#B. Waving snail in Adventure time

[supratoyota-catboy]

Missing the bug race is the reason I have decided to retire from sleeping

there's only so much FOMO I can take

[chicoryglass]

genshin men at the beach!

characters: childe, itto + the arataki gang, thoma, xiao, zhongli

✦✦✦✦✦

childe

✦ this man wants to impress everyone, especially his siblings.

✦ lathered with sunscreen of the highest SPF he could find. he really hopes he didn't miss a spot.

✦ he takes to beach volleyball, definitely showing off and letting the competitive spirit get the better of him

✦ throws the ball up, runs up, jumps, BLASTS it his opponent's way. gets salty if they quit on him. (dude, no one wants to go to the ER over a beach ball 'accident')

✦ his demeanor changes dramatically if he's babysitting his younger siblings, though. becomes the coolest older brother – wanna gather crabs, or snails? he's already getting a bucket and scouring the beach for a perfect spot, playing it up for them like they're on a hunt. wanna build a sandcastle? he's helping them construct one that would put the best architect to shame.

arataki itto + the gang

✦ where do i even begin.

✦ itto's the one jacked guy wearing undies only, glistening with oil or sunscreen he made his gang apply onto him.

✦ does everything to impress his gang. constantly bothers shinobu, who's just trying to relax and sunbathe. she claims to not know any of them.

✦ at first he wants to surf, claiming that he's ridden waves at least three times larger than the ones he's about to.

✦ he does not, in fact, know how to surf.

✦ proceeds to make a fool of himself by spectacularly getting knocked off into the water, breaking one of the rentable surfboards in the process.

✦ doesn't want to tell shinobu, but to his demise, she's developed something of a sixth sense when it comes to the gang's troublemaking. and if she didn't, takuya or hanakado would inevitably tip her off.

✦ shinobu's wrath is inescapable. she pays for the broken surfboard out of her own pocket, seeing the gang's combined handful of mora on them. the gang is banned from surfing (or, rather, attempting to) until further notice.

✦ itto's plan B is to build sandcastles. a couple minutes later, he's challenged a group of kids to see who builds the best sandcastle. the arataki gang lost.

✦ in lieu of repaying the recent debt to shinobu, itto insists on earning some money on the beach.

✦ for a while, they set up fried lavender melon stands, courtesy of shinobu getting them a permit.

✦ archons forbid they somehow get their hands on a metal detector to try and sell some scrap. the beach becomes an excavation site, riddled with holes big enough to sit in. at least they're cleaning it up...?

thoma

✦ this man is too good for this world.

✦ probably checked if there's no crabs buried in the sand underneath the spot he picked, before settling down. if there are, he gently scoops them out and places them somewhere further away. manages to not get pinched like the chad he is.

✦ brought a picnic's worth of food, drinks and snacks to the beach.

✦ it is a picnic, actually.

✦ ayato didn't have the heart to tell him that this much food is unnecessary. thoma only just realized that, and laughed sheepishly.

✦ a solution presented itself when some kids caught a whiff of his amazing cooking and came by, asking if they could have some.

✦ he gladly shares with them, listening attentively as they tell him of their adventures on the beach, and all the cool things they found. he makes sure to pat each one on the head, praising them. in the end, this golden retriever of a man got adopted by a group of kids as their uncle lol

✦ cleans the beach as he goes, actually. notices how much trash there is, makes a mental note to himself to bring some proper equipment for it next time. thoma, please lie down, you're supposed to be relaxing :(((

xiao

✦ the actual cool guy itto and childe want to be.

✦ you know those mysterious, silent, brooding types of people, who capture your entire attention by just being there? yeah, that's him.

✦ he shows up at the beach with his surf board in hand, dressed in one those skin-tight black surf suits that cover his entire body nearly head to toe.

✦ turns a lot of people's heads, he's such a stark contrast to the casual, bright-colored aesthetic most beach-goers have.

✦ originally, he planned to surf in a different, much less populated spot - his go-to - yet sadly the waves were too small.

✦ lowkey annoyed at the large number of people on the beach, highkey annoyed at all the attention he's receiving.

✦ wastes no time getting into the water and onto an upcoming wave. he looks majestic, the way he's gliding through the waves. almost seems like he's flying.

✦ if he were to appear a couple more times, he'd definitely (to his dismay, should he learn about it) earn himself a corny-ass nickname from the regular beach-goers or stall owners, like "black angel" or "waveglider". and become somewhat of a local attraction, or a cryptid, even.

zhongli

✦ did... this man really bring a book to the beach? yes. yes he did.

✦ large straw hat, unbuttoned hawaiian shirt over a white tank top, shorts, and boom - you got yourself a grandpa Zhongli on the beach.

✦ he's also the type of person to wear flip flops to the beach.

✦ for a while he enjoyed the parasol's shade and the cool sea breeze, waves humming him to the state of drowsiness, despite the not-so occasional children's (and a particular oni's) excited yells.

✦ unfortunately, his would-be naptime was interrupted by a kid accidentally kicking a bunch of sand in his direction. at least it wasn't sea water :') with a deep sigh, he carefully shakes his book free of it, crosses his arms, and dozes off.

✦ takes long walks by the water, gathering pretty seashells, amber and seaglass. picks out pieces that remind him of his friends to give as gifts.

✦✦✦✦✦

[teacupfulofstarshine]

you're the pink in my cheeks (i'm a little bit soft)

summary: "and i know we'll never grow old together / cause you'll never grow old to me / you're the pink in my cheeks / and i love that it means i'm a little bit soft / you're the pink in my cheeks / and i love that it means i'm a little bit soft"

- "monster," marceline (adventure time)

(OR: 5.4k of soft domestic lesbian!analogical, featuring lesbian!moceit, trans male!remus, trans female!roman, and Gay Shenanigans)

a/n: huge thank you to dandie for beta'ing this fic!

i just wanted to write wlw is that so wrong of me? no. no it is not.

CW: alcohol mentions, a few sex jokes, swearing, one implied instance of potential sexual activity (although it doesn't go any farther than making out; if you want to skip that part, skip the section that starts with "Did you get the right kind of popcorn?")

word count: ~5.4k

read it on ao3!!

“I think I may be going insane,” Logan says, squinting at her laptop screen. Virginia, hanging upside-down in the armchair, looks up from her phone and blinks.

“And why is that?”

“Because I am starting to agree with Rosie’s anti-Florida agenda.”

“I didn’t realize that there was an anti-Florida agenda.”

“Rosie has one, and I have always thought it facetious. However, if this laboratory does not start sending me my requested samples and information in a timely manner, I will be forced to concede that Rosie may have . . . a point.”

“You, agreeing with a lit major? I never thought I’d see the day,” Virginia teases. Logan initially resists the urge to stick her tongue out or flip Virginia off, because that would be childish, but then she remembers that Virginia does not care about her childishness, so she sticks her tongue out. Virginia snorts with laughter, and Logan feels warm, fizzy pop-rocks bursting in her chest.

Her phone buzzes next to her, and she picks it up. There’s a new message blinking for her attention on the screen.

[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

a, b, or c

[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

. . . What?

[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

*rolls eyes*

[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

i need you to make a selection, logan. a, b, or c.

[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

I am confused. What am I selecting between?

[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy

[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

Yes. I would like to know. That is why I asked you.

[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

Also, I am not a meteorologist. Or a boy.

[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

it’s a meme, i’m sure v will be happy to show you the og. but first: make a choice

[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

Option B, I suppose?

[from: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

vodka it is!

[to: snesbian (snake lesbian)]

Wait, what?

Her phone buzzes again, another text thread lighting up, and Logan abandons the now-fruitless conversation with Jan to see that her wife has texted.

[from: soda poppy]

y is jan fillin a thermos with vodka and sayin u gave her the go ahead? >:(

[to: soda poppy]

I am unsure. She texted me asking me to make a choice between “a, b, and c” with no context given. When I eventually selected “b,” she excitedly mentioned vodka and logged off.

[from: soda poppy]

her an remy r going 2 a pta meeting tonight an i guess they’re goin drunk

[to: soda poppy]

Is that a . . . normal occurrence?

[from: soda poppy]

sadly yeah

[to: soda poppy]

Wait, is she even allowed to attend PTA meetings? You two don’t have any children?

[from: soda poppy]

she’s on the school board so she has the right 2 attend. idk if she’s supposed to or not but its never stopped her b4

“Everythin’ good over there?” Virginia asks.

“I believe I may have just enabled Jan to attend a PTA meeting drunk.” Virginia snorts, swiping at her phone.

“Good for her, honestly. The only reason she and Poppy live in that neighborhood is so that Jan can flaunt her wife in front of all the capital-s Straight people, because she’s a petty fuckin’ bitch.”

“That is a strange word choice for your best friend.”

“I hate Jan, she’s a bitch,” Virginia says, smirking fondly at her phone. Logan knows her girlfriend well enough to know that this statement is disingenuous, so she stands up, stretching her arms above her head, and leans down to drop a kiss onto Virginia’s forehead.

*~*~*~*~*

Logan blinks awake slowly, feeling for the position of her limbs. She’s on her left side, left arm tucked up under her pillow to cradle her head, wrapped in the thick comforter of their bed. Her right arm is slung across Virginia’s body, and her girlfriend is pressed up against her, head tucked right under Logan’s chin and face nestled into her neck and chest. Virginia breathes, slow and deep and even, and Logan hums, huffing out a soft exhale.

She carefully wiggles out of bed, tucking the comforter around Virginia’s curled-up form. Virginia grumbles when the cool morning air slips against her skin, because she is a foolish woman who insists upon sleeping in short shorts and a spaghetti-strap tank top no matter the current weather patterns. Logan wraps her up, making sure that she’s shifted into the middle of the warm divot of body heat, and Virginia settles in, asleep again in a heartbeat.

Logan turns to the corner chair, where her early-morning outfit is already laid out: athletic leggings, a sports bra, a moisture-wicking quarter zip jacket. She changes quietly, lights off, and tugs on a pair of ankle socks before slinking into the bathroom. Once the door is shut, she flicks on the soft lights over the vanity and carefully undoes her sleep braid. Normally, Virginia does Logan’s hair, because Logan is not good at dealing with her wavy, tangled, curly mess, but she won’t wake up her girlfriend for that. She can, at bare minimum, pull her hair up into a high ponytail for running purposes.

They live in a small town only a short walk (and even shorter bike ride) from the beach, full of little two-story brightly-colored beach cottages. Logan steps off her front porch, pulls out her phone, and quickly shoots a text.

[to: ginny <3]

I am headed to the beach for my weekly run. I will likely return before you wake up, but in case I do not: I will be back before 9 AM.

[to: ginny <3]

I love you <3

Logan kicks up the kickstand on her bike, runs her fingers over the glossy dark-blue paint flecked with white and silver and gold to mimic stars, and swings one leg over the bike seat. She carefully pedals out into the narrow road and heads for the beach. The cool early-morning air whips past her face, and she chances a glance up at the dark-blue-turning-light-blue-grey sky and smiles.

She’s always been an early-morning morning person, anyway.

*~*~*~*~*

Logan’s sneakers dig into the hard-packed wet sand along the water’s edge as she runs. Seagulls scatter in front of her, and the podcast Virginia recommended hums in her ear. The sun creeps up, up, up onto the horizon, coloring the blue-grey into streaks of brilliant pink and orange and gold, light reflecting off the water in resplendent diamond sparkles.

Logan runs half a mile down the beach, turns around, runs back to where she started and then runs half a mile in the other direction before turning around and running back to her starting point. By the time she’s bent over, hands on her knees, huffing out breath while her legs burn pleasantly, the sun has emerged fully from the ocean, and Logan is beginning to wish she had worn a visor.

She takes a moment to appreciate the sensory experiences of being on a nearly-abandoned beach: the scent of salt water, the sound of waves crashing against sand, the errant cries of gulls squabbling over fish. Their little beach is not nearly pristine enough for a tourist attraction, and too far north along the Atlantic coast to be warm year-round. Still, Logan loves it, and cannot imagine living anywhere else.

She hunts along the water’s edge as she walks, briefly, a cool-down before the bike ride home. She finds a few things worth photographing, a few crabs to shoo back into the ocean, and a few things worth gathering: an intact clam shell whose smooth curve runs unbroken from the heel of her palm to the tip of her index finger when she lays it flat in her hand, a light gray rock worn smooth by the waves that turns dark-gray-almost-black when wet, a small spiral shell that she thinks may have broken off of the top of a snail shell. Logan wraps all three things carefully in a small handkerchief from the little bag she keeps in her bike basket, pulling out her phone to note the time (8:37 AM) and the message notification flashing at her.

[from: ginny<3]

dunno why you insist on being a morning person. stop by the dunkin on your way back and get us breakfast?

[to: ginny<3]

You had Dunkin for breakfast three times this week. You should consume something healthy.

[from: ginny <3]

>:( >:( >:( >:(

[from: ginny <3]

counterpoint: you bringing me dunkin is better than me not eating breakfast at all. which is the alternative because i do not want to get up and prepare anything

[to: ginny <3]

Your womanly wiles will not work on me in regards to Dunkin breakfast.

[from: ginny <3]

bitch (affectionate)

[to: ginny <3]

Would you like me to make you breakfast on my return, beloved?

[from: ginny <3]

. . .

[from: ginny <3]

will you make me an omelette? with all the cheesy goo an shit?

[to: ginny <3]

I will make you an omelette with some degree of “cheese goo.”

Logan slides her phone into her pocket, huffing out a laugh at her girlfriend’s behavior, and hops onto her bike again.

*~*~*~*~*

“Your omelettes are always so much better than mine,” Virginia says, moaning as she sinks her teeth into an enormous bite of egg and cheese. Logan, calmly dicing bell peppers to mix into her own omelette, smiles.

“All food tastes better when it is prepared by someone who is not you.”

“You’ve clearly never had anything the twins have cooked.” Virginia takes another bite, pops a multivitamin into her mouth, and chases it down with a gulp of milk. “Besides, it tastes better because you made it.”

“I am not the most accomplished chef in the world, certainly, but I am glad you enjoy my cooking.”

Virginia laughs softly. “Lo, I like your food because it’s prepared by someone who loves me. I can taste the love in everything you make for me.”

Logan turns back to her peppers to hide her blush. “Love is not a measurable ingredient when cooking.” Virginia laughs again, louder this time; when Logan sets the knife down, she hears Virginia’s chair scrape out behind her as she stands, feels her arms wrap around her waist, feels the cool skin of her face press into her neck.

“Love you.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Stressful day at work?” Logan asks, hearing the door slam.

Virginia kicks off her flats, sending them flying into the wall with a clatter. Logan sets down her crochet project and moves toward the entrance of their house, where Virginia is shrugging off her rainjacket to reveal a mint-green Peter Pan-collared blouse and dark gray dress pants. “The stressiest.”

Logan takes the jacket and shakes it out on the tiled entranceway before hanging it on the hook. “I am sorry, beloved.”

“Lots of assessments, lots of parents who don’t understand why I’m assessing their kid, lots of parents insisting that there’s nothing wrong with their kid, or that there’s no way their kid could possibly have the deficits that I’m seeing. Like, I wouldn’t make this shit up, you know? Literally, let me help your child. You came to me, remember? I’m not in the habit of imposing myself onto people.”

“That sounds very stressful,” Logan says. She tries to picture a life where she spends all her time interacting with people she doesn’t know on a regular basis instead of her little corner of the university biochemistry lab where she only has to interact with three or four known people and her immediate supervisor, mostly by email. It sends icy fingers skittering down her spine.

“It is, I hate it. I mean, Kitty’s my supervisor until I get my C’s, so if I have problems I can consult with her, but like . . . why are people the way that they are.”

Logan stretches up and presses a gentle kiss to Virginia’s cheek. “I love you, Ginny.”

Virginia exhales and folds herself around Logan, draping her body over her girlfriend and going limp and boneless. “I don’t wanna be a real person for the rest of the night.”

“That can be arranged.”

“But it’s my night to make dinner.”

“I do not mind switching and having you make dinner tomorrow,” Logan says. “This is an acceptable deviation from the routine.” Virginia pushes her face into Logan’s neck, and Logan nuzzles the side of her head, and she sighs like the entire world has lifted off her chest.

*~*~*~*~*

(This is how it starts:

Logan, taking a class on British literature in her sophomore year because she needs to meet her core requirements. Logan, meeting Rosie, disagreeing with her on almost every single point she raises in class, hating when they’re paired up for their midterm project but earning the best grade in the class overall. Logan, seeing a text from Rosie about how her housemate needs people to participate in a research study for extra credit. Logan, making the long trek down to the health sciences building and seeing Virginia for the first time, thinking that she’s pretty and not knowing that she’ll be thinking that for the rest of her life.)

*~*~*~*~*

“Hello, gorgeous,” Virginia hums.

“Are you talking to me or to the mint plant?” Logan says, aggressively stabbing her pointer finger against the Delete key. It clacks loudly, and she mutters an insult under her breath. “I am going to set myself on fire. I swear to god, I am.”

“Obviously the mint plant,” Virginia says, turning and dropping a kiss on Logan’s head. “You okay, honey?” Logan grumbles more and shoves the laptop away from her with a disgruntled noise. Virginia moves the laptop away and leans over to kiss her forehead.

“I am trying to politely word an email whose essence boils down to, ‘If you do not send me my fucking samples in a timely manner, I am going to be forced to commit an Atrocity the likes of which this earth has never seen’,” Logan says.

Virginia laughs so hard that she sits down on the tiled kitchen floor, wiping tears from her eyes. “You are so funny,” she wheezes. Logan feels her irritation fade a little under the brightness of her girlfriend’s joy. “Let me see the email, I’m good at professional bullshitting.”

*~*~*~*~*

“Braid my hair!” Rosie says, throwing herself down onto the couch. Logan lifts her laptop up just in time to keep Rosie’s head from slamming into the keyboard.

“Ginny is your best bet for braids, Rosie. I have limited experience.”

“It doesn’t have to be fancy, It just has to be off my neck.”

Logan saves her document and sets her laptop on the coffee table, poking at Rosie’s ribs until she slides onto the floor and settles cross-legged between Logan’s thighs. “A comb and some hair-ties would be appreciated.”

“REMUS!” Rosie shouts.

“WHAT?”

“BRING ME A BRUSH AND SOME HAIR BANDS!”

“GET YOUR OWN!”

“I’m going to kill that man,” Rosie mutters, rolling to her feet. There are suspicious muffled thumping noises from the other room for a few minutes before Rosie emerges, victorious, hair somehow even messier than it was in the first place.

“You are the single loudest person I have ever met,” Logan sighs, taking the comb and the hair ties and beginning to drag it through Rosie’s curls. Rosie winces, just a little, at the pull of the comb, and Logan tries to be more gentle.

“Thank you!”

“I did not say that was a compliment.

“Hey!”

*~*~*~*~*

Logan tugs her sweatshirt sleeves down from where she’d rolled them up previously, shivering a little. Part of her wishes that she had worn leggings instead of capris as she drags the folding chair a little closer to the bonfire, toes dragging through the still-sun-warmed sand. The speaker set up on the food table blasts some sort of current pop music, and Rosie and Poppy dance around each other, chanting the lyrics at each other. They are both very loud and very off-key and, Logan suspects, fairly drunk as well. Remus is in the ocean (definitely buzzed, potentially naked) and Jan is standing at the edge of the ocean, watching to make sure he stays alive.

“Hey,” someone says, low and rumbling in her ear. Logan does not flinch (just barely) and turns to see Virginia, holding a plastic cup with a poorly-drawn sketch of the state of Virginia on it. Her hair is starting to come loose from its messy bun, and her sweater sleeves keep sliding down over her wrists and nearly dunking into her drink, and her breath smells sweet and alcoholic. When she lifts her hand to Logan’s cheek, her fingers are cool, and Logan shivers.

“How’s my girl?” Virginia asks.

“Cold,” Logan answers honestly. Virginia laughs, tipping her head back and exposing the long strip of her neck. Logan wants to lick it.

“You’re adorable,” Virginia says, leaning in and pressing her mouth against Logan’s ear. Her breath is warm and slightly damp. “So pretty, my Logan, and so smart. I bet you know exactly what chemical compounds are making the flames turn that color, hmmm?”

Logan can feel her face burning hotter than the bonfire, but Virginia just sits languidly in her lap, feet propped up on the armrest. Her toes are painted pale purple, and the glitter sparkles in the firelight.

“How many drinks have you had?” Logan asks.

“Enough to feel all tingly,” Virginia says, swirling whatever’s in her cup. “How many have you had?”

“None,” Logan answers honestly. Virginia leans her head against Logan’s shoulder, and her wispy frizz tickled Logan’s nose. She sneezes, and Virginia giggles in the high-pitched, superficial way she only giggles when she gets really, really drunk.

“You sound so cute when you sneeze.”

“I do not.”

“Of course you do,” and now Virginia is looking at her, eyes glowing warm in the firelight. “You sound cute when you do anything. You’re cute when you exist. You’re cute no matter what. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

Logan hates the taste of alcohol, but she leans in and kisses Virginia anyway.

*~*~*~*~*

“Lo.”

“Hmmm?”

“Pick a color.”

“What?”

“I’m painting my toes again. Pick a color for me.”

Logan flops over onto her stomach, staring at the neat row of creme polishes sitting on their ottoman. Virginia’s bare feet are propped up in front of them, spread apart awkwardly with neon lemon gel toe spreaders, and she studies the nail polish like she’s trying to determine which vial isn’t poisoned.

“I like that one,” she says finally, pointing to a pale pink polish the color of the flowers Virginia brought her on their first date. Virginia hums, picking the bottle up and tilting it critically in the light.

“Not the one I would have picked, but I said you could pick, so I guess we’re doing it.”

Virginia tosses some bottles of toppers (or “tacos” as she calls them, slang from one of the YouTubers she likes) onto the bed while she paints her toes, and Logan sifts through them to settle on a blue-yellow iridescent one.

“I do not know how you can get behind wearing something called a Unicorn Skin,” Logan says. Virginia just shrugs and plucks the bottle from her hand. Their fingers overlap - Logan’s warm from where they’ve been tucked under her body, Virginia’s cool from where they’ve been gripping the glass bottle. Impulsively, Logan lifts Virginia’s fingers and kisses the tips.

“You’re going to smear the polish,” Virginia mutters, even though she painted her fingers earlier today and they’ve been dry for a while. She doesn’t bother to yank her fingers away, either, so Logan kisses them again.

*~*~*~*~*

“Logan!”

Logan is fully aware that the only thing keeping Poppy from crashing into her like a floral-sundress-covered cannonball is the casserole dish in her hands. She counts her blessings and steps aside to let Poppy in.

“Where’s Jan?”

“Getting something from the car! It’s my turn to drive us home, so she brought something to drink.”

Jan primly kicks the passenger side door shut with her heeled ankle boots, a bottle of wine grasped by the neck in each hand.

“I hope you do not intend to drink both of those in their entirety tonight,” Logan says. Jan rolls her eyes and offers one of the bottles to her.

“This one is a gift for you and Ginia. The other one is for me.”

“None for Poppy?”

“Poppy is the designated driver, so she will not be drinking. And I know she already told you that.” Logan rolls her eyes, and Jan flips her off. “Are you going to invite me in or not?”

“What are you, a vampire?” Virginia shouts from the kitchen.

“Only one of us dresses like the undead, darling, and it isn’t me,” Jan calls back, stepping into the house. “Are the twins here yet?”

“They cannot attend. Remus has orchestra practice and Rosie is teaching a dance class. You already knew both of these facts, because you are in the group text.”

“I am not.”

“You responded to a message in the group thread fifteen minutes ago.”

“That was the NSA agent assigned to monitor me.”

“You are a liar.”

“What else is new?”

*~*~*~*~*

groupchat name: be gay do crime

soda poppy: hey every1! DONUT 4get to make ur bakesale goodies and drop them off at r house by 7 am on fri!

lo tide: Please use normal words. I am begging you.

snesbian (snake lesbian): then beg.

lo tide: I do not recall asking for your opinion.

snesbian (snake lesbian): and yet i give it to you anyway. am i not generous

virgin: if you don’t stop making fun of my gf i swear to god

virgin: also remus if you don’t stop changing my name i’m gonna end you

virgin has changed their name to gin(ny) and tonic!

gin(ny) and tonic: much better anyway

violets are blue rosie is me: i believe you meant anygay

gin(ny) and tonic: i said what i fucking said

ace attorney irl: you changed your name :(

gin(ny) and tonic: every day the Lord regrets giving all of us mod powers in this chat

snesbian (snake lesbian): i have no such regrets

lo tide: Can we circle back to the bake sale, please?

soda poppy: Whatchu wanna kno???

lo tide: I assume it is school related?

soda poppy: yep!

soda poppy: fundraising 4 this year’s art club field trip! since im the faculty advisor im in charge of approving and setting up 4 the fundraisers

lo tide: I see. And why, exactly, is it our responsibility to make things for this fundraiser? Should it not be the students’ responsibility?

soda poppy: they r makin stuff 4 it but also i gotta make sure some of the stuff will b edible yknow

lo tide: I see.

gin(ny) and tonic: listen i know that jan is like. a professional pastry chef an shit. but i’m not making anything fancy like a cheesecake or smthn

gin(ny) and tonic: i’m making like. fuckin brownies

snesbian (snake lesbian): smh don’t you care about the Children at all?

gin(ny) and tonic: no. they’re not my kids

ace attorney irl: i will make cookies

soda poppy: u cannot make them inappropriate shapes

ace attorney irl: :(

violets are blue rosie is me: do not worry, i will make sure they are an appropriate shape

violets are blue rosie is me: i’ll make cupcakes!

lo tide: I believe I have a recipe for lemon squares that I can make. Will lemon squares be sufficient?

soda poppy: yeah! just keep ur stuff free of common allergens like tree nuts

gin(ny) and tonic: so my plan to just yeet you a bag of reese’s peanut butter cups and call it a contribution is out then

*~*~*~*~*

Virginia throws a box of brownie mix into the cart and dusts her hands off. “There. Done.”

Logan raises an eyebrow.

“Don’t give me that look, we have the rest of the ingredients at home. We have tap water, we have oil, we have eggs, we don’t need anything else. What do we need for your lemon thingies?”

“Lemons, presumably.”

“You’re a comedian,” Logan deadpans. Virginia flips her off, and then leans in to kiss her cheek. “I do need lemons, though. Lemons, more eggs . . . I have a list in my phone.”

“What phone?” Virginia says, dangling Logan’s galaxy-patterned case above her head. “I think you’re too short for this, Lo.”

“Give me my phone,” Logan says, rolling her eyes. Virginia wiggles it above her head, laughing.

“Maybe you should give me something in return.”

“Like what?”

Virginia grins. “Like a kiss, perhaps?”

Logan rolls her eyes again, but she leans in and kisses Virginia gently, swiping her phone back when Virginia lowers her hand to cup her face. “Thank you for paying the toll, sweetheart.”

“You are ridiculous,” Logan says. It doesn’t stop her from gently kissing Virginia’s cheek before pushing the cart down the aisle again.

*~*~*~*~*

groupchat name: be gay do crime

lo tide: What time did you want us to drop off the baked goods, Poppy?

soda poppy: if ur gonna b in the area, u can just drop them off at my house!

ace attorney irl: i made some of the shapes inappropriate but those ones r 4 u and jan

soda poppy: what did u make 4 the bake sale?

ace attorney irl: . . .

soda poppy: what did u make 4 the children, remus.

ace attorney irl: nothin’ too crazy! jan had some normal summer shapes - suns, flip flops, etc. etc. used those

soda poppy: :D thx remus!

ace attorney irl: made some fishies too! but the octopi are just for u an jan.

ace attorney irl: i . . . may have painted dicks on them

soda poppy: well at least u warned me right

*~*~*~*~*

“Did you get the right kind of popcorn?” Logan asks.

“If by ‘the right kind’ you mean ‘your favorite kind,’ then yes, I did,” Virginia says, coming into the living room with a large yellow bowl full of fluffy popcorn. “What are we watching tonight? It’s your turn to pick, isn’t it?”

“Gay fish,” Logan says.

Virginia sets the popcorn on the coffee table and blinks at her. “That is . . . quite the description of Finding Nemo, sweetheart.”

“Not Finding Nemo, Ginny. Luca. It’s new, and it’s not explicitly gay, but there is a very obvious queer reading. I thought we could watch it together.”

“Anything with you sounds wonderful.”

“Sap,” Logan mutters. She leans in to kiss Virginia’s cheek, but Virginia turns at the last moment and presses their lips together.

“Are you sure you want to watch a movie?” she says. “We could just make out instead, if you want.” She pushes gently on Logan’s stomach, guiding her to lay on her back on the couch. Virginia lays on top of her, gently sliding a hand to rest warm and heavy on her stomach. She leans forward, pressing a gentle kiss to Logan’s neck, and then her jaw, and then rubbing their noses together.

“Tonight is movie night,” Logan says. Virginia presses their mouths together, and Logan hums, gently pressing up into the kiss. “We should be watching a movie.”

“Are you sure?” Virginia says. “I think we should pursue this avenue a little further.”

Logan squirms a little. “I - I would not - um - no, thank you.”

Virginia’s eyes, which were hazing over with something, clear as she blinks. “Okay, sweetheart.” She leans back, sits up, pulls Logan into a sitting position. “Are you alright?”

“I’m okay,” she says. “I just - I am not in the mood for that tonight. If that is okay.”

“Of course it’s okay,” Virginia says. She holds out a hand, and Logan takes it. Virginia kisses the back of it before settling herself on the couch. “I am so proud of you for expressing a boundary and telling me you were uncomfortable. I know that expressing boundaries is something that we’re both working on, and you did a wonderful job. Tell me what you want, Lo. Please?”

“I would like a kiss,” Logan says. “Just one. And then I would like to cuddle, and - and I would like us to watch Luca together. Is that acceptable?”

Virgil nods. “Of course, love. Come here, hmmm?” Logan settles next to her, and Virginia gently cups her cheek and presses their mouths together. “I love you, Logan. So much. Of course we can watch Luca now.”

Virginia lays an arm along the top of the couch, allowing Logan to cuddle up against her and rest her head on her chest. “I love you,” Logan says softly.

“I love you too, sweetpea.”

*~*~*~*~*

Logan rolls over, yawning, and feels a small weight displace itself from her thighs. She blinks awake slowly, lifting her head and pushing her curtain of curls aside to reveal a black cat mewing at her grumpily before settling into a sushi roll beside her.

“Did I wake you? I am sorry, Galileo . . .”

Galileo settles against her, purring softly, while the ash-grey cat at the foot of the bed pads slowly up to curl on Virginia’s back. “That’s your favorite spot, isn’t it, Andromeda?” The cat emits a soft “mrrrp” before settling back down to sleep. Logan yawns, smiles, and gently strokes her hears. “What should we do, girls? Shall we stay awake and be productive members of society?”

Neither cat responds, and Logan looks at Virginia. She’s haloed in the morning light, eyes tightly shut, mouth hanging open, drool leaking into a puddle on the pillow. She snores a little - one, two, three snorts before settling back into a deep sleep.

“No,” Logan decides, “we shall not.” She lays back down, gently nudging Galileo a few inches over so that she can snuggle up to Virginia. Galileo stretches out, pressing a paw directly into Logan’s cheek. Logan shoves her, and she resettles onto Logan’s feet with an indignant noise.

“You can sleep by my face when you do not kick my face,” Logan mutters, curling into her love.

*~*~*~*~*

groupchat name: be gay do crime

soda poppy: r u all comin 2 the bake sale 2morrow?!

lo tide: I was under the impression that we were only providing the baked goods. Is it not for the students at the school?

soda poppy: we got waaaayyyy more stuff than we thought so we r havin a 2nd bakesale 2morrow 4 parents an stuff!

soda poppy: we r gonna need sum help with setup though . . .

lo tide: Poppy, please do not even -

soda poppy: 🥺🥺🥺 p l e a s e

lo tide: Poppy.

snesbian (snake lesbian): logan

lo tide: If I agree to stop and pick up coffee for everyone, will that motivate you all to turn out?

violets are blue rosie is me: i’m always a slut for free coffee

lo tide: I’m sorry, where did I say that this would be free?

violets are blue rosie is me: D:<

ace attorney irl: eh i’m down for it. where you swingin’ by?

soda poppy: there’s a panera p close 2 where the bake sale is!!! it’s gonna b at the morning girl’s basketball game

lo tide: Does anyone have any issues with Panera coffee?

violets are blue rosie is me: nah. large iced coffee, add three ounces of half and half, two pumps of sugar syrup, two pumps of vanilla, and caramel drizzle.

ace attorney irl: complicated bitch much?

violets are blue rosie is me: why must the cain instinct betray me like this

ace attorney irl: the cain instinct started when we stole each other’s genders in the womb

violets are blue rosie is me: this is true this is true but you’re still a bitch

ace attorney irl: large hazelnut coffee, two sugars, please

snesbian (snake lesbian): large dark roast, black

soda poppy: medium decaf coffee, two ounces of almond milk, and two pumps of sugar syrup!

gin(ny) and tonic: large caramel latte

lo tide: You . . . are going to ride in the car with me to pick up the coffee, we can order our own coffees. I do not need your order, love.

lo tide: But I appreciate the information <3 <3

*~*~*~*~*

“We come bearing gifts,” Virginia announces loudly. “And by gifts, I mean we bought a baker’s dozen of cinnamon crunch bagels for everybody.”

“Well, there are twelve cinnamon crunch bagels and one plain bagel, bagged separately, for me,” Logan corrects, expertly balancing two coffee trays with a bagel container. “Also, we made more brownies.”

Poppy looks up from where she’s instructing two high-schoolers on how to hang a sign properly and grins, waving brightly. Jan is leaning on the table, hand on her head, sipping at a water bottle.

“Vodka or whiskey?” Logan asks dryly, handing over Jan’s black coffee. Jan blinks at her, flips her off, and drains a long swig from her cup.

“Water. Partied a little too hard with Remy last night, and now I’m hungover as shit.”

“We suspected as much, which is why we brought you an extra coffee.”

“Lifesaver,” Jan says, knocking back another long drag of coffee before taking a sip of her water bottle. (Logan suspects the bottle is actually Poppy’s, due to the sun-shiney stickers plastered all over it.) “You and Poppy both. But if you tell anyone that, I’ll gut you like a fish."

“No, you won’t,” Logan says, turning to hand Rosie and Remus their respective drinks. “You never do.”

Jan flips her off, but Virginia comes up behind her and leans her forehead against her shoulder. Logan turns, kissing her forehead, and smiles.

Life is good today, she thinks. Life is good.

(screen names!

virgin -> gin(ny) and tonic; ginny <3 = virginia (virgil)

lo tide = logan

snesbian (snake lesbian) = jan (janus)

soda poppy = poppy (patton)

ace attorney irl = remus

violets are blue rosie is me = rosie (roman) (thanks to @rosesisupposes for letting me borrow your screen name for this!)

[dragonrajafanfiction]

The Trieste Venture but with the MC added (Part One)

How the Trieste adventure should have gone in the game.

"They ...... they're coming!" Lu Mingfei said hoarsely.

You and Chu Zihang looked out from the observation window below. Scarlet water mist gushed out of the ruined ground. The dragon blood flowing from it rushed up, and from the cracks in the ground crawled slender living creatures, their bodies glowing with a metallic sheen, their pupils a hideous gold. Because they had slumbered so long, they couldn’t swim up yet. They creeped on the sea bed, crawling, wriggling their slender lower body. But after being nourished by the dragon's blood, their bodies immediately regained the strength of the ancient era. As they crawled they sprang up, swinging their long tails to float upwards rapidly. They passed by the side of the Trieste, but did not cast even a glance at the metal object with the lights on. Their eyes were on the endless darkness above. Hundreds and thousands of them finally broke free from the seal of bondage and were about to return to the human world.

"Snake tail people. Mermaids." Chu Zihang said softly, "This is not a pureblood dragon species. They were also human-dragon hybrids. This is not the city of the dragon race, it was built by the ancestors of the hybrids!"

"It's like a dragon ascending to heaven." Lu Mingfei murmured.

In the upper view, countless slender shadows were striving to swing their long tails, and the lava illuminated their bodies as they came together like golden whirlpools.

"When they rise all the way to the surface, this will get tricky. If even one of things were captured by the media, tomorrow every newspaper in the world will make it a headline." Caesar said, "But it's not our business anymore. Leave it to those Japanese. It's time for their support team to come into play. Our job is just to level the place. Whether it's the Lenin, the Embryo or Takamagahara. The very existence of such things is trouble."

"The deep-sea walking suits can only support five minutes at most." Chu Zihang said, "I'll have the Trieste lowered a bit."

"That's enough time." Caesar squeezed himself into the pressurized compartment on the side of the cockpit, swiveled around and snapped the 10 meter thick hatch shut.

Outside is an incredibly ultra-high pressure environment, and Caesar couldn’t use a diving suit without being crushed. So instead he was in another robotic submersible made of thick metal, spherical and pressurized. But even with this, his time is quite limited. Caesar gripped the operating handle of the metal arm firmly and blew into the microphone in the helmet: "Chu Zihang, try the communication device."

"I can hear you very clearly here, can you hear me?" Chu Zihang tapped the microphone in the cockpit.

"The call works well," Caesar paused, "Aren't you also a proud man?"

Chu Zihang froze.

"It's just that you're proud in a different way than I am." Caesar added, "Although you're uncomfortable when you're proud, if you weren't proud, you wouldn't deserve to be seen as an opponent by me at all. Those old guys in my family want to target you, but that matter has nothing to do with me. Don't think I would use those kinds of underhanded tactics against you. If it's my death and your life, just keep living so proudly … don't be defeated by the bastards I despise."

You’re not sure what they’re referring to exactly so you ask Zihang directly. “You were targeted by Caesar’s family?”

“It’s a long story.” Chu Zihang muttered, still focused on the device.

“MC! You’re not crying! That’s a good sign!” Caesar’s teasing voice came through in your ears.

You scowl at the monitor. “I never cry for any of my friends.”

“You do it when you sleep.”

Your jaw clenched and your hands balled into fists.

Lu Mingfei audibly gasped. If his head swiveled on his neck any faster, it might snap. “No way! You two… No way!”

“Nothing happened between us!” You growl at Lu Mingfei, before turning back to the image of Caesar in the monitor. “Why are you listening outside my bedroom, you creep? I’ll try not to cry for you then. I should be out there. You’re responsible for your own death.” You didn’t mean to speak so bitterly. But you never really had time to mourn, so your grief rapidly progressed from shock to denial to anger. But Caesar only chuckled, amused to get a rise out of you even at a time like this.

　　The moment the pressurized nozzle spewed out the zeppelin gear, Chu Zihang saw Caesar in the gear put his hand into the spherical helmet and gave him a thumbs up, not knowing it meant "victory".

Caesar slowly descended in the water, occasionally brushing by newborn mermaids. The ruin was like a gateway to Hell. Now that door to the underworld is open, the souls are desperate to escape. The mermaids are no longer in their right mind, but they still retain their beastly instincts, as if all of them have a premonition of destruction, and they are desperately fleeing from this desperate situation, not attacking anything along the way. Caesar couldn't figure out how the guardians could have sensed that Takamagahara would be destroyed by a nuclear explosion. That’s obviously not something they would be able to do.

Some of these long-dead hybrid species were intact, others were mutilated. Their preservation was similar to the mummification process but used more powerful alchemical techniques that sealed their vitality in immortal bodies. Some of them were missing half of their heads, others had pierced abdominal cavities, seemingly the remains left after a brutal battlefield, which the alchemists of the ancient world used as raw material. Caesar thought of the battlefield carvings he had seen on a birdhouse, as if that battle had really happened in history, and perhaps it was what finally destroyed the city.

In the light of gas mines and lava, the nuclear powerhouse that would be used to blow up the ruin and the Lenin were in clear view. The narrow nuclear powerhouse pitched in a pile of lung snails not far from the Lenin, millions of them writhing beside it. Caesar dropped into the pile of lung snails, and the tiny creatures were steadily dislodging themselves from the Lenin, hitting the zeppelin suit with a dull thud. Struggling to maneuver his awkward prosthetic limbs back to a standing position, Caesar trudged through the pile of lung snails, inching closer to the nuclear powerhouse. The currents were too chaotic for him to float forward, so he didn't dare release the lead weight on his zeppelin rig, and had to stick to the seabed like this, somewhere between walking and crawling. There was a constant stream of mermaids passing above his head. How many of them had been revived, a few thousand or tens of thousands? Caesar could not count them. In this underworld at the height of the day countless undead were buried underground. These mermaid hybrids seem to have directly inherited the civilization of the dragon, completely unlike humans.

The Zeppelin suit is already working over-capacity -- the pressure is overloaded, the output is overloaded, and the lighting inside the helmet keeps flashing out. If not protected by the ultra-high-pressure saline inside the suit, Caesar would have been bleeding internally, but the ultra-high-pressure saline also made his eyes bloodshot and made it difficult to breathe. He had eyes only for the nuclear powerhouse less than ten meters away, but to crawl through ten meters in the waist-deep pile of lung snails, he gradually wondered if he could do it.

His vision was getting blurry. The effects of high pressure are the most obvious on vision. The target in his sight began to appear ghostly. He started to feel a severe headache. His metal prosthetic limbs were slipping in the pile of lung snails, as if he was struggling in a mudslide and could be swallowed up at any moment.

Caesar closed his eyes and released the Scythe Itachi. Few people know that his hearing ability is not an aid. It’s a sixth sense even more effective than vision. The scythes hovered and danced in the sea, and Caesar was surprised to find the field expanded to an unprecedented extent. The sea was an excellent conductor of sound, and the loss of sonic transmission was less than in the air. Caesar could now see that the ancient buildings that had collapsed had thousands of black bells hanging from them. In the days when Takamagahara stood on the earth, the wind must have drowned the whole city in bells.

But in the sea, the bells emitted sound is beyond the range of normal human hearing ultra-low frequency. If he had not released the scythe then Caesar would not have been able to hear this magical music. Heavy ancient ultra-low frequency sound with the sea current through the ruins, Caesar immersed in the ancient music, imagining that the Takamagahara was on dry land. Thousands of bells were turning in the wind, and the tide of sound was ebbing and flowing in the city, tidal wave after tidal wave. He had never "heard" such a vast city.

"Come in, Caesar! Come in, Caesar! Answer! Answer!" Chu yelled.

Three minutes after ejecting from the deep submersible, Caesar lay in a pile of lung snails. His last action was to cling to a pile of lung snails, and from the camera inside his helmet, look at the pleasant smile remaining on his face.

No answer. Life monitoring equipment showed that he still has a heartbeat, but he had completely lost consciousness. You turn your eyes from the monitor. You can’t bear to look. Renata… Anton… Vera…

Did you have to watch Caesar die too?

Chu Zihang muted the microphone, took off the headset and handed it to you, staring into your eyes: "Remember, since the nuclear power module is detached, Sumeru can no longer monitor the data of its  operation, underwater communication must rely on the cable."

You refuse to accept it. “What are you doing? You’re not going to go out there and die too, are you? Caesar said we all have to stay here!”

"What do you mean? I don't understand!" Lu Mingfei shook his head in bewilderment.

Chu Zihang doesn’t respond to you but presses the device into your hand. "It means that if you don't tell Gen-kun about what’s happening, he doesn't know if the nuclear power module has been ignited again. If I fail to bring Caesar back, you tell Gen-kun that the ignition has been successful, but not that you cannot recover me and Caesar, so that he can recover you immediately. Gen-kun cannot verify the result of the ignition, he can only choose to bring you back. If he knows you’re still here and the nuclear module is not ignited, he will ask one of you to stay in the deep submersible and the other to get out of the cabin." 

“Zihang, let me go out there. H-hey!”

Chu Zihang put the headset on your head, "Don't say too much, and don't argue with me out of embarrassment. Just like Caesar does not want to sacrifice himself to save you and me out of the cabin, Chisei’s pride does not allow him to drive us out of the cabin."

You pull the headset off. “This is bullshit! Did you hear anything I said before to Caesar? Why aren’t you listening to me?”

"My pride also does not allow me to let a lower grade out of the cabin." Chu Zihang ignored the headset you held out, "If we don't make it back, you're the leader of the dive team."

“Isn’t Lu Mingfei my senior?” Your gaze shifts from Chu Zihang to Lu Mingfei.

Lu Mingfei sat limp on the chair, eyes innocent like a small raccoon, and you realize that Chu Zihang was right. Never once had you ever seen Lu Mingfei ever fend for himself in a pinch. He always seemed lost with the eyes of a small raccoon. If anything happened to Chu Zihang and you, Lu Mingfei would be fish bait.

The Dark-haired senior turned to Lu Mingfei. "Answer me sincerely, are you still unable to forget Nono?"

“Huh?” You asked.

Lu Mingfei lowered his head: "Yes, but I can't do anything about it, I just try not to think about it."

"If you're the only one of the three of us to escape, don't feel guilty about it. It's not your fault that Caesar and I had an accident. Try again to see if you can impress Nono. I always think she's actually a very weak girl inside. Losing Caesar will be very sad, right?" Chu Zihang walked towards the pressurized cabin, "You still have a goal to achieve, unlike me, I have nothing to aim for."

Your eyes returned to Lu Mingfei with a brand new sense of disgust. Was he seriously lusting after Caesar’s fiancée, planning to take his place at her side now that he’s going to die? If you knew that was the case, then you would have been happy to let Lu Mingfei out there to get eaten by lung snails!

"Brother, did you like the little dragon lady?" Lu Mingfei asked in a numb voice.

"So you call her the Little Dragon Lady?" He turned to you and said, “I know there’s a lot you don’t understand, but you will in time. Thank you for caring for him.”  Chu Zihang snapped the door of the pressure chamber shut behind him.

When Lu Mingfei turns to look at you, he doesn’t even react to the deep despising look you’re giving him. He just sighs. 

“You’re an asshole.” You snarl at him, biting the words out.

“I know…” He grumbles. “You don’t have to tell me.

[fromthedust]

Shaun Tan (Chinese-Australian, b.1974 - book illustrator)

Rules of Summer - Never leave a red sock on the clothesline.

Rules of Summer - Never be late for a parade. 

Rules of Summer - Never ask for a reason.

Rules of Summer - Always know the way home.

Rules of Summer is a large-format picture book about a friendship between two boys tested by challenging situations. It's a story with no particular narrative, just a list of mysterious rules such as 'Never step on a snail', 'Never argue  with an umpire' or 'Never  leave a red sock on the clothesline.’ As each rule is broken – not  always by accident – surprising consequences ensue. Readers are invited to decide for themselves what is really happening, and why. Silent crows look on as transgressions accrue, building toward an ominous climax.

Never leave a red sock on the clothesline - This was one of the first images conceived for the book, before I knew what it might even be about. I originally sketched children cowering behind a fence, hunted by a big black dog, but the familiarity of fairytale wolves felt too ‘loaded’, so I transformed the antagonist into a big rabbit. This actually feels more unsettling to me than a wolf – a soft herbivore turned predator. The landscape evolved into a kind of residential area behind old factories, commonly seen around inner Melbourne suburbs where I live. The red sock was added later, adding a mysterious narrative to the picture and offering a natural (if inexplicable) title; and when it came to colouring the rabbit, a deep crimson felt right. It’s not necessarily a demonic rabbit, but might be part of a local mythology known only to these boys. All you know is that it’s probably not a good thing . . .

Never be late for a parade - The older brother has made his first mechanical companion while the younger brother is still playing with found parts, either because of a shorter attention span, a lack of expertise, or that he just  doesn’t understand the peculiar rules, whatever they might be in this instance. He has yet to figure out his place in the world, and is for the moment little more than a bemused, innocent eye. He looks directly at the reader (the only time that happens in the book), inviting us to  make sense of something fundamentally irrational. While the younger brother works away at his ‘robot’ companion, the eldest is always far more advanced when it comes to this kind of  alchemical engineering . . . I wondered if kids could easily construct lively beings out of junk, how quickly might it dissolve into power games, jealousy and corruption? By itself, however, I found this image could be read more openly in a number of ways – the main element being that the older brother refuses to wait for the younger one, and, more deeply, the idea of fun and the anxiety of missing out on fun so often exist side by side. The nature of these creatures and their ‘parade’ is open to imagination. I based them on my study of old tin-toys; clattering, rigid and a little awkward, but full of weird character. I wanted them to look more like wind-up puppets than robots – more shell than substance. Two of the machines / animals are waving to each other, so there is a sense of kinship there, maybe achieving some independent thought or feeling. Each creature is meant to look as if it has a very specific personality. The suburban setting is very important, though I’m not sure why – it could just be that it looks like a place from some childhood memory, a peaceful, uneventful place. I was very interested in the brightness of the lime-yellow hill upon which the younger brother is working, and the strange darkness of the sky (almost like night), which adds a surreal effect, adding an ominous discord to an otherwise whimsical afternoon.

Never ask for a reason - The fight scene is an interesting one – a sudden dramatic  climax. The boys are animated yet the creatures are very still, not knowing what to do, like puppets without masters. I also imagined the fight as being like a campfire scene in a deep black night; and immediate feeling of heat and violence; the secondary feeling a kind of melancholy isolation. My idea for the fight scene began life years ago, inspired by a Goya painting of giants buried knee-deep in a landscape swinging clubs at each other – a deadlocked 'eternal battle', the meaning of which is nicely unclear, but with a feeling of colossal pointlessness. Here, all the entities from previous adventures have gathered to observe the conflict in a kind of bewildered silence. In earlier sketches I had the various creatures falling apart or walking away, as if the magic of a shared imagination has dissolved, but I felt there was something too ‘obvious’ about that. It seemed much more interesting for them to just watch, like a ritual gathering around a fire, unable to intervene, or frozen in time. There is a sense that they are fading from reality by making them all the same desaturated colour, weakly illuminated within a greater enveloping darkness.

Always know the way home - This painting, one of the earliest images imagined for the book, is largely inspired by a recurring dream I used to have as a child. It involved walking home from school (either alone or with my brother) and then suddenly noticing it was the middle of the night and nobody else was around, no house or streetlights, no sound, and even after walking for hours we were no closer to home: a dreadful feeling of complete stillness. This painting, however grim, is really more hopeful than frightening – the boys look small and vulnerable, but they are  secure in their togetherness and purpose, and the road home is clearly marked. They just need to keep moving, and eventually they will reach the dawn light. . . . The painted objects are very stream-of-consciousness for me, and not especially symbolic or allegorical. The huge animal skull is just one irrational ruin among many: gutted institutional buildings, a crashed warplane, bombs, machine parts, craters, and spiky growths. In hindsight, I think there is some similarity with landscapes of World War I, such as those depicted in paintings by British artist Paul Nash, as well as photographs of landscapes devastated by mining, or other environmental disasters: the photographs of Edward Burtynsky are particularly inspirational here (look up the film and book ‘Manufactured  Landscapes’); also, less consciously, ‘The Isle of the Dead’ by 19th century Symbolist Arnold Boecklin. The colour of the image is a little unnatural, a bit poisonous or mineral, in contrast to the more organic  blush of light along the horizon. I imagine this place as a kind of borderland between life and death, death being a completely banal nothingness, whereas this place still has a strange beauty to it – although grim, there’s some pleasure in looking at its scarred contours and wreckage.

https://www.shauntan.net/summer-book

[squidbobpops]

20 years

“Sometimes all the little things start closing in on me, but when I’m feeling down, I want to lose that frown and open my window and look around!”

//////////////////:::

The cashier frowned, his expression from one of irritation to that of concern, he felt his body anxiously tapping the ground and rubbing his arms.

“Spongebob?”

The young fry cook glanced up from where he was cleaning one of the many tables, it was a Saturday after all, so there weren’t really any customers. Their boss just decided to order them to clean the grease trap up, though it wouldn’t really be the first time he asked that of them.

“Yes Squidward?” The happy go lucky boy said

“Um..it’s about...uhh..”

Squidward didn’t really think this through, did he? Still he felt his hand reach back and nervously scratch the back of his neck, often his hand would brush up against his teal locks, but it didn’t really matter. The sweat though, was a different story. He coughed. stumbled, and stuttered. Why couldn’t he just speak?

Why couldn’t he had just said what he wanted that day?

///////////////////////

20 years later

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

The bell above the door rang, signaling a new customer into the restaurant, Squidward reading his magazine didn’t even glance up at the individual who had decided to bother him at his break time, muttering something Squidward sighed and spoke the dull questions of what the customer would like, Ever since...Spongebob left, it had been lonely. The painful reminder of the kid was gone, as he shook his head in despair. Spongebob had left twenty years ago and moved out. Nobody knew why and without any warning he had just vanished. No one had seen him since then and over the years soon the once active town was..quiet and dreadfully boring. He didn’t bother to contact any of his friends, only taking his clothes and snail.

“Welcome to the Krusty Krab, What do you want?”

He grumbled, he waited for a response, but to no avail. The customer was silent and that’s when Squidward had enough, who had the audacity to come in here and bother him, just to not order anything? He was going to give this patron a piece of his mind, whether Eugene promotes it or not! He stood up eyes closed in frustration and rubbed his temples, hands brushing through his teal hair.

“Sir, if you’re not going to order anything and bother me while I’m on break then I’m going to have to ask you to leave”

“I just got back though.”

At the sound of the all too familiar voice Squidward opened his eyes instantly and rubbed them, he did a double take and got out of his boat register and walked in front of the former fry cook in shock.

“S-Sponge... is that really you?”

He felt his heart beat a mile a minute and his face flush, his eyes burned with tears stinging at the edges. What was he doing back here? Twenty years of nothing and suddenly he come back?? Why? Squidward felt so many emotions all at once. Anger, Resentment, Curiosity, Fear, Relief, Joy, Sadness, and an old but all too memorable feeling came back.

Love.

Squidward felt himself stiffen not moving or saying anything and according to spongebob’s concerned expression he did not expect to see his former co-worker looking at him as if he was a dead person.

Spongebob did a glance over Squidward’s body, tall, well built, teal locks messy and curled. He took in his face as well, his mouth with those pale pink lips, and a light blush on his pale skin. His eyes dark red and still beautiful as ever. But tears, were building up and immediately the lips were also teeth clenched, and his knuckles white from gripping them so tight. His eyes filled with hate and sadness.

Squidward kept his eyes trained on the moron, afraid if he looked away, he’d be gone. The tears blurred his vision, but he didn’t care. Same stupid adorable freckles across his face, and the same stupid blond ruffled hair. His clothes were different, notably the difference was the suspenders instead of pants and a yellow shirt with a grid pattern. Other than that, the same tie, shoes and socks. Only the socks were rolled down. His eyes still as blue as the ocean itself. His pale lips and light color on his cheeks. Yep it was his Spongebob alright.

“Yeah, it’s me Squid.”

Spongebob smiled warmly at him, causing the older man to loosen up slightly, his pose from that of fear to casualness.

“Where the *dolphin noise* have you been?”

“Out, just exploring.”

“You..you left for twenty years..that’s it?! You could’ve done this without moving away you..j-jerk!”

“J-Jerk? Squid you have to realize that-

“No! You don’t get it, do you? You left this town and look at what has happened since then, Conch Street is barren, The Chum Bucket is thriving! Eugene only gets four to five customers nowadays, Sandy decided to go back to Texas, When you left..everything fell apart!”

He glared at the man in front of him, a finger jabbed into his chest accusingly pointed.

“Why come back now? What changed your mind?!”

Spongebob frowned, something Squidward didn’t expect. A frustrated sigh left his mouth as he grabbed squidward by the arm and led him towards the kitchen.

“Listen Squid, It doesn’t matter why I left, I’m back now aren’t I?”

Squidward growled, How could he act like his disappearance was nothing?! How could he just leave everyone like that? How could he be so selfish?

“It really does Robert.”

He flinched, Squid never used his real name unless he was serious. He stepped back, surprised at how much this had truly effected his home.

“Squid...I...”

“No more playing around, I’m sick of this.”

“....”

Spongebob rubbed his arms, eyes refusing to meet Squidward’s, which only fueled Squidward’s anger towards him.

“Why are you here now? Was twenty years too long for you?”

He sneered.

“I..never meant to leave for so long..”

“Yeah well you could’ve at least warned us! Everday since your little “adventure” Bikini Bottom has changed for the worst.”

“W-What do you mean?”

Sponge in grimaced, what exactly happened in those twenty years that got Squidward so mad?

“Like I said before, look at this town! The people barely say anything and if they do, it’s professional. No one visits and the population has decreased further! Sheldon and Eugene although are the same, there is always a look of despair on their faces, nothing was the same as it is before Robert, and now look at us! You honestly think that you didn’t have any impact on these people at all?!”

“I didn’t think..that they..”

“Yeah? Well you were wrong! Everyone has fallen into a depression cause of you!”

“.....what about you?”

Squidward tensed..what about him? Did it even matter to the man standing before him? Furthermore, despite everything that had happened..Squidward never did truly move on. How could he? It was hard to forget the little ball of joy that started his morning and ended his evenings..who had always smiled and giggled cutely. It was so hard to forget his face, and he spent nights, sitting on the floor of his bed room looking through photo albums, wondering if he’d ever see his sunshine again..it destroyed him, and tortured his mind at night. little urchin. He couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t eat, he refused to continue forward. So much had happened in that blip of time, just for him to come back..So, how was he? He was unsure, confused, and terrified..what if Robert left again? What would he do then...?

“.....I stayed the same.”

He lied through his teeth, he watched as Spongebob glanced away..yet again.

“I’m so..sorry Squidward I never—

“Don’t apologize to me Squarepants.”

Spongebob gulped as he knew exactly what he was about to face..alone.

“..Where?”

“Where else? Their at conch street. They never really stopped passing by where you lived. Sandy sometimes visits too.”

“...”

“Can..you maybe..?”

Squidward sighed...typical Spongebob. He reluctantly agreed and walked him there, as they did, a few residents were shocked. They looked at the two and a few tried to call out to Spongebob, while others grumbled curses. Finally as they arrived, There was the gang. Plankton and Krabs has grey hairs by now and stood next to each other staring at the empty space, it looked as if they hadn’t bothered do anything with it. Patrick and Sandy cried a tearful reunion, Pearl was there too. Karen watched from a distance, but Squidward had stopped walking and Sponge immediately turned to him, confused.

“...aren’t you coming?”

“This is as far as I go Robert, and I’m sure you know why.”

Spongebob shamefully nodded, as he started to head forward he gave one final wave as he headed towards them. Hoping that maybe..he could at least do this one thing right.

He approached, slowly at first..but the first one to see was Sandy. She pointed and cried..Everyone then immediately rushed over pulling Spongebob towards them. They had started loading a barrage of questions towards him, asking him why he left, or why he returned. But Patrick hadn’t come over yet, and Spongebob sighed. He walked towards Patrick and tried to reach out a hand. Only for Patrick to swat it away.

“Pat I..I’m sorry I left you..I truly didn’t mean to.”

“Bull shrimp.” Patrick mumbled.

He turned towards his old friend and had tears in his eyes and a scowl present in his face.

“B, F, F, that stands for us. Or..it did anyway. You said you’d never leave rob, why come back now?”

Spongebob swallowed, So Patrick was mad too huh? He guiltily tried to come up with something..anything to soothe his friend’s hatred.. but to no avail.

“Patrick I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you all behind I just thought..it’d be for the better.”

“Better? Better?! You call this (he motioned towards their friends looking tired and lifeless) better?! Rob, I tried to stay hopeful, I really did. Everday I told myself he’ll come back, he didn’t mean to hurt us. I told myself this for years until finally, I realized you weren’t and that broke me.”

“.......”

“So what? Apologize for twenty years of nothing?! Actions have consequences rob and I thought you of all people knew that.”

“I never wanted to hurt you guys.”

“But in the end, look around. This isn’t your home anymore. It’s nothing like it was.”

“....Pat...I know..my words probably seem meaningless to you right now and I can’t blame you, but please know..I do still consider you one of my bestest friends. B.F.F stands for us, and it still does. Please at least try to find it in your heart to forgive me.”

“.....You have no idea how much I am torn between wanting to accept that apology or punching you.”

SpongeBob’s eyes widened and he chuckled nervously, “Maybe..not the l-latter!”

.......

2 hours later.

————————

“I’m glad we’re all friends again, and I’m happy that at least one person was ok in this entire epidemic!”

“Who would that be exactly?” Pearl asked

“Squidward!”

Everyone immediately stopped smiling and frowned sending sad glances to one another.

“What? Did I say something?”

“Spongebob..Squidward was the one who was the most devastated by this.”

Karen chimes in

And just like that Spongebob felt something shatter.

“W-what are you talking about?”

“...He hasn’t played music in years, last time I saw him he was thinner than a nail”

“..oh my god.”

SpongeBob’s tone was laced with fear, as he ran to find him. He went to where he left him and panicked.

Where could he be??

“SQUIDWARD!”

He called out voice cracking, tears forming but he didn’t care, where did he go? He frantically glance around. The world was shrinking and the pounding in his ears wouldn’t shut up. It was all just static...

Until finally, he was grabbed into the tightest hug ever, it happened so fast he didn’t see who it was. He immediately embraced the person and cried, they were much taller.

“I’m here..”

The voice...it was squid’s and he smiled letting out a choked sob.

“Twenty years wasn’t enough to keep me away from you, you dimwit.”

He smiled as he chuckled, gripping Spongebob harder. Tears forming again in his own eyes as he held him closer.

[captainderyn]

An Unlikely Meeting

Title: An Unlikely Meeting

Summary: Rielay Taqq has known and consorting with many types of people all the way across the galaxy...in her work that is. It isn’t often that in her semi-retirement off hours on Corellia that she meets a Jedi, and even now the Jedi by the name of Idan Lumielle doesn’t exactly fit textbook definitions. 

A/N: This is a meeting literally months in the making because wow life got busy and then I got fixated on Ashes. Thank you thank you, thank you to @lumielles for your patience in me writing this at a snail’s pace annnd for letting my idiot smuggler meet precious Idan! 

---

 It wasn’t often that Rielay was stood up for get-togethers. Especially not now that she had a husband--if he stood her up then there would be more problems to her than the simple act of standing up. It also wasn’t something that Rielay missed, especially now that she had this nifty thing called a functioning life that required scheduling of time. She was quite proud of her functional life and structure and didn’t appreciate it being squandered. 

  In fact tonight she had taken up some of her friends--her pals, her buddies, the ones who said they were going to be here--on an offer to meet them at the Valuable Barrel, a bar in the center of Coronet City that she had been to all of once and was more out of her way than not, after her shift at the shipyard. She had got off her shift, washed the oil and grime from herself as best she could using wet wipes, paper towels, and a grimy workplace bathroom mirror in an attempt to look presentable, and come here. And yet, twenty minutes past their meetup time, her friends were shockingly scarce.   

 Shockingly, as if she expected anything less from flighty sorts of people who wouldn’t bother to give her a call to reschedule. Emeldir would never stand her up, but he was on Coruscant, probably saving the galaxy again if his record was anything to go by. Unfortunately she didn’t have the twenty-four hours to wait for Emeldir to travel from point A to point B; or to wait for him to either save the galaxy or become a pseudo king-consort of a planet. Her best friend had a busy schedule nowadays. 

  But she did have a few free hours tonight, granted to her by Esrin’s enthusiasm in all but kicking her out of the house so he could have a daddy-daughter evening with Rina and Sirixa, and she was hardly going to waste them. 

 Cocking her hip against the wood siding of the bar’s half wall, still tucked in the waiting area as if she wasn’t totally being stood up--she frowned as she looked at her chrono once again. She doubted they were going to show up now, all she was doing was ticking away precious minutes. She let her eyes wander across the patrons in the bar, fingers tapping against the wood, pausing when she saw a lone individual among groups of chattering and laughing people. 

 Nodding to the hostess with a smile she said, “Actually, I think I’ve found one of my party, thanks.” 

 The hostess just nodded to her and Rielay slipped by, plunging into the crowd of people, dodging elbows and waving arms along the way.

 “You,” she said sliding onto the barstool next to the forlorn looking man, hunched in his seat reading something idly off of a datapad. “Look like you could use company and a drink. What can I get you?” 

  “I...uh…” the man jerked in surprise as she spoke, as if she had given him quite a fright and Rielay smiled, giving a little ‘hey welcome back to reality’ wave before signalling to the bartender. “I don’t…” 

 “Uh-huh,” she hummed, gesturing over to the man’s mostly empty glass she said, “He’ll have another of whatever that was, and can you just surprise me with something that won’t knock me on my ass? On me. Thank you!” 

 When she glanced over at the man again he was staring at her like she had three heads and she gave a little sigh. “Oh don’t look at me like that I swear I’m completely sober.” she mentally whacked herself upside the head as another thought crossed her mind. “However I am incredibly rude for not introducing myself. Captain Rielay Taqq, pleased to sit on this barstool near you.” 

 She waited patiently for a moment of recognition--though Idan did chuckle lightly at her scattered rambling-- and when she didn’t get one after several beats her lower lip popped out, another exasperated sigh tearing from her. “Stars I retire after a decades spanning career and all it takes is a few years for me to fade into anonymity.” she sulked for another moment, silently lamenting the death of her career. “I bet you’d know who Emeldir Deryn is. Everyone knows who Emeldir Deryn is. Damn kid, getting all the glory.” 

   If she were perhaps a bit less observant she would have missed the brief look of...maybe not panic but something akin to nerves flash across the man’s face before it was schooled back into a neutrally confused look. Curiosity spiked in her--clearly she wasn’t wrong--but nonetheless she artfully chose not to push it. It wasn’t uncommon for people to come across her fellow captain, not with his galaxy spanning jobs and adventures that got him into trouble anywhere and everywhere.  

  “Don’t worry ‘bout it if you do, we’re friends, he and I, and I don’t get too pissy when he doesn’t mention me.” her deadpanned joke seemed to stumble again, her attempted friend staring at her like he wasn’t exactly sure what to make of her--which was fair enough she supposed, and not an uncommon reaction--and she scaled it back a notch. “Right, never mind, I don’t think I caught your name…?” 

  The man started slightly when the bartender thunked their refilled glasses by their arms before cutting his eyes back over to Rielay. They were dark and still shadowed with the whispers of suspicion, even in the glow of the lights. “Idan Lumielle…” 

  “Alright, Idan,” Rielay stuck her hand out. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. If you’re looking for company…” 

  He smiled tentatively at her, taking her proffered hand in a little shake. “I wouldn’t mind at all.” 

  Rielay beamed and Idan too seemed to relax, if just a little bit. 

  Conversation was fairly easy in a bar such as this--the music was loud enough that a few words every few minutes was passable and head nodding and laughing without any understanding was perfectly acceptable. Wrapping her hands around her glass, she hooked her feet behind the rungs of her stool and hummed as she listened to the music thrumming around them in one such temporary lack of conversation between them. It was a thumping beat, the words high and near indecipherable in the din--hardly the live music that her old haunt, The Rusty Freighter, on Nar Shaddaa had boasted. “You know, I used to sing in a bar like this for a living. Saved up for my ship that way.” 

“Oh? You sing?” Idan cut his eyes over to her first, curious, then back to the speakers hidden somewhere in the corner between the ceiling and the walls. “I imagine that was a much different atmosphere. Unless you too sounded like a pack of crazed akk dogs.” 

 It was a comment dry at the Tatooine sand that Rielay had not expected from a man such as Idan, enough to give her pause for a beat before laughter bubbled in her chest and she threw her head back, laughing aloud with a fisted hand pressed over her mouth. 

---

Rielay sighed as her holocomm chimed for the second time, looking apologetically at Idan. Esrin’s frequency didn’t chime often on the rare night when she was away from home but when it did...well, she wasn’t going to risk driving home to find her house burned to the ground. 

 “I’m sorry, I need to take this.” instead of fighting her way through the crowds where she was undoubtedly going to either get knocked into a table or a drink spilled down her front--she had worked bars on Nar Shaddaa, she had learned, never again--she turned her back to the wall, hunching over her holocomm so she could hear it as she answered. 

 Immediately her four year old’s face filled the frame, all big grin, freckles galore, and stubby lekku. In the background she could hear Sirixa trying to get her sister to put down the device and from the way the visual was rocking like a ship hitting turbulence she was physically trying to pull it away as well. “Mama!” Rina greeted over Sirixa’s increasingly irritated voice, chubby hands ripping away the device and setting it very deliberately on some surface Rielay couldn’t see. “Hi mama!” 

 “Hey Rina-baby,” Rielay couldn’t suppress the amusement in her voice, even if she was suspicious of the apparent lack of their father. Anytime her girls were on their own there was bound to be trouble. 

 “Moomm,” Sirixa popped into frame, the fourteen year old frazzled and grumpy. “Rina grabbed dad’s holo and now she won’t give it back--” 

  “As I can see.” she interjected patiently, not even thinking of letting a bickering match start. “I’m a little afraid to ask...but where is your dad?” 

  “Getting us a snack.” Rina answered very prim and proper--far too innocent and far too enunciated to be anything but fully aware that she was being mischievous beyond measure. Stars help her but she was pretty sure too much of her had ended up in her daughter. 

 "And dad,” Sirixa said pointedly. “Told us to not bother mom tonight remember?” 

  Rina’s round face strained up to glare at her older sister. “I had something’ta share!” 

  If the young cathar rolled her eyes any more they were going to get stuck that way and while Rielay usually wouldn’t let it slide, she wasn’t going to start up an argument in the middle of a bar; she wasn’t that mother. With an exaggerated wave of her hand, Sirixa made it exuberantly clear that she wasn’t impressed. “Oh yeah, and that is?” 

  “I…” Rina’s face scrunched up. “Now I don’t remember!” 

   “That’s alright, darling--” Rielay started before Sirxa’s sigh crackled across the holo speakers. She swore her daughter even pinched the bridge of her nose. 

  “Of course you don’t.” 

  “Girls…” she warned, though before a bickering match could break out both their heads jerked to look at something out of frame. A something that Rielay could only assume was their father, as Sirixa yanked the holocomm from Rina’s momentarily slack fingers with a hissed, 

  “‘Kay thanks, bye, sorry mom.” 

 She  buried her face in a hand, suppressing laughter when the call finally disconnected. “I’m sorry about that, they’re just--” she paused as she looked up. Idan was looking at where the image had flickered out, something forlorn and wistful coming across his expression. 

 “Are they your girls?” 

  “They are,” Rielay couldn’t keep the beam of pride away that always accompanied talking about the two little gremlins she called her daughters. “Even the grumpy kitten--you’d think she was the household police officer from all the dictating she does.” 

 She turned back around to face Idan again, bracing one arm against the counter and narrowing her good eye at him; he seemed to have fallen into some sort of distraction and she had a sinking suspicion she had somehow unintentionally tread out onto thin ice. “Do you have kids of your own? Kicking up chaos somewhere off Corellia?” 

 Idan hummed noncommittally, wavering between shaking his head and nodding before finally bobbing his head in something exactly in the middle. “I do...she’s with her mother.” 

 Oh, a brief moment of regret flashed through her as she realized she hadn’t just touched a nerve, but full out stomped on it. Perhaps she would have been better off shouldering her way outside to take the call. “I’m...sorry? I’m sorry if I’ve stuck my nose where it doesn’t belong--I do that more often than you’d probably expect.” 

 The best way Rielay could describe his reaction was that it was if she had reached out and tasted him with an electrostaff; he startled, jolting back into himself, and glanced sideways at her with another odd expression. She couldn’t get a good handled read on him, if she were herself from a few years ago she would’ve been suspicious--now she was just honestly a little concerned. 

  “No, it’s quite alright...I just…” Idan scrunched up his nose, indecision flashing like pain across his face. “It’s...difficult? Being apart from them.” 

  Making a noise caught somewhere between uncertain agreement and apology, she drummed her fingers on the table and nodded. “I can agree with that. But I’ve got a feeling you’re situation runs a bit deeper than simply leaving your little girl for a few days on a job.” 

  After a beat of bated breath she realized that oh no, she’d not just stomped on a nerve, she’d jammed her heel in deep and ground it in deeper. She really needed to stop doing that. She made an unhappy noise in the back of her throat, eyes jumping around to avoid any of the awkward tension she’d definitely created. 

   It did nothing to breath the tension when from the corner of her good eye she caught a glint of metal to the side of Idan’s belt--a lightsaber if she knew anything about lightsabers, which she didn’t, except that they were usually cylindrical and had shiny bits and this had both--and blurted; “Well fuck, you’re a Jedi?!” 

  If Idan was offended at all by her lack of eloquence he didn’t show it, dipping his head with a soft laugh and a hand jumping up to rub the nape of his neck. “Sort of...I guess you could say that.” 

  Never claiming to be wonderful at dealing with gray areas, Rielay’s brows drew together, her head tilting to the side not unlike a befuddled kath hound. “You’re...sort of a Jedi?” 

  “Well no…” another half laugh, another hum stalling in nature. “I am a Jedi, it’s just...complicated.” 

  “Complicated,” Rielay parroted back before giving a little nod along. Complicated she was well acquainted with. Complicated was Ien Ossus not being to untangle the Ascendancy from his life as a smuggler, complicated was being the wife of a Republic soldier while she herself worked outside the lines of the Republic. It was the force that knotted strings of paths, crossed them over and created a muddled mess. “So you’re a Jedi...got it.” 

  At the very least he relaxed when she didn’t pry more, tracing his finger around his nearing empty glass. “Technically you could say I’m the Barsen’thor, if that’s important to you in the slightest.” 

  If it was meant to get a reaction out of her, it didn’t. The title sounded familiar in the back of her head, as if she’d heard it in some Republic report or another, or perhaps heard Esrin mention it offhandedly once, but if the hope was for it to instill the reverence or fear of the gods in her then it didn’t work. Not wanting to offend, she widened her eye and bobbed her head a bit with an, “Ooh, Barsen’thor...didn’t realize I was in the presence of some Jedi greatness.” 

  Whether that earning her an inelegant snort was a good or bad thing she still wasn’t sure. “Jedi greatness is a bit of a stretch.” Idan looked at her from the corner of his eye, mouth quirking up. “What about you--are you some secret crime syndicate leader I should be swearing reverence to, Captain?” 

  She knew a change of subject when she saw one and the dry humor blindsided her enough that she paused, brow arching before she clapped her palm down on the bar top with a giggle. “Not at all, just a little ol starship captain in that regard. My partner in crime--well, not actual crime, we’re good smugglers mind you--partner in business is the one with the fancy title, the Voidhound and everything. I’m just a captain.” 

  Even that wasn’t true anymore and she held up a finger to amend, “I used to just be a captain. My reputation remains, but I retired from the business.” 

 “That’s a course of action I can understand,” Idan mused. “Getting out of the spotlight, out of the chaos.” 

 She knocked her knuckles against the wood in agreement. “Cheers to that; I’ll leave that to the likes of Deryn and Ossus now...I’ve got my hands full enough with my kids to be playing that game anymore.” 

 In the brief pause, as if they’d cosmically dared the universe to interrupt them, Idan’s commlink chimed, noise overpowered by the crowd, but a greenlight blinking on the surface. For a moment they both stared at it, letting it blink woefully unacknowledged. 

 “Speaking of,” Idan smiled ruefully, tapping the band of his commlink knowingly. “That would be the chaos summoning. Thank you for the drink and the conversation, Captain.” 

 “Rielay,” she said on a whim, sliding down from her barstool as he stood up. She barely came up to his chin without standing on her tiptoes and she tilted her chin up to meeting his eyes, sticking her hand out. “You can call me Rielay. And let me at least walk with you out...I should be getting home anyway.” 

 With a small lift if his brows, she was graced with an earnest smile as they started their dance through the crowds of people, tables, and errant chairs, Rielay following in the path Idan cleared. Breaking out into the cool night air, backed with the sounds of late night traffic and the sounds of the bar muffled behind the door the whoosed closed behind them, he paused to add,  “It was lovely to meet you Rielay. Thank you, honestly, for the hospitality.” 

 With a humbled lift of her shoulders, she brushed the thanks away, though she offered a smile of her own. A mischievous grin, more like. “You know what they say...drink with a Corellian and they’ll be your friend forever. If you ever find yourself in a spot of trouble...I’ll take a short jaunt out of retirement.” 

 She doubted any manner of force wielding Jedi would ever need a semi-retired smuggler’s help and yet Idan still looked oddly taken aback, touched almost. Ducking his head for a moment, hesitating, he finally settled on saying, “I hope I never get in enough trouble to drag you out of your well earned retirement, but maybe our paths will cross in other, more positive ways?” 

 Practically beaming Rielay didn’t pause before agreeing. “If you ever find yourself around…” cocking her hip and offering a jaunty salute, she finished, “Take care, Idan Lumielle.” 

[marcoacesabo]

In my honest opinion this world needs more 'Roger is being ridiculously overprotective and refusing to accept the fact that his son is growing up and has two boyfriends, neither of which Roger approves of' fics. Please?

Gol D Roger was a man feared far and wide. Among the emperors  of the sea he was by far the most powerful, the one with the most control- everyone knew that all of East Blue was his and a vast majority of the New World was dotted with the Roger Pirates flags- He’s crew had thousands and thousands of members all under sub captains that could be their own emperor if they choose to.

Hell, Shanks was considered an emperor and he was but one of the sub captains that followed Roger around.

Out of the all the emperors, Roger was also the one you want to piss off the less, because unlike the other powerhouse he would hunt you down himself. He would not rest, would not stop until he found his target to punish himself.

Now it was rather difficult to piss off Roger, in fact, he was known for laughing off most offensives, just as long as you didn’t touch his crew or his biggest treasure. Other pirates in the world believed that treasure was One Piece, rumored to be where all the Roger Pirates treasure was located at the end of the world.  

It is said that Roger would let you keep it if you managed to find it, simply because he thought the bravest and the strongest of them all should be allowed the power.

But that was just a rumor.

The truth was, Roger’s greatest treasure would never be up for grabs and the man would rather be skin alive than ever letting his little boy go.

After to a father, his child was the most precious thing in the world.

Gol D. Ace just wished his father would let attractive people talk to him. He wants a significant other, dammit.

“Heads up. Redhead and an older man on the move” Rayleigh said not looking up from his mug of beer. He didn’t even sound considered when Ace was in danger the ass!

Roger sprung up from his chair so fast his coat almost falls off, whipping his head towards his darling little angel who was smiling shyly up at a man that was leaning awful close to his boy, one of his large meaty hands placed on the wall near Ace’s head. He had his son trapped against the wall, from the way his lips moved he was telling Ace “Is it true you really never have? I could teach you. I think it is best for us to leave don’t you?”

Ace gave a breathless nervous laugh, face tilt just that bit red- obviously, he wanted nothing to do with this man!

Don’t you worry baby, Daddy will save you!

“I think the fuck not!” Roger sneered releasing a burst of Haki strong enough that some surrounding tables tumbled over. He would have thrown his haki at that bastard but his fainting form would land on Ace, and his child was already having to deal with him being in his bubble too much.

Luckily it was enough to grab the attention of everyone in the bar, including the redhead bastard. The redhead man turns around at the sudden burst of haki looking like a startled wild animal. His green eyes landed on Roger and then he stiffens in horror as the King of Pirates glared him down.

Good. He better fear him.

Roger stomped his way across the bar, people scrambling out of his way, some of them being his own men. His rage rolled off him in waves, making his skin feel tight and his face pull into a sneer so bad that his teeth made a loud clack sound when he snapped them into place.

The whole while he never took his eyes off the shaking bastard, who looked like he wanted to run but was unable to move. What felt like too long he was able to growl into the terrified man face  “step away from my son.”

There was a small splash sound as the man pissed himself. What a fucking wuss.

Ace’s displeased “Dad! Leave him alone! Tom’s just buying me a drink!” was ignored as Roger reached out to grab his collar “I see your face ever again and I swear to you, no one will be able to save you”

Meeting go of “Tom’s” - if that his real name- landed on his ass before scrabbling backward, so pale his lips looked like someone slapped some red piece of meat on snow.

Ace step forward trying to help him up,  “I’m so sorry you have to deal with this Tom. we can leave if you-”

“No!” The man gasped out tugging his arm free of Ace’s hold, eyes flickering to Roger who’s face was rapid darkening  “No! I-I’m sorry! I’m sorry please don’t-I’m sorry!”

With that, the man turns around rushing for the door his stain jean pants scraping against his body with a wet slush sound. A sense of satisfaction filled Roger’s chest even as Ace shouted “ Call me!” when the man burst through the door and dispersed into the darkness.

Mentally Roger patted his own back. Ah, another disaster avoid-

“What is your problem!?” Ace snaps wheeling around with an angry red hue “You ruin everything!”

Roger frown at his child, crossing his arms. It looks like they were going to have the same argument again. It was becoming rather common as of late, which was saddling. What happened to his little boy who cheered each time Roger save the day?  “He was dangerous”

Ace hands curls into fists, tight at his side “No he wasn’t! He was just flirting with me!”

“That’s why he’s dangerous Ace! He’s was just trying to get into your pants and I wasn’t-”

“I wanted him in my pants!” Ace cut in, voice filled with so much stress it could have been the cause of the sudden heart attack Roger was feeling  “Or a least have him take me out! Dammit, Dad!  I want a man’s attention on me without you coming in and ruining each of my chances!”

Roger clutch his chest back peddling as his son continue to rant about all the people he’s been trying to get to know over the years and felt his heart stopping at random moment.

“Ace”  He wheezed  “No. Not my little baby. He can’t be interested in hugs, kiss or s-sex-”

“I’m not little anymore!” Ace shouted throwing up his arms. His freckled face, so similar to Rouge, scrunched up as he screamed “I am twenty! I want to date!”

Roger started to hyperventilate  “B-but you’re so young and you don’t really know what you want yet-”

“Agh! Forget it! I’m going back to the ship! ” Ace slammed a palm against his face, before turning around and leaving the bar ignoring all of Roger’s shouts to wait. The force in which the youth yanked the door, it falls to the ground with a loud bang and he stomped his way out into the street.

His shout of “I hate you!” reaching the ears of everyone in the 5-mile radius.

The pirates and civilian in the bar watched on with mute wonder as Gol D. Roger busted into tears  “Whhhaaaa! My baby hates me! Someone help me! My baby!

The next few days, when the Oro Jackson sets out to sea again Ace barely leave his private room. He only comes out to eat or use the bathroom, otherwise, he goes back to his room.

Roger paddles around uselessly wondering what he can do to make his son happy again. The boy hadn’t spoken a word to him when he went back from the bar that night, had even acknowledged  his presence as he climbs up the ramp. Instead, his son was staring at a piece of paper he had.

He then had shut himself in his room.

It was so hard to be a parent. You wanted to be your child’s best friends but you had to be stern when it came to keeping them safe and Ace just wouldn’t understand that men (and women) were just trying to use him.

Some might say he was overprotective but Ace was his world. He was his small bundle of joy, the last link between Roger and Rouge. He was the little baby that won Roger over the moment he looked into his son’s eyes the first time they open.

He was the tiny little being that smiles at him, not even an hour after being born. . Every time Roger looked at him he felt his heart warm, felt pride and love for his child. Being a father was the greatest adventure, if you asked Roger, it was almost as amazing as being in love.

Ace is precious 

So maybe he couldn’t let go, not yet.

 He just had to win his son’s forgiveness.

“What are you doing?” Shanks asks watching his captain balance ramen bowls on every balance part of his body.

Roger grin at him toothy  “Bring Ace his favorite for dinner! I’m thinking of having some father-son bonding time”

Shanks’ eyes widen  “In his room? right now?”

“What a silly question. Of course right now-”

“You can’t go to Ace’s room!” Shanks shouts stepping in Roger’s path. He seems to realize what he is doing before rubbing the back of his head  “I- I mean you can’t right now. It’s pretty late and Ace might be asleep”

Roger frown at him “It’s seven pm.”

Shanks laughs, nose wrinkling slightly- a sure fire sign he’es lying “Well I know Ace said he would be sleeping early like around six so  we shouldn’t bother him-”

Hearing enough Roger pushed past Shanks. The redhead tried to desperate stop him but after a firm order to stand down, he let the Captain go on.

Over the years the redhead had become a sort of older brother to his son, and often Shanks knew when he was doing something risk less- like that time he’s boy snuck  out to go to a island party or that one time he ate a devil fruit on a dare- and who knows what the boy was up to this time.

Nearing Ace’s door he raised a fist to knock, pausing he heard voices through the door  “So-So I just describe how I’m touching..myself to you?”

“That’s right Ace. Tell us in full detail” A unknown voice cooed back.

“Um..okay..I’m-I’m touching” Ace’s voice was laced in nervous trembles as he talked “My thighs and-”

Roger has heard far enough “I think the fuck not!”  

He kicked the door open, to find Ace sitting in front of two den den mushi. His boy jumped from where he sat, while the den den mushi had leers on both their faces. His boy was flushed and only wearing boxers  

“Aghghhhhh! ” Ace shouted, trying to cover himself.

“Ace? Ace what’s wrong?” The snail with a top hat asked looking worried. “Did you hurt yourself? You’re not pushing yourself are you?”

The one with the droopy eyes was frowning something fierce  “If this is too much for you Ace we can just talk normally-

Roger ignored his fumbling child to go over to the sails snatching up the talk pieces to whisper into the speakers “I don’t know who you two are but I will kill you, I will hunt you down until both of your heads crack under my hands. No matter where you go, no matter who you hide behind, nowhere will be safe. You will live only long enough to fear every dark corner, every sound until the day I find you.I will drag out your deaths, till the point where you will be able to explain what purgatory is like right before the life leaves your eyes., ”

He finished his speech with a smile. Roger’s smiles were already far too bloodthirsty and ruthless sharp but this one had a more unhinge tilt to it. The sails looked appropriately horrified.

“Dad! Leave my boyfriends alone!”

“SINCE WHEN DO YOU HAVE BOYFRIENDS?!”

[jakesuit0]

The Jiggler Review

This episode starts by implying an adventure Finn and Jake just went on, rescuing Stanley the Watermelon from a burning town. Adventure Time is really good at showing Finn and Jake (and all of the characters) have lives that continue off screen. 

Stanley is not a talking or anthropomorphic watermelon. He’s just...a watermelon. And a presumably dead watermelon at that. Which is freaking hilarious, especially how Finn and Jake treat it as if its their friend. Although since this is Ooo, maybe it’s sentient. But I think it’s funnier as just a watermelon. I wish Stanley was brought back a few times. Maybe as a guest at Finn’s birthday in “Seventeen”. Or just cut to Stanley as a member of PB’s army in “Come Along With Me”.

Finn is singing in his auto-tune voice for the first time and it makes for a pretty catchy song. Besides the theme song, its the first song of the series. While this one is good, its nothing compared to the vocal tracks that are ahead. Finn swallowing a computer is a funny but dumb explanation, not that I mind! I do think it would have been cool if the series later found a clever way to retcon that joke into something cool, like they did with the backstory of the crown in “What Have You Done” and “Evergreen”, or how Jake got his powers in “The Witch’s Garden” and “Joshua and Margaret Investigations”.  But this is a less consequential piece of lore than those examples. My current headcanon is that Finn swallowed a tiny magic calculator. 

Finn and Jake stumble upon the Jiggler. His design is pretty cute! They take him home to the tree house. This is the first appearance of the tree house, and we even get a quick pan of the living room to introduce it to the Jiggler and the audience.

Finn and Jake’s dumbass side debuts here, leading to some good bits of comedy. Finn trying to get the Jiggler to eat a drawing of Jake, Jake’s horror, Finn’s attempt to eat the drawing, and finally Jake eating it and loving it is a really funny sequence. I also love that Finn has a glass eye collection and Jake has an eyepatch collection. 

Finn and Jake are too ignorant of the Jiggler’s species to care for it properly and end up fucking the poor creature up. They bring him back to his mama. The climax is okay but predictable. After Finn and Jake get the mama’s scent back onto the Jiggler, the mother recognizes him. The Jiggler returns home to his mama, with a cursed version of the waving snail. I also noticed there were music notes and hearts coming from the mother, a cartoony way of showing what is happening on screen that Adventure Time usually doesn’t go for. The episode closes with a funny Finn line, “let’s never kidnap again”. Very good moral for the kids watching at home.

This type of story is something I have seen in a lot of other cartoons. This isn’t really bad, but it makes the plot very predictable and brings nothing new to the table. I do like that, of course, Adventure Time introduces a new weird species with its own weird traits instead of a regular animal. The highlight for me is seeing Finn and Jake being dumbasses. Decent episode!

Grade: B

“We’re kidnappers and murderers!”-Finn Mertins

[swimintothesound]

Female-Fronted 2017: A Guide to This Year’s Best Music Made By Women

2017 has been regressive in more ways than I can count. Despite an oppressive political landscape and a constantly-overwhelming news cycle, it’s also been heartening to watch people band together in the face of bigotry, and hatred.

This feeling of resistance has also bled over into art. We’ve finally got a legitimately great female-led superhero movie as well as multiple strong female-centered TV shows (Orange, Veep, Kimmy Schmidt, The Mindy Project, Broad City, Take My Wife). More germane to this blog; the same shift can also be felt in this year’s music. Alongside 2017’s many excellent female-fronted albums, this past month Cardi B become the first solo female rap artist to top the Billboard charts since 1998. Whether it’s a movement or just a sign of the times, we’re witnessing an undeniable change in our culture.

Chalk it up to the political climate, toxic masculinity, or whatever term you prefer; lately I’ve been feeling “over” hyper-masculine music. Maybe it’s a byproduct of a free TIDAL subscription or seeing 20+ concerts in 12 months, but this year I’ve been exposed to a wider variety of music than ever before. Projecting myself onto machismo music has carried me far in life, and that type of music still has a place in my heart (and my iPod), but it’s been connecting with me less and less as time goes on.

I’ve also gotten away from this testosterone-fueled perspective because the alternatives feel infinitely more refreshing than an imitation of something I’ve heard a dozen times before. Even within typically-masculine genres like hip-hop, we now have people like Young Thug and Kevin Abstract who are slowly (but actively) dismantling long-entrenched negative tropes of the scene. This year I’ve found solace and comfort in these unique takes on the human perspective.

Serendipitously, 2017 also happens to be an incredible year for women in music. From vibrant radio bops to hazy bedroom indie, we’ve seen an absolute barrage of impeccable releases this year from female artists. So I wanted to highlight some of the projects that I’ve found myself coming back over and over again. These artists are making some of the freshest, most unique, and lived-in records of recent memory, so let’s take a moment to celebrate these creators and make a toast to new perspectives in art.

Julien Baker

Funnily enough, one of my favorite discoveries of 2017 turned out to be an album from 2015. I’ve already detailed my affection for Julen Baker’s Sprained Ankle in this loving write-up from earlier in the year, but in short, I’m embarrassed that it took me this long to discover it. Baker’s debut record has been lingering with me all year like a specter. I’ve read interviews, watched live performances, and my Julien Baker-related obsession will likely peak when I see her live this December.

Julien Baker has already had an eventful 2017 as she signed to Matador Records, released a haunting 7-inch, and is currently revving up to drop her Sprained Ankle follow-up Turn Out the Lights. I’m willing to admit her music has now fallen into utterly un-objective fandom territory for me, but even the three songs she’s released this year have been spectacular, and I’m fully expecting her album to worm its way onto my end-of-the-year list. Baker’s brand of somber folky slowcore has a way of hooking directly into my brain and violently wrenching on my heartstrings. I’ve already got my tissues stockpiled for her upcoming October 27th release, and I fully expect to cry in public at her concert in December.

Angel Olsen

This November singer/songwriter/guitarist Angel Olsen is treating us to a career-spanning album of loosies, B-Sides, and rarities. I’ve already expressed my love for 2016’s My Woman (which landed at #5 on my end-of-the-year list for 2016), and if Phases’ first single is any indication, we’re in for an equally-great collection of moody guitar-centered folk tracks.

Japanese Breakfast

Japanese Breakfast is the Philadelphia-based solo project of Michelle Zauner. In 2016 she released the grief-stricken 25-minute LP Psychopomp which featured a collection of tracks written in the wake of her mother’s battle with cancer. This year’s Soft Sounds From Another Planet essentially acts as an update. A group of 12 adventurous tracks that offer an honest depiction of what happens after the most important person in your life passes.

Aside from the personal update, Soft Sounds finds itself standing musically above Psychopomp thanks to improved production and added fullness of her now-honed backing band. All of these pieces come together neatly for a more fleshed-out, but less personal album than her debut. The tracks range from saxophone-laden danciness (Machinist) to Roy Orbison-esque balladry (Boyish), but Michelle’s personality shines through each and every moment, making for a hopeful space-themed journey.

Half Waif

Half Waif is the icy electronic side-project of Pinegrove’s resident keyboardist Nandi Plunkett. This year she’s found a voice speaking out against the internet (and the music industry's) inherent sexism, but Half Waif’s form/a EP is all the proof you need that she’s a musical force all her own.

Often taking a more dark and honest approach than Pinegrove’s good-spirited group-based cheeriness, Half Waif allows Plunkett to explore deeply-personal stories and exercise the demons of her past. With disarming vocals, swaying melodies, and sprawling instrumentation, form/a is one of the most unique EPs this year.

Camp Cope

Camp Cope is a trio of Melburnians creating emotionally-punchy emo rock. In 2016 they released an impeccable self-titled debut that tackled everything from relationship nostalgia to police brutality, all in a little over half an hour. It’s a record of forward momentum, and  Georgia Maq’s unmistakably Australian accent adds a unique tinge to the band’s already-memorable songs.

This year they’ve signed to Run For Cover, released a split with Cayetana, and done an Audiotree session. As they rev up for a tour, it’s unlikely we’ll get a sophomore album from them this year, but it seems like these girls are poised to segue this momentum into something really special within the next year.

Snail Mail

Out of the dozens of concerts I’ve seen this year, a select few have resonated with me deeply, and Snail Mail is one of them. The first time I’d heard of the band was minutes before they were about to take the stage as Girlpool’s second opener. I stood in the crowd, about ten feet from the mic, enjoying my beer and reserving my prime spot for the main act. As Snail Mail took the stage and played their first song, I became slowly disarmed. The singer couldn’t have been older than twenty (she wasn’t) but every song shimmered with a level of maturity and hazy emo malaise.

I found myself hanging on every word, losing track of time, and as soon as it started, it was over. Before their set ended, the bassist and drummer stood and disappeared backstage, leaving frontwoman Lindsey Jordan alone with the crowd. Illuminated by a single spotlight, it was her, a guitar, a mic, and a crowd full of silent people. She played “Anytime,” a (still-unreleased) wandering emo ballad in which she guides you, at first by hand, then by force, deeper into your own emotional rabbit hole.

To put it simply: I was awestruck. It was one of the most powerful things I’ve seen all year. The band has recreated this (to an obviously less personal degree) in their 2017 Tiny Desk performance which dropped the same day the band announced they were signing to Matador records. It’s spectacular, inspiring, and a little jealousy-inducing that this 17-year-old is achieving artistic heights that I could only dream of, but I am so glad to have been here on the ground floor. Snail Mail’s growth will only be exponential from here on out, mark my words.

Diet Cig

High kicks, pom-pom earrings, and pictures of doggos. These are just a few of the characteristics that make New York-based Diet Cig a compelling duo. Aside from an infinitely-goofy and endearing social media presence, the band puts on one of the most energetic live shows I’ve ever witnessed. Fueled by nothing but pop-punk ferocity, guitarist and singer Alex Luciano slides across the stage, jumping, kicking, and diving off equipment all while Noah Bowman lays down a steady beat on the drums.

Their 2017 debut album Swear I'm Good At This opens with a humming guitar and a heart aching delivery as Luciano details her teenage attempts to sleep with a guy that shares her name. Within a minute the album quickly whirs into top speed and remains there until its final notes. Their confetti-filled Tiny Desk session captures their on-stage charm and energy quite well and earned the band a deserved spot in a New York Times profile over the summer.  

BABY!

The emphatically-named BABY! is a Florida-based pop-punk group helmed by Kaley Honeycutt. Fittingly enough, the eternally-hair-dyed Orlandoan released her debut album Sunny, F . L., at the tail end of summer. The record is a breezy marriage of intimate bedroom pop vocals and delicate shimmering instrumentation.

Signed to ex-Japanese Breakfast’s Yellow K Records, BABY! is a prime example of killing it in a local scene. From touring the east coast to hand-making shirts and buttons, Honeycutt is an exemplar of an old-school punk DIY mentality wrapped in a sunny Floridian package.

Lorde

You’d have to have been living under a soundproof rock to have not heard Lorde’s chart-topping “Royals” back in 2013. After making waves with her (nearly-undisputed) song of the summer, she went six-times platinum and then dropped her debut album Pure Heroine, all by the age of 17. After years of touring, writing, and working on other projects, Lorde simply took some time away from the spotlight to live her life.

In 2017, four years after she first introduced herself to the world, Lorde returned to music, ready to reflect on the remainder of her teenage years. She paired up with Bleachers’ Jack Antonoff and released Melodrama, a markedly more mature and thoughtful record. This highly-anticipated sophomore album utilized real instrumentation and found Lorde grappling with a recent breakup. With 11 tracks stretched over 40 minutes, Melodrama offers a wide variety of explosive sounds centered around grounded slice-of-life stories from the worldly New Zealander. It also happens to contain some of the most infectious, ear-wormiest tracks of the year and has slowly crept up against E•MO•TION as one of my favorite pop albums of all time.

Girlpool

Often categorized as “folk punk,” Girlpool is a duo comprised of Cleo Tucker on guitar and Harmony Tividad on bass. The two swap instruments and share vocal duties, which led to the creation of their one-of-a-kind debut Before the World Was Big. This year they added a drummer, second guitarist, and released Powerplant, a more full-bodied follow-up.

The dynamic between the two remains strong as ever, and once the opening track “123” clicks into place, it’s clear the drums are there only to support our two leads. They get dark on tracks like “Soup” and eventually send the listener off smiling with “Static Somewhere.” I personally think the band lost a little bit of personality in going from just guitar and bass to adding drums, but there’s still some great charming moments on this record.

Jay Som

Melina Duterte is a 22-year-old Polyvinyl signee who first made waves in 2016 with her excellent debut Turn Into. This year, amid seemingly-constant touring, she’s already released her official follow-up Everybody Works. The album is packed with clear-eyed songs that depict a single life on an ever-shifting scale. Sometimes zooming down to interpersonal levels, other times peeling back to the cosmic scale, Everybody Works is a crystallization of Duterte as a human. The penultimate title track drills the album’s immensely-catchy title into your head, serving as the first hit of a one-two punch, followed by an epic 7-minute closer that will leave you breathless.

Courtney Barnett

Courtney Barnett is an indie rocker from Australia who charms the listener through witty self-deprecation. Her debut album, 2015’s Sometimes I Sit and Think, and Sometimes I Just Sit gained her attention for her deadpan delivery and slacker approach to writing. Sometimes I Sit is wall-to-wall memorable tracks that range in topics from biting punk to suburban settling and environmental helplessness. The album quickly became a critical darling, and Barnett earned a well-deserved spot on many end of the year lists.

This year, Courtney Barnett has released one well-received one-off single and has an upcoming collaborative album with equally-mellow pier Kurt Vile. Seeing how their slacker rock styles commingle this fall will be a treat.

Haim

After releasing one of the best pop albums of 2013, Haim has returned to shake up the musical landscape with Something to Tell You. With more of a retro sound than their debut, the three sisters pull influence from Stevie Nicks, The Eagles, and even Michael Jackson at certain points. The songs on Something to Tell You rattle on in a way that evokes an old Chevy: it’s got a little bit of dust and grit on it, but that dirt is just the countryside, there’s still a shiny hard-working body underneath it all.

Kacy Hill

G.O.O.D. Music’s resident female vocalist, Kacy Hill is a dreamy redhead with an incredible voice and a singular vision. Her 2015 EP Bloo first gave the world a taste of her offering, but this year’s Like a Woman is a sensual, slow, and occasionally violent exploration of the singer’s sexuality and what it means to be “a woman” in 2017. Alongside the album’s launch, Hill played up the sex angle with multiple steamy music videos and a pornographic parody website dirtylittleredhead.com. On Twitter, she’s just a goofy personality that seems genuinely awestruck and appreciative of her fans.

Lana Del Rey

Existing on the periphery of the pop music scene for over a decade, Lana Del Rey has steadily been making some of the most interesting pop music since 2010. Unflinchingly tackling topics like domestic abuse and drug addiction, Lana’s music is often a touch too edgy for radio play, but she’s garnered a sizeable audience since 2010 through a deft understanding of social media and several iconic breakout tracks like “Video Games.”

Her 2017 release Lust for Life finds her, for the first time ever, on the cover of her album smiling. Hair adorned with flowers, this happier Lana finds herself circling familiar topics like summer, and spontaneous beach trips, but manages to add some interesting wrinkles. Featuring guest appearances from the likes of Sean Lennon and Stevie Nicks, Lust for Life also seems to be grappling with some bigger, more existential issues like entertainment in the face of destruction and her own image. The record ends up being a nice offering of sultry, self-contained tracks that expand the world and mythos of miss Del Rey while leaving just enough to keep us hooked.

Paramore

After releasing some of the most important female-fronted emo albums of the 2000’s, Paramore could have gone anywhere. After various lineup changes, a couple monster mainstream hits, and soul-draining complicated legal battles, Hayley Williams decided to ditch the hair dye and embrace a vibrant 80’s throwback vibe. Featuring more engaging and personable songs, After Laughter is a colorful and cheery listen. Anyone paying close attention to the lyrics will quickly notice that the album’s joyful filter is simply a facade used to mask the uncomfortable personnel issues that the album tackles. Despite the lyrical bait and switch, Laughter ends up being a breezy and joyful listen, as long as you don’t spend too much time with the lyric sheet.

St. Vincent

Indie rocker and multi-instrumentalist St. Vincent has too much on her mind. The other-worldly guitar-player won a Grammy in 2014 for her excellent self-titled album that saw her assume the role of a “near-future cult leader.” St. Vincent (whose real name is Annie Clark) has been relatively quiet in the years since her last record, but in the lead-up to her upcoming Masseducation, Clark has rebranded herself as a straight-haired, plastic sex symbol. Perhaps pulling from her stint as a horror director early in the year, St. Vincent’s forthcoming album seems poised to dismantle institutions and send her on a years-long tour.

SZA

Much like Kacy Hill, SZA is the resident female artist of California-based Top Dawg Entertainment. Since 2012 she’s been releasing a string of quality PR&B mixtapes, gradually building a fanbase and expectations for her full-length debut. Featuring Blonde-esque instrumentation and more relationship strife than you can shake a stick at, SZA’s Ctrl is a bright, sexy, and honest portrait of a 20-something who just can’t seem to get things right but has all the best intentions.

Taylor Swift

Controversy seems to follow Taylor Swift around like the Coppertone dog. After a highly-publicized lawsuit, an exposing series of Snapchats, and too many beefs to count, the undisputed queen of pop is back with… something. Forecasted by a social media wipe and “dark” rebranding Reputation sees Swift at her most aggressive to date. Seemingly out for blood, this new sound springboards off her 1989 full-pop sound, updating things to be a little bit more modern. While I found “Look What You Made Me Do” to be an initially repulsive song, the video helps add a much-needed layer of context and rich visuals that make the song better retroactively. Whether it’s good or not, Reputation is bound to be one of the biggest and most-talked-about albums of the year, and will undoubtedly dictate Swift’s place in the pop culture landscape for years to come.

Tiger’s Jaw

After the departure of every other band member, pop-punk iconoclasts Ben Walsh and Brianna Collins have returned with Spin, a record proving that they still have much to say. While Tiger’s Jaw is primarily sung from the perspective of Ben, “June” marks the first entirely-Brianna-helmed track in the band’s discography. The song provides a nice sunny break in an otherwise homogeneous and similar-sounding record and earned the band some well-deserved attention after a few years away from the spotlight.

Carly Rae Jepsen

Taylor Swift may be the reigning queen of pop, but for my money, Carly Rae Jepsen should be the one on that throne. As we all remember, in 2012 each member of the human race was forced to listen to “Call Me Maybe” at gunpoint, and thanks to the song’s oversaturation many listeners came to either actively disliked Jepsen or assumed she was a one-hit-wonder. 2015’s E•MO•TION was a critical success and a commercial failure, but to this day remains one of the best pop albums ever recorded. Lovingly detailed in Max Landis’ 150-page dissertation, CRJ is an artist of darkness and surprising depth. After expelling the rest of the E•MO•TION-era work with a B-sides album, Jepsen dropped a single early in the year that snatched wigs the world over. The fact that a single song invigorated me this much and made such relative waves only excited me more for her next album. Hopefully this time the world sees the light and comes back around to the Canadian goddess because she deserves to be listed up there with the greats.

Phoebe Bridgers

Finally, for the sake of some kind of bookending, Phoebe Bridgers is an LA-based indie folk artist much akin to Julien Baker. Despite a disarmingly-goofy social media presence, Bridgers’ Big Lebowski-referencing debut Stranger in the Alps is a heart-breaking, foggy, first-person recounting of individual experiences. The album has already received co-signs from Hayley Williams, Tiger’s Jaw, Julien Baker, Best Coast, Dan Campbell, and Grimes. She’s currently tearing it up on a tour War on Drugs, but I expect this album to show up on a good number of end of the year lists. If you want to hear a unique collection of stories on heartbreak, you’d be hard-pressed to do better than Stranger.

Additional Artists

This ended up being way longer than I originally intended, but the above albums are some of my favorites this year. There have also been some other great releases this year that I just don’t have the time, knowledge, or words to detail as lovingly as the ones above, so for the sake of keeping this relatively brief, here’s a quick-hit version of some other kickass female artists who dropped some great albums this year.

• Beach House: The dream pop duo follow up their excellent 2015 releases with a collection of equally-listless B-Sides and Rarities.

• Feist: After a fluke pop megahit in 2007, Feist hits a new artistic peak with the guitar-drenched Pleasure.

• Cayetana: The self-described “boisterous Philadelphians” released a sophomore album of 12 punchy rock tracks.

• Banks: After an alarmingly-sexy 2014 debut, Banks seems to be ramping up to a new album after dropping two steamy singles this year.

• Jetty Bones: Clearly-delivered indie rock that transparently showcases the struggles of one person’s life.

• Mannequin Pussy: The band revisits their blistering 2016 breakthrough album in an explosive 14-minute Audiotree Session.

• The Japanese House: On her fourth EP as Japanese House, Amber Bain serves up four hypnotic synth-drenched love songs.

• Daddy Issues: Grunge isn’t dead, it’s just been lying dormant until bands like Daddy Issues arrived to bring it back to life.

• Who Is She?: A Seattle-based supergroup consisting of members from Lisa Prank, Chastity Belt, and Tacocat who combine powers to create infectious pop-punk songs dripping with 2000’s-era nostalgia.

• Torres: Three Futures is a mature and careful album that finds Mackenzie Scott at the helm, steering the ship more sure of herself than ever.

• Charly Bliss: On Guppy Charly Bliss is a charming mess of broken humanity featuring the unmistakable vocal stylings of Eva Hendricks.

• Alvvays: The antisocial Canadian indie group utilizes fuzzed-out instrumentals and rich layering to create an enchanting and memorable indie experience.

• Small Circle: backed by three members of Sorority Noise, this Marissa D’elia-fronted emo supergroup effortlessly created one of the years most hard-hitting and emotionally-impactful albums.

• Marika Hackman: I’m Not Your Man begins with the welcoming sound of laughter and immediately launches into a tale of infidelity. The rest unfolds from there.

• Sheer Mag: This summer, the jangly and soulful rock group finally unleashed their long-awaited full-length Need to Feel Your Love.

And

There you have it. You take the good with the bad, and for all that 2017 has taken from us, it’s amazing to see artists and creators like the ones above adding some beauty to the world. Theirs is a perspective that’s sought, appreciated, loved, and needed now more than ever.

[advocatewrites-blog]

Into the Unknown Part 1 Chapter 1

Into the Unknown

Genre: Fantasy, Hurt/Comfort, Adventure, Horror

Fandom: Undertale, Coraline (book), Over the Garden Wall, Paranorman, Gravity Falls (season 2)

Played as: Straight

Style: Adaptation Divergence

Synopsis: 7 human souls to break the barrier. 7 humans who travel through the wood. And perhaps all of them are necessary this time.

Characters: Frisk, Norman B., Dipper P., Mabel P., Coraline J., Wirt, Greg, the Cat, the Frog; Sans, Toriel, Papyrus, Undyne, Alphys, Asgore,; the Other Mother, the Beast, Agatha P., Bill Cipher, Asriel D., Chara D.,

Pairings: Not the focus. Alphys/Undyne, with mentions of Papyrus/Mettaton, sans/Toriel/Asgore, and Wirt/Sara. Due to the nature of Undertale and the dating segments, there is also interpretable Papyrus/Wirt, Undyne/Mabel, Alphys/Dipper, Napstablook/Norman, Mettaton/Norman, Mettaton/Mabel, Sans/Dipper, Sans/Norman, and Sans/Greg.

Rated a high +K for violence, mild language, horrific elements that may be disturbing to younger readers,  mentions of child abuse and bullying, character death that is sometimes permanent, and mentions of suicide that may be triggering. These elements remain relatively unchanged from their source material, which most all are for children, but discretion is advised nonetheless.

Disclaimer: Undertale was created and owned by Toby Fox. Coraline was created by Neil Gaiman and owned by Bloomsbury and Laika. Over the Garden Wall was created by Patrick McHale and owned by Cartoon Network. Paranorman was created by Sam Fell and Chris Butler and owned by Laika. Gravity Falls was created by Alex Hirsch and owned by Disney. Any other work mentioned or homage are property of their respective owners. This is a fan-made, nonprofit work that only seeks to entertain. Please support the original franchises.  

Next Chapter

“it's a beautiful day outside. birds are singing, flowers are blooming...on days like this, kids like you…

Should be burning in hell.”

In the back of their mind—because that was all they really could do at the moment—Frisk wondered if sans rehearsed that speech. Either way, he said it the same way nearly every time. It was only when he tried to catch them off guard did he stop halfway, fire a Gaster-Blaster at them before they would expect it. Back before this happened, back when they could go to Grillby's and be friends, sans mentioned that he didn't actually have much memory of the timeloops. His knowledge came from notebooks and journals meticulously kept for someone so lazy. What memories he had came through nightmares.

In a way, Frisk envied him.

The battle started. Frisk felt their sins crawling along their back. The body moved forward, the soul dodging every attack as best it could, all without Frisk's thought or input. Neither had been Frisk's for a very long time.

sans had stopped his attack. He still dodged theirs, but didn't move otherwise. Sweat poured from his forehead, especially surprising since he didn't have skin cells.

“uh. hey. you really like swinging that thing around, huh?” The skeleton said. The attack stopped, if only for a second. “listen. friendship. it's really great, huh? let's quit fighting.”

sans was sparing them.

And Frisk so desperately wanted to accept it. Find a way to restart everything from the beginning and be especially good. Their body, however, wasn't listening.

After all that, you still think you're in control?

Something wet was moving on their face. Blood, Frisk reckoned. It couldn't have been their tears if their body wasn't theirs anymore.

sans dodged the slash of the knife.

“well. it was worth a shot, anyway.”

Their soul collided with another attack, and ripped in half.

Game Over

“if we're really friends, you won't come back.”

He was probably right.

* Reset

One is a Bird An Undertale/Coraline crossover fanfiction By the Poor Sap Advocate

Chapter 1

When Coraline woke up, she had no idea where she was.

It took her a minute to pull herself off of the cold earth and think back. She had been exploring the new apartments, she remembered that much. Her Dousing Staff had only led her to an old empty well…

She then realized just how dark it was. Her eyes ran to the only source of sunlight in the room: above. She had fallen, she realized. She had fallen down that well, and still survived. A pang of worry echoed in the back of her mind, but she couldn’t quite figure out why. This would be a much better place to explore! Perhaps down here she could find something actual of worth, like mice that actually sang and danced, or a talking cat, or…

A golden flower, looking at her with a very confused expression.

“Huh.” The flower said. “I honestly wasn’t expecting that.”

“Wasn’t expecting what?” Coraline asked, equal parts confused and offended.

The flower’s expression changed, as if it thought of something. “Oh, nothing. You’re new to the Underground, aren’t ya? Well, how about I teach you how things work around here?”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, let me show ya!”

The world flickered, like a candle. Coraline’s attention fell to the orange heart hovering in front of her.

“That’s your SOUL!” The flower said. “It’s the very culmination of your being. It can grow strong if you gain a lot of LV.”

“LV?” Coraline repeated.

“Love!” The flower said, as if he weren’t quite sure himself.

A group of white seeds hovered around the flower. “Monsters can share love with you with these…little white friendliness pellets! So go ahead! Catch as many as you can!”

“Wow. You’re just as dumb as they were.” The flower spoke again.

More pellets surrounded Coraline’s SOUL.

“DIE.”

The flower’s laughter stopped abruptly. Coraline looked up from her Soul, no longer surrounded in white. She looked up further, where she saw a figure.

“My, what a loathsome creature, torturing a poor, innocent youth…”

When Frisk woke up, they had no idea where they were.

It took them a minute to realize that their body was theirs, and they could get up whenever they wanted. When they did, they noticed the room wasn’t one they recognized. It wasn’t the Judgement Hall, like they had feared. It wasn’t the entrance to the Underground, like they had hoped. It was a bedroom, and it looked a lot like Toriel’s.

Remembering what happened to Toriel the last time they had met sent a wave of nausea over Frisk. They reached for a SAVE file.

Nothing happened.

Had they ever Saved in Toriel’s house? They couldn’t quite remember. Frisk had never stayed around in Toriel’s house long enough.

This wasn’t Toriel’s house. It looked a lot like it, but it wasn’t quite right. There was no basket full of shoes that had not been worn for ages. The toys lacked the layer of dust, like they had been used recently. Smells of butterscotch and cinnamon and fire magic didn’t hover in the air.

Something was wrong.

Frisk bolted from the room and rushed to where they knew Toriel would be. Her reading chair. She was always in her reading chair, no matter what timeline Frisk found themselves in.

They found Toriel in the kitchen.

It was Toriel, unmistakably. The same white fur, if a little brighter, the same purple tunic, if a bit nicer-kept, and the same motherly aura about her. Yet she was different. Her Soul, Frisk realized, was different. They didn’t quite know how, or even how they knew; the first time they had ever analyzed a Soul was when they first entered the Underground, and things haven’t changed much since then.

When she turned around from the stove, Frisk realized the biggest different. Two, black button eyes.

“Hello my child,” She spoke. “Did you sleep okay?”

Frisk fought to keep a straight face. Their hands shook as they signed, though that was often the case. They weren’t sure if they had signed that correctly, or even if it was spelled correctly. They had never thought of a nickname for Toriel that was easier to sign, and now they weren’t sure if they were allowed to.

The thing that was not Toriel’s face contorted, for just a second, into confusion. Frisk recognized the face easily. Few people they spoke to knew sign language. Even less would sign back to them. Toriel was the first, and one of the only.

“Oh. I’m the Other Toriel, my child.” She said. She didn’t sign back. Once Toriel figured it out, they would always sign as they spoke.

“Everyone has an other mother,” the Other Toriel continued. “I thought this form would be more…acceptable to you.”

That one was true, at least. Frisk may have never thought of Toriel as their mother (only once. They wouldn’t let themselves do it again.), but even Jerry was preferable to their real mother. If this other Toriel had thought that far ahead, then perhaps they were nice?

“Now then, why don’t you go wash up and find your other father, so we can have dinner?” the Other Toriel said as she worked on carving the pie. “It’s been a long time since you’ve had a proper meal, hasn’t it?”

Toriel was married? This Toriel was married? Frisk had never seen another person in the house…or really anyone Toriel interacted that wasn’t sans. But the idea of a proper meal, especially one that wasn’t made of dust and magic, was too pleasing for Frisk to turn down.

Frisk poked their head over the Other Toriel’s shoulder, just quick enough to see what the pie was made of.

Butterscotch-Cinnamon Pie

At least it isn’t snails. Does not heal, but is part of a balanced breakfast.

Even when they were at their worst, Toriel’s pie always healed. They wondered if the Other Toriel just didn’t get the recipe right

The figure in front of Coraline looked equal parts goat and equal parts human, standing on two feet yet covered in white fur. Despite her rather impressive size, the sharpness of her teeth, and the two horns on her head, she seemed to be doing everything in her power to appear non-threatening.

“Do not be afraid, child. I am Toriel, the caretaker of these Ruins.” She spoke.

Toriel bent down and offered Coraline a hand. Coraline took it, if only to pull herself back up.

“I come through these Ruins every day to see if anyone has fallen down.” Toriel continued. “You are the first human to come down here in a long time. Allow me to guide you through the catacombs.”

If she held onto Toriel’s hand a little longer, she didn’t realize. And Toriel didn’t let go until Coraline did.

Frisk found the Other Toriel’s husband outside the house. He was a large goat-like monster like she was, with bigger horns on his head, a wilder mane, and a rather well-kept beard. He even wore a similar tunic to Toriel’s, but for some reason Frisk couldn’t understand, it looked out of place on him. Like the Other Toriel, his eyes were big black buttons, carefully sewn in.

But what Frisk noticed first was the garden. Outside of Toriel’s house was rather dry, with only one old tree where the leaves fell off the second they could grow. Here, the ground was nearly covered in lush greens, with only a walkway of stone to interrupt it. Flowers blossomed from every corner of the yard; bright blues and deep reds. The tree was ripe with flowers of all sorts, yet there were still plenty of fall leaves around it that Frisk could jump into if they choose to. And there was sky, dark and covered in stars.

No golden flowers were in the garden, although the real Underground was full of them. Frisk wondered if that was intentional.

“Is someone there?” The other monster asked. “Just a moment. I have to finish watering these flowers…Here we are!”

He stood and turned to them. He towered over the child, but they weren’t intimidated. Rather, they were curious. He looked familiar, in a way that Frisk couldn’t describe. They had seen him before, but not in a Reset. And if it wasn’t a Reset, they had no idea where else he could have come from. The phrase “Mr. Dad Guy” entered their mind, but they had no idea why.

“Howdy!” Mr. Dad Guy said. “How may I help you, little one?”

Frisk signed to tell him breakfast was ready. A similar strain of confusion entered the other’s face as he interpreted the signs, but it passed just as quickly as it had with the Other Toriel.

“Let us not keep her waiting then, shall we?” said Mr. Dad Guy.

Mr. Dad Guy walked Frisk back through the house and to a dinner table that Frisk was sure was never in Toriel’s house. Toriel rarely had other people she could eat with, they realized. They had never eaten with Toriel. Pie had always been left in the room when they slept but that was not a meal and it was not eaten with her.

Maybe the Other Toriel realized this, and that’s why the table was piled with more food than Frisk thought one could make. A golden-roasted chicken, fried potatoes, tiny green peas. Spaghetti covered in a sauce of finely smashed tomatoes, greasy burgers and fries that smelled like Grillby’s, instant noodles, a three-tier cake with Welcome Home! written in icing cursive. Small cars moved along the table, depositing gravy for the meats and ketchup for the burgs. A butterscotch-cinnamon pie sitting at the center of it.

“Aren’t you going to eat, young one?” Mr. Dad Guy asked.

With all the Resets, Frisk had forgotten the last time they had a meal of human food. They had forgotten a long time ago what it was like when that food was freely given. They shoveled as much food as they could into their mouth.

“We have been waiting for you for a long time,” the Other Toriel said. “It wasn’t the same without you. But we knew you would come home one day. Perhaps tomorrow you can help your father in the garden. Or I can show you my favorite bug-hunting spot. I can even prepare a curriculum for your education.”

In the end, Toriel didn’t guide Coraline through the entirety of the Ruins. She left her someplace safe, where she could wait while she ran errands. Coraline, however, decided to explore herself. She met Vegetoids and Migosps and a whole variety of creatures she could have never thought of. She bought donuts from a bake sale run by spiders. She would talk to Froggits and Moldsmals, and though they rarely moved beyond hip-wiggling and ribbiting, they were quite meaningful.

She explored the Ruins until she came across a tree where leaves dried off as soon as they grew, and behind that, a house. Seeing such a cute, tidy house in the middle of the Ruins filled Coraline with something, but she wasn’t sure quite was.

She didn’t think of getting closer until she saw Toriel exit, a bag of groceries in her paws.

“My child!” said Toriel. “Did you walk all the way here?”

“It wasn’t too bad,” said Coraline. “I had to do battle with a ghost, but it was okay because I complimented their hat and they let me go.”

The best part of saying that was that Coraline was not making any of that up. The second best part was, though she looked annoyed for just a second at the prospect of anyone fighting Coraline, Toriel laughed and smiled and believed her. Her mother never did any of that no matter what kind of story Coraline told. She usually just shrugged her off and told her to do chores.

It was the first time in her time in the Underground that Coraline thought of her mother.

Toriel lead Coraline through the house. She showed her a room she could stay the night in. They had butterscotch cinnamon pie for dinner. Coraline read through old books of monster history until she realized all textbooks were rather dry.

But then Coraline had to think realistically. She had to get back to the Pink Palace.

“Thank you for everything, Miss Toriel, but I really need to get back home,” Coraline said. “How do I leave the Ruins?”

Toriel grew quiet. With her paws shaking, she removed her reading glasses and rose from her chair.

“I’m afraid there is something I must do, little one. Please wait here.”

She left, and then Coraline grew nervous. She followed Toriel, down the stairs of the house and into a dark corridor that didn’t look at all like the tidy home. When she found Toriel, it was in front of a large door.

“You truly wish to return home, do you not?” Toriel asked. “Ahead of us is the exit to the Ruins. And I am going to destroy it. No one will be able to leave again. Now run upstairs.”

“I have to get home! To my real mom and dad!” said Coraline.

“You are just like the others. You come. You leave. You’ll die. He…ASGORE…will find you. I am only doing this to protect you.”

“I can defend myself. I want to get home.”

“Then prove it. Prove you’re strong enough to survive.”

A FIGHT broke out. Toriel blocks the way.

Coraline grew used to the feeling of her Soul leaving her body. However, she was not used to the feeling of monster bullets hurdling towards her. It did not help that Toriel’s bullets were flames, raging with heat as they passed and singing her jacket and Soul as they hit.

Yet Coraline stayed determined. She was perhaps not the best at dodging, but the FIGHTS with the other monsters of the Ruins had prepared her well. It was no different than her father moving around the hornets. She ran through the flames, letting her jacket take what she couldn’t allow her Soul to hit.

“Why are you fighting me?” Coraline asked. “I thought you wanted me to stay safe!”

“I do,” said Toriel. “This is what’s best for you!”

“You think trying to kill me is what’s best for me? How is that different than those monsters you want to protect me from! How is that different than Asgore!”

The flames returned, tenfold. Coraline couldn’t dodge them all.

As she pulled herself off the floor, she looked through Toriel. She looked shocked at her own power, eyes wide and paw covering her mouth.

“Do not compare me to him,” said Toriel. “Just fight already.”

Coraline stood up, but did not move.

“I know you want to go home…but you must understand. I cannot lose another.”

Toriel went down to the entrance of the Underground every day. How many children, Coraline realized, has she seen fall down? How many of them could she not save? How long was it before the last one left?

“Stop looking at me like that,” Toriel said.

She couldn’t.

“Pathetic, is it not? I cannot save even a single child.”

“Their deaths aren’t your fault,” said Coraline. “And keeping me here won’t solve anything.”

“I understand. The Ruins are very small, once you get used to them,” said Toriel. “My expectations, my loneliness, my fear…for you, I shall put them aside.”

The FIGHT ended.

“If you truly wish to leave the Ruins, I will not stop you,” Toriel continued. “But please, do not come back. I hope you understand.”

Coraline had no idea what to say about any of this. About the mother in mourning, about respecting someone who attacked her, about having to travel through the world of monsters alone. So she settled for “I did mean it. Thank you for everything you’ve done.” and walked through the door.

Author’s Note: So there are about 3 games that I trust any let’s player to play well, and I watch a lot of let’s players. Until Dawn, Pony Island…and Undertale. I’ve watched a lot of Undertale playthoughs. I really enjoy this game, or at least most of it. I wanted to write an Undertale crossover fic, and then I realized I wanted to write a lot of them. And then I realized that any Undertale crossover is inherently the same, or at least the way I wanted to write it, so I decided to make all of them into one mega-fic.

This is a bit of an unusual experience for me, considering that at the time of this posting, I am not finished with the complete fic yet. I do not do this, usually. Everything you see has been ordered, signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public enquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters. But I decided that I wanted to post more. Hopefully this pays out and I won’t have to skip a few weeks.

So welcome to Into the Unknown.

[thetrippingfriends-blog]

IAT 313 Deliverable #5: Script Dialogue

THE TRIPPING FRIENDS

CHARACTERS:

- Birdy (Protagonist)

- Flipsy

- Tinko

- Ollie

- Sanny

- Momo

GAME BEGINNING DIALOGUE

Started off with a short series of illustrations of the story and looking into some introductions of the characters in the stories. Now get ready to look for some clues in the adventure.

Cut in:

Birdy wakes up with blurry vision. He is awake in a strange place, with seemingly no memories of his past or his whereabouts.

Birdy

“Hmm.. Where am I ?”

“This place is so strange. I don’t understand why am I here? Wait…”

Birdy can’t remember anything and starts to panic, and suddenly finds a map beside him. He picks it up and look for the way to get out this place.

CHOICES

Go to forest

2. Go to mushroom House

If Birdy decides to go to Strange Forest.

STRANGE FOREST

On the way to the forest,  there is a strange creature (Flipsy) approaches him from the distance. Before Birdy has the chance to talk to Flipsy, Flipsy gestures him to follow her.

(SOUND: ambient, SFX)

CHOICES

1. Venture off alone

2. Follow Flipsy through the forest

1st Choice: Choose To Venture Off Alone

Birdy

“This forest is enormous, this place looks familiar but I don’t think I’ve been here before. I think I am a little bit lost. I hope I can find a way out soon.”

(SOUND: ambient, SFX of walking sound/ crushed dry leaves)

Birdy hangs around in the forest and accidentally steps on a rock then sees the monkey. Birdy

“Hey, do you know where this place is?”

Monkey

“….hehehehehe”

Birdy( asks again)

“Heeeyyyy, do you know where this place is?”

Monkey

“….hehehehehe”

Birdy gets angry and throws the rock to the monkey; monkey dead body falls on the trap,yet birdy does not notice it. He keeps going forward to find others for help.

Scene cut in to Mushroom House

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2nd Choice : Choose to Follow Flipsy

Birdy

“Err.. Hi, my name is Birdy. May I know where are you bringing me to?”

Flipsy

“HEHEHE, HI ! I am Flipsy! Just follow me and you’ll find out!”

They saw a trap, Alert! Alert!

CHOICES :

1. Push Flipsy to the trap and walk over on Flipsy’s dead body

2. Hit the monkey down with a rock and walk over the trap with monkey’s dead body

3. Knock down the tree with an axe and build a bridge to go through the trap

If Birdy chooses A :

Birdy had a glimpse of Flipsy, his internal activity:

Birdy

“She is having something in her mind too.

I should get rid of her before she gets me.”

Birdy secretly put his hand at Flipsy’s back, and he pushed her with all his strength. Flipsy screamed because she is shocked by the force that came from her back, and she fell right into the trap. Her bones were crashed.

Birdy then has a smile on his face, he succeeded. Birdy continues walking and decided to break into the Mushroom House ahead.

If Birdy chooses B :

Flipsy

“Look! There is a rock!”

Birdy

“Right! We can use it to… “ [interrupted by Flipsy]

Flipsy

“Shhh…[Volume down] just go for it

Don’t let the monkey hear you!”

Birdy quickly picked up the rock from the ground when the monkey was unaware. He aimed the target with his eye and threw the rock hard. The monkey was hit by the rock, it dropped from the tree and fell into the trap. Birdy and Flipsy looked at each other simultaneously, they both grinned and stepped on the dead body of monkey’s with satisfaction. But Flipsy runs into the wood and soon out of Birdy’s sight.

If Birdy chooses C :

Fipsy

“What should we do now?”

Birdy

“Let’s look for something useful.”

Fipsy

“I see something shiny in the underbrush.”

Birdy

 “Ah-ha find one.”

Fipsy and Birdy walk toward the object. Birdy picked up the axe from the underbrush and try to knock down the trees that are nearby the trap and traverse it successfully. Flipsy suddenly runs so far ahead and disappeared that Birdy could not have a chance to ask why.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Continue on Choice A,

Birdy sneaked into the rear door of Mushroom House

Birdy

“Hello? Anybody is home?”

Nobody answers, but he smells some scent from somewhere in the house, he sniffed around, where he found the heaviest smell is came from a wooden box at the corner. He opened it instantly and saw no treasures but a dead body. He felt disappointed and slammed the box lid harsh.

Birdy

“Holy smoke! Who would hide a body like this? I thought it was treasure.

Birdy complained while turning around to see if there anything particular in the house, he saw there is a castle from the window.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If Birdy chooses choices B and C, he will see the Flipsy dead body hanging in front of the Mushroom House at the Happy Village. If Birdy chooses A, he will meet Tinko first at the Happy Village.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If Birdy decides to come to Happy Village at the begging of the game

HAPPY VILLAGE (Mushroom House)

1st Choice: Choose To Venture Off Alone

(SOUND: ambient, birds singing sound effect)

Birdy

“Woo~ There is a house over there, maybe I can go to ask them for help. ”

On the way to Mushroom House when Birdy crosses the bridge, he sees a dead body hanging on the tree. He walks closer and tries to keep his eyes focus because he is afraid that the murderer is still around here. Suddenly, Tinko appears in front of the Mushroom House. Birdy tries to stay calm and looks for a weapon to defend himself.

CHOICES:

1. Picks up the axe that is stuck in a tree stump and kills Tinko

2. Walks to Tinko and tries to be brave

If Birdy chooses A,

Birdy quickly runs to the axe, and starts hacking him apart.

(SOUND:Tinko’s screaming sound)

He goes into the house to find some food to eat, then he sees a photo beside a box. He decides to keep it with him and follow the map to go to the castle.

If Birdy chooses B,

Birdy

“Hey, do you know where this is?” [shaky voice]

As Birdy begins to talk with Tinko, Tinko rushes into the Mushroom House. Birdy goes into the house to find him.

[Location: In the Mushroom House]

Birdy sees a box at the corner of the room, and wonder that what that is. He decides to open it and sees the dead body of Tinko. Birdy is shocked because Tinko was still alive a few seconds ago. Then, he saw a photo beside the box and decided to keep it with him as a clue and follow the map to go to the castle.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2nd Choice: Choose To Follow Flipsy

Flipsy is leading Birdy out from the woods to a small mushroom sized cabin near the end of the forest. As they are walking, Birdy thinks it is best to get to know each other, to be sure that he is following the right person.

(SOUND: crushed dry leaves/ walking on grass)

Birdy

“Err.. Hi, my name is Birdy. May I know where are you bringing me to?”

Flipsy

“HEHEHE, HI ! I am Flipsy! Just follow me and you’ll find out!”

Birdy walks with Flipsy to a mushroom shaped house where a snail-turtle like creature is standing outside.

[Flipsy excitedly waves at Tinko and runs toward him, Birdy follows her to the creature as he seems friendly]

(SOUND: running sound/ fast pace, ambient woods sound as Background music)

Flipsy

“Hi Tinko! I brought a friend, his name is Birdy. Say hi! Say hi! Say hi! Say hi to Birdy, Tinko!”

[Tinko look at Birdy and smile]

Tinko

“Well hi there Birdy, I am Tinko. As you can see, grey clouds have appeared in our village and that is never a good sign.”

Birdy

“Yes, I have noticed that. What happened ? Where are we?”

[Tinko smile but looks concern and invite him to dine in with him inside his house]

Tinko

“We are in Happy Valley! There is something bad going on in the castle up on the hill, it is best to discuss inside, please come in for some hot soup I have made.”

Flipsy

“Did someone say food? YES YES YES! My tummy has been growling.. Let’s go in to get some foodie in our belly.”

[Birdy thinks for a while, he feels hungry but at the same time, he doesn’t want to waste time]

CHOICES:

1. Accept the invitation and go to the Mushroom House for some food.

2. Declined the invitation and heads to the castle alone.

INSIDE THE MUSHROOM HOUSE

1st  Choice : Accept Invitation and Follow Tinko Into The Mushroom House

Birdy and Flipsy are invited to have food inside Tinko’s place, they are to be seated in the dining table. Tinko is preparing the food, while Birdy is sitting at the dining table and Flipsy, being herself, walking around the small area.

(SOUND: door closing after they go in, sound of dishes and plates for the prep)

Tinko

“So tell me Birdy, what brings you here to the woods?”

Birdy

“Well, to be honest with you, I just woke up in the woods a few minutes before I met Flipsy here.”

[Flipsy getting all excited replied]

Flipsy

“That is true, I was just on my way to here and I found him lying on the ground, HEE HEE HEE.”

[Flipsy continues her positive spirit and scouting around Tinko’s place]

Birdy

“So what is about the castle up on the hill?”

[while preparing the soup and food, Tinko is telling Birdy about the problems the village is facing now]

Tinko

“Ahh yes, about that…”

[disturbed by Flipsy]

Flipsy

“Our friend Sanny has gone furious with Momo, she has gone outrage!”

[Flipsy looked upset, Tinko continues while serving the food]

Tinko

“Yes, Sanny… she is our friend, we had an argument earlier and she was very upset. You see... Sanny had an accident when she was young, her mother tried to drown her and causing a brain damage which made her highly sensitive. The argument urged her to join Momo, one of the evil ones, in planning to take over the village, that is why many of us are in hiding for our safety.”

(SOUND: eating and plates clingy, soup drinking sound)

[Birdy looks confused, but still listening while slowly drinking the soup with a spoon]

Birdy

“I don’t understand, isn’t she your friend? Can’t you guys talk some sense to her?”

[dialogue continues on the dining table while everyone is eating while talking]

Flipsy

“Oh we tried, she just wouldn’t listen. But we know that she will stop all of these nonsense if all of us go and talk to her… and by all, I mean…”

[disturbed by Tinko]

Tinko

“Well I’m not going…”

Flipsy

“But Tinko! She is our friend! We have to go.”

[Tinko looking down to his soup and drink as fast as he can]

Tinko

“I’ll stay...”

Birdy

“I’m sorry to interrupt here, but I think we all should go.”

[Tinko raises his head with a surprised expression]

Tinko

“And why would you want to go there?”

[Birdy looking confused with no right answer for himself too..]

Birdy

“I just want to get some answer… for myself.”

[Flipsy looks both of them excitedly]

Flipsy

“YAY!! We are going on an adventure!”

Tinko

“And what made you guys think that I will be joining?”

Flipsy

“Come on.. You are the brain here, Professor Tinko.”

Birdy

[confused and shocked] “Professor? What do you mean by that? Somebody please explain here, I am lost.”

Tinko

[shaking his head] “What Flipsy meant is that I am a researcher who studies in amnesia..”

Birdy

[still confused] “Why amnesia? If you don’t mind me asking...”

Tinko

“Amnesia runs in my family, nobody knows it until my grandfather had it. He was having trouble to remember, and I thought that was just an “old person” thing, until I see the suffers he’s been through. That’s when I decided to look into this decease, trying to find a cure for him, then I realised, it runs in the family, sooner or later, my parents will grow old and have them too, same goes to me and my siblings. That is what I am now, a researcher constantly finding a cure for amnesia, it made me the Tinko I am today.”

[Tinko slowly gets up and clears the table]

(SOUND: sound of pushing the chair and clearing tables)

[Birdy was shrugged for a moment, didn’t know what to say]

Birdy

“... … I respect your work, and I think what you are doing is very kind, it is nice of you to do this for your family, but a cure for amnesia.. is very rare.”

Tinko

“I believed there is a cure, I just haven’t find it yet.. And I am not giving up that easily.”

[after putting the dishes away and cleaning herself up]

Flipsy

“Then we shouldn’t give up on Sanny that easily too. We should go and talk some sense to her, I believe she will turn over a new leaf.”

[Tinko caught silent for a while, thinking about what Flipsy had just said]

Tinko

“... you are right Flipsy, we shouldn’t give up on her that easily. We should go and talk to her, she needs us.”

Flipsy & Birdy

[both in shocked and excited] “REALLY?”

Tinko

“Yes! Let’s go! But let me pack up some food for us along the way”

Flipsy & Birdy

[excitedly] “HOORAYYYYY!!!”

[Tinko starts to pack up some food and supplies for the journey, he even brings his journal and research notebooks for some useful knowledge, both Birdy and Flipsy get ready and they left the house to venture out of the woods and make their way up to the castle on the hill]

OUTSIDE THE MUSHROOM HOUSE

2nd Choice: Declined Invitation and Heads To Castle Alone

Birdy sees Flipsy’s dead body hanging on the tree brutally, meanwhile, Tinko suddenly appears in front of the mushroom house. Such a coincidence makes Birdy suspects Tinko is the murderer.

CHOICE:

A.    Kill Tinko

B.    Act like nothing happens

Birdy

“Who are you?! What is this place?” [Birdy sounds nervous because of the scare]

Tinko

“I’m Tinko, Birdy what’s wrong with you?” [Tinko speaks slowly and steady]

Birdy

“I’m just passing by. Wait, you know my name?”

Tinko

“Of course, I know your name. Flipsy’s here too, didn’t you see her?” [Tinko looks straight at Birdy]

Birdy

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to trespass, but the body, it’s disgusting! Did you…”

Birdy didn’t finish his sentence because he feels uncomfortable because of the dead body.

Tinko

“No, Flipsy? No, I didn’t do it, if that’s what you wondered.”

Birdy

“That’s Flipsy? And you know her too?” [Birdy almost screams but he tries to calm down]

If Birdy chooses A,

Birdy suspects Tinko murders Flipsy and he is afraid that Tinko will kill him too. He looks around and notices an axe in a tree stump. He pulls out the axe, runs up to Tinko and starts to hack him apart.

Tinko

“Stop! Please stop! Ahhhh!” [Tinko begs]

Tinko is dead. Birdy throws away the axe, and runs pass Tinko’s house and goes straight to the castle which locates nearby.

If Birdy chooses B,

“Calm down big boy, I didn’t kill Flipsy. Do you see the castle over there?” [Tinko points at the castle which is not too far away]

Birdy

“What is that place, it looks like hunted.”

Tinko

“It is, kind of. You see, I don’t know what happened to Flipsy, but I think it has something to do with the ghost castle. Is that where you headed to?”

Birdy

“Well, not anymore.”

Tinko

“I have a telescope that you can use to take a look at the castle, here, go see yourself.”

Birdy

“Okay, I’ll take a look.”

Birdy uses Tinko’s telescope to take a look at the castle. Birdy notices that Tinko is missing.

If the decision is to look for Tinko:

“What an organized house！”[Birdy compliments Tinko’s house]

Birdy enters the mushroom-shaped house and looks for Tinko. He sees a box on the ground.

If the decision is to open the box:  

“Oh look, what’s this?” [Birdy sounds curious]

Birdy opens the box and sees Tinko is dead and shrivelled up. Birdy takes a look at Tinko, and finds salt on him.

“Oh my!”[Birdy sounds frightened]

“First I don't remember anything, now two dead bodies in a day!”[Birdy sighs]

“Poor Tinko, looks like he was poured by some kind of powders. Oh, Salt! It’s not safe here, someone tries to kill everyone. I’d better find out what’s going on.”

Birdy quickly exits the house and heads to the castle.

If the decision was to move on by himself:

“Huh, guess I can keep his telescope.” [Birdy mutters]

Birdy puts Tinko’s telescope to his pocket and heads toward the castle.  

OUTSIDE THE CASTLE

Birdy arrives at the front door of an eerie castle and is greeted by a flying creature resembling an angel. You notice as the creature is flying down towards you something catches your eye on the top of the castle, it looks to be some sort of photograph.

Ollie

“I’ve been looking all over for you!”

[Ollie says this with eyes filled with love]

Birdy

“I don’t think I’ve met you before”

Ollie

“My name is Ollie, and I love you”

“Take me with you...please…”

CHOICES:

1. Let Ollie follow you into the castle

2. Shoo Ollie away

If Birdy chooses 1:

Ollie is filled with joy and follows by your side.

*note, by allowing Ollie to follow you, she will help you retrieve 1 of the 3 photos by allowing you to tie a rope around her to guide you to the spot you saw the photograph.*

Birdy

Birdy thinks to himself that he could use as much help as possible

“Sure… you can tag along, I wouldn’t mind the extra help.”

Ollie

“I knew you would say yes to me, I knew you loved me back”

[Ollie flies around happily]

(SOUND: wind whirling)

Birdy

“Uhmm...okay”

“Hey Ollie, I think I saw something at the top of the castle do you think you could help me get it?”

Ollie

“Anything for you”

Ollie accepts in a flirty manner

[Birdy looks around and finds a rope to tie to Ollie]

“I like where this is going”

Birdy ignores her comment

[Ollie retrieves the photograph for Birdy]

Birdy

[Birdy takes a deep breath]

(SOUND: deep breath)

“Lets go inside now”

Ollie follows you into the castle

If Birdy chooses 2:

Ollie says that you broke her heart and flies into the outside wall of the castle. She cracks her skull and her dead body slides down the wall leaving a trail of blood. Birdy is in shock but has already come this far and enters the castle without looking back.

*Note you cannot retrieve the third photo if you choose this route*

Birdy

Birdy thinks to himself that he should not trust strangers in this weird place

“Sorry, but I think it’s best if I go in by myself”

Ollie

Ollie is heartbroken and starts to tear up

“You don’t love me back?”

Birdy

“How can I love you I just met y..”

Before Birdy can finish his sentence Ollie flies into the side of the castle and cracks her skull open

(SOUND: bones cracking and crunching)

[Birdy winces in disgust]

Birdy tells himself that he’s come so far already and he can’t let this affect his mentality

[Birdy takes a deep breath and enters the castle]

(SOUND: Deep breath)

INSIDE THE CASTLE

A wild looking creature appears in the lobby of the castle. Flying by his side is a flying creature similar to Ollie but takes on the appearance of a devil. The wild creature yells “Sanny” repeatedly while he prepares to attack.

Birdy

“Listen, I don’t want to fight, I just want answers and I feel like this castle has the information that I need.”

Sanny

“Sanny! Sanny! Sanny!”

Sanny lunges towards Birdy while letting out the cry of a rabies infected creature]

(SOUND: sound of footsteps)

*note this is where the fight with Sanny starts*

POSSIBLE OUTCOMES

1.    You lose to Sanny

2.    You beat Sanny

3.    You beat Sanny and have obtained all 3 photographs

Outcome 1:

Birdy falls to the ground and his eyes slowly start to shut. He sees Sanny rip Ollie in half. (SOUND: sound of flesh being ripped)

Birdy

“I need… I need to find out what is happening here…”

[Birdy faints]

[Birdy then wakes up in the strange forest where he started with no memory of what had happened]

“This forest is enormous, This place looks familiar but I don’t think I’ve been here before. I think I am a little bit lost. I hope I can find my way out soon.”

Outcome 2:

Birdy is relieved as he realizes it is all over and he has saved this place from evil. However, Birdy realizes that he still didn’t get any answers about himself. Ollie was also killed during the battle.

Birdy

After defeating Sanny, Birdy still does not have any answers about his origins.

“I did it… But I still know nothing about myself…”

[Birdy heads back to the mushroom house to look for his new acquaintances]

[Birdy arrives at the mushroom house but there is no one around]

“Hello? Tinko? Flipsy? Anyone here?”

[Momo sneaks up from behind Birdy and hits him in the back of the head]

(SOUND: Hollow knocking)

Birdy’s eyes are fully shut and he slowly starts to lose consciousness but he hears a strange but almost familiar voice

Stranger

“I am doing this for you…”

[Birdy faints]

Birdy then wakes up in the strange forest where he started with no memory of what had happened

“This forest is enormous, This place looks familiar but I don’t think I’ve been here before. I think I am a little bit lost. I hope I can find my way out soon.”

Outcome 3:

After Birdy defeats Sanny, his memory starts coming back to him after looking at the photographs that he had gathered on the way to the castle. Ollie is killed in the battle by Sanny.

Birdy

“What is happening! Why am I like this!”

[Birdy falls to his knees]

Birdy begins to cry in great despair

A strange voice answers out to Birdy

Stranger

“Milo...Please don’t be upset, it’s all going to be okay”

Birdy

“Who are you! What did you do to me?”

Stranger

“I see you have found photographs, I knew I should have burned them”

“However, I do not mind telling you the truth as you will forget it very soon”

“Your name is Milo and you are my son, we were in a car accident about 2 years ago as a result of your mother’s drunk driving. She was killed in the accident but you...you survived. Although your body was crushed and ripped beyond repair, your mind was still fully functional.”

Birdy slowly starts to remember his mother and father arguing while he was in the backseat of a car

“I could not and would not accept that you would never be able to move ever again, so I begged the doctors to help you, but they said nothing could be done.”

“I began to study the body and sciences and practiced self taught surgery for a year, I dedicated my life to it. I needed test subjects to ensure that the surgery i performed on you would be a guaranteed success. I grabbed your 5 friends and transplanted their brains into the bodies of your favorite toys. After the last transplant I was confident in my abilities and that is when I transplanted your brain into my favorite toy as a child. I then injected you and your friends with a serum that would make you forget your past. I spent the last of my money to buy this private island to isolate you from the outside world and to give you this dream world with all of your friends.”

“I did this for you Milo...I did everything for you..”

Birdy

“What have you done, what did you do to my friends”

“This isn’t right!”

Stranger

“I knew you would not appreciate what I have done for you, but I was already prepared anyway.”

[Momo floats behind Birdy and knocks him in the back of the head]

(SOUND: hollow knocking)

Stranger

“I love you Milo.”

[Birdy faints]

Birdy then wakes up in the strange forest where he started with no memory of what had happened

“This forest is enormous, This place looks familiar but I don’t think I’ve been here before. I think I am a little bit lost. I hope I can find my way out soon.”

----------------------------------------The End------------------------------------------

[pauldeckerus]

The Instagram Generation is Really Bad News for Beauty Spots

Photography is an ever-evolving, ever-changing hobby, career and art-form. Over the years the cameras have evolved from primitive wooden boxes powered by chemicals, into technologically-advanced power-packed gizmos that enable pretty much anyone to take a good photograph in pretty much any environment.

In the process, what used to be a niche and highly specialized interest, was democratized. However, of all the advancements, progressions and transformations of the last 100 years, the one that has most recently had far-reaching effects on the world is Instagram.

First launched in 2010, Instagram combined the immediacy of a Polaroid with the social sharing functions that the current generation was born into. The app’s popularity exploded, with one million registered users within its first two months alone, then 10 million in a year, 800 million as of September 2017 and well north of one billion users now.

It has always been a controversial app, from the hard-baked 1:1 square ratio of the original release, to the one-click filters, through its apparent disregard for the niceties of copyright ownership, to the bullying the platform enabled, the changes to its timeline algorithm and most recently the move away from photographs towards videos via its Story function and spin-off IGTV app.

Instagram propelled some photographers from relative anonymity into the big league. It took other non-photographers who had simply been taking photographs of what interested them and transformed them into Insta-stars. Above all, Instagram helped to bring forth a whole new career path for the millennial generation – the influencer.

The problem is that Instagram is a voracious beast. It demands a never-ending supply of new images in order to satisfy that massive audience and their infinitely scrolling timelines. Influencers, once they were on the treadmill, found that they had to find new places to photograph, new ways of telling the same story over and over again, new photographic styles to keep their feed interesting, new collaborations to increase their follower count, new experiences to share, new restaurants to #foodstagram and new products to pretend they weren’t being paid to promote.

Photo by Creaslim.

One of the unfortunate side-effects of all of this is the hug of death. Certain locations, which offer the perfect backdrop for an Instagram selfie, have been inundated with visitors. In some cases, the locations have been damaged to such an extent that they have been closed to public access. The motto of the landscape photographer used to be “Leave nothing but footprints. Take nothing but pictures. Kill nothing but time.” But these days the Instagammer’s motto is more like “Leave nothing but litter. Take nothing but souvenirs. Kill nothing but the environment.”

As a direct result of the dawn of this new breed of photographer — namely the person who takes images purely to share online with a following on social media — locations that have been visited for a hundred years by photographers are being damaged, destroyed and closed.

It might sound sensationalist, but the evidence is clear.

Bush tracks and paths that were once little used and overgrown are now worn to the point of collapse. Rock structures that survived for millions of years have been eroded and destroyed. Land-owners who were happy to let the occasional person cross their properties are now closing the gates forever. In many cases, it was just the serenity that attracted the occasional photographer to a location – but that too has been shattered. What were once quiet and lovely spots out in the countryside are now simply locations to be ticked off a checklist as Instagram users try to create their versions of the photos they’ve admired online.

Figure 8 Pools

The rock platform at Figure Eight Pools. Photo by David Croft/OEH.

Here in Australia, there are plentiful examples of the Instagram hotspot phenomenon. Once upon a time, the Figure 8 Pools were a little known natural rockpool structure located on the edge of the Royal National Park near Burning Palms. Then the location started appearing in the feeds of some well-known Instagrammers and then in Australia.com’s official feed, and before you knew it the place had become insanely busy. People who had no knowledge or awareness of the dangers of the coast arrived in large numbers and, when they weren’t queueing for their turn in the pools, were getting swept off the rocks by rogue waves and being badly injured in the process.

It’s got so bad there that National Parks have totally changed their information page about the Figure 8 Pools. Back in 2015, it used to say, “Deep enough to take a swim or paddle your feet, the rockpools are home to a variety of sea life including sea urchins, chitons and zebra snails.” Visit the same page now and you’ll see nothing but extensive warnings about how dangerous it is and how far it is (four hours apparently). Further down the page they clearly identify the issue: “Pick a better spot for a selfie. Instead of breaking a limb at Figure Eight Pools, take photos at some other beautiful places. Avoid the crowds that Figure Eight Pools is now infamous for.”

Bombo Quarry

Long before it became one of the flagship photography locations on the south coast of New South Wales, Bombo Quarry was a mecca for rock climbers. These days some of the photographers who visit the quarry do employ some basic rock climbing skills but this is to put themselves in the frame of their photograph. I’ve only lived in this part of the world for 12 years but I find it amazing how much busier Bombo is these days – it would be a rare day when you get the place to yourself.

Moreover, it does not matter when you visit because it’s an extremely popular spot at sunrise, during the day and for night sky photography. Within the last couple of years, it has also become established as a wedding photography location for Sydney newly-weds looking for something other than the classic Observatory Hill shots. It will soon become far busier still because the local state M.P. Gareth Ward announced funding for a trail hilariously named the Bombo Headland Eco Walk. I think he meant Ego, not Eco.

Drawing Room Rocks

Drawing Room Rocks is a fabled lookout on the edge of the brilliantly named Barren Grounds National Park. When we first moved to this area virtually nobody knew how to get to it and we only ever found out how to reach the location through a tortuous series of connections with various locals. The first time we walked the indistinct bush track to the top it was really overgrown and so well hidden that we took four wrong-turns on the way up. Then a couple of years ago, a travel show featured the spot and the local Wollongong newspaper ran an article about the location and faster than you could say tan-and-teal it was well and truly on the map.

The tiny carpark is full before sunrise and people park on the edges of the unsealed road, damaging the side banks. The track itself is badly eroded and you certainly wouldn’t have any problems following the right path to the top, it’s like a road now. The delicate stones at the top that give the location its name are also showing the signs of wear and there is graffiti on some of the rocks. Visit the place during the summer holidays and there are as many as 100 other people up there.

Helensburgh Tunnel

Took a while but finally got the shot . . . Canon t3i (600D) | 10-18mm @10mm | ISO 100 | 13 sec | f/6.3 . . . #mitchkara #canon #canon600d #steelwoolphotography #steelwool #longexposureshot #longexposure #longexpoelite #slowshutterspeed #slowshutter #helensburgh #helensburghtunnel #wideangle #tunnel #sparks #lighttrails #t3i #canont3i #600d #spark

A post shared by Mitchell Kara (@mitchkara) on Mar 9, 2018 at 1:04am PST

If you guys want to see some epic artistic shots check out my girl @aussiegirladventurer – You're amazing girl, keep doing your thing! Hope to see you soon ❤️ #haunted #railway #smoke #orange #flare #smokeflare #photography #photographylovers #photooftheday #picoftheday #nature #landscape #helensburgh #helensburghtunnel #quote #love #amazing #instagood #instadaily #travel #explore #adventure #sydney #mustdo #hike #glowworms #australia

A post shared by R E B E C C A • L E E 🦋 (@fromsydneywithlove__) on Aug 3, 2016 at 2:31am PDT

Red rails at the old 'Helensburg Railway Tunnel. Capture by babe @alexandra_zumbo #helensburghtunnel #exploreaustralia #adventures #hiddengem #abandonedearth #travelnsw #seekandfind #hikeandseek

A post shared by A S H A S K A R O (@ashaskaro) on Nov 12, 2016 at 12:53pm PST

The photographic community where I live has recently been mourning the loss of one of the most photogenic locations south of Sydney – the abandoned railway tunnel at Helensburgh. An extremely cool location in its own right, it was also home to a colony of extremely rare glowworms which you could photograph at night using long exposures.

Unfortunately, the tunnel has been on the Instagram map for a few years now and many of those visitors to the site used flares or spun steel wool in the tunnel to create cliched ember shots and, in the process, nearly wiped out the poor old glowworms. Consequently, the owner of the tunnel (Crown Lands) has erected a steel fence across the entrance to the tunnel and have said that they will keep it closed until the glowworms have had sufficient time to recover. They will only be permitting limited access thereafter, probably at weekends only. And that’s why we can’t have nice things.

These same issues are playing out at locations all around the world. All of those locations that were previously only known to a handful of locals have been photographed, Instagrammed and geo-tagged and now the world and its cousin are beating down the door with selfie-sticks, GoPros, and drones.

The managers of these locations, usually one of the national park organizations, try their best to manage the sudden influx of visitors. But parks organizations worldwide suffer badly from being under-resourced and they do not have the manpower or the funds to do enough to fully protect these locations. Often the only option they have, as custodians of the land, is to close that location completely.

Photo by Tom Holmes.

The problem I have with all this is that I am complicit in the very problem I am highlighting. For years I have shared my landscape photographs online and given full location information for anyone that would like to visit. In my defense, I did this in the mistaken belief that the people who would visit would share the same values as me – to leave no trace – to respect the landscape. Unfortunately, I was wrong. In recent months it has led me to reevaluate how I share and what I share.

For many amazing places, the cat is well and truly out of the bag, but others remain relatively unknown. So I have taken the decision to stop geotagging the photographs of all but the most obvious locations in the hope that they stay the way they are. We’ve thrown enough amazing locations under the bus already, let’s start protecting what’s left.

Update: I want to address some concerns and clear up a few things that other folks have raised.

Firstly – yes, I probably should have finished on a more upbeat note in which I encouraged folks to clean up after themselves, to consider the natural environment and to ‘leave it like you found it’. In my defense, I don’t think that the kind of people who are the problem are going to be reading articles like mine in the first place. The kind of people who treat the natural world such disregard care only about getting to 50,000 Instagram followers and if that means a few pristine bush trails get trampled in the process then so-be-it. I guess the mantra ‘education not vilification’ is a worthy one and an ideal that I will aim for in the future.

Secondly – as I say in the mea culpa in the last paragraph – I am part of the problem too. I fully accept it and henceforth I will be taking steps to ensure that I am not part of the problem.

I think the central issue here is that two worlds have collided.

For many years the world of the landscape photographer was a largely closed one in which a few geeky souls went out into the countryside, at ludicrous hours of the day and night and, using skills learned through years of practice and took photographs of the natural world. It was a genuinely small clique of people who, by and large, operated under the same unwritten code of ethics. As I see it, it all changed in three stages – 1) when we went from film to digital, 2) when we went from high-end DSLR to smartphone camera and 3) when we went from printing our photos to uploading them to social media. The bottom line is that in 2018 – everyone is a photographer and that old unwritten code of ethics simply does not figure in the lives of most people. Combine the exponential increase in the number of people taking photographs with the world of social media and, in hindsight, it’s easy to see that it was always going to play out the way it has.

It has been pointed out to me – and I completely agree – that the massive increase in tourism since the 1990s is also to blame for the current situation. Even extremely well known places that have been on the tourist map for a hundred years, such as Yellowstone in the states, Abel Tasman National Park in New Zealand, Lofoten in Norway, the Lake District in England, Santorini in Greece and pretty much the whole of Iceland, have all been suffering from a massive increase in visitation rates. Even newly ‘discovered’ locations such as Torres Del Paine in Patagonia, have been feeling the pressure of greatly increased visitor numbers. It is becoming increasingly clear that the only way of managing this in the long-term is by limiting the number of people who can access a particular area at one time – although I suspect the situation will have to get much worse than it currently is for the authorities to step in.

The other argument – and again I completely agree – is that there is no malice intended by the people sharing locations. In many cases, they had no idea that their photograph would go viral, or be noticed by an influencer and copied, or get picked up by a tourism organization and shared.

About the author: Andy Hutchinson is a photographer and journalist based in South Coast, New South Wales, Australia. The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author. You can find more of his work and words on his website, or by following him on Facebook and Instagram. This article was also published here.

Image credits: Header photo by rawpixel

from Photography News https://petapixel.com/2018/07/06/the-instagram-generation-is-really-bad-news-for-beauty-spots/

[mischkebusiness]

I keep waking up in the middle of the night. Sometimes from the acid ravaging my esophagus from some annoying ailment, sometimes from the jet lag that sits heavy on my eyelids at two in the afternoon and pries them awake at four in the morning. I tell myself that first thing in the morning, I will finally compile all of the golden thoughts and sparkling experiences- and predictably, this will vanishes as soon as the sun’s morning rays streak through the window. But after fingers fluttering around my neck and keyboard and apartment for several days, it’s time to write of the past two weeks. My past two weeks in Australia. Our past two weeks in Australia.

September 24

We’re fairly used to early morning flights: ours to Australia was no different. With a 3am wakeup call and generous pickup from Mom and Geza, we began the first leg of our journey. Because of an upgrade, sleeping tablets, and noise-cancelling headphones, the 17-hour flight went as well as could be. By the time we arrived in Townsville, Australia three plane changes later- our bed at the hotel was deeply welcome.

September 25

After sleeping on what felt like a cloud made of mashed potatoes, morning came early and we sorted our rental car to Airlie Beach and stocked up on Aussie snacks, including a long awaited introduction to Vegemite via Cheesymite Scroll.

It was an arid three hour drive through the Australian countryside: carcasses of wallabies strewn about the roadside, craggy, beautiful trees seemingly reaching upwards and outwards for a drink of water, rolling hills changing from brown to green to red. I am sure that Mark and I were both feeling the excited compression of emotions after months of planning this trip. We were on our way to visit Olivia, Mark’s thirteen-year-old daughter, to spend the next three days together.

After driving in what felt like desert for hours, an electric shock of blue greeted us as we turned a corner. The ocean with its soft white veil and Cowry-shell necklace and ceaseless heave beckoned us closer and we followed unquestioningly.

When I first saw Olivia loping through the sliding glass door and out into the yard with two dogs at her heels, the resemblance to her father struck me. The height, the stance, the slight squaring of the shoulders with neck bent and gaze seemingly turned upward even though I fell inches well below.

I was presented with my first tube of Vegemite- which rests in my kitchen cabinet- along with a generous offering of some of Australia’s sweetest gifts. After some time arranging activities for the following day and marinating in the heat, Mark and I left to check into our hotel across the city before meeting back up with Olivia for a dinner of burgers and wings at Little Vegas. After stuffing ourselves full of Americana-inspired sandwiches, we crashed into sleep hard and fast- prepared for an early, exciting start.

September 26

exploring

Tom, Liv, Mark

Processed with VSCO with a5 preset

Whitehaven

Anna, Liv, Tom

After a frenzied start of the day Mark, Olivia, Olivia’s cousin Tom, and I hopped aboard a bright purple catamaran for a day exploring the Whitsunday Islands. A stunning boat-ride cresting waves shared with turtles and dolphins and sharks, we arrived at Whitehaven Beach. As we tromped our way up the hill to the overlook, we chattered about snakes and the rocks and leaving as many people in our dust as we possibly could. The trees around us pointed their gnarled fingers toward the ocean and we followed, shocked at the tableau that surrounded us. Alabaster sand met water that azure only begins to describe, encompassed by a sky of blue fondant, soft and delicious. Our feet hit ground that felt less like granules of broken down minerals and rocks and more like powdered sugar.

We spent hours married to that sand: grazing our fingers across, sinking our bodies in, comparing the hard, barnacled slabs of earth to the softness surrounding it. We became neighborly with stingrays and I cried from happiness when I felt the small, viscous muscles of a sea snail work their way across my fingertips. I became lost in a tide pool the size of a credit card, fully absorbed in an alien world bursting with life I don’t understand, much like that around me most of the time.

September 27

Hideaway Bay

cockatoo

cockatoos in the trees

Liv, Little Vegas

My senses were shattered after such an incredible day prior: filled with new friends, discovery of life, snorkeling, sailing, and nautical exploration. It took a walk at dawn to start our final day in Airlie to refocus my mind. We met again with Olivia and were eager to continue our play in the sea, extending our expedition to Hideaway Bay. We were welcomed yet again by the sea and her unrelenting generosity. We were gifted with dozens of cowrie shells, picturesque views, and beams of sun roasting our skin as we splayed out, eyes expectant and intent on each centimeter of prosperous strand.

We ended a sun-soaked day back in the same seats at Little Vegas, chowing on fried chicken and balls of macaroni and cheese and burgers. It was relaxed, it was easy, it felt like a home- in a way.

September 28

Vegemite Toast

Whitehaven, Liv and Mark

off to Maggie

new markers and books

Saying “goodbye” never gets easier, particularly after mornings like this. I had my first proper Vegemite toast, made by Olivia and Mark, before he and I left for our journey back to Townsville. The flavor still reminds me of salty tears.

We retraced the roads back toward Townsville and were met by Mark’s sister Lizzii and her husband Jason at the rental car lot. We shared a first “double date” at GYO, a favourite Japanese restaurant, before we boarded the ferry toward Magnetic Island (aka Maggie), where they live with their sons Harry and Flynn. They’re almost neighbours with Mark’s mother and stepfather, Sue and Mal, just a few twists and turns up the street.

I fought through exhaustion to enjoy a delicious home-cooked roast chicken (which Flynn, the voracious meat-eater, particularly loved) with the beautiful, welcoming Watson family and Mal: sipping champagne, tasting light-as-air Pavlova and settling into a new pace, new place.

September 29

bedtime stories

koala, sleeping

Flynn, Mark, Harry

hungry kookaburra

the Forts

Mark started the day with one of his pavement-pounding too-many-kilometers-to-be-reasonable runs while I continued to sleep off jet-lag and started my day watching Mal feed kookaburras mince off the balcony. We shared brekkie (juicy bacon and perfectly over-easy eggs) complete with the Vitamin B wonders of Vegemite followed by a dip in crystal clear water in Radical Bay.

Mark and I had our first proper bush walk up to the Forts, eyes peeled for koalas. Those sleepy, stoned creatures did nothing but rest their fluffy behinds in the crook of gum trees and sleep through the sweltering heat. We garnered views of Magnetic Island and its stunning bays that reminded me of why people choose to live on the tropically bucolic island- backpackers and tourists rivaling the local population in size.

It was an exciting time as dusk fell when the rock wallabies began to truly debut. Carefully retrieving the snacks of carrots and apples the boys brought, I finally got to see wallabies that were alive and well. We began to wind up the day with the Watson crew at a perfectly deserted park smack dab in front of the ocean. We ate sweet chili burgers and threw sausages to the blue-winged kookaburras laughing peculiarly at us from their perches in the dusk. The evening ended with bedtime stories of Diary of a Possum and Possum Magic.

September 30

My birthday and our final morning on Maggie was crowned with eggs, bacon, pancakes, and gifts with the family with a few games of UNO, something I had never played until Harry taught me the ways of the game. I am now a convert.

We hugged Lizzii almost-teary-eyed goodbyes before taking Harry to a club dedicated to training lifesavers, apparently a very important thing in Australia. Donning a purple wetsuit, fluoro pink vest, and lime green swimming cap- young Harry walked onto the beach among his classmates for the first time with determination and ease. Flynn spent the next half hour being a charming spider in the web of playground equipment, crafting a trap where he would nip-nip-nip us until our fly-bodies were drained of invisible blood. Eventually, our time had to end and we caught the ferry back to Townsville for our flight to Hobart, Tasmania.

Sue, Mark’s mum, met us at the airport and we drove to the chilly harbor to share a bottle of bubbly and toast to the next set of adventures back in the city where Mark created so many of his stories. We sat around the pitiful heat of a decorative flame and chatted about the flight and the days to come. Immediately I felt at ease, like Hobart was telling me to stay for a bit. Soon after, the brightness of Alex and Amy joined us. Two incredible constants in Mark’s life, they were welcome familiar faces not seen since January in the brutal cold of Milwaukee. It felt as if family had walked into the hotel lobby.

After moments of flushed, bright reunion we made our way to St. Albi to meet Matt and Ange, more of Mark’s dearest friends. “Quick with a joke and to light your smoke” describes Matt well, minus the smoking part, and he is balanced by the pure loveliness of Ange. I felt wholly invited to the table and we laughed, sank into some of the best steak I have ever had, and left plumed in red after too much good wine.

October 1

The Henry Jones Art Hotel

clearly thrilled and ready to be an engaged adult

Landscape

best calamari, ever

The glorious day started with Billie. Two years old with more charm, cheek, and cleverness than fair for one little girl, she scooped us back up into her expressive, curious world. We took a road that reminded me of a curly-fry to Matt and Ange’s for brunch (savory corn fritters and bacon) in a house seemingly plucked off a glossy page of Dwell. We met little, lion-haired and hearted Liam for the first time and just as he began waking from his nap, we went home so that I could begin mine. We had late lunch scheduled with Sue, Mark’s grandparents John and Joan, and his Great Aunt, Pam; I wanted to be well-rested and in top form.

Mark nudged me awake for a tour through Tasmania for glimpses of his previous home in Huonville to the farm in Woodbridge. He always told me how Washington resembled Tasmania, but I don’t think I ever truly believed him until I began to view the landscape in person. The unending hills draped in greenery, the blue-tray water dappled with crisp, clear light, the gentle clearness of the air. The Eucalyptus, Mark driving on my right, and the soft white flocks of lambs freshly introduced to spring were the small reminders that I was in a world unknown to me.

Our lunch was nearing and Mark wanted to show me one last place: the jetty where he and his late father spent “hours on end, talking about anything and everything”. The tide announced its familiar greeting as we creaked across the timber, out to sea. To my delight, a flock of inky cockatoos screeched in a frenzy to our right. Mark laughed as I laughed at the clamour and took my into the arms that feel like home. He expressed himself simply and perfectly and knelt. It felt as if my lungs were removed and replaced with sugar-spun lanterns filled with moths and he asked. And I answered. And we were engaged.

Catching my breath, I said I wanted to remember every part of that moment: the mellow temperature, sound of the birds now in the distance, soft saline bite in the air. He told me I wouldn’t need to and turned me around to a photographer, a friend of his from his days working at the newspaper, The Mercury. Her name is Amy and she captured every candid moment so that I could revisit the memory at any time.

The next several hours were a shaky, delicious whirlwind. I met heaps of Mark’s beautiful family who were under the impression that they were waiting at the restaurant for a surprise birthday party for me. There were tear-inducing toasts, staticky video calls to my friends and family back home, photos upon photos, and endless embraces. It took an hour for my champagne-flute grasping hands to stop shaking.

The filminess begins to drop away by the time we were sitting in the window of our room at The Henry Jones. We came into focus a bit more as we sat, painting my nails (it was necessary!), Mark sipping a beer, and a rendition of Can’t Help Falling in Love floating from the speakers. In a deliriously happy and slightly shocked state, we wandered around Hobart’s city center in the dusk among the places he used to frequent, around the marina filled with ships that have seen the world.

We ate richly and langourously  at Landscape, on silky scallops and firm orechiette, delicate calamari gilded with miso caramel and a plump gem of fillet. We chased the meal with a bottle of glittery light Tasmanian Jansz, sent as a gift to our room from Seattle by Mark’s wonderful sister and brother-in-law, Anna and Nick.

We slept beautifully.

October 2

teething madonna

posh pit to mona

We had left a day behind that felt like a watercolor, so we followed it up with an oily canvas covered in slashes of acid: the Museum of Old and New Art, MONA. The gallery- more like an asylum- is well described here. I was captivated by a pageant of taxidermied kittens sharing tea and a game of croquet; the ridiculous faces of the animals preserved by Noah’s Ark in a painting struck my fancy.

We drank champagne to and from the museum on a fast ferry, glimmering from within from the sheer nearness of each other.

October 3

After sausage rolls at the athletics track where Mark used to train, we noshed on flaky meaty pie from Jackman & McRoss in Princes Park, and shared an unfussy burger at Jack Greene with Mark’s crew of friends. We wandered through the galleries in Salamanca and continued to explore Hobart before dinner at Blackman’s Bay with Sue, a meal of gnocchi ragù tender as the company we dined with.

After a day of eating my heart out, I felt like vomiting my heart out. And then I did. Damn acid reflux. Note to self: schedule endoscopy.

October 4

It was an ideal last day in Tasmania, filled with small charms and everyday comforts that reminded us that the wonderful comes both in sweeping, grand gestures and the quiet, simple routine. One of my favorite things to do in a new country is visit a grocery store. I love aimlessly walking through the aisles to gape at the artfully wrapped sweets and goggle at what I consider bizarre meats and drool at the hundreds of foreign flavors of potato chips. I filled my basket with jars of Vegemite to bring home as gifts (which were taken away when going through security) and lollies before spending a few last hours with Alex and Billie before we left to spend our last night with Liam, Ange, and Matt.

Ange prepared a perfectly light and luxuriously hearty lamb salad, we sipped more bubbles, and digested over some trash TV- soaking up our last moments on the island.

October 5

Sydney Harbor

Longrain, Mark and Anna

Josh, Mark, Justin

Our taxi arrived in the dead of night to pick us up for our 6am flight to Sydney. Barely awake, we made our way to the city: only two stops away from home in Tacoma, but a world’s distance away.

We spent the morning traipsing through the city that reminded me a little bit of so many places I have loved: New York, Seattle, Glasgow, Hong Kong. We stopped for a coffee at one of the many vibrant little cafes in the back streets that Mark used to frequent during his time working and living there. The streets were alive with people smoking their reeking, modelesque cigarettes, working hard or working hard to look working hard on their cell phones, and dressed to the sixes, sevens, eights, and nines.

After stopping to stare at the Circular Quay and all its activity for a bit, we took a ferry out to Manly Beach for a wander- drinking in our surroundings the way there, the brisk wind raising the hairs on our skin as we stood on the port of the ship.

After a stroll around the beachtown and lunch on the docks, we made our way back to the Modern Art Museum and then onto the balcony of the Aurora for drinks with Mark’s previous coworkers from the old newspaper days, Justin and Josh. Although far too short, it was a delight meeting these friends from far away times and far away climes who clearly hold their friendship as highly as Mark does.

Our last proper meal in Australia was relished at Longrain: clean Tassie sparkling with welcome dishes of Betel leaf wrapped chicken, bright acidic Som Tum, comforting stir fry, and succulent pork hock. Of course we stopped at McDonalds on the way home so that I’d have a midnight snack: the Double Cheeseburgers are far better in Oz than the US.

As we spent our last hours remembering the past two weeks we had spent together in a place so familiar and so foreign, I felt tiredness nuzzle into my chest like a kitten, soft and inviting as a warm baguette.

I fell asleep next to my fiancé- ready to commence tomorrow, together.

australia. I keep waking up in the middle of the night. Sometimes from the acid ravaging my esophagus from some annoying ailment, sometimes from the jet lag that sits heavy on my eyelids at two in the afternoon and pries them awake at four in the morning.

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The Olympic Peninsula is known around the world for its beautiful mountains, its beaches and the Twilight Saga.  Well, there’s more to it than that.  We’ve spent countless days exploring the OP and not just visiting our old favorite haunts we’ve known all our lives, but also exploring places that are new to all of us.  That’s the joy of the Olympic Peninsula and why we’ve got a handy guide to get you familiar with our favorite region of the Pacific Northwest.

So, why visit the Olympic Peninsula over the Oregon Coast or the Eastern Seaboard?  Well, quite simply there are fewer tourists here and more opportunities to be in the middle of nature with nobody around.  The quietest place in the USA is on the Olympic Peninsula.  The original metropolitan center of the Puget Sound area is on the OP.  The largest successful dam removal project in the USA is on the Peninsula.  So many reasons to visit!

Locale of the Olympic Peninsula

You can drive to or take a ferry to the Olympic Peninsula depending on your starting point.  If you’re visiting Seattle and want to explore the OP you can hop a ferry from either downtown Seattle or from Edmonds.  You’ll have to drive about a half hour to cross the Hood Canal Bridge and from there either head south along Hood Canal towards Lake Cushman and the Pacific Ocean or head north to loop around the Olympic Mountains on Highway 101.  The other option from Seattle is to drive around through Tacoma, but that takes forever with Tacoma’s awful traffic.

If you’re coming from the north, such as Victoria or Vancouver BC, you’ll also need to take a boat.  From Victoria BC, you can drive onto the Blackball Coho Ferry for an hour boat ride into Port Angeles.  From Vancouver BC you’ll need to cross the border into the US up near Blaine/Bellingham and then drive south towards Whidbey Island.  Head through Anacortes and across Whidbey to the Port Townsend ferry.  Boom!  You’re on the Olympic Peninsula!

Tip:  for either the Coho (Victoria) or WSF boat (Whidbey Island) you can make reservations for your preferred sailing.  We highly recommend reservations for either otherwise you’re at the mercy of every other traveler.

Port Townsend: a Victorian Seaport

The perfect start to an adventurous visit to the Olympic Peninsula is with a day in Port Townsend.  Established in the 1800s as the primary seaport for the Puget Sound (prior to the railroads declaring Seattle as such), the town was built to be beautiful and have all of the features of a keystone city:  Victorian downtown, mansions uptown, amazing courthouse complete with looming bell tower…and a castle. Eventually Fort Worden was built and then eventually decommissioned… but then became the backdrop for the movie An Officer and a Gentleman.

Today, it’s got everything that a tourist could want.  Local beer (PTBrewing), local wine (Fairwinds Winery) and cider (Alpenfire) are available throughout the town.  The NorthwestMaritime Center is right on the water and ready to pull you into wooden boat culture.  Fort Worden has beach, woods and WWII bunkers for exploring, as well as the Point Wilson lighthouse and the most amazing field for flying kites.  I didn’t get into all of the shops in the downtown, because that’s its own day, but hit up what I just mentioned and kids and adults are set for fun.

Tip:  if you can set aside two days for the Port Townsend area you’ll be good to go.  It’s the perfect seaside town for relaxing and exploring, and weekends really are best.

Beaches of the Olympic Peninsula

We live by a beach, but we are really far into the Puget Sound, so there aren’t actual ocean waves.  Also there’s not a ton of sand. Cue the Olympic Peninsula…

Such cool beaches:  enormous drift wood at LaPush or the Dungeness Spit, the softest sand ever at Salt Creek, tide pools on the Strait of Juan de Fuca or at Ruby Beach in Olympic National Park.  What makes the beaches here so different and fun is that they are playable with kids.  The sand isn’t dry and blasting your eyes with from the wind.  The shore is gradual, so there’s lots of sandy space.  The waves aren’t the size of tsunamis straight from Japan so you can actually play in them when it’s warm.

The beaches of the Olympic Peninsula are great for spotting wildlife too.  We get a lot of seals all around the Puget Sound area, and the sheltered beaches on the Peninsula are prime places for raising young seal pups.  Also, we’ve seen grey and humpback whales just from the shore on several occasions; you just have to keep a look out.

Tip:  bring binoculars year round to watch for passing grey, humpback and orca whales.  We’ve been able to see whales with the naked eye in the Strait of Juan de Fuca and off the beaches of Olympic National Park.

Tidepools on the Olympic Peninsula

We’re a bit obsessed with the ocean and not actually being a mer-family we have to enjoy it in ways other than living underwater.  Luckily, our kids are just like us dads.  They love to play in the water and sand, but now they’ve been exposed to something even better: tide pools!  Tide pools, for those who don’t know, are the low spot in rock outcroppings that are full of water after the tide goes out.  This means that there is an environment that can hold life even at low tide. 

For a child who loves the sea, this is the perfect spot to see all of the tiny friends that normally are out in the water.  We often see hermit crabs, anemones, sculpin (fish), chitons, huge barnacles feeding. limpets, mussels…  Also, the rocks are home to many pelagic seabirds, so it’s great for bird watching at low and high tides. The tide pools on the Strait of Juan de Fuca are really fantastic.  They are easy to traverse as an adult or child, or as a parent wearing a baby in a pack (with caution).  

Tip:  the best shoes for tide pooling are sandal-type shoes with a little traction.  They’ll provide good footing on the rocks and then dry fast.

Alternative plan:  if the Olympic Peninsula isn’t close enough when you’re visiting Seattle or Portland, check out Whidbey Island’s tide pools, or if you’re south, the Oregon Coast has a plethora of opportunities for them.

RULE:  do not take anything from a tide pool.  Example: an empty snail shell might actually be a hermit crab’s home.  Would you want somebody to take yours?

The two best tidepool areas we’ve found on the Olympic Peninsula are Salt Creek Recreation Area and Ruby Beach at Olympic National Park.

Hiking on the Olympic Peninsula

The Olympic Peninsula is where the mountains literally meet the sea.  What this means is that you can either hike hike or walk hike.  For hardcore folks they can traverse the Olympic Mountains from all sides, climbing Mt. Rose or heading up out of Staircase by Lake Cushman.  For those of us with kids, we’ve got some other options.

The Hoh Rainforest is one of our favorite places because it makes us feel like we’re walking with gnomes.  I know, silly, but when you’ve got little kids to entertain along the way, it’s nice to be able to look for gnomes.  The Hoh is so dense with moss and fallen trees that it’s almost like another planet.  The streams are full of algae and other plants; they look like alien rivers.  Sol Duc Falls is also absolutely incredible for the lush forests and totally PNW experience in Olympic National Park.

Other easy hiking includes heading to the beach areas for walks in the sand or if you’ve got the time and energy, trekking all of the way out to the Dungeness Spit lighthouse.  There’s such a variety and with something different to see at each stop, you can’t go wrong.  Hurricane Ridge just outside of Port Angeles is also a great day hiking spot, with views going all the way to Victoria, BC and Seattle.  Beware of mountain goats at Hurricane Ridge.  They’re not indigenous and are still angry about it, so they’re not friendly.

Tip:  despite being called a temperate rainforest, the Hoh can actually be rather hot and dry.  Be prepared with lots of water and the energy to carry little people, as the mugginess can be draining.

And another thought if you want to go hiking with toddlers and younger:  for younger kids, having an actual hiking child-carrier is very helpful and will make you all feel much better about your adventure when you realize how much more comfortable it is than just a standard baby pack, such as a Bjorn or Ergo.  Kelty Kids and REI both make great child-carrier hiking packs if you need to invest in one.

Whale Watching on the Salish Sea

There are a few approaches to whale watching.  1.)  Set up a chair on a bluff or beach and wait for the whales to swim by, hoping to catch a glimpse.  2.)  Hire a random guide in a marina in Sequim or Port Angeles to take you out on a small boat and hope that they are whale-wise and responsible.  3.)  Spend the extra money to go on a whale watching expedition with a company that guarantees sightings.

It sounds weird that they can guarantee sightings, but here’s why:  the reputable companies all work together to share whale locations as they’re spotted, thus making for quicker sighting and more positive guest experiences, thus building their businesses and awareness of whales and their plight.  It’s all a rather good set up.  Since the tour companies are regulated and the Fish and Wildlife chaps are out in their boats monitoring, the whales are treated well and given wide berth for going their own way.  The experience is great and there’s nothing like seeing the wonder in your child’s eyes when an orca jumps out of the water in front of them.

Tip:  excursions are typically 4-5 hours, but it’s worth the time to be on the water and see such beauty, regarding the sealife and sights.  And there’s no shame in being prepared with a little entertainment for younger kids, as boat travel isn’t always the most exciting part of the day.

There is, of course, far more to do and see on the Olympic Peninsula.  Native American culture thrives in several areas, so watch for totem poles.  The Twilight Saga was filmed on the OP and going out of Port Angeles and Forks, you can go on Twilight themed tours.  There are some beautiful National Park lodges to visit or stay at from Lake Quinault or Kalaloch up to Lake Crescent. And camping!  Everywhere! Seriously, you could do a two week vacation here easily and everybody in the family will have an amazing time.

We have all kinds of other ideas for visiting the Olympic Peninsula including more hiking recommendations and options for where to stay.  If we were to break down the must-see sights for a tight vacation schedule, here’s what we’d say to do:

Port Townsend – Victorian charm, great food, local beers

Hurricane Ridge – hiking and epic views across the mountains

Sol Duc Falls – the most lush waterfall trail on the Olympic Peninsula

Cape Flattery – the Northwesternmost point of the continental USA, incredibly beautiful

Ruby Beach – sea stack, tidepools, beaches, driftwood, eagles…

So are you totally ready to explore the Olympic Peninsula?  If you ever have any questions, we know our way around the OP really well and have tons more to share.  Send us a note if you need hiking, kayaking, lodging, dining, or just relaxing recommendations.  We’ve got you covered!

Go ahead and save that nifty infographic above or something from below so you don’t miss the must-see sights when you come for a visit.  And feel free to pin this for later too!

The Olympic Peninsula of Washington: visiting the Pacific Northwest’s playground The Olympic Peninsula is known around the world for its beautiful mountains, its beaches and the 

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We Shipped Ourselves

Got back from the Bahamas yesterday morning.  They start that disembarking thing quite early.  Not sure I understand exactly why other than they allow their guests to get onboard early as well.  We didn’t exactly take advantage of the early start but ew got our money’s worth from everything we did.  I even got her an almost surprise at the very beginning in on her.  I think it set the relaxing mood for the remainder of the cruise.  There is a possibility that I have an energy problem.  I just didn’t want to relax.  I wanted to walk the boat pretty much constantly.  It’s my MO.  I did take a very long nap on Cococay in the beach bed though.  It was nice.  To be fair, I had stayed up in the club till sometime after 130 AM.  I enjoyed the songs.  Plus how often can one say they went to a club on a cruise ship under the stars?

Atlantis in Nassau was absolutely an amazing place physically.  Thinking they need to build a transportation mechanism for the hotel property itself.  I’m not against walking but for the sake of saving time it would be nice to get from point A to point B in an efficient manner.  There was one other issue I want to take with the ownership.  The locker situation is just wrong.  I paid more for a ticket than I ever have for a single water park visit.  The locker price should be included.  End of story.  Other than that I was quite taken with the water park.  That “lazy” river was epic.  I have never experienced anything like it before in the states.  Orlando is opening a new water park next week.  Hopefully they have some innovations of their own.  For those not sure what i’m taking about think about a lazy river mixed with a wave pool followed by white water rafting.  It’s almost justification enough for the ticket price.  I haven’t had that much fun on a water ride in my life.  And I can promise myself that Saturday will not be the last time I ride it.

This was the ultimate anything goes weekend.  Enjoyed soda and any food that was presented to me in the buffet line that interested me.  This included buying art that was not really something I expected to do.  I thought maybe I’d get a tie or some Bahama speciality item like rum or taffy (we did get taffy).  We got to see some amazing art that broadened our horizons just a bit.  Found a few new artists that we have become enamored.  Getting cultured is always a good thing.  I even tried escargot on the final night of the cruise.  I’ve never been all that culinarily adventurous except for desserts and drinks.  Turns out it is REALLY quite good.  They hide it well under that garlic butter.  Still, I think I’m amazed at just how good it was.  I don’t think the snail itself has much of a taste, especially for it being mostly protein. 

We celebrated six years of marriage on Cococay.  Napping on the beach seems like it was the best possible way for us to start out year number six.  We both love the sand and sea and it’s really surprising that it took this long to get a cruise together.  Exotic destinations are my thing so it’s mind blowing I never thought about this before.

Needless to say eating whatever, whenever wasn’t good for my whole physique thing I’m determined to achieve.  I feel like I’m close if I can nail this diet thing.  I have new ideas that I’ll post on later.

All in all.  It was great to getaway from everything.  No cell signal or (free) wifi on the ship means that we were 100% disconnected from the world for 4 days.  It was so incredible nice.  I thought that I would be concerned about the office but I didn’t think about it a single time and when I did get back I only forwarded emails to someone on-site.  I’m quite proud to say that I didn’t meddle on my days off.  Didn’t expect to be able to do that.  We’ll see how things went when I get back in the office tomorrow.  Hopefully we survived and I can continue to be allowed vacations :)

I guess it’s back to the real world again...

#SixPackDave

Sailing takes me away to where I've always heard it could be