#I CANT BELIEVE YOUD STAB ME IN THE BACK LIKE THIS

[rosebelladonna]

That AU where they were partners... headcanons pls?

After Ruby tells her how she wants to be a hero and make the world a better place, Blake goes off the cliff planning on finding her.

Blake finds her easily and steps out in front of her while she's rushing about looking for Yang

Ruby is really quiet and shy while they look for the 'relics' and Blake is like "??? You're allowed to like. Talk yknow" and Ruby kinda blushes and goes "I...don't know how to hold a conversation with you..." and immediately Blake is like "Yes This Was A Perfect Plan" bc. Ruby is So Cute

When Ruby says they should hitch a ride on a Nevermore, Blake is just like "no you're absolutely right. lets go" bc truly? Blake is canonically always down for Ruby's schemes (except for at the beginning of v2 but she turned around p quick when the food fight happened)

just. so much slow blinking. and ruby picks up on that fast and does it back.

blake, soft smile, slow blink:

ruby: weiss,,,,,blake keeps blinking at me???

weiss: blink back, cats do it to show affection

ruby, blinking back:

blake: O///////O *runs away*

volume 2 is a lot of ruby being upset and jealous ab sun tbh. (just bc i feel like ruby is more predisposed to jealousy even if she doesnt realize the extent of her feelings)

when blake is overworking herself and doesn't want to go to the dance, ruby asks yang for advice on how to convince blake to go and yang is like "just tell her how much youd like to see her there!"

anyway where im going with that is ruby taking blake flowers and stammering her way through asking blake to the dance

blake is blushing and furious and asks if ruby is making fun of her or if sun set her up to do this and ruby is just like "no!!!!! i really want you to come to the dance and i especially want you to come with me!!!!" and basically they get kicked out of the library for yelling

blake rests up and meets ruby outside the dance and yang cheers and tells them how pretty they look

ruby clings to blake because she cant walk in heels and blake is just like "WHY AM I SO FLUSTERED BY THIS SHE'S JUST MY PARTNER. MY TEAM LEADER. WHY AM I BLUSHING!!!"

sun tries to cut in and ruby shoots him the nastiest glare. she doesnt know why either but SHE asked blake to the dance, dammit!

pyrrha and yang steal her away to dance with them in the end though and blake does dance with sun! she has fun! but she kinda misses how it felt to lead ruby in their awkward stilted dance (bc not being able to walk in heels is bad enough. trying to dance in them? eugh. hell.)

then weiss and yang both dance with blake and ruby steps out for a breath and so the dance arc goes about like it did in canon (with blake being Very Stressed when ruby comes back after disappearing for the last half of the dance and its much later than it should be)

i feel like the mountain glenn arc goes similarly, but with ruby actually listening to the rest of her team's conversation by the fire and her being the one to comment "youre not one to back down from a challenge, blake" and blake looks at her through the glow of the fire and she looks so sweet and sincere it nearly breaks her heart. ruby tells them to get some rest and that she'll wake the next person at shift change

and then yknow she gets caught by torchwick and goons

uhhh v3 headcanons include

ladybug going into the doubles match

ruby being the one framed (for injuring neo instead of mercury - em casts an illusion so that neo can still be the getaway driver)

blake being horrified bc like. ruby's emblem, dyed hair, speed, black + red aesthetic, red weapon and now her SWEARING this was an accident? its just too much.

but ruby's eyes are honest and so blake chooses to believe her and even does a little slow blink at her while yang wipes at ruby's face and promises to bring her back something sweet from the fairgrounds

yang + merc showdown happens in the tunnels to get to the other side of the arena after yang talks to velvet and realizes what the hell is going on during the penny pyrrha fight when she spots emerald

yang firing off shots at the nevermore in front of pyrrha and weiss rushing in with penny's sword to scream "get away from her!" (global warming? on MY ladybug blog? its more likely than u think)

blake is already calling her locker and trying to figure out how to get back to her partner

the blake adam fight happens in front of the tower and happens bc im shifting the timeline around to suit my needs

basically in my au here,,,,,,,,,pyrrha is taken to get the maiden powers earlier in the fall and cinder makes adam stand guard while she goes to get the wyvern

which means jaune calls the girls and wby goes to get pyrrha and then run into adam. blake even though she's terrified and not ready, tells them she'll hold him off. so then weiss and yang go off up the tower. (yang still loses her arm, cinder cuts it off instead)

the reason i changed it up like this? ruby stumbles on blake being stabbed and activates her eyes. the blast is so big it still takes out the wyvern and cinder. unfortunately it knocks ruby out but similarly to canon, blake leaves a copy of them and runs. adam flees when he realizes he has nothing else to do there (he does still promise to destroy everything blake loves starting with ruby but big blinding flash of light means he didnt get to)

qrow shows up and helps weiss bring pyrrha and yang (who are both injured and unconscious) down from the tower

sun sits by yang's bed until she wakes up and then tells her that blake left -- but he's going after her and asks her to tell ruby

pyrrha stays at the rose-xiao long house while recovering, weiss is taken away by jacques, blake runs, ruby leaves with jnr on their big journey and just. hopes she'll see everyone again

also when they get to the battle of haven, blake very quietly says "ruby?" and yang has to snap ruby out of her reverie. they fight alongside one another and when all is said and done she stretches her arms out to blake for a hug while she sits on the floor and blake rushes to her

(yang brought pyrrha along so jnpr has a big reunion and then both teams sink into a big group hug)

ruby tells blake all about her adventures with jnr and blake tells her about taking back the white fang (and about adam)

theres even more feeling behind ruby blasting the apathy when theyre about to get blake (and she gets a little embarassed when she's talking with maria and remembers that silver eyes are fuelled by love bc she activated them to save blake twice now)

adam v ladybug - ruby races through the woods and just comes over the cliff in rose petal form and slams crescent rose into his face

blake tells ruby how adam's semblance is similar to yang's but how he's super fast and ruby is just like "i can guarantee im faster" (canonically ruby's semblance is at least one part teleportation)

basically she uses a move like qrow did with tyrian and catch adam's sword in crescent rose. she then smashes her head into his face and he stumbles back and then blake jumps back up and kicks him in the back and he stumbles over the broken piece of gambol shroud and yeah they stab him.

they get back to find the leviathan and then it plays out basically how it did in the finale (but yknow with ruby and blake sitting together and yang gives ruby The Look™)

blake is freaking out bc she has no way to help and now the leviathan is staring ruby down

most of ruby's memories focus in on blake as something to activate her eyes and some of the bad memories is adam standing over blake at the fall and him throwing her off the side of the bridge

when ruby gets back into the airship blake is so relieved she kisses her and ruby is just like "aaaaAAAAAAAAAAA"

also ruby helps blake figure out what she wants to do to fix gambol shroud and plans it out with her so that when they get to a weaponsmith, all the plans are there

blake kisses ruby again after her haircut and ruby cant stop running her hands through it

[rosewyattpoetry]

fall.

In America they call it fall because that’s what the leaves do

They fall and become dust on the ground and eventually leave you

When something disintegrates all we are left with is the memory

The photos and the pictures don’t really mean anything

You remember the appearance the spirit and the presence

I never thought I’d be writing your goodbye poem

Because when somebody dies

A part of you does too  

The pain cuts in to your heart like you imagine an ice skate cutting in to the rink

Carving a new shape in to it that you’ve not seen before leaving an imprint

It’s safe to say the imprint you’ve left is so big so cruel so wide

I can’t remember the last time I laid in bed all day and cried

The hypothetical sword is straight through my heart and stabbing me

But the worst part of grief is that if I wrench out I might just lay there and bleed

Because all though the pain is so hard to bare

It’s keeping my last thoughts of you in my head so clear

I’m not ready to let go of that and i’m not ready to let go of you

I’m not ready to accept that today you died because you wanted to

I want to hate you and resent you for leaving me  

But maybe now you know how much you were loved looking down on everyone grieving you

I want to run down to your house and feel the uneven cracks beneath my feet

It’s weird to think that now ill never have a reason to revisit your street

Or step foot inside your door or hear our voices echoing within the walls

I remember the time I was ill and we made our own den on the floor

You were my castle you were my safe place we may of drifted but ill never forget the face

You gave me when I told you I was gay and you laughed and you said that it was ok

That I shouldn’t fear who I am or feel obliged to go home with a man

I don’t think you will ever know how much I appreciated you

You saved me, even though I couldn’t save you  

I just wish id of known, you know? I would of taken that pain ten fold for ten years

If it meant I got to keep you in my life  

It makes me sick to think you were my safe haven at one point and the day will never come where you meet my wife

I feel weak and weary knowing I did nothing to help bear the burden

I cant believe you didn’t speak to me or tell me the thoughts you were having

The worst part is I never look back and think of you sad, you were always laughing

We had so much growing still to do, growing apart, growing together, coming home to you

I want to go to the woods we used to hang out in and carve our inititals in to every tree because, yes, “I heart you”

There was nothing else you could of fought for, I just wish you had fought for yourself a bit more

I will never truly know what was going on in your mind or your heart

I will never know what I could of done more, the times I was too hungover to reply to your messages

The times I bailed on our plans because id left my work too late and it wasn’t going to write itself

Little did I know those words were all unwritten I was cementing our book to forever be on the shelf

Today at work the penny dropped that you had died

I opened a bad email and all I could do was cry

I don’t think people are used to seeing that side of me

Someone came over and asked me if I wanted a cup of tea

Sometimes people don’t know what to say when we show our emotion

It’s hard for me to do too but I could of cried an ocean

On Monday I woke up and everything was great

By Tuesday I realised the loss of such a mate

By Wednesday I’ve finally pulled myself out of bed

By Friday I want to wake up and realise you’re not really dead

They say no one ever really leaves you

Well if that is the case why cant I run up and throw my arms around you

Cheers our glasses of beer together being British and talking about politics and the weather

I know youd kill me for some of the memories I have and they stay with me until we meet again

Some of the funniest times in my life have been with you and I don’t regret any of them

Ill miss the faint smell of your amber leaf rollies and even the fact you drank gin

But there’s nothing I will miss more than the confidence you gave me within

[thiefcat-niao]

Ending the Session (Chapter 1)

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh!   Characters/Ships: Gemshipping (Thief King Bakura/Ryou Bakura); Ryou Bakura, Thief King Bakura, Atem, Yugi Mutuo, Zorc Necrophades  Rating: T Length: Chapter 1 / 3; 2300 words

Summary:

Into Ryou's lonely apartment comes a spirit, an ancient power that speaks and manifests through the Ouija board kept beneath the bed. It calls itself Tou, and claims to be human. Ryou believes.

Read on AO3 

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Chapter One: Tou 

Ryou Bakura arrived home; his small apartment greeted him with silence, and with the faint scent of his supper simmering in the slow-cooker. He flicked on the light and put down his grocery bags, then set to putting his groceries away. At some point, he reached up to tug the tie out of his hair, letting the white locks tumble down around his shoulders. He didn't bother to work the tangles out with his fingers.

The only sounds were the squeak of the refrigerator door, the rustling of plastic bags, and Ryou's occasional, thoughtful mutters as he tried to find space for milk and whipping cream among plates of thawing puff pastry.

Once the groceries were put away, Ryou checked the personal-sized roast in his slow-cooker, steam bathing his face as he opened the lid. He added in chopped vegetables for the last half-hour of cooking, then went to shower. When he emerged, dressed in a plush house-robe and with damp hair clinging to his neck, he collected his supper and took it to his secondhand dining table.

The meat was tender and delicious, and Ryou hummed softly into the silence as he ate. Still, he thought, perhaps he could add a bit more onion in, next time he fixed the recipe. He answered a couple of texts from friends, phone sitting beside his plate—a question about a shared college class from Jounochi Katsuya; a invite to coffee from Yugi Mutuo; an amusing internet post that Honda Hiroto had forwarded him. He smiled, thinking of his friends.

Ryou finished his dinner; started the dishwasher; sliced himself a generous piece of the creme cake he had made the night before; retreated to his bedroom.

In the hush of his apartment, Ryou sat on his bedroom floor; turned off his lamp. He set his cake down and pulled out a box from beneath his bed. From within the box, he pulled out two pillar candles and lit their already-blackened wicks, then set them up in front of himself. He pulled a woody amulet out from beneath his shirt and let it hang prominently against his chest, then set a notebook and pen beside his cake, within easy reach on his right. Last, he unfolded a worn-out board bearing the alphabet, a set of numeric symbols, a "yes" in the upper left corner, a "no" in the upper right corner, and "goodbye" spelled out at the bottom.

With one hand, he cut himself off a forkful of cake; with the other, he moved the planchette onto the board's "G."

"Hello," he said, into the silence of his apartment. He kept his left hand light on the planchette. "Is anyone here?"

Nothing disturbed the hush; Ryou took a bite of his cake. Any apprehension he had once had about using the Ouija board had faded with time. It was as normal to him, now, as fixing his dinner or taking a shower. He'd lost count of the candle-stubs that had gathered in the bottom of the Ouija board's worn box. Though he knew—and believed, to a greater or lesser extent—that using a Ouija board alone was a bad practice, in general, it was the only way he had ever played with one.

"Hello?" he called again. Some nights, there was no answer. Some nights, the apartment remained silent.

That night was not such a night.

"h-e-l-l-o-t-h-e-r-e"

Ryou felt a smile break onto his face, honestly delighted when the planchette moved slowly across the board. He could feel the presence—long practice had given him some physical sense of it, whenever a spirit answered the board's call. This particular spirit had a somewhat more powerful presence, though the planchette seemed almost cautious, and Ryou shivered.

"Hello!" he said, making an effort to sound friendly. "I'm Ryou—Ryou Bakura! What's your name?"

"im called... tou..." the pointer spelled out.

Ryou felt a thrill travel through him, from his pounding heart and into the fingertips of his left hand. He scribbled down t-o-u in his notebook, with his right hand. "Tou? Nice to meet you!"

"nice... to meet you... ryou..." was the reply, and Ryou's smile grew.

"What are you, Tou? If you don't mind me asking."

The planchette hesitated; Ryou could feel that the spirit hadn't left, but it didn't answer immediately. When it did, it spelled out, "h-u-m-a-n"

While aware that spirits weren't always the most truthful of beings, Ryou was inclined to believe this one. There was something oddly fervent about the answer, and Ryou heard the word as if it had been spoken aloud: human.

"That's nice. So am I."

"h-a-h-a... i would assume so..."

"Have you spoken to the living like this, before?"

"yes... once or twice..."

"Oh? Do you like it?"

"i appreciate the company..."

There was a wryness about the reply, and Ryou laughed aloud. "That's why I do it, too. I like the company. Thank you for answering!"

The planchette was still, for a moment, and then spelled out, "youre odd... different from others ive talked to..."

"Really? How so?"

"n-e-d-j-e-m"

Ryou blinked. He was confident in his ability to read the board, but the word seemed like nonsense. He jotted it down, to be sure, and still couldn't identify it visually: nedjem.

"you live alone..." the spirit spelled out, and it occurred to Ryou suddenly that there was no question mark on the board. He didn't know whether to interpret it as observation or question, but decided to answer it anyway.

"Yes. I moved out of my family's home when I started college."

"no roommate..."

"No."

"friends..."

"Yes!" Ryou was surprised, but genuinely pleased. He'd never had a spirit engage him about his own life, in such a way. There wasn't much to tell, but he was glad to share what there was. "I have some very good friends."

"thats good..."

"Do you have any friends? Wherever you are?" Ryou asked.

"haha... no... no friends for me..."

Ryou felt a stab of sadness. "I'll be your friend, if you'd like."

The planchette moved suddenly, erratically, almost slipping from beneath his hand. Ryou squeaked in surprise, but watched closely; assured himself that the movement was apparently random, not calculated figure-eights or a numerical pattern. The candles flickered.

"youre crazy..." the spirit spelled out, when it had calmed. "what do you think youre doing... making an offer like that..."

"I think I'm making a friend," Ryou said, a bit indignant. "Just because you're a spirit doesn't mean we couldn't be friends."

"and i suppose youve made friends with spirits before..."

"Well, no," Ryou admitted. "I've made contact with spirits before, lots of times, but..."

"but what..."

"But they don't usually come back."

There was a pause. Then, the spirit said, "i cant imagine why..."

Ryou felt heat rise to his face, and tried to convince himself that he wasn't being charmed by a wandering spirit that had appeared at his Ouija board. "I'm not a very interesting person..."

"youre kind though..."

"I-I'm not anything special."

"i beg to differ..."

"You've known me for five minutes!" Ryou objected.

"thats true..." the spirit calling itself Tou replied. "but id like to know you for much longer..."

Ryou pulled up short; realized what he'd just read. "Oh... I mean, of course! Does that mean we'll be friends?"

"sure... if youd like to call us that..."

And again Ryou smiled. "Of course! Glad to be your friend, Tou!"

"glad to be your friend... ryou... well talk again..."

"Do you want me to end the session, then?"

"for now..."

Though slightly saddened, Ryou nodded. "Alright. Is it strenuous, to make contact like this?"

"a bit... im a tired old spirit ryou..."

"How old are you, Tou? If you don't mind me asking."

"three thousand long years"

... ... ...

Ryou lay awake, deep into the night, thinking about the three-thousand year old spirit that called itself Tou. He stared up at his blank ceiling, wondering why the apartment didn't feel as empty as it usually did.

The spirit might not come back... he reflected, no matter what it said...

He hoped Tou would come back. Perhaps, he thought, Tou hadn't even left, after the session had ended.

When morning came, Ryou resisted the urge to pull out the Ouija board; went about his morning routine, instead, in the silence of the apartment. He left for his morning classes, and then worked an uneventful shift at his local bookstore. But when he returned home, he could scarcely be bothered to fix himself a sandwich out of leftovers for supper.

He could feel the spirit's presence, and felt certain that Tou would be there when he pulled out the Ouija board.

He wasn't disappointed.

"hello again ryou..."

"Good evening, Tou! Thank you for answering!"

"its not as if i have much else to do..."

"So, have you been a spirit for three thousand years?"

"ha... well i wasnt alive for three thousand years..."

Ryou huffed. "I guess I meant, well... have you been a wandering spirit for that long?"

"i never made it to the afterlife... if thats what you mean..."

Ryou's eyes widened. "So there is one, in proper? An afterlife?" He hoped such a question didn't apply as inquiring about his own death—a thing to be absolutely avoided when using a Ouija board.

"there is..." was Tou's reply. "anubis guards its gates well... even i have no chance at sneaking in..."

Ryou couldn't tell if the spirit was being tongue-in-cheek; it didn't seem like a serious response, although the board didn't allow for clues like tone or facial expression. "It's not painful, though, is it? Being wherever you are?"

"are you asking if im in hell..."

"No!" Ryou replied. "I mean... I suppose, but that's not why I'm asking. I'm concerned!"

"concerned... about a spirit you just met yesterday..." The planchette moved slowly, and Ryou wondered if it was due to bemusement or derision. But he was certain he could feel Tou's pretense, in the apartment, and it didn't feel spiteful.

"I am. It would bother me, if you were in pain." When the spirit didn't respond, Ryou forged on ahead. "You don't seem like a spirit reaching out from hell, though, or whatever version of the concept of hell actually exists. I imagine a spirit like that would be more... volatile. Even if they weren't abjectly hostile, or bad, existing under those conditions would wear at someone."

"wandering around for three thousand years can wear on someone too..."

"I'm sure it does."

The planchette moved back and forth, just slightly; pensively. Ryou waited patiently for the spirit to speak again, content to feel the gentle rock of the pointer beneath his hands. When the next message finally came through, it was, "i would give anything to be alive again..."

"I'm sure. I'm sorry."

"for what... not you... dont apologize..."

Ryou paused; chose his next words carefully. "I'm sorry you had to die. And I'm sorry this is how we have to meet."

The spirit, too, took a moment to reply. "youre still young... too young to think of death as reality..."

"How old were you when you died, if you don't mind me asking?"

"2-0"

Ryou felt a stab of sadness. "That's how old I am..."

"well... ive still got three thousand years on you..."

Ryou smiled. "That's true, I suppose."

"it wasnt so terribly young... by the standards of when i lived..." The spirit seemed to be musing aloud, and Ryou appreciated being privy to its thoughts. "most only lived to forty... maybe fifty with luck..."

"Where did you live, Tou?"

"somewhere far from here..."

The answer surprised Ryou. The spirit hadn't shied from answering any questions so far—although again, Ryou had to remind himself, the truthfulness of such answers couldn't be taken for granted—so the dodge was unexpected. Ryou decided quickly not to press the matter.

"Do you know why you're wandering? Why you can't find peace? I could try to help, if you wanted..."

"have you done that with other spirits... played medium..."

Ryou shook his head. "No... but I figured I'd offer. If you don't want that, that's fine, too."

Tou was silent for a long moment; Ryou could feel a light pressure on his hands, above the planchette. "no... no i dont want that... i know whats keeping me here and its not a thing you can help me deal with..."

"I can be a sympathetic ear, at least. Do you want to talk about it? The thing that's keeping you here?"

"no"

The answer was abrupt and decisive, and Ryou nodded. "Alright. I'm sorry if I upset you."

"h-a-h-a-h-a-h-a..." The laughter made Ryou blink, surprised. "upset me... no... no... its nothing you did..."

"But you are upset?"

"a little... i told you ryou... im a tired tired old spirit... and talking about things like this... im damn tired..."

"If you want to talk about something else—"

"i cant take much more of this ryou..."

Ryou paused; waited to see if the spirit would elaborate, and then asked, "Much more of what?"

"of being dead... i want to live again... id give anything..."

Ryou's skin prickled with alarm. It was a dangerous thing for a spirit to say. And yet he still felt no malice or aggression from the spirit—only bitterness and exhaustion.

"I'm so sorry, Tou."

"dont... apologize..."

"I'm so sorry..."

The planchette moved aimlessly for a moment, like a restless pacing. Then Tou said, "dont apologize... you are... helping..."

"Thank you, Tou. I appreciate your company, too!"

The planchette was still, although again Ryou could feel the presence lingering in his room. Then, "end the session... for now... im sorry i just... have to rest... a while..."

"Of course." Ryou smiled; tried to infuse his voice with all the affection that might be conveyed by a parting embrace. "Rest well, Tou. I'll talk to you again."

"talk to you... soon..."

"Goodbye."

"goodbye"

[butterflysmoke]

This house has torn me apart from the inside out. And youd think I'd be strong enough by now to know better than to let them shred what means the most to me. Yet here I am. Writing this to tell you I've given one too many chances. And that's the truth.

It's like one day you wake up and nothing is glazed over or sugar coated anymore. This isn't child's play. You know? All you see is the raw version of shit. And then it hits you. It hits hard how much the things around you have really changed or have become more clear. And you realize that where you're at is unhealthy. It's truly a slap in the face. Like hello girl in the mirror wake the hell up the fight isn't over yet. And that's when it's time to make vast changes and hope for the best. Its either make a jump that scares the shit out of you and better yourself... or sink into a hole you cant dig your self out of simply because your surroundings are only getting worse. But that's life. You can choose your outcome. Stay stuck or better yourself.

Living in this house I've learned so many things. Each thing heart breaking in it's own way. I looked at these people like family just to watch them literally stab me in the back every way they could. From stealing to lying to going behind me trying to take the one person I won't let go of. I've learned that even when I'm broken I can still fight. I still stand strong in what I believe in and I dont back down from the things I love. However I have also learned that I am easily shaken. Easy to tear up. I use to be stronger. But I've come to realize a person can only break so much before there's nothing left to break and the only thing left is what you're fighting for. It's a hard picture to look at when you get to the point that all you see is what they did.

When you were down they kicked you. When you were broken they opened every scar and poured salt in every wound making it impossible for you to heal. When you were scared and couldn't find light they smothered you with stress and things you couldn't possibly handle on your own. But that's what it is to live in a house where people only want what you have and nothing more. They are just there to test you until there's nothing left. Until you've given up.

Living in this house has made me think. Its brought me out of my box and it has tested everything I am. It may have broke me. But it hasn't killed me. And that's what will save me in the end.

You can not heal in the same place that made you sick. So move forward and don't hold back from that jump no matter how big you may think that jump is... anything is better than staying stuck in a place that is only sinking.

I started looking at this house like a nightmare. Like something I've become afraid of. I stay in my room thinking that if I stay here nothing could harm me. But the thing is everything is harmful when stuck in your own mind. How horrible it is to be the one to damage yourself for the fear that someone else might do it before you do. How horrible it is to be afraid of seeing daylight in fear that someone might try to take it from you. But that's life. People take the things that are most beautiful from you because they themselves cant create something with the same kind of beauty. And that's the nightmare in us all. Crippling fear of other people and what they may or may not be capable of doing. How hard it is to stand up for your self and decide otherwise. That you're the boss of your life that no one should keep you locked inside your own damn box. You think you're being safe but the truth is you're just running from what you think might get you if you dont run. It's a fucked up rollar coaster you've put yourself on and the thing about this ride is it doesn't end until you've finished getting sick over and over again. It doesn't end until you get use to every curve and youve learned to open your fucking eyes. This roallr coaster just keeps going faster and faster the rails shake and rattle as you pass through each battling chapter until you've reached your own breaking point. And then it stops and then it breaks down and theres no starting over. And that's when all you can do is look back at the crash and fall of what you've let yourself become all because of other people. Now I'm not saying this to be the ass. I'm saying it because we let everyone lead our lives. So when is it that we stand up for ourselves and stop living for other people? This isnt their happy ending. It's yours to claim. That's the thing about this house. It has crippled me into thinking that it's okay for people to keep me in the dark. But the thing is I have always loved the light. And I shouldn't let people snuff out the things that make me happy. I shouldn't be afraid of other people. Yet here I am sitting in my room writing this in Hope's that someone might get something out of the unfortunate mistakes I have made. Dont be a me in your book. Be a you.

♡ butterfly smoke

[imreszekeres]

for the anon that wanted all 100

1. Name- Ash! 2. Age- 18 3. City that you live in- fear, usually 4. What do most people not know about you?- nothing really, i compulsively release useless information about myself 5. What do most people know you for?- being fat and annoying 6. Hobbies- makeup, youtubers, sleeping, writing, drawing 7. What are your passions?- writing 8. What do you search for in a significant other?- i really Really need to be understood, and someone who is patient is nice too 7. What are you most proud of?- I hav gone to State and gotten within the top 10% in my Journalism competitions, which puts me in the top .08% of all high school students in my state. :-) im good for some things 8. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?- every day when I talk to @pizzasteveofficial <3 all our conversations are significant 2 me 9. Have you ever collected anything? What was it?- I collect my tears in a jar and store them, then shower in them every night 10. List 10 things off of your bucket list.- I want to get married in the snow, have a daughter, get a Heartagram tattoo (at least one lol), write a successful book, and.. idk what else :0 11. What was the last thing you learned?- jesus I dont know, you learn sth new every day! hard to remember 12. How many relationships have you been in?- um.. 7 I think i feel like im forgetting one tho. I wont name them obvi but i think im forgetting one? i feel like ive been in 8 oh well 13. Turn ons- validation 14. Turn offs- being alive 15. Favorite food- frozen yogurt! I like the vanilla or white chocolate flavor with looots of toppings 16. Favorite drink- Coke 17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?- i dont really know! I dont remember a lot of my birthdays for trauma reasons so  18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic?- pessimistic by far lol 19. Do you sleep during class?- its happened a handful of times, I try not to bc I HATE missing work its annoying 20. What is the most expensive thing you own?- myself?? jk its my laptop 21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?- a 1 dollar ELF blending brush. yall those things are bomb please go buy some! 22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone?- that number does not exist holy shit  23. Text or call?- TEXT BLEASE I HAVE SUCH BAD HEARING 24. Opinion on long distance?- it can work! ive done it a lot of times. distance has never been whats broken a relationship for me, not directly anyway 25. What is your definition of success?- success is when you’re happy. you do not have many worries, not the kind that keep you awake at night or make your tummy sick anyway. You have people that love you and, if you died, you’d be remembered as a good bean 26. Favorite song?- right now im really diggin “Hate (I Really Dont Like You)” by the plain white Ts 27. Favorite artist?- HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 28. Celebrity crush/crushes?- Ville Valo ALWAYS lmao hes my god 29. When was the last time you read for fun?- like last month 30. Favorite flower?- roses 31. What is the best gift you could receive right now?- a plane ticket to Connecticut and like 1000 dollars 32. Any guilty pleasures?- pop... music... BUT LIKE THE GOOD KIND U FEEL? I DONT LIKE STUFF FROM THE LAST 2 OR 3 YEARs...  33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself?- my weight, and that sounds so shallow but it. is taking a toll on me. 34. What do you search for in a friend?- someone who is like me! 35. How many times have you said "I love you" in the past month?- not enough 36. Where did you last go other than your room/home?- school.. 37. Why do bad things happen to good people?- because life isnt fair 38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye?- what the fuck being stabbed in the eye have you ever been stabbed in the fucking eye? because i havent and i can already tell you that if my friends were talking without me and then someone stabbed me in the fuCKING EYE I WOULD BE JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE PREOCCUPIED WITH BEING STABBED IN THE E Y E  39. How many green shirts do you own?- none lol 40. Do you like anime?- sure! I dont watch it rn but i dont watch anything rn, haha 41. What do you invest the most time in?- sleeping,, 42. What was the name of the last book you read?- Rebecca :3 very gud book 43. What's the difference between loving and liking someone?- when ur main squeeze gets a hair cut and u still wanna suck their dingus u love em, thats it sorry i dont make the rules 44. Where are you most productive?- i dont.. know what this is asking lol I’m most protective over my romantic partners. As much as I’d love to say im most protective over Sarah, nothing compares to how “troll guarding his treasure” i am w/my loves.......... *eyes @my crush* 45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends.- talking shit abt rude ppl, playing vidya gaem, and talking abt life 46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone.- watching makeup tutorials, watching lets plays, and thinking about everything and anything 47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist?- absolutely not. theres too many people on the earth to achieve that 48. Do you have any allergies?- Not to anything specific but i get them really often seasonally. i get them pretty much every time the weather changes :( 49. When was the last time you cussed at someone?- i mean.. every day of my life so like 50. What was the last promise you made?- idek dude 51. What was your last dream about?- IT WAS SO WEIRD IT WAS ABOUT MY CRUSH’S MOM? I DREAMT THAT SHE WAS A DEMON WHO STORED HER EGGS IN LITTLE PORCELAIN JARS AND THAT MY CRUSH HAD AN EAR INFECTION AND WE WERE IN A SNOWY VILLAGE IDK DONT ASK ME its weird bc my crushs mom is so sweet... 52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be?- i would literally only take Sarah bc i hate everyone 53. How many countries have you visited?- ive never been outside the US 54. What is your favorite medium of art? (Music, dance, painting, etc.)- writing :-) 56. When was the last time somebody complimented you?- those nice anons i got yesterday/the other day! 56. If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself?- what do u even mean? youd know bc youd be like THIS ISNT MY BODY 57. Do you consider yourself mature?- kind of, yes 58. How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr?- too fuckin many 59. What is your favorite quote?- “Worship Satan!” -Ville Valo (no but rly any HIM lyric is my favorite quote, theyre so beautiful,,,) 60. If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be?- dont hurt ppl unless they hurt u, dont touch ppl unless they want u to, and respect gender/sexuality 61. What is your greatest accomplishment?- going 2 state! 62. Do you believe in the death penalty?- yeah i actually think it should b used more lol, kill all rapists and p*dophiles :-) 63. What are your goals for life?- i just wanna b happy, man 64. What do you think your soulmate is doing right now?- being a fucking idiot, probably 65. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world.- CALIFORNIA LMAO IM SUCH A SUCKER FOR CALIFORNIA AND I NEVER EVEN BEEN THERE 66. What were you like in 2013?- awful but also really sweet... then again i wasnt TECHNICALLY the host so lol  67. Do you have a job?- no :( i cant drive 68. Tell us a story about your childhood best friend.- she was an abusive bitch who took out her parents hating her on me the end 69. If you could change one thing about society, what would it be?- i would make discrimination a way more serious crime than it is taken for rn. ppl who discriminate should b put in jail 70. How many all-nighters have you pulled before?- just one when i had to install the sims and it took 6 years 71. Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website?- my fave website is youtube 72. What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?- suck a dick, i guess 73. Does money equal happiness?- not all the time but it sure can 74. How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime?- never, i dont think 75. How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime?- too many times 76. What is the funniest joke you have ever been told?- you know that joke abt the blind man at the beginning of Crazy Rap? yeah thats fucking HILARIOUS  77. When was the last time you looked at the news?- this morn :0 78. If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say?- im gay 79. What is your favorite animal?- RACCOONS!!!!!!!!!!!! 80. If you could earn a million dollars by pretending to be dead for 3 years, would you do it?- i mean sure lmao nobody would b upset about it so 81. What is one thing that everyone is bad at?- being a human. 82. What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get?- i usually go to bed at 10 and get like 6 or 7 hours 83. Does age necessarily equal maturity?- not at all! 84. What is your favorite clothing store?- hot topic lol 85. In the winter- beanies or gloves?- gloves b 86. Would you rather have wings or a fish tail?- wings?? why would i want a fish tail 87. If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it?- absofuckinglutely.  88. What do you fear the most?- being like my rapist. thats a little too deep than i like to go but im being honest, thats literally my biggest fear Ever 89. How many digits of pi can you recite?- 3.14 lmfao i hate math 90. If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be?- 2004. I would stop it before it happened. :-( 91. Describe yourself in one word.- stupid 92. Describe your last victory.- i woke up today w/o killin meself 93. What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen?- bendytoots cucumberpitch’s face 94. What is something you will never forget?- prom.. something rly nice happened 95. Would you rather forget all of the past or remember everything in vivid detail?- forget everything. please 96. Have you ever broken a bone before?- nope! 97. Is it harder to love or to hate somebody?- probably harder to love them lol 98. Coffee or tea?- coffer 99. What are some little things that you do that have changed your life in a positive way?- I dont overdose on a constant basis in a BPD-fueled rage any more so thats good 100. How many hours have you spend on tumblr today?- probably 1 or 2?

[vebging]

You think you love  but you dont no you cant Its not safe You think youre so in love all the affection you feel only comes from how you perceive it you love someone cause you see good in them something you can connect to, something that is relateable something that is shared something that is valueable something you wanna see in the world something you want to protect a quality or a behaviour You think you love no you dont no you cant its never gonna be safe You think you like your friends no you dont you dont like anyone You like how your boyfriend is soft You like how your best friend is intelligent You like how your female cousin is admireable You like how your other friend is creative You like how your other friend is.. list could go on but if you lie on it if you doubt hey dont you wanna focus on the bad instead? Your boyfriend is overly dependant and cant do anything by himself without guidance, gets insecure way to easily Your best friend catches on to late, sabotages himself with his own anxiety and then blames it on his diagnosis and you cant tell him cuz it only makes it worse, Your female cousin is half a monster and never actually wanted to take care of you anyway, only wanted to take care of something she could call her own, it was never personal, when you wouldnt be hers anymore she quickly turned on you & picked whatever suit her best at the time, which was your rapist, Do you wanna sleep over it? Wanna put it on re-set? Wanna replay it again? You might not mean it, but I do You might not think about them that way, but I do You cant let anyone to close You wanna be stable? Be stable in isolation

People are flawed dont bother trying to get them to get better dont bother trying to get them to see things from your point of view theyre not willing anyway You think you wanna be connected? Youre never gonna last that way, youre gonna let other people down, cause youre used to being disconnected you hide so quickly when people get to close, you think youve changed? Just try me You believe these people care about you? Dont make me laugh. Your boyfriend only is desperate to prove his own worth through gaining your love, he may be gentle to you time and time again, but take his core insecurity away and he’d see you as a burden just like anybody else did, Your best friend only loves you cause youve known each other for so long and he cant make new connections easily, he only chose you cuz you were the only one patient enough to stay by his side no matter how slow he was to open up, you think thats personal? He’ll drop you when he gets better. Its cause there werent many other people with that patience around. Your female cousin never wanted to protect you, she just wanted to feel shes not all alone, the only worth you had to her was not judging her for bad sides of her, she only tried not to hurt you with those sides cuz she feared youd leave her all alone otherwise, its not cuz she cared about you, its just cause and action, had she had full control over you, shed have never bothered trying for you The only safety in this world consists of figuring peoples core out and manipulating them into feeling what they think is “love” for you just figure out their script, read the lines, show your -empathy- and get them wanting you, “loving” you, but its never gonna be personal, nobody is gonna love you for you, only for how you make them feel about themselves Only for how well you ease their core anxiety how well you can control them without them knowing Youre not strong enough to make it on your own youre to spoiled to stop wanting the comfort relying on others, then throwing them away, Youre not strong enough to make it on your own cause making it on your own would mean having to stand in some sort of limelight, being in the middle, having to take in attention, having to be available, having to make yourself touchable, always take the least exposure, let only few people know youre there, hide behind someone until they are out of use dont depend on them for much more than that do everything yourself, dont let them control you, have the upper hand only use them for the shadow you can stand in they provide If you hate living that way so much If you hate seeing people in a negative life if you want to take the risk if you want to care youll get hurt again youll get hurt badly You think you like your friends you dont care what does care matter if you can cut it off? its not stable enough You think you love then you dont lets just leave it at dont, then You think you like people You like to focus on their flaws You like to turn from wanting to help to ceasing to care now theyre bothersome If this isnt the sort of life you bargained for why dont you just kill yourself? If you wanna bitch and moan about how living this way is terrible, why dont you just kill yourself? Im not imprisoning you Im protecting you The outside world isnt safe for you you cant ever win and you can never be in the limelight and enjoy it too youre scared, and for good reason theres bad things out there I just want to protect you I just want to protect you I just want to protect you I just want to protect you I just want to protect you I just want to protect you Im not the bad guy here Im not the bad guy here Im not the bad guy here You think im robbing you of your potential and your happiness? Im the only one that has ever cared about you in the entire world dont trust anybody but me Let them think you belong to them, tell them “I am yours” that always gets to them then when they no longer serve you stab them in the back you cant hold back, and you cant ever hesistate just pull the knife down theres no time to feel guilt you can cry about it later cry bout how they really meant the world to you cry all you want when youre all alone again on your own like it should be

why are you crying over people who dreamt of making you “all theirs” just how your dad tried to do it to you, too? Youre always so sentimental, I think its a waste of time Your “innocence” goes best unseen You wanna connect, to be around people? You say, its the safest when youre surrounded by people that mean well for you? Well, arent you just flipping the script on me? Suddenly trying to tell me that going where the sun shines is safer than depending on the darkness you can remain unseen in? That the bad things only ever truly happen where nobody can keep track of? That its the safest to be in the limelight? That were people gather its the safest? You wanna tell me everything ive known is wrong? You wanna try asking your dad for some attention then? You wanna ask your mom to be there for you properly then? You wanna ask your family to stop accusing you of being a liar then, without even having talked to you about any of these things, once? You wanna tell me, that you wanna ask your female cousin for help again after she took your rapists side? After the only person you ever thought you could in any capacity depend on, stabbed you in the back bcz she couldnt get you to be -hers- again? If people wanted for you not to aim for their weak spots they should have made it safe for you to reveal yours If people didnt want to get hurt by you they should have been trustworthy If people want to tell you you deserve it watch them change their opinion if you hurt them in any capacity suddenly thats all your fault but if it happens to you oh its your fault too! You wanna trip on peoples hypocritical reasoning so badly, mh You wanna trust people being kind to you but if youre kind back to much it might become a habit thats hard to break always stay one foot out always leave before youre left or push people into leaving first you cant be seen this heartfelt you wanna be independant? youre lying to yourself cause the only reason youre managing to bear intimacy is when youre in an dependency so you have a reason not to let me convince you to leave

cause you dont want to be alone you like hiding behind someone you like the excuse of it you like it you like being weak cause if you were strong youd have to be alone and you dont want that so you stay weak so you cant just give into me and stay all alone youre keeping yourself down cause you dont want to listen to me youre scared that if you let yourself succed in life youll no longer need others around you and then youll give into me and listen to me and repulse them and then youll be just as isolated  youll flee into work, youll only flee into work so you keep yourself small so you dont have to be alone do you need me?  do you need me to go? do you want to outgrow me? you cant outgrow me im the only one you truly have ill still be with you when nobody else is so what do you need them for?

you want me to trust you? you? yeah, thanks no

you dont need others you dont truly need to hide behind them you need to use them to get fully in control of your life you can do that now then youll abandon them then when youre secure and safe youll abandon them lets see how much you really “love” them once you no longer have a use for them, that would hurt your boyfriend so much mhh? maybe thats all he was good for anyway funny

so what, you gonna sabotage your own school progress so you can stay in an relationship with your boyfriend? Force yourself to need others, so you can stay in connection so you dont have to listen to mean mean me telling you its better just to depend on yourself? you were weak then when you were still a child, but youre not a child now, you can take charge of your life, you can be totally in control of it, just like you want, you could be a great success, youre just to scared to be youre scared to no longer need others cause you know ill win and youll be all alone cuz of it

you hide behind excuses because deep down you dont wanna get better you only wanna get better enough as to not burden others but you dont want to actually get good cuz if you did, youd be to strong to need them and if you dont need them, youd have no reasons to resist what im telling you about the people you love, right? you dont want that to be your life lonely on your own you dont wanna succeed in life and do good for yourself just to find you lost the feeling that made you want to share it with others you will never succeed in life unless you make up with me so stop trying to push me away stop trying to tell me im all wrong or all bad stop trying to ignore your own pain just so you can pretend youve completely healed

you just keep pretending youre scared of stuff like doing your drivers license making appointments you just keep pretending youre actually scared you always fought when you had to you can do it for others you only cant do it for yourself cuz the more you become independant in those ways the less you need others the less of a reason do you have not to listen to me the more you fear ending up all alone so if you dont want to make a decision between either living a dependant life, or living a highly successful independant but lonely life, you better start actually accepting me or making up to me or actually winning me for your side but suppressing me is NOT going to cut it if you want to make this a fight, we can fight either you or I will win but neither of us is going to be really happy with that so prove to me that these people are safe prove it to me prove to me that you do not have to choose between yourself and others

[tumblunni]

Baron omatsuri and the secret island traumatizes me yet again, hooray!

Ok wow that was a nostalgia blast! Finally goddamn have a physical copy of this thing to own. Its never been dubbed and the only way to get it was this weird manga UK licensed reprint of a bunch of (i think) hong kong english subtitles. The style of the subtitles looks like that, at least. Its all weird and grainy and very very old fashioned early days of subtitling style, which contrasts completely with the modern dvd menus and box and stuff. And its also a weird combination disc of four different movies, it seems they just bought out a licensing package deal or something? And just baked it onto the disc without checking or editing anything. Its not really a funny sort of bad subtitles though, its just awkward phrasings of thibgs that are hard to understand or random typos or whatever, no legendarily hilarious stuff. I kinda dislike it more when subtitles are like this, when theyre like...actually written by a guy who speaks fluent english but he just never watched the actual movie so theres a bunch of rookie mistakes. Also has a strange case of what you usually only see on fansubs- the obsession with leaving everything in japanese to Sound Cool. Nah we cant call them the Tea Party Pirates we have to say the japanese word for that. Nah we cant have this man say mustache when he's doing the mustache pose and talking about his crew of entirely mustache men who all do this mustache pose NO it has to be Chobehige because its somehow deep and edgy to not understand the word for mustache. Like i feel if i was watching this sub first i would have no idea what was happening! At least its not as bad as that older sub i saw where they insisted on translating friends as "crew", even when it was llike..a singular. This one man is my crew and here are all my other crews! Like i feel like that subber probably originally did that dumb old fandom thing of INSISTING that you had to say Nakama in japanese and Capitalized and it was a Very Important japanese word for specifically pirate friends that was Impossible To Translate. And then they just did a ctrl + F replace on the whole thing and made an incomprehensible mess. Also for some reason sanji just yells DOCTOR out of nowhere (chopper wasnt even in the scene) and baron omatsuri's one syllable "oh" is translated as some long string of what seems to be baseball jargon..?

But ANYWAY the movie is still fuckin awesome and i actually noticed EVEN MORE dark shit and subtle storytelling that i missed when i was a kid! The whole 'small child zombie stares blankly at the place where a sword stabbed through his chest and cant understand why he got back up' scene is EVEN MORE emotionally destructuve than i thought! Cos the subtlety of the voiceacting seems to make the poor kid sound so tired and resigned to it? He's desperately asking and his father figure feeds him the same old lies he's done a million times about how he's totally still alive and everything is fine. Like wow i missed that inplication that this has happened before! And then he kinda sounds like he's actually aware that Baron is lying and he's just pretending to believe him to make him feel better. And then he starts turning back into a corpse and he doesnt panic like muchigoro or not realize whats happening like the grandpas do. He just looks straight at his hand falling apart and tries to lie to Baron to make him feel better. *long shot of him from behind before you see whats happened* "I'm just feeling dizzy again. I've got used to it." *him staring blankly at his body falling apart, not even capable of feeling sad about it anymore* "Don't worry...i've got used to it." *thud*

Like FUCKING HELL this film is the best damn existential horror thing ever and why the FUCK did they market it as a fun happy kids film? it probably would have been way more successful if the twist wasnt kept all twisty, honestly.

And also WOW YEAH theres a lot of stuff thats the subtlest goddamn storytelling in the universe and youd never notice unless you watched this film a million times like i did! Like during the intro when everythibg still seems all fun and cute and normal, the advert for the Totally Innocent Not A Trap Super Secret Island Resort is being read over some random shots of waves and stuff. But then right near the end you see those same shots again and it becomes clear that it was literally the view from Baron's eyes as he was falling from the ship and drowning, desperately trying to keep his head above water and strain his eyes to see if anyone else had survived. All the moments that just looked like camera cuts were actually when his head fell beneath the waves. Thats fuckin amaizng you straight up showed the ending in the beginning and we didnt notice????

Oh and also right before THE FUCKIN TERRIFYING MUCHIGORO DEATH SCENE you see him casually mention being 'sleepy' a few scenes earlier. It just passes by without notice and you think that he's just drunk until he suddenly starts going from comedic slurring to fucking asphixiating and the SKIN ON HIS FINGERS PEELING OFF. Oh hey! Another thing i didnt notice before! FUCKING THAT. A fun game for you on your rewatch! Looking out to find the secret finger horror! Ha ha ha...ha...

Also MAN OH WOW all the subtle signs of Baron getting more desparate throughout the movie and how it seems the time limit for the zombies was almost up and he had to kill these specific pirates right now because he couldnt spare even a few more hours. In retrospect it makes sense how he was slipping up and leaving evidence for the heroes to figure him out. And its just so subtly offputting and strange how he goes from making a big fun performance about the festival early on and then starts subtky rushing through the formalities faster. Like you dont eveb conciously notice the tone is changing until suddenly BAM the full change happens and you realise you missed all those signs! And aaaa its so fuckin sad how you see him come running when muchigoro drops dead and he's like fuckin GET OUT OF THE WAY DAMMIT and kneels down next to the body and theb he just..turns emotionless again and goes ITS TIME FOR THE NEXT CHALLENGE. It is time. Its now. Shut the fuck up and do it, i dont have time to deal with this shit, just die so i can bring my friend back. (Tho of course you dont know thats why at the time) And then whats most jarring about the whole scene to me is how he's like "okay fuck it theres no more fun theres no more attractions, if youre not gonna play along then the final game is just i shoot your damn head off" WHILE YKNOW STILL STANDING OVER THE CORPSE OF HIS FRIEND AND STARING DAGGERS INTO THEM LIKE ITS THEIR FAULT FOR DARING TO CLING ONTO LIFE and then a fuckin half finished hapoy fun carnival game sign pops up in the backgroubd and everyone walks past it. Why was that somehow both hilarious and terrifying????? Just fuckin 'whoops we had this thing ready to go but alright its murder time i guess' and everyone IS SUDDENLY PACKING HEAT AND RIDDLING OUR HEROES WITH BULLETS???

And also even more subtly Baron just?? Stays with muchigoro?? Like notice how the entirety of the endgame takes place around where the dude dropped dead. And how when mustache pirate guy saves luffy you see Baron just walking in circles around the same area angrily shooting arrows at nothing in complete desperation even though the dude is gone and itd make more sense to run after him. No he stays standing right there and actually looks really damn relieved when luffy comes back, he's like 'holy shit you really were stupid enough to walk right into my trap jesus christ im so glad but also youre a dumbass'. And he fights entirely using arrows at this point so you might not even notice that he barely walks more than just circling a two meter radius of fuckin DEAD BEST FRIEND CORPSE. Which btw blends intonthe shadows for this entire scene and they only draw attention it again after Baron wibs and muchigoro comes back to life. And UGH MY HEART you see him smile genuinely for the firstvtime and he's like 'im so glad youre okay' and muchigoro is like 'haha im more than okay i can do somersaults!' and generally being a FUCKING TREASURE and this poor fuckin horrible evil man is hugging his buddy and gently leading him away from the battlefield so he doesnt norice he was just fuckin murdering some dudes to ressurect him. God the scariest damn thing about this film is how the zombies dont know theyre zombies and honestky they probably wouldnt even agree with their boss's plan to kill people to keep them alive. They justvthink they live a perfectly normal happy life on hapoy festival island, and he wants them to stay that way and never feel pain again :(

Aaaaand then yeah the infamous scene of revealing this horrifying intestines flower is growing out of the flesh on his back and all the corpses its digesting are pushed against the undulating flesh of its throat like a snake devouring its prey. And its cutesy fake flower face grows infinate eyes as it just keeps laughing and laughing. And then it gets graphically blown apart and the poor goddamn parasite host tries to shove the bloody instestines back into its body, knowing that without this horrifying monster chewing on his goddamn veins all his friends will go back to being dead.

THE END

THE FUCKING END

God it ends so abruptly seriously

I still cry my eyes out every time at the ending monologue of Baron dying and meeting all the souls of his dead friends and theyre crying telling him he shouldnt be here, they wish he'd been able to find another reason to live without him...

And then THE END

JAUNTY MUSIC OVER THE CREDITS

THE FUCKIN END I GUESS

What a great but very oddly executed movie. Seriously i feel it could have worked better if it was given space to breathe and more deeply explore the dark themes rather than the weirdness of trying to fool the audience into thinking it was cheerful and innocent. Like all of this shit happens in the last 30 minutes of the movie! They spend 60 minutes on the fun carnival games! What a strange sense of priorities!!

I WOULD DEVOUR A MILLION HOURS MORE OF DEEP SAD ZOMBIE CONTENT

I am like the Lily of fanfics

Oh yeah btw the horrifying deadly elder god spine parasite thing is named Lily and it looks pretty much exactly like flowey from undertale. This film kinda spoiled me for that game LOL ive never trusted a single talking flower ever since!

[givesyouthestrengthtobreathe]

Keep Scrolling. This is for me.

I’ve never talked about it. Ive never thought about it. Ive never tried to sit down and understand it. But every once in a while the feelings resurface and i am overcome with the overwhelming feeling of your sticky fingers grasping me so tight i cant breathe. Once again im that small girl who you broke to her knees. Hopeless. Im screaming and crying and scratching trying to pry yoyur hands off of me. I dont want to be that small girla nymore. YOu showed me that that is how women are supposed to feel, like the men in their lives are supposed to make them feel inferior, as though we dont have the right to breathe unless you tell us we can. You’re the reason i cant look men in the eyes without flinching. And you know its pretty fucked up that you said youd serve and protect and instead you beat us down until we had no voice. I have no voice. I was taught to shut the fuck up and walk out of the room, My feelings dont matter if they disagree with yours. You’re the reason if somebody even so much as raises their voice one octive i flinch and run. I cant speak to anybody in a heated way without their dominance scaring me. I cant be around angry men, or men bigger than me period. Proffessors scare me. I like quirky and short because i only feel significant when others are on the same fucking level as me, because you never were. But then men on the same level as me showed me that i couldnt trust them either. As if all men were made to beat the shit out of the women in their lives. My grandmother always got on me because i had no back bone. Is it any wonder why i didnt? Every time i stood up for something i believed in, i got choked out. Things were thrown at me. I was pushed and hit. I was dragged by my hair by you. by my shirt. You took me down a notch oh boy did yhou ever. I grew up in a house of fighting, god all the fuckiang fighting. The men in my house were always shoving and screaming and pushing and hitting. Eachother, but oh no not ever infront of grandma. Never in front of her. I reemmber the horror on her face when i told her. And the worst part? id do it again. I would let you beat me down to a pulp, rip me from the inside out all over again to save her. because she is so much more than me. She is the only fucking reason i am alive today and it was because i couldnt leave her with you. I couldnt leave her with someone who broke me down so far. What kind of a man pushes around women and chokes them into a blackout, who spits and kicks and drags around women like that. Who sets that kind of example for someone. And now here i am, many of failed realtionships and failed loves later and i can still feel l=you, choking the air out of my lungs, i cant fucking breathe. I cant breathe. And damn it i cant trust anybody. Everytime someone walks upt o me god Ive mever been able to be pushed up to a wall and kissed--to this very day--without having to calm myself down inside my head. And most of the time i STILL had to move, i had to change the sittuation. I cannot be barricated not at all, not even a little. Cant sit at  a window seat on the bus without a clear way out, cant sit on the inside of a booth. i mean fuck. To this day every single time anybody gets mad i have to excuse myself to take a breath. I cant sleep next to the wall. I cant even sleep next to the WALL. On my walk to the bathroom at night, that short walk from my room to my bathroom in my dorm i carry my key pointed out in my hand so if someone were to grab me i could stab them. And this is how i approach my whole life. ON guard. I never feel safe. I never feel safe. I never feel safe. I havent felt safe in years, in over a decade. Do you know how horrible it is to have a freakout when someone rests their hand on your jaw to bring you into a kiss--this supposed romantic moment=--could you imagine having an anxiety attack from such an event? I can. Because it happens. Every fucking time. Someone grabs me from behind? i freak. On days that my anxiety is particularly high, the only way i can fall asleep is if i am on a couch. Why? because i have t ohave my back completely pressed against the pack of it. I have to feel like im protected on all sides because my anxiety is so high in fear of something happening to me this is the only way i can get comfort. You have trapped me in this never ending cycle of fear. Complete utter fear. There are people that i cannot  begin to talk to because they slightly remind me of you. there are days i lay awake shaking. Shaking. All of those late nights i woke him up crying, you were there. YOu were lurking. God damn it. you stole my life from me. You stole me from me. I put up my best looks. I try so hard to let myself live and breathe and be happy. but how do you ever commit yourself to someone when you feel like you can never truely be safe i mean after all, my dignity was stripped from me at 10, and it was continueously stripped every time i found company in a man. But i blame myself. Thats probably the absolute worst part. I blame myself. and so did my grandma. Because one girl cant get hurt by this many people without there being some fault in her right? i mean nobody gets that bad of luck. there is something wrong with her. its her. its me. 

and this is why i dont trust anybody. because ultimatly its my fault. and i’ll be damned if idont see it coming next time.. 

i’ll be damned if i let my guard down and get my dignity stripped away again. 

[caredogstips]

12 Road To Deal With A Coupled-Up Friend Putting You On The Back Burner

So, you and your friend have been close for quite a while now. Perhaps she may even be your best friend.

Congratulations.

Ive witnessed firsthand how the best friend dynamic can change indefinitely after one sidekick gets a boyfriend.

Its sad. As wives, we constantly shun “the mens” of our society.

Butthen, we jump at any given an opportunity to prioritize them over my best friend. It doesn’tmake sense to me.

But maybe some things never do.

Maybe this is your friends first serious boyfriend. As a acquaintance, you cant aid but be happy for her.

Friends should want best available for one another.

If someone else can give your best friend something you cant provision, make him.

Its what you do when you care about someone else.

Perhaps the concept of your friend get a boyfriend never threatened you until she got one.

Well, fate knocking on your opening because the bitch is positively smitten.

What are you to do?

You werent emotionally or mentally prepared to send your friend off to breed like a rabbit 24/7.

The pathetic true is, she probably wont notice.

To her, she gets the best of both natures: a lover and a best friend.

Meanwhile, she will expect you to treat herexactly same, even afterdownsizing your quality age by at the least 50 percentage. Sigh.

Here are my recommendations for conserving a relationship with a person who had sets her boyfriend first TAGEND

1. Start a new Netflix series.

If your life isnt washing out like youd hoped, why not live vicariously through a fictional character?

I ever do that.

Maybe getting are used in a new substantiate going to be able to confuse you from the immediate loneliness you feel.

Plus, Netflix has some of best available programming available.

Lets be real: You would probably be watching it regardless.

2. Get a brand-new hobby.

Instead of squandering countless hours making your friends boyfriend into a voodoo doll, why not take a stab at something new?

Ever wanted to paint? Draw? Dance? Write?

Nows a good reason to.

Create something tangible from all the extra era you have on your hands.

3. Exercise.

Use all that apprehensive vitality tokick-start a health lifestyle.

Drink water and spend time getting to know your body.

Ever wanted a six-pack? Nows your chance.

Exercisereleases endorphins and clears you feel great.

4. Read.

Not many people read anymore. Its a shame.

Download an audiobook, or pick up a hardback and get to work.

Theres so much profundity and acquaintance to be acquired.

Why not learn something new?

5. Eat.

Food is f* cking amazing( simply hurling that out there ).

With all that gas coin you are able to spending to verify her, why not get buy yourself something that savor un-f* cking-believable?

Just saying.

6. Sleep.

They call it beauty rest for a ground, right?

Specialists say you should get between seven and nine hours a night.

Time you expend bar-hopping may be better spent catching those Zs.

7. Talk to your momma on the phone.

A parent’s love is unconditional, even if you grew up with ones who constructed childhood feel like servitude.

Your mom maybe misses you more than anyone else on this planet, so why not catch up with her?

Friends come and go, but mommies are eternally( sort of ).

Yeah. Life is short, so call your mom.

Shes perhaps f* cking awesome.

8. Adopta dog.

If youre feeling neglected, why not save a life?

There are thousands of swine that end up in shelters each year.

Why not choose one and save a future best friend?

If your friend is being sh* tty, why not adopta brand-new one?

Dogs are called soldiers best friend for a reason.

9. Photoshop yourself in your friend’s photos.

If your friend is uber-obsessed with her boyfriend, why not Photoshop yourself in her photographs and label them on social media?

She’lldefinitely crack a smile, and she may get the indication youre seeming a little bit neglected.

If she doesnt, you have a dense friend.

10. Accommodation and be the third wheel.

It can be unpleasant to be a third wheel, but it can also be a lot of fun.

A boyfriend shouldnt stop you from seeing your friend, if she’s truly important to you.

Bite the bullet. Swallow your pride, and hang out with both of them at the same time.

She apparently likes him for a reason.

Maybe you will, too.

11. Have a conference with her.

If nothing seems to be working, try having a conversation with her.

Communicate your feelings.

If you never vocalize your grudges, they will never be addressed.

If youre not telling her whats going on in your brain, you cant blamed your friend. Shes not psychic.

Grow a duet and talk to her.

She will understand and jumping at the opportunityto resolve the conflict.

12. Get a brand-new friend.

Like anything else in life, relationships need to be maintained. They have to be mutual.

If your friend isnt putting in the effort to make sure you feel important, then you shouldnt either.

Make some new friends who understand how to poise their romantic lives and friendships.

Trust me; its possible.

These are some of the many the resources necessary to cope with a acquaintance who gives her boyfriend first.

People change when they’re in love, so find friends who treat you well.

Life is too short to waste on people who dont acquire you a priority.

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