#Helps me figure out exactly how I interpreted the episodes

[calamitys-child]

Listening to a podcast discussing conspiracy theories and deconstructing the ideas behind them and it's reminded me of the coolest practical lessons in critical thinking I ever got, both in high school, both from the same teacher. One was a month long project on who killed jfk in which we could basically present any theory as long as we cited all our reasons and it got us really excited about research and interpretation, but it was the follow up that I liked best.

Our next project she brought us into class and showed us a documentary claiming the moon landing was faked. Gave us worksheets to do that sided with that stance. And at the end of class a bunch of us were like miss wait this doesn't seem right?? and she said okay, we'll discuss that next week. The next lesson, she showed us a mythbusters episode countering all the claims of the original documentary and gave us worksheets for that, and another bunch of people went wait miss you can't teach us two opposing things, which one is right? What do we put on the exam??

So she split the class in two and told us each to present a case based on each side, and to explain why our source was or wasn't the more reliable of the two. Got us to debate each other directly and use additional sources to back us up and explain why those sources were reliable and should be believed. And because they were randomly assigned there was no guarantee you'd agree with the stance you were presenting, but you had to present it like you did. At the end of the project she asked us all which stance we found more convincing and why, and the majority of us basically said "we think that the moon landing is real because most of the arguments against it seem like someone reacted to a confusing thing without testing it, but when you test it and ask the person running the test to explain the science it makes sense once you have more information. Also, one documentary was made with the help of scientists with qualifications and experience and the other was made by people who don't have that but like to write mystery books, which looks like a less reliable way to get an answer. But we still dont understand why you showed us both if one is wrong."

And she was like excellent. You've done exactly what you should do. At high school level, we as teachers are expected to filter for the reliable sources for you, so you know to repeat that to pass an exam, but if you want to be historians on your own, I won't be your teacher any more once you graduate. Lots of people have opinions and theories and research about times in history, and it's your job to learn how to look at them and decide who you want to trust. This won't be on the exam, but I need you all to know it. You all did a great job following the school's instructions to repeat information you were given, but for some of you, that information wasn't on a reliable foundation. I know you all know how to pass an exam. You're smart and you've been trained to follow these instructions. What you deserve to be taught is how to use all this once you don't have to do exams any more.

And then as a reward for us doing a good job at figuring out the value of checking your sources' sources she let us watch Bush get hit in the face with a shoe before we had to go to maths. Shoutout to you Ms Hannah you were a good'un I hope you're doing well ten years on from that class

[bookishbrewer]

Cyn - The Disabled Neurodivergent Sibling:

⚠️ WARNING: this post will include discussion of bullying, ableism of numerous kinds, abuse, trauma.

First, let's establish 2 important terms for this post:

Zombie Drone - a state in which a worker drone is improperly disposed of. The WD enters a state of self-reboot as a result of: their core not being properly disconnected, the hardware not physically destroyed or a 606 error is interrupted. In a 0.7% chance, there's the risk of said WD rebooting with a "potential hazardous mutation".

The Absolute Solver - an incredibly advanced monstrous code and supernatural artificial intelligence that mutates in damaged forms of lesser AI.

Neurodivergent:

Cyn is first introduced in a flashback in episode 2, when she is scavenged & brought back to the Elliot mansion by Tessa. Right at the beginning, we the shy drone do something that may be interpreted as neurodivergent - imprinting:

Yes, I may be reading too deeply into this, but the fact that Cyn immediately focuses on the drone with the least threatening position & expression makes me think she may interpret him as the safest person to be around.

Just before this scene, we as the audience got to see the relationship between the main 3 drones Cyn will interact with in the mension:

1. N & V - they are the more meek & submissive types. They're both portrayed as sensitive, and have something of a crush on each other.

2. J - she's more of a mean 'older-bully-sibling' type. Not hasitating to command her peers, even using verbal & physical violence to do so.

So, in a sense, Cyn was right.

In ASD, for example, neurodivergent people might rely on siblings for interpreting social cues, deepening their connection. In addition, siblings may become key figures in routines and shared interests, leading to strong bonds (see for example how N reacts to Cyn showing him "those eyes" referring to her putting a picture of a golden retriever on her visor to convince him to go ask Tessa if they can attend the gala together. Or N suggesting the both of them will watch a movie together).

For another example, ADHD, siblings might help manage impulsivity & help with conflict resolution. We see an example of this in this clip:

After Tessa's abusive mother tells her off, Cyn steps in & exclaims that "they are not broken. We can no longer be thrown out", in direct reaction to the mother threatening to throw out all of Tessa's "dumpster pets".

This, clearly, triggers Cyn's trauma we see a glimpse of in episode 5:

She wakes up in what is essentially a pile of dead bodies, deeply woulded, hurt & terrified. This is what she is referring to, this is what 'no longer' means. It means 'not again'. She doesn't wish what she went through on anyone.

Even though N, Tessa's favorite, protects Cyn, it does not shelter her from Tessa's abuse. Now, let me reiterate, I know that Tessa is an abused child. She suffers from emotional, physical & verbal abuse from both her parents (& maybe other caretakers) and is also just a kid. My point in mentioning said abuse is to merely point put that this is an example to the cycle of it continuing, creating more victims.

Tessa inflicts on Cyn the exact same abuse she suffers at the hands of her parents & more:

She displays blatent favoritism towards certain drones (N & J) over others (neglects V & treats Cyn badly).

She threatens Cyn that something might happen to her if N is hurt for defending her from her mother.

She chains & locks Cyn in the basement with the use of one of her favorite drones (J):

Another example of Cyn's implied neurodiversity is her misunderstanding of Tessa's words. When Tessa threatens Cyn that something might happen to her if N is hurt "because of her" she simply replies:

Cyn does not exactly understand that Tessa is worried that N might die. To her, it is meaningless, because she (or rather, the Absolute Solver) has backups of Ns personality (which is displayed in future episodes, when it is revealed that she is the one to send the murder drones to Copper 9). This is very similar to how people with ASD (& others) may take a statement too literally or misunderstand it at first.

Another tidbit that I like about Cyn, is that she doesn't like being condescended to. She talks back to those who belittle her because of her being 'different'. Not only to Tessa & her mother, but also to her fellow drones:

Cyn: it seems that J forgot to let me out of my basement time-out again.

J: yet here you are.

Cyn (turning to N): annoyed expression.

She also does it to N in her eldritch form:

Another thing I'd like to add is Cyn being quite quirky & unique in her peaceful days, before the Solver took over her entirely:

Physically Disabled

We know that Cyn was sent to be destroyed for some reason before the show began. Her almost being destroyed caused numerous disabilities, some of them were cured (for example: her cracked visor was fixed) but some remained as lasting effects:

Linguistic differences/disabilities -

Cyn cannot talk in a more "smooth" way like her fellow drones. Her voice can be interpreted as robotic & distant (a characteristic some neurodivergent & disabled people may have or may be precieved as having).

Instead of just doing, Cyn says her actions out loud, for example: "sheepish nod", "shuffle, shuffle, shuffle", "tantrum", "jumpscare", "light sip". Some neurodivergent individuals, such as people diagnosed with ADHD may express their thoughts or describe their actions out loud as they are doing them to help with focus, brain fog & organization.

Bodily impairments -

Cyn stands a bit crookedly & doesn't get much support from her limbs to hold her body.

Her head cannot be held straight & has to be supported by something (she usually uses her hand to do that. Even in her eldritch form, before committing the massacre in Elliot mansion):

Though there are many voices of people, both disabled & otherwise that speak against disabled characters being portrayed as villains, I believe Cyn is in no way a disrespectful character. Before she is entirely lost to the Solver her trauma is explored, validated & expended on. She is portrayed as sweet, charming, complex & loving. She is also shown as being bullied, discarded, hurt & abused.

Her disabilities are not the cause of her fall to evil & are not her "trademark" when it comes to her definition (similarly to how, let's say, Darth Vader is mocked for his suit & is known & feared partially because of it). They are a part of her, but they are not the only aspect in her life that define her.

I think Cyn is a pretty good example of what a disabled person may go through in different stages of their lives. As a new sibling, as an unfavored child, as a server/worker, as a friend, as a hero & yes, as a victim of circumstances beyond their control.

I love Cyn, she's very special to me & I can't wait to see where her story will go.

Thank you for reading 🙏💜

[vindicated-truth]

I've ruminated a lot about how Joowon doesn't process social cues as a normal person would, for reasons that may be due to his nature or to his upbringing: he's read as someone who's either neurodivergent / autistic, or a survivor of childhood trauma with CPTSD—or quite possibly both.

I realize this because with both Dongsik and Hyeok, Joowon completely misunderstood what the two of them were trying to tell him—that both of them were just trying to protect him, each in their own way.

In Busan, Hyeok told Joowon this:

"Joowon-ah. A good boy like you who learned everything from books and believes the world is just and fair shouldn't get involved with a nutcase like Lee Dongsik. He'll make use of you in every single way, and nothing will go your way. You struggle, and you put up a fight. Then he ends up devouring you. And like that, the end. "It's okay, Joowon-ah. We can't help it. How can you, who had a privileged life, win against a guy who had to tough it out on the streets? You could never win unless you were reborn. That's why I, who also lived a tough life will do everything I can to— "Just leave everything to me."

What Hyeok has been trying to tell Joowon here is that he, as Joowon's hyung, his surrogate older brother, will be the one to do all the dirty work in Joowon's stead, because Joowon couldn't possibly understand what it's like due to the privileged life he leads.

Joowon, however, interprets it as a dare.

'You have to be reborn. You have to be exactly like Dongsik.'

And that's exactly what he did: he followed Hyeok's advice according to his own interpretation of what Hyeok told him. (He even thanked Hyeok for it, which meant he clearly understood it as advice but with an entirely different interpretation.)

It's why post-Episode 8, I don't look at Joowon as a "worse" version of himself, but I see him as doing his best to be Dongsik 2.0. After all, that's whom Hyeok told him to be like.

He did exactly what Dongsik did with Minjeong's fingers and Lee Geumhwa's burner phone: he planted his own evidence so that the police would take notice. Dongsik himself has figured this out, even if he didn't know or understand why Joowon suddenly chose to follow his lead.

What Joowon did in planting Yoon Mihye's death certificate and the fishing line used in Kang Jinmook's suicide in Nam Sangbae's vault is the same tactical strategy Dongsik did.

Dongsik knew that even if he did call to report on his discovery of Minjeong's fingers in the Kang basement, all it would lead to is a possible indictment of Minjeong's mutilation, but not necessarily her disappearance and death (since he has no evidence to support otherwise). Dongsik would have no way of proving that Jinmook killed her—or all the other women whose bodies still haven't been found, including his own sister.

Similarly, Joowon planted the fake "evidence" in Nam Sangbae's vault because he has no way of reporting that Sangbae has been stalking Jaeyi in Busan without endangering her (because at this point he has no clear idea what Sangbae's intentions are in tailing her); while at the same time he has no other way of trying to find out Jaeyi's intentions without alerting Sangbae to her whereabouts, which is exactly why he also blackmailed her with the dashboard camera footage.

Joowon, with his intellect, used these strategies knowing that neither Sangbae nor Jaeyi will be indicted for it. He knowingly planted the evidence because he knew that with the video footage of multiple people going into Sangbae's office, Sangbae won't be indicted for it. He knew that Sangbae would still be safe and will very likely be released. And he knew that Jaeyi won't be indicted either, despite the dashcam footage, if it's true that she had nothing to do with Jinmook's death.

Joowon is smart, and he isn't cruel. In both Jaeyi's and Sangbae's cases, he knew that the evidences he "manufactured" won't be enough to indict them. He just did all these to push things forward and set the ball rolling for the police to take notice—exactly like Dongsik did with Kang Minjeong's fingers and Lee Geumhwa's phone.

And exactly what Hyeok, in Joowon's understanding, told him to do.

Similarly, during the meal Joowon shared with Dongsik after Joowon confessed his father's crimes, Dongsik told Joowon this:

"About that recording, I saved the file using different methods. So that if you get out of my sight, I can spread it right away."

What Dongsik meant about this is that he was worried for Joowon's safety, especially because what Joowon just vowed to do—bring his own father down—would likely bring Joowon into the line of fire too.

But Dongsik never wanted that. Which is why what he meant by threatening to expose the file if Joowon disappears is that he actually would be willing to give up the chance to indict Han Kihwan for his sister's murder if it meant Joowon would be safe. If it meant, in releasing the illegally recorded evidence, that Joowon can come back to him safe and sound.

This actually speaks volumes about how Dongsik has come to truly care for Joowon because he is, in essence, going against everything he has ever said to Lee Sangyeob, once upon a time: No citizen shall be placed in double jeopardy.

Dongsik knew that in releasing the illegally recorded file, without the pertinent evidence to back it up, would erase the chance for Han Kihwan to be indicted if he's released due to lack of evidence. Yet despite fighting all his life to find his sister's murderer, he's actually willing to forego the chance to finally indict Han Kihwan if it meant Joowon would be safe.

(It's partly the reason too why he refused to hand over the recording to Jihwa when she asked for it, because Dongsik has to make sure he has that ace up his sleeve so that if necessary, he can also protect Joowon with it.)

Joowon, however, once again interpreted it wrongly. It's because he's the son of the murderer of Dongsik's sister, because he had just vowed to bring his own father down, and because of his own rigid moral compass that he holds everyone up to, including himself—

It absolutely does not compute in Joowon's mind that Dongsik would be doing this for his safety—that Dongsik was worried for him.

Instead, he hears it for the threat he believes it is: If you disappear and don't follow through with your promise to bring Han Kihwan to justice, I will release this recording even if it meant it will destroy your life too.

And it's not even that Joowon cares about ruining his own life—he makes it very clear that he doesn't—but that he's determined to prove to Dongsik that his vow wasn't an empty one and that he would see through it no matter what.

Which is again, exactly what Joowon proves, over and over again, until the end when Joowon, while calmly aiming a gun at his own father, asks Dongsik himself to finally handcuff Han Kihwan after 21 long years.

What I'm trying to say in pointing out both scenarios with Hyeok and Dongsik is: Joowon listens. He actually follows what is said to him, especially by people whom he has a great deal of respect and care for.

He just couldn't interpret any of it as people caring for him, because he grew up in an environment where people didn't care for him, where the very people who should have cared for him the most either sent him away (his father) or abandoned him (his mother).

(Hyeok, the only one who has ever stayed, was initially paid to be there. It had never occurred to Joowon that Hyeok would eventually still choose to stay for him.)

The idea that someone worries about him is unknown to him, heartbreakingly so, which is why he couldn't interpret it that way.

And I think, if we keep this in mind when we reevaluate his actions again when we (inevitably) watch the show again, it'll go a long way in understanding Joowon a little more than just being the two-dimensional arrogant little prick that he was initially set up to be.

He is so, so much more than that.

[yuseirra]

Onk Chapter 159 review~

(a small comic for starters :) either way, Ai will still kick his butt)

yes, I had been spoiled; yes, and I actually like it, as much as it leaves at a cliffhanger and leaves you in confusion(why is this comic always like this) The way it ends is indeed, quite shocking, isn't it? But I think I understand where it's coming from.

I honestly won't have a clue on just what this story is going to be unless it's not going to be like what I write here; If that's so, then I'll just sit back and just.. let the story run along after this~ I'm pretty confident, for now though!!

The development in this current episode aligns with the interpretation I initially had back when I hopped onto the series, right after 153-154. It feels like I've been reset XD

It's pretty good, right? It's entertaining and well done. There is no need to fuss whether "Kamiki is evil!!" or "He's the final boss!", at least not right now, that'd be determined in the following eps. but for now, I think I have an idea of what it's trying to convey.

He DOES look super evil in that last panel (I keep staring at it for how ridiculous he looks)but let's look into the things that are being discussed for now-

Judging by the reaction he has, Kamiki never stopped loving Ai. The reaction in chapter 154 and the current one can coexist as emotional responses.

But it seems that after Ai died, Kamiki did a lot.

It actually matches really well with the interpretation I made after reading chapter 154 for the first time! I mean this comic I drew. I thought I might have went a bit overboard with it for awhile, for Kamiki's actions after that chapter felt milder than that, but now that 159 is out, it... seems pretty similar.

Sometimes, the first answer you pick on a test is the correct one, right? I laughed...perhaps I should trust my initial feelings about things more...they may tend to be the most accurate.

He has this, "I'm already beyond hope now, I can't be saved" vibe to him. And I saw this coming all along, I kept wondering just what is it that he'd have done. It's been pretty vague except for that case with Yura, right? (To be honest, the one death that bothers me a lot is Gorou's. Did Nino and Ryosuke kill him?? Why did Gorou die?? I really hope Kamiki wasn't involved with that case because that leads to really weird sorts of conclusions... killing the doc that helped deliver his own children;;; I hope it's just Ryosuke and Nino that's played a part there)

Judging by how he reacts to Aqua, he does have paternal love, and Kamiki’s attitude towards his children is consistently kind and gentle. His way of speech is...I've been sent the leaks in another language right..; I can tell. He speaks in a really.. kind and gentle way. Even in that last panel as well. He's so tender with his way of speaking when he talks towards his kids, so much like the lyrics of Mephisto (how the song is like as it ends) I feel like he is, or at least used to be, a sweet person. Talking to his fully grown son like that.

It seems like he genuinely wants to watch his daughter's performance. I feel Kamiki cherishes and cares for Aqua and Ruby. As for whether he would go so far as to harm the children to save Ai... I think the chances of that are low. Ai’s judgment seems correct, and if Kamiki had married Ai and lived with her, he would have been a kind and gentle father to their children.

At the same time, though, he thinks it's too late to save himself now. The attitude he has feels like self-mockery or despair. He's a bit out of vigor, in my opinion(aside from that last panel).

The key is figuring out what exactly the "lies" he told was.

Judging by Aqua's reaction, Kamiki’s involvement in Ai’s death should be minimal. If it weren’t, there should be some anger connected to the mention of Ai’s name as Aqua brought it up. For example, "Ai trusted you until the end, she wanted you to help you, but you made her die!" Because it's very natural, right? If Kamiki killed the very person who wanted to help him, it's natural to bring that up as you mention the "help".

But that’s not the case. Instead, Aqua's reaction is something like, "I’m supposed to help you, as Ai said, but you’ve been telling this 'ugly lie for your own sake' so I can’t."

I think that, to evoke this kind of response, Kamiki must have done a lot after Ai’s death, thinking he was doing it for her, but deep down, he knew it was a lie he told himself all along, and Aqua is calling him out on it.

It doesn’t seem like Kamiki killed someone with the thought that "no one can outshine Ai" (that would be really stupid;;), but rather, that he made sacrifices because he wanted to save Ai or bring her back to life. In that case, what Aqua is saying here translates to: "Hey, would Ai have wanted that? That was a crazy thing you did for your own sake and pleasure, thinking 'Ai would want to live' or 'Ai would want to reunite with the kids in any way possible.' You know that's NOT what she has ever wanted, but you lied to yourself convincing it would all be okay as long as it came true. That makes you an ugly liar."

If Kamiki did kill someone, Aqua really should report him to the police instead of meeting one-on-one. Report him, for crying out loud! Why doesn't he do that in 155 and why doesn't he try to do it now, either? He just walks up to him and starts a conversation. Didn't he figure things out with Akane earlier? Can't they just turn those pieces of evidence they found to the police if they have them?

So... that's why I’m not sure if what Kamiki did actually involved killing someone... Maybe Aqua didn’t report it or he can't because there wasn’t enough evidence? Yura is dead, that's a fact, but well, we know now for sure that Kamiki did not play a part in Ryosuke's death(who cares about him but yeah), and if he isn't the one who's killed Gorou (the one who did it is Ryosuke and Nino is his acquaintance so I think there's low chance?;) Maybe he didn't kill Yura either. He says it's his fault but at this point, I don't think he's the one that's responsible for Ai's death. There is a reason I'm saying this, stay with me for a while, okay? But he's still done something that Aqua deems as a "selfish lie".. I just don't know how severe this guy can get and what he's done but I guess he's done some terrible things...

Moving on, I don't think this character would hurt Ruby or Aqua or anyone else at this point. (Although... who knows; if he feels like he has nothing to lose, he might...) It seems like he intended to end his life to offer as the final tribute, and Aqua came to stop him. (Like, Aqua came to him to "save him" on Ai''s behalf. He didn't say he's come to "punish him" for his misdeeds... so I think it's safe to say Aqua's come to save his butt) It might tie into the supernatural elements that pop up occasionally, like when Kamiki mentioned the "gods" in chapter 147 or talked about no longer needing to offer "sacrifices." There were many intriguing and important things mentioned in that chapter.

It seems like Kamiki thinks he’s done wrong, but he can’t stop himself from continuing on the path he was, so he wants his children to kill him or get revenge on him.

Nino is truly crazy... It's unhealthy to be fixated like that on just one single person... I don’t want to think too deeply about it because it’s not something I want to empathize with. I don’t wish to feel any pity. If I were to analyze it deeply, I could, but this is the kind of dark human psyche I don’t want to delve into because it takes energy and I don't feel it's that worth it. It's already been displayed so well in this chapter, and it's creepy and perfect as it is so I don't think it needs further explanation, she's just as I pictured her to be and even.. damp and scarier in eerily realistic ways.

If I were Ai, I’d grab Nino by the collar and ask, "Nino-chan, Why are you doing this to me? Why are you like this? What did I ever do to deserve this?" what the heck...poor Ai. it's too much. She's scary.

Ryosuke is out of his mind, and what has Ichigo been doing all this time if he knew something?... Perhaps he needed solid evidence and wished to catch her when she took action? But...; I really wish Ichigo did better when Ai was still alive if he knew what was going about with Nino and Ryosuke and Ai......

So, was Kamiki the one who made Ryosuke and Nino "that way"...(as in, hopelessly insane about Ai)?

No, that's not how it's going to go.

Looking at his past, there’s no big reason or motive for Kamiki to have done something like that and I don't think he could have coerced them to feel that way about Ai, they brought it upon themselves; (Honestly, I'm curious, what’s the connection between him and Nino and Ryosuke? At this point, I feel like they did not have any particular connection before Ai's death, at this point)

Kamiki clearly recognizes that Ai is just a normal girl who has cruel and selfish sides (this is a strong difference from Nino and Ryosuke). I'm not sure when he formed that idea, but he is at least aware of that, as he's doing whatever he's been doing.

That means, if Kamiki decided to take some extreme actions "for Ai", it wouldn’t have been because of some superficial motive like wanting Ai to be perfect or the best idol(Ryosuke and Nino's actions fall here) . Instead, it would have stemmed from a more practical desire, like wanting Ai to come back or get closer to her. For Kamiki, Ai isn’t a fantasy; she’s real. She’s a person he loves. That’s why the song Mephisto and Fatal suits him. Kamiki doesn’t need Ai to be an invincible idol; he just wants the person he loves to be alive.

So, tying it into the theme of this manga, I come to the conclusion that:

It wasn’t a single person like Kamiki who made Ryosuke and Nino the way they are, but rather, the public’s expectations of Ai.

This connects to the story explored in the movie arc, where people expected Ai to be the invincible idol, leading her to lie and conceal her weak self completely.

If my interpretation is correct... this is where the story is heading.

From the start, there was no such thing as an evil mastermind or anything like that. What happened to Ai was always the result of a fan’s twisted desire for their idol to be flawless, and the public's expectation of idols reinforcing such a behavior.

In reality, it’s Ryousuke and Nino who are insane, but the culture or fervor that creates such crazy people isn’t entirely absent in this world. That seems to be the point being made.

I mentioned this in a previous post: (it's paraphrased and condensed)

"But more than that, I think the main focus of this work and the message it's trying to give is: "Even celebrities are just people in the end"... Ultimately, that's it."

This is... probably it.

If you look at it that way, Kamiki is someone who was separated from the person he loved due to such malice (if Ai and Kamiki weren’t celebrities, they would have stayed together after having the kids and lived happily... What made Kamiki’s life miserable, and brought Ai to believe it'd hurt him less if she broke up with him was the dark side of the entertainment industry. After all, the pain he went through in his entertainment career was too much, and even afterward, they couldn’t reunite despite their feelings for each other because Ai was too successful as an idol. I think that’s why they couldn’t be together). In that sense, Kamiki is almost like the biggest victim of the entertainment industry in the story because not only did he suffer from it all his life, he ultimately lost the very person he loved because of it. Ai was an idol, so there was social pressure and expectations that she shouldn’t have kids or a boyfriend. That’s why they couldn’t stay together...

Kamiki, having his life destroyed by the dark side of the entertainment industry, and upon he lost the one person he loved, Ai, ended up doing a lot of things in desperation to bring her back and see her again. That’s what's going on about in the songs Fatal and Mephisto.

We haven’t seen exactly what he's been doing in the story, but I think the songs fill that narrative. "The gathering of light"... "finding things to fill in what's missing"...

Kamiki just wants to see Ai again. He wants to see her, but he doesn’t think Ai would love him or want to meet him, so he wished for her to come back to life, and when that didn’t work, he tried to get closer to her himself.

His true feelings were that he loved Ai sincerely and only had eyes for her.

But if what he did involve needing someone else’s life to achieve that goal (and the songs do suggest that...), that’s terrifying. Lol

Ai wanted Kamiki to be saved... If there really is a sliver of chance of such things to be a possibility, what he's done should not be that extreme. Kamiki does seem to think he's beyond saving, though.

I made an analysis earlier that he may be lying to appear as evil as he can be to persuade Aqua into believing he should just die there, and that he isn't worth saving... this was before I saw the actual images, but that could be the case too. if he's really planning to give himself away as a sacrifice of some sort or die to bring Ai back/reach her, then I guess it'd make sense for him to appear as menacing and horrible as possible so that his boy wouldn't have to care about him. He IS a liar and he IS a genius actor. He wants to do something for Ai, and I think that still stands. He said he'd do it in 155 - if that means it takes his life to do so, he'd still, definitely go through with it.

We’ll probably find out what he did all along within the next 10 chapters. I also think that the manga now needs to address the stars and the gods;; The idea that Ai became a star was mentioned directly, and Tsukuyomi was also brought up. The stars were beautifully shining during the B-Komachi concert, right? It feels like Ai is giving her blessing. If my guesses about this series is correct, Kamiki should mention stuff along the lines of the supernatural when talking about his motives. I think Kamiki tried to bring Ai back to life. If he hadn’t had that hope, I feel he would have followed Ai long ago. He doesn’t seem particularly attached to his own life. That means there must have been something that gave him that sort of hope. The songs imply something like it. It's made Kamiki believe Ai could come back to life...

I wonder if Kamiki can be saved. The fact that Aqua even brought the idea of helping the guy may mean there still might be a chance. Otherwise, Aqua would just throw him in jail; there’d be no point in talking to him like this, even if it's Ai's wish. Impossible things are still impossible.

But it’s true that Kamiki really fell apart after Ai died. Whether he’s just a pitiful guy or a victim who became a perpetrator (the latter seems more likely...sadly), we’ll have to wait and see.

To be continued, I guess.

That character’s life was truly miserable, but if he ruined other people’s lives, then he should still be punished for that.

Still, In the end, it seems like everything will turn out as Ai wanted, so I’m looking forward to seeing how much Aqua can fulfill Ai’s wishes.

It was a good chapter! :)

Come to think of it, in my analysis of Ai (this was written wayy back in June, when ch 152 was fresh) , I wrote something like this:

Ai didn't want to get back together with her ex because she wanted to continue being an idol. She couldn't have a public relationship. But I think she wanted to show her kids to him because she gained a little bit of courage while raising them. That she could show her real self. When you look at a Ai, you can infer she has a lot welled up. They had always hidden themselves, and now they have "secrets" that are not just their own, living, that grow with time. She's always had vicious circle that led to self-hatred from all the lies she'd been creating, which led to anger and stress…and it was this close to being let out through the movie. Maybe that's why Aqua believes making movies is for her. It's to fulfill her desire to be freed from the lies.

This might have hit the mark. The reason it has to be a movie is because of this… if it was only Kamiki, he could have just been shown the video Ai left, but-

Aqua’s “revenge” has to be fulfilled through a movie because Ai’s situation was caused by the public’s perception of her.

If people had accepted the real Ai as a person, twisted individuals like Ryosuke wouldn’t have appeared, and Ai wouldn’t have had to lie to the person she so dearly wanted to love. If… If only Ai had survived, I think Kamiki could have reunited with her after the movie was released. Because people would have understood and accepted their circumstances. Ai would never have had to die because she had children - for being imperfect and human, as she is.

This is not a story about a psychopathic murderer getting back at his ex-girlfriend or just one crazy fan attacking their idol, it's tackling a much bigger theme than that.

So no, this isn't going to be about Kamiki being the crazy mastermind, quite the contrary. He's the one who's lost his beloved due to a societal belief that idols have to be perfect and flawless. He's the one who desperately wants to get her back after having lost her.

When I think about it, it’s really heartbreaking. Ai and Kamiki could have been happy, for sure. They really could have had it weren't it for this, I feel.

The public isn’t always so cold, so I think Ai might have wanted to take that risk…

++ Oh, wow… Aqua showed up wearing the exact outfit from the Mephisto video!

Then, if my thoughts are correct, the next chapter, or at least within a few chapters, should reveal more about the Fatal/Mephisto storyline in the series. Those songs aren’t Aqua’s, they’re Kamiki’s.

+++ Didn't mention but Kamiki looks even younger than Aqua in that last panel, he looks kinda adorable in a very freaky way. Ai didn't mention his looks for nothing.. he still has it over the age of thirty...

yeah, I'll believe in him for just a little longer. I really hope the next chapter continues where it left off and just TELL US what he's been up to for once. This chapter is 159 so I guess it'd be the last ep of a volume, Yeah, that'd definitely make people wish to buy the next copy

but I really want answers at this point, stop the taunts.

If Mephisto and Fatal ain't the story of this guy then tbh, nothing would make sense to me about this guy nor the story. Aside from the fact that it matches his characteristics and lores in a perfect sense, it's just a really strong hunch I get. The moment I first heard Fatal, I knew it had to be it. I can't explain how it happens but I just know what it's supposed to imply. So there!

Till next week!

[familyabolisher]

Apologies if you've answered this before, but I've been following you for a while and the way you approach literary analysis is so interesting, and your takes have made me reflect on and reconsider the way I approach a text and how to respond to it! So I wanted to ask: when you read other people's takes/analysis for a particular piece of media, how do you determine if it's good or not? And not in a way where you decide it's "good" in the sense that the person you're reading has uncovered the One True Interpretation you could get out of that piece of media, but in the sense where you feel like it was worth your time, and hit the spots that you're looking for in particular when it comes to media analysis.

I'm asking because I've taken to reading more media analysis and commentary online a lot more nowadays, and sometimes I'll read something I'm not quite satisfied with but can't exactly articulate why I feel that way. I never know if it's in the particular language used or in the length, or in the details, because frequently I find that at the end of my reading I don't even disagree with the take or its premise, which makes my dissatisfaction all the more confusing. So I do like hearing about how other people approach things to try and figure things out for myself, and I respect a lot of your positions, so. How do you do it?

Thank you! I feel like “good/bad” is a very broad framework to be using here; I wonder if it might be more helpful to come to conclusions about analytical work based on how useful you found it. There’s a lot of critical work that I consider to be completely useless to me, but that doesn’t necessarily make it ‘bad’ or even ‘wrong’; it’s just not doing what I want it to be doing. Some questions you might want to ask could include:

Is this elucidating? Does this explain what it purports to explain, does it answer the questions it wants to answer and/or pose new questions that weren’t immediately legible in the text? Has it developed an idea clearly? Has it given you some new angles from which you can think about the text? In short: did you get something from reading it?

Is the argument followed to its furthest possible conclusion? What I mean by this is like, media analysis is often a process of asking a lot of “why” questions: why is X like this? Why is this significant? Why X and not Y?—over and over until you run out of questions to ask. I think the big thing to watch out for here is whether or not a piece of analysis lays out its observations as though events, characterisation, relationships, etc., are phenomena emerging organically (as though it were “real life”) rather than being narrative choices made with intention (and some impetus towards figuring out what that intention is). Saying that X character is like Y is far less compelling than saying X character is like Y because Z when Z is an argument that extends beyond the boundaries of the narrative itself. Narratives are a series of deliberate choices; we want to know why those choices were made and whether we agree with them.

To give an example: let’s say we’re talking about the significance of Shiv’s pregnancy in the final episode of Succession. Following it through to its conclusion might look like this:

I start out by saying, “Tom being favoured over Kendall as CEO of Waystar is in part due to Shiv’s pregnancy reaffirming the Roy family bloodline, something that Roman establishes Kendall as being functionally incapable of doing.” The first question we should ask here is: why is reaffirming the bloodline significant?

From here we can say, well, we know it’s significant because Roman uses the word ‘bloodline’ to mark Tom/Shiv as favourable, and this tells us that there is a logic of eugenics running through Logan’s empire. This is good, but we’re still operating in wholly diegetic territory ie. the only terms we’re setting for our argument are those of describing conditions internal to the narrative. The next question we’re asking is: why are the Succession writers bringing this question of eugenics and bloodlines into play here?

From here, we can go in a bunch of different directions—for argument’s sake, we can think about Succession’s relationship to imperial/monarchic narratives of dynastic succession crises and how the show generates tension in part by transposing those narratives onto an American capitalist media empire in order to suggest that networks of capitalist hegemony and the means by which such a hegemony is sustained can be discursively linked back to such dynastic interplay. We might then point to eg. Caroline and the British aristocracy and this question of blood purity that Logan’s relationship with her + his discarding of Connor introduces; can we think about the British imperial aristocracy as a crutch on which American capitalism rests, or are we being asked to consider how these imperial superpowers are a) functionally interchangeable and b) mutually sustaining, or? We can look at the fact that Sophie Roy is brown and Iverson is implied to be autistic (and obviously the fact that neither is biologically related to Kendall and the suggestion that social ‘inferiority’ is therefore hereditary) to identify whose bloodline a practice of eugenics within hegemony seeks to retain and who it seeks to dispossess, and how this links back to the willingness on the part of the siblings to collude with (or even openly support) a fascist when it becomes in their best interest to do so. We can ask questions about reproduction of the bloodline as a means of reaping the rewards of hegemony (Shiv) or punishment within the borders of said hegemony for impotence and sexual deviance (Kendall and Roman). All of these lead us from arguments about the internal conditions of the Roy family towards conditions of the ruling class articulated through the family structure. All of this is compelling, but it begs the question of: why are we able to extrapolate all of these conclusions from the narrative configuration of the Roy family? Where in the text is it evinced that this kind of metonymic reading is coherent?

Finally, we link this back to Succession by understanding the Roy family as effectively metonymic for the ruling class as a united body (and why it’s effective for a family unit to take on such a metonymic role! What does this tell us about the relationship between the cluster of kinship relations we call the “family” and hegemony?) as is pretty transparently evinced throughout the show, and which is what gives meaning to this series of observations and allows us to extract an argument towards thematic significance out of what was initially just a set of observations about what was ‘happening’ on-screen.

I hope this is a clear example—I just went with it because most people on this website are at least passably fluent in Succession by now, lmao. The point is, you keep asking questions until you’ve followed the throughline through as far as it can be followed. In evaluating a piece of critical writing, you always want to be asking: why is this there? Why is this important? A weaker piece of critical writing will often avoid or else seem not to consider these sorts of questions. As a general rule of thumb, the more a work of critical writing seems to take for granted, the weaker it tends to be.

How well does the argument match the expectations you might have? Is this line of interrogation something that you’ve considered before, and what conclusions did you draw? Does the argument fall in line with your conclusions; does it challenge or develop them by introducing something you hadn’t considered, or do you think that your understanding identified something that the argument missed? If you were asked the question that the piece purports to respond to, how would you respond?

What are the blind spots of the argument? This is similar to the above, but is specifically concerned with asking what the piece might have missed or what assumptions might be limiting its scope. This means looking for the assumptions upon which the argument rests and trying to unpack and challenge them in order to understand how they took the form that they did. An example of this might be the kind of “female rage”/“teenage girl ferality” arguments you often see circling about Yellowjackets: what narrative does this idea of girls’ youthful ‘rage’ implicitly exonerated from harm contribute to? What do we do when we reify the idea of ‘teenage girlhood’ as a unique, impenetrable state that affords those who ‘experience’ it a uniquely elevated condition, or when we flatten these characters into the apparently equalised category of ‘teenage girl’? How do these arguments elide questions of race in Yellowjackets as regarding eg. Lottie or Taissa, and how can we follow them through to think about blind spots not only in the argument but in the show itself? No argument can feasibly encompass every possible nuance and perspective that one could bring to a text, obviously, but a stronger piece of critical writing will try to get into these underlying assumptions with depth and thoughtfulness and try to put some work into showing why they came to the conclusions that they came to; again, it’s about what gets taken for granted, what the writer presumes can go unspoken, and whether we ought to drag it to the surface and take a better look at it.

How well is the argument substantiated? Here I would expect reference to the source material—how well are these references selected? Are they consistent? Is there some cherry-picking happening—can you think of a point in the text where the claims being made might be challenged or contradicted? Does the argument impose stasis or unilaterialism onto something that in the text is in fact depicted as dynamic or otherwise in development? How well does this hold up with your interpretation of these moments—can you interpret them differently? What do you make of that ambiguity?

Can you place a value judgement on the argument made? In other words: do you agree? This is basically just about synthesising your responses to all the other questions and evaluating how on the mark you think the argument is; how you would respond to it, how you might develop it, how it might have developed your understanding of the work or else can be applied to other parts of the text (or indeed, other texts).

Ultimately I think the best thing you can do here is develop your own positions on texts to the best of your ability—I find that writing my arguments out helps me to get to grips with them better—and engaging with analytical work relative to that, ie. going in with your own solid sense of understanding from which your response can be crafted; I have an older post here on some of the questions you can start asking when you’re looking to do so. Obviously this means keeping an open mind towards arguments that contradict your own or that you may not have thought of before, but knowing what you think and why you think it will make it a lot easier to notice what might be missing or contradictory in someone else’s work (or, again, what you yourself might have missed). Critical work is (imo) best thought of as a dialogue rather than a straightforward imparting of knowledge; how someone else’s analysis informs your own, and how yours informs theirs, without flattening this dynamic into a deference of superior authority on either end, is the clearest and most productive way to think about it all.

I hope this is helpful!

[cleabellanov]

Jet-Skiing through identity: A deep dive into Mobius M. Mobius (part 4)🛥️

"And I'm yours but you're not mine" (Say Don't Go)

That's Mobius in season 1, because from all we know, he was the one to fall first. A fall that, just like domino pieces, results in a beautiful union of...well, everything.

But now, in season 2, his love is finally reciprocated. He showed Loki something they hadn't seen in themselves. And not only he loved them, but proved to Loki why they're deserving of that love as well. And now that he is finally appreciated and seen by the last person he was expecting, he also gets the insight he never knew he was looking for. This is like always running from something right into the chasm, until someone takes your hand and makes you stop. Even if it means facing your fears.

Open first episode of season 2, when the entire Loki legion was on the verge of a heart attack waiting to see what will happen. (That's actually me, I think I'm not alone). Those were crazy times indeed. Now, to our Mobius: a relative present version of him, not the one that didn't recognize Loki. That was scary. His first line is:

<<Hey, everything you've been doing is wrong, and all your gods are dead. How are people gonna take that?>>

I interpret this as his own thoughts and feelings projected on the collective. It's true for them, but it's relatable to Mobius.

And after all, why would everyone at the TVA believe all this time? The same reason as why we do it: we want to: that's where it all starts. And for someone like Mobius, who didn't believe in himself, it was much more logical to believe in the time gods. Putting the blame on fate takes the burden off your shoulders. But no burden, no glory. Few of them had guts to admit. But even indirectly, Mobius did (and has been for a while).

Backing the argument that he cares about Loki, and that he fell first, his reaction to hearing his name from Casey is immaculate.

He immediately tries to figure out a way to locate him. He might take a more "slow, deliberate approach", but not when he knows people he cares about are in danger. Not when he can still help.

Then, to X-5's attempt to make him feel bad about his spot on the original timeline, he responds with a neutral approach, not letting such things get to him. He even goes to explaining why jet-skis are so cool. This is something that shows how passionate Mobius can be about the things he likes. I don't think he would do this if he wouldn't be provoked in some sort of way, because the total absence of interest from others can kill a spark pretty quick. But he doesn't let it go just because no one around him sees jet-skis as important as he does. I love him for it.

His pure care for Loki and the way he comforts them the best he can is also very important in this episode. Mobius does his best to calm Loki down, trying to see the situation from an outside point of view so it can be solved efficiently. He's there, he doesn't let Loki down, and we know he would never; "Okay, you wanted time to think, so let's think." - as in let's think together, you're not alone.

Also, when Loki rushes to find Sylvie so they can fix what is happening, Mobius slows him down. He knows Loki wouldn't take the time to take care of themselves, so he does it for him, knowing exactly how much to insist, and that the timeslipping can't be let out if control for a long while.

Another trait resulting from the episode is sort of a disapproval avoidance, from the convo with O.B. Mobius obviously had his memory wiped and doesn't remember him, but doesn't admit it: it could hurt this nice guy and make him look like a fool (it wouldn't, really. he didn't have to worry abt it).

Then, at the end of the episode, this care (LOVE!!!) he carries for Loki is once again is highlighted:

Because, even at the risk of losing his skin (and, jokes aside, losing his life), Mobius still waits over the limit for Loki to make it back. What was I saying about believing? Even if the gods of the TVA are dead, the God of Mischief isn't. And Mobius always believed in him.

[hotdaemondtargaryen]

GAYLE RANKIN PHOTOGRAPHED BY ANDREW ARTHUR AND INTERVIEWED FOR ELLE USA MAGAZINE.

“I was really nervous and, in the best way, really intimidated because after watching the first season of the show”

I was like, ‘Oh, wow. These are serious actors.’

“It’s just a massive ensemble with Liv [Olivia Cooke] and Emma [D’Arcy] at the center, which is just really so exciting to me,” Rankin adds.

But the nerves “dissipated very quickly” during rehearsals and table reads as she got to know her new colleagues, including her frequent scene partner Matt Smith and his dog, Bobby, who he’d sometimes bring to set.

“Then I fell in love with all the actors,” Rankin says.

Cooke, D’Arcy, Phia Saban, Bethany Antonia, Phoebe Campbell, and Sonoya Mizuno are just a few names she calls out.

“We all became a little bit of a gang and would go out and go dancing....We had a good time.”

Some of them have even come out to watch Cabaret at the Kit Kat Club on Broadway, in which Rankin currently stars as Sally Bowles.

IT MUST BE SO INTERESTING INHABITING A CHARACTER LIKE ALYS, WHO IS VERY SPARSELY FEATURED IN THE BOOK, FIRE & BLOOD — AT LEAST IN THE PARTS COVERED IN THE SHOW SO FAR. WHAT IS IT LIKE AS AN ACTOR TO BUILD A CHARACTER BASED OFF OF LIMITED INFORMATION?

“It’s really fun and a little intimidating because the fandom around these books and this enterprise is so strong and that’s so amazing, but you want to build something that people can relate to and enjoy hand in hand with the book.”

“Because the truth is that you’re absolutely right, there’s hearsay and there’s barely mention of her sometimes.”

“She’s a presence and she becomes this presence that grows and builds throughout the book.”

“Then by the end of the book, she has quite a powerful position in the world and in the story.”

“It’s been interesting to build backwards too.”

To be like, “Okay, so if we were to ever end up here, what would get this place from A to B?”

“It’s been so fun, and there’s so much more to go.”

“There’s so much to build.”

HOW DID YOU INTERPRET OR ATTEMPT TO DEFINE HER POWERS? IS IT MAGIC? IS IT PSYCHIC?

“I like to think of her powers as quite elusive, because that’s probably what they are to her too.”

“As much as she’s aware of what they are, I think they change.”

“She’s powerful in many different ways.”

“I think that she has tactile power; we see her in episode four building some drink for Daemon, which she also tastes herself, which is really interesting.”

“I think she is actually a healer.”

“I think she works as a woods witch, which I would understand as more of a healer and a maester.”

“It’s interesting how we look at what powers are.”

“It’s like, Well, medicine is power.”

“Surgeons have powers.”

“But I also think that she is prophetic.”

“I really believe that, and that’s been talked about a lot.”

“I think there is truth to that, but what I think is a bit of a mystery both to the audience, hopefully, and to her, is how? Where? When? Why? How much of the world can she see?”

I THINK ALYS AND DAEMON'S DYNAMIC IS REALLY INTERESTING. SHE SEEMS FASCINATED BY HIM, BUT ALSO HAS HIM WRAPPED AROUND HER FINGER. SHE CAN PLAY AROUND WITH HIS EMOTIONS. WHAT DO YOU THINK SHE WANTS FROM HIM? WHAT DOES SHE FIND INTERESTING ABOUT HIM? WHY DOES SHE WANT TO HELP HIM TOO?

It’s so funny when you were describing her, I was like, “Oh, yeah. The qualities that any good woman should have.”

EXACTLY. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH HER.

“No, no, no, no. I know.”

I was just like, “Wow, she sounds great.”

“Why does she want to help him? What we discovered really early on is that there’s something inside of this dynamic in this relationship...there’s something for Alys in it.”

“It’s not just one-sided, I think.”

“We had to really figure that out, because if you are someone who’s prophetic and who knows [the future], why bother?”

“Why take on this man, who is extremely powerful and dangerous and volatile and also extraordinary?”

“I think [with] Alys, it’s almost as if she’s like a 12th-wave feminist or something.”

“She is able to look at the masculine and embrace it in a complex and hopefully forward-moving way.”

“A way to get to “the other” and reach them.”

“I think that’s really cool whilst also getting something for herself too.”

“I think she’s really interested in that.”

“She’s interested in progress, I think, for herself, for the realm...”

“Can you imagine if we could see the future, and what would you do with that information? I don’t know if she’s trying to change it, and that’s really up to the audience.”

“I’ve made decisions inside of my work, but I think why she wants to help him is that she also sees parts of herself in him.”

“A loneliness. A stubbornness. A lostness.”

“I don’t know what to do with my power.”

“I don’t know what to do with my feelings.”

“There’s a kinship there, which I think is really shocking and surprising.”

SO, HER INVOLVEMENT WITH GROVER TULLY'S PASSING IN EPISODE 6: DO WE THINK SHE'S MAYBE ALSO TRYING TO DO SOMETHING FOR HERSELF THERE? LIKE, “I HELPED YOU. WILL YOU HELP ME?”

That just goes to the age-old question, “Is there a selfless act?”

Psychologists would probably say, “No, there’s not.”

“What is in it for Alys? I think it’s going to be interesting to see how that plays out.”

“I think that’s what we’ve been trying to build is, what’s in it for this person?”

IT'S INTERESTING TO SEE HOW REACTIONS ONLINE CAN RANGE FROM THAT TO THE OVERWHELMING SUPPORT FOR 'HOUSE OF THE DRAGON.' BEFORE YOUR FIRST EPISODE, I SAW TWEETS THAT WERE LIKE, “IT'S ALYS RIVERS NIGHT!” AND PEOPLE WERE SO EXCITED FOR YOU TO APPEAR.

“It’s like, [gestures her hand up and down like a wave].”

TOTALLY UP AND DOWN.

“It’s been an extreme time.”

“It’s been really extreme.”

“I’ve been so lucky to have amazing people around me and also Jenny Tversky [Rankin’s publicist] being at the absolute helm of that to remind me what this is about.”

“I have to really be real.”

“I was worried that it was going to really negatively affect me, but actually, I’m so happy—the happiest I’ve ever been.”

“I feel stronger, truly, than I ever, ever have been.”

“It’s been hard-won, but a little bit through the fire in some ways over this period of time.”

[hugmekenobi]

S2: The Bad Batch (7)

Chapter Seven: Back to the Past

Gif by @jenstar1992-2

Hunter x femaleJedi!reader

Series Summary: Some time has passed since everything that happened at Kamino and you and the Batch are trying to figure out your place in the rapidly changing Imperial galaxy. And you're having to do all this whilst figuring out where your relationship with Hunter fits into it.

Chapter Summary: Going on a mission with Phee sees you travel back to a time you had been wanting to forget and of course, trouble manages to find you.

Masterlist for S1

<Previous Chapter

Genre: Friends (idiots) to Lovers (we're in the lovers stage now)

Chapter Warnings: Canon-typical violence, swearing, my interpretation of how Nal Hutta is, brief moment of anxiety, reader having a dodgy past and being a bit shady/reckless (cause apparently I need to include flaws lol), beatings, injury descriptions (mentions of blood, stabbing, bruises, death), protective Hunter is a bit mean to Phee, hurt/comfort, fluff and feelings, light angst

Word Count: 7.3K

Author's notes: Tried to get the best of both worlds with the off show plot for this chapter so hope you enjoy! Excited to get to work on episode 8 now and thanks for all the support and patience!

“Hello, hello!”

You turned in the direction of the chipper voice and saw Phee waltz through the door.

“Phee!” Omega called out happily.

“Hey, kid!” She said with a wave before she made a beeline for you and Hunter. “How’s my favourite couple doing?”

“What do you want?” Hunter asked by way of answer.

“Straight to the point. That’s what I like about you, Bandana.” Phee charmed.

“What is it, Phee?” You asked again.

“I got word of a lead on-”

“Some sorta valuable, ancient artifact?” You and Hunter sussed.

Phee nodded. “I need some assistance following up. Was wondering if I could borrow you and Omega?”

“Yes!” Omega replied instantly but a sharp glance from Hunter told her she better hold off until she had official confirmation.

Your brow furrowed. “Why just us the two of us?”

“Typically, we do missions together.” Tech pointed out from the table you.

“Don’t worry, brown eyes. You’ll get your turn at some point.” She said.

Tech didn’t know how to respond to that, so he just focused his attention back to his datapad. He missed the smirks from his two brothers sitting across from him.

Phee now answered your question. “Figured it would be good for the kid to keep seeing new places and it’s a simple mission so little risk. And we made some progress back on Kaldar, let’s not lose that.” She left out that she wanted the time to also figure you and certain behaviours of yours out. There was something more to you that you that she needed to uncover.

“Okay.” You said hesitantly, still not fully satisfied with that answer but you sensed you weren’t going to get anything more.

Phee turned her attention back to the two of you. “What do ya say? I promise not to let either of your girls be hurt or led astray.” She told Hunter as a means to sweeten the deal.

Hunter focused his gaze on you. “If you want to go, you can go. I also have a feeling she won’t let you stay.”

Phee feigned a look of surprise.

You shrugged. “Gets me outta here for a little bit, I guess.”

“That’s the spirit.” Phee said with a roll of her eyes.

“And me? Please, Hunter?” Omega begged.

I’ll be an extra set of eyes, she’ll be alright.

Hunter sighed. He wasn’t thrilled by this by any means, but he had promised himself to give Phee a chance and you were going with them so that helped things a little. He nodded his permission.

Phee carefully observed you and Hunter. The two of you did it again. That secret, slightly above normal silent communication that seemed to go through you both with perfect understanding.

“Yes!” Omega whooped in victory before she gathered her stuff and darted towards the door.

“Where exactly are we going?” You queried.

“Nal Hutta.” Phee replied.

That made you pause but you covered it quickly. You heaved a sigh and pushed yourself up from your chair.

“Show some enthusiasm! This is going to be fun!” Phee said with a smile before she started to follow Omega out.

You made sure your armour and weapons were secure before you faced Hunter. You gave him a chaste kiss to the lips before his arms enveloped you in a hug.

“Be careful, yeah?” Hunter said as he released you.

“Hey, it’s me.” You said with an innocent grin.

“I know. That’s why I’m asking.” Hunter said, his tone light but the intent behind the words serious.

“I’ll be fine.” You said before you waved to the others and jogged to catch up with the other two.

--

“Nal Hutta, huh?” You repeated as you walked in the direction of her ship.

Phee cocked her head at you as she heard the slightly nervous way you spoke. “Yeah, not too rough for you, is it?”

You shot her a look. “No. There’s just… some people I’d rather not run into.”

“It’s a big place, the odds of that happening are low.”

“Tech gives much better estimations than you do.”

“Yeah, but I’m sure his sway on the more pessimistic side of things. That’s one thing you gotta learn about me, (Y/N), I like to look on the bright side.” She thumped your back. “Now, come on! We got a lead to hunt down.” She jogged to catch up with Omega.

 You were yet to be convinced by that philosophy. But you’d allow her this opportunity. After all, it had been quite a few years since you’d been there. The odds had to be low… right?

--

Nal Hutta

“You know this place is not going to be glamorous.” You warned Omega as the ship touched down.

“How long did you live here for?” Omega asked. She’d seen the anxious look on your face the whole time the ship had been en-route and she knew that if she asked about it, you wouldn’t lie to her.

“A few months. It wasn’t my scene.” You replied briefly as you pushed up your hood and mask up as high as they could go just as the door opened.

--

It had not changed. The green and yellow tinge to the environment around you was just as off putting as it had been when you first smuggled yourself here.

It was hot.

It was humid.

You already felt a layer of filth settling on your exposed skin.

And the swamp rain had already started and the stench from said swamps made your nose wrinkle under your mask. You had forgotten how bad it was. You chuckled as you glanced down at Omega to see her hand over her nose. “Told ya. Just let it hit you for a few minutes and then it’ll be fine.”

Omega reluctantly lowered her hand.

“Where’s this lead, Phee?” You asked, adjusting your weapons.

“We won’t need those.” Phee said confidently. “My source is in the local watering hole.” She pointed over to the only bar in the area.

Of course, they are. You thought irritably to yourself. You almost wished your travels for this source would see you go into the swamplands because at least out there, the likelihood of running into someone who might recognise you would be minimal. Going to this bar significantly increased the risks for you.

--

“Did you come here?” Omega asked as the three of you headed towards the run-down bar.

You kept your sight low as the people you passed on the way over gave you all the once over. “Uh yeah, was a regular back in the day.”

“Really, here?” Phee said with surprise.

“It was a different time.” You said by way of justification.

“What brought you here in the first place?” Phee asked.

Omega glanced up at you, curious about the answer herself.

“Just had to get away.” You said airily.

“From what?” Phee pressed. “And what exactly did you do here anyway?”

The already thick air started to feel like it was settling in the back of your throat. You didn’t like that Phee kept pushing it. “It’s not really any of your business, okay?” You snapped.

Phee raised her hands and backed off. “Damn, okay. You can have your secrets.”

You took a breath. “I’m sorry I snapped. It’s just a period I don’t like to remember, that’s all.”

The rest of the walk was done in silence and when you came upon the rundown wooden door, you were filled with sudden flashbacks of meetings and drunken brawls you were set with the task of ending. You shook the memories away as you opened the door.

--

A low thrumming from a music box in the corner echoed over the voices and sounds of glasses clinking.  You smiled fondly to yourself as Omega looked around in wonder and took in the various people and species that occupied the room. Bounty hunters, gangsters, people scraping by and more- Nal Hutta was the sorta place that attracted the people on the lower half of the scale.

Phee pointed to the bartender. “This shouldn’t take long. Take in the sights. I’ll be done soon.”

You nodded and led Omega over to one of the many dark corners of the cantina and kept a watchful eye over Phee as she talked to the bartender.

--

You were getting twitchy now. It looked like Phee was struggling with the bartender and each passing minute of their struggle was making your heartbeat that little bit faster. 

“(Y/N)? Is that you?”

You brushed off the hand on your arm that was starting to face you. “Uh no. Sorry, you got the wrong person.” You grabbed Omega’s hand and started to move away but couldn’t stop him as he darted in front of you.

You stopped short and kept your eyes to the ground. “Sir, I’m just trying to get past.”

“Our friend is over there, and we need to join her.” Omega added, doing her best to help you.

The man swore your voice was familiar. He stooped and finally caught a glimpse of your eyes as you tried to avoid his. “It is you!”

“You have the wrong person.” You insisted before you started pushed past him.

“I don’t think so.” He acted quickly and went to pull your coverings down.

You shoved him away, but he managed to hook a finger in your mask, and it fell.

“Well, I’ll be damned, we thought you were all dead. I know someone will be pretty pleased to hear you’re not. She was really pissed off, you know.”

Fuck fuck fuck. You thought repeatedly. You ignored and shouldered past him. You were out of time; word would travel fast now.

Omega followed your hurried footsteps. “(Y/N), what’s going on?”  

“I’ll explain later, Omega. We need to leave.” You replied hastily. There had been no point in pulling your mask back up, so Phee got a good look at the nervousness lingering behind your eyes as you approached her.

“Hey, you okay?” She asked.

“Do you have it?” You said instead. “We need to go. Now.”

“Well, we can’t yet. Someone is changing the terms of the deal.” Phee griped, crossing her arms in frustration.

“You want more money?” You guessed as you talked to the barkeeper.

He shrugged. “Information ain’t cheap.”

“The amount we agreed was-”

“Give her the data.” You interrupted Phee and kept your attention on him.

Phee and Omega observed you. Your manner had completely changed. You were distant and cold as you dealt with him.

The bartender guffawed and rested his arm on the bar counter. “Cute negotiation tactic but no. My price has gone up.”

You lazily rolled your eyes and within the blink of an eye, your vibroblade was pinning the lose fabric of his shirt to the wooden counter and you held his head on the counter, so he had little choice but to angle his eyes up at you.

A shocked Phee and Omega took half a step back.

“Here’s how this is going to go.” You whispered in his ear, your voice firm and intimidating. “You’re going to give her whatever it was you promised, for the original price, and you’ll get to keep your hand attached to your body. Okay?” You hoped the threat was enough, you weren’t wanting to descend back into the way you had acted here in previous times.

“No.” He grunted.

He was stubborn, you gave him that, so you tried another method. Riskier but was a way for everyone to leave unharmed. You channelled the Force and directed it towards his mind. “You will give her the information.”

“I will…” He trailed off and shook his head. “No. I won’t.”

You pushed harder and went again. “You will give her the information.”

“I will give…”

Omega deduced that his reaction was due to you using your Jedi abilities and she knew you wouldn’t be using them unless it was truly necessary, but she worried for you as she glanced at Phee. The woman was looking at you with a keen sense of interest.

 You weren’t wanting to do this for a third time so you waited as you could sense his resistance was fading.

“I will give you the information.” He said finally, his voice hazy before he reached down and put the data card on the counter.

Phee picked it up and glanced between you and the barman. What the hell had she just watched?

“Pay him and let’s go.” You said emotionlessly as you sheathed your blade in your vambrace and turned to leave.

--

“You wanna tell me what that was?” Phee demanded as the three of you hustled out the cantina.

“What was what?” You deflected, avoiding her stare and nudging Omega in front of you.

“Nuh uh.” Phee grabbed the top of your arm. “You can’t just insist we leave, get the information from a man who was adamant about not revealing it, and then run out without saying how you did it and why we suddenly need to go.”

“Phee, you got the information you wanted. I don’t see what the big deal is. We need go.” You implored as you turned around to face her.

Any protest Phee was going to offer died on her lips as she caught sight of the crowd of people approaching.

“But we haven’t had the group reunion yet.” A sing song voice laced with venom called over to you.

You closed your eyes in despair and slowly turned on your heels to face the crew you had really wanted to avoid. The two Gamorreans were new but the two Trandoshans, three Twileks were from your time. Your eyes however focused in on the leader. She looked the same as she had when you’d left. Slim odds my ass. You thought to yourself. You stepped forward slightly, so Omega and Phee were more behind you.

--

“Hello, Vaya.” You said coolly.

“It’s been a long time, Two Knife.”

“I meant to come visit.” You lied, no warmth behind your words.

“Two Knife?” Omega repeated as she looked to you, but you didn’t turn to meet her eyes.

You cringed as you heard your old nickname leave the young girl’s mouth.

“For the two vibroblades she used when she was part of us. No blasters, only ever those knifes. I think she liked killing up close and personal.” Vaya taunted cruelly. “Though it looks like you traded one of them in. What happened? Grow a conscience in your time away?”

“Shut the fuck up.” You snarled.

Vaya sneered. “Oh, what’s the matter, (Y/N)? You didn’t tell your new…” She looked to your companions and gave a mocking laugh as she saw the child. “ ‘crew’ about your old friends?”

“Take it these were the people you were hoping to avoid?” Phee worked out as she saw the icy stares the two of you were giving each other.

“Friends is a generous term.” You said but you didn’t want her to keep talking. You didn’t want Omega knowing exactly what you had been a part of here. At least not from her. It had all been an act built from repressed anger, disappointment, and misery, but you were ashamed of what you’d become in your time here.

Vaya pretended to look wounded. “After all we achieved in this shithole. You want to forget it so eagerly? Then again, that would make sense. You stole from us and ran pretty quickly.”

“Yeah, well, finding out you were giving a cut of what we stole to the Separatists during the war wasn’t what I signed up for.”

“So, I take it you haven’t come to pay it back?” Vaya said with a glare.

You couldn’t help the laugh that left your mouth. “Nope. I am dead broke and, as hard as it might be for you to believe, I did not come here for you.”

Vaya’s lip curled into a nasty grin. “Then it’s just my lucky day.” With that, she clicked her fingers and her subordinates straightened up and cracked various bones in their body.  

Omega, you, and Phee get back to the ship. I’ll meet you there.

“No, we’re not leaving you.” Omega hissed as she kept her bow activated.

Phee glanced down and the young girl and then to you. There it was again. That level of communication that was something more than just good team chemistry. She was sure you hadn’t spoken yet Omega seemed to know exactly what you had said. Plus, there was still that incident in the bar that she needed to follow up on. What were you?

You didn’t take your eyes of the group in front of you. Trust me. Please. “All this because of a little money I stole from you years ago? Can’t we just let bygones be bygones and no one gets hurt?” You reasoned with Vaya whilst Omega tugged on Phee’s arm and turned to go in the direction of the ship.

“You know our law here.” Was Vaya’s steely reply.

Yeah, you did, and it had been why you’d avoided this place like the plague after you’d left. Money was all anyone here cared about and they didn’t care who they hurt to get it. And… you’d been a key part in that for a while.

Phee hesitantly moved backwards. “(Y/N), you sure-”

“Get outta here.” You ordered firmly.

Phee didn’t like it, but you seemed determined and the last thing she wanted was Omega getting caught in any crossfire. She left you behind and ran back to the ship with Omega.

“After them.” Vaya signalled to the two Gamorreans.

Two quick stun shots from your blaster halted any movements from the two as they dropped to the ground. “You deal with me, or the next round leaves a more permanent outcome.” You said with a hard stare.

Vaya merely shrugged. “Fine by me. So long as the result is you dead in the ground.”

“Still got that lovely street demeanour.” You mumbled. “Same rules I take it?” You asked, already unholstering your blaster and tossing your vibroblade a safe distance away.

“It’s like you’ve never been away.” Vaya jeered before she took a step back and allowed her crew to advance towards you.

--

“Fucking hell.” You wheezed as you shoved the dead Trandoshan off your chest. His body flopped to the ground with his neck sticking out at an awkward angle. You didn’t want to kill him but when you found yourself on your back with his clawed hands squeezing your throat, you were left with little choice.

You hunched on all fours as you worked your way up to stand but you didn’t get very far. A hard kick was sent to your ribs, followed swiftly by one to your stomach. You rolled across the ground and retched before you were allowed to get to your feet. You swayed and pointlessly wiped away the blood running from your nose as you faced the two twileks and the lone trandoshan. One companion dead, the other unconscious on the ground.

As the two twileks stalked towards you, you called on the Force to give you that extra bit of strength you found yourself needing. “Four down, four to go.” You said to yourself before you raised your arms and let them come to you.

The two twilelks- one red skinned, one blue- started their attack first. They came at you from either side. You remembered these two and from what you recalled, they weren’t the brightest of the bunch and you only hoped that would remain true. As the red one made to strike you, but you ducked and instead his fist crunched into the nose of the second one who yelped in pain.

You kicked the red twilek in the groin which sent him crumbling to the ground and whipped round to face his friend. He was still nursing his hurt nose, so you easily dodged the aimless and distracted swing of his arm. One well-placed and strong hit of your elbow to his temple followed by a harsh punch to the underside of his jaw had him collapsing to the ground but it was after this you got yourself into a bit of trouble. You were sluggish and didn’t turn around quickly enough to stop the second twilek from grabbing the back of your neck.

The remaining red-skinned twilek hit the back of your knee and kept doing so when you didn’t immediately go down. Once you finally succumbed, he pinned your arms behind your back and the trandoshan got to work on punching your face.

It was a struggle to stay conscious as the assault continued and so you acted swiftly. When the next hit came, you tipped to the side and the punch wound up in the gut of your captor you let your hands go on instinct as he doubled over.

You forced yourself to stand up quickly and you faced your two foes once more. All of you were breathing heavily.

“Any chance you guys want to call it a day?” You tried, your jaw aching with the effort and the metallic taste of blood was filling your mouth and the back of your throat. You spat it out.

The answering growl and ‘fuck you’ gave you your answer.

“Alrighty then.” You sighed. Your best bet here was to use their weaknesses against them. Both were eager to be the one to deliver the final hit and that meant they were unfocused. You ducked, weaved, and parried their strikes for now. It was almost like you were dancing in a pattern to get them closer to each other whilst they were aiming for you.

One misplaced kick from the twilek combined with a perfectly timed dodge from you meant that the trandoshan got clipped in the thigh which caused his step to fumble as he got ready to set himself once more and that was your moment. You dashed round the back of the twilek and twisted his arm behind his back and used him as a shield when the trandoshan barley looked up and threw a powerful punch but rather than you sinking to the ground, it was his teammate.

You tutted and shook your head as you released the unconscious body. “Didn’t anybody teach you that you’re not supposed to punch out your own gang member?”

“I forgot how much shit came out of your mouth.” The trandoshan hissed.

You shrugged. “Keeps things entertaining.” With that you and the trandoshan went at it once more.

--

The two of you had been going at it for much longer that you would’ve liked.

You were able to punch his cheekbone but, at the same time, he sent a strong kick to the centre of your chest sent you sprawling on your back. You released a winded cough and as he stepped towards you, you swept your leg out and took his out from under him. He fell to the ground, and you took your chance. You groaned with the effort it took for you to climb across his chest, but you managed it. His fist skimmed across your jaw since you moved it away in the nick of time, so the resulting impact of the punch was lost. You lifted his head and smacked the back of it off the ground a few times before he too was left unconscious. You moved off him when you were sure he wasn’t going to come back around.

--

You were only allowed a moment of respite since you still had one more person to deal with. You braced a hand on your knee and heaved a few deep breaths. You spat some more blood out your mouth, stood and beckoned Vaya to come towards you.

Vaya snarled and ran at you, knife in hand.

You dodged the quick jabs of her knife, but you were sore and exhausted, your movements had grown slower. You didn’t quite manage to avoid the next swift, well-placed stab of her knife. It sliced through your side. You swallowed your shout of agony and stumbled backwards. You ignored the pain and sensation of warm blood dripping down your body. It would give Vaya too much power if she saw how badly she’d wounded you.

Vaya smirked. She hadn’t missed the way your face had contorted as she made contact with you. She studied her blade which was now dotted with your blood. “You’re getting sloppy.”

“You always were a cheat.” You said through laboured breaths.

“Give up now, and I promise I’ll make the rest of it quick.”

“Nah, this was all to give you a fair shot.” You taunted.

Vaya snarled and stalked towards you once more.

You studied her and when you saw the glance she sent towards your shoulder, and you grabbed her wrist and bent it back, so she was forced to drop the knife.

You caught the movement of her other fist that was aiming for your mouth. You blocked it and managed a punch of your own that met her cheekbone. You then landed a kick to her stomach which sent her reeling back.

She was pissed and, unlike you, had all her energy. You knew the longer this went on, the less likely it was that you would be the one walking away. You needed to get under her skin and make her lose focus, so you smirked as you saw the welt that was already swelling beneath her skin. “Knife strike followed by a punch to the mouth. It’s still the same but then again, you never were all that creative.”

Vaya cried out in frustration and charged towards you.

You knew what she was going to do. You let her tackle your waist and ignored the wave of agony it sent through your body as she repeatedly hit your open wound. You pushed the black spots encroaching on your vision away and kept your feet. You kneed her in the ribs which caused her to loosen her grip for a moment. You did it again and again until she let go and regrouped.

Vaya saw the weary and pained expression behind your eyes. Your heart wasn’t in this, and she could use that. She caught her breath back and ran at you again.

This time though, you couldn’t fight the pain it caused you and you weren’t able to stay standing. The two of you crashed to the ground. You felt her reaching out to the side and when you turned your head, you saw why- her knife was within her grasp. You made the rather unwise decision to headbutt her, an act that saw stars exploding behind your eyes due to the pain it caused your already injured face. It only dissuaded her for a second. You choked out a pained grunt as she placed her knee on your chest- limiting your movements- and managed to get her weapon back.

Vaya straddled your chest and brought the knife down towards you.

You blocked her descent with your forearm, but she continued to press down, and the sharp point of the knife was edging closer to your throat. You let the Force flow through you and found whatever reserves were left within you and pushed back- hard- and used your other hand to lift her elbow to the side. You could tell by the way the knife was moving away from you and the sheer frustration in her face that you were going to get out of this. You managed to get her half off you but the momentum you had caused meant you rolled too, and she kept it going.

--

The two of your struggled on the ground, the knife getting lost between you both and it was then you heard the sound of metal meeting flesh.

You weren’t sure how it happened, and you wished you had found a way to stop it.

You watched the fearful realisation in her eyes, and you glanced down. You pushed off her you and she fell to the side. You gingerly sat up and recoiled in horror as you saw her knife embedded in her own chest. “Vaya, I-”

“You always- always were the stronger one.” Vaya rasped.

You bowed your head. You didn’t want it to go like this. “I’m sorry.”

A pained laugh rattled from Vaya’s mouth. “You’ll- you’ll understand if I don’t feel like forgiving you right now.”

You released a low, sad laugh. “Can I help?”

“No, I’m-” Vaya coughed, and a trickle of blood left the corner of her mouth. “I’m done.”

You watched as the light left her eyes and her chest stopped moving. “I’m sorry.” You whispered sincerely before you gently lowered her eyelids. You had never wanted this.

You stood up and made to take a step but instantly felt your knees buckle as your beaten body finally let itself be feel all the aches and pains you were experiencing. You slouched to the ground. You finally pressed a hand into your side and hissed in discomfort. You lifted your shirt and examined the wound. It wasn’t as deep as you’d feared but it was no small cut either. You definitely needed medical attention. You released a shaky breath as you got to your feet. Your knee burned under your full weight so you had to accommodate your step accordingly as you weaved your way through the bodies, picked up your abandoned weapons and made your way back to the ship as quickly as your body would allow.

--

Phee and Omega took in your battered and bruised face as you limped towards them. You were clutching your side and there was a blood trail behind you.

“(Y/N)!” Omega cried anxiously as she and Phee ran towards you.

“I thought you had a handle on things?” Phee said as she reached for you.

You waved them both off and grimaced. “I did. Just-” You readjusted your stance and groaned in pain. “Just get- get back to Ord Mantell.” You kept one gloved hand on your side as you all boarded the ship.

You winced as you sat down and took the cloth from Omega and put it over your nose to stem the blood flow.

“Hunter is going to kill me.” Phee mumbled as she turned her worried gaze from you and got the ship in the air.

As Omega started to take off your armour and anxiously watched the way your eyes flickered, she wasn’t confident enough to tell her that he wouldn’t.

--

“AZ, we need you!” Omega shouted urgently as the three of you entered the parlour.

AZ dropped the tray of dirty glasses in his hand and whirred towards Cid’s room. “Bring her back here.”

The rest of the Batch jumped to their feet as they saw you slouched against Phee.

“What happened?!” Echo asked as he and his brothers hustled over to you.

Your only reply was a pained grunt.

“We ran into some lowlifes.” Phee explained for you as she strengthened her grip on you since she felt you lean into her more.

“Where’s Hunter?” Omega asked quickly.

“He’s out with Cid.” Tech replied, already halfway to the exit.

“Don’t-” You sucked air through your teeth in discomfort as Echo and Wrecker took over from Phee in supporting you. “Don’t bother him. Give me 20 minutes and I’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, that’s not happening.” Wrecker disagreed. “You know what he’d do to us if we didn’t tell him this?”

“I’ve been imagining a few scenarios.” Phee piped up.

“I’m going to be fine.” You protested through gritted teeth. You didn’t want to worry Hunter with something that in the grand scheme of things, wasn’t a big deal and would be sorted pretty quickly.

“I do not suggest we test the idea.” Tech advised before he slipped away as Echo and Wrecker began to lead you into the back room where AZ was setting up.

--

“What are you after, Goggles?” Cid asked roughly as she saw Tech sprint towards them.

Tech ignored her.

Hunter took in the look on his brother’s face and his muscles tensed. It was a rare sight to see Tech looking troubled. “What’s wrong, Tech?”

Tech caught his breath back. “It’s (Y/N), she’s hurt. She-”

Hunter didn’t wait to be told the rest. He just started running.

--

“Hunter, hold on. Don’t-”

The warning calls from all his brothers didn’t stop him. He made a beeline for Phee.

Phee saw both the fury and panic on Hunter’s face and that was a dangerous combination. She dashed around to the safety of the bar counter. “Hey hey hey. Let’s just talk.” She said but she couldn’t quite keep the fear at bay, so it came out her mouth very quickly.

Omega had paused for a moment to watch but she knew she’d be better off helping AZ treat you, so she left the main parlour.

Wrecker acted quickly and braced his hand on Hunter’s shoulder. He knew his brother wasn’t going to physically hurt Phee- it wasn’t his nature- but he couldn’t guarantee the words he would say would carry the same considerations.

“What. Happened. Out. There?” He spat angrily at her as he shoved Wrecker’s hand off him. He stopped his advance, however.

“Everything started off fine. We just-”

“Clearly it wasn’t. You told me they would be alright!” He couldn’t stop his voice from growing louder. He was too wound up and upset to think straight right now.

“We were. It was only at the end where-”

“I don’t care when it was! You said nothing was going to happen!”

“I-”

“I know you like to lie about your various adventures, but I didn’t think you would lie about ensuring the safety of my squad!”

“If you would just-”

“Guess you really are a pirate.”

“Look, I didn’t think anything would go wrong! I can’t control what she does! She has her own mind you know!”

That made Hunter pause. “What are you talking about?” He took a deep breath and relaxed his stance a bit.

“Oh, you’re letting me get a word in now?” Phee retorted.

“Don’t.” Hunter warned. “Just tell me what you mean.”

Phee sighed. “Look, overall things were fine. It was just at the end. She got all jittery about needing to leave so we did but then we ran into some people that she insisted she deal with herself. I wanted to help but the kid was there, and (Y/N) told us to go. And technically, she did handle them. She got away, didn’t she? She’s right here. It’s not my fault she felt the need to take on a whole gang of people by herself.”

“You-”

“Hunter, instead of focusing your attention on Phee, why don’t you go check on (Y/N)?” Tech interjected.

Phee shot him a look of gratitude.

Hunter’s jaw clenched before he gave Phee one last glare and hustled through to the back room.

--

He practically crashed through the door when a big enough gap opened and you hastily covered the wound on your side that AZ was beginning to tend to. You started to sit up. “I told them not to bother you.”

“I am not yet finished with my examination.” AZ said, indicating that you should lie back down.

“What happened?” Hunter asked, his voice tight as he struggled to keep the distress at seeing your bruised face. Your lip had split and there was a cut along the bridge of your nose. Not to mention the purple and blue welts that were scattered across your face, particularly your cheek, eye, and jaw.

“You should see the other guys.” You joked before you winced as AZ started to work on your stab wound.

“Believe me, I wish I could.” Hunter said with protective rage.

“I’m okay, Hunter.” You comforted as you patted the side of the bed in invitation.

“Are you okay?” He asked to Omega first.

Omega nodded as she cleaned the spots of blood from your face and took off you gloves to clean the scratches on your knuckles before applied the bacta to the various bruises on your face. “Not even a scratch. It was an interesting mission until it went a bit wrong.”

Hunter hung his head in relief before he took your hand and came to sit by the bed. “How’s it going, AZ?”

“The bruises on her face and ribs will heal quickly. Her knee will take longer but the treatment is the same- some bacta and rest. This wound on her side, however, is more concerning.”

“AZ, I thought we said not to mention the injury there.” You grumbled.

“Yes, AZ, what’s concerning about the injury on her side?” Hunter said, shooting you a look.

“The knife wound isn’t deep, closing it up will be a simple process, but the blade that inflicted it was unclean and there is subsequent dirt from whatever happened after the original wound occurred. I am worried about infection.”

“See, a ‘simple process’.” You said with a small smile.

“The ‘worried about infection’ part just didn’t reach your ears?” Hunter chastised.

“I’m choosing to not think about it. And looking out for your health. You know, you should be avoiding unnecessary stress.” You said breezily.  

“Forget about my non-existent blood pressure issue. You were stabbed!” Hunter said, hanging his head in utter exasperation.

“Lightly.” You corrected with a slight smile.

Hunter breathed deeply. He wasn’t prepared to be calm about this yet.

You felt the distress that rippled through him. “Hunter, I promise I’m feeling much better.” You brought his hand to your chest and let him feel your heartbeat. “See? I’m right here.”

Slowly but surely and with each strong beat of your heart, Hunter started to feel himself relax. “Do you have enough supplies to clean it, AZ?”

“I do. The process will just carry a degree of discomfort.”

“Feel free to squeeze.” Hunter said softly as he kissed the back of your hand as he held it.

You gave him a grateful smile before you signalled for AZ to start.

--

“I have finished my treatment.” AZ declared.

“Thank you.” You said as the droid left the room. You sat up. Your still body ached but you figured that would be the norm for the next few hours at least. You accepted Hunter’s help to stand and practically fell into his arms as he didn’t give you much time to get oriented before he wrapped them around you.

“You know the idea of letting me just walk in and find you like this with no warning was a sure way to put me through unnecessary stress?” Hunter murmured into the top of your head.

“I know.” You admitted. “At the time, I thought it was the better route to go down.”

A beat of silence passed before Hunter spoke again. “I need you to be more careful, okay? We can joke all we like but when Tech said you were hurt…”

You pulled your head back to look at him.

“I can’t lose you.” He murmured as he brushed the backs of his fingers tenderly across your bruised face.

“You won’t.” You reassured him, your voice gentle.

“I could have. On more than one occasion and it’s not something I ever find myself prepared for.”

“Hunter…”

“I know the risks of what we do. I account for everything, or at least I try to, but the one thing that I always struggle to plan for is losing anyone here, especially you. If I-” He stopped before he tried again. “If I lost you, I think a part of me would die with you.”

You cupped his face and looked deep into his brown eyes. “Good thing that’s not going to happen.”

He swallowed thickly. He knew you both knew there were no guarantees in this galaxy but hearing you say it helped, nonetheless.

“It won’t.” You affirmed again. You wouldn’t let it. He and this squad were a source of light for you in the ever-growing darkness of this galaxy and if you didn’t have that, you dreaded to even think about what you would do. “I’ll stop being reckless and you avoid heights.” You said with a smile.

Hunter laughed. “Sounds like a decent plan.” He hugged you again.

“How much did you lay into Phee?” You asked with a knowing smile as you adjusted your head to glance at him.

“I was probably a bit harsh.” Hunter admitted on reflection.

“She told you I told them I’d handle it, right? She was actually following an order.”

“Yes.” Hunter grunted in displeasure. “When you’re 100% I’m going to come back and lecture you about that.”

You snorted out a laugh. “Come on, Sergeant. We got some apologies to make.”

--

As you hobbled into the main parlour with Hunter providing a helping hand, Phee dashed to hide behind Wrecker.

“What did you do?” You admonished with a playful punch to his arm.

Hunter winced at Phee’s reaction. “I’m sorry, Phee.” He said genuinely.

Phee peeked out from behind Wrecker. “Oh yeah?”

“Yes. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I was scared and I took it out on you when I shouldn’t have.”

Phee fully emerged. She could tell he meant what he was saying but that didn’t mean she couldn’t have a bit of fun first. “So, you’re sorry you yelled?”

“Yes.” Hunter nodded.

“And you’re sorry for not letting me get a chance to explain first?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re sorry you blamed me?”

“Yes.” He said again, not liking the direction Phee was taking this but he had it coming.

“And you’re sorry for implying that I would deliberately endanger your team?”

“Yes.” He squirmed.

“And you’re sorry for calling me a liar and a pirate?”

“Hunter.” You scolded.

“You were injured!” Hunter said awkwardly. He really had been an ass. “I didn’t know how badly; I just knew you were hurt and reacted with a bit more emotion that I should have. I’m sorry.” He said again.

Phee nodded appreciatively. “We’re cool, Bandana. You were worried for your girl, I get it. Just next time, take a moment before you jump down someone’s throat.”

Hunter dipped his head in acknowledgement.

“And Phee, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry too. I was careless and didn’t fully think about how a rather protective someone would react. I’m sorry for getting you into trouble.” You said earnestly.

“Don’t sweat it.” Phee said with a wave of her hand. “I just hope you left those other guys in a worst state cause you really don’t look too hot right now. Now, if you all would excuse me, I got some treasure to find.” She had decided to wait you out a bit longer, it wouldn’t be fair to try to figure out what your deal was with your current condition being what it was.

“Let us know what you find!” Omega called after her.

Phee grinned before she made her way out the parlour.

“Do the other guys look worse?” Wrecker asked.

“They will have to be in considerably worse shape if you look better.” Tech said simply, only realising how it sounded when all heads gave him the same pointed look.

You merely laughed. “Yes, Tech, they looked considerably worse. Some more than others.” You said to yourself quietly, regretfully.

“Alright!” Wrecker celebrated as he gave you a high five.

“Can you fill us in on what happened?” Echo asked.

“I did bring it on myself, it was from a time before I met you all. Believe or not, some secrets of my past before you all still remain. And this time, Omega isn’t going to reveal them.” You kidded as you all sat down, but you were nervous. You weren’t sure of the reaction you’d get. It was a dark, shameful part of your past where you’d just left the Order and had started doubting everything you’d thought you’d known and through that, you’d lost yourself for a while. “It was pretty soon after I left the Order…”

Next Chapter>

Tagging: @noeasyisnoisy, @fuckoffthanos, @tpwkcalli, @arctrooper69, @graciexmarvel, @flyingkangaroo, @nightmonkeysstuff, @brujaporfavor, @sunkissedclones, @ladytano420, @keep-calm-and-drink-caf, @yyourmotherr, @xxeiraxx, @starwarsnerd111

[captain--sif]

You And Me And Buck

Rating T, 1.7k, Buddie, 911

Eddie asks Christopher about his feelings concerning his new attempt at dating. Chris' answer has him rethinking what he already has in his life.

A little episode coda for 6x14, mostly inspired by the clip of Eddie’s date that we had seen already before the episode aired. Read on AO3

"Are you going to see her again?"

Eddie would lie if he said that Chris’ question didn’t take him by surprise. He tries not to lie to his son, and he certainly didn’t outright lie about this, either, but he kind of did omit the fact that his hangout the evening before had been a date.

But Chris is old enough and well-versed enough in the intricacies of the English language by now, that Eddie knows that’s what he’s asking about. Are you going to go on another date with her?

The answer is no, he’s not, they both agreed on that, and he doesn’t mind that that’s the point they came to. He isn’t even particularly looking to start dating again, doesn’t think he will anytime in the near future, so he’s not exactly sure why he counters Chris’ question with his own.

"How would you feel about it if I did?"

Chris looks at him calculating, or, well, as calculating as a 12-year-old can look, pondering over an answer.

"I got used to Ana," he says finally, and Eddie doesn’t know what to do with that. It’s not an endorsement, neither of Ana, nor of Eddie dating at all, but he hasn’t specifically said that he’d hate it either. "I’ll get used to her too," he adds.

"But?" Eddie prompts him to continue, "I feel like there’s a but coming." A smile creeps onto his face when he sees Chris’ own face splitting into a grin. He feels a snarky reply coming.

"But," Chris says, enunciating clearly, grinning because there was indeed a but coming, but then quickly taking on a more serious air, making clear to Eddie that he really means it, "I prefer it when it’s just you and me and Buck."

Eddie nods because Chris has made it more than clear before, when he was dating Ana, that he didn’t like him dating, but this was much less negative than before. Eddie will take that as a win, despite the way that Chris’ "you and me and Buck" has lodged itself into the outskirts of Eddie’s brain like an ear worm, begging him to acknowledge it. He will, he thinks to himself, as soon as his brain figures out how to process it.

"Well," he says instead, "it will be just us a little while longer."

"Okay." Chris smiles a tired smile up at him and Eddie takes that as his queue to get up and leave the room.

"Good night, mijo," he says and closes the door.

"Good night, dad," Christopher replies around what is without a doubt a yawn.

They’re a family, Eddie rationalizes later, when he’s lying in his own bed, staring at the ceiling, unable to sleep. The three of them make up a family, and it’s one of the truest things Eddie knows about his own life. It’s not interpretation, it’s not wishful thinking, it’s not something that Chris only believes in his still-childlike convictions. It’s one of the fundamentals of the universe. It should explain all there is to Chris’ remark, since it does, and yet: Eddie can’t help but feel like there’s something he’s missing, some dimension to the remark that’s not yet encompassed by the unshakable truth of their being a family.

He’s overthinking it, Eddie is sure of that, and at the end of the night he’s not sure if it’s into Chris’ or his own intent that he’s attributing this additional information.

"I feel like I’m a divorced dad starting to date someone new again who the child disapproves of," he voices his thoughts on his shift the next day.

"I thought you said you wouldn’t see her again?" Chimney asks, just as Bobby says: "Didn’t you already clear this up with him when you were dating Ana?"

"I’m not gonna see her again," he replies to Chimney, "that was more of a hypothetical question." He shrugs. "Just trying to figure out how he’s currently feeling about it. Besides, you never know when Tia Pepa will spring something like this on me again. So I thought it’s better to be prepared."

"Do you want to date the next person she springs on you?" Eddie can hear the lifted eyebrows in Chimney’s voice without looking.

He grimaces. "No."

"And," he restarts, well aware of Bobby’s still lingering question, "I didn’t know if he ended up being okay with me dating in general, or just with Ana."

"You said he didn’t throw a salad bowl tantrum like the last time, so to me it seems like he reacted well," Hen points out, "so what are your hold-ups?"

Eddie grimaces again. "I wasn’t actually finished," he admits. He’s really glad that Buck is riding with Ravi and some of their other teammates in the other firetruck today, since he’s not sure he could say what he does after that the way he does if he wasn’t, not before he hasn’t untangled his thoughts about it. "I feel like I’m a divorced dad starting to date someone new again," he restarts, "who the child disapproves of since they want their divorced parents to stay together."

"Shannon is dead," Hen says cautiously, "he knows that."

"Yes," Eddie says, "because in this scenario my ex-wife isn’t my actual ex-wife, or even any of the other women I dated, but it’s Buck." He moves his hands in a kind of "ta-da" gesture, expressing that he finished talking.

There’s a silence in the truck that is soothing Eddie, just knowing that they know as little what to do with it as he does.

"So what," Chimney asks finally, "now you think Christopher wants you to date Buck?"

He’s obviously trying to be funny, but Eddie stays quiet, has to think about that. Because: "I hadn’t even considered that."

He sees Chimney and Hen share a look at the quiet way he breathes these words out. Eddie thinks Chimney was probably aiming for a "No, of course not," and up until this very moment Eddie would have assumed that’s what his answer would be.

But now he thinks back to the way Chris’ comment unsettled him the night before, for a reason other than the knowledge that he doesn’t want Eddie to bring someone new into their family of three, the way he tried to evoke with this little analogy he’s been telling the team.

Of all analogies he could have chosen, he chose one where he casts himself and Buck as a divorced couple. No matter how accurate to Chris’ sentiment it might be, Eddie considers that his choice of analogy might be a tell in itself. Like his weird feeling the night before.

Sensing his oncoming panic, his team seems to have chosen a different road to approach him now.

"Has he given any other indication that that’s what he wants?", Hen asks more cautiously, softer, Chimney nodding along but staying quiet, like he’s afraid he’ll make it even worse, "what did he say exactly?"

"I don’t know," Eddie admits, because he hasn’t looked for it before, hasn’t once considered it. "He just said that he prefers it when it’s just the three of us. He hasn’t said anything about dating, but what if…" he trails off.

He kind of has the urge to laugh. It feels a little ironic now. When he was with Ana, he handled dating just fine, but the idea of forming a family with her gave him panic attacks. Now, the panic is clawing at his throat again, but he can handle Buck being a part of his family just fine. In fact, he loves it. It’s still the only thing about this that feels steady. Like an anchor that, while not being able to smooth out the waves, still keeps him in place and from falling into the deepness of the troubled waters.

Just as contradictory, he now wishes that Buck had been riding with them instead of in the other engine. Eddie can clearly hear Buck’s voice in his mind asking him if he’s panicking, and he thinks it’d help calm him down, even while knowing that had Buck been here, Eddie would not be in the situation he is now.

And maybe that should have been Eddie’s first hint (or second, technically) that something was going on with him. That he realized even while telling his analogy that he would not have told it the same way if Buck had been present. He should have seen the avoidance for what it was, but then again, Eddie had always been good at avoiding and ignoring his uncomfortable thoughts.

Repression, the doctor had called it.

"If that’s what you think Chris meant, maybe you should think about why that is," Hen suggested, just as softly.

"I will," Eddie says, partly because it is true, and partly because there’s nothing else he feels able to say. He stays quiet the rest of the ride, the cogs turning in his head, only vaguely taking note of the worried looks the team are sending towards him and each other.

He does think about it. It’s the echoes of Buck’s and Dr. Salazar’s voices in his head that are spurring him on to look at what he’s feeling, and — well, mostly to look at what he wasn’t feeling. He’s taking a big long look at all the suspicious absences. All the moments where he braced himself on the rational explanations, without looking at the feelings behind or around it. And all the ordinary feelings that he paid just as little attention to for believing their origin to be obvious.

He examines all of his interactions with Buck over the last couple of months. As well as all their interactions as a family, the three of them, him and Buck and Christopher.

The conclusion he comes to is this:

Chris will not have to worry about Eddie bringing anyone else into their family any time soon, maybe ever.

Fuck.

Drop me a little kudos on AO3

[waitmyturtles]

Gooooood golly. Where do we even begin. Moonlight Chicken episode 6 thoughts. This one was loaded, like, I’m literally shaking my head.

I think a great place to start would be @lurkingshan​’s beautiful meditation on points of view in the show -- that all the characters of this show are multifaceted and flawed. Depending on how you’re watching a particular scene at a particular time, with your particular implicit and explicit biases towards each character humming away, you might interpret a scene differently between the POVs of the different characters involved. This show, and the flow of feelings, and the flow of perspectives, and the PAST experiences that each character has had, and how it affects each of their futures -- it just flows like water.

1) Sorry for the terrible screenshot here, but this episode was first rooted in Jim moving from his past (Beam) to his future (Wen), with him squarely planted in his present, as visually arranged by Aof, the master:

And Wen, being Jim’s companion/confidant/inspiration to get the movement moving, to get Jim to move forward. To help absolve Jim of, what, exactly -- the question of whether or not Beam truly loved him, the guilt of letting Beam take the ferry ride. All of it. Wen turning to the modern world (Facebook, lol) to find Beam’s girlfriend. When Jim doesn’t know how to help himself, Wen is there to offer a bridge.

2) When Wen doesn’t know how to help himself, Jim is there to offer a bridge. Wen’s little relieved smile when Jim said at the beginning of the episode, “no one sleeps over” -- lol.

And at the end of the episode, when Wen checks in with Jim before needing to turn back to Alan -- and Jim saying, not even letting Wen finish his sentence -- “I think you should stay. If I were you, it’s what I’d do.” The switch switches, and Jim absolves Wen. 

Obviously, there’s the entire episode between the two of them in between these scenes, but GOD, THE FLOW BETWEEN THESE TWO -- it’s pulsating. I am desperately in love with watching them find balance between each other. Jim slowly, slowly, coming out of his shell. I think it helps that Jimbo likes Wen so much. 

3) Alright, lemme just get some quick thoughts out, because there’s just too much to think about:

- I love that the flirtation from Wen to Jim hums with different levels of heat. I swear to jebus that Tian came back (GAH, I need to keep the past where it is, dang it!), but Mix does flirtay SO WELL. 

- I agree with @respectthepetty​ that Leng is just a huge chismoso -- he’d ride hard on the West Coast. My man!

- We saw some dudes shoot their shots! The shots got shot! And Jim’s all like, waving his hands around, where are these shots coming from, calm down. But: my heart for Gaipa. WHY. IS. KHAO. SO. GREAT?! I felt his discomfort and sadness literally twisting in my intestines, he made it so uncomfortable. Incredible acting.

- I suppose I could analyze the story about Gaipa’s parents to figure out why Gaipa moved so directly to shoot his shot, but I kind of thought, in the tiniest way, that that scene was rushed -- along with the scene with Khwan, Beam’s girlfriend. I liked her very direct attitude, straight to the point -- I’ve moved on, I have my life, Beam lied to me and was selfish. “I quit suffocating over the past” -- I loved that line, and it’s obviously so meaningful for Jim to hear in that moment. But it seemed like that scene didn’t allow for Jim to process what he was hearing. Unless the processing was meant to be saved for the beach scene with Wen, which is valid, but if I were Jim, I would have needed some minutes to understand what I was hearing from Khwan, and even meeting her in the first place.

- Also, I can’t help but be a mom here. Khwan’s daughter is likely around 4, maybe 5. We’re in December 2022 in this episode, with Beam having died December 2018. And that daughter is not Beam’s child....? Inquiring moms need to know, but I respect Khwan’s privacy (not really, at all, but I’ll pretend). (Maybe Khwan needed to process Beam’s infidelity in her own way.)

- Children are certainly representing the future in this show -- Leng’s baby, Khwan’s daughter.

- I am hoping that someone out here analyzes the “typical Chinese families” line that Khwan says about hers and Beam’s parents. If I extrapolate that to my Indian interpretation, I would take that line to mean that their sets of parents assumed/arranged the relationship for them to get married. We get no indication or confirmation of that, but it certainly would have happened in my family, and I would have been seen as a failure for not marrying a good boy that my parents had found. I wonder about that and will keep my eyes peeled for more analysis. 

Back to deep thoughts:

4) Pattaya: the meaning of Pattaya. (I believe this is correct, that Aof is from there, right?) That Beam would come to Pattaya to be with Jim, and leave it to be with his “other family.” That Wen chose Pattaya over Bangkok. What is Pattaya to these characters? A place that’s set a little bit in the past of more forward-moving places like Bangkok or wherever Beam was going. Pattaya has always been a main character in this show, but I felt like the place was given MOVEMENT in this episode.

When Wen is laying on Jim’s lap and asks Jim, “Do you take this place as your home?” -- we know that Wen is referring to the love-as-home conversation from the start of the episode. But I was also struck that, just maybe, Wen was indirectly referring to Pattaya -- a place that, while still set in the past, is STILL moving forward. There has to be a temporal nature to any sort of culture or society living in a place, because humans naturally grow and change, and no matter how hard some people try -- like Jim -- there’s just no staying in the past forever. The people who are family to you -- the people who Jim has MADE family, like Wen and chismoso Leng -- will pull you along eventually. 

5) Finally: Li Ming and Heart. So much, so much.

For a second, I really thought Heart’s mom would keep Li Ming away from Heart, and that I’d have to write a fucking post alone about Asians and saving face. But THANKFULLY, I don’t have to (parents, hmph). 

6) When I update my MC Big Themes list tomorrow, I’ll scout for posts about the slight discomfort that Heart clearly demonstrated after Li Ming’s reaction to his vocalization. But for now, I’ll say this: I’m really glad I watched the Japanese dorama Silent before I watched MC’s vocalization scene. I think Silent gave me a good grounding into what vocalizing MEANS for the person who is speaking, vs. the person receiving the voice. The speaker’s voice -- for someone who’s deaf, your own voice means what, exactly? It’s NOT a mode of communication for the speaker. And, in Silent, the character Sou makes this abundantly clear to his companion. 

But the hearing receiver THINKS it’s a mode of communication, because it’s normalized for the receiver that way. 

I think there’s a lot there. You can emit a sound, but it means nothing to you. But if your receiver thinks it means something.... it only means something to the receiver. Is there something that Li Ming is getting out of this pairing that Heart is not?

I am hoping this plays out a bit more, because it could be a harbinger of things to come for Li Ming and Heart, as to how their relationship moves forward. I still think it’s wonderful that much of the sign language is not subtitled -- but I did notice the subtitled conversations at the end of the episode.

I’m not going to ruminate on the preview, because there’s obviously going to be a LOT again. I feel like I have a lot more to analyze here, but my kids are climbing on me, so more tomorrow.

No chickens for the Khao Man Gai Appreciation Rating, but that omelette that Mix made Jim looked amazing! I love Thai omelettes, how they’re fried floating in oil -- such a cool technique.

[hellsingmongrel]

Trimax and possible Tristamp spoilers?

I’ve been thinking about the way they incorporated Meryl into the JuLai storyline in Stampede, and I’m beginning to wonder if that was their way of getting JuLai and Meryl’s kidnapping from Trimax out in one shot.  It has similar storybeats, including her finally seeing Vash going full Eldritch Angel when he rescues her.

I’m honestly not really sure how I feel about that, if it is what they’re doing.  I mean it makes sense, in that it will be helping condense the story down so that they can fit the important storybeats into the show, but in doing so, they would be losing the really fascinating character growth we saw between the two of them in the manga.  That event was a huge deal for Meryl, it absolutely terrified her and she was scared of him for a long time.  It was a whole subplot that wasn’t verbally addressed much by the two of them, but was absolutely shown in their interactions and the way she went from terrified, feeling guilty about that terror, and finally being able to overcome it and be there for him when he needed her support the most.  It was just so.  Good.  It helped show that while the reader might see his transformations and be like “Oh man, that looks cool!” it was actually legitimately horrifying for everyone involved, even those who were closest to him.

His transformations are scary, he doesn’t like it, Meryl doesn’t like it, Wolfwood doesn’t like it.  Nobody knows how to deal with it when it happens.  It’s a whole thing, so many people, Vash included, are just terrified of that power and what he’s capable of and how inhuman he looks and sometimes acts when he’s completely lost in his own head.  It’s an important part of the message of learning to accept yourself and live with yourself regardless of your failings, and of not judging people by what they appear to be, but instead to measure their worth by their actions, instead.  Learning to love those around you, learning to forgive yourself, etc.

IDK.  I can see where they would want to take this shortcut, and I’ve loved pretty much everything else they’ve done with the show, so I want to give them the benefit of the doubt and say they’ll handle it well.  I just think we’d be losing an important element of the story if they reduced the tension that existed between them because of Meryl’s trauma to the way the events in JuLai went down in episodes 10-12.  I think it could have an even better impact in Stampede, even, if they did have that tension now, because until now, she’s only ever seen him be soft spoken, sweet, gentle, only raising a hand to harm others when he absolutely had to and absolutely never losing control or killing someone.  He’s so much softer than Vash is when we first encounter him in Trimax, so to have him go from that extremely gentle soul to someone who’s so lost, has so much power, and is pushed so far over the edge that he’s reduced to this:

And at the same time, when he shields her with his wings earlier in this event, there’s a moment when she’s linked into his mind and seeing his memories.  I feel like that’s something that’s important, too, and damn if it didn’t take me rereading through the manga to find that page to realize what had happened.  (Though tbf, a lot of the action in the series is like that; you have to interpret the visuals, it doesn’t hold your hand and narrate what’s going on, so sometimes it takes multiple, multiple rereadings to figure out what exactly you’re seeing.  It’s both good and bad, tbh.  Nightow is showing the reader a lot of respect in expecting them to not need to be told what is happening, but there are still some times when a little tiny bit of direction might have been useful.  :’D)

All of that, plus just giving the viewer their first glimpse into the fact that even when he’s not being controlled by his brother, Vash can still go full Plant mode, can absolutely lose control and become a being that is a threat to everyone around him unless he manages to regain his senses, would be a very, very important scene to lose.  So honestly, I really hope they don’t condense the story the way it seems they might have, or that they find a way of showing these important beats in another way.  Vash’s Big Badass Moment in episode 12 was fuckin’ amazing, don’t get me wrong!  I was screaming and cheering him on from my couch the entire episode!  But it’s not the full story and there’s a lot that would be lost if that was all they took from this part of the story in Trimax.

[thissliceofnonsense]

Donnie likes Magic... at least in the beginning. (First episode Donnie notes)

(All my Donnie-magic-arc notes from my rottmnt show notes. LOOK I HAVE EVIDENCE :3. This is mainly for future reference.)

Okie, Donnie's first words in the show are him using his science to support his brothers and be overdramatic.

Donnie has tech in his shell for when April needs a ride, meaning that, again, he is constantly making tech to help others, along with his own interests.

(Also the way he flies? So overdramatic princess-y. I love him. And I can't take screenshots for some reason. Sadness. )

They do have rehearsals for 'if they come in contact with humans'. So.... do they worry about that? Also, Donnie never goes to them. I can relate. Things I find unnecessary that I take away from my 'writing time' are things I try to avoid at all costs.

Donnie screaming 'Fibonacci' or just being happy and showing off his tech makes me so sparkly inside.

(I'm not even five minutes into the first episode.... this might take awhile)

Donnie's tech does not work, he tries but it does not work a ton. Which I love. Our favorite/ special things not working, or just not being that great is something I relate to a lot/ want to see more in media. It's the thing we base our lives on. It HAS to be good. Otherwise, what's the point of our existence?

Yes... I kin Donnie.

All of Donnie's lines are immediately iconic in my brain

Donnie again tries to make things better with his tech abilities

When Donnie 'insults' his brothers. ('You guys are fools') He'll say something positive about it later. ("You beautiful fools') he's basically doing /pos all the time.

Donnie, upon finding the hidden city, says "Exactly what I expected." (At 11:37) Meaning that he is a cryptid theorist confirmed. He has theorized about the existence of mystic beings since before they found the hidden city.

(I will do another "Why Donnie dislikes mystic powers" later, because this gives me the notion that Donnie dislikes mystic powers the same way some physicists dislike quantum mechanics or the Copenhagen interpretation of it. It doesn't make sense. It contradicts and he can't figure it out, that wouldn't be an issue if it weren't for his brothers immediately getting it. In the AU, I would have an 'episode' where their mystic powers start making Donnie inconsequential. They already don't listen to him most of the time. And now his tech doesn't help anymore....

anywho that's for later, back to episode one!)

According to Donnie's calculations, they are in a 'Tertiary metaverse'.

A google search revealed nothing on that. But ..... DONNIE HAS CALCULATIONS FOR THESE SORTS OF THINGS, AAA-

Donnie loves Draxum's lab. Specifically, the color scheme and the style. These two would get along so well.

Donnie has high grade titanium, how did he get high grade titanium?

(my headcannon is that he goes on 'shopping trips' with his siblings, mainly April, sometimes Mikey. And he steals things.)

DONNIE IS NOT AGAINST MAGIC IN THE FIRST EPISODE WAT.

He seems awed. At 14:41 he says "it's like mystic and science had a baby"

OKIE OKIE, here's my headcannon.

Originally Donnie was a science person (obviously) but he was like - "well there's no definite evidence that cryptids and magic AREN'T possible. I mean... black holes and quantum mechanics make no sense. Science does wild things sometimes, why can't these things exist? And you know what? I'm going to prove it!"

But then he actually SAW mystic powers and everyone else doing really well with it. Replacing him. And while his prior experiments with the crystal have led to good results in tandem with his goggles, but when he tries afterwards, it doesn't work. (Because mystic powers are based on emotions and he's frustrated.) That's weird. Science should lead to definite, predictable results.

So *character arc*

His tech is constantly on the fritz in this episode. Mainly his tech bo. Maybe that's a newer piece? His battle shell seems to work fine. I think that may be one of his first pieces of tech, and the flying part looks like what would become Shelldon in the future.

AND, I think he gets better at making his tech in the future, while still making mistakes :D

Plus, his tech being on the fritz, makes his whole "they care more about what I can do for them than me"/needing to be useful, and fix things, mean that much more.

Also also, I'm basing above off of the fact that the siblings like his tech, but don't trust it, and they often don't exactly listen to him that often ('DONNIE NOT HELPING!') Which I feel like would hurt after some time. Also this post.

Donnie goes to his phone after his achievement of his tech bo working, he's probably documenting his success + photo archives + data points.

Mikey gets bored of the Villain banter really fast. Donnie wants his own world to keep working as it does and just coast along with his family while still 'spending time with them' (I can HEAVILY relate... or maybe I'm just projecting, but wanting to be in your own world while being around others is literally my whole life in a nutshell.)

Mikey's mystic weapon is a cackling fireball gremlin that is absolutely uncontrollable. Everyone (including Donnie) thinks it's REALLY COOL

[catwouthats]

I didn’t want to post anything Loki related bc I don’t like promoting Disney shit after what they did (FUCK DISNEY! they donated 2 mil to Israel. So, don’t give them money y’all), yet somehow this is RELEVANT for social issues???

Basically

Mobius- Structural Functionalism

Sylvie- Conflict Theory

Loki- Symbolic Interactionism

But Loki and Mobius flip flop a little.

If you know sociology, this probably just damaged you emotionally. If you don’t know sociology, you are probably confused. Let me explain. Also I have more I want to say about what this all means. (SEASON 2 EPISODE 6 SPOILERS)

Structural Functionalism- Basically, things like institutions (schools, prisons, etc), roles (what you are expected to do), rules, and strict control are seen as important to hold society together. Each part is needed for the system to survive (else something else will try to take the broken system’s/part’s place… usually messy. Thinks break/slow.)

Conflict Theory- A lower class is oppressed by the upper class. Belief that the systems in place are made to oppress those who don’t have the power

Symbolic Interactionism- seeks to understand relationships between people. The importance of them on an individual level. Why and how one’s personal circle affects how they interact with the world as a whole. focusing on the symbols that help us give meaning to the experiences in our life. Symbols are subjective. Everyone has a different interpretation. The meanings of these symbols can change.

Mobius- Was devoted to TVA (institution). Generally interested in how to use the system as it is. Likes the structure and set up (until later?). Doesn’t question authority (until others do. Follows norms and peer pressure). Did not want to know who he was a while (against social norms in his society that was the TVA institution)

Sylvie- TVA oppressed her all her life. She’s interested in all the people wronged by imbalanced power that is the TVA (herself and everyone along branching times). Interested in equality. Mad at bourgeois (She is passionate and didn’t know as much as Loki —WHO WAS FUCKING TIME SLIPPING SO OFC IT MADE MORE SENSE TO HIM— so ofc she gets mad and makes “rash decisions” bc in her eyes they are logical.)

Loki- Personal. Think “Why?” Questions. Why did He Who Remains do this? Why do I have to be alone? He’a affected by his family/friends. THAT is what causes him to invoke change in society. He doesn’t admit it at first, but it’s clear that he treats everything personally to him. He is a God, something I see as more symbolic rather than functional because it makes everything personal to him on a different scale. The symbol of the TVA changed it’s meaning to the tree of life because of him.

He fixed it all by fixing his personal issues… or breaking them. It’s not how real life exactly works —it’s magic— but it’s interesting. It makes an interesting point. Not that one person is the hero, but that, despite EVERYONE’s group work, still at least ONE person had to give up living (usually it’s too many).

The reason I bring this up is because, again, it is so interesting. I thought this was gonna be copaganda (that one Ep Loki says some wack shit.. which he doesn’t agree with anymore I don’t think bc he literally ripped it apart)(maybe it still is copaganda?? Idk, that’s not the point of this thing). This media actually showed the importance of each social theory individually though. AND HOW THEY CAN WORK TOGETHER TO BRING CHANGE! I’d argue they need to work together to bring change.

You need to have that closeness to each other, that understanding of why people are reacting in ways (symbolic interaction). So you can grow stronger as an organized group and figure out plans (structural functionalism). So you can stand up STRONG to your oppressor without leaving ANYONE behind, so you can reduce the HARM of the oppressive system (conflict theory).

I know this is all over the place and I apologize. It seems weird to talk about something so serious using a show (especially when the thing owning that show is part of what you’re speaking out against??)(like seriously wtf Disney!??? Fuck you!!!??)

That said —off topic again— when it comes to Loki, I think he is going to have to find away to be with Sylvie & Mobius again. He has no defenses. They, Sylvie and Mobius, are his defenses. They help him to not die/kill others. They help keep the TVA workers stable to support him. They help keep things in check so no one gets treated unfairly. He needs both of them.

Anyways, back on topic, this can all be overwhelming. Society as a whole. Just remember that we have each other’s backs. You might not feel it yet, but trust me, more and more people are coming together. They/we are doing more and more amazing things, things that get bigger and bigger with more of an impact.

We are stopping weapons from being shipped.

We are boycotting.

We are donating to support.

We are spreading the word.

There is love, it’s just not ever given by the oppressors. Don’t ever look for love there; the people that are hurting family and friends are not ever going to give you love.

Also, if any part of this is off or insensitive please let me know. I’m terrible at being socially human, like my words don’t get interpreted how I interpret them.

[rhondafromhr]

hi!! i recently reread “maybe i’ll dance with temptation after all” and i have to say that im literally every fic you write your characters are so in charecter (especially steph!!)

so i guess my question is do you have any tips or tricks for writing the essence of the blorbos so well!?

Ahh, first off thank you so much!! It makes me so happy that you enjoy my fics and think I got the characters right <3 <3 <3 Steph is definitely really special to me bc I relate to her in a lot of ways so it makes me happy that you like my take on her!

One big thing I really like to do is revisit the canon material before writing something new, especially if I haven’t recently and periodically throughout longer fics. If I don’t have the time or energy to watch the whole NMT episode or musical I just skip around to the parts with the relevant characters. For example, when I realized Zoey was going to be a bigger part of the corruption au than I originally thought I rewatched Honey Queen for the bits with her in them. Then I just obsess and overanalyze to try and get down their manner of speaking, interactions with other characters, motives etc.

A lot of it’s kind of intuitive honestly, sometimes I’ll just vomit a scene onto the page and be like “yeah, I can picture them saying/doing that.” On the flip side, sometimes I’m like “eh, not sure if they would” and then ponder the age old question: would he fucking say that? If the answer is no, I can always rework it and figure out what he’d say instead or what circumstances might push him to say that.

Ironically, I think the biggest thing for me is not stressing myself out too much about exactly what the characters would do in canon and getting them just how the Langs would write them. I also think about what makes sense within the context and vibes in my story, what’s happening to them and the relationships they’re forming. Just kind of taking your interpretation of them based on the source material, running with it and having fun with it! And just being willing to try and possibly get it “wrong” - a lot of writing fic for me has been sort of learning what works for me through trial and error and that’s part of the fun!

Not sure if I explained it the best but I really hope this helps!!

[meetinthewest]

Possible connection between the van scene and the byler convo in Will’s bedroom(?)

This might be a shoot in the dark, but I had to get it to the community so we don’t miss out on any possibilities, because I haven’t seen anyone talk about this. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about the van scene lately, trying to figure out if Mike understood anything of what Will said in his confession and what exactly he could have. I personally believe he somehow got that Will was talking about himself because of the way he reacted (his expressions and everything he knows that simply does not align with all those lies), but I’m not sure.

The interpretations on the last words of the van scene from the script stood out to me and I kept wondering why they changed it for the version that officially came out.

On the script:

“…You really think so?”

“I know so.”

On the final version:

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

Then out of nowhere I connected it to the “Yeah?” “Yeah.” from the original script of the byler conversation in Will’s bedroom (episode 4)!!! I know, they obviously changed it as well for the final version to “Cool” “Cool.” (which is also adorable and parallels that Robin and Vickie scene). 

And I know that technically for those kind of things the final version is the one we should consider more, but I couldn’t help but think if there is any connection between these two scenes. Maybe they parallel each other? I mean, just look at it: 

In episode 4: 

Mike opens up, he apologizes and takes accountability for his bad attitude and neglect, explains himself/his feelings (how he feels like he has lost Will and regrets it), hints Will’s importance for him (“it’s not the same without you”), and basically says what he wants from now on (to be best friends, close, to have Will again). Will just listens and takes it all in, “emotional”. 

In the van scene: 

Will opens up, he apologizes and takes accountability for his bad attitude and pushing away, explains himself/his feelings (how he feels different and scared to lose Mike), hints Mike’s importance for him (“you’re the heart”, “you make her feel like she’s not a mistake at all”) and says what he expects from now on (having to let go of Mike, but knowing he can’t, he needs and wants Mike). Mike just listens, takes it all in, “emotional”.

IT’S PRACTICALLY THE SAME THING. It’s the same composition, same meaning, they check every same box equally. It’s like they are having one single and continued conversation, just on separate moments. They explain each other their parts on the relationship problems and resolve it, both getting apologies, validation and reassurance. It complements one another and wraps up their issues (the friendship ones, at least). They’re understood now, on the same page. God, I love them.

I’m not quite sure if those last words mean something or what they could mean, but I’m kind of convinced that the similarity of the confessions themselves means something huge. 

As for what I was wondering initially, if we can use the same interpretation for both scenes, this leads to me thinking that Mike did understand everything Will was saying, but not the romantic meaning of it all. Just like Will got what Mike was saying to him, but didn’t notice how head over heels was that declaration. Two love birds who can’t imagine the possibility of their best friend/crush reciprocating their feelings, but think they are on good terms now, at least. 

That’s it, this might be very delusional and I don’t write as beautifully as my fellow bylers theorizers, but I had to get it out even if it is in a sloppy and unsure way. 

Anyways, any thoughts on this?

[trillscienceofficer]

🌈🌿🎀💞💌 - pick and choose if you don't wanna do all!

Thank you so much!!

🌈is there a fic that you worked really fucking hard on that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

Answered here :)

🌿how does creating make you feel?

Ouf, complex question. I've tried not writing at various points in my life, thinking that it was childish, what's the point anyway and it's not as if anything I make is particularly good or relevant... but despite these rationalizations not writing always made life tangibly worse for me. I used to fill notebooks with stories as a teenager, I left word documents full of half-written fic in all the computers I've ever put my hands on, it's just something I do. That said though... putting something on paper is usually a distressing emotional roller-coaster for me. I know this sounds fucking overdramatic for someone who writes silly Star Trek romance fic but it's just the way it is! I oscillate between almost 'manic' episodes of elation to depths of despair previously not known to man, and the difference between them can simply be 'reading an opinion that disagrees on the approach I've taken in the story I'm currently writing'. I love talking to other writers (it's what made me start posting fic publicly in the first place, I want to talk to people with whom I share interests and sensibilities) but if I have the wrong conversation at the wrong time it can make me stop writing for literal months. I probably should work on that and make writing less of a sensitive topic because this is definitely a me problem lol, but I'm also not exactly sure how to put more emotional distance between me and the act of making up a story with characters I love. Something I'm definitely thinking about, nonetheless!

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

I care about these characters so much and the amount of thought I put into them and the relationships between them shows in what I write.

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

Characters for sure, they always come first for me. I care about grammar as well, though this is a complicated subject (how exactly I am proficient in English is a question I'm very afraid to ask, even to my beta readers when I have them). I'm not a big plot person, but I always try to have a central 'conflict' in every story I write, something that helps bring out the differences and similarities between the characters involved. Figurative language is admittedly not among my main concerns, and lately I feel like I should concentrate more on prose, I realize my writing can be too dry sometimes. Worldbuilding is complicated for me... I feel like anything I make up ends up sounding silly, so in general I try to keep things close to canon, or at least close to interpretations of canon that can be recognized.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

This question kills me because I'm writing the assignment for an exchange right now and I can't really share anything that would make the fic recognizable! But I definitely AM excited about it, as well as a little apprehensive because it's for a fandom and characters I haven't written about before. Stay tuned ;)

fic writer asks