tged webtoon ep 157 spoilers and thoughts but also a good amount of panel dissection that might be overanalyzed but i couldn't stop thinking about it so just let me yap okay it plagued me all weekend
.
.
.
.
.
.
i am so serious when i say this entire episode gave me like. so much worry and anxiety over the characters that i made myself upset thinking about it . the only thing saving me is everyone's fun expressions in this and specifically this panel of javier
HES SO SILLY CUTE PLAYING WITH THE SUMMONS THEYRE ADORABLE EEHEHEHEHE
anyway . to the brainrot
i think this panel of lloyd turning his back to javier, immediately after telling javier to go on break for a while, was the first little indicator of "oh no" for me
it really worried me that he said this, especially when they've been working together so much on their journey, so this was tiny little moment of "oh boy whats going on,,," for me,,, idk if anyone else felt the same but i had a feeling i would Not be ready for this ep. and i was right i was absolutely not ready
and then we hit the montage of javier going around the estate and observing how much the land has changed, and i really loved that!! it was really heartwarming seeing everyone, smiling and achieving dreams and stability in a way that the fronteras hadnt seen in a long time (hell i was convinced "oh everythings fine nvm" 😭)
some of my favorite panels in that sequence heehee bayern and his kids this was really really sweet WAAAHH
JAVIERS EXPRESSION HERE WAS SUPER FUNNY TOO absolutely gonna use this as a reaction image
ALSO THIS STATUE OF LLOYD ADHAHAHAHAHDFAHA IM PRETTY SURE IT IS RELATED TO IF NOT THE SAME AS THE STATUE IN CPSM they do have different poses so it mightve had to be rebuilt or something but either way . lloyd statue where he's near naked for some reason in the middle of frontera estate. a wonderful center piece good work team
AND MY BABY BOY SOLITAS he finally managed to create something im so proud of him GOOD JOB BUD!! THE CARVING IS BEAUTIFUL!!!
it just hit me as im typing this that they also say "[project name] complete" not sure if this is a translation thing or if it's something they picked up from lloyd saying "construction complete" but if its the latter thatd be REALLY CUTE
also that panel of tordes by the mines he looks genuinely . satisfied and happy?? the guy punished to work for the fronteras for over 100 years is having a great time LMAO
AND THIS PANEL OF JAVIER
THIS MADE ME SMILE SO WIDE
it's really really pretty, and javier can see that. he can see that the estate has grown and changed into a strong and capable place, and he echoed this in the last chapter but it's really worth celebrating this. so many accomplishments, in so little time, with so much efficiency. frontera estate has been raised from the ground up and seeing it all accumulated was so so beautiful,,,
so seeing this panel absolutely devastated me
the contrast is STRIKING. all of the brightness and light and warmth of the street javier is in is only seen in partial rays streaking in. lloyd is alone, surrounded by books and in a darker corner of the panel. isolated, facial features unreadable and working by himself,,, refusing to see or ignoring all of the accomplishments behind him.
it's like he's falling back into old habits. that workaholism that kept him alive when he was only kim suho in korea. in order to survive, to keep up, to stay afloat, to stay ALIVE, you must keep working. go to the next project, the next problem, the next assignment, and everything will be fine. only then will freedom be yours to have. only then will you be free of this responsibility you bear for those you love.
but he really doesn't need to do that anymore! he has a whole estate of people who will follow him to the ends of the earth, because he's proven himself to be capable of protecting them. he has parents who love him, despite his changes, despite his past, who have grown to believe in him.
he has his beloved knight, who is waiting for him to call for aid. who only needs a glance or a word to lend a hand. who is waiting for him to come outside and just SEE all that he's done. to celebrate, to have peace. to enjoy home. to simply be at home, together.
"when will you be able to come here...?"
javier, protagonist that he is, sees all this light around, and it's peeking into this library that lloyd is in, wondering where the engineer is, but his nose is to a book. because he is working. and that's,,, scary to see. there's a level of distance already taking shape because of old habits, and i don't know if either of them realize it
and like you look at the panel javier is in one more time and you can see, there's kids playing as javier and lloyd! they even have matching hair, and the dog is colored exactly like ppodong. super cute! but it worries me that they're on opposite sides of javier.
said this earlier; this is probably an overanalysis and this probably means nothing. it really is a cute lil cameo of some kids in town! but the fact that they are split like this is eating at me. ppodong-dog is on javier-kid's side, when ppodong is lloyd's summon? and again, they're on opposite sides of javier, will they join back together and keep playing? lloyd-kid is ahead of javier-kid, will he run on ahead without looking back? it's so cute and yet it's making me anxious!!! am i overthinking???
anyway, this split and the two panels contrasting each other like this filled me with so much nervousness that i had to close my eyes and just breathe for a little bit
then we see arcos and marbella talking about lloyd and it's clear they're worried about him, still unsure of where these changes in behavior came from and yet accepting it nonetheless because god dammit theyre good kind people
and when we see lloyd he looks,,,
tired, and disheveled, and still only thinking about working on the next thing. he keeps going on too, like there's nothing currently wrong with this; he's probably used to it, handling everything without a moments rest. the count and countess even mention it at the end of the episode
and when he treats the formal frontera attire lightly and scurries off again, it's like a final nail in this sinking coffin. honestly, i think early lloyd probably would have said similar things to try and skirt the count's attention, but this scene in combination with lloyd being depicted as separated from lloyd, appearing exhausted from continuous work, as well as the following panels of lloyd leaving,,, it fills me with anxiety and dread.
face shrouded in the darkness of the hall, so his features are unrecognizable, just like the library panel. who is that? is it suho or is it lloyd speaking right now? where are you going, into that darkness by yourself, shying away from the light you've brought to this estate? you don't have to do this alone.
and this long, looming distance stretching between him and arcos and marbella. stretching further as lloyd marches onward and alone, working by himself, away from the moments of peace and celebration that his family and his estate bring. into the dark. it's a little haunting to me.
these panels did a really, REALLY good job at solidifying this growing degree of isolation that lloyd is putting himself into, intentionally or not (for lloyd and for the artist lol). he's getting out of reach in his desire to protect everyone, to complete this responsibility he gave himself for the estate.
it's almost,,, backwards? in a way? in the early webtoon, there's a panel where suho is shown trying to reach for a light in the darkness. he believed that if he kept working towards that light, he'll find a way out of this hell he's found himself in, and so everything would be fine. here and now, it could be that he still thinks that this is the case, when it's in fact the opposite. he's brought this light to the estate, but he's putting himself in the dark (and alone, at that) in an effort to reach for the "next light". i don't think he realizes it. this makes me really, really sad. jesus christ well done artist/adaptor
what is it all for if you won't even rest? if you won't turn around and look at all these people who need you around? and not need you as in doing work for them, but need you as in wanting to be with you, and cherishing you, and spending time with you, and simply loving you. yes, time is short and yes, fate is looming, but all this effort to fight those things is still making him lose this connection he has with the estate. he doesn't have to do this alone,,, he doesn't have work endlessly. take a BREAK LLOYD
and by the end of the episode it's to the point that arcos and marbella have realized that that's not lloyd frontera. that's someone else. and gods their faces are DEVASTATING
eyes shadowed, irises blank and lost. they're not frowning deeply, but i can feel the upset layered in. is it disappointment or is it grief? i can't really say for sure, but man,,, man.
anyway yeah i hope u guys understand why this episode gave me anxiety LMFAO
i am so so so sorry for the overthinking/overdissection in this post but my brain started connecting things . whether or not they make sense or if it's just being nitpicky is impossible for me to see so. yeah take this however u will
i actually also briefly saw someone on twitter say that this wasn't in the novel? which is interesting and also a little scary i hope lloyd will turn out alright AHHH
i really hope next episode everyone will be alright ,,, please i cant take this much emotional twisting and turning im gonna lose my mind
see y'all next week or in the next shitpost,,, whichever comes first
38 notes
·
View notes
Welp, the ref lineup still isn’t done cause I haven’t drawn Shion yet, and the belated valentines I’ve been working on are gonna be like at least a month late cause I just planned three more, but what I did do these past couple weeks is start writing a fanfic and then immediately abandon it to go draw a bunch of only tangentially-related suzutsubas (except for that first pic; that’s a scene from it, albeit one I haven’t written yet), only half of which are fit for public posting (one of ‘em I could make a few edits and feel ok about posting sometime; it’s not that out there, it’s just, y’know. Hamal Cine Bad End Hyperbolic Torture Chamber. I’m usually very “whatever happens happens” about my art but if I don’t show some restraint I know I’ll end up stuck in there forever), but hey, since I’ve been teasing them for ages and finally have some finished stuff with them, take a couple Suzumii! Also gonna ramble abt headcanons under the cut (and it will be LONG)
To begin, a note abt my Len’en gender/pronoun headcanons: as a they/them preferrer myself, I’m thrilled that most people just stick with those for everyone, but I’ve developed some more detailed headcanons as I go through working on designs and I’ll generally be using those. Don’t worry though, most of them are still nonbinary and basically all of them are trans/gq. Relevant ones for this post are Tsubakura: they/them nonbinary (transmasc to some degree) and Suzumi: cis female, question mark?? (to be elaborated on); for clarity’s sake I usually use she/her for Arde and Hamal Cine individually and plural they for the system collectively (also I don’t usually use their nicknames, dunno why), but singular they for Benet (the wiki says Benny is probably short for Benetnasch so I’m assuming that’s their actual name) for reasons which will also be elaborated on (sort of).
Aaalso this clearly isn’t autobiographical or anything but I think I’m subconsciously putting a lot of myself into Suzumi because 1) we do look pretty similar (brown wavy bob + blue eyes) and 2) given their current status as both the main antagonist and the most well-known plural Len’en character (I get the impression that Hooaka also being plural isn’t super common knowledge; I mean it took me several read-throughs of their wiki page and their dialogue with BPoHC Secret Team to get what they were getting at lol) I am probably way too anxious about doing a bad stereotype. Just an observation and also probably partially why I’ve even ended up with so much headcanon for them in the first place
And before I get into the thick of it, notes on derivations from canon: I’m running with the assumption that Suzumi being a system is a relatively recent development tied to whatever incident it was that caused the falling-out, since Tsubakura is like the only person who seems at all familiar with Hamal (including Mitori/Chouki/Fumikado, but they’re more easily explained away as just having met with one of the other alters the few times they’ve interacted) even though she’s supposedly usually the one fronting. They don’t seem to know the mechanics of it though, judging by their confusion when Arde implied that she and Hamal are different people. So basically, I’ll be referring to pre-incident Suzumi as a different character from any of the other three. (Ngl I am very influenced by Dissociation Constant on that and just in general [when will my wife The One and Only Suzutsuba Fic return from the war…..]) I was also debating whether to have Suzumi have any history with the gang before starting to work at the lab/whether stuff would happen around high school or college age, cause they keep referring to everything happening “a long time ago” and I know I, a 24-year-old, feel like stuff that happened five years ago was like yesterday, but I do have the pandemic and not really doing much of anything for most of that time to reckon with so like, eh. College age makes more sense in my head and so does the dynamic of like, Suzumi was only introduced into the friend group (she was acquainted w Hoojiro and Yabu already though bc lab) because she was dating Tsubakura and since that ended, and badly (understatement of the century), they have extremely little reason to be civil with each other and also interacting at all is really awkward.
Ok now on with it! Either end of high school or beginning of college, Suzumi ends up interning at Tsubakura’s lab for college credit (Tsuba’s already practically a department head despite being like 17 or something because. Idk. Who even knows what’s up with them) and she’s like. Only wears t-shirts and jeans (bought a bunch of khakis for this job though), [reading] glasses from the men’s section, hates leaving her hair down (it’s lab safety anyways). Repressed queer in denial, you know the type. Starts interacting a lot with Mx. Tsubakura “wears short shorts that everybody thinks are actually a skirt and also uses ore and omae almost exclusively” Enraku who seems to have everything all figured out and is immediately starstruck (GIRL WHY?? they are such a mess). Lots of “do I want to date them or do I want to be them” confusion (this will be relevant later); eventually evolves into the “am I trans or just a lesbian” question (not that they would need to be attracted to women to be into Tsubakura but you get the picture), which never quite gets answered.
In any case, they do eventually start dating (Tsubakura thinks she’s cute and smart so they reciprocate), and they’re not like super great together cause Tsubakura is emotionally constipated at the best of times (Suzumi’s into that though) and neither of them are the most mentally/emotionally healthy people even back then and also Tsubakura is more or less Suzumi’s boss which is weird, but they’re kind of ok??? Tsubakura’s mom dies at some point, also they move in together (college housing is expensive), the rest of the crew at the very least tolerate Suzumi, etcetera.
And then…! [insert catastrophic event here]!! I don’t have a shot to call on this yet cause I have no idea what it could’ve been (and I’m sure it’ll get revealed at some point anyways); I’m just banking on it being something extremely not mundane and something where you could reasonably set the blame on either (or neither) party cause they sure both seem convinced the other is way worse, huh! In Tsubakura’s case at least, blaming Suzumi is partially a defense mechanism so their self-loathing doesn’t get the better of them over it (guess what the fic was supposed to be about, lol).
The worst part of all this business though is that they DON’T break up over it immediately and it just makes everything orders of magnitude worse for everyone involved. Tsubakura and Arde have hate sex MORE THAN ONCE………… they would both really rather forget about it. Hamal thinks it’s hilarious, ofc, but the less said about her, the better. And Benet… exists??? The only idea that I’m running off of for them atm is the observation that I think they’re the only character with flat black eyes other than Tsubakura/Tsurubami and the subsequent idle thought, “hey if someone malded so hard about a breakup that they ended up with an introject of their ex would that be messed up or what?” So make of that what you will. (Oh and it may have been obvious that this is what I was going for but Hamal is femme and Arde is butch and they’re constantly squabbling abt aesthetic presentation. Having Arde be straight-up male would’ve been too straightforward of an interpretation and I think it’s funnier this way)
The canonically mentioned murder attempts start taking place and I’m leaning towards Tsubakura eventually being convinced to move out even though it was originally their apartment, albeit mostly just because the wikipedia page for house sparrows mentions that they’re known to take over swallows’ nests, usually after they’ve been abandoned, but they will sometimes drive away or kill the current occupants, and that was a very fun fact to come across when specifically doing research for Len’en but idk how else to incorporate it lol. And so on and so forth up until the present time.
Uhhh is that all I have atm? I think so! Anyway, I think I finally shook out all my suzutsuba doodles (and rambling, though I do still have that fic to work on. idk whether I’ll be able to finish it though; I started strong with an extended metaphor in the middle but Iiiii’m not sure if I can successfully write my way up to it while making it make sense. Also I may draw pretty slow but I write even slower!! Eh I’m sure I’ll post some of it sometime) for the time being so I should theoretically be able to finish up my bigger projects now. Maybe I’ll have the valentines ready in time for white day? We’ll see!
27 notes
·
View notes