#And you know they’re never gonna be seen or spoken about ever again

[survivinglifesstruggles]

Your daily reminder that we were robbed of the Four Storms - Cassandra, Maris, Ellyn, & Floris Baratheon - and witnessing their dynamic by how they interacted with Aemond and Lucerys.

You hear me, ROBBED.

[imaginespazzi]

This Little Love of Ours

Three times Paige and Azzi didn't go on a date and the one time they did

(In which an alternate universe writer finally returns to writing things in the real universe)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Fluff and Angst

Words: 5.4K (sighs in *this was meant to be 2K* words)

TW: Light swearing, alludes to sexual content

A/N: Hi lovelies, I'm backkkk!! Gonna keep this short and sweet but this is basically me combining a bunch of prompts/requests into one. There's some creative liberty taken with logistics and as per usual, the editing exists but so do my typos. As always, let me know what you liked and what you didn't, as well as anything you'd like to see going foreward. Happy Juneteenth and I hope y'all have a lovely rest of your week <3

we were just kids (when we fell in love)

The streets of Minsk, Belarus are bursting with light and colour, the summer breeze enveloping the two girls walking riverside as they giggle over everything and nothing. They’re breaking curfew plus a hundred other rules right now and if one of their coaches ever found out, they’d be as good as dead. But there’s something about being out in the open with Azzi, being able to delicately brush palms and not worry about her jolting away in fear of being seen, that has Paige ready to be reckless. 

It’s been a year of learning Azzi, a year of discovering the little things that make her smile, a year of memorising the intricate stories that make her who she is. And Paige hides all these little details in a little treasure chest in the corner of her heart, bringing them out like little drops of lights when Azzi’s not by her side, and the darkness feels all-consuming. The thing is, Paige has never been attached to someone like this before, never felt like there was another half she needed to feel whole. She’d been an independent child, walls of steel barricading anyone from getting a glimpse into her vulnerability. For a long time, she’d been fine just living in the façade of being fine. But then she’d met Azzi. And all the walls had gone crashing down and it was okay not to be okay, because now while she held the weight of world, there was somebody there to hold her too. 

“Paigeeee,” Azzi squeals with delight, eyes fixated on a van across the road, “there’s an ice cream truck.”

Paige doesn’t get time to react before she’s being pulled along, the wind tornadoing around her body. And yet she feels warm and fuzzy inside, like there’s a blanket with Azzi’s name knitted into it, wrapped around her heart. 

“I’ll have the strawberry please,” Azzi smiles politely at the ice cream vendor, eyes sparkling with excitement, “P what are you getting?”

Paige grins, knowing her order is about to earn her a patented eye roll, “I’ll have the mint choc chip please.”

“You’re so weird,” the younger girl scrunches up her face and Paige suddenly has the urge to kiss her nose. 

They both know that they’re living inbetween blurred lines, on a trapeze balanced between friends and something more. It had been a whispered conversation of have you ever kissed a girl? do you wanna kiss a girl? do you wanna kiss me? that had led to a kiss Paige swears can never be topped, but they hadn’t spoken about it again. With them living in separate states, it had been easy to ignore that, that had ever even happened, both of them skilled players at the game of pretend. But it’s different now they’re back in each other’s orbit and every touch seems to linger on Paige’s skin long after Azzi’s hands have left her own. 

“You have no taste. It’s sooooo good,” Paige chides, making a show of licking her ice cream. When she looks at Azzi, she’s not expecting the way the shooting guard’s eyes have glazed over, fixated on Paige’s lips as she swallows nervously. An unfamiliar shiver tickles down Paige’s skin as they stand in silence, the air thick with a new tension. 

“It’s green,” Azzi says finally, voice coming out breathless, “that’s enough for me to know it tastes bad.”

“Don’t knock it til you taste it,” the blond holds out her cone as an invitation. 

When Azzi steps into Paige space, much closer than needed, she’s expecting Azzi to take the cone. She’s expecting that familiar jolt of electricity when their hands accidentally brush. Instead she feels herself being  mesmerised by Azzi’s face getting closer and closer til she can feel the younger girl’s breath fanning her face. She gulps, as Azzi presses her lips to the corner of Paige’s mouth, tongue darting out for the briefest of seconds before she’s pulling away. And despite the cool of the ice cream, every part of Paige feels like it’s burning. 

“I was wrong. Guess it tastes pretty good,” Azzi whispers, biting her lip. 

“You-I-what-” Paige splutters, struggling to form a coherent thought. 

Azzi giggles, clearly proud of herself  “Paige Bueckers speechless? Who thought I’d ever see the day?”

“You’re a fucking menace.”

“And proud of it.”

There’s the clichéd spring in Paige’s step as they continue to walk by the river. She shifts her ice cream cone to her left hand, letting the other one entangle with Azzi’s fingers. It’s nothing, the most mundane of things to hold her best friend’s hand, but it feels exhilarating, like it’s the start of something special. Determined, she tugs on Azzi’s hand to pull them to a stop. The Minsk waterfront dazzles behind them but Paige swears nothing’s glowing brighter than two of them in this moment. 

“Why are we stopping?” Azzi asks, eyebrows raised quizzically. 

Paige smirks, a new surge of confidence taking birth in her stomach, “I wanted to try your ice cream too. You got a taste of mine, it’s only fair I get a taste of yours.” 

“Is that so?” Azzi hums, pressing herself against Paige, “too bad it seems like I’ve finished my cone then.”

“Yeah too fucking bad,” Paige agrees before crashing her lips against Azzi’s. 

***

Paige is exhausted at breakfast the next morning, barely registering the conversations that are buzzing around her. Her eyes are drooping from the lack of sleep and there’s a dull pounding in her head but she has no regrets. Last night had been everything. She can still feel every moment pulsating through her veins, her heart beating to the rhythm of Azzi Azzi Azzi. The younger girl hasn’t appeared for breakfast yet and Paige is itching to see her. They’ve been separated for barely a couple of hours, reluctantly heading to their own rooms after they’d gotten back, and Paige swears she’d missed the girl even in her sleep. 

“You got back late last night,” Cameron teases, sticking out a fork of fruit in Paige’s direction, “you two must have had a good time.”

“Yeah,” there’s a rare shyness in Paige’s tone, “yeah we had a great time.”

“Oooh are we talking about Paige and Azzi’s date last night?” Aliyah cuts in, a smirk playing on her lips. 

“It wasn’t a date,” Paige counters, suddenly feeling oddly defensive “it- it was nothing.”

Cam raises an eyebrow, “it seemed like a date.” 

“Well it wasn’t. It definitely was not a date.”

“You guys heard her,” Azzi's voice makes Paige freeze, something akin to guilt pooling in her stomach, “it definitely was not a date.”

Cam and Aaliyah raise their hands in surrender, turning back to whatever conversation they were engaged in before. Paige gulps as Azzi sits down in the empty spot next to her, body rigid. 

“I didn’t- I didn’t mean it like that-”

“Paige it’s fine. I get it.”

“You- you do?” Paige doesn't entirely know how Azzi can get it, not when Paige doesn’t even really get it herself. 

Azzi shrugs with fake nonchalance, “yeah, yeah I do and it’s okay. You’re right. It wasn’t a date.”

And it wasn’t. At least not by name. Paige knows that. Apparently Azzi knows it too. But everything about that feels wrong. Underneath the table, their hands intertwine subconsciously. Neither of them react. Neither of them pull away. It’s the start of something unspoken, something complicated, something beautiful and fragile and so, so volatile, something that’ll take them years to understand.

2. this all or nothing way of loving (got me sleeping without you)

paige bueckers has posted a new story to her close friends 

Azzi fights the twitch in her hand that wants to reach out and grab her phone when that notification flashes on her screen. She musters up another fake smile at her date, hoping the girl in front of her hasn’t noticed the change in her demeanour. It’s ridiculous the way her body reacts to the most simple things when it comes to Paige. She hates it, hates the way it seems like she has no control over herself when it comes to the blonde. 

“Do you need to get that?” Anika asks, voice sweet as honey as she smiles at Azzi 

“No, no it’s just an insta notification. Nothing important. You were saying,” Azzi brushes it off, trying to keep her voice nonchalant. Anika seems satisfied with that as she returns back to telling Azzi about something her sister had done. Fidgeting in her seat, Azzi tries her hardest to keep her focus on the brunette, but her mind is whirring with curiosity about what Paige might have posted. 

The opportunity presents itself a couple of minutes laters, when Anika slides out of her seat to go to the bathroom. It’s a little embarrassing how quickly Azzi beelines for her phone, clicking on Paige’s story and immediately wishing she hadn’t. Anger and jealousy tighten their grip on her as she’s met with a picture of a caramel skinned, curly haired girl smiling at the camera, staring at Paige behind it, with that oh so familiar look of adoration. The text on the image reads in good company and Azzi feels bile rising up her throat. And she’s not allowed to feel this way, not when she and Paige had both agreed to turn their something into nothing but every day since that decision has felt a little bit like someone twisting a dagger into her heart, piercing further and further until she has no more blood left to bleed. 

She doesn’t notice Anika’s made her way back until she feels a warm hand on her shoulder, looking up to find concerned green eyes staring down at her, “you okay?”

“Yeah,” Azzi nods with a sense of calm she doesn’t feel, “you okay with me showing you off a bit?”

It’s a dangerous game she’s about to play, one of jealous retaliation that she knows will only make her feel better for a brief second before all the pain will flood back. But she reaches for her phone anyways, fighting the voices of logic and reason (that sound oddly similar to Colleen) in her head and instead giving into impulse. Anika beams at the camera, throwing up a peace sign, and Azzi’s heart stutters with guilt at how sincere her smile is. She snaps the picture, captioning it with  date night <3 and clicks post to close friends. Her heart beats erratically as she places her phone back on the table, trying to tune back into Anika’s conversation. It takes approximately three minutes for her phone to flash again.

paige bueckers has posted a new story to her close friends 

This time Azzi doesn’t bother fighting the urge to look, a new adrenaline pumping through her veins. It’s a mirror selfie this time. The girl has her back pressed against Paige’s front as they pose in front of the bathroom mirror. Paige has one hand holding her phone while the other is sprawled against the other girl’s waist, where a silver belly button piercing shimmers against tan skin. There’s no text this time, just a red heart and that Paige-shaped hole in Azzi’s heart is starting to get larger and larger. 

“You wanna take a walk?” Azzi asks Anika, tearing her eyes away from the phone, “it’s nice outside.”

Anika smiles, rising from her seat and holding out a hand that Azzi gladly takes. It would be easier, Azzi thinks, if she could just fall in love with this girl. Someone less complicated, someone who had less power over her, someone who was here. But it’s a futile dream, her heart is spoken for and Azzi doesn’t think she’ll ever get it back. 

It's a beautiful winter night outside and there’s a pretty girl holding her hand. That’s all Azzi should be thinking about. Instead, her mind is stuck on the image from before and it’s that vision, welded behind her eyelids, that has her taking a picture of her and Anika’s intertwined hands. As she types out the caption, one that feels way too deep for a first date, Azzi can’t help but roll her eyes at herself. She can’t remember the last time she’d posted a story, let alone two in a row and now here she is, posting inauthentic story after story to win a losing game. 

paige bueckers has posted a new story to her close friends 

This time there’s at least 10 minutes before Azzi’s phone flashes with that notification again. Next to Azzi, Anika lets out a sigh, starting to become less amiable to the idea of her date constantly checking her phone. Azzi shoots her an apologetic look before her expression quickly turns stone cold at seeing the new picture. It’s a haphazardly taken, slightly pixelated, photo of Paige smiling and the girl kissing her cheek. And if Azzi was in any mood to analyse just a little further she’d notice that Paige’s smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes, isn’t quite as wide as her real one. But there’s green fog clouding her judgement as she seethes internally, Anika’s soft touch doing nothing to calm her down. Tapping on Paige’s profile, Azzi fingers hover over the three dots on the upper left, as her petty side begins to take over. 

And then she hits block. 

***

“How was your date?” Paige’s mocking voice rings throughout Azzi’s childhood bedroom at almost 2 in the morning. She shouldn’t have answered the facetime call, should’ve held out for longer than just three missed calls and twelve angry texts. But Azzi has long realised that she’s putty when it comes to Paige. 

“How’s your girlfriend,” Azzi bites back. 

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Right,” Azzi draws out the word with an eyeroll, “how’s your fuck buddy then?”

Paige closes her eyes, rubbing her temples. When she opens them, the angry hard-to-read Paige that she’s been dealing with for the last month is replaced by Azzi’s soft, sweet and vulnerable Paige. Being apart after having been together all through lockdown has been harder than either of them could have imagined. They’d just assumed it would be easy when Paige finally left for UConn, after all most of their relationship had been built while living in different states. But somewhere in between workouts at 6 am and movie nights with Azzi’s family, they’d gotten used to living in each other’s skin, forgetting just how difficult it was to be apart from each other.  

“I miss you,” Paige whispers, “all the time. I can’t wait til you’re here.”

I miss you too, so much that sometimes it’s the only thing I feel, Azzi thinks and really it’s what she should say, instead the bitterness wins out, “why? So I can see you and that girl being all coupley in person instead of just on instagram?”

“That’s not fair, Azzi. You said you wanted to be just friends for now. You said I should try with other people and now you wanna throw that back in my face?”

“It was mutual-”

“Bullshit,” Paige sneers, “don’t try and put that shit on me. You made the decision and I just went along with it.”

“Well maybe you shouldn’t have then,” Azzi says exasperatedly, blinking her eyes rapidly to keep tears threatening to fall at bay. They fall into silence, staring at each other through the screen with identical expressions of only you can hurt me, only you can heal me. Azzi wishes she could reach through her phone, pull Paige into her world and melt into the older girl.

“What do you want from me Az?” Paige asks softly. 

I just want you, Azzi thinks miserably. She wants to be beg Paige to end things with that other girl, wants Paige to tell her not go on anymore dates, want to go back to being something, but she can’t, not when she’s convinced herself that they need do this, go through a phase of being nothing, so that they can be everything someday. This whole idea had taken birth in her head out of the fear that this- the two of them not knowing anything but each other- would eventually lead to resentment, that they- that Paige- would wake up one day and realise there was so much more the world had to offer. So now Azzi’s playing the long game, trying to believe in the clichéd year old adage that you have to let the people you love go, and if they come back, they’re yours. And she hopes against hope that Paige will come back, because Azzi doesn't think she’ll survive anything else. 

“I’m sorry,” Azzi whispers, instead of voice the other thoughts dancing on the tip of her tongue, “I’m sorry I’m being unfair.”

Paige’s eyes soften, “can we just- can we just talk about something else?”

And they do. They talk all night about everything and nothing, falling asleep to the sound of each other’s breathing. It’s that same nightly routine neither of them can fall asleep without. Because even if they’re both drowning in a sea of unspoken words, at least they’re sinking together, perhaps there’s some comfort in that. 

3. you make me smile (please stay for a while now)

Azzi stares at her reflection in the mirror for what feels like the thousandth time. She’s a bundle of nervous energy as she pats down her neatly ironed mini-skirt, adjusting her already perfectly-set crop top. It’s a little bit like how she feels before stepping on the court, dizzy with both nerves and excitement in anticipation. By all technicalities, this isn’t their first date. There’s probably friends and family who would argue this is closer to be their millionth or so date but nothing has ever been official. It just means more. 

She jumps a little when the doorbell rings at exactly 7 p.m. sharp, taking in a deep breath, before she opens the door. Paige stands outside in black pants with a black crop top and a multicolor cardigan, and a bouquet of pink roses in her hands. It takes Azzi about two seconds to realise that something’s wrong. Paige’s eyes are a feverish red and her smile is tired; it’s her all too familiar Paige is sick demeanour that Azzi’s quick to recognize after years of having seen it. The blonde opens her mouth to say something and instead all that comes out is a series of loud sneezes. 

“Oh baby,” Azzi gives her a sympathetic smile, reaching out to feel Paige’s forehead and then narrowing her head when she feels the heat, “P-”

“I’m fine,” Paige cuts her off, her voice gravelly, “just allergies.”

Azzi crosses her arms, knowing she’s about to deal with a petulant child, “I don’t think so. You’re clearly sick.”

“I don’t-,” Paige tries to disguise the cough in between her sentences, “-get sick.”

“Sure you don’t,” Azzi nods, as she tugs Paige inside, grabbing the flowers and setting them aside. Paige lets out grunts of protest, but her body is clearly too tired to fight back as Azzi guides them into her room. She goes into her closet first, finding an oversized shirt for Paige to change into. 

“You know the getting undressed part comes after the date right?” Paige raises an eyebrow, practically glaring at the t-shirt 

“We’re not going on a date.”

“WHAT? Dude I’m fine. I have a reservation and everything,” Paige whines in between coughs as she watches Azzi rummage through her drawers for medication, “it’s our first date. I had plans.”

“I’m not going on a date with you looking all snotty and congested like that.”

Azzi suppresses a laugh at Paige’s offended sequel, “what happened to sickness and health?”

“Pretty sure that’s a marriage thing,” she hands Paige the pills and a glass of water, that the older girl obediently takes.

“Well we’re eventually gonna get married so you need to get used to that,” it’s said so casually, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, but it steals Azzi’s breath away, the words carving themselves into the walls of her heart. Sometimes she wonders if Paige understands the gravity of the things she says, understands how they make every part of Azzi come alive with hope for their future. She shies away from a smirking Paige, trying to hide the blush that’s creeping up her neck. 

“Just- just get changed,” she manages to stutter out. 

“I,” sneeze, “don’t,” cough, “want” sneeze, “to.”

“Paige.”

“Azzi.”

“You have to get better P or coach will kill us both if you end up missing practice.”

“Going on a date with you would make me feel better.”

“Okay,” Azzi sighs, realising she needs to change tactics, “we’ll make a compromise. You’re gonna change-” she raises a hand when Paige tries to interrupt, “you’re gonna change and lie down, and if you don’t fall asleep in the next 10 minutes, we’ll go on the date.”

Paige’s eyebrows furrow in concentration as she mulls it over, before a scheming glint appears in her eyes, “okay but on one condition,” her grabby hands reach for Azzi’s waist, a soft smile playing on her chapped lips, “you have to lie down with me.”

Azzi rolls her eyes fondly, letting the blonde pull her into her arms, her own hands encircling Paige’s back as the older girl snuggles into her neck with a content sigh. This is her happy place. In any room, anywhere, as long as she’s cocooned in Paige’s embrace, there’s a sense of serenity that seems to flood into Azzi’s veins. 

“I could fall asleep here,” Paige murmurs, hot breath fanning against Azzi’s collarbone, “you’re so comfortable.”

Azzi shakes her head, trying to physically manoeuvre Paige onto the bed which only elicits a smirk against her skin. 

“If you wanted me in your bed Az, you could have just asked,” the older girl wiggles her eyebrows, earning her a small push from Azzi as Paige drags them both down into a mess of limbs and pillows. Cerulean blue eyes stare up at Azzi, a little bloodshot from the impending fever, but still blisteringly brilliant with love. It scares Azzi sometimes, to see all that emotion swimming in Paige’s eyes, all for her and it scares her even more to know that same pool of you’re it for me is reflected in her own too. Sometimes she worries they’re too young for this, too young to feel so much but then Paige smiles, and all of Azzi’s doubt flies away as she lets herself believe in forever. 

***

Paige doesn’t even really make it past five minutes, her sick body giving into the tiredness as she cuddles into Azzi, arms splayed over the younger girl's torso, as she keeps her head buried in her shoulder. There’s a content smile on her face as Azzi continues to run her hands through silky blond hair, brushing out tiny knots and waiting a couple of minutes, before she detaches herself from her girlfriend and heads to the kitchen. She’s not the greatest of chefs, but she’d like to think she’s skilled enough to try and make something that at least resembles chicken noodle soup. 

Azzi’s almost done when she feels a blanket being wrapped around her, two arms coming to wrap around her waist as she feels the weight of Paige’s chest pressed against her back, the older girl's head coming to rest in the crook of Azzi’s neck. 

“You’re already awake,” Azzi whispers, leaning her head back so she can brush her lips against Paige’s temple. 

Paige grunts, her voice nasally when she speaks, “you left and I was cold.”

“I have like three blankets on my bed you could’ve used.”

“Don’t wanna use blankets. Wanna use you,” Paige whispers, pressing a kiss to Azzi’s neck, making the younger girl shiver, “you’re much warmer.”

“Go pick out a movie to watch, I’m almost done with this.”

She can’t see it but Azzi can practically feel Paige’s raised eyebrows, as she dramatically sniffs the air, “you cooked? Babe I’m already sick, are you trying to get me sicker?”

“Wow. I slave over the kitchen for you for hours-”

“Maybe half-”

“HOURS! And you have the audacity to question my cooking when all you can make is buffalo chicken dip?”

“Hey, you love my buffalo chicken dip.”

“You keep telling yourself that baby.”

“It’s not nice to be  mean to your sick girlfriend,” Paige snickers as she makes her way to the couch in  Azzi’s room. 

“So you admit you’re sick then?” 

“Only sick to my stomach at whatever you’re gonna feed me.”

Azzi rolls her eyes, pouring the soup into a bowl. She secretly loves when they get like this. It’s a reminder that no matter what other label they eventually put on their relationship, Paige will always be her best friend first. As soon as Azzi sits down on the couch, Paige is all over her, knowing exactly how to shrink her body so that all 6’0 of her fits perfectly on her girlfriend’s lap. This is Azzi’s favourite version of Paige really, the soft vulnerable babygirl that’s only for Azzi’s eyes, a far cry from the ultimate rizzler the rest of the world sees.

“Feed me,” Paige pouts and Azzi shakes her head fondly but does as she’s asked, holding a spoonful of chicken noodle soup in front of Paige’s mouth.

“Thought you were scared of my cooking?”

“Oh I am but the things we do for love,” the blonde says dramatically before letting Azzi feed her, “huh, that’s not half bad baby.”

“High compliments,” Azzi says mock-seriously, as she tries her own spoonful, “oh I kinda ate that.”

They both dissolve into giggles at that, falling into a comfortable conversation as Azzi takes turns feeding both herself and Paige, the dull rumbling of some random movie behind them. 

“You’re always taking care of me,” Paige says softly after a while, hand caressing Azzi’s left arm as she lies against her chest, feeling her heartbeat underneath her fingertips. 

“Someone has to,” Azzi presses her lips to Paige’s hair, “you take care of everyone else and I take care of you.”

“Sorry I ruined our date but trust, I’mma make it up to you,” Paige mumbles sleepily, digging herself further into Azzi’s arms if that’s even possible. 

“I’m sure you will baby.”

“I love you.”

“Love you more P.”

And if in two days, Azzi’s the one that’s sick and Paige’s attempt at making chicken noodle soup goes even worse, well, let’s just say it’s a good thing they have NIL deals and can afford a chef in the future.

4. me i fall in love with you every single day (and i just wanna tell you i am)

“Where are you taking me?” Azzi giggles, hands outstretched as she tries to navigate the path in front of her, despite being blindfolded. The salty sea air brushes through her hair, as she places one foot in front of another, letting Paige’s hands on her waist guide her across the cruise ship. 

“Be patient, we’re almost there,” Paige whispers against her ear, nervous anticipation building in her stomach. She’s been planning this night from the moment they’d booked the cruise tickets, wanting everything to be as near to perfect as possible. The thing is, they’ve been on plenty of dates, some even before they’d officially started calling them dates. But most of those dates have had to be carefully constructed away from prying eyes, their hands itching to hold the others but forced to dangle by their sides so they could keep up a façade in public, that this was just friends hanging out. The cruise is the perfect spot for a private date, one where Paige wouldn’t have to keep her hands to herself, not that she’s done a good job of that the whole trip anyway. But she’s found the perfect secret spot and spent just a little bit of money, to make sure the other cruise goers wouldn’t bother them tonight. 

“Are we there yet?” Azzi whines and Paige can’t help but laugh, finally pulling them to a stop.

“So impatient,” she tuts as she finally pulls away Azzi’s satin pink blindfold. 

“Yes well I’m star-oh…” Azzi blinks, eyes adjusting to the light as they flitter over her surroundings, the words being stolen from her lips as an awed look takes over her features, “Paige.”

“You like?” Paige bites her lips nervously.

“Do I like? Baby, this is beautiful,” tears sparkle in Azzi’s eyes as she loops her arms around Paige’s neck, “it’s perfect.”

They’re standing on the bow of the cruise ship. In the distance, the island they’re docked at, is illuminated by lights, making it shimmer against the dark night sky. A table for two sits at the helm of the ship, adorned in a purple velvet table cloth. There are candles and pink and white rose petals scattered all across the floor, with a small path carved out in between so they can walk to the table. On the table, there’s a customised crystal centrepiece with their names carved into it and inside it is a bouquet made of pictures of them. It’s a little cliché really, especially for two people whose path to each other had been anything but traditional but all Paige has ever wished for is a moment of normalcy with Azzi, a moment where they’re not star players, just two girls in love, enjoying a typical date night, a moment where they’re just PaigeAndAzzi. 

“When did you even have time to plan all of this?” Azzi marvels out loud, as Paige pulls out a chair for her. 

“I have my ways,” the blonde says with a smirk, taking a seat opposite her girlfriend and reaching to entwine their hands together. 

“You didn’t have to do this P.”

Paige shrugs, “I wanted to. We deserve this.”

Azzi nods, squeezing Paige’s hand because god knows they do deserve this. It’s been a hellish year if they’re honest. The highs had been wonderful but the lows, god the lows had felt like the ground being pulled from beneath their feet as they gripped each other, holding onto the only thing in their lives that felt like a reprieve from the darkness that swirled around them. And really that’s it Paige thinks, life can throw whatever it wants at her, but as long as she has Azzi, she’ll learn to survive it. 

“You wanna dance?” Paige asks, when they’ve finally finished eating, somehow managing to find a way to hold hands throughout the whole three course meal. As if on cue, a violin quartet appears onto the deck, and Azzi laughs at the coincidence. It’s Paige’s favourite sound in the whole wide world. 

“You’re such a sap,” Azzi teases fondly as she lets Paige lead them onto the floor, “how many romcoms did you watch to come up with this whole thing?”

“Dude, are you doubting my abilities to come up with a perfect date?”

“I would never,” Azzi swears, leaning her cheek against Paige’s, “but seriously Bueckers, you’ve outdone yourself.”

The melody of “thinking out loud” on the violin with the light thrum of the sounds of the wind and the ocean, creates the perfect orchestra for them to sway to, as they press every inch of themselves into each other, trying to lose themselves in the other’s arm. That feeling of home, a resounding peace, echoes throughout Paige’s skull and she thinks if there was ever a memory she’d want to replay over and over again, it would be this one. 

“I’m gonna miss this,” Paige whispers, “being with you like this?”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“No I know- I just- I like being able to be us in public like we have this last week. I like not pretending.”

“What if-,” Azzi pulls back a little, eyes locking with Paige’s, “what if we didn’t pretend?”

Paige searches for a shred of hesitance in Azzi’s face, but finds nothing but complete resoluteness and a grin breaks out on her own face, “what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that even if we don’t say anything, maybe we don’t have to try and hide everything all the time either. I’m saying,” Azzi bites her lips, shyly smiling, “if you wanna hold my hand when we’re in public sometimes, you- you can if- if you want to.”

“I really, really, really want to,” Paige breathes against the brunette’s lips, hands rubbing circles against her waist. 

“Good,” Azzi whispers back, “because I really, really, really want you to.”

[storagebay29]

james somerton 'apology' video transcript

Note: for those who do not want to watch it. For those who do, here's a link to a reupload as the original has since been deleted. There are a lot of a pauses and 'um's/'uh's, the latter of which are largely ommitted from the below transcript. Posted under a readmore as it's pretty long.

I'm sorry for taking so long to make this video, or to say anything. I'm in the hospital- I've been in the hospital for a little over a week. I tried- Fuck. I tried to do something really stupid... (pause) I'm only here now because before I did it, I called my dad to talk to him one more time and, he figured out something was wrong, called paramedics or 911 or… and they got here and I woke up in the hospital and, yeah.

…

Anyway, I'm not trying to make this a sob story, I'm just trying to explain why I've been so quiet. I had a friend from back home checking my emails and stuff, and yeah.

…

But anyway… I wanna say that I'm really really sorry, really really sorry... for the stuff in the videos, the not crediting people, and for a lot of videos, you know I, I did the opening titles thing, and I tried to put like ‘this is based on X's- this person's research, or on this person's book,’ but I know now that wasn't enough, that wasn't okay. And then there were a lot of times... that uh...  oh god. There were a lot of times that stuff just got put in and there was no attempt at crediting anybody (pause) and I'm really really sorry.

And I'm not, I'm not sorry that I got caught, I'm sorry for ever doing it, I didn't- I honestly honestly... didn't realise that I was hurting people... And now that I know that I was hurting people… I'm just really sorry.

I lost my best friend because of this. Nick and I have been best friends since 2011 or [20]12? We'd been friends online and then. He lived in Ottawa, I moved to Ottawa so we could be, like, friends in person, and then we moved back to- I moved back to Nova Scotia, and Nick came with me. We eventually moved to the Toronto area where we lived together for 7 years? 8 years? We lived together for a really long time… and… he hasn't spoken to me since this happened.

Sorry, sorry I said I wasn't gonna make this a sob sorry. I should’ve got some Kleenex.

Then again I'm really really really sorry for the things I did in the videos: copying people's work and not crediting them properly or at all. I also wanna apologise for the misinformation and just outright lies that ended up in the videos? I didn't- I honestly say that I never intended for any of that stuff to be in the videos, most cases I didn't write it but I should’ve, you know it was my face on the channel, my name on the channel, I should have been, I should have been more diligent about fact checking and stuff. ‘Cause there was a lot of really stupid shit in there. It would’ve- it's just so easy to check, I just never did, I just took it for granted…

I also, I wanna thank Hbomberguy and his team for setting up the fund to make some money available for the authors that were wronged and the journalists and writers and…

I wanna help somehow, I don't know how, a lot of- I've seen a lot of people online saying how much money I apparently make and they’re way overestimating. Beyond the fact that Nick and I split everything 50/50, they're still way overestimating how much money came in… And the Toronto area is expensive, so there's not really any kind of savings, I'm moving home really soon… ‘Cause without Nick there's nothing for me here, and like I said it's really expensive…

And so I wanna say I wanna thank them for setting up that fund, and I wanna help somehow. The only thing I can think of right now is to make the videos, most of the videos public again and every month I can send the ad revenue from all of the past videos- ‘cause there were plenty that didn't have any, any uncredited stuff in them... But I can make them public again, and then every month I can send the AdSense to- either I can send it to Hbomberguy's team, that they can add to the fund, or I can start a fund myself? And every month I can publicly say how much money was made on the AdSense and show it. And send that to the writers and stuff every month. I don't know... what the system for that would be? But I would be more than happy to do that

You know some of the videos like the ‘Killing Stalking’ video brought in like a pretty decent amount of money every month so that would be helpful I think/to them. I'll also put in either the description or the pinned comment the names of the authors so that anyone watching the video knows where all of the information came from, that it wasn’t me going out doing journalism- I never thought that anyone thought that I was doing journalism and stuff, and I don't think anyone did. For the people who actually were doing it should have been given the credit they deserve, they did the hard work, all I did was edit a video. They did the hard work and they- they deserved the credit

(cut) Sorry about that, phone stopped recording.

But- yes. They deserved- they deserved credit, and… when it was something... when it was something like the, the recent... ‘history of hollywood’ videos, right there in the opening credits, I put the Vito Russo's name, that it was adapted from his book ‘The Celluloid Closet’. Same thing went for the gay panic video and the gay holocaust video, they were- the holocaust video was adapted from two books, and the gay panic video was adapted from a lot of journalism, and I- I put their names right at the beginning of the videos.

But and- I understand that's not how citation works... now. I understand that, I get it. And I wanna do better. And I know a lot of people hate me now, ‘cause I did bad shit. But I wanna try and do better. At some point I’d like to make videos again. I'd like to do videos that are fully sourced, where I will put a link to the script where you can find all the sources so that everyone is properly given the credit that they deserve, any the kind of research that's done, credit for any b roll that's used whether it's stock footage, or movies or TV shows or video games, or anything like that, have it all in there. I would like to become a really really good example of giving proper credit to writers and journalists

And I know a lot of you watching this aren't- aren't really gonna care, you'd rather I just disappear. But I would like to try to do better.

I never ever intended to hurt anybody. I never thought that that's what I was doing. Before I went- before I went to the hospital, I read a lot of stuff from people who were really hurt, not just authors and stuff but people who watched my videos who were hurt by stuff in them. People think that I hate ace people and women and bisexual people and lesbians and that's not true. It's really- it's just- it’s not true. And I’m sorry that stuff made it into videos that just shouldn’t have been there: misinformation and lies... But I promise you I did not write that stuff.

I should have been a lot more exacting when Nick and I would be editing scripts but I promise you that those are not- I don't think those things. I specifically want to apologise to asexual people who feel that I just completed delegitimised you. Nick being ace, I- I know that it's kinda like you know, no two gay people are exactly the same, no two ace people are exactly the same, but I kind of, when it came to that I just kind of ran with Nick's judgement and his observations and stuff like that. And I’m not trying to throw Nick under the bus, which a bunch of people are saying that I was setting him up as doing, which is not true…

This whole thing, Nick and I were 50/50 partners, it wasn't I hired him to have a scapegoat or something like that. I never hired Nick. Nick and I were roommates for years before I started doing Youtube videos and then they started- people started watching them and I asked Nick if he wanted to help me write them and he said yes and we started splitting the- first the AdSense and then the Patreon and then the sponsorships, we just split everything. Nick was never supposed to be a fall guy.

I'm sorry. Maybe I should have waited longer to do this. But yeah, I- the- I did not- I don’t think those things and I don't think Nick does either, I think it was just how fast we were writing stuff, and how fast we were putting videos out, it was just too fast. And we weren’t putting the care into them that needed to be put into them.

I've seen a lot of people on social media and other youtubers even lying about me, but other- other- Hbomberguy was not one of them, I just wanna be clear about that, except I was never setting Nick up to be a fall guy and. It was never a grift or anything like that. I swear it was not. It is not.

In the next couple of days, I'm gonna send out a message to the Telos supporters on Indiegogo and explain the whole situation in more detail to them because we were not super clear about everything that was going on with Telos and so I can- I understand if it seems like we weren't doing anything but we were. We were doing a lot of work on Telos. We just weren’t talking about it is because we- we made that initial first announcement for ‘final girl’ and that fell through and I'll explain that to the message I send out to the supporters which I'm sure will end up on reddit or somewhere… And after that we didn't- we didn't want to talk about it too much until we had something really concrete, and I will explain all of that in that message

Telos was and is not a grift. I was never gonna take the money and run. None of the money that came in for telos was ever going to be paying me or Nick. It was going to be paying queer actors and artists, musicians, things like that. And I know there's been lots of talk about budgets and all this stuff, and people saying that I'm really stupid for thinking a movie could be made for that little money, but there are examples of it being done, and I actually do have a work ethic.

Anyway. but yeah. anyway

I do want to keep making videos and I know a lot of you won't watch them and that's- that's fine. But I really liked making videos…

We ended up making a lot of videos we didn't wanna make because people were asking for them, and so there were a lot of videos that we made that we didn't wanna make, and I think those videos are very clear on which ones those were. One of them never got officially released. It was released to patrons, some patrons have shared it to other people before all the videos went private. A lot of people hate the analysis that Nick and I did on it but. And so maybe it's good that that never got properly released, because… maybe it would have hurt people. And I don't want that.

But I do wanna make videos again sometime. I'd love to do like retrospectives on important gay movies. If you watch the channel ‘Be Kind Rewind’ they're an amazing channel that do a lot of retrospectives on older Hollywood movies and I would love to do that for gay movies. A lot of gay movies, people my age and younger have never heard of, things like ‘Torch Song Trilogy’ and ‘Longtime Companion’, and stuff like that, movies from the seventies and eighties and the nineties, things that were like really influential for gay cinema that no one talks about. And you know, I'd like to talk about not just those movies but how they got made and stuff like that. I would love to do something like that.

I swear on my mother's grave that there will be no copying people, no copying pasting. Every source will be cited in a document and on screen. ‘Cause I usually liked doing the research. I loved doing research - reading the books and articles and stuff like that. I- the part of me that was lazy was the copy and paste part. Instead of just putting it into my words and citing them properly and giving them credit… that's where the laziness came in. That was- I wasn't trying to be malicious. That was just laziness. And I promise for anyone who does watch the videos that I make going forward… I promise that will never happen again. I welcome the highest level of scrutiny on the new videos.

…

As for Patreon, I’m going to reactivate it. Because I saw a lot of people on social media saying that I was probably going to reactivate it right on January 1st so that everyone could get a surprise billing and I could take the money and run. And, no. First of all that was never my plan and I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna reactivate it now so that anyone who wants to leave - which I imagine will be the vast majority - can leave and not have to worry about being billed again in January.

… Yeah. So. In closing. I'm again incredibly sorry... And again I'm not sorry because I was caught, I honestly didn't know how much I was hurting people… and how much harm I was bringing to the community, because that's not ever what I intended. I wanted the channel to be a safe place. I spent so much time deleting comments that were hateful

I recently found out that I wasn't being notified about- that I wasn’t seeing comments that were in replies to other comments so there were plenty of hateful comments in the comment section that were plenty hateful that I wasn’t seeing, and I didn't know that. But I wanted the channel to be a safe place and it ended up not being a safe place.

And for the misinformation, that kind of falls into two categories. 1. I did the wrong research in the historical things and other things they're not what I wrote.

Again, thank you to Hbomberguy and his team for making the fund for the writers. I'd like to try to contribute to that somehow so- if- if it's okay to make the videos public and send all of the- public and send all- it won't be all of videos ‘cause some of them had to be taken down because sponsors wanted them taken down, but I can put the videos back up with the sources properly put in either- for the I guess for the videos that would be going up from zero, I could actually put in sources for the videos, which would be good.

I guess I could- For the other ones that would just be made live again, I could put them in a pinned comment. ‘Cause I think people read pinned comments more than they read the descriptions, cause like the descriptions disappear in a lot of places. Something like that. Something so that I can try and- it won't make up for what I did but just. Something.

So I’m really really really sorry. I hurt a lot of people that I really respect and that really sucks. And.  Nick if you're watching this I know you're probably not but I miss you and…

Yeah I want to do better. I want- I want to do better. I want to prove that I can do better. I don't expect anyone to just give me the benefit of the doubt. But I want to show that I can do better, so I hope you'll let me do that.

Again, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry that the things I did- I'm sorry that I disappointed you. I promise going forward I will do better.

Thanks for watching, and...

…

And I’m really sorry.

[bordysbae]

Can I get “don’t feel special that i’m here, my mom made me come.” “mhm, sure.” And “are they fighting again?” “worse, they’re kissing” for Adam Fantilli please and thank you <3

“favor”

adam fantilli x f!reader

not proof read oops

“absolutely not mom! i’m not going to his stupid hockey game!” you roll your eyes. your mom then lets out a huff, “please y/n? just do me one favor. i know you guys haven’t spoken since last year, but please? you don’t even have to talk to him,” your mom begs.

“fine. i’m only doing you a favor because i expect one in return,” you groan, obeying her wish and slipping on your shoes. you guys head towards the hockey rink, where part of the fantilli family would be waiting for you two. “oh y/n hi! it’s been so long!” julia fantilli—your mothers lifelong best friend—pulls you into a hug.

“julia, hi! it’s been too long!” you put on a fake smile. the reason you haven’t seen the fantilli family in so long is because you and adam got in a huge fight last year. everyone knows about it since you and adam were best friends, and it came as a shock to everyone. ever since then you’ve tried your best to avoid any events with the fantilli family. but the only ones you couldn’t get out of were the annual events, such as friendsgiving, christmas, and easter. the fight happened last christmas, when you had left the christmas eve dinner to go hang out with your (now ex) boyfriend. both sets of parents said it was okay, but adam flipped out at you the next day.

you two have barely spoken since.

you still to this day never got a full explanation on why adam freaked out, but you’re still angry. it’s been over a year, yet you two have hardly spoken any words to each other besides things like: “happy thanksgiving” “merry christmas” or even “can i borrow a pencil?”

—

as you walk into the hockey rink, the cool air sends a little chill against your arms. it’s been so long since you went to one of adam’s games that you forgot how cold it can get. you take your spot in the bleachers next to your mom, with giulano on your left.

“so, watcha been up to kid?” he asks, making a little smile appear on your lips. giuliano has always been a second father to you, and julia has been a second mom to you too.

“not much, just thinking about colleges i wanna tour next year. i can’t believe i’m gonna be a junior, i can remember me and adam in kindergarten like it was yesterday,” you chuckle, a somber smile forming at your lips. you dwell on the old memories of you and adam, and you can tell giuliano does the same.

“he misses you, y’know” he says, looking out at the ice waiting for the game to start. suddenly your mouth runs dry, “what?”

“don’t play dumb, i know you heard me. i think you should talk to him,” giuliano shrugs. before you can retort, the team skates out onto the ice, and the starting lineup stands on the ice for the national anthem. as you’re sitting back down, you spot the ‘C’ on luca’s jersey.

“luca’s captain now?!” you exclaim.

“yep! first season as captain, we’re so proud of him!” julia chimes in.

“wow, i really have missed a lot,” you mumble. giuliano turns to you and whispers in your ear, “i told you! you should talk to him, like seriously.”

—

adam scores the winning goal, and you find yourself jumping to your feet and clapping. you catch yourself and stop immediately, but your mom is already sending you a smirk. as the two freshly showered boys exit the locker room, adam’s eyes widen when he sees you.

“y/n, hi,” he awkwardly states

“congrats adam,” you say before immediately going to congratulate luca on becoming captain. julia takes your moms hand and goes to greet some of the other parents, meanwhile luca leaves to fill up his water bottle. leaving you and adam.

“um, is there a restroom anywhere?” you ask shyly.

“yeah, follow me.”

you walk next to adam as he leads you around the corner, to a little area with two unisex restroom. you thank him, but stop in your tracks before opening the door. you turn around and see adam beginning to make a 180, but you stop him.

“adam, i’m sorry,” you say, catching his attention. he turns around with a confused look. “for what?” he asks.

“i don’t know, but i’m sorry. i did something that upset you last year, and i’m sorry. although i don’t know what it is, i apologize. i never wanted to upset you nor did i want us to stop being friends. i miss you adam,” you state.

“no, i’m sorry. i never gave you an explanation on why i got so mad, and i regret that. i miss you too. i got mad because i was jealous. you and jackson had only been dating a month, and it didn’t bother me until you ditched our annual dinner for him. i thought that you were gonna slowly drift from me towards him, so i got mad. it’s so stupid, but i guess it also helped me realize my feelings for you,” he shrugs. your breath hitches, and before you can even think, you lips crash against his.

at first he doesn’t kiss back, but he soon realizes and kisses back. he deepens it by putting a hand behind your head, and your hands find their way around his neck.

luca walks around the corner looking for you, and gasps. he scurries over to his mom, “mom! you won’t believe adam and y/n!”

she lets out an audible sigh, “are they fighting again?”

“worse! theyre kissing!” the older fantilli chuckles, looking at the reaction on both his parents and your mothers faces. at that moment, you and adam walk around the corner towards the bleachers, and see everyone looking at you two.

“well, we’re friends again,” you awkwardly chuckle, looking up at adam. everyone decides it’s best not to mention the kiss, and head towards the cars for the ritual post game ice cream. you and adam walk slowly behind everyone else, catching up on things.

“i’m surprised you came, i was wondering when you’d next show up to a game,”

“don’t feel special, my mom made me come,” you roll your eyes jokingly.

“mhm sure”

[jaesvelvet]

ditto

SUMMARY ➤ inspired by newjeans's ditto mv, a depressed girl who is saved by Lee Heeseung

PAIRING ➤ lee heeseung + fem!reader

GENRES ➤ angst, comforting, healing, slice of life

WORDS COUNT ➤ 1.7k words

WARNINGS ➤ mention of death, reader have depression if you squint,

You squint as the sun shines on you, the bright sunlight didn’t even succeed in making your pitch black day fade. Since the incident, everyday is the same day– a lifeless body of yours walking towards the school. You tightly grabbed the shoulder strap of your bag, trying to ignore all the whispers and side eye look they gave it to you. You know they think of you as a creep, weirdo and crazy but you don’t blame them for that, you are indeed what they’re describing.

You sit at your place, you put your head in your arms and close your eyes, remembering every single detail of memory you had with them. You even try to remember how their voices sound, forgetting them is your biggest fear and you will not let your brain forget them, ever.

“Y/N try to look at our new dance move!” Minji beams, making you laugh at her cuteness, before they get to do anything, you quickly get your camcorder from your bag, recording their silly dance in a gym, not knowing it will be one of the last moments with them.

“Did we look good?” Haerin asked, peeking at your camcorder, you laughed as you shook your head.

“You guys look like a bunch of rabbits in this white outfit” you joked which made them frown

You smile as your brain still vividly remembers the beautiful moment in your life.

Oh, how you wish you could join them too.

+.*

“Dude, you kinda creepy” Beomgyu elbowed his best friend who was looking directly at you.

“She lost all of her charms,” Heeseung said.

Lee Heeseung is not in your circle at all, hence both of you only knew each other's names as your introvertedness couldn’t bear to expense the small circle of yours. Thus, it makes Choi Beomgyu feel strange by the sudden interest he have towards you.

“The incident was too much for her, why does God make her suffer like that?” Heeseung blurted, which made Beomgyu even more confused of his best friend.

“Uh, if you need me, I’m with Jaehyuk,” Beomgyu said, and leave Heeseung alone at his place, Beomgyu doesn’t even understand what is so special about that weird girl in Heeseung's eyes.

+.*

This time Heeseung managed to look directly into her eyes even from afar, his eyes full of worry of her meanwhile her gaze is empty, it looks like she’s gonna curse him if they were in the horror movie. Heeseung was about to yell out her name before she ran away from him, like usual.

“We knew you liked him!” Danielle gushed, softly pushing your shoulder to tease you. The others start wooing at you, Y/N finally have a crush they can finally tease about. Your shy gesture simply noticed by them, making the girls laugh, they never saw you this shy.

“Oh, come on Y/N we can help you confess to him!” Hanni squeals, feeling over excited for her best friend

When they see no response coming off from you, Hyein sighs

“There’s no such thing as boys make a move first, it’s old school” she speak up

“Ohoo, Hyein is all grown up now” Minji teased

“Hey!”

You still could read the carved letters on the bench you guys usually hang out

‘Forever as 6’

Lie.

They left you all alone. They lied

+.*

It’s the same dream again, it’s only you and a deer in the middle of the school hallway. Both of you are staring at each other, no word spoken but honestly if the deer can speak, you would volunteer to go to the mental hospital by yourself. Since the incident where you always met a deer in your dream, you could say everyday you have the same dream which makes you wonder, is this a sign from them?

If this is a sign, then what is the meaning behind the deer?

Heeseung once again ditches his friend at the cafeteria to go to the bench where you usually sit every recess. His beautiful smile could be seen from his face as he saw you, resting your head on the bench table.

“Hey” it’s quite surprising that this is you and Heeseung’s first interaction, but Heeseung decided to man up and talk to you after months observing you from afar.

Your surprised face makes Heeseung chuckle, if only you acknowledge how cute you are right now.

“Here I bought you a sandwich” Heeseung gives you the egg sandwich, your eyes stare at the sandwich, is this real?

Blink once and twice, the sandwich still in Heeseung’s hand and gestured out to you.

“Y/N?”

“Oh, thank you” you said, hesitate a little bit to take the food from his hand

“It’s fine, I didn’t put any poison–” Uh oh, guess the joke is not suitable in this situation.

“I’m more happy if you poisoned me” Heeseung cursed at himself, how did he say something foolish like that?

“Hey, you deserve to live. There must be a reason why you the only one who survived” Heeseung said

“To suffer?” you asked, looking at his face for a few seconds before focusing on your unwrapped egg sandwich

“To give more attention to yourself more, love yourself more”

“What are you talking about?”

The music room immediately turned to a silent mode as 5 girls suddenly burst in. Heeseung, as the president of the club, approach them to say something like you guys shouldn’t be here or please leave but before he could form any sentences, Hanni grabbed Heeseung’s arm and bring him to the outside, the questions of the members of music club never been answered as the other girls aso follow Hanni to the outside.

“What are you guys doing?” Heeseung groans, he is not usually rude to others but today is just too hectic for him, the music club doesn’t see any improvement, his grade getting bad and the stress of not achieving his achievement making him grumpy these days.

“We know you like Y/N” Hyein speak up

“No, I’m not”

“We know you secretly staring at her in the gym and at the bench we usually hang out from the veranda” Haerin said

Heeseung's face got slightly red from the embarrassment of being caught. He did secretly stare at you, adoring you from afar away, not brave enough to talk to you yet. You caught his attention as you’re being as loud as your friends every time you hang out, and Heeseung seems to love your calmness and your secret personality.

“Why do you guys want to see me?” Heeseung tries to change the topic, as he isn't ready to talk about his feelings yet.

“We want to make things easier for her, she likes you and we want you to teach her how to love and care about herself more since she’s doesn't know how to do that yet, and you Mr. Lee Heeseung, who seems confident in yourself, please encourage her to do so. Minji uttered

“Huh?”

“She doesn’t have enough confident in herself”

“No, before that”

“She likes you…?”

Heeseung gasped, this is not how he imagined how he would know that  his crush liked him back.

“Yall, it’s not funny” Heeseung still doesn't 100% believe their words, what if they use him?

“She. likes. You” Hanni said words by words while making a silly dance in front of Heeseung.

“Oh my god, you gotta be serious”

Hanni rolls her eyes, why do you need to have a crush on this stupid guy?

“You just told me to be funny!” Hanni scold, making Heeseung mouthing sorry to her

“The problem is, she doesn’t think she is worth enough for you, she always think less of herself” Haerin said

“We tried to gain her confidence but we never succeed, we hope you can change that, be there for her”

“Oh, she’s perfect, why is she so insecure? '' Heeseung asked, to him you are beautiful and cute in his eyes, to think you didn't think the same way doesn't sit right with him. You're worth it.

“Maybe you’re the one who can change her mindset?”

“I’ll try”

Heeseung didn't realize that the talk was the hint that they’re gonna be gone forever.

“Heeseung…” you lost of words with his story, they knew they’re gonna be gone.

“Y/N  the accident was not your fault. It’s not your fault that they didn’t survive, please don’t blame yourself anymore. They would be sad” Heeseung took a brave step and held your cold hands.

“I’m the one who suggest for a road trip”

“Still, it’s not your fault. Y/N, please give yourself a chance to live in this world, I know it’s hard to move on, but I can help you, they want you to be happy” Heeseung softly said, staring at your teary eyes

“I keep thinking, do I deserve to be happy after I killed my friends? Am I deserve to call myself a loyal friend when I’m the one who survived… I can’t stop thinking, I can’t sleep because of the guilt, I’m stuck, the only way I can do is to keep remembering them”

Heeseung swore he almost cried hearing your confession, it must be so hard to be in your place right now and Heeseung admits that you’re strong enough to still go to school.

“Y/N… if the others survived and you’re the one who died, do you think it’s their fault?”

You shook your head and the silence filled in.

You get it, you get his point. Of course, they don’t want you to blame yourself for their death, they want you to be happy and if you’re the one who died, you would think the same. Death is inevitable, no one can ever stop it from happening even the great doctor.

Your tears finally fall down to your cheek. You’ve been so harsh with yourself when you shouldn’t, you can’t do anything just to get them alive back.

“Help me” , your voice comes out as a whisper, the desperation in your voice making Heeseung hug you, comforting you from all the burden you carried.

+.*

Today is not like the other day, you’re not walking back home alone. You take a peek at Heeseung’s handsome face, a smile could be seen from your face, a lightweight feeling– which you feel weird, filled inside you, all the burdens seem faded away slowly at the times.

Since that day, you never saw a deer in your dreams anymore.

[yikesharringrove]

I think a lot about Steve and Billy becoming foster parents.

I think about them, mid-thirties, welcoming two kids into their home. A brother and a sister. A fifteen year old boy, and a two year old girl.

And clearly, they’ve been through some shit.

The baby is easy. She’s shy at first, and clings to her brother for the first few weeks, but she warms up easily to Steve and Billy. (Especially when Billy sneaks her cookies and Steve is always down for a little snuggle.

It’s the boy who is hard to crack.

He’s been in and out of foster situations his entire life. If it weren’t for his sister, and the fact that his social worker was actually doing a good job of not splitting them up, he feels like he’d be in his on. Our in a boys’ home.

But he’s seen foster parents that seem kind, but have some ulterior motive. Or call the social worker when they can’t handle his trauma.

So he pushes back.

The first day he’s at Steve and Billy’s, he throws a plate at the wall.

He doesn’t miss the way Billy has a white knuckled grip on the kitchen counter, or the way he leaves the room the second it looks like Steve’s got it under control.

And he assumes, that Billy was trying to hold himself back from smacking him. That he left to call social services.

He doesn’t bother to unpack.

But the next day, no one comes to take him away.

In fact, he startled awake to a soft tap on his bedroom door, and a voice telling him that breakfast is ready, please come downstairs when you’re ready.

He doesn’t. He doesn’t go downstairs all day.

And every few hours there’s a knock and a voice telling him to come down for some food.

He only leaves when the voice tells him that his sister keeps asking for him.

And there’s a plate of food for him in the microwave, and Steve gives Billy a knowing look before taking his sister off to bed.

He knew it was a fucking rouse.

And he wolfs down his meal, expecting Billy to tell him they’ve spoken with the agency, and they’re keeping his sister but kicking him to the curb.

“I need to tell you that you’re not going anywhere. No matter how much you push against us, we promised to care for you. You’re staying here.”

“Is that a threat?”

Billy smiled.

“Nah. It’s just true. You would never leave your sister anywhere without you.”

“Yeah? How the fuck do you know?”

And he wanted that stupid smile to fall off Billy’s face. But it didn’t.

“Because I was you. It didn’t matter how often my dad beat the shit outta me. I stayed there to make sure he never did it to my sister. We’d never, ever, do anything to hurt either of you, but you’ve been hurt too many times to trust that yet. So what you can do, is stop acting out. You don’t have to let us in. You don’t have to start calling us your dads and shit, but please. Accept that we want you here. That we want to take care of you.”

And he’s fucking stunned, because this is not at all what he thought this conversation was gonna be.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I assume the worst.”

“That’s okay. You’ve been through a lot. We won’t push, and like I said. You don’t have to let us in, but we’re here for you.”

He sniffed, and Billy’s hands flexed on the table, like he wanted to reach out and touch him.

“I thought you were gonna tear me a new one about last night. I thought you were gonna send me back.”

“No. I mean, Im not exactly excited about the glass I had to clean up. And your sister was scared shitless, she’s been freaked out all day, make sure you go see her before bed. But, I understand. I know what it’s like to feel like everyone will give up on you, so you might as well push them away. And I’m sorry I left. To be honest, the plate thing, it really freaked me out.”

And that made sense, because of what Billy told him about his own father.

He’s been on the receiving end of a broken dish before, too.

“I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay. I mean, Please, never do it again, but your anger and your fear is totally okay. I can help you cope. I’ve been in more therapy than you could even dream.”

And billy kind of had a spark in his eye, one that said it’s really okay.

I just think it’s be neat.

[melonba11s]

Trying New Things (Lawrence/Fem MC Fanfic)

MC convinces Lawrence to go out for Poke Bowls with her! A more humorous fluffy fic, as much as you can get with Lawrence at least!

Contains: Female Mc, Mention of dead animals, mentions of sickness/human death, MC has seen the river.

Lawrence didn’t like exiting his comfort zone. His comfort zone did not include much. His apartment, the forest. That was it for physical places he dwelled. When it comes to food, well. He just got whatever was nearby, fast, available. This usually meant convenience store food, fast food. Anything that meant minimal contact with a living, breathing person. 

His trash can was a graveyard to the wrappers of greasy sandwiches, cups that once contained noodles, and an embarrassing amount of energy bars. 

So, how did he end up here? A small, brightly lit store, playing music just a smidge too loudly for his comfort, surrounded by people. 

The answer was always the same when it came to these things. Her. She was standing next to him now, his hand gripped within his tightly, reassuringly, grounding him. And preventing him from just walking out. 

She was the only one he trusted, she was the only one among the others who was like him. She had seen the river, she had remembered the river. She was his single thread tying him to this world, encouraging him to explore it and have fun in it. 

And this had been her idea, she had mentioned craving it lately. And she had finally convinced him to come with her, to try it for himself. 

“I think, I’ll get my usual salmon bowl!” her voice interrupted his thoughts. “What do you want Lawrence?” 

Shit. He was supposed to have been looking at the menu, deciding what he wanted. They were almost to the front of the line. He looked up at the menu. There was too much for him too take in in such a short amount of time. 

“You can order for me.” he mumbled, squeezing her hand. “You know what I like.” She gave him a smile, a smile that made him forget he was surrounded by people for a moment. 

“Sure thing, Law.” The well used nickname swirled in his head, and he barely registered her ordering, only really listening to what she was getting him. 

“My boyfriend-” boyfriend. Boyfriend. Boyfriend. Boyfriend. He felt like he had just ingested butterflies. “He’ll take spicy salmon, with jalapenos, Red onion, Cilantro, topped with Wasabi Mayo, Kimchi, and Chili flakes….. Oh, does he want a tea? Uhm… How about a Jasmine Milk Tea, Zero sugar, with bubbles?” 

Bubbles? Were they gonna shake it extra? Lawrence didn’t know, or really care much. He was just happy she seemed to be adding everything spicy she could see on the menu. He was flushing red just a bit, the cashier was looking at him with wide eyes. 

“Can you make it to go?” Lawrence asked, the only words he’d spoken to anyone else besides her. The cashier blinked and then nodded. 

“Of course! It will be up in fifteen minutes! Your number will be called!” The cashier handed them a slip with their order number on it. 

Fifteen minutes. He could last another fifteen minutes here. 

“What is this place, again?” he asked quietly, pressing himself against the wall, hoping no one would look at him. 

“Song Tea and Poke!” She said, “I used to come here all the time, they’re really good!” 

“And what’s poke, again?” he remembered her first explanation, he just wanted her to keep talking. Give him something to focus on besides all the people in here. 

“It’s a Hawaiian dish, but this place serves it as a fusion between Japanese and Hawaiian foods. So it’s raw fish on top of rice, with various toppings.” 

Raw fish… he’d never eaten raw meat before. On purpose. There was that one suspect burger he had gotten from a new chain that had opened near his workplace. Several days of living in his tiny cramped bathroom until eventually… 

A mass of gray, ever moving water, standing in it, remembering his last moments of his aching body, trying to give out more liquid, being unable too. Allowing himself to fall backwards, back to the world. 

Waking up with the most horrible case of cotton mouth he had ever experienced, and he had unfortunately also pissed his pants. Not much to piss at that point but, he still just threw them out rather than deal with them, and practically waterboarded himself in his bathroom sink trying to rehydrate. 

She hadn’t been around at that point. If she had, she probably would have prevented it from ever happening. Kept him drinking water, washed his pants for him. She cared like that, he supposed he did too. Even though both of them knew they would both come back. He’d turned her into a river walker as well. 

She was still so much better at this whole human thing than he was though. Able to effortlessly talk with strangers, order food, and go shopping. She was convincing him to do a lot of things too. 

He had enjoyed the museums, he had to admit. They were quiet, and he could stare for as long as he wanted. The zoo had also been fun, though none of the animals in the petting section had approached him, no matter how much corn he held in his hand. He hadn’t known what to expect, animals never liked him much. He had ended up leaving in a huff, childishly letting the feed fall from his hands like a child dropping something their parents would not buy for them. 

She had apologized to him for hours afterwards, even though he assured her he wasn’t mad at her. He was mad at the rest of the world for not understanding him. Mad at that damned sheep too. 

“Fifty three! You’re order is ready!” he was jolted from his thoughts. He glanced down at the receipt in her crumpled hands. Yep, they were fifty three. 

“I’ll go wait in the car.” he mumbled, watching her nod. He quickly made his escape, glad for the silence that was awaiting him in the vehicle. A few minutes later she came out, clutching the bag of food close. She was practically buzzing with excitement, smiling at him with a huge silly grin on her face.

He found himself smiling as well, she was the only one who could do that for him. Make him happy that someone else was happy. 

It didn’t take long for them to get back home…. Their home. A small apartment that they had picked out together, since realistically, she couldn’t fit all of her stuff into his previous one. Despite the new home, her presence, and everything she tried though, food still went bad just a bit too fast around him. 

He did like it when she did cook, when she found time and resources too though. Which wasn’t often, since she needed to find recipes that fed two without leftovers. Leftovers would go bad within a day around him. 

She had also brought something he hadn’t considered having before. A kitchen table to eat at. And she insisted they eat it whenever they ate at home. He didn’t really see the reason why the floor worked just as well. But he didn’t see a reason to fight it either, so he just went along with it. 

Pulling the plastic cover off the food, the first thing that struck him was how colorful it was. The vegetables were all fresh, the fish was vibrant and shiny. It reminded him of a garden, overgrown and blooming in early summer. 

“Here, straw.” He looked up as she handed him a straw. It was wide, and had a pointed end. She pointed to his tea, which was sealed with plastic. 

“Stab.” She said simply, holding her own in a fast before puncturing the cup. 

“Why can’t they just have a normal lid?” Lawrence asked, lining up his own straw. 

“So it can travel before being drunk, and won’t spill. I think.” she answered, doing a half shrug. Lawrence stabbed, as per her directions. The popping of the lid reminded him of how a deer corpse would finally pop, after the gasses inside had reached their peak. 

He set the drink aside, focusing back on the food. Raw fish, fresh vegetables. He was sort of afraid it would rot before his very eyes just because of how he was. 

He was struck again with the fact that he had never eaten raw fish before. But, if she ate it before, and was still fine, then he should be fine too. It crossed his mind suddenly, perhaps she first saw the river because she ate raw fish. 

It caused him to snort, in a small burst of laughter. 

“What’s so funny?” she asked. Her voice was muffled, she had already begun eating. She looked really cute with her cheeks stuffed to the absolute brim. 

“Nothing.” He answered, bringing a spoon full of food to his mouth. He had been expecting the fish to be unpleasant, slimy, way too chewy. Instead, it gave way easily, it was extremely tender too. He had never had anything like it, and the toppings she’d picked out for him meant it was super spicy too. 

“It has a nice kick to it.” he commented, taking another bite before reaching for the tea. It wasn’t like any tea he had ever made before. It looked like coffee his sister used to make. All Milk. 

He took a small sip first, letting the flavor wash over his tongue. Not sweet at all, just mostly herbal tea flavor, though the milk did dull the flavor a lot. Not bad though. He took another, deeper sip from it, closing his eyes, trying to draw out a deeper flavor profile- 

Something hit the back of his throat. His gag reflex made him swallow too quickly, and he began to cough, liquid spewing from his mouth and down his front. 

He couldn’t breath, and the knowledge of that sent his brain into instant panic, as he slammed a fist against the table, holding a hand to his mouth as he gagged up more tea. 

“Oh my god!” he heard her exclaim, she was out of her chair, grabbing a rag. “Are you okay?” she asked, wiping up his face in a hurry as he took in a few deep, heaving breathes. 

“I-I nearly saw the river.” He mumbled, staring at his tea sodden sweater. Too his surprise, he heard a small giggle. Then it grew into a full blown laugh. 

“Oh Law…” she said it with such affection it made his face heat up. He pointed at the tea, now noticing the brown spheres sitting at the bottom. He had figured it was a design on the cup. 

“Are those… bubbles?” he asked, remembering her order. Add Bubbles.

He wasn’t sure he really liked those bubbles.

[toastyeverlark]

“And our top student this year is…Peeta Mellark!”

Peeta Mellark. It’s always Peeta Mellark. Peeta. Freaking. Mellark. Of course it is. When is it not?

It used to be me…Katniss Everdeen, until he transferred here.

Finnick nudges me playfully. “Wow, Katniss. Looks like you’re never going to catch up to him.”

I shoot a dirty look at Finnick. I don’t know why I still have him as a friend if he’s always getting on my nerves. He knows how annoyed I can get when it comes to Peeta, and yet he likes to bring him up just to spite me.

“We’ve never spoken to him before,” Finnick says to me as I’m putting my things away in my locker.

“So?”

“Do you think he’s nice? I’ve heard people say he’s really nice.”

“Yeah, and you thought I was mean because everyone was saying that about me.”

Finnick tries to hide his smile. “Well, they’re not really wrong about that.”

I elbow him and he backs away, laughing. “See? Proves their point.”

I roll my eyes. “He’s probably a jerk, and really snobby and overly confident. They’re always like this whenever they get good grades. Besides, he doesn’t…look bad, so they’ll definitely be crazy over him, which will make it ten times worse. His ego is going to explode. It probably already has.”

“You get good grades and you’re not like that,” Finnick says a little half-heartedly. He’s looking over at something.

I scoff. “Yeah, thanks.”

“He’s coming over,” he frantically nudges me.

“What? Who?”

“Your boyfriend.”

“What? I don’t have a boyfriend - ”

I turn around and come face-to-face with Peeta Mellark.

“Glad to hear that you don’t have one,” he smiles. He’s got one of the most genuine smiles I’ve ever seen. Maybe this is where the ‘Mr Nice’ persona comes from. His smile makes him seem like the purest person in the world. I don’t like it.

“Why are you talking to me?” I frown.

“I’ve been waiting for the chance to talk to you ever since I heard about you.”

“Well, congratulations.”

“You’re Katniss, right? I’m Peeta. Mellark. I’m not sure if you already knew,” he looks at Finnick and smiles again. “Hi, you must be Finnick.”

“Unfortunately I did. Is there anything else?”

He looks slightly disappointed. “Oh, no…I was just wondering - never mind. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, you too,” I manage to say before I take Finnick’s hand and walk off.

“Katniss,” he yanks his hand out of my grasp when we’re out of sight. “Why were you being so mean to him? This is the first time someone from the male population has taken an interest in you other than me, and I don’t even think you’re that interesting anymore.”

“Why would he talk to me for no reason? He’s never talked to me until today. He’s got to have some ulterior motive. I don’t need to be nice to him.”

“He’s clearly interested in you.”

“Yeah, interested in how he can get to know me so that he can take advantage of it to continue doing better than me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to study for tomorrow’s test. Try not to fail, because I’m not going to tutor you again.”

“At least I’m not a complete loser when it comes to romance. At this rate, I’m gonna have to marry you.”

This makes me laugh out loud. “What makes you think that?”

“Because if you’re always going to be mean, you’ll need someone who’s okay with your meanness. At the moment, no one’s okay with that but me.”

“You’ll need someone who’s okay with how annoying you are, too. I’m not the only one with a problem, Finnick.”

“I guess we both have problems.”

—

“Hi. Katniss.”

I look up from my laptop. It’s him again.

“What do you want, Peeta?”

He smiles and scratches the back of his head.

“Are you studying?”

“I don’t see why you need information on that.”

“Oh. Well, I was wondering if you mind…the other seats in the library are all taken.”

Why does he have to ask me? He could’ve asked anyone, especially since he’s so popular. They would be tripping over themselves to give up their seats for him.

Fine. I’m not going to fight with him for a seat.

“Alright then. I’ll get going.”

“No, no, Katniss, wait. I don’t mean it like that. You don’t have to go. I…wanted to ask if I could share the table with you.”

“It’s fine. I’ve been here for over four hours anyway,” I start gathering my things and shoving them in my backpack.

He stands there without another word, and only mutters a ‘bye’ when I leave.

“I saw that.”

I stagger backwards to avoid bumping into Finnick.

“You scared me. Can you stop popping out of the ground like that?”

“You need to take a hint, Katniss,” he says in exasperation while crossing his arms. “Peeta wants to talk to you.”

“I don’t care.”

“You need to stop being so bitter just because he does better than you, you know. He has never offended you and definitely doesn’t deserve you being so mean to him.”

I have to admit, hearing Finnick say that makes me feel a sense of guilt for all the times I grumbled about Peeta getting better grades and stealing the title of valedictorian from me. Maybe all this while, I have been the problem.

—

“Hi Katniss.”

I’m starting to recognise his voice now.

“Hi, Peeta.” This time, I choose to give him a smile. Just out of politeness. His already bright eyes seem to brighten even more when I do that.

“The other seats are taken…again. I was wondering if I could join you?”

“No, it’s alright. I’ll go. You can have the table to yourself.”

“No, I really would like for you to - okay. I’ve got an extra cup of coffee though. You can have it.”

He places a brown paper cup on the table.

“I only take caramel macchiatos, sorry.”

“It is a caramel macchiato,” Peeta smiles. That smile again. For some reason, it makes me feel a little weird inside. If there was a contest, he would’ve won hands-down for having the nicest looking smile.

“Oh. It’s okay. I don’t want to owe you anything.”

“Oh, no, don’t worry about that,” he pushes the cup nearer to me. “I got the wrong order. I wouldn’t have drank it anyway.”

I look at him doubtfully, and he edges it closer towards me.

“Please?” he looks me in the eye when he says this, and I have to look away.

“Okay. Thank you. I’ll…get going.”

Maybe Peeta Mellark really isn’t that bad.

[solkorolevastan]

I’m gonna rank the couples in The Lunar Chronicles and explain why because I’m immensely bored I apologize in advance. And also just because it’s in a lower position doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing like there are only 4 spots-

Also SPOILERS FOR THE SERIES-

4th PLACE

WOLFLET- it’s the whole alpha thing that caused this I’m sorry like they need a lil more screen time and a lot less calling each other alpha. But I did really love them just not in the book Scarlet. I loved them in Cress and Winter when they were separated and it was just immense amounts of pining and I think they’re the most solid/loyal couple in the series like they’d do anything for each other and I love that. Honestly they’re a top tier couple and I wish we got more time with them like SOSN was peak because we got to see them being domestic and like adjusting I loved it. If they were put up against most other couples then they’d win I swear

3RD PLACE

CRESSWELL-these two were almost in 4th actually cuz they’re one of my least favourite tropes where it’s like “experienced suave guy who’s so hot and elite and older” and like “naive girl who’s never left her house and this is in fact the first human she’s spoken too” but somehow they made it enjoyable like I loved how she was like his sight in Cress and how well they work together. He also helps her come out of her shell and know her worth. I also love the fact that he’s a slut in recovery. They’re also the funniest couple and they also had the most slow burn which I enjoyed and I loved their ending. They’re very fun and again in any other circumstance in other list they’d be higher up (I also don’t like that Thorne’s 20+ and she’s 16 like it’s a lil weird-)

2ND PLACE

JACINTER-ok I’m kinda sad I put them in second and not first but yeah they’re my babies. They’re the best amalgamation of tropes I’ve ever seen like they’re childhood best friends to lovers, they’re forbidden love, they’re sun x moon (LISTEN HEAR ME OUT ON THIS), they’re grumpy x sunshine. I also love how much they genuinely adore each other and fight for each other to be safe as much as possible. They also have immense amounts of chemistry and tension in every scene they’re in. I also love that even though Winter is obviously the most vulnerable one in the relationship it doesn’t feel like he’s constantly doting on her like it feels equal like she doesn’t feel like a child being taken care of because of her mental health. I could talk about them hours like the pining the immense pining and the way they talk about and to each other it’s so beautiful like I miss them sm and they’re not popular enough like they’re the cutest I also have a headcanon that when they both move to Earth Jacin eventually retires from being her bodyguard and goes to medical school and they get to grow old somewhere where it always snows.

1ST PLACE

KAIDER- I love them they’re my favourite book couple ever actually like they’re like the first couple I ever genuinely shipped. And they were perfect in EVERY BOOK LIKE I WAS STRAPPED ON THIS TRAIN WITH THEM THEYRE SO ENDEARING AND PERFECT. Like ugh I genuinely had no notes on them for like bad stuff that I didn’t like. Like as I’m typing I’m think of criticism??? They’re so loyal to each other it’s makes me wanna BAWL AND THEYRE SO IN LOVE IT JUST YES. One of the main reasons I love them is because we had the two of them for so long like in Cinder it was only two POVs (if you don’t count Dr. Erland) and we got to see how they felt constantly and they’re such lil idiots and I love them like they’re it. I also love how much they compliment each other and bring out the best parts in the other if that makes sense like Kai learns a lot from her.They did almost lose to Jacinter tho and it came VERY CLOSE

Welp that’s the end. If you read all of ; here’s a heart for the trouble🤍

[the73rdpostscript]

Tell me again about No Sleep Till JoeNicky - 7 - nice version and also tell me about aaaaahhhhhhh

(I know you know the background of this fic, but since most people don't I'm just gonna explain it.)

I'm writing a modern au where Joe develops really bad insomnia and discovers that the only way he can get some sleep is if he's sleeping...next to Nicky. He doesn't like Nicky but he REALLY needs to sleep before his big art show so they have to make it work and oh my GOSH wouldn't you know it they fall in love.

The first draft of this fic had Joe acting too rude for too long without adequate reason. I was essentially half-assing an enemies to lovers when the vibe of the story was just cutesy romcom stuff and it didn't work at all - even though I had some really fucking good scenes in there if I do say so myself.

So right now the story is being reformatted so that Joe is less of an asshole and the climax of the fic is no longer the two of them being vulnerable and apologizing to each other at a sleep clinic.

So since the sleep clinic climax isn't happening I'm gonna just share it here. It's a very long section but I really like what I had.

So....enjoy a massive amount of writing that is now totally irrelevant!

-

“I need to sleep! I want to sleep! And ideally I would be able to do that away from you!” Joe shouts.

As soon as the words leave his mouth, he wishes he could take them back. Across from him, Nicky has gone completely still - mouth pinched shut and eyes shifting from hurt to distant so quickly Joe would miss it if he hadn’t spent the last week looking into those same eyes every morning and every night.

“Then it seems we have no more need to keep up the charade, as you called it.” Nicky says quietly. He might as well be sitting in an office meeting with strangers.

“Nicky, I’m sorry. I didn’t-”

“I’d like you to leave now.” Joe thought he had heard the worst of Nicky’s coldness during the first fight they ever had. The ice in Nicky’s voice now would have shredded him that first day. It’s all he can do to look at Nicky long enough to nod and turn away.

-

He walks home, even though his hands are shaking and his legs feel weak. The cold air is an unpleasant sensation and he thinks he might be in trouble if it’s still better than the feeling he has after that fight.

When he gets home he walks past Nicky's shortbread and eats leftover takeout that smells questionable at best.

Maybe there was something to his false bravado about not needing Nicky, because after an hour of crying to himself he falls asleep on his couch, alone.  

-

The next day he can barely get any work done, and the Nicky painting sits in the corner, staring at him as he struggles with the other canvas – the one he was so close to finishing yesterday.

Around dinnertime, Quynh sends him an email with the options for an appointment at the sleep clinic – detailing the merits of the place, and asking for a response when he’s able. When they’re able actually. Nicky is the other recipient of the email, and though he hasn’t responded with his availability yet, Joe knows he’s seen it.

Nicky is always checking his phone – Joe’s seen him do it so many times he could paint the gesture from every angle. He would want to do one from just behind, and capture the privacy of the moment from over Nicky’s shoulder, highlighting the angle of his nose as the screen lights it up, and the clench of his jaw that he never seems to notice. Maybe Nicky would sleep better if he looked at his phone less.

The email stares up at him from his phone, and Quynh’s impatience is clear in every perfectly chosen word. There are implications there: Quynh and Nicky have spoken since last night, or Andy and Nicky. Maybe Nicky didn’t say anything and Quynh saw his mood at lunch. She’s been suspiciously quiet towards Joe since this whole thing started and it hasn’t escaped Joe’s notice that Andy introduced her to Joe after she was already friends with Nicky.

Joe’s pulse spikes at the idea of losing Quynh or Andy over this. But then he remembers the time that Booker almost hit Joe outside the nightclub, and the time that Andy disappeared for a week in the middle of her own wedding preparations. Joe doesn’t make friends with people who would turns him away over a single fight. Even if he feels like he might deserve it right now.

None of this matters in the moment, however. Joe had asked for a solution to his sleep problem that doesn’t include Nicky, and that’s what’s being offered.

With a sigh, he sends back his availability, and he only barely resists throwing his phone when Nicky responds less than a minute later with his own confirmation of a date that will work.

Before he can stop himself, Joe opens a text message to Nicky, and he gets halfway through his first sentence before he realizes that he doesn’t know what he could say that would even start to address everything that’s happened so far.

Instead he shuts his phone and pulls out an old canvas he once left half finished out of sheer annoyance. He paints until the sun comes up, and then he paints some more.

-

The sleep clinic is small. Joe only sees two assistants and one clinician. The assistants have Joe fill out forms when he arrives, perched awkwardly on a plastic chair next to Nicky.

Between the staff’s polite and distant demeanor, and Nicky’s stoic compliance, Joe feels like he’s alone in the room. It isn’t until they’re asked to detail what’s been going on that he feels a semblance of normalcy.

“So that’s why we’re here to see you,” Joe finishes, having taken point on explaining the situation.

The clinician behind the desk looks at Nicky. “Anything to add?”

Nicky shrugs, “Joe covered it all more or less accurately. I have been struggling with sleep for longer than him, but sleeping beside him has let me sleep regularly and more easily.”

“How much longer have you had trouble sleeping?” The clinician asks, looking down at Nicky’s chart.

Joe watches the lines of Nicky’s shoulder lift – tension clear in his jaw, “I don’t think that’s relevant.”

The clinician responds coolly, “I can’t help you without the proper background information.”

Glancing at Joe, Nicky lets out a sigh, “I stopped sleeping well in my late teenage years.”

Joe tries not to visibly respond, but he can feel his mouth drop open. Beside him, Nicky seems to tense more - as if he can sense Joe’s reaction.

“Any idea what caused the change?”

“I don’t think Nicky needs to share that,” Joe says, speaking before he thinks about it. The idea of Nicky being asked to tell a strangers details that he hasn’t even been able to tell Joe after a week of sleeping in the same bed feels inappropriate at best. This was not a part of his plans to get some sleep.

If Nicky has anything to say about the interruption, he doesn’t get the chance as the clinician addresses Joe, “We are not mind readers Mr. Al-Kaysani. We can’t tell you what is going on with you if we don’t have context for the things you’re experiencing.”

“That may be true, but Nicky didn’t want to share any of this with me before, and I don’t-“

“Nothing changed,” Nicky interrupts Joe with all the calm that Joe can’t feel, “I could not even guess why I stopped sleeping. I’m sorry if that hinders any part of this study.” Something in his voice sounds off, but the clinician doesn’t seem to notice as she nods.

“Okay. Well thank you for telling us what you could. I can’t promise any results tonight, but we will do our best with what we get.”

As the woman rises from her chair, Joe turns to look at Nicky. The other man is gathering his coat and his bag – avoiding Joe’s eyes.

It’s all Joe can do not to grab him and ask him if he still wants to do this at all.

-

When they’re led into a room with two twin beds, Nicky still isn’t looking at Joe.

They were directed to put on their own sleepwear before they came in, and Joe notices that the shirt Nicky picked is different than the worn out ones he usually wears to bed. Joe himself is wearing sweatpants that he normally works out in, and he isn’t even close to feeling relaxed as they get into their respective beds.

The woman speaks over the intercom to them, instructing them to try and sleep but not to feel pressure. They have time, according to her.

For a few minutes, Joe and Nicky lay in silence.

“Quynh didn’t come,” Joe observes at last, “I thought she might.”

“Her meeting ran late,” Nicky responds, voice stiff.

And with that, they return to silence.

Another few minutes pass by, and Joe knows they can’t have been there long, but he’s distinctly aware of how slow time is moving based on how loud Nicky’s breathing feels – uneven and overwhelming over the distance between them.

“I’m sorry,” Joe says, suddenly.

In the silence, Nicky’s breathing has changed, “Scusi?”

“I’m sorry that they asked you about your past, and that you have to be here at all. This wasn’t where I thought we’d end up.”

For a long time they lay in silence.

“Where did you think we’d end up?” Nicky asks.

Joe opens and closes his mouth several times before Nicky shifts in his bed and says, “We should try counting down again.” The lights of the room are dim but not completely dark and Joe can see Nicky laying stiffly under the sheets – looking as uncomfortable as Joe feels.

“Alright. 10, 9, 8,”

Nicky joins him on 7, and this time Joe is still awake when he gets to 1, so he hears Nicky’s voice slow down and drop off during the countdown. For a moment the only sound in the room is the unnatural hum of a different air system, and the steady inhaling and exhaling of Nicky’s sleep.

-

The clinician wakes Joe up, and after a moment of feeling disoriented, he looks over at where Nicky is already sitting up – waiting for one of the assistants to finish pulling the sensors off his face.

“Did you find anything?” Joe asks the clinician, not bothering to let her say anything before he sits up and reaches to help her pull the sensors off.

She catches his hands and tells him to be patient and to relax a moment, but he only lowers his hands and asks, “Did you get what you needed?”

“We got what we needed, but I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed with what we discovered.”

Joe can’t see Nicky’s face but he can feel the tension radiating off of him.

The clinician steps back to more clearly address them both as she says, “We’ve confirmed that there’s nothing unusual about your physical readings when you sleep beside each other. There’s nothing specific going on biologically that we can point to right now.”

Joe wants to scream. “What does that mean?”

For the first time all night, the woman looks a little soft as she addresses him, “It means I don’t have any answers for you, Mr. Al-Kaysani.”

"So why cant I sleep without him?" He can’t stop himself from asking.

The woman gives him a patient look as she responds, "It could be any number of things. External or internal. Rhythms of your apartment, lack of sound, a pet, nightmares, anxiety-"

Joe doesn’t know why, but the very word makes him choke. “Are you saying that being without Nicky gives me anxiety?" Before he finishes the question he’s looking over at Nicky, and Nicky turns to look back. His face is intense and his gaze unwavering. It’s the expression he made the night that they talked about his nightmares – scared and determined and so unbelievably vulnerable that it makes Joe choke on the last word. Something in Nicky’s jaw ticks, and Joe wonders about it for a moment before Nicky speaks and the moment dissipates.

"Impossible. Anyone who feels anxiety when I'm gone has never lost an argument about something as stupid as whether or not [team] will make it to [tournament]."

Joe crushes the urge to argue and takes the offering for what it is, turning to the doctor and asking, "Do you see what I have to put up with?"

The doctor hums and looks down at her chart, "if you don't have any more questions, I'll let you both go. We have all we need for now and you'll get results in your email within a few days."

-

They leave the lab in relative silence, and as they step out of the doors, Joe asks, “Will you come back to my place?”

Nicky looks startled at the question, and Joe remembers just as suddenly what day it is.

“Oh. Right, you have that thing.”

After a brief look of confusion, Nicky’s expression turns to something that might be either frustrated or fond, “That’s not tonight. I’d be happy to come back to your place.”

The radio keeps them company on the drive back to Joe’s apartment, and it isn’t until they get inside that Joe thinks to ask, “Did you cancel your mystery guests?”

“I did,” Nicky says, sounding tired. For a moment, they stand in the hallway together – Joe leaning against the wall and Nicky with his hands on his hips. They must paint a rather sad picture – half in and half out, of both the apartment and this peace that could be something deeper if they let it. If Joe let it, maybe.

“I’m sorry.”

“So you said,” Nicky replies, one corner of his mouth lifting, “Show me where your kitchen is. I think we both could use something to eat.”

Once Joe’s gotten Nicky acquainted with the space and convinced him to keep the cooking simple, he settles himself the counter he thinks will be least in the way.

“You know don’t have to cook for me. I wouldn’t exactly want to feed me right now after everything.”

“That is why it’s good that you don’t make decisions for me,” Nicky says, digging around in the fridge, “You could do something for me though.”

“What?”

Standing up straight, Nicky turns to meet Joe’s eyes. “Tell me what this has all been about.”

-

[totallysora]

Mean Girls Part 2 (Movie)

Ok so this is my overall opinions on stuff such as the cut songs and the actors etc 😭 (Once again I haven’t actually watched it, I’ve only ever listened to the soundtrack [once 💀] and seen a few clips!)

Let me start with cut songs! It roars (yes I am counting this) - Realistically I don’t really see why they cut it, and honestly I imagine it would’ve fit within the movie better Also, Ik Renee was on broadway as Regina, and Ik she can sing/write, but never let this girl pick up a pen like ever again that song sas horrific 😭 There’s definitely worst songs out there don’t get me wrong but this was absolutely not a good replacement for it roars Where do you belong? - Ok honestly cutting this makes sense, I can see how this would be difficult to translate from the stage, and they’re so theatre that making them pop would be horrible 😭 doesn’t mean I’m not upset abt it tho 😕 Meet the Plastics (also counting this) - Literally what was the point man 😭 if you’re gonna get rid of all of the best parts get rid of the whole song like this was utter bs - sure, I haven’t seen if it worked well in the movie but Idc, there was literally no need 💀 The reprises (all of them excluding someone gets hurt) - I guess I see why they cut these, as the movie would’ve just been made a lot longer with them, kinda wish we could’ve heard aaron sing tho Fearless - Kinda sad they cut this cuz I actually rlly like the song 😕 also completely butchering gretchen and her songs like damn 😨 not yall acting like she’s one of the best singers on that soundtrack 💀Stop - Much like where do you belong, I can actually understand why they cut this one, although I absolutely wanna hear Jaquel sing it (and on his live the other day I’m pretty sure he said he’s planning on releasing a cover) also doesn’t mean I’m gonna be happy abt it tho 😔 WHOSE HOUSE IS THIS - THIS WHOLE SOUNTRACK IS LITERALLY KEVIN G ERASURE BRO 😭 LIKE WDYM WE DONT GET TO HEAR HIM RAP?? YALL R GONNA TELL ME THAT THE ENTIRE PARTY WAS JUST SPOKEN ☹️ More is better - Also kinda like this song, once again wish we could’ve heard aaron sing but it is what it is Ig 🤷‍♀️ Someone gets hurt (reprise) - Ok so this wasn’t in the soundtrack, and seeing clips of it I see why 💀 It was barely even singing?? She was legit just yelling/screaming it was so bad 😨 DO THIS THING - AS I SAID BEFORE KEVIN G ERASURE LIKE THERE IS NO WAY THEY HAD THE MATHLETES CHAMPIONSHIP WITHOUT SINGING 😭

About the actors

Don’t Quote me on this but am pretty sure only 2 of them are actually theatre actors?? Ik both Jaquel and Renee have been on Broadway but before the movie cast was announced I had no clue who the others were? And I tried to find theatre credits but there were literally none 😭

I saw a clip the other day of Tina Fey telling us all to stop complaining abt it, cuz she got a killer cast, and sure yea they were a good cast but if you’re gonna make a musical movie, especially based on such an iconic musical, actually make it a good musical?? Actually whilst I’m on this topic I just wanna say the advertising for this movie was so shit, like they didn’t even advertise it as a musical?? And so many people went without knowing it was 💀

Tbh although I’m not trying to say the cast was bad, I just wish they casted actual broadway actors, cuz it would’ve been sm better (for example, WSS 2021 - most of the cast were bway/theatre actors n it is one of the best musical movies I have ever watched)

At this point I would’ve preferred the og bway cast 💀 Like Idc that they’re all 30 or whatever 😭 Personally, I prefer proshots to movie musicals anyways, due to the fact that we get to see it on stage, so ee don’t have to miss anything, and if they really wanted to do this properly they should’ve just gone for a proshot 🤷‍♀️ But that’s just my opinion based on what I’ve seen!

[islandfate]

me? finishing my s3 character recap only a day after completing the season? crazy. anyway, more of my thoughts!!! i don’t think i have anything very controversial in here, but this is almost 3k words of opinions so … enjoy!

jack – starting off strong with mr jack shephard. surprisingly, i don’t think i hated jack this season. sure, he pissed me off every now and again, but as i’ve said before, that’s just standard with this character. i’ve begun to expect and accept that. otherwise, he was pretty okay? i don’t like the first seven episodes of this season at all, i just absolutely hate the surgery plot. and let’s not forget ‘stranger in a strange land,’ which might just be the worst episode of this entire show. i don’t like ‘fire + water’ any more than the next guy, but it was significantly better than whatever the fuck we got in episode 9. just terrible. anyway, i understood why jack wouldn’t do surgery on ben, and i thought his line, “i just wanted you to understand how you’re gonna die,” was kind of fire. made me laugh, that’s for sure. never thought i’d see the day! later on, i enjoyed his relationship with juliet and i didn’t hate him as much when he told the camp that he hadn’t told them anything because he hadn’t decided what to do about it yet. used to that made me soooo mad, but this time around i was kinda like … i mean, yeah, you guys are the ones that wanted him to be leader. if that’s the decision he made, i think it’s fine. overall, jack wasn’t intensely annoying and i didn’t really mind him that much.

ben – ohhhhh ben. how could i ever not love you? we don’t get a lot from him during the surgery plot, or even after, but i think we start to really see who he is when locke blows up the submarine - all because ben manipulated him into doing it, which is just amazing to me. we especially see more of him in ‘the brig,’ how he so easily manipulates situations in his favor, and of course his centric episode which just … kills me. roger was a piece of shit and i stand by that!! of course, i don’t think the entire dharma initiative deserved to die, but it’s interesting to see someone who was in dharma eventually become the leader of the others. dharma’s very enemies! i also think it’s soooo ben to try and play up the whole jacob situation. the cabin scene did confuse me a lot - it could either be that ben was pretending to see someone, but that when shit started flying around and the fire started he just kind of rolled with the punches; OR ben was seeing someone there, and if so, it would’ve had to have been the man in black. which would make sense, if he was manipulating ben into being jealous of locke. as we know this works. however, ben seems to genuinely believe that jacob spoke to locke, and you can see in his face that he isn’t happy about it - enough to where i think he’s never spoken to or seen jacob at all. either way, i do believe the man in black was the one to say “help me,” and i lean more toward the idea that ben didn’t see anyone and was putting on a little show. but i love when ben is like, “well i certainly hope jacob helps you,” after he fucking shoots locke. hilarious. the one thing i hate is ben’s weird infatuation with juliet, but i’ll probably talk about that more in s4 when we get the dreaded flashback. also i think you can really see ben’s desperation at the end of this season, like for once he’s telling the truth - these people that are coming to the island are bad!! they’re gonna kill people!!! but no one listens. which, i can’t really blame them, ben is a known liar and manipulator, but i think it’s interesting how genuine ben’s motives are. he just wants to protect the island. seeing him get beat up again was also kind of funny not gonna lie. the writers really just want you to hate ben so bad ( like pretending he got sayid, jin, and bernard killed ) alongside other shit, but he’s just sooo likeable i don’t care about his crimes. and he really didn’t do anything that insane. anyway, ben was my man, and i cannot wait to see him be his best self in s4.

desmond – i adore desmond. i forgot how much i love him in this season, he’s seriously great in every scene he’s in. his plot with charlie is definitely s3’s most redeeming quality, and i find it insanely funny that the B Plot is more interesting than whatever the hell is going on with the others / jack, kate, and sawyer. ‘flashes before your eyes’ was nominated for an award and i think that’s telling to how fucking amazing that episode is. i got full body chills when eloise tells desmond that things have to play out as they were meant to, and especially when desmond tells charlie that he’ll have to die. it’s just amazing. he’s such a great guy and i think every single one of his centric episodes rock, he’s just an amazingly written character and the show wouldn’t be nearly the same without him.

charlie – charlie becomes one of my favorite characters in this season. he kinda drops down in s2 for obvious reasons, but he’s just SO great in s3. his plot is by far the most interesting and devastating. him coming to terms with the fact that he’s going to die, desmond saving him multiple times, ‘greatest hits’ … oh man that episode fucking destroyed me. i hadn’t seen it in a few years so i really got hit hard with his flashbacks and his interactions with everyone else - literally right before he’s knowingly going to his death. when he’s got tears in his eyes before he goes down to the looking glass??? i nearly died. it’s so fucking sad. and we also talked a bit about how so many of his other deaths have to do with water … foreshadowing or coincidence? no idea but i love it either way. obvs ‘not penny’s boat’ is iconic and for good reason too. his death just hurts. i love charlie and i’m sad to see him go, but his death does kick off major things for s4 so it is important, no matter how tragic it is.

hurley – i loved hurley this season. his interactions with the other survivors, especially sawyer, are just great - and him being the one to get all of this important information ( naomi telling him that flight 815 was found, finding out ethan wasn’t on the plane ) definitely hints at his future in the show. ‘tricia tanaka is dead’ is one of my favorite episodes in the entire series and hurley is just great in it. the fucking asteroid makes me die laughing every time. i really love him trying to fix up the van and that whole scene is just great. overall, i adore hurley in s3 and, as usual, i look forward to seeing more of him in the next one.

sawyer – he might just be at his funniest this season. i enjoyed his relationship with kate, a lot, and i just really love him in s3! ignoring the whole surgery plot, once sawyer makes it back to camp and has to act as a stand-in leader of sorts, being tricked by hurley into doing nice things - i just love when he does shit like that. and helping with the van, trying to solve the whole nikki and paulo fiasco … he’s just great. i have nothing bad to say about him ( ever ) and i think he can just be really sweet and does cute things and I LOVE HIM!!

nikki & paulo – oh, i bet you didn’t expect to see these two up here, did you? let’s be real, they were never going to go into honorable mentions because i have too much to talk about with them and ‘exposé.’ anyway, as surprising as it sounds, i really liked paulo. i genuinely felt bad for him - i mean, obviously not killing someone and stealing the guy’s diamonds - but, you know, for the way nikki treated him. more than anything, paulo wanted the diamonds to be gone so that he and nikki could just … be a normal couple, without that hanging over their heads forever. and to have nikki do what she did to him?! it’s sooo fucked up and it just made me feel awful for him. as for nikki, i did not like her, but i did love the scene at the beginning of the episode where she’s playing as a stripper. “razzle dazzle!” what a stupid yet iconic quote. that episode is just so fucking dumb and funny, i can’t not love it. another one of my favorites in the series. anyway, i think nikki got a good taste of karma for what she did to paulo, but their deaths were just absolutely horrific once you find out they’re paralyzed and are being buried alive!!! i swear i think about that shit all the time and it makes me shiver. anyway, love these random ass side characters and i think it’s funny they got killed off so quickly ( especially considering this was only done because fans hated them so much ). rip nikki and paulo you guys didn’t deserve that but you had a great flashback episode.

kate – kate was … meh? she didn’t annoy me, but nothing she did really stood out to me. i only enjoyed her scenes with sawyer, pretty much, as i think their relationship is really fun ( and better than whatever the fuck kate and jack have going on ). genuinely kinda hurt me tho that she blamed herself for jack not being able to get off the island. like girlie that was all ben and locke! not you!! the gays will be gay let them do their thing. anyway i can’t think of anything else interesting with her, sooo that’s about it.

locke – this is the start of the best relationship in the series, which would beeee you guessed it! locke and ben. at least to me. nothing lives up to these two and some of the shit they say to each other??? fucking insane. it’s so gay i can’t even fathom it, especially on ben’s side. i really love the ways they both affect each other, ben’s consuming jealousy of locke because of his relationship with the island, locke’s anger at ben because more than anything he wants to trust him - it just fucks me up. and, obviously, i love their slow burn friendship in s4 but i’ll talk about that more when we get there. anyway, i think locke did some crazy shit this season but i really liked him at the end, when walt tells him he has work to do and he kills naomi - putting him and ben on the same side of this situation. it’s interesting how devoted locke is to the island, but obviously he still has his morals and no matter how much he wants to, he can’t shoot jack. and i think that’s kind of the difference between him and ben - locke embraces his humanity despite the island’s commands, while ben completely foregoes his. for the rest of this season i didn’t hate locke but i didn’t necessarily love him either. he faded into the background a little bit for me, but i do love the episode where we see him get thrown out of the building. fucking crazy. he really just blew up a lot of shit this season and i’m here for it. makes me think of that meme from s6 of ben, richard, and miles and their moniger “team blow shit up.” i love it. embracing locke’s absolute insanity in the wake of MiB … anywho, yeah, locke on his own didn’t hit so much but alongside ben he really captures my attention. love when he tells ben that he’s the man behind the curtain, the wizard of oz. it’s so good!! locke’s delivery is always great and i think he’s just a phenomenal character ( and terry o’quinn kills it with the acting ). enough said from me.

sayid – i’m gonna be so honest, i didn’t give much of a shit about sayid this season. the only episode that hits for me is ‘enter 77,’ when sayid, kate, and locke first encounter mikhail and we get that flashback of sayid and the woman he tortured, as well as her cat. the whole story she tells about the cat as well as herself … it definitely made me a little emotional. otherwise, i didn’t care much for sayid but i didn’t have many qualms like i did with him in s2. he’s kind of just there.

claire – i wish i had more to say on claire but i really don’t. she literally did nothing for me this season, i didn’t care about her that much, but i did like her flashback episode and her thing with the birds ( not that it’s going to help anything ). aside from that, i have nothing else to talk about! moving on…

juliet – i do really enjoy juliet’s presence in this show, she’s one of my favorite characters and i love the way she’s written. her short-lived thing with jack is not really my thing, but we can move past that. oh and her flashbacks also don’t hit for me, ever, but that’s not really her fault. anyway, her hatred of ben is interesting ( which is for valid reasons, obviously ) and i think it’s cool to see an other who slowly merges with the survivors because it’s the first time that she can really get away. i think she’s definitely the beginning of these two groups coming together, which will be needed in s4 considering who’s coming to the island. juliet genuinely cares for people but carries out ben’s orders nonetheless - until she really has the option not to. and the little bits we get of her and sawyer are fun, i’m excited to see how they develop more in s5. overall she’s a great character aaaand i look forward to seeing her on screen again.

sun & jin – jin was fun this season, i liked his little friendship with hurley/charlie/sawyer with the van, and then later with hurley/charlie/desmond when they go camping. love the little scary story he tells, i just really enjoyed him. sun was alright, didn’t stand out to me too much, but i do really like the episode where she goes to the staff to get an ultrasound. she and juliet are interesting there, and i loved sun’s reaction to the baby being jin’s … it was just so human and kind of ripped my heart out, like she’s crying in joy but also she knows she’s going to die, but that’s okay because at least she didn’t betray jin in this terrible way. anyway, i can’t think of much more to do with these two, but i love their relationship as usual!

eko – we don’t get to see eko much in this season, but his centric episode is fucking great and i looooove his deal with the smoke monster. my thought has always been that eko was a candidate and the monster was testing him, looking through his memories to see what could be exploited - and most likely see how impressive of a candidate he would be, considering eko didn’t even flinch when he first saw the monster. then in s3 we get MiB leading him away, posing as his brother, and my assumption is that because eko doesn’t feel guilt for the things he’s done, because he doesn’t need the island or anyone else on it, he is no longer a candidate. so the smoke monster fucks him up because of it. this would also make sense because eko doesn’t move on with everyone else at the church, he moves on right then and there with yemi. i do adore eko’s quote, “i did not ask for the life that i was given, but it was given nonetheless. and with it, i did my best.” that fucking kills me. puts tears in my eyes just thinking about it. i was really sad to see him go but i do think his death is intriguing and leaves a lot to think about. rip eko tho </3

honorable mentions:

richard – didn’t get a lot from him this season, but i fucking love him. he’s one of my favs. enough said.

roger work man – i hope you fucking choke and die <3

ethan – a jumpscare every time he appeared on screen. surprisingly enjoyable to see again, i found myself liking his character. i think he just got cabin ( jungle? ) fever and went a little crazy, that’s all.

arzt – great little cameo and i loved his bug collection. so sad he exploded.

taller ghost walt – WALT I MISSED YOU!!! THERE’S MY BOY!

[purgatorical]

Obey Me Character Info: Miyuno

I’ve done one of these in the past but I saw one I’ve never seen before so Im doing a refresher for Night Bringer

This is from the template that EveningStar1516 made with the template HERE

Again I’m gonna make one for Miyuno, Kie, and Taxike with Miyuno starting under the cut uwu

PERSONAL INFO 

Name: Miyuno

Nickname: Miyu (thanks ace :D )

 Age: 26

 Height: 6′5

Weight: Heavy set with a tummy and muscles

Race: Human/ Half Jamaican Half Japanese

Religion: Agnostic

Gender: Transmasc

Pronouns: They/He

Birthday: 5/13

 Star Sign: Taurus

Hair: Medium-Curly black hair pushed back by a headband with ram horns attached, a curl sticking out by each ear

Eye Colour: Light blue, white, and pink eyes 

Skin Tone: Warm-toned dark skin

 DEMONS 

Demons Pacted with: All of the brothers

Sin Order: Assuming this means favorite order for the brothers: Miyuno likes all of them so much so he won’t pick favorites. If it means what order they got all of their pacts, they got them in canon order.

Nicknames for the Boys 

Miyuno calls everyone by their first name for the most part or uses common nicknames that others have said so this might be a little boring.

Lucifer: Luci

Mammon: Mams

Leviathan:  Levi

Satan: Satan, Satnyan

Asmodeus: Asmo

Beelzebub: Beel

Belphegor: Belphie

Diavolo: Dia

Barbatos: Barbatos. No nicknames.

Simeon: Sim

Luke: Luke :)

Solomon: Solomon 

PERSONALITY 

Personality Traits: Kind, Gentle, Caring, Easily Persuaded, not gullible per se but believes in the best in others. 

Background: An office worker who is thankful for the chance to get out of his job (and to never go back :) ) 

Why were they chosen for the program: Miyuno doesn’t quite know. They were just some person at some desk in some building when they were dropped into the devildom

Hobbies: Miyuno likes working out and doing yoga, reading fantasy novels, trying out new foods, and watching shows. They like creating cosplays but haven’t cosplayed much themselves

Likes: History, beaches, swimming, stuffed animals, teasing, fun pranks, and tea

Dislikes: Salty food, language classes, mean spirited pranks

APPEARANCE 

Casual Clothes 

S1: A large jacket with puffy wool around the collar and baggy sweatpants with a ram horn headband

S2: they’re a creature of habit and it takes them a long time to change clothes. They transitioned out of the headband around this time.

S3: A dark maroon Turtleneck with a green tweed sweater-vest on top

Uniform 

They wear their uniform perfectly, a bit of a stickler for the rules.

RELATIONSHIPS

Family

 Mother and Father: Although their parents were never hostile, things got very tense when they came out as trans. Ever since transitioning they have only spoken with their parents out of politeness during the holidays. They wonder if their parents even noticed they were gone.

Siblings: none

Pets: Miyuno was planning on getting a cat before getting taken to the devildom.

Friends: Outside of the Devildom Miyuno had a few friends in their office and a few friends in the local cosplay community. They would often make accessories for their cosplays

Past Lover: Miyuno has dated many people of all genders as they’ve grown up, but never really had a long term relationship. The longest they had was 18 months, but that was back in high school.

Been in Love: Miyuno felt like they were in love back in high school, they were dating their best friend and life was good. But when they graduated the went in opposite directions and Miyuno wonders if they just liked the idea of being in love

Have Crushes: Miyuno gets crushes easily, all it takes is spending time with Miyuno and matching up with their energy. They usually assume it to be a *friend crush* like wanting someone to be their friend. With the brothers it was different, he genuinely fell in love with each of them.

Believe in Love: Miyuno believes in love. Believes in caring for another and trusting and thinking about others. They believe you can love as many people as your heart can hold and each love can be different forms or different types. Variety of love and relationships is what Miyuno adores most about their partners. They love them each on their own way.

Type: Miyuno’s type varies based on the person. What he hates in one person he might adore in another. It’s more about the experience and friendship they have with people that makes them their type.

 Sexuality: Bisexual/Biromantic

Brother They Like the Most: Miyuno likes all of the brothers in their own way and cannot choose who they like more

Why: Miyuno has had such different experiences with the brothers that it wouldn’t be fair to try and rank them. They love them so so much that to even think of ranking them stresses Miyuno out to no end.

 Traits Looked for in Partner: someone to laugh with, someone to cry with, someone to help and someone to be helped. Someone to hold hands and hug and smile. Someone who gives love even if it’s in their own way.

Past Crush: Miyuno’s best friend from high school still comes up sometimes in phone calls and messages, to see how they’re doing. And Miyuno reminisces on their years of friendship and their attempt at romance. Perhaps to young to really try hard enough for each other.

GENERAL 

Favourite Food: Anything spicy, Parfaits, and unfortunately the Lunatic pudding :(. Solomon smuggled some back to the human world when they were first sent home.

Least Favourite: Salty foods, anchovies, tangerines, poison princess apples

Favourite School Topic: Potions, Devildom history

Least Favourite: Language Arts

Introvert/Extrovert/Ambivert: Ambivert

Favourite Movie Genre: Fantasy

Least Favourite: gritty action movies

Reads a Lot: Fantasy, loves the Lord of the Rings series

Favourite Animal: Guess :) (it’s sheep)

Least Favourite: Honestly loves most animals, but the least liked but still liked would be crawfish, too many legs makes them uncomfortable.

Favourite Music Genre: Classical but like Beethovens 7th and Flight of the Bumblebees, fast pace songs

 Least Favourite: I hate my wife and fuck my truck Country music

Do they Like Sweets: They don’t hate them but don’t have an overly sweet tooth. Prefer fruit parfaits and flan/cinnamon puddings over chocolate

 Do they Like Spicy Food: they LOVE spicy food. The hotter the better, they can’t feel the spice and it’s all just extra flavor for them

Do they Like School: They have had bad experiences at school but being in the devildom has renewed their love for learning. They like THIS school.

Pet Peeves: They don’t like people who are mean just to be mean. Having anger, feeling betrayed, or teasing is okay, but specifically being mean just to make someone feel worse about themselves when they’ve done nothing to you is the worst.

 Additional Headcanons:

Too many to put here honestly. But welcome to Miyuno again :)

[bisluthq]

I was wondering if your partner has any insight on this, I know he doesn’t work on vfx but maybe he has more knowledge of the subject if he works in post production.

I have seen some actors say they’re going to vote no to the deal based on some stuff Justine Bateman has been saying. But I have seen people say that the issues she has brought up are either things that are already done (filling a stadium with copies of the same person) or things that we won’t possibly have the technology for in the next 3 years. I know she said scenes should only use real people and I saw someone say you can’t hire thousands of extras for a battle scene because it wouldn’t be safe. That’s one of the reasons why we use cgi in those situations now, but that’s different from AI. I’ve also seen actors say that bigger actors are going to be able to say no to AI but smaller actors will lose jobs if they say no. I have also seen people say that the full body scan actors are worried about costs 10k per person to do and they would never spend that much on background actors, when they already make fake crowds with cgi.

I’m conflicted because it does sound like actors are overreacting and I can’t really see a full AI movie doing well anytime in the near future (and by that I mean a “live action”). I think we would get realistic games before a film, and while you can play a game and say the graphics are really good, I wouldn’t enjoy that in a movie. But at the same time, vfx people sound like they’re into AI so I’m not sure if I can trust them.

What are your thoughts?

So my bf is really into AI lol and thinks it's awesome. I think post people are generally just crazy into technology (based on him and other people I know in the industry) and because they're geeks like they geek out over new shit and rn they're geeking out over AI. He uses it a fair amount. He's not completely au fait with it yet because there's like a LOT to know but he's done a course and he's like suuuuper into it. His whole thing is like it makes things faster and easier and it's dope tech and he's like "people thought shooting on digital was 'cheating' at one point" and I'm like "that's true they really did." He also makes the point of like CGI can do most of what AI is doing but it takes far longer and you have to deal with the CGI people lol and they're all a bit weird.

Personally, I think AI is gonna affect jobs for a lot of BTS people unless you're getting on board and like using it and it's gonna affect jobs for mid level actors because yes 10K is a lot but it's cheap like longterm. I don't think it's gonna be used for crowds really but like yk Gunther from Friends? He could be AI generated now. Like that's the kind of role that could go to AI and cut production costs down. Random bitty part actors, especially on shows, could go to AI rather. There won't be full AI movies for a long time imo because 1) AI looks a bit weird lol like you absolutely can tell if it's fully AI 2) AI is not that smart rn like it needs to be spoken to a lot and in very particular ways and like creatives aren't into that it and geeks can't generate a film based on prompts imo.

Fwiw like I like AI lol - I did part of my bf's course with him because I found it interesting and again I'm teaching atm so there isn't a reason for me to stress about AI but I've used it for lessons also like Twinkl has an AI bot that lets you generate stories and comprehensions and I've done that live with kids and they get SO into it lmao like they think it's the coolest thing they've ever seen.

[teddy06writes]

You Didn't Need Us Then, We Don't Need You Now

Requested by this anon: "Okay I thought of this idea during Fundy's stream. Quackity and reader were engaged to Karl and Sapnap, but they left because of Karl losing his memory and Sapnap paying more attention to him. Quackity and reader then created Las Navadas to try and cope with everything that's happened to them. They created a little wedding area where they planned to get married with Sap and Karl. Flash forward to a year or two later, Karl and Sap stumble across Las Navadas and their two former fiancees. And they see everything they've done, including the little wedding area. which is perfectly designed as to how they wanted their wedding together. That's is as far as I got to the imagine in my head. If you could make a fic out of it that would be cool. If not at least you have this cute imagine in your head! 😊"

{Okay, so- so man feels, so many ideas. I haven't seen all of the Los Nevadas streams yet because I've got a lot of school stuff going on, but, I think I have a pretty good idea of what's going on. [also Slime from The Ground my beloved]}

Quackity x reader; Past: Sapnap x Karl x Quackity x reader

trigger warnings: maybe some swearing, slight descriptions of a panic attack, slight drinking

premise: After L'manburg was destroyed, two of your fiancées seemed to disappear. With just Sapnap left, you had been scared, but he assured you that the right thing to do was split up to try and find Quackity and Karl. And, well, you found Quackity, but when He found Karl.... something else had taken over, and suddenly Kinoko Kingdom was more important than finding you and quackity again. But thats fine. You and Quackity had been together in the begining, so what did you need from the other two? Las Nevadas could fill the void they left,,, and it did, until they happened to come knocking, right as you were finally moving on.

{Also, parental unit for everyone in Las Nevadas, I love it, brain is going brr so hard}

{also also, purpled is the forgotten eldest child of the server and no the ufo does not get blown up}

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It's gone, (y/n) it's all gone," You said with disbelief, staring over the barren, ashy place that had once been L'manburg and El Rapids, "We couldn't stop him."

Sapnap took in a shaky breath, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, "We were never could have. Even if the supplies weren't destroyed."

The remaining people had already cleared out, but you had only now come to see the damage, having been forced away from the battle by your fiancées.

"I could have helped." You fell to your knees, still staring at the wreckage.

Sapnap could only sigh at the broken look on your face. You had lost the only home you'd ever known, but what had he lost? Well, for one thing, Karl.

Karl was still no where to be found, and now it seemed that Quackity had disappeared.

He fiddled with the purple band that circled one of his fingers, "Look- we- we need to find Quackity and Karl. Q looked pretty bad the last time I saw him, and Karl-"

Resolutely you nodded, dragging yourself to stand, "Karl is Karl. He'll be happy that his statue missed being blown up. I think its Q we should be worried about. This place- El Rapids- that was everything to him."

"Well- how about you go find Quackity, and I go find Karl. We're bound to find them eventually if we split up." He offered.

You studied the look on his face, "You're covering for him. What's going on?"

Sapnap only shook his head.

Crossing your arms you turned toward the hill, and what was left of the prime path, "Quackity has the deed to some land. North of Spawn. Meet us there once you kind K, alright?"

"Okay." He said softly, leaning over to press a soft kiss on your cheek.

"Be safe." You advised, already starting away.

~~

It didn't take you very long to track down your Fiancé, in all the time you'd known him (much longer than you'd known the others), he hadn't changed too much.

So, when you made your way through the twisted paths near Pogtopia, he was up on the ridge, sitting on the rock that had for so long, doubled as a bench.

"It's good to see you're safe." You hugged your arms to your body, trying to keep your voice from shaking.

As soon as you were sitting next to him, he was leaning on you, "He destroyed everything- all that work- El Rapids-"

"I know." You wrapped your arms around him, finally letting your own tears fall, "I know."

"What are we gonna do? I just wanted a place for us- I just- I wanted to make a place for us- all we asked for was recognition- and now the only place that saw was recognizing us is gone."

It had taken a while for Quackity to stop talking about everything that had been destroyed. Even then he kept asking, "But- Just wanted to make a place for you guys, how are we gonna do that now?"

"We can still make a place," You assured him, even as you yourself were unsure, "We'll make our own little country. So far out where no one will be able to blow it up."

He seemed to take to the idea quickly, and that night, as the two of you sat together in the camp that had been made within the caverns of Pogtopia, he talked feverently of the country you two would make.

He talked of buildings, of businesses, and of wedding venues. The plans he made up that night, they were almost enough to make you forget about what had happened to your home.

"What about that land north of spawn?" You suggested, letting your head rest back on his shoulder.

Quackity thought about it for a moment, "I mean- its just some desert, but I think we could make it work."

"Good, I told Sap to meet us there once he found Karl."

He nodded, "We'll head up there, and start getting everything ready, and then when they're ready they can come up."

~~ This was how three months came to pass, with the busyness of planning the new city, the beginning of construction, the meetings with Sam to plan for the new economic system that the new country would spread through the lands.

Yet you still felt off. It had been that long and Karl and Sapnap had never returned, something must have gone horribly, horribly wrong. It nagged at you, constantly, Drove you sick with anxiety somedays.

"(y/n)."

You looked up from the designs for the next casino you had been going over, "Sam! I didn't know you were visiting today! What can I do for you?"

"Uhhh, I wasn't planning on it, you better come out here- it's Quackity, we had been discussing- some things. I don't know what happened but when he passed back through-" The creeper hybrid trailed off.

You quickly stood, rushing passed him and through the hall to the courtyard where Sam had left him, gasping for breath and tugging at his hair.

In an instant you were kneeling beside him, "Breath baby, breath."

"They- he- George- Kinoko- Sap- left- on purpose-" He blubbered.

"Hey, Q," You took his hands as gently as you could, "look at me. Breath, breath with me. Come on, breath."

Slowly, he began to calm down, and by the time Sam was long gone he slowly began to explain what happened.

"I was heading back from talking with Sam, I saw George outside the prison. He kept talking about something- about- Kinoko Kingdom..." He sighed.

"Kinoko- what?" You asked, confused.

He let his head drop into his hands, "Karl and Sapnap.... started another country- called Kinoko Kingdom... they didn't even wait for us."

You felt your heart drop, if you hadn't been holding his hands yours would've been shaking, "What-"

Quackity could only nod shakily as he pulled you into his arms.

"I told him to come back here- I told- why didn't they-" You muttered absently.

The only noise in the courtyard was from the fountains, and the small sniffles from the two of you.

You were still in a state of semi-shock and sadness when you felt his arms tighten around you.

"We don't need them anyway. Las Nevada's can prosper without them."

~~ "Purpled? You want to get him in on this?" Quackity frowned.

You shrugged, "He's a mercenary, he could be of some help around here."

Your fiancé studied your face for a moment, "No, that's not it. Why do you really want him here?"

"Look, he's-" You sighed, "The kids been through a lot. He doesn't really have anything anymore, he needs somewhere, someone at least. We owe that too him at least."

After a moment, he nodded, "I haven't spoken to him since I paid him for his help with that egg mess. He- didn't seem to like me being around."

"I'll try to find him, he'd talk to me, I'm sure of it." You stood up from your seat at the table.

"You're going now?" He asked, following you across to the coat room.

You nodded, tugging on your boots, "If I want to make it through to the Greater SMP before it gets dark. I'll see if Eret will let me stay the night, then I'll head out again."

"Be careful." Quackity advised once you were ready.

You pecked at his lips, "I always am."

The journey to the Greater SMP went quickly, and after a nights stay in Eret's castle, you had made your way to the UFO, disappointed to find it seemingly abandoned.

"How the hell am I supposed to find him if the one place he ever seems to be is empty." You muttered, glancing around the base of the UFO.

You shrugged off your knapsack, dropping it to the side, followed by the sword that had been at your hip, and then you began to climb.

Even the inside of the UFO was completely empty, devoid of any chests, crafting tables, or furnaces.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

You jumped, turning to find Purpled, in full netherite, sword gripped tight in his hand.

"I- We've been looking for you." You fumbled for an explanation, holding up your hands in a sort of surrender.

He scoffed, "I already did a job for you people, I'm busy now."

"Not for a job Purpled!" You couldn't help but exclaim, "Some people actually try to find you for more than just that."

"Then what do you want?" He snapped.

"Did Q tell you about Nevadas?"

Purpled frowned, "Yeah, he mentioned it."

"Well, I think you should join. Come in on the project."

"Why the hell would I do that?"

You sighed, "Look, Purpled, you- everyone here, in this smp, they don't care, they don't bother to know you. You- you don't really have a place here-"

"You think I don't know that?" Purpled's grip on his sword tightened.

"So, If you come with us, join Las Nevadas, you can have a place- have people who care. You need people, Purpled."

"I don't Need anyone." He insisted.

You sighed, "Someday your going to have to see that that's not true. Please consider joining Las Nevadas, no one here cares, but we do."

"That's not true," He said bitterly, "You just need me to do another god damned job."

With a shake of your head you turned, preparing for the climb back down, "Purpled, this smp isn't kind to children, but I think it's been the most unfair to you. Out here your being forgotten, but you might not be if you join us."

~~

At the base of the UFO you were surprised to find a strange, slimly looking boy digging through your bag.

"Hey!" You yelled, "Don't touch that! It's not yours!"

He looked up and froze, realizing he'd been caught.

You snatched your things away from him, quickly unsheathing your sword, "Who are you?"

"Uhhhh, I'm a meat person- same as you!" He offered.

"You- you're- uh-" You sputtered for a moment confused, "Why were you touching my things?"

"Uhhhhh, Dap me up!" He said avoiding the question.

You stared at him for a moment, "I don't have time for this."

As you started back toward the prime path you heard him call, "Nice to meet you (y/n) from Las Nevadas!"

"How do you know my name?" You demanded, whirling around.

"Oh, I know a lot of things." He laughed, "I see lots 'a stuff."

You frowned, "Uh huh. I'm gonna- walk away now."

~~ A week had passed, and there was still no signs of Purpled, nor Fundy or Foolish, (both of whom Quackity had gone to speak to whilst you were away), coming to Las Nevadas.

You were sure that Purpled would come around eventually, but had no faith that anyone else would join Las Nevadas, until you had heard a strange noise in the night.

It had been a cross between a clang and a yell, and then almost like something being dragged.

You had been going over some of the contracts you had been preparing for if anyone ever did show up when you'd heard it, and your fiancé seem to be gone from his own office, and your bedroom even, so quickly you armed yourself with your sword before hurrying out after the noise.

The streets of Las Nevadas were still partially lit by street lamps as you hurried along, it didn't take you long to find your fiancé, just outside of city limits, pacing In front of a strange looking hole.

"What the hell are you doing?" You hissed.

"Hey! It's (y/n) from Las Nevadas!"

You jumped at the voice, turning to see that no, the hole wasn't green, that the same slime boy from before was sitting in it.

"You! What are you doing here?!" You exclaimed.

"Quackity from Las Nevadas put me in this hole!" He said cheerfully.

Quackity grabbed your shoulder, turning you away from Slime and the hole, "You know him?"

"He was trying to look through my stuff after I talked to Purpled," You explained, glancing back over at the hole, "Said he sees just about everything, uhh, as far as I can tell, he's like the hybrids- but- weirder."

"Nope! I'm just a totally goopless guy! I'm bones and stuff!" He called from the hole.

"Oh god we have crazy people here." Quackity muttered scrubbing a hand over his face.

You moved to crouch next to the hole, "What- uh- What are you doing here buddy?"

"Oh I'm just oozing around. Dap me up!"

Confused, you complied, nervously laughing as he grinned at the handshake.

"I found him spying in the restaurant." Quackity sighed.

"What's spying?" The boy in the hole asked, "I just listen."

"Yeah well tell me exactly what you heard or I'll ill you right now!" Quackity threatened, pulling out his sword.

He hummed, "Well, I saw you, and I saw (y/n) from Las Nevadas. And there was a green guy, and a purple guy. I know of a Red guy, dead guy but he's not dead anymore-"

Your breath hitched, "Dead guy?"

"Yeah, looked real ashy- maybe even ...sooty?..." He confirmed.

Quackity glanced back at you, "And he's not dead anymore?"

"No. He's weird now. Got gray hair instead of grey skin. Used to run a country- got blown up though."

"How much have you seen man?" You asked, incredulous.

He shrugged, "I mean, I move slow but I've seen a lot. Lately a lot of conversations about taking advantage of the ever so fragile human psyche through gambling."

"Holy shit." you muttered.

Quackity glared up into the night sky, almost looking for an answer.

Shifting closer too look at the boy you frowned, "What's all that green stuff?"

"Oh- those are just- my totally normal- human parts! I'm a person!" He grinned.

You sighed, "Uhh, look, what's your name? Like how I'm (y/n) from Las Nevadas, who are you?"

"Oh, I'm goop from the ground!" He smiled for a moment before realizing his mistake, "I mean- I'm a meat person!"

Quackity still seemed to be praying to the sky, not paying any attention.

"Goop from the ground," You muttered, slowly connecting the dots, "Well, uhh, goop, how bout I give you a regular person name?"

"A person name? Oh boy!" He laughed.

You thought for a moment longer, "How about- Charlie?"

Charlie grinned, somehow even wider than before, "Woah! I have a real human name! Like any other regular human meat person!"

"Yep, you do." You chuckled.

"And, to be clear, I definitely am one of those, and not a piece of goop, that's slowly come to the surface, hiding as a person!"

As you continued to talk with Charlie, Quackity seemed to come to a realization, "He's like an accidental spy!"

And, when you helped him out of the hole Quackity was quick to say, "Well, this- this- was- was uh a formal greeting! Yeah that's what we call them!"

"Wow!" Charlie mused.

The walk back to Las Nevadas was quiet, until Charlie turned to you, "(y/n) from Las Nevadas, if I'm Charlie- where- where?"

You smiled, "Do you want to be Charlie from Las Nevadas?"

~~

By the end of the same week, after having gotten Charlie fully on board, and slight agreement from Foolish, word finally came from Purpled.

You'd been working on the next phase of the whole Nevadas Project when Charlie rushed in, "(y/n) from Las Nevadas! There's someone here!"

You frowned, "Who?"

"Purpled from UFO!" He practically yelled.

Standing, you tucked your papers away, "That's perfect Charlie, thank you. Do you want to come with to help show him around?"

He nodded, following you out of your office.

Outside, you found Purpled, along with his dog, looking up at the casino in awe.

"Purpled! You came!" You called cheerfully.

The boy turned, a strange expression you couldn't read on his face, "What? No 'I told you so'? No 'I knew you'd come around eventually'?"

You shrugged, "I'm just glad you finally came."

He sighed, "It's not like they needed me anywhere else."

You put a hand on his shoulder, "That's alright, We need you here."

"They- I went to tell Ponk I was leaving," Purpled sounded too broken, too tired, "He said he was too busy to talk to me."

Before you could say anything, he continued, "I had a house, near L'Manhole. I- I uh blew it up, to see what would happen," His shoulders began to shake, ever so slightly, as he finished in a whisper, "No one even noticed."

In one quick move you wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him into a hug, "It's okay Kid, it'll be okay now."

That was how your fiancé found you, standing outside the main casino, a teen all but sobbing into your shirt, Charlie looking on confused.

~~

And so, the time passed, Las Nevadas grew, and you and your new little family did along with it.

Quackity found it funny, really, your ability to bring people onto your side be connecting with them emotionally, and as he put it, all but adopting them.

Charlie still took up a room in the apartments you and Quackity staid in above the offices. Purpled would come over when things around the country weren't so busy, and you'd talk for hours, Foolish joining in some of the time.

Fundy, on his first night in the city, had broken down to you, the same as Purpled, but you'd helped him put himself together. Though Tommy, Tubbo and Ranboo didn't have official places in Las Nevadas, it seemed a chunk of their time was spent there.

Yep, that was your new strange family. You, Your fiancé and the kids but not really young enough to still be kids you accidently adopted.

Now, you reflected on this quietly, from the top of the needle.

"You okay?" Quackity asked softly, looking over at you.

You chuckled softly, "Can you believe that it's been two years?"

"No, can you?"

You shook your head, "You know, I've been thinking. A long time ago, you told me we were better off with out Karl and Sapnap."

He watched silently, as you pulled the other two rings that you had kept, holding them up by the chain they were strung on.

"Maybe- you were right- and maybe it's finally time to get married. Just us. We didn't need them to get here, we won't need them for anything else."

A small smile slipped onto Quackity's lips, "Would you marry me?"

"You already know the answer to that." You chuckled.

"So it's a yes?"

"Obviously." You scoffed.

"When should we have the ceremony then?" He asked.

"Right now," You mused, "We opened that wedding hall for a reason, right? We could get married proper, right now. It's already decorated the way Tubbo originally planed."

He laughed, "Let's do it tomorrow that way we have time to get like, notices out and shit."

You smiled, "Of course."

The sun had begun to set during this discussion, and you looked out over the peaceful landscape with a soft sigh, yes, this, this was home.

And even as you heard Charlie tripping and crashing his way up the stairs, the thought still filled your head.

"Quackity and (y/n) from Las Nevadas!" He exclaimed, "Purpled from Las Nevadas found some people by the border!"

In an instant, both you and Quackity were standing, "What were they doing?"

"Looking around, real weird like. Fundy From Las Nevadas said they might be here to attack us! I hope they aren't."

You followed Quackity past him and back down from the tower, drawing your sword as Charlie called out where he had left Purpled and the mystery people.

What you found was not what you expected.

Purpled stood, sword drawn and pointed at the men you least expected to see now.

Karl looked scared, tucked back behind Sapnap who was moving to draw his own sword.

Not another move!" You barked, moving to stand in line with Purpled.

Karl's face light up upon seeing you, "(y/n)! Quackity! I missed you!"

"Did you?" Quackity spit.

"Sapnap drop your sword." You commanded, not paying attention to the strange look on their faces, no one, and I mean no, pulled a sword on your family.

He frowned, "Wh- (y/n) don't be like that. I get it- but- why..."

"What are your intentions? Why have you come here?" You asked.

"We wanted to find you!" Karl said, "We missed you (y/n)."

"Uhh, that's (y/n) from Las Nevadas to you." Charlie said.

Quackity sighed, grabbing Charlie by the collar and pulling him back, "Sorry- he's been learning sass and sarcasm lately."

"Still, what are you doing here?" You pushed.

"We wanted to find you! You've been gone so long, we thought we'd go looking." Sapnap explained.

"We've been gone?" You scoffed, "You were the ones who disappeared."

Karl moved forward, grabbing your left hand, and Quackity's right, "We just wanted to come back, to finally get married."

You pulled away, slowly sheathing your sword, "You can't be serious?"

"What do you mean?" Karl asked, the smile just beginning to drip off his face.

"You fucking left us- We were just trying to make a place for the four of us to be safe and you left us! And now you want back? Out of the blue?" Your voice steadily grew louder, "You cannot show up here after abandoning us like that!"

Quackity gently took your hand, murmuring, "(y/n)..."

"No. They don't get to do this!" You turned to him, watching his face change upon seeing the mix of anger and sadness in your eyes.

"W- We'll talk about this tomorrow, away from the kids," He asserted, for once not earning any protest about age from Purpled or Fundy, "Charlie, you think you can take these guys on a tour of the place?"

He nodded eagerly, "This way this way!"

As Sapnap, Karl, Purpled and FUndy began to trudge after him, Quackity turned to you, "(y/n)?"

You just shook your head, pulling your hand out of his and starting away.

~~ Purpled had followed the tour party quietly, taking a page from Charlie's book and watching, observing everything.

He had seen the pain in your face at the suggestion of marriage, and the anger in Quackity's just upon seeing them.

So, he followed the men warily, watching the way Karl exclaimed about how he had built an Effile tower just like the one in the city in Manberg, and the way that Sapnap mentioned fondly how the décor at the wedding hall matched the ones you two had always spoken about.

Hearing it nearly drove him mad. Did they not realize that it had all been for them? That dreams of them arriving were the only thing that had ruled Your and Quackity's minds?

When Charlie had directed the group, which by now included some of the other tourists, past one of the bars, he stopped.

Inside, Quackity was slumped at the bar, a bottle of whiskey in hand.

"Drinking away your problems won't solve them." Purpled sighed, pulling the bottle away from him.

"We were doing so good without them. You know that Purp. But here they are, back and ready to fuck things up again. That's how it's always been." He muttered.

The boy shook his head, "They don't realize how destructive they are? Do they?"

"Never have." He sighed.

"Lets get you back home."

Quackity allowed himself to be manhandled into standing, and then led out of the bar, back toward the offices, and toward the apartment.

"(y/n) will figure it out. They always do." Purpled assured him, pulling open the apartment door and ushering him in.

"But they shouldn't have too," He sighed, running a hand through his hair, not bothered by the way his beanie fell to the floor, "They've dealt with so much without help. Yet they're always the ones to help us."

~~

Once he had wrangled Quackity into the bedroom, Purpled headed back out, finding Fundy at the base of the Needle, "They up there?"

"Yeah," The hybrid sighed, "Quackity?"

"Got drunk. He's- painfully coherent though." He winced.

Fundy ran a hand through his hair, "It's hard to believe one of the nicest people around is the one to fuck them up like this."

"Makes perfect sense to me," Purpled said as they began to make their way toward the stairs, "My first night here- I was having a hard time, because- the whole server acted like I didn't exist. (y/n) told me about how Sapnap and Karl had abandoned them."

"Did it seem this bad though?" Fundy asked.

"No- but that was before they turned up again talking about marriage."

By now they had reached the top of the tower, and Purpled could see where you sat by the ledge, feet dangling over. Quietly, they both sat down on either side of you.

"How's Q?" You asked quietly after a moment.

"Drunk, but back at your apartment, well supplied with water." Purpled reported.

You nodded, "And K and- Karl and Sapnap?"

"Waaay to blissfully ignorant." Fundy said.

Quiet held you three in silence for a moment, until at last Purpled sighed, asking, almost bitterly, "So- are you gonna marry them? You were going to once."

"Even if I did it wouldn't change anything here." You mumbled.

"Sapnap was talking about how cool it would be to come back and visit from Kinoko after the honeymoon." Fundy admitted.

Before you could say anything Purpled drew one of his knees to his chest, "I- don't- it feels like they'd be taking you away from us- I like it the way it is. Things are nice, and they're just fucking it up."

Fundy nodded, "As much as I hate to say it, he's right. If you people all get married nothing will be the same. I kind of liked having parental figures, I don't want them messing that up."

"They won't." You promised softly.

By god, if you hadn't already made up your mind, their words would've swayed you.

~~ After a while, you stood, "Let's go home."

They followed you tiredly, Charlie joining the mini procession at one intersection, telling you that Sapnap and Karl had gone to get a hotel room.

At the apartment, Quackity was sitting on the couch, already seeming more sober than Purpled had told you. When you sat next to him, his arms were quick to wrap around you, holding you like a lifeline.

Charlie took his place on the other side of the couch, Purpled curled up in the armchair, and Fundy dug around until he found one of the old projectors he'd left there, queuing up a movie.

"Hey, just like on Nightmare's days!" Charlie laughed, referring to the infamous 16th, where, just about every month it seemed you, Fundy, Quackity and sometime Purpled would have nightmares of the Manburg Pogtopia war, and everyone would congregate in the living room to watch one of Fundy's movies.

"Sure as hell feels like one." Quackity muttered.

And so you watched the movie, though your thoughts drifted, thinking of how you would deal with your reappearing ex-fiancés.

As you thought, you created a mini script in your head. Exactly what you would say came you.

"You didn't need us then, and we don't need you now."

Yes, you thought, leaning more into Quackity's side, thats what you'd say, after you talked about your new family.

(and the next day, you did just that)

[inkmemes]

young  royals  (  2021  )  sentence  starters ↪  taken  from  netflix’s  swedish  ya  drama.  non-contextual  spoilers.  trigger  warning  for  mentions  of  sexual  activity,  drugs,  alcohol,  death,  implied  internalised  homophobia,  bullying.  alter  as  you  see  fit  ♡

“at least you can stay for a cup of coffee?”

“hey, wait up. did you sleep together?” 

“he's probably making out with someone. forget it.”

“i can't take it anymore.”

“what are you doing?”

“and he had to finish your sentence. what's going on? you like him.”

“every time you see your dad, you get all depressed.”

“you're still here, so obviously you must want something.”

“are you high? what the hell are you on?”

“does this make you horny?” 

“i like [town name], but i don't want to live here forever.”

“you can leave now. go home. i'm staying here for the weekend.”

“do you want chocolate?”

“how do you feel?” 

“it's kind of hard to tell them apart, you know.” 

“you're a worthless drunk.”

“you … you need to figure out what you want. and you can take all the time you need. and i respect that. but you have to do it by yourself. i don't want to be anyone's secret.”

“you have to stop pretending that you're not afraid.”

“that's the thing, i just don't want that.”

“it's something new. something fresh.”

“can we talk privately for a minute?” 

“and if anyone gives you a hard time, you know, just let me know, and i'll take care of it.” 

“you do know you don't need to hide?” 

“are you gonna let us in?”

“promise to let me know if there's anything i can do.”

“hey, we won't go blind from your moonshine, right?”

“i'm just getting a good vibe. that's all.”

“you're so fucking pathetic.”

“you realize that this will have consequences?”

“he's such a fucking idiot.”

“i wanted us to have a few minutes alone.”

“when you're young, love feels like the most important thing in the world.” 

“i really like you.”

“felt like i had to rescue you from that situation.”

“it got so damn hot in there, i thought i'd get some fresh air.”

“you are allowed your own opinions. it's cool.”

“i've seen the way you look at each other.”

“here, this one is a little big for me, but i think it'll look great on you.”

“do you think royal dick is different than regular?”

“you're the only one here i feel i can actually talk to.” 

“i haven't heard anything yet, but i'll tell you as soon as i do.”

“you can't just lie here jerking off.”

“i don't want to go to some fucking boarding school!”

“i've missed this place so much.”

“are you going to horror movie night on friday?”

“but i like you. and that is not fake.”

“you don't need to share everything.”

“we should go to a concert again sometime.”

“you're fucking crazy!”

“where have you been? i've been trying to reach you.”

“just don't use the school's wi-fi for porn surfing. could be embarrassing.”

“but no matter what, they can't dictate what you say.”

“sorry about last night.”

“i don't want to talk to you!”

“i don't wanna sound like an idiot.”

“i was thinking, would you like to have a sleepover at my place? because that's something friends do. it's going to be really cozy.”

“i think maybe we should forget about that.”

“you can't really see that it is you.”

“i mean, it could be anyone. it's so fucking stupid.”

“i don't want to say anything.” 

“now you're doing it again. you're trying to take care of me.” 

“i can take it, it's okay.”

“that's not true. i haven't spoken to my parents.”

“we haven't done anything wrong.”

“you're beautiful! you're so beautiful.”

“i'm gay, [name].”

“seriously? what the fuck is your problem?”

“you keep letting people piss on you!”

“i just assumed you didn't want special treatment.”

“keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

“so you thought you'd start spreading false rumours without having any proof?” 

“i just didn't want to lose you.”

“uh, there's pizza left if you want some.”

“everybody thinks you're perfect. you know that, right?”

“he's just been outed.”

“i'm going to fuck this up.”

“he bloody ruined my fucking life!”

“why are you sitting in your room sulking when you have a crush to hang out with?”

“hi. sorry, i was feeling a bit better. so i thought it was okay that i hung out with some friends.”

"everyone should be allowed to live as gay or straight or whatever they want.”

“i woke up in my own bed. that's always something.”

“could i just have one second? just one second alone, please?”

“i’m sorry. but it was, like, the only way.”

“i thought, everyone deserves a second chance.”

“i'm sorry about the mess. i wasn't expecting such distinguished company.”

“i just don't want you to be treated badly again.”

“oh, fuck.”

“you don't even… aren't you even gonna answer me?”

“i didn't know that one was supposed to sign up.”

“in real life, you don't pay to get ahead.”

“and what the fuck does your dad do?”

“let's try to have some table manners.”

“it's, like, really serious.”

“who the hell can live like this for three fucking years?”

“that's what happens when you buy the cheap ones.”

“i need your help with something. ”

“being a prince is not a punishment, but a privilege.”

“it's awesome to just chill out.”

“or maybe he lied about that too. what do i know?”

“you have to give people a chance.”

“you have to try to see it from my perspective.” 

“what the hell's this?”

“what happened to "we should forget about it"?”

“stop being so fucking stubborn and try to understand my situation.”

“sometimes it's better not to say everything.” 

“i was just bored.”

“have you ever had a boyfriend?”

“sometimes it's better to keep quiet.”

“can i get you some coffee?”

“nobody else cares about these things.”

“i lost track of time.”

“everybody does the same things and everybody knows everybody.”

“thanks for rescuing me yesterday.”

“remember when he came up to us the first week and was like, "what's up?"”

“i need you to delete all our texts.”

“i can't keep doing this anymore.”

“are you gonna let them go on with their bullshit?”

“i want to be with you.”

“here's a blanket, a pillow, and bed sheets. there you go.”

“okay, yeah. you don't seem to have grasped what i'm trying to say.”

“it's usually boring as hell.”

“he's been dealing to us for months.”

“i don't want to talk to him.”

“don't you wanna date [name] anymore?”

“i don't know why he's started texting me again. he knows i don't want anything to do with him.” 

“yeah, we had a shitload of drugs.”

“we could murder someone, and nobody would say a word.”

“she needs some fun.”

“he's just doing it to fuck with me.”

“it's such a weird question.”

“i just wanted to say hi. i don't believe we've met. ”

“but i still want us to be friends.”

“if i were to stay here… would you… like to keep me company? just you and me.”

“everything's, like, upside down now.”

“have you always lived here?”

“damn it. sorry. shit. i completely forgot.”

“i'm sure someone has a story to tell.”

“you've got to put yourself first. i mean, no matter what he thinks about it.”

“come on! you can't just sit there stuck in your room.”

“you can snuggle up in my safe arms if it gets scary.”

“i want to live a normal life.”

“let me have a look. you can hardly see it.”

“any other dick that's been sucked?”

“you just expect everything to be on your terms.”

“i want to know everything!”

“you don't have to go there. i'll take care of myself.”

“has anyone ever told you how pretty you are?” 

“i'll just stay in and go to bed early.”

“thanks for explaining the schedule.”

“i'd rather die.”

“i don't want you to be mad.”

“promise to tell me if something is wrong.”

“i can't be dressed like this if you're dressed like that.” 

“it's really complicated.”

“it feels like you don't care what people think about you, or if you have a lot of friends and stuff.” 

“nobody asked you to come. feel free to leave if you want.”

“well, nobody has ever, ever asked for this!” 

“there isn't so much to do around here.”

“you've become such a snob.”

“i know you're only trying to help me.” 

“do you like it here?”

“i don't wanna go in there. we're not even invited. fuck this.”

“don't you think it's weird [name] invited us to come?”

“if they hadn't been here, would you've, uh, made out with me?”

“so, you're an actual proper couple now?”

“you're thinking about someone else.”

“you're right. we're doing this together.”

“thanks… for nothing.”

“why are you even so obsessed with him?”

“i want you to hold me.”

“call me when you want to be picked up.”

“what the fuck do you care?” 

“i don't think we're a couple or anything. i don't know what it is.”

“you never asked me!”

“your focus should be on comforting me so that i can comfort him.” 

“it's not that hard. you have to be able to keep up appearances.”

“famous people make videos like that.”

“maybe somebody forgot to tell me, as usual.”

“just make a move on [name] and show him what you want.”

“you wanna stay a while and jam?”

“have you talked to your parents about it?”

“a diverse bunch of losers, who'll never amount to anything.”

“why can't i decide how the hell i want to live?”

“apparently, i'm the only one who doesn't know everybody.”

“i used to have straight a's on every test.”

“it will damage our reputation.”

“i'm fucking starving.”

“why is it called tax "evasion" but welfare "scam"? it's all right that rich people cheat, but when poor people do it, it's messed up. for rich people, it's not even called "welfare”, it's called "deduction."”

“what the fuck is rowing?”

“what the hell have you done, [name]?”

“good voice, man.”

“why can't i just have a relationship with him?”

“did you have fun last friday?”

“all the people are fake. they're made out of metal.”

what do you want me to say? i'm sorry!”

“is this some kind of prank?”

“i like you when you are yourself!”

“but you like him, don't you?”

“she shouldn't talk to you like that.”

“are you into him?”

“something's not right, i think we should head back to the road.”

“do you have trouble sleeping?”

“doesn't anyone care what i want?”

“just don't tell anyone that i've been here.”

“i was going to text you back, but…”

“your only mistake was that you hung out with the wrong kind of people.”

“i just wanted to help.”

“i know you'll use anything to get high or drunk.” 

“it's time to stop being so selfish.”

“i just want my fucking money.”

“you should've planned ahead. didn't you bring a sandwich?” 

“who the fuck wants to be normal anyway?”

“you fucking told me you were the one i could always come to!”

“i take it back.”

“i can see there's something going on.”

“i have to finish getting ready, so if you could please leave.”

“no one likes me when i'm myself.” 

“i hope you have a nice christmas.”

“i'm gonna do the wrong things, say the wrong things.”

“my mom is gonna kill me.”

“do you remember what you said to me last night?”

“i cannot be dragged into this.”

“i like you too.”

“you're no longer a part of my family.”

“it's well-suited for smaller people.”

“i assume that he thought that it would make him popular.”

“i didn't ask for this!”

“it's no problem. i like doing it.”

“it feels like i'm gonna throw up.”

“don't i get any breakfast?”

“whatever i do, i can't do anything right.”

“we haven't been to any party whatsoever.”

“did you get my texts?”

“i think it sounds romantic.”

“uh, wait, you have to come to the horror movie night on friday.”

“i liked what you said in there, [name].”

“okay, maybe he used to be a player, but love can actually change you.”

“it's nice to make an effort and dress up for dinner.” 

“i'm in a fucked-up situation and i'm trying to talk to you.” 

“you don't understand. i was gonna pay it.”

“you're not that kind of guy.”

“i was about to go outside and, um, do you wanna come with?”

“what about me?” 

“it was… okay, i guess.”

“can i sit with you?”

“you call this a scary movie?”

“i have a million things to take care of, i don't have time to talk to you.”

“have you lost it completely?”

“but i'm starving.”

“this past year has been difficult for me.”

“i don't get it. she's making it into such a big deal.”

“no, this won't work. just take it off, please.” 

“i'm not like that.”

“fuck you. it's not a crush.”

“then i know that i can't count on you.”

“can't you come see me in [town] sometime?”

“it's just that we can't be seen together.” 

“he was still sleeping when i walked in.”

“doesn't bother me at all. i've seen it. absolutely. 100%.”

“[name] is really getting on my nerves! seriously.”

“i want us to be friends again.”

“i thought you and [name] were friends.”

“make sure you check your dms. okay?”

“you think it's fun to fuck with people like me?”

“never spend money you don't have. okay?”

“you think i'm stupid?”

“this sucks.” 

“how nice to see some smiles.”

“this isn't just about me, but my entire family.”

“i'm going to marry her.”

“are you threatening me?”

“don't you realize the shit storm that follows if i come out?” 

“i don't want you to talking to her.”

“remember what we saw during movie night? when they sat next to each other?”

“i love you.”

“i just want to hang out with you.”

"there's no point in having a back-up if you never use it."

“pretend i'm saying something clever.”

“how's [name]? he must be totally devastated.”

“what do you think they think we're talking about?”

“everything is fake. everything in the world is fake.”

“[name] is dead.”

“it just wasn't what i thought it would be like.”

“since when did you start liking him for real?” 

“what a fucking douchebag. god!”

“what the hell are you saying? chill out!”