#FUCK KAISER ALL MY HOMIES HATE KAISER

[antiv3nom]

you know what it is. blue lock for the fandom ask game! :)

YESSSS AMAZING <3

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most)

we know its bachira. we know this. of course it is. i love him so very much your honor

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped)

NANASE MY BOY <3 <3 <3 hes just!!! a little guy!!! i think hes so very neat!!!

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave)

i think there needs to be more love for hiori!!! my favorite gamer!!!!!! hes just...hes so neat and i love his hair and i wish we got more of him :(

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week)

tbh i think niko fits? hes not particularly obscure but like. we really dont see him much, especially when u consider the Amount That I Love This Boy Hes So Good I Adore Him He Could Be In The Background Of A Single Panel And I Would Yell For Days

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave)

oh lord this is tough bc theres not like. not any particular character who's really a completely "problematic" fave in this case bc Theyre All Assholes to an extent, yk? i suppose shidou and/or sae might count, but i enjoy them in different ways? i support shidou's violence and simply Look Away from sae's shittiness

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason)

im putting gagamaru in the horse plinko <3 NOT BECAUSE I DONT LOVE HIM! i just. i want to study him. like a bug. wanna see him in the plinko. watch his reactions.

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell)

kaiser.

[maochira]

This is super random but Kaiser and Ness being from Germany means they've had a Deutsche Bahn experience (negative) at least once in their life?? IMAGINE AN ANGRY KAISER BECAUSE HIS TRAIN WAS DELAYED BY TWO HOURS AND NESS PANICKING BECAUSE THEY AREN'T GOING TO CATCH THEIR NEXT TRAIN

[ramu-ego]

Helloo it's Ness anon💜 seeeing Ness in the new chapter leaks made me sad (fuck Kaiser, all my homies hate kaiser 🤬) so can you do Ness with feminization and hand kink?

chapter 202?? (or something dropped about 203??) god I skimmed it but I haven't like looked at it in depth except Kenyu my baby you best boy (it's true all the homies do hate Kaiser)

event ~ ♡ (closed) cw: fem!Reader, dom!Reader, crossdressing, m!masturbation, guided masturbation, degradation, feminization, referring to Ness's dick as a clit, unedited word count: drabble character(s): Alexis Ness

DNI :: minors, blank blogs + m!Reader blogs

"You love rubbing your clit for me don't you baby girl?"

Chewing the inside of his cheek there was nothing Ness could do but nod slowly as his hand worked up the length of his shaft to his swollen gland. One hand squelching the jelly like lube around his throbbing cock as he did so. While the other held up his beautifully pleated skirt so you could see it all out on display. Of course looking down at himself, with his mop of thick hair crowding his face to hide his desperate fucked out looked as he continued to stroke himself in front of you on his knees.

"Excuse me?" You reached out and grabbed the wrist connected to the hand squeezing up his own cock, "Does baby girl not know how to answer anymore? Should I show you how to rub your own little clit huh?"

"S-Sorry-" Ness managed when you stopped him from edging himself further, "Sorry- Yes- Yes I-"

"Yes you...?"

"Yes I love rubbing my clit for you ma'am." Ness babbled with his head following suit. Nodding like a cute little bobble head was all he could do as a grin spread on your face at his obedience, "Please. Please show me how to rub my clit ma'am. It hurts when it throbs...."

Loosening the grip on his wrist to a kinder one. Didn't alleviate the control you held over his body. Without concern for how he'd been stroking himself before hand. You took it at a speed you found more fitting for someone as desperate. Guiding his own closed hand up and down his shaft with the squelch of lube filling the room. Ness flush with color in his pretty little features as you did so. Vividly feeling the throb of his own cock when you moved his slimy hand to the tip of his cock and demanded he squeeze it a bit. Past his lips fell a pitiful moan that only confirmed your suspicions when a foggy bead of precum began to ooze out of his puffy slit.

"You know..." Mumbling as you ushered his closed fist up and down his length as more and more cloudy precum leaked from his slit. Each time his own hand swiped over his sensitive gland his balls would tighten up and his breathing would hitch in his chest. Only for you to draw his touch back down by your own guidance and restart the process all over again, "Some girls squirt...you gonna squirt your juices all over your pretty pretty skirt for me?" Your touch ushered his hand back up to his tip. When Ness held his breath waiting for you to guide him back down, his eyes grew wide realizing you weren't moving his hand away from his tip. A ticking time bomb as you encouraged him to keep squeezing his cock head while you stared at him with a grin, "Squirt all your pretty girl juices for me. I know you can do it. Make a mess like a naughty girl and- Oh! Oh there we are!"

There was no stopping it. Ness's legs trembling and the breath he'd been stealing away choked him as he gasped. Body trembling while you forced him to hold his own cock. The first thick rope of cum landing on your thighs. Follow by a dribble of a pathetic load while beads of thick gooey cum ran down his lube covered cock. Not mixing as you refused to let him stroke himself. Ness had to give into the mercy of his tightening body to let his orgasm finally play out to it's last little bit of drooling cum to roll down his shaft. Utterly exhausting him as he sat back on his knees limply with a sigh. Head hung low. He didn't even have it in him to look up and see what you were doing. All he knew was after all that his poor cock was still throbbing for more.

[catboymoments]

It makes me very happy that I’ve created a character that literally everyone hates that’s also an interesting little guy. Fuck Alois Kaiser all my homies HATE Alois Kaiser

[welcome-to-the-shit-library]

GET HIS ASS ISAGI. fuck kaiser all my homies hate kaiser

[oldfritz]

this was surprisingly hard because half of them I wanted to throw in f, but then felt guilty about it so here’s where we are. explanations under the cut to be nice (fair warning: I’m writing this while tipsy so this is a journey)

S-tier

Old Fritz: look me in the eyes. look at me. are you looking? good. where else was I was going to put him? where? in C with the other losers? foolish. I am ruining my life for this man, I’m going to go into debt so I can be moderately qualified to write books on him so Tim Blanning and Christopher Clark don’t boo my off the stage. I sit here sometimes and I’m like ‘y’know, I would start a podcast to talk about his life’ as if I’m some straight white guy who thinks any of you want to listen to me for an hour. he’s a bastard, a smug bastard, and is the epitome of self-destructive tendencies. and, honestly, I wouldn’t mind if he wasn’t so fucking misogynistic all the time. ‘oh women aren’t fit to rule’ shut up Fritz before I time travel to fuck your wife and make her have one night where life feels worthwhile. but he’s funny, I enjoy how he does foreign policy, and he’s unfortunately relatable to me. cheers, Fritz. here’s to never being satisfied from one gay disaster with anger issues to another. may we burn in hell together

A-tier

Friedrich iii: “Suzanne, he was only on the throne for 99 days!! how can he be this high up when some of these bastards refused to die?” I hear you, my friends, and I have answers. I’ll tell you two words you’ll be shocked to hear put together: liberal Hohenzollern. a rare breed, isn’t it? imagine, friends, a world where he got over his throat cancer because he listened to a doctor and we get through the 1910s, 20s, even the 30s without Wilhelm II Electric Boogaloo being in power. Prussia is still on the map, the Anglo-Prussian alliance is strong, and I live in peace. but no. this stupid man had to keep smoking. because he’s selfish and doesn’t care about my needs. you know, he actually loved his wife. rare in this family. loved her and wasn’t abusive. the bar is so low, guys. and his wife is amazing too, Victoria. the world would’ve been in competent hands if they’d been in power longer (and Bismarck would’ve been out of a job still but at least these guys are smart. their son inherited grandma Vicki’s IQ). I would sleep with both of them and would thank them for the honor (when it should always be the other way around, remember that)

B-tier

Friedrich I: if your name is Friedrich and only Friedrich, we’re buds. that’s my rule. I have to give him credit where credit’s due. he was the first. while I agree with Fritz in his proscription that he was ‘small in big ways and big in small ways’ (I may have flipped that around), he wasn’t a bad guy. he just was born into the wrong job for him. I appreciate that he rode on his father’s coattails of proving useful to the Habsburgs and did a little himself to get that sweet, sweet kingship. smart move. I also like that he saw Louis XIV and said to himself “I stan, I kin, on God we’re gonna do that’ and tried. only for have his stupid, ungrateful, unclassy son to do away with that. I, too, am a woman of luxury and self-indulgance and if I had all the riches of Brandenburg and Prussia at the time (not much), I would spend them ridiculously on outfits and music and art. now, what did he do as king? what policy legacy did he leave behind? that’s a good one :)

C-tier

Friedrich Wilhelm III: now as a king he sucks. and I stand by this because, you know, he lost to him *imagine me pretending to be short and saying ‘oui, oui’ in a bad french accent*. and as any proper Englishwoman I can’t support a monarch who goes around losing to the French unless their name is Mary I. but, he’s a pathetic little man. he really is. so indecisive, so unsure of himself. what are you doing little guy? you think because your last name is Hohenzollern, God thinks you’re a good king? well it is like 1805 and, while divine right isn’t really being used as much, it’s as good as any reason on why you’re the chosen one and my family is eating dirt in Sicily and on the Scottish border. he’s really just a dude, nothing extraordinary about him except that his wife was the only one with brains and was the first to establish that (sorry Wilhelm I). he cried when he found out that his children didn’t call him ‘papa’ and went into a deep depressive state when his wife suddenly died. he’s an average man, of average abilities, but of big heart. and the big heart is what bumps him up, for me, from his old place as an F to a C. though, his moralizing is tedious

Friedrich Wilhelm II: this man should have partied with Mick Jagger and Keith Richards. everyone’s got that one ruler whose all about sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll. for the US it’s JFK, for the UK it’s Margaret Thatcher Charles II, France has Louis XIV. Prussia has this guy and we should thank him. so many mistresses, so much sex, so much revelry and debauchery and sin! this guy’s personal life is like a treasure trove of political and sexual intrigue. if you’re into that - as I am as a town gossip - you’ll love him. I am constantly amazed by the fact that some STD didn’t kill him. syphilis, herpes, crabs. something, man, anything. but he didn’t. he’s a shit king though. absolutely horrible. all he did was whine that he didn’t get taught anything by Uncle Fritz and, yes, that’s not good if it’s true (but it’s not completely because the treatises are detailed but I guess he didn’t have time to read) but c’mon. actually apply yourself and learn on the job. I know that would’ve required him to not be balls deep somewhere, but unfortunately he’s not Dorian Gray. there’s work that needed to be done and he didn’t do it. boo!!

D-tier

Wilhelm I: apparently he was a good guy, unlike the other 3 who populate the lowest rungs of Prussian kinghood. so I give him that and I can respect that. but what did he do? what were his own ideas? I thought about putting Bismarck as king instead because, really, he was. Bismarck was a minister who ran around the king’s back to set things up exactly as he liked and it fucking worked because he was the brains. his wife was intelligent too, but theirs wasn’t a wamr and loving marriage. and Bismarck worked to get Wilhelm to distrust her because she was liberal and the fact that Wilhelm would listen to Otto even if it meant allowing himself to be drowned in the Rhine is pathetic. fun party at Versailles though. hope it was worth the war reparations

F-tier (bastard time) I’m going in a different order because I want to go from the ones I hate least to most xoxo

Friedrich Wilhelm IV: “I won’t accept a crown from the gutter” then you won’t accept a crown at all, stupid idiot! god, the smugness. the authoritarian impulses. I know it was the cool thing in 1848 to put down any revolts/protests with as much force as possible, but man, at least the Habsburgs were transparent. homie was like “yeah guys lol I’ll make a constitution and it’ll be epic! you’ll have so many rights! xoxo gossip girl” and then...nope. and AND he wanted the Habsburgs in charge of things too! Mr. ‘I’m Nostalgic For When HRE Was Great And We Blew Austrian Dick!’ grow up man. it’s Prussia time buddy, Austria is beginning to fall apart. don’t look to the past, look to the future, but you didn’t have that vision did you?

Wilhelm II: *banging pots and pans* I blame this man for everything! now, intellectually, does Germany take all the blame for WWI? no, that’s foolish and propaganda of the Allies only. if you’re a European power in 1914, you get to share the blame (ex: why did UK need to make this a naval arms race? Austria should’ve declared war on Serbia sooner if that’s what it wished to do. Russia, please stay out of the Balkans then and forever). but does my irrational hatred of Wilhelm blind me to this truth when I see his stupid face and that ugly fucking mustache that I wish to yank off? my god, yes. I see him and Rule Britannia and The Yanks Are Coming start playing so loud in my head and I’m like ‘yeah, the kaiser’s gonna pay.’ I’m sorry that Bismarck’s ego was bigger than yours but did you have to prove him right by getting incompetent buffoons who were playing checkers when he set the board up for chess to replace him? Did you have to prove Freud right by displacing private problems onto public life with your little tit-for-tat with George IV (VI?) because his mummy loved you more? Why did you need to fuck every naval vessel you saw like an inferior of Peter the Great who believed he was Sir Francis Drake? but that’s just the first war and he lived to see things setting up for the second. wasn’t in convenient for you to be close with the N@zis when you thought they might want a king back on the throne and you could reclaim your little tyrant. like every goddamn Prussian conservative or Junker, you thought you could play the tyrannical cockroach. sure, you figured out earlier that he was no pal, but you still collaborated and you still allowed yourself to get played like the weak man of conscience you are. cheers!

Friedrich Wilhelm I: ladies and gentleman, the moment you’ve all been waiting for! the biggest bastard straight outta Berlin, FW1! and who doesn’t love an abusive father? who doesn’t love a man, so insecure and pathetic, that he needs to terrorize children to be able to look at himself and have a little pride. I understand that it was because he wanted his kids, specifically Fritz, to be best. but being best and perfect meant being miniature versions of him and aren’t we supposed to want our children to be better than a carbon-copy of a small man? honestly, I could live with the occasional smack for this time period. it’s within the norm and, while horrible, isn’t irreparably damaging. this guy really had to beat the shit out of Fritz and Wilhelmina and I’m sure Augustus and Henry and Amalia and all the others (so many kids) didn’t get spared either because if you hit one, you’ll hit ‘em all. and I judge them for their flaws all the same but, for some of them, it gets hard to. because what fighting chance did they have when their father was telling them how worthless they were and beating them senseless and threatening death and life imprisonment on some? I’m constantly impressed by Henry and Fritz and Wilhelmina for amounting to any semblance of maturity, even though it’s always fleeting, because this man didn’t give them the tools to be functioning adults. but each of them managed to be greater than their father, as did Amalia managing a really cool coup in Sweden. and what did FW1 get? he built up his army, had a tall guy fetish, increased the treasury, and made the cabinet and executive offices more efficient. there used to be this one guy on here that would argue that that was all a good king made and that this lowlife didn’t deserve the contempt he got by some on here (an obvious vague of me) for his behavior as a father. and maybe I’m a crackpot, but I believe the quality of a man outshines all those other achievements and that that’s meaningless to me, in my personal life. and when I get to hell, before I go to any of these other men, I’ll go to him and ask him how hell’s fires feel because, if his God was real, it would never love him. and that’s beautiful

[robwholefoods]

So my healthcare at this hospital I go to. Say.. Kaiser/temporarye.....

Transphobia out the ass. I changed my name 4 or 5 times now or had it requested. Changed it myself on their shitty .org app and STILL their doctors keep calling me by the dead name I asked them not to. Not even for verification! They generally keep misgendering me. Specifically my GP, which is even more concerning. He shows little concern or empathy for my symptoms which brings me to

He never fucking listens. He always goes to acne and anxiety because I look like a young 20 year old woman. Which seriously sucks when you think you might be suffering from underlying causes!!!!!! Idk what's wrong but something is wrong and my pediatrician was much different in her treatment methods and they WORKED

also their pharmacy is filled with blockheads. Not all. But man the supervisor at my local location keeps saying he trusts his staff when in reality they have fucked up my prescription orders 3 TIMES IN A ROW NOW.

One time I actually had a VERY VERY VERY bad reaction to it. Well two. But this one time I was DYING because dumb bitch gave me a prescription that my psychiatrist crossed off my list. Accidents happen sure but this was NEGLIGENCE and could have been a FATAL slip up...

I get they don't wanna write ppl up and risk firing someone during corona and all but if they're fucking up THIS BAD why are you choosing to act cowardly? Unhelpful? Rude? I can BET he wouldn't use that tone with a white lady or something

He didn't use that tone around my mom lololol btw I look Mexican and I brought her up JUST to see how different he would treat me in front of her, a non Mexican looking model minority that probably shared his ethnicity

Also that one supervisor rang me up and literally forgot one of my two items and I was like ???????? Are you serious???? Do I really have to catch you again?????????? I mentioned it and he got so flustered. As he should. He spent 30 minutes blaming me so I had to interrupt him and demand he focus his attention of refilling my damn prescription. He looked like a fucking CHILD with how angry he was that I didn't want my time wasted any longer. Idk why he was angry? Some people are just like that and shouldn't be working if it's too stressful and they end up acting like a complete fucking ass.

They also charge $5 for Band-Aids after you get an IV at the emergency room and stick one on you!!!!? 5????? That's a whole box bitch they don't even sparkle

They also keep insisting hormones despite me NOT WANTING TO TRANSITION and also THAT ISNT A GOOD IDEA WHEN IM ALREADY STRUGGLING WITH HORMONES WTFFFFFFFF

they also have rude as fuck classist staff

Most of their employees are either poc pressured by their parents to get into the medical field or in it for the big bucks bc their families could afford their schooling

Sometimes both.

Hannah from psychiatry rocks btw shout out to the nice people that just work alongside assholes that stress out patients sorry you go through it too

I wouldn't recommend kaisertemorarye for shit especially if you're dying

Oh yeah and all my overweight friends agree that these people will not treat you if you're fat

They have refused me so much to the point I feel pressure to harm myself for them to see how badly it hurts sometimes. Like letting a disease or infection develop over years bc they have denied me help for so long

They only help once it has gotten so bad that you need surgery or something BIG and EXPENSIVE

They book my appointments so that they overlap EVERY TIME doesn't matter what department

Doctors always out on vacation and lazy as fuck so don't expect a speedy email if they ignore your calls

The nurses are overworked and underpaid

They hate women and the likes who don't want to reproduce

They hate gay men so much it's crazy dude my homie tried to donate blood and he said he was gay and they said fuck outta here basically

They charge you for talking to what feels like everyone. No one will just talk to you for free or help you even. They will run you in five circles first.

Well too tired to go on but that's why I hate my health provider thanks for coming to my poorly put together Ted talk

Pls send me your injustice rants bc I feel isolated and I'm so tired of not getting the treatment I need as well as this shitty healthcare... I kinda just want to cry and give up...