#Huang Renjun imagine | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

technologyculturedneo · 8 months

Text

Inhale, Exhale & Die. Huang Renjun

"You're the meaning of warm hands. Your hugs make me feel like we just met."

Pairing. Unknown!Renjun x Student!Reader ft Jeno

Synopsis. You get a message from an unknown number asking you why they shouldn't kill themselves. Thinking it's a prank, you go along with it until you realize that it's not a prank and that any minute the person behind the unknown number will jump off a building.

Genre. Angst. Strangers to lovers.

Wc. 4k

Your phone pings once, but it's enough to cause you to growl while getting your head out of the blanket as you check your phone for the fifth time. Your ex boyfriend Jeno has been trying to call you in hopes of reconciling with you. You get ready to give him a piece of your mind through a text- whoever your eyes squint when looking at the unfamiliar contact.

Unknown: Give me one reason why I shouldn't kill myself

You roll your eyes and lay back on your bed checking the time seeing that it's 6.49 am. Is someone really trying to pull your leg at this time?

You: What the hell?

Who is this?

Unknown: Thank you for responding.

You: Okay what's going on and how the fuck did you get my number?

Unknown: You don't know me.

I just messaged a bunch of random numbers and you're the first to respond. Thank you.

You: I don't understand.

Why would you do that?

Unknown: Well I wanted to see who would respond to this

The eerie vibe that fills the atmosphere of your room has you sitting up on your bed and lightly pulling the curtains back. Squinting at the light, you kneel on your bed and look out the window trying to catch any familiar face from the little crowd of students heading to their early morning classes. When you don't see anyone you know, you sit on your bed about to close the curtain and ignore the message- however your eyes catch on to something stranger.

Far into the distance, by the male dormitory building you see a figure of a person pacing on the highest roof. You instantly close the curtain, calmly laying on your bed, trying not to get worried or disturbed.

"This has to be a prank." You mutter and cautiously type on the screen of your phone after not getting a message from the person.

You: Who are you?

In a heartbeat you see the person reading and then typing out.

Unknown: A stranger. A total stranger

You: Are you…really gonna kill yourself?

You don't want to anticipate the answer but as the bubbles continuously progress on your screen, you can't help but feel worried. This prank isn't funny and whoever decided to mess with you at 6 a.m. will surely get a piece of your mind.

Unknown: I'm standing on top of a building as we speak.

I've done the math. I jump. I die.

So yes. I am going to kill myself

This causes you to fly out your bed rapidly springing the curtains open- blazing the blinding light into your room. Checking on the roof where you saw a person, you can still make out the figure walking back and forth on the ledge. You quickly reply taping on your screen furiously while your jaws tremble. "Shit,"

You: Oh my soul please don't do this.

What building are you on?

Unknown: I really can't tell you.

You: Why can't you tell me?

You need help like right now!!!

Unknown: I can't tell you because you are the one that has to do it.

You: You're fucking crazy and delusional! Please don't do this. And what do you mean I'm the one who has to do it? To do what? I'm not fucking playing.

Unknown: save me

You: I'm calling the police. Do you think this is some sort of fucking movie?

Unknown: No. Definitely don't do that

If I see the police.

I'm jumping

You're jittery and agitated, finding it hard to breathe. "Fucking hell the police are better trained than I am." You type out your words.

You: But they are more trained then i am. They can help you

Unknown: And that's exactly the problem

You: What's the problem?

Unknown: If I'm going to be saved I need someone who isn't trained.

Somebody random who doesn't know me.

For a second, you're calm and take a seat on your bed when reading the message. You hold onto your head and gulp.

You: I .. I don't understand

Unknown: If someone like that, someone like you, can convince me to live. That would prove that this world is worth a second chance..well for me.

You: You're putting a lot of pressure on me.

Am I still the only one who responded?

Unknown: I know it's a lot of pressure.

And yes you are, well others have responded but stopped.

You're still the only one willing to go this far

You: Dude you're scaring me. Please tell me this is a joke.

Unknown: You don't have to do this you know.

You don't have to do anything

You: But... I don't want you to jump if this is serious

Unknown: You're already doing your best. I won't judge you or anything like that.

Maybe i want to die, maybe my life will be more miserable if I keep going

You: No. Don’t say that. Life can be miserable and it has it's moments where it's full of shit, but it’s not miserable all the time. Please listen to me

Unknown: I'll listen to everything you have to say. When you're done. I'm either walking down the steps...

or off the roof

You: I don't even know your name

Unknown: You shouldn't. I don't want this to be too real for you... I just want to see if someone can put the effort to try and save a total stranger

You: Don't you have family?

Unknown: I do. They're all dead though

Mum, dad and brother. Car crash.

You: Oh.. I'm sorry

Unknown: It's okay...i must be taking up your time. Thank you.

You: No! You're not taking up my time.

I’m free. I’m here.

Please let me try to save you

Unknown: Okay

You inhale and exhale before laying on your bed trying to relax and calm yourself, preparing for what you'd say to this total stranger. This could still be a prank and that the person on the roof might not be the person you're talking to. Nonetheless, you open your eyes and your fingers begin typing.

You: do you think your family would've been happy if you just left like this?

Unknown: Maybe....I actually don't know

Because they're also dead, I don't think they'd be too upset

You: Don't you at least want to honor them?

Unknown: Honor them with what? The fact that I'm on this building right now should tell you that my life isn't going too well.

I would just probably disappoint them if I carried on living...again

"This has to be a prank," You shake your head.

You: You seem calm though. Calm enough to be sarcastic

Unknown: Maybe that's because I've already accepted it. I've accepted what's already going to happen

You: No! Don't say that. Don't say it like it will happen.

It won't happen.

I'm here, give me a chance....okay let's start with the basis.

Why do you want to do this? Jump off a building

Unknown: Don't have a gun. There's no way I'm drowning myself in the bathtub. Pills- will make it all go too slow.

So I figured this was the best way

You: You could regret this decision the moment you jump off

Unknown: At least it will be short lived

You: What even made you think of suicide?

Unknown: All the family I want to see, I'll never see again

Every hand I want to hold, I'll never hold again

Everything I want to be.. I can't

Except dead... I can be dead.

You: Don't say that

Unknown: I'm probably wasting your time.. this was a last resort anyway

You: No. I don't want to be responsible

It's the fact that you can't tell whether the person behind the phone is laughing at this sick twisted joke or really indecisive about jumping off a building. What's worse is that you can't even read the emotion the person is typing with- are they being serious? sincere? genuine to having this conversation...or is this all a joke? This could be one of your friends and the mere thought that they're considering suicide makes you itch with discomfort. Who is this person?

Your ears are alert when hearing a ping on your phone.

Unknown: If the only reason you're trying to convince me to live because you feel responsible then just stop.. it's getting to real for you

I already wrote a note, nobody is at home. Right now is a good time. It's early in the morning. My body will probably be disposed off before many see it.

And it's not your fault

You: Look.. I want to save you but I don't even know you

What could I say that could change your mind

Unknown: If I knew what you would say, would I really need you to say it?

Anyway... you did your best

Somebody's going to notice me up here

You: Why are you doing this?

Unknown: You've already asked that and I think me saying it over and over again won't calm my heart

You: No I mean.. you're still chatting with me...meaning you're giving yourself a chance to live

The fact that you messaged those numbers means that you have doubts about this

And that you never wanted it to end like this...

And your family wouldn't want you to go like this. And you just have me really worried...please don't do this. Please

You: ..... Are you still there...

You: Oh my god!!

You: Hello?

You sit up on your bed in haste. Your heart beating exceedingly fast in your chest. Your screen turns black just in time for you to watch your reflection as a tear falls down your eye. “No, please no.” You frantically type out on your phone.

At first you thought it was a joke, you played along with the unknown number. And then you looked out your window and saw that far into the distance on one of the dormitory buildings, there was someone standing on the top.

The thought of it being a real scenario and that someone could jump off any moment- scares the hell out of you.

You: At least… At least tell me your name, if there’s nothing I can say that’ll convince you…Your name can always live in my memory, as someone who lived as best as he could…and didn’t disappoint his family…and was caring…he messaged everyone and never blamed anyone but himself…he didn’t deserve the world, he was too good for it and the world hurt him. He was loved, and will forever be in our hearts

Just tell me your name…please

You wait for a really long time, your eyes glued to the screen as your finger refreshes the screen every time. Until finally something pops up.

Unknown: It's Renjun…Thanks for trying

Your eyes peek out your window to the building, and when you don’t see the said figure of the person called ‘Renjun’ you jump off your bed in nothing but shorts and a vest and dash out your room running as fast as you can. Running and never stopping.

You run to the building where you last saw him.

Your heart is exploding out of your chest by the time you reach the bottom floor. You expect a mass number of students to surround the scene, yet when there’s nobody around you - you look around, for anyone who looks suicidal.

But, being in college, everyone looks that way. You enter the male dormitory building as a visitor (and judging by the look the security gives you, he probably thinks you're here for your ex...otherwise why else would you be here?) and use the elevator until you reach the top floor. You jog up the flight of stairs before bursting through the blocked doors of the terrace.

Having your phone in your hand you type away a message and look around with your heart beating so loud in your chest.

You: I’m here

I’m here for you

I won’t question you or anything like that

I just want to sit with you…give you a hug maybe.

3 days’ after

Usually the canteen is packed on all hours of the day, as the food never failed to impress. However, this afternoon there are so many open seats and empty tables. It could partly be because of the gloomy weather; not only is it cold, but the outside gradually gets darker, the colors of the sky clouded with clouds of grey, glistening rain and light thunder. People are either in their dorms or classes- but none the less, the canteen is still half empty, which is perfect to disclose news to your best friend of a rumor that started circulating around about you.

Luckily you finished all your classes for the day, leaving you with a free rainy afternoon and best friend who’s been dying to know what possessed you to run out your shared dorm with no slippers and to the male dormitory building. She just finished her last paper today, and you didn't want to bother her with this news three days ago.

“So are you going to tell me what had you running out like a baby prostitute at 7am in the morning?” Haze, your best friend questions. “People are saying you ran to the males’ dorm- barged in and went to fuck your ex,”

You roll your eyes following right behind her and then taking a seat next to her in a secluded area. “Well one, I did not go to Jeno. And two, why do people always assume the worst of me?”

“Because you’ve always got a temper,”

“It doesn’t mean I can’t be nice,”

“You? Nice? Keep dreaming,” She scoffs. “So did you go to males dorm yes or no?”

“I did go to the males’ dorm but it wasn't for Jeno. It.." You stop yourself and lean in to her slightly. "It was to…save a guy,”

“Save a guy?” She snorts. “From what? You can barely save your grades,”

“From committing a terrible mistake.” You whisper out ignoring her comment. “He was suicidal and wanted to jump-”

“Suicidal?!" Haze yells out drawing a few people's attention to your little secluded table.

You slap Haze’s arm telling her to be quiet. "Oops sorry. Do you know him?"

You shake your head. "No, but I did get his name. And on top of that I think he goes to our college because how else would he get my number? He just sent me an anonymous message and from there I got to know what I know. He asked why shouldn't he kill himself,”

"I would be freaked out as hell, if anybody messaged me with that," she says shaking her head. "Heck I wouldn't even reply, no matter how ‘nice’ I am. That’s just too much,"

"How twisted is that? You claim to be ‘nice’ but can’t even show it to someone who needs the world to be nice to them." You sadly smile thinking back to how Renjun finally revealed his name. "I've gotta find him though. Can you help? He didn’t jump today, but every day is a day to jump for someone who’s suicidal. "

Haze chuckles carrying on with her work as well as eating her food. "There are more than two thousand students on this campus, and you're asking me to find one? What is this? Nemo?"

You roll your eyes. "Haze I'm being serious. He needs me right now,"

"No love, you need to study, and focus, on your assignment. If he's really suicidal he'll go get proper help if he wants it. You already did you part, he didn't jump yesterday or today, he might do it next week if he wants, who knows,"

"How can you be so cold hearted? I just, well I think I saved him from doing the biggest mistake of his life, and you don't care?" Your heart pings at the thought of finally doing something good, but then being looked down upon for caring for someone.

“Get off your high horse and snap back into yourself. This isn’t who you are. Don’t go all soft for some random guy. You’ve got Jeno, the hottest guy on campus crushing over you and begging to get back with you. Have some sense.”

You stand up grabbing your bag by her stupid comment which makes you mad. "You know what, it’s whatever. I'll catch you in the dorm," She’s right anyway. Why be nice when you can get all the boys you want?

"Cool, bye," she says completely unfazed by your common anger rage of emotion slipping back. "And for the record, he probably made all that up just to see you bounce off bed half naked."

You roll your eyes heading out the canteen being immediately met with light drizzle from the rain. Smelling the uncanny scent of the rain about to begin, you try to walk faster to the female dorm building which is all the way across the university campus. The dribbles of rain dribbling on your skin don't help you calm down. You begin jogging past facility upon facility finally getting closer to your dorm building but you sigh upon seeing how the thick rain clouds gather together. A streak of lighting booms strongly in the gloomy grey clouds and you groan feeling the harsh drops fall - creating an exhausting rainstorm to thud hard on the campus.

"Are you kidding me!" You nearly slip already running as quick and fast as your skinny legs can carry you. Using your bag as an umbrella you try not to get wet, which by the way is very useless! You’re still getting soaked by the second. The dorm building is just a few more blocks away and you run steadily trying not to slip.

You get closer to the door yet you’re not fully prepared when you harshly bump into another running figure, completely knocking your bag down causing your files and assignment to fall out being spread on the wet concrete floor being ruined by the pouring rain.

"Are you kidding me!"

Your teeth clutch strongly thinking about all your assignments that are now on the floor. The guy is fast in apologizing and picking up his things that have also fallen. But you could care less about his things, only that your assignments are all due tomorrow.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” you groan furiously getting down on your knees trying to pick up your stuff, the other guy does the same trying to help while saying sorry. But you ignore him grabbing your stuff dashing to get shelter. You use your wet card to pass through the little electronic slot on the wall. The doors automatically open by themselves and you grasp on to everything from your wet papers to your hanging arm bag and identity card trying not to lose a single one.

The wet papers and folders in your hand drop to the floor immediately when you close the door behind you. A deep groan escapes your throat when they slip yet again. "Just great." You tightly say walking to the registration table signing your name in and walking away on the wooden floors up the stairs to your room with all your wet stuff.

"Just great."

"This isn't yours," Haze says reading the English paper in her hand. "But this person is definitely going to pass this-"

"You’ve gotta be shitting me?" You get up from your desk table dumping your ruler and pencil down walking over to Haze who's on your bed. You grab the paper from her hand and stare down at it. This can't be happening. You spent hours blow drying on these papers. "What do you mean this isn't mine? I have to hand this in tomorrow?!"

"You know I personally like it when you're in panic mode, but I hate you screaming in my ear. Geez. Just calm down-"

"How can I calm down? My notes and half my assignment is probably with some other wet guy!" You groan heading back to your desk. "I can’t restart this stupid paper. Do you know how hard it was? Ugh. I guess I'll have to restart everything- wait... this is actually better than my own," You read over the crooked handwriting seeing that it's not at all bad. "But I can't pass this off as my own work..." You think for a little bit but it’s hard as your brain is screaming for you to fuck it all and get some sleep. "Whatever screw plagiarism,"

There's a light knock on your door that hardly passes off as a knock. Haze gets up from your bed going over to the door opening it and speaking to whoever is there. Meanwhile you start rewriting on a new page completely focused- until Haze gasps, opening the door wider.

"Y/n,"

"What?" She doesn't respond so you turn around grumbling and standing up going to the door next to her with an irritated sigh.

“Someone’s here for you,”

“Who is there!” You grumpily complain. All you wanna do is finish your notes and go and sleep.

An awkward fluffy haired guy stands with his hand holding up cramped papers together, which you immediately recognize as your own assignment. You snatch the pages from his hand, startling him.

Haze frowns shaking her head going away, leaving you alone by the door with the guy.

“Thanks.” You fake a smile and roll your eyes forcefully closing the door before jolting when he harshly stabs his arm and leg in between the door! causing him to groan in pain. "Are you crazy?" You quickly open the door watching him bend in pain.

"You have my papers." He mummers after calming down from the excruciating pain. With a pained stricken face, he stands up again. "We bumped into each other this aft-"

"You think I don't remember?" You snap lifting up the papers he handed you. "The only difference is that my own papers look like this." You hold up the cramped papers showing him. "Barely readable with all this wetness and yours, which I had, are treated perfectly and can still be read from,"

"I'm sor-"

"Save it." You close your eyes ramming the door to a close.

"Hey, hey, hey, wait and hold that door," Haze pulls the door open, annoying you. She hands him his sheets of papers- the one you were copying from and you glare at her. "I believe these belong to you," she says.

"Thanks," The guy takes in his papers that you blow dried.

"No problem. And don't mind her behavior, she's passing that time of the month," Haze announces publicly. You flip your hair to the side and with murderous eyes you give her one short cold look before walking back in the room until you feel a hand hold onto your arm.

“Um hey,” His hand immediately retreats from your arm when you turn back with daggers blazing from your eyes.

“What!”

"Uh I'm really sorry for the whole incident but I got a chance to read your paper and if I'm being honest... it wasn't that good. I can help you if you need,"

"No I don't help-"

"Yes you do. Let's be honest if he leaves now you'll go back to biting my head off for no reason. I'm not obliged to proof read your work. He's freely volunteering. Take the offer," Haze says making a point.

You consider it for a while. Your sleep on the line. You really don't want to rewrite a paper in this state and you also don't want to fail it. After all, this is your last year in college, you cannot fail in your major. So much for doing last minute work.

Haze smiles heading back to your bed knowing you’re convinced.

You glance back at the guy, swallowing a whole lump down your throat. "You'll really help?" You ask.

He's quick in nodding his head looking more awake with a peek of a smile on his lips.

"It's due tomorrow so I don't know how we’re gonna do this." You stammer off.

"We could go down to the study hall and finish it there," he says willingly. "If you want of course,"

You keep watch of him and his demeanor to help you. "Like right now? You'd help me right now?" You question lifting your brow up. "If this is some sick joke you better stop now because I really hate that course and this would be cruel of you."

He lets out a nervous chuckle shaking his head. His smile is so meek and it lights up his face. Maybe you shouldn't have been so mean to him. "You're so kind and nice." You mutter skeptically. "Shall we go now?"

"I really don't get this. How can I make this error of Concord sound correct?" You sigh into your hands already so tired. You’ve been here for the past 2 hours and although you got most of the general ideas, you struggled hard. It didn't help that the people who were studying around in the study hall had left. It's almost midnight and you’re forced to still work.

You’d have gone to sleep too but this is important, plus you’ve got someone who is willingly helping you and having unknown faith in you.

"You can do this Y/n. It's just the last paragraph left," he encourages.

You’re pulled away from your thoughts when he says your name. You stare at him in shock. "How'd you know my name?"

He just looks at you with his soft smile and shrugs his shoulders leaning on his elbows. "Some names just stick,"

"That doesn't explain how you know my name," You say while squinting at your eyes.

He looks to the page tilting his head. "It was on your assignment, and plus...you're well known in the school."

"Oh, for my temper?" You mentally slap your head. "I'm sorry. I forgot,”

“That’s okay,” He sighs while looking at the text you wrote, he smiles. “You’ve got a really pretty handwriting,”

“Really?” Your eyes move to your page before looking up at him when he nods a little. He’s so fragile and looks so easily boxed up into a category of being a loner. Unlike you who’s constantly ready to unleash your emotions, he doesn’t look like the type to let it go- but instead keep it all in.

“Yeah, it’s really pretty.” He clears his throat speaking again. You can't help it when you turn your head in his direction and blush lightly. His voice sounds like a thousand angels gently whispering sweet nothings into your ear. "What do you say, we take a little break and then we get back into it? It's better finished now then handing in half a page of nothing,"

"You're right-" You mutter. "About the break part. As for the other part, I have no problem handing in an empty sheet,"

He chuckles displaying his gentle smile again. You smile lightly before shaking your head.

"Look, I'm so sorry for how I reacted and treated you earlier. I'm just really stressed out. People keep telling me how to act and behave and I don’t want to let them down, but two days ago, I realized that I don’t want to be the type of person who acts a certain way to please people. I just want to be a kind human being. I'm looking for this one guy, my ex won't stop calling me and my assignments are all due tomorrow and this right here is so annoying- I'm so tired," You groan closing your eyes again. "But enough about me, I never got your name by the way,"

"O-oh. My name?"

"Yes your name," You say sitting up leaning back on your chair. "You’re going out of your way to stay up with me and help me. That kind gesture despite all my shitty mood swings, deserves a big thank you and even a gift. You're helping me more than you should, so I think I deserve to know your name right? Unless this is a onetime thing and we're never seeing each other again,"

He nervously looks away nodding his head. "Something like that. I'm just returning a favor,"

"Favor?" You question. "I don't remember being friendly to you since we met. What favor are you returning?"

His lips are sealed shut when his eyes peer into your own. A little smile ghosts over his lips. "You kind of helped me out of a deadly fate. You tried saving my life actually."

His words ring a familiar bell in my head. You watch him retreat into himself nervously shrugging his shoulders and fiddling with his hands.

“I would’ve never thought that someone like you with a temper would go out your way to make sure I’m alive. I didn’t even know how you knew which building I was on, but when I saw you running and entering the building, I felt… thankful...to be noticed. I mean, you ran past me and went straight to the roof, but after seeing your message I was overwhelmed. That somebody cared whether I jumped or not. That someone wanted to know my name. You actually ran out into the cold weather to try and find me to give me hug. I don’t even know-”

Your body instantly consumes him as you wrap your arms around his neck holding him tight in your hug. Your eyes are shut and the feel of having his body melt into yours as he silently breaths out has your heart swelling with that same emotion you felt two days ago.

The feeling of being a light for someone.

"Renjun." From hearing his own name come out of your lips, his hands gently wrap around yours and you rest your head on his shoulder. "Life is shit, but people find diamonds in shit."

He chortles lightly. "What?"

"You're a diamond in a shitty world, but I promise that ending your life won't be the solution. Please just, try to live. Inhale, exhale but don't die."

#nct fanfiction #nct renjun x reader #huang renjun imagine #nct dream imagine #renjun fanfic #renjun angst #nct angst #renjun x reader #renjun fic #renjun huang

125 notes · View notes

endthedream · 1 year

Text

nct dream as supernatural creatures

mark

Pairing: Genie!Mark x Human!Reader (she/her)

Summary:

Words:

Story colour: purple

renjun

Pairing: Elf!Renjun x Elf!Reader (she/her)

Summary:

Words:

Story colour: brown

jeno

sunshine

Pairing: Merman!Jeno x Human!Reader (she/her)

Summary: Moving back to the town known for it's cruse of letting fisherman disappear from the ocean isn't the best idea - accoring to your parents. But they don't understand. They don't understand that for five years you lived without knowing if the encounter you had with a strange boy with a fishtail was real. They don't understand that your heart is calling for him.

Words: 21.3k

Story colour: silver

haechan

a sweet melody

Pairing: Siren!Haechan x Human!Reader (she/her)

Summary: Insanity isn’t what she expected to receive when she joined her father and his crew on an expedition, full of men who think she isn’t capable of anything. But it’s all that she got after seeing nothing but endless water every single day. Maybe that’s why her mind started imagining a strange boy who finally shows her the appreciation she deserves. Maybe that’s why she ignores the way she can’t escape the trance he puts her in whenever he sings a melody for her. Or maybe everything is real, and the boy isn’t who he pretending to be.

Words: 12.5k

Story colour: green

jaemin

a dream come true

Pairing: Cupids Son!Jaemin x Human!Reader

Summary: As the son of Cupid, Jaemin has been surrounded by love his entire life. But what happens when he gets sent on earth to pass a test that will determine his whole life? And what happens when he breaks the only rule he was ever given?

Words: 16k

Story colour: soft pink

chenle

three sins to hell

Pairing: Devil!Chenle x Human!Reader (she/her)

Summary: the devil, a creature so sinister he seduces humans into sins so he can have their souls in hell.But if you’re his next target, what would you do? Would you even notice that the devil is standing right in front of you?

Words: 10k

Story colour: orange

jisung

Pairing: Fairy!Jisung x Fairy!Reader (she/her)

Summary:

Words:

Story colour: white

#nct #nct dream imagines #nct dream masterlist #nct dream x reader #nct dream x y/n #nct dream fanfic #mark lee imagine #huang renjun imagine #lee jeno imagine #lee haechan imagine #na jaemin imagine #zhong chenle imagine #park jisung imagine

139 notes · View notes

cloudykaii · 1 year

Text

a real forever

pairing: huang renjun x reader

summary: you love renjun so much, he’s your soulmate.. so why did you let this go on for so long?

warnings: lying, manipulation.. jaemin is lowkey a coward, but i think that’s it

The mood of the day was a deep contrast to the atmosphere. The sun shined brightly outside the hotel window, and you could hear the music from the band warming up. Everything seemed glow in the lavish hotel room you were in, and then there was you; sitting on the bed in your wedding dress, trying not to cry.

With the beaded lace of the bodice and the material of the dress that had been altered to suit you, you should have felt like the happiest woman in the world. The dress and the wedding and the man would have been a dream come true for anyone else, but you just felt suffocated. It was never supposed to go this far. When Na Jaemin had become your partner on a project in college, it was nothing. The two of you didn't run in the same social circles, and the only things you knew about each other were what you had heard. You knew that he was wealthy and had a reputation around campus. He knew that you were quiet and stuck to your best friend like glue.

Then he had offered to let you come over to his place to do the project. That was where it all began. His parents had come home while you were sitting on the couch together. The work for the day had been finished and you were just waiting on Renjun to come pick you up, but his mother had started gushing about how he hadn't even mentioned he had a girlfriend, why hadn't he discouraged any of those nasty rumors then, and she was so happy he had finally found someone permanent. You vividly remembered having moved to tell her truth, laughing awkwardly, but Jaemin had beat you to it, slinging an arm around your shoulders and lying about how he was just nervous to bring you home.

After Renjun got there, he had followed you outside to whisper to you, begging to go along with it. His mom was so happy, and he'd been nothing but a disappointment to her recently. That had hit you hard. You knew what it was like to be giving your all and still feel like it wasn't enough. So you fell for it, agreeing. He had promised to break it off after two weeks, but then two weeks turned into a month, which turned into six, which turned into three years.

You weren't dumb, you had tried to break it off yourself on several occasions, but every time something came up. Jaemin would agree and then at the last second chicken out and drop some news. For example, one time he had tried but what came out of his mouth was, "We're engaged!" Which, of course, leads you back to the current predicament.

Honestly, you were beginning to think that his mom knew in some form, maybe not the exact details but she had to know something. Because every time you had tried to tell her throughout the wedding process, she flipped it. You told her you hadn't even known her son before the project and she waved a hand and said, "Love at first sight is rare, you should cherish it."

You tried to gently tell her by starting out with, "You know, Jaemin is great, but at first-"so that you could work it in but she had just laughed and cut you off with the joke, "Does anyone really like their partners at first?"

The final time you tried was last night. His parents had taken you out of dinner for a pre-celebration- as they called it. After his mother had had a couple glasses of wine, you spoke up. "Before we get even more carried away, there is something the two of us need to confess to you both." But Jaemin had looked at you with eyes of panic before interjecting that it could wait until after the wedding, it was just good news the two of you wanted to share.

But frankly, the biggest problem with marrying laemin wasn't that it started under false pretenses, or even that you didn't love each other- it's that he wasn't Renjun.

Renjun was your best friend and he meant everything to you. You had been in love with him for years, long before your fake fiancee had ever even come into the picture. He had been there through everything, and even that day when you had gotten to his car and pretended to be excited about Jaemin "asking you out," all he had said was that he hoped you were happy and that he treats you well, despite how you noticed the glimmer of something in his eyes. You and Renjun had never actually dated, but it had always been sort of unspoken that the two of you were together. You were closer than friends should be; always cuddling, hugging, Renjun would kiss you on the forehead a little too soft and a little too often to just be platonic. You were always together. He kept a picture of you in his wallet, you have pictures of him as your lock screen. Everyone just always kind of assumed that if you weren't together, you would be, which was why everyone was shocked when the news of your new relationship broke.

You wanted to get married, but you wanted more than this. You wanted more than just a façade of love, you wanted Renjun- who you loved. He was generous and kind, and so cute when his nose scrunched he wanted to tell you the truth about something but didn't want to hurt your feelings; and how if you went out, he always wanted to match outfits so "people knew you belonged together."

You wanted a real forever, you wanted more than this facade happening with Jaemin.

The weight of the situation seemed to finally sink in, and you couldn't stop the tears from flowing. You didn't know how long you cried until there was a knock at the door. You took one breath, then two, trying to make yourself sound more stable as you finally managed, "Come in."

The door slowly opened, and your heart broke all over again. Renjun looked amazing in his all black suit. It was fitted perfectly, which made you tear up again because you can remember convincing him to buy it for something much happier than this wedding.

His chest was heaving as if he had just run throughout the entire hotel trying to find you, but when he saw you crying he still moved for you immediately, sitting on the bed beside you and cupping your face. "Oh, sweetheart. Why are you crying? You're getting married!"

When you let out another sob at that, he pulled you into his chest, his heart breaking. Before he could say anything however, you started rambling. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I lied," you hiccupped, moving to hold on tight to your best friend; he was your lifeline.

He knew what you meant. When you had informed him of the engagement, he had asked you outright. "Are you happy?" He hadn't believed you, but when you said yes, he thought you were telling the truth, so he supported you. Even if it meant breaking his own heart.

"I'm not happy, I don't want to marry Jaemin. I don't love him, I never did. I lied." You were ready for him to be mad at you, to have a billion questions, to leave you behind forever. Instead, all he did was brush a curl away from your face and smile at you gently. "You look beautiful."

You did. Even with your mascara smudged from crying into him, and your eyes as sad as they were, you'd always be the most beautiful woman in the world to him. He took a deep breath, his eyes never leaving yours. "I need you to be sure about this, Y/N. You told me you were happy, that this was what you wanted. We've never lied to each other before, so I need you to make sure this confession here isn't cold feet, and that you're actually asking me what I think you're asking me.”

The words tumbled out of you in a panic, trying to explain to him everything that had happened between you and Jaemin and how it began. Through the sobs, and desperation in your voice, he didn't really catch every word, but he got the gist. "Why didn't you tell me?" He tried not to sound hurt, but he couldn't help it. "I thought we told each other everything."

"He told me not to until it was over! And he kept saying he'd tell them, but he never did, and now he's acting like I have to marry him, and his mom wouldn't-"

"Breathe, baby." Renjun's voice was calming as he took both of your hands in his and held them together with one hand over his heart. "I need you to breathe, okay? I love you. I'm not mad, just incredibly worried. Has.. Has Jaemin ever hurt you?"

"No," you shook your head emphatically. "Never. He's not a bad guy, he's just-”

"A coward." Renjun said firmly, and when you opened your mouth he continued. "Baby, I'm sorry, but I mean that shit with my whole heart. He kept you tied to him in a relationship you never wanted to be a part of for more than three years. He is taking advantage of the fact that you want everyone to be happy and using it to guilt you into promising him forever. And for what? Because he's scared to make his mom a little upset?"

You were quiet at that and he sighed. "Go change out of this dress."

"Why?" you couldn't help but ask, and he smiled at you. "I love you so much, you know that right? The last three years have been like hell for me, trying to figure out where things went wrong and how I lost you. Then, that stupid invitation came and I.." he paused for a second, glancing down and then back up at you. "I didn't know if I could be your best friend and stay by your side while watching you love someone else, someone else who didn't even act like he loved you. Now that you've told me all of this.. it makes sense."

"I love you too." The words were genuine, they meant more than every time you lied to Jaemin with them, and that made Renjun's heart flutter; the realization sinking in that you mean it, this was real and he had you back. "And that's why you need to change. You're not marrying into the Na family today, or ever."

"Yeah?" you asked, lips quirked up as the happiness radiating off of him reached you too.

"Yeah, baby. I'm not letting you marry anyone else but me.. and if that means telling everyone how Jaemin kept stringing along into a lie then so be it. But you're my world, and I won't let this clown show take place."

"You were going to, though?' you pointed out, turning around so that he could unzip your dress and help you. His fingers dragged down the zipper, and he pressed a kiss to your shoulder. "Only 'cause you said you were happy with him, and not me. I'd do anything to make you happy."

You hummed at that, looking at him through the mirror. "I love you, Renjun. I hope you know that."

He let the dress fall and waited until you had a proper shirt on before grabbing your hip to spin you around and kiss you. It left you breathless, especially since he only deepened it to make it last by moving his other hand to cup your face.

"What was that for?" you asked as you tried to catch your breath, looking up at him.

"I couldn't kiss you in that dress,” he said softly. "But I needed you to know that I love you, too. And now that we're both on the same page, it's you and me forever, baby."

"Forever? Like a real forever?" you smiled a little at that and chuckled, pulling you into a hug against him.

"Yeah, baby. A real forever."

#aimee grace writes #renjun #renjun x reader #renjun imagine #huang renjun #huang renjun x reader #huang renjun imagine #nct #nct x reader #nct imagine #nct dream #nct dream imagine #nct dream x reader

81 notes · View notes

blu-joons · 2 years

Text

BEST FRIEND NCT A⇴Z HEADCANON ⇴ Huang Renjun

A ⇴ ATTENTION

Even though he was far away, Renjun still liked to have an eye on you. He would constantly text you, or text your family if he wasn’t able to get a hold of you to make sure that you were taking care of yourself well.

B ⇴ BICKER

Most of the time the two of you would bicker over text, for example if one of you tried to get the other to sleep then you’d protest and assure them that it wasn’t too late and that you could stay and talk, or when the other planned to ship something over, you’d bicker about not wasting your money on each other.

C ⇴ COMFORT

Any time that he spoke to you on the phone, Renjun could tell straight away when something wasn’t right. He would push and push until eventually you sat down and told him what the problem was, because as he liked to remind you all the time, he knew you a lot better than you ever gave him the credit for.

D ⇴ DISAGREEMENTS

The two of you hated wasting the limited time that you already had together by disagreeing, your texts and calls were limited at the best of times without spending it squabbling. If an argument felt as if it was brewing between the two of you, one of you would suggest hanging up for five minutes and going to get a drink before coming back onto the call and forgetting about what you had just spoken about.

E ⇴ EARLY YEARS

Neither of you could really remember not knowing one another, it just felt like one of those things that had always been a part of your lives. You were quite glad that you had met each other so young if you were honest because as you got older you wondered whether you would be as close with one another, both feeling as if the getting to know each other process would be a lot more awkward and trickier for you both.

F ⇴ FAMILY

Renjun’s family were the best, they took the best care of you and always were there for you when you needed them. They were constantly updating Renjun on how you were when he felt that you were keeping secrets from them, and if you weren’t able to get a hold of Renjun, they’d assure you that they had spoken to him recently and that he was just busy so that you didn’t have to worry that something had happened.

G ⇴ GETTING TOGETHER

Because of your different time zones, getting together was sometimes difficult, but you tried your best to align your days so that you had a couple of hours when you did call. One of you would have to stay up a little bit later than you wanted most of the time, but it was worth it to be able to talk to each other.

H ⇴ HABITS

The two of you had a habit of talking every day, even when you were both super busy, you’d still at least text one another at some point during the day. Even though you didn’t see each other in person, you still thought about each other a lot and made sure to keep the conversation going when you could.

I ⇴ INSIDE JOKES

You still had plenty of inside jokes despite the fact that you weren’t always together in person, mainly because of how you embarrassed yourselves a lot on calls. You had either fallen asleep on a call or fallen off your chairs when you called one another more than once which the other person made sure not to forget.

J ⇴ JEALOUSY

The thing that got Renjun jealous the most was the fact that you had other people around you who got to hang out with you as much as they wanted to, whilst he couldn’t. Whilst he loved seeing you having fun with your friends, at the same time he couldn’t help but wish that he was there too and enjoying the fun rather than having to sit miles away from you and be there only in his imagination whilst looking at the photos.

K ⇴ KICKS

Renjun got a kick out of surprising you, whether that be in person or sending gifts back to you from Korea without telling you. It was very rare for him to tell you when he was coming home for a visit, but what happened more often was you coming home to boxes being shipped with plenty of treats for you inside.

L ⇴ LOVE

He loved how you both still managed to make your friendship work seamlessly despite being miles away from each other. When he first moved away Renjun worried that maybe the two of you would end up slipping away from each other, but if anything, you made more of an effort when the two of you were far apart to make sure that that didn’t happen, talking more on the phone than you ever had done before.

M ⇴ MEETING

The two of you first met when you started school, you’d been together ever since the very start. You found yourselves sat together during one of your lessons, and over time you sat together in your other lessons too, soon being known amongst your other classmates for just how well you got along with each other.

N ⇴ NONSENSE

Whenever he was with you, Renjun always found himself letting go. You had lost count of the funny moments that you had witnessed because of him, knowing that he felt at such incredible ease when he was with you.

O ⇴ OBSESSION

Renjun was obsessed with how caring you were and how you always checked on him despite the distance. You never once lost interest in the things that he did, even if you weren’t able to see them in person.

P ⇴ PRECIOUS MOMENTS

There was no time that meant more to Renjun than when the two of you were able to see each other in person. He loved the feeling of being able to hug you and see the expression on your face when you talked rather than having to figure out how you were feeling through the dodgy pixels on his laptop.

Q ⇴ QUESTIONS

He loved to ask about you, Renjun loved asking about your days because you told him about home which often helped him, especially when he was feeling homesick and missing some of his favourite spots.

R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS

Both of you carried a photo of one another in your phone cases so that you always had your best friend with you. It was something that Renjun made you do when he first moved away so that you didn’t forget him, and even after so many years you both still carried the photos as your things for each other.

S ⇴ SUPPORT

One thing that always surprised Renjun was how you still supported him even from far away, knowing exactly when he had a broadcast or a show. He never thought that you had such an interest in his career, but you knew exactly what Renjun was doing and always made sure to at least text him a good luck message.

T ⇴ TRIPS

You were the one that he looked forward to seeing the most when Renjun made a trip home. As soon as his plane landed, and he got in the car at the arrivals lounge he was telling the driver to take him to you.

U ⇴ ULTIMATE

He felt incredibly lucky to be able to call you his best friend, Renjun would talk to absolutely anyone about you and brag about you.

V ⇴ VISITS

You would quite often visit Renjun when he was at work as you called him, getting to talk to the other members too. He always accepted your calls and got you involved with what was happening at the studio.

W ⇴ WISDOM

He would try his best to give you as much advice as possible, writing things down so he could remember to say them when he called.

X ⇴ XXXX

When the two of you did spend time together, you were very affectionate with one another. You always made the most of your time together and very rarely were more than an arm away from each other.

Y ⇴ YOU

You were his rock, even from afar Renjun always knew that you were there for him.

Z ⇴ ZZZ

He loved giving up his bed for you when you visited Renjun, he wanted you to be as comfortable as possible when you stayed, even if that meant him having to give up his bed so that you could be cosy and relaxed.

---

Masterlist

69 notes · View notes

ohmygs-blog · 2 months

Text

“miss ur face..”

2K notes · View notes

midmourn · 3 months

Text

you storm out after a fight

♡ nct dream ﹒ gender neutral!reader genre angst warnings language and just general warning for angst note if yall have any requests let me know 🫶 ( library )

1K notes · View notes

luvyeni · 3 months

Text

𐙚 : SELLING MY BOYFRIEND W/ NCT DREAM (smau) ֶָ֢ !

content warning. hyuck and jisung being dramatic, suggestions comments

authors note. you know i had to a nct dream version 💌 !!

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

©️LUVYENI

2K notes · View notes

luvh4nji · 6 months

Text

𝐍𝐂𝐓 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 + 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒

warning: just fluff, reader is shorter than jeno and jisung, sorry yall im a short girlie it's my default <//3, hyuck's is a little suggestive

mark ; he makes time for you. he's such a busy guy, but whenever he has downtime, he's immediately inviting you over to the dorms or going to your apartment so he can just be with you, whether it's just cuddling or playing video games together or going out and doing something, he always makes time to be with you, no matter what. and he always leaves some of his clothing at your place so you won't miss him too much when he's gone.

"woah," he mumbles to himself, stopping in the doorway to his room when he sees you all curled up under his blankets in his bed, your face shielded from him by his clothes, blankets, and your own hair. he has to take a moment to take you in, mind racing at the fact that you're his, before he walks over, taking of his shoes and jacket, slipping into the bed beside you and wrapping an arm around your middle, pulling you into him, whispering "i love you so much" into your hair, pressing a kiss to the back of your neck.

renjun ; he notices the little things. even when you think he doesn't, even when he acts like he doesn't - he does. he's the type to see you something you mentioned you liked out in public and buy it for you, shrugging his shoulders casually when you start gushing over him and the gist. he's the type to overhear you talking on the phone to your friends about how much you like physical touch, so he starts touching you more; holding your hand, coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around your middle, pulling you into his lap.

"saw this at the store, thought you might like it." he tells you nonchalantly, handing you a little bag with a box of cookies inside, smiling to himself when you get all excited, running towards him to wrap you arms around his neck and press little kisses to his jaw. "they're you're favorite, right?" he asks, resting his hands on your waist, keeping you close, squeezing your hips imperceptibly as you snuggle into his chest.

jeno ; he's protective. he just finds so much comfort in knowing that you're safe and protected and that he's the one that makes you feel safe and protected. he's the type to keep your hand firmly trapped in his whenever you go out, to make sure to walk on the outside of the sidewalk, to keep his hand on the small of your back, just in case. he likes the feeling of knowing your safe.

"hold on," he leans down to whisper in your ear, grabbing your hand and pulling you to his other side as a car passed on the street beside you. he let go of your hand, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and bringing you close to his side, squeezing the skin of your arm every now and again to reaffirm himself that you were still there, that you were safe.

donghyuck ; before you started dating, hyuck was always such a shithead, always poking fun, teasing, pushing you to your limits, just so he can laugh at you when you get all flustered and upset. and he only does it because he can't do what he really wants to, which is kiss you until you can't stand up, so when you finally get together, he just gets so direct. if he wants something from you, he's determined to get it anyway he can to make up for all the lost time.

"you sure you have to go?" he asks, body hovering over yours, propping himself up on his elbows beside your head. and he just sighs heavily when you nod, looking down at you with his big, brown eyes for a moment before leaning down a pressing little kisses to your cheeks, the corners of your mouth, your lips, pushing against yours passionate and bruising, one hand moving down to lace with yours. and he loves how dazed you look when he pulls away, chasing after his lips as he leans back, pushing onto his side so you can get up. "alright, baby, i'll see you later." and all he can do is give you a sickeningly smug look when you roll on top of him, pressing your lips back to his.

jaemin ; he's so unbelievably, greasily soft with you. he's always looking at you with a lovesick look in his eyes, a soft smile taking over his features, and when you ask him what he's looking at, he just blinks slowly and grins up at you from where he's sitting, muttering a soft, "just you, baby." and if it was anyone else, it'd be enough to make you sick, but there's something about how genuine he is.

"c'mere, honey." he mumbles, grabbing your wrist as you walk by him and pulling you down into his lap, his hands immediately finding purchase wrapped around your waist, pulling you into his chest. "look so pretty today, y'know that?" he'd ask, grinning when your face darkens in embarrassment. "pretty thing. love you." and he'd lift your hand to his lips, brushing his lips across your knuckles before he lets you get up.

chenle ; he's gentle with you. he's known for being sassy and teasing with his friends, but he's so different with you. he's so much more soft; his hands hovering over you at all times, touch unassuming but present, his words kind and gentle, always checking in on you, telling you how pretty he thinks you are, how smart you are - constantly showering you in compliments so you never have the time to feel self-conscious.

"you're so gorgeous." he tells you, looking up at you from where he was resting his head on your lap. reaching a hand up, he cups your cheek, making sure you look at him, despite your embarrassment at his blunt comments. "your little freckles, the lines around your eyes, the way your hair frames your face, it's all so gorgeous." he says, looking at you like you're something divine, his thumb brushing over the crest of your cheekbone, before he gets up, pushing you down to lay on your back on the couch, positioning himself over you, leaning down to press a searing kiss to your lips.

jisung ; he gets clingy. or, at least, clingier than usual. he's a guy that, generally, enjoys his own space. he likes having that distance between himself and others; he's not exactly sure why, it's just always been that why. but it's different with you. he feels like he can never be close enough. he likes holding your hand, wrapping an arm around your waist or shoulders, having you sit in his lap, laying on top of you when he gets home from a long schedule; he just needs to be near you at all times.

"hey, honey." he mutters, collapsing beside you on your bed, laying on his back and closing his eyes, nodding slowly when you ask if he's had a long day. "the longest." he replies, peaking at you from the corner of his eyes, before rolling over on top of you, nuzzling his face into your neck, pressing little kisses to the skin there. "i love you." he mutters into your neck, his breath hot, his voice low.

#nct #nct dream #nct reactions #nct dream reactions #nct imagines #nct dream imagines #nct headcanons #nct dream headcanons #nct fluff #nct dream fluff #mark lee #zhong chenle #lee jeno #park jisung #huang renjun #na jaemin #lee donghyuck #haechan

2K notes · View notes

ryozaki21 · 10 months

Text

After You - N.JM

1/4 diary of the heartbreakers

summary: ➸ ♡ Na Jaemin had it easy. Loved by everybody, the man of everyone's dream. He's a perfect mix of a charmer and a player. Girls begged to be his, and he loved every part of it. Life used to be so fucking perfect for him. Then comes you. You're like an old book, ink fading, cover tearing, but he swears you're worth the read. Before you, life was easy. After you? He wasn't so sure.

"Break my heart, and you'll only find yourself inside."

GENRE: Angst, Smut, Fluff, Mature themes

WARNINGS: Minors DNI, Explicit sexual content, Language, Mental Illness, Drugs/Alcohol usage, Addiction, toxic!reader, fuckboy!Jaemin (but still a sweetheart)

WC: 19k (I got carried away, lol)

DISCLAIMER: This story is purely fanfiction. Only the names of the Idols are used, and does not reflect on them in real life. There's no way in any shape of form that they are like this in person, because I MADE IT UP. I don't personally know them. DO NOT STEAL / TRANSLATE / MODIFY. This is my work and I don't appreciate people stealing it. Thank you.

Enjoy reading! -ryo

//////////////////////

"Look who finally decides to show up," Jeno welcomed Jaemin with open arms, Haechan and Renjun following in pursuit.

"Come on, I just saw you guys about a week ago. Don't be dramatic." Jaemin loosened his tie, sat at the vacant seat beside Renjun.

"No Yeri today?" Haechan smirked, obviously mocking Jaemin.

"She has plans with her friends," Jaemin wants to shift the topic quickly, not wanting to be the center of attention for so long.

"Are you sure its not because she hates us?" Renjun looked at Jaemin with his brow raised.

"She hates everyone." Jaemin grabbed the flute glass in front of him as he saw the waiter come by with champagne.

"No offense, Jaemin, but I hate that her too." Haechan, eating the garlic bread. Jaemin rolled his eyes.

"Makes two of us." Jeno chimed in, drinking his champagne aswell. Jaemin didn't say anything, waiting for Renjun's addition to his girlfriend's hate train.

"All of us hate her, actually. Sorry man but your girl is literally the reincarnation of the devil." Renjun.

"You guys done? I know she isn't the best but she's still my girlfriend?" Jaemin, like the other times his friends tell him how horrible his girlfriend is, try to defend her even tho he knows that they're partly right.

"Yeah, we know. One of the mysteries even Sherlock Holmes can't fucking solve." Haechan chuckled. Jaemin let out a sigh and drank the champagne in one shot. He barely gets a break from Yeri, and when he does, his friends still mentions her name in every conversation they have.

"She disrespects everyone, literally went out with you just to show you off to her friends. I don't understand why you're still with her." Jeno rants, trying to make Jaemin understand. He doesn't mean to drag Yeri, but Jeno cannot understand how the likes of Jaemin, will go out with Yeri who treats him like shit.

"No shit, dude. Neither do I." Jaemin admitted, leaning back on his chair before dragging his hands through his hair.

"How about Karina? She's great, you went out with her a few times, right?" Haechan.

Jaemin, for the ninth time this night, rolled his eyes. "She moved to Paris."

"Joy? The girl you took to Haechan's birthday?" Renjun, pulling up a picture of Joy he searched on instagram, just to show to Jaemin.

"Engaged to Sungjae." Jeno answered that one, Sungjae being one of his acquiantances.

"Oh, I know this girl from Busan--"

"Can we not talk about my fucking love life?! Y'all are just stressing me out, God damn." Jaemin massaged his temples, just wanting a breather. Before he went here, he already had an argument with Yeri.

"Chill, man. Fine.. jeez. Just wanted you to know your options." Haechan looks away and shrugged his shoulders. To be fair, his intent was truly innocent. They just wanted their friend to live a happy life.

As per Jaemin's wish, they moved on and changed the topic to something else. After a few drinks, Jaemin started to let loose.

He wondered about a lot of things. One of which is on how he ended up here. Stuck in a relationship he doesn't really want anymore. Seeing his friends and how happy they are really hits something inside Jaemin. When will he find that? Will he even find that?

Just like the other nights Jaemin drinks himself to slumber, a few glasses in and he starts to think of something so dangerous yet so good. Something forbidden, something he would probably regret. He thinks of you.

Jaemin's greatest what if. You were like a fever dream, a memory he would cherish forever. No one can compare to the beauty hold. You were Jaemin's drug, so captivating, yet so vicious.

He wondered where you are. Are you doing fine? Are you happy?

Sometimes Jaemin hopes you still think of him. That his relevance in your life, although it was short, still lingers in your mind once in a while.

And the memories you and him had, even though it was temporary, Jaemin wishes it was enough for him to believe that you'll meet again.

Jaemin met a lot of pretty girls. All of them, actually. Yeri, despite her frowned upon attitude, was actually beautiful. That's what drove Jaemin to ask her out in the first place. He just wasn't aware of the other things that comes with it. No one can deny the beauty that Yeri holds, and even tho it contrasts his friends opinions, they know that Yeri is still one of the prettiest girl Jaemin had.

But was she the most gorgeous? No. Because there was you. They all fall behind, after you.

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.

The first time he saw you was at the school's cafeteria. You're an art student which he could clearly tell from the messy pencil on your bun as you ate with a friend at the back of the canteen. He knew that friend, Jeonghan, because.. he might've slept with his sister. He still couldn't remember tho, he was stupidly drunk that time.

"Who's that with Jeonghan?" Jaemin asked, still his eyes not leaving your face. As corny as it sounds, everyone's faces blurred out when he saw you.

"That's Jiho's bestfriend? I think? Wait, isn't Jiho that one chick you banged last week?" Haechan, the resident insider was the one to answer. Jaemin mentally cursed himself. You're Jiho's bestfriend. Usually that doesn't matter to Jaemin but somehow he felt some sort of guilt into taking an interest with you. Inevitably, you'll know what happened with Jiho and Jaemin, and you'll definitely see Jaemin as this asshole who slept with your bestfriend.

"Everybody knows that he slept with her, dude." Jeno chimed in, smirking.

"More like, everybody heard." Renjun followed, which earned a hefty laugh from his group of friends. Usually, Jaemin would respond with a strong punch in the arm but he was still in a dilemma on how he should approach you without giving off an asshole vibe in him.

Jaemin came up with a plan. Not a good one, but still, a plan. He would casually pass the Arts building, specifically where you usually hang out which was at the Art studio at the top floor, (don't ask him how he found out-- he has his ways) and just ask you where the exit to the building is since he never really got around this part of the university.

His plan sounded good, and just to be assured, he asked Haechan. Which wasn't a very good choice but the way Haechan got around the girls in the university, he deserved some credit. In typical Lee Haechan way he responded, "That'd totally work, dude. I don't know how that would go wrong."

Well, Jaemin now know how it would go fucking wrong.

As the plan goes, he reaches the top floor of the building and walked towards the Art studio at 5pm, because according to his sources, you like to stay after class to do your project on the Art studio. Again, don't ask Jaemin how he got those information. Which is proven to be credible, because he did find you sketching on a canvas by yourself. He could hear a faint music playing on the studio as you sketch, which Jaemin could tell was a portrait of a lady.

He cleared his throat, as he opened the door. Just like in his script, he spoke,

"Hey, uh, excuse me? I've been finding the exit from this building and uhm, I just can't. Can you-- uhm," Okay, fine, Jaemin did fuck that one up. But how can he not, when you turned around so majestically with the golden sunray perfetcly hitting your face which gave Jaemin a full view of your beauty?

"Na Jaemin? What the hell are you doing here?" You stood up, walking towards the speaker and turned it off.

"You know me?" Jaemin asked a dumb question. Everybody knows who he is. He's a fucking famous-- wait, no, he's just famous for fucking. That's it.

"Jiho and all the other girls around this place can't stop talking about how big your dick is, so I'd like to think I'm familiar with you, yes." Sarcasm fit perfectly with you, Jaemin thought. Although, he did not expect you to be this harsh given your soft exterior, nonetheless, he still found you pretty.

"Uh, that's uhm-- not the point, I need to find the exit." Stick to the plan, stupid. Jaemin had thought.

What surprises him even more was your sudden burst of laughter. What's so funny? Embarassment started to fill Jaemin, finding the whole situation dumb and stupid. Why are you laughing at him? This is the first time Jaemin felt this. Usually, girls are all over him, why are you laughing at him like he's some stupid idiot?

"Do you realize that if you're trying to find the exit, you go down the building, not the top floor?" At that exact moment, Jaemin wanted to bury himself alive.

"Dude, I didn't think you would fumble this bad." Jeno couldn't hold his laughter after Jaemin told him what had occured in the Art studio. There was only Renjun, Jeno and Jaemin in the dorm today, Haechan was steering out of Jaemin's view eversince he received a threat from his friend, quote, 'I'm gonna burn your hair off your scalp, Lee Haechan'

"You just turned around and left? Are you serious?" Renjun was more like dumbfounded. He expected more from Jaemin, being infamous in their little friendgroup for being a lowkey manwhore. He could not believe Jaemin could act so-- foolish?

"I didn't know what to say or do, bro. This is Haechan's fault, fuck!" Jaemin looked like a prepubescent teen screaming into his pillow. A couple leg-flailing and he'd successfully portray a thirteen yearold boy.

"This one's on you. You know damn well Haechan could pull that shit off with his over confident ass. Whats with this girl anyways?" Jeno asked, with little to no care about whatever Jaemin answered. He already knew you were Jaemin's type.

"You know Jaemin and his thing for innocent girls, Jeno. Are you not with him for the last seven years?" Renjun stated, which Jeno just nodded and shrugged.

"But the way she shut you down, I wouldn't say she's too innocent." Jeno had the other two thinking. Yes, with your soft brown hair and cute features, especially your love for art, you look like the stereotypical good girl that captured Jaemin's eyes. But your encounter says otherwise. No good girl can resist Na Jaemin. Everybody knows that.

Na Jaemin, contrary to his friend's beliefs, is the recent most popular man in his school. All of them were, but every student that knows him, (which is everyone) Na Jaemin is number one in his little friendgroup. He's the perfect balance between a player and a charmer.

Nobody hated the guy, they all liked him. Had the title of Prom King for four consecutive years, and has a squeaky clean reputation. Oh, don't get him wrong tho, he's a manwhore, still. Its just that every girl he has been with doesn't have any bad thing to say about the guy. He's got a great dick and even better personality. Word got around that even guys wouldn't mind if he slept with their girlfriends. That's how loved Jaemin is around the campus. He has a way with words, that once Jaemin calls quits on a girl, that girl would even say "Thank you."

Jaemin likes to think he's just being nice, but Haechan calls him a professional manipulator and gaslighter. Which if you do see it in a technical way, Jaemin's sweet words does affect the way girls interpret his intentions. Because in all honesty, he's just fucking and ghosting. But with a couple of I'm sorry's or Sweetheart's or maybe even a little bit of 'You don't deserve a man like me,' Jaemin easily could bounce out everytime.

"Also, why have we not heard about her? I mean, a face like that? Its impossible that she hadn't shown Haechan's radar." Renjun stated. Its true, it does feel weird that none of them knew who you were, specially Haechan. He's quite literally the hot girl radar and you definitely qualified as one. Its rate that Haechan never made a move on you, or even talked to you.

"Maybe she's really weird or has like a third nipple." Jeno sounds genuine, which was even worse. Jaemin couldn't help but question how is this man his best friend.

"Can you not be a twelve year-old?" Jaemin, as he threw a cushion over Jeno's side.

"Anyways, let's go back to Jaemin being a stupid idiot,"

["You got it?"] Renjun's voice was heard through the phone.

"Yes, you bitch. Now once I get home, I expect my beer and chicken laid in my table perfectly, or I'm burning your book." Its almost 7pm and almost everyone had already left the campus but Jaemin. Renjun had asked him to fetch his book from a friend, because Jaemin is the only one staying in the campus this late. For the reason being, well, he had a little make out sesh after his last class with Jiho.

Jaemin wasn't intentionally doing it just to spite you, its just Jiho was a great kisser. And maybe to get information about you, just a little. But that did not happen because he did not have the chance to actually talk to her about you as his mouth was a little preoccupied.

As he walked through the hallway, a door suddenly opened, which revealed you, hair dishevelled and your shirt was wrinkled. He knew that posture too well, out of all people, he's the one most familiar of it. You just did the nasty with someone.

In the school grounds? Jaemin scoffs. He was about to approach you when another body also came out of the room.

No way. No fucking way! Jaemin's eyes went wild, his jaw slowly parts as he saw who it was. He quickly hides behind one of the lockers to avoid you seeing him, only peeking his head a bit to confirm what he just saw.

Nurse Suh. You're sleeping with the school nurse. Jaemin was utterly shocked, as he contemplated on what he should do next. You're definitely not the innocent and soft girl he thought you would be, you're so far from it. And as far as he knows, Nurse Suh has a girlfriend! And not to mention, it's illegal!

"Nurse Suh?!" The three of his friends couldn't believe it either. Jaemin just could not keep the information to himself. He knew he could trust his friends.

"I mean, yes he's hot but isn't he like 34?" Jeno questioned.

"Dumbass, he's only 27. Him and my older brother are friends." Haechan said, then quickly looking back at Jaemin.

"And she's what, 22? I don't see anything wrong here." Haechan shrugged. Of course, out of all of them, Haechan would find this situation fine. He had slept with a teacher before, and called it his 'great awakening'.

"He has a girlfriend, you fucking idiot." Renjun said, hitting Haechan in the back of the head.

"So? You gotta do what you gotta do, man. Honestly, if I was Nurse Suh, I would tap it too." Followed by a playful chuckle, Haechan got another slap in the back of the head, this time, from Jeno.

"Stop hitting me! I need to protect my braincells, I need to pass the test tomorrow, you assholes." Haechan whined, massaging his head.

"Wait, Haechan, did you not know her before?" It was Jaemin's turn to ask, genuinely curious on why Haechan never made a move on you.

Haechan is basically like Jaemin, but even more evil. Sure, they're both manwhores but Jaemin leaves nicely. As to Haechan, he would leave without saying a word and pretend to not know you the next day. While Jaemin would receive love letters, Haechan receives death threats and some hex put on him. Its not like he's bad in bed, because if he is, he wouldn't be able to get his dick wet as frequent as he is now. It's because Haechan does not care for people's feelings.

"I did, I know who she was." Haechan shrugged. All three of them looked at him.

"Why didn't you.. like... tell me about that?" Jaemin's voice was small, a bit shy with what he just said.

"Because It's kinda funny when you get turned down." Haechan had a smile on his face whilst he said it. Jeno shook his head and Renjun just scoffed.

"Please tell me you're joking." Renjun. The boy laughed even more louder while shaking his head and before he knows, a flying cushion came straight to his face. But it didn't stop Haechan from smiling like an idiot.

"You know what's ridiculous, Haechan? That fucking faded out starwars shirt, because I'm gonna make you eat it you fucker!--" Jaemin fought back, reaching out for his friend but Haechan quickly moved away from him

"I'm sorry, Jaeminnie-- but I did try to flirt with her but she's cold as ice, man. And you all know how persistent I am so when me, Lee Haechan, gave up on a girl, you know that girl's impossible. And I heard that she never dates, well, I guess now I know why." Haechan explained himself but Jaemin is still annoyed and pissed.

"So you just let your friend get his ass handed to him? You should've told Jaem, man." Jeno.

"Admit it, It's kinda funny when Jaemin gets rejected. I mean, it almost never happens. And the one time it did, we're not even there to witness it." Haechan keeps smiling, pissing off Jaemin more, but his mind is else where.

---

"I had to say, I'm surprised you called me twice this week. Am I finally cracking your fuckboy code, Na Jaemin?" Jiho had a smirk on her face when he approached Jaemin at the closed off audiotorium in the science building.

"Can you sit down first?" Jaemin scooted a bit and gave space for Jiho to sit down. He has a whole different plan today, and although inviting the girl in his usual makeout spot almost always leads up to them hooking up, this time Jaemin is persistent on asking Jiho about you.

"This is weird. Aren't you taking my skirt off?" Jiho hesitantly sat beside the boy, expecting a kiss but instead, Jaemin has his brows furrowed and seemed bothered

"What? No. Not now. I just want to ask you something." Jaemin turned his body facing Jiho.

"You're being weird." Jiho leaned away a bit, still confused about the whole situation.

"You know y/n?" Jaemin goes straight to the point. Jiho had a visible shock in her face. She never expected your name to pop out from anyone's mouth, and especially not Jaemin's.

"Yes? Why?" Slowing her words, she inspected Jaemin's features.

"Nothing. Why haven't I seen her before?" The question Jaemin is most interested about.

"She's never gonna be interested with you, or anyone. Leave her alone." Jiho suddenly stood up, turned around and walked away as fast as she can, but not as fast as Jaemin.

Before she could even leave the auditorium, Jaemin got a hold of her wrist. "Why are you this weird about her?"

"I know you think you can woo her because you're Na Jaemin and you're a fucking playboy or some shit, but I'm telling you, not even as your hook up buddy, she's worse than you. So I suggest, as your friend, stay. away. from y/n."

---

"This is totally not weird. Yeah sure, I mean, we're just following a random girl walking down the street. Totally not weird." Renjun for one was scammed into doing this. Jaemin asked him to go with him and go buy some pants in the mall for a promise for Haidilao afterwards. Ofcourse Renjun is gonna agree, because he would never pass a free hotpot.

What Jaemin failed to say is that he has a little side quest on his itenirary for today. For someone who's unbothered most of the time, Jaemin is going insane thinking about the mystery that is you. And Jiho's outburst absolutely did not help at all.

"We're not following her. We're just y'know... happens to be in the same way as her." Jaemin knew what he was saying was bullshit, and that Renjun would never believe a word he says. But he would never admit that he's letting someone go and do cartwheel on his mind for almost two weeks now.

"Except we can't walk more than ten feet closer and we've been turning in the same corners as her for about thirty minutes." Sarcasm did not need to be noted.

Jaemin didn't listen and continued walking the same direction as you. This is definitely out of his character, but he has to know you. He's been intrigued enough to actually make an effort to atleast know who you were.

Suddenly, you turned left, into a busy cafe. "You promised me Haidilao, Na Jaemin. Not coffee!" Renjun started being a little irritated. He's hungry, exhausted and disappointed from Jaemin's fake promises. He doesn't need coffee right now, and hell, he's not gonna sit inside a cafe when he could have hotpot right now!

"Jesus, shut the fuck up!" Jaemin dug into his pocket and reached for his phone, typing for a minute and Renjun felt his own phone vibrated.

"Nice. I'll see you later, Sherlock Holmes." Jaemin sent Renjun money for hotpot, which quickly shifted the boy's mood.

"You're useless!" Jaemin yelled as Renjun walked away. "You love me!" Renjun replied with a smile as he skips away.

Jaemin hesitated a bit if he should enter the cafe. Is it too much just to suddenly show up where you are? No. This is the townsquare, students from his and your school are frequents here. It's not gonna be weird. Right, definitely.

The cafe is full packed, quite a line forming. There seems ro be no tables available, but Jaemin still decides to go inside. But as soon as he steps inside the cafe, his feet turned ice cold.

"Alright! I know, I'm sorry!" He sees you hurriedly putting on your apron, as another man seemingly upset with you. He quickly steps into the line of customers, and he just hopes that once he's on the counter, you would be the one serving him.

Jaemin thought he had time to calculate how he's gonna approach you, but the line was quickly moving, and he swear, he's fucking nervous. What if you didn't remember him? Or find him weird for being here?

As the last one in front of him turned to leave, he's finally infront of you. Unfortunately, you weren't looking and focused on the monitor in front of you.

"Uhm," he cleared his throat, trying to get your attention.

"What can I get you, sir?" Your customer service voice was obvious, and quite frankly, annoying. You smiled brightly at him, which he deemed so fake.

"Iced Americano, small." Jaemin's voice was deeper than usual, partly because he's nervous, and maybe because he wanted a cool guy impression.

"You literally followed me here just to get a small americano?" The humour in your voice makes Jaemin embarassed. Wide eyed, Jaemin feigned confusion, not wanting to be caught in 4k.

"I wasn't following y-you?" One thing Jaemin was bad at, was definitely lying. The way he stuttered at his last word says so.

You fought a smirk, again, leaving poor Jaemin feeling so little. "Sure, and the gravity isn't real."

"I swear, I'm not--"

"I'm on a break by 6:30. One small americano, right, sir?" You smiled at him, and Jaemin can fucking feel it. His heart skipping a beat.

"Make that large."

----

His drink already warm, ice all melted into one bland coffee, Jaemin started to feel pathetic. He's been sitting here, on the side of the cafe for almost three hours. He's realizing how stupid he is for doing all of this for someone who's not even that... special. He doesn't know you. You're pretty, yes, but there's always gonna be another girl who's prettier. Maybe its his dick thinking and doing the decisions earlier, but Jaemin saw his entire reputation go so far down if anybody knew he waited for you for three fucking hours. He never knew he could do all of this for a pussy he can easily get with other girls who would even beg for him.

Simmering in his own thoughts, Jaemin huffs and almost stood up to leave, Until he saw his phone, 6:29.

Shit, only one more minute wouldn't hurt anybody? No. Fuck her for playing hard to get. I'm Na fucking Jaemin! Who does she think she is?!

Just as Jaemin actually stood up, he saw you walking slowly towards him while undoing your apron, smile on your face making his knees literally weak that he had to sit down again.

"Leaving already?" You asked, sitting in front of him.

"I-I was just... stretching my legs." If his friends are here to hear the words he just said, he might just jump off a cliff.

"Sure. Now, tell me, Na Jaemin-ssi. What the fuck do you want from me?" Okay, now this, Jaemin did not expect this. Your words sounded harsh but your soft voice says otherwise. Being passive aggresive just makes Jaemin confused all over again.

But fuck it, you wanna play hard? Jaemin can do that. His patience wearing thin, he leaned back on the chair and smirked, almost like flipping on a switch in his aura.

"I want to fuck you." Jaemin didn't whisper, or even lower his voice. He said it so casually, and he noticed your confident stare flinch for a bit.

"I would, but I'm afraid you're not my type." Its like you two were having an asshole-off and seeing who's more cockier than the other. Jaemin isn't competitive, but he's not gonna lose this one.

"Don't be silly. I'm everybody's type." Jaemin definitely won by that line. Or so he thoughts.

"Judging from words on the streets, You're a walking STD. I think I'm gonna pass." This time, Jaemin's sure that you're just pissing him off. Maybe this is your way of playing hard to get, but Jaemin likes to play dirty.

"I fuck a lot but I'm clean, and even if that happens, I'm sure your little school nurse friend can help you." Visible shock in your face, its clear that Jaemin pushed your buttons. Your confident facade slowly shaking, as you gulped and blink trying to process what he just said.

But that didn't last long, only seconds after, you pulled back your smirk. "Oh, you've done some research, I see."

"Now come on, pretty girl. What do you say?" He started to feel it. He's cracking your hard shell.

"Are you really good in bed as they say you were?"

"Go on and ask your friend."

---

"Holy f-fuck, J-jaemin.. shit.. slowdown!" Your table aggressively banging as you bent over it, Jaemin mercilessly pistoning you from behind. His pants not even half way down his thighs, the lower hem of his shirt in between his teeth, showing his glistening abs flexing as he thrusts.

His left hand locking both yours behind your back, and his right hand keeping your head on the table, facing your side. Your mesh tights has been ripped, your skirt all the way up your stomach. One by one, your things that was left on the table started to fall on the ground, as Jaemin's aggressive thrusts forcefully moves the table on a rocking motion.

"Shi.. fuck, I'm coming.." Your hoarse voice was prominent, only motivates Jaemin to hit even harder. Only grunts and growls was heard from the boy, his moans blocked by his shirt between his teeth. Jaemin wasn't only fucking you, he's proving a point aswell. To you, and to himself.

He removes his hands from your head, allowing you to look at him from behind. His free hand brushed his hair backwards, still keeping his tempo. Sweat dripping, his thrusts started to stutter. He then grabbed your face, and pulled you to his chest. Letting go of the shirt in his lips, he whispered, "Come with me, sweetheart."

His hands finding your waist as he felt your walls tighten, an intense whine leaving your mouth as your leg shakes quietly. That triggered his own release, murmuring a few curse words as all his movements halts. Only heavy breathing was heard, everything else dead silent. He slowly pulls out, earning a moan from the both of you.

"That was.." You couldn't even finish, fixing your clothes, quickly sitting at one of your chairs on the table, afraid your knees might give out.

"Intense." Jaemin tucked himself on his pants as he sat down in front of you.

"Not bad," You smirked at him, trying to keep your composure. Jaemin smirked back, proud of himself.

"I thought I wasn't your type?"

"Gotta know what's all the fuss is about. I guess the cat died and curiousity wins." Out of breath, you suddenly picked something on the floor, and Jaemin notices that its a marker that had fell from the table.

"If you wanna do this again," you stared grabbing Jaemin's arms and writing your number on it. "...give me a call, yeah?"

"How about Nurse Suh?" Jaemin didn't wanna sound like a little whiny boy but he had to ask. Is she still going to continue seeing him?

"What about him?" You raised your brows at him.

"Won't he be mad?" Jaemin can see the laugh you held in, before shaking your head.

"We're not in a relationship, and will never be. Same goes to you. We just fuck and go. I'm clean, I hope you are too, and we're not passing the line of being each other's fuck buddy. None of that corny shit, or you're out. I hope you understand, Jaeminnie, you're just a good dick with a pretty face." Your soft face does not match the words you just spilled out. And Jaemin thinks he's hit the jackpot.

No commitments? Just good sex? With you? He thinks he's in heaven. He can't wait to tell the boys about this.

If Jaemin was in the movies, he would've fisted the air and smiled like an idiot.

"Here's to good sex?" Jaemin offers his hand, which you gladly accepted. "Good sex indeed."

---

Jaemin never minded what day it is. Just as long as he did what he needs to do today, he's fine. Tomorrow will have to wait. But eversince you, suddenly he felt impatient and counted the days until he saw you again.

After a few weeks, Jaemin and you saw each other twice a week, mostly Thursdays and Sundays, the days where your schedules matched. Jaemin never knew he would be stuck with one girl for this long, but damn. You're too good. You keep Jaemin on his toes every time he sees you. You were like a gift, waiting to be opened everytime. The excitement and the thrill always feels brand new. And Jaemin would never admit it, but every week, he'd hope the other days go by quickly and wishes it was Thursday again.

"He's smiling like a creep again, Jeno! What the fuck is up with your bestfriend?!" Haechan dramatically hid behind Jeno as Jaemin walked inside their little hang out spot, the old elementay library that became abandoned throughout the renovations.

"He's apparently getting the best pussy in the campus." Jeno shrugged and pushed Haechan away before he plopped himself down the couch.

"You're banging Im Hayeon?" Haechan widen his eyes as he strides towards Jaemin.

"No, dimwit. He's fucking y/n." Renjun, unbothered as usual as he continued drawing in his iPad.

"No way-- no fucking way!" Haechan gasps, grabbing Jaemin's shoulder as he shook it. Jaemin slaps away Haechan's hands and pushed him aside to sit beside Jeno.

"Shut up, Haechan. You're being dramatic." Jaemin pulled out his phone, hoping he would see your name pop up. Surprisingly, nothing but social media notifications greeted him, message requests and follows from people he doesn't know. He checked what time it is, 2:45pm.

Okay. Its still early. She'll text later.

"In all seriousness, dude, do you guys talk? like aside from doing it-- I mean." Jeno's tone was unusual. It's like he's being careful about something, or he wants to say something.

"Yeah? The fuck? D'you think we just fuck and go? Of couse we talk. Why?" Jaemin noticed Jeno's way of talking, turning his whole body towards his bestfriend.

"She tell you something about her?" This time, Renjun and Haechan leaned in.

"Get to the point, man." Jaemin.

"Nah, cuz the girl I was with last night told me that she's really... uh, popular at her previous school." Jeno, knowing the whole context, winced at the word 'popular'.

"What do you mean?" Jaemin's smile when he came here was no longer visible, replacing it with a frown as his brows creased in nervousness.

"I don't know-- man, I think you just... ask her, y'know?" Jeno wasn't comfortable sharing the information he had, but he knew Jaemin needs to know. But he wasn't sure if he's in the place to tell it.

But Haechan did not give a fuck. He's intrigued, and before they knew it, he's deep inside his phone texting someone.

"What are you doing?" Renjun asked.

"Since Jeno is being a pussy and won't share, I'm finding it out." And a second before Haechan could even type another letter, Jeno grabbed his phone away.

"Don't! Don't fucking search it. We should respect her, man. She's still a girl and I heard it was taken down---"

Haechan gasped even louder, even breathing out an "oh my god", He didn't say it out loud but the four of them were thinking the same thing.

"Holy fuck, she has a sex tape?!" Haechan, ofcourse was the first one to break the silence.

And once again, you surprised Jaemin.

---

"I'm famished, god damn." You sat beside Jaemin on your old couch, digging a spoon on your bowl of cereal. Your top barely even buttoned, you started eating a spoonfull after another.

"Slow down, you'll--" before Jaemin even finishes, you caught something in your throat and coughed almost everything in your mouth.

"What did i tell you? Aish-" Jaemin quickly then grabbed the tissue beside the couch and started to wipe your face. He grabbed the bowl from you, putting it aside and wiping some of the milk that had spilled on you.

He then stood up and walked towards your kitchen, as if he owns the place. Next thing you know, he comes back with a glass of water in his hands.

"Thank you," you managed to blurt out in the middle of your coughing and drank the water.

"I thought you didn't have a gag reflex the way you sucked my dick earlier," Jaemin joked, earning a playful slap in his shoulder from you.

"Shut up, movies starting." Jaemin didn't give a single fuck about the movie playing on screen. Haechan's voice keeps ringing in his ear, and as much as he wanted to stay out of it and respect your privacy, something in him wants to know. Its like an itch wanting to be scratched.

"Tom Holland's like the perfect spiderm-- Jaemin?" The boy's trance was interrupted when you call his name. He didn't realize that he was staring off to nothing instead of watching the movie he picked.

"Yeah?" Jaemin blinked thrice before looking at you, your eyes peaked interest as you examined his face.

"You're out of it, what're you thinking?" You paused the movie, moving your body to fully face him.

Jaemin can't wait. He has to know. "Just curious, where did you say your last school is?" He hoped his question wasn't too obvious.

"I didn't say anything?" Okay, hold up. Plan backfired. Fuck!

"What? I-I swear you told me, like, last time? Sacre--"

"Sacred Heart. Yeah. And no, I didn't tell you about it." Like the many times, Jaemin was nervous. Again. You make him so.. unlike himself. What the fuck is it with you?

"Oh, wait, are you sure--"

"You heard about it, huh?" Jaemin couldn't tell if the smirk on your face was a good thing. He doesn't want to fuck this up, and he's starting to think he just did.

"I'm sorry, If you don't want to talk about it--"

"It's fine. It's not that bad. Hell, It could've earned so much if it was uploaded in a porn site, y'know? Stupid Mr. Nakamoto," You chuckled, nonchalantly turning your body towards the screen again, as if what you just said didn't just shocked Jaemin to the core.

The fact that you weren't bothered about it, and even sounded like you're bragging about it wasn't the main thing Jaemin was apalled by. "Mr. Nakamoto?"

You smiled, as if you were reminiscing, "He was my Biology teacher. Couldn't accept the fact that I'm leaving him so he went and blackmailed me with the video, but his phone got stolen and poof, it spread around like a wildfire. If you ask another person tho, they'd just say I spread it myself. You choose what you believe-- I don't really care." And you looked like it too. You did not care, because if you did, you wouldn't just tell all of this to Jaemin.

"Did anything happened to that assho-- Mr. Nakamoto?" Jaemin feels heated. He doesn't know why, but what he knows is he wants to suckerpunch whoever that Nakamoto is.

"Got his license removed, but you know what's even more fun?" You leaned onto him, your lips next to his ear and whispered, "His wife was so devastated her husband had to find someone younger to fuck, she filed for divorce the very next day."

And just like that, Jaemin was left speechless. Again.

---

"Jaem, someone's looking for you." Renjun tapped his friend's shoulder, pointing at the student standing on the door. Jaemin slowly opened his eyes, way too tired to even stand up, and looked who it was.

To his surprise, it was Yoon Jeonghan. He knew this would come sooner or later, since he had a.. thing with his sister for a while. But he never thought that Jeonghan cared, afterall, Jeonghan never talked to him about it.

But oh boy, was he wrong.

"Heard you're fooling around with y/n?" Jeonghan was serious. He wasn't looking at Jaemin, he's just staring ahead. His hands on his pocket, as Jaemin stood behind him, confused.

"Yeah? What about it?" He knew you and Jeonghan were friends, he often sees you with him. But why does this conversation feel more intense?

"And my sister already talked to you about it, right?" This time, Jeonghan looked at him.

"Yeah, she's being weird about it." Somehow, Jaemin wants this conversation to be about Jiho instead of you. He wishes Jeonghan was only after him because of his sister, because then, he knew what to do. But its you. Jaemin never know what to do with you.

"Because she's right. You should stay away from her, man. Just-- a friendly advice, alright?" Jaemin hated how Jeonghan sounded so sincere. What could be so awful about you that even this man, who he never even talked to, warned him about you?

"Dude, not to sound rude, but how the fuck does me fucking around with y/n, your business?" His voice slightly getting sharper, owing to the fact that he hated getting told what to do.

"You're a good man, Na. I'm sure there's more prettier-- even more fucking hotter girls than her. She's not..." Jeonghan paused, almost saying something he would regret, "... good for you. I've known her forever, and she's not the type to be with."

"I know you're older than me, and I mean this with utmost respect, you and your sister should mind your own business. I don't know what she did to you and Jiho, but she's fine. And we're not even together! We're just fooling around! Y'all are so dramatic." With that, Jaemin turned around and left Jeonghan. He sounded so unbothered by all of this, but in all honestly, he's starting to question if there's really a valid reason on why Jeonghan and Jiho was so sincere about you being apparently, a bad person.

The way you laugh at Jaemin, the way you smiled, you tell your stories, and everything Jaemin saw you do, you being a bad person doesn't make sense to him. Sure, you've done some fucked up things but Jaemin never cared about that. You showed him genuine happiness, and Jaemin could never see you in the light that Jeonghan and Jiho painted you out to be.

And just like clockwork, your name popped up in his screen. Just as if everything in the past fifteen minutes never happened, his steps became slightly faster as he grabbed his things. He couldn't be more excited to see you again.

---

"This is pretty." Jaemin pointed out a painting, whilst he dressed himself. You were also doing the same thing, but you looked at where he was pointing at.

It was your artwork from last year. The canvas was leaning beside your dresser, along with other canvasses that you never put up.

"Wonderstruck." you said. You were a bit appalled that Jaemin noticed the only work you were actually proud of. It wasn't even displayed in the front, it was almost entirely covered by unfinished canvasses.

"Wonderstruck? That's its name? It's really beautiful." Jaemin sounded sincere, he really found the painting pretty. It was a couple, sitting by a river on golden hour. Sky was the shade of orange and blue, nighttime seeking in but the sun's still there, laying real low. It was in a middle of a field, lavender flowers scattered around.

It was new to you, men showing interest on something more than your face and body. It sparked something in you, Jaemin knew that with the way you jumped out of your bed, biting your lip, hesitating for a second, "Want to show you something."

"What do you think?" You were standing beside your kitchen table, with a few printed photos of people Jaemin didn't know. It was all in black in white, and all of them showed genuine smiles.

"Cool. Who are they?" Jaemin was adjusting his belt as he scanned every picture. The way you're looking so innocent and fluffy, showing him your photo collection can fool a person into thinking you did not just have mindblowing sex minutes prior. Jaemin stifles a laugh.

You, in your overalls smiled so brightly at him, excited that Jaemin showed interest on your work. "They're random people I saw on the street." You were fidgety, kept on arranging the photos. Looking at Jaemin for any signs of validation. Jaemin thought you were so cute, but he never said it out loud.

"Is it for your project?" Now, Jaemin doesn't have a single clue about the Art department in his school, but he knew it's important for you, so he tried his best.

"No. I just did it." You took one picture and showed it to him upclose. "I just like to see people smiling, you know? There's just something so precious with asking people to smile for you. Because when they do, you can tell that they just feel.. pretty. And I like making people feel pretty." You were so caught up in explaining that you didn't notice how Jaemin was looking at you. And he was thankful you didn't see it.

The way his eyes just expressed a thousand strings of emotions he's afraid to show almost felt dangerous, he didn't want to get caught. But for a moment, he let it happen because he was sure you were focused on something else. All the while he was focused on you. Because while you were explaining how smiling makes people pretty, he was thinking that you didn't need to smile and he's already thinking that you were the most beautiful person he had ever laid his eyes on.

But before you could even looked at him, Jaemin quickly focused his gaze on the photo you were showing him. "That's cool. But I never knew you were into photography aswell. I thought you were into paintings only."

"I'm into art, Jaem. And art comes with different things. Although I like painting more, photography is my second favorite. Here, before you go," Swiftly, you grabbed your polaroid camera and stood beside Jaemin, putting your arms around his shoulder making you stand on your tippy toes, and angling the camera where it could capture you both. Jaemin was caught by surprise but he still managed to smile and pull you tighter.

As soon as the flash disappeared, you removed yourself from him and grabbed the film. "This one's for you, so you could remember who your best sex was." She winked at him and chuckled before going back to rearrange her photos.

Jaemin, on the other hand, his eyes never left your figure. He was in awe, he was amazed, and fuck it, he was wonderstruck. But most importantly, he was fucking scared.

---

The next thursday came, and surprisingly, you didn't call. Jaemin liked to think you were just busy, so he never reached out. There's still sunday, he thought. And even if you didn't reach out this sunday, its okay. It's not like you had to keep the schedule, right?

Besides, Jaemin was busy aswell. He's planning Jeno's birthday. Usually, Renjun and Haechan was the one assigned to planning parties, but Renjun was occupied and Haechan wasn't feeling it. They were still helping Jaemin, its just that Jaemin wanted to throw a party for his bestfriend this time. Also, to take his mind off of you for a bit.

If he wasn't busy and occupied with something, Jaemin might go insane thinking about where you are or why you haven't been calling him. So he initiated.

"How fucking long is your list, Jaemin?" Renjun couldn't believe how long he's been scrolling through Jaemin's list for the party invitations. Yet, he isn't surprised.

"You know you can just announce that you're throwing a party and literally everyone who knows you and Jeno will come, right?" Haechan, laying on the couch scrolling mindlessly on his phone.

"Nah, I don't want some weirdo showing up uninvited." Jaemin pointed out, but he left out another reason. He wanted to waste time on listing names just to get you out his mind even for a short time.

"Well don't forget about Jisung's best friend." Haechan smirked.

"Jeno's brother's bestfriend? That's weirdly specific, bro." Jaemin added, shrugging his shoulders. Still, he wrote it down.

"A little birdie told me that Jeno has a thing for his brother's bestfriend." Haechan chuckled, fixing his glasses.

"What? How come I never knew that?" Jaemin asked. He's Jeno's best friend and an information like this would surely come up. Yet its the first time he's heard of this.

"That's because you're so far up that mystery y/n girl's ass you're starting to look like anal beads, bro." Renjun winced at Haechan's choice of words, but then again, he's used to it.

"I'm not, dude. I'm here most of the time, aren't I?" Jaemin looked at Renjun for validation, but he just rolled his eyes at him.

"He's actually right, Jaemin. You're whipped." Renjun added, smirking.

"What the fuck are you talking about? I'm literally here in front of you guys, on a thursday, which I'm supposed to be with her-- but I'm not because she didn't call-- but also because I want to be with you ass--"

"The more you talk, the more you prove our point. You're fucking whipped, Na Jaemin." Haechan sat down properly, playfull shoving Jaemin to provoke him. Jaemin just hit Haechan's hands away but that didn't stop the boy from annoying him.

"Think of it, dude. You went through two months with her-- only her. Two months-- dude. That's fucking bizarre for you. It's either that pussy was gold, or-- just like what we're saying, your ass is whipped." Haechan was pissing Jaemin off, not because he doesn't agree, its because he does. And admitting that would just fuck up everything you two have.

"I don't know what you're talking about. You guys are tripping, big time. I'm not whipped." Lies tasted bitter in his mouth. He might just be whipped.

He walked out of their hangout room, and just as he opened the door, his eyes widen. You were there, standing with your messy bun, clueless eyes and a box in your hand.

"H-hey?" Jaemin was caught offguard, as he closed the door behind him.

"That room looks like it stinks."

Jaemin chuckled, it does. "Mostly of weed and old furniture. What's up?"

"I,- uh, baked some cookies. Just-- y'know, wanted you to have some." You awkwardly raised your box of cookies to present them to Jaemin, and it takes so much of him not to melt on the spot.

"Thank you," Jaemin resisted the urge to call you 'baby', mostly because he didn't know if he was allowed to do it outside your apartment.

"Tell you what-- why don't we eat it together?" Jaemin.

"I'm free until 4:30?"

"Cool, we can go to the garden, there's barely any student there."

Jaemin smiled and grabbed you by your wrist. "But I know a much more cooler place."

"Really? Where?" Jaemin stopped, and it was your turn to hold him by the wrist.

Jaemin didn't ask, he just let you drag him anywhere. You could take him to a lion's den, he wouldn't care. Anywhere is fine with him as long as you're there.

After climbing on a flight of stairs, Jaemin noticed that you two ended up on Art department building's rooftop.

He hasn't been in here, and it was.. interesting. It looks like any other rooftop, messy and full of unused class chairs, except there was a spot where there's an old couch, just like what they have on their hangout spot. There's a random mini refrigerator and a lamp-- thats it.

"This is my super secret place. Be greatful I let you in here." You squinted your eyes at Jaemin as you patted the seat beside you, basically asking him to sit.

Jaemin did so, and looked ahead. He can see the entire school campus in here.

"This is pretty." He whispered.

"Much better than your stinky room, huh?" You bragged, opening a can of cola that you have on the mini fridge.

"Hey, how come you have that? We requested to have one but the stupid school didn't let us."

"Oh, this little guy? Johnny helped me with it." You smirked, tapping the blue mini fridge.

"Johnny?" A new name in Jaemin's books. Who's Johnny?

"Nurse Suh? His name is Johnny Suh, you didn't know?"

"I didn't." His vibe went a bit south, but he didn't let that spoil your moment together. It was rare for you to approach him in school, and he wanted to have that moment.

"This is good, damn." Jaemin munched on the cookies you got for him and it was honestly tasty. Better than any other cookies he had before, or maybe he was biased and his judgement was greatly affected by the fact that you made it. Eitherway, the cookies are delicious.

"I only made one batch and even that was too much for me. I wanted to give some out but.." you paused. "Funny, you're the only one I had in mind."

"Nurse Suh?" Jaemin didn't even know why he brought the guy up again, but he did.

"Nah, we don't do that." You smiled.

"And we do?" A tinge of hope sparked in Jaemin, that maybe he had some difference between him and Nurse Suh. Maybe you do treat him more special. A guy can dream, can't he?

"Sure, we do. I mean, I can't just throw away this exceptionally good tasting cookies, can't I? And you're the only one I have right now.. so."

Jaemin was enthusiastic. He felt like he won something. He can't help but smile even more, but also, he felt bad. When you said he was the only one you have, he thought about Jiho and Jeonghan.

"What about the Yoon siblings?"

You let out a humourless chuckle, more like a scoff. "Jiho doesn't talk to me anymore and Jeonghan.. well. It's complicated."

"I swear I just saw you two eating at the cafeteria." Heck, that's how he found out about you. Because you were sitting at the cafeteria beside Jeonghan.

"He just sat with me because he felt bad I was eating alone. Also I barely go down there to eat-- so he kinda just.. I don't know. Let's not talk about them anymore, Jaem."

---

"Look at me, baby." Jaemin whispered, softly grabbing your jaw to turn your head towards him. He has you on your side, holding your right thigh up as he slowy thrust. He can see that you're near, and damn, he can feel it too.

"J-jaem.." You start shaking, as your entire body give out. Looking into his eyes, his own pleasure wasn't on the table anymore, he just wants you to feel good. He can safely say that you are indeed the prettiest when you cum, and he's glad he can see you this way.

"That's right, sweetheart. Let go for me, will you?" This was very different on how you usually do it with him. You were usually intense, rough and fast, but something about tonight feels more... passionate. Jaemin never went any faster than his current tempo, yet he still hits every spot. Slow and deep, while he looks at your face, admiring the beauty he's glad he had the priviledge to see.

"Kiss me, Jaemin." You didn't even have to ask twice, Jaemin already dipped his head lower to reach your lips, tasting you while your walls tightens, your whimpers covered by his own lips, you just came.

Once Jaemin pulls away, he pulls a few strings of hair strands away your face to see you. Your eyes glistening, and not long when you let a tear drop. Jaemin could never wish for anything more than this.

"You're so beautiful, y/n." He whispered, more to himself, than to you.

"Thank you." You softly answered, smiling at him and giving him another kiss. Jaemin then let go of your thigh, instead wrapping his arms on your waist. It seems like you got the idea that he's near his climax so you positioned yourself in a way that he gets more of you, sticking your backside out more thus facing away from him.

"No, no, princess keep looking at me." Jaemin whispered and you followed, facing him again.

"You gonna cum for me, baby?" You asked sensually. His thrust slightly getting deeper, but never faster. His eyes went back and forth with both of your eyes as he nodded.

"For you, my love." He mumbled. His jaw slightly ajar, brows furrowed as he let out a deep moan, abruptly staying still and you felt his release warming up your walls.

"You did so good, Jaemin. So, so good." Your compliments just adds to his pleasure. Shivers ran down his spine, he manages to calm himself after his intense climax.

"You're so good to me. I lik--" Before Jaemin finishes, you pulled away from him.

"I'm taking a piss." You said, forcing yourself to stand up and walk your way to the bathroom.

And just like how he felt so good seconds before, it suddenly got washed away with the feeling of dismay. He can't believe he just attempted to say that. Fuck. Running his hands on his face, he mentally curses himself for being wreckless.

You were still in the bathroom when Jaemin heard a few knocks. He's confused, grabbing his phone to look at the time.

9:47pm. Who could visit you at this time?

He grabbed his boxers and quickly putting it on, as well as his shirt but he didn't bother to make himself presentable. He opened the door and his eyes widen.

"Nurse Suh?" He eyed the tall man, and the guy eyed him too. Both of them are confused as to why the other is standing where they are.

"Na Jaemin? What the hell are you doing here?" Johnny wasn't even sure why he was asking that, it's clear with Jaemin's shuffled hair and obviously--- him in his boxers.

"I'm sure you know the answer to that." Jaemin sounded rude, but he does not give a shit. Nurse Suh poses as a threat to him and your-- uh, situationship -- and Jaemin doesn't have a reason to be nice to him.

"Where is she?" Johnny's voice was full of concern, as he looked past the younger boy just to get a glimpse inside your apartment. That's until Jaemin steps outside, and closing the door behind him.

"What do you want from her?" Jaemin looks at him, and although the guy was taller and has a bigger built, again, he doesn't care.

"I'm sure you know the answer to that." Johnny's tone and him mocking Jaemin pissed him more. Letting out a huge breath, Jaemin looked at him straight in the eyes.

"You know-- you're whole relationship with her is fucked up, right?" Johnny was surprised on how Jaemin just turned off the calm facade. He didn't expect him to be triggered like this

"What relationship? You out of all people should know she doesn't do relationsh--"

"Yeah, whatever. You can't fuck around with her anymore, man. You're a fucking school staff, and she's a student. Also, you have a fucking girlfriend. I don't know how you're okay with this."

"The same way she's okay with it. Look, kid," Johnny closed his eyes and massaged his temples, he continued. "... me and her, we've been through some shit. Shit that you can't handle. But I know.. man, you care for her. And I don't want to hear your bullshit, you do care for her. And I do too. But she's not the kind to be with, y'know? She's gonna ruin--"

"Fuck! You weren't the only one who fucking told me that. I don't know what she did to you, but she's fine with me. If you think of her as this fucking tragedy on legs, then maybe you don't really care, don't you? But I do. So get off my fucking ass and don't see her again. Or I'm gonna have to report you." Jaemin didn't know where all of his words came from, but it did feel good. He doesn't think about the consequences of everything, but one thing's for sure. He's not gonna let anyone talk shit about you anymore.

Johnny, tho, never flinched. Instead, he smirks and even let out a chuckle. "You've got some nerves, kid. Okay. I'll back off. But don't come running back when she breaks you." he then turned around and got ready to leave, but a few steps in, he turned to Jaemin again.

"...oh, and tell her Happy birthday."

Jaemin stood there for a minute, watching Johnny leave. It's your birthday? How come you never said anything?

After a few deep breaths, he went inside the apartment again. Just in time when you walked out the bathroom, hair all wet and with a set of new pajamas.

"You done?" Jaemin approached with a smile.

"Yeah. You wanna take a shower?" You looked up at him. He shook his head as he patted your head. "You hungry?" he asked.

You smiled even more, looking up at him expectantly, "Please?"

"Okay. I'll go get us some food, alright? You don't worry your pretty little head." Jaemin gave you a kiss on the top of your head before getting his pants and keys, walking out of the apartment.

Not even half an hour, Jaemin came back. Not only with takeout, but also a bento box. You looked at him kind of confused on what it is, but when he opened it, your eyes widen. It was a small cake that he bought on the convenience store. He wanted a much more expensive one but he also wants to get back to you as soon as possible.

He then pulled out a small candle, sticking it onto the cake. Pulling out a newly bought lighter, and lighting the candle. "Happy birthday, princess. Make a wish." He smiles softly at you.

When all of this was happening, you didn't say a thing. You just looked at him with your glassy eyes, your mouth slightly apart. You blinked hard and fast before finally tracing back to yourself, "I'm.. how did you know?" you asked.

"Doesn't matter. Now come on, candle's burning out." Thats when you looked down on the candle, quickly closing your eyes, clasping your hands together as you thought hard about what you're wishing. Seconds after, you opened your eyes and blew on the candle.

Jaemin was still smiling, setting the small cake aside to give you a kiss on your forehead. He was surprised when your arms wrapped around his waist.

"Why do you have to make me so happy, Jaem? You make it so hard. So hard." You whispered, but Jaemin heard everything. He desparately wanted to answer, because he had an answer. And its something he's afraid to tell you. Because the result was uncertain. Its either it goes perfectly well, or he lose you. And he's not gonna take that risk.

So instead, he just returned your embrace, but even more tighter, giving you another kiss on your forehead. "I don't know." he answered quietly, lying to you and to himself.

"You're a good person, Jaem. Anyone would be lucky to have you." Your vulnerable voice made Jaemin feel warm. In a way, you sounded truthful. You felt genuine.

"You're lucky, then." Slowly, Jaemin. Lay it on her slowly.

"I can't have you." Your bitter smile showed.

"Why not?" Every second counted, every breath you take suddenly mattered.

"I can't do that to you," With a shaking voice, you buried your face in his chest even more.

"I don't understa--"

"Just shut up, shut the fuck up and let me have this." And with that, Jaemin never muttered another word. Instead, he just held you closer like this was the last time he gets to do so.

"Jaem?" You looked up at him, Jaemin looked dow n at you with his eyebrows up.

"I'm sorry." You said. And Jaemin didn't want to ask why you were apologizing, he doesn't like to know the reason behind it. Because he doesn't want you to give him a reason why he needs to forgive you about something.

---

"I think I'm inlove with her."

"Ya think?" Jeno, deep inside his phone, seems like he's stressed about something. Never minding his best friend's struggle, because everybody already knew Jaemin was inlove with you. It's not new information.

"Fuck! Shit!" Both their heads turn as they saw Renjun ran inside their hangout spot and closed the door.

"Hell is wrong with you?" Jaemin asked, but Renjun ignored him and proceeds to lock the door.

"Why's everybody so weird today?" Jaemin mumbled.

It is a very weird day for Jaemin. Somehow, he feels like something's not right. Well, yeah, his undying love for you was one thing he was stressed about but there's more, today's not like every other day, he thought.

That goes on for the rest of his morning. Its like he's waiting on something to happen, like everybody was so tense. You didn't text or call either, which was feeding onto Jaemin's paranoia. It's not like he's being clingy, but he's genuinely feeling something unsettling in his chest.

Maybe it was the coffee he had this morning, or maybe the fact that he's never had this dilemma about a girl before.

So, finally giving up his pride, he texted you.

4:50pm jaemin: wya

4:52pm jaemin: heyy

4:58pm jaemin: ??

You not answering definitely did not help. So, the next big thing he can come up with was go to your apartment. Not a smart choice but Jaemin never once claimed to be smart.

Once he took a step towards your door, for a moment. Jaemin regretted going here. He can see that your lights are on, and can hear shuffling inside. But fuck it, he's already here.

He thought you had someone over, maybe Johnny, or someone else. That made him heated. But the closer he was on your front door, he heard yelling-- and another voice, which he could tell was from a girl.

The door was ajar-- and once he was right infront of it, he could hear everything.

"Y/N! Please! Not him-- he's a good person. You know that!" He confirmed that it was Jiho who was arguing with you.

"I don't care what you feel, Jiho. Get the fuck out of my apartment!"

"Leave Jaemin alone--" Once Jaemin heard his name, his feet froze on the spot.

"Why the fuck are you so nosy? Is it because I stole your little Na Jaemin? Then go ahead! Get him back! But, oh-- newsflash, he doesn't want you anymore. Washed up and used--" The sound of a slap made Jaemin finally interfere. He walked up inside your apartment and saw you holding your cheek and Jiho crying. Both of them looked at him shocked.

"What are you doing here?" Jiho was the first one to speak, but Jaemin's eyes were focused on you.

"Did you just hurt her?" Jaemin was angry. The sight of your cheeks red and the fact that he knows Jiho just slapped you didn't sit right with him.

"Didn't you heard what she said?! Didn't you fucking understand what kind of person she is?" Jiho cried even more, she couldn't believe that someone as sweet as Jaemin would side with the most vile person she knows.

"Doesn't give you the right to hurt her." Jaemin threw all his principles away at this point. He doesn't care anymore.

"You're poisoning his mind, Y/N!" Jiho shouted, which you just smirked at her. Jaemin can't find the warmth inside your eyes, he just saw something empty.

"I didn't do shit, Jiho. Maybe you should just learn how to get out of my fucking trail. Or should I do something? Should I break your brother's heart for the second time?" Jaemin didn't know this version of you. Its like you've thrown away every emotion you have just to spite everyone.

"Don't you fucking dare." Jiho attempted to step towards you again but Jaemin put himself in between you and Jiho.

"Just go, Jiho." Jaemin calmly said.

Jiho didn't say anything, and let out a huge puff before walking out of the apartment, sobbing. She slammed the door shut and quickly the room went silent. None of you dared to talk for the first couple of minutes.

"I didn't want you here," you started.

Jaemin didn't say anything, instead, picking up some things that fell on the floor, trying to fix the apartment. Your paint brushes, your keys, and even some of your photos were on the floor. Must've been a very intense argument.

"Did you hear me, Jaemin? I don't want you here!" your voice strained, Jaemin pretended not to hear you as he continue to clean up the mess.

"Are you hungry? Want me to get you dinner?" Jaemin's voice was as normal as it can be. It doesn't make sense to you. But everything in this situation doesn't make sense.

Jaemin should be mad. Jaemin should go and leave you. Jaemin wasn't supposed to stay.

"Whatever-- do what you want. I'm going to bed."

Jaemin likes to think that in a couple of hours, you'll come up and be in a great mood. Sun shining and all that corny shit. Jaemin was also overly enthusiastic, one that masks with the real thing he's feeling right now. Nervous. Worried.

For a couple of days. Jaemin tried his best to get you out of your apartment because remember, you two are students. You were supposed to go to school. But you never left your bed. And for the first few days, Jaemin didn't go to school too. He was in your apartment day and night, looking after you. This wasn't like you before, Jaemin swears its like you're a whole new different person.

You didn't talk, didn't want to get up, and he knows damn well you aren't sleeping for the past days. You just layed there, emotionless.

He didn't know why he was doing this. You weren't you anymore and Jaemin doesn't know who he was even taking care of anymore. But he's still here. He's still with you.

The third day went and Jaemin is still in your apartment. Ignoring his friends-- and shit, even his mom. He doesn't want them to know why he's MIA for the past few days. He doesn't want everyone to know yours and his business. Whatever happenes between you two, stays between you two.

Jaemin woke up with you sitting on the kitchen. Eyes staring at nowhere, hair dishevelled and bags under your eyes forming.

"Goodmorning," Jaemin said in his sweet voice, careful not to scare you.

"I don't know how many times I should tell you this, but you should go, Jaemin. While I'm being nice." Even your voice sounds like a stranger. The pinch of joy that used to come with your voice were no longer there.

"I will, but I need to make sure you're fine---"

"I'm fine! I don't fucking need you here!" You yelled, Jaemin flinched but still remained calm.

"Are you hungry--"

"Maybe you've become dumb and stupid that you can't comprehend a simple fucking sentence, huh? I'm done with you, Jaemin. I'm sorry but you're useless to me now. I need a new face around here and yours is--"

"You really want me to leave?" Jaemin sincerely asked, like he was tired. Your eyes lifted, and you nodded.

"Yes." Jaemin's lips formed a thin line, his jaw clenched.

"Fine." He calmly walked away-- and convinced he can't take it anymore. He was tired mentally, emotionally and physically. You didn't want to be helped and Jaemin knew he can't handle you.

But as soon as the door shut behind him, his feet stood frozen as he waited. And not even a couple of minutes, the sound of your sobbing on the other side of the door made Jaemin turn his steps.

He was tired, but not fatigued. He knew he couldn't handle you but he can try. You didn't want to be helped but maybe tomorrow you change your mind. And maybe, just maybe, he can take another day.

"Breakfast, y/n. Come on." Jaemin, the fourth day. He went home for a bit, took a shower, but quickly went back to your place. And in his surprise, you were out of bed.

He can hear the faucet running, so he knew you were in the bathroom.

A few moments later, he heard you coming out of the shower. And there you are, hair all wet, freshen up after a few dreadful days and Jaemin was starting to see the color coming back in your skin.

"You feeling better, baby?" He softly asked.

"What are you still doing here?"

Jaemin didn't say anything, instead, giving you the most precious smile he had. "Come on, I cooked pancakes."

"Jaemin, get out. We're done, Jaemin. Get the fuck out!" Tears started forming again in your newly healed eyes, as you pointed out the door.

"I'm not leaving you, y/n." Finally, Jaemin acknowledged the situation.

"Who the fuck do you think you are, huh? When I say we're done, we're done, Jaemin. Can't get that through your thick head?" Words spew like venom, Jaemin starting to feel like he's staring at a stranger. Who is this person in front of him?

"I know you're upset and you haven't eaten a proper meal in days--"

"The fuck do you care?" And with that, you ticked something off from Jaemin.

"Fuck do I care?! Y/N, you've pushed everyone around you away and I was the one who stayed! For days I didn't go anywhere and stayed with you, y/n. Do I care?! Because even if I don't know what the fuck is going on with you I still fucking stayed! So yeah, I'd like to think that I care for you because I fucking lo-- shit!" Jaemin caught himself before actually saying the thing. He knows its a deal breaker if he said it but hopefully, you already felt it.

"Did I ask you to do all of that shit?"

Jaemin can almost feel his heart shatter. You really didn't care about him, or his feelings. He had a little bit of hope. And with a single sentence, you destroyed it.

Jaemin let out a humourless chuckle. "Fine. We're fucking done, y/n."

---

It's been a week and Jaemin's friends started to worry. Jaemin barely ate-- didn't attend his classes and barely got out of their hangout spot. Jeno had a call with his mom and told him that Jaemin didn't once contact them in almost a month. And thats where Jeno knew something was wrong. Jaemin loved his mom-- and he would never ghost her.

"Man, I don't know what to do. He just flicked me off when I offered him ramen." Haechan was serious. You barely see him being this concerned-- but even him, knows something was wrong with Jaemin.

"Is it about that y/n girl?" Renjun asked.

"Probably. I mean, eversince she came into the picture Jaemin basically became a different person." Jeno haven't met you yet, but this, what you're doing to his bestfriend definitely isn't giving a good impression.

"Maybe they're done. If Jaemin's looking like this and haven't mentioned a single thing about her, I think that's what this is." Renjun said, looking at his friend, and his sleeping figure.

"I have an idea." Haechan stood up and huddled his friends, but Jeno and Renjun stepped away. "No, Haechan, you don't."

"What? At least I'm trying to help our friend!" He grabbed both of his friends again, "Anyways-- we should introduce him to another girl. Get him back in the game, y'know?"

"What are we talking about?" The three of them almost jumped when Jaemin was suddenly huddled with them.

"Nothing! We're just thinking about how much booze we're buying for Jeno's party." Haechan's quick wits came into action but Jaemin didn't buy it.

"Stop being weird." He casually walked back to the sofa and plopped himself down again.

Jeno tho, had enough. "You're weird! What the fuck is with this act, bro? You look lovesick or some shit."

"m not doing anything, the fuck are you on about?" Jeno got even more pissed, because Jaemin was blatantly lying.

"That girl you're with is causing trouble, dude. You're barely going to class, we haven't seen you in days, you didn't call your mom in a week and just for her to fuck with the school nurse?" Jeno's still calm, not wanting to escalate the situation. But he figured that Jaemin needs to hear it one way of another.

Jaemin was visibly confused. What did Jeno mean about you with nurse suh? Didn't he already dealt with that?

"Saw her yesterday at the nearby convenience store with Nurse Suh. I don't know, dude but she's not worth all this shit. And I don't even wanna talk about the stuff I heard about her previous school, man." Haechan was a little hesitant about confronting Jaemin, but since Jeno has already started it he's got no choice but to just say it.

"You're out of your mind if you think you have the right to say all that shit. You don't even know her." Every word that Jaemin says was delivered with so much intensity, even the boys were starting to feel uneasy.

"We're just confused Jaem, eversince you met that y/n girl its like you became a whole new perso--" Renjun was cut off when Jaemin let out a scoff.

"Okay, I see what's going on here. If we're airing out our business here then let me have my fucking turn." Jaemin stepped towards Jeno, "You, aren't you shagging your lil bro's bestfriend? Yeah? Guess what, so is half the school."

"Hey, the hell? What's wrong with you, man?" Haechan interfered. He knew the look that Jeno has right now was serious, and he also knew that if he didn't get in between them, chaos will ensue. So he quickly stepped beside Jeno.

"What the fuck do you know about me and her, Renjun? I minded my own business when you went out with your girl out of pity." Jaemin doesn't know where that came from, but it already went out his lips. He wasn't the one to say things like that but somehow it came out. Renjun was fazed, to say the least.

"And you--" Jaemin let out an sigh and smirked, slowly turning towards Haechan. "You talk high and mighty but everybody knows you're a fucking cheater, Lee Haechan. So you, especially you, doesn't have the right to even mutter a thing about her. Because if we're talking about being an asshole, you take the fucking throne." Jaemin's eyes are empty, and so his mind. He just wanted to say anything to get back at his friends without thinking.

"Fuck you, man. Seriously. All this for that girl? You look fucking pathetic, Na Jaemin." Jeno was aggravated and fuming, but he was never gonna go down with violence, specially with his best friend. He knew better.

"It doesn't even fucking matter what you think about her anymore, cuz y'know what? We're done. She doesn't wanna see me anymore. So go ahead and talk shit about her but make sure I'm not in the fucking room next time." The room was silent, they didn't know what to say. Obviously because this was the first time they saw Jaemin like this.

"I think this shit got out of hand, I know you're upset but we're just genuinely concerned, dude." Renjun, now on the much calmer side, tries to difuse the situation.

"Okay, I'm just gonna ignore what you said because I know you're upset, Jaemin. But come on, man, you've met her what? For two months? And you're already losing yourself? I swear if this could be any other girl I wouldn't say anything but man.. she's only trouble. And you can get angry at us all you want but I'm glad you got out of that situation." This side of Haechan was rarely seen, because it only comes out when they need it the most. And for Jaemin, its also rare that he agrees with Haechan but this time, he did.

For the next week, Jaemin tried to bring himself back, and his friends noticed it too. He became active again, going to parties with them and even got back to planning on Jeno's birthday party. There was no sign of you, your name or your presence. Jaemin was starting his old ways again, meeting some girls here and there.

"Hey, what did I tell ya, huh? She's great, isn't she?" Haechan grinned at him, as they walked together.

"Nah, I've had better." Jaemin non-chalantly said.

Haechan looked at his friend, smile slowly getting bigger. "There's the asshole I know, glad you're back to the game, man!" Haechan with his proudest smile, shook Jaemin playfully and but the boy did nothing but chuckle.

His friends were satisfied and pretty much convinced that you were completely out of Jaemin's system. To see Jaemin go back to whatever he was before you, definitely brought back the Jaemin they knew.

"Happy birthday, man! Whew, how does it feel to be an old hag?" Haechan joked as he hugged Jeno, Jeno just playfully pushed him away.

The music was loud and people were starting to fill up Jeno's house. It's his parent's house and they were out of town, as per Jeno's request on his birthday. No one wants to party with their parents, ofcourse.

To say that Jaemin pulled off the party planning was an understatement. It was only 8pm and the party is already packed. Jaemin really outdid himself on this one, also with a little help from Haechan and Renjun.

"Happy birthday, Lee! This party is fucking lit, dude!" Yangyang, from engineering department went and greeted Jeno. "We've got Jaemin to thank for that." Jeno responded loudly, trying to communicate among the loud music.

"Yeah-- where's Na?" Yangyang asked, and Jeno was clueless as him. He knew Jaemin was in the house, he saw him earlier. But after that he never saw him again.

His eyes went around the room to find atleast Haechan or Renjun, and he only found Renjun on the side, in his phone. "He's around, somewhere." Jeno answered, bidding goodbye to the friend and walked across the room to approach Renjun.

"Where's Jaemin?" Jeno managed to ask.

"Upstairs with the girl Haechan introduced him to!" Renjun wiggled his eyebrows at Jeno, and Jeno nodded in agreement. At least he knew Jaemin was having fun.

Little did they know, Jaemin wasn't having fun.

"Come on, Jaemin.. how long does it take?" The girl whispered sexually, kissing his neck like its her last meal.

"Just.. don't talk." Usually it doesn't take Jaemin this long to get hard, but the girl just doesn't do it for him. Its been almost thirty minutes and Jaemin is getting tired, but he also doesn't want to disappoint, so he tries his best to focus on the girl, but he just couldn't.

His phone constantly vibrating doesn't help, so he grabbed it and threw it on the other side of the bed.

Jaemin closed his eyes, felt every single touch and did the worst thing he could ever do to himself. He imagined it was you.

You were touching him, kissing him and giving him warmth. It's you he's with, not this girl, not any girl. Its you. And it worked. It brought back memories of you that sparked something in his body. Small waves of pleasure started. And just as he's slowly starting to function, he heard the door open.

Jaemin's back was facing the door but the girl on his lap can see who just entered. The little mindgames in his head was interupted when the sound of the door brought him back to reality.

"What the fuck? This room is occupied!" The girl with him yelled, completely destroying the fantasy Jaemin created in his head. He's back to square one again, and this time he's not trying again.

As soon as the intruder left, Jaemin lifted the girl off his lap. "Sorry, Cindy, bab--" he can't even call her 'baby'. "--but you need to go."

Jaemin didn't wait for her answer and left her on the bed while he walked and locked himself on the bathroom.

As soon as he knew that the girl had officially left, that's when he went out to his room again. His hands finding his phone, he checked what time it is. 9pm.

Jaemin brushed his hands through his hair, frustrated and strssed.

He ignored the multiple chat that Jeno and Renjun had sent, and went to an food delivery app instead.

Delivery Status: Successful

Items: 1 Full Steak Meal with Pineapple Juice and NY Cheesecake

Total: 80,000krw

Notes: Don't skip a meal :) -J

Jaemin has been sending food to your place for the past week. In exactly 9pm, when he knew you'd usually have your dinner.

The next morning, he woke up fine. He didn't really drink much so he didn't have any sort of headaches or symptoms of a bad hangover.

The house was eerily quiet, as usual, the morning after a very big party.

He was the first to wake up and the whole house was trashed. He didn't expect anything else, ofcourse seeing the amount of people last night.

He knew all four of them was still in the house tho, maybe a couple of girls, so as the designated sober person he took the initiative to prepare breakfast. It was calming for Jaemin to take care of people.

Not long after he heard a couple of footsteps, and of course, it was Renjun.

"Mornin'" Renjun, hair sticking out everywhere, still in his clothes from last night.

"Had fun last night?" Jaemin asked, smirking.

"Didn't you read the texts I sent you last night?" Renjun asked. Jaemin's smirk disappeared.

"What text?"

"Jeno wouldn't want me to tell you this but... she was here. She was looking for you but Jeno and I didn't tell her where you were. She knew that you were here because she told us you invited her a while ago, she looks so.. tired. And then she asked Jisung, who doesn't have a clue with the whole y/n situation so he told her that you were upstairs." Renjun thought that Jaemin needed to know what happened. Jeno thought otherwise.

Jaemin felt his blood drain out of his body. He remembered someone knocking and opening the door to where he was with a girl last night, but he didn't know who it was. Jaemin's heart was racing. He was sure it was you. And he was also sure how fucked up it is to find him like that.

Jaemin didn't say anything, grabbing his keys as he left Renjun thinking if he made the right decision.

"Y/n! Y/n!" Jaemin was knocking on your door with urgency, and after a few, the door opened.

You were there. Standing in front of him but why can't Jaemin find any familiarity?

You were so different. You've lost weight. You're not you-- yet his heart still beats the same. His eyes still found warmth as you looked at him. The smile that left no trace on your face still lingered around Jaemin's memories and for that he still knows that somehow, you're still you.

"Hey." You whispered. You sounded weak.

Jaemin was about to hug you-- confront you about last night but once his eyes left the beauty that is your face, his heart skipped a beat. His body froze, he felt like time stopped.

Your shirt. Your fucking shirt. You're wearing a faded out starwars shirt.

"W-what are you wearing?"

"Oh this? Ah, right! Tell Haechan thank you for last night-" You smiled, the sweetest smile that Jaemin once loved, was now stabbing him in the chest.

"Don't..-- Why are you-- I don't understand.." Jaemin finally broke down, eyes letting go of the tears he held. You're breaking him down-- you're ruining him.

"What? You thought I was better?"

"Y/n.. don't do this to me.." Jaemin whispered. Knees giving out, yet he remained still.

"I don't know what to tell you, Jaemin. I'm everything they told you I would be."

"You're just.. cruel. My friend, y/n? My fucking friend?" In contrast with his cursing, his tone wasn't angry. It was despair.

"Will you leave me now?"

"Did you.. did you sleep with him?" Stupid question.

"I don't know, Jaemin. Did I?"

"You're.. fuck, y/n you're just cruel. Cruel and fucking unfair. Whatever did I do to you?" His voice strained. Drip-drop.

"Do you finally hate me?" Drip-drop.

Drip-drop.

Drip...drop.

"Yeah.. yeah I think I do."

And there it was. The last drop of Jaemin's feelings for you. Congratulations, y/n. You've finally drained him out of love.

---

Three days, Jaemin went off the grid. He stayed with his mom, giving himself a break.

He didn't want to contact any of his friends. At least not for now. He knew he still had that pent up anger towards Haechan, and he don't want to do anything that would result in him being violent. He knew that it was all your plan, just to get him to leave you alone.

What he couldn't understand is why Haechan did it. Haechan knew what Jaemin felt for you, like shit, he knew before Jaemin even knew for himself. He was one of the people who made Jaemin realize his feelings for you.

He wished he had listened to everybody and just left you alone. He wished he took everyone's advice and minded his own business. Maybe all of this wouldn't have happened.

Eventually he had to comeback. His school isn't very much happy with him and its not like its the end of the world. Everything is moving on but him, and nobody likes to be left behind.

As soon as his friends saw him, Haechan froze. He quickly tried and approached Jaemin. "Dude. Where were you? Everybody was looking for you--"

"Don't touch me, Lee Haechan." Jaemin wasn't angry, but he wasn't calm either. His tone is strong and firm, enough to stop Haechan from his tracks.

"Is this about Jeno's birthday?" Jaemin wanted to punch Haechan for even bringing it up. How could he?

"I swear to God if you don't step back--"

"What the hell is wrong with you, Jaemin?" Renjun was the one to interfere this time.

"What's wrong with me? This fucker slept with y/n and you're asking me what's wrong with me, Huang?!"

"Hold up-- hold the fuck up, What do you mean?" Jeno, eyes going back and forth between Haechan and Jaemin.

"She told you we slept together?" Haechan was legitamately confused.

"She was wearing your ugly ass shirt, Haechan."

"Yeah because I lent it to her? She was at the party and I accidentally bumped into her and she got alcohol spilled all over her shirt, Jaemin. So I had to fucking give her a shirt and then she ran away right after. You think I'd do that to you?!" Haechan was fully arguing with him now but Jaemin had remained silent.

Then why did you let him think that you did it? Why would you put him through this? Are you that desparate to make Jaemin hate you?

Jaemin brushed his palm all over his face. He was dumbfounded. He then plops down on the couch, deliberately thinking about the past few days he spent trying to get you off his head. And he thought he was damn near on succeeding, but the sudden information struck him down again.

And just as the tension was slowly coming down, a sudden intrusion on their room made the four of them look at the door.

"He's here? Na Jaemin!" Jiho burst through the door, passing through the three boys who were too caught in the moment to stop her.

"J-Jiho.." Jaemin stood up again, as Jiho stood in front of him.

"What did you do?!" Jiho was frustrated and angry, to say the least.

"Let's calm down," Renjun, the forever pacifist meekly attempted to delute the situation in hand.

"No! I told you, Jaemin! We told you to stay away from her!" Jiho.

"Are you blaming him? Your friend is a pathological liar who likes to play with peopl--" Jiho angrily turned towards Jeno, making the boy stop his rant.

"You're not part of this." Jiho then looked at Jaemin again.

"We're done, Jiho. I don't want her anymore. I don't want anything to do with her--"

Jiho smirked, "She left, Jaemin. She pulled out of school."

The room filled with silence, and it was so loud. Nobody wanted to say anything, partly because they were waiting for Jaemin to react.

"She-- what?" Jaemin was shocked. His body didn't know how to react. Every bones started to feel loose, it was so eerily quiet that it feels like he can count the seconds it takes for his heart to beat again.

Jiho's tears started to flow. "She was sober for six months, you know? We thought we finally fixed her-- she was doing fine. And then you-- you just had to come in and ruin everything."

"I don't underst--"

"I don't want to blame it all on you, because I know you're also hurt-- but Jaemin we begged you to stay away from her. But you didn't. You--" Jiho sat down, hands on her face, shoulders shaking.

"S-she--" Jaemin couldn't form a sentence.

"Where were you? In the past three days, Jaemin, where were you?" Jiho took a sharp breath, raising her head and looked at Jaemin once again.

"I was at my mom's..." Jaemin answered meekly.

"I found out last Thursday. When you saw us fighting at her apartment, that was when I caught her doing drugs. I was trying to--, fuck, I was trying to throw it away and then she got angry and started to talk about you. I guess she felt that you were by the door and started to talk about you.." Jaemin remembers that clear as day. The day you visibly changed right in front of his eyes.

"She left Sacred Heart last year because of the scandal. It hit her so bad, and that's when it started. She was introduced to drugs and later diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Me and Jeonghan knew her from our childhood and we did our best to help her. And then she went out with Jeonghan and that's when our falling apart happened. She broke my brother's heart and I can't even blame her because I know she only did it because she wants everyone to leave her. She thinks she's a burden to everybody. And then Nurse Suh came into the picture and helped her to get free medication, and when she did, eventually her addiction stopped. And then you happened, and for a while she was so happy. But suddenly Nurse Suh cut her off and the medication stopped. That's why she drove you away, Jaemin. You know what she told Jeonghan before she left? She said that you didn't deserve to be with her."

"She can't leave, did you check the apartment?" Denial. Jaemin can't process everything yet. He doesn't want to.

"Her stuff's out of the apartment. We found this," Jiho pulled out a polaroid picture. Jiho reached out to Jaemin, swiftly before letting go of the photo.

"She's a good person, Jaemin. She's just broken. I know you did your best, but we can't help a person who doesn't want to be helped. I just hope you don't hate her forever." Jiho then walked away.

Jeno, Haechan and Renjun was silent. They didn't say anything, not to disturb their friend's moment of silence. One by one, the left the room, leaving Jaemin and a photo that had a glimpse of a moment where you were once his.

It was the picture of you and Jaemin. Happily smiling. Upon seeing the photo, Jaemin finally broke down.

At the back, there was something written.

Hi, Jaem. Thank you for the food you've been sending! Although I didn't eat it, I still know that it's delicious!! Remember when we talked about photography? How I love people's smile? Guess what? I think yours is my favorite. So please keep wearing it. You're precious, Jaem. I am so sorry for everything. I hope you get the love that you deserve. Do me a favor and forget me, will you? -y/n :)

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.

"Is it on?" Jaemin was a giggling mess, infront of you as you filmed him beside you on your bed, nothing but the sheets.

"It is! Okay, ladies and gents,--"

"This man right here," You booped his nose, "Just gave me a mind blowing orgasm about.. hm, six minutes ago?" Jaemin laughed at the camera, before wiggling his eyebrows at it. "I did, one of my proudest talents."

"Shut up!" you laughed. "Anyways, Mr. Jaemin-ssi. Tell the whole world your age and what you want to be when you grow up!" You giggled, focusing the camera on his bare face. His eyes heavy, smile reaching his eyes.

"22, and yours." He whispered as he looked at your eyes instead of the camera lense.

"What? You barely said anything!"

"I just did what you told me, baby. I told my whole world what my age was and what I wanted to be." Jaemin can see the sudden rush of color on your cheeks. You frowned cutely.

"You're a loser." A tinge of smile you desperately hid made Jaemin laugh. He likes it when you pretend you don't like his corny takes.

Jaemin then grabbed the camera, now turned it to you, also nothing but the sheets and bare face. Jaemin is convinced this is what heaven must look like.

"Now to my pretty interviewer-- aren't you gorgeous?" You jokingly cleared your throat, smiled so big that it could make anyone blind.

"Hi, I'm y/n, Jaemin's pretty interviewer."

"So, my pretty girl. 5 years from now, how do you see yourself?" You were a bit unprepared with Jaemin's question, he sees it the way your smiles faltered a bit.

It took you a minute before you answered, "Better. I hope I can be better so I can take care of this little manchild." You somehow turned it light, grabbing the camera from Jaemin and pointing at him.

"Well, y/n from 5 years from now, I'm glad-- I hope, I'm still there by your side."

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.

"Yeri, I've told you a hundred times, she's my mother so you need to treat her with respect!" Jaemin can't help but yell, just as he followed Yeri out of the restaurant.

"She doesn't like me, Jaemin! Gosh your mother is so-, I'm not dealing with her shit anymore, Jaemin!" Yeri yelled back, stomping her feet as she walked toward's Jaemin's car.

Yeri is Jaemin's girlfriend for four months. He went out with her upon his father's request and to his mother's dismay. His father thought Jaemin could finally settle down with a woman after you.

Jaemin can't help but grunt, looking up, frustrated and honestly just tired. Everyday he questions why he's even with Yeri. The girl did nothing but drain his wallet, disrespect his mother and treat him like a trophy boyfriend.

"She's not allowed in our apartment anymore," Yeri said as she settles herself on Jaemin's passenger seat.

"What apartment? It's my apartment and you sleep there, Yeri. And you can't just-- ban my mother from my place!" Jaemin has already forgotten the time where him and Yeri never argued.

"Did you see the way she looked at me? And you're gonna sit there and not defend me?" Jaemin admits that his mother did have a distaste with his girlfriend, but never once did his mother did anything to show that. She is not that kind of person and Jaemin's sure he's not the only one to vouch for that.

"She was trying to make a conversation and you blatantly ignored her, Yeri."

"I didn't like her tone." she rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone as Jaemin drove. He decided not to talk anymore, mostly because he doesn't want to argue anymore.

"What're we doing here?" Yeri saw that he parked outside her apartment complex.

"I need time for myself, Yeri. I can't handle you anymore." He expressed with utmost respect.

"Are you kidding me? You're kicking me out of your place?!" Yeri squealed, almost making Jaemin cover his ears.

"You can disrespect me but not my mom, Yeri."

Yeri smirked, crossed her arms on her chest, and looked at Jaemin. "You're trash, Jaemin. Such a fucking mama's boy. I bet this isn't even about your mother, huh? Still about that bitch who left y--"

"Get out or I'm gonna have to drag you out, Yeri. Please." Thankfully, Yeri did get out, but not walking away before she slams the door, making Jaemin flinch a bit. He makes sure the Yeri actually went in the building before he drove off.

He pulled out his phone, texting his mom. He decided that he'll just go back to the restaurant and apologize for Yeri's behavior. He knew that his mom was hurt, and he can't let the night pass without comforting his mom.

Luckily, the restaurant is near where he was so it took him about ten minutes to go back. Getting out of his car, he wondered if his parents are still there.

Looking further inside the restaurant, he didn't notice someone walking out the door so inevitably, he bumped and collided with a man. He quickly bows, "I'm sorry, man."

"No worries," Jaemin was a bit perplexed on how deep the man's voice is, but shrugged it off anyways.

"Felix!"

Jaemin felt his heart stop a beat. He knows that voice.

"I'm here," The man responded.

Jaemin was frozen on the spot. He was afraid to look behind him and put a face in to the voice he just heard, but he's sure as hell he's not leaving this spot without knowing who it is.

"Excuse me," This time, the woman was much closer to him as she walked pass Jaemin.

His breath hitched, time slows down as he saw the back of her head.

Before she could even take a step further, Jaemin grabbed her wrists, not thinking of anything,-- just the fact that he desparately wanted to see her face.

"Hey!-- What,-- Jaemin?"

There you are.

Jaemin gulped before blinking to see if he was just hallucinating but there you really are. "Y/N," he whispered, more to himself.

"You know him?" The man, who he assumes was Felix, asked, looking at Jaemin's hands on your wrist. It brought Jaemin back to reality, and swiftly let go of your hand.

"Y-yeah," Your cheeks burned, not letting your eyes away from Jaemin. It was like everyone else blurred out, and you two were the only ones in the room.

"You okay, man?" Thats when Jaemin realized that his jaw was actually a bit slacked, staring at you for a solid minute now. He shook his head to look at Felix,

"Yeah. Uh, y/n, how-- how are you?" Jaemin's breathing was starting to get abnormal, as he was really shocked to see you here.

"Good," you cleared your throat, "Great, actually. Uhm, Felix, this is Jaemin," "Jaemin, Felix." The two shook hands, Felix was still visibly confused but Jaemin was still stuck on you.

"Old friend?" Felix asked.

"Is that what she told you?" Jaemin, glancing on you.

"Yes?" Felix was starting to feel uncomfortable, as he had no clue what the heck is happening in front of him. You two looked perplexed and out of it, to say the least.

"I--, We need to go, Felix. Hey, uhm, Jaemin-?" It was obvious you were aghast, just like Jaemin.

Jaemin looked back at you again, "Yeah?"

"I'll see you around?" You uttered.

"Okay." Jaemin said quietly.

The two started to walk away from Jaemin, but Jaemin was left there frozen. In his own thoughts, drowing in memories about you. Everything came crashing back on him and it was overwhelming. After so long, you still had that power over him. You still manage to get his guard down.

This is fucking dangerous. Jaemin shouldn't even feel like this. One look, one word-- and its like his whole being fell again. Is destiny truly fucking with him? He took so long-- months, to get you out his system. Or at least burn it so deep inside his brain along with the memories you have. And for what? All of it being opened like a freshly sewed wound, all because of a three second interaction?

That night, Jaemin went home with a feeling so familiar. Like he wanted to find you again. Just like the first time he saw you at that cafeteria. He wonders if he'll see you again.

Actually, no. He will make sure to see you again.

---

"You can't break up with me,"

Jaemin sighed, he didn't know what else to do. This was the only way Jaemin thought of, specially after his encounter with you. He knew the effect you had on him that night wasn't the innocent 'seeing your friend after long time' type of thing. He knew there's more to it.

"I'm sorry," and he really is. He didn't want to string Yeri along, and doesn't want to give her false hope that this relationship is going somewhere.

"Is this about your stupid mom? Fine, I'll apologize!" The thing with his mom was also a big thing in coming to this decision. Jaemin likes to think that even if he didn't see you that night, this breakup was inevitable. It was coming, sooner or later.

"Don't-- don't call my mother like that, Yeri, please. And no, there's more to it. Please, I want a clean breakup," Jaemin didn't want to elaborate, he didn't want to hurt Yeri even more.

"You can't leave me, Jaemin! We have a party to attend-- I already told them about you! Do you want me to be embarrassed?" Of course. Of course its about the fucking party.

Jaemin was a trophy for Yeri. Handsome and rich, Yeri bragged about having him in her palms. Jaemin never complained about it but it does bother him. And Yeri bringing it up now just showed him how Yeri never really cared about this relationship.

"You can find a new boy toy, somewhere else, Yeri. I'm done." He's not gonna lie, there's still a pang of guilt when he walked away from Yeri. He knew it was unavoidable, yet it with you in the picture again, it does play a huge part.

"A fucking toast for the newly single man! I'm so proud of you for letting that devil reincarnate go!" Haechan was beyond sober, as he welcomed Jaemin who just came a few minutes earlier.

"You really did it, huh?" Renjun smiled, putting his arm around Jaemin's shoulder.

"Yeah, I guess." Jaemin shrugged. Every moment feels important to him. He doesn't have any idea when you'll show up again. So he better not drink even a drop of alcohol, just in case.

"Why the long face?" Jeno was buzzed aswell, completely leaning on the bar couch. Eyes barely open, he's been drinking quite a lot lately.

"Nothing," Jaemin doesn't want to say anything about you and his' encounter, he didn't want to jinx it.

The bar was loud and busy, yet Jaemin was quiet and stuffy. He does feel relieved, breaking up with Yeri was a huge weight off of his shoulder. But he can't get off his mind the words you said.

"I'll see you around?"

Where exactly is around? When will you see him? Is it in the same restaurant? Will you text him to meet? Is that Felix guy your boyfriend?

"You're such a bore, Jaemin. Not even a shot?" Its a mystery how Jeno managed to stand on his feet with how drunk he is but he still did, handing Jaemin a shot, which Jaemin refused.

"Not in the mood,"

"Whatever. Y'know, eversince that gi-"

Before Jeno could even finish, Renjun, which had a little to zero alcohol in his system quickly pulled Jeno down beside him.

"I'll sew your mouth close, Lee. Now sit down and let me fucking find the other Lee." He was referring to Haechan, which also is drunk out of his mind, but still ran into the sea of people on the dancefloor.

"I need a breather," Jaemin decided to go outside the bar, but making sure that Jeno is well situated first before leaving the poor man laying in the couch.

In every other situation, he would've loved to match Jeno's energy and got drunk as much as his best friend, but this time he is truly not in the best condition to do so.

As soon as the bar's door closed behind him, the sudden silence was almost deafening. Which Jaemin wouldn't tell if its much worse than being inside, since he was left with only his thoughts and the street in front of him.

He crossed the road into a nearby convenience store, wanting some water or any drink that could possibly soothe his mind.

"Thank you," He bowed to the cashier, as he paid for the drink in hand.

The store was empty. Just him, the staff, and some random music quietly surrounding the store.

He sat by the stools, contemplating if he should just go home. Phone dead, he disregarded the idea of calling Renjun, who he is sure would prefer to be with him in this quiet convenience store rather than to babysit two grown adults who can't seem to handle their alcohol.

Dropping the phone on the side of the table, Jaemin quietly opened and drank the coca cola he bought. He just now realized that this was his dinner. He forgot to eat. Funny, Jaemin being a big advocate of not skipping a meal, skips a meal.

The dingling sound of the door was heard, Jaemin never bothered to look because again, this is a 7/11. People come and go. A slight set of footsteps was also prominent, seemingly roaming around the store.

"Can I sit here?"

Wide eyes, heart skipping a beat. The music was suddenly gone and everything else blurred out.

"Y-Y/N." He stuttered. He can't swiftly grasp the situation before you sat down the stool beside him.

"Hi." Your hair a bit shorter, cheeks a bit fuller, carrying a shade of pink, your figure covered with a thick coat.

You placed a couple of kimbap in front of you and a coca cola, same as his.

"What are you doing here?" Jaemin, carefully picking his choice of words as to not show any signs of discomfort.

"I was passing by and.. actually, no. I followed you here." For a moment there, you sounded like you wanted to lie, but backtracked and told Jaemin the truth.

"Did you now?" Jaemin remembered when he followed you that one time, and it feels like the tables have turned.

"Yeah, figured we needed to talk." You were timid, can't barely see Jaemin eye to eye. From his memories, you were always confident with what you say. So seeing this demeanor in front of him was a change.

"How are you?" Jaemin asked, genuinely curious.

"Never been better," You answered back, with a full chest and a heave of deep breath like you were relieved.

"I'm glad," Every last word was quickly followed by a complete silence.

After a few moments of deep thought, Jaemin wasn't sure what to say. Yes, before you showed up, questions was flooding in his brain. Asking for answers on why you left, why'd you lie and most importantly, why did you break him for no reason.

Jaemin's thoughts mustve been loud, hence the next dentence that came out of your lips.

"I'm guessing you have questions?"

Maybe Jaemin should've had a few shots before, to ease the tension and gain liquid courage, because fuck, he doesn't think he can handle this tonight.

But for the months you were gone, Jaemin isn't gonna pass this rare chance that you showed up, much more, showing up to talk to him properly.

"Why'd you leave?" Three words that circulated Jaemin's mind on those months you were gone. A question he asked himself a lot of times.

You were still for a bit, likely thinking about the answer. Jaemin could explode at any moment, he feels.

"I signed myself up for rehabilitation."

This wasn't the answer Jaemin expected. Its somehow a blow, to him, because he was angry at you for flaking on him for no reason. But now that you answered one of the many questions he had, it made Jaemin regret some of the things he had thought of about you. His guilt crept in.

"I-, I didn't know."

"Only a few knew about that. You were one of the unlucky ones to have suffered from it, so I thought you needed atleast an explanation." You smiled bitterly, still looking outside, whilst Jaemin looked at your side profile.

You continued. "I assume Jiho had filled you up with some of my dilemmas after I left. But trust me, Jaemin. I never intended to hurt you. You're so undeserving of the things I did but I had to make you hate me. I knew you cared for me back then, more than I had anticipated and I never really wanted to give myself that. I knew I can't receive love I didn't deserve. And I can feel it too, Jaem.." you paused.

Jaem. Oh how he missed the way you called him that.

".. I can feel that you really wanted to fix me. And you truly tried your best. But back then I didn't want to be fixed. And its unfair to have you selfishly. I never slept with your friend, I just made you believe that. I wanted you to despise me, to never think about me ever again." Well, you failed on that part, big time.

"Just hoped you gave me a chance to take care of you," Jaemin muttered.

"I'm not that evil to give you a burden like that,"

"You were never a burden to me,"

You let out a humourless grin, "I'd like to believe that, but we both know that's not true. For as long as I remember, I had been apologizing for just.. existing."

"I could've been there, y/n. I could've helped you."

"No, Jaemin. I don't think so, cuz even then, I couldn't even help myself." You spoke with great sincerity.

Another cruel moment of silence passed, and it was the most intense yet. None of you spoke, as if your thoughts were connected and understood each other without even saying a word.

"You really fucked me up, you know." It was now or never for Jaemin. Might as well open the can of worms now, and regret everything later. He might not have the same courage and opportunity as now.

"I did. And I'm so.. so sorry."

"But it's fine, y/n. I was young and naive, I guess I needed that. I already forgave you, fuck it, I don't even need to because I never truly hated you. All I did was love you, and even after you broke me, I still did." Looking into the distance, after so many failed attempts, he finally said it out loud. He was ready to risk it all, again.

"And I knew that, Jaemin. And maybe, I did love you too but back then I didn't know what love is. It was so scary and overwhelming that even from a distance, I already despised that kind of feeling."

"Are you... happy?" Jaemin thought about the man you were with. And at this moment, your answer was crucial, as it was a defining moment of what step or path he should go next.

"Yes. Are you?" Looking at him, you saw his eyes fill with unspoken comprehension of what its like to be happy and sad at the same time.

Happy that you're doing great, sad because he had just accepted the fact that you're much better with somebody else.

"I have no idea." And that was the truth. He wasn't sure if theres a word that could describe how he feels.

"Yeri, right? I heard from someone that you're with her. She seems great," Oh, what a great timing.

"We broke up already."

You widen your eyes and smiled awkwardly, "I'm sorry,"

"No, its okay. It wasn't working anyways. It was bound to happen sooner or later. You and Felix?"

"He's a great friend. He helped me with sobriety and therapy." Friend? Is that so?

"I thought you were dating," Jaemin liked the way this is going, it gave him hope.

"No, not really, never had anyone after you."

Is Jaemin supposed to be proud? Nonetheless, he felt a slight flutter in his chest. He was about to make a decision that will ultimately trash the imaginary walls he tried to build.

"Have.. have you thought about what we could've been?" Oh, what a risky question.

"Yeah, even back then, I always dreamed about an alternate universe where I wasn't so fucked up and actually tried something with you." Okay. You seem fine now, you seem on track. It wouldn't hurt to try again, right? Jaemin wanted to slap himself. Do he really want to risk it again?

"You could still.. try." The answer is yes.

You furrowed your brows, tilted your head a bit, "I don't think you deserve another heartbreak, specially from me, you know?" You chuckled, yet Jaemin was serious. This time, he's set to have you. He has to have you.

"I'll gladly let you break my heart again, y/n. Trust me, you'll only find yourself inside."

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.

Maybe Jaemin was setting himself up for another heartbreak, but this time he was certain. He was certain to give it his all-- everything he has to lose. You were worth every piece of his heart.

He kissed your lips like he held his entire life on it, like every moment were his last. Running your hands on his hair, you two blindly roamed around your apartment. Luckily, Jaemin still had the entire apartment sketched in his brain.

You felt his hands lower, lifting up your ass, signaling you to jump and cling onto him. You gladly did, and like a feather, he lifted you without any struggle. Lips still tangled together, Jaemin lowered you into the soft texture of your bed.

"I missed you so much," Jaemin groaned as he parted his lips from you. Seeing your face against the dimly lit room was majestic. Not long before he lowered his face onto your neck, giving it open mouth kisses that sent shivers down your spine.

Slowly, he tugged on your shirt upwards, lifted it and revealed your soft pink laced bra, covering your breast. Jaemin didn't waste time grabbed one of you breast, caressing it gently, just enough to bring you pleasure without discomfort.

"Hmm, I missed this," He groaned again.

You whined, being sensitive to every touch he gave you. His hands worked like magic, pulling down your bra and swiftly latching his mouth on your left nipple, while still caressing the other. "Ah, fuck.. baby." you moaned.

You can feel your core dripping already, desperate for any kind of friction. His expert hands left your boob, yet not leaving your skin, just lowering to the area you were sensitive the most. In a split second, your pants was undone and a cold breeze on your center gave you goosebumps all over. "So wet for me,"

"Yes.. yes, please, touch me." You begged for him. You needed him.

"You don't need to beg, princess." Just then, his middle finger applied pressure on your dripping core, igniting a spark that felt so good-- you couldn't help but buck your hips onto his hands.

He was gonna love you, and you were gonna love him. Tomorrow's uncertain, but today was sure. You were meant to be his, and he's meant to be yours.

Let your heart get what it wants. If you get hurt, then you have to endure. Jaemin endured the entire time and its your time to gamble.

While Jaemin was still devouring every inch of your skin, you took this chance to touch his clothed member- already rock hard, seeking freedom from the confinement of his pants. You traced it before gripping it through the fabric, making Jaemin hiss in pleasure.

"Take.. it off." Barely composing a sentence, Jaemin understood the assignment and pulled away, to undress himself. His top came off first, and just like a reflex, your hands quickly find his toned chest, down to his abs. You can't help but bite your lip, seeing his body again after so long. The only difference is, this time, he has a more mature build.

Tracing your hand down to his lower abdomen, and even much lower, and helped him undo his pants. As he disregarded all of his clothes, he didn't waste time and quickly lowered himself again to you. Kissing you with burning passion, he grind his hips onto yours, and you felt his hard length poking your thigh.

Using your hand, you grabbed it by the base, Jaemin reacting so sensitive made you excited. Your hands doing up and down motion, pointing finger tracing the slit on his pinkish tip.

"Fuck.. fuck baby, god." Jaemin couldn't help but groan deeply, urging you to move faster. Your movement all of a sudden halt, as Jaemin held your wrist, stopping you. "I'm gonna cum if you keep doing that." His dark voice whispered.

"Already?" You smirked at him.

"You underestimate your effect on me, baby." Truly, you were the only person who could melt Jaemin into a puddle if you wanted to.

His hand balancing himself on top of you, as the other held his cock, lining himself onto your entrance.

"Ah.. ah, shit," You moaned, caused by the stretch. A slight tinge of pain but quickly replaced by a wave of intense pleasure as he deeply plunges until you take all of him.

"So.. so fucking tight, oh fuck." Jaemin waited for your signal to keep moving. Which you did, by lifting your hips up to create any sort of movement. He swiftly pull out, just to go in again.

"I love you," Jaemin cried from pleasure, his tempo slowly gaining speed.

"I love you so much," you replied, grabbing his face to look at you as he fucks you with intense affection.

"Y/n, y/n.. I love you." He repeated like a mantra, going in and out repeatedly. You can feel your insides creating a bubble-- soon going to pop. He examines all of your features, "Cum for me." He murmured.

You nodded in response, biting your lip, yet not losing eye contact. A sudden wave of pleasure struck, and before you knew it, you're shaking under him. "I.. I love you."

"I'm cumming, shi..." You locked your legs on his waist, as he stilled so deep, reaching levels of your insides no one has ever reachex before. He cums, deep inside you and you felt his warm, thick ropes of cum paint your insides. His body collapses on top of you, heavy breathing surrounded the apartment.

Honestly, Jaemin didn't care if you hurt him again, Heck, break him again and again. Run away if you can, but he would make sure that he'll be here, always waiting for you. Break his heart for all he cares. You'll only find yourself there.

"Let's go, baby. They can't wait to meet you." Jaemin smiled at you softly, opening the car door before letting you in.

"I really get the feeling that they hate me." You nervously said, as Jaemin went around the car and sat at the driver seat.

"They actually did, back then. But now they're a lot less dumber." You laughed at him.

This was the first time Jaemin will introduce you to his friends. Even tho you knew that they already know you from the past, you wanted to introduce your new self. The self thats much better.

As you arrived at their shared apartment, you can already hear the noise behind the door. You looked at Jaemin with anticipation, as he opened the door.

"There she is! Hi, y/n!" Haechan, which you have encountered before, greeted you with a big smile. He was approaching with wide arms, which Jaemin quickly swats away.

"No." Jaemin simply says as he put his arms around you and dragged you further in the house.

There, you saw Jeno and Renjun playing Jenga. As soon as you sat down, the tower had fallen. Renjun frowning, Jeno with a big smile.

"Oh hi, y/n. Renjun just lost in Jenga, again." The cocky grin was present in Jeno's face.

"That doesn't count! We should play again, this time with y/n!"

You were quiet, but not because you were uncomfortable, but because you were slowly digesting everything. You felt so belonged with these people that its felt a bit weird, in a good way.

You smiled at them, looking back at Jaemin who's walking towards you with a drink in hand. "Thirsty, baby?" His smile was enchanting, and so, so gorgeous.

The time goes on and it all felt natural. It was the first time you saw Jaemin laugh that much, and it made you happier than ever. Then and there, you have concluded that you will never hurt this man again. This time, you'll try to make this work, because you knew he was the only one for you.

And even if the gods and the heaven above curse you for loving selfishly, you wouldn't care. Jaemin is the perfect man for you. And you can't let that smile fade again.

"What're you thinking?" Jaemin whispered, above all the noise from his friends.

"I love you."

And if you thought Jaemin's smile couldn't get any bigger, it did.

"I love you." He answered.

This time, you'll get your happy ending. You choose your happiness and Jaemin. Forever, you will choose Jaemin. Because you realize that after everything, even fiction itself, got nothing on this man.

-end-

A/N: I know it took so long to publish but again, I'm a bit busy! But how was it?? I hope you liked the first installation of my series, diary of the heart breakers! Thank you so much.

taglist: @cutiepeas @legbouk@hyuckissed @bockhyun @hibernatinghamster@shookyungsoo@sundamariis@sharkipoonis@ohmykwonsoonyoung@carelessshootanonymous

next part >> Inevitably Yours

#nct imagines #kpop imagines #nct x reader #kpop oneshots #nct #nct dream #kpop au #nct 127 #nct aus #na jaemin #jaemin smut #nct jaemin #nctzen #nct mark #nct drabbles #nct fluff #lee haechan #huang renjun #lee jeno

2K notes · View notes

haesunlover · 7 months

Text

long to be home. (chapter one)

pairing: huang renjun x female!reader

series genre: fluff, angst, suggestive, eventual smut

word count: 4.8k

chapter warnings: fluff, angst, slightly suggestive, talks of smoking, daddy issues, english dialogue is in italics, korean dialogue is normal, renjun is so hot it makes me sad, i want a renjun in my life, mentions of stealing cars, swearing.

a/n: ahh, i'm so sorry for taking so long to update! i've had this in my drafts for a while but i had a (very expensive) family emergency hence my long absence. but i'm back now and hopefully updating more often! please enjoy.

renjun had a concentrated look on his face as he fixed your cap and mask, "remember, my love. we need to be extremely discreet. no mask or hat removals unless absolutely necessary. at least until we reach the flight lounge."

you nodded your head, leg shaking up and down in the car as it pulls up to the airport drop off zone. the anxiety is really start to bubble up at this point. renjun can instantly tell and grabbed onto your hand that was in your lap, giving a quick squeeze for assurance.

the driver put the car into park and jumped out of the car to help unload yours and renjun's bags. the two of you exited the car, seeing that there was barely anyone around which instantly put half your mind at ease. renjun made his way from his side of the car towards you on the path, grabbing his bags. "you ready?" he asked.

you grabbed your bags as well, letting out a sigh. "as ready as i'll ever be."

the jets roared to life as the plane began to take off the incheon runway. the loving boyfriend renjun is, booked first class tickets for the two of you, so you could feel more relaxed about the upcoming few days. thankfully, the plane was a quiet one with only about ten other passengers on the 3am flight.

as the plane began to ascend, renjun turned to you in the daybed the two of you were sharing. "alright, let's go over the plan again. your friend picks us up, takes us to the hotel, we get checked in and then.." renjun trailed off, waiting for you to finish his sentence.

"we get dressed and go surprise my mum."

"wait, she doesn't know you're coming?" renjun asked surprised. "i thought everyone would know you're coming."

"i thought i'd be nice to surprise her! i haven't seen her in nearly two years." you said, pouty.

renjun laughed, throwing his head back. "what if she's not home?" he asked, still laughing.

you thought about it for a second, "then i'll just let myself in."

he kept laughing, just a lot softer this time. "baby, how are you supposed to let yourself in?"

you hold up your index finger to his lips over his mask, giving him an playful annoyed look. "it doesn't matter. we'll figure something out."

renjun nodded, grabbing your wrist and pulling it down onto the pillow where your heads were resting. "alright. and.. have you spoken to your father about coming?"

your face dropped at his question. "uh, no not yet. i'm honestly not sure if i want to see him." you mumbled, recalling the memories of your father in the last year of being in australia. as if watching your already broken family fall apart even more wasn't bad enough, your father turned into a man you didn't even recognise anymore. he turned from an emotionally unavailable father into a drunk, drugged up angry narcissist.

your boyfriend nodded, putting his arms under his head. he just stared, waiting for you to continue at your own pace. "i vowed never to see him again but.. at the same time i want closure? i absolutely resent him. i bet you, we could go to any place in australia and he would've ruined it for me somehow. he's done that much damage." you resumed.

a sigh left renjun's lips as his hand comes up to rub circles onto your waist. "i understand. have your siblings seen him since everything went down?" he asked.

"i don't think so." you replied.

"that's alright. you guys do what you have to do."

"ugh, i love how supportive you are. no matter what. i love you so much." you sighed, wrapping your arms around his head and neck, pulling him to your chest. he reciprocated the hug, nuzzling into your chest.

"is there anything i need to know about your family before i meet them? it'll be the first time. please give me a run down on them so i don't mess up. saying a quick hi on the phone is very different than actually meeting them." he mumbled into your top.

you pulled away, "oh baby, you might wanna sit up for this. it's a lot."

he sat up on the daybed, following your actions. "alright i'm ready."

"my mum, sooyoung, she is.. pretty much me. we have the same personalities. please don't go into shock about how we treat each other. it's just how we roll."

renjun nodded intently.

"my step dad, david, is australian. i've only met him once when they came to visit before me and you even met. he's super lovely. he treats mum well so that's all that matters. there is one problem though. he only speaks english."

your boyfriend ran his hands over his face, groaning. "shit, i'm not confident enough to have full conversations in english."

you leaned over, grabbing his hands away from his pretty face. "baby, trust me. you'll be fine. you speak english really well. if you get stuck, i'll be there to translate. or mum or my siblings." you assured him, giving the backs of his hands a quick kiss.

he let out a deep breath, nodding his head. "alright, tell me more about your siblings."

"well.. let me make it easy. think about pokemon. sunhi, my older sister, is the original, boring one. jae, my younger brother, is the next evolved one. kinda boring but also kinda fun. then i'm the most evolved because i think i'm the best sibling." you explained, hoping not to sound too crazy.

renjun stared at you confused, his mouth slightly agape. you mumbled a quick, 'what?' due to your confusion from his reaction. "did you really compare you and your siblings to pokemon?"

you nodded your head excitedly, "yeah! trust me, it'll make sense once you meet them. they will definitely torment you for the first few hours so just brace yourself for it. they would just want to approve of you. i also have two stepsisters but i've never met them personally. all i know is that they like dolls and kpop."

your boyfriend sighed, eyes flicking around the place as he mumbles to himself, trying to absorb all of the info. "okay, i think i got it. i just hope they like me." he pouted, feeling a bit nervous himself.

"oh my baby, come here." you said, pulling him into a quick hug. "you'll be fine."

"they know i'm an idol, right?"

"uhm.."

"right?"

after clearing customs and baggage claim, you and renjun walk into the waiting area of the international arrivals lounge at the airport. the sun was starting to set as the time was around 5pm. the lounge was packed and loud with people sitting and standing all over the place.

"shit." you whisper under your breath, the mask helping to muffle the sound. "can you see lia?" you asked, pushing the trolley away from the main door to try and have a better look for her. all of a sudden, you hear a squeal and see a bright green poster wave in the air.

"found her." renjun laughed, walking towards the sign. finally lia emerged from the sea of people with a bright smile on her face. she comes running to you, to which you embrace her in a big hug. her giggles vibrate on your chest before the two of you pulled away.

"hi guys! welcome to australia." she exclaimed excitedly, showing off the sign. you and renjun inspected it before you gasped and quickly snatched it out of her hands. renjun tried to grab it off you, wanting to have another look.

"please, i wanna see the photos!" renjun argued playfully before you finally gave up and let him look at the sign again. glued onto the sign was big, bold letters reading 'welcome home' along with photos of you and lia from the two of you were in high school, many years ago.

"lia.. you are off to a bad start." you sighed with your face turning extremely red.

"y/n, you were so cute with your little glasses and high ponytail!" renjun cooed, rolling the poster up and putting it with your luggage. "hi lia, i'm renjun. it's so lovely to finally meet you in person." he formally introduced, holding his hand out for lia to shake.

"oh renjun, as long as you treat y/n well then there is no need for formalities." she smiled, pushing his hand away and pulling him into a hug instead. renjun sighed and hugged her back, happy that he's already got the approval of someone important. "besides, you've heard so many of mine and y/n's in depth and gross stories over the phone that i think it'll be weird for you to be so formal."

renjun pulled back from the hug, nodding his head with an embarrassed look plastered on his face, "yeah, i think you're probably right about that."

"should we get this show on the road?" lia asked, waving her car keys.

"oh shit. renjun, did we pack any helmets? we'll need them with her driving." you groaned.

"hey!"

after getting checked in and ready at the hotel, the three of you piled into the car and began your adventure to your mum's house. music hummed softly in the background as stared at the streets passing by.

"are you ready to meet them, renjun?" lia asked, peering at your boyfriend through the rearview mirror. you looked over your shoulder for renjun's response.

he let out a shaky breath, nodding his head slowly. "i think so. it's my first real relationship so i've never had to meet anyone's parents before."

you reached your hand back, placing it onto his knee and giving it a gentle caress. "you'll be fine, baby. just be yourself."

he smiled gratefully, placing his hand on top of yours. "do i look okay? first impressions are vital."

you scanned over his outfit quickly, taking in the black trousers and green blouse unbuttoned slightly. "you look amazing in anything, renjun. it makes me so envious." you sighed, turning back around to face the front. "do i look okay?"

lia shakes her head, laughing at herself. "you look like shit."

you quickly punched her arm, "shut up."

she squeals at the sudden attack, still laughing. "i'm kidding dude. you look cute." you glance down at yourself, hoping the blue, floral wrap dress was appropriate enough for the upcoming reunion.

"i hope so."

"why are you so nervous?" lia asked, finally starting to calm down.

"it's just so weird to be back. what if it's awkward? i left everything behind. besides being anxious about that, i feel like i've gone back to when i lived here and i'm the helpless teen girl who had no idea how to deal with any of her shit." you sighed, throwing your head back into the seat.

lia hummed, understanding your point. "it makes sense. i can't exactly comment about how you're feeling, well, because it's your feelings. but your family won't be awkward around you, i promise you. you didn't leave them behind, you left to move forward in your life. they know that. but you also gotta remember the good stuff too."

you let out a flabbergasted laugh, "what good stuff? my head is clouded with all the shitty stuff."

"remember how we used to steal your sister's car? all the late night maccas runs we had? the adventures we'd have when you needed to get away? all the times we'd go to the beach after school instead of studying?" she asked.

"you stole your sister's car?" renjun exclaimed, leaning forward in between yours and lia's seats.

you nodded, reminiscing the times. "you'd understand why we'd steal her car when you see it." the roads became more familiar and soon enough, the street you grew up came into view.

"you ready, y/n?" lia asked, turning down the street. you hummed, nodding once more with your best friend parking on the driveway.

"ready as i'll ever be." you sighed, getting out of the car.

the white two-storey house stood in front of you. everything was still the same. the trees surrounding the front of the house, the doormat, garden gnomes from your childhood tucked into the maintained gardens, the single frangipani tree leading the way to the back of the house.

everything was still the same except now when you look at the house you once loved and called home, an uncomfortable feeling sat in your chest.

[flashback to 2018]

"i'm not fucking doing this." you mumbled, grabbing the clothes inside the wardrobe and throwing them roughly into the suitcase laid out on the bedroom floor.

"y/n.. what are you doing?" jae peeked into the room, concerned plastered all over his face. your older sister, sunhi, standing behind him with a knowing look.

you laughed tiredly, "i'm leaving. i'm not staying one moment more. they're arguing again. i can't stand it any longer."

sunhi lightly nudged jae out of the way, moving towards your shaking figure. mascara stained your cheeks from all the tears that couldn't seem to stop. your breath began to go the same speed as your racing heart.

hyperventilating, sunhi grabbed onto your arms gently and led you to your bed. "slow down. breathe." she instructed, sitting next to you and holding you close.

after several moments, your breath finally slowed down. you looked to your older sister, silently asking her for help. "i.."

"you're leaving for good? it's about time." she finished your sentence, knowing her sister intuition would be right.

you nodded, defeated. "i can't be here anymore. i can't stand being in this house much longer. i can't stand being near that asshole. i need to leave. "

the screaming finally stopped down stairs. it was silent for moments before the sound of the front door slammed, echoing through the house. the three of you sat on your bed, watching your father from the floor length windows. he kicked his car's tire and yelling out a profanity at the top of his lung before finally getting into his car and speeding off.

"mumma?" jae jumped off the bed and left the room momentarily. he called out, leaning over the stairs. "you here?"

a quiet exchange happened on the stairs between jae and your mother. soon enough, they both came into view with jae's arms holding onto her. the colour drained from her face, seeing the scene of her daughters huddled together and a suitcase not too far away.

"you're leaving?" she asked, tears in her eyes. her eyes were already puffy, clearly emotional from the previous argument.

your eyes softened at the sight of her. "mum, i can't stay around him any longer. he treats us like absolute shit. i can't believe you only just realised what a fucking awful person he is. we've all been telling you for years."

she shook her head making her way to the bed. she sat next to you and pulled jae, her big baby, to sit upon her lap. "i know. he's gone for good. i promise."

a wave of emotions hit you. happiness, grief, anger, relief.. you fall back onto the mattress, all of your pent up feelings coming out in the form of loud, violent sobs. soon after, the other three joined laying down on the mattress, forming a cuddle pile with sniffles and cries coming from everyone.

minutes passed until the crying finally slowed down. sunhi cleared her throat, making everyone give her all the attention. "i think y/n should still go."

you shot up into a sitting position, staring at your sister as if she had grown another head. "he's gone so why would i need to leave now?"

everyone followed, sitting up as well. "y/n.. you have so much potential. you need to go, spread your wings. you can't be stuck here all your life. your passion and energy is so much bigger than anything you'll find here. go." sunhi continued sadly, giving a soft smile.

your eyes faltered from her face, down to your lap. you looked down in shame for even considering leaving after the past month that had just happened. the last month, filled with arguments, threats and tears which tore your family apart. "i can't go."

"why not?" your mum asked, shaking her head in confusion.

"mumma, he's gone now. i don't need to leave. i don't want to leave you alone."

she sighed, cupping your face. "my baby, you need to go. i won't be alone. i'm fine. my strength is you guys. your happiness is my happiness. you've been talking about going to korea for ages. so go there. find yourself. if it doesn't work out, then come home. we've always got a place for you. but i know it'll work it so please just go. for me.."

you looked into her eyes, tears brimming them once more. you had to do it, not only for yourself but for her too.

a hand brushed against your back, snapping out of your daze. "you okay?" renjun asked quietly as you turned to look at him.

you flashed him a tight lipped smile, nodding your head. "yeah, i was just thinking."

"be excited. you get to see your family for the first time in years!" lia gushed, coming on the other side of you. you couldn't help but smile at your best friend's optimism.

nodding your head and taking a deep breath, "let's go."

the three of you moved towards the front door with you opening at softly as possible. as you ventured into the house, you spot your mother hunched over in the kitchen with her back turned to you. a smile crept onto your face as the aroma of vanilla and butterscotch wafted through hall.

seeing her made all thoughts of worry and anxiousness fade away. finally reaching the kitchen, you placed your chin onto your mum's shoulder. "smells good, mumma." you smiled.

her head snaps to look at you with shock written all over her face. she screamed, dropping the mixing spoon into the bowl causing a loud clatter. she throws her arms around your neck, jumping up and down excitedly. "my baby!" she exclaimed still jumping.

by the time the two of you parted, tears filled both of your eyes. "what are you doing here?" she asked, cupping your face and scanning over your face. "goodness, you've grown so much."

a laugh fell from your lips, "mum, it's been two years. i haven't changed that much. i'm here to see you guys. we had a break and thought it was time to come home."

"we?" she asked, tilting her head in confusion. your mum looks over your shoulder to see renjun. a gasp fell from her lips as she rushes over to greet your boyfriend properly for the first time. renjun bowed down respectfully, staying like that for a few seconds.

your mother grabs his elbows, making him stand back up before embracing him tightly into a motherly hug. you wiped away a stray tear that sneakily fell out. your heart fluttered at the sight of two of the most important people to you together.

the two exchanged quiet words that you couldn't quite hear but that didn't matter as you saw jae descend from the stairs, "y/n?" he asked confused.

he came into the kitchen, trying to process the fact that you are standing in the same room as him for the first time in years. you stared at him in shock. he finally grew into his face and body. the cute little boy you grew up with was now a tall, handsome man. the curls that he used to try and gel down as a kid now fell nicely around his head. tattoos lined over one of his arms and he clearly found his style.

"jae? holy shit, you've grown up so well!" you exclaimed, pulling him into the biggest hug you could give. he reciprocated but with a hint of a hesitancy. he pulled back after a few seconds, still somewhat puzzled.

your little brother finally said something, "what the fuck are you doing here?"

everyone in the room, including yourself, laughed at his lack of a verbal filter. "i'm here to see you guys and also i need inspiration to keep writing my show."

he nodded his head, staring at you this time with happiness. he was never one to verbalise his love for anyone but his looks meant more than words. jae turned over to look at renjun who still stood with your mother with an arm wrapped around each other.

renjun's eyes widened and smile dropped as jae made his way towards him. the size difference between the two made you chuckled. your boyfriend stood up straight, trying to look the slightly bit bigger than he is but still jae towered over him.

jae scanned renjun up and down as if he was analysing him. your brother maintained a stoic face for a few more seconds before asking, "do you treat her well?" to which you boyfriend nodded straight away. "do you promise to keep taking care of her now and in your future?" and renjun nodded once more.

"i promise you. she means the world to me." renjun said with confidence now, a big smile on his face.

jae nodded his head, smiling at bit before extending his hand for renjun to shake. "then welcome to the family."

as the two exchanged greetings, the sliding door connecting the kitchen and patio opened. in came sunhi, david and two little girls covered in sweat and dirt.

"holy fuck, i'm sweating my tits off out there." sunhi sighed as she kicked off her shoes. she takes off her cap and throws it onto the table, smiling as she looks around at everyone.

her eyes finally fall on you and her smile drops. it takes her a few seconds to properly register before she jumps into your arms. "geez sunhi, we're not little kids anymore. it's not easy to carry each other anymore." you wheezed as she clings all her limbs around you.

"suck it up." she whispered, holding on tighter.

"i missed you so much." you sighed, closing your eyes as you enjoy the feeling of being able to hold your older sister again.

after a few minutes, she finally lets go and stands for herself again. sunhi stares happily for a few seconds before patting your cheeks gently. "welcome home, little sis."

your stepfather, david, came over and gave a quick hug before gesturing to the girls next to you. "welcome back, y/n. this are my twin daughters, jade and mila."

you smiled, hugging each of the girls. "hi girls. i'm y/n. i'm sooyoung's daughter. it's lovely to finally meet you."

both of the girls smiled shyly before mila nudged jade. "is that your boyfriend over there?" jade asked quietly as she pointed back to renjun.

"yes, it is." you smiled proudly. "would you like to meet him?"

the two girls nodded their heads as they moved to either side of you. as the three of you started to walk the short distance to renjun, mila spoke up. "he looks like a member from nct."

you brought your hand up to cover your mouth as both you and your boyfriend laughed in sync. renjun held back the rest of his laugh with an amused smile as he waved. "hi girls. it's so nice to meet you. i'm renjun. from nct."

jade and mila's jaws dropped, looking between you and renjun. "what the fu-"

"mila!"

"what the fudge?" the ten year old tried to cover her slip up. "are you really him? so that means you know mark lee?"

your boyfriend nodded, laughing. "he's my best friend."

"he's actually going to be here in a few days. so will all the members of nct dream." you said before turning to your mum and siblings to continue, "mark, one of the members, is rina's boyfriend. she's coming too."

sunhi clapped her hands in excitement, "no way! i haven't seen rina in years. i fucking miss her so much."

rina was practically apart of the furniture when she lived in australia. on school mornings, she was there before you even woke up and was with you until it was time for her to return back to her house. even on days when you weren't home, rina still made sure to come see your family.

"i'll need to make a lot more food. when are they coming? we'll have a party! to celebrate you coming back home and to welcome the newcomers to our family." your mother gushed excitedly.

"they'll be here in two days." lia said, coming into the kitchen.

jae shook his head in confusion, "where did you come from?"

"oh, i was filming the little reunion." she smiled, waving her phone. "hi everyone, i'm here too."

nobody was really surprised as she was there often to check up on your family for you. "we'll have a barbie. i'll go to the shops tomorrow." your mother started rambling as she walked to the whiteboard on the fridge and jotting down what she wants to make.

"alright, mumma. let me know what time tomorrow and i'll go with you. in the meantime, i'm gonna go show renjun around." you excused the two of you, sliding your hand into renjun's.

the two of you made your way to the front of house, back to the front door. you go through the hall, showing all the rooms he'd need to know. "my room was upstairs. should we go have a look?"

renjun let out a hum in affirmation, following you up the stairs. "baby, your house is huge."

"i know right. it felt like a mansion when i was little. my room was just up here." you smiled as you turned right at the stairs. you halted, seeing the wooden letters you painted and stuck on the door when you were seven. you pushed down the handle, opening the door.

everything was the same. the bedsheets, the posters and photos on the wall, the desk and piano, the reading nook. everything.

you stood still, eyebrows furrowed together. "they left everything the same. from the day i left. i thought they at least would've changed it into a storage room or something else." you muttered as you entered the room.

renjun walked closer the photo wall, inspecting each photo. "is that you, lia and rina?" he asked, smiling brightly and pointing to a photobooth strip taken while ditching school one day. you walked closer to him, leaning your head on his shoulder. you hummed softly, reminiscing the memory. "you guys look so different now."

you laughed, looking at him. "years of braces, accutane and dancing does that to you. gosh, lia still has her baby face. i'm so envious. she doesn't age." you mutter as you inspected the photo closer.

"thank you." lia said, coming right next to you out of nowhere. both you and renjun jumped and stared at her in silence. she flashed an awkward smile, scratching the back of her neck. "did i interrupt something?"

renjun analysed her for a few seconds longer before saying, "now that i've actually met her in person, she reminds me of jisung. those two would get along great."

your head shot towards your boyfriend with wide eyes, "right?! i've been saying that to rina since i met jisung! they'd be a great couple."

"and that's my cue to go. i don't need a partner." she said, grabbing her keys out of her pocket. "sunhi said she'll take you guys back to the hotel later. i need to get back home. i've got an assignment due tonight. we'll talk later." lia gave a hug to each of you two but lingered for a bit longer while holding you.

"thank you so much for today, lia. message me when you get home safely. we'll plan something for tomorrow." you smiled, staring at her lovingly while cupping her face.

she nodded and grabbed your hand, swinging it for a few seconds before leaving the room.

a sigh fell from your lips. "it's so weird to be back. i wonder.." you mumbled, opening the wardrobe and grabbing down a box filled memento from your childhood. digging around, you felt the small carton of the box you were looking for. you quickly pulled it out with a smirk plastered on your face, turning around to show renjun.

"cigarettes?" he asked, shocked.

you laughed, nodding your head. "rina and i would have a cheeky ciggy some nights."

"i didn't know you smoked."

you cocked your head, "there's a lot of things you don't know about me."

he squinted his eyes, looking you up and down. "i don't know whether to be scared or turned on. or both?"

a loud laugh fell from your lips at the same time a knock came on your bedroom. "come in!"

the door handle pushed down and in came a familiar face you didn't expect to see, especially not today.

#nct imagines #nct smut #nct dream reactions #nct dream smut #nct dream imagines #nct dream x reader #renjun smut #renjun imagine #huang renjun imagine #huang renjun smut #park jisung imagine #jisung imagine #chenle imagine #jeno imagine #jaemin imagine #mark imagine #nct 00 line smut #haechan imagine

76 notes · View notes

mins-fins · 4 months

Text

two slow dancers.

&&. watching you paint has become a state of relaxation for renjun, you realize how much more vocal he is about his love for you than you thought.

pairing: huang renjun x m!reader

genre: fluffy like clouds, gay preple 😢

warnings: none!

word count: 0.8k

notes: renjun 🙁…….renjun 😖……..renjun 😢….. my wife i love him sm 💔 um anyway so last night i had a DREAM about renjun and i realized how good of a plot it ended up being despite how jumbled up it was 😞 i remember all of the good parts and that's what matters! um anyways take this writing from the corners of my mind

this was published so xiao dejun doesn't murder user @junjiie 😊

"shouldn't they be flying then?"

"well they don't actually have to flying, the wings are there for symbolism".

renjun eyes somehow un-blur themselves, and he stares for a long time trying to figure out what you mean by symbolism. now— renjun's not an idiot (he's actually very smart if he does say so himself!), it usually takes him a good few minutes to get what your talking about when your referring to symbolism, but in five minutes he ends up getting it.

he enjoys watching you paint, just watching the whole process intrigues him. before this, before you, renjun wasn't necessarily a fan of art museums, but ever since you've come into his life, with your stupid puns and your paintings full of symbolism, your shared apartment has pretty much become an art museum in itself.

the creativity you harbor shows no bounds, you paint practically everything of interest to you, thoughts you had at three in the morning with a long lecture ahead of you in a few hours, things you'd seen outside that were just too out of this world to not remember, or your reminiscing about moments in your life that will only happen once.

renjun thinks your mind must be the most interesting place in the world, your just thinking all the time, brainstorming. even when you aren't physically painting, your drawing up ideas in your head of what to put on your canvas.

and somehow, all of them just connect to you, all your paintings just contain something special that scream you, renjun can't fathom how you do it.

sometimes he describes it as a "superpower" you have, and you always manage to laugh at the wording of his sentence when he says so.

renjun just has this way of describing things, you have to give him credit on how incredible he is.

"the wings aren't meant to be taken literally.." you mutter, finishing up the final touches for your painting, somehow, you seem to still be full of energy, despite the fact that you've currently been up for a good 17 hours (renjun counted for you), and haven't touched your bed once today since you crawled out of it first thing in the morning. "they represent purity, innocence, it's truly associated with white birds so—"

you pause in the middle of your sentence, worried that your boring your boyfriend, but when you glance over at renjun, his full attention is on you, he's completely focused on what your talking about. "and? continue!"

his interest surprises you, most people you know roll their eyes when you begin explaining the meanings of your paintings. you don't mean to annoy anyone, so you've become accustomed to giving short and easy answers when people ask about the meanings behind your paintings, you often feel like your doing too much if you give such a long and thorough explanation.

renjun doesn't care though, everything you say is of importance to him. he isn't looking around the room, he isn't zoning out, he isn't focusing on a random part of the couch and zooming in on it, his attention is all on you.

he cares about what your saying.

you snap out of your mind, though glad about the whole revelation you just made, you forgot you were in the middle of a sentence. "that's why i chose them, this painting is meant to represent childhood innocence, and white birds, innocence".

you almost feel like you sound stupid in a way, but as renjun glances back at the painting, the one he'd sat and watched as you created with your own two hands for the past two and a half hours, he smiles, his eyes light up.

admiration is the obvious answer, you know the look because you can't count how many times you stared at renjun with the same exact stare. he laughs at a thought he has, and then turns to you, completely unaware of how you were looking at him so lovingly. "it's beautiful, i love it" he tells you, staring at you the same way he admired the painting beforehand.

you can't stop the way your face heats up, and your sure renjun can tell how red you are. if he can he doesn't say anything about it, just smiles at you, and you swear your face is practically burning at this point, it's a little funny to you that your getting so flustered over words your literal boyfriend is saying, you assumed after the two of you started dating you'd be less like this.

but no, renjun just has this power over you, you'll always be flustered by his compliments no matter how much you try to resist his crazy charm.

somehow, after minutes of getting flustered over a compliment and pretty chinese man's smile, you find your voice. "thank you".

renjun snickers, noticing the flush on your cheeks.

"your so cute".

"i don't think you should be talking".

renjun smiles.

he loves you, loves you so much.

#huang renjun #nct #nct dream #renjun nct #nct imagines #nct drabbles #nct scenarios #nct dream imagines #nct dream drabbles #nct dream scenarios #huang renjun imagine #huang renjun x reader #nct x reader #nct dream x reader #huang renjun x male reader #𑁍 ࣪˖ 𓂃 isa's works!

51 notes · View notes

technologyculturedneo · 1 year

Text

I Never Meant To Leave You Hurting.

Donghyuck ft Renjun

“Do you still love me? Because I never meant to leave you hurting, you need to know that.”

PAIRING(S). Ex-boyfriend!Haechan X Reader X Boyfriend!Renjun

SUMMARY. Once again, you get stopped by some boys looking for a street interview and your opinions on love. In the interview, flashbacks of your chaotic relationship with your ex-boyfriend Donghyuck hits your mind with memories. Doubts and thoughts circle your mind as you think about your current relationship with your new boyfriend Renjun and if you moved on too fast- and if you should’ve forgiven Donghyuck and given him a second chance.

You're sure there are stars in your eyes when looking up into Donghyuck's longing eyes. You want to feel as though you've got your emotions under check and that your heart is not pining for him- yet the depth of your eyes reveal your hearts longing for the being in front of you. You remember a time when you would always feel flattered, gushed over him and feel so much love radiating out of him. However now, you don't know how to feel. You're scared for certain. But you aren't scared of him, you're scared of your feelings towards him. Why is it, that those bitter sweet memories of your past together are lightening up? Why is it, that he's holding your hand right now and you don't feel hatred or disgust, but instead the pits of your stomach are mushing up by how warm he's making you feel? Why is it, that his hands that are playing with yours makes you feel warm? Why is it, that your ex boyfriend Lee Donghyuck is sitting right in front of you and you're not hating him?

You're looking at him anxiously, afraid of your feelings towards him.

It was never supposed to be like this, you were never supposed to be trapped in a coffee shop with him, or even in this type of predicament, especially after years. You told yourself that you’d never allow him in your life again, never again, yet you find yourself seated opposite him with his cold hands wrapped securely around yours...the way they used to. Reminding you that he's going to protect you, no matter what.

"Can we go back to us? I want us, to be an us again."

You feel your throat tighten by his sudden confession. “Dongh-”

"I love you."

Your heart feels vulnerable with him, you feel like you can even give up your soul. With the way his eyes fondly move between your eyes dropping to your lips. You’d always crawl back to him- and you didn’t want that...or at least you think that you don't. “Donghyuck, please don’t...”

“I failed you,” He acknowledges, keeping your hands in his, even as you lightly tug away. "I really failed you," His head drops to your hands in his. There used to be a time when your hands in his was the only validation you needed to feel loved, remembering how secured you used to feel in his hands breaks him.

How much you trusted him with your heart and even your life- is unlimited. You loved him, you were ready to even die in his hands all in the name of never letting him go and helping him.

He takes a breath, his eyes roaming around your insecure fragile face, looking into you...into your eyes that hold him on a high pedestal. He allows himself to take advantage of the fact that he’s got you all for himself. “I miss you. I know, it’s not what you want to hear, but I really do. I know you’re gone and I get that you don’t want to see me ever again, but I still have so much love that’s remained for you,”

He softly calls your name, lifting up your hands to his face as he places his lips on them. A soft kiss from his lips makes your heart skip beats.

“I need to hear, hear that you want me back. I wanna feel that you still... that you still want me. Everyone talks about you, about what a fool I was that I lost you, and now I can see that. I see it clearly and I miss you,”

Your eyes latch down to your hands and you shakily breathe out. You've always asked yourself, if Donghyuck ever stood in front of you and asked for your forgiveness, would you forgive him?

You'd immediately answer, no and never. Because you were convinced in your soul that he would never be the type of guy to come back to you. He always said that you would be the one to crawl back to him.

And just like the past, you’ve fallen for the way he calls your name and sweeps your feet with meaningless sweet nothings. And you want to crawl back to him. Especially when you look into his eyes and see that he's changed.

15 minutes ago...

"Hi, can I stop you for a moment? We just want to talk to you about some things, if you don’t mind?"

You look away from your phone to a young man blocking your path with a phone in his hand- positioned as if it's a mic. "I'm actually busy, sorry,"

"We won't take much of your time," The guy insists. "We just want to talk to you about some stuff and ask you some questions for a survey we're doing."

Geez. It’s those wannabe youtubers again. But why, why is it that you’re always a target for these young YouTubers who casually stop people on the street? Either way you try not to show disinterest as you see that he has another young guy by his side following him with a camera- not camera phone but real camera with a hairy looking ball underneath it, that probably is for the camera to block out sound.

"Yeah?" You lower your phone a giving them your attention, hoping that the faster this goes, the faster you can get back home. Giving the person your attention you quickly notice how his cautious face becomes more lively.

He looks immediately pleased and takes a quick moment to relax before clearing his throat. He must've tried stopping multiple of people which most likely declined or ignored him. You can't blame them- nowadays YouTubers seem to want to do impossible challenges- or TikTok current trends. And for some unknown reason, whether it’s because you look approachable or maybe because you don’t look like you’re in a rush- you always seem to be caught by them.

The previous weak, there was a guy called Mark who interviewed you for about 5 minutes and wanted to get your views on cheating. It wasn’t an easy topic, but you managed to pull through. Some days ago, a guy called Jaemin, a street photographer stopped you just so that he could ask about your street fashion. You didn’t wear anything out of the world class famous styles, but he somehow saw it fit to interview you. He even took photos of you. Regardless, you’re always a target. Even when you were in a park, another guy with a dashingly beautiful furred dog sat next to you and just asked advice from you. His name was Jeno and he wanted to know if he should return to his ex.

It was a tough topic, but you ended up giving him the universal advice of 'follow your heart and not your mind'.

Perhaps you should cut down on your evening strokes along the streets and actually wait for your boyfriend at home, it's not safe out there. Or maybe you should just decline these street interview questions. Simple and done. But you don't have the balls to walk away or actually say no to strangers who look really happy to have finally caught someone they can talk to.

"Let's just move over not to disturb people," He says while motioning to a less busy sidewalk on the other side.

"Cool,"

Moving over with them to a spacious side walk you notice, as anticipated, the guy with a phone as a mic brings out a little notepad and reads over it before hiding it behind his pocket again. "It's a pleasure to have you accept our little invitation. My name's Chenle and the guy behind the camera is my best friend Jisung, may we kindly get your name?"

You tell him your name feeling a little secure.

He smiles a mischievous smile causing you to laugh a little. "Nice to meet you. We're college students majoring in journalism and we just go around talking to people about different topics, would you be interested in answering some of our questions?"

You put your phone away in your back nodding your head. "Sure. That's actually a great degree. I have a degree in journaling and wouldn't mind helping you guys out. It's a tough world to enter in and we've all gotta help each other out with connections,"

“Really? That's cool," The guy behind the camera, Jisung expresses looking away from the camera acknowledging you. He’s got those reflective faces, where all his emotions are on full display. "We'll get your contact details after this if you wouldn't mind?"

"That would depend on how good your questions are," You tease making both the guys smirk out confidently.

"Alright lets get into it," Chenle nods his head placing his phone close to his mouth. You shift in closer paying attention to him. "Alright, so when I saw you walking, I immediately had a topic. Say it's cliché or whatever, but I feel like our generation specifically our youth now has problems with maintaining relationships because we lack the knowledge of love and what it should be. We have high expectations that it actually clouds out our vision of what it should be. Do you agree?"

"You got that topic when looking at me?" You chuckle lightly before puckering your lips together turning your eyes into his relaxed yet stern gaze. "That's an interesting observation you have there. I mean, love is love, so I agree."

"Yeah," he nods his head. "Love is love. Care to go deeper?"

'I think I love you.' He slowly caresses your back looking into your eyes.

"Deeper?" You chuckle blinking yourself out of the hazy memory that you want to forget. A voice you try to ignore. "Okay. Like, I believe that it's a deep topic and we can get misguided by various of sources of what it should be like, you know." As soon as you say that, as soon as those words leave your lips, you trigger a feeling so deep within that you stop talking for a bit.

Familiar eyes stare back at you and you remember being in the happiest of moments. Those familiar eyes in your head came back to haunt you. Laying in bed, bare and nude, holding onto to each other.

Your lips quirk up causing you to lean closer into his touch. 'Donghyuck I love you,'

'You're dick drunk and misguided,' He nods his head smiling. 'Sex isn't love.'

'No Dongy, love is love, it can also be sex,' You hum out when his lips, warm, take in your neck, you shift aside to give him more access while he dives in and places hungry kisses marks. 'Just like that,'

While nibbling and planting kisses, he mummers on your neck. 'Love is love? You're so fucked right now, it's why you're confusing the two,'

'Love. So what is love Donghyuck? And aren't you making love to me right now?'

'We're having sex. But I'm happy being inside of you,' he says his lips beginning to travel lower and lower again. 'I don't mind calling it love, or sex.'

"Love." You blink twice trying to get the feeling of his warm lips off your neck and his eyes- gazing eyes upon your features tenderly. You thought you knew what it was when you were with him, but now upon being asked, you have no answer.

What it love? Could it really just be sex or something deeper? Or maybe we’ve over analyzed it and put it on such a high pedestal. I mean Renjun has said it's an overly dramatic word to express desire.

"All I can say, is that, it's something we all want, need and probably obsess over. It's mystical, almost paranormal. But it’s sweet. It's something beautiful," You bite your lip a little as Renjun's lips tugging upwards comes to your mind.

Renjun draws closer to you with his hands gently moving over your shoulder. Coming closer to your defeated position on the floor, your eyes only look at his smile.

'It hurts now, but you'll heal sooner then later,'

Your eyes don't leave his gentle smile, even when his body encloses you in a warm hug, your thoughts think of his smile. The smile he has reminds you so much of how Donghyuck used to feel. 'I love him Renjun,'

'Love. Overly used and dramatic just to express desire. I don't know what it is, but I do know it isn't supposed to be abusive. He used you and sucked you of all you could be,'

Renjun whispers as you fully burry yourself in his embrace crying out when the tears well up in your eyes.

'It's okay. He's gone. He won't hurt you anymore.'

Right now, you can only think of Renjun's smile instead of Donghyuck, because it was the first time that Renjun smiled at you. Smiled at you for standing your ground and breaking up with Donghyuck.

He’s the same person to have witnessed your rollercoaster of emotions in your relationship with Donghyuck. From the beginning when you and Donghyuck hit it off, when you were all smiles, even when you had misunderstandings- he was there. He became a middleman when things started getting rocky between Donghyuck and you too. He was there when Donghyuck aimlessly became angry and would not see clearly, constantly fighting with you and even hurting you with pleasure.

Renjun was truly your only silver lining in a love that you thought was real. He helped you out of the cave Donghyuck forced you into and led you out to a bright place where love is supposed to be a mystery.

Chenle nods his head thoughtfully. "So you already had expectations of what it should be like?"

You must’ve been quiet for some time because when you look up Chenle has a smug look on his face. "You sound like you're dreaming,"

Clearing your throat, you shrug your shoulders with a little smile. "I mean, love is love. As a child I always thought that it's something so great. But I don’t know, expectations were higher, only to be crushed and told that it’s a strange and mysterious experience that only some can feel,”

"Yeah," You slightly grin recalling your parents and what they're love was like. "My parents were the ones who evoked those expectations. Of course they'd argue here and there and they'd make up- but their love always looked like something so sacred and untouched- it was mysterious and I wanted to experience that as well,"

"That's deep," Chenle nods his head. "Have you experienced it yet?”

“That’s something I think about everyday,” You chuckle. “But I like to think that I have. It’s not like my parents, but it’s really sweet,” Constant laughter with Renjun, solace moments being in his embrace and the security that after every argument you’d still come back into his arms with so much more love.

“Alright,” Chenle smiles peeking curiously at the camera. “Actually, now that you bring that up. Would you say that our parents and the older generation know more about the secrets of love, or maybe, do you think they were faking it all and keeping it under the wraps for the sake of staying in toxic relationships? Because you know, right now our laws are more open with all types of relationships. Couples can get a divorce, they no longer can stay for the sake of kids or family or whatever. They have choices now,"

“Wow you’re going that far and bringing the law? Okay," You nod your head smiling a little. "Uh the classical battle of old and young. I believe our generation has no peace or patience. That's just my cup of tea. I'd say that the older generation had more patience and wisdom. Say perhaps they were in an abusive relationship-" The image of Donghyuck blacking out and unleashing his anger out on you, only to stop midway and hastily apologize. "They had no where else to go and stuck it out. The more they stayed together they were able to resolve the matter and know each other's personality and how they'd react to certain things. I always keep in mind that in a relationship I'm living with someone else who has been raised differently, I'm living with someone else's child and they have traits that I like and others that I don't. And it's not like I want to romanticize staying if a relationship is toxic- and I don't like to encourage staying if it requires you to believe that you can change the person, no. I just like to keep in mind that theirs room for growth. And if I really take my time and not be quick to anger or judgement then I can stay regardless of the current circumstance. Older generation all the way,"

"I love how soft spoken you are," Chenle compliments with a charming smile. He begins reciting what I said in a mimicking sweet voice making me flustered. But as he speaks, a daunting voice echo’s in my head.

'Is there a reason you're mad with me?'

Donghyuck stays silent causing you to worry.

'Babe what's wrong? What did I do this time?'

He scoffs. 'Having an opinion.' Even with his eyes on the road you notice he rolls his eyes disapprovingly of what you did when you were with his friends.

'Why're you being so fussy? Everyone was having a good time and no one else was talking.'

'Geez Y/n.' He grunts irritatedly. 'Honestly speaking, do you need to have an opinion about everything? I don't care if everyone was having a good time, I wasn't. And it's all because of your voice. When we're home, I hear you you you, when we're out I hear you you you, do you not get tired of talking? Of hearing your voice? Fuck.'

You're taken aback by his burst of anger and turn to look out your window. 'Are you saying I should be quiet?'

'That would be great. Just shut up already.' That doesn't stop him from talking. 'Your voice can be pretty annoying you know.' Donghyuck complains turning into our street. 'I'd prefer you to speak less when in public, or just shut up all together. I'm tired of hearing your voice. You sound annoying as hell.’

"You're really intuitive," Chenle agrees suddenly and you snap your attention back to him. "Your words were food for thought and even debatable, like when you said this generation has no patience, I felt that. I thought of my mother too. If I can just say, my parents fought like crazy as if there was no tomorrow. Still they stayed together for our sake and now I can actually see that they get along like a working machine. My mum knows all the buttons to push and when to push it, my dad is aware of the things he does and how it affects him and her. If it were up to me, I could talk to you all day, you have interesting thoughts,”

That's not what Donghyuck would say- you find yourself thinking. He would tell you to shut up. But ever since these street interviews began, a lot of the things Donghyuck despised about you, you'd began getting praises for them.

Donghyuck said he hated how fragile and weak your heart was. Mark the YouTuber said he loved how you have a big and understanding heart.

Donghyuck hated the way you dressed. Jaemin complimented your style and your uniqueness.

Donghyuck complained that you never listened to him and we're selfish. Jeno thanked you for taking your time to listen and provide him with comfort.

Chenle is telling you that you have interesting views, but Donghyuck would strongly disagree and try to not get you feeling good about yourself and your thoughts.

Sometimes it just happens, his voice comes in your head or flashbacks find themselves in your memory. You try to not dwell on them, but ever since you’ve gotten in these street interviews you found yourself getting more reminders of the dark cave you were once in.

It’s irking because whenever the memories come, a piece of you, the one that never hated Donghyuck, that still had faith in him comes back. If you could see him now, despite all that he’s done to you, and after everything that Renjun has done, you know that you’d shamefully go back into his arms. And that’s what hurts you the most. The fact that you think that he deserves a second chance... well 67th chance..or rather infinite chances.

“This isn’t about you Chenle,” Jisung calmly reminds, bringing Chenle’s attention back to the interview.

“Oh yeah, it just felt like a real conversation. As I was trying to say, you know other people would differ, they'd say, like you mentioned abuse is abuse and you can't force yourself to stay. What do you think of that?"

You nod my head. "You can’t force yourself to stay, it’s true. In fact the circle of people who know you will do everything they can to push you out of that kind of relationship. But their are others who force people into it. So I get where they’re coming from, but in this case, don't get in a relationship. Don't get in and mess someone else up more and then leave. It affects the person more when you leave. That person will now enter another relationship and ruin it because of what they dealt with in previous relationships. That's them, but now for you, you will also enter another relationship wondering what went wrong in the previous relationship and how to change it. The more we break each other's hearts, we're actually diminishing what love really is and what it should be. It's like a rebound type of love where we try to convince ourselves that things would go differently if we did this or that,"

"True," Chenle nods instantly. "You're taking the questions right out my mouth. It's like you know what people want."

I laugh. "People just need to be loved. So of course one topic would lead into another opening,"

He nods his head. "I love your cup of tea and wouldn't mind you being our go to source, in a lot more interviews," he compliments but shakes his head getting back on track. You try not to frown by how odd that sentence sounds. Is it something that all interviewers say, or is it what the ones who have spoken to you say...talking to you as if you're the most interesting person ever. Weird. "With that said, you mentioned for people not to get into relationships and fuck everything up for the person. How would you suggest a person engages in a relationship then?"

"The power of friendship can go a long way. Sometimes before you even date, you just need to spend time with someone.” You say. “I wouldn't advice you to get in a relationship with someone who already struggles by themselves, be a supportive friend instead. I wouldn't advice that the butterflies in your stomach push you into a rushed relationship, but I'd advice you to hold it in until you are sure that you can't see yourself without the person. Ever. I also wouldn't advice obsessing over the person, just be friendly. It doesn't have to be a long time, but its reasonable if you spend a long time because you'll see habits and traits show up more when you're both comfortable with each other."

'Where does it hurt?' Renjun asks, taking a seat next to you on the couch. You point your heart and he bends down kissing your chest before placing his beautiful lips on your eyes- his lips kissing your tears away. He sits normally again after some time still embracing you. 'It will get better soon,'

It's been some months since you broke up with Donghyuck and started living with Renjun. He's been extremely sweet, kind and patient. He told you that you could stay with him while looking for an apartment, he didn’t want you to rush or even have too much to worry about, so he suggested that you stayed with him. He also advised for you to stay with him just incase Donghyuck would come again. Renjun just wanted for you to get your head out of ‘Donghyuck’s ass’. And so when living with him, when he’d go to work, you’d find yourself thinking about Donghyuck. Sometimes it was hard to let go. Sometimes it was hard not to cry when you thought of him. Your heart aches when you think of how he turned out.

When you were kids, he'd push you in the sand pit, lock you in a headlock or pin you underneath him and his mum would say it's cute, but now when older and he pushed you to the ground trapping you underneath him as he had his way with you and pulled your hair- would his mum still say it's cute? You think of these things often when Renjun would leave for work. But when he came back to his house, you’d be in a shivering state with tears pouring out of you like a rainfall.

'Aren't you mad at me?'

'Mad at you?' He asks quietly causing you to look up at him. 'No.' he shakes his head. 'Why would you think I'm mad?'

'Because you come home late every night and instead of resting up, you're taking care of me, listening to my annoying voice that goes on and on abut things that aren't interesting to you... I feel like a burden,' You mumble hiding your face in his chest.

He pats your head. 'You've never been a burden to me. I'm tired yes, but I'd never get tired of you Y/n. How could you even think that?' Cry as much as you need to, say what you want to say, get it off your chest, I don't mind being here for you,'

'You'll get tired,' you mumble out.

'Never.' he shakes his head.

'Then I'll get tired,'

'I'm hoping you'll get tired of him and believing you are of less importance to me,'

From his behavior to his sincerity, you can spot the mild difference between Renjun and Donghyuck. Donghyuck never had time for your tears, pretended he couldn't see or hear you cry. But Renjun, despite not seeing him for almost half a day, when he was around he'd make time for you, always. 'Your parents must be so proud of you, they raised you right.' You comment.

The room becomes silent. He clears his throat rubbing your shoulder as he stares into the distance. 'Both my parents are drunkards. My mum's a whore and my dad manages her. They had me by accident and barely cared for me, well, they cared that I sold my body to perverts who wanted a young child. I ran away as soon as I got the chance.' He sighs swallowing the bitterness. 'So much for being proud and raising me right. If I went back to them, I'm sure they'd drug me and sell me off to some rich old lady looking for a sugar baby.' Renjun chuckles darkly.

'I'm so sorry.' Your mouth instantly utters. 'I'm so sorry Renjun. I didn't know, I didn't mean to intrude. I'm sorry.' Your mouth continuously apologises as you sit up bowing your head. He crosses his legs and rests his hand against the couch while lightly patting your arm.

'I wanted to share it with you, to let you know that despite our past relationships we can still turn out to be decent human beings.' he states. 'Besides, it's not your fault. I turned out pretty great if you say so. I mean, I've got my weaknesses here and there, but you've always trusted my verdict...and that made me feel useful in a good way, not the way my parents forced me to believe. We're friends who help each other, so thank you,'

It's your first time hearing him talk about himself so much. And in this moment, your eyes are hooked to him.

"No for real, it'd be an honor to get you in a lot of our discussions. Its a pleasure talking to you and listening. You give out actual answers and things to talk about," Chenle faces the camera. "Finally a considerate human being,"

"Well, I'm talking from experience. When unfortunate circumstances happen they tend to make you think about relationships differently. However they groom you to be a better version of yourself."

You chortle covering your face for bit trying to clear your head a bit, from the distracting face coming to mind. Donghyuck versus Renjun... your heart seems to weigh the two together. You're afraid that maybe...you're using Renjun to get over Donghyuck. And that maybe, somehow you might be ready to forgive him. But to get back with him, is surely impossible...right?

A prime example would be when you told Renjun it was okay when he asked to kiss you

"You've still got time right?"

It's not everyday he comes home drunk, but amongst the first few months when you were living with him, he came back home late then usual smelling like alcohol. You should've done something. Instead of making him seat and listen to him blabber about how much he likes you, you should've given him water to drink or some air to cool off. But no, your heart fell into a trap of being naive all over again. Renjun was drunk and confessing how much he liked you.

You sat down and listened to him talk- the same way you did when Donghyuck first came home drunk. You thought he just needed you to listen to him. So when Renjun asked to kiss you, you said yes absentmindedly. One thing led to another and before you know it both your clothes were off. You were so used to Donghyuck having sex with you even though he was drunk out of his mind - that it slipped your mind that Renjun wasn't the same as Donghyuck.

He despised himself the next morning when he woke up and saw you bare next to him.

You blink twice, getting yourself out of the illusion. You check your watch and nod your head. "It depends, I should be going soon, my boyfriend will arrive soon. But I'm sure he won't mind,"

"Your boyfriend won't mind? He won’t mind two dudes with his girl?" he questions while pointing to himself and Jisung and you nod your head despite his confusion. "So you're in a relationship right now and you said your answers would determine if you're in love right?"

You nod your head giving a smile. "Yes,"

"You know if it doesn't work out, I wouldn't mind," He flaunts out confidently.

You simply shake your head with a smile. "I'm very much in love with my boyfriend, thank you very much,"

His frowns playfully and sulks with a smile. "Alright, which leads me to my question, if you don't mind sharing a bit on your relationship,"

"As best as I can,"

He nods his head. "It's a series of questions, and it might make you feel uncomfortable,"

"Uncomfortable? Urm, okay let's see where this goes,"

He takes in a deep breath and turns to your direction again. "From your spaced out answers I pretty much guessed you were deep in thought about some things. So if you don't mind me asking, were you thinking of your boyfriend? Because from your previous statement of unfortunate circumstances, I think I was a bit confused. Does the unfortunate circumstances have something to do perhaps with an ex lover?"

Nervously running your fingers through your hair, you shyly smile and cross your legs. "Well at first I was only thinking of my boyfriend and then you mentioned abuse and all that and I thought of my previous boyfriend...my ex."

"My bad." Chenle's eyes widen and he looks concerned. "You said you speak from experience, so did he abuse you?"

"That question is a bit," You nervously chuckle ignoring his empathy.

"I'm sorry, I'll change topics." He nods his head and continues on. "What were some of the traits that you hated in your previous relationship?"

He didn't change the topic, he worded the question differently trying to prompt you to answer.

'You know, you don't have to do it if you're uncomfortable.' Renjun speaks up quietly after getting himself on the chair shifting away from you. But you hold onto his hand. It's been some days after your sexual encounter and he's been very agitated and mindful of how he touches you. Whether he remembers confessing or not, you'll never know because you've barely been in close contact with him.

'I appreciate your effort to get me in on the dating world again. But honestly I have my eye on someone,'

His ears perk up and he turns his head to you.

'And this person has told me to not rush into relationships mindlessly. After all love is supposed to be magical.' You quote his words back to him.

He sighs and places his bowl of fruit down. 'We had sex. I was barely conscious and took advantage of you. I don't want to be like Donghyuck who had mindless sex with you. I don't want to be like my parents and build off on sex. I want to be myself and keep to my word. The moment we had sex, my word was broken. And that was to only make love with someone I really like, not to have sex. I really like you, we've gotten to know each other so much more over the last months that I'm convinced in my heart and I'm sure that I like you. I'm sure that I've always liked you. Even when you were with Donghyuck I liked you. I still do. But I'm not perfect. And I'm afraid that if I can't keep up with my word, I might end up hurting you. I've got bad flaws and weaknesses. If I dare compare myself to Donghyuck, I'd say that I'm exactly like him when I'm drunk and not sober.' His eyes glisten with so much emotion.

'You're not like him. You're not like your parents.' You draw closer to him holding onto his hand. 'You're your own unique self. I believe you won't hurt me. I know you won't hurt me. I like you too. And you've made me feel magical.'

He smiles softly. 'Are you sure you want to be with me? It's a long leap down.'

'I'm sure.' You smile brightly.

'No turning back, now,' He mentions. When you smile, his grin gets wider and unlike all the times where Donghyuck and you would make up and he'd kiss you to show how much he truly loved you, Renjun is different and in his difference he doesn't dive in for a kiss, instead he has his hands around you again. After some days without feeling his constant hold, you feel safe and secured. Especially now that you're his.

You suck in your lips looking upwards and nodding your head feeling the wound open up again. A wound. A wound that doesn't seem to want to be closed. As well as a face that doesn't want to get out your head.

Being with Renjun has really made you feel mature over certain things. So with bravery, as Renjun once said, you speak up. "Some of the traits I hated in my previous relationship. Lies. I hate it with a passion. I hate being lied to and my ex boyfriend constantly lied. And it's not that he lied in the middle of the relationship, he lied from the very start. I don't even know if there was a moment of honesty in our relationship. He made me feel like I could change him, he'd always say he's changing for the better but it was a lie. He got worse. He would manipulate my words and turn them against me, it was like a psychological warfare inside that house. Verbal abuse and even physical at times if he was really drunk." You pause after saying that. You bite your lips anxiously peeling off the skin that's lingering. "He started cheating on me with a girl who he told me was his sister at the beginning of our relationship. He began picking me apart saying all sorts of comments about my appearance. And I'd believe him because I was with him for so long, you know in all those fights we'd make up in the most quickest way known to man, sex, and I was all head over heels again and quick to believe that I am indeed changing him because wow he came to apologize to me himself instead of his friends pushing him, he'd wipe my wounds instead of letting his friend do it, he'd say I'm beautiful and buy me these big bouquets of flowers-" You choke on your words a bit and clear your throat as you feel a big sting on your throat. You can't even believe how brutally honest your words have come out. It's like you're speaking to a therapist instead of two boys barely finished with college. But like word vomit, it doesn't stop coming out and you're not so sure why you're not allowing yourself to stop. "Only because he'd feel guilty when I'd smell a feminine perfume or I'd see an item that didn't belong to me. But a trait I hated the most from him, is how he'd sweet talk his way back into my life. The lying talk. I hated how he changed without actually changing. I hated how he said he loved me and still hurt me. It took a lot out of me to finally break up with him, because I was so convinced that I wasn't in a toxic relationship, I was convinced that he loved me and that he'd change... If it weren't for one of his friend's... my current boyfriend, I would have never left him. I'd sink in the dark hole he made me put myself in." You take a deep breath and shrug your shoulders. Despite saying it all out loud, your heart aches. Fuck him. Fuck Donghyuck.

"I'm happy you got out of that relationship. He sounded like a real asshole," Chenle shakes his head. "I'm sorry if that was tough for you to say, especially so publicly. It sounded like a mouthful and very hurtful."

'Did I really do a good job?' you ask Renjun still crying on his shoulder. 'I feel so empty and hollow. He said no one will ever love me the way he did. That he was doing me a favor for my shitty personality. Renjun... I think I made a mistake. I need to call him back.'

"It's okay," You smile, showing that you've moved on. It's hard, but you're sure that you've moved on. Even though his words hurt you at times and affect your relationship with Renjun, it feels good to confess out loud and actually feel that you've made it through the most toughest times in your life.

'Don't do that. Don't bury yourself in him again, thinking that he is your god.' Renjun sways your body side to side his hand patting your head as you sit on the floor of the room Renjun let you stay in. 'You did a good job okay? You're free from his words. I don't want you to think of them anymore. Let them out of your system, you can do that through painting or even writing, or even just talking out about them.'

"And your boyfriend. Your current boyfriend - oh wait, how long were you dating your ex?" Chenle asks.

"About 4 years. We were together for the whole of my college life and when I graduated." You nod your head as their eyes widen. "A lot of making up and fighting was done."

"Damn, you stayed in that bitch." Chenle mumbles and switching the topic. "What about your current boyfriend? How long have you dated him, you mentioned that he was your ex's friend and that you knew him, so how long have you known him for and how long have you guys been dating?"

"Uhm, the same time I met my boyfriend he introduced me to his friends and that's how I met my current boyfriend. So also, 4 years. But we've been dating for about 2 months now," You grin joyously. "It'll be 3 months in 4 days, so next week Wednesday,"

"That must be exciting," Chenle smiles. "Are you hoping it'll last?" You nod my head. "I don't want to sound tacky or intrude especially since you seem like a really honest person. But don't you think going after his friend is kind of...manipulating? I mean since they're friends, do you still see your ex?"

"Truly speaking I hear your question and I'm not trying to play the victim card." You say and zone out a bit. "But he has really been there for me. After breaking up with my boyfriend, I didn't jump on him, in fact I took time to meditate and find myself again. A full year had passed without me involving myself in relationships, so, whether you think it's tacky or manipulative, it doesn't matter because I'm happy now. To answer your other question, I don't see my ex. My boyfriend does, from time to time, but I don't,"

"I'm actually curious, If you don't mind. How come he was the only one who helped you? Did his other friends not know about what your ex did to you?"

"I barely saw his friends." You say. "I was too 'boring' for them. And times I did see them, I kept a happy front. You know, the face you do when you don't want people to know what's happening behind doors. If I had any visible bruises, I'd lie about them... However...some believed and others weren't so convinced, but they didn't do anything."

Reminds you of the first time Renjun's doubts about you and Donghyuck's relationship began.

He came by to drop a notebook Donghyuck had borrowed him, but he stayed much longer because he heard Donghyuck and you yelling at each other- Donghyuck was strongly accusing you and you were heavily defending yourself. According to Renjun, it was the first time he heard you yelling and crying. It was also the first time he heard Donghyuck outside of his bubbly personality be so...'raw'.

He left before he could hear anything else. It's only a few days later when he came by again to check up on you, he saw you massaging your bruised cheek. He asked what happened and you lied that you fell on your face and when he saw your arm and chest marks- he wasn't blind to what his friend had been doing. He knew that something sinister was going on in your relationship and by himself he became the middleman and would intervene between Donghyuck and you whenever you sought out for him.

"What traits does your boyfriend have that you don't like?" Chenle asks.

"He's literally a trying saint. He's so, genuine about everything and sincere. He's really on the nice side of the spectrum. However he still gets mad, or annoyed and even grumpy like a normal human being. But he's passionate, and so all his emotions are to the full. So when he's mad, he'll get fully mad, when he's not in the mood, I can clearly see. When he's irritated, there's this mood around that it's almost tangible. However I've delt with worse, so it doesn't phase me as much.. One thing I dislike, or find it a trait to watch out for before it gets worse, is his drinking. Oh my soul does he drink. He could drink for a whole community. He doesn't drink often, but when he does, it's severely a moment that I know I need to step back."

"Ahhh," Chenle sympathizes with you. "It's always the drinking. Not that it's something negative, but it seriously is a pain when it becomes an addiction. Some people aren't themselves once they become slaves to drinking. Drinking actually gives you so much to deal with. I'm actually surprised that in the same sentence you said you're boyfriend's on the nice spectrum and then went on to saying he's a potential drunkard. Don't you see that as a red flag? Not that I'm speculating, but it's dangerous."

You nod your head thoughtfully. For some reason, you feel that as a jab much more than a concern. "He's working on it. He's had a rough past, so the fact that he's acknowledged his problem and is making an effort by himself to change, I feel secured that he won't turn into a red flag."

Chenle nods his head with a little smile. "As you mentioned that your current boyfriend is on the nice side, would you say that girls prefer being with good nice guys other than guys who are more ambitious?"

Your eyebrows raise up in shock a little. "More ambitious?Sounds like you're taking sides." You chuckle alongside him. "But to answer you, I don't really know about other girls, but with me... My boyfriend's an angel, he's really good to me, he's a whole transition from my ex and I like that a lot. I like that there's not a lot of negative traits to worry about. I like that I can finally feel... something."

"So there's absolutely nothing you hate about him? Nothing at all?" Chenle is surprised and shakes his head. "There must be something, and if you really say there's nothing then it's most likely the sex is bad,"

This makes you laugh out loud and you instantly shake your head trying to disagree. "You really wanna break him down."

Chenle doesn't say it, but he's contemplating on whether your boyfriend is a rebound or is truly sincere. "I wanna see if he's worth taking a chance on. Everyone has flaws, some worse then others, but everyone has something. Okay, can I ask this. Are you with your boyfriend because he's nice, or because you quote on quote love him?"

“That’s an odd way to word the question,” You state but still tilt your head in thought.

Are you with Renjun because he’s nice or because you're in love with him? Well that's not even a question. You're certainly in love with him. He just happens to be nice.

“I don’t know about other girls, but I can say that it’s nice being in a relationship which feels safe rather then chaotic. So yes, I'm with him because I love him, I love the person he is. He's nice and that's a real flex many people can't have.”

“Alright,” He nods his head. “How about we go on to other traits you might like. To be specific I'm talking about sex. Let's talk about your sex life, if that's okay with you," You snort out a laugh just as his eyebrows raise suggestively. "For most couples aside from being spoilt, the sex is the deal breaker." Chenle sneakily comments again hiding his smile, but failing when his lips raise. "Is that the case for you? Just be free and expressive. We're all grown adults and mature. Talk about it like it's nothing. I could even share my sex life with you if you want,"

Your cheeks instantly flash red but your lips produce other words. "You just really wanna know about the sex, don't you?"

"It's a really serious question though. In some cases it's a deal breaker," Chenle laughs. "So?"

You sigh, taking into consideration that their could be many people watching this. They could also edit it in weird ways if your answers aren't good enough, and that's something you don't want. With unknown courage you sigh out and place your hands in your pocket. "The sex is also different. With my ex, I mean he had a very dominant personality and would just dominant over me... With my boyfriend now, it's like I'm more of... I mean, we're very conservative people but when we're on the bed it's like a switch. Sometimes I'm the one who's cluelessly on top and being... dominant?" You chuckle being flustered. "And he's more submissive and letting me do what I want before he takes over, so it's a switch."

Hopefully that's good enough, for it not I be edited.

"He doesn't spoil me rotten like my ex. My ex was more intimate and liked going overboard to get pleasure, he was really kinky and would just like to try everything- when I didn't even want to do those things." You try not to evoke any bitterness, but your face shows how much you dislike thinking about sex with Donghyuck. "My boyfriend is very soft, so sex is more like love making, something we're taking slow instead of doing all these kinks and stuff. I don't know if I answered your question," you slightly laugh returning back to normal.

"Your answer was dignified." Chenle charmingly wiggles his brows, however his eyes slightly panic when your eyes go onto your ringing phone.

It's Renjun.

He sent a text.

"Oh man, I can see that you have to go. But one more thing we need you to do for us. On our show, before we close up, we do this thing where we'd call your significant other and maybe ex, just to see if your words were true," He says and quickly adds. "I'm not saying I don't believe you, but for the sake of our viewers who always have opinions and say this is staged and stuff, we let you call your ex-"

"You want me to call my ex?" You ask in confusion the smile dying from your lips just as your eyes leave the message box Renjun sent to peer with deep confusion into Chenle's eyes. "For what? To call, I can call my boyfriend but not my ex. That's crazy."

"Truthfully whenever I put couples in awkward positions where they have to explain a bad experience in their relationship, I feel guilty for letting them reminisce on past relationships. So a way of making up, I try to make the person I'm interviewing make-up or even just leave on peaceful notes."

"I'm not getting it. But despite what you're saying, I'm not gonna call my ex. Why not call my boyfriend instead-"

You're about to call on Renjun's number, but Chenle nervously chuckles quickly placing his hand on your phone sliding it down. "I'm a peaceful guy and don't believe people should have enemies. You know. And since you've started dating his friend after some months, I feel that it wouldn't be a problem to just not leave things on a sour mode between you and your ex."

"This is just a weird turn of events. Uhm, I do believe that if I wanna make up, I can do it on my own terms, not for your viewers." You scratch your head still trying to be polite. It now seems strange how he’s paying more attention to your ex. "And I said it before, but it really feels like this is all in favour of ex's. You're taking sides here. First of all, after breaking up with my ex I spent an entire year by myself. And only started dating my boyfriend 2 months ago, so it's not like I moved on fast. It was a long process of healing... trying to heal and not falling for stupid words again. And secondly, I don't have his number anymore. I wouldn't want to keep it even if we would mysteriously become friends again. Which I doubt. I don't want any form of relationship with him ever again. The only thing, I'd perhaps want from him is an apology, but that's not gonna happen because I don't have his contact details."

Chenle looks to the camera and back at you with an unknown look on his face. "What’s his name?"

“We can find him for you,” Jisung looks from behind the camera, concern in his eyes. Staring at the two boys you sigh. “And if you want a private moment, we can blur out his details for you,”

You're confused. Anger is slow when it's building in you, but you can feel it peeking.

"There's no going back now," You hear Chenle whisper.

Not wanting to argue this pointless argument you let out his name. “His name is Donghyuck. Lee Donghyuck,”

His name leaves your lips, and for some reason, a nervous chill runs down your spine. The mere fact of talking to Donghyuck... No. This can't happen.

Chenle opens up his Instagram searching up the name. While he's searching, your heart beat begins to speed up and fear is wedged in you.

The last time you spoke (barely spoke) to him was on the day of your breakup.

He said a lot of things that tore you from inside.

Words that would wake you from your slumber and make you wonder if really you made the right decision, or sometimes you would look into the mirror and hate yourself because everything he’d say was true.

He'd say you were a coward, worthless, heartless and a big baggage of vulnerabilities.

Already being given everything you wanted from an early age, experiencing love from family and friends, and then hearing all these negatives about yourself from someone you truly fell for, made you realize that truly you're not all roses and pearls. When you took the decision to break up with him and forced yourself to go on with the breakup despite his words, you thought you did something right.

As he left your life, you wanted nothing more except to have him back in your life. Even though it hurt you being with him, there were times when he’d look at you with generous eyes, even though it was a long time ago he did love you.

No one held a gun to his head to make him say those words, from the depths of his heart he knew he loved you.

He was just not in the right state of mind.

And that's why you feel fear. Because you fear, that he could still be in the wrong state of mind, or worse...in the right state of mind.

Trying to reach out to him right now, feels terrifying because you don’t know what mood he’s in. There’s a chance he might not even care, or he'll hold your name up as the most hated person or maybe he’ll ignore your breath on the call.

You don’t know what it’d be like to speak to him again, to hear his voice, his voice that has only been on repeat in your head. Knowing how you ended things, you only have fear that he’ll answer with so much hate.

“I don’t really care if you blur it or not, I just want to be given a chance to cut the call if he says anything that I don’t like.” You stand beside Chenle not giving an option of what you'll do. Even though all you want to do is leave.

You can leave. No one is stopping you.

But...you stay.

For a reason of chance.

What will it be like to hear, his voice, Lee Donghyuck's voice again?

Watching Chenle type out the name over his keyboard before a suggestion pops up with the name ‘Haechan’, your eyebrows furrow.

“Wait,” Chenle shuts his eyes for a moment peeking at Jisung. “Haechan?” Chenle shows the phone to Jisung before he shows it to me. “Is this your ex?”

Looking at the screen into the eyes you once had so much love for, you nearly stumble back in fear. For so long, you’ve only thought of him through the eyes of your memory that you forgot what it’s like to actually look into his eyes. His sharp dark brown eyes stare back at you with so much raw energy. To think, that your heart beats softly instead of furiously when you just look at his picture is what makes you scared. All the times you spent together hits you so hard like an ocean crashing into shore. His smile that provided you with so much hope and peace, his reassuring hold on you that you would never ever find a guy like him, the way he was so soft to you that you allowed him to have all your firsts, his kindness, his tenderly ears that would always listen to you- you press your lips together.

It’s him for sure. Seeing his eyes and his warm gentle yet so sharp features remind you of how much he has grown. He looks much more straightforward then in the past. In the past he always had a smile on his face, but now he's structure seems so confident and strong. You could even say he looks like a fuck boy.

Although he looks so different in the picture, your mind can’t comprehend how you're seeing his face on a phone screen right now.

No way.

There’s no way that this isn’t planned. "This isn't a coincidence."

If you're seeing his face now, it means that there’s a gateway that’s leading you to... him again.

And you don’t want to walk through that gate.

First it was that interviewer Mark, then it was Jaemin and then Jeno... now it's these two street interviewers Chenle and Jisung.

No way it's a coincidence.

Something is happening.

“This is planned right?” you ask with uncertainty looking at Chenle. “You guys set me up right?”

“No-”

“Don’t lie to me. There’s no way in hell that after all the time I’ve been away from him that I’m suddenly seeing his face." You instantly feel guarded. "Even my boyfriend doesn't talk or bring him up, so now how come after a year, I'm seeing his face again?"

Chenle remains silent, his lips in a tight seal. His eyes glance to Jisung before Jisung slowly puts the camera down. Chenle sighs out and his face shows one of being caught- it's also on Jisung's face. "Okay hear me out," Chenle starts. "We're not actually YouTubers. We're journalist students yes, and we're also doing research,"

"Research?" Your answer is dead sharp and you don't seem like you're in any mood to entertain them anymore. "You expect me to believe that?"

"It's true," Jisung inputs himself looking down. "We're sorry for lying to you."

"We just wanted to help our friend out. He really wanted to find you,"

"To apologize," Jisung slowly tells.

When Chenle says friend, your heartbeat instantly skips a beat. And when Jisung says to apologize, you know that it's 100% Donghyuck. You don't know how you know it's him, but you know it.

You sigh out.

"I'm done here."

Turning around to leave, not wanting to entertain this any longer, your legs are stilled on the spot, just as your eyes reflect to you a being you've been far from for so long. Your heart freezes just as the tears form beneath your eyes. Just as sharp as his features where on the phone, you can see for yourself that he's gotten more raw.

Dressed in all black looking like a nightmare of a dream you can't help but let your feet step back. "No." You shake your head breathing out with a raspy voice. His eyes, dark brown and remorseful look back at you and he steps forward. "No." You shake your head breathing out when he steps forward again.

He calls your name and that's enough for you to break down in tears which you try to hide. "Please-"

"I said no, I don't want this-" You hold yourself from breaking down but when he's close enough to you and he's about to touch you, you flinch and immediately pull back from his hands. "Donghyuck, I don't want you-" you choke up on your tears shutting your eyes.

"Please..." He whispers again, causing pain across your soul, especially when his arms gently wrap around your frame.

You're resisting, but it's weak.

You can feel your heart beating fast and his warmth and smell sipping into you. You feel dizzy in his grasp that you find yourself melting into him and letting your balled fists rest against his chest as you cry out.

"Donghyuck let me go please," You whisper out. "I don't....You hurt me and you're here. You can't just do that, you can't come back and make me cry again. Donghyuck I hate you so much right now." All this being said as your voice breaks reflecting your tears and pain.

"I know," You hear his voice, calm and tender.

You can feel it.

You’re falling for him again.

Present time

Sitting across from Donghyuck in the little diner that you two set on to eat, you can’t help but feel so small. His eyes are on you, his two hands nervously and slowly rubbing on each other just hoping that you place your hands on the table again.

But you don't want to. Not after what he said.

The tears try to come to surface, but you force them down. "Donghyuck I'm with someone else." Your eyes don't look up again. "My heart is with someone else."

"I don't believe it. I can't believe it. Because if it were true, you'd be looking into my eyes." Donghyuck's voice is so beautiful and soft. Your ears having a hard time hearing him after such a long time. "I was afraid that you'd tell me you have another. That there's someone else by your side. I was hoping it wouldn't be true because you know Y/n, I love you. I didn't act the way I should've, no, I've caused you pain and I've reflected on it. But I need you. Y/n please look at me."

You shake your head.

"Do you not miss being together with me? Do you not miss my voice? Because I miss yours. I miss listening to you, I miss embracing you and the way you'd do it too whenever I was down. Just once more, please give me a chance. I lost you and I'm a fool for that. I'm sorry, Y/n please I'm sorry,"

That makes your heart yearn. You close your eyes. Not wanting to see him...not wanting his words and face to team up to destroying you.

"I was a fool, and I can't stand it. Please come back to me," Donghyuck begs. "I promise I'm better now. I promise that I'll treat you right. All the time spent without you has only made me realize how much I need you. Please Y/n. I'll never leave you alone again. Please..."

"You've been awfully quiet," Renjun whispers behind you. He leans over the couch trying to get a look at your face. "Your silence is killing me. What's wrong?"

You shake your head with a little smile. "Nothing. I'm just really tired. Today was a long day,"

His lip tugs upwards causing his side dimple to appear. His lips press gently on your cheek and he gets off the couch. "I'll set up the bed for us then,"

"Cool," You mummer watching him walk to the dim hallway watching him disappear. Bringing your phone out, your eyes latch onto the opened message left by a recent contact you saved.

Lee Donghyuck:

Have you decided?

If you give me a chance, I'll make the hurt go away. I promise

"Don't do it."

Your head spins around rapidly to the only other voice in the house with you. Renjun leans by the wall with his head down. Despite him once dressed in his pajamas, he looks like he's about to go out, in his attire. A white short sleeved baggy shirt and his hands wedged in his black sweatpants. He doesn't look up, however you can most likely guess his facial structure just from the tone of his voice. He's upset.

"That man hurt you to the point where you couldn't get up again. He took your smile, your voice and your strength." Renjun finally looks up into your weary eyes filled with tears threatening to spill. "He shattered your confidence and broke you mentally. I'm not saying I healed you, but I'm saying I've seen you smile again, laugh, and have seen you turned into an even better version of yourself. Don't let him break what you've built again."

"Renjun..." You blink lightly, not wanting the tears to slip from your eyes.

"The moment I saw Jeno walk up to you in that park. I knew that Donghyuck was going all in. Trying to sweetly present himself again back into your life." He runs his hand through his hair. "Judging by your silence ever since you came back from your walk, I'm guessing you saw him. He made a whole bunch of promises, saying the right words of change, telling you how much he misses you or that you're better off with him. Am I right?"

Silence. As your head bows down and your thoughts run with the wind. Although you know that what Renjun is saying is true, you seriously can't help but think about the promises Donghyuck made. About how he said he's better now. That he has changed. He's ready to commit to me and...love me.

"I'm going out to the bar."

At that your head snaps up when catching him place a black beanie over his head as he makes his way to the door. "Baby please don't go, please just stay with me... Please don't leave me at this time," Your tears don't even hide themselves as they pour out your eyes. Frantically getting off the couch and running to his side by the door, your body surges into him from the back as you tightly hold onto his body. "If you leave my thoughts won't make sense again."

"And this is why I need to go out." Renjun whispers gently turning around to wrap you in his arms just as you hold onto him tighter. "If I stay, I'll be doing the thinking for you. When in reality," His arms detach from your body causing you a wave of panic. "You already chose him."

You shake your head trying to hold onto his shirt. "Baby, Renjun I didn't-"

"Right, you just need to think about it,"

"That's not true-"

"So what do you need to think about?"

"Just...just...Renjun-'

"Just what?"

"Stop pressuring me." You whine.

"Stop pressuring you?" His eyes narrow in irritation. "I'm going-"

"Renjun don't go-"

"I'm not staying here while you contemplate on how to leave me-"

"Stop saying that!"

"Oh for the love of- Y/n! I gave you everything that I had. I fell in love with you! For hell's sake I love you but now I feel so fucking stupid-"

"No!"

"Just admit it, I was a rebound. I'm a rebound-"

"Renjun it's not true I also love-"

"I was just a fool for allowing myself to fall for you, while you were waiting for him to fucking be better-"

"Renjun-"

"You know where to find me-"

"Stop-"

"Do you love me!?"

"N-Yes!"

"Do you love him!?"

"Y-No! Renjun stop!"

"Let me go Y/n-"

"Renjun please-"

"Y/n!" Renjun snaps. He pants out groaning out when seeing your blotched crying face. He sighs running his hand over his face before removing his cap and placing it in his pocket. He bends down a bit while holding onto your arms. "I'm sorry for yelling. I'm sorry."

"Renj-"

"But please." He shuts his eyes. "If I stay here any longer I'll end up making you leave me faster-"

"Babe-"

"I'll be back. I promise."

"Please don't go." You grip his shirt. "Babe, if go, you won't come back sober."

"That's the point."

You let your eyes do the talking hoping he won't go. But what you fail to see, is his own broken eyes. But he lets go of your arms placing his beanie over his head.

"Call me if you need me."

Once the door closes, you spend about a minute staring at it. Your trance is broken when your phone rings. You sigh out knowing who it is.

And once you pick up your phone reading the contact name, you place the phone over your ear.

"Hey," He greets.

"Now's not a great time-"

"Do you still love me? Because I want you to know that, I never meant to leave you hurting,"

You sigh out. You've been through a lot with Donghyuck. It was sweet in the beginning before it turned bitter. And as bitter as it got, you couldn't stand what was in your mouth anymore and your throw up. You've learnt how to heal with Renjun. He helped you as you embarked on the journey to heal yourself, while you healed- your heart found the impossible to be possible as you fell in love again.

Today's interview made you see that. That despite all that you went through with Donghyuck, if you turn over a new page, you can hopefully have a better healing relationship. However, the person who's helped you heal asked for nothing from you except that you take your time to heal.

Not even cutting the call, you quickly run (and with your bare feet) you pull open the door and run outside. "Donghyuck I'm sorry, but right now is not the time,"

"Y/n-"

You shake your head leaping with your toes as you move forward along the night lit sidewalk. "Donghyuck please. Not now."

You drop the call, carefully trudging along the sidewalk and avoiding any passing cars and you cross the street. Usually the bar was a ten minute drive, but on foot, and by shortcut it took about five minutes. You're panting and gasping for air by the time you cross the road to where the bar is. You're stunned that as you appear, Renjun's car is already there. You notice his stiletto shadow still in the car and you smile. Getting close to the car, you waste no time in approaching and hoping that he'll be able to listen to you.

He's laid back on his seat with his eyes closed.

Carefully, you knock twice on the window and he opens his eyes. He's confused when seeing you, but doesn't say anything. He opens up his door stepping out. Letting his hands go deep in his pocket he looks into your eyes.

For him, you were a friend in need of saving. He never intended on letting his heart do the saving, he stupidly just followed and hoped he wouldn't get wrapped up in his own feelings. From the moment he invited you to his house, to the moment he showed his hospitality, he always knew that you'd leave him.

So not even letting you speak, his hands cup your face as his thumb circles your cheek before he meekly dives in and engulfs your lips in his own. Giving you one last kiss.

"Wanna drink?"

"Renjun..."

"Please.."

You sigh, deciding to follow him inside. Luckily for you, he squats for you to get on his back so that he can carry you inside. Once inside the warm bar, Renjun sets you down ordering a row of shots. Taking a seat by the bar on the rolling chair, you can't help but frown at his choice of drink and how much he seems he's going to drink.

Before the drink comes, you both sit in silence letting the jazz music play in the background. Your thoughts are blank as you simply fix your eyes on his empty eyes.

“He’s not perfect." He speaks, as soon as the bartender sets the drinks down. "You aren’t either."

"Renjun.."

"And... and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can."

"Wait Renjun, you're not making sense,"

"I'm making perfect sense. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he isn't going to be thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break." He sighs. "He has changed. I'm a witness to it. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had."

"Renjun, I want you,"

"I know. I want you too. But, perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you."

"You're perfect for me,"

Taking one drink, gulping it down in one go, he sets the empty drink down and drinks another before shaking his head. "Is it okay..." he holds the drink in his hand, twirling the liquid, not looking at me as his eyes get glossy. "Is it okay of we let time tell? If he's not the one, then you know where to find me."

You're at a loss for words when he waits for your answer for a while, before drinking his drink down and taking another shot glass and another and another. Before he orders another set. You simply sit. With a heavy heart. Your phone vibrating in your hand and your feet bare.

You're sure there are tears in your eyes when looking at how devastated Renjun is. You want to feel as though you've got your emotions under check and that your heart is not pining for him- yet the depth of your eyes reveal your hearts longing for the being sitting and drowning his drink like a madman. You remember a time when you would always feel flattered, gushed over him and feel so much love radiating out of him. However now, you don't know how to feel. You're scared for certain. But you aren't scared of him, you're scared of your feelings towards him, and how it seems as though he's lost hope. Lost hope in you and what your relationship is. Why is it, that those sweet memories of your past together are turning dim? Why is it, that he's not holding your hand right now trying to assure you that nothing will happen? Why is he drinking after laying an uncertain break up with you? Why is it, that after an hour of drinking, his hands that are playing with yours makes you feel warm? Why is it, that your new uncertain ex boyfriend Huang Renjun is sitting beside you and your heart is breaking?

And why is it, that you feel like you've left him hurting?

90 notes · View notes