#But also I struggle to se myself ever like someone who don't have some sort of... Either trauma or mental problems.

[mrfoox]

The older I get, the more I just realize that I am my mom

[juniperhillpatient]

The Crossroads of Destiny Re-Watch

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Definitely one of my favorite episodes of the entire series OOOH I love Crossroads of Destiny so FUCKING! MUCH! It's such a good episode.

Alright, so, shocking to no one probably, I've discussed this episode before. I'm linking a post I wrote about Azula & Zuko's dynamic in this episode because I think that it explains a lot of where I'm coming from. HERE ya go.

This is mostly a Zuko episode, honestly. So, let's talk about him. Zuko is READY to fight Azula. Like, no hesitation, dramatics & violence at the ready he is prepared to be on sight. Lucky for him, Azula doesn't really want to fight him. Otherwise, he'd probably be dead. Sorry Zuzu but it's the truth. Iroh demonstrating how he got the nickname the Dragon of the West is pretty iconic. +500 iconic behavior points. Also, +100 to Ty Lee & Sokka for their flirty banter-filled fight. I'm not gonna lie, I'm sort of starting to ship them. The mid-fight flirting is just fun, okay? Although yes, I'm aware that it's a tactic on Ty Lee's part. That doesn't mean she doesn't think he's cute also.

It's hilarious how some things never change & some things stay the same (....I sang-read that in my head...I listen to too much Frozen...anyway) from my initial reactions to this show like 2 years ago lol. I didn't get spoilers per se before watching ATLA but it's such a popular show in the public's consciousness that I did kinda know Zuko would be redeemed, & I just assumed I'd ship Zutara so I read the scene romantically & liked it for that reason.

[ID: Katara & Zuko in the crystal catacombs. She is crouching far away from him, looking tearful. end id]

I don't read the tension between Zuko & Katara that way anymore, but I see how someone could. Anyway, I wrote THIS post about Katara & why I think she acts the way she does. That said, I'm still annoyed with her for offering to use the spirit water on Zuko though because GIRL I get you but also it is a WAR lmao you don't think you might need the magic healing water? For something more important? Like, Zuko will live, he's not even in physical pain right now!

Watching Azula's devious & brilliant coup unfold is just...SO FUCKING SATISFYING GOD I LOVE AZULA SO FUCKING MUCH SHE'S SO FUCKING COOL!!! AHHH!!!!!! Okay, I'm calm. ish. I just...I just...LOVE HER SO MUCH.

[ID: Azula saying "Don't flatter yourself. You were never even a player." end id]

SHE'S SO ICONIC!!!!!! AHH!!!! Okay, I'm trying to be reasonable. +3000 iconic behavior points. I had to stop myself from giving her like 20k because like!!!!! HAVE YOU SEEN HER??? I LOVE HER.

Okay. *ahem.* Anyway. Iroh in this episode is super interesting. They lean REAL hard into the "wise old man who says proverbs" thing in this episode. And I think that's sort of the narrative pushing the audience to see Iroh as more of a perfect wise old man than an actual character in his own right, & that kinda gets on my nerves. BUT, looking at Iroh as a complex character, I do think I can get behind the idea that Iroh WAS willing to be complacent in the life he was presented with but NOW....he saw a chance to help the Avatar, & realized he had to take it. He realized that Zuko was going to go back to the home that traumatized him, & he panicked. I've seen a lot of fans criticize Iroh for never telling Zuko, "hey, maybe you should consider that the Fire Nation is evil & the Avatar is good." I think I would rather criticize the writers for not showing us more of Iroh's internal struggles though because the inconsistencies ARE interesting on a character level if you think about Iroh as a person. ✨Nuance ✨The main reason they become annoying is if you take the presentation of an "infinitely wise old man with all the answers" & run with it too hard. Not the most interesting way to look at it. So, in that way, Zuko's betrayal hurts.

But in the way that all I care about in life is the Fire Siblings.....Zuko's betrayal is the most iconic thing he's ever done actually! +2000 iconic behavior points. Obviously, I'm being hyperbolic & you guys (hopefully) know I don't actually root for the Fire Nation but I just love the Fire Siblings.

I will say though - something that hasn't changed about my perception of Zuko's betrayal - I 100% get it & I was never mad at him for it. I'm not saying I'm NEVER mad at Zuko ok, don't group me in with people who wash away all of Zuko's flaws please, I'm saying that I sympathize & get why he did what he did & I felt this way the first time that I watched too because I remember arguing (not like angry arguing, just debating) it with my family. Literally, the Fire Nation is all he knows! His SISTER is telling him to please come home. He misses his father & wants his father's approval. It's like....completely sympathetic & understandable. I'm not saying he's RIGHT I'm saying it's sympathetic. There's a huge difference. ✨Nuance✨

Oh & the fight scenes in this episode!!!!! Shocking to 0 people my favorite is Katara versus Azula. They're both incredible benders & it's a spectacular fight & ALSO NARRATIVE FOILS FIGHTING EACH OTHER!!! TWO PRODIGIOUS YOUNG BENDERS FIGHTING SIDE BY SIDE WITH THEIR BROTHERS FOR WHAT THEY BELIEVE IS RIGHT!!! FIRE VERSUS WATER - & LIKE BLUE FIRE (THE HOTTEST KIND) VERSUS ICE!!! YEAHHH!!!!!

[ID: Azula with her bans swooshing in front of her. end id]

Katara gets +3000 iconic behavior points for CUTTING OFF PART OF AZULA'S BANGS with ice. Oh & I never noticed it until now but it sort of parallels the moment when Zuko cuts off the end of the wheat Jet has in his mind in THEIR homoerotic boss fight. I KNOW these are two of my favorite ships for good reason, if your ships can't have epic death battles nearly killing each other what is even the POINT MAN!!!

Um, anyway. And Aang dies. What is it with the final Chosen One Tm heroes dying? Buffy, Aang, Harry Potter...Sorry for bringing the Terf series into it but like....C'mon, y'all get why I did right this is a pattern in iconic coming-of-age Chosen One stories. I don't know what it means, but it means something, I'm sure of it.

Luckily, Katara still has the spirit water & she saves Aang's life, so he's fine. Yay! That is about all I have for this episode for now. I'll tally the iconic behavior points in a separate post :)

[butwhatifidothis]

Tumblr is starting to VERY MUCH dislike how long the other reblog chain is getting, so this will be Reblog Chain 2 of my jotting down notes of this fic. Here is the first reblog chain for Chapters 1-20

But it appears as though I was correct in sleeping off Chapter 20, because Chapter 21 is. Hm. bad. Very. Not good.

Chapter 21:

Transcript under the cut:

Chapter 21: It's Called Scars so it Gonna Be Ass

- To be blunt, the constant need to reaffirm that yes, Edelgard went through terrible experimentation and that yes, they were very horrific, is tiring. This is chapter 21. The experiments occurred in chapter 2. Every single chapter between now and then have, at some point, mentioned that INDEED, Edelgard DID in fact go through horrific trauma. It is tiring to the reader to constantly have to reread the same thing - we know it happened. We know it was terrible. There's no need to constantly say so; we already understand as readers.

- "Every time the spark of life broke through Byleth’s blank face, it brought a flickering hope to the Flame Emperor’s heart." ->

- Firstly: Awkward use of the Flame Emperor epithet (its usage is on and off with how appropriate its been - this is off).

- Secondly: Once again, Byleth's face was rarely if ever blank. She was never the Ashen Demon, as even the last chapter showcased. The author is mistaking reservation with emotionlessness, which is simply wrong

- "There had been so many empty days and nights, without friendship, love or joy. With nothing to hope for, except someday, the peace of the grave." -> Suicidal tendencies: another trait that Edelgard doesn't have... (strikes against canon: 89)

- ...but Dimitri does. Counter: 12

- "Dimitri, too, was troubled by the thought, grasping the side of his head and frowning. As the spasm passed, he turned to Edelgard and smiled warmly." -> It seems a little callous to so casually toss Dimitri's symptoms into his interactions with others when such things simply don't occur in the canon interactions. It's not impossible, or strictly against canon, but it does not feel natural; it's more as though the author is shining bright neon signs that say DIMITRI HAS MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES than a genuine attempt at writing Dimitri's mental health issues. This is not the first time this sort of seemingly thoughtless showcasing of symptoms has happened (Noted separately: Dimitri having drastic mood swings)

- "No, this world must be ruled by humans…not cruel gods who ignored the prayers of little girls." -> This statement follows Edelgard internally chastising the actions of not gods, but the Children of the Goddess. This is a weaselly attempt at dodging Edelgard's racist beliefs that Nabateans should not be allowed positions of power by shifting the belief to apply to miscellaneous gods instead. While not inaccurate per se - she does also canonically believe that gods should have no power in human affairs - it is not honest

- "Byleth nodded with childlike simplicity. “We should all try to get along.”" -> Again describing Byleth as childlike and/or innocent. Counter: 3

- For those curious: yes, the rat scene is implemented, yes it is sloppy, yes it is out of character for Claude - so much so that it is being noted separately - and yes it is forced to all hell

- What will be noted here, however, is that this is yet another instance of a man being demeaned/humiliated for the honor of a woman. See quote: "Byleth was on him in an instant, a tempest forming in the sea of her blue eyes. “That isn’t funny.” She crossed her arms sternly. “Jokes are about bringing people together...about making them smile. Right now, the only person laughing is you.”" with Claude reacting awkwardly. Once again, Man Bad Woman Good

- In a showcasing of a complete lack of self-awareness within the fic: "“Maybe if you’d have taught the Deer instead…but since you seem to have no ambitions outside of cleaning up Edelgard’s messes…”" -> This is Claude being portrayed as the bad guy, not the one being completely and utterly right

- " She slapped Edelgard on the back, and smiled heartily. “I agree, Dimitri!” Edelgard grimaced, trying to hide the fact her teacher had just struck the wound she had received during the mock battle." -> As well as where undoubtedly countless scars would be, yes? Scars that still cause Edelgard pain? In fact, Edelgard has been slapped on the back by Byleth and Jeralt numerous times before, and yet expresses no pain or discomfort.

- Another thing, that I had not noted though ought to have: Edelgard, a victim of sexual assault (in this fic), rarely seems to mind people touching her. She gets a little surprised if someone tries to get her attention with touch, yes, but Byleth's constant unprompted and random touching of Edelgard is never said to do anything but bring warmth and joy and comfort to Edelgard. It seems as though Edelgard suffering through sexual assault is just another source of trauma for the author to dump onto her for nothing more than pity points

- This is incredibly harsh to say, yes, and I would usually refrain from attributing such harshness onto a piece of text, but remember that Edelgard's scars only cause her pain when it's convenient, that she only experiences headaches when it's convenient, that she experiences PTSD episodes (when Claude mentions the rat) when it's convenient (note that in this fic he does it outside of battle, where her getting triggered wouldn't compromise her chances at victory). Edelgard not being touch averse and being a victim of sexual assault are not inherently something bad - survivors react to trauma differently, after all - but it is another in a steadily longer line of instances where Edelgard is simply given trauma for the sake of making her pitiable to the reader and the love interest, not something that Edelgard genuinely has to struggle with.

- "As Claude and Dimitri looked at their classmate expectantly, Edelgard was wracked with another bout of guilt. Deep in her soul, the princess knew these peaceful days would end soon. When that happened, no feast or vows of friendship could make up for the chaos and horror she would unleash. It would be better to pull away, close off her heart, rather than fuel the flames of her inevitable betrayal." -> Aka, "Feel bad for me, I feel guilty for planning to cause the death and ruination of countless innocents' lives all because I convinced myself that my way is the only way to get things done my way without ever actually trying to see if more peaceful ways could have worked. I'm going to orphan children, force families to fight each other, have the land be rampaged by banditry, and overall bring chaos onto these days that I ADMIT ARE PEACEFUL all because I feel that my way would be better. Wah wah pity me but I don't wanna be pitied I promise wah wah."

- "Byleth shrugged with a characteristic blend of innocence and spirit. “I guess I just like winning.” She began to blush and grabbed Edelgard’s hand. "It's so exciting! I’ve never had anyone other than Papa to celebrate with before!”" -> Byleth = innocent/childlike. Counter: 4

- The fic likes to reaffirm again and again that Byleth is "now" only acting like this due to Edelgard's presence in her life. Note also these statements written previously: "Every day, [Edelgard] was watching the person she loved grow and change. Become who she always was supposed to be." This, perhaps unintentionally, again enforces the "Lesbian Love is Pure and Innocent" trope; these wlw are only allowed to be their good girl, innocent selves - who they were always supposed to be - due to the pure lesbian love they have found with one another

- Count Bergliez didn't know of the experiments initially, but he eventually found out and did nothing to stop them, fleeing from a young and tortured El who was pleading for him to save her - Unnecessarily painting Count Bergliez as a spineless coward too afraid of Duke Aegir to save a child in pain

- Once again, a man fails to save a woman and further traumatizes her

- It should be noted that Bergliez is fearful not for his own life, but for that of his children, who were the ones Duke Aegir threatened. He, very similar to Ionius, cannot save Edelgard, except Bergliez (unlike Ionius) has a tangible, physical, explainable reason as to why he couldn't, and yet it is him who is painted as the bad guy, not Ionius. He is worthy of Edelgard's scorn and hatred, but Ionius only receives a begrudging feeling of betrayal from Edelgard that she feels guilty for harboring, even though he failed her far more than Bergliez failed her.

- "Daughters must always be loyal to their fathers" trope

- "No decent person thought the things Edelgard did. Just as her body had been twisted and shattered by the experiments, her mind bore terrible scars. Scars that the monster kept hidden, so she could walk in the world of men." -> Dehumanizing oneself as a monster as well as having violent thoughts (that specifically stem from trauma) one feels guilty for harboring are not traits Edelgard shows in canon... (strikes against canon, 90, 91)

- ...but Dimitri does. Counter: 13, 14

- "world of men?" Did the author perhaps mean "world of man," as in mankind? Keep note of

- The reason as to why Bergliez is said to have witnessed young El's tortured state and did nothing to help her is revealed: in canon, he dislikes her. It is blatantly and objectively said that he and Edelgard share a mutual displeasure in the other's company. What this fic had him do will be used as an excuse as to why he doesn't hate her, since no one is allowed to dislike Edelgard on the "good" side

- Edelgard, upon being asked if revenge is the reason she is doing what she's doing (reuniting Fodlan): "“No.” Edelgard put her hand to her chin thoughtfully. “I think for a long time, it was…but after a while, I realized that revenge wouldn’t satisfy me.” She looked at the blue sky above. “After you go through that much suffering…when you beg for help, day after day, and no one cares...you realize that nothing will ever truly make you feel safe again. The only thing I want is for this madness to end.”" -> This is internally inconsistent. See chapter 15 note: ""You know why they created me in the first place.” / “To reunite Fódlan,” spat Hubert. “It was all my father talked about.” / “And I will give it to them. "" This directly connects Edelgard's want to reunite Fodlan to the wants of her tormenters (as this states she is doing it out of spite). Note how Hubert spits at the idea of reuniting Fodlan, and how it was all his father - portrayed as a villain - talked about. This is not what this Edelgard wants, at least not of her own independent want. Earlier in this very chapter, Edelgard internally states a want to hurt Bergliez for leaving her behind. To say that she now no longer thinks vengeance would satisfy her, or that none of the reason that she is doing everything she does is out of a want for revenge, is ridiculous

- Edelgard to Bergliez, upon being asked what will happen to him and his family should Edelgard rise to power: "“All those who distinguish themselves will be rewarded. Given your history, I have little doubt you will be among them.” She nervously played with her white gloves. “All I ask is that when I seize back control of the throne, I can count on the military’s support.”" -> Yes, all who distinguish themselves to Edelgard, for Edelgard's cause, that Edelgard can see and/or know of. How likely is it that a poor farmer who is exceptional at fighting will actually be noticed by Edelgard and be given the credit he deserves, when others who may not be as meritable but do have some merit have the connections to show themselves directly in front of Edelgard? What means will Edelgard give the poor soldiers (that she or Byleth aren't already friends with, notably Dorothea and Leonie) that will allow them to be able to be seen by her and have their merits recognized? Edelgard is the one who says who gains power after all, so it is her they must prove themselves to, but how can they realistically do that?

- What about professions that are not immediately beneficial to Edelgard's cause, such as the arts? How will they fare in Edelgard's society, when their works and talents yield no tangible, objective results (such as, say, farming)?

- Something the fic will address?

- Edelgard does not nervously do anything in front of those she is trying to negotiate with in canon, not even Thales. Strikes against canon: 92

- "[Bergliez] could only laugh in response. “I think we’re going to get along rather well, my lady…and the other?”" -> Except Bergliez and Edelgard don't get along well, ever. Pre ts they are stated to dislike each other, which continues even onto post ts with Bergliez being the only noble Edelgard couldn't bring to heel. Strikes against canon: 93

- As predicted: No one is allowed to dislike Edelgard on the "good" side

- Literally forgot Hubert was with Edelgard and Bergliez lmao

- Ionius tried to consolidate power to be rid of the consort system due to his unending love for Anselma -> A ridiculous idea, plain and simple. Ionius was Emperor. If he wished to be rid of the consort system there was no need for him to try and take away all power from the other Imperial houses.

- If Ionius truly loved Anselma, why did he allow her to be exiled from the Empire? Why didn't he step in and use his influence as Emperor to help her?

- Edelgard, when she is Emperor - passed down a supposedly empty crown, at that - showcases the all-encompassing power the title of Emperor truly holds to one willing to use that power. That Ionius supposedly wanted to do all of these reforms and yet nothing at all was done, ever (save for ruining Houses Hrym and Ordelia, something even this fic has as canon), if Ionius did want to make these reforms, means that he was too spineless and cowardly to truly go through with trying to pass them. This again unintentionally showcases how awful a ruler and weak-willed a person Ionius was when he had power when trying to paint him in this righteous light.

- Lambert was stated to be trying to pass reforms before he died in canon, not Ionius. From parents to the children, the author is attributing traits from Lambert onto Ionius just as he (author's confirmed gender is male) attributes traits from Dimitri onto Edelgard

- " Her father and mother…she had thought their romance a fairy tale-a story from her father to make a motherless child feel valued. But…they truly had loved each other." -> Edelgard does believe Ionius when he told her of the story of when he and Anselma (supposedly) met each other. There is nothing to indicate that Edelgard thought it to be a lie: in fact, in canon: "But I choose to believe there was genuine love between them." Strikes against canon: 94

- It seems as though finally, after around 18 chapters, Edelgard's scars will finally cause her genuine inconvenience due to her complex about them as well as her trust issues. She has a gash on her back from the Battle of Eagle and Lion, but will not have it treated if Manuela isn't the healer, and yet the woman is occupied dealing with the rest of the students who were injured. How will this fic deal with this?

- Ingrid, referring to her and Sylvain: ""We just switched from Felix lecturing us all day to listening to Edelgard moralizing, didn’t we?"" -> The author is trying to compare a childhood friend whose friends have had years to get used to their barbed tongue to a stranger that directly insults the dreams of one of them. Something which Ingrid canonically hates having be done to her, even from Felix, a childhood friend. Once again, Ingrid being so casual about Edelgard being so disrespectful of her dreams is out of character. Strikes against canon: 95

- "Sylvain shook his head knowingly, ignoring Felix’s truly alarming scowl. “You should have seen his face, Edelgard. Dimitri would go on and on about this girl he met when he was a kid…and Felix would complain about her for hours!” He looked at Felix and smiled. “For all his whining about the “Boar,” nobody loves Dimitri more than him.”" -> Oh? A romantic gay male relationship presenting itself within the fic?

- Another vision of SS experienced by Edelgard. Word from a nameless guard: "The woman, Byleth, leading their forces... She’s not human! She killed half my battalion with one swing of that sword of hers. She didn’t speak, she didn’t shout, she didn’t even change her expression!” The panicked man was teetering on the edge of hysteria. “All those people rallying around her, and it’s like she doesn’t care at all. Like she's a walking corpse!"" -> Obviously saying that Byleth becomes the Ashen Demon if not allowed to be with Edelgard.

- Unintentional statement: Byleth can't be the pure innocent (lesbian) woman without Edelgard's (lesbian) love granting her purity, reverting her to a monstrous, corrupt demon incapable of humanity

- See chapter 20 note: "Implying that choosing SS - aka, choosing the Nabateans - makes Byleth less human. Intentional?" Confirmed to be intentional. Also false: in canon, even when accounting for CF's lesser chapter count, Byleth emotes far more on SS than on CF, which matches with CF having Edelgard call Byleth detached in their A support. Strikes against canon: 96

- The same nameless soldier, same context: "And those Faerghus kids…” / Edelgard leaned forward in her chair. “Ingrid…Sylvain…what of them?” / “They…they were animals. Screaming and ranting about revenge for the King.” -> Is the author really demonizing Sylvain and Ingrid for (potentially!) being mad at Edelgard for murdering one of their childhood friends? Is that really the depths the Edelgard worship will sink to, that friends becoming enraged at a friend's unjust murder from a warlord is being portrayed as something sad for the warlord? Just what else should Edelgard be pitied for?

- "The scared girl desperately tried to drown out the thoughts that reverberated incessantly. / They’re going to despise us…it’s destiny. And how could they not? If we were truly good, the Goddess would have saved us…protected us. But She didn’t. The Goddess took Mother. She took our family. And soon, She’ll take everything else we love. She hates us. / It’s what we deserve." - Now confirmed that Edelgard hears multiple voices in her head tormenting her. That trait that, once again, Edelgard does not have... (Strikes against canon: 97)

- ...but Dimitri does. This is the third time this chapter that this has happened, and far from the only chapter to display such baffling characterization of Edelgard via Dimitri's traits. It is nonsensical.

- " Why had [Edelgard] even been born at all? Nonexistence would have been preferable to watching every faint dream be dashed, to suffering alone over and over. She was just…so tired of being alive." -> Once. Again. Suicidal tendencies/thoughts is not a trait Edelgard shows in canon... (Strikes against canon: 98)

- ...but Dimitri does. The fourth! The fourth time in one chapter the author desperately wanted to just write Dimitri!

- If the fic wanted to take Edelgard in a different direction than canon does and has her display some of these traits, it would be more passable, but this fic is under the delusion that it is in any way following canon closely, especially in regards to Edelgard, and so this can only be seen as a desperate attempt from the author to have Edelgard be sympathetic by donning the skin of an actually sympathetic character such as Dimitri

- "Edelgard looked at herself in the mirror. The back of her academy uniform was stained red, the rhythmic, soft dripping of blood assaulting the princess’ ears." -> And no one commented on this? No one was worried? Not Ingrid, Sylvain, and Felix, who were sitting right by her? Not Lysithea, who saw her take the blow to her back and never get it healed? Not Dimitri, who delivered the blow? It just so happened that literally no one at all noticed this?

- Byleth literally slapped Edelgard on the back earlier? Wouldn't her hand come back red with blood if it were seeping through the uniform?

** The scene that follows the previous note is too long to quote, despite how truly terrible it is. Long quotes, even extremely long quotes, have been presented in these notes before, but the length this quotation would be if the full extent of it were written here would be a mess, and quite frankly, at that point it would do one better to simply go to the fanfiction itself and read the text from there. With the context received from these notes, if one wishes to see the words for themselves, go to chapter 21 of The Emperor and the Goddess, enter Ctrl + F (or Find in Page on mobile devices), and enter the phrase "Byleth crossed her arms, clearly frustrated" verbatim. The following note will not be quoting the entire scene from the fic (merely summarizing it), though context is needed to understand how truly bad the scene is. **

- To have hope in this fic performing anything correctly is proving to be a fool's dream, for it has yet to do anything right; that includes the aforementioned gash upon Edelgard's back. As stated, it did not draw the attention of those who were sitting around her nor did it draw the attention of the one who witnessed the injury itself, nor of the one who delivered the injury itself, so no one commented on the gaping, bleeding wound Edelgard was "hiding" from everyone as she turned her (bleeding) back to them and left for the baths to clean up (it must be heavily stressed: immediately after leaving it is revealed that the blood is seeping through her uniform). As she was washing - naked, of course - Byleth just so happened to step into the baths with only a towel wrapped around her "for modesty," much to the horror of Edelgard, for she does not want Byleth seeing her scarred body. A slight argument arises between the two over Edelgard getting her injuries checked, before Byleth warns Edelgard that she will go to Rhea and force her to go to the infirmary should Edelgard continue to refuse treatment, which drives Edelgard past the brink. She raises her arms from the bathwater and presents her scars (""Fine!... If you want to see so badly, here!""), to the horror of Byleth ("Byleth Eisner was not a woman given to strong emotional reactions, but she staggered back, hands over her mouth."). Edelgard cries in hysteria, fear of her beloved teacher running away in disgust over her ugly, mutilated body overwhelming her. But Byleth, childlike in her innocence, shared that she too is scarred in strange ways, and that she too is scared of failing those around her - that she has no ambitions save to help and protect those around her. Byleth reveals that it is Edelgard whom Byleth looks up to for always being so strong and always moving forward, and shows that without Edelgard Byleth wouldn't know how to handle the pressure everyone else puts on her. The exchange ends with Byleth reassuring Edelgard that she is beautiful and not the monster she thinks she is.

- There is no nice way of putting this: this is a classic example of how not to write someone opening up to another about something. Edelgard views herself as weak, ugly, repulsive, a monster, shameful, but it is Byleth's love and affection that gives her comfort and warmth, that gives her hope of something more. It forces Byleth to behave wildly out of character (the author can try to excuse this with "well she wouldn't normally behave like this!" all he wants, it doesn't matter when it goes against the base, canonical Byleth. Strikes against canon: 99) in order for Edelgard's scarred body to be seen as something that is repulsive, that is ugly, that is stained, so much so that the pure, childlike, innocent Byleth couldn't stand to see something so tainted. And yet it is that same pure, childlike, innocent Byleth's pure, innocent, childlike love that pushes away the pain of Edelgard's scars for just that moment. Other characters become suddenly blind and/or forgetful of Edelgard's obvious, bleeding wound so that it is Byleth who can be the one to save Edelgard with her pure, innocent, childlike presence and her pure, innocent, childlike uncertainty about her own insecurities (but only when it is convenient for Edelgard, as even Byleth didn't noticed the gaping, bleeding wound until she was alone with Edelgard where no one could interrupt their bonding moment). This scene is inorganic and forced, ham-fisting Edelgard and Byleth in the same room - the wash room, where both are either naked or nearly naked - so that Byleth is the one to find Edelgard, no one else. No one was worried enough about the sudden exit Edelgard took from the conversation she was having to follow her and make sure she was alright, and Byleth just so happened to enter the baths right after Edelgard. The scene is, to be frank, insulting.

- There have been a couple of joking references to a book titled Stones to Abigail in these notes, but in all seriousness, this scene plays unsettlingly similar to a scene in said book, where a scarred girl who is naked reveals her "ugly" and "revolting" scarred body to the love interest, who goes on to soothe and comfort the naked girl as best they can. The resemblance is uncanny

- Byleth described as childlike/innocent. Counter: 5

- Edelgard, in canon, never expresses feeling herself to be ugly, or repulsive, or a monster. Strikes against canon: 100

- Again, Edelgard's scars are only important when they are convenient - this time, in helping develop the romantic relationship between her and Byleth

- There are ways in which scars can be utilized without being problematic, but certainly not when this much focus is placed on them and yet they are only truly present when they cannot hinder Edelgard.

- Perhaps particularly insulting is this phrase from Edelgard: "Did she actually love Byleth at all, or just being saved by her?" Yes, Edelgard, you do simply want to be saved by Byleth, because that is precisely what the narrative has been drilling into the reader's heads ever since Byleth showed herself. Byleth is Edelgard's light, Byleth is Edelgard's hope, Byleth gives Edelgard back her humanity, Byleth is Edelgard's one source of joy, Byleth is Edelgard's entire life, and nothing, absolutely nothing in this fic has shown this to ever be a bad thing. This dependence on Byleth to bring Edelgard joy at the near complete expense of everyone else has been propped up as something romantic, and yet it's now, 21 chapters and over 85K+ words in, that we're supposed to believe that this was actually Edelgard being unhealthy? Even though the author himself said that this was what he enjoyed about their relationship, how much they found each other in each other? Even though we see what the author thinks would happen to the two of them should they separate - Edelgard, lonely and afraid without her beloved teach, and Byleth, the Ashen Demon who cares for nothing without her beloved student - in her visions of SS? This is a joke

- It cannot be overstated that Byleth came to the bathhouses completely independently of Edelgard. She did not come to specifically see her because she followed her out of worry for Edelgard due to her injury - she only knows that Edelgard's injured in the first place due to seeing bloody bandages that Edelgard removed in the bathhouse, before Byleth arrived.

- Author's notes: "On Bergliez, we find out very little in-game, but he 1) offers himself for execution so his men can go free in SS and 2) seems to be actually competent at his job. I thought a nuanced portrayal was more interesting, since I've been writing Aegir as the absolute worst person in the world." -> Note: this is what the author believes to be a nuanced take on someone. Someone who likes Edelgard entirely and does nearly whatever they can to help her, but they did one thing that's morally gray (leaving a child behind to save his own children from the same fate) that is portrayed as objectively bad, so now they are nuanced. While perhaps this sort of character would be truly nuanced in better hands, as it is with his actions being portrayed as something that is obviously so completely and utterly wrong and him someone who deserves complete and utter condemnation - and yet Ionius, who does far worse for far less understandable reasons, gets a comparative slap on the wrist - it causes confusion as to Edelgard's lines. Bergliez seeing her the one time and never helping her is enough for her to want to hurt him as she was hurt, but her father repeatedly coming to and "being forced" to watch her actively be tortured and doing nothing does little to invoke similar depths of resentment? Even granting the idea that "she gives more slack to her father," Ionius is objectively and far worse than Bergliez, down to doing hard things to protect their children, and yet it is only Bergliez who is shined in this unpleasant a light

- To be clear, Bergliez's decision was not a good one, but understandable. It is a gray decision to make. But notice how he is called "gray" and "nuanced" and yet Ionius is nearly completely innocent, as described by the author himself, despite their being no given explaination as to why "he was a figurehead" should be a good enough reason to wash him literally standing there and watching as his children - some of whom aren't even teens yet - get slowly tortured and killed.

- "There are many localization changes I understand (Byleth wanting to get drunk after the battle is one of them), but Treehouse's decision to remove Ionius' entire reason for power centralization (eliminating the consorts) was a big, big mistake." -> Given the history of this author's grasp on the Japanese language, this needs to be checked, as he cannot be trusted as a source as to whether this is true

******* Notes of Claude mischaracterization: Chapter 21, section 1, paragraphs 1, 21 & 23, 27 *******

[coolbeansbuddyofmine]

Damn, if i had your talent i would never stop writing. I have so many ideas but when i try to put write them down it just, has no life.

I've read everything even from fandoms i don't belong to. Do you write profesionally?

first of all, thank you so much. this was so kind that i was genuinely shocked and stunned speechless. i've been having a rough year, really, with some personal and family issues recently so this was a nice pick-me-up.

(anon, if you have a tumblr, i'd love to put a name to the person who brought a smile to my face)

secondly, don't disparage your own skills !!! i'm glad you like my writing so much. truly. but there are lots of my currently still published (i've orphaned some works from pre-pandemic) works that i'm not excessively fond of. i like them all, but i can safely say i'm not satisfied with any of them per se. i think it's difficult to be satisfied by your own writing ever. so truly, if you feel your own writing is shit, i want you to know i feel that too, even about the fics you may love. one man's trash is another man's treasure, and writing is so inherently personal and subjective, it's hard to analyze quality by your own judgement alone. i say with this full honesty and frankness, i dont think your writing is shit, anon op.

i don't think writers give life to their works, as much as readers do. readers adopt these worlds i've written and breathe life into it, by connecting and sympathising with it. just as i can say, i don't think writers will love their writing the most, it'll always be the readers. there are certain fics out there which i'm entirely obsessed with, my holy grail truly. and i hope for you, and any of my other readers out there, i hope you find comfort in any of my fics. i think the hallmark of a writer isn't necessarily to persuade their readers to do this or that, but to help them find something, a small thing, in a certain work that identifies with them. i hope my works identify with you. again with writing being so inherently personal, almost like you're like looking into myself, it takes a lot of courage to publish and put it out there, and knowing others empathise with me is another joy, unable to be put into words. i don't think i write action, romance, emotions, metaphors, or description or a very good many list of things well, but that doesn't matter as long as someone can identify and find comfort in certain aspects of my fics.

(apologies for this long and dragged on explanation, concision is something i really struggle with. and my virginia woolf is very much so responsible for the stream of consciousness writing that i can't stop.)

also, i'm truly flattered you've read my fics. i've written 91 ones as of rn, and i have countless others i've anon-ed and orphaned, and it's no joke to even read 91 of them. i have an insane schedule and i know that (amongst my many flaws, lack of self-awareness isn't one of them). i truly don't know what to say but thank you. it really is motivation for me to write more, esp when im struggling with many irl things rn.

finally to answer your question, the answer is sort of. i write for my uni newspaper (it's actually pretty renowned but since this platform relies on anonymity that i crave, i won't say which) as a journalist. other than that, i publish poetry and creative writing to my uni creative writing journal (see above explanation) and i get paid to write basically. because i won a fellowship, and it ranges from around 10k usd per sem. besides that, i do academic writing for my econ lab and internship at an international economic non-governmental authority.

i also work as a graphic designer and copy writer.

so, yes. i'm kinda a professional writer. i do not have any proper published novels and the like, but as a uni student, i do a fair bit of writing. other than what my school homework already requires and what not.

[thevisoryposts]

Why Sean Matsuda is so important to me.

If you ever ask me who my favorite fictional character of all time is - well. It's Static/Virgil Hawkins. Bit of a red herring there, right? Yeah, Virgil definitely hits a lot of elements that not only resonate with me as a character, but with me as a person. But. If you asked me who my second favorite fictional character of all time is - it's Sean. Now nobody asked me this in particular. Luke is coming out this month but nobody has really brought up Sean in lieu of him again. This is just me getting a thought out. And it's something I think should be openly said. Now I could say I like Sean a lot for the very surface reasons. He's a cool black dude. (Well mixed. But it still counts) And let's not kid ourselves - black excellence is a generic but very strong reason for attachment for blerds like me. He's got the drip, he plays B-Ball. He blows bubblegum when he's done a slick thing - he's a very conventionally stylish character. But the same goes for Static. Same goes for Lucio. So what makes Sean stand out to a point I'd say he's important to me?? It's the fact that he tries his best, despite his shortcomings. I think the one criticism that used to always bother the hell out of me about Sean...is saying that he's one of the weaker fighters in lore - no, actually he's the weakest Street Fighter. And as of where the III series stands today, that's...mostly true. But that not what's gotten me upset. (Even though it IS annoying that his story/growth has never progressed.) What upset me was that people used this as an excuse to say he was a trash character. That he was useless. A nobody in the world of Street Fighter. And it's when they said that, I've come to realize... I was unintentionally contrasting it to myself. The thing is. I heavily relate to Sean on this aspect. For this one characteristic alone, I probably relate to him more than I do Static. I grew up being shit at a lot of things. Writing. Video games. (Fighters especially) And it continues today. Currently I would >still< describe myself as shit at Apex Legends. And I doubt it'll be the last thing I'm horrible at. But I imagine two to three years down the line I'll read this and go 'Hah. Wow. I remember I WAS pretty bad at that. Improved a lot since then.' And I'm not saying that like I'm some special genius that always achieves what he sets out to do. I'm not gonna say I'm the only one that'll go through that sort of feeling, that experience. And neither is Sean. Sean is an unremarkable human in his world. Sure, his family (As of V) does come from a generation of Jiujitsu Badasses - but he's still unremarkable. He's not a progeny, he doesn't have some sort of special power - there's nothing that tells you he's destined for greatness. Except that he wants to be and that he'll work towards that. This is where he greatly differs from people like Dan Hibiki - Dan thinks he's the man, and there's nothing he EVER needs to improve on. He's godlike, fam. You need to get with the program. Where as someone like Sean who's been practicing Ansatsuken in way less time than Dan has, has already begun to surpass him because he knows he's bad and he's doing something about it. Sean's remarkability comes in the fact that despite having setbacks, despite people treating him like garbage, despite competing against people much more talented than him (And experienced) Sean realizes he can grow and close the gap somewhere down the line. Now yes. People love an underdog, I hear you saying. It endears Sean to you. To see him struggle, because that makes the triumph all the more satisfying. Yeah, I don't disagree. But I also think that's a massive oversimplification of this character. Sean might never rise to the absolute top. He might never beat Ryu. He might never ever be considered the strongest fighter of their world no matter how hard he trains. But what he absolutely will do...is be the best version of Sean that he could.

We live in a world today where people feel they need to see 'excellence' right out the gate. You need to be extremely skilled to get their attention or be worth their time. Otherwise they'll consider you 'trash.' These people are 'Dans'. They've likely given up or they are viciously lying to themselves (and others) thinking 'Appearance is all that matters.' Bump that. In Ken's SFIII ending, Ken offers Sean the championship trophy as a consolation prize. He's effectively giving Sean the chance to brag that he's the new U.S. Champion to his friends, but Sean declines. Why? Because the only person he needs to prove something to, is himself. Yes. I'm sure Sean does want to impress a few people (Like Ken for starters) just like any of us would. But the moral of the story is here that the way you stay motivated, the way you combat discouragement, is that you live to your own goals. I can think back on my accomplishments with pride - I became a good writer. I became a skillful gamer. And I got there because I had the love to do those things for me. Not to prove people wrong. That's just the icing on the cake. And I've realized recently this is the secret to what keeps Sean going. It's what makes him special. It's what makes him one of the best Street Fighter characters. And it's what makes him important to me. And I hope there are people out there that feel the same way. To realize Sean is an icon not just for 'Falling down seven times, standing up eight.' But that he's an avatar for believing in yourself...and fortifying that belief with striving and reaching your own personal objectives. If you've read this far, I'll take your penny. Peace.

[marshmallowprotection]

Sorry to bring this topic back now, but I'm honestly glad to see you talking about the passport tequila(?) thing. I haven't read your passport post yet because I wanna avoid spoilers for the passport just in case I manage to get it one day (but it'll take a while till that happens, seeing Cheritz still isn't shipping to Finland and I still haven't got the bodypillow I ordered from them in May), but I've seen two pictures of some of its contents already. The second one a photoset of him and MC (which btw was seriously adorable and made me wanna get the passport immediately, man he's so cute) and the first one I saw was the doodle of Saeran being passed out.

My friend messaged me about it, also pretty devastated and disappointed that the artist had drawn something like that in the passport, completely forgetting his past and trauma with alcohol. Honestly, because it was the first ever thing I heard about the passport's contents and the first doodle I saw, I was really disappointed and felt hesitant about ever getting it. I went on a whole rant about it back then and then later started feeling like I overreacted a bit...

But not gonna lie, it kinda upset me too because it just seemed so OOC for him to do? You pretty much already put how I feel about it into words really well. I just don't think he'd drink alcohol, seeing that's pretty much where his trauma came from, and also when I think about the friends and mutuals I have who've had alcoholic parents and swore to never drink themselves thanks to that, and how Saeyoung doesn't wanna drink because of his mum and they share that trauma…

Then after talking about it with a few friends I began to think that hey, maybe he wanted to try it out once and already after ONE sip went "too bitter DX" and didn't want more. He likes sweet stuff anyway, even if he didn't have all the trauma, I doubt his sweet tooth would like the taste of alcohol. The first impression my friend and I got was that he was DRUNK, but nah, now he just looks like he's suffering because it was too bitter lol

But then I saw someone here mention that it might not even be an alcoholic drink (or that he passed out from the heat) and hey, I'm just gonna go ahead and headcanon that now, it was just way too bitter for him

In the end I do think that the artist who worked on that passport wasn't entirely aware of his past, which is a shame. Or just didn't think about it. I think someone told them to "make some cute and funny doodles of him" and they thought "hey drunk Saeran lol that could be funny and cute" without thinking about it more, and that's how the doodle became a thing

You’re still waiting for that? Jesus, I hope that the mail service is able to open up soon for your country and that it’s okay for them to ship things around. It’s been a while now, I would’ve thought that they might have been able to work around to get it to you! Well, precautions are precautions, and those are important when the world is like this but huh. Odd that it’s not working around yet. 

It really unsettled me when I saw it. I thought, “Okay, maybe it’s not actually just straight-up tequila or booze, I can rationalize this away as something else cause it’s really not okay to me.” I know someone said in the post that it’s on the Wiki that Saeran’s not a big fan of soda because it gives him headaches, and I know that feeling, so if one wants to think it’s soda, they can. It’s easy to say, well, it’d be possible that it’s the dry heat of the country and he’s flopped over from that after finally getting something chilled. 

It’s easier for me to rationalize it in that manner instead of saying that it’s alcohol even though it’s clearly intended to be seen as that. I’ve unfortunately got similar trauma and I see myself in the Choi boys. Do you know how rare it can be to find characters that are adults that don’t drink or aren’t invested in drinking culture as a whole? I’m fine with people enjoying their vices and doing things in moderation but—

I just cannot relate to it. I’m nearly 24 and I cannot stand even the smell of that stuff. It’s fine if you enjoy your wine or liquor or whatever, it just feels in such poor taste to draw out someone drinking that has made it very clear that they aren’t comfortable with drinking, and they shouldn’t have to explain out their trauma to have their feelings justified. The whole, “Just one sip, it won’t really hurt you,” is so toxic.

Can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that when I’ve made it very clear that I’m uncomfortable with that and I would rather chug dish soap than be subjected to booze. 

I’m proud of Saeran for how far he’s come in his AE. I sincerely am, emotionally he’s doing so much better and he’s working on himself, but I really don’t see him or his brother ever trying alcohol. There could be a point where maybe they just say, “What the hell did she even see in this? What do people even see in this stuff?” and they try one singular sip, and go: “Yeah, no, this isn’t the thing for me, no thanks.” 

I’m cool with that if that is what they choose to do. It’s their body, their trauma, and their choice. 

Saeyoung and Saeran have very clear trauma from Alcoholism. It’s made very clear from the both of them that they don’t drink. Seven notes that he’s about as straight-laced as they come when it means alcohol or smoking. Unknown can’t really be counted as a smoker, he literally used that as an excuse during the SE to contact Mint Eye. So, I’ve never read him as a smoker, either. It was a good excuse. Neither of them gets involved with addictive vices that are legal for you to use. 

I struggle with fanon content sometimes because I’ll find stories or imagines where the writer has shown Saeyoung or Saeran drinking, and I just have to nope out of that setting. It’s not cute or cheeky. I personally don’t answer any requests that involve the boys drinking because I’ve made my stance very clear on the subject and how I feel about depicting characters that do not want to drink and have made it known that they do not want to drink as drinking. The rest of the RFA? Sure, some of them drink occasionally, fairly in moderation, which is alright. 

The Passport itself is really cute, no spoilers, but that’s the only thing within its contents that made me uncomfortable. The rest of it was definitely worth what I paid for and it made me smile if that’s any comfort to you. It’s just that one little doodle that just... yeah, I think I would go with your theory on this one, and that being that the artist might not have known specifically about the brothers or what they’ve dealt with in their lives, and just went with a cute idea they had and it’s not really anything huge. 

It’s fine to drink and all, but it’s equally important to respect when someone says that they don’t want to do it. That is a personal choice, and I just wish more folks would consider Saeran and Saeyoung’s feelings on the matter since it’s been stated in the canon plenty, specifically by Saeyoung during his Routes events in the game, and you can infer from Saeran fairly easily given what he was subjected to in his life. 

TLDR; It’s fine to drink when you want to do it, and there’s nothing wrong with it in moderation; but, it’s important to respect that not everyone wants to drink or get involved with that sort of stuff. 

[unluckyxse7en-moving]

So. Been thinking about being neurodivergent and struggling to fit in lately. It's a conversation that's come up multiple times - with friends, with family, with myself - and with each discussion I find this common factor always crops up - those involved in the conversation, always bring up the frustration that they can't measure up to their peers. That they can't seem to replicate their peer's seemingly effortless performance no matter how the nd person themselves works to match it. And lately, I've been saying- and reminding myself- the same key advice, that I'm not sure I see around a lot: Don't compare yourself to them - and, stay with me here - because you're not similar enough to BE comparable in those respects you struggle in.

The closest, if sloppy, analogy I can come up with to liken it is this way - you are, in short, the left-hander in the right-hander's world. Now if you're a leftie like me, you already probably see where I'm going with this. Hopefully you don't focus on how "lacking" you are for not being able to fit in as easily as right-handers do. If you do? Stop that. Right now. Because we're gonna get into why that's unreasonable for you to ask of yourself.

Now right-handers, I'm sure you're a little confused, so let's illustrate with some visuals:

[ID: a photo of a person's lap. They are sitting in a chair, with an armrest/cupholder visible in the left corner, and a miniature table that's part of the table on the right. The person is holding a half-eaten, gooey cookie in their right hand, holding it over a plate on the miniature table to avoid crumbs falling on them. End ID]

Simple enough, right? Now my ID is a little more subjective and includes non-visual details to add to the picture, but there's a reason I did that, so I encourage everyone to read it along with the following ID:

[ID: same photo as above, only now the person in the seat is holding the cookie in their left hand. Instead of holding it with their arm on their left armrest, they are holding the cookie over the plate as in the image above, reaching over themselves in the process. Also in the image now, which had been blocked from view in the first image, is a bowl of empty soup with a spoon resting in it. The spoon's handle is pointed towards the left. End ID]

Now, that suddenly looks a lot more complicated, doesn't it? Guess what I, a left-hander, was doing their entire mealtime. Reaching and stretching and contorting to keep food over the plate and bowl as much as possible.

"Why didn't you move the table?" You might ask - because I couldn't. The chair was manufactured with the table bolted to its right. Many schooldesks are built the same way. Why did i sit there in the first place, when a normal chair and table are clearly visible right in front of me?

Because I'm already trying to find a way to comfortably dine out in a way that requires accommodations - my sensory overload means I need a quiet corner as far from people as possible. As it happened, this was the furthest, quietest corner during lunch rush, and even that seat in front of me would have meant subjecting myself to more sensory information than necessary. A crossroads between my experience as a leftie, and my experience as a neurodivergent person. And, since my neurodivergent struggles often come with discomfort or pain when compromised on, it wasn't much of a choice.

Which circles me back to the reason I made this post. As a leftie, I've grown up with this unspoken handicap (if you'll pardon the pun) - not a handicap in disabled means per se, but I've encountered infinitesimal struggles righties aren't as likely to run into - trouble with handwriting smudging, cutting with right-hand oriented scissors, sitting at desks for right-handed people in school. When I was learning how to write even, my mom struggled to teach me to put spaces where I was supposed to and to this day I still have that problem - I can't see the words I just wrote when I write, my left hand blocks them and it messes up my ability to judge how big a space is needed. When learning how to dance, most dances start with the dominant side - if your dominant side is your right. I always had to unlearn starting on the left before properly learning the dance steps with my right, which meant I didn't pick up the moves as fast as my peers. could probably go on, but basically I've run into all sorts of little hurdles that I had to jump and navigate - and I have. And this isn't meant as a wahh pity post for being a leftie. I've had very few complaints. But it sets me apart from peers and requires me to put in extra effort to match their results. It also makes me stand out in ways that aren't always flattering, like when someone reaches to do a handshake and I put out the wrong hand. But this is just how I am, for better or worse, and it can't be changed and shouldn't be considered a fault. Being neurodivergent very much falls into this same category.

Now reading all of this, I know. How can there NOT be a problem? Being set apart from peers, struggling with things that come intuitively to them, etc. doesn't sound good. But! My analogy doesn't end there! There's one very important aspect to being a left-handed person that you could argue easily makes up for it in a noticeable manner- lefties can think and problem solve differently, in a way that righties aren't as inclined to. Being a leftie means a different part of your brain works more, and you have a fresh perspective on things that is beneficial in so many ways. So, too, does neurodivergency work in a similar vein. You may struggle with the ""easy"" tasks, the things that are portrayed as simple and obvious. But to make up with it, you have innumerable strengths that neurotypicals don't! You can do things they couldn't do, calculations in your head, problem solving, recognizing patterns, excellent observation of minute details, creative flow that's unparalleled and unmatched.... the list could go on and for each of you it's different. But you have strengths. Being the "lefty" isn't bad. It's a struggle, true - because our society is tailored to "righties", a specific subset of people who work a certain way. That needs to change. But you? You don't. And every time that you, the lefty, are reaching over yourself, correcting yourself, teaching yourself ways to adapt to the righty world, you're showing more effort and dedication to your work, more perseverance than the righty may ever know. And if that's not admirable, and impressive, and a feat to be proud of, that gets repeated daily, I don't know what is.

You are in a biased situation where the cards are stacked against you. That's unfair and deserving of your frustration. But never turn that frustration onto you. You can't help being the way you are, in handedness and in your brain's functions. But you're already working so hard to make up for it, and have your own natural strengths to make up for it. So if you worry about not measuring up in one field... just remember you have strengths that the others don't have.

[rockofeye]

It'd be nice to see sort of a "Creole for beginners" post that talks about what terms are common in Vodou and maybe explains the grammar structure. I've noticed a lot of Creole I can mentally translate myself if I think about it long enough since many French words were taken into English awhile back, but French itself I don't actually know so sometimes it's quite a reach. The evolution of the language seems parallel with the evolution of Vodou and that's really interesting to me.

So, this ask has been sitting for awhile, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot as I am just finishing up an intensive month-long Kreyòl class.

Haitian Kreyòl/Kreyòl Ayisyen is a fascinating, gorgeous, succulent language. In some ways, it is super straightforward and in other ways, it is deeply complex as befits a language that has roots in Romance languages (more than one!), African languages (more than one!), and Indigenous languages. Like vodou, it is a language that embodies the history of Haiti and it has and does evolve as culture and the world advances.

Outside of Haiti, there is the idea that there is no common orthography/common way of speaking and utilizing the language. This is wrong wrong wrong. Largely, this stems from the fact that, until about 50 years ago, Kreyòl was almost entirely an oral only language because of colonialism–Kreyòl has only begun being taught in schools in the last decade, yet almost every Haitian speaks it fluently (the elite class speaks French, but that is largely a class marker–everyone knows Kreyòl). Many Haitians do not know how to write in Kreyòl, and write the best that they are able which leads to widely varied output….which leads outsiders to say that there is no commonly accepted orthography.

It would take a long, LONG time to really deconstruct and explain how Kreyòl works in practice so I’m not going to go there entirely, but here are some basics:

Kreyòl has 32 letter/symbols in its alphabet. Within that, there are 15 vowels/vowel sounds and 18 consonants/consonant sounds. Kreyòl only utilizes one accent (grave accent/aksan grav). Things with the alphabet that trip up Kreyòl learners who are native English speakers include:

‘C’ is not utilized except as a compound sound in ‘ch’, which is a soft sound like ‘shh’ and not a hard sound like ‘chair’.

‘U’ is not utilized except in compound sounds with other vowels.

‘G’ is always hard, never soft.

In Kreyòl, everything written is spoken–there are no silent letters, ever. A professor of mine terms Kreyòl as a truly democratic language; every letter has a sound that is expressed orally. 

Basic sentence structure is Subject-Verb-Object (Li se yon bèl fi/She is a beautiful woman) and Noun-Adjective (Li bèl/She is beautiful). Within that structure:

Tenses and conditions (positive/negation) are assigned by separate verb markers/particles. Absense of a verb marker makes the tense automatically present.

Verbs largely do not conjugate, with some exceptions.

Articles are placed separately from the noun–definite articles are ALWAYS after the noun, indefinite articles are ALWAYS before the noun, and this gives speakers of other languages fits because it is different than the Romance languages most closely related to Kreyòl (my class had several folks who spoke several European-derived languages fluently, and the folks who spoke French or Spanish fluently struggled the most).

Adjectives are mostly after nouns, except when they are not.

Kreyòl is a language of double speak, both in general and in vodou. Words carry multiple meanings depending on context and tone, which can be a struggle when learning and can lead to confusion and sometimes awkward conversation. For example, the word for walk and market is spelled and pronounced the same way, the word for pen can also refer to internal genitalia and/or pubic hair in a female-assigned person in a somewhat rude/abrupt way, and utilizing a nasal versus open vowel sound in ‘I would like to meet you’ in Kreyòl changes that sentence to ‘I would like to fuck you’. Luckily, most Haitians are extremely accommodating to outsiders and understand that mistakes are honest mistakes (but they will laugh…).

Tone and composure (how you fix your face when you speak) is super important. How a sentence is said communicates as much, if not more, than the actual word. How I say ‘yon fanm sa a la’ can change ‘the woman over there’ to ‘can you believe this biiiiiiiitch over there’.

Kreyòl must be spoken with mouth open: no mumbling, etc. To get words across accurately, the mouth must open to make all the sounds.

The language is an independent standalone language with piece of French, Spanish, English, and multiple African languages visible. Much of the sentence structuring is African-derived, particularly from Bantu and Yoruba sources. There is a recent and evolving movement to claim identity of the language as Haitian only, not as Kreyòl.

The language also reflects the lived history of the country and it’s people. A lot of common phraseology reflects the history of enslavement; one of the more common ways to ask where someone lives in-country is ki bò ou ye/kibò ou ye, which translates to ‘what side are you from’. This is directly related to how enslaved Africans lived; plantations were huge and sprawling and so when enslaved Africans met others who were on the same plantation, how they related where they lived on the plantation was in that manner. Like vodou, the language is it’s own living history.

In the religion, language gets more complicated. French is utilized in some specific instances and some spirits, if/when they speak, only speak French, but Kreyòl is the liturgical language of the religion. All the songs and majority of the prayers are in Kreyòl, the community speaks Kreyòl, etc. In general, French is falling away as being a conversational language in Haiti–it is often used in business and medicine, but that’s about it.

There is also langaj, the language of the spirits. This is largely untranslatable language that spirits sometimes use in possession–it can be a combination of Kreyòl and African-descended sounds that are not complete in any African language. What langaj means is often private between the spirit and to whom that spirit is speaking, with the most common uses become accepted parlance (think ritual exclamations, like ‘ayibobo’, ‘awoche Nago’, ‘alaso’,  ‘djarvodo/djavodo/djavado’).

Kreyòl is also spoken differently by spirits than by people. Kreyòl in general has many dialects throughout the country, and it follows that the spirits have many dialects as well. Kreyòl in general is spoken very fast by Haitians, and the spirits follow suit with that. In addition, some spirits speak more rural or localized forms of Kreyòl depending on what part of Haiti they are from. Some spirits speak very nasally, some speak so softly it almost sounds like they are only letting out soft breaths, some mix Kreyòl and langaj, some only speak/yell at top volume. All of that is super different than what a language program or even an in-person class can teach, and soKreyòl learned and used in religious settings is picked up contextually. 

LearningKreyòl can be a daunting pursuit. Since it is SO orally focused, the best way is to learn orally in an immersive setting; either an intensive class or in Haiti or the Haitian community. There are some language programs, most of them are not great. Here’s what I like:

Ann Pale Kreyol by Albert Valdman is an excellent place to start. Though it is older and some of it is dated, it is still pretty foundational and his teaching methods are still used in classroom teaching. It is pricey for a used copy, but there are PDFs easily available online.

Valdman also produced a bilingual English-Haitian Kreyòl dictionary and it is FANTASTIC. I have several dictionaries and this is by far the best–you get definitions of words, what parts of speech they are, and how they are used both in English and in Kreyòl sentences. It is pricey and you could beat someone to death with it, but it is worth it for learning.

Pawol Lakay is as useful as Ann Pale Kreyol is, and it also comes with CDs (if you can threaten Amazon into making sure they send them with the book). It can be a little weak on sentence structure and what parts of speech are, but it’s good. There is a forthcoming language learning system for Kreyòl that beats the pants off of anything else on the market but it is not out yet.

MangoLanguages is good for basic hello/goodbye/my name is fluency, but I did not find it useful for conversational use. Good introduction, though, and the pronunciation in-program is pretty on-point. Most public library systems and college/university libraries have a free subscriptions for this, there are also pay options.

There are other books that are aimed at travelers and casual users which can be useful, but the above are the best resources I have seen so far. I do not like the Pimsleur system for Kreyòl at all, as it is super limited to essentially picking up women in Port-au-Prince which is great if that’s your jam but not useful for much of anything else. Youtube is full of Kreyòl movies and television and music, which is good to throw on in the background to absorb the sound and cadence of the language. Several professors have cautioned about listening to Haitian radio unless it originates in Haiti, saying that most Haitian radio originating in the US is a broadcast in a mix of Kreyòl and bad French, which can trip up a learner.

I hope this helps! Let me know if I can offer more info.