#Best Vibration Plate for Weight Loss

[wazzappp]

ADA TIME

Given her very fun grapple mechanic and nature of weaving webs of plans to best benefit her, I thought a spider would be the obvious creepy crawly to base her off of!

The most obvious mutation is her secondary set of arms. These are extensions of the plagas limbs, similar to Ashley’s wings. UNLIKE Ashley’s wings though, these arms have bones (a loss for the crabs unfortunately). This is because they are VERY STRONG and capable of holding Ada (as well as others) body weight and this muscle needs a rigid structure to pull on. The keratin layers of her armor will help defend her from attacks but they aren’t a strong enough structure to constitute a real exoskeleton. They have 3 fingers and 1 thumb, and are less dextrous than Ada’s primary hands.

The claws and grooves in her fingers on both her primary and secondary hands are to help her keep hold of and manage her web. Her silk comes from spinnerets located on her mid back on either side of her spine. They house her silk glands, spinnerets, and muscular valve which allows her to control when web comes out. Spider silk at this thickness would be stronger than steel, and around 1/5th the weight! It clumps at the end to allow for easier throwing to other areas so she essentially has a natural grappling hook. She could also use it as a weapon, like a whip.

MOAR MANDIBLES. MOAR EYES. RAAAAAGHHHHHH.

Ada's primary eyes are the only ones with eyelids. Her secondary eyes located on her cheekbones and brow-bone always remain open. They greatly increase her awareness of her surroundings by widening her peripheral vision. Cant get snuck up on if you can see real far around you.

Her mandibles tuck into her mouth, just behind her teeth. They fit through a hole made in her teeth that was made by removing her top canine. To keep the appearance of a normal smile, she has a false tooth on the front of her first mandibular joint that fits where the original would be. These mandibles have venomous fangs at the ends that allow her to bite as self defense. There are flexible sections that allow for the mandibles to easily extend and retract in and out of her mouth comfortably (well. relatively comfortably).

Her general proportions are slightly elongated. Being stretched slightly at the joints. This applies to her primary arms and legs, which also have an armor plating to allow for more impactful kicks.

NOW. BEHAVIORAL CHANGES. Ada will feel most comfortable when resting on a web that she has woven. The high concentration of nerves on her fingertips allow her to sense any vibrations that may travel through her web, so she is always aware of any threat at any time. This also encourages her to become a more tactile person. Understanding the texture, shape, and temperature of something through touch will become very important to her understanding of the world.

[bodyboostbro]

Bodyboostbros.com is a Professional Fitness Platform. Here we will provide you only interesting content, which you will like very much. We’re dedicated to providing you the best of Fitness, with a focus on dependability and Fitness. We hope you enjoy our Fitness as much as we enjoy offering them to you.

In Bodyboostbros.com we discuss about:

Cardio Training & Fitness Technology, Cardio Training, Exercise Bikes, Rowers, Step Machines, Treadmills, Vibration Platform Machines, Exercise Machine Parts & Accessories, Exercise Machine Attachments, Treadmill Lubricants, Treadmill Replacement Parts, Fitness Technology, Activity & Fitness Trackers, App-Enabled Fitness Trackers, Heart Rate Monitors, Pedometers, Stopwatches, Clothing and Footwear, Clothing, Boys’ Activewear, Girls’ Activewear, Men’s Activewear, Women’s Activewear

Footwear, Men's Cross-Training Shoes, Women's Cross Training Shoes, Endurance & Energy, Candy & Mints, Chews & Gels, Herbals, Powders, Shots, Supplements, Sports Nutrition, Amino Acids, CLA, Electrolyte Replacements, Fat Burners, Healthy Snacks & Beverages, L-Carnitine, Post-Workout & Recovery, Pre-Workout, Protein, Testosterone Boosters, Weight Gainers, Weight Loss & Keto Diet Systems, Appetite Control & Suppressants, Weight Loss Supplements, 7-Keto Nutritional Supplements, Keto Diet Book, Diet Kits & Systems, Nutrition Bars & Drinks, Nutrition Bars, Ready to Drink Shakes, Exercise & Fitness Accessories, Aquatic Fitness Equipment, Battle Ropes, Exercise Gloves, Fitness Planners, Fitness Trampolines, Jump Ropes, Sauna Suits, Waist Trimmers

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Yoga Equipment, Women’s Yoga Clothing, Yoga Blocks, Yoga Foam Wedges, Yoga Mat Bags, Yoga Mat Straps, Yoga Mats, Yoga Meditation Benches, More Yoga Equipment, Yoga Sandbags, Yoga Silk Eye Bags, Yoga Starter Sets, Yoga Straps, Yoga Towels.

[edwardjo59]

Being fit is a wonderful addition to your life that can make you a happier and healthier person. Staying fit and healthy will not only make you look and feel better, but will also reduce your risk of health problems such as diabetes, heart attacks, high cholesterol and high blood pressure. There are many useful plans that, with dedication and ambition, can help you stay fit and healthier

Tips to keep fit

(fitness)

Keep some simple exercise...

Start walking, jogging, or cycling. Whatever the speed, walking, jogging and cycling are essential components of a healthy lifestyle, all activities that enable you to keep your muscles active and blood flowing. If you want to keep your knees strong or complain about some physical pain, cycling is your best option...

Drink plenty of water...

Showering after a workout...

A healthy, balanced diet complements the benefit of exercise...

Work out in the gym. If you like the atmosphere of gyms and are able to participate in one of them, then gyms are a great choice for keeping fit.

Use weights and machines to stimulate the heart muscle, but be careful not to use weights that are too heavy. Start with lower weights and soon enough, you'll discover that with exercise you'll be able to lift more weight in a very short period of time.

Learn strength training and muscle definition techniques from a professional

Due to time constraints and a lot of preoccupations, many people resort to the acquisition of sports equipment at home, in order to save time and the hassle of going to clubs and gyms. You may be confused a lot when choosing the right exercise equipment for you, so here are the best home gym equipment :

Fitbit Inspire 2 Health & Fitness Tracker with a Free 1-Year Fitbit Premium Trial, 24/7 Heart Rate, Black/Rose, One Size (S & L Bands Included

https://amzn.to/3fwBMxG

https://amzn.to/3LUaFc8

Natini Vibration Plate, Whole Body Vibration Platform Exercise Machine with Bluetooth Speaker, Home Fitness Equipment for Weight Loss & Toning(Jumbo Size)

Sunny Health & Fitness Essential Magnetic Upright Seated Elliptical

https://amzn.to/3RsHbmK

[aactg2002]

Top seven vibrating plate exercise machines 2022

Health is wealth- this proverb may have been heard by many, but only a few people try to maintain this proverb by exercising. Are you tired of doing exercise and still not getting specific weight loss? On that note, this article is going to help you. We will talk about some branded and best vibrating plate exercise machines to help you find the best one for yourself and make your body shaped and energetic. Before buying a machine, you need to understand the basic functions and specifications to understand the best one out of many.

Read More To Exercise Machines: https://myshopmaster.com/

[palaknote123]

Most Easiest Way To Make Bones Stronger: Olympic Athletes Technique

With the information out there about osteoporosis, everyone wants to know how to get stronger bones. It is a valid concern considering many older people struggle with osteoporosis. Everyone wants to live life to the full and age well so that they can keep enjoying life in their later years.

Bone density is one of the biggest concern of people getting older. After 30 we start losing bone density, so right steps should be taken after 30 only. The good news is that it is very simple. In this article, I will be telling you all about how to keep your bones healthy, including using a vibration plate which has benefits far beyond just bone health.  

How To Make Your Bones Stronger

The foundation of stronger bones starts very early. You should be taking right steps right now, to avoid the bent body down the road. The best way is a healthy diet and lifestyle. Start doing the following things to increase and maintain the health of your bones:  

Make sure you eat enough calcium. We need 1000 mg per day. Leafy green vegetables, Raw Milk, Fish  Sardine, Yogurt are my top choices as calcium sources,  so be sure to add them to your diet. You can lightly steam your greens to ensure better absorption of nutrients. Read here to find out about other sources of calcium.

If you choose to take a calcium supplement, make sure that it contains magnesium and vitamins D3 and K2 as well as these nutrients all work together for bone health and maximise absorption. Do not take more than 500 mg calcium at once. The doctors do this biggest mistake, prescribing 1000 mg in one tablet. I have written an extra article on calcium supplementation here.

Avoid processed foods and cut out or limit alcohol and soft drinks as these can cause bone loss over time or when used excessively. Following a more alkaline diet is also beneficial for bone health.

Weight-bearing and impact exercises. Resistance exercise using either weights or body weight strengthen your muscles to support your bones better. Impact exercises such as walking, jogging and climbing stairs strengthen your bones.

But, trust me this article is not about that. If I would have to repeat whats already written repeatedly over the net I would not have been writing this article.  

Conclusion

WBVT is one of the best and fastest ways to make bones stronger.

Improvements to strength and bone health are seen in as little as 8 minutes per day twice a week.

Stronger muscles improved blood circulation, and detoxing are some of the other benefits of WBVT.

WBVT is so effective that it's used by astronauts to restore bone density and muscle strength after being in space for long periods of time and athletes to increase strength and decrease injuries.

WBVT can be used by children as young as 12 years old to elderly people after receiving the go-ahead from a doctor.

WBVT can be used by those with health conditions like diabetes, cerebral palsy and osteoporosis to improve health.

You can do simple exercises on the vibration plate-like squats, lunges, shoulder presses and dumbbell rows to increase your strength.

👇 Read More  👇

https://bit.ly/3TMoA77  

[mainsminds]

Meta baseball bat

#Meta baseball bat pro#

#Meta baseball bat series#

#Meta baseball bat pro#

Premium LS Pro Comfort Grip™ for the perfect mix of tack and cushion.The Meta will be the three-piece and all-composite offering from Louisville Slugger and it features Slugger’s high quality and impressive EKO Composite. Louisville Slugger Meta BBCOR Baseball Bat: WBL2522010 Slugger is here with their 4th rendition of the Meta BBCOR bat and it is poised to hit rockets across high school and college baseball fields, just like its predecessors Bat Benefits This bat is built in Louisville Slugger's 3-piece design that incorporates (1) a composite barrel (2) a composite handle and (3) a connector piece. Balanced swing for the ultimate combination of speed and power. Back for its second go-around in the USSSA baseball ranks is the Louisville Slugger Meta And Slugger has built it with the trusted combination of materials that they know will launch baseballs.The one-piece build of Meta One delivers a stiffer feel and elite energy transfer on contact along with Meta’s signature balanced swing. Some people are still paying 700+ for the 2019 Meta Prime, so we wanted to bri. Built for young players in search of a lightweight feel, the 2022 Meta One (-12) USSSA Baseball Bat from Louisville Slugger introduces Meta’s EKO Composite barrel in an ultralight one-piece construction. Premium GT1™ enc cap maximizes barrel length and swing speed. The Bat Bros bring out the 3 generations of the META from Louisville Slugger. Built with the optimum synergy between power and speed, the 2022 USSSA Meta (-8) Baseball Bat from Louisville Slugger delivers an ultra-balanced swing for.Three-piece design featuring VCX2™ Vibration Control Connection System, a patented elastomeric connection that allows independent movement between the barrel and the handle to control vibration and provide unmatched feel on contact. The bat that has transformed the BBCOR game now joins the Louisville Slugger Senior League lineup for the first time.EKO™ Composite Barrel – engineered to the pinnacle of performance light swinging, large barrel profile and optimized sweet spot.Physiological Arousal, and Prosocial Behavior: A Meta-Analytical Review of.

#Meta baseball bat series#

The Subway Series has renewed once again on Monday night as the Yankees and Mets met for some Monday night baseball. Faux steering wheels used to drive racing cars, golf clubs, baseball bats. The GT1™ end cap maximizes barrel length and swing speed to put the finishing touch on a best-in-class bat. Mets Bats Quieted In 4-2 Loss to Yankees. Canha flips bat in spectacular fashion after putting Mets up in 9th. The three-piece construction of Meta SL features our patented VCX2™ Connection System to control vibration and pair the handle with our enormous barrel. Visit ESPN to view the latest New York Mets news, scores, stats, standings, rumors. A year after making its USSSA debut, Meta returns with the light swinging EKO™ composite barrel to offer unmatched sound along with the perfect balance of performance and feel. Product Features: -3 Length to Weight Ratio. Much like Louisville Slugger bats such as the Meta Prime and Meta PWR, the 2020 Meta BBCOR lives up to its sturdy reputation. The 2021 Louisville Slugger Meta has a -3 length to weight ratio, 2 5/8 inch barrel diameter, balanced swing weighting, and is approved in BBCOR Sanctioned Leagues and Tournaments. The composite construction affords durability. A year after making its USSSA debut, Meta returns with the light swinging EKO composite barrel to offer unmatched sound along with the perfect balance of performance and feel. My preferred spec on this bat is a Stage 1 shave and roll with polymer. Step up to the plate with the Louisville Slugger Adults Meta SL 2022 Senior League Baseball Bat (-8). We maximized the barrel length with the Premium GT1™ End Cap, putting the finishing touches on one of our highest-performing bats ever.Built with the optimum synergy between power and speed, the 2022 USSSA Meta (-8) Baseball Bat from Louisville Slugger delivers an ultra-balanced swing for travel ball players transitioning between (-10) and (-5). Built with the optimum synergy between power and speed, the 2022 USSSA Meta (-10) Baseball Bat from Louisville Slugger delivers a light, balanced swing for young travel ball players. The three-piece construction is centered around our patented 3FX™ Connection System that gives you a stiff feel on contact that pairs perfectly with this bat’s monstrous sweet spot. The game-changing EKO™ composite barrel delivers a sound unlike anything in the game, delivering the perfect balance of performance and feel. The 2022 Louisville Slugger Meta BBCOR baseball bat is a two-piece bat so it is a great fit for all hitters but especially for hitters that do it all at the. Built for power, the 2022 Meta (-3) BBCOR Bat from Louisville Slugger is back for more.

[sporadiccreationpersona]

[darthwheezely]

Okay so BY NO MEANS DO YOU HAVE TO WRITE THIS IF YOU AREN'T UP FOR IT!!! BUT- can you write something where Jimmy holds the reader down and just overstimulates them with his fingers and whenever it gets too much he kind of teases them about it (in like a sweet way but still not stopping). IDK- it's a hot thought if you're up for it!!! AGAIN YOU DON'T HAVE TO IF YOU DON'T WANT TO! Thank you and I hope you have a wonderful night/day💗💗

Finger Lickin’ Good - Jimmy Darling x Reader

Jimmy’s way too pent up to let those beautiful hands of his go to waste...

Warnings: NSFW/18+, if you’re a minor plEASE do not interact w this I know you wanna be spicy but sis please do not, okay? cussing probably, soft dom!Jimmy, possibly awful writing, my kink for Jimmy’s hands and heart and body and mind and-

a/n: lindsey, miss ma’am, you literally know i’m a whore for this man and besides, you could request the most whack shit and i would still prolly write it if only to see your reaction ajsjsjs

To say that Jimmy’s balls were blue was an absolute understatement. The man was honestly lucky enough to have balls at the rate (or rather, lack of) things were going. You and Jimmy’s sex life was always - well something neither of you ever needed to worry about, but lately with Elsa running around covering all her legal bases, she had sent everyone in a frenzy.

Unfortunately for you two this meant less than satisfactory time together. It was always something. And to be quite honest, Jimmy didn’t know if he could go another two weeks without touching you. And to make matters worse he knew you weren’t making it any easier.

It started with little things, light touches on his shoulders, something usual in your relationship. Then jaw kisses before going onstage. Then wearing The Dress.

Yes. That dress. The a-line that managed to not only show off a small but still good amount of cleavage, the waistline elastic bow on the back sinking into where your elevated waist hit naturally, and the worst? It was white. Jimmy had a thing for you in white.

That morning he couldn’t take it anymore. I mean, clearly, you wanted to act that dirty with him knowing he couldn’t touch you, right? So what was he gonna do about it? 

He was gonna show you exactly who had the upper hand.

*your POV uwu*

You would never say it out loud, but you only wore The Dress for days exactly like this: to torture your boyfriend. And honestly? You didn’t think you could go a day without imagining those intensely gifted fingers on (or in) you for another goddamn hour. But you also couldn’t say that.

So you had decided that morning to show him instead - he always was a visual learner...

You had been talking to Evie and eating your plate of bacon and hashbrowns when you felt two large, calloused hands collapse on your shoulder blades.

“Evie, mind if I steal the lady away for a second?” He drawled lowly. The way he said it combined with the weight of his hands on your body hit your core instantly.

Eve rolled her eyes, smirking. “If ‘a second’ is all it’ll take.” You smiled tightly at her as you allowed your boyfriend to guide you, albeit rather roughly, back to the van. Immediately as you got inside he pushed you up against the fridge and you winced from the pain.

“Jimmy, what the-” He stopped you with his mouth on yours, open and hungry, his hands working up the back of your thighs, causing a moan to erupt from you on impact into his mouth.

“You knew exactly what you were doing to me out there, and you thought it was a fuckin’ okay idea to tease me?” He lowered his mouth to your earlobe and downward, light nibbles on hot skin turning to harsh bites. You could feel his fully hardened cock against your heat and you wanted more than ANYTHING for those jeans to be off his body.

“I-I’m sorry, baby I just thought you’d li- oh fuck, Jimmy” You gasped, as he’d found that place right above your collar bone that (as he came to found out) was one of the most sensitive spots on your torso. Smirking against your skin, he traced the area with open mouthed kisses and began to bite again, leaving you attempting to stifle breathy high pitched whines.

“What was that, babydoll?” His hands picked up your thighs and brought your legs around his waist, pressing you harder against the fridge.

“I said I’m sorry” you gasped, pained by the feeling and the need for him. He smirked, bringing his thumb up to your chin and kneading it lightly.

“Aw, princess, I’m not mad at you. But the way I see it is that I’m gonna split that sweet little pussy of yours open with these-” he dragged his two fore fingers across your bruised collar bone, and looked back up at you.

“-and then you’re going to come so hard you can’t breathe. Sound good, baby?” He smiled softly at you. You bit your lip to hold back a moan and did your best to nod without moving any part of his body out of place. He chuckled watching you, and without a moments notice lifted you with toned tensed biceps and carried you to the bed, an array of heavy kisses being exchanged on the journey.

He dropped you on the bed watching as your breasts moved from the impact and groaned at the sight. He looked into your bright/dark eyes and flipped the lower half up, breath hitching in his throat. God, was he the luckiest fucker this side of the Mississippi. 

“Jesus, baby, you’re so goddamn beautiful,” he breathed, a dopey smile plastered on his face as he attacked you with kisses on your face, making you giggle at his soft demeanor.

“For someone so mad a second ago you seem to suddenly be pretty forgiving,” you laughed.

“I can still be mad but have eyes, Y/N, don’t get your panties in a twist” he scoffed, smiling into the crook of your neck.

“Oh, so I still get to keep my panties on by the end of this little argument?” You purred dragging your hands slowly down the back of his white tank top, barely touching him. And just like that, he was back to the state he was before. Instantly, he sat up and unbuckled his jeans, taking the brown belt in his hands he forced your wrists onto the headboard. 

“Now, just when did I say that?” He growled, tightening the hold on the belt. You knew your wrists would be raw as hell after however long this escapade took but strangely enough - that only got you more slick.

“JImmy, please” you whimpered, pleading with his whiskey eyes. He leaned back on his knees and began to slowly creep his tough and warm hands up and down your legs, inching his perfect fingers to your thighs at an agonizingly slow pace. 

“Angel,” he purred “you know I can’t help you if you don’t use your words.” You moaned at the idea of his fingers getting closer to where you needed them, tugging on the belt but forgetting (this bastard-)

“JImmy, please gimme”

“Give you what, baby? Tell me what you need, yeah?” He slid his fingers right outside of your clothed core and gently kneaded the skin there, pushing lightly, sending your back upward as you let out a loud moan.

“Jimmy, please, give me your fingers” you pushed out. He bit his lip at the sight of you, red faced, needy, and ready to be torn apart. His breath hitched as he slid two fingers inside you, not being able to tease you for very much longer. He needed you to come apart, to be unraveled as soon as possible - but not without a price.

“There you go” he whispered roughly, his fingers working against you the way you needed them to. You felt like your core was getting pried apart and hearing his fingers only sink deeper into your heat made you even more wet. He moved his fingers in you faster once he was completely in you, and started to jut his hips toward you involuntarily as he imagined how you would feel around his cock since it’d been so long-

“God, you’re so tight for me, Y/N, fuck” he choked out harshly, ghosting his thumb over your clit, tracing circles where you needed it. “Almost like this pussy was made for me, isn’t it baby?”

The sudden gentleness, however, retreated as fast as it arrived, as he picked up the pace, curling his fore fingers in you at an iron-hot speed. You felt your wrists becoming rawer and rawer by the second as your body strained for release to touch him, to imagine feeling your hands clawing his back and feverishly running your fingers through his coiffed hair. You screamed out harshly as he found your most sensitive point. You felt the white hot tension in your stomach as you approached your release.

“JIm, baby, please I’m-I’m so-” and then you felt him pull his fingers out, whining at the loss of contact. He cocked his head at you, eyeing you up and down biting his lip.

“You always want things, so easy, lovebug,” he said softly. Leaning all the way back so he returned to his knees at the edge of the bed. He pulled his shirt off and started to unbutton his pants, his fully erect cock straining against his boxers. You drooled at the sight of him almost completely naked. 

He dipped his head once he knew you were calmed down enough, pressing sloppy kisses on your calves up to the lower part of your thighs. He hitched a leg up on his shoulder, looking up at you first for consent and licking a stripe up your folds. 

“You taste as good as you look, little girl” he growled against you, the vibrations sending your head flying backward a squeak erupting from your lips. 

“Should I taste more of you? I don’t know if you deserve it little girl. You looked like you wanted one of the boys to take a turn with you before me. Or did you act like a whore today all for me?” he bit your inner thigh lightly, sucking on the skin there like it was gold. You cried out hoarsely, desperately pulling on his hair.

“Only for you, Jim, I promise” you feel him smirk against you as he began sucking onto your sensitive bud, your arousal building in your stomach like a fire pit. His fingers continuing to work against you as you felt release inching nearer again.

“Please, Jimmy, please” his tongue curling pressure where you needed him, the weight of him against you pooling what felt like everywhere in your system.

“Go on, honey, go on and come for me and tell me who this pussy belongs to” he pressed your hips to the bed as you cried out his name in release of everything he’d done to you.

“Jimmy, that was-“

“Good? Don’t sound so surprised” he teased softly winking up at you. His hand slid to the back of your dress, dancing along the zipper.

“But you didn’t think you were done here, did you, little girl?”

[sylvain-writes]

If We Say the Words (Raphael x Reader)

Rated: G Gender Neutral Reader, friends to lovers, pining, affection, confessing feelings You and Raphael have been 'dating' but not really. It's finally time to confront your feelings, if only Raphael would make his move. for @bppeny32

Raphael's arm brushes yours as you approach your door, rough and solid and perfect. You hold yourself back from linking your arm with his and leaning in, but the fantasy niggles at the back of your mind. 

Your discussion has turned animated as you playfully argue whose Mandarin was better when you'd practiced with Meili at her family's restaurant during dinner. While Raphael was the clear winner last week at Omatsu, you think you've pulled out a win tonight. 

"Admit defeat,  Raph,” you tease, switching to walk backwards. You poke his chest to make your point known. “I saw you pretending to like the peanut noodles. You could have told her you messed up your order." 

You give him a playful shove that does nothing to alter his stride, and it’s really just an excuse to touch him again.

He pretends the overcast sky is the most interesting thing he’s seen all night, but then gives you a sideways glance and a twisted scowl that has you in stitches. 

"Still a sore loser, huh?" You pivot to face front as you approach your townhouse. The steps are slick with wet fallen leaves, and as you lead the climb, Raphael steadies you with hands on your waist. 

"Sore?," he says, "Wouldn't know." You wonder how he's so unaffected by the touch that’s left you breathless.  “I neva lose." The soft light of the streetlamp gives his eyes a mischievous twinkle.

"Oh, come on!" You give him a slap on the stomach before fishing for your keys. "You're coming in, right?"

Raphael tips his head with a grin, poised to say yes, when his pocket starts to ring. He lifts the phone to his ear with a gruff, "Hello," and a voice speaks immediately over the line.

Raphael meets your eyes. You smile, but he turns away. 

He grunts into the phone, trying to mask his frustration with short answers and a tight jaw.  But it bleeds through his protests. 

You slide your hand up the curve of his shell in silent support of whatever he's going through. The clench and release pattern of the free hand at his side gives away his struggle to keep his even tone. You're proud of him for not losing his cool.

Abruptly, the conversation comes to an end. Raphael turns, his bulk and stature smaller somehow as he rounds his shoulders and dips his head low. He gives you a soft, despondent look before dropping his gaze to where your hands are linked. You don’t remember reaching out for him. You cover Raphael's hand as it flexes and turns.

When his eyes meet yours again, they're searching. Intense, and wide, and needful. Raphael stares and you take the smallest step forward. But instead of coming closer, Raphael lets his hand fall from your grasp.

"That was Leo," he says, telling you what you already know.

"Ok." Your short nod is a familiar one. Just as his goodbye will be. 

"Mikey found a lead. I gotta go."

You think maybe tonight’s goodbye hurts more than the others. 

You barely register the lonely walk up the stairwell. By the time you reach your floor, you know Raphael is already sprinting across town by the rooftops. 

Your palm is hot with the memory of holding his hand. With the texture of his shell under your touch. Your fist curls around the phantom sensations regardless of how silly it is to think you can hold onto the feelings forever. 

You can’t help but sigh with want for the loss of him. For the loss of the kiss that seemed a hair's breadth away before Raphael's hand dropped from yours. 

It would have softened the goodbye; it would have been a sign. It would have been a long time coming. With a heavy heart, you think, It'll be a long time still. 

You can't force Raphael to move faster than he's willing to go. And if he's not comfortable, if he doesn't feel safe exploring the feelings you both clearly share, then you'll go at his pace. You’ll follow his lead. Quietly you admit to yourself, you’ll follow him anywhere.

You've been spending more and more time together. And now it seems like you have a standing dinner date for Tuesday nights. No, not a date. Dinner and movies and moonlit walks. Stargazing and late night phone calls. Family game nights and music exchanges. But no dates. Right. You're not dating.

And when you stand close or choose the seats closest to each other, when your heart leaps into your throat at his texts and your breath catches in your chest at each compliment, when his face lights up the moment he's caught sight of you, that's not a testament to your mutual attraction.

You flirt and you touch and everyone says that one day you'll be more than friends, but each day that passes without Raph taking the next step leaves you feeling like maybe everyone's imagining it all. 

Yawning and trying not to think about how your loneliness feels heavier tonight, you flick off the light in the hallway and walk into your bedroom. 

You're too focused on the drawstring tie of your pajama bottoms to notice the large form seated at your window. But once you look up, there's no way you can miss Raphael's imposing figure. 

Only, he doesn't look intimidating at all. In fact, he looks smaller than he's ever seemed. And it's not that he's lost bulk.  No, it’s the way he stoops and curls in on himself, as if afraid to take up too much space. And it breaks your heart to see your boisterous, confident warrior like this twice in a night.

"Raph?"

He grinds his fist into his palm, refusing to meet your eye. "I'm always cuttin' out." It's an apology and an accusation against himself rolled into one.

"It's ok."

"Naw, it ain't. Ya deserve so much better than that." His accent is heavier than usual; his voice thick with emotions you can tell he’s holding back.

You let what he says hang, afraid anything said to the contrary might incite an argument. It would be so easy to fall into the trap, so easy to say the wrong thing and push him away. So, you draw him closer instead. 

"You must be tired," you acknowledge delicately. "I know I'm beat, and I wasn't the one running all over the city chasin-"

He holds up a hand to stop you from going further. He doesn't like to drag you into the mess of what's going on. Foot soldiers were one thing. But since the aliens and mutants started popping up, he’s tried to shelter you from whatever the News doesn't cover.

"Come on," you say, climbing onto the bed. You don't direct him to lie with you, you don't ask for a cuddle. But the request is implicit. Even if these are things the two of you don't ask for out loud.

When he sits against the headboard, you slide into place as you've done dozens of times before. The weight of his arm curls around you, a shelter and a shield. Your head and hand fall gently to his chest and he lies back with a quiet sigh. 

You draw circles over his heart, following the swirling pattern of his plated plastron and perhaps this would be the time when other couples open their hearts and talk about their feelings. But you don’t expect that from Raphael. Not when words are so difficult. 

When emotions run high, he lies low. And you have always taken Raphael - you've always loved him - as he is. 

It's a long while of silence. But it's comfortable and sweet. 

You gather every minute. Clutch them tight. Cherish them. It sometimes feels like you steal these moments from his hectic life. You don't take a second for granted.

His blunt fingertip follows the shell of your ear and your heart skips with the yet unspoken affection between you. He stops at your earlobe, offering slight pressure. Distracted by his thoughts, he rubs the soft flesh between his thumb and forefinger. 

Raphael draws in a deep breath and the shift in his pattern has your full attention. 

"What if..." Raphael starts and stops. His voice sinks into the space between you, rough and broken. "What if we were doin' this for real?" 

Hearing him struggle for words, you hate to ask for clarification. “This?"

Raphael's breath hitches and you swallow hard to push down your rising nervousness. "You and me. But, y'know..."

"For real," you finish his thought.

"Yeah.” His focus is on the delicate curve of your ear, the slope of your neck, anywhere but your eyes.  “Know I ain't good enough,” he says and gives a small grunt to clear his throat from shaking.  “Know I'm always gone or leavin'. But when I'm not, I wanna be here."

You tuck your chin and rest your forehead on his chest. Your 'yes' sounds more like a whimper than a word; you're not sure Raphael heard it for what it is. 

His words burrow into your heart, and the muscle aches as if his confession has expanded the muscle.

You confess more clearly, "I want you here," and your arms encircle him as best they can and squeeze. 

Raphael combs his fingers through your hair. He pets and waits, and you lift your gaze to his.

His green eyes shine, catching the glow of the bedside lamp. "...That mean we're doing this thing?” Hope tremors through his chest and your palm tingles with the vibration. “Cause I been wanting to kiss ya."

You crawl up beside him and plant a little kiss on his cheek. His skin grows warm and dark. Then, with a hand on his neck, you coax him to turn for more. The kiss is natural and safe. It feels like home, with the excitement of a favorite holiday. Your heart flutters and flips. You smile against Raphael's lips.

When his phone interrupts your night again, you kiss his cheek and settle back on the pillows to allow him room to answer the call. 

“Leo?” Raphael relaxes immediately, then flushes dark, and gives a nervous chuckle.

Your smile returns easily. Watching Raphael’s relationship with Leo evolve has been a warm thrill for everyone who knows them. 

“Yeah, I did.” Raphael answers Leo, and his hand sneaks toward you over the mattress. Though still wrapped up in the call, he hooks a finger over yours and smiles. “Yeah, I am.”

Raphael gives a contented grunt before tugging you close. You can hear Leo on the line as the pair of brothers exchange goodbyes.

“...happy for you, Raph,” Leo says and you blush at the approval. “I’m proud of you.”

Raphael stills in your embrace, unable to respond to his older brother's praise. Leo is understanding; he ends the call and Raph sets the phone aside without a word. 

You cup Raphael's face and look into his eyes. You take your time, gazing down at him in a way you felt hasn’t been your right or privilege until now. “Thank you,” you whisper. 

“Didn’t do nothin’,” Raphael mumbles humbly, his eyes transfixed on you. 

But you know the truth of it now. Going to Leo for support, for help, still doesn’t come easily for Raph, despite the closeness they’ve gained. And if Leo is checking in, asking about you, then Raphael must have confided in him. Trusted him with his vulnerability.

You give Raphael a soft shake of your head and a firm kiss on the lips. "Wasn't nothing." 

With your nose nuzzled against his, you tell him again. Because there are more words to be said - more you'd like for him to hear, and believe, and maybe one day say back. But today you'll start with this. 

[awhiskeyriver]

Hi friend!! Hope you are safe, and hope you get some insp to write again❤️ Maybe the scene right after their first kiss? Love you❤️

An anon also requested the scene post-finding out about the bet and losing the football game and so these two sort of coincide together. Hopefully this fits your request friend! Love you too!<3

+++

The locker room lacked the natural cheer and comradery it usually held on game day. Win or lose, we were a pretty solid team and typically good sports, but it felt different this time.

   Our winning streak of the season was officially over. To make it worse, we’d lost on our own turf.

   “We’re still doing better than last season.” Finnick tried to keep spirits up, but among us there was the overall stench of defeat.

   I stripped off my jersey and threw it into the hamper, eager to shower and change so I could go back to the apartment. The weight of the loss was resting on my shoulders. I knew I was at the heart of the problem that translated onto the field today.

   All anyone could talk about this morning was the party last night. Specifically, the video that was being shared all over Instagram from it, starring Katniss Everdeen and I.

   After her friend walked in on Katniss and I...and everything happened...I left the party with the excuse to the guys that I wasn’t feeling well. It wasn’t a lie, I felt like I was moments away from puking. They let me go without protest, not wanting to be responsible for me being sick at the game, and I’d driven home, turned my phone off and gone straight to bed.

   It wasn’t uncommon for me to leave my phone off on game days. It was easier to keep focused, tune out the needless distraction of text messages and social media, so I hadn’t found out about the video until some of my teammates showed me in the locker room.

   Thirty minutes before kick off.

   The horrible timing had a rippled effect, causing me to play my worst game of the season and give people even more reasons to talk.

   “Mellark.”

   Coach’s dominating voice vibrated off the walls, making his presence known before he was visible. I cringed inwardly, muscles tight. Hearing your name called fresh after a lose was never good.

   I ran a hand over my sweaty scalp as he came into view.

   “Yes, Coach?”

   “My office in ten.”

    My stomach knotted. Really not good. 

    If coach saw skepticism in my eyes, he ignored it. Everyone waited until he’d left the locker room to resume talking. I tossed my helmet into its shelf, right above the slot where my last name was scripted in gold-plated font.

    Finnick, who’s bench was beside mine wrapped a towel around his waist before turning towards me.

    “What’s that about?”

    “No idea.”

    “You don’t think it’s…” he trailed off, but the unspoken words clung to the air. I met his concerned frown with one of my own, hoping, praying Coach wasn’t calling me up to his office to discuss that.

    “It’s probably just about the sack I didn’t block,” I muttered, just in time for Cato to chime in.

    “Which one?”

    I ignored him, debating if it was worth it to just go up and talk to coach now and shower back at the apartment alone. Quickly, I ruled the idea out. Couldn’t go up to his office smelling.

    “Maybe he’s calling you up to discuss the fact that this is a men’s football team and you, apparently, have a pussy.”

     He went to smack my crotch but I grabbed his hand, shoving him away before he had the opportunity.

    “That would explain why you can’t seem to keep your hands off of him,” Finnick retorted cooly, earning a disgusted grunt from Cato.

    “Dude, not cool.”

    Finnick shrugged.

    “I’m just saying maybe if he had a set of balls, hot girls would actually want to fuck him instead of just pretending to for money.”

    I could feel Finnick gearing up for a retort, but held a hand out to stop him. Last thing I needed was someone else fighting my battles for me. What would that prove other than the fact that Cato was right? But, there was no point in getting into it with someone like him. He was trying to get a rise out of me so he could laugh and make more jokes when I reacted. Like, tell me to get my estrogen levels checked or ask if I was PMSing. Idiot.

    I showered quickly and changed into street clothes before heading up to coach’s office. Nerves twisted my stomach as I approached his ajar door and gave it a quick knock.

    “Come in.”

    His face was buried into his computer, typing furiously with half-squinted eyes that focused hard on his task. His desk was littered with football knick-knacks and sticky notes. Behind him were plaques in numerical order for awards the team had won over the years and he had a cabinet off to the side of the office that hosted an array of trophies.

    I pulled a chair out from the other side of his desk and sat down, waiting. After hours of being on the field, it felt nice to sit for a moment.

    He finished whatever he was typing and took a deep breath before pulling his glasses off his face.

    “You know why you’re here, kid?”

    I wracked my brain, mulling over all the possible reasons. I decided to test the waters by trying out the easiest.

    “Because I missed the tackle in the third quarter? I think I figured out my mistake. If I just--”

    “I didn’t call you up here to talk football, Mellark.”

     My frown deepened.

    “Oh?”

    Coach sighed, folding his hands together. “Were you at a party last night?”

    Shit. Shit. Immediately I knew where this was going and it was no place I wanted to be. Already, I could feel my skin flushing with embarrassment...made worse by the fact that the guys had basically guessed this conversation down in the locker room.

    If it were possible to dissolve into the floor, now would be a great time to do it.

    I nodded, not trusting myself to speak, and ran my sweaty hands down the length of my pants.

    Coach seemed just as awkward as I felt. He scrubbed a hand over his bristled jaw line as we regarded each other silently.

    “The party,” he finally continued. “Anything happen? Any sort of...altercations?”

    I suppressed a groan, wishing he would just come out and say it so I didn’t have to.

    “Not really.”

    “Not really?” he parroted, looking skeptical. I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable. “You’re sticking with that answer? Because I’ve heard otherwise. In fact, lots of people around campus have.”

    I swallowed. There was no way to deny it.

     “You...wanna talk about it?”

    It being the video, undoubtedly.

    It was far from the first time I’d been made fun of. Middle school had basically been hell; I stood several inches above everyone else and was twice as wide, which made for a host of comments and jokes at my expense. High school had been a little better, by then I was playing football and was able to deflect most of the jokes being made at me to those being made with me. 

    But College had been the best change of pace. Away from all the people I’d grown up with and knew too well in Virginia. I supposed it had been too much to wish the fluidity of my past two years could last.

    “Not especially,” I sighed, in answer to Coach’s question.

    “Okay.” He cleared his throat. “Just so you know, that kind of behavior isn’t permitted on campus, and technically that party was on campus. If you were wanting to press charges--”

    Charges? This was getting out of control.

    “What? No,” I said quickly with a wave of my hand. “I don’t want to do anything. I just...want this to not be happening.”

    It was like a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from.

    Coach nodded in agreement.

    “Well...if you change your mind or need to talk about it all--”

     “I don’t.”

    “Right. But if you do...”

    I nodded, staring down at my lap, waiting with growing impatience for him to dismiss me.

    “That’s all, then.”

    I stood up in an instant and gathered my bag, heading for the door.

    “Mellark,” he called, bringing me up short. I paused, but didn’t turn to look. “Don’t get stupid and start eating salads and shit. Can’t have you dropping weight in the middle of the season.”

[kamii393]

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[themeed]

damn allowed myself to want things for a day and all i want is a van to live in, knowledge, freedom, weight loss, and a bass guitar.

im. happy with that i think. im proud of me, no jokes. im proud of being able to want things and care about them and vibrate towards them with longing. im... pleased with that. its fulfilling in a way Not Wanting For Anything isnt, because thats... kinda hollow. empty. in a vacant, lonely, yearning and grieving and SAD way. maybe because i Couldnt Want then. i Couldnt Desire or it would be used against me or taken away. that sucks. that sucked.

and now. im free to want again. and comparatively???? i think im very much never going to aim for buddhism or that weird Not Desiring Not Attached Nirvana mindset. like good for u but been there out of trauma and its not fun theres no reason to truly Live. u just float endlessly and experience and it aches so badly!!!! it hurts to want to want and not be able to. and i guess that is different from not wanting at all but... its not different enough for me to justify ever going back to that. or going forward to that. i just got this back and screw enlightenment if it means i have to give up on my passions i dont think life is worth living without it.

and anybody who looks down on that from a spiritual tower has yet to examine their own pride and how empty they feel without it.

anybody who looks down and smiles and wishes me luck on my journey? good for them. im glad theyre living their best life, on their journey as they see fit.

and i feel the need to protect myself because ive been hurt by the pride- the arrogance of others before. a lot of my hurts and traumas stem from my mother being too prideful to recognize that she can be wrong and someone under her power could be correct over her. and it was an uncomfortable truth. so she denied it was one at all and hurt me. i know the reason could be elaborated on. she didnt want to confront her own internal logic. or trauma. or even doublethink. that doesnt excuse her hurting a child for the sake of her sense of pride, of comfort, of self-worth. a child under her power, that she claimed to be parent of. teacher of.

not owing anyone anything is not the same as not hurting anyone. i havent reconciled that yet. oppressors should be held accountable for their mistakes, and give reparations if the harm is physical at LEAST. and i think that applies to politics, yes. privately though? if i beat up a nazi, i dont want to pay for his hospital bills. my personal philosophy struggles between equating people and ideas as a worth measurement, and realizing that that line of thinking is... similar to oppressors. but. its based on something people can change. the question is, do i think "if given the opportunity" is a good enough reason to stop and question a racist that runs their mouth? and do i think pre-emptive violence is okay? if say, a nazi walks into a bar and doesnt say anything but is wearing all the red flags and bells and whistles. i dont think that justifies a beatdown. being asked to leave, sure, but the beatdown doesnt start til the first remark flies.

once the intent is given OR the action is taken, the line is drawn. doesnt matter if they Havent Had The Chance. if theyre starting shit outside of debate spaces like that, and not, say, asking questions, theyre not looking for new perspectives, and it is NOT my job to educate people. its not my job to Show People The Light. a quick fucking google search could tell them why theyre wrong. if they havent put even the most basic energy into questioning their beliefs, thats on them.

it sounds like im trying to absolve myself of blame here. largely because. i think i should go out and help educate people because theyre inherently complacent if theyre, yknow, in a position of power. aka white folk and men and rich folk and cis folk and on and on and on. these people dont live my reality. they dont live the reality of a gay black man in the south, or a genderqueer lesbian in the west, or an indigenous woman whose nation is being targeted, or a muslim woman who cannot wear her headcoverings in the face of danger of death, or an asian immigrant who cant get a job because of COVD age discrimination resurging. we will never live each others realities, but we can become aware of them.

they wont come into awareness without someone asking or telling, and then doing something to change them.

we shouldnt need to go running to people in power for them to be aware of problems in the populace, govt is supposed to help and solve issues like this. like. actively. thats the whole point, make life better for the countrys citizens. and individuals in a position of social power...

are individuals who didnt take on a responsibility to protect and serve or otherwise care for the populace of a nation. i personally think they SHOULD care, but they are not obligated to. i cant make them care about others.

and honestly, on some of them, it would be a waste of time. there are people who want to change or question things and yknow what? they seek out answers. in people or places or online usually. stats and stories.

so like. i dont think someones Potential as a person matters when theres a throwdown about to happen. it really isnt my responsibility to save people from themselves or try to change their sides against their will. if they want to chat about it they can ask questions first.

not throw insults or punches or hatred.

what people have been taught is worth analyzing and trying to correct IN SOCIETY but i cant fix every broken white boy that comes to me. PSAs, fliers, outreach, online videos, debate spaces. those are things i already have access to and can be a part of if i really want to go around changing minds. or yknow. get involved in legislation and be myself around others to change their perceptions of whats socially acceptable or normal. maybe protest, maybe call congressfolk, etc.

but not every comment has to be analyzed or a learning opportunity. im allowed to shut it down, and people can respect that or stop talking to me. this isnt my parents house where i had to justify everything that i said or did when scrutinized, and doubly justify any criticism i had of mother, or any joke i frowned at instead of smiling.

these people dont have that power over me. they arent my mother. they arent my boss, and if they are i can fuck off and get a new job if necessary. they dont have financial control over my living space and food and schooling and physical control of where i can go and with who and for how long. I CONTROL THAT. I do.

Huh. maybe thats why i want a van so bad. i mean... when this lease ends if nobody is gonna end up living with me...

i could just... live in my car and shower at truck stops. get a storage unit for my stuff. save by driving jobs. like 40 to 60 a day. tear out my cars back, insulate it, and install my mattress pad there. water on the floor, cooler next to it, wooden cutting coard, knife, single camping plateware set, and another little shelf for spices. maybe a hot plate i can hook up to the car battery? get a long enough usb and it might be doable. i could go camping and open the trunk to just... vibe.

because yeah, honestly? i dont plan on having a solid apartment for a bit. like a long bit. and i still have like 70000 miles on my car before itll want to go. and by that point, even at like 100 miles a day, thats like 2 years, less if i go cross country in that vehicle. i could save up SO MUCH for a better vehicle, or like. college. live on campus, get some credit, continue working after i figure out want i want to do.

i think thats a solid plan, even if i dont get another apartment and put everything in storage. work as i need to instead of all the time for rent, really only paying for gas, car repairs, car ins, food, and phone data/hotspot internet... that would bring my monthly expenses down to like 500 a month max instead of like 1400. id only need to make some 1000 a month doing contract stuff to save for taxes and stuff. anything extra would be just that: extra for savings and things. holy shit.

depending on how this next month goes for my friends, holy s h i t.

i. i might do this. legitimately.

i. dont think i can yet. i need proof of address to get my license im pretty sure? but hey, thatll be my 21st this year, so. once i have that i wont need a new address for a While. i dont know if ill want one, really.

i could always just ask a friend or family member if i could use theirs for mail that cant go to a PO box.

anyway. yeah. wow.

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[psychedelic-ink]

Hidden by a smile

Believe me or not, I did as Law said; I didn’t try working out in secret, I didn’t try to look for something to do around the ship, in fact, I did nothing that would count as exertion at all. I walked around the ship, exploring the space – gosh, I did a lot of walking – saw Jean Bart move the shelves back into Law’s office and felt a bit guilty, so I hurried my step, I swear I stood in front of a window for hours just watching the underwater view. I also went to check on Bepo just before lunch, he was still out…

Shachi and Penguin called me over to sit with them at the mess hall. They were really nice guys and told me that Ikkaku – that they knew I was looking for – had her work cut out for her after the fight and she wouldn’t be leaving it until it was done. I also noticed Law’s absence but didn’t voice it, figuring that, as the captain, he could just eat later. We talked through lunch, the boys were alright, asked me about my crew and if I had a boyfriend – I assured them they had no chance – I was never the kind of girl that daydreams about a boy. My daydreams were about the ocean, the tides and all the mysteries they held. Still, Shachi and Penguin were fun to hang out with.

I was a bit lost in conversation when I see something that has me drop my fork and run for the door. Standing there, alive and well was a friendly face I wouldn’t soon forget “JIMBEI!” I called out just as I jump to hug him.

He hugs me back and laughs “Luna! It’s so good to know that you’re alright!” he said and I felt his voice vibrating through his big chest “When I visited your brother, I was worried for you, but Trafalgar said you might be here.”

I pulled away to look at him “I didn’t even know you were here! I thought you might’ve gone with the Whitebeard Pirates!”

“No, after I got away from Admiral Akainu, this pirate with a big red nose caught all three of us and I’m afraid I lost consciousness at around that time.” He replied.

As I let myself fall back to the ground, I noticed that he was also wrapped up in bandages “Did you get hurt?! What happened?! Are you ok?!”

He took his big hands and placed them on my shoulders, smiling kindly but I was worried, could’ve sworn that he wasn’t that badly injured before I passed out, I wondered what happened to him but he just said “Do not worry yourself with that, I’m alright now.” And dismissed my worry for a nice plate of warm food “How are you doing, Luna?”

I looked myself up and down “Eh…” I shrugged “My injuries are healing but Law is about to murder me since I keep getting new ones.” I saw his eyes widen slightly and I quickly laughed it off “Don’t worry, I’ve settled down. I… think?”

Jimbei put his left hand over my right shoulder as he was just a step short of being beside me “That’s not what I meant…” I suddenly felt the weight of his hand on my shoulder and how his arm covered most of my view “I’m sorry.” There was the smoke… The blood. My brother’s blood… I looked down at my hands – blood.

Smile. I told myself. Breathe and smile.

“I’m alright.” I nodded with the best smile I could muster. I didn’t have the breath to say anything else. I just waved off as I walked back into the hallways.

It was so hot all of a sudden…

I unzipped the jacket and took it off. The smoke…

I took a deep breath but it didn’t really happen. Shit, what’s…?

My legs gave out from under me as I walked and I came crashing down on the floor. Why was breathing suddenly so hard…? It was like I had to tell my lungs to expand, tell the oxygen to go down my throat but there didn’t seem to be enough oxygen around me.

As I reached for my shirt, I noticed I was shaking. Why am I…? I felt suffocated.

I couldn’t feel my legs, I couldn’t breathe, I was shaking like a leaf in the wind “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!” my voice cracked but I didn’t have it in me to cry “Damn it…”

All I heard was my unreliable heartbeat but it’s not like I could spare any energy on anything but trying to get my lungs to function. Everything was drowned out. Ifelt like I as drowning.

“Luna…” A single familiar voice broke through the memories of the war, through the smoke, through the blood. I looked up to see Law, a bit blurred, I couldn’t focus my eyes but I was sure it was him. I know I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. Law looked around before he put his sword down on the side and showed me his hands “It’s a panic attack. Have you ever had one before?” I shook my head “Let me help, ok?” I nodded and he moved to kneel beside me, I felt one of his hands on my back as he held out his other hand for me. I took hold of it before I knew it, like a lifeline at sea “I know it’s hard, but take a deep breath in.” I saw him do it and I instinctively mimicked him. It hurt. Breathing hurt like there was a force pressing on my chest but I didn’t even notice that I held on tighter to his hand “That’s it. Now out…” his voice was calm as he exhaled and I tried to do the same. Breathing out was easier but I could still feel myself shaking “Again, c’mon.” he took a deep breath in again and soon enough let it out again. I couldn’t say how long we were at it, but it helped. I stopped shaking, I could see again, and I could even move my legs to sit better now “There you go…” I took one final breath in and looked over at his golden eyes, so soft, I didn’t think I had seen those eyes so soft before “Are you feeling better?”

I nodded “Y-Yeah…” my voice was still shaky, but it was settling now “Sor---”

“You say sorry, I swear I’m smacking you over the head.”

I scoffed with the little energy I had regained and noticed he hadn’t tried to pull his hand away from mine, despite how sweaty I could tell I was. Self-consciously, I pulled my hand back and rubbed it against my shirt “Thanks then…”

“It’s alright.” He said, shifting to now sit on the floor instead with one hand supporting his weight and the other over his knee “With the way you’ve been acting, I figured this might happen…” I raised him an eyebrow but he just shrugged “You wake up only a couple of days after your body goes way over it’s limit and you’re all smiles? Sorry kitty, but that’s not how trauma works.”

“I wish you’d stop calling me a cat, I’m a tiger.”

“I wish you’d stop calling me a panda.”

I rolled my eyes, the motion made me feel a bit dizzy “Agree to disagree.”

“You’re doing it again.” I dropped the smile I didn’t even realize I had and when I focused back on him, I noticed how sharply his golden eyes landed on mine “Look, you can’t just brush this off. It’s not going to go away that easily.”

“What am I supposed to do, then?” I snapped at him, it wasn’t his fault in the least, but this sudden attack thing had freaked me the hell out “I can’t sit with Luffy because I’m absolutely terrified that I’ll be watching my last brother die! I can’t sit by myself because it floods my head with bad memories that hurt like hell and good memories that make me want to rip my heart out of my chest! I can’t distract myself with doing things because I’m too fucking weak to handle that and these damn scratches! I can’t mope around and cry either because I’m so damn tired of that shit! I couldn’t do anything when we lost Sabo! I couldn’t do anything when we lost Ace! And now I’m watching as I lose Luffy and I still can’t fucking do anything! I’m so freaking useless! I’m always the one that needs protecting, the one that’s been watching them go! I mean, look at me! I’ve been doing so well, I vowed that I’d come out of this a new me, better, like a phoenix! And all it fucking takes to bring me crumbling down is my stupid brain connecting a ‘sorry’ to losing Ace!”

I only felt his hand on my cheek, his thumb brushing away tears I didn’t realize were raining down my face and I stopped. I locked eyes with him, the golden of his irises burning into my empty grey ones “A phoenix needs to allow themselves to burn up before they can come back from the ashes.” He said, pulling his hand back to him “You can’t just put on a smile and make it go away, Luna. As a doctor, I’m supposed to tell you that it might pass eventually but I personally know better. It doesn’t pass, that hole in your chest that makes you want to tear the world apart, it’s not going to go away. You’ll just learn to deal with it better.” I looked down but he reached out his hand again and lifted my chin back up “But first, first you need to let that burn over you. Let what the war hurt. Let the loss of your brother hurt. If you shut it out, it’s not a door you’ll be able to easily open up again.”

I pulled my hair back with one hand as I looked down “I’m just so lost without them…” he didn’t say anything and I looked back at him “Can I tell you a secret?”

He raised me an eyebrow as that wiseass smirk came back to his lips “What? What we’ve been talking about is public knowledge?”

I narrowed my eyes at him “Oh, shut it, panda.” That seemed to have annoyed him enough and I continued as I looked at the empty hall “We had him, you know…? We were so close…” then I turned back to him “I don’t know what kind of story the marines are trying to sell, but we had him. My brother wasn’t executed, he was murdered. We managed to get to the scaffolding, we managed to get him out of the cuffs, we were on our way back through the war when…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it, I just looked at my hand. The same hand that had held his, the same hand that had let go when he turned to Akainu…

“And that will always be a part of you.” He said, making me look back at him “You’ll just have to learn how to carry it…”

“Did you?” he didn’t reply “When you lost your sister… Did you learn how to carry that with you?”

We sat in silence for a moment, in my numb state I thought that maybe I had stepped over a line there, but as he looked to the other end of the empty hall and sighed, he said “You’re already doing better than I did at the time.” Then he turned back to look at me “I went straight to the tear the world apart thing and it took a great man to get me started on the right path…” he even smiled but he wasn’t looking at me anymore “But then again, I did turn into a pirate so I’m not quite sure I can call this ‘the right path’. Definitely better than the one I was heading down though… Hell, I’m certain I wouldn’t be alive right now without Cora-san…” he got up and gave me his hand for support so that I could get up too “Now let’s find my jacket.”

I tilted my head “Your jacket…?”

He smiled back at me “Yeah, the long black jacket you’ve been wearing? Mine. And now you seemed to have left it who knows where.”

“That’s… Your jacket?”

“Yeah.”

I rubbed my face as I remembered the nice smell that had come from the fabric the first time I put it on “I fucking hate my enhanced senses right now…” I grumbled.

“What did you say?”

“I said I had it in the mess hall!”