#DO ANY OF YOU REALIZE HOW HARD IT IS TO GET A FUCKING SCREENSHOT OF THAT SCENE FROM 5x18. FOR REAL

[whateverloomis]

I freaking deleted the ask accidentally but luckily had taken a screenshot of it 😩🥲

Anywho, Stu is a little freak, we all know this 🙈😈 I hope I delivered anon 🫡

Warnings: Spit kink (it could be gross for some,) rough sex, unprotected sex, semi-public sex, mention of Billy wanting to fxck with reader (I'm sorry, I'm a slut for Billy, I have to include him somehow 💀,) slight degradation, oral (reader receiving,) cum eating. Revised June'24

Reader: AFAB, no pronouns used.

Masterlist <33

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"Fuck, I couldn't wait any longer." Stu whispered...

He hadn’t seen you that day until after the curfew was announced. It was when he walked in the video store that he did. Stu started talking to Randy, who ranted about his stupid theories related to the ghostface killings, but Stu got distracted the second you walked in. He followed you with his eyes as you were approaching the horror section, and he was sure Billy was going to approach you the minute the boy saw you, but he wasn’t going to allow it. He had been wanting to fuck you good since the last time you were at his house, which hadn't been that long ago. Five days, to be exact.

Before his best friend had the chance to talk to you, (and most likely use his charm to try to get his way with you, again,) Stu hugged you from behind and bit your neck lightly; “Hey babe, missed ya.” he said, loud enough for you to hear.

"What d'you want?" You asked teasingly, knowing damn well he wasn't being casual.

"Mm I just miss you baby... And I wanna show you how much I do." He said and walked you towards the "employees only" door which led to the back of the store. A small warehouse filled with a bunch of movies to restock.

It wasn't the first time you guys had snuck back there to fuck. Nobody walked in there until closing time, so it was perfect for a quickie.

Stu didn't waste time and picked you up over his shoulder, sitting you on a table. All the movie boxes that were placed neatly on the surface fell as he pulled you towards him by your waist and kissed you roughly. It was messy. Your tongues slid against each other and you bit his lower lip occasionally, making him growl and dig his finger nails on the flesh of your thighs.

"Fuck, you're so hot." He whispered and ground his crotch between your legs, his hard cock grazing against your center roughly, eliciting pleasure with every hump.

Stu licked your neck and bit the flesh just enough to send little bolts of pleasure and tingles all over your body.

He didn't waste time and pulled your pants down roughly. Sucking his fingers and covering them with saliva, the boy slid his hand between your legs and rubbed your clit in circular motion. He felt the little patch of hair on your mound and chuckled. He loved it when you didn't shave, it drove him crazy.

At the realization he moved between your legs and buried his face on your cunt, licking and sucking your clit with his expert tongue. He moaned against you, savoring every inch of your pussy. "You taste so fucking good," Stu said and moved his hand between your legs, inserting two fingers in your needy hole.

His mouth and fingers fucking you created obscene sounds that echoed around the room. You were so soaked that the squelch was louder than usual. Combined with the licking and sucking, it sounded like a wild animal was eating you whole.

Stu sucked on your thighs occasionally, leaving little bruises on your skin. The slight pain felt delicious as he finger fucked you like there was no tomorrow.

"Fuck, yes, mm I'm close..." You whimpered pathetically and Stu chuckled at how needy you were for him.

At your admission, he disconnected from your center and pulled a string of saliva with his lips. Stu collected the fluid on his fingers and spread it over your pussy, using it as extra lubricant.

He hovered over you again and spread your legs, pulling his cock out of his pants quickly and rubbing the tip up and down your pussy, spreading your juices and coating his length. Stu spit on his hand and pumped his cock a few times to get his length as wet as possible before pushing every inch inside you, sliding all the way in. You swore you felt him hit the end of your pussy hole and he wasn't even all the way in.

"Fuck... You feel so fucking good around my cock," Stu said before pounding into you. Both of you breathed heavily and moaned as quietly as you could.

You pulled his hair and held on to his shoulders, leaving scratch marks on his soft skin. Stu growled at the feeling and attacked your neck with kisses and little bites. He sucked on the flesh just like he did on your thighs and left little bruises that ran down your collar bone.

He grabbed your tits, waist, thighs... Anywhere he could get his hands on.

"Mm fuck, I'm gonna fill you up good." He said and every word drove you closer to your release.

You snaked your hand between your bodies and rubbed your clit while Stu furiously fucked you. You squeezed his length deliciously and he grew impossibly hard inside you.

Not long after you came around his length, biting his shoulder to keep yourself from practically screaming. A few seconds after, Stu filled you up with his seed, but he wasn't done yet. The boy made sure to clean his mess up with his mouth, lapping at your hole to collect both of your fluids until you were clean.

"We're so hot," he said and you let out a breathy laugh, "Yes we are."

[ponderingmoonlight]

Lies in the dark

Pairing: boyfriend!Gojo x reader

Word Count: 3,8k

Synopsis: You received pictures of Satoru cheating on you, his longtime girlfriend, with other women. Completely heartbroken you leave him without hearing his side of the story. After weeks of drowning yourself in alcohol, the two of you meet again at Jujutsu High.

Warnings: cheating, language, use of alcohol/drugs, hurt

Your foot tabs against the floor while you wait for his puny figure to arrive in the doorframe. By now it’s far after midnight, actually you are dead tired from all the crying and thinking. But this can’t wait.

“Oh, what a pleasant surprise! I didn’t expect you to be awake this late!”

There he stands, casually taking off his blindfold while blessing you with his best cheeky grin. Satoru’s sight alone makes your gut twist in anger and disgust. He really has some nerves to welcome you like that after all he has done.

“You’re pretty late.”

Your voice sounds so cold that Gojo’s blood freezes in his veins. His smile is washed away in an instant, he has never seen you like this. Has something happened? Are you upset for some reason?

“Why do you look like someone died? I’m home, sweet thing!”

Your emotionless eyes glare at him through the darkness of the apartment. Damn, how could you fall for him and his stupid little game? Did you really believe him when he told you that you are the only one, the one and only woman in his life? Fuck, you were so dumb. Too stupid to realize that it isn’t work that makes him come home this late at night. Your mind is numb to the feeling of being betrayed, it isn’t the first time that you get screwed. But you thought that Satoru is somehow different, that he values your feeling more. Well, so much for that.

“Maybe you’re so late because you were with her, huh?”

He glances at you like he has to think about your words, eyebrows narrowed.

“Who do you mean exactly? Mei is out of town. Oh, I visited Shoko because she patched a student back together, but that was in the afternoon. Or was it? I don’t remember exactly…“

Enough of that bullshit. You don’t offer him any more words, instead you just throw your phone at him. The phone that reveals countless messages about meetings, fucking and mocking with other women, pictures of him caressing their basic faces in the way you knew all too well, giving them the affection late at night that you craved so much. And then the words of the woman that called you earlier…

“When he called me sweet thing I thought I was the only one for him until I saw you two on the streets the other day. He never mentioned he had a girlfriend!”

“I began investigating and as it seems, he had a thing with many other women as well. I’ll send you screenshots of every conversation we’ve had the last couple months.”

Sweet thing. The thought of him using your nickname for other woman makes you want to break down and cry. But even though your heart is shattered into a million little pieces, you refuse to gift him a single tear. No, he doesn’t deserve your agony. He doesn’t deserve to see the feelings you have for him. Instead, you just stare at him with blank eyes while sitting in your chair and watching his blue orbs widen in shock.

“(y/n)”, he breathes out, gaze wandering from the screen to you.

“Let me explain-“

“No need to explain anything. I don’t care about how much I liked you and wished this wasn’t true. I told you I’ll leave you alone if you make me feel this way. And I’m fucking leaving, Gojo. Don’t you dare follow me. Y’know, I’m not your backup plan, good luck with whatever you got going on.”

With a swift motion, you lift yourself off the chair and grab your already packed suitcase.

“You can’t leave without hearing my side! I never cheated on yo-“

“Might be true that there’s always two sides to a story. Fuck your weak ass side tho. I’m done here.”

Heels clicking against the hard floor underneath your feet, you confidently cross the room and expand yourself in front of him. Satoru’s huge frame blocks the door, you can’t just get past him. But you need to get out of this apartment filled with dreadful memories and your shattered hopes as soon as possible before you have a complete breakdown.

“I’m serious Gojo.”

“It’s baby for you.”

“Bet she calls you that too. Get away from the door, we are done.”

“(y/n), hear me out”, his form moves towards you, like a predator approaching its prey.

No, you can’t. You don’t want him to get that close to you. You can’t stand him near you.

“Stay away from me”, you choke out, arms wrapped around yourself in a desperate attempt to console your own aching heart.

“I loved you for 8 years, 8 fucking years Satoru! I gave you everything I had and you trampled on that by fucking another woman so basic that I want to throw up. I have nothing more to say to you, it’s enough that I have to endure the sight of you at every damn meeting of jujutsu sorcerers. Now get.out.of.the.way.”

Your cruel words make even Satoru’s heart jump in agony, his shaky breath fills the air. Do you really want to break up with him without giving him the chance to explain himself? He has so much to say, so much to clarify. Fuck, he could end all this madness and your suffering. But it doesn’t matter. He has no choice but to let you go for the moment. Satoru knows you well enough to be aware of the fact that you won’t listen to him in your wrath, always suborn and confident. Apart from that, he himself has no idea who sent these messages to you and where these pictures come from. He has to investigate the matter first before he can face you again. As much as his whole body struggles against it, he takes a step to the side in order to let you go for the moment.

“I love you with all my heart and I’ll do anything to prove that you are the only one for me.”

Boom.

You close the door behind you noisily. Enough of that lying. You stumble into the fresh air of the night, tears pooling your eyes and taking away your sight. Get a hotel, take a hot shower, turn off your phone. Get over the fact that your boyfriend of 8 fucking years cheated on you, get over the fact that your relationship ended in the foulest way. God, it hurts so bad that you want to break down in the middle of the street, your numb limbs still in shock. But you need to get going. After all, you are a grade 1 sorcerer, everyone counts on your abilities. And a man who doesn’t value you shouldn’t be the reason you forget yourself and your aspiration. _________________________________________________________

Hey girl, need a ride to Jujutsu High? Meeting up in 15 min

You sign at the message of Mei on your phone. It’s been three weeks. Three weeks without seeing Satoru’s cheating face, three weeks in which he called you at least 10 times a day, three weeks of constant crying in the pillows of random hotels and filling yourself up with alcohol at clubs around the town. You feel like crap and look even worse from time to time. But today, you have to get yourself together. For the sake of your job, for the other people you care about like Mei and Nanami. Do all of them know what happened? Probably not, you only told Mei about it and Satoru would hardly admit that he cheated on you multiple times.

Do I really have to?

Your white uniform lies untouched in your suitcase, memories of last mission flood your mind. You were with him, laughing, playing, clapping the asses of multiple curses all at once. Everything was fine, everything was great. Life can change so quickly.

Of course you have to, dumbass.

But you have no other choice. With trembling fingers, you put on the white dress with long sleeves and cut outs that emphasize your curves so well and caught the attention of Satoru first. It fits a little looser than usual. Well, given the fact that you mostly live on drinks that’s no surprise. You put on your round sunglasses to hide the dark circles under your eyes which can be no longer covered by makeup and brush through your hair a few times. Admittedly, you look better than the last few weeks, but definitely worse than usual.

Your cream colored heels click against the marble floor of the hotel lobby as you walk outside, Mei’s car already waiting for you.

“You look better than I thought”, she comments when you sit beside her.

“Thanks I guess, gold digger.”

She gives you a small smile before her eyes get serious again.

“I’m here for you today, ‘kay? Might hire someone who kills him though…”

“You would spend money for me? Damn, you must really like me Mei”, you remark sarcastically.

“I’d do anything for you girl. Let’s get this over with, huh?”

The journey goes by far too quickly for your taste, fingertips already shaking at the thought of seeing his stupid pretty face again. What was he doing all this time? Your gut twists in agony. Probably went out with his other women, what else? Do you seriously think he missed you? That breakup doubtless hurt you ten times more than him. His face will wear the same stupid grin as always, his words will sound just as irresponsible as usual. Everything stays the same. Except for the fact that you aren’t by his side anymore.

“God, since when is this ass so punctual”, Mei hisses.

And there he stand, wearing his sunglasses and uniform, leaned against the doorframe while he probably drives Utahime mad with his mocking. Suddenly you are out of breath, lungs refusing their service as your eyes fill with salty tears again. No, you can’t cry now. You were so cool when you left him. He doesn’t deserve your tears or to see your pain. His cheating ass isn’t worth your throbbing.

“Keep it cool”, Mei speaks out with low voice.

Yes, you need to keep it cool. Straighten your back, swing your hips, show him that you don’t care about him at all.

“What’s up everyone”, you snort out, hand resting against your hips while eyeing everyone except Satoru.

“Wow, you’re early. Since when do you come on time?”, Nanami dryly responses.

“Why so rude, Kento? I thought you’d be happy to see me again, we are best friends since school after all!”

“You are a pain in the ass, (y/n).”

Fuck, you can feel his eyes almost eating you up. Your cheeks begin to burn just by the thought of it.

“Are you alright, (y/n)? You look a little thinner than last time”, Utahime comments, turning away from Satoru.

You swallow hard, panic rises inside your chest. For the first time, you don’t want everyone’s attention on you. Come on, just that meeting. An hour and you’re rid of him, an hour and you’re holed up in a random club again.

“You’d lose some weight too if you were me, Utahime. Now stop looking at my perfect ass and get going.”

Your remark catches everyone off guard, especially Satoru and his guilty conscience. For your standards, you look absolutely horrible and your answers have lost their bite. You are just the shell of yourself that slightly smells like alcohol.

“Hey, if there’s something going on…You know we can talk, right?”, Nanami discretely murmurs into your ear, worry lines draw his face.

“Thanks man, I don’t need anybody but myself though.”

And with that, you turn on your heels and walk through the door. Away from his hungry sight, away from their annoying questions. One damn meeting to get over with. One.damn.meeting.

“You look like shit”, Masamichi notes dryly while watching you sit down.

“Stop being so fucking annoying or I’ll quit”, you bark back, glaring at him through the shade of your glasses.

“What’s up your ass, (y/n)? You’re annoying as hell, but in another way. Are you alright?”

You can’t take it anymore. All the questions and fucking looks. As if the slight change of your appearance is the only thing that’s interesting at the moment. Yeah, you are as fine as you can be, on the brick of tears, mind racing just by the thought of Satoru looking your direction, let alone talk to you. But that’s none of anyone’s business. If you have to repeat one more time what happened a few weeks ago you’ll probably break down.

“Stop asking questions and get this meeting over with, I’m not payed enough to be here”, Mei interrupts and positions herself beside you.

It’s all a blur. The words that come out of his mouth seem to fade away before hitting your ear. All you can think about is Satoru who sits towards you, eyes darted on your figure. You don’t have to look at him to be aware of the fact that he is eyeing you up and down, waiting for a chance to talk to you.

Over the last couple of weeks, he tried to call you multiple times, not scared by the fact that you blocked him on every possible communication way the slightest. Why does he have to keep rubbing salt in the wound? The moment your phone rings and his name appears on the screen, you relive the fateful moment of realization over and over again, imagining him fucking another woman mercilessly while you sit at home and wait for him to come back. You know that you are too good for that, that the best thing you could do was leaving his cheating ass as soon as possible. But in your lonely nights when returning from a random club after talking to random strangers you find yourself lying in bed and cry your heart out over the relationship you thought was the best thing that could have happened to you.

“(y/n)?”

“Ayo, you there?”, Mei murmurs into your ear and punches your arms slightly.

You have to blink the pain away, still consumed by Gojo’s presence. Your heart skips a beat. Was someone talking to you?

“I just wish I was somewhere else”, you mutter, eyes directed to the ground.

Fuck, you feel like crying all over again. Why does it have to hurt this bad? Why does he have to be here, eying you up and down as if you were his prey? Why did he have to cheat on you and destroy the live you built together? All of that isn’t fair. You shouldn’t be sitting here, running on drinks with a few hours of sleep a week and a bleeding heart while he seems to be just fine. Your conscience shouldn’t weigh on you when you’re talking to a guy while Satoru is fucking his way through the world.

“(y/n)?”

Your name out of his sinful mouth makes your gut turn in disgust, you feel like throwing up.

“Get my name out of your dirty mouth”, you jeer at him, eyes yanking up to notice that he’s already staring at you with his face all serious.

You can’t take it anymore. With shaky legs you lift yourself up, leaving the room with fast steps. The tears in your eyes start to burn their way through your face and take your sight completely. After all, maybe you aren’t strong enough to simply get over his betrayal. God, you loved Satoru with all your heart. In all these years there was never another guy you even found attractive. You were so loyal, in love and fucking dumb. Too dumb to realize that he in fact does seem to think that you are replaceable.

“Get your ass back in, Gojo. I dare you!”, Mei’s voice threatens from afar.

“(y/n), please hear me out. Give me a chance to explain!”

No, no, no. You can’t bare him near you, let alone hearing your name out of his mouth. You need to leave and never return.

“(y/n)!”

You feel his grip around your left wrist, his touch burning like acid on your highly sensitive skin. God, how often you longed for his touch, to feel his tender fingertips one last time. But this is not right. The thought of his hands caressing you after fondling with other woman makes you want to vomit and burn alive.

“Get your dirty hands off me!”, you cry out, other hand slapping against his cheek at high tempo.

His infinity doesn’t stop your fist from hitting his face with full force. You stare at his motionless figure, breath hanging heavy between the both of you.

“Please, give me a minute to explain. The last few weeks were absolute hell for me and I’ve been dying to see you today.”

Hot tears swell up your eyes once more while agony seems to consume you all over again. Hell for him? What about you? The constant feeling of not being enough, the questions lingering your mind how long this has been going on behind your back, the endless waterfall of tears, not being able to drink enough to forget him.

“You have to be kidding. Tell me you’re not serious about that bullshit. Hell for you? You fucking ripped be apart, Satoru! You throw our life away for sex with a few young chicks! You have no right to be sad about anything!”, you scream on top of your lungs, fighting desperately to escape his scorching touch around your wrist.

“I didn’t cheat on you, (y/n)! I-“

“So I’ve been imagining these pictures of you on top of that slut and the countless messages? Stop this shit right now! You’ve done enough. You-“

“Listen to me, damn it!”, he yells, ruffling his messy hair.

Why? Why does he have to keep rubbing salt in your already throbbing wound? Everything was just fine, you two were inseparable. What about growing old together? What about building a live together? All that, gone in the wind. Just because he decided to fuck someone else.

“The man you see on these pictures isn’t me, I don’t know these women, (y/n). I began to investigate. The man you see is a cursed spirit, a damn strong one that is able to take on the appearance of other living being, including my handsome self. I wish I could tell you why, I wish I could tell you who the hell that woman is. We assume that someone wants to set you off against me so that we both get vulnerable.”

He tears the blindfold from his face, revealing tears that glister in his glossy eyes. Your heart sinks, all you can do is stare at him in a desperate attempt to understand what he’s saying. Can it…be true?

“We?”

“Nanami helped me out. He knows this technical stuff better than I do. (y/n), I would never hurt you like that, not in a million years. You mean everything to me, it kills me to see you hurt like that, even though I absolutely understand why you believed in all of this and didn’t wanna talk with me. Just please, I’m begging on my knees if I have to, give me a chance to find out more about this madness and trust me with this one.”

You don’t know what is happening to you, it feels like you’re going to puke. Is this really true? Did he in fact not cheat on you with these women? His explanation sounds plausible and the shimmer in his eyes tells you that he’s not lying. Satoru was always bad at not telling the truth, his pupils always widen. Not right now though.

You want to collapse on the floor, your head seems to weight a ton from all these emotions, thoughts and possibilities.

“Why didn’t you tell me right from the start?”, you blurt out, voice coated in anger.

“Would you have really listened to me if I had no evidence? I took photos with that thing and couldn’t hold myself back from killing that fucker. Nanami was with me. Please, (y/n). Please believe me.”

You take in the pictures, how there seems to be two Gojo’s in each one. Fuck, fuck, fuck. This is all too much. You don’t know what to think or feel. Is this true? Is there really something like a spark of hope left for your relationship?

“No”, you confirm.

You close your eyes for a moment to organize your thoughts and calm your breathing. All this time, Satoru never showed any interest in other woman, he doesn’t even stay in contact with Mei or Shoko regularly. He has no problem with you using your phone to write messages to Nanami or Yuji when he’s busy with something else. No, since you’ve known him, there was never a cause for concern. Satoru tells you over and over again how much he loves you, sometimes you even thought that he might be obsessed with you.

Maybe he didn’t cheat, maybe he did. But doesn’t your longtime boyfriend deserve a trust bonus, a chance to show you that nothing ever happened between him and these women?

When you open your eyes again, they are pooled by tears. Since that dreadful evening, you never allowed yourself to miss, let alone think about him. You tried to drown your feelings in alcohol and drugs. But now he’s standing in front of you, everything could be fine, all of this could be nothing but a failed attempt to separate the two of you. Deep within, you always hoped for it to be a nightmare, a stupid misunderstanding. Is that all it is?

“I-I thought I’ve l-lost you forever”, you stutter.

He doesn’t hesitate. In an instant he pulls you into his arms, presses your body against his beating heart and trembling frame. God, how much you missed getting lost in his warm embrace, to feel his breath brush against your ears. Just now you realize how much it killed you to be away from him.

“Can’t imagine how much I missed you. The thought of losing you…”, his voice breaks and so does your heart.

“I love you Satoru. I love you more than anything else.”

You get lost against his lips, put all the grief of the last weeks into this one kiss.

“Let’s get home, shall we?”, he whispers against your lips.

“Home. Yeah, that sounds pretty good…”

[detectivebambam]

@zerokrox-blog this got out of hand btw

How Keverejeandreil Got Together

obviously we start with Andreil. they've been together the longest. no surprise there, so that's step one

let's head over to USC. Jean and Jeremy are talking about Kevin and are a little tipsy and they end up kissing. PAUSE ✋

back to Palmetto. Andrew and Kevin are Juniors now, Neil is a Sophomore. around second semester Kevin is so damn exhausted that he falls asleep on Andrew. now they've been known to snuggle, but they definitely don't do that. Andrew realizes that his feelings for Kevin from his Freshman year never actually went away. the next day, he talks to Neil about it. Neil goes "if I was to date anyone else, it'd probably be Kevin or Jean". Andrew is like wait hold up, Jean is hot asf. so they talk about Jean and Kevin and how they want to dick them down etc. etc. FAST FORWARD.

now it's Kevin, Jean, and Andrew's Senior year. Jeremy is away on a pro team, and while they technically never started dating after the kiss (or even talked about it), Jean is still lonely. that's his partner, and while he's healed more since the beginning, he's still on edge. so Andrew, Neil, and Kevin fly Jean over to Palmetto for winter break. and, well.... stuff happens. Neil gets to watch Andrew put his mouth to work on someone else and realizes he quite likes it. Neil makes out with Kevin and Jean but doesn't go any further with them. Jean goes home.

and realizes that Jeremy wanted to surprise him and come back for winter break. whoops. Jeremy smiles and says he's glad Jean is making friends (Jean didn't tell him what they got up to), and he has to go back to the Pro team now. he says Jean don't worry I had a great time with my friends here, it's okay. but Jean is like no I'm gonna miss you, kisses him again, they fuck. back to Palmetto.

Kevi joins Andreil. now we have Kandreil. second step complete. Kevin gets a text from both Jeremy and Jean saying they have feelings for the other man. he makes a group chat, sends the screenshots of the messages, and leaves the group chat.

Jerejean get together. 3rd step complete.

NOW IT GETS FUN.

Andrew is very gay and very horny. caves at the sight of a single ab. Kevin is emotional, just came to terms with being bi, allowing himself to be attracted to men, and realizes the same thing Andrew did. all four of these men are hot as fuck. (Jean and Jereny came to the realization a long time ago. Andrew was Jeremy's first Exy crush)

and they're all on the same Olympic team (2010). and they're all rooming together. so. they start with truth or dare. then it escalates to spin the bottle. and then escalates from there. by the time they leave the Olympics, they have a group chat jokingly (?) named "The Polycule"

they're not on the same Pro teams, so yk, it's hard. they all visit Neil during his college breaks, but for the most part they're across the country from each other.

until 2012. Neil immediately signed to Andrew's team when he graduated, Jean is on Jeremy's team, Kevin is alone and feels bad. he doesn't want to transfer just for dick though. Andrew and Neil love Colorado. Jean and Jeremy realize the pro team they're on is incredibly homophobic and can't deal with it anymore. they go "fuck you, you lost your two best players" and transfer to Kevin's team. they live with Kevin because it's easier that way. Kevin has fucked them both of course, but he's not dating them in the same way he's dating Andreil. so he calls them and he's like "babes, would it be cheating if I dated these two during the season, and dated you two in the off season?"

Andrew and Neil are confused but down, so Kevin dates Jerejean in season and Andreil out of season. step 4 ✔️

2014 Olympics time. they're all 110% chill with sharing Kevin, and things are great. they fuck again, but then Jean and Andrew are like.... making out. and not because they're horny either. so they all decide they can be long distance boyfriends. step 5 complete, Keverejeandreil Polycule complete

but long distance is frustrating

UNTIL

the Utah Pro team puts a bomb ass trade offer for Kevin, Jeremy, and Jean (it's fiction i can do what I want). and because Neil and Andrew's house is right on the border of Utah and Colorado, they all move in together.

Keverejeandreil 💕

sorry this got so long

[lemongizumo]

I didn’t want to make any public posts about what’s been happening in the past days in our fandom because of my health issues. Some of you know, mostly people I consider my friends now, others because I was offering emergency commissions to solve hospital and treatment costs, but my health isn’t that good lately and the level of drama, intensity and everything around this topic was affecting me. Still is a bit. However, after everything that has come out, so many similar experiences, so many people being manipulated, hurt and damaged because of this one individual who I considered my friend, I can’t remain silent anymore. I just can’t. I’m still shocked and feeling so many emotions, from sadness to concern, from disappointment to anger. Even guilty for not realizing how disgusting this person was. It’s unbelievable.

I won’t go into any details, those involved know everything that needs to be known. I will not share screenshots either but there are plenty to prove what this person tried to do until the end and how many people she damaged.

I became her friend months ago, around August/September of last year. I considered her a real friend, a good one even, she was nice to me all the time and talked to me every day for all these months. She bought my friendship with love bombing, gifts, with praise about my art and me, a fucking naïve idiot, thought she was sincere. I never noticed the red flags until it was too late, how she was collecting artists along the way and discarding the ones that weren’t useful. She was after popular people, writers and artists, anyone that could give her status. She wanted her name seen everywhere and she invaded every space she could. She also promoted her server to anybody who had big numbers or was known in the HG fandom.

I didn’t know anybody in the fandom, only some names I followed because I admired their art or writing. I always spent my days in any fandom as a spectator, doing fanart and having casual conversations but not getting close to anybody. She was the first person I let get close to me.

I trusted her and that was a mistake I’ll regret for a long time.

She took advantage of me not knowing anybody, she used me as a dumpster bin to trash talk about others, she played victim over and over again, she claimed some people hated her, and she made me believe so many things that I later discovered weren’t real. She twisted reality to her convenience; she created a false narrative where she was the poor victim who was attacked constantly and that she only wanted the best for everybody. She just wanted to be ‘nice.’

Knowing English isn’t my first language and sometimes it’s hard for me to understand certain expressions, she used that to be able to act as a bigot without me noticing until it was too late.

And I believed her. I believe every single fucking word she said about others, because why would she lie? She was just trusting me with things, right? She was just warning me about people, she cared about me, she was just looking out for me.

I’m a good friend, I know I am. Friendship has always been important to me, and I’m faithful to whoever I care about. I thought I was being a good friend to her by defending her and giving her my thoughts and opinions about all these ‘awful’ people who didn’t like her and were against her.

She just wanted an ally.

Her love bombing and praise only lasted until I didn’t act the way she wanted.

I confronted one of her ‘friends’ in her server after that person was exposing an innocent writer just to humiliate them. I was mistreated and attacked. She, the owner, didn’t do anything to stop it while I was telling her in dms what was happening. She didn’t do anything at all because she didn’t care.

She didn’t care either when I showed her proof that her friend was a terf. I was worried, I was so naïve I thought maybe this person didn’t know about her friend being transphobic. But she knew. She didn’t act surprised, she just did her best to clarify she wasn’t a terf ‘by association’ in between jokes and tried to justify her friend over and over again. She dismissed my worries and acted like it wasn’t such a big deal.

I trusted her to the point I felt safe enough to tell her I am autistic and how hard it was growing up not knowing that, how everyone treated me as if I was dumb when I was a kid and a teenager. Her attitude towards me changed after she knew my diagnosis. From treating me like I was a child to a condescending way to talk to me whenever I did ‘wrong.’

I supported her when she decided to create a BB just to be called silly and treated as stupid because I wouldn’t join if the terf was there. She simply didn’t care I was affected because I’m non-binary and trans. She just wanted artists for her shitty event because she needed to make a name among other events. She kept insisting that I join, even after she knew the terf was going to be a part of the event. She wanted me to be a pinch hitter artist.

I finally opened my eyes after my medical emergency in February. I decided to open emergency commissions to help with the costs and that led me to talk to people I never talked to before. People this individual didn’t want me to talk to.

I don’t know why things happen but everything seems to happen for a reason. Some people that reached out to me to help me were people this individual talked shit about over and over again for months. And to my surprise, they were nothing like I was made to believe. On the contrary, these people were sweet, nice, and were actually sincere.

Her reaction to me talking to them was passive-aggressive comments, jokily threats and playing the victim. She also started giving me the silent treatment in order to manipulate me again. Which, luckily, didn’t work.

This disgusting individual lied so much I have spent the last few days wondering how much of what she said was true and how much was bullshit. She tried to mess with friendships, she tried to ruin a relationship, she made racist and transphobic comments, she lied about so many people that didn’t deserve it, she thought her lies wouldn’t catch up to her and kept acting like a ‘mean girl’ who wanted to be number one in popularity. She thought having popular friends, who she bragged about, would keep her away from anything.

She thought she was safe and that I was stupid enough to keep believing her.

I’m not stupid. I never was.

And I will not remain silent while she still plays victim, while she decided to blame ME for all of her fucking mess.

When this whole thing exploded, she desperately tried to convince someone she wasn’t bad, that it was all a misunderstanding and that she was just venting to me. A good pity party because she was being called out and she didn’t expect it. She tried to convince them that I was to blame. She didn’t hesitate to throw me under the bus, to make anyone believe I was the villain, exposing me with screenshots, for all we know, were probably manipulated by her. It is now known that she edits, changes and deletes messages.

I’m not a villain for exposing the truth to people I now care about. To people who have been nothing but nice to me even tho they are aware I said awful things about them based on what this individual told me. She tried to brainwash me with her lies and almost succeeded.

The past few weeks have been hard. But it’s harder to see how many others she hurt.

She’s not a good person no matter how much she tried to act like one. Her disgusting behavior led to so much damage and she got me involved in it, using me until the end.

This behavior is not ‘fandom drama,’ it is dangerous behavior, one that should not be tolerated or accepted. Fandom is not a place to escalate in popularity, to surround yourself with popular artists just to get something from them. Fandom should be a safe place for us to enjoy, to escape from reality, from the real world that is hard enough for so many of us.

I will not let her step on me anymore. I will not be her scapegoat. And she will not get my sympathy anymore.

Please be safe out there, do not let these people harm us anymore. This individual and her fucking terf friend can go fuck themselves.

I am so tired.

[designatedgrape]

Uncle Wayne, How Do I?

I’ve never done a tumblr ficlet before, but @sullymygoodname mentioned older Steve having his own “Dad, How Do I” YouTube channel, and my brain immediately went off in its own direction.

Steddie modern AU, rated G, 700 words. Written in less than an hour, and not edited.

---

It takes less than a day after Steve moves into his first apartment for him to realize that he’s in over his head. He’d thought the hardest part of moving out of his parents’ house was scraping together enough money for first month, last month, and the security deposit. But apparently, he was sorely mistaken. He looks helplessly between the picture frame in his hands and the large swath of empty wall above his thrift store sofa, and he realizes…he has no idea how to hang this thing.

So of course, he turns to YouTube.

The first suggested video for “how to hang a picture” is from a channel called “Uncle Wayne, How Do I?” Steve snorts. He wonders how many videos it would take to cover all of the knowledge that Richard Harrington failed to impart on his son.

He clicks on the thumbnail—and a man in his late 40s, looking stoic as he stands next to a picture frame on a wall—and turns up the volume on his phone.

“I’m Wayne Munson, and this is how you hang up a picture frame.”

Okay, good start. 

Steve is expecting Wayne Munson to walk him through each step, describing what he’s doing as he goes, but…no. Wayne does something with a ruler, and something with a long yellow thing that might be a ruler, but has a bunch of clear tubes with greenish liquid inside? And then he uses a pencil to mark the wall, because he’s somehow figured out where he wants the picture to go. Steve must have missed that part. He’ll have to go back in a minute, but for now he just wants to see what comes next.

Wayne uses a hammer—Steve knows that tool!—and a nail… Wait, no. Not just a nail. There’s also a hook. But the nail goes through the hook? Did Wayne make a hole in it?

And then suddenly, the picture is hanging on the wall, and Wayne faces the camera, unsmiling. It’s the screenshot from the thumbnail. And that’s…it. What the fuck kind of how-to video was that?

Steve is just about to click away in annoyance, when the sound of a shrieking guitar comes through his phone’s speaker, and a black screen with “Eddie Translates for Uncle Wayne” in blood-red letters appears.

“All right, boys, girls and everyone in between, let’s go over that again, shall we?”

The voice is distinctly younger: low and mysterious, melodic and teasing. Steve waits for a face to appear to match it, but one never does. Instead, Eddie just talks over the same video that Steve watched a moment ago. This time, though, there are pauses and replays and slow-motion sections, all while Eddie says things like, 

“So when I asked Wayne what he did here, he just grunted and gestured at the screen, which I’m pretty sure means that you need to measure from the top of the frame to the hanging wire or triangle ring or sawtooth hanger or whatever you’ve got.”

and

“Pop quiz from Uncle Wayne, little sheepies: why should you use a picture hanging hook on the wall instead of just a regular nail? If you guessed, ‘because it looks f-ing badass,’ you’re damn right it do— Ow, Wayne! Jesus! I’m getting to it!” Eddie clears his throat. “The correct answer, according to Uncle Wayne, is, quote, ’So that you don’t rip half the damn wallboard off when your picture falls down because you didn’t take ten seconds to find a damn stud.’ Cool. So there you go.”

Steve is grinning so hard that it feels like his cheeks are getting a stretching workout. As soon as the video ends, he immediately clicks on the next one. Wayne—or more accurately, Eddie—is teaching him how to plant grass seed. Steve definitely won’t need this information for the foreseeable future, given that he doesn’t have any yard to speak of, but that’s neither here nor there.

He doesn’t notice how many videos he’s watched until he realizes the arm holding up his phone is starting to ache, he’s desperately thirsty and also has to pee, and the sun is starting to set. And he still hasn’t hung up the picture that started this all. 

He might however, be a little bit in love with Eddie.

[proboblynotstriaght]

I put far too much effort into my shitposting and screenshot taking...

Oh well! you all seem to enjoy them! And I like having all my best screenshots in a place that doesn't take up a crazy amount of space in my computer!!

As usual past the cut there are spoilers for episode 40 but I try to keep it away from any major spoilers

(also psst, @raeemar this is for you! your reblog made my day!)

Let's get into Episode 40!!!! Rich : The bean footage is a DM thing I can't say it! ||| Mike : eeeeeehhhh we can change it?

Bro bonding moment, bullying lornings edition

Twig : *explaining fae deals and how to make better deals* |||| Gricko : *not paying attention*

Nikkie : *doing a fantastic Torbek impression!* ||| A++ Nikkie Torbeks voice is hard

"Twig we haven't run a successful business in all the 8 years-" "Woah now!" uh oh! the couple is Fiiiighting

"Think of the margins we'll have on the Displacer Beast piss"

Frost : So are we going to kill these fucker or what?

"I guess that makes sense... fucking nerd"

"I knew a guy who would make and sell this kinda stuff, 5 people died it was a whole thing in the news and everything" "Well how many people did he sell it to" "Like... 5"

"Well, I'm just going to say... shit that was funny"

"How long did it take those goblins to die?" "the last one lingered... for a good three months"

Twigsy, blacked out from all the alcohol, and flailing around as Gideon picks her up

His face haunts my dreams...

Derek : *a punny name for the drink* || Gricko : that's not very good

Frost and Kremy are drunk, Gricko and Gideon are trying to be the smart ones for once

"Frost you realize that you've been writing with a chicken leg, and what you thought was parchment, is now clearly human skin" "Well, I've completed page one of my cookbook, the Necro-Nom-Nom-Nom"

"He is continuing to do whatever Torbek does" "Pump his fists" "NO HE DOES NOT"

Grickos imitation of Gideon, I just need you to know that Mace is laughing so hard that it's not actually audible.

This man is laughing so hard he is completely silent and shaking, I'm genuinely concerned for this mans health

Derek : It doesn't even give Gricko a little wink? Like John Void at the end of Anaconda?

I love when Derek makes a joke because they are funny, but also he's almost laughing himself as he's telling the joke

Richie : I'm sorry I thought he was saying something else

guys it took me like four trays to get the screenshot of his face, IT'S SO FUNNY

MIke in Gricko's voise : Gimmie that Bussay

"The Stream Kill-inator" "beep beep beep"

Husband moments be like. FRosty really likes to irritate Kremy about his hat huh

SHUT THE STREAM DOWN

"BEEP BEEP BEEP"

I don't understand most of the references they make but I like how hard they all laugh at them

Derek telling a ridiculous story of how he had too watch the same movie twice in one day and he hated the movie both times

Nikkie : *Horrifying description of Torbek eating one of the Lornlings* Just kidding that doesn't happen!

Singing : It's Torbek It's Torbek, Everybody hates Torbek

Part 2 of this post is one the way! These posts keep getting longer and longer

Edit : Part 2 is here!!!

https://www.tumblr.com/proboblynotstriaght/760423614759714816/part-2-of-my-episode-40-screenshots-despite-andy?source=share

[abitohoney]

WEREWOLF SEVIKA WITH HER MECH ARMMMMM!!!!

Does her werewolf form have a tail? Does it wag when she's happy or excited? DOES SHE LIKE RECEIVING BELLY RUBS???

I'd be the idiot who would get a squeaky tennis ball to torment her with, and she'd eviscerate me for it, and it's be so worth it XD

This is fun and silly and I love it! Also, gonna paste a screenshot of your other ask here because a) it's related and b) I already started technically answering part of your second ask before you even asked it!

Side note: this is my first... HCs? Imagines? IDK WTF this is even called. Let's just say here's my chaotic dumpster fire of unorganized thoughts on this. Enjoy! (No refunds)

Also, probably won't have the next chapter of my werewolf!Sevika fic out tonight so y'all get this instead. 😭

Should probs throw in a warning too. Some NSFW at the very end. MDNI, 18+

Hell yes werewolf Sevika with her mech arm!

I mean, how could she not have it?!

It's cool as hell and would make her unique and give her an advantage over the other werewolves

It's not organic so it wouldn't make sense for it to change with the rest of her body

How much would that suck if the nerves and tethers to the flesh were separated each time she transformed? Poor woman would have to reattach the damn thing everytime. Sounds far more painful than just the transformation alone! I could not do that to our babygirl. 😭

She could play fetch with herself so much easier!

She could still choke us in her werewolf form

OFC she has a tail!

How cute would that be? Now Sevika is a stubborn, prideful and grumpy lady and that applies to her werewolf form as well. She won't admit to enjoying anything other than killing, and she's going to try her damnedest not to wag that tail or let you even do anything that might trigger that response. But she is a woman, er... werewolf, with urges and instincts. Will power and stubbornness can only go so far before it's overpowered by the more natural responses. So if you know some of her secret weaknesses, and you can get close enough to exploit those, you better believe you're gonna see that tail do a little dance.

Belly rubs? Oh she LOVES those!

Again, you're gonna have to be sneaky to get close to that fuzzy belly. She's got sharp canines and is not against giving you a warning bite if you get too close to her soft spots.

You're best bet is to catch her while she's napping in her gigantic doggy bed at the foot of your shared bed. (You've forbade her from sleeping on your bed while in her werewolf form. She sheds profusely and has an annoying tendency to kick you with her hind legs when she dreams about chasing prey, which is probably you considering all the annoying things you do to her. Not to mention the one time you were rudely awaken to the mortifying realization that she was humping the back of your leg like a bitch in heat. Not that you have any right to complain when you take into account how much you like to grind on her thigh when she's in her human form.)

She's snoring deeply, belly fully exposed, as she sleeps in her plush doggy bed when you cautiously sneak closer. You sit cross-legged in front of her and ever so slowly reach a hand out. Your palm rests on her soft, warm belly and your eyes flit to hers. They're still closed, so you start making, slow sweeping circles. Her breathing shifts and a hind leg twitches. Before long, the bushy tail that hangs over the edge of her bed starts swaying. The moment you add some light scratching to the belly rubs her tail really starts wagging. You can't hide your adoring smile, even as her eyes suddenly shoot open, purple glowing orbs locking onto yours immediately. Her struggle to react in anger is apparent by how her upper lip twitches as if she's trying to snarl, but she just can't fight how fucking good the tummy rubs and scratches feel. Slip your other hand behind an ear to give it a nice scratch and she's good as yours, tail swinging so hard it's smacking your knee. You might even get a little kiss on your arm from a big ol slobbery tongue.

Fetch? She can't resist.

You're not the only fool who would buy their sexy werewolf GF a nice, loud, squeaky ball to play fetch with. We all would, cause that tail wags so damn hard her back end shakes with it. This, however, is the one she's least happy to admit to enjoying, but all it really takes is throwing the damn ball. Just know that you'll pay for it later (You'll be her pet, on all fours wearing a collar and leash, for at least a day. But don't worry, she'll feed you real well).

Flea collar, or any collar for that matter? Hard nope

Don't even bother trying. You'll be the one in the collar if you do. She doesn't do flea baths either, so you better just get used to your hundreds of new insect buddies.

Good girl? Hahahaha... Nope!

Whatever you do, do not, I repeat do NOT call her "good girl", or you'll be the one in the dog house!

"Hey, babygirl, c'mere!" Sevika calls from the bedroom while you're finishing drying off after showering and you freeze in terror. You know that tone. That condescending, slow sneer. You know you're in trouble. "Need to talk to you about something."

Maybe if you go out there naked, you can make her forget whatever you'd done wrong, which you admittedly have forgotten yourself. Swallowing the lump that formed in your throat, you cautiously step past the doorway and into the bedroom. Sevika, in her human form, sits on the edge of the bed, glowing purple eyes on you and sharp canines poking out from her wide, devious smirk.

"Yes?" You ask sweetly albeit shakily, with false innocence as you step further into the room so she can see your nude form. Your eyes drop to her lap where you find she's already packing her fav strap. Thick, ribbed and curved for your pleasure. Heat rises to your cheeks.

"Do you recall what you called me last night?"

Too distracted by the thought of what she has planned, you shake your head. A movement catches your eye and you realize she's swinging a pair of handcuffs from one thick finger. Heat drops between your thighs.

"When you were petting me in my werewolf form?" She reminds you, tone noticably sharper when she mentions that particular act which was also one of her no-go rules.

Oh. Oh fuck. That.

In the same moment you recall what you'd said, you see the spreader bar, collar and leash lying on the bed beside her. Your doe eyes flit to hers, realizing just what you were in for.

"Good girl?" You squeak out.

"Mhmm. And are you supposed to call me that?"

"No!" You answer quickly, shaking your head profusely. "I'm sorry Sev-"

"On the bed sweetheart. Head down, hands behind your back and on your knees. Oh, and spread them real wide for me. Let's see who's the good girl."

[dichromaticdyke]

you said you werent sure where toki was jacking off in that screenshot-- the bricks look identical to the bricks in the shower room they threw toki into in s2e19 when he was drunk off his ass, so maybe there?

this is gonna be a long response, so it's going under the cut. because when i say @supersaturnnyoomkitty and i have talked about this A LOT, i'm NOT JOKING. but, yes, for a reminder to those who follow me for completely different reasons: when analyzing this scene, i threw that line in as a throwaway, because it's definitely not Toki's room, and the only important thing of note is that he's getting the fuck away from the creepy photos of his parents.

the bricks are a different color and shape, and there aren't any pictures or posters anywhere to be seen.

here's everwhere in mordhaus where we thought it could be: outside the recording studio, the room where facebones addresses the klokateers, and, of course, the bathroom* (*the bathroom theory is way more complicated than it should be).

so, we'll probably never know, because brendon small refuses to email us back, but here are some of our theories as to each of these places.

1- outside the recording room. he's listening to skwisgaar play. now i'm not just saying that because i'm a trash skwistok shipper, i'm also saying that because toki obviously has a very strong attachment to skwisgaar's guitar playing. call it romantic, call it idol worship, call it whatever you want, it doesn't matter—in the credits for Dethalbum III, he thanked skwisgaar's fingers, and his only plans for vacation post-album release were watching skwisgaar play guitar. he's got a problem. (this also goes into my and nyoom's theories about them all having jack-off songs, spawned from her fic "Sensual Playback", don't worry about it, it's not important right now.)

2- the gathering room of klokateers/full dethstaff meetings. uh. that's just. well.

how do you want me to take this anon? do you want me to be serious about this? do you want me to tell you how i've considered the possibility that toki just got as far the fuck away from the photos of his parents as he could and this is where he ended up? because that's my only theory for this. (this does also just sort of go with the fact that most of the walls in mordhaus look like this. it could be ANYWHERE. consider the gathering hall to just be a catch-all for, toki just being a little freak.)

moving swiftly on...

3- the bathroom thing is way more complicated than it should be, and here's why: there's a public/staff bathroom. we see it most prominently when they're all drinking bleach together, and it could very well be there. you mentioned this shower scene specifically:

and that scene is also near identical to murderface's own shower scene when he was scared of being gay (we even see more of the public bathroom in the background):

that would make sense, i guess. BUT—it's implied they all have their own bathrooms, right? pickles and murderface both do, anyway:

not sure why murderface would shower in the public bathroom when he's having his gay panic and you'd think he'd want to be as far away from naked men as possible, but that's not my business.

side note: i just noticed for the first time that murderface took his shorts all the way off to take a shit, but left his demonias on. this man i stg—

i find it hard to believe toki also wouldn't have his own bathroom. i'm not sure if this scene is meant to be in the public bathroom or either murderface's or skwisgaar's, but it's also something to consider:

though, as i'm writing this, i'm coming to a realization that maybe they did all have their own bathrooms prior to the attack on mordhaus. i completely forgot they renovated the whole place. they might have gutted their personal bathrooms and replaced it with a public one, which is why all the showers and bathtubs seem to be there. the shower that toki's in might have been either his own, or a public one that was later expanded after the renovations. either way, i'm positive it's a public bathroom and not one that toki would have had, and i think that for one major reason:

toki's bedroom is so super tiny. especially compared to nathan's or william's bedroom. his bed is small and snug, also. i think he's never really needed anything that big for himself. he grew up extremely deprived and abused, just having anything that was truly his own was all he'd ever wanted. plus, maybe having to sleep in a massive space all by himself might've triggered his memories of being forced to stay alone in the punishment hole for days on end. of course, that's not to say toki doesn't love excess, but given how small his own bedroom is, i don't know where he would even be able to have his own private bathroom.

not to mention, in aotd, we see he doesn't like to go to the bathroom alone. sure, he's regressing in that moment, but i still don't think he likes to be alone, if he can help it—hence the stuffed animals and pictures of his parents (regardless of how creepy they are, at least he's not alone when they're staring at him).

i think that's my thesis of the whole thing, actually. toki's not being a creepy lil guy on purpose, i don't think. i just think he doesn't wanna jack off in front of his parents, but he also has hang-ups about being alone, so he goes to random places around mordhaus. it's not a kink thing, i'm like. 99% sure. i just think he's still trying to figure out how to be comfortable with himself.

plus, the boys were all ready to suck their own dicks together in the same room. i really don't think any of them would consider it all that weird, so long as toki himself doesn't act weird about it.

[hetalia-club]

Giving you this bc ur like, the only hetalia blog i still follow that still posts. But like.

Okay back in 2018-2019(?) i had a pretty big hetalia phase, i watched hetafacts videos n every episode that was on YouTube, i listened to the music on repeat. It was a major hyperfixation before i knew that i was autistic.

For the longest time after i stopped, engaging with hetalia for some reason i would. Cringe really hard whenever i saw anything hetalia related. Like. On ao3 when you go to search things it tells you how to search things and one i got (and keep getting) is like "hetalia tag:f/f" or something idk how proper ao3 searches work. Id like screenshot it and go to my friends n say "it haunts me" or some shit.

But like recently ive been. Embracing that part of my past? I guess? Like. Almost like coming to terms with it? Idk i started having a less bad reaction n like, realized it probably one of the more normal fandoms i was in. I was, cringe, as all kids are, but i was. Happy.

And then like. At a sleepover a few weeks ago, one thing leads to another and im telling my friend abt the songs and how ich leibe is. Just a recipe, and how i used to listen to almost all of the songs. I show them the clip of France trying to get England to sign a marriage contract, America ordering fucking condoms from Russia.

It has been at least 2 weeks since, and i can feel the hyperfixation coming back, half the music ive been listening too again is hetalia character songs (theyre so fucking good???) and ive been getting. Urges to watch the show and. I dont know how to feel or what to do?? Like. I'm afraid almost to get back into hetalia? Like i watched black butler a while ago, and i realized how. Theres some weird fucking tension between ceil n sebastian n i think im afraid im going to have that same reaction to hetalia?

Cause like there is shit i just completely forgot about. Like. The Bad Touch Trio. And im scared man.

Im sorry to fuckin, give you all of this, but i just. I dont know what to do ig. None of my friends like or used to like hetalia, the one i do info dump hetalia stuff too does not like hetalia and is learning shit about it against their will.

Idk, should i watch the show again? Is it, good? I genuinely can't remember anymore.

Sorry for using ur ask box like a confessional

I mean I’m right there with you man. The sole reason I am still in the Hetalia fandom is because hetalia got me through some real dark chapters and events in my life. I discovered Hetalia years ago in Highschool while with a very abusive ex who had to know everything I was doing at any given time. He wouldn’t let me go anywhere without him there. I tried to break up with him but he actually wouldn’t let me. He would threaten to off himself if I did so I felt bad because his mom was an alcoholic and his houses burned down. I stopped really going anywhere at all because if I did he would come with me and he ruined my relationships with most of my friends just by being ‘the worst’. I stopped cheerleading, I got depression really bad, I started to do terrible in all my classes but I discovered Hetalia while on deviant art and was instantly intrigued. It was like “idk what this is but I will now make it my personality”

Years later while with my most recent abusive Ex that I just broke up with last November I got back into Hetalia when our relationship started to get really bad and hard to cope wit on my own. I needed an escape and something to help me avoid him and no care so much about his insults something that I could think about instead of being sad all the time. Hetalia is something that just brings me joy. Instead of venting to people, getting therapy or increasing my meds Hetalia was just always there to go back to and escape. No idea what it is about it. Won’t go into details about the relationship, it’s irrelevant right now but I’m sure you can guess.

To answer your question, no Hetalia isn’t ‘good’ it makes zero sense and is confusing as hell. But for me it’s fun to use as a spring board for basically any kind of AU I could think up. The characters can fit into any type of situation you want to shove them in.

I would say give it a rewatch, as much as you want anyway. What is the worst that could happen? You continue an interest that brought you joy? Worst case. You are a bit cringe? Who cares if you are cringe if you are happy? Also not encouraging you to live a double life but if you are embarrassed to like Hetalia you don’t actually have to tell anyone how obsessed with it you are. No one but my ex knows how much I like Hetalia and he really has no idea just how deep I am in this shit. But if people knowing about one of your interests humiliates you then just don’t share it. At the end of the day it’s your comfort and it makes you happy it’s no one’s business.

There are a lot of old fandom tropes that have disappears the BTT being one of them. They put them as a group still but I guess they call it ‘bad friends ti’ now. There are still some things that make me side eye. But that’s every fandom I feel. You can choose who you wish to associate with and who you want to block or avoid. It’s your blog you don’t own an explanation to anyone.

Personally I don’t interact much with the people of the fandom itself I got a few people it talk to every now and again but really i just do my own thing. I write my own fics for myself. I got my little tumblr, discord and TikTok, I post about my little AUs and dumb thoughts and continue on. If people want to follow me that’s great, welcome. If they don’t that’s cool to!

Thanks for sticking around with me even after your Interest in Hetalia fizzled out tho haha! That had to be difficult I am very annoying at times I’m sure 😭.

Again worst thing that could happen than if you are a bit cringe. But not being cringe is boring as hell. Irl I’m one of the most normal bitches you could find. Carbon copy white girl. Absolutely no one would guess I were a Hetalia obsessed loser irl. In a line up you could not pick me out and guess my interests. So in February I got my hair done right? I got like. 500 dollar biolage it fades from brown to strawberry blonde. Want to know the reason I got this hair style? Because of Italy that’s why. I wanted red hair like him. Did I tell anyone that? No. When people said they liked my hair and asked me why I went red I would just go “idk just felt like it” but I would be thinking about him knowing the real answer.

Good luck anon, if you stick around welcome back the water is fine. If you don’t can you toss me that life vest up there if you don’t mind? Thank you!

[lixenn]

KHR timeline

For this project I'm going to use this wiki post as a basis:

I have no idea how accurate this is but I honestly can't be bothered to look for another one, so fuck it we ball.

I was in the process of overviewing the timeline when I realized: Some of these entries are pretty wild. So, I will once again do a commentary (like my KHR reread) but with this wiki page instead.

Disclaimer: This is just me poking fun and shitposting, I'm not mocking the person who made this post. I imagine they put a lot of work into this and I really appreciate it, so please nobody take this too serious okay.

I'm not going to do this in any particular order btw, this is going to be random af, as in when I see a funny thing I will screenshot and comment.

Let's get started!

The first thing I noticed and what inspired this post:

... just why???

---

Love the addition of "while crying". This is important guys! Not only did they repair the costume, no they cried while doing it, which I imagine quite complicated the process.

---

The girls of Namimori Middle know husband material when they see it and I'm delighted by this information (also: HUSBAND MENTION!!! Me shitposting wouldn't be complete without Kyoya thirst)

---

for real?? (just realized I'm so kinda spoiling myself for the reread but I cannot be fucked to care)

---

OMG THAT'S AMAZING!!! that cracked me up so hard!! Like not only does Adult Lambo get stuck in the past, no he also gets arrested after returing!! The dude doesn't catch a break does he?

---

... alright then.

---

Why does this wiki entry talk so much about bodily secretions? First poop now snot? What's next? Cum?

---

Ex-FUCKING-cuse me!!!!! A group what???? That's fucking news to me!

---

I want to find the original poster and shake their hand, this is so fucking funny. Like the contrast of these two sentence... it's fucking gold man 😂

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This keeps getting better and better, this isn't just gold. This is a gold mine! The urge to find this guy and dissect their brain to transplant their comedic genuis into my head is rising.

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Gonna make a cut here for now.

I don't now if there will be a part two, it fully depends on my energy level and if I find more funny entries, but I hope you enjoyed this one!

See you later~

[james-vi-stan-blog]

why do I feel like the previous anon was a dig at me for asking questions about the kind of people James and George were😃I could be wrong though.

my only thing about why I’m hoping all of them in the show will show their flaws or how much of a bad person they can be is because I know it’ll be so much easier for people to understand or even sympathize with George simply because Nicholas is playing him. I’ve probably mentioned this before but I fully believe it has something to do with looks.

Nicholas is incredibly attractive so a lot of people feel more inclined or gravitate towards his character to feel sympathy, maybe defend, or ‘babygirl’ George even through problematic issues he’s had (that might be in the show but idk what they’ll include) but compared to Tony portraying James? I don’t think he’s going to get that same energy or thought process because his character might be criticized more simply because some people don’t find Tony/James attractive. I’ve seen this happen many times and it’s just odd people haven’t picked up on that.

I’m not saying people aren’t allowed to make up their own opinions about how they perceive the the characters or force my opinions onto others. I honestly can say that I feel sympathy for George and James (even Mary) but I think a lot of people aren’t going to realize how much looks would come into play when their formulating their opinions about the characters.

I’m sorry if I’m not making any sense, I have a hard time writing my thoughts! also I’m not trying to start anything so I hope this doesn’t come across as rude or anything😭

-✨

I don't think asking "good or bad" type questions is necessarily pointless… after all, people do have vices and virtues, and they can make good, bad, or downright evil decisions. I think we can even evaluate relative badness to some extent (like the 5th Earl of Bothwell, there's a phenomenally shitty person). Rather, it's a binary vision of good and bad guys that's toxic for the study of history. I think it's also limiting for media. If you (general you, not you, ✨) are going into Mary & George just looking to be entertained, there's no need to have several essays cited that George Villiers Is A Good Person™ Actually before you've even sat down. Not every story is meant to be didactical. What is about to unfold in front of you could be a villain's tale, some complex shade of tragedy, etc.

But to the main thrust of your ask, honestly… I too worry about this. The halo effect and lookism are well-documented phenomena (known and understood even in the period itself… I mean… why was short, stuttering, shy Baby Charles so invested in his iconography, but to depict himself as strong, masculine, handsome, and therefore virtuous and deserving to rule!!!) and also applies to media depictions of historical figures. It's totally a real thing that when a historical figure gets played by a popular actor, people will tend to be softer on that character, not even purely due to "beauty = goodness", but also because the pleasure of the visual spectacle inclines us to excuse what we're seeing. (Actually, even outside the appearance of the actors, people tend enormously to excuse the actions of a protagonist. It's just sort of an effect of the medium.)

That said, I believe the vast majority of people who say "I support George's rights and George's wrongs!" are just being silly and having fun and are perfectly capable of rationally judging what they're watching. You guys are great, please have a great time, tell your friends about the show so that more people learn about James VI and the Villiers family!!

But yeah, rarely there's… I don't go on Shitter but saw a screenshot of someone saying they hoped Somerset/Buckingham would be the main ship because Laurie Davidson is hotter and they don't want to watch an "ugly" (??) "old man fuck" and that just disheartened and disgusted me. You know, gayness doesn't exist to be hot and entertaining. Queer stories serve more purposes than fetish fuel for oglers. And this story is about real people who actually existed…

Also, I've got thoughts about people who think it's wrong and disgusting for James to have fallen in love with handsome George Villiers but also vociferously and openly thirst over Nicholas Galitzine and want to see him naked in queer roles. 😑

Anyway I'm happy to see these figures in almost any interpretation but I really hope George Villiers will be allowed to be magnificently terrible because… c'mon… it's George Villiers. The icon. The legend. The Duke of Buckingham himself. I feel like watering down his character would be cheating him of the glory he's due.

[palestickyprinces]

on my hands and knees begging for a family tree (or multiple ones!!) for your original hotd/asoiaf characters...

anon your hand in marriage immediately. how did you know about my one true passion. reveal yourself in my dms within three days else you'll start to cough

some of these are way more in depth because i. well. i only just made some (cough the tullys and martells cough) while others i worked for a day or two on. the targaryen ones look weird bc this site doesnt like incest (or even when two siblings marry another set of siblings). i will put it under a read more lest it take 5 days to scroll past

me looking at anon

we're just gonna go in order of how i have them saved el oh el. also i was gonna link the trees but then realized anyone can edit them and i dont trust people not to fuck up my hard work so now you have to suffer my shitty screenshots. sorry

Maryce Redwyne

(ignore the fact it links to aemond, its just how the site works) now this one is a little weird bc i never fully committed to when it takes place in her canon so some people are dead who shouldnt be some people arent dead who should be etc... also daeron doesn't exist here cuz uhhh. well. i just never put him in.

this verse is also the ones my ocs vaerra targaryen and alyssa targaryen (of pentos), but i ended up removing them since its really maryce's story and i didnt want to include them for like two appearances worth of time

you may notice she has a child who's formerly gone entirely unmentioned...

Lorea Baratheon

this one is straightforward its just the canon family tree plus lorea. i have various other ocs and possible cousins in mind for her story but i dont think any are included in this. however i did go insane adding practically the entire lannister and baratheon/targaryen family trees theres like 60+ people in this one

House Errol

never mentioned these guys (because i forgot they existed) but theyre fairly important players in lorea's story, she runs into the kingswood after (spoiler!) her mom tries to 🗡 her and ends up at haystack hall. sebastion ends up agreeing to let her stay, then as the war continues is the one to push her to claim the throne. totally not because he wants to be her hand and marry his son to her. who would ever do that.

House Mallister

theres a couple more piper cousins/siblings in law on the other side lyman but thats fine. lyman has a wife named lynette swann and i never decided if his name would remain lyman. also i forgot to ever name one of elinor's brothers in law oops

after the hashtag scandal of elinor having a bastard baby her mom gets her brother lucas to marry his son to elinor and elinor is shipped off to pinkmaiden forever. sad!

Ellyn Hightower + Daemion & Alyssa

considering daemion didnt even have his own tag until like yesterday i dont think i ever shared that he's criston's son so. spoiler! theres nothing like giving your affair baby nearly the same name as your husband ❤️ also daeron is again not here. sorry. would be funny to include him just for the sake of the recent headcanons about criston being his daddy tho. when ur cousin is also ur brother and its not even from the incest side of the family

(im not actually doing that. daeron will probably just not be included. unless i really like him when s3 comes out in a decade)

all the stuff to the side is just canon targ bullshit i added

House Tully

these crop weird on tumblr oops. click on em to see it better. i made alys larys's sister bc i just thought being tortured by ur sister in law is funnier than aunt etc. i considered naming zoe and elmo's dad ernie

House Martell

alia and aelyx are twins <3 i did not add all of daeron's various descendants or ancestors because frankly theres kind of a lot of them and again this site hates incest and it starts looking funny real quick. given more time i mightve added them and the great bastards and all but this is what you get for now

maron said their first kid could have a targy name since they'd be a martell either way so daenerys insisted he give the second one a dornish name and then with the twins they just followed their previous pattern of girl gets dornish boy gets targy. these guys are arguably the happiest family of ocs i got

maron had a paramour before wedding daenerys and he sent her away before the marriage because he knew daenerys would take offense to it, and he didn't want to risk the still fairly new targ-martell alliance, or risk angering daeron, which could theoretically pose a risk to maron's own sister. the family's one real conflict is that the paramour has a son who later shows up claiming he's maron's REAL oldest child and that aeron is actually a blackfyre. thankfully the dornish are not stupid and basically just go ????? before kicking the kid out. well actually a lot more happens than just that but yk how it is. that plotline is also only barely existant. i havent even read a knight of the seven kingdoms yet

if you actually read all this then YAYYYYY come be my friend pls. or just send me more asks about my ocs. i love answering questions and talking for way too long i NEED more asks

[professorspork]

u should like!! toootally drop blake and yang outfit references for ur newsbees au. for like. research purposes

!!! okay I can't tell if you're asking this for fanart reasons (EVERYONE SHOULD FEEL VERY FREE TO DO THAT) or for spank bank "my thirst requires an accurate theater of the mind" reasons (VALID) but

this makes me UNHINGED and i plan to be SO THOROUGH so THANK YOU FOR ASKING

i have put this under a cut to spare you all but i think you should click on it and admire the gilded age urchin chic

first of all, let me say that Newsies Are Beautiful. They have never met two clashing patterns they didn't want to combine and I think they are perfect in every way

that said

the classic Jack look could certainly use some tailoring before it's truly ready for the Yang prime time

these numbered fellas give us a better place to start when it comes to I WANT MY NEWSIES TO NOT BE SWIMMING IN CLOTHES TWO SIZES TOO BIG YES I KNOW THE VERITAS OF THEM SCROUNGING FOR WHATEVER BUT ALSO. THIRST.

Fella 1 is a pretty bang-on Yang and you can tell that was his intention because he's growing out his hair, bless. sleeves rolled to show arm, shirt unbuttoned scandalously to show cleavage, open vest, neat cap, high socks. the lower half does lose points for the striped socks that remind me of the Wicked Witch of the East's feet sticking out and the fact that he's clearly in tap shoes as opposed to work boots like his friend Fella 3

Fella 2 gets EXTRA sock points for the argyle and the vest-but-no-collar combo which is very Nora. He also has a neat cap, which Blake always does because she's hiding her ears.

Fella 3 has a sloppy cap but is otherwise a bang-on Blake; kempt and tidy in ways Yang never is even though they are essentially wearing the exact same thing. Blake knows how to button buttons and Yang pretends she forgets every day

Fella 4's rocking the henley and suspenders combo which serves any member of our cast, a fucking classic

Fella 5 is wearing a tie he is trying so hard he wants to look nice at work, 100% a Jaune move

sir that-- that's not how crutches are supposed to-- SIR--

this Crutchie exhibits excellent Newsie styling in a very Yang color palette. high socks, mixing of patterns, rolled sleeves; excellent. the slightly fancier waistcoat, actually buttoned, isn't something Yang would go for but certainly wouldn't be amiss on Blake, Ruby, or Velvet

Ruby also, of course, wears a signature red scarf instead of her cloak:

like her scarf and hat just absolutely dwarf her, she's WEE SMOL

above we see our previous example Crutchie not leaping through the air, and his outfit remains exemplary but for the backwards cap, which I shan't abide. the Jack to his left-- what with his WIDE open shirt, tight undershirt, rolled sleeves, and suspenders, is very Yang.

good Yang looks can also mean THE SHORTEST SLEEVES EVER, TO SHOW OFF THE GUNS:

both excellent choices, and of course our lower fella (TURN THAT CAP AROUND YOUNG MAN) has got his bandana going, which is Quite Yang

all the guys in the background there are gold too tbh

look at this king in this fashion pose but also YEAH WHY NOT BANDANAS ON THE ARMS BANDANAS EVERYWHERE the yang xiao long story

^^ this outfit, on the other hand, is pretty exactly spot-on for Blake immediately post haircut/makeover

Weiss, I'm sure you've already guessed, is a Classic Katherine:

she's buttoned-up, she's fancy, her shit matches and she's the only one in a skirt.

the only thing where my brain gets REALLY SPECIFIC is the finale so uh. spoiler warning I guess for screenshots of the Newsies film and vague references to a plot resolution if you're reading the AU without having watched it

but the finale looks are ICONIC and non-negotiable

button shirt OVER henley OVER bandana and nothing's buttoned? suspenders on but hanging loose from the hips? hell yes.

i actually even managed to make that dirt smudge on David's tummy plot-relevant to Blake and that was completely subconscious and I didn't realize I did it until looking up these screenshots but there you have it. and by this point Weiss gets to be a little more loose and dressed-down, a la Sarah

in conclusion they're in love look at those heart eyes oh my god

[mister-julius]

I think I've really figured out one of the core issues that's affected my everything for so many years.

I don't have a frame of reference for what's "good enough"

Like, I took my driving test, and my instructor proudly says "You scored a 93!" and without missing a beat my knee-jerk response was "Is that good?" Of course it is! It's a solid A grade! But that didn't even go through my head, just "bet that's out of some weird scale that's different from the base 100 that regular school uses, better ask her how badly you failed"

Truth be told I feel embarrassed about most of the things I've posted here and on other social media sites. Be it my long blocks of text, most of which have been deleted, my game screenshots, my scans of things like the Galidor style guide and comics, all of it is embarrassing. Not because of some selfconscious bs regarding a 28 year old guy messing around with kids toys or anything like that, there's zero shame there. I just don't know if any of it is "good enough"

and that's just the stuff that I've bothered posting! The youtube videos I've been meaning to make for like 6 years? the like 6 projects I've dipped a toe into and seemingly abandoned? I'm at a roadblock because I don't know if any of my efforts are "good enough". Good enough for who? By what standard? Is anyone else judging your work the same as you? All questions unasked, just paralyzing fear.

I had told LDSO's TronFAQ, a dude I massively respect, that I'd get him some screenshots of Tron 2.0 textures that might benefit from AI upscaling. I went to go do that, and quickly froze. Did a ton of thinking, and preparation, and more thinking, and more prep, and more thinking, inadvertently ruined my install of the game a couple times, and it's been I don't even know how long and I don't even have one screenshot.

I feel really bad about this one especially. How hard is it to play through your favorite game and hit the screenshot hotkey a few times? Apparently really fucking hard when anxiety disorders play into an inferiority complex you didn't even fully realize you had until a few days ago!

It's so stupid.

I want to say "I'm so stupid" but no this isn't me. This is a product of a number of things that aren't me. It's like I'm stuck in an invisible prison preventing me from being me. I'm glad I have this much figured out now, just wish I didn't have to fight myself to be myself

[elizaviento]

Green on the Vine — Strawberry Wine (Part 11 of ?)

(Stardew Valley — Shane/Female Farmer/OC)

This chapter is rated NSFW — 5130 words. Phone sex and mutual masturbation.

Note: Have a tiny bit more smut because I'm gross, not sorry. :)

(FYI: Additional chapters of Green on the Vine — Strawberry Wine can be found in the Stardew Valley Fic Masterpost link in my blog description.  Or, you can click the #green on the vine strawberry wine tag in this post, within my blog, to access all additional chapters.)

*****

Kristen lay on the couch, staring at the wooden beams crossing the ceiling of her old farmhouse. She'd tried to get Moody to snuggle, but he was evidently still mad at her for allowing someone new to sleep in his bed. Instead, he curled up on a nearby armchair, content with grooming himself after scent-marking every piece of furniture he could bash his fluffy face into.

Relationships were hard. Complex and bewildering. Before Kristen had met Jason, she was convinced she'd never get married. Every boyfriend she had prior to him had left, nearly all of them stating that her blind ambitions were paramount, leaving them in the dust. It was only fitting that her husband had recited the same lines, finally drilling home just how detached she would eventually become when the initial romance fizzled into comfortable cohabitation. She almost didn't blame him when she came home one day to find boxes and bags of his belongings crowding the hallway leading to their condo.

With a sigh, she rolled over and stared sightlessly at the coffee mug Shane had left on the table earlier that morning. The conversation they'd had before he'd left looped in her mind, and she dwelled on how upset she'd made him, the implication that she'd somehow tricked him into sleeping with her hanging heavily between them as he hotly contested. Deep down, she knew why she kept asserting it — unconsciously attempting to sabotage a potential relationship before it grew legs that she could later amputate at the knees, making him realize that she wasn't worth the effort when he woke up one day and decided that he could do better. So, she was at war with herself, one half chomping at the bit to move Shane into her home and make him an actual permanent fixture in her life, and the other determined to shove him away before he could break her heart.

She needed to make a decision, and she needed to do it soon. She wasn't sure how many more mixed signals Shane could handle nor how long she could sustain such erratic mood swings without making herself bonkers.

The harsh rattle of Kristen's phone vibrating on the oak coffee table caused Moody to crack open one eye, clearly irked, before he huffed dramatically and curled himself into a tighter pancake. The farmer, however, was blessedly yanked from her brooding.

Hey, Sis. Dad said he hasn't heard from you in weeks again, so I'm checking to see if you're still alive.

Rolling her eyes, Kristen navigated to the last text message she'd sent her father that he had never replied to, took a screenshot, and attached it to her reply to her older brother.

Is that so?

Kevin's chat bubble animated for several seconds, and Kristen predicted what it would say. She was right.

Hey, don't shoot the messenger. He probably just forgot or something. You know how he is.

Clearly not in the mood for a back-and-forth with her sibling about the state of her relationship with their father, she locked her phone, determined to ignore any other messages he might send. He knew what type of landmine he was stepping on by putting himself between them, but Kristen didn't feel like cleaning up the debris. At least, not today.

Dinner consisted of leftover lasagna, spinning and spinning in the microwave as she watched mindlessly. In the background, her phone buzzed again, but she drowned it out with pleasant memories of the way Shane had fucked her silly, manipulated her body as if he were the one who had assembled it, surpassing any expectations she could have had.

All that experience had to come from somewhere , she thought as the microwave dinged. He's never told you about anyone he's been with or how many…

Not that it mattered. Kristen's body count wasn't exceptionally high, but she'd never been with a man who could find her g-spot without ample direction until now. Then again, none of her previous lovers had been nearly as generous, and it suddenly made perfect sense why Shane sat at the top of her list after only two sexual encounters. His goal had been to please her, and he'd made it overtly obvious, employing every trick to make her wail. He'd asked her what she liked, checked in with her often, listened when she begged for more, or directed him to do something else, resulting in some of the most intense orgasms she'd ever had.

Don't get used to being a pillow princess. Make it up to him next time.

That was a given. If Shane had worked so hard to ensure she was taken care of, it probably hadn't come without sacrifices on his part. As much as she appreciated his effort and attention, she wanted to make sure he felt just as pampered.

"Shit," she whispered, crossing her legs as she slowly forked another bite of lasagna into her mouth. Thinking about Shane and all the ways he drove her crazy was a dangerous game. One that apparently ended with sodden panties and frustration. Just as she wondered if she would be selfish to ask him to return after his movie marathon with Jas, her phone buzzed again.

"God damn it, Kev," she grumbled. Usually, her brother gave up after a couple of unanswered texts, especially if he knew he'd pissed her off. But tonight, he was being relentless.

No longer hungry, Kristen dumped the half-eaten slab of pasta into the trash can and went to retrieve her phone. She'd decided to only read the messages, not reply. But, to her pleasant surprise, the notifications weren't from Kevin but Shane.

Unlocking the device, she was immediately bombarded with the most adorable collection of photos she'd laid eyes on in recent days — Jas and Shane, their cheeks smooshed together while Jas wore every silly expression her face could contort into. She'd obviously been the one taking the selfies, the lens uncomfortably close due to her short arms. Shane smiled genuinely in each one, his eyes almost sparkling like when he belly laughed, which was sadly rare.

Jas insisted I send you this. She's even watching me do it.

She says hi.

The first picture had been delivered over half an hour ago, with several others following every few minutes. Kristen snickered, imagining how Jas could bend Shane to her adorable will.

You both look lovely. You're having fun?

His reply came quicker than she expected, and she bit her bottom lip, an idea already forming in her lust-hazed brain.

Sure. Ate enough popcorn to probably kill me.

She smirked, tapping the glass, hoping he'd take her bait. Unsure if Jas was still awake and possibly gluing her eyes to Shane's phone screen, she kept it as vague as possible.

Please don't die. Who would be left to take care of me and my hand?

Several minutes passed without a reply, and Shane's status switched offline while Kristen waited, hating that she couldn't chill out enough to do something else in the meantime. Finally, he returned online, and his chat bubble popped on the screen.

Put Jas to bed.

Hey, sorry I was a dick earlier. Just didn't want you to think I don't want this.

Is it weird if I say I miss you already?

Kristen's eyes welled with unshed tears, as they often did these days, anytime he said something even remotely sweet to her.

No. I miss you, too.

Can you call? 

She held her breath, wondering if it was too early. He'd said Jas was in bed but what about Marnie? Shane was completely unaware of her intentions and probably wasn't considering these details the way she was.

Yeah. Gimme a few.

Kristen didn't bother with a reply, instead opting to turn off all the lights in the kitchen and living room before heading to the bathroom to perform her nightly grooming, her mind wandering toward the looming conversation. When her phone finally rang several minutes later, she nearly jumped a foot in the air, snatching it off the lip of her bathroom sink.

"Hi," she said as she walked toward the bedroom. In the gloom, her bed looked emptier than usual, and she dreaded crawling under the covers alone.

"Hey. Everything okay?" His voice was pitched lower than normal, signaling Kristen that Marnie was probably still awake.

"Yeah. I just wanted to hear your voice." A light chuckle tickled her ear, and she smiled, slipping under the sheet and making herself comfortable. "What are you doing right now?"

"In bed," he replied. A muffled shuffle emanated through her speaker, indicating that he had probably rolled over, along with a soft click that she assumed was his bedside lamp. "Why do you wanna know?" His tone shifted to something playful, and Kristen hitched a breath, confident that her little plan would come to fruition.

"I have my reasons. What are you wearing?" She knew the line was overdone and cheesy, but she also knew nothing good happened without a few risks.

"Are you serious?" he asked. Kristen could practically hear the grin in his voice, and more shuffling accompanied his question. "I dunno how you keep surprising me but —" more shuffling, the sound of soft footsteps, the click of metal that she assumed was his door knob lock, "— just my boxers."

"Hmm, what color?"

He paused as he got back into bed, and Kristen held her breath, suddenly feeling silly. What had seemed like a fun, sexy idea was starting to resemble a woman desperate for attention.

"Babe, we're really doing this?" A gruff whisper caressed her ear, and she literally shivered. The sheet glided across her bare legs as she pressed her thighs together, glad she'd opted to crawl between them in only her panties and a thin tank top. 

"Fuck, call me that again," she breathed, already sounding needy, even to her own ears.

"What? Babe?" he asked, pleasantly surprised.

"Yeah. That's sexy," she replied. It was a fairly common pet name, but hearing it roll from Shane's tongue in his gravelly voice fanned the flames already threatening to consume her like a pile of brush dry and brittle from the late autumn sun.

"I'll call you whatever you want. Whatever makes you happy."

"You make me happy," she said, the words tumbling from her mouth before she had time to filter them, hoping they didn't sound as creepy as she feared.

"Kristen…" He trailed off, breathing heavily as she pressed the speaker to the shell of her ear. "Um — they're black," he finally answered, committing to the little game she'd laid before him on a silver platter. "What are you wearing, babe?"

"Just a tank top and panties. Both white. You want me to keep them on or?" She let the question hang, kicking the ball into his court.

"On. For now." He paused again, and she heard more shuffling before he whispered, "I meant what I said before. I miss you, and it's kinda fucking with me."

"Oh?" she asked, insecurities flaring anew.

"I just… want you. Fuck, I'm not good at —" he sighed, seemingly collecting his thoughts before he continued. "It was nice sleeping next to you the past couple of nights. Wish you were here right now."

She nearly sighed in relief, unsure why she was so paranoid that he'd change his mind about everything on a dime, leaving her high and dry.

"What would you do to me if I was?"

"You really wanna know?" he asked as if gauging her interest. It seemed no matter how insecure she felt at any given moment, Shane was probably feeling the same, which was preposterous.

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't."

"Uh —" He cleared his throat and blew a breath from his nose, flooding her earpiece like she was in a wind tunnel. "I'd run my hands all over your body. Over the clothes. Just to feel you."

The uncertainty radiating from him excruciatingly clinched Kristen's heart. Even those few words from him had her pulse pumping and her breaths shallow, so turned on that she considered sneaking in through his window like a horny teenager.

"Then what?" she asked as her hands followed the course she imagined Shane's would take as he spoke.

"Then I'd slip my hands inside your panties. Feel how wet you are," he rasped, sounding as if his confidence was returning as Kristen spurred him on. "Are you wet now, pretty baby?"

"Fuck," she sighed, pushing her fingers below the elastic, gliding over her pubic hair before allowing her middle digit to nestle between her lips. "I love that, too — pretty baby. Your voice is so sexy, Shane." She sucked in a deep breath and lightly pressed down on her clit, just enough to tease. "I'm soaked."

"Are you touching yourself?" The question was abrupt and demanding, and Kristen found herself biting back a whimper.

"Yes."

"Good," he said, arousal evident in his tone. "Rub your clit and imagine my mouth."

"Shane —" she whined, following his order.

"You taste so fucking sweet, babe. I loved shoving my tongue in your cunt. You make so much noise when I touch you, Christ. "

"Is that bad?" She asked, only half playfully.

"No, pretty baby. It's good. It's so good. Makes me feel like I'm doing something right."

"You've done everything right," she confirmed. Her middle and index fingers stroked either side of her clit, up and down, agonizingly slow.

"Yeah? You like the way I fuck you?" he asked, voice now slightly strained. "I make you feel good?"

"You have no idea," she began, a quiet moan slipping past her lips as she increased the pressure on her clit. "Are you touching yourself too?"

"Yeah, babe," he rasped. "You love this dirty talk, don't you? God, you're filthier than I ever could have imagined."

"You've imagined?" she asked, encouraging him to continue. He seemed to have broken through the initial awkwardness, and the things pouring from his mouth were so lewd she felt scorched with lust.

"Kristen." He sounded almost exasperated as if it were common knowledge that he'd thought extensively about her in such a carnal manner. "You still don't get it?"

"Have you jerked off thinking about me before?" she asked, attempting to pivot quickly enough to keep him talking.

He was silent for several seconds before admitting, "Yeah…"

"Me too," she said, soothing the hesitancy that had crept back into his voice. "Like a month after we met, I was fucking myself with my fingers, imagining you pounding me into the mattress. You've held me in the palm of your hand for so long."

A low guttural growl rumbled through her earpiece, and she swirled the pads of her fingers around her clit harder, faster. The tightness in her belly contracted as her thighs shifted inward, tiny sparks of pleasure licking at her nerve endings.

"I wanna shove my cock inside you right now," he declared between harsh pants. The shuffling of sheets became more evident as he continued. "You like it a little rough, huh? You begged for it. Pretty baby, I'd do anything to make you happy. You know that, right?"

A wordless whine ripped from Kristen's throat, climax mere seconds away. " Oh … Shane —"

"You gonna come soon?"

"Yes, baby. I'm so close," she answered, now stroking her clit with long, fast drags from the pads of her fingers, so wet that they slipped over the sensitive nub effortlessly.

"So am I," he growled. Kristen could tell he was still attempting to keep as quiet as possible, even while winding her tighter than a banjo string. "You're so fucking beautiful. I can't believe you want me. I can't — shit! — I'll move in with you. I'll do it all with you. Whatever you want."

And that was it. Shane's groans and grunts muffled as her body temperature spiked and her knees slammed together. The motion of her fingers slowed and then stilled completely as waves of pleasure lapped at the shore of her consciousness, receding slowly, bit by bit, as she gasped and moaned his name. Somewhere at the beginning of her afterglow, Shane's own moaning became unmistakable as he chanted her name in return. Kristen committed the audio to memory, convinced even decades later that it was the most erotic thing she'd ever heard in her entire life.

❦❧🍓❦❧

Kristen awoke the following morning with Shane's lust-laden words still whirling around in her mind like an unshakable vortex. Rationally she knew it was most likely fuck talk. People tend to say things they wouldn't otherwise when on the precipice of orgasm. Shane had sidestepped her request to live with her on the farm twice in the span of as many days, so she wasn't exactly optimistic that what he'd agreed to the previous night was ironclad. Still — she knew she had to make some important decisions and follow through with them before the day was out.

Checking the time on her phone, she noticed it was already past 6 am and that there had been a missed call from Shane right before 5. Initially, panic gripped her heart. No one called that early unless it was bad news, so she tapped the voicemail notification and held her breath as his groggy voice greeted her from the recording.

"Hey, um, Morris just called and wants me to come in early. I can't really say no right now, so I can't come by to check the hens this morning. I'll be by after, though, okay? I, uh — also had fun last night. Well, all weekend, I guess. Shit… whatever. I sound like an idiot. I'm hanging up now."

Kristen laughed as the recording ended with Shane mumbling something else under his breath that she couldn't decipher, utterly endeared by the way he was so obviously trying his best. The playfulness of their friendship seemed just out of grasp now that sex had been introduced to the mix, though, and she wondered if he felt obligated to change his behavior toward her because of it or if he was trying to get more comfortable with expressing his feelings differently. Either way, she wanted to clarify that one dynamic didn't have to cancel out the other. More than anything, she valued the effortless rapport they'd developed over the years. She loved the lighthearted teasing and the way he never let her get away with too much. He called her out on her bullshit and vice versa, becoming a support system for one another that didn't rely on obligations and expectations.

Finally willing herself out of bed, the farmer tended to the chores she could do on her own without too much strain on her injured hand. Luckily, she had no crops to harvest, and the hens were content to munch on the fresh grass for another day, preferring it over hay anyway.

She took extra care with her regular grooming, even applying a bit of makeup, throwing on a casual sundress, and miraculously wrangling her bush of curls into a loose French braid that ended at her waist, always amazed at how long her hair actually was when it wasn't kinked to hell and back. By the time 10 am chimed on the large clock in town square, Kristen pulled open the front door to the clinic, a blast of frigid air conditioning chilling her to the bone.

"Hi, Kristen!" Maru greeted from behind the counter. Her welcoming smile almost blotted out the anxious energy buzzing at the base of Kristen's spine. "You look cute today!"

"Thanks, Maru. I'm here for my appointment."

"Yes! Harvey's expecting you," she replied, pulling a chart from a stack behind her and motioning for the farmer to follow her to the back of the clinic. Harvey sat on a stool in the examination room, seemingly engrossed in a medical magazine with a headline that read 'Breathing Oxygen Linked to Staying Alive.'

"Ah, hello, farmer. I was wondering if you'd show up," the doctor said with a jovial smile. With practiced ease, Maru handed the chart to her boss quite discreetly before exiting the room and closing the door behind her.

"Good one," Kristen replied. If anyone knew how stubborn she could be, it was the only medical doctor in town, constantly reminding her of her overdue physicals and begging her to take days off when she worked through late autumn bouts of flu.

"I am glad you're here," Harvey said as he pulled on a pair of latex gloves and prepared his supplies. "Take a seat."

The crinkle of white paper drawn over the uncomfortable vinyl-covered bed triggered something primal deep in her gut, and she began to breathe heavily, anticipating how her wound would be poked and prodded. Her stomach rolled, and she suppressed the urge to lay back, attempting to deny that panic was slowly overtaking her rational mind.

"Relax, Kristen," Harvey soothed as he pulled his rolling stool over with a tray filled with scissors, alcohol, tape, and gauze. "I'm just taking a look. I need to see how it's healing and ensure you're infection-free. Nice and easy. Okay?"

"Yeah," she replied, the word leaving her mouth by no will of her own. Deep down, she was glad that Harvey was so in tune with her distress, but right now, she was incredibly irritated that she was so terrible at disguising it.

As the doctor promised, the procedure was relatively quick and painless, ending with only a few reprimands when Harvey deduced that the swelling and bruising weren't subsiding due to her inability to follow his explicit direction of 'no use whatsoever.'

"I've made an appointment for you with the specialist I spoke about in Zuzu City. She had a cancellation and can see you on Friday. I hope that's okay," Harvey said as he rewrapped her hand. "Maru has the details when you check out."

"Thanks, Harvey. I really appreciate all you've done."

"Don't mention it. Well, there's currently no infection, which is good. How's the pain?" he asked, securing the last bit of gauze with medical tape.

"Not terrible. I've been kind of distracted."

"Indeed," Harvey quipped as he stripped off the latex gloves and tossed them in a nearby trash can.

Kristen rolled her eyes, not surprised but perturbed nonetheless. "Don't."

He shot her a look as if to question her sudden hostility, but a sly smile could be detected under his mustache.

"You mentioned wanting to discuss something else when you phoned ahead earlier?" he asked, opening her chart to scribble a few notes and double-check a post-it stuck to the paper in Maru's script.

"Yes," Kristen confirmed, hating that she was already blushing. "Birth control."

❦❧🍓❦❧

The farmer stepped out into the heart of town square with a bag containing a refill of pain medication, 3 months' worth of birth control pills, spare gauze and tape, and an appointment card for one Dr. Margaret Walker, Orthopedic Surgeon. Despite the already blistering heat, the day ahead held a promise of optimism as Kristen took the 10 steps towards Pierre's General Store and opened the door to find the shopkeep at his usual post.

"Farmer Kristen! So nice to see you again!"

"Hey, Pierre." She responded to his overzealous greeting with a casual wave as she approached the counter. "You up for knocking off another 20 percent from my usual bill of sale? I have about 50 gallons of blueberries that I can't get here on my own."

"Anything for you, my dear," Pierre replied, all too happy with the hefty discount with minimal effort. "Is that all, or do you need anything from the store to be dropped off?"

"Actually, yeah. One bouquet, please. The nicest one you have."

"Oh?" The shopkeep lowered his glasses, peering at her above the rim ostentatiously. She smirked but said nothing more than when he should arrive for the pickup.

Her next destination was the Saloon, stopping to chat with Evelyn along the way as she tended to the flower displays, promising to drop off her casserole dish the next time she was in town.

"Don't worry about it, dear," Evelyn said, waving her off. "I'm just glad to get the opportunity to put some meat on those bones. You're just as skinny as your old grandpa. I used to get on him, too, you know. All that hard work can't get done without lots of food made with love."

By the time Kristen entered the Stardrop — the first customer of the day — she had just enough time to place an order with Emily before skipping back out into the summer sunshine on her path toward Joja Mart. 

"Hey, farm girl," Alex called when he spotted her cutting through the grass next to Dusty's enclosure. "How's the hand?"

Not wanting to be rude, she stopped and regarded him with an easy smile while the dog pressed his snout through the gap in the boards and sniffed at her. "Hey, Alex. Hand's doing good."

"Nice, nice…" he said, tossing what appeared to be an entire steak into Dusty's bowl. "Figure you took my advice since I didn't hear from you."

Kristen couldn't suppress a curt laugh in response. Once again, his unshakable confidence had her in awe. Somehow, he didn't come off as cocky so much as incredibly self-assured.

"Sure did," she admitted, already aware that the majority of the town was probably whispering about her and Shane even as she stood there. She saw little use in trying to be coy.

"Awesome. That Shane guy really needed to get his dick wet. So uptight, man. Hey, I'm happy for both of you."

"Okay, I'll see you around," she said while walking away. It was the best method of departure she could conjure up that didn't include her dazed from more earth-shattering insight from the jock. Still, she chuckled under her breath, shaking her head and hoping that Alex Mullner was an anomaly she would only encounter once in her lifetime.

Joja Mart loomed ahead as she approached the footbridge, tall and imposing — an unpicturesque eyesore on the edge of such an idyllic town. She dreaded every second she spent on the property, the sensation of ants crawling and burrowing under her skin almost overwhelming as the electronic doors slid open and the clinical blue interior assaulted her senses. She'd once been told such a response was the direct result of mental trauma, but she'd scoffed, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that everything she'd done while in the monopoly's employ was intentional and without coercion.

"Welcome to Joja Mart," the dead-eyed cashier greeted as Kristen stepped over the threshold into retail hell. "We're having a sale on Berry Blast Joja Cola, 5 percent off if you buy 10 cases."

The robotic nature of the unfortunate girl's voice made it clear that the farmer could set off a row of roman candles in front of her register, and she wouldn't flinch. So, Kristen regarded her with a quick "thanks" and proceeded toward the aisles in pursuit of the only thing she'd be caught dead picking up inside.

"Well, well — if it isn't Mrs. Jarret. It's been some time since you've stepped foot in your old stomping grounds."

Kristen stopped dead in her tracks and tensed as if she were a doe caught off guard by the snap of a twig under a hunter's boot. The nasally voice and smug inflection were instantly recognizable.

"You know that's not my name anymore, Morris," Kristen replied, turning to face the man as he stood uncomfortably close to her.

"Ah, pardon me! Sometimes old habits are just so hard to break — Ms. Wynand ," he said with a crooked smile that always unnerved her. "To what do I owe the pleasure of such a visit, hmm? Surely you're not shopping."

His last line held an edge of accusation that plucked just the right nerve at the base of Kristen's brain, and she supposed that it was intentional. For as long as she'd known the man, he'd had a knack for sinking his claws into the softest spots of a person, digging in, twisting, anchoring them until something snapped, and he was left with his hands in the air, feigning innocence.

"I'm looking for Shane," she admitted, seeing no point in beating around the bush.

"Shane is very busy right now." Morris shoved his glasses up his nose and looked down at her, failing to intimidate. Even at her stance of 5 foot 9, the store manager easily overtook her by several inches.

"I'm sure he is, but it's after noon. He has an hour lunch break," Kristen pointed out, narrowing her eyes. "I know you haven't forgotten about that. Nor about the fact that I'm still a licensed attorney who knows the ins and outs of Joja's business practices like the back of my hand."

Morris smirked, rocking on his heels as he pretended to mull over her thinly veiled threat. "I knew the farm life would be lacking for you, Ms. Wynand. You're just too smart and tenacious to let your brain atrophy over bushels of parsnips and corn. Such a shame." Before she could reply, he unclipped a clunky walkie-talkie from his Joja-issued belt and pressed the button on the side. "Shane Davis, you're free to go to lunch. Oh, and you have a guest at the front of the store. Best not keep her waiting."

Kristen scowled as Morris shot her another self-satisfied look and waddled back toward the tiny closet he thought of as an office. Calling attention to the fact Shane had a "visitor" was a calculated move designed to glue every set of eyes within earshot of the conversation to the farmer as she stood awkwardly next to the cash register.

"Um, hey," Shane said, approaching her from the side and startling her enough to make her gasp. "Saw you talking to Morris. What was that about?"

"Remember when I said I'd finally tell you why I left Joja?" He nodded his head, and she sighed. "Morris likes to rub it in whenever he gets the chance."

"You're being cryptic again," he said, removing his cap to scrub a hand through his flattened hair.

"I know. Now's not the time for all that anyway. You have an hour for lunch, and it's my treat!"

"Huh?" he asked, undoubtedly confused. "You must have said something to him if he's letting me take an entire hour."

Ignoring the comment, Kristen grabbed his hand and tugged him toward the exit. "Come on, I ordered a pizza at the Saloon, and it's probably just about ready."

"What's in the bag?" he asked, raising their interlocked hands to show it dangling from her elbow. 

"Oh, you'll find out later."

*****

End Note: Shout out to my pals in the Farmers Only Discord server for helping me name Kristin's ex-husband, Jason William Jarret. lmfao. The most douche bag name ever conceived.

[crappy-coffee]

Literally any of the romances. Take your pick, they’re all terrible to some degree. You can even come back to this ask if you wanna do more than one.

They’re all terrible to some degree

I would have to disagree with you on that one to be honest. Like I’ve said before, I believe Pixane is the best one.

Personally I think Jaya is fine. It’s not amazing but it’s good. I’d just change that one moment in the pilot episodes, and rewrite Rebooted and Skybound. After those points I’d even say they’re a good couple.

But the one’s I want to change are Kai and Skylor, Lloyd and Harumi, and Lloyd and Akita.

Kailor

For Kai and Skylor, god just make them get together or don’t. Enough with the wishy washy bullshit and pick something. Make definitive character decisions. I already made a post about how I view Kailor so I’ll just screenshot it here.

Also yeah I’m having open LGBT+ characters because who the fuck is gonna stop me?

Lloykita

There’s so many problems with this ship starting with the fact that I saw Akita as a little child for so long (I looked it up, she isn’t so. Good job Ninjago) bc to me her model looks small. Other actual problems include; It’s boring & predictable, we never see Akita again, and it’s a last second kiss on the cheek.

It kinda sucks because I actually like Akita but if you’ve seen my season 11 rewrite then you know that I’ve gotten rid of her and the never realm completely. So the way I’m fixing it is just throwing it away. Maybe she can appear in my season 10 rewrite but we’ll see. Absolutely no romance with Lloyd though.

Llorumi

So what if I told you that this ship killed my hope in Ninjago’s writing team, because I would tell you that I’m exaggerating for comedy. In reality it just made me sit back and go “Wow. They really did that huh.”

Here’s my hot take, I love Lorumi! I love the idea that Lloyd falls in love with someone who takes advantage of him. I love the idea that Harumi is against the Ninja, and is super manipulative. I love the idea that Lloyd still has feelings for Harumi after the reveal for a little while!

Here’s what I don’t love. Ninjago’s failed attempt to use trauma as a way to make a villain sympathetic. The way Harumi’s plan is so fucking stupid AND that it bring Garmadon back. The fact that Lloyd drags his feet about his feelings for over 5 SEASONS and is STILL in love with her during the most recent one. Even worse that Harumi apparently RETURNS these feelings?? Are you kidding me??

Oh and don’t get me started on the fact that they tried to do a last second redemption arc before fucking KILLING her. You ever notice that the guy villains get more sympathy in character while the 2 main girl villains get the worst treatment. Because I do and it’s SO frustrating. 

How do I fix this? Well first of all I do as I mentioned with Kailor earlier, PICK A SIDE. God please no more back and forth just pick one. Here’s what happens in my rewrite.

Harumi is the quite one, sure, but she’s not in charge. She’s just the lead of communications and is doing an inside job on the ninja. We get the same scene of the harbor and blah blah blah but here’s the thing. The other Sons of Garmadon want to commit mass destruction with the Oni masks, something they keep secret from Harumi. So we do a double twist.

Harumi reveals she’s the quite one and her motives; that nobody is taking accountability for the destruction that the Ninja leave behind. Someone has to pay for all the lives they couldn’t save, and the police force in Ninjago has been slacking off HARD because of the Ninja. 

Later, during a ceremony to give the wearer’s of the masks the full powers of the Oni (Garmadon is NOT being brought back fuck you) when Harumi realizes they aren’t planning on using these powers to help Ninjago like they promised. She tries to fight the other leaders but she gets her mask taken and she’s ditched.

Harumi then goes back to the Ninja to work with them to stop the Sons of Garmadon. When Lloyd asks why they should trust her, she responds “My values are more important then my pride. If you are the same then you will accept my help as I will accept yours. For Ninjago, nothing else.”

I want Harumi to drop the act at this point. She resents the Ninja but knows it’s better to work with them at times. Harumi remains as a minor antagonist throughout the series from this point on. She doesn’t hurt others but still stands against the Ninja. I think it would be refreshing to have another force of good that doesn’t stand with the main characters. Really make them question their morals y’know? Lloyd gets over himself after like 2 seasons and they don’t have feelings or get together anymore ever :]

Tldr; Kailor is free food, Lloykita is dumb, and Llourmi happens but not really.