#BUT i think it's eventful enough? especially for a first book like they're supposed to just be the groundworks anyway right

[chaepink]

DAY 8: 7 MINUTES IN HELL | RUINED ORGASM

tanjiro is just so innocent and adorable that you can't help be mean to him when the two of you are paired up for 7 minutes in heaven

⋆ ࣪. ❤︎ PAIRING ⸻ tanjiro kamado x reader

⋆ ࣪. ❤︎ WARNINGS ⸻ dom!reader, mean!reader, shy!virgin!tanjiro, dom/sub dynamics, praise, dacryphilia, begging, hand job (in a cramped closet), ruined orgasm, mention of drinking, college au, 7 minutes in heaven

⋆ ࣪. ❤︎ WORDS ⸻ 2.5k words

KINKTOBER EVENT

It was supposed to be a harmless party. You only went there for the food and for some fun with your friends, not to flirt or hookup with anyone. But when one of your friends dragged you to a crowd of people, telling you that they were playing 7 minutes in heaven, you were too tipsy to say no.

So here you are, sitting in a circle with some strangers and friends as the glass bottle in the middle spins around to decide which two people would go into a closet and do who knows what.

Minutes pass as the first pair gets chosen which turns out to be one of your friends and her crush. Good for her, you think, watching as they make their way towards the closet designated for this game.

Seven minutes pass and you hear an alarm ring to signal the end of the first pair.

You grimace a little when you see two people exit the closet, the girl giggling and the guy smirking at his friends with a hand around her waist. You see them leave the room and your mind immediately assumes they're going to fuck later.

Maybe you should leave the game, you're not really looking for a hookup at the moment nor a significant other.

"andddd the next pair is [name] and tanjiro! Please make your way towards the closet over there."

You snap out of your train of thought and widen your eyes, your head snapping towards the middle. You weren't expecting to be chosen so early in the game, especially with such a huge group playing.

Normally the person you usually get paired up with isn't your type, which ends up with the two of you just sitting in the closet in awkward silence as the seven minutes count down.

But as you look up from the bottle in the middle take a look at tanjiro, you can't help but think he's rather cute with his face already bright red, pretty eyes, and stuttered replies to his friends' teasing.

You remember seeing him around a few times as well as in a few of your classes at the back of the room by himself. He's always either reading a book or typing on his laptop.

The one time you two were paired up for a class project he was still quiet but weirdly enough, he avoided your eye contact whenever you were talking to him and throughout the whole project, he was all red and stuttering. You assumed that he didn't like social interaction and that's why he was acting so weird with you.

Even now, you haven't even realized that he was at the same party as you.

As you stand up, you see him sneaks a glance at you and he only turns even redder when he notices that you've caught him looking at you. To ease his nerves, you offer him a small smile which he quickly turns away from.

Your friends loudly cheer you on and you can only laugh at them, rolling your eyes at how drunk they are.

You make your way to the designated closet and open it to find a dimly lit room. You sit on the floor, patiently waiting for tanjiro. The strong smell of alcohol floods your nose and you slightly cringe.

Seconds pass and a small thought in your head wonders if tanjiro is actually going to enter or not. It would be awkward enough for you two to just sit here in silence but it would be even worse if he didn't come in at all and you were left to spend all seven minutes in here alone.

Your thoughts get interrupted by a quiet knock and a certain squeaky voice asking a question.

"Can i- Can i c-come in?" There's a slight pause and before you can answer, you hear the same voice speak again . "P-Please?"

You giggle at his cute mannerism and the way he nicely asked to enter.

"Yes tanjiro, you can come in." From outside the door, tanjiro feels his heart beat faster at the way his name came from your mouth. Even though you said it rather normally, it was the fact he heard you, his crush, say his name.

The door opens and you see Tanjiro enter, noticing the faint blush still on his face and the nervous expression that he has on.

He shuts the door and hesitates where to sit on the floor before he opts to sit side to side with you—far enough so that he hopes you wouldn't feel uncomfortable but still rather close due to how little room the closet offered.

The two of you just sit there in awkward silence as you take glances at the boy from the corner of your eyes. You notice him blush a little and let out a nervous cough before turning his head to look away from you, leading you to realize he may have noticed you looking at him.

"Oh sorry." You curse at yourself for embarrassing yourself like that before you quickly regain your composure. "We don't have to do anything if you don't want to, of course. Like we can do what we're doing right now and sit here in silence the entire time."

You notice him cringe at the mention at how, instead of doing what you're normally supposed to do during 7 minutes of heaven, the two of you are just sitting here in silence.

But its not as if tanjiro thinks he has the guts himself to even do anything with you in this closet. He's sure he'll make a fool out of himself if he even tried to talk to you!

You realize what you just said and widen your eyes. You place a hand between the two of you as you lean your face closer to him to apologize. Tanjiro has to hold back a shiver when he feels your body coming closer.

"I didn't mean it like that it's just-"

You can't find anything else to say as words die on your tongue but soon your eyes start to roam his body, noticing the way he's sitting. His right knee is pressed against his chest as his left is straightened across the floor, leading you to notice the rather obvious bulge in his pants.

"Holy shit are you hard right now?"

You notice him freeze up before quickly bringing his left knee to his chest, covering his bulge from you.

"N-No."

Even with the dim light, you're sure your vision didn't betray you. You lean even closer to him, the alcohol in you only giving you more confidence. You grin at the blush on his face.

"Don't try to hide it, i'm sure i saw correctly Tanjiro." Deciding to have a little fun with him, you move to whisper into his ear.

"You know, i can help you if you want." Tanjiro shivers at the feeling of your hot breath on his ear as he tries to silence a whimper but you hear it anyways.

He squeezes his legs together and covers his face with his arms.

"Please." You barely hear the small plea he lets out but you grin when you realize what he's begging for.

"Please what, hm?" You tilt your head at him in feign confusion. He slowly raises his head to look at you with a flushed face and tears in his eyes.

"Please help me, it hurts."

Something in you yells for you to absolutely make those tears in his eyes fall and you coo at him as you begin to crawl towards him, leading him to quickly move backwards and into a wall.

You have him backed against a wall as he squeezes his eyes shut, avoiding your stare yet again. His legs are slightly open and you use your hands to push them apart, exposing his his bulge to you.

Your hand ghosts over the bulge, making him gasp.

"When did you get this, huh? Did i cause this?" He nods slowly and you tap his cheek with your other hand. "Words, baby. I can't do anything if I don't know what you're thinking about."

Tanjiro whines at the pet name as he slowly opens his mouth to answer.

"Y-Yes." Your heart swells at how adorable he's being as you ghost over the bulge again.

"That means i have to fix it, doesn't it? Since i caused it in the first place."

He immediately widens his eyes and looks at you. Before he could say anything, you place your full hand on the bulge and squeeze. Tanjiro throws a hand over his mouth to muffle the moan he let out but you quickly shove the hand away with a 'tsk'.

"I wanna hear how good im making you feel, tanjiro. Let out your noises for me, alright?" Tanjiro can only open his mouth but nothing comes out, the words he was going to say dying on his tongue.

So he nods. He awaits another squeeze but instead your hand trails up his pants and grips the waist of his pants, feeling the heat radiating from his body.

"Be a good boy and take this off, yeah?" You don't have to say it twice as Tanjiro rushes to follow your command, quickly unzipping his pants and shimmying out of it before haphazardly throwing it somewhere in the cramped closet. Then he sits back down in front of you, eyes wide and waiting for your next order.

His obedience and rush to follow your commands only spurs you on even more.

Your eyes rake his body and you watch as Tanjiro turn shyer after realizing how he just acted. Your eyes trail from his red face to his still covered chest and down to his crotch where the bulge is still visible.

Squinting your eyes a little, you're able to make out a small wet patch on his underwear where his dick is. God, is he so pathetic.

You lazily trail your nail up and down his dick, a mere thin material separating you from where you know Tanjiro wants you the most.

Sure you could just make him cum right then and there but of course, whats the fun in that?

A sly grin appears on your face.

"You're already so hard and I've barely really done anything, isn't that right?" You can't help but laugh, making Tanjiro turn red in shame and embarrassment.

"What? It's almost like you're a virgin or something." Tanjiro halts at that and his reaction makes realization dawn on you. Oh.

"Shit, are you actually a virgin?" You raise your eyebrows when Tanjiro shyly nods. But weirdly enough, you don't mind that he's a virgin. Something in you screams for you to absolutely ruin him.

"If thats so," you murmur at him. "Then don't worry, i'll make you feel good."

Without hesitation, you slip his dick out of his underwear, revealing it to the cold air which makes Tanjiro shiver. You notice how red it is, most likely from how uncomfortable it was in his pants. Wrapping a hand around it, you watch as pre drips from the tip and down. Slowly, you begin to pump his dick up and down.

Tanjiro chokes on his spit as the sudden shock of pleasure. The tightness and warmth of your hand and the way you're squeezing his dick has him throwing his head back against the wall. His jaw goes slack at the addicting feeling. He's masturbated before but nothing can compare to how you're stroking and touching his dick.

Soon enough, whines and moans—all coming from him—fill the room. It's not long till you begin to speed up, your thumb rubbing his tip and gathering the pre that escaped from the top.

The contrast of your softness before and your demeanor now has his head spinning.

"O-Oh god."

"How's it feel, Tanjiro?" You say, teasingly. Sure his adorable noises that are loud enough for someone outside the door to hear tell you enough about how he's feeling but you think it'll be cute if he tries to tell you verbally.

"It f-feels so good. Please- ah! Please! K-Keep going.."

He squeezes his eyes shut and bites his hand to keep his noises quiet. You notice small tears threatening to fall from the corner of his eyes.

"Let those tears fall, Tanjiro. I want to see you cry from how good you're feeling."

He feels something weird stirring in his stomach at that. Something inside him wants to listen to your orders, to have you praise him. So when the pleasure continues to rack up his body, he feels those tears falling down his face. You feel him begin thrusting into your fist eagerly and you coo at him. His dick begins to leak out even more pre, coating your hand in the substance.

"So eager, aren't you?" He nods rapidly, preferring not to say anything in fear on embarrassing him due to just the amount of noises escaping him. The room floods with the wet sound of your hand against his dick. It sounds so lewd that Tanjiro lets out a whimper.

"Such a good boy."

The feeling in his stomach grows bigger and its almost like a coil about to snap. He feels the need to tell you.

"[N-Name] please! I'm so c-close pleasepleaseplease-"

He speeds up his thrusting, wanting so bad to get to his high. It feels so close yet so far but when you suddenly lift your hand off his throbbing dick, his orgasm suddenly feels too far. The loss of warmth around his dick hits him before the lack of pleasure does and he's quick to snap his eyes open to look at you.

He panics at the feeling of his orgasm fading away and he quickly grabs your hand.

"W-Wait please!"

You click your tongue in displeasure, making Tanjiro instantly drop your hand. You admire the sight in front of you. His hair is ruffled up, button up shirt stained a little from his cum, and dick out and hard. The position he's in looks so sinful with his legs spread out to show his whole body to you.

"[Name] why did you stop!" He cries out, feeling his dick throb. It's so hard it hurts. "I-I was so close!"

You only give him a small smile. "You haven't been keeping track of the time have you?"

He doesn't get it but then it hits him, the game you two have been playing. Though before he could say anything else, he hears a voice shout from outside.

"7 minutes is up!"

He stares at you in shock. Did you know that it was almost time and that's why you teased him like that? Realization dawns on him, you're so mean.

"Did you-" You slightly shrug but the grin on your face gives it away. You knew that time was almost up and so you gave him the pleasure of a handjob only to rip away the feeling at the last second. You gave him a glimpse of what actual pleasure feels like and left him addicted and wanting more.

Tanjiro can only stare when you stand up to brush off your pants. "Well you heard them, time's up."

You grin at him and make your way towards the door, feeling his eyes on you the entire time. But before you leave him in the closet, you decide to tease him just a little more.

"Find me after this party, alright? Maybe next time we can do something longer than 7 minutes."

And then you shut the door, leaving Tanjiro blushing red and hoping to run into you later again. Sure, you're mean. But he realizes how much he loves it when you are.

note: lol this is so unrealistic cause this is def longer than 7 minutes. its fiction tho

🏷️: @Vealize21 @fabitheraven @sourissue @jksstuffposts @gallantys @tired-of-life-86 @ineedsleeporilldie @aphoneixnamed-angel @flawlessvictorymentality @wowonamo @euphiroo @saintravey @tomiokx @archer-fb @d1gitalbathh @lifesucksweswallow @rxflen @Aspengagrimlin @ilovemenwhowhimperandbeg @laraleafs @vampcubus @22rhianna2006 @katebaku7710 @mysicklove @uniquebeautylove1 @willburzone

[i-like-anything-water]

Chlonette Angkas AU:

Chloe is still attention deprived from her parents despite doing everything she can think of to gain their approval (especially her mother's). One day Adrien takes her to a motorcycle road racing event and she fell in love.

Her parents didn't notice the sudden purchase since they were used to their daughters sudden shopping sprees.

She becomes a pro at age 20 and has been competing since she was 18 (idk shit about motorcycle racing lmao) with Adrien and Kagami accompanying her.

She almost gets into an accident, a month before her 21st birthday. Her parents finally notice.

She's scolded and grounded.

She tries to get her way, explaining how it was her passion and she hasn't felt alive in such a long time. She's even threatened to leave and disown herself (can she do that though??? Lol xD)

Her father hesitates. He loves her daughter and he feels guilty that he's taken up too much time with their business and upcoming campaign to spend time with her. Her mother still hasn't budged.

It was when Andre realized he was losing to the public's votes did he realize that he and Chloe could strike a...deal.

"Honey, I agree on you going back to your...erm, game. But you must accomplish an errand first." "Oh, yes! Anything, Daddy. I am your daughter after all. What errand is it?"

Chloe is grumbling and complaining on the first day of being an Angkas driver. As per her father's request, it would look good for him and their family if they helped out in the community especially the laborers.

"I don't wanna get near those commoners! What if they attack me?!" "Darling, they're nice people. Er, I didn't think you would have opted to be in the cleaning department...and you do love racing..." A sigh.

She's not accustomed to driving for other people so she gets complaints on her first day. "Are you crazy?! I almost died!" "God I thought I saw you for a second." "I'm gonna tell my family I love them every day if you're my driver." "Your hair looks ugly in that helmet." The last one she may have purposely suddenly stopped the bike and well...

It was on her second week did she get a customer that was her age, maybe younger. She didn't say anything. Chloe wasn't surprised, she looked like shit. Ew, seriously were all people not taking an effort in their looks?

"How fast do you want me to be?" If there was sarcasm, the customer didn't notice. She merely shrugged and said, "Depends on you."

Well, okay then.

It's only when they got to their destination did her customer looked both shocked, thrilled, and fear.

"holy shit I'm not late! Holy shit, I'm not late! How fast did you go?"

Chloe shrugs, "Not fast enough to break the law."

She learns her customer's name is Marinette. How? Because she was a customer and they used an app, obviously.

She was actually...happy. it's been a long time (it's been a week) since she ran that fast (there was numerous tickets already) and she kinda wished she'd book her again (Marinette doesn't look too concerned for herself which was both worrying and 'it's not my business but still').

She gets Chloe again and this time she recognizes the familiar helmet and jacket. Marinette offers her a smile to which Chloe rolled her eyes at. Affectionately. Not! God damn it she was not that gay.

It's only when she wasn't cursing at the world or busy thinking how ugly her customers are did she notice Marinette's arms around her and oh.

Oh they almost ran a red light. Oops.

"I thought you were supposed to be good at this?" "Good at what?! Driving?!" "Making sure your customers don't die or end up in jail!"

They bicker along the way which earns them curious looks.

It becomes a routine and Chloe definitely did not harass inform the other drivers that Marinette was hers. To drive!

They once stopped at McDonald's because Marinette forgot to eat. "Don't you have your maid to prepare your meals?" The drive thru cashier and Marinette could only stare at each other, silently exchanging the money and food.

During their journey to Marinette's apartment (she mentioned it during the third ride) to her school, they talked. Well, screamed because traffic is shitty. But it's fine, it keeps Chloe entertained for the time being. Only one more month and Daddy's campaign is over.

Marinette's is...okay. Fine, maybe she was fun to talk to. And maybe she did give Chloe a cupcake or whatever new recipe she had on before they went to school. And maybe she was sometimes, on the rarity, like very rare times! She looked...nice.

She thinks the pollution has finally gotten to her. Being exposed to this much pollution and people is making her sick because.... because Marinette keeps getting prettier everytime she picks her up and this is not fucking fair.

"I think I like her." Her coworker, a father of two kids only looked at her, mid chew on his bread. Chloe realized what she said and panicked, but before she could scream and curse, he smiled and swallowed. "I think you do, Miss."

It was during the first week of the next month did Adrien visit her. He was also busy with class and modeling. Once the day of them hanging out was over, he gave her a hug and said, "It's okay. She seems like a nice girl. Try to ask her out, yeah?"

Asking out girls without your fancy pictures or perfectly (elaborate) planned speech was harder. Marinette walked out the door with her hair in a bun, some strays of hair making it look like bean sprouts and she looked halfway to passing out. Chloe thought she looked beautiful.

"Shit."

It ends with them pinning for almost two months and then the confession and their cute dates. If I have time I'll continue this but viola, them...just, them.

[ferretwhomst]

hello i would like to hear more about your gman headcanons?

did u also know that you are so so cool and amazing

OH MY GOD THANK YOU SKDSJA YOURE SO SWEET

okok so gman. my favorite blorbo, that yoinky sploinky of All Time, the scrunklo spingly. here we go!!!!!

i like to think he's supposed to be like, all-knowing in terms of humanity, which adds to his whole omnipotent god thing. but ... obviously this only really extends to the hl universe and a full understanding of modern pop-culture or even just!!! modern culture was never programmed into his ai (which is pretty obvious considering the game is from 1998 and the events of hl take place during like. early 2000s? but still). so he can explain to you the biological make up of any alien from xen but he doesn't know how to pronounce meme sfdmjkdjsa

in fact, when tommy chose the last name coolatta for both of them he probably didn't know that it wasn't an actual human surname for the longest time and didn't understand why it always got him and tommy weird glances from people. only when tommy orders a coolatta the next time they're at a dunkin' donuts does gman Realize lmao

he's probably the sort of guy to dramatically read books by candlelight during a thunderstorm at night but he's actually reading nerdy little fantasy novels and fairy tales because he absolutely adores how humans imagine otherworldly intelligent life forms. he also probably likes studying human psychology; he may know a lot about humans due to his programming but he likes truly Understanding how their lil brains work. that's something which he was never required to know, but he always wanted to learn- and now he finally has a chance to :)

i feel like once gman detaches himself from the idea of his employers holding him back, he feels so much more comfortable just doing Person Things. like he gets to remind himself that he IS a person and not just someone's subordinate. after awhile he decides one of his favorite People Things is cooking (autism be damned my boy can GRILL!!!!!!), especially for other people.

and not unlike tommy, he also likes engaging in more "childish" activities like fingerpainting and coloring pages and legos n stuff. he finds it relaxing :) and besides he likes finding excuses to spend time with tommy

anyways um i think abt him a lot. if you couldn't tell SDFHKCKSA

bonus doodle below because.... my beloveds. Ignore tommys legs they look silly ik/lhj

also thank you for sending in an ask in the first place !!!!!! im so glad to meet another gman enjoyer out in the wild. he is just so silly and not enough people talk about it </////////3

[romeulusroy]

hello! i would like to request a ship, if that’s okay! my name is caitlin , and i am biromantic + asexual. pronouns are she/her. i am 5’9, brown hair and brown eyes. i think the people i usually go for are the ones who can make me smile and sort of get me out of my own head- I’m a very inner-focused sort of person, so when someone actually makes me want to engage with them and can make me smile and laugh, it’s something that i really value. one of my biggest insecurities is probably my weight, im a little on the heavier side and that is something that has really hindered me mentally in the past, though i have been becoming more accepting of myself and my body recently. i love painting and reading and writing, like i would definitely say im a quality time kind of gal and would love to do these things with my partner. i also love graphic design. favorite book is this is how you lose the time war and favorite movie is howl’s moving castle. i absolutely love dogs (specifically bichons), hate spiders (and just bugs in general). i hope this is enough, thank you so much in advance!!

Hi my love! I ship you with: Greg Hirsch!!!

He loves your body. He knows that you can be insecure about your body, your weight especially, but he doesn't see a single flaw. You're perfect just the way you are, and he needs you to know that. He's very touchy, very affectionate, wanting you to know that he loves every part of you, even the ones you don't particularly love or even like. He hates when you get down on yourself, when your thoughts stop you from doing something or wearing something because you don't think you should. He also loves your laugh. Greg is a pretty awkward guy, so whether or not he's trying to joke around, people genuinely laugh at him. He doesn't really mind, as long as they're happy. But you? Greg would slip on a banana peel and fall on his ass if it meant he got to hear your laugh again. It's music to his ears. The sound of your laugh, especially when it's with him or after he's made a joke, makes the blood rush to his face. He's always trying to bring you out of your shell like that.

You love his height. Greg is so tall so it makes him a bit awkward, a bit gangly. He doesn't mean to show it off so much, but he can't help it when you need a book off the highest shelf. He's more than happy to get it for you. His hugs are the best, he's all arms. You feel small and protected walking with him, enjoying the height difference. He looks great once he finds a suit that actually fits. Before, without your help, the seams ended at his ankles and wrists. With your help though, he finally has a closet full of clothes that fit.

Your relationship is funny. Greg brings you out of your shell so easily, effortlessly. In doing so, you share all your greatest loves with him. You watch your favorite movie under a blanket with a bucket of popcorn. It takes him forever, but he does read your favorite book so you can talk about it. He sends you lots of bichon puppy videos throughout the day, even when he's supposed to be hard at work. You spend a lot of time together just doing simple thing: reading, cooking, doing separate things on your phones in the same room. There's no need to fill the silence, it's a comfortable kind of quiet.

Your first date isn't actually a date. You started talking at a work event, neither of you too thrilled about the amount of people stuffed into Logan's home. You get talking about work, co-workers, the boss and his crazy family. It's there that he falls in love with your laugh, that he falls for you. You both know that it wasn't really a first date, but by the end you were both so nervous it basically felt like it.

Relationship Headcanon: Greg absolutely takes care of the spiders for you. He's not afraid of them at all. He thinks they're kinda cute, even. He usually just cups them in his hands and lets them go outside, waving goodbye to his new friend. He thinks it's cute that you're scared of them, funny, though he knows better than to hold them up to you and show them. He names them all too, assuring you that Frank and Dan and Steve would never, ever hurt you.

Hope you like it! 💜💜💜

[hylialeia]

finished Fourth Wing and well. Eh

This book started off with a page labeled "BookTok praise", so... there's that.

My most positive note here is that it was a super fast read, even if it wasn't a short one; the pacing stayed quick and gave me a lot of ammunition to keep going, with surprisingly few lulls. It takes the Fantasy School concept and runs with it, and to its credit, it keeps things interesting enough to move forward and makes you want to see how the story turns out, particularly in the first half as we build towards "the Threshing," the event where the book's fantasy equivalent of college students (who feel more than a little inspired by the Dauntless faction in Divergent, albeit with a better in-world purpose for existing) are chosen to bond with their dragons. After that point, I felt a gradual decline in interest beyond the protagonist and her dragons, which while not detrimental to the story, was never fully resolved or reversed.

The worldbuilding was underwhelming. There was clearly thought and effort put into it, enough so that it had potential conceptually, but it never really got the focus or expansion I was hoping for. Atmospherically, the strongest areas were at the school, but beyond that, I felt like we got very little, which is a shame since the narrative decided to switch focus to the larger world near the end. I enjoyed the device of inserting excerpts from in-universe tomes and texts at the beginning of each chapter, though; Crier's War did something similar, and as far as exposition devices go, I think they're clever and fun.

Less fun were the characters - several interesting concepts that made it all the more disappointing when so many of them ended up being basic archetypes with no hint of deeper complexity. There were so many areas ripe with potential exploration and subversion, places where Rebecca Yarros could have turned the standard dynamics and clichés on their heads, but never really did. Bully character is a bully, jealous bitch character is a jealous bitch, etc, etc. Luca and Jack died without being anything other than obnoxious and awful; Violet and Dain's relationship fell apart remarkably quickly. I found some of the side characters intriguing - Rhiannon and Ridoc in particular - but there was never a particularly compelling depth to any of them, and worse, no moments in the story that really pushed that complexity to the surface. Liam seemed to be the one exception to this in a few instances, but that potential never got utilized and was fully extinguished when he died. For a book that started with such an emphasis on potential betrayals and high stakes, most character dynamics play out exactly as they seem and are far less cutthroat than promised.

Violet and Xaden are the worst offenders on this front. From what I gather, the romance was meant to be the main draw in this series, but I have to say, I never felt really pulled in or compelled by the supposed enemies to lovers slow burn between these two. None of their actions are ever those committed by outright enemies, especially not given how ruthless the setting is supposed to be. They don't even actively try to harm each other. I didn't necessarily dislike them as characters - mostly because the writing never took enough risks portraying them as people to ever get that far. They were never "too unlikable" (maybe an attempt to avoid SJM's pitfalls with very, VERY similar character archetypes), which left me finding their whole dynamic incredibly lukewarm. As characters, they felt more like vehicles through which to project what the reader wants to see, and less like vehicles through which to convey the already decided story via their strong personalities and designs.

Speaking of designs, I felt let down by Violet. One of the most interesting and exciting parts of the beginning of the book was in Violet's disability - or what I was led to believe was a disability (brittle bone disease/osteogenesis imperfecta) - and how she navigated that in this militaristic, ableist world. This came up often in the first half of the book, but by the end, it seemingly doesn't matter. It's such a huge missed opportunity, and one that would have fleshed out not only the protagonist, but several other characters and the overall world itself.

Overall, the story was competently written in a technical sense, though there were some stylistic choices that had me rolling my eyes. If I can be totally subjective for a second, the narrative voice really wasn't for me; there were several moments where it stripped some of the more tense moments of of their impact and took me out of the story entirely. In a story striving to portray the horrors of war, nationalism, and propaganda, it was hard to take much of the subject matter seriously with a bunch of fantasy college students calling each other "toxic assholes" or "fucking hot toxic assholes".

But there were dragons, so. 4/10, mostly for that and the pacing.

[gdangitjae]

Inked (🔞) {1/3}

❝I don't want nobody but you kissing on my tattoos.❞ August Alsina

Theme: So… the Kia x Jae saga continues. This time, they're work vacationing in a hotel for a gig Jae has coming up as eJay eaJ. All Kia needed to do was take a shower, as well as relieve some stress. All Jae wanted to do was chill on the king bed. However, the free time they finally had to themselves seemed to have needed to been spent in other ways…

Also, in this particular situation, Jae has a new tattoo! 🤩

Disclaimer: I thought this up with a Black female (someone that looks and acts a lot like yours truly) in mind. So there will be heavy AAVE (African American Vernacular English) usage.

Kinks / Warnings: masturbation, profanity & dirty talk (some derogatory language will be used), a bit of switch behavior, oral sex (cunnilingus and fellatio), fingering, nipple play, mild-ish choking, some orgasm denial

Additional author notes: This is my first time {in a long time} doing this in first person POV instead of the second person POV I'd been using previously. Due to… recent events, I've been conjuring up quite the scenario for this one… Thank you, and you're welcome.

Once again: If you finish reading my lil fanfic or whatever, I would LOVE for you to click/tap the 'reply' icon at the bottom and let me know what your favorite parts were! Not to mention, if you have any critiques (constructive and productive, of course) or questions, feel more than free!

Enjoy!

💉🪡🖋️✒️🖤⚫⬛

Riding in the back of the Uber from the airport to the hotel, I legit could not stop staring at Jae's vine-like neck tattoo. It was annoying to say the least, considering he's had that (along with his numerous other tats) for months now. I suppose it was the fact that he told me this morning before boarding the damn plane that I have to somehow search for his latest inscribed addition.

–

"Where… is it, Jae?" I begrudgingly ask him as we stand in line, blankly staring ahead at the boarding entrance, arms crossed, knowing full well he wasn't gonna answer as bluntly.

"You have to find it… later," he confidentially teases, the latter of that statement quietly chirped in my ear. I roll my eyes with a sly smirk, sensing that it likely meant this was permanently stamped somewhere the sun didn't shine.

So it wasn't until we reach the hotel that I was finally able to stop staring at him like a stalker of sorts. As a matter of fact, I manage to avoid eye contact with him as he held my hand, retrieving the hotel room keys with his free hand.

🌸🎀🏩 🐙 🎟 👛 👚 👅 💓

When we reach the room, I see the king-sized bed with a card on top (likely from the promoter that booked Jae for this engagement). He heads that direction as I pull my suitcase over to the couch.

"I'm gonna take a shower," I tell Jae as I unzip my bag and grab a change of clothes, as well as my shower wrap to protect my hair.

"I'm gonna chill here," Jae replies as he plops down on the bed. "I'm lagged."

"Same," I agree with him, walking by him toward the bathroom. "See you in a bit."

"Okay, don't take too long," I hear Jae request behind me. I can feel him smile as he continues. "I've been missing you."

🛁🧼🧴🧽✨🛀

His subtle confession followed me into the bathroom before the home improvement enthusiast in me jumped out. "Oh shit!

"This my type of shower right here!" I excitably exclaim as I hear Jae laugh from the bed. I notice the built-in seat almost immediately, while I sneak a peak at the other quality features before I discard my clothes.

I leave the bathroom door open for the most part, while closing the shower door almost completely because I never know where water lands when I turn showers on. Sure enough, it immediately lands on the door before I attempt to adjust the shower head, accidentally disengaging the head from its compartment.

Oh!.. Noted, I think to myself as I place it right back. My showers be therapeutic, and I planned on this one not being any different. Especially in light of what Jae's been hinting at today. In addition to the whole tattoo ordeal and him saying he's been missing me, there has been tension building the past few weeks.

Unfortunately, Jae's been too busy preparing for this gig with his team to spend a lot of quality time with me. I understand that completely, but my body does not. It rarely does; I just keep it composed for moral purposes. So, to compensate (because patience is not really my thing), I've been spending some quality alone time with myself, by myself. Though, of course, it's not the same.

As I put my shower cap on over my hair and step into the shower, I definitely wanna respect Jae's privacy and desire to relax in the other room. So I go about my business as usual, which goes well until I begin to really take notice of the water pressure coming from this shower head. Without even thinking about it, I let out a almost inaudible moan as I lean back against the wall. "Fuck, that feels good," I mutter to myself as I resume lathering my body with soap.

Giving extra time to my breasts, I let out a low moan again as I go for my crotch next. As soon as the wet, soapy towel touches my lower lips, I gradually begin to lose my mind. That coupled with the water from the shower head inspired me to try something.

I set the towel down and disengage the shower head once again, this time very much on purpose. I aim it extremely close to my pussy, allowing there to be a lot more pressure from the water. As it rinses the soap off, it also quickly turns me on. "Oh my fucking god," I exhale as I roll my hips upward.

After a few moments of that, I feel myself wince as I take two of my fingers and spread my lips open, mentally shunning the freak in me for even doing this. I knew it obviously wasn't the same as, say, someone else's tongue doing similar work, but it still felt alarmingly good. My moans increase in volume and pitch as those same two fingers make their way inside.

I pretty much forwent the whole quiet thing at this point, but I didn't give a fuck. Maybe someone deserved to hear this and become inspired his damn self. I can't say I'm forcing anyone to do anything, but I also can't say I wasn't giving an option for invitation.

"Oh fuck… Fuck, this feels too fucking good," I moan out, pumping my fingers at a moderate pace, still rolling my hips up to meet its friction. "God, I just wish I had… more to… fuckin' work with.

"I – oh, God – just need your fingers… your tongue… your - fuck! - your dick inside me… Please, baby…" With my head hung, and my eyes struggling to stay open, I could feel myself losing more and more of the composure I barely had to begin with. Half of my remaining brain cells were on mission, the other half unaware of anything else but this moment, yet both halves were working toward the same goals.

At this point, my conscience was speaking for me, somehow delivering a late reply to my boyfriend as I inch my fingers deeper and deeper. "Fuck… I… miss… you too, baby. I wanna be… the only b-bitch… kissing… licking… on you… and all your fucking tattoos. I need my hole filled by you—"

"Which one?" a voice echoes in the vicinity of the bathroom, but I'm already too out of it to register who… else… it might be.

. ⋅ ��̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

"Huh?" was all I could get out, half-confused and mostly undone.

"Which hole?" the same voice asks, with the same amount of gentle tenacity.

I begin to slowly open my eyes as I drunkenly reply, "Uhh… all of them?"

I hear laughter on the other side of the shower door as this somehow mysterious voice states, "I only have a mouth, a dick, and two hands… One of which is holding said dick. I'm gonna need you to be a little bit more specific."

"Oh s-shit!" I cautiously shout as I drop the shower head in a slightly startled state of shock, thus completely bringing me back to Earth. "Jae?"

"Nope, it's a janitor," Jae jokes before laughing. I couldn't help but laugh as well, but not before telling him to 'shut the fuck up.'

I pick up the shower head and place it back where it belonged. In the time it took to do that, I recalled what I believe I heard Jae say a minute ago. "Still holding your dick?" I casually ask him.

He answers just as nonchalantly, "Stroking it, even… Just thinking about what you were saying…"

"I swear I don't even remember half of what I fuckin' said…" I meant that. I may have been speaking from my heart or whatever, but I just know for a fact that if I had put any thought into it, half of it wouldn't have ever left my lips.

"That's interesting," Jae states. "You don't remember just saying how you want to be the only one kissing on my tattoos? Or how you want your holes filled by everything?"

"Now I know I didn't say it like that," I retort through the palm that I placed on my face. Shortly after we both chuckle at that, I hear a light thud on his end, causing me to finally open the shower door. What I end up seeing drops me on the shower seat.

Jae takes off his t-shirt and throws it with his pants and boxers I see outside the bathroom door. As he turns to make his way to me, I spy with my little eye… it. The newest addition to his tattoo collection.

"No fucking way," I spit out as I notice this elaborate shooting star opposite his vine-like tattoo, but right above his waist line. It was so nice, but I also caught a glimpse of his soft, yet alluring eyes staring down at me, to which all I could satisfactorily reply to it all was "Mmm."

I scoot over closer to the door on the seat as Jae hovers over me, his hand resuming its position around his cock. "May I come in?"

❝I want my hands tattooed on your body, baby.❞

♪ ♫ Sex Never Felt Better | TGT

I wanted badly to reply, "Not yet, but you can cum real quick," but next thing you know, Jae saunters into the shower, closing the door behind him. To my slight surprise, I almost immediately feel his thumbs circle my nipples while his lips trail kisses all around my neck.

It takes roughly zero seconds for me to moan at the water, my legs attempting to gird themselves around Jae’s torso in agreement. “Jae, fuck…” It seemed like he waited for actual words to leave my mouth before moving on up to my gaping lips.

Taking a seat next to me, he gently wraps his fingers around my neck, leisurely gliding his tongue around my lips one good time before it eases his way in between them with a smirk. I couldn’t help but smile while kissing him back because one, that was hot as fuck considering, two, he’s terribly good at maintaining some sort of composure… no matter how bad he may seem to want me.

I feel a hand sail along my wet skin, down to what probably is consistently the wettest part of me. I end up biting Jae’s bottom lip, obnoxiously moaning through my teeth when I feel just the tips of two of his fingers press against my entrance.

"Oh fuck, fuck, fuck," I repeat breathlessly as Jae simultaneously pulls his lip back and pushes his fingers further inside me. “Shit, baby…”

“God, I miss hearing that,” Jae utters out in my ear, “you sound so good… Damn, you haven’t been this tight in a fucking minute.”

I sluggishly moan low in Jae’s ear, actually feeling how I’m readjusting back to the now full length of these same two fingers, along with a thumb circling the clit. As heavenly as it feels, I couldn’t resist attempting to shoot a tiny verbal dagger his direction… because why not? “Then keep doing something about it.”

Instantly, I feel Jae’s lips on my neck, paving their own trail down my body. After resting on the islands of my breasts a couple moments, his mouth continues to journey downward to meet my fingers. I soon begin to feel his warm breath blowing between my thighs as I feel a twisting of the fingers before they are pulled out of me.

“J-Jae…” I breathe out, my eyes opening to Jae sucking two fingers while seemingly surveying every inch of my being. I’m able to hear him hum just over the sound of the water hitting his back, both hands placed firmly around the inside of my thighs as he plunges himself head-first into my pussy. Hums were accompanied with licking beneath me, while names were replaced with panting above him.

“Fuck,” Jae exhales when I see his face again. “You always taste so fuckin’ good,” he compliments, three fingers stretching me out as his tongue rejoins in alternation.

“Oh, fuck!” I shakily moan out, threading my fingers through Jae’s slick hair, holding his head steady as I grind my pulsating pussy up to his hungry mouth. Still feeling Jae’s long fingers dig their way directly to my clit, I do my best to encourage him. “Please don’t stop… until I cum… Keep going… Go deeper, babe…”

Jae hums approvingly before following those orders in a way that makes my damn head spin, and my eyes roll back. I grip the seat as I have my legs rested on Jae’s upper back. I notice a moment of withdrawal as he disengages his tongue from my dripping pussy, only for him to spit on it before submerging his face back in between my legs.

Between the vibrations from his sporadic humming and his tongue and fingers feeling like they’re doing backflips damn near in my stomach, I cry out in stimulating pleasure… especially when his free hand makes its way up to fondle my tits.

“Mmhmm,” is all I hear Jae utter out without letting up for a second. If nothing else, his fingers pump themselves even faster, and my legs begin to shake.

This is usually the portion of the program where he stops completely, with his teasing ass. I struggle to open my eyes, glaring down at Jae, whose almost playful gaze is staring at me. After one more solid suck, he forces his head back in laughter, both hands still where they were before.

He knows that I know how he operates, so as he begins to lift himself from the tiled shower floor, he assures, “I wouldn’t do that to you this time, babe.”

“Mm,” is my snarky little reply before Jae’s tongue flicks ever-so-slightly on the nipple that isn’t already having a thumb grazed across or being pinched. “Please…”

Jae’s fingers had slowed down, yet dug themselves even deeper, as he latches his mouth around that same nipple. As he switches between each perky nub, he pumps his fingers inside me faster… and faster.

“Oh God, Jae…” I exhale, getting weaker in the knees with just about every motion, yet strengthening Jae with each moan that eases or forces itself out of my lips.

Now Jae takes it into his own hands to encourage me. “Yeah, Ki… Let me know just how much you missed this shit, baby.”

“So fucking much, babe,” I reply, still breathless, my back arching when I feel a large hand against the moisture of it. “So… damn… f-fuck, Jae!”

I couldn’t even finish reiterating my feelings due to how distracted I became, with Jae’s fingers repeatedly hitting my clit directly. Once his lips were back on my neck, it was a wrap. Without so much as a loud gasp in Jae’s ear, an inebriating orgasm transpires. I let out a moan so loud and lusty that I’m sure one could hear it from the hotel hallway.

When Jae’s fingers finally ease their way out of me, a jet stream of cum leaks out, and tears literally start to build. “Fuck, Jae…” I chuckle, as he takes one of those fingers and gestures for me to suck on it. Which I do, of course, before he pulls it out and momentarily sucks another one.

Throwing my head back, I blindly, yet tenderly feel along Jae’s creamy wet skin. While still recovering and calming my body down, I begin to slither to the floor. I start to regain some strength… because this is far from over.

❝…I love them tattoos, I still gotta learn 'em all… Tell me when you're gonna make them the writings on my wall…❞ ♪ ♫ Touch Me | Victoria Monet

Once I look up to face a now standing Jae (in more ways than one), I look up and down his body, admiring the artwork painted throughout it. Not quite fully back on Earth mentally, I finally decide to express a thought or two on the star on his stomach. "I really like this astral situation you got going on, baby," I tell him with a mellow grin.

After Jae thanks me for the compliment, I place a few pampering kisses along said 'situation,' adjusting myself so that I'm already sitting back on the seat. Meanwhile, Jae asks, "What do you like about it?"

My brief, honest answer? "How close it is to what I want," I reply as I hunch over, my lips and tongue coating the tip of his dick.

"Oh fuck," Jae breathes out, immediately satisfying my ears, as well as other places along my body. I see his hand grip the shaft before continuing to stroke.

I suck the tip while gently running my thumb along the tattoo before looking up at him. For one, I could tell it had been at least a couple weeks since he'd gotten it, due to him not flinching when I began to touch it. For another thing, I catch him rolling his neck before looking down at me looking at him.

I soften my gaze as I lap at the tip with my tongue. My hand goes from Jae's waist back to my aching pussy as the other hand trails up his more decorated arm. I moan before my fingers are quickly replaced with his again, allowing his cock to go further down my throat as his fingers plunge deeper in between my very open legs.

"I really fucking missed this," Jae exhales as I hum around his length in agreement. "I really fucking missed you."

He pulls out of my mouth, much to both of our disappointment, but then he slips his tongue inside. We both moan almost harmoniously as we intensely suck each others' tongues.

"Fuck," Jae breathes out after a moment, probably also feeling my hand wrapped around his cock.

"It really has been a minute," I let out between kisses, some on his lips, but a lot on his neck. In a maneuver Jae's used to, I lick along that vine-like tattoo like it came with an instruction manual.

"It has, and you're not missing a goddamn beat," Jae replies in between moans and faster pumping from his fingers, nearing my g-spot.

"Neither are you… Shit… Don't stop." I pant into his ear before we exchange several deep kisses, moaning at how good we're finally making each other feel after this past month. I notice how my moans become more drawn out in contrast to the rapid pace I feel Jae's fingers push in and out of me. "Fuck, Jae…"

"Yeah, Ki…" I feel Jae's breath near my ear as he continues, "You like that?"

"Of course, always," I reply with my hand recirculating the tip, "but you know I want more."

"You deserve more," Jae concurs as he pulls away from me completely, inadvertently stepping into the direct path of water from the shower head. "Oh shit. That feels good."

I half-laugh, seeing him feel a fraction of what I felt with the water pressure I mentioned before, but also… He looks hot as fuck with that water running down his body. I must've been obvious with my ogling because I see Jae smirk at me before stepping forward an inch for the water to drench his hair.

I take that as an opportunity to get back down on my knees and pick up where I was left off. Feeling like I had did just enough prep prior, I went ahead and took him to the hilt. With most of his dick halfway down my throat in record time, I want to see his reaction, but I wasn't about to be blinded by the water. It almost didn't matter, though, because I sure as hell heard it.

"Fuck, Kia!" Jae spits out as I feel a hand grip my shower cap, pushing my head further down his shaft. An almost purr-like moan soon follows from the both of us. After a few seconds, he lets go of my head, allowing me to suck him off.

I could hear Jae pant expressively above me, and I just had to see what that was like, so I pull away momentarily, and it was worth it – for me at least. I was able to catch his facial features release from the probably distorted way his eyes close like it usually is when I'm on his dick like that… and the animal in me almost got unleashed again.

I held it together as much as I could though. "You look so fucking hot, Jae," I spill while one of my hands wrap around his cock, and the other caresses the star tattoo (finally, a tattoo I can fucking reach from this position!).

"So do you, baby," Jae replies, a bit sluggishly, reminding me of just how much more 'laggy' I'm making him… Although, I know neither one of us care enough to stop. We always finish what we start… even if we take our time to get there.

After Jae asks me to retrieve a dry towel for his face, I'm back on the blessed shower seat, repositioning myself to take his cock back into my mouth. Jae assists by placing a foot on the seat, but I should've remembered that there's always gonna be something in most leg ups for him as well.

As he guides his dick back into my mouth, he wraps a hand around my neck. He knows how much I'm annoyingly turned on by such an action, and he knows how to switch it up when necessary. Needless to say, he had enough of a grip for me to choke on his length (something he's annoyingly turned on by).

Moaning at the shower tile, Jae begins to fuck my mouth slowly. I begin to moan in place of words I wouldn't have been able to find whether his dick was down my throat or not. Jae, on the other hand… "You're taking it so good, babe.

"Fuck, you're gonna make me cum so hard in that pretty mouth of yours…” Jae chokes out. “And you're gonna take all that like a good girl, right?"

"Mmhmm," was all I could obviously reply with, and while I could be bratty as fuck, I decided to forgo it… for now. I missed this Jae too damn much.

While never letting go of my neck, he pulls out of my mouth, inadvertently giving me enough time to croak, "I want your cum down my throat, baby," before shoving himself back inside.

Finding myself choking more often than usual, I feel a tiny trail of drool (and probably a hint of precum) run down my chin. Fucking my throat at a faster pace, Jae hunches over ever-so-slightly, but it's more than enough for me to finally reach his chest. I'm not trying to cut off my blood flow, so I close my eyes and feel my way around.

I purposely run my palms along his nipples, pinching them until they're as hard as his dick has been. I stick my tongue out underneath to fucking breathe, but I know how much that subtle change fucks him up. It sounds to me like this combo is doing its job because Jae is reduced to panting again, especially when I shift my tongue from left to right.

"Keep doing that, Ki," I hear Jae exhale as he proceeds to fuck my mouth. Shortly after, Jae's fingers press against my neck before letting go of it completely. I’m able to go a step further with it and open my mouth and throat some more, dragging my tongue underneath from the sack to the tip, over and over… and over, until– "I'm gonna fucking cum!"

The brat in me instantly jumps out again as my mouth lets go, and my hands remain on his chest, moving to his arms. Looking up at a ravished Jae, I go, "Oh really?" with a smirk.

"Don't fucking play," Jae growls.

"I'm not!" I playfully retaliate, "I'm just asking a simple ass question."

I see Jae roll his eyes before my mouth resumes guiding him to his finish. "There you go," Jae blows out, "Good girl…"

"Mm," I respond, still acting bratty with my fingers pinching his nipples again. Since I have a lot more control than before, I retreat and advance on his cock repeatedly until I hear a shaky, high-pitched moan signaling my place to stop.

Resting my tongue underneath his tip, I fondle Jae's balls while he wraps his fingers back around his warm shaft. "Oh yeah, baby… F-fuck… Fuck!"

With just a bit a tip sucking, Jae's streams of cum find their way down my throat, resting in the back of it. Once he sits back down on the seat next to me, I kiss him deeply, the both of us moaning when he receives a fraction of his own cum in his mouth.

"I fuckin' love it when you do that," Jae states after swallowing his portion.

"I know," I breathe out in a bit of a cocky manner before giving him a couple more kisses on his lips. I finally take a moment to kiss around his chest, sucking on his nipples while staring into his glazed eyes smiling down at me.

I instinctively begin to climb onto Jae’s lap, with his hands firmly on my waistline helping me – wait – guiding me right back where I was seated. Only for a moment, though, because then he lifts me off the seat, carrying me to the other end of the shower.

< Stay tuned for Part 2! >

[void-botanist]

Character interview: Hoven

@autumnalwalker tagged me for this a while back, and before I got swamped with finals I tried doing it for Dez. It was kind of lackluster (this poor droid doesn't even know what there is to have opinions about) but Hoven worked nicely.

I'm going to leave this one as an open tag.

Are you named after anyone? No. When was the last time you cried? That's a bit…personal, don't you think? Perhaps you don't, since you're asking. Well, it was recent, I'll say that much.

Do you have any kids? No. But Syndy arguably is, in some capacity. It was unreasonably difficult to make me Syndy's legal guardian, so officially I have no relationship to her, but…Gweltsen used to joke that they should marry me to expedite the adoption process. If that had happened, I would be Syndy's parent, legally. I would also be a widower. (<- is going to be thinking about that forever now)

Do you use sarcasm? Sure, but it's usually not necessary.

What's the first thing you notice about people? Their species, which I suppose is normal.

What's your eye color? Amber.

Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings, but only if they're earned. I cannot stress enough that there is no genre that requires happy endings, despite what some insist. And a happy ending can and perhaps should be complex. Regardless of whether it's realistic, a uniformly happy ending for all parties is rarely interesting.

Any special talents? I'm reasonably fluent in six languages. I have also been told that I have an uncanny ability to translate requests into resource call numbers. But I can only do that in a limited domain, and I'm sometimes wrong and look an absolute fool who does not believe in catalogs. It's really just the result of being a librarian using the same classification system for the better part of two decades.

Where were you born? A birth hotel in River City. Another translation is 'birth hospital', but I think the meaning comes across either way.

What are your hobbies? I suppose most of my hobbies boil down to reading, somehow. Reading books, reading museum placards, reading finding aids, reading an unbelievable number of emails…but that one's perhaps not a hobby. I watch TV shows on occasion. Lately I've gained a new appreciation for experiencing architecture firsthand. I've also been promised a trip into the mountains for some hiking, though I admit I don't have the fortitude to make it into a camping trip as well.

Do you have any pets? I haven't had a pet since…well, Ozen has a fishtank, but I think I was simply a participant in Ozen having pets.

What sports do you play/have played? It depends on what you consider a sport. Most I've tried I'm mediocre to middling at. I still do try the local sports when I move somewhere new, but I've never stuck with one for long - with the exception of orienteering. Sal and I have done the events in the region most years, and I do sometimes beat him.

Oh, but what you probably expected me to say was something like 'I'm excellent at trivia'. Well, I am, but I can't see how that's a sport.

How tall are you? 5' 1". You don't count the horns.

Favorite subject in school? Language, especially foreign languages, and especially Esailla. I learned more about orea-nawwenn from my Esailla class than I ever did in interspecies studies.

Dream job? Well, it used to be 'archivist at Niievosk Palace', but that dream is past for a lot of reasons. Now, I…I don't really know. But I'd like to return to archival work.

[pynkhues]

This is kind of a heavy question and I really apologize but really always enjoy hearing your perspective on things. Did you ever struggle with not feeling like you're where you're supposed to be in life? Like everyone around you has a really good job and nice cars and you are still working at the same job you had during college. I graduated from college worked so hard and I just felt like things were going to be different but they are kind of the same. Do you ever feel like you're not moving as fast as you should be ? making some strides but just not enough. :/ Idk if so how did you deal with that? How do you get out of a funk?

Don’t apologise, anon. Trust me, I get it more than you could imagine.

I did very well in school and was one of the first of my friends to graduate from uni, and I ended up in a lot of shitkicker jobs as I was starting to write. For a long time, none of my friends really got it, and I really did feel the weight of that – they were starting in the ‘professional workforce’ technically later than I was, but as lawyers or government officials or nurses or in military, while I was working arts, events and hospitality and struggling to make ends meet.

I’ve never resented or been jealous of any of my friends’ career pathways, but I do think for a while I had a degree of insecurity around what I did/do for a living and a tendency to diminish my work in the face of theirs. With how slow any personal artistic practice moves, I’ve often felt I was treading water while they were propelling forwards, and yeah. I felt the weight of that. Still do sometimes, especially now that we’re all in our 30s, and some of them have bought houses when I know that’s not even something on the horizon for me.

It's a funny thing too, because my friends were all so supportive when my book came out, but I know most of them have had their doubts about the path I chose over the years, and we had joking conversations at my success that I don’t think we ever could’ve had before that success, but it was one of those things that made me realise I don’t envy quite a few of my friends’ work. Yeah, they might have a house, and a nice car, and a really ‘good job’, and a salary three times mine, but a lot of them aren’t happy, and have now told me they're jealous of what I do, and that they feel trapped because to explore anything outside of their current job would mean a paycut that they can’t or won’t abide.

My point is people who seem like they have their dream jobs right now - - maybe they do, maybe they don’t. In my experience, life is bumpy, and it’s going to try to take you in a million directions you don’t anticipate, and all you can do is focus on what feels right for you. If you feel right now like you’re not where you’re supposed to be, ask yourself why. Are you enjoying your job? If you’re not, what would you enjoy? If you are, what’s making you question it? Is it the pay being shit (because trust me, I’ve been there, haha), and if it is, are you willing to compromise that for job satisfaction?

Comparing it to friends or other people in your life - - look, I won’t say that I think it’s a fool’s errand, because I don’t think it is. I think having a ballpark of what other people are earning helps to break down stigma around conversations about pay, and that talking to people about what they want in a workplace is crucial in understanding what we value and need in our own, but at the same time, those comparisons come with a limit. We’re all operating on our own schedule, life doesn’t come with pre-built milestones for us to run towards, we’re all our own people, so don’t stress about moving fast. If you’re happy where you are, enjoy it. If you’re not, then think about the things you’d like in your next chapter, and build a plan that you can move towards.

So I guess my biggest advice in all of this is don’t sweat it. Life is complicated, and so are you, and embracing that I think is a pretty crucial step in self-acceptance and honestly, growing up. No two people are the same. We all have different ideas of what successful life is, and we should, so understanding what’s important to you will, at least in my experience, help guide your choices and find a peace in the path you take.

[wrestlingisfake]

Wrestle Kingdom 17 preview

Jay White vs. Kazuchika Okada - White is the fifth IWGP world champion, making his third defense since winning the title from Okada on June 12. Okada won the G1 Climax tournament to earn this rematch.

Okada recruited White into his CHAOS faction in 2018, but within a few months White betrayed him and took over Bullet Club. Since then, White has been a thorn in Okada's side that he can't quite remove. For all his accolades and accomplishments, Okada is 1-4 against White in one-on-one matches, and White is the kind of pecker that will remind you at every opportunity.

I'm not counting on seeing the best match either of these guys can deliver. White's performances at Wrestle Kingdom in 2020 and 2021 were effective for getting heel heat but nearly put me to sleep with all the stalling and shenanigans. I though the June 12 match was better, but the bottom line is I've seen this match five times already and I don't feel like there's anything new to cover.

It's basic Booking 101 to have the top babyface beat the top heel to regain the world title to close the biggest show of the year. Of course, that simple logic has burned me before when it comes to Jay White--that 4-1 record against Okada says it all. It's almost unthinkable that a non-Japanese wrestler (especially a heel) could win in the main event at Wrestle Kingdom. But White's career is full of moments where I didn't think they'd go there but they did anyway. If nothing else, they've got me believing he doesn't have to lose, which is good enough. I always bet on Okada, but I wouldn't bet the farm this time.

Will Ospreay vs. Kenny Omega - This is Ospreay's fifth defense of the IWGP United States title. Omega is making his first appearance in New Japan since leaving the promotion in January 2019 to become an executive vice-president in AEW. Since then Ospreay has been staking his claim to being Omega's replacement as the top gaijin in the promotion. Needless to say, a lot has changed since their previous singles encounter, at a PWG show in 2015.

Both men started planting seeds for this back in the summer, with passive-aggressive comments and T-shirts and what-not. They finally squared off in October, in an AEW trios match; after Omega's team won, Ospreay's team laid them out in a vicious beatdown.

In theory the hype for this match is supposed to be two of this generation's best in-ring workers tearing it up on the big stage. In practice, all the buzz is just about Omega returning to New Japan, and the Kota Ibushi shirt he was wearing last week in AEW. I get where people want another chapter in the Golden Lovers saga, but Omega has been constantly throwing out teases for that for years, so no one hint can give us a timetable for when it'll go down.

In most promotions I think a returning megastar has to win his first match back, 99 times out of a hundred. In New Japan, I'm not as confident. They're comfortable telling stories where a guy loses his return match, to illustrate that he's not quite warmed up yet, or that he hasn't acclimated to facing the best in the world again. On the other hand, Ospreay's US title reign feels like it's run its course, and we're probably due for a new champion. Moving the belt to Omega would be a clear sign that he'll stick around for more NJPW dates, and I can see where the promotion wants to send that message loud and clear.

Taiji Ishimori vs. Hiromu Takahashi vs. El Desperado vs. Master Wato - This is a four-way for Ishimori's IWGP junior heavyweight title, so the first man to score a fall on any opponent will be the champion. Ishimori won the title from Desperado on May 11, and successfully defended it against Hiromu on June 12. KUSHIDA returned for a title chase, but that got derailed due to illness. Master Wato subbed for Kushida and pinned Ishimori in a non-title match on October 10. You'd expect this to set up a one-on-one rematch for the belt, but no one actually cares about Wato, so Despy and Hiromu interjected themselves, making it a four-way.

I assume the long-term direction is to get Kushida back in the title picture, but I don't know if it matters which guy is champion when that happens. The safe bet in a four-way title match is to pick the defending champion or the heel to retain. Ishimori is both, so it's looking good for him.

Keiji Mutoh & Hiroshi Tanahashi & Shota Umino vs. Tetsuya Naito & SANADA & BUSHI - Mutoh, who just turned 60, will be retiring on a NOAH show in February, so this is his final match in NJPW. Note that this is just his standard regular guy gimmick, as opposed to his Great Muta character, that made his final NJPW appearance a couple of months ago.

There isn't much of a story here for the other five guys in the match. Tanahashi, Naito, and Sanada ought to have something more important going on at Wrestle Kingdom, but they don't, so here they are. It's a great spot for Umino, however, as he's surrounded by bigger names and under a bigger spotlight for it. Bushi is lucky this match needed a sixth guy, or he'd be in the prelim battle royale.

Unless Mutoh is going to do the job on his way out, I would expect Tanahashi to pin Bushi to end this one.

Karl Anderson vs. Tama Tonga - Anderson won the NEVER openweight title from Tama on June 12, so this is the rematch, even though Anderson signed with WWE months ago. Anderson's WWE deal caused him to pull out of a title defense against Tonga's brother Hikuleo, which got rescheduled to December 14. Anderson beat Hikuleo and then got into it with Tonga, so here we are.

I have to think this is Anderson's last night in New Japan, and dropping the belt to Tama is merely a formality at this point. I sort of expected the same thing with the December 14 bout, but it makes sense for Anderson to want a Wrestle Kingdom payday if he can get it. So I'm picking Tonga to win, but if that doesn't happen I'll be real intrigued with whatever they have planned next.

Zack Sabre Jr. vs. Ren Narita - This is a tournament final to determine the first NJPW World television champion. (The name is a little confusing; the winner will not be the world TV champion of NJPW, but rather the TV champion of NJPW's streaming service, which is named NJPW World.) Per the rules of the new title, this match has a 15 minute time limit; it's not clear what happens to the belt if there's a time limit draw.

Narita is fresh off returning from his US excursion, and he's already scored a huge win against Tomohiro Ishii in this tournament. Beating Sabre in the Tokyo Dome for a new championship would establish him as a fast-rising superstar. But it's more plausible that New Japan will try to get him over with a tough loss so he can valiantly overcome the heartbreak.

Another wrinkle here is that this is Sabre's first match since his faction, Suzuki-gun, peacefully disbanded a couple of weeks ago. It's not clear yet what's next for the former members, but winning this TV title would be a big statement about Sabre's future. Something tells me that's the direction we're heading in here, and Sabre will win.

Dax Harwood & Cash Wheeler vs. Hirooki Goto & YOSHI-HASHI - FTR (Dax and Cash) are the defending IWGP heavyweight tag team champions. Bishamon won the World Tag League tournament, which put them in line for this title shot. FTR have been on top of the world for most of the past year, but they're currently in a 0-4 slump that cost them the ROH and AAA tag team titles. The IWGP belts are the only gold they have left.

A title change seems inevitable. I'm sure New Japan liked having their tag title in a major US promotion for a few months, and FTR are thrilled to work the Tokyo Dome, but it's high time the belts come home. If FTR retains there's no telling when they'll be available for another title defense, and Goto and Yoshi are the strongest challengers available (at least until Tanga Loa returns to resume his team with Tama Tonga). I'm picking Bishamon to win, and the FTR losing streak to continue.

KAIRI vs. Tam Nakano - Kairi became the first IWGP women's champion on November 20; this is her first title defense. Western fans will know her best as Kairi Sane in WWE, where she held the NXT women's title. Nakano spent most of 2022 as the Wonder of Stardom champion (basically STARDOM's #2 singles belt), until she was defeated for it on December 29.

I don't have much info on Nakano except that New Japan's website says she has a kawaii aesthetic and an "intense predilection for violence," and she's promised "a special kind of hell" for Kairi here. Looking forward to that!

Obviously this match has been overshadowed by reports that Sasha Banks has exited WWE and will be at this show. If she's going to appear, the logical place to do it is after this match to challenge the winner. So it's a tough spot for these ladies, as most of the attention on this match will be people waiting just to find out if Banks will even be there. My guess is that Kairi will retain, and Kairi vs. Banks will be a big match down the line. But ideally, the layout of the match will keep us focused on the present, not the future.

Francesco Akira & TJP vs. Lio Rush & YOH - This is the first match on the main card, scheduled for 5pm JST (3am EST). Lio and Yoh won the Super Jr. Tag League tournament, putting them next in line for Catch 2/2's IWGP junior tag team championship. Yoh has been in this high pressure situation before with his ex-partner SHO, but he's only been teaming with Rush for a couple of months. Catch 2/2, on the other hand, have been teaming since Akira joined NJPW in June.

I could see this one going either way, but I'm leaning a bit towards doing a title change. There's a lot of storyline potential in having Yoh emerge from the Roppongi 3K breakup with a successful new team, while Sho has little to show for his betrayal.

Tatsumi Fujinami & Minoru Suzuki & Tiger Mask vs. Yuji Nagata & Satoshi Kojima & Togi Makabe - This is the Antonio Inoki memorial match, to honor the founder of New Japan, who passed away in October. It'll air before the main show at 4:20pm JST (2:20am EST).

Fujinami (68) was a teenager when he joined his trainer Inoki in leaving the JWA to start a new promotion. Suzuki (54) trained in New Japan's dojo in the 1980s, and wrestled Inoki as a young boy in 1989. Another key Inoki protege was Satoru Sayama (65), who became the original Tiger Mask in 1981; Yoshihiro Yamazaki (52), the fourth Tiger, appears here in his honor. Nagata (54), Kojima (52), and Makabe (50) were all around in the 1990s as Inoki's in-ring career drew to a close.

Aside from seeing the old-timers fight to commemorate Inoki, the most interesting thing going on here is long-time scoundrel Suzuki teaming with good guys like Fujinami and Tiger Mask. After the Suzuki-gun breakup, I'm curious if he'll settle into tag matches with the older guys in the undercard, or if he'll still be a giant dick and pick fights with everybody. I doubt we'll get a clear sense of that here, since the main idea will be to pay respects to Inoki. For similar reasons, I don't think it'll make much difference who wins the match.

New Japan Ranbo - This is a gauntlet battle royale billed as a "KOPW 2023 qualifier." Two men will start the match, and the remaining participants will enter one-by-one in timed intervals. Elimination can occur at any time via pinfall, submission, or exiting the ring over the top rope to the floor. The match ends once all but four participants have been eliminated; these finalists advance to a match on January 5 for the KOPW title belt.

No participants have been announced for the match, but I think we can assume any NJPW regular that isn't already booked could be in this. The biggest names to look for would be Shingo Takagi, EVIL, Tomohiro Ishii, Taichi, Jeff Cobb, Toru Yano, Juice Robinson, David Finlay, Kushida, Sho, and Kenta. Obviously there are many more wrestlers available, depending on whether they're in town that day, but you get the idea.

I assume someone halfway important will win the KOPW belt, but the other three finalists can be literally anyone, so this match is hard to predict. It's also hard to watch; New Japan's ranbos never seem as well planned or produced as WWE's Royal Rumble.

Ryohei Oiwa vs. Boltin Oleg - This is a three-minute exhibition match, scheduled for 3:20pm JST (1:20am EST), so I'm not even sure it will be broadcast on the live stream. Oiwa is currently a Young Lion who jobs in prelim matches during his training. Oleg is a standout amateur wrestler from Kazakhstan that New Japan made a big deal about recruiting a few months ago. So I guess this is meant as a showcase for Oleg, but the format makes it seem like they aren't sure he's ready for a full-fledged pro wrestling match. It's possible this will just go to the time limit, but I assume the point is for Oleg to win.

[iviarellereads]

The Eye of the World, Chapter 36 - Web of the Pattern

(THIS PROJECT IS SPOILER FREE! No spoilers past the chapter you click on. Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For the link index and a primer on The Wheel of Time, read this one!)

(Leaves and vine icon)(1) In which we make a new friend!

The plates Gill has a serving maid bring them are meager, and Rand wonders what will happen if a real growing season doesn't start soon. Gill asks what the real trouble is, and Rand tells a very simplified version of events, keeping Trollocs and Fades out of it. He knows there are holes in the story visible to anyone who thinks, but he doesn't want to endanger Gill.

Rand asks if Elaida Sedai, the advisor to Queen Morgase, would help them. Gill says it's unlikely, especially if she sniffed out the connection to Thom. She has a way of feeling things, knowing what's happened or what will happen. Before Rand can ask about something else, the cook calls Gill away to fix something, but first he tells them that Caemlyn is awash with rats suddenly, clogging things up and chewing through things. He mutters that he hopes it's not the drains again as he walks off.

Mat's stopped eating, and Rand says they've got to keep up their strength to get to Tar Valon. Mat snaps that all this time it's been they'll find their friends in Caemlyn, they'll be safe in Caemlyn, and now it's Tar Valon, as if Aes Sedai are any better than here. Rand reminds Mat that they're alive, and intend to stay that way and find out why they're so important. Mat gives in grudgingly and starts eating again.

They ask a serving girl to lead them up to their room, where she flirts with Rand, making him wish Perrin were here, he'd know what to do about her.(2) When she leaves, Mat collapses onto his bed, clothes and boots and all. He's grumpy and thinks everyone's dead, and Rand gives up and goes off to ask the rest of his questions alone. He asks the serving girl if there's a quiet room he can sit in, and she points him at the library. He asks her to tell Gill that he has a few more questions if he has the time, too. She chuckles and Rand thinks he's probably hiding from the cook.

He goes into the library and sees a book with a title that Tam had mentioned wanting to read many times, and the image of Tam holding the book makes him feel empty and lonely all through. Shortly, though, a throat clears behind him, and as he turns to apologize, he also has to turn his head up, and up further. A creature, almost ten feet tall, with a snouty wide nose, eyebrows that hang down like tails on the side of its face, and pale eyes the size of teacups, with tufted, pointy ears. He yells and tries to get his sword out, but his feet tangle in themselves and he falls down hard on the floor instead.(3)

“I wish you humans wouldn’t do that,” rumbled a voice as deep as a drum. The tufted ears twitched violently, and the voice became sad. “So few of you remember us. It’s our own fault, I suppose. Not many of us have gone out among men since the Shadow fell on the Ways. That’s . . . oh, six generations, now. Right after the War of the Hundred Years, it was.” The shaggy head shook and let out a sigh that would have done credit to a bull. “Too long, too long, and so few to travel and see, it might as well have been none.” Rand sat there for a minute with his mouth hanging open, staring up at the apparition in wide-toed, knee-high boots and a dark blue coat that buttoned from the neck to the waist, then flared out to his boot tops like a kilt over baggy trousers. In one hand was a book, seeming tiny by comparison, with a finger broad enough for three marking the place. “I thought you were—” he began, then caught himself. “What are—?” That was not any better. Getting to his feet, he gingerly offered his hand. “My name is Rand al’Thor.” A hand as big as a ham engulfed his; it was accompanied by a formal bow. “Loial, son of Arent son of Halan. Your name sings in my ears, Rand al’Thor.” That sounded like a ritual greeting to Rand. He returned the bow. “Your name sings in my ears, Loial, son of Arent . . . ah . . . son of Halan.”

Loial tells Rand that humans are very excitable, he had read some stories but he didn't realize how much more so they would be. His first day in the city all manner of people were throwing things at him and calling him a Trolloc. Only the guards saved him, and four days later he hasn't been able to so much as leave the inn, even discouraged from using the common room. The first night he was in there, everyone was shouting and screaming, all trying to get out of the door at the same time. They could have been hurt!

It's not until Loial says "It's not for this I left the stedding." that Rand realizes he's an Ogier!(4) How old is he? Rand knows the question is rude as soon as he blurts it out, but Loial answers, a little defensive. He's only ninety, still ten years from being allowed to address the Stump, so the Elders didn't even let him speak up for himself when he asked to leave. Rand is stunned at his age, and says at least they let him go.

Loial looked at the floor, wrinkling his nose and rubbing at it with one thick finger. “Well, as to that, now. You see, the Stump had not been meeting very long, not even a year, but I could tell from what I heard that by the time they reached a decision I would be old enough to go without their permission. I am afraid they’ll say I put a long handle on my axe, but I just . . . left. The Elders always said I was too hotheaded, and I fear I’ve proven them right. I wonder if they have realized I’m gone, yet? But I had to go.”

A village council meeting that lasted half a day left everyone jumping in frustration, Rand can't imagine a meeting that lasts years. He asks Loial why he had to leave, and Loial says that the more he read, the more he knew he had to see the Ogier-built places for himself, and the Groves. The Ogier have worked with stone, reluctantly, but they prefer to use the trees of a place to build beautiful places.

Loial mentions that working stone was something thrust on them by the Pattern, but the Groves are the work of their hearts. Rand says he didn't realize Ogier believe in the Pattern.

“Of course, we believe. The Wheel of Time weaves the Pattern of the Ages, and lives are the threads it weaves. No one can tell how the thread of his own life will be woven into the Pattern, or how the thread of a people will be woven. It gave us the Breaking of the World, and the Exile, and Stone, and the Longing, and eventually it gave us back the stedding before we all died. Sometimes I think the reason you humans are the way you are is because your threads are so short. They must jump around in the weaving. Oh, there, I’ve done it again. The Elders say you humans don’t like to be reminded of how short a time you live. I hope I didn’t hurt your feelings.”(5)

Rand's feelings aren't hurt at all, though he is curious what it would be like to live so long. Loial says human lives are short, but they have the whole world to live them in. Ogier are bound to their stedding, even if they leave, they must go back eventually, and things change so much outside the stedding anyway. Cairhien's proper name is Al’cair’rahienallen, Hill of the Golden Dawn in the Old Tongue, but they don't remember, and the Grove there hasn't been tended in a thousand years or more. Caemlyn's grove should be a quarter mile from where they sit, but not a tree to be found. The same in Tear and Illian, too. All the Groves gone, the memories and dreams dead.

“You can’t give up, Loial. You can’t ever give up. If you give up, you might as well be dead.” Rand sank back in his chair as far as he could go, his face turning red. He expected the Ogier to laugh at him, but Loial nodded gravely instead. “Yes, that’s the way of your kind, isn’t it?” The Ogier’s voice changed, as if he were quoting something. “Till shade is gone, till water is gone, into the Shadow with teeth bared, screaming defiance with the last breath, to spit in Sightblinder’s eye on the Last Day.” Loial cocked his shaggy head expectantly, but Rand had no idea what it was he expected. A minute went by with Loial waiting, then another, and his long eyebrows began to draw down in puzzlement. But he still waited, the silence growing uncomfortable for Rand. “The Great Trees,” Rand said finally, just for something to break that silence. “Are they like Avendesora?” Loial sat up sharply; his chair squealed and cracked so loudly Rand thought it was going to come apart. “You know better than that. You, of all people.” “Me? How would I know?” “Are you playing a joke on me? Sometimes you Aielmen(6) think the oddest things are funny.” “What? I’m not an Aielman! I’m from the Two Rivers. I never even saw an Aielman!” Loial shook his head, and the tufts on his ears drooped outward. “You see? Everything is changed, and half of what I know is useless. I hope I did not offend you. I’m sure your Two Rivers is a very fine place, wherever it is.” “Somebody told me,” Rand said, “that it was once called Manetheren. I’d never heard it, but maybe you. . . .” The Ogier’s ears had perked up happily. “Ah! Yes. Manetheren.” The tufts went down again. “There was a very fine grove there. Your pain sings in my heart, Rand al’Thor. We could not come in time.”

Loial looks pained, as if the destruction of Manetheren were new, and not two thousand years ago. But he moves the conversation on, asking Rand what brings him to Caemlyn if he's from the Two Rivers. Rand finds himself telling Loial the true story, all of it though he jumps back and forth in it, and he's somehow distant and horrified at his own actions as he does. When he starts talking about dreams, he bites his own tongue to stop talking, hoping that Loial will just think he's going mad.

Instead, Loial says just one word. "Ta'veren." Rand asks what it means, and Loial explains how the Pattern is woven just so, and small changes it can accept and work with, but it won't accept big ones so easily. Rand says sure, he could live on the farm or in Emond's Field, but if he wanted to be a king... they both laugh.

“Yes, that’s it. But sometimes the change chooses you, or the Wheel chooses it for you. And sometimes the Wheel bends a life-thread, or several threads, in such a way that all the surrounding threads are forced to swirl around it, and those force other threads, and those still others, and on and on. That first bending to make the Web, that is ta’veren, and there is nothing you can do to change it, not until the Pattern itself changes. The Web—ta’maral’ailen, it’s called—can last for weeks, or for years. It can take in a town, or even the whole Pattern. Artur Hawkwing was ta’veren. So was Lews Therin Kinslayer, for that matter, I suppose.”(7)

Rand isn't sure what this has to do with him, he's just a shepherd, not another Artur Hawkwing. Loial didn't say that, but he could almost feel the Pattern weaving around them as Rand told his story, and he's not even got a Talent in that area.(8)

He rubs the bridge of his nose, then nods decisively and says he wants to travel with Rand and his friends, when they leave Caemlyn. Rand is surprised. Didn't Loial hear all of who and what is chasing them? Yes, but there's a very fine Grove at Tar Valon, well tended, and he's sure Rand is ta'veren, and maybe his friends, too. He thinks he'll see more of the world shaping itself around them if he stays close, and even his Elder Haman would want to see that.

Rand says maybe that's not such a good idea. He's not even sure if his friends will find them. Loial touches his shoulder and says he's sure his friends are well. He asks if Rand will come and talk to him, while he's in Caemlyn, at least. Master Gill is busy running the inn, and almost nobody comes into the library. Rand promises to do just that, and to see the Grove with Loial if they meet again in Tar Valon. He thinks to himself that his friends have to be all right, please.

=====

(1) Previously seen for Tuatha'an, but this is a Rand in Caemlyn chapter and they don't go to the cities. Curious. Perhaps it means our new friend is very connected to nature. (2) Rand seems to consistently quote Perrin as being the one who can talk easily to women, if this and chapter 3 can be said to form a pattern. Meanwhile, Perrin a few chapters ago wished he was as good at it as Rand is. What goobers young men can be. (3) And how lucky they did, or else Rand might have skewered a perfectly decent friend-shaped being! (4) In fairness, how many creatures does Rand know from myth, and how many more might he not know of at all? Still, Ogier! Like Ents, but not at all like Ents. RJ started from the same place as a lot of his contemporaries did, with the Tolkien riff, but he's modulating it as he goes, making sure you know this is an original story perhaps building on the style Tolkien popularized but by no means playing out the same way. (5) He's such a sweetie. Just as impulsive in his way as any of the Emond's Field youths (or Nynaeve), but he's also just as kind and open and ignorant of the world. (6) And possibly the biggest, strangest, and easiest to ignore bomb dropped: Loial says Rand looks like an Aielman. This is the first we've heard of any of THAT! Isn't it? (7) We finally have our word for hero-convenience-itis, for the reason why Rand's feet tangle when he reaches for his sword at the wrong moment, for how he knows when to keep going and when to stop for the night, and for how much trouble he gets into when he goes the wrong way despite all the urging the Pattern can manage. Ta'veren. I have a re-meme of the "Aliens" guy but it's Loial's face from the show, saying "Ta'veren." I would link it near constantly if the way I was doing these posts allowed for it. You're welcome that it's not. LOL (8) Talent, with a capital letter. So, some people have special talents? Well, we've seen Min's, and she hasn't been shuttled off to the White Tower so we can probably assume a Talent isn't related to channeling.

[kinetic-elaboration]

December 8: Holiday Parties

As expected, I basically worked the first half of the day and then the rest was a wash of parties and procrastination. The library holiday party was nice. I usually experience a degree of anxiety about the gift-giving part, but this time was better, mostly because I was distracted through a lot of it, not in a bad way.

My gifts were very well-received by A, which was a relief, and also heartening because I did sort of get them at the last minute. I went with the safe option of the exact book title she asked for and then also a small notebook that seemed her style, and I was correct, she really, really liked it. And a card with a roller skating flamingo, also On Brand. My gift-giver, K, gave me an excuse to buy more jewelry (gift card to the jewelry place I like) and finally the last of my new Olav translations. A complete set entirely paid for by the library staff, how nice. Now I'm obsessed with them again.

L made snowmen jars as sort of party-favor things. I immediately broke the nose on mine (while trying to evangelize about the Olav books lmao) but gorilla glue saved the day. I think he'll be okay.

The food was sort of disappointing, I won't lie, but that was probably my fault for ordering the wrong thing.

In the later afternoon, a few of us stopped by the staff holiday party. It was...not very impressive. It was supposed to be National Lampoon themed, which a lot of people...judged I think because they either don't really know what the movies are and think they're bad, or don't want to admit that they're not (some people have no taste...! I like Christmas Vacation and the original and I shall not pretend I don't.). But nevertheless even people who side-eyed it were still eyeing it.

Ultimately I'd call it amateur hour though. I did go early and there weren't a lot of people, which might have been part of it--but a lot of people had left the building already because it was being held Friday at 4 and like... I came for 15 minutes just to see, but I leave at 4:30 and I won't stay late for a work event. I mean you've already taken enough hours from my week. So the low turnout was probably a function of the timing is what I'm saying.

But even beyond that... in the pre-Covid years, the event was a simple but classy affair. Lots of finger foods, quality drinks, fairy lights, and I think it started at 3. Then in 2021 they took us to an amusement park and a new bar was set. Nothing will ever match that but at least last year, though it was disappointing by comparison, it was decently put together. This was like... they put in an Eiffel Tower but didn't have room for it so it was only partway up. There were little jokey references to the movies (squirrel in a tree, jelly of the month bonus, inflatable turkey) but they were stretched out kind of randomly and just... all felt small. It felt small and random. I feel so mean saying that. I do think they tried. And I was much more sympathetic to this concept that a lot of people were. But it just sort of....made me sad.

I've been zoning out since I got home because I just can't deal with this level of people and activity. Now it's late though and I need to actually sleep. Especially if I want to actually get things done this weekend.

[littlestsnicket]

thank you for the reply to the fic ask! now id like to know some of your thoughts on the adaptation process, if youd like to share them 👀

my pleasure! i love talking about writing :)

i don't really have thoughts about adaptation as a process, specifically, but i have a lot of thoughts about what makes the end result successful (and some very strong opinions about people being wrong on the internet about how adaptations are supposed to work).

the easiest place to start is that i view adaptation a lot like i view fan fiction. the point--for me--is to continue a conversation with the source material. the difference is that, for adaptation, i think if you're not doing this, you're doing something fairly objectively wrong, while for fic, it's just likely not something i'm interested in. adaptation needs to simultaneously be different enough from the source material to be it's own new thing and still actively engage with the original piece of media.

point for point plot accuracy does not make a good adaptation (i would go so far as to say that usually makes a bad adaptation). getting all of the characters "right"/accurate doesn't make a good adaptation (although you can go too far with this, and it's deeply frustrating to get the vibe that the author would rather be doing their own thing than adapting something). what's important to me is getting the sense that the adaptor really deeply engaged with and thought about the source material and is continuing a conversation about its themes. the themes don't even have to be the same; they just need to be in concert. like, thinking about the witcher, what they chose to focus on is maybe not, across the board, what i would have chosen, but it's internally coherent and makes sense, and, i think, demonstrates a better understanding of the books than a lot of what i have come to understand is in the games.

adaptations also really need to understand the differences between the source medium and the medium they're adapting to, and play to that mediums strengths and accept it's weaknesses. for example, i really don't like how shadowy lemony snicket is in the movie adaptation. it's so important that we feel a sense of intimacy with him, and not seeing his face feels very distancing. i like how they handled that in the netflix show much better. (however, i do think it would be really interesting if you never saw lemony, and the role was entirely voice over. i think that could create a different sense of intimacy. and also has the potential to be quite funny. (i'm thinking of the narrator in arrested development as a vague guide for what this would be like)) also at least for me, the pacing of a book and something on screen needs to be fundamentally different to be enjoyable.

anyway, an adaptation needs to have a point. like, the witcher is lauren and the writing staff going, "what if we restructured this as event television and made yennefer a co-lead from the beginning, instead of an antagonist like she is in the short stories and the first two novels?" and, like it or not, it's easy to see how most of the changes they made follow from that. they have plenty of time to fuck it up, but they have a thesis and are showing admirable committed to it. the worst thing you can do, especially in a serialized adaptation, is to make changes and back away from their consequences. i think yennefer, ciri, and jaskier in season 2 of the witcher are really good examples of this going well, and most of the major problems with season 3 of a series of unfortunate events are a result of dropping the ball on this. the problem is not that it's different; its that it doesn't hold together within its own thematic and plot continuity.

things are allowed to be different, but it's a problem when they are less. i still think the worst adaptation decision the witcher show made was what they did with the doppler. they have a very coherent thematic, and deeply subversive, point in the short story they are in, and the show erases that and replaces it with something entirely lacking in depth.

i mean this in the most "you're entitled to your own opinion" way possible, but people who want to see a plot accurate screen adaptation of things are wrong. there has to be a point. visually seeing the contents of a book does not justify an adaptation. (however, i do really really really want a full cast audio drama of the witcher. that would be so cool. and some day i'm going to listen to the lord of the rings audio books that andy serkis did, cause that is, apparently, basically what that is.)

hopefully that was somewhat interesting, and, of course, it is just my opinion!

[randomgirlintheinternet]

I couldn't help but make this post. There are so many unnecessary claims about Zutara that just don’t make sense??? Like, I have no idea where it is that they get these perceptions of their relationship because the Zutara I know is definitely not the one they're talking about.

Also, I want to warn people that it's not a wise idea to scroll through the Zutara tag on TikTok. You'll find some great videos and then some...not so happy comments about the ship.

Let me provide two examples both of which are from a popular TikTok which focuses on a video about an audience reacting to the Book 3 Trailer in an ATLA event that happened in NYCC 2008.

Unfortunately, I’ve learned the hard way that TikTok does not have many Zutara supporters. The Zutara tag has over 90.1 M views, but don't let that fool you because, in my supposed happy journey through Zutara tiktoks, the majority of the tiktoks under the tag quickly soured my mood. People on TikTok don't hesitate to hate on the ship.

“Zutara shippers don't deserve rights.”

Antis need to stop using this phrase because it's honestly gotten ridiculous. The hate for Zutara is wide and people are way too protective of their ships so that I can understand, but why do they make it seem like shipping Zutara is a crime? It's like they're thinking we’re shipping an abusive or downright immoral relationship which they're completely wrong 😭 I was expecting something like this so I wasn't surprised but what completely shocked me was the amount of likes their comment received. Almost 8k. 8k! I was going crazy.

But the second comment with almost 10k likes...

“I’m so glad katara didn't end up with zuko. Sis would have been invalidating zukos feelings with ‘well my mom died’. ”

...

I’M SORRY WHAT????

I also need to let people know about this ridiculous perception of Katara. Like, people on TikTok are actually believing that Katara mentions her mother’s death 24/7 and they're hating on her for some reason?? People have made it her gig constantly where her whole thing is reminding everyone of her mother's death and it's sickening. Outside of Tiktok as well but that platform is a good representation of what I mean.

Then, I can't believe that this person actually had the gall to say that Katara would invalidate Zuko’s feelings when they've already had the whole mom talk already? Back in Ba Sing Se in the catacombs, it was Katara who had first mentioned how the Fire Nation had taken her mother, Zuko then mentioned his mother and Katara sympathized with him. Like hello? Did you see that they've already talked about their mothers and Katara knows he's one of the few who understands? Katara knows about Zuko’s mother and he knows about hers.

Never say she would invalidate his feelings especially when she knows what it feels like to lose a mother. It's completely disrespectful to their friendship and to Katara’s character as whole.

People believe that Zutara is toxic when in reality that is based on the fact that Zuko and the Gaang were enemies for the majority of the series. They think Zutara is toxic because the series constantly had shown how Zuko and Katara were fire and water, sun and moon, antagonist and love-interest, and essentially the complete opposite of each other. All but their similarity in their hot headed tempers. This views of theirs cemented even further when Zuko joined the good side and Katara threatened him. Because how can Katara threaten him when he’s on the good side and being good? Must be toxic (note the sarcasm). They forget that the whole reason she was mad at Zuko more than anyone was because she was the one she opened up to about her mother and the first one to have accepted him before his betrayal.

They think their anger would be enough to break their relationship but forget the moments where Zuko knew he had messed up and understood that Katara was angry. Not once did he get angry at her for being mad at him for it because he understood already.

There’s another point I want to make and that point would be that Katara openly shows what she feels toward Zuko. Yes, she’s honest with the rest of the Gaang, but what I mean is that compared to Aang who ended up being her love interest, Katara let Zuko know why she was angry and how it hurt her. I can see why people might think that their tempers might intervene with the relationship but I also think that they haven’t fully considered fully just how compassionate the two can be and just how strong their bond had become within a few episodes. Heck, these two are supposed to be opposites but they’re much similar than what people may think. Katara and Zuko wouldn’t be afraid to let the other know when the other did something wrong.

Slight anti K@t@@ng ahead.

Aang and Katara’s relationship was already proven to be one where Katara mothered him and one where she’d hardly be harsh on him. I can imagine Katara bottling up some of her feelings and never telling Aang. I don’t imagine that happening with Zutara.

Some people may disagree with me and all I can say is that this is the way I see things. I’m still pretty baffled by that 2nd comment and I would honestly like to see the takes people have about it. Anyways, have a great day or night my Gs

[cocochannel00]

The Azoff Family: A Case Study on one of the Music Industry’s Most Connected Families

(ft. a breakdown of the Grammy voting process and problems)

This is very long so I will try and split it up into categories for everyone (sorry I got carried away- I spent like 2 hours writing this) but enjoy!

*Disclaimer: I want to preface while the majority of this is based in research, some parts may be speculation. I don’t know the family personally so I can’t tell you what goes on behind closed doors but I can tell you how parts of the entertainment/music industry work. I’ve had 5 internships in the industry (one in marketing at one of the big record labels) and the rest of my work is publicity (what I enjoy) and events and a former advisor used to run in the same circles as Irving Azoff (and he spilled some tea last year) I’m not out here to diminish the hard work of any artists or their teams, I’m simply here to showcase parts of the industry that aren’t always shown.*

Please also see: Story Time: How Fan Pages Directly Impact Columbia Records Decisions and Harry Styles Image

IRVING AZOFF: NEVER STOP THE GRIND

Let’s begin with the great business man himself Mr. Irving Azoff Irving Azoff is the literal posture child for connections and power in the music industry (he was also inducted into the 2020 rock and roll hall of fame class which is like a huge fucking deal for a manager to be inducted so you know he's the real deal)

In conclusion, I love Irving Azoff and his drive.

Irving Azoff: Early Years Run Down:

He came up middle class (dad was a pharmacist, mom a bookkeeper) in Danville, Illinois

He dropped out of college to run a small Midwestern concert-booking empire and managed local acts in the era

Opportunity came knocking and he got the chance to manage the Eagles and the rest is history

He's one of the best negotiators and has negotiated business on behalf of stars like Stevie Nicks, the Eagles, and Jimmy Buffet

Azoff has been an incredible manager and his drive to always advocate for his clients while basically not giving two sh*ts about what people think of him has gotten him the incredible reputation he has today.

All of Irving Azoff’s Major Job Positions:

Former President MCA (major label)

Former CEO of Ticketmaster and executive chairman of Live Nation Entertainment, the behemoth formed from Ticketmaster’s merger with Live Nation.

In 2013 he and Cablevision Systems Corp. CEO and New York Knicks owner James Dolan formed a partnership, Azoff MSG Entertainment (Currently still CEO)

----> Azoff also ran the Forum in Inglewood under Azoff MSG Entertainment after MSG purchased it in 2012 (it was sold in 2020 to the owner of the Clippers) — why do you think Harry played the forum for the Fine Line show? Azoff connection

Azoff MSG Entertainment encompasses all of the other companies including Full Stop Management, Global Music Rights (performance-rights org), and the Oak View Group (arena developing company)

He also is the co-founder and manager of the lobbying group Music Artists Coalition, a group that helps lobby for artists-rights issues such as royalty rates, copyright issue and healthcare insurance (see he's not all bad)

Essentially what I'm getting at is this man knows anybody who's anybody. He's the man you want on your team to help promote your music, plan your tour, and get you on that Grammy nom list.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

JEFFREY AZOFF: THE CHILD OF NEPOTISM

So for those of you that don't know, Jeffery Azoff is Harry's current manager and the son of Irving Azoff (the third of four kids). He's currently a partner at Full Stop Management, the company owned by Irving and the one artists such as Harry, Haim, the Eagles, Kings of Leon, and Meghan Trainer are signed to.

Jeffrey graduated from the University of Colorado's Leeds School of Business and started working fresh out of college at his father's old Management company (Frontline Management) working under Maroon 5's manager Jordan Feldstein (the only way you get that kind of internship/job as a 21 year old fresh out of college is if your family or family friends gives it to you). He worked here for 5 years.

Direct Quote from Irving Azoff to Jeffrey (really tells you a lot): "Listen carefully, because I’m going to say this one time. You have a phone and you have my last name. If you can’t figure it out, you’re not my son."

After working for his father, Jeffrey moved on to the talent agency CAA (Creative Artist Agency) where he worked for roughly 3 and half years before joining his dad in forming Full Stop Management in 2016.

While he was at CAA, Irving moved over clients like Christina Aguilera and the Eagles to the talent agency to help with tour booking instead of doing it internally through LiveNation (he was CEO).

Even though I'm sure Jeff has had to work somewhat hard to get to where he is (or at least to mess up his dad's work as he doesn't seem like the type to take laziness well), the door into the industry and every job was basically handed to him on a silver platter.

Not to mention if you watch episodes of keeping up with the  kardashians (like myself) you can actually see Jeff hanging out with kendall and the rest of the fam at their Palm Springs house (you know you're a nepotism kid if you have an in with the Kardashian crew). Invite me next time Jeffrey!!!

Think of the Azoff's as the mafia family of the music industry, you don't mess with the mafia

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THE GRAMMY AWARDS: STUDENT COUNCIL ELECTIONS ON STEROIDS

Ok so here's where we’re going to get into a bit more of the speculation/grey area. I don't need to tell you that award shows are corrupt (See the Golden Globes Emily in Paris scandal) and the Grammys are not an exception. Think of the Grammys as one big student council/government elections where despite the fact the teachers tell you six times to vote for the best candidate, you're still going to vote for your friends even if they aren't the best.

A simplified break-down of Grammy voting:

1) Recording Academy voting members (artists, producers, musicians- anyone involved first hand with the creation of music; All voting members must have been producers, performers or engineers on six or more tracks of a commercially released album (or 12 or more digital tracks) and record labels will submit nominations in various categories to the grammys (songs need to be released commercially between October 1 of the previous year and September 30th of this year). You can also become a voting member by either winning a grammy or being endorsed by a current voting member (hint hint)

2) Once received, the recording academy with have the academy of trustees and its reviewers organize them and approve any changes to the 30 categories/fields (aka they can add new categories or remove old ones; so no best ukulele album of the year -- this is where things get funky)

There's speculation that during this stage when these special groups of 8-10 people are organizing genres, there's an "unwritten rule" that you need to be careful what album you green light (especially for famous artists) if you don't want them to win) (Rob Kenner said this- he used to be on one of these committees). Famous people tend to get more votes from clueless or lay Academy members that don't know the specialized categories or don't care enough to listen to songs that aren't radio trending.

3) After the nominations occur, Voting members begin their first voting. Members can vote for the four general categories of record of the year, album of the year, song of the year and best new artist and a maximum of 15 categories, all within their areas of expertise. Now the interesting thing is that while these are the guidelines there is literally nothing stopping them from voting in whatever categories they want (i.g. a rapper voting in the opera category despite not listening to opera). Theses ballots are all tallied and the top 20 entries are determined in each category (funky moment #2)

In 12 of the 84 categories those top 20 go to the ballot and it's done; for the rest it’s not like that. 59 categories including the big four go to a "nomination review committees" (identities are protected so they can't get lobbied... sure) who take a look at the top 20 and narrow it down to 7 or 8. (these are the special committees the Weekend talked about when he was snubbed). They're supposed to choose the nominees "based solely on the artistic and technical merits of the eligible recordings" which lets be real if that was the case Watermelon Sugar (along with most of the others in the category) I don't think would have been nomimated as they are very generic pop (none of them are special... sorry to the WM lovers out there).

This committee is basically held to THE HONOR CODE SYSTEM... I mean tell me when the last time the honor code system worked in literally any scenario (literally wtf). Don't take my word for it though the former CEO of the Academy Deborah Dugan (a queen) filed a complaint against the Recording Academy basically claiming that the nomination review process was rigged (she was fired after 5 months on the job).

Quote from Deborah Dugan "Members of the board [of trustees] and the secret committees chose artists with whom they have personal or business relationships... It is not unusual for artists who have relationships with Board members and who ranked at the bottom of the initial 20-artist list to end up receiving nominations."

These review committees can also exploit there power by adding up to two nominees that don't appear on the top 20 list to the final voting ballot (except in the 4 big categories - which watermelon sugar that one wasn't nominated for)

They also have craft committees for like non performance stuff (like album notes, engineering and arranging) that don't even get voted on by the academy voting members

4) After all of that fucked up mess, the grammy's decided is ok, the ballots go back to the voting members for the final vote. Deloitte (an accounting firm) then counts all of them, seals them in envelopes, and delivers them to the Grammy award show.

** The Grammy's just announced this year they're removing the "secret committees" so let's see how things shift in the next couple of years**

So obviously I'm not saying this to discredit Harry's nomination or his win as Fine Line was in the US top 20 albums for the majority of 2020, however, we must acknowledge privilege. Harry has a big name to him and a huge following, and while all of that shouldn't be taken into account, it does. He also has the Azoffs, a very well connected family with friends in lots of places that would be able to put in a good word here and there to get support behind Harry. Harry won best pop solo performance for Watermelon Sugar in a category with Doja Cat, Justin Bieber, Billie Eilish, Taylor Swift, and Dua Lipa. Look at the names there, the songs (ya'll can try and remember them cause I'm too lazy to write it out) and tell me that those top names with all of the music produced didn't get there through some connections.

Do with all this information what you will and if you are interested in learning more about the entertainment industry on your own Endeavor (owners of WME, a big talent agency like CAA) is hosting a free online program called the Excellence Program to help guide the future generation of industry executives. The program is a-synchronous and starts on July 12th. Highly recommend giving it a go if you're interested!!!

Alright ya'll that's it. Feel free to message me with your thoughts!

Extra Sources if you'd like to read:

https://www.vice.com/en/article/pkdndn/how-grammys-voting-actually-works-and-where-the-alleged-corruption-lies

https://www.grammy.com/grammys/awards/voting-process

https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/music/story/2020-11-05/irving-azoff-eagles-manager

https://celebrityaccess.com/caarchive/jeffrey-azoff-exits-caa-to-launch-new-management-company/

https://www.rollingstone.com/pro/features/grammy-awards-secret-committees-945532/

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/grammy-awards-eliminate-secret-committees-voting-changes-1163887/

[heretherebedork]

I saw your (no book spoilers) again and 🥲 maaan, feel you..!

now that I read your take on KP's rs progress I kinda feel the same. I mean I wouldn't complain watching Kinn already becoming soft for Porsche yeah but.. same here w that hatesex aspect. And I also think that episode 2 wasn't really big of a help to see how their rs will continue.

If you ask me, Kinn will realize his attraction soon enough but obvi deny it (hence the makeout w that dude from the preview we didn't see yet) and I think Porsche will, especially once he knows about Kinn's sexuality, start thinking more about him and this feelings btw both of them

I'm putting it everywhere now. I've gotten so many between comments and anon messages that I just can't risk it. I want to just watch the show, not be explained how I'm supposed to feel about the show because of future events.

I want more time with them figuring out why they're going to be soft and how rather than just jumping into it.

I suppose part of it is that every single enemies to lovers I've seen in a while has been hatesex first and then other stuff and I want something more... bonding first and sex late. But, seriously, it's not gonna happen. I know. I can tell.

Kinn already knows Porsche is hot. He can tell. He's gay and smarmy, not blind. It's obvious that he sees that Porsche is, physically, his type. But also that he doesn't like him and that Porsche wants nothing to do with him in return.

Porsche seems likely to need more time to see past Kinn's personality to his physical attractiveness and I'm also okay with that. I want enemies to lovers, emphasis on enemy and on love, lol.

(no book spoilers!)

[penguinwithitsarseonfire]

Baby Just Say Yes

Relationship: 12th Doctor x Reader

Warnings: brief mention of drowning - but not graphically described, and some spoilers for War and Peace (the book, although I suppose it would apply to the TV show as well, since they're the same story)

Word Count: 2,704

Summary: When you, Bill, and the Doctor debate the merits of how many doughnuts are too many, it accidentally leads to a revelation on an event you hadn't actually known had happened. 

Request: Bill finds out that the reader is "married" to Doc and at some point Bill jokes calling the two her grandparents

A/N: I took the route of reader knowing the Doctor for years and years, just so it was easier to justify the nature of the Doctor and readers relationship. As a result, it's got some implied past 11 x Reader. Hope that’s okay!

Your finger trailed along the spines of the collection of books on one the shelves in the second level of the console room. You paused when your eyes landed on a familiar novel, one you had yet to crack open, but really wanted to. If so you could boast to the Doctor that you'd read it.

War and Peace.

1,225 pages. The Doctor had never had the patience for it. You took the novel out from the shelf, only for a plume of dust to pool into the air. It tickled your nose, making it itch.

Then you sneezed.

You rubbed your finger along the base of your nose in a vain attempt to scratch it, and narrowed your eyes at the dusty bookshelf. The Doctor had said he was going to dust it.

A muffled voice spoke from below, it took you a moment to place what was said, but you were pretty sure it was ‘bless you’.

You were on a planet the Doctor and you had discovered in his last face, back when he had been younger, had a longer chin, and was far more obsessed with sweets. It was famous for its doughnuts, the best in the galaxy, the Doctor had decided.

And that decision had stuck, since, when the Doctor had told Bill about the planet, she had decided that they absolutely must go.

You poked your head over the bannister and locked eyes with Bill. She was holding a doughnut in her mouth, and her hands were full balancing two trays. You realised it must have been Bill who spoke, because the Doctor was only now coming in, holding a near empty tray of doughnuts in one hand.

“Hey,” you said, and you placed your book on one of the chairs before hopping down the stairs. “You two get enough?”

Bill snorted, dropping her boxes onto the console and taking a bite out of her doughnut. “Not even. He,” she nodded towards the Doctor. “Has already eaten nearly every single one out of that box.”

Your eyebrows flew into your hairline, and you snatched the box out of the Doctor’s hands. You waved the Doctor away when he protested, and instead eyed the boxes contents. There was a single doughnut left. Out of nine doughnuts, and only one was left. It was round, with no hole in the middle, and a good layer of icing sugar sprinkled on top.

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Feeling sick yet?”

The Doctor raised his own eyebrow at you, and you knew, instinctually, that it was more effective than yours. “You do not get to lecture me on health.”

It was a weak rebuttal.

“You’ve had eight of them Doctor,” you took the final doughnut out of the box. “Eight.”

He snatched it out of your hand, and your face fell. “Timelord,” he replied, and then took a large bite out of the final doughnut. The Doctor immediately winced, then hissed. He pulled the doughnut away with a frown, and you saw the remnants of hot jam on his lips.

A swell of vindication ran through you, and, under the guise of wiping some of the jam off, you took the doughnut off of him. You let the air cool the jam slightly, not wanting to burn yourself too. “Eight,” you said again. “Is more than enough.”

“The very basics of my physiology are different,” he gestured to both his hearts for good measure, then tried to reach for the doughnut, you were ready though, and you held it out of reach. “I’ll be fine.”

“Just because you've got two hearts,” you said. “Doesn't mean you've got two stomachs. At the very least you'll get indigestion.”

And with that you took a hungry bite out of the very doughnut he had just stolen from you. It was good, they’d made it with raspberry jam, and the stark taste of the sharp raspberry against the sweet sugar warmed you. You gave him a satisfied smirk, and turned to Bill. “What about you, what’s yours?”

Bill had been watching you both, her head swinging between you like she was watching a tennis match. She had just bitten into her doughnut, and she looked slightly stunned that you had spoken to her.

“It’s really good,” she said, but her mouth was full so it sounded more like ‘ts r’lly gud. She swallowed, then continued talking. “Can’t remember what they said this one was,” and she turned to the Doctor, holding the doughnut up so both you and the Doctor could see its contents. It was filled with a rich purple paste. “What’s supposed to be in it?”

“Ube,” the Doctor said coolly, and he shuffled over to your side. You sidestepped him, taking another bite of the doughnut. He wasn’t getting it that easily. “It’s from the Philippines, traditionally.”

“We should’ve gotten more,” Bill said. “I think these are my favourite so far.”

This was the beauty of this planet, they were obsessed with Earth doughnuts, so they’d preserved every culturally significant recipe that Earth had, 1,893 – the Doctor had counted. They even had cronut’s, of all things, though you’d yet to try them.

The Doctor scowled at the other two boxes, and you stepped carefully in front of them.

“I chose a new book,” you said, which was a blatant redirection of conversation, but you powered through. “One I’m sure you haven’t finished.”

From the corner of your eyes, you noticed Bill was watching the pair of you again, as if a spectator of a sport.

The Doctor studied you carefully, and you knew he was humouring this new conversation. “That’s an unlikely assumption.

“War and Peace,” you said, with only a small hint of pride.

The Doctor cocked his head to the side, considering it. “You’re right, actually. I got bored once the Anatole and Natasha affair got going. Couldn’t visit the opera for a couple decades either.”

Your face fell.

Bill spluttered. “Did you just spoil it?”

The Doctor waved a hand. “The book's over 150 years old. If Y/N doesn't know about the ending by now then that's not really my fault.”

You vaguely heard Bill breathe out an Oh my God.

“That's one of the most arrogant things you've ever said,” you said, still processing the shock of how he had so simply said what he had. “And I once listened to you drone on for an hour on how you choreographed the macarena.”

“I did that in a different face though, younger, more nimble. I’ll have to tell you about how I taught Claude Debussy how to shred.”

“Like, on the guitar, or in the ocean?” Bill asked.

“Yes,” the Doctor said, and then he went to grab for the rest of the doughnut in your hand.

“Oh no,” you said, side-stepping him. “No more, especially not after you spoiled the book for me.”

“That’s ridiculous,” he said. “It’s not like I told you how Andrei dies in a gruesome battle against the French, and Natasha coincidently finds herself by his side as he dies on his deathbed, even though they’d long parted. Honestly.”

Your eyes bugged out of your skull, you could feel it, as though they were ready to up and roll away.

“Is Andrei an important character?” Bill asked slowly, and then, she meekly added. “I haven’t seen the show.”

You spoke very slowly, your voice low. You narrowed your eyes to the Doctor. The death of a major character was a pretty big spoiler. “I cannot believe you.”

The Doctor winced slightly. “I just rambled like I was 900 years old again, didn’t I?”

“At least,” you breathed. You swallowed your exasperation, and then, suddenly, you sneezed. It was loud, like it had to announce itself to the world, and you rocked backwards slightly. You sniffled.

“Bless you,” Bill said again, but her mouth was full, so it sounded like ‘bleshooo’.

You gave her your thanks, then turned to the Doctor, your mind going to the reason why you were sneezing in the first place. “Dusting,” you said. “You haven’t dusted yet. You said you would.”

The Doctor waved a hand. “I will, I’ll get round to it.”

“You offered, Doctor,” you continued, and in the back of your mind, you wondered if it sounded like you were nagging him . “No one asked you to do it, Nardole didn’t even ask. You offered.”

“You’re in a mood,” The Doctor said suddenly, and he leaned forward, so his big nose was almost against yours.. “Are you sick?

“I – what, no, I’m not sick,” you said, and you stumbled back suddenly. His eyes were so large, so close, and it was momentarily disarming. “You can be so infuriating sometimes, you know that?”

“You tell me constantly.”

Bill’s face grew into a large, delighted grin. “Oh my God,” she said. “You're like an old married couple.”

You turned to her, stunned. Or course, you were with the Doctor, but the idea of being married to him… well, he had done it, you knew he had, you’d been there, several years ago now when he’d had a different face with a long chin and an affinity for custard.

It certainly hadn’t been to you, though.

Of course, time had been broken and you’d been wearing an itchy eyepatch, but schematics.

You’d also seen the Doctor, a much younger face, one you had never travelled with, marry Queen Elizabeth the first. You’d been a ring bearer. It had been too fun teasing all three of faces of the Doctor that day for it.

But no. You had certainly never married him.

It wasn’t as if you didn’t want to, quite honestly, the thought had never crossed your mind. You had been so content in your relationship with him, how sure it felt, how right it was, that you’d never thought about anything more.

The Doctor, too, gawked, but for an entirely different reason. "You called me old.”

Bill glanced up and down the doctor's frame, which was enough to make her point.

“Fine,” the Doctor grumbled. “I'm old.”

“How are we like an old married couple?” You pressed, because the Doctor was not getting the key part of Bill’s statement.

“The bickering,” she said. “It's totally what couples do.”

You gaped and turned to the Doctor for some sort of guidance. You waited for him to shut it down. To laugh and just say it was because you were comfortable around one another. Instead, the Doctor only shrugged. "I mean,” he said. “Technically we are married'

You did a double take. Married. You were, apparently, already married to the Doctor.

What?

Bill gasped. “What - no, since when? Why didn't you tell me?”

“Yeah,” you said, finding your voice. “I'd quite like to know too.”

Bill turned to you. “Wait what do you mean?”

“This is news to me,” you continued. “We're married? Where was my something old and something blue?”

The Doctor gestured to himself, then around the console room - the TARDIS. So those were, apparently, the something old and something blue. A bit on the nose.

He raised an eyebrow, and you wondered if your expression was as confused as you felt. “On the foreshore of Tralite,” he prompted. “With the Arhkor embassy.”

That... that hadn't been a wedding. Had it?

You mind went back to that evening, so many years ago now, back when you had been travelling with Clara, back when the doctor knew who Clara was. Your heart clenched for a moment, you didn't think about those times often. You felt alone in those memories, like you were the only one who held them, could cherish them.

But you remembered, quite clearly.

Here's what had happened:

Every decade, the Arhkor would sacrifice a person with renowned intelligence to the foreshore of Tralite, a beach that was more pebble than sand. The sacrifice would sit in the water until they drowned, and their memories would be recorded into the water. Living memory, the Doctor had said.

But the sacrifice that year, a young girl named Ardiel, whose bright purple hair had matched her purple scales, had been so young, and she hadn’t wanted to die.

So the Doctor, in all his foolish martyring glory, had marched out into the sea himself.

And of course, you couldn’t let him do that, so you followed.

“That wasn’t a wedding,” you said. “You were trying to sacrifice yourself to an ocean.”

You remembered it, your hand clasped in his, and the water settling over you both. You hadn’t been scared, which, in hindsight, terrified you. You should have been scared, but you weren’t. You had felt calm, at ease, safe even.

You couldn’t remember exactly why you had both been spared, but the water washed away, leaving you both wet and cold – but alive. And the water had never asked for another sacrifice since.

“It was a marrying of the minds,” The Doctor said, enunciating the words like he was trying to drill the meaning into your brain. “The water had been the officiant.”

“This is so weird,” Bill said, and she took another bite out of her doughnut.

You found yourself agreeing with Bill. “Doctor, that makes exactly zero sense.”

“The water had found something worth more than intelligence,” the Doctor continued. “It had found love. So when it copied and pasted our minds, that’s all it found. It unified us. It was a wedding.”

You rubbed your forehead with your fingers, trying to process this.

“I gotta say,” Bill commented, and she’d finished the doughnut she had been eating and was now fishing another out of a box. She pulled out a brown doughnut that was an oval shape with a silt down the middle. “I dunno how many people can say their grandparents got married by an ocean.”

“Ox-tongue,” the Doctor said, and he nodded to the pastry in Bill’s hand. Then, he considered her statement. “And that’s true, you should use that. It’s a good pick up line, should impress a girl or two.”

Bill scrunched up her face. “Okay, one; Ox tongue? Seriously? That can’t be right.”

The Doctor shrugged. “It’s Cantonese. A friend once told me about it. Apparently it references the shape of the dough. That being said, it might also be horse ears.”

“Okay,” Bill raised a sceptical eyebrow. “I’ll maybe half trust it, because it doesn’t sound right, but I don’t know enough to prove you wrong,” she paused before speaking again. “Also, two; I don’t think those two can get mixed up. Three, I’m never, ever using that as a pick up line. Not ever. It’s terrible.”

Thankfully, the Doctor was so focused on Bill’s last point, that he disregarded what she had said earlier. “It’s an excellent line! You’ll get to teach the girls something new!”

“Sorry, circle back,” you said, because your brain wasn’t computing. You weren’t even sure what you needed to address first. The marriage comments? The grandparents comment? The ox tongue?

Both Bill and the Doctor looked to you expectantly.

You pointed to the Doctor. “First of all, still wasn’t a wedding,” you then pointed to Bill. “Second of all, grandparents? I know he’s old but I’m certainly not.”

“Yeah but you’re with him,” she said, after swallowing part of her doughnut. She took another eager bite.

“He is sitting right here,” the Doctor grumbled. “But alright, if it wasn’t a wedding up to your standards, we can always do something different,” he stood up. “We can arrange it.”

Your brain short circuited, and you had to reprocess what the Doctor had said.

We can always do something different. We can arrange it.

Had the Doctor just proposed to you?

You were so stunned you didn’t even protest as he plucked the remaining doughnut from out of your fingers, wandering out of the console room. “Let me know,” he called out. “And we’ll get to reading that Tolstoy.”

You sat there, bug eyed, and turned to Bill. She was wearing a similar expression, she’d dropped her own doughnut, which sat dejected on top of one of the doughnut boxes.

“Did what I think just happened, happen?” You asked, your voice only slightly shrill.

Bill nodded. “I – uh, yeah. I think so.”

You stood up, and sprinted after him.

A/N^2: I gotta give huge thanks to the ever-sweet @phxntxmx​, who pointed out there was a bit of confusion in how I described one of the doughnuts here. I’ve tried to clear it up and make it a bit more consistent, since it’s not something I know about for sure.