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rosaleelovesdilfs · 11 days

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“Mama I’m In love with a Criminal” pt 1/?

MDNI, smut, kidnapping, mild Stockholm syndrome, mentions of ex mental abuse, daddy issues CLEARLY (lol) , mentions of murder and gore, and stalking. (If I forgot something I’m sorry!)

“Cooper what the FUCK!” You say as you’re leaned over, sweating digging a grave. What am I doing?

“Just keep digging.” He looks over at you, butchering the body. You gag, it’s so gruesome to watch his process. You know his process very well, but helping? Why the FUCK are you helping?!

Oh, yea…you’re in love with a fucking criminal, The Butcher.

Then:

“Welcome in! How can I help you?” You say putting on the most artificial smile.

“Vanilla cold brew, no ice, extra cream, two pumps of caramel, and foam on top.”

You have gotten used to no “thank yous” or “please”. Just put on a smile and do what they say.

“Yes Ma’am will that be all?” You ask in the most polite tone.

“Well did I say anything else? Yea that’s all.” She states.

“Apologize to her, she’s just doing her job…” a tall man in a firefighter uniform says. The lady looks at him and immediately flushes. “Oh uh yes sir. My apologies Cooper. I’m sorry” she says curtly to you.

Of course, Cooper Adams. I mean who didn’t know him? He’s the chief firefighter, polite, tall, and very fucking hot. “Hi Mr. Adams what can I do for you?” This time, without an artificial smile.

“Oh please, call me Cooper. I’ll just do a straight black coffee. Thank you sweetheart.”

Sweetheart…fuck is he dreamy. You hand him his coffee and his receipt to sign. When he hands it back, it has a number on it.

“I’m uh-hosting a thing at the station. Maybe if you could somehow cater? Call me.” He smiles as he turns around and walks out. That smile…it’s so perfect, too perfect.

Now:

After you’ve finished digging the grave you look over at Cooper. “What’s um-what’s next?”

“I need you to help me carry these pieces and put them in the hole. Got it?” He says walking over. “I’m sorry that you are having to do this…” he kisses you on the head. He’s not fucking sorry. He enjoys you helping. Enjoys having someone see the true him, The Butcher he’s always been. He loves having you get your hands dirty, and after this? After this he’ll join you in the shower and fuck you senseless. Fuck all the anger, emotion, and stress out.

You nod to him, doing as he says. You don’t really want to find out what would happen if you said no. Does he love you? Are you just a toy to him? Let’s be honest you don’t care. You’re in love with him, his flaws, his perfections, everything.

“Okay put these on.” He hands you a pair of gloves. You put them on as you help him carry the pieces of the body to the grave you dug. After all the pieces are in there, he starts to fill it back up. He’s done this countless times, always leaving a little piece of the victim somewhere for the police to find. He loves this little game, knowing people fear him, have nightmares about him. While people are having nightmares about him, what he may do, you’re inside his bed straddling him. Kissing him, riding his cock while he praises you.

“Good girl. You did so good tonight helping me.”

Then:

You dial the number left on the receipt.

“Hello?” His voice comes on the other end. His voice is like liquid sex, so smooth, so perfect. Too perfect.

“Hey! It’s y/n from the coffee shop. You mentioned something about catering…? You do know we don’t have much food correct?” You slightly giggle.

“Would you be mad if I said that was a lie just to get a pretty girls number?”

You fluster and get agitated just at that comment. “Oh really? And if I said I was mad?”

“Then I guess that would be an issue.” You hear him smile on the other end. “So now that I have your number, would you wanna go out sometime? Go anywhere you want.”

How could you say no? You’re not gonna say no to the chief firefighter that’s single and fucking hot. “Yea sure. Hey listen, there’s a rock concert actually in a week and my friend bailed…would you maybe wanna go? I don’t know what music you like but-“

“Yes of course I’ll go.” He cuts you off.

“Perfect it’s next Wednesday. Pick me up at 8:00.” You try not to scream with excitement.

“Okay see you then sweetheart.” He hangs up.

Concert day…

“You ever been to a concert before?” I ask. He gets sweaty and uneasy.

“Oh yea once. It was a long time ago though back when I lived in Philly.” He says looking around.

“Oh cool, that’s cool. I’ve been to a few but this is my first rock one.” You look up at him, still looking around paranoid. “You okay…?”

“Oh yea, just a lot of people.” He wipes his hands on his jeans and smiles down at you. “I’m having fun though, I promise.”

The concert ends an hour later and you get back to your place. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t want him to grab you and kiss you. You wanted him to kiss you like a starving man in all honesty.

“I had fun, thank you for coming with me.”

“Of course, I had fun too.” He pushes a piece of your hair behind your ear. You look up at him almost begging for him with your eyes. He can read your expression and leans in to kiss you. This was what you dreamed of, what you saw in the movies and the books you read.

You unlock the door to your house with him still on your lips.

“Fuck cooper.” You moan into him. He starts shedding his clothes, folding them neatly as he did so. You do the same with yours. You don’t know why he’s so neat with them, but did it matter? Before you know you’re on the couch with him between your legs, licking and sucking at your pussy. You grasp the couch and moan. This was heaven. This man’s lips, tongue, hair, everything was so perfect. For a moment your gut tells you something’s not right, but why listen when there’s a deeper knot building. His thick fingers teasing your entrance, pushing but not yet.

“Cooper…cooper fuck I’m close!” You grab his hair and tug which pulls a moan out of him.

“Good girl, take my tongue like the good girl you are.” He says looking up and returning to suck your clit.

His words hit you like a bus, your orgasm closely following. He continues until you’re squirming in his hands, the way he likes it. He likes when you struggle…

Who knew this would lead to you being his accomplice? Who knew he had this all planned out from the beginning?

“Turn around. Hands on the table.” He wasn’t asking, he was commanding. You have never done this on the first date, so why now?

“Yes sir.” You looked back at him smiling. The smile was hiding how nervous you were to take him all in. He smacks your ass leaving a stingful mark. He massages it with his hand after while massaging your clit. Next thing you know he pounds into you without warning, letting out a moan. “Fuck you feel so good baby. You’re gonna be good and take me all…”

You pant and let out almost incoherent moans and words as he relentlessly pounds into you, all while massaging your clit. “Come on baby you’re squeezing me, let go, come all over my cock.” Not long after you reach your climax, he follows right behind.

He cleans you up and kisses all the marks he left, praising and apologizing all at once. “You did so good for me.”

You fall asleep like that, in his arms. It was comforting but something was just nagging at you.

The next morning you both decide to go get breakfast at a new place up the street.

“So Cooper, how long have you lived here?” You ask curious.

“About four years now. Left Philly awhile back.” He almost looks around, trying to avoid your eyes as he says this.

“How come you left?”

“Hey I have to get going the station is calling me. Emergency. I’ll call you later okay?” He rushes to get up and kisses you on the forehead before he’s out the door. What the fuck was that about?

Now:

You quickly help him clean up the rest of the evidence at one of the safe houses he has. “Cooper, exactly how many people have you killed…?” You didn’t know if this was the first time, or the 10th time.

“This is my 13th victim. The other twelve were back in Philadelphia. My um- my family I’m not sure where they are. They are under witness protection. That’s why I chose this small town, no one would know who I am? I could tell you always thought something was off, something was not right, but yet here we are.” He starts to walk over to you. “I knew something in you could do it, you could be a good girl and help me.” He kisses me and touches me with his bloody hand. That wont last long. He has clinical OCD which means he can only be like this for about five minutes. Everything’s always constructed and achieved perfect. Too perfect.

All you can do is nod. Your brain and gut is telling you to turn away, go to the police as fast as you can. Your heart…it’s telling you to stay. To protect Cooper. You are officially an accomplice to this. You couldn’t run if you wanted to…this is what he wanted all along. For you to fucking HELP so you were stuck with him?! What the fuck did you get yourself into.

Im not quite sure how many parts I am going to do. I am going to aim for 3 though!! I hope y’all enjoy the first part :)!!! The second part will be out Sunday most likely!

@coopers-bunny @babygorewhore @cryobabyy @thebutchersbitch @hereforthehitsbaby @amethystblackkchaos @rainingrabbits89-blog @lustskitty69

If I forgot anyone I’m so sorry please just remind me in the comments!

#cooper adams #josh hartnett #trap movie #cooper adams trap #need him #cooper adams x reader #cooper cult #fanfic #trap josh hartnett #trap movie smut

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starshipsofstarlord · 1 year

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JJ’s Sugar Mama Pays His Bail

Summary -> JJ’s sugar mama Y/N pays his bail, but he isn’t as grateful as she expected him to be. And so she makes him sorry (1.6k)

Warnings -> 18+ minors dni pleeeaassseeee, smut, oral sex (f receiving), angst, arrest, handcuff kink

jj maybank works other outer banks works masterlist

He was sat in the yellow tinted room, alone with his own wandering thoughts; he had done everything for his friends, and the one time he was selfish, this was where he ended up - in the slammer, just like his dad.He shouldn’t have spent that money, that much was obvious, that could have covered his backside to him being a free man, without a split lip and a debt hanging over his shoulders, but there was nothing that he could do to change his actions now.

This was his punishment, being all alone, and as much as he didn’t want it, he deserved it deep down, or so he thought.

If only he could ride away into the sunset with his bike beneath him, and drift away from the Maybank curse, then he most definitely would. The officers weren’t surprised to have him coiled up in their custody, they’d all boasted that they knew it was a matter of time, he was the most volatile pogue they had ever wanted to capture, and their wishes of taking him away in the back of their siren wailing car had eventually become true.

Nobody would resolve this consort of issues he had dug himself down into, even if they wanted to they were powerless to the bribed force that resides in the Cut. His friends could never afford to free him from the shackles that were this cell… though he had some faith in them when he heard the heavy foot falls of a man with a scrambled moustache whom was dressed in the unmistakable uniform.

JJ spoke no word to him, however the officer did to him, he made a statement, one he was not overly joyous about. “Your bails been paid Maybank, clearly someone has too much money on their hands to let you rot out in here for whatever reason.” The pogue wanted to bite back at his offender but he remained quiet as the barred door was unlocked, and like a lost child he mindlessly followed the cop, wishing he could defend John B, or Pope, or Kiara; whichever one paid for his freedom.

But none of them were in the cramped lobby, or waiting outside, however there was a familiar and sleek car without a scratch this glinted before his eyes, making it simple as to whom his saviour was. She was leant up against the vehicle, sunglasses shielding her eyes as she ignored the curious eyes of passers-by that dared to glance at her.

“Y/N.” He called out her name, slipping past the officers that suspiciously watched as he retreated to the woman that was awaiting on his behalf. “Why are you here? Did you..”

“You know I got you out of there JJ.” She sighed, finally slipping her black mirrored glasses from her face and folding them into her hands. “You don’t need to ask that, as soon as I heard I knew I had to get you released as quickly as possible. A place like that doesn’t deserve for you to be in there, you’re far too good.”

The blonde gulped as he took a step towards her so that their conversation could be on a more private level. “I’m not Y/N/N, I deserved to be in there.” And he believed it, far too much. “You shouldn’t have wasted your money, especially on me. In fact I think you should stop pitying me so much, I’m probably going to keep getting locked up and if you keep bailing me out then you’re going to be as broke as I am.”

He was trying to push her away, distance himself so that he could prove himself for once and for all. When he and his friends finally got that gold, he could make something of himself, and then, and only then, he might deserve her…

“Hey! I don’t pity you, I care about you, there’s a very distinct difference. I believe in you, JJ Maybank, and I wish you would too. Because you’re going to do great things, and I hope to always be one of the people witnessing them. And I don’t care about the money, it means nothing.”

JJ couldn’t help but release a pent up scoff. “Money might mean nothing to you Y/N, but you haven’t had to survive your whole life without it. Can you just take me to my shabby little home so that you can go back to your chic lifestyle and forget about me?" He was being surprisingly brash, he'd never spoken to Y/N that way. He'd always been grateful for the things that she had done for him, but this instance wasn't upon the ladder of his appreciation.

"I could never forget about you J, so will you shut up and get in the car, you're coming with a ride with me. And if you don't like that, it won't be the officers of the law putting you in handcuffs." Y/N saw his mouth about to open, and so she ensured it closed before he could get a sound out. "Don't be a damn brat and do as I say. Now."

She was strict, but she had to be. The line for confessing her feelings to her sugar baby had almost been crossed, and she had to enforce herself not to almost make that mistake again. But with truth, she'd rather survive without the luxuries that made her life what it was than without JJ. For she was just his human credit card, that came running in his times of need, nothing more and nothing less.

He would never be able to feel anything romantic for her, she was his opposite, and sometimes they didn't understand each other, however the tone of voice she had struck him with seemed to work, as he clambered into the passenger side of her vehicle and awaited for her to join him under its roof. "Seatbelt." She instructed him as she watched the pogue out of the corner of her eye, turning the ignition so that she could speed away from the place that he had been locked up.

He was all too familiar with the route of her home, and so he made his way into it, up to the bedroom that was tidy from the freshly made bed and cleaned carpet. "Considering how you spoke to me earlier, I might just put the cuffs on you anyways." They glittered sinfully beneath the light, blinding JJ with his shimmering desires. He willingly, and apologetically held out his hands, prepared to feel the metal scuff the skin around his wrists.

JJ despised being seen as vulnerable, but when he was in such a state he felt safe when Y/N was there, she looked after him, made him feel as though there was nobody that could hurt him. “I’m sorry.” He needed her to forgive him, he hated himself for ever speaking for her in the manner that he had, she was the last person in the world that deserved his attitude. With a loud click the handcuffs were secured onto him, and he realised, he was indeed guilty. He was terrible for speaking to Y/N like that, he was emitting his ravenous emotions, all because of his mistakes, one of which he found greater than the others.

It was never supposed to happen but he had started falling for her, but he didn’t want to drown in regret. If he were to express his feelings this charade that they played would no doubt come to an end, and so he could not allow that to happen. He couldn’t lose her, he had lost enough people in his life. His tongue swiped out from his mouth to collect the anxious sweat on his top lip, as he ogled up at the dominant beauty above him. She was perfect, and he was simply just a pogue. “You should be.” Y/N pressed, her brow arching in a sly rise of optimism. “But you’re going to make it up to me.” She dragged him onto the bed, her hand tangled in the roots of his blond hair, finding pleasure in his pained yet aroused whimpers.

“I will.” He nodded exasperatedly, desperate for her forgiveness, wishing he could claw at her back for comfort and a sense of solace. But she silenced her when she raised her hips over his face, her skirt riding up high on her thighs, and her lace covered mound suffocating any further sounds that wished to part from his lips. His moans were muffled as he instantly got to work, mouthing at the fabric that separated him from what he wished to be his last meal, he was so turned on, it wasn’t fair. This was his punishment and a gift all at once.

Y/N’s eyelashes fluttered as she lazily smirked to herself, a light moan falling from her lips as she rode his face. She wanted to get lost in him, or in this case, on top of him. He was all that she wanted, and this was the only way in which she could have him, and so she would settle for that at this time. She slipped her panties to the side, allowing him to taste the real thing without any obstacles blocking the path of his hungry tongue, because she wanted to feel good too.

And this was the only way. Because maybe JJ was right, her lifestyle was far different to his, she wasn’t a pogue like him, and she had money. But what she wanted with JJ was priceless, she would give it all up if she could do it all over again with him. She bit her lip, relishing in the feeling that her sexual loved was giving her rather than the painful thoughts that invaded her mind.

#jj maybank imagine #jj maybank smut #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x you #jj maybank blurb #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank one shot #jj maybank fic #jj maybank x kook!reader #jj maybank angst

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honeeslust · 8 months

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Toji Fushiguro | The box

🖤 I'll be honest. I drew inspiration for this after watching Dexter. But initially, there was that comment from a reader on wattpad asking for a fic where homeless Toji fucks us in a box.

… Also, @biscuitsngravie @blkkizzat @littlemochabunni @ryomens-vixen have me stuck on Toji who calls you mama/mamas. Like are you kidding me?? I'm folding immediately!

Anyway….

Challenge accepted!

🖤I suck at TW’s but maybe this Toji is manipulative and posessive. Its not crazy but just know its implied.

🖤 WC 3K+ (it’s a bit jumpy cause i really didn’t proof read. My bad. Im tired 😩)

Wait!!

is that..?

No that can't be.

I'm trippin'.

In all of .5 seconds, that's what races through your thoughts when you caught sight of him. No way that Adonis-looking creep who just winked at you was your toxic AF ex.

The one who got your car towed last year, maxed out your discover card and put your boss in a cast for 6 weeks. All that after you had bailed him out for. Although…your boss might've had that coming to him.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

He just had to be at this bar of all places?

Eyeing... NO! Eye fucking you, as you moved your body to the music. How long had he been watching you?

Toji stood back, confident that he had stolen your attention away from your date. He hated the way he was touching you, but wouldn't cause a scene. Not unless he had to.

He preferred this anyway. He knew what he was doing. Getting under your skin a little before dragging you back into the 3ring circus that was his life. How could you blame him? You'd left him so suddenly and he couldn't handle that. No! He refused to handle that.

He just wanted you to know how bad he wished he could take back all the dumb shit he put you through before. It wasn't his fault. The only reason he maxed out your card gambling was to get the cash he needed to buy back that Cadillac Deville he stole from your uncle. He didn't know it was a prize winning collectors item. too bad you never gave him a chance to say that.

Meanwhile, there you are on the dancefloor. Acting as if you didn't care.

Nope! There was no familiar pang of excitement rippling through you. There wasn't a need to feel those hands on you instead of the ones that were touching you now. You were easily ignoring that tight black tee he wore. Your eyes were not drawn to that faint line running down the center, barely concealing that line between his abs that you loved to carve out with your tongue.

Pathetic. You're fucking pathetic y/n. Thats what you thought as you ground your hips against the guy you were dancing with, wishing you had any substantial amount of will power in you to just disappear out the back door.

Shiiit! Suddenly the hands on your waist brought your attention back to them. Ugghh. you weren't in the mood to dump him. You were more inclined to hurry this along to let your ex scratch that itch that only he could.

Maybe......

After all, he didn't know where you lived now. Just one night wouldn't hurt. Yeah. Fuck it!

Uhh, my friends here, sorry I gotta go. you hollar into your dates ear.

As what would likely be the dumbest decision you could ever make had your feet moving in his direction. You could almost see the 4th wall breaking and a little blurred out blip of yourself screaming over your shoulder, look at this big bobble headed ass dummy!! Bitch! What the fuck are you doing?

You ignored the blaring red flags and ear ringing sirens going off in your head and proceeded to exit the sea of swaying bodies.

You make your way to the bar where he sits, a conceited grin on his face, that scar on his lip pulling to the side damn near making you forget just how much he was all kinds of wrong.

He stares you down, not a hint of shame in his eye as his enamoured gaze swept from your lips to your chest and down to your hips.

He pulls you into a soul pleasing hug, chrushing your body against his, nuzzling his nose into your neck and telling you how good you looked. You shuddered, feeling a tattooed hand possessively gripping your ass and squeezeing too tight.

Cmere. Missed you mamas.

He smells all cedery and sweet, probably some expensive shit he stole from someone elses gym bag. Ether way, the scent clouded your judgement with the memories of the damage he could do with just that hand alone.

He'd once clocked a guy so hard he swallowed his own teeth. You remember the way he just couldn't stand it when someone thought they could have what was his. It was brutal. But damn, that look in his eye was everything... fuck.

He apologized for that didn't he?

If memory served, and it did now that he was standing in front of you looking all kinds of tall tan and handsome.

Yeah, he did. With his tongue until you thought your heart would actually stop if he didn't.

Now you were thinking, Was what he did really that bad? It was just uncle Earl. Who didn't even come to your 3rd grade dance recital cause he had the flu.

Your morals had died about two shots ago and what ever self preservation you had left had fucked right off into oblivion.

Now, instead of that nervous ache in your gut telling you he'd hurt you all over again, there was a fire burning. The flames stoked by the thrill of not knowing how this would end up. But you simply didn’t care. As long as tonight, you ended up on underneath him.

Hmm. If that dress was any tighter I might have to actually get a fancy job to buy you more.

Maybe you should just buy a shirt that ain't so fucking tight it's screamin I don't fit you!

Ouch he mocks you, laughing at your terrible dis. You're agitated already. Just what he hoped for.

Hmm. He nods drawing his lower lip under his teeth.

That's too bad.

What's that? You asked leaning to hear him over the music.

It's a shame. He ain't fuckin' you right. I can tell.

'Fuck. Why did he have to say that? Here we fuckin go!'

Excuse me. The fuck is that supposed to mean?

Half yelling, your world tilts a little and suddenly you're aware of the light buzz that seaking up on you.

You need some dick just ask.

Your eyes rolled skyward. His smart ass mouth getting to you more than you expected it too. You were getting ready to tell him exactly how far he could fuck off. But you froze, feeling Tojis eyes still on you like all he was waiting for was even the slightest indication that you were ready.

You don't know shit Toji.

You gonna leave your boyfriend hangin like that? He teases.

You follow his gaze to the guy across the way who was likely realizing your "friend" was stealing you away. Damnit! You didn't mean for that to happen like that.

Sorry, you mouth out with a shrug before turning your attention back to the dark haired man damn near breathing down your neck.

Everything happening was so irrational. You were imagining the taste the cheap beer on his breath. Normally the prickly ale scent would turn your stomach, but now you were about 30 seconds from letting him drag you off into one of these restrooms. Just to get a taste of it off his lips.

What's the matter? Can't decide on which it's not you it's me speeches to give him?

Fuck You! you blurted out fighting the smile coming to you lips. You think you know every fucking thing, thats your fuckin problem.

His laugh rumbles in his chest. That smile too beautiful to accept coming from such an asshole.

He leans in, placing his hand under your bar stool and pulling it closer. A sly hand slips over your thigh, touching just under the hem of your dress. Please do. He teases, brushing his finger back and forth until your pulse staggered behind your ribs. Tell me how I'm wrong then, mamas.

First of all I ain't fuckin him. You breathed out when you fully intended on yelling it. You assumed wrong. That's not my man.

Yeah? He says with a darker look about his eye, causing a moment of prolonged eye contact. Ok. Guess I stand corrected then.

Guess you do! You agreed, the look you gave telling him everything your body already did.

You ready to go?

You scoff, playing off your immediate will to jump up and down screaming yes.

God you're such a fuckin creep. Does this usually work for you?

I think we're both about to find out.

I can't stand you. Is what you said but you were making your way toward the door with him.

Once you're out of the building his impatient lips descend upon you. Hungrily and breathlessly.

Why don't you get us an uber so we can go to your place. He says lining your collar bone with kisses.

You almost pulled your phone out. But for once you listened to that voice. Stick to the plan. He doesn't know where you live so keep it that way.

You push against his shoulders, you get the uber. And we're going to your place.

I'm banned from Uber he says moving his hips against yours causing you to wrap your legs around him.

God Toji you accidentally moan when he clutches your nipple between his teeth and follows the searing pain with his tongue. He carries you along, kissing and marking your neck and chest as you clung to him.

Fine. Your choice. We're not far anyway.

What does that mean?

His mouth is so good to you, and your overly sensitive body to really question anything. He kisses and nips, leaving you to barely notice the awkward empty hallway he sneaks you into.

Hold it. Let me get the key. He says setting you on your feet. Imagine your surprise when he goes for the padlock in the door.

The fuck is that. You say gasping for air as your eyes struggle to focus. The hell are we??

Toji, are we in a fucking storage unit??

You ask eyes still searching the place.

He cups your face, kissing your lips once again. Shut up. Once I'm fucking you it'll feel like the ritz baby.

He raises the sliding door and the loud ricochet makes you jump as you plucked your lips away from his.

Wait. There's no fucking way Im about to do this. Am I? That's what you said grinding against his palm the moment he shoved his hand between your legs, expertly nudging that answer towards a yes.

Every moment you stood there questioning how low you were setting your standards was a second too long for him. You got away from him and now he needed to show you exactly why you found your self ready to be slutted out in a fucking box.

As soon as your foot crossed into that tin square, he shut the gate behind you. He had a point to make. That much was evident in the way he shoved your skirt up over your ass and dragged your pussy into his face where he inhaled the scent of your arousal.

His nose tickles, making you giggle out loud.

Do that again. -shit makes me want to fuck you till you can't stand pretty slut.

his words registered as a million little tingles in your core. All of which needed to be sought after, one by one until everything wrong about this felt right.

He tears the lacy thong from you waist. Slipping his fingers through the wetness, he drags a slick path between your folds. Making your soft moans rattle from your chest no matter how hard you tried to quiet them.

Mmmmhmm. I knew you missed me. He groans shoving his digits inside you.

Fuck y/n you're tight. When's the last time you fucked.

Your cheeks burned as you looked away, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing you hadn't been with anyone since him.

You'd be able to take me by now if you hadn't left me. He rasped out as if he wasn't damn near busting out of his pants at the chance to eat you six ways to Sunday.

He brings his tongue down gently against your clit at first. Giving soft intenttional flicks meant to test how sensitive you were. You writhed and twisted, shivering away from his tongue, making him force your trembling cunt back to his lips. Sssss-stop fucking runnin' in y/n, I need you dripping if I'm gonna fit Mamas.

You did more than just drip. You came down in torrents. You were elated, manipulated by satisfaction blooming in those those impossibly emerld eyes. His fingers working madly against the tight wet womb seizing up around them.

Tears pricked the corners of your eyes. It was so much robbing you of your sanity, so many sensations overwhelming you. The slurp. The smacks. His middle and index fingers pulsing in and out. His tongue tending to that aching clit. A pleasurable heat swelling and releasing, over and over again.

Every climax up until now has sent so much satisfaction through you that every muscle in your body is wrought with exhaustion. But he doesn't care that you can't move.

He lays you on the cot in the corner. Making you side eye him a moment before. Damn. This was the the most outlandish shit you'd ever done. But shit. Toji looked so fucking good it hurt. His shirt comes over his head and those jeans come off.

He gives himself a few preparory strokes before smacking that heavy cock head against your clit, laughing as you jolted again and again and cried out for him to finally fuck you.

He arches, guiding himself inside, your swollen cunt pulsing and pulling him in. The slow descent into your gummy wet entrance warrants him the chance to really get to see the way he spreads you.

When he finally bottoms out, youre lustful mewls are echoing out through the hollow metal walls, putting a certain emphasis on the sound of his name erupting from your lips.

Sssss fuck mamas. He stills, tucked deep inside you, his dick jumping at the sound of your voice.

You can't keep this pussy away from me baby. His hips rock steady, fucking you into the sorry excuse for a mattress, loving the way he can fuck you plain stupid. Fuck, I could break you right now y/n.

You were always the prettiest little slut when you took this dick. Baby. Look at you. Why would you ever take this pussy from me Y/n?

The harsh slaps to your tits drags you back into your body. He ruts into you, teasing your clit back and forth, breaking you all over again until you were dripping once more, this time around his cock as he slowed the rock of his hips.

cmere he says flipping you onto your stomach and dragging your hips back. He pushes your shoulders to the bed, and slips his finger around and around the messy display before him.

Sssssss You'll take me back won't you?

Shit. You're ready to say it. But you bite bike your moans. No no no. Do NOT take him back.

Answer me mamas. He grunts out, prodding your puffy wet clit with kisses from his dick.

Let me hear you say it. He taunts, pushing in, pulling out. Pushing in, pulling out.

Fuck you growled fighting tooth and nail not to give in. But fuck, everytime he pushed in, you gushed, every time he pulled out you cried, desperately clenching around nothing.

Fuck Toji. Fuck me please.

His hand burns at the back of your neck. A second later your braids/wig/locks/curls are tangled up with his fingers when he palms the back of your head like a Spalding and snatches your body back against him, leaving nothing between you. Nothing to stop him from making you his all over again.

Tell me I can come back. I can make it all up to you. Baby?

He kisses around your ear, his hand cutting off your air supply just enough to make your head spin outta control from the mind numbing climax creeping up on you. You heard me mamas? I'll do it right now. He brags, hitting your spot.

You hated that it felt different, like your pussy was trying to get used to him all over again. Like you were ready to fall for him and all his bullshit. Consequences be damned. It hurt so good that you cried down your thigh, shaking and whining in perfect pain and pleasure.

Fuck Toji. I swear- nngh I hate your ass so bad.

Na nah nah darling. You don't get it do that. Not when this pussy is gripping my dick the way it is.

His fingers clench handfuls of your flesh and he drags his hips back and forth, every pump shallow but intense. Nudging and nudging and nudging until you were on edge again.

Fuck he was right. You loved it. You wanted this. You needed this.

You'll always be my pretty lil slut? won't you? I've ruined you, and you like it. Let me hear dat shit mama, say it!!

I- I'm ruined. I'm no fucking good. I'm just your slut Toji, please. Ugh.

I can move all my shit back in?

Yes!

Toji was feral. Using his strength to prop you up and keep fucking you. He could still taste you on his tongue and you were coming so hard he couldn't pull out if he tried.

Shit! You must want me to come in you, don't you mamas?

Yesss. I want your cum. Cum in me please. You cry out as he pinches and tugs at your nipples, his tongue ghosting your ear.

He bucks faster. That's what the fuck I thought.

Your skin claps against his, ensuring anyone in the building most definitely could hear him beating down your slutty walls.

Tell that curly headed JT looking fuck I'll kill him if he calls you again.

Mhhmm. Yes Toji, yess. He could ask you anything right now and the answer would always be yes.

Whoahh! He sputters spurting his release against your swollen cervix. Satisfied, he pulls out leaving you empty and aching. Just a dumb fucked out bimbo with her ass out as he gleamed at the lewd display.

He slips his thumb over your clit, catching the bit that leakes out of you. Ah ah, don't waste any, he says shoving it back inside. Let's go. You gotta eat at least 3 plan bs for how much you just sucked outta me.

Ok you manage to whimper, lying flat, wincing as your walls contracted and the pain set in.

You lie there spent, officially dicked stupid.

Hey mamas, lemme ask you something.

What Toji?

Can I hook my ps5 up to the big tv?

Listen. I know he didn't fuck us in a box per a literal sense but hey. This was fun. What do you think?

#toji x reader #smutxanime honeeslust #blackgirlswhowriteanimesmut #smut writer #smut oneshot #spicy headcanons #jjk season 2 #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen #toji fushiguro #tojixsmut #toji imagine

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impishtubist · 8 months

Note

Prompt: Three times Sirius almost murdered someone in public over his fame and one time he tried to use his fame to his advantage (and failed) - bonus points if he was trying to bone someone😬

So, confession time: I actually started writing this prompt when you first gave it to me, without the boning part, so now I feel weird that the "failed" portion of the ficlet involves a child and does not involve boning 🤣

That being said, I think that someone *cough cough* could write a 5 + 1 ficlet about Sirius trying to get laid, and he fails 5 times because no one is impressed with his fame, and succeeds once because, idk, Kingsley is more famous than he is. ANYWAY. Here is your fic. It's very dumb and unedited. Enjoy.

---

“Mr. Black!”

“Lord Black!”

Shit. Sirius shoves his list into his pocket and pops the collar of his coat in an effort to shield most of his face from the cameras. He’d purposely come to Diagon at ass-o’clock on a Sunday, hoping to get his shopping out of the way before the crowds arrived. He’d managed to get gifts for everyone on his list, too, except for Harry.

Harry is the one he always has the hardest time shopping for, because the gifts have to be perfect. He accepts nothing less for his son.

And now the paparazzi have spotted him, which means that he has to put off shopping for Harry until another day. He briefly contemplates setting the street (and the reporters) on fire as a distraction, but that would only draw more attention.

Instead, he ducks down an alley and Apparates home.

---

Harry glances over his shoulder, and quickly pales. “Uh, Sirius…”

“Don’t tell me,” Sirius sighs.

“Yeah.”

“We’ve in the fucking Maldives.”

“They have reporters in the Maldives.”

Sirius glares at him, and Harry gives him an innocent smile. “They’re here for you, too, Potter.”

“I didn’t get voted Sexiest Wizard Alive by Witch Weekly this year. They’re here for you.”

Sirius twirls his wand between his fingers, eyeing the approaching reporters warily. “Do you think I can transform them all into rabbits?”

“I don’t think Remus will bail you out of jail again. Aunt Andy said she wouldn’t, either.”

“Kingsley might.”

“Yeah, because he’s asked you to marry him three times and you keep turning him down. He’d do anything for you.”

“He would, wouldn’t he?”

Harry’s nose wrinkles. “Gross, Sirius.”

Sirius winks. “It’s the Black charm, Harry.”

“Yeah, well, can the Black charm get us out of here unnoticed and without any murder? I want some lunch.”

---

Sirius steps into Remus’s office, and the whole room falls silent, sixteen pairs of eyes staring at him in astonishment.

“Er,” he says eloquently, “hello.”

Pandemonium breaks out after that, students clamoring for his autograph and his photograph and wanting to shake his hand. If he’d known that Remus held office hours at six o’clock on a Thursday of all days, he wouldn’t have stopped by to visit his friend after the Board of Governors meeting let out.

“I’m going to kill you,” he mutters under his breath at one point, while three awestruck first-years try to get his attention.

“No, you won’t,” Remus says cheerfully. “You need your best man intact for the wedding.”

---

“Mummy, I can’t see!”

“Shh, darling.”

“But I can’t. He’s too tall.”

“Here, Melinda, why don’t you sit on Mama’s lap? That will help you be taller, won’t it?”

There’s some shuffling, and then a huff. “I still can’t see.”

Sirius can’t help it. Curious, he twists around in his seat to find a young girl glaring at him. She can’t be older than Lily Luna, and she’s dressed in a frilly princess dress for the show. Her mothers gape at him.

“Oh!” the one holding Melinda exclaims. “Oh, Lord Black, I am so sorry--”

“It’s quite alright,” he says, giving Melinda the patented and dazzling Black smile. She remains unmoved. “I am very tall, aren’t I?”

“I wanna see the dancing,” Melinda pouts.

“Why don’t we switch?” Kingsley suggests, and he swaps seats with Sirius.

“You’re too tall, too,” Melinda informs him. “Mummy, can I sit on your shoulders?”

“No, baby, I don’t think the theater would like that very much.”

“But how am I supposed to see Clara?” Melinda demands. “And the dancing?”

“We’ll switch seats with you,” Sirius says, and both of Melinda’s mothers look mortified.

“Oh, no, Lord Black--”

“We couldn’t possibly--”

“I insist,” he says, getting up, and Kingsley follows him. The two women get up after a moment’s hesitation and take their seats, Melinda on one lap. “Is that better, my lady?”

“Yes,” Melinda says, not sparing him a glance.

“Melinda,” one of her mothers scolds. “What do we say?”

Melinda turns around to look at Sirius. “What’s your name?”

“Sirius.”

Her nose wrinkles. “That’s a funny name.”

“Melinda!”

“Thank you, Sirius,” Melinda says primly, and then she turns around again, Sirius utterly forgotten.

Her mothers are bright red. Sirius leans forward.

“My granddaughter is five,” he says to them. “I've never been so humbled in my life.”

#sirius black #harry potter #kingsley shacklebolt #starking #parents take small children to see The Nutcracker right?????#anyway here is some nonsense #imp is writing #follower milestone celebration #come give me prompts or cause chaos with me!

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moonyasnow · 4 days

Text

Malleus and Irina's kids

I finished drawing them all quite a while ago but had to add some actual personality to them too

There are 8 of them

Buckle up

Malina - first born - daughter -> hatched from egg -> in dragon form

Black hair and purple eyes

A little bit mischevious. Also spoiled ROTTEN. As a child she could pout a little and always get her way. As she grows up she matures, but you can still tell she's used to being spoiled.

All her siblings definitely helped make sure she didn't grow up to be a brat— she loves them all, and helping to look after them helped teach her responsibility, which her parents told her is a very valuable trait for a ruler to have. She is going to be Queen of Briar Valley some day, after all.

She's named, not only after both of her parents, but also after the Bulgarian word for 'raspberry'

She's a 'sister bear' (like mama bear but sister) and is very protective of and doting on her siblings. Though she's also a little bit selfish— she'll take a bite of their slice of cake and call it 'oldest sibling privileges' She's also noted to look quite a bit like Malleus' late mother, Maleanor Oh— and she LOVES stuffed animals.

She has an entire room dedicated to her hoard of them even. Dragons are very protective of their hoards, and she is no exception, not allowing almost anyone to even SEE her collection.

But! When each of her siblings were born, she gave them all one animal from her collection, and she gets very upset if they don't still cherish them, no matter how old they are. They're from her hoard, after all! Her siblings are the only people who are ever going to get something from there.

She's very open with her affection to the people she likes. But this affection can be a bit intense sometime, and if it bothers one of her siblings, it can take her a while to understand that, and she can end up taking it too far and crossing a boundary without meaning to.

Malachi - second born - son -> hatched from egg -> in human form -> has a dragon form

Pink hair and green eyes

Very attached to both parents. As a child he clung to one or both (preferably both) of them all the time. Though Malina is also a pretty good substitute if neither of them are present

ANXIETY

He's also a scholar

He really likes stargazing, and the stars in general. His parents both liked stargazing together, so of course they also took their children with them when they were young. It affected Malachi more so than most of the others. He quickly became intrigued with the stars, especially after he noticed that they move!

He loves the quiet of stargazing.

He's very mindful of his status as 2nd-in-line to the throne, and it brings him so much stress. He just kinda wants to run away to live in a little cottage in the mountains and like write or something and never have to deal with other people again.

But instead he has to go with Malina to all these meetings where he ends up so worried he'll say something wrong and mess things up that by the end of them his head falls down on the table and he lets out a long, high-pitched groan like his spirit is leaving his body.

This soft-boi just wants a quiet academic cottagecore life and to sit in a cozy chair by the fireplace and read, or to live in a secluded room in the castle compiling histories, or camp out in fields for years just watching how the stars move, but instead he's forced to do politics.

Mallory - third born - child -> born the human way -> has a dragon form

Pink hair, green eyes

They're the one of the siblings who has the most knowledge about how the world outside of Briar Valley really works, because they ended up leaving Briar Valley, and his life as a royal, to join a traveling circus.

The best listener, and has the best people-skills. They're sometimes a bit surprised by just how bad most of his siblings are at communicating with other people. They actually ended up having to bail them and their siblings out of trouble now and then as kids. Though weirdly, almost always trouble he himself got them all into.

Mallory loves their job at the circus, and being able to use magic to bring joy to others. This leads to him sometimes clashing with their younger brother Malcolm because Malcolm thinks they don't take magic seriously enough.

Mallory is rarely ever serious in general— though they've said that's mostly because everyone else in the family is so serious! "Someone had to bring in some levity!"

They also have a flair for the dramatic (theatre kid), though they do also like trying to be the dependable older sibling you can always talk to— especially since 'they're the only one guaranteed not to snitch on you' (their own words).

Just because they don't think the royal life is for them and they've left home doesn't mean they don't love their family a lot. They have a habit of spontaneously appearing in a flurry of fireflies in the castle now and then unannounced. When they do, they'll often have gifts with them; little trinkets or books or other stuff like that which they think their siblings would find interesting.

And lots and lots of stories, of course! They'll sit the younger ones down and then act out a dramatic story that 100% happened to them dude trust them (no, they were not really 'attacked by a panther assassin set out to avenge their sister'— a cat somehow snuck into the trailer cart they sleep in and hissed at them)

Malek - fourth born - son -> hatched from egg -> in dragon form

Black hair and green eyes Looks EXACTLY LIKE MALLEUS

Was named after Sebek. Sebek cried so hard and yelled so loudly out of happiness he was not actually allowed anywhere near the room where Malek was born OR his nursery for the first week and a half.

He has a very strong sense of duty; if he's promised to do something, he WILL do it. And if it's something that's too difficult for him, he's going to train whatever quality he'd need to complete it until he can pull it off. So yeah, he always keeps his promises, even if it takes him literal years to fulfill them.

This can end up making people laugh when his promise is to attend his younger siblings Malindt and Malissa's tea party, but he doesn't see what's so funny about it. Tea parties are important social events with a lot of etiquette involved, and he will be nothing but the perfect guest.

Is a bit of a hardass who isn't good at things like 'humor' or 'levity'. One time he tried to make a joke and his siblings all stared at him like he'd just eaten a frog alive right in front of them. He's a very serious person in general, and a perfectionist with high expectations of both himself and others. He can't always recognize when those expectations for others end up hurting them, though.

He's a bit oblivious, and is thus the one who the others most often pull pranks on, since he probably won't even notice it.

There's a pretty big gap between the first three kids and the others— so Mallory left home when Malek was only 7. Mallory sometimes jokes that's why Malek grew up to be 'such a hardass'

Maleah - fifth born - daughter -> born the human way -> does NOT have a dragon form

Black hair, one green eye and one purple eye.

She was born very close after Malek— so close they're not even an entire year older than each other.

She's the only magicless one, and she's a bit insecure about it- especially because she looks so human. Her family all love her, of course, and she loves them too, but she's always felt a little out-of-place amongst them. It's a reason why she and Irina are particularly close, since that's something they can bond over.

She's a bit shy, a bit of a wallflower, and one of the ones Malina dotes the most on.

She really likes fairytales, and stories of knights and princesses and such. She wants to be something like one of the princesses in the stories, hopefully to meet her 'prince/princess charming' one day. She's a bit of a hopeless romantic in that way, also idealizing her own parents' story of how they fell in love. Though that may have ended up leading to her setting her standards a bit too high. Her siblings have lots of stories to tell about her 'crush of the month' throughout the years.

Malcolm - sixth born - son -> hatched from egg -> in human form -> has a dragon form

Pink hair and purple eyes

The one going through the 'THIS IS WHO I AM, MOM' phase the longest If you get his name mixed up with any of his siblings he WILL breathe green fire on you

He was born a while after Maleah— she was starting to become a teenager when he was born/- and his younger siblings Malindt and Malissa wouldn't be born until he was already in his teens, so in a way, he felt a little lonely, not having siblings very close in age to him.

The most interested in magic in the family Wants to forge his own path and be considered unique

Definitely has some chuunibyo delusions

Has a bit of a temper. Irina is scared he got that from her side— from her father.

Malcolm is very close with his father, who was better at getting through to him when he was angry than his mother was. Not at all due to lack of trying— she did try her very best. But it was difficult when, as a trauma-response, her instinct was wanting to placate him.

He had a small crush on uncle Silver as a young child

Thinks Malina can be a bit full of herself sometimes

Judgy

REALLY looks up to Leona and used to follow him around at any and all family gatherings (since, Tomoe and Irina are basically family, which would of course make 'family gatherings' include both their sides of the family)

Malindt - seventh born - child -> born the human way -> does NOT have a dragon form

Black hair and purple eyes

Malindt is very quiet and introverted, and they're selectively mute.

They really like playing the violin. They also really like blueberries! In food, and just the color.

They often give people they like small stones or acorns or leaves or flowers they found and thought were pretty.

They're very curious, and love being outside in nature, just running around forests exploring. They're definitely the most in-tune with nature out of their siblings. They love the quiet, the sounds of birdsongs…they wish they could live in the forest. Sometimes, they even think they were meant to be a tree instead of a person.

But they love their family a lot, and love it when their parents or siblings give them head pats. So instead of an actual tree, they'd prefer being something like an ent or dryad, so they could still move and be close to their family.

They've always been more an observer, not really trying to join in on conversations, instead just listening. They're fine with that, though.

Malissa - eight born - daughter -> hatched from egg -> in dragon form

Pink hair and green eyes

Literal ray of sunshine

When she grows up she wants to be 'a monster' She thinks having claws and a razor-sharp tail and sharp teeth would be so cool She sometimes plays at being a big monster who stomps through terrorizing a city

She stayed in her dragon form the longest, until she was about 4, refusing to change into human form for a while She still changes back pretty often to go flying She's STUBBORN Also Lucy, her bunny, was the plush Malina gave her :)

She often asks her siblings to play with her, but especially Malina, since Malina almost always agrees But she also really likes her older sibling Malindt They're the closest to her in age, after all

It's likely she has ADHD— she hates needing to sit still for longer than 10 minutes, and even then it's very difficult to her.

Tag list: @another-random-paradise @thehollowwriter @faefum @cactus13-rolloflammesimp @beneathsakurashade

@nyx-of-night @theolivetree123 @babyghoul138 @skibidibabygirl

#moony's ocs #twst oc #twisted wonderland oc #🐰irina #mallina 🐉x🐰#malleus draconia x oc #twst ocs #twisted wonderland ocs

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religion-is-a-mental-illness · 10 months

Text

By: Reid Newtown

Published: Nov 27, 2023

I grew up attending integrated public schools in Atlanta. From the start, I was used to being in the minority: I’m white and my friends were almost all black or Hispanic, and when I was a freshman in high school, in 2010, I came out as a lesbian. Neither my race nor my sexual orientation mattered to my friends. One reason for that was dance and music and the belief that my friends and I shared that art can change people, give them purpose, communicate something beautiful and transformative.

I moved to New York City when I was 18, but the day after George Floyd was murdered in Minneapolis, I was back in Atlanta visiting my parents, and I drove to my friend Sean’s house. He lived in a quiet, black suburb called Camp Creek filled with orderly, identical homes.

That night, I remember wanting to wrap my arms around my friends, to be there for them in what felt like this unbelievably dark moment. As the protests turned to riots closer to the heart of the city—just a few miles east of Camp Creek, near Centennial Olympic Park—Sean’s neighborhood stayed quiet.

But as soon as I stepped foot inside Sean’s house, I was greeted by the family dogs, and smelled the grill being fired up. There was a bowl of potato salad on the counter. Our mutual friend Khalil greeted me as if nothing was wrong, sweeping me off my feet into a familiar dance lift we’d done a thousand times. “Reidist!” he said.

Sean’s mom told me she was so glad I was safe, away from the neighborhoods being vandalized and, in some cases, set on fire. She shook her head as she prepared the hamburgers and hot dogs, as she always did in the summer. There were violent clashes all that night, and the mayor issued a 9 p.m. curfew, which meant, as usual, I would be sleeping over.

That night, all of our friends were there. There was a sense of deep-seated grief, and people wanted to be together, and they wanted to cry and hug and share stories. My friends—all black men in their early twenties—recalled run-ins they had had with the cops.

Being pulled over for no obvious reason while police dogs searched their car. Being roughed up. Being cuffed. Being called racist slurs. Being taken down to the station for questioning when they had done literally nothing. In the coming days and months, we donated to bail campaigns and posted a black square on our Instagrams. In June, we marched, and chanted, and we waved signs and demanded justice.

That summer, the world seemed upside down, violent, crazy. We wanted to make it right. What I couldn’t see then was that, far from making it right, we were on this spiral, and it was taking us somewhere dark: The world I had grown up in was being dismantled, and it was never coming back.

* * *

I grew up going to public schools just north of downtown. My kindergarten class resembled one of those stock diversity photos with one kid from every race sitting at a table together. I didn’t think twice about it. They were my friends.

I frequently had friends over at my house. My mom—everyone called her Mama Newt—hosted everyone no matter what they looked like or where they came from. No one left Mama Newt’s kitchen hungry.

[ Reid’s mother, “Mama Newt” ]

In middle school, the black kids started sitting with the black kids at lunch. The Hispanic kids with the Hispanic kids. The white kids with the white kids. I agonized over where to sit. All of my friends were at different tables.

I loved to dance, and I became captain of the step team. I was the only white girl on the team, and I stuck out, but the girls didn’t treat me any differently. There were jokes about how surprising it was that I had rhythm; we all laughed about it. Race was present, but it didn’t feel overbearing.

In high school, race and racial identity became more important, more talked about, inescapable. The dance studio was the only classroom that reflected the school’s diversity. Most other classes were de facto segregated based on students’ academic track.

The dance crew—we were like a sitcom. There was Sean, the music theater geek who was also a first-rate swimmer. Then there was Khalil, who was a firecracker gymnast and cheerleader—and hilarious. (People compared him to Kevin Hart.) Then there was Isaac, who was tall and lanky, a lacrosse player and preacher’s son. And then there was me. They called me “lil sis,” which I loved, maybe because I’d never had siblings. As an only child, my friends really felt like family.

[ From Left to Right: Sean, Khalil, Reid, Isaac, and Kwame ]

The studio was like a race-blind utopia, and it felt unreal, because it was: the moment you stepped out into the hallway, the intimacy and warmth gave way to a kind of unhappy, low-level tension.

Usually, that tension resided just beneath the surface. But not always.

I remember one day in 2011 there was supposed to be a big fight between the black, white, and Hispanic students. There had been an altercation a few days before between rival gangs, and it was near the end of the school year, when fights were more common, and someone started a rumor about a “race war.”

I stood in the middle of the courtyard and looked around at the various corners full of people siloing themselves into white, black, and brown factions. I had no idea which corner I belonged in. In the Hispanic section, I glimpsed Jessica Sanchez, who had taught me in the sixth grade how to throw a punch. I wondered what would happen if I had to punch Jessica Sanchez.

Luckily, security stopped it before it started, and everyone eventually returned to class as if nothing had happened.

The point is, the racial tension notwithstanding, we seemed to be moving in the right direction. Maybe I was blind. Maybe my whiteness made it impossible for me to see what was really going on in other people’s heads. I don’t know. I found my tribe wherever I found kindness and laughter. Wherever the bass was bumping, and people were dancing. The rest always seemed to work itself out.

* * *

In 2014, I moved to New York to go to Fordham University and the prestigious Ailey School of Dance. Alvin Ailey, who founded the school in 1969, was known for having said that “dance is for everybody” and “we are all human beings and color is not important.” I loved the power of art to transcend difference.

[ Reid and a fellow classmate at Ailey School of Dance ]

My high school sweetheart, a black woman I naively believed I would one day marry, started her freshman year at Harvard, where she immersed herself in the spoken-word poetry scene and acquired a new racial consciousness. I remember taking the five-hour bus from New York to Cambridge only to find myself sitting alone in her dorm, excluded from the party and poetry slam she’d gone to.

She said that she no longer felt safe being near me because I was white, that any physical affection I offered was me attempting to colonize her body.

Six months into college, she broke up with me.

At the time, I thought this was an anomaly—a sad derangement that came out of elite places like Harvard. I had no idea what was coming.

Dance distracted me from the hurt. My goal had been to make it to the professional Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater since I first saw Ailey’s Revelations performed at the old Fox Theatre, in Atlanta, and that feeling intensified after I attended Ailey’s Summer Intensive when I was 16—now that I was at the dance school I felt like I was on the cusp of getting in.

A hip injury put an end to that dream, but it didn’t really matter. I went on to dance professionally elsewhere—among other gigs, I spent three seasons as a dancer and stunt double on The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel—graduated from Fordham in 2018, fell in love once again with an older, Bengali-American woman, got my own apartment in Queens, and moved my dog, Tiger, a Pekingese-poodle mix, from Atlanta to New York.

I also started to think beyond the narrow confines of a New York City progressive, which felt increasingly small and myopic. I read books like The Coddling of the American Mind and The Problem with Everything and The Rise of Victimhood Culture. I started to disagree, silently, with my friends.

Then, in early 2020, my girlfriend and I broke up, and Covid happened. I was furloughed from my day job as a technician at a physical therapy clinic, and my dance gig auditions came to a halt. I got depressed being all alone in my apartment, and I flew home to Atlanta to be with my family.

A few days after I got home, George Floyd was murdered.

Suddenly, I felt this thing I had never felt: people viewing and talking to each other through the lens of race. Yes, I know, that lens had always been there. But there had always been other people, ideas, forces to counteract that. Our impulse to divide had always been eclipsed by a more powerful desire to come together.

But now the fissures were opening up, and it was impossible to sew them together. I remembered being broken up with six years earlier by my critical-race-theory-poetry-slam girlfriend, and suddenly it seemed like millions of people were breaking up with each other, walling themselves off. When I showed up at Sean’s house that night, his mom’s familiar embrace almost made me cry. Between social distancing and racial siloing, physical affection had started to feel foreign. I leaned into her hug hard, and she had to steady herself to keep herself from falling backward.

When the lockdowns ended, I went back to New York, but I couldn’t stay for long. My mom had always had multiple sclerosis, but now it was getting worse. My parents were everything to me: They’d supported my dancing; they’d supported me when I came out. Now, my mother was struggling, and my dad, forced to juggle full-time work and full-time caregiving, was overwhelmed, drowning in responsibility. I had to go home, and I wanted to.

At the time, I didn’t know you can’t ever really go home again.

* * *

By spring 2022, things were finally reopening, and we all wanted to go out and dance.

That night, at a club in midtown Atlanta, I was, as usual, the only white person. I was used to that, but this time it was different.

As I danced with my friends to classic southern hip-hop songs like “Knuck if You Buck” by Crime Mob, “It’s Goin’ Down” by Yung Dro, and “Walk it Out” by Outkast, I could feel the eyes around me searing into my back and head and legs and face. People pulled out their cameras and filmed me in disgust—as if I had two heads. They said things like: “Who does she think she is?” and “She shouldn’t be allowed here—I don’t care if she can dance.”

The worst part wasn’t how it made me feel, how out of place I felt in this world I had once thought of as an extension of home. The worst part was that the people in that room felt threatened by my being there. This seemed crazy to me, but it was undeniable. They genuinely felt unsafe and uncomfortable because of the color of my skin. They viewed me as an oppressor and a grifter looking to take—to appropriate—what wasn’t mine.

The world of dance, which had given me that precious language to communicate with anyone irrespective of who they were or where they came from, was fragmenting—consumed, like everything else, by our seemingly inescapable racialization and tribalization.

A few weeks later, I received an invitation to a party. At the top of the invitation bold letters stated: “THIS IS AN ALL-BLACK EVENT.” I responded to the friend who sent it to me and asked if they meant to wear all-black clothes. She responded, “Nah, it’s for black people only, but you know you’re the exception.”

I did not attend.

The self-segregation was suffocating. The most meaningful art and friendships in my life had come out of piercing through racial boundaries. Expanding my horizons. Now, it seemed like those horizons were closing in on me, my friends, the wonderful, collaborative, fluid, undulating world of dance that had infused my life with so much meaning. It felt like something was being lost forever.

I know, I know—we’ve been in this moment for three years, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told that setting aside my race, my whiteness, is a privilege. Does that mean we shouldn’t aspire to live in a world in which we all set aside our immutable traits? That we shouldn’t try to see beyond race?

Which brings me to the most amazing woman I’ve ever known.

After a couple of years of dating as a gay woman in New York, I was feeling discouraged. Everyone I had gone out with was a hyper-political leftist. They always seemed to be in the middle of a rant. Every date gave me an uneasy feeling for fear of saying the wrong thing—my views on race, sex, gender, you name it, were not in lock-step with those of my fellow LGBT New Yorkers. On edge and worried I would never find my person, I had almost given up dating entirely.

Then I connected with Bianca. She’s an elite marathoner and the daughter of Cuban immigrants, and she’s perfect: measured, kind, curious. The only woman I’ve ever met who could convince me to run a 5K and the only one who’s made me rethink some of my opinions about politics, identity, life, and the world.

I like to believe we were always meant to be, but I also know I would never have arrived at this place were it not for the ups and downs of the last few years. Before the summer of 2020, it was easier to feel or think or exist outside our superficial differences. We didn’t talk about these things with the same frequency or intensity. There weren’t as many landmines. Now, it’s more important than ever to discuss our differences—while also trying to see beyond skin color and demand that we’re seen the same way.

A few months ago, I had a ring made for Bianca using the diamond from my late grandmother’s wedding ring. I haven’t proposed yet, but we’re thinking maybe a small wedding with family down the line. As for Sean, Khalil, and Isaac—they’re planning on being my three best men.

[ Reid and Bianca ]

"Critical theory is a universal solvent, and the problem with a universal solvent is finding a container that can hold them. Spill enough and dissolve society." -- James Lindsay

#Bianca Newton #antiracism #antiracism as religion #racial division #critical social justice #critical theory #critical race theory #colorblindness #religion is a mental illness

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2thingscanbetrue · 11 months

Text

2 THINGS CAN BE TRUE (LYRIC BOOK)

(* = cut for time)

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SIDE A: PRXTTY 1) XGLY 2) BXCK XN 15TH 3) GRXWXNG PXXNS (feat. Paris Jane, KrisSoap & Chris Barnett) *4) TRXNA (feat. Vellum Bristol) 5) GXXD (feat. logan.jpg, Madi Laughlin, Keo, Paris Jane & Morgan Alexis) 6) PLXXN HXNDKXRCHXXFS 7) WXXT (feat. FAT MAMA & Vellum Bristol) 8) GXLD (AN ODE TO THE NORTH $IDE) 9) PRXTTY

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XGLY

one time in middle school this white girl named kacee called me ugly...she a crackhead now bitch where? i never seen ugly in my life, they tried to play me left cuz i didn't have the nikes, blue 32 but we wasn't yellin hike > & they stayed in my dad's trunk for a hunnid nights, ADHD in the hall i'm dancing, mr. mammoth ask if i want them fancies, everybody in the teacher's lounge is laughing, meanwhile i'm at the crib gettin my ass beat, ran to plainview one day, i did the track meet > soundtrack dave hollister & blackstreet, light blue shorts on, a nigga was matching, nothing but a beater & a napsack ask me, where i'm headed...ion't know > anywhere but here, where do i go? had headphones but they didn't relax me, pop had me fearin that the villians would catch me, every single time i would sit in the backseat, i be in my mind till a nigga attack me, the shit ugly but we keepin it handsome, lewis hubbard's favorite grandson helllll yeahhhhhhhhhhh >

when a nigga flip the script in yo face (it can get ugly 2x) when the chips is down and them niggas get gone w/o a trace (it can get ugly 2x)

when all you need is a shot but it's easier to keep you down (it can get ugly 2x)

couldn't prove it before, but everybody know about it now (it can get ugly 2x)

dumb ass niggas left to fend for themselves, see 6ix9ine, free YSL, never been down with a bullet in ya crown > so ya can't see how you'd ever need clientele > so yeah, i wire never been on me for my intel > but every time i'm in jail i get bail, the coins is different, & i'm harvey dent if i get tails > these niggas don't really know what life entails > on a cold wichita knight all i got is L's > niggas say life's a bitch? well shit i couldn't tell > stare blank at the black screen & pray they couldn't tell, where tf were you niggas when they needed help? > always wanna wear the pants when niggas needed belts > you'll hold it in ya hands just to give a nigga welts > always prayin for the juice GOD give a nigga welch > GOD give a nigga wealth right? nah, give a nigga SELF (don't nobody wanna hear that bullshit man!)

when a nigga flip the script in yo face (it can get ugly 2x) when the chips is down and them niggas get gone w/o a trace (it can get ugly 2x)

when all you need is a shot but it's easier to keep you down (it can get ugly 2x)

couldn't prove it before, but everybody know about it now (it can get ugly 2x)

i guess it ain't cold if the carots ain't froze, since when should my black thoughts be jack frost? when niggas say it's cars, clothes, money & hoes, i just look at em like "you hit it on the nose!" > that's all that these niggas want, get it on the poles! "get it on the flo, get it on the flo" pancake, chicken noodle soup on the stove, Boo tellin me deandre over hov > & to this fuckin day (deontay) on my soullllllll > i play that shit like it just came out, said it before, real shit don't play out, been there before, laid on the floor wantin my head banged out > still never once strayed from the course > and one day we gonna make our way out, the shit ugly but we keepin it handome, annie hubbard's favorite grandson hellllll yeahhhhhhhhhhh

when a nigga flip the script in yo face (it can get ugly 2x) when the chips is down and them niggas get gone w/o a trace (it can get ugly 2x)

when all you need is a shot but it's easier to keep you down (it can get ugly 2x)

couldn't prove it before, but everybody know about it now (it can get ugly 2x) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BXCK XN 15TH

it was always raised eyebrows whenever eye'd lash out told to keep my nose down not even cracked smiles i flipped the whole classroom around w/ my blackouts took four police officers fore i'd tap out nigga i ain't never duct nothing my eyes wide shut cept for prima at the bar when them guys lined up i just wanna be left alone, this nigga wanna fight > and it's prolly cuz he feel like niggas left him alone > and we did, you niggas is cheeks, and i got tired of turning mine, my back on the street face to the sky, labeled a thief no one believing the lie, we all know you was just cap thru ya teeth, only niggas who had yo back on 15th, rhyming like i'm back on 15th...

you told niggas you'd keep me off every stage in the city then proceeded to stay off every stage in the city, you ain't really known for shit in the city, when i say yo name it's just who's like a a grinch in the city, don't ever talk like you gon get me pinched in the city, it's lies, the scent and it's shitty please be advised, you played me like a fool and looked me between the eyes, then tried to play it off like you the one who survived all them late nights workin this like 9-5 > bustin live other side butterflies shuck and jive yhm folded who needed to come alive, and the whole time tryna give niggas my number 9 > it's cool tho, niggas is cujo, but i ain't finna run and hide > and the truth gon always come in time, i never claimed it tough but you ain't never sonnin mine nigga,

this is word to charlie mae rippin they lash out 4 in the morning when a nigga would crash out cooler and cookies i made a million in that house mice w/ no heat shit felt like a trap house nigga tried to scam us so we armed it to blast out said electric bill when it really was taxes patience is a skill right? we waited for that shit tried to intimidate when we was on rap shit, writing messages on windows > nervous of the crescendo, knocked my dad out and thought me and you would be ten toes 😂 y'all niggas smoking crack on 15th videos look like y'all back on 15th bet y'all wish y'all had a nigga back on 15th... i ain't spoke to tez since back on 15th tell em how yo cousin beat yo ass on 15th nigga

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GRXWXNG PXXNS (feat. Paris Jane, KrisSoap & Chris Barnett) (paris jane)

Complicated tough love runs down the lineage Any form of self love Sent on a pilgrimage Tried to find refuge In people much Less like you Come to find I couldn’t get past the residue And now it’s like Paris Jane think she better than us Nah you just think I’m better than you In actuality Ain’t That what Im supposed to do? Been scrapping barrel bottoms Ain’t a come up long overdue? But I gotta stay close under your thumb right? Can’t find myself runnin too Far past ya limelight. Just an extension of who you are I guess Then you cuss me out When I say I want some respect I can’t accept No more of you projections Acting like it’s a form of protection And i know i can’t blame you for the Mess we in But by now I feel like it ain’t a Question

You should grow up Still hurting from all the day I wished your love would Show up And when i started speakin for myself you fake Choke up Never understood that you hate how I Turnt out Tried to find my value in work Now I’m burnt out I pay my own bills and seem to always make it Work out No matter how solid the argument You ain’t Own up Mad at what you can’t control You should grow up. You really need to grow up

(marrice anthony)

i been everything under the sun but great > crumbling under the pressure blowing my lungs to say > fuck it, and now we at over a hunnid days with nothin, that picture of you holding me up collecting dust, still haven't talked cuz ain't much to discuss > you got numbers like i do, i ain't got shit but pressed buttons & haiku's, how is we rivals, bitch i'm in high school, bringing down something that was living inside you, now my daughter 7 and her daddy is like you, exited couldn't handle it but was prideful, had it up to here with the extra shit > when she ask why i ain't thug it instead of leavin i tried to > demand,

she gon grow up hating me baby i understand > fuck txny being man enough baby i'm not a man, say it in a letter to me, & i hope one day you grow up to be better than me > cuz i'm to up, still tryna keep shit tall but can't grow up, just wanna rest my head but can't slow up, somebody stop this train it can't hold up, all a nigga had was one job and i blew it, i can't say i knew it but a nigga kinda knew it, now instead of facing all my problems i'ma roll up > today was kinda hard, give that shit to God > or whatever for tmrw, nigga you needa grow up,

(krissoap)

Shit you do, I could never… .. I’m lyin’

Ain’t get my shit together…..

I’m tryin’

I used to let y’all irk me,, Now, I don’t really mind it.

I’ll only front like I’m at peace until I really find it.

I hold some principles I keep pretty simple Like, Whatever situation rent or Mortgage I’m into.

If you come up on my property Alarming my kinfolk, Yo dumbass gon have to pardon me discharging my pistol.

Up is always up Side-to-side is always side-to-side, no matter How you skew it or what portions you divide it by.

Pops and I a lot alike, Tho I’m not tryna ride a bike My son got my support, Whatever way to go he might decide.

miss me w/ the hypotheticals That might arrive.

Agree to disagree when shit Can’t be seen, Eye-to-eye. As far as petty preference shit?? Gotta leave it nappy,

If you caught up w/ some evidence,

Holla @ ya pappy.

Now l try not to show it.

I Keep scrapin by, I’m livin Check-to-check, it’s bogus

Opt to swap the focus. Cus shit done got redundant All this going through the motions, Got me down with my emotions. But To hell dat Emo shit.

Ima hold ya mama down As long as she devoted.

Ima put the effort in to raise you. You da motive.

You my son. You da homie. You just two, So you don’t know much

But ima watch you grow up Days why tf I show up

(chris barnett)

Never tried to be father of the year. Never thought that The Huxtables we're real. I only wanted to ensure that my children would never say that their father wasn't there.

My grandfather was my only example. Perfection, in my eyes, I could never amount to. 4 kids and I don't know what I'd do with you. We ain't perfect parents. Still tryna figure it out, too. More questions than answers. I ain't talking bout kids. That's for the parents. I ain't grow up in the world that they live and that's apparent So if I can't bring my kids the solution, I'll bring the effort. There's a lesson in love. I love the lesson. Our kids teach us so much but we miss the message. One thing that life taught us Is the greatest men are also active fathers.

And I'm just steady learning. Ways that I thought we're effective just isn't working. So I change up my approach cause they deserve it. Will I ever be perfect? Absolutely not. But I'ma give it everything I got And honestly, I may never get it right. There ain't no GPS for navigating life. Try to be patient with me. If something is wrong then we gon work it out as a team. Love.

*TRXNA (feat. Vellum Bristol)

TRXNA

now this is a story about how > my abusive stepmother got punched in the mouth, he shouldn't have hit her shit i ain't cappin bout it, but she treated me like shit so i was happy bout it, half the summers i would visit, i'd be in a cage > on punishment every day she loving me under foot > and i'm always lookin for marvin to whisk me away,\ liberation delayed, unexplainable rage > them ridgewood walls heard niggas argue every day, wonder what went awry, honeymoon hit the gate > no longer husband and wife more like angry roommates, would look at that lil rifle and dream of the day, only for a couple summers they would need me to wait, don't remember the year but it's like it was yesterday when yellin sprayed from front door all the way > to the bedroom, hearing expletives over marrie's oxygen tank, marvin called her a slut, i'm like "that's not cool" > she said "yep suckin and fuckin just like you", can't hear johnny tsunami, over mommy and papí, hurling insults and jumpin octaves > point of reference, one day i'm just doing my bid, tally marks on the wall, seriously i'm a kid, trxna walks by like "you done w/ this shit? clean the bathroom we'll act like this doesn't exist" i jump up out the bed, swirling around my head > all the episodes of batman beyond i've prolly missed > Levar in the other room w/ my sisters kickin it strong, up until this day i just sitting here alone so shit i'm hummin s club as i scrub the sink and, mother sneaks in like "are you singing?" i'm like yeah, and do you know what she did? told me cuz of that i was back on punishment, i'm two feet tall i was helpless and shit whack, so now i'm countin on marvin to get me my lick back >we switch back,

now they in the kitchen center of attention > trippin gettin intense and from a distance > we hear, they around the corner so it's only jeers, symone never seen this before so she in tears, monét got her face at the door the shit is fear, these niggas didn't know they parents and it was CLEAR, nobody figured how this incident would go, hand on his neck and she stepped on his foot tho > she 6'4" he 5'7" he couldn't have that, told her he would count before he turned it to mad max > flashback,

trxna's sprite just disappeared > house rules no soda less it's right before bed, house rules after dinner it's that or ice cream instead > and house rules don't ask who did it marrice did > so i'm behind the front door just doing my biddd > facing the wall a couple hours of this, my dad walks in almost hits me w/ the shit > turns to trina like "wtf this lil nigga did?" > she like "drank my sprite" he, looks back at me then her, then back at me > like, "nigga that was me!" she go oh my bad and send me back to my room > "my bad? bitch you owe me bout a hundred afternoons" seething! couldn't wait to send that bitch to her doom > STOP BREATHING, you gon be meeting the devil soon > and BOOM,

my dad's counting "get offa me trxna" she still talking, marvin: "get offa me trxna" > still barking, "one more time, get offa me trxna" > she kept scoffin and seemingly squeezing harder, then all of a sudden, the countdown ended then thud, marvin damn near knocked trxna out her scrubs, flew into the wall w/ her mouth drippin blood, she hit the bedroom and we knew what it was > and that's prolly why it took me so long to dip,| as a child retribution was hard to get > sorta like compliments > i ain't really understand it fully, i just know that my dad took down my biggest bully > after that everybody went to jail, trxna got out first she was done, i could tell, judge gave her the house for a week, my dad took me and we OUT, 9th and grove grandma house >

and that's it, i been tryna think of morals to this story > but the more i try to form it it feels forced, it isn't just to shit talk this memory's important, put it on wax cuz i didn't have the chance > to say this fore you passed > and i'm torn cuz niggas is sad, your kids are shattered here w/o you missing you bad > so on one end i prolly could leave this in the past, but on the other end it happened fuck if niggas is mad, just be thankful that i'm gifted with gab, keep in mind some years later had to fend off a lynch with a stab imagine dealing with this shit then forced to listen in class, so when i think of your mouth shining crimson i laugh, i don't condone violence against women but i must > say that that one day i liked it > and i ain't even want you to hurt you had to vibe us, push us to the side cuz wasn't room in the five > well now niggas is live wit a story that's all about how > my abusive stepmother got punched in the mouth > never forget that image of you slumped on the ground > hoping you finally felt the way i felt on the ground > with your foot on my back, you could never let me out > living hell back-to-back with the devil in my house, my dad's a piece of shit for that i'm leveled with it now > but at the same time i'm glad he took you down, 2 things can be true,

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GXXD (feat. logan.jpg, Madi Laughlin, Keo, Paris Jane, Morgan Alexis)

GXXD

i've tried everything, kept it calm when you were meddling > stalled on ever making them calls it never meant a thing, made a pause for niggas never involved, but when it came to us being dawgs > my phone didn't ring, what's the problem if it isn't me? thought we started talkin explicitly? i thought we'd open our hearts so we could to keep it peace? when really i give you my heart for you to keep a piece so in response i, give you the italy, STEP, giving space for the rememory, WRECKED, that's why i keep shit outta the songs i sketch, cuz these niggas treat it as simile > when really it is the centerpiece, the reason i'm still fighting to find this inner peace, and for a second i started to think it's in a piece, i gave you way more rope than i should > you left me laying there flat on my face, i'm good

we good

new heart new mind new life who dis, fallback champion baby i do this, throw a block party for y'all put you behind a wall > everything after that is shrugs and dubbed calls > tried everything, begged and copped pleas > unsettling, how i'm on my knees > and all fingers pointin down on me, not a woe but whoa > w/ all fingers you could count on me! bloodsucking like the count on me, either that or niggas playing like my daddy > spared the rod on me > on God on me, i was rock bottom w/ the rocks on feet, and you gon still say it's all on me, yeah, i won't even get hood on y'all i coulda, knocked you down and stood on y'all > but the best revenge is no revenge > the door is hinged, disrespectfully i'm good on y'all, i'm good,

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PLAIN HANDKERCHIEFS

i been opressed before i made a fist, thought my daddy was evil til he showed me his plain handkerchief, slavin on a hot stove while these niggas beggin me for ladle sips, everything was lit when it was bars over cadences, she don't know what the difference between rich & famous is > and i'm frustrated tryna explain the shit, you can keep the looks long as it look right where the changes sit, it don't even sound right how you niggas is phrasin it,

permanent marker, since you niggas like erasin shit, i know to the naked eye i prolly look like baphomet > and i'ma keep sayin it, you a undercard givin underhanded compliments, we just spinnin wheels till we clickin like the consonants, baby i just dominate that's how i show my dominance, still ain't got no time to die i know you niggas clockin it, heart can't ever regulate, beatin on that section 8,

raps look like essays, never have a weak day they start to call me tesfaye, and plus i'm short so i never trip on leg space, on my bitch's sunny side turnin down them egg whites, strong in my calcium, black woman breast fed, you can't get no soul from no muthafuckin website, i be in the clouds while you niggas like a test flight, press me on my dash & it's lit up like them check lights, fuck around & find out pussy this ain't sex ed, gave them niggas green lights got turned around & left read, steady tryna turn this negative into a positive, had to quit my day job & dealt with the consequence, workin out the kinks so i guess it's what you label it, never sober always out the way, what i make of it, for the last year i just been lowering my tolerance > they kicked it till they couldn't then they backed out like rhonda did, shootin for the stars until the moon feel like commonplace, i been on the road with my soul in a briefcase, i'da told diddy suck my dick on that cheesecake, i been on the grind do yo muthafuckin research, even if i fell i got up like i'm t-top,

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WXXT (feat. FAT MAMA & Vellum Bristol)

settle down, gotta bring my power level down, pick up the pot and put the kettle down,, my false starts had full stops, had to lay my head on level ground,

what do it mean when your words don't mean much, i been like a fiend, and shit been serene until it steamed up, tryna keep it a bean and clean cut but seems we at the seams tough i can't believe much,

that's all i'm tryna say, all i'm tryna, all i'm tryna say, i'm mad right now but i'ma stay,

harsh words don't soothe me much, act like i'ma leave but that's tubi, you do me how you do me, and truly, scoop me up, even when i'm parked at goofy, where tf you finna go, no other nigga had that smile as toothy, early in the morn w/ my jaw on bruce lee > you see sum that make you wan get fucked to sleep

all i'm tryna say, all i'm tryna, all i'm tryna say, i'm mad right now but i'ma stay,

dis ain't nothing i want, screaming at the phone, tryna act cheese while she's w/ nothin on, capiche she unleash the beast it's sum strong, flesh it out please believe i want it strong, but i ain't got the beats when grief's up in the home, believe me at least you see it's not for long peach i'ma beat but first i need it right, big ole prrr not curbing it for life, hurt has resurfaced first let's make it good, i ain't just into coolin it for the night, we just yelled at each other until you cried, sorry if i'm not concerned w/ laying pipe,

all i'm tryna say, all i'm tryna, that's all i'm tryna say, if it's whack rn then i'ma wait,

(FAT MAMA)

is it me, if i was there would you kiss me, is it me, if i was there,

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GXLD (AN ODE TO THE NORTH $IDE)

feeling like, fab & lil mo back in 03, > like we hit roll bounce for the soul tie, back when the thirst traps was in lofi, had me buggin on the gram wit it OD, i was tryna be the nigga with the most likes, at ya crib but ya mama didn't know me, one day go inside when ya folks slide, tho you couldn't keep quiet it was lowkey > madison, right up the, street from grove, white impala but it ain't 4 4's, most won't but my bitch gon go, damn they don't make em like this no mo, she don't give a damn that my wrist don't glow > that my hair ain't combed that my ribs don't show, cuz her nigga ain't worth shit so she like, long as i ain't gotta deal with this no mo and i got ya,

wait up, i gotta get my weight up, this gon make up for all of em them hours that you stayed up > and when i do, i choose you, like you chose me, i choose you, like you chose me,

feeling like, kid n play with the top fades, just when we stop worryin bout top 8s, i was linkin with a shorty with the box braids, over at mcadams by the bypass, she was cooler than the girls up in my class, i banged lupe & they ain't really like that, she was up on the science of the wu-tangs, show me poems that she wrote just to proof read,, but she didn't stay on the block > so them days without her felt grey on the block, wind didn't hit the same way on the porch > with them long ass legs in the way of it > AM to PM, even still today i be banking to see em > just prayin for a meet up, mighta moved around to the other side of town after while > but i always remained your vegeta, you know it right

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PRXTTY

it ain't pretty, whatever you think i am i ain't nigga, i don't even speak to fam we ain't cordial, way too much time i've spent, can't afford it, we ain't even entering into the same portals, you can see my side or not i can't force you, you ain't gotta cap my nigga it ain't for you, if i talk about you it's prolly cuz you was hatin, i don't got the mental to be frontin on no basic, saying the same shit, i got a life dawg, you got a side bitch, i got a wife dawg, you just a timestamp, get with the times dawg,,

it ain't pretty, coulda took my daddy out this bitch with that knife dawg, nigga kept beatin on my scalp on some bullshit, socked me out my mufuckin shirt at the bus stop, told me somebody always gonna control you, how ya own pop the first time you been gut punched, i be in my room dawg i ain't even do shit, father figures busta rhymes lu & q tip, ye jigga slaughterhouse nas & dilla dawg, niggas hit the superman i couldn't get wit y'all,, devon turned my song off in weights class, turned around & shit his basketball shorts in the hall, niggas couldn't take that i was flowing they hate that, now every time my shit drop i think of dawg,,

boy it ain't pretty, pops said somebody always gonna control you, i ain't felt controlled since sittin in home room, you from a place where yo children should owe you, wtf you mean dawg i don't wanna be here, fuck them high standards you be having me held to, FOR THE LAST FUCKIN TIME I HATE FOOTBALL, tellin everybody it's i don't wanna get hit, WHEN THE FUCK HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ME PLAY FOOTBALL, rap city 106 & park on the big screen, rocsi & julissa look good but i miss free, i know more jay-z verses than bible ones, couldn't even tell you who the last winning title was,,

nigga it ain't pretty, on the real y'all why our parents ain't fuck with us? never show us love but they tell us to toughen up, niggas bragging in they raps how they ain't got friends, yeah cuz the way you was livin done fucked you up, till you get some therapy and weed it will not end, yeah i smoke now i really used to be straight edge, life started lifing and a nigga said FUCK THAT, me and my baby mama ain't been on good terms, but she got me my first pack bitch i love you, michael took the kids and he put you on payments, bet you glad now that i shot him the fade huh? ya mama prolly chatting like it was my fault > well i ain't on the birth certificate, so SHUT UP, heard about them motions & you told niggas tough luck, till these niggas get it i'll be missing you butt head,,

it ain't pretty, i ain't punch this nigga to be daddy on weekends, this enough to put my fuckin neck in slipknot, i can't get my daughter so i'm fathering hip hop,,

nigga it ain't pretty,,

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side b: so yeah...now we don't talk 1) fuck you too! 2) two weeks 3) l&f (feat. Tangerine) 4) JAM!!! 5) sofia rose//2ND PLACE 6) my last song 7) ily 8) gn3 9) h&f (feat. Tangerine) *10) GET YOURS!!! *11) WICHITA!!! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

fuck you too!

fuck you too

some things be needed but prolonged, i already gave you the singing and slow songs, but how i'm sposed to see you & greet you with both arms, when you got alla that & ion't mean you no harm, even when it's dark out i give you my best, if it's outta pocket i'ma hold it to the chest, cuz i know you don't like, critique, and i know you won't bite so it's me, toxic but i'm like adjustments is key, the roughness is just the mystique, once you're accustomed you'll see, that Mother is struggling with things > and it must be you, but then i'm like...

if it's fuck me, then it's fuck you

don't trip you did it so don't start, you can stop feeding me bullshit go starve, i done hit the tipping point, it's yo cause, and if the fall break me in half it's yo cost, stupid, piece me back, go ahead push me off just to need me back, couple weeks then we relapse, then repeat, on my leash you feed me scraps > toxic but i'm like adjustments is key, the roughness is just the week, but then i'm like,

fuck you too,

huh, this nigga did, every single thing to make this nigga dip, jumpin on the scalp like this nigga wig, need to be mad at what this nigga did, every single day it don't stop,, start to make a nigga go sick in the head, keep the harsh shit to my thoughts,, so know that i'ma call you a bitch in my head > speak freely, used to think forever was a thing now a nigga on the fence like feeny, can't be both iron man and mcdreamy specially for a bitch who hate making things easy, i just need weed sad songs and a lil sangria, blockin out the world with my mufuckin feet up, AH, since the lot don't care, i'ma just go fuck off somewhere, i'm talkin no service on a boat, i just need to be somewhere and not somewhere, but you gon turn that river to a moat, and remind me that i ain't really got nowhere,, you got me by the throat, i keep saying if it's fuck me it's fuck you too > all them words you been throwing out cut like a knife > keep playing one day i'ma cut you loose,

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two weeks

you been on my mind erday, i just can't rewind enough times in a day > without frying the tape, i been tryna find why the Guy in the sky > would align us to skate, prior to __ the prime was escape, i wasn't hiding or trying to cake, shyly replied to a "hey", after a night i was like i done found me a bae, privately dying to say, this too good to be true and, pardon the enter-rusion, i'm under the influence of you and, i'm mostly likely to ruin > so sure you're not an illusion? > i'm fluent in rejection and i'm > worried bout feeling stupid, nothing at all, took me on a date lil something to drink > they had me stumbling and wantin to fall > twirling my hair in my hand > had me feeling like we the only ones in the bar, drunk in lyft junkin the car, hit the crib in a jiff it was tongue and a bra, 2 am they was hittin they man > but we was lunchin tmrw, couple dates it was great then it fuckin dissolved, left me irate wondering the cause like,

dag, that hit me where it hurt baby i won't act, i know i'm not the best but am i so bad, i thought we had a thang how can i go back, only been two weeks why am i so sad?

so what happened thought we was feelin some magic? don't know how this thing goes am i out of practice? so i'm askin i'm askin is it it or me? at least then i can sit or sleep and it's only been two whole weeks > so i can't rely on our history > and ion't even know what to say now, room got quiet for the breakdown, niggas wanna know what happened, i'm like you gotta ask them, had a nigga feelin like a rebound, couldn't even catch it on the back end, had me on the floor with the madness, so ion't even know if i can reach out, ion't even know...

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l&f (ft. Tangerine)

it's hard right now, ion't really wanna talk right now, small dog light bark right now> is you crying? lie me out to chalk right now > senses heightened, scrambling for a thought right now, & i thought i was a bison, heavy to the ground > now i'm lying on this mound hands tightened, right in, your lost and found...

wondering, why you got me doing all the guessing? chano said he ain't wanna write him a confessions > why is my development arrested > & why i can't imagine you invested > you told me you'd be straight up > but why i'm feelin slanted every second? on my way out but you had me intercepted, yeah, you had me in a second, round of applause, you had me in a mess with, my head down making thousands of calls like... wow, she gone? how? we was bound to the arm! in the ring shop browsing the jawns! now it's insom, nia denouncing the calm, i just wanna take you out like it's prom, but maybe it's too late for that > before i fade to black you'll be my channel orange,

but what i found is, what we founded, can't be lost, i'll pay the cost > you can count it, cuz when this hothead defrost > it's easier to get this shit across, but...it's hard right now, ion't really wanna talk right now > but even after all that i'ma be right here, cuz you all that i got right now,

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JAM!!!

i'll send out a message, don't need to hear back, if you put some distance, keep shit where you at, don't be running game just to try and run it back, jumping out the blue finna make a nigga black, shortness in this fuse i refuse to interact, 30 in my groove i'm just moving with some tact, but i ain't holdin shit and if you swing i'm swingin back, and you need it vertical then it can just be that, THAT'S A FACT

like damn, niggas really hate me bro i do not understand, if i say that i'm the best it's cuz that's what i am, no need to explain it we can come to understand, that your silence is dope to me, that shit is my jam,

i am not yo nigga, i do not play fakes, you put hands on women, i do not save face, we can keep it pigeon, you can play it safe, but if this shit go south we givin alabama shakes, this ain't dr. phil this ain't montell or ricki lake, bitch i said it and i meant it this is not up for debate, nigga show got canceled playing like commercial breaks, pussy we been onto you, you the one who late, YOU A PLATE,

OH DAMN, nigga tried to bait me musta forgot who i am, nun my niggas stingy even passed it to the fam, nigga tried to take a stand and got turned to a SCRAM, niggas put the beats on you and that shit was my jam,

yes, floss it if you bossin niggas besta come correct, word vomit got you with them faucets in yo neck, you was outta pocket and i put yo ass in check, THEN I KEPT ON BARKING CUZ I GIVE YOU NO RESPECT, niggas got it twisted shits don't even touch they neck, ______ this the sound of all the niggas at yo set, we movin the needle now, you niggas can jet, and say it to yo audience before you try to flex, man that shit look hot up there, you could use some fans, i ain't see nobody there, shoulda called the fam, them niggas talk down to me and forgot who i am > keith sweat track 11 nigga THAT SHIT IS MY--

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sofia rose//2ND PLACE

sofia rose all this back & forth keeping me on my toes, tension thicker than sofia rose, and here i am forgetting codes, all combos to stop from throwing bows > Mama wanna find ctrl but it ain't sos > more like, soshana, watching it burn, pocket the ash you got what you earned, all this theater for it to be bombed in the rows > the clock in my sock the shots at the do', we about to bring it all home,, put it by the bedside, you feel that fireball in yo chest on the left side? ain't no horizon in that, this is pride & you can have it i ain't fighting for that,,

set drama the lights not up,, admonish my best i'ma,, get gonna and let shit line up > i'm just tryna, find us, higher ground but, you'd rather be my hell on high water, kept it 5'2" and not an inch taller, must've found the heart of dumballa > the switch, overall shed light on you doll, yeah we family & that family made me rival you dawg > look like my mama so it's trauma at the site of you dawg it be ya own blood stumping out that family tree, cuz when the shit cut down it don't matter the rings, extended an olive branch it's like walking a tight rope, cuz one slip of a line and i fall in the street, look inward n word, accountability is hard to find, i'm sure you've had the thought a thousand times, but the crowd favorite never gotta compromise, saying dumb shit but people view you calm & wise, on your end i'm sure the story has been falsified, you had your take so how i'm wrong for mine? you got that monkey on ya back & then that mufucka started flying,

___

put ya hands on me out of emotion,, in this divide what is the quotient > got ya best friend stepping in, outspoken, might've been off but couldn't focus > all i know is you view me as a threat cuz i'm bigger than you, i'm not wrong & i refuse to be the villain for you, or stifle feelings to hit a low ceiling for truth > and all them cards & calls you sending isn't a truce > all this, verbal & mental abuse > college grad so it's malicious you being obtuse, i expect the world leave me out to cold but it's bold > when those you held down the ones who did it to you, all this back & forth keeping me on my toes, tension thicker than sofia rose, cuz in front of the lens it's one thing > but you know how it goes, if you know you know

my last song

can't let my 30's be the lot of my story, might have to debo God + ask what he got on my 40 > poorly handling every misstep skipped prep + floored it > my former, not at peace penalized + underfed, only decompression i ever got was a beat, so i rapped about rapping as far as the eye can see > i'm sane since thirteen i'm the same right? capiche > analyzed the whole crowd every time the pastor preach like, that man is abusive, rap hands still exclusive, can't stand on my two since, i'm a child > black hands on my noggin, sagged pants got suspension, feel like jail in this kitchen, every morning is tension, all my woes weren't mentioned, i just sat in my room, cries + pleads for attention, turned to sleep in detention, when i put it on my wall it wasn't cuz i was a teen, it was cuz i just wanted to be seen, but you never saw,

you loved your women, you loved your cars, you loved your brown cigarettes + medals for your cause, you left me in the hospital stitches + gauze,

+ honestly i ain't even that strong fr i'm just tryna make it back home fr, but if i don't get right, i think this might, fuck around + be my last song fr

all i wanted was my stereo + sneakers, all you wanted was appearances + features, all you talked about was war, 17 in the force, meanwhile i'm 15 staring at you while you speaking like, what are you saying to me? i'm not a parent but then apparently, neither are you, you wasn't ready for this + still you seeing it thru, just a house full of strangers your bedroom was a commute >

my only solace was compiling it in song, until you came along, i had a fuckin mountain, so now when, i think about the therapy you sent me to, white man little water fountain > i clown it because the truth, only therapy i wanted you would take from me, i still carry it around + it's aging me > the only boy in the blood + couldn't even get a hug > i just wanna know the reason why you hated me cuz,

you loved that navy, you love yo friends, you loved my mama, + i can't win, i see my future, + that shit spent, i ain't had it good since i was ten, that ain't even that long fr i just hope you miss me when i'm gone fr, cuz if i don't get right, i think this might, fuck around + be my last song fr

the young boul that you couldn't love, i'm good despite never being good enough, the young boul that you couldnl't love, you think it you but you shouldn't love, i'm sorry you wasn't good enough, but if you here then you good enough,

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ily

there's a reason why i don't call ever, to hear you talk about the fall weather, or jump states to cut cake > my whole life you felt like a pump fake like we ain't fam, playing favorites mocking me every day it seems + till this day you treat me like i'm a kid i just be asking you for help but you be giving me shit, eyes rolled like here we go same song + dance i know how to get a job i'm a grown ass man but in that vein i gotta thank you cuz your hurt helped me stand out, i never ask for a hand out i don't have much but i work hard for what i need & never give up, i fall just to get up, i'm tall in my spirit cuz in flesh you always cut me down i made peace w/ neglect on them cheyenne steps > w/ respect you suck highkey, but i just wanna say i love you, even tho i know you never liked me, i take mental snapshots of me seeing you ill then couple that w/ fond memories of cleaning your grill + mowing your lawn at 10, having to keep my head off the seat after a trim, looking at my uncle + the pain in his eyes like he's losing a friend, wanting to know why i ain't feel like him, the emotions cold then a flashback to 12 years old, when you i told me killed my mama now i know why you never put me first, even at your hearse i'm thrown in like "here nigga damn", watching my sister, + my cousin crumbling at the stand, meanwhile yet again i'm left off the program but cool,

i take the hint in death, the feeling's mutual some gon say i ain't have the chance to get used to you i could've done it spiteful but nah, i say this w/ a broken heart that i love you, even if i ain't like you,

this might be the realest shit i ever wrote, lookin at my mama thru a telescope, smoking cigarettes at her vanity, the only time i was like "this is family", this city burned down my home so i can't remember, now all that's left is these faded pictures, + this dining room that shook when i paraded in it silence in the living room looking out the window of the babysitter's, when does mom come home, that golden cavalier pulling up in the driveway now it's just a garage space, w/ a shiny blue light to make the night quake, nowadays it's just not worth the time change, took a moment, to lay this out in white chalk, we might talk but we know what it is sleeping under detroit's night fall hurt, cuz i know i love y'all to the moon + back, but i don't like y'all,

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gn3

i'm pretty sure you heard this whole thing before i wrote it, you know my thoughts before i say em but i never told ya, how sorry i am for running you up the wall > w/ a million other things on your plate, i never saw > how hard you worked, the stress lines when my principal would call your work, marrice trippin again, tried therapists + riddlin > the pews to the belt ain't make a difference > nigga just wasn't listening > now it's too late to buy you flowers, or pay for ya car, send you off to a weekend w/ ya friends to the spa > to make up for it, it came w/ a cost, you off in paradise while i'm stuck missing your calls > my phone don't ring no more, at least not the same, sometimes i wonder even if you even miss me, w/ no direct line to speak to my sunshine, i really just pray that you forgive me, cuz i'm not sure,

i got my ass straight up whooped ain't no timin out, now i know it's abuse but i was wylin out, soccer games + t ball, church every sunday > n64 + power rangers galore > in this little house, rode in betsy like a jet ski, 2004 i started to be a chore, sent me off to kansas now i'm left at the morgue, w/ a shell of a woman who really couldn't afford > to be dealing w/ a failing marriage, + a headstrong boy who's acting out > i needed that cap + gown > but i made you feel like a bad parent, like you fuckin failed, 18 years later i'm still dumb as hell, but w/ that tho i live in regret, i know down in my heart that i'm doing my best > + that's all you ever expected so until i'm dipped > buttered in heaven, may the Lord keep you rested cuz i'm not sure,

i haven't spoken to you in ever, in voice or in heart > even forgot how you sound + it tore me apart, way before the touch screens you'd dearly depart > clutch dreams to see my spitting image in a feminine > cart,

my God, she is the seamless version my guard, ian > ang is living in my stars > my reason to resist death, resend my regards to the chef > my enlarged kept beating, lying on the floor > counting dots on the ceiling, crying out for more > you appeared in a breathing vision straight from michigan's core screaming,

get up + so i got up > + made a promise to never lay back down > in style of, your determination, you deserve amazing, i feel you slipping + i'm scared to be w/o, just keep me close till i make it out,

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h&f (ft. Tangerine)

sorry baby i know i'm not real communicative, number one rule of thumb and i scraped it, maybe i need a satellite signal, broadcast to all my old favorites, "i'm not mad just hurt, save a place for me", when it's squared away i'ma circle back, i'ma always try, even if it's tri, still gon light yo phone up even when it's dry, your fingers in my palms felt like sandpaper,, you must be nervous i can see it in yo eyes, showed up to the set lookin pretty in white dolo, lookin like a cup of bobo with cinnamon thighs > my feminine side, sensitive to seeing you, wonder if you seeing me or seeing thru, didn't put that ice on that wound like i needed to, now i just want you to say my name like it's beetlejuice >

i made you a plate, and you barely ate, you said it was great, you even stayed late, made another plan for a date then ghost, pick it up from my lens, what the fuck you mean healing and friends?

opened that chest up but then i sealed it again, every time i think i'm numb i start to feel it again, went to reach out i'm blocked so i conceal it again > hey bloody, here i go rappin bout bitches again > maybe they ain't get my first message, i'ma send it again > fuck, blocked on both pages can't spin it again > i think it's me, then remember that it isn't again > still i'm defeated, head down timid again > reminding myself, action vs intention again, see you out and it's tension, averting eyes, you ain't gotta play i know that i was lookin fine, and you know i got it hot when it was cookin time > house special, the way i, made them little legs shake i, had you thinking this dick was AI,, and not just cuz i crossed over they eyes, it was too good to be real, guess chivalry was killed > and i brought it back like a séance, after that it got darker than draymond or djimon > a lovebomb, maybe they just needed some dick > to ride on, hold on, got this clown suit i'ma try on > cuz i waited a week, just tryna feel it again, opened my chest up but you sealed it again > cuz it was phony, you pulled up put the pussy on me > then told me you had to focus on healing & friends,

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GET YOURS!!!

nigga i'm deceased,, i ain't seen a dollar in about a couple weeks, hand over the counter tryna counter the receipts, finger to the timer lil mama needin sneaks, sorry baby daddy gotta figure out the lease, happy that i showed up to yo mama's w/ the least, i ain't have the commas i been off tryna release, had to find a balance i been back n forth w/ balance > for a credit score yellow or red like the chiefs, ain't no tippin on 4's i was slippin on 3's, never hit the goal i'ma flip it in the streets, clickin in the code but they sayin it's a breech, sayin it's a reach if you sayin issa beach i'm just sand > hard pebbles in the feets > underground till the ground have me sleepin under sheets, nigga i been eatin cheese and crackers for week, you really on my bumper for a beat?

i ain't bullshittin i'm just takin my time, you gotta be patient when you fuckin w/ mine, you really gotta get it, my nigga i'm tryin, it ain't like you ain't comin w/ me we on the climb > but this type of thing happens all the time, you gotta get yours and i gotta get mine

i'm not tryna be an asshole i just want the maxo, cream i can lasso > pushin up to onyx w/ the dash glow, but it's all a gimmick w/ no cash flow > so i'ma channel my best jigga until they say the jig is up > the finisher: zero point zero on the points > got me reachin for the indica, i ain't got a moniker or emblem > they crying bout promotion > well nigga i been tryna get the word out by knockin it on seneca > and harry and grove it's scary to know > my very, existence depends on the ascension > i'm missing the soul, siftin thru songs like "what did i get wrong?" > i'm runnin out of stones > w/ the snap of a finger i'ma be lifted out of robe > to a seat at the table w/ the suits spinnin the globe > as i'm sittin there at my best, i already know > what one of em finna say before i get my coat

like here's the papers nigga when can you sign, a couple little swoops for the money and shine > you don't wanna miss out you come a dollar a dime, you're not the only talent we just happened to find > you know this sort of thing happens all the time, you gotta get yours and i gotta get mine, this kinda thing happens all the time, i gotta get yours and you gotta get mine >

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whumpcereal · 2 years

Text

whumptober, day twelve: "mayday, mayday!" | cave in | rusty nail

Have a little historical whump one-off, with Jimmy the ill-fated ball turret gunner. We'll be back to our regularly scheduled Jack, Joe, Tommy, and Will very soon, but today's prompt was a hard one for those boys.

content warnings for: character death, hurt/comfort, plane crashes, meditations on war, adult language

one shot, the mechanics of letting go

“Oh, fuck! Mayday, mayday, MAYDAY!”

Jimmy can hear the crackling message through his headset, but it’s the sharp drop of his gut that really clues him in that things are about to go south. Literally. The plane lists suddenly and starts to dive. The fuselage’s belly is wrapped in black smoke, and even surrounded by the glass of his ball turret, Jimmy can’t see a fucking thing.

He doesn’t need his eyes to know they’re going down.

“Are we hit?” Jimmy screams into his mouthpiece. “Bert, Parker, are we hit?”

There’s no reply. The engines whir above him, their buzz so loud that Jimmy feels like his ears are full of bees. His body rattles as the plane jars, and he grips the controls. There’s nothing to shoot at, not when you’re falling out of the sky, but it’s steadying somehow.

“Only two things fall from the sky, James,” his father said before he left. “Bird shit and assholes. You might be one of those two things, but I doubt it.”

He shook Jimmy’s hand like they were strangers, and he’d tried to smile, his watery blue eyes betraying his fears.

Jimmy wonders what his father will say when the War Department knocks on his door. He should understand. He did his fair share of dog fighting in the Great War. But still, he’d told Jim he wasn’t sure it had been worth it.

“I fought so you wouldn’t have to. What’s wrong with the world, son? Why don’t we ever learn?”

Gravity claws at the bomber now, and Jimmy feels the pressure in his back molars. He feels like the ground might be in spitting distance. Still, there’s no one on the radio, no call to bail out. Even if he heard one, he might not have time to scrabble for his chute; there’s not enough room in the turret to keep it on.

Jimmy’s eyes catch on the photo wedged inside the metal edge of his porthole. Annabeth, her lips painted dark and her blue eyes smiling, even in black and white. He closes his eyes, just for a second, and he sees her as she was the night before he left: the arch of her back against his cheap jersey sheets, the way her hair tumbled free and wreathed his pillow in red curls. The taste of her. The smell. Like powder and peaches and brown butter.

“Don’t be a hero, Jim,” she told him. “You come back to me.”

She took his hand and pressed it against the nascent swell of her belly.

“Come back to us.”

He’d kissed the soft skin next to her navel and promised he wouldn’t let her down.

Another engine blows, but Jimmy keeps hold of the guns. He closes his eyes again and forces himself to breathe, even as the plane hurtles lower.

There’s no exercise in basic training to prepare a guy for this. The mechanics of a crash, sure. The mechanics of letting go, not so much.

“Do you know, Jimmy,” his mother said before she went, “I like to think that when I see you in heaven, you’ll be two-years-old again. I couldn’t hold you enough then. It’s something they don’t tell you–the way you’ll miss your children when they grow. Will you let me hold you in heaven?”

He was thirteen then. It hadn’t seemed manly to agree. But Jimmy knew now. He would let her hold him. If Mama’s arms were what was waiting on the other side, he would fall into them gladly.

He wonders if she will be glad to see him. Or will she be disappointed? Will she ask him why he came so soon?

The earth is close, it must be, and the plane feels like it’s tumbling faster.

“Parker! Bert!” Jimmy cries into his mouthpiece. “Anyone?”

He’s used up precious seconds he did not have shouting into the void, waiting for an order that will not come. There’s only one order that matters in situations like these, and it isn’t Bert’s.

The smoke ebbs, and Jimmy can see the ground. A carpet of green, with trees growing suddenly larger, like some kind of Wonderland trick.

It would be beautiful if it weren’t going to smash him to a pulp in a matter of seconds.

The turret kisses the trees, and Jimmy braces himself.

He can’t answer his father’s question: he doesn’t know what's wrong with the world or how a skinny kid who still has spots on his skin can find himself hurtling toward death in a flying fortress a million miles from home.

He isn’t a hero, and he did not try to be, but still: I’m sorry, his heart whispers to Annabeth’s. He knows he let her down.

But there’s a breath, just before the turret finds the ground, before the metal and glass cave in around him. Before he goes.

In that breath, he hears his mother.

Oh, Jimmy. I’m so glad to see you again.

He doesn’t feel the slice of glass shards when the turret shatters or heft of the twisted metal when the fuselage comes down on top of him. He is not broken, and he is not cold.

Jimmy is small and warm, and he is wrapped in his mother’s arms.

#whumptober 2022 #no.12 #mayday mayday #cave in #oc #fic #character death #hurt/comfort #plane crashes #meditations on war #adult language #say hello to jimmy #a cutie patootie that you will never see again #because he's dead

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psalacanthea · 2 years

Text

Thanks @oxygenforthewicked for the WiP Wednesday tag! I’m not writing this week due to Reasons, but I dug this out and I hope it’s amusing. Texting Thursday? IDK. Lol. A little Darian Tabris x Zevran Arainai x Liana Mahariel (plus baby Adaia)

Arainai/Mahariel/Tabris Family Chat

...

Darian: So say somebody got rested last night

Darian: Arrested

Darian: But they already got bailed out and theres no charges filed

Darian: Because someone had proof of

Darian: Hang on autocorrects not getting it

Darian: Excessive force

Darian: The **** Templar’s Office isn’t going to file charges cousin **** threatened to release video of them threatening to curb stomp me when I stopped them beating on um this mage ****

Zevran: Don’t use speech to text. You always get angry at it. 🖤

Darian: I’m tired of **** spelling things wrong shut up and listen okay

Darian: How I get it to make a question

Zevran: You have to say question mark.

Darian: They kept me overnight just to scare me **** cowards like I ain’t been in jail before I burned down **** Denerim once

Darian: Well three blocks of it anyways

Zevran: Your wife wants me to tell you that she’s going to kill you.

Darian: **** why’s she just my wife?

Zevran: My wife would never have a reason to get so angry. Obviously. I do not get caught.

Darian: That’s not how it works she’s your wife even when she’s mad at me

Zevran: Did you get video of you fighting them? I’m assuming that is what happened.

Darian: Yea I got the whole thing Shianni recorded it

Zevran: Send it I want to watch. 🗡️

Lia: NO.

Darian: Hi bby

Zevran: That is my cue to open a bottle of wine.

Lia: You put that video on a physical storage device and delete it off of your phone RIGHT now! How many times have I lectured you about data security?

Darian: lol

Lia: Derry don’t you dare laugh this off. I’m very serious. You need backups, you need physical storage, and you need to delete it off your phone.

Darian: Love you baby

Lia: What does that have to do with anything?

Darian: I got **** arrested and this is what you’re worried about it’s just cute as ****

Zevran: It is extremely cute.

Lia: Yes it’ll be very cute when the Templars you upset show up at your door, take your phone and destroy it, and beat you to within an inch of your life. Do you not remember what happened in Amaranthine to Anders?

Zevran: No love that doesn’t sound cute.

Lia: You’re not helping.

Zevran: Oh. I was not trying to help. I am a neutral party in this debate.

Lia: Data security isn’t something we can be complacent over!

Zevran: 😂😂😂 🖤

Darian: **** lol

Lia: Just…send me the video and delete it, please. I’ll handle it.

Zevran: Hi da

Darian: Baby girl! Hi Adaia are you being good for mama and papa?

Zevran: No

Darian: Lolol

Lia: At least your daughter is honest.

Darian: You gotta try baby girl. Da will be home soon and then we can cause trouble together

Zevran: She handed me my phone back and said: I’m too tired for this

Darian: Gee wonder where she got that from

Zevran: [image ID: an elven toddler with dark brown curls, golden eyes, and sunglasses on top of her head is dressed in a fuzzy purple bathrobe and Griffey Griffin cartoon character slippers. She’s holding a wine glass that’s much too large for her, full of pale effervescent liquid. Her face is painted with garish makeup and a child’s attempt at drawing Vallaslin, and her tiny fingernails have been carefully painted black.]

Darian: IS THAT FUCKING WINE?

Lia: …Derry it’s sparkling grape juice. Baby wine.

Zevran: Seriously love?

Darian: Can’t you put it inn one of her little plastic cups or something shell break it

Darian: We don’t have many good dishes

Lia: You bought that wine glass from the dollar store.

Zevran: Did he really think we would give her wine?

Lia: From a man who spent the night in jail, no less.

Darian: 🤬

Zevran: 😂

Lia: Good job successfully changing the subject, Zev.

Zevran: 😏 😏 🖤

Zevran: Addy wants you to do my nails, too.

Lia: Do you want black, purple, orange, or holographic sparkles?

Zevran: Orange with sparkles. Do you do Orlesian tips?

Darian: That sounds like a sex thing

Lia: It really does.

Darian: GTG babe sweetie I will try not to get arrested again

Darian: Love

Zevran: I love you. Addy loves you too.

Lia: I love you, please send me the video. Have Shianni delete it, too.

Darian: Data security

Zevran: Data security!

Lia: 😒

#Tabris x Mahariel x Zevran #zevran arainai #Adaia Tabris #WiP Wednesday #sort of

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affluenzafm · 9 days

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you know you love me.

Meet LUCAS VALIERI, or if you read the Anti Grapevine, THE KING OF CHAOS. He is a 24 year old REALITY TV STAR, that currently resides in THE UPPER EAST SIDE.

He is known around the city for his ALLURING & IRRESPONSIBLE demeanor, but they may be hiding something… HE HAS BEEN FEEDING THE TABLOIDS ANONYMOUS LIES ABOUT MIA, CASTING DOUBT ON HER CLAIM THAT HE IS THE FATHER OF THEIR CHILD.

LEONARDO BRUM, CIS MAN, HE/HIM.

The Valieri family was once known for elegance and poise, but nearly single handedly, Lucas derailed that. His mother’s attempt at keeping the family name known via reality TV only gave his antics and chaotic behavior to an audience. The way Lucas sees it, consequences don’t exist for him. Why should they? Any mistake he's made has been solved with a big check and thinly veiled threats. Life has always been a never ending party -- He's never had to work for anything, never had to worry if things would work out. While his classmates were worrying about getting into Ivy Leagues and networking with the right people, he preferred to spend his time at his parent’s member’s only club, drinking top-shelf tequila. Besides, being book smart was never his strong suit; He's always been known for his sharp tongue and short fuse, which has landed him in plenty of situations either his mother or sister have had to bail him out of. He may live without regard for, well, quite literally everything around him -- But even Lucas knows he can't keep this up forever. Eventually, he's going to have to face up to the consequences he's avoided so narrowly, whether he likes it or not.

it's all about who you know.

JANE VAUGHN. younger sister. Lucas and Jane have a complex dynamic, but despite the occasional clashes and lingering feelings of bitterness, there is a deep-seated care and understanding between them. They share a bond forged through shared experiences and childhood memories, and when it comes down to it, they are there for each other, offering support and a sense of familial loyalty that surpasses their past rivalries.

MIA JONES. ex-girlfriend, baby mama. At one point, Lucas thought he and Mia would last forever — She was the Bonnie to his Clyde, only instead of death their relationship ended with an unplanned pregnancy during their senior year of high school. He never wanted kids, nor is he sure how to be a parent. Though it may be cruel, he doesn’t want to learn. As far as he’s concerned, Mia let him off the hook, and he has no obligation.

JOHNNY DIMARCO. close friend, bad influence. Lucas and Johnny have a long, messy history with one another — One peppered with an arrest record, black out nights, and a plethora of bad decisions. It’s a friendship that’s always bred chaos, resulting in more than one scandal online. They bring out the worst in one another, and it’s only a matter of time before they make a mess that can’t be cleaned up.

this character is taken.

#lucas valieri #lucasv #all #t #ues

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arpov-blog-blog · 7 months

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“I need to show that I'm stronger in South Carolina than New Hampshire,” Haley told Meet The Press on January 28. “It certainly has to be close.”

There was a logic to this: Haley hails from South Carolina and she’s its former governor. Republicans in her home state have been pulling the lever for her for nearly twenty years. They know her. If there were any state where she’d have the chance to challenge Trump, South Carolina was it.

But Haley’s plan has gone to hell: Polls show Trump is leading Haley by 30 points—more than twice his New Hampshire margin. It turns out that in South Carolina, with the people who know her best, Haley is doing worse with both Democrats and Republicans.

“Nikki Haley on behalf of all of us, lose our number,” a South Carolina Democratic voter named Debari Barber posted Friday on Facebook.

That post touched a nerve among fellow black voters, Democrats, and independents, prompting 2,100 favorable shares and 530 supportive comments before Barber made it private. The volume of the response was unexpected for Barber, a 41-year-old banking analyst who told The Bulwark she just wants the Haley spam to stop. Barber said she keeps replying “stop” to the messages and blocks the number, only to have a new phone number text her more pro-Haley content.

“My cousin’s son is only 12 and he keeps getting text messages and he started asking ‘Mama, who is Nikki?’ It’s just aggravating,” she said. “Take us out the group chat. We don’t want to be in it.”

No one who supports Haley is able to tell me what state they think she will win. In addition to the Haley campaign’s efforts, the pro-Haley SFA Fund super PAC is mailing Democratic voters to remind them that they can still vote for Haley if they didn’t cast a ballot in the Democratic primary.

“Nikki is attracting a wide range of voters,” her campaign spokeswoman, Olivia Perez-Cubas, said in a written statement. “If you go to her events, you see conservatives, independents who feel they don’t have a home in either party, and Reagan Democrats who are frustrated with Biden’s policies. Trump lost races we should have won in 2018, 2020, and 2022. If Republicans want to start winning again, we need to be a story of addition, not subtraction.”

But there’s only so much support Haley can earn from South Carolina voters like Danny Davis, a 36-year-old chef from Rock Hill who also never voted for Haley and said she never will.

“The text messages are very weird,” Davis told The Bulwark. “She has texted me more than Biden. It’s very asinine that she’s texted people she was supposed to represent but she didn’t do a good job doing it when she was in office. It’s pandering at best. She didn’t really care about Black people before.”

Dawson dismissed that last remark as unfair and pointed out that Haley, as governor in 2015, removed the Confederate flag from the South Carolina State House, which Haley referenced on Monday during an event in Sumter.

Join now

Putting Haley’s record aside, she would struggle with turning out black voters or any group traditionally not aligned with Republicans in a Republican primary, said Scott Huffmon, a pollster and political scientist at Winthrop University in South Carolina, who released a survey last week showing Trump beating her 65–36 percent in the state."

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castle-dominion · 1 year

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castle 6x23 for better or worse

the wedding episode liveblog, or the caskett wedding or the first wedding or the attempted wedding, or the b-ex-ett episode, kind of reminds me of that felony melanie movie...

Ooh rick castle signature

oOH ROOFTOP VENUE! RC: It’s too bad Beckett didn’t want to bungee jump off the side of the building for our big exit. Now that would have been cool. Me: YOU'RE SO RIGHT BESTIE

Gerard <3 *grabs forms* Fwewp! out!

Clipping! *crash to the floor in bloopers* Gates <3 She called she texted AND she emailed. Black shoes XD *PASSES THE FILES TO ESPOSITO AGAIN*

bECKETT WAS MARRIED!? OH IT WASN'T ON PURPOSE? OH... GIRL NO... lmao I remember she said she was 1 & done back in like, episode 2. Hey wait I think I remember episode 2 becks was "you're a dad??? that's weird bc you're so immature" but alexis bailed him out last episode...

the drive thru of love...??? 15 years since she married him first year at standford. timeline stuff. I love henry. You're a detective, detect.

Yep. Love how they literally try to find him thru cop stuff. I mean she did call him a liar & a thief.. *calls him her husband* he's literally ken in the mugshot meme. (so glad I clipped earlier bc their outfits are bomb) Wow I read the info. 1(d)/3(m)/2001(y) Used someone else's expired cridit card, lied to her under a flase name at the motel, 3/3/01 fraud & restaining order,20/2/07 "female body inspector" is literally on his police record when he was the fbi agent... RC: I must say, given his record, I’m really surprised-- Me: that we haven't run into him again sooner? RC: you stayed with him all these years.

Reugan. o'leary. *robotic but also stoned*

KB: I’m going to go to Willow Creek. I’ve got less than three days to find Rogan O’Leary and get a divorce.

Title card

Why doesn't she have any previous messages between her & ryan? (missing an apostrophe, at least ryan knows how to use lol) Trinity Church. Neighbour: He’s got a smile that will make your pants fall off Tell her you're looking for a divorce

WOAH STUFF THROWING AT HIM He's weilding a chair? What the heck is even going on!? Nice punch! She owns this bar & hates him enough to make this scene? Love the angle lmao. Kit kat lol

KB: Do you remember a trip that we took to Vegas Me: I wouldn't expect him to, do you hear how that sounds?

It is hilarious! I just found out, literally sign here goodbye What's a nice hook? lmao this man he is... smile that will make your pants fall off... Yeah she was in law school... WAIT SHE WAS IN STANDFORD LAW SCHOOL.. HOLD ON *haggling* LMAO I LOVE HIM

Clipping <3 xd it really is unus annus remember the kickstarting puberty video? Yeah.

Glitch she says. (Oh btw do you remember crabtree telling murdoch how to tie a bowtie? That was a great scene. love george.)

garage door opener? sus. jher mom's place? What if you DO get caught?

Oh no oh no I forget what happens OH DEAR OH NO. it's a cop lol. Just pretent it's your car girl. Oh no I remember what happens. DON'T HANG UP DON'T HANG UP get in your car & follow!

I'm sure they'll have a very good reason! TELL HER THAT YOU'RE LEGALLY MARRIED & GETTING MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE in 3 days

RC: Okay, okay, I hate to ask, but do you think maybe Me: he did it on purpose? RC: we should postpone? Me: oh Girl you may be a detective but did you hear about all the claims involving mr oleary? Yeah alexis has it covered!

Oh no what is it now?

OH NO THE ROOF-- THE ROOF FRICKING BURNED DOWN? a venue in two days? The hamptons? u should have sdone that first! I was going to ask about catering & stuff, glad they're paying vendors relocation costs. MR: Oh, please. I once staged A Chorus Line on a subway platform when our company lost its space

RC: Oh, what’s a fiancé for if not to help find his future wife’s current husband?

Cloris Maguire: Well if you find him you can keep him. Or becks, just be honest Mama just admitting to the homicide det... She's pretty. She mixed? All that turquoise & her looks make her look half native. Hot native trope tho so ew. WAIT. WHAT? Tildy maguire: I love him. I mean, I can overlook the fact that he’s not a regular job kind of guy or that he can’t marry me while his wife’s in a coma SHE'S WHAT? (so he did know!!!) HE EVEN USED HER NAME? ok so... are you going to tell her or?

serious trouble From You

RC: Coma wife. (he laughs) It’s kind of brilliant. Despicable is not mutually exclusive

RC: Their emails to each other are fairly pornographic Me: uh

YOU CAN GET TORY TO DO THAT? KB: I’ve gotta call Lanie. I’m not going to make my spa bachelorette party this afternoon. RC, head popping up: You were going to have naked ladies at your party, too? (should I clip it? I'm going to say probably not. at least not rn.) XD also who planned it? alexis?

Aw newleyweds spa day <3

I love lanie. RC: Besides, it’s not like things can get any crazier. *walks in to: a fricking biker gang in rogan's livingroom*

tell them tell them tell them oh gosh fucking heck

Head Biker: All right, well, that seems fair. No mrs oleary, I want my money now Correct him & say it's detective beckett or would that be a bad idea

lol love how he has $500 of the $5k...ONLY 12 HIURS? RC: No, Mrs. O’Leary, I’m not okay. I happen to like my legs. And yours too. And why is your husband paying bikers over $5 grand for a stripper’s phone?

stole & returned? remember the joey malone episode?

Oh no. bloopers were great for this btw. I think I feel bad for luke reichle, I mean I know they have copies but holy crap poor luke reichle

Give her a hug my man

KB: Castle, I’m married to someone else. And I have no idea where he is, we don’t have any leads, and then to make things worse the venue and now this? I mean, it just feels like all of this is one big sign. RC: Well, maybe it is a sign. (he puts his arm around her shoulders) A sign that ours is a great love story. Because what’s a great love story without obstacles to overcome? Every fairytale has them. Terrible trials that only the worthy can transcend. But you can’t give up. That’s the deal. We want the happy ending, we can’t give up.

THAT'S THE PHONE Why did tory send the one of the dog? oh that's why the bus bench was so noticable!

Oh protestant that's why he's not father ?.. You're not? By the time you're done being blackmailed, everyone has seen the photo & used it to blackmail you!

A few pictures actually!

RC: So your husband is hijacking someone else’s blackmail. It’s kind of ingenious in a degenerate sort of way.

Ooh she's good! Ppole dancing is not just wow sexy, it is an art form & a sport! (her accent xd) Lol castle tipping her

the red tailed hawk sound effect?

I'm with becks on this. Maybe y'all need a monocular too tho. Did she bring her gun with her?

going to be more people here. I swear. Amish horror film lol. Not going to be him. Or going to be a scarecorw. Or dead. Or the scarecrow lol.

KB: Could everyone please stop saying man parts? RC: Well, we just followed the trail of disappointment and deception. Led us right to you.

Smart on beckett. *calls castle man-parts* You know that's a good idea. Say he's either signing the papers or dying, either way it gets you out of marriage.

the ugly brothers? MICKEY BARBOZZA THE MOB HIT MAN?

that's why castle was keeping watch until a moment ago. Becks should have said "castle lets get out of here" & then started to leave w/o rogan & then he'd call them back sign the papers & they'd get out of there. maybe. idk.

ESPARISH JAVI & LANIE JUST SITTING THERE WITH NOBODY ELSE AROUND LOOKING OUT OVER THE INLAND OCEAN OR W/E IT IS SO THAT RICK ISN'T AFRAID OF STORMS... ROMANTIC. Wait, are THEY going to get married here instead!?!? JE: Now all we need is a bride and groom. WAS I RIGHT WAS I RIGHT HOLD ON they are in LOVE (even with their on & off again hot/cold

Ooh nice transition with the hands Love these interactions, they manage to make being held captive by a feared mob hitman funny. *castle can't see anything* *castle turning around* WAIT I THINK I KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING-- I MIGHT BE REMEMBERING. IT'S THE BIKER GANG?

RC: Why do you think? Husband, wife, future husband, your apartment? They find our dead bodies, the story of jealous rage writes itself.

knew it. biker gang. WAIT GANG VS MOB YES YES YES Wonder if the bikers still want rogan to pay em. I mean otherwise they were kind of.. using them.

you CAN thank them lol the contribution of the homicidal bikers is it already the next day? they gettin married today? RoL: You are a lucky man, Man Parts Wait yeah you're already back in her bar! *CONTINUES PLAYING HIS FRICKING ANGLE*

She's running so happy!

Who the heck are these people? will, idk, the el-masri family be here? Is that ryan up at the front? who are these people? I recognize,, none. I'd really really like to see some old characters return. Maybe Powell the jewel thief, or castle's friend in the mob, will from the fbi, agent mccord, kyra blaine (who has the initial kb again)...

OOH LANIE IS SO PRETTY! "called your dad" love those momen..ts... is that her mom's dress? she IS part of the wedding! Oh gpsh! I wore my mom's wedding dress to my grade 9 farewell but she was 113lbs when she got married lol. It also had dirt & rocks in it bc mum went rock climbing in it.

Bro: That's nice Me: *hands him my laptop* Bro: She likes the clear division on the hips- I wonder if it's because of backlash. Fans were like "that dress is sooo ugly" and they had to change it. It's a lot more normie than the last one but it <i>is</i> nice. I like the lace; not sure how I feel about the sheer peep-hope on her upper chest? seems indecisive. I really like the bodice. And again the lace detailing. Ahh it's her mom's dress. Esp since the last dress made her so emotional over her mom not being there. I like the little trails of lace extending down the skirt portion. I like the sleeveless.

Bro is literally watching a wedding tiktok right beside me.

LP: Yeah. For a second there, I wanted to marry you! Me: this fandom needs more femslash Martha got her earrins (that look a lot like the ones castle got gates) but they are generational earrings & so pretty & castle has been married twice & martha didn't give them these earrings

Why is he 20m away? Oh law Love the music Love his tie this is all so cute!

& then this happnes. Call her back CALL HER BACK! (also back in s1 it was established he has bluetooth in his car & yet he's calling her on the road?)

Stomp on the brakes castle so that they are ahead of you

the natives?

she's already called him ofc... "this is she" not "speaking" WAIT SHE'S THE EMERGENCY CONTACT NOT HIS MOM OR ALEXIS? OOH LOVE IT. tho if he was in trouble it would likely be WITH beckett.

Oof their nice wedding car

Oh no the car,

oh no fire,

oh no he dead ig

lol

great episode ig

Love the humour humour & then boom death

Lol mum just got home, perfect timing but now she suddenly asked for the bloopers. I'll def show u the bonus features later.

#castle 6x23 #the wedding episode #castle 6x23 spoilers #castle 6x23 quote

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