#Basil is king simp

[everythingdestroyingme]

Will never be over how Basil was just concerned for his friend. He just wanted what was best for him. And even when shown the epitome of Dorian’s soul, and forced to face the monstrosity of the painting, all he could think to do was point out all the places Dorian was still himself.

[ominoose]

𝐎𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐅𝐢𝐜 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭

A list of seasonal fanfics I've read or found over the month of October that I really enjoyed for future reference and others to check out <3

Since this got so long and we're only halfway through kinktober, a Part Two will be posted after Halloween.

Part 2

Key: 🎃 - NSFW ┆ 🤎 - x reader

Making Memories: Halloween by TockTornInReverse Steven, Marc and Jake decide to make new Halloween memories with Layla. System is very autistic. Very comfy and cozy. Characters: Moon Knight System, Layla Elfouley WC: 5.3K Birds of a Feather, Now and Forever by RebeccaOTool The System has to steal back Khonshu's ubshati. A funny lil fluff. Characters: Moon Knight System WC: 1.1K

Smarties Are Fine (But M&Ms are Traditional) by RebeccaOTool System are thumbsized (idk) and play a Halloween prank on Layla. Cute lil art at the end. Characters: Moon Knight System, Layla Elfouley WC: 683

My Way by @ladywynne Had me genuinely crying in a college bathroom. System dies with Jake. Hurts to even think about. Seasonal because trauma is halloweeny technically. Characters: Moon Knight System WC: 2K

Life's No Fun Without A Good Scare by RebeccaOTool Moon Knight and Hocus Pocus crossover. As goofy as it sounds. Characters: Moon Knight System, Layla Elfouley WC: 17.6K

Bad Moon Rising by interstellarwraith You go to a Haunted Attraction with Steven, accidentally end up on a double date with Marc. Characters: Steven Grant, Marc Spector WC: 1.3K ┆ 🤎

Moron by @jayke0 Pathetic man Cecil walks in on Blue pounding you and gets whiny. Characters: Cecil Dennis, Blue Jones WC: 1.9K ┆ 🎃🤎

You've Got Me Now by @jayke0 Basil starts an onlyfans after finding your onlyfans then you both bang. Characters: Basil Stitt WC: 2.5K ┆ 🎃🤎

Formal Wear by @flightlessangelwings Duke Leto likes your formal outfit a little too much. Characters: Leto Atreides WC: 1.5K ┆ 🎃🤎

Glove Kink by @winniethewife Jakes puts his gloves up your hooha. Characters: Jake Lockley WC: 632 ┆ 🎃🤎

Peak-A-Boo by @hon3yboy Nathan ghostface au that made even the biggest Nathan disrespector (me) simp for him. Characters: Nathan Bateman WC: 5.7K ┆ 🎃🤎

Private Show by @jayke0 Blue Jones but for the chubby girlies. Characters: Blue Jones WC: 1.4K ┆ 🎃🤎

King John The Scandalous by @boredzillenial Being a maid in King Johns castle comes with a lot of hassle. Characters: King John WC: 1.2K ┆ 🎃🤎

Lost in Love (and in a maze) by @w-m-heart On an anniversary date with Jake, you both go to a corn maze and get lost. Characters: Jake Lockley WC: 1.2K ┆ 🎃🤎

Accidental Stimulation by @outcome3 Blue hides in a closet to snoop on the girls until you squeeze in with him. Characters: Blue Jones WC: 775 ┆ 🎃🤎

Jake Has Ghosts by @reallyrallyauthor Short smut drabble themed around ghosts that was so poetic and good in the short wordcount it had. Characters: Jake Lockley WC: 245 ┆ 🎃🤎

Tied Down by @melodygatesauthor In the asylum with Blue Jones and he... ties you down. And acts like a condescending asshole. Characters: Blue Jones WC: 300 ┆ 🎃🤎

[fanaticsnail]

meant to send this yesterday but the sleepy got me so....

Off to an amazing start with my dad coming up behind me during opening credits/music and asking if I'm watching Tom & Jerry.

Thats such a pretty frame!

I wasnt expecting singing!! But hell yeah!! Sing your funky songs, bug man! - Ooooooh, is that a watercolor background? So pretty!

THE 🏹 BLACK ⚫️ FOX 🦊 - "Good friend Griswold from the north" Snail, is there something you'd like to sbare with the class?

Also, the costuming! I havent seen this many men in tights since Romeo and Juliet!

Sword Fight⁉️

Quick aside; his daughter looks so unbothered. Also, what is she embroidering? Is that a map? - "You marry griswold" -girl, I CACKLED

The King X Griswold- 20 k slowburn, friends to lovers - The singing should not surprise me as much as it does. I was practically raised on bollywood, so its not like im not used to it, maybe its because this is Hollywood not Bollywood, so I'm not used to it here? - Wearing his clothes is one thing, but did Hawkins make 6 additional Fox outfits for his friends? I'm starting to see the Buggy comparison you were making

I've always been under the belief that every weird little man needs a weird little child. So far, I'm not disappointed

Pretty sets, pretty people, what's not to love? - UGHHHH this is so soft, I love itttttt

question: did he do his own singing for this? singing for yourself isn't common in Bollywood so idk. - ONE BED? ONE BED!!??!??!!

Damn, no song in the swiss Alps, but worth it to see this little nerd short-circuit around a pretty girl. Ripe for the fic writing, this scene.

Me and who? ME AND FUCKING WHO?

Couples who commit crimes together stay together. Nothing like some good old treason to set the mood. - waitwaitwaitwaitwait she's actually a witch????

If Jean and Hawkins aren't endgame I'll cry - This movie is like if the Princess Bride and Once Upon A Mattress had a child and made Monty Python and the Holy Grail the godparent - JEAN 🩷✨💋 (she didn't do anything, I just think she's pretty) - Snail! Snail, why haven't you written this fic yet??? - I-I don't think that's how lightning works......could be wrong tho, who's to say, I've never been struck by lightning.

They're both the same flavor of stupid, bless - HIS FUCGKNG HEAD!! - That white shirt 🫦 That orange dress 🫦🫦 - THE 🏹 BLACK ⚫️ FOX 🦊

What the hell is going on???????????? - UGH, what an icon - okokokokok so the king is on the throne now but he's still....yk a baby. Give me a 10k fic about Jean being a girl boss and running the kingdom while Hawkins sits there like the goof he is and just admires her. 10k words of him being the biggest simp in existence.

-♡♡

Me at you right now:

"With your permission, my lady. I'd like to go round again."

I love Danny Kaye and Basil Rathbone. The fact that Angela Lansbury is there too as a gorgeous young, sassy princess is just my favourite thing.

"If it pleases me, you will marry Griswold." "If it pleases you so much, you marry Griswold." -> yes, queen. Get it. She is going to be the model for the type of sass Sir Crocodile's Sapsorrow is going to need to endure.

Your commentary is everything. The shipping of Griswold and the King is just hilarious. I need it 🤌.

Hawkins x Jean is beautiful. The whole plot is simply the best: failing forward incarnate. The masquerade trifecta. The disguises. The songs. The wenches. The silly dancing. Danny Kaye can absolutely sing, and his voice is gorgeous. His speciality was reciting tongue twisters.

My favourite line in the whole movie is: "Sometimes tenderness and kindness can also make a man. A very rare man." Coming from a strong woman who had to claw tooth and nail to become the pinacle of her rank. In the 50s.

Again, I love this movie to much that I got a tattoo of it.

I hope you liked it. It's an odd one, I'll give you that. It's one of my childhood favorites.

[ohanny]

hidden agenda episode 2

"basil chicken without the basil, please"

- i love how this episode starts off strong with zo on a date with joke, not that zo has any idea this is what's happening - "my tongue is always getting me in trouble" ¬‿¬ - you think in five episodes we will get zo thinking this "we can just stay as classmates" was his last chance to run and avoid a life of homosexual bliss? - i love zo's absolute tunnel vision when it comes to this idea of joke helping him get nita and joke is literally looking anywhere else, just asking zo out to eat, "my treat" like dumb dumb, that's a date! - why is it peak zo to be like "basil chicken but no basil, please" - but look at joke widening his horizons! he's totally like "first i will feed you spring rolls, next it will be my dick"

reasons to join the debate team: 1. [NEW]: so p'wave can step on me 2. [⬇] the dumpster fire that is joke-zo-nita 3. [=] actually developing valuable skills

- but for real, i would also be down bad for nita, girl call me - i love the debate team debating about the pros and cons of letting joke join their crew and it basically being girl: well, he is really hot boy: but has anyone ever heard him talk, let alone debate? - zo is such a dedicated good boy, i can't with him, but he gets so shifty when joke is brought up :D honey, you are being sus as fuck

- HOW does zo not realize he is being flirted with by a man who is so gone on him, he thinks helping the dummy to woo his ex girlfriend is a great idea??? the agenda is not hidden at all

- i do love a man motivated by a shiny cup - the way zo is like "one day i shall be the debate champion" and joke is basically putting together a mental pinterest board of their wedding. your honour, the man is a simp

- the episode is not even halfway through and this is the second time joke has conned zo to have a date dinner - if it wasn't 2AM and i wasn't having espresso twitches, i could go on a rant about the significance of joke getting zo - a person clearly stuck in his ways and reluctant to branch out - to try new things

- oh my dear lord he is practicing his debate stuff and being so cute about it, do not make fun of the poor baby - also what is this place? does he live in a mcmansion? - the random seniors in this show are all unfairly attractive - "look at this guy drinking a soda. in a bar" - someone who knows what's up

- "is he wave's mentee? be careful of those guys." EXCUSE ME? what is going on here? what is with the ominous music? is the debate club some weird junior branch of the mafia? - i am getting vibes. i am officially shipping this bar owner with p'wave, it is done. new hyper fixation. the head canons are canoning. like i need to know who got their dick sucked and heart broken. - joke and his dedication to get zo to eat new things vol. 3942 - ksjkdfakjf JOONG. i see a shadow of stubble and i am on the floor. - zo: remember how i taught you the gazing technique? use it. joke, a man physically unable to tear his eyes off zo: ... - they are holding hands and joke is freaking out because oh god, he is just a shy bean, isn't he? like he masks his social awkwardness by being big and grumpy and now he is being coached by a man in a 2012 bieber haircut - "i don't think anyone realizes how fast my heart is racing right now" BITCH PLEASE I AM UNDER THE FLOOR OH GOD

- how is zo and literally everyone else in the bar not in love with this man by now? - he is not singing "choose me, choose me, i'll take good care of you" adlaflkdjf fucking hell (ಥ﹏ಥ)

- yes, zo, go off responsible king! don't drink and drive! give this man a ride instead, he has earned it - joke went from mildly annoyed over being babied to absolutely smitten because zo was worried about him to oh fuck shit nita in a matter of seconds - "are you sulking?" YES HE IS! you broke his tender heart yet again you fucking piece of bieber - i don't know how necessary taking zo's glasses off was for placing the helmet on his head but it was very necessary for my well being - "why were you talking about having a crush?" BECAUSE HE HAS ONE ON YOU

- zo is such a happy lil hamster driving the bike and joke is probably feeling like a roasted marshmallow at this point. like he 10/10 sniffed the back of zo's neck and downright confessed already but of course the dumb-dumb didn't hear it... the tropes are troping so hard MY HEART - what the fuck they mentioned finland?!?! TORILLA TAVATAAN! - joke is walking like a man on a mission and it is very sexy - the hair curl is swirled, the denim is hugging those thighs, the sleeves are rolled... - they made this so dramatic for no reason like how p'wave is all "he is two seconds late and literally no one else is here yet OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" (like seriously, is this a debate mafia?!) and joke definitely could have squeezed his way into that elevator, none of those girls would have minded one bit like pls - lmfao even nita is like "what's up with you? why are you here?" - oooh, p'wave is definitely up something like he is plotting and that just made him at least 45% hotter in my eyes. older man: ✓ face sculpted to the gods: ✓ possibly evil: 🚩🚩🚩 zo, a person who begged a girl's ex to help him woo her with inside knowledge: hidden agendas are wrong because there should be no secrets when you start a relationship joke, sweating: ... - also joke: spanks that button so hard damn

joke: but what if i fart a lot zo: this hardly counts as a hidden agenda joke: then what is it? zo: your talk of flatulence has rendered me speechless everyone: all hail joke, our new debate king - nooo HE GOT BUDDY ZONED - oh, good job gay gravity, we had the swoon and we got a man down on his knees like that's a double whammy!

WAIT WE ARE GETTING A HOT GIRL MAKEOVER MONTAGE NEXT EPISODE oh god those were my favorite bits of america's next top model although i think we all know who's gonna be on top here

[selfshipping-shapeshifter]

❥.⋆↜My F/os↝⋆.★

▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞

Bolded character names are the more main f/os, italicized names are secondary f/os, and unedited names are the ones I don’t simp for as often

Red names are the f/os who are on my mind the most at the moment or are my current hyperfixation, if I remember to edit it-

⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆

A Monster in Paris:

Emile

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Bendy

Beetlejuice:

Beetlejuice

Delores

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Bendy and the Ink Machine/Bendy and the Dark Revival:

Sammy Lawrence

Twisted Alice Angel

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Call of Duty Zombies:

Edward Richtofen (both Primis and Ultimis)

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Cuphead:

Chef Saltbaker

King Dice

The Devil

Werner Werman

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Danganronpa:

Teruteru Hanamura

Hifumi Yamada

Ryoma Hoshi

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Detroit Become Human:

Connor

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Fallout 4:

Nick Valentine

Hancock

Jack Cabot

Kent Connolly

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Five Nights at Freddy’s:

Funtime Freddy

Molten Freddy

Sun/Moon/Eclipse

Monty

Glamrock Chica

Glamrock Freddy

Springtrap (specifically Roger Stanford aka the one from Springtrap and Delilah)

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Gravity Falls:

Stanford Pines

Stanley Pines

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Grounded:

Dr. Wendell Tully

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss:

Baxter

Sir Pentious

Lucifer

Husk

Vox?

Stolas

Blitz

Fizzarolli?

Asmodeus?

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Homegrown Pet:

Hector

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

John Doe Game:

John Doe

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Portal 2:

Wheatley

GLaDOS

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Puss in Boots The Last Wish:

Death

Goldilocks

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Red Shoes and the Seven Dwarfs:

Prince Average

Hans

Jack

Arthur

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Scrutinized:

Tanner Grayton

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Skyrim:

Inigo

Lucien Flavious

Kaidan

Auri

Miraak

Cicero

Madesi

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Spooky Month:

Bob Velseb

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Super Mario Bros Movie:

Bowser

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Team Fortress 2:

Medic

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

The Bad Guys:

Mr. Wolf

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

The Great Mouse Detective:

Basil

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

The Hunger Games:

Finnick Odair

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Trapped With Jester:

Jester

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Undertale/Deltarune:

Rouxls Kaard

Mettaton

Jevil

King of Spades

Swatch

Muffet

Spamton

Sans

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

Your Boyfriend:

Peter

❀♡❀♡❀♡❀♡❀

My Ocs:

Klaus Hendrix

Rosaline Beam

Damien Sanguine

Tyrilon Lennox

Leo Finnegan

River Montoya

⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆★⋆

These are all romantic f/os btw

This list will update every time I get a new f/o if I remember-, which is quite often

Also, I’m completely fine with sharing my f/os with others and I completely understand if some people are uncomfortable sharing f/os! I don’t really want any jokes about “stealing my f/o” or anything like that

▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞▞

[gotatext]

JUDE & NAOMI —  DAY TWENTY-EIGHT.

location :   kitchen.

time :     evening.

description :  jude cooks up a storm meanwhile naomi nearly slices her finger off because he asked her to cut one vegetable.

featuring :   naomi  /  @heatwayve

𝗷𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘀𝗲𝘆.

there’s a weird vibe in the villa, and it’s got jude pranging out. after everything that happened this morning with romi, and then her saying she doesn’t want to share a bed with him, it’s hard not to draw conclusions about seeing dante and romi flirting. he doesn’t want to be made out to be a mug. what the fuck had happened? he’d literally had them up against the sinks with their legs around his waist, and now they’re acting like it’s nothing? it’s shady. if they end up sharing with dante instead, he’ll be fuming. whatever. it’s not even a thing. he’s here to have a good time, not to get bogged down on day one because romi’s giving someone else attention. jude's in the kitchen throwing herbs in a pan with what might look like reckless abandon, but is actually pretty tried-and-tested, as he mixes up a tomato and basil sauce for his pasta bake. spotting naomi on her way somewhere, he waves her over, gathering some of the sauce on the end of his wooden spoon and crossing the kitchen to meet her. “hey, try this,” he says, catching her chin in his hand as he lifts the spoon for her to taste it. “think it needs more chilli flakes, or is it spicy enough?” he used to do those most intense spice king challenge youtube videos for clickbait, so his barometer for what’s spicy is kinda fucked. “feel like i’m always making you taste shit for me, naomi." he could make a joke about her willingness to put shit in her mouth, but he decides to save it.  wow. growth. "i trust your judgement, though.” she doesn’t seem the type to sugar coat. if something’s shit, she’ll tell him.

naomi santos

for once, naomi's kind of relieved that the weird vibes in the villa have nothing to do with her. head still reeling from the night before, naomi's kept a certain measure of distance from the bombshells, on the likely pretense of 'baggage,' many of them have let her have it. even jude, who over the past few hours has started to reveal himself as more trouble than even naomi had gathered on her first read. if she weren't quite as bothered about the romi/josh thing, maybe naomi would be getting on to him about it, but instead . . . well, maybe she'd just rather see how things unfold. "always? i met you today, babe," she laughs. "when i think i said . . . don't touch?" jogs his memory with an arch of her brow, shaking his hand away with a jerk of her chin. naomi grabs his hand with her own, pressing it against his chest like she's putting it back where it belong. she takes the spoon from his other hand,  not holding back from keeping eye contact as she gives it a taste. "that's supposed to be spicy?" she asks dubiously.

𝗷𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘀𝗲𝘆.

she's caught him there. "okay. twice then." he's not sure he likes the pet name—it feels condescending somehow —and he kinda gets where she was coming from earlier. "uh, it's jude or nothing..." so the no touch rule only applies to him, apparently, his eyes heavy on her when she shifts his hand to his chest, his smile taunting him. no, he doesn't enjoy being manhandled by naomi, or being put in his place, but there's something entertaining about it. "supposed to be. clearly i've fucked it, though. more chilli flakes it is." he holds his hand out for the wooden spoon, not wanting to risk taking it from her and accidentally brush the slip of her wrist. it's like a fucking period drama. who's boundaries are that strict? live a little. "d'you want some? i've made enough for two." three if they have small portions. he probably should've asked romi, but he's already made them lunch today. can't be acting like a fucking simp 24/7 or he'll lose his street cred. naomi santosBOT — 01/14/2023 11:58 PMa smile tugs at the corner of her lips as he throws her words back at her. "okay," she concedes, a tilt of her head that could only be described as sassy when she looks back at him, drawing his name out, "jude." she pauses for a second before adding, "that short for something? judith?" clearly they're chatting now, so she passes the spoon back to him and hoists herself up onto the countertop with the palms of her hands, leaning back on them as she watches him work. "is this an olive branch?" she asks, trying to gauge his angle. her tone is still a bit teasing, though, lighthearted, like she can't be assed to take him completely seriously, "or are you grafting?"

𝗷𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘀𝗲𝘆.

he'd like to say he's immune to it — that naomi santos charm he'd spoken of — but he isn't. he's not sure if any guy would be if she was grinning at them like the cat that got the cream. but at the same time, he isn't going to be another claw-footed bath tool used to scratch naomi's ego, content to completely ignore her if it means she won't try to wrap him around her finger, too. "yep. that's me - judith dempsey. you got it first try. you want a prize or something?" he takes the spoon, returns to his sauce pot, and tosses in more chilli flakes, moving the sauce around the pan to keep it from sticking.  "nope. definitely not grafting," jude states, emphatically, almost a scoff in his tone. "i'm just being nice. i know, shocker." his eyes snap across to her, sitting pretty on the kitchen counter, which is a fat load of good to him. "if you want feeding, you'll have to at least look like you're helping. you can chop me up some chorizo if you want. or failing that, chuck us a beer."

naomi santos

"depends what kind of prizes you're offering," she remarks, an arched brow. she will be calling him judith from now on, though, since he's said that. she watches him out of the corner of her eye as he works, not much in the kitchen herself. "good," she states, as if she's the one who suggested that he not graft her, "seems like i'm not the only one with my hands full in here, anyhow. better keep up with what you've got." if anything that seb's said is enough to go by. it's day one and naomi herself isn't interested in getting caught in a bunch of trouble, another reason for people to write her off as the problem. "though i'm not sure being nice is the best strategy in here, wasting your time making besties with little ol' me," though this is entirely facetious. she's a formidable ally. if he's smart, he knows it. "you want my help?" lower lip juts out slightly, a playful pout. "i thought you were being nice?"

𝗷𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘀𝗲𝘆.

eyes narrowed, jude throws naomi a look that hangs in the balance between exhaustion and irritation, even if it only runs half-true. “it was a fuckin’ rhetorical question. but… sure, fuck it. what prize do you want?” as if feeding her isn’t enough. “i still get to say no if i don’t like it, because i’m the one granting the prize.” her single-worded response—good—is laughable enough that jude snorts, sudden and instinctive as a knee jerk reflex test. "yeah, good. okay." shaking his head, he turns the heat on his pan down. “i’m good at juggling,” jude shrugs. “good at card tricks too, if you’re interested.” turning around, he flips her the middle finger. “is this your card?”  he actually is kinda decent at close-up magic, having studied a book about it during one of his brief stints at juvie, back before he was a reformed bad boy on the hunt for love and the opportunity to better himself (or so he’d told the producers). but he’s not about to have a real conversation about card tricks with naomi. she’d probably call him a fuckin’ nerd. “who said i wanna be besties? who said i even wanna be friends?” he turns to look at her, eyes falling to the pout of her lower lip, and rolls his eyes. “you ever read that story about the little red hen? nobody wanted to help her farm the grain or fetch the wheat, so when she baked the bread she kept it all for herself.” apparently, it’s children’s literacy hour.  “don’t be a dick, naomi.”

naomi santos

she's not the kind of girl enticed by the hard-to-get thing. if a guy doesn't want her, she's not bending over backwards for attention when she knows she can get it somewhere else – it's the same with jude. she doesn't need his validation. "i dunno if there's anything you could offer me that i'd actually want," naomi drums her fingertips on the countertop, thinking out loud. "guess if this turns out to be any good, you could cook for me again." naomi narrows her eyes skeptically, "are you really? were you in the circus?" a short laugh, "'cause that'd explain a lot." there's a joke about a clown here somewhere that naomi's still piecing together. she can't help but grin, tongue poking out from between the left corner of her teeth, eyes shining as he flips her off. she's way more amused than offended by that, it's got its own uncouth charm. "are you one of those guys that do slight of hand magic to impress a girl at the bar?" she asks, "materialize a quarter from behind their ear or something? because that's an ick." she tilts her head as he refutes her statement, "okay," naomi pauses, still figuring out his angle, "so, what do you want to be then?" it's hard to construct the reason for his olive branch otherwise, not sure what it is he wants for her. but she doesn't even earn her own name if she doesn't find out. "okay, suit yourself," cheeky grin as she hops off the counter, "let me hold the knife."

𝗷𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘀𝗲𝘆.

“that's 'cos i don’t have anything you’d want,” jude agrees, half-laughing in response. he’s comfortable with this, the kind of jibing banter that wouldn’t be out of place in the pub back home. she’s got that british sense of humour down that most americans lack, unless she’s being straight up rude and jude’s choosing to interpret it as a joke. “cook for you again? you must be joking.” as if he doesn’t enjoy spending hours in the kitchen, chatting shit about ‘the right wine’ to pair with a shitty spag bol. he’d cook for everyone, if they let him. “yeah. how can you tell? i was an aerial silks artist,” he jokes, whipping his wooden spoon through the air in an elaborate display of choreography, and pelting the fridge with red sauce. “oops. that looks nasty. shame i didn’t see who did it.” her amusement only feeds his antics further, encouraging his stupidity, when he sidles over to naomi, nudges her knees apart with his hips, and plucks a twenty pence piece seemingly from between her thighs. “yep,” he says, and drops the coin onto her leg, returning to the pan. “have the ick, if you want. doesn't affect me. i’m not trying to fuck you.” he’s still not sure how much of that statement’s true. his cheeks lift up when she asks what he wants them to be, jude clapping back with “isn’t it a bit early for the ‘what are we’ talk?” before it can gather any steam. the truth is, he doesn’t know — all he knows is that she’s too interesting to just fuck and then not talk to, too entitled and affluent to ever graft seriously, and sadly too hot to avoid. he reaches for the largest knife in the chopping block, and hands it to her, fingers clamped around the blunt edge of the blade. sliding over the chorizo, jude can’t help but smirk. he leans back against the fridge, folds his arms across his chest, and watches her. “go on then. emasculate me.” there’s obviously a misandry joke to be made about watching her hack up a sausage but jude isn’t witty enough to think of one.

naomi santos

"yeah, you can say that again," naomi replies, a roll of her eyes. it's not actually malicious, though, almost jovial. it's kind of like they've taken the usual love island pressure off of this interaction, her insistence that she's not interested and him, likewise. naomi will choose to believe there's a small part of it that isn't entirely true because he's a man and she looks the way she does, but for the most part it is. "well, like i said, we'll see if this is any good first. not a promising start," she points out. naomi does like when people cook for her, though, wouldn't be surprising if acts of service were her love language, but she's in the best mood when she's being treated. "oh, that's a lovely mental picture," she snorts, not at all prettily, no effort to laugh cute, and tries to hide the amusement on her face when he brandishes the spoon toward the fridge. narrow-eyed glance as he stands between her, an arch of her brow that says, is this an attempt to seduce me? – because she's already laid out that it won't work. "i'm giving you advice, dipshit, i'm not the only one who'd get the ick from something that cringe," she tells him. "just trying to figure out what the fuck you want," she motions between them, "out of this." because if it's not a fuck, not friendship, not...anything, then what's he cooking for her for? her gaze on him is intense for a moment before she decides to just revel in the confusion and go along with it. she'll reach for the knife, a devilish grin back at him, sure to make eye contact as she brings the knife down over something phallic. "careful, i might think you're into that," she teases. granted, naomi's not exactly the best in the kitchen, doesn't cook much, and after he averts his attention, it doesn't take long for her to bring the knife down in the wrong place – narrowly slicing her own finger. "fuck," voice soft as naomi turns toward the sink quickly before he can make a jeering comment about her inadequacies.

𝗷𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘀𝗲𝘆.

jude’s never seen her snort laugh like that before on tv. there’s something uninhibited about it, like it’s a rare glimpse into the real, unfiltered naomi without the polish and the poise. maybe he’d like that version of her better. it doesn’t really matter since they’ve decided that they’re not friends, they’re not gonna fuck, he’s just gonna make her dinner and then they’ll go their separate ways or whatever the game plan is here. “glad you think so. you’ll have to come and see me when we do the tour.” he wonders how hard it would be to learn aerial silk as a joke⁠—not that he’d actually do it, it’s just funny to think about. would romi get the ick if he did close up magic? maybe—he’d have to ask them⁠—but then naomi asks what he wants out of this, and he’s no longer thinking about what romi likes, his focus fixed on naomi instead. “this?” he asks, amused, gesturing between them with the spoon. “what are you chatting about? this isn’t a thing.” if they air this conversation, the group chat will be fucking slaughtering him, not that it’s even worthy of airing. somehow, the situation he’s found himself in with naomi is more addictive to jude than straight up chirpsing her would ever be. he likes the uncertainty of it. he doesn’t feel the need to define every single relationship with a woman as ‘friend’ or ‘fuck’. it’s just dinner, no strings attached, he’s not even making it for her, he’s just happened to make more than necessary. romi’d told him that making her jealous wouldn’t do it for her. that doesn’t mean he can’t cook for someone else, can’t flirt with someone else, if this is even flirting. with naomi, it’s hard to tell. he doesn’t respond to the implication that he likes it. the emasculation part, not so much, but the bossy part? he digs that. 

watching her, he almost takes the knife to show her a safer way to cut, but he doesn’t want to mansplain how to cut a fucking sausage to her. she’s a grown up, she’ll manage. his eyes are darting between the bubbling pot of sauce and her hands when it happens. there’s only a second to register, her name slipping from his lips in a warning just as she brings the knife down, and cuts. “shit,” jude sighs, almost at the same time as naomi’s expletive, heat turned off the stove and spoon chucked in the pan almost as soon as it happens. “just keep it under cold water,” is all he says, already taking off at a jog towards the villa, almost smacking into angel on his way, a wayward ‘sorry dude’ as he hunts for the first aid box. luckily, it isn’t far from the door. he plucks it down from the wall, returns to the kitchen. it’s only been a matter of seconds since the cut happened. running on adrenaline but calm under crisis, he opens the tin, setting out a plastic wrapped piece of cloth, some disinfectant, a pair of scissors and a set of blue plasters. “here, just give it to me a second,” jude says, after sanitising his hands, half expecting her to bat him away. he takes hold of her finger beneath the tap, squeezing the finger a little. “no, it’s fine. a bit of bleeding’s good. it’ll get out any bacteria or whatever.” when the bleeding’s slowed, he guides her hand back under the tap, his heart rate starting to slow. “alright, looks like we’re not having chorizo in it then. maybe leave the chopping to me next time.” he can’t help but think this is a great out. do a shitty job for someone, and they’ll never ask you to do it again. 

naomi santos

"i know it's not a thing," naomi sighs, a roll of her eyes. "i just don't get you, that's all." a little exhale of breath, a mixture between a huff and a sigh as she eyes him. she knows that they don't have to define things, but that's in real life. right now, time moves quickly, and she's trying to decide whether jude is a friend or an enemy, and he's not giving her much to fuel the flame either way. what does he want from her? in all honesty, naomi's never in her life met anyone who's wanted nothing from her. so, maybe that's why she just can't believe it. still, she's drawn in, determined to find out why he's keeping his cards so close to his chest about this, about her. but maybe she shouldn't be complaining, she's got a guy cooking for her – even if he's so insistent on getting her insistence, a hair away from making a remark that pisses her off just a little too much. after she nicks the tip of her finger, naomi keeps her hand poised under the sink at jude's instruction. the corners of her lips curve upward, amused as she watches him scurry off – the way he's running, you'd think she was about to bleed out. by the time he returns with the first aid kit, which doesn't take long, she looks almost fond, genuinely surprised by the way he's jumped into action. "it's just a little cut," naomi says dismissively, a nervous laugh on her lips as jude takes her hand. "you sound more worried about the bleeding than i do." 

jude's focused on her hand, on the sink, and naomi is watching his face, lined with concern and a certain urgency. she grins, "you are so..." a scoff, "i don't know." unexpected feels like the right word, if she was held at gunpoint. "what're you gonna do now? give me a bandaid?" she leans over toward him, "hope they've got cartoons." it wasn't totally strategic, her error, but she will remind him of this any time he ever asks her to do something for him again. "you're the one who told me to start chopping anyway, i tried to sit back and look pretty – you weren't having it," she admonishes. "so, really, it's your fault."

𝗷𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘀𝗲𝘆.

eyebrows knitting together, jude shoots naomi a look that falls in the valley between confused and disbelieving.  “what’s not to get?”  from where he stands, he’s a pretty simple guy to work out. his motives and reasons for doing things aren’t all that complex. maybe what she’s struggling to work out is why he hasn’t made a move, which is simple, too.  “you’re not my type,” he shrugs, something teasing dancing in his eyes when they snap from hers back to whatever his hands are doing. one moment, it’s all a game—the next moment, he’s behaving like it’s life or death, and even naomi can spot it, dismissing his concerns with a laugh that’s kind of irritating. “i’m so what?” he asks, clearly put out, expecting her to say something like soft. it’s not soft to care about people, and even if he doesn’t have any care attached to naomi, there’s a side of him that’s nurturing, perhaps overly so, because it’s the kind of care he’s never received himself. by giving it, maybe he can be better than the people who were meant to parent him were. if he’s ever a dad, he wouldn’t want to fuck it up as monumentally as they did.

“yeah i am, actually.” as if the act of giving her a ‘band aid’ is equivalent to heckling her in the street. still, he’s attentive when he reaches for the first aid tin and plucks a plaster from it’s midst, peeling the sticky-back underside off and fixing it to her skin, the soft cushion flush against the cut. jude wraps the plaster around her finger, perhaps a tad too tight (that’ll fucking teach her) intensely aware of her eyes on his as he does it, biting down on the inside of his cheek to stop his teeth from grinding. “yeah, cool, fine. i’ll never ask you to do anything again. that what you wanted?” she moves closer and he stiffens, pressing a hand to her chest, just below her throat, to keep her there. “naomi,” he says, firm, a warning. it only takes a second for him to realise how stupid he’s being. obviously, she isn’t going to do anything stupid like that, not with him. not even if her being this close is making him think about it, which is probably intentional. he brings the bandaged finger up to his mouth, plants a kiss against the end of it, and goes back to his chopping, hoping to christ she leaves him alone.

naomi santos

she can't help but scoff, the arch of a singular perfect brow. "that doesn't explain why you don't wanna be friends," she points out, though she's got to revel on the fact that he's so fixated on turning her down, hammering down on the nail so hard he's gonna accidentally reverse it, "your denial is really convincing, though. want to tell me again how much you're not into me ? c'mon. for the viewers at home, " naomi goads him, tongue poking out between the corner of her smile as she tilts her head toward one of the cameras in the bushes. she's got nearly all the spots memorized by now, though sometimes she forgets about them. this is not one of those times. maybe he just thinks she wants him, needs him, oh baby, so he's got to shut her down to keep her from jumping on him. imagine the ego. there's annoyance in his features as she teases him for the way he's jumped into action, like she's struck some kind of nerve. naomi can't help it, though, it's not like she's had nurturing family members to look after her like this, a life full of hard edges that eventually taught her the best way to be looked after is to do it herself. if she doesn't make fun of it, she'll be forced to feel something about it. "strange," she says, finally completing her sentence, her gaze flickering up away from her hands to his eyes. "weird. i don't know. i'm still figuring it out." but soft is definitely not the word. "maybe don't do that funny little sprint in front of the girls you're actually into, though." .

a sharp inhale of breath as jude presses the band-aid to her cut, annoyance on naomi's features now because she's sure that was on purpose. but it's nothing compared to the way he cuts her off suddenly, hand on her chest like a physical barrier. she gasps, confusion evident on her features at first, brow furrowed together. he says her name, soft and low, and naomi wonders if he can feel the quickened beats of her heart beneath the palm of his hand – she'd just been joking around, but it's clear that she came too close, and something about that had spooked him. "what?" she laughs to cut the silence, grabbing jude's wrist so that she can move his hand off of her chest, "you thought i was going to kiss you or something? get real." but now she knows he was thinking about it. did he warn her to get her to stop, or was he trying to stop himself? naomi's aware that she might never know. nose scrunches curiously at the way he kisses the tip of her finger, like, that was fucking weird, but it occurs to her as he bristles and turns away that he regards her as trouble. he doesn't want to want her. fuck, that's amusing. so, she doesn't leave, hoisted onto the edge of the countertop instead, glancing over at him while he goes back to work. "where'd you learn to cook like this?"

[incorrect-omori-quotes]

basil, brandishing garden shears: all men are KINGS!

aubrey, pulling out her bat: if he breathes, he's a SIMP!

sunny, watching them fight: what

[noahnopesbest]

Noah catches up with One Piece (post-time skip up to #100): a summary

This is going to be long I’m so sorry

Franky now has light-up nipples? for reasons? (they’re very useful for deep sea communication, apparently)

you know what? Zoro does have a point when he says that Sanji is annoying (I still have a soft spot for the simp cook, though)

Brook is without any doubt my favourite (it’s the bone jokes. the godsawful skeleton puns. also love me a bard, no matter their level of wackyness)

not me tearing up every single time Ace is mentioned, no siree

lots of Law (can’t complain about this), not enough Bepo (this I do complain about)

speaking of Law, the man wears a hat all the time ‘cause his hair is illegal (it looks so fluffy everyone around him would try and ruffle it at any given moment- I know I would)

the average blood-related family has a ratio of 90% blazing garbage fires 10% genuinely good people (notable exceptions: every single royal family the Strawhats have helped so far. also the Boa sisters)

Cora 😭

Doflamingo and Elias Bouchard share the same core energy and no, I won’t elaborate on this

also pls consider: a Magnus Archives/One Piece crossover

Bartolomeo is an absolute muppet. a whole idiot. he’s so cute I can’t even

Sabo ☺️ (for the love of the gods Oda please stop hurting my sunshine child)

plans? who makes plans? plans are for losers

wow. the backstories went to some dark places, uh

Marco does look like a pineapple. but pointing it out is like, rude

everybody loves Robin, and if anyone even thinks about laying a single finger on her is going to be oh so very sorry (I wholeheartedly agree)

the older Charlottes are a combination of weird? and pretty!… and it surprisingly works (for the most part, anyway)

I’m adamantly against hunting down Devil Fruit users to get their powers, but by the gods I would love to have Mont d’Or’s

please tell Brulee I’d die for her

I have a *very normal* amount of feelings for the mochi man who am I trying to fool? I’m in love with Katakuri

is anyone going to point out that Sanji’s siblings are the One Piece equivalent of the sailor senshi but evil? no? ‘cause I’m gonna

yay! we have successfully acquired another responsible adult™️ (Jinbe has no idea what he signed up for)

who is my most hated character? is it Sakazuki? is it Blackbeard? no, it’s a child shaped turd named Charlotte Flambe

fuck the Cp0. seriously

you know what? while we’re at it, fuck all the higher spheres of the World Govt.

Fujitora trolling Sakazuki over technicalities? 10/10. sir, you just got my official seal of approval

*Basil Hawkins waltzes in* he’s pretty. huh *two pages later* nevermind. he hurt Bepo, Penguin and Shachi, he has to go

X Drake will for the foreseeable future be referred to as Dino Nuggies

who among the Beast Pirates thought that ‘all leather’ was a good idea for crew outfits? ‘cause it’s really not

*Big Mom falls overboard and down a huge ass waterfall of doom* oh no! anyways, we all agree that Katakuri will be the new captain, right? (Perospero does not, in fact, agree- but not out of love for the augusta genitrix, that is)

👏 give 👏 Killer 👏 a 👏 break👏

Kid’s actual power is making everyone around him act in the most idiotic way possible

did Big Mom forge an alliance with Kaido just to try and get dicked down by King? probably

“oh, yeah, we just sent Strawhat’s 1# Marine fan to apprehend the extremely powerful woman who has a raging crush on said Strawhat. they surely won’t bond over anything at all, it’s a 100% foolproof plan”

Yamato? sir? I’m looking respectfully

everybody wants Apoo’s head on a pike and I’m here for it

Bonus

a whole decade worth of material and we saw Shanks in like, 3 pages? what the actual fuck

[dollwritesarchive]

Congrats on 7k darling !! 🥳 I went through your work as if I was in a eternal thirst and your writing was the first water bottle I've seen in ages, can't wait to do the same with your future fics. Also slightly out of topic, but the ferret pics are so 🥺🥺🥺.

Can I get a ship please?

p.s: I'm bella from discord if that helps in any way. Also sorry for the long ass ask 😅

MY BABY BELLA 🥺🥺

HAND IN MARRIAGE RFN 😡😡

Okay… don’t hate me but there’s a few

Basil ! From king of thieves.

You couldn’t fix him but there’s also no way you could make him worse and he would LIVE for the idea of making you happy. baby’s a little awkward and way too quiet but that’s why I think you’d be good for him!

Carter from hello, Carter!

you could fix him, for sure. Baby’s already a simp, and he absolutely would fall for you so hard.

AND

tristan, ofc.

he’s soft, you’re soft it’s PERFECT

You would make the perfect queen of stormhold with your king by your side 😌

[quillsink]

Try and guess who I am ✨✨

*banging pots and pans together* “GOD SAVE KING GEORGE III”

“I am a redcoat simp”

But also

“I’m bonking them all on the head with baseball bats and then kicking out their kneecaps”

And finally,

“BASIL HALLWARD MY S O N”

@henryshybitchclinton our resident redcoat, found you wandering the patriot side!

[applepi1101]

Basil presses a quick kiss to your forehead, it's nice and you wish it lasted longer. "Darlin, just sleep..." he whispers, a bit of his soft jersey accent showing through (yeah no this is canon. he has a soft jersey accent when he's tired. sal fisher who)

>////< holy shit dudes i- im in love with this man

fuck okay imma do the rory fluff because i know you want it simp (kinda similar prompt because fuck it):

you were sitting at your desk when you noticed a hand peeking out from under the covers. you giggled softly to yourself, knowing it was just your boyfriend looking for you.

“love?” his tired face raised off of the pillows and you could barely keep it together when you watched his squinted eyes look around the room.

“yes rory?” you replied, amused by his morning antics.

he rubbed his eyes a bit before looking back at you, sitting at your desk, “what’re you doing over there my love?” he started sliding off the bed.

“just some work stuff.” you answered and turned back around in your chair. by this time he was already behind you. you felt arms wrap around you.

“this early? didnt you stay up a late last night? you said you’d finish it and go to bed.” he rested his chin on your head and sighed.

“i got too tired and fell asleep, so im doing it now.” you moved to grab your laptop but rory grabbed your hand and pulled you up out of the chair.

“well im still sleepy and i wanna cuddle” you could almost hear the pout in his voice, you’d almost call it cute if he wasn't carrying you across the room.

“rory! put me down! we can cuddle later!” you felt him throw you onto the bed and basically jump on top of you.

“nope! im the king, you have to do what i say. i’m getting cuddles.” you couldnt see him but you could tell he was smiling as he hugged you close. you could tell he was already starting to fall back asleep.

you sighed and gave in. you couldnt really disobey the king right? “fine. you big baby.” you heard a groan from him and you giggled before feeling your eyelids grow heavy.

“goodnight [name].”

“goodnight rory.”