#But the song is explicitly about that and I think it's always worth it to see what will come next to you

[manicpixiefelix]

head, heart, hand. {Felix Catton/Reader/Oliver Quick}

Part 11.

Summary: It's good to finally getting back home to Saltburn. There's just a few things to work out, such as where Oliver's staying, and why.

{ masterpost }

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons.

Warnings: implications of child neglect

A/N: 3989 words. I think about Jacob Elordi saying that Felix would have Artic Monkeys on his personal playlist, about once a day. um okay so not only is this uneditd, but i definitely got very drunk halfway through it, so that's.... that. (im drunk as i publish this) BUT WE'RE AT SALTBURN AND OLLIE GETS HERE TOMORROW!! (which means the next chapter, which dw will be tomorrow irl) ((is this anything?? im worried its ooc please feedback??))

TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)

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There is no reverence in you anymore for the castle in the countryside that is Saltburn.

Once it had towered before you, trembling, a child alone in every way that mattered until the doors opened before you. Saltburn was a haven away from the bitter hypocrisy of both expectations and apathy, though it took you quite some time to learn as much. At first, there was reverence; Saltburn was the place where every script you'd learned to smile through, every societal expectation you'd been trained to uphold, would be put to the test.

And if you couldn't keep up, if you messed up in this holy house in the face of their kind smiles, you were sure their gazes would turn blank with inevitable disappointment.

But that was years ago.

And mistakes made you interesting, your quirks made them laugh, and Saltburn became less holy each Summer as you found it to be far more human.

It's what occupies your mind for the entire trip back to Saltburn, with you and Felix sharing an earbud each from his iPod, and Farleigh reading - pointedly not not ignoring Felix after he'd found out the news.

You wonder what Oliver will see in the house; the sum of it's parts, or each room and inch of the grounds as their own storage space for memories worth so much more.

Felix hums along under his breath like nothing in the world could ever worry him. Farleigh licks the tip of his finger, glancing with ire at his cousin for just a moment before turning the page of his book. Play. You squint at the cover; Richard the Third. Shakespeare. Farleigh holds the play up further to hide the rest of his face from you both.

You'll get to the station before midday, and a town car will be waiting for you all. Most of your things from Oxford are on their way to a storage facility in the city for the Summer, but you've still got a few precious things you're bringing back to the estate in a suitcase a the front of the carriage, and a bag overhead.

Felix has been trying to look nonchalant and look out the window for a good part of the trip now, but he keeps glancing at you with a strange look.

"Does this change us?"

This time, you make sure to catch his gaze before you reach for the iPod. Most of the ride has been on shuffle, quiet otherwise between you two, if not for his humming, or yours. Flipping through the few albums he had saved, you clicked through to the one you had been looking for. The sunshine is beating down on him just outside the window, almost directly overhead, shining on him and everyone in behind him in the window seats, painting them in sharp relief if they had their curtains open.

You pressed play on You Probably Couldn’t See for the Lights But You Were Staring Straight at Me by the Artic Monkeys.

Felix, who knows and loves the song, can't look at you. Actually, properly can't look at you, hiding his embarrassed smile behind his hand as he forced himself to look out the window.

And you hum along, grinning, leaning just past him to also focus your gaze out the window.

"Stop that," he mumbles under his breath from behind his hand, clearly still smiling. All you do is continue to hum along as the band thrashes along in your heads. After a moment, you slide the iPod towards him, as if taunting him, daring him to change the song himself.

"- they're not half as bad as me," you sing under your breath. Felix is turning pink around the ears, but flips the iPod over onto it's face, letting the rest of the song play out, "say anything and I'll agree -" your smile grows wider and you sit back, but continue to hum.

If Farleigh's judging either of you, he doesn't lower his book enough to indicate as much.

The town car ride back to the estate was far more eventful, as the three of you began to properly discuss Oliver's impending arrival. Apparently he hadn't thought much about packing up his room at Oxford, what little there apparently was to pack up, so he was taking the extra day students were allotted to gather himself together for the Summer. That meant one night at Saltburn before he'd be there.

"I actually, genuine can't believe you sometimes," Farleigh had started two separate tirades in the past twelve hours exactly like this, and both about Oliver. It was no secret what this third was going to be about, "you honestly couldn't give me six weeks of peace? Six weeks?"

"You'll have plenty of peace, mate," Felix had insisted, eyes wide and pleading with his irate cousin, "and honestly, I think you'll really start to warm up to him."

"I appreciate that your optimism springs fucking eternal, Felix, but -"

"No, seriously, give him a chance outside of all the academics and what everyone else thinks," Felix was beginning to plead for a moment, all big brown eyes and imploring tone of voice. Farleigh, however, was not as well swayed as the rest of the world would be by his theatrics.

"I'm not going to play nice with your little -"

"Hey, he might be into that," you cut Farleigh off before he could say something too incendiary, but Felix still cast his frown between you both.

"Not helping, Y/N," he admonished, turning back on Farleigh who was suddenly overcome with mild revulsion at your implications. When Felix wasn't looking, you wiggled your eyebrows at him suggestively, teasingly adding to the bit. He fake-gagged, much to Felix's disappointment.

It wasn't a long journey, however, and soon enough the three of you were pulling into Saltburn, and there was something amusing about the collective sigh of relief you all shared once the door opened.

"Feels like ages since we've been back," Felix stretches, leaving his bags for the chauffer and doormen, as did you. Farleigh made a start towards the trunk of the car before the chauffer climbed out, giving him a confused look and he thought better of it.

"Christmas, right?" Farleigh stuck his hands into his pockets, sauntering up the steps beside you all, gazing up at the large, blue doors.

"Duncan taking his time," Felix muttered under his breath after a moment, to which you grinned.

"Probably wants to keep them closed on us as long as possible," though just as you say that, as Farleigh and Felix snicker, the doors creak open, and there, gaunt as you've ever seen him, Duncan somehow manages to loom impressively large, even as you've grown into an adult.

"Master Felix," he nods to each of you with the same stern civility he's always carried, "Master Farleigh, Captain Y/N." You nod in turn, voice turning cordial as you greet him warmly, despite your two companions barging through ahead of you.

"Duncan, always lovely to see you," you incline your head towards him the way you always have, and for a brief moment he allows himself a faint, but genuine smile.

"God, you're so fucking weird sometimes!" Farleigh calls over his shoulder at you. You roll your eyes, but Duncan is stone-walling again, so you slip past him to catch up. In time to hear Farleigh's voice lower and ask, "have you told your mother yet?" Felix makes a face.

"I texted her before we got on the train," it sounds uncomfortable, "she sent me an incomprehensibly long text back which I only got when we had service again. I think she's fine with it."

Farleigh hangs his head, his last defence against Oliver's impending arrival foiled. After a beat, he forced a smile, sliding up to get in step beside you and wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

"Oh, we're gonna be best friends this summer," he tells you, as if you have no say in it, "you, me, and my fucking weed guy -"

"Say it fucking louder why don't you," Felix rolled his eyes, but you simply shook your head at the altercation, wrapping your arm around Farleigh's middle and giving him a squeeze.

"You're impossible, Farleigh," you told him, "and so lucky I love you."

Farleigh quietly cheers for what small triumph he had won, before both you and him look to Felix's vaguely sceptical expression, taking in the both of you.

"It's a fair trade," Farleigh told him easily, "you get your new best friend Oliver -" still yet to say the name without disdain, you note, "- I get Y/N."

"I did also promise Venetia I'd spend some time with her," you chime in, but Farleigh can't help himself but snort.

"You sure she won't pick a fancy for Oliver too?" You can hear his lip curl, but Felix pulls ahead where he's been casually leading you all through the house to his room. You can't see his expression.

"Fuck off, Farleigh -" you start, coldly pulling away from him, but Felix's tone is light, almost forcibly casual as he cuts you off.

"Ollie's lovely but I don't think he's much of her type."

"Everyone's Venetia's type," Farleigh spits, unable to stop himself from putting his foot in his mouth. The implication hangs in the air for a long few seconds before Farleigh catches himself. The unneeded reminder. The real reason for the sudden coldness. Felix turns, smiling bright with nothing behind his eyes as he cheerfully tells Farleigh -

"You know where your room is, right?" And says he's going to rest before hunting down the rest of the family amongst the estate. Farleigh meekly nods, and departs from you both. Both you and Felix follow him with your eyes; Felix's smile doesn't drop before the door closes behind him, and it's the two of you in the blue room, alone.

And you know he's thinking about Eddie.

You wish Farleigh knew how to keep his mouth closed, how to stop pressing buttons when he always knew what they did.

"Where's Ollie going to be staying?"

Felix's eyes flash to you, and you wonder if it were the right or wrong question. Is there a question in this moment that isn't loaded? Is there a question you could ask that wouldn't make him think of Eddie right now?

Eddie had stayed in Felix's room. In Felix's bed. At least he was supposed to. But Oliver wasn't Eddie, so he needed his own space.

Oliver was different to Eddie, you reminded yourself, and hoped that Felix was thinking it too. That was good. That was good.

"Dunno," Felix finally admitted with a sigh, draping himself over the cream sofa, looking up at the ornate ceiling. You sat on the stool for the broken piano, lifted the lid and idly played a few notes, listening to the little hammers in the instrument tap uselessly against broken strings.

"Vennie wouldn't do that again, would she?" Felix muttered so quietly you almost miss it. He doesn't call his sister Vennie often; you know he's dwelling, he's hurting the way he tries to pretend like he doesn't.

"Farleigh's talking shit because it's his job at this point," you tell Felix flatly, and he angles his head towards you, even if it looks like it hurts, so you see him contemplating, "but Ollie isn't Eddie."

Something lights up in the back of your mind as you read faint disappointment on Felix's face as he processes your words. Nodding, he sighs again, looking up at the ceiling.

"Last night was fucking beautiful," Felix's tone turns wistful; he hasn't told you properly about what happened between him and Oliver, but clearly it went well, "I hope Ollie likes it here." Then, closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath before offering, "I've been meaning to thank you, actually," he admits. You shift from the piano stool to sit on the arm of the sofa he was laying across, "for giving me space to spend those moments with Ollie last night."

His face scrunches up a little, then, as if sensing you by his head, he cracks an eye open. Slowly, almost embarrassed, he starts to smile.

"He's like you, you know?" He says gently, before he really considers what he means, and his face falls; you watch, you wait patiently, "can't go home ever again," apology in his eyes, "that's what he said to me."

There's that love, that desire to do good, to be good, that Felix has always craved. He's in his own head, all kinds of thoughtful and melancholy that he often isn't around the rest of the world. Felix shuffles himself over on the plush, wide sofa, making himself as small as possible, and you know it's an invitation. One that you take. It's awkward, but he holds you tightly so you won't fall off.

You wonder if he even realises that you're there, that you're in his arms and listening to the way his thoughts spill out of him from a moment of connection he craves but doesn't often get. If you're so much of his mental wallpaper that holding you like this, the way you listen, the way you are so gentle in these moments, if you're more like a simple diary, an easy, comfortable way to get these thoughts out of his head without the fear of his secrets being spilled upon someone who might use them against him.

"I don't think I'll ever understand not being able to come home," Felix admits softly, "I can't even wrap my head around how Ollie became the man he is with parents like that; and after all he's gone through, for this to be straw, the thing that means he'd rather live in a world alone than be around the people - person - who was mean to love and protect him and yet failed him over, and over, and over again? He's so bloody strong for how long he's gone through it all."

Swallowing hard, you're surprised by the way your eyes are clouding over. Trying not to break the moment, you press your face against his chest; Felix doesn't seem to notice, still trapped in his own thoughts, but he instinctively holds you a little tighter.

"'Home' doesn't mean the same for you as it does for me," Felix whispers softly, almost to himself, and it hits you square in the chest. The tears start to come, and you can feel them dampening his shirt, "that's what he'd said to me," oh, Felix hadn't even realised you were crying.

It takes another half a minute before he even seems to realise something is wrong, but you assured him you were fine, that you were just very glad that Oliver would be staying here instead for the Summer. He'd almost connected the dots at the start of the conversation, but now he couldn't seem to see them.

Still, you knew Felix, and you weren't sure if his heart could handle making you cry twice in two days. So you lie, and he lets it go.

Felix is sitting up and stretching, his mood having improved for having voiced his thoughts it seems, and you're drying your eyes when the door to the Blue Room opens.

"Darlings, Duncan just let me know you'd arrived and were on your way to freshen up before the afternoon," Elspeth was as bright and flighty as always, looking between you both, "so glad I caught you both." Felix is the first on his feet, warmly greeting his mother with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, which she returned in kind. Seeing your red-rimmed eyes, she's immediately concerned, but you brush it off quickly, telling her that you and Felix were simply discussing Oliver's situation and that you were incredibly excited to have him joining you all. She, of course, lit up at that.

"It will be such a treat, if I'm to believe my darling son," and of course she is to believe darling Felix, everyone at Saltburn always did. His admiration was worth it's weight in gold to the people who loved him, Elspeth especially. She latches onto the elbow he doesn't offer and you're left to catch up to them as they make their way through the familiar rooms to Felix's, her voice filling the space all the while.

"You must tell me all about dear Oliver," Elspeth insists; she, like her son, was made for Saltburn. She catches the light, beautiful and timeless and made to live amongst its timeless walls. Your face still feels hot; you don't know why but you feel out of place - home doesn't mean the same thing for you as it does for me - Felix pet's his mother's hand on his arm and assures him that she'll love Oliver. He's thoughtful. He's gentle. He's beautiful. Her eyes shine; even his mother is not immune to his light.

"Now, I hope you don't mind," Elspeth begins when the three of you get to the long gallery before Felix's room, "but it was rather last minute, so it's been something of a rush to get everything ready -"

"Get what ready?" Felix asks, and you watch them like a play, like a film, like a third party without any kind of say.

"I thought it would be best if Oliver stayed in the room attached to yours," Elspeth said, and it takes a moment, but you feel your stomach drop. This was worse than last Summer; at least then you had your own room.

"Y/N's room?" There's some victory to be taken in the way Felix seems ready to fight for you in this matter.

"Oliver is a guest, dear," Elspeth didn't even look at you in this moment, "we didn't want to have him set up, all alone, on the other side of the house." She smiles, and gives a fond, if condescending look over her shoulder to you, "you'll be alright, won't you sweetheart? It's just a bedroom, it's not a big deal." You try and smile, and nod, and be placating -

"They can stay with me," Felix insisted, "sleep over, like when we were kids." For a moment, he looks to you. The nod he gives is solid, is reassuring; it eases your heart.

"I don't know if that'd be appropriate."

Elspeth knows. Everyone fucking knows. No-one will say it, but it effects every damn thing they do. How they treat you. You know this, but no-one talks about it out loud.

Saltburn thrives on the unspoken.

"Why not?" Felix forces his mother's hand, "Y/N's my best mate, has been for years, we share a bed all the time." And Elspeth is too polite to do anything but concede, and lets you both know with a faint, awkward smile that your things will be moved to Felix's room before the day is out.

"And Y/N, darling," she does finally, properly acknowledge you, taking both your hands in hers, kissing you on both cheeks, "it's wonderful to see you, of course, so glad to have you home."

Home.

You smile warmly at her. After a beat, however, she casts a faint frown to the window.

"And I feel I'd be remis not to tell you that Venetia is refusing to get out of the pool until you go down and join her."

"Oh," there's an amused kind of warmth that blooms in your chest at that, at being sought after and missed; Felix rolls his eyes but it's fond, "how long has she been there?"

"Not long before you arrived," Elspeth gives a genuine, warm smile, clearly either wilfully or genuinely ignorant about the nature of your relationship with her daughter, "please just take it as a sign that we have all missed you dearly."

She leaves you both to it, reminding you of when supper was to be held, as if the time ever changed, and you and Felix quietly made your way into his room. Your room.

You watch from the doorway as your best friend breathes in familiarity of it all. His childhood bedroom, always left immaculate and untouched, a museum to him whenever he was away from the house. A place of so many of your firsts, yet never a place you'd really called your own. Felix falls onto the bed, face-first, swearing muffled by his expensive duvet.

"Every bloody person's determined to get on my nerves today," Felix sighed, flipping himself over, legs hanging off the end of the bed. "Not you, you don't count," he adds idly, flicking his wrist in your general direction, but still managing to warm your heart, "I'm glad Ollie's staying close by, but can you believe she thought you'd stay anywhere but here?" He sounded genuinely miffed, finally turning to look at you. When he sees the abashed way you're smiling at him, his frustration drops, "what?" He can't help but match your softness in this moment, and you shake your head, trying to tell him it's nothing. "It's not nothing, look at you," he insisted brightly; your smile widened, as if on cue, "you were getting teary thinking about Ollie just minutes ago; go on, what's on your mind now. Is it Venetia?"

"'s not Venetia," you insisted, finally joining him in the room, sitting yourself on the edge of the bed looking around.

Your room; the room you share with Felix, and so close to Oliver too.

"It's our room, isn't it?" It's like he can read your damn mind, practically giggling like a high schooler at the mere thoughts of what the two of you were bound to get up to.

"You were so insistent," you finally teased, grinning wide and leaning back against him, "it's almost like you like me or something."

"That's fucking lies and slander!" Felix crows, your head on his chest, "I'll sue you for that -" but you're already moving, straddling him, pinning his hands to the bed either side of his head as you grin down at him.

"Felix Catton's sharing his bed, call the tabloids!" You teased, leaning in, and when he captures your lips in a kiss, it's like he wants you to taste how sharp his amusement is. He bites and teases and frees his hands to pull you in. Quickly everything shifts and moves and there's something possessive about the way he kisses you, holds you, has you under him and pinned and breathless before you realise what had happened.

"You think I'd let mum kick you out like that?" His pupils are blown so wide with want you think they could swallow you whole in this moment; "never want you that far away if I can help it," it comes out as a breathless admission, almost like it escaped him, like he's caught up in the moment, and you never want him to stop talking to you like this, "can't say that at Oxford - fuck Oxford," he mumbles, his lips on your neck in the next instance. His teeth sting without breaking the skin, sucking with intent to leave an ache that would remind you of him every time you touched it for the next few days.

"Us and Ollie," his lips are gentle when he kisses across your chest, your collar bones, "I'm sure between the three of us we'll end up getting into proper tabloid trouble," you can feel his smirk, and there's something electrifying about the possibilities you find yourself considering.

"Us and Ollie," you agree with a roughish grin. Felix captures your mouth once more in a kiss, matching your energy, your enthusiasm, but adds, "Ollie tomorrow."

And at that, you remember; giddy laughter escapes you.

"Our room," you can't help but remind him, and Felix's grin stretches wider.

"Venetia can wait for you a little longer."

[mymarifae]

i just want to share my thoughts about akito and Death. because even now—even off the back of an event like burn my soul—people STILL talk about him like he's an explicitly depressed, suicidal character whose every action is cause for concern.

i think the idea that akito is suicidal has been floating around for a very long time. and while it's not entirely without merit (more on this in a bit), it's still a misconception. and it really feels like kashika exacerbated the issue. which is unfortunate! it's sad to see such a beautiful song be misinterpreted like this.

now don't get me wrong! kashika is about death. but two things:

1. kashika may have been written for akito, but it's not just for him. it's also deeply personal to ryo haruka. there are certainly similarities and haruryo undoubtedly understood everything akito felt during the events that led up to the crawl green incident, but i don't think it's entirely fair to equate his very real emotions and struggles to those of a fictional character. he and akito share kashika! you can interpret it through either lens, but trying to do so through both is where things start getting messy

2. whiiiiich leads me to my second point. who decided that the only way to interpret kashika and its themes of death is literally?

i think it's pretty common for people to automatically interpret any themes of death literally—or at least very negatively. we're naturally conditioned to fear death, and then we're taught to fear it even more. it's the change. it's the unknown. it's the very idea of an "end." most people aren't very fond of these things! understandably so. but personally? i think the symbolism that can exist behind death is beautiful.

Death is the 13th card of the major arcana. above all else, it symbolizes change (positive change; it's always, always about what's ultimately best for you). Death tells you it's time to move forward; this part of your life is done. there is more waiting for you—new opportunities, new experiences, a brighter, more fulfilling future—but you must be prepared to let go.

the habits and routines you have now? the mindsets that have kept you alive? your current sense of self? whatever it is, whatever Death is asking for, you have to let it "die." it won't serve you anymore. it will only drag you down. and it might be terrifying and you might not be able to comprehend what lies ahead and you might want to kick and scream and struggle, but you can't cling forever. endings are never easy, and sometimes they hurt like hell, but with each end comes a new beginning.

and yes if you've read burn my soul this should all sound very familiar lol:

looking at death from this perspective, kashika and the entirety of find a way out should read a lot more like akito caught on the cusp of a monumental transformation. suspended between "life" (the old) and "death" (the new) so to speak.

up to this point he's been fueled by spite and desperation. two very intense, very negative emotions—but it's an intensity that worked. everyone else on vivid street had years of musical experience, and he had 0. he needed to catch up and he needed to catch up quickly because it's not like he could put the whole world on pause. he could take his time to learn the basics, sure, but every other vivid street musician would continue improving and growing while he did that. there would always be a gap between him and Them.

unless... he worked harder—WAY harder—than all of them combined.

and maybe that wouldn't do it either. maybe he would be stuck in place forever, always playing catch-up, always struggling to stay afloat, always being left behind. he knew this. and he knew the amount of destruction he'd end up inflicting upon himself if he went down this path. but in his mind, it was okay. it was worth it. because he'd rather die endlessly pursuing what he loves most than live not trying at all.

but in find a way out, when facing off against his old bullies, he starts to realize that he was wrong. he's not just stuck in place. he bridged the gap a long time ago, and he almost didn't even notice. and where he's going now, spite and desperation are the wrong emotions to sing from. he needs to let the unhealthy, extreme mindsets die, but also it's hard to let go of something when you would have given up a long long long LONG time ago without it.

but with time, and enough poking and prodding from ken and luka, he does it. he lets go. he lets the old parts of him die, and he passes on to the next stage of his life.

akito's character arc has always been about growth. improvement. learning. Becoming Better. and not just in a musical sense although Yes That Is A Huge Part Of It. his arc is also about his growth as a person. it's about him becoming more confident, and learning how to be kinder and more patient with both himself and other people. it's about him learning how to let his walls down and let his loved ones in. and to trust that they won't start kicking him to death once they're in there.

it's about him learning to exchange the Spite and Desperation for Passion and Love.

it's about him becoming happier.

which is why it's so fucking startling when people talk about him like he's suicidal and on the verge of a breakdown. like, woah, what?

as i said though, kashika isn't the only source of this misconception and i find more merit in the other sources because they're actual aspects of his character and scenes in the story and not song lyrics that shouldn't have been read so literally in the first place. like, yeah. we've seen a ton of unhealthy behavior out of akito. he's had a very extreme perspective on his place in the world from a super early age, and while the severity frequently gets exaggerated in fanon spaces, the shinonome household isn't exactly sunshine and rainbows.

he's been moody, he's been prickly and abrasive, he's lashed out. he keeps most people at arm's length and builds walls so high not even toya can get through them at first. he had to! he wouldn't have survived if he didn't! like, he was targeted and bullied by a group of adults when he first started singing on vivid street. that is actually a genuinely traumatizing thing to happen to a kid!

so no, i'm not against the idea that akito has experienced depression and suicidal ideation in the past. kinda comes naturally with the territory he ended up in. but that's the key word: past.

i get confused when the idea is dragged into the present. because again! the whole point of his character arc is he's overcome all that PAST adversity! recovery isn't linear but we're not about to see him hit rock bottom any time soon. or ever, actually. you know why? because we've already seen his rock bottom. stray bad dog. that event was his big breakdown moment. that's what opened him up to try to start healing.

we're not getting another stray bad dog. stop expecting another stray bad dog.

he's alright, i promise. he's growing up. he's gotten better. he knows he belongs in vivid bad squad. he knows he's loved. he knows his friends will be there to catch him when he falls. he's always been strong, but now he's even stronger. he's excited for his future, and i think we should be too.

[gothhabiba]

I make video essays (not frequently but I'm trying to get back into it) and I have wondered about blind accessibility before but I haven't really found much information that isn't VERY general. Do you have any resources or tips? Because frankly, the reason I make video essays and not say podcasts or just blog posts about these topics is because it is both an audio and visual medium. I can show graphs for things, play clips of movies or songs, etc. and I use captions but when I search for how to make it accessible for the blind all the information I find isn't that applicable to content that's as, dynamic I guess. Like the most common things I see are "identify who's speaking" or "read out text" (which I generally do) but what about clips from other media, graphs, things like that? Especially if im talking about a visual topic like set design or something.

n.b. I'm not blind or low-vision & I'm just brainstorming here.

image descriptions & accessibility aren't quite one-size-fits-all, because thoroughness always comes at the expense of time. you have to ask yourself what information you're trying to communicate with an image or clip. if the entire video is an analysis of a visual artwork, for example, you'd want to describe the image in enough detail that people could not only understand your analysis, but also come to their own analytical conclusions. if, on the other hand, you're just pasting in a line graph to compare two of the numbers in it as a smaller part of a larger point, it's not necessary or worth it to state every value of every variable at every point in time on the graph... just give an idea of the trend you're referring to.

some thoughts:

Any image description is better than no description. Briefly describe something rather than allow the thought of describing it thoroughly to overwhelm you such that you end up doing nothing.

Relatedly: don't think of things in terms of "is the exact same amount and type of information available to sighted and blind people watching this," but rather, "without the visual component, does this basically make sense / can I basically follow the main point?"

What this means is that at no point should there be information that is solely visual in nature, like my example of several seconds of silence where you can only assume that there's probably text on the screen but have no idea what that text says and whether it's a clarification, disclaimer, or even a retraction. It would be best to read this text out, but I've also seen a "text on screen" section in the description box of a video that gives the text in full and the time stamps at which the text appears.

Briefly state what it is about a clip or graph you're inserting that makes it useful for your point. Rather than "and you can see the results of that decision here *a few frames of a graph*," say "and you can see the results of that decision in the sharp downward turn in profits starting in 2009 *a few frames of the graph*." If it's available, link the source of a graph or chart in the description box—it may have alt text or be screenreader accessible at the source website.

Inserting a brief image description into the script after introducing e.g. a photo of a set should be feasible enough, but I also think it's possible to fold the image description into the analysis. This just means making sure that there's never a visual component with no audio equivalent—rather than saying "the stuff that's going on back here *circle part of the screen* has a haunting effect," say "the fact that the furniture in the background is jumbled, worn down, and uncomfortable-looking has a haunting effect." I think explicitly pointing out what about a scene you're responding to is just part of good analysis anyway!

Introduce a clip with a rundown of who's speaking in it and what's going on ("you can see [main point] in this clip, in which Elizabeth confronts Darcy about his meddling in Bingley's affairs"). Play the clip, and then describe anything else about it that's relevant to your analysis ("the fact that she's sitting while he paces back and forth indexes the relationship between gender and space in the film" or whatever). Again, this is just good analysis.

If there's something really central that would take a long time to describe, you could use the description box to image describe it (the same way you would write any other image description) and give a timestamp, and say something like "image description in the box below" when you reach that part of the video.

Sometimes at poetry readings, conferences &c. I've seen people give a description of their appearance, what they're wearing &c. before they begin speaking. I'm not sure how necessary this is—probably some blind people find it interesting and others think it's a waste of time, lmao

[nagisaspolyeden]

okay i need to get really obnoxious about the new nagisa and hiyori solos for a second

(before i go further i adore them, obviously. they are absolutely perfect for them and their character growth, all four of edens solos are, i am blown away by what theyve done with these and i could go on and on about how much i love them individually but in this post i want to go on about something very specific)

seeing hiyoris solo name, Accept My Love, i had some expectations for this song- namely that i expected this to be an overwhelmingly hiyojun song (in the way that other solos have obvious nods to important characters in their lives without being Explicitly About Them (Wandering Clown and Crystal Pleasure being obvious examples of this)) which i was excited for! and i think you can absolutely see it that way!

however!

there are also some nods in Accept My Love that feel more explicitly nagihiyo that have me absolutely struck- both in the references that seem to be links between both of their solos, and the links in Accept My Love that feel like theyre referencing back to some of the kiseki stories from ! era

i just want to pluck the examples i can think of, starting with just the solos (and also with the caveat that this is from one particular person's translations so there may be different interpretations, this is just me drawing conclusions from the ones ive found)

first, from nagisas:

and hiyoris:

poking at this, i can draw a parallel at the very least visually- nagisa finally stepping out into the world where the wind blows, and hiyori standing behind him calling to him to remind him hey, im right here, pay attention to me too...!

but then, going a little further

nagisa:

and then, hiyori:

now this i dont feel i even have to say anything about. the obvious parallels between nagisa struggling with the concept that trying to connect with others being a sin while hiyori just lightly dismisses it as not even something worth considering. loving sigh

and then!

nagisa:

hiyori:

again, a very easy to make comparison. hiyori has always been light-coded, and light in the darkness is a very easy metaphor to make for human connection and love, but i like drawing the parallel regardless as its used in both of their solos

and now... i also want to bring attention to something else.

in kiseki revenge match, thats when hiyori talks about nagisas backstory, and in the midst of it all, he says this

thats how he describes nagisa. and i truly believe that it came from anxiety, and a sense of inadequacy. hiyori poured all of his love into nagisa, and it helped- it undeniably helped, and nagisa has stated as much time and again, that hiyori brought him to life, that hiyoris light saved him, that hiyori is his sun. but hiyori alone couldnt be his whole world (no one person can, even if theyre soulmates (which they are (to me))) and so hiyori, whos sense of self worth is tied to his ability to love and to be loved and to heal, felt insecure over it and started to see nagisa as hopeless. as a bottomless hole.

however

this now brings me back to Accept My Love

do you think there is a limit on how sunlight radiates?

this is so, so stunning to me- because hiyori has come so far, because he believes that his love is endless and healing, because- reading it the way that i am- he can see his love as enough, that his love and giving it isnt hopeless anymore. and he wants to give it! he wants it to be received! accept my love!

and, the final piece that really tops all of this off for me

again, from hiyoris solo

in this journey with no destination.

I REST MY CASE.

NAGIHIYO INVENTED LOVE

[silawastaken]

I'm SO sorry and I feel like such a loser for it sometimes but I really do just want to talk about the technical stuff behind the things I write sometimes. Both fanfic wise, poetry wise, and more recently music wise, but I always want to talk about the attention to detail, the foreshadowing, the way things change in the process of writing, the original concept vs the final product.

I really really hate it but my brain really is wired for literature, and there's nothing that can have me talking for as long as asking about the detail behind my fics. The only one you can really ask about without it becoming a nit-pick of all the flaws (which is never attention or compliment seeking, I genuinely don't like most of what I write or make) or talk about foreshadowing aspects without major spoilers is the (not so) perfect pair as it's complete and well thought out (in my opinion).

The music I'm working on currently, when the lyrics are written out they read as a love letter, which is intentional!!! but also you could ask about the specific ties that each lyric has– for example in 'Prophecies of the Morning Sun' the lyric "a single witness as heaven comes down" the implication is that (as the song is written as if from my perspective) my lover is heaven, and I (or, whoever was listening to the song) was the only witness to their arrival, or the only person to see them as they are.

And then, in the final verse "facing you to see heaven in your eyes" is supposed to tie back to the idea that in my (or, again, whoever was listening's) eyes, my lover is heaven to me. IT'S ALL INTENTIONAL (or maybe not, but it all connects in the end regardless).

Anyway I'm sorry, slight word dump over, I just really wish I had more opportunities to properly talk over what I do. I would love to write a long ass essay dissecting the (not so) perfect pair bit by bit but also. There is no audience for that lmao.

As the gold bleeds into grey is where I'm going insane over this specifically, as there is always some detail which I am trying to point out without having to explicitly state it, but I feel the need to make sure people know what I'm doing. Especially with the most recent chapter (chapter ten – spoilers) where Chuuya is leading Dazai through Yokohama while it's busy, and he doesn't want to show his concern that Dazai was still following by looking back to check on him, but he does so anyway because he loves him.

This is a reference to Orpheus and Eurydice, which is why the chapter is titled 'Orpheus and denial', because in this Chuuya is supposed to represent Orpheus, but he also refuses to admit he still loves Dazai (whether to himself or to Dazai is up for interpretation– he's complex enough that even I don't know) and it was driving me insane that I couldn't explicitly state 'Hey! This is a reference!' because that's not what I want to do!!!! Ugh. Sorry. Soooo not worth this but I am constantly thinking about it lmao.

I'm always adding little details like that, I'm always referencing canon and making decisions about certain numbers to use for things (such as their room being number 15 on floor 3. They met at 15 in canon, and knew each other for three years before the split at eighteen. There's also another reason for it involving 15 and 3 years which would be Spoiling It but there's another reason behind that choice too).

If you ask me, I can tell you what characters who are never even mentioned in the main story of tnspp were doing at different points in the story. My au's are SOOOO carefully thought out most of the time.

Anyway. Yap actually over this time. Sorry I should really talk less lmao

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

What are your thoughts and opinions on the friendship between rook and trey. I'd like to see your analysis

This started off as a single paragraph but then it evolved into something much longer--

Personally, I think we need more Science Club content 😤 I really enjoy how Trey and Rook’s personalities play off of each another; it works surprisingly well.

I think Trey tends to get overlooked because his character isn’t that flashy or grandiose compared to others’, but I also think that this is a strength of his. Because he has a more subdued personality, we have someone that plays the role of “straight man” in funny situations involving his wacky classmates. Nowhere is that dynamic more apparent than whenever he’s with Rook, the epitome of weirdness. Rook could be over here telling some fantastical story about slaying a beast with one hand tied behind his back, and then Trey is somewhere off to the side looking exasperated but still nodding along because man, that’s such a Rook thing to say.

Trey’s one of those rare cases where while he’s still confused by some of the things Rook says and does, he’s never really freaked out or disliked him because of it (unlike most of the rest of NRC). He’s just a lot more forthcoming with how he feels about some of the odd things Rook gets up to. For example, Trey clearly communicates that he thinks Rook’s nickname for him is embarrassing, and that he’d prefer if Rook didn’t refer to him in that way. He also just generally grounds Rook when he’s being too flighty, which allows for his pragmatism to clash with Rook’s theatrics.

At the same time, Trey remains very patient with Rook and tries to serve as the social gap between the huntsman and those typically put off by his behavior. It’s essentially Trey that keeps his group together in Endless Halloween Night; he tries to intervene when Sebek threatens Rook, he explains Rook’s odd habit of breaking out into song to Sebek, and he tactfully changes the subject of conversation when he senses that Rook is uncomfortable with it. Trey has gotten used to Rook’s strangeness, but he understands that not everyone else has, and he consistently goes out of his way to assist with that understanding while also ensuring that Rook feels safe with it.

Continuing from a point I just made, something else that I think is often taken for granted is that Trey can actually read Rook very well. In fact, Trey has always been pretty good at reading others, but he usually keeps the information to himself because either no one asked to know/it’s not relevant to what’s going on, or he’s totally aware that the other person wouldn’t want the information leaked. (Case in point, Trey had suspected that Cater didn’t like sweets because it was always Cater suggesting that Trey use his UM to change the flavor of his desserts.) The same applies with Trey’s assessments of Rook. He understands that, in spite of being so outgoing and flowery, Rook really dislikes divulging personal information--so when their juniors start pressing for it, Trey (who usually tries to stay out of conflicts) diverts the topic to something else to distract them. Trey is also able to suspect when Rook has made up stories or is intentionally trying to trick others (ie Sebek by controlling his own heartbeat to appear scared). He’s aware of just how much Rook is able to lie, manipulate, and deceive others when few other people can; most of them just dismiss Rook as a weirdo.

On Rook’s end, it’s clear that he respects Trey and genuinely thinks of him as a friend. Not only are they both vice dorm leaders, but they’re also in the same club. It gives Rook ample time to observe Trey and to get to know him and his skills, even if we aren’t explicitly shown them going out of their way to hang out with one another outside of classes and/or extracurriculars activities. What’s really interesting is that, through these observations, Rook sees Trey’s worth even when Trey himself doesn’t. Like... Trey’s a humble guy, he doesn’t brag about what he can do and he downplays himself by claiming he’s the “normal” one of the group. But Rook can see Trey’s true worth, and he holds him in high regard because of it.

In Happy Beans Day (Lyre-less Brawl), Rook describes Trey as someone who strives to achieve exceptional marks in situations which could reflect upon his dorm or its dorm leader. In other words, Trey is someone who cares about the wellbeing of the group and its individual members more than himself. In fact, Trey would rather avoid drawing attention to himself and isn’t very proactive (which is also something that Rook states). However, Rook also continues and points out that this doesn’t necessarily mean Trey is a weak player. The huntsman acknowledges that Trey has experience with Beans Day, as well as exceptional leadership skills, which make him a very valuable person to team up with. Rook also notices Trey's general knowledge, such as how he pays attention to presentations given in Science Club, no matter how random the information may be (like catfish fun facts). Through this, we can deduce that Rook not only understands what Trey’s strengths and weaknesses are, but that he also appreciates them and knows when they may become of use. He hid in wait in the Botanical Garden all this time just waiting for Trey to appear for that. He praises Trey when Trey brushes off what he knows as "no big deal". Rook is consistently a cheerleader and a hype man for him.

Rook’s interpretation of Trey, oddly enough, also a far more accurate take than many of what many Heartslabyul dorm members would give to describe their vice. Various mobs, as well as notable cast members like Ace and Deuce, say that Trey is reliable and like a “big brother” that shows them the ropes whenever needed, despite Trey often hinting that he can be mischievous or that he is “not a good person”. No one seems to take Trey’s self-declarations all that seriously because they assume he’s joking or they’re unwilling to see past the usual kindness he projects. (I want to be clear here that I’m NOT claiming Trey’s a secret Evil Mastermind; I’m only stating that even in-universe, people reduce Trey to the “kind big brother” archetype and think that’s his entire personality when it is only a part of who he is.) But that’s what makes his relationship with Rook so interesting--because Rook can see the less savory side of Trey, but he also lets Trey just do his own thing and avoids bringing attention to that part of him, just as Trey does for Rook. They have such a mutual respect for one another, and it’s really nice to see play out in their various interactions.

Anyway, this is me spreading the Science Club agenda 🤡

[lunarsilkscreen]

Phantom Ganon, Skull Kid, Hero's Shade (I need to stop writing about Zelda, but the floodgates are open)

What do these three characters have in common? They are all Link64's best and only friend. Though, he didn't know it at the time.

Remember the mask quest and playing ocarina with the skull kids in the woods? The same woods where it's legend that people become stalfos, so Kokiri don't travel there.

He's kind of rude to Link64. But here's the sad part, unlike the Kokiri, The skull kids don't exist in the future, even though the stalfos do. (Nor the Stalchilds which stalk Link outside of the woods, which could be *interpreted* as death stalking Link from the very beginning. OR it could be interpreted as his friends tagging along. [Who're kind of rude, and annoying. But they don't know better.])

Skull Kid, the Z64 Skull Kid, the one you trade masks with, the one you teach scarecrow's song to. That one, I think Becomes phantom Ganon. Because he was bound to Ganon when he passed through the woods and installed a Gohma into the Deku Tree. And was chosen specifically (like the other temple Bosses) to grow into the temple protectors.

Watch the defeat of Phantom Ganon. It's incredibly sad, even the words he chooses to speak during his death are incredibly sad. And this, I think is why.

He encourages Link to defeat Ganon, and admits that he was just a stepping stone, but he never takes off his mask, and he does his best not to let Link know the truth about his friend.

(Shout out to the Painting Magic being connected to a link between worlds. Cool connection and decision to use that idea in the game.)

*But Link is the Hero's Shade*! You are definitely screaming. Because it was written in the Hyrule Historia. Even if all the rest of that is true. The Hero's Shade connection is dumb.

Evidence; Koroks can change their appearance. Like the Tanuki in Japanese Lore. If they are Kokiri, (Like the connection to the Deku Tree suggests) AND One of the Deku Trees is likely the incarnation of the Kikwi elder from Skyward Sword (Which is as close as we get to Tanuki in Zelda.) Then it stands to reason the stal children AND the Skull Kids can all be directly related to the Kokiri.

And that the warning that *children become stalfos* for the Kokiri wasn't for Link, but for the Kokiri. (Or just a silly reminder for Link that he is never alone, because the Kokiri follow along as stalchild)

*BUT HOW DOES THAT MAKE SKULL KID THE HERO'S SHADE?*

Who else would both be *still alive* and *a skeleton* to teach Link, if Link is a reincarnation, and his soul stays with him? *That is the divine lore, Zelda, Link, and Ganon always have the same Soul*

Or do they? Am I making an assumption here? I'm not quite certain anymore, but I feel like I'm probably on the right track.

The alternate reasoning is that Rauru the Owl is *also* a former Link. Since they both share that same *mentor* slot. But that's never explicitly stated like it is with the Hero's Shade.

Think about it; no Link carries the gear the Shade does. No Link fights like a stalfos, even though they serve to train him early on. And therefore, all the stalfos (and by extension; Poes) could have served to be training Link the way forward.

One more reason; in Z64, the only place we see wolfos is in the woods. And that's how Wolfos and Stalfos are *linked*.

-OR- *maybe* the Hero's Shade is Link, in the same way Shadow Link is Link.

It's also worth noting, that Sometimes Stalfos are directly ordered by Ganon to Kill Link , and other times, such as in skyward sword guardians and Phantom Hourglass, they're controlled to protect something important, or divine relics.

Which links explicitly to what I just said, and why Phantom Ganon could *in fact* be the Hero's Shade.

Don't take my word for it.

[communistmarktemple]

watched the all of the hatchetfield series recently and had things to say about the way pokotho was handled in the last episode of nightmare time. dunno how much ppl on tumblr care about this but figured i'd post anyway

spoilers for the guy who didn't like musicals and nightmare time 2 episode 4: yellow jacket; slight spoilers for nerdy prudes must die.

in tgwdlm pokotho is established to take over people but like, theyre still individuals. and his goal there seems to be making everyone united and happy. and singing. the singing is an important part of it.

but then in yellow jacket hes like… deep voiced sadistic completely takes over peoples minds and leaves them blank shells. and is said to "want everyone dead except him" which directly contradicts like. everything about what made tgwdlm interesting.

bc theres this question the whole musical of like. what about what theyre singing is them and whats the hivemind. so like. to say he just wants it to all be his own voice completely removes that intrigue. and also directly contradicts what tgwdlm says about it "on some level theyre individuals but on a larger level theyre limbs of a single organism" but if theyre all just pokey then no, theyre not individuals.

also like. "what do you want paul" makes NO sense if thats just pokey speaking. why… why would he talk about mr. davidson's wife choking him out. thats what mr davidson genuinely wants. it doesnt even make sense as a manipulation tactic like you could argue for the other songs because like. it actively makes paul run away. theres nothing about mr davidson's want that would make paul want to join the apotheosis.

like "not your seed" is WAY more interesting if those are alice's actual feelings (and all those feelings track with the way she acts in watcherworld!!) but if you want to say its just a manipulation tactic that still tracks. making bill think its his fault that alice is gone would make him more likely to be willing to join. same with "you tied up my heart" and "inevitable" but like. WHY is pokey telling paul mr davidson's kink. what the fuck does that have to do with anything. mr davidson clearly has some level of control still

and like obviously the lords in black being applied to tgwdlm is a retcon so theres gonna be some stuff that doesnt 100% track but like. pokotho wanting everything to just be him literally ruins the climax of the show. "let it out" is compelling bc like. it isnt clear whether or not paul genuinely does like musicals or not. like.

"I’ve never been happy Wouldn’t that be nice? Is this the secret? Singing and dancing through life? Is my integrity worth anything at all? But happiness can’t come before its fall Am I crazy? Maybe I’ve always been I've become what I’ve hated? Or maybe I never did It’s awful freeing now To share the hate I felt But what will I let in if I Let it out?"

LIKE. is paul's conflict here bc he genuinely cant decide if he should want to join the apotheosis? or is it 100% the infection? he wants to be happy. maybe this is the way to be happy. HE KNEW THE WORDS TO MOANA. HE SAYS HE DOESNT LIKE IT BUT HE KNEW ALL THE WORDS. his actor explicitly points out that paul knew all the words. hello. maybe he never hated musicals. maybe he did. but making pokotho just be this mindless evil "subsume all voices except my own" type answers that question. nah it was just the infection. and also the goal of apotheosis wasnt to unite the world and make everyone happy it was just to kill everything that isnt pokotho.

like. thats so boring. why the fuck would you do that. its so much more interesting to have pokey genuinely think hes helping everyone by uniting people through song. like why the FUCK didnt otho sing??? why is he just. deep scary voice?????? he should be sing songy stepford smiler.

when spitfire got possesed she shouldnt have become a zombie it shouldve been like. :) han-nah. :) :) this is better han-nah. :) :) you should join us too han-nah. :) (: :) (:.

why is pokotho's mask like OoO it should be like (okay this was originally said on discord and i used a custom emoji of device_friend from deltarune here) thats way fucking scarier. its way scarier to have your friend go from crying and screaming to turning to you and smiling than it is to have them just. slump over.

i feel like they literally forgot what make tgwdlm scary?? they literally forgot to think about the implications.

like i dunno maybe you can say that that behvior was just otho and not pokotho. like in nerdy prudes must die pokey was defintely more gleeful. but we didnt get to fucking SEE barely any of him. why would you not give us more pokey. the villain of your first musical? hello?? i get making wiggly the main guy bc hes who the audience knows but like. ugh.

webby says he wants everyone whos not him dead. and maybe shes just being more negative about him bc like. hes against her. but like. the way the othos worked seems to be retconning how the possession works.

and man is that boring.

[foundationsofdecay]

So let's play

In Sundowning, we get a lot of references to Sleep and Vessel's relationship being like a game they play. It's violent, sure, it has its highs and lows and winning and losing seasons, but even though the most hardcore sports fan may insist their preferred sport is more than just a game... maybe it can eclipse multiple roles, but that doesn't mean that it isn't still a game to be played at the end of the day. It's something both teams are knowingly and willingly engaged in.

Blood Sport, of course, is the most obvious example of this in Sundowning. Rolling the numbers, playing with chance, playing over and over despite knowing you're never going to be the winning team at the end of the season, those are all very prominent aspects to that song. Take Aim is debatable, depending on if you wanted to stretch that to an archery or sharpshooting perspective, though the image of Vessel with the arrow on his head can be a compelling one. In Give, we have talk of fighting fair, a relationship that's like open warfare but uses similar language to war games. More explicitly we see this in Sugar - "you play your twisted little game", "you must be crazy if you think that I will give up the game".

Here's the thing, though: forgive me if I'm mistaken, but I don't think we get a single lyric in a single track on TPWBYT that could be described in this manner. None at all. The absolute closest thing I can think of is vague references to warfare again in something like Missing Limbs - "my polite offenses won't last for very long", for example - but the idea that this is some kind of sport they're engaged in has long since vanished, and it's dubious whether or not he's even referring to Sleep so much as the heavens brought up in the previous verse.

Then again, TPWBYT is pretty unique in its tone and language, or at least marks a major departure from what was established in Sundowning.

Yet, even the two singles dividing those two albums don't use this language. In something like Jaws you can find references to play, but these are far more one-sided. Being "caged and always provoked by prey left unattended" is partly a rather impotent cry and partly an invocation of the image of a child pouring salt over a slug or pulling legs off of beetles. In this game, only one person in truly playing, and what kind of game is that, really?

Given that, what about TMBTE? Were the singles and album after Sundowning a momentary pause, a change in perspective on their interaction based on the broader concept that comes back into the previous focus when we reach the third album?

Well... no. You can see last vestiges of it in something like Chokehold's "you keep me sharp and test my worth in blood", but the duality that was once there is completely gone, just like we saw in Jaws, here more akin to dog fights than anything. You get references to hunting in Aqua Regia, but not of the competitive type either. Perhaps if you framed it in the sense of a game of life and death, but there's an animal quality to that, the result of a force of nature rather than something they willingly and knowingly engaged in like in Sugar.

So, what is it, then? Is Blood Sport the last time we ever see their relationship in that light, or at least the last direct acknowledgement of it? Blood Sport is in and of itself an introspective piece, reading more as internal monologue than dialogue. Though, as said at the outset, even though it's an admission of loss that doesn't necessarily mean the game is going to suddenly end. What, then? Did the game actually end there, or did it stop feeling like a game and more like an obligation? If you didn't call the game, you have to decide: will you save yourself the trouble and refuse to put up a fight, or keep fighting anyways? Do you end it now, or do you let it drag out until the end?

[earlgreytea68]

A Post About Identity and “A Little Less ‘Sixteen Candles’...”

Fall Out Boy has a song called “A Little Less ‘Sixteen Candles,’ a Little More ‘Touch Me.’” You might know it because it has a ridiculous Fall Out Boy title. You might know it because it has a ridiculous Fall Out Boy video. This is a song all about identity and expectations and struggling with both

and, if you want to read it that way, Pete struggling with sexuality

After all, what is a vampire if not a metaphor with forbidden sexual desires???

Anyway, this is a song where Pete, over and over, fails to play the role that he thinks he should be playing, that he thinks everyone expects him to play. The title originally was “A Little Less Molly Ringwald, a Little More Samantha Fox,” which underlines how much the song is about identity: Who are you supposed to be? Which of these people? Couldn’t you fit yourself into the proper box?

It opens with an apology (”I messed up”) and the image of trying to “dress up” to get past the situation he’s put himself in. If he could just find the right costume for the moment, surely he could fix everything. Now, how he’s messed up is never explicit in the song, although it’s a song focused entirely on his failure. The only thing he seems to have failed to do is to kiss a girl.

He’s talking to “the girl all the boys want to dance with,” but he separates himself out from those boys. He’s not the boy who wants to dance with her. He’s the “boy who’s had too many chances.” She’s the girl everyone wants and she keeps giving him a shot but he cannot close the deal (”I messed up”).

The chorus is so explicitly about identity: embracing it vs. rejecting it, figuring out what’s authentic and what’s not. “I don’t blame you for being you, but you can’t blame me for hating it.” And then the very next line is “what are you waiting for? kiss her! kiss her!” In this chorus wrestling with identity and blame and loathing, the main command is to just kiss the girl already! This doesn’t seem like a difficult task to be given, but he keeps missing the boat: “I set my clocks early ‘cuz you know I’m always late.” He cannot get his act together. It should be the easiest thing in the world, she’s the girl all the boys want to dance with and you’ve had so many chances, what are you waiting for, just kiss her. But for some reason he’s always late.

The second verse revolves around this failure: “write me off, give up on me, what did you expect.” “I’m just off,” he says, an apparent diagnosis of his problem. Nothing more specific than I’m not what I’m supposed to be, I’m not right, I’m just off. “A lost cause, a long shot, don’t even take this bet.” It’s a veritable suffocation of self-condemnation. What is wrong with me? Just ignore me, I’m not worth your time. He just cannot get himself into the part he’s supposed to be playing.

And even when he does, he doesn’t do it right: “you can make all the moves, you can aim all the spotlights, get all the sighs and moans just right.” This is sex as performance, not as something you want to do but as the part you've got to play. And you can get it all right, but it still won't feel right, you'll still end up out in the cold (”sleeping on your folks' porch again”), “dreaming” of something else entirely, while the girl snarls at you, "Why don't you just drop dead.”

This song is allllll about identity, it's in every single lyric of the song. It really reads like a song struggling with knowing who you're supposed to be and somehow never being able to get it right, no matter how hard you try, just always being off and never making people happy, you set your clocks early because you know you're always going to be late.

[pandasmagorica]

Memory reach: Comrades: Almost A Love Story

OK, flying by the seat of my pants here, working on pure memory. I am one of those lucky people who knew what Jim was talking about when, in Moonlight Chicken, he told Wen about the movie Comrades: Almost a Love Story. I saw that movie many years ago here in San Francisco, either at a film festival or at one of the three theaters, alas, long gone, which used to show movies from Hong Kong. It's a great movie. I remember it in particular as the movie that showed me that Lai Ming (namesake of Li Ming in Moonlight Chicken) could act; before that, I had not been impressed by his acting abilities (although I'm not sure where I might have gotten that impression, as I can't seem to be able to figure out which of his earlier films I might have seen, so it may have been a false memory even at that time). But it really is a great movie and worth hunting down. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be available on any of my current streaming services.

(Edit: Worldcat lists Comrades' availability in various editions.)

So yes, having to go on a memory of a movie I probably saw about 25 years ago as well as the description on MDL. I've reconstructed my memory about it from two important real world events which happened during the course of the movie: the 1987 closure of the Hong Kong Stock Exchange for four days and the 1995 death of Teresa Teng. Please forgive me for errors of fact in describing the movie.

I also suggest reading @telomeke's post on the connection between Comrades: Almost A Love Story and Moonlight Chicken and @waitmyturtles' post on the same subject, as they will likely be much more coherent than my post which follows. Nevertheless, I am thinking about that movie, want to discuss it here, and will plunge forward with my two Hong Kong cents.

Basically, it's about a long time flirtation between two people who meet after emigrating from mainland China to Hong Kong around 1985 or 1986. Qiao, played by Maggie Cheung - who does a great job as well, and always has yes - knows Cantonese, the language of Hong Kong, and is a bit of a schemer. Jun, played by Lai Ming, is a bit simpler and speaks Mandarin. After Qiao's attempt to cheat Jun, they somehow wind up attracted to each other. However, Jun has a fiancé back in China and Qiao falls in with a mob boss, so although – if I recall correctly – they do have an affair, they never fully connect or wind up with each other. Not sure the exact sequence, but at some point in the film the 1987 stock exchange debacle happens and Qiao is wiped out financially. Possibly that is the trigger for her winding up with the mob boss. And Jun marries his fiancé. I think. Again, my memory of the film is hazy.

Full disclosure: Although I have long known and like the song which opens every Moonlight Chicken episode, I am not a Teresa Teng fan and don't recall that aspect of Comrades beyond: the one scene that I will mention in the forthcoming spoilers, and that the Cantonese title of the film is a title of one of her songs.

The theme of the film seems to be that even that if people might be right for each other, the time may not be right for them to be together. Jim echoes this explicitly in his dialogue with Wen in Moonlight Chicken.

Although the focus of this post is the movie and not the series, I do want to give a side prop to Khaotung for being willing to be caught on screen singing that song badly. This goes hand-in-hand with Ohm's destruction of If You Don't Love Her You're Crazy in that bar scene in He's Coming to Me, another Khun Aof series.

Before we get to the spoilers, another Maggie Cheung film I can recommend is Alan and Eric: Between Hello and Goodbye. Warning: it's a weepie. I've also seen her in Days of Being Wild and Behind the Yellow Line but I don't find it either of those films particularly memorable.

Spoilers follow

Back to the movie:

Flash forward 10 years. Both of them wind up in New York City, both now single, still separate and unaware that the other is not far away. Qiao is picked up by immigration authories but escapes. She winds up in front of an appliance store with a window full of televisions. A news story is playing about the death of Teresa Teng. She turns, and also watching the story is Jun. They recognize each other and smile. End of scene.

The film then flashes back to one of them arriving in Hong Kong on the train from China. They get off the train in one direction. The camera pulls back and we see the other one get off the train in the other direction.

So the film is kind of a variation on the idea of people who are destined to meet. In this case they meet very quickly, but just can't manage to be together because the timing is wrong. We don't even know whether they get together this time because the film has cut away. We hope they'll succeed this time, but technically it's an open ending.

It is truly a beautiful film and I recommend tracking it down and watching it if you can.

While there are some parallels between Comrades and Moonlight Chicken, an open ending is not one of them. Please don't let the potentially ambiguous ending stop you from watching Comrades.

[recurringwriter]

i'm spoiled for choice!

Percy torture plan

this never was the man i'd hoped to be by now

hmc au

somewhere i know this could be otherwise romantic

I Could Have Used A Hozier Lyric For This Title But Didn't Want To Get Sued. by Fall Out Boy

oo a lot of old ideas from right here on tumblr!

Percy torture plan

this one is a collection of ramblings from july 2021 apparently: this one and this ask you sent me! i wonder if i should adapt it to Wildfire or if that would be overkill in an already-fraught and whumpy story. much to consider! but putting it in Sparks is another option... hmmm. either way this is worth revisiting.

this never was the man i'd hoped to be by now

this was a mtrench prompt i never finished, but it was going to be about Ludy and the bastards--

"Ludmilla is confronted by her half-sibling(s) about the way she views them and herself. They wish she would stop clinging to things that they all know are never going to happen, stop acting like she's superior to everyone around her, and stop pushing everyone away. She always wants to take the easy way out but there is no easy way."

hmc au

the Howl's Moving Castle au! i still haven't added to it in all this time, but the gist seems to be Rodrigue as Howl, Glenn as Calcifer, and Felicity as the witch of the waste--so it seems like it's another divorce au. i was going to have it that felicity was somehow cursed as well, and then Manuela as Sophie would have to save both her and Rodrigue.

somewhere i know this could be otherwise romantic

ooo!!!! this was 'Ember but what if Felicity and Rodrigue never met at the festival and she never forgave him for being the reason she didn't get a say in her own future'.

"The first letter makes her furious. She's insulted by the shield pendant. She answers passive aggressively despite Colette telling her that it doesn't mean what she thinks it does. He sends her an apology and questions and Felicity hates him. She hates every word he writes and every gift he sends and his hollow tokens. She tries to imagine him, some selfish young Duke-to-be who thinks that he can know her. What is he expecting? All Felicity knows is that she will be ready to do whatever it takes to make him know that she won't love him, and that she will be unhappy, and that she will always be impossible to care for."

i loooove messing with Ember in a million ways and au's. in this case, felicity is being used by her family more explicitly--she is supposed to poison boreas, and then rodrigue after she gets an heir. she refuses, and rodrigue confronts her about it only to realize she's protecting him. she denies it and claims it's just her being Difficult for her family, but in reality she's gradually becoming a better person. she will eventually save rodrigue from some threat and realize she's sorry and has grown feelings for him

I Could Have Used A Hozier Lyric For This Title But Didn't Want To Get Sued. by Fall Out Boy

this is my favourite chapter title ever. it's chapter 6 of my most recent fic, oupy: free to good home. if i had a nickel for every time there was an evil blond rufus that i knew next to nothing about but start writing lengthy fics about him anyway, i'd have 2 nickels. it's reader pov and extremely explicit. i'm over 5k words into this chapter and i'm not going to try and make length estimates anymore because every time i've tried, the fic doubles in length and it's already 42k. the title is in the same vein as the others (a meme) but highlights the fact that this chapter has more emotional impact. the lyric i could have used would have been from It Will Come Back, and had more gravitas than any of the others in the scheme. i had considered rewriting the entire fic with a pov change, all of rufus' chapter titles would be played straight and be melodramatic song lyrics aksdjhgfkjhg but now it's so long i don't think i'll be doing that. probably.

[londondungeon2]

VISCERA END NOTES.

//less complex than a lot i’ve written so this is relatively short. plus i still need to proofread it!

There are a lot of songs involving cannibalism, viscera, and all-consuming love; however, if you want to know the best ones that align with this flavor of Floyd/Shrimpy, their songs are:

YOU ALWAYS EAT THE ONE YOU LOVE by Scary Bitches (reader-adjacent) & CANNIBAL QUEEN by Miniature Tigers (floyd-adjacent)

i'd of liked 2 use harley poe's teeth down there but it doesn't work for the thesis at all, sniffle sniffle, need to write another HP oneshot

Though not explicitly said, it is implied that Floyd took a pay-cut to boast Shrimpy's hourly rate, telling Azul to lessen his hourly rate and raise up his Shrimpy's.

A scene was cut from this because of length and confusion over how to properly execute it -- Floyd would invite Shrimpy to his fight class/basketball practice to prove he's better than Ruggie, only to get too cocky and fall off his broom/catch a basketball to the face. There would a bit of squirming from Shrimpy over the blood coming out his nose but they would ultimately patch him up, begrudgingly with a capital B. This is where the toothpick scene was suppose to come in -- cleaning him like a good cleaner Shrimpy

Speaking on the toothpick, it is implied that Shrimpy has an oral fixation, carrying around toothpicks to gnaw on and their cigarettes.

The blood kink? I watched Sleepy Hollow as a lil girl and that bloody kiss between the headless horseman and the evil step-mother left SUCH an imprint on me. So expect more of that because it like my top 2 kink — non-sexual and sexual wise.

Written for the cannibalism metaphors but honestly I don’t think anyone has had the Reader have a revelation for why Floyd calls them Shrimpy, had to scratch that itch.

 Lai d'ignaure -- that is a reference to a story where "twelve ladies who share the same lover are tricked by their husbands into eating his heart and genitals, cooked as meat in a stew. When the jealous husbands declare that they have fulfilled the ladies’ desire for flesh, the ladies counter with the claim that they were already replete with Ignaure’s love, and they swear to die since they could never again have a meal of such worth."

Walk-in freezer scene was suppose to be a oneshot called Adult Blue, I’m scrapping that, might post the WNIP because it is about three pages

This is my first time completing a STORY instead of a dabble for Floyd Leech so I'm so anxious if he's in character that it makes me physically ill T-T

//if there’s anything unclear just comment below and i’ll clear it up :)

[excessivelemon]

as taylor has said many times, she wants us to come up with our own interpretations of her songs and attach our own stories to them.

maybe thats the reason why i thought of the peace lyric as not being the gossip but rather fuelling it.

maybe she's referencing all the other meaningless past feuds she's had (like katy perrie) or how immaturely she acted in previous relationships (like joe jonas) and is comparing them to his past, how despite this being his first public relationship especially with someone on whom we are focused 24/7, he acted maturely and carried himself with this grace and confidence.

"i talk shit with my friends, its like im wasting your honour" it could be that she thinks how publicly she picks sides during other peoples drama (selena-justin) is childish and petty compared to how he's dealt with his public life.

i'm not saying i know what went through her head while writing this but insecurity is a common human trait and its hard to be with a person all the time and not feel jealous of or try to adopt certain traits of them. just because swifties consider their relationship the pinnacle of maturity doesnt mean it is and like any other relationship, they too have certain "unsaid" discussion remaining between them.

sorry if this was worded wrong and made no sense lol

i agree with a lot of what you said

i think the one thread that comes across for me in a lot of taylor's with-joe-era music is that she looks up to him a lot. like, she sees him as such a gentleman, almost like a white knight, especially compared to her previous partners (lyrics to ...ready for it? make this pretty clear)

and while all of her music is open to interpretation, and i'm not saying all of it is explicitly about her, either (she's admitted death by a thousand cuts was inspired by a friend's break up, for example), i think that her evermore era really felt like she was... it's not that she was seeing through the illusion (of joe as gentleman) but that she was starting to see that her perception of him meant she put herself in a box to suit him

i'm thinking about the lyrics to happiness especially (you could put champagne problems in this category too, but i was never convinced that was about taylor and joe)

in happiness, she describes a break up that could be anyone's, and that's true. but she sings

"after giving you the best i had, tell me what to give after that"

i think she gave everything to be what she thought would suit a reserved, proud gentleman like joe (or who she saw joe to be) and she could never make herself fit perfectly in with him

(even the lyrics to 'glitch', she says "fastening myself to you with a stitch" and that always struck me as self-effacing. might be overthinking, but it makes her sound like an appendage. like he's a person and she's a leech that gets to hang on for the ride. it's not a 'two jigsaw pieces fitting together' lyric, it's a lyric of desperately affixing herself to him so she won't lose him)

I think she was haunted by insecurity for a lot of the relationship because of who she built him up to be

and this isn't hate for joe alwyn, but genuinely....

when i think about the lyrics to The Great War, what I heard in that song was a woman who held herself entirely responsible for a massive rift in her relationship, and he played no part in it, he carried no blame, just "looked up at me with honor and truth"

her lyrics make it seem like she spent so much of that relationship being insecure and feeling like she couldn't measure up to his nobility (for 6 albums!!!!!!) and he just.... let her feel like that? the whole time??????

i feel like a man worth the label 'honorable' wouldn't have let his gf feel like he was better than her for so long. i feel like he would have tried to build her up after everyone tore her down. after she tore herself down. that's imo

[the1975attheirverybest]

Recently watched the ion pack interview and noticed Matty pulling his Sertraline out of his pocket because he rememberd to take it, and for some reason I find that really endearing. I know in the past he's talked about avoiding a diagnosis. Idk it's a dumb little thing but it's just nice to see him taking care of himself mentally and phsyically.

YES, YES, YES, YES!!! I definitely don’t wanna armchair diagnose him or anything. And sometimes, I wish he’d talk about it a little more explicitly cuz… idk, it helps sometimes when artists do. Whether it’s to de-stigmatize mental health, or offer hope to those who feel it ( me, I am those who feel it). But, I don’t know. With Matty, I think he says all he really needs to say through the music. Look at every song ever. Or all of NOTES. I’m in my notes era rn (aka having several crises on a daily basis), And, as a severely depressed and anxious human, Frail State of Mind is literally ALLLLL stuff that I have personally said about myself or thought to my self, or used to describe how I feel. “Sorry I missed your call. I watched it ring.” I’ve done that so much. To the point where people stopped calling me cuz they think I’m avoiding them/ don’t wanna talk.

Or “I always get this way sometimes” or “don’t wanna bore you with my state of mind.” Or “I’ll stay behind.” Or “I wouldn’t know I’m normally in bed at this time.” LEGIT. THINGS I THINK AND SAY ALWAYS. or even I Think There’s Something You Should Know. When I told my family about my diagnosis and at first they didn’t believe me cuz “it doesn’t show.” I’m very good at hiding how I feel. Literally could go on and on foreverrrr.

Anywayssss. All that is to say that perhaps him avoiding a diagnosis in the past was his way of “dealing” or pretending to be in control and I feel like that moment of him taking his meds signifies him growing up. Confronting his issues. Taking accountability. And finally feeling like he’s worth healing and looking after himself. Which all means he’s maturing. I know Twitter doesn’t think so, and we lovingly and affectionately roast Matty all the time, but on a serious note, I’m so so so proud of him for doing the hard work to get better. Cuz that shit really is hard. I’ve deliberately bailed on therapy and shit myself. When things get hard, it’s easy to go into self-destruct mode. It fills me with awe and joy to see that he’s quit hurting myself and is finally growing. Bless his beautiful, gentle soul. I hope he knows how proud we all are of him.

WE LOVE YOU MATTY.

Major apologies for this sappy reply. Back to normal now…..

[kerra-and-company]

Kerra's Playlist: Analysis

Hello folks! Welcome to something I put probably way too much thought into—aka me talking about the playlist I made for Kerra 😊

(also, tagging @i-mybrunettelady and @king-there0f, since you guys said you were specifically interested in seeing this <3)

Warnings for content below: assorted spoilers for the entire GW2 storyline, suicidal thoughts, grief

So, some things about Kerra's playlist that give me Emotions when I listen to it:

The first song on Kerra’s playlist is instrumental, and it’s called Valiant—Kerra’s first-ever title, and one that she has claim to as soon as she awakens.

Broken Heart of Gold is the seventh song. It’s early in this playlist and early in Kerra’s life; she’s about a month and a half old here at most. And the chorus is this:

Sometimes I just wanna quit Tell my life I'm done with it When it feels too painful Sometimes I just wanna say I love myself but not today When it feels too painful I smash my broken heart of gold

Kerra is grieving and she is angry. She had to kill Tiachren. It was her fault and it wasn’t; she could have made another choice but she wouldn’t have; it’s a death that teaches her that guided destinies don’t come casualty-free. This song is mostly about the grief and self-hatred that comes out of this incident, but she’s angry at others as well, and a big part of that anger is directed at the Nightmare Court. When Faolain visits Briarthorn, Kerra (there undercover at the time, working with Alarin) seriously considers killing her, both out of a generalized anger towards the Court and a very personal anger towards Faolain with her (at this point still limited) knowledge of what Faolain did to Caithe.

What I’m Here For (number 10) is meant to be a sweet song but has always been kinda bittersweet for me, and that translates to the role it has in Kerra’s playlist. She, sincerely and truly at this point, thinks her value is in what she can do for other people. (Also, based on where it’s located on the playlist, it’s technically a little before she joins the Order of Whispers, but the line “I’ll be the brightest shadow you’ve ever had” is very tied to her and the Order.)

Angel With A Shotgun is...just a very Kerra song. The whole thing fits her, to be honest, but especially this:

They say before you start a war You better know what you're fighting for Well baby, you are all that I adore If love is what you need, a soldier I will be

For Kerra, this isn't meant to be interpreted in an explicitly romantic sense. You could read it as platonic love/romantic love/just how much she cares about the world in general, and she could be talking about/to many different people. There's also something to be said about this bit:

If love's a fight, then I shall die With my heart on a trigger

Considering that she does, in fact, during PoF.

No One Stands Alone is Kerra's becoming-the-Commander song (think end of level 60 PS and retaking Claw Island):

No one's falling No one will be forgotten No one's going on their own

We find light Through the smoke No one stands alone

Through the fire We find hope No one stands alone

It's good and also very painful--"no one else is dying if I can help it, I will never forget those we lost, I'll stand beside you even if no one else will"--but it's also very much her acknowledging that she's a leader. Where she goes, people will follow, and that's important even if it's hard. And there's the bridge, which is also worth noting:

I won’t let you leave we just started My heart’s on my sleeve, it’s unguarded They might come for me a new target They need a new target My heart is unguarded

Both another instance of her being self-sacrificing and one of her saying that she's going to keep loving anyways, regardless of whether it hurts her or not.

Also, to add one more point--it's an echo of something Tybalt says during the level 40 PS: "When you stand with the Order of Whispers, you never stand alone."

May I is (in this playlist) meant to be Kerra talking to the fledgling Dragon's Watch during LWS1:

May I hold you As you fall to sleep When the world is closing in And you can't breathe May I love you May I be your shield When no one can be found May I lay you down

"Can I protect you, can I love you, are you happy to have me here and as your friend? Because I'm really happy to be yours, and I want to keep this thing we've built, if I can."

Ready or Not is Kerra and Scarlet going back and forth during Clockwork Chaos:

You thought nothing could surprise you You thought you'd seen everything But you never saw me coming All eyes on me Ready or not

Some of the lines are more Kerra, and some of them are more Scarlet, but you could take the song as coming from either one of them alone and it'd be equally valid.

Breathe is Kerra's Tower of Nightmares song--hallucinations, doubt, just have to get through this:

I know right now you're not strong enough But breathe

Strange Sight is technically from one of the Tinkerbell movies, I think? But I first heard it entirely divorced from that context, so it's not particularly relevant xD As far as the new context I'm giving it, this is Kerra's catching-romantic-feelings song:

You're reckless and distant But I'll be persistent I will understand you Strange How I'm drawn to the danger I'll reach out my hand to you

You are a strange sight Some new kind of wonder

There's a light that you shine There's a love, I see it in your eyes

It's not a perfect match in all respects, but those few segments really hit home. Kerra's friendship (and eventual romantic relationship) with Nisha and Canach is based on a) seeing things she understands in both of them, and notably somewhat darker things (Nisha's grief, Canach's anger), and b) being willing to reach out and connect because she thought they were worth connecting to. And they reached back to her, too.

Echo is Kerra right after the Shadow of the Dragon attacks the Summit--she knows her Wyld Hunt now, but so many other things have been thrown into question, and she feels incredibly off-kilter and afraid in a way she's really never been before:

I can't get a grip, but I can't let go There wasn't anything to hold onto, though

The trembling fear Is more than I can take When I'm up against The echo in the mirror

Brittle, on the other hand, is Kerra after she learns the truth about the origin of sylvari, thanks to both the memory seeds and Nisha. It's anger at her mother and Caithe, anger at her situation, anger at herself for not being stronger, and anger at Mordremoth (and those distrustful of sylvari) as we bleed over from the end of LWS2 into HoT and the Pact fleet's destruction. I think the segment of this song that best fits Kerra here is this:

If I get defensive Don't say I'm oversensitive Maybe I have a tendency to snap on people telling me "You fit inside this box we built, we know you better than yourself" They're lying, they're lying, they're lying

Dear Shadow comes at the end of HoT, but it's reflective of Kerra and her Wyld Hunt and her emotions surrounding it since she awakened. She's talking to her Hunt, the voice in the back of her mind telling her to kill the dragon, like it's an entity all its own:

The first day that we met I saw you out of the corner Of my eye, I was 5 You're still the thumb that I'm under

Oh, I hid you away Pushing you down You left me caught between a light and a dark place

On the wall I was 10, you were more than a feeling By my side, unwanted The sun would see you come creeping Made of fear I was strong There's no shame to have you here Where you belong

I've been lonely Keeping you back there behind me Got this swollen feeling We could make amends I see it's only me needing You back there behind me In my soul I feel like Maybe we'll be friends But you're holding me back Yeah, you're holding me back And I just want to run

In order of segment, it's referencing: sapling times, post-Zhaitan, LWS2, the final battle with Mordremoth (where the Hunt is finally completed). This is maybe one of my favorite songs on this whole playlist.

Brother gives me emotions about Kerra and Trahearne, and them supporting each other as they build the Pact, and the huge risk that she takes to save him at the end of HoT--she's the one to bring him home:

Ramblers in the wilderness We can't find what we need We get a little restless from the searching Get a little worn down in between Like a bull chasing the matador Is the man left to his own schemes Everybody needs someone beside 'em Shining like a lighthouse from the sea

Brother, let me be your shelter Never leave you all alone I can be the one you call When you're low Brother, let me be your fortress When the night winds are driving on Be the one to light the way Bring you home

Now You Believe In You is instrumental, but the title alone says why it's important. Kerra post!HoT is free from her Wyld Hunt. She still carries losses on her shoulders and always will, but she truly believes in her capability going forward and in herself, now, in a way that was thrown a little off course for a while during LWS2. It's also that feeling that gives her the last push she needs to confess to Canach and Nisha.

And Rather Be is her confession song:

If you gave me a chance, I would take it It's a shot in the dark, but I'll make it Know with all of your heart, you can't shame me When I am with you, there's no place I'd rather be

"I want to be with you, if you want that too. I choose this, I choose you. Both of you are so absolutely worth the love I have for you."

Also worth noting a couple more lines:

It's easy being with you Sacred simplicity

In a lot of ways, this isn't actually that true. Kerra's the Commander, Nisha takes on the Marshal position a few months after this point, Canach's billet is still held by Anise, and they have literally no idea what form the world is going to take going forward. So it's not so much the situation that's simple, but the being-with-them, and the choice itself. Of course she'd choose them.

We're different and the same

Always been important, always will, even if it's a statement that'd be true about any set of strangers you met on the street.

As long as I am with you My heart continues to beat

And last but not least, I continue to be mean about seeing foreshadowing here--they're not with her when she fights Balthazar.

Never Look Away is one of my favorite songs for the three of them (Nisha/Kerra/Canach), in part because of its tendency to list things out in threes. (Also because there's literally the line "We're gonna photosynthesize and drink up the sunrise" in it, which is excellent.) I bolded a couple bits to highlight the triplets, but I wanted to show you all of these lyrics because they fit really really well:

So do they ever shut up because you said so or Do you overthink 'em all Somebody ought to corrupt you on the dance floor And take you home Show you all your daemons and desires and dark sides All of your colonies and continental divides

Let me uncover the silver in your dark hair The weight of your bones I want to witness the beauty of your repair The shape you've grown For you are made of nebulas and novas and night sky You're made of memories you bury or live by

So if you're out there in the cold I'll cover you in moonlight If you're a stranger to your soul I'll bring you to your birthright I want the storm inside you awoken now I want your warm bright eyes To never look away

Sunlight (yes, the Hozier one) is a song that could really go in a lot of places on this playlist--it's very Kerra, but not a specific time of Kerra doing things. For the purposes of the playlist timeline, though, it's during LWS3. All the lyrics fit in some way, but to avoid quoting all of them, I'll just give you this:

All the tales the same Told before and told again A soul that's born in cold and rain Knows sunlight, sunlight, sunlight And at last can grant a name To a buried and a burning flame As love and its decisive pain Oh, my sunlight, sunlight, sunlight

Dirt Around The Tree is a song that's so Kerra (in terms of both her entire timeline and specifically right after she comes back from being dead in PoF) that my brain visualized an entire animatic for it that I'm not able to draw--I won't write about it here, but I am absolutely going to reblog that post so you can see. It's also in my fics tag if anyone's reading this and decides they want to go find it :)

Paper Dragon gives me Kerra vibes post-PoF specifically, but it's also just a good song for Kerra looking into the faces of Elder Dragons and a god and saying, "Still standing." For a few segments:

Well, you try to stamp me out But I'll come to life You try to burn me up But I'll never die

Sticky tape me, re-arrange me, throw me out, start again Re-use me, confuse me, shred me up-up into little pieces You say I make no sense

Oh, you don't own me I don't think you're fair Try to destroy me I don't care

All I Know So Far is one of my favorite songs for Kerra and her kids (Aurene, Rhi, Tev and Ia). It's also specifically a parenting song for Kerra and her partners, if you choose to listen to it for the three of them rather than just for her:

I wish someone would have told me that this life is ours to choose No one's handing you the keys or a book with all the rules The little that I know I'll tell to you When they dress you up in lies and you're left naked with the truth

This verse in particular (above) is very Kerra, but the chorus that it segues into (below) has elements of her and Nisha and Canach:

You throw your head back, and you spit in the wind Let the walls crack, 'cause it lets the light in Let 'em drag you through hell They can't tell you to change who you are That's all I know so far And when the storm's out, you run in the rain Put your sword down, dive right into the pain Stay unfiltered and loud, you'll be proud of that skin full of scars That's all I know so far

And the rest of the song is like that, too; I'm just not going to put all of it here for the sake of both space and my brain xD :)

Run is another one I wrote an animatic "script" for--will reblog that shortly, but please check out my fics tag and you'll find it there!

And last but not least for individual songs, I have to mention Hell or High Water because it's a very Kerra-during-EoD song, struggling against both the Void and Ankka (as well as all the other complications going on). It's also related to water, which, considering Soo-Won, is very fitting:

We are running out of time Meet me at the water line No one here is safe We are running out of time Don't forget your promises It's only fear inside your head We won't be replaced No one here is safe

When the river's running red And we begin to falter We'll hang on to the edge Come hell or high water

There's a few song parallels in here also--three of note are:

1) Weight of the World (during the Zhaitan campaign/level 80 PS) and Featherweight (when Kerra steps down as Commander after EoD), and

2) Go for Gold (the first instance where a song has "champion" in the lyrics, which for Kerra is both being a champion for herself and her new friends during LWS1) and Champions ("champions aren't born, they're built"--after returning from the Domain of the Lost).

3) Angel With a Shotgun comes back later, in a sped-up version, during the early part of EoD--Kerra is willing to sacrifice herself to save Rhi and Gorrik when they're all crashing into the shores of Cantha, and it's why she's as injured as she is (and why she needs almost a month to recover).

And...I shall stop there! But if you actually read this far, thanks so much for being interested, and I hope you had a good time. My brain has so many Kerra thoughts in it at all times and a bunch of those manifest in her playlist, so it was really nice to write this down.

:) <3