#His pain in House of The Dead makes sm sense now!!

[teslapunk3327]

"We named him Jack" and "My name's Ianto." IN THE SAME WEEK?!

Is Big Finish trying to kill me? On Purpose?

[ultraintrovertedgryffindor]

HEY BESTIE ITS ME AGAIN! i was wondering if i could get a will request with angst. LOTS AND LOTS of angst about will and the reader seeming to always miss each other in sense of relationships and because of that the reader distanced themself from will so months pass by and they both are single then and they run into each other and eventually get into a fight bc he’s upset that they ghosted him and eventually have an angry love confession and happy ending?

thank u sm bff

YOU WANT ANGST, I"LL GIVE YOU ANGST...in a fairly decent amount cause this was hard to write for some reason🙃 sorryyyy @poulterfilms

~~~~~~~~~~

Why did life have to be so hard?

You watched as Will got ready for his date that night, giddy and excited to be going out, rambling on and on about how nice this person was, who he met a few days prior.

You just smiled and nodded along, pretending that your heart wasn't painfully throbbing with jealousy.

You hated this feeling, longing. It was strange, you never felt this way before with Will. You've been friends with him as long as you can remember, seen him have plenty of dates with other people. So why did you suddenly feel like you wanted him all to yourself? It wasn't like you at all.

"So, what do you think?" Will asked, snapping you out of your thoughts, slowly spinning around to show off his outfit.

You plastered on that same fake smile that you unfortunately got into the habit of doing nowadays. "You look great, Will. You always do." You didn't mean to sound so sad, but it came out that way and you internally cringed.

Will cocked his head with a confused grin. "You okay?"

You nodded your head eagerly. "Of course!" You stood up from where you sat and quickly adjusted the collar of Will's shirt, struggling to pull away when he smiled at you. "I always have to fix that damn shirt collar." You chuckled weakly, forcing yourself to take a couple steps back.

Will copied your chuckle, turning around to do a once over in his mirror. "What would I do without you?" He joked, but you frowned for a split second before shaking your head.

"Well, don't wanna keep the lucky date waiting, right?" You patted him on the shoulder, maybe a little too hard since Will rubbed his shoulder with a grimace afterwards.

"You are absolutely right. I'll be off then, night, love!" Will placed a quick kiss to your cheek, heading out of his house, leaving you alone with the ghost of the kiss lingering on your cheek. The innocent, and most importantly, friendly kiss.

You looked around the living room solemnly, looking to your feet to see the two pups you were trusted to take care of while the owner was out of his date. Welp, at least I have his dogs to share my misery with...

You had no idea how you let this happen. You've always seen Will as a friend, and nothing more. You've both hyped each other up when one of you scored a date. Will has seen you off to plenty of dates and never had a problem with it, so why couldn't you do the same for him?

Unbeknownst to you, Will actually has had similar feelings. He didn't know how it happened, but he developed strong feelings for you. He clearly knew you didn't feel the same, and he had to sit idly by as he watched you be in and out of relationships with people who weren't him.

He's never been one to get jealous, but he'd definitely be lying if he said he never was jealous of your partners. He wanted to be the one to hold your hand, he wanted to be the one to open doors for you, to be the one you smiled at when he wasn't looking. He decided to move on, even if it was the last thing he wanted. But his respect for you trumped his lust that he felt at the same time, he just wished he could turn his feelings off.

You decided to hole up in your apartment after Will came back from his date, the date that went "extremely well." The "he'd definitely be seeing this person again" date.

You couldn't say you were devastated, for obvious reasons. You didn't want to tell Will you had feelings for him, and you didn't want to be selfish. You always felt selfish nowadays.

You just felt like a burden.

It was hard hanging out with Will, always having to hear about his new partner, how they're so nice and kind and caring and apparently so fuckin' amazing...it made you want to vomit. It made you not want to hang out with him as much anymore, but thankfully, that decision was made for you. Will didn't have time for you anymore, he really wanted to make his relationship with this new person work, more than he wanted to keep your friendship strong, you thought.

Eventually, you just stopped trying to initiate conversations. Will would text you, all the time really, he'd just be too busy to see you. Between acting roles and sending time with his partner, you'd only be with him through text messages.

An epiphany struck you one day: you deserved better.

You knew you were right, and that's why it made your choice to painful. You had to cut ties with Will, but you had no idea how you'd do that without breaking down.

You took the coward's way out, at least, you thought it was cowardly.

You simply just stopped replying to his text messages. But once he started to text you messages like "can we talk?" you thought you might give him a chance. You said you'd do it tomorrow, then tomorrow turned into the next day, then a week passes, then a month. You stopped thinking about it, you didn't want to think about it, because every time you did, the urge to contact Will got stronger and stronger. You wanted to move on. You needed to move on. But, you never could get him out of your thoughts completely.

Months and months go by, and before you know it, it's Christmastime.

You'd decided to travel around after cutting off contact with Will, mostly just couch hopping with friends, exploring the area to get your mind off how heart broken you felt. It was a good distraction, for awhile. But now that Christmas was soon, you had to go back to your home town; you did miss your family quite a lot. But you did feel that similar anxiousness after coming back home, thinking about Will and the "what ifs." Will always loved spending time with his family during the holidays, and you knew he'd probably be in town.

Just going outside to check the mail was nerve wracking to you, but you chuckled bitterly at your paranoia, it's not like he was going to show up at your house out of the blue. He wouldn't do that.

Your family really wanted a Christmas tree, a real one. You tried to use your allergies as an excuse to just stick with an artificial tree, but your parents were dead set on having a real tree. It wasn't exactly a lie, you used to get real trees, you just couldn't be around one too closely or else you get into a sneezing fit. But you really just didn't want to be out in the town, just in case.

But your family dragged you along to help pick out a tree anyway, in the freezing cold.

You idly kicked some icicles that were formed on the bottom of tree branches, smiling subtly to yourself as you heard the crackle of the ice hitting the concrete. You looked over to see your family still trying to decide on what kind of tree they wanted, and you remembered how indecisive your folks were. You were gonna be there for awhile...

"Y/n?" As if you weren't freezing enough, the voice that you heard from beside you made a chill go up your spine, causing you to sink down more into your coat.

You looked to your left, unluckily for you, seeing your former best friend beside you, an unreadable expression on his face. "Will...? Uh, w-what are you doing here?" You weren't sure if it was the cold that made you stutter, or just the pure nervousness and almost fear that you felt.

Will uncomfortably shifted on his feet, taking a deep breath before answering. "My, uh, mum wanted to have a tree this year. I'm guessing yours did too?"

You nodded curtly. "Yep."

The awkward silence made you want to curl up into a ball and throw yourself off a cliff.

"We should probably talk." Will said.

"Uh," You nervously rubbed your hands together, "I don't think that's a good idea..."

"Why not?" He asked bluntly, his expression turning cold.

You sighed. "I...well, I have to help my parents get this tree so..."

"Fine. I'll come by later."

"Wait-"

"See you tonight." And with that, Will walked away in a hurry, not giving you the chance to refuse.

You bit the inside of your lip hard, a coppery taste coating the tip of your tongue when you explored the small dent in your mouth that you created from stress.

You figured this day would come soon enough. Karma's a bitch, as some say. You thought you'd have a bit more time to prepare yourself for a confrontation, but the universe decided to be a jerk and sucker punch you in the face with your regrets.

You went home, feeling like a knife was twisting in your gut as you helped your family set up your Christmas tree in the living room, constantly glancing at the clock every chance you could.

Eventually, your family decided to leave the house once more, having bought tickets to a play that night, which you politely declined to go to. You weren't interested in yet another retelling of the Christmas story acted out by little bratty children who couldn't remember their lines half the time. No, you have somewhat decent standards.

You just sat on the living room couch with your family pet, staring at the clock, seeing the hands move slowly until it finally reached nine o'clock. You untensed for a moment, thinking that maybe Will decided to not come over. The loud ring of the doorbell quickly squashed that idea.

You opened the door, not surprised to see Will on the other side, his cold expression unchanged from when you last saw him.

You said nothing as you moved aside, opening the door wider for Will as he walked in.

The air felt thick, like there wasn't enough oxygen for both of you to be in the same room. It felt similar to whenever you pulled your blankets over your head when you were little and afraid of the dark, thinking that nothing can hurt you if you were completely wrapped up in the comfort of your duvet, but never getting enough fresh air to keep those blankets over your head, eventually having to pull the blankets off to breathe. You really wished you had a blanket now...

"Well?" Will broke the silence, looking to you expectantly.

You shrugged slightly. "Well what?"

Will chuckled bitterly, shaking his head. "You know what, Y/n." When you didn't reply, he continued. "You stop talking to me all of a sudden, for months, not even telling me why. I need to know why, I deserve an explanation."

You sighed, looking anywhere but at him. "I just...needed some time away..." What a fucking lie...

"Some time away, really? That's your excuse? We were best friends, everything was fine, so what went wrong, huh? Why did you just up and leave everything behind without telling me?" You closed your eyes, trying to calm yourself as his voice got louder with every sentence. "Are you even listening to me? Do you hate me now, is that it? I don't know what I did, please, tell me." He pleaded.

"Will..." You whispered, finally looking to him to see unshed tears in his eyes. "it was me, not you. You didn't do anything wrong..."

Will stepped closer to you, his arms crossed. "Do you have any idea how much it hurt to be ghosted by the one person you thought cared about you the most? It really fucking hurt. And now, you're just standing here like you don't even care."

"I do care, Will." You said softly, reaching out to touch him but he quickly flinched away.

"Then why did you leave? I want the truth."

"I wasn't happy...with myself...with you." You started, walking over to take a seat on your couch. "I felt alone. You spent all your time with your partner, you rarely had time for me anymore."

"Wait, my partner?"

"Yeah...the beginning of this year, you started dating that person, I forgot their name..."

Will shook his head. "It didn't work out with them, I'm not seeing anyone, haven't for awhile. But that's not the point. Why didn't you just tell me that you felt alone? You know I would've made time for you if that's what you needed."

You felt like you wanted to scream, frustration starting to consume you, but you settled for a muffled groan. "It wasn't just because I felt alone..."

"Then what?"

Fuck it...

"Because I hated seeing you date other people. I absolutely hated it. And when you started gushing about how amazing this person was, I felt like I wanted to bash my head in with a hammer." Okay, maybe that was a little exaggerated, but you got your point across.

"You didn't want me to date other people?" Will's heart beat rapidly in his chest, just the thought of why you possibly felt that was making him anxious to ask, "Why?"

You were scared to answer, afraid of his reaction. What if he hated you? That would be the worst case scenario, you'd rather die than have him hate you. But, you did owe it to Will to tell him the truth. The unfiltered, honest truth.

"We've been friends for as long as I can remember. We always told each other everything." You smiled weakly. "We'd always be happy for each other whenever we went on dates and found people that made us happy. But...there was a point where I realized that no matter how many dates I went on with other people, I never truly found happiness in those people. Because, I always thought about someone else...you." You looked up at Will. "You've always been the one person to make me truly happy. And I finally figured it out, it's not because you were my best friend, it's because...you're the one I always wanted to be with, Will."

Will took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to take in your words. "That night, when I was about to go on that date, you weren't yourself. You looked sad..."

"I didn't want you to go. I wanted you to stay with me." You wiped away a few fallen tears with your sleeve, sighing tearfully. "I was being selfish...really selfish." You frowned.

Will carefully sat beside you, looking straight ahead. The red and green lights placed crookedly on the Douglas fir being one of the only light sources in the room, illuminating your tear ridden face and causing a reflective shine to Will's glassy sorrowful eyes.

"I had no idea." Will said, being the first one to break the silence yet again.

"That was kind of the point." You sniffled, curling your knees up to your chest.

"...I'm sorry."

You furrowed your brows, looking to Will in confusion. "Why are you sorry? I'm the only one who should be sorry."

Will shook his head. "No..." He laughed sharply, clenching his fists in his lap. "It's funny."

"What is?" You asked, trying not to sound offended.

"I've spend years trying to get over my feelings for you, and you tried to do the same. Guess I'm not as intuitive as I thought."

You silently gasped. "Will? You...? Huh?"

Will smiled weakly. "I only started dating other people because I was trying to push away my feelings for you, and of course, it didn't work."

"Will, if this is some joke-"

"It's not. Have I ever lied to you?"

"...no. You've had feelings for me this entire time? And I punished you for it..." You said as you felt the tears well up in your eyes again.

"No, Y/n, no. You had no way of knowing, just like I had no way of knowing how you felt about me."

"I'm so sorry, Will. I never should've left."

Will quickly grabbed a hold of your hand, bringing it up to his lips to place a gentle kiss on your knuckles. "You're here now. It's okay...we're okay."

"Can you ever forgive me?"

Will smiled softly. "Of course. I've never been able to stay mad at you for long."

You frowned. "What if I deserve it?"

"No. No, you don't. It's all going to be okay."

You took a deep breath, trying not to burst into tears again as Will pulled you close, wrapping his arms around you in a tight embrace. "What now?"

"Maybe it's too early to ask but...we could go on a date." Will chuckled weakly.

You looked back up at Will, trying to hide your growing smile. "Really?"

"If that's what you want."

You looked at the clock. "It's getting a little late, I don't think that many places would be open right now. We could go out tomorrow?"

"It's a date." Will smiled.

You sighed. "I really wish I would've talked to you about this instead of running away..."

Will shook his head, bringing his hand up to gently caress your cheek. "I shouldn't have raised my voice earlier. So now we both have something we regret. But it's okay, Y/n. I felt like running away quite a few times myself whenever you went out with someone else...or just hiring a hitman or something."

You laughed genuinely, playfully pushing Will's shoulder. "I think my family is gonna be home soon."

"That's my cue to leave, I take it?"

You pouted. "I don't want you to."

"Well, hey, we'll see each other tomorrow." He smiled.

You walked Will to your front door, frowning as he opened it. "I never used to be the clingy type with anyone."

Will turned around to face you, wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you in for a warm hug. "It's all going to be okay. We're gonna do this thing right."

You pulled away with a huff, looking deeply into his eyes. "I really want to kiss you right now." You giggled.

Will grinned, replying to your statement by leaning in, delicately brushing his lips over yours before fully placing them onto yours passionately. You could truthfully say that the kiss made you weak in the knees, it was everything you imagined it to be and more. It was intoxicating.

The kiss quickly got heated, and you didn't know if you'd be able to stop yourself. Will grabbed at your sides, trying to pull you even closer than you were already, eliciting a quiet moan from you when he gently pulled on the roots of your hair. But you finally forced yourself to stop, trying to catch your breath.

"Sorry." Will quickly apologized.

"I didn't want to stop." You snickered, running your hands through your now tangled hair. "We haven't even gone on our first date yet and I already want to rip your clothes off."

Will blushed and grinned. "Guess we'll just have to save it for tomorrow then."

"Tomorrow it is."

~~~~~~~~~

I had trouble writing this, if you couldn't already tell. Ugh, I have no idea why the reunion bit threw me off balance so badly

[berrymoos]

i hate baby jonny being sad and upset over will(;_;) it BREAKS MY HEART and after i finished reading him getting scared i couldn’t stop imagining what would happen if max had a nightmare :0

*getting the scene set up please standby*

ok so she’s at mike’s house and the whole party’s there including the older teens and they’ve had a movie bing, they’ve pigged out on junk food, they’ve been talking about everything and nothing and now they’ve finally gone to sleep with no problems, aside from steve having to sneak into holly’s room to steal her nightlight for jonathan, and everything’s good

she had stayed big the whole night and was having some lovely rest but then it all comes crashing back

she sees billy, the spider monster, el in terrible pain, the monster from the hospital, everything that happened that night, and she wakes up in a cold panic, scared and unfortunately little:(

she tries not to make a lot of noise while she silently sobs because it’s past midnight but steve knows when one of his babies is in trouble and wakes up in an instant

“ max, is everything okay?”

“ sorry stevie, i didn’t mean to wake you up”

“ that’s okay, do you wanna- *he’s cut off by max running from her spot next to lucas and jonny to his lap*

“ it was so scary stevie, i saw b-billy and the monsters and and…”

“ oh i’m so sorry sweetheart, how about a cookie, hmm? can a cookie cheer you up?”

“ m’kay, but can you hold me? i still scared”

“ of course! i’ll do anything to make my max happy”

*fast-forward to the kitchen*

“ chocolate chip or-

steve’s stops when he hears sniffles, sniffles he knows all too well

“ jonny? what are you doing up?”

“ max was gone”

“ no i not, i right here” *points to herself to make the point clear*

“ but not when i woke up:( me and ducky got scared”

“ well she’s here right now, she was upset that’s all”

“what!” *he and max are shocked because he never raises his voice unless he’s screaming* * even the paci falls out*

“ don’ be upset! i right here, i’ll make it better:) uppies?”

“ i don’t know buddy, i already have max..” but those eyes, those sweet eyes that break steve everytime

“ oh alright, c’mere”

now he has two babies in his arm, hugging each other with cookie crumbs on their face, when eddie and robin walk in

“ are you guys having cookies without me?”

“ that’s exactly what they’re doin’ robin, they left us out!”

“ no baby, not at all, you see max was upset and then jonny found out and one thing led to another and…”

let’s just say steve was up an extra two hours with all of them, having to squeeze his eyes shut so the puppy eyes won’t make him give them all more cookies（*＾ワ＾*）i swear if you tell lucas or nancy or will or uncle wayne about this midnight snacking…

max was happy, she had steve, her favorite friend in the whole wide world(minus el obvi) and robin and eddie to make her feel better and that nightmare was long forgotten

later steve asks her about it and she says she just can’t shake billy, he scares her to the core when she thinks about him flayed, and steve assures her that he and everyone else would always be there for her<3

nightly rambles while listening to hamilton is sm fun(>▽<)

baby jonny being upset over will is just. 💔he loves his wuh-wuh so much okay!!! AND NOW MAXIE W THE NIGHTMARE OH NO ｡･ﾟﾟ*(>д<)*ﾟﾟ･｡

steve could be in a deep REM sleep with the world around him absolutely dead to him & he would still be able to sense when one of his little ones are crying, regardless if it's silent or if he's in a different room. that's simply the mother hen in him coming out (*´˘`*)♡

when max climbs into his lap, crying about billy and the monsters and el being hurt, steve takes a moment to rock her gently, wiping tears from her eyes when she calms down. "cookies make everything better, yknow. do you want a cookie?"

"mhm .. hold me, tho, pease"

the gang actually baked a lot of different cookies earlier that night bc half of them were craving something sweet, but everyone couldn't agree on just two different kinds: there's chocolate chip, sugar, oatmeal (not oatmeal raisin), butter ... so many different kinds (≡^∇^≡) max is given the option of three different cookies bc who is steve to deny her that? (his initial bargain was 2 cookies but max said please & he caved instantly)

then jonny toddles into the kitchen, ducky in arms & paci in his mouth, eyes kinda teary bc he woke up & maxie and teeb were gone :((

"hey, bud! it's alright, maxie just had a nightmare–"

"maxie hadda nigh'mare?!"

just like max is ready to throw hands w jonny's nightmares, he's ready to chuck his stuffie at her's! how dare a nightmare make his friend upset! thankfully when his paci tumbles out of his mouth in shock it's caught by the paci clip attached to his shirt so it doesn't fall to the floor. max is like "it's okay! i okay, now!" & points to the cookies on the stove. "i'm getting cookies!"

jonny still wants uppies, just to make sure his buddy's doing extra okay ... and he also wants cookies ksndksnd & steve definitely can't say no to his sweet little eyes!! so he gets his three choice cookies, too!!

they end up having milk with their cookies, mainly bc steve wanted to dunk his chocolate chip cookie in some & the littles were like "oooo ... milk too, pease?" max gets chocolate & jonny gets angel milk, n they're all rlly content

then eddie & robin come toddling in side by side, awakened by the smell of freshly heated cookies, and they are so SCANDALIZED to find the three of them munching on cookies & milk WITHOUT them! they literally GASP & that's what catches everyone else's attention

"eddie! they're eating cookies without uuuuss!"

"that's no faaaaair!!" ･ﾟ･( ｡>д<｡)･ﾟ･

eddie's pouting so hard his cheeks r puffed out & robin's genuinely abt to cry bc she loves cookies so much — they're one of her favorite sweets — & to know there are three people eating them without her is such a horrendous crime to her little brain!! and if robin starts crying, eddie's gonna start crying, & his cries are loud so that's gonna make jonny cry bc he doesn't like loud noises, & that's also gonna wake other people up, & steve doesn't want any of that in the middle of the night \(;≡ω≡)

"hey, hey, it's okay! you guys can have some cookies too, there's enough for everybody! max was just upset, then jonny woke up and i couldn't leave him out while he watched max get her cookies, so..."

he lets the two of them have their top three choices & fixes eddie his chocolate milk; robin doesn't want milk, but she does want ice cream, so she gets a half scoop in a small bowl, & all is well again!

... until robin pulls out the puppy dog eyes for more ice cream and eddie copies her bc now he wants some ice cream, then max whips out the puppy dog eyes just to help them out bc she's a little menace at heart

"nope, nope, nope! you guys already had three cookies, and robin, you had ice cream!"

"pleeeeeeease, steviiiiiie?"

"n-no more sweets for the night, nuh-uh!"

"preeeeetty pleeeeease?"

"no more– n-no more sweets, nope...! no, no, no ... j-jonny, help a buddy out, here!"

jonny just giggles while he sips at the rest of his milk. " 'nother cookie for ducky, pease?" (ducky does not, in fact, want a cookie, jonny rlly thinks the other three ganging up on steve while he tries SO hard to stand his ground to puppy dog eyes is funny)

"oh dear god, not ducky too!"

he ends up caving and gives them their ice cream jonny a refill of angel milk, & a few bread crumbs for ducky instead of a cookie, but he put up a good fight — he stood his ground for a good 45 seconds 😭 "okay, that's IT! no more!"

okay, maybe no more sweets ... but now they want popcorn to even it out 🤭 "alriiiight ... but if you tell lucas or nancy OR will OR uncle wayne, they're going to have my head-" ESPECIALLY nancy; she's been teaching him how to stand up to the puppy dog eyes for forEVER now & he's still caving omg ,, the day he finally stands up to them will be a day of celebration

they pinky swear their secrecy. steve will not lose his head tonight!!

and two hours past midnight, after letting them munch on popcorn & a little bit of juice, then flipping on some tv at a low volume, they conk out again, all in a tangled pile of limbs <3

[airi-p4]

From above the stars - Chapter 5

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 |  Chapter 7 | …

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I'm sorry this took so long... I've been struggling at trying to make everything as realist as a I could, but then I thought: you know what? this is fiction! Whatever!

Thank you for your patience >_<

Chapter summary:

Marinette goes to meet Gabriel Agreste, only to be reminded of the kind of person he is.

AO3

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CHAPTER 5

Since Marinette recovered her senses at the hospital and her new life- a life without Adrien- started, it hadn't been easy for her to find a reason to wake up in the morning. Getting out of bed just to grieve her late boyfriend was something she hated. What Luka said about Adrien hurt her too, but she couldn't stop thinking about them. His words and his songs were what kept her alive when she had considered joining her boyfriend. ' Don't give up ', Luka had told her ‘ Live ’. And that became her sole mission in life.

It surprised her when an SMS arrived on her phone that morning- a device she hadn't touched since before the accident. She reached it, and it surprised her how her fingers remembered the lock screen code. She read the message showing on the screen:

" Miss Dupain-Cheng, I would appreciate it if you visited me this afternoon at the Agreste mansion. I'll be waiting for you. G.A."

Adrien's father… It was a privilege to be summoned by Gabriel Agreste. He never invited anyone over to his house. And even if Marinette felt that she would only be a nuisance for him, she knew she couldn't reject the invitation.

Marinette got ready to leave for the Agreste mansion. She wore a black dress with a black scarf, and a black ribbon tying her hair. Her bag and shoes complemented the look with the same color: all black- like a widow.

Gabriel received Marinette with his back facing her, as usual. But there was something different within the whole aura of the house: colder and lonelier. When the door closed, Gabriel turned and spoke to her.

"Thank you for coming, Miss Dupain-Cheng"

"Thank you for having me, Mister Agreste"

"Call me Gabriel", he said, and Marinette nodded shyly. "You may be wondering why I summoned you here… Well. My wife and my son are dead. I'm alone and I keep wondering why this had to happen… Nobody understands how I feel… Except you. I know how much Adrien appreciated you, and you're one of the few people that keep going to visit the cemetery, the only one that keeps going daily . I want to thank you for bringing happiness to my son until his very end"

"No- Mister I- I'm at fault too! I should have stopped him! I miss him so much…"

Marinette broke into a cry, something she wouldn't have imagined to do in front of Gabriel Agreste. Back in the days she was with Adrien, he constantly looked at her with cold judging eyes. Now, those eyes were different. Still cold, but with deep pain in his heart.

Marinette wasn't sure if she was dreaming: it was hard for her to believe Gabriel Agreste was hugging her and crying with her in comfort- like the father figure he never was for his son.

"Thank you for loving my son"

His words only made her feel even worse and lonelier. "I'm so sorry..." she repeated.

"It's not your fault, Miss…" he reassured, only to unleash a storm with his next words. "It's all those women’s fault, the ones on the other car! Why would they be there at that time of the night? They got in Adrien's way! If only they hadn't been there, Adrien would still be with us!"

Marinette gasped in horror at his words. His grip was getting stronger, even hurting her, but she was glad her pale face couldn't be seen from that position. She felt like she wanted to throw up at his words.

‘How could he blame Luka's sisters for the accident, when Luka was suffering so much? ’

She felt about to cry in sadness for the Couffaine's family, clearly understanding Luka's dislike towards Adrien's father. But he continued.

"It's those women’s fault, so don't blame yourself for it. The trial will favor me and clean our reputation, I'm sure of it."

"Trial…?" Marinette gasped at the idea of being called in court and having to recall everything once again. He ignored her question.

"You did well surviving. You're the last thing my son left here… I'd be delighted to have you visiting me from time to time, just like you visit my son"

"Thank you, Mister Agreste. I sincerely appreciate your offer", she said putting an act Gabriel didn't seem to tell apart.

"Farewell. Until next time"

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When Marinette arrived home she felt sick.

Gabriel Agreste being a horrible father wasn't new, but failing to accept reality and blaming two innocent victims for an unfortunate accident? It was too much. And it hurt her deeply to think of how Luka and his mother would feel if they heard Mister Agreste say that. She had hated it, so it was only natural they would hate it even more.

A trial… Did Luka know about it? She was scared to ask . She didn’t want him to suffer any more.

_________________________________________

The next day, she returned to the cemetery after skipping a visit for the first time since she was released from the hospital some weeks ago. Like every day, she bought flowers for three: Adrien, Juleka, and Rose. Everyday, she would go to Adrien's first, and spend some time telling him how she was doing, and then, go to the Couffaines’. Whenever they coincided there, they would always exchange greetings, she would listen to Luka's music- his way to express his feelings to his sisters- and talk a bit.

That certain day felt different. Seeing Luka smiling at her made her heart squeeze at being reminded of Gabriel's words. She felt like his accomplice and it felt horrible.

Luka noticed instantly something was off. "What's wrong? Something bad happened?" He asked.

"No. I mean- I-"

"You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to. You just look conflicted inside your heart. I was trying to help"

The calm and sympathetic smile on Luka's lips made her heart skip a beat, both in gratitude and regret for hiding what she knew. Ever since the accident, she had found in Luka an escape to release her fears, doubts, and pain. He was healing her soul and she… She was starting to feel better. She was starting to wish they could become closer. He had become someone very special to her in a short time. Someone she could empathize with.

Feeling how she felt towards him, Marinette couldn't hide certain information. "I went to visit Gabriel Agreste", she finally said.

"Oh. I see. It's logical. You're his son's girlfriend", he commented.

"No. That's not what worries me. He-" she bit her lip, hesitant. When Luka's eyes met hers, she lost half of her courage. She couldn't tell him everything- especially not what Gabriel said about his sisters. "He told me about a trial"

"Oh… I see…" Luka's expression turned sad.

"You knew?"

"Yes. It's partly my mother's doing. She has a strong sense of justice and she favors revenge when it fails. But knowing the justice and trials ' slow timings, I don't think it would start soon, probably not even this year", he strummed his guitar strings, mostly to calm himself down.

"Oh… I see…", she whispered, sad, and Luka didn’t fail to read her feelings.

"I'm sorry you'll have to go through remembering all that again… I tried to stop my mother, but she's very stubborn... I hope she withdraws the accusations. No one can bring my sisters back, anyway..."

"Yes…” she whimpered. ”Thank you for trying, Luka. It means a lot to me"

"I hope everything turns out well”, Luka said. He was sympathetic and hated to see people sad- especially people he cared about, like Marinette. “I have to go now. See you, Marinette"

Marinette hesitated a little, but she sympathized with him, thankful for his presence in her life. ”Ok… Thank you, Luka. Our meetings are the best thing of the day", she smiled, and he smiled back at her, tenderly.

“Mine too, Marinette. Mine too”.

Marinette blushed while Luka walked away and waved at her before disappearing through the cemetery main gate. The way her heart was throbbing whenever she was close to him was making her feel guilty. She was aware Luka had already an irreplaceable place in her heart and, maybe, the thoughts of him started occupying her mind more than Adrien’s. She felt horrible for failing her soulmate only a few months after his passing, but she was starting to take a step further and looking forward to living again. And feelings were something that escaped her control.

As she thought about Luka, she recalled something important: with no way to contact each other, their meetings could stop anytime. She suddenly felt scared. What would she do if he disappeared from her life too, like Adrien? She didn’t want to lose him.

[dianapana]

SasuHina Month 2020- Day 8

Day 8 -Funeral/Sleep is the Cousin of Death- Forever, for Eternity

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Mirror, Mirror -Part 4

Sasuke was looking at her with a weird expression, she in turn was stuck in place. Kiba opened the door to his house looking bored but he after noticing her he started smiling wide, he took a step forward and opened his arms like he was about to hug her. Before he could think about it Sasuke moved so he was between him and Hinata. He tried playing it cool like it was a simple mistake by nodding to Kiba and walking inside his house.

Hinata didn’t know why Sasuke did what he did but she was grateful; she was feeling weird after receiving all that information and wouldn’t have liked it if Kiba hugged her. Instead she smiled at him and followed Sasuke inside. Looking at the back of his neck made her want to cry, he was so close yet so far away; how was she even going to try to get closer to him?

“Let’s play some games guys” said Naruto as he and Kiba walked inside as well. Sasuke took a seat on the sofa and Hinata sat herself next to him as close as she could without it looking weird. The room was dimly lit by the tv on which the three boys were playing. They weren’t really talking so the only sounds were the shooting in the game which weren’t very loud. The sofa was comfortable, she was exhausted and the heath coming off of Sasuke in waves only made her feel drowsier. On instinct she moved even closer to him and laid her head on his shoulder. She didn’t even think about the action until he stiffened for a second. But he didn’t tell her to move so she didn’t.

She felt tense now, her heart was beating out of her chest. She almost regretted coming to Kiba’s house. Hinata wanted her other two friends to disappear she wanted to talk to Sasuke, hold his face in her hands and kiss him. To whisper her love against his lips. Hinata in her current life has never felt that way about anybody so the feeling was foreign but familiar at the same time. The memories felt like they were an old tale she heard rather than things she witnessed. The only thing that did feel real was Sasuke and her love.

“She fell asleep” Kiba whispered. Her eyes were indeed closed but she wasn’t sleeping; she was thinking and drifting in between sleep and awake.

“We should wake her up and take her home” Said Naruto; Hinata could sense the blond getting up; she half expected him to pick her up and move her to the car which is why Hinata opened her eyes. Naruto was indeed moving from his spot on the armchair towards her. She did not want him to touch her; she feared that touching someone else might make her memories go away. They came back when she touched Sasuke for the first time so they might go away.

“You’re up” Naruto smiled at her “It’s late and you’re tired obviously. Let us drive you home Hina” The Uzumaki had always been nice to her; he was one of the genuinely good people that exited in the world.

Hinata blinked her eyes a few more times pretending to rub the sleep away from her eyes but in reality, she just wanted to stay in that position next to Sasuke a few moments longer. She looked up at him and he was looking down at her. His black eyes looked red and his jaw was clenched. She had seen that look before; her husband’s eyes would flash red whenever she looked at him and took off her kimono.

Hinata from the past would pull the pins in her hair out as well and let her hair flow down her back; she’d walk towards where Sasuke was standing at the foot of the bed take his hands in hers and place them over her breasts. Her smile would be knowing and yet sweet. Sasuke refused to look at her naked body despite the heath in his gaze. They were yet to be married and Sasuke refused to break the traditions; the fact that he was in her room during the night was bad enough.

Sasuke looked at her in that moment, in Kiba’s living room; just as he did that time. He was holding himself back despite wanting to break free. Hinata almost moved to touch his face but Naruto talked and interrupted her thoughts.

“I’m sorry; I coerced you into coming not thinking about how tired you must be after work” The spell broke and Sasuke got up. “Let’s go” the Uchiha managed to squeeze those words thought his still clenched teeth.

The three waved to Kiba and walked out to the car. Naruto opened the door for her and she thanked her. She told Sasuke the way to her house; the drive wasn’t long since it was still in that neighborhood.

“Good night Hinata” Naruto said as she got out of the car; she smiled and waved at them but the car didn’t leave until she made it inside her apartment building. Once inside Hinata took the steps three at a time. Reaching her apartment, she ran to her room and picked up the mirror, mirror that now had much more value to her. After admiring it for a few moments longer she placed it on her nightstand just as gentle as she always did. The action made her smile. She used to do that a lot in her past life; Sasuke always laughed at her whenever he noticed how gentle she was with the mirror. With thoughts of her lover Hinata went to take a long shower before changing into her night gear.

Her thoughts kept circling back to Sasuke, to their children…she hadn’t thought about the two little angels before, it made her heart break. Would she ever see them again? The memory of their funeral, their tiny coffins filled her brain. Whenever she imagined them in the coffins, she never thought of them dead but rather sleeping. If she and Sasuke were to have children in this life would they be Hikari and Daisuke? Could she even name them that? Would it be like she was trying to replace the ones she lost? How did any of this work? Gosh the funeral was absolutely one of her worst memories. How she wanted to follow the people carrying their coffins; how she wanted to crawl into Sasuke’s so they could sleep forever together. Had she been buried next to them? Would she be able to find the cemetery they were buried in? Could she visit her children and pray for their peace and rest? Her beautiful babies were sleeping; that was all. They were sleeping.

What morbid and strange things to be wondering about; where you were buried in your last life. Had that been her only past life? Or were there others she couldn’t remember? By the way her brain kept spinning Hinata came to the conclusion that she might not be able to sleep at all that night so she went to her kitchen to eat some ice-cream and watch a movie, maybe try to push her thoughts to the side. Her bare feet made a pitter-patter sound on the hardwood floor of the living room. She did not reach the kitchen before there was a knock on her door.

Her eyes flew to the clock; it was past one in the morning already. She walked to the door and peeked through to see who was at her door. Her heart started beading faster; her feet were cold and her hands were shaking. Sasuke was on the other side. She hurried to open the door.

“We need to talk” Sasuke said and pushed his way into the apartment and closed the door.

They were alone, which was what she had wished for before, but she understood that Naruto and Kiba’s presence before had been a blessing in disguise. There was nobody there to stop her when her brain confused the present with the past; she was scared of what she was going to do.

Sasuke appeared to be in pain and that made her heart hurt in turn. He looked just like he did that summer day when they got married; his voice was the same, his skin was just as soft. The impulse to run to him and kiss him while tears ran down her face was too much for her to hold back so on shaky legs, she walked closer to him.

“Why did you come here?” she was in front of him when she asked that, his eyes weren’t harsh or pained anymore they looked tired.

“As I’ve said before we need to talk. I don’t know how to say this…” he looked over his shoulder to her couch. “Maybe we should sit down and talk?”

Seeing him shaken up made her feel brave. She smiled at him and took one of his hands and lead him thought the apartment but instead of going to the sofa she took him to her room.

“I think the living room would be better” His eyes were red again.

“I want to show you something before that” She said and let go of his hand. Sasuke was standing awkwardly in the middle of her room and she went to her nightstand to get the mirror. Would he know what it was? If he didn’t come here to tell her he remembered their life together she could simply say she bought the mirror and it had his name on it, what a weird coincidence right?

“The love of my life gave this to me a long time ago” Hinata told him and showed him the mirror. His expression was devastated.

“You remember” Sasuke whispered as he traced one rose with his finger.

“I do” She confirmed and took the mirror and put it back.

“I had hoped you wouldn’t.” He said coming behind her and hugging her. His lips were next to her ear “I had wished you didn’t” he kissed her temple.

“Why?” Hinata asked and turned around in his arms to look at him. Sasuke caressed her cheek with her thump and then ran it over her lower lip. He was slowly closing the gap between their lips when he started talking again.

“I didn’t want you to remember my death, our kids’ death. It’s not fair Hina” their lips were brushing over each other’s as he spoke “I can hear them screaming Hina, asking me to help them because their little bodies were burning and the buildings were falling around them. I remember the feeling of burning alive and only thinking ‘I hope she never sees us’” Both of her cheeks were wet by tears.

“You were all sleeping; never dead just resting your eyes for a moment” She whispered.

“Tell me love” his voice was lower.

“Tell you what?”

“Tell me how you cried for us for a while and then moved on with your life and lived happily ever after” Sasuke was looking at her face but her eyes were closed. He placed a soft kiss on each of her eyelids. Hinata opened her eyes and shook her head, the smile on her face was a sad one.

“I cried for you for 2 weeks” Sasuke nodded “And then I killed myself” her confession was raw. Their whole conversation felt like it should not be happening; they should not be able to remember the horrors of their own deaths. Sasuke was right; it would have been better had they not remembered.

Sasuke made a pained noise in the back of his throat after hearing what she said. They were hugging and crying, mourning each other in their past life, mourning their life that was cut way too short, mourning their children.

“I’m sorry for the pain caused. But I’m here now, we’re both here now and we’ll be together forever. We’ll always find each other and end up together. We’ll spend the rest of eternity together or looking for each other.” Hinata nodded. They would, they could not live without each other; her suicide was proof of that, the fact that in her actual life she had never been interested in anybody before laying her eyes on Sasuke was proof of that, the mirror finding her and trying to force her to remember was proof of that. Their love would never die. It would only sleep from time to time before they’d meet again and it would be woken up, only to be more intense than ever before.

[valkyrieofsmut]

Captive Love 6

UF!Sans x Reader (or Frisk if you wanna)

Summary: Somebody is a cuddler, and somebody's body likes it more than their brain wants them to...

A/N: Just about 1800 words of them waking up in the morning because I can. And who doesn't want to read about accidental sleep cuddling and what happens after?!

Masterlist      Series Masterlist

Story

Another morning panic.

(Y/n) slowly and groggily drifted into the bleary world of the waking. 

She was laying on one side, her top hand loosely around the edge of the bed, her top knee the same, giving her something to anchor herself with, while her other arm was almost trapped beneath her, and her other leg was straight down, making at least a small obstacle for if a certain someone tried to get too close to certain places. 

She was instantly wide awake, though, as she was suddenly dragged backwards the few inches between her and that person's body, her fingers slipping easily from the edge of the bed they hadn't been ready to hold on to, and was now flush against his front. 

His voice was hushed, deep and husky from sleep, muttering inaudible words against her neck as he nuzzled there. The arm under her held her against him, the one on top slowly trailed over her, his bony palm sliding over her stomach, down, dangerously close to the spot she was trying to keep him away from, up, making circles over her ribs, down to her thigh, pulling her leg against him. 

(Y/n) crossed her ankles and tightened her thighs, pressing them as close together as possible, as her eyes widened and she felt her heart trip over itself in restrained fear. 

He didn't try to pry them apart, though, which was good! ...but his pelvis was cradling her hips, and he was grinding against her ass, just a tiny bit. 

Stop- stop him! Her brain cried. Move! Make him stop! Don't let him think he can get away with this!  

She didn't know what to do. 

She couldn't roll away. 

He was too strong to just push him off of her… 

Sans' hand slid a little towards the inner part of her thigh, and her hand caught his, pushing to keep it from delving between her thighs. It instead slid back up to fondle her hip, his muttering against her neck getting a bit huskier. 

Automatically, (Y/n) threw her elbow back, connecting weakly to his ribs. She did it a few more times, awkwardly throwing her elbow back, sure she wasn't doing any real damage. But it was something, and the effort seemed to appease her brain.

It appeared that she was annoying enough to stop, though, since Sans' hand went to hers, grabbing it and taking it to his other to hold it. 

A shot of minor panic hit (Y/n)'s belly. Now she had no hands. Now what? N-now what-  

NOW WHAT?! 

Hold yourself together, she told herself, that's what. Chill. Observe. Escape. Calm the fuck down. Don't make things worse. 

(Y/n) took a breath and steadied her nerves, assessing her situation. 

Somehow she could tell that Sans was honestly asleep this time, not just pretending. Maybe it was the difference in the movements his body made against her. Maybe it was the mumbling nonsense against her neck. Maybe she could just sense that his consciousness was missing or inactive or whatever. 

She felt calmer. For some reason, knowing that he wasn't consciously holding her against her will made her feel better. 

Not that it made anything he was doing ok! No! It just made it more innocent, like he was sleepwalking or something, not in control of his actions, doing something he'd never normally do. 

She just had to wake him up and he'd stop. 

(Y/n) took a breath and let it out to further calm herself, then kicked back with her foot, connecting with his thick shin bone. She could tell he was displeased from the grumble he let out. She kept kicking, ignoring the pain in her heel, until he let out another grumble and moved his leg away, swinging it over hers and pinning them. 

And, honestly, she couldn't really blame him; she'd been hitting and kicking him. If someone had been doing that to her, she would have made them stop, too, if she could. But… 

Oh fuck… 

She pushed down the panic rising in her- only to find that… with his warm breath blowing over her neck and his strangely warm body pressed against her, his free hand resting in the dip of her waist, his fingers trailing lazily over her side and belly, there was none. Even when his pelvis pressed against her again, no panic. 

That fact made her start worrying a bit, though… 

A small, rough groan brushed her neck, followed by something warm and wet that made her skin tingle. 

His tongue- that was his tongue trailing softly along her throat. 

Those were his teeth that nipped her sensitive neck and made her gasp. 

Those were his teeth again, nipping at the back of her shoulder. 

And those , stiff, pointed little buttons… those were her nipples… 

That shiver that ran through her belly… that was her body reacting, like the traitor it was. 

Pleasure starved double crosser… 

His pelvis rocked and pressed against her again, and she felt her cheeks heating, though it took a moment to realize that the strange tickling buzz in her sinuses had been a moan, even if no noise was able to make it out. 

Fuuuck- fuck! Ok- she really needed to get out of his arms! 

She was debating trying to buck him off of her and possibly stirring more passion, versus trying to headbutt him and getting a headache, but didn't have the chance to act before a snort followed by a sad attempt to clear a throat sounded at the back of her shoulder. 

(Y/n) decided that playing dead, at least for a moment, was the best course of action, if only to truly test his morals. 

"mmmm- taste good…" he mumbled after his tongue reached out again. "hmmmm-" he cut off, suddenly stiffening as he took in their positions. "shit," he breathed. 

Slowly, he moved, and she could feel him checking her status. She stayed limp and it seemed to convince him she was still asleep. 

Sans slowly pulled away, climbing from the bed and leaving the room. 

ya stupid fucker! Sans silently berated himself in the hallway, his face twisted in a grimace. she's a'ready scared a ya! flinches every time ya touch her an' she's not ready, every time ya talk too harshly- ya don't need ta be makin' it worse!  

He hated himself in that moment. Self hatred definitely wasn't a new thing to him, but the reason for it being scaring someone- a human especially- was something he'd never experienced before.

Sans thumped his fist to his head soft enough that it didn't do any real damage, then went back into his room. 

He slowly and carefully climbed into his bed, sliding one arm under (Y/n)'s body, the other going over, but keeping them in safe places this time as he held her close. 

He knew he shouldn't. 

He knew that having (Y/n)'s sweet, soft body against him would make him lose his mind. 

He also knew that she'd hate him if she found out how much he was coming to need to hold her close against him.

She'd especially hate him if she found out that he could take her home at any time. That he'd basically lied about the possibility of being spotted on the way to the house. 

To be fair, it wasn't impossible that they had been seen then, if any monsters felt brave enough to get that close to the skeleton brothers claimed land, but it was so unlikely that he could say with confidence that they hadn't been. 

And, despite what he'd seen of her conflict avoidant nature, she'd probably want to kick his ass if she found out that the only reason any of the monsters were interested in looking for her was because he'd pretty much straight out told them there was a human in the town. 

He was such an asshole…

But, the thought of his sweetheart leaving filled him with panic, his soul squeezing and twisting painfully until it made him do stupid, reckless, irrational things, just to keep her close. 

(Y/n) felt Sans squeeze her against him gently, and wondered what was going through his head. He seemed distraught for some reason. 

Was it because he'd realized what he'd done in his sleep? 

She hadn't heard his brother speaking, so it probably didn't have to do with him… 

"hey, doll, ya 'wake?" He asked softly. 

"Mmmm- mhmm…" She hummed, pretending that she'd woken up at just that moment, managing to actually make the noise. She felt triumphant; her voice was starting to come back! 

Sans was quiet for a moment. "you, uh- ya did real well eatin' paps' lasagna las' night… took it like a champ…" He murmured the praise softly, like it was something he either wasn't used to doing, or was afraid someone would hear it. "i, uh, i 'preciate it…" 

(Y/n) felt her face contort in confusion. He appreciated that she'd eaten his brother's awful lasagna? 

Huh? 

That was… a weird thing to be thankful for… 

She lifted a shoulder to show it wasn't a big deal, then tried to whisper, getting out, "...nks f...r ...e sm...ll piece." 

He chuckled into her neck, and she thought she felt him doing something that might have been nuzzling her hair. "'s no problem, sweetheart. 'll have ta ta- uh, bring ya somethin' from grillby's some time," he told her, stumbling at saying he'd take her.

It was too dangerous to take her out anywhere without obvious and very strong signs that she belonged to him as property; a burn, a mark, some kind of scar… Or something like a collar. 

He shuddered at the thought. 

He didn't want to do that to his sweetheart. 

Collars were usually used to say that the one wearing them was used in any manner their owner felt the desire to, and there was nothing the one wearing the collar could do about it.

The thought alone, along with his own memories, made him sick, though some monsters weren't quite so vicious to their pets as they made it seem.

"S...ns," she rasped out. 

Mmm, stars , he couldn't wait to hear her say his name when her voice was fully recovered. 

"S...ns," she tried again, patting his arm. 

"wassup, sweetheart?" He asked, rubbing his cheek against her hair. It was so soft… He wanted to run his phalanges through it and tug. 

Not hard! Just enough to see what her reaction would be. 

“L...t m… g…?” She asked, tugging at an arm to get her point across. 

“oh, yeah, course, doll,” he told her. He took his time, shifting around to take longer to pull away, his arm drifting over her side and down her hip as it moved away, but he did let her go. F

A/N: Someone asked, "what if reader has kinks?" I also found a prompt and wrote a UF!Sans drabble.

[your-rose-highness]

Tell me what is Love (ch- 7)

Chapter 7

Note: Feat JB of GOT7

It was 5 am when the sound of the door opening startled her. She scurried out of bed, last night’s memories flooding her senses all of a sudden. Jaebeom spotted her near the bedroom and said a weak hello, “you can go back to sleep, I’m just here to pick up some clothes for Jae in.” He didn't seem to know where her clothes would be and hankered around the place for a bit when hye hee decided to help him.

“Her clothes are here. Would you like me to?”

“Ah! Yes, thank you.”, he said relieved.

Hye hee found a pair of Jane’s favorite boyfriend jeans that she often said were ‘better than boyfriends.’, the softest tee shirt, and some inner wear packed in a bag. Jaebeom seemed more than just thankful for it.

After he left, hye hee decided to shower and charge her phone which was dead since last night and she hadn't had time to look at it. Turning on the faucet, she stood still in the shower for a while, letting her warm water run its course. It relaxed her muscles and cleared her head. Warm showers always did wonders. Her relaxation time was cut short when her stomach grumbled and she was overcome with a terrible hunger pang. Getting out of the shower, she hastily borrowed the yellow pajamas that jane kept at home for her whenever she decided to stay over. Hye hee had jane dedicated pajamas at her place too. The familiar smell made her smile.

Quickly skimming through Jane’s fridge, she realized that the only thing that didn't look questionable was the box of kimchi jane’s mother always sent her- always two, for hye hee as well. She decided to make some kimchi stew for the three of them. She cooked rice expertly at this point and cleaned the kitchen.

“I should get Jane some groceries. The girl would starve herself.”, she thought to herself.

6.30 am. Jaebeom and jane should be back soon. She switched on her phone to call jane to find out when she saw.

Missed Calls- 22; Messages-36.

Baekhyun had been calling her since last night, last at 4.10 am.

Should she call him? Or ignore his calls altogether? Maybe he found out about the attack? Or did Suho show him the fan’s tweet?

Her thought was cut short when she heard ruffling outside. They were home.

Jane was okay. Complained occasionally of a throb on the head once in a while. They had breakfast and the two were more than thankful.

“I couldn't have swallowed that dirty water they called soup anymore.”, jane groaned.

“You had it ONE time.”, Jaebeom scowled at his sister.

“Oh! Look at him!! I’m a patient.” she dramatically said, at which Jaebeom rolled his eyes.

The siblings’ bickering was a welcome change for Hye Hee. After helping Jane into her bed, hye hee decided to go home.

Jaebeom rushed out, “I’ll drop you home.”

“Umm. it’s fine Jaebeom…”

“Look, you’ve done a lot for us and honestly I need to make sure you get indoor safe…”, he said, grabbing his keys, “I won't take no for an answer. Cmon.” he replied when Hye hee was about to counter.

The morning sun hit their faces and Jaebeom’s features were more clear than ever. The bags under his eyes were evidence of how tired he was. 

His skin glistened like gold and his eyelashes were longer than hers. Why do men always have better skin?

Baekhyun’s pretty hands were always Hye Hee’s source of envy. The dork always showed off his hands in front of her and purposefully borrowed her hand cream in class.

They arrived soon and Jaebeom was kind enough to walk her to her door.

“Alright! All clear.”, he smiled.

“Please come in. I’ll get you a coffee quick.”

“Oh. I don't drink coffee.”

“Ah! I have a collection of teas!”

“Oh? Haha. maybe I’ll come in because I’m intrigued.”

She opened her tea cabinet and left him to hove and choose.  She quickly went to her bedroom to drop her bag when she felt something weird. Her heart began pounding hard against her chest. Had those people who came earlier found their way in? She found herself coiled in fear as she quietly stepped back out. Her actions didn't go unnoticed, and Jaebeom asked in a voice, soft as a whisper, “what is it?”

“I think someone was here.”

“Was something taken?”

“No.”, Hye hee replied starkly.

“You’ll stay at Jae in’s. Let’s go.”, he said hurriedly, going back into the bedroom to get her bag.

He had barely opened it when on the other side of the door stood Baekhyun. His hair crumpled and eyes were still half shut.

Jaebeom’s lips parted in surprise and turned to look at hye hee.

“Baekhyun? What are on earth are you doing here?”

Baekhyun didn't answer, his eyes zeroing on Jaebeom, “Who is this?”

Jaebeom snapped out of his surprise and quickly bowed to greet him. “Hello, I’m Hye Hee’s friend.” 

Baekhyun’s expression turned grave, as though betrayed. Sensing the tense air, Jaebeom excused himself.

“If Jae in needs something, please don't hesitate to call.”, she whispered to him as he left.

He nodded hurriedly, “Stay safe, Hye Hee.”

“She’s fucking safe. Don't act as if you know what kind of relationship we share.”, baekhyun yelled from across the room.

“Baekhyun, please! What is wrong with you? I’m so sorry Jaebeom. He must have been worried.”, hye hee apologized sheepishly before sending him off.

Hye hee and baekhyun faced each other and baekhyun marched to the couch.

“Get out.”

“Why didn't you answer my calls?”, baekhyun questioned.

“I don't have to answer your calls you know! I have my own life!”

“I know! I’ve never trespassed your life. I only wanted to know how the interview went. I called you the whole fucking day, Song Hye Hee! Are you telling me you didn't have a minute to just let me know? What kept you so busy, huh?”

“So that gives you the authority to break into my house?”

“I was worried about you. And who the hell was that? You always said you didn't allow men inside your apartment.”, baekhyun asked, at this point, his ears and face had gotten very red.

“I don't have to tell you anything.”, hye hee said in a low voice. She walked over to the kitchen and put the kettle on.

“What did you say? Are you dating him? Really hye hee?”, he had followed her into the kitchen. The proximity made her heartbeat crazy once again.

Calm the hell down, Song Hye Hee, she told herself.

“Why can't I? Did you expect me to stay alone all my life?”, she shot, turning to face him.

They stood inches away from each other. The air around them felt heavy and they found it hard to breathe. The effect that they had on the other was still intact.

Baekhyun felt his hand twitch, aching to just hold her hand, be able to pull her in his arms, or even better, kiss her like how he had done years ago to show her what he had felt.  Hye hee could feel his piercing stare on her. She met his eyes for a drifting moment and it was there. Baekhyun was in pain. She saw it etched across his eyes. As their eyes found each other, it felt as though the air between them was sucked away and they found themselves lean into each other for a brief moment when the boiling kettle whistled. 

Both of them turned away from each other, breathing, as though they had forgotten to.

She stirred Baekhyun’s matcha tea as she finally gathered the courage to say, “I’m not taking the SM job.”

“Why?”

“It’s dangerous. People might find out about us. It’ll create chaos for both. I don't need that.”, she said blankly. “Also, where were you hiding? I didn't you in the bedroom.”

“I was sleeping beside the bed… on the floor.”, he mumbled.

“Why? Now my bed doesn't match your international standards?”, she asked, disgusted.

“NO. I just thought you wouldn't want me to be on your bed.”

Hye hee rolled her eyes at him and proceeded to hand him his cup of matcha.

“I like that coffee you made me last time.”

“Well, drink this today.”

“Ugh. no. its too ugly.”

“Hey, you said you liked matcha tea when you went to Japan two months ago and were considering to shift!”

“But that was made by professionals…. This only looks like you are giving me something super toxic!”

Hye hee was now furious and stood up to snatch the cup from his hands.

“I’ll drink it, don't be so crazy. You don't even have the right to be mad. Coming home in the morning with your boyfriend..”, he scoffed softly against the cup.

“I don't think you should come here anymore.”

Baekhyun stared at hye hee, his face scrunched with surprise. “What, because of that dude? How long have you been dating him? Also, he didn't seem surprised to see me. Did you tell him about me?”

“Jaebeom has nothing to do with this. But it’s best if you and I keep a distance. Taeyeon wouldn't like this if she knew.”

“Why are you saying this? Is that guy possessive? Well, then you got to break up with him right away.”

Hye Hee was torn between wanting baekhyun to love her and also wanting him to stay out of trouble from the public eye. For the first time she wished he wasn't an idol, wishing he didn't ever meet Taeyeon, never had a baby with her; yes, she had to think about Sarang as well, would she steep that low and destroy a child’s life because of just her emotions and attachments with Baekhyun.

“You know how I feel.”, Baekhyun hesitated, taking a seat next to her.

“If I could, I’d do anything to be by your side right now. But, I really don't know how or what I should do.”, he continued, tugging at his hair in despair.

“Hye hee consoled him without a word. She placed her hand on his shoulder, patting, knowing very well that it wasn't easy on him either.

“I tried. I tried to make things better with Tae, but I don't know why it’s just not the same. There’s a distance I can't seem to overcome. At times I feel like this relationship is choking me. Every morning there’s a dread in my heart. Doing the same things, just out of love, and I’m pretty sure it’s the same for her. We hardly talk, only on matters concerning Sarang do we ever feel like we’re married. I want to quit, hye hee.” he sobbed unable to control the rush of emotions.

What hye hee was now sure of was, this was more than just her. Baekhyun was in a terrible state, not just because he wanted to stay with her, that was secondary. This was about him being growing tired of pretending. Byun Baekhyun, the sunshine of many all through his life was seeing no light at the end of the tunnel. He was lost and chained with responsibilities and that was killing the person he was.

“I come looking for you because I can breathe here. You're home to me. My old friend… my love.” he sniffled, his voice broke as he looked at her.

“It’s hard for me to carry on every day without seeing you. I came looking for you even when you didn't know. I knew about the cafe you went to and would sit there for hours waiting for you. I didn't know why then. I just had to.”

“Why did you continue living with her then?”, she queried.

“I was… I was afraid to lose another person. When you left me, I couldn't register what had happened and we had just debuted, that had me working 20 hrs a day. Its when I stopped running I realized the void you left behind and what a fool I had been for gambling something so pure.”

They sat silent for a while, registering what happened.

“Is that your boyfriend?”, he asked suddenly.

“No. that’s jane’s brother. Why?”

“If you want me to stay away, I will. I can't be a bother for you too.”

“Shut up and sit. Did you have breakfast? Of course, you didn't, you just woke up.”

“Can I have that peanut butter sandwich and that glass of hot chocolate, please?”, he spilled.

“What! Byun!”

“Please! Such a good combo.”

“Alright. Go wash your face, you look all red.” she avowed.

Pulling out the bread from the cabinet, she walked to the fridge when a booming voice made her jump.

“Ah!! What a relief to let all of that off my chest!!!”, Baekhyun screamed. 

“Byun!! Keep your VOICE DOWN!”

[shirtlesssammy]

15x02: Raising Hell

Then:

Cousin Oliver’s Cousin Oliver makes his grand entrance, and we love him

Now:

The ghosts of Harlan, Kansas are contained, and most of the townsfolk are corralled in the high school 5 miles away. One daring resident, Nan, decides to check out things herself, and armed with nothing but her pashmina scarf, she scouts the town. Her neighbor, Rob, is there and, let me say, if he was that much of a weirdo in life, I would have moved across the country to get away from him. EEEk. 

*Gratuitous Buckleming Bullshit Alert*

Nan is stabbed repeatedly by the ghost possessing Rob. And then the ghost makes a spelling bee funny. 

And we laughed and laughed. 

At the high school, Cas worries that they’re benzine cover story isn’t going to last much longer. One woman already disappeared. Chief!Sam steps up and makes an inspiring speech to the frustrated townspeople.

It’s kinda awkward? I think Sam is nervous about leading (and it breaks me a little to think about the trauma that he’s processing when he made this decision to lead again.)  

FBI!Dean and Belphegor are patrolling the perimeter of the ghost circle. We learn that the ghost in the opening is Francis Tumblety, a.k.a. Jack the Ripper (*Boris puts on Sam Winchester nerd glasses*: No one actually knows who Jack the Ripper was, and he’s not “cool” Dean. Anyway, go read The Five, y’all.) 

Some vigilante townspeople decide to take matters in their own hands and make a plan to go back to their houses. 

*First Quarterly Meeting of the Harlan Ghosts Alert*

Francis Tumblety, President, opens the meeting with an announcement that they were all kicked out of Hell by God himself. Is it just me or did Hell make all these former people WAY dramatic, like they’re all taking part in a small town theater production? 

Two of the vigilantes sneak past the quarantine zone barrier and are almost immediately greeted by two ghosts. Wherps. 

Our favorite witch, Rowena, interrupts Sam and Cas arguing about how to handle the restless townsfolk. Rowena throws her usual love towards Castiel. I think Cas is getting used to it. (And way to deflect your real desire to just chit chat with Sam, Rowena.) Sam asks Rowena about building another soul bomb. They need something to collect the ghosts in.

Before too much flirting can happen, they’re interrupted. There’s a situation. 

Sam rushes to Dean and Belphegor. They’ve found the two possessed townspeople. Sam starts talking to them like they were just totes normal staring at them. Their eyes start bleeding black goo and our intrepid heroes realize they’re possessed. Francis Tumblety pops up and demands to be released. The people possessed are tortured from the inside --and Sam and Dean just stand there. Shoot the ghost, dudes! Make him go away! Ah, that’s for HERO Ketch to do instead! Yay, Ketch! (I feel dirty just writing those words as a joke, and will now burn both my computer and my fingers for typing them.) 

Back at the high school, the brothers discuss the AMAZING and COMPLETELY HELPFUL appearance of Ketch. Ugh. Rowena asks Sam for a Scotch (I mean, she says “Dear”, that’s Sam, right?) Ketch tries to set things right with the witch, but she “hasn’t forgotten” their past. (KILL HIM, QUEEN). 

Ketch learns that Jack is dead and now we’re Team Belphegor. It seems that Ketch has been tasked with assassinating Belphegor. Awkward. 

Meanwhile, in Reno, Amara’s living her best life. She’s getting a massage, when her derpy asshole brother makes an appearance. (Sidenote: I’m supposed to hate Chuck, but wtf? I can’t hate Rob! It’s physically impossible to not be charmed. Aagh. Oh, wait, he liked the ending to Game of Thrones. BURN HIM. But seriously, that’s some lovely shade, and it renews my faith that they’re going to stick the landing with Supernatural.) 

Cas has to handle customer service for a bit, and quite frankly, he’s a fucking saint. 

Rowena and Dean talk ingredients for her soul bomb spell, and Dean plays matchmaker for her and Sam! Specifically, he tells her to “find another boy toy” when she asks about Ketch, but she was just asking to learn what’s the best angle for killing him. Dean doesn’t know that though. Dean might be going through a messy break-up but he’s still making sure his brother is happy. 

*DEANCAS ALERT*

Cas finds Dean in a room. Cas makes an awkward sports reference (HE’S JUST TRYING TO FIT IN, DAMNIT --also, I like to think he’s trying to throw a little levity into their awkward exchanges.) Dean’s pretty mad, and I’m pretty sure I read a few dozen coda fics with this exact dialog last week, lol. Dean’s mad about everything --his whole life has been a lie. Cas bites back, angry about Chuck killing Jack, but he makes it clear to Dean that what they’ve done over the years isn’t a lie. 

Dean can’t believe they’ve ever had a choice in anything. Brb, crying in the corner. I’ll just leave this here for now:

Cas: Dean, you asked, “What about all of this is real?” We are.

(I can’t find it now but someone on sm compared this to “You idiot. You asshole..” and I am compromised.)

Later, Dean and Ketch walk the perimeter. Dean gives Ketch an iron chain to wear to keep ghosts away. They head to a Meat Packing warehouse, where the F in Dean’s FBI jacket disappears. Wherps. Ketch gets tossed around a bit, AND I’M HERE FOR THIS. Dean gets tossed a bit too so, no thank you. A voice tells the ghost to back off. KEVIN!

Dean tries to wrap his brain around Kevin, who was unfortunately sent to Hell instead of Heaven by good ol’ Chuck. Kevin reports that the barrier is fading, so they’re running out of time. He also boasts that he has a “bad boy rep” in Hell. You do you, I guess? 

Chuck continues to be THAT GUY, hanging out in Amara’s hotel room and channel surfing. She tries to do yoga. 

When he tries to convince her to jet off to another dimension, she refuses. “I am running a hot streak in craps. I like Reno. Everyone here is so not…you.” Amara senses that Chuck is…off. When she discovers his injured shoulder, she tells him that he’s weak and afraid. 

Sam and Dean (and bonus Belphegor) assess the state of the barrier. Belphegor insists that the Winchesters can’t just shuttle Kevin off to Heaven. Once he’s been in Hell, he’s destined to stay there. (Can I just say, we’re basing this all off the word of a hinky demon? So IS this really canon truth, is what I wanna know?) (Boris: That wasn’t true for Bobby?)

In Reno, Chuck touches his bullet wound and hisses in pain. Sam cries out at the same time. Oof, TIED TOGETHER. Sam lies to Dean and tells him that he’s feeling better. Dean does his best inquisitive face.

The ghosts, meanwhile, are still hanging out in their weirdly vanilla home base. I can’t believe nobody’s painted viscera on the walls yet! Other Colonel Sanders stalks around, grandstanding about the failing warding and their plan to attack the weak points. Kevin flashes in. Our dear Kevin tries to act tough, but gets bullied by a bigger…ghost. (Suggestion: a ghost’s power isn’t inherently proportional to their size in life, but to their intelligence and mastery of their ghosty powers.) But WHATEVER the big, bully ghost puts a halt to Kevin’s plan to infiltrate the group pretty much immediately. 

Rowena flirts (apparently, ugh) with Ketch while mixing potions in a science classroom. 

As much as I love and support Rowena and want her to GET SOME whenever she damn well pleases, I find Ketch to be a tool through and through. It’d be different if she wanted something from him but…alas. There they are. They flirt with awkward magic versus science innuendo. Ketch strips a plug and jolts her potion. (Boris and I wander off, our hands shielding our eyes in second-hand embarrassment.) 

 Rowena races through the neighborhood with her soul trapping bespelled crystal. Other Colonel Sanders zaps in. He once had a relationship (ReALly?) with her and is appalled that she’s working for the Winchesters now. Ketch pops up and shoots the ghost while Rowena runs off. As Ketch stares off in the distance feeling very smug, the ghost zaps in behind him and knocks him out.

The Winchesters head in to the very beige suburban home to talk to the ghosts. Other Colonel Sanders threatens to kill Kevin, then sticks his hand in Kevin and starts to suck away his soul. Um. Okay, is this a ghost power now? Or is that how demons are made? Rowena uses that moment to suck several ghosts into her crystal, but it’s not enough. She’ll have to catch them one by one, practically. Kevin tells them about the barrier-busting plan, and they head out to survey it. 

The ghosts manifest as little red balls of flame as they hit the barrier. Dean shoots at them like he’s playing a carnival game and is DESPERATE for the red cowboy hat at the top of the booth. Shooting them one by one is pretty fruitless, so Rowena’s called to the plate. Ketch escorts her to the front and I kinda want to punch him as he gestures for her to go ahead. Like, go eat a lemon and die, Ketch. 

Rowena lets loose her ghostbuster ray and starts sucking in ghosts (through…the barrier?) but Ketch knocks her out. It turns out, he’s ghost-possessed! Sweet Dean Bean’s out of salt rounds and Ketch has the crystal now. He boasts about its power and how it’ll be the most perfect thing to break the wall. Dean shoots Ketch, knocking the ghost out of him, and Rowena sucks ‘em in.

Later, Ketch is getting loaded up into an ambulance (glad to see these random first responders are helping out right at the border of this freak gas leak). Cas tells Sam quickly that he tried to heal Ketch, but failed. Ruh roh, Cas! 

Dean holds a conciliatory conversation with Ketch (to sad music) while Ketch gets hauled away. Ketch exchanges mournful glances with (EXHAUSTED SIGH) Rowena. Dodged a bullet there, Rowena. 

Dean and Sam bid farewell to Kevin, who believes Belphegor’s line about Heaven’s no admittance policy. Kevin’s going to wander the world as a restless spirit, rather than head back to Hell. Belphegor zaps the warding, opening up a door-sized hole for him to go through. See you soon, we hope! 

For Kevin Looks FINE Science:

Back with the gods, Amara heads out on her own. “I am willing to coexist with you, brother. …In the universe! Just not anywhere near you.” She tells him that he has little power against her now. Furthermore, he can’t leave the world without her help. “I’ve become the better me. And you are still the same. Petulant, narcissistic…” Amara is pleased that she’s been able to trap Chuck on the very world he’s trying to escape right now. 

At the barrier, souls continue to whir towards the weak point. Dun dun DUN!

______________________________

These Quotes are Real:

A town full of ghosts? Messy even by Winchester standards.

Can you boys do nothing on your own.

We ran our own race. We made our own moves. And mostly we did well with that.

Dean, you asked, “What about all of this is real?” We are.

Turns out, God’s a dick.

I like soul catcher.

______________________________

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[themusingsofjericho-blog]

Façade (Flashback)

Flashback For:

@AFewSpills

@OhShesBossy

TW:

Mental/Physical Abuse

Attempted Rape

GW: 

Smut

Smudger hummed quietly to himself as he bustled around the kitchen, getting ready to cook up a delicious breakfast. He already had a nice, hot pot of coffee brewing behind him, and he was prepping the ingredients in order to make his famous chocolate chip pancakes, before moving on to the usual bacon and eggs. The sounds of David Draiman's voice serenaded him quietly in the background, since a certain guest was still fast asleep up in the guest bedroom...

Over the last three days, Smudger had been allowing a dear friend of his to stay with him until she could get back on her feet. She had shown up at his door, naked as the day she was born, with nothing but a thin sheet to protect herself from the cold. On top of that...her face was covered in dried blood and fresh bruises. Smudger didn't even hesitate when he saw her in the state that she was in. Using his best stern teacher voice, he told her to come inside and sit down. He loaned her a pair of his best pyjama pants and a t-shirt, before making her a hot cup of tea to help warm her up. And, judging by the looks of her injuries, he knew that he was in for a fucking horror story...

The young woman in question's name is Carla Swayze. Or, Nurse Swayze, to her colleagues and patients at Los Angeles General Hospital. The very same hospital where his best friend turned brother-in-law works as a doctor. The two had been introduced when his younger sister, Rebecca, had brought her over after school one day, because the two had a project that they were working on for their chemistry class. He was sitting in the living room when the two girls walked through the front door, and the second that his eyes had met Carla's...

He couldn't help but feel instantly smitten by her...

His first impression of Carla was that she was bright, beautiful, outgoing, asute, and very wise beyond her years. He also noticed that her sense of humour mirrored his own, due to how hysterically she laughed at some of his wise cracks and impressions. Hell. She nearly pissed herself when he did his dead on impressions of Austin Powers, Dr. Evil, Fat Bastard, and Goldmember. It wasn't long before the two started to become extremely close, to the point that their friends and family started to wonder whether or not they were dating. They were asked about this, day in and day out, and the answer was always the same...

The answer was "No."

Smudger never told Carla that he had feelings for her, out of fear of being rejected. Nevertheless, he knew that she was The One for him, right from the very beginning. But, despite the fact that they weren't dating, there was one particular night that the two had given into their urges. And, this was a night that he never, ever forgot...

It was the night of Senior Prom. Smudger's parents had allowed him to throw an after party at the house, under the condition that he and Rebecca cleaned up whatever potential mess was made. Both siblings agreed, and they made sure to keep their word. Drinks were flowing. People were dancing and having the time of their lives. And, to no one's surprise, Carla ended up being Smudger's prom date. Hell...he didn't even need to ask her to go with him. She just approached him at his locker one day and told him straight up that she would be his date. Smudger knew better than to say no to her, given the fact that he was planning on asking her to go with him, anyways. Carla had gone upstairs to use the bathroom, and Smudger followed her to make sure that she was okay and that no one tried to do anything inappropriate. But, when Carla emerged, she had gone up to him and asked if she could talk to him about something in private. Of course, he was puzzled, but, he told her that she could and the two retreated to Smudger's room

He should have known that something was up when Carla locked the door behind her. He, at first, thought she locked it so that guests wouldn't drunkenly barge in and interrupt them. Pretty normal for someone to do, right? Well. Not in this case. Carla clearly had something planned, and it sure as shit wasn't a heart to heart between best friends. That became obvious when Smudger was suddenly pinned against the door, and Carla had kissed him before he could ask her what the fuck she was doing. The second her lips met his, it felt like time itself had stopped. Everything started spinning around him, and it was as if it was just the two of them in that big house. They ended up making love for the very first time, all while Take On Me by A-ha blasted from the stereo in the living room. They gave each other their virginity, and it was the most incredible experience of Smudger's young life...

But, little did he know, that his life would soon take an unexpected and tragic turn...

The two had lost touch after Smudger moved away to Scotland after his parents' deaths. He didn't even say goodbye to Carla. He knew that seeing Carla cry would be too much for him, and he needed to get out of Los Angeles for a while to grieve. Despite the distance, he never stopped thinking about her. And he regretted not telling her that he loved her...

Smudger had absolutely no idea about Hank until he moved back to Los Angeles. He had gone to Carla's apartment to go and visit her to catch up, and he will never forget how cold Hank's voice sounded when he asked Carla who was at the door. And his eyes...his eyes were filled with obvious jealousy and disgust. How dare Carla have male friends, right? Carla swore up and down that she was happy, and that Hank was just too protective for his own good sometimes. But, the look in her eyes stated otherwise. Smudger could see the pain and sorrow whenever she spoke, whether the conversation was about Hank or not. But, up until a few nights ago, Smudger had absolutely no idea about how much of a monster Hank truly was...

Carla broke down in tears as she finally confessed to him what truly went on behind closed doors. She had been introduced to Hank through her other best friend, Emily. Hank was a friend of George, Emily's husband, and she thought that the two of them would make a perfect couple due to their similar personalities. At first, Hank seemed like a perfect fit for Carla. He was sweet, charming, funny, kind, and - in Carla's words - absolutely fucking adorable. The two had decided to make things official after nine months of knowing each other, and...that's when everything started going downhill...

Carla had brushed off Hank's outbursts of jealousy at first, thinking that he was just being your average protective boyfriend. But, once he was comfortable enough, his harmless behaviour started to escalate. He put a GPS tracker in her car and phone, that way he could see where she was going and who she was with every time she left the apartment. He started showing up at the hospital whenever Carla was working, thinking that she was having an affair with Rusty, who worked there as a doctor. Hank knew that Rusty and Carla were close friends, and, in his delusional mind? He saw that as a threat. Though...any man who dared to breathe in his girlfriend's direction was a threat to him. And, of course, security was always called to escort him off the property. He was eventually banned from the hospital altogether, after he had assaulted Rusty for simply giving Carla a comforting hug, due to the fact she had an extremely frustrating shift

And, as if Smudger's blood wasn't already boiling as he listened to Carla's tearful confession...she told him that the blood and bruises were the result of Hank assaulting her...

The assault had taken place only an hour before Carla had shown up. She told Smudger that she was on her period, and Hank had demanded her to give him oral sex. Carla refused, due to the fact that she had just gotten home from work, and all she wanted to do was eat her sushi and relax. But, instead of being a rational human being and respecting her right to say "No" to him, Hank decided instead that it would be a good idea to grab Carla by the hair and throw her violently to the ground. He kicked her in the stomach to knock the wind out of her, and he had punched her so hard in the face, he ended up breaking her nose and both of her orbital bones. And she was told that if she told anyone about this, especially George (who works for the LAPD SVU), that he would kill her

Smudger had heard enough at that point, and he told her in that same stern teacher voice that she needed to go and talk to the police after she finished her tea. Carla protested at first, but, she eventually gave up after Smudger gave her a very stern lecture. He drove her to the station, and he will never forget how fucking white George went when he saw Carla's injuries. She was immediately brought into a room to speak to one of the female officers, and he watched as Carla broke down once again as she relayed the same story to her. She was instructed to file a police report, and she had gone the following day to James' law office to file a restraining order. George, Henry, and Gordon had escorted her back to the apartment to grab her belongings, and Hank had threatened her the entire time she was there. And, with George's suggestion, Carla had her phone secretly recording their interaction for the courts to hear, just in case she needed further proof. God Bless you, Georgie!

Smudger had just finished making the bacon and eggs when he heard footsteps coming from the staircase. He turns his head, a small smile forming on his lips as his eyes settle upon the still sleepy blonde who was now beginning to zombie shuffle towards the kitchen island. He warmly tells her good morning, only for her to grunt sleepily in response. He wanted to tell her how adorable she looked when she was sleepy, but, he figured it would be wiser to just chuckle and tell her that breakfast was ready. Carla flashes him a small smirk, before sitting down at the island and digging into the food that Smudger had placed down in front of her.

The entire time Carla was eating, Smudger couldn't help but look over at her. Even with her hair all in a mess, no trace of makeup on her face, and clad in a black, silk nightgown, she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever laid his eyes on. But, he was far too terrified to express to her how he truly felt...

He didn't want to make it seem like he was taking advantage of her, given the fact that she was dealing with an extremely messy situation with an extremely volatile man. Her injuries looked worse now than what they originally did, and, he knew it was going to take a while for them to heal. Seeing her in that state broke his heart, and he silently prayed that Hank would get a good, hard punch in the face by Karma for what he had done to this wonderful woman...

Carla had already finished eating, and Smudger had taken her plate away so that it could be washed. He could still see Carla out of the corner of his eye, and he could see that she was looking at him. He thought nothing of it, until he saw Carla get up out of her chair in a slow, almost hesitant way. Frowning now, he turns around so that he was facing her, before asking in a gentle tone...

"Carla? Honey? Is everything alright?"

Smudger had no idea what his words were about to cause, until Carla started speed walking towards him. She crossed the distance between them faster than she had ever moved in her life and crashed her lips against his before he could say another word, tears streaming down her cheeks as she did so. Smudger whimpered as Carla's mouth shaped itself to his. It felt just like it always had between the two of them. He forgot all about the situation with Hank as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. Nothing else mattered except her. Just her. That was it.

Carla moaned as she felt Smudger's tongue plunging into her mouth, her mind going completely blank. At that moment, she couldn't think about anything except the man holding her and how much she had missed him. She had been so worried about him for so long. She couldn't hold her emotions back any longer. She pulled back slightly, resting her forehead against his and looking into his eyes.

"Let's go upstairs..." she whispered, "get you out of those clothes..."

Smudger whimpered again, unable to stop himself.

'God, I've missed hearing you say that..." he whispered back, a few tears of his own sliding down his cheeks. He buried his face in her neck, praying this wasn't all some cruel dream.

Carla laughed softly as she took Smudger's hand and led him upstairs. She pulled him into the guest bedroom, shoving him onto the bed and crawling on top of him.

"I've missed you so much, Smudger..." she whispered into his ear just before plunging her tongue into it. She rocked her hips against his, moaning as she felt his erection pressing against her. Her entire body was throbbing with a need that only he could fill.

"Take me, Smudger..." she pleaded, "I need you so much..."

Smudger let out a low moan of longing before he could stop it. He ran his hands along Carla's legs, slowly pushing the hem of her silk gown up over her stomach. He reached down and slid his thumb through the lace of her panties before sliding them down her legs and tossing them to the side. He tangled his fingers in her hair, kissing clumsily along her neck and shoulder as he moaned again and lifted his hips for her.

Carla moaned at the feel of Smudger's warm lips on her skin, the feeling of his strong hands on her body. She slowly ran her hands down his chest, over his stomach to the top of his pyjama pants. She slides his pants and boxers off his hips before reaching down to wrap her hand around his shaft. She began to stroke him, rocking her hips in time with the movement of her hand as she kissed along his chest. Her long hair created a curtain around them as she kissed her way up his neck.

"Oh, Smudger..." she moaned.

Smudger gripped Carla's hips, pulling her harder against him.

"Fuck, Carla..." he gasped, "it's been too damn long..."

He lifted her up, grinning when she did the same with him, and slid her down onto his shaft with a loud moan of longing. He didn't move for several moments, simply enjoying the feel of being inside of her again after so many years.

Carla gasped as she felt Smudger fill her completely. She slowly rolled her hips, moaning as she felt the head of his cock rub against her G-Spot. She leaned down, kissing along the side of his mouth as she rode him. Hank didn't matter to her at that moment. The only thing that mattered was Smudger. He needed her, and she realized that she needed him just as much. She didn't want to think about what would happen later. This was their time, and she was taking it.

Smudger whimpered as he felt Carla tighten around him. He grabbed her hips a little tighter, guiding her along his length as she rode him. He arched his back as a sudden wave of pleasure crashed over him, her warmth overwhelming him. She felt just as good as she always had. This was what he had been needing...this moment...this time with her. He moved his hands up her back, pulling her as close as possible as he started lifting his hips to meet her as she continued riding him.

Carla moaned, fresh tears falling down her cheeks as she felt Smudger's emotions. She held him as tight as she could, her body growing hotter as they continued to move faster. Their bodies easily fell into the same easy rhythm they had always had with each other. Her heart felt as if it would burst from her chest as she felt the familiar tightening in her stomach, knowing she was close, covering his mouth with her own and plunging her tongue inside.

Smudger whimpered as he felt Carla's tongue dancing with his. He dug his nails deeper into her skin, thrusting harder and harder. He knew that she was close, and he wanted her to let go and let it out.

Carla shuddered as she felt the pleasure in her body increase. She pulled back from the kiss, letting out a scream as she lost herself in orgasm.

Smudger growled as he felt Carla's body clench around his. He threw his head back, shouting her name as he felt his own release wash over him. It had been so long since an orgasm felt so good, and he didn't want to let her go. Not again...

[markgallacher]

DISRUPTED

A week before my best friend M– died, I had a dream where I was travelling somewhere with unidentified friends. We were flying somewhere and the last call for the boarding gate was announced over the public announcement system. But we were not at an airport; we were in Glasgow Central Station. The boarding gate was behind some sort of large internal building structure that was accessed through a small walkway. My companions had reached the walkway. They briefly called to me before they moved on with their hand luggage. I knew where to go - just over there. Over there. But the floor was polished and it curved. I kept slipping and trying to stand up. An alarm began to sound, like the sound effect from the LOST TV series, its volume and frequency increasing. I repeatedly tried to get my footing and then despair hit me, as I knew I wasn’t going to make it. I WASN’T GOING TO MAKE IT! – and then I woke up.

A week later, M– was dead. He was 46 years old. It had taken cancer two years to kill him.

M–’s illness started with terrible pain in his arm that turned out to be lung cancer – a tumour creeping from the top of his lung into the plexus of nerves near his neck. The doctors eventually managed to kill that tumour, but not before the cancer had metastasised to his liver. The cancer was aggressive. Eventually M– had tumours other places and his liver was gone. Along the way, he suffered all the physical distress, mental anguish and humiliation a fatal disease and its treatment can bring to bear on one person. It says something about the man that in those two years, he married, visited Germany, France and Italy. He renovated a house in the country in Denmark, went to music festivals, applied for citizenship for him and his kids, and kept his family and friends from total despair. I don’t know if he kept despair at bay for himself. I sometimes imagined he was like a boxer on the ropes in the 11th. Heroic and slowly failing in that cruel light. I imagined he was agile enough so that the worst of it failed to land the knockout blow. But there were callous uppercuts that hurt. The bell was never going to sound. And though we tried to hide it, there were gasps and anguished moans from the darkened stands, our distance to the ring dictated by the bonds that bind, the circumstances of our lives or just by how much suffering at close quarters we could stand.

It says a lot about M– that he threw a small party for his close friends two months before he died - when he knew he would die in a matter of months. There were seven of us. It was an idyllic summer in Denmark. Record-breaking summer days. Sunsets and sunrises ablaze. Time slow and lazy like a slack river. M– made a speech beforehand; we were gathered around the kitchen worktop where he was preparing the meal. He told us the end was coming and there was nothing we could do about it. He wasn’t upset about his mortality. He was really upset about leaving his wife and children behind. But he had lived a fuller life than most. He’d seen the world. And he was lucky that it would be the liver that would go first. He’d fall into a coma and not wake up. Not the worst way to go. No pain. ‘Now,’ he said voice strong. ‘Let’s have a party.’ And that’s what we did. Just laughter, wine, seafood, good music and those strange floating smiles people make when they are immensely happy and their hearts are breaking at the same time.

Just weeks before he died, M– took his wife and kids to Italy. In the photographs, he looks like a healthy, happy father. He does not look like a man who is dying and who will die very soon. Planned as a last trip with his kids, he was forced to cut the holiday short because basically, his body was done. But not his mind. Not yet.

Still, pain, meds, exhaustion. When he came back, the sense that things would go fast.

M– left a 13-year-old daughter, an 11-year-old son, a widow who’d only met him four years ago, his parents, a sister, an ex-wife and mother to his children who’d known him for 25 years, near friends, far friends, work associates and all those people who couldn’t help but like him. Circles of loss of decreasing intensity, expanding out from his disrupted timeline.

Fate so cruel, you wanted to throw rocks at it.

I had told M– repeatedly we would grow old together. Our sons would drive us to some cosy café where we would drink expensive beers in late afternoon sunshine and take satisfaction from our ordinary lives, discuss all the books we had read, the movies we had seen together. Then at some point, one of our sons would come back and drive us home. When M– was first diagnosed with cancer, I told him that I had written a letter of complaint and mailed it. He asked me for the address. M– told me about some of the treatment choices he was having to make. ‘Hard-core decisions,’ he called them. He was still defiant then. Angry. ‘Fuck cancer.’ There was no question of his dying. Two years later at 2 am at that last party, I embraced my friend and asked him how much time did he want – take it from me. A week, a month, two years. It’s yours. ‘I’ll take as much as you can spare,’ he said and smiled wanly. One by one, we were all embracing M– .

But now when I look back to those moments, I think the giving was all the other way.

In the days after his death, it’s me asking M– for strength. FB pictures, text messages, Messenger threads, brief smartphone film clips. Nothing is banal. All of it is rendered precious, poignant. It has become prophetic. Digital ghosts haunting my grief-stricken now. Even his music playlists take on significance that takes the breath away. Why’d he have to pick that song Waiting’ Around To Die? The desperate search for one more recording I’ve never seen or heard. One more message. One more SMS. One more digital illusion. In those first days after his death, I desperately followed M–’s stats: It’s now been 24 hours since M– logged onto FB. It’s now been three days since he played a song on Spotify. Months since his last SMS. A world ago since his last post on Messenger. I was aware that I could be losing my mind. That I actually believed, I was going to find a Ted Talk from Beyond the Grave delivered by M–.

For days, I hunted down pictures of M–. In many of them, he looks over his shoulder at the camera, easy smile, glass of wine, preparing a meal or about to speak.

The strange compulsion that you could travel back in time. Send a warning.

You could map M–’s decline by the frequency of my visits. Once every couple of weeks. Once a week. Once every three days. M–’s last week went fast. His life force seemed like a country-sized shelf of ice that threatening to cleave for two years, cleaves from the main body. His last hours a drift of coma and delirium, watched over by his wife and nurse. I visited him on what turned out to be his last Monday. He said how tired he was. I visited him on the last Wednesday, he could still hold a conversation but he was like a man behind a waterfall. I wasn’t always sure if I was only seeing the shape of him. His mind submerged, sank, and came back again, paler than before. Like the fading light in the gathering darkness of a coming storm. When I drove back home, my heart broke. I wept for M– and his wife and children. And I wept for myself because I was losing my best friend.

On the last Friday, I asked my wife to drive out with me, afraid I would not be able to drive back. M– refused to see us, his wife tearful at the door, with some boxes of old children’s toys and clothes we were to take to the charity shop. She couldn’t stand at the door for long. M– could not be left alone. Not now. We heard him call her name.

He died about midnight that Sunday.

I miss my friend.

- September 2018

[michael-hearteyes-wheeler]

Growing Strange

[1]

Chapter 2: The Beginning Of The End

(AO3)  (FF.net)

High School.

A virtual battlefield of gossip, and social tyranny. More peers, bigger classrooms, sadistic teachers, nastier bullies, stricter hierarchy, and somehow even worse school lunches.

The party readied themselves with their best weapons at the forefront: El and Max. El could kick anyone's ass, she proved that well enough, and Max could talk her way out of any situation.

They were as excited as they were fearful. Being another year older meant more freedom. They were closer to driving, to getting jobs, to becoming adults and achieving their goals. More rigorous classes meant that studying might actually be a challenge, one they were eager to take on. More elective options meant Will could take ceramics and drawing, and that Dustin could finally be the light tech for theater. Mike was pleased to learn the AV club needed a new president, and Lucas was considering trying out for baseball. Max was just stoked that the schools quad had great curbs and hills for skating on, and El was glad she shared almost all of her classes with her friends.

Puberty hit the group like a brick wall, especially the boys. Dustin's chubby cheeks were replaced with slightly more angular ones, and all of his teeth had come in beautiful and straight. Will was more or less still pretty shrimpy, but his deep and wide set eyes, and finally outgrowing his bowl cut made him strikingly handsome.

Probably the most noticeable differences had been in Lucas and Mike. Lucas was no longer gangly and baby faced. He had become muscular over the long summer months of lawn mowing and hedge trimming. It earned him a lot of attention from other girls at school, but Max could scare them away with a well placed scowl. Max herself had developed a beautiful rosy tan, and her hair was brighter than ever. They were a gorgeous couple, unafraid to stand up for each other, and not even slightly concerned about hiding their public displays of affection.

As for Mike, he had spouted like a weed. By the time Winter of 85' rolled around he was pushing 6' and still growing. It got the point where El had to stand on her tiptoes to kiss him (not that she cared). His rounded face had become chiseled, and his fluffy hair had become erratically curly. The only thing that never really changed where the sprinkling of freckles on his cheeks that El would trace whenever they held each other.

El herself was earning more attention from others in school. El was beautiful, painfully so. She always had been, but now that she was older, and her baby-face had faded, it was ridiculous. El never really seemed to care or even notice, but Mike sure as hell did. He would see the way boys gawked at her, and wrap his arm a little tighter around her waist in the halls. Or whenever someone would be leering over her at her locker, he would run up from behind and surprise her with a kiss.

He got picked on. People would ask him how he ever got someone like El, and in truth, he didn't even know. She was just so perfect. So funny, and nice. So thoughtful and insightful. So compassionate, and intelligent. It made his head spin to think that he was the one that got to hold her hand, and walk her home, and love her.

But whenever he would start to doubt himself, she was always there. To reassure him, and let him know exactly how she felt. To her it just made sense. Mike, The Party, all of them. They were the perfect friends, and it was painful to even to imagine something splitting them apart.

It just seemed to unfathomable.

One huge upside to being in highschool, is the freedom that comes with being old enough to get a real job, and drive a real car.

Lucas and Max both monopolized the lawn mowing industry. All of the old and lazy people in Hawkins had sharp, grassy yards, and meticulously groomed gardens thanks to them. When Max turned fifteen she got a handed down car from her step dad that meant way more adventures. The little orange hatchback broke down a lot, and most of her money went right back into it. But man, did she look cool driving up to school with El by her side.

Will took a part time job working with his mom at Melvald's. He enjoyed greeting customers and was one of the friendliest cashiers the store had ever had. Plus his mother was over the moon that they got to carpool and she could see him more. He spent most of his money on sketchbooks and the hottest new thing in the music technology: CD's.

El and Dustin worked part time at the library. Which mostly consisted of them hiding in less frequented sections to read returned books rather than actually putting the books away. It also meant Dustin could finally buy the big 1970's VW van he had wanted since he was little. It made for a lot of great camping trips and long drives to the city.

Mike worked at the local movie theater some days, and at the Radio Shack other days. He famously spread himself too thin, but he couldn't pass up the perks of getting free movie tickets and access to the latest technological advancements. When he turned fifteen his parents got him a sensible car that made for a lot of date nights and long talks with El out on romantic scenic overlooks.

Jobs aren't always fun, but when the benefit is making out in you new car after being able to pay for a real dinner, it's hard to complain.

As they got older, and time wore on, that obliviousness to pain faded. It seemed like one by one, they all had their demons to face.

Like when Max's step brother got kicked out during her sophomore year.

She had gone home with Lucas one afternoon in late fall. Hand in hand, and laughing with each other without a care in the world, they walked in on utter chaos that left the red-head reeling for months afterwards.

Billy and Neil, practically tearing the house apart in the fight to end all fights. Plates smashed, the TV broken. Her mother crying in the bathroom. They had turned to leave, when Billy turned on her. Or rather, on Lucas. He pinned him against the wall and screamed that Lucas was the one tearing their family apart, and that he was getting Max into trouble. It was baseless, of course, but in Billy's mind, Lucas was who he needed to take his anger out on.

Max watched from the sidelines and screamed and slapped at Billy's arms and shoulder, begging him to let Lucas go. He did, but not until Lucas had a black eye and a busted lip.

Billy got kicked out, and Neil forbid Max from seeing Lucas anymore, as if that would solve whatever demented issues he had. With Billy gone, Neil's aggression shifted towards Max's mother, and even worse, sometimes to Max herself.

She never let her families backwards view of her relationship affect the way she left about Lucas. Hiding their love from her parents just made everything more exciting. It meant sneaking out, it meant Lucas hiding in her closet or under her bed when her mother checked on her while he was at her house late at night. It meant long car rides out of town and into the hills where no one could see or cared that they loved each other.

Will's demons came for him too. All his life he had this secret burning inside of him. A secret he could only tell El, and eventually Max because he knew they wouldn't care. It ate him up inside. Feeling like there was something wrong with him, or that the people he loved wouldnt understand, or would leave him once they found out. He became distant, detached, vacant, and haunted. Filling more and more sketchbooks with eery looking images of his own internal struggle.

His mother tried to get it out of him, tried to let him know that she would love him no matter what secret he might be hiding, but Will was too scared. He would sit in silence in class and look out the window, and try to push his feelings aside. The feelings of warmth and infatuation with the boy who sat in front of him in History. The one with the silky brown hair and the charming smile. The one who laughed whenever Will would make a joke under his breath that he thought no one could hear. The one who was dating a pretty girl, the way Will thought he was supposed to.

El and Max pleaded with him, begged him to open up. That his friends would understand, that nothing could change. All he could do was promise he would think about, and wait for the right moment.

That moment never came. Not until it had festered inside of him and grown until it was bigger than he was, and he was bursting at the seems.

They were all sitting in Mike's basement. Mike and El on the couch, sharing a blanket and bowl of popcorn, Lucas, Max and Dustin lounging on the floor in a heated debate about Multi-universe theory, and Will, sitting alone at the table trying to draw and feeling like he was falling into a hole.

"I have something to tell you!" He blurted, face red and voice trembling.

Everyone stopped dead in their tracks, and turned to face their anxious friend. Max and El shared a knowing glance and smiled at him reassuringly.

"You have to promise that you won't hate me after I tell you. You have to swear." Will's voice was intent.

"Of course we promise, Will, we could never hate you." Mike gave him the same assured smile that El had.

"Okay..." Will took a deep shaky breath and closed his eyes. "I... I like boys... The way i'm supposed to like girls... Im gay. And I want to be able to share this part of myself with all of you because I don't think I can keep fighting it anymore."

No one said anything. Will kept his gaze at the ground, terrified to make eye contact. Terrified to see whatever expressions of disgust splayed across the faces of his best friends. A beat passed, and Will felt like he was going to burst in tears when Dustin of all people finally piped up.

"I'm proud of you Will." His voice was soft, not a common occurrence for him, and his eyes were kind. Will looked up to meet his gaze with a look of surprise.

"You... you're proud of me?"

"I know that cannot be an easy thing to open up about, but i'm happy you finally did." Dustin smiled back at him.

"Wait... finally?"

"We have... Kind of all known for awhile." Lucas added with a small voice.

"You did!?" Will shot El and Max accusing glances but they shrugged.

"We always figured I guess, but we wanted to let you come to us with it whenever you were ready." Mike beamed at his smaller friend.

"So you don't hate me?" Will's voice was thick with tears.

"We could never hate you, Will." Mike leaned forward to place an reassuring hand on Will's knee.

That night marked one of the biggest admissions in The Parties history. Another notch in the belt (so to speak) tying them together, binding them with faith and trust and unwavering love for each other. Will never worried about hiding things from his friends. None of them worried about hiding things, actually. Not anymore.

As the years progressed, and sophomore year turned into Junior, and another blissful summer turned into fall, that love never failed to grow. Sometimes strange, and sometimes crooked, but they grew.

Mike and El often seemed like the culmination of that devotion. A pair of best friends who read each other with mere wordless glances. Blissfully supportive and loving of each other no matter what circumstances they found themselves in.

Childlike admission of liking, and blushing at hands and gentle kisses turned into deep fiery love. Promises to stay together forever, whispered in the dark at night, in the passenger seats of cars, in each others rooms when they should be home sleeping. Innocent daydreams about being friends for the rest of their lives become a daunting and even frightening realization. Playing games and messing around became study, and planning a future as it sprawled out before them.

Kissing became routine. Loving each other became a given. Being in love became... difficult to understand.

That was when the final blow struck. The one that cut deep into their hearts. The one that seemed like they could never fix it, not even as a group, not even as lovers, because it was bigger than they were, and it meant more than they knew how to cope with.

It was the Summer of 88'. The summer before senior year. The last summer they would ever have that didn't have strings attached.

It was the summer of 88', when the fires started.

It had been small at first. Just a brush fire that got a little carried away when a farmer further up the river was burning what was left from his crops the months before. Just a standard burning, the kind he had done a thousand time before. The kind that every farmer does every season when it's time to clear out the fields before winter. It would have been fine. It should have been fine, but it wasn't.

It was an exceptionally dry summer, and one of the warmest on record. Couple that, with just the right wind speed, blowing in just the right direction, and within hours the entire forest surrounding the eastern side of his property was engulfed in hot orange flames.

You could smell the smoke for miles. El woke up out of her midday nap, curled up in Mike's arms on the couch in his basement to the smell. Together they ran through the house, checking every inch to make sure it wasn't them that was burning. When El finally looked outside, she saw the flickering of ash falling just out the window. Like snow. Like the most ominous, and heart-wrenchingly terrifying snow on a hot summer's day.

Mike flipped on the kitchen radio and listened in on the reports, that the fire was spreading fast, that firefighters were already on sight, that it was moving too quickly. El called Lucas, who had Max and Dustin at his house. Dustin called Will, and the Party convened at Mike's house less than 15 minutes later. It was like some strange unspoken plan passed between their eyes as they watched the ash fall, and Dustin choked on the smoke, and it burned Max's eyes.

They all wordlessly hopped in Mikes car, and drove west, towards the woods. The streets were mostly empty, save for the handful of other people standing on their lawns, shielding their eyes from the sun and staring into the sky. Mike stopped the car at the end of a long forgotten logging road deep in the wood, about 2 miles from where the fire was currently ravaging.

They got out of the car, all still in the suspended silence, and crossed through the woods the way they had a million times before. Following the same deer trails, stepping over the same mossy logs, and around the same boulders. The smoke was worse in the woods, and it was hard to imagine that every piece of ground they touched might soon succumb to the same fate as the woods further east.

They reached the same small bend in the river, where it was shallow and narrow, where they used the same log to cross that they had since they were children. The moss was word down slick from years and years of use by The Party, and other teens in the area. It had once been a place where El and Max would sit and swing their legs, while their boyfriends splashed around bellow. It had once been a place where Will laughed so hard that he fell from atop it, and sprained his wrist. It had once been a place where it felt like nothing could ever go wrong.

Once on the other side, it was a 10 minute walk to the top of a cliff that overlooked the entire town. Trudging silently, moving quickly, just short of running to the perch. El was the first to reach the peak. Just as suddenly as she stepped out of the tree line, the entire valley came into view, as well as the river that tore through it. Her voice caught in her throat when she saw the flames burning on the other side.

Lucas climbed into a tree with his binoculars. Max and Dustin sat on a tall boulder, watching the fire helicopters dropping water and extinguisher across the landscape. Will, Mike and El stood on the edge of the hills slope, looking down at the chaos bellow. Even miles away you could feel the heat. You could smell the smoke. You could choke on it.

There were tears in their eyes as they watched the fire burn away the memories they had made in those woods. The one they had all played in growing up. The one that sheltered them on rainy hikes. The one that served at a meeting point for sneak outs. The one that held them when they camped. The one El and Mike shared their first kiss in.

It was hard to tell through the smoke, but El made out the clearing that the tree was in. Their tree. The one with the initials and the physical representation of their bond. She could see the fire dance dangerously close to those trees. They sat in silence, waiting and watching, holding each other and pacing. It felt like the end of the world. It felt like the apocalypse. As they saw birds fleeing, and small groups of deer bounding into the water.

Eventually, the clearing, and their tree, were consumed.

Once the fire reached the river, it was easier to keep in from spreading. The wind shifted in their favor, pushing the flames into the water. Helicopters continued their downpour, sirens could still be heard in the distance. It seemed small, once it was all almost said and done with, and the sun began to set off to their right, and the smoke had cleared enough that you could actually take in the sight of the damage.

Everything was blackened, the air felt hot, but it was mostly over. So why did it feel so painful? It was just a tree, and they would love each other without it, so why did it scare each of them so badly? Why did it feel like the beginning of some ending? Like their story was coming to a close?

Because symbols are powerful things. And you put a lot of faith in them even when you don't mean too. Because losing the forest they had grown up in, felt like losing a friend.

There was a somber energy that blanketed the town after the fire. Two volunteers were in the hospital, and a firefighter from the next town over died when he walked to far into the woods. The landscape for miles were blackened on the outskirts of town. 1280 acres of farmland and forest demolished. Four barns and a historic farmhouse gone.

Nothing in the party changed directly. They still saw each other everyday, and hung out every weekend, but it was becoming clear that their childhood was over.

There was a day, right before school started, that that fact became all too clear for El.

Sitting in Mike's basement, reading lazily as she lounged on the floor, her head resting in his lap as he studied. She moved her book to look at him and smiled. He often bit his lips when he focused. She saw the crease in his forehead as he hastily erased another equation he couldn't quite figure out. He had taken summer courses, something Max referred to as 'Top tier nerd behavior', but El was proud of him. Mike has determined to always push himself, to always learn and grow.

He groaned and erased something, and flipped back through his textbook.

"Hey, why don't you take a break. We can go get ice cream or something and you can clear your head." She reached up and twisted her finger around one of his messy curls.

He smiled back at her, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I can't El, I have to finish this right now or it will be late."

"It's not due until tomorrow at like... noon. You can take a little break." She poked her favorite freckle on his cheek but he was already looking back at his paper, only grumbling in reply. "Come ooon, Mike, summer is almost over, you have worked so hard, lets go goof off for a little bit."

He was ignoring her at this point, but she wasn't going to give up. She rolled off of him and sat up, wrapping her arms and legs around him from behind like a koala (as he so often called it). She rested her chin on his shoulder and looked over his messy notes. It made her head spin just from looking at it. She was always more of a literature buff, and his crazy mathematical physics always blew her mind.

"Miikkee" She drug his name out. "Michael." She hugged him harder and poked his sides. "Mike Wheeler if you don't stop looking at that paper I will tickle torture you until you pee your pants like that one time."

Finally he dropped his pen and pinched the bridge of his nose. "First of all, we were ten. Second of all, I really need to study and you are being super distracting and its making me mad."

"You usually like it when I distract you." El teased, thinking fondly on all the times she had saved a stressed out Mike from his own frustration.

"Okay well now isn't one of those times. Can you please get off of me?" His voice was uncharacteristically cold.

El scooted away from him and shifted to sit across from him on the floor. "Why are you being so rude? It's literally just homework. For a class you didn't even have to take."

"Because I want to get into a good college and extra classes like this look good on college applications." Mike had fully shoved his papers away from his lap and was looking at her with the exasperation usually only reserved for Lucas and Dustin.

"Mike, you are the smartest person I know. You don't need to stress yourself out so badly over one stupid class. You will get into a great school with or without going and taking a break with me. Besides, that's an entire year away." El felt her own temper start to come out. She wasn't exactly the post patient person in the world, and Mike was almost worse than she was.

"El, we can't all live at our parents house forever."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means, that im stressing about this because I want to get out of here as fast as I can. I just want to be able to go to a school that I love, and leave this shit town behind. I'm sorry you can't understand that."

Her jaw dropped. Sure things in Hawkins weren't the best. And sure his parents made him feel suffocated and isolated all at the same time, but it wasn't that bad was it? Not enough for him to be blowing up and fuming over this.

"Whatever Mike. i'm going home. Get the stick out of your ass and call me when you realize you are being ridiculous." And with that El grabbed her bag and walked out of the basement door.

She waited at the edge of his yard for a few minutes, despite the heat and humidity. Usually whenever they got into arguments like this, Mike just needed a second to realize he was being hurtful and would come apologize. But he never came out. She stared down the hill at the closed basement door and felt her blood boil until she turned on her heels and stomped home.

It was just a little argument. Maybe they had both said some things that were uncalled for. El tried to rationalize it until she was blue in the face. But he never called, and she went to bed feeling like something had broken.

She realized they were not kids anymore. That maybe Mike was right, and she really just didn't understand. It felt like something was changing. Like the beginning of the end.

Tagging: @el-themage @mileventwentyfourseven @claudia-henderson

[amberandmetal]

Fever part 1

Author: @waywardkitten Featuring: Wincest Warnings: Slight John/Dean angst and conflict. instinctual and animalistic behaviour and all else that comes with a/b/o and catboy verse. Rating: Explicit Word count: 2140 Summary:  Sam is expected to present as a Beta just like his dad so it's no surprise he kinda freaks out when he pops his first knot. Notes: This is part 1 of 3 in a Wincest story I’m working on. Its set in both an a/b/o verse and catboy verse with catboy!Dean. In my story he is only 50% catboy which makes him mostly human but with the kit ears, tail and eyes plus certain characteristics in his behavior. My idea for this came from the fact that most a/b/o fics centers around the omega and their heats/first heat so I wanted to switch it up a bit and focus on a character popping their first knot and experiencing their first rut. ~ Part 2 & Part 3

“If you fall down I’m not catching you”

Dean looked down, his green eyes glowing in the darkness surrounding them and his tail whipping slightly agitated before going back to swishing gently from side to side. “Hush, Sam, I’m trying to focus”

Sam leaned against the trunk of the tree with an annoyed huff “Jerk”

There was a faint rustle in the tree and some creaking branches followed by a soft thud as Dean landed gracefully next to his little brother. “Bitch”

He pushed his brother playfully on the arm with a smirk before he headed back with a disgruntled Sam in tow. “I guess you lost it? again”, Sam muttered. 

They had been after this thing for weeks and their dad seemed more and more obsessed each passing day. Dean’s ability to see in the dark was a godsend; otherwise they wouldn’t have stood a chance. “Keep your teenage hormonal grumpiness to a minimum, would ya? And yes, I lost it but not before I saw where it was going”

He turned around quickly to catch a branch that had almost slapped Sam right in his face. “And I know you can’t see much out here right now but could you at least try to watch where you’re going?”

The look Sam gave him seemed to soften him up a bit. He sighed with fond exasperation and they walked the last bit side by side, Dean’s tail wrapped around Sam to gently steer him. “What do you mean you lost him?!”, John barked at Dean. Sam just stood beside them watching. Dean cowered slightly with his ears slicked back against his sandy hair, his tail tucked between his legs, the tip anxiously twitching. None of this could be read on his face though which was an impeccable mask. Sam knew Dean had tried to get his catboy mannerisms under control for as long as he could remember, but it continued to be the one thing he couldn’t get a handle on. “I’m sorry, sir. But he was heading north in a straight line. If we leave now we might be able to ca-”

“We?”, John huffed “No, you two have done enough. Stay here with Sam..”, he started cramming things into an old bag “.. I’ll keep in touch. And in the meantime you two stay put, you hear me?”, he turned around glaring at Dean with a raised finger. 

Dean straightened his back with what looked like sheer force of will and nodded solemnly “Yes, sir”

Before they both knew it, their dad had slammed the door shut and the soft rumble of the Impala could barely be heard anymore over the downpour outside. “I wish you would stand up to him”

“Sammy, don’t start”

“No, I mean it, Dee.”, Sam insisted, still upset with their dad’s behaviour. He followed his older brother to the couch and sat down beside him when Dean picked up the remote.

“You did everything you could. Hell, if it weren’t for your sight we couldn’t have tracked him at all and it’s still not good enough for dad”

Sam took in the sight of his brother, jaw set and eyes pointedly fixed on the TV and tail whipping dangerously beside him. “Dea-”

“I am not having this discussion again. He trained me to be better than this. He trained me even though everyone told him he shouldn’t. He took a chance on me and I failed. End of story.”

Sam just looked at him completely baffled. “Why wouldn’t he?”

“Drop it, Sammy”, he bit out. Sam started to get increasingly annoyed with his brother.

“Is this the kit thing or the omega thing? because Mom was both, you’re only three quarters, and Dad had no qualms about her ability or worth”

Dean threw the remote across the room making it split into pieces against the wall before getting up and leaving the room. “The only one thinking less of you because of it is you, Dean!”, Sam shouted after him but Dean had already closed the door.

For once their dad had gotten a great deal on renting this little house at the outskirts of town and for the first time since they both could remember they had separate rooms: the nights when John was home he usually slept or passed out on the couch in front of the TV.

Sam exhaled an angry huff, grunting as he did so and clenching his fists, slamming his own bedroom door shut and throwing himself on the bed.

He woke up in a pool of his own sweat, his body writhing back and forth and no matter how he positioned himself his body just couldn’t find a comfortable spot. His breathing was ragged and he had trouble finding his bearings, panting and clawing at his covers to get them off. He hissed suddenly as the overly starched fabric dragging over his crotch made him acutely aware of his painfully hard, leaking erection. He mumbled something not even he himself could decipher and rolled over onto his stomach, groaning at the pressure and friction against his dick. He checked the time on his phone. 3 AM. What the hell was going on? 

He felt feverish but without the accompanying fogginess clouding his thoughts. His skin felt cool to the touch but from the inside he felt like he was burning and it all seemed to originate from his lower abdomen and crotch area, like water ripples radiating out through his body. All his thoughts were focused on his cock- he’d never been so hard and throbbing in his life. He whimpered in relief and pain as he closed his fist around his shaft and gave an experimental tug. Instantaneously he felt a small relief urging him to keep going, jacking himself, tugging and squeezing with needy and pained little whines spilling from his lips, desperate to find release. 

His back arched a bit as he started feeling the familiar jolts and warmth coil deep within. He whined and whimpered, desperate for it to be over. He just knew, he just knew knew knew that if he could just come all of this would be over and he would feel better again. He quickened his pace, feeling his abdomen tighten and his balls draw up. He came with one hand in a firm grip fisting his cock and the other clamped over his mouth to muffle the sounds erupting from his lips. The fire lifted a bit then, but not completely; but it was enough for Sam to relax back against his pillow and enjoy being able to breathe normally again. The relief didn’t last long. He could feel himself harden again in his grip and what was worse was he could feel the distinct tightness of the base of his cock swelling slightly. “DEAN!”

Sam hung against the door post, barely holding himself up, gray worn sweatpants hanging loosely on his hips. He didn’t even have the energy to cover his obvious erection tenting the fabric.

Dean came stumbling, or what could be considered stumbling by Dean’s standards, into the living room, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Sam, what the he-”

He stopped dead in his tracks, warily scenting the air. His eyes turned the size of saucers and he swallowed thickly. “..an alpha?”, he breathed, looking completely dumbstruck “..you presented as an alpha, Sammy?”

Sam just panted heavily, his eyelids drooping. “Dean, I can’t-”

And once again Sam was deeply grateful for Dean’s feline reflexes because if not for them he would’ve broken his face against the wooden floor. Dean held him up against the wall. “Jeez, Sammy you look like shit”

Sam smiled weakly “Ain't so hot yourself”

Dean just huffed and brought his tail up to swipe the layer of sweat beading at Sam’s forehead. “C’mon, let’s get you to bed”

Dean snaked an arm underneath Sam’s pits and tried to lift as best as he could with Sam being at least a head taller. The close proximity felt soothing and Sam unconsciously slumped against his big brother’s frame. Dean suddenly stiffened. The air felt thick and Sam thought he could sense something in his haze. His nostrils flared as he inhaled the most delicious aroma he’d ever smelled. It was a scent of earth, moss, rain and honey- it made his mouth water. “What is that?”, he breathed, greedily inhaling more of the sweetness wafting through the air.

Dean cleared his throat awkwardly and rather ungently let Sam down on the bed. “It’s me”, he said stiffly, his ears leaning back a bit. “It’s my catboy and omega biology reacting to alpha in rut pheromones. I have no control over it”

Even in the dark Sam could see Dean blushing something fiercely. Sam’s brain crashed momentarily. Dean was slick? Because of him?

Dean cleared his throat once again, refusing to meet Sam’s gaze. “I’ll head out to the 24/7 pharmacy and get you some.. stuff. I’ll be right back”

And with that he left, his tail hanging low between his legs with a barely noticeable twitch.

Sam fell into a restless sleep, tossing and turning, tangling the sheets with his long limbs. When Dean finally got back Sam was a tangled, sweat slick mess and because of it, the air was thick with his alpha scent. Sam woke up from his brother crouching beside his bed and tapping him on the forehead, his face assembled in a neutral stiff mask. “Wake up, Sammy”

He looked rigid and cautious, the endearment the only sign of any kind of emotion. “This is what the clerk girl told me was basic first time rut stuff so..”, again he did the throat clearing thing, looking away “.. yeah, go nuts”

Dean patted him awkwardly on the back before getting up and walking out into the living room, closing the door behind him.

Sam tilted his face upwards, scenting the air and letting out a small shiver when he smelled the sweetness of omega pheromones and omega slick in the air, not giving a second thought to that the source of it was his own brother..

Wanting Dean was nothing new to him; he’d wanted Dean in any which way since as long as he could remember and when he hit puberty and a new kind of want joined the party nothing really changed. Dean was and had always been the center of Sam’s affection. But this, wanting this way, knowing that they were in fact a perfect fit, sharing in a flawless contrast, alpha and omega, human and kit, being the black to the other’s white- this was a whole new kind of want. And Sam knew Dean saw him as a little brother and nothing more, but just knowing that even though Dean didn’t want him, his body very obviously did and that knowledge did things to Sam’s brain, making it shortcircuit and completely fritz out.

He clung to the scent in the air, shamelessly stroking himself to it, imagining what it would be like having that slick on him, around him or even tasting it. He threw his head back against the pillows, his body slowly returning to it’s state of burning him from the inside.

He reached down with one hand on the side of the bed, blindly searching for the bag Dean had left there. He brought it up, rummaging through it until he found a bottle of lube and an extremely weird looking toy that he understood, after a quick glance at the box, was a replica of some omega pornstar’s ass with an inflatable ring around the entrance to simulate an omega clenching around the knot.

“Typical”, he snorted. 

The snort turned into a moan halfway as he felt another jolt shoot through his body. He made quick work of the bottle cap, squeezing a generous amount into the toy and on himself before letting the silicone sink down over his swollen, aching cock. He groaned loudly, not a thought in his mind on being quiet or that he wasn’t alone in the house. The slick channel of the toy had bumps and ridges designed for extra stimulus and it was the most mindblowing thing Sam had felt in all his 18 year old life. The squelching noises the toy made each time he thrusted should’ve been grossing him out but instead it only added to the euphoria. The sounds just kept his mind on the wetness of the lubricant, how slick it was against his shaft, slick; the image of Dean took form in his mind, splayed out on a bed naked and begging with something wet and shiny running down his thighs.

Sam came with a muffled groan, his abs constricting as he arched up, shaking into the toy. He forced his eyes open and they caught by the little rubber ball hanging by the toy’s opening. He reached out a tentative hand and squeezed.

He threw his head back so hard his vision whited out as he pulsed again and again into the wet silicone with a silent cry.

[inhalareexhalare]

.

.

.

.

With a spiritual kiss of "we'll meet again," I leave a sleeping Karu with a promise to bring home a pasalubong.

Pasalubong may be translated into souvenir but all the pure gentle love and homely coziness of the word is sacrificed, so here: pasalubong.

Today I traverse an unfamiliar path.

So much excitement!

I haven't felt like this in a long, long time. As expected, I overestimate time. I'll probably reach our meeting point very early haha

2018-11-24 09:06 Philippines Saturday

Someday, these new babies will grow a little more like this.

The Rotarian commandment slab. My mom and dad both contribute/d to this goodwill organization with blood, sweat, and tears.

Oh damn I didn't notice the smell until I looked closely. It's a dead dog's body. Looks like it was torn to pieces. Did somebody want something from its insides? The face is gone.

Cruel. I wonder what happened? And why?

Century City Mall. I reach my destination! More insight and discoveries await.

I like his brand by the way. It fits my practical needs and suits my masculine style.

All that's left is wait. Malls usually open at 1000 and this one does too apparently.

And then Isla texted me if we can meet at 1030 instead. (I thought I told her I'd be on free data haha I hope she checks her FB. Can't respond via SMS.) Sure can! This is exactly why I brought Hudson.

To Karu:

2018-11-24 09:39 Philippines Saturday

Isla's running late HAHAHA

It's unusual if on foot or within campus, but definitely usual on the road. Road plus car means heavy traffic. Hahahaha

The entrance lights are so cute, but I still think it's a waste of electricity and energy.

Five more chapters and I'm done with this book. I've decided to stop still for now though. Let the tales sink. Suck it in. Take in the environment around me.

Breathe.

Feel.

Focus.

2018-11-24 11:00 Philippines Saturday

I had the most interesting talk with Theodore today. HAHA

Ever since that day I impulsively expressed that I thought he was a chill person and I feel easily comfortable around him, he never gave up on trying to get along with me despite my seemingly cold and antisocial nature.

I'm very grateful for that. I haven't had a more one on one talk with him than this so it feels stupid yet heartwarming HAHAH

Karu's been having a lot of bloody nightmares lately. So this is what an experienced fighter can dream about. Vivid sensory pain and lucid fight sequences.

2018-11-24 11:26 Philippines Saturday

Isla and I will get noms first.

A fascinating concept. Well, the concept of a food court is old, but the way they pulled it off is new! I thought it was just one restaurant!

And wit, there is wit everywhere! The number one social language: humor.

sneakpeekLET ME IIIIN!!

okay back to food court

I am so proud of Isla. She's quitting work to pursue med schooolll CCOOOOOLLL

We talked about everything over lunch. Also the future potential Peak resident psychologist thing. She pointed out that ethically, it's not recommended for people with close association with each other to be psychologist and patient due to conflict of interest and high possibility of dependency.

I'm now wondering if it's actually God's gift that I am antisocial.

But I must be careful about this matter. I've been bothered about this topic for years. Because to my experience, most toxic feelings root from a sense of alone-ness and as cheesy as it sounds, sometimes all you need is a friend. 

Then again, a psychologist is not a hired friend. I think the better thing to do is be kind and maybe also a friend, but must focus on helping the patient make other friends, generally.

Open and widen their horizons.

On to books. There’s time!

There’s a lot I wanna showww 

also a dead fly I found n a back cover

iSN’T IT JUST AMAZING HOW THEY MANAGE TO APPRECIATE the ART OF TELLING A STORY SHORTLY ON ONE PAGE?

2018-11-24 12:00 Philippines Saturday

A LOT HAPPENED

I deviated hahahaha I didn't paint Karu as the horizon.

I painted the horizon as something in his perspective. So you could say he IS the perspective.

Early in our relationship, I used to share my anxiety to him and told him I'd be so happy to die holding hands with him.

And breaking up once in our relationship (it was a wise decision too—due to his need to clarify his own feelings on his own first), I told him how I'm happy to see the horizon beside him, "holding hands or not."

The horizon being the vision, the future, the hopes and the dreams that we move towards.

2018-11-24 16:19 Philippines Saturday

Pasalubong! A grasshopper, because he used to be nicknamed "Tipaklong" back in the varsity team (arnis, basically a wooden extension of the arm. Simply, stick arts.) Or was it back in taekwondo days?

Tipaklong is grasshopper, as you may have already guessed, and he was called that because he's swift and light on his feet. More of a kicker.

We had bloody fun today.

So much love.

My appreciation for Isla is immeasurable.

2018-11-24 18:00 Philippines Saturday

Watching Karu sleep soundly while I prepare dinner for us feels so comfy. 

This is my treasure.

It's warm in the heart. I'm happy when I see him rest because he usually barely does. And it's self-destructive.

As the second eldest in our siblings, I always had a sense of fulfillment and ease when my siblings (even the eldest brother) were at ease. 

I remember fanning my little sister Nynaeve to sleep when there was a blackout. Also patting her thigh lightly in a slow rhythm to help her get to sleep. 

I'd tell Justice (the youngest brother) stories and trivias that kept him interested, curious, and full of wonder with life until he got to sleep. 

I'd ask so many questions to Kevin, whether he knew the answer or not and watch him be passionate about some things, especially mechanical apparatus or toys.

Sigh.

Life is hard. But God is good.

2018-11-24 20:00 Philippines Saturday

An unexpected guest of Karu's is here. I quietly stepped out of the house to hang around at my secret spot again.

I don't feel hatred. Or sadness.

I'm just in my quiet space at the moment. Although I am taken aback by the (I'm sorry to say) unpleasant surprise. (I though we discussed that any guest must be given the headsup first whether it's a good time to visit here or not. Apparently it only applies to Karu, oh well x_x)

(Yknow, actually, Karu probably only forgot because he's busy tending to himself. I understand because he's currently depressed.) I'm still staying out here though. I don't wanna have to deal with people right now.

I'm making distance to give it more thought, and see a better perspective.

Karu's depressed and prefers to keep away from me. Since Gallagher is more than welcome to be in his presence, maybe that will be best.

I have a tinge of envy but I think this could help Karu sleep better.

I'm way calmer with facing my heavier moods now. That's good.

Monsters, of course, never really disappear. We don't get to destroy them. Destruction only leads to more destruction.

We don't lose our monsters. We just learn to live with them better.

Must never forget to pray.

Walking is so liberating!

2018-11-24 23:05 Philippines Saturday

Karu asked to read my entries and of course I let him.

Karu tried to explain. He said that towards myself, like to Theodore and Job, he feels like a moving-forward person. So it becomes difficult at times that he's facing a problem that he doesn't feel ready to confront yet. This is the difference with other people, who don't know his stories yet, so he can freely talk about past stuff.

I cried a bit, and tried to hide it since he didn't have to know, but he found out the truth anyway, from realizing that, in this case, he cannot rest in a place like me then.

I've become a walking irony. I'm the one who always tells him to rest, but apparently he cannot because he feels too driven to take the move forward around me, leaving behind the important patient wait for the heart to catch up.

We cleared it all out in the later half of our conversation though.

Turns out Karu has a fear of being vulnerably at his worst around me. He feels that he will destroy me like he did to other people.

He feels like I don't deserve to witness his shitty parts.

But destruction is a two-way thing. There's stimulus, and then there's reaction. He can't take all the blame for "destruction." Breaking up for example is not a full reason to lead to a person's psyche to fall apart. That didn't happen to us. In fact, it only made our individual identities stronger and more solid.

God does not allow man to separate what he has put together. For a sacred union to fall apart, there is only one reason: a severe lack of faith.

I told him he's just gonna have to trust me.

I shared how it's also difficult for me to find the words or even just the voice when I'm being shitty. But we have to strive to tell our story anyway.

That's the thing about trust.

Trust doesn't have a certain guarantee. It's a leap of faith.

I told him that I married both his two sides, I married a beautiful bipolar musical man, and I want to get to know both of them, even the shitty parts, so I can understand and give love accordingly.

I am glad that he feels somewhat better, although he is still in his down. I like how he's started to open up a little and I feel like we're closer now than ever before.

I encouraged him that when I see his shitty sides, I don't really think how shitty it is. It actually reassures me and I think, "oh, he's just as human as I am."

We hug the “night” with many lofs.

2018-11-25 03:00 Philippines Sunday

[punkwhodrinkstea-blog]

Responsibility as a Writer/Creator

Hello folks! It’s been a while… I think. I can’t keep track of how often I write blog posts, I just kinda make them as they come to mind. I have spent all of my writing time on my book, that is until this blog post. Though I’m sure I’ll get to work more on my book after writing this. Anyway I am now a part time online student and my classes are not weighing on me much. My classes are easy so far but not super enjoyable due to doing very basic tasks and seemingly useless homework. It’s not so painful that I regret it or even think I should have done something different which is good cause I am learning, brushing up on skills and getting better at using Adobe products and that is the goal, so I can’t complain. It could certainly be worse, in fact I am currently empathizing with my girlfriend right now. She often puts too much pressure on herself and it is the end of her school semester and she’s been stressed and busy. I can actually feel it and I’ve tried to help as much as I can to save her from the hussle and bussle of highschool pressure. She’s only got a couple easy art/media exams which I’m sure she’ll make look easy. Actually other than her stress, life has been pretty great. I have a good healthy lifestyle right now other than maybe not enough sleep. I’m averaging somewhere between 6-8 hours of sleep  then I work for 4 hours a day. I generally get home and make myself a healthy lunch and then either play video games, work on art or write. Next I do a couple hours of homework and then use the night to either be more productive on things or chill out reading, writing or I end my night off with an episode of Anime or a match of a videogame. I have no complaints. But I do have thoughts, let’s get into that.

So as the title of this post says, I think every writer or creator of any kind has a responsibility. That responsibility is to create something that should point the view to something positive. I’m going to use the original Pokemon TV show as an example. This show starts of with Ash who wants to be a Pokemon Master (who doesn’t?) But he starts off so dumb and rash. He’s cocky, ignorant and has few values other than catching Pokemon and winning battles. Each episode has some sort of life lesson or shows the viewer how to be a good person and have good morals. Now I’m not saying everything we write and create has to have this type of lesson incorporated into each episode because I’m sure most people are making things more complicated or are trying to express something more than that. Perhaps you are trying to show something that’s evil or dark in some why. Also I am not saying that the protagonist can’t be a bad person either. A great example there would be the Anime, Death Note. The main protagonist starts off as an understandable person who wants to create a “necessary evil” to rid the world of bad people. He trusts that his moral compass is worthy to be the world standard and therefore he will decide who lives and who dies based on their actions. However he is consumed with his vision and hopes to be “the god of the new world” as he puts it. This is when he goes off the rails and his evil intent is made more clear. For a while I was actually on his side in thinking yes, the human race sucks and deserves some more punishment for those who are rapists, murderers and overall morally crappy people. But things change and eventually even the viewer (in this case me) begins to want him dead. So back to this responsibility thing; we need to make it clear what is good and what is bad and what is realistic. For example when you watch a chick flick they all to often do things that are immoral and unrealistic but is treated as if it’s a good, normal thing that can happen to anyone. I mean people don’t fall in love after the first date and then have magical uhh “adult time” that night because they are great people who truly love each other. This never happens! If you can get that attached to someone that fast and get so intimate that fast, it’s because you’re probably an idiot and/or a slut. This also goes for action movies though. Like when a girl with flawless hair, skin and a revealing outfit is wielding a gun and somehow walks away looking perfect without her makeup ruined or a hair out of place. Now I understand that hollywood wants us to believe that their world of perfect people and perfect everything is cool and entertaining but really we all walk away holding an unrealistically high expectation for ourselves and sometimes others. Another thing we must craft carefully is the personality of a person in the world they are in. My example this time is a newer movie “Baby Driver”, it’s a great movie but sadly it has already broken now two of the things I think is a little irresponsible of the creator. First was the instant “Love” thing, but at least these two didn’t sleep together. The other is the main character’s personality, He’s a good kid with a great moral compass who is genuinely happy. That’s not bad but his lack of talking in most scenes is along with always wearing earbuds. He has tinnitus so he is always listening to music to drown out the ringing in his ears. However if I went through life always with earbuds in my ears others wouldn’t like me too much (not like many people like me anyway). I mean it’s simply considered rude and it is also impractical. Lastly he rarely talks, it’s not like he’s introverted, which he is but it’s to the point where if this was real life other people would get annoyed that he never communicates. However because it’s a movie the writer and director could make a world and other people somehow tolerate these impractical things and in this case even make it look cool. Actually sorry one more thing.

I just think that a writer (or other creators) should make the characters get treated accordingly to how they act and what they do. Instead of things somehow always workout in their favor. By creating a world that favors the main character and by making seemingly perfect people makes the story less believable and just another thing that we compare ourselves to which we can’t realistically reach. Now I know most characters in movies aren’t perfect but let's face it, the world they are put in makes even the main character’s flaws seem like a good thing and I think that those flaws should have a little backlash in the world. Like I said, don’t make the world favor the main character and reward them for their flaws. My thoughts are really scrambled but I think the point I’m trying to make has been made.

Next I want to focus on flaws but not just in the sense of storytelling. I want to talk about how flaws can be a good thing and a bad thing. Flaws in a person can be bad in obvious ways. You know if someone’s greedy they won’t likely help others or their actions will be self serving at the cost of others. What about other little flaws like let’s say snoring? This is an imperfection in the human respiratory system somewhere between the mouth and lungs. (I’m not a science person). However from my perspective when my girlfriend does this sorta strange snore thing when she sleep. I find it adorable and relaxing. These are how flaws are made to be viewed when a main character has a flaw and the views/readers are exposed to it in such a way that it seems to become a good thing. Now I Love my girlfriend and I adore her cute snoring but technically it’s an imperfection in the respiratory system (actually in this case it has something to do with tonsils), I’m going to miss it when it’s gone. In fact I learned some of this from a great movie called “Good Will Hunting”. Basically a wise older guy is bestowing his nugget of wisdom upon a delinquent boy about a true relationship. He’s talking about a romantic relationship but what he says can apply to all relationships. Basically he talks about how when you get to know someone more and more you will find more and more qorks, strange habits, flaws and insecurities. But don’t let these things stop you from liking them, loving them and don’t let them be a reason to stop the relationship or to stop getting closer in the relationship. He says these are some of the most valuable things in the relationship, the things we bond over and things we grow from and through. My best example is my girlfriend and I who are filled with insecurities and flaws but we don’t let this get in the way of loving the other as much as we possibly can. We value these things and those problems and insecurities are there for us to help one another overcome them and grow as both a couple and individually. Long story short DO NOT underestimate the value of flaws and qorks in a person. Now of course if the person is a down right dick then perhaps keep your distance. Back to the story thing is that sometimes these flaws are down right bad, for example Katniss from the hunger games who is a down right jerk to those around her but is she known as a jerk? No. She’s instead referred to as “strong” or “independant”, this was irresponsible of the writer because now we have a bunch of girls who think it’s ok to be acting like a bitch as a sign of being strong and independent when it’s not and it’s not ok. But maybe I’ll talk more about that sort of thing another time.   

Anyway I’m done. Just done with writing for today. I just want fill you in on a great blessing I got and something I haven’t talked  much about here on my blog. This blessing is my car. Now it’s most teenagers dream to get a car due to it looking cool and feeling independant and I sorta get it now. I mean I am well out of highschool now and my girlfriend is about a 30 minute drive from my house so I can’t really bus or bike down the highway. But what is a good life lesson here is that I originally wanted a different car. It was double the price and had a couple very minor issues. However it didn’t workout and I ended up finding the car I own now. It’s a silver Toyota Yaris, the most generic small hatchback car you will ever… not notice. However it’s amazing. It’s small size make it great at everything except slippery roads and really windy days. However I am still using summer tires in the winter and I’m yet to having any close calls or any concerns. Next it can turn on a dime making parking lots and U-turns a breeze. Also due to it being a hatchback it actually has a ton of room for a car it’s size. Fold down the back seats and you have enough room for a queen size bed and a bike or two. Lastly is that it’s great on gas. Also it doesn’t have power windows or any fancy media tech like Bluetooth or anything so my girlfriend get to make old school CD’s for my car. Maybe I’m just really positive but I think this is better than having the newer built in hard drives that new cars have. This forces me and my girlfriend to have to put more effort and thought into what we’ll be listening too as we drive and therefore not just anything. Maybe I’m old school or hipster but having actual CD’s for us to look through, collect and bond over will be fun. Also roll down windows are fun for drive throughs haha. Anyway sorry my post felt so uhhh… all over the place. I’m gonna go. Peace out!