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mcflymemes · 5 months

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THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT - THE ANTHOLOGY BY TAYLOR SWIFT PROMPT LIST * assorted lyrics from the album, some lines slightly adapted for meme purposes but feel free to adjust as necessary

even if it's handcuffed, i'm leaving here with you.

trust me. i can handle a dangerous man.

i love you. it's ruining my life.

does it feel all right to not know me?

i am who i am 'cause you trained me.

quick. tell me something awful.

i loved you the way that you were.

we were just kids, babe.

i can fix him.

you and i go from one kiss to getting married.

you said i'm the love of your life.

way up there, i actually love it.

i just don't understand how you don't miss me.

do you hate me?

did you think i had it in me?

what if i told you i'm back?

i still miss the smoke.

i'm not trying to exaggerate, but i think i might die if it happened.

you look like stevie nicks.

it's hell on earth to be heavenly.

i still can't believe it.

this happens once every few lifetimes.

didn't you hear? they called it all off.

it's happening again.

my friends say it isn't right to be scared.

i might just die.

fuck you if i can't have us.

tell me about the first time you saw me.

are you gonna marry, kiss, or kill me?

no one's ever had me... not like you.

stay away from her.

there wouldn't be this if there hadn't been you.

i don't think you've changed much.

that's where i was when i lost it all.

life was always easier on you than it was on me.

i hoped you'd return.

do you believe me now?

what if your eyes looked up and met mine one more time?

what are the chances you'd be downtown?

is it something i did?

oh, we must stop meeting like this.

they say what doesn't kill you makes you aware.

i'm not a donor, but i'd give you my heart if you needed it.

looking backwards might be the only way to move forwards.

the story isn't mine anymore.

what a charming saturday!

none of it is changing.

wild winds are death to the candle.

one bad seed kills the garden.

i'm bitter, but i swear i'm fine.

this place made me feel worthless.

i didn't want to come down.

everything had been above board.

blood's thick, but nothing like a payroll.

you can mark my words that i said it first.

the professor said to write what you know.

all of this to say, i hope you're okay.

your words are still just ringing in my head.

i built a legacy which you can't undo.

who do i have to speak to to change the prophecy?

the effects were temporary.

no, i'm not coming to my senses.

babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it.

you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart.

i guess a lesser woman would've lost hope.

thought of calling you, but you won't pick up.

you're a professional.

long may you reign.

you're an animal. you are bloodthirsty.

now i seem to be scared to go outside.

i don't believe in good luck.

i hate it here.

if i'd been there, i'd hate it.

only the gentle survived.

i'm lonely, but i'm good.

you have no room in your dreams for regrets.

i thought it was just goodbye for now.

are you still a mind reader?

let it once be me.

i haven't decided yet.

i still dream of him.

i'm so afraid i sealed my fate.

it was always the same searing pain.

i can't forgive the way you made me feel.

it wasn't a fair fight or a clean kill.

she used to say she wished that you were dead.

tell me all your secrets.

they tried to warn you about me.

you're in terrible danger.

i'm the life you chose.

yes, i'm haunted, but i'm feeling just fine.

no one asks any questions here.

tell me i'm despicable. say it's unforgivable.

i'm running back home to you.

you should see your faces.

you knew the price going in.

was any of it true?

who the fuck was that guy?

i don't ever want you back.

did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?

you don't get to tell me you feel bad.

you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me.

am i allowed to cry?

there's no such thing as bad thoughts. only your actions talk.

they're going to crucify me anyway.

i know i'm just repeating myself.

that's the closest i've come to my heart exploding.

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reputayswift · 5 months

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were you:

☑️ sent by someone??? (who wanted ME dEAD?)

did you:

☑️ sleep with a gun? (underNEATH our bed???)

were you:

☑️ writing a boᵒᵏ????

☑️ a SLEEPER CELL SPY?

in 50 years will all this be declassified?

🔘 (yes)

⚪️ (no)

and you’ll

confess why you did it (500 words or less)

_________________________________

and I’ll say:

☑️ good riddance!

☑️ it wasn’t SEXy once it wasn’t forbidden

I would’ve:

⬜️ DIED for your SINS

☑️ just died inside

and you:

⬜️ deserve prison

☑️ won’t get time

you’ll:

☑️ slide into INboxes

☑️ slip through the BARS

you:

☑️ crashed my party (and your rental car)

☑️ said “normal girls were boring 🤪”

☑️ were gone by the morning

☑️ kicked out the stage lights

☑️ are still performing

and in plain sight you:

☑️ hid

but you are:

☑️ what you did

and I’ll:

☑️ forget you

⬜️ forgive

Signature:

the smallest man who ever lived…

#long post #tays takes #taylor swift #the tortured poets department #the smallest man who ever lived

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holygraund · 22 days

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Were you sent by SOMEONE!!! 🥁🥁🥁 WHO WANTED ME DEAD!!!! 🔪🔪🔪 Did you sleep with a GUN !!! 🔫 Underneath OUR BED!!!!! 👇👇👇 Were you WRITING A BOOK!!!! 🥁🥁🥁✍️ Were you a SLEEPER CELL SPY!!!!!!! 🥁🥁🥁 In 50 years will all this be DECLASSIFIED!!!!!!!! 🥁🥁🥁 And you’ll CONFESS why you did it!!!! 🫡🫡🫡 And I'll say GOOD RIDDANCE!!!!! 👋👋👋 'Cause it wasn't SEXY 💅 once it wasn't FORBIDDEN!! 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️ I would’ve DIED for YOUR SINS!!! 🫴🫴🫴 Instead I just DIED INSIDE!!!!! 🫴🫴🫴 And you deserve PRISON but you won’t get time!!!!!! 🫸🫸🫸 You'll slide into INBOXES 🔫🩸 and slip through the BARS!!! 🤕🤕🤕 You CRASHED my party and your RENTAL CAR!!!!!!!! 🫵🫵🫵 You said normal girls WERE BORING 🔫🩸 but you were GONE BY THE MORNING!!!! 🩸🩸🩸 You KICKED OUT THE STAGE LIGHTS BUT YOU'RE STILL PERFORMING!!!!! 💥💥💥 And in plain sight you HID 🫣🫣🫣 but YOU ARE WHAT YOU DID 🫵🫵🫵 And I'll FORGET you but I'll never FORGIVE 😭😭😭 the smallest man who ever lived ⚰️🪦🪦🪦

#iykyk #the choreo #my posts

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ilostyou · 5 months

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were you sent by SOMEONE?????? who wanted ME DEAD?????????? did you sleep with a GUN underNEATH OUR BED???? were you writing a BOOK were you a SLEEPER CELL SPY?????

#this bridge is insane #dash karaoke #the smallest man who ever lived

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jflemings · 5 months

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— the smallest man who ever lived

pairing: jessie fleming x reader, jessie fleming x child!reader

synopsis: your ex-partner comes looking to make amends

warnings: angst, absent father, unknown unresolved trauma

a/n: timeline doesn’t exist to me i just talk shit

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍵 ⋅ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead? / Did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed? / Were you writing a book? Were you a sleeper cell spy? / In fifty years, will all this be declassified?

you clap and wave to fans as you walk around the pitch, kyra coming up behind you to sling an arm over your shoulder. arsenal had just won against spurs on penalties at meadow park and the home crowd was only making the winning high more intense.

instead of sitting on the bench, piper was in the stands with jessie. it was a rare occasion that jessie got to come to one of your games she wasn’t playing in, so she took the opportunity for what it was and made a day out of it with piper.

she had made pancakes for the two of them before getting her dressed in your arsenal jersey and doing her hair in two little buns, smiling as piper sang north london forever and repeated cloé and katie’s chants. she made sure to pack snacks and raphael up in her ninja turtle bag and then the two of them went to the coffee shop near your place to get hot chocolate’s before heading to the game.

you wave to them from where they sit before taking a few photos and signing some things, finishing your lap with kyra still hanging off you like a sloth.

“is jessie in an arsenal jersey?” kyra asks as she waves to them

you can’t help but roll your eyes “as if. i think she’s wearing red socks though”

kyra snickers and pulls you along, kicking at steph’s feet as she passes “i’m sure she’s having the time of her life”

“piper will make sure of that”

your short conversation is cut short when leah grabs kyra’s shoulders from behind “where’s my partner in crime! i thought she’d be on the pitch with all of us”

you lean your head back against kyra’s arm to look at her “jessie’s got her. they’re sitting in the stands”

leah rolls her eyes playfully and throws an arm over the younger australian, breaking kyra’s hold on you and dragging her into half of a headlock as she continues talking to “make sure she knows where her loyalties lie l/n, we can’t have her becoming a blue”

“she sleeps in her catley jersey before every game day and sings north london forever at the top of her lungs when we get her dressed. she’s gonna be fine” you point at her “but i cannot be at fault if she wears a chelsea jersey to a match, she’s a mama’s girl”

“she’s also auntie ky’s girl” kyra pipes up as she wrestles with leah’s arm “which has to mean something”

kyra breaks out of leah’s hold and slaps her on the forehead before running off laughing. leah surges forward and tires to nab the back of her jersey but misses before calling out to steph to grab her. leah too jogs off, leaving you by yourself for a few moments.

you’re scanning the crowd of supporters when a man standing near the tunnel catches your eye. his arms are crossed tightly over his chest and he’s not got any fan gear on, just a plain grey shirt under a black windbreaker and black jeans. you squint slightly and cock your brow as you try to subtly get a look at him. only when he uncrosses his arms and tucks his hands into his pockets does a lightbulb go off in your head.

your blood runs cold and you speed walk off the pitch, your face set in stone as you approach him. he cocks his head slightly and steps back when you get closer, allowing you to properly look at him for the first time in four years.

his hair is shorter and his eyes still hold the same passiveness they did before. his skin isn’t tanned like it always was when you were teenagers so you guess that he might have been in london for a while. a scowl settles on your face.

“what are you doing here” you harshly whisper whilst dragging him to an area with more cover “you shouldn’t be here”

“y/n” he says placidly

your mouth goes dry at the sound of your name coming out of his mouth, a pit forming in your stomach at how easy it rolls off his tongue.

“you shouldn’t be here” you repeat firmly, looking behind you to make sure none of your teammates are watching.

he tuts “i came here to talk to you”

“at my game and after four years of nothing? i don’t think so” you spit, further backing him into a corner and hiding him away from any prying eyes “i gave you a chance to talk years ago and you told me to fuck off”

“and i shouldn’t have done that” he says calmly “but you didn’t give me much time to think about it before you moved to london”

you can’t help but scoff “didn’t give you much time?, liam, you had a year before i moved! you shut me out”

he throws his arms out and drops his jaw “i didn’t know what else to do i—

“y/n?”

you snap your head around to the new, oh so recognisable voice, and sigh. your face softens at the sight of jessie standing there with a worried expression on her face, her hands reaching for you, and piper no where to be found.

she looks over your shoulder briefly before locking eyes with you “you alright?”

“he was just leaving” you wave off half, your attention now fully on your partner.

“no, actually, we need to talk”

“no, actually, we don’t” you say forcefully, grabbing jessie by the arm and standing in front of her slightly “we have nothing to talk about, you made that very clear when you told me you wanted nothing to do with me when i got pregnant”

liam looks from jessie to you, his brown eyes swirling with desperation “i made a mistake, i was young and stupid and wasn’t ready for a kid”

“and you think i was? you think i was ready to be a mother, to have to potentially end my career?” your grip tightens on jessie’s arm and you feel her hand lay over yours “do you think i was ready to have all my friends shut me out and be completely isolated from everyone i knew? i wasn’t ready but i made a choice, and every single day i make sure that i am the best mother for her that i can be” your voice wavers slightly and you feel jessie’s thumb draw circles on your knuckles.

this isn’t the place to have this conversation. fans are still filtering out of the stands and your teammates are fifty metres away and your girlfriend, your ever loving, kind, worried, girlfriend is standing behind you as you try to get your ex to leave you alone.

you had hoped that him saying that he wanted nothing to do with you or piper would be the end of it. because despite how many times you tried to contact him the first six months of piper’s life, he ignored you. he didn’t want to know you or your baby and it wasn’t fair that he got to show up on a random sunday and try to make amends.

liam looks behind you again and draws his mouth into a thin line, his eyes cold as he refuses to verbally acknowledge jessie “i want to know my daughter. she needs two parents”

the tears that were building behind your eyes disappear and are replaced with white hot fury “she’s got two” you grit out “and a whole lot of family that would do anything for her”

“teammates aren’t family” he stresses to you, his voice now pleading as he tries to convince you of something that isn’t true.

“a teammate is the one who was in the delivery room with me when i gave birth. my teammates were the ones that flew from all over the world to meet her. my teammates have given her more love than you would ever have to offer” you begin to raise your voice as your breathing goes ragged “my teammates, my family, have helped me give her the best life i could ever offer her.” you get right up in his face as jessie holds your arm in a silent plea to not make a scene.

she pulls you slightly and you step back against her. your brows furrow and a frown has settled on your face. you can tell by how she’s holding you that jessie is probably wearing a matching expression. he stands tall and looks down the bridge of his nose at you, apparently unfazed about what you just told him.

“jessie can’t replace her father” liam snapped at you, his brows drawing together.

“there is no father to replace” your face goes rock hard as you try your best to not let your anger simmer over more “and even if there were, she’s done a great fucking job at doing it”

he falters and his eyes go wide in shock. his facade quickly drops and he rushes to pull a piece of paper out of his pocket as you turn your back “y/n— wait, can you just— here’s my number and my address. please just give me a call, i want to know piper”

you reach and snatch the paper out of his hands before pointing at him “you do not get to insult my partner and then turn around and say that you want to know my daughter. jessie is everything to her, absolutely everything, and there is nothing or no one that will ever replace that”

jessie leads you away from him and into the tunnel, rubbing your back up and down as you hold back tears. you stop for a moment once you’re far enough down and lean on the wall “piper?” you question quietly.

“with leah and manu” the canadian answers softly “are you okay?”

you look up just as your hands start to shake. tears cloud your vision “he shouldn’t be here”

“i know”

“he gave me nothing when i got pregnant” you stress to her, your voice cracking “he told me that he didn’t want to be apart of our baby’s life and then told me to fuck off when i told him she had been born” you cry to her “jessie he didn’t even want to know her name”

jessie‘a face twists into a scowl and her hands flex by her side before pulling you in by your shoulders. you cry into her shoulder softly as she twirls her fingers through your ponytail and holds the back of your neck “do you wanna go home and talk about it? we can see if leah will take piper for the night”

you nod and pull yourself off of her, wiping your tears with the heel of your palm “let me just go get my stuff and talk to leah”

jessie swipes her thumb under your eye and nods, watching you go into the change rooms.

“mummy!” piper yells, standing up on katie’s cubby “you played so good!” she praises, reaching her arms up and wrapping her legs right around your waist.

“thank you baby” you reply, kissing her on the forehead. you set her down again and walk to leah who’s packing the last of her things in her bag.

“can you take piper tonight? i know this is so last minute, and it’s alright if you can’t, but jessie and i need to sort some things out”

leah looks over her shoulder and frowns slightly “of course, are you okay?”

you nod and plaster a fake smile onto your face “yeah i’m all good”

if leah notices your clipped tone she doesn’t say anything about it. she hands piper her backpack to put on as she puts her toiletries bag in her own backpack.

you lean down to be at your daughter’s eye level “you’re gonna stay with auntie leah tonight okay?”

“but what about ice cream!” piper pouts cutely. you sigh and brush her check affectionately.

“i’m sure if you ask nicely leah will take you”

piper immediately turns and pulls on the hem of leah’s shorts “leah” she draws “can we please get ice cream?”

leah smiles down at her and pats her head affectionately “of course we can. i’ll even get you a double scoop”

piper’s eyes brighten and she claps with glee, her little buns bouncing as she rapidly nods her head. she turns to you again and wraps her arms around her neck “bye mummy, be good”

you scrunch your nose as she pulls away “you be good” you tap the tip of her nose before standing, now looking at leah “if you need anything just let me know and i’ll drop it over”

leah winks and waves you off, allowing you to quickly go to your own cubby and grab your things. you skip a shower and push the door to the dressing room open, speed walking to get back to jessie.

she’s leaning against the wall with one hand in her pocket whilst she scrolls on her phone, her cap low on her head. when she hears your cleats on the concrete she turns to you “ready?”

you hum and nod affirmatively and let jessie take your bag off your hands and sling it over her shoulder. the two of you walk out to her car in silence, the only sound surrounding you being the rushed, rhythmic sound of your cleats on gravel and the afternoon breeze that’s blowing past your ears.

the car ride is silent as well. you keep thinking about the interaction over and over again whilst jessie drives, stealing glances at you every so often. the tension in the car is thick but you’re too in your head to notice it.

you’re on autopilot from the moment jessie pulls up to the moment you finally strip yourself of your kit and get in the shower. the steam encapsulates you, allowing you to feel like you can finally breathe. this shouldn’t be how your afternoon goes. normally after a win you’d celebrate with the girls in the dressing room and then take piper for ice cream, not stand in the shower on the verge of tears after your ex decided to show up to a game.

you feel horrible. not only had you caused a scene, but you had done it in front of jessie. all she was doing was coming to check on you and she got insulted by the man who couldn’t look at you after you told him you were a lesbian. it made your gut swirl.

beads of water run hot down your back as you finally break, choked sobs escape your throat and tears fall down your face uncontrollably. you can’t even bring yourself to care that you’re not alone in the house, you just need to get everything that’s built up out.

when you turn off the water you’re still crying but make the attempt to dry your face with the towel. as you get dressed you still sniffle, not being able to get the image of your twenty year old pregnant self out of your head.

it was fucked up. so, so unbelievably fucked up that someone who was barely an adult, who was still figuring out who they were, had to care for a baby. you wouldn’t change it for the world, but that doesn’t mean that you deserved to get tossed aside during the most vulnerable time of your life the way you did.

hanging your head, you lean on the counter and cry harder, completely missing the knocking on the door. you aren’t even aware that jessie had come to check on you until her arms are wrapped around your body, one hand coming up to cradle your head comfortingly.

you drop your weight into her arms “it’s not fair!” you wail “he can’t do this to me! he can’t fucking do this to me!”

jessie coos in your ear “i know. i know, he can’t. he doesn’t have that right”

“he left me, h-he left me when i needed support the most!” you choke, standing up to wipe your eyes “steph was the only person in the delivery room with me when it should’ve been him! ellie, and mackenzie, and alanna, and lydia were outside waiting to meet her, not him! sam got on the first flight out when she heard that i was in the hospital. how dare he say that my teammates aren’t my family when they were all i had”

jessie’s jaw drops as you tell her this. she knew that your national teammates were there for piper’s first moments, and you had said in passing that one of them was in the delivery room with you, but she had no idea that steph was the only one with you.

“and then he says that she doesn’t have two parents, are you fucking kidding me!”

wrapping her arms around you securely, jessie guides you to sit on the toilet and catch your breath. you sob into her neck as she squeezes you, trying to make you feel as secure as she can.

she’d never felt hatred like this before. hot fury courses through her like lava and completely overtakes her body. there were a few things that you hadn’t told her about your ex, and she never pushed you or asked questions. she knew your feelings towards him and how he treated you when the two of you initially broke up, but she had no idea how seeing him again would affect you.

she kind of wishes she didn’t hold you back when she did.

you lift your head from her neck “i don’t want to see him. he can’t meet piper, i won’t put her in that position” you determine “i don’t want her confused when she has you, it wouldn’t be fair to either of you”

the canadian nods “okay” she says firmly “it wont happen”

#woso #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso fic #jessie fleming #jessie fleming x reader #jessie fleming imagine #jessie fleming fic #jessie fleming angst #jflemings writes #jflemings woso

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fillthisghosttownupwithlife · 4 months

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WERE YOU SENT BY SOMEONE WHO WANTED ME DEAD? DID YOU SLEEP WITH A GUN UNDERNEATH OUR BED? WERE YOU WRITING A BOOK? WERE YOU A SLEEPER CELL SPY? IN FIFTY YEARS WILL THIS ALL BE DECLASSIFIED? AND YOU CONFESS WHY YOU DID IT. AND I'LL SAY "GOOD RIDDANCE!" CAUSE IT WASN'T SEXY ONCE IT WASN'T FORBIDDEN. I WOULD'VE DIED FOR YOUR SINS INSTEAD I JUST DIED INSIDE. AND YOU DESERVE PRISON BUT YOU WON'T GET TIME. YOU'LL SLIDE INTO INBOXES AND SLIP THROUGH THE BARS. YOU CRASHED MY PARTY AND YOUR RENTAL CARS. YOU SAID NORMAL GIRLS WERE BORING BUT YOU WERE GONE BY THE MORNING. YOU KICKED OUT THE STAGE LIGHTS BUT YOU'RE STILL PERFORMING. AND IN PLAIN SIGHT YOU HID. BUT YOU ARE WHAT YOU DID. AND I'LL FORGET YOU BUT I'LL NEVER FORGIVE THE SMALLEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED.

#taylor swift #ttpd #the tortured poets department #the smallest man who ever lived #i don't agree with this album but this bridge is the new illicit affairs bridge tbh. screaming it live would fix something in me

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with-my-calamitous-love · 4 months

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WHO’S GONNA KNOW YOU LIKE ME?

bsd, various x reader

what heartbreak feels like with each of them

angst, uses bridges from the tortured poets department

THOUGHT OF CALLIN’ YA, BUT YOU WONT PICK UP…

chuuya knows he’s fucked up. he knows he can’t get back what he let go, that he’s already made his bed. but fuck, it hurts. but he refuses to let you know that because thats who he is. and your left seeing him everywhere- the dresses in the store windows, the puddles of rain on concrete, remnants of him in your shower and on your bed- memories of him embedded in your head and under your skin. marks from his passion left on your collarbone, his fingerprints still all over your heart. he claimed what was his forever and then left. and he knows that.

some nights you think of calling him, but sculpted a brick wall between you and the phone, cementing each brick together with your hurt. little do you know, chuuya thinks of calling you too, but he knows you won’t pick up.

THAT’S THE CLOSEST I’VE COME TO MY HEART EXPLODING…

atsushi simply couldn’t bare the thought of not being good enough for you. so he let things go before his heart could sink with the wreckage. he couldn’t handle anymore hurt after all thats happened- but he doesn’t know that he left that hurt with you instead. the anger, the confusion, the turmoil etches itself in your chest and tears through your ribs when you cry out alone. it wasn’t fair for him to leave the job of detective to you, to pick up the clues of your lost love and attempt to etch together a messy explanation. he said he didn’t want to hurt you. funny.

the biggest thing you’re left wondering is why? why did sweetest, most loving guy leave without a word? why did he do it so fast, so quickly, at the stroke of grace? why did the same hands that once handled your heart so delicately set it on fire and leave it to implode?

I WISH I COULD UN-RECALL HOW WE ALMOST HAD IT ALL…

there was no doubt in your mind that odasaku loved you. he loved you with every fibre of his being. he held you to his chest as close as possible. he laughed with you because only you could pull out the genuine joy and smiles from his soul. he danced with you in the living room to your favourite songs, swaying back in fourth with you barefoot on the ground. he kissed you like his lips were especially crafted to be pressed against you, your lips, your skin and your hands.

it’s all past-tense.

DID YOU SLEEP WITH A GUN UNDERNEATH OUR BED…

tachihara burned down every foundation of trust and security in your being. he was the most loyal and loving person you had ever met, one that promised his whole life and soul to be with you. you knew each other like no other, or so you thought. you learned about his betrayal, not just to you but to everyone. and all of a sudden, everything you knew came crashing down. the memories, the love, the loyalty- you had no idea what it was now. you scrubbed your body in the shower and washed the sheets over and over again- trying to get him off of you. you laid in the bed he once shared with you and wondered if you were just another step in his scheme.

was this planned? did he plan to break your heart? was crushing every single thing you’ve ever loved just another ruse? the only thing you knew was that you loved him.

HOW DARE YOU THINK ITS ROMANTIC LEAVING ME SAFE AND STRANDED…

kunikida wanted everything to stick to his ideals. he wanted to break your heart as softly and as kindly as he possibly could. he wanted to cushion your fall, to let you down assured. and he did just that. he left you safe, he left with you with a full explanation. he told you that he wanted you to move on without him, to live a bright beautiful life and be as happy as you possibly could. because kunikida knows that thats what you deserve.

but he was supposed to be there. thats all you can think as your stranded on your safe sanctuary that he left you on. he stranded you on an island with all you needed to survive- yet all you could think was the fact that he had actually left. it wasn’t supposed to end this way. you knew why. he explained everything to you. but the tears that rolled down your cheeks explained otherwise.

AND HIRE A PRIEST TO COME AND EXORCISE MY DEMONS…

the worst heartbreak of your entire life belonged to osamu dazai. you can still hear the screams, the cries that went down with the ship from that night. you can still feel his hands on your body, holding you to him while for the first time you saw him cry. you can still hear the shattering of the things you threw at him, telling him to get out but also not wanting him to leave. you remember the smell of him all over you, on your bed, your clothes, but also in your hair and even on your own skin. he haunted this place. his heart was still beating, lungs still breathing but osamu dazai died in your house. he died and his soul now haunts the place day and night, leaving no trace of your space untouched. it was a cruel goodbye.

osamu dazai died screaming. and now you wanted to as well.

I WONT CONFESS THAT I WAITED, BUT I LET THE LAMP BURN…

you held on to the idea that akutagawa would one day be ready for you. that he would set aside his grievances, his turmoil, the hurt in his lungs and the pain in his coat. you waited, and waited, and waited. waited for him to show up at your doorstep and embrace you, love you like you knew he could. you watched as the lamp flickered, as your skin wrinkled, as your hair turned grey and as the night sky watched over you for years. you should gave closed the window, turned out the light and slept. but you waited. you waited and hope that akutagawa would return. that he would one day love you like you loved him.

as you looked out to the stars, you prayed that he’d forgive you as you blew out the candle.

chuuya n. - fortnight

atsushi n. - the tortured poets department (tt)

sakunosuke o. - loml

michizou t. - the smallest man who ever lived

doppo k. - down bad

osamu d. - the black dog

ryunosuke a. - peter

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