#FOUR DOWN FOUR TO GO FUCK MY LIFE
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why art fight why not art peace. anyway fuck making ref sheets who wants to run into the woods with me
#FOUR DOWN FOUR TO GO FUCK MY LIFE#PLUS i’m gonna have to make stupid fucking portraits#the second i’m done i’m drawing brian and tim kissing with tongue i can’t hashtag take it anymore#crow caws#art fight#auuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
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one last thing I will say on that topic. Americans getting upset about you calling out Zionism. When you're not talking about Judaism or in fact, about religion at all. When you're talking about a national military funded by a country that has been dropping bombs on the middle east since the 1980s. But then I suppose when people who are so so so comfortable with equating a whole religion, or further a whole entire group of multiple ethnicities, with simply 'terrorism', are criticised on any aspect of their wrongdoings of course they must think we're talking about their whole religion. Literally every word is a projection.
#I lost all respect for that person honestly. I used to think they were quite cool. I put up with a lot of blatantly horrendous shit thinking#'surely it's only a defensive thing. Surely they're only talking about the sadness within their community rather than actively supporting#the mass killings of thousands of people. Surely they're a teacher they've got to have that empathy with kids being murdered'#No! The fucking full clownshow. And now I've been feeling like an idiot all day— like why did I go 'let it slide' x 100#why should *they* walk away feeling like they've got some sort of moral superiority here and why should I feel like I've been struck down?#Why am I the idiot that didn't block them four months ago#Anyway sorry to everyone who's had to watch me spam about one (1) negative interaction *all day long* it will subside soon#I'm just stinging from the fucking. Utter blindness.#We've always said someone's comfort doesn't override someone else's right to survival#as a literal genderqueer person they KNEW that. They'd uttered the same fucking sentence#but alas the pinkwashing that makes me so frustrated with Americans sometimes. It magically doesn't apply where racism is concerned ✨😃#The US really is bombs dropped by rainbow-painted aircrafts; that meme should not be this accurate#anyway I'm glad that person is not in my life anymore. I'm glad my dash has one less abomination to repeatedly show up on it#and I have every right to be angry and I will be. I just won't bother you lovely folks with it
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today should be a t break day
bc I'll need it to be more effective in the coming days if we see family, and then I'll have the survey shifts
but since late last night i keep randomly nearly breaking into tears and thinking abt the stupidest shit that needs to stay in the box in my brain
so idk. maybe it will be. it is thus far. but I'm not leaving my room without a container of some edible or another in my pocket either
#text post#no idea where the fuck this came from and it kept me up until fucking four in the fucking morning#but only NEARLY crying my body/brain still won't let me FULLY cry#and i did email my prior doc with a 'can i ask u just abt this one current symptom and if it is abt what i think & ill send u 20 bucks even'#she said no to the twenty bucks but said yeah it does sound like my ptsd has been triggered by multiple things over the last year#and the not being able to cry is a part of it. my body's trying to protect me from feeling anything abt it and breaking down#and part of that means not letting the tears fall so there's no physical acknowledgement of any feelings#which is what i was thinking was going on but it's nice to confirm it with someone who knows their shit#doesn't fix it but at least i know.#the thing is that the triggers are like. good? bc im in a healthier safer environment now with ppl that don't do what my mum & fam do to me#but it means my brain is learning just how much of a lot of it Wasn't Normal and was actually Pretty Harmful and that's.#i want my brain to just accept and get over that already tbh. okay so that's the case it doesn't change anything????#why are we still thinking abt it and having feelings over it at this point bc that feels like a waste of time#there are no apologies I'll get for things that happened from when i was younger and there's no closure it just Is What It Is#I'm tired of even wanting to cry over it when I'd rather be throwing myself into making money & being productive art-wise#it manages to interrupt so many fucking facets of my life like#whatever. anyway considering a music au new draft where ed and izzy meet seth. and immediately offer to kill him for Pickles aksnsjfnfgj
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it’s finally starting to settle in that christmas is in 3 fucking days
#like. it doesnt even feel like winter#maybe i’m js getting older but last i checked i was counting down the hours and it was getting hard to sleep at night#it was a “its finally cold out! my favorite time of year! we’re off on break! christmas is almost here!”#n now its a “oh right christmas. free stuff”#my parents apparently have something big planned for my 18th this year and i can’t bring myself to even look forward to it?#like. yeah. my fucking eighteenth birthday is in like a week#and the start of a new year is less of a celebration and more of a sigh of relief#its more of a “yippee. another year. at least it’s a fresh start.”#i think this is the 2020 effect#2020 was 4 years ago guys. that is absolutely insane#its not even nostalgia it’s just “wow. okay.”#its like getting punched in the gut yk#2020 was the last year the holidays felt right.#now my whole life feels like a blur and i cannot believe it was four whole years ago#and now we’re entering 2024 with nothing but see you again by tyler the creator and a few loose hopes#the election is this year#maybe things will fix themselves and go back to normal#thats all ive ever wanted since 2020 ended. was for things to just be normal#after the masking mandates were lifted i felt like maybe they could#but im just kinda being rushed through life#and i wish it would just be normal.
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im so fucking mad at myself at my mother at her dead husband at god fucking knows what. "concentrate on yourself" well i cant can i. now more than anything i should and i cant. losing my fucking mind istg
#i wasted the whole fucking weekend because i *had to* come visit her and once i visited i *had to* hang out with my fucking grandfather#watching him cry about grandma and bitch about modern times and the waiter not doing his job because the café was full to bursting#and it took longer than usual to get our coffees so ofc he had to loudly insult him in third person. oh and then he had to bitch about#gay people and women who dont want children too because of he did. and i sat there and listened to it because i HAD TO#wasted four fucking hours. and then i HAD TO go to the theatre with my mom because she got us tickets because she wanted this#to be a nice day for me but i dont have fucking time to have nice days rn but in order for HER to have a nice day i need to at least pretend#i am having one. so i wasted another almost two hours on that play#which was some modern uselessly loud to the point of being physically painful bullshit bad enough that we left mid-show#and then i had to go meet with her friends so lost another two hours and by the time i got home to write that bullshit thesis it was 11pm#and i barely got anything done till 1 am because i went through another stupid little mental breakdown and then it was almost 6 am#and i had to stop because i had a train at 8 and i already only slept like 3 hours that day#and then i got home yesterday totally fucking exhausted and i started reading stuff for the thesis but i was falling asleep so i laid down#'for 10 minutes' and i woke up today at 6. not having written a word lol#and now i could just say fuck it and defend it in september and it would make my life so much easier. but my voice teacher wants me#to get accepted for the masters degree even if im already planning to get the deans leave for the first semester so like. god.#i cant do this lol#i know i should have started earlier but i was kinda busy losing my fucking mind and lying in bed staring at the ceiling for hours#and contemplating dropping out completely lol god i hate my life so much it's unreal
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Song of the Day: May 29
“Evil Like Me” by Kristin Chenoweth & Dove Cameron for Disney's Descendants OS
#song of the day#time is fake! sometimes I'm awake and it's logical to assume that sometimes I'm asleep! and the days must pass but do I ever know?? nope#fuck I spent all day thinking today was the last day of the month and then it turns out it's not even Thursday#sang 'Evil Like Me' with Duncan at the dinner table while I ate the cabbage and I made this cabbage after the work not-a-bbq so#almost definitely that was today!#I fell asleep standing up in the shower again but the drain has been draining very slowly so when I woke up there was water above my ankles#if I flood our house with the water from my shower while I am actively standing in it and I don't notice because it's the only time I sleep#I'm going to shrink myself down and move in with the mice colonizing our neighbor's boat trailer#the mice will never know my shame. Duncan will put cheese sandwiches out in the alley for us and it will be more than I deserve#this is a really good song. very fun lyrical nonsense and also very fun musically to sing. love the idea of Kristin Chenoweth Maleficent#'I have tried my whole life long / to do the worst I can / clawed my way to victory / built my master plan#now the time has come my dear / for you to take your place / promise me you'll try to be / an absolute disgrace'#Nick really doesn't like this song for some unspecified reason--we've asked but he just gets kind of mad? like it should be obvious?#I think maybe he thinks they're making fun of people who sing about like. doing crimes? being bad???????????????#like honestly what could be more punk she's literally Maleficent but go off I guess#I dunno but if I were going to be mad about a Descendants song that I occasionally roam the house over-selling#it wouldn't be a Broadway-star-supported certified banger like 'Evil Like Me'#it'd be goofyass 'Rotten to the Core' where I'm playing four parts simultaneously and pitching my voice up and down like a rollercoaster#love that fucking song it's so dumb and it's so much fun and I get to stomp on the chorus bits
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Ugh I was excited for today until I found out I'd have to spend it with people that actively make me hate being alive hate the future and drain me off all energy physically mentally spiritually like a vampire I can't stand to be around her she is the definition of stupidity and even then that's generous as fuck this bitch has filled her brain with so much garbage I watch her brain cells die at alarming rates every single time she uses her vocal cords her giggles make me want to jam a sewing needle into my ear repeatedly so I can never have to hear it again its a friendly reminder that my parents decisions this time my dad's constantly makes me want to die
#i cant even shes just so dangerously stupid#she thinks energy drinks with natural caffeine are safe to give people who have been told by doctor doing take caffeine with thia meds#ahe thinks of a child is CHOCKING to lie them face down n rub their back#she has the evangelical woman voice worse then women I've met n that cult ahe giggles constantly and behaves like the stereotype lil german#boy just got a lollipop over.... everyone and everything whe acts likw an 11 year old I just got the first boyfriend and all they could talk#is how perfect their boyfriend is and they're so pretty good for that I pulled a boyfriend is and it's like a God thing that they met how#SOOOOOOOOOO in love while constantly nonstop touching ahe has to be touching him her hand on his thigh her atm linked with his her heaf on#his chest she has to be in her lap they make out all over the place IT'S DISGUSTING AND EMBARRASSING STOP SWAPPING SPIT#she started a i. hwr words 'love diary of their love journey' they hadn't been dateing 2 months her kids are spoiled fake Instagram bitches#with such shitty views on politics SHE'S A TRUMP FAN GIRL SHENLOVES TRUMP MY DAD BROUGHT IN A TRUMPIE#there's so much i cant even say because even admitting it on tumblr is too embarrassing i wanted.to.likw her i liked her the first day but#THE MORE I GET TO KNOW GET THE MORE N MORE N MISS RED FKAGS#she threw away all my siblings clothes school books toys uniforms for sports their in toys i bought them that week make up jewelry#in the disguise of helping clean house#while i was at the hospital the kids call me in tears i call her beg her to wait and nope.ahe didn't i found the bags by the curb i brought#my dad sided with hwr because 'she didn't mean any harm she didn't know sje was throwing them away'#my mom hasn't bsen dead a year he started dating right after ahe died#hes talking about marrying this woman this woman who has never had an honest educated thought once in her life#WHO ASLO SPEMDA MONEY LIKE A DRUNKEN SAILOR AHE CAME FROM A WITCH FAMILY HER LAST TWO HUSBANDA WERE TOUCH SHE HAS NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE COMMON#SHE SPENDS LIKE SHE STILL HAS MONEY WHEN SHE DOSE NOT AND IT'S LIKE YOU DID NOT JUST SPEND OVER 180 DOLLARS N PASTRIES GOD#SHES SO FUCKIN STUPID AND EVERY HOLIDAY SINCE MY MOM DIED WVERY FAMILY GWT TOGETHER BECAUSE WE DON'T TALK OR.DO ANYTHING WITH MOM'S SIDE#OF THE FAMILY ANYMORE SHE'S THERE EVERY WINGLE MOTHER FUCKIN WEEKEND SHES HERE I'M EXHAUSTED SHES PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY DRAINING TO BE ARO#OUND SHES LIKE IF SOMEONE TOOK A GOLDEN RETRIEVER ON A DIET OF JUST FUCKIN COCAINE LITTLE GERMAN BOY WITH LOLLY AND CRUELLA DEVILLE AND FUSE#THEN TOOK A STRAW AND DRANK ALL THE SMARTS OUT OF THAT BEING#UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGH MY DADS GOIN TO NARRY RHIA BITCH SHES GOIN TO TRY TO BE A MOTHER TO ME AND MY SIBLINGS AND THEY'RE GOIN TO#be so fucked up because her kids are not ok SHE FUCKED THEM OVER BAD SHE HAS FOUR KIDS ALL ADULTS THEY'RE JUST WOW#I HATE MY LIFE I HATE WHAY FUTURE MY FAMILY IS GOIN TO BE THE GOOD THINGS IS I WON'T HAVE TO STAY I CAN GO N MAKE A NEW ONE WITH MY WIFE#FOR ME BUT MY SIBLINGS ARE FUCKED AND ANYTIME I WANT TO VISIT MY FAMILY YANDERE GOLDEN RETRIEVER BITCH WILL BE THERE WORMING HWR WAY IN#SHES CONSTANTLY CALLING N TEXTING MY DAD NONSTOP OF SHE'S NOT NEXT TO HIM AND IF HE CAN'T RESPOND INSTANT SHE FREAKS OUT N BUGS ME
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yesterday sucked so bad it was the longest day ever I cried at work and I slept like a rock bc I was so exhausted and then today I woke up and it was literally like. the sun is shining the birds are chirping it feels like fall I made birthday plans with my best friend for march that I'm so excited for the thing that was stressing me out so bad yesterday at work is fixed and over with and everybody is telling me I did well with it even though it felt like I did not in the moment AND I my adoption application was accepted at one of the shelters I applied to so I got invited to their adoption event to meet their dogs tomorrow AND I'm seeing hozier in a week and two days and that does not feel real but also it actually hit for properly for the first time today :) how the tables have turned oh and ALSO I'm watching a horror movie with emma tonight and last night I think it would have killed me bc I was so tired and empty by the time I got home but today I am Hyped for it
#i'm good at my job and usually the stuff I'm doing doesn't get to me but yesterday TWO solutions to the problem I've been dealing w all week#didn't end up being solutions at all bc first year college students suck so bad. and by the time the second one didn't go through#we'd told the student affected that it HAD so we had to walk it back#and i'm on call 24/7 this week so I was so so tired yesterday#and i just wanted to make fix this poor girl's problem and to have to tell her I'd been wrong when I told her it had been fixed....idk#it got to me and i cried which at least finally convinced my supervisor that what id been saying from the beginning was the correct move#and then i fell asleep pretty early and overslept on purpose bc fuck being in the office I needed to recover#and then i helped move a minifridge with a microwave attached to the top up and down four flights of stairs#bc this campus is possibly the least ada compliant space I have Ever been in in my life#and there are NO elevators in any residential buildings except the one that used to be a hotel down the street#anyway. life update ig <3 things are genuinely so so good rn yesterday was Simply a bad day. happens sometimes. glad it's over :)#real life stuff#i should have a tag for that so I can go through once in a while and see what was up when :)
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witch hat atelier is hurting my feelings
#just finished vol 7????? LITERALLY illegal??????????#i dont even wanna go into detail bc it's such a massive spoiler but JUST KNOW that last chapter gave me a thousand yard stare instantly#U CANT HIT ME W THE DOUBLE BAIT & SWITCH THE TWO TIMIN HIGH FIVIN ASS BLASTIN SQUARE DANCIN SWITCHEROO#UNETHICAL. LITERALLY FUCKED UP. WELCOME TO SHIRAHAMA'S TWISTED MIND#retag later#manga blogging#i thought it was about the whimsy. i thought we were having fun#THE PART IM TALKING ABT ISNT EVEN THAT BAD IT JUST GOT ME SO GOOD I WASNT READY#no u know what it IS that bad actually qifrey owes me 5000 dollars right now#ALSO can i stop being so EXCRUCIATINGLY PREDICTABLE KGJLAKGSLKDJK#four wonderful well-rounded female main characters and all i care about is the stinky MAN#sobbing at myself in the shower GIRL HES LINESSSSS#nobody should be allowed to draw a man hot anymore. well if it's olruggio it's fine actually. U KNOW WHO I MEAN#this IS targeted#putting up the anti gojo barrier from jjk but for qifrey#(btw that was a lie i would probably lay down my life for aggot#like if she was crossing the street i would get hit by a random car for her. like on principle)
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I wish I had friends near meeeeeee to distract me from my brainnnnnnnnnn
#need to talk to anyone irl who isn’t related to me or dating my mom or my therapist#anyone else near me please I’m losing my mind#nature isn’t healing me sleeping in a fully dark room all day isn’t healing me how do I magically fix this without having to put any work#into it oh I can’t oh u have to do the work okay how do I do that. therapy once a week. oh. okay. yup.#can I speedrun it? oh no? I can’t. oh damn. okay fine whatever. therapy once a week. AND I HAVE TO ACTUALLY LISTEN AND DO WHAT SHE SAYS. bro#what the hell okay fine#well here I am !!!!! where is the fixing where is the feeling better I feel like all I do is stir up all these touch emotions from every#part of my life at once and then she sends me off to rot for week before I come back and talk again#I just feel like I’m losing it!!!!! and ik it’s extra bad bc birthday countdown is on in my brain and im stressed and i feel like a huge#fuck up that can never be fixed and like I will die having done nothing with my life except weigh other people down and so exhausting and my#brain won’t ever shut up like yes I get it years and years and years of built up shit that I never properly dealt with and still hold blame#for constantly and I feel like I will never be fixed like I CANT be fixed like this is a losing battle and I just am struggling today man#idk what I was saying I just took my morning weed hit to try and relax my back a little and now my brain is like scrambled eggs#which is good that means it’s working#I’m gonna try to take a nap maybe cause I only slept four hours and it was like choppy thru the night and then maybe I’ll go to the lake#later I’ve been feeling the need to be in a body of water recently
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Hello! List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox of the last ten people that reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals and followers :D /nf
not dying
not fainting
not being completely incapacitated while conscious
not not even being able to recognize the person walking me to the nurse
not having the nurse think that you faked ACTUALLY PASSING OUT and nearly puking despite apparently being completely pale and shaking just because if you didn’t get better by the end of school she’d have to stay after with you and god forbid she actually care about the kids she is supposed to protect
#I fainted today#It was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced#I’ve been hurt and sick in just about every way possible#But this was DIFFERENT.#I could barely find my way to the nurse in the building I’ve been going to every day for most of my life without somebody else’s hand on my#Back leading me there#And my vision went all sparkling#I saw myself in a bathroom mirror and it looked like I was a photograph being burned from behind#their voices were like I was hearing through cotton balls shoved in my ears#The reason I refused to go home on the bus is because my walk home from my stop is almost a mile long#And I broke down crying in the nurse because I didn’t wanna die I didn’t wanna go home on the bus and pass out on the walk home and not hav#Anyone there to help#And honestly it was fucking traumatic#Because I’ve GOTTEN hurt before.#I fell off a fucking icy waterfall and scraped off half the skin on the right side of my leg just last week!#I’ve fallen from several stories high before#But the thing that was different about this is that the person supposed to be helping me didn’t fucking care#And was actively trying to harm me.#I got home and passed out#I just woke up from sleeping for four hours#And I’m still nauseous and trying to hold down the three chips I ate for lunch#This shit was SO scary.#Sorry I used this as a vent#But I needed to talk about this because I know my dad won’t believe me even though he’s gonna ask#Oh yeah my mum came and picked me up btw I didn’t have to walk home in the end and Mrs asshole had to stay after for fifteen minutes
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#what i'm really trying to figure out is whether or not i want to move to another state#tl;dr explanation maybe to come later but i may have the ability to buy a house sometime in the next 12 months#and idk like maybe i don't want that to be here#but i also know i'm susceptible to the whole 'this arbitrary life change will fundamentally transform my capacity as a human being' illusion#and i also don't necessarily have a Place i particularly Want To Go#so i'm starting my figuring-out process over here with 'can i establish a Friend Group in slc or is it just too small to make that work'#the last time i felt like i really had that was back at school#and like at least four of the people i was pretty close to i only met b/c one time i said HEY I THINK YOU GUYS ARE REALLY COOL IDK BYE#and then ran the fuck away#and somehow that worked so idk anything is possible#(AVI YOU WERE THERE; IS THAT NOT EXACTLY HOW THIS WENT DOWN)
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#spent all day helping my best friend move into her new flat#and it was really lovely to be able to be there for her and help her unpack and set everything up#bc her bf (one of my other flatmates) is going travelling for a couple of years in march so obvs he's moving out and they're breaking up#which is why SHE had to move out bc she couldn't afford the rent on a double room by herself#and she's only just moved down the hill like literally a five minute walk which is obviously amazing#she's not ages away yk#and she's moved in with our mutual friend which is nice too#but on a selfish note now i'm left behind in a flat with four 20 year old couples#and i'm now the outside friend like i'm the one who has to go home yk rather than being the one in the home#and i'm just dreading being alone so much of the time like cooking dinner alone and coming home from work and being alone etc#and i'm worried as well that in the new flat they'll get really close and i'll be like forgotten about and left behind#and i know this is all catastrophising and mind reading and all those therapy phrases#but it just sucks. it really sucks#i had to walk home in the rain just now up the hill at half 12 at night#and i cried the whole way because it just all sucks so bad#i knoooooow obviously there's worse problems in the world there's people that are dying kim etc etc#but i'm just very sad about it right now. very very sad about it#so it's 1am and i'm going to sleep and i will wake up at 4am for the match and arsenal better fucking pull through for me#goodnight love u all sleep well appreciate the people in ur life x#also i mean two 20 year old couples lol i don't have eight flatmates
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in a weird headspace
#just coming off my period so no surprise there but like#idk i feel very very isolated and hopeless and am dissociating a lot about reality/society#the downfall of twitter has fucked me up#i don’t know what i’m doing#i’m ill and receiving no support and it feels impossible to do anything more with my life than just surviving#there’s also a lot of r*** related content online and in media rn and it’s been a lot on my brain#i don’t have any hyperfixations rn so i’m just sitting here numb and waiting for something interesting to happen#living in poverty is so harmful to my physically disabled and AUDHD self#i want to go outside and laugh with friends in the sunshine#i want to be held and in love and support someone#i want to travel to japan and eat amazing food and shop#i want connection and meaning#but it all feels so impossible#/#i was so convinced that i had absolutely blown that interview#and then i find out that it actually didn’t go as bad as i thought#i haven’t been outside and socialised in so long i think that’s why my brain shut down during the interview#i’m not really fit for work but i need and want to#i’ll find out in a couple days what the next four months of my life will look like#guess we’ll see
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god it really is so insane that grian has always kind of pushed away his teammates and preferred to do stuff on his own and then as soon as hes actually on his own he gets upset about it. that is so fucking him im gonna be sick
#obviously this isnt the real reason but its like. man after four seasons of causing misfortune and death for whoever's foolish enough to#team with him. maybe everyone's learned to stay clear of him#just a thought#also just. the hypocrisy and emotional unintelligence of it all. oh grian my favorite little emotionally stunted freak#looks like you might've pushed away everyone for good this time. isnt that what you wanted?#being alone isnt as fun as you thought it'd be huh?#also talking about the LL!Scar parallels. it is a little vindicating to see grian go thru a very similar thing after having been one of#the main people antagonizing scar when he was already down during last life#though grian's lucky that he hasnt experienced that cruelty as much. at least for now. hes just alone and joel was a little salty to him#scar was alone and everyone was so consistently awful for him. im so serious i truly believe scar's experience in LL was the worst#anyone's ever had it in this series. i havent watched everyone's povs so i cant say that for sure but like holy fuck dude.#ANYWAYS. just some of my thoughts smile#serena.txt
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smth about 10 being 904 yrs old in day of the doctor then 906 in the end of time fucks me up
#s2-s4 were like. fours years to him :( maybe three#and he spends at least two years running about on his own slowly withering away#those two years which are most likely post waters of mars… what if i died#and him STILL feeling horrible about how he acted in the end of time to a point where he starts breaking down in front of wilf . wtf :((#hes just. he’s my little sad guy :(#why’d he spend a third of his 6 yr existence alone huh 😭#i am quite literally going to be an emotional mess when the 60th specials drop like 😭#HIM AND DONNA . back together . besties again . lord#and theyre gonna no doubt address how fucking miserable 10 was at the end of his life .#and there’s no doubt going to be a message about self acceptance and moving on .#14 is a version of 10 who has endured what he once was terrified of and lived to tell the tale . he’s a 10 who knows it was all okay in the#end#and THAT is gonna fuck me up . meow meow finally has a high chance of getting his happy end… 13 years later gotdamn#literally whatever they do ill be happy to see DT and CT acting together again im so fucking pumped#and we’re immediately getting the already banger duo of 15 and ruby right afterwards…. we’re being fucking spoiled#im so so so excited i love doctor who!! i love celebrating the future while honouring the past!!#jay rambles
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I rant /gush about things I love