#Anyway... It was very nice. Many highlight reels to go through in my mind

[mrfoox]

It's 6.30 and I'm prepared and in bed 🫡

[miekasa]

random armin/mikasa/jean headcanons (college au)

↯ pairing: armin x (fem) reader, mikasa x (fem) reader, jean x (fem) reader

↯ genres and warnings: college au, fluff, lets see how many times i can mention eren in writing that has absolutely nothing to do with him

↯ notes: this.... probably won’t be a regular thing, i don’t know that i can consistently continue writing for them, but this sure was fun and reminded me that i actually have feelings for someone other than levi :// didn’t ask for that, but here we are

ARMIN ARLERT

Would most likely get pretty good grades, but he can definitely be lazy about it and hear me out.

If it’s a class that he likes and is genuinely interested in (which is the majority of them), he’s going to put in the work—sometimes too much work—to make sure he’s doing well. He usually studies very meticulously, and stays on top of his game throughout the semester.

But if it’s one of those bs classes the university makes you take, or some kind of stupid elective that was the only course that could fit into his schedule? Well, Armin is smart enough to bullshit his way through anything, so he’s not going to exert himself for a class he doesn’t even care about. 

Oh, and he’s very vocal about complaining to you about said bullshit courses. (Completely justified, go off king).

“I swear sometimes the TA just lowers marks randomly to ‘keep the class average.’ Granted, I didn’t really study for the quiz, so I wasn’t expecting a stellar grade or anything, but I know they do that sometimes.” “Well, babe, why didn’t you study.” “Because I hate it, (Y/N).”

Like I said, takes school seriously and tries his best; but even he knows he doesn’t have to be at 100% all the time. It’s also kind of a flex how smart he is and how much he can get by on doing the absolute bare minimum.

Poor Connie is studying his ass off for their shared elective and Armin barely looked at the first page of the textbook, and he’ll probably get a 90 anyways.

Imagine he’s so caught up with his other classes, he actually forgets about a midterm for his stupid elective, and at first he’s freaking out, so you kind of have to remind him of who tf he is. You finally get him to relax and he blinks at you, “Oh right, I didn’t study because I didn’t have to haha nice.” 

Helps you prepare for presentations by letting you practice them in front of him. Actually gives good feedback, but sometimes he’s just watching you and not really listening.

Sometimes, you have to be the one to remind him to take a step back and take care of himself, before his schoolwork. He doesn’t like to worry you, and likely feels guilty when he sees you walking up to him in the library at 2am; so he won’t fight you on it, and just lets you help him pack up all his stuff and head home for the day.

Likes head massages. Maybe sometimes has faked a little bit of a headache to get you to massage his head and play with his hair. He’ll never tell.

If you rub his cheek while he’s laying on top of you, he will knock out like a baby. Almost immediately. It’s a surefire way to get him to go to sleep.

Schedules dates with you, and plans them out meticulously. Sometimes gets playful and sends you a whole ass e-vite.

“Armin, why do I have an email invitation for our date to the library?” “So that you don’t forget, of course.” “How could I forget, it’s later today, and you’re literally helping me study for my midterm.” “With popcorn!”

Probably the type to get a job on campus. You and your friends come to visit him when he’s on shift and annoy him. He secretly likes it.

Oh, he’s kind of shady. Scratch that, can be very shady. He complains about school to you, but also just complains to you in general; he doesn’t outwardly do that a lot, but you’re his confidant.

Sometimes you get surprised and call him out on it and you’re like “Oh my god, Armin, the poor girl didn’t mean to mess up the project,” and he’s like “Well. Sometimes people are idiots and it has to be said.”

Has a bad habit of rolling his eyes and he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. “Did you just roll your eyes at me.” “I don’t know, did I?” Bye.

His hands are always covered in some kind of ink/markings. Accidental brushes of his pens, streaks from his highlighters or markers, a little bit of lead from his pencil along the side of his palm.

Speaking of which, he strikes me as the kind of guy to keep a bullet journal. Not necessarily decked out and fancy with Polaroids and extravagant fonts; but definitely neat, and decorated to some extent, depending on how he’s feeling. It makes him feel organized.

He would pencil in important dates and markers of your relationship into said journal. “Friday night: museum date—remember to buy the tickets in advance.”

If anyone is going to buy, wash, peel, and cut up fruit for you, it’s going to be Armin.

Lowkey tutoring all of his friends, and might be the sole reason that Connie hasn’t dropped out yet. He likes tutoring you the most, though. 

Get this, sometimes he asks you to tutor him, even if he knows damn well he doesn’t need it. Maybe he’ll even sign up for a stupid elective if it’s a class you’ve taken before, just to have an excuse to get you to teach him something. 

Likes trying new things with you. He might not always like the new things that you try, but he’s open to trying them at least once. Well… most things anyways. Just don’t ask him to get up at dawn and go jogging with you.

I genuinely cannot tell if he would be a morning person or not. Maybe mid-morning. Probably not a rise-and-shine at 6am kind of guy, but is up by at least 10:00am every day. Very cute when he’s groggy though, and stumbles around a bit like a baby deer when he first gets up, especially if he’s hungry.

He likes to bike. And really likes when you go on bike rides with him. As long as you both are on your own bikes, you learned the hard way that tandem biking isn’t cut out for you.

Knows that all-nighters aren’t good for you, but sometimes you have to pull them anyways. If you both have a lot to get done, he’ll stay up with you and make sure you both take breaks and drink water.

Can twirl his pens in that really fast and fancy way, and can do the thing where he rolls it between all his fingers too. I’ll let you think bout the implications of that for yourself.

He likes watching cartoons, and reels you into all his favorites. Definitely likes to stay in on weekends watching cartoons with you and just chilling.

Will go to a party with you if you ask, or if his friends are hosting, but nothing beyond that. You didn’t hear this from me, but he’d probably like to smoke more than drink.

Sometimes you think he needs a break and you commission Eren to take him out for the night, but Armin still comes back looking more composed than him. A little sleepy and maybe a bit out of it, but not sloshed, much to your disappointment. “Eren, you really couldn’t have tried to be more a bad influence?? I was counting on you!!”

Eren’s confused, like, “Did you want me to get him white boy wasted??” “Yeah, kinda!! It’s what he deserves every once in a while. Ugh, next time I’m calling in Sasha, she knows how to drink.”

By the way, if you’re dating Armin, you’re kind of dating (or at least babysitting) Eren too. Or vice versa. Either way, they will also go on dates without you. (“Hanging out. We’re hanging out, and I’m tutoring him so he doesn’t fail Biology, (Y/N).” “Likely story, ocean eyes.”)

Can be touchy in a very absentminded way. He’ll reach out to play with your ears/earrings, habitually rub at your shoulders if you’re standing in front of him, mindlessly toy with the ends of your clothing. Half the time he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it, he’s so cute.

Plays one sport—is on the soccer team. It keeps him busy, and forces him to focus on something that isn’t academics once in a while. He’s pretty good at it, too; he and Eren make a good team when they play together.

You and Eren tried to get him to join the baseball team too. Eren, because he likes playing with Armin. You, because, well… the uniforms. He would look so good in the uniform.

MIKASA ACKERMAN

Makes her classes look like a breeze, even though it’s at least 300 pages of reading and writing per week.

Kind of gives me Elle Woods “What, like it’s hard?” kind of vibes when it comes to schoolwork. You’re in awe of how she just did 75 pages of reading with a tiny ass font in one sitting, and she just blinks at you like “Was it supposed to be difficult?”

Speaking of which, she likes to read in general; for leisure, outside of her school work. She’ll recommend you books, too. If you don’t like to read, she’ll still try and rope you in with shorter stories, or just read them aloud to you herself. 

Sits at a table across from you while you both do your schoolwork independently. It doesn’t sound like much, but it’s a quiet, almost implicit sense of intimacy that she really likes.

Bundles you up when it’s cold, and won’t take no for an answer. You will wear a hat, whether you like it or not.

Always prepared—and by that I mean, she carries things on her that she realizes you might need. Tissues, extra pens, an extra pair of mittens. She strikes me as the kind of person to pay attention to details like those.

Likes to walk you to class, even if her class is very far away from your building. She doesn’t mind.

On that note, she knows your schedule pretty well, where it pertains to classes and personal interests.

If you’re the type of person who can slack off or even just get caught up in other things when it comes to school work, she’ll be there to keep you on track and hold you accountable. Usually through setting aside times to study with you, but can even be through small things like asking you how your assignment is going.

(Nevermind that you completely forgot about the assignment, and hadn’t even started it—but that’s the point; she knew that).

Hear me out: holding pinkies. Maybe not when you’re walking, but when you’re seated next to each other. The longer you’re together, the more likely she is to initiate it, too.

Would rather study at home/in her apartment than in the library, but if you like to study there, she can compromise a few days out of the week.

Makes you playlists, and they’re usually really good, because she knows you so well. Sometimes she gets cute and customizes the cover art to a picture of the both of you.

She’s your ride or die, so if you complain to her about a prof you don’t like or a TA you don’t think is fair she’s 100% on your side. She might not always be able to do anything about it, but she’ll definitely let you complain to her.

Texts you throughout the day to check up on you, but usually disguised through other questions. Asks what you want/had for lunch when she’s really checking to make sure you ate. Asks you what time your lectures end, just to make sure you didn’t skip it (again). Asks you what time you’re going to be done studying to make sure you don’t stay up all night cramming again.

Takes a genuine interest in your courses, and absolutely loves to listen to you talk about them.

If your classes are vastly different, she’ll still try and help you however she can, even if it’s only in small ways, like proofreading something for you.

Doesn’t use emojis alot, so your contact doesn’t have a bunch of hearts next your name on anything. But she does put your last name in as Ackerman. 

Has social media, but mostly uses it to keep up with her friends, and you. You’re in most of the few pictures that she does post, and she might not say it, but she really likes it when you post photos of/with her. 

Not sure why, but I think she’d be a pretty decent artist if she tried. That trend of doing glass paintings on TikTok? I think she’d be into that, and would plan out the whole thing as a date with you.

Keeps up with all your favorite shows to talk about or watch them with you. Sometimes she’ll purposely miss a few episodes so that she can spend the night and marathon them with you.

Likes to stay in and drink cheap wine and just watch or talk about whatever with you. You could watch a terrible show just to laugh and comment on it the entire time and she would be so happy. 

Doesn’t like to sit down on public transportation, and honestly would rather you didn’t either, but she’s not going to stop you from taking a seat. If you’re sitting, she’ll stand in front of/over you, and always keeps wire headphones long enough for you to share music that way.

The most insufferable human when she’s sick and she knows it. She hates being sick. And she knows you shouldn’t be around her or else you might get sick but she also just wants you to hold her. (You do).

Likes to sleepover at your place. Talks with you about your day while you lay down. Always smells good. Very cuddly when sleepy. 10/10.

Hates the act of doing her laundry, but likes doing it with you. Lowkey starts buying and using the same detergent and fabric softener as you because it makes her smell like you.

Gets very embarrassed if you kiss her in public. Very red in the cheeks, it’s kind of cute, so I wouldn’t blame you if you did it on purpose.

JEAN KIRSTEIN

Jean is… quite smart, if you ask me. Or, at the very least, analytical, which can be applied to a variety of academic settings.

The only thing is, he’s incredibly lazy about it. He wants to do well in school, and can definitely pull himself together for a midterm or an exam; but is horrible at keeping pace with all his other work and assignments on a regular basis.

He also can’t sit still, which is why even though he is very kind and chivalrous and brings many snacks to your study sessions, he is also competing for number one worst study partner. Right next to Eren and Sasha.

Gets pouty when you tell him you don’t want to study with him. “But… but… but I brought snacks! And bubble tea!” “Yes, but you also have the attention span of a rabbit, Jean.”

At the end of the day he understands… that doesn’t mean he’s not going to be bitter about it LOLOL. It’s fine, you can make it up to him by hanging out with him afterwards.

Is, like, classically trained in at least two instruments because his mom put him in lessons as a child. He used to hate it growing up, and he doesn’t practice much now, so he never talks about it.

One day you happen to mention something about comparing two songs, telling him they remind you of each other but you don’t know exactly why or why, and very nonchalantly he’s like, “They sound similar because they share the same major chord in the chorus, and they’re in the same key.” 

And you just kind of blink at him like, “Okay, Beethoven. How. How did you know that.”

Once you realize he can, like, actually play the piano and violin really well you’re always begging him to play for you. It doesn’t happen often—it’s not like he owns a violin anymore and he certainly doesn’t have a grand piano in his shitty college apartment—but sometimes you sneak into the music room when it’s empty and he’ll play something for you.

He’s a romantic at heart, so he doesn’t mind, and if anything kind of enjoys you watching him play. It’s much better than playing for random parents in a recital. You’re dead if you ever mention it to any of his friends though.

Also not a frat boy, but definitely likes to party. Everything with reason. If he crushed a midterm on Thursday, he deserves to throw back a few beers on Friday night, you know?

Touchy when he’s drunk. Well, touchier than normal; he’d be the most affectionate out of every one on a regular basis. But he’s touchy and messy when he’s drunk, so he’s all over you.

Messy, but happy. All smiles and giggles and red cheeks, with his arm around your shoulder, boasting you anybody who will listen about his super hot girlfriend.

He and Eren throw the best parties when they team up together. (Only slightly related, but those two, when drunk together, could probably pass as a couple; they’re so uncharacteristically happy, and affectionate. You may or may not be keeping some photo and video evidence of Eren and Jean drunk cuddling).

Sends you videos when you’re in the middle of class. And only then. He plans it to be annoying. Because he is annoying.

Also always sending you those in-messsage games while you’re in the middle of lecture or studying. “PLEASE play virtual pool with me!! I’ll even let you win one round!!” “I AM TRYING TO LEARN!!” “LEARN LATER 😡😡😡”

A fucking fiend in your Instagram comments. It’s a miracle none of them have been removed or reported for inappropriate content. Replies to OTHER people’s comments complimenting YOU!! He’s so much

@sashabraus: aww you look so cute @youruser!! that color looks so good on you 💕 @jeannotjean: omg omg tysm @sashabraus 😊 i picked it myself @youruser: SHE WAS TALKING TO ME @jeannotjean!!! ME!!! @jeannotjean: @youruser you have no proof 🙄 @youruser: SHE USED MY @!!!! GET OUT OF MY COMMENTS!!! @jeannotjean: you’re so hot when you yell at me via insta comments 🥵🥵🥵 would it be better if i slid into your dm’s instead 😫😫😉 @youruser: @jeannotjean BLOCKED!! EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY!!

You try explaining your coursework to him and he’s just looking at you with puppy dog eyes like, “I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about, babe, but you look hot while doing it, so, please, continue.”

He’s another cocky annoying bastard (endearing). Always tilting you head up to look at him and smirk at you. Pisses you off just to put his arm around your shoulder and be like, “It’s okay, I know you love me anyways.” Winks at you in public just to embarrass you. He’s the worst. The worst.

King of picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder for absolutely no reason at all.

He lowkey wants to get an ear piercing and uses you to talk him into it. “Don’t you think I’d look hot with a piercing? I think I would.” “You would look good regardless, Jean. So, do it if you want to.” “Right. But, like.... do you think I would look hot.”

For as annoying and cocky as he can be, the second you actually genuinely tell him you think he’s attractive or talented or whatever, he gets kind of shy. It’s very cute. 

Likes trying new restaurants with you, even though he really should stop spending all his money on food. Sometimes trying new restaurants means ordering from a new place, but it’s whatever, you know.

Honestly… the two of you would probably have a ridiculously high Uber Eats bill. You really should go outside and, like, be people every once in a while LOLOL

Okay, but it’s mostly Jean’s fault. For as much as he likes to party, and doesn’t mind hosting a party, he doesn’t do much beyond that. He hangs out with his/your friends, and with you, obviously, but he’s not the kind of guy to have his weekend booked up all the time.

He would much rather stay in with you, and talk trash about his stupid group project partners, and lay on your stomach and try to teach you how to play his favorite video games.

Spoiler: he fucking lies and/or leaves out key parts of the gameplay!! Just so he can crush you and laugh about it!! Annoying, but you’re the one keeping him around, so, who can you really blame but yourself.

[captain-yeet]

A Beautiful Way To Die

Pairing: Heidi x Fem!Reader

Summary; When you thought of death or the possibility of you dying, you never seriously considered the possibility of dying at the hands of a gorgeous vampire.

Word count: 1.7k

Warnings: swearing, Heidi accidentally being creepy give her a break she's new to interacting with mortals and NOT eating them

Author's note: I've been wanting to write about Heidi for a while now because her character, even though we got so very little of it is fascinating (again thanks smeyer for making your side characters more interesting than the main ones). Also, am a simple gay.

Arising from your jet-lagged slumber, you'd hoped the beautiful blue, sunny skies you enjoyed yesterday would still be there. Sadly, your luck was out the window along with the welcoming warm weather.

You'd travelled to Italy with the intention of finally getting out into the world and having the freedom to explore and go your own path. Looking online for travel destinations was both a struggle and exciting! "Where should I go?" you wondered while scrolling through all your proposed options. None caught your eye until you landed on one listing;

Enjoy an enriching, quaint experience in the city of Volterra!

Nestled in the country hillsides of Italy, Volterra has a host of activities for you to enjoy, from historical site tours and many shopping locales, bars and more. From the Palazzo di Priori to the Volterra Cathedral... Come, and lose yourself in a city who's architecture is frozen in time.

You wandered the town, taking in the sites of all the old buildings around you. Even with the clouded sky above your head, Volterra was still a breathtaking place.

After an hour of wandering you came to a stop in the Palazzo, plopping down to sit by the large fountain. Hands resting under your chin, you entered a blissful, happy daydream.

Sighing dreamily, you let your eyes close.

You didn't notice the woman watching you attentively.

Heidi had been tasked with finding more humans to feed the guards and the masters themselves, her own hunger growing more ravenous by the day. She'd managed to lure in a few stray helpless tourists, but she still needed just a few more.

Striding through the streets with confidence, she halted as a sudden alluring scent hit her like wave. Mouth pooling with venomous saliva, she held in an instinctive growl. Where is that scent coming from? More so... who?

Following the mouthwatering aroma, she let herself be guided through the cobblestone streets of Volterra, the beast within her growling with glee as she got closer and closer to the human. Heidi had had many victims, many catches that she's reeled in from her "fishing" that have satisfied her, but none that made her yearn for blood more so than whoever it was that smelt like this.

She found herself in the Palazzo, her eyes desperately scanning every face, every scent of anyone who was nearby. She needed to know which it was.

Taking in another deep breath through her nose, the scent hit her again, and she found the poor helpless human.

A woman, who smelt better than anything she'd ever had before. Heidi sunk into the shadows of a nearby alley and studied you. You were plain, simple clothes and your eyes were currently closed as you enjoyed some blissful daydream. Her throat burned with thirst by this point, and as she watched you... something else began to grow.

Curiosity, was it? Heidi couldn't put her finger on it. Letting out an unnecessary huff, she decided to approach. I'll make sure to let Felix and Demetri know that this snack is strictly mine alone. Heidi put on her best smile and sauntered over to the human.

 “Pardon me, Miss?” a smooth voice called your attention away from your daydreaming. 

You jump in surprise as you turn your attention to the source of the voice that startled you. The owner of the voice was equally startling; her beauty blinded you, as she stood directly in front of the faint rays of sunlight you swore she was literally shining. The red dress she wore clung nicely to her body, an off the shoulder piece that only highlighted her best assets. Violet eyes gazed at you curiously, flicking from the art book open in your lap to your face. 

If angels were real, you’d believe this woman was one.

Unbeknownst to you, but the shock went both ways. Now that she was face-to-face with you, Heidi’s painted red lips had parted, an inaudible gasp to your ears escaping them.

A pull she had never experienced before took hold of the vampire. She needed to be near you - not just in the hunger sense, but more of a “If I am separated from this woman for any reason I will rip someone’s arm off” kind of way. At least, that is how Heidi would describe it.

Trying to shake herself out of her jumbled train of thought, she flashed you a quick smile, savouring the way it made your heart stutter. “I couldn’t help but notice you sitting here, are you new to Volterra?”

You nodded, gently smiling at the pretty woman. “I am, just passing through on my way to Venice.”

Heidi giggled. "Venice? That's quite the destination. And what brings you to Volterra?"

"I'm going on a tour here before I leave for Venice," you explained, none the wiser to the sudden shift in Heidi's demeanor. "I needed a place to stay since it was such a long trip, and..."

"What tour, if you don't mind my asking?"

You blinked. The woman was now very serious, the playful almost-flirtatious air about her gone. "In there, actually," you reply, pointing to the castle-like cathedral just behind her.

"I see."

Shit. Shit, shit, fuck! A string of curse words swam in Heidi's head in multiple languages. She can't go in there! But she's booked already, they'll be expecting her and we don't often get cancellations and if we do -

"I'm sorry, is there a problem?" You ask, growing more confused by the pretty lady as the seconds went by.

"Ah, hello Heidi."

You both turn your head to the rather tall man who had appeared at Heidi's side. He was quite the looker - very tall, heavy build and looked like he could break you in half with one hand.

"Felix, what are you doing here?" The woman - Heidi - says to her companion with an airy smile.

You didn't fail to notice the sharp look she had in her eyes.

"Just roaming about the city is all," the man replied coolly, a grin on his face that faltered into a curious smile when his gaze shifted to you. “And who might this lovely lady be? Perhaps a tour guest of the castle?”

With a laugh, Heidi linked her arm into Felix’s bicep, her fingernails digging deep into his arm. Under his breath Felix hissed and looked at Heidi with wide, confused eyes but she kept her airy exterior up perfectly.

 “Our tour bookings are full, Felix,” she said pointedly.

You looked on at the exchange feeling lost. There seemed to be some animosity between the two but why? You didn’t know. Maybe they were exes.

 “I see.” A thin, curt smile replaced his cocky grin from just moments ago. “Well then, I’ll meet up with you later. We’ll talk more then.” 

As the man left, Heidi left out a small huff and then turned back toward you, her brilliant smile bewitching you again. "Forgive him, he's always prowling during the tours for pretty young women to bore to death with his rants about his hobbies."

You giggled, grinning back at her. "I'll be sure to try and stay off his radar when tomorrow's tour begins."

Tomorrow's tour, Heidi's thoughts echoed your words. So she's coming in on that tour. Keeping her composure cool, she tilted her head down and gazed at you from beneath her eyelashes. Seduction tactics, only this time she was trying to steer her prey away. "Please beautiful, I want you to listen to me very closely."

Frowning at her sudden serious nature, you began to stand up from where you were perched, listening intently.

"Volterra has a lot to offer tourists, many fascinating sites to see. Our cathedral however... don't come. Please," she pleaded, her voice low and silky, "find somewhere else to go sight seeing."

You froze mid-way through putting away your art book. Her serious tone and the look in her eyes... something about the look in her eyes sent a chill down your spine. "I - I'll consider it."

The corner of Heidi's mouth twitched. She then straightened herself up and the deadly serious disposition left as quickly as it had appeared, the friendly seductress returning once more. "Well, I suppose all I can do is steer you away," she chuckled, more to herself.

You smiled politely back, your eyes flickering to your surroundings briefly. As you took in how the sky had gone much darker than it was before, you gasped. "Oh damn, it looks like its going to rain!"

Sure enough, as soon as the word "rain" left your lips, Heidi felt a droplet from the sky land on her cheek.

"I had better get going, it was really nice meeting you!" You began saying your farewells to the beautiful lady, pulling your backpack hastily up onto your back. You didn't want to get potentially drenched in the downpour.

"Wait!"

Ice gripped your wrist abruptly, sending a shock up your arm and making a surprised gasp escape your lips. The fuck?

Oh.

Heidi had grabbed your wrist. She must have some bad circulation, you vaguely thought to yourself.

"I never got your name." The word were desperate, to Heidi pitiful even.

"It's Y/N," you breathed, taken back by Heidi's behavior.

She let go of your wrist, a half smile appearing. "Y/N," she repeated, your name leaving her mouth - in your mind anyway - almost reverently. "Beautiful name, cara mia... anyway, we should head our separate ways! The rain is sure to stat pouring any moment now."

You hummed in agreement, internally trying to shake yourself out of the stupor you now found yourself in. God damn, this woman... help. She's pretty. So pretty. I am very gay.

"It was nice meeting you, Heidi. Maybe I'll see you around?" You offered with a hopeful smile, trying to shut out your internal screaming.

As you quickly walked away, Heidi carefully breathed in after holding her breath. The air stung her throat, your scent, your blood, making her moan wantonly.

She only hoped for two things; one, that she would get the pleasure of seeing your exquisite face again, and secondly and most importantly, that you would heed her warning not to come to the Volterra Cathedral tour tomorrow.

[forasecondtherewedwon]

If You’re a Robot and You Know It, Clap Your Hands

Fandom: Loki Characters: Sylvie, Ravonna, B-15, Mobius Rating: G Word Count: 1774

Summary: Sylvie faces off against Ravonna while Mobius hangs out in post-prune purgatory with... himself?

“You’re more stoic than he was,” Ravonna noted, nodding at the empty air between them where Loki had lately stood.

Why the taunting, Sylvie wondered. Who was there left for Ravonna to impress? Her subordinates were all dead or unconscious, Loki was gone, the animatronic lizards who were not in fact ruling rigidly over time sat slumped in their seats. There was only Sylvie. Even when she had been a child, thin arm in the grip of a stone-faced woman in black armour like the shell of a beetle, Sylvie had not felt so alone with Ravonna as she did in this moment. It made her very angry. She would much rather have been alone with herself.

“How do you know how stoic Loki looked?” Sylvie spat. “You pruned him in the back!”

Ravonna tilted her head, glowing baton still raised.

“I don’t mean in the face of his own erasure from existence, I mean watching someone he cared about disappear.”

Sylvie’s expression had been hard—more than once, to get by, she’d imagined herself protected by that beetle armour from her childhood, closing her vulnerable parts away behind a scowl—but it slackened slightly in confusion.

“Agent Mobius,” Ravonna explained impatiently. There was a twitch of her eyelid that Sylvie caught and homed in on.

“They were friends,” she said slowly. Then, she stared hard into the Judge’s eyes. “You were friends. You and Mobius. You killed him?”

“I didn’t! I—”

“You had someone else do it?” Sylvie narrowed her eyes scornfully.

With an irritated groan, Ravonna lunged for her, but Sylvie hopped backwards over the head of the fake Time Keeper. She looked down and Ravonna followed her gaze, distracted from her attack by the sight of rubbery faux-flesh and protruding, crackling wires.

“And this?” Sylvie asked quietly, trying not to spook the woman with the weapon. “Did you have a hand in this deception? I never sensed it in you.”

Ravonna scoffed and looked away from the head on the floor.

“You were a child.”

“I was a Loki,” Sylvie snapped back.

Saying that name—the name she’d rejected but never forgotten, the name that had also been his—jolted her into action once more. She wedged the toe of her boot beneath the Time Keeper’s decapitated head and flipped it up, striking Ravonna in the stomach. The Judge folded forward and defensively swept the baton in a wide arc. Sylvie stepped out of the weapon’s path, not anticipating the way Ravonna swung her arm quickly back to hit her with the non-pruning end of the rod; she hadn’t been a Hunter in who knew how long, but she clearly hadn’t lost her skill with the tools of the trade.

The blunt end thudded into Sylvie’s ribs.

She was knocked back, but when Ravonna advanced, Sylvie’s hand shot up to grab the baton, hauling the Judge forward. Unbalanced, Ravonna was no challenge to send sprawling at the foot of the stairs leading up to the Time Keepers’ dais. She landed awkwardly. Sylvie breathed hard as she wrenched the baton completely free of Ravonna’s hold and went to retrieve her sword as well.

As she then moved to assess B-15, who was rising shakily to her knees, Sylvie never put her back to Ravonna. Pruned in the back. What a Loki death.

“You alright?” she asked B-15 softly.

The Hunter grunted and allowed Sylvie to support her into standing.

“Better if I knew where to go from here.”

“Let me worry about that,” Sylvie said.

Ravonna struggled to her own feet and Sylvie held the baton at arm’s length between them, keeping the Judge at a distance while B-15 opened the door behind them.

“Ah ah ah,” Sylvie warned archly, chin and eyebrows raised in impish caution. “You stay here and play with your robots.”

“This is temporary,” Ravonna said as Sylvie edged back through the open door.

Sylvie performed her signature cocked head and smirk.

“Isn’t everything?”

The second they were out of the Time Keepers’ chamber, B-15 slammed the doors and leaned into them, as if Ravonna would imminently begin trying to break them down from the inside. Which Sylvie supposed she might. She really almost admired Ravonna—or would have if the Judge hadn’t ruined her entire life.

She stared at the door handles, then at each of the weapons she held in her hands. Sword or baton, sword or baton? With a deep breath, Sylvie jammed the blade of her sword through the handles to bar the door, electing to keep the baton close. Though it was a less familiar weapon, she was nothing if not highly adaptable. Besides, touching the glowing end of the rod to a person was certainly more efficient than dispatching them with a blade. She wasn’t sure how many TVA workers they would encounter before they were out of here. This place and this time. Keeping the baton was the right choice.

She stole a last glance at the sword. Another little piece of herself left behind.

At the sound of reinforcements headed towards them, she and B-15 hurried away from the chamber.

“She used to be a Hunter,” B-15 said, shaking her head as they strode down the corridor, “like me.”

“I suppose she might have been like you at some point,” Sylvie said. She was interpreting the words a little differently. “I wonder when she stopped.”

“Do you?”

“Not really. I can trust you but not her.” Sylvie shrugged as she walked. “That’s about all I need to know.”

“Do you trust me?”

“I have to.”

“Same for me. Though I can’t say my faith in allies hasn’t been shaken recently,” B-15 said sarcastically. “The Time Keepers aren’t real, Ravonna’s been helping to cover up the truth, and I wasn’t even created here! I probably had to go through that degrading process of having my clothes zapped off!”

“Probably. I didn’t think you’d want to see that as a prioritized memory,” Sylvie said, half-apologetic. While they’d stood in the torrential rain outside Roxxcart, she’d allowed a highlight reel of memories to flash through the Hunter’s mind.

“You know, I always found it kind of strange that one of the few tests we run in this department is to judge whether or not someone is secretly a robot. I guess whoever designed the Time Keepers got paranoid.”

“Whoever that person is, paranoia is the least of their worries.”

“True,” B-15 agreed as she produced a TemPad. “Now, they’re going to have to deal with us.”

“If they’re still out there somewhere and not dead like Loki and Mobius,” Sylvie said bitterly. She flipped the TemPad open and programmed their destination.

“Maybe they aren’t dead. We’ve been misled about everything else. Maybe everyone who’s ever been pruned just ends up someplace… else.”

“It’s no place I’ve ever been.”

“Yet,” B-15 said.

The Time Door appeared before them. Pounding footsteps raced against Sylvie’s accelerating heartbeat as she prepared to step through and leave this place behind. They had to go now, her and her one ally. She couldn’t get above one ally these days. It was better than none.

“Yet,” Sylvie agreed.

—

Meanwhile in Jet Ski Land…

“That’s why I always felt such an affinity for that Earth actor,” Mobius said. “I am Owen Wilson. Or was.”

He dug his bare toes deeper into the slightly rocky beach and watched the slow wash of trash along the shore. It was almost nice here, but not quite. Not a place to stay. Everything inside him had already been screaming that. A lifelong (in this life, anyway) bureaucrat, he’d never felt such restlessness.

“Am… was… what does it matter?” the man next to him asked rhetorically.

He was also Mobius. No, Mobius was him. No, that wasn’t right, they were both Owen Wilson. Variants of him. But this man had shaggy blond hair where Mobius had been grey for as long as he could remember. Also, he appeared to be the only Owen Wilson in sight who had a mustache and he was a little proud of that. Probably stupidly, but it was helping him hold on to his sense of identity in the presence of so many hims.

They were on the beach around him, sitting in the dunes behind him, swimming in the water in front of him. One of the Owens was freaking parasailing through the air up above while another Owen drove the boat that towed him.

“How long have you guys been here?” Mobius asked in awe.

“You know, it’s hard to say,” Owen said, folding his arms thoughtfully. “It’s tough to figure out exactly how time flows here. A little like what you were describing, with your experience at the TVA.”

“Have you gotten to know everybody?”

“Oh yeah, they’re good guys. And all of us Owens are naturally social.”

“What about that one?” Mobius asked, pointing. He could hear the raw admiration in his own voice as the geriatric Owen he’d indicated revved his jet ski, bouncing over the low swells of the turquoise water.

“One of our actors. He was in the middle of filming a movie in Indonesia before he ended up here. Played an international, jet ski-riding spy in sort of a buddy comedy. Eighty-three years old and still a star.”

“What? That sounds incredible! What the heck happened?”

“Well,” Owen told him with a grimace, “the tsunami of 2051.”

“Right,” Mobius said, recalling the list of 21st-century apocalyptic events he and Loki had so recently sifted through together.

“He wasn’t supposed to survive the wave. The film crew had tethered him to the jet ski for safety while they were shooting and, as far as Owen can guess, that should’ve been enough to kill him. That’s what the TVA was counting on. They had to bring him in when he didn’t drown.”

“What a story though! That old Owen is one tough nut!”

“I know!” Owen gushed proudly.

Mobius shook his head in amazement, scanning the water. His gaze landed on something he couldn’t immediately understand.

“And what’s that?” he asked.

“That’s jet-ski Owen.”

“I thought the old guy was jet-ski Owen.”

“Nah, that one’s Owen on a jet ski. This one’s Owen as a jet ski.”

The riderless craft surged across the water until the speed had its front end lifting high off the surface. With a glorious final burst, it escaped the water entirely, executing a barrel roll in midair before touching down once more.

Mobius felt the praise leave his own lips and heard it echoed up and down the beach by all other versions of Owen Wilson in attendance: “Wow.”

[raeynbowboi]

Bob’s Burgers 10th Anniversary Retrospective

After ten years, Bob, Linda, and the Kids are just as delightfully wacky and endearing as they ever were, and show no signs of slowing down. So I wanted to put together an ultra mega review of the series. I’ll give an opinion on main and recurring characters, as with a cast this big, there’s been a lot of endearing characters to grace the show over the years. However, I will only be counting characters that have appeared more than once. After ten years, there’s been some real gems, and some real misfires. So, I’ll be counting down my top 10 best episodes, and the bottom 10 worst episodes. I’ll also go through as a Highlight Reel, by picking a best and worst episode of each season, as well as crowning the Best Season with the most good episodes.

Bob Belcher

Honestly, Bob was a very easy character to mess up. He’s the straight man to his wacky family’s antics. But the show does a really great job making Bob simple and lowkey without making him boring or a stick in the mud. He may be resistant to weird things, but he puts up with it anyway to make his family happy.  While he’s the serious straight man, they don’t fail to give Bob his own eccentricities and quirks that make him relatable and funny in his own way. Whether he’s making things talk, getting weirdly excited about Thanksgiving, or his awkward way of speaking, Bob is genuinely a good and relatable character. It’s also nice to see that Bob is a great husband and a loving father. He and Linda argue from time to time, but they’re not trapped in a loveless marriage for the kid’s sake like most shows. And even shows where that’s not a selling point like American Dad, Bob shows more remorse for things like forgetting their anniversary than Stan does for Francine. Bob is supportive, loving, and forgiving. Which is just amazing to watch. The times when his kids really need him, he’s there for them, and he helps them through their problems. While Bob might fight with and get mad with or annoyed by his family, Bob never treats them like people he’s stuck with. Frankly, Bob blows most animated TV dads out of the water. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Stan or Francine give quiet supportive talks to Steve or Hayley ever in American Dad. Peter used to at least try to be a decent father, but now is a negligent toddler. Likewise, Homer used to be a great father who cared about his kids, but later seasons have really stepped away from the family angle the Simpsons used to have. In a sea of adult animated families that are toxic and destructive, Bob’s genuine love for his family came as a breath of fresh air.

Linda Belcher

Linda is by far the best Adult Animation TV mom there is. For one thing, she’s funnier than Francine, Lois, and Marge combined. But more importantly, she’s not the butt of the joke when it happens. I can only really remember laughing at Francine when they make dumb blonde jokes with her, but Linda’s jokes come from her character. She could have easily been the gender inverted Homer or Peter, but the writers are careful to make her gullible, trusting, and goofy without making her a moron. When the kids do something wrong, Linda busts out the tough mom act and you genuinely believe that the kids are in trouble. She’s not faking it. She’s not off in her own little world. She’s a bit of a goofy dreamer, but she’s able to be the tough disciplinarian when she needs to be. Her relationship with Bob is also better than most adult animation wives. She’s more independent than the other housewives, and even though her job is working with her husband, it never feels like it robs Linda of her own power, autonomy, and freedom. But the best thing about Linda is that I think most people can agree, she has an extremely strong and charming personality that endears us to her.

Tina Belcher

I really wish I could say I liked Tina more. She’s a creative romantic, just like me. I should love her. But her monotone deliveries and awkwardness isn’t as endearing as Bob’s. I like her better in episodes like Teen-A Witch and Broadcast Wagstaff School News where she has a bit stronger of a personality. But unfortunately, Tina is my least favorite member of the Belcher family, which isn’t to say that I hate her, she just doesn’t shine as bright as the rest of her family. She’s just not very funny or interesting on her own. But on the plus side, at least I don’t find Tina to be annoying or terrible except in the rare bad episode.

Gene Belcher

Gene is the only member of the family that can regularly get my dad to laugh, and with good reason. If he wasn’t such a well of nonsequitor punchlines, Gene would probably be the worst member of the family, but boy howdy do those random jokes pick up the slack. Gene is genuinely hilarious, even if I’d only rank him above Tina in terms of favoritism. However, I find that most Gene-centric episodes to be lackluster or below average. I think Gene’s best episode is probably Y Tu Ga-Ga Tambien, but of the best episodes, none really come to mind that specifically star Gene. Gene is really better suited for a supporting role, and his times as the star showcase why comic reliefs aren’t the main character. They’re support characters for a reason. That’s not to say Gene-centric episodes are terrible. They just tend to range from about average to bad. Though Y Tu Ga-Ga Tambien is a pretty good one.

Louise Belcher

Bob and Linda saved the best for last because Louise is the breakout star of the show. Funny, interesting, and the focus of many of the better episodes, Louise stands proudly on the first place podium with Linda in 2nd and Bob taking 3rd place. I think Louise’s strengths are especially due to her standoffish and naughty personality, which has lent itself to a lot of good character growth episodes. Season 10 Louise seems a lot more mature than Season 1 Louise. I think Louise works because while she does often have clever or sneaky solutions to problems, they don’t forget that she’s 9, so unlike Stewie, her age does present hurdles and barriers to her schemes and plans.

The Best and Worst of Bob’s Burgers

#10 WORST: Pro-Tiki/Con-Tiki (S6e15)

Why couldn’t Warren Fitzgerald just put that $100,000 into advertisements or to help Bob buy better equipment for his restaurant? My biggest issue with this episode isn’t the episode itself, it’s that the ending makes no sense. Warren wants to help Bob because he has a form of riches Warren lacks, and Bob doesn’t want a corporate sponsor to make changes to his brand. But why can’t Warren just give Bob the money to make choices he wants to make? They could stay as business partners, but Bob doesn’t have to sacrifice his personal vision for the restaurant. It’s just really frustrating when they’re both being too stupid and stubborn to see the obvious solution in front of their faces.

#10 BEST: Teen-a Witch (S7e03)

One of Tina’s best episodes, as someone who had a goth phase myself and dabbled a tiny amount in ‘witchcraft’, this episode brings back memories of high school and the desire to make the world what I wanted it to be. But on top of that, Tina with a backbone is when she really shines as a character, mostly because it means her humor isn’t being derived from her being awkward.

#9 WORST: Live and Let Fly (S9e05)

Mr. Frond embarrasses the kids, and they team up with Up-Skirt Kurt to get revenge against his sister and Mr. Frond. I’m not a fan of Kurt, so I already don’t care much about his feud with his sister, but I also just find the episode kind of boring. I don’t care about Kurt, I don’t care about his feud, and the kids call off their revenge, so that ends up not mattering either. Even Bob and Linda’s side plot is only middle-of-the-road quality for Bob’s Burgers.

#9 BEST: Wharf Horse/World Wharf II (S4e21-22)

The very first two-part episode Bob’s Burgers ever had, the season 4 finale is a great watching experience. It has some fun songs, funny character exchanges, suspenseful drama, and some heartfelt moments. It feels like a short movie, and that’s a good thing for a two-part episode to do. Even Fanny and Felix are interesting villains. But even after everything Felix did, I don’t find myself loathing him in later episodes, and that’s a hard thing to accomplish.

#8 WORST: Tina-Rannosaurus Wrecks (S3e07)

This is the only bad Tina episode where the problem isn’t Tina herself. My biggest issue with this episode is more just the subject matter. Bob lies for insurance reasons about who was driving his car, and the entire episode is just Bob and Tina digging a deeper and deeper hole for themselves. The solution to the issue is clever enough to redeem the episode somewhat, but the majority of the watching experience is just kind of an awkward dance of watching these two getting tangled up in a web of lies.

#8 BEST: The Taking of Funtime One Two Three (S9e02)

Bar none, this is the single best ‘Heist’ episode of Bob’s Burgers, and it’s kind of crazy that Bob’s Burgers has actually built a repertoire to where I can make a list of ‘heist’ episodes as an archetype. This one feels the most like an actual heist movie, and the ending is legitimately clever and unexpected. But even more than that, if you’re paying attention, you can see the twist before the characters even reveal it. That is the kind of tight writing that makes the list for best episodes.

#7 WORST: A Fish Called Tina (S10e12)

Tina spends an episode trying way too hard to make someone like her, to the point that she almost humiliates a 4th grader in public just so she can live out some fantasy. It’s really uncomfortable and sickening to watch Tina do this. This will be a recurring issue with Tina’s low-point episodes. There’s nothing fun about watching a character make a complete idiot out of themselves by coming on too strong. It even makes me groan when Kaylie shows up in another Season 10 episode because I don’t want to have to think about this awful episode.

#7 BEST: Stand By Gene (S6e12)

Something about this episode really just brings back memories of my childhood. Memories of walking through the outdoors, just exploring and wanting to find things. The characters are funny, and Bob and Linda’s relationship is put to the test. Plus, I loved that for the entire episode, you don’t know how it’ll end. It really makes this a personal favorite and one of the episodes I knew had to make it on my list.

#6 WORST: The Grand Mama-Pest Hotel (S7e13)

Linda ruins things for Tina by being an overbearing annoyance. Are you noticing a trend with Bob’s Burgers’ worst episodes? I don’t like it when good characters make complete jackasses out of themselves in the name of ‘humor’. It’s not funny. It’s annoying and makes me dislike them. Thankfully, the worst of it is only in the latter half of the 2nd act and the entire third act, but Linda’s behavior just makes me cringe and ask why they had to do Linda dirty like this? It just puts me even more squarely on the side that Tina is entirely in the right and I don’t want to deal with Lind either.

#6 BEST: Broadcast Wagstaff School News (S3e12)

From Tina at her lowest point to Tina at her best, Broadcast Wagstaff School News is my favorite episode of the first 5 seasons. Tina’s funny and engaging, Gene is absolutely shining as Little Bob, and while Louise and Linda play supporting roles in this episode, they’re still funny as well. Plus, the mystery is a good one, and this episode is even referenced in later seasons.

#5 WORST: Mazel-Tina (S4e13)

Tina ruins Tammy’s birthday and steals her party. This is Tina at rock bottom. Tina is so despicable, cruel, and selfish in this episode that it reminds me that behind that creative awkward girl is a selfish brat who doesn’t care if she hurts other people if she can live out her fantasies. If other episodes didn’t rescue Tina from being so unlikable, I probably would hate Tina as a character entirely for her behavior in this episode.

#5 BEST: The Silence of the Louise (S8e02)

Movie parodies are some of the best, and The Silence of the Louise is the queen of all the movie parodies. When Mr. Frond’s therapy dolls are mutilated, and the school staff calls off the waterpark trip until the culprit is caught, Louise teams up with psycho Millie to figure out whodunnit. This is also one of the first time Millie wasn’t strictly an antagonist, and she genuinely felt like someone who could be Louise’s friend someday.

#4 WORST: Boywatch (S8e16)

Tina ruins things for other people by coming on too strong. The only reason this is ranked higher than Mozel-Tina is because in that episode, she just wanted to be at the party, and just kind of ended up as the star of the party and let it go to her head, whereas here, she is actively ruining things for other people in pursuit of her own delusions and fantasies. Tina has no desire to be a junior lifeguard, but cute boys causes her to behave like a troublemaker. She’s entirely out of character, and her teammates’ hate for her behavior is something I agree with. I don’t want to hate the main characters, so why does this show keep pushing to make Tina a nuisance who ruins experiences for other people?

#4 BEST: The Quirkducers (S7e06)

If the Silence of the Louise is the queen of film parodies, then The Quirkducers is the king. Not only is it a clever parody of The Producers, but it also has some damn good musical numbers, especially the edited end credit version. But it’s Tina’s song at the end that stands as one of my favorites of all Bob’s Burgers’ songs.

#3 WORST: Bed & Breakfast (S1e07)

If a Fish Called Tina is bad, then Bed & Breakfast is flaming garbage. Linda turns their apartment into a Bed and Breakfast, and Linda goes berserk when the guests don’t play into her expectations. This episode verges from below average to detestable as Linda goes insane and locks people in their rooms, and Louise drives a grown man to attack workers by preying on his fear. 

#3 BEST: The Hauntening (S6e03)

This is hands-down the best Halloween episode that Bob’s Burgers ever made. This show turns out some amazing holiday episodes, and this is one of the best the Belchers have to offer. I won’t dare give away anything about this episode. If you’ve seen it, you know why it’s top of the heap, and if you haven’t, then all I can say is what are you waiting for? Delayed gratification has to pay off eventually.

#2 WORST: Every Which Way But Goose (S9e14)

Tina falls in love with a goose. Who smoked crack before writing this episode, and who huffed enough paint thinner to approve this episode for production? This is the absolute dumbest concept for an episode I have ever come across. Who thought this was a good idea? I can’t even pinpoint the flaws because this entire episode is just so flawed. At least Mazel-Tina and Boywatch enrage me. This just baffles me.

#2 BEST: A Few Gurt Men (S7e11)

When Mr. Ambrose accuses Mr. Frond of stealing his yogurt from the faculty lounge, the case is brought before student court, and Louise is tasked with acting as Defense Council for Mr. Frond. One thing Bob’s Burgers does well is mysteries, and this is a good one as Louise has to figure out a way to prove Frond’s innocence. This is just an absolute personal favorite. Every character is just on point, and I get excited when the episode starts to que up.

#1 WORST: Moody Foodie (S2e07)

Did you ever want to watch the Belchers commit a felony? Then boy howdy do I have an episode for you! A picky food critic responsible for shutting down restaurants comes to Bob’s Burgers. Bob messes up the order, and a visit to the critic’s house to get him to try his burger again leads to a hostage situation with the critic tied to a chair and gagged in his own home. Words cannot describe the depth to which I hate this episode. The entire episode feels dirty and vile. I feel the need to scrub my skin raw after sitting through this episode. The instant I realize that it’s come on, I skip the the next one. I have literally only sat through this episode once. This episode disgusts me. This episode has the main character, abduct somebody in their own home. Then they take a second hostage when a mailman delivers the guy’s package. Luckily, Bob’s Burgers has a lot of good episodes to make up for this one bad egg, but this episode enrages me to the point that if the family wasn’t so charming and endearing most of the time, I might have stopped watching based just on this one episode.

#1 BEST: The Bleakening: Part 1 & 2 (S8e06-07)

The first time I saw these episodes, they played back to back without any credits in between them, and I thought it was one episode, and I didn’t even realize it was the length of two episodes. Between the amazing songs, the brain bending twists, the creative creature, the dark elements that contrast the bright lights of the holidays, and the uplifting ending, this pair of episodes stands paramount as the single greatest viewing experience that Bob’s Burgers has to offer.

Favorite Friend of the Kids: Regular-Sized Rudy

First appearing in Carpe Museum, Rudy came back in The Kids Rob a Train, where he has remained a friend of the kids since. Rudy was the first to join the kids if you don’t count Andy and Ollie who seem to dip in and back out as to whether they’re included in the friend group. Rudy was thus the first to be made a main member of the kids’ friend group.

Favorite Schoolyard Seven: Jocelyn

The Schoolyard Seven is the friend group of the three Belchers, Jimmy Jr., Zeke, Tammy, and Jocelyn. Not counting the Belchers, it was a close call between Zeke and Jocelyn. Tammy and Jimmy Jr. tend to be typecast as serving one niche thing, but Zeke and Jocelyn are often the comedic gold. However, while Zeke is more interesting of the two, I just enjoy Jocelyn too much to not give her the win. Even if Jocelyn’s humor is just a walking dumb blonde trope, like Gene, Jocelyn has a knack for funny one-liners. If the groups has another name, I’m not privy to it.

Favorite Friend of the Family: Micky

Though he’s less connected to the family now, Micky has been a friend to the Belchers since Bob Day Afternoon, and returning in Bob Fires the Kids. Since his introduction, Micky has gotten a job at Wonder Wharf, where he has remained since.

Favorite Recurring Villain: Logan Bush

First appearing in Ears-y Rider, Logan has been a fun and interesting frenemy for Louise to match wits with. In a show where most other villains are the same age as the main characters (Millie, Tammy, Chloe, Jimmy Pesto, Hugo) Logan stands out as a legitimate bully. Yet, even he was willing to work with Louise in Mother-Daughter Laser Razor, showing that there is wiggle room for the two of them to even join forces and spread havoc together.

Favorite Tina Love Interest: Duncan

Earnest if not a little awkward, Duncan seems like a sweet boy for Tina to possibly end up with. Sasha Whiteman is another character I could easily see being a good boyfriend to Tina because his quick wit and social graces make him a great foil to Tina, and he excels where Tina falls short. Zeke has a good chance to be a good boyfriend, but Tina still spits his name when she greets him, so I doubt she’d take interest in him unless something happens to change their dynamic. I liked Josh, but now that he’s said he doesn’t like her anymore and she agreed that she feels the same, I doubt we’re going to see them date further in the future.

Favorite Side Character: Nat Kinkle the Limo Driver

First appearing in Season 8 episode 8 V for Valentine-detta, I must not be the only fan of Nat’s because she made two appearances in the 10th season, in episode 1 The Ring (But Not Scary) and episode 17 Just the Trip. Currently with only 3 appearances, she’s still only a side character, but I get the feeling that like with Rudy, Courtney, Darrel and Alex before her, Nat will keep becoming a more frequent character. She just has a great vibe, and her charisma is intoxicating. She meshes great with the family, making her an absolute delight to watch.

Favorite Bit Character: Marshmallow

Although she’s appeared in multiple episodes since her introduction in Sheesh, Cab Bob, Marshmallow has never gotten much more than a couple lines, with her biggest role being in The Bleakening where she had more to say. She was also the first major LGBT+ recurring character on the show, which also made her a joy to see, whenever she returned to Bob’s Burgers.

Favorite Headcanon: Gene is Genderfluid

Gene’s jokes have been centered on his gender or sexuality since the first season finale. A joke once in a while is one thing, but ten years of the same sorts of jokes tells the sharp viewer that there’s more to it than just a running gag. With how many jokes have Gene talk about having boobs, synching his cycle, or calling himself Tina and Louise’s sister or Bob and Linda’s daughter, it’s my opinion that Gene is genderfluid, or possibly even transgender. The only reason I say genderfluid over a transgirl is because he still also addresses himself as a boy or a man as much as he does girl jokes.

Best Song: Twinkly Lights (Ms. XXX-Mas)

Not only does Toddrick Hall absolutely kill this performance, but I also love the meaning of the song about POC inclusivity and pride in the LGBT+ community. As the final song in The Bleakening, it’s one hell of a closing number, and I can’t help but dance in my seat whenever it plays. I’ve even listened to it independent from watching the show, and honor I don’t bestow on every song.

Best Episode Archetypes:

The Best Heist: The Taking of Funtime One Two Three

The Belcher kids have stolen a number of things. Chocolate, a bounce house, but the absolute creme de la creme of their heists is the procuring of the Dunebuggy from Family Funtime. When Family Funtime unplugs the macchines whenver the kids get too many tickets from them, the kids decide to pull off the heist of a century to make off with the biggest prize of the arcade: the dune buggy.

The Kids Tell An Anthology: Moms, Lies, and Videotapes

From the Gayle Tales to The Handyman Can, the kids have told a number of anthology stories, but the most impressive of the bunch is their stories of the mother’s day plays into three interesting stories. Though true to form, Gene’s is the weakest of the three, as his usually are. I don’t recall any time when his anthology was the best of the kids’, but then, Gene is not the most creative of the three children. His best story is probably in The Frond Files where his story’s world is colorful and fun to observe.

Best Musical Episode: The Bleakening

Not only do these episodes have a lot of musical numbers, but there is not a single one that doesn’t hit a home run. But more importantly, the entire episode is a musical, with each number helping to tie and bridge together the narrative, which is the entire purpose of musical numbers in a proper musical, which makes this the single best musical episode mainly because it’s the only episode that’s a true blue musical.

Best Holiday Episode: The Hauntening

With The Bleakening already taking the top spot for musical episodes, that leaves the Miss Congeniality of the holiday episodes to take the crown. I didn’t spoil anything about this episode above, and I won’t say a thing about it now. This episode is solid gold.

Best Film Parody: The Quirkducers

Not only is this episode clever in the way it uses its source material, but the family all have moments to shine despite the stars being Louise and Gene. The show also makes good use of the Schoolhouse Seven (the main group of the Belcher Kids, Jimmy and Zeke, and Tammy and Jocelyn), and each of them brings something great to the episode. It undoubtedly earned its place in the top 10, and will likely hold its place for years to come.

[mastcrplanncr-a]

issue #23 made me really heccin’ emo over eggman and sonic. i was prepared for it, but also ?? not prepared??? holy frick im just gonna ramble under the cut.

first of all, i’m just gonna’ idly ramble about some things i noticed.

Eggman, literally 11 issues ago:

he makes these off remarks and then changes his mind whenever it’s convenient for him smh. that or hes a freaking liar and. WELL THAT’S PRETTY TRUE HONESTLY.

i’ma be honest fam starline is a freaking mood rn. it’s ?? so dumb?? LIKE EGGMAN WHERE IS YOUR FUCKING FAILSAFE UR SOLUTION WAS “not touching the robots hurr durr” PL EASE.

In retrospect, though, this is an interesting parallel to Forces because he’d apparently learned from his mistakes. TBF, and it has been brought up elsewhere on tumblr, this is a man recovering from amnesia. He must’ve just not gotten to that part. OR HE’S JUST. DUMB AND ARROGANT. Like, yeah, sure, there’s no vaccine - lol the heroes can’t fix anything & it also means you’re valuable because you’re the one person who can. BUT COME ON EGGMAN.

my friend actually predicted this holy shit. i was rambling abt a discussion we had in the egg cult, where we were talking about the possibility of sonic infecting eggman to blackmail him into getting the cure because he’s reached the point?? hes so done with eggman’s shit??? all his friends are in danger and hes backed into a wall what else is he to do than do the one thing he doesn’t want to: use eggman’s tactics against him?

and my friend was like:

LIKE. IT IS A HUGE RISK, and Sonic went FOR IT. I’M SCREAMING TBH.

THIS CONFRONTATION WAS SO FUCKING RAW YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. I thought I was ready for it but I really, REALLY wasn’t. I love the little details of Starline bein’ like: “oh fuck” - usually he’s pretty cocky around Sonic but uh. HE’S INFECTED NOW. And the zero remark - idk if that’s intentional on the writer’s part but ZERO TO HERO anyone?

anyway toxi broke down crying at this point. you have no idea how much i was sobbing over my blue son just. pouring out his heart to his nemesis. that’s top tier tearjerking material.  also starline passive aggressively readjusting his outfit lmfao. BITCH IM FABULOUS. but man the usage of ‘ BE’ and ‘LIKE’ - Sonic knows who Eggman is; he’d never ask him to be something he’s not. but it’s also a reiteration of sonic’s want to see good in him; being LIKE tinker is a statement in that he wanted eggman to be who he was, but NOT to go back. to do good for the world. have it be his own decision, because deep deep down:

isn’t that what he really wants?

Also, although there are those sickly sweet descriptions, the usage of ellipses in this narrative really fucks me up because you can practially hear the gradual realization in eggman’s voice. his mockery starts out so !!! but it just eventually gets straight to the point, as a list. as a routine. because he was used to it. and because, some part of him misses it. notice the usage of ‘need’ and ‘use’. they needed him, and yet he used the people that appreciated him sm like puppets.

some nice guilt there, huh, doc?

ALSO I SPENT LIKE, HOURS TRYING TO FIND THIS EXACT DIALOGUE, but Eggman has a conversation in Dark Brotherhood with Sonic and makes this remark:

LIKE??? this isn’t new to his character, actually? Ignoring the ken penders thing bc smh. Going by this game he’s actually kind of okay with that set up. And he just works so well with the others too??? this isn’t even taking into account the other games he’s teamed up with them. I’m sorry but my head just goes back to this line so many times; it’s one of the ones that stick with me, along with ‘complicated guy’ from lost world. HE COULD!! legitimately do good. and he actually doesn’t find it too bad??? IM EMO MAN...

and IMAGINE making super cool things that people genuinely like... eggman has a HUGE ego, that much is very apparent; he’s super big on appreciation as comes with. and with tinker? he had that - he felt appreciated and loved. people LIKED what he made, and he didn’t have to bend over backwards to have that. his work felt included and he didn’t have to take that appreciation by force like he did with his lackeys (which half the time was fake anyway) .

first and foremost - WE SEE THAT OPEN YOUR HEART REFERENCE, IDW. also sonic’s frustration here, in comparison to the lil smile the panel before - he’s just!! “WHY CANT YOU WAKE THE FRICK UP OLD MAN”. the justification here seems a tad bit like DENIAL to me. and the justification seems... kind of odd from him? since when does EGGMAN justify anything he does? He does what he wants and when he wants, because he’s the E.G.G.M.A.N. he doesn’t care what anyone thinks... right?

it’s because - especially with the usage of better - he didn’t like where that train of thought was going. for once, he’s justifying himself - because the alternative is admitting sonic is right. that he did like that life. that he’d want to go back. throw it in a hierachy and it’s all so simple, right?

also the inclusion of open your heart lyrics here. the incident with chaos was just as catastrophic. and these lyrics in context of the previous panel, highlights how sonic and eggman both seek unity and peace but in their own ways; eggman’s is just evil. it seems a little bit of a diversion to me - to antagonise sonic and make him forget about it. what better way to do that than to relate to him? ‘own styles that we won’t change’ highlights a stubbornness in ways, too, especially with the current context of eggman denying his old life. ALSO IT IS LITERALLY TELLING EGGMAN TO OPEN HIS HEART.

and ngl this seems like idle banter to hide the fact he genuinely felt remorse for his actions for a second. because lbr he has a habit of being all talk when a plan goes wrong or suffering inside,

which starline does quite pointedly explain.

As I was saying above, Sonic has no choice in what to do now - he’s reaching his limit. OR ELSE. hes pondering doing the thing he doesnt want to do. and honestly, ‘you can’t stop me. no one can,’ is so hardhitting not just because of its looming threat, but because of how much it solidifies for sonic that he can’t take the chance anymore. if anyone is going to change eggman, it has to be himself.

also can i just cry over how much sonic trusts tails. im getting sa2 flashbacks.

also man i’d like to point out the specific use of ‘lock you away forever’. it coooould be a reference to sonic’s time imprisoned during the events of sonic forces. bitterness?

NOT SAYING I CALLED IT, BUT I CALLED IT. it still hurts though. and wow, it really is horrifying when eggman fears his own heccin’ creation, huh?

i live for sonic being passive aggressive with eggman. give me more please.

im immensely concerned the direction starline is going, honestly. but it does say a lot about eggman; how he’ll keep trying the same things expecting different results, but failing and never seeing that. because he’s EGGMAN; every plan is brilliant by default!

i love how sonic just !!! SHOT... THE MOMENT HE WAS REMINDED WHAT WAS AT STAKE. son i love you so much you’re doing great sweetie

also, man, can we talk about eggman avoiding his blatant faults, and shoving his failures onto someone else? because this little scene here - eggman ur literally the one who crashed the thing. it had absolutely nothing to do with sonic. i feel as though this is symbolism of his self-destructive nature, honestly. hes always gotta make things harder for himself. (also starline’s face is killing me)

Eggman does what he has to, but technology won’t work every time you kick it. he thinks he can get everything through force but we have several instances in idw where force did NOT work out; you’re not gonna get far, egghead.

MHM, and just who does that sound like, Eggman? honestly the mirrors between these two are seriously destroying me. although sonic is in a horrible position, so is eggman; he likes to think he’s won the war, but hes surpassed his own expectations, and that’s going to backfire on him eventually. hes stubborn to admit he has NO REIGN over this and they’re all doomed, so he’s pinning his failures / loss on Sonic.

is that the amnesia kicking ya in the shin, eggman? or sonic’s reality check? either way, the doc hates emotions. dammit man why you gotta make him emo

future eggman is going to kick past eggman in the kneecaps. it’s times like this ur reminded how much of a kid he is. eugh but that’s work i want my victory and senseless destruction now. honestly if the doc is after success, he is certainly not getting it this way and I AM FEARING FOR EVERYONE’S LIVES. he’ll probably have to work with what’s left of the resistance like the back end of most games at some point.

I’m getting a little burnt out but i can’t forget my son and how much he hurts me.

first of all that third panel terrifies me. the fact it GOT that far does me great concern. the RED EYES? that’s pushing it fam i dont like that. the expressions are also just freaking destroying me; they’ve been PERFECT this issue. and the fact sonic is at his weakest when he feels like he’s failed everyone hurts me deeply. he has SO much on his shoulders and its getting too overwhelming for him.

also man... the whole thing with eggman... just stuff me man. but it hurts all the more because it’s so glaringly clear that there is?? some good in eggman??? he just. doesn’t want to admit it. and unfortunately these aren’t good circumstances to debate on that.

ANYWAY, THAT ISSUE WAS AGONY AND IM STILL REELING AND HAVENT EVEN. TALKED ALL THAT MUCH ABOUT SONIC HERE (on account of this being eggman’s blog) but idk if i’ll write anything on that.

gonna go cry about an egg now brb

[love-little-lotte]

POTO Manila 2019 Experience

I crossed one thing off my bucket list last March 2, 2019. 

Finally, finally, finally. I finally got the chance to witness my all-time favorite musical, The Phantom of the Opera, live. Anyone who really knows me knows that I am totally in love with this show. 

I first learned about the existence of POTO when I was 10, when I first read an abridged version of the Gaston Leroux novel. Then I watched the 2004 film, starring Gerard Butler and Emmy Rossum. Ever since then, I fell in love with the musical. I listened to the Original London Cast, with Michael Crawford, Sarah Brightman, and Steve Barton. I watched the 25th anniversary, with Ramin Karimloo and Sierra Boggess. I streamed countless YouTube videos. I wrote down the lyrics, memorized them by heart, and sang along even though I couldn’t reach the high notes, not for the life of me. 

POTO became one of my passions, and (yes it sounds cheesy AF) also helped me become the person who I am today. It’s not my first musical (family friendly The Sound of Music is my first because my mom plays the Julie Andrews movie all the time), but it opened my obsession to musical theatre. Through POTO, I got to learn more about Broadway, theatre, and musicals. 

I have my brother to thank for this wonderful experience. This was meant to be a birthday and graduation present all rolled into one. And it’s actually the best present I’ve ever received. Not only did he pay for all of my expenses, he also accompanied me and took my pictures! Shoutout to him for making one of my major dreams come true.

This was taken on our way to the theatre. It was a one-show day, and the play was going to start at 2:30 PM. I heard from my friend (who already saw the previews) told me I should be there as early as possible so I can take a lot of pictures before most of the audience arrive. And since I want to take as many photos as I can, my brother and I left our hotel as early as 12 noon. 

I was so excited I even took a photo of the theatre while we were in the car. My heart was pounding the entire time. My head was reeling. I still couldn’t believe I was there. It felt like a dream I had before. And believe me when I say I dreamt a lot for this moment. 

When we got closer to the theatre, I saw a big poster just right outside. I gave out an excited squeal. “I got to take a picture of that!” I told my brother. 

And so I did. 

Before entering, we noticed there was some Phantom stuff just right outside by the entrance. Aside from the make-up closet (which is self-explanatory), I didn’t know what was inside of the rest of the boxes but I still took some photos nonetheless. I still had a lot of energy around this time. 

This was by the entrance: some posters of the musical productions that toured in Manila before. (From left to right: Chicago, Singin’ in the Rain, Les Misérables, Wicked, West Side Story, and The Sound of Music)

After entering the building, I saw this amazing backdrop and of course, immediately posed in front of it......

.....only to learn the words “The Phantom of the Opera” were cropped so I told my brother we had to go back so we can take a proper picture again. 

And there we go. 

We went to the second floor afterwards, which was where the theatre was located. And this was when the “taking of photos” spree began. 

Exhibit A: Mask, roses, and candelabras. Yep, that’s the whole show right there. 

I’m kind of bummed that they didn’t really have a photoshoot for the World Tour. I mean it’s nice to see Kelly Matheison from the West End cast because she’s adorable and gorgeous, but I would love to see some Meghan Picerno HD posters too. 

Don’t mind me, I’m just posing here with the POTO posters. 

Exhibit B: Ah love this shiny, sparkly mask. Yes, the pic is sadly a bit blurry. 

Exhibit C: My brother told me to go sit down on the floor and pretend to be Christine, but there was no way I’m doing that with that dress. I wanted to put on the cloak and the mask, but decided I should go with the rose instead. 

Exhibit D: “Look at yourself in the mirror, I am there inside!” This is my favorite picture, which also refers to my favorite part in the musical. 

Exhibit E: Yeah at this point I was running out of poses. Standing and smiling at the camera was getting boring. 

Oh, and would you look at this! A production of Cats in November 2019, starring Joanna Ampil! Isn’t that amazing? She’s one of my favorite theatre actresses and I would kill to see her sing Memory live.

Anyway, what’s up with the Philippines and Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals?

Yeah, what is up with Andrew Lloyd Webber and the Philippines? We just can’t get enough of it. I’d definitely want to watch Love Never Dies when it comes to Manila, even though I’m not such a big fan of the story. The music is brilliant, as well as the sets and costumes. Can we please have Meghan Picerno as Christine Daaé in this production once again? (And maybe throw in Jonathan Roxmouth, too, cause people love him so much here.)

At this point, my brother already left me. He went back to the hotel while I sat on one of the couches, waiting for the theatre to let the audience in. I took a selfie with the brochure. I thought we were all given a program for free, but it turns out you still have to buy them in the gift shop. 

Yay! I’m finally inside. I was in the second row, which was very thrilling, especially since the chandelier was really close to me. I couldn’t wait for it to fall down at the end of Act 1!

Sadly, this is the only picture I had inside the theatre. I was so busy taking it all in that I forgot to take a selfie or something. I still couldn’t believe I was there.

I cried as soon as the overture began to play. There are three possible reasons why I did so: one, I can’t believe I’m really here; two, the music was so beautiful, and three, the light from the chandelier made my eyes hurt lol. But, whatever the reason was, I assure you, there were some tears.

My first genuine cry was during The Mirror scene, when the Phantom showed himself in the mirror. It’s just a super iconic scene, and truly one of my favorites.

But the major highlight for me was Masquerade. Sure, I was expecting myself to cry during All I Ask of You (Reprise) or the Final Lair, but Masquerade overwhelmed me. The costumes were amazing up close! I’ve mentioned a lot of times before that POTO costumes are my favorite things ever. The intricately-designed Elissa dress, the fan-favorite Wishing dress, the iconic white robe, and of course, my personal favorite Aminta dress.

But the costumes during Masquerade was the highlight. I didn’t know where to look because I want to take it all in! The ensemble were great, too, and there was just a big fat stupid grin on my face the whole time.

You know, live theatre isn’t that perfect. I can hear the whirring of the machines as they change the backdrop and their heels clicking loudly onstage. I see them spit at each other’s faces. But damn it, it was beautiful. It’s raw and real, which is what theatre is all about. 

Sorry for the bad angle haha. This was the cast I saw my first POTO production and I’m eternally grateful at them for giving me a performance to remember. I was just so excited to see that I’m going to watch Jonathan Roxmouth and Meghan Picerno! I’ve seen a lot of videos of them rehearsing, and they both sounded heavenly. I was grinning from ear-to-ear.

Jonathan Roxmouth didn’t fail me. His voice was soft and angelic, and he truly embodied the Angel of Music. I got chills during The Mirror scene, as soon as he sang the words, “Insolent boy!” His Music of the Night was a spectacle, and his height difference with Meghan Picerno also helped. I don’t know why, but I really love it when the Phantom’s a great taller than Christine. Meghan only reached Jonathan’s chest, so their iconic “hug” scene during MoTN looked really good. He also glanced at me during All I Ask of You (Reprise) as he sang the words, “You will curse the day you did not do, all that the Phantom asked of you!” So that truly “made my night.”

Jonathan also scared the crap out of me during the Final Lair. He was truly menacing and just plain scary. I love scary Phantoms, and he definitely delivered! When he said the line, “You try my patience! Make your choice”, he put his face really close to Meghan, and I could definitely see him seethe angrily at her.

But he gained my sympathy in the last part when he started singing Masquerade to the music box. At that point, I was crying my eyes out already. I hope the people in my row didn’t judge me too harshly! No matter how many times I’ve seen POTO, I always cry during the Masquerade reprise.

On a side note, Jonathan’s really adorable in the curtain call. He made a Korean heart sign just after he bowed. Korean culture is really popular in the Philippines for some reason, and he earned a lot of laughs and claps from the audience when he did so.

Meghan Picerno, on the other hand, was the sweetest and sympathetic Christine ever. Okay, that’s a bit of a stretch since she’s the first Christine I saw live, and I’m a bit biased. Her crystal-clear vocals also didn’t fail. I’ve seen videos of her in Love Never Dies, and she was amazing there. Her Think of Me was just so pure, and her Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again made me teary eyed.

Meghan carried herself well. Not only was she a darling and innocent Christine, but she was also a fierce one too. During the Final Lair, when she said the words, “This haunted face holds no horror for me now, it’s in your soul that the true distortion lies”, her expression was not scared or anything. I just love that she could project a lot of emotions from Christine, and not only stick to one.

She also shared good chemistry with Jonathan Roxmouth, especially during The Point of No Return. The sexual tension between the Phantom and Christine was undeniable. The way they touched each other, even caressed each other in that scene was so, so, so good. It’s definitely one of the main highlights of the show for me.

And, of course, Matt Leisy was a darling Raoul. Just like his co-stars, his vocals were heavenly. His All I Ask of You is plain sweet. The way he hugged and twirled Christine at the end part of the song was also a major highlight for me. Also, he was very attentive to Christine, and he was protective of her - some important qualities that Raoul should have. In the Il Muto scene, when Christine started getting nervous that the Phantom was watching over her, I can’t help looking at Matt because he was so undeniably concerned and protective of her. And during Twisted Every Way, he was demanding, but at the same time, very considering.

Matt also worked well alongside Meghan. They balance well with each other. As a matter of fact, the three of them are great together. It’s obvious that they’re comfortable with each other onstage. The Final Lair was so thrilling, and it’s all thanks to them. I’m so happy that they get to be my first POTO Big 3.

Overall, the ensemble was great! I love them so much, and I’m extremely honored that I had them as my first ever POTO cast.

Also, bought two souvenirs from the gift shop! A really cute necklace (which costs 1,500 PHP/28.75 USD) and a tote bag (800 PHP/15.33 USD). I wanted to buy the charm bracelet, too, but I feel like I’m going to have more fun with the necklace, compared to it. 

And there you have it! This was an extremely long post, but I want to immortalize my first POTO experience. I’m still in cloud nine, even though it has been almost three days now. It’s truly an experience I will never forget.

[dailydoseofbeautiful-image]

1) IT’S OKAY TO FAIL

I’m not sure how other 34 year olds feel when their 35th birthday is coming up. As for me, I felt like my failures grew more apparent. Celebrate what you HAVE accomplished and be grateful for another day.

2) CRAVE TO BE A BEGINNER AGAIN

I’ve been wanting to try something new for a good minute. Like point number one, it’s okay to fail at something! This goes hand in hand with being a beginner. I strongly believe in being a student of life. I always wanted to learn a new language.

3) LOVE YOUR PARENTS

We are often so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old! If you needed a reminder to call your parents, this is it. Do it now! My mom is my world. She was my worst enemy as a teenager but now my best friend as an adult <3

4) MOVE AT YOUR OWN PACE

Fuck what everyone is doing on Instagram. Fuck what your high school friends are doing. Fuck what your college friends are doing. Live your life at your own pace. If you had kids or want kids before marriage, fuck it. If you chose your career before a man, FUCK IT. You will move at the pace that is meant for YOU.

5) SO LIVE THE LIFE AND TAKE EVERY CHANCE TO BE AS HAPPY AS YOU CAN BE..

Being true to yourself takes guts. First, you’ve got to face everything around you and figure out what is important; what you think really counts ;). second, you’ve got to interact with a lot of people who may see things differently.

6) RELATIONSHIPS

No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater... The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences. and that’s the key. it’s like a big pie chart, and the love in a relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot.

7) SOULMATE

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah.. too painful. soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then Leave.

8) 30S ARE BETTER THAN YOUR 20S

It’s the same! Except we’re still young enough to have fun without making dumb decisions. We’re also more mindful financially! We always have experienced and seen things and know what not to repeat. I feel a little more at ease at 30. I’m caring less about what other people think. I really don’t have energy for it anymore!

9) WEAR THE FUCKING SUNSCREEN

My mom always told me to wear sunscreen on my face. I never listened. I have a lot of sunspots on my face now! Wearing sunscreen helps protect you from skin cancer, wrinkles and sunspots/freckles. If you aren’t listening to ya mama, listen to me! lol I wear Glossier’s Invisible Shield, but they’ve been sold out for a good minute. So, I’m currently using Super Goop’s Sunscreen Moisturizer. So far, it hasn’t made me break out!

10) TAKE OFF YOUR MAKE UP BEFORE BED

At the very least, keep some make up removal wipes beside your bed! I know we’re tired af at the end of the night, but you’ll be doing your skin a huge favor in the long run. Just know that make up wipes don’t take off everything, you’d be surprised how much is still on your face! So always try to go further and do your skin care routine.

11) LIFE

This Life is what you make it. no matter what, you’re going to mess up sometimes. it’s a universal truth. But the good part is you get to decide how you’re going to mess it up. Girl’s will be your Friends - they’ll act like it anyways. but just remember, some come, some go. the ones that stay with you through everything- they’re your true best friends. don’t let go of them. As for Lovers, well, they’ll come and go too. And i hate to say it, most of them - actually pretty much all of them are going to break your heart, but you can’t give up because if yoi give up, you’ll never find your soulmate, you’ll never find that half who makes you whole and that goes for everything. just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will? so keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.

12) GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT

Everyone on social media posts their highlight reels but only a few share the grit and grind behind it all. Don’t forget to give yourself credit even for the smallest things that you don’t think is “post worthy”. Pat yourself on the back!

13) BE MORE SELF AWARE OF HOW YOU REACT TO OTHERS

I strongly believe in the butterfly effect. How you treat others can leave a positive or negative effect on them. I always try my best to be kind to others. If I can’t be kind, I’m very quiet! Even if people are mean to me, I think deeper like are they having a bad day? Maybe my kind act can help them change their mood.

14) BE NICE AND EXPECT NOTHING IN RETURN

Best recipe to live by. So many people offer a lending hand but expect so much in return.

15) DON’T FORCE THINGS – LET IT FLOW ORGANICALLY

Someone who forces shit to happen is ignorant & aggressive. You can’t force relationships or friendships to work out. It doesn’t work that way if it’s ONE SIDED. Sometimes, TIME helps a situation out. Let it play out, what’s destined to be yours will be yours!!! All relationships should be bloomed organically. Always try to understand one another. Some people don’t move like you and that’s okay.

16) YOU DON’T TOLERATE PEOPLE OR SITUATIONS LIKE YOU USED TO

Enough said. Ain’t no body got time for that.

17) IT’S NORMAL TO SEE A THERAPIST

You don’t have to be “crazy” to see a therapist. I did and it was life changing. There’s a huge stigma with mental health, but it’s actually more common than people think. People struggle with it daily but hide it because of the stigma. I also found out that students who are trying to become a therapist offer free or very affordable services to those who don’t have insurance! Check out any college and I’m sure you’ll find something fitting!

18) MEDITATE.. DO THAT SHIT PLS

Practice your breathing too! Headspace is really helpful app that concentrates on various subjects: anxiety, depression, stress, etc. I don’t meditate long! It can be as little as 3 minutes. Taking a moment to find yourself again can help you in the long run.

19) NOW’S THE TIME TO SEE THE WORLD

BITCH, you better be planning to travel!!!!! I can’t emphasize this enough. If you’re a woman reading this, we MUST DO IT NOW. Before you have kids, just do yourself this favor. You won’t regret it. Seeing parts of the world has broaden my perspective immensely!

20) MARI KONDO THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR LIFE: CLOTHES, BOOKS…PEOPLE

I’m at this point in my life where I’m looking at everything and everyONE and ask myself, does this spark joy?! It’s completely necessary for you to start fresh and say thank you to things and people who no longer serve a purpose in your life.

21) IF YOU DON’T HEAL WHAT HURT YOU, YOU WILL BLEED ON PEOPLE WHO DIDN’T CUT YOU (@THEASLAYWAY)

You can’t rely on someone else to fill the void you were supposed to heal yourself first. Don’t be selfish and make sure that you are completed healed when moving on to the next partner!

22) DO WHAT YOU WANT, POST WHAT YOU WANT, LIVE HOW YOU WANT!!!!

WE AINT GIVIN A FUCK IN 2019 & MOVING FORWARD. Go ahead and post what you want. We’re not living for the validation of others.

23) DON’T LIVE SOMEONE ELSE’S DREAM

Currently trying to get through this right now. lol

24) MENTAL HEALTH IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR PHYSICAL HEALTH

This goes with 17 & 18. If I sound like I’m repeating myself, then it’s because I really am adamant about it! I didn’t always have GAD, but when I realized I had it, I learned to take the necessary steps to control my anxiety. I realized working out in the gym is not the only “exercising” I should be doing. I should be practicing affirmation, gratitude & meditation.

25) BE CAREFUL WHO YOU GET CLOSE TO

Some people really just in it for the gossip. Keep your circle tight and you’ll be aiite. For me, being in the social media industry has led me to meet several people. It’s rare to meet someone genuine, so I always make sure I keep my distance but still always show respect and give them an opportunity to open up.

26) OTHER PEOPLE MAY BE TOXIC IN YOUR LIFE, BUT MAKE SURE YOU’RE NOT THE TOXIC ONE

As you get older, accountability will help you grow. Owning up to your actions towards others can help you realize how you react towards others or situations. Before pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean. I’m a strong believer of what you give this world is gonna come back to you.

27) PLEASE DON’T WORK OUT ON ONLY BOOTY AND ABS

I remember signing up for the gym and telling the membership counselor my goal was to grow a bigger butt and get abs. I’ve learned that your body works as a whole unit, not in isolation! Overall strength over aesthetic is the wave! I love being strong <3

28) RESEARCH HOW YOU CAN IDENTIFY PERSONALITY DISORDERS

You’ll come across people in your life that you can’t see eye to eye with. It could be family, your partner or your friends. I think it’s important to grasp a better understanding of personality traits/disorders such as narcissism, bipolar, emotional abusers, psychopaths, etc. They come or are in your life more often than you think! Not only do I suggest to gain insight on it, but also I recommend researching how to DEAL with it. I promise you things will come to light once you do.

29) LOVE YOURSELF – YOU CAN’T SERVE FROM AN EMPTY VESSEL

Your 20s are your selfish years. Remember to put yourself FIRST. We cannot love someone successfully without loving ourselves first. Our first love should be ourselves to know how WE want to be loved. We must feel secure before stepping into anything serious. Live life for yourself, be gracious and love yourself wholeheartedly.

30) BEFORE YOU ARGUE

Before you argue with someone, ask yourself, is that person even mentally mature enough to grasp the concept of different perspectives? Because if not, there’s absolutely no point.

31) NEVER TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

never take responsibility for ppl not seing your worth. There was nothing u could have changed them. No perfection would have made them loyal. No sacrifice would have them made committed. Stop taking blame for decisions that aren't yours

32) Success is never owned.. it’s rented, and the rent is due everyday. -pacman

33) SOMETIMES

I care too much, I trust too much, I think too much, I love too much, everything about me is just too much. But even so I wouldn’t want to change that about me. Just holding onto the hope that one day my “too much” will be everything someone could ever want.

34) FROM GOOD THINGS TO BAD THINGS

From good things, we learn to be a thankful person. From bad things, we learn to be a strong person. Remember that everything will not go the way you want it to. It's a matter of learning that life isn't handed to you. Stop worrying about what others want. Think about what you want, if you listen too much to what people say about you, you will never be who you really are.

[homieswithhades]

BTS Analysis;

I don’t even know if I can call this an unpopular opinion bc I know some people agree with this, this is more of an in-depth analysis and personal experience I guess. It’s all about bts... and its lowkey a mess. I apologise in advance for any grammar/spelling errors, and times I may contradict myself a bit. This is something that REALLY bothers me. I just want to clarify that I love bts a lot, and that I was the HUGEST STAN for a good 5ish months. I still stan them but not as much due to the following reasons.

They just don’t make good music anymore.  They love yourself era was when everything turned to shit. The actual core love yourself concept is very good but,,,, it was executed really poorly.

Dna was my first comeback with them, even though I’ve been listening to them since august 2016. But when actually became a stan in April 2017, I was obsessed with them. I was so damn excited for their September 2017 cb that my standards were through the roof. During the summer they changed the logo and did the beyond the scene thing,,, that’s the first thing that kind of irked me,,, and then they did the highlight reels in the style of I need u and they were redeemed.

When love yourself her started promotions and teasers, the bar was higher than the person who edited the DNA mv. The concept pics were so unfitting??? And just lacked that aesthetic element. I dint like them at all,,,, and the album cover was,,, below standard and looked rushed and lazily designed. But when serendipity came out I loved it (and I still do) so that fuelled my expectations for the music, even though they weren’t really that damaged by the odd first impression of the album. But then DNA came out and???? I was so disappointed?????? The beat was so annoying,,, the mv was so ugly,, the outfits were ugly,,, the lyrics were weird. In other words DNA was just a straight up flop... I hoped the rest of the album would have been better but,,,, it really, REALLY wasn’t.

After love yourself her I lost a lot of interest in bts. I missed their old music so much, and I was genuinely upset over it. I didn’t follow them as closely as I used to. I started to joke about them with my friends who lost interest in bts before me, but I still missed the old bts so much. The whole Ellen show thing, all the western media like Buzzfeed and Billboard making vids and articles about bts, all the rigged award shows, it pissed me off bc they were getting famous in the US bc of their worst album that didn’t display their full potential at all!!!!

Imma just go out and say it, armys are one of the most toxic fandoms ever.

Sometimes they’re just plain disrespectful and starting arguments where they don’t belong. I wouldn’t be able to count how many times I got attacked on Twitter, Instagram and even in the YouTube comments for expressing a different opinion. I remember all the fan wars and scandals. All the mobs at airports, All the times k-fans and i-fans tried to ruin another groups reputation (I’m not saying other fans never did this, bc it was always a thing, but it was never this extreme.) and the fuckin credit card thing oh my god,,,, a huge shitstorm caused by one fandom that lasts for years on end.

When bts got really mainstream, and gained more young western fans, they really ruined bts even further for me. Not to mention all the cringey tweets and memes, they hurt to look at. I absolutely don’t mind the “you got no jams” meme or the “ExCuSE mE” one, bc theyre just pure goof from the members, but when armys took it and overused it, that’s when it started to get annoying.

Some armys genuinely think bts is the only kpop group and that the world revolves around them. They comment “annyeonghaseyo any armys here???!!!” in the most unexpected places, I deadass saw someone on my overwatch team playing quick play with the name “army.FOREVER.saranghae” yall do realise it costs 10$ to change ur blizzard username, right?

Some armys also don’t respect other kpop groups in older gens (or any other ones for that matter) and assume that bts broke through into the western world themselves, which is complete bullshit, without groups like bigbang, shinee, tvxq, shinhwa, h.o.t,  seo taiji boys etc etc (and other ones I don’t know of rip) kpop would have never gotten into the western world.

I never identified as an army bc I knew they were cringey bc of my friends who were HUGE armys back in 2016 and low-key koreaboos, and I knew what the bad stans looked like, so I never associated with them, and just called myself a bts stan. But the whole western situation just got so goddamn worse. I was sick of the Americans plaguing bts for me.

I also wanna say, I know not all armys are toxic and cringey. And I respect the level headed and chill Armys, yall are doing it right.

Moving on from Armys, I noticed a change in bts themselves. Namjoon changed his stage name, which absolutely sent me. I understand the meaning behind it but for some reason I felt that he did it to be fake deep? Or woke, and that he tried to completely cover-up his past self. The other members became cocky and were always draped in all that ugly Gucci and designer shit. I knew they were being forced to act the way they were acting, bc I know them well. I know how they really are. I know that they’re good people. I know they’re very humble deep down. They had that special connection with their fans before, that made u feel like u were good friends with them, and they absolutely ruined that. They’re being forced to put on this fake image to impress you filthy Americans.

I still stan bts atm. But I stan them for their old music and the people they truly are, not who they are portrayed to be. I can’t remember when euphoria came out, but I was kinda annoyed they tried to incorporate hyyh prologue into their shitty concept. And the song was also annoying and too edm-ish (like most of their new songs, idk why their style completely changed). Anyway, when tear came out, I was still kinda off the bandwagon, and I saw the concept pics and I was surprised at how nice they were. I saw the album cover, which was still ugly but better than the previous one. Then Singularity came out and!!!!! I loved it a lot. And then fake love happened. Oof is all I have to say. But some songs on the album, were actually good. Like the truth untold, paradise and OUTRO TEAR. Outro tear will remain the best song in the love yourself trilogy.

I also feel that I have to acknowledge that for all the love yourself albums only the intro and outro were genuinely up to standard (except outro answer).

Then came love yourself answer and idol. When I found out they were collabing with niki minaj I lost it. The concept pics were ugly once again, it was supposed to a controversial comeback???? And??? It wasn’t. I’m honestly glad it wasn’t promoted.

I noticed a repetitiveness with songs on answer. The beat was off with the singing. It was all just a mess. I also noticed the amount of godddamn auto tune in the songs (eg, mic drop, fake love, idol, airplane pt.2 and others I can’t remember atm) all of bts’s old songs all sound unique and different, and they all had this “emotional” element to them, to elaborate on that, compare dna, fake love or idol to save me, I need u or young forever. Notice how dna, fake love and idol convey absolutely no emotion through the lyrics or the actual beat of the song, unlike save me, I need u or young forever, that literally have more sentimental/emotional value in the few English lines that are in the song then all of the lyrics in their 3 new title tracks combined. I think this is my most difficult point to explain bc different songs make people feel different things, but it’s no doubt that you can tell the difference between a song that’s made to appeal to the masses with no unique properties to a song that coveys deep emotion (whatever the emotion may be) through the beat, the lyrics and the sound of the vocals/rapping alike. Listen to intro nevermind, and then listen to go go and just try to tell me that im wrong.

Alos, bts seem to have incorporated auto tune into songs, especially on their vocalists. bts don’t need the auto tune bc they’re good vocalists. Also, I have to mention, the vocal line isn’t the “best” per say. they’re good vocalists but it’s nothing special. Seokjin is the best vocalist period. Jungkook’s voice is generic, and in recent songs he has been straining it to reach the notes. Taehyungs voice isn’t even that special, it’s just deep, and it only really suits ballads and R&B songs like singularity or butterfly. Jimin has a very nice voice, but again, it’s nothing extraordinary. I feel that Jin has the most vocal potential, and he doesn’t get to show it, he has this really unique voice, idk what it is about it that just??? I really love it. But to clarify, I’m not hating on their voices or saying there untalented, because they’re very talented, but most of vocal line gets too much credit. As for rap line, I think they’re one of bts’s strongest points. Namjoons style is so smooth and just overall good? It amazes me that he rapped so well over the years with a breathing problem. Hoseok is a good rapper too, his sound is unique and his adlibs add to that uniqueness in older songs, as for Yoongi, I genuinely think he’s one of the best rappers in the industry, it’s not about the speed element, it’s about his flow, his power, his emotion, everything about his rap is just amazing.

Now I wanna talk about the member’s individual popularity. The maknae line has the most stans, and quite frankly, their stans are the worst. Treat all of the members with the same love and respect. Sure, it’s perfectly fine to have a bias but to disregard the other members is just plain wrong.

Bts are human beings, first and foremost, and then there musicians second. They’re being made into media puppets and clout bait, which they absolutely don’t deserve. They deserve recognition for their good stuff, which they have PLENTY of.

All in all, I’m sick of the American attention. It’s cringey, annoying and unnecessary. Sure, bts deserve recognition but not that much of it!!!!!!

And they were being recognised for the wrong thing for fucks sake!!!! I didn’t like ANY of the new songs on answer. I only liked epiphany. And then I found out it wasn’t written by any of the members. Rip. Fans will unfortunately blindly follow, stream and like whatever they put out like blind sheep because it’s accustomed to them, bighit KNOW that they’ll make more money in America. They know no matter what bts put out, no matter how shit it is, fans will like it and itll be revenue for the company. And all the mobile games and the bt21??? Was so unnecessary?? Capitalism amirite? Quantity over quality. It’s the sad truth.

Armys tend to mix up criticism and hate. Although there is a very thin line between the two, there is a difference. Criticism is the analysis and judgement of the merits and faults of something. Hate is blind and unjustified. Hate is disliking something for no reason, or for a very invalid reason. So for example, saying; “I don’t like this apple because its bitter and im not a huge fan of bitter things” is fine to say, unlike, “FUCK THIS APPLE BECAUSE ITS BITTER, FUCK ALL APPLES” you know? It’s okay to dislike a group. It’s NOT okay to hate on a group. No one’s is going to gain anything by hate.

So, all the youtubers are reacting to bts for clout, the fandom is a fucking mess, armys are attacking other fandoms for no reason, the members lost their TRUE humbleness and neglected their real personalities and they’ve put out 3 overall bad standard albums over the course of a whole ass year.

But I still have this spark of hope for them. Why? Because I love them, they have a special place in my heart. I know they have the potential to be amazing, unique and just overall good people with their own personalities, and truly special musical abilities.

After their tour I honestly, really hope the attention dies down and they put out another good, original, album like the hyyh albums, with nice concepts, good songs, and a pleasant to look at mv. It’s really all I ask for. The old bts. I know I’ll never get them back, and I absolutely cherish their old stuff, like the bulletproof logo, bangtan boys, rap monster, hyyh, young forever, no more dream, wings, them all goofing around together and not caring about their image, their wholesome interactions with fans, and all the songs and concepts and theories that never have, and never will be recognised.

On a final note, I realise I can’t blame bts themselves entirely for this. This stuff is only partially “their fault”. Its bighit’s fault, the army’s and haters fault and the media’s fault. But, America is to blame the most. That’s all for today.

[simplyselicia]

BTS Analysis Part 4: Fake Love

Hey! I’m so in love with the new album. Heavy rotation 24/7. As you can tell, this is the fourth installment of my analysis series. I’ve stated in the past to keep in mind I’m not much of a theorist, I’m just really talking about things I noticed and what certain symbolism might mean. I will link the Part 3 about Singularity post here since I’ll probably reference back to it: 

BTS Analysis Part 3: Singularity

This is my first comeback as an ARMY, so when I tell you I was so hype that it hurt I am telling the truth. I am so beyond blown away, I’m not sure if any of this is about to make sense. This gif explains what was going on in my mind while watching Fake Love. 

First, I’ll talk about Fake Love Teaser 1. In the teaser we got call backs to Wings and the Love Yourself Highlight Reels. The boys come in to exchange their fears for a positive so to say. If I had to take an educated guess, based on album notes I’d say Yoongi handed in a piano key. That would leave our intertwined characters. We don’t what Jin was given, if anything. We don’t know what V exchanged. Jungkook never gave over anything, but received a key in return.

When I went back to the highlight reels to research part of the narration really stuck out to me: “Looking back, I had known all along that underneath the glittering world before my eyes lay my deception, that everything was to collapse with a breath of wind. I turned away, I’d side stepped, simply closed my eyes. Afraid I was, afraid to be loved for who I am.”

Fake Love opens with our Smeraldo flower being protected. Very Beauty and the Beast. This is the untold truth that Jin has been asked about. Jin is alone in the room with this untold truth, looking through the window. We see him closing the curtain, and this is followed with doors being shut on Jungkook, leaving him in darkness. Could Jin trying to be shut him out of the truth? Is Jungkook sacrificing himself to be like the child of Omelas? I personally don’t think that Jin knows that Jungkook is looking into his window. 

I’m not sure what else we’ll see, but I think it’s safe to say that Jungkook has entered Jin and V’s tangled web. 

I love the background of this scene. It reflects the choreography, it brings me back to BS&T, AND kind of looks like a variant of “hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil”. They consistently cover their eyes, mouth, or ears during the choreography in the music video. It’s a quick and easy way to convey the mental anguish and struggle within the song. There are a couple other choreography cues that I will refer to later. 

I’d like to get the color theory part of my explanation out of the way here. If you look at the scenes, they range from a plain almost sepia look to a psychedelic technicolor adjacent style. I think this is because we are passing the euphoric fated love of DNA and into the breaking point in Fake Love. The vibrant colors evoke a feeling of being in a dreamlike wonderland while the faded pastels/sepia tones give specific points of focus. We are being guided into their inner darkness. There is a lot to say for muted tones reflecting the mental state of the characters in a film. What comes to mind for me are films like: “Girl, Interrupted”, “Taxi Driver”, and “Fight Club”. Please note, all these examples have a plot that revolve around psychological themes.  

Going back to the first teaser, I’ll explain why I don’t think Jin is aware that Jungkook was watching him through one of his windows. When Jungkook got to the magic shop (styled as a confessional if you noticed) it wasn’t by his choice. He is the only member that really seems to be pushed in. He also doesn’t have anything to exchange on him, but he is given a key. Keys are a symbol of of opening and closing things of course. It can be used to lock something away or set something free. Keys also give us a feeling of security. 

However, looking past the keys for a second I wanted to pose the question of if this seems a little like a nod to Pandora’s box to anyone else? Pandora’s box is a Greek myth that essentially has grown to mean getting into a situation that involves big and unexpected troubles. Older more detailed texts explain it as Pandora opening a jar that released sickness, death, and many other evils into the world. Pandora tried to quickly close the jar, but when she did so the only thing she kept in the jar was a flicker of hope. It was meant to be a way to explain why bad things happen in the world.  Jungkook had no idea what troubles he is going to see moving forward. Is the key the last bit of hope to uncovering the truth and setting everyone free? Since he came empty handed will he be the traded object for everyone else to gain peace?

Alright, from here we start diving deeper into the member’s individual fears. We’ve seen Jin trying to change the outcome of member’s story lines in Euphoria by looking through windows. I think this scene reflects Jin’s fear that some of these things might remain out of his control. There is only so much tampering that can be done, and not only is it stressful to not know if what you’ve changed is right, it’s hard to predict if your moves will make everything fall apart. In the center of it all, is the untold truth. Would it have been easier to face this truth if it was going to come to this anyway?

RM’s scene contains rings and a mirror. The mirror comes from his song Reflection and writing “you need to survive” on the glass. The rings clearly resemble the hand grips that you would see passengers holding onto when standing on a bus. He is still caught between his old self, and the attraction to the girl on the bus in the Love Yourself Highlight Reel. It doesn’t matter how much he likes her. If he can’t accept himself, then it won’t last. The cinematography of Fake Love also flips between of nice parallel lines and then “dutch angles”. A dutch angle is a technique of tilting the camera so none of the angles in the scene are parallel with the bottom of the screen and is used to show psychological unrest/heavy tension in a scene. 

J-Hope is locked in a room full of childish carnival themed props. If you go back in his story line you will find that his mother abandoned him as a child, only leaving him with a Snickers bar. As the music video goes on, we see Snickers bars falling coming through around where the key hole would be and eventually filling up most of the room. That is a very traumatic experience and of course it would result in some type of fear of abandonment. I’ve seen most people saying that the fake love for J-Hope is from his mother, and I think that’s very interesting. Side note that doesn’t really have much to do with anything in particular, but we’ve really entered a time where carnival gear like this is really haunting. Part of that for me is because I always relate carnivals to “The Cask of Amontillado” by Edgar Allan Poe. Although maybe I actually have something there. As with Poe’s short story, there’s no way to know if Jungkook isn’t leading himself to his own doom. Our setting certainly is one of a type of madness after all. Okay, off this tangent, I’m just a Poe fan.

Jungkook has moved on from J-Hope’s scene to Jimin. We can see that he’s in the studio from the Love Yourself Highlight Reel. If you look even closer, the wall he’s in front of is his paradise picture of the trees. I also thought it was interesting that Jimin is interacting with a sink here. I looked up the symbolism for this one, and in dreams it is said that sinks show how our feelings are retained and turned on and off. A bathroom sink in particular signifies a personal desire to be more intimate and revealing of yourself. I spoke about the symbolism of water in Part 3 for Singularity. If we pair those ideas with the sink symbolism, essentially his emotions have been pent up for too long and will come rushing forward in an overwhelming way. I also recognize that this nods back to the time where Jimin was by himself in the bathtub or in the fish tank in the case of the Japanese version of songs. I also talked about in my Part 2 for Euphoria how he’s been left on his own in the hospital. Jimin has no feeling of freedom there, and the person he was closest to (J-Hope) has also left now. 

Jungkook rises from this scene, and once again he and Jin’s movements mirror each other like they did in Euphoria. We also get a glimpse of the object Jin was protecting that held the Smeraldo flower. The flower has turned to sand. Sand is often a symbol meaning the passage of time, but it can also mean eventual destruction or elude to moments that are easily wiped away. Have we already seen the untold truth? Does it mean that everything is already falling apart? Maybe it’s a reference to Jin’s ability to alter things and that this too is just a moment that will be wiped away and changed?

I’d also like to note that the closer Jungkook gets to his destination, the harder it is for him. This is a case of dutch angles being used to build tension in a scene. I also want to take a moment to note the pattern on the floor. This pattern is definitely from the DNA MV just based on the color choices and style. We see it in the hallway Jungkook runs down, and on the floor in Jimin and J-Hope’s sections of Fake Love.    

From there we are brought into V’s scene. He is in this sort of tunnel hallway that is full of phones and empty pictures frames on the walls, but the back wall says “save me”. I saw somewhere that black picture frames symbolize an obsession of being perfect or a fear of not being perfect. I just think that’s an interesting tidbit of info, not sure it really sways the story line in any direction nor gives us much we didn’t already expect. 

V is holding a phone, which calls back (pun intended, please insert a windshield wiper laugh here) to the moment that he was trying to get a hold of RM who couldn’t answer the phone. The hallway is then lit up by the phones twinkling all around him. I’m guessing this is just exaggerating his fear of the call not going through by showing all the phones malfunctioning. 

It might be a reach, but I want to point out that these types of archways remind me of trains, as does the railing to the sides. In Spring Day, V was shown first at the train station.

I want to bring up Jimin a little here as well. Since the boys are exchanging their fears for something positive in the magic shop, I didn’t quite understand why Jimin got the umbrella. I know it shows up in the Highlight Reels, but that didn’t feel to me like a hopeful moment. No matter what Jimin does, he is always getting wet, and the umbrella has never protected him from water/his emotions. I honestly expected him to get a phone because that’s what he used to record J-Hope and the other girl’s practices to recreate the dances. It’s even mentioned in his album notes. Does it mean that no matter the outcome, Jimin is always at a disadvantage? Let me know what you think. 

There is a moment where we cut back to RM, and Jungkook is on the other side of the mirror mimicking his movements. This isn’t the first time Jungkook acted as a mirror, in the choreography he also follows J-Hope’s movements during his segment.  This will eventually bring us to Suga. In his scene, he has a piano and a guitar in the room. The piano dates back through Wings, and the guitar has to do with the girl that gave him the lollipop. There is a lot about piano between Jungkook and Suga’s notes, and of course their story lines are intertwined throughout the music videos. There comes a point where Suga sets fire to his hotel room, but in Euphoria Jin sent Jungkook to save him. 

Fire is often linked to power and passion. Fire has the ability to cause both destruction and transformation. Much like water, it’s symbolism is pretty straight forward. 

Now we’re at the part I wanted to bring up the choreography again. I talked about this for the Singularity analysis, and I see it here as well. The movements they are making are very much like puppetry. The arm movements when they step out side to side with their hands down is certainly like they are being controlled by string. I think it’s interesting that Jin is in the center here and they move according to his hand movements on either side of him as well. 

Jungkook is almost at his destination now, this room is very peaceful despite the events that have been going on. I’ll bring up here that the only members that have had contact/reference with sand in this MV are Jin, V, and Jungkook. I’d like to expand the idea that sand is also a symbol that might mean the foundation you stand on is unstable. The basis of the way you think etc might not be set in reality, and something that you have buried in your subconscious is moving forward. The smeraldo has already turned to sand, but when Jungkook lets it spill from his hand there are remnants of the petals in the shadows on the wall. 

I call this part opening The Chamber of Secrets (I mean he probably knows parseltongue, he is the golden maknae). This is the point where everything begins to come foward: water, fire, snickers (lol). 

He enters the room with the hooded figure, who is standing in front of 6 coat racks (a nod to Singularity I’m sure). From there, we’re left unknowing what decisions will be made.

I think it’s clear enough to see that a tie of some kind has been broken. We’ve certainly gone from the members lacing all of their hands together in DNA to perform a wave to falling apart. I can’t wait to see what comes next. 

BTS Analysis Part 1: Spring Day

BTS Analysis Part 2: Euphoria

BTS Analysis Part 3: Singularity

[lifeafterbts-blog]

Whistle to my soul

So I wanna talk about the upcoming BTS comeback song, DNA and its possible connection with previous concepts. If you've seen the teaser, then you probably saw 7 good looking guys doing suddenly some smooth moves to a whistle tune and before you realized what was happening it was over. Oh yeah, they are looking really nice for this comeback. But what I wanna talk is about the whistle as a symbol and how it can relate with previous concepts.

First, let's make clear what a whistle could symbolize: On a positive light, if done absent-minded its an expression of cheerfulness or happiness at that given moment. On another hand, it can also symbolize a call for attention and in it's more negative form it could represent an alarm or signal of danger.

That being said, let's focus on the last two meanings which are used alot through other symbols (soundwise) in previous BTS songs.

By other symbols I mean ringing bell sounds, sirens and the like. A ringing bell for instance can be heard in NO MORE DREAM as a call for attention to the youth that has no goals or dreams for their life. Similarly, you can hear a police siren in N.O. But, let's skip ahead to I NEED U cause otherwise it'll take me forever.

Btw, I advice you to read my previous post (although Jimin focused) on my interpretation connecting HYYH era until upcoming Love Yourself, since my following ideas exposed are complimentary.

So I NEED U starts with this synthetic drop like sound and as Suga's rap progresses it becomes higher pitched and it resembles more a synthetic singing/whistling bird. And well, you all know how birds play a big part in BTS MVs, so I'm not gonna go too deep in this but if we consider that "synthetic/whistling bird" = "unnatural/fake bird" then it would fit with the whole idea that in that era, they were still at a transitional point were they hadn't fully grown their own "wings" as birds that can fly, and so they were just "pretending" (check out Jimin running with spread arms in the gif above)... and thus it's a call for attention, which leads us to the whole "fake self" portrayed in Love Yourself Highlight Reel.

Forgetting about the M/V storyline though, it gives off this nostalgic cry vibe which fits with the loneliness the overall song and lyrics portray. In that sense, it's similar to Whalien52 high pitch staple sound. Let's talk about RUN though.

RUN has similar sounds to I NEED U (like other songs from the same album) but what I wanna highlight is the sound resembling a faraway police/ambulance siren. It's best heard right at the beginning (around 0:05). Storyline wise, this siren would represent an alarm or signal of danger and throughout the MV you can see various instances fitting of this meaning with Suga & Jungkook fighting, V and Rap Monster getting chased by the police, Jungkook's car accident, etc.

From an exclusive lyrics point of view, they basically talk about being chase by the truth: that (their) love was a lie and thus they run, because they're still not ready to accept it. So the sense of being chased by the truth is accentuated by that faraway sounding siren, like when a police unit turns on their siren when chasing someone. On the other hand, we can also interpret it as an ambulance siren comming to get them because they're ill from their love.

That being said, both interpretation wouldn't be too farfetched if we also apply it to the MVs storyline, as we see V actually end up in a police station in STIGMA; Jungkook in a hospital in Love Yourself HIGHLIGHT Reels; and not to mention Jimin's and J-Hope's multiple introspective hospital bed /psychiatric ward scenes in RUN itself and LIE/MAMA short films.

And speaking of the Wings Short Films, throughout the series we can clearly hear sirens and eerie whistling that work as alarm/danger symbols and overall adding to the dark tone of each member's story.

Let's jump ahead to Blood Sweat & Tears though where you can also hear a siren that progressively becomes louder. The first instance it appears is through Jungkook's part right in the beginning.

For story purposes, it works as a symbol signaling that "something is about to happen". That "something" being the awakening/revelation that each of the members experience throughout the MV. Lyrics wise, that "something" is their surrendering to temptation. And speaking of temptation, alternatively that siren could be interpreted as the mythological creature "siren's voice" enchanting them. On that note, sirens were mostly depicted as a woman with bird like features that with a very sweetly voice would lull sailors to sleep and then kill them. And their name origin my come from the word "bind" in greek. Sounds familiar?

"My blood sweat & tears, my last dance take them all. My cold breath, take it away [...] Sweeter than sweet/ and Chocolate wings but your wings are those of a devil"

And the Japanese ver.: "Tie me up already baby [...] Please end it with your own hands"

Skipping further ahead into Spring Day, in the MV we can hear the departure bell for their "train of thought" which's destination is probably "where did things went wrong?" But speaking about the song itself, during practically the whole song you can hear this synthetic chord progression (is that what you call it?) Personally it was jarring to my ears at first, it's kinda like another kind of modulated siren (sorry I don't know how else to describe it). Anyway, it keeps repeating like how they keep going in circles inside their thoughts. This applies both lyrically (as RM mentions it in his part, and because of the persisting longing expressed in the hook) and visually through the members moving across different settings with each door they cross. Also, in the mv, towards the MV we can listen and see a train passing before Jungkook which could symbolize how his "train of thought" changed lanes and is no longer in a vicious closed circuit. Such change is reflected in the MV when they get off the train and lyrically in the last hook when they reach a decision (to meet on spring day) instead of just lamenting and wondering like previously.

Last stop before our final destination is NOT TODAY. For this one, you can listen right before Suga's rap a high pitch sound that fades away similar to when you have the sensation of a buzzing/ringing/beeping sound in your ears. This condition is called a tinnitus and according to google there's various causes but for storyline purposes, the ones fitting are:

-Natural aging (we see them all transition into adults)

-Certain drugs (J-hope in I need u/Mama/BST jp ver)

-When fainting (I Need U/ Save me: "save me before I fall" / Lie / Love yourself reel 3) Furthermore, it mentions drinking, smoking and stress can worsen the symptoms. In that sense, the ringing sound would represent a reminder of their "injuries and hardships" but since the sound clears out then they're "overcoming it" and Suga's rap right after matches really well with this interpretation. He goes: "No, not today, Today's too good to let it end"

So, back to my original reason for this post: the whistle in upcomming DNA. The teaser might've made it look to some that it might be unrelated to previous concepts. But personally I see a storyline progress throughout all of BTS concepts, it's just that they're just not necessarily in order and because they tend to focus more on the feelings rather than the actual events that cause them, people tend to find it confusing because they concentrate more on trying to understand the order of events rather than the feelings that are being portrayed.

But getting back on topic, recapping: in I need U there was a "synthetic whistle" which symbolized "fake love /un mature birds". Fast forward to DNA, and this time the whistle might be a representation of "real love" hearing how it's a natural sound and also holding a more positive meaning compare to previous similar types of sounds. And if we take into consideration the song title, the song could be about how "this love" defines each of them their uniqueness and/or how it's intrinsically part of them that they cannot change, in other words "unconditional".

Or I could be totally wrong and it's really just about Daegu's New Agust d (DNA) lamb skewers shop opening while Hobbie Eats Ramyeon(HER).

No, but seriously no matter whatever it turns out to be I can't wait for it. Anyway, this has been a long post of many ideas I've had for a while. Take note I don't have any formal knowledge in music nor a great hearing, so all this rambling is very subjective. So the way I described the sounds might be totally different for you, and they're not necessarily and most likely not deliberately produced that way by BTS and BigHit for the reasons stated above. So yeah, don't take it too seriously either. For me interpretations/theories are fun not because of deciphering out every single thing of what's happening and what the creator's view was but figuring out what it represents to myself.

Quick edit:

Did you all listen to the second teaser? There's that same growing siren from BST and some high fashion/classy vibes soundwise. There's some beeping sounds resembling HYYH era (check RUN and Dead Leaves for instance) and the experimental sounds in BEGIN. Visually too it looks very clean with backgrounds aesthetics similar to the wings short films. Well that's it for now, gotta get back to work.

[chrispetescia]

My 2016 in review ... Part 1 of 2

Even after seven years of this (read: 2015 part 1 & part 2, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010, 2009), it’s actually a bit daunting to do one for 2016. I definitely procrastinated this year, partly because I am not sure how to articulate some of what I feel. I think the state of the world outside of what I can control ... from newly elected leadership at home to global humanitarian plights and environmental concerns ... has me feeling burdened by a mood of something looming and impending, dark but just in my peripheral vision for now. But, since I can’t quite speak to that yet, and let’s hope I never have to, this is a look back at some of my favorite things in the life bubble where my focus is 99% of the time anyway.

A few thoughts.

This year felt like a lot shifted in my lifestyle. I was fairly healthy, physically speaking (especially compared to events in previous years you can read about in older posts), largely thanks to my trainer who I see 3-days a week. But, I traveled more for work than ever before, saw my family less than ever before, and things were vastly differently than prior years. Looking back through a year of posts, photos, etc ... and, there are a lot, although to be honest, most photos are for myself and family to enjoy, so sorry / not sorry ... I just enjoy documenting it, because I appreciate it all. For me it is about living the life I want to live, that fulfills my drive, and it has always been. I do what I love because I love it, and because it enables the things I want in life across the board. 

I want Carrot to be the best place, where anyone talented can continue to develop and grow those talents, and in turn teach their fellow Carrots. I want to make sure everyone there feels inspired, respected, safe, and loves the specialness of what we have built. I want to adventure with my brother in arms and life, Mike Germano, for the sake of the journey and not any particular destination. I want to dress up as Star Wars characters (screen accuracy matters ;) and own ridiculous pieces of that Galaxy that inspires wonder in me, still. I want to be an Annual Passholder at Disney. I want to be a hero to my little girl, and exceed my wife’s expectations of me. And so these are the sorts of things I do, because they’re the purpose of it all - for me. I work to obtain and maintain against it... Career and life are not really separate. There is no “off,” and never has been. They’re all part of the “why” I do anything. Self-awareness is important, and I am grateful for my own because I suspect it’s not a universal trait. Life doesn’t compartmentalize in anyone’s reality, and so I don’t pretend mine does.

None of this is an accident, or even remotely easy. The “how” is the stuff that is hard to capture and share in an instagram photo: the many hours of work and meetings and meetings and work, the gold travel status by sheer volume of miles on two separate airlines, and all the many, many moments I miss by being away... this is what the majority of my time, energy and heart go to. My family gets maybe 20-25% of my attention and mental focus, broadly speaking, and hardly ever during the week. And so, I tend to celebrate the great things I am there for and can capture in a photo. It’s what I scroll through when I am away and need a quick smile and reminder. I want to be more present for them - mentally as well as physically - and if there is a daunting resolution for 2017, it’s that. It won’t be easy because I am wired for the broader consideration of Carrot and the 170-or-so people who have chosen to spend their valuable time, energy and creativity there. That love and responsibility existed first and so the two compete inside me. The one I see the most tends to win-out. Life is fleeting, so I want to work on my internal discipline and be present... when I am with my family, I need to be with them give them the most of me I can.

Below is a highlights reel of notes (photo and video linked) about 2016, beginning with Carrot and ending with life outside it (don’t worry- plenty of Olivia). The company is way, way too big and busy to even remotely cover adequately and without insulting any of our talented people whose efforts I don’t note specifically. So, this is just some of my favorite memories from the year and barely a small fraction of it all. Our 2016 work reel nods to more than I can in this post, and not even enough then - but, I am incredibly proud of all of it, particularly because so many others had everything to do with it, often entirely independent of me.

2016 Professional

The year started off with a marathon 5-days at CES in Las Vegas for tech immersion and meetings. It was great to spend some time with Robin Trani, who was also out there! Demoing Tilt Brush and other VR games from Steam/ HTC Vive with her and Bruno was particularly memorable. The very occasional sleep (alright, unconsciousness) was in a nice room with a view, but by the time I left and landed at my hotel in LA, I NEEDED a drink ... which was a bit alarming. I think three days in Vegas is a healthy limit, for general reference. My first time in Venice Beach, I finally got out to see our newly-opened LA office. It was the first of many visits in 2016 (and the start of my avocado toast obsession), and fondly reminded me of our earlier days of Carrot: the excitement, energy, and possibility of everyone working hard in line-of-sight (but with the upside of financial backing and nice amenities ;). We spent a Sunday afternoon at Disneyland - my first time there! - as a Carrot family, full of thrills and fun. We also met with and befriended the amazingly talented Blur Studios, and I was invited to dress fancy and attend co-founder and Deadpool Director Tim Miller’s premiere of the film! Len from Carrot LA and my good friend Ashley joined. In the spirit of premieres, Ashley generously invited me and the whole Carrot LA staff to the premiere with Q&A of Studio Ghibli’s Only Yesterday, newly dubbed in English and including the voice talent of Daisy Ridley and, of course, Ashley herself!

Continuing the momentum of cool things, I was back out West for one of the most special experiences of my life. Carrot is our vessel for dreams, and I sailed through a few checkboxes in one trip. It began with our client ANA’s new BB-8 plane, landing at LAX from its inaugural flight. Jasmine was kind enough to insist I sub-in for a Carrot rep out there, and I GOT TO MEET BB-8 (flown in from the London set of Episode 8)! The next day I was in San Francisco to visit Lucasfilm. Ahead of meetings, I got to join Ashley’s family on a special tour through halls of props, production and a lot I wasn’t allowed to photograph. At the end of the day, we were even treated to a special, early screening of Star Wars Rebels’ Season 2 finale with Director Dave Filoni and crew! The next day I drove across the bridge to Marin, and Skywalker Ranch. This is on every true fan’s dream checklist, and meetings with the George Lucas Education Foundation regarding their 25th anniversary earned me a coveted invite. After the meeting, I headed over to the insanely private guest houses to meet up with Ashley and her wonderful family again, who had been invited to stay, coincidentally. The ranch is truly one of the most beautiful and profoundly peaceful places I have ever been, and guests are essentially Star Wars royalty or celebrities recording at Skywalker Sound (on premises) or VIPs doing business with George. After walking the grounds (and seeing some Endor re-shoot spots), buying some keycard access-only swag at the Ranch Store (this stuff will be buried with me - you can’t even find any of it on ebay, as that would be insulting to George), we enjoyed a nice dinner in the common area building. We prepared the food alongside Jodie Foster and her partner (who I didn’t initially recognize) and two chefs who they brought up from SF, in a giant kitchen. You can request food from the ranch gardens and farm, all of which is picked fresh daily. I wasn’t allowed to take photos, but while walking around the property my finger did slip a few times (and we know iPhones have a mind of their own). All three days of this insane experience are surmised in photos here.

Speaking of Ashley Eckstein, who I am so honored to count as a close friend ... I am beyond proud and impressed with her as an entrepreneur and business woman, talented actress and performer. After 6.5 years of hard work, her company, Her Universe, sold to Hot Topic this fall and they just recently began the next phase of their growth and adventure. Congrats to Ashley, David and the team who are already working to expand and conquer a space they created: fashionable, empowering apparel for female fangirls. HU and HT have a history of successful collaboration. It’s exciting to look forward to more now, especially with licenses ranging from Star Wars, Star Trek, Marvel and Disney Parks (and plenty more). The apparel is fantastically designed, and it makes the male fanbase envious (myself included ... although I do have some apparel I wear anyway). Their fashion show at SDCC this year was unprecedented and they even had a digital docu-series produced for it (Carrot worked on some screen graphics)!  Additionally, I have high hopes for continued success and the growth of Her Universe press :)

Another incredible experience this year was my time working with Disney Parks. There is surely more ahead for us in 2017, but it began extremely uniquely. After meeting with a VP-level scouting team from their creative group, Yellow Shoes, in the Spring of 2016, Duncan Wardle (A brilliant, 29-year veteran) asked me to breakfast in NYC. By the end of our chat, I learned that we had excited them so much with our passion for the Disney brand and our knowledge of the digital and social content and tech space, that we were being invited to participate in their proprietary creative process for 2017 planning. Myself and an appropriate second party (we selected Asif Khan, who headed our Strategy team) would be part of a braintrust to do several weeks of deep strategy and creative work in Orlando. I cannot disclose more than that, but I am sure they won’t mind me speaking about my awe. A Disney fanboy, I was essentially being asked to live, eat, and breathe Walt Disney World for several weeks. Work and Think Disney all day in sessions, experience the magic of WDW after hours. Aside from obvious reasons, this was incredibly fulfilling because I got to think for Disney ... one challenge, intensely ... rather than a myriad of dozens of things at once. The focus of it was completely refreshing and something I didn’t realize I desperately needed, a healthy departure from (and light neglect of) the many, many things I usually touch and shift between mentally on any given day. We did some fantastic work with great collaboration between complimentary expertise, and developed some incredible relationships. We truly felt like partners in the process. A special thank you is beyond necessary to Chris Chapman for everything during those sessions, and since. I can’t talk about the work, but I can talk about everything beyond. The first two weeks we stayed at Animal Kingdom Lodge and enjoyed a Savannah view. There is a special sort of magic in taking conference calls and working from your room’s deck while a grazing giraffe watches you. If you got sick of that, there was always the stunning lobby to catch up on email before dinner at the Parks. Week three was at Disney’s Grand Floridian, which is stunningly beautiful and I am probably not fancy enough for it - I did get the best sleep I have had in years there though, and ended up buying one of the pillows they use in the rooms, for home. Week four was at Disney’s Boardwalk, whose vibe was just really cool. Modeled after turn-of-the-century Atlantic City, it was beautiful and incredibly placed in walking distance between Hollywood Studios and Epcot. Chris Mercaldo was generous enough to guide us through the Parks, after hours, on several occasions, with seemingly infinite knowledge and factoids, and enabled many firsts for me (Tower of Terror and Everest among them). I returned for a new project in October (with a fresh Carrot crew), for a shorter session and stay, and once again enjoyed the Grand Floridian. We also had plenty of meetings out west in the Burbank offices for Digital and Creative. All said and done, and including a vacation in October and a remote-work/vacation the week before Christmas, I spent something like 7-8 weeks living at WDW. From food to technology, it is truly a place of wonder, and the “Frontline Cast” (guest-facing staff) is incredibly proud of their work and eager to assist, and ensure you have a magical day. Carrot <3 Disney.

Some other great memories this year include continued work with The Yankees and seeing thousands of our ticket designs in the hands of fans throughout the season. We enjoyed our company season tickets and a special suite for their Star Wars Day! Speaking of Star Wars Day, May the 4th at Carrot is a special day and this year’s festivities included fantastic decor and arrangements by Brittany and her office team. We even made a special BB-8 cocktail, tweaked and approved by expert and friend BT Parsons. BT was also kind enough to do an Amaro tasting this fall at Carrot, in honor of his new book. 2016 also saw Carrot’s 11th Founder’s Day and 11th Birthday. We were at RIT’s New Media Industry day, recruiting for our 8th year straight, and I was asked to be on both an Alumni Board and Applied Critical Thinking board - incredible honors - which will begin duties early in 2017. Carrot Halloween was a blast as usual and probably the best annual party at Carrot, IMO, while Carrotsgiving is always just a warm and happy event: everyone comes together, brings something to share, and we celebrate an appreciation for what we have and have built together. This years was our last in the office at 45 Main st so it felt a little extra special. We also named Kurt as our Carrot cup winner, as voted by previous winners, and it was entirely deserved! 

A big one, literally:  we signed a lease for a brand new office in the spring, and broke ground this fall. Lots of hard work from all, with daily management by Kyle and planning by Brittany and Carlos will have us in there shortly. This is the space we dreamed of for our office - literally this exact space - when we first came to Brooklyn. It’s beautiful and exciting and represents the company we now are. It’s also extremely exciting because we will be sharing it with VICE’s content agency, Virtue, and working to fully capitalize on our collaboration. The potential of Carrot + VICE has been only lightly tapped since the acquisition, so I am genuinely anticipating what working side by side with them will enable us both to do :) We are entering the next phase of the company, an evolution that we tend to go through every year or so, and this one is profoundly at a new level of potential. 2017 is going to be a fun year - with high expectations - for Carrot :)

In terms of external investments, there are a few I will talk more about in a 2017 recap (hopefully) ... but we have some great stuff in the works for Fornino and it’s still as delicious as ever. We also invested in a new company: Cora. Their mission and leadership and product are fantastic. Our friends at Robin are still killing it and we couldn’t be prouder.

Continued in Part 2 of 2 ...

[anneedmonsonus]

We Won a Cubbyhouse!

Pass me that mother of the year baton, guys. I don’t get to have it too often, but I totally deserve to hold it for a good minute or two. I won a cubbyhouse! I won it late last year through an Instagram competition held by a local Perth cubbyhouse company called Kidzshack. To enter, you had to describe how you would decorate your cubbyhouse if you won, and I said I would paint it black and white like our house and put succulents in a windowbox. You could have knocked me over with a paintbrush when I found out I had won.

And what a cubby it turned out to be. The kids LOVE it. It totally brought this unused corner of our garden to life. I want to blog about it because I feel so grateful for it. Thank you, Kidzshack. I got so many ‘cool mum’ points for this one, and it’s way healthier than suggesting we have pancakes for dinner again.

I could not WAIT for Little Nerd to finish kindy that day so I could tell him and Miss Nerd the big news. It was cute. I took a little video of his reaction (if you’re on Instagram you can see it in my Highlights reel under ‘Cubbyhouse’) even Miss Nerd seemed into it. Of course, because I’m nice that way, I told Little Nerd he won it but really we all know it was me.

For about three weeks Little Nerd spoke of pretty much nothing else. He asked me to tell ‘the story’ about the cubbyhouse competition over and over. AND I WAS PLEASED TO ASSIST. I only realised his four year old brain might not entirely grasp the idea of an Instagram competition until one day in the car when he asked me to retell him the story for like the 84th time. I was like, “Well, I entered your name into a competition to win a cubbyhouse, and the people picked your name as the winner.”

“Yep, and those people thought my name was great and they said, ‘That is the best name’ so it won.” Yeeeeah… so that’s not how competitions work but you’re four so ok.

I was probably as excited as he was; I knew they had had a TON of entries and I couldn’t believe we had won. We were all so damn excited – me, Mr Nerd, my sisters, my mum – I cannot lie, we all spent a good hour or so online that afternoon, looking at the Kidzshack website and having a lengthy adult debate on the merits of each individual cubbyhouse (“Well this one comes with an alfresco kitchen, if you want to work on your mud pies”) and trying to choose. The prize was for a Funshack, but the lovely people at Kidzshack said I could pick any design I liked if something else worked better for our garden.

We ended up choosing the Funshack anyway, as it had a sandpit underneath, two ladders to climb up and a slide.

BEFORE. A cubbyhouse is way better than a ‘potato patch’ without any potatoes.

BEFORE

NOW

  (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Well this is my blog and I can post whatever photos I like.

Beyond excited about her No Boys Allowed future clubhouse.

What sort of family doesn’t clear away all the branches first THEN do the cubby and do things in logical order? A family like ours.

There is just something about the idea of a cubbyhouse or a treehouse, isn’t there? Even if you’re an adult. We were all excited. Mr Nerd couldn’t wait to build it with the kids; I couldn’t wait to hang cute crap on it. It brought back all those childhood memories for me and my sisters of pretending our garden shed was a secret clubhouse, and putting up signs saying NO BOYS ALLOWED a la Berenstain Bears.

We told Little Nerd all about things like tin cup phones on strings and pulley systems and Harriet the Spy and every night before bed he asked to hear a story about a kid (always himself) and a cubbyhouse. Even Miss Nerd got swept along in the excitement.

The kids got a huge kick out of their letterbox. It’s from Kmart and it’s like $20.

I have to confess as the cubbyhouse was going up, I did entertain fantasies of it one day becoming my writer’s shed. I’ve always harboured romantic fantasies of writing from a small, quiet shed in the garden, a la Roald Dahl or Virginia Woolf. Mr Nerd laughed so hard when I told him this he nearly fell over. Idiot. “You can barely stand up in it!” “Well you don’t need to stand up to write, you just need to sit down.” Logic, people.

We put the cubby in an unused corner of our yard where we had our old, unused potato patch. Because you need ventilation and sun around the cubby (so it doesn’t get mouldy) we had to cut back our trees and our hibiscus hedge. Quite a lot. Our poor rear neighbours. They seemed a bit aghast for a while, and I’m sure the bloodcurdling screams of kids playing pirates as they sat having a beer on their back patio didn’t help. Don’t feel too bad for them though, it’s all grown back nice and leafy by now, so they have privacy again. (Hibiscus can take a good hard pruning, so if yours is looking leggy, go for it).

The cubbyhouse wasn’t too hard to put together – I say that, even though I didn’t help one bit. So many people have gone to me, “You should do more DIY posts!” and I’m like yaaaaah I’m really not very practical. Once I was really proud of myself for putting together a simple shoe rack, then once I finished, I stepped back to admire my handiwork and realised I had actually managed to put it together so it was actually twisted, like a DNA helix.

Impractical though I may be, I feel like I’m a pretty amazing painter by now. (I’m always grumbling about how my father-in-law and I painted the exterior of my entire house, in summer, while I was pregnant) and painting the cubby was a job and a half. Little Nerd was my assistant. Once that kid wants to do something, he wants to do it. He is stubborn as an ox (not sure where he got that from).

You have to paint the cubbyhouses to make them weatherproof – in hindsight we probably should have painted the roof and walls before putting it all together, but oh well, it’s done now, and I burnt a lot of calories.

Like our house, I used my favourite Monarch brushes (which are the best brushes in the world) and for paint I used Dulux Monument for the walls and Dulux Natural White for the trim. And a chalk paint from Jolie Home for the floor, which I couldn’t resist from giving it a worn-in sort of beachy look. You can do anything with chalk paint! (I actually want to stencil the floor later. I know. I’m a bit excited about getting to decorate a new project).

Little Nerd and I painted together through a spate of 40 degree days, sweating away in the cubbyhouse like it was our own personal sauna, but we did it and he was so proud of himself for helping and we had a lot of fun together.

Also, I realised that while my husband can build and make stuff, he is a horrific painter. Like, ridiculously bad. Yet he always gives me shit about it and says I’M a bad painter?

When we renovate we normally agree that he’ll build or fix something and I’ll paint it. So, he never paints. One evening he offered to take over the painting for me because I was tired. So I watched him paint first-hand, I watched him paint splodgily over my carefully cut-in white window trim with black paint and cheerful abandon.

“STOP! Just stop,” I screamed. “What are you DOING?” “Er, painting?” “Please. Look at what our FOUR-YEAR-OLD just painted. Now look at what you painted.” “What.” Little Nerd eyed the wall too. “That’s not good, Daddy,” he said dolefully. “He is FOUR and he paints better than you. Now I have to fix what you’ve just mucked up. I don’t want you to paint anything ever again.” “Ok,” said Mr Nerd happily, handing me the brush back and hopping off the ladder. I realised he actually seemed a little too happy about my harsh words and that made me wonder if maybe his craph painting was really just a ruse to get out of painting, you know? Sort of like how he accuses me of shrinking all his T-shirts on purpose so he no longer asks me to do his washing ever. (This is unfounded, by the way).

At every park, there’s always that one kid that’s licking the playground. Always.

Balcony vista. That barbecue is moved now, yay.

I know this is a post with a lot of kid spam and I apologise but I can’t even with this picture. Like, where is her neck?

Yeah just chilling in the cubby, pretending to read.

The kids play out there in the cubby EVERY day now, which is awesome. Basically every evening, we are there, hoping robbers don’t show up.

I’m going to wedge a little shelf into the hibiscus for holding beverages. I dropped my favourite chopping board the other day (you know you’re a real grown up when you have a favourite chopping board; I know you have one too) and it split into two. I was so annoyed until I realised the broken chopping board would actually be perfect as a little shelf stuck in the hibiscus, for my coffee or wine. I could saw a little notch in the side to hold my wine glass. ADULTING. Like a pro. (Or functional semi-alcoholic parenting? I don’t know. Both are ok).

It did cross our minds that one day the kids will be too old to play in the cubbyhouse (in the case that we don’t end up moving from this house for a while yet) but then we were like, “Well I suppose we can make it a chicken cage when that happens.”

But after spending like three days painting it, I changed my mind. I LOVE chickens. They were my childhood pets from when I was four til when I moved out of home, I had chooks that lived for 12+ years and that even did tricks, like dogs. And I miss having them and having fresh eggs all the time. But no chicken, no matter how cute (or how impressive her tricks are) will ever crap on my painstakingly painted cubbyhouse. We love it too much.

Secretly I still think it can become my writing shed instead then. I won’t even hear Mr Nerd laughing at me from the house.

Thank you Kidzshack for the best surprise ever, you made our year! Maya x

The post We Won a Cubbyhouse! appeared first on House Nerd.

from Home Improvement https://house-nerd.com/2020/02/07/we-won-a-cubbyhouse/

[jasonmcgathey]

DiMarco’s

Concerned the draft reserves in our keg might not hold through morning, we start marching, up Bethel and across a deserted bank parking lot to the nearby neighborhood watering hole, DiMarco’s. A divided, four lane concourse of revving engines and weekend mad revelers, strip mall facades on both sides lit up indexing, variously, every known shade of the rainbow, this stretch of Bethel still sizzles with a heat only unexplored turf can sustain. Not only this stretch but the wealth of Upper Arlington beyond where, having conquered campus in our peculiar slipshod way, which is to say incompletely, but the best we’re ever likely to, may very well stand my next great project. Cataloging this terrain, or any fraction of the buffer separating their world and ours, or another series of blocks entirely. We cavort in myriad clusters like zoo animals gone AWOL, and I’m suddenly reminded of those January nights scouting out High Street for the very first time. The feeling that anything can happen and you’re on the edge of some tremendous discovery, a sensation you can never explain, nor one you’re ever capable of replicating on command.

DiMarco’s is a simple dive bar with a pair of real dartboards along the back wall, one pool table near the front picture window and not much else. Booths around the rim, and wobbly mismatched tables in the middle, square and shoved together in blocks of two or three. Jukebox topheavy with 1980s hair metal the clientele has never stopped listening to, one large screen television between the pool table and the entrance. This place might not have much of that elusive element, class, but enough that nobody’s cracking someone else over the head with a pool cue. Everyone here’s a friend, including the squat blonde middle aged barmaid Jan, quick to smile, her slightly pudgy right hand man Zerby, wiry black curls distributed sparsely across his prematurely balding pate, large black eyeglasses lending him the appearance of an owl. They are always here, I’m told. A schedule as religious as the price slashes they apply each trip to the bar, just because we know Doug and the Yanik sisters.

DiMarco’s has at no point ever been my favorite bar in town, but I sure have spent a ton of time here, nonetheless. Enough friends who lived up this way did consider it their top spot, to where the rest of us wound up here constantly by default. There’s so many random memories swirling around my head about this place, as is often the case, that it’s difficult to determine what episodes or details to share.

I know I’ve spent at least two Halloweens here, in part, of which that photo up top documents one. This would be the year that a really sharp looking brunette flashed her tits at the entire room, and Miles – though dressed like a doctor – raised both of his arms like a football referee and announced, “that’s a field goal!” This makes the highlight reel, to be sure, and is also a great example of the classic Miles comment, memorable despite or because of not making 100% perfect sense…even though you basically know what he means anyway. Otherwise, on this particular outing, I’m going with the self-explanatory bathrobe and pipe look, while Lisa, though she’s removed it by this point, had earlier adopted some sort of slutty kitten mask.

As far as other memories are concerned…Roy, Doug Fogle and I once caught a ride here in a pizza delivery girl’s pickup, in an absolute downpour. A bunch of us had been at Polo’s and virtually everyone else in our crew already left on foot for DiMarco’s. By virtue of hanging around just a smidgen two long, the three of us are caught up in this rain, though we don’t know it until stepping out the front door.

“Hey,” Roy says, spotting a pizza joint next door, “let’s wait in there until this lets up.” 

We walk over and begin rattling the locked glass door. The lights are still on, there are two girls working behind the counter, and an Asian couple is milling around in the lobby. So what gives? Finally, the Asian lady strides over and unlocks the door, to the visible consternation of both employees. 

“We’re closed,” one of the girls calls out as our motley trio staggers in. Apparently, the two ladies were making up one last order for this couple, and that was to be the end of their night.  

“Here,” the other, nicer girl offers, a modest looking brown haired chick, “we’ve got two whole pizzas left over – you guys can have them.”  

We thank her in an appropriately profuse fashion, and Roy hands a pie each to Fogle and me. Then he lays three dollar bills on the counter before we leave just as abruptly as we came, and in no better shape. The rain hasn’t abated any yet here the three of us are standing beneath the same awning, except encumbered now with the additional weight of two pizzas.  

The nice girl bursts through the glass door, jogging to a nearby truck, expertly toting a piping hot pizza bag in one hand which bears the well known company logo. One last delivery, it seems, before her night is through, before she can wash her hands of fools like us – that is, until her next shift in hell comes calling. 

“Hey, can you give us a ride up to DiMarco’s?” Roy shouts across the parking lot, long after she’s passed us. She’s standing beside her truck now, fishing for keys, and offers no immediate reaction to the question, or whether she’s even heard it. 

“I’m not supposed to,” she shouts back to us, “but okay. Come on!” 

Sprinting over to join this chick before she changes her mind, Roy jumps into the shotgun seat while Fogle and I are left sitting like a pair of rain drenched idiots in the bed. She tears out of the parking lot and only then do I realize we’re still holding the pizzas, also, too moronic to keep them inside the truck with Roy. Still, weighing the pros and cons of this arrangement stacks up well for us, better than walking, and the cardboard boxes somehow fare better in the rain than we do.  

Two minutes later, we arrive at DiMarco’s. Roy and Fogle sprint inside, while I stop to have a few kind words with our driver. Inviting her to either come in for a drink or else swing by Doug’s apartment later, though she laughs off each suggestion before driving away. I have no choice but to join the others, now, and meet them inside. 

II.

I happen to remember the night Damon first met the Yanik sisters, too, for whatever reason, even though nothing about it is all that remarkable. I think this is because we’d been in town for almost a year, and Alan and I both had already enjoyed some scattered bedroom adventures with Lisa, not to mention partied with these people an unholy amount for months on end. Yet here our third roommate had somehow not even made their acquaintance, not only the sisters but this entire crew.

Then again, our lives are often more compartmentalized than we think. Coworkers we’ve worked beside for years upon years, though they’ve never met our families, to give one example. Or, like how this particular gang never really ventured down to campus or Grandview much, just as my campus and Grandview friends were almost never up here.

Bored on some random winter weeknight, I decide to call them up, having not seen these folks for a number of weeks myself. Since Doug moved away and I left Kroger, that outrageous era had ended and I hadn’t been on this northwest end of town much. Learning now that a bunch of them are heading to DiMarco’s, Damon and I decide to ride up there ourselves.

Their younger brother Tommy now occupies Doug’s old couch, and Dane, who’s gotten into one bad situation after another over the course of a few weeks, has wound up getting fired from his most recent job, at a department store, for not showing up and dicking around when he did make it in. Then he busts out the windshield of Maria’s car during a nasty fight, and Mike Nelson drops him to the ground with a haymaker and he’s kicked out of their pad as well, exiled from the charmed circle of friends.  

I introduce Damon to everyone – seated at one table in the dimly lit other half of DiMarco’s, the half away from the bar, is the cool but somewhat spacey Charlie, a part-time drummer, his stringy black musician’s hair now almost as long as Damon’s; the ever talkative and impossibly busty redhead, Jen McBride; Lisa with her admittedly comparable breasts, dark blonde locks currently worn straight and halfway down her back; and her sister Maria, a brunette, whom we are fortunate to catch in a really vocal mood this time around. The two of us squeeze in beside them and brace ourselves for this conversation. 

Junior, Tommy, and their preppy jock friend Cooper, who I remember from one other party back in the spring, are playing pool nearby, while the girls relate to us the latest adventures and trending gossip concerning everyone else. Meanwhile, Damon sits looking bored and sipping on a beer, or else trying to strike up a conversation with Lisa and Jen, even though they didn’t know what to make of this longhair character in horn rims. 

Although, it is possible he’s having a better time than it appears. “I knew I’d be in trouble meeting these fat girls with pretty faces,” he whispers to me at one point, after downing a couple brews. Even if Lisa’s ruining the good cheer by bitching incessantly about her roommates. Finally, the clock reaches two thirty and house lights are coming on, as we pay the ever present bartending duo and head for the doors.

“Jesus Christ, Dude!” Damon exclaims with a sigh as we steps outside, “they seem like nice girls and all, but man, that one was getting on my nerves.”

“She’s usually not that bad,” I explain, which is true.

“And what about that other one, the redhead, what was her name, Lisa?” 

“No, Lisa was the blonde,” I correct.

“Well, whatever, she was the one sitting on the outside, right? I couldn’t believe she was bitching about everyone not cleaning their rooms! Maaaaaaan, I’d tell that bitch to fuck off!“

“Well, they’re usually not that bad,” I tell him, “especially after you get a couple beers in them. They throw good parties though, and they do have some nice looking friends.” 

III.

They used to keep decks of cards behind the bar here and DiMarco’s, and possibly still do, as we’ve played many a game of euchre here. There was a long running tradition, and may still be, of pool tournaments played blatantly for cash in this bar, and nobody batted an eyelash. Then again, I don’t remember ever seeing law enforcement around these parts, and the help situation was always remarkably consistent, with Jan and Zerby here just about every night. So you weren’t going to catch any heat from them, either.

That TouchTunes jukebox at the very least had an REO Speedwagon album on it. This I know because Lisa, who I constantly berated for her somewhat horrible tastes in music, was particularly fond of that one, would play it here often. At some point along the line, though sleeping together off and on for about a decade, we did try actually dating for approximately an eight month stretch there in the middle. One night she was at this juke and that infernal Speedwagon disc was blasting Time For Me To Fly, while Lisa and Jen F stood there still picking out further tunes, and Jen told her, speaking of me, “Lisa, this song is for you. It’s time for you to fly.”

Despite this period (or maybe because of it, as the more Lisa would yell at me, the more inclined I was to laugh in her face), I always was and continue to be thought of as somewhat of a zany, hopeless goofball with this crew. It’s funny how you get off on a certain foot with various scenes, be it socially, or with work, or with family, and nothing much can ever really change this. You begin to realize it’s a combination of elements contributing to this phenomenon: a little bit of people only seeing what they expect to see, a little bit maybe of you falling into your familiar role with each circle, but then also, I half suspect sometimes, it almost seems like life is throwing events in everyone’s lap to bolster these impressions. Even one night here in DiMarco’s where Lisa’s been screaming again and Tommy’s threatening me with, “don’t do anything stupid!” won’t change the dynamic, is pretty much forgotten about five minutes later.

“She doesn’t listen to anything, dude,” I tell him.

“It’s my fuckin sister – you think I don’t know that?” he retorts.

Perhaps riding around with pizzas in the rain isn’t the best idea, if you���re trying to dispel some image. Even so, in the late 90s I was dating this perfectly fine looking brunette named Stacy, however briefly. I’m pretty sure that the first time I ever came out with her around this group, we were at DiMarco’s. At any rate, it was one of the few occasions I was ever with her, around this bunch. We’ve been here a while and she says something about wanting to dip over to Polo’s. So the two of us say goodbye to everyone, climb in my car and drive over there. Stacy and I sit at the bar and order one beer…and then she completely disappears. She saw somebody she knew across the bar and was going over to say a quick hello, and this was the last I saw of her that night.

I was more than a little embarrassed at the time about my pathetic glasses, thus would never wear them. So my eyesight wasn’t the greatest to begin with. Nonetheless, I did sit there for quite a while, nursing my beer, and even made a cursory lap or two of the place. May have possibly ordered a second brew, even. In this pre-cell-phone era, this basically represented the extent of your options. Therefore, despite not exactly rushing into this decision, I eventually shrugged it off, hopped back in my car…and returned to DiMarco’s alone.

“Where’s Stacy?” everyone asks, baffled by this turn of events.

“I have no idea,” I tell them.

Of course the entire mob – which, now that I think about it, was fanned around one of those larger central tables, itself a rarity, instead of spread like normal all over the bar – is howling, clapping their hands together, pretty much on the verge of spewing beer out through their noses. I was unwittingly playing the same old part as always. I guess it’s somewhat amazing that Stacy and I actually went out some more after this. But I never quite lived this one down. Nor did I ever bring her to DiMarco’s again.

IV.

Though pretty much everyone else has moved on, we do still swing by here from time to time, of course. It was here one night that it became obvious Damon was really hitting it off with this Maryland chick, who worked with Tommy, and the two of them soon turned into a serious couple. At some point, a window was installed connecting DiMarco’s with the Ange’s Pizza next door, and there became even less of a need to leave your barstool than before. Fluke reunions across the years have almost always meant a pit stop in this place is required, if it involves any of this old gang. Like for instance, the last I’ve seen of such disparate characters as Miles or Jen McBride, these occasions have transpired right here. I seem to remember hearing something about Jan and Zerby buying the place, even, though I’ll have to research that – but either way, I like to think that the two of them are still behind the bar, every night, just like always.

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The Ben Simmons vs. Donovan Mitchell Debate Is Interesting, but Ultimately Pointless

If I had to go out on a limb, I’d say that Ben Simmons is the Rookie of the Year front-runner in Philadelphia while Salt Lake City is leaning toward Donovan Mitchell.

Both fan bases seem totally baffled by the idea that their opinions could ever be disputed, but I think we know that Sixer fans didn’t watch many Jazz games and Jazz fans, like Mitt Romney, probably didn’t watch a lot of Sixer games.

So we could defer to the opinions of national people, but how much attention do you think a guy like Reggie Miller or Kevin McHale really paid to both players over the course of a full season?

This whole thing is ultimately a wash, in my mind, because Ben Simmons and Donovan Mitchell are COMPLETELY DIFFERENT players. Simmons is a 6’10” converted point guard with a pass-first mentality who plays in an up-tempo and mobile system. Mitchell is a stone cold killer, the leading scorer on a top-five Western Conference playoff team.

That’s why the raw statistics are ultimately useless when you add a bit of context, but we’re gonna go down that rabbit hole anyway for the sake of the article, so here’s how these guys stack up against each other:

The nice thing about Simmons and Mitchell is that they both averaged very similar minutes this season – 33.4 per game for Mitchell and 33.7 for Simmons. Per-game numbers are going to look almost exactly the same as per-36 extrapolations.

Ben is obviously averaging more rebounds and more assists and shoots at a higher percentage because he rarely tries anything outside of the paint. Mitchell was a 43.7% shooter in the regular season and hit at 34% from three, averaging 10.2 two-point attempts per game and 7 from deep. Simmons didn’t shoot three pointers and his free-throw percentage was very poor compared to Mitchell’s. As a primary ball handler, Ben turned the ball over more frequently, but his assist-to-turnover ratio was, obviously, significantly higher.

On the other end, Simmons averaged more blocks and steals and finished with a 102 defensive rating. Mitchell logged a 105. Ben’s offensive rating was also better, with a 111 compared to Mitchell’s 103.

A big reason for that discrepancy is because Mitchell just requires more shots to hit his averages. He needed 17.2 average field goal attempts and 3.8 free throw attempts to average 20.5 points. Simmons needed 12.3 field goal tries and 2.4 foul shots to average 15.8 points, and that was without even trying three pointers. So even though Mitchell is more of a pure scorer, his efficiency is lacking, which is why the advanced stats like true shooting percentage, effective field goal percentage, and player efficiency rating all favor Simmons:

Among qualified shooting guards, Mitchell only had the 17th-best field goal percentage, finishing below guys like Buddy Hield, Courtney Lee, and Evan Fournier.

For comparison, look at a guy like Klay Thompson, who played 0.9 more minutes than Mitchell, shot the same amount of three pointers, and averaged almost the same exact point total, but did it with one less field goal attempt and 2.5 fewer free throws per game:

There was a little bit of Allen Iverson to Mitchell’s situation, where Utah was fine with him putting up 17+ shots per game. He had a 29% usage rate on that team, which is wild for a rookie. Simmons was a facilitator and involved a lot of his teammates while Utah needed Mitchell to be the primary scorer. Even though Simmons always had the ball in his hands, he wasn’t asked to carry the late-game scoring burden in the same way Mitchell was.

That sort of leads us into the whole issue of who played on the better team. Was one guy surrounded by better players?

I don’t think so.

Utah was missing Rudy Gobert early, struggled for a bit, then Mitchell found his feet and they went on a tear, putting together win streaks of 11 and 9 to finish 48-34 in what was probably the tougher conference. Philly similarly struggled out of the gates, going 14-18 through the hardest part of their schedule, then transformed into a different team after the All-Star break and finished by winning 16 in a row.

In a vacuum, both teams have elite defensive anchors in Gobert and Joel Embiid, both of whom are top-ten NBA centers. Gobert doesn’t have Embiid’s offensive chops, but he finished the season strong and is now averaging a playoff double-double. Both teams played chunks of the season without their big men, and both Mitchell and Simmons continued to perform at a high level without those guys on the floor.

Ricky Rubio isn’t an elite point guard and never has been. Joe Ingles can shoot the ball as a small forward. Dario Saric and Derrick Favors are different types of power forwards, so it’s hard to make a comparison there. I think you’d look at both squads and see that the biggest takeaway is that they were exceptional defensively, finishing #2 and #3 in DEFRTG after 82 regular season games. The Sixers liked to sling the ball around and play fast while Utah had the 25th lowest PACE in the league, so the style difference is apparent.

When you look at the talent on each team, I guess you could say the Sixers are better, but Simmons is surrounded by guys with a lot less NBA experience than Mitchell. Saric, Embiid, and Robert Covington don’t have half as many games under their belts as Rubio, Gobert, Favors, or Jae Crowder. Philly’s veterans are JJ Redick and a pair of bench players who were added in February. To that point, I think you’d have to be impressed that Simmons is orchestrating an offense that features two second-year guys and a Process-era success story.

Ben certainly benefited from being able to dish off to a variety of high-level perimeter scorers, but it’s not like Utah is chopped liver; they’re a damn good squad. If either one of these guys did what they did on the Suns or Nets, then the “better team” angle might be legit, but I really do believe that both teams are pretty good and I don’t see too much to pull from this storyline.

Here are a couple of other narratives being tossed around relating to ROTY:

What is a rookie?

Of course you’ve heard this thing about Donovan Mitchell being a “true rookie” while Ben Simmons sat out injured last year. Some people slap Ben with the “redshirt” label and feel like he had an advantage this season because he was familiar with the NBA game and the NBA environment even though he didn’t actually play last year.

Here’s Mitchell’s take on the redshirt thing:

“So, let’s say you have an exam to take on June 1 and you have a whole year to study for that exam, you’re going to get a pretty good grade on it, aren’t you?” Mitchell said. “But some people may not have all that time to prepare for that exam. So, that’s how I look at it and I hope that puts it in perspective for people.”

Simmons has brushed that off in the past.

Brett Brown is on the record with this:

I don’t have too much to add beyond that. Blake Griffin won ROTY in this “redshirt” fashion, and I don’t recall a ton of bitching about that, although Twitter and social media were not as “robust” back then. There’s a portion of people out there who felt like Simmons could or should have played last year, but that the Sixers were being extra cautious and simply looking ahead to this season.

Simmons and Mitchell are both 21 years old and were born about 50 days apart. Both were in the same class coming out high school. Ben was injured last year while Mitchell played an extra season at Louisville. Who really has the advantage here? I could see that argument being made.

If you want to slap an asterisk on the ROTY entry on Wikipedia, I think that’s justified, but it doesn’t hold a lot of tangible weight, in my mind.

Triple-doubles and double-doubles don’t always tell the story

I see people roll out all these arbitrary stats, like “Ben Simmons is the first player to do blah blah blah since Oscar Robertson did blah blah blah back in 1961.”

I’m not a fan of that stuff because I can easily just find a bunch of parameters I like and keep tweaking them until it fits my narrative. I can say, “well Joel Embiid is the first non-American right-handed Sixer since Manute Bol to average 10 points, 3 rebounds, and 2 blocks while a Republican is in the Oval Office.”

Philly fans see those types of tweets and go crazy, like, “wow that’s an incredible piece of information,” when it’s really just fudging a bunch of criteria instead.

To that end, I think triple-doubles and double-doubles often lack nuance. For instance, Ben Simmons had 10 rebounds in game five against Miami. One was on the offensive glass and 9 were on the defensive end.

A portion of Ben’s rebounds are usually uncontested snags where he then quickly starts moving up the court, stuff like this:

There’s no statistical value in that.

That’s an uncontested defensive rebound with no opponent within 10 feet of Simmons, yet it counts just the same as a tough offensive rebound in traffic. This was one of 10 boards that got him over the hump for a double-double, and then you’ve got Sixer fans saying, “well Simmons is averaging a double-double when Mitchell doesn’t do anything besides shoot.”

It’s similar in the sense that…

…sometimes assists don’t check out, either

We’ve all seen a ton of amazing passes from Simmons this year. You could put together a 20-minute highlight reel of needle-threading if you really wanted to.

Sometimes he also gets the benefit of the doubt on his assist totals, when a guy takes a dribble or two and pulls up, or Simmons simply just dumps the ball off to a wing player for a catch and shoot:

Same thing there. The discrepancy is between some of the amazing passes he throws versus those gimmes is significant.

Take that play there and compare it to this:

My God, that Ben Simmons pass pic.twitter.com/QCMpMqv5Xc

— Good Takes NBA (@GoodTakesNBAPod) April 19, 2018

You see how one might carry more weight than the other, yea?

It does, of course, go both ways, and you can apply these same things to Mitchell, too. Difference is, we aren’t using rebounds and assists as main part of the argument as to why he’s a better player. There’s just a lot more nuance in Ben’s game, stuff that requires you to pay closer attention. It’s very easy for the casual NBA fan to say, “wow what an amazing three pointer in the 4th quarter!” versus watching how a rookie ball handler runs an offense or picks out passes or positions himself for offensive rebounds. Ben’s game has more layers to it.

As an exercise, say that each rebound, assist, and point counts for one “unit” of production in an NBA game. Considering what I wrote above, look at these three statistical lines:

30 points, 0 rebounds, 0 assists

20 points, 0 rebounds, 10 assists

10 points, 10 rebounds, 10 assists

Option three looks the most balanced, right? Even contributions across the board, yea? But what if 4 of those rebounds are uncontested on the defensive end? What if two of the assists are just dumping the ball off for a catch and shoot?

That’s why the raw numbers are weird, because you just can’t take rebounds and assists at face value. Raw point scoring is much less nuanced. It’s more about what I mentioned above, the efficiency with which a scorer reaches his totals. If a guy scores 10 of his 30 points from the foul line, of course that’s worth noting, but the ball is going in the basket either way. Rebounds, to me, have the least amount of importance in a Simmons/Mitchell argument. One guy is a point guard and the other is a shooting guard and they’re playing completely different roles for completely different teams.

Of course, the fact that Ben can rebound the way he does shows how much more well-rounded and expansive his game is, but it’s more of an eye test thing and less about just data mining for triple-double and double-double narratives.

Consistency

One area where I think Simmons has a clear advantage is that he was performing at a high level from day one. He started 81 games and really didn’t have many clunkers at all. The Memphis loss stands out to me (6, 3, 7, four turnovers and five fouls). His numbers dropped a bit in December when he went through a deferential month where he wasn’t putting up as many shot attempts as he did in the two months prior. Otherwise, he showed incredible regularity throughout the year.

Mitchell started the season on the bench but ended up finishing with 79 appearances and 71 starts. He was a little slow to begin and threw up some rough lines, notably a 3-21 effort at home against an Embiid-less Philly and a 4-17 shooting night in Milwaukee. However, six of his ten single-digit scoring outputs took place in October and November. He finished the regular season with 24 straight double-digit scoring games.

So they both were excellent for LARGE chunks of the season, certainly light years ahead of anything Malcolm Brogdon did last year. But if we’re paying close attention, Simmons technically did what he did from day one while Mitchell needed a little bit of time to get rolling.

The Verdict

There really is no verdict. You just have to decide which type of player has more value. Do you rate dagger-dropping two-guard as more valuable than a unique and well-rounded point guard?

I don’t know if there’s a right or wrong answer to that, but if you’re making me pick one guy over the other for an ultimately meaningless award, I’d probably have Simmons as 1A and Mitchell as 1B. I think Donovan Mitchell is a LOT better than most Sixers fans give him credit for, but I feel like there’s at least one Mitchell in every draft. I see a smooth scorer who is going to be a perennial All-Star for years to come. But when I look at Simmons, I see a freak athlete with a wildly unique skill set who reminds me of Magic Johnson. I see “eye test” type of stuff that makes me believe his ceiling is much higher than Mitchell’s ceiling. It’s not off-base to view Simmons a potential LeBron James type if he develops a jump shot.

That said, I don’t know what typical national media person thinks. I get the sense that there is a bit of an anti-Process crowd out there that might lean towards Mitchell out of spite, but I’m really not sure. That’s just a hunch. One thing that should help Simmons’ case is that Salt Lake City ain’t exactly a massive media market. If Donovan Mitchell played for the Knicks or Lakers, he’d be getting 10 times the coverage and plaudits he’s currently receiving.

At the end of the day, both of these guys are gonna be elite ballers for years. We’re talking about two different players in two different systems playing two different positions. One guy is asked to score and the other is asked to facilitate, and both are exceptional in their respective roles. If you wanna stand firmly on one side of the debate, knock yourself out, but it’s also acceptable to straddle the fence.

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