#FUCK it posting part one now because impulsive brain said so

[felidthing]

i just had a very long complicated dream about some very ooc homestuck kids. jade might be rooted in some form of fanon at least but i dunno

[infiniteglitterfall]

know someone who enjoys horror stories? share this one! it's true!

hahahahahahahahahaha aarrggghhhhhhhhhh 3,000,000 deaths due to COVID-19 last year. Globally. Three million. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. The reason people are still worried about COVID is because it has a way of quietly fucking up your body. And the risk is cumulative.

I'm going to say that again: the risk is cumulative.

It's not just that a lot of people get bad long-term effects from it. One in seven or so? Enough that it's kind of the Russian Roulette of diseases. It's also that the more times you get it, the higher that risk becomes. Like if each time you survived Russian Roulette, the empty chamber was removed from the gun entirely. The worst part is that, psychologically, we have the absolute opposite reaction. If we survive something with no ill effects, we assume it's pretty safe. It is really, really hard to override that sense of, "Ok, well, I got it and now I probably have a lot of immunity and also it wasn't that bad." It is not a respiratory disease. Airborne, yes. Respiratory disease, no: not a cold, not a flu, not RSV.

Like measles (or maybe chickenpox?), it starts with respiratory symptoms. And then it moves to other parts of your body. It seems to target the lungs, the digestive system, the heart, and the brain the most.

It also hits the immune system really hard - a lot of people are suddenly more susceptible to completely unrelated viruses. People get brain fog, migraines, forget things they used to know.

(I really, really hate that it can cross the blood-brain barrier. NOTHING SHOULD EVER CROSS THE BLOOD-BRAIN BARRIER IT IS THERE FOR A REASON.) Anecdotal examples of this shit are horrifying. I've seen people talk about coworkers who've had COVID five or more times, and now their work... just often doesn't make sense? They send emails that say things like, "Sorry, I didn't mean Los Angeles, I meant Los Angeles."

Or they insist they've never heard of some project that they were actually in charge of a year or two before.

Or their work is just kind of falling apart, and they don't seem to be aware of it.

People talk about how they don't want to get the person in trouble, so their team just works around it. Or they describe neighbors and relatives who had COVID repeatedly, were nearly hospitalized, talked about how incredibly sick they felt at the time... and now swear they've only had it once and it wasn't bad, they barely even noticed it.

(As someone who lived with severe dissociation for most of my life, this is a genuinely terrifying idea to me. I've already spent my whole life being like, "but what if I told them that already? but what if I did do that? what if that did happen to me and I just don't remember?") One of its known effects in the brain is to increase impulsivity and risk-taking, which is real fucking convenient honestly. What a fantastic fucking mutation. So happy for it on that one. Yes, please make it seem less important to wear a mask and get vaccinated. I'm not screaming internally at all now.

I saw a tweet from someone last year whose family hadn't had COVID yet, who were still masking in public, including school.

She said that her son was no kind of an athlete. Solidly bottom middle of the pack in gym.

And suddenly, this year, he was absolutely blowing past all the other kids who had to run the mile. He wasn't running any faster. His times weren't fantastic or anything. It's just that the rest of the kids were worse than him now. For some reason. I think about that a lot. (Like my incredibly active six-year-old getting a cold, and suddenly developing post-viral asthma that looked like pneumonia.

He went back to school the day before yesterday, after being home for a month and using preventative inhalers for almost week.

He told me that it was GREAT - except that he couldn't run as much at recess, because he immediately got really tired. Like how I went outside with him to do some yard work and felt like my body couldn't figure out how to increase breathing and heart rate.

I wasn't physically out of breath, but I felt like I was out of breath. That COVID feeling people describe, of "I'm not getting enough air." Except that I didn't have that problem when I had COVID.) Some people don't observe any long (or medium) term side effects after they have it.

But researchers have found viral reservoirs of COVID-19 in everyone they've studied who had it.

It just seems to hang out, dormant, for... well, longer than we've had an opportunity to observe it, so far.

(I definitely watched that literal horror movie. I think that's an entire genre. The alien dormant under ice in the Arctic.)

(oh hey I don't like that either!!!!!!!!!) All of which is to explain why we should still care about avoiding it, and how it manages to still cause excess deaths. Measuring excess deaths has been a standard tool in public health for a long time.

We know how many people usually die from all different causes, every year. So we can tell if, for example, deaths from heart disease have gone way up in the past three years, and look for reasons. Those are excess deaths: deaths that, four years ago, would not have happened. During the pandemic, excess death rates have been a really important tool. For all sorts of reasons. Like, sometimes people die from COVID without ever getting tested, and the official cause is listed as something else because nobody knows they had COVID. But also, people are dying from cardiovascular illness much younger now.

People are having strokes and heart attacks younger, and more often, than they did before the pandemic started. COVID causes a lot of problems. And some of those problems kill people. And some of them make it easier for other things to kill us. Lung damage from COVID leading to lungs collapsing, or to pneumonia, or to a pulmonary embolism, for example. The Economist built a machine-learning model with a 95% confidence interval that gauges excess death statistics around the world, to tell them what the true toll of the ongoing COVID pandemic has been so far.

Total excess deaths globally in 2023: Three million.

3,000,000.

Official COVID-19 deaths globally so far: Seven million. 7,000,000. Total excess deaths during COVID so far: Thirty-five point two million. 35,200,000.

Five times as many.

That's bad. I don't like that at all. I'm glad last year was less than a tenth of that. I'm not particularly confident about that continuing, though, because last year we started a period of really high COVID transmission. Case rates higher than 90% of the rest of the pandemic. Here's their data, and charts you can play with, and links to detailed information on how they did all of this:

Here's a non-paywalled link to it:

https://archive.vn/2024.01.26-012536/https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/coronavirus-excess-deaths-estimates

Oh: here's a link to where you can buy comfy, effective N95 masks in all sizes:

Those ones are about a buck each after shipping - about $30 for a box of 30. They also have sample packs for a dollar, so you can try a couple of different sizes and styles.

You can wear an N95 mask for about 40 total hours before the effectiveness really drops, so that's like a dollar for a week of wear.

They're also family-owned and have cat-shaped masks and I really love them. These ones are cuter and in a much wider range of colors, prints, and styles, but they're also more expensive; they range from $1.80 to $3 for a mask. ($18-$30 for a box of ten.)

[1800-fight-me]

The Wrong Guy

Logan Howlett x Female!Reader

Rating: M (As always- MINORS DO NOT INTERACT)

Warnings: Angst with a happy ending, non explicit sex

Word count: A little over 1k

Synopsis: Both you and Logan fight against the growing feelings for one another as your relationship deepens.

Author’s note: I am so in love with Wolverine my brain stopped working, please accept this humble offering! I do not have a taglist! Instead if you would like to be notified when I post new fics follow my side blog @jo-writes-fanfic and turn your post notifications on!

“Don’t look at me like that,” he said, the words rough and choked out as if he had to force himself to push the vile words past his teeth. 

“Like what?” you breathed out. 

“Like you see your future in my eyes,” he said. 

Your heart dropped into your stomach and your eyes began to water. 

“Because all I see when I look in yours is a past that broke me completely.” 

You reached your hand across the table and gently laid it atop his own. 

“Logan,” you whispered. 

He shook his head and pulled his hand away. You swore you could hear the sound of your heart cracking. 

“You don’t want this, sweetheart,” he practically growled as he gestured to himself and you couldn’t tell if he was trying to convince you or himself. 

“I can decide for myself,” you protested. 

“You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. You deserve better than to be shackled to someone like me,” he said, and now his hazel eyes shone with unshed tears- the same as yours. 

You glared at him, suddenly sick of all his self hatred bullshit. 

“Then why haven’t you told me to fuck off? You certainly have no problem pushing people away.” you snapped. 

“Because I can’t!” he said, voice raised. 

His breaths came hard and heavy and a part of you wanted to only offer him comfort, but your defenses were up from his harsh words. 

“Why?” you asked, voice flat. 

“It hurts to be near you, a constant reminder of my biggest failure, of everything I lost,” he said as he hung his head. 

This time the tears did begin to fall. 

You opened your mouth to speak but he continued. In a broken voice so unlike the powerful wolverine the world knew, he said, “And it hurts worse to be away from you.” 

If honesty was finally on the menu, you decided to say what had been on your mind as well. 

“When I look at you, I see the future I should have had. I see the life that should have been filled with love and the feeling of home rather than constant wandering and heartbreak.” 

He looked up at you and you ignored the impulse to smooth out the worried wrinkle between his brows with your thumb.  

“And that hurts too,” you said. 

He shook his head. “I’m not him, darlin’. I’m sorry you never met the Logan from your world, but I can’t be what you need from me.” 

“And I can’t be her,” you said, referring to the version of you that was once his wife. 

“I know,” he said, his voice heavy with pain and regret. 

He was your soulmate, but he wasn’t. A different version of the soulmate you were supposed to meet but never did. 

You were his soulmate, but you weren’t. A different version of the love of his life, his wife, the mother of his child, that was ripped from him violently and mercilessly. 

You were bound but doomed from the start. Both unable to walk away but also unable to stay. 

“Where does that leave us?” you asked in a voice so soft and tentative you didn’t even recognize it as your own. 

He sighed heavily, downed the rest of his whiskey, before he said, “I don’t fuckin’ know.” 

You sighed and stood up, ready to storm out of his apartment. 

“Wait,” he murmured, his large hand catching yours. 

You met his gaze and melted at the affection you saw there. 

You let him tug you back down to the couch, this time your body closer to his, close enough that you could feel the heat radiating from his body. Close enough that the presence and scent of him was intoxicating. 

“Let me kiss you,” he said, voice low in a way that made your toes curl. 

You worried there were unspoken words he wasn’t willing to say, that he was really asking to kiss you one last time. 

This man had just ripped your heart out, but you could never say no to him. You could never deny him anything. 

“Logan,” you whimpered and he reached for your face, wiping your tears away before pressing his lips to yours in a kiss so tender you wondered if he was being honest before. You wondered if underneath the hurt that maybe he loved you. 

Your soul belonged to him. 

So you moved your lips in time with him, opening up at his prompting, and a soft whine came from the back of your throat as you tasted him, as your tongue slipped against his. 

A sound- something akin to a growl rumbled through his chest as he pulled you closer, kissed you harder, desperation evident in the way he consumed you. 

“Don’t wanna make you cry, baby,” he murmured against your skin as he trailed his lips across your jaw and throat. 

You whimpered as his teeth grazed the sensitive skin of your neck. 

“Let me make you feel good,” he said, and it was less of an order and more of a plea. 

You let him pull you onto his lap and make good on his promise to give you pleasure, the kind only he could provide. 

But the pain still sat heavy in your chest even as he kissed you gently, moved inside you, and helped you reach your peak as he stared into your eyes. 

This wasn’t anything like the other lust driven entanglements you had with Logan. No, this was him making love to you and baring his soul within the process. 

There were tears once again in both your eyes as he brought you over the edge with him. He held you against his sweat glistened chest and you listened to his slowing heartbeat as you traced patterns on his muscled torso. 

“What if we tried?” you asked softly. 

He hummed as his nose ran across your hair, breathing you in. 

“You’re it for me,” he said in agreement. 

You burrowed your face deeper into his chest and he held you tight. 

And when the morning came, you both tried to put the past and the future aside and just be together, to love each other.

You both tried. 

[mihstar]

This constant noise all the time (or 'Ellie dies instead of Joel' oneshot)

Hey! First of all I just wanted to say that I'm not a writer and didn't even intend to post when I wrote this. But yesterday, someone here was talking about the possibility of Ellie dying in Joel's place, and and I said something about this little draft of mine, and two people said to me that they would read it and it would be cool if I post... And now I'm babbling, sorry. Anyway, I hope you like it. @ranna-alga thanks for the boost of courage <3 And English it's not my first language so sorry for any mistakes.

Summary: Winter arrives for the residents of Jackson, bringing a snowstorm, foreigners survivors, and darkness.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°°••°•°•°•°

Since a little after Ellie was gone, Joel felt heavier.

He would wake up in the morning, surrounded by the walls of his room. Or sometimes in her place, something he's been doing a lot lately. He can tell Tommy worries every time he sees him walking some nights to there instead to his own house, his little brother thinks it wouldn't bring no good. Maybe it wouldn't. But he does anyway - let the warm scent of the sheets make it's way into his nostrils 'til his body feels numb. - He would eat something. Lukewarm coffe with some old toast or bittersweet fruit. Or sometimes nothing. Some days, he would get up and go through the day. Dutties. Patrols. Plans. And some other days... Some of them he wouldn't even leave his porch. Or the inside of his house. Would be still all day, waiting for it to pass so he could close his eyes again. Sometimes, he has dreams with her. Things they did together and things he wish they did. Those are his favourite.

Another times, he would wake up in the middle of the night sweating and calling for her name in the dark. Crying and sobbing. Skull cracking noises ringing vividly in his ears. Choked throat and heart overflowing with bitterness.

It was strange, kind of.

When Sarah died, Joel closed and locked up himself like a door, becoming a heartless man that would rather spend his time killing his way to Boston and fighting with his brother than to remember any fragment of his dead daughter. But now at the dead of his second one, Joel found himself revisiting all of his memories, fragments, anything that would feel like his Ellie again. Maybe because then, Joel couldn't alow himself to be vulnerable about Sarah like that while trying to survive the first years of the outbreak. Not that he wanted to survive by that time, though. He was trying for Tommy. Now, Joel feels like he isn't quite the same. Part of it is Ellie's fault- That kid changed him in so many ways. That blinding rage that used to take control of his body doesn't make him impulsive like it used to do. Salt Lake is still his last big sin in his history. Instead of, he was letting this, his girl's ghost haunt him 'till the rest of his days.

He's not sure if remembering her stops him from putting a bullet into his brain or just kills him slowly like a cancer. Maybe both. But he can't fucking help it.

He can't help but try to remember every single freckle of her face, the way her little bony fingers would strum the guitar he gave her. He tried to remind himself of every single joke or random facts about space she read somewhere. The sound of her laugh was his prayer that he would imagine in his head everynight. Keep with him like a treasure and make sure he would never forget that sound. He couldn't forget, she deserves to be remembered.

Joel also usually thinks about the day before Ellie was gone too. He wasn't hoping to see her at the Community hall that night when Tommy invited him. He saw her almost everyday, but after their fight, there were times he would look at her and feel like he haven't seen her in ages. Like he lost too damn much. By the years, ellie got taller and her features matured with her age. She lost some of her baby fat and she was beginning to look more like the adult folks in town - even when all Joel could see when looking at her was the little girl following his steps on the road, years ago. His heart aches to think he would never see her turn into the beautiful woman she sure would have been.

Remembering about their last day in Jackson was the memory that most hurts to think about. Because of the fact that, in that day, none of them knew what would happen in the next one. She was dancing with that kid Dina by the sound of a song about God, not having an ideia that it would be her last dance, her last night, her last kiss. If she knew about that, or at least had a bad omen, would she have done diferently and opened up her feelings to that girl before It was too late? Before she would end up being burried in dirt at Jackson's cemetery?

And Snow, he recalls thinking it when they buried her. When he buried her. Small and heavy weight wrapped in a white sheet. Too limp and quiet in his arms when he found it too hard to let go-

When winter arrived for the first time after they settled in town, Ellie would always be a little more cautious about this particular season of the year. Not that she used to say to him, because she didn't. Even If he asked to. He doesn't know if It's because that would be breaking the "tough girl" persona she liked to be, or if It's for Joel's sake: Ellie knew he already felt very responsible about everything that happened after they were ambushed in Colorado, she probably wouldn't want to make him feel worse. So she used to say she was fine. But Joel knew her enough to notice her posture change and her quiet behavior; fingers always moving and the urge to spend more time at home, and not just brcause of the cold. Think about it now, gives chills down to his spine.

Poor kiddo, It's almost like the kid could sense winter smelled like her death. Bright red all over the floor. Bare limp arms as they took off her sweater 'cause they wanted to make sure she was who they thought. Metallic smell invading his senses and his scream tearing his lungs. Strong arms lift and pick up momentum one last time, the wind outside whistling as death opened the door. 'Please she's just a kid!' and 'Ellie, baby, get up' just before...

It's so hard to associate the small body, bloody and shrunken like a fetus on the floor of Baldwin mansion with the green eyed girl in his porch, stabbing his heart with daggers and saying she would enjoy to have him in her life again - even when her heart was still so broken by him. And, at the end of that night, Joel turned off the lights and went to bed, not aware that that would be the last time he spoke to his babygirl. Because her skull would be split in half by a fucking golf club in the next morning.

He wonders if she called for his name at any moment during that. Godammit, she must have been so scared and lonely, Joel knew It. Her whole body must have hurt so much, being spanked in that cold floor, she must have been in so much pain, crying and confused about why those fuckers were doing such a thing. Joel is not sure if those cowards did even brother to explain anything to her. Did she think about him once? Was waiting for him to be there sooner?

Sarah's last (and agonizing) moments of pain lasted a minute or two, and Joel was there with her all the time, holding her and looking into her eyes until any sign of life fade through them like dust. The fact that he heard Ellie's screams even though she was almost dying and too weak to open her eyes indicates that her torture began well before his intervention. And when he finally came to rescue, his body was hold against the floor five feet away from her. And he had to watch her last minutes, unable to touch her, while her body let out one last painful breath. So fragile, so gore and tragic. Like a baby deer slaughtered by a pack of hungry wolves.

And, even at death, Ellie would still be the top of his worries. He can't watch a movie he already seen before cause her reactions were still vivid in his head, neither watch a new one cause then he will wonder if she would've liked or think it's bullshit. He does plays guitar, but doesn't sing 'cause that's something he only used to do to his baby girl. Hurts to be with Jesse in patrol because he looks at that kid and reminds him so much of his own. Seeing other people was the worst part. They laughing. They living, talking, fucking doing things because she used to be one of them. Ellie would be disappointed to see him like this. Miserable, worse than when they met, a dead weight, guilty...

He feels guilty because he knows he is, in fact, guilty. Tommy says other wise, says there's nothing he could've done. You gave her a home and people like me 'nd Maria who truly cared about her. She may have been mad at you at some point and things were not fuckin' great between you two but she recognized that. So now, if you wanna say her death it's on you, go on... that ain't fine by me neither but there's nothin' I can say to handle you of that. But don't say you weren't good to her because we both know it ain't true. Ellie died, Joel. But she had the best years of her life. Accept that, brother.

But Tommy doesn't get it. He only saw these last couple of years, but he hasn't seen all of it. Not they journey, not their start. He never failed anyone.

Joel was her protector during years, he was her guardian, he always had some kind of sixth sense whenever became to that kid, in the road or not. He should've know. He should've done something, somehow prevented that from happening to her. It was him in the first place, those people were there for his sins. Not hers, she didn't have any.

'I will never leave you alone again' was the exact same words he said that day, cupping Ellie's cheeks when that building was almost falling in their heads by the flames. But he did, he did left her. Cold, broken, gone. It was stupid from him to think he wouldn't fail with this kid when he already failed with another one before, and even more cruel to make a little girl believe in a promise he wouldn't keep. She saved him on that winter with all her strength, but he didn't save her in this Winter. If the memories of the girl is not a Cancer to his heart, this thought may be.

Spreading on him like a fungus.

Joel have never been a very religious man, but he likes to think that If there's really a place reserved for good-hearted souls worthy of eternal rest, Ellie is there. Maybe exploring bright sacred places or good memories. Probably even finally being able to meet another girl that both have knowledge of a person in common. Joel is not very sure that he would Join them someday, though. Even If he would like to think about it if he had time. Pretend. Like it isn't impossible.

Because sure as hell would be once he find out the lair of the hungry wolves. Salt Lake City was big sin, but It wasn't his last. Joel was going to make sure It wasn't.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Iit's not perfect but I think it turned out pretty good as a person who doesn't really have writing skills... Right?🙈 Please share and don't forget to say what do you think about it. @elliespuns Come see this before I regret.

[hapan-in-exile]

Volume 1 - Bonus Post: I know you think about me in the shower [M]

Another installment in this ongoing serialized fanfic

A/N: this is a bonus post from Mando's POV

This episode takes place directly after the events of Volume 1: Post 3: Thrilling Tales of Emergency Medicine.

Genre: Mandalorian x Fem! Reader

Rating: Explicit - smut, language, 18+ MINORS DNI *NSFW*

_____________________________________

Reader prompt from @hotnmad:

“I didn’t see anything! But your thoughts are…very loud.” “How do you—right," he nods. "No helmet in the fresher.” EEEEEEKKKKKK I WANNAAAAA KNOWWWW I WANT THAT FLASHBACK. PLEASE. LET ME SEE WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT IN THE FRESHER IM BEGGING 😭😭😭

Hod Ha'ran, have mercy, pleaded the Mandalorian. I’m in trouble.

He desperately rubbed at his temples like the kinetic energy might stir something loose in his brain. I’m in so much fucking trouble. 

He’d made it four months of her living onboard without making a fool of himself. That was, in large part, because he’d decided speaking with her was too risky. It’d only be a matter of time before he blurted out some humiliating observation about how flexible she is while watching her work through those morning stretches. The horror of hearing himself saying, You can really get that leg up there, was enough to keep him quiet.

He couldn’t say something stupid if he kept his mouth shut. 

Now, he could not for the life of him remember exactly what, if anything, he had said to her under the haze of Bacta and painkillers.

Which is why he usually grit his teeth and worked through the pain without meds. Because that shit dissolved every ounce of self-control he possessed. Whatever impulse he felt, he chased. Whatever he wanted, he took.

And he wanted her. 

He was pretty sure that he'd grabbed her.

The sedatives in the Bacta meant his blood pressure was probably too thin to get a hard-on, but he couldn’t be sure.

What he did remember was the feeling of her breasts pressed against his chest. Hell, he’d squeezed her so tightly that one of her nipples had actually popped out over the top of her shirt. That would be hard to forget. 

He also remembered her arms wrapped around him. The way she fit perfectly tucked against him. She hadn’t pulled away. 

But he shouldn’t read anything into that. She was being nice because that was her nature. It’s the same comfort she would extend to anyone who almost died in her arms. He’d awoken with one of her pillows propped under his neck and a wool blanket wrapped around him. A tender kindness for someone who had thanked her for saving his life by grabbing at her like some lecherous drunk.

She’s kind to everyone, he reminded himself. She has this immeasurable patience that he couldn’t fathom.

A vision of wet cloth clinging to the generous curves of her breasts teased at him. They were ample, probably more than a handful.

Fucking farrik, you gotta stop thinking about her tits!

Thulani was sweet, but she wasn’t innocent. He liked that about her, too.

She had this self-awareness about the lushness of her body. She knew it influenced the way people perceived her and how they treated her. The Mandalorian had some inkling of what that must be like—he was a walking fetish for a lot of people, after all—so he found it pretty impressive when she used her sexuality to intimidate someone.   

She tried it on him sometimes.

Thank the gods, she couldn’t see his reaction from under the helmet. Though he did feel guilty about her confusion whenever she couldn’t get a read on his response to her flirting.

Not that he’d try to stop her. Every hand she placed on his arm, every coy smile she flashed him, every time she walked around in her tiny shorts that were basically underwear—he enjoyed safely from beneath his view plate.

She liked to flirt with everyone. With the station agent, the merchant selling dumplings, standing in line at the bar. She was just like that. Like starlight. Everywhere she turned to cast her gaze, brightened. She invited anyone and everyone to share in its warmth.

And damnit, she’d been so warm. Her round ass braced against his thigh, the thick curve of her hips pressed into his stomach. Her tits.

The Mandalorian thought back to the first time he'd seen her, crossing each other on the staircase in the lobby of Ingtar's casino. She was climbing them confidently in her ridiculously tall heels. Lifting her face to the ceiling, her body arched, breasts thrust upward like an offering to the gods.

He would probably die, and his last thoughts would be about her tits. They were full and soft but also firm. She could probably smother him between her perfect breasts, and he would die happy. 

Shit, his cock was so hard it ached. He lightly palmed it through the thick canvas of his flight suit. But he was too full, in urgent need of release. There was nothing else for it.

The Mandalorian tossed the pillow and blanket back onto her bedroll and limped toward the fresher. The stitches stung, yet the sharp pain was not enough to dull his desire. He could lock himself inside the holding cell and claim he wanted privacy, except that she would most likely hear and guess what he was doing in there. The noise from the running water and the air vent would obscure the sound of his grunts and heavy breathing.

It felt shameful to jerk off in the shower while she sat about a foot directly above him. She was a woman under his protection, and he’d already crossed some inviolable boundaries by forcing her into his lap. Last time he needed the release, he'd left the ship and rented a room in town...? 

We’re already strapped for cash.

Right. He’d just have to take care of this quickly and do penance for it later. 

By the time he stripped naked and closed himself inside the fresher, his body was trembling. His blood roared in his ears. Had he ever felt this hard before? Was it some side effect of the Bacta? Or was it simply a measure of how much he wanted her?

He reached between his legs to grip the length of his cock and squeezed. 

"Um, Mando—" She shouted from the other side of the stall door. "I know this is super intrusive, but I need to remind you that you can't get your stitches wet. You should rub—wash! Wash yourself with a cloth."

He froze. His hand had been sweeping up and down the expanse of his shaft. There was no way he could respond. His breath was already harsh and uneven.

“There’s a sponge in my shower caddy you can use if you need to…” she offered. “I’m…I’m gonna go back up to the cockpit. We’ll just—ah, wait for you up there.”

Fuck. He stood there for a moment with the head of his cock under his thumb. 

Her sponge? He saw it tucked into the container that hung from the shower head. A real, organic sponge. Large and plush. Like her tits. Looking at it made him laugh. Not even running for her life could curb this woman’s taste for luxury. 

She luxuriated in everything. And he liked that, too. She savored things. 

He remembered growing half a stalk just hearing her moan while she stuffed her mouth full of custard buns.

Her mouth, thought the Mandalorian as his dick throbbed in his hand.

He thought about her mouth a lot, too. 

Right. Let’s be done with this.

He grabbed the sponge. It was still slick with her soap. Something that smelt like flowers and crisp citrus. He wrapped it around his cock and imagined the hot, sticky sheath of her cunt as he entered her.

No—nnngh, he groaned.

Her tits. Instead, he imagined her kneeling between his thighs and thrusting himself between her breasts as she squeezed them together, sliding them up and down his swollen shaft—anngh, unngh. 

And her mouth. She would tuck her chin down to slide those full lips over the head of his cock, lapping at the beads of come she drew from him.

Mmmf—his hand stroked the full length of his erection, no longer languid pulls now, but quickly.  

His chest heaved with each panting breath.

Haa! He jerked faster. Haa! Faster, faster. Haa, aah! He was so close.

He groaned again as the pace of his frantic rhythm increased.

Knowing Thuli, she would probably look him directly in the eyes the whole time she had his cock in her mouth—nnngh!

He pumped relentlessly until, finally, he cried out. He shuddered as each spasm tensed every muscle in his body, his come spurting again and again.

Unngh! Haa, aah, ahh!

All over her sponge. 

Fuck!

****************************

Back to Volume 1 - All posts

[aurlworthfightingfor]

Ok it is day 5 of taking adderall. Last week I was given a “trial prescription” to it. 30 pills, 10mg. Enough to test if they work on me, and give me a chance to get “properly” diagnosed as adhd. (I have a virtual meeting w someone who can do that next week)

I knew within an hour and a half of taking the meds, on the first day, that this was a life changer. Day and fucking knight difference. My executive function is well.. functioning. My impulse control is getting better. I have gotten so much shit done the last few days (projects I’ve put off for months, one of which was a relaxing project.)

My brain is relatively quiet now. Only one song stuck in my head instead of 5. The biggest shock is my intrusive thoughts are gone, and so is the existential dread that I thought was just a normal level of dread. Stuff at work that used to PISS ME OFF, just doesn’t matter.. so now I’ve been coming home and not going off about my day. My days have been alright.

My coworker said to me last Thursday “if you have any extra I can take them off your hands.” And it’s been kind of bugging me because like.. not only is this illegal.. not only does he have the same insurance I do.. but I’ve been genuinely happy without effort for the first time in my entire life. And this dude had the audacity to ask for some of it. This is part of why people like me have to jump through so many hoops to get this life altering drug!!

There are no extras, there never will be extras. Anybody who wants them will have to pry them from my cold dead hands. This is what I needed in my life.

Pre-medication I would have felt like I had to give in to a request like this, and maybe that’s why he was bold enough to make it. Post medication me knows it’s not selfish to keep this for myself. Like I said. Life changing!

[man-im-so-high]

as you probably have figured it out - i am the anon

idk why i thought anonymous could protect me from the consequences. i really don't.

the "call out post" was beas and coucous idea. i have nothing to do with their personal issue with lena. this will be about my side and i'll only be speaking for myself.

for some time in may, i was friends with lena. but then they and george (also very sorry for them misgendering you) started interacting with me less and less. i reached out to lena and the situation was cleared. it was alright and all talked out. yet, i was overthinking and probably over-interpreting the messages.

then, a week ago, i posted a post where i was mad at my moms boyfriend and said something very insensitive and horrible about him being a drug addict. lena rightfully called me out. i tried to explain my situation, tired to apologize for it. i also tried to apologize on tumblr, by making a post. i'm very sorry for what i said. i'm in a very bad place mentally and getting my thoughts out helps me (as you probably know by seeing me on your dash all the time), but there are thoughts that shouldn't be said or even be thought - that one being one of them. i should've never even thought that, since the main post had nothing to do with it. it was wrong and unforgivable, that was my first mistake.

then i posted that i want to be friends with everyone on 75blr and someone said that maybe there's a reason why i'm not. it made me anxious and overthink, jumping to conclusions, thinking it had to be lena.

i talked to coucous, telling them about my assumption. they told me that they had problems with lena in the past and told me about the situation with bea. i remembered lena and george talking about it once when we were in a groupchat together. and i told bea and coucous. another mistake. i should've just kept my mouth shut. i should've never said anything. i'm sorry for telling them, it was none of my business. i wasn't part of the situation, i had nothing to do with it all, so why did i say anything? honestly, because my brain kept telling me that lena hates me. yet lena said they DON'T, i just didn't believe them. why? insecurities.

now, the post. they planned it, typed it out and before it got posted, i read it and approved it. i can't apologize for the misgendering, since i'm trans* myself. i didn't think of george using other pronouns now. i'm really sorry for that, but i understand if you don't forgive me. if we do a call out post, we could've at least fact checked your pronouns. embarrassment at its finest.

it was so indescribably wrong to even create this post. i didn't think of the consequences it could have on lena, george or jj. i thought i could get away with it. i don't even wanna imagine how you felt when you read it, i already felt terrible finding out you figured out i'm the anon.

it was an impulsive decision, made from insecurity and my terrible mental health. i mean, it just shows that i have no balls - i was too scared to reach out to lena again, so what do i do? i hurt them? why the fuck did i do that?

i was so scared of getting cancelled for the shitty ass thing i said, that i tried cancelling someone else. i was trying so hard to protect myself that i hurt other people. it was selfish, probably even narcissistic.

i'm sorry, i should've kept my mouth shut. it was a situation between lena and me, not for all of 75blr. if you hate me now, i get that. it was the wrong way to handle a situation that was not that deep. i take all the blame for my behavior.

finally, i gotta face my consequences. if you want to unfollow or even block me, do that. i'll be taking some time off tumblr and focus on my mental health.

lena, i hope you can forgive me. i understand if you don't wanna talk to me ever again, this was so wrong and unethical from me. i sorry for how i treated this, it really wasn't that deep and if i had reached out to you before ever thinking of this post, we could've possibly talked it through. but i get if you don't ever wanna talk it out, and i'll live with that.

george, i'm sorry for the misgendering. i'm also sorry for telling them about what you and lena had said in the groupchat. that was none of their business. the whole situation between you all was none of my business.

i hope you can forgive me one day. and maybe, when i'm in a better place mentally and when i have worked on my flaws, we can at least get along again. i'm already in therapy and believe me i would love to see my therapist rn but she's on holiday, i'll see her in 2 weeks. i realized that my behavior hurts others. maybe it's just my anxiety, maybe i just really am selfish. i mean, my dad is a narcissist, maybe i actually am too.

well, i guess that's it. i'll delete tumblr for now

i'm sorry that i hurt you.

- kimi (man-im-so-high // lukeslights4ber)

[ashtonisvibing]

big ol' list of jackie headcanons

@jselorekeeper's call for ego hcs has now made me wanna just... dump all my jackie hcs into a post. obviously, y'know, pre note, these are personal headcanons that i have for jackie. honestly this is just my fanon interpretation of him in general.

he's trans (trans man, he/him) and autistic, and his special interests are robotics and superhero comics (mostly marvel, he's slowly starting to dabble in dc as well)

speaking of marvel, he had a major crush on spiderman growing up (still does in terms of the adult iterations)

he has a german shepherd puppy named grimlock, named after one of his favorite transformers from the 1984 show (a personal favorite show of his)

his super hero identity "jackieboy man" is actually a herosona that he made as a kid! the video of jackieboy man that we've got, where he's in a red full body and cape and all that? yeah, that was the herosona. obviously now that he's an adult the suit looks much better, but he kept the name because... he honestly couldn't think of anything better

he taught himself how to play the drums when he was a young adult just for the fuck of it

as mentioned in the ask i sent to the lore keeper, jackie got his powers (super strength) from a group of scientists that had kidnapped and experimented on him when he was a teen to create a super weapon of sorts. it was extremely painful, and traumatizing for him. honestly the only reason he escaped (that i didn't originally mention cuz it was... a bit much, so warning for death) was because his body and mind just had enough, and with a huge burst of strength he broke out, killing quite a few in the process. afterwards his brain entirely repressed it, with the memories only appearing as nightmares. he only remembers now because marvin unlocked those memories when he tried figuring out why jackie was having the same nightmare since he was a teen. and because of all of this he's now terrified of getting any sort of injections (needles in general make him nervous but so long as he's not getting the injection he can stand to be around them).

on a brighter note, tattoos!! he's only got a couple, a trans flag on his right peck, and spiderman's logo on his left bicep. he might get another one but who knows, tattoos aren't his biggest thing (obviously he likes them, but he's not looking to go all out like chase)

his lip rings were a major impulse decision. they aren't really a thing for him, but this one time his brain said "get lip rings" and he went for it.

he's built his own little septiceye sam droid that acts as a camera of sorts, that he uses when out on lookouts and stuff, with a programmed personality to boot. its optic nerve even doubles as a laser! he also uses it whenever bing has parts that break down, sam can scan bing to help jackie identify the problem and fix it easier.

oh god, the dad jokes. i mean, he is a dad (yes i gave him (and marvin cuz marvelsepticeye my beloved) two fankids), but the amount of dad jokes he makes is enough to make a teenager groan and roll their eyes out of their skull. dad jokes and quick one liners are his specialty.

might be surprising but he's a huge fan of drawing, and has a realism style. although his sketchbook is 90% marvin drawings-

as a kid his preferred way of communicating important things with his parents was via slideshow presentation. i'm not joking, something about laying out everything he needed to say in a neat format always helped him when he got anxious about talking to them. it was actually how he came out to his parents as trans.

that's all i have for now but i can guarantee i will be adding more to this list as i come up with them

[thebreakfastgenie]

🌈🕯️💌🤲

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

A lot of my fics put me through the fucking wringer. safe travels was one. I rewrote the final conversation between BJ and Hawkeye a couple of times and I rewrote the BJ-Charles scene even more times. It languished at like 80% done for months. I had such a vivid image in my head of that Hawkeye-BJ conversation and I'm still not sure the final version totally conveyed it, but it got enough.

But the best answer here is The Emergency Room. I wrote a long, in-depth, self-indulgent post about writing this fic once and I'm glad I did because I forget what a hell writing it was. One of my anchor scenes was the one between Josh and Dr. Williams. It was one of those scenes I was so looking forward to writing! And when I got there I just couldn't. It took weeks. Maybe months. And then there was the ending. I had no idea how to end it. I mean, I really, really struggled with this. It was horrible. And then I just... hit upon it. And I've gotten comments about how much people loved the last line so I don't think anyone would guess that felt like a lucky break after days of torture. It's now one of my favorite last lines I've ever written, too.

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

I sort of answered this above, but The Emergency Room. I knew the general beats of it. I started writing it impulsively on Christmas 2020, when I'd recently gotten back into The West Wing and was trying to write a different Christmas fic I've tried unsuccessfully to write for seven or eight Christmases now. So I kind of thought it would be easy. It was not. I don't think the story went any place unexpected, but not one single step of the journey was expected.

I should also mention Campfire! The first half of Campfire was supposed to be about Josh's camp counselor being an asshole and Josh was supposed to stay a social outcast for the entire summer. And then some part of my brain was like, what if he had friends? And it ended up being a lot more about that. The loneliness is still there, because he doesn't share his grief and doesn't expect them to understand, but he has friends. It made the story a lot better, because it added a sort of parallel to CJ, Toby, and Sam.

Like I said above, safe travels gave me hell, but it didn't surprise me. It's always the fics where I know where they're going that give me trouble. The ones that surprise me are the ones that come easy.

One fic that took me somewhere I didn't expect was the play's the thing. Gloria's role ended up being much bigger than I originally imagined! She was just supposed to be the cute girl he used as an excuse for auditioning for the play. But I really love how she turned out!

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

I don't know when you're going to see it but I am so excited about everyone seeing chapter 2 of Ghost AU. This isn't a spoiler because it's the premise of the fic; chapter 1 sets up the conditions for Hawkeye's death and he dies at the very end of the chapter. So chapter 2 is everyone's immediate reactions. I'll share that it happens in the O.R. If you want more details you can ask... I may or may not answer (I'll totally answer if you DM me I'm shit at keeping secrets).

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

Writing is a hobby and I love it! I don't know how not to do it. In terms of fic, it's really a way for me to process how I feel about events and characters. It's not that different from meta, really. When a concept is driving me crazy I write a fic about it and then it usually keeps driving me crazy forever anyway. It's an expression of passions.

[heymantakemycruiser]

I had a bizarre yet fun day

First we start off with the idiots at the grocery store, I swear people have NO manners AT ALL. But it did take all the impulse control in me to not scream abt fish sticks and I have no idea why. I was feeling… Silly and destructive 😝

For legal matters that was a joke

Idk why I said that this is tumblr there aren’t any legal matters

Then we come home, I change and I almost hit someone cause I lost my brush and I have yet to find it. I put a SHIT ton of hairspray in my hair which I failed to style it properly when I left the first time bc I don’t think I know how to do that hairstyle. I was going for a Farrah Fawcett look but it did NOT hold the heat and was flat by the time I got home the first time so I coated my hair in spray and probably got it up my nose which is probably why I’m stuffy now. I think I need rollers for that style. I’m not good with curling irons or straighteners.

Then we got to le fabrique shoppe (aka Hobby Lobby) and the woman cutting my fabric kept going on and on and on about how she loved the fabric I chose and how she wanted some and I’m like uh okay what you do in your spare time is none of my business 😭 but no seriously she was nice it’s just funny to me

My mom almost destroyed something In JoAnns. No one knows why

Then we get to the iHop, which is always scary because we were downtown and we’re never downtown so it’s dangerous. And for whatever reason, when we get in the iHop I said “It’s chilly” and then my mind literally said “no this is the iHop” WHAT IS THAT PART OF YOUR BRAIN THAT DOES THAT

The iHop bathroom smelt of shit and chlorine. Lovely.

The music in there almost made me grab a gun from someone it’s downtown so I know someone had one especially considering there were many cops around.

Yes I know you probably think I live in Brooklyn or something but it’s literally Columbia SC.

Seriously, I wouldn’t make in NYC.

Well, I’d be fine, my mom wouldn’t be.

Then there was this ADORABLE LITTLE FUCKING STUFFED CHICKEN AND I WANTED HIM SO BADLY MY LIFE IS INCOMPLETE WITHOUT HIM.

Oh, I forgot to mention we’re at the general store now, there were no stuffed chickens at iHop.

I almost fell down the stairs. And what I mean by that is I felt my foot slightly slip off the stair.

My dads truck almost got the hood taken off of it. Seriously, they can’t make those parking garages a LITTLE higher?

I almost took home a Columbia parking lot lemon peel. Why? Idk.

Then we finally get to the zoo, not much really happened at the zoo. It was wonderful there were many lights. Not really. It was slightly lacking. I wanted to go on the carousel so bad but I got so sad when I realized I didn’t have a new special someone to go on the carousel with me. And for those who know me, it’s not who you’re thinking.

That’s a topic for another post that no one sees.

Then we’re on the way back, and we decide to go eat at Le Crisp Bucket (also known as the Cracker Barrel) and I’m literally still full from that. This woman there was literally arguing on the phone the whole time and I don’t know how she ate cause she wouldn’t shut her damn mouth. She kept yelling at these poor old people too.

Then my mom remembers she needs paint, so here we are back at Le Fabrique Shoppe. It’s literally about 20 minutes from closing. My mom and her poor vision called this poor man a ma’am. He didn’t seem to care so that’s good.

And my mom literally took the chocolate covered orange sticks into the Hobby Lobby just so my dad wouldn’t be able to eat them.

I feel like this day was… not a waste of time for sure. It was probably one of the best days of my life. It felt like we went on vacation. And I just recently got out of a really toxic relationship so I’m starting to be able to eat again and enjoy things. I think my Ed has been healed, possibly. Even my parents noticed that I’ve been eating more.

I wanted so badly to skip through the zoo with that guy :( it makes me so sad.

All the lights were so pretty tho.

So that was today. Pretty nice huh. I still wanna go to like the beach again so bad. Like so bad it almost hurts. God I haven’t stayed in a hotel in 4 years.

Anyways, that’s it for this post

[vespertin-y]

Okay, let have a mature decision on this topic because it tiresome to see this brought over and over. Let’s start with the fact the love hotel Miu literally come onto Shuichi without his consent aka I going to make babies with you wither you like it or not.

If you want the main game she groped Karde in the beginning of the game and in her freetime she gives shuichi a pie with her hair in it by it could potentially be her pubes.

Then there’s korekiyo love hotel who also comes onto Shuichi without his consent and both of these love hotel were play for laughs just Teruteru one but the difference between them is for Miu and Korekiyo it’s hand-waved by fans. Also don’t give me that rubbish it non-canon the freetimes are like that too because they don’t effect the main plot who have any impact whatsoever on it, so it just fluff dialogue that you most likely see after you final the main part of the game.

Also think about it why is Miu and Korekiyo who also a confirmed murders of many women’s acceptable to like because they hot and another with Miu if she was a man she gets why more backlashes for her behaviour especially with groping Karde part because for some reason people think it cute when a girl does that.

Now this isn’t defending Teruteru actions but I want you to put into perspective if he was hot fans would like him just like Miu and like be honest here if he was hot he most likely not be treated as a joke like he is now and him short and overweight means he never be taking seriously by the writers and with him being queer as well.

It’s honestly a shame because the character has a lot more to offer like his family, his passion for cooking and in the some mangas depends on the writer he goes out of his way to help his sick classmates, it honestly a real shame his freetime are good until then, it honestly feel like the writer got cold feet on making Teruteru a very morally grey character but still a somewhat nice person who has a very dark sense of humor that can get better but decided nah funny joke lol. Also it so bad when people forget at least in game he appear in he was doing it as an act to try and be more popular with others.

now you are totally entitled to not like Teruteru because that’s your opinion just how others can not like Miu and I don’t think people need to justify they disliking of a character if they don’t want to. Just like how people can like a character for their own reason, like how Teruteru fans are entitled to not have tell you why they like him and should not bullied or harassed for liking that said character.

that’s all from me, have a lovely day.

thank you for being polite even if you're tired - there's a reason i made a post on my own blog instead of replying to someone and that's because i wasn't in the mood to fight.

you can like teruteru if you want. you can dislike miu (and korekiyo) if you want.

what i found disgusting was being accused of bigotry for enjoying miu and not teruteru. as a bi person i find teruteru fucking exhausting. i did not find miu being creepy in side events comparable to being forced to watch teruteru attempt to rape sonia no matter how little time i willingly spend with him. i find miu to have interesting aspects beyond her sex jokes - i think the slow growth of her paranoia is interesting, and the fact that her lack of impulse control is due to a brain injury was neat. i did not see anything in teruteru beyond 1) being a shitty stereotype and 2) loving his mom, which only exists to give him a motive. the fact that you refer to him as having "a very dark sense of humor" is vile to me - what about him did you find funny???

i will not have my disgust at a vile portrayal of my FAMILY be represented as "hating fat people". that is why i made my original post.

i hope you have a nice day as well. please do not send another ask about this topic as it's very upsetting to me.

[smoochesforghost]

change of face

part 1/? ( 2 ) ( 3 ) 

reblogs > likes

[dbnightingale24]

Just because I Won’t Die For You, Doesn’t Mean I Won’t Kill For You

A long ass Lloyd Hansen One Shot

~~

I’m apologizing now because the story I originally had planned, and what I actually wrote, are two completely different things. I was completely fine with Lloyd being a villain, but then my sappy ass was like “okay, but what if he wasn’t?”. This is his villain origin story basically, and no one asked for or needed it. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’M SORRY. Honestly, if they ever do a study on my brain, it’ll be pointless because they’ll never find out what the fuck is wrong with me. I’m telling y’all now, this is EXTREMELY smut heavy, with cute moments here and there. Part 2 is going to be all of the cute stuff. Just work with me. Anyway, here’s another fucking novel because I’m annoying and don’t know when to stop. There were supposed to be pictures of the outfits reader wears, but this shit is already so long. Maybe in part 2 if I ever learn to tone it down. Anyway, have fun!

Word Count: 43,950 (Listen, I said I wanted this done in under 45,000 words. Be proud of me, dammit)

Warnings: Honestly, this whole fucking story is a warning. SMUT, so much fucking smut (I’m so sorry), anal, squirting, choking, slapping, Daddy kink, Mommy kink, Degrading kink, Swearing, Drinking, Smoking, Angst, Lusting, Violence, Public Sex, Daddy Issues, Murder, Lloyd Hansen (lets face it, he’s a warning on his own), Some manipulation (I guess), Family drama, Loss...Minors if you even blink at this I’ll snitch on you.

Song(s) That Inspired This: I Brought You My Love, You Brought Me Your Bullets.

Summary: Lloyd Hansen is just another job for you. Your last job. However, when he decides that he wants to take you for a ride and have a good time, well...how’s a girl supposed to say no?

I do not give consent for my works/stories to be posted elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.

~~

Part 1

“Lloyd, are you sure-”

“Ask me that question one more time, and I promise you won’t like the answer,” I mutter as Agent Miranda’s lifeless body hits the ground. “Trust me, Carmichael, I know exactly what I’m doing. If there’s one thing Y/N taught me, it’s impulse control,” I smirk.

“If you say so,” he sighs into my earpiece. “If you know where Fitzroy is, why not just weed him out now?”

“Impulse control, my friend. All about impulse control.” 

6 Years Earlier...

“I don’t understand why Lloyd Hansen is our responsibility,” you mumble as you sit in your Father’s office.

“Because it’s what we do,” he sighs, tired of having the same talk with you.

“Okay, let me fix that. Why is Lloyd my responsibility?”

“Because you’re the best there is!” he snaps, slamming his hand down on the table. “That’s how I trained you, that’s how I raised you! To be the best and get the job done! The government sees a lot of potential in this man, so we’ve got to get him into shape!”

“We don’t have shit to do with the government!”

“We train assassins because we are assassins, Y/N.”

“Whatever, where’s his file?”

“Here,” he mumbles, tossing you the file.

“Before this month is up, I’m putting in my two weeks.”

“Y/N-”

“No Father, I’m tired of this shit. I’m not you. Just because I’m good at killing people, doesn’t mean I want keep fuckin’ doing it.”

“Y/N, you’re one of the best and I know this was never the life you wanted, but-”

“I’m not going back and forth about this. My mind is made up and that’s final.”

“How is it that you always break my heart?”

“When you’re not trying, you’re an easy man to break,” you smile weakly. “Let me go get started on Lloyd,” you sigh, grabbing his file before making your way out.

Your Father doesn’t love anything or anyone besides you. Maybe it’s because you’ve never wanted for anything, maybe it’s because you stayed out of the way when you were a child, maybe it’s because you don’t bother him, or maybe it’s because you became extremely talented at the family business without much help from anyone.

Or, just maybe, it’s because you’re his daughter.

Whatever the reason may be, he’s taken an extra sense of pride in you being so good at your job, which has resulted in multiple arguments whenever you tell him that you wanna move on and do something else with your life. You never meant to be good at killing people, it just came naturally.

It is the family business after all.

You stand outside the “classroom” and sigh before grabbing the remote clicker and making your way inside.

‘This is the last time you’ll have to do this,’ you tell yourself as you take a seat on your desk and look him over. ‘Well, they certainly sent you a good looking one this time.’

Lloyd is the text book definition of a gorgeous man, and going by what his file says, he’s had a good life. His Father owns a construction company, and his his mother was a beauty pageant queen turned stay at home mom when he was born. His grades were amazing, he was great at sports until a football injury made him quit, and he was voted most likely to succeed in High School.

He was top of his class when he was training to become a member of the CIA, his accuracy is amazing, and he doesn’t fail the jobs he’s given. His problem? Cruel and unusual torture methods, 0 impulse control, bad ethics, pays no attention to authority, throws all caution to the wind, and the list goes on.

“I take it you’re supposed to be my teacher for all this,” he smirks at you, as you hop on the desk; looking you over as you cross your legs.

“That would be correct, Hansen. Looks like you got kicked out of Academy.”

“That would be the case.”

“Care to share with the class what’s so wrong with you?”

“Excuse me?”

“What’s your damage, Lloyd? Why are you so fucked up?”

“You’re the one holding my file.”

“And none of it adds up, so you tell me, what’s your problem?”

“Isn’t that your job?”

“Oh Sweetie, no” you smile at him. “My job is to fix you enough for the government to use you until you’re dead. That’s what we specialize in here.”

“Is that something I’m supposed to want?”

“You’re the one who signed up for the CIA, Sweetheart. I didn’t tell you to.”

“Well, what the fuck is your problem?”

“Pick something another day and we can talk in depth about it,” you smile before pressing the button on the clicker, sending a a jolt of electricity through him.

“JESUS!”

“You’re losing focus, Lloyd. That doesn’t do well with me.”

“What the fuck is this?!”

“It’s a school for fuck ups, Sweetie. I thought they explained that to you.”

“Yeah, they didn’t say it was a school for torture!”

“Eh, isn’t it all the same, really?”

“Listen-”

“No no, you listen Honey,” you coo as you get off the table and hit the clicker again causing him to jolt. “I’m your trainer...your teacher,if you will. You’re mine for a month. That’s a month of you doing as I say, going into combat with me, learning from me and my team, and all of those fun things,” you finish, leaning on the desk next to his.

“And if I don’t pass your little class?”

“That’s up to Fitzroy and his little gang of minions. After a month, you’re no longer my concern,” you shrug.

“And what makes you so good at all of this?”

“You’re straying again, Dear. I don’t like that,” you taunt before hitting the clicker again and turning, slowly making your way back to the desk.

“Would you knock that off?!”

“Only when you learn to fall in line, and its such a shame for you, cause I’ve got another 4 hours with ya, babe,” you smile sadistically at him.

“Oh, for fucks sake!”

“You know what I think the problem is, Lloyd? I think the problem is that you like to fuck.”

“What?”

“You like to fuck. In fact, you love to fuck, but you don’t love to get fucked.”

“What the hell does that have to do with anything?”

“Control, Sweetie. See, you love to fuck because you love being in control. Getting fucked means someone else is in control and you hate that.”

“Yeah? Well, what about you?”

“I love to fuck and get fucked. Both are very enjoyable if you do it right.”

“And I take it you’re gonna fuck me?”

“In ways you can’t even begin to imagine,” you smile darkly.

For the next 4 hours, Lloyd is your little pet.You zap him when he steps out of line, you get him to open up more about what exactly snapped in his brain that makes him act the way he does, and you get him to tell you exactly why he wants to be apart of the CIA.

“We’re gonna meet back here at 8am on Monday, so be ready to do some field work,” you sigh after checking the time.

“That’s it?” Lloyd groans, and you can tell he’s exhausted.

“I’ve got everything I need,” you smile at him.

“I barely said anything?”

“Trust me, you said more than enough,” you practically sing. “Enjoy your weekend!” you call over your shoulder before you exit the room.

When you step back into the hallway, Cahill, Fitzroy, and your Father are all standing there waiting.

“Hes got a 50/50 chance,” you shrug, handing his file back to your Father.

“Well, what the fuck does that mean?” Fitzroy scoffs.

“Exactly what the fuck it sounds like. He needs to be in control, but if pushed far enough, he can let someone else hold the reigns for a while.”

“Think you’ll be able to whip him into shape in a month?” Cahill asks, looking into the “classroom”.

“All depends on how bad he wants to be apart of your little team,” you smile sarcastically, before turning and walking away. “See you all on Monday!”

“What about Hansen?!” your Father calls after you.

“Send him home, send him to the bunks downstairs, do whatever you want. I’m officially off the clock. I don’t care!”

“Y/N!”

“See ya Monday, Father!” you respond, continuing on your way out.

The drive back to your house is probably the most simple drive you’ve ever had. Traffic is a breeze and you’re more ready than ever to kick off your weekend. You’re more than over all of the shit with your family’s business, and you just wanna forget who you are for the next two days.

“Hey, am I coming to get you, are you coming to get me, am I meeting you at your place, or are we just meeting up at the club?” Taj asks as you answer her call, making your way into your house.

“What works for you?”

“Uh oh, what’s wrong?”

“I told my dad I want out, again.”

“And?”

“He’s not happy about it.”

“I honestly can’t see how your Father is surprised that his daughter doesn’t want to take over a waste management company.”

“He’s a stubborn man,” you scoff, plopping down on your sofa.

“Well, you stood your ground, right?”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t matter. He’s gonna argue with me until my last day there,” you mutter, turning on the TV.

“I’ll come to you,” Taj beams and you chuckle. “Just relax and unwind for now, and we’ll get ready together. Sound like a plan?”

“You sure?”

“I’ll see you in 20,” she practically sings before hanging up.

You chuckle before tossing your phone to the side as your work phone starts going off.

‘I can’t wait to be done with this shit,’ you think to yourself before answering the call. “No,” is all you say before hanging up and tossing your phone to the side.

Yeah, the argument can be made that you’re being a brat, but at this point, that’s more on them than you. It’s part of the reason you want out. You never signed up to be an assassin, really. Your Father saw how good you were at it, and decided it was the life for you.

No, he didn’t ask, but it’s not like you ever really protested. There was no reason to. Your Mother was dead and you didn’t have much of a life. Why make a fuss if there was no reason for one? You and your Father had made peace with the issues between you two a long time ago, the main issue being your Mother, and you just kind of made your own way from there.

It wasn’t until you were 17 that you decided that you really didn’t want the life your Father had created for you. It’s cold, it’s lonely, it’s thankless, it’s dangerous, and there’s no fun in it.

No love.

When your work phone goes off again, you groan in frustration. “NO!” you yell when you answer it. “Whatever it is can wait until Monday!”

“Your Father-”

“I don’t care!” you snap, hating how much you sound like a petulant child. “Monday, you can all piss me off as much as you want. Until then, fuck off!”

You’re quick to hang up before throwing your phone down on your coffee table.

You just want to be free from all of it. Obviously, the life you live offers you luxuries that you know most jobs won’t, but it’s not worth it. None of it is worth it. Besides, you’ve made enough money to not have to worry about anything. You can comfortably sit on your ass for the rest of your life if you want, but you know you could never do that.

You love art, animals, plants, hiking, nature, cooking...you want to do something that has to do with the things you love.

You want to do something normal.

You sigh in frustration before getting up and heading to the kitchen, taking out a glass and pulling out your favorite bottle of whiskey.

It’s time to start pre-gaming.

You’re halfway through your second glass when your doorbell rings.

“Open up, bitch!” Taj yells and you stifle a laugh. “We’re getting DRUNK tonight!”

“My neighbors can hear you,” you laugh as you open the door.

“Then they should get drunk too!” she yells before wrapping you in a tight hug. “What’s going on, babe?”

“I’m just...I’m worn out,” you mumble as you two break apart and step aside to let her in. “It’s time for a change.”

“He gave you a hard time when you told him you’re leaving?”

“He wants to talk to me, made one of his employees call me, but I told them that whatever he has to say can wait till Monday.”

“I’m sorry you got stuck with the shittier parent,” she sighs, grabbing her own glass and pouring herself a drink.

“It’s not even that he’s shitty. He just doesn’t know how to be a parent. He never even wanted to be a parent. It’s never been lost on me that I was an accident. I don’t know...I know he loves me, but this is something we’re never gonna see eye to eye on. I can already tell that the closer we get to the end of the month, the uglier this whole thing is gonna get,” you sigh.

“Well, lets not worry about that right now,” she smiles at you as she takes your hand “we’ve got a girl’s night to get ready for.”

“It’s gonna be one for the books,” you smirk before grabbing your drink and dragging her up the stairs.

In almost no time at all, you find yourself almost completely forgetting about all of the things you’re stressed about. Taj blasts your “party night” playlist as you take a shower and wash the day off of you, letting yourself ignore that you’ve been lying to absolute best friend about what you’ve been doing for a living since you were 14 years old. It doesn’t matter that, on Monday, you have to go in and collect paperwork for the next mission you have to do, while train someone else to be the perfect little killer.

None of it matters because, for the weekend, you can pretend. You can pretend you’re normal and that you do have a normal job. You’ve got a normal Father and your Mother didn’t die because of his lack of care and consideration.

You can pretend you live a normal fucking life.

“Okay, you BAD FUCKING BITCH!” Taj yells, as you step out of the bathroom in your outfit for the nigh, and burst out into a fit of laughter.

You decide on a black cross halter top and mini plaid skirt, with knee high black boots.

“You just decided to choose violence tonight,” she smirks.

“I just want to feel young and carefree.”

“You are young and carefree.”

“Yeah, but I don’t feel it,” you mumble as Taj laughs.

“Don’t worry, tonight’s gonna be great,” she smiles, wrapping you in a tight hug.

As you hug her back, you let the rest of your fears and anxiety fall away. For the weekend, you’re able to just forget everything.

Lloyd’s P.O.V.

“She tortures you with electrics shocks?” Carmichael asks as we grab our drinks from the bar.

“That’s her being pleasant,” I scoff as we both make our way to the guard rail of the balcony. “She’s a piece of work, I’ll say that much.”

“It’s only for a month.”

“Fitzroy can fuck off. The only reason he sent me there is because he’s pissed that I made the right call.”

“Well, that and you did kill an innocent by stander.”

“It was bad enough that she was there. All her crying wasn’t helping a damn thing. It was boring and annoying,” I shrug before catching a glimpse of the last person I expected to see. “Well, what do we have a here? There’s my little Cupcake right there,” I smirk, watching you on the dance floor with someone I’m assuming and hoping is your friend.

“She’s the one whipping you into shape?”

“The bane of my existence.”

“Someone who looks like that, I would’ve guessed that you would want to be on your best behavior so that you can fuck ‘em.”

“Who says I’m not?” I question as I watch you sing along to whatever song is playing as you dance along by shaking your hips.

It was hard enough to ignore my cock twitching during your little evaluation, even with you zapping me to death, but now? That little outfit you have on as you dance and drink the night away? How the fuck am I supposed to contain myself?

The woman you are on that dance floor is completely different from the woman you are in training.

Fuck, I wanna take you right here and now.

Impulse Control.

“What are you thinking, Lloyd?” Denny chuckles before finishing off his drink.

“I’m thinking that, before the month is up, she’ll be under me and apologizing for being such a pain in the ass.”

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“I need a smoke,” you laugh as Taj orders you both another round of shots.

“You’re supposed to be quitting!”

“Yeah, that’s not happening tonight,” you laugh as you pull your pack of cigarettes out of your purse. “I’ll be back in a little!”

“Ya know, that guy up there has been staring at you for about 30 minutes now,” she says quickly, eyeing a guy in the balcony.

You can’t help but burst out laughing when you follow her gaze and see who’s at the other end of it. “Yeah, he probably wants to kill me.”

“Who is he?”

“Our new trainee. I was a little rough with him today and he’s probably a little hurt.”

“Well, he looks like he wants to steal you, so be careful when you go out there. Also, if you do survive, please send him my way.”

“I’ll put in a good word,” you laugh before making your way outside.

You take two drags from of your cigarette before you hear the door close behind you.

“You know, smoking isn’t an attractive trait.”

“You know, giving your unwanted opinion isn’t an attractive trait.”

“Y/N.”

“Lloyd,” you smile, turning to face him. “Looks like you’re doing fine.”

“No thanks to you.”

“Oh, I went easy on you. Trust me, I’ve done far worse, Sweetheart” you chuckle before taking a drag from your cigarette.

“That’s not hard for me to believe at all.”

“Lookin’ for a pretty little thing to lick your wounds clean?”

“Looking for you to lick my wounds clean.”

You look him over before chuckling to yourself and shaking your head. “My best friend is inside and looking for something to lick. Go talk to her.”

“She’s not who caught my eye.”

“I’m your superior, Hansen.”

“Only for the month,” he smirks.

“Enjoy the rest of your night,” you scoff before throwing your cigarette down and stepping on it.

“You’re thinking about it.”

“Never gonna fuckin’ happen.”

“Why not?”

“Because why should it?”

“Cause we both want to,” he smirks.

‘Work comes first’ you mentally tell yourself. You look him over and chuckle before shaking your head. “Go away, Lloyd.”

“What? Like you said I love to fuck and you love to be fucked.”

“Eh, I said I love both,” you shrug.

“Lets leave right now, go a few rounds, and find out who’s better, Doll Face” he smirks.

“On that note,” you laugh as you decide it’s very much time for you to go “you enjoy the rest of your night. I’ll see you Monday.”

“I’ll get you underneath me soon enough.”

“Have fun jerking off to the thought of that,” you laugh as you make your way back inside.

“Trust me, I will.”

The minute you’re back by Taj’s side, you’re ordering a drink.

“I can’t tell if that means it went bad or not,” she chuckles.

“I mean, he was very upfront about what he wanted.”

“Yet, you’re standing here with me?”

“Work comes first, Taj. You know how I am.”

“Yeah, but he’s gorgeous, even with that stupid mustache.”

“You’re more than welcome to go indulge for the night, but I’ll sit this one out,” you laugh before taking a sip of your drink, swaying your hips to the music. “Besides, I didn’t come out to get laid. I came out to get blackout drunk and dance. I have two days to forget about everything else before I have to jump into the shit show again.”

“If you’re this miserable, why not just quit on Monday?”

“Cause I at least owe him this. No, he was by no means the best Father, but he really did the best he could, and it’s not like he’s the worst Father. It’s all just fucking complicated,” you sigh.

“Well, with the way...?”

“Lloyd.”

“Lloyd is looking at you, I’m not about to make an attempt and get my fucking feelings hurt,” she laughs. “If drinking and dancing is what you wanna do, that’s exactly what we’re gonna do,” she smiles.

So, for the rest of the night, you two run up a tab and dance until either of you can barely stand. You feel Lloyd’s eyes on you the entire time, and it awakens something inside of you.

Yes, you want to start looking for someone to settle down with and start on that chapter of your life, but you’d be lying if you said you don’t wanna take the arrogant asshole for a ride. No, you’d never end up with a man like Lloyd. After spending just a few minutes with him, it’s very obvious how different you both are. Just in looks alone, you can tell that he’s very specific about everything from the way his hair is styled, to his shoes matching his socks. Whereas, with the exception of work, you really don’t put much effort into your outfit. Hell, the only reason you bothered to get dressed up tonight was because you wanted to. You had a desire to pretend and that was all.

Not to mention, he was a pretentious asshole, a bit whiny, spoiled, and very much a psycho. There’s no chance of you and him ending up together. That being said, he does look like the kind of man who will give you a filthy, mind blowing, life changing fuck, and fuck all if that’s not what you need. But still.

Work comes first.

“You get home safe, Doll Face” Lloyd smirks at you as a car service for you and Taj.

“You too, Hansen,” you giggle with a slur as you stumble into the car. “See ya Monday.”

“Maybe sooner than you think,” he calls as you close the door.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Taj scoffs.

“Who the fuck knows?” you giggle.

When you both finally arrive back at your house, you’re both quick to take off your shoes.

“I need water and sleep,” Taj laughs as she stumbles into your kitchen.

“Are you sleeping in my room or are you taking the spare.”

“Dude, I might just sleep on the fucking couch. I’m fuckin’ beat,” she laughs as your work phone buzzes. “Why the fuck is work texting you at this hour?”

“Who the fuck knows,” you grumble as you fish your phone out of your purse. “That’s funny, it’s Lloyd,” you scoff before opening the message. “Holy fuck,” you gasp with a slight moan.

‘That arrogant son of a bitch,’ you think to yourself as you watch the video he sent you of himself jerking off.

“Once again, why are not underneath him?” Taj asks, unable to look away from the video herself.

“He’s a child.”

“Not by the looks of this video,” she laughs.

“Taj.”

“I’m just saying, a little fun never hurt anyone. As for where I’ll be sleeping, it definitely won’t be in the bed with you,” she chuckles before plopping down on the sofa.

When your phone buzzes again, you’re both nervous and desperate to answer it.

Lloyd Hansen: Just some food for thought.

Y/N: You can’t send texts like that to this phone, Lloyd.

Lloyd Hansen: Then give me the number to your personal phone.

Y/N: How much have you had tonight?

Lloyd Hansen: You know you want to.

Y/N: Go to bed, Hansen.

Lloyd Hansen: Come over here and get in it with me, Cupcake.

Y/N: Hansen.

Lloyd Hansen: You’ll cave. They always cave.

Y/N: Goodnight, Hansen

Lloyd Hansen: You enjoy yourself tonight. I know I will.

“A spoiled little brat,” you mutter as you throw your phone back into your purse.

“With a cock like that, he can be as spoiled as he wants,” Taj yawns as she turns on the TV.

“You go to sleep,” you laugh as you slowly start to make your way upstairs, walking not exactly your strong point at the moment.

“You two, babe. After you scratch that itch,” she teases.

“Oh fuck off,” you scoff as you make your way upstairs.

You’re ashamed at how quickly you pull out your vibrator as soon as you get in bed. It’s not like anyone needs to know that you’re gonna get off to that video multiple times, and you’re sure as shit not gonna tell him about it. Besides, if anything, you’re helping yourself not give in to what you want. You’ve been doing your job for basically your entire life, and besides few minor hiccups, you’ve never fucked up extremely bad.

As far as you’re concerned, fucking Lloyd Hansen would be a major fuck up.

After getting yourself off for the 4th time, you decide it’s time to call it a night, and that you’re done with any sexual ideas involving Lloyd Hansen. He’s just your last student and at the end of the month, you’re done with him and the current life you live.

When you wake up the next day, you’ve got a handful of texts on both your personal and private phone. You groan in frustration, opting to answer your go through your personal phone first.

Taj text you to let you know she got home safe and she’d text you later, they’re a few texts letting you know that your packages you ordered a week ago finally arrived, and your Father reminding you that you have dinner plans tonight.

Your work phone consists of texts containing information about your next job, the weapons and technology you’ll be using, texts from Lloyd.

Lloyd Hansen: Rise and shine, Doll Face. Hope you enjoyed your special video last night. Let me know when you want another, or when you want to make one together.

You groan in frustration as you roll over. Damn him for being able to read you like a book. Yeah, you can tell him to stop, but you don’t want him to. It’s been a while since you’ve fucked someone, and even longer since someone has been desperate to fuck you. Part of that is your fault though. After you last failed relationship, which turned out to be a setup anyway, you zeroed in on work. You decided that relationships can wait, but you only made that choice because you didn’t want to get burned again.

You were afraid.

Now, Lloyd is making it very clear how much he wants to satisfy you, and you want to give in so bad. You want to be rough handled, you want to be degraded, and you don’t want to be in control. God, you’re so fucking tired of being in control of everything all the time.You just want a release and you know Lloyd will give that you. Why? Because he loves being in control. You watched him contain himself every time you sent a bolt of electricity through his body, and in all honesty, it made you want him that much more. It made you want him because you knew that as soon as he got his hands on you, he’d tear you apart. He’d show you who was really in charge and that’s really all you want.

You want to be someone’s sex pet before you’re anyone’s wife. However: Lloyd is off limits.

By the time you’re at your Father’s house, your head is spinning.

“You’re not focused,” he mumbles as he stirs the sauce and you can tell he’s annoyed.

“I just have a lot on my mind,” you mumble before taking a sip of wine. “Besides, I’m not working, so why is it a big deal?”

“Because I’m trying to have a conversation with you.”

“No, you’re trying to talk me into staying, and I don’t wanna have that conversation.”

“Honey-”

“No Father, I don’t want to do this anymore. You didn’t give me a chance to figure out what I want! You just pushed this on to me and said it was the best fucking choice!”

“You’re good at what you do-”

“That doesn’t mean I want to do it!”

“Y/N, I’m just trying to keep you close so I can protect you.”

“Yeah? Like you protected Mom?” you bite.

“Watch it.”

“No.”

“Y/N-”

“You decided that she didn’t matter and with her out of the picture, it was easier for you to pull the strings and control me!”

“Jesus Y/N, I couldn’t have saved your Mother even if I had wanted to!”he finally snaps as he throws sauce spoon down. “You swear you know every fucking thing and that I’m some heartless monster, but you don’t know shit! I had no choice but to leave her there! It was either you or her, and I chose you! The look in your Mother’s eyes let me know that she wanted me to choose you! You were only 7! You think I was gonna let my only child get killed?!”

“It’s not like you even wanted me!”

“You’re right, I didn’t. I never fucking wanted kids, and now that you’ve lived this life long enough, you can see why! However, the day you were born...it changed everything. I wasn’t even gonna fucking show up, but your Mother was dead set on having you and I wasn’t about to be some fucking deadbeat. You were ultimately my mistake, and I wasn’t about to just bail on you or your Mother. When she had you...when I got to hold you...you didn’t cry, you just smiled and grabbed my finger. You were so fucking happy and how the fuck was I supposed to just walk away? How was I supposed to not give a fuck? You are the first and only thing I’ve done that’s been right, Y/N,” he sighs. “I’m not a fucking moron, Y/N. I know this isn’t the ideal life, I know that forcing you into this as a fucking child was fucked up, and I know it was unfair, but I fucking tried! You think I’m against you having a normal life because I don’t want that for you? I’m your Father! Of course I want that for you! But you’re not built for that! Plus, I can’t keep you close! I can’t keep you safe!”

“Father-”

“No Y/N, you’re the only thing in this life that I’ve ever given a fuck about. I’m not a warm man, I’m not a kind man, and I’m sure as shit not a good man. I kill people for a living and I’m so fucking good at it, that they released me from prison to help out the government when they need it. I know the man I am and the life I live, but you are my child and I love you. So yes, I do want to keep you as close to me as possible. I know I’m not the parent you would have chosen, but I’m the parent you have and I’m fucking doing my best. Whether you believe me or not, I’m doing my fucking best,” he mutters as he wipes away a few tears.

In this moment you feel so incredibly small.

“I can’t keep living this life, Father. I can’t keep living this lie.”

“It’s not like you want for anything!”

“I want simplicity! I want to be normal! Every fucking time I hangout with Taj, I fucking lie to her! Do you know how much I hate that!? Yeah, it’s great that financially stable, but there’s more to life than that! I want to get married, I want the house with the white picket fence, I want kids! I want a normal life! The only thing I’ve ever wanted is a normal life!”

“Honey-”

“I turn 26 in two weeks! I’ve given my life to this job! Yay, I’m fucking good at killing people, but I don’t want to be! You’ve had me kill parents, kids, fucking elderly people, government officials, and so on! Do you know how much I hate myself? How much I hate the fact that I hate that I’m so good at this?! Other kids were playing in the fucking park, meanwhile, I’m at fucking target practice! No child wants that! I wanted rules, restrictions, to be grounded! I wanted to be normal!” you yell, tears streaming down your face.

“I can’t change your mind, can I?”

“Have you ever been able to?” you question softly.

“You have to follow the same procedure as everyone else. If you haven’t filed your papers in the appropriate time frame-”

“I know, I have to do another month so all the paper work can go through,” you mutter.

Dinner is awkward and silent. Neither of you says a word to the other, not even about the mission, but you know you’ll feel bad if you just leave him there. You both get through and set up another dinner date for next Saturday.

By the time you get home, you’re a wreck and you just want to hide in a hole forever. You’re over everything, and you know that you really don’t have much fight left in you. One more fight with Father and you’ll cave.

Just like you always do.

You decide to let your depression win and order a large extra, extra cheese pizza from your favorite pizza spot, before deciding that your night will end with you drunk.

You’re on your third glass of wine and second box of tissues when the doorbell rings.

“You’re not the pizza guy,” you sniffle when you open the door and find Lloyd standing there with a folder full of papers.

“Are you okay?” he asks as you step aside to let him in.

“Fan-fucking-tastic,” you grumble, closing the door once he steps inside. “What are you doing here?”

“Your Father wants you to look over these files for Monday’s mission.”

“Why the fuck did he send you?”

“He said you wouldn’t take the files if he showed up with the paper work, and that it would be best for me go over them with you since we’ll be working together.”

“He’s not wrong,” you scoff, before finishing off your glass of wine and pouring yourself another glass. “Any specific instructions?”

“He said you’ll know how to handle it and he’s not worried.”

“How fucking kind,” you mutter as someone rings the doorbell. “Finally.”

You’re quick to grab the pizza and give a tip before making your way into the kitchen and grabbing a plate.

“You want a slice?” you ask Lloyd as you sloppily place two slices on your plate.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks as he looks you over.

You can’t really blame him for wondering. You’re in your worn, extra large Oxford crewneck, short shorts, and your hair is in a messy bun, and you’ve got red eyes from crying so much. You’re half passed tipsy and about to indulge in food you shouldn’t, all for the sake of comfort and false stability.

“I’m fine, Lloyd. Just another fucking Saturday. Do you want a slice or not?”

“Sure,” he mutters as he takes a seat at your kitchen isle. “I take it now is not a good time for me to ask you how much you enjoyed that video.”

“You would be very correct, Hansen. Very correct,” you mutter as you put a slice on a plate for him before trading the papers for the plate. “Oh, for fucks sake,” you mutter as you look over the first page.

“Something wrong?”

“For me? Yes, something is very wrong. Jesus, I hate this fucking job.”

“What do we have to do?”

“Kill an innocent woman to get to her snake of a husband. He’s apparently taken some very important files from people he shouldn’t have and now, he’s in the fucking wind,” you sigh as you continue to go over the paperwork. “Of course there’s a fucking child involved. Well, at least she has cancer. From the looks of this, she doesn’t have much longer to live.”

“That’s good?”

“It’s very good,” you mumble before taking a bite of your pizza. “Me killing this woman will be doing her a kindness. Her kid doesn’t have much time left and we’re going to kill her husband. Us keeping her alive would only give her time to plan her own suicide.”

“Is that what you tell yourself every time?”

“Every job is different, Lloyd. Some are easier than others, just like some are harder than others. However, this is pretty black and white. They’ll all be together again before the end of the month, so just leaving her alive while her husband and daughter are dead...it’s better this way.”

“People get what they deserve-”

“They clearly don’t, because this woman has done nothing to deserve this.”

“I don’t know how the hell you’re so good at this job being as emotional as you are.”

“Because, Hansen, it’s all about drawing a fine line, which is one of your main problems.”

“It’s a heartless job and I’m a heartless man,” he shrugs, taking a bite of pizza.

“No Lloyd, the rule is to be heartless, but only when you have to be!” you snap, annoyed with his coldness. “Anything else is just bullshit and you know it.”

“Ya know, if you hate this job so much, you can always quit,” he sighs, rolling his eyes.

“End of the month. You’re my final student,” you smile before taking another bite of your pizza.

“Yet, you still won’t fuck me.”

“Until I sign on the dotted line, the job comes first. Always has and always will.”

“I can still be your good little boy if we fuck.”

“Yeah, something like that doesn’t sound accurate,” you scoff, reaching for your glass of wine. “You barely passed my assessment,” you chuckle as your personal phone rings. “Hello my love!”

“I wanna hangout tonight,” Taj whines and you laugh.

“I can’t hangout this weekend. I’ve got work shit to do,” you sigh, looking over more paperwork.

“I thought you had weekends off?”

“Sometimes. I can only throw my bratty weight around so much.”

“How was dinner with your Father?”

“Well, I came home and cried and am slowly downing a bottle of wine, while eating a large pizza with extra, extra cheese. Soooo yeah.”

“What did he do this time?”

“It’s not even on him this time. It’s me and my shit, and he rightfully put me in my place about some shit. I don’t know, I gotta sort my shit out. I’m honestly too old,” you chuckle humorlessly, watching Lloyd as he gets up and grabs his own wine glass and pours some for himself.

“That’s why you should come out tonight!” Taj practically sings into the phone.

“I can’t,” you laugh, looking over the weapons detail list.

“You’re so responsible now. You were so much for fun in college.”

“I was so much more fun in college. My rebellious years.”

“The boys.”

“The body shots.”

“The jello shots.”

“The late night adventures.”

“And now look at us, one whore and one responsible adult.”

“We did graduate with honors though.”

“Oh how we sparkled,” she sighs and you giggle. “I’ll let you get back to it, I guess.”

“Oh, don’t go sounding all depressed and making me feel bad.”

“Well, I am depressed and you should feel bad.”

“I promise to be more irresponsible after I quit.”

“Like...pregnancy scare irresponsible?”

“Well, lets not take it that far.”

“I love you,” she laughs.

“I love you and I’ll text you later,” you smile before hanging up. You look up from the paperwork in front of you to see Lloyd drinking from his glass while eyeing you mischievously. “Shut up and sit down, we’ve got work to do,” you snap.

For the next two hours, you and Lloyd strategize and come up with a plan. A majority of the time you were telling Lloyd that he was going off the deep end, and he said that you weren’t being harsh enough.

“How about this,” you sigh, opening up another bottle of wine “I’ll take care of the woman and you take care of her husband.”

“I can handle the woman.”

“I can already tell from this conversation that I’m gonna fail you, and then you really won’t like me.”

“Yeah, because you’re so cuddly and sweet now,” he scowls, taking the bottle out of your hand and pouring himself a glass.

“Asshole.”

“I can’t wait to be in yours, Doll Face,” he smirks as he pours you a glass.

You open your mouth to say something, but decide that being a smart ass isn’t currently in your best interest because of how badly you actually do wanna fuck him. You roll your eyes before getting up and making your way into your basement.

“You coming?” you call once you reach the bottom.

“Well, it’s not like you gave clear instruction,” he snaps, as you hear him quickly coming down the steps.

“Yeah well, you’re such a smart ass, I figured you’d put two and two together,” you mumble grabbing two brief cases. “These are yours for this mission. Depending on how you do will determine what you can use for the next one,” you state, handing them to him.

“What is it?”

“If you open them up, you’ll be able to find out.”

“Ya know that smart little mouth would look amazing wrapped around my cock.”

“Shame you’ll never get to experience it,” you state firmly, meeting his heated gaze.

“Ya know,” he starts, throwing the cases down, “I know just how bad you wanna fuck me.”

“What gives you that impression?”

“I saw the way you were dancing last night, especially after our little talk,” he practically growls, moving closer to you.

“I just like to play with fire,” you shrug, standing your ground.

“I could just take you right here and now-”

“Careful Sweetheart, you’re supposed to be working on that impulse control of yours, or lack thereof.”

“I think I’m doing pretty fucking good seeing as I didn’t bend you over and fuck you on that little desk of yours after the first time you zapped me.”

The look in his eyes tells you just how much he’s restraining himself, and it makes you all that much more excited. You love that he’s not getting his way and you can tell that he didn’t think he’d have to put in this much work. Not giving in is both heaven and hell for you.

“Sometimes, you just can’t get your way, Honey,” you smirk, taking a step closer to him.

“I don’t like not getting what I want, Doll Face,” he growls.

“Get used to it.”

You both stand there, breathing heavy, not breaking the gaze you both have on each other.

All he has to do is touch you and you’ll have an orgasm on the spot.

“Now, be a good little boy, finish your wine, take the weapons home, and prep yourself for Monday.”

“And if I don’t?”

“Punishments are something I’m very good at,” you promise darkly, and you can see his fists tighten out of the corner of your eye.

“I’ll let you get away with this shit for another week-”

“Let me? Oh Honey,” you chuckle “sooner or later, you’re gonna figure it out: you’re not running the show.”

Lloyd’s pupils are fully lust blown and you’re not sure how much longer you can keep up this act. All you want is for him to throw you down and show you who’s really in control.

But work comes first.

“I’ll see you on Monday,” he growls before picking up the cases and storming out.

You hear him stop upstairs and you can only imagine that he’s finishing the wine, before you hear his footsteps again and then your front door open and slam shut.

You let out a breath you weren’t aware that you’d been holding and scrap your plans for the rest of the night. Instead of coming up with a fight plan, you spend the rest of your night in bed, fucking yourself with a vibrator, moaning Lloyd’s name every time you got yourself off. Of course the thought of just going out and getting fucked crosses your mind, but something tells you that it won’t be anywhere near as satisfying as getting your back blown out by Lloyd.

Lust is truly an annoying thing.

When you wake up the next day, you tell yourself that all of your energy and concentration is gonna go to the mission. You don’t have time for hooking up or Lloyd and his bullshit. One wrong move and everything could go to shit.

However, you’d be lying if you said that you’ve never had better aim.

“You sound exhausted,” Taj says as you settle down on the sofa.

“I am. Being me is exhausting.”

“Yeah? Why is that?”

“Because I’m a fucking idiot, Taj. A big fucking idiot.”

“Uh oh,” she sighs into the phone “what happened?”

“I’m just fucking annoying. I get in my own fucking way all the time.”

“Lloyd, your dad, or work?”

“It’s all the same at this point. I have a fucking headache,” you groan.

“Babe, you’re a grown ass woman. If you wanna sleep with Lloyd, sleep with him. Hell, I wanna sleep with him. Yeah, work comes first and all your other bullshit rules, but you’re not even gonna be there after the end of the month. Have fun and everyone else can go suck a toe. As for your Father, I love you, but he’s a piece of shit. I don’t know what the fuck happened at dinner yesterday, but he can fuck off. Him making a few points doesn’t make up for a fucked childhood and adult life. He doesn’t get to throw his weight around now because he wants you to be nicer to him. Sorry, that’s not how this works. When it comes to your job, FUCK YOUR JOB, BRO!” she yells, causing you to burst out laughing. “You’ve been so miserable since you’ve been working there and it’s not fucking worth it. Especially with you about to quit. I love you to death, but you’ve gotta stop living to make your Father happy. Do what you want. .Who you want. It’s your life and you can only live for you, babe.”

“What would I do without you?”

“Be pretty fucking miserable, I assume,” she chuckles. “How’s your week looking?”

“Busy as fuck. I think I’m gonna have to travel.”

“I never knew waste management involved so much traveling.”

“Conventions and health shit,” you murmur, hating have to lie to her again. “We can do something when I get back.”

“I suppose so. Do you know how long you’ll be gone for this time?”

“No, and I hate that.”

“Why can’t your dad go?”

“He’s delegating.”

“He’s being a lazy piece of shit,” she scoffs and you laugh.

“I gotta go though. Early day tomorrow.”

“Alright babe, I love ya.”

“I love ya back,” you smile before hanging up.

As you fall asleep that night, Taj’s words roll around, and you start to toy around with the idea of breaking your rules.

Just once.

**

“I told you, I don’t know anything!” the woman sobs hysterically as you tighten the clamps around her waist.

You’ve always had a thing for Medieval torture.

“Oh Sweetie, I know that’s what you’re saying, but I’m afraid I know that’s a pile of shit,” you coo softly, gently wiping away her tears. “I know you wanna help your daughter and he’s the one bringing in the money. I understand, but the problem is: stealing is wrong. Your husband stole files from some very important people and they very much want them back. So,” you sigh as you turn the crank and tighten the clamps even more as she screams “we’re gonna have to keep this up until you decide that you do know where he is.”

You can feel Lloyd’s eyes on you intently, and you don’t even need to look at him to know that he’s getting off on all of this.

Sick fuck.

“H-he’s in Bangkok!” she cries out. “He’s been hiding there for two weeks!”

“See?! I knew you’d be able to help us!” you smile sweetly. “Now, where in Bangkok is he?”

Her silence has you shaking your head in disapproval.

“I thought we were past this part, Love,” you sigh as you turn the crank and tighten the clamps around her head, drawing blood.

“Please!”

“Where in Bangkok is he?” you question softly, as her phone starts to go off. “Well, speak of the devil! Now, you’re gonna answer him and talk to him like everything is normal. No talking in code, crying, or giving any signs that something’s wrong, cause I’ll know and it’ll really piss me off, and we don’t want that do we?”

“N-no,” the woman sobs out, trying to compose herself.

“That’s a good girl, Love,” you smile, before softly kissing her forehead. “Now answer him and put it on speaker,” you demand gently, before walking over to the table and sitting on it, legs crossed.

“Hey honey,” she says in the most normal voice she can muster.

“What’s wrong Elizabeth? Is everything okay?” the man asks, and the woman looks over to you.

All you do is nod and smile reassuringly.

“Everything is fine, Richard. Just getting back from a difficult hospital trip,” she lies confidently.

‘Good girl,’ you mouth with a warm smile.

“I’ll be able to come home soon, Honey. I’m flying to London tonight and I meet the buyer tomorrow. After that, I can come home and we can pay for that operation for Liza,” he promises and you can hear the hopefulness in his voice.

You mask it well, but this whole situation is breaking your heart. You hate this fucking job.

‘Ask him where he’ll be,’ you mouth crossing your arms.

“In case there’s an emergency, where do I call if I can’t reach you on your cell?”

“The London Elizabeth Hotel, I’ll send you the details soon. I have to go though, Lizzie. I love you.”

“I love you too, Richard,” she responds softly, doing her best not to cry before hanging up.

“You did amazing,” you praise softly.

“Just tell me whether Liza-”

“No one’s gonna do a thing to your daughter, I promise,” you tell her wholeheartedly. “Now, I’m gonna need that information he’s sending you.”

“Please-”

“Elizabeth, I like you, I really do. I feel for you and I know that you’re trying to be a good wife and Mother, but if you drag this out anymore, you’re just gonna make it harder on yourself,” you promise as you tighten the clamps around her head.

She practically drops the phone in your hand as she cries out in pain.

“Good girl,” you smile sweetly. You make your way over to the table and grab your pistol off the table and quickly screw on the silencer. You make your way back over to her and stroke face softly, ignoring the pain you feel over what you’re about to do. “I promise, no one will lay a hand on your daughter.” you tell her gently.

Before she has a chance to respond, you enter two bullets into her head.

“Clean all of this shit up,” you sigh, turning to your mercenaries. “Get it done fast and get her out of here. You and I need to get back to headquarters now,” you mutter, looking at Lloyd before grabbing your things and quickly heading out.

The car ride is silent and you can tell that Lloyd wants to ask why you’re so upset, but the stone look on your face has him second guessing that choice. By the time you’re back at headquarters, you don’t even knock before storming into your Father’s office.

“Y/N.”

“He’s flying to London tonight so he can meet the buyer tomorrow,” you scowl as you sit in one of the chairs in front of his desk.

He lets out a heavy sigh before meeting your angry gaze. “I know you’re angry with-”

“I’m not having this fucking talk with you, just tell me how you want us to approach this,” you snap bitterly.

“Y/N-”

“Do not,” you warn. “Tell us how you want to approach this.”

“You can’t-”

He’s cut off by you pulling out your gun and firing two shots into the ceiling. “That’s your final warning. Now, how do you want us to handle this?!”

He lets out a frustrated sigh because he knows he’s not gonna get much farther.

“Put a team together and you two go to London tonight. I want you staying at the same hotel as him, and I want eyes on him the whole time. No one does anything until he’s with the buyers. I want it done quickly, quietly, and neatly. You get in and you get out. Am I clear?”

“Crystal,” you mutter before getting up.

“The girl will be dead before the end of the month anyway!” your Father snaps and you lose the little bit of composure you have left.

“Is that what you told yourself about Mom when you forced me to leave her for dead?! She was sick anyway, so what’s the point?!” you yell.

Your Father’s gaze goes from you to Lloyd and you scoff.

“Don’t get all fuckin’ shy on me now! I didn’t even wanna have this talk, but as per usual, you need me to not think the worst of you!”

“Y/N-”

“There was no reason to send me in there of all fucking people! You could’ve done that fucking job yourself then sent me to London! You knew how I’d feel and you made me fucking do it anyway! You love to twist the knife then play innocent. You are such a piece of shit!”

“You know I don’t mean-”

“Oh SHUT UP! I don’t wanna hear anything you have to say! Just send me the information I need and I’ll see you when we get back,” you scowl before storming out, Lloyd at your heels.

“What do you-”

“Pack your shit, meet me at my house, and we’ll go to the plane from there,” you snap as you get into your car and slam the door shut.

You cry almost the entire drive home. You’re quick to pack your things, ignoring your phone as it continues to go off, in no mood to hear anything your Father has to say. You feel slightly bad for snapping at Lloyd, but at the same time, maybe he’ll be scared enough to back off for a while, because that’s what you need more than anything.

When you hear the knock on your door, you scowl before rushing downstairs.

“I’ll be ready in a minute,” you sigh as you let Lloyd in. “Have a seat on the sofa or something.”

You’re quick to go back upstairs to your room and resume your search for your Mother’s necklace. You never travel without it, and it’s been so damn long that don’t remember where you put it.

“For fucks sake!” you snap, pushing everything off your dresser and starting to cry, again.

You really don’t have time for a breakdown right now.

“Something wrong, Doll Face?” Lloyd asks, making his way into your bedroom.

“Nothing,” you mutter, wiping your eyes. “I’ve misplaced something and I’m annoyed about it. I never travel without it.”

“Well, what does it look like?”

“I can find it on my own.”

“It’ll go faster if we look together, and then your Father will stop calling me.”

“It’s a necklace. A silver chain with a silver heart locket on it,” you sniffle out, looking over the things you knocked over as you wipe your eyes.

“A silver heart locket necklace. Got it,” he says softly as he starts looking around your room.

You’re not exactly comfortable with him looking around your room, but you both do need to be leaving soon, and you’re probably not going to find it in your current state.

You both search in silence for a few minutes before he calls your name from your closet.

“Is this it?” he asks, holding up a silver chain with a heart locket on it.

You’re quick to grab it from him and put it on. “Thank you,” you all but whisper. “We can go.”

You quickly grab your bags off of the bed before both of you rush downstairs, Lloyd grabbing his bags as you two go, and you both get in your car and drive off in silence. It’s not like you mean to have an attitude with Lloyd, but you’re just over the mission and wanna be done with it.

You want to be done with the life you currently lead.

“Ya know, if it helps at all, I don’t like your Father either,” Lloyd shrugs and a small smile comes to your face.

“Most people don’t.”

“You shooting off your gun to silence him? The sexiest thing I’ve seen you do yet, Doll Face,” he smirks and you can’t stop yourself from laughing.

“Shut up, Hansen,” you smirk, feeling a bit better.

When you arrive at the pick up station, you ignore your Father almost completely, only acknowledging him when you snatched the files from his hand.

“Alright, listen up everyone!” you announce once the plane finally takes off. “Lloyd Hansen is in charge of this mission. Now-”

“What?” one of your mercenaries asks before thinking.

The glare you shoot him has him cowering in fear and you know it’s an accident he won’t make again.

“Now, he’s put a strategy together, it’s been given to each of you in the folders given to you upon boarding. Learn it. Memorize it. If you have any questions, he’s the one you ask. All the respect you show me, show him. If you don’t...well, you all know how good I am at punishments,” you smile sweetly before taking a seat. “Lloyd, if you have anything to say, the floor is yours.”

The look Lloyd gives you lets you know that you’ve given him a full on boner and just chuckle and shake your head.

Men.

As Lloyd gives his speech, you zone out and stare out the window. Fiddling with the locket, wishing that God would’ve left your Mother and taken your Father instead. You’re never able to make heads or tails of him, and that’s always been a huge issue for you. You know that when you leave the business, it’s only going to put more of a strain on the relationship you two have.

However, your thoughts have you feeling guilty, because you know that he does love you. He’s just an asshole who’s terrible with showing emotions. No, he wasn’t the type of Father that showed up to soccer games, or showed you how to ride a bike (you had a Nanny for things like that), but he was very protective over you. One day, you came home from school with a busted lip, because Ryan Baxter fancied himself a prankster. Your Father was understandably upset and wanted to know what happened. When he took you to the school the next day, he made you point the kid out, then proceeded to bust his lip and give him a black eye.

Poor Ryan was only 12, but he never bothered you again after that.

“Did you hear any of what I just said, Doll Face?” Lloyd questions lazily, taking a seat across from you, one chair over.

“Yes, I was listening. It helps that I record everything, so no worries, I’ll be able to go over everything repeatedly,” you smile sarcastically, forcing your gaze on him, still toying with your locket.

Lloyd looks you over and you roll your eyes.

“What?”

“I’m just trying to figure you out,” he scoffs.

“Well, I’ve known me for 25 years and still can’t figure that out. You have fun though,” you smirk, as you take the glass of red wine that’s been brought over to you.

“Anything for you, Mr. Hansen?” the stewardess asks sweetly.

“A few things, Sweetheart. I’ll take a glass of bourbon for now though,” he smiles coyly as the stewardess giggles before walking off.

“You work quick,” you chuckle before shaking your head and taking a sip of your drink.

“Jealous?”

“Of...? A spoiled little brat who’s desperate to stick his dick into anything? Or the fucking stewardess?”

“Oh, someone’s real jealous.”

“Lloyd, I’ve known you for all of 2 days and your file, while impressive, is 100% accurate. You have absolutely zero impulse control, no regard for authority at all, you are very much pig headed-”

“There’s a difference between confidence and pig headedness, Doll Face,” he corrects as the stewardess brings him his drink. “Thank you, Sweetheart,” he smiles as he looks her over. “I’ll have something for you later.”

The stewardess bites her bottom lip before looking to you, nodding, and quickly walking away. You just roll your eyes as you open up the file in front of you.

“You don’t like me, do you?” he questions with a devilish grin.

“I don’t have to like you, I just have to train you.”

“To be your good little pet.”

“To be the government’s good little pet.”

“You can teach me your favorite tricks,” he whispers in a seductive tone, and you hate the arousal that starts building between your legs. “How many times did you watch it?”

“Who says I did?”

“You gave yourself away in your basement, Doll Face. Deny it all you want, and hate me all you want, you wanna fuck me just as badly as I wanna fuck you.”

“I don’t reward employees for being winy little brats.”

“Then get me on my knees and make me work for your forgiveness.”

Somewhere, in the back of your mind, you know you’ll end up under Lloyd Hansen before you both get back to the states.

“You have work to do,” you mutter coolly.

“I’m looking right at,” he smirks.

“Um, Ms. Y/L/N, your Father is on the phone for you,” of your mercenaries tells you timidly.

“Tell him I’ll call him back,” you snap, not breaking eye contact with Lloyd.

“He says it’s urgent.”

You scowl before taking the phone. “Both of you, make yourselves busy and gone,” you demand.

Lloyd smirks knowing he has you right where he wants you, before grabbing his drink and some folders and making his way to another seat.

“What?” you hiss when you finally answer the phone.

“I want you to keep a close eye on, Hansen,” your Father sighs, and you can tell hes grown tired of your attitude.

“Not shit, Sherlock.”

“I mean it, Y/N. If you feel like he’s getting too out of control, step in and shut it down.”

“Don’t tell me how to do my job.”

“Y/N-”

“No, I don’t care if they’re giving you a hard job. This is my job. I always give you the best results, because I know what the fuck I’m doing. Don’t tell me to change it up now because the CIA is up your ass. I don’t work for them!”

“Technically, right now, we do.”

“They came to us for help, not the other way around. They don’t like my methods, they can go to someone else.”

Your Father sighs in defeat. “Y/N-”

“I’m over arguing with you today. Leave me alone to do my job my way.”

“Fine, one more thing.”

“What?”

“Do not sleep with him.”

“Excuse me?” you laugh incredulously.

“He’s got a reputation for a few things and I do not want him with you. He’s too out of control and a scumbag.”

“I can’t believe...whatever I choose to do with my time is my business. This is definitely not a talk we’ll be having ever again. Now, if you’re done trying to throw your weight around where it doesn’t fucking belong, I have to go,” you snap before harshly hanging up.

Whatever resolve you were hanging on to about not sleeping with Lloyd just went out the window.

You throw the phone down in the seat across from you, before getting up and making your way into the bathroom. The last thing you feel like doing is babysitting Lloyd and killing a bunch of people. You keep promising yourself that you’ll take a much needed vacation at the end of the month, but the thought of pushing that up seems more and more appealing by the second.

‘Just get through the mission,’ you tell yourself mentally.

For the rest of the flight, you listen to music, avoid Lloyd (who eventually does take that stewardess to the bathroom and does nothing to hide what it is they’re doing in there), go over the mission, and go through a bottle and a half of wine.

By the time the plane lands, you’re ready to settle under the covers and relieve your stress.

“When we get to the hotel, I want eyes and ears all over the damn place. If he takes a shit, I want know about it,” Lloyd warns, his voice low and dangerous.

‘Is there anything this man can do that won’t make your pussy wet as fuck?’ you chide yourself mentally.

“There’s more than enough time, so please believe that heads will roll if this shit isn’t done quickly and properly,” he promises ominously before making his way to the van.

By the time you arrive at the hotel, you’re in desperate need of some alone time.

“Ah yes, you, Mr. Hansen, and Mr. Fields will be in our suite on the top floor,” the concierge smiles at you as you check in.

“Who the hell is Mr. Fields?” you groan, now understanding the reason for your Father telling you not to sleep with Lloyd.

“Um, that would be me,” the IT guy says softly.

“Whatever, I’m tired and if I have one more argument, I’m gonna lose my shit,” you mutter. “Sorry for the confusion and thank you,” you smile softly at the concierge, before taking all the room keys and handing them out.

It makes sense that your Father had put everyone 2 to a room, and unfortunately, it makes sense that he put Lloyd in a room with you.

Lloyd is your pet until the end of the month after all.

However, a fucking heads up would’ve been nice.

“Do you need me for anything?” you ask Lloyd once all of you make it to the suite.

“No, Doll Face. You go...unwind,” he smirks towards you.

Fucking prick.

Nonetheless, you throw your things down on one of the beds, before grabbing a wine opener and one of the bottles of wine left out for all of you, and making your way into the bathroom.

It’s not like you have to work tonight.

As steam fills the bathroom, you open the bottle before slowly starting to undress, closing your eyes and letting yourself get lost in the feeling of being numb.

It’s not enough that you’re in a forever war with your Father about literally everything in life, hate your job, miss Mother, and have to lie to your best fucking friend in the world. Lloyd Hansen hasn’t even been in your life a full fucking week, and yet he’s somehow flipped your world on its head. All over lust. Are you really that desperate? Is he really that attractive? Are you craving a release that much?

As these questions and a million more run through your head, you take a sip from the bottle before stepping into the shower. Yes, you know that you need to be sharp for the mission, that’s not lost on you at all, but a little buzz has never hurt you in the past. You’ve been trained to always be ready for anything, and that’s not going to change now.

Even if all you want is for the world to swallow you whole.

You stand under the water and let it wash away all of the pain and sadness, anger and frustration, and secrets and all of the lies. You let yourself pretend that, just for a moment, you’re on a normal business trip. All the orders and demands you hear from the other side of the door? Well, lets just pretend those are coming from the floor below you.

You take your time lathering up, as well as washing off, your favorite soap; smiling when the scent of peonies fills your nostrils. Yes, in the shower, you can live in a land of make believe and happiness, but you know it can’t last forever.

As you turn off the water, you let out a heavy sigh being brought back so quickly to reality. This won’t be your last mission before your time in the business is up, and you’re more than sure your Father is going to put you up to even harder tasks just to prove a point.

You’re supposed to be a killer; nothing more and nothing less.

You wrap the insanely comfortable towel around your body before grabbing your personal phone; texting the only person in your life who ever makes any real sense.

Y/N: Lets go out when I get back.

 Oxford Princess: You’ve left already? Well shit lol. And yeah, sure! Anywhere in particular? And it’s late as shit by the way.

Y/N: Yeah, sorry about that, just can’t sleep. I wanna go somewhere that’s loud and I can dance.

Oxford Princess: As much as I love you being a clubber girl, are you sure you’re good?

Y/N: No, but I’m over talking about it, and I’m way over thinking about it.

Oxford Princess: You’re almost out of there, babe.

Y/N: Yeah, but not quick enough.

You sigh as you close your eyes and walk out of the bathroom, tossing your phone down on the bed and letting your hair down.

“If you would’ve waited 5 more minutes, I would’ve joined you,” Lloyd growled, causing you to jump.

“Jesus! Don’t you fucking knock?!”

“I was hoping to catch a glimpse, Doll Face,” he smirks mischievously.

“What do you want?” you snap.

“Well, I was going to tell you that I want you to look over these plans, but now...,” he hums, looking you over and slowly making his way over to you. “I have to tell you, I’ve never needed to have my dick inside a cunt so fucking bad.”

“Where are the plans, Lloyd?” you all but whimper, backing up slowly.

“The sitting area,” he husks, pinning you against the wall, making sure you feel just how desperate he is for you.

“Then that’s where we need to be.”

“It can wait,” he mutters, slowly tracing the outline of the towel. “How many times did you watch it?”

“Four,” you confess with a silent moan.

“Fuck.”

“Get on your knees,” you demand, finally losing all will to fight. It catches him sightly off guard,and you smirk because you now have the upper hand. “I told you, I don’t reward my employees for being winy little brats. You wanna fuck me? Work for it. You can start by showing me just how sorry you are for being so fucking difficult. Get. On. Your. Knees,” you demand.

The growl that leaves his mouth almost has whining like the bitch in heat you are.

When he’s finally on his knees you pull the towel from around you and let it fall to the ground. “Apologize.”

“Jesus,” he groans before quickly burying his face between your legs.

“Fuck! There’s a good boy,” you moan, lulling your head back as you grip his hair.

Lloyd wastes no time showing you just how greedy he is. He’s quick to hook your right leg over his shoulder, moaning in response to you grinding your cunt against his face as he sucks and licks on your clit. The more swirls his tongue in circular motions on your clit, the tighter you grip his hair.

When he slide two fingers into your weeping cunt, you arch your back and hiss in pleasure. “Off to a very good start,” you mewl “knew you could be a good boy,” you praise.

His left hand slowly travels up your body, only stopping when it finds target and grabs your left tit, painfully kneading it between his fingers.

“Fuck, you’re doing so good! So close!” you cry out, your eyes clenching shut as you find yourself on the cusp of the most powerful orgasm you’ve ever had.

He grips your tit tighter and adds a third finger to your cunt before fucking you faster. You look down to see his heated gaze on you, and you can tell that he can’t wait to bend you over the bed and fuck you until you’re a mess.

“Mr. Hansen, you should-oh, I’ll-”

“What?” he growls, breaking away for only a brief second before putting his mouth back where it belongs.

“I uh...you need to...-”

“WHAT?!” you snap, not liking being distracted from what you truly want.

“There’s umm, there’s movement and we should head out soon,” the IT guy stammers.

“Hear that, Doll Face? You’ve gotta give me what I want right now,” Lloyd breathes out before resuming his assault on your clit.

Maybe it’s because you’re desperate for a release, maybe it’s because someone’s watching, or maybe it’s just because Lloyd is so fucking good at eating your pussy, but your mind numbing orgasm hits in just a matter of seconds and you scream his name.

Lloyd licks and sucks on your clit, fucking you through it with his fingers, only stopping when you’ve come down from your high. He kisses your cunt before turning his attention to the IT guy. “I want all teams on this, send them ahead, we’ll follow behind shortly. We are not losing this guy. Make everyone aware that, if they fuck this up, they won’t only have to worry about punishment from Miss Y/L/N,” he warns darkly, his jawline tight as he catches his breath.

“Y-yes sir,” the IT guys stammers before practically running out of the room.

You groan when Lloyd removes his fingers and he slowly licks his way up your body. When he’s finally on his feet again, you’re both desperate for more. He leans in close, dipping down and roughly bites down on your neck, before soothing the sting lightly with his tongue.

“I can’t wait to rip you apart,” he whispers hotly into your ear, before nipping on your ear lobe. “Get dressed,” he demands before storming out of your room.

Oh, you’re definitely fucking Lloyd Hansen before you both get back to the states.

You’re quick to get dressed, ignoring the childish side that wants to tell everyone to go on without you and Lloyd so you two can destroy the suite.

Work comes first.

“I don’t feel as if I need to say this,” you start once you walk out of the room, grabbing your pistol and your work bag, “but if a word gets out about what you saw, you won’t speak another word. Understood?”

“Y-yes, of course,” the IT guy nods.

“Great,” you smile sweetly, “lets go.”

Lloyd can’t keep his eyes off of you the entire time the three of you are in the elevator, and his jawline is tight. Yeah, you’re excited that he wants to break your back in most amazing way, but this is why you don’t fuck your “students”. Lloyd is unhinged as it is. Him going into a “session” already worked up...well, it doesn’t seem like the best idea in the world.

“What do we know?” Lloyd demands as the three of you get in the van.

“He’s getting paranoid,” one of the mercenaries says “he asked for a meet up tonight, so he can ask for an earlier flight. He wants to get home to his wife and child.”

“He’s in for a shock tonight,” Lloyd scoffs and you roll your eyes.

Yeah, you’ll never want to pursue an actual relationship with him.

“Alright, Y/N and myself will take care of capturing Richard. I want all teams focused on taking out the buyers, by any means necessary. I want all mics on, so we hear every fucking thing, and no one makes a move before the deal is made.” Lloyd states. “Make it neat, make it quick, get it done.”

Once the van pulls up to the building, the special teams units wait until Richard is inside, before they slowly surround the building and make their way inside. While Lloyd gives instructions into the microphone, you jot down notes. You make it a point to be fair, and for the most part it’s not that bad. Granted, he really hasn’t gone into action yet, but he’s been a good boy...to an extent.

However, you can’t put that part in your notes. Especially since you’ll be telling on yourself too.

It sounds as if the deal’s about to go through before Richard starts to get hesitant.

“What do you mean it’s gonna take a couple of weeks for the money to come through? I was told I’d get it same day!” he shouts.

“Oh fuck,” you mutter, quickly coming to the realization that your trip is about to be extended.

“There were some...complications,” the other man says, coolly. “Your money will-”

“No, I need that money! I was promised that money! There are other men who have offered more money!”

“Things happen, plans change,” the other guy says nonchalantly.

“Deal’s off!” Richard shouts.

“Fuck,” Lloyd mutters before talking into his earpiece “all teams go,” he sighs before looking at you. “Looks like we’ve got some extra damage control to care of, Doll Face,” he smirks at you, before sliding the van door open and you both quickly head out.

The special teams he put together are quick to take out the buyers, but Lloyd in all his chaotic beauty, is slow to take in Richard.

“Who the fuck are you people?!” Richard questions desperately as he’s forced into a metal chair by the mercenaries, before he’s bound to it.

“We’re the ones who are gonna make or break you, Sunshine,” Lloyd smiles darkly as your mercenaries grab the quivering man’s arms and pin them behind the chair. “We know you’ve got another buyer waiting for you, and it would be in your best interest to tell us who it is,” Lloyd smiles as he lays his tools out on the tables.

“There’s no one-”

“Now, I’m gonna give a chance to think about your statement before I do anything. Here’s the thing, Sunshine, I know someone’s interested in this information.”

“I’ve been lying to-”

“You sure you want to start our relationship off on a tale of bullshit, Sunshine?” Lloyd questions with a sadistic smile. “Honestly, it’s your call,” he shrugs, placing his jacket nicely on the back of the metal chair across from Richard. “You know, your wife and child-”

“Leave them out of this-”

“It’s not use making threats, because your wife is already out of the game. Now, your daughter, Liza-”

“Please don’t-”

“As long as you cooperate, you have noting to worry about,” Lloyd smiles sincerely. “Between you and I, I have no problem killing a child, but it does make it a little hard to sleep at night,” he sighs. “Which is why I know you’ll be more than happy to help me solve this mystery.”

“Italy,” Richard sobs.

“Well, that’s no fun, I didn’t get to try out my little torture trick,” Lloyd chuckles darkly. “Where in Italy?”

“I’m not sure,” Richard sobs pathetically.

“Looks like I will get to use it after all,” he smiles sadistically before flipping a switch.

You hadn’t noticed before, but looking down, you see four metal rods surrounding the chair the poor man is sitting in.

“Shit! Please! Please! I’m not sure where in-”

“Boring,” Lloyd sighs, turning the dial.

“It burns!”

“It’s only gonna get hotter until you tell me what I want to know. Richard, I’m gonna let you know something: I always get what I want. The longer you  make me wait, the more annoyed I become. Now,” he sighs coolly, sitting back in the chair “where in Italy are these people?”

“Please-”

Lloyd just shakes his head and sighs “boring,” as he turns up the dial.

Yeah, you’re definitely gonna have to work on the cruel and unusual torture part a lot, but you’d be lying if you said you weren’t ready to fuck him right then and there.

It’s sad that it takes Lloyd Hansen for you to finally see the sexiness that comes with being unhinged.

“Venice! They’re in Venice!”

“Good boy, Richard,” he praises, turning down the dial only a little. “Now who are they and where are you meeting them?”

“Please, my daughter-”

“Will have a lot more than cancer to worry about if you don’t tell me what I want to know,” Lloyd growls, turning the dial up again.

“Please!”

“Where are you meeting them and who are they?” Lloyd demands, and you can tell he’s done being patient.

And that’s probably because he thought he’d balls deep in you by now.

“Caffé Florian!” the man sobs, and you’re almost ready to step in, but that would fuck up the assessment. “The Bernardi Brothers!”

“That’s a good boy. Now, I want you to text them and let them know the plans for tomorrow are still on. You’re going to lure them in and we will take it from there.”

“But my daughter-”

“Boring,” Lloyd growls, turning the dial up high.

“I’LL TELL THEM! I’LL TELL THEM!”

“Atta boy,” Lloyd smiles darkly, before flipping the switch off. “I’m proud of you, Richard,” he says sweetly, cupping the crying man’s face. “You’re doing really good. Now, piss me off or fuck me over...well, you don’t want to find out what happens when I’m angry. Get some rest,” he coos softly before turning to your mercenaries. “Clean all this shit up. Someone get me Frank on the phone.”

He storms out of the room and you let out a sigh of relief you weren’t aware you were holding on to. You really did think you were going to have to intervene.

You quickly follow him into the next room, quietly standing in the corner as you cross your arms over your chest, as Lloyd takes the phone from one of the mercenaries.

“Is it finished?” your Father asks as soon as he answers.

“The London part is. There’s another interested party in Venice,” Lloyd scowls.

“Is Y/N there?”

“Yeah, what’s up?” you respond softly.

“It’s your call.”

“No, it’s Lloyd’s call. This is his op. He’s in control until this is over.”

“You trust him?”

You look over at Lloyd who’s looking at you with a scowl and pure anger in his eyes. “Whether I trust him or not isn’t the issue here. This is his op. It all goes towards his assessment. Whatever lead he takes is the lead I’ll follow,” you shrug.

You don’t miss the extremely small glint of happiness in Lloyd’s eyes, though he’s quick to mask it.

“Y/N, this isn’t-”

“We’ve had this talk,” you harshly interrupt “I don’t give a fuck that CIA is up your ass. Honestly, it’s not my concern. I’m doing my job the way I’ve always done it, so you can either agree with me and have my back, or you can have someone else fix him. The choice is yours.”

Your Father sighs heavily “I’ll text you-”

“Lloyd”

“I’ll text Lloyd the information for where you all be staying until this is all sorted.”

“Sounds good to me,” Lloyd murmurs lowly.

The car ride back to the hotel is silent and tense, Richard whimpering in pain every time the van goes over a bump. Lloyd makes the mercenaries keep Richard with them, telling them to make him presentable for the meet up tomorrow, before sulking in the corner as the elevator doors close. By the time you, Lloyd, and the IT guy reach the suite, it’s painfully obvious that Lloyd has no intention of letting you get any work done.

“Take a walk around the city a few times,” Lloyd growls at the IT guy before slamming the door shut in his face. “Bedroom. Now,” he demands before starting walk to the room that you decided was yours.  

“I have to finish writing up this report,” you almost whimper, embarrassingly desperate for him to break you apart in the most pleasurable way.

“You can write about what a bad little boy I’ve been later, bedroom.”

“Lloyd-”

“This is the last time I’m gonna ask you, Cupcake,” he growls, walking back over to you and gripping face tight. “Bedroom. Now.”

You’re quick to obey this time.

“Such a bossy little bitch until it’s time to fuck, huh?” he snarls, practically ripping your shirt off of you. “Fuck,” he husks as he looks you over “can’t wait to break in that perfect little cunt.”

“Lloyd-”

“What did you call me?”

The look in his lust blown pupils lets you know exactly what he wants. “Daddy.”

“Good girl,” he smiles darkly. “Take off those fucking pants and get on your hands and knees for me on the bed.”

“Daddy I-”

“Keep making me repeat myself and we’re gonna have a real fuckin’ problem on our hands, Cupcake,” he warns darkly as he takes his shirt off.

It’s disgusting how badly you want to test that theory.

“Fuck,” you mutter, biting your lip as you look over his expansive chest, that’s covered in tattoos.

Yeah, it’s gonna be hard for you to quit him.

You’re slow to take off your pants and panties, loving the way you hold his attention, before slowly crawling onto the bed and arching your back.

“Such a desperate little whore,” he growls as he takes off his belt. In one swift move, your face is against the mattress and he’s binding your hands behind your back. “I take it you’re not a complete dumb cock slut, so I’m going to assume you’re on some sort of birth control.”

“Yes Daddy.”

“Good girl, because I’m going to fill this cunt until I’m satisfied, do you understand me?”

“Yes!”

Lloyd roughly grips your hair and forces you upright, and you whimper in response. “Yes who?”

“Yes Daddy!”

“And don’t you fucking forget it,” he warns ominously before releasing you.

Before you can catch your breath, you hear him on his knees before you feel his tongue against your soaked folds. You cry out in pleasure mindlessly gripping at nothing as he uses his thumb to tease your clit.

“Daddy...please!” you cry out, clenching your eyes shut. All he does in response is slap your ass, hard, and your toes curl. “PLEASE!”

“Do you even know what you’re begging for?” he growls breathlessly, before returning to his assault on your cunt.

“I need...need to cum, Daddy please! I need to cum!”

As his strokes on your clit speed up, he starts fucking you faster with his tongue. There’s barely any time to brace yourself as you cum hard on his tongue, only falling apart even more at the growl that leaves his mouth while he’s cleaning up the mess hes made.

“I had no idea you’d be this fucking desperate,” he grunts when he’s finally back on his feet, undoing the zipper on his pants before stepping out of them. “Should’ve fucked you while I was interrogating that poor bastard. You would’ve loved that, wouldn’t you?” he chuckles with a grunt before thrusting himself inside of you.

“FUCK!” you scream, loving the way he painfully stretches you out.

“Little dumb cock slut,” he taunts “are you crying?” he laughs, fucking into you relentlessly, while one hands moves your hair out of your face.

“Feels...feels amazing,” you sob, still clawing at nothing, since your hands are bound.

“I’ll pretend I care and ask once,” he taunts “do you love being choked or slapped?”

“It all feels amazing,” you whimper, just trying to hold on for whatever he has has in store for you. “Just want you to dumb me down. I want you to control me, Daddy!” you cry out as you clench around him.

“God, I wish you could see just how pathetic you look right now. How pathetic and stupid you look,” he laughs darkly. “It’s all for me though, right? No one else has ever made you feel like this, right, Doll Face?”

“No! No one ever has!”

“There’s a good girl.”

“Please! Please let me cum!!”

“I shouldn’t fucking let you! Not with how much of a cunt you’ve been since day one!”

“I’m so sorry, Daddy! I’m so fucking...fuck!”

“Can’t even apologize correctly, but I should let you cum? That doesn’t sound right,” he chuckles, fucking you harder as he grips your hair. “To me, it doesn’t sound as if you’ve learned your lesson.”

“I can be such a good girl!”

“You can be such a good slut if it means you’ll get your way,” he huffs as his movements become erratic, his hand traveling down from your hair to your neck before he grips it tight.

“Daddy! Daddy...Daddy please!”

“Is my stupid little cock slut that desperate to cum?”

“YES!”

“Jesus, give it to me! Give it to me right now!” he demands

You scream his name as your orgasm washes over you, your legs almost giving out, as you sob in pleasure. You feel his arm around your waist as he shoots his load into you, and you practically collapse onto the bed.

“Oh, look at that,” Lloyd taunts, his breathing heavy “your Father still hasn’t sent any instructions,” he continues and you can hear the smile in his voice. “Guess I’ll just have to keep myself entertained.”

“God yes,” you mindlessly beg, as your nails faintly scratch against you wrists in a faint form of release.

Lloyd has you two more times before his phone finally goes off.

“Yeah?” he answers breathlessly, his cock still deep inside you. “The stewardess is more demanding than I thought she’d be....Y/N is more than likely asleep, Frank...I don’t know, you’d have to ask her...I don’t know, she’s been pretty upset since she killed the wife...once again, you’ll have to ask her...well, when I wake her, what do you want me to tell her?...Alright, I’ll...fuck,” he grunts as you start throwing your ass back against his hips.

Your way of letting him know that hes been on the phone long enough.

“Yeah no, nothing,” he grunts, gripping your hair tight as a warning, and you bite your bottom lip to suppress a moan. “Wheels up in an hour, I got it,” he grunts as you continue your movements. “Gotta go, someone’s a little needy,” he scoffs before hanging up. “Needy little whore,” he growls, slapping your ass hard. “Said you’d be a good girl!”

“Need you to fill me up again, Daddy,” you whimper pathetically.

“We gotta get ready to go, Doll Face,” he grunts as he pulls out of you, finally untying your hands “so, you’re gonna have to be a good little whore and cum one more time for Daddy,” he demands lowly as he harshly gets you on your back. “You can do that for me, right?” he taunts with a devilish smirk before thrusting himself inside of you.

“Fuck! Yes, Daddy!” you mewl, clawing at his chest.

“Jesus, Y/N!” he yells, his grip on you tight as he fucks you hard and fast. “You walk around in those tight little outfits, tits practically bursting out as you fucking torture people, and you made me wait to put you in your fucking place?”

“I’m so fucking sorry, Daddy,” you whimper as he dips down and starts biting on your neck. “Shit! You make me feel so fucking good!”

“I know I do,” he chuckles darkly before licking up your neck before biting down on your earlobe, hard.

“Daddy please! Can I...I’m so fucking close!” you mewl as you claw up his back. You know you’re digging deep and just maybe drawing bits of blood, but it only seems to turn him on more.

You’re definitely not what he expected.

“Fuck, you squeeze me so fucking good!,” he husks in your ear, as one of his hands travel between your legs. “Give it to me right fucking now!”

“Ahh fuck! LLOYD!” you cry out as squirting hard as your orgasm consumes you, causing you to fade out of reality for just a moment.

“JESUS CHRIST!” he exclaims, filling you to the brim with his cum as he collapses on top of you.

The both of you of you lay there, breathing heavy, and completely blissed out. As you try to come down from whatever cloud you’re on (cause you’re way past cloud 9), your mind can truly only focus on one thing; you’re fucked.

You’re nowhere near ready to give up Lloyd, and by the way he just fucked you for over an hour, he’s feeling the same way. You want to be angry with yourself, because you set rules for a reason, but for the first time in forever, you finally feel content. You’ve finally achieved the release you’ve been craving and that has you feeling like it was all worth it.

“I think we fucked up by not stopping after the last time,” you giggle and Lloyd chuckles.

“The way this cunt squeezes me? Couldn’t stop, Doll Face,” he breathes. “You okay?”

“Mhm.”

“Good,” he smirks down at you after he pushes himself up “cause I took it easy on you this time.”

“Well, now I’m disappointed in you.”

“Oh, I’ll make it up to you when we get back,” he smirks mischievously before dipping down and kissing you deeply.

Another one of your rules is broken, but you can’t stop and don’t want to. Yeah, Lloyd Hansen is an arrogant piece of shit, but you now you know why. He’s good at what he does. Everything he does. He’s arrogant because he’s confident, and as you two get lost in one another with this kiss, you realize just how hard it’s gonna be for you to stop.

“Lloyd, we have to go,” you giggle as he kisses down your body.

“One more taste, Doll Face,” he mumbles before he’s on his knees and in-between your legs.

Needless to say; you’re both late to get to the plane on time.

However, you slept better than you ever have on the flight.

By the time you land down in Venice, you’re more than ready to finish up the trip and call it a day. You all set up shop in the mansion your Father has set up for you all. You do your best to write up your assessment on Lloyd, but you can feel his eyes on you.

When you finally bother to meet his gaze, you can tell that he gives less than a fuck about whatever you’re writing up about him. Which is why you’re currently bent over the sink in one of the bathrooms.

“Daddy,” you whimper as he fucks into you relentlessly “we have a mission.”

“Shouldn’t have worn this skirt, Doll Face,” he pants as his grip tightens on you. “Jesus, I can’t wait to get you in my fucking bedroom!”

“Shut up!” you moan softly.

“That’s right, we can’t have anyone knowing.”

“My Father will kill you, Lloyd. You wanna die before you fuck my ass?”

“Jesus!”

“I didn’t fucking think so, so shut up!”

“So fucking bossy!” he growls before wrapping a hand around your neck and you whimper in delight “gonna fucking handcuff you to my headboard and fuck you stupid, like the mindless little cock slut you are!”

“Daddy!” you cry out, clenching around him.

“Now who needs to be fucking quiet?”

“Need your cum! I need it so bad, please!” you beg pathetically, as quietly as you can.

“I should make you wait,” he teases as he slaps your clit with his free hand. “God, you’re such a fuckin’ bitch! I should make you wait till we’re back in states!”

“Daddy! That’s so mean!”

“It’s what you fuckin’ deserve, you little slut.”

“I’ve made you feel so good, Daddy! You’ve filled my pussy so many times, haven’t you? I let you fuck me in all the ways you want, you should let me cum!” you plead.

“Not in all the ways I want, Doll Face.”

“How else can I please you? I’ll do whatever you want!” you promise with a choked sob as his grip around your neck tightens.

“I can’t fucking get enough,” he growls into your ear before biting the shell of it hard. “You’ll make it up to me when we get back.”

“I promise!”

“Cum for me you little fucking whore! Cum for Daddy!”

“Lloyd!” you whimper as you find yourself getting lost in another mind shattering orgasm.

You’re not even aware that you’ve squirted all over the floor.

“When we get back,” he whispers hotly against your ear “that fucking perfect ass is mine.”

“You promise?”

“Keep it up and I’ll send everyone else out while we stay here and play around,” he warns and you giggle. “Now, get on your knees and clean off my cock. These pants were expensive and I don’t need your slut cum ruining them.”

“Daddy!”

“Do it, you filthy little slut.”

You quickly learn that, when it comes to impulse control, you have very little when it comes to sex with Lloyd. You and Lloyd spend an additional 30 minutes in the bathroom since he decides that he needs to teach you the difference between a clean up and a blowjob.

“Where are we at?” he asks, his tone menacing, when you two finally make your way back into the SIT room that’s been set up.

“They text me about 20 minutes ago asking me to leave earlier for the pickup,” Richard trembles.

“And you said?”

“It’s fine and I’m on my way.”

“Good boy,” Lloyd smiles at him before turning his attention to everyone else “lets move out!”

You’re quick to change into a pair of slim black pants and a black t-shirt, before packing your pistol and handgun into your bag and making your way out.

You do your best to ignore your throbbing, yet exhausted, pussy as you watch how closely Lloyd pays attention to every bit of information Despite his control issues, he’s very dedicated and committed to his work. That’s not the problem though. That’s never been the problem. The problem is that he loves what he does so much that he throws himself too much into it and looses himself. Lloyd Hansen isn’t a man that’s completely gone, he’s just a hard one to reel back in.

“I want these fuckers taken care of before lunch,” Lloyd tells everyone, pouring himself a glass of bourbon.

“What do you want us to do about the civilians?”

“Collateral damage if it gets out of hand,” he shrugs.

“Lloyd,” you warn, cutting your eyes at him.

“I’m in charge-”

“Until I think you’ve crossed a line. No one does shit until you think of a way to get everyone out safely. No mess, no scene, make it fast, keep it clean. We’ve gone over this,” you snap.

The van is quiet and you can tell everyone is afraid to say or do anything as you and Lloyd glare daggers at each other.

“Send Richard in then declare an emergency and tell everyone to evacuate. Take the bastards out then move out,” he demands, his angry glare never leaving you.

“But what about-” Richard starts.

“Do you really think now is a good time?” Lloyd asks coldly, shooting him a glare, and you feel your heart break.

Richard really believed that he would survive all of this and be able to get back to his daughter.

Poor fucking bastard.

Soon enough, everyone is filing out and all that’s left is you, Lloyd, and the techs.

“Come here,” Lloyd demands darkly.

“Lloyd-”

“Don’t make things worse for yourself when we get back, Cupcake,” he warns “now come here and sit on my lap. I want you to watch this with me.”

You know you shouldn’t, but can’t stop yourself as you slowly make your way over to him and sit on his lap. He pulls you close and grips your hair tight, and you bite your lip to suppress your moan.

“I should fuck you in front of everyone to show you who’s really in control,” he growls angrily into your ear.

“You have control in the bedroom, I have control on the field. I know you’re not stupid enough to forget that.”

“This is my op-”

“Until I feel like you’re taking it too far, Hansen,” you bite, grinding your ass against his very hard cock. “Don’t forget, Sweet Boy, I love to fuck just as much as I love to be fucked.”

“Jesus Y/N!”

“Now be a good and obedient little boy, or you won’t like what I have in store for you when we get back.”

“Y/N-”

“You think I won’t rip your pants off right now and fuck you in front of everyone? You think I won’t claim control in both the bedroom and the field?” you question, gripping his thighs as you continue to grind your ass against him.

“Doll Face,” Lloyd moans.

“There’s my good boy. Now, behave and pay attention to your mission. If I think you’ve done a good enough job, I might just let you fuck me on the flight back home,” you taunt as he groans, his hold on you getting tighter. “Now, can I resume my seat or do you need me to let you cum like the pathetic little shit you are?”

“Please,” he moans

“Please what? Finish your sentences, dumb boy.”

“Please let me cum!”

“I thought your pants were too expensive to get cum on?” you tease, picking up your pace.

“Fuck, I’m sorry, so fucking sorry!” he rasps as he buries his face into your back.

“So fucking pathetic, I shouldn’t let you cum at all. Not with how much of a spoiled little brat you’ve been. Wasn’t enough to let you control me in private, you had to try and throw your weight around when it comes to work?”

“I won’t do it again,” he whimpers.

“You fucking better not,” you moan, getting close to your own release. “Now be a good boy and cum for me so we can both get back to work.”

“Y/N!”

“What’s my fucking name?” you growl, fighting off your own release.

“Mommy!”

“Say it again, you ignorant little shit!”

“Fuck! Mommy!”

“Good boy, now fucking cum for me,” you demand as you lull your head back.

“Fuck!” he groans and his grip on you lets you know that he came hard.

“Sweet, sweet boy,” you moan as your relief washes over you.

It’s pathetic how sick the two of you are.

“Now, be a good little boy and watch the monitors. You’re supposed to be working,” you breathe out.

“Y/N,” Lloyd moans as he runs his hand though your hair, the tip of his nose grazing the side of your neck before he bites down on it.

“Lloyd, go do your job,” you warn, with a moan.

“Yes ma’am,” he husks.

You slowly get up and sit back down in your seat, while he readjusts himself.

“If anyone utters a word about what just happened, to anyone, I’ll fucking kill you myself. Understand?” Lloyd questions menacingly.

Everyone says ‘yes sir’ in unison and you can’t stop the smirk that comes to your face.

The hit goes off easy enough, Richard being the first to die, and they’re no civilian casualties. While you’re happy enough that everything went according to plan (for the most part), your heart still breaks for Liza. Yeah, she’ll be dead before the end of the month, but still. Both parents? Hell, you got left with the worst one, but at least you have one. You make a silent promise to yourself that you’ll stay by her side until the very end.

“I’m working, Sweet Boy,” you tell Lloyd as you feel his intense gaze upon you.

Since you both have gotten on the plane, you’ve held all of his attention, and you almost feel sorry for the poor stewardess who wants a repeat of last time.

“Then close your legs,” he practically whimpers.

“I thought I was doing a courtesy,” you snicker.

“Not when I can see it but can’t touch it.”

“Who said you can’t get on your knees and satisfy the both of us?”

“Oh? You don’t care anymore?”

“Everyone has it on high authority to not say a word about what we do, so I don’t know why you think I’ll be shy about anything.”

“Oh, I get it, you’re mad at me,” he smirks.

“I’m not mad about anything, Lloyd.”

“You’re not happy with me? Did I fail your little assessment?”

“You already knew you weren’t going to pass.”

“I wasn’t nice enough to Richard?”

“They had to peel bits of his skin off of the chair, Lloyd.”

“That’s more his fault than mine,” he shrugs “come over here and show me what I did wrong.”

“Lloyd.”

“Yes, Mommy?” he pouts.

“Fuck!”

“Sit on my lap so I can see what I did wrong.”

“No, because I actually have to get work done.”

“Who says I won’t let you?”

“My bare pussy.”

“I’ll stop the minute you tell me to.”

“Lloyd.”

“Be a good girl and sit on my lap, and I’ll be a good boy and listen to your criticism,” he smirks.

Once again, you find yourself doing what you shouldn’t and straddle Lloyd.

“Daddy,” you moan as his fingers tease your clit.

“No, you’re supposed to be telling me how I can improve,” he teases before biting down on your collar bone.

“You’re too mean, Daddy,” you moan “you’ve gotta gain control over your impulses, and watch the things you say.”

“Will that help me pass your little class?”

“It’s the only way you’ll pass, Daddy,” you gasp as he slides two fingers into your soaked cunt. “Gotta do better.”

“And what happens if I don’t?”

“The...fuck,” you whimper “the CIA isn’t gonna let you be their little whipping boy.”

“Maybe I wanna keep being your good little boy.”

“Lloyd,” you moan, lulling your head back as you cum on his fingers.

“You look so fucking pathetic,” he chuckles darkly. “I want to fill your pussy with my cock so fucking bad,” he groans, as you grind your wet cunt against his clothed cock.

“You said you’d be a good boy,” you whimper.

“You are so fucking sexy when you’re trying to hold on to control,” he chuckles.

“I swear to God, I’ll fuck you in front of everyone,” you growl, regaining some composure, as his hands travel up.

“Shut the fuck up and taste yourself on my fingers.”

“No,” you moan.

“No?”

“You need to remember who’s really in charge,” you snap.

“You’re the one grinding your bare and soaked cunt against my cock, Cupcake.”

“I can stop right now, if you wanna keep being a little shit.”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” he warns with a low growl.

“Then fucking behave,” you demand before slapping him hard across the face.

“You little bitch!”

“Keep it up and I’ll do it again.”

“No you won’t.”

You slap him again and his grip on your thighs tighten “I’m not afraid of a spoiled little shit, Lloyd,” you groan as you start to undo his pants. “I really think you just want me to fuck you. That’s why you’re being such a spoiled little fuck.”

“I’ve already had your perfect little cunt, and you all but promised me that ass-”

“I promised you my ass when you were being a good boy,” you correct as you take him out of his pants.

“Oh fuck!”

“Why should I do anything to make you happy now? You’re being such a little shit,” you moan as you adjust yourself, before sinking yourself down on him.

“Shit!”

“No one makes you feel as good as I do,” you moan as you ride him, “ so why should I reward you?”

“Cupcake!”

“In fact, I should make you fuck me in all the ways I love!”

“You should, Mommy!”

“Look at you,” you scoff as you pick up your pace “so fucking pathetic, it’s embarrassing,” you chuckle.

“Watch it, Cupcake,” he warns as he grips your throat.

“Tread lightly, Lloyd,” you warn as you pick up your pace “don’t want you to lose out on any of your privileges.”

“Such a fucking cunt!”

“Want me to get off of your cock right now?”

“Try it and you won’t be able to walk straight for a month!”

“Promise Daddy?”

“You dumb little cock slut!”

“Mi-Miss Y/L/N,” one of your mercenaries stammer.

“How may I help you?” you moan as Lloyd starts slowly kissing down your neck.

“Your Father...he’s on the phone and-”

“Is it important? I’m in the middle of a lesson,” you growl as Lloyd grips your waist painfully tight.

“He wants to know about the mission and-”

“Tell him I’m sleeping and I’ll call him back,” you whimper as Lloyd starts to take control.

“He says the CIA-”

“I don’t give a single fuck!” you cry out, cumming hard for Lloyd.

“Tell him she’ll call him back,” Lloyd demands menacingly, gripping your ass before standing up and you wrap your legs around him.

“Daddy!”

“I know, Doll Face,” he chuckles before kissing your collar bone. “So fucking needy.”

“Don’t act like you fucking aren’t,” you command as you grip his face. “I’ll make this the longest fucking flight of your life.”

“I wish you would,” he smirks as he makes his way to the bathroom.

The minute you two are in the bathroom, Lloyd pulls out, sets you down, forcefully turns you around so you’re facing the mirror, and thrusts himself inside of you.

“You know,” he husks as he thrusts into you hard and fast “this has got to be the best little snatch I’ve ever been in,” he praises.

“Of course it is,” you whimper, gripping the sink as you drop your head, trying to keep yourself upright.

“Arrogant, aren’t we?” he chuckles as he grips your neck tight, forcing your gaze on the mirror. “Want you to watch, Doll Face. Watch yourself come apart on my cock again,” he whispers against the the shell of your ear before licking it.

“Lloyd,” you whimper, clenching around him, desperate for a release.

You don’t know why you can’t get enough of him. He’s not someone you’d usually be attracted to, his personality alone makes you want to punch him in the dick. But there’s just something....something that makes you want him to use you as his own personal sex toy. Of course, that’s until he steps out of line.

“Give it to me, Doll Face!” he grunts as his thrusts become erratic.

“Fuck, fuck!” you cry, cumming hard for what feels like the millionth time.

How you two aren’t spent already has you completely at a loss for words.

Lloyd moans into your hair as he fills you up. “Best fucking pussy,” he breathes and you chuckle.

“You need to rest and I have work to do,” you sigh.

“I guess you’re right,” he sighs, kissing your neck a few times before pulling out with a groan.

You both get yourselves cleaned up and ready in silence, before Lloyd opens the door for you and you walk out. The look in everyone’s eyes has you ready to burst out laughing. You’re more than sure that your Father told them to report back to him if you and Lloyd do anything you shouldn’t be doing, but you also know they’re all deathly afraid of you, and probably Lloyd too, since they saw him give a man third degree burns and enjoy it way too much.

Yeah, your Father is scary, but he created a monster much worse than him, in some ways.

For the rest of the flight Lloyd sleeps on the seat across from you, and you fill out your evaluation form on him. No, fucking him a million times wasn’t in your best interest, especially since you still have to train him for the rest of the month, but you have a feeling that it helped. Lloyd is slightly more agreeable when he has something (or someone) to take his anger out on. You being just as fucked up as him in a sense, makes it a little easier for him take orders and not be as psychotic as he is.

Now, if only you could find something besides your body to get him to stay in line.

By the time the plane lands, you’re more than ready to get off of it. You’re barely sure what day it is.

“You don’t ignore my calls,” your Father barks the minute you step onto the tarmac.

“This can wait until tomorrow,” you mutter, walking right past him.

“Y/N-”

“I’ve been out of the country and away from my bed for what feels like 3 days. Maybe it has been, I don’t fucking know at this point. I don’t know what fucking time it is, but it’s dark outside, so I assume I’m supposed to be sleeping at some point, but I probably won’t because I’m gonna be all fucked up for a few days. Whatever you want to rake me over the coals about can wait until tomorrow!” you snap, finally bothering to meet his angry gaze.

His gaze is still angry, but he sighs in defeat. “I want you both in tomorrow at 7.”

“Of course, why would we get to sleep in?” you mumble.

“Fitzroy and Cahill are gonna be there tomorrow.”

“What the fuck for?”

“They wanna know how its going.”

“It hasn’t even been a full week!”

“Not my call.”

“Fucks sake,” you sigh, rubbing your temples. “Yeah fine, see you at 7,” you mutter as both you and Lloyd make your way over to your car.

“Why is he going with you?”

“Jesus, what are you? A cop?! I had him meet me at my house and I drove us both here. His car is at my place.”

“Y/N-”

“I’m too fucking tired to argue with you. I’m too tired, I’m tired of fighting with you in general, and I don’t feel like doing it. I’ll you tomorrow,” you mutter before getting into your car. You let out a deep sigh and look over at Lloyd, whose gaze on you is intense. “You ready to play around some more?”

It’s pathetic that you two aren’t sick of each other yet.

By the time you pull into your drive and get out of your car, Lloyd is all over you and you don’t want him to stop.

“Don’t think I can wait for us to get to my house, Doll Face,” he rasps against your lips as you two make out against your car.

“I don’t want to wait,” you whimper, undoing his pants.

“Something tells me that you’re a woman with handcuffs.”

“I’ve got all the toys, Daddy,” you smirk up at him.

The minute you get you two into the house, Lloyd picks you up and carries you to your bedroom.

“You may not be able to walk straight for a couple days,” he smirks down at you as he takes off his shirt, and you bite your lip to suppress a moan. “I’m sure you won’t mind it though.”

Lloyd isn’t gentle with you at all and, of course, that just makes you even more excited. Sure, you both need to be asleep, but primal need you two have for one another won’t let either of you stop.

Or think straight.

“Fuck! Daddy, you promised!” you whimper as he pushes the setting on vibrator higher, only causing you to pull tighter against your handcuffs.

“Oh, we’re getting there, Doll Face. There’s something I want you to do for me,” he smirks, watching your legs shake.

“How can I please you?”

“Fuck, you really are a little cock slut aren’t you?” he muses as strokes himself. “Wet Daddy’s cock with pretty little mouth of yours,” he demands, roughly gripping your face.

Your only response is to open your mouth wide for him.

“Who would’ve thought that a controlling little cunt like yourself, could be such a good girl?” he grunts as he starts fucking your mouth. You close your eyes and moan at his words, getting more and more worked by him face fucking you and the vibrator between your legs. “Tsk tsk tsk,” he taunts before pinching your nipple, only causing you more pleasure. “You know better, eyes on Daddy,” he demands.

You look up at him with blurry eyes, feeling your release build up. You ball your hands into fists as your toes curl, trying to hold off your release. You didn’t wait for him to tell you to cum the last time, which why you’re in the position you’re in now.

“Dumb little whore needs to cum, doesn’t she?” he taunts and all you can do is moan. “Learned your lesson this time?” When you let out another muffled moan, just a little bit louder, he laughs at you, and you hate that you’re not even the slightest bit embarrassed. “Cum for me, Doll Face.”

You cum hard, squirting all over your bed and Lloyd lets out a low and feral growl.  

“Jesus, gotta get in that ass now,” he grunts, gripping your face and taking his cock out of your mouth. He’s quick to throw aside the vibrator, and you honestly don’t give a fuck if hes broken it or not. “Get on your fuckin knees,” he demands.

You obey as quickly as you can, your arms crossing as turn yourself over. You do your best to grip the bars on your head board, because you know this is going to finish you off.

“I’ve waited so patiently for this perfect little ass,” Lloyd growls as he opens up the bottle of lube, applying some to your asshole, before starting to stroke himself. “Such a wild little thing,” he grunts before slapping your ass hard.

“Fuck,” you hiss, throwing your head back in pleasure. “Daddy please!”

“Tell me how bad you want it, Doll Face,” he whispers harshly as he hovers over you.

“I’m fucking desperate for it,” you whimper like the bitch in heat that you are.

“Dumb little cock slut,” he chuckles before pushing himself inside the one place you’ve both been dying for him to fuck. “Jesus, Y/N!”

“Lloyd!” you cry out, your whole body writing in pleasure. “God yes!”

“Fuck, this ass is amazing,” he growls, gripping your hips tight, pumping into you hard from behind.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

“Can’t get enough of you,” he grunts.

He dips down and starts to bite and suck on your shoulder, as your toes curl. You start whining as his tongue starts lightly tracing over your back, and you know you’re gonna cum soon.

“What do you need, baby?” Lloyd husks as you grip the bars tight.

“Need...need to...fuck, you feel so fucking good! I need to cum, please!”

“Make a mess for me, Doll Face,” he demands, before kissing your shoulder blade.

“Fuck, Lloyd!” you whimper as your relief washes over you.

“Fucking amazing, best little slut I’ve ever had,” he moans, and you can tell he’s close.

“Are you gonna fill my ass, Daddy?

“Not until I make you cum for me again,” he growls, picking up his pace.

“Lloyd,” you whimper, your toes curling yet again as he kisses up and down your back. “Never felt this good.”

“Yeah, baby? Best fuck you ever had?”

“Fuck Lloyd, yes! Fucking best ever!”

“Then show me,” he demands with a growl. “Show me how good it feels and cum for me one more time,” he groans as one of his hands travel down between your legs, teasing your swollen and overstimulated bud.

“Shit!”

“I know you can cum for me one more time, Doll Face! You’ve been so good for me!”

“I’m so fucking close!” you sob, throwing your head back in ecstasy, as he grips you tighter and holds you close to his chest.

“You’re so fucking perfect, Doll Face,” he groans, pressing his forehead to the back of your head. “Fucking gorgeous and the best little slut. You take everything so well! Now, be the good little girl and give Daddy what he wants,” he practically begs.

“GOD!” you scream as your orgasm washes over you so hard, your legs almost give out completely, and you fade out of reality.

“Shit, Y/N!” he grunts, spilling his seed into you as he tries to ride out both your highs.

The room is silent except for you and Lloyd’s labored breathing, and you try and think about everything you’ve done with him over the last few days.

How much you’ve broken your own rules.

“Shit,” he groans as he pulls out and you hiss in dissatisfaction at the emptiness you feel. “Fuck,” he chuckles, and you can tell you’re probably all marked up.

The minute he undoes the handcuffs, you collapse onto the bed, which is soaked (more your fault than Lloyd’s). You can already feel the soreness starting up, and you know that Lloyd was true to his word and you will be walking funny for the next few days.

“Anything I should have a heads up for, for tomorrow?” he asks as he gets dressed?

“No, we talked about everything already. You didn’t do great, but you didn’t do terrible. Just gotta find your ‘in the middle’,” you yawn, not even bothering to get under the covers. You look up at him, your eyes barely open, as your hair slightly falls in front of your face, and he smirks down at you.

“You okay?”

“Mhm.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Doll Face,” he whispers softly before dipping down to kiss your forehead, before walking out.

You don’t like the happiness you feel at the small gesture.

You look over at your alarm clock that reads 1:30am, and groan in frustration. So much for a decent night’s sleep. You’re quick to set your alarm and pull on one of your college crew necks that’s lying on the floor from the mess you made before you left for your mission, and slowly drift off to sleep.

As fade out of consciousness, you tell yourself that whatever you were feeling towards Lloyd is over and done with now. He’s claimed every part of your body that he can, repeatedly, and you want nothing else. You needed something to take the edge off, he gave it to you, and that was that. From here on out, he’s nothing more than your final job.

Oh, how you love to lie to yourself.

**

When your alarm goes off, you feel like you’ve only blinked. You lay in bed and wonder just how much you really care about making anyone happy, before reminding yourself that your work always comes first. You’re slow to shower and get ready, and there’s no real speed to get to work. Once you arrive at headquarters, you take a deep breath and lay your head against your steering wheel.

‘After this month, you’re done with all of it,’ you mentally tell yourself as try to build yourself up to go in there and keep up the facáde you always wear.

As you make your way into the building, you feel a a pair of eyes on you, and without even looking you know exactly who they belong to.

“Hansen,” you greet, as you continue walking, “is everyone here?”

“Waiting for you.”

“Well, it’s not like I’m late.”

“I think your Father was expecting you to be early.”

“Well, I had a bit of a late night,” you smirk as you both approach the meeting room.

“Might explain why you’re walking a little funny,” he teases, cocking an eyebrow.

“Might,” you giggle before opening the door. “Good morning everyone,” you sigh; your mood and tone changing instantly as you make your way into the room.

“You’re late,” your Father barks.

“No, you came in early and stupidly expected me to do the same. That falls on you, not me,” you smile sarcastically at him. “As for everyone else, hello,” you smile at Fitzroy, Cahill, Carmichael, and a woman you’ve never seen before. ‘Oh, someone new? She’s about to be annoying as shit,’ you think to yourself.

“Good Morning,” Ms. Cahill smile towards you “how’d the mission go?”

“As well as expected, slightly better,” you shrug with a sigh as you take your papers out of your folders. “Yeah, there’s a lot to work on, but they’re also a lot of strengths that need to be considered. You want the good or the bad first?”

“The bad, I guess,” Fitzroy sighs.

“His main issue is his cruel torture methods and his lack of regard for authority.”

“Give me a fucking break,” Lloyd mutters with a scoff.

“As he just demonstrated, he and authority don’t do well, unless he’s the one running the show. That being said,” you quickly amend “when left in control, he leads with a smart and stern fist. Though his methods are a little cruel, and sometimes heartless, they’re good. Really good. When he has a task, he’s dedicated and he’s laser focused. He’s extremely good at what he does, I just need to get him to tone it down a notch,” you shrug, sliding your files over to Cahill and Fitzroy.

“We want to see him in action on our own,” the young woman you’ve never met says. “We need to track down a man who stole some...documents from us.”

“And you are?”

“I’m Suzanne Brewer.”

“Well, Suzanne, he’s not ready yet. It hasn’t even been a week.”

“You just said-”

“Yeah, he did pretty good under supervision. He’s not ready to be on his own.”

“We want you on this mission with him,” Carmichael interjects and Lloyd shoots him a glare.

“I think the fuck not,” you scoff, leaning back in your chair. “Not me, not at all.”

“Y/N-”

“Did you tell them that I’d agree to this?” you snap at your Father, whose somehow sunk further into his chair.

“I said that you might be willing to depending on-”

“He fucking lied to you all, because I will not be working for the CIA ever again,” you laugh incredulously.

“You don’t want to help your government?” Fitzroy asks, his temper starting to show.

“You know damn well that I don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because fuck the government and fuck you!” you exclaim, throwing your hands up in the air as both, Lloyd and Carmichael stifle a laugh. “The last time I helped out your little crew of minions, I got burned. I got burned, bad. I won’t be making that mistake ever again.”

“This is a chance to-” Suzanne starts.

“SHUT UP, SUZANNE!” you snap, deciding that you no longer need to keep your cool.

“Y/N-”

“It’s like you can’t stop yourself from being a piece of shit!” you snap at your Father. “How can you agree to something, for me, without even asking me?! With him?!” you practically scream, pointing at Fitzroy.

“I just thought-”

“No, no you fucking didn’t, so don’t say you did! Unless your next fucking statement is, ‘I just thought of myself’!”

“Now is not the time for one of your family squabbles,” Fitzroy sighs, and it takes all you have to not jump across the table and wring his neck.

“I’m sorry, the last time I “worked” for the CIA, wasn’t that whole thing supposed to be under your supervision? Training your precious Sierra Six? With the partner you appointed me?” you question hotly, and now Fitzroy is the one sinking into his chair. “I’m sorry, I can’t fucking hear you!”

“I’ve apologized for that-”

“Your apologies don’t mean shit! None of your apologies mean shit to me! Listen, I know that at the end of the fucking month, I’m out! However, until that time comes, I do my job the way I’ve always done it! No interference, no suggestions, no one in my fucking ear about what I should do, none of it! This is my job and it’s mine for a reason! If you don’t like the way I do things, find someone else! I’m not my Father! I’m not going to change my methods because it makes you all uncomfortable, so you can take what I have to offer or leave it!” you bite, meeting everyone’s gaze. “I’ll leave you all here to think about it,” you huff before standing up and storming out.

You faintly hear your Father call after you, but you don’t care to stop. You don’t care about anything. It’s bad enough that this is the second time that your Father has tried to stop you from doing it the best way you know how, in an attempt to save an outsider’s ego, but for Fitzroy to pull that shit and pretend that he doesn’t know why you’re acting the way you are?

Once upon a time, you were Fitzroy’s favorite. He thought you were funny and witty, he loved that you didn’t take shit from anyone, and he loved the fact that you always stood your ground; no matter what and against everyone.

Then a mission went very wrong and your heart got broken, bad. Yeah, he tried to apologize, and for the most part, you didn’t blame him. Still the damage was done and a rift formed.

“Are you okay?” Lloyd asks as he makes his way into your office as you wipe your eyes.

“Happy. So fucking happy,” you sob, trying to pull yourself together. “I guess they’re all afraid of me if they sent you in.”

“Basically.”

“What did they decide?”

“They won’t try to control the choices you make anymore...”

“But?”

“Suzanne’s going to stay until the end of the month.”

“Fitzroy?”

“How’d you know?”

“Because fuck him,” you mutter, swiveling in your chair and looking out at the view from your window. “I take it our next mission won’t be for the CIA?”

“No, we’re not moving past this that quickly,” he practically demands.

“I don’t want to talk about it right now,” you mutter, still gazing out the window and feeling slightly bad.

“What exactly am I in the middle of right now?”

“Everyone wants to control me right now, basically.”

“Y/N-”

“Once upon a time, my Father and I trusted Fitzroy, mind you, I only trusted him because my Father did. Nonetheless, Fitzroy and I became close. I talked to him about everything, because I could never talk to my Father about anything. Whatever he said was law and my Father hated that, because I never had the same faith and trust him that I did with Fitz. Anyway, long story short, the last time I worked with Fitzroy and the CIA, was the last time I was in a real relationship. I let my guard down for just a moment and it...it backfired,” you sigh, wiping your eyes. “I just took the guy as just my temporary partner. I didn’t expect to fall in love, nor did I want to, but I did. Then...”

“Then?”

“Then everything went to shit. I was engaged, my Father actually liked the guy...the only person who saw through all of his shit was Taj, which is why she’s the only person who I truly trust to this day. Anyway, things were going great until he slipped up. He brought up Sierra Six, Carl Gentry, at the most random time, and that’s what set everything in motion. What did him in was that he was the way he would question me about him, it was never like he was jealous but more like he was looking for information, and that gave him away completely. So, fast forward to everything hitting the fan, I was the one to take out my own fiancé out, 2 months before our wedding,” you smile weakly, swiveling around to meet Lloyd’s gaze. “Oh, don’t look at me like that.”

“I’m not looking at you like anything.”

“You’re looking at me like you need to take care of me.”

“I am not.”

“I’m a big girl, Lloyd. Whatever issues I have at this point, are my own. Anyway, Fitz felt like I blamed him and I don’t know, maybe I did. I didn’t think I was, but there was very much a change on my end. We started to drift apart, which made my Father happy, and it eventually led to an argument at my Father’s house. Voices were raised, feelings were hurt, and eventually a fist fight broke out that I had to break-up. Fitz said some nasty things to my Father about how my Mother is better off dead because she doesn’t have to deal with him, and I told him that we all needed to call it a night because enough’s been said and done. He took that as me taking my Father’s side and said Matthew was the lucky one in all of this because he doesn’t have to deal with me and my shitty family. I, in all my glory, snapped like the crazy piece of shit I am and my Father ended up having to shield Fitz from me and get him out of the house. Ever since then, he’s been nothing more to me than a pain in my ass,” you sigh, looking down at fingers; fiddling them to try and fight off the tears that you weren’t in the mood to cry,

“Your Father seems to be on better terms with him now,” Lloyd comments, and you can tell that he senses how much you want to change the subject of you and Fitz.

“Fitzroy works for the government, so he can offer my Father a lot of money. My Father likes making a lot of money. They made up pretty quickly.”

“You and Fitz?”

“I don’t hate the man, but I wouldn’t be upset if I never had to see him again,” you shrug.

“Well, I didn’t think you’d be be so open with me, honestly.”

“Well, you’ve fucked on a plane full of people and in every hole I own, so,” you shrug as Lloyd bursts out laughing “I figure why not do some trauma dumping?”

“You are a never ending mystery, did you know that?”

“I’ve been called worse,” you smirk at him.

“Your Father said this should make you happy.” Suzanne states awkwardly as she walks into your office, holding out a folder.

You look her over and quickly come to the conclusion that, if anyone’s gonna get in the way of fun you and Lloyd have, it’ll be her.

You take the file from her as she takes a seat, and smirk when you open it. “What a fucking prick.”

“What is it?”

“A mob boss wants revenge for his daughter getting her heart broken,” you chuckle as Lloyd snickers.

“What am I missing?” Suzanne asks.

“Just a sick joke between two sick idiots,” you chuckle.

Once again, you tell yourself that whatever happened between you and Lloyd is over. You needed the release and he wanted fun and that was all. So, when he texts you that night telling you that he wants you to come over, you resist the urge and tell him that you two have done enough damage.

That weekend, it’s hard to not give in to what you truly want, especially when he’s sending you videos and leaving breathy voicemails telling you how badly he needs to be inside of you again. It’s not that you don’t want to, God knows how feral you are for the man, but you don’t need or want a repeat of last times. Hell, you’re even pissed with yourself for opening up to him.

You don’t like the fact that it felt good to open up to and confide in someone else other than Taj. Opening up to and and confiding in someone that you shouldn’t care about, at all.

Of course, you’re not the only one feeling frustrated.

Lloyd does his best to mask the fact that he’s unhappy with things not going his way, but it shows in his performance. If it were just you seeing it, you’d talk to him about it, but Suzanne is Fitzroy’s little spy, which means you can’t take it easy on him.

“What isn’t clicking, Lloyd?” you sigh, walking over to your desk, before turning around and leaning against it.

The look in his eyes confirms what you already know: this is only making everything worse.

“Not sure what you mean, Cupcake,” he mutters, giving you bedroom eyes.

“Impulse, Lloyd,” you say lazily, before hitting the button on your clicker, zapping him. “You seemed like you were getting it, and now you’re just not.”

“Just a bad day,” he growls.

“I call bullshit,” you smile sarcastically, before hitting the clicker again.

“Y/N,” he growls, gripping the desk.

“Don’t forget, Sweetheart, I’m the one calling the shots. That being said, we’re gonna do a little review.”

“Review?”

“Let’s start from day 1, shall we?”

“Jesus Christ,” he groans before sliding down in his seat.

“Oh, He won’t save you now, Sweetheart.”

You’re not gonna lie and say that you didn’t love being in control all day, but you’re also very aware that you can only poke a bear so many times before it finally attacks.

Lloyd gives you three days.

“You can’t be here,” you moan as Lloyd hoists you up and forces your legs around his waist, after you open the door for him.

“Shut up,” he growls before kicking your front door shut.

“Lloyd-”

“I should choke the shit out of you for all the shit you’ve been pulling for the last few days,” he warns as he quickly walks the both of you to your kitchen table.

“You’re the one who refuses to do what you know you’re supposed to,” you bite as he starts sucking on your sweet spot. “Fuck! Lloyd-”

“Shut up!” he commands as he roughly places you on the table. “I’m sick of your lessons, so now it’s time for me to teach you some of mine.”

“Daddy, I-”

“What happens you’re a bad girl?”

“Daddy-”

“Not only a brat, but a dumb brat? Oh Cupcake, it may take all night, but I promise: Daddy is gonna fuck you into submission,” he smiles darkly.

Lloyd is rough with you in every way you love, in multiple parts of your house, and you don’t tap out at all. Once again, you’re desperate for someone to show that you don’t need to be in control all the time, and he’s desperate to be that person for you.

“We can’t keep fucking,” you breathe after you’ve both had time to come down from your highs; you laying your head on his chest.

“Why not?”

“Don’t be a fucking idiot, Lloyd.”

“Then don’t fucking act like one, Y/N,” he snaps back.

“Lloyd-”

“You’re an adult and so am I. Why does it matter what anyone thinks or says?”

“Cause we don’t lead normal lives and you know that.”

“We’re just having fun.”

“It doesn’t matter, they won’t see it that way. We have to stop.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Neither do I,” you sigh before pressing a small kiss to his chest “but we still have to.”

“It’s just sex!”

“They’ll see it as something more and you know it. If they think I’m giving you special treatment, for any reason, all of the work you’re doing goes out the window.”

“This is fucking stupid.”

“I’m not disagreeing with you.”

“It’s not like we aren’t careful.”

“We were careless as fuck the first few times,” you laugh softly and he chuckles.

“I think we did better this time-”

“Suzanne is watching us, Lloyd. You can’t afford to slip up, even in the slightest bit.”

“What about after I’m done?”

“Lets be honest, Lloyd. We both know you’ll pass out of spite. Fitz and everyone else is gonna keep a close eye for the next year or so. We have to stop.”

“Fine.”

“Don’t be a brat about it!”

“I’m not!”

“Lloyd-”

“You enjoy my company and I enjoy yours. You enjoy me fucking you and I love all the ways you fuck me. You’re 25 and I’m 26. We’re both consenting adults, so what’s the issue?”

“We’re killers,” you shrug simply as Lloyd lets out a frustrated sigh.

“It’s not like I’m aiming to be your boyfriend.”

“Don’t play dumb.”

“I should go,” he sighs, looking over at your alarm clock.

“I guess so.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Y/N-”

“Don’t do what, Lloyd?”

“It gets frustrating, not knowing what you want!”

“I just told you! But I can’t have what I want and neither can you. This is something stupid that we shouldn’t have started.”

“Why shouldn’t we have?” he questions; one of his hands traveling down between your legs.

“Lloyd,” you moan.

“Didn’t answer my question, baby,” he husks..

“Stop it,” you moan pathetically.

“No.”

“Lloyd-”

“Give me a good reason.”

“When you make me feel like this, it’s hard,” you whimper.

“Such a good girl,” he chuckles before kissing you deeply.

“We have to stop,” you breathe once you two break away, lulling your head back as he continues to tease your clit with his fingertips.

“We don’t want to.”

“Lloyd-”

“Fine, if tonight is our last night, I think we should make the most of it, don’t you?”

“We should, Daddy,” you moan, biting your bottom lip as he brings you off.

You let Lloyd fuck you like a rag doll two more times, before you decide it’s time for you two to call it a night. Once again, you force yourself to get over sexual desires for Lloyd and focus on the tasks at hand. The problem? Hes now become a drug you crave. Yeah, it’s just sex, but it’s the best fucking sex you’ve ever had. It doesn’t help that Lloyd is annoyingly handsome fully clothed, and the only thing that your mind goes to is the thought of him naked and treating you like a little whore.

When it comes to missions and watching him take control, you basically have to zone out, because he’s too fucking good at being terrifying and menacing; which is apparently a kink for you. Though, you are proud of the improvements hes made. Yeah, it’s probably for show so he can get the fuck out of there, but hes taken real strides to work on his methods of torture and holding back. You can always tell when he’s holding back on doing what he wants, because he clenches his fists and his jaw tightens; something else that makes you feral.

By the time it’s the week of your birthday, you’re ready to throw in the towel early become a recluse.

“Y/N!!!” Taj screams once you answer her call.

“Whatever you‘re thinking of saying, just know I’m working and I’m in the car with my associates.” you laugh.

“Goddammit, hi,” she scowls as you burst out laughing. “Stop working, it’s your fucking birthday!”

“It’s my fucking birthday, tomorrow,” you chuckle “and I’ll be off then.”

“What do you wanna do?”

“I won’t be working, so I honestly don’t care.”

“Good to know since I took the day off.”

“Taj!” you exclaim as you park the car.

“What? Your special day is a national holiday!”

“You are, as the kids say, annoying,” you chuckle as you screw the silencer on to your gun.

“Blah blah blah,” she mumbles “the world of waste management will survive without you for a bit. Do you have any idea of what you wanna do?”

“Taj, you know I didn’t think I’d make it this far and I’m just winging it, at this point. Whatever you come up with is fine, babe.”

“You wanna go skating?”

“Skating like rollerblading or skating like ice skating?”

“Rollerblading. Bitch, I’m too old to be on ice skates,” she laughs and you laugh along with her.

Though he does his best to hide it, you catch Lloyd chuckling from the corner of your eye.

“I wanna drink, Taj,” you giggle as you turn your car off.

“I know the perfect place!”

“No.”

“Oh, it’ll be so much fun!”

“Taji!”

“No time for you to be a little brat, you have work to do,” she practically sings as you roll your eyes. “Call me when you’re home?”

“Don’t I always?”

“I love you!”

“I love you, too,” you laugh before hanging up. When you look over to Lloyd, you scoff at the shit eating grin on his face. “What?”

“Your birthday is tomorrow?”

“So it would seem.”

“Ya know, you don’t have to answer her every time she calls.”

“Oh yes I do, if I don’t, she freaks the fuck out.”

“Why is that?”

“Another story for another time, Hansen,” you smirk before loading your gun. “Are we all ready?” you ask, looking from him to Suzanne.

“Lead the way,” she instructs.

As par for the course, you let Lloyd the mission, and you’re happy with what you see. You’re sure he’ll graduate in a couple of weeks, you’ll retire, and everything will be better.

Everything will be as it should.      

“Suzanne is under the impression that something is going on between you and Lloyd,” your Father scowls as you take a seat in his office after returning from the mission.

“Suzanne needs to mind her own fucking business,” you mutter as you toss down your assessment from the mission.

“Y/N, I told you-”

“Nothing is going on, we just get along. You didn’t say I wasn’t allowed to get along with the man.”

“Don’t. You know what happened the last time-”

“You don’t need to remind me. I remember better than anyone else,” you snap harshly.

Your Father lets out a deep sigh before throwing down the file. “I’m tired of arguing with you, Y/N.”

“Then stop trying to fucking control me all the time.”

“I’m trying to protect you.”

“You can’t keep using that excuse!”

“It’s not an excuse!”

You’re ready to yell, but you stop yourself, knowing it won’t get you anywhere. “I’m done talking about it. Nothing’s going on, so just leave it at that. I’ll see you on Saturday night.”

“You’re not coming over at all tomorrow?”

“Taj beat you to it. We’ll just do something Saturday night,” you shrug.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, night,” you smile weakly before getting up and heading out.

You walk past Suzanne and glare at her.

Fucking snitch.

By the time you get home, you’re ready for bed, but the sight of Taj on your porch with different bottles of alcohol in her hands, has you cracking up and knowing you’re night is just getting started.

She has you dancing, laughing your ass off, and drunk in almost an hour and a half.

“So,” she giggles as you two sit down on your sofa “Lloyd.”

“What about him?”

“What’s going on there?”

“Why do you think there’s something going on?”

“Well, for starters, you gave him your personal number,” she smirks, nodding towards phone.

“Dammit,” you groan, looking over to see that hes text you twice. “We’re just fucking around. Well, we were. We stopped.”

“What?! Why?!” she exclaims with a pout and you laugh.

“It’s just not a good idea. If we get caught-”

“You’re almost out, Y/N. Why-”

“Almost out isn’t out, and if we get caught, it’s bad for him. He’s putting in the work, and I don’t want to be the reason he doesn’t succeed.”

“Oh, so you like him?” she giggles.

“I do not like him,” you scoff.

“Uh huh.”

“I don’t!”

“This is a safe space, babe. You don’t have to lie to me.”

“Oh, fuck off,” you mutter, grabbing your phone as she bursts out laughing.

American Psycho: Come over.

American Psycho: Daddy wants to give you a pearl necklace for your birthday.

Y/N: Lol I can’t and you know that.

American Psycho: I can come to you.

Y/N: We both agreed, Lloyd. Besides, I’m too drunk to fuck, Taj is over and the last thing I need to do is drive.

American Psycho: I can come over and give you both one.

Y/N: LMAO

American Psycho: Can’t say I didn’t try.

Y/N: Lol go away, Lloyd

American Psycho: Enjoy your night, Doll Face.

You roll your eyes and throw your phone down on the table.

“What does he want?” Taj asks she pours the both of you another drink.

“A threesome,” you laugh as she almost chokes on her spit.

“Yeah no, I’m not drunk enough for that.”

“Rude!”

“Who says I was talking about you? Why should I have to share you?”

“Taj!” you laugh incredulously as she starts cracking up at the shocked expression on your face.

“You did that to yourself,” she chuckles “does he wanna come over?”

“Of course he does, but I told him that we both agreed to stop.”

“Do you want to stop?”

“Fuck no, he’s best the fuck I’ve ever had,” you groan sinking back into the sofa.

“Just be careful.”

“Someone already voiced their concern,” you mutter, rolling your eyes.

“Ew!”

“Exactly, I can’t keep sneaking around because I love the sex.”

“And like him.”

“I don’t like him! Besides, Lloyd does not seem like the type of man who does relationships. He fucks.”

“Has he been fucking anyone else besides you?”

“More than likely, he doesn’t like to go a long time with his dick in his pants.”

“But you haven’t?”

“I haven’t had any time,” you scowl. “Besides, I do want a relationship. A real one that leads to marriage, children, and dying together at an old age.”

“Then why-”

“He’s just something to pass the time. I never had any intention of pursuing anything with him,” you sigh, finishing off your drink.

“Then why do you seem so bummed about it?”

“I’m just bummed with my life right now, but things will change. I just feel like a child. I’m turning 26 in an hour, but I’m not fucking someone because my Father said I can’t. What fucking sense does that make? Someone snitched, ugh, I’m getting myself worked up!” you grunt before sitting up. “I don’t wanna talk about this anymore. Let’s dance,” you smile at Taj.

“Babe, are you sure?”

“Yeah, I have every other day to be sad. I refuse to be sad on my birthday.”

“Guess it’s a good thing you have me,” she smirks, before getting up and turning up the music, loud.

As the night goes on, and you both get drunker, you can’t get Lloyd out of your head and you don’t know why. Ever since Taj asked if he’s fucking anyone else, your mind can’t stop wondering about it. Is he? And if he is, why do you care? You don’t. There’s nothing to care about.

It’s Lloyd.

Yeah, he’s come a long way since you first met him, but he’s still Lloyd. Taj stops the music, pulling you out of your thoughts, and starts singing ‘Happy Birthday’ loud and off-key.

“Please stop,” you laugh, stumbling a bit.

“I love you, you crazy bitch!” she hums, clumsily making her way over to you and wrapping you in a tight hug.

“Thank you for sticking by my side,” you whisper, wrapping her in a hug just as tight.

“Always and forever, babe. We got this,” she smiles at you before you two break apart. “Now lets get back to...oop! Your sex toy is calling,” she laughs.

“Oh God,” you laugh, doing your best to quickly grab your phone and a pack of cigarettes. “I’ll be taking this outside!”

“I bet you will,” she laughs, turning the music back on.

“Hello?” you laugh, closing the door behind you and taking out a cigarette.

“Are you having a house party without me?”

“It’s a party of two,” you giggle, lighting your cigarette. “How may I help you, Mr. Hansen?”

“Oh, I like that.”

“Lloyd,” you laugh.

“I just wanted to gift you the compliment of you being the best fuck I’ve ever had. Since you cut me off, I’ve trying out new candidates, and I’ve been disappointed every single time.”

“I thought you were a master hunter,” you scoff, feeling irritated for reasons you don’t understand.

“Oh? Is someone jealous?”

“You’ve clearly had enough to drink,” you laugh.

“We could just start back.”

“It’s not like I’ll be the only person you’ll be fucking.”

“You’ll be my top priority.”

“You’re annoying,” you laugh, taking a drag from your cigarette.

“Why? Am I the only guy you’re fucking?”

“It’s not like I have much time to go out and have fun.”

“Would my good little girl like me to stop until the playing field is even?”

“No, because we’re done.”

“Sure we are.”

“You need to sleep, you have training tomorrow.”

“Yeah, but it’s with Suzanne.”

“So?”

“Suzanne sucks,” he scowls and you start laughing.

“I want you to be on your best behavior for her, like you are for me.”

“Yeah, but you reward me when I’m a good boy.”

“Go to sleep, Lloyd,” you laugh, putting out your cigarette.

“Happy Birthday, Doll Face.”

“Thank you, Lloyd.”

“Night.”

“Good night,” you smile before hanging up.

You stand there for a moment, thinking over all of your feelings and emotions. The only reason that you’re annoyed that Lloyd’s fucking around is because he has free time and you don’t. Of course, he could use his free time to practice and train, but he won’t because he doesn’t need to.

Cocky fuck.

When you get back inside, Taj is dancing on top of the coffee table to the Spice Girls.

“So, what was that about?”

“Nothing,” you laugh as you pour yourself a shot.

“That was a long time to be outside to talk about nothing.”

“Taj.”

“Whatever you say, Buttercup,” she smirks at you before going back to dancing.

At some point, you two go upstairs and fall asleep. You don’t even remember falling asleep, but soon enough, you’re awoken by Taj bringing you breakfast from your favorite diner and a mimosa.

“I feel like we drank all the alcohol in the world last night,” you laugh as you sit up.

“Oh, that was nothing.”

“Taj!”

“You can recover tomorrow. Today, we party,” she grins mischievously.

You two spend the day watching your favorite movies, eating your favorite junk, and talking about all of the things that make you smile.

“We should start getting ready!” she squeals in delight when she checks the time.

“We’re just going skating,” you laugh, as you get up and make your way into the kitchen, grabbing two glasses and a bottle of whiskey.

“Oh, we’re getting you laid.”

“When did I agree to this?”

“When I decided it just now. Now, lets get you dressed and looking like a whore,” she giggles ominously.

“Oh God!”

“Oh yes!”

While she’s in the middle of doing your hair, your phone buzzes and a small stupid smile comes to your face.

American Psycho: You’re not allowed to leave me alone with Suzanne ever again.

Y/N: Lol were you a good little boy?

American Psycho: Yes Mommy.

Y/N: Knew you could do it.

American Psycho: Does your good little boy get a reward?

Y/N: Maybe, if I’m drunk enough later, you’ll get a video or two.

American Psycho: Now that’s just torture. I get to watch you play with that beautiful little pussy, but I can’t even put my mouth on it?

Y/N: Someone’s needy.

American Psycho: Only for you, Mommy.

Y/N: I’m gonna go now, be a good boy.

You don’t know how much longer you’re going to be able to abide by your own rules.

“Smiling pretty hard for someone who doesn’t have a crush,” Taj teases as she curls the last bit of your hair.

“It’s just sex. I don’t even know a thing about him.”

“You clearly know enough. Just because you don’t know his life story, doesn’t mean you don’t know enough to feel something for him other than a wet pussy.”

“No thank you. He’s still sleeping with other women anyway, so there’s clearly nothing on his end anyway.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Why do you want this so bad?”

“He makes you smile, he makes you laugh, he fucks like a God apparently, and you just seem a little lighter now. I don’t know, I haven’t seen you like this in a while and it just makes me happy,” she shrugs.

“He’s just a guy I’m training, babe. Nothing more and nothing less.”

“Whatever you say,” she sighs.

You two continue to drink and dance while you both get ready (Taj picking out your outfit to ensure that you get laid), and soon enough, you’re feeling pretty fucking good.

“Why the fuck did I think that drinking and rollerblading would be a good thing?” you laugh as you both hold each other up and try get around the rink.

“Cause you’re a fucking genius,” Taj giggles before looking up. “Well, well, well,” she smirks.

“Oh, you’ve gotta be shitting me,” you groan as you follow her gaze.

Lloyd is leaning against the wall, smirking at you, with his arms folded across his chest. He’s got on black dress pants, a tight black Henley shirt, and a leather jacket.

You’re ready to fuck him on the spot.

“I’d fuck him in public,” Taj muses as she does her best to smoothly maneuver you both over to where he’s standing with Denny.

“I did,” you groan and the gasp that leaves Taj’s mouth has you doubled over laughing.

“Stop! You’re gonna make us fall!” she laughs, trying to keep her balance.

“That was an issue before I started laughing,” you chuckle, also trying to stay upright while trying to catch your breath.

You both barely make it to the wall upright and arrive with a thud, both of you laughing incredibly hard.

“Hello boys,” Taj breathes out, only making you laugh harder. “Have a drink with us?”

“Looks like you’ve both had enough for the whole place,” Lloyd chuckles, his gaze on you soft.

“This is nothing,” you giggle, finally regaining your composure. “Hi Denny,” you smile at Carmichael, who is watching both you and Taj with pure amusement in his eyes.

“Y/N,” he nods towards you.

“Taj, this is Denny Carmichael and Lloyd Hansen,” you say politely, trying to remember your manners.

“Nice to meet the both of you,” she smiles at them, but her eyes subtly look over Denny.

And she’s gone.

“What brings you out tonight?” you question Lloyd.

“Felt like skating,” he smirks.

“Cause you seem like a guy who’s big on skating.”

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” he agrees with a seductive and low tone.

“Denny, grab a drink with me,” Taj smirks, letting go of you and giving you a wink.

“I’d love to,” he chuckles as she takes his arm.

“Lloyd,” you start once they’re out of ear shot “what are you doing here?”

“You know why I’m here,” he growls “and judging by your outfit, you have intentions of going home with someone other than Taj.”

“Jealous?”

“Lets just say,” he husks moving in closer to you “I don’t like sharing my toys.”

“Lloyd-”

“Come home with me tonight,” he almost begs. “You and I both know you won’t regret it.” You look over at Taj and see that she’s having a very good time with Denny. “She’ll be fine with him. What do you say?”

You look up at him through your thick lashes and bite your bottom lip.

Fuck.

“Lloyd!” you whimper, arching your back as your hands run through his hair. “Fuck, you eat this pussy so fucking good, Daddy!”

The entire drive to his place, you blow him and ignore all of the voices in your head that are telling you it’s a bad idea. The minute you stepped foot in his house, his hands were all over you, ripping off your clothes before sitting you on the counter and fingering you. After he brought you off twice, he carried you upstairs, threw you on his bed, and he’s been a menace ever since.

“You like the way Daddy eats your pussy, baby?” Lloyd husks as he looks up at you, sliding two fingers into your soaked cunt and fucking you intensely.

“Mhm, you’re so fucking good to me! Fuck, that’s it!”

“My good little girl wants to cum?”

“Please! God, please and then fuck me! Need you to fuck me!”

“You’re so fucking pathetic,” he chuckles darkly. “But fuck, you look amazing all blissed out.”

“Lloyd please! I need it!”

“Alright baby, cum for me, then Daddy’s gonna give you that pearl necklace you want so bad, Honey,” he smirks before kissing the inside of your thigh.

“Fuck!” you cry out, as you feel yourself come undone for him for what feels like the millionth time.

“The best little slut,” he growls before kissing his way up your body. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted you naked and fucked out on my bed?”

“Lloyd,” you moan as he softly licks the side of your neck.

“You’re the most amazing fuck, and you expect us to just stop? You expect me to give you up?” he questions hotly against your ear as he thrusts himself inside of you.

“Never want you to!” you cry out, digging your nails into his shoulder. “Never want you to get tired of me, baby,” you confess, too drunk and blissed out to mask your emotions from either of you.

“You don’t have to worry about that,” he chuckles before sitting up, gripping your hips, and thrusting into you hard and fast.

“Fuck!”

“I’ve been gentle with you tonight and I fucking shouldn’t be,” he grunts, lust filling his heated gaze on you, as he watches you writhe beneath him; your hands clawing at him because you’re so desperate to feel him. “spoiled little shit!”

“ ‘m so sorry, Daddy! I won’t do it again! I promise!”

“Yeah, you’re gonna stop denying me your perfect little body? Gonna stop denying me you?”

“Shit!” you moan, meeting his heated gaze.

“Didn’t answer my fucking question, Doll Face!”

“Lloyd, you can have anything you want from me,” you cry out, the knot in your core starting to tighten in the most pleasurable way.

“Jesus babygirl!” Lloyd groans, his grip on your waist becoming painfully tight.

“Baby please!”

“Give it to me, Doll Face,” he encourages with a grunt.

“FUCK!” you scream out, squirting on his cock hard.

“You’re a fucking dream,” he grunts, pulling out of you, forcing your legs together before straddling you and working his way up your body, as he starts jerking himself off. “You want Daddy to give you that necklace, Honey?”

“Please!” you mindlessly and pathetically beg as you grip his thighs.

“Jesus!” he yells, painting your chest with his cum as you moan in delight.

Lloyd takes his time covering your chest with his seed before smirking and watching as you desperately scoop up every bit; and you can tell by the look on his face that he’s pleased with the sounds that leave your mouth.

“Happy Birthday, Doll Face,” he smirks before dipping down and kissing your forehead.

“Thank you, Daddy,” you giggle up at him when he sits up.

“What the fuck am I gonna do with you?”

“Fuck me,” you plead with a pout.

“Give me a minute,” he laughs before getting off of you. “You want anything from downstairs?”

“A drink,” you shrug, sitting up and looking around his room.

It feels very...him.

“You don’t think you’ve had enough?”

“It’s my birthday, Lloyd. I can do whatever I want,” you nod and he just laughs. “In fact, get yourself a glass too. We’re drinking and fucking,” you smirk and he bursts out laughing.

“Are you always full of surprises?”

“I try to be,” you smile before pulling your knees to your chest and laying your head on them.

Lloyd looks as if he’s about to say something, but stops himself before shaking his head, smiling and walking out. Left alone with your drunken thoughts, you try to figure out just what the fuck it is you’re doing. Why can’t you just turn it off? Why is your attraction to him so strong? Is he even as attracted to you as you are to him?

What the fuck are you doing?

When Lloyd walks back in, you bite your bottom lip to suppress a moan and he smirks at you.

“Like what you see?”

“Mhm,” you moan.

“You are definitely not what I expected,” he chuckles as he places the glasses down and pours you both a glass of bourbon.

“And what were you expecting?”

“To break you in.”

“Happy or disappointed?”

“Oh, I’m very happy, Doll Face,” he smirks before kissing your forehead. “This is for you, by the way. Happy Birthday,” he shrugs, placing a small box next to your glass before taking a seat at his desk and crossing one leg over the other.

“You didn’t have to get me anything, Lloyd.”

“I saw it and thought of you. No big deal,” he mumbles before taking a sip of his drink.

You remain silent but cock an eyebrow before untying the black velvet lace around the white box. You’re expecting some sort of sex toy, but a silent gasp leaves you when you see what’s inside.

“Lloyd-”

“Do you like it?”

“It’s gorgeous,” you marvel as you hold up the diamond bracelet that has a heart pendant at the center of it.

“To go with that necklace you love so much. You can wear it as a set, if you want.”

“Lloyd, you didn’t have to spend this much on me. You didn’t have to spend anything on me.”

“Not a big deal, Doll Face. I saw it, thought you’d like it, so I got it.”

“Thank you,” you smile at him before getting up and making your way over to him, sitting in his lap once he puts his leg down. “How can I show you just how thankful I am?”

“Keep letting me cum wherever I want,” he smirks and you burst out laughing.

“You can do whatever you want to me, Daddy,” you smirk before kissing him deeply.

His arms wrap around your waist and he pulls you close to him. It feels like heaven, and you hate that you don’t want to give it up. Give him up.

“Whatever I want?” he breathes once you two break apart.

“Mhm.”

“You’re done with telling me no?”

“Well, I’m clearly not very good at it,” you mutter as he chuckles.

“We’ll be careful, Doll Face.”

“Suzanne already told my Father that she thinks something’s going on.”

“Fuck!”

“Hell, she could’ve been at the roller rink tonight, just like you.”

“She can’t prove that we did anything even if she was.”

“Whether she can or can’t, we’re clearly hellbent on fucking each other, so we have to be smarter about how we go about it.”

“Do you want to stop?”

“Lloyd, it’s almost 12am and I’m in your bedroom, on your lap, and my pussy is soaked. Does it seem like I want to stop?”

“I’ll be a good boy at work,” he promises as he slides a hand between your legs and starts to tease your clit.

“No more fucking in front of everyone,” you moan as you lean your forehead against his.

“I’ll only fuck you in private,” he smirks and you giggle with a whimper.

“And no more lingering gazes.”

“Then don’t look so fucking sexy when you come to work.”

“There’s nothing sexy about me when I’m at work.”

“Doll Face, you’re joking, right? The shirts? The skirts?”

“They all come from the half off rack at Burlington,” you laugh.

“Yeah, but this body doesn’t,” he groans before sliding two fingers into your intimate folds. “You are so fucking perfect, Y/N. It drives me crazy.”

“Yeah Daddy? I’m the perfect little whore?”

“Perfect and I swear you were made just for me!”

“Fuck!” you cry out, coming undone all over his fingers. “If we’re gonna keep this up, we’re both gonna have to do better.”

“I promise, Doll Face,” he breathes out before kissing your cheek. “You should stay over tonight.”

“Lloyd.”

“I wanna finish tonight with my cock in your ass, and start my day with my face between your legs.”

“I shouldn’t,” you moan, feeling his tongue run along the base of your neck.

“Daddy doesn’t like that answer, Cupcake,” he growls before forcing your legs open and slapping your pussy.

“Shit!”

“Tell Daddy what he wants to hear or I’ll punish you all night.”

“It’s not-”

“Not what I want to hear,” he taunts, slapping your pussy again.

“Lloyd!”

“Are you gonna stay?”

“Mmm, Daddy!”

“Oh, you want me to keep slapping your cunt? You’re getting off on it?”

“Feels so fucking good!”

“Are you gonna stay?”

“I’ll do whatever you want! Just please!”

“Such a good girl,” he chuckles before slapping your pussy again.

You and Lloyd stay up all night, fucking, drinking, and talking. He makes good on his word and finishes off in your ass. Since you soaked his bed, he changes the sheets while you go in the bathroom and clean yourself off.

“Pretty sure I’m gonna have to get a new mattress soon if we keep at it like this,” he teases once you get back in his bed.

“You’re the one who decided to keep your vibrator ring on my clit while you fucked me in the ass,” you yawn.

“I just love destroying you,” he laughs as you smirk and shake your head. “You okay?”

“I’m perfect.”

“Yes you are,” he agrees before kissing your shoulder. “Good night, Doll Face.”

“Lloyd?”

“Hm?”

“This is all just sex, right?”

He’s hesitant before he says, “of course.”

You don’t believe him, but shrug it off anyway. Too tired to press the matter, you just curl up under the covers and sigh, “Goodnight, Lloyd,” you sigh before drifting off into dream land.

Once again, keeping his word, you’re awoken with Lloyd’s tongue fucking you, while his thumb teases your clit.

“You’re gonna make me never want to leave,” you moan as you grip his hair. You feel his smirk and you grind your cunt against his face.

Jackass.

“Daddy...daddy, I’m so close, holy shit!” you squeal, arching your back as your toes curl. When he changes up, licking and sucking on your clit before sliding three fingers into your dripping cunt, your free hand grips his pillow as a wave of release washes over you. “LLOYD!” you scream as he continues to fuck you through your high.

You hate how much you never tire of him. How much neither of you tire of each other.

He takes his time kissing up your body, letting you know (in his own way) how much he appreciates it, before finally kissing you deeply. “I want to keep you handcuffed to my bed all day,” he husks once you two break apart.

“Mommy has things to do today,” you reply with a pout.

“You can’t talk like that expect me to want to let you go.”

“Be a good boy. I’ll take care of you and that greedy cock in a few days.”

“A few days?”

“It’s not like you’re not going to drown yourself in someone else’s pussy.”

“But I want to drown in yours, Mommy,” he whispers as his hand slides between your legs, teasing your clit.

“Lloyd,” you warn with a moan.

“Just one time? Please?”

“You know Mommy doesn’t like it when you’re being a spoiled little brat.”

“And you know I hate not getting what I want,” growls against your neck before biting it.

“Fuck!”

“I’ll be so fucking good, Mommy.”

“Once, Lloyd.”

“Sure,” he smirks before thrusting himself inside of you.

Lloyd has you three times before you force yourself to throw in the towel.

“I need something to wear home,” you pant once he collapses next to you.

“I can take you home just like this.”

“You can’t take me anywhere. I’m getting a car service.”

“Why-”

“In case someone is watching. The last thing I need my Father raking me over the coals about is you driving me home. I need something to wear.”

“This is stupid.”

“We’ve talked about this a handful of times. Don’t start.”

“At the end of the month, I can’t fuck you at all, but I have to wait a few days to even fuck you again?”

“Don’t start whining,” you sigh as you sit up. “Neither of us like it, but it is what it is.”

“What about if I stayed?”

“Stayed where?”

“With your Father’s company.”

“I mean, the chances are slim to none, cause my Father hates you.”

“Most people do,” he smirks.

“Besides, you’re the one who wants to be the CIA’s whipping boy, so why stay?”

“Well, it’s not like you make it sound all that great.”

“It just...it is what it is,” you sigh, feeling a little bit of sadness yourself, as you look over at him. “Now, I need clothes.”

He gives you one of his Harvard crew necks, which practically swallows you, and you order a car service.

“I want to see you tomorrow,” he mutters as you both stand outside and wait for the car to pull up.

“Stop it.”

“Why?”

“Lloyd-”

“I don’t like not getting what I want.”

“Welcome to the real world, Sweet Boy.”

“I don’t see why your Father doesn’t like me anyway. I’ve never done anything to piss him off.”

“I don’t know, baby. Maybe because you’re just a little unhinged at times,” you smirk and he chuckles as the car pulls up. “I gotta go,” you sigh, turning to walk away.

You turn to walk away, but Lloyd’s arm wraps around your waist pulls you close. Before you can say anything, his lips are on yours and he’s engulfing you in an all consuming kiss. You know you should pull away, but it’s Lloyd and you can never resist him. It’s bad enough that you two keep tip-toeing the line of fucking and something more, but it’s Lloyd. You can’t stop yourself, no matter how bad much you want to.

“I have to go,” you breathe once you two break apart.

“I know,” he pants, gripping you harder.

“Lloyd...this is all just sex...right?”

“Yes...of course it is.”

“Lloyd-”

“I mean it, Doll Face. You’re the best fuck I’ve ever had, and I’m not ready to give you...it up yet.”

“If you say so,” you chuckle softly, going to leave again, but Lloyd’s grip on you you doesn’t soften. “Lloyd-”

“I know...I’ll see you Monday,” he sighs, finally letting go of you.

You place a soft kiss on his cheek and let him go. “Come over on Tuesday night, okay?”

“You better your ass, Doll Face.”

“Bye,” you giggle before escaping down the steps and getting into the car that’s been waiting for you.

The ride to your house isn’t a long one, but it’s long enough that you rack your brain trying to figure out what’s wrong with you, and just exactly what the fuck is going on between you and Lloyd. You look down at the bracelet he gave you and you scowl. Yeah, he said it’s no big deal, but that doesn’t stop it from feeling like one. Why can’t you grow tired of him and why does it matter that he’s sleeping around?

He’s not your boyfriend and you don’t want him to be.

“Here, Miss,” the driver smiles at you, pulling you out of your mental debate.

“Thank you,” you smile softly, grabbing your clutch before getting out of the car.

You’re ready to start your little mental debate back up, but before you can, you look up to see Taj walking up to your door, also in only an Harvard crew neck. You both burst out laughing at the sight of each other, knowing that the both of you had an extremely good night.

“So, I see that someone had some fun last night,” you smirk as you unlock your front door.

“We clearly should’ve gone to Harvard,” she sighs as she throws her clutch on your little table by your door.

“Are you gonna see him again?”

“Yeah, I basically made him ask me on a date. I could tell he wanted to, but he seemed scared, so I told him that next Friday, he’s picking me up at 6 and we’re going out to dinner.”

“What’s it like to be fearless?”

“Pretty fucking great, not gonna lie,” she shrugs before looking at your arm. “Holy shit!”

“Oh, that,” you scoff looking down at the bracelet on your wrist.

“Oh no.”

“It’s nothing,” you mumble, plopping down on your sofa.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You know better than to lie to me.”

“He’s just so fucking annoying,” you scowl as Taj starts laughing. “Of course, he says it’s not a big deal, he saw it and thought of me-”

“Awh!”

“Taj!”

“That’s fucking sweet! I don’t care what either of you idiots say, you both like each other. Why not go on a date and give it a try?”

“Because I don’t want to date him.”

“Why not?”

“Because...he sucks.”

“Didn’t know you were 5.”

“I hate you,” you mutter and she starts laughing again “for one, he’s high maintenance. You know how much I can’t stand that shit. Two, he’s such a winy little brat. He’s so fucking entitled, spoiled little fuck. Three, he can be pretty fucking heartless at times, and I don’t need another man like that in my life. Four, he’s fucking obsessed with himself...oh fuck,” you groan as you lay your head back and Taj bursts out laughing.

“There it is!”

“No, I can fix this. No. No. NO!”

“You like him!”

“Stop saying that!”

“You won’t give me the satisfaction of knowing I’m right just this once?”

“Not when it comes to this. Set me up on a date.”

“What? No!”

“Taj, please! I really don’t...PLEASE!”

“Why not just go on a date with him?”

“Because NO! Taj, I just...no, I don’t want to be in like with Lloyd Hansen of all fucking people. Besides, he’s still out getting his dick wet in whatever he can, so I really shouldn’t-”

“He clearly likes you too, babe,” she sighs, motioning towards the bracelet on your arm.

“No, he doesn’t. This means nothing to him.”

“Pretty pricey for it to mean nothing.”

“As if money matters to him. You’ve seen him, does it really look like money is something he worries about? Hell, I just spent the night at his house, I know it doesn’t matter to him.”

“Y/N-”

“No Taj, just trust me on this. He’s not the man you want me to end up with. Please, just set me up on a date with that doctor friend of yours. The one whose been asking for my number.”

“I don’t like this, at all, and don’t think it’s a good idea...but I’ll do it,” she sighs heavily.

“Thank you.”

“Yup.”

“Oh, don’t be fucking mad at me!”

“He makes you happy, Y/N!”

“He’s not good for me! Ugh, why are we arguing about this?!”

“Because, once again, you’re not doing something that’ll make you happy-”

“Being with Lloyd won’t make me happy!”

“Then why can’t you stay away from him? And don’t give me some bullshit answer about how it’s just sex.”

“That’s really all it is!”

“Okay.”

“Stop that!”

“Y/N, one of these days, you’re gonna need to realize that the person stopping you from being happy is you,” she sighs as she gets up. “I’ll call you when I get home.”

“You need clothes,” you mutter annoyed that somehow, without even trying, Lloyd has ruined your day.

“I’ll be fine. I’ll text Bryan when I get home and let you know. I love you,” she all but mumbles as she leaves.

You let out a frustrated scream and stomp your feet like a petulant child, before checking the time.

1:30.

Great, now you’ve got to get ready to spend time with your Father, which is the last thing you want. You take your time showering, washing the previous nights sexcapade off of you, and ignore the fact that you’re insanely pissed with yourself for falling for Lloyd.

How the fuck did it even happen?

At what point, did you brain decide that you like Lloyd as more than just a fuck toy? No, it’s total bullshit. It’s gotta be, because it makes no fucking sense. Sure, he makes you laugh sometimes, and can be kind when he feels like it, but you’ve barely spent enough time with him to actually have real feelings. Great sex doesn’t mean he’s worthy of your time. Being attractive as all shit, doesn’t mean he’s a good candidate for the fairy tale life you want.

Besides, he doesn’t even want that shit, so why even entertain the idea of that shit?

By the time you arrive at your Father’s house, you’ve worked yourself into a frenzy.

“What did I do wrong this time?” he sighs as he pouts you a glass of wine.

“What? Oh, nothing. It’s nothing you’ve done, this one’s on me.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Lets not pretend that parenting is actually your strong suit.”

“I’m trying, Y/N.”

“I know you are and I appreciate it, but you don’t have to.”

“Well, how was your birthday?”

“Good, Taj and I got drunk and went skating. It’s what I needed.”

“And how is Taj?”

“She’s fine. Just as much Taj as shes always been,” you mumble looking down at your hands.

“Y/N, what’s wrong? I know you usually hate hanging out with me, but this isn’t you.”

“I just...I’m not saying this to start an argument. I just really fucking wish this wasn’t my life. Yeah, I’m out at the end of the month, goody, but the damage is done. I never feel normal around other people, and I even feel selfish for having Taj as a best friend. Every time I hangout with her, I feel like I’m putting her in danger. Why? Because I have enemies, and so do you. Hell, me being your daughter probably doubles my list. Now, I’m gonna start dating and I want to get married and have kids, but how the fuck can I do that? I’ve barely ever lived that life. The closest I got was college and we all saw how much of a shit show that was. So, what options do I have left after that? Date someone in our line of work? I did that and I ended up having to kill him and almost killed myself. So, that’s my fucking issue. I’m 26 and I don’t have a fucking clue what I’m doing,” you mutter, wiping away the few tears you cried before taking a sip of wine.

Your Father lets out a deep sigh before taking a seat across from you at the kitchen isle. “Ya know, for a time, I wanted the same thing you want now. I tried.”

“What?”

“I tried to be the guy that could have a family, work a respectable job, be open and loving...I tried to be normal.”

“What happened?”

“I felt like you feel now. No matter how much I tried to fit into that role, I couldn’t because it wasn’t for me. Squares don’t fit into a circle. That life stopped being an option for me a long time ago. When I met your Mother, I had just decided to stop trying. She didn’t want anything except a night of fun, and I was good at that so I was more than happy to give her what she wanted. Fast forward two months, she found me and told me the news. You’re right, I didn’t want you. It obviously wasn’t anything you’d done, I just wasn’t capable of being a Father. How the fuck was I supposed to love and care for you, when that’s never been something I’ve done? I tried and I sucked at it. However, your Mother,” he smirks with a scoff “she was over the moon about you. Couldn’t wait. I told her I’d pay for the abortion and she almost stabbed me. Maybe that’s where you get it from, anyway, she was hellbent on having you and I wasn’t about to be a deadbeat like my own Father. So, I decided to suck it up and marry her. No, it wasn’t ideal and she wasn’t necessarily happy about the line of work I was in, but she accepted it. Somewhere deep down inside, she did love me and I tried my hardest to love her. I think that’s what hurt her the most. She saw me trying, but it was plain as day that it was something I just wasn’t capable of. Anyway, fast forward to the day that you were born...I had an attitude the entire time I drove to the hospital,” he laughs softly. “You were already fucking up my life and you hadn’t even gotten here yet. I was supposed to be going on a mission for Fitzroy, but your Mother called right before I was about to leave and Fitz insisted that I go. When I got there, your Mother in all her glory, was throwing ice chips at the nurses and threatening to kill everyone if they didn’t get you out of her soon. Honestly, your Mother could’ve done what we do. Nonetheless, 9 hours later, you were brought into the world. Your Mother was exhausted, but she was over the moon. She made me hold you, and it was the first time someone was genuinely happy to see me. Your big innocent eyes, the smile that was plastered across your face...I loved you instantly. So, I decided to try again.

No, I wasn’t around as much as I should’ve been, but I was there on family park days, I tucked you in, I sang you lullabies when you would start screaming bloody murder at 3am, I never missed a beach day. I tried. Your Mother and I bonded, and for just a moment, I thought I’d finally done it. I was with someone who accepted me as I was, flaws and all, I had a great kid that loved me, and I was around enough. Then, your Mother got sick. We didn’t tell you, but she and I knew she wasn’t going to make it. She was diagnosed at stage 4, but she didn’t want you to think about that. She wanted to enjoy as much time with you as she could, without you worrying that it would be your last time with her. Then, when the raid happened...there was no way she was gonna let me try and save her. She just wanted you to be safe. It broke my heart, because she was my best friend. She was the first person to come into my life that tolerated me and made an attempt to understand me. She was also the one who understood you the best. But the look she gave me...she just wanted you safe. You cried so much and I did too, in private. However, I still had you and I was determined to keep you safe, so I decided to train you. Of course I noticed the change in your attitude and the way you would look at me. I knew it wasn’t what you wanted, but I figured it was the best way to keep you safe, so even when I can’t be there to protect you, you can protect yourself.

However, you’re not me, which is something I should be grateful for. I am grateful for that. You were determined to have some sort of normalcy because, unlike me, you’re built for it. Yeah, you’re fucking terrifying when you need to be, I’d like to think you got that from both your Mother and I, but you have a huge heart. I know you’ve been going to see that girl in the coma, and you obviously don’t have to. She’s nothing to you, but you care. You don’t want her to be alone, because even though you play the part well, you’re not a monster. You have Taj and you’d burn the world down for that girl if you even think someone has any intention of hurting her. You fell in love, got your heartbroken in the worst way, yet you’re still trying,” he sniffs, wiping his eyes. “The point of this very long winded statement is, you’re going to be fine. You’re going to figure it out and you’ll have the life you want. The kids, the house, the husband, the fucking dog...you’ll get it. Of course, I want you to keep doing this because you’re the best there is, but I always knew you’d stand your ground one day. I am proud of you, Y/N. Yeah, I’m a hard ass, but I see how hard you work, and I see how hard you love. You’re a better person than I could ever be and you came out better than I could’ve ever imagined. You’re gonna be just fine,” your Father finishes with a soft smile as you wipe your eyes.

You slowly get up and round the isle, and wrap your Father in a tight hug.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” he snaps.

“I’m giving my Father a hug, dumbass,” you laugh softly.

“You know I don’t do hugs, Y/N.”

“I promise I won’t tell anyone that you were nice to your only daughter. Ya know what’s weird? It’s actually normal for Father’s to hug their daughters!”

“Always the fucking smart ass,” he laughs as he wraps his arms around you. “I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too.”

“Enough to stay?”

“Lets not ruin the moment.”

“Can’t blame me for trying,” he laughs.

The rest of evening is surprisingly pleasant and you two even watch a movie together, and you honestly don’t remember the last time you two did that. By the time you’re home, you’re feeling so much lighter. However, there’s still one issue.

Lloyd.

While you’re than happy to know that you Father believes you’ll have the life of normalcy you want, and basically gave you his blessing, you still don’t want that person to be Lloyd. It can’t be Lloyd. No matter what Taj thinks.

Oxford Princess: I gave Bryan your number, he’s over the moon and is gonna ask you to dinner on Monday. Just a heads up.

Y/N: Can you not be mad at me about this, please?

Oxford Princess: I’m not mad. You know Lloyd better than I do obviously, so if you’re so sure it’s not even a good idea to try, then who am I to question it?

Y/N: Don’t do that. Don’t just brush it off because you don’t like when we disagree.

Oxford Princess: I’m not brushing it off, but you’re so sure that he’s so terrible, and you would know. So if you say no, no it is.

Y/N: Why do you want me to be with him so bad?

Oxford Princess: It’s not like I want you to marry the kid, but he makes you happy when he isn’t pissing you off. You forget, I fucking know you. I’ve seen it all and I remember that asshole who fucked you over. Yeah, Lloyd fucks you stupid which is something you’ve always craved, but he makes you laugh. Really laugh. You smile whenever you see that he’s the one who text you. I already knew when you started fucking him and you stopped, because your whole mood changed. Someone who has this much of an effect on you...it’s at least worth a date.

Y/N: He doesn’t want the same things that I want. Taj. Even if I do look past all the shit about him that pisses me the fuck off, I’m just setting myself up to get hurt. Oxford Princess: Maybe he feels that way, because hes never found anyone else to make him feel differently.

Y/N: Why should I have to be the crash test dummy?

Oxford Princess: That’s a fair point. Like I said, you know him better than me. If you think this is the best plan of action, then stick to it. I just want you to be happy. I love you, babygirl.

Y/N: I love you.

You sigh as you lay back on the sofa, trying to go through all of the conversations you’ve had today, before your phone starts going off. You groan in frustration before answering it.

“Hello?”

“Awh, what’s wrong, Buttercup?” Lloyd laughs as you hear someone in the background getting dressed.

You don’t like the fact that it makes your blood boil. “It’s been a long day, Lloyd. How may I help you?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Lloyd, what’s up?”

“I know you said Tuesday, but why not Monday?”

“I might not be able to on Monday.”

“Why? You have a date?” he scoffs, which only pisses you off more.

“Yes, in fact, I do.”

“What?!”

“I have a date, Lloyd.”

“What the fuck?! What do you mean you have a date?”

“What part don’t you comprehend?” you snap, but it’s hurting you that you’ve obviously made him upset.

“I didn’t know you were going on dates, Cupcake.”

“I’m sorry, but don’t I hear someone getting dressed right now?”

“Yeah, but she doesn’t mean anything! Sorry Sunshine, but you don’t.”

“Why are you so upset?”

“I’m not.”

“Yeah, okay sure.”

“I’m not, it just took me by surprise. So, what? Is it someone from work?”

“He’s a doctor-”

“A fucking doctor? You can do better than that, Cupcake.”

“Like what? You?”

“Never said that.”

“That’s how you’re acting.”

“I’m not acting like anything.”

“You very clearly have an issue with me going on a date, even though you’re very clearly fucking other women, and now you’re putting him down even though you know nothing about him. I don’t know, seems to me like you’re acting like a winy little brat. As per usual.”

“I don’t give a fuck who or what you do, just don’t come crying to me when the sex is shit.”

“Trust me, I won’t.”

“Fine.”

“Fine!” you huff before hanging up.

Why are you mad? Why is he mad? He says it means nothing to him, so what’s the fucking issue? These thoughts and more run through your head, as you decide to it’s time to say goodnight and make your way upstairs.

Another reason you hate yourself for sleeping over at Lloyd’s.

No, it’s not like you two were cuddled up together or anything, but it was nice to not sleep in an empty bed. You’ll never tell him, but you want to fall asleep next to him again. You want to fall asleep next to someone who isn’t completely foreign to you.

This sucks.

When you wake up, you pull the covers over your head, tired of dealing with any and every thing. You have a ton of work you need to get done, but you don’t care. Nothing really matters anymore and you just want to disappear. When you grab your personal phone off your nightstand, you groan in frustration when you see you have a string of texts from Lloyd.

American Psycho: Listen, I’m not mad that you have a date, I’m annoyed because you didn’t tell me. You and I are very clearly fucking each other and it would’ve been nice to have a heads up, Cupcake.

American Psycho: I don’t even know why you want to go on a date with a fucking doctor of all things. You can do so much better.

American Psycho: It’s not like he’s even going to understand you. You can’t ever be honest with him, even if you do fall in love with him. He’s never going to know the real you. He can’t.

American Psycho: You just expect him to understand one day? You think he’s going be forgiving of all of the shit you’ve done? You think he’s going to be understanding?

You groan in frustration before forcing yourself to respond.

Y/N: Good morning to you too. I’m going on dates because I want to be in a fucking relationship, Hansen. I would have given you a heads up, but it happened right before you called me. Just because I’m fucking you, doesn’t mean I need to tell you every little thing. After I leave my Father’s business, I want some normalcy. Sorry if that doesn’t fall in line with the idea of what you want. You know that I was engaged at one point, so I don’t know why me wanting a normal life is such a surprise to you. You said yourself that what we do is just sex, so there’s no reason for you to feel some type of way. Besides, you don’t tell me when you go out and fuck other people.

You sit up and sigh, looking over at your alarm clock. Of course you slept in. You’re ready to get out of bed when your phone you let out a frustrated scream.

You don’t even know why you’re going to answer him.

“Whaaaaaat?” you groan with an exasperated sigh.

“Don’t get all fucking pissy with me.”

“Lloyd, what I decide to do with my personal time is my business, and my business alone.”

“Do you even know anything about him?”

“Why is this bothering you so much?!”

“I’ve already told you: I don’t like sharing my toys.”

“At the end of this month, I’m fucking done. I want a normal life-”

“What’s so great about that?”

“It’s better than this!”

“Bullshit, Cupcake! You’re not meant to be someone’s house pet!”

“Jesus, not you too!”

“You know I’m right, Cupcake!”

“For fucks sake! I like getting flowers! I like being taken on dates! Yes, I obviously love being fucked like a rag doll, but I also love cute and sappy shit! I want to be someones wife! I want to go out and not have a fucking gun on me! I want to go out with Taj and not feel like I’m putting her in danger! I want to not lie to my best friend! I want a normal fucking life, Lloyd! So yes, I will be going on dates, because I eventually want to get married and have kids! I want a fucking family pet! I want a house with a white picket fence that has walls that will be marked up with crayon because my children will be assholes that draw on the walls! Now, unless you want to try out for the position, leave it the fuck alone! Be happy that I let you fuck me at all and be done with it!” you scream before hanging up.

You’re about to get up, when your phone goes off again.

“Lloyd, what part of what I said did you-”

“Um, this isn’t, Lloyd,” a soft voice laughs awkwardly.

“Oh,” you chuckle nervously “I’m guessing you’re Bryan?”

“Guilty,” he laughs softly “So uh...I was wondering if tomorrow night-”

“Yes,” you say impulsively before you can even stop yourself.

“Oh, that was easier than I thought it’d be,” he chuckles. “I can pick you up from your house, if you’re comfortable with that.”

“Um, I can get a car service. It’s no big deal,” you laugh nervously.

“Do you like Italian?”

“I love it!”

“I know the perfect spot to take you to. Not to be lame or anything, but they do have a bit of a dress code.”

“I’ll fish out my best dress.”

“I’m sure you look amazing in anything. I have to get back, but I’ll text you the information.”

“Sounds good,” you smile before hanging up.

Fuck Lloyd Hansen.

From that moment on, every time your phone buzzes, you think it’s Lloyd (you want it to be Lloyd), but it isn’t. As much as you hate to admit it, you’re disappointed each time. It’s not like him to go a whole day without talking to you. He’s usually begging for sex or bitching about something mundane and making you laugh.

Why do you miss that so much?

It doesn’t help that he’s glaring daggers at you almost all day the next day. He doesn’t speak to you unless you speak to him first, he very much has an attitude with you, and the mission goes off without a hitch... but that’s only because you’re barely able to reel him back in, and he’s short with everyone.

You’ve cracked him.

“So, Suzanne still thinks something is going on between you and Lloyd,” your Father sighs as you take a seat in front of his desk.

“We barely even spoke to each other today. Tell Suzanne to fuck off.”

“Y/N, just tell me-”

“Nothing is happening, he’s just mad at me,” you scowl.

“What happened?”

“I’m not always nice and we got into an argument. No big deal.”

“An argument about...?”

“You don’t need to know everything about everything.”

“You do understand that fucking him will completely-”

“Can you stop bringing that up? Jesus, we’re not fucking. I have a date tonight anyway so-”

“Oh?”

“It’s a date, we’ll see how it goes.”

“Name?”

“Bryan.”

“Occupation?”

“A doctor.”

“That could be useful.”

“Frank,” you warn.

“Yeah, I get it and I won’t push. Does Lloyd know?”

“Yup.”

“You don’t think that’s the reason he’s upset?”

“It’s not my business. He’s just another job. My last job. We aren’t anything to each other and that’s that.”

“You don’t think he has feelings for you?”

“Lloyd Hansen has feelings for Lloyd Hansen. His needs come before everyone else, he’s spoiled, and that’s just how he functions. If he’s upset about anything, it’s because he wasn’t the first test driver,” you mumble, shifting your gaze to the window. “It’s not like it even matters.”

“Business aside, Y/N, tell me how you feel.”

“Lloyd Hansen is not the man I want to end up with. Yeah, we get along well enough and we have decent conversations, but he’s still an asshole. He’s someone I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with. That being said, he’s not a complete and total bad guy, I feel bad when I do hurt his feelings. He’s a friend and you feel bad when you make a friend upset,” you shrug.

“Is that all it is?”

“That’s all it can be,” you sigh as you avert your gaze to the window.

“I meant what I said that other day, Y/N. I want you to be happy. If you truly want a normal life, I want that for you. Me being up your ass about Lloyd...the boy is a paycheck, but he’s also not worth of your time and attention. Yes, Fitz wants to make sure you’re giving him a fair grade, but the parent part of me...I know Lloyd, because I was Lloyd. He’s going to hurt you and you’ve been through enough.” “All I want to do is get through this and move on in my life,” you sigh as you start to fiddle with your fingers.

“This is my fault and I’m sorry. I truly am sorry, because I’m the one that made all of this difficult.”

“Lets not start pointing fingers, because it’s not going to help anything,” you sigh, finally meeting your Father’s soft gaze. “I just need to sort my shit out. I always need to sort my shit out.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but focus on your date tonight. Have fun.”

“I get another year older and you’re all soft,” you smirk as your Father laughs. “I’ll be alright. This isn’t like last time. I’m just...I’m dealing,” you smile weakly.

“I really am sorry.”

“Just don’t worry about it. We are where we are and I’ll figure it out. One way or another, I always figure it out,” you smile before standing up. “Are we done here?”

“Yup.”

“See you tomorrow,” you smile softly before making your way out.

As you leave the building, you feel Lloyd’s gaze on you and you do your best ti ignore it. However he is or isn’t feeling isn’t your business. You’ve gotta move on.

The entire time you’re getting dressed for your date, you’re hoping and praying for a text and/or call from Lloyd telling you not to go.

Another sign that you’re being the toxic one in all of this.

By the time you’re dressed and ready to go, you have a headache and your stomach is in knots. It’s not even like you’re expecting Bryan to be “the one”, you just want to get Lloyd out of your brain. Yeah, you knew that sleeping with him wasn’t in your best interest from the beginning, but you didn’t think you’d fuck up this bad.

Never listen to Taj again.

“You look amazing,” Bryan scoffs, looking you over with a genuine smile on his face.

“You don’t look too bad yourself,” you smile sheepishly, taking a seat and placing your clutch on the table.

You wonder what it’s like to go on a first date and not have a gun hidden in your purse, just in case. Fuck normal people and their false sense of security.

“I’m not gonna lie, I was pretty shocked when Taj said you wanted her to set you up with me,” he laughs softly.

“Yeah, I’m starting on a new chapter in my life and I figured that I should start it off with a date with a good guy.”

“A safe bet?”

“Something like that,” you smile softly.

As the night goes on, the date goes well enough, but you’re bored. It’s not even like you can blame Bryan, because he’s doing his best. In all honesty, you shouldn’t be bored at all, but you miss Lloyd.

God, you hate that.

You just have more in common with him, so the conversations you two have are either filled with dark humor, or very honest. It’s part of the reason you hate having conversations with him. Even with him being a spoiled little shit, you can talk to him for hours about everything and nothing at once. And he makes you laugh. He’s so funny when he wants to be, and can keep you laughing until you can’t breathe.

Plus, you love the way he looks at you when you’re smiling and laughing. Even during sex. He’ll never admit it, and you don’t want him to, but the look in his eyes lets you know that he loves making you laugh and he could listen to it forever. The way he smiles at you...how could you want anything else.

Too bad Lloyd is a piece of shit.

“How’s your pasta?” Bryan asks as you take a sip of wine.

“It’s honestly amazing,” you smile, putting your glass down and picking up your fork. “I can see why you love this place so much.”

“You’re so quiet and it’s making me-”

Before he can finish his statement, a fist collides with his face. You look up to see Lloyd’s angry gaze on you.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” you yell as people come to Bryan’s aide.

“Lets go.”

“Lloyd, YOU CAN’T JUST PUNCH PEOPLE IN THE FACE! YOU CAN’T PUNCH MY FUCKING DATE IN THE FACE!” you scream as he pulls you out of your chair. You’re quick to grab your clutch, but you fight against his hold. “Lloyd-”

“Jesus Christ,” he sighs before pulling out his wallet and throwing a bunch of 20 and 50 dollar bills on the table. “Sorry about your face,” he mutters towards Bryan before throwing money at him too. “That should cover any medical expenses. Now, lets go,” he glares at you, before starting to pull him out with you.

You let him drag you half way through a dark alley before you pull yourself free from his grip. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!”

“Oh, come off it,” he scoffs, finally turning to meet your gaze. “You were fucking bored, Cupcake!”

“Cupcake?! You’re annoyed with me right now?! I’m sorry, have I ever interrupted any of your nights and punched anyone you’re fucking in the face?!”

“I did you a favor!”

“You did yourself a favor!”

“You weren’t having a good time!”

“How would you know?!”

“I’ve been watching you since you left work, I followed you, and I’ve been watching you the entire time. I know you! You were fucking bored, because he’s boring and annoying, and I did you a fucking favor. What? Were you planning on fucking him tonight?”

“Maybe!”

“We both know he can’t make you feel anywhere near as good as I do when I fuck you! You think he’s gonna make you squirt?”

“Lets not pretend that’s something you discovered,” you scowl.

“Such a fucking bitch!”

“This is stupid, I’m going home,” you mumble as you open your clutch and go to get out of your phone.

Lloyd has you pinned against the wall in a matter of seconds. “Come home with me.”

“Stop it.”

“At the end of the month, all of this is done. Come home with me.”

“We both have to go in, in the morning-”

“I’ll drive you home myself,” he promises as he hoists you up and you wrap your legs around his waist. “Daddy loves seeing you in dresses, Doll Face,” he groans as he grinds himself against you.

“Lloyd,” you moan.

“Daddy wants to see you in more dresses, Doll Face.”

“Can’t wear dresses to work,” you moan, feeling the knot in your core tighten like it always does for him.

“Weekends, baby. I wanna see you as much as I can before we have to stop.”

“Lloyd-”

“Don’t tell me no. Please don’t tell me no,” he begs pathetically with a whimper.

You look down and meet his soft gaze, biting your bottom lip. He’s never going to tell you that he wants you, only you (and you don’t want him to), but the look he’s giving you says everything.

He’s just as gone for you as you are for him.

“We should stop now.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Lloyd-”

“Don’t, because you don’t want to either. Lets just...this will all be over soon.”

“Take me home, Daddy,” you moan, finally giving in.

Lloyd has you twice before deciding he needs a break.

“You want any dates?” he asks as you get comfortable on his bed.

“You would eat dates,” you scowl, your irritation with him still very apparent.

“What’s wrong with dates?!”

“Nothing.”

“I have a feeling that I’m going to be making up for this night for a while.”

“I mean, you punched my date in the fucking face for literally nothing so-”

“You’re acting like you were having the best time!”

“Go get your fucking dates, you pretentious fuck,” you mumble as you avert your gaze to the window.

“I fuck you till you’re stupid, and you’d think that would grant me some fucking mercy.”

“Lloyd, I’ll honestly punch you in throat if you don’t shut the fuck up right now,” you warn; your eyes giving away just how fed up you are with him.

All he does is scowl before walking out of the room. You’re alone with your thoughts for all of three seconds before your phone starts going off. You can’t help but chuckle before answering it.

“Hello?”

“LLOYD PUNCHED BRYAN IN THE FUCKING FACE?!” Taj exclaims as you burst out laughing.

“Stop it, Taj.”

“Um no, what the fuck? Where are you now?”

“Said face punchers’ house,” you groan as you lay back.

“Y/N!”

“I know! Trust me, I know!”

“Honestly, I’m just being told I’m right, right now.”

“Taj!”

“He likes you and you like him.”

“He does not!”

“That’s why he punched your date in the face?”

“I’m going now. I love you, bye!”

“I love you, too, little Miss Magic Pussy.”

“Taji!”

“Bye,” she sings before hanging up.

“Let me guess, Doctor boy snitched on me?” Lloyd laughs as he makes his way back into the bedroom, a glass of wine in hand and you know its for you.

“I mean, you did punch him in the face,” you snap harshly as you take the wine glass from him.

“Jesus, what did you want?! To ride off in the sunset with him?!”

“You don’t need to know!”

“I saved you from a boring date and bad sex. The least you could do is thank me!”

“I’m not going to thank you for being a dick, Lloyd.”

“You’re wearing my bracelet-”

“Only because I’m wearing my Mother’s locket,” you quickly interrupt without thinking.

“So that’s why it means so much to you.”

“Don’t.”

“I’m not, I’m just trying to understand you more.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re the most complicated person I’ve ever met.”

“I tried to warn you.”

“What can I say? I like to play with fire,” he smirks and you feel yourself becoming desperate for him all over again.

“Lloyd-”

“Shut up,” he scoffs before dipping down and kissing you deeply.

You hate how all consuming his kisses can be, “What do you want from me, Lloyd?” you breathe as you two break apart.

“Just wanna get lost in you for a little while longer, Doll Face.”

“Why?”

“Because it feels good. So fucking good.”

“And when the month is up?”

“Gotta find someone else to get lost in,” he shrugs.

“If we stop-”

“We don’t want to,” he growls.

“This is getting out of hand-”

“I promise to not punch anymore of your dates in the fucking face.”

“This is more than that, Lloyd-”

“No it isn’t.”

“Why do you keep-”

“I’m happy, Y/N,” he moans as he slides two fingers into your soaked cunt. “I’m happy and it’s because of you.”

“So, shouldn’t we-”

“No, because you’re happy too. We have fun and we need that; especially in the line of work we do.”

“Baby, I don’t-”

“It’s just two more weeks,” he pleads as he picks up his pace and your toes curl.

“Fuck,” you moan as you come undone on his fingers.

So, you silently give in. You tell him (and yourself) that it stops after the two weeks are up. It’s just sex and you don’t need him as much as he needs you. Because, at the end of the day, he’s the one that’s always seeking you out. It’ll be easy to say goodbye and that’s just a fact.

So, for the next two weeks you and Lloyd fuck like there’s no tomorrow. He comes to your house (because you refuse to go to his), and mind numbing every time. Almost like he’s making sure you never forget that he’s the only one that’s ever made you feel so amazing. However, they’re days that he comes over and wants nothing.

Those days fuck you up.

He just wants to be in your space. He watches TV while you work, plays with your hair when you’re exhausted and just want to calm down, and orders dinner when you’re putting together plans and lessons. When you ask him why he comes over, he simply says “you annoy me the least out of everyone I know.”

By the time his evaluation arrives, your head is spinning.

“So, what do you think?” Fitzroy asks as you all sit at the main table in the conference room.

You feel your heartbreaking just a bit, but mask it well as you take a deep breath. “Lloyd Hansen is ready for the CIA,” you smile. “You’ll more than likely bump heads with him from time to time, but he’s come a long way from when you first brought him to me. He’s pulled back on his methods of torture, you’ll never find anyone more dedicated, and he’s damn good on the field. He’s calm when shit goes sideways and he’s always prepared with a backup plan. Yeah, he’s still working on the whole authority thing, but he listens well for the most part. Fitz, you have a new whipping boy,” you smile sarcastically and Fitzroy responds with the same smile.

“So, what do ya say, Son? Ready to join the CIA?”

How you’re not prepared for what comes next is beyond you. It’s Lloyd. Nothing can ever go as planned, because he’s an asshole.

“No,” Lloyd responds cool, shit eating grin painted across his face.

“No?!” your Father yells as you choke on your spit.

“No.”

“Why the fuck not?!”

“Well, I’ve been thinking about it a lot these last few weeks, and I just don’t want it anymore,” he shrugs.

You look over at Carmichael, who is doing his best to hide his laughter, and shrug at him. All he does in response is shake his head.

“Son, do you know how much time and energy we’ve put into you?” Fitzroy questions, sitting up and leaning in, his anger very much showing on his face.

“No one told you to do that.”

“Lloyd-” you start.

“No, I don’t want to join the CIA anymore. However, I do want to stay here, under the watchful eye of Y/N.”

“Come again?” you question, still confused as to what the fuck is actually going on.

“What part didn’t you comprehend, Doll Face?”

“What the fuck is going on?!” Fitzroy yells.

“Watch it,” your Father warns.

“Can everyone shut the fuck up for 5 seconds?!” you question, your brain going into overdrive. “Lloyd, today is my last day. After this, I’m done.”

“Then I guess I’m a free agent.”

“Now, just hold on-” your Father starts.

“No, the deal is that I work under Y/N, or I walk. So, what do ya say, Doll Face?” Lloyd smirks at you.

With everyone’s eyes on you, you know you have to make a decision and fast. Lloyd or a normal life? Work or stability? Happiness or frustration?

One thing’s for sure; with Lloyd in the picture, nothing is ever going to be the same again.

~~

Taglist: @whxre4cevans, @fuckingbye, @maroonsunrise83, @whiskeytangofoxtrot555, @autumnrose40, @emerald-evans, @chris-butt, @greeneyedblondie44, (I’m sorry if I forgot anyone!)

[kaghoeyama]

three of cups.

featuring: eren jaeger, armin arlert, afab reader.

word count: 5.5k

summary: you, eren and armin have been best friends for ages. there’s always been an underlying tension between the three of you, until that tension finally snaps.

content warning: smut, college au, post-timeskip characters, alcohol consumption (characters are tipsy but not inebriated), threesome, mlm, mutual pining, voyeurism, thigh riding, fingering (f receiving), slight edging, use of good boy/good girl, masturbation, cumplay

a/n: uhh so i was horny and this happened. pls be kind this is like my first fanfic ever (also english is not my first language so if you spot any mistakes feel free to let me know).

update: so apparently tumblr took out a whole ass paragraph after the “keep reading” and then repeated two different paragraphs twice?? i’ve seen people trying to fix this by adding asterisks so i’m doing the same. sorry about that lol.

18+ CONTENT - MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

So loud, you think.

You can almost feel the room vibrate with beat of the music, your steps naturally adapting to the rhythm as you make your way through a crowd of college students in various states of dishevelment. A smile comes to your lips. The whole place smells of alcohol and sweat and the floor is sticky, but you can’t bring yourself to be annoyed at the chaos; the year had been brutal for a lot of you and with finals finally behind you, no one was gonna miss the chance to loosen up and just have fun, yourself included. Which was exactly what brought you to make this little trip across the room, eyes fixed on your objective.

*

*

*

He’s leaning against the wall, his golden hair making it easier for you to spot him in the crowded room. His eyes are trained on his phone as he mindless scrolls down with his thumb, so you’re not too surprised when he doesn’t notice you straight away, even when you’re standing right in front of him.

You take a moment to take in his delicate features, his skin turned to porcelain by the bright light coming from his phone; the alcohol makes you bold enough to trail a hand up his arm and rest on his cheek, successfully shifting his attention to you. His face relaxes in a smile when he sees you, but his eyebrows are still raised in surprise at your sudden closeness; he opens his mouth to greet you but you’re quicker,  “Armin, would you please let me kiss you?”, your gaze keeping him pinned against the wall.

“I- what?” 

You relish in the way his breath catches in his throat, and you certainly don’t miss the flush that comes to his face or the way his eyes drop to your lips. 

“It’s for a dare… please?” your answer comes so innocent to his ears and he tries not to think at how pretty your plea sounded, even prettier than he’d fantasized so many times now.

 “I- I mean, yeah, sure” he stammers; you chuckle when close the distance between you, his pretty blue eyes still confused as you press your lips against his. 

The kiss comes out of the blue for him, yet you don’t miss the way his hands instinctively grip your waist as he pulls you closer to him. You hum into the kiss, your body suddenly so warm as he moves his lips against yours; he’s so pliant, all you had to do was ask and now he’s all over you, his grip keeping you flush against his body. Your fingers slip between his golden locks and when you lightly tug at them his hold grows tighter, his lips parting with a low moan. You swear you hear him whimper as you slip your tongue past his lips, taking control of the kiss as you explore his mouth, warm and wet and oh his hands are gripping your ass now, and you moan into the kiss as you feel his erection poking at your hip.

 “The dare said ‘kiss’ but if you two wanna get a room…” Sasha’s loud voice somehow reaches you from across the room and you pull back from the kiss, a string of spit connecting still connecting your mouths. He’s panting, mouth still parted, and you can’t help but stare at his pink lips, slightly puffed and still shiny from the kiss.

 Without thinking you brush a thumb against his lower lip, “so pretty” you murmur. 

Armin swallows around nothing, and when your eyes meet his pupils are all blown out, pleading, almost begging you to close the distance once again. Fuck he looks so flustered, heat pooling between your legs as you wonder how he’d look if you took his cock in your mouth, if you could make him so lost in pleasure that his smart little brain couldn’t form any coherent thoughts.

 You feel his arm around your shoulders before you see him, his usual scent of soap and lemon shampoo now mixed with a hint of smoke. You rest your head against his shoulder, your body craving physical contact after the kiss you’d shared with the blond. “Hi ’ren” you murmur against his shirt, dazed eyes looking up at him and then shifting to Armin. Your kiss was enough to make his brain fuzzy but now, with Eren’s arm wrapped around him and his body so close, he felt completely overwhelmed.

Eren pressed a kiss over your hair and pulled you and Armin even closer. “You shouldn’t keep all the fun to yourselves, don’t you know that sharing is caring?” he whispered, loud enough for both of you to hear through the music.

You can’t believe that cheesy line sent a shiver through your body. You figure it’s because of Eren.

“Maybe we should make use of that tequila bottle in our dorm room, what do you say Armin?” he adds, the blond choking out a soft affirmation. You doubt your sober self would have done that, but you were tipsy enough not to care when you took both their hands, interlacing your fingers with their own, a teasing smile gracing your lips. “Then what are we waiting for?”

 You feel strangely calm as you walk down the hallway. It’s definitely quieter than the party, and your attention is quickly drawn from one dorm room to another, where you catch glimpses of people smoking and drinking to the sound of at least ten different playlists.

Again, you smile. For the third year now you’re witnessing how your otherwise rigorous and law abiding campus turns into a huge frat party in the weekend after finals. You don’t know if it’s the warm weather or the fact most common spaces are surprisingly clean by monday that makes everyone look the other way, either way you’re thankful. You close your eyes for a moment as you walk, slightly overwhelmed by the music and the loud chatter and the drink you had at the party, your brain lost in a pleasant buzz.

 A light squeeze to your hand brings you back to earth. Your head turns to your left, eyes slowly opening to meet a pair of blue ones. 

“Are you okay?” Armin asks softly, the tiniest hint of concern slipping past his lips. You wait a beat before addressing his question, choosing to look at him instead. You note that his cheeks are almost as pink as his lips, and that his blue t-shirt makes his eyes sparkle; you ignore how your stomach flips when you realize he’d been holding your hand since you’d left the party. 

“I’m great,” you say as you shift closer to him “I’m in a good mood actually.”

 You catch Eren’s eyes leaving you as he turns his head forward and keeps walking in front of you. You let your gaze travel from his head – you loved that half bun he kept his hair in more than you should – to his broad shoulders, entranced by the way his black t-shirt stretches over his muscular back.

You must have missed the part where he stopped in front of the dorm room, because you end up bumping against that back. 

“You’re completely out of it” Eren teases with a grin. 

“No, I’m not” you retort, “as I said, I’m in a good mood.”

 The look he gives you is playful. “You call it good mood, I call it being drunk.”

 “I had literally just one drink, there’s no way anyone could get drunk from that.”

 “Depends on how strong the drink is.”

 “Will you shut up?”

 You’re still bickering as you enter the room, Armin rolling his eyes at the two of you with a fond smile. Once Eren shuts the door though, you all fall quiet.

 The only light came from the blue led Armin had put on his side of the room, casting a glow over your faces that was almost ethereal. There’s a weird tension, a nervous feeling gripping your stomach and making you tingle with anticipation. You’d been alone with them in that very room more times than you could count, cramming for tests, watching a movie or simply hanging out, but tonight something was different. You sit next to Armin on his bed, eyebrows knitting together as you quickly try to analyse that feeling.

 The three of you had been friends for ages, since you all attended the same elementary school and lived down the same street. You had bonded with Armin first, his quiet and intelligent personality matching well with yours. You remember fondly the warm afternoons in his backyard, grass tickling your skin as he showed you his new ocean life books and you rambled about ancient Egypt, Greek myths or whatever you were fixating on at the moment.

 Eren on the other hand – at first you couldn’t stand him. You only knew him as ‘Armin’s other friend’, but he was such a loud and hot headed kid, you’d always found his attitude too off-putting to even start a conversation, and you were pretty sure he didn’t like you either. After some pushing from Armin though, you’d actually tried to get to know each other; much to your surprise, you found out you had a lot of interests in common. Eventually, you’d even come to admire how passionate he got about the things he cared about, how strong his ideals were, and with time his impulsivity left room to a much more calculated approach.

 After all these years, the three of you were still as thick as thieves; you’d become so comfortable around each other that people always assumed you were either dating one of them. You’d always brush it off with a laugh, but now you wonder if it’s normal for friends to behave like that around each other. It was the little things at first; lingering touches, wondering eyes, teasing comments. Then Eren’s hands all over you every time you wore a pretty dress, or Armin’s obvious erection that time you and Eren were messing around at the pool; even your friends had noticed how close you were – and never missed a chance to tease you about it.

This is stupid, you conclude. They’re your oldest and closest friends, you won’t allow your attraction to them – at least you’re admitting it’s there – to make things weird.

 You move to get the tequila you know they keep hidden in the closet; maybe that will shake the awkwardness away. You take a long sip before handing the bottle to the blond, alcohol still burning in your throat as you lay on your back, head resting on his lap.

 You feel him still beneath you; when you look at him, his flustered expression is clear despite the dim lit room – before you can catch yourself, you wonder if he’s still hard from before.

 Eren looks at the both of you on Armin’s bed. You’ve closed your eyes and your head is lightly nodding along with some music coming from the hallway, the beat muffled by the closed door. He watches Armin, a fond smile dancing on his lips as he can almost hear the mental pep talk the blond gives himself before raising a hand to play with your hair. You hum at that, eyes slowly opening as you turn your head towards him.

 “Eren, come closer” you say, stretching out an arm as if to reach him.

 “And why would I do that” he answers with a playful smile on his lips.

 You raise your eyebrow, smiling back to him. “If you insist on staying over there, I guess Armin and I are really gonna keep all the fun to ourselves, isn’t that right Armin.” You say lightly, rising from his lap to lay against his side, your body wrapping around his arm; his hand ends up between your closed thighs and somehow you manage not purr in his ear as you rest your head on his shoulder, both of you now facing Eren. 

When Armin speaks, you don’t miss how his playful tone hides a hint of malice, eyes fixed on the brunette, “oh I’m sure he wouldn’t mind just watching if we were actually having fun.”

Eren laughs at that, his voice dropping lower. 

“True” he admits calmly, as if the thought hadn’t brought him to several orgasms through the years, “but right now I think I’d rather join.” 

And he does, sitting close to your other side.

You wish that type of exchange wasn’t as common as it was between the three of you. You also wish it didn’t send a wave of arousal trough your body every single time.

You watch him as he leans toward you to grab the bottle from Armin’s hand, taking a sip of the amber liquor. Your eyes follow a drop of alcohol at the corner of his mouth, unconsciously tightening your hold on the blond as Eren’s tongue comes out to bring the drop past his lips.

In that moment, Armin decides he’s had enough. He’s way too turned on to let all this teasing slide; if the three of you really are as attracted to each other as he thinks, this was the time he was gonna do something about it. So when he speaks, he does with a purpose.

 “Is it weird that I’ve kissed both my best friends?” his question sounds so innocent, he even lets out a calculated chuckle to feign embarrassment.

Eren tilts his head toward him, throwing him a curious glance “You still remember that? Must have been one hell of a kiss huh” he smirks. 

Armin knows he’s teasing, and that he clearly remembers too, but he can’t help the pink blush that colours his cheeks as his thoughts rush back to that night.

 It happened first semester of junior year, after Sasha’s ‘small’ housewarming party had quickly turned into a full blown party. As the music got louder and more and more people filled the tiny flat, Jean, all tipsy and bright eyed, had gathered all of you in Sasha’s room to play spin the bottle – most of you had booed him, but you’d followed him anyway.

 After watching you awkwardly peck Connie on the lips and Mikasa blush violently as Sasha took her face between her hands and gave her a loud smooch, it was his turn to play. He gave the bottle a spin and almost choked on his spit when it landed on Eren. He remembers everyone cheering as he tried to stop his face from flushing red, looking everywhere but at Eren; that’s how his eyes landed on you, quiet where your friends were loud, your eyes focused on him in a way that was almost daring.

He followed your gaze as it moved towards Eren, finally making eye contact with the boy. His attempts look composed failed miserably when Eren, a lazy smirk spreading on his lips, beckoned him with his hand to move closer.

 “I- uh we don’t have to…” he choked out.

 Eren’s smirk grew wider, “It’s just a game Armin, what are you scared of?”

 Armin couldn’t tell if his tone was soft or mocking, either way he felt as he had something to prove now.

He stood on his knees and crawled on the floor as Eren mirrored him, ignoring the way his stomach flipped as they met in the middle of the circle, so close he could feel his breath over his lips.

“What’s taking so long?” Jean said from somewhere behind him, “it’s not like you haven’t done this before” he teased.

Armin wanted to turn back and state that no, they had not actually done that before – he’d probably sound way more disappointed than he should – but before he could even open his mouth he felt a hand on his cheek; his eyes flickered back to Eren’s green ones, only to find them trained on his lips as the brunette sealed the gap between them.

Eren’s lips felt so impossibly soft again his, he tasted like vodka and something sweet he couldn’t recognise and Armin couldn’t really thing about anything as he lost himself in the kiss. The hand on his cheek moved through his hair and Eren pulled slightly, just enough to make Armin gasp against his lips, taking the chance to slide his tongue against his lower lip and into his mouth. Armin broke the kiss at that, a whimper leaving his lips because he wanted, needed more, but the feelings building up inside him – and the arousal making his pants tighter – were sending him in a slight panic.

He barely registered his friends’ loud noises as he sat back on his spot, but he didn’t miss the way Eren winked at him and licked his lips, green eyes boring into his blue ones. Armin struggled to act like his normal self rather than some teenager who had just kissed his long time crush. He desperately tried to focus on something, anything but Eren and his stupid lips and stupid grin and stupidly pretty eyes right in front of him, and that’s how his eyes found you again.

 You had watched the whole scene with an interest you hoped went unnoticed by your friends. You sure hoped Mikasa, sat right next to you, had missed the way your breath hitched in your throat as you watched the blond gasp under Eren’s grip, heat coursing through your body and pooling between your legs. When Armin’s blue eyes found you, flustered, with half lidded eyes and teeth sunk in your bottom lip, you’d lowered your head in shame.

 Eren rests his head again the wall and closes his eyes, as to enhance the memory.

It had been over a year ago, yet he remembered Armin’s sweet lips against his, the small noises he unconsciously let out going straight to his groin.

 He remembered your face, eyes glossy with desire as you watched them part, flustered almost as much as Armin, as if you’d been the one kissing him instead, and oh had he wanted to kiss you. Had it been just the three of you in that room, he would have grabbed your face and bruised those pretty lips, forcing Armin’s sweet taste in your mouth.

 He’d long given up the guilt that came with fantasising about his closest friends, any uncomfortable feeling quickly replaced by pleasure every time he wrapped his hand around his cock. At first it was just one of you under him, on top of him; soon enough he’d started picturing both of you on your knees, eyes bright and pleading, pink tongue hanging out of your mouths as you wait for him to paint your pretty faces with his cum.

“So who’s the best kisser?” you ask, your warm breath against Armin’s ear making him shiver.

 “I can’t- You both… I’m not gonna answer that.” Armin manages to sound flustered when he answers.

 Eren looks at him. “I would” he states nonchalantly, “but I don’t have all the materials to make my choice.” His tone drops to a low murmur, green eyes slowly shifting to you.

 Armin tries to hold back a smile, both of you reacting exactly as he anticipated.

 Your heart is hammering in your chest, it’s beat so loud you’re sure both of the boys can hear it; when you speak, you desperately try to keep your voice steady.

“Then god forbid you make an uniformed decision.”

 Eren is straight up grinning at this point; he grabs your wrists and tugs you closer, pulling you on his lap. You balance yourself on his shoulders as his hands graze your bare thighs up and down, your skirt bunching up to your hips and barely covering your panties.

 When your eyes meet, you’re shocked at how softly he’s looking at you. “I’ve been waiting a while for this” he murmurs, his voice almost a whisper, and you swear you can feel him stroking your cheek before burying his hands your hair and drawing you closer. He’s so warm all pressed up against you, so sweet when his lips ghost against yours before finally kissing you.

You’re slow to respond at first, too lost in how right it feels to have him so close and all over you, but you’re quick to part your lips for him, his tongue sliding against yours; he tastes of alcohol and you get drunk on it, a small moan leaving your throat and getting lost in the kiss. You whimper as you feel him groping your ass and push you even closer. He’s kissing you like a man starved, devouring you, the intensity making you feel light headed. You break apart from the kiss with a sigh, head falling on his shoulder, barely registering what you’re doing as you lightly grind against his hardening cock.

Eren groans as he tugs your hair so that you can look at him, his dark pupils swallowing up almost any trace of green. 

“So needy… how many times have you thought about this?” he asks, a teasing smile on his lips as his fingers play with the hem of your skirt. 

You look away from him, cheeks heating up; you don’t want to admit how many times you’ve cummed on your fingers with their names on your lips, but you don’t think you have a choice.

 His head dips lower to press an open mouth kiss to the column of your throat, “Answer baby, there’s no need to be shy; we’re all friends here.”

 You suck in your breath, voice embarrassingly shaky “so- so many times, w- with both of you” you confess.

 Armin groans at your words, a curse slipping past his lips. “We- we could have done this so long ago” he mumbles, eyes fixed on you as he palms himself through his jeans. You feel so hot under his gaze, so wanted, you never want his eyes to leave your body.

Eren steals your attention by sucking a purple mark at the base of your neck; you bite back a moan as he licks at the bruise, heat pooling in your panties. he clicks his tongue in disapproval.

 “This won’t do” he says softly against the shell of your ear “how can Armin hear all your pretty noises if you hold them back?”

 Before you can choke out an apology, his lips go back on your neck, finding that sweet spot below your ear that makes you whimper. You’re trembling as he sucks another bruise on your skin and this time you don’t hold back, soft moans leaving your lips as your hands grips his hair, tugging it loose and fawning all over his shoulders.

 Eren pulls back, admiring his work as you try to steady your breath. 

“Good girl” he murmurs, “let us hear you.”

 You shudder at his words. You don’t think you’ve ever been so turned on in your life, and he’s barely put his mouth on you. You can feel wet slick gathering in your panties and you shift to straddle one of his thighs, grinding hard to relieve the tension as your head falls back, a loud moan leaving your lips.

Two strings of low curses reach your ears, and you barely register Armin slipping a hand under his pants as Eren pulls you down on him again, the knee you have trapped between his legs pressing against his hard cock.

 “Fuck, baby you wanna cum like that? Riding my thigh?” he pants, slightly bouncing his leg up to meet your movements, successfully drawing another moan out of your lips.

He brings a hand your face, almost reverent as his thumb grazes your lower lip, just like you’d done with Armin barely an hour ago. Your tongue darts out and licks the tip of his thumb before wrapping your lips around it, sucking slightly as you nod, eager.

Eren parts his lips, eyes glued to your mouth. He can’t believe he finally has you – both of you – as he wants you, as he’s pictured so many times; he wonders if he’ll come undone in his pants like a teenager, as you add pressure on his throbbing cock with each grind of your hips. He slips his finger from your warm lips, rushing his hands under your skirt to take off your panties.

 When you finally readjust yourself on his thick thigh, you almost sob at the feeling of your bare, sensitive cunt against the rough material of his pants. Before you can resume your movements, he lifts up the piece of fabric, dangling it in front of your face.

 “Look at this” he murmurs, “completely soaked” his voice trailing off as an idea suddenly forms in his mind. 

He turns to Armin, and fuck, he feels his cock twitch at the sight. The blond is laying against the headboard, legs spread apart; he has a hand wrapped tight at the base of his hard, leaking cock, his pretty face all scrunched up in pleasure. 

Armin’s cheeks heat up when he notices Eren’s eyes on him, but it doesn’t stop him from slowly stroking his cock, trying to delay his orgasm as much as possible.

“’Min, you think you could use these?” Eren asks, dark eyes dropping between the blond’s legs. Armin’s eyes widen at the request, his brain shutting down for a moment as he looks at the drenched panties in his hand. 

“What? I- I-…” he looks at you, dazed, half lidded eyes boring into his blue ones as you rub slowly on eren’s thigh. “Y- yes please” he chokes out, shame reddening the tip of his ears.

 “So polite… what a good boy” Eren purrs, his deep voice making Armin twitch in his own hand. 

He takes the panties, the beads of your arousal thick on the side your cunt was, and he wraps the fabric around his cock. You watch with wide eyes, struggling to believe that sweet innocent Armin would ever give you such a lewd sight; you’re itching to lean over and kiss, lick, bite every inch of his body, but Eren’s grip on your waist keeps you in place.

Armin moans loudly as your slick smears all over his shaft. He keeps rubbing at himself with your panties trapped between his hand and his cock and how the fuck is this already topping every sexual experience I’ve ever had he manages to think. His eyes trail up and down your body, Eren’s body, and he doesn’t even notice how much his strokes speed up, hips bucking desperately into his own hand.

“Slow down baby or you’ll miss all the fun” Eren’s voice is as soft as the hand he puts on his leg to appease him. “If you behave, y/n will let you cum on her, right?” he says, sneaking a hand between your legs and sliding two fingers between your dripping folds.

 “Ah- ye- yes Armin, wherever you want” you squeak, arching your back as Eren slips his fingers inside you. You feel inebriated as he slowly starts pumping, his fingertips massaging your walls, so slowly you want to cry. You wail when his fingers curl over your sweet spot, a hand gripping your waist to stop you from fucking yourself against his hand.

“Please ‘Ren, oh god, please, faster” you sob, high pitched moans slipping past your lips before you even realise it.

Instead of listening to you, Eren pulls his fingers out and slides them up to your clit, collecting your slick; you whimper when he retracts his hand from your cunt, pressing down on his thigh once again to get more friction. When your clit brushes against a wrinkle in his pants your eyes roll inside your head, orgasm so close you can taste it, but apparently Eren has other plans.

 “Not yet baby, hold it for a bit longer, will you?” he purrs close to your ear, his mouth peppering wet kisses on your neck.

“Please a-ah Eren I c-can’t-” your words come out as broken sobs but you’ve long stopped caring, your brain filled with nothing but pleasure.

When Eren looks at your face you look absolutely wrecked, sweat shining on your forehead and cheeks red from the strain, chest heaving as quick pants come out of your parted lips. “

Armin, come here.” He says, hungry eyes still locked on yours. The blond obeys and shuffles closer to the two of you, your panties forgotten on the bed.

“You’ve been so good I think you deserve a reward” he says, as he pushes the glistening fingers he’d just pulled out of your cunt straight into Armin’s pretty mouth. 

The blond moans at your taste, both hands coming to grab Eren’s wrist and push his fingers further in his mouth, choking slightly when they hit the back of his throat. Eren watches him in a trance, mesmerised by his blown eyes and the drop of spit that dribbles from the corner of his mouth. He wants to fucking ruin him. But not yet.

He takes his hand from the blond’s grasp – the whimper that leaves his mouth almost makes him cum on the spot. Eren lifts you from his lap, ignoring your pout as he places you right beside Armin.

 “Sit still for me” he says as he slowly palms his cock before unbuttoning his pants and sliding them down with his boxers. You hear Armin suck in his breath as Eren’s hard cock slaps against his stomach, your own eyes widening at the sight; in length he almost matches the blonde, but the girth is just… fuck. Even dwarfed by his huge hand it’s almost intimidating, a thick vein reaching his pink leaking tip.

Eren takes his time as he pumps himself, eyes fixed on both of you; he drinks in your pretty, desperate faces, hands clutching the bedsheets as you try not to squirm under his gaze.

“Where do you wanna cum ’Min?” Eren’s question snaps him off a stupor, eyes leaving his groin to settle on your face.

You’re surprised Armin can blush more than he already is as he stutters that he wants to cum on you tits. You smirk as you quickly take off your top and unhook your bra, lust clouding you senses as you lay on the bed, head towards Eren as you motion Armin to straddle your waist. His eyes flicker to Eren and you miss the brunette’s nod before Armin comes on top of you, knees straddling your thighs.

Armin can’t believe just how fucking pretty you look under him, naked except for that cute pleated skirt you’re somehow still wearing. His hand trails up your stomach to squeeze your tits, fingers playing with your nipples as he pumps himself faster.

You feel Eren’s hand cradle your face, “touch yourself” he says, and you do just that.

With your skirt bunched up at your waist and your fingers quickly circling your clit, Armin doesn’t stand a chance; he leans forward, a hand planted on the bed as he cums on your tits with loud moan and your name on his lips, warm liquid painting your heaving chest. 

You watch the blond leaning back against the headboard, desperately trying to catch his breath; you lock eyes with him, toungue wetting your lips as you bring a hand up to play with the mess he made on you, getting high on the look of pure defeat on his face as you take your cum coated fingers back to your clit.

 “Oh fuck” Eren can’t believe how wrecked his own voice sounds “who would have thought you two would be such dirty sluts” he pants, his hand sliding faster and faster against his cock.

 You moan at his words “’Ren p-please can- can I-”

 “Cum.” He orders, and you obey right away.

The sounds that leave your lips are nothing short of pornographic, your body shaking and twitching in pleasure, mouth agape and head thrown back as white lights explode behind your eyelids, any coherent thought wiped out of your brain. Eren chokes out a curse at the sight, soft, high pitched groans echoing in the room until he finally cums with a broken moan, the liquid coating his hand and making a mess on his clothes.

It takes a while before any of you even attempts to move; silence falls in the room once again, except for your labored pants mixed with the music still playing in the hallway.

 Eren is the first to get up and head for the bathroom. By the time you’ve all taken a shower and settled back on Armin’s bed, no one has still said a word. You feel anxiety settle low in your stomach, its grip speeding up your heartbeats.

Did you ruin everything? Is this the end of your friendship? 

 “So who’s the best kisser?”

 Armin’s voice comes out tired and rough, but it puts a halt to the doubts swirling in your mind.

 The breathy chuckle leaving Eren’s mouth sends a wave of relief through your body; “I’m sorry ’Min but y/n is definitely winning this one.” You smile as you feel his hand ghosting over your spine.

 “Yeah, figured.”

The blond curls up against you and you’re still smiling. 

The bed is way too small for the three of you and the night breeze coming from the window does little to cool you down, but you’ve never been better, a warm feeling spreading from where your bodies connect with each other.

 As slumber takes you, you hope they’re still gonna be there when you wake up.

[zeeroweenies]

like a virgin

ft. stepbro eren

cw ✿ dark content ; virginity loss ; dubcon ; innocence kink ; coercion ; blood ; minors don’t read/interact or blocked.

wasn’t gonna post this but oh well! yolo *throws up peace sign

“Isn’t this wrong, Ren?”

Your stepbrother towers over your sheepish form, face extremely hot and flushed with insufferable heat and voice trembling with unease. “Mom said m’supposed to wait ‘till I get married.”

Eren could think of a million things he wanted; decent grades considering he was a fucking flunk at school, material things such as designer accessories and gold-encrusted rings were always nice, and a nice piece of arm candy to keep him company from time to time. Hell, he had the looks for it, he could probably snap his fingers and any chick he desired would be at his disposal. You could call him somewhat of a skirt chaser, laying with whatever girl seemed appealing to him in the moment and ditching her for the next in a single breath. He led countless women on in the spite of his manhood, leaving a trail of tears and broken hearts behind him.

But then you came along.

An absolute angel of a girl, the complete and total opposite of Eren, actually. Always on the straight and narrow. You secured one of the highest spots of honor in your class due to your grades, actively participated in extracurriculars and came home right after classes ended under your parents’ orders even though you were well over the age of legality. Not to mention the beauty of your celestial features that looked like they were crafted by the beings themselves and shipped straight from heaven right to his front doorstep, that in itself seemed like a blessing.

But initially that’s not what drew him to you. It was the bashful and good-hearted disposition about you, the fact that you had never been kissed or touched in that way by another man, not even yourself. If you were willing to bet cash on the reason Eren found you attractive in the first place you’d be filthy rich. Because? Bingo: because you were a fucking virgin.

Eren knew you were, he could practically smell it on you the moment you met. It began to consume his every thought, twisting into some dark late-night fantasy of him sinking his fat cock into your tight virgin cunt while he fucked his fist to try to imitate what he thought you’d feel like, going through tissues and bottles of lotion like socks from how unhealthy his impulses were becoming.

He so badly wanted to see what your would look like when he finally stretched your hole for the first time; how your face would twist into an ugly frown while your nails sank into the plush of his arms from the pain, begging him to slow down until you’d finally beg him to speed up in that angelic tone, creaming around his cock endlessly until he’d eventually reach his own high, ending with him fucking his seed right into your accepting womb. The pleasure of being the one to deflower you swirling within the deep recesses of his twisted brain. He needed it, he was desperate for it.

Even now as he hovers over you, face and chin wet after eating your little cunt out for what felt like hours, he could barely stop himself from cumming on the spot. Having to put a mental restraint on his dick as he just barely pushes himself past the tightness of your innocence, a weak, dainty hand against his chest being the only thing stopping him from taking it all for himself.

His gaze shifts from the shaky palm to tearful eyes, tits long gone from your t-shirt with lips that are wet from saliva and your hair touching the fresh pillows with your pretty legs parted just for him, only for him.

“What’s wrong? You afraid?”

The brunet’s query possesses your head into a nod, swallowing the lump at the base of your throat that you didn’t even had formed when his thumb comes down to rub at your aching clit, forcing you into nothing but a jittery mess with fluttering lashes.

“M-Mom said s’not right to have sex before marriage… I have to stay a virgin ‘till I do.”

Ugh. Your mom.

She kept you away from him the same way Rapunzel was sealed away in a tower by some fire breathing dragon or some shit, however the fuck that story went. Said he was no good, that he was a bad apple. Eren couldn’t stand the bitch, she was too snooty for her own good, forever looking down on him with her nose high in the air while placing you on a pedestal above him. Like you were some sort of archangel.

How would she feel now if she knew her angel was moments away from getting her virgin cunt split open for the very first time by the so-called devil?

“It doesn’t count if I don’t pop your cherry.” Tiny pecks that are laid against your bottom lip and a thumb on your bud makes your pussy involuntarily clench around nothing and leaves you dizzy, but not as dizzy as your stepbrother’s implications.

“Cherry…?”

Fuck, you’re so innocent. A precious soul with no knowledge of the outside world, a girl who doesn’t even know what’s about to hit her. It was a bold faced lie. Eren knew that the second his dick goes inside your cunt you won’t be a virgin anymore, but that doesn’t mean you had to.

“Your hymen, silly.” A soft chuckle falls past his lips that makes you melt into the bed. “I’ll be gentle when I put it in so it doesn’t break, you’ll still be a virgin.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works, Ren.” The five words that usually get girls to drop to their knees and worship him in a heartbeat still don’t seem to have an effect on you in the slightest, you’re still protesting. And it was really starting to get on his goddamn nerves. But he keeps his cool, composure never faltering despite his internal irritancy while managing to salvage the faux kindness on the edge of those emerald irises you trusted so much, the same ones you didn’t know held a nasty and sick desire behind them.

“Don’t you love me?” He questions you once, your head nodding yes in response. “Wanna make me feel good right?” He questions again. And like magic you nod yes, again. “Then you’ll let me do this.”

A moment of silence passes, and then another.

The smallness of your voice box is barely audible, but Eren swears he can almost cums when he hears you croak out, “O-Okay, you can do it…”

Jackpot.

“Atta girl.” He begins to push past the ring of your entrance, no time wasted at all before the stretch of his head has your eyelids tightening painfully around the whites of your sclera, just like he imagined they would.

His venture is met with some resistance along the way, both by your cunt that doesn’t seem to want to let him in for jack shit and the god awful cries that fall past your puffy lips, the entire sight of you splayed out beneath him making Eren’s dick rock hard. He can only manage to inch his hips further into your warmth that practically sucks him in when your hands meet his chest, his fingers boring into the flesh of your hips before completely slamming into you with full force.

“Er… Ere– Eren, it hurts!”

It hurts for you, but it’s music to his ears, and you sing a beautiful song for him. A cacophony of shrill cries that pick up with each pull and drop he makes inside your messy cunt, walls barely adjusting to his length and girth as fucks you mercilessly, nothing at all like your stepbrother who’s demeanor is usually so gentle and benevolent towards you.

Instead the expression his features take on is something dark, sinister.

“I know, you’ll be fine. Won’t hurt too much when I’m makin’ you cum on my cock, huh?”

Maybe it’s because of the plushness of your cunt that’s warm and soft, almost pillow-like as Eren fucks into you, round tip relentlessly nudging at the surface of your hymen– fuck, it feels so good against him.

Pink, perfect, intact. Not for long.

At this rate and the force he exerts he’ll end up popping your cherry even though he promised not to, and soon his river would run red with the blood he was so desirously hungry for, virginal blood. All of it made him delirious, head mindlessly swirling in lust as he buries his cock in your soaked cunt over and over, the atmosphere between the four walls surrounding you becoming overrun with grunts and swallowed moans the more you became accustomed to the foreign intrusion of a man being inside you.

“God, this pussy,” multiple curses tumble out of his filthy godforsaken mouth and disperses into the open air, now folding your plush legs back into the pillows to pound into you with not an ounce of mercy, like he’s determined. The swell of his cheeks are painted redder than a cherry, pupils shot and intently mesmerized with the way the soft of your tits helplessly bounce and jiggle from how his hips collide with yours in brutal thrusts and your fucked out expression, it’s a wonder your cunt’s held up this long. But you are a little fighter after all, he supposes.

“Tell your big brother how he’s making you feel,” the hot underside of his palm moves to press at the warmth of your cheeks to squish them into a cute pout as his jaded eyes bore down into you, the answer he seeks making him throb inside of you through slurred sentences. “Feel-sh s-s’good, Ren, s’good.” you manage to choke out through an unquestionably fucked out lazy grin, one that suggests to Eren that he completely and undoubtedly has you under his spell.

“Look at that, guess the little angel’s a little slut.” If the expression riddled across the lines and contours of your face wasn’t enough, the way your hole tightens around him is, a ring of milky cream gathering around the base of his length and a low whine that forces itself past your lips.

The roughness of his pace takes you by surprise, soon the older boy’s violently moving his hips inside you, fucking you like he doesn’t care if you cum or not. The head of his cock constantly jabbing at your hymen, roughly grazing and bumping against the thin membrane as his high coiled in the pit of his stomach ultimately making your chest twist and distend with panic.

“Be careful, y-you’re gonna, gonna—”

Every plea that falls from your mouth is ignored, groans and curses instead filling the space as Eren finally reaches his peak, lips parted and hips stuttering before he’s slowing down with his final thrusts.

One. Two. Three, done.

The weight of his six-foot frame is as heavy on top of you as the hard breaths he takes, leaving you dazed and confused atop of the comfort of the pillow beneath your head, allowing him to sit up before pulling out. He’s finding the cotton jeans he had discarded long ago when you first entered his room before you can even say anything, fear rising in your lungs and manifesting into teary eyes.

Your voice cracks, you know what’s coming next, and Eren knows that you know. “Wait… I didn’t get to finish,”

Not his problem.

You’re not a virgin anymore, and you have no other use to him except what’s between your legs. Time to close up shop. He got what he wanted, now get your shit and get the fuck out of his room.

“Take care of it yourself, I got shit to do.” The shift in his demeanor and tone is almost bone-chilling cold, this for sure isn’t the same Eren you’ve known– or thought you knew from the last few months. “Oh, you might wanna take care of that.”

Oops, guess he forgot to pull out in time, the translucent white substance that clings to the lips of your cunt and oozes deeply from your hole and onto the white linen proof of it. But then you notice the pinkish-reddish tint that’s mixed within it, letting you know that Eren lied to you all along, that he had full intention of truly taking your virginity. Double oops.

He notices the way your eyes flitter up to him with tears welling up behind them as you fist the fabric of his bedsheets closer to your naked chest like it’s your last piece of hope, the sight of your betrayal almost makes him want to ruin you all over again. “My bad, guess it was a mistake.” The corners of his lips upturn into a cruel smirk, no signs of remorse present in his features. But Eren doesn’t make mistakes, only happy accidents.

And what a happy accident this was.

[live-the-fangirl-life]

Stolen Stamps

Aelin Galathynius x Rowan Whitethorn - Stolen Passport Oneshot

“You took me on a trip just to break up with me so I stole your passport” - Prompt from @dailyau

I don't know where this came from, it just kinda happened, enjoy! Minor Chaolaena, Rowaelin endgame

Masterlist | Read on Ao3

Warnings: Language

2494 words

*******

The faint hum of the air condition filled the meticulously organized room in the back of the post office.

“Ms. Galathynius,” A deep, accented voice addressed her.

Her gaze on the tall bookshelf in the corner jerked back to the man sitting across from her behind his desk. His hands were crossed, and the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows, exposing part of a tattoo that wrapped around his muscular arm. She tried not to watch as the muscles shifted as he leaned forward when he spoke to her.

“Can you please explain to me why you were trying to mail a very,” He paused, glancing at the messily-wrapped bundle on the center of his desk, “suspicious-looking package to the Adarlan embassy in Antica?”

Aelin opened her mouth to try to explain, but no words came out.

He raised a silver eyebrow and waited.

She sighed, “I swear, it’s not what it looks like.”

***

The cab ride to the airport was a blur. So was the flight, and the ride to her hotel. It wasn’t until Aelin locked the door of her hotel room and set down her bags, that the events of the day finally hit her.

Whether it was adrenaline or shock or relief, she couldn’t be sure. Aelin fell back onto the bed and rubbed her face, groaning. She thought back to that morning when everything had been fine.

Fine, not great, just fine. That’s how things always felt with Chaol, just fine.

Her brain was still working through what happened when she jolted up from the bed, eyes wide.

“Shit. What did I do?”

Aelin scrambled towards her purse and rummaged through it. She couldn’t find it; maybe she didn't take it. She turned the bag upside down over the bed and watched as her things fell out. She pushed aside her little paperback mystery novel, her lipstick, her boarding pass, she moved aside a wrinkled coupon and froze.

“Fuck.”

***

After wearing a track into the carpet with her pacing, Aelin decided to call Lysandra. It was going about as well as she expected.

“Lysandra, I did a bad thing.”

Aelin chewed her fingernail between her teeth, a bad habit she couldn’t kick when she was stressed, as she tried to tell her best friend what just happened. She was standing on the small balcony of her hotel hoping the fresh air would help clear her mind. So far, it wasn't doing a great job.

“Aelin,” Lysandra’s voice sounded amused through her phone, “This is you were talking about, you’re going to have to be a bit more specific.”

Rolling her eyes, Aelin ran a hand through her hair. “I did a petty, horrible, impulsive, really bad thing.”

There was a long pause as Lysandra seemed to realize how serious Aelin sounded.

“Okay. Now I’m getting worried.” Then a sharp gasp, “Was it illegal? Have you been arrested? Are you calling me from a foreign prison?”

“Lys—” Aelin tried cutting in, she wanted to stop the hysterics before her friend’s imagination got out of hand.

“When you told me you were going on a trip with Chaol I thought you’d be spending time on the beach, not using me as your one phone call from a dirty jail cell hundreds of miles away!”

“Lysandra!”

“And where’s Chaol? Is he there with you?”

“Lysandra, stop! I haven’t been arrested, I’m not in prison, I’m fine. Actually, I’m great.” Aelin closed her eyes and sighed, trying to scrounge up some guilt but failing. “Actually, it's because I’m feeling great that makes what I did so much worse, because I don’t really feel bad about it.”

“Don’t scare me like that.” Her friend's voice echoed in her ear. “If you’re fine, then tell me what happened and tell me why you’re calling me at,” she paused and groaned, “six in the morning.”

“Sorry,” Aelin winced, “I’m still on a different time frame.”

“Still? Where are you now? Are you not in Antica anymore?”

“Slow down, Lys.” Aelin loosed a breath and ran a hand through her hair, “I’m back in Terrasen.”

“What? When did you get back?” Lysandra sounded confused, and Aelin couldn't blame her, after all, she was supposed to be in Antica for four more days.

“Today. Less than an hour ago. I’m at a hotel, I just needed to clear my head.”

After a moment of silence, Lysandra asked again, “Where’s Chaol? Have you talked to him about whatever this is? Not that he’d help much “Lysandra muttered the last part, but Aelin still heard.

Here we go, Aelin thought, “No. We broke up.”

“What?” Lysandra was definitely awake now. “Really? Oh, honey, I’m sorry if you’re hurting, but good for you, I never really liked him.”

“Yeah, I know.” Aelin barked a wry laugh, “He dumped me, actually.”

“He dumped you?”

Aelin barked another laugh, getting angry as she told Lysandra the rest, “Get this, that bastard invited me on this trip specifically to break up with me”

“What the actual fuck?”

“Yeah, and honestly?” Aelin took a deep breath, feeling a mess of emotions as she explained. “I can’t blame him.” She amended herself quickly at Lysandra's sound of protest, “I don’t mean about taking me on a trip to do it, because that’s fucked up, but I mean the actual breaking up part. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later, it was more about who would pull the trigger first. Come on, Lys, you knew I was more excited to spend a week on the beach than to spend a week with him.”

Lysandra snorted, “Yeah, Ace, I knew that. I was hoping you realized that, too.”

“Well, I did. So, I left. I’m back in Terrasen, there was no way I was staying there with him any longer, that would’ve been too weird.”

Aelin could hear Lysandra’s coffee machine buzz to life through the phone and suddenly wished she had a cup of coffee. Once she figured this mess out, she’d go find a cafe.

“Right. Okay,” The brunette’s voice rang out, “let me get this straight, Chaol took you on a trip solely to break up with you, and now you’re back in Terrasen while he’s still on the Southern Continent. I’m still not seeing what exactly you did that’s making you freak out.”

At that, Aelin flopped back onto the bed and flung an arm over her face, groaning.

“I know breaking up with Chaol is for the best, Hellas, I feel relieved. But at that moment, I was so angry. I was furious that he’d take me on this trip instead of just doing it at home like a normal-fucking-person—I mean, who takes a break-up vacation? Anyways, when I was packing my things to leave, I, kinda, sorta, took something of his.”

“Aelin…what did you do?”

Aelin looked at the foot of the bed where the remains of her purse were strewn over the blanket. Her eyes caught on two matching little booklets with gold seals on them.

“I stole his passport.”

***

“Ms. Galathynius—”

“Aelin, please.” She cut off the silver-haired man behind the desk.

The only change in his stoic demeanor was a small twitch of his lips. “Aelin. Can you explain what exactly you’re trying to mail, that looks like that—”

‘That’ being the layers of spare newspaper she found tucked away in her hotel room haphazardly wrapped and tied with the thread from the complimentary sewing kit, also from her hotel room. She hadn’t been able to find any tape. Aelin thought if she brought it to the post office then she could re-package it with actual materials, but she’d chosen not to unwrap it before getting there. An obvious mistake.

“—to an official, protected, government Embassy?” His voice was stern and his green eyes steady.

This looked bad. Aelin could easily admit that this looked really bad.

She placed her hands on his desk and watched as his eyes tracked the movement. “I can explain. It's definitely not as bad as I’m sure you think it is.”

He remained silent, watching her expectantly.

She caught sight of the nameplate on the side of his desk. “Mr. Whitethorn—”

“Rowan, please.”

Did he sound amused?

Taking confidence from that, she sat up a little straighter and said, “Rowan,”

His mouth quirked a little higher as she said his name.

Clearing her throat, she started again, “Rowan, you can open the package, I assure you it's nothing bad. It’s just a passport.”

One of his eyebrows rose skeptically, “A passport?” He asked doubtfully.

“Yes, a passport. That’s why I was trying to send it to the embassy. It belongs to my b—ex.” She stumbled over the last word, still unused to Chaol’s new title.

He—Rowan—looked even more intrigued.

“You’re mailing your ex their passport, but decided to wrap it in the most suspicious, threatening way possible?”

Aelin winced. “I didn’t have many options.” She chuckled, remembering trying to tie the string together in the hotel bathroom’s fluorescent lights. “I thought I could fix it once I got here, but I didn’t even have a chance to ask for materials before being escorted in here.” She waved a hand vaguely and looked around his office.

Rowan was fully smirking now. He leaned back in his chair and watched her for a long moment. “It is my job to confiscate suspect packages. Especially when those packages are being sent to, say, a government building.”

Leaning forward slightly she smiled and told him, “Well, you seem to be very good at your job.”

Gods, was she flirting? She and Chaol literally just broke up. But she couldn’t deny she was attracted to Rowan. Not with the way his pine-green eyes lit up with amusement or the way the muscles in his arms flexed when he shifted in his chair. Not to mention that tattoo; she was a sucker for tattoos—and she’d never told him this, but it always disappointed Aelin that Chaol never even considered getting any ink.

Good gods, she was flirting. And not very well.

Still smirking, Rowan leaned forward and asked, “Care to tell me why you’re sending your ex their passport?”

Was it her imagination or did he say ‘ex’ like it was the most interesting word in his question.

She couldn't stop the small smile twisting her lips. “I don't see how the ‘why’ of it is any of your business.”

Rowan surveyed her and Aelin tried not to blush under his gaze. She couldn't stop herself from comparing him to Chaol, he never made her feel this flustered with just a stare. Rowan's eyes tracked her face, tracked the way her cheeks heated, and she tried with all her might to fight the blush.

She wasn’t a teenager with a crush, she was a woman who knew how good she looked and was very attracted to the man whose eyes had not stopped roaming over her. She fought down the blush and flipped her hair over her shoulder, smiling charmingly at him.

He seemed to like it and his grin widened before putting on a faux stern face.

“I try to be as thorough as possible, Aelin,” Gods, the way he said her name made her toes curl. “It would make things easier if you explained why. I could finish my paperwork quicker, get this thing sent off, and we’d both be free of this passport and your ex.”

Wow, he wasn't beating around the bush. She liked it.

He sent her a slow grin, “I’d be able to take my break at nine, and go for a cup of coffee.”

The way he said the last part left no room for guessing what he meant. He wanted to take her out for coffee.

A small part of her hesitated, she had just broken up with Chaol. But on the other hand, he took her on a fucking breakup vacation, so screw him and she could do whatever the hell she wanted. And she wanted Rowan. She wanted to go get coffee with Rowan.

So she smiled, winked at him, and said, “I’m mailing it back to him because I stole it from him.”

Rowan’s smile faltered and he blinked.

“You what?”

“I stole it from him.”

He stared at her another moment before a chuckle escaped his lips and he was shaking his head but smirking.

“You stole his passport.” He sounded very amused as he wrote a note down, most likely for the report he’d have to file.

“Yup,” Aelin’s grin turned feline, “He took me on vacation to break up with me, so I stole his passport and left him there.”

Rowan stopped writing and looked at her with raised eyebrows, “He’s still there? You have his passport, and now he’s stuck,” Rowan glanced at his notes, “in Antica?”

Aelin laughed; a loud, cheerful, sound that filled the office and pulled a small grin onto Rowan’s lips.

“Okay, I’m sure you think I’m a bit crazy,” Her grin didn't falter, “but it was impulsive and as soon as I realized what I actually did, you know, kinda leaving him stranded there, I tried to send it back to him. I couldn't remember what the hotel was, so I figured the embassy would be a good choice given it's a passport, and he is from Adarlan.”

“He’s from Adarlan, you’re not?” Rowan asked.

Aelin smirked, “That’s what you got from what I said?”

He matched her smirk, “That's what I want to know.”

“No,” Aelin shook her head and glanced out the window in his office, “I’m from here, Terrasen is in my blood.”

It seemed like that was the answer Rowan was looking for. He smiled, wrote down a final note, and looked back at her.

“I think that’s all I need right now, Aelin,” Again, the way he said her name sent butterflies flitting around her stomach.

He stood up and she did the same, pulling her purse back over her shoulder. He walked around his desk and opened the door for her.

“Aelin,” Rowan’s voice made her pause as she stood in the open doorway.

“Yes, Rowan?” she looked up at him expectantly with a small smile.

“I take my break in half an hour, there's a coffee shop just down the block, if you want to hang around or come back then, I'd like to take you out for coffee.”

Aelin smiled brightly at him and nodded, “I’d like that. I’ll come back in half an hour.”

He grinned and held her gaze another moment before she turned to leave.

“Oh, and Rowan?” She turned back to look at him but saw he already—or still—had his eyes on her.

“Yeah?”

“You don't have to use express shipping on that, it's fine if it takes a couple days.”

The sound of Rowan’s deep laughter followed her through the doors.

*****

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