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hadesknockedupintheunderworld · 8 months

Note

Since you’re answering questions about certain ships, what are your thoughts on Naugus x Geoffrey? I find it quite interesting just for the potential for a lot of drama and angst.

Oooooooh okay

So, anon, I had actually never considered this ship before but I think...

Okay, okay, I'll cook for a second because I think you're right, anon. It can be interesting, and I think it has some interesting potential as well

(My thoughts are under the cut because long. Also, there are mentions of Geoffrey/Sally, Geoffrey/Elias, and some talk of Geoffrey/Hershey here)

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So, as those who've read Archie Sonic would know, one of Geoffrey's main character traits was his loyalty to the Crown of Acorn. Then, when Ian Flynn took over for writing his character, this...shifted a bit.

Initially, Geoffrey's characterization seems to play into the expectations already set up by issues past. When I first read this set of panels in StH 223, I remember thinking "Oh, I see. So Geoffrey was truly working for King Max before. It's just that when Ixis Naugus and King Max revealed the truth (that Ixis Naugus became the true King of Acorn after Max swore fealty to hin in the Zone of Silence), Geoffrey started working for Naugus in secret. I hate that this twist kind of came out of nowhere, but yeah that's an interesting take on his character."

But then I read StH 233.

And this page from 233 alone says so much.

Geoffrey started following Naugus before he ever was the "true king". This kid is grieving, and he has every reason to be afraid. He grew up in the midst of the overlander/mobian war, he was there when King Max took Robotnik as one of his warlords (the very same one who later betrayed the Kingdom and began a new war), and his father was just killed by overlanders. And when the poor kid is at his lowest, seemingly without anyone else to lean on now that he's fatherless, he happens to come into contact with Ixis Naugus—someone who knew his father, someone who shares his distrust in overlanders, someone who promises to return and fix everything, and someone who is willing to step into the role of his support.

From this point forward, young Geoffrey St. John believes in Ixis Naugus. He really believes that where others have failed, Ixis Naugus will return to bring back peace.

And frankly, with the limited, often spotty communication (even during Geoffrey's Ixis apprenticeship), that it's a long stretch of time between him seeing Ixis Naugus as a kid and later as an adult, and the fact that Ixis Naugus and his promise of fixing everything made him Geoffrey's...pillar so to speak (likely his only support after the death of his father), I think this could very well have opened Geoffrey up to participating in god or hero worship of Ixis Naugus.

So, to me, it's not hard to imagine Geoffrey St. John growing up, teaching himself as much as he can of the Ixis magicks in the dark, savoring every moment of the little talk he can make with Ixis Naugus. He barely remembers what Ixis Naugus was like before, but he knows his voice and he knows his promises. With that little contact, with only his voice as evidence of existence for so long, it was easy for him to put Naugus up on a pedestal as something other (some grand savior).

"The Kingdom of Acorn failed to protect its people time and time again, its current King trusted the very overlanders who slaughtered our people—people we love—and all of us who still live are paying for it. But my master was the only one there for me when the overlanders killed my father. He knew Warlord Julian was not to be trusted. It's because of him I'm here, and it's because of his guidance that I could be the one to prepare for his return. I'm his special apprentice, the only one who’s really fighting for peace. And once Ixis Naugus returns to this world, all of my efforts will have paid off. My master will save us all. Just like he saved me."

You get me?

And, really, Geoffrey would have had to trust in Naugus that way (really believe that Naugus could save everyone) to go as far as he did for him. He searched for other Ixis artifacts and writings, taught himself as much as he could, as Ixis Naugus himself scarcely had the chance to teach him much. He played the long game, working his way into Sally's trust first, and then into the rest of the royal family second. He put so much work into the hope that he could help Ixis Naugus fix everything.

I probably don't need to tell anyone reading this that such great devotion often blurs the line between devotion and love. So...it is sad that the guy Geoffrey has spent so much of his life working for, likely worshipping, waiting for him to arrive and make everything okay again, probably considered his apprentice no more than one of his most loyal pawns. To believe so much in someone, to devote your life and future to them, to crave that future where you can one day see and work with them, while you're his unknowing tool he can use to grab more power. And...yeah it's more than a little fucked up how well Naugus had manipulated Geoffrey!

But, of course all relationships change over time, and Geoffrey and Naugus's is no exception. In addition to what he dealt with via spotty communication (and what he could have dealt with, given we don't know how Naugus spoke to him in those brief moments they could communicate), we can gather that Geoffrey's image of Naugus was not necessarily perfect.

Whether Geoffrey's "my master is about as subtle as a brick" line was something he's been thinking since Naugus first escaped the zone of silence, or if it's something he's come to admit in hindsight (or even how Geoffrey felt about Naugus's character then vs during issue 233) I cannot know. However, the impact of meeting Naugus in person after so long associating his disembodied voice with a grand mission of peace...

It's possible that Geoffrey originally just assumed Naugus to be in need of some guidance himself (as Geoffrey had become more of a tactician over the years Naugus was sealed in the Zone of Silence), but I don't think it's a stretch to assume that dealing with Naugus first hand and having to play damage control could have been what first started to plant any seeds of doubt in Geoffrey's head. Regardless of all of that, though, Geoffrey remained loyal.

After all, Ixis Naugus? Their seemingly shared goal? This was Geoffrey's rock. It's what's been giving his life meaning and purpose since the death of his father. He's relied on it for so long, and having to play some damage control isn't enough for him to give up on his master.

Geoffrey had loved Sally, but Sally would not accept his master as king. He had not loved her more than he was devoted to his master. Geoffrey had loved Elias too (in my opinion at least), but with Naugus sealed away in the zone of silence, his mission came first. What was of utmost importance was making a stronger kingdom for Naugus to return to (and, later, to make sure he even had people and a kingdom to return to at all). Geoffrey had not cared for Elias more than he'd cared for his grand mission of fixing everything. So though he'd genuinely cared for the two of them, those friends of his would function as...pawns—just two figureheads necessary for keeping the peace.

But then, as things grew worse and worse in the year of Sonic's absence, Geoffrey clung to this goal he'd been pursuing all this time. He was struggling just to make sure Naugus would have anything to come back to, and even to stay alive. And then, at his very lowest, at the depths of despair, with his team destroyed and so many people lost, Geoffrey looked to Naugus.

Geoffrey was failing his grand mission—felt as if he had failed—failed his job as a secret agent. So, as one would expect, he turned to his rock. His master had been one of the only people he could ever trust. His master had been the only one there for him most of his life. His master had been that beacon of hope and eventual. Maybe he (Geoffrey) had failed, but as long as Naugus was there...

But then he wasn't there.

In fact, it might have felt reminiscent of the day he became Naugus's apprentice, because again the world around him is going to shit, the kingdom is falling, people are dying, and the one person he cares so much for (the one he places his hope in) is gone. He's at his very lowest, missing that very rock he's relied on for so long.

And then, just like Naugus after the death of Ian St. John, Hershey came to Geoffrey while he was at his lowest. When was without his rock, she grew to become another.

Maybe he had failed, but Hershey was able to give him hope (something only Naugus had been able to do before her). And while with Naugus Geoffrey dedicated his life to him and their mission, expecting nothing in return (or, well, even if he couldn't let himself expect I'm sure he wanted), with Hershey he could breathe and live his life beyond the mission. Where he showed her love and care, she could return it (and he would have proof beyond words of promise). While Naugus had been sealed away most of the time Geoffrey knew him and he had to do a lot of his work alone, Hershey was his partner.

Anon, I'll be completely honest with you right now. Before I decided to dig a bit into Mr. St. John's head so I could properly put some ship thoughts on the page, I had not actually realized how much Ixis Naugus's relationship with Geoffrey paralleled his relationship with Hershey (his wife). They were both his rocks, so to speak. They both gave him reason to continue, to hope, and something to live for.

And, as long as I'm talking about Naugus/Geoffrey for ship purposes, perhaps...the love he found in Hershey could have been something he was seeking in Naugus all this time (even subconsciously).

Sad, isn't it?

Sure, I don't think Geoffrey ever fully gave up on his mission of peace (and Naugus by extension), but with Hershey in his life and Naugus silent, I don't think it's a stretch to conclude that he sort of allowed his previous mission to fall to the wayside. Naugus finally returned to the world in StH #163 (for reference, Sonic's 1 year of being dead took place between StH #125 and StH #130), which was an event Geoffrey wasn't present for but likely learned about. In StH #173, the freedom fighters capture Mammoth Mogul, Ixis Naugus (who's currently lost the ability of complex thought), and the Hooligans. Then in #177, Nicole traps Ixis Naugus and Mammoth Mogul along with the Hooligans, and Mogul escapes a second time, taking the other 4 with him, in StH #186. By StH #187, Geoffrey knows Mogul's current location, as he and Rouge were both sent on a mission to look into casino night zone where Mogul started a business.

But with all of that in mind, Geoffrey doesn't move to free Ixis Naugus until StH #220. Naugus came back in #163. Naugus was free but in Mogul's hands in #186. Geoffrey didn't come for him until #220.

But, as someone who's read Archie Sonic or knows Geoffrey's story knows, Hershey was sent on a mission. She went silent for so long that Geoffrey moved to investigate himself.

Only to learn that his wife—his new rock—was pronounced dead, and he could neither find hair nor hide of her.

With this set of panels, I feel the implications are clear. With his new rock, his support, dead, Geoffrey was now without his pillar for a third time, and had lost the current direction/hope in his life again. But, unlike before, there is still someone to turn to.

Hershey may be dead, but Naugus is alive, and Geoffrey's long known that. Plus, although Hershey was with him during the ongoing war with Robotnik (a war which nearly destroyed the Kingdom he's believed himself to be fighting for this whole time), the Iron Dominion followed up after Robotnik. And during that reign of terror, Geoffrey watched first-hand as the Iron Queen weaponized Nicole and Monkey Khan. He was there as the City of New Mobotropolis itself turned on its people—a living nightmare. He was even there while the Iron Queen had ordered public legionizings of New Mobotropolis's citizens.

His wife is gone, the world has been a mess, the monarch has almost been reduced to a figurehead with the rise of the council, and he's almost lost his people again. He's angry and scared all over again. So, Geoffrey St. John finally moved to restore his master, and to pursue that purpose he'd set on the backburner once more.

Because when that's complete, everything will be okay again, right?

And once Geoffrey restores his Master's sanity and retakes his place at his side, their relationship begins to shift again. After all this time, you can tell Geoffrey's still desperately holding onto the hope that Naugus's return will spell peace for the once kingdom.

And I mean desperately.

If we bid to remember that Naugus has been Geoffrey's support most of his life, that he gave Geoffrey his purpose and someone to trust after his father's death, that he's been Geoffrey's support longer than Hershey or (likely) his father was, and how much of his life Geoffrey has been following this purpose while believing it's for the greater good, then well. What kind of person does it make Geoffrey if he followed a liar and a manipulator? What has his entire life been for if his actions haven't been bringing about eventual peace? What does the fact of all of the people he hurt and backstabbed mean if the end doesn't justify the means?

Naugus is Geoffrey's last support (at least, this is how it feels to him), and he can't lose that.

So young Geoffrey St. John starts from a purer place of hero worship, grows into a young adult who's accepted that his hero and master just needs the guidance he can provide, puts his efforts into his master's goal but, as his master is not there for him again when things get hard, eventually puts it aside to pursue life and a love that is returned. And now that his master and their seemingly shared goal is all he has left, all he can do to keep on moving is to throw his entire self into that purpose again.

And because he can't lose Naugus, that means he needs to be needed by him, and needs to believe that Naugus was telling the truth all those years ago. So if Naugus wants to get rid of him or punish him for his failures, then Geoffrey needs to prove that he needs him. If Naugus wants to hurt people seemingly unnecessary by enacting plans Geoffrey doesn't agree with, then he'll provide advice while reminding himself that Naugus is ultimately pursuing their goal of peace. He'll suck it up, gloss over red flags, pretend this is all fine while being passive aggressive.

And he'll do it until he ultimately can't anymore—when he's forced to recognize that Naugus just wants power and absolute control, and doesn't care who has has to hurt and use and kill to get there. And then when he does...

Well, even when Geoffrey's had enough with it all for the final time, he still tries to give Ixis Naugus the benefit of the doubt. He tries to convince his master that they can have a second chance, that he can choose to be the person Geoffrey thought he was. He faces the choice between betraying Naugus (which may allow him to "do the right thing for once") and staying loyal at all costs by trying to convince Naugus to choose to do the right thing.

And ultimately...Naugus chooses to keep on the path he's on. Rather than ask for help, show any weakness, try to do the right thing, or hope for a second chance, he chooses to keep pursuing his goals of total power and control at all costs.

And, ultimately, he possesses Geoffrey's body, just like he'd done to King Acorn over a hundred issues before.

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Their story within the context of canon is...tragic. Geoffrey was just a boy, dealing with war and death and grief and anger and purposelessness, who was manipulated. He put almost his entire life into working towards what turned out to be a false mission. He put so much love and devotion towards a master who never had any intention of returning that, who had only ever seen him as a loyal pawn. And Ixis Naugus, with all of his great power, lead a life of manipulation and pursuit of more power. He didn't care what he had to do or who he had to hurt to get it. And so among his many pawns, he took an apprentice. This apprentice, a boy who had been so easy to win over with fake words and attention here and there, was not more special than any of his other pawns (absolutely not in the way the boy had likely fancied himself to be). Just like the rest, he was only needed when he was useful. So Ixis Naugus continued to pursue power and control and use and hurt and use and hurt and use and hurt. But if Geoffrey paid for everything by losing control of his body, then Naugus pays by hurtling towards inevitable oblivion. After all, one can only run from their demons, use people, push people away instead of accepting help, and commit any crime for the endless pursuit of power for so long. If only Geoffrey had let more people in or gained a better support network. If only Naugus had listened to Geoffrey when he was at his lowest. If only if only if only if only–

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Okay, okay, I'm sure you didn't ask this question only to get a bunch of talk about Archie Canon, anon 😂. So, let's talk some shippier talk.

Aside from the tragedy aspect, I think there's ship potential for just about every point in Geoffrey's life.

To start, there's younger Geoffrey—the version of him who perhaps had most genuinely believed in the future Naugus had promised him. He grew up listening to a disembodied voice and imagined a hero that would fix everything. Sure, Ixis Naugus couldn't talk to him much, but when he eventually gets freed he'll put things right, and he needs Geoffrey to prepare for his return. So he trains under his father's teachings, and he teaches himself the Ixis Magicks. He works so hard, and he’s glad he can talk to his beloved master even a little bit. After all, what more can he ask for? His hero can't help that the reception is spotty and their time to talk is little, so all he can do is do his best to make up for it. He's the apprentice of someone who can bring real change, and he can't let him down.

But he can’t help but imagine sometimes what it'll be like when his master finally arrives. Everything will be saved, everything will be okay, he'll never have to be scared and alone again, and...then what will Naugus do when Geoffrey finally stands at his side? Of course, of course, he would never place expectations upon his master. It's enough that he's been there for him, giving him hope and a purpose, allowing him the security of having someone to rely on, and yet, he can’t help but want. So if he performs so perfectly well—his master's perfect little apprentice—how will he praise kiss reward him? After all, hasn't he been so loyal?

To younger Geoffrey (or Geoffrey pre Naugus's escape from the zone of silence, rather), perhaps the love and devotion he's carried for his master was his first love.

And then, there's Geoffrey who meets his master after so long. To see the guy you'd put up on a pedestal and worked so very hard for again. He's been imagining this moment for so long!

But his master has been away from Mobius too long. Of course, that's why Geoffrey needs to play damage control. His master is great, and powerful, but he doesn't understand the art of subtelty. He doesn't understand what good could come from playing his cards right, enacting a plan rather than just taking a Kingdom by force. So if Geoffrey needs his master so he can have someone to trust and rely on, so he can have hope, so he has a purpose to work for, then Naugus needs him to guide him now. But then...his master is sealed away again. Maybe if his master had listened to him it wouldn't have come to this, but... No. Maybe Naugus was sealed away again, and maybe Naugus's voice had fallen silent, but that doesn't mean everything is over. It can't. Naugus will come back just like before, and Geoffrey will present him a Kingdom stronger than ever for his master to rule. So the ever dutiful apprentice will play the long game, do whatever it takes to make his master proud.

Until everything goes to shit, that is.

For the first time in so many years, Geoffrey is at his lowest. Grief, anger, despair. He's failing his master, failing his people, failed his team. He's done so much in pursuit of his goal, and it's meaning nothing. He can’t even make a meaningful difference with Sonic "dead". He feels guilty as he begins to think that Naugus doesn't care for him as much as he thought. After all, Naugus is the only person who's ever been there for him, the only one he can trust, the only person he can rely on, and he can't help if he's busy with the zone of silence (especially if that's integral to his master's plans), can he? But Geoffrey is starting to lose hope, guilty as it makes him feel on top of everything else. He's afraid again. Everything hurts so badly, and he just wishes his master was here.

But he's silent, gone, and Geoffrey feels...hopeless. Then when Hershey helps him back up again, becomes his new rock, he eventually tries to deal with the guilt and, with time, he can push that nagging guilt to the back of his head.

But there are days where he can't lock it into its hole forever, and Geoffrey is angry, and guilty, and bitter all at the same time. He wants to scream at his master and curse his name just as much as he wants to hear his voice, receive even a smidgen of comfort, and proof that his master cares what he's done to him for him. Perhaps he dreams sometimes of his master coming back to apologize, to recognize all that he'd tried to do, to forgive Geoffrey for his failings. In fact, perhaps he dreams that his master would take one of his hands and kiss him deeply as he swears to create a bright future with him.

And then, as Geoffrey files those dreams away into the darkest reaches of his heart, he wonders if it's because of that old childlike naiveté or because of Hershey that some of those wishes dressed as dreams are so hopeful and sweet.

Then there's Geoffrey after he receives news of Hershey's death. Angry, bitter, and desperate. He goes back to Naugus because there's nothing else left for him, no other support in his life. And this Geoffrey is as bitter and passive agressive as he is loyal and deluding himself. On the worst of days, Geoffrey is left reminding Naugus why he needs him. On what could be considered the best, Naugus is smart enough to use words and kisses to ensure Geoffrey stays willingly loyal (at least as long as he still needs Geoffrey). But on most days, they're like an old married couple. They're both growing dissatisfied with the state of things, arguing with each other even as they keep the other safe. Naugus is growing more irritable and of less sound mind over time, refusing to show anyone the pain and "sickness" he's experiencing, and Geoffrey can't pretend it's not draining him by the day. He believes that Naugus is working for the greater good and that it's his job to guide him into his rightful place (without unnecessary drama or casualties)—has to, otherwise he has to face the fact that everything he's worked for was for nothing (or worse, in service of someone who was never a good person). Yet, at the same time, he's not stupid. He's growing more passive aggressive and bitter because of the choices Naugus keeps making, but he desperately tries to stay useful and believe in Naugus because he has no choice.

But then...there's Geoffrey who eventually can't take it anymore, who couldn't leave if he wanted to (because now he wants to live, and Naugus makes it so clear how over his life will be if he betrays him). Geoffrey cares for Naugus's wellbeing because he can't help it, he cares because he has no choice. He has every reason to want to get rid of Naugus. He doesn't because he wants to give Naugus a second chance (sure he must concede that Naugus was never the person he thought he was, but he won't give up on the idea that he can be), he cares because Naugus choosing the right thing is the only way he (Geoffrey) can safely do the same. What was once his beacon of hope is now something he cannot let go of, even when he wants to.

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So, summary of all that? Onesided hero worship and devotion Geoffrey/Naugus, where Geoffrey doesn't know that Naugus doesn't actually consider him to be his special apprentice, and where Geoffrey wants his attention and praise deep down. Geoffrey who's beginning to lose hope and is ever guiltier for it, not knowing for sure whether Naugus actually can't answer him or is ignoring him. Geoffrey who's finally learning to live, trying to chain up the guilt as he is somewhat moving on from his previous life, and who wants to take out all his feelings on his master just as much as he wants his master to prove he cares about him, needs him, wants him. And then Geoffrey who has no one left but his master, who clings to him because he has no choice. Geoffrey who can no longer look the other way when his master crosses the line, who's stuck somewhere between "maybe we should both die" and "maybe we both deserve a second chance". Geoffrey who had served his master as best as he could, was the only person to believe that his master could be the hero he'd envisioned, and who'd been betrayed in the end.

And to accompany that, Naugus who'd said the right words to manipulate the feelings of a grieving child, who knew of his apprentice's devotion but only kept him around as one of his many pawns. Naugus who was livid at his apprentice's continued failures and that he'd left him without his sanity for so long. Naugus who never truly recognized just how loyal his apprentice was. Naugus who is growing so desperate to keep his support and power and form, who uses Geoffrey's wants and desires to keep him tethered when he cannot scare him into being forever loyal. Naugus who is losing to his demons, always just close to revealing his weaknesses, whose downfall lies not only in his constant betrayal of the people, but in how he treats his most loyal follower. Naugus, who has been granted the kind of choice no one has ever seriously given him, and chose to keep down his doomed path rather than take his apprentice's hand and give up.

This is my vision. Angst, tragedy, anger, bitterness, occasional pure love, betrayal, desperation, and loss. Definitely interesting, if not fun to play with, no?

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In any case, if you've read this whole thing, anon, I'd love to thank you for the ask! I'm sorry it took so long to answer, but I enjoyed doing research for this ask and ruminating on my answer as much as I did.

If you have any other specific questions as to what I think of/headcanon for this pairing or others, feel free to shoot me another ask!

#sonic the hedgehog #archie sonic comics #ixis naugus #geoffrey st john #geoffixis #naugffrey #shshjs I tried my best on the ship names #anon interview #archie sonic issue 233 #archie sonic issue 223 #archie sonic issue 241 #Woof haha sometimes you set out to wax some poetry and accidentally write a minor character study of an anthropomorphic Skunk with some #shippy stuff mixed in for good measurw #*measure #Sorry it took me so long to answer‚ but thank you for the ask! I enjoyed digging into this ship quite a lot #essay time

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promiseiwillwrite · 2 years

Text

ReConnecting the Dots Part 2

Today I sat down in the car, and because I have been taking a break from news and radio, I set my mind on driving and tuning into my Ski lodge and its inhabitants.

I homed in on a decidedly Male presence, and began to sing, as I sometimes do, as an invitation to have them sing part back.

It's cute and stupid, and a thing we've always done. We're all music lovers. It just means different music, depending on who you talk to.

For a while, I had made very clear, strong boundaries about how my others and my gods would not be mixed up at all because it was confusing, and I wanted neat boxes because I was allowed to have certain kinds of relationships with these personae that came from Me, and I wanted to have certain kinds of relationships with the gods.

{Because who the hell do I think I am feeling like loving them is okay.}

At some point, I decided that it was very not okay or right or wise to have any kind of relationship involving emotion or attraction to or with a god.

Despite those things being very much features of my relationships with them for nearly 30 years.

It was a casualty of some gatekeeping here, I think. There were people I respected who said things about how those relationships should be, and should look, so I questioned them when I was vulnerable in therapy, trying and fumbling the construction of boundaries where I hadn't had them Ever before.

Like many things, when it comes to my own well being, I listened to what other people thought, even though it fucking tore my heart out, because what the fuck do I know about well being? I was ready to try anything.

I am historically known to violate my own boundaries and self harm to cater to others. It is cringey as fuck and co-dependent and terrifying because I didn't recognize it easily until I had the benefit of hindsight, and then I used it to kick my own ass up the road and back. I am sure the potential for this behavior still exists in me. But I have made great progress with this. (Thank you, humans of Tumblr)

One of the Main reasons I decided to Integrate the other people in my head was that I relied very heavily on them for positive social feedback and affection. I was very skeptical of my friends and co-workers and relationship partner. I didn't think any of them really wanted me, despite strong evidence to the contrary. I had a hard time seeing signs from real people, because I wanted and expected the signs and feedback that the people in my head had been giving me. It was not healthy. It turned me inward in a way that was making me miss some of the best things in my life. And I was aware it was happening, and the dissonance was incredibly distressing. Because I Loved my others, and felt loved by them in a way that I valued and understood. To turn away from that seemed suicidal.

But there was no way for me to be happy while I went on believing that the people in my life didn't really want me there. No way to keep believing that I was unwanted and that what I wanted mattered at the same time. I had made progress in therapy, and in much the same way you have to loosen the lug nuts on a tire in a certain pattern, I had to work on different aspects of my inner world in a pattern, so the whole thing could change gradually, and I didn't have to tear the whole wheel off the axle. Our stories and truths lean on one another. They are interdependent.

I have digressed... But pointfully.

I wound up in the arms of what I thought for a moment was Rath. But it turns out it was more complicated than that.

A moment later, I thought it was Loki.

And of course, they had Words for me.

Words about me being pretty graceful here lately, and me needing to be really fucking graceful here in a second.

And he then informed me that it was in fact the combination of Loki, Rath and Altherion.

This isn't a historically usual arrangement.

And it represents a direct violation of the Agreement I thought I had with Loki.

But There isn't any way it could be some kind of consent violation from the other two entities in question. They would be strong enough to say no if they meant no.

They pretty much had to be on board for the operation.

I had gone within with the expressed intention to try to feel into one of them. I had intentionally sought to connect, to understand why they were disconnected, and to figure out what I could do to re-connect.

And here I was confused and a little pissed instead. Definitely Not very graceful.

But I breathed, and tried to notice my feelings. There were an awful lot of them.

I WANTED them. I wanted to feel connected with them. But I also felt stubborn and a little mad. I also felt afraid, like it could just go badly, and I didn't know what it all meant. I was also mad at myself for wanting this, like I was judging my emotion as soon as I had acknowledged it was even there, as "not helpful".

I wasn't supposed to have or want this kind of thing for or with my gods. They were supposed to be over there in the safe god box that won't make other people angry.

I am not sure you could put Loki in a box. You'd Definitely have to get him drunk first.

Rath was one of my first experiences of self love. I knew why I felt the way I did about him... But I still have trouble feeling worthy of him, of that, because of things that happened a long time ago, and the judgements I have made about myself and those events. I pushed him away because I thought I had treated him badly, back when repair did not exist.

And Altherion is an Excuse to have a beautiful godlike twink introject wandering around my subconscious, exploring my most private thoughts and kinks. He's like some glorious self-created version of Loki that let me Have Loki in a very personal way that made more sense than having a God come to live in my mind. He went by the name Loki for a very long time, and it took a Long time for me to un-tangle who was who and what was what.

He didn't let me go.

I sat with my confusion, and mild distress.

Finally, I couldn't sit anymore and said what was on my mind, the doubt that made me place the boundary about relationships with gods in the first place. I asked why any god would want this.

He implied that I had implied he wasn't capable, which wasn't kind or realistic.

He said "Because we are all the same. I want this because our Stories are One, and there is no difference between any of us." I knew his statement included all four of us.

This echoes some stuff I kind of still believe about souls and energy and animism and the whole "you, me, rock and tree" notion that we're all made of atoms and charges and forces.

I was like "Yah. Okay." and I was still squinting, because this belief structure was notoriously suspicious, and possibly prone to abuse.

And then he said some fucking radically disarming words.

"I am here, because of Love and Belief. Because you love me and believe in me. Our Stories connect because I love you, and believe in you." Oh, the poetry, and double entendre.

When someone says something like that to you it is a net too wide to swim around. I could dredge up every scrap of denial and fear I own, and it wouldn't be enough to get out. The sheer, irrefutable truth of the words had caught me.

And I realize now, after the fact, that he was there to Teach.

He was there specifically to show me how to do Exactly what I wanted to do. Because he knew I needed help, And I had ASKED for it.

And I decided to be a little shit about it. Very on brand for me.

I was STILL fighting, but it was with that Inch, the inch I now associate with Theater-girl's Power. The power to separate to create safety. The very thing I wanted to Change.

So How would it feel to not feel this particular bit of resistance? If I took down exactly this wall, stopped resisting, fearing this thing, in this moment, How would it be?

And suddenly they were all separate, standing there in a group hug. And everything felt... fine. Safe. quite. okay. Soothing and done.

Like I finished the first step, and it was okay to stop there for now. Like there was no rush, and that this was a good start.

Maybe I am just supposed to be a system. Maybe I should seek to re-connect, for sure, but maybe integration isn't going to be the outcome.

Idunno.

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destinyimage · 1 year

Text

Jesus Hears Your Raw Cry for Him!

Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.” So they called to the blind man, “Cheer up! On your feet! He’s calling you.” (Mark 10:49 NIV).

Jesus stopped.

Those two words catch my attention. What causes Jesus to stop? He is the Word. He is Lord. He is Messiah, and yet throughout Scripture we have moments when Jesus appears to allow Himself to be interrupted. Who is this God-Man who appears at times to have extremely flexible plans? What is it from humanity that would cause Him to pause His journey, to stop what He is doing, and turn toward us?

Jesus often stopped for the unlikely. Jesus would stop for ones whom His own disciples did not think He would stop for. We see this in Mark 10:13-16 as Jesus decides to stop for the little children. The disciples try to whisk the children away, seeing them as an inconvenience, but Jesus finds value in stopping for them. In this brief interaction, you can tell that once again even those who walked daily with Jesus did not fully understand His heart. This became normative for Jesus, consistently giving attention to the ones others so easily ignored. In Mark 5:1-20, we find another such intriguing story when Jesus is approached by a demon-possessed man. For an unknown amount of time, this man had been totally rejected by society, living among the tombs, tortured by the legion of demons that inhabited him. This man was the type most people ran from, but not Jesus. Again, Jesus stops to give attention to this man who is crying out for His help.

Clearly Jesus had a pattern of stopping for those most would not, but what is it about Bartimaeus and several others that caught His attention? It is hard to tell on the surface if it is having the right need, the right heart, or maybe even the right environment. Throughout Scripture there were certain cries that seemed to catch Heaven’s attention. Look at some of these remarkable verses.

A very large crowd of people assembled in Jerusalem to celebrate the Festival of Unleavened Bread in the second month. …The priests and the Levites stood to bless the people, and God heard them, for their prayer reached heaven, his holy dwelling place (2 Chronicles 30:13,27 NIV).

The Lord said, “I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. …The cry of the Israelites has reached me” (Exodus 3:7,9 NIV).

In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears (Psalm 18:6 NIV).

Apparently there is a cry, there is a sound, that reaches the ears of God and compels Him to action. These are the cries of those hungry for Him to move. It is the desperate sound of those who realize that God alone can save them, heal them, deliver them. When people turn to God alone this can be called the cry of faith. It is the cry that says, “God will move on my behalf!”

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Faith is not as abstract as we often make it out to be. Faith indeed has substance and it is evidence, as Hebrews 11:1 (NKJV) says, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Faith is tangible. Faith always demands a response; it always precedes actions. James points this out when he says:

So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead. But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works (James 2:17-18 ESV).

Faith often seems to ignore the social norms and even at times logical human advice. If you are not the one in faith, it appears to ignorantly deny truth. Faith by all other accounts, usually except for the one who has it, can be quite extreme. Bill Johnson says, “Faith does not deny a problem’s existence, it simply denies it influence.” In other words, faith is not denying the present obstacles or reality; it is just submitting to a higher truth—the truth of Jesus Christ. We do not have to deny the statistics about this generation to have faith for them. We aren’t ignoring the facts; we just have faith that the Word of God supersedes the facts.

Faith can be seen, it can be felt, and it can be heard. It is evident that faith can be seen by how Jesus responds to the healing of the paralytic when he says, “And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven’” (Mark 2:5 ESV). Faith can be felt, which is obvious when Jesus says, “Someone touched me, for I perceive that power has gone out from me” (Luke 8:46 ESV). Faith can also be heard. It is heard when the centurion says to Jesus, “Just say the word, and my servant will be healed” (Matthew 8:8 NIV). This level of faith impressed Jesus. The Bible even states that Jesus marveled at his faith (Matthew 8:10). This is the faith that causes Jesus to stop. This is the sound that demands Heaven’s attention.

It is this sound that is heard when Bartimaeus makes that bold declaration, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” I believe Jesus heard a sound that He simply could not resist. Jesus heard the sound of faith. Jesus heard the sound of hunger. He heard the sound of determination. The sound of one who says, “I will do whatever it takes to get His attention.” Bartimaeus had made that bold declaration, essentially saying, “You are the Messiah, You are my Source, no matter what anyone else is saying, You have what I need.” Bartimaeus refused to be quieted down. Bartimaeus refused to be distracted. Bartimaeus refused to be deterred, and Heaven heard his cry.

The response—Jesus stopped.

Several years ago, I was in Brazil getting ready to preach in a church that I had never been to before. As I prayed about the service, I could not get a sense of what God wanted me to speak on. If you’re a preacher, you understand that this is not a great feeling. Your main job is to deliver a message, so you can imagine as the time for service drew closer I became more and more nervous. It didn’t help that I did not know the pastor or the church well. I arrived at the church and still had not heard anything from the Lord about what He wanted me to say or do. I attempted desperately to remember something, anything, that I could share and nothing was coming to mind. I wracked my brain for the most recent sermon I preached and still nothing. After the greetings with the pastor, we went into worship. I remember thinking that surely Holy Spirit would tell me something during worship. Again, absolutely nothing. Next thing I knew, they were introducing me as the guest speaker and I was taking steps toward the pulpit. It was then, in the final few seconds before I grabbed the mic, that He spoke one very simple thing. He said, “Ask them what they are hungry for.” For you reading this, perhaps you feel relieved for me that an answer came, but in the moment my first thought was, “What in the world am I supposed to do for the other fifty-nine minutes and forty-five seconds of this service?” There is no way that one brief question is going to suffice for an entire service. Having zero other options I nervously, with knees shaking, said over the microphone, “God wants to know what you’re hungry for.”

What happened next I will never forget. Immediately those in the crowd began to cry out. There were undignified screams of those who wanted Jesus more than anything else. I can still hear the sounds that undoubtedly captured the attention of Heaven. The next hours can only be described as holy. God’s Presence rushed into the room in such a mighty way that I and my translator both laid face down on the altar. They would not and could not be silenced, though no one present wanted it to end. His Presence was so weighty that day I wasn’t sure when if ever I would be able to get off the floor. For an uncertain amount of time, people continued to cry on the name of Jesus, until I began to hear the sound of movement. As I looked up, people were making their way to the altar. Many were crying as they threw their glasses on the stage because their eyes had been supernaturally healed as His Presence came. There were so many miracles that occurred that night with no one specifically praying for them.

That day, Jesus stopped.

A sound came out of a church in Brazil from people who were hungry for nothing else but Jesus. A cry that caught the attention of Heaven. A cry that ushered in a manifestation of His Presence.

After Jesus heard the cry of Bartimaeus, He stopped and said, “Call him.” This generation is one that is choosing to ignore those who would attempt to silence them. They are refusing to be silenced by the religious majority that would say that their cry is too loud, too passionate, perhaps too irreverent. They have chosen not to listen to the voices that would tell them that Jesus is doing something different or that their generation is too lost and too far gone. You must be focused on the One you are crying out to and determined to ignore the crowd. This generation will not succumb to the pressure of culture; they will cry out even more and Jesus will stop for them. In fact, Jesus is already stopping for them. He is calling them.

Do you know what I find comical? The very people who had rebuked Bartimaeus then said to him, “Cheer up! He’s calling you.” I would say these people are fair weather friends, and like many of you I have had more than my fair share of them. These are the people who criticize you when things aren’t working out the way we thought they would. They are ones who not only can’t see the promise that God has given you, they are the antagonists of the promise. They want to stop your dreaming. They want to halt your faith. They struggle to believe that Jesus would stop for you, and they certainly do not want Him to use you. These “friends” will kick you when you are down, but when He begins to fulfill His promises, when He stops for you, when He puts favor on your life, all of a sudden they are your biggest supporters and friends. One minute they are rebuking your cry and the next they are wrapping their arm around you and telling you with excitement that Jesus has called you.

We do not get much insight into Bartimaeus’ thoughts about these people around him. To be honest, it appears that he gives it barely any thought. I want to encourage you to do the same. Do not allow the crowd’s rebuke or the crowd’s cheer to affect you. Bill Johnson puts it best when he says, “If you live by the praise of man, then you’ll die by their criticism.” Be not overly moved when the masses attempt to deny you or when they sing your praises. Instead, take a lesson from Bartimaeus who stayed focused on just One. He did not stop when they tried to silence him and he did not try to make friends when they encouraged him. He simply remained focused on the movement of Jesus. Perhaps it has become cliché, but we truly are meant to live for an audience of One. This is our place of greatest strength.

In my heart of hearts, I believe this will be the heart posture of this generation. In a culture that has tried to sell them endless feedback in the form of social media followers, likes, and comments, I believe they will listen for the voice of Jesus. While the temptation is to find their value in brand agreements, viral videos, and Tik Tok approval, I believe they will prize the acceptance of Jesus above the approval of others. Many of them have tasted of the false acceptance that the crowd has offered them and they realized it did not satisfy. They have known the devastating flippancy of the virtual world. They have experienced firsthand being loved one moment and canceled the next. This society has not met their needs, and they are focusing in on the One who has what they need.

When you hear the voice of Jesus call you, it no longer matters who tried to silence you. Equally, it no longer matters who has tried to promote you. His voice drowns out all of the chatter. His voice permeates through the cultural noise.

Prayer

Father, give us the grace to live for an audience of One. I pray that right now You would heal the wounds of the crowd. For every time that this reader has been kicked when they are down, falsely accused, and rebuked by those who did not fully know their situations, I pray that You would bring healing to their heart. Help us to forgive them, for truly they know not what they do. Protect us from being moved by the criticisms or the praise of others. May we, like Bartimaeus, release a cry for You today that would catch Your attention. May we come out from all of the noise that culture supplies and lock eyes with You. Lord, hear our cry. Hear our cry for our own lives and for this generation. Amen.

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god-whispers · 1 year

Text

apr 23

eternity dwells in all our hearts

"He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end." eccl 3:11

at one point or another, most all of us have wondered silently what job asked aloud: "if a man dies, shall he live again?" in other words, is this all there is? are we simply here today and gone tomorrow... nothing else? or is there a life beyond this physical one?

God has instilled within the human heart a longing for a life beyond this earthly existence; some have descriptively called it a "God vacuum." ancient cave dwellers depicted this hope in paintings etched inside their caves. the pharaohs of egypt were buried within their tombs alongside weapons, eating utensils, and even servants - expecting a life to follow beyond death. native american indians believed in a "happy hunting grounds" which existed beyond this plane. yes, God has put eternity in our hearts.

more and more we are hearing about death experiences where someone describes a plane beyond this existence - sometimes described as heaven and sometimes described as hell. i know these are all subjective, but sometimes the details retained boggle one's sense of perception. i.e., meeting a deceased relative someone never knew they had.

while believers stand upon the resurrection of Jesus Christ as evidence of a hereafter, non-believers are left with a "this is all there is" attitude. "so i commended enjoyment, because a man has nothing better under the sun than to eat, drink, and be merry; for this will remain with him in his labor all the days of his life which God gives him under the sun." eccl 8:15 seeing that is the mindset of an increasing number of people, is it no wonder their attitude is "everyone did what was right in his own eyes." judges 17:6

indeed, there are many famous tombs in the world today. in the pyramids of egypt lie pharaohs, in westminster abbey lie the bodies of notables, in mecca one can find the tomb of mohammed - but there is one tomb that remains vacant until this day - the garden tomb where once lay the body of Jesus, the Christ of God.

in the scroll of the book, written long after job made his proclamation, we see Jesus presented to us in every book of the bible. He was the sacrificial son abraham did not have to make. He was the rock in the wilderness, satisfying their thirst. He was joseph, unrecognized by His brethren until His revealing in the second coming. He was our boaz, our kinsman redeemer who rescued a gentile from hopelessness. He's there in every book. "then I said, “behold, I come; in the scroll of the book it is written of me." psa 40:7

man, in all his futility, is seeking to make an eternity of his own; an extension of what they perceive as existence; meaning mostly their mind and accumulated knowledge, since they have no conception of soul. the truth is, there is no existence outside of God. "for in Him we live and move and have our being." acts 17:28 "before Me there was no God formed, nor shall there be after Me." isa 43:10 i emphasis once more: there is no existence without God.

job - a man driven to destitution of all earthly necessities, let alone comforts, remained steadfast in his confession of belief. he did not say "i think" or "i hope." there were no "ifs" or "buts" in his statement. he was rock-solid certain and we can be too. even as he asked the question theoretically, he followed quickly with his assertion: "if a man dies, shall he live again? all the days of my hard service i will wait, till my change comes. You shall call, and i will answer You; You shall desire the work of Your hands." job 14:14-15

how descriptively He is pictured as the shepherd and we the sheep. sheep tend to wander around aimlessly with no sense of direction. in like manner, without Christ, we wander without any perceived purpose. and another thing: sheep are defenseless. rabbits can run. dogs can bite. cats can scratch. bees can sting, etc. men and women without Christ are helpless and hopeless against the wiles of the devil. while mankind was created to "rule" the earth, when it comes to spiritual things after their fall, they are easy pickings in the spirit realm without a Shepherd's protection. yes, "all we like sheep have gone astray." isa 53:6

we who know Jesus; we who are "in" the Christ, have a Shepherd and have a hope that no one can take away. let us all proclaim with our brother job. "for i know that my Redeemer lives, and He shall stand at last on the earth; and after my skin is destroyed, this i know, that in my flesh i shall see God, whom i shall see for myself, and my eyes shall behold, and not another. how my heart yearns within me!" job 19:25-27 maranatha!

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the-hem · 2 years

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Introduction to the Sarva Sara Upanishad “The Exploration of the Mysteries of the Essence of the Almighty.”

The Sarva Sara Upanishad is thought to have been written in the first millennium BCE. It is numbered 53 of 108.

It is considered one of the “glossaries” like the Muktika Upanishad, which reveal the language and definitions of Turiya, the Cosmic Formula God uses to order the creation.

The closer the Glossary comes to second nature, that is, an imprint upon the mind, the fewer the distinctions the one will make between soul and Soul, self, selves and Self.

The goal is not to run amok like a long-haired hippy high on pot screaming “We are all one!” nor to find the unity within diversity. That is rubbish. The objective is to end all bondage to illusions, delusions, opinions, sound-bites, talking heads, politicians, religious whackos and come to know the phenomenal world on its own merits. As God made it, not as you see it.

In the Sari Raka, we learn we are made in God’s image, what we make of ourselves depends. In the Sarva Sara Upanishad we get a few clues on how to pattern ourselves after Him more closely.

In Vedanta, the “Science of the Eternal” within which the Vedas, “accumulated knowledges” are studied we find the Upanishads, or methods of binding the truth to the untamed self.

The process as we will see is said to be similar to how God binds Himself and His will to all phenomenal matter and energy called “Turiya”. Turiya is an equation, a kind of metadata that tells every particular, of the certain and uncertain type how to make and support life. All of this we see and enjoy around us is deliberate. It was not the result of some silly random cosmic event, it was planned, and is continually planned according to this unseen formula for existence.

Existence, Bliss, Knowledge Absolute is the ACME of existence, what we call the Avyakta or axiom of the universe. I won’t dive into a screen rant about our apparent axioms for our lives which include the legal use of weapons, bigotry, racism, anti-Semitism, homophobia, pollution, waste, corruption, Republicans and Dems, Jews and Gentiles, all troublesome rubbish we have chosen to treat as if they are inalienable, can’t be changed, are facts of life, here to stay and they are not.

They are figments of our imaginations, balls and chains put on our ankles quite willingly and that is how they must come off. Willingly,

All that exists is by the sufferance and Grace of the Almighty God who is capable of minding His Affairs quite well on His own, and have some scary good news for you, so are you.

The goal of the Sarva Sara is to reveal more about this. Here begins the Upanishad.

1. Om. What is Bandha (bondage of the Soul) ?

What is Moksha (liberation) ?

What is Avidya (nescience) ?

What is Vidya (knowledge) ?

What are the states of Jagrat (waking), Svapna (dreaming) , Sushupti (Dreamless sleep), and the fourth, Turiya (Absolute) ?

BONDAGE is the same as idolatry. Any time one slaves to a master that calls himself a little god, a huge know it all, beyond reproach no matter how reprehensible, this is called bondage.

MOKSHA is achieved through meditation. During meditation we turn the faucet off and train the body, mind, and soul to listen without any filters to the phenomenal world. The end-point of meditation, success, is when we realize the miracle is spontaneous, easy to grasp, is without qualification. All sin happens once the miracle is traded for bondage. This happens because of what is called Avidya, “delusion”.

AVIDYA is not when you put your hand on the burner when you’re two years old, can’t read or write, or can’t ride a bicycle without training wheels. Avidya is when you choose to believe in something that lacks evidence, has no merits, or is self-serving and you choose to ignore the consequences to others around you.

Avidya is repulsive.

We’ve all done it, some here some there, some do it all day long. Avidya must be cured using the study of the Script by one and all if this world is to survive and make progress. As we are seeing Turiya is not enough on its own. Humanity has to pull its weight, be ethical and responsible; it must flourish with respect to itself and the definitions God has established for life on this world. No more, no less.

Vidya, “Utter Knowledge” is how this is done.

Discussions about the Four States annoy me so we will skip the details, but we must mention how they cause and uncause reality. First is God and His Consciousness. Without this, we have nothing. Then comes our unconscious state when the soul and body are united but the mind is not present. Then comes the dreamer who drifts through a gossamer reality but wakes up and knows the difference between it and the real world.

There are clear differences between dreams and the waking world, even the dumbass can tell you this. Whence comes delusions about resurrections and blood sacrifices and eternal golden castles in the sky no one has ever, ever, never and always seen?

Why the wars, rhetorical and physical over what is naught but delusion? What power does this vision of paradise and its weird courtyard have over us that we cannot grow up out it as easily as the dreamer wakes up every morning?

Let us continue to study the Upanishad and find out what manners of stimulation and pleasure we acquire through the faculties that layer and heap upon and burden the mind but have no weight or substance to them at all.

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kumaradosha · 5 years

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I’ve noticed a lot of people seem to get the Rage aspect cringily wrong.

Like, probably more wrong than people tend to get other aspects. There’s a decent reason for that, though. People seem to forget that the only references for Rage that we have seen in characters are those whose classes represent the subversion of their aspect, tending to display either the negative or the opposite of what would be expected in that aspect generally. We’ve only seen a Bard of Rage and a Prince of Rage.

According to “word of god” in its description, Rage is not just chaos for its own sake. It’s not wanton destruction or fear/anger over nothing. It’s not even believing that nothing matters (on the contrary, Rage tends to be overreactive--everything matters...often negatively). It’s about truth. Specifically, despising and eliminating what isn’t. A rage player would rather live in uncertainty--if the only other option were living in delusion. Rage’s disruption and destruction has a purpose. Its fear and anger have a purpose. Its rejection of ideas has a purpose. It opposes the notion that simple faith in something false makes it real or true and finds that taking solace in comfortable delusion is harmful and dangerous. There is ultimate truth, but we as limited and fallible beings are incapable of finding or comprehending it fully. Therefore, the best possible goal is to eliminate what isn’t real or true in order to stay on the path to truth as closely as possible.

Of course, eliminating what is wrong isn’t nearly the entire route to a fulfilling reality. It’s simply Rage’s specialty. We need all the other specialties, a diversity of skills, to create a whole and useful society/existence. And we do still need Hope. We need creativity and ideas, specifically ones that are right and true; don’t worry, we’ll shoot down the ones you have that aren’t. We need to be able to trust some things and bridge the gaps in our understanding with faith in the interim between fallibility and perfect discernment. Even scientists have to guess at things before they are proven right or wrong (or at least the evidence suggests such--absolute proof isn’t technically a purview of science).

Speaking of which, lots of people seem to wrongly think Rage represents religion. It doesn’t. Hope represents faith, has themes of magic and religion. Rage’s themes include doubt and skepticism. The mistake is made, because it is Gamzee that is religious. But Gamzee is a Bard. He represents the negative, harmful permutation of religion (generally seen as profane and toxic to other religious people). The same way Eridan is an antitheist of sorts (technically a magic-denier) and represents the negative, harmful permutation of atheism/skepticism (rejecting the concept of things that clearly do actually exist just because they don’t fit his already-established belief system). They are extremes in the direction opposite to their aspect, because they cause destruction in/of that aspect. Hope has a similar, but somewhat lesser, problem of being misunderstood, because its only character representations are a Prince, a Bard, and a Page (somebody who starts out especially unskilled or clumsy at their aspect).

So just as Rage players recognize Hope players run the risk of supporting and perpetuating useless/harmful falsehoods. Rage players would grow to admit they themselves run the risk of proverbially throwing out the baby with the bathwater. We are so focused on eliminating anything that even might be fishy or that doesn’t make sense to us at the time, that we might unintentionally shoot down good ideas and reject actual truth. Hypothetically, what if a certain religion actually were true--or if magic/supernatural things actually did exist? Should we not accept and pursue that truth? At the very least not reject it? Something to think about.

The key to being a whole and healthy person is recognizing and strengthening your weaknesses as you grow more powerful at what you’re good at. Respect that our opposite aspects are important, even if they rub us the wrong way. Every skill is helpful as long as it is used responsibly and doesn’t extend its reach beyond its purpose. The key is to find where those boundaries lie and knowing exactly when Hope is okay or when Rage is too much. And that is very difficult.

Edit: I have not progressed in Hiveswap very far (even though I intend to eventually), so please forgive me if I’ve said anything that’s proven untrue because of my limited knowledge. Sorry about that.

#Speaking as a religious Rage player myself #Because the evidence I see points to the existence of God and certain other truths #Proper faith isn't blind; it's a placeholder to fill in gaps of understanding after we've already found some evidence for a thing #Hope's proper place and Rage's proper mitigation #Fight me #Rage aspect #Hope aspect #classpect #Homestuck #god tier #Knight of Rage

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kanmom51 · 2 years

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Tbh no matter small Jikook moments happened in Las Vegas none of it points to a potential relationship between JM and JK. I can see JK as someone having some big butt girlfriends lol, Dating casually. He just doesn't looks like a man in committed relationship especially with another man. Even though judging him by these tattoos, piercings, his dressing style are stereotyping, those stereotypes exist for a reason, it's because there are lot of similar occurrences. And he have all those appearances qualities of a typical fuckboy. Just look any of his pictures - offstage or onstage, it's evident.

Of course you're right anon.

JK is a huge fuckboy, because he's so so good looking and has tattoos and piercings.

How didn't I see that before?

You opened my eyes to the truth.

You are what you look - that's how life goes.

And if it wasn't understood by now, because I have found that there are those that need the added explanation, and apparently you would be one of those anon, going through life believing you judge a book by it's cover - this whole opening, it's me being sarcastic.

Because, god help you anon, if that's how you are living your life, judging people by how they look, not who they actually are.

You would also be the type to think that a tattooed pierced manly man would just HAVE to be straight, because, as you said, stereotypes, they are true (you did actually say that in your ask).

Same would be said for racist stereotypes, right? Because, as you yourself put it anon, "stereotypes exist for a reason, it's because there are lot of similar occurrences."

I think you need a huge wake up call anon.

Take a second, a minute, an hour to sit and think about just how wrong and bad what you are saying is anon.

A person isn't what he looks like.

You don't judge a person by who he was born to, his skin colour, the shape of his eyes, or any of his physical features, his religion or any other parameter that is not who he is as a human being (his nature, his behaviour, his personality).

You NEVER judge a book by it's cover. That's, btw, exactly how people are duped and conned in life. Living life with misconceptions.

You can be good looking outside and ugly inside.

You can be good looking and tattooed and pierced and uninterested in sleeping around or having meaningless sexual conquests.

It's about who you are inside, your personality, and your facial features, your body, they have absolutely nothing to do with who you are as a person.

Do some good looking people use said looks to behave in certain ways? Of course they do. But that's because of who they are as a person inside, and generalising and saying that because you look good, take care of yourself physically, get tattoos and piercings, that's who you are as a human being, well that's just wrong and twisted, and I feel sad for you if that's how you judge people, or want to be judged yourself by others.

Oh, and btw, addressing your underlined homophobic stereotyping anon -

"I can see JK as someone having some big butt girlfriends lol, Dating casually. He just doesn't looks like a man in committed relationship especially with another man".

Wow. Totally wow anon. I'm gonna let you in on a secret not many know (me being sarcastic again, I feel I need to keep letting you know anon) there are many queer tattooed pierced manly men. Shock, awe, unbelievable right?

I think you have a lot of growing up to do. Maybe reading actual books that aren't y/n ff would help.

To end this convo anon I want to tell you one last thing about JK. JK is in a long term committed relationship with JM, another man. He's told us and shown us exactly that over the past 5 years, well they both have. And his actions, his words in LV, well they were cute and telling and him being pretty loud and uncaring as to what people like you think or feel about it.

So you keep on living your immature blind y/n dream anon, while JK will be living the good life with the man he loves.

#ask #anon

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vodkassassin · 3 years

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Inspired by your Jiuplane fic, Everyone loves SQH series and Nighthaunting's work.

Shen Jiu has never actually spared much attention to An Ding. While he doesn't consider them less-his past would never allow himself to look at anyone being derided for doing 'servant duties' less- he also doesn't pay much attention to them. Ever since Shang Qinghua modified the teleportation talismans for transporting large amounts of goods between the Peaks, An Ding disciples have all but disappeared from view. Shen Qingqiu occasionally saw a groundskeeper or a cook return back to An Ding but that was about it. He was pretty sure that people outside the sect saw more of the Logistics Peak than the people in it. And during meetings Shang Qinghua barely makes a sound, just records whatever was he was supposed to and just vanish off to his peak the minute the meeting inevitably ended in chaos. It was like An Ding never existed.......in hindsight, that should have been suspicious. But Shen Qingqiu never even noticed glaring absence and he would forever berate himself for that. It happened quite unexpectedly. Shen Qingqiu was supposed to go on mission with Qi Qingqi, the only Peak Lord he could tolerate beyond a certain period of time but Xuan Shu Peak suddenly had an emergency that she had to take care. Mu Qingfang was busy with preparing the Baying Moon Jade Orchid that he had been given (Really that should've tipped him off! Those flowers were ludicrously expensive because they only grow in the Demon Realm and Mu Qingfang had been given an entire crate of them along with his monthly supplies!), and the only other Peak Lords available were Liu Qingqe and Shang Qinghua. The choice was obvious.

The mission was relatively simple. Wan Jian disciples had been sent as a response to a request for assistance from a cluster of villages deep in a mountain valley. The disciples had found evidence of a large monster but it seemed to be intelligent and the presence of cultivators had run it off to a cave system. By the trails it left and it's actions, the lead disciple had judged it too dangerous for normal disciples, especially in the enclosed spaces of a cave system and had reported to his Peak Lord. The mission thus had been entered into the Peak Lords' roster. It should have been routine, should have been simple. But Shen Qingqiu had the world's worst luck and so everything turned sideways within ten minutes of them entering the cave.

First of all, the monster seemed to have destabilized the cave so they got caved in. Secondly, it wasn't a monster at all but a demonic beast, a Thousand Screams of Ruin Swan, a rabid thing that was created when someone forcibly corrupted a Thousand Screams Swan with too much demonic qi. And finally, the beasts absolutely hated each other. A Thousand Screams Swan had the ability to gauge the truth and a lie in its presence would not only prompt the most ear piercing of all screeches but also destabilizes the qi of the liar in particular and produce unimaginable pain. The southern demon courts use the swan in interrogations, putting the accused and the swan in enclosed spaces and the interrogators questioning from behind a sound muffling seal. However if the swan were overloaded with too much malicious qi, it would grow to enormous sizes and it's screech would actually cause death to anyone in the vicinity. In this state it was called a Thousand Screams of Ruin Swan. So after every interrogation the beast is taken for purification. The question is how a pair of valuable demonic beasts from the Southern Demon courts end up in a remote village far away from the borderlands?

If it was any other situation, Shen Qingqiu would've been fascinated. But as it was he had no time to dawdle. The confined space of the caves meant that the screeches of the swan would be magnified in intensity and their muffling shields were already cracking under the pressure of the sound waves. If they did, they would be dead as their qi system would be destabilized enough to cause a painful death. Shen Qingqiu, with his already unstable qi was extremely vulnerable in this situation. With Shang Qinghua having no combat ability to think of, they were completely under the mercy of two rabid S-rank demonic beasts who hated them and each other.

Then the shields cracked. Shen Qingqiu barely had time to close off his hearing using qi before Shang Qinghua disappeared into one of the caves with a beast after him. On one hand Shen Qingqiu now had to worry about only one Thousand Scream of Ruin Swan. On the other hand, no hearing was a double edged sword in a situation like this and there was no back up, negligible as it would have been. But he marshalled his focus and unsheathed Xiu Ya. If that overgrown bird thought that the Qing Jing Peak Lord was going down without a fight, it was wrong.

Two hours later the fight was still going on. His head was hurting only from being flung into the stone walls of the cave but also from sealing off his hearing for so long. The Beast's rampage had destroyed one of the cave walls and they had both fallen into a lake within the cave system. Shen Qingqiu had somehow managed to pull himself out of the water, not being stupid enough to fight a water fowl in water. He was exhausted, looked like a wet rag and was bleeding. There was no sign of Shang Qinghua and that either meant he was dead or that Shen Qingqiu was so far off from the main caves that he wouldn't be found in time. While the former was more likely, he at least hoped that Shang Qinghua made it to the surface and called for help because as much as he hated to admit it, that brute Liu Qingqe and his brutish sword would be helpful at the moment. He was tiring and his core couldn't hold on any longer while the beast was all but brimming in energy. It lunged and the Peak Lord futilely brought up his sword, knowing it wouldn't do anything, realizing that this was the end of Shen Jiu, dead by a rabid bird in a fucking cave. And then...there was light.

Lightning, there was lightning in the cave, huge arcs of it racing towards the beast and striking it over and over, the lake water acting as a conductor and exacerbating the damage. And on a ledge, was a creature wearing Shang Qinghua. Because that couldn't be Shang Qinghua. Shang Qinghua was a mousy, nervous, skittish mess of a man. Non obtrusive, and a pushover. He was weak and had no combat abilities to speak of. He barely had a core....except that wasn't true was it? None of them had ever seen Shang Qinghua fight. None of them had ever felt the power of his core. Shang Qinghua always ran solo and the occasional company of his head disciple so none of them had been on a mission with him. In fact, none of them knew anything about Shang Qinghua. They just assumed that he was weak...because he was An Ding and acted like a coward. But now it was clear Shen Qingqiu that it was by design. It should have impossible to constantly keep up a facade like that but looking at the imperious creature watching on dispassionately at the Demonic Beast writhing in his lightning, Shen Qingqiu knew that the impossible had been done.

The creature that was Shang Qinghua jumped down from the ledge and made his way to Shen Qingqiu. He was clutching a Thousand Screams Swan now back to its original size. He was barefoot. His clothing was ripped in places. A large slit too clean to be from the beast ran up both his legs just shy of his hips revealing long legs adorned in gorgeous ink patterns climbing up them and disappearing up the torso. It was clear Shang Qinghua cut them up to increase mobility. The sleeves were also ripped, also covered with beautiful tattoos and the high collar of the robes were open showing off beautiful collar bones. His hair was left free and falling russet waves down his back to his knees and with each shift Shen Qingqiu could see a silver shine of what seems to be metal strings woven into it. He was... He was a vision.

Shang Qinghua was always covered. He wore high collar robes that never showed an inch of skin on his body. So seeing him with his legs and arms and his collar visible, it was obscene! Shen Qingqiu realized to horror that he was blushing. His entire face was burning! Shang Qinghua must have succubus blood in him! He must have! Shen Qingqiu is not the type to blush at every pretty face! He hoped to the gods that Shang Qinghua just think of his blushing face as a result of exertion.

As Shang Qinghua drew closer, Shen Qingqiu noticed something strange. Gauntlets. Silver gauntlets carved with seals. Two on the ankles, two on the wrists. And one collar on the neck. Hidden underneath high collar robes as they were, this was the first time Shen Qingqiu had ever seen them. At first they looked like enhancers and looking at the lightning still attacking the beast which seemed to be getting smaller and smaller, it seemed most likely. But Shen Qingqiu was done assuming things about Shang Qinghua. And he was right, because closer inspection revealed the seals to be limiters. Shen Qingqiu for the first time since he became a Peak Lord, was truly astonished. Limiter seals active on five points on the body and undoubtedly forming a restructure five point qi circuit and still manages to defeat two S class demonic beasts? Incredible. Shen Qingqiu wanted to know everything about him. He wanted to burrow underneath his skin. He has never wanted anything more.

After the Beast shrunk down somehow, Shang Qinghua retrieved it with a talisman that seemed to be some sort of Binding. He silently clutched the swans together and made his way to one of the caves, silently motioning for Shen Qingqiu to follow. As they made their way up the caves, Shen Qingqiu looked at his mysterious companion and told him what he was adamant about from the moment he saw the other bring down the wrath of the heavens,

"You can't hide from me anymore."

Shang Qinghua was silent. Then, like a whisper of silk on soft skin, he replied,

"I can try."

Shen Qingqiu smirked,

"Yes you can. But you won't succeed."

The Xiu Ya sword looked the two beasts the other was holding, two Thousand Screams Swans.

"Is Shang Lei even a real name? "

The other didn't answer and that was an answer in itself. Shen Qingqiu couldn't wait to have him.

Anon oh my god this is GORGEOUS!!! Thank you for feeding me, it was delicious!! Bamf SQH! Beautiful SQH! Badass, pretty, mysterious SQH!!!! Attractive as hell, an unattainable prospect!!!

@nighthaunting look look, it’s our writing child

#SCREAMING #jiuplane #this is beautiful #thank you anon #anon ask #anon fanfic #anonymous #vodka answers

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dreamiesdotcom · 3 years

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[00:45] To you at least, there was never a truthful, unbiased evidence that people were intended to love: those who wrote their theories about love have yearned, experienced, missed the feeling of being loved. They were tainted by the idea that there exist in this world, people who were born from the same star as you.

Because love meant sharing joys and exchanging affection and holding a loaded gun to each other's chests, you saw it as nothing more than suicide. There are things you keep to yourself; you have to learn to share just enough that they don't suspect you're not fully trusting, but not so much that you end up confiding in them.

Your happiness, your love, your trust, your heart; these are the things you never should let people hold. They let go. God, they let go all the time.

"Yo, Y/N!" A cheery voice calls from behind you, running from his circle of friends to you with a huge smile on his face. He wraps an arm around your shoulder, holding you in a playful chokehold.

"Donghyuck," you call timidly. "Do you need anything?"

"Huh? When have I ever needed anything from you?" He raises a brow. You open your mouth to speak, but then he slightly tightens his hold before letting go, "Do not remind me of the time I cried because my parents left me at home and nobody wanted to cook for me."

"I wasn't gonna."

"Liar! You were!"

You keep your neutral expression as you nodded, fixing your collar, "I was gonna."

"Don't just agree like that!" He huffs, confusing you. He suddenly grabs your hands and brings them up to his face, something a kid would do. You look at him curiously, with doubt that curiosity showed on your face. "Come to the party, okay?"

"I'll think about it."

But love... love is infectious. It's so easy for it to get into you; someone's touch is more effective than the others. Donghyuck's was the most powerful. With just a smile, he touched you so intimately that you were contaminated through and through.

"Pretty please?" He presses the back of your hands to his cheeks, "I— well, I mean, you don't have to, but— but it'd be nice... you know..."

You sigh, easing your hands away from his grasp and turning around. "Fine," you mutter, thankfully succeeding in holding in your blush as you heard him walk over to his friends as he hums a happy tune alongside a 'I'll see you there, Y/N~!'

Since when?

"They might fall for you if you keep that up," a whisper comes from one of his friends, a brow arched. They probably thought you were too far to hear.

You swallowed when Donghyuck laughed sweetly, with no hint of any malice in his joy.

"Let them."

It was nothing specific, not answering any questions but adding two: is he playing with my feelings because I'm a challenge? Is there a chance that he wants me to fall for him... because he fell for me? Useless thoughts as such. Love was annoying. It played like the tune of despair when you're alone; you're constantly alone.

But you come anyway. Love felt like being sick, like the wobbling of your feet as if you haven't walked for a whole month. It felt like throwing up when Donghyuck greets you at the door, tugging you somewhere, sitting you in a circle where a bottle spins, dizzying you further. There were drinks being offered.

He tells you not to drink too much. You tell him you can handle it. You have handled everything so far, hard subjects and emptiness and life in general.

But life makes you secretive. Liquor makes you honest.

After an eternity at laughing when funny stories come up, and blushing when you're complimented for your newly revealed soft side, and hurting whenever he's dared to be near someone (hold their hand for five minutes, hug them for three, kiss them for one), the bottle spins and it points to you.

Everyone buzzes in excitement, hoping to have you do something, anything, with the unfamiliar boy in the circle who's been watching and soaking in your presence and laughter since you sat down next to Donghyuck.

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Boring," they say, but it didn't hurt, since truth was rarely boring. Sometimes words expressed things you were too uncomfortable to act on. So you smiled.

A girl whose face you don't remember asks you, "If you could choose one thing in the world right now, and that thing would be the only thing you'd feel for the rest of your life, what would it be?"

Beside you lays Donghyuck's jacket, and your cold hand hides underneath it. The other hand brings a cup up your lips, mindful of the stares directed at you. For a moment, you thought it would be better if you chose dare and kissed a boy you barely caught the name of. You wondered if you could back down and choose dare instead.

Underneath the piece of clothing, his fingers dances with yours, eventually slowing into soft, tingling touches by fingertips, and end their artful choreography by settling down. Your palm rest against the carpeted floor. His covers the back of your hand.

Sunshine was not something you were fond of. It was warm, and sometimes it was good, but too much of it burned; it reminded you of a certain something. And sunshine reminded you of a certain someone. Someone who made you rethink that same something.

You didn't like sunshine, but his existence was submerged in summer at birth that at his presence, it was all you could feel.

You look straight in Donghyuck's eyes, the faintest blush and the slightest smile looking like painted sunrise on you face.

"Love," you say softly, "I'd do anything if it means I'd be loved forever."

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thelonesomequeen · 2 years

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I tend to agree w all these posts about not defending celebs but I've yet to see some blind defense about CE in particular so far apart from the usual 'golden retriever in the body of a Greek God' kind... What I've seen especially in the past months when it comes to Evans is mostly character assassination. The relentless posting of made-up rumors and storylines, the ig stalking, the harassing of family members ranging from Scott to minors. The very intense narrative that he's in fact using insta to groom young girls, his 'fetish', while 'old' women (his age) are trying to clean his sloppy online thotting by saying there's no proof when all the 'evidences' are there. There are a couple of very annoying blogs on here, a certain forum, i don't need to give names b/c we all know who they are, who haven't thought twice before spreading fake news and unverifiable shit and claiming everyone calling them out and challenging their narratives were making fools of themselves and should stop DefENdInG Chris Evans... So I dunno if there are really so many ppl who think the man is a knight in shining armor or just folks fed up of the same BS about his private life. Also, i read somewhere that fans treat the fandom as reality tv but what i think now is that they treat Chris as a kardashian... To them, he's Khris. Granted he's not the most private actor out there (who is really?) BUT he's not a kartrashian type of celeb and never will be. He's never gonna provide daily content and the drama they crave. So they have to invent. And the toxicity and negativity aren't only about young women and his ig follows and likes but also about his posts. He posts a pool back flip and 'oh, he's so lame, a thirst trap for sad girls', he posts a piano vid 'look at how smug he is looking at the camera like that, I'd smack some common sense into him', the scare videos 'spoiled middle upper class brats', dodger in his bed 'just when he told his ons to leave', watching Snoopy 'to later on switch to porn'... These are TRUE comments and reactions I've read about his ig activity. I'm convinced one day he'll delete it and never come back. So, while I'll never defend him or any famous person for that matter, I'm also not gonna be dragged into the hating cycle some 'fans' have going on. If they don't really like him, they should just find someone else to stan

I do agree that there is a sector of the fandom that loves to make up drama and carry it on as long as possible in a weird attempt to destroy him. To those people, I have to ask why they’re still here and bothering instead of just moving on with their lives? You don’t need to make up an excuse to leave a fandom. You can just accept it’s no longer for you and simply move on. It really isn’t that hard. However, there are newer fans that do like to rewrite the history of things that have happened that they don’t like in order to defend him from it or call him out for things that land in morally gray areas. The biggest example of this I can think of is his relationship with Jenny. The truth of that situation is the relationship started when she was a committed, married woman and they were both very aware of her marital status. It was enough to make fans at the time leave the fandom or at least take a break. But new fans now love to tell false, elaborate stories about how Jenny lied to him, manipulated him, or tricked him into the relationship and he had no idea she was married instead of just coming to terms with the fact that he got involved with a woman who was very much married. They’ll do whatever they can to make him appear completely innocent. At this point it’s water under the bridge, but it’s not the only situation like that that exists. I’m not going to go further into detail on other situations because it’s old news at this point, but you all know where our archive is if you’re curious enough for old drama and gossip🦎

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firelxdykatara · 4 years

Text

gods, ok, apparently i’m not done.

atla fandom? we need to have a chat.

(....ok that made me sound pretentious as fuck. and maybe i am, but this needs to be said, cause i’m getting....real, real tired of a Certain Corner of this fandom and as a result, this is gonna be a discourse-heavy post so feel free to scroll past if that’s not your bag. as always, my salt posts all carry the catch-all #salt for ts tag, which you’re free to blacklist/filter at your leisure. i’m Very Annoyed at the moment, which will probably come through in the following post, so just. yknow. be prepared for that. or ignore it, that’s perfectly valid too.)

under a cut bc i do care for my followers and their sanity i swear lmao

there’s a real serious issue in this fandom with not understanding what queer terminology actually means or implies, especially when applied to a fictional narrative.

i’m specifically talking about ‘coding’, here. (if i were in a more meme-y mood, i might have said ‘the atla fandom found out about the term “gay-coding” and haven’t shut up since’.)

to the people who say ‘zuko is gay-coded’, i have this to say: you keep using that word. i do not think it means what you think it means. because he isn’t. i’m sorry, but he’s not! and the fact that this is such a prevalent claim in this fandom is distressing, bc it says to me that none of y’all know what gay-coding is or when and how to apply it! please, i’m begging you, go and look up these terms and what they mean and when they should be used before actually trying to plug them into your critical analysis, because when you misuse them and then call other people delusional for disagreeing with you it casts a pall over the entire fandom and is, i think, the root of some of the worst toxicity this fandom has to offer.

and the thing is, there are cases where gay-coding would apply--for instance, a couple series that are famous for queerbaiting their audience by coding their main characters as being attracted to one another (sometimes even despite their openly stated sexualities) come to mind, but those shows bare no similarities at all to atla and how zuko was written and portrayed! (and it would be funny, if it weren’t so obnoxious and infuriatingly wide-spread throughout the fandom, because the only queer couple we actually seen on-screen in either show wasn’t even queer-coded in any respect, and they’re canonically bi! [yes, i’m shading korrasami, or more accurately i’m shading bryke for refusing to give ka the build-up and development they deserved].)

this absolutely isn’t to say that headcanoning zuko as gay is a bad thing or invalid in any respect. (although the tendency for zukka shippers to do this specifically to keep zuko away from katara and/or invalidate his canon relationship/attraction to girls is more than a little eyebrow raising. especially since sokka is usually allowed to be bi, bc fans have no problem letting sukka stay in the background bc it’s no real threat, while jetko shippers are happy to have both boys be bi. [possibly bc katara is less a threat to jetko bc jetkotara is every bit as valid as any single ship between the three, but zukka can’t exactly let katara join in, and if the potential exists for zuko to be attracted to her then canon giving them the far deeper emotional bond becomes a threat to zukka’s existence? idk for sure--you be the judge.]) i prefer to hc zuko as bi (and always have, long before the atla renaissance), bc i don’t think zuko being attracted to boys is outside the realm of possibility, and it isn’t a threat to my ship since zuko&katara had a deep and emotional bond in canon that is very easy to develop further into something that becomes explicitly romantic--but the headcanon itself isn’t really the problem (although what it’s often in service to can be).

it’s the strange insistence that this is the only way to read his character, bc he was coded that way and so anyone who doesn’t see it must be too straight to understand--and i really shouldn’t have to say why and how that is so incredibly fucking insulting. (the ‘hetero lenses’ comment wasn’t cute when it came from bryke six years ago, and the same sentiment being repackaged and delivered by zukka shippers ain’t cute now.)

calling zuko gay-coded not only demonstrates ignorance as to what the term actually means, and how to usefully apply it in critical analysis, but also validates the frankly bullshit insertion of institutionalized homophobia in the world of atla where it was neither needed, nor wanted, nor ever hinted at in canon. as a queer woman i’m still infuriated by one fucking comic panel shoving institutionalized and systemic homophobia into a world where it was entirely unnecessary (and doing this in the first installment of the franchise showcasing a queer relationship??? making korra and asami worried about ‘coming out’ when they could have just gone on to have cute adventures together and tell people ‘hey we’re dating’ and have everyone else be ‘that’s awesome =DDD’ [because it is, in fact, possible to just have a world without homophobia i promise!!!!!] double yikes, i’m still pissed at bryke about it), and i doubly hate that ‘zuko is gay coded’ has become so widespread that ‘ozai hates him bc he’s gay’ has become a staple in that part of the fandom.

not only does making zuko gay and implying (or outright stating) that ozai hated and abused him because of it completely undermine zuko’s character arc by making his abuse about his sexuality rather than ozai’s toxic pride and anger at seeing himself reflected in his ‘weak’ son, but it comes very close to outright stating that abuse and trauma are inherently gay experiences, and they aren’t!!! they really aren’t, i promise!!!

abuse and trauma narratives exist outside of ‘my dad hates me because i’m gay’. and, quite frankly, there are MORE THAN ENOUGH queer trauma narratives out in the world. we do not need to start trying to retroactively make them canon in a series where they didn’t exist! if you’re gay and see yourself in zuko and project your own experiences on him, that’s understandable and valid. that does not make zuko gay-coded. and honestly, the insistence that he is makes very little sense to me, because you’re essentially trying to give the show credit for work you put into interpreting the characters! why would you want to do that? why not own your own headcanons and take credit for them, rather than insisting they are canon and everyone else is wrong for not seeing them??? like, i’ve said before that i’ve always headcanoned zuko (and katara) as bi, and even support it with my interpretations of evidence from the show, but the difference between ‘i think zuko is bi’ and ‘zuko is definitely gay-coded’ is that i know that bi zuko is my interpretation of canon, and that it is work i’m putting into the show that wasn’t actually intended by the creators/writers, no matter how much sexual tension i read into the jetko swordfight.

and like, zuko’s character arc doesn’t actually parallel a queer one all that well to begin with. it’s easy enough to do the work and twist it sideways just enough to make the general points fit, but the fact is, zuko’s arc is not one of self-discovery. it’s not one of coming to understand something fundamental about himself that he can’t change, that he was hated for, and coming out to his father in a dramatic confrontation where he shows that he understands himself and doesn’t need his father’s acceptance to be fulfilled.

zuko’s arc is actually one of trauma and healing. and those can (and often are--like i said, there are more than enough queer trauma narratives in the world, atla really doesn’t need to be one of them) be part of queer narratives, for sure! but they aren’t uniquely queer. and zuko’s confrontation with ozai during the eclipse doesn’t read like a ‘coming out’ at all. (yes, i’ve seen that post. yes, i rolled my eyes and moved on, bc unlike some people, i’m capable of not clowning on correctly tagged posts i disagree with.) zuko is specifically confronting ozai over his abuse, because his arc wasn’t about discovering anything fundamental about himself (and therefore realizing that ozai was hating him for something he couldn’t change)--it was about realizing that he was not at fault for the way his father treated him. it was also about realizing that the fire nation was broken and corrupt at its core, and that his father was an aspect of that he needed to break away from so that he could help the world begin to heal.

he says it himself:

Zuko: No, I've learned everything! And I've had to learn it on my own! Growing up, we were taught that the Fire Nation was the greatest civilization in history. And somehow, the War was our way of sharing our greatness with the rest of the world. What an amazing lie that was. The people of the world are terrified by the Fire Nation. They don't see our greatness. They hate us! And we deserve it! We've created an era of fear in the world. And if we don't want the world to destroy itself, we need to replace it with an era of peace and kindness.

making this about zuko being gay and rejecting ozai’s homophobia, rather than zuko learning fundamental truths about the world and about his home and about how there was something deeply wrong with his nation that needed to be fixed in order for the world to heal (and, no, ‘homophobia’ is not the answer to ‘what is wrong with the fire nation’, i’m still fucking pissed at bryke about that), misses the entire point of his character arc. this is the culmination of zuko realizing that he should never have had to earn his father’s love, because that should have been unconditional from the start. this is zuko realizing that he was not at fault for his father’s abuse--that speaking out of turn in a war meeting in no way justified fighting a duel with a child.

is that first realization (that a parent’s love should be unconditional, and if it isn’t, then that is the parent’s fault and not the child’s) something that queer kids in homophobic households/families can relate to? of course it is. but it’s also something that every other abused kid, straight kids and even queer kids who were abused for other reasons before they even knew they were anything other than cishet, can relate to as well. in that respect, it is not a uniquely queer experience, nor is it a uniquely queer story, and zuko not being attracted to girls (which is what a lot of it seems to boil down to, at the end of the day--cutting down zuko’s potential ships so that only zukka and a few far more niche ships are left standing) is not necessary to his character arc. nor does it particularly make sense.

(and before anyone brings up his date with jin--a) he enjoyed it when she kissed him, and b) he was a traumatized, abused child going out on a first date. of course he was fucking awkward. have you ever met a teenage boy????)

anyway, uh, that was a lot of words, so have a tl;dr: zuko is not gay-coded. there is nothing uniquely gay (or even uniquely queer) about his character arc or characterization, and he was certainly not coded gay in an attempt to sneak a queer character past the censors. if anyone involved with atla was gonna try that, it would’ve been in lok, and as established, they didn’t even manage to queer-code the actual queer relationship before the last few minutes of the final episode. headcanoning zuko as gay is absolutely fine (though if it’s only done to keep him away from female characters he may otherwise be attracted to, that smells more like misogyny than anything else), but insisting that this reading is the only one that makes sense, and anyone who doesn’t agree must be straight (hello, queer woman here making this insanely long thinkpiece) is very much not.

ship what you like, but stop trying to invalidate other ships and other interpretations of characters just to make your ship seem more plausible. it’s really not a good look.

#atla #zuko #zukka salt #more like zukka shipper salt #atla fandom salt #salt for ts #zuko is not gay coded and im so so tired of seeing that argument in this fandom #it's fine as a hc but it's not canon and was never remotely intended and his arc isn't particularly evocative of a gay narrative #long post #queer things

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hyenahunt · 3 years

Text

Werewolf - 2

Writer: Nishioka Maiko

Season: Summer

Proofreading: 310mc (JP)

Translation: Bella & hyenahunt

Rinne: You ain’t talked at all, Sazamin. Ain’t that sus? You tryin’ to keep somethin’ from us?

[Location: Seisou Hall Common Room]

Sora: (Hehe ♪ Dazzling-oniisan and Shinobu-chan are the werewolves this time, huh~?

Yuu-chan’s the seer, and Master’s the medium.

As for Ei-chan senpai, Jun-chan-senpai, aaand Gambler-oniisan —

—they're all villagers. Sora’s got a good grasp on the situation!

This is gonna be an interesting game, huh~♪ Sora’s looking forward to it!)

Is everyone ready~?

Morning's come~. Please start!

Natsume: AlRIGHT. Tenshouin-senpai — or rather, the old fart is a wereWOLF. Everyone, vote to hang HIM...♪

Shinobu: Wha!? That's how you're going to start things off!?

Eichi: I object, Sakasaki-kun. Not only to the name you gave me, but even more importantly — why decide I'm a werewolf without any investigation whatsoever?

I’d like to hear your grounds for accusation, at the very least.

Natsume: Because I say you ARE? As you’re the worst person HERE, you old FART.

Eichi: How heartless. I’m a genuine law-abiding villager, you know? Hanging me would do nothing but put the villager faction at a disadvantage.

Shinobu: C-Could the two of you hold on for just a moment...

Yuta: Sakasaki-senpai and Tenshouin-senpai, please calm down!

Shinobu: (Yuuta-kun...! That's Yuuta-kun for you, coming to the rescue. The game can't keep going like this, so those two have got to be stopped!)

Yuta: I mean, if we're doing this based on sheer villain vibes, then a certain someone fits the bill even more. Isn't that right, Rinne-senpai? So yeah, let's all vote him out ♪

Shinobu: You too, Yuuta-kun!?

Jun: Both of your grudges are seriously on full display, huh. This ain't even a game anymore.

Rinne: Hold up, don’t just go decidin’ shit on your own! Ya boy’s one of them goody-two-shoe villagers too, yanno!?

Y'know, with the way he's makin' such a fuss to get me, a villager, hanged… Maybe Yuta-kun's actually the werewolf here.

Yuta: I'm a villager, alright! I swear to God I really am!

Rinne: I don’t trust a single thing that comes outta that mouth of yours. All you gotta do is change one li’l thing and your name gets pretty damn close to Judas, don’t it? [1]

Yuta: Excuse me!? My name's Yu-u-ta! And for the record, it's a tall order asking anyone to trust you!

Hiyori: Say, Jun-kun? Is the game supposed to play out like this?

Jun: Not in the slightest.

Hiyori: Hmm, that so?

Alright, I'd like everyone to stop and listen to me! At this rate, we're not going to get anywhere, are we? First of all, why don't we come out with our various roles?

For your information, I'm an innocent villager of the highest social standing, of course!

Eichi: Well, it’s just as Hiyori-kun says — senseless arguing will only waste time. I don’t have that much to spare, you know?

As for me, I’d like for the seer to reveal himself. We don’t have enough evidence otherwise.

Of course, staying hidden is a viable option, but… we’d simply have to start hanging people at random in that case. That wouldn’t be ideal for either faction, now would it?

Shinobu: Mmm... You've got a point there...

Well, I'll come out with it, then. I got the role of the "seer".

The first villager identity the GM told me was Tenshouin-dono.

Eichi: Fufu. That’s proof enough of my innocence, isn’t it? Too bad.

Natsume: TCH… But we still don’t know whether or not Shinobu-kun’s telling the TRUTH.

Yuta: Huh? W-Wait a minute! I'm the real seer!

And on that note, the villager I learnt of was Sakasaki-senpai.

Natsume: HmMM, well, it is true that I am ONE.

(Heheh. I’m not just a villager THOUGH.

I’m the “medium,” though I have to hide THAT. My very existence spells trouble for the “werewolves” who try to deceive everyone else in this PHASE.

After ALL, I can speak with the DEAD.)

NOW, isn’t that STRANGE? For there to be two “seers” HERE... That is to say: one of you is a sham — a werewolf in sheep’s cloTHING.

Yuta: Seriously~? I'm the real deal, though...

Shinobu: N-No, I am?

Jun: Hm? Speaking of which, aren't any other roles gonna out themselves? I guess it's typical for the "medium" to stay low, huh? I'm a villager, for the record.

Eichi: Ah, I see. With that, all of us have outed ourselves. Now - what shall we do?

Rinne: There’s nothin’ else to do but hang the two seers one after the other, yeah? The real one might bite the dust, but I’m pretty sure we’ll get the werewolf too.

Hiyori: I do wonder about that? As it stands, these two are in a gray zone ready to be hanged at any time. I believe it's worth noting that we could get even more information from actively leaving them alone!

After all, should we choose the wrong one to hang, it'll be a breeze for the werewolves to control the flow of the game.

Rinne: Man, you can think that way all you want, but that just looks like you’re a werewolf protectin’ his packmate, y’know? Hiyori-chan?

Hiyori: I'm fully prepared to be suspected for speaking up, of course. But it's precisely because I'm innocent that I can come out and say all this, you know!

Rinne: Whatever you say. By the way, I’ve been wonderin’ about somethin’...

You ain’t talked at all, Sazamin. Ain’t that sus? You tryin’ to keep somethin’ from us?

Jun: Wha!? You've got the wrong idea, man. I'm just overwhelmed by your combined enthusiasm.

Rinne: Then lemme make it a li’l easier for you. Tell us whatcha got, Sazamin!

Jun: Hmm... I guess I'd agree with Ohii-san here...

It's true that the more info we have, the more likely it'll be for us to get confused in this game, but if we let 'em live I feel like it'll be easier to find the second werewolf as well.

Watching out for who tries to protect each other is gonna prove to be important, I feel.

Hiyori: Yes, yes, Jun-kun. That's exactly it!

Sora: (Haha~♪ Dazzling-oniisan and Shinobu-chan sure are amazing at this, huh~? They’ve got the appearance of being villagers down pat!)

✦✦✦✦✦

Translation Notes: [1]: Rinne’s nickname for Yuuta is Yuta (ユタ), which, upon adding a dakuten to the last syllable, transforms it into Judas (ユダ) of Biblical traitor fame.

✦✦✦✦✦

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#hiyori tomoe #jun sazanami #sora harukawa #natsume sakasaki #shinobu sengoku #yuta aoi #rinne amagi #eichi tenshouin #enstars #ensemble stars #enstars translation #s: werewolf #era: !!#type: scout #status: complete #hyenahunttl

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sidespromptblog · 3 years

Text

A Close Friend: (1/2)

Two

Warnings: Suicidal Ideal (Logan), Hurt/ Comfort, Angst, Logan is not okay, Roman is trying his best, and Crying (Logan mostly).

Summary: Roman goes to Logan in order to vent and ramble about everything that had happened about Thomas, Patton, and Janus. But in the process finds Logan dealing with his own bottled emotions, as well as an uncomfortable thought that Logan has been dealing with as of late that leaves Roman scared for Logan’s own safety. So he decided to help, in whatever way that he can.

AO3 LINK

Word Count: 2,783

With an angry buried snarl of outrage Roman rose up into the mind space, and away from Thomas, Patton, and the lying side that caused this ruckus of emotions to take over inside of him. The outrage he felt right now was all consuming, to the point where he felt like putting his fist through any number of walls right this very second. His very fists shook with the idea of it and the pain that it would cause him to do such a thing, he contemplated it, it would be an outlet for all of his complicated emotions… even if it wasn’t necessarily a healthy one at that. Although he could pretend that it was Deceit’s face the entire time, just to sooth a little bit of the pain in his body and heart.

“This is ridiculous.” Roman snorted, more to himself rather than anyone who would listen to him. “I’m not punching something just because of that.. that liar!” Roman angrily kicked his boots off, rather satisfied with how one went flying in one direction and the other thumped against the railing of the stairs narrowly avoiding their family photos that Patton had insisted they have.

Roman could only scowl at those photos now, even if most of the people in them had no idea right now just what he was so angry about.

Would they even understand if he were to tell them? Would they get it? Would they even listen to him to begin with?

Or would they just say he was being too dramatic?

Virgil certainly would, he almost never went to the emo to vent about anything to him. It was almost always the other way around. Virgil rambling about the things that worried him, and things that he was scared would happen in the future. If he were to vent about anything to Virgil, he was almost certain that he’d be stopped and told he was just making the other side’s anxiety worse by bringing the things up. Not that it was entirely Virgil’s fault, he couldn’t help it if things triggered that anxiety. But just once…

He like to have someone to vent to, and not be the constant emotional whoopie cushion for everyone to overlook unless they needed something from him.

He needed someone who was…

Less emotional than the others.

Someone who…

An idea raced across his mind in a flash, “Logan!” He shouted, tearing his way upstairs and towards the logical side’s room, his bare feet skipping the steps of the stairs in an effort to get there faster. “You are not going to believe what happened today!” The overwhelmed sensation that had been flooding his chest finally gave way to something that felt like relief, as he stood outside of the other’s door.

Logan would listen, he'd listen objectively, but he’d still listen to him.

“Logan-”

Roman stopped dead as his hands had pushed open Logan’s door, he had never bothered to knock in the past and now was no exception. But the sound that had graced his ears made his heart drop into his stomach, and fear tangle his inside.

It was…

Sobbing.

Muffled sobbing, so silent that had he just been walking by he wouldn’t have heard it at all. It was only by stepping into Logan’s room that he’d heard it all, his heart twisted at the sound. He’d never heard Logan cry, unlike the others whom he had comforted many times after their own nightmares, emotions, and turmoils… Logan had never come to him for anything like this, if anything, Logan had never come to him at all. The silence of the other’s cries spoke volumes as to why, the logical side was probably used to bottling things up and forcing himself to stay as quiet as possible to not alert everyone around him about his own turmoils that he must’ve been going through.

How many times had Logan done this, and nobody was the wiser of it?

How many times had Logan bit his tongue when they had said something cruel to him, just to cry like he was now?

“Logan?” He saw the logical side’s back stiffen almost immediately upon hearing Roman’s voice, his jaw clenching shut as he attempted to quiet the heaving of his lungs. “What’s wrong?” Almost immediately the thoughts of venting to Logan went right out the window, he had been angry and overwhelmed yet, but right now… Logan needed his help, he needed…

A hero.

Logan sniffled, inhaling and exhaling in a way that told Roman he wasn’t getting enough air in him to stop from heaving. The logical side clenched the pillow that was stained with the evidence of his tears, his knuckles were a stark white contrast against the deep blue pillowcase. But nevertheless Logan turned slightly to face Roman, the stains of already shed tears lining his cheeks, the redness of his puffy eyes made Roman wince in sympathy.

He’d certainly been there before.

“Logan-”

“I heard you,” Logan’s voice cracked with the simple three words that he muttered out almost sourly, “I was debating on whether I should answer honestly or not.” Logan licked his lips, that were red from hours of biting them in an effort to not make a single sound while he lost himself to his own sadness. “Which would you prefer? You obviously came here wanting something from me, and it wasn’t to comfort me while I wept like an overgrown baby.”

Roman winced at the unintentional sharpness that Logan wielded even in this state, although unlike before, it wasn’t wielded towards Roman with the intent to hurt the creative side… but rather to hurt Logan.

For being caught crying? Roman didn’t accurately know, but even so, he didn’t like the thought of it.

Self deprecation was Virgil’s thing, not Logan’s.

He inched forward towards Logan’s bed, his hands raised slightly in a peaceful manner that told Logan he held no ill intent towards the other side. An action that made Logan huff almost sarcastically, as if he didn’t believe the creative side for a single second. But not before smooshing his face into the pillow, a minor attempt to hide from the creative side while he still could, and still protect his emotions that were vulnerable for anyone to see.

Roman sat on the edge of Logan’s bed not touching the logical side, at least not yet.

“I’d prefer it if you were honest with me,” Roman spoke softly, his voice much quieter than usual. “I’d like to know what’s wrong, and… if I can help in any way.” He did… gods did he want to help, but for someone like Logan.. he had no idea on how to even start. The other side was far too jaded and cynical for the usual things that worked for Patton and Virgil.

Patton could be soothed by a simple hug and food, with bodily contact enough to calm down whatever he was feeling in that moment. Virgil was tougher, but even he enjoyed the occasional hug and any kind of distraction that Roman could pull out of his sleeves at the time. But for Logan…

He had no idea.

A rough raspy laugh pulled him out of his musing, “You want the truth?” Tears brimmed on the corners of Logan’s eyes, and for a second Roman felt a bolt of panic, as if somehow he had once again messed things up. But Logan only scrubbed at his eyes, as his bottom lip wobbled with another onslaught of emotions. “I’m so tired Roman, I just want to sleep.” His breathing hitched as a whimper crawled its way up his throat, the warm comforting touch of Roman’s arms around him only seemed to make his tears come faster and faster as he buried his face in the creative side’s shoulder. “I just want to sleep and never wake up, so that I won’t be treated how I am anymore! I don’t want to wake up!”

Guilt twisted Roman’s insides at the acute reminder of just how both he and Patton had treated Logan’s interjections, Logan hadn’t even been there in person and yet…

They had treated him as an after thought, Patton had even chosen to ignore him when Logan had spoken up once… giving Deceit the perfect chance to butt in and take Logan’s place when he was out of the picture.

Roman had chosen ignorance over Logan… time and time again.

Logan’s fingers helplessly clawed at the back of Roman’s shirt, his breathing just getting more and more erratic the more he sobbed and less air he was taking in. It made Roman’s stomach clench painfully at the guilt that he was once again faced with, this was… his fault. Just another thing added to the list of things he had done wrong, they were supposed to be a family and yet-

“I know that it’s not just you,” Logan rambled on, cutting his inner musings short. “It’s just everything over a long period of time, and its unfair of me to just unload everything onto you at once, you don’t deserve to be at the center of my stupid emotions, and you certainly don’t deserve to stuck here. It’s just everything, ever since the beginning… I just.. I just…” Logan thumped his head against Roman’s shoulder in a desperate attempt to get his words out, “It's not your fault that I’m like this,” Logan admitted, almost as if he could feel the very thoughts that had been going through Roman’s head. His guilt and his shame had always been so obvious, at least Logan. “I’m just so… tired… of everything.”

Thomas wasn’t listening to him, even Patton hadn’t even stopped to consider how Logan would feel when he skipped him. His points were considered optional at best, to the point where the others felt happy that they could choose to not listen to him.

If that was how they felt about him… then what was the point of even showing up? What was the point of even trying anymore? What was the point in existing as a side for Thomas to listen to?

Sleeping forever, and not having to deal with anything like this sounded heavenly. It would stop the hurting, and it would stop everything that made these tears possible.

Roman gripped Logan tighter, his fingers bunching the back of Logan’s shirt as he buried his face into the other side’s hair. He felt a little better to know that this breakdown wasn’t entirely his fault, but… that didn’t stop the guilt that wormed its way into his heart regardless. He was still responsible in some way, be it his nicknames, how he responded to Logan’s facts, or even how he treated Logan sometimes. He had still hurt Logan in some way, even if the other had done the same… Logan didn’t always know that it was in good spirits, he had taken it seriously.

He knew that too, and he couldn’t pretend that he didn’t use it to his advantage.

So he needed to fix this, before he got anywhere close to being able to just pop in on Logan and vent about his day. They weren’t friends, he had never treated Logan like a friend, even if they were both somewhat responsible for that.

But first… he needed to help Logan out of the suicidal-idealation he was spiraling into.

He’d seen it enough in Virgil, when he was in one of his really bad attacks, as well as in Thomas when he was in high school during the peak of his closested streak.

At least he could help with that.

“Logan,” Roman softly hummed into the other side’s ear, as he gently rocked the other back and forth, his hand gingerly patting the other’s back in comforting rhythms. “Do you want to sleep with me?”

A sputtering sound erupted from the side in his arms disrupting the hitching sobs that had been coming from him, and it took Roman all of two seconds to realize just how that sounded coming from him. Or rather how it would sound coming from anybody, at least without a little bit of context first.

“Not like that!” He blurted out almost immediately, a rosy hue burning his cheeks with a vengeance, as embarrassment and awkwardness boiled in his stomach making him want to run away and never face the logical side ever again. “I meant, would you like to sleep in my room!” He quickly amended, his face getting redder by the second, even if he refused to relinquish his grip on Logan, who had gone very still. “I could use a nap after the day I’ve had, and it sounds like you need one too.” His voice softened for a moment, “You’ll have nothing but good dreams, and when we wake up… we’ll do something, just the two of us. You can have a day off, and just… relax. How does that sound?”

He could in the very least give Logan a sleep that he would wake up from, while ensuring that the logical side wouldn’t go off and do something reckless to ensure an endless slumber for himself. Plus…

It had been a very long time since he’d done anything with just the two of them, he couldn’t even remember the last time he’d spent time with just Logan without Patton having to force him to take the logical side along.

It might be nice, a chance to show Logan that for now, things would be okay and that Roman would be there for him.

They could just talk, and do things… without the worries of everything around them weighing them down.

A soft sigh left Logan’s lips, as the logical side gently rested his head on the creative side’s shoulder. “Sleep…” He began tiredly, the exhaustion of letting out so many emotions making him feel a little more than drained. “Sounds amazing…” It did, and even though he would wake up from this sleep, he would have something to look forward to, something to do that hopefully wouldn’t make him feel worse than he already did. A spark of gratitude welled up inside of him, had Roman not come along…

He probably would have just stayed here, crying and thinking things that would only lead him further into turmoil and sadness.

Until…

Logan’s body swayed as soon as Roman rose up, the creative side’s arms remained securely wrapped around Logan. Only jostling him slightly as the creative side almost too easily picked him up and sank out of Logan’s room, had he the strength Logan would have made a remark about how Roman was choosing to carry him or even given a small laugh about it. But instead he merely went limp, not putting up a fight as he rested his head against the other side’s chest and closing his eyes as soon as he felt the impossibly soft mattress of Roman’s bed touch his back.

But that didn’t stop his hand from darting out, almost as soon as Roman’s warmth left him.

“It’s okay,” The other side gently told him, his voice soft and reassuring to the logical side’s ears. “I’m just going to get on the other side, I’m not leaving you. I’m going to be right here.”

As nice as that sounded, Logan shook his head. That wasn’t it.

The logical side cracked open one of his eyes, the blurry world around him telling him that Roman had already taken off his glasses for him. “Roman,” He mumbled tiredly, the effect of Roman’s room already working to put him into a beautiful dream just for him. “Thank you,” His grasp on the other’s sleeve was already going slack, but he needed to let the other know before he lost himself to unconsciousness. “Thank you for caring about me, even if.. even if I make it hard sometimes.”

A warm and feathery softly blanket draped itself over Logan, and the fuzzy softness of sleep encroached more.

But just before he lost himself to it, Logan heard the sad chuckle from the other side grace his ears as a weight settled next to him and an arm laid itself over his chest. And a velvety soft voice murmured right next to his head:

“You don’t have to thank me Logan… you never have to thank me for listening to you.”

And just like that, Logan sank into the dream that Roman had created for him, a smile curling on his tear stained face.

Within moments, Roman had joined him as well, his exhausted body tucked against the logical side.

Protecting him from anything else that would cause him harm.

#logan sanders #ts logan #ts logan sanders #roman sanders #ts roman #ts roman sanders #logan angst #ts sanders sides #ts sides #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #ts sanders sides fanfic #ts sanders sides fanfiction #ts sides fanfic #ts sides fanfiction

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kelca13 · 4 years

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Does JK Touch the Other Members More than Jimin – and (More Importantly) Does it Matter?

Since I joined Jikook tumblr, one pattern I’ve noticed is how often the amount of skinship between Jungkook and other members versus Jimin is brought up.

The pattern goes like this:

Jungkook: Engages in skinship with another member.

An anonymous ask: “Did you see that?! Jungkook interacted with another member! It’s true – he shows affection to the other members more than he does Jimin!”

Blog answer: “No, that’s not true. Here are a bunch of times JK engaged in skinship with Jimin.”

Jungkook: Engages in skinship with another member.

….And the pattern repeats!

I love these blog responses, and I always enjoy the gifs/photo-drops attached. I generally agree that I see no lack of affection between Jungkook and Jimin.

But it’s interesting to me that this exchange keeps coming up. I’ve seen about four waves of this just since I’ve been blogging (and the bit of time where I lurked without engaging). There’s obviously something at work here that makes this: 1. A repeated anxious reaction from Jikookers or 2. A quick topic to jump on for people who don’t believe in Jikook and want to point it out.

So, let’s talk about it!

What Do We Mean When We Ask This Question?

This question is not just a stray observation. It comes with a lot of unspoken meaning, and it can vary depending on who is asking and why (which is information we don’t always have with anonymous contributors).

I get two main readings off of these questions:

Jikookers who are nervous about whatever interaction they’ve witnessed, because they are afraid it invalidates their ship.

People who want to disprove that Jikook could be real.

So, what are we actually asking here?

Though not always spoken, the implication is that this means something about Jikook. JK seemingly showing more affection to Jin than Jimin, for example, indicates something negative about Jikook’s potential relationship.

It could be:

They’re not as close as we thought.

They couldn’t possibly be dating because JK wouldn’t do that if they were.

They broke up!

JK clearly doesn’t even like Jimin that much (and my God, does that myth persist in this fandom despite all evidence to the contrary).

I’m also not convinced it’s actually about frequency, though that’s usually a part of the ask. I think it’s more that people have specific expectations about how Jimin and Jungkook (and Tae depending on the context) should behave, and if they don’t live up to that, they’re not real.

For some people, any contact with another member is too much contact.

Does JK show More Skinship with Other Members?

Okay, all that's fine -- but does he?

Here’s the surprising answer: I don’t actually know.

And, to be honest, you probably don’t either.

Why is that? Well, because there is almost ten years’ worth of BTS content. Most fans have probably not seen all of it.

So, when we’re talking about what JK does the most, it’s hard to say for sure without the full context. And it’s important to remember that their filmed lives are only a small portion of their actual lives. We’re already drawing conclusions based on a half-painted picture, and the picture can be more and more unfinished depending on how much and what type of content we’ve consumed.

That doesn’t mean we can’t watch content and get a general feel for the members, their relationships, etc. – of course we can. But the question is often specifically about the frequency, which is evidence-based – and we don’t have the full evidence.

Since we don’t have that, the truth is often left up to perception.

And perception is affected by a lot of things.

How Perception Shapes Our Answer

Have you noticed how some Jikook and TKK shippers tend to hyperfocus on the interactions of the Maknae line?

Often, Vminkook’s relationships are compared and their behavior scrutinized, usually to decide which ship is “more real.” But if any of the Maknae line were to engage in the same behavior with another member, that goes unnoticed or ignored. (I’m looking at you, TaeJin.)

This is the bias that develops when you’re only paying attention to one ship, and/or one specific ship conflict. It looks a little silly when we zoom out and realize that there are seven people who all have relationships with each other, and that the group dynamics affect how they relate.

Every ship tends to value its members’ interactions, Jikookers included. But our ships can also make us see content differently – more meaningfully or more suspiciously, depending on what we’re watching.

Does It Really Matter?

The most important question! And, perhaps predictably, my answer is a resounding no.

Mostly when I see these asks, my thought is, “Why?” I don’t feel the need to prove that JK touches Jimin more through normal skinship on camera.

We know BTS to be an incredibly close and tight-knit group. Their boundaries are very different than those between most friends and sometimes even family – particularly for Western audiences. They touch, a lot. And considering how stressful and isolating their lives must be, this is very healthy for them and I’m so glad they do it.

It’s already so hard to delineate meaning from how they touch, which is why most of the Jikook accounts I follow don’t use that as a measurement . It’s also why we don’t have to edit out or pretend certain moments of skinship with others don’t exist; because we don’t heavily rely on those things to confirm or deny our ship.

And that’s because there’s so much more going on with Jikook than skinship.

Their awareness of each other, the way they speak to each other, the way they hang out outside of work or group situations and then tell us about it, the car sharing, the purposeful spilling of small personal details like “Jungkook’s ears turn red when he’s being sincere” or “Jimin’s breath stinks in the morning”….

You start to get a much larger picture, and it’s one that isn’t so easily shaken by skinship or other relationship dynamics.

These actions sometimes get overlooked because they’re smaller and less overt. They’re also less visible for people who are looking for a more fictional expression of love and romance. But they're there, and they're very telling.

#jikook #kookm #discourse

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