#Free Bank Account Opening Online

[deyonehogg]

Kotak Mahindra Bank’s official mobile banking app for Android phones.

The Kotak Mobile Banking App, a best in class App, provides banking on the go, which is a must in today’s digital era. If you are not an existing Kotak customer, you can open a Kotak Savings account or an 811 digital bank account by visiting your nearest branch.

[twainshirley7787]

Kotak Mobile Banking app for iPhone

The Kotak Mobile Banking App, a best in class App, provides banking on the go, which is a must in today’s digital era. If you are not an existing Kotak customer, you can open a Kotak Savings account or an 811 digital bank account by visiting your nearest branch.

Source : https://apps.apple.com/in/app/kotak-mobile-banking-app/id622363400

[shetty811]

Latest technologies used in the banking sector

Gaining a thorough understanding of operations can help you perform better. Technology integration in banking has shown a whole new range of capabilities. The global financial services ecosystem is changing quickly due to technological advancements. A thorough understanding of operations can help you perform better, as technology integration in banking has revealed a whole new spectrum of capabilities. Due to technological advancements today, many people apply online bank accounts and enjoy doing banking on their phones. Here you can see about technologies used in the banking sector:

 Wearable technology

Imagine your bank is with you with just a simple gesture or touch. Wearable technology makes it conceivable now but a few years ago, it might not have been. By collecting data via technologies like sensors on smartwatches, fitness trackers, communication devices, and more, wearable technology is designed to give you an immersive experience. To assist in identifying users and prevent fraudulent transactions, these digital gadgets save consumers' payments and other crucial information. Customers can gain insights by interacting with other applications, too. Data is gathered and analyzed with the aid of servers, analytics engines, and decision support tools to assist businesses in making best choices for enhancing customer experiences.

Hyper-personalized banking

Personalized banking experiences increase customer loyalty. For this reason, banks today use a variety of tactics and tools, like omnichannel banking, purchase now pay later, and financial advice tools, to customize their products. For instance, omnichannel banking enables customers to communicate with banks through various channels while offering a uniform, customer-centric picture of their financial information. Personalized advice and investment guidelines are also provided through wealth management and financial advising tools, increasing investor and client satisfaction.

Banking of things

The banking sector is using IoT to collect data effectively. This automates data collecting for expediting banking procedures, including KYC and loans, to provide real-time event response. For instance, IoT-enabled smart, automated teller machines transmit alerts when there is insufficient cash or something wrong, ensuring prompt maintenance. Additionally, customers can make purchases using IoT-enabled digital wallets incorporated into their smartphones and wearables. Due to the real-time delivery of customer-specific data through linked devices, IoT in banking facilitates fraud detection, which reduces loss. Due to the advent of technology, many people fill out bank account online application and open digital bank accounts.

Artificial intelligence 

The greater usage of artificial intelligence in banking is another one of the major banking technology trends that may be anticipated in 2023. Banks can lower financial crime risk and increase fraud detection with this technology. For instance, banking software and applications can use machine learning to monitor real-time transaction data and automatically send notifications or halt transactions if suspicious behavior is found. AI can also aid in the banking industry's process optimization. By cutting expenses and improving the effectiveness of their operations, banks can save time and resources by automating activities. Banks and other financial institutions can use AI to improve customer service and make more accurate choices.

Parting words Hopefully, you will learn about the technologies used in the banking sector. A fast-growing field, banking technology has a wealth of prospects for the financial industry. This technology development stimulates many people to open digital accounts by completing the bank account online application form. 

[haiertv]

Open a zero balance savings account online in a few simple steps!

Welcome To Your Online Zero Balance Savings Account From Kotak! Get an instant online bank account number & CRN (Customer Registration Number) so you can start banking immediately on the Kotak 811 app.

[lokesh27902]

Kotak Mobile Banking App

The Kotak Mobile Banking App, a best in class App, provides banking on the go, which is a must in today’s digital era. If you are not an existing Kotak customer, you can open a Kotak Savings account or an 811 digital bank account by visiting your nearest branch.

[poojalate]

Choose to benefit from Bank Online Account Open

The joy that comes from opening an online banking account is what you need to expect when you have some decisions made. It is not everyone who is able to have these experiences of excitement. Most people have the thought that only the rich can be able to benefit from online banking is not true. The Bank Online Account Open process is for everyone who is interested in it. It is never for the rich alone. It is for you if you want a way to experience smooth methods of transactions and save money online as well. There are a lot of gains that comes with online savings opening. Despite the fact that with land based banks keep reducing their interest rates, you need to know that there is so much more with online banking.

Be sure the details are right

To ensure you do not forget your password or lose track of your login info, it is never bad to open an online savings account that will work for your benefit. One other main benefit or motive behind having these accounts have to do with being able to control your finances. A lot of people do not know how to benefit from this online gambling world which is wrong. No matter where you find yourself, always decide to tap into the unique benefits of online banking accounts. Deciding to move on to Open Online Bank Account App is definitely one thing that never goes wrong. With countless experiences taking over, you will be able to achieve the true value of what it needs to be as a banking system. Banking systems are designed for your benefit. They should be the safe haven where you can save money, make business progress, and more. With online banking, there are several changes you will love and that should be exciting for you to tap into. The apps used will definitely help you to find true fulfillment and excitement in using these apps.

 Decide to take part in exciting banking

 Your ability to sign up for or open an online savings account should be all you think about now. Nonetheless, it becomes very difficult if you cannot identify the right platforms and online banks to be a part of. It is clear to know that a lot of people today keep getting involved in Bank Online Account Open process through hasty decision making. That is not right. So, do not join in on that. When you decide to open online banking accounts, you need to think about the end results. Considering the end results is what you need to be interested in. this helps you to know for sure what needs to be done. This will keep you feeling good and focused as well. When you are able to consider all the pros and cons and realize that online banking accounts will work for you, the gains become clearer. That is always good.

 Conclusion

 You can choose to compare the different Open Online Bank Account App to ensure your every need is met. Also, decide to stick with apps that clearly work for your good. This will make your experience one of the best. There are so many people who regret the use of these apps because they chose the wrong online banking app. So, do your very best to ensure everything is able to work for you through quality research.

[digikhata]

Instant Account Opening: A Hassle-Free Way to Manage Your Finances

In today's fast-paced world, managing finances efficiently has become a priority for individuals and businesses alike. The traditional banking process often involves long queues, paperwork, and a lot of hassle. However, with the advent of digital banking, opening a bank account has never been easier. Instant account opening is revolutionizing the way people access banking services, and Digi Khata is at the forefront of this transformation. In this blog, we will explore how instant account opening works, its benefits, and how you can leverage this service for seamless financial management.

The Rise of Instant Account Opening

Gone are the days when opening a bank account required visiting a branch and filling out lengthy forms. With instant account opening, you can now create an account from the comfort of your home or office in just a few minutes. This is made possible by digital platforms like Digi Khata, which streamline the entire process by offering an easy-to-use interface and secure verification methods.

Digi Khata’s instant account opening service allows users to open a bank account quickly, without any hassle. Whether you're an individual looking to manage your personal finances or a business seeking a convenient way to handle transactions, Digi Khata’s platform makes it simple and efficient.

Benefits of Free Digital Account Opening

One of the standout features of Digi Khata’s service is free digital account opening. Unlike traditional banks that may charge account maintenance fees, Digi Khata offers a completely free digital account opening service. Here are some key benefits:

Convenience: You can open an account anytime, anywhere, without the need to visit a physical bank branch.

Cost-Effective: With no hidden charges or fees, Digi Khata ensures that your digital banking experience is both affordable and transparent.

Time-Saving: The process is quick and easy, enabling users to open an account in just a few minutes.

Paperless Process: Everything is handled online, reducing the need for paperwork and manual submissions.

How Instant Account Opening Works

The instant account opening process with Digi Khata is designed to be user-friendly and accessible to everyone. Here’s a step-by-step guide on how you can open an account instantly:

Sign Up: Visit the Digi Khata website or download the app and sign up with your mobile number.

Verify Your Identity: Upload the required documents, such as your Aadhaar card and PAN card, for identity verification.

Account Activation: Once the verification process is complete, your account will be activated immediately, and you’ll have access to all the banking features.

This entire process takes just a few minutes, making it one of the quickest ways to set up a bank account.

Online Kiosk Banking: A New Frontier

For those who prefer an in-person experience, online kiosk banking is another innovative service provided by Digi Khata. Kiosk banking allows users to perform basic banking transactions, such as deposits and withdrawals, through local agents who are authorized by the platform. This service is especially beneficial for individuals in rural areas or those who may not have easy access to a traditional bank branch.

Digi Khata’s online kiosk banking service is designed to bring financial services to the doorstep of every individual, making banking more inclusive and accessible. Whether you're opening an account or conducting a transaction, kiosk banking offers a convenient and secure way to manage your finances.

Digital Vyapar: Simplifying Business Banking

For small businesses and entrepreneurs, Digi Khata’s digital vyapar platform is a game-changer. Digital Vyapar is an all-in-one solution that allows businesses to manage their transactions, invoicing, and payments through a single platform. With instant account opening, businesses can set up their accounts in minutes and start conducting transactions immediately.

Some of the key features of digital vyapar include:

Easy Invoicing: Generate and send invoices to customers with just a few clicks.

Transaction Tracking: Keep track of all your incoming and outgoing payments in real-time.

Seamless Payments: Accept payments through UPI, bank transfers, or other digital methods, ensuring that your business runs smoothly.

Digi Khata’s digital vyapar service simplifies the financial side of running a business, allowing entrepreneurs to focus on growth rather than paperwork.

Create UPI ID Online for Seamless Payments

One of the most convenient features of modern banking is the ability to create UPI ID online. With Digi Khata, you can easily generate your own UPI ID, which can be used for quick and secure transactions. UPI (Unified Payments Interface) is a real-time payment system that enables users to transfer money instantly between bank accounts using a mobile device.

By creating a UPI ID online, you can enjoy the following benefits:

Instant Transactions: Send or receive money within seconds, with no delays.

Secure Payments: UPI is encrypted and secure, ensuring that your transactions are protected.

No Additional Fees: UPI transactions are typically free, making it a cost-effective way to handle payments.

Whether you're making a personal payment or conducting business transactions, Digi Khata’s UPI feature offers a hassle-free solution for managing your finances.

Open Zero Balance Account with Digi Khata

One of the biggest barriers to opening a traditional bank account is the requirement for a minimum balance. However, with Digi Khata, you can open a zero balance account, meaning you are not required to maintain a specific balance to keep your account active.

Some benefits of opening a zero balance account include:

No Minimum Balance Requirement: Enjoy full access to banking services without the pressure of maintaining a minimum balance.

Free Services: Access all the features of your account without worrying about hidden fees.

Instant Account Opening: Get started with your account immediately and begin managing your finances efficiently.

Conclusion: The Future of Banking with Digi Khata

The future of banking lies in digital solutions, and Digi Khata is leading the way with its instant account opening services. Whether you're an individual looking to manage your personal finances or a business owner in need of efficient banking solutions, Digi Khata offers a hassle-free, paperless, and quick way to get started.

With additional services like free digital account opening, online kiosk banking, digital vyapar, the ability to create UPI ID online, and the option to open zero balance accounts, Digi Khata ensures that everyone has access to the financial services they need.

Embrace the future of finance with Digi Khata and experience the convenience of digital banking at your fingertips!

[aviltwayne]

Kotak Mahindra Bank’s official mobile banking app for Android phones.

[personalfinancewhizz]

Easiest Way to Open Bank Account Without Any ID

We all know opening a bank account is impossible without a valid government ID. But what if I tell you a secret? 

With some tricks, you can open a bank account without any ID. Ahh you might be thinking that I am talking about online banks. 

No, I am talking about legit renowned banks. Such as

Bank Of America

Capital One

Charles Schwab and 

Citibank

So how do you do it?

Read the entire article on Free Bank Account Without Id to find out about the rest of the steps. 

[bitchesgetriches]

Everything You Need to Know about How to Increase Your Income

Make more money at the job you have

One of the simplest ways to increase your income is to just make your current employer pay you more. But while it may be simple, it ain’t always easy.

Santa Isn’t Coming and Neither Is Your Promotion: How To Get Promoted

How I Chessmastered Myself Into a Promotion at Work

The First Time I Asked for a Raise

You Need To Ask for a Fucking Raise

Ask the Bitches: “Can I Quit With Unvested Funds? Or Am I Walking Away From Too Much Money?” 

The Ultimate Guide to Growing Your Salary

Make more money at your next job

All that said, you’re statistically more likely to increase your income faster by job hopping! So if your current employer doesn’t want to pay you more, leave that sinking ship behind in pursuit of a higher salary.

Job Hopping vs. Career Loyalty by the Numbers

The Fascinating Results of Our Job Hopping vs. Career Loyalty Poll

How NOT to Determine Your Salary

When It Comes to Salary Negotiations, Are You Asking for Enough?

What To Do When You’re Asked About Your Salary Requirements in a Job Interview

If Your Employer Refuses To Negotiate Salary, Try These 11 Creative Counteroffers

Season 4, Episode 9: “I’m on the Wrong Career Path. How Do I Convince a New Industry To Take a Chance on Me?” 

Invest your way to more money

Of course there are some who say the true path to wealth is passive income: when you stop working for your money and instead let your money work for you. And they’re not wrong! Here’s how we recommend you increase your income passively.

When Money in the Bank Is a Bad Thing: Understanding Inflation and Depreciation

Investing Deathmatch: Investing in the Stock Market vs. Just… Not 

What’s the REAL Rate of Return on the Stock Market?

Dafuq Is a Retirement Plan and Why Do You Need One? 

Procrastinating on Opening a Retirement Account? Here’s 3 Ways That’ll Fuck You Over.

Season 4, Episode 1: “Index Funds Include Unethical Companies. Can I Still Invest in Them, or Does That Make Me a Monster?” 

Small Business Investing: A Kinder, Gentler Alternative to the Stock Market 

The Dark Magic of Financial Horcruxes: How and Why to Diversify Your Assets 

Make more money through side hustles

When it comes to side hustles, we have traditionally advocated caution. The last thing you want to do is burn out in pursuit of a second income stream. But with enough wits and fortitude, a side hustle could help you increase your income by leaps and bounds.

Romanticizing the Side Hustle: When 1 Job Isn’t Enough

Season 2, Episode 9: “I Use My Free Time to Volunteer. Should I Focus on Making Money Instead?”

Stop Undervaluing Your Freelance Work, You Darling Fool

Freelancer, Protect Thyself… With a Fair Contract 

Season 4, Episode 10: “I’m a Freelance Artist. How Do I Price My Work Fairly Without Losing Clients?”

Ask the Bitches: My Boss Won’t Give Me a Contract and I’m Freaking Out 

“Independent Contractor” My Ass: How to Stop Wage Theft Through Worker Misclassification 

Becoming a Millennial Entrepreneur (In the Midst of a Pandemic) With Katelyn Magnuson 

11 Awful Mistakes I Made as a Self-employed Freelancer, and How You Can Avoid Them

The Magic of Unclaimed Property: How I Made $1,900 in 10 Minutes by Being a Disorganized Mess

I Am a Craigslist Samurai and so Can You: How to Sell Used Stuff Online

What to do when you make more money

Once you increase your income, you might find yourself… not quite bored, but finding you have a little more bandwidth to handle the stuff that matters. It can be a jarring transition! Here are our thoughts on the matter.

Season 3, Episode 7: “I’m Finished With the Basic Shit. What Are the Advanced Financial Steps That Only Rich People Know?” 

Season 3, Episode 4: “The More Money I Save, the More I’m Scared To Lose It. Can I Break the Cycle of Financial Anxiety?” 

How to Avoid Lifestyle Inflation … and When to Embrace It

Ask the Bitches: I Know How to Struggle and Fight, but I Don’t Know How to Succeed

Update: I Know How to Struggle and Fight, but I Don’t Know How to Succeed 

The FIRE Movement, Explained 

I Was Happy to Marry a Poor Man. Then Things Changed.

I Have Become the Rich Relative I Always Wanted 

Believing in Miracles: A Conversation with Chris Dane Owens on Money, Creativity, and Self-Funding Art 

I Now Make More Money Than My Husband, and It’s Great for Our Marriage 

Season 2, Episode 1: “I’m Financially Stable, but My Friends Aren’t. The Guilt Is Crushing!”

The Resignation Checklist: 25 Sneaky Ways To Bleed Your Employer Dry Before Quitting

Advocate for systemic change

We don’t endorse an attitude of “I got mine.” So once you increase your income, there are lots of ways to use your newfound financial breathing room for good! Lift as you climb, my friend. Here are a few ways to do so:

Wallet Activism: Using Your Money for Good with Author Tanja Hester 

Woke at Work: How to Inject Your Values into Your Boring, Lame-Ass Job 

Raising the Minimum Wage Would Make All Our Lives Better

Post a Salary Range in the Job Description, You Fucking Cowards

1 Easy Way All Allies Can Help Close the Gender and Racial Pay Gap

The Truth About Unions: What Has Organized Labor Done for You? 

How To Support a Labor Strike with 3 Simple Steps

Everything in moderation

One last thing, my lambs: don’t crush your spirit while chasing the goal of a higher income. Working hard is hard work. If you find these tactics are leaving you exhausted and demoralized, you might be on the road to burnout. And that road leads nowhere good!

That’s why we just released our glorious new Burnout Workshop. Click the button below to take a peek!

Get the Burnout Workshop Here!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for "using" a cucumber and putting it back in the fridge?

(🥒👌 to find later)

Please, I know it sounds nuts but hear me out. I feel awful and I need to know just how bad this is. Also, I intentionally left as much as possible vague as I am a minor and I do not want this to get removed for being too explicit. But the story will not make sense if I don't include certain things, please understand.

So I (16M) grew up in and currently still live in the bible belt, with extremely conservative evangelical parents. As a taste of what it's like, we have church 3 times a week, and church camp every summer. We are only allowed to access Netflix through a stupid content filter app and we can only use a restricted smart phone that is regularly checked at random by our parents. We get an hour and a half of computer usage every other day, and the internet on the computer is heavily filtered also. The only reason I have access to Tumblr and am able to post this now is because my best friend's older brother gave me his old android for my birthday a few years ago. His family is much more open minded, and I'm very close with them. I also think they have always felt a little bad for me with my family being the way they are.

I'm also gay. Obviously, my family does not know, and I intend to keep it that way. I won't go too deep into it, but it will suffice to say I struggled a lot when I was younger over this. The good thing is that in the last few years, I've been able to accept myself more and come to terms with what my own feelings about religion and faith really are. I came out to my best friend and his brother a little over a year ago, and they've been very supportive. I have yet to tell any of my other friends.

Recently, I've been trying out alcohol since my friends found a hookup. Something I have discovered is that I tend to get lewd feelings when I drink, which has nearly caused a few embarrassing moments around friends. Coincidentally, I have also been experimenting with... certain things. Being a minor, I obviously can't enter any of the adult stores around me, nor would I feel comfortable asking any of my friends to drive me there if I could. I also can't order anything online because my bank account is connected to my parents, and I don't have a shipping address I'm comfortable using for those items either. So instead, I use household objects that belong to me and can be sanitized easily. You might see where this is going.

Yesterday evening, I came home from best friend's house with a full bottle of wine in my backpack. We and a few other friends had already been sipping on a few beers that afternoon, and I still felt a little buzzed. After my family went to sleep, despite already having a little alcohol in my system, I proceeded to get wasted on this bottle of wine in my room. I don't have the clearest memory of all of this, but at some point, I got hungry and lewd-feeling. Went into the kitchen and, through some kind of thought process I can only imagine now, came back into my room with a cucumber. From the title of the post, you can hazard a guess as to what happened to this cucumber. Once I was done, I drukedly and quickly washed it in the bathroom sink and threw it back into the fridge. I went to sleep.

I started freaking out as soon as I woke up this morning. There were four cucumbers in the fridge, I was pretty positive at least two were going to be used for dinner tonight, and I had no idea which cucumber I did the deed with. To make matters worse, my mom was inviting the pastor of our church and his family over for dinner. I have practically no money currently, no license or vehicle, and no friends with vehicles free to pick up new cucumbers for me (and no reasonable explanation as to why I needed them to spot me for four cucumbers specifically). I also have no believable reason to give for why we shouldn't have cucumbers added in the salad mix. My mom knows I love them, and they haven't gone bad. Can't say I ate them because who the hell eats four raw cucumbers? And she'll interrogate both my brother and I until she gets a satisfying answer if I just throw them out. I didn't know what the hell to do about this and I was close to having a panic attack, so... I took a nap.

Evening came. Guests came over, dinner happened. We had porkchops with macaroni and side salads. Cucumbers were in the salad, and I along with pastor's family and my own, ate it like nothing was wrong. My parents, the pastor and his wife had an engaging conversation about politics, religion, and some mild church gossip after dinner. My little brother continued to read his book, and I had a very awkward and one-sided conversation about Young Sheldon with the pastor's daughter. Then they left. And I went to my room to mentally implode.

To say I'm horrified is a major understatement. I don't think anyone is going to get sick because I scrubbed all of the cucumbers with soap multiple times and cleaned the vegetable drawer with bleach when I woke up this morning. I guess I also don't know that the violated cucumber was one of the ones that was used for dinner tonight, but then it's only a matter of days until we have salad again, or if mom cuts one up for water. I've rattled my brain for any way I could get some new cucumbers without telling anyone the details of the event, but I have nothing. Don't even have the money, anyway. Gave up the last bit of cash I had for the damn wine yesterday, and I have $0.43 in total on my debit card.

Admittedly, there is a very small part of me that doesn't even really care if they have eaten or end up eating the damn thing. I can't stand my family. My parents are invasive, controlling and neurotic, and don't give a shit about how I'm doing in so far as it pertains to god and the church. I'm a little more sympathetic to my brother as he's been stuck in this hell with me, but at 13 he's already begun to regurgitate way more religious dogma than I ever did at his age. And I know for a fact that they would want nothing to do with me if they found out I was gay. They'd probably kick me out on the street and spit on me if I had to guess. But even still, this is only a small part of how I feel. What I did was still so gross, and no amount of animosity I have for them can change how mortifed I am. I do have at least a semblance of a conscience.

So...AITA for all of this? WIBTA if I did nothing about the other two cucumbers? Please help.

[deyonehogg]

Ditch the Lines, Embrace Convenience: Kotak Mobile Banking App for iPhone Users

Gone are the days of waiting in long queues at the bank. With the Kotak Mobile Banking App for iPhone users, banking has become a seamless and convenient experience, effortlessly integrated into your daily life.

Whether you're a tech-savvy millennial or a seasoned professional, the Kotak Mobile Banking App caters to your needs with its user-friendly interface and intuitive features. Downloading the app is as simple as a few taps, and you're ready to bank online with complete ease.

For those looking to bank khata kholna (open a bank account), the process is smooth and efficient. No more filling out lengthy forms or visiting branches – the entire process can be completed within the app itself.

So, what are the benefits of using the Kotak Mobile Banking App?

Convenience at your fingertips: Manage your finances anytime, anywhere, directly from your iPhone. Check account balances, transfer funds, pay bills, and recharge your mobile/DTH instantly. No more worrying about banking hours or branch locations.

Effortless account management: View transaction history, download account statements, and manage debit/credit cards – all in one place. You'll have complete control and visibility over your finances.

Seamless bill payments: Say goodbye to late fees! Schedule and automate bill payments for utilities, mobile/DTH recharges, and more. The app even allows you to scan QR codes for quick and easy bill payments.

Invest for the future: Start your investment journey directly from the app. Explore a range of investment options, including mutual funds, and track their performance conveniently.

Premium banking experience: Enjoy exclusive benefits with Kotak's premium banking offerings. Avail priority customer service, dedicated relationship managers, and exclusive investment options, all within the app.

Security you can trust: The app prioritizes security with advanced encryption and multi-factor authentication. You can be assured that your financial information is always protected.

Peace of mind: With 24/7 customer support available through the app, you can get assistance and answers to your queries anytime, anywhere.

Here's what iPhone users are saying about the Kotak Mobile Banking App:

This app is a lifesaver! It's so convenient to check my balance, apply for bank account online, transfer funds, and pay bills on the go. I highly recommend it. - Sarah K.

"I switched to Kotak because of their user-friendly mobile app. It's made managing my finances so much easier." - John D.

"The best banking app I've ever used! It's got everything I need and is very secure." - Emily L.

Ready to experience the future of banking? Download the Kotak Mobile Banking App for iPhone today and enjoy the convenience, ease, and security of managing your finances anytime, anywhere.

**Additionally, Kotak offers various benefits for new users: **

Welcome bonuses and cashback offers on opening an account or completing transactions.

Exclusive discounts and deals with partnered merchants.

Reward points for every transaction, which can be redeemed for exciting rewards.

So, why wait? Make the switch to Kotak Mobile Banking and embrace a world of convenient and secure banking on your iPhone!

[mothhball]

five-finger discount

Pairing | Neil Lewis x Reader

Warnings | 18+ SMUT, DUB-CON, fingering, p in v sex, unprotected sex, blackmail, sex on camera, brief edging, creampie, cheating, cursing, Moth pretends to know anything about movies

Summary | You’ve been trying to make easy money, but you’re not as subtle as you thought. Some lessons need to be learned the hard way.

Words | 4.4k

Notes | FINALLY DONE. and vaguely inspired by 70s porn haha

MINORS DNI

INT. GUMSHOE VIDEO – THRILLER AISLE – DAY

“No, it's not. That's not what she said. Someone is in trouble. Something bad is happening!” squawks a woman from the running TV in the background while your fingers trace over the backs of the VHS as you walk past the shelves.

1 PM on a Wednesday certainly is no rush hour at Gumshoe Video. Even the most annoying film bros don't come here at this time of day to flaunt their knowledge of the craft and subsequent absence of social skills. You're in the clear, pretending to deeply think about your choice in entertainment for the end of the day, even though that couldn't be further from the truth. Throwing a glance over your shoulder, you spot the business owner, entranced by the film that he put on to pass the time, and you can see his plush lips silently mouthing along to the dialog. Cute. And easy to trick.

It's not your first time here. No, you made sure to become familiar with the place over the course of months now, learning where each genre and title has been sorted into its rightful place.

Certain old VHS-tapes can sell for a small fortune online, and for every tape you rent, you take one for free with the plan of selling it to the highest bidder. Currently, you have a stack at home, waiting for you to finally stop procrastinating and open up that damn eBay account.

Your pinky catches on a specific tape. 'A History of Violence', currently estimated to lure an additional 199 bucks into your greedy bank account. Quietly, you pull out the film, leaving a gaping hole in the neatly sorted row as you slip it into your purse.

With nimble hands, you try to rearrange the tapes to make the missing VHS a little less obvious, but in your haste, a few of them escape your clammy grasp and clutter to the ground. A head of silky brunette hair whips around, and you're met with pretty blue eyes as the store owner turns to face you.

You let out a giggle, trying to sound as vapid and innocuous as possible. You’re in character now. The persona you chose? An unassuming, ditzy little thing that’s hot enough to distract him, but stupid enough as to not get suspected of any wrong-doings. You’d say you’re a good actress. A fantastic one, even.

"Sorry," you purr, batting your eyelashes at him. "I'm a little clumsy today." You're already bending over to pick up the tapes when he makes his way over to lend a helping hand, and you make sure to show off your cleavage in an intentionally accidental way. You know he’s into you. You’ve been seeing the heat in his gaze for weeks now, along with the occasional crack in his voice and an almost endearing desire to impress you. It’s his biggest weakness and the reason your plan has been working flawlessly until now.

"Hey, hey, no worries. Uh, gravity wins sometimes. Don't sweat it," he grins at you, brushing his fingers against yours as the two of you work together to put everything back into place.

"What exactly were you looking for anyway?" he suddenly asks, breaking your focus for a second.

"Uh, Moonstruck," you mutter, completely on autopilot. The store owner nods, pursing his lips as he mulls over your answer. You’re aware of your blunder before he even answers.

"Moonstruck? Then you're in the wrong section. You know, with how often you come here, I thought you got the hang of our layout by now." Fuck, he’s got you. Play dumb. Play dumb!

Your poker face almost cracks, but you keep your composure. Or at least you try to. "Huh? Oh - I... right. God, I'm just all over the place today." You giggle again, relieved by the way his grin seems to soften. Hook, line and sinker. He may think he’s detective Sam Spade from ‘The Maltese Falcon’, but you’re Brigid O’Shaughnessy. Or he’s Batman and you’re Catwoman. Or – well, it doesn’t matter. Baseline is, you’re snatching tapes right from underneath his nose while he’s too busy fantasizing about what’s underneath your clothes.

The store owner speaks up again, lazily rubbing the back of his neck as he leans against the shelf, and his free hand wanders and gestures around a bit as if he’s trying to figure out which pose would look the coolest and most effortless.

“Right. Actually, that wasn’t really fair of me.” You tilt your head at him, eyebrows furrowing ever so slightly which prompts him to elaborate. “Some of our tapes went missing. Y’know, some of the oldies and goldies? That’s why I didn’t stock Moonstruck this week.”

Your lips part in surprise, but all you can reply with is a soft ‘oh’. The store owner shrugs, leaning in towards you. There’s something conspiratory about his expression which makes your stomach churn a little. “Yeah. But I do still have it. It’s just in my office.”

There’s a beat of silence as you mull over the unspoken offer. Your plan is built on the one tape you always rent for cheap. No one would think you’re stealing if you’re actually paying for something, right? Despite this, you wonder if you should call it a day and head home with the stolen film hidden in your purse. Alibi be damned.

“I… That’s great. Uh, actually, I was just about to –“ he cuts you off with a casual wave of his hand, and the grin on his face widens once more.

“Don’t worry. I’ll even give you a discount. Just follow me.”

INT. GUMSHOE VIDEO – NEIL LEWIS’ PRIVATE OFFICE – DAY

The private office of Neil Lewis, cinephile and pop culture enthusiast, is decorated with a distinct Film Noir charm, lovingly empathized by leather chairs and a checkered floor. Not to mention the letters on the door. He calls himself a private investigator. A joking title that makes you palms sweat ever so slightly. You notice that he set up a small camera on his desk, but he brushes it off as a regular procedure.

"So... Moonstruck,” he starts, gesturing for you to take a seat. Which you do. “Great pick. Just curious - Why did you go for that one?" The question makes you pause for a second.

"The... the cover spoke to me,” you casually lie, trying to sound somewhat cute, but it doesn’t land. Neil’s expression quickly betrays his skepticism, and his lips part while his narrowed gaze wanders around the room for a minute. "Hm. And what about the other one?"

"What do you mean?" Play dumb, play dumb, play – but he’s not letting you off the hook so easily.

"The other tape."

Silence fills the office, and you swear the VHS in your purse is starting to burn a hole right where it’s settled in your lap.

"Which... other tape? I just picked out this one."

"Ohhh, right. Sorry. My bad. Just… Moonstruck." The way he’s saying this makes it seem like he enjoys the taste of the letters on his tongue. You nod, a little too eager to get this conversation over and done with.

"So you won’t mind me looking through your purse?" Neil leans forward in his seat, folding his hands on top of his desk. Your eyes briefly fall onto the little desk name plate that’s undoubtedly just made out of shiny, golden plastic. But it does the job. It intimidates you. At least to a certain degree.

“No,” you lie through your teeth, trying to shrug off the tension. “I… it’s certainly no problem, Mr. Lewis. None at all.”

Neil lets out an apathetic sigh as he rises from his seat, causing the leather to squeak. His steps seem a little too confident for a video rental owner as he moves around the desk to first walk over to the door and lock it. “Neil is fine. I’m not a big fan of… formalities,” he starts, coming up behind you to set his hands on your shoulders. His hands are gentle but firm, causing your body to warm right down to the deepest layers. To make his control over the situation even more apparent, he splays his hands, tracing your collarbone with his middle finger. It’s subtle enough that he could pass it off as a figment of your imagination if you should choose to speak up. But you don’t. You stay quiet, even as he leans down and you can hear the murmur of his voice right next to your ear.

“Open your purse.”

You bite your tongue, slowly opening your purse to find Cher’s face grinning back at you. It’s Moonstruck. In all of its romantic glory, and it makes both you and Neil freeze for a moment. You lick your dry lips, saying the first thing that comes to mind.

"That's mine."

"Yours?" You wouldn’t know, but his eyebrow twitches upward at your ridiculous claim.

"Yeah. A... personal copy." Great, now you’re doubling down.

"With my name on it?" Silence, yet again. You could basically hear the dramatic music that the producers of any reality TV shows use in the background of any tense scene. But this isn’t scripted. No, all of this is improvised.

"... what are the odds?" you croak, feeling how your throat goes dry in real time. Neil scoffs in reply, shaking his head, and his grip on your shoulders tightens a tad before he lets go entirely. His expression is stern as he steps in front of you, leaning against the desk and crossing his shapely arms over his chest. For a moment, he’s silent, letting his eyes wander all over your form in a slow, appreciative way that makes your palms get sweaty. “You do know I have to call the police, don’t you?”

“What?” Your breath hitches in your lungs, and you blink a few times, almost in an attempt to shake yourself out of this very strange dream. “This… this is just one tape. Isn’t this kind of excessive?”

“Yeah, maybe it’s one tape today. But you’ve been coming here for weeks.” Your jaw drops, but you can’t seem to come up with an appropriate response. You’ve been had. For the past months, you were convinced that he only saw you as a little piece of eye candy wandering through the store, but he’s been seeing right through you all along. Now you definitely don’t feel like Catwoman anymore. When he notices that you’re not going to say anything, Neil continues.

“Did you really think we don’t have security cameras all over the place? Well, I’ve been watching you the entire time, playing along when you pretended to be all ditzy and cute. It’s not just one instance. It’s a whole case, baby. And you’ll go to jail.” That makes you break out of your stupor, and you can feel your pulse speeding up.

“No- wait, no, no, no. Please, can’t we just talk about this for one second?”

“I don’t bargain with thieves.” He’s smug. Too smug for your liking, considering that he’s threatening you with the loss of your precious, precious freedom.

“Please, I’ll do anything,” you plead, fixing him with the biggest puppy dog eyes you can muster in an attempt to appeal to the soft, awkward side of him. And he cracks. At least the tiniest bit.

“Maybe… maybe we can work something out. But I’ll need to search you first. Who knows what else you’re hiding.” He gestures for you to stand, and you get up from your seat, causing the leather cushioning to faintly squeak once again. “Spread your arms. To the side.”

Your expression settles into a pout, but you do as you’re told, much to Neil’s satisfaction. He returns to his previous position behind you and starts by touching your shoulders, slowly trailing his hands down your arms. His fingers leave tingles behind on your skin, and you’re even more aware of how close he’s gotten when you feel his breath on the back of your neck. His cheeky hands continue to wander, making their way down your sides, softly squeezing around your waist before he moves on to your hips. You try to think about it as a TSA search, but it’s a little hard to do when his hands linger for much longer than necessary on your thighs and your calves as he crouches down. Once he’s satisfied, he straightens back up, and you almost think he’s done before he leans in to rasp into your ear.

“You’re gonna have to take your clothes off… so I can search you more thoroughly.”

Your heart skips a beat, and you’re about to protest, but he’s already pulling your top off, tossing it aside before he moves on to your shorts. A sigh escapes him as he pulls them down along with your panties, and he doesn’t give you even a second to recover before he’s gripping and caressing the curves of your body. Leaning his chin on your shoulder, he runs his fingers over your hips, feeling how your skin warms beneath his touch. “Take your bra off.”

“What? There’s no way I could be hiding a tape in there –“ In response, Neil lightly pinches your thigh, causing you to jump a little and let out a soft whine. Seems like there’s no way around it. With shaky hands, you reach behind yourself to unclasp your bra, and Neil leans back ever so slightly to give you the space to move. That is, until your tits are exposed, and his body is glued against yours once more. The feeling of his hardening cock pressing up against your ass sends heat into your core, and you instinctively clench your thighs together. Of course, this catches his attention.

“Ah, so you are hiding something.”

He wraps his arms around you, steering the two of you over to the mirror he hung on the wall next to his ridiculous little costume rack. You watch your own flushed expression as his hand slips between your legs to let his fingers trace over your already wet folds. With a groan, you try to avert your eyes before he corrects you with a rough grope of your breast.

“No. Eyes on yourself. I want you to see the guilt on your face while I search you.”

Reluctantly, your eyes return to the mirror, just in time for him to plunge a finger into your velvety pussy. Your lips part, and as much as you’d like to keep quiet, your resolve crumbles immediately when he finds that sweet spot inside of you. Within minutes, the office fills up with the sounds of your pleasure and the obscene squelching of his fingers in your wet cunt. And he’s thorough in his search, quickly working you up from one finger to three, making your toes curl against the checkered floor. For a moment, he drives you up to that delightful edge, only to pull his fingers out of you at the last second.

You don’t have the capacity to complain when he lifts his hand towards the light, showing off his glistening digits. Both of you are entranced by the sight, and Neil lets out a soft wheeze before he licks his fingers clean.

“Yeah, I made up my mind. Get over to the desk and bend over.”

“I have a boyfriend,” you whine, turning your head to give him your biggest puppy dog eyes.

“Well, you should’ve thought about it before you stole from me. Losing those rare tapes was a financial disaster for me. I’m risking this store. And I’m not gonna do it without something in return.” He finishes his sentence with a light smack to your ass which only manages to get you even more riled up. It’s hard to disagree with him when he knows just how to get you going.

Neil drags you back over to the desk, angling the camera in just the right way before he hurriedly tears his clothes off completely. The sight of his urgency makes your chest fill with butterflies, but you still need to protest. You have to!

“I don’t usually do this… what if my boyfriend finds out?”

“That’s one more reason to behave. You wouldn’t want him to see this little clip, right?” he asks, although the question is entirely rhetorical. You’d love to feel guilty, but you can’t bring yourself to it.

 His hands run from your shoulders down to your hips, kneading your flesh with the attentiveness of a potter crafting a masterpiece, and he leans over you to place open-mouthed kisses down your spine. You shiver, drawing your bottom lip between your teeth to stifle the noises that are threatening to escape your mouth. With a quick movement, Neil reaches under your knee to guide your leg on top of the desk, and you let out a soft sigh when you can feel your arousal rolling down the inside of your thigh as he spreads you open with two fingers.

“You know… nice girls wouldn’t get this wet in situations like these. Then again, you’re a filthy thief, so you’re the furthest thing from a good girl.”

Neil wraps one arm around your waist, pulling you back against his chest so he can latch back onto the side of your neck, sucking and biting while he uses his other hand to guide the tip of his cock against your drooling entrance. His naked skin against yours fills your head with need, and you press up against him a little more to feel him more closely as he slowly pushes inside your velvety cunt. Both of you let out a hiss, and Neil follows it up with a needy whimper as he stills for a moment.

“Fuck… oh fuck,” he breathes, causing your lips to twitch up in subtle amusement. Neil’s hand shakes as he adjusts the camera, making sure to get everything in frame, and in this moment, you clench around him on purpose, causing him to moan right into your ear. “Jesus Christ, don’t do that –”

The slap to your ass is meant to punish you, but it’s doing the exact opposite, and you let him know this by moaning his name. His lips return to your pulse as he pushes his cock deeper into you, stretching you so perfectly that it sends goosebumps over your skin. Or maybe it’s because of his warm breath on your ear. Or his hands diligently kneading your tits. The cocktail of heated touches and sensations is literally making you feel drunk.

“Your cock feels so good,” you whine, causing him to suck in a sharp breath at the praise.

“Yeah?” he chuckles, bottoming out inside of you before he starts to set a slow, sensual rhythm. “You’re such a depraved little slut… getting off on your punishment. If only your boyfriend knew.”

Neil rolls his hips against yours, drawing a moan from both of you that would fit perfectly on the set of a porno. Maybe you’re hamming it up a little to feed his ego. But that isn’t very hard to do when he fills you up so deliciously, making you wetter with every thrust.

You’re already starting to feel breathless when he slowly speeds up, drilling into your dripping pussy with even more fervor. Words are starting to become a little difficult, but you try your best anyway. “You’re better than him. SO much better –“

Your reward is a second smack – aimed at your chest this time.

“You’re damn right I am,” he groans, sucking another hickey into your skin and adding to the little necklace of bruises he’s been placing around your neck. “Suck these for me, will you?”

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion, but it doesn’t last long when he brings his fingers up to your mouth, and you eagerly latch onto his digits, still faintly tasting yourself from earlier. You suck them down to the knuckle, running your tongue in between them in a way that makes him groan and pound your cunt even harder. Once his fingers are sufficiently coated in your saliva, he pulls them free from your lips and reaches between your legs to rub your clit.

The one leg you’ve been standing on threatens to give out immediately, but he holds you up with his other arm, and gently guides your hands into place to better support yourself on the desk. Neil nuzzles his face into your hair, breathing heavily against the shell of your ear.

“If you promise not to steal ever again, I might let you cum on my cock.”

His words are intercepted by quiet grunts and whimpers, and you find yourself agreeing pretty quickly, blabbering out promise after promise.

“I’ll never – never steal again! I swear, I swear, I swear, please! Please, please let me cum –!”

You’re almost not recognizing your own voice due to the desperately needy tone that’s laced through your pleading, but Neil doesn’t mind. Quite the opposite, really, because you can feel his thrusts picking up in intensity. He rewards your obedience by rubbing your clit a little faster, and you have to bite your knuckle as to not cry out his name. Fuck, it’s only noon and you’re approaching your release at breakneck speed.

“Fuck… I – I’m close,” you breathe, turning your head to look at him from over your shoulder. His teeth are back in your neck as he kisses and bites at your skin, and his voice sounds strained as he answers you.

“Go ahead… let go for me. If only your boyfriend knew, hm?”

That’s it. Your orgasm rips through you, and you let out a whine as you claw at the surface beneath you. Neil is generous enough to let you ride out your climax, but you can tell how impatient he is when he suddenly pulls out, swallowing heavily.

 “On your back.” He doesn’t have to tell you twice. It’s a little awkward, but you manage to scramble and reposition yourself, lying back against the desk and looking up at him with flushed cheeks and tousled hair. Neil is in the same state, licking his lips and swallowing dryly as he guides his cock back into your cunt, aided by his thumb on the base of his length.

“Fuck… how can you still be this tight? Shit, FUCK…” He’s cursing and muttering under his breath, having half a brain to readjust the still rolling camera as to not miss a single second. His hands guide your legs around his waist, and he leans over you, staring at you through blown out pupils that clash against the vibrant intensity of his ocean gaze. His pretty face is red, and sweat beads on his forehead, causing his hair to stick to his skin. Without thinking, you reach up to push it back, causing both of you to still for a second before Neil finds his tone again.

“M’gonna fill you up… and send you back home to your boyfriend with a creampie in that pretty cunt. Alright? Alright.”

You can only nod in response, hearing your own racing heartbeat in your ears along with his continued grunts and moans. His hands on you are gentle, but his thrusts definitely aren’t as he pounds you against the desk. Neil’s hips smack against yours, causing every novelty item around the two of you to tremble along to your feverish rhythm. You tilt your head back but he goes after you, finally capturing your lips in a hungry kiss that he’s been trying to hold back from the entire time. But now that he’s rapidly approaching his own climax, the self-restraint is completely out of the window.

Your tongues clash, and you moan into his mouth when his hands find yours, linking your fingers together. Neil’s lips faintly taste of iced coffee as he licks against your tongue, and your grip on his hands tightens when his movements start to become erratic.

Your lips stay locked the entire time, even as he lets out a guttural groan when he finishes inside of you, thrusting into you a few more times to push it in as deep as possible. Finally, he stills and pulls away from you, unable to resist stealing one last peck from your swollen lips. You’re still breathing heavily as his hands roam over your body once more, relishing the feeling of your skin beneath his fingertips. Now that he has material on you and you promised not to steal again, he’s gentle. Almost too gentle, and you have to clear your throat to snap him out of it.

Neil catches himself, blinking down at you with soft eyes while he wipes some sweat off his brow. There’s a subtle twitch in his lips that tells you that he’d love to keep touching you, but he’s aware of the setting you’re in. Almost reluctantly, he pulls out of you to let you retrieve your clothes. While you’re getting dressed, he checks the camera and stops the recording before he speaks up.

“You’re free to go, then. You know what happens if I catch you stealing again, right?”

The question prompts you to nod in response, and you mumble out a “yes” as you pull your top back over your head. Once Neil confiscates the VHS from your purse, you’re free to exit the store on trembling legs, cringing a little at the feeling of your combined fluids leaking into your underwear. But God, this heist was worth it.

INT. YOUR PLACE – LIVING ROOM – DAY

As expected, the house is quiet when you get home, and you let out a deep, satisfied sigh as you throw yourself onto the couch to decompress for a moment.

Not even 20 minutes pass until the front door opens, and you hear familiar footsteps. A lazy smile spreads over your face, and you sit up, watching you boyfriend as he kicks off his shoes and throws his jacket over the coat rack on the wall. He makes his way over, leaning down to press a sweet kiss to your lips, and your vision is filled by ocean eyes and faint freckles. Neil chuckles softly, placing the camera onto the coffee table before he sinks down on the couch next to you and pulls you close. “I’m glad Lucien agreed to take over the rest of the day.” You hum in agreement, closing your eyes when he brushes his fingers through your hair to massage your scalp.

“I think that was our best one yet.”

FIN.

tags: @ellebelleshelby @cilliansprincess @mcumorningstar @x0xomady @mandies24 @detroitbecomevenom @pretty-bluebird @ink5ouls (couldn't tag) @flwrs4aust @vampmary1411 @ashdrinksoatmilk @luvizuku @nnattu @ptolemaniac @kiss-me-cill-me @celebrities-imagines

[knightfuryvawannabee]

Safely navigating DIY T – acquisition and health

A lot of the safety tips in terms of navigating online will come from this video, which is actually about safely navigating reproductive procedures post the overturning of Roe v Wade, but the safety advice works especially well here. If any questions are not answered here please feel free to shoot me an ask. Google Doc for easier navigation, says all the same stuff as here.

First off if you haven't already, check the transmasc guide on the DIY HRT Wiki, this post is made with the assumption you have already read that. -      General internet safety

When searching for and purchasing DIY T (especially injections), use the TOR browser with a VPN. This will keep your internet privacy as secure as possible, and the VPN will change your IP enough to make it look like it was accessed from a different location.

I personally use Proton, it’s a free VPN with an optional paid upgrade. The free version will connect you to either the US, Netherlands, or Japan.

Proton also has its own email service. Some of the sources where you can receive DIY T from may require you to make an account. I recommend using an email through Proton for this because it is end-to-end encrypted. If the site asks for a phone number just put in a repeating order of 0 to 9. 

-      Safety when purchasing T

Some sites where you can get DIY T will only allow the purchase through use of bitcoin or other forms of cryptocurrency. I know and understand we all have our thoughts on crypto and it’s use in the modern day, but unfortunately this is just how things are when navigating this.

The least scam-possible way I have seen when purchasing bitcoin, is to go through CashApp. They have an option to purchase and sell bitcoin in the app. I personally used this when buying DIY T to stock up in the case shit hits the fan. It’s pretty direct in purchasing and selling, sending is where it may get a bit tricky.

The source for DIY T listed on the DIY HRT Wiki will send you an email once you confirm your order, and you will be prompted to send the bitcoin through either a QR code or directly to a bitcoin address. I had a bit of trouble with the QR code, so what I had to do was type in the direct address. This will not bring up the company’s name, it will just allow the option when the address is fully typed.

If you are able to use a credit/debit card, what I recommend is using cash to purchase a prepaid visa and using that to order your T or otherwise online. This will make sure the transaction is not attached to your bank account.

-      Receiving T safely

I highly recommend getting your DIY T sent to a PO Box, and not your home address. The United States Postal Service is in personal experience – really secure and discrete. And even if your package does not fit in your box, you will be given a slip to take to the counter, and they will give you your package there.

When ordering, try to order from a warehouse based in your country. This is to avoid the hassle of it going through customs. But if you must order abroad, it is still very unlikely that your order will be stopped in customs. They do not open packages to check them, instead they use an x-ray machine. If your order does get stuck in customs, it’s likely because there’s an issue with paperwork, and not the order itself.

-      Administering T safely

When performing a T injection, make sure your supplies are sterile. Not just clean, sterile. Inspect the packaging of your syringes, needles, etc. If there is a tear or hole, do not use it.

For your T vials, yes, it is okay to draw from them multiple times. You can sterilize the vial by using isopropyl alcohol (rubbing alcohol) or an alcohol swab. You’re likely to not use the entire vial in one injection, so just keep it in a safe place, many even recommend keeping it refrigerated between doses.

Most if not all T vials will say to administer only via intramuscular, but you can still administer this subcutaneously. Even the vials I get through my doctor say For IM Use Only. It’s okay to administer it SubQ.

If you have trouble administering injections like I did for a while, I recommend this auto injector. You load the syringe into the device and press a button. The needle will go in and you just push the plunger down. This device is technically intended for insulin injections, but it works just fine for other injections.

My recommendation is to use an 18g needle to draw, and a 1/2in 25g needle to inject. This has left me with the least discomfort and uneasiness with injecting.

-      Blood work

If you’re on T, it’s recommended you get your labwork done at least every 3 months.

As someone who’s been given the run around in the medical field for reasons unrelated to my transition, I forever recommend ordering labs from Request a Test. This is something that is very common to do, I even ordered my own ANA test when I had to get other labs done for my work. Request a Test does not take insurance unless it’s through an HSA card. When ordering from RaQ, you will be prompted to select which LabCorp or QuestDirect facility you want the order sent to. I personally recommend LabCorp, especially considering the QuestDirect Testosterone test is only available for males. 

You will want to order at a minimum, a T level total test or a T level free test, and a CBC and CMP. The CBC is to help check for polycythemia, and CMP is to help check your liver function.

If you are worried about you ordering your T levels and that being found out, you can also order an at home testosterone test kit. The blood samples are collected through lancets similar to what is used by diabetic patients.

-      Acquiring T gel

Unfortunately there are not a whole lot of sources to get T gel from. But that does not mean they do not exist.

I personally have been using this brand called Androgenesis in between my injections, and it has been working really well. I take 50mg of T every two weeks, and when I got my bloodwork done recently my levels were >400, even when it’s really close to my next shot day.

You can order Androgenesis either directly from their site, or you can order it off of amazon. NOTE, that the standard formula on amazon can not be sent to a PO Box or amazon locker, because the site classifies it as a “potentially dangerous substance”. However the enhanced formula can be sent to a PO box or amazon locker and it works the exact same way.

Another site is Predator Nutrition (odd name but bear with me).

I am still waiting for my order, but I’d recommend either their EpiAndrogel or their Alpha Gel depending on which one is in stock at time of purchasing.

I also recommend keeping an eye out on Need2BuildMuscle. Their gel is currently out of stock, but from what I’ve seen it works quite similarly to AndroGel.

As of 08/02/2024 (Aug. 2nd), I did find sources for packets of 1% Androgel, which you can find here and here

Please note the brand name Androgel sources are ones I unfortunately have not been able to verify personally so please proceed at your own discretion, but the sources *are* listed on hrtcafe.net.

-      Who to tell?

No one *. If you doctor doesn’t know you’re on DIY T, do not bring it up. Don’t go talking about it all willy-nilly in the grocery store or whatnot.

*The exception is paramedics. If you are having a medical emergency, it’s probably a good idea to tell any emergency medical provider that you’re on testosterone so they can treat you properly. Remember, tell the cops nothing, tell the ambulance everything. The people on the ambulance are there to save your life, and I can guarantee they’ve dealt with circumstances far more severe than someone self-administering a specific hormonal medication. I say this as someone who’s on first aid at their place of work – and had to patch someone's hand after they were injured when I worked retail. 

tagging @mythical-moonlight

[digikhata]

Top Benefits of Creating UPI ID Online for Secure and Fast Transactions

Did you know that UPI transactions in India surpassed 78 billion in 2023? This staggering figure highlights the growing preference for digital payment methods. If you Create UPI ID online that not only simplifies transactions but also enhances security, making it a popular choice for millions. 

In this article, we will explore the top benefits of creating a UPI ID online for secure and fast transactions.

Understanding UPI

Unified Payments Interface (UPI) is a revolutionary payment system in India that allows users to link multiple bank accounts to a single mobile application. This platform facilitates instant money transfers, enabling users to send and receive money seamlessly. By using a unique UPI ID, individuals can conduct transactions without needing to remember lengthy bank details, making payments quick and efficient.

Key Benefits of UPI

Instant Transactions: Transfer money in seconds with an instant UPI account, available 24/7 for all your needs.

User-Friendly: Create a UPI ID online and link multiple bank accounts to easily manage your finances from one place.

Enhanced Security: UPI uses two-factor authentication, making it one of the most secure payment methods available.

No Fees: Most UPI transactions come with zero charges, making it a cost-effective way to send or receive payments.

Quick Bill Payments: Automate your bill payments directly through UPI, ensuring you never miss due dates again.

QR Code Convenience: Scan a QR code to pay, making UPI ideal for both businesses and customers.

Digital Vyapar: UPI simplifies business transactions, supporting digital vyapaar with fast, seamless payments for small and large enterprises.

24/7 Accessibility: UPI operates round-the-clock, allowing you to make secure payments anytime, anywhere.

Why Choose Digi Khata for UPI Payments

Digi Khata offers a user-friendly platform for managing UPI transactions, making it an ideal choice for those looking to create UPI ID online. With Digi Khata, users can open instant UPI account with ease, ensuring a seamless payment experience.

Benefits of Using Digi Khata

Free Digital Account Opening: Users can open free digital account online, making it accessible for everyone.

Instant Account Opening: Instant account opening process is quick and efficient, allowing you to start transacting immediately.

Kiosk Banking Service Online: Digi Khata provides a convenient kiosk banking service online, enhancing user experience.

Support for Various Users: Whether you're a student, housewife, or professional, Digi Khata caters to all with tailored digital account solutions.

By choosing Digi Khata, you can effortlessly open an instant UPI account and enjoy the benefits of digital transactions.

   How to Create UPI Account with Digi Khata

Download the Digi Khata App: Install the Digi Khata app from the Google Play Store or Apple App Store.

Register with Your Mobile Number: Use the mobile number linked to your bank account to register on the app.

Verify OTP: Enter the One-Time Password (OTP) sent to your mobile number to verify your account.

Link Your Bank Account: Select your bank from the list and link your account with Digi Khata.

Set UPI PIN: Create a secure UPI PIN by entering your debit card details and verifying it with an OTP.

Create Your UPI ID: Customize your UPI ID as per your preference (e.g., yourname@bank).

Start Transacting: Once your UPI account is created, you’re ready to make secure and instant payments!

Conclusion

In today’s fast-paced world, managing finances should be effortless and secure. When you create a UPI ID online with Digi Khata, you’re not just opting for speed and security but also unlocking a world of possibilities—from instant account opening to kiosk banking services online. With tailored solutions like a zero balance account for students and digital accounts for homemakers, Digi Khata ensures that everyone has easy access to fast and reliable transactions. Start now and take control of your finances with UPI!

[fujocoded]

Funding FujoCoded: Stretch Goals!

It’s time! With our first goal met (🎉 thank you!), let’s talk about stretch goals. We have quite a few planned, so we're going to go through them one by one and explain what they are and why we chose them!

Before we go down the list, here's something fun:

Sticker Unlock: At 45 backers, we also unlocked one more sticker!

The goal of our campaign is to cover business expenses most of all. The unlocked content is an extra token of gratitude for your support that also helps us meet our own targets! 

With that said, let's get to our stretch goals...

$4,000: "That's Why I Ship On Company Time" Ao3 Sticker

At $4,000 we'll unlock one more sticker design that you can add to your collection! 

Our first version of this "shipping" sticker features VSCode and a terminal, but there's more than one type of shipping... here's to the other one!

$5,000: "Using NPM with Javascript" Article

Next up, we have our first article. Our plan is to add an Articles section to @fujowebdev where we'll collect simple, free guides to help beginners get past the roadblocks we see them encounter!

This first one will cover the basics of NPM, a core element of modern JavaScript!

"How do I install this JavaScript library? How do I run this open source JavaScript project? How can I get started creating my blog using a tool like @astrodotbuild?" are some of the most common questions we get in our Fandom Coders server. 

Let's give *everyone* the answer!

$6,000: Offering Website Art Prints

Next up, we'll turn the excellent art on our website into prints! These will be (probably) 8x10-sized art prints that will look amazing without breaking the bank. Full specs soon!

...and speaking of the site, you have tried moving the windows, right?

$7,000: "Catching Up With Terminal" Article

Next, another common issue for beginner developers: how to start learning how to handle the Terminal.

This will require some research to determine the major roadblocks, which is how our project operates: active learning from those going through it all!

$8,000: "Crucial Confrontations" Article

And last (for now), something very dear to us: an article extracting some wisdom from the book "Crucial Confrontations": https://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Confrontations-Resolving-Promises-Expectations/dp/0071446524

This may seem like an unusual choice, but it highlights how our teaching goals go beyond programming to cover collaboration!

After years of working within our community, we repeatedly found that developing effective communication and confrontation skills helps our collaborators thrive. Unfortunately, the world doesn't teach us how to effectively (but kindly) hold each other accountable.

Some of our most involved collaborators have read this book and found the tools within it transformative. Given this experience, we deeply believe that making some of this wisdom easily accessible (without having to read the full book) will allow all of us to collaborate better!

If we can reach $8,000, this will enable us to test this hypothesis and learn how teaching soft skills beyond programming influences what we're able to achieve! It's a bold idea, but we're excited to see how it turns out in practice.

Help us make it there!

And that's all...for now!

If you want to hop on Twitch right now, you can join us as we put some extra polish on our shiny new FujoCoded website.

And remember, you can back our campaign here to help us achieve these goals and more: