jacks-design-com-blog

[dormarunt]

I feel like it's my AO3 given duty to post fic now/today seeing how I'm currently recovering after surgery.

I remember in 2020 finishing Let's Make Art after surgery

In 2021 I posted Desnudos post-op iirc, and the pain before the surgery helped me write The Spider And The Fly

[blorbosexterminator]

"There are some things Andrés is worse about than Martin and vice versa" - i'm curious what things do you mean specifically? both of them are very bad morally but what are the points where one is slightly more decent than the other?

That's a statement definitely open to interpretation, but if we look at canon (in my view at least), we have two clear examples of something Andrés did and Martín didn't (with no reason to assume from the audience that he would do in any scenario and vice versa.

With Andrés, I'm obviously talking about the Thing with Ariadna. It's a very wobbly handled storyline with a lot of revisionism and retcon in the literal season it happened lmfao, but it's Rape, loud and clear. I personally don't adhere to the Andrés didn't know what he was doing line of thought. Maybe he did grow too delusional with it to think him and the hostage fell in love along the way, but the first time it happened on screen, that was 100% rape by a man who knew he was raping. I don't particularly think it was a very out of character move. He very much wanted to have one last true love, but he also wanted to establish power and dominance and some twisted sense of "kinghood' in the mint once he went in, and taking Ariadnna and making her some sort of concubine and making her and the other women terrified for their lives unless they offer him something was absolutely a part of that.

Now that's a moral taboo I have no reason to believe Martín would be willing to cross. On the other hand, Martín did betray the entire banda and unleashed a professional assassin on them, endangering literally all of their lives and resulting in the death of one (and near deaths of others, Helsinki for example nearly died at Gandia's hands), he exposed Rio's weakness and orchestrated the perfect way for Gandia to attack.

Which is something I don't think Andrés would be willing to do. In canon, we actually have enough reasons to believe the contrary. Whatever Andrés' faults, he was, in his own twisted way, a team player. His loyality to the team, his complete unwillingness to even seem like a person who would sell his team out, etc, are significant traits of his. I think he would think it way too below him to betray his team and help the enemy to that extent and in that way.

I think their moral compasses stand more or less on the same level. They are both obviously willing to go very far and twist their morals to get what they want. And maybe those two things had more to do with what they wanted than what they're willing to do. Andrés' desperation for love and for the image of ancient power (rather than actual power) bs Martín's need to be in total control no matter the consequences and no matter who is sacrificed.

Those are the two events where each was more decent than the other (and it's funny that they are the two events Pina did everything in his power to retcon and pass over like nothing happened. Pina's desire to have characters do horrible things but at the end of the day still be palatable by audiences and perceived as "more good than bad" is just funny to me. )

[roccinan]

How do you feel when you watch the spin off? What do you think of it? And do you like it? For me, I sort of like eps 1-4, the rest are just meh, I couldn't bring myself to care for the other characters, I tried. And I was very confused, what year the spin off?. It started off good and... Idk. All I can say is that Andres truly belong in the asylum. That man creeps me out. If I were Camille, I ran away the second I saw that creep. Lol.

Hello anon! I couldn't answer you earlier because I didn't get to watch it. But now I've finished it and, hum, I certainly have a lot of thoughts that I'll probably post later LOL.

For now, here are the most fresh on my mind. I agree with you- eps 1-4 were surprisingly good, last one was pretty cool too, ralicia supremacy. I was mostly just surprised I didn't dislike it. Can't say I loved it, or that it's my ideal berlin spinoff, but for all the "factors" against it that Pina chose of his own free will asdfasdf, it turned out surprisingly OK.

Spinoff takes place around 2013, according to Pina. Which messes with the canon timeline so much we'll just have to see it as a parallel universe where time doesn't matter.

I now call spinoff!Andres my wife. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. So unfortunately, I cannot slander my bride like that.

But I liked that he was still a freak. The show didn't try to make him a better person thankfully, but I think a lot of the reviews were complaining about him being an asshole or complaining that he was ruined for not being enough of an asshole, missed the mark a bit. The main problem, if we have to pick one, about him, is that the context around him is too shallow to take seriously. His speeches about love have no substance (and they actually did in lcdp) because the circumstances have no substance. He's putting romance above the heist because well, why shouldn't he lmao? There's no personal stake here, and it's not like he'll get capital punishment for getting caught.

And that "problem" extends to everyone else. Their motives and actions are just very shallow and There for the sake of being there. Like Roi and Cameron could have had a moving romance, but instead Cameron made me cringe very badly with how much she felt like Alex Pina's idea of "hawt gurl with sad past!!" And said "sad" past was actually really fucked up but the story didn't seem to think so!? It wasn't a tragic romance--it was a 20-something musician sleeping with a 15yo fangirl, abducting her, and then traumatizing her so badly she entered the asylum and ended up hanging out with berlin. Like????

I'll say I misunderstood Keila though. Liked her a lot better in the show than the trailers. But everytime I went "oh, I like her uwu" she'd do something that makes me GAG like inhaling Bruce's sweat or licking his spoon asdfasdf Also the part where she confessed her love for him after the snake bite gave me secondhand embarrassment. None of the love stories felt lasting, believable, or touching to me. Probably because there were too many of them and it was even more convenient than lcdp proper!

Bruce was different than I expected. He's insensitive, but not "dumb" like the character descriptions made him out to be. Same as Keila. Everytime I thought "I like him uwu" he'd do something like talk about pubic hair or cover himself in oil/water, instantly making me die.

Damian is Sergio 2.0 and also Martin 2.0, but straight and old. No strong feelings for him either way. But it was funny that Andres got so mad about sharing a bed with him, when he was willingly hopping into bed with Martin LMAO. Also ngl, it stung my little berlermo heart to see Damian and Andres sing karaoke and go on a lover's bike ride together.

Roi was my favorite new member. He felt like a real original character, and his relationships with Cameron and Andres were nicely fleshed out even if they both confused me. Cameron because the romance was shallow to me. Andres because Roi never told us how they met or why Andres took him in. Andres giving Roi advice on temper control is also hilarious. We'll just have to assume that Andres is willing to raise everyone's kid except his own. He even took that one boy to the bathroom asdfasdf

But overall, I agree anon. I just didn't care for the new characters the same way I did the old gang or the cormorants. Maybe because the stakes were too low or because they were always beautiful and perfect (except Damian lol) no matter the situation. I personally think the producers were trying very hard to create new stars with this show, so they aggressively showed off Pina's flashy new blorbos (cameron, keila, bruce, and roi) but you can't force popularity. This is also my conspiracy theory for the lack of Sergio- they knew having the profesor here would take too much attention from the flashy new blorbos.

Not much to say about Camille. Was hoping she'd be cooler/smarter than this, but what kind of smart woman would not see the red flags in Andres LMAO. Wasn't surprised when Polignac turned out to be an asshole either- man just has the face of a jerk. Was disappointed that they didn't have a threesome with Andres. And the smartest person was Camille's friend.

Lastly, SAME ANON LOL Andres was an insane stalker, off the wall crazy and so annoying about it too. I wish Camille would have slapped him in the end, but oh well- at least their storyline didn't end as stupidly as it could have. She got her money at least XD Hopefully she's not dumb enough to reunite with him (and if she's wife no. 4 we know it didn't work out already).

Does the show deserve a season 2? No. Will I watch season 2? Yes LOL

Main takeaways:

Romance 1/10 Heist 7.5/10 Pedro's face 11/10 New characters 2/10 (not sharing all of their backstories or why/how they ended up in berlin's gang was a major weak point imo) Story 5/10

A solid 7/10 if we don't compare it to lcdp.

[antbitez]

i hate berlermo.

okay, HEAR ME OUT FIRST!! do i hate the ship? yes. absolutely. does that stop me thinking about them every second of the day? no. i am in so much pain help me.

want to start with talking about berlin. he is a straight man. martín was NOT his bisexual awakening or something. he. is. a. straight. man. they could not work and berlin made that very clear on multiple occassions. he is also an egomaniac. he has so many disorders, and while i dont want to portray him as some heartless monster (because he isn't!! he cares about himself but that doesn't mean he doesnt care about others too!), i find it hard to believe he didn't keep palermo around to mess with him.

the kiss scene between andrés and martín is the root of a large majority of martíns issues. we see throughout the series that palermo is withdraw from his emotions and love, he has attatchment issues, and he has not moved on from berlin even two years later. he hasnt let himself recover from his death, and his loss of a hopeless, unobtainable love. when berlin kissed him, they both knew that would be the last they saw of eachother. they both knew berlin was willing to let himself die (both because of his illness and his love for his brother) during the heist. it left palermo with false hope, that maybe something could have come from it. but there never could have! that is their last interaction, and that is the last thought he leaves with martín. i wholly believe berlin was fully aware what that would do to him, and left with that as a little "you won't be forgetting me :)" because everything with berlin is Him Him Him. without the kiss, martín would have been able to heal so much quicker and easier.

palermo doesn't start to heal until two years later, when he gets involved in the bank heist. up until that point he blames sergio for the "love of his life"s death, but slowly comes to realise that this group of people that berlin died for are the most caring people. he begins to understand it. they are hurt, they have losed loved ones too, they are risking everything for a loved one. they are so much like him. does he make mistakes? YES! so does everyone in the group, but it is in his nature to stir trouble when he doesn't get his way. did his actions have awful consequences because of that? unfortunately, yes! but he regrets them. he is forgiven, even by those he probably shouldn't be forgiven by!

by the end martín is so much more in touch with his emotions, he realises that he doesnt have to settle for unobtainable love, and he can be loved unconditionally. he went into the bank heist for berlin, but came out of it with so much more. palermo would not have been in the place he was in by the end of it if andrés was still around.

money heist was so refreshing to watch as a queer person. queer relationships were not perfect. i understand the appeal of berlermo, i really do, but they are so unhealthy. i understand the need to cling onto any sort of gay rep because its so scarse in mainstream media, but there is so many queer stories in this show, and none of them are appreciated as much as berlermo, which i find kinda weird!! why is a relationship with a gay man and a straight man more adored than helsinki and palermo? two gay men who helped eachother through SO MUCH! what about the beautiful platonic soulmate relationship between helsinki and nairobi? what about the amazing transwoman, who was such a genuine representation of some trans struggles? please stop prioritising the cishet in queer stories. berlin is so important to so many characters, especially martín, but him as a love interest to martín shouldn't be the main focus in his story, because his whole arc was getting over him and moving on. in reality, he made martín the most unhappiest he had ever been.

[sorrydearie]

#: shaky hands :) :) :) :) :)

berlermo + sick whump prompts

“You’ve been hiding this from me. Why?”

It wasn’t an accusation, not exactly. There was no malice behind the words. No hatred, no ire. Martín didn’t have enough strength left for it. 

He was too exhausted, lying there on the living room floor, feeling empty and drained and like a mere shadow of himself – like someone had shoved a fist into his chest and ripped out his miserable little heart. 

There had been so many times in the past when Martín had wanted to punch Andrés, and God knows the bastard would have deserved it. Whenever he had brought home another one of his women like a tomcat dragging in a dirty rat, when he would just up and leave in the middle of the night to chase a flight of fancy, when he wouldn’t listen to Martín’s practical concerns because think about the aesthetics, Martín!

But he’d always held back. 

Until tonight.

Martín hadn’t been able to help it. It was as if a switch had been flicked: he’d seen red when he had found the doctor’s note among Andrés’s things. 

Helmers Myopathy.

Andrés’s mother's disease. 

A death sentence. 

Andrés was going to leave him. He’d fuck off and die, like the selfish bastard he was, and leave Martín to wither away by himself.

Next to him, Andrés heaved a sigh. The air rattled inside his lungs, hollow and damp. There was a faint whistling noise when he spoke, too; Martín thought he might have broken his nose when he punched him. 

“I never meant for you to find out,” Andrés said matter-of-factly: water is wet, the sky is blue. I never intended to tell you. “But I should’ve known it was pointless. You’re as nosy as Veroni—”

“Don’t!” Martín gritted his teeth. “I’m not one of your fucking wives, I’m so much more. So don’t you fucking dare compare me to them, you fucking piece of shit.”

Something sparked to life inside his chest. Righteousness, a red-born fury. 

He had been Andrés’s best friend for the better part of a decade. He’d been at his side, always. Together, inseparable. They’d been destined for greatness, to burn as bright as Icarus chasing the sun. 

Where had they gone wrong? In what world did it end like this – without their heist, without their reward. 

Nothing.

Fucking nothing. 

Martín had written the most beautiful mathematical poem for Andrés – a declaration of love, if you so will – and now he’d never get to show him.

Andrés would never know how far Martín was willing to go for him, what kind of beauty he inspired in Martín. What he’d create in his name and lay to his feet, like a humble offering to a cruel and vain god. 

His throat tightened and he blinked furiously, staving off tears. The ceiling blurred into a sheen of white, the hanging lamps turned into glowing stars. Did heaven look like this? Was this what Andrés would see when he—

When he died. 

Andrés’s hand found his. Squeezed, as though he wanted to hold on to him after all, as though he wanted it as badly as Martín. 

A sob caught in Martín’s throat.

He wanted nothing more than to turn his face and curl up next to Andrés. To have and hold him, so close, so tight, so possessively that not even Death himself would dare to take him from Martín. 

“You are right. You’re so much more, you’re—” Andrés trailed off. He was searching for the right words. The ones that’d pacify Martín. The ones that’d mend what had been broken.

(Martín wasn’t sure they even existed. He prayed they did.) 

A few beats of silence, then Andrés sighed. Half exhale, half resignation.

“You weren’t supposed to know,” he said again, sounding impossibly tired. “You worked so hard on the plan, I couldn’t let you throw it away. Not for anything in the world, not because of this. Giving up was never an option.”

He hesitated.

Martín's heart pounded in his ears, so loud he thought Andrés might hear it.

“If tonight was my last night,” Andrés went on, intently, “I’d want to spend it robbing the bank of Spain.”

With you. 

The words hung in the air between them, unspoken. Always unspoken. 

“Don’t take that future away from me, Martín.”

Martín’s chest seized.

His fingers curled around Andrés’s, his grip tight and unyielding.

Andrés never begged for anything, wouldn’t even dare to bat an eye in the face of Death. 

But he pleaded now, with Martín. 

So how could he refuse him?

(How could anyone refuse Andrés anything he wanted?)

“We’ll do it,” Martín said quietly. A promise, an oath, a vow. “We'll rob the bank of Spain. It’s our right.”

And after… 

After, Martín would find a way to keep Andrés. Forever.

[the--sound--of--rain]

2022 Writers' Review

It's already two months into the year, but I'm still going to do this, because I think it's such a nice thing. I was tagged by @lavandulacosmos and @natures-marvel thank you! 💕

1. What is your AO3 account?

brownest_goldfish

2. How many words did you write total in 2022?

34'481, according to AO3 stats

It's not a lot of words, but I feel like this was the year I've developed most as a writer so far, especially writing the first chapter of Lamb and the last chapter of my spooktober fic and I'm very proud of that ✨

3. How many fics did you publish in 2022? How many multichapters vs oneshots?

12 fics, 3 multichaptered and 9 oneshots (and of the 3 multichaptered ones only one is finished so you can see that this is not where my strength lies agajsks but i'm trying to do it more and i actually love it!)

4. What was your longest fic? Your shortest fic?

"A Lover in the story" (finished) is the longest at 9987 words but I published 5000 of those in 2023. Otherwise the longest is "A Lamb for Our Love" at 8618 words so far (one of two chapters)

The shortest is "With a smile" at 412 words. The shortness is owed to it being only one scene, more of a picture I imagined after reading Cry Wolf by @roccinan – and since I can't draw, I decide to write it down 🥰

5. What was your most popular fic? Your least popular fic?

I find this so hard to say, because numbers can never really encapsulate this, and every piece of appreciation from anyone for any fic is a gem in itself. But just for simplicity I'll go for Kudos and Hits here:

The one with most Kudos and Hits is funnily one I didn't write for Berlermo, but for "Arcane" as a birthday gift for @stilljustbitten: "Ice blue" got 113 Kudos and 842 Hits, probably owed to the fact that this fandom is just a bit bigger. My most popular Berlermo fic in 2022 in numbers is "Art and Attraction" at 83 Kudos and 755 Hits.

The least popular in numbers is "Love wins" at 16 Kudos and 146 Hits.

6. What fic didn’t perform as well as you thought it would?

I didn't expect a specific amount of reaction on any of them, so I'd say none of them. Every interaction with on of my fics just made me go "oh!🥰"

7. What fic performed way better than you thought it would?

I'd say "Like the Painting of a sorrow" because it was this oneshot I came up with, wrote and posted within 24 hours, a random idea after reading Dorian Gray. That being said, I am very proud and fond of it, so it made me so happy that it was appreciated!

And also "Love wins", I struggled getting the first chapter together and was worried it was too chaotic, and I was so happy it got good feedback.

8. What was your favorite fic you wrote from 2022?

I'm most proud of and currently most emotionally attached to "A Lover in the story". I'm especially proud of the last chapter, mostly because I managed to write it at all and make something I really like of it.

A Lamb for our Love stands right next to it though – although it's still not finished. (Not because I neglected it, but just because the second chapter is so hard to write) and I'm so excited for what it will become <3

9. What was your favorite fic that somebody else wrote in 2022?

Reducing this to one would be a shame, so I'll list a few 😊

and that was the moment i knew by @alfredo-kesmann

Andrés has Hanahaki disease and coughs up red roses. Whose favourite flowers could those be?

It had started with inconspicuous coughing, a few weeks ago. Soon followed the shaky breaths, the trouble breathing normally at random times. Then, came the shaking fingers, half a week later, creating unavoidable unsteady black lines in the painting he had been working on, the jawline of his self portrait now ruined.

A beautiful take on the trope, with all the drama befitting Berlermo, and overall an extremely romantic and enjoyable read.

Chimera 키메라 by @signorin-anarchia

A sort of crossover of Money Heist Korea and La casa de papel. Andrés is in the concentration camp Korean Berlin was in. Martín joins him there.

His mother's arms are a cradle, a safe haven.

A shelter from all that is evil on earth.

He can remember the faded feeling of bones colliding, rubbing, which nevertheless feels as comfortable as nothing in the world.

Nothing in the whole world.

But there's never much more than anything in the world.

And now his mother's arms are pincers, stealing his life, locking his way.

A very interesting concept with beautiful execution, and very poetic prose that aches just right when you read it.

The Swan's Symphony by @nharidy

Martín plans another and executes heist after the gold heist, and a rescue mission for Andrés on the side – who is alive but asuffering <3. All the old members of the gang are there, and also a lot of new additions.

“Is this true?” Estocolmo asked, turning to El Professor. Mirko, however, was looking at Palermo. It doesn't matter whether it's true or not , he realized. Palermo wasn’t there because one night in the future he might get killed in his bed. 

No, he was there for the one and only reason he's ever done anything since Mirko knew him.

El Profesor sighed.

This genuinely feels like a continuation of lcdp. It gives all the vibes of the show, the characters, their interactions and the action, flashbacks and execution of the heist are spot on. Just overall extremely fun to read.

Remember what your old pal said by @roccinan

La casa de papel Toy Story AU. Andrés is a bullfighter doll, and he finds Martín in the collection he belongs to. But what is Martín really up to?

Andrés is beautiful. And he doesn’t need a mirror to tell him what he already knows. Because he can stare at anything that bounces back light for a wonderful view of himself from head to toe: sunglasses, helmet visors, watches, or even the window on a bright spring day.

He has a slim, well-proportioned frame, a statuesque figure that expertly hides a body of incredible might and power within its wires.

This is genuinely just hilarious, and Andrés is perfectly delusional in it. And the Berlermo romance is so sweet – with an added element of darkness, of course.

10. Tag your friends to do this year-end fic review as well!

I think everyone has already been tagged and done this agajsks but I'll tag the ones I haven't seen doing it, please just ignore this if you have ✌🏼💕 @dormarunt @liz @signorin-anarchia @oreo @lammaducks ✨

[shotgun-cake]

What are your headcanons for berlermo as a married couple?

The way this ask made a little "!!!" pop inside my brain.

I just went digging into old DMs from back when I was still riding the high of 'something stolen', and even though I never managed to write a wedding fic sequel, I do have a pretty good idea of what their married life is like.

• A lot of PDA, for one. Maybe it's wishful thinking on my end, but I'm focusing on the way they're always all over each other's space in the flashbacks, touching and embracing and staring at nothing but each other. That bubble of intimacy, like nothing else exists-- well, that, but multiplied by two wedding rings plus one honeymoon period that lasts for years and years.

It ranges from sweet to gross depending on who you ask. They're always kissing around the gang, holding hands or touching somewhere. Exchanging loaded looks, making innuendos. Straight up eclipsing themselves without a word exchanged, clearly on their way to more private quarters.

• I also have this idea of an inside joke between them: I think they'd find it hilarious to joke about the old 'Ball And Chain' cliché. Everyone was at their wedding, they know what an event it was and how madly in love they are with each other.

They don't find it funny, but Andrés does, especially if it's Martín who makes it a running gag.

"Ugh, gotta spend time with the hubby again, lord strike me dead, free me from this loveless marriage"

("time with the hubby" is probably something romantic like a candlelit dinner and a walk on the beach under the stars...)

Or one day, when Raquel asks "Are you free this afternoon? Paula asked if you could babysit her again", Martín makes a whole show of huffing and puffing.

"I can't today, querida. You know me, always stuck with that guy... He's dragging me someplace and I can't get out of it. Pffff, I should've never gotten married."

Raquel rolls her eyes at him and drops the subject.

That thing he couldn't get out of? A spa day planned out by his lovely husband, that starts out with a couple's massage, and ends with the two of them getting hot and bothered the large jacuzzi of their hotel room. There isn't even any particular occasion. This morning, Andrés just got up and declared “I'm taking you out tonight. You don't need to bring any clothes”

And Martín wrapped himself up in the bedsheets, pretending to shield his innocent body from this lecherous gaze he couldn't suffer. “How dare you, sir? I'm a married man!” The sound of Andrés's laughter echoed across the corridor, and Martín knew even before he smelled it that his husband was cooking some pancakes to bring back in bed.

So, really, Martín is doing fine with the state of his marriage.

[veterveter]

Congrats on the end of that uni semester!! 🍾🎉 To stay on topic, I bring forward:

Berlermo + College AU 🎓📚

(not the most original of AUs, but based on the way you write I'm so very curious about your take on it)

send me a (horribly cliched) au + a pairing for a drabble/ficlet/fic!

“If you really think about it, it all started with the vending machine,” Martín announced, seemingly unprompted.

“Hmm?” Andrés hummed, a paintbrush in his mouth. He was working on his final project. It was going to be a portfolio of portraits of Martín, in different mediums. He hadn’t told Martín this, yet. He didn’t want to showcase this particular project before it was all complete. He liked to imagine the awed look on Martín’s face when he finally saw it, all of it.

“You know, all of this.” Martín motioned with both hands. Andrés never told him to stop moving while he was being painted. How else was he to capture Martín’s energy? He was perpetually in motion, in real life as well as in art. “It started with the vending machine.”

Andrés moved his palette to his left hand to grab the paintbrush with his right. “The vending machine?” he repeated.

“Is there an echo here?” Martín snorted. “No but really; I was craving a mocha. And they had run out. So I had to leave the fifth floor of the library—”

“The Mad Max floor, as the rest of us call it.” The engineering floor. Andrés had never been, until six months ago, when it suddenly became imperative to go there daily.

“And I had never been to the seventh floor, you know?”

“A gross error. It’s the best floor.”

“The American Psycho floor, as the rest of us call it.” No one actually said that, surely. “There’s no desks. You can’t study, up there.”

“That’s the entire point. You can’t study there, so it’s quiet. Not an engineer in sight.”

“Anyway, I had never been. And never would have gone, either. But I was so desperate for coffee—“

Andrés nodded. He was starting to understand where Martín was going with this. And even though the way he told the story was a little too down-to-earth for Andrés’s liking, there was something endearing about the concept. “Only to learn that the seventh floor houses no vending machines. Only a stellar view.”

“Used to be more stellar before the construction site—”

“It’s breathtaking.” Andrés never studied, but he did often admire the view. He had painted it, too, in varying shades of yellow and magenta. “And I was there.”

“Right. And then you tripped me over.”

“Not on purpose, I assure you.” It had absolutely been on purpose. Who was to blame him? He had thought Martín looked… fun. He had a stack of books and a scowl. He looked so mortally offended, and he didn’t even glance at Andrés in his search for coffee. So, Andrés just chose that moment to stretch his tired legs. They were very tired.

“Completely on purpose. You laughed.”

“On instinct. Is it not your first instinct to laugh, when witnessing an accident?”

“No.”

Andrés shrugged. “Oh.”

“And then we had that argument—”

“We didn’t have an argument. You yelled at me. In a library.”

“And we were thrown out.” Andrés could hardly blame them; Martín’s curses had probably been heard all the way down on the Wolf of Wall Street floor.

“The acoustics have always been magnificent.”

“They are. The echo is horrendous, it’s a fucking library.”

“Anyway. We got thrown out, and the rest is history?”

“I think it’s worth mentioning that we’ve been friends ever since.”

“Friends? Is that what you would call us? You tell the story of our first meeting and it’s all romantic, only to ruin it by saying we’ve been friends ever since?”

“Shut up.”

“I am mortally wounded. I consider you my soulmate, my other half, my one true love—” Andrés delighted in the way Martín couldn’t quite hold his gaze. He was always rewarded when he strayed into drama. Perhaps he was studying the wrong degree. “And you call us friends?”

“Fine, we’ve been best friends since. Please stop talking.”

“Not good enough,” Andrés insisted. Friends. He’d have to get his revenge for this. Maybe he’d invite Sergio for dinner with them and spend the entire time making innuendos. Two birds with one stone; an embarrassed Martín and a disgusted Sergio.

Martín stood up from the chair, rounded around the unfinished painting of himself, glanced at it but didn’t comment.

“More than friends, how about that?”

“Soulmates,” Andrés insisted, just for the look on Martín’s face, the barely concealed wonder that asked do you really think so?

“What I meant to say is, it got us here, that broken fucking vending machine.” Martín finished, finally. There was something soft in his eyes. Something fond; nostalgic, even. Andrés wasn’t sure he could ever capture that emotion on paper, but it wouldn’t stop him from attempting it. Later.

“Are you saying all this just because you want a coffee?”

“Yes. I’m bored, and you promised me one for modelling for you.”

[oreo-cookies-fan]

Ok, so imagine an alternative universe in which you hear your soulmate's last thought.

You got it? Good.

So now imagine Martin walking down the street and he suddenly hears Andres' voice in his head.

"Martin, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry"

[delirious-and-slightly-murderous]

You pointed out that Latino and Spanish people are generally more touchy and affectionate, but when Berlermo explain the plan to Sergio and they stand like that, holding hands - is that still something considered normal between friends?

Hi Anon! 

Okay, so first I'm gonna try and be a bit clearer with my explanations because I know I sometimes have trouble getting my point across, so I hope I manage here (and also I want to say that my views here come from my experience of my specific country of Latin America. It's probable that some things will be different or people have different views in other countries of Latin America. We are not a monolith.)

Okay so when you say holding hands you mean this right?:

Bear with me a bit here, this will probably get long.

So as I said, in lots of mainstream media, especially USA media, (and sometimes even in people's heads) there's this idea or stereotype that latinos are easy, and slutty and are over-sexualized (maybe not the best examples but the ones that come to mind off the bat: Gloria from Modern Family or Santana from Glee, that Argentinian dude from Moulin Rouge and pretty much any Latino man from shows like CSI, Law and Order and stuff like that). 

It's a well established trope/stereotype, so much so that people have lots of things to say about the matter (if you want, look up 'Spicy Latina' and 'Latin Lover', there's lots of videos and debates on the subject). 

All this what it says to me is that there IS a big cultural difference between latinos and everyone else when it comes to affections and physical touch. That stereotype of us being slutty and easy comes mainly from the fact that we are physical in a way that to other cultures may seem weird and gets interpreted the wrong way. (I'll give you and example of real life. We once had this student exchange program with a group in France. So we went to France and proceeded to talk to people and make friends as we always do. A lot of my male friends got asked if they were gay by dudes while girls thought they were making advances on them. To me specifically, we were hanging out and I was just socializing like always and at one point a dude I was talking to tried to kiss me. He just shoved himself on me. When I pushed him away he was very confused and when I demanded to know why he did that his answer was: "I thought that's what you wanted? You've been touching me and flirting with me the whole day. I thought that's what you were after." And I wasn't the only one that had to deal with something like that.) 

So I think I can say with confidence that we Latinos are much more touchy than other cultures and it gets misinterpreted a lot. 

(Also some people might go. "But what about Machismo and Masculinity and 'no homo' that is also stereotypically Latino?" Well I have to point out that when dudes are mature and don't act like 12 year olds, physical closeness is very much a thing without any problem or reservations, especially between close friends. It's not like they're going to do it with some random dude they met on the street.)

As for that gesture specifically? Arm over shoulders and hand on top of hand. There's nothing weird about that between close friends. My friends have done variations of that pose before. (Another real life example of close physical affection. A couple days ago we were hanging out and me and my two male best friends, let's call them J and D, we were doing a cuddle pile with some other people in a bed. It was a big bed but we were a group so we had to squish together a bit. J was holding D around the shoulder against his side while D's head rested on his chest. Meanwhile I was sprawled across both their laps with my head resting on a girl's chest. Was it weird or strange? No, no one paid any attention to it.) 

Also look at Rodrigo's pictures with his friends. There's lots of them where he's very close and physical with other males, no? 

However, as always there's nuances. We are very physical and touchy, yes. And that pose isn't weird and it's completely normal even between male friends, yes. But it all very much depends on intention and social clues. 

What do I mean by that? If a guy was to be touchy and physical with one of his female friends no one would think twice about it. But if he was to make it weird or with unclear intentions, that's when people would start lifting brows. Same goes for any variation of the genders involved. 

So while that pose is completely normal (and I wouldn't bat an eye if it were to happen between say, Andrés and Bogotá) the fact that we know Martín is homosexual does change the views on it. 

We (and most certainly Andrés too) know that he's gay and in love with Andrés, so that does change the light of that interaction a lot. Same with the example I gave before. If a guy was to be physical with a female friend no one would bat an eye. But if that guy was to be in love with the girl and be all touchy with her, people's views on it would be different. Same here, just change the guy in love for Martín and the girl for Andrés🤷‍♀️.

However, still even with all that, that pose still doesn't particularly stand out to me. Normal pose between best friends. But one that does seem weird? And is much more strange than that one and that does make me go 🤨 is this one:

That little face touch while holding each other (especially considering one of them is gay and in love) that is a bit much. 

Again, my previous post about it really not meaning much was in relation to the Champagne scene. What bothered me about it is that people were going: 'Andrés is in love with Martín. No straight dude would do that or touch him like that'. And that's what bothered me, because no. Straight dudes do touch and act like that. And saying that physical closeness of that kind has romantic motives because 'no straight would do that' just perpetuates that idea that males can't be close or sentimental with each other. And that really bothers me. 

But to sum it all up, if Champagne scene or the hug/hand holding were to happen between any two given dudes of the show it wouldn't seem strange or out of place. However, the fact that it is Andrés and Martín (and what we know about them) does give it a different light, that does give it some different connotations. (And the face touching is a bit much, that did make me lift an eyebrow).

So I still read that whole scene as Berlermo even if the physical touches aren't necessarily (or more accurately not just by themselves alone) what make me read it like that.

Hope this was helpful and that I answered your question (and sorry for the long ass answer) and if not feel free to ask whatever you want. I'm always happy to interact with people😊♥️😘.

[alfredo-kesmann]

WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT IS THIS????? I was 1000% sure that my vision was betraying me (fatigue, lack of sleep, maybe even new prescription glasses needed, I don’t even know anymore) especially because I’m not at S1:E2 anymore (seen the total of S5 part 1 today ayyy)

But no?? This is the actual image on the actual Netflix page??? Do any more people have this? Is this just on Dutch Netflix (all of my family’s accounts had the same image)? I’m SO CONFUSED WHAT HOW HELP

What is this??? Berlermo hell reunion? Did the writers go overboard with all logic and resurrect Andrés in part 2?

Like??? This doesn’t really look like a friendship, this looks more like romance? First of all NO-ONE (well, at least I don’t and I don’t know anyone who does) stands like this with their very much “straight” best friend, whose hand you’re also holding by the way. They are so soft and Martín looks so emotional ahhhh

The sweater Andrés is wearing is from the “apologia for beauty” scene next to the statue of David, the discussing of the plan with Sergio (I believe it was about the vault and getting the state secrets/gold out), and the Guajira Guantanamera scene. But what is Martín wearing? I don’t think we’ve seen that outfit before? Because at first I thought it was just a bordeaux red shirt which he does in fact wear somewhere in that season, but upon closer inspection there seems to be some pattern (?) on the front of the collar of the shirt, so it’s probably another outfit?

Also: the way Andrés leans slightly on Martín, and Martín’s face, he looks so emotional and vaguely protective I’m soft🥺

Excuse me while I’ll go and cry

[dormarunt]

do u think berlin and palermo know each other already in the spinoff timeline?

Oof nonnie, I don't think even Pina knows how to answer that! 

Let's see what the official LCdP timeline says, hmmmm

I like to think that yes, they do know each. I remember making a post about the Berlermo timeline a while back (one that I can't find because Tumblr's search function is trash), but I remember coming to the conclusion that they met around 2004, when Andrés' police rep sheet starts.

I know that's a futile exercise because Pina plays fast and loose with the timeline, and at the launch party for Berlin last year, Pedro answered fan questions and when asked about "when" the spinoff would take place, he answered along the lines of "it takes place in a nebulous time/time outside time/doesn't matter".

So "official" answer - we don't know and I don't think we're even supposed to think about it.

My personal answer -

Based on some iPod shuffle that Keila wears in one scene we know the series takes place after 2010-2012, there's a scene (when Berlin goes into that bar to watch Camille play) where a cover of Demons by Imagine Dragons plays, and that was out in 2013.

If we are to believe Nairobi didn't pull the ten years number (for Martin being in love with Andres) out of her fine ass thin air, seeing how Berlin died in 2016-- the show could very well take place AFTER the chapel scene? Which makes no sense, because the chapel was where he married wife no 5.

Anyway, I gave it too much thought - yes, I like to think they know each other at that point, and Martin could very well be doing his own heist someplace else or is too busy sampling public saunas across Europe.

OR maybe they don't know each other yet, timelines are for suckers and season 2 gives us a Berlermo meet-cute in the Buenos Aires cafe (Martin pickpockets Andres and is intrigued when he figures out that none of the IDs or credit cards in his wallet have the same name)

[blorbosexterminator]

My non-active WIPs have been dry lately and my active ones most snippets from would be too spoiler-y but I finally decided on those two! (One is NSFW and from Children to make up for their saddening loss in the Blockbuster haha)

Happy Berlermo Day!

"What I want?" Andrés had quipped back. Sergio prepared himself for another speech of his, of glorious ends and adventures to come, beauty and fire and freedom.

The same old mantra Sergio knew by heart. And which he was sick to his stomach of, the delusions and the lies. He wanted to stop him before he started, but what came instead was a solemn sincerity Sergio was disarmed to receive from his brother.

"I want to die in his arms."

He wanted no part in this game of theirs. "You can go back to him-"

Wish for honesty and pay the price. Sergio looked away. Maybe a time in the past, Sergio would have done all there is possible to do to get this confession out of his brother. Now, he wanted nothing to do with it.

Andrés smiled. "I won't."

Then why tell me this, he wanted to shout, to scream. Andrés wouldn't have answered. And Sergio had preferred focusing on the guilt plays and the games they inherited from their childhood, on any hidden malice or ulterior motives. On anything other than the truth his brother was admitting to him, the truth he knew and ignored.

***

[NSFW]

"Either you pick up the pace or I'll flip you," Martin hisses.

"I'm telling a story, don't be rude."

"Multitask, Andrés, Multitask!"

Andrés sighs, then starts adding more rolls to the movement of his hips. "And then-then the officer starts talking to me, which, mind you, is trouble because I had already given the signal to Marco, but he won't stop. Somehow-"

"Did he-god, yes, just like that- did he have a crush on you or something of the sort?"

"Didn't cross my mind at the moment, ludicrously enough, of course. I thought he was onto something, until—" contained laughter starts coloring his voice "—he starts talking about coffee. Just all types of coffee-"

Martin flips them, and underneath him, Andrés arches his neck, waves of laughter intoxicating his moans.

"I warned you."

He tuts. "So impatient."

"What did Marcus do?" Martin manages between thrusts.

"The poor guy-oh- obviously had no idea the officer would still be in at this moment. So, in a rush of pure heroism, of course, I grab the officer's face and just start kissing him, with my palms placed strategically to cover his eyes."

"Strategically," Martin repeats, as he laughs. "I can't believe you. Cheater!"

"It was disgusting, you can't imagine, Martin. Nothing ever tasted more cop-y than this cop. Cheap cigarettes, bad coffee. I'd have never gone to coffee with him after this."

Martin stops abruptly, barely containing a grin. "I beg your pardon? What if he'd tasted like fucking-

Andrés rolls them over, straddling him once again. "You stopped. Fair is fair."

"You just told me-"

A knock cuts them off. A rather insistent one that he dreads more than anything.

"What do you want?" He shouts at the door.

"Can I come in?" Elena shouts back.

"NO!" They both scream in union.

"It's an emergency."

"Speak where you are."

"One of the monks just collapsed. I think he had a heart attack. Come out!"

"What?" "Who?"

"Alexander."

"The others will deal with it," Martin hisses, "we're busy."

"Can't you come drive him to the hospital? What if he dies, Martin!"

He groans loudly enough to make her realize just exactly how much of a bother she is. Then repeats just in case she hasn't heard him. Andrés is laughing, already getting up, thinking he's some sort of responsible parent.

"Let me finish first!" He half whispers, half hisses.

Andrés grins, shaking his head. "Help yourself, maybe next time you'll appreciate my stories more."

Martín slumps back into the bed. "Not my fault that we don't have enough time to both speak and fuck. Hm."

"Are you coming out?!!" Elena shouts, with another series of knocks.

Martín screams at her to shut up, then turns to Andrés with a raised eyebrow see?

[roccinan]

2022 Fic Review

(Tagged by @natures-marvel thanks for tagging!)

End of the Year Fic Review 2022

1. What is your AO3 account?

Rocinan

2. How many words did you write total in 2022?

131,168

3. How many fics did you publish in 2022? How many multichapters vs oneshots?

6 fics total (1 of which was an art piece)

1 oneshot and 3 multichaptered (2 still unfinished)

4. What was your longest fic? Your shortest fic?

Longest : Birdcage at 45,596 words

Shortest : Café for Your Trouble with 0 words LOL, or  Over the Hills and Far Away at 1279 words

5. What was your most popular fic? Your least popular fic?

Most popular:  Grand Hotel, A Tale of Love and Intrigue

Least popular:  Over the Hills and Far Away

6. What fic didn’t perform as well as you thought it would?

Hmm. They all sort of performed how I expected, as in I was pleasantly surprised to get more than 10 kudos for anything XD Maybe chapter 2 of The Contract? Not sure if people like it less than ch. 1. But in terms of the fics themselves, Over the Hills and Far Away already received more hits than I ever imagined lol but I guess I thought it’d earn at least 10 kudos. 

7. What fic performed way better than you thought it would?

Grand Hotel, hands down. 

8. What was your favorite fic you wrote from 2022?

This is a hard one, but probably Birdcage! Because I actually managed to finish it in 2022 asdfasdf Also it gave me the chance to write some extreme Andres whump, so there’s that!

9. What was your favourite fic that somebody else wrote in 2022?

I can’t settle for any one fic, so here’s some that I personally enjoyed the most and had the time to read in 2022! Most of them lean dark, so with the exception of “Upon paper wings” and “The way to a man’s heart,” do mind the warnings and tags!

Did I ever leave the lights on (could you ever find your way back home?) by @nharidy A crack concept (berlermo switch souls out of the blue) on the surface, but a story that’s so much more than that. Legit one of the most selfless, genuine depictions of Martin’s love (and that shred of nobility under all the asshole in his blood) I’ve ever read, and I still get emotional thinking about this story.

something borrowed, something -- by anonymous; I swear I’m not biased but I must say, I was insanely lucky to have such a talented writer take a post of a scenario I made and publish a full story based on it. Like WHEN will that ever happen again?? It’s like I threw a coin down a wishing well and it happened! This is a fantastically written (but Very dark!) character study, and even though there’s no upfront gore or violence, the story pulls no punches with the premise: injured, amnesiac Andres thinks Gandia is Martin and suffers all sorts of sexual, domestic, and psychological abuse as a result. 

Those Violent Delights by @aceraphaelsantiagos Ongoing but well worth the wait! It’s an ongoing berlermo thriller told out of chronological order and watching the puzzle unfold is like climbing deeper into the spider web. AU but amazing characterization, and with my favorite dynamic: Dom/Dom!

{ Upon paper wings. } by @moneyheist-fam Their first berlermo fic! And a truly wonderful one at that. One of the rare completed AUgust fics LOL. There’s a warm fairy tale like quality to this, and it’s just a very sweet and beautifully written tale about soulmates.

A Lamb for Our Love  by @the--sound--of--rain Ongoing, but definitely a story that stuck with me since the first time I read it! Another “Gandia abducts Andres and-” story, but the fic is about what happens after Andres comes back to Martin. A rocky, angsty piece with heartbreaking characterization and a look at what would happen if these two made the worst possible choices thinking that’s what’s best. The first chapter is definitely worth the read, and I’m sure the second will be equally good, if not better!

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach by @alfredo-kesmann Why yes, this is my gift haha, but alfredo-kesmann went above and beyond a very simple prompt and gave us a story that’s insanely funny and endearing all at the same time. Truly one of my favorite fics of 2022 and I rec it to everyone, especially everyone whoever thought “hmm what if Andres being a good cook is just headcanon and he really sucks at it?? would Martin lie and pretend he’s good?” Answer: yes Martin would

Vinum Stygis by @signorin-anarchia Another ongoing fic! But very underrated and promising. A period gothic romance with all the creepy and dark elements you’d want from the genre. It’s a creative spin on Crimson Peak that somehow manages to make the premise work for berlermo, and definitely deserves more attention. Wonderful atmosphere and toxic assholes all around~

Last but not least, The Fatal Drive by NaturesMarvel! Kal’s longest fic yet, and my favorite 2022 hit from her. It’s filled with lots of twists and turns (and a plot that’s blockbuster material for sure!), including a few that actually fooled me haha Also features badass Martin, a satisfying amount of hurt!Andres (thank you for your service Kal), and cameos from just about everyone. This is an AU where everything starts with Andres receiving a pen drive (saying anything else would be a spoiler!)

[pedroalonso]

thoughts on the current bottom!berlin trend sweeping the fandom?

love bottom!berlin. i do. boomslap wrote the first and superior one in curiosidad, and honestly, not only was it such a ride, it’s also ridiculously well written carefully thought of. i can tell that she took care in making sure it was as in character as possible and it’s so believable that it can almost be a scene in the actual show. like that’s how good it is. i always joked to her that it’s almost like a character study of andrés himself and his journey through discovering his sexuality. give it a read if you haven’t already. i promise you won’t regret it.

with that said, bottom!berlin is such a slippery slope because, well, i can see why people would want to read more of it. the berlermo tag is usually so saturated with bottom!martín that it’s valid how people would eventually crave for some variety. and that’s valid, you know. it’s normal.

i just wish andrés’s character wasn’t butchered in the process.

LISTEN. i understand that a majority of the berlermo fandom identify and adore martín more than they do andrés, and i’m probably one of the few people who relates more to the fancy evil bastard. that’s why when he’s written in a way that’s so…. not him, i genuinely can’t bring myself to read any further. and i find it usually happens with certain people’s interpretations, especially when it’s bottom!berlin, because they focus more on writing martín than they do andrés.

i’m not saying people shouldn’t write bottom!andrés. you can. knock yourself out. i just noticed how people’s interpretations of the characters and their dynamics have been skewed so much that i think people actually confuse it with the dynamic in canon.

when it isn’t.

andrés is a sexist, offensive bastard with a messed up view of the world. even if you, the very rational viewer of the show, believes that “bottoming is not equal to being submissive” — which is true — andrés de fonollosa DOESN’T. because you’re forgetting, he’s not as socially aware as you. he’s a misogynist. he’s literally a 40 something year old man who struggles with his sexuality. in your mind, there’s nothing wrong with him bottoming. in his mind? it’s probably really fucking offensive and he will believe in that harmful stereotype until he dies. this man can’t even be in a relationship with martín even though he admits to loving him more than anyone, and people actually think he’s gonna bottom the first time he has gay sex???? ok sure. believable. lmao.

and don’t even get me started about how andrés is like… so picky about how others perceive him. he constantly wants to be the one in power, the one in a dominant position. some dude laughed at him for wearing a BOWTIE, and he felt so emasculated by that that he had to go to the bathroom and stab the man in his balls to assert power. and again, his mind is so wired to a backwards, very misogynistic view of sex that he’ll probably feel emasculated being the one to bottom. to “taking” it. like a girl. because he’s delightful like that.

and all arguments aside about andrés, it’s also sometimes a miscarriage of martín’s own characterization. rodrigo de la serna himself described palermo as “more pathetic” than berlin, and he absolutely translates that in his acting. in the kiss scene, martín initiates the kiss — but then he also lets himself get shoved against the wall and… you know. lets andrés kiss him while he kisses back desperately, with tears in his eyes. he never, not once, ever spoke back to andrés, and the one time he did “i offered to melt gold together” — andrés doesn’t let him continue speaking (another time he asserts dominance, mind you). he raises his voice and tells martín that he’s “hooked on something that doesn’t exist” and martín doesn’t say anything after that. he shuts up. he lets andrés leave him without protest because — while he can be just as domineering when he’s with other people, when it comes to andrés— he clearly gives up the reigns of power to him. andrés decides, martín follows. he the LOVER, andrés the BELOVED. like… this man kept his love all to himself for ten years without saying a word. he asks for nothing in return. so the idea that he’d take (pleasure) from andrés without any regards to andrés himself… well. that doesn’t really sound like him. besides, martín is only more aggressive and dominant POST andrés. to helsinki, to other members of the gang. but i have never, not once, seen him act the same way with andrés. he’s always so careful and smitten with him, to the point of worship.

again, andrés and martín WOULD associate topping and bottoming as dom/sub because… they’re 40 year old misogynistic men. thank you.

anyway, i went off. lmao. i know like it’s fiction, you can write whatever you want. it doesn’t have to make sense. yaddi yaddi yadda. let people enjoy stuff. i know.

i just feel like the discourse in fandom has gotten to a point where these things are… overlooked? forgotten? and it’s a shame too because those things are what makes berlermo interesting in the first place. the pretty, slim, sickly man who likes luxury and art is the one who tops, and the more muscular, rough, macho man is the one who’s a whimpering mess. that’s subversive as fuck. that’s delicious. that’s why bottom!martín dominates the tag because that’s the dynamic already given to us. and it’s amazing as fuck.

again, not saying people can’t write self-indulgent fics. you can. you are encouraged to do so. and it doesn’t have to make sense.

but yall asked for my thoughts so there you go!!! sksks bottom!berlin?? yes. aleks loves, but only if it makes sense. lmao.

EDIT: shotgun did indeed write a very delicious and also very superior bottom!berlin fic, here. please give it a read as well. (how dare i forget such an iconic moment, i’m a bad friend. but also sleep deprived af)

[hefellfordean]

everybody wants you

the tatiana rafael andrés scene from part 5 ep 1 but make it berlermo cause we got nothing in the show

read it on ao3

Copenhagen isn’t as bad as Martín expected. It’s sunny most of the time and it doesn’t smell like fish like he’d been led to believe. Andrés has been unusually insufferable though, dragging him from one shop to the next, buying pointlessly expensive things and generally being a nuisance.

“Andrés, I’m going to kill you if we go into one more shop without you buying me a drink first.”

Andrés rolls his eyes but guides Martín to an undoubtedly overpriced restaurant. “You wouldn’t really kill me, would you, mi amor?” he asks when they’re seated.

Martín shrugs and pretends to be thinking it over. “Probably not. Pull another stunt like you did at the monastery though and I might consider it.”

Andrés sighs and waves a waiter over. “Two glasses of the house red please,” he says, then turns his attention back to Martín. “I thought you forgave me for that when you married me? What more do you want me to do? I can hardly marry you again, cariño.”

“You could try,” Martín says, then narrows his eyes, when Andrés shifts. “What’s wrong? Why are you sweating like a whore in church?”

“I’m not, I’m completely fine.”

“Liar.”

“Martín.”

“Andrés… tell me. Now.”

Martín stares him down until finally he smiles, the curve of it tinged with something that’s not quite guilt. “I’ve invited my son to Copenhagen.”

“Your son,” Martín repeats.

“Yes, Rafael.”

“The one you blame for ruining your relationship with your second wife?”

“First wife,” Andrés corrects. “But yes.”

Martín sips the wine they’ve been brought. “Why?”

Andrés shrugs and grins widely. “Isn’t it time I taught him all the things a father should teach a son?”

“Like how to pull off the perfect heist?”

“Exactly.” Andrés reaches out, gently grasping Martín’s chin and pulling him into a kiss.

“Interesting,” Martín says, the taste of Andrés and red wine lingering on his lips. “So I finally get to meet him?”

Andrés nods, picking up his menu. “Of course. Though… Maybe it’s best I speak to him alone first. He’s arriving tomorrow, why don’t you meet us in a restaurant?”

Martín frowns. “Why?”

“Because he has had a poor reaction to meeting my wives in the past.”

“I’m not one of your wives,” Martín snaps, but Andrés just smiles crookedly.

“I know. Drink up so we can go home and I can prove it to you.”

Martín rolls his eyes as Andrés laughs. “Wine and dine me first, then tomorrow I’ll meet your spawn.”

“And tonight?”

“Well, this is a honeymoon, isn’t it?”

-

Martín had seen a photo of Rafael once. It was buried deep in a box of Andrés’ papers and the little boy in that picture looked nothing like the twitchy young man sitting in the restaurant. He’s talking to Andrés and when Martín strides towards him in an outfit Andrés had insisted on buying him when they were in Paris a few months ago, he looks nothing but annoyed.

“You brought your heist partner to our family lunch?” Rafael asks.

“Husband,” Andrés states, smiling up at Martín who continues to watch whom he supposes must be his stepson. “This is a family honeymoon.”

Martín wrinkles his nose and Rafael blinks at him, looking dumbstruck in a way Andrés never does – it does make him look a lot like Sergio though. Martín grins when Andrés leans forward to kiss him and Rafael looks away awkwardly. Very much like Sergio then.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” Rafael announces, hurrying away.

Martín raises his eyebrows. “Is he okay?”

Andrés kisses him again, then nods when he pulls away. “He’s slightly annoyed. He didn’t know you were coming.”

“You’re an idiot,” Martín says, leaning into the hand Andrés presses to his waist. “Did you at least tell him that he’s here for a heist?”

“Oh, cariño, the really important things in life are always unexpected. Case and point,” Andrés gestures at Martín and the ring on his finger.

Martín snorts. “This wasn’t unexpected to anyone but you, mi amor. I’m still not entirely sure we need him though. I’m an engineer too.”

Andrés kisses him again, placatingly, before ushering him into a seat. “I know. But this is cyber security and slightly outside of your skillset. Besides, I paid all that money for him to go to MIT, it’s time for him to pay me back.”

Rafael returns eventually and lunch thankfully doesn’t continue as awkwardly as it began. Martín and Rafael have a love of engineering in common and the boy is smart as a whip.

“Why didn’t you tell me your son was so interesting?” Martín teases. “Finally someone who understands me when I talk equations.”

“That’s what Sergio is for,” Andrés says blandly as Rafael colours bashfully.

“I’m going to the bathroom, order me more wine,” Martín requests and Andrés nods.

“Of course, mi amor.”

-

Andrés watches Martín walk away, hips moving sinfully through the busy restaurant, before he rounds on his son.

“Are you making eyes at my husband?”

Rafael stammers. “Seriously, papa?”

Andrés scowls. “You’ve been making passes at him all afternoon.”

“I’m just being polite,” the boy insists.

“You’re flirting!”

Rafael tries to recover the situation. “Maybe you misinterpreted something I did or –“

Andrés cuts him off. “Look me in the eyes,” he demands. “Do you find him attractive?”

Rafael twitches nervously, tripping over himself to form a sentence that doesn’t sound incriminating. It’s proof enough, really. “That’s irrelevant.”

“Yes or no, Rafael?”

“Well, I think he’s… pretty – or handsome. Handsome.”

Andrés leans forward and a part of him wonders whether he should be enjoying the way the jealousy floods him this much, whether he should be playing this game with his own son.

“Would you make love to my husband? Would you fuck him?”

Rafael looks away, too embarrassed by even the suggestion of sex. “I suppose… if the situation were different. If you didn’t have a formal relationship with him…”

“Marriage,” Andrés corrects.

“Yes,” Rafael says. “Marriage.”

Andrés leans back again, allowing a smile to play across his face. Watches how unsure Rafael is of the situation and how to react. “It’s flattering… that young man like you wants to butter my husband’s bun. I didn’t even know you were interested in that sort of thing.”

“I didn’t know you were,” Rafael mumbles and Andrés almost laughs at the gall. Almost.

He grins wider, to throw him off. “Not always. Just with him. He is… exceptional.” Rafael nods, agreeing a little too sincerely and the smile disappears from Andrés’ face. “It’s flattering, but I won’t tolerate it, Rafael. He is mine. Understood?”

Rafael nods, looking down at the table and Andrés decides to return to the issue at hand. The heist.

-

There’s a strange energy at the table when Martín returns, but it seems Rafael has agreed to the heist. They continue to discuss the plan, but Martín notices the looks Rafael is throwing him and the ones Andrés is giving his son in return.

When they finally leave the restaurant, bidding Rafael farewell and inviting him to their suite for breakfast, Martín wastes no time in cornering Andrés. He pushes him into the gap between two boutiques, smirking when Andrés’ hands immediately settle on his hips.

“What is going on with you and your son?” Andrés opens his mouth to lie and Martín cuts him off. “Don’t say nothing. What happened while I was gone?”

Andrés shakes his head, curling his fingers more tightly into Martín’s jacket. “Nothing you need to worry about. I just imparted some fatherly wisdom.”

“Which was what, exactly?” Martín asks, pressing a kiss to Andrés’ jaw when he hesitates. “Tell me.”

“I was just reminding him that while I am a thief and he would do well as one too, I won’t allow him to covet what is mine.”

“Covet,” Martín repeats teasingly. “Biblical.”

“Hmm, it is rather.”

Martín laughs, stretching just a little to brush his mouth along Andrés’ cheek. “Mi amor, you’re a fool if you think I’m at all interested in a knock-off when I’ve got the original right here.”

Andrés smiles the way he does when his ego is being inflated and Martín kisses him again.

“Besides,” he says when they part. “He’s too much like Sergio.”