it's very bad no good cupcake baking time for the hotel crew (save them) (charlie did you think this throu-) (NO)
Charlie: “I have! The most brilliant plan for a group bonding activity!”
Angel Dust: “Oooh~ Bondin’ or bond-”
Vaggie: “You live here for free.”
Angel Dust: “Buy my silence, Vaggity Fair, cause’ it sure ain’t free.”
Vaggie: (groans) (slips him a twenty) “Go on babe, what’s the mission statement?”
Charlie: “We should all bake CUPCAKES together!!”
Hotel Crew: "......"
Husk: “…Why.”
Charlie: “Beeeecaaaause it’d be so SWEET!”
Vaggie: “And you also live here for free.”
Husk: “Not of my own free will I don’t.”
Charlie: “Aw c’mon Husk, please? Baking is probably KINDA like drink mixing, right?”
Husk: “It’s not.”
Vaggie: (SIGHS) (slips him a twenty)
Husk: “I’ve got cooking sherry around here somewhere, I think.”
Alastor: “How thrilling! Extreme heat sources, flammable liquids, and so many little bottles and vials that couldn’t possibly get mix up with anything in the pest control cabinet!”
Niffty: “Hee hee hee…. Rat poison~”
Vaggie: “Twenty bucks and you LOCK that cabinet, okay?”
Niffty: “Thirty and a new knife set!”
Vaggie: (has given up) “Fine.”
Niffty: “OKAY!”
Charlie: “We need to go shopping anyway. We’ll need flour and sugar and uhhhh flavory things of some kind probably and um, those little paper thingies- the cup cake… skirts?”
Alastor: “Glad to see how prepared our intrepid leader is for this marvelous expedition!”
Charlie: “Cup cake… dollies…?”
Vaggie: “I’ll handle it. You remember how to pre-heat the oven?”
Charlie: “NOT with actual fire!”
Alastor: “Aww.”
Angel Dust: (handing back the twenty) “I want a new pair of fuzzy pink handcuffs. Mine broke~”
Vaggie: “I don’t want to know.”
Husk: (handing his twenty back too) “Beer.”
Vaggie: “Beer? You run the hotel BAR.”
Husk: “What, you think I nip stuff under the table at work?”
Alastor: “Oh there isn’t much thought needed when it comes to you, I’m afraid.”
Husk: “You think I LIKE that I do that? That’s the stupid hotel’s shit, can’t relax sneaking shots that aren’t mine, racking up a tab like that. This beer is gonna be only for me.”
Charlie: “Husk…”
Vaggie: “Great whatever, guilt free beer for the alcoholic.”
Alastor: “How touching. And I require-”
Vaggie: “What YOU need is a-”
Charlie: “Happy place!”
Vaggie: “-which I’m not picking up for you. I’ll get more cleaning supplies too while I’m at it.”
Charlie: “More? Vaggie, have some faith! We’re all adults here! It’s not gonna be THAT messy. We just need to measure things, maybe chop some stuff up first-”
Niffty: “KNIVES.”
Charlie: “-put all in a- blender-? A blender would work for mixing, right? Then pour the batter in the things and into the oven! Which I WILL remember to preheat this time. Without fire.”
Vaggie: “Good point.”
Charlie: “See!”
Vaggie: “We should stock up on first aid stuff too.”
Charlie: (pouting) “We’ll talk about it on the way.”
Vaggie: “Sweetie, thanks for wanting to help carry groceries, but I really think we need to divide and conquer here.”
Charlie: “Huh?”
Vaggie: “Husk is already halfway to the wine cellar.”
Charlie: “He wh- Husk wait! You can’t help make friendship cupcakes if you’re blackout drunk!”
Angel Dust: “Toots that’s the whole idea.”
Vaggie: “Fifty bucks if he’s still conscious when I get back. I’ll need him in the kitchen later if we’re gonna get through this alive.”
Angel Dust: “Spend it on getting’ him a really NICE beer and you’ve gotta deal.”
Vaggie: (eye twitch) “Why is all my money turning into drugs and sex toys?”
Niffty: “And KNIVES!”
Vaggie: “The one silver lining…”
Alastor: “You know, if you won’t extend simple shopping list courtesies to me, then I suppose I shall have to go shopping myself as well.”
Vaggie: “Keep your shopping on the other side of town from me or I’m coming home with a flat screen tv.”
Alastor: (annoyed channel switch sound) “….Noted!”
– LATER –
Hotel Crew: “………….”
Oven: (DING)
Vaggie: “…”
Vaggie: “….cupcakes are done.”
Charlie: “Oh yay. Whoo. Hoo.”
Hotel Crew: “…….”
Vaggie: “If no one takes them out they’re gonna burn.”
Angel Dust: “Let ‘em.”
Husk: “Little fuckers deserve to fry.”
Charlie: (exhausted) “No one deserves to burn for all eternity.”
Niffty: “Yeah! I wanna RIP THEM APART and STAB THE CRUMBS.”
Alastor: “Well that’s two votes for burning and two for rescuing, to a certain extent. I myself would like to try out these DARLING cupcake toppers that I found while out doing my shopping completely alone.”
Vaggie: “Oh my girlfriend’s dad shut up. You won’t die just because no one was listening to you for ten minutes.”
Alastor: “In any case, that makes three for rescue and two for burn, with you as the undecided vote, Vaggie. Choose wisely~!”
Vaggie: (sighing) “Someone hand me the oven mitts.”
Husk: “They’re in the fucking blender.”
Angel Dust: “What’s left of ‘em.”
Vaggie: “Fine. Someone move the pile of dirty dishes off Charlie so SHE can be our oven mitts.”
Charlie: “It’s so peaceful under here…”
Vaggie: “The friendship cupcakes are dying, babe.”
Charlie: “UggghHHHHHH ‘kay. Coming.”
Angel Dust “That’s what she sa-”
Vaggie: “KNIVES.”
Angel Dust “-cough cough cough! I didn’t say nothin’, I got a piece of walnut shell stuck in my throat!”
Alastor: “Usual night for you then, hmm?”
Husk: “Who the fuck put in walnuts?”
Vaggie: “Who cares. If they shelled them then it’s at least better than the coconut thing.”
Charlie: “Did we add anything that wasn’t nut related?”
Vaggie: “Uhhh.”
Angel Dust “Nope!”
Husk: “Is that the only thing you were keeping track of.”
Angel Dust “Hey I know my strengths and I’m stickn’ to ‘em!”
Charlie: “Speaking of strength and sticking… um…”
Hotel Crew: “……….”
Charlie: “They’re bubbling.”
Vaggie: “Yeah.”
Charlie: “Or, breathing?”
Vaggie: “Yeah…”
Charlie: “Is that normal? It feels kinda… not normal.”
Vaggie: “It’s. Impressive.”
Niftty: “They’re ALIVE!” (knife) “For now.”
Charlie: “Well I guess we shouldn’t REALLY judge them until we’ve actually seen what they taste like-”
Angel Dust “Not it!”
Husk: “Fuck no.”
Alastor: “I’m terribly afraid that I am on a diet.”
Vaggie: “You eat rotting deer carcasses.”
Alastor: “And THEY aren’t still moving when I chow in, ha ha!”
Charlie: “Okay well, I guess I’ll just…”
Vaggie: “Wait. You’re probably immune to half the stuff that’d kill us.”
Charlie: “Right, so I should-”
Vaggie: “You’re not a good example of what happens when a non-demon princess person eats these, sweetie. If wanna test for uh, quality control, it shouldn’t be with you.”
Hotel Crew: “…..”
Vaggie: “….hand me a cupcake.”
Husk: (edges out of the splash zone)
Charlie: “You don’t have to do this.”
Angel Dust: “But you totally should! After I get my phone out though, hold on a sec-”
Vaggie: “I’m standing right in front of Radio Head over here so don’t even THINK about recording this.”
Alastor: “Aww my dear little angel-”
Charlie: “Alastor.” (calm smile) (horns out) “Her name is Vaggie.”
Alastor: “-Vaggie, yes, I would almost be willing to make an exception to my own morals for you.” (grins at angel dust) “Almost.”
Angel Dust: (lowering his phone) “I was jus’ takin’ a selfie. You know. Since I’m covered in sticky white shit anyway.”
Husk: “This fucking sucks.” (shakes his paws)
Vaggie: “No. THIS does.”
Vaggie: (bites cupcake)
Hotel Crew: “……………..”
Vaggie: “….hm.”
Hotel Crew: (STEPS BACK)
Vaggie: “It’s… well it’s kinda…”
Charlie: (cringing) “Break up worthy??”
Niffty: “PAINFUL?”
Vaggie: “It’s.. Fruity..?”
Hotel Crew: (stares at still moving cupcakes)
Angel Dust: “No. Fuckin’. Way.”
Husk: “Since the fuck WHEN did they have fruit in them?”
Angel Dust: “They didn’t! I swear I checked!”
Charlie: “Are they, um, edible?”
Vaggie: “Well I wouldn’t sign them up for a baking competition but I’m not dying either, so.”
Charlie: (excited) “So we did it? We all made actual cupcakes together?”
Vaggie: (smiling) “We did it. Mission cupcake completed.”
Charlie: “HAHA YUS!” (fist pump) “FRIENDSHIP POWERRRRRRR!!!!”
Alastor: “Now now now, no cupcake is fully complete without a lovely floral topper!”
Angel Dust: “Ain’t THAT the truth~”
Alastor: “Which I bought. Alone. Without any second opinion to rely on.”
Vaggie: (rolls eye)
Charlie: “And they’re so cute! Thank you Alastor- you picked wonderfully. Everyone, get decorating!”
Niffty: (drooping) “No stabbing?”
Vaggie: “You can poke ‘em each with a knife to check that they’re done.”
Niffty: “HEHEHEH.”
Vaggie: “Poke them with the knife ONCE Niffty- hey- NO- don’t leave it inside-”
Angel Dust: “That’s what-”
Husk: “Will be on your gravestone if she fucking hears you.”
Charlie: “Awww~ Now they’re adorable AND delicious!”
Husk: “Don’t.”
Angel Dust: “I didn’t say nothin’!”
Vaggie: “I actually kinda wish you’d go back to sex jokes instead of whatever you’re doing to that cupcake”
Angel Dust: “There’s more than one kind of oral performance in the world~”
Vaggie: “Say that and then look at what Niffty’s doing to her cupcake.”
Husk: “Unholy fucking shit!!”
Niffty: (GLEEFUL CACKLING)
Charlie: “Okay well, we clearly each have our own… unique ways of enjoying these cupcakes. Some more uh, graphic and concerning than others-”
Angel Dust: “Why the fuck are the insides RED like that?! Who put in red dye???”
Charlie: “-but the point is we all came together to make these sweets! Which. Taste like strawberries?”
Vaggie: “I didn’t buy strawberries.”
Charlie: “A-at least it and the redness go with the rose themed toppers!”
Angel Dust: “Yeah, I mean, is it weird that out of this whole maybe-living cupcake thing, the professional spun sugar parts are the ones with the funkiest taste to ‘em?”
Vaggie: “….”
Vaggie: “Alastor. Where the fuck did you buy the rose themed cupcake toppers.”
Alastor: “Hmm? Does my private, SOLITARY shopping FINALLY interest you?”
Vaggie: “Where you literally on the other side of Pentagram City from me.”
Alastor: “I do believe that is what you requested, and I, being a proper gentleman even to someone who might be considered a less than proper lady, was only too happy to oblige!”
Charlie: “Vaggie are you okay? You’re looking kinda pale.”
Vaggie: “I’m.”
Vaggie: “Alastor did you get these rose themed toppers-"
Vaggie: "-in Cannibal Town?”
Angel Dust: “WHAT THE FUCK!?”
Alastor: “I did.”
Angel Dust: “FUCK!!!”
Husk: (hairball noise)
Charlie: “Oh no.”
Alastor: “Dear Rosie gave me quite the discount. Wasn’t that sweet of her?”
Charlie: “Oh. Nooooooooo-”
Alastor: “I think it utterly darling of her~”
Niffty: “Alastor, hey hey!”
Alastor: “Yes, murder of my eye?”
Niffty: “I stabbed my cupcake topper heheheh WHO did I just stab????”
Charlie: “NOOOOOO-”
Alastor: “I believe it was an unsatisfactory husband by the name of Bill.”
Niffty: (grinning) “A BAD boy?”
Alastor: “Not bad enough to escape Rosie’s Emporium intact but yes, in a manner of speaking.”
Niffty: “Oooh.”
Niffty: (snatches up another cupcake and hugs it) “For my collection.”
Charlie: “GAAAHM NOT HEARING THIS! I DIDN’T HEAR IT!”
Angel Dust: “GREAT CAN YA MAKE IT SO’S I DIDN’T EAT ANY OF IT EITHER!??!”
Alastor: “Not to your tastes, Angel Dust? And here I though you enjoyed have strange men in your mouth.”
Charlie: “DO WE KNOW HIS ADDRESS SO I CAN SEND AN APOLOGY LETTER???”
Alastor: “I suppose his business card might still be in the hand Rose tore off him-”
Charlie: “AAAAAGH!”
Vaggie: “Hostia. You really can’t not be the center of attention for five minutes can you.”
Alastor: “I can, truly I can and very happily! It seems however that YOU cannot withstand the consequences of your own, short-sighted actions.”
Charlie: “Um guys-”
Vaggie: “Oh yeah? You’re not the only monster here, dumbass.”
Charlie: “We’re getting a little off topic-”
Alastor: "But as I am the only one not mired in glorious self-pity, certainly I am the most impressive specimen here.”
Charlie: “Okay this is going a bit-”
Vaggie: “Impressive HA! Fuck your empty grin and your stupid suits. You’re not even the one with the highest body count.”
Angel Dust: “Are we talkin’ sex stuff orrr-?”
Vaggie: (takes topper off her cupcake and pops it in her mouth)
Hotel Crew: “………”
Vaggie: “What?”
Charlie: “Vaggie, um. Person.” (points) “Person food.”
Vaggie: “Sweetie, you know how murder crazy exorcist are. You really never thought we didn’t lick a little blood off our weapons now and then, to feel extra badass about slaughtering people sometimes?”
Charlie: (dazed) “I’m thinking about it now.” (covers cheeks)
Niffty: “BLOOD!”
Angel Dust: “Oh ew. Oh you're getting off on that- Oh that’s just-”
Charlie: “Part of her past, a thing EVERYONE has.”
Angel Dust: “BLEH.”
Husk: “Also step one to seeing her shitfaced.”
Charlie: “Ha haaa…” (claps hands) “Okay everyone- that’s a wrap on today’s bonding activities! I uh, I think we can save the clean up until we’ve all recovered from the actual cupcakes a bit, right Vaggie?”
Vaggie: (shrug) “Whatever.”
Husk: “About damn time.” (sighs) (walks out) “I’ll get the fucking vodka.”
Niffty: "HEE HEE." (carrying cupcake over her head) "TO THE COLLECTION!"
Angel Dust: “Hold up baby! I wanna get shitfaced too after this!”
Charlie: “Well I think it’s all very interesting! Angel stuff is interesting, isn’t it Alastor?”
Alastor: “Yes. Quite.”
Vaggie: “Uh-huh.” (slumps and drops cupcake) “Bill tastes boring as hell, by the way, maybe let Rosie know before she sells anymore of these.”
Charlie: “Oh? Maybe THAT’S why she gave such a steep discount?”
Alastor: “Perhaps.”
Charlie: “Awww cheer up Alastor. You can bring her some of our cupcakes as a thank you, now that we uh, we’ve um, had our fill of them already.”
Alastor: “Hmph.”
Vaggie: “Think I’ll head up now.”
Alastor: “While grabbing a drink along way, hmm?”
Vaggie: “Yeah. Why not.”
Charlie: “Vaggie-” (catches her hand) (squeezes) “-grab one for me, too? I’ll be right behind you.”
Vaggie: “…wine from the cellar then, huh?”
Charlie: “I’m having whatever you’re having.”
Vaggie: “Sweetie, you hate the shit I drink.” (small smile) “I’ll get us something from the cellar. Meet you up there.”
Charlie: “In a heartbeat.”
Charlie: “….”
Charlie: “Alastor.”
Alastor: “Oh don’t scold me for her baggage, dear, I don’t make her carry it.”
Charlie: “I’m not scolding. I just- I get that you have this whole-” (air quotes) “-annoying big brother who hates being ignored thing going on with Vaggie, and while it IS kinda sweet-”
Alastor: (microphone feedback) “Excuse me?”
Charlie: “Could you turn it down a tiny bit when it comes the exorcist stuff?”
Alastor: “I do not-”
Charlie: “I know I know you don’t mean to make her all droopy like this, it’s boring for you, totally a killjoy-”
Alastor: “There is NOTHING enjoyable about that woman!”
Charlie: “-So maaaaaaybe back off a little when things get too serious?”
Alastor: “NO!”
Charlie: “Think about it okay?” (pats his shoulder) “Anyway, thanks for sticking around for the friendship cupcakes, see you at the next hotel bonding session, Dadastor!”
Alastor: “At the next-”
Alastor: “………”
Alastor: (hissing) “DADastor!?”
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