#Forgot my phone at home again so you get the fuzzy quality again

[bi-the-wei]

Happy Merji Mermay!!!

[beeroses]

Keyed Up

@lilacyennefer​

@write-it-motherfuckers​

^ Thanks to these two blogs for the prompt. It got the writing motor going! And kudos on the gif to the owner, it is not mine! Nor are Tig and the Sons, which I voluntarily relinquish to Kurt Sutter and his brilliant, twisted mind!

Warnings: Language and a lot of not-so-subtle Tig 

Story based on this prompt below : 

Living in Charming wasn’t Plan A. By God, it wasn’t even plan H. Yet, that’s where Y/N’s been living for the last year and a half and it has been most probably the best year ever. Between working 2 jobs and handling, well, let’s be fair, an entire kindergarten of adult bikers, life’s been busy but quite bright and fulfilling. Handing up hanging around the Sons has been a series of happy coincidences that went from meeting them at the diner you worked at to helping bartending on busy weekends at the Clubhouse to them bluntly asking that you helped with bookkeeping. Starting first with the garage, you became quite aware of what was going on around the lot but got no details. But when you started doing the books from the club, they couldn’t hide you their activities anymore. Instead of fleeing, like they thought you would, you actually found a way to possibly care about them anymore. Instead of the whole thing scaring you, it actually got you very protective of them and more scared of them getting hurt than you getting mixed in the very bloody scene they played on. 

One Son brought a side of you that you didn’t know existed, before meeting him : something along the lines of a momma bear with her cub or a giant mountain gorilla with his offspring. The question remained though as to which came first? Did you start worrying about Tig more because of much he knew just how to put himself in the worst possible scenarios? Or did you over exaggerate the actual amount of danger surrounding the man? One way or another, although you always made sure everyone was alright, you paid extra attention for any kind of scratches or heavy bleeding on Tig. 

- We’re off on a run for a couple of days, Sweetheart, will you be able to come keep an eye on the garage, Jax asked you. 

- Of course, have some books to finish up anyways and it’s gonna be so damn peaceful without all of you around to bother me! 

- You do know you’re faking bothered and you’re not even good at it, right ? Tig asked you, smirking while making you blush slightly. 

- It’s not because Y/N answers your every needs and calls that you’re not a bother, Jax replied, rolling his eyes at the obvious manoeuvre Tig was trying to pull. 

- No, it’s because I’m Y/N’s favorite, he answered back, putting a very confident arm comfortably around your shoulders, pulling you to him, while your face felt so hot, an egg could’ve fried. 

You quickly got up, mumbling something to do on the something about something that you promised to something and disappeared in the other room. The boys were left chuckling about it and Tig was left wth a tingling all along his arm, where he held you. 

When the boys left, you finally showed yourself again to say goodbye and tell them that everything was under control. 

The hours and days ticked by painfully slowly while the Sons were off doing God knows what with God knows who. You managed to close a lot of books that were piling up but deeply missed the ruckus that the boys brought around the clubhouse : it made it alive. 

You did have many very decent qualities to you, but being the kind of person that always had a phone around in case of emergencies wasn’t one of them. Which meant, it often stayed on your bedside table or on the kitchen counter for the entire day, because ou forgot it there that morning. You always said it made you mysterious but for most, it just made you impossible to reach. Calendars have always been a big mess as well. Never fully knowing which day it is, you still always found yourself at the right place where you’re supposed to be. 

Leading to that evening. It was engraved in your memory that the boys were coming tomorrow therefore, obviously, they couldn’t be coming tonight, right? 

You went out with friends for an old-fashioned diner-movies-gossiping, which basically always ended in : When are you and Tig finally get together? And you desperately changing the subject, blushing and babbling about him being just a good friend, nothing more, just like the others. our friends laughing that you could actually believe yourself. 

The thing is, tomorrow would not be the day the boys arrived home because tonight was. And your cellphone may have been beeping and lightening up and ringing, the fact it was tuckered under a pillow on your couch made it absolutely impossible for you to notice it. 

You came home fairly late that evening, fiddling with your keys when you heard loud noises coming from the inside of your house. Panicked, you took  a flower pot from your porch and slowly unlock the door and opened it. Peeking inside, you waited for indications as to where the sound was coming from. You heard nothing for a while and decided to go in slowly to try and found out what was going on. And then, coming out of your bedroom door with a baseball bat in his hands stood… Tig. Fucking. Trager. You put the flower pot down and opened the lights to see him bleeding from his arm and with a scratch on his head. 

- WHAT THE HELL TIGGY?? 

- WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, WE’VE BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU FOR 2 HOURS STRAIGHT, I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD. WHAT DID WE SAY ABOUT YOUR CELLPHONE??

You blushed slightly, realizing your phone was left at home and the boys were actually worried about you. You took it from under the pillow and threw a shy smile at Tig. 

- Oops… Hey! Wait a minute. How did you actually get in?

You pushed pass him, ignoring the bleeding he had on his arm for another minute while you went to look at your bedroom window. You turned back at him and sighed, rolling your eyes in *faked* annoyance 

- You have got to stop breaking into my house.

He smiled coyly at you. 

- I wouldn’t have to if you’d just give me the keys, while throwing you a flirty wink. 

You grabbed his unhurt arm and dragged him to your bathroom where you could deal with his injuries. You forced him to take a seat and took upon yourself to find something to treat him. While you looked for alcohol swabs, he took his sweet time detailing your face, your eyes and your body in the nice clothes you decided to wear to go out. When you turned around, you saw his eyes glued to you and couldn’t help your blushing. You dealt with his minor injury quickly and threw all the stuff you used away. While your back was slightly turned to him, he grabbed your waist and pulled you on his lap. Feeling his breath on your neck and on the soft skin right behind your ear made you both giddy and very nervous. 

- I’m not kidding, if you’d just give me that key of yours… he murmured, lips close to your ear

- Tiggy, you just threw yourself through my bedroom window, I don’t think giving you the key would be safe, you mocked, trying to keep some kind of composure. 

- What if instead of crashing through your window, I wanted to come crash here, sometimes, he insisted teasingly, while you felt his nose in the crook of your neck and his hand on your thigh, making you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

- Tig… you breathed out.

Hearing his name being said so close to a moan made him turn your head towards him and pull you into a steamy kiss. After a while (could’ve been a minute, could’ve been three hours, you really did suck with time), the two of you pulled away to try and catch a breath. You stood up, turned around and left the bathroom. Tig, left alone with wide eyes, started freaking out, thinking he went too far, too fast, again. But this time, he bit his tongue for pushing away someone he truly cares about. Panicked and wild-eyed, he gets up and starts following you to explain but bumps into you when he gets out of the bathroom. 

Standing there, with a crooked smile on your face, you grabbed his hand to pull him into another kiss while discreetly slipping your key in the hand you were holding. You felt him smile against your lips while he grabbed you to pull you even closer to him. 

Nothing needed to be said. He had your key and you had no certainty that he wouldn’t still break into your house just because. But you sure wouldn’t have it any other way, because he may had your key now, but you had him and it’s all that mattered. 

[prolestariwrites]

The Wish [2]

Fandom: Devil May Cry Characters: Dante, Vergil, Nero, V, Lady, Eva, Sparda, OC Rating: General Tags: Family, Humor, Fluff, Angst, Typical demon hunting violence

Summary: A demon gives Dante the chance to have his greatest desires made real. When he finds himself in a seemingly idyllic life, all seems well until it starts to unravel. Will he sacrifice himself to save the family he lost, or will he choose to give them up for the truth?

Now Posted: Chapter 2, in which Dante hunts for clues and to who he is, and where he is, when he reconnects with a long-lost relative.

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Chapter 2: Pictures and Clues

Dante spends a full ten minutes just sitting on the bed in his underwear. He reviews every step of the night before: Nero texting him about this job, catching the train to Fortuna, the two of them driving out to the warehouse with the radio blaring and picking up burgers on the way. Then the demons, dozens upon dozens, that weren't difficult but packed to the brim so that when they pried open the front door of the building they swarmed like roaches.

He had found the queen at the top, but there it gets fuzzy. It talked to him, but about what? Something about his family? Every time he gets to that part, his headache turns a little sharper, so Dante decides to give thinking a rest so he can figure out where the hell he actually is.

His jeans are slung over a chair so he grabs them and fishes inside for his cell phone. It's different from the one he normally has, and he frowns as he turns it on and finds a passcode. He tries the first thing he can think of—1, 2, 3, 4, easy enough—and luckily it works. Quickly he dials Nero's number, but isn't really surprised when the automated voice comes on the line to tell him that number is not in service.

Dante scratches the back of his head. He's here, in a strange house with a woman who knows his parents, and Nero is… somewhere. Got it.

But then he wonders if something might have happened to Nero. What if he needs his help? Then this has got to be a dream, right? So how does he wake up?

Once he pulls his jeans on and finds a t-shirt in the other set of drawers, he tries the door. Cautiously he opens it, but the house is quiet, so Dante slips into the hallway. There are two other bedrooms and a bathroom which look suspiciously normal. Even the closets are tidy, and Dante snorts when he gets to the linen closet. This must be a dream. Who owns so many towels?

Next, he heads downstairs to the main floor. At the bottom is a living room, complete with a comfortable-looking sofa and a big-screen television. Dante stands in front of it and admires it for a minute before grabbing the remote control. He lets out a low whistle when he sees the picture quality, thinking if this is a dream, he's got good taste.

That demon's got good taste.

Dante shakes his head and continues his search. A small dining room is to the left, and to the right is a hallway leading to another half bath. The kitchen is nice too, the dishwasher humming and a pot of coffee warm on the counter. Even the refrigerator is stocked, and Dante helps himself to a piece of chicken he finds in a plastic container, figuring he can eat whatever he wants in a dream.

Out the kitchen window he can see a little backyard, and Dante sighs as he leans against the counter and chews thoughtfully. It's a nice enough house, something any ordinary couple might buy for a starter home. He glances down at the gold band on his finger, holding it up so he can examine it closely. Setting the chicken down, he wipes his hand on his jeans and slips it off, turning it over until he notices an inscription on the inside: Dante and Lir Forever.

He pictures the cute blonde who was half his size but acted more than familiar. "Lir," he murmurs out loud, slipping the ring back on as he looks around.

Wandering back through the house, Dante notices some pictures sitting on the windowsill in the living room. He walks over and picks up the first one, his face going a bit pale. He is in a suit, and that woman‚ Lir, is in a wedding dress. They are posed and smiling in front of a cake, holding a knife together as if to cut it. He turns it over but there's nothing out of the ordinary about it, and Dante snorts as he sets it back down again.

The next few are of them as well: a selfie in winter gear, posing in what Patty would call "Sunday attire", in bathing suits at a beach, arms around each other and grinning at the camera. He's gotta admit, they look pretty good together. His brain did a good job dreaming this girl up.

The next photo, however, feels like a punch to the gut. It's a double-sided frame on a hinge, and on one side it's him and a man who looks exactly like him, only his hair is slicked back instead of hanging in fringes around his face. In fact, he looks exactly like what Vergil would look like. If he was still alive.

Dante's hand shakes as he examines the picture. It is Vergil, it's got to be, the same slightly slimmer build and the half-inch in height that made it possible to tell them apart. The only thing that shocks him more than seeing this picture is the one opposite. Across from Dante and Vergil posed with small smiles is Vergil and Lady, her hand in his arm as they smile into the camera.

Gripping the picture frame, he grabs the next one and braces himself. Staring up at him are two people he somewhat recognizes, as if he had seen them in a dream. They are older, in their 60s maybe, the man grinning with his arm around his wife, sitting together on a couch. He has longish silver hair, not unlike Dante's, a pair of glasses hanging around his neck. Her blonde hair is swept up into a bun, streaks of white only making her more dignified, her hand on the man's knee. Dante brings the picture up so close his nose nearly touches it, and that's when he realizes that the woman is a dead ringer for Trish, if Trish was about 40 years older.

His cell phone rings in his pocket, startling him out of his examination. Dante fumbles for the phone but freezes when he sees the name Vergil appear on the screen. It takes another three rings before he gets the courage to answer. "Yeah?"

"Did I wake you or something?"

Dante staggers to the couch and sits heavily, still clutching the two pictures in his hands. He knew what to expect, but nothing could have prepared him for hearing that voice on the other end. "Dante," it says again. "You there?"

"Y-yeah," he stammers, his voice cracking around a dry throat. "Verge, is that you?"

"Of course it's me. I want to talk about tonight." Dante's eyes close as he listens, trying not to freak out. Even Vergil's exasperation for him is the same. "I'm paying for dinner, and I don't want to hear anything about it. We need to settle this now so we don't argue at the restaurant."

"What uh…" Dante's mind is spinning and he shakes his head to clear it. "Yeah uh, Lir mentioned something about a dinner. Do you know Lir?"

"I'm surprised you forgot, Dante. Usually you remember these sorts of things." Dante leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he tries to breathe. "This dinner tonight is important and I don't want a scene. Just let me pay for it, and afterward we can agree on how you'll pay me back your half. Agreed?"

Dante swallows thickly. "Yeah, yeah that's fine. Vergil. Vergil."

Even saying his name gives Dante the shivers. "Well I expected more of an argument. Glad you're going to listen to reason. Don't be late."

"Wait, Verge?" Dante looks down at the picture in his hand, something hot and tight tickling his throat. "Can I see you? Can you come over?"

"What for? I'll be seeing you tonight, and I have the kids. Are you sick? Where's Lir?"

"She covered a shift," Dante replies. "Please, Verge, I got… I need to say some things."

"Well say it tonight. I'm not driving all the way over there when I'll see you in a few hours."

Dante chuckles, swallowing tears as his breath escapes in a laugh. "Okay. Yeah. Hey uh, is mom and dad… they really gonna be there? At this dinner thing?"

There is a long pause, and then Vergil huffs, "Don't be stupid," before hanging up on him.

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The rest of the afternoon Dante spends figuring out his life. He finds photo albums in the closet, handmade scrapbooks that Lir definitely made. They chronicle some of their vacations, and he smiles as he turns the pages to see them camping, at the beach, at Disneyworld. The wedding one makes him wince a bit, the smiling faces of his brother and his parents making something in his chest tight. The date on the preserved invitation tells him they've been married about ten years, which is pretty funny since the longest relationship he's ever had was about ten minutes after getting dressed.

He looks weird in a suit, and Dante snorts to think what Lady or Trish would say if they saw him. But Lady is there, on Vergil's arm, and that is a mystery he can't wait to solve. And Trish kind of is there, in the form of his mother, looking slightly older but just as lovely.

There is a drawer in the desk in the office that has some bills, and he boots up the computer to take a look through. The email is pretty normal, receipts from online orders and utility companies, messages from the family and people he doesn't know. There is a link to a bank account and Dante's brows lift to see the balance. Compared to his normal finances, the amount seems like a small fortune.

There must be something a god of fortune can give you.

A cat appears suddenly, jumping onto the desk and stalking across the keyboard to plop across his arms. Dante pulls back in reaction, which earns him a very annoyed look from the cat. "Hey uh, there," he says, tentatively reaching out to pat its head.

The cat snaps at him, and Dante rolls his eyes. He never got along with animals as a rule. "So you want to sit on my computer as I'm using it but I can't pet you, hm?" he grumbles. The cat yawns in response, so he decides to go find lunch instead.

There's not much more to discover after having a sandwich. His life seems completely ordinary, although he doesn't know exactly what he does or even if he's still in Red Grave City. The other question still to solve is Nero. If Vergil is alive and married to Lady, then does Nero even exist? His face goes a bit hot to think of the kid not being around. But Vergil had mentioned kids on the phone… is it possible?

He is dozing on the couch and watching television when the door bursts open. Dante is on his feet and reaching for his guns that aren't there when Lir hurries in, her arms filled with dry cleaning as she comes like a whirlwind into the living room. "I'm so sorry I'm late! I can't believe I got stuck there! I told them I couldn't stay, and now look at the time!"

She pushes the clothes and plastic into his arms and pulls her cell phone from her purse. "Did you take a shower yet? You still need to shave. You are going to shave, right? You can't look like a sasquatch at the party."

Lir looks up at him expectantly, and Dante shrugs. "Yeah, I guess?"

"Good. Wait. Are you okay?" She steps up and presses a hand to his forehead. "You were sick this morning. How do you feel?"

"I'm okay," he assures her. "I had a weird dream."

She smiles, and his heart actually skips a beat. His brain is good. "Good. Did you feed Claudius?"

"Claudius?"

"Yes. The cat." Lir laughs and pats his chest. "Was he a problem today?"

Dante thinks about the cat that interrupted his computer search. "No. And no, I didn't feed him."

"Okay. I'll take care of it. You go shower and get dressed. And don't take too much off, you know I prefer a bit of facial hair." She takes the dry cleaning from his arms and pulls one of the hangers to hand back to him. "Here's your shirt and pants. I'm glad you're feeling better."

"Yeah." He watches her step around him, draping the rest of the clothes over the back of a chair before disappearing into the kitchen. If this is a dream, it's more vivid than any he can remember.

The shower feels good, even if Dante is amazed by how many things are on the shelves. He's never lived with a girl but is there anything needed really other than a bar of soap? In one of the drawers under the sink he finds a shaving kit and goes to work before the shower fixing up his face just like she asked. It occurs to Dante that this is his dream and he can do whatever he wants, but something makes him not want to disappoint her, so he makes sure to leave a nicely trimmed beard while removing the rest from his cheeks and neck. Once the shower is hot, he goes for the least-strange sounding soaps before finishing up and drying off with a nice fluffy towel.

He peeks into the bedroom and finds it empty. Quickly he hurries over to the bureau and opens the top drawer, rummaging around for some underwear. Dante just has his first foot in when Lir enters, and he yelps when he sees her. "Hey! I'm getting dressed!" he protests.

She freezes and looks at him in surprise as he pulls his boxer briefs up. "Yeah. I see that." With a laugh she moves to the closet and hangs the rest of the dry cleaning up before disappearing into the bathroom.

Dante frowns before he remembers, they are married. He rubs his hand on his face with an internal groan. He is going to have to get used to this as long as this dream or whatever lasted, including being half-dressed in front of her. While she's gone he quickly pulls on the dark slacks and gray dress shirt before heading to the closet. He finds some black dress shoes he figures Lir will like, and once he's all ready he stands and looks at himself in the full-length mirror that is propped against the wall.

Dante barely recognizes himself without the low-slung denim and some red leather, but he figures he still looks pretty good. As long as he looks better than Vergil, he'll be satisfied, chuckling to himself at the thought. But then he sobers a bit as his stomach turns, wondering what it will be like to see Vergil again. The last time was on Mallet Island, and before that, watching him fall off the Temen-ni-gru. Did that even happen in this place? There had to be a Temen-ni-gru if Lady was here, right? He shakes his head, confused as ever. He needs to figure this out, and fast.

Lir steps past him, again dressed in only a bra and panties, and Dante quickly looks the other way as she pulls her dress over her head. "Will you get this zipper?" she asks as she steps into a pair of heels.

Clearing his throat, he steps up behind her and carefully pulls the zipper up as she smooths her hands down the front. It's a sleeveless blue little number that fits her just right, and when she turns around to fix his collar he admires how nice she looks. "Okay," Lir smiles. "You ready to go? Dinner with the family is always interesting."

Dinner with the family. "Yeah, I'm ready," he grins. Maybe the mystery-solving can wait until after seeing them again at least. Couldn't hurt, right?

[wanderingcas]

Safe and Sound. Commission for @starsmish 3.5k words

. . . 

Castiel leans back against the wall adjacent to the men’s bathroom, looking down at the watch-face poking out of his sleeve. People stare at him curiously as they filter in and out of the restrooms. Castiel smiles politely back, all the while keeping his eyes trained for a specific face: one with bright green eyes, a jawline that Castiel is positive would cut glass, and dusty blonde hair. 

He was assigned to Dean Winchester approximately two weeks ago. What Castiel originally thought was going to be a low-key assignment, protecting Lawrence’s newly-appointed councilman is turning out to be one of his more difficult cases. 

The first red flag is that Dean’s family hired Castiel without informing Dean at all. According to the family, Dean had been receiving death threats from an alt-right group so cleverly named “the Trumpers” because of Dean’s very liberal agenda in his politics. The family was concerned. Castiel assumed that Dean was also concerned. 

But when Castiel walked into the room and saw Dean for the first time, saw the equal parts of surprised and pissed off look on Dean’s face: that was Castiel’s second red flag. 

He checks his watch again. It’s been 20 minutes. 

“Goddammit.” Castiel pivots and swings through the bathroom door. He opens each empty stall. He does a useless circle around the empty bathroom. 

“God damn it,” he says again, voice echoing off the tiles.

. . . 

It isn’t hard to find Dean, as the workaholic councilman is parked where he usually is: his office.

Castiel smacks a styrofoam cup onto Dean’s desk. Drops of cold coffee spring to liberate themselves through the plastic lid’s opening. “You forgot this.” 

Dean’s eyes barely leave his computer screen. “Mm,” he replies. He picks it up; sips. Grimaces. “That’s disgusting.” 

Sitting in a chair across from Dean’s desk, Castiel says, “Yes, Dean. That’s because it’s cold. Because you left it. Hours ago.” 

“Huh,” Dean says.

“When you left a location without informing me,” Castiel continues to explain. “Again.” Dean still doesn’t look up. “That’s dangerous,” Castiel adds.

“Uh-huh.” 

Castiel kicks the desk with the toe of his foot, making it rattle. “Are you even listening to me?” 

Dean finally takes his hands off the keyboard, folds them in front of him. “Cas. I have more important things to do than listen to you bitch about how you failed at your job. Again.”

“You can’t keep running away from me,” Castiel says tightly. “I can’t keep you safe if you’re constantly running away.”

Dean leans back in his chair, laces his fingers behind his head. “I dunno, I’d call it more like… walking briskly. Not my fault that you’re too slow.” 

“I was waiting for you.” 

“Huh. Didn’t see you.” 

“I was waiting,” Castiel continues, leaning forward, “as I was all the other times when you’ve attempted to ditch me. During that press conference on Wednesday, at every grocery store you go into, at the restaurant last night—” 

“Well, you being on my date was a little weird, to be fair,” Dean says.

“Dean.” Castiel pinches the bridge of his nose. “You hired me to protect you. I can’t do that if you won’t allow me to do so.” 

“My family hired you,” Dean corrects, “and based on some stupid disorganized Trump fanatic group that couldn’t even find their own ass if it was handed to them. Nothing’s gonna happen, okay? I’m keeping you around to make my brother chill out. That’s it. I don’t need your damn protection.” 

“I disagree,” Castiel says. “I’ve been monitoring tagged posts with your Twitter username, and some of them are violent death threats. From multiple extremist groups. Additionally, you did a very poor job at hiding the letter you received that depicted a very graphic drawing of you getting eaten alive by hellhounds.” 

“But that’s all they are, Cas,” Dean says. “Threats. Nothing’s actually happened. You’ve been up my butt for weeks; have you seen anyone stalking me? Confronting me personally?” At Castiel’s reluctant dissenting head shake, Dean says, “See? It’s fine. Nothing to worry about.” 

Castiel hasn’t known Dean long, but he can identify three qualities in him: stubborn, handsome, and fiercely loyal to his family. Castiel straightens in his chair and plays his last hand “Elections are coming up,” he says. “That’s when people get most heated. And if you’re ignoring the seriousness of the situation, there may be an attack on you that could get multiple people hurt if it’s not intercepted. Like the woman you were on a date with last night.” Castiel takes a breath, attempts to hit home. “Or your family.” 

It has the desired effect: Dean’s face becomes stormy and still. He slowly points a finger at Castiel, jabbing with it in the air. “Don’t you dare bring my family into this.” 

“I am not doing so. The people who are threatening your life will.” 

Dean sits, stone-faced, until an unheard noise makes Dean snap to attention. “All right, Cas. You wanna play it like that? Then here’s what I think: you’re bad at your job. It’s why you work as an independent contractor who costs next to nothing to hire. You’re shitty at your profession, and you’re blaming me for it. I’m not a ninja, and yet I slip past you every goddamn time. You think that’s a coincidence?” 

Castiel clenches the fabric of his pants, bunched at the knees, willing himself not to take the bait. “If this whole thing is some sort of ridiculous self-punishment—”

“Where the hell did you pull that out of your ass?” Dean scoffs.

“—from that attack last year that hurt your brother, instead of you, because he got caught in the crossfire—”

Dean says, voice raised and sharp, “Don’t you dare bring that up, you son of a—”

“You could really get hurt, Dean!” Castiel shouts above him. “This isn’t a damn game. No matter what your problem is with me, or with having protection in the first place, you have to face the facts.” 

They stare at each other in a moment of silent standoff. The hallway beyond Dean’s office’s open door has gone tensely quiet. 

Dean stands and pushes his chair back harder than necessary. “I did a little digging on you too,” he says, a little too calmly. “You were fired from the former Secretary of State’s detail because you made a mistake on the job. It’s classified, obviously, but I’m willing to bet it had to do with that bomb making its way to the East Wing. Am I on the right track?” 

Castiel clenches his jaw. “The whole security detail was fired,” he says. “Not just me.” 

There’s a flicker in Dean’s expression—a softness that Castiel had not seen yet from him—but it’s gone as fast as it occurred. He replaces it with a condescending smile. “Pretty hard to protect anyone properly after that piss-poor mistake, huh?” 

Something in Castiel’s chest splinters. “All right,” he snaps, the backs of his knees smacking the chair as he stands. “Message received. I’ll resign from protecting you, effective immediately. You won’t be hearing from me again.” 

“Peachy,” Dean shoots back. He falls back into his chair, trains his eyes once again onto the computer screen again. 

Castiel has his hand on the knob, clenching it so hard it could shatter. “Whatever your opinion of me is; I hope you think about what I said.” He turns the knob sharply against the silence behind him, says, “I don’t want to see you get hurt,” before slamming the door behind him.

He takes the stairs that are down the hall from Dean’s office. His feet hitting the metal stairs echo sharply in the empty space. Striding through the lobby of the office building, he narrowly avoids connecting shoulders with a group of men who are walking quickly in the other direction.

When he gets outside, he doesn’t know what to do. He pulls his scarf against the wind. As is the theme of the week, people look at him strangely as he stands there, staring down at the sidewalk. The sun begins to slump in the sky. 

“Idiot,” he says to the ground, as if to explain. “He’s a goddamn idiot.” 

Despite this, he knows he has to go back in. 

He’s clenching and unclenching his hands, indecisive, until his phone begins vibrating violently in his coat pocket. He scrambles to take it out with his stiff fingers and pulls off a glove with his teeth so he can hit the green button on the touchscreen. “Hello?” 

“Cas—” says Dean’s voice, cut off by something that sounds like static. 

Castiel holds the phone closer to his ear, listening intently. “Dean? Hello?” 

“Cas—” says Dean’s voice, again, this time more desperate. It sounds like some sort of fabric is being rubbed against the receiver, making the connection fuzzy. A few odd thuds are heard over the receiver. 

“Dean, what’s going on? Where are you?” He hears Dean’s voice again, but this time it’s not forming a word—more like a cry. The realization of what’s happening dumps over Castiel like cold water. 

“Fuck,” Castiel says. 

Like a shot out of a gun, he whips around and bolts through the revolving doors. He holds the phone to his ear like a lifeline with one hand, pushing people out of the way with the other. “Dean, hang on!” he shouts into the phone. “I’m coming, just hang on! Call the police, tell them to come to office 202!” he barks at the bewildered doorman as he sprints by. 

He was only gone for ten minutes, he thinks desperately. Or twenty. How long was he standing outside?

Castiel dashes into the stairwell he used earlier to leave. As he begins sprinting up the stairs, he hears the grunts and thuds he heard over the phone become a reality.

Castiel throws his phone aside and increases his speed, taking two stairs at a time. He sees a group of men all huddled around one broken one. He jumps at the back of one of the men, barely slowing his sprint, knocking him to the ground. 

Seeing Dean bleeding and curled up on the ground brings out something primal in Castiel. He kicks a man over the railing, barely hearing the thump that follows. He punches a man with one fist and pivots to scissor-chop a man’s neck with the other. Castiel barely sees how many people there even are, barely stacks the odds in the fight: he just knows that Dean is in danger, Dean needs to be helped, Dean needs protection. 

Among the chaos, Dean has teetered to his feet and is fighting beside Castiel, landing the occasional second blow after Castiel deals the real damage. Castiel grabs Dean by the arm, leading him toward the door that opens to the hallway. He fumbles for his taser, aiming and firing at a man running toward them. 

“Go to your office and lock the door,” Castiel tells Dean, already pushing him into the hallway. He sees an argument in Dean’s eyes; Castiel barks, “Go!” 

. . . 

In the end, one man against six is a bit stacked, even for a trained bodyguard. He’s caught in a headlock and can barely see out of his left eye by the time the police arrive. 

As soon as his neck is free, the police shouting at the assailants to get on the ground around him, he stumbles into the light of the hallway and runs toward Dean’s office. 

He finds Dean with the EMTs, a blanket being put around his shoulders, a stretcher prepared for him to be taken to an ambulance downstairs. 

Castiel stands in the doorway, waves off the medic trying to treat him. “Focus on the councilman,” he snaps. 

Castiel walks beside the stretcher as they wheel Dean out of the building; Castiel can tell that Dean is pretty hurt since he barely protests to the special treatment. 

When Dean reaches for Castiel’s hand, he decides that Dean is downright delusional; nonetheless he grabs Dean’s hand tightly, refusing to let go during the whole ambulance ride to the hospital. 

. . . 

“Cas.” 

Castiel raises his head from where it’s cradled in his hands. His delirious mind mistakes the voice for Dean’s; a few blinks into the fluorescent hospital lights confirms that it’s Sam Winchester looming before him. 

He feels a whole new wave of shame overtake him. “Sam.” Castiel wipes a shaking hand over his face. “God. I don’t know how to—” He stutters out a breath. “How is he?” 

Sam sits in the plastic chair next to Castiel’s. “He’s stable. A few broken ribs, concussion… nothing too serious, though. They’re going to keep him overnight for observation.” 

Castiel nods. He can’t sit still, has a weird tremor in his leg. “I am so sorry,” he whispers. 

“How long have you been here?” Sam asks. 

It’s a ridiculous question that Castiel couldn’t care less about the answer to. “I don’t know. What time is it?” 

“They brought Dean in six hours ago,” Sam says. “I got on a flight as soon as you called me.” 

Castiel nods numbly. He doesn’t even remember that phone call. Or where his phone is now. 

“Cas.” Sam puts a hand on Castiel’s shoulder; he flinches at the touch. “Have you had anyone look at you?” 

“There was a nurse,” Castiel says. He vaguely points to his swollen left eye. “Stitches.” He can’t meet the younger Winchester’s eyes. It makes no sense that Sam’s being gentle or caring to someone who so tragically and stupidly let his older brother down. If anything, Sam should be shoving lawsuit papers underneath Castiel’s nose.

“They arrested all the guys that attacked him,” Sam says. He huffs a laugh. “Although the majority of them had to be hospitalized, too, after the number you did on them.” 

Castiel clears his throat against the scratchiness that’s rising up in it. “Dean fought back, too.” 

Sam chuckles, shakes his head. “Of course he did.” 

They sit in silence, as nurses and white coats and stretchers scurry by. Castiel keeps his eyes on the scuffed linoleum floor that’s yellowed with age.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Sam says, shattering the silence. 

Sharply rising to his feet, Castiel says, “Don’t.” 

Sam stands with him. “Seriously, Cas, it wasn’t. Dean was being difficult. He ignored the dangers—and you can probably tell by now how freaking stubborn he is. I’m honestly surprised you lasted this long with him.” 

“I should have stayed by his side, no matter how much he complained,” Castiel says. “It’s part of the job. I didn’t do my due diligence, I didn’t protect him, I didn’t even see this attack coming—”

“Cas, whoa, slow down.” Sam puts a hand on his shoulder again, pulls him to face him. “These guys that attacked Dean aren’t even an alt-right group that was contacting him with those death threats. It was a completely random attack. They saw Dean go into the building and they impulsively decided to go in.” He looks imploringly at Castiel. “I don’t blame you, not even for a minute. And neither does Dean.” 

Castiel feels something thrum through him. “He’s awake?” 

“Yeah. And he’s asking for you. That’s why I came out here.” 

“I don’t—” Castiel shakes his head. “I don’t think I can—”

“I think he wants to apologize,” Sam continues, “Which for Dean is … well, frankly, a minor miracle. So don’t pass up this opportunity, okay?” 

Castiel looks for a moment at Sam’s reassuring smile. “I’ll go,” he finally relents. “At the very least to apologize to him.” 

“Whatever makes you two stubborn idiots talk to each other,” Sam says with a gentle pat on Castiel’s back. 

Dean’s hospital room is a private room with a security guard stationed in front of it. Castiel doesn’t meet the guard’s eyes as he walks in. 

Dean is on the bed, hunched over a sprawl of papers on his lap. He’s shirtless, bandages wrapped around his bare torso.

Castiel stands there for a moment, mouth open, staring at the scene. “What the ever-loving hell are you doing?” 

Dean looks up. “Hey, Cas,” he says with a lopsided grin. 

“‘Hey, Cas’?” Castiel spits out. “Are you kidding me? You’re doing work?” Dean opens his mouth to argue, barely gets a word out before Castiel is striding over to him and snatching the papers from him, dumping them on the floor. “And you shouldn’t be half-naked in a hospital where you can catch a cold,” Castiel continues, snapping Dean’s hospital gown in the air before depositing it on his head. “Put that on.” 

“Jesus, fine,” Dean tentatively putting his arms through the sleeves, wincing at the disturbed bruises on his skin. “I didn’t realize Sam hired a nanny instead of a bodyguard.” 

Castiel sits in the chair adjacent to the bed, bristling. “I won’t have you getting hurt on my watch again, Dean,” he snaps. “Not for the last few hours I’m in your employment.” 

Dean blinks. “Are you quitting?” 

Castiel looks at him incredulously. 

“Okay, yeah. Well, I probably owe you an explanation.” Dean shifts minutely in his bed. “And an apology.” 

Seeing Dean vulnerable deflates Castiel from any anger. “No, I have to apologize. If I had been there—”

“But you weren’t, because I pushed you away, Cas. The things I said to you…” Dean rubs at the eye that’s not bandaged, huffing out a sigh. “I said those awful things because I knew pissing you off wouldn’t make you go away; hurting you would. I know how to find people’s weak spots and apply pressure. It’s why I’m in politics I guess.” 

“It’s not like the things you said to me weren’t true,” Castiel says softly. “You’re right in that I did get fired. That I failed at my job. Similarly to how I failed at this one.” 

“No, Cas, that’s not it. You’re human, okay? But I just—” Dean pauses. Frowns down at his hands clasped over the thin, blue hospital blanket. “Sam was attacked last year. You know that. He didn’t get hurt, but—those people were after me. And I didn’t protect him. My whole life, it’s just been me and Sam against the world. I always protected him, kept him safe, and last year I realized that I just… can’t anymore.” He laughs, but it’s humorless. “It was fucking depressing.” 

Castiel blames it on the lack of sleep when his hand reaches out and gently grasps Dean’s arm. “Dean…” 

“And then Sam hires you because he thinks that I can’t take care of myself, and I just saw red. I saw you as this, I dunno,” Dean waves a hand in Castiel’s direction, “physical manifestation of everything I can’t do: take care of Sam or even myself from a bunch of crazy lunatics. I took it out on you. And I’m sorry.” 

Tightening his grip on Dean’s arm, Castiel says, “I shouldn’t have left you.” 

“It’s not your fault, Cas. Seriously. I don’t blame you for a second.” Dean wraps the hospital gown tighter around himself. “I blame myself, for being a coward. Not really facing the dangers that are out there.” 

Castiel shakes his head. “Dean—”

“I know there’s bad people on both sides,” Dean says, words rushing forward. “I just wanted to… I dunno. Be one of the good guys. Be brave.” 

“You are brave,” Castiel says. “You’re assertive in your beliefs, you don’t back down from your opinions just because someone dissents. That’s brave.” 

Dean shrugs, pondering on that for a minute. The heart rate monitor beats a steady thrum in the silence. “That means a lot,” he finally says. 

“Good. Because it’s true.” Castiel adds, firmly, “And protecting you has been an honor.” 

There’s a rise of color on Dean’s cheeks; he chuckles, “Jesus, Cas, buy me dinner first.” 

Castiel smiles. He pulls his hand back; as he does, Dean grabs it, just as firmly and decisively as he did while riding in the ambulance just hours before. 

“I’ve been an ass,” Dean says, “and I would understand if you don’t want to. But honestly, Cas, I want you around.” 

Castiel tries to take his hand back, but Dean holds tighter. “No, Dean. I think you’re incorrect. I wouldn’t keep you safe, I’d just—”

“I was safe until I pushed you away,” Dean says. 

Castiel can’t argue with that. He looks away from Dean’s green eyes are imploring. “I suppose that’s true,” he admits.

“I won’t do that again,” Dean says, “seriously. I’ll let you do your job. If I promise not to keep trying to dodge you, and at least, uh—try to be less stubborn and make your life easier… would you—” 

It’s the lack of sleep, Castiel thinks, it must be, because his mouth is moving and is interrupting Dean to say, “Yes.” 

Dean gapes at him. “You really want to—”

“Yes,” Castiel says again. More sure this time. He squeezes Dean’s hand tighter. “If you promise not to leave me standing in front of bathrooms again as you climb through the windows, then yes, I will stay. Keep you safe.” 

The smile Dean gives Castiel is blinding and beautiful, and if Castiel were hooked up to that heart rate monitor, it would be going wild, giving him away. It’s the first real one that Castiel’s since he started protecting Dean.

“I promise, Cas.” 

[kingyeoms]

sleeping in his shirt

pairing: lee seokmin x reader (f) genre: mostly fluff, some angst, smut towards the end!! warnings: swearing, oral (giving & receiving), unprotected sex, creampie summary: when things get rough with your boyfriend, you can always count on your best friend to be there for you. but falling in love with him? that’s something you never would’ve expected. word count: 3,597 a/n: my first long-ish fic? this was definitely something out of my comfort zone, but i finally did it! feedback is v much appreciated, my writing still has a ton of work but i hope it was still fun to read! also the end is cheesy but i’m a sucker for cheese and seokmin so :) ♡ best read on desktop, use mobile browser if you can’t read under the cut ♡

“changkyun, i’m getting sleepy.. can we please go to bed now? you’ve been playing overwatch for the past three hours,” you pouted, sprawled on the bed. you came over to your boyfriend’s dorm to spend quality time with him, but instead you had gone through every single app on your phone. you were so bored, you were literally looking at cafe menus to pass the time. “i’m sure jooheon doesn’t want me on his bed anymore, either.”

“he won’t be back until later, and i’m sure he won’t mind you being on his bed. one more game, i promise babe.” he brushed you off as you sighed, getting up from the bed.

“i’m gonna go home, just text me before you go to bed.” you muttered under your breath, not even bothering to make your presence known at this point. changkyun, too busy staring at the screen in front of him, didn’t even notice you leave.

“seokmin are you awake? i’m outside, can i come up?” the glow of your phone illuminating your face as you sat in your car, in an empty parking lot across from seventeen’s dorm. you were in the area anyways, and it wasn’t uncommon for you to stop by your best friend’s place before going back to your own apartment. “y/n? you’re still awake? yeah, it’s late though, so i’ll meet you downstairs.”

you breathed a sigh of relief, entering the building to meet a familiar looking sight, grinning slightly in seokmin’s bare face, messy hair, and striped pajama pants. “what’s up?”

“changkyun’s playing overwatch again,” you muttered under your breath, waiting for the elevator to reach the sixth floor. you had known seokmin since birth, the two of you practically being attached at the hip since day one, so it was only natural for you to find comfort in him. in fact, it was actually one of seok’s group members, soonyoung who introduced you to jooheon, who then introduced you to changkyun. to be honest, the thought of you possibly replacing him was absolutely irritating to him, so when you started dating changkyun, it was safe to say that seok wasn’t the happiest camper.

“ignoring you again?” seokmin laughed, as he unlocked the door to his room.“joshua’s sleeping upstairs tonight, so you can sleep in here if you don’t want to go home. i’ll tell him i’m sleeping in his room.” you sat on the edge of his bed as he tossed you one of his shirts, your favorite one to be exact. what you didn’t know, is that seok refused to let any of the other members borrow that shirt, knowing that it was the one you liked to wear to bed.

“i appreciate it, but why is josh sleeping upstairs? also, you know the drill. no peeking.” seok laughed, turning his back to face the door as you quickly changed into your makeshift pajamas, his scent hugging your body.

“i think chan wanted to watch a horror film with him, but they both got scared and he didn’t want to come back downstairs by himself.” he grinned, sitting beside you on the bed as you crawled into the warmth of his blankets. “now tell me, why are you dating changkyun again when all he does is ignore you?”

to be honest, you weren’t so sure why you were dating changkyun. at first everything was fine, he was a great boyfriend, but as time passed you were always put on the back burner. “i’m eating with hyungwon tonight, don’t wait for me.” “i’m seeing a movie with minhyuk and jooheon, go to bed without me.” of course, you knew that his members were important to him. you knew this, but why was it so hard for him to make time for you too? when seokmin became a trainee, you had to learn how to accept the fact that you weren’t the most important person in his life anymore. however, it wasn’t hard for seok to integrate you into his new life, since the rest of the boys treated you like family. you would always stop by the dorm after classes, spending the rest of your days watching seokmin practice or helping him write new lyrics. but once you started dating changkyun, things changed and you stopped visiting as often.

“i wish i could tell you.” you yawned, your eyes struggling to stay open. you weren’t sure what was going on in your relationship, but you were just happy to have seokmin, who stuck by your side through all the ups and downs.

seok caressed your cheek, his insides swelling with frustration. it made him absolutely livid to see you like this, knowing that his best friend was dating such a piece of shit. “you’ll always have me, y/n. no matter what.” he murmured, kissing the top of your head before leaving you alone. you felt your ears and cheeks heat up, a warm, fuzzy feeling filling your body as you drifted off to sleep.

you spent the next couple of days hanging around seventeen’s dorm. changkyun hadn’t bothered to text you at all, and to be honest? you sort of forgot he existed. the boys were more than happy to have you around again, knowing that seokmin was always happier than usual when you were in his presence. after work, you two would meet at the convenience store across the street, buy different kinds of ice cream, and binge watch animations for the rest of the night. whenever seok was needed at the studio to run vocals, you would tag along, jihoon even asking for your opinion on lyrics. when the boys had practice, you were there to cheer them on, your hands full of snacks and drinks from the cafe next to the studio. everything seemed like it was slowly but surely going back to the way it was before.

so when changkyun’s friend kihyun, saw you and seokmin together at a cafe, sharing a slice of strawberry cake and an iced latte, he texted changkyun, “i didn’t know you and y/n broke up?”

“we didn’t?”

“so why is she getting cozy with some other guy right now? soonyoung’s friend, seokmin? interesting.”

it was two in the morning when changkyun showed up at your door, eyes full of rage. “kihyun told me he saw you with seokmin the other day, is it true?”

“changkyun it’s late, why are you here?” you sighed in frustration, running your hands through your hair. he stumbled towards you, the pungent smell of whiskey on his lips as he hurled ridiculous accusations at you.

“you’ve been cheating on me, haven’t you y/n? you’ve been fucking that piece of shit seokmin behind my back, huh? that’s why you haven’t been around the past week? because you’ve been too busy on your knees sucking his cock?” his words slurred as you bit your tongue, eyes starting to swell with tears. how dare he accuse you of cheating, when he was the one who didn’t even bother to contact you? these past couple of days you felt the happiest you’ve been in such a long time, only for changkyun to come and ruin it all.

“get out of my fucking face, changkyun.” you gritted through your teeth, fists clenching, shaking in sheer anger. you slammed the door shut, changkyun’s drunken slurs still echoing from the hallway. you were absolutely furious, your legs giving out as you collapsed against the door, eyes bloodshot and puffy.

the morning after, you decided that it would be best to avoid seokmin for the time being. you ignored his calls and texts for three days, locking yourself in your apartment and isolating yourself from him and the rest of the outside world. you needed time to rethink your relationships, with changkyun and seokmin. i mean, seok was just your best friend, right? so why did you feel so... confused about your feelings for him? 

seokmin was… confused, to say the least. you had never shut him out like this before, even when you two fought. so it was safe to say that not hearing from you for three days was absolutely nerve-wrecking for him. did he overstep a boundary? did he do something to scare you off? you two were just hanging out, just friends, like the old times... what could have possibly happened?

so when you showed up in front of his dorm at three in the morning, eyes stained red from tears, your hand clutching your phone, a photo of changkyun kissing someone else at the club dimly lit on the screen, seokmin couldn’t help but feel a wave of rage in his chest. “it’s his partner from his chemistry lab. apparently it’s been going on for a while, but nobody ever said anything.” you mumbled, your hands shaking in resentment and anger.

he pulled you in, clutching you tight, rubbing soft circles on your back, peppering comforting kisses on your head. “h-hey, d-don’t cry.. it’s gonna be okay, yeah? everything’s gonna be okay from now on, y/n. i promise, i p-promise you everything’s g-gonna be okay. i got you.” you buried your head deep in his chest, thankful for the comfort he brought you.

“can i sleep here tonight?” you mumbled, your fingers clinging onto the fabric of his t-shirt. seokmin didn’t say anything, instead taking your hand and leading you to his bedroom, pulling out your beloved sleepy shirt from his closet.

“if you need me, i’ll be in the living room with wonwoo.” seokmin pressed his lips against your forehead and thought nothing of it. but when you gripped his wrist, asking him to stay with you until you fell asleep, he found himself crawling under the sheets with you, wrapping his arms around you, brushing stray strands of hair from your face. as he laid in bed with you, feeling your heartbeat against his chest, he couldn’t help but feel … something. he decided that maybe, perhaps.. being next to you like this was something he wouldn’t mind doing for the rest of his life.

and when you woke up the next morning, streams of sunlight shining through the window to illuminate a sleeping seokmin next to you, arms still tightly wrapped around you, you couldn’t help but think that maybe your best friend was something much more to you than you thought.

you couldn’t help but giggle at the sight of him sleeping with his mouth half open, your fingers brushing against his cheek. for he was cute, and you felt like a complete idiot for not realizing it until now.

“y/n? what’s so funny?”

“nothing, you just look cute when you sleep.” you giggled as he pouted, pulling you in tighter, his head resting in the crook of your neck. you let out a soft gasp, surprised at the sensation of his lips pressed against your skin, your fingers finding their way to his hair. he pulled away for a bit to look at you, his ears and cheeks turning the slightest shade of pink.

“hey, can i try something? and if you don’t like it, i prom-” you cut him off by pulling his chin closer, pressing your lips against his. “how’d you know?” he murmured against your lips, refusing to pull away. you grinned, cupping his cheeks with your hands, feeling a complete sense of euphoria rush over you. seokmin swept his tongue against your bottom lip, gently asking you for permission to deepen the kiss. you would be a fool to say no, happily allowing him access to the one thing he had been craving all night, the two of you sharing saliva in pure ecstasy.

pulling seokmin on top of you, the two of you found a more comfortable position, his arms resting on either side of you, your arms snaking around his neck. he parted from your lips, making his way down your neck, planting soft, open kisses as you tilted your head back in pleasure. you felt one of his hands push the fabric of your shirt up, cupping one of your breasts gently, his thumb rubbing little circles onto your nipple, tongue swirling around the other one. you arched your back, crying out seok’s name while his teeth grazed your hardening bud. “is this okay?” he murmured, sucking soft, sensual, bruises all over your chest. you clutched the bed sheets, letting out a pleasurable cry, giving seokmin the answer he so desperately needed.

seokmin made his way down your body, kissing every inch of you until he reached your inner thighs, pressing a thumb against your clothed clit, a small wet spot already seeping through your shorts. “can i take these off?” you nodded, your heat begging for his touch. he slipped them off, spreading your legs before burying his face deep into your core. you were in absolute heaven, your legs wrapping around his shoulders and your hands tugging at his hair. his tongue traced intricate patterns across your folds, his fingers digging into your thighs as he lapped up your dripping arousal.

“h-holy f-fuck s-seokmin,” you moaned, watching him flick his tongue across your swollen clit, “how the f-fuck are you s-so good at t-this?” he smirked, rubbing your bud with his thumb while smothering your inner thighs with sloppy, wet kisses.

“i have no idea, i think it’s because you taste so fucking good baby,” he continued, devoting all his attention to sucking, licking, and rubbing your sensitive bud, determined to make you climax. your legs were in a frenzy, shaking uncontrollably, seokmin’s hands gripping them tightly to hold them in place. you felt it come to you in a rush, your mind going blank, eyes rolling to the back of your head seeing nothing but stars. “s-seok.. i c-came..” you whimpered at the overwhelming sensitivity, seokmin still gently licking your clit.

as seokmin found his way back to your side, you noticed the increase in size of his length, creating a tent in his pajama pants. you sat up and instinctively reached for his bulge, spitting into your hand before slipping it into his waistband, wrapping your fingers around his tip. “fuck, y/n,” he hissed, shutting his eyes in pleasure as you coated his length in a mixture of his precum and your saliva, tugging his pants down to free his member.

and holy fuck, seok was huge. you licked your lips, your hand pumping up and down his length while you slid in between his legs, finally having the opportunity to satisfy your craving. seokmin propped himself up, taking your chin in one of his hands, his thumb affectionately rubbing your cheek. “baby, you look so fucking hot, sucking me off like this,” he moaned as your tongue flicked against his tip, before taking him in completely. your mouth was full of his cock, the corners of your eyes beginning to tear slightly. you bobbed your head up and down further, filthy noises coming out of your mouth every time seokmin’s length hit the back of your throat. you cursed your gag reflex, unable to control the vulgar sounds of gagging and choking, your saliva trailing down your chin and all over his swollen member.

it turns out, seokmin thought it was fucking sexy when you choked on his cock. he twiched every time you sunk further into him, taking him deep into your throat. his hands pulled at your hair, groaning and cursing under his breath. “f-fuck baby, r-right there, that f-feels so fucking g-good. if you keep d-doing that, you’re g-gonna make me f-fucking cum.”

the thought of seokmin unloading into your mouth only aroused you even more, as you quickened your pace, tears definitely trickling down your face, but you were too occupied to even care. your jaw ached and your lips were swollen, but you were so determined to take in all of seokmin’s load, craving to taste him. seok couldn’t help but thrust into your mouth a couple of times, his cock slamming into the back of your throat as you tried to muffle the lewd noises you were making. he thrust into you one last time, gripping your hair as you felt a rush of warm, salty, liquid fill your mouth. you swallowed, licking up every last bit that might have spilled out during his release.

you scooted your way up to meet seokmin’s lips, looking like an absolute mess, doused in sweat and arousal. the both of you were exhausted, still unsatisfied, desperate for more. seokmin pulled you in, his teeth tugging on your bottom lip, as he fervently kissed you over and over again. “s-seok,” you let out a breathy moan as he sucked dark, purple love bites all over your neck. “i n-need you i-inside me, p-please.”

“you want me to fuck you, baby?” he groaned, hovering over you, looking at you with hooded eyes filled with an insatiable lust that only you could satisfy. you nodded, pulling on the hem of his shirt, motioning for him to take it off.  he shrugged it off, but before you could get to taking yours off, he pushes the fabric up instead, exposing your bare breasts covered in bite marks and bruises. “keep the shirt on,” seok muttered under his breath, his hands tracing over your bruised nipples. “you look so fucking hot in my clothes.”

he reached over to grab his wallet, taking out a thin slip of foil from the folds. but before he could open it you stopped him, seok shooting you a confused look. “no condom? i mean i’m clean, but you want me to pull out?” you rolled your eyes as you tossed the condom onto his nightstand. “seok, remember how you take me to the doctor every three months? i’m on the shot and i’m clean too,” you reminded him, pulling him down to press a soft, lingering kiss on his lips before murmuring, “so are you gonna cum in me, or what?”

seokmin bit his lip, your words riling him up. he slipped a hand under your head, keeping it steady as he kissed you, his tongue intertwining with yours. you squirmed under him, your fingers raking red marks down his back. he pulled away to rub his length against your wet folds, covering the head of his cock in your dripping juices. you whimpered, wrapping your legs around seok’s waist as he thrust into you, your walls clenching around him. seokmin groaned, burying his face into the crook of your neck as he began to pump himself in and out of you.

“f-fuck, y/n, you’re so fucking tight for me, baby, your cute, little pussy feels so fucking good wrapped around me,” seok murmured into your neck as you let out whines of pleasure, unable to stop yourself.

seok’s thrusts got harder and faster, pounding deep into your pussy, as you jerked your hips against his, finding the perfect rhythm between you two, his cock hitting the most sensitive spots inside of you. “f-fuck yes, seokmin! that’s s-so fucking good, f-fuck, right there, m-more, p-please, fuck,” you cried out, as he filled you up in the best way possible, the two of you sharing sloppy, wet kisses, the sounds of hot, skin slapping and seokmin’s groans ringing in your ears.

your eyes rolled to the back of your head, stars dancing around in your mind as seokmin reach between your legs, pressing his thumb onto your clit as your fingers dug into his back. “f-fuck, s-seok i’m a-almost t-there,” you whimpered, your throat drying out and voice raspy, feeling your core tighten around seok’s length.

“b-baby, i’m c-close too, f-fuck! i’m g-gonna cum i-inside you, yeah? you w-want me to stuff your p-pretty little pussy full of my cum?” he stuttered, pounding himself deeper and harder, burying himself into your neck.

“p-please, s-seok,” you begged, “c-cum inside me,” and so he did, seokmin thrusting into you as his hot, sticky, fluid filled you, as you two both rode out your highs. your legs were still shaking, as seokmin pulled out his cock to see his cum drip out of you, taking his fingers to gather some of it before it fell onto his sheets. seok smirked as you took his cum soaked fingers into your mouth, sucking and cleaning them off. “fuck, baby, i didn’t know you were so kinky?” he grinned, pressing a soft kiss to your lips, as you rolled your eyes, your cheeks turning the slightest shade of rose.

the two of you were laying in bed, yet to clean up and still barely clothed, legs intertwined and your head against his chest. you both were still in a dazed state of happiness, seokmin’s fingers stroking your hair, peppering little kisses on your forehead.

“this is so cliche, y/n but i swear to god i think i’m in love with you.” he mumbled, your eyes fluttering open to look at him.

“since when?”

“i think it was that one time i hit you in the head with a baseball and you purposely tripped me in the middle of my game.”

“seok, that was like third grade.”

“then i guess you can say i’ve spent my entire life loving you, yeah?” he grinned as you rolled your eyes, planting a soft kiss on his lips. somewhere along the way, you realized that you had everything you ever needed, right in front of you.

“i’m in love with you too, you dumbass.” you whispered in between kisses, your thumb tracing circles on his cheek.

“hey, but at least now i’m your dumbass, right?”

[josephmozzerellaswife-blog]

Expecting the Unexpected Part 4

IM SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY! I have been slammed with school and work so I’ve barely had time to write! Luckily I was sick for the past couple days and finally got to finish it. I hope you all LOVE it as much as i loved writing it for you all.

Warnings: fluff, angst, childhood illness, SMUT (at the end)

Word Count: 6500+

Summary: When Joe gets back from his recent business trip he notices something is up with your new little one. Can an urgent ER trip change your lives for good?

That night was even worse. Every couple hours Scarlet’s walling would jolt you both out of your sleep, her cries crushing your hearts with each beat. You turned to your phone for the time, 3:47 am.

“It’s my turn, I’ll go try to calm her down again.”

Joe was so strong through all of this and you never understood how. He had his breaking moments, but never let you feel like you were alone, his constant reminder that you all were going to get through this. Scarlet was going to win this battle.

He was persistent about you staying in bed. Not only did you watch Scarlet constantly during her treatment the day before but Joe knew that you weren’t eating because of your anxiety. His worries only grew as you continue to push aside your health for Scarlet. Of course he understands why you’re doing it, you can’t help, it but he just wants you to be healthy.

The last thing you remember was Joe crawling back into bed as he wrapped his arms around your waist, placing a light peck against your forehead.

“I love you Y/N. It’s crazy how much I love you, you know that?”

“What’s crazier is that I love you even more.” you whispered in a daze, your eyes quickly getting heavier by the minute.

“Not possible my love. You are my everything and more. The both of you.”

He kissed you passionately against your lips, his soft lips melting into yours, each time falling deeper and deeper into him. He was such a tease but you were both so tired that this was all you needed. Each other. Him holding you. Falling asleep in his arms.

The warm sunshine woke you from your well needed rest. The only thing missing was Joey but you figured he just went to check on Scarlet. A quick buzz of your phone drew your attention as the screen lit up.

“Joe Mazzello leaves Oscars in a hurry. What’s actually going on and is there another “hospital visit” in store?”

Normally you would be furious at the press but your worries were easily redirected to the bigger picture. Scarlet. You always knew that dating Joe would bring unnecessary attention to your life but you could care less about the media. Joe was your true love, your soulmate, he was everything to you and more. A little press wasn’t going to change that. Then came marriage and little Scarlet. Everything was falling into place and the media was there to share it the whole time. Even when the press angered you, Joe was there to remind you that nothing else mattered to him but you. Only you.

After browsing through the various press releases about your husband and his ‘dramatic’ exit, you finally brought yourself to stumble out of bed. Not so gracefully throwing on one of Joe’s hoodies, you made your way down the hall to Scarlet’s room only to find your adorable husband asleep while swaddling your precious little one. Their snores, although cute, bounced off the walls into an echo. You couldn’t help but laugh. Scarlet was a perfect mix of you both but she has the best of Joe’s personality. You threw on a fuzzy blanket over Joey’s legs and cracked the door open ever so slightly, trying to avoid waking your sleepy family.

You threw yourself into your husband’s spot on the couch and clicked on one of the movies Joe always kept in the dvd player, “It’s a Wonderful Life”. It was always one of your favorites but Joe opened a new view of the movie to you. His experience with film making and acting always made movies so much more magical to you. Visiting on set, dress rehearsals, press tours, everything that went along with the movie was a new experience. You always tried your best to have these experiences with Joe. Undrafted was the first time you both got the chance to do it together as a married couple. He always took you with him for interviews, showings, even most of the filming days.

A familiar buzz took you from the memory as you glanced to the coffee table, it was Gwilym.

Morning Y/N, I tried to reach Joe but didn’t get an answer. We were all just wondering if you all would like to go out for some tea later, say about noon? We both know how much Joe loves a good afternoon tea, or literally anytime he can have it. It’s just a little something for us to show our support, plus it’s been a while and we’d love to catch up! Kisses to Scarlet for me! X

You were very quick to reply. Whenever you could hang out with the gang, you always took the invitation. Plus Joe could use some quality time with his friends and you really just wanted to take your mind off of things and talk with Lucy.

Of course Gwil! We’d love to. The Huntington Rose Garden Tea Room is our favorite in the area! Please tell me you’re bringing that lovely fiancé of yours, Lucy and I need another girl to talk with.

Yes she is! I take her everywhere after all. She’s dying to meet the little one! Hopefully she’s not feeling to bad. I am so so sorry about everything that’s happened. Just know that we are all here for you guys if you need anything!

Thank you Gwil that’s very kind of you all. See you at noon!

Time felt like it flew by. It was about 10am when you heard footsteps coming from around the corner.

“Good morning my love. Someone felt a little ill so I slept in the rocking chair last night.” he mumbled, rubbing circles into his eyes.

“I saw. All I have to say is how did I get so lucky to have a sexy, multi-talented husband who cares for his child and wife while dropping everything to be with them. You really are my knight in shinning armor Mazzello, you know that?”

His eyes couldn’t leave your face, your body. His gaze grew deeper into yours, falling in love with you more than he ever thought possible. He inched closer to you by the second, his lips soon locked to yours. Joe set the sleepy child into her portable crib he assembled the day before. He swiftly twirled you back into his arms, your lips interlocked again. You pushed him into the couch, quick to hover over him as your touch remained constant. His hands sliding down your back as you inched closer to each other.

“You drive me absolutely insane Y/N.”

“Funny, I was about to say the same thing as you.”

Your touch never left his body, the distance from each of you nonexistent. If it weren’t for the little one right across the room you knew for sure it would have been more than a steamy make out session.

“You’re such a tease Mazzello.”

“I am? Speak for yourself.”

You both fell into simultaneous giggles, your head leaning against his chest as he stroked your hair.

“I could do this everyday. Just you and me. On this couch. But a little more-“

“Watch it Joe. Baby in the room.”

His gaze grew deeper into yours as a smile creeped along his face.

“Well, you already know then don’t you.”

“I have an... idea I suppose.” you said, a wink shooting in your husband direction.

“God the things I could do to you.”

“Joey!”

“What. It’s true.”

“Ugggh, you tease.”

His playful smile soon fell to yours in a slow, passion filled kiss. It was true that Joe always felt like home. Even if it wasn’t New York, whenever you were with Joe you always felt safe. Nothing was ever gonna happen to his favorite girls after all.

“I almost forgot. Gwil texted earlier, invited us to afternoon tea with the whole gang.”

“Your joking.” he said, barely hiding the excitement in his eyes.

“Am not. Told him we’d bring the whole fam. After all, it’s been a while since we’ve taken Scarlet out and it could does us all some good to get out of this apartment.”

“I love you.”

“I love you to Joey.”

He placed a kiss against your forehead as he continued to rub your arm.

“I’m glad you’re here. With me. I don’t know what I would do if I never meet you all those years ago. Tom really did do his magic didn’t he.”

You giggled. Tom Hanks was originally the one who introduced the two of you. You weren’t an actress but he was a family friend and knew about your love for film. He insisted you come to set and even offered you a role as an extra for the end of the shoot.

“I couldn’t Tom. I’m not even an actress.”

“Come on Y/N I know you’d love it!”

As much as you wanted to say no a cute, fiery redhead walking this way had other ideas.

“Oh you have to take the part. A gorgeous girl like you can’t just be sitting on the sidelines. You’d be perfect!” he said, his eyes fighting to stay on yours.

“Y/N this is Joe Mazzello. He plays Eugene.”

Your face instantly flushed a deep shade of pink as you saw Tom’s smile grow from ear to ear out of the corner of your eye.

“I’ll leave you two to talk.”

“So what’s a gorgeous girl like you saying no to Tom Hanks?”

“Oh Tom is just a family friend. I’m no actress.”

“I beg to differ. With that personality you could do anything.”

“Anything?”

He smiled. You could tell that even though he came on strong, deep down he was really shy and judging by the group of men whispering from a far, this seemed to be a big step for him.

“Well I was wondering if uh- you wanted to uh-“ he stumbled over his words, the confidence he had quickly turning into his shy persona again.

“Get coffee sometime?” you giggled.

“Really? You want to go out with me?”

“I don’t see why not. You are very sweet.”

He blushed before your turned to give him your number. Little did you know, that the part Tom has planned for you was to dance with Joe’s character at the end of the final episode. Even though it was cut from the show, Tom had planned for you to meet Joe the whole time. When he spoke at your wedding along side Steven Spielberg, they mentioned how one day they were talking about the two of you and noticed how similar of a chemistry you both had. Ever since then you’ve been together and you both owe it all to those lovely men.

Joe noticed how you were day dreaming. He could only wonder what you could possibly be thinking about. He loved how that intelligent brain of yours worked. When he looked at you again he noticed you dozed off. Considering that you were laying on top of him, he just held you tight, never letting go. He always felt the need to let you know how much he loved you.

You were both soon woken up by the small cries of your ill child from across the room. It hurt you to see Scarlet in such discomfort. Even though she wasn’t throwing up anymore and most of the hard side-effects had worn off by now, you could still tell she wasn’t her best. You grabbed her medicine off the counter and swopped her up to breastfeed. It was only a few more hours before you left and you didn’t want her to be cranky considering it would be the first time you all hung out in a while. You quickly swaddled her before laying back next to Joe to feed her.

“You’re amazing. I honestly don’t know how you do it.” he smiled.

He always knew you would be a fantastic mother. He could tell just by the first time you both spoke about having children, the tone of passion and excitement in your voice.

Joe offered to finish cleaning up Scarlet so you could go and start to get ready. Bless that man. You decided to go with something simple and just throw on some jeans and a comfy sweater. You were just about to leave the bathroom when you looked in the mirror,

“Yikes. Looks like I didn’t get very much sleep last night after all.”

You quickly powdered your faces and threw on some sloppy concealer just to cover your under eyes before heading down the hall to Scarlet’s room.

“Joey honey go get ready, I can get her dressed.”

“I’d love to but you know this is my favorite part.”

You both laughed in unison. It was true, Joe was quite the fashionista when it came to baby clothes.

“Ok well I’m on baby duty when you’re done Mazzello. We are running late.”

“Yes ma’am.”

God he always knew just how to make you laugh.

You swooped the baby from his arms as you pointed to the bedroom door, obviously trying to hold in your giggles. You slowly rocked your little one as you sang one of her favorite songs, trying to get that cute little smile out of her.

I was born to love you

With every single beat of my heart

Yes I was born to take care of you

Every single day of my life

It didn’t take very long for her sweet, gentle eyes to light up across her face.

“How did mommy ever get so lucky to be blessed with you and daddy?”

Little did you know, Joe was standing in the doorway all jazzed up and snapping pictures of the two of you.

“Have you been there the whole time?”

“Most of it. We’re gonna be late but I could stand here and watch you all day.” he giggled, a tear running from his eye.

“Aww love, don’t cry.” tears were quickly forming in your eyes.

“You both are just so incredible. I don’t know who i’d be without you.”

He encased you in his arms, his chin resting on your head while one hand wrapped around your waist and the other on Scarlet’s head. You wish the moments like these could last forever. While you rushed out the door and got Scarlet all situated in her car seat, Joe made sure that everything you might need was in her diaper bag and quickly followed you.

It was about a 45 minute drive to the tea room and Scarlet slept for most of the car ride, although both Joe and your singing might have woken her up a few times. Thankfully she was in a great mood.

“I’m so glad we get to do this. I know how much you’ve wanted to do something like this since the diagnosis.”

“I’m just glad I get to do it with you. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner to spend the rest of my life with.” the tears slowly began to fill your eyes.

“Aww baby don’t cry. I know it’s been tough but I will always be here every step of the way, through everything, not just this.”

“I love everything about you Joey. Even your snores no matter how many times I have to nudge you at night.” Your tears soon turned to laughter before you both got out of the car.

The paparazzi had been following your car for the past 15 minutes so you already knew what to expect. Joe had quickly unbuckled Scarlet and swaddled her in the blanket before he came around the car to grab your hand. Thankfully Ben had come outside to help escort you both past the outrageous amount of cameras.

“Seems like you three are quite the popular bunch.” Ben joked.

“To bad it’s just to find out about if we are doing our jobs as parents right.” you muttered.

Joe placed his hand against your low back, slowing rubbing up and down.

“Are you crazy? Obviously you both are the best parents. Everyone knows it, even the paps.” Gwil chimed in.

“Uggh it’s just frustrating. I know i’m not supposed to care what they think but this is mine and Joe’s child they are talking about.”

Joe could tell you were getting upset just by the way you were holding his hand.

“Why don’t we go find our table yeah?” Joe implied, looking to Ben.

Ben noticed what Joe was trying to do.

“Hey Y/N/N, you mind if I pull Joe aside really quick.” Ben asked.

“You don’t have to ask silly.” you smiled, taking the baby from Joe’s arms.

“Besides I think everyone is dying to see Scarlet anyway.”

As you walked away from the two handsome men, you were greeted by Rami, Lucy and Gwilym’s fiancé who you had met a couple times before.

“Oh my gosh Y/N has she grow already since the last time we saw her? It’s only been a few weeks!” Lucy exclaimed.

“I know she is growing like crazy lately. It makes mommy a little sad doesn’t it sweetie.” you say, as you direct your attention to your daughter who Gwil was now holding.

“She better stop growing, otherwise I won’t get to call her my little squirt anymore!” Rami laughed while Lucy nudged his arm playfully.

You noticed that Joe had been gone for a while now and it was starting to worry you. What could he possibly be planning? Was he ok? Your anxiety was starting to get the best of you after the encounter you had not long before.

“Excuse me for just a moment, I’m gonna go to the ladies room. Lu do you mind watching Scarlet for a minute?” you said as your worried expression was painted across your face.

“Sure love! Scarlet loves her auntie Lucy time huh little one?” she said as she let your little one hold her finger.

As you got up Gwil noticed a tear running down your cheek. He looked to his fiancé with a concerned look on his face,

“Love would you go check on her? I think she’s having a rough time with all of this.”

Gwil had told her about everything Joe had said the night before so she was somewhat caught up to speed.

“Of course, I can’t imagine any of this being easy for them.”

Just as she began to walk away Joe and Ben had entered the private room to join the rest of the group. Joe scanned the room for you after noticing Scarlet was with Lucy.

“Where’s Y/N?”

“Oh she just went to the restroom, she should be back in a second.” Lucy said, but something still seemed a little off to Joe considering the way you stayed close to him earlier.

“Joe-“ Gwil whispered, trying to get Joe’s attention.

He looked to Gwil instantly. Maybe he knew something?

“I noticed Y/N starting to get upset before she left so my fiancé went to check on her. Is everything all right?”

Joe hesitated. He didn’t know if he should tell him or not but Gwil was one of his best friends and Rami and Ben already knew.

“She’s been having a rough time. Her anxiety hasn’t been the best lately and it’s been hard for us with the whole diagnosis and all.” He looked to Scarlet, holding in whatever tears he had left.

“Joe I- I had no idea man. I’m sorry.” he could tell Gwil felt bad for asking, it was a touchy subject after all.

“No Gwil it’s ok. We appreciate everything all of you have done for us. It’s been hard and it’s not going to get any easier but with all of you supporting us it’s been very helpful. We can’t thank you guys enough.”

He smiled resting his hand on Gwil’s shoulder.

“I’m gonna go check on Y/N and see if she’s alright.”

Joe couldn’t get up from his seat any faster, his worries about you growing with every step.

You heard a knock on the door as you were crying into Gwilym’s fiancé’s shoulder.

“Who is it?” she said, trying to hand you more tissues.

“It’s Joe. Honey are you okay?”

You looked up from her shoulder.

“Baby please come in.” you managed to spit out between sobs.

He swiftly opened the door encasing you in his arms.

“Love oh no. Are you alright?”

“I’ll give you some privacy.” she said before leaving the room.

“Joe I thought I could do this. I really did. It’s just so much all at once and with the paparazzi and all eyes are on us right now. It’s just a lot. I don’t want to leave, I want to be here with our friends but I just needed a minute. I’m sorry i’m such a mess, you shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

“Y/N/N don’t you ever say something like that. Don’t apologize for something you can’t control love. I want to be here for you. I want YOU. You are the only thing I care about right now.”

His words comforted you along with his warm touch. You needed him so bad right now and you couldn’t understand why. It only took you a couple more minutes to calm down from your anxiety attack. Joe always knew how to help you through them. You pulled yourself together and Joe held your hand as he guided you both back to the table.

“Sorry for that. Just needed a moment.” you apologized.

“No need to apologize Y/N. We’re all here for you guys.” Ben explained.

It was obvious that everyone knew what was going on by now and an instant relief flew through your body. Everyone important to you both knew. Now the only thing left was the world but it’s definitely not the time for that. You smiled over to Gwil’s fiancé and mouthed a quick ‘thank you’ as she smiled.

“So how has everyone been? I know everyone has been quite busy lately.” you pointed out.

“Well 6 Underground has been a blast! We’re almost wrapped too! One production is finished you bet i’m gonna be at your house all the time to watch that little one of yours.” Ben winked to you, something seemed a little suspicious but you couldn’t quite put a finger on it yet.

“And I’ve just done a finally press tour for Top End Wedding! Movie weddings are fun and all but I can’t wait to experience the real thing soon.” Gwil smiled as he wrapped his arm around his fiancé.

“Rami and I have been doing a lot of traveling lately. See the world together. It’s been great fun.” Lucy turned to kiss Rami on the cheek.

“That’s fantastic! We’re glad you all are doing so well. We missed you guys like crazy.” you laughed.

“We missed you guys too. Especially last night.” Rami explained.

“Congratulations by the way Mr. Academy Award winner.” Joe nudged his shoulder.

“You could say that. I couldn’t have done it without all of you. Even you little squirt.” Rami smiled, looking to the small child resting in his girlfriends arms. He tickled the little girl until her giggles flooded the room causing everyone to laugh along.

You adored how much everyone loved Scarlet. There was never a doubt in your mind that they wouldn’t love her even if she was born right before BoRhap’s big premiere.

The rest of the afternoon was wonderful. Everyone chatted about what was going on in their lives and all the new upcoming projects. Scarlet was definitely getting all the attention no doubt. Everyone insisted on holding her and giving her all the cuddles in the world. It was way past her nap time so when she fell asleep in Ben’s arms he looked a little scared.

“Uhh Joe mate. What did I do?”

“Nothing Ben.” he said while everyone continued to laugh,

“She just fell asleep. It’s way past her first nap.”

Joe took her from Ben to relieve him of his baby duties while everyone else finished their tea and conversations.

It wasn’t long after that when everyone said their goodbyes and loved on your little one for the last time. Except for Ben. Something was definitely going on. Maybe this was what he pulled Joe aside for?

As the paparazzi scrambled to photograph everyone leaving, there was one in particular trying to catch shots of your little one before Ben got into the car.

“Hey buzz off mate. Don’t you know what boundaries are?” Ben threatened the man still shoving his camera towards your child’s face.

Joe was quick to step in, keeping you close behind him before helping you into the car after Ben had Scarlet situated.

“Babe what’s going on?” you questioned, puzzled by the blonde sitting directly behind you.

“I may have a little something up my sleeve planned for tonight.”

Your puzzled expression quickly grew into a smile. He always planned the best surprises.

“Oh is that so?” you teased, having an idea of what might happen tonight.

“What can I say. I’m full of surprises.”

“You don’t fool me one bit Mazzello.”

He smiled at you placing a kiss to your lips before getting into his side of the car.

On your way home, you noticed that Joe had missed the exit to go back to Ben’s hotel. You figured that was on purpose based upon the quiet giggles and smirks the two men had exchanged while passing it.

“What in the world are you two planning?”

“What are you talking about Y/N? I just asked Joe if he could drive me back to your apartment because I forgot some stuff there.” Ben explained, but something still seemed suspicious.

If Ben really had left something there, wouldn’t he have texted Joe about it before we left?

“If you say so.” you smirked.

This left the boys with a puzzled look on their faces. Did you already know what they had planned?

By the time you drove into the driveway, Scarlet was already asleep for her late nap so Ben had no problems switching her from the car seat to his arms. Joe helped you out of your side of the car and his hand quickly interlocked with yours as you both followed not to far behind Ben and the baby.

When everyone went inside, you noticed a suitcase had already been packed and was sitting by the front door. Trying to avoid anymore questions you simply just plopped down on the couch and flicked on one of your favorite tv programs.

“Babe I’m just gonna uh- grab something really quick i’ll be back.” Joe fumbled over his words as he looked to Ben.

He swiftly stammered down the hall and Ben day himself next to you on the couch.

“Any plans for tonight?” he said with an anxious tone to his voice.

“Nothing that I know of. Just another night in.”

Ben was quick to react to your words, a smile plastered across his face just as you said them.

You hadn’t even noticed Joe had come back into the room until you felt his warm touch slide across your arm.

“Love wanna come with me for a drive? I have to run and go pick something up.” he stuttered.

“Where to?”

“Oh it’s nothing just a few errands. Ben can watch the baby right?”

“Oh sure, I don’t see why not.”

You could clearly see right through Ben. He knew something you didn’t.

“Is love to go babe. After all your next project is coming up soon.”

Joe swiped the keys off the counter as you quickly went over to give Scarlet hugs.

“Momma will be back later ok sweetie. We love you.” you said as you kissed her forehead.

Just as you were walking out the door you noticed Joe grab the suitcase that was still sitting by the front door. He not so secretly threw it in the back of the car before helping you into your seat. He swiftly ran around the car and jumped into the driver’s side before handing you the aux cord.

“Anything you want love.” he offered.

“Anything?” you teased, hoping he might have an idea of the song you would pick.

You clicked on your favorite Elton John song The One and a smile lit up across Joe’s face. You always sing this to him when he is feeling down or upset about something because it perfectly describe what Joe is to you.

When stars collide like you and I

No shadows block the sun

You’re all I’ve ever needed

Baby you’re the one

The whole way to this “errand run” was filled with all your favorite artists and songs. The only thing that confused you was when Joe changed one of he songs that came on, Get Down, Make Love by Queen. He never said changes songs from your playlists ESPECIALLY Queen songs because he knows they are one of your favorites.

“Something wrong love?” you asked, your hand soon laying on his. You couldn’t take it anymore, What in the world was going on?

“Joe what’s going on? You’ve been acting weird since we left the tea room today.”

“Nothing. It’s uh- a surprise.”

Just as he said that, you pulled into the most fabulous hotel covered in golden, bright lights and fancy architecture.

“You didn’t.”

“I told you I had something up my sleeve.” he smirked, shooting a sly wink in your direction.

“So I’m guessing that’s what the suitcase is for?” you giggled.

“I may have called someone to pack us a bag.”

“And Ben? Is this why he pulled you aside earlier?”

“He asked if we wanted a day just for us so I called and made some reservations.”

“Well you did a damn good job of hiding it Mazzello. It’s almost like you’re an actor or something.”

You both flooded the car with laughter.

“Almost huh?”

You both got out of the car and Joe grabbed the suitcase out of the back before grabbing your waist to twirl you around.

“A night all to ourselves!” you screamed.

Don’t get me wrong you both love Scarlet with everything you have but it’s been so long since you’ve both had the night alone.

“After you my love.” Joe said, gesturing you inside as he held the door.

His hand never left your side the whole time, constantly keeping his touch to your body known.

“I have a reservation under Mazzello.”

The lady shot you a quick, jealous look before bringing her eyes back to Joe.

“Of course. Top floor.”

“Top floor! Joe I-“ you loudly tried to whisper to Joe.

“Hey. No ruining the surprise before we get up there.”

“What do you mean? I thought this was the surprise?”

“Oh like all I was gonna do was take you to a fancy hotel for the night. Someone has to make up for this morning.” he teased before placing a sweet kiss against your lips.

“What do you mean-“ Then it hit you.

“Oh so that’s what’s going on here. Let’s just say we’re gonna have a fun night then.” you teased right back.

When you walked into the gigantic room, or should you say suite, your mind was blown.

“Joe this is absolutely gorgeous! How did you even find this place?”

“Let’s just say a friend recommended it to me.”

“Ben?”

“Nooooooo.” he said trying not to laugh, but it was pretty obvious by then.

Then you noticed the bed. Boy was that gonna be some fun later. It was blanketed in hundreds of rose petals, all which were making the room smell incredible.

“You’ve really outdone yourself here Joe. You didn’t have to do all this for me.”

“I did. You’re my wife and I love every inch of you, you’ll find out just how much later.” he winked, god he drove you absolutely insane.

“Oh will I?”

He nodded before swooping you off your feet and pinning you against the bed.

“Why wait?”

He lifted you up before you grabbed his shirt and threw it off his body. His lips pressed against yours, slowly making their way down to your neck.

“You wouldn’t happen to need this would you?” he said pointing to your shirt.

Your face quick to say no as your hands continued to entangle in Joe’s fluffy red hair. His hands make their way down to your waist when you feel your pants become loose as Joe pulls them off.

“Little eager are we?”

“With all the teasing that happened today? Most definitely.” he said, your hot bodies resting against each other.

Your panties became so wet after that comment, that burning sensation you needed from your husband pounding you against the bed. You went to slide them off before Joe stopped you.

“No No. Those are for me.”

His hands soon met your waist again after trailing their way from your breasts, pulling off your filthy, wet garments. His hand brushing the inside of your thigh, the throbbing from your desperate clit increasing. You pulled him closer, his chest against yours.

“Give me your best Mazzello.”

“Don’t I always.” he smirked before whipping out his long length. 

He gave it a few pumps before brushing it against your folds, pushing into your chamber. He covered your mouth to hide your loud moans, his soon to follow. He slowly pumped himself into you, easing you into your orgasm. Your nails digging deeper into Joe’s back.

“Babe your so tight around me.” Your moans now louder as he increased his speed, rocking the bed against the wall.

“Joe i’m so close.”

“Cum for me baby.”

His words sent you over the edge as you hit the peak of your high, his thrusts slowing to string you along through it. His lips meeting yours as he made his way down to your neck, sucking a purple mark into it. His hands had you pinned to the bed, his length still pumping into your slick folds. You roll over on top of him, guiding him into his orgasm. You loved the way you felt when his cum filled you up. Both of you breathing heavy as you come down from your highs. You throw yourself back down next to him on the bed.

“That was incredible.”

“Let’s never wait this long again.” he smiled.

“Round two?” you begged as your eyes met his.

“As much as I would love to fuck you all night, I had more planned for tonight.” You smiled as your hand brushed his cheek, your lips placing a kiss upon it.

“You’re absolutely perfect. You drive me insane and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.” You slowly intertwined your legs with his, your head falling upon his chest as you hear the steady beat of his heart grow quick.

“I don’t know how I ever lived my life without you.” He placed a tender kiss against your scalp.

You pushed yourself off the bed and wandered over to the suitcase that barely made it through the door. Quickly rummaging through it, you found one of your favorite dresses to wear on date night. It was a short cocktail dress that flowed just above the knees and hung off your shoulders, the entire dress then blanketed in a thin lace. Not only was it your favorite, but Joe’s too.

“Such a fancy dress, what’s the occasion?

“You’ll find out.” he smirked before approaching you, twirling you into his arms, his hold on you ever so tight.

You shuffled to the bathroom to throw on your outfit with the strappy heels that were pack for you along with some subtle makeup. You weren’t one to go all out with your makeup but considering how the night was going so far, you wanted to make it special. 

By the time you were done getting ready Joe had already changed into your favorite dress shirt of his with black slacks, your clutch in his hand ready for you to grab.

“After you my love.” he gestured towards the door.

You barely made it out the door before he smacked your ass and you giggled like a little school girl.

“Joseph!”

“What? You’re such a tease little lady! I can’t help myself.”

He ended up taking you to The Grove first so you could pick up a few books that Joe had noticed you had wanted over the past few weeks and then to one of your favorite clothing stores in LA.

“Joe this is too much. I don’t deserve all this.”

“Are you crazy! Not only are you the most incredible human being, but you are the most amazing mother and wife through all of these unfortunate events happening to us lately. I owe you the world love.” His words sent you to tears, your head falling against his chest.

“Joe I-“ he left you speechless, his hand gently rubbing your back as the other played with your hair. His lips fell to yours, falling deeper in love with him by the second.

Dinner was next on his agenda and he took you to the most gorgeous and lavish restaurant in town. You hadn’t even noticed that the paparazzi had been following the two of you around until Joe had to tell them off a couple of times while leaving the place.

Your night ended with a steamy shower session and throwing on some of Joe’s pjs before hoping into bed.

“Today was absolutely incredible babe. Thank you so much.” you pleaded, your head deep into one of the new books Joe had bought you earlier.

He plopped himself into the spot next to you, his arm quickly wrapped around you.

“You deserve it my love. You deserve it all.” He turned to place a kiss against your temple before you met him in the middle, your lips pressing against his, falling deeper by the minute. You could have fell asleep lying against him until your phone vibrated against the side table.

“Joe Mazzello and wife Y/N Mazzello seen without the little one. Are they abandoning their sick baby just for a fun night out on the town?” 

A tear fell from you eyes as Joe sat up from his position on the bed.

“That’s it! We need to tell the world Y/N. I’m sick of everyone bashing us, bashing you, for something that they don’t even know about.”

“I agree. The world needs to know, but how are we supposed to tell them?” Your words calmed him as you both laid back into the heart shaped bed, your head resting against his chest. You could feel the pacing rise and fall of his chest.

“We are going to figure this out Joey. Everything will be ok.”

He looked to you before breaking down, tears slipping from his cheeks. He wasn’t crying from sadness though, it was almost a relief for him. The world needed to find out, and it was going to be soon.

Taglist: 

@onehystericalqueeen @sevenseasofky @queens-n-roses @soberandfurious @toger-raylor @sincereleygmg @mrsmazzello @myfreakydeaky @readdyyfreddie @mr-stank-i-dont-feel-so-dank @misterbrianmay @heartsarecompatible @ixchel-9275 @benmeadowstaylor @slutfordeacy-mazello @winnielinleigh @everybodyplaythegame @radioxtaylor @deakyspuff @okiegirl24 @imagines-xxx @classypaintercolorcowboy @super-heros-are-my-life @brookecarney1 @florenceivy @rogersradio

Thank you all for being so patient!! I have school testing for the next month so I’ve been slammed. I hope you all enjoyed!❤️ Don't forget that my requests are ALWAYS open!!

[imagineredwood]

Request: “A Jax Teller request please? Y/N is Jax’s old lady and they have a one year old together. Y/N and the baby are at home one day and someone breaks in and threatens them.”

Pairing: Jax Teller/reader 

Warnings: Threats of violence/death, language 

Word count: 1,788

***I tried to take this one in a different direction so it wasn’t the same reason for the break-in as my other stories. Obviously doesn’t follow in line perfectly with the show since it is a different storyline from the show :)***

“You sure you’ll be home for dinner? I don’t want to cook and then it sits there getting cold and you have to heat it up.” 

Jax finished adjusting his kutte before walking up to you and taking you into his arms. He put one hand on the small of your back while his other hand came up to rest on the back of his son’s head as you bounced him on your hip. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to both of your foreheads, poking the tip of his son’s nose as he looked at you. 

“I’ll be home. I promise. No late night tonight. I’ll be home for dinner so we can eat together and spend the rest of the night as a family.” 

His smile was genuine as he looked at you and returned it with equal sincerity.

“Ok baby. Drive safe.” 

“I will.”

He kissed your lips and pulled away, smoothing his hand over the babies head and pointing at him. 

“You be good for mommy.” 

Your son only giggled, the same smile coming to both you and Jax’s faces. He scooped his keys up from off the counter and headed towards the door, you a few steps behind him, watching as he walked out and got onto his bike. Leaning against the doorframe, you watched as he pulled out, both you and the baby waving goodbye as he turned and drove away down the street. Closing the door, you locked both locks and adjusted your son on your hip, smiling and cooing at him as you headed towards the nursery. 

“Smells like someone needs a change huh?” 

Placing him down on the changing mat, you unbuckled his onesie and pulled it up, tucking it under his back as you blew out a breath. 

“Whew. Why couldn't you poop like this when your dad was holding you?”

You pulled the container of baby wipes off the shelf above and popped it open, pulling out 3 wipes and laying them on top of the canister. Over in the kitchen, a noise sounded, a soft thud on the floor. You stayed quiet for a moment, listening for any other noises and relaxed some when you heard none. Even still, you rushed, pulling open the straps of the diaper and wiping him with the clean area, wiping him down as well. Just as you were fastening the straps of the new diaper, you heard it again, now able to clearly recognize the sound as a shoe scuffing on the tile of the kitchen floor. You knew the sound, Jax’s sneakers made the sound every now and then when he didn’t pick up his feet enough. But Jax was gone, already probably half way to the clubhouse, and while it wouldn’t be shocking that he had to turn around and come back because he forgot something, that Harley could never sneak in anywhere. You would’ve heard him, which meant that who ever’s shoes caught the tile wasn’t Jax, and that was a problem. 

You cursed as you realized you’d left your cell on the kitchen table. Even if you’d had it, Jax probably wouldn’t have heard it over the rumble of the engine. Holding your son tightly to your chest, you quietly snuck into the master bedroom. You kissed him on the forehead and cradled him to you, your heart pounding. It was at this moment that you wished you hadn’t laughed at Jax when he said he was going to put a Glock in the bathroom sink cabinet. It would’ve come in pretty handy right about now. Even still, getting into a shootout with your son in your arms wasn’t going to happen. Sure you could tuck him somewhere safe, but what if he started to cry and they got to him. That wasn’t happening either. If someone was going to take your son, it would have to be from your cold dead fingers. 

So you stayed quiet, knowing that if you kept him cuddled, he was likely to keep quiet. Your nerves went into overdrive though as you heard someone begin to talk in the hallway, the hallway right outside of the bathroom you were hiding in. 

“I know you’re here mom. Jackson left by himself, and the baby bottle on the kitchen table is nice and warm so I know that you’re hiding in here somewhere. Why don’t you go ahead and come out and we can talk. We won’t hurt you, i promise. I give you my word.” 

If you didn’t have to be so quiet, you would’ve scoffed. As if a person that would break into the home of a mother while she’s alone with her baby would be a quality person. You maintained your silence as your son began to fidget in your grasp, no doubt hungry for that bottle on breastmilk that you’d left out on the table. Breastfeeding him now to keep him quiet was an option, but the last thing you wanted to was to get caught, breasts exposed no less. You were sure that wouldn’t bring out the best in whoever was in your home. You rocked him gently, running a hand over his head and face but he kept with the fussing, grimacing more and more until his cry wailed out, echoing in the tiny bathroom and out into the hallway of the deathly silent house. Making up your mind, you held your son tightly to your shoulder and grabbed hold of the clothing iron next to you. You took a gripped it tightly, ready to put up the fight of your life as soon as they opened the door to the bathroom closet. It only took a couple seconds for that to happen and you were more than ready, bashing the iron into the face that popped its way into your vision as the door swung open. There was a sickening sound that resulted but you didn’t have time to be bothered with that. 

You raced out of the bathroom and down the hallway towards you and Jax’s bedroom. If you could just make it to your purse, you could get your gun and put an end to all of this. You didn’t make it that far though as someone stepped out of the guest room suddenly and wrapped their arms around you from behind, a piercing scream coming from your lips. You thought fast, throwing your head back at them with all the force you had, your vision going a little fuzzy around the edges with the impact and you broke free of their grip. They cursed behind you and just as you were at your nightstand to grab your purse, you found it missing. 

Turning softly you knew you were out of options and placed your son onto the bed, your body standing in front of him, shielding him. As you turned back around, the man screamed at you, holding a hand to the front of his ski mask where the shape of his nose was at an unfamiliar angle while the other brought a gun up. 

“Stop!”

He aimed the gun at you, hand shaking in anger as another man stepped into the room, immediately placing his hand on the arm of the other one and pushing him to lower his gun. 

“Pointing a gun at a woman with a baby behind her?”

“This bitch broke my fucking nose!”

The other man, clearly the one in charge held his hands up to you, in a show of both peace and that he had no weapon. 

“Easy. We’re just here to talk.” 

You stayed quiet, your chest heaving in both fear and anger. 

“Now we’re here to talk to you and get you to pass along a message, but you’re making it real hard for me to keep my word about us not hurting you.”

You stayed silent, not wanting to take any risks if they really were not planning on hurting you. The one with the broken nose huffed and shoved his gun back into his jeans, his anger translating perfectly, even though the small holes for his eyes in the mask. He kept them trained on you, and his hand on the stock of the gun, just waiting for you to make the wrong move. The other one stepped forward and kept his hands in front where you could see them. 

“Now we’re here to talk to you. As the Queen of the mother charter, we know that you have some pull on your husband and how he runs things. We’re here to make sure you tell him that the gun trade for Southern California needs to be left to the Triad, and that we will be the only suppliers that the Sons will be purchasing from. We’ve already tried to convey that message but Jax didn’t really hold up his end of the deal, so now we had to step it up. Now a lot of my higher-ups thought that painting the inside of this house with your blood would’ve been a better message. I managed to sway them. I won't do it again. So if you want to continue living this pretty little life in peace and safety with your son and your husband, then you need to make sure that Jackson understands this deal. Otherwise,”

The man paused, his mask moving with his face in a way that told you he was smiling. 

“I’m sure these walls would look beautiful in a nice, rich red shade.” 

He was quiet for a moment, letting his words sink in as your son’s cries intensified. With that, he lifted his hands up once more and began to slowly back out of the room, bringing his partner with him. As he passed the doorway, he pointed at you, a warning tone to his voice as he spoke again. 

“We found you and snuck in once. We can, and we will do it again. Make sure your husband gets the message sweetheart.” 

And just like that they were out of the room, leaving the house as you quickly picked up your son and rocked him, looking out the window until you saw them both walk out and get into a getaway vehicle, driving off. You blew out a shaky breath and quickly went out of the room, looking desperately for your purse. You found it in the kitchen, right beside your phone and the babies milk, now cold. Putting him down into the highchair and grabbing both the gun from your purse and the phone, you dialed Jax’s number, not even giving him the chance to say hi as you started speaking once the line picked up. 

“You need to get home, now.” 

[jordan102791]

Pixie Love Note part 9

"Hey, Pix. How are you feeling?"

"I'm doing just fine. I finished talking to Tyler..."

"Yea I figured that's who he was calling. He's worried about you. We all worry about you."

"I know you do, but it can't be helped. I'm fine. I'll be fine. You guys go enjoy your last stops on the tour and I'll see you when you get home."

"All right, Amanda. Is everything all right there? I have a friend who could..."

"Jason Wulfson. I have cancer, I'm not an invalid. I can do plenty on my own still and if I can't I'll call Ralph. I'll be all right. Please stop worrying. Besides I don't need one of these punks you call friends driving out here to drop in on me."

"She's not a punk, Pix."

"She? Did you say she?"

He covered his face with his left hand knowing he'd said exactly the wrong thing to his little sister. "Yes," he sighed. "I said she. She lives nearby and asked if I wanted her to stop in, but I told her no bc I know you wouldn't want that."

"Well I don't know, a chance to get your girlfriend all to myself alone to interrogate? It might be worth it," Amanda says with the grin painted on her face clearly evident in her voice.

"She's not my girlfriend, Pix. She's just a uhh... girl... that's a friend."

"Well have you slept with her yet?" His sister was always like a terrier after any bone she could give him.

"Ugh... Amanda?" He groans out his response. "I shouldn't have to talk about my sex life with my baby sister."

"Oh please." He can practically hear her eyes rolling through the phone. "And you didn't answer the question."

"All right all right fine. Yes. I have slept with her. But just the once," he throws in.

"She must be pretty special for you to want to keep her around after the shag. She must be pretty damn good," his sister cackles at another of his embarrassed grunts. "No, but seriously Jase, I'm glad you finally found someone."

"Woah. Woah. Wait. Hold up. I didn't find anyone. We slept together, she didn't want any strings either, she left the next morning and left a phone number since we got along chatting about music and stuff. I happened to find it in my pocket and gave her a call. That's it. Nothing else. Period."

"Oh sweet Jase, it's a good thing you're pretty. I know you better than that and she's already under your skin if you're calling her."

"She certainly is not."

"Then why'd you go to her instead of the guys?"

"They were all... Busy with stuff."

"You know damn well they would have dropped everything if you needed them, don't insult them like that."

"Whatever, they were doing stuff that I didn't need to interrupt and I found her number in my jacket pocket so I used it."

"Why'd you save it?"

"Bc she wanted to talk about the music, not about the fame and she didn't try to hang around. I don't know. There was just something real to her. I never thought I'd actually use the phone number, but then it was just there and I'd dialed before I could stop myself."

"Mhmmm."

"What? Mhmmm what?"

"Oh nothing," Amanda sang.

"Whatever, I'll just offer to send one of my 'punk friends' next time."

"Oh Jase, don't be so riled up. I'm sure she's just a friend, like you said."

*****

"Shit, I'm running so late," Piper mumbles as she hops up from the couch. She snatches her keys from the counter and bolts for the door, throwing her one shoe on as she runs for the truck. The other will have to wait so that she doesn't face plant head first on the way. How could she have over slept when she knew she had to get the girls from school.

She hopped into the truck that was older than either of her children, and if she was being honest, probably more than half of her own age. But it still ran just fine, it was seldom in the shop, and much cheaper than having a monthly payment on a new one. She didn't need the flashiest, prettiest vehicle in town, she just needed something to keep her and her kids safe inside and get them from point A to point B daily. It's not like she really had two incomes coming in anyways. She knew if she needed it her mama or Shauna would help if she couldn't make ends meet, but she hated the idea of either of them spending their own money to help her. No she'd only rely on them in an emergency.

Her phone, still tucked into her pocket, gave a beep and vibrate. As tempting as it might seem, she wouldn't look at it while driving. Maybe if she got stuck at a red light, but not while driving. Frankly, she was giving herself enough anxiety driving as fast as she was without adding that distraction. She finally let up, just a bit, when she realized she'd be late, but still within a reasonable time to get the girls.

She slid into a space that had just been freed up by another parent leaving with their bundles of joy. Her youngest skipped as she held the teacher's hand, while her other daughter simply walked alongside to the truck. Piper jumped out and ran around the truck to grab Lana so they could get strapped into their seats and headed on their way back home. The text message forgotten in stories of each daughter's day.

*****

"She must be working," Wulf said to himself when it was obvious she wouldn't be replying right now. "I'll try her again later I guess." A pang of disappointment unexpectedly hit him in the chest. She hadn't sold all of his secret to the press. Not even a whisper about his sister had been in any papers or magazines. He'd been lucky that one girl hadn't heard enough of his conversation with Pix to say anything, but then he'd run straight to a practical stranger with everything. And she hadn't betrayed his trust. He hadn't even made her promise not to tell, she just hadn't all on her own. He hadn't met anyone who wasn't looking for more gossip in a long while. And someone trustworthy was a very rare quality in his world anymore.

He wasn't even sure why he wanted to talk to her now. To thank her, perhaps? He liked her and it did make him feel better that she was close if Amanda needed something until he could get home, but she was still a stranger. Someone who could destroy everything, but for some reason he couldn't explain, he wanted to tell her everything.

*****

"Shit, I forgot about that message I got earlier," Piper mumbled to herself. "I should probably make sure it wasn't anything important, but if it was they probably would have called me by now, right?" She continued warring with herself over the matter while she got the girls' stuff together for the next day and them tucked into bed. She'd look at it once she got herself into bed.

Pulling back the navy quilt over the bed, she crawled in giving a small shiver at the coldness of the sheets. She palmed her phone, swiping the lock screen. The missed message illuminating the screen. A surprised jolt ran through her body at the name atop the screen. Wulf.

Wulf: Hey

She stared at the screen until everything around her went fuzzy. What would he be texting her about? Was his sister all right? Maybe he needs her to go look in on her? She found herself more concerned for the stranger she'd never met than she would have expected herself to be. Nervous hands dashed over the keyboard.

Piper: Hey

Piper: Sorry I missed your message. Is everything ok with Amanda?

Wulf's phone buzzed and then again as he drew the phone from his pocket. A warm smile teased at his lips reading her concern about his sister. The guys, while still not their usual peppy selves, were in somewhat better spirits again. Perhaps the promise of being home to visit the band's honorary little sister soon. They were up towards the front playing each other in some video game and if he had to hazard a guess Mags was kicking all their asses. Honestly, he'd never seen a better gamer, but she'd never tell him how she'd gotten so good whenever he asked. He punched in his reply to the lovely brunette he could still envision when he closed his eyes.

Wulf: Hey, no problem. Pix is doing just fine. I was actually texting to talk to you, but figured you must be busy. No big.

Piper: Busy is definitely one way to put it ☺. I was driving when I got your message and then when I was stopped life happened and I got distracted and forgot to check it. Sorry.

Wulf: No worries. So what's up?

Piper: I just crawled into bed.

He liked the idea of her in bed. He knew at least some of the magic she could work there. The thought of her underneath him and on top of him again had him feeling suddenly too hot for the bus. Maybe he needed to take this conversation to the back for some privacy. Ding.

Piper: Work has me so wrung out this week, but we do what we must, right?

The message was like diving into a half frozen pond. He wasn't sure what shocked him more, that she hadn't been trying to come on to him or how disappointed he was that she wasn't. Wasn't he the same guy that had been ranting and raving for weeks about they all wanted more from him? Begging and pleading to get their hands on him, so their claws could sink into his money and fame? But she could have tried for fame and some quick money selling his story, but she hadn't done that. Ding.

Piper: So what's up?

Wulf: Nothing much. Just watching Mags kick all the guys' collective asses in video games. But you're tired. I can talk to you another time ☺

Piper: No, it's all right. I'm sitting down now so it's so much better already.

Piper: Mags? Is that Charlie's wife? He's the only one I remember being married? Hell yea girl, give 'em hell.

Wulf chuckled at her response. Hhe could definitely tell she could be a firecracker and would give him a run from his money given half a chance. The ease of the idea of her being around normally startled him. Why had he thought that?

Wulf: Yea, that's Charlie's wife. She's damn good. She refuses to tell me how she got so good though. 😞

Piper: Aww... Poor baby. Is she being a big meanie? Won't share her trade secrets?

Wulf found himself grinning despite himself.

Wulf: I think I sense a bit of sarcasm in that message.

Piper: You think? 😂

Wulf: Ouch. You wound me. Truly. 😂

Piper: My apologies sir

Piper: Anyways, you said you wanted to talk to me? Anything specific or just talking in general?

Wulf: Why didn't you tell anyone?

Piper: Tell anyone what?

Wulf: Any of the stuff I rambled about or Amanda. Hell, even the night we spent together.

Piper: Idk I was supposed to?

Piper: I thought that was all private stuff.

Wulf let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

Wulf: It was, is.

Wulf: Most would've sold it anyways

Piper: It's not my story to sell.

Wulf: Most wouldn't see it that way bc I told you all of that stuff.

Piper: Yes, but you told me all of that stuff in confidence. I wouldn't have shared it without you saying it was all right first.

Piper: I know what the lack of privacy can be like, on a much smaller scale of course, but still. I wouldn't wish that on you for the world ☺

Wulf: Ya know, having a friend like you may honestly be too good to be true.

Piper: I'm sorry you have such crappy options 😂

Wulf: Sugar, you're in no way, that I can see, a crappy option. Others would be lucky to play in the same league as you. I certainly am.

Wulf: Hey, when I get home, let me take you to dinner. To say thank you.

Piper bites the side of her lower lip. "What is he doing," she wonders aloud. "I thought he understood that night was just a one time deal."

Piper: I don't think that would be a good idea. Besides, no need to thank me for not being an asshole.

Wulf's brow crinkled as he read the message a few times to himself.

Wulf: Why not?

Piper: You're gonna make me say it?

Piper: I thought we decided on just one night?

Wulf sighed, sadness filling the cavity in his ice box chest.

Wulf: Yea, we did. But we're friends, right?

Piper: Yea?

Wulf: Well you go out and have dinner with your other friends sometimes don't you?

Piper: I mean I guess so

Wulf: Good. And if it makes you feel better you could just come to my house to hang out

Wulf: We can order take out and watch some TV

Wulf: Totally informal, wear your PJs or sweats if you want and just veg out. Just friends.

Wulf: And besides, Amanda really wants to meet you. And I'd like you to meet her too. Ya know, in case she needs help sometime or something.

Wulf knew he shouldn't be using his sister as a crutch, but he was desperate to see her again. To make her say yes. He wanted to know if she was all he'd remembered. If her eyes were really as clear and blue as they had seemed in each of his dreams and his fantasies. If her hair really coiled loosely and swayed in the unseen breeze. If he were just as likely to want to crash on each of the dangerous curves of her body a second, and perhaps third time. And he technically wasn't lying. Pix did say she wanted to meet her.

Piper: Idk, but I guess if you promise to behave it could be ok

Piper: I'll make sure to wear my ugliest PJs to dissuade you from pouncing on me 😂

Wulf gave a hearty laugh. He still had no idea how she could make him laugh when everyone else failed to.

Wulf: Perfect. I look forward to seeing them.

Wulf: Well I'll let you get to sleep now, but we'll figure out a time to hang out, All right? No backing out now, right?

Piper: All right, no backing out. Good night Wulf.

[shark-myths]

Folie A Deux

I promised to write FAD meta like, forever ago. It took longer than I planned. Here it is, at last.

Folie is anthemic, artistic; it’s cynicism and heartbreak all layered up in failing hope. It’s Pete saying goodbye to his band and embarking on a new life as a husband and a father. It’s Patrick finding his confidence as a showman just in time for it to turn to ash on his tongue and prompt him to remake himself utterly. It’s Joe finally feeling like he has a role in FOB and creative ownership of his own band. It’s Andy, um, drumming. Super well. Without any particular emotional interpretation on my part because Andy’s, you know, pretty content to just play with his friends.

Without further blathering, allow me to present, at long last: a rambling, tear-filled, official Tryst Theory ™ interpretation of FOB’s fourth-and-almost-final studio album.

I am always struck most by the quality of obstruction in the albums produced during the Commercial Success/’Sell Out’ era. Pete begins obscuring himself for the first time during Infinity on High and especially Folie A Deux: the lyrics become increasingly senseless, more about cleverness and sound that saying things plainly. But he’s so honest during this era too. He tells us exactly what it feels like to be him, to be so pulled apart and scrutinized and sad, to be sick on his own hope. To be sick and fuzzy, made of stuffing, and far away on way-too-many anxiety meds. We get lines that don’t make much sense on the surface, like ‘I’m not a chance, put a heat wave in your pants,’ and we get the self-aware aggression of bops like I Don’t Care.

In the previous era, Pete didn’t really know what it meant, yet—being Pete Wentz. Being so public. Being the face of the band, being the bad guy and the heel. What it would cost. Now he understands that anything he touches, or looks at, or says at loud is going to change. Once he does it, says it, thinks it, feels it, it’s out of his control. It’s owned by someone else. Even his private body, his private phone. Even his decision to defend his friend from an aggressive bouncer onstage. The brand of phone he carries, the girls he texts, who he stands next to in photos, the cities where he plays shows and the cities he does not. Now he understands that his life is not his, but something the public will use to hurt him if we get bored. This is drugstore cowboy Pete. This is a Pete grown so heavy under the weight of his own misery and bullshit that he can barely go on. This is a Pete preparing to say goodbye.

Which is a long way of saying: Folie A Deux fucks me up.

 A little history (sourced heavily from Wikipedia):

The album was recorded from July-September 2008, beginning two months after Pete and Ashlee were married, and released in December 2008, shortly after Bronx was born. They started recording ahead of schedule, without telling the label, and deliberately limited their studio time. They wanted to recapture what they had felt during Grave, when they were racing against their drained back accounts to get the album set down. They wanted that simplicity and rawness, the feeling of being mixed-up kids half living out of a van and making music that felt vibrant and essential. Patrick told AP, “There was something really interesting about that creative process when we were starting out. The more time you have, the more potential you have for excess.” (He thought he dominated Infinity and wanted to pare himself back, reign himself in, for Folir.) They tried to emulate the process and feeling of Grave as much as possible: “first-thought, best-thought.” Joe pushed to be included more in collaboration and felt like he “owned the songs a lot more. It made me really excited about contributing to Fall Out Boy and made me find my role in the band.” Pete made an effort (this is him making an effort, okay) to keep his personal life more sequestered from the writing and use more metaphor and the conceit characters speaking lines, more like a stage musical. And, perhaps true to the feeling of Grave, Pete and Patrick fought painfully and violently over the record. It was personal and artistic for everyone. They felt it was their best work.

Fans tore them apart, of course. Booing anytime they played anything off the new record. The album undersold and public reception did not match the glowing critical reviews. They tried to say something important, to talk about society and convey real messages in their music. They were publicly rebuffed. Joe told Rolling Stone, “Some of us were miserable on stage. Others were just drunk.” The reception, the struggle, cemented what Pete had already decided to do: leave the band.

(Let’s not talk about the last song of what he thought would be their last show ever during which, instead of playing Saturday with his best friends and his me-and-Pat, he had the man who named the band in the first place shave off his signature Pete Wentz hair in a symbolic ritual of fucking morning, let’s not let’s not)

(but in case you want to)

 A little cover art:

I just want you to know that Pete Wentz has the original painting of that cover in his home. IN CASE YOU THINK THAT’S RELEVANT.

This image. With Pete’s furry history. With the costumes and feeling like a zoo animal and playing the role of the heel, with the way he said in the Folie Making Of video that being perceived in media is “like wearing a costume, you’re not who you are.” With his interest especially in bears, the talk of stitches and stuffing and seams, with the Lullabye track and ‘honey is for bees silly bear’ (and Black Cards’ ‘you’re my best friend, honeycomb head’) and the whole Winnie the Pooh vibe. With the devoted companionship and singular love exhibited by Winnie the Pooh and the way he turns back into inert, lifeless stuffing when you grow too old and you forget what he really is and see him as just a toy, empty and pliable, and the way only childhood wonder and innocence can return him to life. How the cover has not just one person on it, but a bear-boy plus one: a madness shared by two. A real bear, and someone who’s just pretending, or just trying to be. What a match, what a catch.

WHAT A PETERICK MASTERPIECE THIS FUCKING ALBUM IS

The liner notes are empty, by the way. For the physical CD. The liner notes are just pictures and names of band members, then production information and thanks to ‘fans, friends, and loves.’ Nothing else. No lyrics. No record. If that’s not foreshadowing—

 And now said masterpiece itself:

1. Disloyal Order of the Water Buffaloes

Okay, so let’s take a step back and imagine for a second the decision-making process that went into writing a magnum fucking opus Peterick anthem to open the album with. Are we all on the same page here? WHAT THE FUCK, were they TRYING to kill me

This album is the fucking Holy Grail of the drug use = Patrick metaphor, and we dive right into it with this one. Boycott love. Detox just to retox. DRAW YOUR OWN HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T PARALLELS. #trysttheory

For all that Pete tried to move away from autobiographical lyrics on this album, his view of himself is plain in this song: ‘perfect boys with their perfect lives, no one wants to hear you sing about tragedy.’

The line ‘fell out of bed, butterfly bandage, but don’t worry’ brings up my theories about what dreams mean. Falling out of bed and getting hurt is a clear consequence of dreaming so hard you forgot it was just a dream (or trysting with your best friend and forgetting there could be consequences, real people you can hurt and yourself included). ‘You’ll never remember, your head is far too blurry’ ties into w.a.m.s as well as Cooperstown and the idea of being blurry-headed, impaired because you’re fucked up on love or some other drug, and making choices you’d regret, if you could remember them. Making mistakes you’ll have to live with whether you remember them or not.

(Romantically speaking, water buffaloes are disloyal: Google suggests a single male water buffalo can sire as many as 100 baby buffs in a single mating season. It seems pretty obvious throughout this album that issues of infidelity were large in Pete’s mind while writing these lyrics.)

2. I Don’t Care

This song makes me think of Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) so much. Starting over again in Mexico, friends who don’t care about you, the blues-pop bounce to it and repeating riff? Sonically, they have a lot in common.

Pete may be playing on his previous reference to Closer (‘he tastes like you only sweeter’) with the opening line here—‘say my name and his in the same breath, I dare you to say they taste the same’—which is the saddest and most painful movie about heterosexuals you will ever watch, but writing that line and putting it on Patrick’s tongue? That may be the gayest thing that happens to me all night, guys, and I’m a queer girl with a bottle of wine and a long, long Friday evening ahead of me.

This song is so much a conversation Pete is having with the world about his fame and notoriety, imo. He calls it a narcissist’s anthem but I don’t think that’s it, exactly. I think—and the music video backs me up on this—it’s a coy wink at their own reputation, all the shit people are slinging about them and Pete specifically. We get a drug reference here, too: ‘take a chance, let your body get a tolerance.’

Also, Patrick is a nun in the video. Pete put Patrick in a literal fucking habit. What more do you need to me to say to prove definitely that Pete is desperately in love with him? This. Kid. In. A. Nun’s. Habit.

3. She’s My Winona

IF THIS SONG ISN’T A DISCUSSION OF HOW PETE HAD TO REVISE HIS PETERICK AMBITIONS WHEN HE FOUND OUT ASHLEE WAS PREGNANT

(There are so many suicide references in this song I want to join Pete and the band’s manager in cheering and celebrating all over again that our boy lived to 28. You can physically feel him resigning himself to living a long life in these verses.)

‘Hell or glory, I don’t want anything in between.’ I take this line as pretty directly about him and Patrick: he doesn’t care if they go to hell and it ruins the band, he wants to take the risk, because he thinks together they could be—glory. He wants to roll the dice. (Take a chance—I’m not a chance.) And ‘then came a baby boy with long eyelashes, and daddy said “you gotta show the world the thunder.”’ In other words, he wanted hell or glory, ruination or Patrick, but then along came his son. And his priorities changed. Of course they did. True love is one thing; raising your child is another.

‘We had a good run, even I have to admit.’

(And—here’s the thing—people ask me sometimes, what I think about Pete marrying Ashlee. “Do you think he married her just because it was the right thing to do?” No. I think he believed in love and family and forever. I think Pete believed it would work. I think he wanted it to. I think that’s why the trysting, and eventually the band, stopped: because Pete tried his fucking best. I think he loved her and loved the idea of a future for himself—the first time he’s ever really imagined that. The idea of somewhere to belong, a real family, one that he felt part of. I think he wanted more than anything for it to work precisely because it was so different from what he, or anyone else, ever expected for him. He said ‘I want to marry this girl’ and he meant it. He really did intend to love her forever, as best he could, and not love anyone else if he could help it.

But those aren’t good reasons to build a whole relationship on, a marriage on. And he was a mess, and in love with Patrick too, and hated and famous and fucked. He had no privacy, limited emotional maturity, a burgeoning substance problem and no sense of himself that wasn’t dependent on what the culture and the media and his fans and his friends reflected back to him and said was true. There was no way they could be happy together under those circumstances, and he’d have stayed forever anyway, I think. His interviews about that time—when he stopped shaving, then stopped showering; when he was a drugstore cowboy stay-at-home dad, depressed and giving up—he doesn’t blame Ashlee for wanting to leave. He hated himself enough to be miserable forever, but she didn’t. So of course it fell apart.)

4. America’s Suitehearts

This commercial headfuck of a song. Jerry christ, guys, someone throw me an anchor so I can drown myself. This caricature, the monstrosity and performance of celebrity, the way the band is reduced to wrestling alter egos, painted and pretend. No one’s being subtle with this song, this video. They are showing us exactly what they mean.

‘I must confess, I’m in love with my own sins.’

DO YOU MEAN LIKE BEING IN GAY LOVE WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND

DO YOU MEAN THAT SIN?

And this verse, though ostensibly about the vagaries of fame, sounds so much like him falling in love with Patrick while Patrick is oblivious:

‘You can bow and pretend you don’t know you’re a legend. Time just hasn’t told anyone else yet. I’m sorry, I just let my love loose again.’

For so many years, Pete believed his love was something he had to apologize for. 😭 😭 😭 😭

5. Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet

Okay, fuck this, I’m done

This fucking

This

UGH

Remember the paternity rumors at the time of Ashlee’s pregnancy? Look at this whole complicated, tangled-up song about infidelity and paternity and the idea of Ashlee cheating while Pete’s cheating too. ‘Keep a calendar, this way you will always know’ [who impregnated you]. ‘I will never end up like him. behind my back, I already am.’ I literally cannot

‘Does he know the way I worship our love’

6. The (Shipped) Gold Standard

do I even need to keep writing this or is the album now, itself, independently writing the tryst theory

my notes for this song just say ‘come the fuck on’

This song is about: living in LA and missing Chicago (and what it felt like in Chicago, who you were and who you were with); taking accountability for your own actions even when it does not satisfy your hedonistic urges (e.g., marrying your pregnant girlfriend and breaking off your illicit love affair with Patrick Stump), trying to remake your identity and change yourself like those are the same thing and you can get a new heart as easily as a new name; losing your luck and breaking up (‘tell that boy I’ll leave you alone now, like a stove, I’ll turn my love down); horseshoe crabs; and of course, that good ol’ famous-in-the-closet feel:

‘I wanna scream I love you from the top of my lungs, but I’m afraid that someone else will hear me.’

7. Coffee’s For Closers

I’m just crying by now I can’t type anymore

He’s using this whole album to break up with Patrick, to explain, to say goodbye

‘I want everything to change and stay the same. Time doesn’t care about anyone or anything. Come together, come apart.’

‘We will never believe again’

And: ‘kick drum beating in my chest again’ and that feeling, the one we’ve all felt in the pit at any show, any good one with that golden-vibe in the air, the one that makes your heart feel connected to the hearts of everyone around you, like you could be lifted on light and floating around the room, like the love is pouring out of you and rising like heat and linking up to the network of love flowing into and out of everyone else, when you feel it and know they do too and your whole body vibrates with the impossible imperceptible hum of your very atoms, your constituent fucking molecules lit up and stitched together by this, this, this. The feeling like you don’t need lungs because singing in breath and bellows enough, the feeling like the only reason you ever had a heart was so the drummer could pump it with their sticks. ‘Preach electric to the microphone stand,’ Patrick the conductor, Patrick the evangelist, Patrick the gospel of his fucking love. Pete’s saying goodbye to that feeling. Pete knows, he knows already, what he is planning to do.

Pete’s lying. Pete’s saying ‘I love the mayhem more than the love’ like all he’s really been out to do is make a mess, break hearts, take names. Like he is no more and no less than what all the tabloids say about him. (Never watch the Fresh Only Bakery videos on youtube. They are boring, for one, and also the saddest fucking Pete you will ever see.) Pete’s saying ‘I will never believe in anything again’ and he’s making Patrick say it too, because true-blue love was supposed to last forever, and then Pete got married to someone else.

‘Oh, change will come.’

8. What A Catch, Donnie

NO. NO

how the fuck dare this song even exist

So this is it. This is the goodbye. Pete has talked about how he wrote this song from Patrick’s perspective, and he recruited some of Patrick’s favorite artists and friends of the band to sing different lines in a medley of the band’s hits up to this point. This is like, the FOB song equivalent of a suicide note. (To follow this with a greatest hits album—! G O D)

The reference to Roberta Flack and Donny Hathaway—their collaboration, his ultimate suicide, and the way Miss Flack looked on all his destruction and said ‘I still want you back’ is absolutely a testament to the way Patrick, and the rest of the band, forgave him and took him back in after the notorious Best Buy Incident. The gratitude for the whole band and what the band has done for Pete is tied up in this song. ‘You’ll never catch us’ smacks of trysting, and there’s something to the line ‘I’m the one who charmed the one who gave up on you,’ as the speaker in the sentence in meant to be Patrick and the ‘you’ is presumed to be Pete.

‘They say the captain goes down with the ship, so when the world ends, will God go down with it?’ is both Pete’s intention to go down with the band (which he’s planning to sink, or sees unraveling already in the painful writing process—we don’t know at what point he made his decision to destroy yet another thing he loved in penance for some deep, unknowable conviction of sin) and his gesture of setting them free. The Video of Which We Will Not Speak shows this pretty clearly. Pete saves everyone and everything he’s ever loved at the bargain price of drowning himself. He does it without ever even appearing in the aired version of the video. *broken sobbing*

(The links for the full version are not currently on Youtube, but you can read about it here: http://www.mtv.com/news/1618609/fall-out-boy-release-wrong-version-of-what-a-catch-donnie-video/)

What a match, what a catch. If I say anything else about this song, and how basically everyone who heard it knew it meant the band was going to break up, I will absolutely fall apart

9. 27

OH GOOD A SONG I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH WITHOUT CHOKING ON MY OWN TEARS

NOT

So here’s a lovely little ditty about how Pete Wentz did not kill himself and die at age 27 as he always thought he would! Hahahahahaha I’m fine it’s fine I’m so glad this album exists I’m so glad I’m TALKING ABOUT IT

‘If home is where the heart is, then we’re all just fucked.’ All three of them: Pete, Patrick, and Ashlee. And every FOB fan out there. Ahahaha. GUYS I’M NOT OKAY

We’ve got Peterick drug metaphors to rival the punch of Hold Me Tight Or Don’t: ‘I want it so bad, I’d shoot the sunshine into my veins… Doing lines of dust and sweat off of last’s night stage just to feel like you. Milligrams in my head, burning tobacco in my wind, chasing the direction you went.’

We’ve got desperation about growing and changing and losing that which they so valued in their sound and collaboration on Grave: ‘I can’t remember the good old days. Are all the good times getting gone? They come and go and come and go.’

We’ve got the pressure of keeping your love affair with your lead singer a secret lest you risk your fame, label representation, and fortune: ‘My mind is a safe, and if I keep it in we all get rich’ right next to the dirty, hollow feeling of having images of your body stolen and used to drag your name and reputation like you had no more heart than any other empty doll and losing the value of yourself in that process: ‘My body is an orphanage, we take everyone in.’

We’ve got the romantic comparison to cosmic entities, just like in Real Ones: ‘you’re a bottled star, the planets align. You’re just like Mars, you shine in the sky.’ And that tinge of disparagement and lonesomeness: ‘I’ve got a lot of friends who are stars but some are just black holes.’

10. Tiffany Blews

This song plays with a lot of fun moth/flame metaphors that I really enjoy, while also really amplifying the isolation and quick-burning nature of fame. I think that Pete gets a sick satisfaction from having Patrick sing out the worst things he thinks about himself, that he thinks everyone else thinks about him. (Pete, I think, is the little black dress that will be faded soon.)

Interestingly, we have ‘a roman candle heart keeps us far apart,’ which is a pretty direct link to the later Fourth of July. A heart that flares, explodes, and then burns out quickly certainly would be an obstacle to building a lasting relationship, no matter how much you loved someone…

‘Hate me, baby. Maybe I’m a piece of art.’

‘Dear gravity, you held me down in this starless city’ makes me think of the Moonrise Kingdom quote in Wilson (Expensive Mistakes): ‘I hope the roof flies off and we all get sucked into space.’ It’s the opposite, basically. Hoping to fall in love and get thrown up among the glittering cosmos rather than anchored someplace dark and starless. (Aside: I love how susceptible Pete is to grand, cheesy quotes? Like when, a few days after the release of The Last Jedi, he tweeted the heavy-handed noir line ‘I want to put my fist through this whole lousy, beautiful town.’ Like, look for that in a FOB song someday.)

11. w.a.m.s.

For the curious, Andy confirmed on Twitter that the title stands for waitress/actress/model/singer, a reference to the stereotype of people who run away to Hollywood to make it big but end up washing out and struggling as the starving artist/waitstaff type. If this idea of our boys citing bankrupt ambition does not make you emotional, you may not have a heart.

This song is incredibly relevant to the dreams meta linked earlier—‘when all the others were just stirring awake, I’m trying to trick myself to fall asleep again’ is very evocative of being in denial over the jarring reality of the end of the tryst. I think this song is about one of the last times Pete and Patrick slept together before breaking up.

‘My head’s in heaven, my soles are in hell’ again highlights that Pete’s wildest Patrick dreams are very different than where he actually finds himself; ‘let’s meet in the purgatory of my hips and get well’ is a pretty transparent request, isn’t it? Especially since pre-hiatus Pete really loved to use ‘hips’ as a signifier for sexual desire/activity. Let’s just fuck and pretend it’s all okay. Let’s lose ourselves in each other and pretend we can have it. Tell me I’m the only one, even if it’s not true. Let me get high on this memory one last time.

‘Hurry, hurry. You put my head in such a flurry, flurry’ is the urgency and compromised judgment of the tryst. ‘Oh freckle freckle’ can be read as Patrick’s forehead mole. ‘What makes you so special? I’m gonna leave you’ tells us what makes the last time so good: Pete knows it’s the last time. Pete knows he has to end it. But he’s so addicted-sick, ((stray-dog sick,)) he can’t stop. ‘I’m gonna teach you how we’re all alone’ doesn’t really sound like something a newlywed and soon-to-be-dad should be saying, does it? But there it is. How can he let go when he knows ‘how heartwarming it is inside your skin’?

The final nail in my coffin: ‘I’m a sunshine machine. I want to get stuck and be golden in your memory.’

We’ve talked about how Patrick = sunshine = gold, right. r i g h t

12. 20 Dollar Nose Bleed

Fun fact: this song is basically erotica to me ever since I wrote that recording booth smut about it! I can’t even listen to it without blushing and becoming uncomfortable. So there’s something you didn’t need to know about me that you… now know about me.

‘Permanent jet lag, please take me back. I’m stray dog sick, please let me in. The mad key’s tripping, singing vows before we exchange smoke rings.’ It is OBVIOUSLY my prerogative to interpret this as slightly depraved sexual longing, but I especially like the bit about singing vows without ever exchanging anything lasting or visible that implies commitment—this can be heard as a comment on the fickleness of commitment, or it can be heard as a comment about how deeply he is/was committed to Patrick even though they never had anything to show for it. Anything they could show for it. Even to each other.

Benzedrine is, of course, the very first pharmaceutical amphetamine (read about it here!). Many great artists and thinkers were influenced by the impossible energy it gives you, which is obviously relatable to someone who experiences natural mania, peddling his own prescription like a ‘medicine man’ (Wilson lyrics). I think the verse about Benzedrine and not letting the doctor in not-so-obliquely references the issue with medication compliance that Pete experienced and many people diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder also do: the meds for this disorder are really unpleasant. They dull you out, they give you tremors, they have really strong side effects, and they take away that amazing manic spark that so many artists credit with their success. Don’t let the doctor in. They’ll take away the only thing he really likes about being himself.

‘Have you ever wanted to disappear?’ is, I think, a glimpse of the unadorned real.

The spoken word bit at the end of this song really hammers together a lot of the themes of the whole album, the whole band, personal and political both. ‘You said you’re not listening and I said I’m wishing…’, only we don’t ever find out what’s really being said.

13. West Coast Smoker

I love the hell out of this song because there are few things in life that are hotter than Patrick singing the chorus. And fuck. Patrick saying curse words. I die every time. I think this is a kink I share with Pete Wentz. I think one day Pete Wentz and I will share a circle of hell. It will be called the ‘Underage Stump Mouth Rotunda,’ and we will all be very ashamed.

We’ve got a lot of the same themes: the ease of suicide and the conviction to live, the way shows feel and how it was when they were kids, drug use and overmedicated ennui. Pete was once the son, is becoming the father, is resolving not to become the holy ghost.

‘I’m the last of my kind’ and ‘when they made me they broke the mold’ and the finality of it all. (Contrasted with the modern era: ‘you’re the last of a dying breed.’ Pete has grown up and away from his recursive self-obsession, from his own myth. Pete learning to look inside others and stop dismissing himself, and everyone else, as fool’s gold.)

‘Your eyes are blocking my starlight’ to me really speaks to the person who is keeping him from Patrick, or the people—the fans, the Public, with their eyes on his every action.

14. Pavlove

I LOVE THIS SONG

Once again, we have a drug use metaphor: ‘she’s back to the bathroom for one more,’ ‘get addicted to this,’ and of course, the endless seeking for something to make ‘my chest stir/my head blur.’ And: ‘I’m not ready for a handshake with death, I’m just such a happy mess’ shows us, for once, what Pete has to live for—not just that he’s resigned to life, but the reason for it. This song is all tied up with the heady swell of live music and self-medication, and there’s no line more representative of my experience as a bisexual person than ‘I’m the invisible man who can’t stop staring at the mirror.’

‘I want to make you as lonely as me so you can get addicted to this’ seems very directed at Patrick, doesn’t it? Because this is a Pete who needs Patrick too much, thinks Patrick doesn’t need him back, is terrified. Doesn’t know how to solve his problems except to flee them. So: he flees them.

 I MADE IT. I BARELY FUCKING MADE IT BUT I DID.

To sum up: Folie is an incredible, sweeping, beautiful album about the glory of Peterick and the band’s impending end, and it will break your heart. Hit me up with questions and requests, and as always, thank you for reading!

shark-myths out *mic drop*

[yourbrother-crutchie]

It’s a SUPER lte second secret santa!! It’s not that good, life decided to exxtra screw me over so I couldn’t put as much time into it as I would of liked. But I really hope you get a smile! @littleblackneko

Connor was fairly certain that Evan Hansen was the hardest person he had ever tried to buy a gift for. 

It wasn't like trying to buy a gift for some fake family friend, where he could throw a stack of his parent's money at it and call it a day. Or Jared, where he could grab something random at Game Stop and he'd probably love it. 

No, Connor wanted to buy something heartfelt for Evan. It was going to be their first Hannukah together as boyfriends so he wanted to make it good. He already had most of it planned out. Nothing big, just a simple evening. Go to Evan's for lunch, they'd eat while watching shitty Halmark movies until the sun went down, light the menorah, and Connor would give Evan his gift.... now he just had to figure out what that was going to be. 

"Dude?! You don't know what you get your own boyfriend, how pathetic is that!" Jared exclaimed through the phone, cackling with joy at Connor's misfortune. 

Connor groaned, dangling upside down off his bed. "Evan never lets me buy shit for him! He's always to anxious so I just don't, this is pretty much the only chance I have this year to buy him something without him worrying about it." he said, running a hand through his hair. "I called you for help, not to be ridiculed, dude." 

Eventually Jared's laughter died out and he wheezed. "Fine, let your eternal savior Jared Kleinman help you out." 

"So you'll tell me what to get him?" 

"Fuck no." Connor groaned. "But I will help you come up with something!" Jared finished. Connor groaned again, kicking his legs in the air. "You gotta do some of the work." he said pointedly. 

Jared started off, asking Connor a series of questions about Evan. Their dating life, favorite things to do together, and anything Evan mentioned wanting. Occasionally he tried to start asking about their sex life cheekily but Connor shut that all down quickly. He really was not sharing that with Jared. Especially since he was essentially Evan's brother. 

Connor grabbed a notepad and started jotting ideas down, crossing off the ones Jared vetoed. 

"Come on- you have to be a bit closer by now?" Jared questioned, starting to get bored with the conversation. 

"I'm trying!" 

"Fine, I got one last idea." Jared sighed. "What about something he needs? Don't think about what he wants. Something stupid maybe, like fuzzy socks or some crap like that." 

"I'm not getting my boyfriend fuzzy socks!" Connor said, exasperated.  "Something he needs? I don't know, fuck..." he trailed off then suddenly shot up, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I got it." he said firmly. 

"What?" 

"No time to talk, need to order it." Connor hung up and dragged his laptop over. 

---- 

When Connor arrived at Evan's house he let himself in, untying his boots in the doorway. "Hey, Evan! Babe! I'm here!" He called upstairs, looking around for any signs of life. All he found was the empty plates in the sink, so Heidi definitely wasn't home. 

"Hi, Connor!" Evan popped his head out then came downstairs, tugging at hsi shirt anxniously. He looked around, bouncing on his feet. "Hap-Happy Hannukah! Are- are you all right?" he started to ask then shook his head. "I mean 'how are you'! I didn't mean to imply that something's wrong, I mean there might be somethign wrong, but who am I to suggest that that's totally weird!" 

Connor dropped his bag on the floor and walked towards him, bending down concerned. Evan normally was anxious. That wasn't new. But it had been awhile since Evan was so terrified about Connor dropping by. 

Connor took Evan's hands and squeezed them lightly. "Hey, babe, look at me. What happened? Did you take your meds this morning?" he asked. 

Evan nodded quickly, then shook his head. "I-I mean I thought I did? I was supposed to? I think I did?" He rambled. "I started to, like I opened my box, but then my Aunt suddenly appeared? And you know how that is- she-she um- she never wants to acknowledge- sorry-" Evan squeaked. 

"Hey, Ev, breathe, okay. Is it okay if I hug you?" Connor asked and Evan nodded. Connor gently pulled him into a hug and rubbed his back. "Breathe with me, all right? Breathe with me." 

Connor started slowly breathing, making sure to move hsi chest extra so Evan could follow. He breathed in for seven counts, then out for eleven. In for seven, out for eleven. Evan breathed along with him, shakily at first. Hs was clearly struggling to breathe and to keep up with him. But he slowly started to relax, going limp and Connor's arms and leaning against his chest. 

"I-I'm so sorry... You came here for Hannukah and for us to have fun and I just-" He rambled, but Connor just kissed the top of his head. 

"You're okay, I love you." he tried to reassure Evan, squeezing him then pulling away. He gently walked Evan to the coouch and sat down, letting Evan cuddle up against him. "Okay, you said your aunt happened? Is it the same transphobic bitch?" 

Evan frowned but nodded. "Ye-yeah... She-um- well- my mom let her in because she was only supposed to be here for a minute. You know, drop off something for my mom. But she found me and just started talking and calling me- me by my- my you know- I'm sorry-" he started to get worked up again and Connor held him tightly. 

"Dude, Evan. Evan. Calm down." Connor said firmly, kissing the top of his head again. He looked down at him. "You're a boy, okay? And no bullshit that that bitch says will ever change that. You're my boyfriend, and Heidi's son, and pretty much Kleinman's brother. That's not ganna change anytime. Ever." he continued. 

"But-" 

"No but's." Connor said firmly and rubbed Evan's back. "Wait here." he kissed Evan gently then got up, walking over to grab his bag and dragging it over. He dug around then took out the wrapped box on top. 

"What- no? We're not doing presents until after aren't we? I- unless we changed it and I forgot?" 

"We didn't change, you don't have to worry, Evan." Connor said. He was being careful to use Evan's full name instead of any petnames. He found it could help calm his dysphoria down, because it was the verbal reminder that he was a real boy. "But I want you to open this up now. Just trust me." 

Evan was pulling at his shirt anxiously but opened up the mox, pulling the tissue paper shoved on top off. His mouth dropped open. "Oh my god- you didn't-" Evan looked up at Connor, then down at the box, then up again. 

Evan took out a tan colored binder. It was clearly high quality, and looking at it Evan guessed it would fit. 

"I- well... I asked Heidi for your measurements? But if it doesn't fit I kept the reciept." Connor said nervously, watching his face for a reaction. Any reaction. 

"I-oh my god....." 

"Is it okay, Evan?" 

"It's perfect." Evan threw himself forwards and grabbed onto Connor, hugging him tightly and sniffling. He was breathing shakily, almost crying. "I've always wanted one- oh my god- thank you so much. I got you something so crappy in comparison but I love this so much. Thank you. Thank you." he squeezed Connor tightly. 

Connor laughed softly and kissed the top of Evan's head gently, ruffling his hair. He just held Evan for awhile so Evan could get all his emotions out before he poked Evan's side. "Come on, let's try it on."

[thestorytellerofkpop]

Jimin Is Away; Summer, Chapter Three

Summary: Jimin, despite everything the two of you have been through, is slowly fading from your life. But when you find someone to fill the void, Jimin starts to become a bit strange.

Word Count: 1664

Previous Chapter

Y/N sat in the parking lot of her apartment complex that afternoon, biting her lip as her thumb hovered over the most frightening sight of the day; the send button. She re-read over the short message that she typed for what seemed like the 100th time and sighed.

Hello Hoseok-seonbae! How are you?

Y/N sighed in frustration, glaring at her phone screen.

“Why is this so nerve wracking? You’re just texting a guy for gosh sake.” She mumbled to herself, but her mind still spurred on as she contemplated the message.

Is it too formal? Maybe I should change…-no! Stop it Y/N! You’re worrying too much, just send him the damn message! Y/N thought before hitting the send button with her trembling thumb. She quickly got out of the car, waving to the door man as she hopped into the elevator when she entered her apartment complex. Once the metal doors closed, her phone buzzed in her pocket. Quickly, she pulled it out, feeling her face flush and her heart beat pick up.

Yoo! Y/N! Don’t bother with those silly honorifics, Hoseok is fine! I’m swell!

Y/N smiled as she typed, stepping off the elevator and walking towards her apartment.

I’d feel bad I didn’t use some type of honorifics though. Can’t I at least say Hoseok-ssi?

Y/N placed her phone in her pocket as she opened the door, sighing out loud when she realized that Jimin didn’t lock the door. Again. She heard smashing buttons and the rainbow road theme music blaring from the TV as her eyes found the two boys sitting on the floor, already competing against each other.

“Well, well, well. Look who finally decided to show up.” Jungkook stuck his tongue out at Y/N, briefly glancing up from the game to look at her.

“I thought you said you would text me when you were coming home?” Jimin asked, turning to shoot an inquisitive glace in Y/N’s general vicinity. Y/N cursed in realization.

“Oh crap, I forgot, I’m sorry Jimin. I’ll join in the next round!” Y/N apologized, plopping down on the couch with her legs folded under her. She pulled her phone out and noticed the messages that Hoseok sent.

Uggh, fine, but its gonna make me feel old. What’s up?

Y/N smiled as she typed,

I’m just hanging with some peeps, how about you?

She glanced up from her phone to notice that the boys were getting violent, shoving and nudging each other to try and throw the other off course. Y/N chuckled and looked down at Hoseok’s response.

Just chillin, I’m about to help my little sister paint her nails. I can’t decide what color I want to give her though. Any advice?

Y/N smiled as she read the message; imagining Hoseok being all brotherly with his little sister made her heart swell.

For a little sister? Uh. Duhh, black. Is that even a question?

A reply came almost a few seconds later.

That’s my favorite color, great idea! What do you do in your free time, besides being unbearably attractive of course?

Y/N blushed as she read and re-read the words. Her heart was bursting in her chest. She hadn’t been with such a flirtatious guy in a while, and the affection and endearment made her body feel warm and fuzzy.

A whole lot of video games with my dorky roommate and childhood friend. And movies. A shit ton of movies.

Y/N hit send and looked up to find that the game was paused on the final lap, both guys looking at her; Jungkook with a furrowed expression on his face and Jimin with a look of wonder.

“What?” Y/N asked, looking at both guys. Jungkook suddenly shot up from his spot on the floor, leaning in close to grab her face with both his hands. Y/N blushed at Jungkook’s proximity, his nose was touching hers and his lips were much too close. Jungkook, her long-term childhood friend that she’s known since they were in diapers, (before Jimin came into the friend circle at age 4) didn’t seem to mind though.

“K-Kookie?” Y/N blanked, looking anywhere but Jungkook’s eyes.

“Dude, what’re you- “

“Shhhhh.” Jungkook hummed softly, turning Y/N’s face every which way under his scrutinizing stare. Y/N’s phone buzzed in her lap, but Jungkook didn’t pay it no mind. He stared at her for three long seconds before he let go of Y/N’s face with his eyes glowing and a wide smile on his face.

“Shut up!” he yelled happily. Jimin and Y/N looked at each other in confusion before turning back to Jungkook.

“You met a boy!” Jungkook continued. Jimin’s eyes widened and Y/N sputtered.

“What?! No! I, well, maybe…yeah.” She finished with a small smile etched on her face. Jungkook squealed happily, but Jimin’s stare became dark and downcast.

“Ooh!!! Details! What’s he like? Is he handsome?” Jungkook gushed, sitting up on the couch with Y/N, holding her hands in his. Y/N blushed and nodded.

“Very, very handsome Kookie! He has this chocolatey brown hair and the deepest, darkest eyes. He has this voice, it’s so smooth and he has this way with words that makes my heart skip beats.” Y/N gushed. Jungkook clapped his hands together and hugged the girl tightly.

“Jiminie! Aren’t you proud of our Y/N for finally finding a man?! And here I thought she was just going to die a lonely cat lady.” Jungkook teased, rubbing his cheek against her own in a motherly way. Y/N pushed him off and flicked his nose playfully.

“Yah! You’re so mean Jungkookie! Respect your noona!” Y/N laughed, but when she looked up and saw Jimin’s dark expression her smile slid off her face.

“Jimin?” she asked softly. He turned his attention to her and gave her a forced smile.

“Yeah, I’m happy for you Y/N! Really, good job, and to think that I thought we’d be stuck as roommates forever.” He teased. He pulled Jungkook up off the couch and back onto the floor.

“C’mon Kook, I still have to beat your ass before Y/N can join us.” Jungkook huffed and grabbed his controller. Jimin’s challenge to the younger man was clearly accepted as they continued with their game.

Confused and bewildered at what just happened, Y/N picked up her phone to read the string of texts Hoseok had sent her.

Lol, that sounds like me too! Are you a mind reader or something? Btw, my little sis loves the choice you made She thanks you But can I ask you something?

Y/N smiled and typed out a reply.

Lol, I’m glad she likes it. You already asked me something though, for this next one I will have to charge you.

Hoseok replied almost immediately, as if he was waiting for Y/N’s reply.

It’s worth the cost if I get to keep talking to such a wonderful girl One: I need a decision breaker between two movies, wanna help a guy out? Two: Where have you been hiding all my life?

Y/N giggled and squirmed happily in her couch crease.

That’s two dollars, y’know But, yes, please! I’d love to help, what are the choices? You’re such a flirt, the girls must be all over you Mr. Jung~

On the other side of town, Hoseok chuckled at his screen. He liked this girl. He liked this girl a lot. She was funny, sarcastic, yet cute and shy. She was so innocent, and Hoseok wanted nothing more but to help corrupt her. He typed his reply after a few seconds of pondering.

Final Destination 3 or The Descent? And baby, I’m only a flirt when I talk to you. I can’t help myself. After all, you deserve to be ravished in compliments.

Y/N read the messages with a red blush on her face, and an excited smile as she pondered the movie choices.

The Descent, obviously, that movie is incredible! Even though FD3 has that awesome, cheesy quality to it like Scary Movie, you seem more like a serious horror lover to me.

Hoseok smirked.

Are you sure we haven’t met before? It’s like you already know me~ That movie creeps me out in the best ways possible

Y/N blushed and typed her message, worrying over her words before hitting send.

Trust me, with a face like yours I don’t think I’d forget you Just don’t go spelunking and you’ll be fine

Hoseok laughed, she knew her movies alright. And her small attempt at flirting made her even cuter to him.

Lol, yeah I’m never doing that But look who’s a flirt now~ What movies are your favorite?

Y/N was about to type but a controller was thrown into her lap.

“Pick your character and car Y/N, we’re gonna start a tournament!” Jungkook said happily. Y/N quickly typed.

Movies are like music, they’re all good. You just have to find the good ones out of the mix of genres

Hoseok nodded, liking her answer. She was such a free spirit in his eyes, and that made the chase even more fun to him.

Good point, we should watch some together so you can help me find the good ones

“Y/N? You ready?” Jimin asked her. He looked at her differently than normal. We have to talk later, she thought as she picked up the controller with her left hand.

“Now, now, Jiminie, let Y/N say goodbye to her little boyfriend.” Jungkook nudged her side playfully and Y/N blushed.

“He isn’t my boyfriend Kookie.”

“Yet~”

Y/N rolled her eyes and typed out three words before setting her phone down and replacing her focus with a controller. She looked up at Jimin, not noticing the hints of sorrow and anger flickering in his eyes. She playfully stuck her tongue out at him and smiled. Jimin couldn’t help but smile back and let out an airy laugh. Ah. There was that smell of mint like usual, but it didn’t make her heart stop like it normally would.

“I’m ready.” She said.

I’d like that

[magioftheseas]

Crossroads

For @sinsational-sinnabon for the @undertalesecretsanta thing.

Summary: Post-Pacifist AU where Frisk has things to do and everyone else is just going about their days living on the Surface. Papyrus does just that, with some struggling. Only some!

Warnings:  Papyrus is generally an optimistic person and Sans is pretty laid back, but the two still have some issues. Overall though, it’s maybe a step over mild, maybe? I’m not sure. I’m not even sure if warnings are necessary because the usual mental instability/dysfunctionality I favor is much, much more understated here than my other fics. Haha. :’D Sorry. :’D

Notes: Hello, friend! Here’s your gift!! Uh... Hopefully, you’ll like it? I was kind of operating off a vague idea of character exploration and also a study on the Skelebros’ relationship and then 5K words later, I ended up with this. As much as I adore Sans, I like struggling to write from Papyrus’s perspective. Hopefully, he’s got a good voice here. Haha... Anyway, I wish you best and warm regards~

I’m not sure what the rule on cross-posting (hah) is (I forgot to ask), but what I think I’ll do is post it here first, make sure it’s been seen, and then post it to Ao3 later. Later-ish. Eventually.

The light was still red, and the handprint was still bright and imposingly orange. He’d been antsy since arriving at the street corner to cross, and even now he was shifting from one foot to the other and rattling under his coat. Thankfully the sound was muted, and no one commented on it, not even the humans. Oh, there were still curious pairs of eyes that he could just feel—in his bones OH MY GOD NO—but if he struck conversation now, he’d miss the light! He absolutely cannot afford to be distracted!

...Sans looked like he was close to dozing off. Unbelievable.

That stiff, tired grin almost had the telltale little twitch whenever his underactive brother started dreaming. His posture was despicably slouched, chin ducking into the collar of his turtleneck. A little human almost reached for him—possibly to tug on his sleeve, but a larger human quickly pulled her back by the hand.

“No,” they said firmly, squeezing her hand as the little one nodded meekly.

Papyrus stared, feeling...something. Hollow, almost—which was expectable because he was a skeleton, but—this kind of hollow was more...metaphorical, perhaps? Like he was missing something? Strange. Unpleasantly strange.

Oh, but, holding onto the little one’s hand to keep them in line seemed like quite the good idea! A GREAT idea, in fact! Humans really did share a skeleton’s resourcefulness!

Sans stirred as Papyrus gripped his hand and perked up. He blinked up at him blearily a few times, but that tired smile widened a bit, relaxed a bit, and Papyrus smiled back before returning his stare to the light.

And, as though falling in line with everything else, the light flashed green with the handprint replaced by a white, walking stick figure. And so Papyrus walked with the group, only having to tug Sans a little behind him. Some rushed on ahead, some pushed past, some kept on chattering with their friends or looking at their phone, and the other group from the opposite side of the street passed them by and—

A smaller human brushed past, with short brown hair and a purple striped sweater, and it felt like time slowed to a near halt.

Papyrus just about froze. But by the time he nearly spun around in turning to catch another surer glimpse—it was as if they had disappeared into the crowd.

Or they had never been there in the first place. He had just been imagining things and nothing else.

As he kept on staring, blinking and grin feeling awfully, uncomfortably rigid, there was a light tug on his hand.

“Bro?” Sans asked, and that hint of confusion and concern would have been impossible for someone less experienced than Papyrus to pick up on. “Uh, the light’s flashing.”

“Right,” Papyrus replied and pulled himself in the proper direction, hurrying along to the other side of the street.

Sans’s grip on his hand—Street Safety 101 according to humans: always hold onto the little ones via hand-holding so that they don’t fall behind or rush ahead, and Sans was quite small, small enough to qualify, Papyrus thought—also twitched. But Sans, of course, didn’t say a thing.

Sans just let himself be tugged along without complaint, calmly going with the flow as he tended to. Lackadaisical lazybones to the end. What else was new?

The number of bird singing overhead, perched on buildings and wires. The faces that’d pass the two of them by. The conversations overheard, the wafting scent of food and perfumes... The humans! Their world! All this time and so much still felt so new!

...Sans was really the only thing that stayed the same.

Blinking ahead, skull feeling weirdly fuzzy, Papyrus found himself yanking Sans a little harder after him. Sans stumbled a bit, grunting in surprise, but he regained his pace soon enough.

He felt Sans’s stare. But Sans, as expected, didn’t voice a thing.

--

When furnishing their new home, he had all sorts of new things he wanted to set up. A new couch, a new table, a chandelier, a pit of spikes, one of those beanie chairs he really quite liked—! Four out of five, Papyrus could live with. Sadly, the chandelier ended up succumbing to the spike pit, but he had been ecstatic nonetheless!

But Sans never asked for anything new. All the things Sans wanted in their new home were brought over from their old home. Sans did play funeral music for the furniture they had to throw away, but he accepted substitutes well enough. He liked the color of his new mattress compared to the old. But he also stared a little too long at the bed frame his very great brother had so lovingly rigged up. Perhaps Sans expected spikes?

But that’s a ridiculous thought. Papyrus knew Sans was more for lasers than spikes. A garbage preference picked up from Hotland, but a preference he nonetheless respected even if he oh so conveniently didn’t know how to combine them with the bed frame.

Sans didn’t complain. Sans didn’t say anything about the bed frame. Initially. Sans did thank him tiredly and almost absentmindedly the following morning in which he had slept draped over it. And, well, that had been that.

Life on the Surface, in Newer New Home, was an altogether pleasant experience. The road there had been fantastic, as well as the road back and the road over! So many roads to take in his shiny red car! It was bliss!

But, maybe, perhaps, Papyrus didn’t feel as blissful as he should have. It was...a strange conundrum and one he was strangely uncertain in how to approach. It was not to suggest he was in any way unhappy, per say, of course, but...

Sometimes, even ones as great as he could be...uncertain.

And concerned. About Sans, always Sans, and a number of other Sans-related Sans things.

Sans.

Sans left so many ketchup packets on the table. Papyrus, great as he is as a person, a brother, and a Papyrus, has already properly arranged them.

It hadn’t been enough to keep him fully distracted from his thoughts. He had run through his usual exercises of course. Thrice, in fact! He would go for the morning jog he always favored back in Snowdin, but he’s...yet to calibrate the best route. Once he does that, he’ll run and whoop to his soul's content! It’ll be perfect!

He just...needs to get around to it. Which he will, but he’s a very busy skeleton.

Very busy...in trying to figure out what’s the best thing for him to do in a world that’s still so foreign and so new. So different from Snowdin with its complete lack of snow and ice. He didn’t much care for the complete lack of snow and ice. Sliding was such a fun, important part of the morning jogs back home, but—right.

This is home now. It's Newer New Home, to be precise.

It’s different but it’s home. They even furnished it such with pictures and bone paintings and everything!

They had some really nice pictures. Like the one taken on the grand opening of Lady Toriel’s school! Or King Fluffyboy shaking hands with the Human Ambassadors! When he got his car and Sans snuck his thumb into the corner while taking the picture! When they left the Underground and the human Frisk took one last picture with everyone before they—oh.

The frame on that particular picture was crooked. Mangy mutt. Even here that little beast caused a ruckus. Huffy, Papyrus straightened it before standing back and proudly admiring his handiwork.

Even though his smile soon faltered when his stare inevitably got stuck on the little human’s stoic face, on how they just stared back at the camera with their fringe hiding their eyes and their lips pulled into a straight line. But, in the very least, they had their hand patting Lady Toriel’s paw on their shoulder. And Sans, Sans pressed up against their side with his usual wide grin... Sans looked happy.

Papyrus’s smile returned so easily at that.

But he still wondered about that human friend of his, that Frisk. Frisk who wouldn’t fly to places, and Frisk who was modest enough to admit they had no redeemable qualities. Frisk who he may or may not have seen crossing the street. Frisk who had walked away from them with nothing more than a wave even as Papyrus had shouted that he’ll see them later.

He doesn’t know for sure if he really saw them at that time—but he does know that Frisk has yet to return his calls or messages. At some point, their phone just stopped taking anything. So, Papyrus only had the option of waiting to hear from them again. Thankfully, Papyrus was a greatly patient person, but of course.

Still, he...missed them. He missed them almost the same way he missed Snowdin, missed the Underground and the monsters who stayed behind rather than moving to the Surface, and he missed them like he missed his strange talking flower friend who wouldn't even show up when he went searching for him.

But. Papyrus is one who looks forward—that is why, after all, that his sockets are on the front of his skull! And even if it’s at nothing at all, he has to always do his best in the present rather than reminisce on the past! That’s perseverance! That’s Papyrus!

“Yo, bro.”

Papyrus gave an impressive leap with an even more impressive yelp.

“SANS!! You know you’re supposed to USE THE DOOR!!!”

“Eh,” Sans says as he picks unattractively at his teeth. “You’re only skittish like that when you’re deep in thought. Maybe you just think too much.”

“Better to be thoughtFUL than thoughtLESS!!” Papyrus hissed, pointing at him quite fiercely. Fierce enough that Sans winces, even as his grin widens. Papyrus just goes on. “ANYWAY! I was thinking! Ruminating! On food! I REALLY need to attempt some new recipes, Sans!”

Sans hums almost thoughtfully. “Like mac and cheese?”

Papyrus nods firmly, overlooking Sans’s quick glance towards the pictures on the wall.

“Well,” Sans says, dragging the word just a little. “That sounds great, Paps. You know the saying, sky’s the limit. Just, uh, keep in mind the agreements on our lease.”

“Oh Sans, no one’s more of a thorough reader than I am,” Papyrus huffs, brushing past him to make his way into the kitchen. He pauses, gaze sweeping, and for whatever reason, he hesitates even as he forces himself to keep talking. “I know how to be careful, too, so that you of all people feels the need to worry about me is just...!”

He’s still not quite sure what to do, and even the words are stuttering like the dying sputters of a machine.

“Just... Just, um... Huh... Golly, what was I going to say...?”

“Papyrus.”

This time, he doesn’t flinch. But this time, he does turn his head rather slowly, his expression rather wary. But Sans was just grinning up at him like he always does, easygoing and calm. It's then Papyrus notices that he’s holding up a plastic bag.

“I got takeout on the way, so you don’t have to cook anything if you’re not in the mood.”

“R...Ridiculous!” Papyrus scoffed, not very convincingly. “Not in the mood?! I, Papyrus, am ALWAYS in the mood!!”

“Kay,” Sans agreed so easily it was infuriating. “Well, this will be for later, then. That’s cool.”

“URGH, but if you already bought it, we might as well eat it! Really, Sans, who raised you to be so inconsiderate?!”

“Heh, good question." Sans doesn’t really take much of a pause. “Let’s go eat in the living room, then.”

“Not on the couch!” Papyrus exclaimed. “We have a PERFECTLY good dining table! Which so CONVENIENTLY doubles as a puzzle table!!”

“It’s a multi-purpose table, bro.”

“TO OUR PUZZLING DINING TABLE!!!”

“Kay.”

--

Sans called it bruschetta—a fascinating name for a fascinating piece of bread.

It also smelled weirdly nice as he picked at it. It didn’t take long for Papyrus to realize that there were some human ingredients. Most likely for added texture and taste, not that he really understood it.

He was more troubled because skeletons lacking a stomach had issues in regards to food that were best when digested. Sans, of course, didn’t mind at all and kept eating as sloppily as ever. Really, who raised him?

Certainly not I. Papyrus thought with a huff as Sans chewed noisily. Urgh, he’s not even keeping his mouth closed!!

“Sans.”

Sans turned to him, mouth still full, mouth still chewing, and urgh, he had crumbs everywhere.

Perhaps a little rougher than he should have, Papyrus practically scrubbed his face clean with the napkins. Sans nearly choked, but he swallowed it all down and was back to a relaxed grin like his mood hadn’t been even the slightest bit stirred.

“Something up, bro?”

“Up?” Papyrus echoed, and got aggravated. “What’s up?! Nothing’s up!”

“So there’s really nothing bothering ya?” Sans asked, eye sockets half-lidded. “Nothing at all?”

“NO!” he screeched. Sans gave him a Look, but he still had that insufferable grin because of course he did. Papyrus insisted, even louder, “Nothing’s up! Nothing at all! Nothing is BOTHERING me so I have no need for your BROTHERING, Sans!!”

“Well,” Sans says, pulling back and picking at his food again before tearing off a bite with his fingers. Gross. “If it’s really nothing, then I guess we’ll just...eat awkwardly in silence.”

“Yes, of course,” Papyrus replied, narrowing his sockets as he did, and throwing in an annoyed GROAN for good measure. “Because what ELSE is there to do when nothing’s up?!”

“You tell me,” Sans said, tossing the piece into his mouth and chewing it just as nosily as before. “There’s nothing to say when nothing’s up.”

...Nothing to say...

Papyrus couldn’t help but really wonder about that.

Sans, of course, looked content to drop the matter entirely in favor of eating (awkwardly except not really) in silence. In fact, Sans looked too content. It bothered him.

What was also quite bothersome was how untouched his food was when Sans only had a few bites left. That—simply will NOT do!!

Anything but someone outdone, Papyrus shoved everything into his mouth. He chewed furiously in a way Undyne would be proud. Sans just watched, silently, unchanging grin remaining. And he just blinked once as Papyrus swallowed it all down.

“Delicious!”

A little messy, he thought, wiping himself off with the napkin. Still, he kept his satisfied grin. But delicious!

“You’re going to regret that later,” Sans said simply to which Papyrus scoffed.

“Me?! REGRET?! NEVER!”

“Kay.”

Just like that, without another word, Sans returns to eating. It’s back to awkward silence because there’s nothing to say. Because nothing’s wrong.

“UM...!”

Sans’s gaze flickers towards him, and he pauses. When Papyrus just rattles instead of going on, Sans takes one last bite before setting his bread down.

“ACTUALLY...!” Papyrus finally managed, clenching his fists tight. “I...!”

Sans nods, still chewing, and gestures for him to go on.

Papyrus hesitates.

“I...HAVE...a confession to something that...MIGHT be a little wrong...”

Sans swallowed.

“Yeah?”

"I... I...”

ARGH! FOR GOD’S SAKE!!! JUST SAY IT!

“I DON’T ACTUALLY LIKE COOKING HUMAN FOOD!!! AT ALL!!!!”"

“Oh...” Sans just blinks. “Kay.”

“It’s just—the finished product always comes out as WEIRD!” Papyrus exclaimed, impassioned and impossibly upset, especially as he ranted on. “And it’s so different from cooking with regular—with MONSTER ingredients! They don’t burn right, they don’t break right, they don’t even FEEL right! Nothing feels RIGHT!!! NONE OF IT IS RIGHT AT ALL, SANS, NONE!!!!”

“You don’t have to cook it, then,” Sans says like it’s just that easy and he just—he just snaps.

“IT’S NOT JUST ABOUT COOKING, SANS!!! OH MY GOD, THAT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS!!!”

“It is,” Sans replied. He’s still as calm as ever. He’s calm, and the hand he places on his arm is just as steady. “It’s totally obvious, Paps. I’m not a numbskull.”

Just like that, all his anger has fizzled. Papyrus, staring almost helplessly back, finds himself only capable of sighing.

“No,” he says and sighs again, more forlornly than dramatically. “No, you most certainly are not, brother. That’s not you.”

Sans’s smile twitches. It looks pained. It pains Papyrus to see it look pained.

So, without another word, Papyrus just pulls him close.

“It’s not you, either,” Sans mutters against him, patting his back. Papyrus could have suffocated him in his embrace—and he just settles with a tight but brief squeeze.

When he does pull away, Sans just grins up at him and returns to eating.

Despite everything, Papyrus felt quite a bit better. For the moment, at least.

--

It’s not surprising that Papyrus is up in the middle of the night. But truth be told, he doesn’t feel any less frustrated for it. Admittedly, that, could just be because of the not-so-great nightmare before he awoke.

The nightmare of Sans—always Sans—standing alone in a golden corridor, staring down at a shadowy mess, splattered against the tiles. Sans, smiling stiffly and painfully, eye awash in a frantic neon blue and yellow glow. Sans wouldn’t even respond to his name being called—nor to Papyrus reaching out to grasp onto his unmoving, outstretched hand.

Sans would just crumble to dust then and there, and Papyrus’s sockets would spring open. And he would just sit up in bed, tightly gripping the edge of his blankets hard enough to tear.

Out of all his nightmares, that’s the one he likes the least. It’s thankfully gotten less common, but—sometimes he still has it. And it never fails to leave him rattling, with his SOUL pulsing.

This time, it’s especially aggravating to be weighing on his mind when the house is as clean as can be, and when Papyrus is in no mood to cook after that recent confession.

He works through his puzzle books, he reads through his text books, and, ultimately, that ominous, invisible and incomprehensible weight left by the nightmare still refused to dissipate. He would scream, but that’d get them noise complaints. It just wouldn’t be worth it.

The worst part about this particular nightmare is that he’d always hesitate with checking up on Sans afterwards. At least at for a little bit. Not because he was upset with Sans, of course—but because it was—complicated. And complicated feelings apparently did not care for the inevitable sight of Sans just sleeping his troubles away.

Because that’s all Sans would ever be doing. Sleeping his troubles away. He couldn’t understand that at all.

He is, however getting antsy. Protective brotherly instincts tend to overcome anything else, and, well, he really should make sure nothing’s amiss. That’d be the responsible thing to do. The Papyrus thing to do!

So, that’s exactly what he should do. And what he, in fact, does do.

And Sans...isn’t sleeping. Sans isn’t even in his room.

He’s not in the kitchen, either.

He’s not anywhere inside.

He’s—

--

He’s on the rooftop again. Lying flat on his back, staring up at the night sky without a care.

Of course.

He’s almost too relieved to be annoyed. Almost. Almost.

“Sans.”

Sans perks up upon seeing him approach him. His grin widens, the lights in his eye sockets brightening.

“Evening, bro,” he greets with a wave. “Nice night out, eh?”

As Papyrus seated himself beside his prone brother, Sans just goes on without any worries, “So, uh, you up for some stargazing, too?”

“I suppose.” His reply is perhaps a little too clipped. He still can’t help but feel a little too aggravated, and—that’s not Sans’s fault. It really isn’t. “I...had thought you disappeared off somewhere, brother. I was...greatly concerned.”

“Oh, sorry,” Sans pushes himself up a little. “I did wake up a little early and thought to get some open air—but I didn’t think you’d check on me. Did something...?”

Sans trailed off. When Papyrus’s gaze had flickered in his direction, Sans had shaken his head and laid back down.

“Eh, never mind. I really am sorry, though, so, uh,” The way Sans looks at him is a little pleading—and definitely a little unfair. “We cool, bro?”

Papyrus simply nodded.

“We are cool, Sans,” he said and looked back towards the stars. They glimmered overhead, each one twinkling, and some of them faded. Some seemed to disappear entirely. The rocks in Waterfall never did that. Somehow, the difference was...sobering. “They’re beautiful, aren’t they?”

“Mmhmm,” Sans agreed, turning towards them. But the absolute fixation in his admiring stare, the way the very lights in his sockets seemed to twinkle was wondrous in itself. The sight of his lazybones brother like this—Papyrus couldn’t help but smile with a gladness he had, admittedly, quite missed.

But when Sans had reached out towards the stars, his phalanges spreading out as though to catch as many of those glimmers as possible, Papyrus’s smile had faltered just a little. And he had a thought—just a thought.

He thought about how it might be hard to break the habit of yearning for the unreachable.

“Hey Paps, did you know that stars we see actually exist in a different point in time?”

“Oh!” He chirped, perking up with realization. “I remember this! You said something about—stars being years away? It’d be a long drive? I guess??”

“Mm, it takes time for light to reach your sight just as it takes time driving or walking place to place,” Sans says, nodding as he does. “But stars are so far away that it takes years for us to see them. Hundreds upon thousands of years—what we see now is the past. Things could be completely different now and we wouldn’t even know it. Several of these stars have probably changed, or—they might not even be there anymore...”

Sans trails off, his outstretched hand wavering before he finally pulls it back to just cross his arms over his ribcage and sternum. After a while, he just yawns.

And Papyrus—felt strangely and greatly uncomfortable at that point in time.

“So, in fact, we’re always looking at the past...even though we’re always facing forward...”

“When you put it like that, it sounds a little complicated,” Sans mumbles. There isn’t much change in his grin, except there is the slightest crinkle around his eye sockets. As a result, the shadows under them look even darker, though at night, it was a little difficult to tell.

“Indeed, it’s a complicated way of looking at things! The world is a complicated place, Sans! The Surface, especially...”

Monsters and Humans both...

“Huh.” Sans shrugged without any care. “Eh.”

“Sans...” Papyrus says, a bit warningly, with a bit of frustration. But he paused, and then, he asked, “Sans, do you ever think of the human?”

“Frisk? Yeah, sure. Tori likes to talk about them sometimes,” Sans replies so easily. So nonchalantly. “Heh, sometimes Alphys talks about them, too. They, uh, really left an impression on everyone, considering they, ah, shattered the barrier and set everyone free, making it so that we’re no longer at risk of overpopulation and overcrowding. Among a couple other things.”

“Other things like being a very cool friend, right?” Papyrus asked expectantly. Thankfully, Sans nodded.

“Yeah, a cool friend to a cool guy. Not a half-bad singer, either, if Shyren’s concert in Waterfall was any indication.”

“Ooh, I remember that! I still have the CD! You really should’ve gotten a signature, Sans!”

“I was...busy, Paps. Sorry.” He didn’t sound very sorry. “But, hey, I can speak to Shy later, if ya really want that.”

He doesn’t really. But he would very much appreciate it, he thinks.

“Sans, do you ever wonder about what Frisk may be up to?”

“Hm?” Sans blinks once, drearily, and thinks it over even as his focus now seems stubbornly stuck on the stars. “Sometimes, yeah. I wonder about that weird talking flower friend of yours, too.”

“Ooh! You do?!”

“You don’t remember, do ya?”

“...Remember?”

“Eh, fuhgeddaboudit.”

“So you expect me to—forget something I don’t remember??”

“Sure. Forget what’s been forgotten. Sounds like a plan.”

“That SOUNDS nonsensical.”

Sans seemed like he was going to reply, and then he paused. He looked awfully pensive. So pensive, that—oh. Oh no.

“Nonsensical, huh.”

“Sans.”

“Don’t ya mean...”

“SANS.”

“Non-Sans-ical?”

“OH MY GOD, SANS—!!”

Sans’s hand pressed hard against his teeth, muffling the rest. Wincing, Sans pressed a phalange to his grin, and shushed him. Papyrus blinked rapidly a few times, but he was quiet when Sans pulled away, instead just staring after him as he rolled onto his side.

“So, yeah,” Sans said like nothing was wrong, like nothing just happened. “Don’t worry about it. Uh, or about the kid, I guess. I’m sure they’re doing fine on whatever adventure they’re on.”

“...Do you think they’ve...forgotten us?” The question had come out so quietly.

“Dunno,” Sans says. “Don’t really care, either. All the things that matter are in the past, now.”

You would say something like that.

“You don’t really care?”

“Don’t look too deeply into it, bro.”

Papyrus scoffed. “It seems some things never change.”

Sans chuckled, but he didn’t say anything else. Truth be told, Papyrus didn’t speak much either. The two of them just laid there in silence, staring at the stars with occasional flickering glances towards one another, for quite a bit of time.

--

And the truth is—Papyrus thought a lot of things over in that time. Despite what he said, so many things had changed. More things than he ever could have expected—ever could have suspected—changed. And to think it was all due to the actions of one quirky human was beyond mind-boggling.

He had been so concerned about shattering Frisk’s heart when afterwards Frisk went and shattered the barrier! That was just—SO COOL!!! Almost cooler than Undyne—but that was such a hard call to make. Undyne was still pretty cool, even now, even when he sadly didn’t see as much of her as he used to. But the New Royal Guard is tough work! Tough, hard, difficult, and—not for him, he later realized.

He...hadn’t minded that realization. But it would’ve been a lie to suggest he wasn’t, at least, just the slightest bit bothered.

Many things had changed, including Papyrus himself. It was...unsettling, quite honestly.

But he was still happy! Life was still great! Everything was fine!

...but...perhaps...not as fine as he would’ve liked?

This might just be another one of those times Papyrus misses the advice of his flower friend. Someday, when Sans gets off for vacation days or whatever—so surely soon—the two of them can return to the Underground for a little while. They can catch up!

...if said flower friend wanted to... But he had to! Why wouldn’t he?!

...the same reason he hadn’t wanted to wish them off? That he didn’t say—‘see you later’ before everyone left the Underground?

His excitement and enthusiasm was slowly faltering, or it would if Papyrus didn’t wholeheartedly refuse. Someday, he promised himself—someday for SURE!!

Someday. He wondered how much more would change by then.

So much changed—so many things were changing.

Sans was still the same, at least, so it’s not like everything’s unfamiliar, but still—no.

No, that’s not really true. It’s easy to act like it is, but...

Taking note of the way Sans stares at the stars, like he could never tire of the sight, like every new moment is discovering a new kind of magic—he’s not so short-sighted he’d believe Sans was the same way with the rocks in Waterfall. Maybe, once upon a time, he was that way, long, long ago in a time before clear memories. Perhaps.

It’s still a change. It’s still different.

But of course he hardly minded—of course he preferred this change to all the others.

It’s a change that makes all those other less preferable changes worth it.

It’s not just Sans who’s happier, too. It’s Undyne, it’s Dr. Alphys, it’s King Fluffyboy, it’s—so many other people. In spite of everything, he is happier as well.

He is more uncertain in regards to many other things, but in regards to his happiness, he’s sure he’s happier.

Frisk had done so many wonderful things. As expected of a wonderful friend.

He really should take full advantage of these things and the opportunities provided by them.

He...really, really should.

--

“Wow, it’s really late, isn’t it?”

“Is it?”

Sans is checking his bare wrist and nodding.

“Yup. Sure is.”

“Oh...”

“Heh, so, uh,” Sans pushed himself up, cracking joints as he did and giving one good rattle to reorient himself. Papyrus, despite the disgusted grimace, still perked up when Sans went on, “I gotta get some shut eye sockets in... And maybe you should too, Paps.”

“Oh, I suppose...” Papyrus huffed. “But I won’t forgive myself if I start napping excessively.”

“A little bit of indulgence is healthy now and again,” Sans replied. “D’ya want me to read you a second bedtime story?”

“That...” He couldn’t help concede. So unfair, that Sans! “That...doesn’t sound like a BAD idea, per say...”

“Alrighty.” Sans gets to his feet. “Let’s go, then.”

“Let’s!” Papyrus stood quickly. Sans thoughtfully hummed, but Papyrus was not one to be distracted as he got about climbing back down from the roof. He returned to their apartment with little trouble, swinging in through the window with nothing less than an impeccable landing on the floorboards.

Sans, unsurprisingly already there, gave a quiet little applaud. He proudly bowed all the same before promptly and responsibly closing the window.

“You really are cool, Paps.”

“But of course! I always was and always will be!”

“Yep.” Sans doesn’t even miss a beat. He just widens his grin. “Definitely.”

“Nyeheheh...”

Sans’s chuckle then is lighter, softer.

It definitely goes a long way in making everything just a little greater.

[pinkfatprincess]

Mistress part 1

I think it’s time to share my experience in my blog. I don’t have much followers anyway so I know it’s safe and the people involved in my story don’t have names.

This will end as another entry which I will laugh about in about a year or so (or sooner please!).

 So let me tell you about how I ended up where I am now and how I plan to get out of this situation.

 Let me take you back on my 33rd Birthday. Last year when I turned 33, I’ve accepted the fact that I will be single for the rest of my life. I planned to take a sperm donor ( I have a list of friends who offered so I know I will have a good selection of donors). I enjoyed being single, I worked hard, got that promotion and became a Second Vice President in our office in 2 years of being with the company. I’d like to think that at my age, it’s quite an achievement, especially in our company where most of the people with the same rank are aged 35 up. I have a hobby, I cook and bake. I have a few friends who I treasure and of course a family that loves me dearly. In short – I am contented and happy.

 I’ve always been a sheltered person, my hobbies include reading books, watching movies, baking, cooking, shopping and I avoid outdoors at all cost. However, my team wanted to try scuba diving as our team building activity and they convinced me to go out of my shell and be bold! I fear the water, I am scared of boats. I liked the ferry ride in London and Japan because I still see the land and it was a river. Open sea scares me to death though because I don’t know how to swim and I can think of a lot of ways that the boat ride will go wrong. Anyway, after a lot of convincing they managed to inspire me to be adventurous and try outdoors. On that day I saw a picture of one of my college friends where he was free diving. The last time we saw each other was in 2003?? 15 years ago but he added me as friend on FB and he’s been an avid liker of my pictures. Since he was a college friend, I did not have any malice and sent him a DM to check where he free dived. He was very enthusiastic with his reply and I remained casual. The following day, he tagged me on some of the free diving courses available in anilao. He sent me private messages and had a little chat. I remember him briefly saying “Try mo Maam, maaadik ka. Para may maaya din ako next time” and to be honest I didn’t mind that offer because we don’t know each other well. He greeted me on New year’s day and we got to chat a bit. Then he started commenting on my photos and liking every single one of it. I know he is making papansin and I ignored. But then again a friend of mine said, try and flirt. Who knows he’s your match. So I tried to be nice, replied to all of his messages, he flirted a bit and reciprocated and he said he wanted to invite me once he is back in Manila (he works in a ship). I did my research, checked if he is married or in a relationship and didn’t see any trace at all. So I said – YOLO timmy! Flirt away!

 He started to get sweet, told me he was happy we reconnected. He should have met me earlier so we would have been happy sooner. He invited me to go to the beach when he return so I thought he was asking me out. Since I had a beach trip coming up with friends to Surf – I extended the offer to him and boom – he accepted. He was so excited, can’t stop talking about it for days. He was upset that his flight got delayed and he almost did not make it. He kept on updating me of his whereabouts, what he was eating, sending photos of his auntie and what he has been doing while waiting for boarding. He arrived on Feb 28 around 10 pm. His family picked him up and dropped him at a motel near Pasig. I was asleep at that time because we are due to leave 3AM on March 1 and when I woke up I saw a couple of texts and missed calls asking if we are pushing through. I said yes and picked him up and he met my friends. It was the biggest effort a man has made for me. Imagine – he was away for 6 months and instead of meeting his family he went on a beach trip with me and my friends. Needless to say, that weekend started everything. He was so sweet, so thoughtful, he treated me like a princess, a gentleman and fun to be with. We talked about a lot of things and I asked him directly if he is married or if he is dating someone. He said NO without batting an eyelash. So I said – that’s good looks like this is the one.

 After Baler, we went on a date to Tagaytay. We spent the whole day together. We had lunch, coffee, movie and we talked for hours I wished for the day not to end. We made the most out of the day as I was leaving for Bangalore that Saturday. You know what’s funny? I liked how he wasn’t using his phone at all the whole day. Not a single glance on his phone. He even left it on my car (he owns a car but it’s at home so I drive for him) and did not text at all. One of the reasons why I liked him – he is not on his phone and I know I have his undivided attention. At the end of the day, we held hands and I know we have a mutual understanding.

 I was in Bangalore for two weeks, he’s been good in texting me, telling me his whereabouts and reported everything. Another thing I liked about him – because I didn’t have to ask. He tells me everything and sends me pictures of what he is eating and where he is going, Trust me when I say that he earned my trust big time. Last Friday that I was in Bangalore he was so fuzzy and I think he is drunk. He wanted to tell me something so I said it can wait when I return to Manila. He arranged for a date that Monday. March 26.

 That day, he picked me up from work. We had dinner and went to Estancia to have coffee. We talked for hours until 1 am and in the parking lot, we stayed in my car to talk. Then he confessed something. He said he is married. He said they are processing the annulment and he left her in 2015 because she cheated, she is manipulative, she is after his money and his house. Imagine the hate I developed for that girl I didn’t know because of how much I trusted his words. He gave me an option to wait til he sorts his annulment or we can try because he is worth it. God, I remember how he said those words. He looked so sincere with tears in his eyes saying all he wanted is to be happy and he is worth it. You know what, I had a little thought why I should go on with it.

 1.       Effort wise – he really have a tremendous amount of effort to woo me

2.       Quality time – he finds time to talk to me

3.       He reports to me wherever he goes and whatever he does

4.       So trustworthy –he is honest

5.       He is family oriented – provides for his family

6.       He sounded like a victim on his last relationship, so broken and fooled by a girl and I thought he deserves all the love he can get

7.       He cares for me, he is thoughtful, gentleman and I feel that he really loves me

 The only downside is he is married but they are not together anymore and annulment as on the way so I thought hey – you both deserve a chance to be happy so I went with it and became a couple. The following day we went to Tagaytay overnight. I don’t want t give you details but boy this man wanted to get me pregnant. I mean so soon? Well he knows how much I wanted to become a mom and so I said why note. He said I love you too and he was the first to say it to I guess I had the power in the relationship?

 I guess I don’t have to say much about our relationship but it was all too good to be true in April and May. He even asked me to live with him and it took me time to decide. I finally agreed to live together by June 28 because I really want to get pregnant. I am not getting any younger. Mind you – we both agreed that this is a secret relationship. My mom didn’t know that I was technically a mistress. It’s funny I hate my father’s mistress and here I am becoming one of them. Needless to say – I defied my logic and forgot my values. Shame on me.

 During the course of our relationships, I learned to adjust and avoid arguments at all cost. I don’t ask where he goes, I don’t pry, I get jealous but I don’t confront because when he is being confronted he gets angry. Should have been a red flag but I was too blind. I don’t ask for his plans, I go with the flow. I give him space even if it means I am miserable. I spend most of the time. He met all my friends. He met my family. When my friends and family asked him if he is a womanizer or if he is married – he can answer them straight without flickering of his eyes and I know this should alarm me but I just let it go.  I tried to be the best GF and not nag. I know I did and He knows that.

 June at Bohol when I started to feel something different. He was on his phone most of the time, he brings his phone inside the CR and he bought extra two shirts (small in size) for his sister despite buying another set a day ahead. While packing, he packed the shirt separately so I asked him why? Before sleeping I asked him if he has someone else. He got angry and flipped on the other side of the bed while I was crying miserably through the night. I know there is someone else. If he lied and tell me there was none – I will believe him. But he did not have the guts to lie so I know there was something.

 I mentioned earlier that he asked me to live together, I am done with the preparations and we are ready to move but he said we will try it for a month, he will stay on weekends and he will move around August. I let is pass. I am miserable on my own at the condo and he never committed to when he will show up. On my birthday, we celebrated with my mom and at home but I feel so empty and I know something is wrong. He went away that week (July 9) and during that week I cannot reach him. He wasn’t telling me where he was. July 12 was the worst. I cannot contact him. I was worried but he texted at night saying he is home. The following day there was no text so I asked what is wrong and he said he feels something different. He feels pressured about me already. When I asked what did I do, he said nothing is wrong. He is the problem and I need to give him time. My heart was broken that day, knowing he is drifting apart and all I did was adjust for him and make sure he doesn’t get mad. The following day he surprised me and came to the unit. Then it’s all forgotten.

 July 27, I was browsing his page when I saw a girl who commented on his picture. It was flirty, I know because I am a girl too. I checked her out and guess what I saw a photo of them together. I was shaking. Let’s call her J because I have to talk to her and I need to have a reference. So I asked what is with them. He said none. He even put the blame on me because I was snooping and he said it’s not good to be jealous. I said it’s not an issue if he was honest on his where abouts. Anyway I know something was up but I let it go. However, I need to protect my self and I started drifting away from him too. Since I want to have a baby, I wanted to get it done sooner. I asked if he wanted too  - he said yes and wanted it to be with me. So I decided to go on IUI – artificial insemination. He had his sperm analyzed and found our he had low sperm concentration. He had a condition called oligozoospermia and this is a fertility problem for men. We were asked to do it at certain days but he was very uncooperative. I said just donate the sperm and I will not hold you accountable on anything. We had the procedure but the collection was really really low. I knew he *ucked another girl before the procedure. It was toooo low if he was abstained for two days. I spent 50k for this procedure including his meds and never asked for a single cent.

 I guess I have to skip the other details but August was a tough month, he was sweet one day and grumpy the next. There are days where he is missing and cannot be reached. I know we are losing it and we are on the brink of a break-up. Then I prayed, I said if the baby will be given then he is for me. If not then I have to let go. Then it happened. I wasn’t pregnant. I got my period. He knows it’s his fault. I have no problems with my reproductive system and the doctor was blunt that his low sperm count is a problem. That Sunday, something pushed me to message a girl who keeps on liking his status. I know he will be mad because he doesn’t like that but that moment, I am prepared to lose him. However, I am prepared to know the truth. The girl said nothing is going on between them. I don’t believe her. Well maybe she is telling the truth but I did not believe her. Funny she thought I was someone else and named a girl. I ignored that because I was told by (my asshole bf) that someone keeps on creating a fake account to ruin his reputation so I ignored all invites and made my profile super private.Oh and I remember, his wife messaged me but I ignored it but had to come clean to my mom in case his wife makes a scene. I told him about it and said don’t entertain anyone because someone is purposely ruining his life and I pity him for a bit. By the way, the reason why I messaged this girl (let’s call her A) is because someone message me calling out all the names of the alleged women of by asshole BF. That’s why I messaged A.

 Anyway, the following day, I felt guilty for reaching out to A and apologized to him. I wanted to talk but he is not replying so I decided to go to the dorm he stays at and talk to him. He said don’t go and I will be wasting my time but I guess it was the best decision in my life. I went to the condo and found out he doesn’t live there. He stayed for a while in April but never for a long time. So I called him and asked where he stays and he just brushed me off. Imagine – I’ve been dropping him off on that condo for almost 5 months. So where does he live??? I decided to go to his hometown in Tanay and drove at night while raining, crying all the way and scared of what I will find out. This was September 3. I saw his brother and he said he isn’t there. And  they have an emergency. His father was hospitalized. The moment I got home to the unit (with my mom there) I decided to message the girl that A mentioned. Let’s call her T.  Little did I know that I will discover the biggest lies in human history and I was so amazed by how deceiving this guy is. I have no words for my discovery.

 ·         T and P have been together since April 2017. She helped pay the lawyer so he can get annulled. He said the say thing – he is married, she was manipulative, she cheated and she was after the money.

·         She pays for almost everything

·         When they fight – it always seems she is at fault

·         He was on MIA from March 1 – 14  this year and that is because we already started dating. That’s why he isn’t using his phone he turned it off not only to earn my trust but to hide from T

·         April 2-9 he was at KL with T and they had a good fuck trying to get her pregnant too. She went to the OB thinking it was her problem. It was only me who had the guts to have him tested

·         During this time, P said he was in Batangas with his sick grandma (rest in peace Lola) and he even texted me saying the chickens are noise. Lying that way – is so sick

·         June when she just stopped talking to the gilr – july when he blocked her. Yes she may be jealous but it’s because P is such a womanizer and a liar

·         We were at Anilao on April 28 – he sent a picture to T saying he was with friends but he was with me

·         May 19 he was also with me at Anilao – he sent the pictures to T and he said he was with his friends

[untilthestarsburnoutrp]

DIANA AIKO

The weekends were usually a good time for Diana. Isiah would come over and they would watch old movies and binge on their favorite junk foods, or she was invited out on a diner date with Eden. Sometimes the studio was open all day and she would go there and hang out with like-minded theater friends. 

However, this weekend was a dry one. Isiah would be out all weekend, he had prior plans to hang out with his mom and get some cleaning in on the house, and Eden was out doing ‘business’ which left Diana in her room, with a face mask and fuzzy robe, forced to do her weekend spa routine alone for the first time in a while. It’s not like she couldn’t handle being alone, she got enough of that during the school week, the weekends were for her and her friends and now she wouldn’t see them for two whole days. Something about not seeing her friends during their designated group time made her annoyed. 

She played footsies with herself while watching make up tutorials on YouTube, obviously bored out of her mind while the mask was setting. Every so often her nimble fingers would glide over to her phone to check for any notifications but it was unusually dry today, not even a motherly scolding from Isiah about staying in bed all day and eating chocolates. Every minute seemed to drag on until the hours felt like days. Diana got up for only a moment to peel her mask away and moisturize her face before climbing back into bed, face first, onto her pillow. 

A small pinging noise and a hushed vibrate made her head rise. Excited to see who was texting her. She sat up, eyes greeting the home screen only to find disappointment, confusion, and then panic. 

Saf had texted her. Mind you they were never friends before, classmates yes, but nothing more. Diana had given her numbers to both her and Ezra because of the project for Professor Froste. Diana huffed disapprovingly at first because she thought it was her friend Isiah or Eden hitting her up, then a look of confusion strikes her face. What did Saf want? There was no way she wanted to hang out unless the girl was that desperate. Diana still on the home screen, opened her texting app to see the message in its full entirety. There was also a possibility that Saf needed something for the project. “Couldn’t she have just asked Ezra?’ the senior mumbled to herself before her eyes scanned the message. Instantly the tips of her fingers felt cold. 

Saf had asked her if they could work on the project together, at her place. Diana didn’t know how else to feel but nervous. Soon panic rose up in her stomach and she did they most reasonable thing she could think of; call Isiah.

The phone rang at least twice before he picked up the phone. “Dia? What’s up?”

Diana was off the bed and in her closet looking for something to wear. Her voice rag clear with unease. “I’m going over to Saf’s house. She wants to work on the project.”

Isiah had known about Diana’s unrequited crush on Saf for the longest, he also knew that Diana had a hard time with affection. But still found it amusing that his best friend was so nervous about meeting up for a project. “Okay? What do you want me to say Dia? Just go over there and do the work it’s simple.”

“It’s not that simple!” She hissed through the phone, thumbing through the many pairs of jeans she had trying to pick the right ones. “What if she starts asking really personal questions and I say something weird? I’d die from embarrassment Isiah. I’d die.”

Always so over dramatic. Isiah rolled his eyes and ignored the last bit of what she said. “Well, take a deep breath and let’s think about this rationally for two seconds. She has to get to know you, that’s part of the project, so how about you let her see all of the good qualities you have?”

Diana, now trying on a few different pairs of jeans paused, feeling quite offended, “Are you saying I have bad qualities? Isiah how could you?”

“You’re pretentious, rude, self- gratifying and high-minded, and that’s only to name a few.” A soft wine came from the other side of the phone. Up till now Isiah was keeping up right behind in mother while they perused the stores in the mall, but he had to excuse himself due to Diana’s childish tendencies. “Don’t start that, you asked, and like I said, just show her some of your good qualities, like how funny you are, or your love for babies and homeless people, I dunno just make a good impression.”

The Senior finally found a pair she liked and was putting them on, her movements slowed a bit as she listened to what Isiah was saying. “You really think so?”

“Yes, now stop asking, I have to go find my mom, call me later. And please, tell me you answered her text.”

Her mind went blank for a few seconds before she froze up one hand hold her jeans around her legs. “I forgot! Let me do that right n-AH!” In her rare cases of nervous panic Diana became very forgetful and clumsy. With the jeans barely over her thighs she tried taking a step and tripped on the pants legs, falling onto the floor of the closet.

Isiah heard the thump and the groan and frowned, slightly worried she’d hurt herself. “You alright?...”

“Yea, yea I’m fine just tripped over my jeans.”

He tried his best to keep his laughs from showing in his voice. “Okay, I’ll call you later alright? Make sure you answer her.” With that, the line was cut and Diana was by herself again. 

A defeated sigh escaped her lips as she sat her phone down and readjusted herself so she didn’t look like such a slob with her jeans around her ankles. Now collected and jitter free thanks to the conversation with Isiah she grabbed a thick chunking sweater to go with her high waist, loose jeans and ankle boots that were sitting by her bed.

Diana took a look at herself in the mirror, like she always did, admiring her shape and how her outfit complimented her before grabbing her phone with quick haste. Her eyes scanned over Saf’s message one last time before typing a reply.

Of course, I’ll be over shortly, and If it’s not too much trouble would you mind making some tea? It’s cold at this time of day.

-Diana

With the message sent, Diana smiled to herself and gave a curt nod of approval at what she sent. Nothing too bad, just simple. She tucked her phone in her pocket and went looking for her book bag and supplies, once gathered she went out of her room and down the hall to the bed room of her parents. She gave a light knock and waited until she saw her mother’s face peak through the door. “I’m going to Mann house to work on a project.”

Her mother was now standing at the entrance with the door wide open. She was also in her bath robe and slippers. “That’s fine with me, you know when to be home, don’t stay out to late and don’t make any trouble for the Mann’s.” 

They sealed the deal with Diana giving her a light peck on the cheek. “Thank you mom.”

Her mother’s long hair shifted as she backed away to close the door going back to her office attached to their bedroom to work. She was a busy woman and the parent Diana got her work ethic from. The senior was out the door and in the car shortly after their exchange. She’d never been to Saf’s house exactly but the lengthy teen has driven past it enough times to remember. Most of the kids who went to Dunshire lived in the same areas, since they came from wealthy backgrounds, it wasn’t hard to figure out who lives where. 

Diana was in font of Saf’s door in fifteen minutes. Before leaving the car, she looked at herself through the mirror one more time to fix her bob, making sure the little hairs were in place because she hated how wild they got in the wind and cold weather. A silent mantra of good luck was said before she stepped out of the car, as the front door got closer, electricity tingled within her body. Was she excited? Was she nervous? Right now, she couldn’t distinguish between the two feelings as she was so focused on getting to the door. Once on the porch she gave three loud knocks, in case Saf was upstairs or somewhere in the house which made it hard to hear the door.

She was greeted by the face of her classmate, though she didn’t look to excited to see Diana at the threshold. Never the less Diana strutted her way into the house pausing at the parlor to look about. “It’s very homey in here, you can tell there’s a lot of you in the house.” For once Diana wasn’t being rude. It was a genuine compliment. Her family wasn’t too big on affection and interaction, so she could easily read atmospheres in other people’s houses, especially if it was friendly. A small sting of envy shot up in her chest at how loving Saf’s family must be. Without waiting Diana took off her shoes and sat them near the door, a habit she carried with her everywhere, in her home it was uncultured to wear outside shoes in the house cause it brings in germs and dirt. Eyes still wandering around the family home the senior found her way into the kitchen. “Ohhh, what nice counter tops.” If theater wasn’t her passion, Diana would definitely look into being an interior designer. She sat at the stool of the island patiently waiting for the tea she requested before coming. “Where are we going to work on the project? Does your house have a library or little study parlor we could use? Or will we be in the living room?” She didn’t ask about working in Saf’s room, they weren’t friends so it would be an awkward situation.