#But one step at a time

[umiokami]

Cause I'm thinking about Echo for the 50th time this week

[good-beanswrites]

I can't stop thinking of Kyanako's Order of Attack au... there's something so moving to me about how things getting so much worse could be what finally causes Amane to get better -- seeing Fuuta dying may be the final straw of getting her to rethink her rejection of medicine. Been a while since I've attempted something whump-y, this was fun to work with.

Tw for mentions/contemplation of death. I don't go into detail about the cult but the doctrines are implied through it all.

Fuuta was not a big fan of dying.

When he imagined his own death, he always pictured it as something dramatic and fast. Action heroes going out in a show of explosions and gunfire. Fantasy characters meeting the shining end of a blade. Even when he accepted his place in Milgram, it filled his mind with images of gallows and electric chairs. 

Whatever this slow, lengthy fever was, it was pissing him off. 

He’d lost all sense of time. He could no longer tell which hour the prison bells were marking -- morning and night blended together. Dreaming and waking blended together. His head injury and broken leg and broken bones blended together. It was all just pain at the end of the day. He had nonstop visitors that kept him awake and asked him too many questions and prodded his injuries and made his head spin. Somehow, he was simultaneously alone every time he rolled over to talk to someone. Painfully, suffocatingly alone. 

If Kotoko was going to kill him with those ridiculous emo boots of hers, she should have just done it. He was losing his mind here: devoid of all energy, suffering through broken bones and a cracked head, and boiling in an increasingly fiery fever. Maybe that was the reason he stopped commenting when he watched Amane pocket the medicine Shidou had left him. Maybe that was why he’d stopped following Shidou’s instructions himself. Even after losing an eye and taking a beating herself, Amane always looked at peace. He was tired of dealing with all of this. He wanted a bit of that peace.

Regardless of why, it was working. His fever had quickly gone from the biggest pain in his ass to the very thing that dulled his racing thoughts. 

He awoke suddenly, or maybe he’d already been awake. He couldn’t feel anything in his limbs. There was only a breathless heat around him. He raised himself into a sitting position, looking for a drink. Moving his head felt like one of those glitching computer windows that leaves a trail of copies behind it. The room swam around him. His eyes moved absently around him.

Fuuta picked up the glass that someone had left him. His fingers were clumsy, and it immediately went crashing to the ground. He hardly heard the noise as it broke apart on the concrete below. 

He swung his legs over the side of the bed. He’d just go get a drink himself. Shidou told him not to get up without help. But what did he know? Thinking of the man ordering him around only drove Fuuta to step out of bed even quicker. He cried out, pain shooting through his leg. That was right, it was broken… 

Fuuta looked down, finding himself on the ground. It was so hot. Maybe this is what she felt, he thought numbly. Was it this slow for her too? Probably not. She had no regrets to fill the time like he did. The heroes got quick, beautiful deaths, and it was the villains who had to suffer the long ones. 

He lifted his right palm from where it had caught his fall. The shattered glass on the floor had cut into it. Shattered glass? What had broken? He stared blankly at the blood dripping down. 

He didn’t have the strength to raise himself up. He was burning. Why was he on the ground? Was he bleeding? He could barely breathe. What was he doing here, anyway? He just wanted to curl up and sleep. He was so weak... just to lie down... he wouldn't have the strength to get back up again. Was that such a bad thing...?

A voice caught his attention. His eyes struggled to focus on the figure who’d come running into the cell. He couldn’t understand a word of what she was saying, but he was happy when she pressed her cool little hands against his forehead. 

He allowed her to prop him up next to the bed. She held onto his hand, squeezing it tight. Why was she holding it like that? That hand was bleeding. When did that happen?

Her arms wrapped tightly around him. He wanted to shove her away -- it was too hot -- but couldn’t. In his ear, he could make out her words. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please, Fuuta. Don’t leave me alone. I’m so sorry...”

As she pulled back, he recognized Amane. Her uninjured eye was filled with tears. Was she upset? He thought he’d been making her happy. He wanted to keep making her happy. He’d never made anyone happy before. 

He opened his mouth to say something, but no words would come out. They all scrambled up in his mouth. He felt the cell swirling around him.

Amane raised her voice. She looked desperately upwards. “This can’t be --! This isn’t right!” 

Fuuta looked up at the ceiling. There was nothing there. 

“I can’t do this anymore.”

She continued talking. Fuuta was too busy studying the ceiling. She was shouting. Or maybe crying. Fuuta didn’t like that she was so upset. Huh, had there been someone there? He surveyed the empty cell. What was he doing on the ground?

He looked down at his hand. The sheet from his bed had been pulled down and wrapped hastily around it. Why? His eyes felt sticky as he blinked. Everything hurt. It was so hot. What was going on? He was so angry. He was so scared. He wanted to cry. Why was he here? Why couldn’t he just hurry up and die already?

The next time she entered, Fuuta recognized Amane instantly. Her one hand pointed to him, the other held onto someone else. The second figure hurried over to him. 

Fuuta was not a big fan of dying. Shidou reassured him he wouldn’t.

—

“You’re wearing the eyepatch,” Fuuta observed. 

He was playing a dangerous game, drawing attention to it like that. He was too exhausted, and his curiosity won out over his better judgment. If Amane was going to explode with one of her typical speeches, he’d just let her.

She didn’t. 

Amane’s hand drifted up to her eye. It had been hastily covered before, but now it was cleaned and wrapped in professional-grade materials. She simply said,  “Kajiyama Fuuta. How do you feel?”

“Like shit.”

“But--”

“-- But I’m better, yeah.”

Amane nodded, her shoulders releasing. 

“Oi, I haven’t seen you in a while. Not since…” He wasn’t sure how to finish the sentence. Shidou had told him what happened, but it was difficult to believe. He couldn’t quite trust his own memory of the night. No matter how much clearer his mind felt since receiving proper treatment, those days of fever still muddled together. He heard that Amane had up and switched her beliefs overnight -- she was now complacent about all of Shidou's treatments -- but Fuuta knew people didn't just change like that. He wanted to hear it for himself.

She lowered her gaze in shame. “I… I thought you hated me.” Her voice was steady. “As you should. I almost killed you. I accept any ill will you may feel.”

“I -- what? You’re wrong. You… it wasn’t…” He grabbed his head, grunting in frustration.

After standing awkwardly in the entryway the whole time, Amane took a few steps inside. She made it to his bedside when he finally collected his thoughts. 

“It was your fucked up family or whatever that caused everything. They did this. And I went along and made things worse.” He looked away. His next words felt stupid to say to a little kid. He felt like the most pathetic, weak, loser. But it was too important not to say.

“They almost killed me. You saved me.”

[slackergami]

THANK U TO EVERYONE WHO’VE HELPED ME WITH MY MARRIAGE VISA!! This took so damn long but I can finally FINALLY leave Hong Kong and get myself together properly and start anew!!!

I know I’ve been asking for too much but I barely have enough to get through a month most of the time-- I’ve looked up plane tickets and the cheapest I could leave for in June costs about HKD2300 including added baggage as I need to move a lot of my things to Australia. Relocation services cost way too much so I will just have to try and fit what I can into two 20kg check-in baggage 😂😂

My [ko-fi] here if anyone can spare a coin so I can grab tickets before prices go up. I am endlessly and eternally grateful to all friends and kind strangers who’ve kept me going since the pandemic. Absolutely unbelievable, this shit ain’t sunken in yet and I can’t even begin to process what this means!!!!!!

[masteraqua]

you'd think typesetting books for my 9-5 job would make me sick of looking at them but actually i had been looking for an excuse to do more of it in my free time when my cousin asked about helping her with binding a fic for her shelf

so now here i am buying way too much supplies and spending way too much time on the layout and having way too much fun learning about techniques and styles and tools and i can't remember the last time i was this excited about a hobby!!!

[if-mirrormine]

Absolutely love the demo so far! I’m definitely going for the poly but what we’ve gotten so far has been wonderful.

I also love the idea of MC being damn near floored by how much Grayson bulked up.

Grayson: *explaining something in depth* Got all that?

MC: *completely not listening* … I’m gonna be honest, I’m only looking at your titties right now.

aw thank you!! i'm excited about chapter 3 & 4 because there's a lot of drama ro interactions, like just full scenes dedicated to spending time with each of them (incl the poly) and i just can't wait until i finish them. i think you all will be very pleased 😌

as for gray and mc... someone needs to draw the meme. yk which one i'm talking about.

[alittlesliceofcucumber]

It's been a while but...

Finally decided to post some more of my original music!

This is a character theme for one the major NPCs in our dnd campaign, Rex Winterfall. He's a (fired) detective and tired loving dad who the party may or may not have gotten killed...

[ataraxetta]

I would like to talk about jaydick or dickjay pick your poison (or switch which is always my headcanon but I mean this for non smutty things too). Trying to get into a writing zone for finishing this gd fic.

[doodlesdreaming]

I'm thinking of changing up my commission stuff.

I'm finally getting comfortable inking, but coloring is still a rough spot for me.

I need to work on some improvements, and I want to be able to give my best.

So expect some changes incoming soon.

[hoppinkiss]

i have been crossing aminals while i wait for my dad to leave :) I have enough monies to work on some more island construction

[flickerbit]

Lately I’ve been learning to be okay with the fact I don’t have my shit together. It’s hard but being able to romanticize a sink full of dishes or a messy dining room table is a huge win compared to how I was a few months ago

[synchlora]

progress :]]

[xxatlasxx]

The thing i need to work on is something will happen irl that i get in my head "oh i should say that they might like that" and ive got to stop that mindset. I should not be sharing anything, i need to essentially gate keep myself.

I don't need to talk about my purchases, i def don't need to talk about writing, don't need share things about my day. None of it.

Get a haircut? Shut it

Mom has heart disease? Shut it.

Bloodsugar crash? Shut it.

All these things i need to keep to myself.

[prabodhjamwal]

Death Of Public Libraries: Whether Modi-Government Loves To Imitate The Nazi Rule Book One Step At A Time

“One, the key point is that an organisation like RSS or its affiliated organisation like BJP is concerned, stand exactly opposite the very idea for which a public library is established. The exclusivist viewpoint which they promote is an anathema to the very idea of a public library.” Subash Gatade* This adage by Herbert Samuel (British Statesman 1870-1963) sounds prophetic but as of now it is…

[ursulawrites]

I keep meaning to get on here and write but somehow it's 11pm again already 😴 Maybe tomorrow will be the day that I get on here and finish my replies, reply to my messages and maybe get to some memes 🤞

[kbondoxxxxav]

they’re neighbors au

[mynameisbillandimaheadcase]

I survived my first actual day of uni