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printpallondonsblog · 25 days

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The Ultimate Guide to Brochure Printing Services

Why Brochures Still Matter in the Digital Age

In a world dominated by digital marketing, you might wonder if brochure printing services still hold any value. The answer is a resounding yes! Brochures are tangible, versatile, and can leave a lasting impression on potential customers. They offer a personal touch that digital media often lacks.

The Power of a Well-Designed Brochure

A well-designed brochure can be a powerful marketing tool. It can effectively communicate your brand’s message, showcase your products or services, and drive customer engagement. Think of it as a mini billboard that fits in your hand.

Types of Brochures

Bi-Fold Brochures

Bi-fold brochures are simple yet effective. They consist of a single sheet folded in half, creating four panels. This type is perfect for straightforward presentations and easy-to-read layouts.

Tri-Fold Brochures

Tri-fold brochures are the most popular choice. They offer six panels of content, providing ample space for detailed information. The tri-fold design is compact and easy to distribute.

Z-Fold Brochures

Z-fold brochures are unique and eye-catching. They fold in a zigzag pattern, creating a dynamic presentation. This type is great for storytelling and step-by-step guides.

Gate Fold Brochures

Gate fold brochures open like gates, revealing a large central panel. They are ideal for high-impact visuals and special announcements.

Key Elements of Effective Brochure Design

Eye-Catching Cover

Your brochure’s cover is the first thing people see, so make it count. Use bold colors, striking images, and a compelling headline to grab attention.

Clear and Concise Content

Keep your content clear and to the point. Avoid jargon and focus on the benefits your products or services offer. Use bullet points and short paragraphs to enhance readability.

High-Quality Images

High-quality images can make or break your brochure. Invest in professional photography or high-resolution stock images to ensure your visuals are sharp and appealing.

Strong Call to Action

Every brochure should have a strong call to action. Whether it’s visiting your website, calling your office, or making a purchase, make sure your readers know what to do next.

Choosing the Right Brochure Printing Service

Quality of Printing

Quality is paramount when it comes to brochure printing. Look for a service that offers high-resolution printing and a variety of paper options to ensure your brochures look professional.

Customization Options

Customization is key to making your brochures stand out. Choose a printing service that offers a range of customization options, from paper types to finishes and folding styles.

Turnaround Time

Time is often of the essence in marketing campaigns. Ensure your chosen printing service can meet your deadlines without compromising on quality.

Cost-Effectiveness

While quality is important, so is cost. Compare prices and services to find a printing solution that fits your budget without sacrificing quality.

Benefits of Using Professional Brochure Printing Services

Professional Finish

Professional printing services provide a polished finish that DIY printing often can’t match. This can make a significant difference in how your brochures are perceived.

Time-Saving

Outsourcing your brochure printing saves you time and hassle. You can focus on other aspects of your business while the professionals handle the printing.

Access to Expert Design Services

Many printing services offer expert design assistance. This can be invaluable if you’re not confident in your design skills or want to ensure your brochures look their best.

Conclusion

In conclusion, brochures remain a vital marketing tool in the digital age. By choosing the right type of brochure, focusing on key design elements, and selecting a professional printing service, you can create impactful brochures that resonate with your audience.

FAQs

What is the best type of brochure for my business?

The best type of brochure depends on your specific needs. Tri-fold brochures are versatile and popular, while gate fold brochures are great for high-impact visuals.

How long does it take to print brochures?

The turnaround time varies depending on the printing service and the complexity of your order. It’s best to check with your chosen service for specific timelines.

Can I customize my brochure design?

Yes, most professional printing services offer a range of customization options to help you create a unique and effective brochure.

What are the costs involved in brochure printing?

Costs can vary widely based on factors like paper quality, printing quantity, and customization options. Getting a detailed quote from your printing services is important to understand the costs involved.

#Brochure Printing in London #printing business cards #personalised business cards #business card printers #cheap leaflet printing

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digital-arnav2019 · 2 months

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Cheap and Sabse Sasta PVC ID Cards Quality at an Affordable Price

Cheap and Sabse Sasta PVC ID Cards: Quality at an Affordable Price In today’s fast-paced world, identification is crucial for security, access, and management purposes. PVC ID cards have become the standard for organizations across various sectors due to their durability, flexibility, and professional appearance. If you’re looking for cheap and sabse sasta PVC ID cards without compromising on…

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environprint · 5 months

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Business Cards And Flyers | Cheap Business Cards | Folded Card Printing - EnvironPrint

EnvironPrint specializes in affordable printing services, including Cheap Business Cards, tailored for various purposes. Our range includes standard, die-cut, and foldable business cards, ideal for marketing campaigns, weddings, parties, and events of all kinds. With our attention to detail and high-quality printing, you can make a lasting impression without breaking the bank. Whether you're promoting your business or adding a personal touch to your special occasions, EnvironPrint has you covered. Get professional-looking business cards at budget-friendly prices with us.

#Marketing Cards #Cheap Business Cards #Business Cards And Flyers #Custom Made Business Cards #Party Planner Business Cards #Foldable Business Cards #Wedding Business Cards #Event Business Card #Folded Card Printing

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mostlysignssomeportents · 8 months

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How I got scammed

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/05/cyber-dunning-kruger/#swiss-cheese-security

I wuz robbed.

More specifically, I was tricked by a phone-phisher pretending to be from my bank, and he convinced me to hand over my credit-card number, then did $8,000+ worth of fraud with it before I figured out what happened. And then he tried to do it again, a week later!

Here's what happened. Over the Christmas holiday, I traveled to New Orleans. The day we landed, I hit a Chase ATM in the French Quarter for some cash, but the machine declined the transaction. Later in the day, we passed a little credit-union's ATM and I used that one instead (I bank with a one-branch credit union and generally there's no fee to use another CU's ATM).

A couple days later, I got a call from my credit union. It was a weekend, during the holiday, and the guy who called was obviously working for my little CU's after-hours fraud contractor. I'd dealt with these folks before – they service a ton of little credit unions, and generally the call quality isn't great and the staff will often make mistakes like mispronouncing my credit union's name.

That's what happened here – the guy was on a terrible VOIP line and I had to ask him to readjust his mic before I could even understand him. He mispronounced my bank's name and then asked if I'd attempted to spend $1,000 at an Apple Store in NYC that day. No, I said, and groaned inwardly. What a pain in the ass. Obviously, I'd had my ATM card skimmed – either at the Chase ATM (maybe that was why the transaction failed), or at the other credit union's ATM (it had been a very cheap looking system).

I told the guy to block my card and we started going through the tedious business of running through recent transactions, verifying my identity, and so on. It dragged on and on. These were my last hours in New Orleans, and I'd left my family at home and gone out to see some of the pre-Mardi Gras krewe celebrations and get a muffalata, and I could tell that I was going to run out of time before I finished talking to this guy.

"Look," I said, "you've got all my details, you've frozen the card. I gotta go home and meet my family and head to the airport. I'll call you back on the after-hours number once I'm through security, all right?"

He was frustrated, but that was his problem. I hung up, got my sandwich, went to the airport, and we checked in. It was total chaos: an Alaska Air 737 Max had just lost its door-plug in mid-air and every Max in every airline's fleet had been grounded, so the check in was crammed with people trying to rebook. We got through to the gate and I sat down to call the CU's after-hours line. The person on the other end told me that she could only handle lost and stolen cards, not fraud, and given that I'd already frozen the card, I should just drop by the branch on Monday to get a new card.

We flew home, and later the next day, I logged into my account and made a list of all the fraudulent transactions and printed them out, and on Monday morning, I drove to the bank to deal with all the paperwork. The folks at the CU were even more pissed than I was. The fraud that run up to more than $8,000, and if Visa refused to take it out of the merchants where the card had been used, my little credit union would have to eat the loss.

I agreed and commiserated. I also pointed out that their outsource, after-hours fraud center bore some blame here: I'd canceled the card on Saturday but most of the fraud had taken place on Sunday. Something had gone wrong.

One cool thing about banking at a tiny credit-union is that you end up talking to people who have actual authority, responsibility and agency. It turned out the the woman who was processing my fraud paperwork was a VP, and she decided to look into it. A few minutes later she came back and told me that the fraud center had no record of having called me on Saturday.

"That was the fraudster," she said.

Oh, shit. I frantically rewound my conversation, trying to figure out if this could possibly be true. I hadn't given him anything apart from some very anodyne info, like what city I live in (which is in my Wikipedia entry), my date of birth (ditto), and the last four digits of my card.

Wait a sec.

He hadn't asked for the last four digits. He'd asked for the last seven digits. At the time, I'd found that very frustrating, but now – "The first nine digits are the same for every card you issue, right?" I asked the VP.

I'd given him my entire card number.

Goddammit.

The thing is, I know a lot about fraud. I'm writing an entire series of novels about this kind of scam:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865878/thebezzle

And most summers, I go to Defcon, and I always go to the "social engineering" competitions where an audience listens as a hacker in a soundproof booth cold-calls merchants (with the owner's permission) and tries to con whoever answers the phone into giving up important information.

But I'd been conned.

Now look, I knew I could be conned. I'd been conned before, 13 years ago, by a Twitter worm that successfully phished out of my password via DM:

https://locusmag.com/2010/05/cory-doctorow-persistence-pays-parasites/

That scam had required a miracle of timing. It started the day before, when I'd reset my phone to factory defaults and reinstalled all my apps. That same day, I'd published two big online features that a lot of people were talking about. The next morning, we were late getting out of the house, so by the time my wife and I dropped the kid at daycare and went to the coffee shop, it had a long line. Rather than wait in line with me, my wife sat down to read a newspaper, and so I pulled out my phone and found a Twitter DM from a friend asking "is this you?" with a URL.

Assuming this was something to do with those articles I'd published the day before, I clicked the link and got prompted for my Twitter login again. This had been happening all day because I'd done that mobile reinstall the day before and all my stored passwords had been wiped. I entered it but the page timed out. By that time, the coffees were ready. We sat and chatted for a bit, then went our own ways.

I was on my way to the office when I checked my phone again. I had a whole string of DMs from other friends. Each one read "is this you?" and had a URL.

Oh, shit, I'd been phished.

If I hadn't reinstalled my mobile OS the day before. If I hadn't published a pair of big articles the day before. If we hadn't been late getting out the door. If we had been a little more late getting out the door (so that I'd have seen the multiple DMs, which would have tipped me off).

There's a name for this in security circles: "Swiss-cheese security." Imagine multiple slices of Swiss cheese all stacked up, the holes in one slice blocked by the slice below it. All the slices move around and every now and again, a hole opens up that goes all the way through the stack. Zap!

The fraudster who tricked me out of my credit card number had Swiss cheese security on his side. Yes, he spoofed my bank's caller ID, but that wouldn't have been enough to fool me if I hadn't been on vacation, having just used a pair of dodgy ATMs, in a hurry and distracted. If the 737 Max disaster hadn't happened that day and I'd had more time at the gate, I'd have called my bank back. If my bank didn't use a slightly crappy outsource/out-of-hours fraud center that I'd already had sub-par experiences with. If, if, if.

The next Friday night, at 5:30PM, the fraudster called me back, pretending to be the bank's after-hours center. He told me my card had been compromised again. But: I hadn't removed my card from my wallet since I'd had it replaced. Also, it was half an hour after the bank closed for the long weekend, a very fraud-friendly time. And when I told him I'd call him back and asked for the after-hours fraud number, he got very threatening and warned me that because I'd now been notified about the fraud that any losses the bank suffered after I hung up the phone without completing the fraud protocol would be billed to me. I hung up on him. He called me back immediately. I hung up on him again and put my phone into do-not-disturb.

The following Tuesday, I called my bank and spoke to their head of risk-management. I went through everything I'd figured out about the fraudsters, and she told me that credit unions across America were being hit by this scam, by fraudsters who somehow knew CU customers' phone numbers and names, and which CU they banked at. This was key: my phone number is a reasonably well-kept secret. You can get it by spending money with Equifax or another nonconsensual doxing giant, but you can't just google it or get it at any of the free services. The fact that the fraudsters knew where I banked, knew my name, and had my phone number had really caused me to let down my guard.

The risk management person and I talked about how the credit union could mitigate this attack: for example, by better-training the after-hours card-loss staff to be on the alert for calls from people who had been contacted about supposed card fraud. We also went through the confusing phone-menu that had funneled me to the wrong department when I called in, and worked through alternate wording for the menu system that would be clearer (this is the best part about banking with a small CU – you can talk directly to the responsible person and have a productive discussion!). I even convinced her to buy a ticket to next summer's Defcon to attend the social engineering competitions.

There's a leak somewhere in the CU systems' supply chain. Maybe it's Zelle, or the small number of corresponding banks that CUs rely on for SWIFT transaction forwarding. Maybe it's even those after-hours fraud/card-loss centers. But all across the USA, CU customers are getting calls with spoofed caller IDs from fraudsters who know their registered phone numbers and where they bank.

I've been mulling this over for most of a month now, and one thing has really been eating at me: the way that AI is going to make this kind of problem much worse.

Not because AI is going to commit fraud, though.

One of the truest things I know about AI is: "we're nowhere near a place where bots can steal your job, we're certainly at the point where your boss can be suckered into firing you and replacing you with a bot that fails at doing your job":

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/15/passive-income-brainworms/#four-hour-work-week

I trusted this fraudster specifically because I knew that the outsource, out-of-hours contractors my bank uses have crummy headsets, don't know how to pronounce my bank's name, and have long-ass, tedious, and pointless standardized questionnaires they run through when taking fraud reports. All of this created cover for the fraudster, whose plausibility was enhanced by the rough edges in his pitch - they didn't raise red flags.

As this kind of fraud reporting and fraud contacting is increasingly outsourced to AI, bank customers will be conditioned to dealing with semi-automated systems that make stupid mistakes, force you to repeat yourself, ask you questions they should already know the answers to, and so on. In other words, AI will groom bank customers to be phishing victims.

This is a mistake the finance sector keeps making. 15 years ago, Ben Laurie excoriated the UK banks for their "Verified By Visa" system, which validated credit card transactions by taking users to a third party site and requiring them to re-enter parts of their password there:

https://web.archive.org/web/20090331094020/http://www.links.org/?p=591

This is exactly how a phishing attack works. As Laurie pointed out, this was the banks training their customers to be phished.

I came close to getting phished again today, as it happens. I got back from Berlin on Friday and my suitcase was damaged in transit. I've been dealing with the airline, which means I've really been dealing with their third-party, outsource luggage-damage service. They have a terrible website, their emails are incoherent, and they officiously demand the same information over and over again.

This morning, I got a scam email asking me for more information to complete my damaged luggage claim. It was a terrible email, from a noreply@ email address, and it was vague, officious, and dishearteningly bureaucratic. For just a moment, my finger hovered over the phishing link, and then I looked a little closer.

On any other day, it wouldn't have had a chance. Today – right after I had my luggage wrecked, while I'm still jetlagged, and after days of dealing with my airline's terrible outsource partner – it almost worked.

So much fraud is a Swiss-cheese attack, and while companies can't close all the holes, they can stop creating new ones.

Meanwhile, I'll continue to post about it whenever I get scammed. I find the inner workings of scams to be fascinating, and it's also important to remind people that everyone is vulnerable sometimes, and scammers are willing to try endless variations until an attack lands at just the right place, at just the right time, in just the right way. If you think you can't get scammed, that makes you especially vulnerable:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/24/passive-income/#swiss-cheese-security

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

#pluralistic #social engineering #phishing #ai #swiss cheese security #infosec #finance #fraud #carding

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articledude · 1 year

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The Ultimate Guide to Cheap Business Card Printing in Singapore

In today's digital age, where online presence dominates the business landscape, it's easy to overlook the importance of physical marketing materials. However, business cards remain a powerful tool for networking and establishing professional connections. If you're a business owner or entrepreneur in Singapore, this comprehensive guide will walk you through everything you need to know about cheap business card printing, ensuring you make a lasting impression on potential clients and partners.

Why Business Cards Still Matter

In a fast-paced world filled with virtual interactions, a tangible business card can leave a memorable impression. Here are a few reasons why business cards continue to be relevant:

Personal Touch: Handing out a business card allows you to establish a personal connection with your potential clients or partners. It creates a lasting impression that digital communication simply cannot replicate.

Professionalism: A well-designed business card reflects your professionalism and attention to detail. It demonstrates that you take your business seriously and are dedicated to making a positive impression.

Convenience: Business cards are portable and can be carried anywhere, making them easily accessible whenever an opportunity arises to connect with someone.

Brand Recognition: A thoughtfully designed business card can serve as a mini advertisement for your brand. It helps potential clients remember your business and differentiate it from competitors.

Finding Affordable Business Card Printing Services in Singapore

Now that we understand the significance of business cards, let's delve into the process of finding affordable printing services in Singapore. Follow these steps to ensure you get the best value for your money:

1. Research Online Printing Companies

Start by conducting thorough research to identify reputable online printing companies in Singapore. Look for companies that specialize in business card printing and have positive customer reviews. Compare their prices, printing options, and delivery times to find the best fit for your requirements.

2. Consider the Design Options

When selecting a printing service, assess the design options available. A visually appealing and well-designed business card will make a stronger impact on potential clients. Look for customization options such as various card shapes, finishes, and paper quality. Ensure that the printing company offers templates or design services to assist you in creating an impressive card.

3. Check for Printing Quality

The quality of printing is crucial to the overall impact of your business cards. Inspect samples or request a sample kit from the printing company to assess the clarity, color accuracy, and durability of their printed materials. Remember, a high-quality business card will make a lasting impression on your recipients.

4. Compare Prices and Services

While affordability is a key factor, it's essential to strike a balance between price and quality. Compare the prices offered by different printing companies, taking into account the services they provide. Look for any additional features or discounts they may offer, such as free shipping or bulk order discounts. Don't forget to consider the turnaround time for printing and delivery as well.

Tips for Designing Effective Business Cards

Beyond finding an affordable printing service, designing an effective business card is crucial for making a strong impact. Here are some tips to help you create a memorable business card:

1. Keep It Simple and Legible

Avoid cluttering your business card with excessive information. Focus on essential details like your name, job title, contact number, email address, and website. Use a legible font size and style, ensuring the text is easy to read.

2. Use Eye-Catching Colors and Graphics

Choose colors and graphics that align with your brand identity and industry. Vibrant colors can grab attention, but make sure they complement your logo and overall design. A visually appealing card is more likely to be retained and remembered.

3. Incorporate Your Logo

Including your logo prominently on your business card helps reinforce your brand identity. Ensure that the logo is clear, well-positioned, and not overshadowed by other design elements.

4. Consider Unique Finishes

To make your business card stand out, consider unique finishes such as embossing, spot UV coating, or foil stamping. These finishes add texture and visual interest, making your card more memorable.

5. Add QR Codes or Social Media Handles

Incorporating QR codes or social media handles on your business card allows recipients to connect with you online easily. This helps expand your digital presence and encourages further engagement with your brand.

Visit: cheapest business card printing singapore

Conclusion

Investing in cheap business card printing in Singapore is a valuable marketing strategy that can elevate your professional image and create lasting connections. Remember to research and select a reputable printing company, prioritize quality, and design a visually appealing card that aligns with your brand. By following these guidelines, you can ensure that your business cards effectively represent your brand and help you stand out from the competition.

#Cheap Namecard Printing in Singapore #cheap name card printing singapore #cheapest business card printing singapore #name card printing in singapore #how much does printing cost in singapore #cheapest colour printing singapore #cheapest business card printing

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identity2110 · 1 year

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Upload your artwork and get customized carry bags and d-cut carrier bags with your business logo & details printed in bulk at the cheapest prices by DP Enterprise.

WhatsApp Us = 91 8920 951 048, +91 9873 455 131 Email Us = [email protected] Address = D-21, 3rd Floor, Sector 10, Noida 201301 (U.P.) For More Info Visit Us = Printing Service Online

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touchcard · 1 year

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Revolutionizing Networking: The Rise of Smart Business Cards

Your search for the best provider of Smart Name Cards in Singapore can always come to an end at TOUCH CARDS if your search is 100% impartial. You must get in touch with the experts at the company help desk and get the name card almost instantly. https://www.intouchwe.com/

#Business Card Designs #Business Card Printing #Cheap Namecard Printing Singapore #Visiting Card Design

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seonimbusgroups · 1 year

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Focus Areas for Outsourcing Digital Printing Services

We provide digital printing has overcome the traditional printing practices; the companies too prefer digital printing because of better quality, quick turnaround period and more convenience. So, finding the competitive designing & printing company with proven expertise is the common task for almost all the businesses. Here are 5 key areas to focus while hiring the best online digital printing services provider at very justified price:

#: Book printing services #Cheap business cards #Digital printing service provider #Graphics printing services

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digitalnamecardsingapore · 2 years

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Want to Know about Digital Business Cards? 4 Things You Must Know

#business card designs #business card printing #cheap namecard printing singapore #visiting card design #digital business cards #digital name card singapore #digital name cards #touch digital business cards #namecard printing singapore #business card app #print namecard singapore #contactless business card #digital printing business cards #digital business cards singapore #singapore digital namecard #digital namecard singapore #smart business cards #smart name card singapore #digital business cards design

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bullprint · 25 days

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Opt for Cheap Business Card Printing to Boost Your Brand

Innovation in business presentation begins with a small yet powerful tool: the business card. In Australia, accessing high-quality yet cheap business card printing services is no longer a challenge. Affordable options offer a perfect blend of quality and cost-effectiveness, allowing entrepreneurs to make a remarkable first impression without breaking the bank.

The variety available in cheap business cards ensures that businesses can reflect their brand identity accurately. From sleek designs to vibrant colours, the options cater to all preferences. Whether it's for a start-up or an established enterprise, cheap business cards offer a professional touch that is essential in networking events.

Key Benefits of Choosing Affordable Business Cards Include:

Cost Efficiency: High-quality cards at budget-friendly prices.

Versatile Designs: Options range from minimalistic to elaborate.

Customisation: Tailor designs to align with brand aesthetics.

Fast Turnaround: Quick printing services to meet urgent needs.

Eco-Friendly Choices: Recycled paper options for sustainable branding.

A well-crafted business card serves as a tangible reminder of your brand and a handy tool for making meaningful connections. With cheap business card printing, businesses access a wide range of features, such as different laminations and corner styles that enhance the card's appeal.

In conclusion, cheap business cards in Australia offer unrivalled value, combining affordability with quality. They empower businesses to leave a lasting impression, showcasing professionalism while staying within budget. Whether for daily use or special events, these cards are an indispensable asset for any business looking to establish a strong presence in the market.

#cheap business card printing #cheap business cards Australia

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milksuu · 11 months

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Sorry, Mom. I'm The New Cleaning Lady For Heartsteel

Pairings: various!Heartsteel x f!reader

Status: on-going (Cross posted on AO3)

Content/Warnings: 18+ content, explicit themes, suggestive language

Summary: Identity theft was a crime—that was obvious. But when it meant paying off the bills for basically existing and your mother’s hospital expenses, committing a felony didn’t seem like a bad thing. It was like that one quote, from that one band, with that one hit song: “Two sides to a story but they never tell me side.”

Or…something like that. Wait, what was their name again? Heartsteel? Sounds like a dating sim game.

[Reader takes the identity of her mother, who had been hired to be the new cleaning lady for an up and coming boy band named ‘Heartsteel’. Obviously, there’s no way they would ever find out. But that was a joke. Because they’re definitely finding out: one by one.]

“You…brought your own cleaning supplies?”

“You always need to be prepared, young man,” you replied, adjusting your duck-yellow cleaning gloves. They squeeked and flopped comically around your hand and fingers.

“Ma’am, you do understand today is solely the house tour.” The man folded his arms neatly against his chest, white brow raised. “In order to rely on you fully, you’ll need to be familiar with the estate first. I thought we discussed this beforehand. That and…we have cleaning supplies to provide you with here.”

You paused at the grand modern entrance. You lifted your bucket full of sponges, brushes, and cleaning spray from the dollar store. 'Buy-one-get-one' on all cleaning supplies was the grand deal of the day. How could you pass a penny-pinching bargain? Swallowing your shame, you settled the cheap items on the pristine granite floors.

“Oh, is that so? Must’ve slipped my mind. Age will do that to you.” You forced a chuckle, adjusting your sterile mask across your youthful face. “That and, I have such a passion for cleaning. I can't help myself. I see the inside of a house, and I just have to clean it. I’m sure you could understand that.”

“I don’t believe I could,” your employer said dryly. “Anyway, if you will, follow me.”

You nodded and shuffled along accordingly. As you stared into the back of his immaculately pressed business attire, a new-found horror struck through you: you had no clue what your employer’s name was. Frantically, you scavenged your pockets. From it, you pulled out a business card, holding it so close to your face you smelled the tinge of clean cologne.

YONE

RIOT RECORDS

DJ / PRODUCER

EMAIL: [email protected]

TELEPHONE: XXX-XXX-XXXX

“The bottom floor consists of all of the amenities; gym, entertainment area, recording studio and so on.” Yone stated as he stepped into the open-kitchen plan. When he regarded you again, you awkwardly plunged the card back into your pants pocket. “The boys have their own scheduled chores every week. They’re expected to do it without you having to help them. I’m trying to keep them humble, but easier said than done. Refer to the chore calendar on the fridge. And try not to interfere with it too much.”

“Okay—who switched my protein powder with flour?” Behind an opened cabinet, a heavy-muscled stacked man growled. “Guys. Seriously. This stuff’s expensive. Where’d it go?” When he poured the contents out into the trash can, he plucked out a note from the bottom of the canister. The small print read:

‘Protein powder tastes like dog food.’’

The weight of realization punched him square between the eyes. He threw open the pantry, where dog kibble was stored in a tub at the bottom marked ‘Ernest’. Sett pulled open the container, and sure enough, found his protein powder and scooper. There was no mistaking his favorite smell of cinnamon crunch isolate, now mixed with the scent of dry-bacon kibble. Another note pasted the inside lid:

‘Woof–Woof ฅ՞•ﻌ•՞ฅ’

“A–phe–li–os,” the name gritted between his canines. His ears flattened against his untamed hair, and crumpled the note to dust in his palm. “Oh–Ho. Mess with me all you want; but never mess with my gains. I’m gonna’ prank him back so hard tonight, he’s gonna’ be begging me to stop.”

“Sett,” Yone coughed, grabbing the Vistayan's attention. “We have a guest today. Our new cleaning lady.”

“Oh, sorry about that.” Sett wiped his powdered hand against his sleeveless shirt. He reached and took your rubber glove with a squelch. “Hey, how’s it goin’, Ma’am. The name’s Sett.”

You swallowed hard, hoping your glove would remain securely covering your hand. You feared if he pulled back, he would reveal a hand that wasn't so wrinkled for someone supposedly in their late-fifties. And that was according to your mother’s age printed on her driver’s license. Thankfully, you could tell he restrained himself to a delicate shake.

“Would talk more but gotta hit the gym. Nice meetin’ yah though,'' Sett started away, and called back over his shoulder. “Mom, can you take care of Phel for me? I dunno' where he hid the dog food for Ernest.”

Yone exhaled a silent sigh, and part of you felt pity for your employer. He seemed like a parent with a tag-team of overbearing children running around the house. Being a single parent was difficult; you knew this first hand from your own up-bringing. It made you grateful for your mother’s patience and attention. It was the reason you were here in the first place.

“Let’s continue with the tour upstairs,” Yone said, motioning you to a loft-style staircase. “The second floor consists of all the bedrooms and laundry room. At the end of the hall is my room. As it stands, it’s completely off limits to everyone, including yourself.” He turned a sharp chin in your direction, “Am I understood?”

You gulped and pressed your shoulders straight. “Of course.”

“Mommy, help me!” A bed of green hair bounced to Yone’s side, tugging at his tailored suit. “Kayn’s bullying me again. But I didn’t do anything wrong, I swear.”

“You’re such a crappy liar.” The presumed assailant, Kayn, stomped out of the hallway bathroom. Magenta hair stuck to his furrowing brows. With just a towel wrapped around his steaming waist, his abdominal muscles tensed, pointing aggressively at his target. “I was trying to shower in peace, until bubblegum pop princess over here came barging in trying to take selfies of himself. Did you know people usually shower naked? I’d like my junk not to be posted on social media, unless I’m the one doing it. For cash.”

“It’s not my fault you’re always going over your shower limit. News flash: we each only get fifteen-minutes. But you’re always breaking the rules! You know I take my selfies at the same time, at the same place, every single day. So how about you do us all a favor, and get some better time management?”

Kayn raised a vein popping fist into the air. “How about I get you a better face instead?"

Ezreal cried fake sparkling tears, cowering further behind their producer.

“Enough. The both of you,” Yone tightened around his words like a leash, restraining the quarreling pair. “For once, I’d like for you two to at least pretend you get along in front of others.”

The two whined and grumbled under their breaths till they fell to a silent agreement. But the peace treaty wasn’t upheld for long. You saw a zap of yellow from the corner of your eye. The image was so fast, you thought you must’ve imagined it—Nope. You definitely saw something. Kayn’s towel knot popped loose. And it wasn’t caused by an event of divine intervention.

The towel billowed towards the ground. And the world felt as if it was turning in slow motion, like one of those car chase movies with excessive explosions. Except, the only explosion here would be your very own heart.

Sure, you took an anatomy class here and there. In high school, you remembered the penis joke’s and games, and they never flustered you. Heck, not even when your friends set your desktop screen to a .gif of dicks spinning in circles—you found that hilarious. And when anatomy classes began in college, they were all very clinical, rudimentary, and otherwise a snooze fest.

But seeing one in real life when you’ve never had a boyfriend or a one night stand, was truly groundbreaking. Earth shattering, even.

Penis (en)counter: 1

While you were stuck in your prison of naïve embarrassment, Ezreal laughed and pulled out his cell phone, camera light shuttering a mile a minute.

“You little shi—!” Time sped forward again. With fast reflexes of his own, Kayn whipped the towel and knot back in place. “That’s it. You’re dead.”

“Uh–Oh. Time to run again,” Ezreal quipped, zooming off down the stairs.

With all bark and full bite, Kayn vanished like a cloud of smoke in pursuit. You coughed against the smog, while Yone merely swatted his hand back and forth, dissipating the gray wisps.

“You’ll have to excuse them,” he commented. “They share the same room, but have vastly different personalities. I arranged most of them together, thinking it’d help them understand each other on a deeper level. And ultimately, help them perform better together in the studio and on stage. My efforts are…yet to be determined.”

“That’s alright. Can’t be easy for young men their age to share anything. Especially with them being full of energy, testosterone, and other things. O-Oh, to be young once more…ah-ha…” you laughed nervously. Oh, God. What the heck were you saying? Honestly, you had to give pardon to yourself. You were still trying to recover from seeing your first penis up close and personal.

The image would be forever burned in your mind.

You were pulled from your self-conscious thoughts. Down the hall, a pair of shadowed eyes peeked through a sliver of door and frame. When your gaze locked together, the other pair of eyes shifted shyly from side to side. As if a poltergeist existed within the room, the visage faded back into the uncanny crack of darkness. The door creaked closed, with an audible click and lock.

Yone pursued straight to the door, and you stood a few paces back. If there was any chance that a ghost was inside living rent-free, you wouldn't be the first it possessed. You weren't a certified Ghostbuster.

But you also weren't a certified Dustbuster, either. No one will know, know one will know, you chanted the comforting hymn.

“Aphelios. Open the door. I know you’re in there. I can see the computer light flashing,” Yone stated, rattling the door knob. “Where’s the kibble for the dog? Sett told me you have it somewhere.”

There was a beat in the air. From behind the door, you heard feet pacing back and forth, and the sounds of finger taps against a phone screen. Yone’s phone pinged with an alert. He pulled it out, and opened his text messages.

‘I can’t open the door all the way. I set the bucket of dog food to fall on Sett’s head when he comes in. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ’

“For the love of…no more pranks today." Yone pinched the bridge of his nose with a groan. "But I doubt you could even manage that. Whatever trap you’ve ensembled, take it down—now. And put the dog’s food back in the pantry. Unless you want to donate a cut of your earnings every month to Ernest’s pet store bill.”

Another pause, followed by begrudging phone taps.

‘Fine, m O T h E r…(¬_¬")’

“That might take him a few. Depending how intricate the set up was. I would be surprised if the only thing involved in this scheme was just the dog food.” Yone motioned you back down the stairs. “Last thing to see is the outdoor space.”

Continuing with the tour, you passed through the lower floor, stepping down a hallway decorated with awards and magazine clippings. From commercial modeling gigs to sold out venues, your eyes glistened at the polished look the group was slowly cultivating. Which you had to admit, completely contradicted their personal lives.

When you reached a sliding glass door that stretched from floor to ceiling, you stepped out onto a landscaped deck. Lush modern garden trims, a shaded outdoor lounge, and smooth sandstone pavement decorated the space. At the backend, an infinity pool rested in pristine stillness.

At the head of the pool, a person of sculpted bronze physique posed in swimwear on a lounge chair. When you approached along with your chaperone, he picked up his tropical drink, and tilted it in a cheering gesture.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t Mama gracing me with his presence. And look's like someone else is with him, too.” The man basking in the sun's rays and oil slicked, shucked his sunglasses onto his dread locks. “Let me guess. This must be the new cleaning lady you hired to pick up after our mess.”

“To a certain degree,” Yone replied. “But not all of the mess, K’Sante. Out of everyone, you should know better.”

“I only joke, Mama.” He grinned smoothly, taking a sip of his frozen alcoholic refresher. “Say, have you seen Sett? I told him to come join me for a tan by the pool. If he wants his muscles to truly pop, he needs to use some oil and not be allergic to the sun. The man is whiter than the sky is bright today.”

As he laughed to himself, Ernest left his chew toy at the far side of the pool, and came to sniff your shoes. With a smile, you slipped a very small piece of your long sleeve up, allowing him to sniff at your skin. The dog lapped his tongue around his slobbering chops, barking delightedly and pawing for you to pet him. You were more than happy to oblige.

These gloves came in handy after all, you thought pleasantly as globs of saliva fell in heaps over your fingers.

“What’s this? Ernest taking a liking to the cleaning lady already,” K’Sante mused at the sight. “Barely warmed up to us when we first met. We won’t mention the illegal trespassing but, call me impressed.”

With a wink, he flicked his sunglasses back down to the bridge of his nose. “That or he has a ‘ting for older women. Can’t say I blame ‘em. An experienced woman has a certain power that’ll make any grown man cry. And from my own experience, it is never for mercy.”

Oh, boy. You couldn’t imagine your mother being interested in the cougar life-style. Not that you would approve of it. And you were certain your father would descend from the heavens and deliver the backhand of God to any young man who dared otherwise.

Before Yone could address the unsavory statement, Ezreal burst through the backyard sliding doors. Still possessed with laughter, he hopped and skipped over pool chairs and tables. The merriment stopped short when Kayn caught up to the cheeky idol, snatching his wrist which held the phone. From the staggering halt, the phone slipped from Ezreal’s hold, somersaulting towards the pool.

“M-My phone!” Ezreal paled at the thought of losing thousands of stored photos of himself—Oh, and the blackmail photos he was going to use against Kayn, too.

Yanking his wrist free, Ezreal pursued the device. But Ernest’s rubber hotdog toy squealed beneath him, forcing him off balance. Kayn latched an arm around Ezreal's slim waist, and pressed him safely against his bare chest.

He huffed against Ezreal's ear. “You can’t swim, you idiot. Remember? Just let it go.”

Ernest barked at the surmounting commotion. Being the valiant guard dog with the perfect pedigree, he bounded on his thick paws to catch Kayn by the towel, with all the intent to keep them both from falling in. What a good boy! Unfortunately for Kayn, Ernest bit a bit more than he could chew.

Kayn’s voice bass boosted ten-octaves lower. “MY DAMN ASS!”

W-Whose voice was that? Was that even the same person? The thought rattled through you.

A chunk of Kayn's soft meat condensed in the jaws of a furry devil. A shock travelled up the nerves of his spine, into the the muscle fibers of his arm, shoving Ezreal forward. Ezreal flailed his hands in the air, desperate to find some semblance of balance—with no luck, at all. Fumbling on his tip-toes, Ezreal plummeted into the pool with a splash. Kayn stumbled from the after-shock of his spirit being bitten straight through his buttcheeks. His feet met the cursed rubber squeaker, sending him following suit into the pool. Except, the towel had its own plans. It decided to stay behind and not get involved.

Penis (en)counter: 2

“I heard some commotion, fellas. What’s goin’ on?” Sett stepped out from the sliding doors. He caught witness of Ezreal’s face treading water, gasping for bouts of air. Sett’s muscles popped at the sight, barreling towards the scene. “Don’t worry, Ez. I’m coming for yah, buddy!”

Sett launched himself into the air, preparing the most athletic Olympic dive ever conceived.

Kayn inhaled sharply as he broke through the water's surface tension. Recuperating his breaths, he slicked his wet hair back from his face. Looking down at the waters crystal reflection, an odd shadow grew in size around him. And according to the forecast earlier; there was no chance in Hell of clouds or rain. Lifting his nose to the darkening sky, he blanched in sheer horror. A body, massive enough to eclipse the sun, hurled down like a meteor descending to Earth.

What day was it today, Doomsday? He must've forgot; Kayn never bothered to look at calendar's, anyway.

Back to the painful mistress that was his life; a weak, painful moan escaped him. “You can’t be serious. This isn’t the cool death I deserve—”

Those were Kayn’s final words. A wave rivaling a tsunami consumed him, a random pizza chair float, and the immediate surrounding pool area. Standing in the designated splash zone, pool water soaked your soles, leached into your socks, and dampened your pants to the knees. From K’Sante’s spot, a shot of chlorine or two spiked his drink. He snatched his sunglasses off and shouted the words; “This was the last bit of banana daiquiri mix, you aboas! Now I have to go down to the liquor store and hope they sell it frozen already.”

Yone, with all the grace anyone could hope to be blessed with, merely side-stepped away. A single speck landed on his polished shoes. He narrowed his steely eyes, flicking away the insignificant drop.

You caught something flashing on the second floor of the estate. Looking up, you shielded your eyes from the glaring sun. From one of the windows, you spotted someone holding up a sign. You assumed it was Aphelios. The poster read:

‘4/10 Ezreal. 6/10 Kayn. 10/10 Sett.’

With a dramatic burst through the water, Sett hurled Ezreal over his massive shoulder, and walked out of the pool. Placing Ezreal onto his soaking back, he coughed and gagged against the awful taste of treated water.

He smiled at his new-found savior. “Thanks, Sett. I’m fine, but what about Kayn…”

The group shifted their attention over the silent, lapping water. After a bubble or two, the sight of Kayn’s bare bottom surfaced to the top. Floating like a wet and rounded land-mass, with the additional landmark of a pink dog-bite.

“Kayn! Hang in there, pal!” Sett launched himself once more into the water, creating another wave of soaking magnitude.

Although the drink had already been spoiled, K’Sante reflexively covered the top of his daiquiri glass. “For God’s sake, Sett. Take your time. It’s not like you’re saving the life of an innocent man.”

As chaos continued to ensue around the gang, Yone placed himself at your side. With a shake of his head, he crossed his arms, and sent a ghost of a smile your way.

“Welcome to Heartsteel,” he said. “Your first day starts tomorrow.”

Looks like your identity was safe…for now, at least.

an: thanks for reading! the rest of the this story will most likely just be on my AO3. You can find me @ milksuu. comments and suggestions always welcomed. <3

#heartsteel #league of legends #Heartsteel x reader #kayn x reader #ezreal x reader #aphelios x reader #Sett x reader #K'Sante x reader #Yone x reader #reader insert #league of legends fanfiction #cross posted on ao3 #divider by @benkeibear

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