#BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES TOO

[moonshynecybin]

hmmm idk if this is anything, but rosquez as romcom co stars that keep getting cast together even though they hateee each other but the chemistry is too good?

this is fun because like. it keeps some of my favorite little rosquez saw traps and wraps them up for me like a little treat. forced proximity public pda and EXTREME media scrutiny kind of their bread and butter tbh. make them crazy make them kiss im watching like tashi in the hotel scene in challengers

like marc as a young tom cruise esque (sorry. SORRY. im sorryyyyy) action star who does all of his own stunts loves the physicality of acting loves getting to pretend to do crazy stuff and be a HEROOOO but still kind of plays the same exact character every time. BIG smile always standing on apple boxes to make himself seem taller as he attempts to generate chemistry with whatever actress is his badly written love interest of the day (marc would be SO good in the mission impossible movies im sorry he WOULD be like. can i parachute off of a motorcycle into a ravine please please please youre NOTHING. santi is his extremely stressed stunt coordinator. lmao.) versus vale who came up doing indie movies as a teen in the 90s (his lil face would DOMINATE gay cinephile gifset tumblr) before launching himself to super stardom with a string of successful comedies and sort of settling into that because its easy... secretly frustrated no one will let him bust out his drama chops... BIG chip on his shoulder here a la leaving honda for yamaha etc

so eventually both of them are getting a little tired of being pigeon holed. and decide 2 book a serious ass gay romantic drama. they are tired of being hailed as the kings of fiction for the masses and they want to win at acting!! they get into the chemistry read (marc is still pretty young i think) and its. insane. INSTANT. james dean and marlon brando levels of ARE YOU TWO FUCKING?? but they literally just met. and marc has been a fan of vale's forever but not just the comedies also his earlier dramatic stuff (apocalyptic little gay crush) and they have similar taste in movies and vale is sooooo funny and it is OFF to the races. like. i cannot emphasize this enough they are fucking the WHOLE time. every scene in this movie its just leaping off the screen... they go in to film and its like that BTS clip of the americans where the director was having matthew rhys and keri russell do a sex scene and theyre suspiciously comfortable pretending to 69 and he turns to his assistant and just goes. oh yeah these guys have fucked. they are wayyyy to comfy hitching the other's pussy into their face lmao. just fucking going for it. the director is like hey guys. can you tone it down a little. marc biggggg smile okayyyyyy :3

and the movie comes out and they attend the premiere all smiley and bouncy and feeling really good about the project and then, theyy watch it. and its like. uh oh! not a lot of acting happening there ! um. best performance of either of their careers and they both look at it an can identify all the points they werent acting like evil little signal flares.... and vale shuts marc out HARD yadayadayada the Usual Rosquez Breakup Ensues.... until they both get cast in a revival of the brokeback mountain stage play and shit pops off in the most nuclear explosion of horny heartbreak to ever hit the STAGE…

[mulderscully]

out of all the complaints about rwrb people put in the tags of my gifsets (reminder: this is rude) the one that annoys me the most is people saying it was cheesy. because complaints about writing, changes to the novel, the direction/acting are all subjective! but being annoyed that the movie was somehow too happy or too simple or whatever is just fundamentally misunderstanding the entire point.

it's a romantic comedy. it's supposed to be corny.

this isn't like most queer movies which is what makes it special. is it the first mlm romcom? no. but it's the first to reach such a massive fanbase! and it's important to understand that romantic comedies work this way, they're silly and funny and mostly have fade to black sex scenes. that's just how they are! i mean, most of my favorite romcoms have one or two kisses TOTAL.

and tbh no rwrb did not deserve a r rating, it's a pretty pg-13 movie, but including even raunchier sex scenes (bc the ones we got ARE raunchy for a romcom) the way some people want change the genre and would alienate it from certain audiences further. if you want a movie that isn't cheesy and "easy" there are a lot of them. you just gotta understand that rwrb is not trying to be moonlight, it's not trying to be brokeback mountain.

rwrb's closest equal is literally imagine me and you which came out nearly twenty years ago.

[matan4il]

Breaking the Tragedy

Kinnporsche vs Brokeback Mountain meta

In honor of me finding out that Apo once tweeted the above poster of Brokeback Mountain with his and Mile’s pics photoshopped in, that Mile’s favorite LGBTQ movie is BBM and that for their trip to Seoul, they dressed in coordinated outfits reminiscent of BBM’s protagonists... I have lost yet another piece of my sanity and wrote some meta about KPTS vs BBM.

Brokeback Mountain the short story: America’s Greek Tragedy

I cannot do BBM justice if I don’t start by talking about the original short story that the movie is based on. I read it and it absolutely broke my heart. You think the movie is sad? It’s practically a joyous celebration in comparison with the source material.

Because what Annie Proulx set out to write with her short story was an American version of a Greek tragedy. Let me explain how is a Greek tragedy, as a genre, different to tragedies in general. A tragedy is a story where our protagonist experiences an incredibly sad ending. A Greek tragedy is a story where our protagonist has a choice to make, but no matter what he chooses, he will experience an incredibly sad ending. In other words, in this genre, the real tragedy isn’t just that the ending is sad, it’s that there is no way for the ending to be anything other than sad. The impossibility of avoiding a devastating fate, THAT is the true tragedy of life.

Often this means that in Greek tragedies, the protagonist will monologue about the choice that they have, explaining to the audience why, no matter what they choose, the ending would be dire for them. The classic example is Antigone. Her brothers rebelled against her city, which is ruled by her tyrant uncle, and they were killed. The uncle, as punishment for their betrayal, decrees that his nephews would not be buried (condemning their souls eternally) and that anyone giving their bodies a proper burial will be executed. Antigone is in torment. On the one hand, human laws make it impossible for her to bury her brothers. If she does, she will be killed herself. She’s young, she’s in love, she’s about to marry her beloved, she has so much in life to look forward to. On the other hand, divine laws decree that as a sister, she must bring the bodies to burial and give their souls eternal rest, it would be a sin against her family and the gods if she doesn’t. So whatever she chooses, she’s doomed.

In her short story, Annie Proulx sets out to demonstrate the Greek tragedy that is the fate of gay people in the society she’s describing in her book of short stories, Close Range: Wyoming Stories. It’s a hyper-masculine, homophobic society in which non-heterosexual people have no right to exist. What Proulx tries to show is that queer people are damned no matter what choice they make in such a society, whether they pursue their love or stay deeply closeted. She will not have a protagonist who monologues about the impossibility of this choice, but she can have two characters, one choosing the former option, the other choosing the latter, and show the miserable ending that both meet.

That’s who Jack and Ennis are in her short story. Jack is the guy who simply can’t remain closeted. He doesn’t come out in the modern sense of the word, but he finds he can’t stand being fully closeted, because he’s in love with Ennis. The short story makes it clear that it’s not just about attraction (an attraction not seemingly based on looks. Proulx gives a less than flattering physical description of them) and sex (though their sex is canonically damn good). What they offer each other is a mutual understanding and therefore comfort that they don’t get from anyone else in their life, not even their own families. That’s what keeps them tethered to each other, that’s what keeps them hooked even when settling with women would make everything so much easier. They do try that. But Jack is SO in love with Ennis that he’s just too damn miserable in his marriage. Jack’s wife simply can’t give him what Ennis can, and that means there is this emotional void that he can’t live with and she can’t fill. He tries to get more of Ennis, Jack has this dream that he at first keeps to himself but eventually has to share about the kind of life they might lead together, one where they wouldn’t declare who they are to anyone, but they’d live together, so they’d get to share the sorrows and joys of every single day with each other. They’d get to enjoy the warmth and love that comes with mutual understanding and comfort on a daily basis.

Ennis can’t accept this dream. He knows what happens to men who dare live like that, his father made sure his kids would see with their own eyes how a man like that was murdered. So Ennis knows how society will punish them and that they can’t lead a life that’s even semi-open about who they are to each other. He doesn’t share the dream and he chooses to settle for the few times they can get away from the heteronormative lies they’re living.

In an attempt to resist the draw he constantly feels back to Ennis, Jack turns to sex with other men. It’s still not what he longs for, but it’s better than his marriage, because at least having sex with these men is one step closer physically to what he misses when he can’t be with Ennis. Eventually, he settles into an affair with another man who would come and live with him. Jack takes what he can get, even though it’s not what he really wants. Ennis is still the love of his life, the man whose shirt Jack keeps in his closet to the end, entangled with his own, mingled dry blood and all, Ennis is the reason why Jack wanted his ashes scattered on Brokeback Mountain. Between the two impossible choices Annie Proulx lays out, Jack chooses the closest thing he can have to his dream of living his life openly with the love of his life.

Ennis finds out that Jack was murdered for this. And at this point, it seems like out of the two, Ennis had made the smarter choice, the one of hiding who he is as much as possible. He’s still alive, he seemingly didn’t pay the price homophobia demands. Except that’s not true. Proulx then goes on to show us the real tragedy of a society that so fully embraces this type of hatred. It’s that EVERY queer person pays a price, no matter what choice they make, even if that price is invisible to us. Ennis is alive, but upon learning that Jack has been murdered, his heart dies. He becomes a ghost. All he is from this point on is a shadow of longing for Jack, hanging their two intertwined shirts in Ennis’ trailer, waking up every morning from dreams about Jack, wanting something that can never again be. There are no happy endings, there are no good choices for queer people where homophobia prevails.

Brokeback Mountain the movie: a softer lens

The movie tones that down. For the most part it follows the original short story with only a few elaborations that IMO don’t change the meaning of the source material by much. Except for the ending. That’s when Ennis’ daughter comes to talk to him, and they have a kind of reconciliation. The movie lets us understand he’s going to be there for her despite not being there before. Ennis also puts some roots down when he installs a mailbox, signaling both finding a place he’ll be connected to again (whereas the Ennis at the end of the short story is still very much adrift, not knowing what tomorrow will bring, not even where he’ll stay) and implying he’ll once again have someone writing to him. This doesn’t exist in the short story. By the end of the story, Ennis’ oldest daughter is already married, they have no special conversation about her wedding, and the only reason why she’s mentioned is that he might have to crash with her for a while if he can’t find any other solution in between jobs. Jack was the love of Ennis’ life, he’s gone, nothing will bring him back, nothing will give them the life they should have had together. There is no comfort, there is no consolation prize in Proulx’s tale. You can’t fix a Greek tragedy. You just gotta stand it.

So the movie is different. It’s not an inevitable tragedy that cannot be escaped and cannot be healed. The film ends instead with an offering that every life (even one in which everything that was ever important to you seems lost and unfixable) can hold some solace. Lost the love of your life? Experiencing immeasurable grief without even having the possibility to talk about it to anyone? You can still be there for your daughter’s wedding. You can still do one thing right. Does that fix it all? No. BBM the movie does recount a tragedy. It does follow a powerful love story and its destruction. But the film isn’t a Greek tragedy, either. You might have lost almost everything because of homophobia, the movie says, but you can have something.

At the same time, something both versions have in common is the title (obviously) which refers to the mountain where Jack and Ennis fell in love, the place that broke their lives and turned them into tragedies. This mountain becomes an image in their minds, a symbol of that moment in time when they were young, in love, happy and had the illusion that they always could be. Both versions tell the story of an all-encompassing love and the devastating effect of losing it due to homophobia, even if the film’s criticism is somewhat softened by the more hopeful ending.

Kinnporsche the Series: breaking the tragedy

On the most basic level, KPTS is easily comparable to BBM because they’re both set in a tough, hyper-masculine, demanding and merciless world. One might argue that Kinn and Porsche are in an even worse version of that than Jack and Ennis, because the mafia world is also a violent one by its very nature, whereas BBM tells the story of a society that is supposed to be civilized, though in reality its violence lies under the surface. The threat of it is very real for gay people, as our protagonists both learn firsthand, but that’s because homophobia provides a small break in the surface where violence can erupt with society choosing to turn a blind eye to it.

But against expectations, Kinn and Porsche exist in a hyper-masculine world that does not fall into the pit of homophobia. It’s not that homophobia doesn’t exist in their world at all. We do know that somewhere out there, people are homophobic in the society that the characters of KPTS live in. The show doesn’t deal too much with it, because our protagonists are simply spared any encounters with this homophobia, at least on screen.

How do we know that it does exist in their society? There are small hints, like Porsche being told in ep 108 that “Love is love” (first stated by Jom, then repeated by Yok). We all know this to be an anti-homophobia statement, and there is no need for it in this world had it been free of that kinda hate. But the matter is most explicitly brought up after Porsche discovers Kinn is gay. It turns out, Porsche is shocked not because of this revelation, but because Big sent him into Kinn’s bedroom, despite knowing about the sexy times happening there. But then Porsche realizes Big expected him to have a homophobic reaction, and so he goes off about that. This moment tells us Porsche himself isn’t homophobic, but he is aware of the existence of such attitudes.

This scene also points to the existence of homophobia in this world by hinting Porsche’s guess regarding Big is correct. After all, Porsche was bragging about having gone to the sauna together with Kinn, and that he would invite Big next time, implying there’s been a change in who is now the favorite bodyguard. Big, who is secretly in love with Kinn, was obviously jealous and wanted to do something that would destroy this newfound closeness. Big sent Porsche into that bedroom to witness Kinn’s gay sexcapades, expecting that the presumed heterosexual Porsche would react in a homophobic manner and would wanna get as far away as possible from their gay boss. In fact, Big lurks outside Kinn’s bedroom, and he’s completely unsurprised to see Porsche fleeing and shocked. Big’s confusion only starts when Porsche explains the actual source of his distress. Big’s bafflement indicates to us that homophobia was, in fact, the reaction that he was counting on.

Last thing about this scene which tells us that homophobia does exist somewhere in the background of KPTS’ world is Kinn’s own reaction. We discover that he was close by and heard the entire exchange between Porsche and Big. If homophobia was not an issue, then Porsche revealing himself to be free of it wouldn’t have mattered to Kinn so much. But instead, we witness this big grin blooming on his face, as he stands there, happy and literally illuminated. We never hear whether Kinn himself had ever suffered homophobia. As a mafia prince, he might have been spared its repercussions. But he’s aware of it enough that he must have known there’s a chance Porsche, who had up until then been straight and assumed others around him to be as well, would be homophobic. That’s what Kinn’s smile tells us, it’s his joy and relief that this guy he’s started having feelings for does not harbor that prejudice. And that whole bit doesn’t work, that smile isn’t anywhere near as meaningful, that scene doesn’t require the metaphor of illumination, unless homophobia does exist in KPTS’ world.

(as a side note, since I brought up Porsche’s sexuality, I’ll mention that in both stories we have guys who are presumed straight by their environment, by the narrative and even by themselves, and who discover their attraction to another man. In neither story do we get clear answers and definitions for how they identify, for example as gay or bisexual, in any modern sense. In Jack and Ennis’ case, claiming their identity by defining it would simply be too dangerous due to the homophobia around, not to mention the bits of it that they have internalized. When it comes to Porsche, there’s no need for labels, because those simply don’t matter to him. “Love is love,” he’s in love with Kinn, and that’s all Porsche needs to know the second that he accepts these feelings. He is unsure at first over never having dated a guy before, but when he talks to Yok about it in 108, he sounds more confused over not knowing how to date than about the fact that he’s looking to romance another guy)

KPTS offers us a hyper-masculine setting that co-exists with homophobia, but is mostly untouched by it. Through all the challenges KPTS’ protagonists have to face, none are about being attracted to another man. If BBM tells us how homophobia destroys people, KPTS presents a picture of how they can thrive in its absence. Because while the finale isn’t complete (as I indicated in my KPTS s2 meta), this show’s ending is still a tale of how love between two men saves the day.

Which brings me to another point. I think the biggest resemblance between KPTS and BBM comes when we consider the tagline for the movie. “Love is a force of nature,” the film’s poster reads, as Jack and Ennis’ portraits take up most of its space, seemingly bigger than the mountain their love was born on. BBM at the end of the day might be about the tragedy of homophobia, but it also affirms the undeniable power of love, so overwhelming that nothing can truly stop it. After all, not even what he experienced as the ultimate rejection could make Jack stop loving Ennis, and death itself couldn’t make Ennis stop loving Jack.

We see something so similar with Kinn and Porsche’s story as well. When they meet, they’re both men who aren’t looking for love or happiness. They’re both settling for just sex. One had been betrayed by a former lover so badly that he doesn’t believe in love anymore, the other has never even given love a chance because he’s too dedicated to raising his kid brother, leaving himself emotionally unavailable for a relationship. But when they meet each other? That’s a whirlwind that throws their lives into disarray, opens them up to love and to the possibility of loving someone who’s different than they expected (Porsche falling for a man, Kinn falling for someone who fights back, unlike the appeasing, docile men he’s been with before), and saves them from being destroyed by hurt even as they experience betrayals of all kinds.

And so unsurprisingly, these two epic love stories have many similarities. KPTS and BBM alike, perhaps precisely because of that hyper-masculine context they portray, give us protagonists whose first time acting on their mutual attraction involves alcohol being consumed by both men. For Kinnporsche, it’s their first kiss in 103, which follows partying up together at Yok’s bar. For Jack and Ennis, it’s the first time they have sex after they’ve drunk so much that Ennis can’t leave the camp for the night by riding away. Which inevitably leads to another similarity between these two couples, that this is a starter happening on a physical level, but it will lead both down a path of emotions realization.

Of course, emotions are complicated, especially for men who aren’t that great at communicating (which tends to be almost all of them when we’re talking about guys who exist in hyper-masculine settings). Jack and Ennis, when they have to part ways and they don’t know how to express the pain of that, they end up throwing punches at each other on their last day on Brokeback Mountain. Similarly, Kinn and Porsche, when they care about each other so much, but the possibility of Vegas coming between them arises, they end up turning to a shove, a slap and some insults, hurting each other because they themselves are in pain. But since this is also just a symptom of how much they care about each other, then eventually, in both cases, it is the depth of their feelings for each other that helps them to overcome their trouble in communication. They return to and help heal each other.

Then, there’s also that understanding and comfort these men offer each other. In BBM, the peak of this is represented in a moment when Ennis pulls an exhausted Jack to him and repeats words he had heard as a kid from his mom. This is the softness and care that drives them out into the wilderness several times a year, no matter what else is happening in their lives, and into each other’s arms. Despite all the hurt Ennis caused Jack on their last day together on Brokeback Mountain and on every occasion when Ennis rejects Jack’s dream of living together, in spite of all other measures Jack turns to in order to deal with the hurt, he never stops seeing Ennis, untangles their shirts or changes his will. On Ennis’ part, even when Alma tells him she knows his secret, even when he realizes his life could be in danger because he and Jack were not as invisible as he thought they were despite their precautions, Ennis doesn’t stop seeing Jack either. They are bonded together. And that’s what we see with Kinn and Porsche, too. No matter what surprises are thrown at them, no matter what betrayals, no matter how reality is twisted around them to make them doubt their own minds, they don’t stop trusting each other. They keep choosing each other throughout the show and especially during the finale. And their trust and understanding is also built on tender moments, similar to the one Jack and Ennis shared, such as when Porsche is taking care of Kinn’s hair, reminiscent of how Kinn says his mother used to do the same for him when he was a kid.

Lastly, these great love affairs aren’t just a bond of compulsion, where they have to return to each other. They’re also a bond of choice, a commitment that they want to make, even if it’s not one that society is ready to recognize. “Jack, I swear,” says Ennis to a pair of shirts he has just hung in his trailer next to a postcard of Brokeback Mountain, two shirts that Jack joined together and Ennis would never put asunder. A symbolic wedding vow. Their own little ceremony that they end up sharing by virtue of Ennis continuing what Jack had started even after he isn’t there anymore. This symbolic commitment is one we also see with KPTS in ep 114, first when we know Kinn is the one who has put a ring on Porsche’s finger (one that matches his own and marks them as partners who lead their extended mafia family together), and second when they exchange their own vows on the boat. It’s the same one where Kinn demanded Porsche’s life as his bodyguard back in ep 101 and was refused, but this time Porsche is committing his whole life to Kinn and is being promised in return that he’d be treasured.

Kinn and Porsche broke the inevitably tragic nature of the BBM world. At the end of it all, it’s not only the relative absence of homophobia that makes the difference. That detail is crucial! Their story would have been completely different if they would have had to cope with what Jack and Ennis did. But another element that makes a difference is the trust in each other that Kinn and Porsche manage to build. I’ve talked about the importance of that in my previous Kinnporsche meta posts (about the sex scene in 107, as well as KPTS s2 meta) and how we can tell that they would have eventually beaten any adversary and all hardships thanks to that. It’s something that Jack and Ennis, as much as they loved each other, didn’t manage to get to. They never learn to trust each other enough to communicate properly. Ennis is afraid of Jack’s wrath when he has to cancel one of their planned meetings, so he keeps it a secret until the very end of their current tryst. Jack knows better than to share with Ennis what he does with other men in order to get over the emotional loneliness he experiences whenever they part. Maybe in a less homophobic society, they would get to where they stop disappointing each other and could have faith in one another.

So that trust that Kinn and Porsche put in each other? That’s actually a huge thing. Because in a sense, Kinn and Porsche’s backgrounds as they unfold at the end of KPTS unveil they easily could have ended up as a tragedy as well. Their story is that of two young men who are caught in a war started before they were even born by Kinn’s cruel grandfather who we never even see on screen. This head of the family is cold and manipulative, turning brother against his own brother and shaping both his sons into being like him. He’s also responsible for violent acts, one of which brings Porsche’s mom as a young girl into the lives of his sons, setting off a whole chain of events that will end with the bloody war between the two mafia families that we witness in the finale. This is precisely the type of background that in Greek mythology curses a whole family and dooms all of its members, even the ones born generations later. In fact, it’s those younger generations who become the very essence of Greek tragedy. They are fated to meet a terrible end no matter what they choose to do, despite them not being responsible for any of the atrocities that curse their family, and their fate is set before they were even conceived.

Kinn and Porsche could have easily become these tragic figures as well. But KPTS breaks the cycle of tragedy through the bond its protagonists created. Where the family of Kinn and Porsche is torn apart by hate and envy, they change the course of their fate by finding love together, as well as a desire to support and make each other happy. And where Jack and Ennis failed to trust each other, Kinn and Porsche manage to build that foundation, and make it a stable one. That’s powerful enough that when the events of the past start surfacing, whether more recent (Vegas and Tawan) or less (Korn and Gun, Porsche’s parents), threatening to tear our lovers’ faith in themselves and the other one apart, they manage to hold on, trust and choose each other still. Which leads us to that last scene on the boat, the one where they commit themselves to one another, sealed by them physically holding each other, safe in the knowledge that they’re truly and completely in love, that they would die for each other, and that, thankfully, now they get to do something better. They get to do what Jack and Ennis could only dream of. They get to live the rest of their lives with each other.

~ * ~

more: (pool sex mini meta) (all my KPTS meta on AO3)

~ * ~

As a bonus, here’s Brokeback Mountain’s theme, and Jeff Satur’s Why Don’t You Stay. They’re not similar, but WDYS’ opening always reminded me a little of bits of the BBM theme.

[lugarn]

get 2 know me meme

tagged by the amazing @brifrischu! tagging @cryptidafter, @the-wanlorn, @sweveris, @chaos0pikachu, @turtlesocksv2, @gayzuko, @osmiabee, @technicallyverycowboy, and anybody else who wants to do it and hasn't done it yet! my answers after the read more for the benefit of mobile & screenreader users.

Do you make your bed?

i have a complex system of blankets that mean i get the benefit from a 'made' bed without having to make it most of the time, but if not for disability i would make my bed every night before i crawled in the way i did pre-chronic pain. it's such a nice feeling.

What’s your favorite number?

it's a tie between 6 and 7. six is my exaggeration number but seven is spiritually and personally meaningful.

What is your job?

the US government pays me to be crazy, but the pay is shit so i cannot recommend. (i'm disabled)

If you could go back to school, would you?

not in a million years. i didn't graduate middle school or high school. i have my GED and got 99th percentile in my scores, so i'm technically a whole ass person, but i fucking hate school.

Can you parallel park?

yes. i don't have my license but i can parallel park and also guide someone else verbally through parallel parking. the secret is that i had my learner's permit for two years and learned how to drive, but i never could get to where i wouldn't have panic attacks while driving or just 100% forget i was driving, so i don't have my license but i know how to drive.

A job you had that would surprise people?

i don't think there's an answer to this question that would surprise anyone because anyone who knows me knows i'm an absolute gremlin who has worked a million kinds of jobs before i was disabled. i've worked in erotica publishing, fast food, retail stores, as a line cook, doing landscaping, sex work, selling drugs, and more!

Do you think aliens are real?

i think aliens are real but i think a lot of ppl who are overinvested in aliens being real have wild ideas about how similar to us the aliens would be.

Can you drive a manual car?

i used to be able to but it's one of those things where i wouldn't feel confident because i haven't done it in over twenty years.

What’s your guilty pleasure?

doll customizing/bjd. it's so expensive but the dolls look so lovely after.

Tattoos?

i have 3 large tattoos; the only thing stopping me from being covered in them is cost.

Favorite color?

jewel tone violet

Favorite type of music?

something i can sing along to. it can be pop, rock, r&b, country, whatever. i just like to sing along to songs.

Do you like puzzles?

i love puzzles so much! jigidi come thru

Any phobias?

no, thank fuck. i've got enough anxiety in my life i don't need more!

Favorite childhood sport?

hide and seek

Do you talk to yourself?

yes? who doesn't talk to themselves, either mentally or outloud? i thought this was just a human normal thing?

What movies do you adore?

i love movies that explore uncomfortable things and/or that take you on a journey and commit to the ideas that they bring up. my favorite BL movies are "beyond the green mountain" and "sei no gekiyaku"; my favorite western movies are too numerous to list but the movies who changed me as a person who watches movies: brokeback mountain, black snake moan, cabin in the woods, and venom.

Coffee or tea?

tea! mostly sweet (black) tea but i love all to put too much sugar in all types of tea.

First thing you wanted to be growing up?

a teacher! i went to college for it briefly before my inability to learn the way schools teach became too much.

[dukeofdelirium]

Let’s talk about something more positive: what are your top 10 gay ships?

Oh god idk if I have 10 but let’s see!

1) lawlight. 1000000000% LAWLIGHT lmao! I’m obsessed. OBSESSED with them. I’ve been obsessed with this ship for over 14 years. They make me actually rabid and crazy like nothing else. Everything about this ship and their dynamic drives me nutty. They are the only real “enemies to lovers” ship I’ve ever gaf about or probably ever will. There’s something sooooo Shakespearean tragedy coded about this pairing and they are genuinely so fun to analyze to me. I’ll never get bored of them!

2) byler! Definitely byler!!! I love this ship so much. Best friends to lovers is always gonna be my favorite overall trope (despite the lawlight obsession) because I just think it’s gahhhh so sweet!! Mike and Will being together will be the perfect conclusion to stranger things imo and I’m so excited for the final season!!

3) korrasami! I remember when they went canon. I was so shocked I didn’t even believe we actually WON with a gay ship. This pairing was groundbreaking for cartoons and is the reason we have gay rep in kids shows now too

4) zukaang! I am a multi shipper so I ship Aang with Katara and Zuko too. I love Zuko and Aang’s dynamic and I think there is a ton of canonical support for this ship, too. I guess they’re technically an “enemies to lovers” but I don’t rlly think of them that way. Anyway, I think they’re cute!

credit to Noquelle for the fanart!

5) patrochilles, obviously there’s the Iliad but there’s also a novel called The Song of Achilles which I highly recommend if you’ve never read it and want gay rep. It’s a beautifully written novel that is about Achilles and Patroclus and makes an argument for the interpretation of them being lovers (which was common in ancient times)

credit to awanqi on Twitter for the fanart

6) frowise??? Samfro???? Sam and Frodo from The Lord of the Rings! I’ve always loved these two. And if you think the films are gay, the books are gayer. They cuddle, hold hands, kiss and tell each other they love each other in the novels. They are precious and I love them soooo much

7) this one’s gonna sound silly but me and my friends ship quimbry (Quil and Embry) from Twilight lmao. We wanted gay rep and then it just kind of snowballed. I have like 7 fanfics on my ao3 written for them …. 😂😂😂 idgaf that they’re fanon either cuz they’re real to me and I’m obsessed with them. My ao3 is the same as my tumblr btw if you wanted to read my fics! it’s dukeofdelirium

8) (edit I can’t believe I forgot them!) WILMON from Young Royals! Such a sweet pairing and I was so obsessed with them when I watched this show. Such a good show too. Highly recommend and the actors had amazing chemistry

9) REDDIE? I remember this one breaking my heart a bit. I’m not a hugely active shipper of it but it’s cute and really sad

10) Jack and Ennis from Brokeback Mountain:(((( this movie really and truly ruined my life and did something to me when I watched it as a 10 yr old. Somethin about growing up in the south as a closeted gay boy…. Heath and Jake were insane in this film their chemistry was nuts

Hmmm I can’t think of anything else at the moment! I’m very particular about the stuff I ship, it rlly has to scratch a niche itch in my brain for me to be really and truly obsessed with it.

Thanks for bringing something positive to the ask box! :) what are your favorite gay ships, anon?

[thursdayglrl]

(there are too many good ones to put all of them in don't think too hard about it of your favorite was excluded)

[rafasbiscuits]

Tagged by @schumi-nadal and @fisherkings thank u for tagging me guys it's always an honour, love youuu😘😘

Rules: post 10 of your favorite comfort mfovies then tag 10 people.

1. X Men movie series. Definitely, absolutely, undoubtedly, comfort movie. X Men. I remember watching the prequels with my brother as a kid when it's only the two of us at home. It's not just a comfort movie it's literally a fricking nostalgia for me. Then continued watching the whole timeline when I had my own computer.

2. STAR WARS MOVIES!!! Been a fan since I was a literal toddler and grew up with this. All sorts of nostalgia will come rushing to me and I will immediately feel hugged everytime I listen to the theme and just, see a familiar character. hey I don't know any lore cause I don't watch the cartoons but I watch enough to know what's going on🤷

3. Mean Girls. Yes, I watch Mean Girls on repeat everytime I eat lunch, it helps me eat cause I get distracted by all the drama going on, it's not nostalgic or anything cause I first watched it like two years ago but it is definitely a favourite and an absolute comfort movie.

4. Any Ghibli movies, I mean cmon, Ghibli!!! All my childhood anime movies are made from Ghibli. I love every single one of themm

5. Any Barbie movies (especially the Mariposa one, and the Princess Academy one and OMG THE MERMAID ONE!!) wait the mermaid one definitely needs its own like thing but I'm just putting it here. THE MERMAID BARBIE IS SO ICONIC I LOVE THAT MOVIE SO SO MUCH omg I have to rewatch

6. Twilight Series. Don't- actually. yes. I don't care anymore, I will not keep denying the fact that I LOVE this movie. It's part of my childhood and this movie really gave me alot of memories, I always watch the series whenever I'm sad or stressed about school..which is, all the time.

7. GOTG trilogy. Ugh, I mean I'm a Marvel fan in general (but I lean more to X Men), but Guardians Of The Galaxy will always be special to me. And the trilogy ended this year too and lemme tell you i CRIED. I remember begging my brother to lend me his USB so I can watch the first movie, and I did (took me a few weeks) and then BAM! Found comfort characters, all their songs became my comfort songs and immediately became a comfort movie, seriously the whole movie feels like home to me, god I love them.

8. Brokeback Mountain. I don't need to say anything about this, explains alot already.

9. Interstellar. Loved that movie to the CORE. watched it on the cinema and this movie made me fall in love with Nolan.

10. mmm I can't think of anything anymore but uhhh 2001: A Space Oddysey. Love it forever and always, the beginning of time and all that, loved the book it's one of my favourite books. And then the movie was just out of this world (literally) soundtrack? Top. Acting? Absolutely fantastic. Cinematography? yES. Perfection. I have an interest in the topic which is why I just feel so happy when I rewatch it..

Tagging...uhhh: @yoellglia @swaggypsyduck @tam-is-blogging @thefrootloopman @hubillusion @jcferrero @bluespring864 @raulsevyn @soronya @janesurlife (I'd love to tag all of you, yes the one who is reading this, but it says 10, I love you all very much tho😘)

[mermaidsirennikita]

caro what are your personal favorite queer romance films?

What a SOLID question my dear lovely perfect babygirl friend!!!

Obviously, I am currently so into Red, White and Royal Blue (actually saw this come in as I was pulling it up to have on). I think it's so lovely, so fun and frothy and romantic. Imo, the roles were perfectly cast, and TZP is SUCH a great Alex. Vulnerable and sexy and also kinda bro-y? He's just THAT GUY. Nick was also great, I loved their chemistry. It's just such a positive movie, and there's actually sex in it (shock). I really loved it.

Fire Island--one of my favorite Pride and Prejudice retellings. Instantly quotable, incredibly funny, heartfelt, and you get two great love stories for the price of one???

My Fake Boyfriend--a hidden gem, super funny, kinda weird in a good way, with a great friendship arc alongside the romance arc.

Imagine Me and You--there's stuff about this one that maybe haven't aged as well, but I still have a soft spot for it! Mostly because of the chemistry between the leads and Hot Florist Lena Headey. I actually completely buy into the love at first sight premise of this movie because it's Lena.

Bros--CONTROVERSIAL BUT BRAVE OPINION this is a solid romcom. Is it perfect? No. Is Billy super annoying irl? Yes. But I actually think this movie has a really good love story, it's kinda hilarious (the I WANNA MAKE LITTLE CHOCOLATES confession gets me every time), the chemistry is great, and I think it hits on some really tough issues that a couple like them would realistically encounter...? That aren't black and white? Idk idk I had such a good time with it.

The Handmaiden--I get why this movie is controversial and I don't think some of the critiques are entirely without merit... But I find it delightfully weird and compelling. So.

Moonlight--I find Moonlight very romantic and even optimistic overall? And that's pretty impressive considering the intense sense of tragedy and melancholia at points in the movie. Like, I kind of hesitate to call this a romance because it's more of a character study, but the love story is also at the core of that character study, so.

Love, Simon--Seems cliche but also this movie hasn't even been out that long? I just really enjoy pining in a teen romance movie, and this nails it.

Honorable Mentions:

Brokeback Mountain--too tragic to really qualify, despite the amazing love story. And I do looove it.

The Favourite--again, too tragic, but also sick and twisted and spellbinding and one of the greatest love triangle arcs onscreen lol

[plasticbag3207]

Intro 2024

My last “intro” was made a year ago today so I thought I’d make a new one :)

Hi, my name is Plastic. My pronouns are they/he, and I’m a queer poc.

Sometimes I make art, but I struggle with motivation & time. More often than not you’ll probably see me rambling. I ramble a lot—and sometimes it’s coherent! (No promises though)

I am going to try and use tags a little more consciously on this blog too, that way things are easy to find and organized.

I like Rock n’ Roll, animals, skiing, movies, and a whole lot more which I’ll put under the cut :)

Things I like!

• Rock N’ Roll (Best genre ever)

• Animals (Especially wolves & reptiles)

• Movies (Brokeback Mountain is my favorite)

• Skiing

• Xenofiction

• Photography (especially nature & film photography)

• Video Games (Favs: RDR2, Planet Zoo, Wolfquest, Minecraft)

Anyone is welcome to approach me, but I am shy & a pretty nervous person so I might not respond right away but any interaction with a post I make is greatly appreciated!

Some Fandoms I’m in/media I like!

• Star Wars

• Warrior Cats

• Hazbin Hotel

• Scott Pilgrim

• TMNT (Rise is my favorite)

• Stardew Valley

I’m not super super into all of these fandoms, but they were all probably a hyperfixation at one point, or are a fandom I’ve been in for a while but not super actively. There are a few more that could be on this list but I probably won’t or haven’t already talked about them on this blog.

I’m not really good at this, but I hope this lets people know who I am a bit more :)

Have a nice day

[tinyferalbeing]

I was tagged by my fellow brokeback friend @minncoe thank u ♡ (tag 9 people you want to get to know better) here's my answers !

3 ships : my current top 3

Kirk and Spock (Star Trek) my space fathers, my comfort characters, me and my dad's favorite serie that we keep on rewatching since 2019, you get it. they're extremely important and meaningful to me 💛 the most husband's of husband's out there

Jack and Ennis (Brokeback Mountain) they're on my mind and in my thoughts everyday,, it still baffles me that after 7 months i have not moved on an inch away from them. my heart will forever be playing The Wings.. I think they mean the world to me. their bond / love is like no other

Din and Luke (Star Wars) art by @pridoo ♡ these two make me emotional in a certain way!! It's going to be 1 year since I found out about this special ship. there's something so comforting about their relationship.. thinking about them always fills my chest with warmth,,,

First ship : Zayn and Liam (One Direction) I was 9 years old when I found out men could be in love with each other ! me and my big sister just got into 1D and she clearly told me zayn and liam had a thing– to witness sO many suspicious moments,, what a time. it surely was an experience I'll never forget

Last song : First love by Utada Hikaru. ༼⁠;⁠´⁠༎ຶ⁠ ⁠۝ ⁠༎ຶ⁠༽ "yOU ARE ALWAYS GONNA BE MY LOVE" !!!!! this song was made to break hearts and to personally murder mine. I'm a sucker for love songs,,

Last movie : Star Wars IX Rise of Skywalker. finally got to watch it!! I really enjoyed it :]

Currently reading : Kilari. my childhood animeee T0T💞 and one of my favorites! i want to finish reading the manga but I want to watch the entire anime so bad too!!! cuz I've never seen every episode~

Currently watching : Ouran high school host club. I'm at the 5th episode and i love it so much. it was in my to watch list since last year and I wanted to fall into a unique anime and it was exactly what I needed! >.o👍🏻

Currently consuming : last consumed a yogurt

Currently craving : vanilla milkshaaaake

taggiiiing : @mon-masu @k-ky @lonesome-dreamsss @wwapich @1shirt2shirtredshirtdeadshirt @ciel019

[queen-beefcake-sqx]

Get to know questions:

-Jasmine

-Taro

-Papyrus

Please 🌻

Absolutely and also including Ivy from @teriyakiaqi so they’re all in one post!

taro ⇢ if someone called you right now to catch up, what’re the things you’d tell them about?

I’d tell them about my road trip back home to Washington! Today’s leg is going to take us up to some hot springs in Idaho which is where we’re spending tomorrow. I also would tell them how much job hunting sucks after having a stable well-paying job for four years lmao.

jasmine ⇢ do you have a movie or book you loved but will never watch/read again?

Oooo this is a good one. For movie probably Brokeback Mountain and maybe Carol — they are beautiful examples of formative queer media for me that I highly recommend but hit far too damn close to my own experiences and traumas for me to enjoy without flashbacking for half the film. Carol’s “I release you” scene especially guts me.

For book, probably Let the Right One In. Again another piece of formative queer literature that really did a much better job than the film at telling a very beautiful love story in the middle of so much man-made horror (and I highly recommend it for anyone who can stomach depictions of child abuse/predation, because it does have one of the most hopeful endings in a horror novel I’ve ever read). But it’s thick, incredibly thick, and you have to slough through a lot of Horrible People Doing Horrible Things before Oscar and Eli earn their happy ending. The film does a good enough job that I’m satisfied just watching it on repeat and mentally filling in the gaps in my head.

papyrus ⇢ if you put your ‘on repeat’ playlist on shuffle, what’s the first song that comes up? what do you like about it / associate it with?

“Have a Nice Day” by Bon Jovi. It’s on my Speedfreaks FM Kim Kitsuragi playlist, which I’ve been listening to a ton. It’s probably my favorite Bon Jovi song — I remember when it came out I’d blare it in my room and just belt it because it felt so empowering. I had a ton of “pick yourself back up when the world wants you dead” songs I listened to as a teen and this one was top three at least.

ivy ⇢ what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired?

I don’t shut up when I’m happy, I’m like Robin from Stranger Things where I’ll just go and go and I have to actively pull myself back from info dumping or talking forever about whatever has me excited. I’m also a hand talker. More hand/body movements = more excited. The quieter I get the more likely I’m tired, angry, or upset about something and I’m busy taking myself down in my head.

[cowboylikeekatie]

all 35 lol tysm for answering those 2 tho!!

okay here i go!

6: i get mistaken usually around 15-16, it’s close to my age tho so it doesn’t matter

7: i don’t have any tattoos! i want to get a little disco ball tattoo when i’m older because of mirrorball by taylor swift:)

8: i just answered this one ^^

9: i have my ears pierced but other than that no piercings!

10. i want either a bellybutton piercing or double ear lobes!

11. my best friends name is richie! i forgot his tumblr so i can’t tag him tho!

12. i’m taken! i have the sweetest bf ever:)

13. i’m not going to answer my turn ons because idk

14. turn offs uh i hate when people r like really just mean?

15. my favorite movie huh i wonder…(IT 2017) (or brokeback mountain)

16. i’ll love you if you let me ramble about my hyperfixations or even better if u love them too and reply to me and we can discuss

17. i miss my grandpa because he’s like dead

18. my most traumatic experience was like probably having one of my closest friends in the past like… manipulate me into a lot of stuff, idk i don’t wanna vent so i’m not going to go into detail but it sucked

19. a fact about my personality is probably that i’m like very anxious, i talk fast i ramble fast i rant a lot it’s just a me thing idk

20. the thing about myself i probably hate the most is that i’m really avoidant without realizing it? if i start to actually be close to someone i’ll usually just get distant, or my weight. my insecurity about my weight used to be a lot worse but i just try to ignore it now

21. the thing i love most about myself is that i’m really goal oriented. i love to work hard to do something

22. OOH i love this question! when i’m older i want to be a child psychologist or a pediatrician! i want to go to yale (in connecticut) or to colby college (which is in maine)

23. my relationship with my brother used to suck a lot because we argued so much but i think we’ve gotten closer

24. me and my parents get along super well! they’ve always told me i can do whatever i want and they’re so kind.

25. my idea of a perfect date depends on the person? idk maybe a picnic

26. my biggest pet peeves are snoring and mouth breathers sorry

27. a description of the boy i like uh he’s my age, he’s probably 4 ish inches taller than me i think, he has brown hair

28. the person i dislike the most is taller than me, she’s 2 years older, uh idk

29. i try not to lie but i did have a friendship where i lied to them because i was scared they’d be mad

30. i hate the stress of it, like i’m academically motivated but i’m really scared of getting in trouble or being late to class

31. my last text message is “your gonna be my twin for twin day during spirit week right? i actually think that’ll be easy because we shop at a lot of the same places”

32. being called fat is the word that upsets me the most

33. i enjoy being called smart

34. in women i like when they’re taller, uh masc, that’s it

35. in men i like when they’re taller, glasses, long hair

36. connecticut! i want to live somewhere colder

37. my weight is one of my insecurities

38. i wanted to be a rockstar when i was little

39. coffee is my fav ice cream flavor!

okay thanks 🫡

[solareias]

I was tagged by the lovely @aeide in the 10 favorite movies challenge!

Gladiator. No movie will ever make me feel the way this movie does -- it is just pure happiness for me that is evoked whenever it starts playing. Don't even get me started on the soundtrack too!! Also Joaquin Phoenix makes for some amazing eye candy in this film :D

2. Wonder Woman (2016). This is another movie that rocked my world. When it dropped in 2016, I was still a teenager and it literally changed my whole perception of myself and I adore it to this day. Also love that the actress who plays Hippolyta looks IDENTICAL to my Mom and I lowkey look like Wonder Woman; so it made it extra special :)

3. Avatar: The Way of Water. This movie was INSANE. My jaw was on the floor the entire time with the graphics/CGI and the acting was insane. While I am not super invested in the series/lore, this movie always comes to mind when I think of best movies I have ever seen. I am genuinely SO psyched for the next movie in this series.

4. The Blues Brothers. I was raised on this movie so it holds a special place in my heart.

5. Monty Python and the Holy Grail. No movie has ever made me cry laughing before besides this one (and Life of Brian). A+ jokes that I quote to this day.

6. Monty Python; Life of Brian. Same as above but make it Roman.

7. 300. Classicists forgive me.. I hate this movie with a BURNING passion but the only thing that makes me include this movie on my tier list is the killer soundtrack and the hotness that is Gerard Butler. (Hope I get me a man like that fr fr). Other than that, it is a positive cringefest for every history fan!

8. All Quiet on the Western Front. This was a movie that was amazingly shot and had me thinking about for days after. Absolutely heart wrenching.

9. Brokeback Mountain. Gay cowboys, my beloved. Hurts the heart but we love it (especially since I grew up on a farm and have always ridden horses/been exposed outright to cowboy culture).

9. Woman in Gold. I love this movie and I love the art of Gustav Klimt so so much. Making this post reminded me that I am overdue for a rewatch of the film!!!!

10. Alien: Prometheus. I think my best friend would have my head if I didn't add this one in.. Soundtrack is amazing and I love the lore of the universe! (I am also horrified of David :) )

And I tag.. anyone who sees this and is interested. Please. I beg. I would tag my mutuals but I am terrified of bothering/inconveniencing y'all at this late ass hour LOL

[kojoty]

One of our Outreach patrons came to the library today and he's this older gentleman like all of our Outreach patrons, all of the people who live at Assisted Living are usually older stuff like that. And he was just sweetheart he was trying to figure out how to watch a movie on his iPad he didn't want the physical copy because he doesn't have a DVD player so I was trying to help him through that but he had a problem he didn't know what the movie was called or any of the actors that were in it and he didn't really know the plot either. So we were having some trouble trying to narrow it down and I was like okay do you remember anything about this movie he was like well the man and the the other man, they have other relationships and you know, they're bisexual. I was like okay that's not really clear, but... are you looking for a swinger movies? like a movie about swingers things like that? "yeah I think so."

So we do another 10 minutes of searching just looking around trying to figure out when this was made who would be in it and then I like look him up and down and I'm noticing the way he's been interacting with me and talking to me and there' just a very earnest nature to him even though he's not very familiar with that technology or anything but I go hmm. is it... Brokeback Mountain? and he goes YES yes oh I love thatove! I was like I love that movie too! One of my favs! And he says it's one of his favorites, too. Incredible thing to hear from a man in his seventies.

And he was just like thankful we were working on the technology together and at one point he just like leaned forward and he holds my hand so gently and with such a deep and profound amount of a clear need to touch, and he compliments my rings. he just has this like genuine look of just like connection and I realize oh my gosh this old man is queer himself and you know he is probably getting a lot of a lot of meaning out of this younger very visibly queer person helping him and connecting with a movie over him and assisting him and taking time out of their day to do this. He definitely read me as a young gay man. Which is also tremendously meaningful to me too like I've been trying not to cry about it all day especially on a day where i'm like you know in a tremendous amount of pain right now and ended up leaving work early and stuff. And it was just. God I love our community.

Something heals in the soul to hold the hand of an old queer man, an actual elder of ours, and it's a tragedy its such a rare event. Likewise, so many of our gay elders are so cut off from the modern community for various reasons, and they need that connection too. I'm just in love with the existence of LGBT gentleness, connection, and love.

[jechristine]

@artsimpourtzi tagged me (thank you!) to post the posters of my nine favorite film, and this was fun if frustrating. I decided to go with the films that bring me joy, that I rewatch the most often, that I love love.

Nothing compares to Dirty Dancing. This is my favorite. It gets better upon every watch.

Best Worst Movie is documentary about the making of terrible film Trolls 2. It’s so funny, fun, surprising, endearing, such an original, such a joy.

Muppets Take Manhattan was my favorite childhood movie. There are parts that haven’t aged well (around the character of Animal in particular), but Miss Piggy still steals the show and remains one of the greatest female romcom protagonists of all time.

Much Ado isn’t even in my top 10 favorite Shakespeare plays, but Branaugh’s take of it is probably the best Shakespeare film adaptation that I’ve seen. What a cast, what a pleasure.

Roman Holiday is so utterly charming it’s nearly unbearable.

Brokeback Mountain is one of the saddest, most beautiful love stories. My heart aches for Health Ledger just recalling it.

I saw The Wicker Man (1973) randomly at a classic films theater that I used to live near, not long before I began studying, among other things, English medieval drama. There’s no Florence Pugh, but this is the ancestor of Midsommer, and it’s nearer to my heart. It’s so creative, so bizarre and surprising, such a good horror movie that does it’s own thing.

Moana is definitely my favorite Disney movie. I love the music, the characters, the story. I know all the words to all the songs (and basically to the script, too). I love watching my little girl love it.

Moulin Rouge almost didn’t make this list, but if I’m being honest this is my comfort movie. Ewan and Nicole are mesmerizing and endlessly charismatic and warm and inviting. The whole thing is gorgeous and chaotic and fun.

I tag @lila-rae @wetheoriginals @annieginny @mimiofmiami

[alexxmason]

📝🎥🌎💃 for the emoji asks

Thank you bestie 💕✨💕✨💕✨💕✨💕✨💕

About me emojis

📝 - Story from your childhood.

I remember being at the beach one year with my friend and my family. We were enjoying the ocean and running in and out, well running out I somehow ended stepping on some crab claw and it hurt me pretty badly and my friend had to carry me out of the water. We are still friends too!

🎥 - Top 5 favorite movies?

Very hard off the top of my head. But 1) Friend Green Tomatoes 2) Steel Magnolias 3) The Lost Boys 4) Overboard 5) Brokeback Mountain

🌎 - A country you would visit?

Ireland. Someone said it’s just green and earthy, and it’s so beautiful. I’d like to check myself one day.

💃 - Can you dance?

I’m colonized so no 😭😭😭😭 but I’m trying to learn. Thank you tiktok