#Fucking dweebs JUST FUCK ABOUT IT

[banannabethchase]

Not Really a Dick Pic - also on AO3

~

Pairing: Danny/Yuta

Rating: T, for excessive discussion of boners

For @wrestleprompts Week 4: asking permission to send a dick pic. This is a crackfic. This is chaos and nonsense and...I almost feel the need to apologize. Warnings for: excessive use of the word dick, mildly horny medical concerns, and bromoerotic interactions.

~

Wheeler blinks down at the phone. He closes the text app, and opens it again to make sure he’s reading it right.

Yup.

dude I think u broke my dick can u check

Wheeler sighs. He’d been hoping he’d been struck with an acute case of wishful thinking or word-based hallucinations, but nope. This was Danny Garcia, who he had just flattened in a tag match, asking him to check his dick.

Am I really the one to ask? I’m not a doctor.

yah but ur the 1 who did it so

Wheeler is sure he’s going to regret this. Go ahead and send me the picture.

He braces himself and tries to convince himself he won’t be a creepy combination of unprofessional and horny. It’s not really a dick pic. It’s a medical concern, possibly medical emergency, that his colleague is asking for help about. A boner is inappropriate. His, or Danny’s. He’s about to see Danny’s boner.

Oh boy.

His phone dings and Wheeler’s hands are, to be fair, a little shaky. It’s not because he’s into it. He’s not anticipating anything. He’s concerned for the wellbeing of his colleague.

Exhaling slowly, he opens the photo.

“Huh.”

It’s clinical, he tells himself, the way he examines the image. He notes a gentle curve to the left, a red-purple color, and thinks about the gory parts of Grey’s Anatomy to remind himself he’s here as a clinical support.

What’s the issue?

its bent it doesnt usually bend

Yeah, go to the doctor, man. This is not my area of expertise.

There’s a few minutes, and then there’s a phone call. “Why’d you land on my dick, anyway?”

“Hello, Daniel, nice to speak to you,” Wheeler grumbles. “Your dick looks fine.”

“But, like,” he huffs on the other end of the line. “You fell on my dick during the match. Why’d you fall on my dick?”

“I don’t know, man!” Wheeler finally says, throwing his free hand in the air. “Jesus, you can’t send a guy a dick pic and expect him to know how to deal with it.”

The other end of the line is quiet. “It wasn’t really a dick pic, technically.”

“It was close and I got flustered,” Wheeler retorts. He takes a deep breath. “Okay. I don’t notice anything wrong with your dick, okay? But, I, uh. I might not be the best reference, since I’ve never seen your dick before.”

“Would you want to?”

Now it’s Wheeler’s turn to go silent. “What?”

“Ignore that,” Danny says. “Fuck. I don’t know. I’m gonna, like, go to urgent care, get this checked out. And then next Wednesday I’ll come find you and – and apologize for the dick pic.”

Wheeler can’t fight a smile. “I thought you said it wasn’t a dick pic.”

“It wasn’t!” Danny says. “Stop – you broke my dick, and you’re making fun of me.”

“Wait a second,” Wheeler says, “does that mean – did you have a boner during our match?!”

“You and Claudio were – I had to – shut up!”

“Danny,” Wheeler says, “do you wanna get railed by Claudio?”

“No!”

The only other option hits Wheeler like a train. “Um. Do – do you want to –”

“Signal’s going out,” Danny says, “can’t hear you. Talk to you next week.”

Wheeler is left, baffled, staring at his cell phone. When the call closes, it goes back to the photo of Danny’s dick.

He allows himself to look at it, for real this time. “Goddamnit,” he mumbles. “This is the best dick I’ve ever seen.”

~

Full disclosure, this started as a HangMox fic, and then I realized that Mox isn't quite this much of a dumbass. But you know who is? Danny Garcia.

[averygayplant]

I keep seeing people like look at Jay like "Who is this uwu fuck and what has he done to my asshole" and like guys idk how to break this to you but Jay done did pulled what's known as a 'character development'.

Oh, also his separation anxiety got, like, EXPONENTIALLY worse.

[just-french-me-up]

If you haven’t already gotten “Wait a minute. Are you jealous?” for a dream x reader prompt, that is a. criminal because b. the possibility of jealous dream? incredible

Rating : M / E  Light Smut & Angst

Author’s note : We’re going by Nada rules AKA “The Endless can’t be fully intimate with a mortal otherwise tragedy will befall said mortal” because it makes the tension *chef’s kiss*

Also, for all intents and purposes, feel free to picture Sam Smith’s Unholy playing in the background during that one part (you’ll know the one, trust me)

Also also : Nameless 3rd person Reader, no (Y/N)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

There were many things Dream of the Endless did not care for in this twenty first century Waking world. Single use plastics. Turnstiles. Increasingly complex and flat communication devices. The energy humanity put into destroying its own world to benefit but a select few. And nightclubs.

The appeal of nightclubs befuddled him. Cramped spaces filled with loud booming music, blinding stroboscopic lights, bodies flushed against each other, the sweat and sultriness of it all. A place fit for Desire, not the Lord of the Dreaming.

Yet, there he was, his back to a dark wall, his presence barely noticed by those surrounding him, his gaze fixed on the dancefloor. Yes, nightclubs were a ridiculous and tasteless invention, but he could bear it. As long as got to see her dance.

She had begged him to join her before, many times, to no avail. He much prefered to be a spectator. And what a spectacle it was.

Under the lights, her dress shone like a thousand stars, shimmering, burning in the darkness. Her skin was painted with flashes of ever-changing colours, hues shifting over her in a bewitching dance of their own. She was nothing short of mesmerising.

Which, to his utmost displeasure, he was hardly the only one to notice.

Seduction seemed to have been reduced to its bare minimum in the last century. Gone were the days of courting; now men simply hovered around women in confined places, vaguely swaying left and right to catch their attention. Dream would have found it laughable, had a man not closed in on his lover.

She was quick to notice, taking a subtle, yet notable sidestep to thwart his advances, turning her back to him. Oblivious to her refusal, the man came closer still. Dream clenched his jaw, his eyes intently following the man's hands. His crude fingers ghosted over her spine, travelling down the small of her back. Dream tensed. The man lowered his hand, seeking flesh.

The loud music covered a sharp pained shriek.

“Man, what the f-”

“I think that is quite enough,” Dream said, his voice low and threatening as his grip on the man’s wrist tightened even more. He yanked him back, letting go of him once he stood at a reasonable enough distance. The man stared at him with a mix of confusion and anger, his other hand massaging his sore wrist. For a second, he seemed to steel himself for a fight, before retreating to another corner of the dancefloor.

“I could have dealt with him.”

“You certainly would have,” Dream agreed, his eyes glowering at the man until he was out of sight. 

A warm hand settled on his chest, soothing the tension in his body somewhat.

“Finally decided to join me, then?” she gently teased, in an attempt to distract him further. Dream blinked slowly at her. Specks of glitter glistened on her cheekbones. Gods, she looked exquisite.

“I’m afraid I have yet to be convinced. Although, perhaps, it would keep these vultures away.”

His hand itched to settle on the small of her back, where the stranger’s hand had been. To keep her close, he told himself, although he knew it was nothing but a half-truth.

“I told you,” she soothed. “I can deal with one man and his delusions.”

Dream let out a humourless huff.

“There is far more than one man having unconscious wanton thoughts about you.”

His lover frowned, taken aback.

“Morpheus... Is this-. Are you-? Are you jealous?”

He did not answer. What was there to say? How could he word the torment it caused him, to know other men desired her? Men who could have her. Men who would not doom her to ruin if their let their desires get the best of them?

Her hand traveled down his chest to link her fingers with his. She gave his hand a soft squeeze. If physical touch in public was not his way, he welcomed it, for once. For the comfort of it. For the warmth.

“They’re nothing.”

She flashed an encouraging smile, tugging slightly at his arm.

“Let’s go, shall we?”

“You were enjoying yourself!” Dream protested.

“Perhaps, but I’ve decided I would also enjoy myself at home.”

“My love-”

The rest of his sentence was drowned in another boom, as she walked off the dancefloor, pulling him forward. He let her lead, thankful to be freed from the stifling atmosphere soon. As she walked on, he caught himself gazing at her, wondering what she would have done, had it been him touching her on that dancefloor. There was nothing unconscious about his wanton thoughts.

They made their way to an empty corridor leading to the exit, its walls painted red by the dim lights hanging overhead. The sequins of her dress shone like a beacon in the low light. Otherwordly. It was not anger raging in Dream’s chest anymore. It was something deeper. Wilder.

He tugged on her arm, stopping her in her tracks. Pulling her against him, he lead her to a wall, resting her back against it.

“It is not jealously I feel, love of mine,” he murmured, his lips ghosting over hers. “Jealousy is a trifle thing, a childish thing.”

His hands slowly slid up her thighs, delighting in the heat of her skin. Their eyes met in the darkness.

“It is envy I suffer from. I envy the hands of every man who has ever touched you.”

His own hands ignored the hem of her dress, pulling the fabric up until he uncovered the top of her thighs, his fingers digging into her skin. He could feel her shivering at the touch, her chest rising against his. The heady scent of her perfume made his head spin.

“I envy every man who has ever given you pleasure.”

“Morpheus...”

His fingertips met the fabric of her underwear. His breathing hitched as he felt her legs shift slightly, inviting him closer. How easy it could be. How natural it would be to fall into this embrace and take her, love her, pleasure her right there. To listen to her moan his name and to answer with hers. How good, utterly perfect it would be, for an eternal second, until the Universe rained down its fury upon them. 

Dream swallowed hard and lowered his gaze. Reluctantly, his hands slid back down her legs, smoothing down the fabric of her dress. He could feel the tension melt away from her body.

“Forgive me,” he whispered witsfully, pressing his forehead against hers.

She raised a hand to his cheek, holding him close.

“There’s nothing to forgive,” she breathed out

“I have been reckless.”

She lowered her fingers under his chin, coaxing him into looking at her.

“Take me home, yeah?”

“Of course.”

Send me a prompt? [1]  [2]  [3]

[comradecowplant]

disco

disco

diSCo

DISCO

!

[blowflyfag]

Theres many wrestling video games out there, but did you know that wrestling pinball machines exist as well?

Say hello to the Royal Rumble Pinball machine! On this machine you find yourself participating in a battle royal against all your favorite superstars! Collect belts, pin wrestlers, see your favorite superstars and hell you can even raise The Undertaker.

From personal experience i have played this machine and i think its awesome personally! It's a very interactive machine, the start button also acts as the button you must press to hit people with steel chairs and pin your opponents. It also has pixelated themes of the wrestlers once you get them as well as commentary from Vince and Bobby the Brain.

below are gonna be some more pics of the machine

[hecksupremechips]

Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩

[anissapierce]

Shit like this is why i wanna have a scholastic excuse to write sth long stupid n heavily sourced about homophobic jokes in sitcoms of the late nineties,2000s n 2010s. If they did this today theyd be accused of queerbaiting n not wht they were doing (homophobic not wht u think visual joke)

[todayisafridaynight]

Where do the Arakawas stand on the issue of 1 billion lions vs. 1 of every pokemon

"That's a lot of lions...": Arakawa

Trying their damnedest to explain Pokemon and how a billion lions would have no chance: Ichi, Mitsu

Absolutely refuse to get involved: Masato, Sawashiro

[mummer]

ok watched the first 2 eps of ripley im not even mad girls im just confused. why is he so. charmless. even slimy? they really commit to them being in their thirties so like the entire premise doesnt make any sense anymore like you are grown ass men be SERIOUS. the whole subplot with the suitcase is extremely weird and telling abt how they characterize tom— it would make sense if he was like 20 and a bit naive which hes supposed to be. youre telling me a supposedly street smart fully grown man thought drug running would be a hilarious lark and easy to sell to dickie? you’re nuts if you think that. like the big thing i keep coming to is that this tom doesnt even seem smart! what are we doing the UNTALENTED mr ripley here?? it’s like his whole thing that he’s extremely clever in a tight spot and a great bullshitter (bound to fail eventually but not an idiot) but im not getting that from this at ALL! i have no idea why dickie would find him charming enough to keep around and i have no idea why tom wants(/wants to be?) dickie. everyone is flat and lethargic seeming. the whole pace is lethargic. the best part of the book is this constant pace of events that wont let up it has urgency. but stretched to 8 eps we’re left lazing around. and thats not even touching the weird way they handle the gayness of the story. so it’s not gay but he is gay but not really and it doesnt matter. huh? rn it’s like they barely even seem like friends at all. you dont understand why dickie would let tom live with him. they need to be at least platonically enamored by one another for the premise to make LOGICAL SENSE. the cinematography is so deeply beautiful and gorgiana but like… in service of what???? They wont let my boy andrew scott have interesting emotions im furious rn.

[purplepiratefaerywitchthing]

BREAKING NEWS: Nerd Lord Disables Fully Loaded Gun w/ Single Children's Playing Card.

"I was just trying to rescue my brother from the one-eyed creep and his Big Stupid Castle" says Nerd Lord. Man with gun refused to comment.

[halodwolf]

i hope this person dies actually

[gorgeousgalatea]

New headcanon that Cyno became General Mahamatra by committing to the bit too hard

[essektheylyss]

I AM attempting to read at least four books this weekend and that IS ridiculous but alas, here we are.

[bones-and-whatnot]

Larry Koopa’s characterization has not been especially consistent over the years, but in my head, he’s like a kid’s protagonist from the 90s.

A nasally-voiced twerp who thinks he’s hot shit, is rude to everyone for no apparent reason, and acts like he’s the cleverest person ever for saying some shit like “Whoah, clean-up on Aisle DORK!” after he wins a fight.

[persephonaae]

Ok ya I just looked through my clothes and I think my Halloween costume this year is just gonna be “Nadja but with things I already have in my own closet”

[barbie-nightmare-house]

Tips on getting barbecue sauce out of hollow laptop charger? I was eating nuggies and got excited