#HOLY FFFFFFUCKING Shit

[the-floof-lover]

So....this is an old draft that I forgot to post:

Hey guys! My school is hosting a character dress up day, and I thought I'd go as Alastor. Wish me luck

The aftermath: turns out it was only for book characters....but since alastor originally came from zoophobia, I was allowed. Also, 50 kids recognized me, and some brat screamed "HOLY SHIT ITS THE GUY FROM FORTNITE!!" so...I will never forget that. Oh, and my adorable girlfriend dressed up as a warrior cat, which was perfect because she's a furry. Oh, and the cane broke....so I could go "ffffffuck" and then launch myself back against a wall. That hurt...

[callmearcturus]

hey so

i have no idea how this happened bc i REMEMBER doing a full album listen when it cam out

but I just heard "Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea" for the first time

i have NO IDEA how???? like when i did my album listen did i accidentally skip the OPENING SONG?

THIS FUCKING ALBUM STARTS WITH THAT FUCKING DRUM?

jesus fucking christ what a fucking song

patrick your VOICE? like there's a lot of times i'm like "aaaah patrick, voice of an angel" but

i think.............. i love his voice here more than any other song? sssssomething about how he yo-yos up and down on the volume and the speed up/slow down cadence he's doing and the FULLNESS of his voice

ffffffuck me? holy shit.

[chipthekeeper]

one last Acolyte commentary drop, just for me because i'm sure no one else cares:

- One last Acolyte night, maybe for the season, maybe forever. Will we find out? I doubt it

- I truly don't know what to expect from this. Keeping my hopes low. Haven't been too excited about it all day, so probably won't be let down if I think it's missing things.

- We don't get an episode title?

- They can't fuck with Vernestra. I'm gonna disown this whole thing if that happens

- (Qimir/Osha stuff in the previously on section) [exhausted sigh] Forgot I have to deal with this shit again

- I was about to get all excited and say, oh god the next time I get to do this it's gonna be Andor, but that'ssss not true. It's gonna be a show that we know fucking nothing about

- Dry your hair, freak

- (Mae freaks out in the helmet and Qimir gets possessed? by someone???) What the fuck?.....What the ffffffuck is happening?....Is sh…she possess him?? I'm so fucking confused already….What the hell? [incredulous chuckling] 

- [whispers] What is fucking happening? What? What?

- “The future isn’t fixed” Okay Yoda ((heh, foreshadowing))

- (Sol’s just sitting on the floor) Don’t you have a chair?

- “See you in hell, Jedi” [cackles] What a line. Welcome back, Han

- [lots of delighted giggling as the chase through the ring starts] Dude!!!....It’s not the Eye but it’s pretty sick…..Targeting computer!!

- [perfect Maverick impression] hit the breaks, he’ll flight right by…….okay maybe not right now

- (Bazil yelling) Too bad Yord’s not here to…tell us what the fuck that was

- Awwww she's going to be nice even to evil Pip. Why did you have to make him evil if you're going to be nice to him?

- [perfect Obi-Wan impression] Another happy landing…….And I don't mean that ironically. How are they so–

- (Mog appears) His face is…..difficult. I have to go yell at a cat

- Who’s this guy? Oh that's that guy

- “I think the Jedi are a massive system of unchecked power, posing as a religion. A delusional cult that claims to control the uncontrollable” Well you had me in the first half

- Alright, Mr. Shady Guy Senator. That's never gone wrong before

- (Osha and Qimir shit) [another exhausted sigh] I'm just not interested in this…..Hey you put your dumbass cape on backwards again

- Already a third of the way through and nothing has—WHO THE FUCK IS THAT!!??!?! OH my GOD…Holy shit. So that was..Plagueis. Right..? Oh, my g—as I’m saying nothing has happened [laughs] Alright Leslye, you got me

- (Vernestra trying to talk to someone but not Sol like I thought) What the–what? What? Who is she trying to talk to? [whispers] What the fuck….?

- Bro, I'm…….so scared

- [theorizing mumbles] So Qimir is being puppeted by Plagueis….who learned…how to do that from….Koril..possibly? And Aniseya?......doubtful but again I’m…so fucking confused....

- “Or we could climb” I was going to say, you can fucking climb up the side obviously we've seen

- (Qimir straight up disappears) The fuck? Is he even real? Everybody's thirsting over this guy and he's just like a dead puppet probably. That’d be really funny to me. He's like actually a silly little guy called Qimir but…gets puppeted…by this ugly motherfucker

- (Mae climbs out of the pit) And we've come full circle!

- (Qimir talks to Sol through his helmet) I’ve got PTSD from that voice now

- Don’t have your gauntlets on this time, you can only use your head. You have to risk getting your neck chopped off

- Ooooh! Oh, bitchin’.....Wire work hello. That was cool

- A lightsaber battle in broad daylight where they can't use a weird—very nice. Woah! Aw, why didn’t he chop his leg off?

- (Sol does that move to deflect the lightsabers) Ohohoho okay!!! Okay!!! Let's gooooo!!!!

- [creaky door groaning]

- Fuck fuck fuck…..Noooooo, evil Pip!!!

- (sister fight) This is some impressive shit

- So glad they’re not in the fucking Volume

- Well, look who's here. So Vernestra was in hyperspace again and we didn't get to see it AGAIN??

- Wait, is it Vernestra? Or is it someone worse? Zombie Yord. I hope it's Zombie Yord–no, he would come in a Vector. Zombie vector

- Short his own lightsaber on his own helmet!!!

- Gotcha, bitch

- Stab him in the faaaace!! For Yord!! For Jecki!!! Do it. I know I was mad at you for killing somebody last time, but you should really do it this time…..(he doesn't) of course

- No, Mae…Why? Wait ooh let her kill him. Ooh yeah, there we go

- “I want him to face…the Republic” That's not gonna happen

- (Osha starts choking Sol) Jesus. Okay….Dude. Okay [nervous chuckling] Hot damn….yeah this is way more painful than if she’d used the lightsaber

- (kyber crystal starts bleeding in the saber) Oh!!! Bleeding in real time and she's not even holding it in her hand!!!! Hot shit, oh my god. That’s fucking awesome

- Wow. Spend one day with a naked guy and this is what happens

- [there’s simply no way to describe the noises I made when the lightsaber turned red] YOOOOOHOHOHO. That’s. FUcking. Sick. Oh my GOD. The music!!!!

- All these Jedi gonna die too? Fucking shit

- What is that guy? Hellooo what species are you?

- Oh the hood up [scared groaning]

- I'm so nervous. We’ve got so many red shirts….and Mog

- Use the tracker? What?

- Use that light whip to fuckin’ take his head off. I'm ready. Let's go

- So cute they're back together, I hope nothing happens!!

- Oh that tracker. He has a name!!!!!

- Alright now what? Now we're just at a tree

- You two kill that guy and then go run off together. It doesn’t–nothing else matters, just get rid of this motherfucker [angry grunting] fuckin’ hell

- BAD IDEA!!!! Ew

- I don't like this….better be getting season two or I swear to fuck

- Tell me Pip was recording everything

- “They say I killed someone?” Killed a few someones……..well just two I guess

- Well we had one funeral at least……..This hurts man….

- “A pupil of mine, before he turned to evil” Ah eh oh! [Leo pointing meme] That was a very Obi-Wan line. God dammit. Don't Obi-Wan Vernestra!!! God that pisses me off [sad chuckle]

- Season two tease or we riot. Like you can't just say hello Plagueis is here and then—(shippy stuff happens) Ew, stop that! Stab him!!!!

- Gonna have to sit through years of this shit now. Ew.

- Here's Yoda! Yep [laughs] Cute. So what is she going to tell him? Everything and he's going to cover it up even more. Yeah. Wow

- Alright. That was good and fun, but I'm upset and have questions still so….Pretty much what I expected

- That was a lot of fun though, and that's mostly what I care about for this. Lots of fun. Looked cool. Had me yellin’. I'll take it

[flame-shadow]

Finally got around to playing more of the Pale Court mod

My progress and thoughts under the cut:

Isma. ffffffuck the adds. holy shit. She herself is fine. I can read her, dodge her, and hit her with little issue. BUT THE FUCKING GULKAS !!!!!!!

I am not good at parsing events where there are many moving pieces. I do not do well in bullet hell scenarios. Never have. Too much visual information, might give me a headache.

So Isma's fight was r o u g h for me. I managed it!!! But it took a few hours. And I got Very frustrated at one point. I took a break once I recognized this, but it does ruin some of the fun to be frustrated for something that I can only be so consistent at. Hegemol took me an hour or two to beat, and he definitely challenged me too, but I enjoyed his fight. Unfortunately, I did not enjoy Isma's fight thanks to the gulkas. The fool eaters were obnoxious but significantly less awful than the gulkas.

But I beat her. I don't wanna fight her again, though. Not unless the adds are gone.

She was the final knight for me to beat!

So then, I went to the Abyss and did that whole thing. Took me a little over half an hour. A fun challenge! It wasn't easy, but it wasn't crazy difficult. I like how the Abyssal Bloom looks, but I do not like its effect when equipped. Kinda hurts my eyes to flash to the shade only for nail swings.

Then, I remembered seeing mentions of Tiso, so I figured whatever trigger for him would be in Kingdom's Edge. I checked his corpse first, then I went through all three Trials at the Colosseum. Then I dramatically complained to a couple friends about not being able to find him. ... then I realized that he's probably in Godhome.

And yeah, there he was XD

I engaged him a couple times, and he's killed me each time. I like what I've heard of his music, and so far his gun attack has managed to damage me a lot, less due to being difficult to dodge and more due to the fact that I keep laughing when I see it. Ah, Tiso. :)

I stopped after that, though. Gotta take a break. I still plan on doing some drawings for Xero vs. each of the challenges I've faced, since I'm using the skin of him.

Fun mod! I didn't expect it to be easy, and it sure isn't haha. I gotta find a list somewhere of all the things in this mod, cuz I will probably miss something otherwise. I wouldn't have even thought to check the Abyss for a trial or try searching for Tiso if I hadn't seen people mention it on tumblr or discord. That could be that I missed some hint, but maybe it's something that had to be spread from insider knowledge first. idk. good mod, though. great job, y'all, if any of the developers or other involved parties reads this

[fatpuppyboy]

EGG LAYING IS SO HOT FFFFFFUCK. Oh my god. oh my god. holy shit.

[confused-robot-cat]

Americans: In this country we live by Christian values! Don’t like it, get out!

The Lord Almighty, God of the Christian Faith 2000 years ago: ‘S up fam. Listen. Remember all that stuff I said about stoning the gays and not eating fish on certain days and being racist to lobsters or whatever? Yeah forget all that. I’ve decided all you need to do is basically don’t be a dick (no lying, coveting, stealing, murdering, that kinda shit), and don’t worship false idols or graven images. Okay? And I’m gonna jot that down on stone so you know those are the rules, and nothing else I might have said before counts anymore. Bless all ye faithful. Ta-ta!

Americans: Pledge allegiance to that flag right now! And you better make sure there’s a crucifix depicting Jesus’ murder at the hands of man hanging on the wall! And if you don’t idolise the right celebrities and football players you’re gay and therefore an affront to God and I’ll have to beat you! Be thankful you’re not living in one of those Arab countries where they make laws based on their religion! Speaking of which, I think it’s about time we go murder some of them and steal their oil. God damn this is one holy ass country. America is God’s country. We’re. We’re. We’re so ffffffucking going to heaven, man. 

[barnaclebat]

God I ffffffucking love oatmeal holy SHIT talk about a safe food

[asterroth]

the official mighty nein playlists are fucking GOOD and i’m listening to travis’ and it’s just a bundle of surprises. like imagine pray for me (from black panther) starting up with no warning and all of a sudden you’re like holy shit??????? fuck yeah???????? thank you god

[the-kipsabian]

HOTEL GET

NSP IN LESS THAN HOUR AND A HALF

[sergegainsbourgs]

ok so i'm fucking sick and tired of people here saying that roger is ugly bitch how dare you look at him

Look at his eyes wow mate i love them so fucking much

the pose the presence the powerrrr look at my boy wow his figure so fab ✨

first of all let me tell ya that veiny arms are a kink of mine hmmmmph asdkkgkhgkkh look at that vein look at that face

ffffffuck nice ass baby you're doing amazing sweetie 😋

ughhhh this pic is just 😋

the leather jacket is fab but look at him he's precious

those beautiful hands awww the CONCENTRATION THE PASSION WOW

i love his nose ???? and when he has a cig between his lips like this it's asghjfjkhfghkk ya feel me ?

LAST BUT NOT LEAST OKAY HE'S NOT AS BUFF AS DAVID BUT HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THAT MAN ZAGJKHHJIJGVK

in conclusion : i'd gladly fuck him please bring me back to the 70s thank you

[symphonic-scream]

SHITSHITTITHFN OKAY I KNOW ITS A LITTLE LAYE IN THE GAME BUT AND YES IKYA YES I FEEL LIKE THIS SHOULDVE BEEN OBVIOUS SINCE WE SAID PIRATES FOR DRAGON LUKA BUT BUT I LISTENED TO NEVERLAND BY PRISMO BUT WYVERN WITH A PETER PAN BIT? LOST BOY? CAPTAIN HOOK- THING?? FFFFFFUCK IDK I JUST WENT 0 BRAIN CELL RN WITH THIS SHIT IDK

Ooh my god YES

Wyvern having Captain Hook vines holy hell

[dashielldeveron]

Viper V: de Futuro.

Warnings: violence, swears, the law.

Summary: the famous sewer scene, like they have in every rom-com.

Day five of the bomb threat. It was confined to Manhattan now, although no one could be certain. Bomb threats tended not to last so long, but this one had reason to extend: all of the sewers in lower Manhattan were backed up, and so far, no one could locate the cause. Authorities had the inkling that the bomber—Isadora’s kidnapper, your identity thief, twice—had blocked the sewers off somewhere downtown, maybe linked with the subway.

Which meant NYC was in uproar, mostly for transportation issues. The streets never cleared, and all attempted to avoid being outside for long due to the rank smell—but when one lives in an overpopulated, urban area, that tended to be difficult to evade.

All applause for your identity thief. He’d turned the city upside down with a few, simple actions. If he weren’t directly aiming and igniting this in your direction, you’d be impressed.

Too bad Tom was being a little prick. Wanting to be thorough in initiating you to be consigliere, he wasn’t letting you have a spare moment to yourself, and when you collapsed on your bed at home each night, your brain transformed into mush.

“Who should I give this job to?” Tom tossed you three profiles across his desk and kept striding towards his liquor cabinet.

“Sydney,” you said, picking out his file and setting it in front of his chair, “He’s got the subtlety that Moss and Murtagh don’t. Also, Bauman called; he wants to hire you to plan an operation for him across the Hudson, and Judge Le sent you this package in the mail.” You pulled a slender rectangle out of your blazer pocket and threw it his way. “It’s weighted like a fountain pen, probably in thanks for your help last week.”

Tom caught the package without looking away from his liquor cabinet and unwrapped it as he chose his bottle. “Excellent. I want you to look at Bauman’s initial operation to see what your instincts are. If you can’t figure anything out, give it to me. Text Sydney that he’s going to Harlem for the next five days. Tell him to leave his rings at home.” He dug his fingernails into the crack where the tape didn’t cover the cardboard and forced it open, and he tapped the opening into his palm. “You’re right,” he said, holding up the fountain pen, “Engraved. Put it with the rest.” He threw it back to you.

Catching it with both hands, you slid it into the pen cup. “Also, Holland, we should get the New Jersey representatives on the payroll soon. They’re trying to introduce a local law that’d let them gerrymander more often, and we want them in our pocket, if they have that power.”

“Get on it, then,” said Tom, and he poured an unhealthy amount of whisky into a tumbler. He held up a hand. “Wait. I don’t want them if they haven’t passed that law. Get them in our good graces but don’t commit to anything serious.”

You jotted that on your legal pad. “Got it. Are Z and Haz still going to the Heights today?”

“If the streets are manageable.” Tom took a deep drink and winced. “Fuckin’. Fuckin’ bomber.”

“Are we doing anything about that?”

Tom drained his glass. “You bet your arse we are.”

***

“You’re the worst,” you said, attempting to rest your weight by the pads of your index and middle fingers on the grimy wall of the sewer so that the pressure was removed from your heels for even a moment. “I’m not doing this again.”

“Tell me how you really feel,” Tom muttered, waving the flashlight in your direction.

“I could be touching the Gawain diamond right now. Maybe. It’s unclear when it’s coming in.” You pushed off of the wall and rubbed the grit between your fingers. “Instead, I’m living like a goddamn ninja turtle.”

“If you want pizza after this, just say the word,” said Tom, “but stop fuckin’ complaining. Come on. I’m hearing voices in the distance.”

“You could have sent some lame-o soldier to do this.” You leapt over a sopping puddle underneath a grate but managed to land in a deceptively squishy moss.

(Harrison had also voiced this sentiment. Why would the don and his consigliere go perform a humiliating task? “I want her eyes on everything they can be when it comes to this case,” Tom had said as if you hadn’t been present, and he loosened his tie enough to slip it off but keep the knot. “And I’m not letting her out of my sight.”)

“Yet I want you.” Tom peered around a bend, holding out his arm to keep you back.

“Yeah, well,” you said, “You may need my brain, but if it’s scrambled from not relaxing, it may not be on its best behaviour.”

“We’ll see about that,” Tom said under his breath, and he stood upright, dropped his arm, and beckoned for you to follow him farther. Before he could take could take more than three steps, he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Christ, Viper, if you wanted time off, all you have to ask. Not—not now, of course. Gotta get situated. But once things calm down, you can…” Tom turned towards you, and in his face was an exasperation you hadn’t seen since you missed your mother’s birthday: weak, raised eyebrows with a mouth open simply because it didn’t take any muscles for it to drop and eyes with the suggestion of watering.

You shook your head. “I don’t want any time off.”

Tom shook his head in tandem, biting his lower lip and furrowing his brow. “Then what do you want?”

A series of shouts came from down the sewer, and Tom’s hand shot to his gun over the clatter of running footsteps from the other direction. You hissed at him that he couldn’t shoot in the sewer; he’d ruin their ears. Tom reluctantly withdrew and trudged forth.

You came upon a capacious, underground crossroads with tunnels going in six directions. Tom began to speak, but your hand on his shoulder silenced him as you listened.

“The police,” said Tom, “are down that one.” He gestured towards the one towards your left.

“Agreed,” you said, placing your chin on the back of your hand; Tom took a deep breath. “But listen: what’s the tinny sound? I’d say it’s chains dragging on the floor, but it’s not sixteenth century Spain.”

“There are so many things I want to say to you right now, but none of them are appropriate for this situation.”

“Tell me later,” you said, “Someone’s gotten to the blockage before we did.” You approached the tunnel, Tom close behind. “Ffffffuck. We won’t see raw evidence.”

Another shout and water rushing—holy shit, more like a fuckin’ deluge—surging your way.

“Oh, my God,” you said, and you grabbed Tom’s hand and ran—which tunnel did you come in? That one, sure. You chose that one.

Tom ran past you, but he came to a halt when you couldn’t keep up. You made the grossest decision of your life to take off your heels and run in the sewers in your bare feet. (“I’m gonna get the plague, and it’s gonna be your fault. I’m gonna get the plague, and hepatitis, and all my organs are gonna fail.”)

Shouts and watery footsteps from behind. An instruction to split up. A gunshot reverberated down your tunnel, the bullet skimming the wall, and you stuck a finger in your ear and twisted to pop it.

You came to a fork in the tunnel and bolted down the left path (“That’s how you get out of a maze,” you said, “you just keep your hand on the left wall.”), and Tom glanced back when you yelped at having stepped in a wet moss. A low pipe struck the back of Tom’s head, and his knees buckled, his hands flying to his scalp.

“No, no, no, it’s okay,” you said, peeking back down the sewer, “Come on. Stand up. We’ll be out soon. Arm around my shoulder. Let’s go.”

Tom put his arm around your waist, and his palm tightened around the spot where it curved into your stomach. Wrenching him upright, you urged him to put as much of his weight as he needed on you, mostly because you were a masochist who wanted to drop dead right there, and if this is the closest to romantic contact you’ll get, you’ll take it.

You came into another open crossroads and let him lean against the sewer wall while you stretched, water trickling in after you, not yet covering your feet but rising.

“Firehoses,” Tom said, his hand flat against the sewer (that had better not be the one he touches you with), “The chain dragging noise. Firehoses. They must be trying to blast out the blockage with water pressure.”

Nodding, you rolled your shoulders backwards. “If you say so. Which is—”

“Don’t say anything,” said Tom, “I hear someone coming.”

From another tunnel approached the manic splash of a runner—panting. Heavy panting. When he entered the crossroad, he doubled over and tried to breathe. Dressed in black. Hiding his face. Gotcha.

His head snapped towards you when you moved towards Tom, who snaked his arm around your waist again for support. He whipped out a gun, and though it’s too dark to make out what type it is, you get the feeling it wasn’t the one fired earlier.

“The fuck are you?” he barks, and it’s natural; it’s not the same person as before, who was very careful to conceal his identity. His gun shook for a second before steadying.

Tom opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. You spoke for him. “You don’t know me?”

“You’re not with the police?”

“Are you with the bomber?”

You heard a click. “What’s it to you?”

“Personal interest.”

“A chick with personal interest. Not police.” He cleared his throat. “What up, Viper?”

You reached towards Tom’s holster and aimed his gun at the grunt before he could protest, but Tom did let out a choked sound: the barrel had grazed the outline of his cock—and you cocked his gun, hand never trembling. “Tell me about my identity thief.”

“You already know everything,” said the grunt, edging backwards and stumbling on sewage, “Precision like Mozart and justice like it’s judgment day. And if I can shoot you now, then the first part of my boss’s justice will be served pretty hot.”

“Justice,” you said, staring for a moment at the sludge between your toes, and you flexed them. “Then you know it’s not justice for me to shoot my hostage right here and now.” You pulled Tom into a chokehold and dug the barrel into his forehead. “You wanna get out of here, huh? Go on, then, before I blast this concussed fireman’s brains out.”

Tom’s hands gripped at your forearm, initially trying to pry you off but falling still. The grunt was hesitating, but his gun was lowering.

“C’mon. Don’t make me come over there.”

He bolted. Your grip on Tom’s neck loosened, and your arms fell to your side. Panting, Tom ran his fingers through his hair, only a suggestion of gel left. He shook his head at you, his eyes wide and jaw dropped.

“You are,” he said between breaths, “the craziest woman I’ve ever come across. And that’s why this is working—mmf!”

He inhaled sharply at your return of his gun to his holster, and you, grinning with a glint of wickedness in your eyes, glanced at his belt, jerked the holster back to its place at his side, and lingered with your fingers in his belt loops (the leather kept his pants fabric a little tighter to his skin than necessary, and you bet if you cared to, you could easily feel around for the v of his hipbones).

You were close, so close, and he couldn’t make himself look anywhere besides into your eyes. “Who’s talking here, Viper or the adrenaline?” he asked under his breath.

You yanked his belt loops to your hips. “Are you saying this doesn’t turn you on?”

“Is scared to death in the realm of turned on?”

“Sometimes,” you said, stepping away. It was the adrenaline talking. You had no idea how your aim was; you don’t shoot the guns, and Tom had been helpless in your arms. Pure luck had never felt so sexy. You shifted your foot on the edge to examine the underside, and grimacing, you said, “We’re getting out of here before I obtain several parasites. How’s your concussion?”

“Unsure if it is,” said Tom, his hand flying to the back of his head, “I wish I could see the bruise when it appears. Still not the best on my feet at the moment.”

“Well, lean on me, then, if you need to.”

***

Warm water bubbled up to your ankles. The foot soaker thing had been commandeered from a secretary in the business side of Osseous, and you were going to stay in it until you burned and scrubbed away the first five layers of skin.

Tom clutched an ice pack to the back of his head, and he hunched over to scroll through his phone on his lap. “I can still order that pizza, you know.”

“Let me have some semblance of professionalism around you, Holland,” you said, writing down the sewer events on your legal pad, “Besides, I have leftover hibachi at home.”

“Please order the pizza; I’m starving,” said Haz, untying his boots and removing them.

“Put a vegetable on it, for the love of God,” Zendaya said without looking up from her phone, “How you eat is abominable.”

“I eat vegetables.”

“Potatoes are a starch,” said Zendaya, “Have you guys been on twitter today?”

“What’s going on?” Tom popped his back and folded both his arms behind his head.

She flicked down her phone with her index finger. “A twitter account for Epiales, that political writer, was created this morning.”

“It’s fake,” you said on reflex.

“How do you know? It’s verified.”

“It can’t be.” You began to stand but sat again. “I’m not getting out of the foot bath. Come over here,” you said, frowning.

Z obliged, and she scrolled through the tweets for you. Shaking your head, you said, “It’s bogus. Total bullshit.”

“How would you know?” Haz asked from the liquor cabinet.

Oh. Um. “Look at how the sentences are structured. Epiales has flawless grammar. I don’t even have to go through all of them; there’s a comma splice in this tweet. Rookie mistake. That’s not something you do once you know it’s wrong. Plus, didn’t Epiales say on his website that anything not on the website, in that law journal, or in the Times wasn’t him?”

“Yeah, he did,” said Tom.

Zendaya pursed her lips. “So, who’s this fuck?”

***

When you got home that evening, you smushed your face in Trout’s belly for as long as she would let you. Simple and soft. She wiggled loose and trotted off to your bed before you felt okay again.

After reheating the hibachi, you settled into bed to write down that day’s plant records so that you could watch Netflix. Trout reacquainted herself with your freshly scalded feet.

Normal stuff. A couple of names you missed—you added those to your notes. A standard run-through, except for the conversation that occurred soon after you left.

You trudged through your own conversations; did your voice really sound like that? Z had departed for the day; you listened to her goodbyes, but Harrison and Tom loitered in his office.

“Something’s gotta be up,” came Harrison’s voice, distant but distinguishable, “Viper’s a little too smart for her own good.”

“She already has Dr. Prine,” said Tom, his voice muffled, like he was pinching his lower lip, “Who’s to say she doesn’t have other connections in high places?”

“What if she’s behind the bombs and kidnapping?”

“No. She wouldn’t want herself out in the public eye.”

Harrison sighed. “But how’s she know where everything is? No one’s that clever.”

“She is.” Tom paused. “The latest Epiales article—the one on the website. It did mention something about the mob.”

Shit. Shit! That had been the one you’d written in Tom’s childhood bedroom, the one where you were desperate to finish and needed something. You’d slipped.

“You think she knows Epiales?”

“I’m thinking the interview wasn’t a coincidence and that there wasn’t a burner phone. She’s got to have a way to contact him.”

“What if she’s feeding him information about us?”

“Epiales hasn’t done much with the information so far, if that’s true,” said Tom.

“Tom,” said Harrison, “She knew that the twitter was fake. Completely convinced. She knows exactly what to say to everyone and can act like a chameleon in any situation, seems like. I like the girl, but how do we find out if she’s a snake in the grass?”

“Well, Haz, you know what you do with snakes,” came Tom’s voice after a beat, “Charm them.”

***

de Futuro: concerning the future; at a future date.

***

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[eti-mun]

God I fucking love you so fucking much, its nigh unbearable. fffffFUCKing Shit NNNNN this SUUUUUUUUUUUUX! Not you tho, youre fucking indescribably sublime holy FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! 'ight, im ok now. sorry for vent, ttyl :')

Hello ok hi idk how to respond to this but glad you got that out of your system????? Dnnfnf

[ultxmately]

The Paladins and swearing

- Keith swears like a fucking sailor and is so unapologetic about it

- Seriously, no one really censored him when he was younger so he got in trouble a lot as a kid, but now it’s almost second nature for him to say some sort of the curse in every other sentence

Shiro: Hey what are you doing?

Keith: trying to get this god damn remote to work on this shitty tv

Shiro: That’s a monitor for the castle’s oxygen levels

Keith: …

Keith: well that fuckin explains a lot then doesn’t it

- It’s not so bad during meetings with other aliens since there’s that language difference, but it still makes the others want to punch him whenever he does

- Random alien ruler: And now, let us commence the ceremonial banquet

Keith: Fuckin finally

Shiro: Keith please

- Lance is used to censoring himself because he grew up with a bunch of younger kids in his family

- He never had trouble swearing around his friends in high school, which often led to some close calls

- That behavior still continues even though the others really don’t care if he swears so it often goes something like

Lance: *stubs his toe*

Lance: HOLY SHHHHHHHHHHHHIT THAT FFFFFFUCKING HURT

Pidge: …

Pidge: You alright there?

- Lance is also used to snitching on his younger siblings for swearing so when he hears Keith swear it’s great

Keith: Fucking hell!

Lance: Shiroooo, Keith said a bad word!

Keith: Shut the hell your mouth

- Hunk almost never swears unless he’s panicking or extremely annoyed

- This means in battle you can hear a string of foul language in the comms

- Basically Dustin from Stranger Things

- Hunk while being chased by a fleet of Galra: shitshitshitshitshitshitsh

- Lance knows that Hunk doesn’t swear that often so when he does it usually means that Hunk is genuinely upset and that he should probably help

- It happens a lot whenever he’s working with Pidge on some sort of machinery and he’s getting frustrated, if Hunk starts slipping up, Lance will pull him aside to let him take a breather

- Sometimes Hunk will swear when being sarcastic (usually while taking said breather)

- Lance with a smug grin: Maybe you should try yoga

Hunk: Shut the fuck up Lance

- Pidge swears almost as bad as Keith sheerly for the shock factor

- At the garrison, Pidge would swear because everyone saw her as someone who doesn’t swear and she loved to see the look on their faces when she did

- Hunk and Lance are used to it by now, but Shiro always tells her to watch her language

- Keith and Pidge once made a bet on who could swear the most and Shiro was about to blpe a gasket

- Keith: Fucking hell, Pidge will you please pass me the god damn salt so my fucking food goo isn’t so shitty and tasteless?

Pidge: Of fucking course I can. Shit, what kind of fucking animal do you god damn take me for, Keith?

Lance: Guys please I don’t think Shiro’s blood pressure can get any higher

- Pidge loves teaching Allura swear words from Earth and learning Altean swears

- And by that, I mean she tells Allura that they mean something completely different

- Pidge: So a bitch is someone you look up to and admire greatly. Being someone’s bitch is a high compliment

Shiro: Pidge please

Pidge: Don’t listen to him, he’s just jealous

Allura: Why? Is he not your bitch?

Keith: *chokes on drink*

Pidge: *holding back laughter* oh don’t worry, Shiro is definately my bitch

Shiro: PiDGE

- Shiro literally never swears unless he’s tired

- This often happens after a particularly stressful mission or the paladins haven’t had time to rest up properly

- Shiro before a twelve hour mission: Alright gang, let’s keep our heads on. Let’s go over the plan and work together to complete the mission

Shiro after: Keith I swear to the fucking gods if you fly Red into another god damn ambush I will launch my deadass body into the comforting claws of space

- Pidge: I think the Galra changed their coding I can’t get through this door

Shiro: Well that’s fucking perfect isn’t it

- It sort of became a game amongst the others to see who could get Shiro to say the most outrageous string of swears

- Keith was currently ahead since he tackled Shiro instead of a training bot and got him to say “Well shit on my fucking eyeliner and feed it to the god damn Galra”

- That was until Allura ordered the group to visit Slav to help fix something with the castle ship

- No one can ever break that record

- Keith also claims that Shiro used to swear as bad as him before they went to the Garrison until he accidently called Iverson an asswipe

- “You don’t understand, Keith, I saw my life flash before my eyes”

[suzunofuu]

okay besides the fact that i couldn’t watch the whole episode in fucking peace bc the stream kept on DYING on me, i’m still SUPER FUCKING HAPPY about episode 16

i’m gonna save all the screaming for later, lets get on with something nice and simple instead

this smells like ol’ kidou and endou friendship, so i’m hoping for nothing but a strong long-lasting friendship between this two aah

i’m only posting these two pics bc i need raccord for the future but i don’t give any fucks about nosaka no more every time he appears sitting here watching a team play he looses a year of life

the little shit is having fun fucking up everyone’s mind lmao

he is fucking spooky lol

although in the past episodes it seemed that we were getting no actual character development for the main team, norika is going through something, which is so good !!!! she wants to be stronger !!!!!!! and better !!!!!!!! that’s my good baby goalkeeper !!!!!

this shot !!!!!!!!!! she’s all business !!!!!!

she’s being all bossy what a queen 

i really like nae btw.... she’s going to be the Kinako Case and look all moe and shit and then beat the hell out of the other team, which is going to be great, but i also want to see a super mega fucking buff girl beat someone up, tbh

aaaaand here you have atsuya being a big ass crybaby... man lets bless shirou for controlling his ass and saving him from getting everyone to murder him

shirou: “shut the fuck up atsuya :)”

for some reason haizaki got beaten up?????????  i mean he could kill these two???????? guess he really is sad by their loss and has no actual willing to fight back anymore............ anyone else thinks he’s going to join raimon??? ‘cause i do

asuto was a lil bean today

i was gonna say these two need more screentime but that’d mean more n*saka/anna and i’m not down for that

yah beat him up

the cool baby has this king of the death bear aesthetic going on and it’s realy cool !!!! 

defense !!!!

shooting !!!

i was moving my legs like a lil child by this point aaaaaaaaaah

they call him the snow prince or something like that???? and i think that nae is the hime??? lol you all know there’s gonna be a shit ton of fanart with atsuya and nae right?????????? pfffffffffffff

shirou is a proud big brother ajsdfhlajdsfhdssjdsihugijrndms my heart

good bros

VERY GOOD BROS

that doesn’t atually happen irl hahaha

AND !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE DID A SHOOT TOGETHER !!!!!!!!!!!

HOLY FFFFFFUCK

AKSJFASDF ???????????

ugh

if raimon wins i’m going to curse them forever those kids can’t beat hakuren or seishou or none of the teams ffs what is going on

[dizzydemonn]

ffffffuck im watching jurassic park for the first time and . holy shit . jeff goldblum shirtless ............ im fucking gay