#How to delete AOL account

[gffa]

The amount of quality fandom interactions and fics on Livejournal (and other fandom specific sites) that has been lost to time is obscene.

Truly one of the things I lament the most. 😢

I know technically Livejournal is still around and a lot of it is still there, but trying to find anything these days, between all the deleted or banned accounts or locked accounts where the owner no longer checks if you're asking for access, and no real way to find people there unless via sheer luck, makes it feel like it's just gone. And it's really hard to emphasize just how much authors weren't posting everything to AO3 or Fanfiction.Net, even if they used them a lot of authors only posted their "bigger" fics there. And I love that AO3 has the Open Doors project, but let me tell you, every time I get the urge to go back through old Highlander fics, I have to deal with this all over again, because so many people used to upload to the webspace AOL gave them or their local ISP gave them, and some of them just aren't findable anymore, even with the Wayback Machine. It helps a lot, but so much is still just gone, especially if it was a smaller anime/manga archive. Or all the fic that I used to read on the Bludhaven mailing list, so much of which also never got put up on Fanfiction.Net, like coming back to Batfandom after having left so long ago, it's been amazing to see just how much things have exploded since then, now that AO3 is the default place to read fic and most people actually use it and it's been wonderful, but there's a lot that I don't know if I'll ever see it again because I read it on non-centralized fic places. I love Tumblr, it's got that batshit quality that I have come to fully embrace, but I still really miss Livejournal, I made the best friends there, I had the best discussions there, I read the best fic there, you guys don't know how good of a platform it was in its heyday unless you were there, too. (Tbf, it's not for everyone, that's fine, but if you vibed with it, LJ was incredible--100 ICONS and MOOD THEMES and THREADED COMMENTS, god, we didn't know how good we had it at the time.)

[aceparagoned]

out of uniform: sorry for not being around too much during the weekend. in regards to the post i made to explain some things, i decided to venture down memory lane, so to speak, about an incident mentioned in that post that i feel like the authors of the callout made about me thought that i was the sole person responsible for said incident when i wasn't. others also participated in the mess, so they are also at fault here. so this is my attempt to set things straight.

i'll discuss it further under the cut.

I've spent the past weekend combing through posts in relation to in 2011 where I've been accused of accusing someone of being a rapist, which turned out to be a false identification on someone else's part. Now, none of this is to absolve me of my involvement in the matter by trying to gather what information I could on the accused. It's here that I was, and I quote, a "dumbass plurk witch hunter" by participating in these two long-deleted plurks that, to my knowledge, have no archive elsewhere (Pastebin wasn't as commonly used back then to archive plurks for evidence down the line, and I have no idea how to search through that site to see if it's still archived, especially since the person could have set an expiration timer on it.) Again, this is just so that I can set things straight to where I wasn't the sole person responsible for this mess back in 2011.

This is the thread where I, and other people, were called a "dumbass plurk witch hunter" (playagame is one of my very old plurk accounts that has a lot of shit on it that I wish I never put out there) and the very last comment on the thread was from me saying that I did send him a PM to apologize. Evidence of this apology, though, was deleted by LiveJournal themselves because I know that I tend to not mass delete things, even if they're years old at this point. I also confirmed again, this time on my very old plurk account, that I had sent him an apology. (Please disregard the last comment I, as FREE☠JOKER made there since at the time, I had the emotional sympathy of a dumbass.) For even further proof that I apologized to him, here's a cap I took of my archived LJ post hosted on my Dreamwidth account. I am also still trying to log in to my Dropbox account where I at least have the conversation saved from Trillian and not LiveJournal.

This is the extent of my involvement where I tried to dig up information on him, but I was not the one who made the very false connection between him and the TC in question. This is from a private conversation I had with one of my friends that has known me since I was a cringy ass preteen who thought they knew everything about the world when, in fact, I knew nothing. If you'd like the full conversation for full context, then I don't mind providing it.

However, I did find these two posts from an account, whyljrpwhy, that is veritably not mine by a long shot. Whenever I made a new account, I tended to use keywords for my icons like these while whyljrpwhy uses keywords like these for their icons. That, and I've never had the email mostlybutthurt@priest.com before. I've normally used AOL, Yahoo, or Gmail for pretty much everything.

This originally was hosted on tumblr in the form of these PSAs: (this one has the link to the fandomsecrets post where the warning was crossposted here.) In the thread itself, you'll see where whyljrpwhy had some supremely bad takes in general for the whole situation that they were rightfully called out for, even when speaking to the TC that had been falsely accused of something as serious as this.

Once again, this post in no way absolves me of what I did back in 2011. I fully acknowledge what I did was wrong by trying to gather information on an individual that had nothing in common with the person being warned about, only that they both shared the alias TC. I've since tried, and still do try, my best to be the best person I can and learn from my mistakes.

Thank you, once again, for reading this post. Hopefully this is the last time I need to address this.

[baldursgateanon]

The OC discourse is getting pretty toxic to the point where I think the mod might need to step in (hint, hint) and either way I think we're all getting sick of it, but just want to say one thing:

General disdain if not outright hatred of OCs and pairing them with canon chatacters is 100% not a new thing or a consequence of algorithm-poisoned TikTok teens not understanding fandom etiquette or whatever.

Fucking hell, if only I could take you guys time traveling back to fandom circa 2002 to see how good you have it now. The Mary Sue hunters would eat you alive. There would be entire livejournal communities devoted to sporking your OCs. Everyone would be holding your OCs up to the offical Mary Sue Litmus Test and scoring them out of 100 points. People would make parody comics making fun of all of the cliches you used in creating your OC and they'd post trollfics on fanfiction.net where your OC got hunted down and murdered by the entire cast of your favorite series. If you openly admitted to writing a blatant self-insert you'd be flamed to a crisp and sent so much hatemail you'd probably have to delete your aol account.

I don't hate OCs myself, nor do I think people should be bullied for creating them, but I wanted to point out that other fans have always had strong feelings about them and some people are just never going to like them. If anything, modern fandom is way more accepting of OC-centric content and the inherently amaturish and self-indulgent nature of fanworks than it used to be. You can tell people to block and move on all you want, but the fact remains that if you publish something online people are going to react to it, and not all those reactions will be positive.

.

[conquestable]

ive been writing fanfiction since 2005 and ive been slowly collecting old fics from other websites and old accounts to add to my current one, although nothing exists anymore that predates 2011 and nothing that old is any good anyway, but i think its cute and charming to see how far ive come in all this time, and even if theyre not "good" its still fun for me personally to re-read some of them

i remember obsessively rping in spiral notebooks with my best friend in the sixth grade, shaking her to keep her awake with me as she desperately tried to fall asleep, but i craved it, my villain origin story

i remember making character accounts in aol chat rooms and hunting for other rpers in any given fandom and religiously deleting the browsing history so my parents wouldnt find out HAHA (dont even get me started on omegle)

[askprobforum]

How To Unsubscribe From Paid Services On AOL Mail Account?

Aol offers free and premiem both types of services. some of their services are free like- Email, search engine and News. meanwhile, they have some set of paid services as well. in which, you have to pay some small fee to access them. For Example- AOL desktop gold.

If you have currently subscribed for some paid aol service, and now you are regrating about why did you do that? do not worry, AOL mail allows you to unsubscribe from those services at any given time. If you don't know how to do that? do not worry, I am here to help you with that.

How To Unsubscribe For AOL mail service?

First of all, you need to log into the AOL mail account through which, you have subscribed to the services.

Now Go to the account info section and click on the preferences option.

Once you will reach to the preferences, here you need to scroll down to reach to the paid services section.

Now click on the subsribe or unsubscribe paid services option.

Finally, you need to select the service and click on the unsucribe option available next to it.

That's it you have unsubcribed for your AOL mail account services. in case, if you want to permanently delete the AOL mail account. you need to visit askprob blogs. there you will find the complete guide.

[chris-durand]

Social Media Comm Blog #1

Tumblr Blog #1

Although there has been an extreme rise in how social media affects our everyday lives, I do remember a time before apps like Instagram and Snapchat came into my peripheral. It wasn’t until the early 2010s that I first took notice of social media in its current form. Some could argue that communicating with strangers on Roblox or using AOL chatrooms was the original social media, and they’d be correct. However, the evolution from then up until now has shown a vast growth in its influence on society. Defining social media in basic terms would oversimplify a complicated and diverse way of communicating, but, using a more detailed definition could lead to issues in the future. If social media and online communication change in a way that has not been foreseen, a singular basic definition cannot be tied to something so impermanent. Therefore, social media’s definition can only be defined by its most current status, which is everchanging. I personally define social media as a platform of communication used between civilians, corporate bodies, and most recently artificial intelligence to spread information (and misinformation) on the World Wide Web.

My first introduction to social media was via Instagram in 2012 when the company first went public. Although it was a hot new craze, Instagram had the same novelty feeling as any other useless app on an early-generation iPhone/iPod. As years went on, however, Instagram became a permanent staple in how we communicate and view one another. Then came Snapchat, a video-sharing and messaging app that had a feature where all public posts had a shelf life of twenty-four hours before disappearing. Over the subsequent decade (2013-2023), Snapchat became a cesspool of people who garnered clout and social status by romanticizing their own lives, which is a phenomenon that has plagued people my age for years. From my experience, nothing good ever happens on Snapchat. 

I see myself as being a very socially conscious user of social media, limiting my time on the internet and doing everything in my power to not get bogged down by the microcosm social media algorithms have curated for me. I am constantly deleting and redownloading apps, a struggle I have been fighting since making my first Instagram account back in grade school. While I am able to limit my own use significantly, those who can’t should not be blamed for insane average screen times and constant internet usage. I use social media in passing, whereas others may use it as an escape or alternative to the physical world. Many people born in the late 1990s to early 2000s are children of the internet and have inadvertently been the driving force behind social media’s explosion. It has been curated for us by people and industries who had no foresight as to what their ideas would do to our brains and culture. Now everyone has ADHD, and that’s real. 

I am anti social media. I have no actual use for it other than using it as a form of entertainment when I’m bored (i.e. Instagram Reels, Twitter feed). However, I can recognize that there are many ways to use social media for productive purposes. I would like to understand this new facet of life that I have grown up with and fought against. In many ways, I have been indoctrinated, pandered to, and have had the agency to use the internet freely taken from me without the very obvious presence of an algorithm choosing what I see (and what I don’t see). I would like this class to give me a larger perspective as to what social media can do for me and how it can be used for something other than consumption or political propaganda.

[chrisjdurand]

COMM-1400-600 Tumblr Blog #1

Although there has been an extreme rise in how social media affects our everyday lives, I do remember a time before apps like Instagram and Snapchat came into my peripheral. It wasn’t until the early 2010s that I first took notice of social media in its current form. Some could argue that communicating with strangers on Roblox or using AOL chatrooms was the original social media, and they’d be correct. However, the evolution from then up until now has shown a vast growth in its influence on society. Defining social media in basic terms would oversimplify a complicated and diverse way of communicating, but, using a more detailed definition could lead to issues in the future. If social media and online communication change in a way that has not been foreseen, a singular basic definition cannot be tied to something so impermanent. Therefore, social media’s definition can only be defined by its most current status, which is everchanging. I personally define social media as a platform of communication used between civilians, corporate bodies, and most recently artificial intelligence to spread information (and misinformation) on the World Wide Web.

My first introduction to social media was via Instagram in 2012 when the company first went public. Although it was a hot new craze, Instagram had the same novelty feeling as any other useless app on an early-generation iPhone/iPod. As years went on, however, Instagram became a permanent staple in how we communicate and view one another. Then came Snapchat, a video-sharing and messaging app that had a feature where all public posts had a shelf life of twenty-four hours before disappearing. Over the subsequent decade (2013-2023), Snapchat became a cesspool of people who garnered clout and social status by romanticizing their own lives, which is a phenomenon that has plagued people my age for years. From my experience, nothing good ever happens on Snapchat. 

I see myself as being a very socially conscious user of social media, limiting my time on the internet and doing everything in my power to not get bogged down by the microcosm social media algorithms have curated for me. I am constantly deleting and redownloading apps, a struggle I have been fighting since making my first Instagram account back in grade school. While I am able to limit my own use significantly, those who can’t should not be blamed for insane average screen times and constant internet usage. I use social media in passing, whereas others may use it as an escape or alternative to the physical world. Many people born in the late 1990s to early 2000s are children of the internet and have inadvertently been the driving force behind social media’s explosion. It has been curated for us by people and industries who had no foresight as to what their ideas would do to our brains and culture. Now everyone has ADHD, and that’s real. 

I am anti social media. I have no actual use for it other than using it as a form of entertainment when I’m bored (i.e. Instagram Reels, Twitter feed). However, I can recognize that there are many ways to use social media for productive purposes. I would like to understand this new facet of life that I have grown up with and fought against. In many ways, I have been indoctrinated, pandered to, and have had the agency to use the internet freely taken from me without the very obvious presence of an algorithm choosing what I see (and what I don’t see). I would like this class to give me a larger perspective as to what social media can do for me and how it can be used for something other than consumption or political propaganda.

[liquidcrystalsky]

okay i dont wanna wait for this poll to end. vote before reading i guess lol

it's email!

when you send an email, it uses the "Simple Mail Transfer Protocol" to send that to an email server. When you want to read your emails, you use the "Internet Message Access Protocol" to retrieve it from the server.

It uses two seperate protocols instead of just one. With IRC messages are sent to the server and then relayed to users immediately. while you can log messages, it's rarely done, so if you're not online you just wont be able to see the message (this is why IRC has status indicators. they are due to a limitation of an old ass protocol. we dont need them anymore).

By storing messages on the server and using a seperate protocol to retrieve them, you can get messages while you're offline and read them from wherever, whenever. There's also the Post Office Protocol (POP3) which is a bit of an older method, which is mostly meant to be used on One computer. Where instead of access an email from the server, it downloads the email to the device, and (most of the time but not required) deletes the mail from the server.

While there's more protocols and standards to set up like MX, SPF, DKIM, and DMARC, IMAP/SMTP are the basic ones you really need. They're open internet standards which can be implemented by any company or individual and it allows for communication across whatever services. It's how email has existed almost completely unchanged for 50 years. People still use their email accounts from the 90s now. Every website requires you to use an email to create an account.

THIS IS WHY i believe we should stop hopping from one centralized platform to another. Oh aol sucks lets move to skype oh skype sucks lets move to discord oh discord sucls lets move to revolt.

Revolt is fine, but can you guarentee it will still be in a year? 5 years? 10? not really. everything on revolt is centralized to a server. yes it's open source, but that server can shut down. They can make bad decisions as well too with privacy or security.

This is not an issue with matrix (incorrectly referred to as Element), because it's the same type of thing as email. if you dont like a service because they changed something or did something you dont like, you can just switch to a different one or host your own one and you're still able to talk to and communicate with everyone you had before.

sure, it's some work to tell everyone to go to your new address instead, but it's much better than failing to convince most of your friends to switch over to something different, causing you to have to choose to stay on a platform you hate, or risk never talking to your online friends again.

for social media the internet standard is "ActivityPub", you'll see it on mastodon (which i found out, if you add a line at the end of your post with only tags, it will move that to a seperate section like tumblr does, at least on the web view, doesn't on the official app) but hey no need to do anything, because (if it doesnt die) tumblr is working on adding activitypub support already, and i honestly believe it'll happen because WordPress already supports it, and tumblr's moving it's backend to it

If you are tired of moving platforms for everything all the time and keeping track of 100 new different platforms where everyone is spreading out to, the only way to solve this is to use open internet federated standards.

[golddesktoppro]

Top Ways How to Delete AOL account

You may want to delete your AOL account if you no longer wish to use it. Deleting an AOL account is a straightforward process that can be completed in just a few steps. Firstly, log in to your AOL account and navigate the account settings page. Find the option to manage your account and click on it. Then, find the option to delete your account and click on it. You may be asked to provide a reason for deleting your account. After selecting a reason, you will be prompted to confirm that you want to delete your account. Our team of experts can guide you in more detail on how to delete an AOL account once you contact us.  

[aolemail]

How to Delete AOL Account

Do you feel it is necessary to How to Delete AOL Account and you want to know how to delete an AOL account? Many users want to know how to delete an AOL account for various reasons? You may need to switch to any other email service, or want to delete your AOL account for privacy reasons, you need to follow the appropriate steps. Now, you don’t have to waste time visiting multiple websites to delete your account. Users can view complete information about it here.

[aolhomepage]

How to delete AOL account

AOL Mail is a free email application used by many users all over the world. AOL Mail allows users to customize and supervise information in peace. This can be in some way similar to creating and using folders, monitoring AOL plans, organizing messages, etc. Still, when users need to delete unwanted emails on AOL, deleting all AOL Mail messages at once will be a nightmare. Do you want to How to delete AOL account

? If yes, then your wait is finally over! In this blog, let us study the bulk email deletion method.

The AOL e-mail application provides its users with incredible customization capabilities for changing e-mail information. It can be accessed for free and is available for all web browsers. In addition, AOL is known for its ability to store large amounts of information documents in its large storage space.

Not only that, but AOL Mail also offers incredible protection against viruses, spam, and online attacks. Nevertheless, even after becoming a reliable and secure email program, there are still some problems that may prevent customers from using the features or doing any work. Many customers keep all of their basic information, such as bank instructions, any official documents, payroll, etc. How to delete AOL account

[askprobforum]

How Do I Fix AOL mail disappeared Problem?

I understand your concern about missing emails in your AOL Mail. If you're experiencing issues with AOL old email disappeared, there are several steps you can take to troubleshoot the problem:

Check Spam/Junk Folder: Sometimes, emails can end up in the spam or junk folder by mistake. Make sure to check these folders regularly to see if your missing emails are there. If you find them there, mark them as "Not Spam" or move them to your inbox.

Filters and Rules: Check if you have set up any filters or rules that may be directing incoming emails to specific folders or labels. Adjust or delete any rules that might be causing emails to be missed.

Storage Limit: AOL Mail has a storage limit, so if your mailbox is full, you may not receive new emails. Delete unnecessary emails or archive them to free up space.

Blocked Senders: Ensure that you haven't accidentally blocked the email addresses of senders whose emails you're missing. Go to your settings and review your blocked senders list.

Email Forwarding: If you have set up email forwarding, ensure that it is configured correctly. Emails might be getting forwarded to another address, and that's why you're not seeing them in your AOL inbox.

Check Other Folders: AOL Mail may automatically categorize emails into folders like "Social," "Promotions," or "Updates." Check these folders to see if your missing emails are there.

Check on Multiple Devices: If you access your AOL Mail on multiple devices (e.g., computer, smartphone, tablet), make sure that the issue is consistent across all devices. This will help you determine if the problem is specific to one device or platform.

AOL Server Status: Occasionally, AOL may experience server issues that can affect email delivery. Check the AOL Server Status page or their official social media accounts for any known outages or service disruptions.

Clear Browser Cache: If you're accessing AOL Mail through a web browser, try clearing your browser's cache and cookies. Sometimes, cached data can cause display issues.

Contact AOL Support: If none of the above steps resolve the issue, it's a good idea to reach out to AOL Mail support for further assistance. They can provide specific guidance and investigate the problem if it's related to their servers or systems.

Remember to keep your AOL Mail account secure and avoid sharing your password with anyone. Additionally, regularly updating your password is a good practice to maintain account security.

[whysojiminimnida]

It saddens me to see Jikook supporter and translator accounts bullied off SM platforms. I fully respect people doing what is right for their mental health if they find the pressure gets to be too much. I just hate to see the trolls win and wonder whether you, as a grown adult who has demonstrated the ability to delete toxic comments and tell off the crazies when necessary, have some tips you can share to help others be strong.

Hi anon, I dunno if I'm the best advice rabbit, but I'll just share anyway because, well, you're here, so. And I have seen a few "goodbye social media" posts lately. I have seen many, many posts like that over my *coughdecadescough* years online.

Listen, kids, it's a rule of the internet. If you're gonna leave, LEAVE. This whole idea of "my mental health is suffering because I cannot disengage the entertainment part of my brain from my actual real social life and I need you all to understand that" is, at best, unhealthy. It smacks of attention-seeking and an inability to be proactive without constant external feedback. A short explanation is fine if you're a large account, but...

...nobody needs to read pages of drama about how you simply cannot anymore. If you can't, don't. YOU ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN SOME EPHEMERAL IDEA OF ONLINE REACH. Say that again if necessary. Into the mirror. Out loud. "Go outside and touch some grass" is actually a very good strategy for dealing with online stressors.

This is not to give people a rough time or to minimize someone's hurt feelings or pain, at all. I'm just gonna tell you how it WAS, and then how it IS:

In the early years of the interwebz, the place of AOL and Myspace and Blogspot and (gasp) the /b/ board at 4chan, we called ourselves "fags" and new people were "cancer". If you wrote a whole "goodbye cruel internet" post it was likely to get you doxxed, published, and a crisis team called to your house. YOU THINK I AM JOKING, I AM NOT JOKING. We didn't do anything if it wasn't behind seven proxies and jokes about everything were on the table. It was the Wild West, much more than the gatekeeping and "we don't assume X about Y" that we see in 2022. And to be honest people did harm themselves over it then just like they do now. Difference is, excepting a few white knights, most people figured that was a you problem. The 90s and early 00s were not a sensitive time. If you couldn't hang you were teased mercilessly and then forgotten, to be replaced with another kid whose mother would get a call at work from a random stranger in Ohio, telling her that her kid was at home looking at gay dolphin porn and needed an adult.

My advice for not letting trolls win? DON'T LET THE FUCKING TROLLS WIN. Seriously, that's it. It's not that hard. But let me break it down for you:

1. TURN IT OFF. Leave your phone (gasp) on the charger, kill your laptop, and GO THE FUCK OUTSIDE.

2. LEAVE IT OFF UNTIL YOU GAIN SOME PERSPECTIVE OR FEEL BETTER. Seriously, entire generations of people grew up without a phone attached to their hand. Some of us had CORDS on ours and they were located IN THE HOUSE and we had to SHARE THEM. You will not die if you unplug for ten minutes. My god I sound like my father DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU PEOPLE ARE TURNING ME INTO

3. LITERALLY GO OUTSIDE. For something other than school or work. If you have not seen the daytime sky in awhile now is a great time for that. Or the nighttime sky. Get on a roof DON'T JUMP and fucking BREATHE AIR. Your body probably needs the quiet time. 4. TALK TO A HUMAN FACE TO FACE. Who does not live in your house. It can be a store clerk (BE NICE) or a bus driver or your elderly neighbor. Doesn't have to be long, just "Hello" or "You look nice today" or something that isn't "screaming shaking crying please come home Jimin".

And this sounds really extreme BECAUSE IT IS: IF YOU NEED TO SAVE YOUR SANITY AND IT IS THAT SERIOUS, LEAVE THE FANDOM FOR AWHILE. I mean it. I unplug this monster about once a week for a couple of days just to experience life and nurture actual relationships with real people who are not behind a screen. But if you are finding yourself unable to disengage, you may want to, I dunno, TAKE A DANCE CLASS or JOIN A STAMP COLLECTING CLUB or GO GET A HICKEY, whatever works for you. Smile at someone. Look them in the eye. Remind yourself that you are human and often, what you are perceiving is what is being fed to you from behind a screen. We do not live in an alternate universe storyline. Cook actual food. Clean your space. Listen to NON-BTS MUSIC FOR FIVE MINUTES. Volunteer at a nursing home or assisted living facility or your city's animal shelter, if you can. TAKE A WALK. And above all, remember that BTS are ENTERTAINERS. That means they are here to ENTERTAIN US. If you are not having a good time it is time to step out of the vehicle and catch it on the next round.

I love you all. I'm sorry if I sounded like your dad or my dad. Please stay safe out there. And if you need a break I'll be here when you get back. OKAY?!?! OKAY!!! (/jungkoo)

[more-than-a-princess]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. ( REPOST DO NOT REBLOG ! )

NAME: Rae

PRONOUNS: She/Her. I try not to mind this too much but I really prefer she/her.

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: Discord first and foremost if I’m chatting with mutuals I’m threading with or will be threading with soon. Tumblr IMs are fine otherwise.

NAME OF MUSE(S): Sonia Nev.ermind

EXPERIENCE/HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): I’ve been writing since a year that begins with 19. I’ve come to accept I’ve been writing longer than some muns have been alive. Do not get me started on ‘back in my day’ stories about fandom and roleplaying communities.

PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED: In somewhat chronological order? AOL, Yahoo, AIM, YIM, Yahoo!Groups, Livejournal, Deadjournal/Greatestjournal, forums and emails, and tumblr. I missed the Myspace/Facebook/Twitter era of RP, mostly due to university monopolizing most of my time.

BEST EXPERIENCE: Meeting some RP friends in real life! We aren’t as close as we used to be, but I have acquaintances that I began writing with over 20 years ago, and I last saw one of them about 10 years or so. Real life jobs and new fandoms/interests/hobbies make it hard, but we stay in touch via Facebook.

RP PET PEEVES/DEALBREAKERS: I have a lot of these, to be honest. Most of them I tend to just ignore the best I can, or I choose not to write with someone because of it. But the top three that annoy me (beyond formatting issues) are:

1. Not writing rules or bios and not reading rules or bios. For the most part, content and style differences can be accounted for and addressed early as long as muns both write and read rules and bios. Where bios are concerned, description definitely helps, even with ‘popular’ canon muses. It gives me an idea of how you see and describe your muse, as opposed to bullet point facts (age/race/sexual orientation/etc).

2. Muns who continuously ask for memes and new threads while not replying to any of the interactions they currently have. Mostly as this often leads to no real character growth or development and an overwhelmed mun restarting all of their interactions or the blog itself. To be fair, I understand if someone is new or has unexpected life issues that result in this: this is more for the chronic meme/thread hoarders who delete and restart constantly. I feel like those muns don’t really care for writing at all, just notifications and asks. Which is off-putting.

3. Muns who continuously ask for romantic ships while not replying to threads/interacting with blogs. This is mostly because I don’t write an insta-ship muse, I write a slow-burn muse, and generally approach romantic relationships based on threads and IC interactions: let her meet your muse first and get to know them, and see if the chemistry is there. I don’t go into writing with a mun with a romantic ship in mind, right off the bat: mostly because it’s hard to deliver with threads if my muse just isn’t feeling it.

However, I recognize it can help break the ice, and plot, for some mutuals to establish a romantic ship immediately. It just doesn’t work for my muse, and so I tend to be uninterested in writing romantic ships with blogs who continuously keep asking for them. Can’t our muses meet as friends, to start at least? ☹️

FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: Yes. I write all of these, as long as they make sense for the thread and interaction, and my writing partner is comfortable with these topics.

PLOTS OR MEMES: Also yes! I just don’t like one-liners or starter calls, mostly: I like having the guideline of a meme or a plot idea for someone before I write a starter.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: Long. It’s always been that way for this blog. I use shorter replies as crack threads with mutuals, usually ones I have other established threads/interactions with.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: mid-afternoon to evening, after work and after I’ve had some caffeine in me. I’m most grouchy and tired in the morning, the entire morning.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): Sonia and I have some common interests and, since my own style veers on the side of classic, vintage, and feminine, I do style her in clothing pieces I own or would like to. We also both come from well-off families, and sometimes I throw in details or situations I’ve either seen or have heard about from others. But she’s very chipper, optimistic, and friendly, and I’m far more blunt, cynical, and sarcastic.

Sonia loves Shi.rou Emi.ya. I love Lord El-Me.lloi II. If that doesn’t show our differences, I’m not sure what does (I don’t often have anime husbandos but the grumpy professor does it for me!).

tagged by: Stolen!

tagging: You!

[mearcatsreturns]

15 for Abby/Luka

For reasons ;)

Under a cut because it's long.

July 2003

To: Luka Kovac <“croatdoctor65@aol.com”>

From: Abby Lockhart <“nursefirecracker@yahoo.com”>

Subject: I’m drowning and praying ghosts are real

Dear Luka,

Something about knowing that I’ll never talk to you again is just unbearable. I’ll never laugh at your malapropisms, look into your beautiful eyes, feel your strong hands holding mine, or make love to you again. There won’t be any more jokes about jam and cheese on toast, or you teasing me for my weak but constant supply of coffee. I’ll never hear your amazing, deranged laughter after you prank someone again. No more of your hugs—which are somehow the best hugs in the world. Because you’re gone.

It’s been three days since we got the call telling us you died thousands of miles from home, whether that’s here in Chicago or in Croatia. I didn’t know your dad’s name, Luka. We needed to call him, and I didn’t know. How did I not know? And now I can’t. I mean, L’Alliance told us his name, but the fact that I’ll never learn pieces of your history, of the wonderful man you are, FROM you...how am I supposed to go on and live my life?

For years, I’ve thought medicine was my great thwarted love. I’ve wanted to be a doctor for so long, and I thought I was bitter about having to let go of that dream. Now I wonder. I let obstacles get in the way of pursuing medicine, and it’s made me...well, it’s part of why I was so unhappy. But that makes me think about how I also let obstacles get in the way of us. I was happy with you, you know, until I let fear and my mother and Carter get in the way. God, I wish I could do that over again. We could have had everything, and if I hadn’t gotten in my own way, I’d be happy. I think maybe I could have made you happy, too.

It’s funny. I knew things with Carter weren’t working, and he implied you were part of it. I said it wasn’t, but then five minutes later, I found out you were—are—dead. And I realized you were the reason, or one of the big ones. As soon as Chuny told me, I knew I loved you and had loved you for years. Yeah. Great timing, isn’t it? I keep thinking that maybe I could have kept you from going if I had known or if I had told you. I didn’t want you to go when I thought you were my very attractive friend and ex that I still was fond of. Knowing that I love you—how do I move past that? Knowing that I lost you, first to my stupidity and then to death?

I just...I miss you, and I don’t when I’ll stop, or how to. Susan caught me crying on my last shift, and I didn’t even know what to say. I feel like I’ve been crying or standing still, brittle and stuck in time, since I heard the news. I can’t, Luka. I know I have to keep on moving, and I thought maybe writing you would help. I know you’ll never see this, never have a chance to respond. But the idea that some fragments of your soul linger and can maybe sense...I don’t know. That I’m writing? What I’m feeling? Jesus, this is crazy.

All my love,

Abby

Abby angrily swipes the tears from her eyes. God, what’s the point of writing this? He’ll never see hsi email or her again. Just...without Luka, how can the world be anything but grim and sad and pointless?

She laughs mirthlessly. Maybe it doesn’t matter. No, she knows it doesn’t. Because Abby knows the futility of it, aches with the meaninglessness, she presses send without another thought.

&&&

Three days after that, a miracle occurs. Luka, the Lazarus of this new millennium, comes back from the dead. He’s never been dead, and maybe, Abby thinks, there’s a God above after all. So many people wish for this exact boon, and she—they, the world—gets it. Some higher power believes this planet is a better place with Luka Kovac in it, and Abby is ecstatic.

Until she remembers the email and that they can’t be unsent.

It’s fine. She’ll be fine. Luka is coming back, apparently with a French nurse. Maybe he’ll just delete it without reading it. Maybe it didn’t go through—how does email work for the dead, and how quickly is all that processed?

Abby shakes her head. It doesn’t matter; Luka is alive and returning to them. She can handle a little awkwardness in the face of the sheer joy of knowing the world is a brighter, kinder place. He’s coming back, and that’s what’s important.

&&&

August 2003

It takes Luka almost a week after returning to Chicago to convince Kerry and the other staff to let him go back to his apartment. Even so, they only agree when Gillian assures them she’ll see to his every need.

Abby winces when she hears that, and it makes something flutter in Luka’s chest. Which probably isn’t good for his malaria, but the hope...that is.

It’s another two days of lying in bed before he has the energy to ask Gillian to bring him his laptop. At this point, it’s been months since he’s checked his email, and Luka grimaces at the undoubtedly horrible state of his inbox. He briefly considers never checking again and just getting a new one, but he knows his father struggled to add him to his contacts once already. To expect it of him again would be absurd.

With a sigh, Luka opens his email. It’s just as bad as he feared. He snorts at the myriad messages about Viagra, Nigerian princes, and Russian brides, deleting them without thought. He saves a couple from his dad. He slowly whittles down his inbox, but he freezes when he gets to one email in particular, sent about a month ago.

It’s from Abby, during the time everyone thought he was dead.

Luka considers calling and asking her if someone hacked her email or is sending spam from her account, but the subject line...it looks real. And Abby’s been odd around him lately, seeming both deliriously happy to see him and awkwardly nervous.

His heart pounds, and he clicks to open it. If this is a spammer, they’re probably about to get whatever they want.

&&&

Abby pours herself another coffee, internally swearing as she prepares for the last two hours of her shift. Deciding to go back to school is great; having to coordinate all the details is less thrilling and leaves her tired and cranky.

Frank ducks his head into the lounge, beady eyes narrowing on her. “Hey, Abby. The Croat is on the phone for you. Line 2. Try to get back out there as fast as you can, Weaver’s yelling at the med students about IVs.”

“Okay, Frank,” Abby says, though she flushes and her palms start to sweat. It’s fine. She can always hide the panic and butterflies in her stomach with sarcasm. It has yet to fail her.

Frank gives her one last suspicious look, then nods and heads back to Admit.

Abby takes a deep breath, then picks up the phone. “Hey, Luka?”

“It’s me. Glad I could reach you. How are you?” He sounds...ugh. So good. And eager and happy, and her heart could leap right out of her chest.

“Doing all right. I just have a couple hours left on this shift, and it hasn’t been too awful today. Only one MVA. How about you? You feeling okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Recovering. Listen, did you want to come over for dinner?”

“Please tell me you’re not trying to cook.”

“What? I’m a good cook, even if you don’t appreciate wonderful, traditional Croatian dishes,” he says with a chuckle.

“Luka, you just got out of the hospital five days ago. You still need to be resting.”

“Abby, don’t worry so much. I was just kidding. I have some sandwiches from Manny’s, and Anna sent me home with lots of matzo ball soup too.”

Abby bites her lip. Of course she wants to go. But the prospect of spending the evening with Gillian cooing over Luka, knowing that she shares a bed with him, is decidedly less appealing. And there’s the email she sent, which Luka hasn’t acknowledged. He might well have deleted it, or he’s giving her a gracious out.

Her conscience twinges as soon as she thinks about bailing, though. Didn’t she promise herself she wouldn’t take life for granted anymore? She’ll go back to med school, she’ll have dinner with Luka when he asks.

“Abby?”

She starts, realizing she needs to respond. “Yeah, sorry. Yeah, I can do that. I can be there an hour after my shift, if that’s okay.”

“Sounds great. Looking forward to seeing you.”

“Me too.” He has no idea how much, even if she wishes she knew for sure that he’d deleted the email.

&&&

Abby rings Luka’s doorbell three and a half hours later. She’d meant to come straight from work, but after a patient vomited on her, she decided to head home, shower, and splurge on a taxi to Luka’s. The poor man is recovering from being deathly ill and doesn’t need County’s fumes making things worse.

There’s the sound of the deadbolt sliding, and Luka answers the door, grinning happily at her. “Good, you made it! Come on in!”

“I did. Sorry it took me longer than expected.” Abby steps into his apartment, looking around. It’s been such a long time since she’s been here, and she notes the subtle changes in the art and decor.

“No worries. I know how it goes.” He places a hand at the small of her back, guiding her inside.

Abby stiffens for a second at how his touch burns even through the layers of her shirt and light jacket, but she relaxes, enjoying the feel while she waits for Gillian to appear and end the fleeting joy.

Luka is unfazed. “Now, of course we can just eat the sandwiches, but if you want to heat up the matzo ball soup, you can. Since you don’t want me standing,” he says with a wink.

Abby smiles back, shaking her head. “Oh, I see how it is. Make the woman who worked all day do more household work when she gets ho—wait, where’s Gillian? Isn’t she supposed to be taking care of you?”

“She’s not here,” he says simply.

Going to the fridge and taking out the containers of soup, Abby places them in the microwave. Is Gillian out for the evening, or is she gone gone? “Shouldn’t you be with her? Or her here with you, whatever.”

Luka is quiet for a long minute, and Abby wonders if he intends to answer. Finally, he breaks the silence. “I asked her to leave.”

Abby’s pulse speeds up. “What? Why?”

Luka takes a deep breath, clearly ready to respond, and—

The microwave dings, and they both jump. Exchanging a sheepish look, they laugh.

“Look, let’s get some food, and I’ll tell you all about it.”

Abby dishes up their soup and sandwiches, preparing trays so they can sit on the couch. Luka turns on the television, and Abby’s heart rate comes back under control. They sit together in companionable silence while they eat and watch Thom and Jai and the rest of the Fab 5 whip some hapless lawyer’s life into order. When they finish their meal, Abby cleans up, taking the trays back to the kitchen.

She heads back to the couch at the opposite end from Luka, not daring to get closer when she really has no idea what’s going on.

Luka clears his throat and mutes the TV. “So, yeah. I asked Gillian to leave.”

“Oh. So, um, did you break up?”

“She was never my girlfriend, really. She has a boyfriend back in Montreal, they just…” Luka shrugs and runs a hand through his hair.

Abby is more lost than ever. “Ah.”

Taking a deep breath, Luka continues, finally looking over at her. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful she helped me get here and took care of me, but we were never serious.”

Something starts to tug at Abby’s heart, squeezing and twisting and kicking to get free. Is it...hope? “Well, I’m glad she got you here safe, but you should have someone staying with you while you recover, Luka. Malaria is dangerous.”

He gives her a look. “I know how dangerous malaria is. I’m getting better. And besides, it wouldn’t have been fair for me to ask her to stay when things are over because I’m in love with someone else.”

Her heart leaps into her throat. “Someone else?” she squeaks.

Luka nods, swallowing. “Yeah. And I have a reason to think she might be in love with me too.” He slides over to her side of the couch, reaching for her hand.

Abby meets his eyes—those beautiful green eyes that are the best color in the world—and squeezes his hand, incapable of words. Does he mean…?

With his other hand, Luka reaches up and cups her cheek, running his thumb along the subtle arch of her cheekbone. “Abby, if you’ve changed your mind since you sent that email, please tell me to shut up.”

That stupid, ridiculous email might be the best thing she’s ever done in her life. She leans into his hand, licking her lips as she shakes her head slightly. “I haven’t changed my mind. I didn’t mean for you to see it and hoped I could learn how to hack computers and delete it but—”

Luka cuts her off. “I would never forgive you if you managed to delete it. You wouldn’t believe how much faster I healed after that.”

Abby leans forward, sliding into Luka’s waiting arms. “Then maybe I’ll write you some more emails.”

“Emails aren’t what I want right now,” Luka says.

Funny, Abby doesn’t either. Then his lips brush hers, and all her worries and fears fade away. She knows she has to tell him about med school and he needs to finish recuperating, but when Luka deepens their kiss and pulls her closer, Abby ceases to think at all.

She has Luka back, and now they have each other again.

[cwmoonglum]

The Grid of Misery

cw: suicide, self harm In 2005 the kids at my school were obsessed with a simple website lost to history that functioned as a sort of combination of twitter and PostSecret. The home page was a grid of multihued squares. Each square was a post – importantly, an anonymous post. The users could alter the text colour, formatting and background colour. There was no such thing as the like or share function. Nevertheless, this anonymous site was equally as addicting as later forms of social media, because these messages revealed the internal turmoil teenagers felt. The posts were, unless signed, untraceable. They discussed self harm, eating disorders, feeling ugly, feeling great, homosexuality, pining after crushes. Everyone in my social group used the site, and many nights were wasted in MSN Messenger group chats trying to parse the grid for clues as to the posters. Eulogies for earlier iterations of the internet often miss an important fact; the internet has always been a sad place.

I remember the first time someone online told me that they were going to kill themselves. I was 14, and posting on the Wizards of the Coast forums, specifically the Dungeons and Dragons boards. Truthfully told, I wasn't gaining much traction, because it seemed like most of the userbase was older than I was. But I did connect with one poster, Hassan, who happened to be an Assassin. By this I don't mean that he played an Assassin in D&D, though of course he did. Rather, Hassan claimed descent from an actual حشّاشين , a devotee of Rashid al-Din Sinan. Logging into AOL instant messenger, we would often discuss the exploits of the assassins during the era of the Crusades. Hassan's favourite story was that of an assassin who, as Saladin besieged their mountain fortress, entered the Sultan's war camp in the dead of night and left him a steaming plate of regional baked goods – and a poisoned dagger. Saladin switched to diplomacy after this, but Hassan was enamoured of the assassin's dedication, their willingness to risk death.

Like a lot of kids that get into D&D, Hassan wasn't too popular at school. It was also 2004, and he lived in America. As our chats went on, he began to open up; even his friends that played D&D with him were starting to get sucked up in the racist fervour around the Iraq War. Girls did not like him. His town was small, and his family isolated even as his father tried to blithely disregard the hate directed at them. Paranoid, unhappy and victimised one day he logged in and told me that he was going to kill himself by hanging. I stayed online for hours trying to talk him out of it, heart in my throat even as I grew irritated and bored with the circular logic of his depression. Our last few chats followed this pattern. Then one day he told me he was moving to college to study computer science. He never logged in from that account again; I assume he made it out alive.

In 2007, a Virginian teen was suspended from school for creating and carrying around a replica Death Note notebook. Like in the manga and the anime, he used it to record how he wanted people who victimised him to die. Going forward, there would be a spate of such incidents; many if not most moved online, using early social media or services like Formspring to create databases of gossip, bullying and venting that terrified school administrators. Wearing masks or posting anonymously allowed teenagers to express and explore extremes of feeling that were impossible in daily life. Indeed, researcher danah boyd wrote a blog post observing the phenomenon of unhappy teenagers engaging in 'digital self harm' whereby they created sock puppet accounts to bully themselves. Whether such children were trying to gain sympathy, call attention to their emotional agony or further punish themselves the internet was in effect a space for the transmission of unhappiness too overpowering to express in reality.

Much of this happened anonymously, or in digital dress up in obscure corners of the internet. Awakening one morning and checking on a forum I moderated, I found that an otherwise secretive user who refused to discuss their private life had filled the boards with graphic images of self harm. Not knowing what to do, I deleted the images, apologised to those that had seen them and spent the remainder of the week fretting that the user wasn't returning my concerned messages. Was the effect of the network a loosening of social injunctions against displaying such emotional pain, or was there a viral component whereby such thoughts and images lodged in your head? Many of the people on such boards struggled with similar problems, but there was no algorithm driving engagement as there is nowadays.

It wasn't just Hassan. There were many times I and others would befriend a stranger on the internet, only to find ourselves a few weeks later talking them down from suicide. Unprepared teenagers acting as crisis counsellors to one another through lonely nights filled with blue screen light and music piped through tinny headphones. The sheer number of such encounters informs me now that at least some of them were deliberately toying with the credulous, soft hearted fools on the other side of the screen. Another part of me objects; the urge to perform such turmoil before strangers suggests a deep loneliness that was only pretending to pretend. Like my peers on the microblogging grid site, each and every user was desperately wishing to be decoded, to have their pain revealed, affirmed, forgiven.