#Doesn't tell me things for literal YEARS so I can't fuckin help then gets mad when I didn't do anything

[aw-bean-s]

sometimes I just wish my friends liked me the way other people's seem to

[gold-snek-hoe]

Hello and welcome to Opinions from an Internet Nobody. Today's essay:

"Ger therapy" is the new "You need Jesus": One Weirdo's Navigation through Cultural Shame

This is a supposedly well-meaning sentiment that is often weaponized against people who are behaving outside of perceived cultural norms. It's a favorite of homophobes who see queerness/transness as a mental illness, but I've been seeing it used to demonize kink (which historically is often linked to queerness), and more generally any "weird" behavior that makes people uncomfortable.

For example, otherkin, systems (especially those with fictives), and people who take fictional characters as partners. Y'know, "weirdos" who "can't separate reality from fiction." And, sure, sometimes there can be a problem with that distinction, but I know as well as you that most internet strangers saying "get therapy" don't actually give a shit about the mental health of those they target. It's code for "your behavior makes me uncomfortable, stop it."

Same sentiment as "you need Jesus."

This has actually taken me a long time to figure out. I've been in therapy for my entire adult life, working through various traumas, severe depression, anxiety, all that. Those were the biggest problems as they negatively impacted, and often endangered, my life. It was only after my hospitalization in 2020, where I was finally put on much needed medication, that I could start to grow into myself.

I changed my name. I top surgery. I came out as polyamorous. I finally got my official autism diagnosis. Now I'm fuckin' married! But... there are still things I'm working through in therapy. Mainly, shame over my "weirder" behaviors. My current therapist has been a huge blessing in helping me accept the things I was too ashamed to admit.

Now, I feel comfortable enough to share.

I'm otherkin. Always have been. My connection to my humanity is tenuous, and I'm sure that's connected to my autism. When mad, I feel phantom horns sprouting from my forehead. I have a tail that swishes back and forth at the base of my spine. In my soul, I am monstrous, and years of therapy has not erased that.

I feel like I'm only half in the physical world most of the time. This doesn't hinder my real-world success (I graduated college Summa Cum Laude, have an IMDB page, and am on my third book), but informs the way I look at the world. There's a whole other universe in my head that hums along with me in my day-to-day. That's part of why I'm so skilled as a writer. To ask me to divorce from that is to tell me to stop existing. Sorry, it's how I've always operated.

Lastly, and this is the one I'm really anxious about, I have a fictional husband. Now, looking at my blog, you might say "yeah, no shit," but I don't just ship myself with him. I mean I practice pop-culture Witchcraft, and the Goblin King is my patron. I mean I have a Labyrinth-themed tarot deck that I talk to him with. I mean I held a ritual to spiritually marry him. Basically, I Snape-wived myself.

And guess what? My therapist isn't concerned. It's not hurting my ability to live my life. I have other interests, hobbies, and goals outside of him, which he actively encourages in all our tarot sessions! I wouldn't be doing this if he didn't support me. My IRL spouse is usually there for whatever magical shit I'm doing, and supports me! Some of my closest friends know, and the only complaint I've gotten is "this guy seems important to you, I wish you told me sooner." Hell, my MOTHER knows and supports me, which is huge, because our relationship was pretty damaged after I came out as trans.

If you have a problem with the way I live my life, when literally nobody else does, take a good long look at why. You don't give a fuck about my mental health. You just don't like that I'm weird.

Tl;dr: My mental health is better than it's ever been since embracing the weird, so leave me and my imaginary husband Marak Sixfinger alone.

[inmyhorrorsera]

S5E6 "Urgent Care" thoughts

Colin being interesting was a cool idea that never crossed my mind it could be possible... but I think it was presented a little... abruptly? It's like there wasn't any prelude to this plot.

I can't add more fuel to my one-sided beef with FX networks merch department but seriously guys: Froguillermo plushies/figurines!!! You just don't want to make money at this point (look at me being all capitalist and shit).

Already said it in a different post but the Nandor/Colin pairing is very rare and I was pleasantly surprised how much I enjoyed it, considering both have this "nuisance of the group" energy. I noticed that Nandor storylines usually are very isolated if he doesn't have one with Guillermo or a is part of a bigger group. He has few plots with only one of his roomies (again, without counting Guillermo).

That dangling feet looked disgusting. Loved it.

I cant say much about the scene of Colin with the actor (didn't make me laugh so much), so a personal anecdote: for years I believed this Mad Men dude and Ted Danson from The good place were the same person.

I lied, there was a moment that made me laugh: in the car when it looked like Colin was successfully about to bore the actor, the camera pans to Nandor, and he looks SO devious, like his eyes were literally shining at the sight of Colin feeding (and his plan working).

Another thing I already mentioned in a separate post, but the set design of this hospital place was *chef's kiss*. It looked so good and expensive. You can tell when the people behind the scenes show care for their craft (reminds me of the beautiful sets from "The Night Market," one of the only good things from that episode).

Anyone noticed a random vampire wearing those lamp collars for pets on the waiting room? Made me think good kinky things I shan't say!

I've read lots of people mentioning this, and I agree with all of them: THIS is the Nadja and Guillermo crazy murderous shenanigans that we felt robbed of in S4.

also lmao of course i cant make one of these s5 thoughts without trashing s4. Yes, I sound traumatized (its because i am).

Nadja punching guys doesn't have the right to be this sexy.

There are rooms on this supernatural hospital that genuinely looked scary.

The Guide random appearance was more like "hey we're billing Kristen Schaal as a main cast now, so we have to put her somewhere", also she's wearing her hottest outfit thus far :D

High Guillermo was hilarious, and I think we don't praise Harvey's comedy chops on this show enough. (Usually, I see his dramatic moments being more highlighted.)

I CALLED IT! At the start of the episode I thought "oh so this is the episode when Nadja LEARNS". I also predicted right that every housemate will learn the truth about Guillermo except for Nandor, c'mon! that's a classic storytelling trope and I fuckin love how high drama all this shit is. Also happy that FINALLY I called something right with this show, the past year all my predictions on twt were debunked by bad writing, so I'm glad to have one W.

Nandor being desperate for a dying Colin, then Colin helping Nandor back. LOVE!

D.C + A.S.S.

Nandor has "the privilege" of murdering Guillermo… h*ly shit its all about the language this writers choose sometimes.

At first I dint get what the little frog said, but lovely people on this site helped that it croaked "guillermo"... so....what's up with that?

Biggest laugh of the night: "Guillermo you think I'm an idiot?" "Say no".

Yay this shit is gonna hurt so bad and I'm so ready for it. I want Tears! Blood! Screaming accusations!! High Drama!!!

Seriously, where's the Djinn?

[himbo-in-limbo]

Kure Rain x s/o Rant! (New season spoilers)

[tw gore n bloody stuff mentioned]

In hype of the new season (that I literally just finished binge watching a couple days ago)

It got me thinking of my mans

That crazy bastard that I love sm Kure Raian

(I'm so fuckin mad about what was supposed to be his big fight when the coup happened)

Anyways anytime I read a fic of Raian x reader it's always the same-ish thing of the reader not fully loving the sheer brutality that Raian is

I can't be the only one that gets excited seeing him covered in blood! Like dawg if I saw him all nice n bloody like that with a sexy smile comin at me all nonchalant

Like "Hey baby~ did you like the bloodbath?" I'm jumping on him and making out right then n there..

I wanna be covered in the same blood ya feel me? (That's TMI probably..)

It's probably bc I'm a fan of gore or something but like you gotta understand that killing is not only his job ITS HIS PASSION

And him being an asshole is also part of it, sure you can try n convince him to not FULLY kill someone but honestly I'd say you have a 1% chance of succeeding...

It'd have to be a solid good reason tho

Not just cuz your his partner...

Even so! Odds are the person he's messing with is a stranger to you 😭 (if your not into him killing random ppl then maybe not be in a relationship with him)

He has few morals...which align with his assassin fams code but he's just a morally grey character

That's what's so hot about him honestly

You can't ever really predict who he'll spare and for what reason...

But you get to see his fine ass just deal with grown ass men like nothing is a treat all in it's own

Hell we don't even know how he'd act in a relationship bc he hardly ever shows interest in anyone like that! He likes scarring people to hell tho

So I'd wager if you "end up with him" expect it to be a big ol situationship...

It's best to not put labels on it bc if you pressure him with that he looks like the type to leave...

And even if you are sick of it! Just tell him up front that he can either make it official or you'll leave!

That might make him realize that he has something genuine with you OR y'all just break it off and you can find yourself a better partner

Bc lets face it 😭 he's....not the best

His familys great tho I bet they'd be all over you

Especially if you're cool with reproducing an heir 💀

If not hey their just shocked he was able to find ANYONE that would "date" him

Like really? Him? Okay...

Raian doesn't strike me as the type to care much if you leave him, tho if you did have a profound impact on him

I think he'd stalk you for a bit...you'd never know he's there btw

He'd totally stalk the hell outta your new partner tho...and if their no good he'll kill em with much thought..

He dose care in his own way :D it's just bat shit crazy

I feel like If Raian did have a canonical partner they'd have to be a bit cooky themselves ya know? 😭

N yeah he might not say much but he dose better expressing his feelings through acts of service or just in general sleeping with you

Bc again we haven't seen him interact with anyone like that or show interest at all!

So odds are him sleeping with people is a rare thing! (Demisexual ass...)

But yeah back to him fighting n stuff I feel like he'd be super happy if his partner was also excited about seeing a real blood bath of a fight

Like yeah probably not the best influence on him like that but asdhsjsnskk

Honestly I wouldn't be able to help it

He's like when ppl are in love with the horror icons

You love ppl like ghost face n Jason! There def not gonna stop doing what they do! N their hella crazy!

That's the vibes Raian gives me...

The only thing that's different is, I feel like the more years you spend with him he WILL calm down by like 10% and he may not go off on ppl randomly like when he was younger but he'd still do it on occasion...

[incarnateirony]

Here's the thing, I was around this crazy bitch long enough I, too, like I'm certain Mark and others are in the state of, let her absolutely fuck my head up for a while falling into her shit under good faith, "everything's equal and valid", whatever the fuck.

I KNOW by now she's said some shit that doesn't add up, she can't fucking help herself, but they'll keep putting bandaids on it to repair the narrative and make excuses for why The Great God Hermes can't see SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT.

When I left that house I literally had to fucking recalibrate my shit because she got me all knocked off center, I basically had to re-teach myself some shit while processing out, yeah, I too let her pull me into some ritual madness to comply with her whims. She did, indeed, get me deep in enough that for a year or so there I thought she could Boop the god Pan into my head because of our working connection, and I'd act all feral and feel like someone different, but it's just a disassociative personality state, which is why I cut her off on her "practicing" and RP, and then these motherfuckers all come in and join the crazy bus voluntarily, and here we are, 3 years later, with her still riding my dick in every way imaginable.

Like i truly had to process this bitch's Toxic Crazy off of me like an alchemical fucking event. Letting her wave around a sage stick and feel like she chased out Casper wasn't hurting anyone, but at this point we are so far past one flew over the cuckoo's nest.

The great god hermes couldn't even tell her I personally wasn't in independence when she tried to shitpost to be a smartass. I'm in Blue Springs, you dumb ho. I set your dumb ass up saying independence like a year ago. Someone else was waiting for you there. He even was telling you to call the doctor, you were going to the doctor. And you know, it's who you were looking for, it's just they don't conveniently look like my face. Yeah Shea, why DID it look like Silent Hill until the day your spider died at the domestic spider equivalent of 40 years old, right when you were told don't fight it, it's coming for you, the walls can't stop us now, everything you ever wanted was right in front of you, this was where you want to be, pokemon battle initiated, he's about to be knocked out cold. [insert Izanami fog joke of refusing to look at the truth and ultimately dying as the price]

Real weird that Kansas City Metro area had the densest fog coverage in the nationwide fogout same day my camera was shitting foggy bricks and stopped when the fog hit you bitching. You know, the densest coverage, except exactly where I fucking was, for a few mile radius, with no fog. Real fuckin weird. Notice these are all like, real events, that aren't just coming from inside my head, and at best you could argue I'm interpreting the events but there's a fucking difference here, try to spot it.

Then go watch percy jackson and get hilariously mowed down by the timing of every single fucking hermes element dropping a timeless, gift wrapped deuce on your head, somewhere between Persona 3 posting you can't escape time, only for it to early ship, only for it to also dump on your head, and a P5 leak, all when I was messaging you those songs before the leaks, and now after. All dropping titanic shits on you idiots. TO THE DUMB KIDS. GET BODIED. He's outside of space and time kids, why do you think they put him in charge of the mail--OH WAIT [pops in early Persona copy] OH LOOK AT THAT OPENING SHITTING ON YOUR FACES TOO. WONDER WHO ESCAPED TIME TO MANAGE THAT ONE, HUH ATLUS??

YOU KIDS KNOW HOW TO PLAY CRAPS???? DO NOT COME. DAMNIT YOU CUMMED, AND NOW THE FICTIONAL HERMES DEMIGOD LUKE ON TV HAS TO EXPLAIN WHY YOUR SPIDER IS DEAD, BASICALLY. LOTUS LOTUS LOTUSJUICE. BEETLEFUCKINJUICE COMING ONLY THIS MOTHERFUCKIN SEPTEMBER

Call it fucking "magic". Call it a fucking "god". It is what it is, but it certainly isn't my fucking face, and you refuse to engage it properly, just play until people pay the penalty for you fucking around.

You want to learn this shit shea, you think you do, but no, you want to play in the madness, not the reason. It's the collective subconscious, not a fucking punk rock mazda driver, but congratulations, the whole planet subconsciously knows you're nuts and kind of wants you in the dirt.

Goddamn you used to recommend Thenea, and deadass her interview with Hermes has him calling people stupid for calling him for what one calls classic magic. "Am I good at it? I mean, yeah, but [crochet story about being left or right handed] But my magic isn't right. It works for ME. Hekate is a goddess of magic that mortals can actually USE. I'll never understand why they call me instead of her. I can't teach you, go learn from a righty."

Cuz I'm gonna give you a big fuckin guess what his "magic" is. And we're gonna go right back to dragging your ass to a fucking shrink and having a Come To Jung moment here.

Face the goddamn music you obsessed bitch, you built a whole temple cult to humping my face because you couldn't delineate reality from fantasy. That's why you still had the psychotic compulsive energy to invest seven months blowing furries in a server just to try to harass my business partner three goddamn years after I left your ass and tried to forget you exist, but you won't fucking let me. You're fucking angry that I, he, whatever you perceive of it, fucking left you, and doesn't want you, and no amount of ripping out your hair or roleplaying is filling that fucking void, so you get angrier, and more obsessed, and now you're just fat, crazy, and bald, and you're just gonna keep on keeping on with your octopus jibberish instead of seeing a shrink. What you are experiencing is consequences of your actions and the stark realization that after 20 years of deluding yourself, you can't narratively replace real people, and it's not coming back.

LET US GO.

[woaddragoon-nadya]

Predicting the end of 2.55

Just finished up the fight for Ishgard, but I haven't started crystal tower yet so I'll give my thoughts just to see what comes of them. Also just some of my thoughts on stories/characters

Spoilers for 2.0 onwards below!

1. Betrayal of the Braves

I think the leader of the Braves is going to backstab Alphinaud. Obviously he's still alive given the trailers, but I think maybe the leader turns the Braves into an evil organization? I don't see any promo materials after this that include them. Idk he for sure killed that other kid. I just don't see the benefit other than money. Maybe he's a monetarist?

2. Alphinaud is SUPER immature

Alphinaud is pissing me off. Still love him, but he is just so naive. "You guys are the absolute worst for not helping Ishgard!! 😡😡"

The Admiral (being logical) "We have to farm out jobs to WOL because we don't have enough people for our own problems? Also we literally JUST had a war that killed hundreds (if not thousands) of soldiers? That Ishgard didn't help with? WOL also just uncovered a double agent within the Flames even though Ul'dah is already on the edge of collapse? Where are we getting soldiers from??" And Alphinaud, who really shouldn't even be at this meeting, gets mad at her! Buddy this is a stupid hill to die on!!

They always say the Alphinaud is the negotiator but I'd argue like half of the other scions would be better candidates. It always is so weird to me that everyone calls him "Commander Leveilleur." He looks and acts like he's 19 (coming from a 19 year old)! Surely Papalymo, Y'shtola, Thancred, or hell even Urianger would be better? Somebody more mature with fewer anger issues.

3. Losing the Light

Also, maybe its just the RPer in me, but I really wish there was more emphasis on WoL losing the light. Hopefully that'll come after the crystal tower quests? Imagine you're the chosen one. The fabric of the universe decides to make you her sword. And some dead fuckin dragon just takes it away for no reason? The main reason anybody gives a shit about WoL is because they are so powerful and special. So the fact that we can't tell anyone that a part of us got ripped away? Minfilia goes "aw that sucks." And we just don't do anything else? Moonbryda probably would've lived if we still had the light. And we aren't IMMEDIATELY swords/wands blazing killing the thing that did that to us?

Every time my WOL shrugs when asked how she's doing I want to tell at the screen. Like "Babes, you're TRAUMATIZED. Everybody uses you for their personal benefit. You just lost like half your ability to fight the people you are famous for fighting. Say something please!" And she does not.

4. Tarturu future?

My final note: If Tarturu dies I'll riot. Idk I'm terrible with facial expressions so maybe it wasn't meant to be sinister but her send off at the end of her little quest is making me nervous.

5. Final Thoughts

I absolutely adore FFXIV, and I hope this doesn't make anybody think I don't. Most of it is great. I'm super happy to be working with Cid and his crew for the Crystal Tower because they were by far my favorite part of ARR. I've really been enjoying the 8-mans even though I fucked one up earlier by not looking up the mechanics beforehand (what a way to be introduced to tank busters lol). It's just some of the story stuff that can be a little frustrating. I know that shrugging off your trauma is kind of just the way it goes with MMORPGs but knowing that doesn't make me feel any better y'know?

[magicrainbowkitties]

Several hours ago I had a chat with a friend of mine. We've not spoken in awhile, but he was a very dear friend for a long time, one that helped me through some of the toughest times in my life.

And he. He started spouting transphobic bullshit. About how "amab people in the bathroom is a security risk," how men are "posing as women" to "break records" in women's sports, how he's unconcerned with "afab people" in the bathroom because, and this one is a direct quote, "men can usually defend themselves." Just... The most run-of-the-mill shit. That would take 4 seconds of listening to ANY of the things I've told him over the years or ANY of the videos I've sent him explaining shit like this to understand is BULLSHIT.

And I told him that he was starting to scare me.

And he "white guy blinking"ed me.

And asked if it was the same kind of scared I was back in the day when my now-ex and I had to "pressure him" into taking the fuckin covid vaccine. AND HE'S STILL MAD ABOUT IT BECAUSE "IT WASN'T EVEN EFFECTIVE."

There's a reason I distanced from him. But this...

It's so fuckin scary to listen to, to watch this happen. It's like I'm watching him choke down poison, and then he gets mad at me for telling him that I care about him and that he needs to stop drinking fucking poison.

And he's not even the only friend I've watched this happen to. I had a group of online friends that I watched turn into literal actual Nazis, despite my pleading and trying so hard let them know that I, a person they said they loved and cared about, was someone they were talking about *literally killing for being myself.*

But it did nothing, and I had to cut them out. Gods, I was only 16 when that happened. I was so fuckin scared, and I'm watching the exact same thing happen with someone I know in real life, who's been to my house, knows my number, has played a duo of brothers in DnD with me. I just... Losing friends is one thing. Losing them irretrievably to shit like this is just. The worst.

I don't know how to stop it from happening. But I also know that these are choices he's making and that I can't say The One Right Thing to change his mind.

But that doesn't mean it's not scary as fuck. It's like. Watching someone chug a whole bottle of poison, and then they get angry with you for saying they really shouldn't drink poison, not realizing that you don't want them to drink poison because you love them and don't want them to poison themselves.

[tell-me-my-name]

im gonna cry. my homefeed is just full of Palestinian children crying and it fckin hurts. what is israel doing? and for what?!

for land? for what? I don't understand. don't tell me its bc Hamas are terrorists or the Palestinians are attacking us. Isrrael took their land and for 75 years, terrorized them and still continue to do so with support from other countries while Palestine cannot even get aid from those who offer help.

or are they just killing them bc they are Muslims and Muslims are so-called terrorists?

For 75 years guys, 75 years, Palestine has been in war Israel and now that they make a move to protect themselves, they are 'terrorists'? I don't understand. the way some peoples mind works, its so stupid. fckin brainwashed.

I want to know why Israels actions are let go? what makes them better than Palestinians. all humans are equal and no human (s) are 'human animals' and none should be treated as so.

why are they killing them? Literally terminating them. And FOR WHAT?!

land. and so called terrorists.

goddamn.

im not trying to make anyone mad or insult anyone. im not saying israelians lives are worthless. They are getting injured too. But they have help. They have food, water, medical aid. Palestine doesn't. And that is inhumane. That is disgusting and cruel and whoever is preventing them from getting normal human necessities should be locked away.

First, they have nothing. No home, no food, no water, no aid. And then they are told to leave. Hilarious. They are told to leave. Leave where? Leave where?!

this needs to end.

both sides should peacefully end this. Make an agreement. divide the land if thats what they are fighting over.

and joe biden shouldn't be taking sides. It makes it worse. People look up to him and when he goes up and gives speeches and fuckin lies in them, he is brainwashing more and more people into thinking of innocent people who are protecting themselves as terrorists.

and people should think of this logically and not bring past events into this. all people say is that Muslims are terrorists and Hamas this and Hamas that. who cares. no one says anything when Palestinians are killed. when they have been for 75 years. ugh, it hurts. it hurts so much to see this happening. it hurts. for both sides. israelian citizens are getting killed too. they're deaths shouldn't be excused if i'm going to say that Palestinians lives shouldn't be excused. No death is right. No matter what type of person they are, they are still humans.

god this probably doesn't make sense. I just had to get it out. i just typed and typed, idk. im probably wrong on some things, idk. im sorry if offend anyone. its just rly sad to see this happening and ppl blaming Palestine when they can't even protect themself at the moment.

from the river to the sea, Palestine will be free ❣️

[bohemiansweede]

HOT SPACE

HOT SPACE

Fanfic

Pairing Brian May Reader

Warnings Smut 🔞

A/N Please like and reblog or if you want leave a comment

Thank You

✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️

- No.. I really like the "HOT SPACE" album Bri.. No matter what you or the critics might think..

- It's fuckin disco Y/N...

- Maybe it will take time for it to sink in for some people.. And it is just because you don't dance.. You'll never know.. maybe you like it later on..

Brian shrugged his shoulders and took down the last of his beer before he hinted to the bartender to give him another one

He looked around and saw John, clearly drunk dancing on around the tables, Freddie was happy, he chatted and mingled with everyone, Roger was cheerful and snuggled in his girlfriends neck

- Damn it.. This party sucks aswell.. maybe I begin tog get to old for this shit

The release party was a huge success for everyone.. well.. Everyone else but Brian

- Bri C'mon.. Cheer up a little, a new tour is coming, you enjoy to be on the road right?

- Yeah.. It's not that love.. Ehhmm, I have been thinking a lot lately and... I am well over 30 and.. Damnit.. I don’t have my own family.. Even Roger.. Can you believe Roger got a kid before ME!!

- Brian, you are drunk.., you have never mentioned this before..

You could clearly see the panic form in his eyes and even if he had been drinking, you knew he was right

You sipped on your drink and twirled the tiny umbrella between your fingers

- I am serious Y/N.. I have been so deep into writing and music that I have just literally missed everything else around me and.. I know that don't have a biological clock like you girls but... still... And you? You are still falling for wrong guys or am missing something?

You knew that he was right

All idiots were drawn to you like magnets, and you were closing in on 30..shit

- Sooo... What are you plan then, you are not exactly meeting your wife while sitting in your studio.. Or.. Hey.. You can go to one of thoose clinics and wank off in a mug... Giggle

- No fuckin way.. Are you fuckin mad??? I am kinda famous.. Have you forgot that?

You kept giggling, you could see him in front of you, sneak in there with a big coat and hat..

- Sry Bri... Just thought... Well... If not that and adoption is a deal for you.. I have a suggestion...

He stopped in motion and you could see his eyes widened like he already knew what you were about to say, you had been friends for a few years now and always joked about stuff but..

- Brian.. You want a a kid, a family... so do I, Ehhh.. Sooo ... why not help eachother?

Brian spat out his beer over the bar and almost dropped the glass and if his eye wasn't already fully wide..

His mouth fell open and he started to stutter and you were not quite sure if he was laughing or not

- Ohh.. Omg.. Y/N.. Ehh.. You said I was drunk but.. Omg.. You mean... Shit... Seriously?

He stopped laughing and looked and your serious face

- Omg.. You're really serious

- Hey guys!!! Cheer up!!!

Freddie came bouncing and slammed his palm in Brians back

- The party is over there!!, He pointed with his thumb towards the back of the room

- You go ahead Bri, I think it's time for me to go home..

- You sure sweetie? He wrapped you into a big hug that only he could, are we still having dinner next Friday?

- Yes.. I'll be over at 7 as usual.. You gaved a soft kiss on his cheek and saw him leaving with Freddie

You tried to not think of the embarrassing incidence during the week.

But had you really made a fool of yourself and said theese things? .. If so, you could only hope he would not remember any of it from that night

For as long as you could recall, you tried to hold on to the ritual to see eachother every Friday, from the beginning it was four of you from a science class, now it was only you and Brian

Of course it was a strouggle during the tour, but then he always called instead, from Asia, USA.. Sometimes boyfriends or girlfriends had joined and a few occasions you had been little waisted so you had shared a kiss or two, but.. never more...

You smiled for yourself while you jumped out from the taxi, Brian the hopeless romantic and gentleman

You really wished the best for him, a really sweet girl someone who..

- Y/N!!! HI!!!!!

- Hi Bri... Am I early?

- No.. God you look beautiful .., the food is in the owen, come in

He placed a soft kiss on your forehead and you breathed in his aftershave, he always smelled so good

- I brought wine, shall I open it?

You went into the kitchen where he had prepared vegetarian food, he were an amazing chef, your stomach almost screamed of hunger

He stod silent behind you.. watching

- Y/N.. The other day

- Bri.. I..

- No... S'alright.. been thinking tho... What did you mean when you said we should help eachother

Shit.. There was no turning back from this, he remembered.. every single word

Sometimes you really wish you were an ostrich

- You ok hunnie? He caressed your upper arm and an electrical stream went through your spine

- Brian.. Thing is.. You swallowed hard.. I was kinda hoping you forgot..

- I do not forget things like that Y/N..

You started to fiddle with the corkscrew..

- Have you changed your mind

- No.. No.. But.. I.. We didn't finish talk about it and.. It is not just to buy a loaf of bread you know..

It became silent again, you started to sip on your wine, no matter what were about to happen it was best to get shitfaced, in the corner of your eye you saw Brian pour a glass for himself aswell and never taken it down so fast

- Don't missjudge me, you are very attractive and it is not that... I wa.. I don’t... Damn it... But our friendship.. I am afraid that we are losing what we have..

- Me to Bri..me too, but I want a kid aswell .. And if this is the only way for us.. We might have both friendship and a baby..

- But... He put down his glass.. If it doesn't work.. I mean.. Do we ke..

- Keep trying? Yes.. I want it to work.., you closed the gap between the two of you

- B.. But.. This means that we are going to have sex right.. Shit.. I can't just.. you know.. without touching.. And..

He closed his eyes and bit his lower lip

You placed your head on his chest and trailed your hands up and down his back

- It's ok Bri.. It is just me...

- That's the thing... It's you.. You.. My friend.. My everything..

- Brian... Look at me

It was almost like he forbid himself to look at you, he shok his head and a tiny tear fell from his eye

- I want you... I want th..this.. s.. so bad.. He stuttered.. pl please.. let me kiss you

Finally your lips met, you let out a tiny whimper and your fingers tangled in his dark curls

You pushed your body against his and his hands fumbled with your blouse

- Oh.. No.. Brian.. Shit.. I want this to be so perfect.. Our first time.. Shall we.. shall we.. you phanted in his mouth

- It.. It is perfect love... It is with you..

He turned off the stove, the food were less important now, took your hand and led you down the hall to his bedroom

Never before had your own heart beaten so fast, it felt like your first time all over again, in one way it was but now it was with a man you were so sure of, that you had known so long

His head fell back and his eyes closed again.. you kissed him softly on his exposed neck and he started to breathe faster, his strong arms pulled you closer and you felt every muscle, every fibre in his body wanting you

- L.. Let me touch you..

His voice almost cracked

You helped him by taking his hand up to your breast and already hard nipple, he cupped it gently and started touching it while moaning in your ear

- Please Bri... I...

- Sssscchh... I know... I know.. Let's not rush it ok.. I have wanted to touch you for so long..

Your hips bucked against his crotch, you whole body was in flames

You tried desperately to unbuttoned his shirt and you both giggled a little

He cupped your face with his big hands and looked deep into your eyes

- You do know that I love you so much Y/N..

He kissed you with such passion and intensity, his tounge left a trail along your neck like a lava stream

- Omg Bri.. I.. I love I love you too...

- Mmmmm... There is soo much I want.. Mmm I want to do with you... I have thought about this so long..

He laid you down on the bed as you were a treasure, and hooked his long finger in your jeans

- Lift up hunnie

He smirked up at you and you tried to help him wiggle down your tight jeans, in same motion came your underwear and he gasped after air

- Brian... You have seen this before haven't you..

- N.. Not yours... Shit I.. Want to make you feel so good but I am afraid I might explode

- Bri.. We have time..

He took his long fingers and drawed patterns on your inner thighs while looking at your glistening core, with one finger he followed the slit between your folds up towards your nub and stopped

He looked at you while circling your clit fast with his thumb, his other hand held a tight grip around his member

He removed his thumb and replaced it with his mouth, he flicked his tongue in fast motion, he whined and whimpered against your core and you could tell he was struggling to hold back

- Ahhh Brian ohhh God, feels so good.. Ahhh yes....

Your walls were soon contracting in an orgasm and you took a firm grip in his hair and pulled him closer

- Bri... Ohh Bri... Please... I am ready.. Make me pregnant...

He looked up and smiled at you and once again you saw the tears were building up in his eyes..

Also you felt it...

This could be it..

It could be happening

He placed himself between your legs and kissed you soft on your lips and pushed a piece of your hair behind your ear

You felt him in your entrance slightly stretching you out bit by bit

You were trembling under him

You moved together in unison

His body were shaking and you knew that he could not hold back so much longer

- Omg Y/N... I.. Oh God ohhh.. I am so close...

He tried to slow down his pace but you stopped him by wrapping your legs around his back

- Ohh Yes Brian Fill me.. Fill me.. Please Ahh yes...

You could feel every vein on his throbbing cock was ready to push his seed inside your body

He snapped his hips a few more times until he came, you felt his warm wave of cum through your walls

Your final contractions emptied him on the last drops..

You wanted everything

All your limbs were tangled together, you laid like that for a long time before anyone said anything

- Do you think it worked Y/N?

- Mmmmm maybe?

- You know we cannot go back to the way we were even if it didn't work right away...

- I don't want to Brian...

- Me neither..

This had changed everything for you

And this first weekend actually did work... It planted a little seed inside of you

But neither of you knew that yet

That is another story

✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️✴️

Enjoy more reading in my masterlist

[youraveragegoat]

Me, all in good fun: *does something purposely overly dramatically feminine*

My mom, fully joking: Prissy

Me, fully joking: Homophobic

My dad, butting in: "but you're already trans, you can't be gay"

Me: >:^0

My mom: :^0

Me: Mom, do you want to tell dad why what he just said was wrong?

My mom, extremely smart: I won't explain it as well as you

Bc of this i told my parents I was extremely disappointed bc all throughout my transition, I've been asking them to educate themselves on queer issues and this is one of the most basic things and he still had no clue.

So I encouraged them to look up the Genderbread Person? Cause I figure its an easy to follow diagram, u kno? Oh here ill add it.

The next week I came by i asked them if they did and my mom talked about it a little bit and how there was a lot of helpful information and my dad stayed out of the conversation, until I mentioned we should be talking about it as a family. Which is when he admitted he hadn't even remotely bothered.

Which, obviously made both my mom and i upset, and so I printed the fuckin thing out. And made them look at it, and I said there were no stupid questions, and mom, bless her heart, jumped right into it and started asking.. basically about being butch and I love her so much, she has no clue, my mom is definitely queer, poor thing.

And my dad was like, how do we know this information is correct? You got it from the internet, how to we know somebody didn't change it?

(Which i would normally be proud of him asking, but he only asks that of stuff he doesn't agree with instead of everything 🙄)

So I explained who the people on the website are and also that, as a queer person, me saying the information is correct, Is Your Source.

AND THEN he was like, well youre gonna get mad at me bc I dont think there's more than two genders and that girls like mom can be tomboys and still be girls and guys can be girly and still be boys, and I was like. Yeah? That's true? And there's people who are neither or both who can be neither or both, and then my dad made the excuse of Well Your Mom and I Weren't Raised This Way And Also We're Christians

And BOTH my mom and I were like. Literally same? What does that have to do with anything??

AHHHH I COULD GO ON BUT I WONT we didn't really /argue/ as much as Please Acknowledge People Who Aren't Cis And Straight Exist

Idk. I straight up told him he needs to be making more of an effort bc its been years and nobodys seeing it from him.

My moms been buying and reading BOOKS. Like, talk about effort. Idk man im disappointed in him.. again lmao