#Car Quest

[stareyedesper]

"Ligma jokes aaaare almost always bad. It's kind of an art form in my opinion. There are a lot of ligma jokes people do where they 'get' someone, but that's not getting someone. Getting someone is: Having a conversation with Mark about Good Time Dragon for three hours and pretending it's a videogame until someone bites, and asks 'what's Good Time Dragon?'. That is a FUCKING awesome joke. Yo- you- you can't BELIEVE- If that happens to you- like- 'ALL i did was try and be interested in what my friends were talking about and i got- i got BUTTFUCKED for it.' That is the only good- like- like- people will- people will [indecipherable] easy wins, but there is no good win unless you fucking earn it. [...] I had a ligma joke in the works. It was extremely meta. I didn't wanna tell you guys because [pause] Vesting Barbecue was my [pause] he was basically The Victim. I've been working on it for a really long time, but i give up now. I can see that Vesting Barbecue has been gotten by me so many times [pause] that i'll PROBABLY never get him again. He doesn't engage anymore. It's like- it's like practicing a really good game. And you learn everything NOT to do as you gain more and more experience. that's what makes you a pro. I have turned Vesting into a pro. He will never be tricked AGAIN, unless you have a loooooot of context where like [pause] You're a new frieeend, you're nothing but nice to them like, that's- that's the only way you get 'em. Like, the days of me getting Vesting with ligma joke are long fucking gone. There's nothing i can do, it'll never happen again. But i WILL explain to you the joke concept because it's FUCKING [pause] genius. And you guys are gonna hear it and be like 'HOLY SHIT i can't believe no one's ever thought of this'. You have to be in a voice call with multiple people, someone has to say something [pause] that is unusual word, you have to pretend laugh you have to go 'AHAHAHA', and then you have to be like 'Vesting you ever hear that ligma joke?', and he's supposed to go 'Which one?'. He says 'Which one?', you're fucking IN. Because your answer is 'LIGMA BALLS!'. And you bring it all the way back to the very basic form [pause] of ligma. But- it's so meta, it's so fucking great. I wa- i- i've been trying to get Vesting with it for like, a month. I have been able to get, like, FIVE other people. FIVE OTHER PEOPLE in the span of me trying to get Vesting, have asked me 'Which one?', and i DIDN'T TAKE IT, because they were not the intended target. THAT is how you have a good ligma joke. THAT is how you actually are satisfied with the result of the fucking words you say. There's nothing funny about [pause] getting someone with a Joe Mama. That's not funny. There's nothing good- there's no poise. You gotta earn it if you wanna feel good about 'em, in my opinion." -Simpleflips on ligma jokes

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

[animeglitch]

[obsob]

lady amber my beloved

[saltlog]

[probablybadrpgideas]

Are the PCs saying they look both ways when they cross the road? No?

Time to have them be hit with a car to teach them road safety!

[aniseandspearmint]

Urban fantasy idea;

There's been a rash of disappearances in poor neighborhoods in a few large cities.

Large Urban Mimics have adapted and started mimicking cars with the window down, or keys in the ignition, and the local car thief populations are getting hit HARD.

I'm just picturing a couple of guys eyeing up a shiny yellow Kia parked on some old broken down residential alike;

"Nah man, think about it. Why would THIS car be here? It's WAY too nice! And it's a bright color. You know what the news reports said."

"Yeah, yeah, I hear you. Don't wanna end up like Stevie. Or Eddie. Or Amy. Or–"

"yeah, you don't gotta go down the whole list. Let's go."

They leave and the car sits there for a few more minutes and the whole thing makes a kind of juddery motion, and the whole thing slinks off into the empty street, not quite moving right, less like a thing with wheels and more like a thing with lots and lots of little legs.

[tolkiens]

JUSTICE ⊹ posters FIRE

[ghostoffuturespast]

Shape of a Pony

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

Which cars are most bisexual?

Ever get the chilling feeling that you made a grave mistake long ago and you are about to reap what you sowed?

In short, I hit some of my friends up to ask for help. In random alphabetical order:

@jettacar suggested the fourth gen Nissan Quest:

"It's like, no one really bought these. They aren't particularly common. But also, there's no one type of person that buys a car like this. Rationality would have you believe only families are buying this, because it's a giant minivan - but i can't immediately think of another car with a wider variety of types of people that own them right now (excluding cars that just sell incredibly well)"

Unfortunately, that made the conversation derail into minivan talk.

Up next, @rabidragon suggested the Fiat Multipla, due to its peculiar seating arrangement of two rows of three seats:

"3 seats in the front for you and your man and your woman".

Indeed, the peculiar thing about the Multipla is its row of three full-sized seats in front (many old cars had a front bench with some having three lap belts, but the Three Individual Front Seats club is as exclusive as it is devoid of prestige) and the many peculiarities that it caused, like off-center pretty much everything (mirror included) because the driver is further to the side than usual and where most of the centered things go there's now a passenger who would like to be.

But the even more peculiar thing about the Multipla is how spectacularly ugly it is. It's one of the few cars I've ever actually seen that manages to be full-on ugly not just outside but inside. Click on any list of ugliest cars in the world and if it doesn't contain the Multipla I can promise you that list was created by a machine that has since been physically shot. And if you're thinking "Well, it's not bad enough to warrant that hyperbole" - you are looking at the second generation. This is the pretty one. I put the first one and its interior at the end of the post under a read more because I genuinely did not want to be responsible for you seeing it.

I noted that Honda's FR-V managed the same seating layout with downright smart looks inside and out...

...and unfortunately that made the conversation derail into engine swap regulation loopholes.

Finally, @chevyventure suggested multiple. In (roughly) his words:

First generation Mazda 3 "It's a hatchback, good for many different uses - and Mazda is a little silly, charming and off the beaten path (if you were getting a Japanese hatchback you'd probably get a Toyota or a Honda) with a cute lil' smile like a Miata"

1988 Volvo 240 Wagon "Volvos are frequent hand me downs from family like all the cool childhood trauma the LGBTQs get"

[Editor's Note: bro.]

Renault Clio "It's peak hotness while also being cute in its own way, not necessarily preferring a masculine or feminine audience. I've never seen an ad for a Clio before, but if my assumptions about the car market are correct my guess is the normal one is kinda marketed towards women"

[Editor's note: So, I wanted to check that, so I just looked up "Renault Clio ad". These were the first two ads I found.

So yeah. I feel it qualifies.]

Unfortunately, talking about the Clio made the conversation derail into TWR's involvement in- oh wait, you're not gonna know about that Clio variant, are you.

So, many racing series can only be entered with racecars based on some production car - which is great for manufacturers, because they get to advertise their brand and one of their models simultaneously! But since there are rules on how much of the base car can be changed and how much of it must be retained, the stricter they are the more what you want as a base for your racecar is something high performance. So when you want to go racing with a dinky little thing like, say, first car to ever use plastic bumpers and only car to ever be called Renault Le Car in America Renault 5...

...what you are going to want to do is what, among many others, Toyota did with the Yaris GR and Lancia did with the Delta: the homologation special. Basically, you make a special version of the car with the characteristics you'd want in racing, sell enough to clear the rules's bar for "production car" (or at least, convince the officials you've done that), and go racing with that. So Renault did that to the 5 and hit up one Marcello Gandini to redesign it around the changes. You know, Marcello Gandini, guy most famous for designing mid-engined Ferrari-slayers:

Which makes sense, because the Renault 5 Turbo was a mid-engined Ferrari slayer. It was faster than the top-of-the-line Ferrari both in acceleration and in cornering speed. This thing.

(sidenote: The Interior. end of sidenote)

Well, twenty years on, some legend at Renault thought "You know what? We were onto something with that. Let's do that again but HARDER." Presumably, into the headquarters of Tom Walkinshaw Racing, a racing team that developed for Aston Martin, F1 teams, and made Jaguar's Fastest Production Car Ever record holder, and of course a fuckton of the most exciting racecars around, showed up uninvited that Renault madman saying "Y'all wanna work on something REAL prestigious?" before chucking them the keys to a second generation Clio and walking off with a "Don't thank me".

The result was the Clio V6, most notable for HAVING A FUCKING V6 WHERE THE BACKSEATS WERE. This car is genuinely incredible. Like, you see it and you go "Ooh ahh, the Clio V6!" and you look inside to see, you know, the huge V6 compartment thing and you see the interior and you realize this thing cost good sportscar money and when you got in it was a fucking Clio.

Mental stuff- wait shit this post was about bisexual cars wasn't it? How did the conversation derail like this? I swear this never happens. Well, I guess it's time for my pick.

Personally, chatting with Mr. Venture about hatchbacks, I realized that I cannot think of a more "girls car" than a Fiat 500 Cabriolet (which actually is called 500C) and cannot think of a more "boys car" than a Fiat 500 Abarth (which actually is called Abarth 500)...

...so how about the Fiat 500 Cabriolet Abarth?

It actually isn't called that but I think you could piece that together. As though a spoiler on a canvas roof wasn't weird enough, it contains the third brake light, probably making this the only car out there in which it can change position during use. Although I assure you, you're not gonna be thinking about that when driving it. Thing's a RIOT.

But honestly, that wasn't what I started off wanting to answer. So, last but most definitely not least, I candidate my first, gut-reaction answer: the NA Mazda Miata.

See, to me bisexuality (and pansexuality, but awareness of the nuances between them is so low they may as well be picked over flag preference) is someone appreciating all the beauty in the world, seeing no point in gatekeeping themselves out of half of it. And is that not what a spider is about? Is it not about saying "this world we're in is so full of beauty, who would rather blind themselves to half of it?". And look at the damn thing. It's bursting with exactly the kind of joie de vivre one would associate with such sentiment. It oozes enthusiastic curiosity. OwO what's this?: The Car.

Also, just look at this picture.

It can drift. IT CAN WINK. IT CAN WINK MID-DRIFT. I mean, what more than this degree of flirtatious playfulness can you possibly need to be convinced?

Links in blue are posts of mine explaining the words in question - if you liked this post, you might like those!

...

...are they gone? I think they're gone.

The Multipla pictures are down here. Go on then if you're gonna, you sick fuck.

If you have dealt with traumatic tumor-related experiences and seeing that dashboard caused you genuine discomfort, well, do not say I didn't warn you.

[leona-florianova]

Its so funny that even if you leave some of your companions around the parked Highwayman on Virgin Street in New Reno, the car still gets stolen.. Like what happened there, pals, chums, my beloved friends? You had one task. Guard the car.. And its gone..

No matter that its most likely just game mechanics thing..I still like to imagine the plethora of possible ways it went down.

Like Lenny couldnt guard shit.. hes just a little guy..Little radioactive guy.. He couldnt intimidate anyone..

Sulik might not have given a shit, he would be communing with ghosts or something n then hed notice the car is being stolen n hed just go "OOoop there goes the car"..And wave..

Marcus might have been distracted by kids throwing rocks at him.. While Vic was trying to trade radio parts.

Myron would have been locked in the trunk so that doesnt count like guarding the car anyway..

etc etc

N I think even together they wouldnt stand a chance against New Reno car thieves...

[money-and-dandellions]

so um a headcanon of Lester singing ballads and ballad-like songs (like, eight minutes long) at camp half-blood campfire or while he and Meg were driving through the States.

[fluffyglass]

Wiggle is the one who picks them up for dates now

[brainyrot]

What u do when he pulls out his gang

[wanderingaldecaldo]

I'm doing it. I'm meeting Hanako at Embers.

[laikahh]

so ajaw being able to take over kinichs body after kinich dies is like a chekhovs gun situation right