#EIYF

[a-court-of-valkyries]

Engulfed In Your Flames Ch. 17 Teaser

He slowed his steps just slightly and backed up as Nesta twirled and twirled and twirled. She had caught the eye of every person in this room. She was Cauldron-Made. Lady Death. His Lady Death. A fiery diamond and a hurricane forged in the midst of a star. She didn't need him. She shined brightly all on her own, and he wanted everyone to know it.

[kalu-luwa]

will i ever finish any of my creative work? are my unfinished commissions and half-written drafts forever be sitting there, staring at me, daring me to finally release them from the purgatory of works in progress?

maybe.

[englishinyourface]

The Comma Crisis (ep.12)

Follow along on my podcast:

English in Your Face Ep. 12

Introduction

Hello and welcome to English in Your Face, a podcast for the intermediate and advanced English student. My name is Peter Mangiaracina and today’s podcast is about commas — the comma crisis.

I have just finished correcting about eight medical articles. I do medical translations from time to time and also check the English before publication in American and European journals in English. The two most common mistakes when I do corrections are the misuse of the definite article and the overuse of commas. Last time we talked about articles and how to use them, so today I’m going to talk about when you should use a comma.

Okay

Rule number one

Everyone should know this one, and I don’t really see many problems with it. You use a comma to separate items in a list.

For example: I bought milk, eggs, and cheese at the supermarket Saturday morning.

The last comma before "and" is called the Oxford comma. Although most people believe that this comma is optional, I prefer to use it because it can make a sentence unclear if you don't.

For example:

"They invited two prostitutes, Winston Churchill and Ernest Hemingway to the bachelor party."

If you write it that way without the Oxford comma, the reader think might think the names of the two prostitutes are Winston Churchill and Ernest Hemingway.

But if you write the sentence like this:

They invited two prostitutes, Winston Churchill, and Ernest Hemingway to the bachelor party,

then there is no confusion that they invited four people not two prostitutes with wildly unsexy names. Get into the habit of using that Oxford comma and avoid embarrassment.

Rule Number 2

Use a comma when you are beginning another independent clause beginning with a coordinating conjunction such as and, but for, or nor, so, and yet.

For example:

I woke up too early today, and I don’t know why. Another

The museum was closed, so we couldn’t get in.

We talked about independent clauses in an earlier podcast. An independent clause has a subject and a conjugated verb and it stands alone as a sentence:

I woke up too early is an independent clause (and therefore a sentence). I don’t know why is an independent clause and therefore a sentence.

So, we need the commas to separate these two clauses when we use a coordinating conjunction to make it clear they are two separate ideas. But if we take away the second subject in I woke up early today, and I don’t know why and make it I woke up early and don’t know why, you don’t need the comma.

I woke up early and don’t know why.

Rule Number 3

Use a comma when you introduce a sentence with a dependent clause.

Remember that a dependent clause needs to be attached to an independent clause because it doesn’t make sense on its own. A dependent clause would be something like:

When I get home.

That needs to be attached to an independent clause, also called a main clause.

I drink a beer when I get home.

If written like that, you don’t need the comma. But if you put the dependent clause first you need the comma:

When I get home, I drink a beer.

Rule Number 4

Use commas after introductory words, adverbs, and phrases such as unfortunately, finally, however, nevertheless, at first, surprisingly or unsurprisingly:

Unfortunately, he didn't have enough money to buy his wife an anniversary gift.

I got the job I wanted. However, the salary is much less than I expected.

Many writers argue against using "however" to begin a sentence, but according to many authorities I trust, it's just fine. The alternative would be to use a semi-colon before however and a comma after it.

I got the job I wanted; however, the salary is a lot less than I expected.

Rule Number 5

Use commas to offset appositives. Appositives are like little definitions or more information about a noun just mentioned in the sentence. For example:

All the soldiers looked up to George Washington, general of the colonial army.

If the appositive comes in the middle of the sentence, you need commas on both sides:

DNA, the master molecule of life, is compsed of two chains forming a double helix.

Nonessential relative clauses also take commas before and after:

Bob, who just got married, is taking his honeymoon in Hawaii.

This piece of information is not essential to a full understanding of the sentence. But in the case of information that is essential, don’t put commas:

The man to whom I spoke yesterday lives somewhere in Valladolid. (formal) OR: The man I spoke to yesterday lives somewhere in Valladolid. (informal) The professor who teaches chemistry at UCLA has published several books. The company that makes those small cars went out of business.

In these cases you need the relative clause to clarify, so no commas. I talked about relative clauses in a previous podcast.

Rule Number 6

Use a comma before you quote someone:

Bob said, "I never go to bed before 1 AM."

Use a comma inside the quotes if you break up what someone said with the attribution:

"One of the most incredible feelings," said Bob, "is jumping out of an airplane."

Rule Number 7

Use a comma to separate the different parts of an address and between the city and the State or province, but no comma before the zip code: I work at 215 Achor Street, Bangor, Maine 04401 Detroit, Michigan became famous as the home of the American automobile.

Rule Number 8

Use a comma to separate the elements of a date and also the date from the rest of the sentence:

Wednesday, March 25, 1976, was the day my son was born.

That comma after the year (1976) seems a little strange to me considering that the entire date is the subject of a sentence and you’re not supposed to separate a subject and a verb with a comma. But that’s what some authorities say to do.

However if it’s just the day or just the month, or the month and the day, or the month and the year,  then there’s no comma:

Wednesday was a day to forget. March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb. January 23 was supposed to be a boring day. November 2018 started out fine, but then the strangest thing happened.

Rule number 9

Use a comma when you begin a sentence with a freestanding “yes” or “no” Yes, I’ll be there on time. I promise. No, you can’t open another bottle of wine.

Rule number 10

Use a comma when you address someone in a sentence: Peter, would you get the door please? I don’t think you should go outside without an umbrella, Mary. It’s not a good idea, Ellen, to invest all your money in one company.

I hope you can appreciate the difference between: Stop calling Cristina (without the comma) And Stop calling, Cristina

Rule number 11

Use a comma when you are negating something in the same sentence: That’s a baseball, not a softball. That place is a disaster, not somewhere I want to visit.

Rule number 12

Use a comma when you use more than one adjective to describe a noun. There was a big, red heart painted on her bedroom wall. The water park was wet, wild, and loads of fun for the whole family. Be careful with this one. If the last adjective collocates with the following noun, for example April rain, or cell tower, and by collocate  I mean adjectives that normally appear with the nouns that follows them, then don’t put a comma between the adjective that goes with the noun. For example: The truck had a big, diesel engine. It was one of those long, winter nights.

Rule number 13

This is not really about grammar, just a curious difference between how Americans  and some Europeans represent numbers. Okay. I live in Spain, so they write 4 or more digit numbers with a point. One thousand is written in Spain as 1.000. But that’s not the American way, my Spanish friends. We use commas, not points to separate numbers: 1,750,221 is written as... 2, 968 is written as

What is also interesting is the way Spanish people, and I imagine other Europeans, write decimals , you know like 2.5 (two and a half). Spanish people write them with commas. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to clean up this error while correcting the English manuscript of a translation.

[habaricloud-blog]

Home Secretary Sajid Javid will increase youth crime prevention funding to £22million knife crime

Home Secretary Sajid Javid will increase youth crime prevention funding to £22million knife crime

The Government is to double funding for a scheme to steer children and teenagers away from violence after a sharp rise in crime rates.

Home Secretary Sajid Javid is to increase cash available under the Early Intervention Youth Fund (EIYF) from £11 million to £22 million.

It comes after police-recorded crime in England and Wales hit the highest level in more than a decade as killings, knife…

[district2-luna-blog]

Brine & Luna || Lonely Forest.

Luna was walking around the forest that was some place in between District 2, 10, 5 and 7. For some reason, it seemed like someone was following her. She carefully took a few more steps toward a big tree which looked like she could hide in. She ducked under the tree and raised up her head just high enough to look for what was there. She saw two rabbits and ran towards the two white creatures. She cut through the two with her dagger and tied the two together by their feet with a rope. 

As she looked back, Brine was there. She smiled at the girl. Luna was used to seeing Brine around these woods. The idea that someone from a district across the Capitol was here. Especially since the people there were more.. technologic and not exactly hunters. She waved at her and said, "What brings you here, Brine?"

[a-court-of-valkyries]

Engulfed In Your Flames

Chapter 16: Nesta

"What's the matter with you?" Nesta asked. She had been sitting on the couch in the library, a book in hand, while Eris sat at one of the few tables, working fervently. One of his hounds was curled up next to Nesta, his head resting on her thigh and eyes watching as Nesta munched on some crackers. Every so often, when she thought Eris wasn’t paying attention, she’d sneak the dog a small piece of food and scratch him behind the ears. When he was done eating, he’d thank her with numerous kisses, bringing a small smile to Nesta’s face.

All night Nesta could feel the tension in the room no matter how much she tried to relax. From where she sat, it looked as if Eris was merely hard at work, but she could recall the way his jaw was clenched and his form stiffer than normal as his eyes scanned over the documents he read. He was unusually quiet tonight. Nesta wondered when she became so familiar with Eris' moods and expressions.

Eris sighed and looked up at her. Abruptly, he sat up. "Walk with me."

Nesta raised an eyebrow. “Now? It’s late.”

“We won’t be long.”

They walked to the lake deep within the forest where they usually trained. It was so quiet and peaceful at this time of night. Thousands of stars sparkled in the sky, and the reflection of the full moon shone off of the surface of the still water. The leaves rustled from the occasional wind, causing Nesta to rub her arms for warmth. When Eris noticed her chill, he took off his jacket and wrapped it around her. His hands lingered on the edge of the jacket after he’d finished buttoning it for her instead of falling back to his side. 

“Why are we here, Eris?” Nesta asked, getting straight to the point. Her body was tense, her voice alert as she picked up on Eris’s strange behavior. “What’s going on?”

“Marry me, Nesta.”

Her eyes widened. “What?” she asked, stumbling away from him. Nesta wasn’t sure she heard him right. “Are you having a stroke?” Eris’ hands fell to his sides.

He sighed as he rubbed at his jaw. There were circles under his eyes.  “My father wants me to propose to you.”

“Why?” she asked incredulously.

“It is no secret that as a Cauldron Made fae you will become a great asset to whatever court you end up joining. As long as you are here, my father will want to make sure you remain on our side.”

“And if I say no?”

“I’m afraid as long as you are here that is not an option.”

Nesta froze. “You’re saying if I want to remain in Autumn I have to marry you?” 

“I’m saying that you are a jewel and have captured the attention of the high lord.”

Everything about this felt wrong. She and Eris had formed a comfortable bond and had become allies, and she supposed they sort of had become friends, but marriage? Nesta barely knew enough of the male in front of her to spend decades—centuries—with him. 

Disappointment racked Nesta’s heart. It was stupid, but when she was younger, before her mother and grandmamma had sunk their claws in her, she had hoped that when she married, it would be to a prince. Her knight in shining armor. He’d get down on one knee, as per human tradition, confess his love to her, and ask for her hand in marriage. It was the fairytale from her romances. Even after everything, such declarations of love always warmed her icy heart. After becoming fae, Nesta had barely imagined such a life for herself. She had been a fool to dream up scenarios of her and Cassian, but she knew better now. Life didn’t have happy endings for people like her. Yet she couldn’t shake the sour feeling of having Eris stand before her and demand such a thing from her in such a cold and detached manner; to hang such a commitment over her head, like it was a business deal, just so she could have shelter.

She shouldn’t be surprised. She was in a court of snakes after all.  

“Is that why you brought me to your court?” Nesta asked, her voice hard. “To trap me into marriage? To benefit from me being your wife?”

Disappointment colored Eris’ expression. “You truly think so little of me?”

Nesta scoffed. “I think you will take any opportunity that works in your favor.” 

“I brought you here because you were on the brink of death and had nowhere else to go,” Eris stated as if she had forgotten.

“And now you’re using that to you’re advantage.” Nesta glared at him, fury lighting up her eyes. “We made a bargain, Eris.”

“I have not broken it, Nesta.”

“Yes, you have!” Nesta argued. “When I agreed to come to Autumn, you told me I would have sanctuary with you. No strings attached. Now you’re saying we have to be married if I wish to stay. You lied to me–”

Eris took a step closer to her. “I have never lied to you. Never.” His eyes bore into hers, his stare intense. He was so close, close enough that Nesta was able to make out the freckles on his cheeks, the brush of green in his amber eyes. So close that she could see the war of emotions reflected in those same eyes that had not left Nesta’s. His stare warmed every part of her, her body forgetting the chill she had felt only moments before. Nesta didn’t look away. “I have lied to everyone,” Eris said, “but never you.”

A few heartbeats passed between them. “But you knew it was a possibility,” Nesta stated. 

For the briefest of moments, his eyes lingered on her lips before looking back up at her again. His face softened. “I knew it was a possibility.” Silence filled the air between them. After a moment, Eris stepped back as if suddenly realizing how little space was between them. He rubbed his jaw. “I have arranged for you to go with Lucien. He has a small cottage in the mortal lands that you can stay in. He has promised to keep your location secret. If you pack quickly, you can leave tonight.” 

                                                         ***

Nesta paced in her bedroom all throughout the night. She'd retreated to her room hours ago and had immediately packed, then unpacked, then packed again. Now she paced as she was not able to sit with the anxiety coursing through her veins and her mind on haywire. Eris’ words played through Nesta’s head over and over again. Beron wanted her and Eris to be married. 

She couldn’t marry him, could she? On the one hand, she had spent years of her life preparing for this exact moment: catching the eye of the prince. Marrying Eris would be natural for her, what she was trained for. In some twisted way, she found purpose in pleasing her mother, in looking for validation from a grave. She’d be fulfilling the life she always imagined for herself. Eris wasn’t awful, and he wasn’t terrible to look at either.

The idea of marrying as a human had been less daunting. Nesta was fae now with much more time ahead of her than she ever imagined. If she married him, she’d be with him for hundreds of years, not just the span of one human lifetime. Eris had proved himself trustworthy so far, but what if it had all been an act? If Eris was not the male she had hoped, she’d be trading one cage for another.

Nesta was just beginning to get used to life in Autumn. She almost felt at peace here where she wasn’t thrust into danger every minute or forced into a battlefield whenever she saw Feyre or one of her sister’s friends. She liked having better control over her powers, even if she never intended to use them outside of training. She also liked Eris’ company, she adored his dogs, and she’d even miss Lady Aryanna. The idea of living in the mortal lands felt lonely compared to her current situation; the idea of being by herself again felt suffocating. Maybe being Eris’ wife wouldn’t be so terrible. Besides, the fact that he had prepared living arrangements for her outside of Autumn if she said no only made her slightly less pissed off with him.

For the first time in her life, she had choices, but the idea was both freeing and suffocating. She was lost, had been lost since the war ended, and she had no more purpose as a human or as a fae. She had been hollow after decapitating the king with no concept of who she was anymore. She wasn’t sure what her next steps should be.

The sound of knocking interrupted Nesta’s racing thoughts. When Eris announced himself, Nesta let him in.

Eris put a shield around the room. “Are you ready to go?”

Nesta looked at her packed bags and sighed. Maybe it was best she did leave. A sinking feeling settled in Nesta’s stomach. She tried and failed to convince herself it was from nerves. As soon as she’d gotten comfortable in a new place, she was leaving again. “Just about.”

There was an awkward silence as Nesta and Eris stood there. Clearing his throat, Eris presented Nesta with a bouquet of flowers that he had been hiding from behind his back. He shifted slightly on his feet before saying, “I’m sorry. I never should have put you in this position.”

“You got me flowers.” It was more of a statement than a question. Nesta tentatively took the flowers he was holding out to her. No one had ever done anything like this for her before. She didn’t know what to do with it.

A blush crept up on Eris’ freckled cheeks. “Females like this sort of thing, do they not?”

Nesta brought the flowers to her nose, delighting in the smell. “They’re nice. Thank you.”

Eris gave a small nod before noticing her bags. It wasn’t much of a load. Only a few bags lay on the floor. Moving became so frequent lately. Nesta had lost more and more interest in having many belongings because she was always forced to leave stuff behind. She hadn’t even decorated her room since arriving in Autumn. It looked as if she had never occupied it at all. He went to pick up the bags Nesta had set down on the floor by her side, but stopped at the last second. His eyes were piercingly bright as he looked down at Nesta, and their eyes locked. Nesta’s heart fluttered. Eris’ adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. His face was hard and stoic, but his voice was low and surprisingly vulnerable. “Would it truly be so terrible? Being my wife.”

Nesta raised an eyebrow in amusement, finding her earlier irritation almost melted away. “Is that your idea of a proposal?”

Eris shrugged. “Humor me.”

Nesta paused before answering. “Can you even give me a good enough reason to stay?”

Eris answered without hesitation. “Once you leave this court, you will have no protection against the Night Court. Since you are the High Lady’s sister, they can bring you back to Night and do with you as they please. But if you are wed to me, you would be protected.”

“Even against a mating bond?”

Eris stilled. Some emotion Nesta wasn’t able to decipher burned in his eyes. Eris blinked and whatever was there disappeared. “Even against a mating bond, unless a blood duel was enacted.” Nesta knew what a blood duel was and what it meant in the Autumn Court. She’d read about it in one of the Autumn Court history texts. “And you would not be alone,” he whispered. “You would have an equal as well as a friend. I would protect you with my life. I swear it to you.”

Nesta shook her head slightly. “I want more than words, Eris. I want you to be honest with me.”

“For you, I will. You will have it, both my actions and my honesty.” Nesta searched his eyes, but she could only see truth reflected back in them. Taking a step back, she took her bags from him, laid them on her bed, and took out her belongings. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“Unpacking,” Nesta said. “It wouldn’t make sense to leave if I am to be your wife.”

[a-court-of-valkyries]

Engulfed In Your Flames

Chapter 15: Eris

Eris winnowed himself to the manor he had been at only months earlier. It looked exactly the same as before except it looked emptier from the outside. Jurian and Vassa didn’t seem to be inside, which Eris preferred. He wanted to have at least one conversation alone with Lucien. 

Eris eyed the home that his little brother was now occupying with distaste. The area was bleak, ugly, and distressed, and it still looked in poor shape as it did right at the war’s end over a year ago. The young prince of Autumn, who had been born and raised in wealth and luxury, was now a nomad who found himself living in a depressing home that had survived during the war, and looked like it too.

Eris knocked three times and waited. The night was growing colder and colder as winter approached. Eris could feel goosebumps forming on his arms, and he pulled his jacket tighter around him. 

Lucien opened the door—although not all the way. “What are you doing here?” he asked in a clipped tone. He didn’t bother to hide his irritated expression. 

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” When Lucien didn’t move, Eris sighed. “I come with new information.”

Lucien glared at Eris. It took a moment before he reluctantly opened the door all the way and retreated deeper into the manor, leaving Eris to follow. “Make it quick,” was all he said.

Eris had only seen his youngest brother a handful of times over the last couple of years. Their relationship had always been strained and had become practically nonexistent after Lucien lost Jesminda at their father’s hands and been exiled. Lucien hated Eris. He had ignored Eris as much as he could during the war and during Eris’s meeting with him, Jurian, and Vassa a few months ago. Lucien never acknowledged him, not openly. Though the jab hurt, Eris didn’t blame him one bit for the animosity. It was well deserved. 

He believed Eris to be part of Jesminda’s demise, and Eris let him. It was easier to let Lucien hate him. It hadn’t always been this way. Eris always felt a stronger connection to Lucien than the rest of his brothers, ever since Lucien was a babe. There was a lightness to him, a certain air and energy that he possessed that the rest of Beron’s heirs hadn’t. He and Lucien had been close when Lucien was very young, most likely too young to remember. When no one was around, he’d always babysit the younger, would always be the victim to Lucien’s silly and innocent pranks. His hounds always adored Lucien and Lucien them. They’d lick his face and Lucien’s laughter would fill the air. Yet, as Lucien grew older, it became harder and harder to preserve the loving brotherhood between the two of them, as was expected in Beron’s presence. Love was a weakness, a vulnerability that Eris could not afford.  

“I’ll skip the pleasantries and get straight to the point,” Eris said as he sat in the pink sofa. Lucien remained standing by the opposite side of the room. He crossed his arms as he leaned against the wall. “I need you to do something for me,” Eris said.

Lucien chuckled a humorless laugh. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” he whispered to himself. “Why would I—”

“I might need you to house Nesta Archeron here with you,” Eris said, cutting him off.

He didn’t think it was possible for Lucien to become tenser. “Why? What happened? Is she okay?”

Eris waved him off. “She’s fine, but I have reason to believe that Beron will want me to offer Nesta a proposal, and if she refuses, she’ll need somewhere else to go.”

“He told you he wants you to propose?”

“He will. Nesta Archeron is a one of a kind. He’s had his eye on her for a while. It’s only a matter of time before he makes the order, and knowing him he’ll want me to do it soon.” It had been hard to ignore how Beron’s eyes had been drawn to Nesta over the last few months since her arrival. In the few times they’d been around each other, Beron eyes would shine with wicked a gleam. Between Briallyn, a possible upcoming war, and Nesta Archeron, Beron was like a dog with a bone. Give him too much at once and he’d bite off more than he could chew. Eris counted on that.

“How soon?” Lucien asked.

Eris shrugged. “I’m not entirely sure. He could want it done privately, or, if he’s sure Nesta will say yes, he might want to make a whole show of it in front of the other courts. The annual Autumn Festival is soon approaching. He could want it done then.” 

Eris continued on. “However, if she rejects my propsal, she will need somewhere else to stay. In secret,” Eris added sternly. “Nesta will not be going back to the Night Court, and they don’t need to know of her whereabouts.”

Lucien’s jaw clenched as Eris spoke. “I can’t lie to them, Eris.”

“You can and you will,” Eris ordered. “For Nesta’s sake.”

“Why would Nesta want to stay with me? She hates me. We’ve barely even spoken to each other.”

Nesta had no idea that Eris was speaking to Lucien on her behalf, or that Beron had taken such a high interest in her. He’d tell her about it tomorrow night instead. For now, he’d need to make sure everything was in order if Nesta truly desired to leave than marry him. “You’re a charming male, Lucien. If she can put up with me for a few months then you’ll be no challenge.”

“How do you expect Feyre to respond to this? Or Cassian? They’re mates Eris. Do you honestly think he’ll let this slide without a fight?

“I have it handled.”

Lucien shook his head. “You never should have brought her to Autumn. She should be her sisters.”

Eris shrugged. “You know as well as I do that they’re not on good terms.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Lucien practically yelled. “What happens between Feyre, Nesta, and Elain is between them. Who are you to get involved? She should be in the Night Court with her family where she’s safe and away from your and Beron’s schemes.”

“Safe?” Eris said. “Tell me, what tale did Rhysand and Feyre feed you about the situation?”

With a glare, Lucien ground his teeth before speaking. “They told me that they tried to get her help, and in her anger she ran away without telling anyone. That she made them worry just to spite them, only to end up manipulated and stolen by you.”

The corner of Eris’s mouth turned up. He raised his eyebrows, though he wasn't the least bit surprised by the Night Court’s twisted story. “Is that so?” 

Lucien nodded. 

“Do you believe them?”

“Why wouldn’t I? It’s not like you have ever given me a reason to believe you wouldn’t do something like that.”

Eris wanted to look away from Lucien in shame, but he didn’t. He held Lucien’s stare, forced himself to look head-on at the truth in Lucien’s words instead of turning away from it, though the silence in the room felt suffocating.

Taking a deep breath, Eris said, “When I found Nesta, she was starved, sick, and near-death because of her sisters and her mate.” He shook his head. “That doesn’t seem very safe to me.” Eris could detect a hint of confliction on Lucien’s face, like he wanted to believe him but wasn’t sure if he could. 

“Feyre wanted to control her sister and when she couldn’t, her and Rhysand gave Nesta the option to either be locked up or dumped in the human lands to die. Nesta chose the human lands and was even delivered there by the generous Morrigan.” He said the last bit sarcastically. “When I found her, I offered to take her back to the Night Court and she refused. I offered to take her to you and she refused. But I wasn’t going to leave her there so I offered her sanctuary in Autumn, and she took it. If you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself, but your employers have spun you a tale so wildly inaccurate that it would make me laugh if it didn’t piss me off so much. That brute even went so far as to put his hands on her.” 

Lucien, now alarmed, stood up straighter. “What do you mean?”

Eris swallowed back the rage he felt from thinking of that moment. “A couple of months ago, Nesta and I met with them in Spring. She told them to leave her alone, that she didn’t want to be bothered by them, and the brute grabbed her so hard that it left a bruise.”

Flame sizzled in Lucien’s russet eye. “I didn’t know any of that,” he said, eerily calm.

“That’s why I’m telling you now. I don’t care that the middle sister is your mate, I don’t care that you work for Rhysand and Feyre. Nesta will not be going back to the Night Court, brother.” 

After a long moment, Lucien said, “There’s a small cottage not too far from here. It’s abandoned and a little messy too, but I can clean it up. Should Nesta need it, she can stay there. It would be better since it’s not uncommon for Mor or Cassian to come here, sometimes unexpectedly. Besides, Jurian and Vassa are at each other’s throats enough as it is. I wouldn’t be able to survive Jurian with Nesta too.” 

“Then it’s settled.”

“Why are you doing this?” Lucien asked. “You have a track record of leaving females vulnerable and harmed just to save your own skin. Why bother now?” Eris could feel the tension and anger in Lucien’s voice. He understood what Lucien was referring to, of Mor and Jesminda. It didn’t matter that he’d refused his father in taking part of Jesminda’s murder and suffered greatly for it. It was useless to tell Lucien what really happened because it was still a betrayal. 

“We have a bargain,” Eris answered simply as he held up the arm with the tattoo for display. “We agreed that when she was ready to go, she could. I’m merely holding up my end of the deal.” It was true. Eris made a promise and he was intent on keeping it. But it was more than that too. He’d done many wicked things, had hurt many people, but he wouldn’t force any female into a marriage like what had happened to his mother. He couldn’t cross that line 500 years ago, and he wouldn’t now.

There was also some foolishly small hope hidden deep within him that Nesta would say yes. There would be many benefits to having her as his wife, that much was obvious, but he also wanted to be married to someone who was his equal. Perhaps a friend as well. Nesta was the only female he genuinely considered for such a role. No other female had impressed him as much as she did. 

“I’m doing this to help Nesta,” Lucien said, “but mark my words, Eris. If anything happens to her because of you, I’ll kill you myself.”

“Then I’ll hand you the knife,” Eris said as he got up. He straightened out his shirt and jacket as he got ready to leave.

Lucien’s eyebrows scrunched together. “What are you planning?”

Eris didn’t answer him. He simply made his way back to the front door, signaling that their conversation was now over. 

“I’ll be in touch by the end of the week,” he said before shutting the door.

[a-court-of-valkyries]

Chapter 15 Teaser

Eris cocked his head slightly as he took in Nesta. As always, she wore a simple dress with the same pair of flats. Under the light of the full moon shining through the massive windows, Eris couldn’t help but think that she was the most beautiful female he’d ever seen. “Do you dance?”

“If I’m asked properly,” Nesta said as she flipped a page in her book.

After a moment, Eris got up and walked towards Nesta. Even from the library, he could hear the music blaring from the ballroom. As one song ended and another was about to begin, he held his hand out for her. She looked at his hand and then up at him with her blue-gray eyes, eyes like a storm, eyes that he wouldn’t mind drowning in. “Nesta Archeron, will you dance with me?”

[a-court-of-valkyries]

I absolutely loved “Engulfed in Your Flames”. I’m not even a fan of S. J. Mass. I really, really hope that you continue and finish it sometime. Even if it’s in the next 10 years. Thank you.

Thank you so much for your kind words💙💙💙 it has been so hard to find motivation to work on it because I know Nesta will never get the love story she deserves (and she's now stuck with Cassian). I've also just started working full time and my dog is really sick and needs surgery so it's been so busy for me lately and that makes me less motivated.

I really hope I go back to this story one day and finish it because it's a huge accomplishment in my writing, and I really want to give Nesta the story she deserved. I also have so many ideas for Nesta and Eris and it would be a shame for it to all go to waste. Hopefully I write again soon😊

[a-court-of-valkyries]

hiii i was jw if you planned on updating engulfed in your flames?? i just binge read it and i’m so in love 😍 i love your writing as much as i love neris <33

Hi! I do plan on uploading the next chapter (hopefully this weekend or next week🤞🏾). I have had zero motivation to work on it these last few months and I'm trying to get back to it. Thank you so much for your sweet comment tho! It motivated me to work on it again and to not give up on it💙💙

[kalu-luwa]

something something ever in your favor (tw: death)

Me, writing EIYF: nephtali gtfo of there please so i don't hurt you too badly

Nephtali, their eyes enormous: you ABANDON nephtali? you traumatize them like the blorbo? oh! oh! jail for creator! jail for creator for One Thousand Years!

-

Nephtali: i'm so tired of this life. i want to be a roomba. i want knives taped to me. and i want to be set loose.

-

Nephtali: i'm feeling it!

Nephtali:

Nephtali: what am I feeling?

Nephtali, dying: death, probably.

[a-court-of-valkyries]

Engulfed In Your Flames

Chapter 2: Nesta

TW: Mention of SA, suicidal thoughts, and the awful “intervention”

“Here are your options, girl,” Amren said, delicate chin rising. “One,” Amren said, raising a slender finger, “you can move up to the House of Wind, train with Cassian in the mornings, and work in the library in the afternoons. You will not be a prisoner. But there will be no one to fly or winnow you down to the city. If you want to venture into the city proper, by all means, go ahead. That is, if you can brave the ten thousand steps down from the House.” Amren’s eyes glittered with the challenge. “And if you can somehow find two coppers to rub together to buy yourself a drink. But if you follow this plan, we will reevaluate where and how you live in a few months.”

“And my other option?” Nesta spat.

“You go back to the human lands.”

Back to the human lands where she’d eventually end up dead at the hands of the humans. They would lock her up or send her off to die.

Nesta turned to Feyre, lips pulling back from her teeth. She could feel the fury building up inside her, could feel her powers beginning to rise and boil in anger. “And these are my only options?”

Feyre squared her shoulders and stood a little taller before answering. “Yes.”

“You have no right.”

“I-”

Nesta erupted. “You dragged me into this mess, this horrible place! You are the reason why I am like this, why I am stuck here-”

“That’s enough. That is enough, Nesta. You’re moving up to the House, you are going to train and work, and I don’t care what vitriol you spew my way. You’re doing it.”

“Over my cold dead body will I go there,” Nesta seethed. 

“You will be going there,” Feyre ordered. “This is not up for discussion.”

Nesta shook her head. “Elain would never stand for this. She would hate you for-”

“Elain agreed to this hours ago.” Nesta recoiled at the admission. Elain was part of this? She had already chosen their side? The realization caused a fresh wave of pain to pierce Nesta’s heart. How could Elain betray her like this after everything they’d gone through? Nesta stayed by her side for months after the Cauldron, afraid that she would hurt herself or try to jump out the window to meet her death. She watched over Elain, cared for her, protected her, tried to make sure Elain hadn’t completely lost her mind when Nesta felt like she was so close to losing it herself. How could Elain just toss her away like this and rub her hands clean of Nesta? Elain was supposed to be the only one who could understand her, the only one who would fight for Nesta the way Nesta did for her. She could feel the tears welling in her eyes and clenched her fists together. She let her nails dig in and break her skin to keep from showing any weakness. “She’s packing up your apartment as we speak. By the time you return, it will be empty. Your clothes are being sent to the House of Wind.”

“Though I doubt they will be suitable for training in Windhaven,” Amren muttered under her breath. Feyre glared at her for speaking without permission. Then, she turned back to Nesta.

“Elain knows how to contact you. If she wishes to visit you at the House, she is free to do so. One of us will gladly take her up there.”

Some sliver of hope Nesta didn’t even know she had died like a flame desperately trying to stay alive and finally being snuffed out. She had thought that she already reached her rock bottom, but she was wrong. It couldn’t get any worse than this. Being in a room surrounded by people who had done nothing but shame her and judge her for her choices. And he had used his powers on her just to get her to submit. He took pleasure in scenting her fear. 

Nesta pushed them away after the war because she couldn’t cope the way everyone else had. They had moved on like nothing really happened, content to live in their bubble of avoidance and easy to forget the violence of the last few months. Nesta couldn’t stand any of it. There had been a smothering silence when her father died. It had begun crushing her when she’d gone to his study at their half-wrecked manor days later and found one of his pathetic little wood carvings. In her guilt, she had kept the carving just like she kept the piece of wood Feyre had painted on, a small token of her sister after Tamlin had stolen her into the night. She had hated her father for his neglect, for his willingness to let his three daughters starve to death instead of fighting for them. She burned with that hatred, and she still hated him, if she was honest. But then he had finally shown up for the three of them during the battle with Hybern. He told her he loved her, and before she could process what was happening, before she could even speak to him, his neck was snapped and the light left his eyes. Nesta had wanted to scream and scream, but there had been so many people around. She’d held herself together until the meeting with all those war heroes had ended. Then she let herself fall. Straight into that silent and numbing pit. 

You have your life and I have mine, she’d told Elain. She didn’t say it to be cruel. She said it because it was the truth. She couldn’t forget everything the way they had. Nesta couldn’t live like that. 

All her life Nesta had her choices taken away from her. Whether it was from her mother and Grandmamma, or losing everything and being poor. She lost her humanity and was forced into the Cauldron, fated to spend the rest of her long and miserable life in Prythian. Even the Cauldron had decided to choose a mate for her; the same mate who had never bothered to see her after the war, who didn’t care enough to bother, was now trying to force her to live and train with him. The only decisions she had been able to make for herself was in the last year. She got to decide what to do with her body: who to sleep with (although Tomas had tried to take that from her too), she chose to drink to numb herself and her powers and to help herself forget, she chose where she wanted to live, and now Feyre and her friends wanted to take that away from her too.

“I want to speak to my sister. Alone,” Nesta ordered. She could feel the High Lord’s eyes boring into her, filled with such an intense hatred and animosity, but Nesta ignored him until he, Cassian, and Amren exited the room and went into the hall.

Nesta held herself up, her spine straight. She hated all of them. They were nosy busybodies who were too busy sticking themselves in everyone’s business instead of working hard to rebuild their court and help the people suffering within it. They only cared about their precious Velaris; damn the victims in Hewn City and Illyria. They had never cared before. They didn’t bother to speak to her after the war, they didn’t care when she first started drinking and sleeping around. Nesta almost scoffed at the hypocrisy. When she did it, it was a crime, and extreme measures needed to be taken to make sure she stopped, but they had no problem bragging about all the sex they had and had no problem getting drunk every week. Nesta doubted they were any better than her after their first war, so why was Nesta the villain for doing what they always did?

“You didn’t care before,” Nesta said. “Why now?”

Feyre toyed with her silver-and-star-sapphire wedding ring. “I told you: it wasn’t that I didn’t care. We—everyone, I mean—had multiple conversations about this. About you. We— I decided that giving you time would be best.”

They’d all been discussing her, deeming her unfit and unchecked, and—

Feyre said carefully, “for what it’s worth, I was hoping you’d turn yourself around. I wanted to give you space to do it, since you seem to lash out at everyone who comes close enough, but you didn’t even try.”

Perhaps you can find it in yourself to try a little harder this year. Cassian’s words from nine months ago still rang fresh in her mind. 

Try? It was all she could think to say.

I know that’s a foreign word to you.

His words haunted her all this time, the same way Feyre’s accusation would follow her wherever she went. They thought she wasn’t trying. They had no idea what is what like. They had no idea how simply dragging herself out of bed exhausted her so much that it left her with no motivation for the rest of the day. They had no idea what it was like for her to fear simply getting into a tub, but trying to anyway so she would no longer have to use buckets. Or what it was like to drown herself in liquor just to forget all that was taken from her; what is was like to lose herself as her skin was ripped apart and bones were stretched and broken just to be forged into a creature she had been taught all her life to hate. They had no idea what it was like for her to walk around with powers she couldn’t understand, powers that no one could understand. They had no idea what it was like to hate so much that no matter how much she hated them for what they were doing to her now, it would never equate to how much she hated herself. She did try. She tried every day to simply exist, but even that was becoming too much for her. But she tried because she had that one sliver of hope that things would one day change and be different, even if she didn’t truly believe in it, but now that had been taken away from her too. She didn’t feel like trying anymore.

Cassian had said that he couldn’t understand how anyone could love her. Nesta didn’t understand it either.

Feyre continued, “All you have done is help yourself to our money.”

“Your mate’s money,” Nesta corrected her. 

“Nesta, You spent 500 gold marks last night! Do you know how much money that is? Do you know how embarrassed I was when we got the bill this morning and my friends—my family— had to hear all about it?” 

Her family, as if Nesta and she weren’t flesh and blood. “That must have been very hard for you, Feyre.” Nesta said, sarcasm dripping off her tongue. 

Feyre went on as if Nesta hadn’t even spoken, “And to hear what you spent it on-”

“Oh, so this is all about you saving face-”

“It is about how it reflects upon me, upon Rhys, and upon my court when my damned sister spends our money on wine and gambling and does nothing to contribute to this city! If my sister cannot be controlled, then why should we have the right to rule over anyone else?”

“Don’t you dare do that!” Nesta spat. “Don’t you dare act like I’ve done nothing but be a burden. I helped you win a war that wasn’t even my concern. I was dragged into it, killed, and turned fae over it. I helped kill the King of Hybern. I lost everything contributing to help this city and the rest of Prythian and the human lands. So don’t you dare,” Nesta whispered dangerously, “act like I have done nothing. I have done more than enough. And let me make something very clear, Feyre. I am not yours to control.”

“That is why you’re going to train at Windhaven. You will learn to control yourself.”

“So your grand plan to help me get over the trauma of the war is to have me train in a war camp?” Nesta shook her head defiantly. “I won’t go.”

“You’re going, even if you have to be tied up and hauled there. You will follow Cassian’s lessons, and you will do whatever work Clotho requires in the library. You will respect her, and the other priestesses in the library,” Feyre said, “and you will never give them a moment’s trouble. Any free time is yours to spend as you wish. In the House.”

Hot rage pumped through her, so loud Nesta could barely hear the real fire before which her sister paced. Was glad of the roaring in her head when the sound of wood cracking as it burned was so much like her father’s breaking neck that she couldn’t stand to light a fire in her own home.

“You had no right to close up my apartment, to take my things—”

“What things? A few clothes and some rotten food.” Nesta didn’t have the chance to wonder how Feyre knew that. Not as her sister said, “I’m having that entire building condemned.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“It’s done. Rhys already visited the landlord. It will be torn down and rebuilt as a shelter for families still displaced by the war.”

Nesta tried to master her uneven breathing. One of the few choices she’d made for herself, stripped away. Her ties to it cut simply as if it was nothing more than a piece of string and not one of the few times she had been able to choose something for herself. Feyre didn’t seem to care. Feyre had always been her own master. Always got whatever she wished. And now, she wanted this too. The only thing Nesta could feel at this moment was a fierce and burning anger, so she held onto it like it was a lifeline, as she had always done.

“I won’t be your prisoner—”

“No. You can go wherever you wish. As Amren said, you are free to leave the House. If you can manage those ten thousand steps.” Feyre’s eyes blazed. “But I’m done paying for you to destroy yourself.”

“You’re no better than Tamlin,” Nesta sneered. “Taking away my choices, locking me up, dictating what I can or cannot do with my life under the guise that you are trying to help me, to protect me and save me from myself. It sounds awfully familiar, doesn’t it?”

The blow landed. Feyre’s widened her eyes in shock and hurt, and tears quickly filled them. Nesta wasn’t surprised that Feyre didn’t see the hypocrisy in this so-called “intervention”. She had always been so naive. It filled her with even more disgust and rage, leaving no room for any undeserved sympathy. The audacity, Nesta thought, to play the victim when you’re trying to lock me up. Rhysand barged in through the doors, probably well aware of Feyre’s emotions. His eyes burned holes into Nesta, and his shadows swirled and darkened like he was getting ready to attack. Let him, Nesta thought. She was well past caring. If he tries to use his powers on me, I’ll use mine on him. Let him see what it’s like for a change.

“You said I have two choices,” Nesta sat up straighter, looking Feyre in the eyes. “Well, I’ve made my decision. I want to go to the human lands.”

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[a-court-of-valkyries]

Engulfed In Your Flames

Chapter 13: Eris

The Forest House shook with a mighty force. Books fell off of shelves, glasses and paintings splattered and broke as they crashed onto the floor. The ground trembled. Eris tried to steady himself from where he stood near his desk. He gripped the sides of his rattling table in his office, but the shaking stopped shortly after it began, coming and going as if it had never been. The destruction of the room was the only proof that Eris had not imagined what he just felt. His room was in shambles after the trembling. Was that an earthquake? He wondered, utterly confused. Autumn had not experienced anything like this in well over a century. 

The hairs on Eris’s arms rose as he heard—and felt—a loud explosion. His hounds anxiously scratched at the door, barking and trying to get out. Eris let them out and followed where they ran. Servants, staff, and advisors looked around the hallway in disbelief. They were all just as confused as Eris was. They murmured amongst themselves and to each other. 

“Are we being attacked?” Felix, one of the advisors, asked Eris. 

“I’m not sure. Alert my father and his soldiers just in case,” Eris ordered before turning to the others in the hall. “Is everyone alri—” he began to ask, but a scream rang through the halls of the estate, sounding not too far away, and his hounds took off in its direction. Eris followed. He could faintly smell smoke coming from the direction he ran in. The closer he got, the colder it got. Eris’s mind immediately went to Nesta. He felt the same chill during dinner tonight when his father asked Nesta about the Cauldron. The thought of Nesta in danger had him running faster through the halls of his home.

Eris turned a corner and stopped in his tracks. He couldn’t believe his eyes as his hounds led him towards all the commotion. Goosebumps ran up his arms from the intense cold and from the sight. Silver flames burned all throughout the long hall where Nesta’s room was. The fires crackled and danced through the air around him, crawling up the walls and blazing the floor and ceiling. People ran from the direction of the chaos, coughing and limping as they went. Soot covered their clothing and skin. The hounds whimpered and barked at the sight. 

Eris whistled and snapped his finger at Sol and Jax, ordering his hounds to check for anyone that was trapped. They immediately charged into the burning rooms at Eris’s command to begin their search.

Eris barged into Nesta’s room, in the heart of chaos. It was freezing here. There were wild flames everywhere, clothing the room in white and silver. Eris put a shield of his own fire around him to protect himself. He searched around frantically, but Nesta was nowhere to be found. His heart skipped a beat at the revelation. Panic coursed through his veins, but Eris spotted a crack through the open door to her bathroom and could detect a portion of porcelain skin. He ran in.

Nesta sat naked in a puddle of water on the floor. Her arms wrapped around her knees that were pulled to her chest. She was staring straight ahead, unmoving and immobile. She didn’t flinch away from the flames. She didn’t react when Eris called her name. She just sat there, a blank expression on her face, inside a bubble of her own fire and making.

“Nesta!” Eris screamed as he moved closer to her, trying to break her out of whatever trance she was in and get her attention. 

Clouds of icy smoke hovered near the ceiling. Steam flowed from her mouth. Her eyes were alight with silver, her stare empty and devoid of emotion. Eris charged for her, careful to avoid and sidestep her fire. He kept calling her name over and over, but she didn’t acknowledge him. Eris wanted to reach out to her to see if he could wake her from her daze, but her powers completely engulfed her, surrounding her from all sides. It’d be stupid to touch the fire born from inside the Cauldron. He tried to see if his flames could reach her instead. His orange flames poked through her silver ones. He made them warm enough to get Nesta’s attention and drag her from her stupor but not hot enough to hurt, yet the second his flames made contact, her fire swallowed his whole. Before his powers could even reach Nesta, those hungry flames swatted away Eris’s powers like it was merely an irritating bug. 

He groaned in frustration as he came up empty on how to get Nesta out of the room. He was wholly amateurish and inexperienced with these Cauldron powers. He felt helpless as he racked his brain for another plan since his flames were no match for this.  

But the contact must have reached out to Nesta regardless. Her eyes snapped to his, wholly white and silver and otherworldly. It was unlike anything Eris had ever seen. His eyes widened in amazement. The only thing that dragged Eris from her stare was the burning on his wrist from the bargain tattoo they made. The tattoo glowed and stung, sensing the threat of Nesta’s power going against the essence of their bargain. Eris winced and grit his teeth together. But Nesta continued to look at him, completely unbothered by the burning tattoo on her own wrist.

Then, with a sudden twitch of her body, her eyes rolled to the back of her head, and Nesta began to jerk as she fell to the floor. Those wild silver flames sizzled as Eris tried to reach out for her. Nesta’s fire burned through his shield and scorched his arm. Eris hissed through his teeth as her fire made contact with his skin. He ripped his arm away from her as he felt the sting on his arm. Her legs and arms twitched and jerked on the floor, and Eris felt helpless as he watched on. He screamed her name over and over, but it was futile in waking her from the state she was in. Only seconds had gone by, but to Eris, it felt like minutes before Nesta’s body went limp. Immediately, the fire went out, as if snuffed out by a great wind.

Eris went to her immediately. He conjured a towel out of thin air and wrapped it around her shivering and wet unconscious body. It was effortless to pick her up and carry her in his arms. Nesta was still frighteningly skinny and frail. The bruises on her arm were in full display, the purple markings large and dark against her small and pale arm. Her arms were limp as they hung by her sides. He repositioned her head so it rested against him instead of hanging awkwardly and stretching her neck at an uncomfortable angle. Eris began to hear voices gathering outside her bedroom now that the fire was gone. There were mutterings and some coughing as well. The voices grew louder and louder as the seconds went by so Eris winnowed him and Nesta to his room. He laid Nesta gently on his bed and covered her with a blanket to ward off the chill. She was still shivering even in her sleep.

Eris summoned Nona to his room to have her check on Nesta. He had to keep himself from pacing outside the room as Nona looked her over, checking to see if she suffered any injuries. It was unheard of for a fae to be injured from their own powers, but Nesta’s powers were from the Cauldron. They were different from anything he'd ever seen. He had no idea how they operated or what they could do. She had also been in a trance when he first saw her. She was awake, but not herself. It was like her powers possessed her and controlled her, leaving the Nesta he knew nowhere to be found. He had no way of reaching through to her, and with her seizure, it was best to check and make sure everything was okay. But what if things weren’t okay? What if she was seriously injured? The thought had anxiety bubbling throughout Eris’s chest and stomach, and he couldn’t help but repeatedly run his fingers through his hair. 

He released a shaky breath when Nona opened the door. “How is she?” Eris asked calmly, no hint of the anxiety he felt could be heard in his voice.

“Everything is alright. I couldn’t detect any internal injuries. Nesta will be fine,” Nona assured him. 

“Do you know what caused the outburst and the seizure?”

Nona shook her head. A few strands of fizzy red hair landed on her face, ruining Nona’s otherwise perfectly neat bun. It would only get frizzier as she worked throughout the long night. “In all my 700 years, I have never dealt with a case such as this, my lord. Lady Archeron is Cauldron-Made. There are so many mysteries that we are unaware of in regards to her gifts. The best I can assume is that stress and anxiety may have triggered the episode. There was an unhealthy amount of tension all throughout her body.” Nona sighed. “It seems it was only a matter of time before something like this happened. I am sorry I cannot offer more helpful information, my lord.”

“You have offered plenty,” Eris said to the chief healer, his voice filled with gratitude. “Thank you, Nona.”

“Your wish is my command,” the female said. “Make sure the lady receives plenty of rest right now. When she wakes, she will need to eat as well.”

“I’ll see to it that she does.” 

Eris winnowed Nona down to the infirmary. He had Nuri keep watch over Nesta once he left. It was no secret that the sweet girl had developed an attachment to Nesta. Before he left, she had been cuddled into Nesta’s side. Nuri had whined and licked Nesta’s hand, sensing something was amiss. She’d rotated in circles on the bed until she found a comfortable position, and settled herself against Nesta’s rising and falling stomach. Nesta looked so peaceful, like all the stress had been wiped away. Her full lips were slightly open with small snores escaping through which Eris found adorable. Her hardened cheek bones seemed softened now, her scowl smoothed away as a certain peacefulness took its place. Eris thanked the Mother for letting Nesta be okay. 

There were three bodies being tended to in the infirmary when he and Nona arrived. Sol and Jax sat by the entrance, waiting patiently as they watched the healers fast at work on the injured. Eris recognized two lesser fae servants and one high fae. It was one of his father’s advisors, Salos.

They must have been the ones his hounds had found given the teeth marks and punctured holes through the fabrics of their shirts.

Nona rushed over to help heal the third-degree burns the three fae suffered. Eris felt a stinging sharp pain and looked down. His arm still burned from the contact with Nesta’s flames. It was a couple inches long, and while it was a discomfort, it was not something that needed immediate attention. He’d come back later when the healers were less busy.

Signaling for his hounds to follow him, he departed to assess the damage done.

In her fire’s wake was a damaged hall with ruined rooms. The whole mile-long hall had been ruined in only a span of five minutes. Everything was black, charred, and melted: centuries old decor, paintings, furniture, well known Autumn figurines. All of it was destroyed. The worst of it was in Nesta’s room. There was nothing salvageable. Everything was either melted or burned. All of it, every part of Nesta’s room and bathing room were destroyed. Even melted pieces of the tub Nesta must have been in lay in different spots over the floor. The burn marks on the wall glowed and sparkled like an ember. It was smoldering. Eris raised tentative fingers to the wall. Cold as ice. 

“Magnificent,” Beron said from where he stood assessing the damage that Eris was inspecting. He tore his eyes away to look at the rest of Nesta’s room. Beron’s lips were set in a firm line, but his eyes shone in excitement. Eris could not recall ever seeing his father’s eyes light up as they did now. Nesta’s show of powers only amplified Beron’s interest in her. “Absolutely magnificent.” 

Eris couldn’t blame his father for being impressed. Beron made it no secret that he was pleased to have Nesta living in his court. The magnitude and sheer ferocity of her powers was unheard of in Prythian. Even Eris had to admit there was no one else he'd rather have as an ally. The Night Court were fools, utter fools to lose such a formidable member of their court over their own stupidity. 

Beron’s mind would be working overtime to see how he could best use Nesta for his benefit, but Eris planned to have his father buried before he could inflict any true damage. The high lord’s days were numbered, and tonight was just another reason to the already long and heavy list of why Eris needed to get rid of his father. He was already a monster, and he’d only get worse if he gained more power and control.

Eris couldn’t help but worry over Nesta. Every time he tried to direct his mind to other issues, it always found its way back to the female. He patiently waited as his father observed the aftermath of tonight's events, but he wanted nothing more than to finish up here and go back to his room to check on her. He’d known something was wrong with her during the dinner. Nesta had been quieter than normal, only speaking when spoken to. When he walked her back to her room, she slammed the door in his face before he could tell her goodnight. Eris figured it had to do with being in Beron’s presence. It was obvious that his questions about the Cauldron had made her uncomfortable. Was that what caused her to lose control tonight? Or had the confrontation with her sister and mate in Spring finally set her off, leaving the outburst as an inevitable outcome?

“This is the extent of the damage?” Beron asked, stealing Eris from his thoughts as he referred to the hall in the west wing of the Forest House—which was where Eris lived and spent most of his time. 

Eris nodded. “There was an earthquake, but it was not as severe.” Beron nodded as he had felt the earthquake as well. “Three fae were injured, one of them Salos, the other two lesser fae servants, but they are being healed as we speak.” The three of them had been unconscious as Nona and the other healers busied themselves with treating them. 

Beron released an unsatisfied grunt at the mention of the lesser fae and the advisor he found irritating. “We will have construction done. It’ll be an inconvenience, but tonight has not been a complete waste. Rooms can be rebuilt. Lesser fae can be replaced, but Nesta Archeron cannot. Stay close to the female. She will be of great use to us.”

“Of course, Father.”

Later that night, Eris sat in a chair by his bed. His mind was plagued with thoughts from that night: seeing Nesta smothered in the flames of her own doing, almost like she was drowning in them, seeing her unresponsive and empty expression, and watching her have a seizure on the floor. Her powers were eating her alive, controlling her instead of the other way around. It was clear that she had little training over her gifts, and if she didn’t start to learn how to master and control them soon, the next outburst of her powers could be destructive on a more massive scale. 

Eris anxiously ran a hand through his hair. The stress was eating at him, although he’d never admit it. At least he wouldn’t have to worry too much about construction. The only serious damage had been to one hall, and that could be easily fixed. This was the Autumn Court after all. The Forest House was no stranger to fires. The injuries weren’t too bad either. Nona would be able to heal them all by the end of the day tomorrow, and the fae would be healed as if nothing happened.

He’d never seen anything like Nesta’s powers before. It burned cold instead of hot, silver flames filled with life but what also seemed like death. It intrigued that curious part of him. He’d heard stories of Nesta using her powers during the last battle, but this was his first sight of those Cauldron-Made gifts. Had it been any other circumstance, Eris would be excited to see such powers at work.

It was only a matter of time before Nesta snapped. A burst of power from stress was as common as breathing among the fae. That was why Eris and his brothers were trained in their abilities when they were toddlers. Eris wondered how much training Nesta received, if she received any at all. She’d been doing better within the last month. She ate more, and she seemed brighter than when she first appeared, like a bit of that spark he’d seen during the war was coming back. She’d been making healthy progress, but that meeting in Spring had set her back. That familiar light that Eris was starting to get used to began to dim once more, and Nesta began to withdraw into herself. Eris cursed himself for going through with the meeting with the Night Court. He knew it was a bad idea, but he couldn’t keep her hostage here. Who was he to tell her what to do? 

The reminder of what happened had Eris’s fire crackling through his veins. All this time, he’d wondered how Nesta ended up starving, sickly, and near dead in the woods of the mortal lands, and it was because her own family had decided to either have her locked up or abandoned to the vengeful humans. And the brute had stooped so low as to put his hands on her. Eris never should’ve let him walk out of Spring alive. He’d been tempted to let Cassian burn to ash right there, but he’d seen Nesta’s eyes filled with unshed tears, had seen her close to losing it, and he didn’t want to cause her more pain. It was indescribable to feel your mate die, and that thought alone had him keeping his control.

Eris saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He looked over to see Nesta stirring in her sleep. She was mumbling, her speech incoherent, but the more she stirred, the more agitated she got, Eris could make out noises that sounded like crying. Nuri cracked open an eye at Nesta’s movements.

Eris got up. He tapped her gently, trying to coax her out of whatever nightmare she was experiencing. Nesta didn’t wake though. She just kept mumbling the same two words over and over that Eris could now make out since he was closer to her. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. He shook with a little more force, gently calling her name, and Nesta jerked awake. Her cheeks were wet, her eyes glossy with tears. Her face was still pale. There were dark circles buried under her eyes, eyes that were cloudy, probably from using so much of her power. 

“Are you okay? How are you feeling?” he asked her.

She froze when she spotted Eris. “What are you doing here?” she asked, her voice scratchy and hoarse. Nesta squinted as she looked around. She stiffened. “Who’s room is this? Why am I in a towel?” Eris wondered how to best answer her questions. Nesta narrowed her eyes. “Eris, why am I in a towel in someone else’s bed?” she asked angrily.

“I had to bring you here after the fire.”

Nesta straightened at that. Exhaustion still shone on her face, but she was more awake than she was a minute ago. “What fire?”

“You don’t remember what happened?”

Nesta thought for a minute. “No.” Her brows furrowed in confusion. “No, I can’t remember. What’s going on? What happened?”

“You lost control of your powers tonight.” Nesta stilled instantly. Fear shone in her eyes as she started to remember. Her eyes began to wander and her face fell in dread and horror as the memories must have been replaying in her mind. “I found you in your bathroom, and I brought you here. I had the healer check to make sure you were okay, but your entire room was destroyed which is why you’re in my bed.”

Nesta didn’t say anything. She looked just as distant as she had been earlier tonight. 

Eris didn’t know what to do or say to her. The last time he tried to comfort her, she snapped at him. He wanted to help, but he didn’t know how or if Nesta would even want his help. So Eris stood up. He handed her a pair of clothes that he was able to borrow from his mother’s closet. “I’ll give you a moment to change.” Nesta hadn’t moved or acknowledged him as he set the clothes down gently next to her. His hand twitched as he started to reach for her, but he decided against it. 

He got up and walked to the door, but the sound of choked sobs stopped him in his tracks. 

He turned in time to see Nesta’s crumbling face as she broke down. Her face grew red and her expression was pained as she clung tightly to herself. Eris closed the door and went to her, immediately wrapping her in his arms. Nesta shook as she cried. She didn’t fight Eris as he put his arms around her and held her. Eris could feel her collapsing in on herself with each loud wail, and he hated that there was nothing he could do to fix it. There would be no magic words to take the pain away. Nothing he could say would make her feel better. So he just held her, hoping it would be enough. 

He waited for Nesta to push him away or ask him to leave, but she leaned into his hold instead. “I'm so sorry,” she cried into his shirt. “I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I never wanted to hurt anyone.”

“What are you apologizing for? What happened tonight was an accident,” Eris tried to reassure her. He rubbed his hand up and down her arm in an attempt to soothe her.

The seconds and minutes that ticked by were lost in time as Nesta sobbed into his shirt. She leaned all her weight on him, clinging to him with each shaky breath. 

“It’ll be okay,” he said softly into her hair. “Everything will be okay,”

Nesta pulled back. Her nose was red from all the sniffling. She wiped her cheeks with her sleeve, but tears still rolled down her cheeks. Eris used his thumb to wipe them away. 

“Please don’t do that. Don’t be kind to me,” Nesta begged. 

Eris looked down at her. “Why not?” he asked, but Nesta didn’t answer him. “You deserve every bit of kindness the world has to offer.”

They sat quietly for a while. Nesta sobs turned into sniffling. Nuri sat looking up at where Eris and Nesta were sitting on the edge of the bed. She kissed the female’s hands anxiously, but it only saddened Nesta more.

“I feel like I’m always drowning,” Nesta’s words whispered into the silent air. “It’s like it never stopped, like I’m still there. I don’t know how to live with all of it.”

“The best we can do is take it one day at a time, and if that’s too much, then one moment at a time.” Eris didn’t push Nesta for clarification on what she meant, but he was familiar with the feeling nonetheless. The pressure choked Eris constantly, and he quickly learned in his younger years that he had to learn to adapt with it in order to survive. Yet even after 500 years, it still felt like he struggled to simply breathe. He always had to have his walls up, always had to be on the defense. He hoped that after all this time he would have mastered the constraints he was always in, but he never got used to the pressure of it all, and he never would as long as his father still had breath in his lungs. So Eris got better at hiding and managing it. He presented all of Prythian with the facade of him being just as cruel as the high lord, but as the years passed by, Eris began to wonder if he was really any better than his father. The truth of it threatened to suffocate him.

She closed her eyes. “How many people were hurt?” Nesta asked, bracing for the worst. Her eyes filled with more tears.

“There were only a few injuries.” He wiped away more tears that fell. “They’re being healed as we speak.” Nesta nodded, though she seemed lost in thought. “How long have you been ignoring your powers?” Eris asked. Nesta didn’t answer him. “What triggered you?”

Nesta sniffled and rubbed her nose. “I don’t like fires,” she said. Eris waited until she was ready to continue. “I can't stand the sounds they make.” 

A tiny bit of understanding dawned on Eris. Nesta had looked detached early on in the dinner. She’d gone pale, looked afraid. Eris wondered what nightmare she had been reliving.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked. She shook her head. 

They sat for a few more moments in silence. “I can train you and help you gain better control." 

“No,” Nesta objected. Her face hardened at the thought, and she started to put some distance between her and Eris. "Absolutely not."

"Why?” Eris challenged. “What's the worst that could happen?"

"I don't want to train my powers. I don't want to know what I stole from the Cauldron. I want nothing to do with any of it," she said angrily.

"Nesta—" Eris started.

"Why is that the only thing anyone ever seems to care about? Does what I want mean nothing?” 

“Our powers are different compared to other fae, Nesta. They’re always burning within us. The flames of Autumn are hot, but yours burn in another way entirely. Our powers demand to be seen, to be felt. They need air to breathe just like we do. They refuse to remain hidden. When we smother it, it will consume us instead.”

“Better me than someone else,” Nesta said with complete conviction.

Eris shook his head in disagreement. “No, Nesta.” He stared down at Nesta and Nesta stared right back, refusing to fidget or look away. There was always a strong determination and iciness in those blue-gray eyes, but now they just looked more tired than anything. Nesta always wore a mask, something Eris was very familiar with, but after tonight, her walls were down, and he could see the perpetual sorrow and fear that rested along every structure in her face. “That day in the mortal lands,” Eris said. Nesta tensed. “I saw it. I saw your powers, and then I saw you smother them. You were going to let yourself die,” he said sadly. There was no question about it.

Nesta hardened. She looked angry, bitter, and lost. “So what if I was?”

If I hadn’t been there that day. . . Eris couldn’t finish that thought. He felt a sharp pang of sadness stab through his chest. 

“It won’t always be like this. There’s more to life than pain. There are brighter days ahead, Nesta.”

She looked unconvinced. “How do you know?” A single lonely tear rolled down her cheek.

“Because it can’t all be pain and sorrow. Life, especially as a fae, is too long and demanding for it to only be filled with sadness.” Eris didn’t believe that entirely, at least not for people like him. He already knew he wasn’t worthy of a life filled with peace and happiness. He didn’t deserve it. He’d made his peace with that centuries ago. But if he could kill Beron so his mother would be safe, then that would be enough for him. 

“What if you’re wrong?” Nesta asked.

“You’ll soon come to learn that I’m rarely ever wrong,” Eris joked. Nesta scoffed softly. She sniffled and muttered something about arrogant males under her breath. He chuckled. “Nothing is ever guaranteed in life, and some days will be harder than others, but you don’t have to go through any of it alone,” he said, gently bumping her shoulder with his own. Eris didn’t know why he’d felt so drawn to her, but he knew at that moment that he’d do everything he could to let her know that she wasn’t in this fight alone, that he’d hold her up when she felt too weak to go on. Eris had failed the two most important people in his life. He didn’t want to fail Nesta too.

“Nesta, if you don’t train, next time it might not just be a room. It could be something worse. Why take that chance? What happened to you was wrong, but these powers are a part of you now. Let me help you,” Eris insisted. “We can go deep in the woods so no one will be hurt. I can teach you enough so you’ll have better control over it, and after that, if you still want nothing to do with your powers, then that's fine, but at least you won’t have to be afraid of that part of yourself anymore.”

Nesta didn’t answer him, but at least it seemed like she was seriously considering his offer. Eris got up. “I will find another room for you to stay in for the time being.” He hesitated when he saw how nervous and rattled Nesta still looked. “Or, you can stay in my room for however long you’d like.” She relaxed slightly at that. 

Eris left to give Nesta space to get dressed and have a moment to herself. He brought her dinner as per Nona’s instructions. Nesta refused it at first, but after some insistence from Eris, she ate. Eris slept in the chair by the bed that night. It was an uncomfortable night, but at least Nesta seemed to be getting some rest. Her body must’ve been exhausted from releasing so much power. He twisted and turned all night, convinced he would be getting no rest that night, but he must have fallen asleep eventually because when he woke up that morning, there was a blanket covering him.

Eris spent the next morning calculating how much money would go into fixing the damaged rooms. He focused on the numbers while also counting down the minutes until he would see Nesta again. He’d told her to meet him by the library that afternoon so they could go train. She hadn’t confirmed whether she would be attending or not. She’d only nodded, letting him know that she heard him. He hoped she would show. He had a feeling she would. Nesta Archeron wasn’t the type of female to give up without a fight.

[a-court-of-valkyries]

Engulfed In Your Flames

Chapter 14: Nesta

Nesta stared at the destruction before her. Charred walls, a burnt ceiling with pieces of it hanging like a disfigured and ruined curtain, debris piled all over the floor. Lesser fae servants were already hard at work to clean up the mess she made. The sight of it all only further gnawed at the guilt Nesta felt. 

Shame filled the pit in her stomach. People had gotten hurt last night because of her. She could’ve killed someone. Nesta hated the powers thrumming through her veins and blood, powers that were sound asleep since they had been let loose last night. She wanted nothing to do with the cursed thing living inside of her. She’d spent time after the war promising herself to never let her powers see the light of day as long as she could help it. She would restrict herself from using them even if the effort from it all ripped her apart—which she had slowly felt happening over the course of the last year; as long as it meant no one else would get hurt. Yet she even failed in keeping that promise, just like she’d failed at everything else in her life. No matter what she did, people still ended up hurt.

Her powers brought nothing but death and destruction. There was no good in them. The Cauldron was a wicked, monstrous thing, and Nesta had stolen from the essence and heart of it, making her just as vile as it was. 

The idea of training with Eris both terrified and frustrated Nesta. She didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to use her powers, but what Eris said to her replayed over and over in her mind. What if someone else got hurt because she was neglecting it? It did seem like it would be safer to practice control over them.

Nesta shook the idea from her mind. Maybe she could go back to self-medicating with the alcohol. It had worked for the past year. No one got hurt except for her. Eris wouldn’t care if she drank herself stupid as long as she stayed out of his way, and if he did, then she could always leave.

Nesta pictured the letter Eris left for her this morning. She’d woken up, momentarily confused by her surroundings until she remembered her room was completely destroyed, which was why she was in Eris’s bed instead of her own. The sound of crinkling paper had caused Nesta to turn her head. On the pillow beside her was a note written with the most impeccable handwriting Nesta had ever seen. 

The offer to train still stands. Meet me at the library by noon. 

~Eris 

Nesta had begun making her way to the library when she heard the commotion near where her room was, and her curiosity got the better of her, but seeing the aftermath of what she’d done extinguished the little courage she had to take Eris up on his offer. This was what her powers did. This was all it left in its wake: death and destruction. She could feel the slight tremor in her hands, and she clenched them tightly to keep them from shaking. Nesta turned abruptly to go back to Eris’s room when she ran into The Lady of the Autumn Court. 

“My apologies, my lady,” Nesta said, regaining her balance and smoothing out her dress. She could feel tears stinging her eyes so she dug her nails into the skin of her palms until the tears receded. 

“Please, call me Aryanna, dear,” the Lady of Autumn said. Nesta tried to give her a small smile, at least she hoped it looked more like a smile and less like a grimace. Before Nesta could attempt to excuse herself, Aryanna said, “Would you mind walking with me?”

Nesta kept her face blank, but her chest was heavy with nerves. Would Aryanna tell her she was no longer desired to be in the Autumn Court? Would she kick her out or scold her for losing control and messing up? Would she point out Nesta’s failures? She waited for the Lady of Autumn to reprimand her for her actions. She prepared herself for the rebuke the same way she did as a child in front of her disappointed mother and furious grandmamma. Being back in this position was like putting on an old pair of gloves or riding a horse after years without practice. 

Her mother and grandmamma had been awful creatures. She had a scar on her thumb to prove it. Nesta had been glad when the old woman died, but she missed her mother more than she cared to admit despite how horrid she had been. Nesta hated being the object of their disappointment and anger, and she dreaded knowing that Aryanna would now look at her with the same disgust as everyone else. Eris never spoke much of his mother, but Nesta could tell that she was a kind female, and she hated that she already spoiled what the Lady of Autumn must now think of her. 

It seemed she always had a way of making people think the worst of her no matter what she’d done. 

They walked in silence side by side and away from the destruction Nesta had caused. Anxiety churned in Nesta’s stomach and she felt a little light-headed, but she ignored it. 

“How are you feeling, dear? After last night?” Aryanna asked. 

“I have been better.” Nesta took a deep breath. “I deeply apologize, my lady, for what I have done, especially after you so graciously welcomed me into your court and home.” 

The Lady of Autumn merely chuckled, and the shock of it almost made Nesta stop in her tracks. “You have nothing to apologize for, dear. This is the Autumn Court. Fires are no stranger to us. I have borne seven sons in my long life. If I told you of all the fires we had to put out because of them, I’m afraid we’d miss lunch and dinner.” 

Confusion tickled Nesta’s brain. “You’re not mad?” Where was the scolding? Where was the judgment?

Aryanna looked over at Nesta. “Of course not. We are fae. Accidents happen often, especially with our long lifespans.”

“People were hurt because of me,” Nesta stated shamefully.

Aryanna stopped and took hold of Nesta’s hands. The act was so motherly. It cracked a small piece into Nesta’s heart. “They are being healed as we speak. It is nothing our healers cannot handle.” 

I don’t deserve her kindness, Nesta thought. It would only be a matter of time before she saw how wicked and vile Nesta truly was.

When Aryanna saw that Nesta was not convinced, she said, “You will come to find that as a fae, you will make many mistakes throughout your long life. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s how you handle those mistakes that determine who you are.” Aryanna gave her a small smile and gently squeezed Nesta’s hands. Part of Nesta wanted to picture the Lady of Autumn as her mother, just to see what it would have been like to receive that type of affection that she craved all her life.

“Come, dear,” Aryanna said. “Let us keep walking.” 

They walked in a comfortable silence for a few moments before Nesta spoke. “Your son offered to train me.”

“Are you going to take him up on his offer?”

“I haven’t decided.” Aryanna was silent as she waited patiently for Nesta to go on. “I’m afraid to lose control again.”

Aryanna hummed in understanding. “You know,” she said, “fear is not always a bad thing.” Nesta’s eyebrows drew together at the statement. “It means that there is something worth fighting for.”

“Do you think I should train my powers?” Nesta asked. She couldn’t figure out why, but Aryanna’s opinion meant something to her.

“That is not for me to decide, my dear. You need to do what is best for you.” She gracefully looped her arm through Nesta’s. “Perhaps the question you should be asking is if you will let this fear determine who you are and who you will become.”

                                                             ***

Nesta stared at the ball of fire twirling in Eris’s palm. She could feel the heat radiating off his hand, driving away some of the goosebumps that formed on her arms from the chilly Autumn day. It was wholly obedient to Eris, not growing or diminishing unless he would will it to. The fire, healthy and bright and controlled, danced until it disappeared completely.

“Your turn,” was all Eris said, his hand dropping to his side. 

Nesta was stiff from where she stood, her arms folded across her chest. Her heart raced inside her chest, and her palms began to sweat a little now that the attention was on her. A scowl marked her face as she looked up at the heir of Autumn. “What happens if I lose control again?”

“You won’t,” Eris said too confidently. 

“You don’t know that.”

“If you keep stalling, we’ll never see your powers.” 

“Maybe that’s a good thing.”

Eris sighed before gesturing to the empty clearing around them. “It’s just you and me. There’s no one around to get hurt.”

Nesta raised her chin. “You could get hurt.”

He shrugged, a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. “I’ll walk it off.”

Nesta glared at him. His confidence and utter ease towards this whole thing frustrated her. “Take this seriously. I’ve hurt enough people.”

Eris frowned at her words. The air was heavy with fresh memories from the night before. He stood up straighter from where he was leaning against a tree. “Nesta,” he said after a moment, taking a step closer to her until there was only a foot of space between them. “Do you trust me?” he asked, his voice low, his eyes sincere.

“No,” she answered. 

The corner of his mouth twitched. “Stick out your hand,” he ordered, his voice a bit husky.

Eris held her stare while Nesta worked up the courage to do what he said. He raised an eyebrow at her, his eyes challenging her. Nesta took a deep breath and held her hand out in front of her. She stared hard at her palm, trying to will her powers to come into existence as Eris had done, but nothing happened. The air was heavy with silence as the awkward minutes flew by and Nesta was unable to summon a single drop of power. A bead of sweat began to trickle down Nesta’s temple. Her head began to pound lightly from all her concentration. She clenched her teeth in frustration. Nesta couldn’t make sense of it. For over a year, her powers had been stubborn and bothersome, begging like a little child to be released. Yet now that Nesta was finally giving it permission, it seemed content to simply sleep. 

Nesta dropped her hand. “It’s not working.”

“Be patient.” Eris dipped his head slightly in the direction of Nesta’s hand. “Try again.”

Nesta sighed heavily through her nose but listened. She held out her hand again. She even wiggled her fingers to try to stir those silver flames into action. Do something! Even a flicker will do. It’s not like she never summoned them on command before. It worked during the war. Why not now?

“You’re too tense. Relax your muscles, take your time, get out of your head” Eris ordered sternly. “Focus.”

“I’m trying,” Nesta said irritably. Her eyes were still fixed on the center of her palm as she waited for a single flame to appear. But still, nothing. “You make it look so easy,” she mumbled.

“That’s because I’ve had over 500 years of practice.”

“Saying that only reminds me of how old you are.”

“Less talking, more concentrating, Archeron.” 

Nesta smirked to herself but soon dropped the expression as she began to concentrate once more. Everything seemed to distract her though: the whispering of the wind, the sun as rays of its light fell on the ground near her, they way the leaves crunched and rustled under her feet, the flapping wings of birds and buzzing of insects around them that she could hear so clearly thanks to her fae hearing. Even Eris’s presence distracted her. 

What if she lost control again? What if she burnt this forest down, destroying everything in it like she did her room? What if she hurt Eris?

She tried to hold onto that bit of courage she felt when talking to Aryanna this morning, but she could feel that sliver of bravery quickly slipping through her fingers like water. 

“Can we take a break?” Nesta asked, a bit short of breath.  Eris nodded, his gaze fixed on her. Nesta couldn’t figure out what he was thinking. He probably regretted ever offering to train her. 

Nesta sat where she had been standing. Her heart was beating fast and she could feel a slight headache coming. She felt like she’d just finished running when all she did was stand completely still while failing to conjure a simple flame.

“Did the Night Court ever offer to help you train your powers?” Eris asked as he sat next to her.

Nesta nodded. “I did some training with Amren. We mainly studied my connection to the Cauldron and the Wall. After the war, I refused to continue. I didn’t want anything to do with my powers. Then, they planned on making me train with Cassian when they wanted to lock me up.” 

Nesta ran her fingers through the smooth grass. The memories were unpleasant, and she’d rather look anywhere but at Eris, especially when she could feel his gaze burning into her. They never discussed what happened in Spring, of how Eris now knew why she had ended up in the human lands. Nesta didn’t mean to divulge so much information in front of him, but the rage had been boiling within her until she exploded at her sister. Part of her regretted saying so much. She didn’t want Eris to know that much about her. But another part of her liked having someone choose her for a change. It was nice having someone defend her to the Inner Circle. Maybe that’s why she didn’t mind opening up to him right now.

Eris scrunched his eyebrows together. “Why?”

“To heal, to control myself, and to learn how to fight I suppose.” Hearing those words echo into the air, repeating what Feyre had so naively told her the day she gave that ultimatum, made Nesta want to both laugh and scream in frustration and anger.

“How would training help to heal you?” Eris asked incredulously. Nesta shrugged, her mood turning sour at the reminder of the Inner Circle and that familiar rage growing from within the root of her heart and spreading throughout her body. Ever since that day in the Spring Court, she could always feel Cassian tugging on the bond between them like an annoying gnat. She tried to shut him out, to let her end of the bond go silent so he’d leave her alone, but he was persistent.

“Idiots,” Eris said. 

Nesta huffed in agreement. She didn’t want to be a fighter. She couldn’t think of a worse idea than wielding a sword or becoming a warrior. The notion that that was the only strength one could find was ludicrous. Nesta made it perfectly clear that she had no interest in being a warrior, and that would never change. But, as always, the Inner Circle tried to force that on her too, like they knew what was best. As if training and fighting would actually heal the broken parts within her. 

Nesta wasn’t sure what she should do with her life now, especially with centuries ahead of her. All the ways she’d been groomed and molded by her mother and grandmamma to be of use now rendered her useless. The only family she did have left betrayed her, causing a wedge to be driven between them. Nesta was lost and alone, and it scared her terribly. She didn’t have the first clue as to what she wanted to do or where she wanted to go with this vast amount of time she had, but she knew that the life her sister wanted for her was not the life that Nesta desired for herself. 

If that made her a pathetic waste of life, then so be it. It was a hard truth Nesta had come to realize long before Amren had yelled those words to her on the barge.

A strong wind blew at that moment, causing a choir of leaves to fall around them like snowflakes. Eris plucked a few from where they landed like a crown on Nesta’s head. “Alright, Queen of Autumn,” he joked, “try again.”

So Nesta held out her palm. Amren’s words, the intervention, the meeting in Spring, all these moments replayed in her head. But instead of letting that anger fester and grow wild, she tried to focus on it. 

And in the center of her palm, a small silver flame.

“I guess anger is a good motivator,” Eris observed from where he sat beside her. Nesta was so shocked that she’d actually been able to summon a piece of her magic that she failed to note how her eyes now glowed silver.

Eris’s own eyes were wide with fascination. Nesta let him see a bit of that person—see the savage rage and silver fire he’d witnessed the night before. Then she blinked and the fire was gone. Eris’s face tightened, and not from fear.

“See?” he said as he looked back to her, holding her gaze. “Nothing to be afraid of.”