#Finding an apartment will be easy I’ve already sort of planned on it bc it was always a possibility but. I don’t want to live alone :(

[alatariel-galadriel]

aaAAAH change is coming quickly!!! (In four months) with no advance notice!!! (Four months) for something I’ve never done before!!! (I’ve done this three separate times) I have no time to prepare!!! (FOUR MONTHS)

[quinnhills]

Good to know you're feeling welcome! :D this is our little place in the internet, and we've decided to make it trans and gay as hell (n i gotta say, i did think "they-them gang! :o" when i found out you started using they/them too a while ago X3 ) n if you received this ask more than once, my tumblr bugged out before i could finish, sorry (。_。)

anyways, and sorry if this is long, but Woe- More Tumblr Things Be Upon Ye:

there used to not be an image limit before, causing a few- interesting posts… tho that changed a few years ago and recently, at first the limit being 10 images per post to now 30 images per post (you can also move the images around a bit)

if you plan on staying long term on tumblr and use desktop the most, i recommend getting the browser extensions Xkit &/or New Xkit cuz… yeah, tumblr is pretty nice, but it sometimes gets hard to use. it also adds extra useful things to the tumblr experience, which is nice to have. i'd say tumblr is like living in a cheap apartment in a calm area of the city. the place's great for what it is, just gotta be sure to leave rat traps near holes and dont worry about the Beast down the hall,

speaking of rats, we got an infestation. you may or may not have heard of it with the voter fraudage going with the polls a bit ago; since tumblr has little to No email verification, people outside tumblr buy bots to get in here and start posting malicious links. tho the bots are surprisingly easy to identify (often times blank blogs with very weird descriptions + stolen picture of lady or ai generated. you'll know it when you see it), and the protocol here is block and report spam so staff can deal with it

and btw if you want to keep a post for as long as your blog stands, i recommend rebloggin! thanks to how tumblr is build as, even if the original post or that blog is gone, the reblog will stay with you (+ tags on reblogs dont really make a post expand outside of your own blog, so many use this to create Very intricate personal tag systems to make easier finding posts, bc once a blog gets 1k+ post in it, it gets hard finding anything on it... <- knows this from experience u.u)

oh and last thing before i go again (and something i found out recently), another browser extension ive been loving: Stylus! with it you can customize a ton of sites to your liking And with a specific style found in the archive of this extension, you can change how the dashboard looks! even changing the background to any image you might want :D

so yeah, thats it, for now. i got more info if you want it, just lmk 👉👈

and you probably already noticed this, but there isnt really any word limit for posts or asks around these lands. tho on tags, the character limit on a single tag is 139. but you can put a Lot of tags, so there! be free mx quinn, no character limit holds you down no more ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ

Thank you so much for the knowledge!

Some Quinn Facts:

Mx., Ms. and Miss are all acceptable :)

I use “gay as hell” as a sort of tongue-in-cheek shorthand, but I also identify as trans as hell, queer as hell, non-binary as hell, lesbian as hell, and anxious/depressive as hell

I’m a vegetarian

My favorite food is pineapple pizza (controversial, I know)

For a few years in the early 2000s, I was a licensed auctioneer

The most times I’ve ever cried during a movie is 5 times during Happiest Season

I like the idea of books, but I’m bad at reading them

Overalls give me gender euphoria, and I don’t know why

I hope to release a solo album within the next year

I hope to direct a feature-length film by the time I’m 40

Coming out was the best thing I ever did

[duncebento]

you study abroad right? how has that been? i want to but im worried its going to be too hard to adjust to plus school

i do!! i’ll give pros n cons though they might be specific

pros:

- i’m confident that i’m getting some of the best education i could be, which even though i’m from new york where there r many college options i still feel that it would’ve been settling to stay at home. to me it’s worth being there for the school

- i do like having the opportunity to immerse myself in another language as someone interested in linguistics!

- for italy specifically, food, art, architecture, pre-capitalist city planning which i feel is more….human-centric?

- since my school is in english, i have meet ppl from allll around the world. my class was originally 16 ppl and we were from 10 different countries across 5 continents. of the friends i’ve made there, one is chinese from hungary, one is from portugal, one is from india, one is from zimbabwe, and two are other usamericans.

- the cost isn’t great since it’s a private school, but i’m still paying less than i could have been in the US, n godwilling i will not graduate w student debt

- europe has trains so i can go places so easily

- night-out bar and club culture that i wouldn’t have access to yet in the US w/out a fake, but which i feel is crucial to the college experience lol. will treasure memories dancing to live music at the cuban bar, drinking spritzes on the river, bringing bottles of prosecco to house parties

cons:

- paperwork is so annoying ESPECIALLY because italian bureaucracy is ill-managed. BUT americans have such a passport privelege, my old roommate from iran couldnt come to school for months bc of her visa

- apts are still expensive i general, especially in places like florence w a high tourist appeal bc they are also airbnb infected, which has totally jacked up rent rates. right now i’m blessedly paying what i would definitely call reduced rent because a rich friend of a friend of a friend had an old apartment that she’s renting to me for far less than market price. but without knowing people from the area already apt hunting is hell.

- it’s not entirely a con, but def a learning curve around communication, because european profs are often excitable or brusque or sometimes even cruel in my experience in a way that wouldn’t fly so much in american colleges (though part of that is the fashion element imo.) it was hard for many americans to adapt to this sort of criticism

- i am definitely more conscious of my blackness in italy, ppl are more ignorant about black people (though imo not actually more hateful.) but ppl are also so amazed by my hair which is nice sometimes lol…..american whites will like never compliment black hair cos theyre scared. but yeah white ppl in europe dont have much of a faux pas developed against certain racism yet

- i do miss my family when i’m there— though now i miss my friends when i’m not there! and the time zone diff >_<

- it is very easy to be lonely, esp. at first. at fashion school i’m not really around “my type” of people, which means i feel really isolated even around the other americans. they just don’t know how to make heads or tails of me i suppose. but then, if i really think of it, that might just be a con of being weird in general. my usual odds of finding someone i really gel with are about 1/500, so that puny statistic decreases even further when most ppl around me don’t speak english as a first language.

[britt-thats-it]

Being back on tumblr is so nice. It’s like I never left (except I can’t remember everyone I used to follow/they probs left too).

(feelsies under the cut)

I only left because this couple I almost dated (who took my not dating them very hard) sort of cyber stalked me here. I kept making new accounts and they kept finding them and showing them to everyone in the scene we were all part of and following all the people I was mutuals with and it was… not cool.

Anyway, I’ve been really struggling with grief since quarantine. I had a huge falling out with my sister who I had been living with for the last 4 years. Her lack of recovery was badly interfering with my recovery and I was so deeply triggered by her behavior that I was barely functioning. I was in a constant state of flared up, in so much pain every day, even laying down was uncomfortable. I wasn’t able to eat bc my reflux was going crazy, I was starting to drink too much (something I hadn’t struggled with in years), I wasn’t sleeping. The pressure of being home together all the time took its toll.

Coincidentally, divine timing being what it is, my partner and I were spending hours on the phone every day. Just falling so in love. We’d already been together for almost a year, but her two other relationships falling apart, career change, and my chronic illness and not remembering how to be in a relationship (lol— it had been a LONG time and I was fully down to spend the rest of my life alone) kept us at a bit of a distance. We had been very close friends for a couple years beforehand, so when we took things to a romantic level, the feelings progressed quickly but we just didn’t have much time for each other. Anyway, she invited me to come stay with her. I was only planning on 2 weeks, but I literally never left. Everything just felt so easy and sweet. We handle each other with such care. Over the last 3 years my life has become a kind of stable that I’ve never (I mean NEVER) experienced. I love it and I am so grateful for it.

But I remember from my trauma-filled childhood, the survival mode of the present puts off the feelings for later. It isn’t until you have a calm moment that the feelings about what you just went through hit you.

The last 7 years hit me like an 18 wheeler. Going no contact with my family, living on the road, losing my job and being homeless, moving to nyc on a wing and a prayer, living with my sister and reliving A lot of my childhood through her behaviors, struggling through the capitalist ass New York art scene as an autistic person while also being very poor, working my fucking ass off, *just* about to hit my stride and do this fuckin career thang and boom. Covid.

I made an album, collaborated on a friend’s album, started my podcast and wrote a book. I’m in the middle of making another album. All this while feeling myself really trust someone, really learn what partnership means, really feeling like an adult, but also feeling so so wounded. The grief has been the heaviest thing I’ve ever felt. I lost myself a little bit. Insert bloody goopy chrysalis metaphor here.

I did all this but not joyfully, not really. Something was missing.

I have been trying, in the last few months, to unironically find my bliss again. I lost my sparkle, I lost my drive. I really feel like I experienced my own metaphorical death. I was anxious and raw, I second-guessed every interaction because I felt like I didn’t know how to be a person. I was completely sober!! Just fucking raw dogging life!!! I was scared all the time. I forgot my passions, I forgot my purpose. I still worked on stuff, I still created (a lot that I’m proud of!!) but idk I just wasn’t the same free-spirited confident lil powerhouse I came to know myself to be.

I think I gave too much on other social media. I think I was too vulnerable and too available and it got me into trouble. I think I confused work for life and I soured my own creation process for me. It became too important. Every hobby, every passion became kindling for money making or making “it” or whatever. I forgot how to have fun. I burnt myself out.

I recently started remembering hobbies I had that I never shared with anyone irl. Exercise/weight lifting, which I picked back up again in February, slowly testing the waters to see if my disordered relationship to it would return, it didn’t. Feeling myself getting stronger being exactly what I needed (literally and metaphorically) and all the good stuff that does to my confidence. Playing music just for fun, just sitting down with an instrument and playing 😫 locking myself in a room and flitting around like a mad scientist creating something I love 😫 dancing 😫 meditation 😫 journaling 😫 pulling tarot cards just for me 😫 and finally, longing for connection of some sort; for actual vulnerability and not people just fucking marketing themselves all the time— I remembered how much tumblr helped me. How much it inspired me. How it helped me become the person who made all those scary changes, who learned who I am and learned how to walk away. So much good came from that decade I spent here, so I decided to come back.

It’s exactly what I needed.

[ghoulangerlee]

kisses on the forehead or kisses from behind for Malex😊

so it takes me a while to write oops, but I didn't quite have inspiration but then 3x08 happened and well... y'know. I GUESS this could be considered a 3x08 coda because it takes place after The Kiss sorta. I haven't watched 3x09 yet so.

So, this is just. sweet and syrupy smut; there's both forehead kisses and kisses from behind ;;

Really though, sometimes you just wanna see Michael fucking Alex and like, write what you wanna see and all that hahaha.

Posted on tumblr bc I'm in denial that I'm writing for this fandom oop. (Side note: If you wanna support a writer I do have a ko-fi :). Please be gentle this is the first time I've written smut since like, before April this year.)

it's all under the read more because it immediately starts as smut, sorry adlkfjd.

------

Michael drops a tender kiss to the back of Alex’s neck as he settles on his knees between Alex’s spread legs, one hand curled around his thigh, shifting it outward until he’s spread just so.

Alex sighs out Michael’s name, turning his head to the side so he can watch the man from the corner of his eye—the early morning light is just now coming through the slats of the blinds, peeking through the curtains and it bathes Michael in a warm glow that almost makes everything feel like a dream.

It’s not though, a dream, finally after so much time apart, he—they can have this again, but slower now, less of a crash landing and more like coming home.

“This comfortable?” Michael’s voice is barely above a whisper, his words spoke into the soft skin behind Alex’s ear as he settles his weight down onto Alex.

A hum forces it’s way out of Alex’s throat, soft and pleased as he bends his other knee a little, using the leverage to push back against Michael, feeling where the other man is hard and ready, “S’good,” he finally manages, the words thick in his mouth, syrupy.

A soft hiss falls from Michael’s lips, the rush of cool air against Alex’s skin making him shudder, already so over sensitive from the soft, careful touches that Michael had woken him up with that morning. “I think we can make it better than just good,” he whispers, pressing another kiss behind Alex’s ear, “You up for it?”

Alex snorts softly, reaching back to halfheartedly swat at Michael’s side, the early morning must be getting to him, the new vulnerability of the two of them being together make Alex a little sentimental, a little honest, and before he can stop himself—“I’d been hoping for something like this for longer than I’d been willing to admit to myself.” He admits, voice quiet but clear, “I couldn’t dare to hope and now…”

Though he trails off, Michael seems to understand the implication as he shifts to the side, just enough to make the next kiss land somewhere near Alex’s lips, and when Alex turns his head just right, he catches Michael’s mouth in a kiss so sweet and slow that Michael’s weight presses him down more into the bed as a warm hand curls around his jaw, taking some of the strain off, holding him there for several long moments.

Distantly, Alex realizes that it’s Michael’s left hand, something that was once a reminder that what they had couldn’t be anything beyond a secret somewhere in the desert, but now—there’s no bandana wrapped around his hand anymore, there hasn’t been last night when Michael kissed him at the Pony, either, and something releases in his chest, something warm and happy—love.

“Michael,” Alex murmurs when they finally break apart, “Michael, I need—”

Michael’s lips press against Alex’s temple, “I’ve got you,” he whispers, dropping another kiss to his hairline before he pulls back, grabbing for the lube he’d tucked under his shin earlier, trying to warm it.

He smooths a hand down Alex’s back, shushing him softly when he makes a noise of discontent, “I’m not going nowhere,” he promises, voice low and full of intent, “Finally got you where I want you and I plan to take advantage of it.”

As he speaks, he’s squeezing lube onto his fingers, spreading it slowly as he closes the cap and drops it back down to bed, “Easy now,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to Alex’s shoulder blade as he presses a finger into him slowly.

“Michael,” Alex breathes out then, at the careful, gentle touch, slow and easy like they’ve got all the time in the—

Oh. He realizes as Michael’s finger slides in deeper, they do have time now, they can afford themselves this luxury of taking things slow, of exploring each other and relearning everything that drives the other crazy.

“Michael,” he says again, clenching his fingers in the sheets, pressing his forehead against his wrist as he squeezes his eyes shut at the sudden onslaught of emotion that seizes him.

It’s new and he thinks, briefly that he might be moving way too fast in the grand scheme of things but this is what love feels like. This is what loving Michael Guerin is supposed to be.

Michael presses a kiss to Alex’s shoulder, “You still with me?” he murmurs, curling his finger in a way that has Alex gasping and shifting under him. “Seems like you’re thinking too hard for what’s going on right now.” He whispers the words into Alex’s skin, and Alex can feel the curl of his lips as he says it, playful and teasing.

“Thinking about you,” Alex manages, the words muffled into the skin of his wrist, “Always thinking about you.”

Michael hums at that, and Alex hears the click of the lube cap again before another finger presses inside him, the suddenness causing him to gasp, “I’m right here, baby,” he says, voice filled with soft amusement, “Don’t have to think that hard about me.”

When Alex groans this time, it’s mostly out of exasperation, “Michael,” he says, “Don’t be a dick.”

Michael laughs then, leaning over to press a kiss to Alex’s temple, “Darlin’,” he coos, “I’m just teasing you, helping you relax a little,” he murmurs, “Tryin’ not to blow my load while I finger you, baby. Thinkin’ about how after all this time, it finally feels like I’ve come home.”

“Jesus,” Alex groans, “I’m not going to last if you keep talking like that,” he says, with the slightest hint of desperation in his voice.

Michael hums, pressing another kiss to Alex’s temple, “Think you can handle another?”

“Could probably take you now,” Alex murmurs, shifting under Michael again, a little in impatience, a little to get friction against his dick, “Didn’t want to come across as too easy or too much so soon, but—”

Michael shushes him again, “I’ve always liked how easy you get for me,” he whispers into Alex’s ear, “How much you wanted to be with me back then. Always eager to get your hands on me, always wanting mine on you…” he smiles when he feels Alex shiver, “It’s okay to want things, and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you get them.”

Alex makes a punched out sort of noise, “I want to feel you,” he admits quietly, shifting under Michael again, “Next time, we can go slower, you can draw it out for hours if you want, I just…”

“I’m going to hold you to that offer for next time,” Michael murmurs with a smile, “I’d love to get you all desperate and eager for me, keep you like this for however long I want,” he presses a kiss to Alex’s temple, then cheek, then jaw, “But this time, we’ve both wanted this for so long, I’d be a fool to draw it out for much longer.”

Alex makes some sort of noise in agreement and within the next few minutes, Michael is carefully sliding his fingers out of Alex, pressing a lingering kiss to the center of his back before the weight disappears—

Before he can think too much, before his lust addled mind can protest, Michael’s back, and suddenly, Alex’s need to see Michael kicks his hard in the ribs, “Michael, Michael,” he says, and his voice sounds strange to his own ears, “Michael, I want to see you, please.”

Michael’s weight disappears for a moment, and then his hands, warm and only the slightest bit sticky from lube are on his sides, helping him roll over until he’s spread out almost in the center of the bed, staring up at Michael with flushed cheeks and half lidded eyes.

“There you are,” Michael says with a warm smile, settling between Alex’s spread legs, his palms resting against Alex’s inner thighs now, pushing outward just enough for Alex to feel the stretch of it, “Like this?”

Alex nods, pushing himself up with one hand so he can curl his other arm around Michael’s shoulders, pulling him down until their chests are pressed together, tilting his head up so he can meet Michael’s lips in a kiss—he throws every single feeling he can’t put into words into that kiss, curling his fingers into the back of Michael’s hair, tugging him closer.

Michael goes easily, one hand gently cupping Alex’s jaw to kiss him back just as sweetly.

“I love you,” Alex whispers when they part, breathing heavily, lips parted and red, tempting and Michael kisses him again, harder this time, a little more desperate.

Michael pulls away moments later, resting their foreheads together, “I love you too,” he whispers into the space between their lips.

Alex smiles up at him, his cheeks flushed, eyes bright and happy and Michael makes a soft noise, “Jesus, Manes, you’re going to kill me.”

“Only in good ways, I hope,” Alex says, running his fingers through Michael’s hair, “Now,” he murmurs, nudging Michael’s side with his knee, “I believe we were in the middle of something?”

Michael huffs softly, fondly, shaking his head at Alex before leaning down for another quick kiss, “You’ve got me all distracted again,” he mumbles, leaning back as Alex drops back down onto the bed, laughing softly to himself and looking so happy that Michael almost wishes he could take a picture of this moment and keep it somewhere he can look at it whenever he feels the self-doubt sink in.

“Let me distract you in other ways, then,” Alex says with a grin, finding the lube, half wedged under his thigh now, “I think you know what to do from here, right?” he asks, tilting his head in question.

Michael shakes his head, laughs and takes the lube from Alex, shifting closer as he squeezes some lube into his palm, “You’re the one who kept distracting me,” he says, hissing softly as he takes himself in hand.

Alex bites his lower lip as he watches Michael touch himself, “Uh huh, just giving you a chance to get yourself under control so it’s not over in two minutes,” he teases, raising an eyebrow at Michael when he looks up, “Now come on,” he says, somewhat impatiently. “I need you, Michael.”

Michael huffs softly, uses the hand already around his dick to steady it as he pulls Alex’s hips further into his lap, pressing the head teasingly against where Alex wants him the most—he waits, listens to the hitch in Alex’s breath before he pushes inside, slow.

It’s incredible, like coming home all over again and something that now Michael’s sure he could never live without.

Alex’s hands grab for Michael’s biceps, head pushing back against the bed as he moans, half Michael’s name, half gibberish, curling one leg around Michael’s lower back, trying to pull him closer.

“I’ve got you,” Michael whispers, breathless, leaning close to press kisses along the curve of Alex’s jaw, “I’ve got you baby,” he repeats, feeling one of Alex’s hands come up to cup the back of his neck, holding him close, “Fuck, you feel amazing, so good for me, Alex.”

Alex makes a soft noise, shifting his hips further into Michael’s lap, “I missed this,” he admits with a sigh, sliding his palm up Michael’s arm, across his shoulder, “Missed us being together like this, feeling you like this.” He tilts his head, catching Michael’s lips in a sweet kiss. “You can move,” he murmurs into it. “I’m ready.”

The first several thrusts are slow, a little shaky, as if Michael can’t seem to believe he’s actually allowed to have this again, that this isn’t a dream, that Alex is here and real under him, whispering soft words of pleasure against his mouth.

Michael rests his forehead against Alex’s shoulder and Alex’s arms come around him, holding onto him as each near breathless affirmation grows in volume, Alex’s hands petting along his upper back, nails scratching against skin so gentle that Michael almost wants to cry—

“Faster,” Alex murmurs into Michael’s ear, palms spreading out against Michael’s skin as he digs his heel into Michael’s lower back, “Wanna feel it, Michael,” he whispers, “Wanna feel you all day, wanna remember this when I’m alone,” he drags his nails lightly up the center of Michael’s back, feeling him shudder under his touch, feels his hips quicken, feels the way Michael grabs him with both hands, hitching him higher into his lap, “That’s it—”

Michael makes a noise, something low and guttural as he pulls back from Alex’s shoulder, his lips finding Alex’s in a desperate kiss; deepening it almost immediately in a way that has Alex groaning into it, digging his nails harshly into Michael’s back.

“Gonna make you come first,” Michael mumbles as he pulls away, “Touch yourself for me, show me how good I’m making you feel, baby.” He brushes his nose gently against Alex’s before he’s glancing between them, watching Alex wrap a hand around himself, trying desperately to keep up with the quick pace Michael’s set.

It doesn’t take long after that, never takes long when they really get into it, Alex realizes somewhere distantly, they’d always been compatible sexually, everything about it explosive and mind blowing no matter the situation—but now, with Michael pressing kiss after kiss to every inch of exposed skin he can reach, with Michael whispering soft words against his shoulder, his chest, fucking into him just right, Alex can’t help himself—he gasps Michael’s name, long and low as he arches, feels Michael’s hand cover his as he comes, and together they stroke him through it until he’s sensitive and gasping, nudging their hands away with a shudder of almost too much.

Alex pulls him into another kiss, mostly gasping against Michael’s mouth, quietly urging Michael to keep moving, to keep going; half words of love and praise fall from his lips as Michael breaks away from the kiss, resting his forehead against Alex’s shoulder again, holding his hips tight enough to leave behind bruises and—fuck what a thought that is, and if Alex could get hard again, he probably would, at the thought of Michael marking him in a way that no one could see but the both of them would know.

“Come, Michael,” Alex whispers, tangling his fingers in Michael’s hair, giving it a light tug, turning his head to press a wet kiss to his temple, “Come for me, baby, let me feel you,” he murmurs, wrapping his free arm around Michael’s shoulders, holding onto him tight even as the shocks of overstimulation become just on the side of too much—he gasps when Michael’s teeth close over his skin, right on the curve of his shoulder and with one more good tug of his hair, Michael’s swearing softly into his skin, hips moving in quick, short thrusts as if he can’t help it.

Alex feels the warmth, the way Michael’s thrusts taper off until he’s pressed as close to Alex as he can, buried deep inside him, gasping wetly against his shoulder as he comes down from his high, Alex’s hands gentle now, one petting over his sweaty back, the other gently scratching Michael’s scalp.

“Fuck,” Michael eventually mutters, pulling back so he can look down at Alex, “We’ve still got it, huh?” he asks, face adorably flushed, looking completely fucked out as Alex feels and Alex laughs, gently pulling Michael down into another kiss.

Michael goes to pull back, to separate them, to clean up, but Alex just makes an impatient noise against his mouth, tugging him deeper into the kiss, into his embrace, until Michael’s weight is resting fully on Alex, pressing him down into the bed.

When they finally do separate, Alex laughs a little, brushing Michael’s hair back from his face, “I know we should clean up, maybe get breakfast, but I kind of want you right here for a little bit longer.” He admits softly, framing Michael’s face with his hands. “We have a lot to do still and I’m not ready for this to end just yet.”

“The afterglow?” Michael asks, leaning into Alex’s touch, eyes fluttering closed, smiling when Alex hums in reply. “I think we can stay like this a little bit longer, don’t think the world’s gonna end just yet.

Alex glances over at the window, where the curtain’s parted just enough to let in the early morning light—and Michael huffs a little, waves his hand as the curtains close on their own, the room suddenly a little darker than before.

“Michael,” Alex says, snatching his phone out of the air from where it’s floating just beside them, “What—”

“Set an alarm, give us an hour, and then, we’ll get ready and go save the world,” Michael says, “I think we can afford that, don’t you?”

Alex looks between his phone, at the time across the screen—it’s not even nine yet, and then he looks down at Michael who’s staring up at him with such a look of love that Alex’s heart seizes in his chest, “Okay,” he finally says, “Okay, yeah,” he blindly fumbles his way through setting an alarm, tossing his phone down onto the bed when he’s done, “An hour. Breakfast then? We can go to the Crashdown, together,” he says, extra emphasis on the word together.

Michael’s smile is bright, and he leans down, presses a kiss to Alex’s mouth, “I knew I could convince you,” he says, shifting enough to rest his head on Alex’s chest, “An hour for us and then we’ll face the world together.”

[lizacstuff]

Bölüm 45 asks

Plus a few asks from 44, and one about the fragman for 46

Read more under the cut

Anonymous asked: I cannot believe that Ayse revived the "Kemal is Serkan's real father" theory but I think I'm down for it? At least now Kiraz has one decent grandparent and he seems like genuinely nice man. I've been wishing for him to have some scenes with Serkan because the way they set up this S2 plot, they could relate to one another and I was sad to see that he spent 5 years hiding instead

I'm down for this plot! See, now that I know they're doing the long-lost-father plot, it makes all the sense in the world why Serkan doesn't like Kemal and they didn't forge a relationship in the last five years. If they had, then finding out he's his dad would have been a lot less jarring and dramatic. Finding out now and then forging the relationship I think will be a bit more meaty story so it works for me.

To me this story works on a lot of levels, and makes sense with who Serkan is and his very strained relationship with Alptekin. It's like Alptekin sensed it, and resented Serkan his whole life. For those worried that Serkan will no longer have the last name Bolat, I'm not sure where that's coming from. Maybe I'm just not familiar with other cultures, but that is his name, Alptekin raised him, adults don't just up and change their name because of genetics. If you're adopted and you meet your bio dad as an adult, you don't change your name to your bio dad's.

Serkan's name is very much a part of his identity. Which is why this story has so much potential, because it could shake Serkan to his very core to find out who he thought he was, was wrong. He thought he was unlovable, most importantly maybe he'll finally realize there was more at play there and it wasn't at fault.

Anonymous asked: There were a couple things in the last episode that didn't sit well with me. 1. I can't believe Eda made Serkan sleep outside at night and didn't feel bad in the morning when she realized he got sick! 2. The way Seyfi announced Aydan and Kemal's secret relationship. It wasn't his secret to tell, though Aydan did deserve the way everyone reacted. So I got over that pretty quick. 3. Burak!!! He's not the one for Melo. She deserves better and if they end up together in the end, I'm gonna protest.

1. Unless you're going to put the same energy into not believing that Serkan had the gal to remove his bed on the floor as a way to maneuver himself into Eda's bed before she was ready, I really can't relate. It was done for comedy, my advice is to unclench and just giggle along.

2. Or you could look at it as being unfair of Aydan to burden Seyfi with that secret and require he lie to his other employer for five years. I mean I don't disagree that it wasn't his secret to tell, but Aydan had plenty of chances, and it was time for it to come out.

3. This one we are in 100% agreement about. MELO DESERVES BETTER. I will die on this hill.

Anonymous asked: Hi! Do you think Serkan actually believes in Kerem's abilities (he trusts Eda's faith in Kerem) or is this part of his plan to win Eda back? Either way I'm okay, just wondering what you think.

No, I do not think he gained a sudden belief in Kerem's abilities, but I do think he believes in Eda. And if Eda believes in Kerem then when push comes to shove that is enough for Serkan. Of course, he did it as part of his plan to win Eda back. Serkan is taking every opportunity to let Eda know that he respects her and believes in her and I think this was another example of that. There was also an aspect of him trying to win over another person in Eda's circle who was suspicious of him. The fewer people he has working against him, the better! He knows he has no shot with Burak or Ayfer, so this episode he worked on Melo and Kerem. But mostly it was him trying to make Eda's life easier, by smoothing over a personnel problem she was having, thus making working out of Art Life a more attractive option for her. All of those things in one!

Anonymous asked: What do you think about Eda and Piril's friendship? This episode really highlighted how close they've gotten.

Yes, they have gotten close, and I'm happy Eda has a friend, but at the same time I don't trust Piril. This is a woman who discarded Eda and embraced Selin when she was manipulating and abusing a brain-damaged Serkan.

Eda might be able to forget, but I can't. Also as a character she's just boring, rigid and humorless. One of my least favorites on screen.

That being said I do like the triad dynamic of Kiraz/Can, Serkan/Engin, and Eda/Piril, it was fun when they were calling each other at the same time.

Anonymous asked: Idk if they reached out to Maya just because she looked like Hande considering she had no acting experience, but this little girl is like the best casting I've seen. The chemistry with Hande and Kerem is amazing. She's so expressive. I am a Kiraz stan.

She's doing a fantastic job, precious thing! I have no idea how they found her, I know she was an instagram model, but the SCK casting director strikes again. This season doesn't work if we don't fall in love with Kiraz. Thankfully, we did!

Anonymous asked: Hi! Since it seems that we will have 13 episodes, do you think that Edser reconciliation/wedding will be left for the finale, 12-13 ep? Cause Ayse loves to drag and keep them apart.

I think the wedding might be closer to the end, but I think reconciliation will be a bit sooner than that.

However, I have to say that it's really not like they're apart.. is it? I mean this episode we had them living together, sort of casually planning their future together. Next episode we have them pretending to be married and ramping up the sexual tension to white-hot-sun levels, these are all good things. With episodes like this, I don't personally consider the show dragging it out.

In fandom I see a lot of peeps upset because Eda isn't getting immediately back with Serkan and I am feeling inpatient as well, do you think the writers are making a mistake keeping them apart?

Again, I guess my response to you is, by what definition was this episode "keeping them apart?"

Yes, they aren't having sex, but they are living together, working together, raising their daughter together, and I'm a-okay with having a couple of delicious episodes of that while they are still not fully back together romantically. Let's be real, they're still waking up in bed together, flirting, and having a romantic dinner together, so it's not like things aren't moving forward, they are. I'd advise putting aside your impatience, and just sit back, relax, and let the story take its course. There is no need to be anxious with this one. They are going to end up with their happily ever after together, but what we're seeing right now is delightful. It's them in family and domestic situations, them with their child. Most shippers only dream of getting to see this.

This sort of goes back to my stance on episodes 16-24, I know that was a frustrating time for a lot of fans because they were "broken up" but I've always said they may have been officially broken up, but they were in a committed relationship that entire time. And I enjoyed those episodes from that perspective, that tension of them being "apart" but still functioning as a unit and still being emotionally tied together underneath it all. There's kind of a similar situation here, they aren't officially back together, Eda is resisting him, but they are in a committed relationship and I don't understand what the need is to rush through this part? Enjoy the sexual tension of them living together, but not sleeping together. Enjoy the rom com romp of Serkan trying to get in her bed, and Eda taking steps to keep him out. Enjoy their daughter putting them in situations that force them into close proximity, and enjoy them falling into easy compatibility without even trying. Enjoy Serkan planning romantic dinners, and Eda enjoying it despite her every effort to protect her heart.

To me this is very good stuff, and spending this time being impatient and wanting what didn't happen yet, instead of enjoying what did happen is pretty much the recipe for unhappiness not just with this show, but life.

Anonymous asked: i feel like i've seen the exact same frustrations ppl have had with eda right now back around the 20s too after serkan told her about her parents' secret. it was like, now that he's told her the truth, she should automatically forgive him and get back together. same thing happening here, with him accepting his role as kiraz's father. it feels like the same impatience that's put on eda to just forgive him already bc everyone wants happy edser and she's in the way lol.. like girl needs time!

Agreed, and it makes me wonder if these folks have ever watched television before, lmao. Patience! There's a story unfolding and from the first 6 episodes it's clear they have a season long arc planned. All in due time.

Eda spent five years thinking that Serkan stopped loving her, and discarded her for work. The second time he used that excuse to break her heart. My goodness, it's more than okay if she needs a little time to adjust and learn how to trust him again. PLUS that means we get to watch him work on her, try to make inroads, romance her, forge a relationship with his daughter and earn Eda's trust back. What's bad in that?

What did you think of the fragman? It's kind of dumb and unrealistic that they have to dance for a school admission interview.

LMAO. Yes, yes it is, but my question to you is, sana ne?

I mean why do you care if the set up is dumb or not? Or if it's realistic? It's a device to get Serkan and Eda to pretend to be married before they're fully back together and an excuse for us to see Edser smash themselves together in a sensual tangle of limbs while they pretend to be unaffected, while both are being engulfed in USTy flames.

I'm not complaining, why are you?

Come on, this show is silly, it has been from day one, enjoy the fact that we are getting silly plots that force our couple into hilarious and hot situations, because Hande and Kerem are going to give us gold, I guarantee it and I'm going to smile through every second watching it.

xxxxxxxxxx

These asks are from episode 44, they came in and I didn't have time to answer before 45 aired:

Anonymous asked: Do you think there is a point when there are too many “parallels” and it becomes more like scenes are being recycled? Because I kinda felt that way in the last episode. Like she’s just tossing in as many things as she can from those first 11 episodes but I’ve already watched those and Id rather we focus more character progression. I feel like they regressed from those honest conversations last week and were back to being petty this week.

I guess my answer is... no, I don't think there have been too many parallels. Episode 44 was partly about truth bubbling to the surface, with the biggest truth being that Serkan has been in love with Eda every minute of every day since they parted. That is a very important thing for Eda to understand and know and they really can't move forward until she does, because she felt unloved and forgotten all those years. Most of the parallels were illustrating that by showing that he held on to their history, he remembered their history and he honored it. Okay by me.

Anonymous asked: There were some amazing dialogues in the episode. I have two that tie for top. One was when Kiraz said that Serkan was her wish (when blowing her birthday candles), and the other was when Serkan said Apollo was never going to give up on the woman he loves nor on the cherries! Oh my heart had feels both times. What were your favourite dialogues in the episode?

Oh man my head is in 45 now, but both of those examples of yours were great. I loved both of them.

The other than springs to mind is while fishing, Eda telling Serkan that he didn't need to be perfect for Kiraz to love him, he just had to be himself.

Swoon.

That's so important for Serkan to hear, because he doesn't think he's worthy of love as himself, so hearing that from Eda is impactful.

Anonymous asked: reading your ep review, i think a big reason some people are hanging on to hate the s2 plot no matter what are just bc they hate the writer. of course not everyone, but a lot of people will just hate on anything she writes out of spite, even if objectively the episode is very good. idk why that is or when ppl decided they hated her but it's not warranted at all imo. i can understand not liking the premise of this season, but after watching it so far there has been SUCH an improvement edser-wise.

People can like, dislike, love, hate anything they want. Consuming entertainment doesn't have to be a team sport. That being said, from what I've seen I'd agree with your assessment. Teams have formed (Anti-Ayse, Pro-Ayse, etc) and the former are too invested in hating everything she does, the former possibly too forgiving at times. That's their choice, but I have to say I feel bad for the anti brigade, this is a show they loved, and most of them are still watching, but they've completely sabotaged themselves from finding any joy in any of it and I think they're going to regret it once it's over.

Also season 2 is so much better than I thought it could be. I honestly thought there was no way to get back to the early quality, but it's here. The show is really watchable and fun this season, and it's a shame for those who've let their attitudes get so negative that they can't enjoy it.

Anonymous asked: Ok so I'm aware this would be highly uncharacteristic of a dizi - but if they know there's only 6 eps left, my dream would be no more big bad events and just spend it rebuilding EdSer as a couple and a family. Would that be too much to ask lol. They've jumped from one disaster to another. Since we're at the end & they have the luxury of knowing it, I just want to see them working through things as a real unit. They've dated for like 7 eps out of 45? Can we get that above 10 at least????

Congratulations! Because that's exactly what we've gotten so far in season 2. Once we got past the trauma of the 5 year time jump, all the drama has been internal to Eda and Serkan and their relationship. The whole season so far has been about rebuilding Edser as a couple and a family. And if you're watching without the tauntruming twitter teens in your ear, you'd realize we ARE watching them work through things as a real unit.

I'll say this until I'm blue in the face (apparently) just because they are not currently sexing each other up, does not mean they aren't emotionally doing all the things necessary to reach their full potential as a couple.

They are. It's happening. Enjoy it.

[finalfrontierpioneer]

2020 Fic Recs

Okay, I did a fic rec list last year for 2019, and nobody asked for this, but you know what, I’m gonna do another one. Really the only thing I wanna look back on about 2020 is the fic- bc damn there were some good ones!

Same as last year, these are fics that were completed in 2020. (So no in-progress fics here)

So here goes, 20 fic recs for 2020, in no particular order! And full disclosure, these are all totally different ratings/pairings/whatever.

I tried to tag all the authors who had tumblrs, but i probably missed some, and some of them aren’t actually working but hey! the username is there!

Some stucky bc of course

Sharpened Claws by tragicama (Explicit)

Steve Rogers has a unique talent of getting himself into danger. As one of New York City’s best homicide detectives, it isn’t easy to ignore the constant call of trouble and gore. At least, that’s what he tries to tell his overprotective and brooding boyfriend, Bucky Barnes, even if he knows it might be a lie.

Bucky is dangerous, gorgeous. . .and a werewolf. As the Alpha of New York City, he is easily considered the most powerful being in the world. But when Bucky begins to lose his control over his shift, he slowly becomes aware of a bond that sends him reeling, and one he’d never thought possible.

But everything is not as it seems. After a homicide case unleashes a sequence of events that neither Steve nor Bucky are prepared for, they soon find themselves entangled with a danger that threatens to rip them apart. With the help of Steve’s partner and best friend, Sam, Bucky and Steve navigate a dark web of pack politics, masquerade balls, and a crash course in what it means to be a pack, even as a greater danger looms. And one that might succeed in ripping them apart.

These Happy Gilded Years by crinklefries @spacerenegades, nalonzoo (Teen)

Steve Rogers, handsome, clever, and rich, with a comfortable home and mostly happy disposition, had lived twenty-three years in the world with very little to distress or vex him.

( Steve is wealthy and and charming, with good humor and good temper, doted upon by his mother and the highest of New York Society, with no one to ever criticize or say the word no to him. Well, other than Bucky. But he doesn't count.

He is also warm and friendly and has a talent for matchmaking. Or so he thinks. Actually, he's kind of terrible at it.

Importantly, Steve will definitely never fall in love or marry, himself. He tells everyone this, repeatedly. Well anyway, we'll see about that. )

Jane Austen's Emma, but a little gayer, set in 1890s Gilded Era New York City

Demon Seed by SucculentHyena (Mature)

[Transcript 00:11:48]

MS: You were with him the most throughout the course of events, both before and after. Your account could shed light on something we may have missed.

JB: What difference will that make?

MS: It could make all the difference. Captain Rogers’ case is unprecedented, he’s the most intact victim we’ve ever recovered-

JB: [laughing] You call that intact?

A Noble Steed by alby_mangroves @albymangroves or @artgroves, leveragehunters (Teen)

"You say the Warhorse showed up last night," Sam said in tones of profound doubt.

"Yeah," Steve replied.

"The Warhorse. The Warhorse of legend. Daelland's Warhorse."

"The same as the one on the back of the transit card, yes."

"And he appeared in your living room?"

Steve eyed the Warhorse, very large and very black and giving him a dubious look out of his strange grey eyes. "He's standing in it right now."

"Uh huh," Sam said.

"Hey, I'm not any happier about it than you are."

* * *

Steve's mom had left Daelland long before he was born, following her heart to New York, but she'd raised him on stories of its famous Warhorse. Before she died, he'd promised he'd go back and learn the country she'd come from.

That was why he was in Daelland. Not so Daelland's legendary Warhorse could appear in his living room. But planned or not that's what had happened—now Steve had to figure out what to do about it.

a hat, a horse (a Hyundai), and the will to ride by elkane @elkane, synonym4life @synonym-for-life (Explicit)

After Steve and Bucky rescue their pals from the Raft prison, they decide to dig deeper into Zemo’s involvement in the UN headquarters’ bombing which sends them on a backpacking trip across select European countries. Steve and Bucky believe this is a story about their mission. Scott Lang and Sam Wilson, who join them halfway through, believe it’s a story about their Eurotrip (and they’re probably right). This writer, however, has been waiting to tell you that the fic’s true mission is Steve and Bucky missioning towards missionary.

Follow them on their journey across Europe in tiny cars, packed subway trains and even on skis as they tumble down the Swiss Alps (in a fun way this time!), all the while reigniting untold feelings of the past through inappropriate sexual encounters and terrible communication skills.

someday at christmas (there’ll be no wars) by stevebuckiest @stevebuckyinc (not rated)

A mission on Christmas. Not even on Christmas, technically. A mission after Christmas which means he and Steve and the Howlies will be trekking through the tundra towards possible death on what used to be Bucky’s favorite day of the year. Jesus Christ.

(alternatively: bucky and steve try to make the best of a shitty situation)

the cabin by natalie_nebula (Explicit)

It felt like he… It felt like they were always so close. Everything seemed like it was under control. He remembers hearing Wanda’s voice, seeing a flash of red out of the corner of his eye. He remembers yelling something back at her, telling her to stop, to not come any closer. He remembers a bright flash, then a boom, and ringing in his ears. He remembers a black blur, and hands on his back, around his waist, then—darkness…

After the explosion in Lagos, Steve wakes up in a cabin in the middle of nowhere, and all he knows is that Bucky's the one who brought him there. While Sam, Nat, and the other Avengers try to figure out what happened to their friend, Steve takes the time away to heal—both his relationship with Bucky, and with himself. My cozy, romantic, and introspective Civil War rewrite.

Every Feeling by Nestri (Explicit)

Steve completely surprises Bucky with a visit, scent thick with heat. The Alpha keeps his hands to himself until Steve makes it clear he doesn't want him to.

Halbarry!

A Speedster and a Space Cop get into a Car by ChocolateTeapots @chocolateteapotsvis (Teen)

Hal and Barry embark on their most perilous mission yet: picking Wally up from the airport.

For Halbarry Week, Day 3: First Times “And you just called me Barry, genius”

Crosswind by Cinderstrato (Explicit)

Hal had collected plenty of regrets over the years. What was the weight of one more?

Just A Mark by the_butler @the-butler-fanstuff (Mature)

“What a nerd.”

Barry had been haunted by these words all his life, seeing as they were his soulmate’s mark. It came out during puberty, just like everyone else’s, but by then he was already well on the way to being a ‘nerd’ so to speak. He wasn’t just some guy claiming to be nerd because he was into Dungeons and Dragons or anime, oh no. He was a bona fide science nerd- went to interstate science fairs and competitions even.

—————(Originally a one-shot, now continued)——————

Barry Allen was working at the forensics lab of Central City PD when it waltzes the new transfer from Coast City, Detective Hal Jordan, not just into the lab but also into his life. There’s the matter of them being soulmates- but Barry is unconvinced. Science tells him there’s a likely chance that they’re just platonic soulmates, so Hal suggests an experiment of sorts: they go on three dates, and then decide whether or not they’re just platonic, or something more.

Tired by ceelolights @ceeloilights (Gen)

Hal comes home to Barry still working late into the night.

Last but most certainly not least, Jeronica:

The long way round to heaven by Bearfacedcheek (Mature)

“This could screw everything up. Jesus why couldn’t you just, fucking not?”

“I did just fucking not Jughead,” she retorts hotly. “I’ve been not for months. No one was ever supposed to know, least of all you. So, don’t blame me for what you saw when you invaded a private moment.”

“Oh, my bad Veronica,” sarcasm, his most comfortable armour, wraps itself around his words. “Did my near-death experience compromised your privacy? I’m sorry that my spirit took an astral fucking walk out of my almost corpse and y-”

“Don’t,” she gasps. Her hand flies to her mouth and it trembles visibly as she draws it away. “Don’t say that. Jesus Jughead we almost lost you.”

sadder, badder, cooler by thefudge @thefudge (Teen)

AU. Just who is Veronica's mysterious new husband? (based on season 5 spoilers)

all i’ll ever need is you by whatacoolkid @whatacoolkid (Teen)

jughead and veronica but make it ✨christmas✨

destined to be forgotten by bothromeoandjuliet @kindnessinpain2000 (Teen)

There are plenty of broken things in Riverdale - broken families, broken trust, broken hearts - but in the middle stands the two most broken things of all, Veronica Lodge and Forsythe 'Jughead' Jones.

(Jughead and Veronica learn about the Barchie kiss - this is the aftermath)

I Really (Don’t) Know What I Want by Bella_Dahlia @bella-dahlia (Mature)

There were many potential disasters to befall an average weirdo high school student; when one had an active imagination and a love for John Hughes films, as Jughead Jones did, you sort of assumed you had foresaw the possibilities. Plus, after solving a sordid murder and joining a gang, he really thought he gone through his fair share of teenaged trauma.

Having to fake a relationship to save his best friend from dedicating his life to a mafia and getting punched repeatedly in the process definitely had not crossed his mind before now.

——————————————

Or, Jughead and Veronica don’t really know what they’ve gotten themselves into.

all the lovers with no time for me by Krewlak (Mature)

jeroncia goes to stonewall. that's it. that's the fic.

call it what you want to by an_expensive_imagination (Teen)

“First things first,” Veronica says, reaching up to slide the ever-present gray beanie off his head, “no beanies in college.”

And here’s a one off random spideypool:

Shooting For Your Heart by X_Gon_Give_It (Teen)

“In my defense, I didn’t expect you to get hurt.”

“And I didn’t expect to be run out of town, yet here we are.”

He went suddenly stiff, “Wait...you were run out of town?”

“As if you didn’t know,” Peter grumbled, but when he looked up he did a double-take at Wade's confused expression. “Almighty, you really don’t know, do you?” he snapped the drawer shut, “Well, after that little fiasco by Two-Stone Canyon, a little rumor spread that me and you were in cahoots. The rumor got some ground and it turned the whole town against me. I was run out before I could defend my case. Why'dya think I was out there the other night to begin with?”

<><><><><><>

When Peter Parker, a deputy known as Webslinger, gets accused of working with the West's deadliest outlaw he finds himself on the run from the people he once trusted. In an effort to prove his innocence, he finds himself captured by the very outlaw tarnishing his name.

[gryfon-spanish-werewolf]

The Choice - Part 2

Part 2 of my elsanna Hulder/Valkyrie au :D I know I said I’d make them 1-1.5k but I guess my sweet spot is 2-3k ¯\_(^^;)_/¯  Good for y’all

I highly recommend reading Chapter 1 and/or the original concept for context because this chapter picks up EXACTLY where we left off. And I do mean exactly. ao3 and ff.net links are up too!

Shout out to @like-red-lads again for indulging me in the concept, @giuliaciulia89 bc I know you’ve been waiting patiently for this one, and a quick spike for @snowmanmelting since you asked ever so politely for a notification of publishing 💖

--------------------------------------------------

The woman who still crouched naked in the water leveled a glare at the Valkyrie. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

Anna felt like someone had wedged the padding of her armor directly into her skull. Her thoughts zipped too and fro, bouncing off the sides while whatever still sane part of her brain jumped desperately in the middle, trying to grab even one coherent thought.

Who are you? Well that’s easy, I’m Anna, the Valkyrie! Wait no, no, I can’t say that, humans that are still alive can’t know that.

What are you doing here? So funny story - I felt like I needed to be here and find you and I know why but I can't tell you or you won’t believe me, or maybe worse you will believe me and then we’re still stuck because-

Life or Death?

This question was causing the most trouble. Anna felt the answer gallop up her throat again, only for it to wilt and corkscrew off somewhere else as it neared the tip of her tongue. It leaped up her legs and tornado’d around her insides like a rock trapped in a gale, bruising everything it touched, but still it didn’t make itself known to her. It was a pressure, the kind that rattled the lid of a pot over-boiling above the cookfire.

Anna shook her head, feeling more than a little dizzy. The remaining part of her brain that was still running around for a legitimate answer grew tired as well and sat down, which prompted Anna to do the same, plopping down onto the rock below her feet in an unceremonious heap. The woman across from her flinched.

“I guess I mean,” Anna replied slowly as she crossed her arms over her chest, “that I really don’t know. And that’s never happened before.”

The woman narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Which part?”

“All of them. Oh!” Anna pounded her fist into her palm. “Except the first question, I can answer that one. I’m Anna!” She grinned broadly, just like she had for the warrior in the battlefield. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“I wish I could say the same,” the woman groused, “but considering the circumstances, you will have to forgive me for not feeling the same.”

“It’s certainly odd,” Anna mused aloud, putting her chin in her hand. She missed the other woman’s exasperated expression entirely. “Today started out so normal but now everything is strange.”

“That I can agree with.”

“I know!” Anna threw her arms out. “First there was the fight, then my plans changed without warning and I miss my ride home, then I stumble-sprint through the forest following your voice and now you’re talking to me and--!” Anna pulled up short.

She was having a conversation with a human.

A live human.

Which meant…

“Hey, this is going to sound like a trick question but, you can see me, right?”

The woman blinked, a furrow deepening between her brows. “That… does seem like a trick question.” Anna waited patiently, and saw the moment the other woman realized she would have to answer: a defeated drop of her shoulders. “Yes. Yes I can see you.”

“Oh good!” Anna chirped. “I mean uh, not good, actually,” she frowned and looked to the side, thinking. “Well not baaaad.” Anna bobbed her hands in front of her, as though physically weighing the implications on a scale. “Just… unexpected, y’know?”

The look on the blonde’s face told Anna that she did not, in fact, know.

“I… can imagine that thinking you can’t be seen, only to be seen, would be… unexpected,” was the diplomatic reply.

But Anna had already retreated back into her own head, her mini-me having rested long enough to start picking up the pieces and sorting them into piles. Piles of Normal, piles of Weird, and piles of Highly Irregular.

Being seen by a living human was definitely Highly Irregular.

Maybe something had gone wrong with the magic today, or by leaving the company of her sisters the cloaking spell had frayed and broken with distance. Regardless, if this woman did not suspect Anna’s true nature, then she supposed it wasn’t a big deal. She still had the largest issue at hand anyway.

Again the Choice stirred under the skin of her palms, racing past her funny bone in a jolt and stinging the junction of shoulder and neck before disappearing like a snuffed candle.

“Any update on that second part,” a voice startled Anna from her thoughts, “or are we free to move on with our lives?” The woman in the water had started to shiver, goosebumps covering her arms and legs.

“I’m sorry!” Anna jumped up and reached out. “Here, let me help you up.”

The blonde looked at her hand like it was a poisonous snake. “I’m more than capable of getting out myself, thank you.” Her gaze flicked back up to Anna’s, “Especially because you won’t tell me why you’re here. Or you can’t remember, which I can’t say is any better.”

“Oh, right, well…” Anna withdrew her hand and rubbed the back of her neck instead. “I’ll let you do that then.”

A beat passed before something seemed to click in the woman’s brain. “You’re just going to stand there?”

“Huh? Yeah?” Anna cocked her head, “I mean, we’re both women.”

“We’re also strangers,” the woman responded, grinding the final word between her teeth.

“Sure but, it’s not a big deal, I’ve seen plenty of naked women.”

This time it was the blonde who blushed, making her hair stand out more starkly against her reddened skin. “Right,” she said flatly. “Be that as it may, if you’re so determined to stay I’d prefer it if you at least turned around.”

“I… of course. If it makes you more comfortable.” Anna spun on her heel, her back to the water. Throughout their conversation, the strength of the tugging had ebbed, less a riptide and more a kitten batting at a string of yarn, pulling against the middle vertebrae of her spine.

If the woman replied it was lost in the swoosh and splatter of water as she moved from the middle of the stream to the bank. Anna heard the droplets of water splash onto the rocks below, sometimes more, sometimes less. Perhaps she was wringing out her hair.

“Don’t peek,” the woman scolded.

“I wasn’t going to!”

“Prove it. Close your eyes.”

Anna nearly turned around to answer in spite, but caught herself and set her eyes straight into the trees. “I’m already facing away from you, isn’t closing my eyes a little much?” But Anna did as she was told.

“No,” came the muffled reply, as though the woman had turned away from her, also. There was a ruffle of cloth and the sounds of dressing, the clasp of a belt and the slide of shoes.

And then there was the knife.

It was nearly impossible for someone of Anna’s age and battle prowess to mistake the sound of a blade leaving it’s sheathe. And even if she had, the tether pressing against her back suddenly ignited - combusting, roaring and leaping against her like a brush fire.

In a heartbeat Anna whirled around, knees bent and legs spread apart. The woman stood before her a few feet away, now dressed, though water still dripped from her legs and soaked the fabric of her dress at the collar. Between them was a hunting knife, pointed at Anna’s heart.

“You’re armed!?” Anna blurted out.

“Isn’t everyone?” The woman called back, gesturing with the tip of the knife to Anna’s waist before aiming right back at her center. “And so are you, by the way.”

“Yes but that’s because I’m--!” Anna clapped a hand over her mouth in the nick of time. She couldn’t just say she was a Valkyrie, there had to be some kind of rule against that.

“A warrior, I know.” The woman scoffed. Anna swore for a moment her eyes flashed like the glint of sea rime at dawn but it was gone just as fast. “Come from the battle up the hill have you? Is that why you won’t tell me what you’re doing here, you’re not sure whose side I’m on? Whether I’ll run away from you or into your arms? Or are you a deserter? Tucking your tail between your legs and winding up here, caught without a backup plan?”

“Yes! No. What? Absolutely not. A-And no! In that order!” Anna straightened, rubbing a hand on her temple. Her head was starting to ache, not just from the situation (which was already far, far beyond what she’d ever imagined), but from the strain of the pull on her body. Never had it lasted so long or been so overwhelming. It trod up her sternum and into her throat, dancing along the edges of her jaw. Anna ground the heel of her forward foot into the rock below, needing to physically restrain herself from walking forward. The woman noticed her shift in posture and took a half step back. “Yes, I came from the battle,” Anna said, taking a deep breath. “But not because I was involved in it. I came here because… because I needed to find you. Because I heard you singing.”

Well that was true enough, Anna thought to herself. “Who lives and who dies is important to me,” she continued, finding her way through the half truths that would have to bear her along, like stepping stones made from clouds. “But equally important is that those who are not destined for combat are spared. That those whose lives are decided by other things are not drawn into battle needlessly.”

The woman knelt slowly, keeping her front towards Anna at all times while retrieving a bag from behind a rock. She slung it over her shoulder before speaking. “Oh, so you are a judge, too,” she said icily. “Well then decide. But bear in mind - your choice is not the only one guiding my fate today.”

Decide. Choose.

The words barked in Anna's head, bayed like hounds on the scent. The Choice bore down on her again, like the stones that crushed guilty men, one on top of another.

“My name is Anna,” she said gravely, drawing upon the power with which she made Choices before the war drums had even played their first beat.

“Part one,” the woman counted, standing tall.

“I came here to solve a mystery, to find whomever was at the end of a string… a song.”

“Part two…”

Anna felt it, the Choice zinging up her arm, raising the hairs on her neck, feeling the thrum of her heart in her chest. It was time.

“And I choose... to let you go.”

Silence passed between them, and then the woman frowned, the tip of her knife dropping just slightly. “What?”

“I mean, I never meant to keep you here, and I’m sorry that you felt threatened.” Anna placed as much compassion as she could muster into her words, which was quite a lot. One didn’t get good at comforting dead souls by being callous for hundreds of years. Besides, this woman was only human, and if there was a problem with Choosing, that wasn’t her folly but Anna’s, and something she needed to investigate on her own. “You must live somewhere nearby?” Anna coaxed. “The village southwest of here perhaps, down the hills? I’m sure they’ll be happy to see you safe. I won’t tell anyone you were here, just in case. But it’s not safe to stick around. You should go back home.”

“Home…” The word fell oddly from the blonde’s lips. “Yes I-, I’ll do that.”

Anna rocked back on her heels, hands settling genially on her hips. Despite the draw she still felt between her and this woman, it was manageable now. She wasn’t sure what she was going to tell her fellow Valkyries about this, but she’d cross that bridge when she came to it.

“If it’s all the same to you,” the woman said, interrupting Anna’s thoughts, “I’ll wait until you leave. You’ve made yourself more trustworthy than you first appeared, but I’d not like to take chances.”

Anna smiled despite the scrutiny. “Well I was going to offer to walk you home, but you seem like you can take care of yourself. That knife has hardly lowered once.”

“I think that’s a genuine compliment, for which I’ll say, ‘thank you’.” The flicker of a smile came and went in the dappled sunlight across the woman’s face, so quickly Anna almost missed it. “Don’t take this the wrong way… Anna,” the woman spoke as Anna began walking back into the forest, “but I hope I never see you again.”

The Valkyrie’s heart trilled at the use of her name, even as sadness dampened it’s cheer. It was entirely possible they’d never meet again. Perhaps on the next morn, battle long over, Anna would wake and the pull would disappear completely. Freed from the burden of Choice until it came around next time, for someone new. Though, Anna hadn’t been lying when she said she’d arrived following a mystery. And mysteries hated going unsolved.

But for now she trudged through the trees back toward the hill, throwing a last hand over her shoulder in farewell.

With each step the tug grew lighter and lighter - a snag, a tap, a whisper across the room, until finally it was only noticeable if she concentrated.

Clear frost filigree inside a spyglass.

------

Elsa waited until the Valkyrie was long out of sight. She sheathed her knife only when birdsong came back to the wood, and with that movement went the last of her strength.

She fell to her hands and knees, trembling.

A Valkyrie. A Valkyrie had come looking for her.

In all her years, all her centuries of life, Elsa had never been so close to one. She knew who they were and to whom they were sworn. What they dedicated their life to. Reaping souls for the glory of another war and leaving the rest to rot.

Elsa breathed heavily, her brave and icy façade melting as her lungs begged for air to quell the panic in her heart. She’d made a mistake reacting to the Valkyrie's presence, even if it had been a genuine surprise. Humans couldn’t see Valkyries, and if Elsa wanted to remain hidden, she needed to keep pretending she was human.

But the Valkyrie… Anna..., had seemed distracted too. Something had been bothering her, or maybe even hurting her.

Yet she’d been armed, and knew how to use the sword at her hip. She was a woman who decided whether a person would continue on to see the sunset or not.

Even though she’d been kind, Elsa had not been willing to take the risk.

Elsa’s jaw clenched, her hands forming fists, drawing lines in the sand and loose dirt of the riverbank. She’d been clumsy but she hadn’t been caught. Her secret was safe, for now. The Valkyrie still thought she was nothing but an innocent woman, bathing too close to a battlefield.

She gathered the rest of her things, not that she had many. It was time to disappear and lay low for a while. The song she was singing before came back to her mind, but now it felt tainted so she didn’t even hum. Her malaise showed despite her best efforts however, in the irritable swish and flick of her tail beneath her dress.

That is when she had felt the most terror. Anna had not just come upon her naked in flesh, but in spirit.

Every moment she’d crouched in the water had been eons in her mind. Her muscles still ached with the effort of keeping her tail wound around her calf and ankle. Praying that the Valkyrie would have the modesty not to look, or if she didn’t, to be unable to see through the ripples in the water.

Coupled with the intense need to keep her front to Anna’s at all times, lest she see her back, left Elsa with hardly enough energy to stand.

That’s why Elsa had asked her to close her eyes, even with her back turned. She couldn’t trust the Valkyrie’s word, not when Elsa didn’t know the true reason she’d come. While her lie about following a song hadn’t been entirely false, it certainly wasn’t the whole truth. At least Anna had complied with her request. Elsa wasn’t sure what she’d have done if she hadn’t.

Probably disappear into thin air.

But that would have been more suspicious, and Elsa had known she still had a chance to ward off the preoccupied Valkyrie. Though she’d been successful, that triumph, in its wake, only made her light headed, with nerves so bundled up in her core she felt nauseous.

Elsa checked her surroundings one last time before reaching out in front of her, a little above her head. She felt for a Seam, running the pads of her fingers up and down, along divots and warps until she found one and pulled. An opening appeared before her, like a drape pulled away from a window. Inside the world was muted, duller, quieter.

Elsa took one last breath of fresh air before she stepped inside, feeling the doorway close behind her.

After all, the Hulder did say she’d go home.

[catnippackets]

have you seen/would u recommend pacific rim 2? ive heard some things about newt and idk lol

I feel like Im in the minority that actually did think pru was fun but that being said it ended SO abruptly and with like three separate plotlines completely abandoned that I was really frustrated for days after watching it until I had processed everything and had time to think deeply about it lol it just seemed rly unfinished?? it feels like it was deliberately made as 1/2 of two sequels and there needs to be one more to tie everything up. actually I’m gonna ramble abt this bc I have a lot of thoughts (obvs spoilers under the cut)

the thing about the second one was that I genuinely was enjoying it right up until it ended because I swear to god the moment the end screen went up I yelled "what the fuck, that's it?" out loud into my bedroom bc I was so SHOCKED that THAT'S how it all ended, because it just seemed so incomplete?? Like it seemed like one half of a story, that will only be made whole if there's a third one to tie up all the plotlines that they didn't go through with in the second and if that's the case then I will be completely fine with it but if it doesn't or if they dont have a third one at all I will stay so frustrated lol. one silver lining to this is that the vibe of this movie was so different from the first that it almost feels easy to separate it and just imagine it as an AU if you prefer which is sort of nice; usually if a piece of media I like does something bad I feel all gutted and anxious and terrible that this is the canon I have to accept, but something abt this movie just made it feel like it was sort of a totally separate deal. maybe cuz only 3 of the original characters were in it idk

to start off: I felt like there were a couple of plotlines in it that were just sort of introduced and then never seen through which was very ????? Amara & Vik's weird hate-rivalry thing was one of them; Vik instantly has it out for Amara bc she’s jealous, which is a very interesting concept, and then this prompts Amara to become hostile right back at her, which is also a very interesting concept, and then it never got resolved at all? like they couldve done something really cool with those two but it just never went anywhere. and then there was sort of a weird love triangle thing happening between Jake and Nate and Jules that felt so weird bc it had no significance to the plot at all and it felt like it was only thrown in there for the sake of having ~romantic drama~ idk maybe I wasnt paying too much attention and there was more to it than that but it really just seemed like they wanted to put romance in there and didnt want to bother to put any work into it

BUT the thing about romantic sub plots is that THERE ALREADY WAAAAS OOOOOOOOONE which brings me to the biggest frustration I have w this movie because--and DISCLAIMER, this was also my favourite plot point of the movie bc it was by far the most interesting, the biggest reason for me enjoying the movie at all, and the bit I feel like should have had WAY more attention--Newt and Hermann were like legitimately in love in this movie I swear to god I was watching it and thinking “this is GENUINELY the most blatantly gay thing I’ve ever seen in a feature film and I know that straight ppl are very talented at writing gay romances completely by accident so it’s possible that they just accidentally did it this way but also it is REALLY goddamn obvious oh my gooood?” (and then I did a lot of frantic googling and found out that I was right and Charlie Day & Burn Gorman knew what the fuck they were doing and I felt so validated lol), and yet despite this, the movie had them speak for the last time almost at the halfway point of the film and then spend the entire second half apart and not talking at all and even at the post-credits scene where Jake and Newt talked for a bit Hermann wasn't there?? not even behind Jake to give Newt any searching glances?? Nothing??

dude...Newt being possessed by the precursors is a HUGELY interesting concept that actually makes sense and I wish it had had more attention. I’ve seen a lot of ppl say that pru butchered Newt’s character and I don’t 100% agree bc like...being possessed will change you lmao so while yes I’m obviously sad that he wasn’t himself, I feel like it made sense that he had a slight personality change, because it...wasn’t him anymore. we don’t really see the Newt we all fell in love with in the first movie. we THINK we’re seeing him, but halfway through we find out we’re wrong.

my critiques with that plotline are basically that I wish the reveal had happened a little bit later on, and I wish that it had been a little more obvious I guess?? like, we definitely get hints of it (when Hermann excitedly asks Newt to help him with a dangerous unorthodox project and Newt says “dude why are you doing something so risky when we’ve already got a good plan in motion? just wait for that to be done, it’s fine” and Hermann IS us, he IS the audience when he reacts, because this is a completely insane thing for Newt to say. Newt, who, in the first movie, was so obsessed with finding knowledge that he went behind the marshall’s back to literally risk his life doing something incredibly dangerous just to see what would happen? being given the opportunity to do the same kind of dangerous frivolous act and refusing? this is blatantly out of character, and Hermann is all of us when he’s shocked, “what, you mean you...won’t help me??” which means it wasn’t bad writing on their part, it was purposefully supposed to stand out as something that was wrong and something that we needed to pay attention to. that was a really good scene to hint that something was Not Right with Newt), and I wish there had been a bunch more like it. I think the reveal should have been saved for the end of the second act; I think that should have been the moment that act 2 of a story usually has, that dreadful event that happens that leaves the main characters feeling completely hopeless and unsure what to do.

I also wish that he had managed to break through more than That One Scene, I think it would’ve been more dramatic if he’d had a few moments where he managed to take control for a second to remind us that he’s still in there and still fighting, and I’m sad they didn’t do that. I saw a fan comic that touched on this idea and I think it’s brilliant, even the idea of him suddenly getting a nosebleed and acting distracted to show that that’s the Real Him trying to fight through would have been sooooooooo good.

I also feel like it didn’t make any sense for Nate to be the one to subdue him in the end, I dont even think those two interact at all so like, why was it him?? it would have been so much more dramatic and heartbreaking if Hermann had been the one to confront him so they could’ve had a little conversation on the roof where Newt could once again break through for a second before getting taken over and then Hermann could like idk have a taser hidden behind him that he uses to subdue him and THAT wouldve been a way sadder and more interesting way to do it. I also think Hermann shouldve been the one to speak to him in the post credits scene, or to have him in the background behind Jake just watching him sadly so we can get a couple shots of intense eye contact like UGH I just wish there had been more interaction between the two of them after the reveal happened!! When the movie was over and I realized they never spoke again I felt so upset!!! they're soulmates!! they're literally in love!! this has been CONFIRMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and segueing in from the soulmate thing, another thing that made me sad was that nobody came in pairs anymore :( aside from Newt and Hermann, they were the only ones gjdfk but in the first one every character had another character that they were paired up with, both for drifting reasons and just for plot reasons (except Chau and Tendo but I’m pretty sure there's actually significance to that too), and in the second one it just sort of felt like everyone was drifting with each other with no strong connection needed and that made it feel way less special. granted, the movie takes place ten years after the first one so in that time maybe technology advanced to the point where you didn't need a strong neural connection to drift anymore, but for the sake of the story it would have been way better if they'd kept the whole soulmates concept from the first one, it made it way stronger and more special

so yeah in conclusion I did think pru was enjoyable and I probably would watch it again some time but also it definitely pales in comparison to the first one and I’m desperately hoping we get one more so they can tie everything together and FIX THINGS KFGH it’s not too late!!!!! I wish I could write Pacific Rim 3 I genuinely think I would do a good job I love storytelling and I’m very passionate about these characters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[gimme-a-hand-scaevola]

A review of the book The Rook by Daniel O’Malley that nobody ever asked for...

Ok so @chemcat92 recommended me this book and I listened to it on audiobook and I just... have a lot of thoughts. I haven’t read the sequel and I’m torn if I will. Having watched some AMVs of the show, it’s a hard pass. My review is going to be in three parts:

1. The plot

2. Wasted Potential - In General

3. Wasted Potential - Gestalt the Most Wasted Character Potential I’ve Read since Drizzt Do’Urden 

Obviously spoilers under the cut. 

Part 1: The Plot - i.e. I think Daniel discovered books four days before he started writing 

Ok so... The plot of this book. It starts off STRONG I will give it that. Myfanwy Thomas wakes up in a rainy part surrounded by bodies wearing latex gloves and no memories. She soon discovers her previous self lost her memories but because she was organized and knew it was coming, she has eased new Myfanwy’s transition. She gets to choose to stay in her life through letters and then we get an easy way to give flashbacks. Anyway this part RULES. 

Honestly, the book starts strong as hell. Myfanwy discovers she has supernatural powers over people’s nervous systems and is a trained bureaucrat for a supernatural wing of the government. This all runs sort of like a combination of Heroes and Harry Potter in the best way possible. And here is where we find the strongest part of the book: the superpowers. 

We don’t have to look that far to find Heroes type shows or books where everyone has a special ability, so if you’re going to go that route, you’ve gotta bring it. And honestly, Daniel brings it. They powers are cool as hell, they’re inventive, they’re well bounded. I felt like I understood what people’s powers and limitations were. We were in a land with magic, but it never felt cheap. This is going to dovetail into my absolute RANT about Gestalt but give me a sec to get there. 

Ok. So honestly I don’t even have any complaints until the third act. Act one gives us the set up, act two introduced the big bad the Grafters and so far so good. We’ve got good but elitist supernatural guys vs. bad but more egalitarian supernatural guys. We also know that it was someone in the supernatural org (it has a name but the name is so stupid I can’t spell it) that betrayed our protag and stole her memories and they’re still around and teamed up with the evil Grafters. Intrigue?? Don’t know who to trust???? Love it. 

For some reason everyone is either old, or hot, or so inhuman it’s viscerally horrifying. Love this touch. Eleanor from the Good Place taught us that it’s totally free to imagine everyone in a story as super hot. And it is. So they’re all super hot. Love it. Good commitment, Daniel. 

But then we get to Act three. So, this was a big swing on ol Danny’s part because a lot of the effect of this had to do with carrying out mystery. We’d built a lot of tension on the suspense  Who Betrayed Myfanwy. So obviously it’s really important for me to be surprised or at least satisfied with who this is. (As an aside, I would have been ok with guessing correctly, I definitely don’t subscribe to surprise trumping cohesive plot). Ok. With that on paper... like... holy shit. What a stupid “reveal.” 

So in part 1, like the first scene we get of old Myfanwy’s letters giving us context, she says that her apartment at work was inherited from a dude Conrad something that got promoted. And then she says it’s super badly decorated, and later we see it and this shit is straight out of Austin Powers, mirror over a round bed, The Whole Shebang. But she also says that this guy who otherwise is supposed to be very smooth and charismatic like... asks her about the decor.... every time they interact. Every Time They Interact. The second this was mentioned (WHICH IS AFTER WE KNOW SHE WAS BETRAYED) I'm like “oh ok so this guy bugged her room he’s the villain” and I only wasn’t sure because it was WAY too obvious. 

But no. He’s the villain. He has a big reveal where he’s like “AND I BUGGED YOUR ROOM” and I'm like... well... yeah. Of course you did. But here’s the thing tho... Myfanwy’s like... WHOLE ASS JOB is planning covert ops. So... is she good at her job??? IS SHE???? 

But we also don’t actually show how characters are based on their actions, we are just told how they are. But we will circle back to that in the Gestalt part. That’s honestly the sum of my rant about the plot. It was nothing. It put all its eggs in the basket of the worst most boring reveal of all time. Daniel, I think you might just be boring. 

Part 2: Wasted Potential - Everything but Gestalt who gets a special part to themselves.

The big sin of this book might just be too many good ideas. There’s a lot of characters, they all do cool stuff, but we have like 200 pages, so there wasn’t enough time to do anything with all these guys. I got lost about who was who like 80 times because they’re basically all sneaky hot magic guys. One of them smokes and is a soldier and he seems chill. 

There’s a vampire and he gets a scene and a long intro that reads more like a wiki page. Like it was interesting but you would have lost NOTHING cutting him as a character except that he was cool. You never ever believe that he was the bad guy because it’s super well established in the Certified Back Story that he could give two shits about the politics of the humans. He’s there bc he’s an adorably young vampire who is very curious so his dad set him up as a powerful government agent as though it was enrolling him in a prep school. Love it, but again, we don’t.... need him around. 

There’s a lady who can walk through dreams and I thought she was going to be important based on the fanfare of her introduction but then we forget about her basically entirely. 

There’s a whole American wing that we also only see anything interesting about in side story. Basically the world building is really good. Like pretty superb to be honest. But it’s bracketing a story that is nothing so it makes even good characters seems really random. And that bring us to:

Part 3: My Darling, Gestalt. My Type. My Weakness. What a Sad Little Thing You Are (Also misogyny)

Alright... if the rest of this review wasn’t salty enough for you... let the salt begin. Gestalt. So named because of the word meaning larger than the sum of its parts. And so they were destined to be. And so they were most definitely not. So Gestalt’s whole thing is that they are one consciousness with four bodies. They can either control one body at a time and sort of shut the others down or they can control them all at once but that becomes harder if one of them requires more attention than another, like if one is in a fight. 

Two twins (men), one fraternal brother, and a sister. If anyone is thinking “uhoh, only one girl, hmm can Daniel handle that? Seems like maybe some Smurfette style misogyny-lite is coming,” you would be wrong. Super wrong. Because it is not misogyny-lite. It’s aggressive Fight-Me-In-A-Perkins-Parking-Lot misogyny. So go fuck yourself, Dan. 

Alright, so to number Gestalt’s sins. 

1. Scrape off some of that intro mustard.

They’re introduced in the LONGEST fucking passage I’ve ever read telling me that this dude is hard to talk to and weird. Like, I’m in an urban fantasy book already, I'm all set. Also... bitch SHOW ME they’re weird. Like can I see some interactions that give me second hand embarrassment??? No. It is actually never uncomfortable to talk to Gestalt. I only know that because people are super fucking rude about them. But it is never earned. So I don’t feel sympathy when people are like “Oh noooo you have to spend a car ride with Gestalt? Ewwwww sorry.” I’m just like, “What’s your fucking problem? They seem fine.” 

2. They’re supposed to be Bad At Planning but when?? 

Alright so there ARE times they’re bad at planning and we will GET TO THAT. But it’s only post-reveal like... what we are told during a monologue that they were dumb as shit. And that wasn’t even like not being good w/ details like it’s implied they are, it’s literally like doing dumb ass stuff. And it felt more like my bud Dan didn’t have a good handle on why stuff was dumb as rain than Gestalt being silly. 

Also.... this is a stupid use of this sort of character. They’re dumb and bad at planning??? THEY’RE A JOINT CONSCIOUSNESS why would you waste that making them “Good at kicking ass.” ugh. Fine. 

3. They get sidelined IMMEDIATELY 

So a guy named Pumice Stone or Kettle or Lil boy Bad At This or something outs that Gestalt is working with the Grafters because he like.... wasn’t paying attention. It was boring. But anyway so they capture two of the bodies and then stop addressing Gestalt until the end. They have one weird scene where the protagonist like.... freaks them out but ok. Fine. Why is Gestalt so Yelly. Why are so many villains in this book yelly. Ew. 

4. The REVEAL MONOLOGUE. 

I know this is a long ass review already. But my Feelings Must be Heard. So in the end when Conrad surprises no one but “smart” Myfanwy that he was the bad guy, we also get a reveal from the surviving Gestalt bodies that:

a. There’s an incest baby

b. They’re afraid of death

c. They’re so phenomenally stupid I have lost all interest in them

So... this is where the misogyny comes in. I’ll note here that the only time we interact w/ Eliza, the special girl body, is when she takes a carried to Hogwarts the super secret magic school with Myfanwy and she doesn’t do anything except we get the internal note that she’s like... gained weight. This is the misogyny-lite we expect. (And no, Dan, you don't get any points bc a female character is the only pleased she got pudgy bc YOU wrote the female character so we’re all set there.)

And then we discover that the weird blonde (lol oh yeah they’re all hot blondes) baby that Conrad “Evil Austin Powers” British-Last-Name has with his weird wife is actually a Gestalt body that Eliza had after she boned down with her other body who is genetically a brother and consciously herself. 

K. Ok. I have. Ok. Alright. Daniel. Ok. 

SUBPART A: My Feelings about Gestalt: Oh Eliza, my darling, my dear, would that I could bring you Justice

So after Eliza is shot dead one of the interchangeable boy bodies of Gestalt yells at Myfanwy about how terrible that is bc it was the only body who could bear children so now THE HORROR they’ll die. 

For god’s fucking sake Daniel O’Malley. What the fuck is your goddamn problem. You LITERALLY wrote a Smurfette Syndrome character who is only important because she can have babies. She is literally just there to be a baby-box. What the fuck. Get fucking wrecked. Thank GOD Starz cut your program and fuck the Aurealis Awards for giving you an award for this fucking book. But they’re a sci-fi award so this is probably super progressive for them. I was pleasantly annoyed by the basic nature of this book until this part. Now I am just done with your content. This was more overtly sexist that Supernatural. So... real swing and a miss. 

ANYWAY FORTUNATELY this opens a whole new can of worms that I get to ruthlessly mock certified Basic Bitch Daniel O’Malley for. 

SubPart 2: Gestalt Raises Interesting Philosophical Questions Daniel Isn’t Smart Enough to Address

So, remember, I would have cut this dude more slack if he didn’t do that to Eliza. Gestalt, to be honest, this whole review is dedicated to what you Could Have Been. 

Interesting Questions or Comments We Could Have Asked:

Does having a baby being one of five of your bodies affect your consciousness? That thing doesn’t have object permanence? Is there like an intellectual cost to having another baby body? No, we don’t care. I think we just had there be a baby bc “Weird sister-sex” was as interesting as Daniel could get. Side Note: The obvious question of “lol haha lol is it incest or mAsTurBation is not going to be addressed here bc it is literally too boring to consider)

Does having a body who textually is said to have post-partum depression affect your joint consciousness? If not, why bring it up?? Bc she has “weird lady disease” is that why???

Are they....afraid of death????? Why didn’t you ever bring this up? Why have they showed only excitement at the prospect of very dangerous fights up to this point? Why are all four bodies in the field. 

WHY ARE ALL FOUR BODIES IN THE FIELD. Ok so here is one of those points that is definitely stupid but stupid in a dumb as dirt way. If you were afraid to lose your baby-box body, why would you send her into battle? 

Why didn’t they freeze a bunch of her eggs? In fact, why did she bear it at all? Why put your one female body that you only want for babies through that sort of danger? Canonically they all get paid an absurd amount and Gestalt is paid for each body, they can afford a surrogate.  

Why let a weird dude who is at best contemptuous of you raise your baby body? Why wouldn’t you want to do that? Doesn’t that give him a huge amount of leverage over you? 

Is the quality fo Gestalt’s form destined to decline if genetically they can only make more bodies by full genetic sibling offspring? Does that scare them? Again... does their physical brain affect their consciousness? 

If so... maybe that would be a good reason for them to want to join up with the Grafters who are way ahead in genetic research and engineering. 

ANYWAY Gestalt is sexist as shit and boring as hell and had SO MUCH WEIRD POTENTIAL. 

In summary: It was definitely fun but Fuck you, Daniel O’Malley 

[sarcastically-defensive17]

Hey, so I really like your work so I have a request 👀 maybe you could write Luke and reader being best friends but both having deeper feelings, they're roommates but they fight over Luke's gf bc he says that she needs to move out bc his girlfriend wants to move in and she doesn't like reader so she ends up leaving and running with Crystal but she asks to not tell anyone (except Mike for obvious reasons) that she's there and Luke is really worried but he and reader end up together, pretty please

I LOVE THIS REQUEST!! Sorry if I didn’t do it justice, but I hope you like it!

Also I’m so sorry that the layout went weird! I posted it from my computer and now it looks odd on the phone!

Original story by sarcastically-defensive17

Love? Love. - L. Hemmings

"If she gets those fake blonde extensions wrapped around my straightener one more time, Lucas, I will rip them out myself."

He simply sighed, focusing more of his attention on his phone rather than his best friend.

Y/N and Luke has been best friends since they were 17. They kindled their friendship on the very last day of year 12, such as she did with Calum and Michael.

Since that day, as they sat in the barren English Room and discussed everything and anything that came to mind, her and Luke had been inseparable.

She was the Bucky to his Steve, the Yang to his Yin, the regular sized human to his giant stature.

Well, until Suzanna stepped into the picture.

She is 5"7, coated in fake tan that was applied by somebody with the vision of Stevie Wonder and fake blonde extensions that accentuate how beautiful she would be, if she toned down the Geordie Shore look.

Y/N couldn't help but wonder if her personality would be able to shine brightly through the thick foundation, if she had one, that is.

"Thank you for pretending to listen to me, I appreciate it so much," she rolled her eyes.

For the past few weeks the air in the house had been incredibly tense.

"Y/N?" He asked, his voice hesitant. "Can I talk to you about something?"

She couldn't stop her eyes from lighting up. This was the calmest her and luke had been with each other in almost a week, and she would take any chance to talk to him in a civilized manner.

To be honest, the idea of talking to him did nothing to quell the overflowing feelings she had for the man.

"Is that even a question? You can always talk to me, Lu," she sat opposite to him on the lounge, pulling her legs up underneath her.

He was nervous. That was obvious in the way he raked his fingers through his blonde curls. Suzanna constantly hounded at him to cut his hair but Y/N knew how much he loved his hair.

She couldn't deny that she adored the ringlets that decorated his soft locks.

"I've been meaning to talk to you about this for a little bit," he rung his hands together, spinning rings on his fingers. "I, um, I'm gonna need you to move out."

He mumbled the last few words, sighing softly when she asked him to repeat it. It's safe to say, she was at a loss of words.

"You - you want me to move out? Why?" Her eyebrow was cocked, and she tilted her head to the side slightly.

Luke couldn't help but admire how much she resembled a puppy dog. He always found her to be a mix of adorable and purely beautiful. Which is part of the reason he forced himself to say yes when Suzanna asked to take a larger step in their relationship.

He had spent so much time fighting his feelings for Y/N. Suzanna helped, but he still needed to force himself to deny his feelings in favour of the smaller ones he had for his girlfriend.

He was cruel, he knew it.

"Suzanna and I were talking, and we’re ready to move in together. And she couldn't move in here because of-"

"Because of what? Because I can't stand the woman that has cheated on you multiple times?" Y/N was angry, that much she knew. She couldn't believe the audacity. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Well I would love nothing more than for my girlfriend and my best friend to get along but you make it so difficult for Suzanna to get to know you," he snapped pinching the bridge of his nose between his long fingers.

"I gave her a chance before she slept with one of your mates, Luke. As far as I'm concerned, you should have gotten rid of her months ago when she did it a second time."

"Why can't you just be happy for me?" His eyes were narrowed and the blue orbs held the same lack of patience she had seen a lot over the past week.

She opened her mouth to retort but couldn't find the words to say. Truthfully, she was shattered when Luke told her about his relationship, but she decided to be the bigger person and let go of the idea that Luke could be hers. Their friendship has lasted too long for that to be a possibility.

Luke's comment set her off.

"Oh so I am meant to happy for you, with the Geordie Barbie who fucks another guy regularly, but you couldn't be happy for me with Daniel?"

"Daniel was an asshole!"

"And so is Suzanna!"

They were both on their feet now, staring each other down with a ferocity they hadn't seen since an argument in their teenage years.

Sure, Daniel was a bit of an asshole, but Luke knew he was in the wrong for hating the man so fiercely. The moment he had finally worked up the nerve to ask Y/N on a date - a real date - Daniel swept in and the two were together for almost a year until he started getting more controlling.

The last straw was when Daniel flipped because of the close relationship Y/N and Luke shared and Luke threw a punch at him.

"You're jealous," Luke scoffed, his blue eyes aimed anywhere but at her for he knew his anger was unwarranted but he couldn't bare to face the truth about his relationship.

"Excuse me?" She cocked a brow again and he had to glance away quickly as his eyes fell on her for a second.

"You are jealous that I can keep somebody around and you haven't been able to keep anybody around for almost a year." His brows were pinched tight together and he squared his shoulders.

It was easy for Y/N to notice the slight hunch in his posture, a symbol that he was immediately guilt stricken by his words.

"Oh, I'm so sorry that I can't settle for somebody who doesn't deserve me," she barked out a sarcastic laugh, slamming her hand on the bench to grab her keys.

Luke opened his mouth to retort, but she fixed him with a glare so angry that he physically recoiled.

She slipped her vans on at the door, grabbing her bag off of the hook where she organized all of her daily belongings. She was meticulous and Luke had always admired how neat she was compared to his disorganized chaos.

"You wanted me gone? I'm going. Don't bother contacting me til you wake up to yourself," she stomped towards the door, pausing as she pulled the wood open. "I'll have my stuff gone by the end of the week. Tell Barbie to keep my straightener. God knows she fucked it anyways."

The door slammed behind her and the entire house instantly felt as if the warmth was gone.

She went straight to Crystal's house. The woman was packing for the impending move to a new house; one which her and Michael would share.

"So he wants you to move out so that thing can move in?" Her voice was laced with disgust.

All of them despise Suzanna. The woman had hurt Luke more times than they could count, she blatantly ignores or insults both Y/N and Crystal for fear of any sort of threat in her relationship, yet she regularly cheats on him.

Go figure.

Y/N made a noise of agreement around her glass of wine. The minute she had stepped in the door Crystal had phoned Micheal and ordered a Girls Night, to which Y/N profusely demanded that she would make it up to the couple whose date night she disturbed.

"He better hope I don't get my hands on him, Y/N."

"It's not worth it Crys," she sighed, swirling the contents of her glass in a circle. "I've been basically invisible in that house since the Barbie started coming around."

Crystal pulled the girl into a hug. Not many knew of her hidden feelings for Luke, but Crystal figured it out after a week of knowing the pair.

"I'll cut her extensions and glue them to Luke's eyebrows."

<><><><><><>

Exactly a month had passed. Y/N had ordered Crystal and Michael to not speak a word of where she was because she didn't want to see Luke. Instead, she found a small apartment to live in, while she gathered her wits to find a better place.

She knew it was petty, but she didn't have the care to feel guilty.

Luke on the other hand, was going insane and harbored so much regret surrounding his decision that he couldn't bare to think straight.

Moving in with Suzanna did nothing to make the home feel less empty. Y/N had made sure to collect the rest of her things while Luke was out.

She knew his schedule inside and out and used it to her advantage.

Luke wanted nothing more than to see her face. To hear her voice. The time apart made him realize just how deep his feelings went. The same feelings he had spent many years attempting to bury.

Now his only fear was that he would never get the chance to tell the woman how much he needs her in his life.

That, and how he would manage to get rid of the woman who he had caught sneaking out of their house at all hours of the night.

He didn't know what to expect when he entered his house to hear pornographic moans echoing from the bedroom.

He didn't feel angry. He didn't feel sad. He didn't even feel betrayed.

In fact, he couldn't contain his laughter. After all, catching her in the act of cheating on him simply opened the window for him to break up with her without the guilt.

He simply walked towards their bedroom door, which was ajar, and entered with no hesitation.

He was met with the sight of a bare assed male and a moaning Suzanna.

"I'm breaking up with you," he had a wide smile on his face, already planning his next actions with severe determination. He pulled his long curls into a small bun at the back of his head, “Please get out by tomorrow?"

He didn't leave room for her to argue, instead choosing to snatch his keys off of the bench and exit the house while Suzanna called him from behind.

The minute his backside hit the seat of his Jeep, he had the key turned in the ignition and he was dialing Crystal's phone number.

If anybody knew how to get in contact with Y/N, it would be the woman she had the closest bond to.

"What do you want, Luke?"

"Is Y/N at your house?" He asked quickly.

He was met with silence for a moment. He knew that Crystal knew where she was, but he also knew Crystal would most likely be reluctant.

"Why should I tell you? Want to go kick her out of her own house again?" He heard the malice in her voice.

It was obvious that after a month the pain would still linger. He deserved to be spoken to in such a way.

He knew he had a lot to make up for.

A deep sigh sounded through the receiver, and Crystal took another moment to reply.

"She is going to kill me for this, but I swear, you better be taking your breadstick ass over to apologise or I will kill you myself," she recited the address for an apartment not far from where Crystal and Michael now lived, and hung the phone up without another word.

He arrived at the apartment block soon after, and rushed up the stairs - not having the patience to wait for the elevator.

Number 304 shone brightly in his vision, and his heart tugged at the thought of seeing Y/N again.

He knocked with such urgency that caused the girl inside to jump out of her seat.

The door swung open and before she could close it in his face a converse covered foot was wedged between the door and the frame.

He cringed at the pain but refused to move it.

"What do you want?" Her voice was hard, and his stomach lurched at the sound. Even if she was mad, she still sounded more melodic that he ever could.

He chose to jump straight to the point, not wanting to leave room for her to reject him before he could confess.

"I have been in love with you since a few months after we met. I realised it when we were at your house, and you were doting over your baby cousin," His eyes were basically smiling, as he retrieved the fond memory. "Since that moment, I have done my best to push down how I feel about you, but I am sick of hiding it. I just broke up with Suzanna. I walked in on her with another guy, but I can't do this without you. I can't go back to that house for another minute without you there."

She was at a loss for words. He spoke so fast that it took a moment to piece his sentences together, and when she did, she couldn't help the confused look that coated her features.

"You- what?"

"I broke up with Suzanna," he had a wide smile on his face that she couldn't comprehend.

"Finally?"

"Yes. And, I have been in love with you since we were 18."

"Are you sure?" She cocked her head again.

The action made his stomach erupt in butterflies. He truly adored how she could look so cute through a simple gesture.

Y/N was genuinely confused. She knew how she felt about Luke. The month apart from him hadn't done anything to stop those feelings.

She truly had feelings stronger for him than she had for any of her past relationships. If she were to think about it, she would even say that she loved him.

"How could I not be sure?" He pinched his brows together in confusion. He grabbed both of her hands in his, leading her into the house and to the lounge where they both slumped down.

She stammered, "Where did this even come from? How?-"

He moved his hands to the side of her face, framing her confused expression.

She didn't know how to feel. For so long, Y/N had longed for Luke to notice her in such a way, and now that he is admitting that he has felt the same way about her that she had about him for so long, she was truly at a loss of words.

His eyes were full of pent up emotion. He didn't necessarily look sad, but he looked the most apologetic she had ever seen him, and she had been there through many emotions with the man,"Y/N, I'm sorry. Not just for what happened last month, but for everything I have done. I'm sorry I couldn't work up the courage to confess to you so many years ago, I'm sorry I let my jealousy ruin your relationship with Daniel, I am sorry I wasted time with other girls just to try and deny how much I truly adore you, and I am sorry that I ever thought I would be happy choosing anybody over you. I can't stand to live without you, and even if you have zero feelings for me in the same way I feel for you, would you please come back-"

She pulled his hands from her face and put her own on his before crushing her lips against his in an urgent moment of passion.

The contact was full of so much emotion, and it was the most loving kiss she had experienced from any of those who she had kissed.

It was intimate, but not rushed. Simply lips against lips; no pushing to move it deeper.

They pulled back after an unknown time, and she bumped her nose against his.

"I can't tell you how long I have wanted to do that for," she told him, feeling most of her anger melt away along with her confusion.

Instead, they both felt a love that they hadn't felt before.

"Come back, please?" He was ready to beg. Hell, he was ready to not go back to that house until she was ready to go with him.

"My name's still on the lease, you can bet your thick ass I'm coming back. But if I see one blonde hair extension, I will go on the warpath," she smirked at him, staring at his plump lips.

"I'll make sure it's spotless for your return," Luke beamed at her, feeling his nerves both escape his body and ignite at her touch.

"Good. Now get back over here and kiss me some more."

[girloikawa]

carry on youtuber au

baz starts out as a cover artist, occasionally posting his own songs (he does violin stuff too)

but eventually he gets recognition and people are like “who is this person?????” so baz does a few q&as

oh BUT THEN he reveals that he also has so many other interests (books, movies, planting, coffee, Controversal Topics) that people want him to do other types of videos

and that is what starts baz on the long road of his channel basically being an everything bagel where he does a bit of everything and people find it very chill

agatha and baz become friends over their mutual love of gossip in the community (as long as they’re not apart of it)

(because baz and agatha and simon and penny aren’t problematic)

which brings me to agatha, she’s one of those channels that keep everyone updated on the drama and the shitty stuff that happens on YouTube as long as regular media

very opinionated, this gal is, so she shares her opinion on...everything

though, sometimes she’ll do a q&a and do her makeup and talk about fashion or what she’s into at the moment

she’s basically angelika oles

penny’s a booktuber!!!

she mostly reads and reviews fantasy books, as they are her favorite, but she’ll also do those videos where it’s like “i just read a shitty wattpad romance story, let me rant” or “my top ten favorite ya pairings” or “tier ranking every harry potter character because life has no meaning”

now, simon, the babe, he’s (and you cannot fight me on this) basically jenna marbles

his videos are so random and spurratic, he doesn’t even plan what his next video is, and he’s the youtuber

i would also like to point out that simon probably totally has adhd and would talk about it and his experience with it

his most popular videos are of him baking. he’s like (and hear me out) very good and very bad at it. like, all throughout the videos, everybody’s holding their breath’s like “oh no this is going to turn out terribly” because simon being in the kitchen is like a horse babysitting a dog, it’s a mess, however the end product is always perfect and amazing and by the end everybody’s drooling behind their screens

simon is also widely conceived as the weirdest straight guy ever. like people (from just looking at him) think he’s just So Striaght but a very Cool Straight Guy who people wouldn’t actually mind being around

simon has the most subscribers (the majority being that they find him funny and see him as a friend, the minority being people who think he’s Hot As Hell and okay yeah he’s a good person too but have you seen those freckles-)

then it’s baz because he actually started first and his following has been a journey, then agatha (she’s the newest, and her subscriber rate is growing rapidly), then penny (booktube is a small community sad face)

penny n simon are irl best friends and penny was the one who convinced simon to make a channel bc he needed something to help let out his energy, “plus it’s a little fun hobby”

snowbaz now :)

simon has followed baz from pretty much the beginning. he saw his cringy covers, his development as a songwriter, and the walls built around baz crumble over the camera

baz...well, he’s one of those people who think simon is Hot As Hell, but he also genuinely enjoys the videos. at first, baz was like “I’m not watching him, everybody watches him, and I’m different” so he always avoided the recommendations youtube gave him of simon’s videos (but it was also bc he didn’t want to confront that he was very attracted to simon)

and then, one fateful night, agatha sent baz a link to a video called “coming out” and under the link she wrote “youtube angel!”—that’s their nickname for simon—“shocking the world!”

baz click click clicked because hot guy is lgbt+????? and baz watched the video, commenting “proud of you” or something along those lines, and then he watched so, so many more of simon’s videos

simon, a boy who just came out as bisexual, just had his youtube hero comment on his video where he came out and is like !!!!!!

simon’s sexual awakening is baz

also, simon breaks the internet with that video, because he isn’t striaght and that’s so mind-boggling to everybody. but there’s always that one group of people who are like “i saw this coming. do you not remember that one time simon showed his socks and his jeans were cuffed-”

simon replies to baz’s comment and is like “oh my god thank you so much. you’re like my actual favorite youtuber” like a fucking Nut and people see that and say “omg collab” because they’re both relatively high status youtubers and their collab would be Powerful

then, summoning all his courage, simon dms baz on instagram with just a simple “hey, a lot of people are saying we should collab lmao”

“i’ve seen that” “heh uhm yeah” “maybe we could get to know each other and see if that would be a good idea” “yes! i’d love that”

and they do. they get really close and stuff,, but people don’t exactly...see that

you see, on twitter, they get in millions of arguments. people genuinely think that they hate each other to some extent, when in reality, they’re swooning at the sight of the three dot bubble

baz, on twitter: “you cannot tell me that people actually enjoy sparkling water. it’s trash, move on” (they had an argument over it, privately, and baz is making it public to cause a rise out of simon bc he finds angry simon cute)

simon, in response: “yo I’m throwing you in the trash as we speak. fuhhhck u”

so, when they collab for the first time, everybody at home is just like *shocked pikachu emoji* they end up doing a video where simon bakes baz’s mom’s recipe of cherry scones with baz. it’s kind of a big deal bc both simon and baz don’t want to ruin baz’s memory of his mother

in the end, baz tears up and gives si a big ass hug because they’re perfect, simon. i love them, thank you. the fans start shipping. hard. it’s simon’s highest viewed video

that surprise hug is also what makes simon realize that his feelings are much deeper than attraction and surface level forms of knowing someone

on baz’s channel, they were going to film a video where they talked about their experiences being queer, but then simon realized that his biggest, most prominent example was staring at baz’s jawline, so he had to be like “uhhh, actually, I’m not really comfortable with that yet” which is part true. instead, they do a video where they have argumentative discussions, like on twitter but in depth and with less insults

anyways, they receive pretty positive feedback on the videos, people enjoy them, so they decide to do more. also, they both live in LA, so it’s actually pretty easy to do them, plus they have a diverse area to do them in

also, i think it’d be nice to mention that simon will sometimes do twitch streams of him playing minecraft and then he puts edited versions on his channel. it’s worth mentioning because during this one stream, he ends up slipping up and saying “we talk a lot, actually. and i—i like him a lot” about baz, then he blushes like hell because i really just said that and it’s live oh god

all the while, baz and simon actually just start hanging out (without hiding behind wanting to do a video). one meet-up, they go to disney world and halfway through baz is like “uh, should we be filming this?” and simon gives him a smile and replies, “no” because that moment is for them and them only + the fans who see them together and ask for a picture/just take pictures of them being like a couple

their next collab is a bit of a fun one. behind the scenes, pen, ag, si, and baz all become friends, because of that one time baz came over while penny was there and he barely payed attention to simon, too busy talking to penny. anyways, they do a big four person collab where agatha basically teaches them how to do makeup

on penny’s channel, it’s book related. they have to do a look based on the synopsis’ of each other’s favorite books. baz gets simon, simon gets agatha, agatha gets penny, penny gets baz. baz: “snow, you’re holding it wrong. it’s like this” simon: *stares longingly at the brush that gets to touch baz’s face*

on agatha’s, the video is just titled Teaching My Friends To Do Makeup (ft. idiots who test my patience). they all suck. majorly. well, by all, i mean simon and penny suck at makeup

on baz’s, they do a trivia of sorts. if they get a question wrong, they have to skip a product. simon: “oh thank god less work” agatha, deadpanning: “i think i might kill him”

on simon’s, they have agatha and penny go against simon and agatha. si and pen being the ones who have to actually do makeup because, according to agatha, “since you decided to bitch so much, you guys are doing our makeup” “but-!” “nope, I’m Peak Brains of us all so I call the shots” “you’re not even-” “shut up” Everybody (and by everybody i mean the fans) is actually glad that they got to see simon doing baz’s makeup, because it’s literally them just being so flustered the whole time

the collab stuns everybody bc: “they’re all friends??????” plus, some people start calling them the Four Fucks because at one point penny says “fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, and most importantly, fuck me” after simon flinged a bunch of eyeshadow on her

okay so agatha and penny are just like: “these idiots need to get together already” because it’s very obvious that they like each other. like the eiffel tower in paris, you can’t miss it. everyone watching the videos also sees it, so you can imagine the comments

during one of si’s live-streams (he’s playing the hunger games minigame on minecraft), the chat goes wild because baz pops in. he plans on surprising simon with a picnic (he just thought that they could go into simon’s backyard or the park that’s a few miles away), but it was pretty spur of the moment so he didn’t think about simon doing a stream. and to be honest, simon’s stream was also spur of the moment, so it’s not like he made sure to tell baz about it

“simon! hey, i let myself in!” baz called from the front doorway. the chat is freaking because: “is that baz???” “omg baz has a key to simon’s house!!” “are they dating???” simon kind of just freezes up and starts sputtering as he reads the chat and tries to reply to baz

of course, baz doesn’t understand that simon doesn’t want baz to go into his office/room with his computer, so he does go in and as soon as he sees the livestream he’s like: “oh, uh, I’ll go” and simon unfreezes and goes “no, no, stay, I’ll just be a bit” “do you want me to...leave the room?” “you can watch if you want” (baz wants) “okay, sure” so simon pretty much shows baz how to play minecraft

i never finished this, do i?

[phoebehalliwell]

Gay Wyatt??? YES PLEASE 💕 is there anything else you can tell us that isn’t a spoiler for your fic? Like when he knew and who’s his type? You writing Wyatt as gay is like best thing to happen in this disaster that is 2020 👌🏻

i think wyatt was one of those kids who never really had issues coming to terms with / figuring out his sexuality i think somewhere between the ages of 10 - 13 when everyone’s really talking about crushes and who likes who and all that wyatt’s like i like boys :) i think he was out in middle school meaning he was definitely collected as a gay best friend because as someone who went to middle school in the early 2010′s the attitude towards gay kids (only guys obviously middle school is still very homophobic) was weirdly fetishy because we all watched glee and all that and the amount of girls who were all like we need him as our gay best friend....... yeah i think that was what happened with wyatt. i think during that era he really leaned into the “stereotypical” gay tropes like calling everyone sister and saying yaaaasss and okurrrr bc let’s face it he’s a people pleaser it’s middle school and he really doesn’t want to go against that grain. i think in high school was definitely more of wyatt y’know finding out who he really is outside of straight girl perceptions of him he was definitely in the school gsa all that in all honesty i think up to the point where i’m at in my story wyatt’s maybe had only two boyfriends (middle school doesn’t count there was only one other out kid he knew and they’d hold hands sometimes. they’re still friends tho.) bc like as previously stated i really do think wyatt is the type of guy to fall in love every single time i think he would have dated a guy he met in gsa from the end of junior year over the summer and into senior year, falling apart in the winter in a mutual fashion but like wyatt was still just really broken up about it all that definitely cried to taylor swift’s back to december a couple times and then in college he’s like i’m a new man i’m confident i’m independant blah blah blah and i think his next boyfriend would have actually been another witch that he had gone to magic school with and i think that would have lasted almost two years or so, roughly from age 20 to 22 with wyatt being 22 in the current place in the story and uhh wyatt actually got dumped the it’s not you it’s me bc uhhh wyatt was In Love with this guy and he loved wyatt too but like, y’know he didn’t really plan on extending that relationship past college and he loved and cared for wyatt but wanted to grow as his own person blah blah blah and um Wyatt’s Still Not Over It. i keep trying to subtly incorporate that into the story because quite honestly i think wyatt still has pictures of them around his apartment that he keeps trying to get rid of but then doesn’t have the heart to do so and it’s the excruciating back and forth and chris like,, makes fun of him for it in a sense but can also tell wyatt’s still really broken up about it so he goes easy on him chris’s initial plan was to talk shit about that guy but uhh it’s clear wyatt still has very strong feelings for him and talking smack only made him feel worse do uhh yikes! and that has always sort of been the romantic origin story that i’ve held for wyatt in my head even though i don’t think i’m ever going to do anything with his witch ex boyfriend i still haven’t settled on what i want his power to be i was thinking either a firestarter or telekinetic but also it doesn’t matter as i don’t have any specific plans for that character other than to hopefully eventually reference that romance to establish a) that wyatt is gay and b) that he’s a hopeless romantic who falls in love every time.

i really don’t have any romances mapped out for wyatt in my head, for most characters, i’ll sprinkle in some cute non-endgame relationships and then for some i know who i’d want them to end up with in the end idk if it’s a spoiler or not if i say that i’m definitely gonna make chris and bianca endgame but i also don’t want to jump into endgame relationships immediately because then you don’t really get to see characters date and change alongside other people as far as relationships i have mapped out, there’s chris and bianca, obvi, i have one long running one i want to add for kat, pj already has a boyfriend and i definitely want to continue to sort of work on and build their relationship bc i think atm pj’s boyfriend is the only himbo character i’ve got and i shan’t be giving him up any time soon i have a couple temp li ideas for parker and one or two for tam (i also have a firm, solid idea of who i want tam’s endgame to be but again i don’t want to jump into that immediately she’s like 18 there should be room for romantic exploration before you you meet the love of your life yknow) in regards to henry i’ve got a couple ideas i want to play around with you’ll definitely understand what i’m talking about sooner or later once i get there gotta pay homage to a classic charmed trope at this point am i missing anyone peyton’s 14 so i’m not putting like any real focus on her romantic life bc like she’s the brainiac who just started high school i think her focus is gonna be much more specifically honed in on studies than her own person love life (everyone else’s love lives are totally on the table though she is a cupid after all and she’s definitely joining parker and pj’s pre-established betting pool on the love lives around sfhs (melinda was also formerly in this betting pool as an empath but she’s now off to college) henry will also sometimes wager a bet despite his lack of powers) on the topic of melinda who i think at this point is the only character who’s love life i haven’t mentioned i don’t think she’s ever dated anyone. like, i think she’s been on dates, but never had that actually turn into a relationship, y’know? and i think she really lets her own empath powers get in the way of forming any real romantic relationships because once love is involved she has a lot of trouble telling which emotions are hers and which are theirs and she always negatively talks herself into believing any attraction she feels is 100% coming from her end and she should never assume that any of these positive emotions she feels could be coming from them and really has a knack for talking herself out of love with a person. because all of the piper halliwell kids are gonna have shit luck with love. that’s just gonna be like their trademark.

oh i forgot to answer wyatt’s type!! this post is already hella long imma link a separate post with the next gen + all of their types since i’m already rambling

[seijch]

work on your wip!! 5, 9, and 25!!

make me work on my wips!!

5. doom desire, a kageyama pokemon au

in which you and kags chase after whispers on the wind that tell the tale of jirachi, a pokemon said to be able to grant any wish. here’s the catch: it awakens for one week every thousand years. the good news is that it’s been about a millennium. the bad news? you have no idea where it is.

the italicized parts are in first person because theyre the reader’s diary entries,, itll make more sense In Context (i Hope)

hoenn is much warmer than kanto. i’ve underestimated the humidity here, too; it’s at its worst after it rains, the air uncomfortably sticky. at least the beaches look nice. maybe one day, i’ll be here for leisure and not business.

“jirachi?” the older man muses, reclining into the rattan chair. “that’s a name i haven’t heard in years, maybe decades.” he sizes you up, a sharp look in his eye. “you some hotshot researcher or somethin’?”

you slide the man your card as he takes a sip of his drink. he doesn’t spare it a glance, and you try your best to not fling your overpriced lemonade in his face. the man before you was a scholar back in his prime, a fellow lover of myths and legends of old. for that reason, you hold your tongue; you’d landed in the hoenn region less than a week ago in search of the mythical pokemon jirachi.

“you could say that. i’ve heard rumors that jirachi wakes from its thousand-year slumber in a few months, so i came to investigate.”

“you won’t find what you’re lookin’ for in slateport. head to rustboro,” he tells you, “they’ve got the best libraries in the region there.” he brandishes a pen, scribbles down a name. “this is one of my old pals from back in the day. ask for him.”

“thank you, sir.”

“don’t mention it,” he replies. “now go on,” he waves a dismissive hand, “let an old man enjoy his drink in peace.” you take your lemonade and go, a little put off by his attitude but feeling victorious nonetheless.

you’re so busy looking at the card (and trying to decipher the godawful chickenscratch) that you find yourself colliding with someone. “oh, i’m sorry-”

he’s leveling you with a glare. “it’s fine,” he says, voice clipped and making you think that it’s absolutely not fine. you can only nod and go on your merry way.

turns out, tickets to rustboro this time of year cost a lot of money. this better bring in the big bucks, or it’s back to cheap ass ramen for me. 

9. perish song, an oikawa pokemon au

in which oikawa finds himself in the tropical region of alola in search of a new addition to his team: the man-made type:null, created by researchers that bit off more than they could chew.

this one i might rethink tbh i just rlly liked the title of this too much to pass up

its kinda funny bc he and kags, at their core, have similar foundations to their stories: theyre both looking for a rare pokemon in order to prepare for the pokemon world tournament later in the year

“i’m sorry, sir,” you hear the receptionist say, “we don’t allow visitors into our basement-level facilities. you’re free to roam around the first and second floors! our pokemon sanctuary is regarded as one of alola’s top tourist destinations-”

“please,” replies the young man at the desk. he’s quite handsome, really, but you can tell that the receptionist just wants him to leave. you get the feeling you weren’t exactly catching the beginning of their conversation. “i just want to see the type:null facility.”

type:null? how does he know about that? “sir,” you cut in. both the receptionist and the visitor (who clearly knows too much) turn to face you. “forgive my intrusion, but i must ask...what sort of clearance do you possess?” the type:null facility--your facility--required an absurdly high position on the ladder of authority.

“do you work under that branch?” he asks, peering at the tray of coffee in your hands. “an intern or something?”

“as a matter of fact, i am one of the lead researchers.” your grip tightens on the cardboard tray as you give him a tight smile. “i apologize, but only individuals with the appropriate clearance and identification are allowed in the basement level, especially the type:null wing. if you have no other business here, i’d like to ask you to vacate the premises. preferably before i resort to calling security.”

the man blanches, having realized the mistake he’s made. “no, wait-”

you’re already walking away.

25. lost and found, a sugawara soulmate au

what was supposed to be an easy house-sitting job goes horribly, horribly wrong. thankfully, your soulmate has always had a knack for finding the things you’ve lost.

this was one of the first wips i ever took from my kpop blog and assigned to a character bc i had BIG suga brainrot back in the day

also i feel like we as a society do not talk about the fact that yaku like . canonically prefers cats

“hey, yamamoto?” you ask. “on a scale of one to ten, how mad would yaku be if i told him i lost his cat?”

there’s a near silence on the end of the line, the only noise being the faint rattle of static. then, in a solemn voice, “i’ll start planning your funeral.” no way around it: you’ve fucked yourself over. 

“uh huh.” you feel nauseous. if this was a cartoon, you’re sure your face was halfway to going green. “great. should i try to find it, or spend my last hours among the living writing my will?”

“i’d be writing my will. don’t give any money to lev,” he advises. “i swear i saw that fucker blow his allowance on cheese puffs last week.” great. yamamoto wishes you luck (“you’ll need it.”) before you hang up, feeling the room spin around you. this was supposed to be a simple housesitting job; yaku had printed clear instructions and left them clipped to the fridge door. how were you supposed to know that his stupid cat was itching for a chance to escape?

you need to find it, and fast. yaku’s flight would come in this afternoon, with him returning in the evening. you shudder at the thought of him coming home to a catless apartment.

okay. time for a game plan. the building’s got twenty floors. time to ring some doorbells and hope you didn’t come off as one of those door-to-door salespeople.

[bittersweetmelxdy]

Day 29: Surprise

fight me I’m not in the UK for day 29, so I am posting it now, bc your girl is not missing Gavin’s actual birthday fic. Also guess who literally screamed in frustration when she found out she’s on holiday for Gavin’s birthday event (it’s me), if there is a date for this card, they can take my money, I am getting whatever card they release if it comes with a date.

Words: 1736

You woke up this morning, at 4:30 to someone calling you, you blinked blearily, groping around your bedside table to try and silence your phone so you could just go back to sleep. You blinked at the blinding light of your phone and had to literally restrain yourself from throwing your phone at the wall seeing the name.

“Minor. What. Do. You. Want?” you spat into the phone.

“Hey, Boss Lady! You ready for today!” Minor replied in with too much pep for this early in the morning.

“Minor. Why are you calling me at 4:30?” you said still gritting your teeth.

“It’s Gavin’s Birthday Boss!”

“And? It’ll still be his birthday in a few hours from now. You know… when it’s a decent hour.” You deadpanned. “You don’t even put this much energy into work.”

Minor gasped scandalised at your blasé attitude.

“Listen Minor, I’ve got the whole thing sorted, now let me sleep.” You hung up the phone before Minor could reply to you.

You sighed and flopped back onto you bed, but soon turned your head to smile slightly at a small metal object glinting in the moonlight. It was the key to Gavin’s apartment; he had given it to you when you had asked him for it, ears bright red and only one condition “Do not let Minor into my apartment’. You blushed remembering how he had handed you the key so nonchalantly, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, despite his clear embarrassment.

You had accidentally let slip at work that you had the key for Gavin’s apartment, much to your coworker’s amusement and outrage. Willow, Anna and Kiki had teased you mercilessly, cooing and poking fun at you, Minor had acted calm in front of everyone, but later had slammed his hands on your desk and demanded you tell him “How on earth did you get Gavin to give you his key, he won’t even tell me where he lives!”. Since that day, you had tried to avoid all talk about Gavin’s apartment with Minor, a feat that was growing increasingly difficult since Gavin’s birthday was growing closer and closer.

But you had managed it, even when Minor tried to convince you to celebrate Gavin’s birthday with a surprise party at his apartment. You had tactfully, countered with suggesting that since Minor was “Gavin’s best bro” he should plan something he “knows Gavin will love, the day after his birthday”, so excited at being acknowledged as Gavin’s “best bro”, Minor had walked off already planning his surprise for Gavin. ‘Gavin forgive me’ you had sighed, but at least you had managed to keep Gavin’s actual birthday clear for your plans.

You knew how much Gavin didn’t like big celebrations or his birthday, so you had planned accordingly, Gavin had mentioned he was a mission and wouldn’t be back until around 9 in the evening, so you were planning to go to his apartment, decorate the room, and treat him to a home cooked meal and cake, and then the two of you could spend the night stargazing, especially since Jupiter was going to be very bright this evening, hopefully it would bring back fond memories for Gavin of when you had gone on a star gazing date.

Around 10am you unlocked the front door of Gavin’s apartment, taking a deep breath before you stepped over the threshold, thinking how strange it was that you were here without Gavin. You looked around Gavin’s apartment, noting the space you had to work with. You placed your bags in the kitchen, and walked back to the living room, grabbing a broom on the way. After tidying up, you strung up some light up polaroid clips, the pictures depicting your various scenes from your dates, food, scenery and some of the two of you. You pursed your lips looking down at the last few, wondering if you should put them up, Gavin had mentioned he wanted to see some pictures of your childhood, so you had brought some with you, a couple from high school, and a few from when you were a small girl with muddy knees, messy hair and a big gap-toothed smile. You were a bit embarrassed by them, but if it made Gavin smile, it’d be worth it, you mused placing them in clips.

Heading back to the kitchen you spent the rest of the day cooking a nutritious meal for Gavin after his mission and baking the most ambitious thing you had made in your life, a galaxy mirror cake. The cake was the easy part, but you had to watch at least four videos, just to make sure the mirror glaze was correct. Since you were making it for Gavin you had to make it perfect, because he always does so much for you, and on his special day you just wanted it to be perfect for him, especially since it was the first birthday you were spending together.

As nine rolled around, you heard the sound of a key being turned in the lock, and you ran around in panic, nearly tripping over air, fixing a few minor things and then hid behind a potted plant (the only place you could find to hide in your panicked state). Gavin walked in and you held your breath and covered your mouth with your hand, hoping to erase your presence. Gavin stopped in the living room and looked around in silence, seeing this as your perfect moment, you closed your eyes and took a deep breath preparing to shout “Surprise!” when you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist and you were lifted clean off your feet, causing you to yell,

“Gavin! How did you know it was me!”

Gavin gently placed you back on your feet and turned you around so he could see your face, his hands still loosely wrapped around your waist.

“You are the only person you would break into someone’s house and clean and decorate the place.” He said nuzzling his nose against yours at the sight of your pout.

Although your surprise was clearly ruined, you perked up and with a bright smile lead Gavin by the hand and pushed him down onto the sofa. You then dramatically presented the dinner you had spent the day preparing, a plethora of dishes, ranging from mild spice to very spicy, you made sure to tell Gavin the spice level of each dish as you presented it and when you were done you sat on the floor opposite him, and just observed him. Gavin looked from you to the table, and repeated the process again, his eyes and his smile wide. The two of you said your thanks for the food and you dug in happily. Gavin made sure that throughout the meal he sampled each and every dish and offered compliments for each one, and each comment just endeared him more to you, and by the time the meal was over you face sported a rosy hue at his praise.

You stood up, gesturing at Gavin to stay put and he tilted his head in confusion, and you offered a soft smile in response. You picked up the plates and cleared the table, balancing the various plates, in preparation for the cake. You put the candles and lit them and carefully picked up the cake, as you walked into the living room, you sang ‘Happy Birthday’ softly, and placed the cake in front of Gavin. The soft candlelight made the mirror glaze sparkle just like a real galaxy, and Gavin’s eyes were so soft as he looked at the cake and then at you at the tail end of the song. The emotion shining through his usually guarded eyes, brought tears unknowingly to your own, and you only noticed when you felt Gavin’s calloused thumbs wiping away your tears.

“Gavin, quick you need make a wish.” You said in a almost whisper, leaning back and wiping your tears with the back of your hand.

Gavin smiled and blew out the candles before excitedly grabbing the knife and cutting a piece of the cake. He picked up some on his fork and instead of eating it himself he brought it up to your mouth. You furrowed your brows slightly, and Gavin bumped the forked against your lips lightly, until you opened your mouth and Gavin fed you a piece of the cake. Your eyes lit up in delight at how well the cake turned out, and at your clear show of delight, Gavin snorted in amusement, and placed a piece in his own mouth to taste. You clasped your hands under your chin and anticipated his reaction, Gavin ate the rest of his piece in silence looking down at his plate, and then after using his thumb to wipe his lips, he glanced nervously at you.

“You… you did all this for me?” Gavin whispered, almost reverently.

Tears welled up in your eyes at his nervousness, “I told you, didn’t I? I’ll spend every birthday with you from now on, and I’ll make every one of them special.”

Gavin stood up abruptly, and picked you from the floor, spinning you around whilst keeping you in a firm bridal carry. His pure laughter bounced off the walls, and after placing you back on you feet, he cradled you face in his hands, as if you were the most precious thing he had ever seen, and placed a flurry of kisses all over your face, eliciting a fit of giggles from you. He then rested his forehead against yours and looked directly into your eyes.

“Love, this was amazing. You are amazing. Thank you.”

You averted your eyes from Gavin for a second and a shooting star caught your eye, you gasped and ran to the window, hands gently resting on the windowpane. Gavin followed you, holding you from behind, arms around your waist, and rested his head lightly atop yours.

“Gavin, look a shooting star! You get an extra wish!” You whispered excitedly, lifting your eyes and tilting your head back to catch his gaze.

Gavin huffed in amusement.

“I don’t need them; I’ve got everything I could ever wish for right here.” Gavin finished his sentence with a kiss to your temple, and the two of you spent the rest of the evening watching the stars in a content silence.

[affectionatealien]

Your Heart is a Garden

Summary: Habit’s had something on his mind, and tries to do a little gardening to distract himself. It’s a bit obvious though he can’t quite focus on anything else like he wants to.

Warnings: None

A/N: Another fic of my flower protag/ insert and habit! This time it’s long sappy confession junk bc I’ve been dying to write this out ;v; 

Mountain air seemed to be so refreshing in the morning like this. It seeped in through the windows Boris opened while he busied himself in the kitchen, and crept into the living room while I usually tried to prepare to be awake for the day.

 However, it took me awhile of laying on the futon to realize there was no mountain air, or kitchen bustle to wake up to. I hadn't woken up that late had I? No, a glance at the clock assured me it was still early. Still trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes I got up, peeked into Boris's room since he'd left the door open. Not there either. Odd, especially for him. 

I had to catch myself as worry threatened to bubble up- Boris was probably just down in the garden, or, somewhere else in what was left of the habitat. Of course. Besides, it was silly to worry about him not being here just one morning... Perhaps a little time to myself could be a good thing, after all! 

Making breakfast was easy enough with something simple like toast and cereal, and now my mind could wander to what I'd spend the rest of the day doing. Maybe I could watch that one movie I'd been waiting to check out... Ah, no, I wanted to save it for me and Boris to watch. Games? No, I'd already beaten most of what I had and just liked doing two player stuff with Boris when he was in the mood for it. Art? Now that could work... Ever since I'd come to stay here, my inspiration had spiked like I hadn't seen in years. It was refreshing to make something I didn't hate as soon as I was done with it...

Flopping back onto the couch, I fished out the sketchbook that was always hidden away under it or in a crevice somewhere, depending on how tired I was when I stashed it. Opening it, I was met with what I was last working on... A page full of sketches of different blossoms, ones found in the garden me and Boris had been tending to so carefully. Among them, was a single sketch of the tall russian man himself- carefully cutting a rose blossom from a bush. I'd almost forgotten about it, about watching him look so tender and focused and the urge to capture it that was impossible to ignore. And something about it feels so embarrassing and... Alien about it, I close the sketchbook again, any previous ideas gone. Damn.

Perhaps it wasn't a bad idea to go down to the garden anyways. I just needed some fresh air and sunshine maybe, certainly that would clear my head, help me pass the time. And if Boris was down there I could check on him. Maybe even work in the garden with him a little. It'd be much better than being so listless up here. I just had to actually finish getting ready for the day first...

Coming down from the apartment through the boiler room, I found myself in the courtyard, now repurposed into a garden and fully in bloom. It was something Boris had truly put his heart and soul into since he closed the Habitat for good, and it had really shown in even just the past couple of months I'd been here.

 Blossoms of all shapes and colors and sizes made a meandering maze, one I'd learned to navigate by memory at this point. The only hard part would be finding Boris- he was prone to attending to the plants in a somewhat flighty manner, never too still before finding another plant that needed his love and affection (and maybe some fertilizer). 

With that in mind, it was pretty surprising when I found him sitting in one of the nooks formed by a gathering of hydrangea bushes, a single potted flower in his lap. He didn't seem to being so much gardening as he was letting himself get lost in thought. 

"Boris?" I called out, moving carefully past some recently planted bushes. His head snapped up upon hearing his name, and that surpised look lingers a little too long, like he's in a daze. But it quickly disappeared, giving way to a soft smile upon recognizing it was just me. But, there was more to it... The way his smile is just a little too tired for this time of the morning. Almost forlorn...

"Ah! Finn... I didnn't expect you to come down. Did you need som-thing...?" He asked. I shook my head, instead opting to take a seat in the cool grass next to him.

"Just wanted to check on ya. Not used to seeing you down here this early I guess..." I explained. And in the moment I want to tell him how lonely mornings without him feel, but it'd be too much. So instead I lingered, waited for him to say something so I could forget about it.

"I see... Sorry, I didn't mean to worrie you. I just needed some time to think I suppose... The garden seams to be a good place for that." His gaze had returned to the flowering plant in front of him, like looking into it would help him eventually have some grand epiphany about whatever seemed to bother him.

  "Yeah, I get what you mean... And, y'know you can talk to me too. It's what friends are for right?" He didn't answer right away- leaving an uncomfortable pause hanging in the air.

"Yeah... Of course." Even as plainly as he tried to say it, there's still a tinge of pain to it. It wasn't a tone I'd heard from him in awhile, which was particularly worrying. He'd never had issues talking to me about what was on his mind in the past, why start now? Was it me, something I'd done? 

We continued to sit in silence, nerves wracked as I desperately wanted anything else to replace the silence that soured the fresh morning air. Anything that could change the mood, or subject... 

My eye was drawn to what looked like a flower bush Boris had been planning to plant. A hole already dug for it, it just needed to be reburied and whatever other tending it needed. "U-uh... I noticed that bush it looks like you were gonna replant. Did you want any help with that? Or, really, anything else out here? ... Since I'm out here and all!" I asked. Still staring into the flower, he shook his head. 

"I appreciate it, but I think it will be fine for now." He sighed, placing the flower in his lap to the side. "...I'm really not doing anything out heer. I should probably go back inside." Boris stood, dusting his coat off- only to freeze again as my hand darted to the hem of it, like my body was on autopilot. He stared down at me, expression somewhere between startled and anticipation. I had to say something now, I couldn't just let him go without saying anything-

"Boris. Please tell me what's wrong. If it's something I did we can talk about it... You're my friend, I need to know if I messed up, or if I can fix it-" His face furrowed into a pained expression as he continued to stand, frozen, looking like he can't even sort out his own words. This continued until he sighed, resigned, and knelt back into the grass beside me.

"You didn't do anything. I promis. It's just how... Exactly that. You're my closest friend, and it means a lot to b here with you, through everything... But... Is it, ah... Is it wrong to want... More?" He asked. His question brought back plenty of thoughts- almost all of them about how he's always so close, how he lets me sit in his lap when we play games together, or how his comforting hugs never seem to last long enough no matter how long we sit there. The way I'll hope and wish a late night movie marathon will put him to sleep so we have an excuse to wake up the next morning together. But that was just Boris being... Boris isn't it? Of course he'd be close with his first real friend like this. I'm reading into it too much. Even with him, in front of me, staring at me with nothing but longing in his eyes. It was too scary, too exhilarating to think it could be anything else, it had to be. 

"I-I'm sorree. This is selfish. I shouldn't- you shouldn't have to answer that. We can just-" He shifted again to get up, only to freeze when I spoke up.

"Boris... I-It's not. It's okay. Especially when people... Mean so much. But it can be.... scary you know?" He nodded, understandingly. His gaze had lifted from the spot on the ground in front of him, attention on me. 

"Do you think it's worth it? Even if it's scarey?" He asked. Now it was my turn for my stare to wander to the grass beneath me, unsure what the correct answer was. 

"I don't... know, really. Guess you just have to find out sometimes." I said. It wasn't much of an answer, but it was all I had. "Boris... Could I... Kiss you? I want to know." At first he didn't, perhaps couldn't say anything- and slowly, he gave a very deliberate nod. He fumbled across the grass, side to side with me, and even sitting down towered over me. It certainly wasn't intimidating though, not with how he squeezed his eyes shut, leaned forward, tense. Not quite sure what to do with his body. Waiting. I leaned up to him, careful as lips met- god his face was so warm. And for a moment, I'm the only one leaned into the kiss, as he remained still, like he wasn't sure how he felt. Enough to have made me waver too, close to pulling away and apologizing. What a stupid idea. But at the last moment it was like he'd come to life, pressing feverishly into the kiss. And for a moment I know what it feels like to be a flower in bloom, face to face with the sunlight it needs so much.

It was dizzying how fast he went from frozen in place to practically fumbling into my lap, hands grasped over my shoulders, nudging his way further into the kiss. It was nervous, inexperienced, and downright heavenly the way his mouth clumsily pressed into mine. My hands buried into the soft fuzzy collar of his coat as I matched his fevered passion, and it only drove me further on as he whined into the kiss at even the hint of my touch. Time was slow, or maybe just didn't mean anything for the longest time as he melts into the kiss, unsure frozen hands slowly moving to pull me flush against him, a warm embrace so much like all the ones he'd given me before but.... more this time, one that didn't leave me feeling like I was still missing something. 

Boris was the first to break the kiss- his hands didn't move, and he's still staring at me, like the rest of him is still catching up with what was happening. He wasn't quite panting- but he drew these deep, long breaths, clutched to me like I'd fall into nothing if he dared let go. 

"Still... Scar-ed?" He asked. I shook my head and chuckled, which made a warm smile ease onto his face. 

"No.... This is good. It's, uh. Wow. Kinda exhilarating, I think." His smile turned wide at that, showing off that characteristic, cute crooked row of pearly whites of his- and now it was my turn to be the flustery one out of the two of us. 

"Are u shure? Maybie... We should do it again so we're doublie sure..." Boris hinted. It only took a short nod for him to lean back in, hands cupped on either side of my face. He pulled me up, ever so gently into another kiss, but not as pushy or urgent- this time it was deep, slow. He was still a bit hesitant about what to do with his mouth, but god it didn't matter, not with how soft and deliberate he was while I clung to him. Surrounded by the garden we'd poured our hearts into, and now pouring into each other, it almost felt unreal, the only thing that kept me grounded was Boris's thumb stroking gentle circles against my cheek, and every other little sensation of him against me. 

Boris pulled away again, giving a satisfied hum as he did- he looked like he was in as dreamy of a daze as I had been in. His clawed hand pushed a strand of hair from my face ever so carefully, eyes fixated on me. 

"Boris..." I started. A pause. I knew what I wanted to say but it felt stuck in my throat, awkward to say. So instead I opted to bury my face in his coat collar, soaking in his scent, thinking those words again, and again, and again. "... I love you." His arms squeezed around me, tight, warm, unyielding. I felt him rest his head on top of mine, face nuzzled into my hair. 

"Ah, flower..... I lov you, too. I love you a lott..." And I can hear it in his voice- after all the hard work he's poured into making the garden around him flourish and bloom, his heart has done the same, alongside mine. 

His embrace loosened, prompting me to look up at him. That goofy smile of his was still there- for someone who fretted about his teeth so much previously, it was amazing how gorgeous it was. So handsome. So very, well, him. 

And I couldn't help the laughter that bubbles up next, but it didn't matter, not with how it spread so quickly to Boris too, just as relieved and giddy as I was, and perhaps still wandering if this was a dream like I had been. 

"Ah, if onlee you had said somthing sooner... There were som lovelie lillies in bloom I daydreamed about giv-ing you, you knowe." He confessed. I smiled, and patted his arm reassuringly. 

"Oh, Boris- don't worry, they'll have time to bloom again. And I'll be here, still." I promised. And the smile he gave me was perhaps the sweetest I'd ever seen on him.