#He's Kowtowing btw!

[journeytomonkiekid]

CH 6 (Momentum) - Page 73 Previous || Next

[mhaynoot]

finished tgcf book 1 and here are some random thoughts i had through the book and certain passages that i kept rereading:

xie lian with sincerity: "if you pray to me for good luck, i think you might actually get cursed instead"

he actually ascended after 800 years of collecting scraps??? what. it took me until like the end of the novel to realise that wasn't joke and actually real what. what.

he's so pathetic meow meow i cant wait to see him cry and break my heart into itty bitty goey pieces (currently reading book 3 and im in hell now)

mu qing: passive aggressively bitching at xie lian

xie lian with sincerity: who are you?

he's really just murphy's law on embarrassment but at least everyone else is getting dragged into the pit he made (too bad he's right there next to them, falling flat on his cute face)

first arc flash review:

nan feng and fu yao are instantly obvious like i'd be more shocked if its revealed theyre actually not feng xin and mu qing but it's really really funny seeing them fall into pits one after another

wow that bridal sedan scene is so heart fluttering i think i reread each paragraph like 3 times

goddamn what a fucking ml introduction 👏👏

holy shit people actually die in this??? i was expecting the cannon fodder because he was just so fucking annoying but that woman too? damn that's just so sad

pei xiu meeting xie lian here is just retrospectively as embarassing as the second time

also very nice foreshadowing and setting up of themes

second arc flash review:

they just meet like that????

the donghua made it so obvious but even in the book, you can tell hua cheng was just desperately restraining himself whenever xie lian did some freaky flirty shit

he's such a sweet ml, i'm already foreseeing so much fucking suffering to counteract this blissfulness

dni curtain

i can't believe hua cheng just upped and left to get a tattoo AND make a brand new door after seeing the dni curtain

xie lian is so lax about things, its almost concerning like i get why feng xin and mu qing- i mean nan feng and fu yao are "?!?!?!?!" at him sksksk

i gasped at the venom sucking part, like audible breath and everything, holy fuck

also cute detail about how hua cheng disinfected his blade with nan feng's fire and how both of them did that with implicit understanding

honestly i did not foresee the general being xie lian and had to reread that passage again after finding out. so embarassing for him. i close my eyes. but also hua cheng making everyone kowtow to the grave is just that much sweeter

xie lian does not restrain himself with the skinship at all. he immediately becomes embarrassed afterwards yeah but he always instinctively wants to touch hua cheng sooo badly. like how tf is hua cheng still alive - no wait i guess it's because he's dead that's why.

"does it matter if you're human or not?" XIE LIAN YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT TO HUA CHENG (AND ME)

LMAO nan feng running away when he heard xie lian offer to cook and then running back in to give hua cheng the stink eye and xie lian a warning only to leave again is just so funny, i was soo sad to not see that part in the donghua ver

last part and ending thoughts:

"your highness" ugngnnghhhngnn

the whole conversation between them and their upfrontness with each other is just so refreshing

im suprised they resolved this mystery so quickly, like i was expecting another arc or even a whole more book to dance around this but nope. xie lian says one "hua cheng" and then bam it's in the open.

donghua made xie lian full grab xie lian's face while it was a poke in the book but i approve of both versions, all very cute, all very likely to make hua cheng fall in love even more

awww he has to leave? ohmygod ringringring

and yep thats my thoughts so far

i read the whole book and then watched the donghua btw!! i'm not an "anime first" girlie, im a "the manga was better" loser tryhard always

also i just read all of book 3 by the time i finished writting this so lmao

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

Hello Orion! I've seen your opinions about JC, YZY and JYL (I agree with all of them) so I was wondering, what about Jiang Fengmian? Just curious about what you think of him and how much JC stans seem to twist him in order to make him and WWX look bad. But then again I'm not quite sure what my opinions on JFM are either so I was just curious about it!

Love ur metas and writing btw! Your posts always cheer me up and I've been through some hard ass anxiety attacks of which your blog helped me through, so thanks a lot! ❤️💕

Hello there, Agnes! And thank you very much for the compliment, I'm glad if what I scatter about on this messy website is able to help others as well, even as I wrestle with my old anxieties before I toss it into the closet and tell myself to be open without worries about my opinions on a book we all have love for (or hate, I get hate reading too, if that's your thing... just please reread before trying to bash with your whole chest)

On to Jiang Fengmian, I think he was a kind man, that was not meant to be a leader, that was dealt a sad hand in life. I think his own passivity and wanting to be someone that just lived, ultimately is what sort of hurt him. His love and sentimentality, in a way feels similar to the quiet love of Lan Wangji, not understood well, especially since he did not get to have a Wei Wuxian at his side and had others he did significantly care for (Jiang Cheng) believe he was indifferent. There is a big reason why his message of being careful of how you express or what you say is such a major theme within the story, since it is his words, that are at the core of what Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji have to overcome to be happy with each other and see that their love and care is reciprocated.

Jiang Fengmian was wise in what he had to say, but his lack of faith in his own place or being able to have convictions in it, is what held him back, and made Yu Ziyuan able to be cruel to him, and their children. He was not able to rise above hardships because of this weakness. And him choosing to kowtow to that all, made him another accessory of saying and doing things that were damaging, regardless of intent. He had failed to follow his own words, and I believe he knew this as he was a worn down man by the time we get one real interaction with him. And he is just a sad man with only little happiness in his life.

He was a parent who wasn't able to speak to his child the way he or Jiang Cheng needed, and he wasn't a parent to Wei Wuxian, out of respect for his old friends, and because of the hate Madam Yu would continue to have in him. He made choices that weren't good for him, or anyone, when he ultimately agreed to a betrothal that ruined generations. I think he did see that, but didn't know how to fix it in anyway, and, went through life without really living it with little passion.

[sparkbeast20]

Yesterday, I had a weird dream during afternoon nap.

I was fighting a devil and was at disadvantage and losing.

“You puny human cannot win against me. Accept defeat and let me devour you. I’ll allow you to say your final prayers.” Said the devil.

“Alright. I accept defeat. Let me call someone first.” I told him. The devil was like “Ok, take your time.”

Then I used a pact (or maybe just literally made a phone call). After which HB!Mammon appeared and stood beside me.

And the devil was like “oh my devil, it’s THE Mammon” and “so you are the prestigious Klein, who can control the 7 Sins. I were stupid and blind so I did not see the sun. Please forgive this stupid subject of yours.” Then he kowtowed to me 9 times (the same number of kowtow you had to kowtow when you met the Emperors of China btw) and then he kissed my feet.

All the while from a different world, Mammon is quietly crying in his sleep because deep down he feels betrayed.

[garak]

while the dark knight gets plenty of stuff wrong i do think it does a surprisingly good job dealing with the joker and superman as they exist within batman comics (i.e. as batman’s foils) and succeeds with those dynamics where i think a lot of other comics have failed. here are some thoughts on dark knight btw putting them under the cut because it’s not good meta or anything it’s just ramblings

i like how they portrayed the joker as very explicitly dependent on batman for his purpose, especially with the segments with the psychologist talking about batman’s adversaries being proxies of himself because it’s his existence that allows them in turn to exist. the joker being essentially catatonic while batman is away but leaping back to life when he returns … plus them making it explicit that the joker sees batman as a counterpart slash romantic partner, the aforementioned psychologist saying that the joker is a victim of batman’s psychosis of sexual repression, the joker saying he only kills people to provoke batman because he loves him, him speaking in the grey bubbles that indicate batman’s thoughts, batman ultimately being unable/unwilling to kill him and him killing himself because he thinks batman’s about to die too… great stuff. the theme of twos/doubles/dichotomies in this book is excellent even if i don’t necessarily love what they did with harvey. the two crossed out sides of the coin representing both harvey and bruce, the joker and batman, AND batman and superman really is a wonderful little piece of imagery. i have less to say on superman because unlike the joker who exists only because of batman slash in service to batman’s story, superman is his own character and one i haven’t read much of to be honest. nevertheless i liked the notes on his design in the front of the book that talked about him having barely aged visually and how that also represented him being a holdover from ages past, but one that kowtowed to authority and was able to be preserved in his role. the line bruce has about him looking as if he was the reason for the sun and the sky, then clark trying to fly into the light of the sun as he dies talking about the earth in all its intricacies as his mother who he wishes to honor and protect from the stupid and vicious people who would destroy it. really just overall wonderful stuff frank miller you have truly done it again

[wench-and-jezebel]

The Musketeers Reaction: The Homecoming

Jezebel (@typicalopposite) reacts [with occasional asides by Wench (@scripted-downfall)]

[Brace yourself btw]  

PORT!  WELL SHIT!

Oooooof

Runnnnn Port!

Why didn’t you just run, dammit?

[Well.  You said you wanted more Porthos]  I didn’t mean like this, dammit

Idk why the first thing in my head was: they had lawyers back then?

[I love how Athos is never looking the same direction as the others.  He's always standing at the back staring out at the rear... which could either be funny-haha moodiness or strategically watching the rear or both]

NOT HIS BIRTHDAY  [Yup :] ]

Oooop

Double oooop

TRIPLE OOOOOP 😭😭😭😭

Well damn I don’t want the next episode to be about any of them… Sheeesh  [alskdjf It’s about Aramis] *runs and hides*

Ack  [This dude is an ass]  How.  Dare.  He.

LE GASP

THAT’S RACISM

[Them ripping off the Musketeers' pauldron pisses me offff] Sameeee

D’ART 🥺 buddy is like “Can we have a chill day?”

Not Athos

He knows that mark 👀👀👀  [*simultaneously* That's the mark he found on Milady in the book- I WAS JUST SAYING THAT]  🙂  [It's Louis' criminal brand tho, in general, so yes, he still knows it]

Buddies, what are y’all hammering? Oh they all crazy, I see  [It’s a warning that the Musketeers are coming in]

You would know, Flirt, you would know

[Louis needs to stop whinging]  Ahhh, whiny… Ack. This is why the Cardinal is so angry… I would be too  [He does have to kowtow to the king's dumbass decisions]

Fled?

[I love this scene]  “The hands of a musician”  How many musicians does he know?  [He was a count; I'd wager many]  Fair!

Oooop  [Aramis up in arms about Porthos]  “This is bb— this is Porthos”

[Flirt be flirting again]  Yep

☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️ Oooop- Flirt flunked flirting  [He got extra credit]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

Noooo not the goats! the new Thor has two giant goats and they scream the whole damn movie

WAIT WHO IS THE CORONER MAN

Well, we did know it was murder already

[Cool badass character introduction]

Oooooop

Double oooop

That smile was as scurry as Athos’ eyes  [aldskfjaldskfj]

“I’m too lorge”  [I think they have clothing that'll fit]

Ummm that’s not fair tho

These damn past friends  [You've got some Flort bonding in theory tho]  True

Well, damn  [There was exactly 33% tact in that exchange lsakdj]

“Rooms”  Fucking rich people

These two are up to something  😤😤

["You always did whatever Flea told you"  Bottom-behavior]  🥺🥺  [You're welcome… I'm hilarious]  You are indeed  [You weren’t supposed to agree aldskfj]

– – – 

Jezebel: Soooo question… Why is it “the three musketeers” of d’Art was always a part of it?  Or are there stories before him?  

Wench: Because he doesn’t join immediately.  Like in this, he's just kinda... an apprentice.  A recruit.  He only becomes one, like, 2/3 of the way into the book.  Besides, it's his point of view, and he's looking on on "the three Musketeers.”  They're kinda legendary, tbh.  Like I said, they have that nickname --- Les Inseparables --- for example.  And when they show up at the beginning of the book, the entire Garrison is spying on them/their interactions with Treville.  And this, like, gasp fills the room when Athos (injured) walks in and is like.  Hey.  And then even more of one when he collapses.  And some of them forget they're not supposed to be watching and lean fully into the room to watch.  It's a whole thing alksdjf  So they just.  They're The Three.  And then d'Art.

Jezebel: So it’s the three musketeers. And d’Art. ☠️☠️  

Wench: Yup alksdjf

Jezebel: Oooooh! Ok that makes sense 😂😂😂  I understand a little more! Cause I was confused since like… the beginning ☠️☠️  And now for midpoint!  I am not happy that I got more Port in such a way! 😤😤  I was bamboozled!

Wench: I did warn you it was bad

Jezebel: You did but you did not say hey! It’s port heavy… in the bad way.  You just said bad.  Bad could have meant one of them gets shot and almost dies. But that’s the angst I thrive on  😤  This is sad backstory bad.  Hmph

Wench: alskdjflkadsjf

Jezebel: Also, I never noticed the scar on ports face til this one

Wench: Ma’am, how

Jezebel: Woman idk! I just didn’t ☠️☠️☠️😂😂😤  But I do now! ☠️  Also, I do love d’Art’s eagerness to run to his friends defense! I.e. him jumping over the rail when they sentenced Port  Like 🥺🥺 buddy. Did you not have friends pre-ded dad?  Now he does and is like I will not lose them!

Wench: I love that they all are that level of concerned though.  Like, not just d'Art

Jezebel: Very true!

Wench: Athos and Aramis just know what is an uacceptable way of pushing back (e.g. jumping over the railing), but the SECOND Treville said "slow them down" or whatever, Athos was gone.  And then he's like... oh.  I'm a Musketeer.  And before that a nobleman.  Lemme just... duck into this place where people distrust/kill/steal from both.  Meanwhile, Aramis is heading the entire investigation because.  Well.  Bros.

Jezebel: The musketeers as a whole group are just all loyal to each other first! Then you know the king and stuff

Wench: There's a reason it's one for all and all for one

Jezebel: Makes sense 😂😂😂 Anyway! Back to I don’t trust the “king” guy and Flea. maybe not her. But he’s definitely up to something. He either killed the guy or she did idk.  Ready though!

– – – 

It’s a repeat of the other ep  [*simultaneously* *d’art's Vadim PTSD flashbacks activate*]  d’Art hide  [How dare you steal my joke]  ☠️☠️☠️☠️

Buddy, you sent them off!  Hmph!

Matt?  Matt Meese?  😂😂  [lksdfja;lksdjf]

Well, shit, it’s the man in the leather mask

[Aramis, you hedonist]  😂☠️☠️ [Oh, sorry... Aramis, you *heretic]

The priest looks like Shakespeare

d’Art ☠️  [“Did you kill him?” isn’t a good interrogation tactic?]

A wot now?  [Huguenot.  Type of Protestant]  Oooooh

[Too bad Aramis isn't there… He's their medic.  Not that he'd be happy with that term]  I know! His poor needlework isn’t coming in handy  [Nor is it getting ripped, though, so]  😂😂😂

Maaaam  [Whoops]  You are marr- with the king guy!  ARE NONE OF THESE HOES LOYAL!  [I mean.  There are very few women who get to choose their marriages here, so no… Constance was married off by her family because it's a good match.  Flea... well, she chose Charon, but not out of love.  Etc.]  Trueeeeee… Kinda like Mercedes  [Yup]

Damn they went the whole 9 yards  [Also yup] Flirts gonna be jealous

Hurt him??  Im pretty sure he part of this, so this a killer!  Ack!

[“Our names are the Three Musketeers.  Our friend's in danger.  Prepare to yield.”]  😂😂😂😂😂😂

Ooooop!

Poison.  POISON!  DONT DRINK IT!!

[Oop, Charon jealoussssss… Did not like that hand grab]  I mean he maybe should be ☠️☠️☠️  [True, but jealous =/= jealous + possessive]  Very true  [Once again.  Do not like that hand grabbbb]  Exactly

Ooooop "kill anyone that gets in our way"

He has figured it out!!

BUM BUM BUMMM

I CALLED IT  [YOU DID]

WELL SHIT  [Poor Flea]  I DOUBT THAT YOU’LL BE FINE MAAM

Where even was she shot 😂😂😂  [a;lkdsjf no clue]  Ooooof!

Ooooop!

Well, Athos killed Milady, Flirt killed friend, and now port kills friend ☠️☠️☠️ Hopefully d’Art doesn’t know anyone else

Correction: Flirt kills friend and Port’s friend… Port, don’t you look at him like that.  Hmph.  He saved you!

The kings gonna open the letter and it’s gonna say SIKE

WELL, SHIT

🥺🥺😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

At least she kisses normal

😂😂😂😂

And done!

– – –

Jezebel: POOR PORT! 💔💔💔  Why do all their past friends suck? 😂 

Wench: The joys of Trauma

Jezebel: Well… at least now they all have each other!   Which gives me Port vibes from that movie clip where Ports like d’Art!  We also protect each other! 💕🥺  Oh, speaking of… Are all their backstories the same in the other adaptations?? Or are they unique to this one?

Wench: In my experience… Athos is almost always the same; he was married, she was a criminal to some degree, he had her executed and has felt guilty ever since, and she’s not only not dead, but she’s working for the Cardinal.  Aramis is always devout while simultaneously romantic and having a tendency towards womanizing (or not just womanizing, depending on your interpretation).  As I mentioned, d’Art usually is different; most stories use the initial idea of d’Art going expressly to get a commission, not from some revenge story.  And Porthos… I’m less sure.  If I recall correctly, he doesn’t usually have much time spent on backstory.  He usually came from something notorious though; he’s “Porthos the Pirate” (an exceedingly infamous pirate, apparently) in the Disney film and, as you know, a member of the Court of Miracles here.  So, I guess I’d say… they all have basic similarities, and their personalities are usually the same, but specifics alter.

Jezebel: Oooooh! I see 🙂 interesting enough!

Wench: "Interesting enough?"  Dang, woman

Jezebel: I still could schmack you for pushing me over the ledge into a new hyperfixation!  (Affectionate 😂😂😂 I love it here).  I just… Ack!  I just am loving it!  (I’m also finding it hard to give mid points and end points lately and idk why, but I still love it!!)  And tbh I don’t know why I worded it like that ☠️☠️☠️ I sent it and was like enough? Why’d you say enough?

Wench: That's fair laskdjf  Any other thoughts?

Jezebel: Nope 😂😂☠️☠️😭😭 like I said in the last one these are getting harder and harder to lengthen out ☠️☠️☠️

Wench: Ma'am, what have you done?  *sigh*  I'm carrying these endpoints

Jezebel: You are! I 110% agree☠️☠️☠️

Wench: … You weren't supposed to

Jezebel: Shush lol  Also, errmmmm can we do an episode tomorrow

Wench: Uh… Probably

Jezebel: I feel bad; the DA folks are gonnna be mad!  I have gone farther WAY FASTER in this one than DA.  BUT to be fair… I was never supposed to watch it, just the Ben ep and then Alec’s

Wench: I did say that DA wasn't the most interesting w/o Jackles.  I warned!

Jezebel: Then you suggested we watch it and I’m gullible  (Kidding)

Wench: aksdfjlkafdsj I did not actually… Rude

Jezebel: I do like the show.  But…. Well…. I really like this one 👀 and alas again I didn’t expect it

Wench: Ma'am, I told you you would

Jezebel: Okay-

Wench: When ever will you learn to trust my judgement?

Jezebel: Correction: I knew I would like it

Wench: …

Jezebel: I did not expect to like it this much

Wench: Hmph.

Jezebel: Don’t hmph me Wench

Wench: You forget: hmph + period.

Jezebel: DONT HMPH(.) ME WENCH!

Wench: Hmph.

Jezebel: Gasp!

Wench: Shush.  We’ll do another tomorrow; ‘til then!

[therealsehinton]

boundaries guy (pt1 (?)): sorry, i didn't mean this topic for this fic. its really adorable and heartwarming, i see that theyre just playing around w each other. what got me thinking was something by twobitapologist(?) whos theory is that theyre codependent, and i think you had a toxic hc post on them & this fic just triggered me on how easily they (johnny mainly) can get the other to kowtow to their wills in an *au.* sorry for not conveying myself clearly, & tainting the spirit of your fic😖😫

omg thank you for another ask I'm deathly bored(btw you didn't taint my fic at all sywhehrh)

also yes I think I got your point! I spent so much time analyzing my own fic so maybe I didn't convey that enough 😭 but yes I saw how that inspired you to think about how easily johnny can get dallas to do things and then how that leads into the whole codependency argument

yes @twobitapologist often talk about the codependent issues involving jally. I think that is actually very one sided

tw///suicide mentions

both Johnny and Dally are evidently suicidal, I think. but Dallas only kills himself after Johnny dies, so it's basically his way of communicating that Johnny was his only reason to live. while Johnny didn't necessarily think that way, I guess you could say he indiscriminately wanted to die??

Johnny created meaningful relationships outside of just Dallas and while it was obvious that Dallas loved other people than Johnny, he never let himself develop anything of substance with anyone but Johnny. that basically defines their one sided codependency which in turn can lead to a lot of toxic implications in case they ever get together

I like to say that all teenage relationships are actually very codependent, I've been witness to quite a few and it's the same old shtick: they can't live without each other, they don't care about anyone else, they feel depressed and like they're gonna die when they break up. and not even just in romantic relationships, but platonic as well

adolescence is a very mentally sensitive area, so people have this innate need to be surrounded by others and idk there's a lot of mental illness and insecurities going on too. it's just a fucked up time which is why so many people have toxic relationships as teenagers, it's kind of hard to have anything healthy when you're both a mess, if that makes sense?

I think Johnny and Dallas's relationship is codependent like any teenagers would be, but there's the added pressure of their extreme trauma. Dallas not developing relationships is more than just a character flaw because he's a dick, it's a defense mechanism after being screwed over so often in life. so while people maybe see how he solely cares about Johnny and think "that's a bad thing", I see that as a good sign; it means he still has potential to grow close to others

and being only 17, that's a very hard concept to grasp. if they were given more time, I feel that Johnny and Dally would grow out of that codependency--because all teenagers do. it's a a sign of maturity. Dallas would learn how to trust again, because you can see in the book that he's already on track to better his relationships

but unfortunately, they never had the chance for that to happen because Johnny died. and at that point, it was just too difficult for Dallas to take time and think calmly. so like... yeah

I still stand by the theory that if given more time they would learn their boundaries and become healthier--again, they're 16 and 17, you can't really blame them for their codependency

I also think, i mean, everyone is little toxic? that's just how people are. so everyone is gonna have something toxic in a relationship and the testament of a relationship is how you overcome those challenges. I think what makes Jally solid is they would strive to better their relationship, I think of all the ships in the outsiders they have the most genuine care for each other and they take each other's feelings so seriously that the chances of them avoiding their issues and never getting better isn't very likely

I think gradually they would set up boundaries because they want to last because they know they're good together

anyways I hope I answered this the correct way this time 😭

[neogenesis85]

You know what? Reylo fans have been horny on main in the worst and most embarrassing ways since the first movie... but John making a joke about a fictional character having sex with someone other then ‘Ben’ (he never said Finn was going to be the one laying pipe btw) is somehow super sexist and disrespectful to Daisy and he deserves to be canceled now. Or something. Idk, I try very hard not to figure out the thought patterns of people who have replaced a functional brain with Spaghettios. But I can make a pretty good deduction that it was the racism all along.

And let me be clear here, for a shipping fandom that made big waves about separating fiction from reality, they are having a really hard time realizing that an actor saying they’re not here for their self-insert ship (because reylos never cared about Rey as a character. She was the one in closest proximity to Kylo and white, therefore the easiest to ship with. The writers of the trilogy didn’t help that much either)

John has every right not to kowtow down to one of the many segments of the Star Wars fandom that gave him hell for years. And just as in this case, they would find any damn reason to police his behavior and try to shut him up. Put him back in his place, so to speak.

I’m glad his contract is up. And I’m glad he’s out here living his best life with, as my bff said while quoting Lucy Liu, Disney ‘fuck you’ money. Because he really is saying fuck you guys. And I’m wishing the very best for him in 2020 and beyond.

I only cared about this new trilogy because of Boyega. I still hate that he got treated by both the writers, studio/producers, and the fans the way he did.

But I’m also glad he has enough fortitude to keep doing his thing and pretty much give everyone a silent DIE MAD ABOUT IT

So cheers to him

[gaawachan]

So... Mulan... I’m Not Happy :(

I'll be the first to admit that there were some problems with Disney's Mulan.  Mushu is a very important secondary character, but he should not have been a dragon.  The emperor never should have bowed her her and she should not have touched him; the Emperor was poorly done all-around.  There were some artistic errors that were culturally insensitive as I recall.  Chi Fu was not so great and his character really needs to be updated (not to be more likeable, but to be less of a caricature).  There's a gag involving a panda that should be written out.  The ancestors thing ought to be completely cut.  There is an over-reliance on some stereotypical tropes that ought to be at least downplayed in a new film if they aren’t servicing the story with their over-emphasis.  Easily the worst thing about the film is the dehumanizing depiction of the Huns.  These are all problems that can be easily fixed without outright scrapping 9/10ths of the cast. . I was planning to talk about Mushu first, but I think it's impossible to talk about Mushu without talking about Mulan, so that's where we're going to start.

In the Disney film, Mulan is NOT trained in combat, but she is smart and a quick problem-solver, agile, and dedicated.  Mulan's angst is not so much that society doesn't value her for what she has to offer, but that what she has to offer is not enough for her to feel of worth to society.  In other words, the expectations placed upon women in this setting are something that Mulan internalized and she finds herself wanting in them, because she cannot perform the ideal female standard in her society and if she can't do that, then she has no worth.  The important take from all of this is that isn't raging against society.  She's raging against her own inability to be an ideal female archetype in her society.

Mulan ends up joining the military for two reasons.  The first is her father's physical state.  The second is a desperate desire not to prove her worth to society, but to prove her worth to herself.  Once in the military, she particularly struggles with training; unlike in the folklore, she is not used to this particular form of labor, and she nearly gives up until she comes to the realization that her training isn't something that she is supposed to brute force her way through.  It is ultimately in the military that Mulan finds her intellect to be of value, something of hers that she can see is contributing meaningfully.

However, just like throughout most of history, Mulan's worth and behavior is judged on the merit of her gender first and foremost, which is why her gender reveal after the battle at the pass take her to such a low... and this is also why Mushu is an important character.  Mushu, more than anyone else in the narrative, is the one who bolsters Mulan's self-worth. . I already said that Mushu should not be a dragon.  But he also should STILL BE IN THE MOVIE.  Mushu is the most important animal side-kick in Disney history within the associated movie.  Within Disney's Mulan, there is an admonishment directed to society about placing people in positions where they feel they need to be something they are not in order to retain or acquire social standing, something that doesn't do much for a person's self-worth.  Mushu has, throughout the narrative, lied about his own identity and role... to MULAN, and unlike her, he's done it purely for his own self-interest.  That is not to say he is unhelpful; his presence and actions actually save a lot of people, Mulan included, but just like Mulan, that fails to address the underlying issue of self-worth.  It is in this moment of Mulan's weakness that Mushu confesses this.

"Mushu: The truth is, we're both frauds. Your ancestors didn't send me; they don't even like me. I mean, you risked your life to help people you love. I risked your life to help myself. At least you had good intentions. Mulan: ...... Let's go home. Mushu: Yeah. This ain't gonna be pretty. But don't you worry, okay? Things will work out. We started this thing together and that's how we'll finish it. I promise."

Mushu's ability to come clean just so he can be as supportive as possible to Mulan is what makes him such an important character, because immediately after this, Mulan rushes to the capital to help regardless of the consequences.  This isn't coming out of nowhere.  Mulan's ability to accept Mushu's flaws and benefit from his support is ultimately what kick-starts the change in her own self-image.  Mulan needs there to be someone on her side who knows she's a woman and still sees value in what she can contribute because she can't overcome her own internalized misogyny and self-loathing without support.  Which is, btw, the whole freaking point. . Shang next.  I don't know where people got the idea that Shang was some sort of comic relief character.  Other than herself, Shang becomes the person Mulan is most driven to prove her worth to, first as a soldier, and then as a human, and this is why his judgment at the pass cuts so deeply. Shang following in his father's footsteps serves as a twisted mirror to Mulan's own journey, and the death of his father carries heavier emotional wait as a result.  While it's never stated in the movie, the general's death also reminds the viewer of one of the big reasons why Mulan is in the military in the first place.  Mulan's push back against his bigoted dismissal of her in the capital is a big signifier that her self-image has changed.  Shang's recognition that his failure to trust Mulan when she warned him that Shan-Yu was in the capital put the emperor in danger coupled with his seeing that Mulan's tactical mind is no different than when she was Ping is ultimately what seals his own approval of Mulan as a whole person.  Whereas Mushu is vital for starting the change in Mulan seeing herself of value, it is Shang's opinion of her that carries the most weight, because Shang has no familial association with her but he is still a fundamental part of her sphere that she wants approval from. . Yao, Ling, and Chien-Po are the three soldiers who become Mulan's friends in the military, and while they are mostly comic relief, they are still worth mentioning.  They are casually misogynistic, and when Chi Fu insists that Mulan face punishment, they ultimately fall in line and reject her; though they aren't happy about it, none of them are willing to step out of line that much.  I've seen people say that they do that because of extreme sexism but I disagree. Imo it has less to do with their misogyny and more to do with kowtowing to authority+bystander effect; you'll notice that they are outright eager to fall back in with Mulan as soon as the Emperor is attacked.

Mulan's friendship with these three is important not just because all three of them are wonky, flawed people who she is incredibly awkward and weird around but who still ultimately accept her, but because it's also supposed to demonstrate the camaraderie developed between soldiers at war.  I don't want to go into this at length so suffice it to say that I'm going to be very disappointed if that aspect of the story is cut out of the live-action version. . ... Okay, now we get to talk about the most problematic part of Disney Mulan.  The Huns.  Uh... it's really bad.  It's inaccurate on so many levels that I don't want to get into atm.  I was actually excited at the prospect of the live action film heavily re-writing this such that the enemy forces would not be so de-humanized and maybe the story on the international scale would be made to be more nuanced/gray, but instead, they decided to scrap them altogether in favor of a... witch.  A witch.  In Mulan.  A story about a woman finding her self-worth in an oppressive society and you made the villain A WITCH.  You know, that negative female stereotype about evil magic women that's resulted in thousands upon thousands of women being murdered over the centuries?

Why?  In part it's obviously to avoid any sort of controversy that might have come about from keeping a foreign invasion as part of the story, though it also significantly hamstrings any chance of the narrative saying anything meaningful on that topic in typical, cowardly modern Disney fashion.  However, Disney has shot themselves in the foot on this one.  I can already see where they're trying to go with this change and I do not like it.  Problematic depiction aside, the primary antagonist of the original movie, Shan-Yu, was interesting because he is the only human in the story who did not seem to give a single fuck about Mulan's gender.  When Shan-Yu looks at Mulan, he sees a competent threat who killed most of his men and he goes after her with that perspective.  However, he slips up when he thinks he has Mulan backed into a corner and she pulls out a feminine symbol, a fan.  He fails to see how something like that could stand up before him, and that is why  he is outmaneuvered and defeated.  Mulan defeats the hyper-masculine Shan-Yu openly as a woman in women's clothing using a feminine tool.  That?  That won't work in a story with a female protagonist vs a female villain. . When Mulan returns home, her father helps her complete the healing of her self-image; she didn't need to do a damn thing to be or prove of value to him.  The final thing I want to point out about Mulan is that while it certainly critiques society for what it does to people by enforcing ridiculous and oppressive roles and expectations on them, the story is not about changing society.  It's about one person's self-image and the way the people immediately around her shape that self-image.  Because of that, Mulan can be read as a low-key call for acceptance and support of non-conforming people in general. . . I want to talk just a bit about some of the music of Mulan.

“Honor To Us All” is intentionally stereotypically over the top because the audience needs to know what Mulan's own ridiculous standards that she's set herself up to fail to meet are.  It's not just that the standard is absurd; it's that she wants to meet them.  The song, while tonally light-hearted, is meant to capture the immense social anxiety of oppressive artificial social roles.  Incidentally, Chi Fu more or less serves the role of being the external expression of said oppressive artificial social roles, and he does it a bit too well to the point where everyone hates his character both in the movie and out, lol. "'Tis a woman! She’ll never be worth anything!"

"I'll Make A Man Out Of You" is meant to be cheekily over-the-top and ironic.  I shouldn't have to explain this.  Shang is using his over the top, silly similes about masculinity to try and pump up his incompetent recruits, but it's ultimately Mulan's intellect that propels her to become his best soldier.  I also want to point out that while Mulan is particularly incompetent at the start, ALL of the recruits are, and Disney Mulan has had NO experience with that sort of labor so it makes sense that she struggled particularly at first.  There's been a lot of great writing on the topic of this song already so I'm gonna stop here.

There really is no excuse for cutting “Reflection” and “I’ll Make A Man Out Of You.”  The other two songs are not so important but these two are.

.

Also, she doesn’t cut her hair.  What the fuck, Disney?  God damn it.

.

God, why did I write this?  This is just a massive badly constructed rambling rant, I’m sorry.

[velvet-tread]

so revisiting octavia blake (especially after what we’ve seen of her in s5e06 tonight)... what’s your understanding of octavia blake, in relation to bloodreina and also as one of the most disliked characters in the fandom?

 TW – there follows some discussion of abuse so if that is one of your sensitivities, I wish you well and recommend caution with what follows. Are you asking if I still stan Octavia now she’s Blodreina? Because the answer to that is complicated but basically yes. For clarity: stanning, to me, doesn’t involve nailing my colours to the mast and then contorting myself into ever more unlikely shapes to justify every single thing my fave has ever done. It’s possible to love and emphathise with a character, while also acknowledging the terrible things they’ve done or are. Maybe I don’t need to tell you this, but maybe others need to hear it: don’t let ANYONE shame you for loving Octavia. And by that I mean if someone tries, just tune them tf out. They don’t get it, they never will. They aren’t worth your time and energy. Let that truth set you free. So yeah, I still love Octavia, with all her flaws and her sharp edges. I can’t love Blodreina, but while Blodreina is certainly Octavia, Octavia is not Blodreina. Blodreina is the very worst of Octavia. Spoiled, demanding, hard, judgemental, imperious, unyielding, cold, unempathetic and very, very violent. She is the culmination of the story of a non-person, disempowered and locked up under the floor, coming into being and being handed a sword. And power. So much power. She is a product of necessity. She is an amalgamation of Jaha’s lessons, Indra and Kane’s guidance, Kara’s support and Gaia’s teachings. She has a god complex which, imo, can only go the way of Mount Weather. By which I mean it will probably consume everything in its path before blowing to smithereens and taking at least one of our faves down with it. But while Blodreina is certainly real, let’s not get carried away with OCTAVIA IS REVEALED AS FOR THE MONSTER SHE’S BEEN ALL ALONG. Deep breaths everyone, and maybe a sip of water. Blodreina is a persona who enables Octavia to carry out the most monstrous of deeds (hi Jaha!) and live with it. Has Octavia drunk the Blodreina Koolaid? Most certainly. But Octavia embracing her worst is not the same has Octavia being the worst. Also see: Bellamy season 1 and season 3a. Would you look at that A PARALLEL WE LOVE PARALLELS. Blodreina serves a purpose for Octavia-of-the-butterflies too. Because this show is this show and we are never more than a few monologues away from “love is weakness”, Blodreina is also a protective casing that locks away Octavia’s grief, her pain and her misery, her loneliness and self-loathing, along with her vulnerability and empathy. It seems super obvious to me that Octavia’s personal journey this season, apart from trying and presumably failing to keep Wonkru intact, will be about disassociating herself from Blodreina. And that, probably, won’t come without falling spectacularly from grace and facing her pain, and reckoning with the things she’s done. Also see: Bellamy seasons 1-4. Huh. What happens when the exoskeleton crumbles? What’s underneath? What will Octavia-who-washed-Lincoln’s-wounds, come to think about Blodreina and the things she’s done in the name of her people? How will she confront the agony of being Octavia Blake, naked, piteous and vulnerable, the girl under the floor who was denied existence?

I want these things for Octavia. I want the narrative to subject her to the most abject moral scrutiny because that is what you should want for the characters you love. It’s what makes them interesting. It’s what makes them matter. ALSO SEE BELLAMY FOREVER. Now I’ve been in this fandom long enough not to expect many others to see it this way. We are balls deep in moral monochrome here in the Bellarke fandom, and while that gives me pause for a sip of tea and a short prayer to the patron saints of patience, it’s not a situation that anyone can change, least of all me. And why would I? People are free to engage with the show how they want, as long as they stay in their lane.

And look, I get why some people can’t see past some of her sins. I, too, have characters that I dislike with varying degrees of rationality. But objectively, Octavia’s level of moral turpitude is at about the same level as any of the main characters. That’s just a fact. People’s personal preferences, while as valid as any other preference, are just that: subjective opinions. Where I start to sip my tea and raise my eyes to the heavens is when people start presenting their subjective opinions as objective FUCK YOU AND YOUR INBOX truth and thanks but no. It seems to be fanon lore now that Octavia is unempathetic and…it just makes no sense. This is the girl who was filled with wonder at Earth, who refused to let Jasper die even when everyone in camp wanted him to. She saw the humanity in Lincoln when Bellamy, Clarke and Raven could not. She saw the humanity in humanity when all anyone wanted to do was kill each other until they burned in Praimfaya. Wonkru exists because Octavia inspired them with her faith in them. The only way it begins to make sense is when you consider Octavia’s actions through the prism of Bellamy’s experience – which 8/10 is how the BC fandom at least views the show. (Also valid btw. I also project onto my faves! Bellamy among them! But see above for subjective opinion vs objective fact.) With Bellamy, the lack of empathy is real. Octavia, or at least the Octavia of seasons 1-4 high key struggled to see Bellamy as a fully realised person with desires and feelings of his own. But, while this sucks for Bellamy, from Octavia’s perspective it is entirely understandable. No matter how young Bellamy seems to us, to Octavia he is her parent figure. How many of the people on here haven’t put their parents through hell from time to time? I shouldn’t have to point out the bleeding obvious here, which is that teenagers who care deeply about animal welfare, trans rights, LGBTQA+ rights, poverty and climate change can also go through phases of being absolutely fucking awful to their parents. Often, that’s because in our world, teens are subjected to an unholy amount of pressure with which they struggle to cope, and the overspill of that hurt lands on the people responsible for them. It doesn’t make them bad people. And, yes, that can, occasionally, tip over into emotional and, more rarely, physical abuse but we don’t usually call it that. We call that “teenagers being fucking awful” and I am 100% sure that this is the context the writers room is working from. Do I think it’s acceptable, or justified? Hell no. But it’s important to take these narrative threads in the context of the real-world understanding of the people who develop them. This show isn’t created in a vacuum. Now work the scenario I outlined above into a post-apocalyptic landscape with 2x traumatised victims of systemic injustice, one of whom was locked up by the other because of that injustice. Yeah. What is so interesting to me is that the blind spot Octavia has wrt Bellamy – the blind spot that denied him access to the empathy she showed everyone else - has come into play again now she’s Blodreina, but in a different way. After 6 years of having everyone kowtow to her, and after vowing not to love, suddenly Octavia is making concession after concession for her brother at huge personal risk to herself.  It might not seem like that to us, or to Bellamy (and legit! I get why, from Bellamy’s POV), but to Octavia it must seem like she’s trying SO HARD to give him what he wants within the framework of what she thinks is achievable. Consider love is weakness. Consider that she throws herself into his arms on sight, in full view of all of her people. Consider being the arbiter of life and death for 6 years. Now consider Bellamy asking her to trust him. She does and is rewarded with a sonic blast. Bellamy delivers her an ultimatum about Echo, and she concedes. She fucking concedes! When has she ever willingly conceded on anything and ESPECIALLY NOW SHE HOLDS THE POWER OF AN EMPEROR? It’s fairly obvious from the Blake siblings sparring session that Bellamy was the symbolic winner. He got through to her. Octavia NEVER forgives. But she offers Echo – the woman whose sins Octavia will never forget - a way out. When Echo and Bellamy refuse, does she banish Echo? She could do. She’s Blodreina. She’s used to doing whatever the fuck she wants. But, no. She accepts the alternative, and even helps Echo on her way. Yes, it’s brutal and Blodreina-y and serves a double purpose but still, she helps her. She’s not doing that for Echo.  She’s doing it for Bellamy. No, she’s not doing it with a winning smile and a cuddle, but that’s not Blodreina’s style. She tries to thank him for saving them, in the only way she knows how. She reaches out, and he lashes out with cold anger. And perhaps it’s deserved. No, it’s definitely deserved, but GODDAMMIT that was a “you’re dead to me” level of cruelty. Can I just roll back a second and talk about how co-dependent the Blake sibs are? Cool. A friend (I can’t remember who, sorry) once said that Bellamy and Octavia carried their cage back down to Earth with them. And for seasons 1-4 that is absolutely what happened. They are spectacularly co-dependent. Bellamy depends on her to give him purpose, and a direction and reason to live. Octavia depends on him to absorb the overspill of her hurt, to push against, to take the blame for all of the ills in her life. It sucks for them both, and they’re TRAPPED, so terribly trapped, and neither is the other’s jailer but neither can walk away either. And just, what strikes me about the interactions we saw in the sneak peek for 507 is that maybe, FINALLY, Bellamy has broken free of their co-dependent relationship.  He may not even realise it yet, but he has completely re-centred his world around Spacekru now. And I think, that if push comes to shove, he will prioritise Spacekru above Octavia, even if it hurts them both.  It doesn’t mean he loves Octavia any less, but after 6 years of love and support and peace and quiet, Bellamy has broken out of the cage. Bellamy is free. Excuse me while I cry tears of joy. But Octavia isn’t free. Octavia hasn’t had 6 years of peace and support and love. Octavia’s life has been marked by trauma from the moment of her birth, and the trauma hasn’t let up for a single goddamned second it just keeps coming and coming and coming until all she has is her walls and an alter-ego and the hope that she can keep Wonkru together and her brother by her side. Believe me when I say that Octavia is still very much trapped inside the cage which Bellamy has now vacated. IT IS ALL VERY HEARTBREAKING OKAY. IT HURTS. So yes, I still love Octavia and I am ready to see her again when Blodreina falls.

[we-work-hard]

Green: Part Two

Pairing: Early 20s AJ Styles x 45 year old Shane McMahon (he hasn’t come back to WWE in this fic)

Summary: Shane kept being drawn back to the NXT Performance Center by one of the wrestlers trying out for a contract in Part One... now the boy’s being sent back home... 

Notes: Prequel to the filth that was Room 117 – trying for more than ‘~SUDDENLY: PENETRATION!~’ (which is really HARD FOR ME, you guys *CRIES*). AJ is supposed to look like this during this chapter, btw

Warnings: Age difference, mention of religion, adultery, typos probably, no penetration... yet 

Tagging: The peeps who were nice about Room 117 or the first chapter of this one/some Tumblr NetBots probs/and peeps who just put up with this bullshit (thank you all again for being so lovely and supportive to this hole of thirst and mess, it means a lot to me) – and yeah, if this totally isn’t your thing, please do scroll on by, that’s cool x... @llowkeys @scriptor @cruxcantare @komegamanx @castielscamander @unabashedwwesmut @athoughtfulmindwrites @the-geekgoddes @your-darkdiva @toosweetme @osanabria2377 @stylessection @cookiemonster2017 @princessgailr-blog @secretagentfangirl @artemisapalla316 @loveambrylayn @tvrnbvckle @kingslayers-angel @immalittledinosaur01 @wrestlingbabe @wweconfidential @aintnopartymd @blondekel77 @missmcmahon @wycliffegordon @imlivinthebilife @xepa123 @idle-vanity @alexahood21 @mylittlepartofthegalaxy @alliedbiscuit @violas87 @wweshesaro

Green: Part Two

He’s found him.

"AJ – you okay?”

“Holy frick, it’s you… You know my name?” 

“Of course I know your name, Allen Neal Jones – you know mine?”

He’s struck by how different AJ looks in the early evening sun away from the artificial light of the Performance Center. This close, he can see the slight scarring across AJ's cheeks from what must have been bad skin as a teenager. The gold hoops in his ears. He’s wearing a white cap turned backwards, faded Hollister shirt, and ripped-up jeans that don't quite look fashionably old. They look like AJ needed this break and the extra money a developmental NXT contract would have given him. He’s well-fed and strong though, clearly takes care of himself – his big scuffed-up hands show he works hard for everything he gets, too. 

AJ gives a smile at Shane using his full name, eyes going from taken aback to warm when they really lock in, catching. They’re light blue, slightly too far apart on his face.

Shane’s getting to see more of the real person, not just the smile and goofing around from tryouts. And the real person in front of him looks… really good. Too good. But mixed in with the attraction he feels a powerful need to help the younger man, reassuring him that his intentions for running out here can be right and not selfish. Shane will ignore what’s making his pulse speed up; he has to. The guy's had a huge knock back today, so Shane will see him right, send him on his way, and wish him well. Then he’ll forget the boy he saw at the Performance Center that time that stirred up all those strange feelings.

He takes a stabilising breath and tells himself he can do that. 

But he’s getting caught up in a loop of looking and smiling back instead of making sure the boy's okay... AJ breaks the contact first though, looking down for a beat, thinking about Shane's question, then looking back up to give his answer with a teasing spark in the blue.

"You're the guy that don't work here but keeps sneaking in. Security in there ain't too good, they keep letting folks in off the street."

AJ creases his face up, closing one eye to look up at Shane in the sunlight, smiling his crooked smile. He settles back down onto the bench and folds his big hands together between his legs, waiting for what Shane will say to that.

"I guess that's right." Shane feels his own smile getting bigger.

"Annnnd," AJ draws the word out, "You nodded at me on the first day I was here... And you can't cross your eyes; I know that, too."

Shane folds his arms across his chest and nods slowly, pretending to be impressed with the facts that younger man has put together about him so far. "You're very perceptive, that's good. Anything else you know about me?"

"Well, you look like Shane McMahon, but…” AJ narrows his eyes and makes to look him over some more, acting like he’s really thinking about it. "Your hair’s different," he says, smile still teasing and light eyebrows raised. He’s chipper enough to be hitting Shane with all this sass so he must be doing okay after the shitty news, Shane thinks with relief. Okay, that's a start.

"The grey throwing you off, huh?" Shane smiles, pointing at his hair. 

"Naw, I know you; did soon as I saw you on the first day,” AJ says, dropping the teasing. “And the grey looks okay, I guess."

"That means a lot to me that you think that, thank you – can I sit?'

"Sure thing, Shane."

Inside, Shane’s thrilled that AJ feels comfortable enough with him to skip the formalities. But then AJ falters, the easy confidence seeping away. "I mean, uh, Mr McMahon. Sir."

Shane sits, turning to him to talk. 

"’Shane’ is good. You like ‘AJ’ or ‘Allen’ better?"

"AJ. Yeah. My dad calls me Allen." His father seems to be a sore point, from the shift of his shoulders. Shane’s not going to make him talk about that.

“Okay; AJ... I wanted to find you, come talk to you for a while. Just make sure you're okay – alright?" AJ swallows and nods, relaxing again. Shane craves this connection they'd seemed to have instantly formed earlier in the week, before they’d even spoken. Not to be seen as an authority figure to be kowtowed to. It’s strange to feel so comfortable, and comforted, by a person’s presence like this – someone he doesn’t know at all. But then, AJ seemed to catch on to the feeling, too.

AJ straightens back up. "I need to sign any more forms, I messed up on anything in there?"

"No, no, no – nothing like that. They wouldn't send me out for that. You’re right; I don't work there."

"Guess that's something we have in common then,” AJ frowns, settling back down. “So, you heard, huh?"

"I did,” Shane can’t help but sigh, angry on AJ’s behalf, noticing how stormy AJ’s eyes have gotten, too. He’s got fire in him – NXT could have used that if they’d taken the time to look for it. “You have somewhere to go? I heard your flight got cancelled – they couldn’t get you another one tonight?”

“There’s a flight for me tomorrow booked already – don’t worry about me, Shane”. He clears his throat at using Shane’s name so casually, squeezing his hands together tighter.

“You staying with one of the guys?”

“Hoping to – just waiting for them to come back.”

“AJ, just come back in. Let the company book you another room.”

AJ lets out a frustrated noise and looks away, shaking his head.

“No.” 

Shane’s not pushy, but then he’s also not used to being told no.

“No?”

“Nope. I’m not goin’ back in there.”

Shane sees how firm AJ’s mouth is; stubborn and set on this idea. But Shane’s set on the idea of helping him out, somehow. To make up for what’s happened. To make sure he has a comfortable night. And as some kind of thank you for… Shane doesn’t even know. Smiling at him? Cheering him up? Getting him to at least come to terms with the business he’s been running from for years? Sitting with him for a few minutes?

“Fine, you don’t have to go back in there.” AJ nods at Shane, like ‘yes, I am not going back in there’.

“But you shouldn't have to pay for a room, and you shouldn't have to stay on anyone's couch, okay? Let me organise you a place to stay tonight, if they’re so terrible,” he offers, nodding his head back at the building behind them.

AJ's mouth twitches with amusement at the dismissal of the family company, but stops himself. “I told you – I don’t need help.”

“How will you feel, rooming with people who are coming back here to train tomorrow? Can you do that?” Shane asks softly, seeing AJ frown.

“It’ll be sucky...”

“I thought so.”

“But, I don’t take hand outs. Never. I’m sorry to be so rude to ya – I appreciate your kindness right now, I really do. But I won’t take it."

Shane feels his exasperation rising at the offer being rebuffed.

“AJ – I am not leaving a kid out here waiting for a room he might not get-”

“I’m not a kid,” AJ blurts, incredulous.  

“You are to me,” Shane counters.

“I bet everyone’s a kid to you, though, huh?” the younger man grumbles down to his hand, picking at a hangnail.

Shane lets out a chuckle at the attitude. “Better watch that mouth – I saw your moves in that ring, and I know all the counters.”

“Pffft,” AJ blows a breath out of the side of this mouth, turning his head to look at Shane with a grin again. Seems he doesn’t stay irritated for long. “You wanna wrestle over this?" He pulls himself upright and slaps his knees. "I wrestled Greco-Roman at High School you know, got a pretty good record. You wanna try me?”

“Hmm, I don’t think I have a good chance of winning, then – High School was a long time ago for me. But then, you’d probably noticed that. What with the hair, and all.”

AJ sniggers, then sighs and scratches at his arm, creasing his face back up. “You ain’t gonna lay off me about this, are ya?”

“Nope,” Shane echoes AJ’s earlier assertion. “Look – the hotel I’m at is pretty good, pretty cheap, so it’s no inconvenience, really,” Shane makes sure to say. It’s not cheap, he doesn’t stay in cheap hotels, but AJ doesn’t need to know that. He just needs to stop baulking at 'taking a hand out', let Shane help him get a place to sleep. And then Shane won’t be tormented by the memory of leaving him out here on his own.

And, hopefully, he won’t be left with this mixed-up feeling. If AJ accepts Shane’s help, will this stop the fascination? Shane looking out for him; trying to be fatherly instead? Maybe Shane’s intentions are partially spurred by his own guilt at wanting to look at him so much; okay. Maybe… maybe this can assuage that. And he can at least partially right the wrong that’s been done by WWE today, kicking a talented guy back out into the world and telling him his dream won’t be coming true.

“Cheap, huh?” AJ says, completely unaware of all the turmoil Shane’s trying to squash down just next to him. He's onto Shane's lie about it being cheap, though. “That’s perfect, then – I’ll pay for-“

“No, you won’t,” Shane takes a breath and really looks at AJ, willing him to understand why he needs to help him.

“They should have taken you on, okay? They should have.”

AJ slumps down a little, taking the words in and believing them. Shane can see in his eyes how much he needed to hear that.

“This wasn’t right. You should be in there and training with them. They made the wrong call today. And I can’t let… Please, let me do something for you. Please.”

AJ’s eyes gaze over Shane’s face, considering. After a few seconds, he nods. “Okay. But only because you won’t let up. And I wasn’t brought up to be rude to my elders.”

Shane can’t stop himself from laughing again, rubbing a hand over his face and nodding back at AJ, taking in his mockingly serious look.

“You really do have a mouth on you, don’t you? Well, that’s okay. I need food – you can recommend something quick and horrible to me in the car, I bet. And maybe if you eat it'll stop that mouth of yours sassing me so much.”

“I doubt if anything can stop that. But you can try.”

***

"Your taste in music is terrible, ya know."

Shane's driving to the hotel with AJ in the seat next to him finally, both windows open and blowing cool air through the hot car. AJ’s taken his cap off to ruffle his hair, slumping back in the seat with one arm hanging out over the door. He’s scrolling through Shane’s iPod and curling his lip.  

"’Debussy’? What in the heck is that?" 

And AJ allowed him to take him to get food. AJ’d wanted to go to Sonic for a cheeseburger and a milkshake... which was disgusting, actually, but Shane was in the mood for disgusting. A self-administered punishment for enjoying being around AJ so much, perhaps.

"Oh, shoot; now look at this – you like ‘Tony! Toni! Toné!’?! We're listenin' to that, right now..."

AJ's cheered up a lot since he's had the opportunity to look through Shane's iPod and laugh at his music collection.

"Are you even old enough to remember that song?"

"I'm not that young," AJ scoffs with a smile hitting play and sitting back in his seat, tapping his fingers against the leg closest to Shane. 

He emphasises the 'g' on 'young', and his ‘I’ comes out as ‘Ahh’. Shane’s always loved Southern accents, and AJ’s is almost guttural in its thickness, but smooth. He could listen to him talk for hours. So far, he’s been treated to hearing AJ’s thoughts on Shane’s music taste, and the story of how he came to his faith a few years ago during a difficult time at college. They’ve also covered the current state of politics in America (AJ thought Bush was underrated as a President. Well, okay – Shane hasn’t heard much different over dinner with this parents), and conspiracy theories AJ is into (the moon landing, the earth maybe being flat, the Avril Lavigne theory… that’s not one Shane’s heard in detail before. He isn’t convinced. Also, he doesn’t really know who Avril Lavigne is. Or was). Plus, AJ’s favourite topic – wrestling.

“You must have met people younger than me working in the business.”

“Sure – but they knew the earth is round; they seemed older in that way.”

“All I’m sayin’ is, when we go our separate ways? Look into it, man.”

Their separate ways. That’s not something Shane wants to think about right now. Right now, he’s got a light feeling in his heart, one he hasn’t had for years. AJ is funny, and a goofball, and… Shane’s trying to ignore the other feelings he’s still getting, having him so close to him. He wants to look after him and see him fed and housed for the night, that’s all. If he likes talking to him, well, AJ’s a likable guy. And if he likes looking at him, when he turns his eyes to the side, well… Shane hasn’t come up with a reason for that. At least not one he wants to examine in any detail.

The gold of his wedding ring winks in the sun as he turns the wheel and the guilt flares up again. He knows exactly why he likes looking at AJ so much. AJ is… beautiful. That’s the only word Shane can come up with for him. He’s like the statues his wife dragged him around Florence to look at a few years ago – perfect in form; a masculine kind of beauty. He hadn’t understood that concept at the time, didn’t think it was possible for the male form to be beautiful. But AJ is. He’s vital; full of life and silly jokes. AJ’s turning out to be like Shane’s version of cat nip. If Shane was capable of purring, that’s what he’d be doing right now.

His phone starts ringing. AJ looks at the name on the screen from where it lays on the dashboard between them.

“That your wife?” That sobers Shane up.

“Guess so.”

“How long you been married?”

“Long time.”

“You’ve got kids, right?”

“Yup. All boys.”

AJ sits back in his seat and looks more serious, all the giddiness sucked out of the car.

“You gonna answer it?”

“I’ll call her back later.”

AJ crosses his arms, waits for it to ring out. He starts to talk quietly when the phone goes silent – Shane struggles to hear him over the music in the car.

“I always wanted to get married, have kids n’ get settled... I’ve got a girlfriend, been with her for about a year now. Met her at a church social.”

He pauses to swallow, lick his lips. “I love her, I think.”

Shane wonders why he’s being told this, and turns to flick his eyes to AJ and then back to the road. “You only ‘think’?”

“I don’t know,” AJ shrugs, looking ahead blankly. “How do you know?”

“You just… want to be with that person all the time, I guess. Can’t imagine not being with them. That’s how I felt.”

AJ doesn’t answer, just pulls on his lower lip.

“You feel like that?”

AJ’s face stays blank as he replies, eyes sliding to Shane and then back away. “Sure.”

They don’t talk again until they get to the hotel.

[junker-town]

U.S. Open 2017: Rory McIlroy is not happy the USGA mowed the lawn

The fescue of Erin Hills has become the star of the U.S. Open during the first two practice days.

We’re having a big debate about mowing the grass so it must be U.S. Open week. This is what happens every year, whether it’s setup, conditioning, or weather, the course is always the star at the U.S. Open. It leads us into hours of coverage and thousands of words about things like “wiregrass” and “native sandy areas” and “fescue.”

This week at Erin Hills, an 11-year-old course that will be viewed with some skepticism just because it’s new, the big uproar has centered around the knee-high rough. It’s the kind of high stuff you might see off the fairway at a U.S. Open or British Open, but the problems here have centered around how thick its grown in Wisconsin. Wes Bryan gave us the first look a couple weeks ago, when he demonstrated just how fast it can gobble up a ball that’s really not too far off one these uncharacteristically wide fairways.

Holy wow! Here's your @usopengolf preview http://pic.twitter.com/VDLUdYiF4o

— Wesley Bryan (@wesleybryangolf) May 30, 2017

Then this week, Kevin Na went on a bit of a rant that really ignited this fescue fracas and made it the biggest topic of these pre-tournament hype days. Na lost his ball after taking a couple hopeless swipes through the stuff.

Erin Hills is a great design course but the fescue is almost unplayable. BTW never found the ball. So don't hit it in there lol. straight hitters have a chance! #usopen #erinhills #mikedavis #lostball #usga

A post shared by Kevin Na (@kevinna915) on Jun 11, 2017 at 10:24am PDT

So that’s what we’ve been talking about the past couple days, with a brief interlude from Gary Player, who decided to bring up past U.S. Open course atrocities with a ranting letter on Monday afternoon.

The rough is really thick this week just off the edge of the fairway! #usopen

A post shared by Lee Westwood (@westwood_lee) on Jun 12, 2017 at 2:10pm PDT

While the high grass isn’t necessarily a problem, and hazards and penalties for bad shots are a part of the game, the big concern was more with how thick this was so close to the fairway. Geoff Shackelford suspected that “overspray” from the maintenance crews had made it overly thick in places just closest to the fairway, having the unintended effect of actually making it better to go farther off the fairway and hit a worse shot into fescue that was not as dense. There was also a fear that we could be in for six hour rounds with players looking for balls in the fescue and trying to hammer it out of there. Some players said recovery attempts would go only two feet and other times close to 100 yards — it wasn’t going far but it was pretty unpredictable what you could do with it.

On Tuesday, the USGA added another twist to the grass drama. All of a sudden, players started sending social media reports of crews shaving it down. Peter Uihlein came in first.

Guess the USGA decided to be nice this week and cut down some of the rough http://pic.twitter.com/RPHunJyKx1

— Peter Uihlein (@PeterUihlein) June 13, 2017

RIP @ErinHillsFescue. Some stars shine so bright they burn out before their time. #USOpen http://pic.twitter.com/rebmAjY37t

— Joel Beall (@JoelMBeall) June 13, 2017

They've listened to the complaints and chopping down the rough on the 4th. Make room in the compost bin #USOpen http://pic.twitter.com/XLwPaNsifp

— Iain Carter (@iaincartergolf) June 13, 2017

The immediate reaction to this pretty significant course alteration just 36 hours before the start of the championship was that the USGA was kowtowing to early player complaints like Na’s rant. But the USGA was quick to clarify once the photos of the grass-cutting got out that this was all part of a plan, telling Golf Channel’s Rex Hoggard that it was a “prescribed plan based on the weather.” It was cut back significantly on four holes, including the 18th. Storms over the last 24 hours had added a ton of moisture to what was already almost unplayable stuff and that could have forced their hands to tuck it back before the championship started on Thursday.

The crew is mowing down areas of fescue roughs that were knocked down by heavy rains. "It would be unplayable," @USGA's Darin Brevard said http://pic.twitter.com/5TtEQOaM5e

— Golfdom (@Golfdom) June 13, 2017

Of course, we then had a reaction to the reaction. One of the defining characteristics of this Erin Hills course is its wide fairways. From all accounts, they’re the widest ever at a U.S. Open and just not what you’re used to seeing at the national championship. Many of them are 60-yards wide, with one getting over 75 paces. One narrows to about 35 yards in a tight landing area, which is more in line with a U.S. Open. So it wasn’t crazy to have grass this high and thick close enough to the first cut of rough. You had to hit a pretty bad shot to get there, and it could rightly be viewed as a hazard even it wasn’t marked as so.

Players in this US Open will get no sympathy from those of us who played in '06 and '07 when +5 won both years. 60 yard corridors! #cmonbrah

— Arron Oberholser (@ArronOberholser) June 13, 2017

What! . They're going soft! https://t.co/6dAsyoHt3T

— Lee Westwood (@WestwoodLee) June 13, 2017

It’s still going to be a penal to miss the fairway, it’s just in some of these spots, it will be four inches of thick stuff and not two feet.

Rory McIlroy, who should enjoy a particular advantage this week because he’s maybe the best driver in the world, was not crazy about the move. His response, in effect, was that if you can’t hit a 60-yard fairway, maybe should deserve to have to looking for your ball in that stuff, or pack up and go home. McIlroy was told of the move in the middle of his press conference, so his comments came candid and off-the-cuff.

Rory's response to the news that some of the fescue is being mowed down: http://pic.twitter.com/FLvpDDn351

— Eric Buenning (@ericbuenning) June 13, 2017

So there you have it. The grass was grown. The USGA went out to cut it. Arguably the biggest name in the game didn’t understand why. It became the story of the day. And we officially have ourselves a U.S. Open.