#FF - Pt. 13

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 35

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"Andrew, wake up." Andrew felt a hand on his shoulder and he lashed out as he always did. He found himself rocketing towards consciousness as he heard Neil's pained grunt. Panic lances through him as he realizes what he had hit instead of the intruder and he's glad they compromised when he and Neil had started to sleep in the same bed.

Andrew pulls Neil in closer to protect him even as Neil groans at the sudden jolting movement.

He needs to get-

"I already moved your secret pillow knife Andrew." The intruder says as Andrew's hand grasps at nothing. He has a second one but the intruder is now armed and Neil-

"Erik and the Hans Moretti Sword Box are the only combination of me, another guy, and blades being stabbed at me that I will accept. Now, wake up." The familiar sounding intruder says.

Andrew blinks awake.

Nicky's frowning face is staring down at him.

"I need to borrow the Maserati, or you need to drive me to Abby's house. Right now." Nicky says without a hint of the fear.

Or, at least, not fear of Andrew.

"What's wrong with Smith?" he asks holding out his hand for his pilfered knife as he rubs Neil's side where he had lashed out instinctively.

Nicky looks at him for a long moment before handing the knife back to Andrew, "There's...I just feel like something isn't right. I want to be there with him, I shouldn't have left him there." Nicky says.

Andrew didn't disagree.

FF had been relaxed and at ease, drinking the disgusting smoothie that Kevin had forced on him, and Andrew had noticed a hint of a smile on his friend's face.

Then that fuckface showed up and FF had looked worse than when Andrew had stabbed him. He still remembered the garbage that piece of shit had spewed and Andrew hated knowing things about his friend that his friend hadn't told him.

Hated that his brain could piece moments that made a horrible amount of sense now. FF staring at his car the first time before climbing in, how he had requested that Andrew focus on the road, Nicky looking at all of them exasperated "Smithy was going to walk back", and-

“See, you’re still upset over what that guy did. Why are you clinging to the last name of the guy that did this to you?” Fuckface asks from behind them, “He almost killed mom and you. He did kill our two-“

"Stop."

Andrew makes himself stop thinking about it. It wasn't something FF wanted to talk about.

"The keys are where I always put them." he says because he thinks if he gets out of bed he might go hunt fuckface for sport. The thought of seeing fuckface's well fucking face as he hits him with the Maserati is not a bad one.

"Thank you Andrew. Sorry Neil." Nicky says and Neil waves it off having mostly drifted back to sleep as Andrew had rubbed his back mindlessly.

Nicky leaves without another word. Andrew settled back into bed hand still mindlessly rubbing Neil's back. He closes his eyes. He thinks about how FF had looked at those two kids a few weeks back.

He'd looked like a good older brother.

He holds Neil tight, focuses on the feeling of his even breathing on his neck, and listens to Kevin's snoring to think about a monster consuming Daniel whole.

******

Sometimes Matt feels like he misses out on things with his friends. It didn't happen that often and he doesn't regret the Thanksgiving he spent with his Mom and Dan. Not a single atom regrets making hand turkeys with Dan or holding Dan and his Mom's bags during their Black Friday spree.

He still felt ice in his stomach when he heard that some of Nathan's men had come for Neil and that FF had gotten hurt. FF hadn't seemed overly bothered by the injury and Matt was looking forward to having the freshman as a roommate once he was fully cleared by Abby.

FF was a good kid and Matt had a hard time disliking someone who so obviously looked up to and liked his best friend. He'd told Dan about the 'Captain Neil' title and the two of them had just about died talking about how sweet they both found it.

Which is why he feels a certain kind of way when he finds out his Skype date with Dan had him miss out on a face that, based on what he heard from an incensed Aaron, was in desperate need of a punch.

"Where's Nicky?" Matt asks.

"He couldn't stop worrying about Smiths, he doesn't have Friday classes so he mentioned something about sticking with Smiths." Aaron explains over his oatmeal and Matt turns his head towards the wall they shared with Neil, Andrew, and Kevin's room as he hears the blender going. Aaron shovels the remainder of his oatmeal into his mouth, "I gotta go. I'll see you later." he says.

Matt waves his roommate off and wonders what the sudden rush was but it was hardly three minutes later that Kevin Day was bursting into their room without knocking. "Aaron, I need your-" Kevin stops gaze settling on Matt. "Where's Aaron?" he asks.

Matt looks at him, "He just left." he says. Kevin looks to the ceiling in obvious frustration, "Anything I can help with?" Matt asks while at the same time cursing himself for asking.

"Have you had breakfast?" Kevin asks immediately.

"Uh...no?" Matt says.

"Perfect. Drink this." Kevin says shoving a smoothie into Matt's hand. Matt looked at the blue-ish smoothie in his hands and then back up to Kevin. "You asked if there was anything you could help with. Tell me how that tastes." he points at the beverage and Matt recognizes the distinct smell of one of Kevin's health shakes.

"I don't want to do this." Matt says setting the smoothie to the side.

"I'm trying to improve the flavor." Kevin says, "It was brought to my attention that it isn't very...good tasting." Kevin adds sounding like the admission costs him something.

"Just now? You just figured out they taste like butt, just now?" Matt asks incredulously.

Kevin flushes, "Smiths drank it without complaint!" he exclaims.

"Yeah, 'cuz Smithster is nice! Also I think his face is just stuck like that." Matt says.

"There was no way I could have known they were gross!" Kevin argues.

"Kevin, most people TASTE the things they're giving to others." Matt points out and Kevin only grows redder.

"Are you going to help me improve the taste or not?!" Kevin demands pointing at the smoothie, "that's phase one right there." he points at the beverage.

Matt considers it, "This is to make these god awful smoothies taste better for Smithster?" he asks finally feeling like there was something he could offer his friend.

"Yes." Kevin says.

"And you can't just taste them yourself....because?" Matt asks.

"I need multiple datapoints, it can't just be me." Kevin answers immediately.

Matt rolls his eyes but he was not one to deny the scientific process, "Fine." he agrees and grabs the smoothie, "You said this was phase one of improving the flavor?" he asks.

"Yes." Kevin says.

Matt nods and brings the smoothie to his lips.

Bitter. Slimey. Why is it spicy? So Bitter. It's liquid how is it chalky?

He immediately spits it out, "Why does it taste like that?!" Matt demands immediately. "You said it was phase one?!" he hisses.

"That's the control. I needed your opinion on where I was starting." Kevin jerks his head to the side towards the entrance of Matt's dorm, "C'mon, we've got work to do." he says leaving the room without taking his godforsaken smoothie with him.

Matt looks to the ceiling like Kevin had earlier. Honestly, the world had been a darker place since Kevin had to take the required science course last year.

****** There was no singular more 'freshman' thing that FF had done, in Nicky's opinion, than the fact that the kid had early Friday classes. Nicky had gotten to Abby's place late and hadn't slept before, too caught up in a conversation with Aaron.

FF had been awake when he'd gotten to Abby's, staring blankly into the fridge and based on how cold his friend's pajamas were he couldn't help but wonder how long FF had been there. So he herded FF back to bed and FF had pressed his face into Nicky's shoulder and hadn't let go. So Nicky had crawled into bed after FF had nodded his consent.

Nicky had slept terribly.

Still, he woke up with FF's alarm. FF's gaze was about a thousand miles away but he got ready for his two early Friday classes robotically. Nicky shot a text to Aaron and Andrew to let them know that he'd stick with FF for the day to make sure that if Daniel showed up he wouldn't bother FF.

FF walked into a wall as he was texting. "Aw, bud." he says and sets him on a new course.

Andrew texted to tell him that Neil was going to talk with Wymack about not giving Daniel a chance.

He heard another thud, "Oh, Smith don't run into that." he hears Abby say worriedly.

Nicky puts his phone away.

Focus.

He gets FF through breakfast and through the walk to campus. He takes a seat next to FF in his Math class and ignores the narrowed eyes of the person who's usual seat he has obviously taken. He turns in FF's homework, pays attention, takes some notes, answers the clicker questions for FF, and guides him out and over towards his next class.

He sees Daniel being shown around campus by Jack.

He texts Aaron for back-up. The two of them manhandle FF across campus just in time for his Japanese class and Nicky and Aaron swear up and down that they are just there to look in on the class. Nicky hands the clicker off to Aaron since the future doctor's handwriting left a lot to be desired.

Eventually it was done and Nicky and Aaron had to maneuver FF through a truly STARTLING amount of people who wanted to 'have a word' with FF. Nicky remembers that kid from months back. 'The Adonis of the Foreign Language Department'

Eventually through a combination of Nicky's polite declinations, Aaron glowering, and FF walking into another wall they managed to escape the Foreign Language department of Palmetto State University.

"I think we deserve a treat." Nicky says, "Everyone who agrees raise your hand." he adds and raises his own hand before lifting FF's hand up and looking to see Aaron lift his own hand up.

"Are we sure he's okay in there?" Aaron asks waving a hand in front of FF's face as they made their way to an ice cream shop that had excellent waffle cones and was the place that sold FF's favorite triple berry milkshake.

"Yeah, this happens sometimes." Nicky says even if it had never gone on this long with FF having to reboot his system. It feels like his friend may have blue-screened but Nicky's willing to wait it out.

"If you're sure." Aaron says expression giving away how unconvinced he is but he moves along, "Did you do what we talked about last night?" he asks.

"Yeup." Nicky says popping the 'p' at the end.

"Good." Aaron says as he opens the door to the ice cream shop.

****** Andrew is walking to Abby's with Neil, Kevin, and Matt to pick up his car. Nicky had texted Andrew that he and Aaron were hanging out at Abby's trying to get FF to snap out of whatever daze he had fallen into.

"We have to let him tryout and there will be someone from the university there making sure it's all fair." Neil spits the word out with obvious disgust. "Like any of this shit is fair!" Neil kicks a pebble on the sidewalk.

Andrew keeps his thoughts to himself that if Daniel just doesn't make it to the tryouts then there's no issue. This whole mess kicked off because he stabbed FF and Andrew wanted to make it right. FF may not blame Andrew and may still reflexively tell anyone who asks that Romero did it, but Andrew can't forget the moment he looked over and saw his knife in FF's stomach and realized that the blood on his hands was his friend's.

"He might be a good addition to the team." Kevin says.

"Kevin, if you say that one more time I'm going to dump phase 3 down your throat." Matt hisses.

Kevin recoils in visible disgust and notably keeps his mouth shut. Andrew will have to get the recipe off of Matt if it's that effective at shutting Kevin up.

They make the final turn onto Abby's street and Andrew's eyes narrow as he looks at Abby's driveway where there was only one car.

"Where the fuck is my car?" he asks.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

NEXT

[flowers-of-tenebrae]

Random DotF musings pt. 1

(spoilers for the whole book)

A Savior Lost - Ardyn:

So I uh totally forgot there was an "animated prologue" to Ep Ardyn. I did watch it...back in 2019. That means between Episode Ardyn, the animated prologue and DotF, his story has been told thrice in three different forms. Huh. (Well it's par the course for FFXV tbh)

It starts off rough tbh, but I like how the author reminds us of Noct's "shaggy hair and wayward nature" in the opening paragraph. Then you realise it's set in chapter 13 so any slight amusement - at Noct's expense - becomes 😭

I've had DA brainrot, so the justice (Somnus) vs. vengeance (Ardyn) themes stood out. In executing his ideals of justice and governance, Somnus corrupts Ardyn's purpose (his calling) and leads him on the path of vengeance... Culminating in Ardyn doing unto Noctis/Somnus what Somnus did him: 1) Somnus slaying Aera before Ardyn vs. Ardyn stabbing Luna in Altissia, and ofc 2) Ardyn vowing to destroy Somnus' entire legacy and lineage (through Noctis), much like how Ardyn's past as the "savior healer and future king" was demolished/buried and how his wondrous future (as king with Aera by his side) was cut short. This all seems v obvious, but it sounds cool to me when framed with DA's concepts of spirits vs demons - i.e. "if you see them as a demon, they'll become demons and reflect your expectations back at you".

Also obv Jesus/Judas parallels

The last line goes hard ✍️🔥🔥🔥

Now, the train has clearly steered off the rails of canon and into new territory

Not a fan of them casting Bahamut as the big bad antagonist (so cliché). Like the way his speech (as an Astral) is formatted though

It's easier for me to accept the Noctis/Somnus and Luna/Aera parallels in 2024 than it was back in 2019. But even more important than those are the Ardyn/Luna parallels, which we can see taking shape in this part.

Verdict: A slog to read, denser than expected, less exciting bc I've experienced Ep Ardyn - and the animated prologue. Certain parts felt more like reading a "dry impassive timeline" than a story. (I still question Aera's judgement in telling Somnus.) But this chapter does set the stage, so I can see why they still included it. And it's worth re-treading for that last scene alone.

The Beginning of the End - Aranea:

There's anti-food promotion for once, too much of it really. (Ew stale popcorn)

We learn a little bit of Niflheim's past state and its decline. Cool

Omg mentions of Aranea's parents!? Do we know more about her parents than Iggy's?? 😂

Wow they have an aerial safety net system in Gralea (for dragoons...?) Also, Gralea 🔄 Garlean empire - yeah the ff devs weren't subtle (it's a FFXIV ref)

Aranea's penchant for nicknames strikes again -> Tiny = Diamond Weapon

I liked seeing more of Aranea's dynamic with Biggs and Wedge and learning a bit about the latter two. Not as much Aranea + Sol in this ch as I'd expected, but that's okay for now.

While not quite as impressive as [ME2 spoiler] Miranda giving her resignation to the Illusive Man, Aranea going "I really can't stand you" to Ardyn, winking, then diving off the edge of Zegnautus Keep is still pretty awesome

The ffxv devs keep trying to make me care about Loqi but it's never worked

BONUS: FFVI ref spotted! (dancing mad) + minor Tenebrae lore drop (they were a tourist trap /jk)

Verdict: Some parts were repetitive ngl BUT this was more engaging than the prev ch bc 1) it's new content, 2) ARANEA!! - however the action scenes would've been more exciting to play through vs. reading. I'm going to sound like a broken record here; I feel robbed we didn't get to play as her (DRG ladies ftw) and see her wink on screen 🥲

[teakookssi]

Before I Leave You [Eren/Levi x Reader FF]

[ full story can be found here or here ] [Overview & prologue] ➺ pairing: levi ackerman/eren jeager x fem!reader  ➺content: mafia au, crime, arranged marriage, enemies to lovers, angst, lol so much angst ➺warnings: violence, blood, strong language, guns/weapons, and illegal activities are all mentioned but hey, that’s aot for you, so if you can handle that, you can handle this (: 

chapter 13: one way ticket to hell pt 2

When you finally arrive at the Karanes station half an hour later, you exit the train with Eren following closely behind. Bear back in your bag.

The Northlake Garden Park is a short ten minute walk from the train station and though you hardly come across anyone during that time, the streets are poorly lit and unfamiliar that it has Eren looking around nervously and flinching at any sudden movement over his shoulder.

By the time you reach the park’s entrance, Eren’s completely on edge.

He shakes his head beside you. “I don’t like this, Anya.”

But you ignore him and move along with haste, cutting through the open grass towards the area you know Cas frequents.

There’s still people out for evening strolls, and for the most part they never get close enough to interact. It’s only when Eren has to steer you out of a joggers path after Eren notices him approaching you far too closely than he’s comfortable with that his anxiety hits its peak.

“What are we doing here?” he hisses angrily through gritted teeth after the jogger runs past.

“I’m meeting a friend,” you answer simply.

“What kind of friend?”

“A very important one,” is all you offer him before ultimately coming to a complete stop.

Cas and his nanny stand in the middle of the kid’s favorite bridge looking out over the lake. The two undercover cops assigned to him linger at the bottom of the bridge a respectful distance away.

Eren doesn’t miss the faint curve of a smile on your face as he follows your line of sight to see what’s got your attention, but Cas is too far away for Eren to make sense of things. For all he knows, he thinks you’re meeting some crime lord, not a lonely eight-year-old child.

You slide your gaze to Eren beside you and extend a hand out in front of him. “Give me the bag.”

Eren studies your open hand for a moment before he does as you say with great wariness. “What are you going to do?”

You nod to the paved pathway behind him. “I suggest you take a walk now.”

You start for the bridge, not waiting to find out if he does as you say, but before you can take a step Eren hastily grabs you by the wrist, holding you back.

“No!” he argues back. “Not until you tell me what’s going on. You can’t just—“

Before he can finish his sentence, you break out of his hold and swiftly twist his arm behind his back. He cries out in a mix of pain and surprise, but your hold does not let up as you hastily shove him forward to pin him behind the closest tree to avoid the attention of Cas’ guards.

“You forget yourself, mate,“ you hiss dangerously into his ear, beyond annoyed. You’ve lost enough time as it is. You’re not about to let this night go to waste because of him.

Eren tries to resist you, using his free hand to push against the bark of the giant oak tree, but you twist his arm further and press his face and chest deeper against the tree to keep him in place.

“There’s a reason people fear me,” you continue with a growl. A reason they call you a messenger of Death. “Don’t make me have to remind you.”

You release him soon after — though none too gently — and leave him behind you to recover behind the oak tree without sparing him a second glance, unwilling to see the kind of expression written on his face after attacking him in such a way.

Once close enough to the bridge, you wave to the blond hair boy before you with Bear prominently in your arms to get his attention. When Cas spots you, his face lights up with joy and quickly rushes over to greet you; his trust in you undeniable.

—

After Cas leaves the park a little while later, Bear is ready for a well deserved nap after entertaining the boy for you without pause. Nestled in your arms, you transfer him over to your canvas bag for him to sleep as you make your way back to where you left Eren last. He waits for you by the oak tree with a sullen look on his face, a hand on the shoulder belonging to the arm you twisted. But you know that’s not the main reason for the grim expression on his face.

From this distance, Eren stood close enough to watch you interact with the boy, so it wasn’t hard for him to put two and two together. He’s seen Erwin Smith before. And his son is the spitting image of him. Yet you don’t say a word to him as you walk past him out of the park in the direction leading back to the train station.

For a while Eren trails wordlessly behind you, but his silence is deafening, and you know he’s too upset to hold himself back for long. So you move with haste and maintain your distance, hoping to be out of town before he causes a scene in the middle of the street.

Reaching the train station some few minutes later, you send Eren away to get a pair of tickets from the ticket booth for the both of you.

But Eren doesn’t move.

When you turn to him, you find him glaring at you with a clenched jaw, clearly hating how casual you’re being despite the wicked plan he now knows you’re planning to execute. And for a split second you think this is the moment where he’s going to turn on you.

But then he lowers his gaze and turns away to do as you’ve instructed. Albeit, tense, and with hands curled into fists at his side.

When he returns, he looks far more wretched than when he left as he stares at the train tickets in his hands. The moment he takes too long to hand over yours, you anticipate his outburst.

Unfortunately, he couldn’t have picked the worst time to do so.

Over Eren’s shoulder, stepping onto the platform a few feet away is a forest-green uniformed copper making his rounds. Knowing they never go on duty alone, you subtly glance behind you to your left where another copper has made an appearance onto the platform.

“Why are you doing this?” you hear Eren demand in front of you, his voice trembling with outrage and completely oblivious to your newfound company. “What are you trying to accomplish?”

Though Eren speaks in an angry tone, his voice does not rise. Still, the copper behind Eren turns to you both in attention.

Shit.

“That’s really none of your concern,” you answer Eren tightly under your breath while trying to calculate all the ways this can play out for you if the train doesn’t get here soon.

As you subtly remove your bag from across your chest, you notice from the corner of your eye the copper behind Eren closing in with heedful steps, watching you with wary suspicion.

You try not to make any sudden moves. The cop is too far away for him to recognize your features. But when you glance back over to your left in search of the second cop, you find you’ve lost track of him. He’s nowhere in sight and you fear he’s run off to call for backup even though he’s most likely scouting the area on the opposite side of the train station.

Despite your lack of attention, Eren continues his ranting. “He’s just a child!” he argues angrily. “He’s innocent! You can’t possibly be capable of something so —”

Just then, a strong gust of wind cuts through the night, blowing through the platform and knocking your hat off your head without warning, revealing your face under the bright lights of the train station.

The main cop recognizes you the moment you lock eyes with him. But the second he reaches for his gun, you hastily shove Eren to the ground and draw out your own, simultaneously dropping your bag with Bear in it onto Eren’s lap.

You shoot before the cop does, but the bastard dodges your bullet in the nick of time.

Refusing to give him time to recover, you continue shooting in the direction he sought cover behind a pillar to keep him in place.

“Stay down!” you shout at Eren over your shoulder before making a run for the other side of the platform to take cover behind a similar pillar.

Once out of the copper’s visible shooting range, you release another round of bullets in his direction. You manage to hit him square in the shoulder, but the cop refuses to go down and continues shooting at you, trying to hold out until backup arrives.

Except, the train to the Founding Sector arrives first, and you curse everything to hell.

The roaring of the train’s engine clashes with the sound of gunshots ricocheting across the station as it comes to a stop at its designated platform. But your attention immediately goes to the front of the train where the conductor resides. The second he looks out and sees what’s going on out here he’s going to cut the time the train waits on the platform and take off, not wanting to get caught in the middle of a gunfight.

Your hold on your gun tightens as you watch from across the platform as the doors open for passengers to board or exit, and you glower back at the cop keeping it out of reach from you.

You need to finish off the bastard now or you’ll never make it back on the train alive.

But as you reach for a magazine from the holster belt at your waist to reload your glock pistol, your hand comes up empty. That’s when you realize: in your haste to keep Eren out of the copper’s line of fire, you left your bag with him and forgot to take the extra set of magazines you’d packed in your bag with you.

Worst yet, the conductor has now realized what’s happening and has hastily begun to move the train out of the station. Eren—who obediently remains crouched on the ground as you instructed, taking cover behind a lamp post across the platform—notices too and he looks to you helplessly, unsure of what you want him to do.

He knows as well as you do this is the last train scheduled for the night. You can not miss this train. Problem is, you’ve already gone through your spare gun; all you have left are the handful of bullets you carry in your revolver.

You glance over at the green uniformed copper taking shelter from behind the pillar across the platform.

It’ll have to do.

Swapping your empty pistol for your revolver, you make sure there’s no other threats around you before rushing into the open clearing, your eyes zeroed in on the cop’s location.

Once he sees you making your way across the platform back to Eren, he wastes no time in attacking. But in doing so, he’s left himself just as vulnerable.

The moment you get a clear shot of him, you trust your natural instincts to keep you out of range from the series of bullets he sends your way, and let Death guide your hand as you release your own set of bullets.

True to your name as Messenger of Death, your bullets aim true—two to the chest and one to the copper’s head. Yet despite neutralizing the threat, you know better than to let your guard down.

A second cop—the one that had disappeared earlier—reappears before you across the station.

With Eren as his target.

“EREN!” you shout in warning just as the cop races towards him and opens fire.

Eren flinches at the gunshot and folds in on himself even further to protect himself, unaware of the threat that had been approaching behind him until the metal bullets started bouncing against the lamppost.

Ignoring the burning sensation in your legs, you quicken your speed to cut across the platform in time to reach Eren. You try shooting at the cop amidst your running, but your revolver draws empty. You’ve run out of bullets.

All the same, you remain undeterred.

Before the copper can turn his gun in your direction, you unsheathe a few blades from under your sleeves and throw them across the station with skilled accuracy. Two of them hit him across the chest while the third pierces his neck.

The cop instantly drops his gun and falls to his knees just a few feet before reaching Eren.

Eyes wide in panic, the cop reaches for the blade protruding from his neck with shaking hands, knowing that if he pulls it out he’ll only bleed to death faster.

Eren stares at him in horror, oblivious to the train in front of him that has begun to pick up speed out of the station.

“Eren, go!” you command sharply to snap his attention away from the dying cop before him. “Get on the train! Now!” But Eren is still stricken with shock and fear. He’s far too disturbed to move or acknowledge anything else happening around him.

So you force him to react to something else.

The cop your blades have pierced remains alive. Coughing up blood and on the floor, but still alive. You cannot leave him like this at the off chance he survives. These cops were on duty making their rounds, and though they may not have been the guards hired to protect Erwin Smith’s son, they recognized you the second they saw your face. If they were to spread word to Erwin that you’d been spotted this close to his son, you’d lose your leverage over him.

Reaching the cop first, you yank him by the back of the hair towards you, eliciting from him a panicked cry as you motion to retrieve the dagger from his neck. His attempts to stop you are weak and futile—the blood stains he leaves on your hands and coat the only signs of his struggle. Eren also realizes what you’re about to do and moves to stop you.

“No! Don’t!” he cries out desperately, a hand extended out towards you to stop. But your eyes are cold and ruthless as you twist the blade sideways on the cop’s neck, and in one clean sweep slit the man’s throat.

Eren flinches as blood splatters on the floor in front of him. Yet your expression remains unfazed as you pull out the two other daggers from his chest and let the cop’s body fall to the ground in front of you with a heavy thump. You then take a spare handkerchief from your coat and wipe them clean before securing them back in their holsters.

Eren stares at the unmoving figure before him in aghast before his expression slowly changes. When he looks up at you again, his eyes are reproachful and unforgiving. As if you’ve committed the worst crime imaginable. As if you haven’t done this hundreds of times before.

You step over the cop lying dead on the floor to cut the space between you and Eren, a hard scowl lining your features. You just saved his goddamn life! How can he have any sympathy for the cop when he had been seconds away from killing him?

“You have yet to see me at my worst, Eren Yeager,” you remind him darkly. You then lean in to roughly take back your bag from him. “If you can’t handle me now, don’t bother coming back.”

Throwing the bag over your shoulder, you turn your back on him and make a run for the train before it can gain anymore speed and disappear completely off the platform.

You make it onboard with ease and start digging for some coins to bribe the conductor with since Eren never actually got to hand you your train ticket. You consider this an excuse to linger by the opening of the door, and not a sign of weakness.

But there’s no one around here to fool except yourself.

The true reason you keep glancing over your shoulder is not because you’re on the lookout for the conductor. You’re on the lookout for Eren, waiting for him to appear in front of the door you just jumped in from.

He doesn’t, of course.

Eren is not meant to follow you into the darkness. Your violent and vindictive nature is not something anyone can control.

Nor do you want it to be.

Refraining from looking back any further, you keep your attention forward.

Bear proves to be a good distraction as he pops out of your bag the second you take a seat in one of the many vacant chairs within the passenger car. He starts meowing at you incessantly, as if reprimanding you for all the noise and rough handling he’s had to endure while traveling inside your bag.

You smile down at him in amusement and nod to his every meow like you understand what he’s saying.

“I know,” you coo at him in agreement, sounding like a mother soothing her weary child. “You’ve had quite the adventure.”

To compensate him for his troubles, you reward him with a generous amount of treats while you pet him in all his favorite spots. In return he purrs loudly against your touch, letting you know you’re forgiven.

A figure approaches from the passenger car connected next to yours a few minutes later, and at first you think its the conductor making his rounds, checking for tickets. But then you do a double take and you’re surprised to find its not the conductor, or any other wayward passenger in search of a seat.

A mixture of emotions run through you at the sight of him before you, but you keep your features composed and try not to overthink what his presence here means.

Sliding the cabin door open to your passenger car, Eren steps inside your compartment.

You regard him warily with narrowed eyes from across the cabin as he makes his way inside, unsure of what he’ll do next since he always seems to end up doing that which you least expect him to do. But his eyes are downcast and he wears a dejected expression on his face that you’re undoubtedly responsible for putting there.

Without directing a word to you, he sits down a few seats opposite you.

The longer he goes without speaking to you, the more anxious you become. Still, you refuse to be the one to break the silence first so you ignore him for the duration of the ride as he does with you.

Reverting your focus back to Bear, you play with him until the feline grows tired and falls asleep in your lap. With the way he’s curled in on himself, completely at ease by your warmth and presence, you almost don’t want to disturb him.

But alas, your weapons need reloading.

Careful not to startle him awake, you scoop Bear up and gently settle him on the seat next to you before you draw out your weapons. Your hands move with skill and precision as you reload your firearms with the magazines in your bag, enjoying the satisfying click they make at the end when they’re fully armed and ready. Leaving your revolver for last, you slide its corresponding bullets inside the silver cylinder until all six chambers are loaded.

You sense Eren watching you from where he sits across from you as you do this, seemingly on edge by the noises your guns are making.

Which only confuses you all the more. If he’s so bothered by all this, why did he even come back?

After what seems like forever, Eren finally breaks the silence.

“Who is Erwin to you?” he demands as calmly as he can muster, but given the scowl still branding his features, he is still very much upset. And you have to refrain from flinching by how uneven his voice sounds.

You snap the cartridge to your revolver shut and return it to its holster.

“A dead man walking,” you answer flatly.

Eren’s hands curl into fists at his lap but he forces himself to ask, “Why do you and Levi hate him so much? What did he do to you?”

Images of your home being invaded, your mother dead at your feet, you standing over her grave as they bury her underground, flash before you.

“He ruined me.”

You spin your two remaining firearms on both of your index fingers before crossing your arms across your chest to place them back in the holsters under your arms.

You lock eyes with Eren. “I plan on returning the favor.”

He throws you a scathing look. “By spilling innocent blood?”

“Blood is all I want,” you reply back mildly. “I will fill rivers with it if it means getting the justice I am owed.”

Eren’s frown deepens, appalled. “Justice?” His body turns towards you, eyes ablaze. “Justice is working with the police. With the law. To try and change the system. To end things peacefully. What you want is revenge. That is not the same thing.”

“It is in my world.” You settle back against your chair with your arms crossed over your chest, but though you appear to be reclining, you are wound tight. Your eyes are sharp as daggers as you then add haughtily, “But I don’t expect you to understand that.”

Eren stares at you with a clenched jaw, annoyed and frustrated by your stubbornness. But the determined look in his eyes tells you he refuses to give up on you. So he changes tactics. With a heavy sigh, his shoulders sag and his features soften. His tone, pleading.

“I know you’re angry,” he says in a low voice. “I know you’ve been hurt. But—”

“Then you know why the commander must die,” you cut him off irritably. Eren may have a sense of what Erwin had done to you and your family but he did not know the details. If he did, he wouldn’t be saying any of this.

Eren shakes his head. “Not like this.” He rises from his seat and takes ginger steps across the moving train to move closer to you. “Please. You can choose to forgive him. To show him mercy.”

“Mercy?” you repeat with a snarl, leaning forward in your seat. “You think Erwin Smith deserves my mercy?”

“No,” he clarifies hastily, stopping in his tracks. “But you deserve peace. And forgiving him is the only way you can start to heal.”

“It is not in my nature to forgive. Perhaps it had been, once,” you admit with a hint of lament that you are unable to mask from him. “But when my mother died, she took along with her whatever goodness there had ever been in me. I have nothing left.”

Eren shakes his head and takes a step towards you. “You don’t believe that. You can’t—You can’t seriously think this is what your mother would have wanted for you? To live your life solely for vengeance?”

Your siren eyes flash up to him in warning, but Eren presses on. “You think she would be proud of the person you’ve become? I may not have known your mother, but I know for a fact if she saw you now, she would be devastated to see her daughter capable of so much evil.”

“Evil?” You laugh wryly. “Despite what you’re always preaching, mate, I am not the villain in this story.”

Eren narrows his eyes, the desperation visible in his gaze and tone. “If you’re not the villain, then stop acting like one.”

Your eyes crystalize into something dark and dangerous as you regard him with a tilt of the head. “You accuse me of committing atrocities.” You stand and take a threatening step towards him, and Eren—noticing this dark shift in you—wisely steps back. “But nothing I have done can ever measure up to what that bastard did.”

You draw Eren into a corner until the back of his knees hit the seats of the train behind him. With nowhere to move, he unwillingly falls into the seat as you lean forward and raise an arm to grip the back of his seat, not once breaking eye contact with him as you continue.

“Under his leadership, a specialized police force was sent to my family’s home with a search warrant thinking they would find incriminating evidence against both my father and Levi’s father. In their attempt to taking them down, they raided my home. Killing anyone within sight. Innocent lives were caught in the crossfire. Including my mother’s.”

Eren visibly flinches at the hatred in your tone and he starts to turn away, wanting to look away from the intense fierceness in your eyes. But you keep his face in place with a thumb and index finger against his jaw, forcing him to keep his eyes on you. He’s close enough for you to see the shade of green in his eyes glisten against the light of the train like summer leaves in sunlight— bright, bold, and beautiful. But you refuse to let the sight of them warm your heart.

“You still think my wrath misplaced?” you demand icily. “You think it fair for a child of only six to have to watch her mother bleed out to death in front of her?”

Eren works his jaw, hating the direction this conversation was taking, but he says nothing, knowing your question is rhetorical.

“When my father found me covered in my mother’s blood afterwards, shaking with fear… He saw my pain, my grief. And he promised to make things right again. He said he would make everyone responsible to suffer the same way they made us suffer. And he did.”

Eren shakes his head and closes his eyes in a grimace.

“Stop,” he whispers, so softly that if you weren’t as close as you were you wouldn’t have heard him. He tries to move away. “I don’t want to hear this.”

You press a hand over his shoulder, shoving him back down. “What’s wrong?” you ask mockingly. “Is the truth too hard for you to swallow?”

He knocks your arm away and shoves you aside, walking away from you to create some space from you across the passenger car. “You’ve proved your point. You can stop now.”

“Stop? But you haven’t heard the best part! Don’t you want to hear how he did it? How my father hunted down every single one of Erwin’s men that had been sent in to raid our home that day? Don’t you want to hear of all the ways he tortured each and every one of them in the comfort of their own homes and slaughtered their families like they did mine?”

Eren moves for the door with a shake of the head, having heard enough.

“He saved my mother’s killer for last,” you drawl behind him in a sinister tone.

Eren pauses at the door, a hand frozen over the handle as you continue.

“By then, the cop knew what my father was doing, and that it was only a matter of time before he got to him. But when he least expected it, my father made his move and invaded his home, just like he did with us. And oh, did my father take his time with him.”

Eren’s grip on the door handle tightens until his knuckles turn white as a ghost.

“Hours my father spent with him, keeping him just barely alive for him to give my father the information he wanted on Erwin. Then, while his seven-year-old son watched, my father murdered his wife in front of him the same way it was done to me. In the end, knowing the cop would not survive for much longer, my father let the cop live out the last moments of his life wallowing in guilt for all the pain and misfortune he brought onto his family for his actions. When my father left, he said he saw his son crawl to his dying father’s side, but who knows if the kid survived on his own after all that.”

Eren bristles at the mention of the son and turns to you reproachfully.

“Do you even know their names?” he demands, seething. “Do you know the names of any of the people he killed?” His eyes narrow at you accusingly. “Of the people you’ve killed?”

You scowl back and growl through your teeth, “They do not deserve to be remembered.”

Eren looks appalled and turns away to sit at the nearest seat from him, looking defeated and out of strength. Even the look in his eyes has grown dull as he stares at an invisible spot in front of him with a distant, unfocused gaze. You think he’s probably regretting following you back now after all you’ve said to him.

Either way, you leave him to his own thoughts and try to keep him out of yours as you make your way back to Bear who is still curled up asleep where you left him last.

As the train arrives at the Founding Sector’s train station moments later, you glimpse over at Eren who is leaning forward in his seat with his elbows on his knees and his head in between his hands.

It shouldn’t bother you that he looks so miserable, but it does. And you hate it. But you refrain from going to him.

This is what you wanted, you remind yourself. This was the whole point of letting him come along, to show him who you really are. For him to see that you’re really not worth saving and that he’s better off giving up on you.

While you collect your cat inside your bag and move for the door, Eren struggles to his feet. As you get closer you notice how pale he is.

“Oi,” you say coolly, intercepting him at the door. “You don’t look so good.”

But he ignores you and brushes past you, forcing you to watch him go as he stumbles off the train into the deserted platform.

You instinctively reach out to grab him by the arm before he can hit the floor as his legs give out on him, but he slaps your hand away.

“Don’t!” he shouts vehemently, hastily stepping back from you.

Your eyebrows shoot up, startled for a second by the strange look in his eyes, but then he blinks and it vanishes. Before you can question it further, he points an accusatory finger at you.

“You let me come here with you,” he growls at you with reproach. “To witness—” He presses his lips together, his expression pained, as he looks in the direction of where the train just came from. “To push me away.”

Your jaw tightens, but your features remain aloof. Neither acknowledging nor denying anything.

Not that Eren needs you to.

He’s clearly seen right through you, and that’s what has him most upset.

He shakes his head at you when you say nothing, and you hate the disappointment glistening in his eyes when he does.

“You want to go down this path?” he questions with disdain. “Fine. But if you wish to destroy yourself in the process, know that I made an oath to your father. And I plan on honoring it—with my life if I have to.”

He turns and staggers off in the direction of the canals that lead back home without another word.

Your nails dig deep into the palm of your hands, trying to swallow down your rage. But there is no hiding the burning frustration from your eyes. The way you watch after Eren is similar to the way a monster is forced to watch its victim walk away after escaping from its clutches.

This is not the way you imagined this night to go. But quite honestly, when has anything gone according to plan when Eren is involved?

And yet, all throughout the walk back home as you follow closely behind in Eren’s footsteps, you can’t stop thinking about the strange look Eren threw at you when you tried to steady him off the train. It had only been there for a second, but it had been enough for you to recognize the same pure, undiluted loathing that you saw on the faces of your enemies every time they looked your way.

It surprised you then because you would have considered such an intense, hateful gaze out of place in the eyes of someone like him. But when you locked eyes with him, in that brief moment you saw that dark look manifest in those kind, hopeful and passionate eyes you were so used to looking back at you, it did not seem misplaced at all. Rather, these raw emotions of his reflected so deeply within him, it made you believe they had always been there. Hidden behind a curtain that was never meant to be unveiled.

But it has. And now he’s got alarms going off inside your head, telling you to be wary of him even more than before. Because even if you can’t fully read Eren’s true intentions, of one thing you’re absolutely certain of: Eren is hiding something.

A dark secret he’s buried so deep within that even the brightness in his emerald eyes dimmed when you’d caught a glimpse of it trying to break out from its confinement…

Ahead of you, Eren disappears from view as he turns the corner leading down the backstreets of Trost Lane. You proceed after him with an air of casual indifference despite your senses warning you to not lose track of him, to keep him close. Secrets are dangerous—they become a liability, and sometimes, if left unsupervised, can ultimately destroy you.

But you also know that in the underworld knowledge is power. And what Eren doesn’t realize is that in this line of work, secrets are never kept secret for long. One way or another, all hidden truths come to surface.

And his will be no different.

[aita-alternia]

@it@ f@r letting my empl@yee quit? I (14 sweeps, mtf, cl@wn) quit my j@b @s @ gl@di@t@r 6 sweeps @g@, s@mewh@t messily bre@king it @ff fr@m my then m@tesprit (13, m, cl@wn.) Since then, I @ssumed @n @ltern@te identity @nd st@pped we@ring my f@cep@int. I @m n@w the c@pt@in @f @ se@f@ring crew. My first m@te (12.5, f, j@de) w@s re@lly @bvi@usly int@ me, which w@sn't s@mething I w@s n@t interested in pursuing @t the time bec@use I h@ve n@t been f@rthright with my identity. Als@, I d@n't find her @ttrr@ctive. Anyw@y, I've been ign@ring this in the interest @f rem@ining pr@fessi@n@l. The @ther d@y, she c@me int@ my @ffice t@ resign. I h@ndled it @s y@u w@uld expect, @nd she blew up. She @sked if I c@red she w@s le@ving @t @ll. @bvi@usly, I d@. I've w@rked with her f@r 5 sweeps, but this didn't seem t@ be the re@cti@n she w@nted. @IT@?

[postsofbabel]

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[cocrante]

MASTERLIST

A collection of all my fanfiction, oneshots and original stories that I have written or will write over time

Riordanverse - solangelo

I Start Over With You - completed

1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11 • 12 • 13 • 14 • 15 • 16 • 17 • 18 • 19 • 20

Walking the Wire - completed

prologue 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7

Riordanverse - Maria di Angelo x Hades

Unwritten - work in progress

Genshin Impact - haikaveh

Scarlet Touch, vampire au - work in progress

Genshin Impact - wriolette

• The Rapsody of Draconis Licore - work in progress

Original work(s)

A Shadow in the Night

Riordanverse - percabeth

30 days OTP challenge - suspedend

Genshin Impact - wriolette

Flufftober 2023 - modern au

1 • 2 • 3

Genshin Impact - cynonari

Celebrating Ramadan 2023

Genshin Impact - ittorou

Comfort in the Storm

Genshin Impact - haikaveh

Haitham birthday 2024

Kaveh trims of his beard

Kaveh's birthday letter 2024

Riordanverse - solangelo

Solangelo in Venice

Genshin Impact - haikaveh

The Art of Seduction pt 1 • pt 2 • pt 3

Young kavetham pt 1 • pt 2 • pt 3 • pt 4 • pt 5 • pt 6 • pt 7 • pt 8

Mechanic Kaveh but it's a family au pt 1 • pt 2 • pt 3 • pt 4

King Deshret and the Goddess of Flower but it's a modern au

College au

Mermaid au

Skater au

Something angst, sorry

Incoherent wip

Haikaveh but Haitham is asexual

Dating app

Genshin Impact - ittorou

Perhaps an ittorou ff but angst

Ittorou ff but Itto is an halfdemon

Genshin Impact - wriolette

Supernatural au

Genshin Impact - tomokazu

Something sad, sorry

Honkai Star Rail - ratiorine

flirt & bickering pt 1 • pt 2

Free - rinharu

Under Thousand Stars - oneshot

Genshin Impact - haikaveh

Morning Bliss - oneshot

[wangxianficfinder]

Directory

Rec Lists:

Fic Finders | In the Mood For | YiZhan FF/ITMF

Compilation posts:

Missing Fic Finders 6 (latest update) | Missing Fics Comp of Comps

Fic Compilations

Fanwork Research & Reference Guides

Tips/Resources for making Podfic's

Other fic rec blogs

Sports AU bookmark collection by @scifikimmi

13 Wangxian collections based on special themes/tags by @hhtopblog

WangXian in Space bookmark Collection by @the-marathon-continues-nip

Danmei Diaspora Creatives Collection by @DMdiaspora

Miss Mojo's Bookmarks / Miss Mojo's Favorite's

List of Upcoming Fic Comps

Incomplete list of MDZS/CQL Author's pt.1 | pt.2

FAQ:

How To… Get all your wangxian requests fulfilled!

What do the hearts mean?

How to report fics on Ao3

How to recover fic deleted from AO3 that’s NOT on the Wayback machine

Schedule of ITMF & FF posts

🔒(lock emoji) will now be used to show which fics are restricted to account users only

If people have any problems or complaints about long posts, please remember that there is a post shortening feature on Tumblr that will automatically add a "Read More" to a long post. We also add a "Long Post" tag to every ITMF, so you can also block that tag if you need to.

Please do not censor words in asks, it affects others who have Muted/Blocked them.

Mods:

Mojoflower (She/Her) | ladyunderthemolehill (Mod L - They/Them) | MissCellophane-Ao3 (Mod C - She/They/It)

[pissandcigarettes]

when your management becomes a patient

went to a VSA (vital signs absent aka dead.) today, my partner's and I's first as a duo; basement apt in the old neighbourhood I grew up in ( still doesnt feel normal to do what I do in a city that I know all too well. ) Basement apartment, elderly gentleman, crowded, dirty, hot, sweaty. The arrest was run well with all paramedics and firefighters on scene doing their job well, about 6 of us in total, 4 medics, 2 FF's.

Supervisor comes on scene a few minutes behind us. Which was weird because our supervisors rarely show up to most of our calls, so why they showed up to this call, even if it was a person dead in basement..remains mostly a mystery to me. All was still going well until Supervisor decided it would be a good idea to stand his 6 foot 13 inch GD body straight up and smack their head off a low edge and open up their skull .....and drip bright red blood all over the deceased patient's floor, and become someone we new we need to worry about, aka a pt. Deep laceration to the forehead, deep enough to need stitches, didnt lose consciousness but was hunched over on the ground, in their hi vis jacket with "Supervisor" on the back, and blood on the front. But here's the funny part.....

7 total first responders on scene and not ONE person had any bandages or even a first aid kit with them.. Anyway, supervisor drove themselves off in their own vehicle, probably still seeing stars from the bash on the head, our patient remained deceased despite all efforts, nosy neighbours asking what happened, cleaned up the scene, delivered bad news to heartbroken family, stayed on scene til Police arrived. On to the next call.

[nemo-of-house-hamartia]

All the Stories can be read on my Ao3 as well :)

Last updated:4th April 2025

FF XV- Ardyn Izunia/Luscinia Lucis Caelum (Canon/Oc)

It’s a Dangerous Game: Prologue

Luscinia Lucis Caelum - Infographics

AC II - Federico Auditore/Lucia Barbarigo (Canon/Oc)

Hidden Kisses (One-Shot) - Completed

Spring of Dance and Dreaming (One Shot) - Completed

Rondó Veneziano (Short Story-Chaptered) - Pt.1,

Lucia Barbarigo’s HC - ask

Federico and Lucia’s HC - ask - 1 -

AC: ROGUE - Shay Cormac/Aura the Selkie (Canon/Oc)

Under the Northern Lights (One Shot) - Completed

Aura and Shay: First Encounter- Ask

Aura and Shay HC - 1 - 2

Crack Pairing Ask

AC: UNITY - Canon/OC (several characters);

A Fragment of My Soul - One Shot- Completed

Confluence - Ch.1 (coming soon)

Confluence - WIP

Colette de Beaumont HC- 1 - 2

Antoine De Beaumont HC - 1- 2 - 3

Mathias De Beaumont/Dorothea Starrick HC- 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6

Baguette Bois Asks - 1

Mathias and Dottie - Moodboard 

De Beaumont Siblings Headcanons - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6

-AC: SYNDICATE - Jacob Frye/Dorothea Starrick (Canon/Oc)

In The Heat of The Moment (Chapter Fic - In Progress)

Ch.1- Of Memories and Secrets Ch.2- Echoes of The Past Ch.3- Confrontation Ch.4- Homeward Bound Ch.5- Awakening of the Hunter Ch.6- The Wager

Dorothea Starrick - Infographics

In The Heat of the Moment - Compendium Characters Masterlist

- The Templars (pt.1)

- The Templars (pt.2) 

- The Starrick-Frye Children

- The Green-Frye Children - Coming Soon

Haunting Dreams - One Shot

Haunting Dreams - Moodboard

The Witches of Månenshavn - WIP

The Witches of Månenshavn - Moodboards

Moonlight Kissed (Chapter Fic - Supernatural AU) - Ch.1

Moonlight Kiss!Jottie Moodboard 

Moonlight Kiss! Jacob Moodboard

The Dragon Queen!AU - Drabble

Under the Ocean, Above the Clouds - Lore

Dark Waltz (One Shot) - Completed

Dorothea Starrick’s Trivia - ask

Dorothea and Evie's relationship - ask

The Lady of The Lake - One Shot - WIP

Jacob's Birthday Cake - Prompt

Dorothea's Birthday - One Shot

The Ouroboros- One Shot

Dorothea Starrick's and Jottie's HC - 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12 -13-14

Dorothea Starrick's Daily Life - Ask

Lord of the Rings/ACSyndicate Crossover - Under The Shades of the Mellyrn - drabble

Chronicles Of Narnia AU - WIP

Unusual Muse Associations

5 Sentences Prompts: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7

Emmett Starrick-Frye HC - 1

Aesthetic Meme Moodboard 1 - 2 - 3 - 4  - 5 - 6

Random Trivia : 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6

Funny Jottie Instances - 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6

VtM - London by Night: Wip - Wip

THE LOST BOYS -David/Robyn/Tatiana (Canon/Oc)

Robyn Michelle Irons - Bio

Tatiana Yelena Volkova - Bio

THE ARCANA

Raniya Al-Yassin's Profile

-NemoTurunen

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 13

PREVIOUS

“I can’t believe you would go out on Black Friday to grocery shop but I guess thanks for going out on Black Friday to grocery shop.” Aaron greets him with as FF moves over to the table.

Andrew and Captain Neil had apparently went out shopping.

Andrew and Captain Neil had apparently come back and have been in Andrew’s room for the past couple hours.

“Josten probably wanted to go to Excites for some gear. I don’t know what my brother sees in that Exy-obsessed jerk.” Aaron says as he eats his own smiley eggs and bacon. FF hears the sound of a hammer and a drill from Andrew’s room.

Heart in his throat he forces himself not to think about what Andrew and Captain Neil COULD be building.

(A guillotine, an iron maiden, that weird wedge thing that splits people in half at the groin, He should NOT have taken that Spanish history class. Oh god it’s probably a fence so he can’t escape whatever hunting ground Andrew is going to drag him to if he can’t buy his continued existence via baked good.)

“Shut up, they’re actually really sweet to one another.” Nicky chastises before turning to FF, “Because of that your final serving goes to Smithy. He deserves it more than you.” Nicky says and slides the final plate of eggs and bacon.

“He’s just as bothered by it as I am!” Aaron scowls.

“By what?” FF asks because there are a lot of things that bother him so Aaron is going to have to be more specific.

“By those two being all close. I’ve seen the way you turn and walk away.” Aaron reaches across the table for his bacon but FF just pushes the plate closer to him. The two plates he had already eaten were more than enough, especially after the full dinner that they’d had the night before. “You’re grossed out by it too right?” He asks as he goes to stab the bacon.

FF slides the plate away and Aaron stabs the table.

FF is NOT HOMOPHOBIC.

His gran raised him better than that.

“I don’t agree with you.” He says because he doesn’t but can’t bring himself to say anymore. He’s in Aaron’s house, he stole Aaron’s keys that morning to lock up the house.

(it was so rude but what if someone broke in because he left the house unlocked? What if someone got hurt just because he wanted to ensure his own survival? Isn’t it better that he just borrowed Aaron’s keys to make sure that no one in the house got hurt? Does FF still believe with every fiber of his being that Andrew Minyard is trying to murder him in this exact house? Yes. Can these concerns coexist peacefully? Also yes.)

If anything he finds Captain Neil and Andrew to be an incredibly nice couple. They talk about things together, they make plans about their future, their PDA was actually pretty minimal (especially in comparison to Aaron), and he had figured out the weird code Andrew talked in so he was pretty sure that Andrew and Neil loved one another.

The only issue he has with the couple is that they are out at a store probably buying supplies to torture and then kill FF.

Otherwise they were perfectly fine.

Aaron scowls, “You can’t be serious. You walk away faster than you run on the court when you see the two of them getting all gross.” He points with his fork and tries to grab the bacon again.

FF frowns deeper.

“I walk away even faster from you and your girlfriend.” He returns because Aaron and Katelyn are the couple who have been the MOST guilty of initiating something in front of him when he was in ‘Visible only when the sunlight strikes him at the exact right angle on the summer solstice’ mode.

 He had tried to clear his throat to get them to quit quite a few times but…well…he has heard Katelyn mention that one of her and Aaron’s favorite ‘hang out’ spots might be haunted….so he hadn’t been overly successful.

“PDA makes me uncomfortable in general. Captain Neil and Andrew are a very nice couple who you shouldn’t talk bad about.” He defends as one of the only people who would know exactly how thoughtful the two were to one another.

He hopes his Gran is proud of him for saying something.

Aaron looks at him with a twisted mouth for a while before relenting, “Fine they’re not that bad. It’s just a big brother thing.” Aaron rolls his eyes.

FF swallows down some acid in his throat and pushes the smiling eggs and bacon over to Aaron who smiles back at the breakfast and proceeds to eat it.

A big brother thing.

FF gets up and heads over to the final bag that Andrew had left out on the counter. FF had bought some additional offerings for his mortal soul to tide Andrew over while he made the brownies. It’s also where the incense and his latest two five hour energies should still be.

He finds the incense, wonders if he hallucinated the five hour energies (very possible), and hands Nicky a box of sour patch kids to distract him when he comes over.

“Smithy, why the hell are you lighting incense?” Nicky asks because the sour patch kids were NEVER going to be enough to distract Nicky. That would take something on the level of Swedish Fish but he’d been more focused on avoiding the candy thrown by an irate woman towards a member of Target staff because the grocery department couldn’t get her the redemption coupon for one of the flat screens in the Electronic department so he had FAILED to procure them. He’d even seen a box sail through the air is bullet time because his brain was too hopped up on Five Hour Energy but he’d let it go believing he could just grab a box at check out. THEN HE ZONED OUT IN THE CHECK OUT LINE AS HE STARED AT BOTH THE FUTURE AND THE PAST AND FORGOT HE WAS IN THE PRESENT WHERE HE HADN’T GOTTEN THE DAMN SWEDISH FISH.

“I’m going to make my Great Grandma’s brownies.” He says in response, “I’m hoping to channel her so I don’t mess up.” He says.

“Oh! More grandma baking goodies?! I can be your assistant baker! What do you need?” Nicky says visibly vibrating with excitement at the prospect. “We can listen to Mariah and I can lick the spoon!”

There is a noise of revulsion from the kitchen table.

“Don’t let him lick the spoon Smiths! He gets WEIRD about it.”

“That sounds like what someone who wants to lick the spoon would say.”

“Oh shut up!”

“That’s not a NO!”

The cousins continue to argue about spoon licking rights as FF gets started checking to make sure that the kitchen has all the necessary equipment to even make his brownies. He’d been so tired (last night? This morning?) that he hadn’t thought about even checking that the cousins would have things like a glass bowl, an baking dish, pie tin, etc.

Thankfully FOR ONCE luck is on his side and FF does not have to walk back to the Target.

So he finishes pulling out everything he’ll need, getting the oven pre-heated, and pulling out the ingredients for the brownies from the fridge.

He lights some incense with the stove top burners sends a quick prayer up and wonders if maybe a ouija board would have been better but if the Home Goods section had been a dangerous spot then the toy section would have been like walking into an active war zone. There are no laws as far as parents are concerned when it comes to getting the ‘it’ toy for their kids. FF has watched the highs and lows of humanity in the Barbie aisle more than once.

So he melts chocolate, he sifts flour and sugar, he separates eggs, and he uses every muscle that Kevin’s insane work out regiment had given his arms to whip those egg whites into stiff peaks. He knows his great gran is with him when Nicky and Aaron continue to argue (they are now talking about the ethics of licking the spoon vs. licking the bowl? He doesn’t quite get how they got there but alright) so Nicky doesn’t hear him say “Stiff Peaks Acquired” to himself because he knows Nicky well enough to know that he would have NEVER heard the end of it.

He uses all of the delicacy his gran had ever tried to teach him to fold those egg whites into the chocolate and then to fold in the flour and sugar. There are more steps, more ingredients, but unless you are family then those are CLASSIFIED.

Great Gran had always been the suspicious sort.

The oven beeps to let him know it’s done pre-heating as he’s carefully transferring his great gran’s life’s work into the baking dish.

He was so focused that he hadn’t even realized that Andrew was back until he turned to do the dishes and found Andrew holding the bowl and running his fingers through the scant remaining mix and shoving it into his mouth.

He is surprise that the scream remains in his head. He’s even more surprised that he stays upright. Maybe the nap did him some good even if it let Andrew and Captain Neil build whatever torture device they were intending to use on him.

He really needs to drink some pepto. He doesn’t think that Andrew will pause their ‘The Most Dangerous Game’ recreation to let FF manage his ulcers. Andrew is staring straight at him.

Andrew offers him the spoon.

FF declines. Raw eggs, sugar, and chocolate? With THIS stomach? He’d almost prefer to be chased through whatever enclosure Andrew is going to drag him to.

“When did you wake up?” Andrew asks.

“Hour ago.” He answers.

“Hm.”

“I’ll make the pie tomorrow.” he ventures trying to extend his life by another day.

Andrew shoves the spoon into his own mouth after that and walks out into the dining room. FF hears both Aaron and Nicky’s cries of anguish.

FF looks at the brownies in the oven at the incense burning on the counter and wonders if that was Andrew’s way of confirming his stay of execution.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

NEXT

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[chicchanooliner]

Bizarre HC I came up with last night pt.2/?

Aka, Chi should actually write some of these as soon as she finishes her finals and also sleep ffs. AKA the Yamafam special.

The only thing Rei and Ichiro have in common is their obsession with the colour red, red shirts, red mics, red, red, red... not bc its their eye’s colour but bc it was mama Yamada’s favourite colour.

Rei’s reason behind his obsession is that is mama yamada gave him a bouquet of red tulips when she proposed to him.

When he was young, Rei was constantly told to grow a pair in school bc of how quiet and shy he was, upon meeting his wife, things changed and he became more outgoing as to fill in the silence that his wife gave him back then

Mama yamada was a feminist (fight me) and an animal rights activist.

One of the many things, Yamabros share with their mama is the ability to see ghosts, for Ichiro, it began as soon as he was born, for Saburo it wad until he reached 10, while Jiro can only hear and see a faint silhouette of the ghosts. Rei can only hear his wife’s voice when he is sick tho.

One of Rei’s plans when he was young was to open a flower shop while his wife run a small business so they can recreate the fanfics’ troop of (strong business girl meet florist himbo boy).

Mama Yamada’s fav naruto character would be Uzumaki Kushina (again, fight me) while Rei’s favourite character was Uchiha Itachi.

One of Rei’s favourite foods is Macaroons, especially strawberry flavoured ones, Ichiro hates them bc his mom would make them with Rei and they would flirt like there is no tomorrow as they make them together.

Despite Mama Yamada loving red, she hated strawberry with passion, although she did nicknamed Ichi with Ichigo (いちご) bc no matter how much she tries to tame Ichi’s hair, his hair won’t listen and would look like a strawberry’s calyx.

The Yamabros have an exotic shorthair kitten named Kuro (who is a piece of shit and likes ruining Saburo’s stuff) and a tuxedo cat named Shiro (an absolute angel when compared to Kuro) both cats were found by Jiro when he was out on the rain one day, (Shiro is a 2 years old cat, Kuro is a 3 months old kitten.)

Jiro would and will brings whatever animal he meets home, so far he had found like 4 dogs, 10 puppies, 13 kittens, 5 cats, almost 20 birds, 2 bunnies and a pig.

Although Jiro had to give up almost all of them, he had recently started saving up to get himself a place to get all the animals he rescue without Saburo talking about how they cannot have more pets at home, he also hopes to get himself a farm so he can live the farmer’s life™️ and live with as many animals as possible.

[ylvapublishing]

I posted 320 times in 2021

150 posts created (47%)

170 posts reblogged (53%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 1.1 posts.

I added 1.201 tags in 2021

#wlw books - 152 posts

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#ylva publishing - 30 posts

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Longest Tag: 25 characters

#international lesbian day

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

A look into our WLW publishing house

48 notes • Posted 2021-09-29 13:01:01 GMT

#4

Happy International Lesbian Day!

52 notes • Posted 2021-10-08 09:50:58 GMT

#3

WLW Book Recs: Angsty Romance with Happy End Pt. 1

Follow us on TikTok

52 notes • Posted 2021-10-02 13:01:21 GMT

#2

Ylva is giving away an e-book a month throughout 2021 to help readers out in tough times.

We did this last year, too, and thousands of readers enjoyed some wonderful escapism on us.

The first free lesbian novel is from Jae on February 14.

To be sure to snap up Jae’s free book and hear about all our offers this year, subscribe to our newsletter.

99 notes • Posted 2021-02-03 14:01:31 GMT

#1

Today we have a highly anticipated cover reveal for you: Truth and Measure by Roslyn Sinclair, the first part of The Carlisle Series.

What happens when the world’s fiercest fashion editor learns she’s pregnant—and her distracting assistant is the only one she can turn to? This wildly popular age-gap lesbian romance mixes humor and chaos with self-discovery.

[Check it out here]

108 notes • Posted 2021-11-07 14:00:48 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[postsofbabel]

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[hexandbalances]

Lupercalia pt. 5

Chthonic, Apotropaic, Purification, and Fertility

Forewarning: this post makes mention of ritualistic animal sacrifice. Though no details of the practice are given, it may be distressing to some readers. Exercise caution before following citations.

And now we come to the final leg of our inquiry. Since we most recently discussed the role of Pan/Faunus, we’ll begin with the role of the goat.

Goat Sacrifice

In Greece the popularity of sacrificing goats cannot be understated. As a creature connected to the underworld, prophecy, and fertility, the goat is an appropriate candidate. Goats were also seen as cathartic creatures; catharsis (from Greek κάθαρσις katharsis) meant "purification", "cleansing", "clarification" of one from a religious transgression. The sin or guilt of a people could be transferred to the goat and thus expelled or purified by its sacrifice. The Kelonai at Delphi, for example, sacrificed a goat for deliverance from a plague.

Goats were sometimes offered in ritu humano - as a substitute for human or wild animal sacrifices. The cult of Dionysus in Potniae substituted a goat for a boy, and the cult of Artemis at Bruaron substituted the sacrifice of a goat for a bear. The cult of Veiovis sacrificed a goat in this way; indicating that the practice was known in Italy. We see this more directly explained for the Lupercalia by Ovid (Fasti, 2, 425 ff) in the sacrifice of a goat to circumvent the rape of the Sabine women by Faunus. 

Goatskin was a divine badge worn as the aegis by Athena, Zeus, Apollos, and Juno. Though there are different versions, Hyginus (Poeticon Astronomicon, vol 2, 13) tells us the aegis was formed from the skin of Amaltheia. It is clear that the potency of the animal was thought to reside in the skin.

Lashing

Ovid and Plutarch tell us the intended outcome of the lashing was to promote fertility. Blows directed at a person in ceremonies regarding fertility or chthonic deities are a means to purification by driving out evil while simultaneously waking the deity’s latent power. We see this elsewhere: the women at an Arcadian festival to Dionysus were flogged; at another Arcadian festival, Demetria, in honor of Demeter, celebrants struck one another with whips of bark; the stoning at the Eleusian Mysteries; the sometimes lethal lashing of youths for Artemis Orthia in Sparta; or the mock battles held using branches of wild fig (caprificus) at the Nonae Caprotinae festival for Juno Caprotina.

Dog Sacrifice

Plutarch remarked the practice of dog sacrifice at the Lupercalia was unusual. The Greeks were well known to use a dog as a cathartic sacrifice. Noted examples would be in Sparta, Boetia, and Argos. The practice of dog sacrifice persisted in Greece until it was outlawed about 1980. Plutarch tells us:

Why do the Luperci sacrifice a dog? The Luperci are men who race through the city on the Lupercalia, lightly clad in loin-cloths, striking those whom they meet with a strip of leather.

Is it because this performance constitutes a rite of purification of the city? In fact they call this month February, and indeed this very day, februata; and to strike with a kind of leather thong they call februare, the word meaning "to purify." Nearly all the Greeks used a dog as the sacrificial victim for ceremonies of purification; and some, at least, make use of it even to this day. They bring forth for Hecatê puppies along with the other materials for purification, and rub round about with puppies such persons as are in need of cleansing, and this kind of purification they call periskylakismos ("puppifrication").

Or is it that lupus means "wolf" and the Lupercalia is the Wolf Festival, and that the dog is hostile to the wolf, and for this reason is sacrificed at the Wolf Festival?

Or is it that the dogs bark at the Luperci and annoy them as they race about in the city?

Or is it that the sacrifice is made to Pan, and a dog is something dear to Pan because of his herds of goats?

Besides the obvious function as a protector, the dog was seen as a liminal creature; it existed somewhere between the human and wild world, and was an eater of the dead. They were believed to be able to see fauni, ghosts, and deities invisible to men. 

Their connection to the underworld was most powerfully felt in their connection to Hekate (and not, as one might have supposed, because of Cerberus, who was only occasionally depicted as something resembling a dog, and even that developed late from the peculiar use of “dog” in the sense of “servant”[x]). Hekate was (among other things) a goddess of purification, the underworld, an averter of all manner of evil. Another interesting connection is made by Plutarch: the goddesses Eilioneia and Genetyllis were goddesses of women and considered very similar to Hekate. Like Her, they also received dogs as sacrifice - with the hope of easing childbirth. 

What is particularly interesting about dog sacrifice in Italy is the lack of evidence elsewhere of its practice. The most notable use of dog sacrifice for apotropaic magic was at the festival of Robigalia in order to ward off mildew and disease from crops. In both Lupercalia and Robigalia the dog is sacrificed along side another victim. This may indicate that the practice was added to an existing rite in hopes of increasing magical potency. That dog sacrifice cannot be traced to any particular god indicates that it likely did not originate in Italy, but rather was imported.

Blood, Milk, and Wool

Blood is considered a vital and potent religious material to innumerable cultures. In Rome blood was considered the supreme embodiment of a deity’s mystic potency. Sprinkling blood of a sacrificial victim was the surest of all cleansing media in lustral ceremonies. The blood was applied with the flat of a blade indicating a ritual “wounding” that may have been a metaphor for human sacrifice.

The blood was too holy to remain, however, and must be removed. The Orphics made a practice of ceremonial wiping off but its appearance in the Lupercalia is utterly unique in all other Roman cult practices. 

Given what we have already discussed about the potency of goatskin, it is logical that wool would be considered a potent substance. Ovid lists wool first among all purification materials. Milk was employed to moisten the wool. Milk was a common libation to chthonic deities for both the Greeks and the Romans but its peculiar usage in the Lupercalia is again, unique among Roman cults.

After the removal of the blood the youths break into laughter, symbolizing their restoration to life, or their entrance to new life through purification. This explanation only makes sense if the original victim of the Lupercalia was human.

There has been a suggestion that the peculiarity of this portion of the ceremony was adopted with the wide-spread embrace of Orphism in Rome during the Second Punic War. Livy states (emphasis mine): "Such religious fervor assailed the state, and in large part of foreign origin at that, that it seemed as if either men or gods must have completely changed." If true, this may explain why the blood rite is mentioned by Plutarch but not by Ovid.

Nudity and Running

The connection of Faunus to the Lupercalia is provided by Gaius Acillius. The story goes that Romulus’ herds were stolen so he invoked Faunus and ran forth naked in pursuit of the thieves. This may have been a bit of backward explaining by Acillius as no mention of this tale is found before or since, and is rejected by later writers. Acillius does, however, provide us a justification in myth for the nakedness of the runners.

Referring back to the cult of Soranus, the pre-Sabine ceremony to honor him involved the Hirpi Sorani, while disguised in wolf skins, stealing and eating the entrails of a sacrificial victim, then running away while being pursued. To escape their sacrilege the Hirpi Sorani ran through noxious fumes in the sacred cavern. This rite shows a strong similarity to the Lycaea: the priests, clad in wolf skins, made sacrament of a sacrificial victim, then fled to escape the miasma. In the case of the Lycaea the priests went through an expiatory rite of exile.

The idea here may be that the priests, by eating the sacrificial victim, take the power of the deity unto themselves. Because the sacrifice is identified with the deity it becomes a sin that endangers the general welfare of the congregation. To avert calamity the priests must undergo purification, or in the case of the Lupercalia, deliver purification to the congregation.

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Thus concludes our discussion of the Lupercalia. I hope you have found the information herein satisfactory, or at the very least interesting. Please let me know if you have questions about my research, or would like to make additional points.

Happy Lupercalia. Khaire 🐺💀🖤

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Further Reading

Ermuzevich, D. (2017). b l o o d s t r e a m [Digital photograph]. Retrieved from https://www.instagram.com/p/Ba6IS1pAJPS/

Franklin, A. M. (1921) Lupercalia: rites and mysteries of wolf worship. Retrieved from http://penelope.uchicago.edu/Thayer/E/Roman/Texts/secondary/FRALUP/home.html

Scapini, M. (2015). Whipping in myth, ritual and magic practices: a case of convergence, in Emilio Suárez, Miriam Blanco, Eleni Chronopoulou (eds.) Los papiros mágicos griegos: entre lo sublime y lo cotidiano, Madrid 2015 (Dykinson).