😒she was surprised they killed the first women described it to though

Shelagh's face while Patrick gets in the ambulance 😭💔

I miss the nuns singing !! mainly miss Laura singing but still!! it's very peaceful you feel?? let me hear some hymns

I feel you Patrick, you smoke that cig

Alright damn Mr Pentergast, I feel your anger but wtf were they supposed to think??

I get anxious watching Patrick be anxious tbh omg xzjkalsfo

the way he fidgets the pen so relatable

Shelagh kissing him on the forehead and the cheek 😢😭💔💕melts my cold little heart

"I don't want my Geraldine being seen by the receptionist" fuck u lady she's the best damn nurse out here Lmaoo

But seriously did everyone just forget she was a nurse/midwife when she was a nun? it has only been like a year since she left and got married so I wouldn’t think people would forget just yet but maybe? wtf lol. I feel like their story was such gossip that it'd be unforgettable? that's just me Lmaoo

Go get that uniform Shelagh!!!

she's so patient, dios te bendiga. She’s too good.

my angry self would've been like "do 👏🏼 ya👏🏼not👏🏼get👏🏼that👏🏼I 👏🏼was👏🏼 a nurse 👏🏼and 👏🏼delivered 👏🏼like 👏🏼half 👏🏼of 👏🏼your👏🏼 gremlin 👏🏼 children?!" Or "you don't want me to help? Okay there's the door, don't let it hit you on the way out"!

SHE'S GETTING THE UNIFORM PEOPLE

okay I don't think I've ever thought about it until now but Shelagh talks about Patrick's war neurosis with Sister Julienne like she already knew?? I bet Shelagh went to her after the adoption interview 😭

ugh I love their friendship/relationship it's so pure

This whole show is so pure! how can it remind you of the darkness in the world while still giving you faith in humanity??  There's nothing like it

I told you I caught my mom up with series 6 & she was just like "I can't believe we have to wait so long. Why can't America make a show as great as this?"

I then said "I know I have like no reason to live until Christmas" but she said i was being dramatic oops

*cue in the mirror*✨

SHE'S PUTTING ON THE UNIFORM PEOPLE THIS IS NOT A DRILL

you guys don't get how happy this made me when I first saw it omg, I was so tired of seeing her sad/upset and lost and distressed and everything but happy but THEN SHE PUT THE UNIFORM ON AND THE LITTLE HAT AND LOOKED IN THE DAMN MIRROR WITH HER MILLON DOLLAR SMILE AND I WANTED TO COMBUST I WAS SO HAPPY I WAS IN TEARS😭😭💖💖

SHELAGH TURNER DESERVES THE WORLD AND MORE, I WILL ALLOW NO ONE TO DISAGREE

AND IF U DO WE CAN FIGHT RN

I'm so proud of how far my bby has come ugh I can't deal

It's 1am why am I being a little emotional bitch™ ?? Ugh I just love this character

I'd fight for Shealgh or Trixie/ Laura and Helen in real life. They are gifts we don't deserve

BUT ALSO, YOU MEAN TO TELL ME ALL THESE PEOPLE DIDNT BELIEVE SHE WAS A NURSE & THEN SAW HER IN A NURSE UNIFORM THE NEXT TIME AND QUESTIONED NOTHING???

Like I know it wasn't the same people but still word gets around?

Shelagh and Tim's hug aww

Can we pls see a cute moment between them? We were played with that hospital scene in 6.4 bc it was like 2 seconds long

Patrick's pyjamas though >

the flat filled with things from patients is so sweet aww

How did no one else in Ameera's house get sick though?

Angela looking so adorable wow what a pretty baby

the real million $ question is, will we ever see Mrs B? Probs not Lmaoo

Still waiting for the day Timothy Turner has an angsty teen moment bc his unrealistic perfect child-ness has been going on too long

Disregarding that time he was mean to Shelagh in series 3, I won't forget it bc I wanted to smack him 😂👋🏼

*shelagh voice* Dr Turner's back to save poplar from ill health and disease

THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SHELAGH WHEN HE REALIZES IT WAS HER IN THE NURSES UNIFORM

ALSO I'm sure he realized a kink he didn't know he had lol 😭😂

tracheotomy 😬 how do they make it look so real ahhh!? wild

"..Because I have you" BYEEEE 😭😭💖💔💔💔 my heart melted into a puddle & I can no longer live

the first kiss that you can't even see !! But still it took a season & a half for the married couple to kiss!😂

Ok shh Vanessa is gonna say something profound I must hear

Who tf am i talking to? I'm losing my damn marbles

And yes that's a Hook reference

"Humanity is fragile and all the sunshine in the world can't save the frail or make the delicate invincible but love has the power to strengthen and protect and guide us to a place where we feel sheltered and fulfilled. Where it doesn't matter if it rains for we are home and dry"

UGH SUCH GOLD!!!

And Shelagh holding Angela next to Ameerah and her new baby, my heart!!

such an amazing show

The End.. until next time..

[sensitivitysensitivity]

books i read summer 2018!

so, here’s all of the books that i read over the time of like, end of may to august, including my star rating as well as a short synopsis and a brief little paragraph about what i thought about it while i watch comedians in cars getting coffee. don’t read my reviews if you don’t want ANY spoilers. the reviews aren’t spoilery, it just has some hints to the end and such. 

i. the hate u give by angie thomas

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

the hate u give is about a young african american girl named starr who is present when her childhood best friend is tragically murdered in an unwarranted act of police brutality, and how she finds her voice and the strength to speak out about the matter of police brutality with the support of her family and friends, as well as finding out who her real supporters are.

i adored this book with every last bit of my heart. the characters are absolutely hysterical, as well as strong and inspiring. i even loved starr’s stereotypical white boyfriend (who is being played by KJ Apa in the film adaption coming out this year and i literally yelled). i loved the way the book incorporated social media and such without making it seem as if teenagers are simply media obsessed. it really showed many different perspectives and sides to arguments that make you think, as well as inspire you to stand up for something you believe in.

ii. emergency contact by mary h.k choi

★ ★ ★ ☆ ☆

emergency contact follows two college students who are seemingly lost in life, dealing with issues in their respective lives, who meet under strange and awkward circumstances, and take a liking to one another and start a friendship that consists almost entirely of text messages as they help one another through their woes of life, and develop feelings for one another cause yanno its a YA romance.

i didn’t NOT enjoy this book, but it wasn’t my favorite. i found penny’s character kind of annoying, and really rude sometimes, and i didn’t really love her dynamic with any of the characters, including sam who is the guy she is texting throughout the book. i really liked how realistic it was, kind of giving a real look into how life works i guess? i thought sam’s storyline with his ex girlfriend was incredibly dramatic and unneeded and it frustrated me, and the end of the story literally wasn’t affected at all by that storyline, it was just not needed. at all. like the ending was like cute and sam was cool but it was just kinda not as good as everyone online said it was. if it would’ve ended differently it would’ve gotten two stars lol.

iii. every day by david levithan

★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

every day is the story of a genderless character that goes by the name of a, who jumps around from body to body every day into the life of somebody else, but they meet a girl, rhiannon, while in someone else’s life and they fall in love with her, and they then spend every day finding ways back to her

that was real hard to explain okay, but i really, really enjoyed this book. i found some aspects a little repetitive and it took some time to get to the point, but it was such a sweet story, and i loved getting to know each of the characters that a used as a host, and i enjoyed figuring out which characters that i liked more. i also liked the slight thrill of the kid who is trying to get a caught, as well as the ‘reverend’ who has the same condition as a, but learns to control it. i usually don’t like an open ending, but i liked this one since it implies a goes away to find out how to control himself and get back to rhiannon. overall i enjoyed it, and it was fun to read and get to know the characters, but i gained nothing from reading it because the ending was open and it felt like there was no actual point. i don’t know it was good.

iv. play me backwards by adam selzer

★ ★ ☆ ☆ ☆

play me backwards is a really freaking weird story about the misadventures of leon who finds out his childhood girlfriend is possibly going to come visit, and is pushed down a rabbit hole of weird tasks he is sent to do by his best friend stan, who apparently is actually satan, such as finding the white grape slushee, date a popular girl, and listen to the full audio book of moby dick, all the while spending almost all of his time at the run down ice cream shop he works at. honestly that’s the best i can do the book is super freaking strange?

the weird thing about this book is that i actually really enjoyed reading it, and i actually really liked the character of leon, but i genuinely had no idea what the hell was going on the entire time. he was just kind of running around, like messing around with his girlfriend he didn’t like, thinking about some british girl, and being a lowkey satanist. like i have no idea what the point was, i honestly don’t even know what it was about. leon was a relatable character and he was funny, and i enjoyed his point of view, but the book was bad. the idea sucked and i felt like i was wasting my time reading it. but i had a fictional crush on leon and the ending like kinda forced itself into having a point, even though it was a stretch, so two stars only for leon. but i liked it. i don’t know. 

v. eliza and her monsters by francesca zappia

★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

eliza and her monsters is about a young girl, eliza, who writes/draws a world renound web comic, monstrous sea, but remains completely anonymous except to her three best online friends and her family, but then she befriends the new student at school, wallace, and she finds out he is that he is the most popular fanfiction writer for her webcomic, she finds it harder and harder to keep her secret as she falls in love. 

so i read this book in ONE NIGHT. it was really good, and never failed to entertain me. i couldn’t blame eliza for falling in love with wallace cause girl i did too. he was such a cute character and so were her internet friends, and so were all the characters and i loved reading all of the little snipits of the webcomic, it was just adorable, and their love was adorable, and it was just adorable. plus it really puts a nice look on mental illness, and im not talking about eliza, wallace had extreme anxiety and it was very real and i really appreciated it. took away a star because eliza pissed me off on multiple occasions and i found her annoying a lot. other than that rEally great. 

vi. i’ll give you the sun by jandy nelson

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

i’ll give you the sun is told from the perspective of twins noah and jude during two very separate periods of time in their lives, jude telling her story at age sixteen and noah at age thirteen, as they go through life, and falling in love, and family secrets and tragedies as the grow apart and back together.

okay so i didn’t know how to explain this without spoiling it completely, but WOW i loved this book. i genuinely couldn’t decide if i liked noah or jude’s story better, and finally decided on the answer being BOTH. it was so good, so emotional, noah and brian made me sob and so did jude and oliver, and i loved the characters and all the revelations they had and im just rambling and i feel like im making no sense but jesus, this book was amazing and the story was just so absolutely amazing. not a single flaw in this book. absolutely amazing OH ! MY ? GOD! absolute favorite of the summer.

vii. the absolutely true diary of a part time indian by sherman alexie

★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

the absolutely true diary of a part time indian is the critically acclaimed novel about a teenage boy, junior, who had many medical issues who lives in an indian reservation, but decides that he is destined for greater things and decides to transfer to the “white school”, and he faces many challenges such as finding his place at this school and the backlash of the other members of the reservation. 

it was very difficult for me to like this book, at first because of the fact that i read it for school, but then ONLY for the fact that i found out about the sexual assault charges against the author, and im so upset i bought the book and essentially supported the author before i was aware olf that, but that doesn’t change that i had to read this for school, and that i actually liked it. it was very aware of racism and a lot of racial stereotypes and provided very raw experiences and the drawings were fun to read. i don’t really wanna go on cause i don’t wanna praise it too much, but i took away a star cause sometimes i found it repetitive and some things simply didn’t have a point, but i liked it. 

viii. a semi-definitive list of worst nightmares by krystal sutherland

★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

this book tells the odd story of esther solar, who believes her whole family is cursed by Death, and whatever fear that cripples them throughout life will kill them. but the curse is threatening the life of her twin brother, eugene, she decides to face every fear she has written down on her list of things she must avoid so she never has to face the curse herself, with the help of an unlikely friend, to lure Death to them and reverse the curse. 

so that summary probably little to no sense at all. because the book itself is so difficult to explain, but i actually really enjoyed it. it took me a while to read it, but i loved it. esther was a real character, with so many real flaws, and her ‘friend’ jonah who helped her overcome all of her fears, really brought out the best parts of her, as well as bringing light to the nature of abuse. the book dealt with a lot of real problems, such as mental illness, and does it in such a lovely and sensitive way, but without holding back, as well as showing someone who seemingly had no hope, get better, which i find amazing. the only reason i took a star away was because so many parts dragged on and i got bored sometimes, but overall, it was a great read with so many great characters and it was very whimsical and enjoyable!

ix. crazy rich asians by kevin kwan

★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

crazy rich asians follows rachel chu and her boyfriend nick young as he brings her home to his ‘crazy rich’ family that he hasn’t prepared her for at all, and essentially don’t approve of her, as well as it follows everyone in nick’s extended and immediate family as well as some family friends and their extravagant lifestyles as well as all the drama that comes with being that freaking rich. 

okay i adore this book. it was absolutely amazing, and i could barely begin to tell you all of the amazing characters and storylines, each one more interesting and intricate and extravagant than the next. i loved the representation, and accurate representation at that, of the asian culture. it was just great. other than being somewhat hard to follow at times with the constant perspective change, i loved it. the movie was rlly good too lol. 

x. the kissing booth by beth reekles

★ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

the kissing booth is the absolutely dreadful story of a young girl, elle evans, and her best friend, lee flynn, as they plan a kissing booth for their high schools fundraiser (for what? i have no clue) and elle ends up kissing her best friends older brother, noah flynn, and by a strange turn of events they fall into a forbidden (because lee makes the rules ig) romance. 

really ended off the summer GREAT with this one! it sucked, it was horrible. there were actual, typos? in the book? it was incredibly sexist, literally making elle seem like a piece of property, and theres MULTIPLE occasions of sexual assault that is glossed over. in fact, the best friend lee assaults her (slapping her butt without permission) and when someone ELSE assaults her he says “no one is allowed to do that but me” thats reason ENOUGH. it’s gross how they both try and control her, and its honestly just bad. the story is all over the place, and it feels like a wattpad book, because it literally is, and i payed six dollars for it. so the jokes on me ig. 

[whilejoysleeps]

24 august 2018

Happened to browse through an update from u on instagram just before going to bed.

The photo of you and your family on your sisters graduation. Just a glimpse at u could cause me to have a dream about you.

I’ve realized, even after these years, you still affect me a lot.

I wonder if it’s cause I still have feelings? Or am i just healing too slowly? Could all these be caused by the closure I did not get? The answers I did not receive? Will my heart ever heal from this episode.

Why .... why does it still affect me so much... I want to move on.... I wish I could forget. Sigh.

The waking up in disappointment and hurt was so real....

So... here’s what went down. The status was as is today.

You are single. Your ex was her and your ex ex was me.

& Im attached.

We all go to this gathering where it was the first time seeing in person ur ex. I’m assuming things were awkward between you both. I’m assuming that you guys had to break up for certain reasons. Maybe even cause of differences. I’m assuming that the break up was fresh and that you still had feelings for her. But I wanted to find out, if u also still had feelings for me, because of what we shared.

I really wanted to know if you loved her more than you loved me. This intention I could tell from my dream.

We were all in a room, I went up to approach her. Tho the person I approached did not look like ur real ex, the person I approached In my dream did not go by the name Mandy. Also did not go by the looks of Mandy. The person that represented Mandy in ur dreams was really friendly looking. Perhaps I had hé impression of the (terrace house new Philippine girl)

So we had our talks and she was admirable. At that moment I realize why u fell for her. And I lost all hate towards this person. I felt that this person did deserve you. And I dropped my anger and accepted the loss I had.. she then went on to catch up with her other friends while I went to approach u.

I casually said. ‘She’s lovely...’ and hé just smiled. The way he looked at her was as if they had to break up for a reason that they didn’t want. I could tell that it wasn’t an angry breakup like ours. But it was because of the years after. That I could speak to him again.

So I got to warm up to him and catch up a bit more

About his life. While I briefly shared about mine. Shortly after it was late and it was time to crash.

Somehow the area linked back to the jumbo apartment back in woodlands. I had to sleep with her in my brothers room while u slept in mine.

She soon fell asleep while I sneaked over to check on you. You weren’t asleep. You were awake and just browsing.

‘CAn i come in?’ ‘Yea sure’ as he naturally shifts himself to one side of the bed and signals me to come in.

I was a loser. I felt relieved that he was this friendly and welcoming. I felt that he was still nice. And deep down I know that really wanted to get close to him just cause I could. Or maybe I just wanted to find out if he could be closer to me or her after a break up. End of the day I just wanted to know if he loved me more.....

Was this dream series all triggered by the questions I have for him? Sigh.

(Anyway I missed out a situation earlier before we went to bed)

You me eddy were driving ... this drive took place in France. We had a driver and got lost. And somehow u remembered the route back to my place. Although we still ended up lost but not far from my place, I was pleased that you remembered this from this period. ‘Oh turn left here! I rmb this place, we walked back here after dinner before’ I was like yes! I rmb too! And we were both laughing ... in front of eddy who was witnessing everything but did not say a word. I can imagine what he must have felt. But the fact that he loves me and knows me so well he wanted me to have this moment :’(

Tbh wen probably only had the pure impression of the place not so much the memory parked behind the place. But even that made me happy inside. Is this why I was so in denial during my whole relationship? Was I such a loser sucker ? Was I loving too hard?! Sigh.

Ok so back to the bed. I laid next to him. Back against the wall. And told him I was surprised he knew the way back. He said it was just obvious. At this point he was just very objectively replying. And I couldn’t get into him. I felt like a stranger trying. It’s a familiar feeling. I also mentioned to him about eddy. I told him I was so happy at that point when we went back to a place we shared mêmories tgt but having eddy witness that must have been so hard. He agreed. He said it must have been hard for u. He was much softer by this point. I told him

That I am much happier now. And that I’m very blessed with this relationship. He takes such good care of me.

He knods. And is happy for me.

At this point as we talk , whatever wen was saying there was an echo. Someone was repeating the words from a distance. He got agitated and started to shout words, and the same voice repeated. Then I rmbed that these kind of things happen back at the jumbo. I was not comfortable in my own home. I’m more comfortable here in yishun.

Ok anyway wen went to the other side of the house towards the voice. He opened up the closet in the study room and found a scary looking Indian kid with huge eyes and ragged red tee shirt. The kid was shocked but at the same time smiling very creepily. And lept for the chute. And dissappeared. Wen was kind of grossed out and annoyed he stomped back into the room, I asked if he was alright, he said it was hot. So I helped turned on the aircon but it was not working. So I offered him to come over to our side. Where his ex was too. The bed was big. She was on the left I was supposed to be on the right. I was hoping that he would sleep on the right so id be in the middle to separate them but soon as he went in he slept right next to her.

She woke up. And asked what happened , ever so softly. He just burrowed his head into her while she sat up and comforted him.

It was a scene I did not want to look at at all. It hurt me looking at them being intimate. I had all these questions like . If things go wrong he’d look for her still instead of me.

Their relationship was short but did he love her more than he loved me over the 6 years. Does time not matter? Or was it the way the relationship was ended. She had it better ? Or was it cause I had a boyfriend now?

I DONT KNOW. I just really don’t know why I had this dream. Why did I have all these feelings attached. Why was the sernario liek this. Why was there so much assumption. Why did he seem to not acknowledge me. Why do I have to feel this hurt all over again.

That it was only me who felt the most out of our relationship. I yearned everything that she had. I built u up so that someone else could have u.

Maybe I’m just mad maybe I’m just jealous maybe I’m still hurting just cause I can’t get over it.

I don’t want to believe that I have still feelings. I really know that it’s just my heart that never got to heal.

I DONT NEED OR DESERVE THIS. I feel terrible. I feel terrible in my head and in my heart. I feel bad for eddy.